What to do about scams 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, March 15

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Police arrest burglar who crawled through 
attic space into neighbor’s apartment
Today, March 15 in
44 BC Roman Emperor Julius Caesar was assassinated by high ranking
Roman Senators. The day is known as the "Ides of March." 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. [info][add][mail][note]Dave Barry (1947 - ) You can only be young once. But you can always be immature. --- Dave Barry _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to David for this story: "Late again," the third-grade teacher said to little Sammy. "It ain't my fault, Miss Crabtree. "You can blame this on my dad. The reason I'm three hours late? Dad sleeps nights in the raw!" Now Miss Crabtree had taught grammar school for thirty-some odd years. So she asked little Sammy what he meant by that, despite her mounting fears. Full of grins and mischief, and in the flower of his youth, little Sammy and trouble were old friends, but he always told the truth. "You see, Miss Crabtree, at the ranch we got this here lowdown coyote. The last Few nights he done et six hens and killed Ma's best milk goat. And last night, when Dad heard a noise out in the chicken pen, he grabbed his gun and said to Ma, 'That coyote's back again, I'm a gonna git him!'" "'Stay back, he yelled to all us kids, I wouldn't want ya hurt!' He was naked as a jaybird, no boots, no pants, no shirt! To the hen house he crawled, just like an Injun on the snoop. Then he stuck that double barrel through the window of the coop. As he stared into the darkness, with coyotes on his mind, our old hound dog Zeke had done woke up and come asneakin' up behind Dad. Then we all looked on plumb helpless as Dad was cold-nosed without warnin'." "Miss Crabtree, we been cleanin' chickens since three o'clock this mornin'!" ______________________________________________________ At the candy store Judi had about 20 bags of candy. A smart-alek behind her in line told her: "You should push the air out of them. The candies might cost less if they don't have the weight of the air in them." So for a few minutes she let the air out of the bags. After she did that he told her it didn't really matter. It would have weighed the same. Judi was more confused than ever and said, "If having air in the bag doesn't weigh any more, then why does it make the bags look so fat?" I offered to squeeze her for a while, but she threw a bag at me. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Barnegat, NJ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Thanks to Barry for this story: A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed? "Breast-fed,"she replied. "Well, strip down to your waist," the doct or ordered. She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed The doctor said, "No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk." "I know," she said, "I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came." _____________________________________________________ Reported by the Bauselll Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Heather Jo Campbell, 46 Oklahoma City, Oklahoma Police arrest burglar who crawled through attic space into neighbor’s apartment A bizarre burglary case in Oklahoma ended with an arrest Monday night after the suspect was found in her neighbor’s closet, according to KFOR. “The female who was inside one of the apartments went up into the attic, went to the other one and dropped down into the closet of the neighbor’s residence and began trying to steal clothing out of there,” said Master Sergeant, Gary Knight, with the Oklahoma City Police Department. Police arrested Heather Jo Campbell, 46, and discovered she had an active arrest warrant for another burglary from New Year’s Day. Kelcie Proctor says her dad woke up early that morning to find a woman lying on the floor beside his bed. “My dad assumed it was my brother’s date. And so was like, 'What are you doing upstairs with me? Go downstairs with Kase,'” said Proctor. Her dad and the woman walked downstairs. He even gave her a cup of coffee before she walked out the front door. “And my dad basically goes, 'Hey, your date’s leaving and Kase goes, 'What date, dad?' And at that point, they realized oh, this woman’s not supposed to be in our house!” said Proctor. That’s when the family noticed several of their reusable shopping bags loaded down with stuff the woman had evidently intended to steal. “Fried chicken, spices, toilet paper, bleach, what else. She had my used toothpaste, my shower caddy, my brother’s old hoodies,” said Proctor. Police were able to identify the suspect because she left her cell phone behind at the Proctor home. An arrest warrant was issued at that time but police had not been able to find her until the burglary at the apartments on Monday. Proctor is glad she is finally in custody. “It’s crazy that this woman has the audacity to just walk into people's houses while they’re sleeping. It’s scary. My story is funny, but it’s terrifying,” said Proctor. Proctor said Campbell did get away with her brother’s laptop and some expensive headphones. Police say Campbell has multiple prior felony convictions, many of them for burglary. Tech Support Pits From: Linda Re: What to do about a scam?
Dear Webby My friend shared your today's message with me. Delightful. She also suggested you might be able to answer a question for me. This morning I received a spam message from "someone" purporting to be "An American Soldier" but really it was spam (i.e. discovered some money in Iraq and needed help, etc.). It made me angry. Is there anyone I can send this spam message to and they can stop it?? Thank you. Linda Dear Linda That's just a 419 scam, also called "Nigerian scam" or "Advance Fee scam", and it has been going around since the first Iraq war. Unless you are willing to travel to Nigeria and take the law into your own hands, about all you can do is send it to the US Secret Service. US Secret Service Financial Crimes Division 950 H Street N.W. Suite 5300 Washington, DC 20223 Phone: (202) 406-5850 Fax: (202) 406-5031 419.fcd@usss.treas.gov The Secret Service is not really doing anything about it, even though this scam costs Americans over 170 Million Dollars a year, but apparently they draw up neat charts showing how many more people fall for that same old scam each year. By the way, do NOT go to Nigeria to meet some good looking US General. He is dead. Somebody already fixed his wagon. However, the crooks still use his picture. Have FUN! DearWebby
The Wrong Side of the Bed Mother Superior was on her way to late morning prayers, when she passed two novices just leaving early morning prayers, on their way to classes. As she passed the young ladies, Mother Superior said, "Good morning, ladies." The novices replied, "Good morning, Mother Superior, may God be with you." But after they had passed, Mother Superior heard one say to the other, "I think she got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning." This startled Mother Superior, but she chose not to pursue the issue. A little further down the hall, Mother Superior passed two of the Sisters who had been teaching at the convent for several years. She greeted them with, "Good morning, Sister Martha, Sister Jessica, may God give you wisdom for our students today." "Good morning, Mother Superior. Thank you, and may God be with you." But again, after passing, Mother Superior overheard, "She got out of the wrong side of bed today." Baffled, she started to wonder if she had spoken harshly, or with an irritated look on her face. She vowed to be more pleasant. Looking down the hall, Mother Superior saw retired Sister Mary approaching, step by step, with her walker. As Sister Mary was rather deaf, Mother Superior had plenty of time to arrange a pleasant smile on her face, before greeting Sister Mary. "Good morning, Sister Mary. I'm so happy to see you up and about. I pray God watches over you today, and grants you a wonderful day." "Ah, Good morning, Mother Superior, and thank you. I see you got up on the wrong side of bed this morning." Mother Superior was floored! "Sister Mary, what have I done wrong? I have tried to be pleasant, but three times already today, people have said that about me." Sister Mary stopped her walker, and looked Mother Superior in the face. "Oh, don't take it personally, Mother Superior. It's just that you're wearing Father Murphy's slippers.
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
At the Checkout counter of the discount department store where I was a cashier, customers frequently asked me under what circumstances items were returnable. One woman who came through my line must have been aware of store policy. She pointed to the lacy red-and-black negligee she was about to purchase. "May I bring this back if it doesn't work?" she asked.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Thanks to Sandie for this: If you consider that there has been an average of 160,000 troops in the Iraq operations during the last 22 months, and a total of 2,112 deaths, that gives a firearm death rate of 60 per 10,000 soldiers. The firearm death rate in Washington D.C. is 80.6 per 10,000 for the same period. That means that you are about 25% more likely to be shot and killed in the U.S. Capitol, which has some of the strictest gun control laws in the nation, than you are in Iraq. Conclusion: If these statistics are true, the U.S. should pull out of Washington immediately. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Your Answering Machine for New Baby Info With a new baby, you can spend a lot of time fielding calls from family members when you would rather just be relaxing. One thing you can do is leave a message on your answering machine giving the baby's name, weight, gender, and it's date and time of birth. Ask people to leave a message so you can call them back at a later date. That way you can rest and they can get the information they want about your new arrival. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ A woman brought an old picture of her dead husband to the photographer. She asked the photographer if he could remove the hat from the picture. He convinced her he could easily do that, and asked her what side of his head he parted his hair on. "I forget," she said. "But you can see that for yourself when you take off his hat."
Artist arranges natural objects into ephemeral patterns and designs.
___________________________________________________ It was young Anthony's first ride in a railway train, and the succession of wonders reduced him to a state of hysterical astonishment. The train rounded a slight bend and, with a shriek of its whistle, plunged into a tunnel. There were gasps of surprise from the corner where Anthony was kneeling on his seat. Suddenly the train rushed into broad daylight again, and a small voice lifted in wonder. "Wow! It's tomorrow!" exclaimed the small boy. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, March 15 in
44 BC Roman Emperor Julius Caesar was assassinated by high ranking
Roman Senators. The day is known as the "Ides of March." 

1341 During the Hundred Years War, an alliance was signed between
Roman Emperor Louis IV and France's Philip VI. 

1493 Christopher Columbus returned to Spain after his first New
World voyage. 

1778 In command of two frigates, the Frenchman la Perouse sailed
east from Botany Bay for the last lap of his voyage around the

1781 During the American Revolution, the Battle of Guilford
Courthouse took place in North Carolina. British General Cornwallis'
1,900 soldiers defeated an American force of 4,400. 

1862 General John Hunt Morgan began four days of raids near the city
of Gallatin, TN. 

1864 Red River Campaign began as the Union forces reach Alexandria,

1875 The Roman Catholic Archbishop of New York, John McCloskey, was
named the first American cardinal. 

1877 The first cricket test between Australia and England was played
in Melbourne. Australia won by 45 runs. 

1892 New York State unveiled the new automatic ballot voting

1892 Jesse W. Reno patented the Reno Inclined Elevator. It was the
first escalator. 

1901 German Chancellor von Bulow declared that an agreement between
Russia and China over Manchuria would violate the Anglo-German
accord of October 1900. 

1902 In Boston, MA, 10,000 freight handlers went back to work after
a weeklong strike. 

1903 The British conquest of Nigeria was completed. 500,000 square
miles were now controlled by the U.K. 

1904 Three hundred Russians were killed as the Japanese shelled Port
Arthur in Korea. 

1907 In Finland, woman won their first seats in the Finnish
Parliament. They took their seats on May 23. 

1909 Italy proposed a European conference on the Balkans. 

1910 Otto Kahn offered $500,000 for a family portrait by Dutch
artist Frans Hals. Kahn had outbid J.P. Morgan for the work. 

1916 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson sent 12,000 troops, under General
Pershing, over the border of Mexico to pursue bandit Pancho Villa.
The mission failed. 

1917 Russian Czar Nicholas II abdicated himself and his son. His
brother Grand Duke succeeded as czar. 

1919 The American Legion was founded in Paris. 

1922 Fuad I assumed the title of king of Egypt after the country
gained nominal independence from Britain. 

1934 Henry Ford restored the $5 a day wage. 

1935 Joseph Goebbels, German Minister of Propaganda banned four
Berlin newspapers. 

1937 In Chicago, IL, the first blood bank to preserve blood for
transfusion by refrigeration was established at the Cook County

1938 Oil was discovered in Saudi Arabia. 

1939 German forces occupied Bohemia and Moravia, and part of

1944 Cassino, Italy, was destroyed by Allied bombing. 

1946 British Premier Attlee offered India full independence after
agreement on a constitution. 

1949 Clothes rationing in Great Britain ended nearly four years
after the end of World War II. 

1951 General de Lattre demanded that Paris send him more troops for
the fight in Vietnam. 

1951 The Persian parliament voted to nationalize the oil industry. 

1955 The U.S. Air Force unveiled a self-guided missile. 

1960 Ten nations met in Geneva to discuss disarmament. 

1960 The first underwater park was established as Key Largo Coral
Reef Preserve. 

1964 In Montreal, Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor were married. 

1968 The U.S. mint halted the practice of buying and selling gold. 

1977 The U.S. House of Representatives began a 90-day test to
determine the feasibility of showing its sessions on television. 

1982 Nicaragua's ruling junta proclaimed a month-long state of siege
and suspended the nation's constitution for one day. This came a day
after anti-government rebels destroyed two bridges near the Honduran

1985 In Brazil, two decades of military rule came to an end with the
installation of a civilian government. 

1989 The U.S. Food and Drug administration decided to impound all
fruit imported from Chili after two cyanide-tainted grapes were
found in Philadelphia, PA. 

1989 The U.S. Department of Veteran's Affairs became the 14th
Department in the President's Cabinet. 

1990 In Iraq, British journalist Farzad Bazoft was hanged for

1990 Mikhail Gorbachev was elected the first executive president of
the Soviet Union. 

1990 The Ford Explorer was introduced to the public. 

1990 The Soviet parliament ruled that Lithuania's declaration of
independence was invalid and that Soviet law was still in force in
the Baltic republic. 

1991 Four Los Angeles police officers were indicted in the beating
of Rodney King on March 3, 1991. (California) 

1991 Yugoslav President Borisav Jovic resigned after about a week of
anit-communist protests. 

1994 U.S. President Clinton extended the moratorium on nuclear
testing until September of 1995. 

1996 The aviation firm Fokker NV collapsed. 

1998 More than 15,000 ethnic Albanians marched in Yugoslavia to
demand independence for Kosovo. 

2002 Libyan Abdel Baset Ali Mohmed Al-Megrahi began his life
sentence in a Scottish jail for his role in the bombing of Pan Am
Flight 103 on December 21, 1988. 

2002 In the U.S., Burger King began selling a veggie burger. The
event was billed as the first veggie burger to be sold nationally by
a fast food chain. 

2002 In Texas, Andrea Yates received a life sentence for drowning
her five children on June 20, 2001. 

2002 U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell told the Associated Press
that the U.S. would stand by a 24-year pledge not to use nuclear
arms against states that don't have them. 

2018  smiled.

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Thumb Drives 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, March 14

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Welfare queen busted for fraud after 
showing off her wealth on FaceBook
Today, March 14 in
1489 Catherine Cornaro, Queen of Cyprus, sold her kingdom 
to Venice. She was the last of the Lusignan dynasty. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Normal is not something to aspire to, it's something to get away from. --- Jodie Foster (1962 - ) When we are unable to find tranquility within ourselves, it is useless to seek it elsewhere. --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Cookie, a certified blonde *, for tis story: A blonde's car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day So she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. Takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic. The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers... Not surprisingly, the traffic became snarled and backed up. It wasn't very long before a police car arrives. The Officer, clearly enraged, approaches her yelling, "What is going on here?" "My car broke down, Officer" says the woman, calmly. "Well, what the heck are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the road?!" asks the Officer... "Oh, those are my emergency flashers!" she replied. _____________ * Only certified blondes are allowed to tell blonde jokes in the Humor Letter ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Martin for bringing back this classic: I have a Labrador Retriever & I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog (?) On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete, so I was going to try it again. I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy who was behind her. Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned. I told her no; I'd been sitting in the street licking my butt and a car hit me. I thought the tall guy was going to need help as he roared with laughter staggering to the door and fresh air. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Banaue rice terraces, Ifugao, Philippines _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Thanks to Glenis for this story: Although he had packed his bag for a business trip the night before, my husband planned to come home from the office before leaving. That afternoon he called to say the meeting had been canceled and on the spur of the moment we decided to spend a romantic, child-free night in a hotel. I quickly repacked his suitcase, replacing his belongings with two wine glasses, candlesticks and candles and some bubble bath. Then I dashed out to buy a bottle of wine. When I returned, the bag was gone. A note on the kitchen table read: "Sorry, hon, the conference is on after all. I'll call you when I get there." _____________________________________________________ Reported by the Bauselll Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Galit Levi 37, Hollis Hills, New York Welfare queen busted for fraud after showing off her wealth on FaceBook A welfare queen who collected nearly $100,000 from Medicaid was actually worth more than a million dollars, and flaunted her wealth on Facebook. Now, she's facing jail time. Galit Levi lives a pretty comfortable life if you follow her Facebook. She reportedly has deposited over a million dollars into her bank account with her husband over the past few years. During that time, however, she was also collecting tens of thousands of dollars in Medicaid benefits, claiming tp be out of work while her husband earned less than $2000 a month. Levi is now facing fraud charges, and is accused of forging her Medicaid application. Her Facebook page showed she lived pretty well, with lots of pictures of her and her family having a good time. They also reportedly bought a nice house, only to tear it down so they could build a bigger, more luxourious one. A Queens mom with $1 million in the bank fleeced Medicaid of nearly $70,000 over three years, officials announced Thursday. Galit Levi, 37, of Hollis Hills, was charged with grand larceny, welfare fraud, and falsifying business records, according to the Queens District Attorney's office. To get approved for Medicaid benefits, Levi claimed she was unemployed and that her husband earned approximately $1,750 a month not enough to support the two adults and their four kids. Officials approved Levi and her family for public assistance in January 2012 after she filed what turned out to be a bogus claim, authorities said. She then proceeded to bilk the system of $67,000 through December 2015, submitting several renewals for Medicaid assistance, the criminal complaint said. But in fact, a review of Levi's bank accounts with her husband uncovered deposits from 2012 through 2016 that exceeded $1.3 million, authorities said. Levi faces some serious charges. Just the charge of grand larceny could land her in prison for 15 years. Although she was able to make bail of $5,000, she had to turn over her passport, so she cannot flee back to Israel. Medicaid is intended to help the truly needy, but this defendant's bank records allegedly show her family's income was well above the levels that would have made her and her children eligible for assistance, said Queens District Attorney Richard Brown. Tech Support Pits From: Belinda Re: Transferring files Dear Webby This is about a column a while ago. I was on vacation. There IS a bimbo proof alternative that you did not mention: Thumb Drives! They work even for blondes like me! They are like a USB drive without a cable, and plug directly into any USB port. Just plug it in, and the computer sees a new drive. Drag stuff onto it, unpug it, walk it over to the other computer, plug it in, and drag stuff off it. Sneaker-Net works! Belinda Dear Belinda You are 100% right. And the price of them has come down quite nicely. Some stores even give them away whenver they have some sale on. But even if you have to pay $1 or $2 for a 10 GB Thumb Drive with their logo printed on, it is still a good deal. Have FUN! DearWebby
There is one way to permanently stop that ringing in the ears, from not wearing hearing protection!
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A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go fix them a couple drinks. As he's standing there he notices a cute little vase on the mantel. He picks it up and as he's looking at it, she walks back in. He says, "What's this?" She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there." He turns beat red and says, "Gee, oh...I'm sorry...I..." She continues, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
My mother and I were walking down the street when a man stopped us. "I'm taking a survey," he said. "Do you think there is too much sex in movies?" "I'm not sure," replied my mother. "Since Bob, my husband, stopped coming to the movies, I get too wrapped up in the film to notice what the rest of the audience is doing." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cookware for a Glass Top Stove The same as any other stove. Cast iron, Revereware, teflon , it doesn't matter. They all work just fine on a glass-top stove. By Dusty Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Chuck for this story: One afternoon when my daughter was in kindergarten, I picked her up after school. She bobbed out to the car and crawled into the back seat. "What did you do today?" I asked. She couldn't wait to tell me. "We learned that boys are different from girls," she chirped. Looking into the rearview mirror, I could just see the top of her head. "My teacher told us that boys have a thing the girls don't," she added "Well, yes they do..." I said cautiously. I couldn't think of anything else to say, so we were quiet for a moment. Then she piped up again. "That's how girls know that boys are boys," she said. "They see that thing that hangs down and they know that he is a boy." I mentally calculated the distance home. Our five-minute commute already felt like an hour. "Did you know that when the boys see a girl they puff up?" My palms were beginning to sweat. "Um...well..." I was still searching for something new to say, to change the subject, when she asked, "Why do the girls like the boys to have those things?" Well, I didn't know what to say. I mean, what woman hasn't asked herself that question at least once? "Oh, well...um..." I stammered. She didn't wait for my answer. She had her own. "It's cause it moves when they walk and then the girls see that and that's when they know they are boys and that's when they like them. Then the boy sees the girl and he puffs up, and then the girl knows he likes her, too. And then they get married. And then they get cooked." That last part confused me a bit, but on the whole I thought she had a pretty good grasp on things. As soon as we got home and I pulled into the garage, she hopped out of the car, fishing something out of her school bag. "I drew a picture," she said. "Do you want to see?" I wasn't sure I did, but I looked at it anyway. I had to sit down. There, all puffed up so to speak, looking mighty attractive for the ladies, was a crayon drawing of a great big Tom Turkey. His snood, the thing that hangs down over his beak, the thing that female turkeys find so irresistible, was magnificent. His tail feathers were standing tall and proud. She was a little offended that I laughed so hard at her drawing, and I laughed until I cried. But when I told her I loved it - and I did she got over her pique. That was the end of that, for her anyway. But I'm not so lucky. Every year I remember that conversation. And to be honest, I haven't looked at a turkey, or a man, the same way since.
This precious geological wonder is found in southern Arizona
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Kati for this story: This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to rip them out! Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts. Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good. About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what the matter was. He said, "Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you." "What do you mean?" asked his wife. "Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and the toothbrush, I think I got most of them all back in." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, March 14 in
1489 Catherine Cornaro, Queen of Cyprus, sold her kingdom to Venice.
She was the last of the Lusignan dynasty. 

1629 A Royal charter was granted to the Massachusetts Bay Colony. 

1647 During the Thirty Years War, France, Sweden, Bavaria and
Cologne signed a Treaty of Neutrality. 

1757 British Admiral John Byng was executed by a firing squad on
board HMS Monarch for neglect of duty. 

1794 Eli Whitney received a patent for his improvement on the cotton

1864 Samuel Baker discovered another source of the Nile in East
Africa. He named it Lake Albert Nyanza. 

1891 The submarine Monarch laid telephone cable along the bottom of
the English Channel to prepare for the first telephone links across
the Channel. 

1900 U.S. currency went on the gold standard with the ratification
of the Gold Standard Act. 

1900 In Holland, Botanist Hugo de Vries rediscovered Mendel's laws
of heredity. Mendel was right after all.

1903 The U.S. Senate ratified the Hay-Herran Treaty that guaranteed
the U.S. the right to build a canal at Panama. The Columbian Senate
rejected the treaty. A deal was signed on November 6, 1903 with the
newly independent Panama. 

1904 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the governments claim that the
Northern Securities Company was an illegal merger between the Great
Northern and Northern Pacific Railway companies. 

1905 French bankers refused to lend money to Russia until after
their war. 

1905 The British House of Commons cited a need to compete with
Germany in naval strength. 

1906 The island of Ustica was devastated by an earthquake. 

914 Henry Ford announced the new continuous motion method to
assemble cars. The process decreased the time to make a car from 12½
hours to 93 minutes. 

1915 The British Navy sank the German battleship Dresden off the
Chilean coast. 

1918 An all-Russian Congress of Soviets ratified a peace treaty with
the Central Powers. 

1923 President Harding became the first U.S. President to file an
income tax report. 

1932 George Eastman, the founder of the Kodak company, committed

1936 Adolf Hitler told a crowd of 300,000 that Germany's only judge
is God and itself. 

1939 Hungary occupied the Carpatho-Ukraine. Slovakia declared its

1943 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt became the first U.S.
President to fly in an airplane while in office.

1945 In Germany, a 22,000 pound "Grand Slam" bomb was dropped by the
Royal Air Force Dambuster Squad on the Beilefeld railway viaduct. It
was the heaviest bomb used during World War II. 

1947 The U.S. signed a 99-year lease on naval bases in the

1947 Moscow announced that 890,532 German POWs were held in the

1951 U.N. forces recaptured Seoul for the second time during the
Korean War. 

1958 The U.S. government suspended arms shipments to the Batista
government of Cuba. 

1964 A Dallas jury found Jack Ruby guilty of the murder of Lee
Harvey Oswald. 

1967 John F. Kennedy's body was moved from a temporary grave to a
permanent one. 

1976 Egypt formally abrogated the 1971 Treaty Friendship and
Cooperation with the Soviet Union. 

1978 An Israeli force of 22,000 invaded south Lebanon. The PLO bases
were hit. 

1979 The Census Bureau reported that 95% of all Americans were
married or would get married. 

1979 Near Peking, China, at least 200 people died when a Trident
aircraft crashed into a factory. 

1980 A Polish airliner crashed while making an emergency landing
near Warsaw. 87 people were killed. A 14-man U.S. boxing team was
aboard the plane. 

1981 Three Pakistani airline hijackers surrendered in Syria after
they had exchanged 100 passengers and crewmen for 54 Pakistani

1983 OPEC agreed to cut its oil prices by 15% for the first time in
its 23-year history. 

1989 Imported assault guns were banned in the U.S. under President
George H.W. Bush. 

1991 The "Birmingham Six," imprisoned for 16 years for their alleged
part in an IRA pub bombing, were set free after a court agreed that
the police fabricated evidence. 

1991 Bolivian interior minister Guillermo Capobianco resigned after
U.S. officials accused him of receiving money from drug traffickers.

1995 American astronaut Norman Thagard became the first American to
enter space aboard a Russian rocket. 

1996 U.S. President Bill Clinton committed $100 million for an anti-
terrorism pact with Israel to track down and root out Islamic

1998 An earthquake left 10,000 homeless in southeastern Iran. 

2002 A Scottish appeals court upheld the conviction of a Libyan
intelligence agent for the 1988 bombing of Pan Am Flight 103. A
five-judge court ruled unanimously that Abdel Basset Ali al-Megrahi
was guilty of bringing down the plane over Lockerbie, Scotland. 

2003 Robert Blake was released from jail on $1.5 million bail. Blake
had been jailed for the murder of his wife Bonny Lee Bakley.
He was eventually acquitted, but her kids,not his-, sued him for $80
Million and after he appealed, they got $30 Million. 
He is dead now.

2018  smiled.

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Mov ie viewer for Windows 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, March 13

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Mom Fights Off and pulls Man Trying to Steal Truck 
With Her Child Inside out of the truck. 
He ran but got caught by bicycle cops.
Today, March 13 in
1519 Cortez landed in Mexico. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Life is too short for traffic. --- Dan Bellack Every generation laughs at the old fashions, but follows religiously the new. --- Henry David Thoreau _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ He said a woman brought her baby to see him, and he determined right away that the baby had an earache. He wrote a prescription for ear drops. In the directions he wrote, "Put two drops in right ear every four hours" and he abbreviated "right" as an R with a circle around it. Several days passed, and the woman returned with her baby, complaining that the baby still had an earache, and his little behind was getting really greasy with all those drops of oil. The doctor looked at the bottle of ear drops and sure enough, the pharmacist had typed the following instructions on the label: "Put two drops in R ear every four hours." ______________________________________________________ A young man was having some money problems, and needed $200 to get his car fixed and road-worthy again. But had run out of people to borrow from. So, he calls his parents via the operator, and reverses the charge and says to his dad, "I need to borrow two hundred dollars." At the other end, his father says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, son, I think there may be a bad line." The boy shouts, "Two hundred. I need two hundred dollars!" "Sorry, I still can't hear you clearly," says his father. The operator cuts in, "Sorry to butt in, but I can hear him perfectly." The father says, "Oh, good. Then YOU can send him some money!" Click. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ You Know You're a Redneck When 1.---The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse. 2.---You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids. 3.---You're been married three times and still have the same in-laws. 4.---You think a woman who is "out-of-your-league" bowls on a different night. 5.---Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people." 6.---You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean. 7.---Anyone in your family ever died right after saying: "Hey, watch this." 8.---You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader. 9.---Your junior prom had a daycare. 10.---Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan. 11.---You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are: "Gentlemen, start your engines." 12.---You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels. 13.---The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas is in it. 14.---You have to go outside to get something from the fridge. 15.---One of your kids was born on a pool table. 16.---You need one more hole punched in your cards to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos. 17.---You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it. 18.---You think "loaded dishwasher" means your wife is drunk. 19.---Your toilet paper has page numbers on it. 20.---Your front porch collapses and kills more than one dog. 21.---You had to change churches because the new preacher works as game warden / taxidermist during the week. _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by DeShawn Jackson, 23, Bremerton, Washington Mom Fights Off and pulls Man Trying to Steal Truck With Her Child Inside out of the truck. He ran but got caught by bicycle cops. Surveillance video shows the moment a Washington state mother fought off a man trying to steal a pickup truck with her 2-year-old inside on Wednesday, March 7. The woman was walking around the truck when a shirtless man passing by jumped to the driver's seat. The woman managed to open the door of the truck just as it started to move. She struggled with the man. He punched her. The truck drove on a sidewalk and hit a short concrete wall. The man got out and ran away. Police were called to the scene on Elizabeth Avenue in Bremerton and bicycle officers in the area started to chase the suspect, identified as 23-year-old DeShawn Jackson, Q13 Fox reported. Jackson led the officers on a several-block chase during which he attempted to steal another vehicle and hide inside a home. He was arrested and faces charges of robbery, kidnapping, burglary, felony harassment, theft of a motor vehicle, assault, and hit and run. After the arrest, Jackson told officers he smoked synthetic marijuana. There were no reports of an injury of the 2-year-old. Jackson has a lengthy criminal history, including a 2014 conviction for punching, choking, and kicking his girlfriend. What a hero! Getting beat up and drug out of a truck by a young woman, then chased and caught by bicycle cops. They will still be laughing in jail by the time he finishes serving his 10 years. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Lee Re: Windows Media Player Dear Webby I have used VLC Media Player as a Window's video viewer however lately I find it becomes "pixelated"(?) frequently. Is there a better app. Lee Dear Lee I still use the regular Microsoft Media Player, even though Microsoft claims that they don't support it for W7 PRO 64. It still seems to work OK. You can download it at https://media-player- classic.en.softonic.com/download You can also get a new version of VLC there. Since your VLC USED to work OK, it might be that your machine is short on available RAM. Hit CTRL SHIFT ESC for the task manager. Click on the s econd tab: Processes If you see any that are over 500.000 K, highlight them and click on END this task, especially if it is a browser. The machine will run a lot better after that. Have FUN! DearWebby
What is the penalty for bigamy? Two mother-in-laws.
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Tech support people like me spend our days on the phone with customers. Many like to chat while waiting for their computers to reboot. One man told me he'd been a long-haul truck driver. I'd love to drive a big rig," I said, "but I'd worry about falling asleep at the wheel." "Here's a tip to stay awake," he offered. "Put a $100 bill in your left hand and hold it out the window."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Deep in the woods of Tennessee on a country road, a speeder hit and killed a dog. The dog's owner stood nearby, a long rifle in his hand. The speeder looks at the owner sheepishly and says, "Looks as if I killed your dog." "Sure does." I'm sorry. Was it a valuable dog?" "I wouldn't say that." "Well, suppose I gave you a hundred dollars. Would that be enough?" "Well, I don't know." "Two hundred dollars. That should do it." "Sounds good." The speeder reached into his pocket and came up with the money. Pressing it into the man's hand, he said, "I'm sorry I spoiled your plans to go hunting." "I wasn't going hunting. I was heading out to the woods to put that that mangy mutt out of his misery." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cookware for a Glass Top Stove The same as any other stove. Cast iron, Revereware, teflon , it doesn't matter. They all work just fine on a glass-top stove. By Dusty Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Ann for this story: An observant woman died one day, and found herself waiting in the long line for judgment. As she stood there, she noticed that some souls were allowed to march right through the pearly gates into heaven. Others, though, were led over to Satan, who threw them into the burning pit. But every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the fire, Satan would toss a soul into a small pile off to one side. After watching Satan do this several times, the woman's curiosity got the best of her. So she strolled over to find out what the devil he was doing. "Excuse me, Prince of Darkness," she said. "I'm waiting my turn for judgment, but I couldn't help wondering, why are you tossing those people aside instead of flinging them into the fires of hell with the others?" "Ah, those..." Satan said with a groan. "They're all from Vancouver or Seattle. They're too wet to burn!"
Best of the week of "People are Awesome!"
___________________________________________________ Father teaching his daughter to drive: "Stop on red, go on green, and take it easy when I turn purple." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, March 13 in
0483 St. Felix III began his reign as Pope. 

0607 The 12th recorded passage of Halley's Comet occurred. 

1519 Cortez landed in Mexico. 

1639 Harvard University was named for clergyman John Harvard. 

1660 A statute was passed limiting the sale of slaves in the colony of

1777 The U.S. Congress ordered its European envoys to appeal to high-
ranking foreign officers to send troops to reinforce the American

1781 Sir William Herschel discovered the planet Uranus. 

1852 The New York "Lantern" newspaper published the first "Uncle Sam
cartoon". It was drawn by Frank Henry Bellew. 

1865 Jefferson Davis signed a bill authorizing slaves to be used as
soldiers for the Confederacy. 

1877 Chester Greenwood patented the earmuff. 

1884 Standard time was adopted throughout the U.S. 

1900 In South Africa, British Gen. Roberts took Bloemfontein. 

1901 Andrew Carnegie announced that he was retiring from business and
that he would spend the rest of his days giving away his fortune. His
net worth was estimated at $300 million. 

1902 In Poland, schools were shut down across the country when
students refused to sing the Russian hymn "God Protect the Czar." 

1902 Andrew Carnegie approved 40 applications from libraries for

1908 The people of Jerusalem saw an automobile for the first time. The
owner was Charles Glidden of Boston. 

1911 The U.S. Supreme Court approved corporate tax law. 

1915 The Germans repelled a British expeditionary force attack in

1918 Women were scheduled to march in the St. Patrick's Day Parade in
New York due to a shortage of men due to wartime. 

1925 A law in Tennessee prohibited the teaching of evolution. 

1930 It was announced that the planet Pluto had been discovered by
scientist Clyde Tombaugh at the Lowell Observatory. 

1933 U.S. banks began to re-open after a "holiday" that had been
declared by President Roosevelt. 

1935 Three-thousand-year-old archives were found in Jerusalem
confirming some biblical history. 

1940 The war between Russia and Finland ended with the signing of a
treaty in Moscow. That did not last. Russia invaded Finland again.

1941 Adolf Hitler issued an edict calling for an invasion of the

1942 Julia Flikke of the Nurse Corps became the first woman colonel in
the U.S. Army. 

1943 Japanese forces ended their attack on the American troops on Hill
700 in Bougainville. 

1946 Reports from Iran indicated that Soviet tanks units were
stationed 20 miles from Tehran. 

1946 Premier Tito seized wartime collaborator General Draja
Mikhailovich in a cave in Yugoslavia. 

1951 Israel demanded $1.5 billion in German reparations for the cost
of caring for war refugees. 

1951 The comic strip "Dennis the Menace" appeared for the first time
in newspapers across the country. 

1957 Jimmy Hoffa was arrested by the FBI on bribery charges. 

1963 China invited Soviet President Khrushchev to visit Peking. 

1969 The Apollo 9 astronauts returned to Earth after the conclusion of
a mission that included the successful testing of the Lunar Module. 

1970 Cambodia ordered Hanoi and Viet Cong troops to leave. 

1970 Digital Equipment Corp. introduced the PDP-11 minicomputer. 

1974 The U.S. Senate voted 54-33 to restore the death penalty. 

1974 An embargo imposed by Arab oil-producing countries was lifted. 

1980 A jury in Winamac, IN, found Ford Motor Company innocent of
reckless homicide in the deaths of three young women that had been
riding in a Ford Pinto. 

1990 The U.S. lifted economic sanctions against Nicaragua. 

1991 Exxon paid $1 billion in fines and for the clean-up of the Exon
Valdez oil spill. 

2003 Japan sent a destroyer to the Sea of Japan amid reports that
North Korea was planning to test an intermediate-range ballistic

2003 A report in the journal "Nature" reported that scientists had
found 350,000-year-old human footprints in Italy. The 56 prints were
made by three early, upright-walking humans that were descending the
side of a volcano. 

2012 After 244 years of publication, Encyclopædia Britannica announced
it would discontinue its print edition. 

2018  smiled.

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Email Stationery 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, March 12

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Utah woman on trial for trying to hire 
hit man charged with same crime again
Today, March 12 in
1755 In North Arlington, NJ, the steam engine 
was used for the first time in America. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The average man, who does not know what to do with his life, wants another one which will last forever. --- Anatole France (1844 - 1924) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Betty-Sue is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?" She says, "Why, officer?" "Because your breast is hanging out." She looks down and says, "OH MY GOD, I left the baby on the bus again!" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Dianne for this story: I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that. "Why?" my daughter asked. "Because it's been laying outside, you don't know where it's been, it's dirty and probably has germs" I replied. At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Wow! How do you know all this stuff?" "Uh", ... I was thinking quickly, "All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mommy Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy." We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information. "OH...I get it!" she beamed, "So if you don't pass the test you have to be the daddy." "Exactly" I replied back with a big smile on my face and joy in my heart. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Deer always have the right of way, and they are about as soft as concrete blocks. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Q. What's the most common cause of hearing loss amongst men? A. Wife saying she wants to talk to him. _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Linda Tracy Gillman, 70, in jail Salt Lake City, Utah Utah woman on trial for trying to hire hit man charged with same crime again A Herriman woman now convicted of trying to arrange to have her ex- husband murdered — who was previously charged with seeking a second hit man while in jail — was charged yet again Friday with trying to hire a third hit man. The stunning charges against Linda Tracy Gillman, 70, were filed on the same day a jury began deliberating her initial case. She was found guilty Friday afternoon of one count of criminal solicitation, a first-degree felony, but was acquitted of a second count. Early last year, Gillman was charged with two counts of criminal solicitation, a first-degree felony, for allegedly asking one of her employees — a man who also rents a condominium from her — "if he could arrange to have her ex-husband, Mr. D. Gillman, killed," charging documents state. She allegedly gave the man $5,000 and promised him $100,000 more once her ex-husband and his current wife were dead and she collected her ex-husband's life insurance. Gillman was married to Duane H. Gillman, a veteran bankruptcy attorney in Salt Lake City. The plan was for the acquaintance to hire a third person to carry out the murder and make it look like Duane Gillman died from a drug overdose, according to the charges. Instead, the man went to police and Gillman was arrested. Then in June, Gillman was charged with attempted obstruction of justice, a third-degree felony. Police say while she was in the Salt Lake County Jail, she approached another inmate who she thought was affiliated with a white supremacist gang. "Gillman referred to herself as 'the bank,' and said that she 'could make everything happen'" if he would take care of the man who went to the police, charging documents say. Gillman said that if "somehow (the man) ended up dead or disappearing, then I would walk out of here a free woman," investigators wrote in the charges. She also allegedly said that if the man disappeared, "it would make all her dreams come true." That case was eventually dismissed due to problems with witnesses. This week, Gillman went on trial for her criminal solicitation charges. Prosecutors recounted the allegations against Gillman on Friday morning, saying the evidence in the case, including audio recordings, clearly laid out the woman's plot. But Gillman's attorney, Colleen Coebergh, argued Gillman was the one who had been solicited by the so-called hitman, who was actually after the elderly woman's money. Jurors began deliberating the case later in the day. But in an unbelievable turn of events, the Salt Lake County District Attorney's Office announced Friday that Gillman had tried to hire a hit man once again from the jail as recently as three weeks ago. She wanted to have the prosecution's key witness in her original case murdered, as well as an attorney, according to court documents. She was charged Friday with two more counts of criminal solicitation, a first-degree felony, and two counts of obstructing justice, a second-degree felony. The new charges say Gillman asked an attorney on Feb. 13 to bring her a check while visiting her at the jail. Gillman then filled out the check and placed it in an envelope addressed to "M.K.," according to police. Jail corrections officers intercepted the letter, noting that it was against policy for mail to be delivered directly to an inmate. They opened the letter and noticed the check was made out for $155,000, the new charges state. The next day, investigators interviewed another inmate — a woman Gillman had befriended while behind bars. Gillman told the woman she would post her bail if she agreed to break into a storage unit and destroy two CDs that contained recordings of Gillman and others involved in her case, according to the charges. Gillman also wanted the woman to find the prosecution's key witness in her case — the former employee whom she was accused of originally asking to have her husband killed — and "give him a 'confess' letter that was authored by Gillman," the charges state. If he refused to sign it, the woman (inmate) was told to contact a specific person (who is not named in the court documents) and take the former employee "out," the charges state. In addition, Gillman wanted the woman to ask the same unnamed person "if he would be willing to kill" an attorney who won a civil case against her, according to Gill. "She had lined up an individual who would take the witness out. And in addition, asked to have an attorney killed in an opposing civil action against her that she had lost," the district attorney said. The inmate provided police with several documents in Gillman's handwriting aimed to "provide incentive" for the alleged hit man to carry out the plan, the charges state, "and emphasizing that her case needed to be 'shot down.'" The check was made out to a family member of the female inmate, according to the charges. Bail for Gillman's new charges is set at $2.5 million. On Friday, Gill praised the investigator who uncovered the new plot and noted that all the allegations are being taken seriously. Sentencing for Gillman is set for April 23. She faces a potential sentence of five years to life in prison, more if she tries hiring additional contract killers in the meantime. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Beverly Re: Email Stationery Dear Webby, My question today is about email. I read in your Tech Support column where you said that Incredimail is spyware because it tracks everybodys addresses. Got me to thinking about all email. Is there a systemn that does NOT do this? I think I have heard you mention Eudora, but I don't know anything about it. I have been using Incredimail because I like the stationery. Is there something you can reccommend that is not considered spyware and yet allows the use of different kinds of stationery? Keep up the good work on the Humor Letter! It makes my day! Thanks! Beverly Dear Beverly I nhave used Eudora since 1993. It always has had stationery, long before the Incredimail nuisance was released. Nowadays jsut about any email program has stationery, however, stationery has pretty well gone out of fashion. Most people just want the message or question. Even Gmail can use stationery! You can use pretty and cute stationery, or even forms to be filled out. Gmail itself does not have built in stationery, but you can set your Gmail to forward to your home address, where you use Thunderbird. Here are the details: Stationery in Gmail Have FUN! DearWebby
A DC-10 had an exceedingly long rollout after landing with his approach speed a little high. San Jose Tower: "American 751 heavy, turn right at the end of the runway, if able. If not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101 and make a right at the light to return to the airport."
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A six-year-old ran up and down the supermarket aisles shouting frantically, 'Marian, Marian!' Finally reunited with his mother, he was chided by her, 'You shouldn't call me 'Marian.' I'm your mother, you know.' 'I know,' said the child, 'but the store is full of mothers.'
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Morris, a professional photographer was invited to dinner at the Goldblums. He took along a few pictures to show the hostess. Millie Goldblum looked at his photos and commented, "These are very good! You must have a very good camera." He didn't make any comment, however, as he was leaving to go home he said, "That was a really delicious meal, Millie!" "Thank you!" she replied enthusiastically. Then Morris added, "Your cook must have a very good stove!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Leftover Turkey Casserole When packing up the leftovers from the birthday party, make a couple of "Turkey Casseroles". Spray the casseroles, put cooked Turkey in the bottom and top with Gravy. Next add a layer of carrots or other leftover veggies (Brussel Sprouts are not a good idea). Then a layer of dressing, and top it off with a layer of Mashed Potatoes. Push down slightly and cover with plastic wrap. I put the lid on the casserole and wrap it again to avoid having to look for it when you warm it up. Pop it in the freezer. To reheat: Thaw in the fridge all day and heat for about 1 hour at 325 degrees F. Just make sure it is HOT in the center before serving. It's like a Mini-Turkey Dinner! By Faye Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ A little boy came home from Sunday School with a big candy bar. His mother asked him where he got it. "I bought it at the store with the dollar you gave me," he said. "That dollar was for Sunday School," she scolded him. "I know, Mom, he replied, "but the Pastor met me at the door and got me in for free!"
I love these elegant woodcarvings. There have been and still are some amazingly talented people in this old world.
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Lisa for this story: I was scheduled to fly from North Carolina to Germany, where my husband was stationed in the military. As I checked in at the airport, the ticket agent asked me some standard security questions. "Has anyone given you any packages that you didn't pack yourself?" he asked. I told him that my mother-in-law had given me a parcel to take to her son. He looked at me very carefully and asked: "Does she like you?" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, March 12 in
1496 Jews were expelled from Syria. 

1609 The Bermuda Islands became an English colony. 

1664 New Jersey became a British colony. King Charles II granted land
in the New World to his brother James (The Duke of York). 

1755 In North Arlington, NJ, the steam engine was used for the first

1789 The U.S. Post Office was established. 

1809 Britain signed a treaty with Persia forcing the French to leave
the country. 

1884 The State of Mississippi authorized the first state-supported
college for women. It was called the Mississippi Industrial Institute
and College. 

1889 Almon B. Stowger applied for a patent for his automatic telephone

1894 Coca-Cola was sold in bottles for the first time. 

1903 The Czar of Russia issued a decree providing for nominal freedom
of religion throughout his territory. 

1905 In Rome, Premier Giovanni Giolliwas forced out of office by
continued civil strife. 

1906 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that corporations must yield
incriminating evidence in anti-trust suits. 

1909 The British Parliament increased naval appropriations for

1909 Three U.S. warships were ordered to Nicaragua to stem the
conflict with El Salvador. 

1911 Dr. Fletcher of Rockefeller Institute discovered the cause of
infantile paralysis. 

1912 The Girl Scout organization was founded. The original name was
Girl Guides. 

1923 Dr. Lee DeForest demonstrated phonofilm. It was his technique for
putting sound on motion picture film. 

1930 Ghandi began his 200-mile march to the sea that symbolized his
defiance of British rule over India. 

1933 President Paul von Hindenburg dropped the flag of the German
Republic and ordered that the swastika and empire banner be flown side
by side. 

1935 Parimutuel betting became legal in the State of Nebraska. 

1938 The "Anschluss" took place as German troops entered Austria. 

1940 Finland surrendered to Russia ending the Russo-Finnish War. 

1944 Britain barred all travel to Ireland. 

1947 U.S. President Truman established the "Truman Doctrine" to help
Greece and Turkey resist Communism. 

1959 The U.S. House joined the U.S. Senate in approving the statehood
of Hawaii. 

1966 Bobby Hull, of the Chicago Blackhawks, became the first National
Hockey League (NHL) player to score 51 points in a single season. 

1985 The U.S. and the U.S.S.R. began arms control talks in Geneva. 

1985 Larry Bird (Boston Celtics) scored a club-record 60 points
against the Atlanta Hawks. 

1985 Former U.S. President Richard M. Nixon announced that he planned
to drop Secret Service protection and hire his own bodyguards in an
effort to lower the deficit by $3 million. 

1987 "Les Miserables" opened on Broadway. 

1989 Prime Minister Sadiq al Mahdi of Sudan formed a new cabinet to
end civil war. 

1989 About 2,500 veterans and supporters marched at the Art Institute
of Chicago to demand that officials remove an American flag placed on
the floor as part of an exhibit. 

1992 Mauritius became a republic but remained a member of the British

1993 In the U.S., the Pentagon called for the closure of 31 major
military bases. 

1993 Janet Reno was sworn in as the first female U.S. attorney

1994 A photo by Marmaduke Wetherell of the Loch Ness monster was
confirmed to be a hoax. The photo was taken of a toy submarine with a
head and neck attached. 

1994 The Church of England ordained its first women priests. 

1998 Astronomers cancelled a warning that a mile-wide asteroid might
collide with Earth saying that calculations had been off by 600,000

1999 Hungary, Poland and the Czech Republic became members of the
North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO). All three countries were
members of the former Warsaw Pact. 

2002 U.S. homeland security chief Tom Ridge unveiled a color-coded
system for terror warnings. 

2002 Conoco and Phillips Petroleum stockholders approved a proposed
merger worth $15.6 billion. 

2003 In Utah, Elizabeth Smart was reunited with her family nine months
after she was abducted from her home. She had been taken on June 5,
2002, by a drifter, who that had previously worked at the Smart home. 

2003 The U.S. Air Force announced that it would resume reconnaissance
flights off the coast of North Korea. The flights had stopped on March
2 after an encounter with four armed North Korean jets. 

2009 It was announced that the Sears Tower in Chicago, IL, would be
renamed Willis Tower, because Arabs consider Sears to be Jewish owned,
and hinted, it would be next to come down. 

2018  smiled.

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Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, March 11
For some of you daylight savings time starts today.
Check your computer time. It will be right.

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
CT man drove stolen car to Hartford court 
for stolen car charge
Today, March 11 in
1990 Lithuania declared its independence from the Soviet Union. It was
the first Soviet republic to break away from Communist control. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ If you live long enough, the venerability factor creeps in; first, you get accused of things you never did, and later, credited for virtues you never had. --- I. F. Stone (1907 - 1989) You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist. --- Friedrich Nietzsche _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Notes to the Milkman (In England) "Dear Milkman, I've just had a baby, please leave another one." Please leave an extra pint of paralysed milk." Please don't leave any more milk. All they do is drink it" Milkman please close the gate behind you because the birds keep pecking the tops off the milk." Milkman. please could I have a loaf but not bred today." Sorry not to have paid your bill before, but my wife had a baby and I've been carrying it around in my pocket for weeks." Sorry about yesterdays note. I didn't mean one egg and a dozen pints, but the other way round." When you leave my milk knock on my bedroom window and wake me because I want you to give me a hand to turn the mattress. Please knock. My TV's broken down and I missed last nights Coronation Street. If you saw it, will you tell me what happened." My daughter says she wants a milkshake. Do you do it before you deliver or do I have to shake the bottle." Please send me a form for cheap milk, for I have a baby two months old and did not know about it until a neighbour told me." Milk is needed for the baby. Father is unable to supply it." From now on please leave two pints every other day and one pint on the days in between, except Wednesdays and Saturdays when I don't want any milk." My back door is open. Please put milk in 'fridge, get money out of cup in drawer and leave change on kitchen table in pence, because we want to play bingo tonight." Please leave no milk today. When I say today, I mean tomorrow, for I wrote this note yesterday." When you leave the milk please put the coal on the boiler, let dog out and put newspaper inside the screen door. PS. Don't leave any milk. No milk. Please do not leave milk at No. 14 either as he is dead until further notice." ______________________________________________________ Getting away from their high-stress jobs, a couple spent relaxing weekends in their motor home. When they found their peace and quiet disturbed by well-meaning, but unwelcome, visits from other campers, they devised a plan to assure themselves some privacy. Now, when they set up camp, they place this sign on the door of their RV: Insurance agents. Ask about our term-life package. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Parry's Penstemon, near Phoenix, March 9. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Census Taker: "How many children do you have?" Woman: "Four." Census Taker: "May I have their names, please?" Woman: "Eenie, Meenie, Minie and George." Census Taker: "Okay, that's fine. But may I ask why you named your fourth child George?" Woman: "Because we didn't want any Moe." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jonathan Rivera, 25, Hartford, Connecticut CT man drove stolen car to Hartford court for stolen car charge Police said a man answering to a stolen car charge drove a stolen car to court in Hartford. Police said that on Wednesday Jonathan Rivera, 25, was at the Hartford Superior Court on Wednesday to appear before a judge on a charge of first-degree larceny and tampering with a motor vehicle from February. Parking authority agents scanning license plates outside the courthouse found the car, a 2014 white Subaru Legacy, that had been reported stolen out of Newington. Police kept an eye on the car, and they arrested Rivera when he got inside and tried to drive away. Rivera has been charged with second-degree larceny and taking a motor vehicle without the owner’s permission. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Robert Re: Large and small HTML tags Dear Webby, As I was snooping in the source code of your pages to try and learn some tricks, I noticed that you start tags with capital letters and close them with small letters. For example, you start a bold section with <.B> and end it with <./b> Is that the secret for your pages loading so fast, even though you use a lot of color and graphics? Robert Dear Robert That trick does not affect the speed. A good server takes care of the speed. That trick is just an old habit from the good old days when web pages were writen by hand with a plain text editor, and chiseled onto stone tablets. With a plain text editor it can and does happen, that you are typing too fast, and miss a bracket, or forget to close a tag. Using Caps for opening and small letters for closing, makes it a bit easier to find mistakes. That's all. Have FUN! DearWebby
Apple Computer reported today that it has developed computer chips that can store and play music inside women's breasts . The i-boob is considered to be a major breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Jon was in his usual place, sitting at the table, reading the paper during breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress who was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of IQ. He turned to his wife with a look of bewilderment on his face. "I'll never understand why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives." His wife replies, "Why, thank you, dear!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A husband and wife were involved in a petty argument, both of them unwilling to admit they might be in error. "I'll admit I'm wrong," the wife told her husband in a conciliatory attempt, "if you'll admit I'm right." He agreed and, like a gentleman, insisted she go first. "I'm wrong," she said. With a twinkle in his eye, he responded, "You're right!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Getting the Most out of Turkey or Chicken Bones To pull the calcium out of chicken or turkey bones add 1 ounce vinegar to each quart of water up to 4 ounces total when you are making soup stock. It will not give a vinegar taste to the soup but will draw out ALL the nutrients in the bones. By Reta Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ A kid called up his mum from college and asked her for some money. Mum said, "Sure, sweetie. Mum will send you some money. You also left your calculus book here when you visited 2 weeks ago. Do you want me to send that up too?" "Uhh, oh yeah," responded the kid. So Mum wrapped up the book along with the checks in a package, kissed Dad goodbye and went to the post office to mail the money and the book. When she returned, Dad asked, "Well how much did you give the boy this time?" Mum said, "Oh, I wrote him two checks: one for $20, and the other for $1,000." "That's $1,020!" yelled Dad. "Are you crazy???" "Don't worry, hon," Mum said. "I taped the $20 check to the cover of his book, but I put the $1,000 one somewhere between the pages in chapter 19!"
The seaweed houses of Læsø Island. Very ingenious to use the seaweed for roofs but not such a good idea to cut down all the trees!
___________________________________________________ My uncle Joe and his best buddy, Bubba, went hunting a couple of weeks ago. Somehow they got lost. (Uncle Joe swears it had nothing to do with the large quantities of alcohol consumed...) Uncle Joe reassured his buddy, though. "Don't worry. All we have to do is shoot into the air three times, stay where we are, and someone will find us." They shot in the air three times, but no one came. After a while, they tried it again. Still no response. When they decided to try once more, Bubba said, "It better work this time. We're down to our last three arrows." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, March 11 in
537 The Goths began their siege on Rome. 

1302 The characters Romeo and Juliet were married this day according
to William Shakespeare. 

1649 The peace of Rueil was signed between the Frondeurs (rebels) and
the French government. 

1665 A new legal code was approved for the Dutch and English towns,
guaranteeing religious observances unhindered. 

1702 The Daily Courant, the first regular English newspaper was

1810 The Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte was married by proxy to
Archduchess Marie Louise of Austria. 

1824 The U.S. War Department created the Bureau of Indian Affairs.
Seneca Indian Ely Parker became the first Indian to lead the Bureau. 

1845 Seven hundred Maoris led by their chief, Hone-Heke, burned the
small town of Kororareka. The act was in protest to the settlement of
Maoriland by Europeans, which was a breach of the 1840 Treaty of

1861 A Confederate Convention was held in Montgomery, Alabama, where a
new constitution was adopted. 

1865 Union General William Sherman and his forces occupied
Fayetteville, NC. 

1867 In Hawaii, the volcano Great Mauna Loa erupted. 

1888 The "Blizzard of '88" began along the U.S. Atlantic Seaboard
shutting down communication and transportation lines. More than 400
people died.(March 11-14) 

1900 British Prime Minister Lord Salisbury rejected the peace
overtures offered from the Boer leader Paul Kruger. 

1901 Britain rejected an amended treaty to the canal agreement with

1901 U.S. Steel was formed when industrialist J.P. Morgan purchased
Carnegie Steel Corp. The event made Andrew Carnegie the world's
richest man. 

1904 After 30 years of drilling, the north tunnel under the Hudson
River was holed through. The link was between Jersey City, NJ, and New
York, NY. 

1905 The Parisian subway was officially inaugurated. 

1907 U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt induced California to revoke
its anti-Japanese legislation. 

1907 In Bulgaria, Premier Nicolas Petkov was killed by an anarchist. 

1930 Babe Ruth signed a two-year contract with the New York Yankees
for the sum of $80,000. 

1935 The German Air Force became an official department of the Reich. 

1941 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt authorized the Lend-Lease
Act, which authorized the act of providing war supplies to the Allies.

1946 Communists and Nationalists began fighting as the Soviets pulled
out of Mukden, Manchuria. 

1946 Pravda denounced Winston Churchill as anti-Soviet and a

1947 The DuMont network aired "Movies For Small Fry." It was network
television's first successful children's program. 

1965 The American navy began inspecting Vietnamese junks in an effort
to end arms smuggling to the South. 

1969 Levi-Strauss started selling bell-bottomed jeans. 

1978 Bobby Hull (Winnipeg Jets) joined Gordie Howe by getting his
1,000th career goal. 

1985 Mikhail Gorbachev was named the new chairman of the Soviet
Communist Party. 

1986 Popsicle announced its plan to end the traditional twin-stick
frozen treat for a one-stick model. 

1988 A cease-fire was declared in the war between Iran and Iraq. 

1990 Lithuania declared its independence from the Soviet Union. It was
the first Soviet republic to break away from Communist control. 

1990 In Chile, Patricio Aylwin was sworn in as the first
democratically elected president since 1973. 

1993 Janet Reno was unanimously confirmed by the U.S. Senate to become
the first female attorney general. 

1993 North Korea withdrew from the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty
refusing to open sites for inspection. 

1994 In Chile, Eduardo Frei was sworn in as President. It was the
first peaceful transfer of power in Chile since 1970. 

1998 The International Astronomical Union issued an alert that said
that a mile-wide asteroid could come very close to, and possibly hit,
Earth on Oct. 26, 2028. The next day NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory
announced that there was no chance the asteroid would hit Earth. 

2002 Two columns of light were pointed skyward from ground zero in New
York as a temporary memorial to the victims of the terrorist attacks
of September 11, 2001. 

2018  smiled.

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Is Mailwasher difficult to use? 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, March 10

If anybody is interested in these domain names, 
they are for sale
cheap: $20  
First come, first serve.
Owners have retired.

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
NC woman was arrested for shooting inside a movie theater
Today, March 10 in
1893 New Mexico State University canceled its first graduation
ceremony because the only graduate was robbed and killed the night
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ A husband is like a fire, he goes out when unattended. --- Evan Esar (1899 - 1995) Against logic there is no armor like ignorance. --- Laurence J. Peter _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The cruise ship docked at a Mexican port during a very high tide. Everyone on board was forced to use the ship's narrow gangplank as a passageway to the dock far below. The staff stood motionless when a passenger in her 70s appeared at the top of the plank. There wasn't room for anyone to assist her, so she edged along slowly and finally made it to the dock safely, to everyone's relief. As she stepped down, she turned, looked back to the top of the gangplank and shouted, "It's okay, Mother, you can come down now." ______________________________________________________ A man from Edinburgh wrote to an English editor, "If you don't stop printing those derogatory Scottish jokes, most of which imply we're cheap, I'm going to quit stealing your stupid magazine." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Even though it has not rained yet since Sept, some flowers in Coyote Canyon off Route 78 are blooming. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ As a young married couple, a husband and a wife lived in a cheap housing complex near the base where he was working. Their chief complaint was that the walls were paper-thin and that they had no privacy. This was painfully obvious when one morning the husband was upstairs and the wife was downstairs on the telephone. She was interrupted by the doorbell and went to greet her neighbor. "Give this to your husband," he said thrusting a roll of toilet paper into her hands. "He's been yelling for it for 15 minutes!" _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Shameka Latreena Lynch, 30, Greenville, North Carolina NC woman started shooting in a full movie house A North Carolina woman is jailed on multiple felony charges after she allegedly opened fire in a movie theater during a dispute over assigned seats at a screening of “Black Panther,” according to police and court records. Investigators allege that Shameka Latrice Lynch, 30, squabbled with other moviegoers around 11:45 PM Friday at a crowded AMC theater in Greenville. During the dispute over seating arrangements for the Marvel superhero movie, Lynch allegedly pulled out a .32 caliber pistol and discharged the weapon inside the theater. Lynch, seen above, fired one round into the theater’s ceiling, police allege. While the shooting resulted in no injuries, Lynch has been charged with two counts of assault with a deadly weapon with intent to kill (prosecutors have identified the victims as two men attending the “Black Panther” showing). Lynch is also facing a third felony count for discharging a weapon in an enclosure to incite fear. The shooting prompted police to evacuate the entire 12-screen multiplex. Lynch surrendered to police Saturday evening and was booked into the Pitt County Detention Center, where she is being held on $250,000 bond. Lynch is next due in court on March 14 _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From the Tech Support Pits: From: Richi Re: What is MailWasher Dear Webby, How does mailwasher work? is it very difficult to use? I seem to getting alot of links and spam in my email.some of the names i do notice but all that is in there is just a link to somewhere, and im afraid to click on the link.do you think its just spam?i dont want it to clog up my system if i click on the link,what do you reccommend? tyvm o dear webby for your advice and help Richi Dear Richi Mailwasher is easy to use, easier than your email program. Since you have mastered that, you have no worries. Mailwasher looks at your mail on your ISP's server, washes the spam out of it, then you just download the left over legitimate mail. Your ISP will love it! A LOT less useless file transfers. You get to see the list, just the header and a few lines, and you "pardon" mail, that should not have been flagged as spam. It happens. For example when I bitch and complain about a certain virus, MailWasher might think it is a dangerous mail and flag it as spam. That's when you mark my newsletter as FRIEND or make filters. You can make filters really easy. You click on choices like "includes" in "body", and the offending word. Then you can add, "but does not include" and a saving grace word like "Humor". That way, even if I bitch about certain spam, it washes out all other occurrences of spam, that include the trigger word, but not the Humor Letter. Like the "But not", there are lots of other boolean operators you can use. Actually, all the "Regular Expressions" are available. That makes crafting filters an exciting game. Spammers have no chance. My Mailwasher reduces all the mails per day I get to the 100 - 200, that I actually read and answer. Especially with your Comcast address, that gets harvested quite frequently, you really do need MailWasher. You can get the full PRO for under $40 at http://webby.com/mailwasher Have FUN! DearWebby
Thanks to Cookie for this story: Two little boys in first grade were chosen to be the leads in their first school play. It was to be a Shakespearean play. The first little boy was to say, "My fair maiden.... I have come to snatch a kiss and fill your soul with hope." The second little boy was to reply by saying, "Hark!, a pistol shot." Well, on opening night in the school auditorium, the two little boys were a bit nervous, knowing that all the seats were going to be filled with grown-ups. The teacher told them to take their places on the stage and to remember to speak very loud as soon as the curtain goes up. The curtain rose and looking out upon the audience the two boys were terrified. They stood there frozen. So the teacher whispered for them to begin. The first boy yelled out these unforgettable words: "My fair maiden.... I have come to kiss your snatch! And fill your hole with soap." The second boy screams out....."Hark! a shistol pot, a postle shiss, a pot of shit, this is bull shit... I never wanted to be in this lousy play anyway! The audience was howling.
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Becky and Sally Ann were doing some carpenter work on a house. Becky who was nailing down siding would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in. Sally Ann, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?" Becky explained, "When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end and I throw them away." Sally Ann got completely upset and yelled, "You moron! Those nails aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Thanks to Cookie for this picture: HOW TO TELL THE SEX OF A BIRD This Is AMAZING!!! Until now I never fully understood how to tell, The difference Between Male and Female Birds. I always thought it had to be determined surgically. Until Now. Which of The Two Birds Is a Female??? Below are Two Birds. Study them closely... See If You Can Spot Which of The Two Is The Female. It can be done. Even by one with limited bird watching skills. Cookie Note: Not everybody will arrive at the same results! ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use the Crockpot for Stuffing Prepare your favorite stuffing and bake it in your crockpot while the turkey occupies the oven. You can prep this the day before and refrigerate, it is so much easier than stuffing it into the turkey, the turkey will cook faster, food poisoning risk is decreased and the stuffing doesn't absorb all the extra fat dripping from the turkey. By Linda Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Christmas Break was over and the teacher was asking the class about their vacations. She turned to little Johnny and asked what he did over the break. "We visited my grandmother in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania," he replied. "That sounds like an excellent vocabulary word," the teacher said. "Can you tell the class how you spell that?" Little Johnny thought about it and said, "You know, come to think of it, we went to Ohio."
Why is water pouring out of this tree in Montenegro?
___________________________________________________ GREAT NEWSLETTER. LOVE IT ALL JOKES, PICTURES. NEW LINKS TO OPEN, JUST EVERYTHING. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK DWANNA ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, March 10 in
0241 BC The Roman fleet sank 50 Carthaginian ships in the Battle of

0049 BC Julius Caesar crossed the Rubicon and invaded Italy. 

1496 Christopher Columbus concluded his second visit to the Western
Hemisphere when he left Hispaniola for Spain. 

1629 England's King Charles I dissolved Parliament and did not call it
back for 11 years. 

1656 In the American colony of Virginia, suffrage was extended to all
free men regardless of their religion. 

1785 Thomas Jefferson was appointed minister to France. He succeeded
Benjamin Franklin. 

1792 John Stone patented the pile driver. 

1804 The formal ceremonies transferring the Louisiana Purchase from
France to the U.S. took place in St. Louis. 

1806 The Dutch in Cape Town, South Africa surrendered to the British. 

1814 In France, Napoleon Bonaparte was defeated by a combined Allied
Army at the battle of Laon. 

1848 The U.S. Senate ratified the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo, which
ended the war with Mexico. 

1849 Abraham Lincoln applied for a patent for a device to lift vessels
over shoals by means of inflated cylinders. 

1864 Ulysses S. Grant became commander of the Union armies in the U.S.
Civil War. 

1876 Alexander Graham Bell made the first successful call with the
telephone. He spoke the words "Mr. Watson, come here, I want to see

1880 The Salvation Army arrived in the U.S. from England. 

1893 New Mexico State University canceled its first graduation
ceremony because the only graduate was robbed and killed the night

1894 New York Gov. Roswell P. Flower signed the nation's first dog-
licensing law. 

1902 The Boers of South Africa scored their last victory over the
British, when they captured British General Methuen and 200 men. 

1902 Tochangri, Turkey, was entirely wiped out by an earthquake. 

1903 Harry C. Gammeter patented the multigraph duplicating machine. 

1903 In New York's harbor, the disease-stricken ship Karmania was
quarantined with six dead from cholera. 

1906 In France, 1,200 miners were buried in an explosion at

1909 Britain extracted territorial concessions from Siam and Malaya. 

1910 Slavery was abolished in China. 

1912 China became a republic after the overthrow of the Manchu Ch'ing

1924 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld a New York state law forbidding
late-night work for women. 

1927 Prussia lifted its Nazi ban allowing Adolf Hitler to speak in

1933 Nevada became the first U.S. state to regulate drugs. 

1940 W2XBS-TV in New York City aired the first televised opera as it
presented scenes from "I Pagliacci". 

1941 Vichy France threatened to use its navy unless Britain allowed
food to reach France. 

1944 The Irish refused to oust all Axis envoys and denied the
accusation of spying on Allied troops. 

1945 American B-29 bombers attacked Tokyo, Japan, 100,000 were killed.

1947 The Big Four met in Moscow to discuss the future of Germany. 

1947 Poland and Czechoslovakia signed a 20-year mutual aid pact. 

1949 Nazi wartime broadcaster Mildred E. Gillars, also known as "Axis
Sally," was convicted in Washington, DC. Gillars was convicted of
treason and served 12 years in prison. 

1953 North Korean gunners at Wonsan fired upon the USS Missouri. The
ship responded by firing 998 rounds at the enemy position. 

1966 The North Vietnamese captured a Green Beret camp at Ashau Valley.

1966 France withdrew from NATO's military command to protest U.S.
dominance of the alliance and asked NATO to move its headquarters from

1969 James Earl Ray pled guilty in Memphis, TN, to the assassination
of Martin Luther King Jr. Ray later repudiated the guilty plea and
maintained his innocence until his death in April of 1998. 

1971 The U.S. Senate approved an amendment to lower the voting age to

1975 The North Vietnamese Army attacked the South Vietnamese town of
Ban Me Thout. 

1980 Iran's leader, Ayatollah Khomeini, lent his support to the
militants holding American hostages in Tehran. 

1982 The U.S. banned Libyan oil imports due to their continued support
of terrorism. 

1986 The Wrigley Company, of Chicago, raised the price of its seven-
stick pack of Wrigley’s chewing gum from a quarter to 30 cents. 

1987 The Vatican condemned surrogate parenting as well as test-tube
and artificial insemination. 

1990 Haitian President Prosper Avril was ousted 18 months after
seizing power in a coup. 

1991 "Phase Echo" began. It was the operation to withdraw 540,000 U.S.
troops from the Persian Gulf region. 

1994 White House officials began testifying before a federal grand
jury about the Whitewater controversy. 

1998 U.S. troops in the Persian Gulf began receiving the first
vaccinations against anthrax. 

2002 The Associated Press reported that the Pentagon informed the U.S.
Congress in January that it was making contingency plans for the
possible use of nuclear weapons against countries that threaten the
U.S. with weapons of mass destruction, including Iraq and North Korea.

2018  smiled.

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Can you switch a computer from 32 to 64 bit? 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, March 9
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

If anybody is interested in these domain names, they are for sale cheap: $20 
Owners have retired.

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Gramma was arrested for hauling drugs into jail
Today, March 9 in
1454 Amerigo Vespucci was born in Florence, Italy. Martin
Waldseemüller, a German mapmaker, named the American continent in his
honor, because Amerigo Vespucci was the first to recognize that the
new world was an entirely new and different continent and not
connected to Asia.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ I believe in equality for everyone, except reporters and photographers. --- Mahatma Gandhi (1869 - 1948) If you think your boss is stupid, remember; you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter. --- Albert Grant _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ An 80 year old couple was worried because they kept forgetting things all the time. The doctor assured them there was nothing seriously wrong except old age, and suggested they simply carry a pocket notebook and write things down so as not to forget. Several days later, the old man got up to go to the kitchen. His wife said, "Dear, get me a bowl of ice cream while you're up." He says, "OK." She says, "...and put some chocolate syrup on it. You'd better write that down." He says, "I won't forget." She says, "and put a few cherries on it, too. You'd better write all this down." He says, "I won't forget." He comes back in twenty minutes and hands her a plate of scrambled eggs and bacon. She says, "Darn it!, I told you to write it down. I knew you'd forget." He says, "What did I forget?" She says, "My toast!" ______________________________________________________ >From Connie Words Women Use (And What They Mean) FINE This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments. FIVE MINUTES This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so I feel that it's an even trade. NOTHING This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine". GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows) This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine". GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows) This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off. LOUD SIGH This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing". SOFT SIGH Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content. THAT'S OKAY This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for what ever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead". At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble. PLEASE DO This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay". THANKS A woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just say you're welcome. THANKS A LOT This is much different from "Thanks". A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh", as she will only tell you "Nothing". _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Bat Flower _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ After Jane's son fell into the pond yet again and came home with his good school clothes dripping wet, the exasperated Jane sent him to his room and washed and dried his clothes. A little later, Jane heard a commotion in the back yard. She called out "Are you out there wetting your pants again!?" There was dead silence for a moment. Then a deep, masculine voice answered meekly, "No, ma'am, I'm just reading the meter." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Sarah Griffin, 68, Cody Clements, Memphis, Tennessee Gramma arrested for hauling dope into jail A Memphis grandmother is behind bars after visiting her grandson in prison. An officer at the Shelby County Division of Corrections observed visitor Sarah Griffin give a bag of Doritos to grandson, inmate Cody Clements, according to a report. The officer immediately asked Clements to hand over the bag, and Clements allegedly grabbed a small object out of the bag before giving it to the officer. The officer then examined the object, and it appeared to be drugs wrapped in black electrical tape, according to WREG. Officers unrolled the tape from the object and found several individually wrapped bags of a green leafy substance, yellow pills, and white powder. After further investigation, the bags tested positive for 28.5 grams of methamphetamine, 11.4 grams of marijuana, 40 bars of prescription Xanax pills, 1.7 grams of Ecstasy and 1.1 grams of Heroin. Griffin told officers she thought she was bringing in a cell phone and did not know it was drugs. She was transported to jail and is facing a contraband charge. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From the Tech Support Pits: From: OP Re: 32 bit to 64 bit computer Dear Webby, is there a way to go from a 32 bit to a 64 bit without buying a new computer? thanks, OP Dear OP No, you can't. Just format your computer and re-install everything, and it will be a speed demon like it was on day one. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Thanks to Chris for binging back this classic: ITALIAN BOY'S CONFESSION "Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman." The priest asks, "Is that you, little Johnny Parisi?" "Yes, Father, it is." "And who was the woman you were with?" "I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation." "Well, Johnny, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?" "I cannot say." "Was it Teresa Volpe?" "I'll never tell." "Was it Nina Capelli?" "I'm sorry, but I cannot name her." "Was it Cathy Piriano?" "My lips are sealed." "Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?" "Please, Father, I cannot tell you." The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, Johnny Parisi, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself." Johnny walks back to his pew, and his friend Nino slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?" "Four months vacation and five good leads."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
This quiz has been around since we were kids. Do you remember the answers? 1. If a plane crashed on the border of the USA and Canada, where should the survivors be buried? 2. How many species of each animal did Moses take aboard the ark? 3. How many months have 28 days? 4. How far can a bear walk into the woods? 5. What is the value of coin dated 24 B.C.? 6. How many grooves does a 45rpm phonograph record have? 7. A camper leaves her camp, hikes 1 mile south, then 1 mile east where she sees a bear. Then she hikes 1 mile north to arrive at her camp. What color is the bear? 8. If a rooster lays an egg on the peak of a roof , will the egg roll to the left side or to the right side? 9. If a south bound electric train is traveling at a rate of 66 miles per hour and the wind is blowing to the north at 35 miles per hour, which way will the smoke blow? 10. On which side of a chicken are the most feathers? ANSWERS: 1. You don't bury survivors. 2. Moses didn't have an Ark, Noah did. 3. All twelve of them. 4. Half way, then he is walking out of the woods. 5. Nothing, a coin could not be dated BC. 6. One (spiraling) on each side. 7. The camp must be at the north pole, therefore the bear is white. 8. Roosters don't lay eggs, chickens do. 9. Electric trains don't blow smoke. 10. The outside. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Tips for Growing Daffodils Of all the bulbs that bloom in the late winter and early spring, daffodils (Narcissus) are among the easiest and most rewarding to grow. If given minimum care at planting time they will grow, bloom, and increase in number with virtually no further attention from you. Because their flowers bloom in early spring you don't need to water the plants during the summer. Daffodils seldom need dividing, and perhaps best off all, they are completely unappetizing to the same rodents that find your tulip bulbs irresistible. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Political Correctness: A doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical liberal minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end. --- Kati
This is an amazing artist!
___________________________________________________ An old rabbi is talking with one of his friends and says with a warm smile, "I gladdened seven hearts today." "Seven hearts?" asks the friend. "How did you do that?" The rabbi strokes his beard and replies, "I performed three marriages." The friend looks at him quizzically. "Seven?" he asks. "I could understand six, but..." "Well, what do you think," says the rabbi, "that I do this for free?" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, March 9 in
1454 Amerigo Vespucci was born in Florence, Italy. Martin
Waldseemüller, a German mapmaker, named the American continent in his
honor, because Amerigo Vespucci was the first to recognize that the
new world was an entirely new and different continent and not
connected to Asia.

1617 The Treaty of Stolbovo ended the occupation of Northern Russia by
Swedish troops. 

1734 The Russians took Danzig (Gdansk) in Poland. 

1745 The first carillon was shipped from England to Boston, MA. 

1793 Jean Pierre Blanchard made the first balloon flight in North
America. The event was witnessed by U.S. President George Washington. 

1796 Napoleon Bonaparte and Josephine de Beauharnais were married.
They were divorced in 1809. 

1799 The U.S. Congress contracted with Simeon North, of Berlin, CT,
for 500 horse pistols at the price of $6.50 each. 

1812 Swedish Pomerania was seized by Napoleon. 

1820 The U.S. Congress passed the Land Act that paved the way for
westward expansion of North America. 

1822 Charles M. Graham received the first patent for artificial teeth.

1839 The French Academy of Science announced the Daguerreotype photo

1860 The first Japanese ambassador to the U.S. was appointed. 

1862 During the U.S. Civil War, the ironclads Monitor and Virginia
(built from the remnants of the USS Merrimack) fought to a draw in a
five-hour battle at Hampton Roads, Virginia. 

1863 General Ulysses Grant was appointed commander-in-chief of the
Union forces. 

1897 A patent was issued to William Spinks and William Hoskins for cue

1905 In Egypt, U.S. archeologist Davies discovered the royal tombs of
Tua and Yua. 

1905 In Manchuria, Japanese troops surrounded 200,000 Russian troops
that were retreating from Mudken. 

1905 In Congo, Belgian Vice Gov. Costermans committed suicide
following an investigation of colonial policy. 

1906 In the Philippines, fifteen Americans and 600 Moros were killed
in the last two days of fighting. 

1909 The French National Assembly passed an income tax bill. 

1910 Union men urged for a national sympathy strike for miners in

1911 The funding for five new battleships was added to the British
military defense budget. 

1916 Mexican raiders led by Pancho Villa attacked Columbus, New
Mexico. 17 people were killed by the 1,500 horsemen. 

1929 Eric Krenz became the first athlete to toss the discus over 160

1932 Eamon De Valera was elected president of the Irish Free State and
pledged to abolish all loyalty to the British Crown. 

1933 The U.S. Congress began its 100 days of enacting New Deal

1936 The German press warned that all Jews who vote in the upcoming
elections would be arrested. 

1945 "Those Websters" debuted on CBS radio. 

1945 During World War II, U.S. B-29 bombers launched incendiary bomb
attacks against Japan. 

1946 The A.F.L. accused Juan Peron of using the army to establish a
dictatorship over Argentine labor. 

1949 The first all-electric dining car in America was placed in
service on the Illinois Central Railroad. 

1954 WNBT-TV (now WNBC-TV), in New York, broadcast the first local
color television commercials. The ad was Castro Decorators of New York
City. (New York) 

1956 British authorities arrested and deported Archbishop Makarios
from Cyprus. He was accused of supporting terrorists. 

1957 Egyptian leader Nasser barred U.N. plans to share the tolls for
the use of the Suez Canal. 

1959 Mattel introduced Barbie at the annual Toy Fair in New York. 

1964 Production began on the first Ford Mustang. 

1965 The first U.S. combat troops arrived in South Vietnam. 

1967 Svetlana Alliluyeva, Josef Stalin's daughter defected to the
United States. 

1969 "The Smothers Brothers' Comedy Hour" was canceled by CBS-TV. 

1975 Work began on the Alaskan oil pipeline. 

1975 Iraq launched an offensive against the rebel Kurds. 

1977 About a dozen armed Hanafi Muslims invaded three buildings in
Washington, DC. They killed one person and took more than 130
hostages. The siege ended two days later. 

1983 The official Soviet news agency TASS says that U.S. President
Reagan is full of "bellicose lunatic anti-communism." 

1985 "Gone With The Wind" went on sale in video stores across the U.S.
for the first time. 

1986 U.S. Navy divers found the crew compartment of the space shuttle
Challenger along with the remains of the astronauts. 

1987 Chrysler Corporation offered to buy American Motors Corporation. 

1989 The U.S. Senate rejected John Tower as a choice for a cabinet
member. It was the first rejection in 30 years. 

1989 In Maylasia, 30 Asian nations conferred on the issue of "boat

1989 In the U.S., a strike forced Eastern Airlines into bankruptcy. 

1989 In the U.S., President George H.W. Bush urged for a mandatory
death penalty in drug-related killings. 

1990 Dr. Antonia Novello was sworn in as the first female and Hispanic
surgeon general. 

1993 Rodney King testified at the federal trial of four Los Angeles
police officers accused of violating his civil rights. (California) 

1995 The Canadian Navy arrested a Spanish trawler for illegally
fishing off of Newfoundland. 

2000 In Norway, the coalition government of Kjell Magne Bondevik
resigned as a result of an environmental dispute. 

2011 Illinois Governor Pat Quinn signed legislation that abolished the
death penalty in his state. 

2018  smiled.

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Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, March 8
Thank you Claude!

Trump sure has the Commies all confused with the tariffs!
Normally Democrats demand tariffs to protect union members, 
but during Obama's days, bribes from Socialist countries counted for
more. Apparently foreign unions are closer to Stalin, Putin and Soros.

Now, with Trump announcing that he is going to level the playing
field, the Democrats fear that they are going to loose their big
They don't give a hoot about American Steelworkers and Aluminum
smelter workers. 

What are the steel and smelter workers saying about the Democrats
whining about tariffs leveling the field? 
"That's a bunch of Pelosi! We can make our own rails and our own beer
cans. No need for subsidized imports stealing our jobs!"

I agree with the steel and smelter workers 100%.
I used to be one of them!

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Father and 19-year-old daughter caught 
having sex in somebody else's garden
Today, March 8 in
1618 Johann Kepler discovered the third Law of Planetary Motion.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of giants. --- Isaac Newton (1642 - 1727) Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock. --- John Barrymore (1882 - 1942) "Live so that your friends can defend you, but never have to." --- Arnold Glasow Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions. --- Evan Esar ----------------- Actually Economics is the same, but there the confusions change more frequently. _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Rina got lost with her car in a snow storm. She remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it." Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty five minutes. Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. She explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in a snow storm, to follow a plow. The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart parking lot, but you can follow me over to K-Mart" ______________________________________________________ Andy came to work one day limping something awful. One of his co-workers, Josh, noticed and asked Andy what happened. Andy replied, "Oh, nothing. It's just an old hockey injury that acts up once in a while." Josh, "Gee, I never knew you played hockey." Andy, "Well, I don't. I hurt it last year when I lost $1,000 on the Stanley Cup play-offs. I put my foot through the TV." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ White Egret Orchid (Habenaria Radiata) _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ About a year ago a friend, who lives in Virginia, was talking with her four year old son, Brent. He was asking her why all their relatives from Wisconsin talk funny and sound like their noses are plugged up. "They think we have an accent," she replied. "But they have an accent, right?", Brent asked. "They talk funny?" "Everybody talks in different ways" she tried to explain. "To them, we sound like we talk very slow and all our words are d-r-a-w-n out." His eyes got big, and he whispered seriously, "Oh, no. You mean they hear funny too?" _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Justin Bunn, 39, Taylor Bunn, 19 Panama City, Floriduh Father and 19-year-old daughter caught having sex in somebody else's back garden A Florida man and his 19-year-old daughter have been charged with incest after they were seen having sex in the backyard of a Panama City residence, according to court records. Justin Bunn, 39, and his daughter Taylor reportedly admitted to the consensual February 18 encounter, police say. A Panama City Police report charges that a witness spotted the Bunns “having sexual intercourse in a missionary position in the backyard” of a home about three miles from a residence the Bunns (seen above) share. Following his arrest Tuesday, Justin Bunn reportedly confessed to having sex with his daughter, but “stated it was an isolated incident.” Taylor Bunn, police report, also made “several admissions about having sexual intercourse with her father.” The Bunns have each been charged with incest, a felony. A judge yesterday set Justin Bunn’s bond at $5000, while his daughter will have to post $1000 to secure her release from the Bay County jail. The Bunns have been ordered to have no contact “in any manner” with each other. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From the Tech Support Pits: From: Monk Re: Saving videos Dear Webby, I am just now catching up with my old Webby news letters. What must I do to put your November Bonus link (a Pittance of time) into my video or my music folder in my omputer, Sir? Monk Dear Monk When you play it with MediaPlayer, let it play to the end, then click on File SaveAs and tell it where on your computer you want to park it. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
From Georgina: I was nervous the night my husband and I brought our kids to an upscale restaurant for the first time. My husband ordered a bottle of wine with the meal. When the waitress brought it, our children became quiet as she began the ritual uncorking. When she poured a small amount for my husband to taste, our six-year-old piped up, "Give it to Mom. Mom can drink a LOT more than that!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A three-year-old in the congregation regularly watched football games with his father. So much so, that he knew some of the signals the referee makes. On a recent Sunday, as the pastor raised his hands high to offer a blessing, the child interrupted the service by shouting, "Touchdown!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Start Your Day With a List If you are generally disorganized, get a spiral notebook and start making lists. Start by writing today's date followed by everything you need to do that day. As you finish items, cross them out with a single line, so you can still read what it said. If there is anything still on your list at the end of the day, write it at the top of the list the following day. Start your day with a list and you get more done. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Political Correctness: A doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical liberal minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end. --- Kati
Historic Route 66 in photos.
It has been too long since I drove Route 66! ___________________________________________________ When you're hospitalized, it pays to be nice to your nurse, even when you're feeling miserable. A bossy businessman learned the hard way after ordering his nurses around as if they were his employees. But the head nurse stood up to him. One morning she entered his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature." After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth. "No, I'm sorry, the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I can't use an oral thermometer." This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his bottom. After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay just like that until I get back!" She left the door to his room open on her way out, and he cursed under his breath as he heard people walking past his door laughing. After almost an hour, the man's doctor came into the room. "What's going on here?" asked the doctor. Angrily, the man answers, "What's the matter? Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?" "Yes, sure." said the doctor. "But never with Poison Ivy." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, March 8 in
1618 Johann Kepler discovered the third Law of Planetary Motion.

1702 England's Queen Anne took the throne upon the death of King
William III. 

1782 The Gnadenhutten massacre took place. About 90 Indians were
killed by militiamen in Ohio in retaliation for raids carried out by
other Indians. 

1855 A train passed over the first railway suspension bridge at
Niagara Falls, NY. 

1862 The Confederate ironclad "Merrimack" was launched. 

1887 The telescopic fishing rod was patented by Everett Horton. 

1894 A dog license law was enacted in the state of New York. It was
the first animal control law in the U.S. 

1904 The Bundestag in Germany lifted the ban on the Jesuit order of

1905 In Russia, it was reported that the peasant revolt was spreading
to Georgia. 

1909 Pope Pius X lifted the church ban on interfaith marriages in

1910 In France, Baroness de Laroche became the first woman to obtain a
pilot's license. 

1910 The King of Spain authorized women to attend universities. 

1911 In Europe, International Women's Day was celebrated for the first

1911 British Minister of Foreign Affairs Edward Gray declared that
Britain would not support France in the event of a military conflict. 

1917 Russia's "February Revolution" began with rioting and strikes in
St. Petersburg. The revolution was called the "February Revolution"
due to Russia's use of the Old Style calendar. 

1921 Spanish Premier Eduardo Dato was assassinated while leaving the
Parliament in Madrid. 

1921 After WWI French troops occupied Dusseldorf. 

1933 Self-liquidating scrip money was issued for the first time at
Franklin, IN. 

1941 Martial law was proclaimed in Holland in order to extinguish any
anti-Nazi protests. 

1942 During World War II, Japanese forces captured Rangoon, Burma. 

1943 Japanese forces attacked American troops on Hill 700 in
Bougainville. The battle lasted five days. 

1945 Phyllis Mae Daley received a commission in the U.S. Navy Nurse
Corps. She later became the first African-American nurse to serve duty
in World War II. 

1946 In New York City, the "Journal American" became the first
commercial business to receive a helicopter license. 

1946 The French naval fleet arrived at Haiphong, Vietnam. 

1948 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that religious instruction in public
schools was unconstitutional. Things have gone downhill ever since.

1953 A census bureau report indicated that 239,000 farmers had quit
farming over the last 2 years. 

1954 France and Vietnam opened talks in Paris on a treaty to form the
state of Indochina. 

1959 Groucho, Chico and Harpo made their final TV appearance together.

1961 Max Conrad circled the globe in a record time of eight days, 18
hours and 49 minutes in the Piper Aztec. 

1965 The U.S. landed about 3,500 Marines in South Vietnam. They were
the first U.S. combat troops to land in Vietnam. 

1966 Australia announced that it would triple the number of troops in

1973 Two bombs exploded near Trafalgar Square in Great Britain. 234
people were injured. 

1982 The U.S. accused the Soviets of killing 3,000 Afghans with poison

1985 The Internal Revenue Service (IRS) reported that 407,700
Americans were millionaires. That was more than double the total from
just five years before. 

1986 Four French television crewmembers were abducted in west Beirut.
All four were eventually released. 

1988 In Fort Campbell, KY, 17 U.S. soldiers were killed when two Army
helicopters collided in midair. 

1989 In Lhasa, Tibet, martial law was declared after three days of
protest against Chinese rule. 

1999 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the conviction of Timothy McVeigh
for the bombing of a federal building in Oklahoma City in 1995. 

1999 The White House, under President Bill Clinton, directed the
firing of nuclear scientist Wen Ho Lee from his job at the Los Alamos
National Laboratory. The firing was a result of alleged security

2001 The U.S. House of Representatives voted for an across-the-board
tax cut of nearly $1 trillion over the next decade. 

2005 In norther Chechnya, Chechen rebel leader Aslan Maskhadov was
killed during a raid by Russian forces.

2018  smiled.

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Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, March 7

I am sorry about the late delivery of the Humor Letter yesterday. I
had it written and tried to send it, but some mysterious server
problem blocked it. I hacked around on it till mid day until Victor in Ukraine fixed it.

I sure am going to sleep well tonight!

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Two men, teen-age girl arrested for conspiring 
to rob, assault victim
Today, March 7 in
1908 Cincinnati's Mayor Leopold Markbreit announced before the city
council that, "Women are not physically fit to operate automobiles." 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Howard Hughes was able to afford the luxury of madness, like a man who not only thinks he is Napoleon but hires an army to prove it. --- Ted Morgan Computer games don't affect kids, I mean if Pac Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching pills and listening to repetitive music. --- Marcus Brigstocke ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man. "This young man agreed to marry my daughter," said one. "No! He agreed to marry MY daughter," said the other. And so they haggled before the King, until he called for silence. "Bring me my biggest sword," said Solomon, "and I shall hew the young man in half. Each of you shall receive a half." "Sounds good to me," said the first lady. But the other woman said, "Oh Sire, do not spill innocent blood. Let the other woman's daughter marry him." The wise king did not hesitate a moment. "The young man must marry the first lady's daughter," he proclaimed. "But she was willing to hew him in two!" exclaimed the king's court. "Indeed," said wise King Solomon. "That shows she is the TRUE mother-in-law." ______________________________________________________ The plane was loaded with people when it made a refueling stop. They were told they would be on the ground for 1 hour and they could leave the plane while they refueled. They all got off except for a blind man and his dog. The pilot went to the back of the plane and saw the blind man. He had known him from his travels before. He approached the man and said, "Keith, would you like to leave the plane and stretch your legs?" "No, thank you," the man said, "but my dog would." A few minutes later, the pilot was seen passing through the gate with dark sunglasses and the dog. Most passengers changed their flight. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Your Ex? _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ When Rabbi Ovall picked up the phone, Special Agent Struzik from the IRS was on the line. "Hello, Rabbi Ovall?" "Yes, this is he." "I'm calling to inquire about a member of your congregation, a Dr. Finegold. Do you recognize the name?" "Yes, he is a member. How can I be of service?" "Well, on last year's tax return, the doctor claimed that he made a sizable tax-deductible contribution to your synagogue. Is that true?" "Well, I'll have to have my bookkeeper verify this information for you. How much did Dr. Finegold say he contributed?" "Twenty five thousand dollars," answered Agent Struzik. "Can you tell me if that's true?" There was a long pause. "I'll tell you what," replied Rabbi Ovall, "Call back tomorrow. By then it will be true." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Colton J. Lynch, 24, of Denver, Jeffrey R. Garrett, 19, of Adamstown, and a 15 year old girl Two men, teen-age girl arrested for conspiring to rob, assault victim Two men and a juvenile girl are accused of conspiring to rob a victim, Ephrata, PA police say. A month-long investigation led police to charge Jeffrey R. Garrett, 19, of Adamstown, Colton J. Lynch, 24, of Denver, and a 15-year-old juvenile girl with Robbery, Conspiracy to Commit Robbery and Aggravated Assault in connection to a suspected crime that occurred on Jan. 23. According to police, Garrett and Lynch asked the girl to find a victim they could assault and rob. The girl allegedly led a victim to a pre- arranged location, a parking garage in the 100 block of East Locust Street. There, Lynch and Garrett assaulted and robbed the victim, police say, cutting him on the elbow with a knife and stealing his wallet and its contents. Garrett is currently incarcerated in Lancaster County Prison after failing to post $50,000 bail. The juvenile’s charges were referred to Lancaster County Juvenile Probation. Lynch is still at large, police say. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Richard Re: Better PDF viewer Dear Webby, I appreciate what help you are giving. I think there is a problem with my registry. I cant use Adobe reader now because it wants me to use the latest version and now I cant install that. Do you know of any other PDF viewers. I seem to remember something in a distant path of my mind. .... lol Eventually Im going to do a re-instal. For now I'll limp by until I get up the nerve. Thanks Richard in Edmonton Dear Richard Just go to my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools and look for the PDF readers. There is a link there to Foxit. It is smaller and faster than Adobe, and works just fine, even with ClickBook. I haven't used Adobe in years. And it's free. Especially when you are doing research and have 4-5 e-boooks open, Foxit handles that easily, without overloading your computer even while printing one with Clickbook, while reading others. I print all ebooks in paperback book size booklets, 4 pages per sheet, with ClickBook. Saves a lot of paper and ink. That's the same as a 75% discount on all ink and all paper! Also, the paperback size format, printed front and back, makes them a lot more useful than loose, full size sheets. Right now ClickBook is on special at Clickbook (40% off regular price). Highly recommended! Foxit is a READER. If you want to re ad and EDIT PDF files, for example Government forms, then I recommend Nitro. Don't ask me why the Government puts their forms in PDF format. Maybe they get kickbacks from Microsoft and Adobe? You can get the Nitro reader at GoNitro I have used Nitro for half a dozen years. You can fill out all the silly forms, and even paste a scanned signature. Then email or fax it to them. They never know that you did not waste paper and toner or ink on their form. You can also clip pictures from eBooks or any PDF files with nitro. Quite often the picture of the day is a picture I harvested with Nitro. Like Clickbook, Nitro is one of the essentials in any decent tool box. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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Two kids are talking to each other. One says, "I'm really worried. My dad works twelve hours a day to give me a nice home and good food. My mom spends the whole day cleaning and cooking for me. I'm worried sick!" The other kid says, "What have you got to worry about? Sounds to me like you've got it made!" The first kid says, "Yeah, but what if they try to escape?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Three old men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first old man, "What is three times three?" "274," was his reply. The doctor says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?" "Tuesday," replies the second man. The doctor says to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three?" "Nine," says the third man. "That's great!" says the doctor. "How did you get that?" "Simple," says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thread Wall Organizer Keep spools of thread out of the way but in plain view by making this easy wall organizer. Cut a piece of plywood to the desired size and attach wall hangers on the top of it. Then cover the plywood with 1 1/2 inch headless nails (finishing nails work great). Position the nails at an angle so the thread spools don't slide off. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com I once made pegboards like that for my girlfriend, who did a lot of embroidery. For the wood I used regular "holy" panel like you see in hardware stores. The holes were an exact match for 3/16" dowels, just perfect for holding the little styrofoam spools she used for winding the yarns onto after untangling the skeins. I cut those pegboards to fit into an attache style hard briefcase and painted them with thick and smooth high gloss marine paint. Each of those panels held a "pallette" of colors, for example one was pastels, one was bright Brazilian embroidery rayon yarns, and so on. I made it so that four pallets just snugly fit into the case. With the cover closed, the yarns were protected from dust and smoke. Easy to make and might make a nice Christmas gift. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________ Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries. Boy: It's very kind of you, darling. But I don't have any worries or troubles. Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.
People are awesome!
Thanks to Dianne for this story: We got lucky when we heard the old Piedmont Hotel in Atlanta was getting a face-lift and its beautiful maple doors became available for sale as salvage items. We bought several and had them installed in our 19th-century home. Showing a friend around the house, I pointed out, "You know, these doors are from the Piedmont Hotel." He raised an eyebrow. "Most people just take the towels." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, March 7 in
0322 BC Aristotle, the Greek philosopher, died. 

1774 The British closed the port of Boston to all commerce. 

1799 In Palestine, Napoleon captured Jaffa and his men massacred more
than 2,000 Albanian prisoners. 

1848 In Hawaii, the Great Mahele was signed. 

1849 The Austrian Reichstag was dissolved. 

1854 Charles Miller received a patent for the sewing machine. 

1876 Alexander Graham Bell received a patent (U.S. Patent No. 174,465)
for his telephone. 

1901 It was announced that blacks had been found enslaved in parts of
South Carolina. 

1904 The Japanese bombed the Russian town of Vladivostok. 

1904 In Springfield, OH, a mob broke into a jail and shot a black man
accused of murder. 

1906 Finland granted women the right to vote. 

1908 Cincinnati's Mayor Leopold Markbreit announced before the city
council that, "Women are not physically fit to operate automobiles." 

1911 Willis Farnworth patented the coin-operated locker. 

1911 In the wake of the Mexican Revolution, the U.S. sent 20,000
troops to the border of Mexico. 

1918 Finland signed an alliance treaty with Germany. 

1925 The Soviet Red Army occupied Outer Mongolia. 

1927 A Texas law that banned Negroes from voting was ruled
unconstitutional by the U.S. Supreme Court. 

1933 CBS radio debuted "Marie The Little French Princess." It was the
first daytime radio serial. 

1933 The board game Monopoly was invented. 

1935 Malcolm Campbell set an auto speed record of 276.8 mph in

1936 Hitler sent German troops into the formerly German Rhineland in
violation of the Locarno Pact and the Treaty of Versailles. 

1942 Japanese troops landed on New Guinea. 

1945 During World War II, U.S. forces crossed the Rhine River at
Remagen, Germany. 

1947 John L. Lewis declared that only a totalitarian regime could
prevent strikes. 

1951 U.N. forces in Korea under General Matthew Ridgeway launched
Operation Ripper against the Chinese. 

1954 Russia appeared for the first time in ice-hockey competition.
Russia defeated Canada 7-2 to win the world ice-hockey title in
Stockholm, Sweden. 

1955 "Peter Pan" was presented as a television special for the first

1959 Melvin C. Garlow became the first pilot to fly over a million
miles in jet airplanes. 

1965 State troopers and a sheriff's posse broke up a march by civil
rights demonstrators in Selma, AL. 

1968 The Battle of Saigon came to an end. 

1971 A thousand U.S. planes bombed Cambodia and Laos. 

1981 Anti-government guerrillas in Colombia executed the kidnapped
American Bible translator Chester Allen Bitterman. The guerrillas
accused Bitterman of being a CIA agent. 

1987 Mike Tyson became the youngest heavyweight titleholder when he
beat James Smith in a decision during a 12-round fight in Las Vegas,

1989 Poland accused the Soviet Union of an end of World War II
massacre in Katyn. Russia had rounded up all Polish officers and all
Polish college graduates in the half of Poland, that Russia occupied, 
and executed them in the Katyn forest, then blamed it on Germany.

Interestingly, after the Soviets admitted that and built a memorial in
the Katyn Forest, they invited the Polish Government leaders and
intelligentsia to the opening ceremony. That jet crashed near the
airport. Nobody knows why. All passengers died in the crash.

1994 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that parodies that poke fun at an
original work can be considered "fair use" that does not require
permission from the copyright holder. 

1994 In Moldovia, a referendum to form a union with Rumania was
rejected by 90% of voters. 

1999 In El Salvador, Francisco Flores Pérez of the ruling Nationalist
Republican Alliance (Arena) was elected president. 

2002 A federal judge awarded Anna Nicole Smith more than $88 million
in damages. The ruling was the latest in a legal battle over the
estate of Smith's late husband, J. Howard Marshall II. 

2003 Scientists at the Stanford Linear Accelerator Center announced
that they had transferred 6.7 gigabytes of uncompressed data from
Sunnvale, CA, to Amsterdam, Netherlands, in 58 seconds. The data was
sent via fiber-optic cables and traveled 6,800 miles. 

2009 NASA's Kepler Mission, a space photometer for searching for
extrasolar planets in the Milky Way galaxy, was launched from Cape
Canaveral Air Force Station, Florida.

2018  smiled.

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Onfiltered== Censored 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, March 5

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Man held without bail in I-495 hatchet carjackings
Today, March 5 in
1624 In the American colony of Virginia, the upper class 
was exempted from whipping by legislation.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ To die for an idea; it is unquestionably noble. But how much nobler it would be if men died for ideas that were true! -- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ THE TODDLER DIET Americans are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble with most diets is that you don't get enough to eat (the starvation diet), or you don't get enough variation (the liquid diet) or you go broke (the all-meat diet). Consequently, people tend to cheat on their diets, or quit after 3 days, or go right back to stuffing their faces after it is all over. Is there nothing you can do but give up and tell your friends you have a gland problem? Well, now there's the new Toddler Miracle Diet! Over the years you may have noticed, as I have, that most two-year-olds are trim. It came to me one day over a glass of water and a carrot that perhaps their diet is the reason. After consultation with pediatricians, X-ray technicians, and distraught Moms, I was able to formulate this new diet. It is inexpensive, offering great variety and sufficient quantity. Before embarking on this diet, however, be sure to check with your doctor -- otherwise, you might have to see him afterward. Good luck! DAY ONE Breakfast: One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly. Eat 2 bites of egg, using your fingers; dump the rest on the floor. Take 1 bite of toast, then smear the jelly over your face and clothes. Lunch: Four crayons (any color), a handful of potato chips, and a glass of milk (3 sips only, then spill the rest). Dinner: A dry stick, two pennies and a nickel, 4 sips of flat Pepsi. Bedtime snack: Toast a piece of bread and toss it on the kitchen floor. DAY TWO Breakfast: Pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat it. Drink half bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of vegetable dye. Lunch: Half a tube of "Pulsating Pink" lipstick and a handful of Purina Dog Chow (any flavor). One ice cube, if desired. Afternoon Snack: Lick an all-day sucker until sticky, take outside, drop in dirt. Retrieve and continue slurping until it is clean again. Then bring inside and drop on the rug. Dinner: A rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust up your left nostril. Pour grape Kool-Aid over mashed potatoes; eat with a spoon. DAY THREE Breakfast: Two pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat one with fingers, rub in hair. Glass of milk; drink half, stuff other pancake in glass. After breakfast, pick up yesterday's sucker from rug, lick off fuzz, and put it on the cushion of your best chair. Lunch: Three matches, peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Spit several bites onto the floor. Pour glass of milk on table and slurp up. Dinner: Dish of ice cream, handful of potato chips, some red punch. FINAL DAY Breakfast: A quarter-tube of toothpaste (any flavor), bit of soap, an olive. Pour a glass of milk over bowl of Cornflakes, add a half cup of sugar. Once cereal is soggy, drink milk and feed cereal to dog. Lunch: Eat crumbs off kitchen floor and dining room carpet. Find that sucker and finish eating it. Dinner: A glass of spaghetti and chocolate milk. Leave meatball on plate. Stick of mascara for dessert. ______________________________________________________ An wealthy 65-year-old man falls in love with a young woman in her twenties and is contemplating a proposal. "Do you think she'd marry me if I tell her I'm 45?" he asked a friend. "Your chances are better," said the friend, "if you tell her you're 85." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Brittlebush, south of Tucson, AZ And here we have 2 feet of snow. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Thanks to Lorna for this report: While waiting for my first appointment in the reception room of a new dentist, I noticed his certificate, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered that a tall, handsome boy with the same name had been in my high school class almost 50 years ago. Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was too old to have been my classmate. After he had examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended the local high school. "Yes," he replied. "When did you graduate?" I asked. He answered, "In 1953." "Why, you were in my class!" I exclaimed. He looked at me closely and then asked, "What did you teach?" _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Marcos Garcia, 42, Lawrence, Massawhosits Man held without bail in I-495 hatchet carjackings A Lawrence man who allegedly used a hatchet to carjack another car following a crash on Interstate 495 on Wednesday night is being held without bail. Marcos Garcia, 42, was arraigned on Thursday in his hospital bed at Lahey Hospital and Medical Center. He pleaded, through an interpreter, not guilty to two counts of carjacking, one count of negligent operation of a motor vehicle and one count of resisting arrest. Garcia will face a judge again next Wednesday in Ayer District Court for a dangerousness hearing, assuming he's not hospitalized. Around 7:15 p.m. Wednesday, state police were dispatched to a reported motor vehicle crash on the southbound side of Interstate 495 in Chelmsford. State police said in a press release that night that Garcia had operated one of the vehicles involved, then allegedly used a hatchet to carjack another vehicle and continued along 495 until he struck two other vehicles and crashed in Littleton. Thursday's arraignment stems from the Littleton crash. Police are still investigating the Chelmsford portion of the alleged incident. Assistant District Attorney April O'Brien said Thursday that Garcia attempted to steal the two vehicles following the crash in Littleton. The driver of a black BMW told police Garcia, at the time shirtless and covered in blood, entered his car and tried to steal it, while the driver of a Toyota Sienna told police he attempted to enter her car. "He was swaying on his feet," O'Brien said during Thursday's arraignment. "Police continued to yell at him to comply. He was punching his fists. He said no. Police had to use a Taser. It took them activating the Taser five times to get the defendant under control." No mention was made at Thursday's arraignment of the hatchet Garcia allegedly used to carjack the first vehicle. The charges were read to Garcia through an interpreter. He sat upright and alert, handcuffed to his hospital bed with a bandage on the right side of his face. Judge David Frank ordered Garcia held without bail until his dangerousness hearing. Thomas Combs, Garcia's attorney, declined to comment following Thursday's arraignment. Tom O'Donnell, of Westford, who was driving on I-495 at the time of the initial tractor-trailer crash in Chelmsford, said he "saw a van screaming down the high-speed lane." According to O'Donnell, the driver of the van was the carjacker. "I spoke to the driver of the tractor trailer," O'Donnell said. "He said the van cut in front of him." This caused the tractor trailer to swerve in an attempt to avoid contact with the reckless vehicle. "The tractor-trailer driver was a real hero in my opinion by keeping control of his truck," O'Donnell said. "I'm amazed that the only person hurt was the driver of the van." _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Don C Re: Censored Dear Webby, Frequently I find jokes or other anecdotes have been cut short by a line of equal signs which prevent me from reading the rest of the story. Following is an example. Is it somthing I am doing? What can I do to correct it? Thank you. Don C valve stems were all even. Without even a laugh or a chuckle, he did as she had asked, and put "Rotated tires" onfiltered=============== Dear Don "onfiltered==" means that Yahoo has censored some stuff. Once you graduate and upgrade to a better mail system, that nonsense will instantly stop. In the meantime you can check the on-line copy at http://webby.com/humor or the archive blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog to see what the punch line is, that everybody else got in their mail. Have FUN! DearWebby

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A vacationer e-mailed a seaside hotel in England to ask its location. "It's only a stone's throw away from Stoney Beach," he was told. "But how will I recognize it?" asked the man. Back came the reply: "It's the one with all the broken windows."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you all understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17." The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many people had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark only has 16 chapters. I will know proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Take a Break From Your Computer Avoid sitting in front of your computer for more than 30 minutes at a time. If you find you lose track of time, set a timer to go off in 30 minutes. Then get up, stretch, and walk around a bit before sitting back down. It also helps ease eye strain if you periodically look at distant objects. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ The supervisor for the British Government Road Construction Workers Union called the meeting to order. "Men -- we've agreed on a new deal with the Government. We'll no longer have to work FOUR days a week!" "HOOORAY!!!" the crowd cheered. "We'll quit work at 4 PM and not 5 PM!" "HOORAY!!!" the crowd roared. "We don't have to be in until 11 AM instead of 10 AM!" "HOORAY!!!" the crowd thundered. "And now, even though 99% of the roads in the country are blocked by orange barrels, we'll only have to work on Wednesdays!!" Silence. A voice from the back of the room asks, "You mean, EVERY Wednesday?"
Let's take a trip to Scotland.
Showing his friend around his home, Fred started to point out all of the collectibles he and his wife had acquired over their long years of marriage. "The day before I die, I'd like to sell every piece we've got just to see how much it's all worth." "But you couldn't possibly know the day before you were going to die, so how could you sell it." "Simple: When I sell it, my wife will kill me!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, March 5 in
1623 The first alcohol temperance law in the colonies was enacted in

1624 In the American colony of Virginia, the upper class was exempted
from whipping by legislation. 

1750 "King Richard III" was performed in New York City. It was the
first Shakespearean play to be presented in America. 

1766 The first Spanish governor of Louisiana, Antonio de Ulloa,
arrived in New Orleans. 

1770 "The Boston Massacre" took place when British troops fired on a
crowd in Boston killing five people. Two British troops were later
convicted of manslaughter. 

1793 Austrian troops defeated the French and recaptured Liege. 

1836 Samuel Colt's Patent Arms Manufacturing of Paterson, New Jersey,
was chartered by the New Jersey legislature. 

1842 A Mexican force of over 500 men under Rafael Vasquez invaded
Texas for the first time since the revolution. They briefly occupied
San Antonio, but soon headed back to the Rio Grande. 

1845 The U.S. Congress appropriated $30,000 to ship camels to the
western U.S. 

1872 George Westinghouse patented the air brake. Air brakes had been
around, but he came up with car borne reservoirs that made them much
more efficient.

1900 Two U.S. battleships left for Nicaragua to halt revolutionary

1901 Germany and Britain began negotiations with hopes of creating an

1902 In France, the National Congress of Miners decided to call for a
general strike for an 8-hour day. 

1907 In St. Petersburg, Russia, the new Duma opened. 40,000
demonstrators were dispersed by troops. 

1910 In Philadelphia, PA, 60,000 people left their jobs to show
support for striking transit workers. 

1910 The Moroccan envoy signed the 1909 agreement with France. 

1912 The Italians became the first to use dirigibles for military
purposes. They used them for reconnaissance flights behind Turkish
lines west of Tripoli. 

1918 The Soviets moved the capital of Russia from Petrograd to Moscow.

1922 "Annie Oakley" (Phoebe Ann Moses) broke all existing records for
women's trap shooting. She hit 98 out of 100 targets. 

1923 Old-age pension laws were enacted in the states of Montana and

1933 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt ordered a four-day bank
holiday in order to stop large amounts of money from being withdrawn
from banks. 

1933 The Nazi Party won 44 percent of the vote in German parliamentary

1934 In Amarillo, TX, the first Mother's-In-Law Day was celebrated. 

1943 Germany called fifteen- and sixteen-year-olds for military
service due to war losses. 

1946 Winston Churchill delivered his "Iron Curtain Speech". 

1946 The U.S. sent protests to the U.S.S.R. re incursions into
Manchuria and Iran. 

1953 Soviet dictator Joseph Stalin died. He had been in power for 29

1956 The U.S. Supreme Court affirmed the ban on segregation in public

1970 A nuclear non-proliferation treaty went into effect after 43
nations ratified it. It made no difference.

1976 The British pound fell below the equivalent of $2 for the first
time in history. 

1984 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that cities had the right to display
the Nativity scene as part of their Christmas display. 

1984 The U.S. accused Iraq of using poison gas. 

1985 Mike Bossy (New York Islanders) became the first National Hockey
League player to score 50 goals in eight consecutive seasons. 

1993 Cuban President Fidel Castro said that Hillary Clinton was "a
beautiful woman." 

1993 Sprinter Ben Johnson was banned from racing for life by the
Amateur Athletic Association after testing positive for banned
performance-enhancing substances for a second time. 

1998 NASA announced that an orbiting craft had found enough water on
the moon to support a human colony and rocket fueling station. 

1998 It was announced that Air Force Lt. Col. Eileen Collins would
lead crew of Columbia on a mission to launch a large X-ray telescope.
She was the first woman to command a space shuttle mission. 

2018  smiled.

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Computer service manuals 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, March 4

Still snowing

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman had pipe, three bags and 
a box inside private parts in jail
Today, March 4 in
1634 Samuel Cole opened the first tavern in Boston, MA.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Every man is a damn fool for at least five minutes every day; wisdom consists of not exceeding the limit. --- Elbert Hubbard (1856 - 1915) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man is concentrating diligently on the papers on his desk when a co-worker comes up. "Say, you want to hit the golf course this afternoon?" he asks. "Sorry," the man says, "I can't." "Why not?" "The doctor tells me I can't play." "Oh," says the co-worker, "he's been out with you, too?" ______________________________________________________ A wife was getting tired of her husband golfing every Saturday, so she decided to go with him to see what the attraction was. His first drive of the day went into the rough, then his second shot bounced across the fairway into the lake. After retrieving his ball, his third shot wasn't any better. It went back across the fairway into the rough again. After taking several more shots to finally reach the green, he turned to his wife and said, "And you thought I was having a good time." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Because winter was so dry, Ocotillos are early this year. I can't go to Arizona this year, but I still enjoy the pictures! _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ The bank manager noticed the new clerk wasn't good at counting money or adding up figures. "Where did you get your finance education?" he asked. "Yale," replied the lad. "And what's your name?" barked the manager. "Yim Yohnston," he replied. _____________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Lillian Adams, 33, St Augustine, Florida Florida woman had pipe, three bags and a box inside private parts in jail A St. Augustine woman had multiple items hidden in her private parts while she was being processed for drug possession, a St. Johns County Sheriff's Office report said. Lillian Adams, 33, was pulled over near the St. Augustine Outlets and booked for drug possession and smuggling contraband after a traffic stop. The arrest report said that when Adams was being processed at the St. Johns County Jail, a body scanner revealed a pipe in her private area. After Adams removed it, she went back through the body scanner, where more objects were found, the report said. Adams told the officers that she had more drugs and removed a red box containing a white substance, the report said. When she went back through the scanner, another object was found, and Adams was told she would be strip-searched. She told the deputy, "Okay, I have more drugs, I promise this time, this is everything." Adams then removed three bags from a private area, which also held a white substance, the report said. Jail records show that Adams was released on $5,500 bail. Also arrested during the traffic stop was Ryan Smith, 30. The report said that he chewed a chicken nugget with marijuana on it during the traffic stop. Smith resisted arrest and spat out the marijuana when handcuffed, the report said. Smith told the arresting deputy that he ate the marijuana during the traffic stop because he had just been released from jail and did not wish to be arrested again. Jail records show that Smith was just released from the St. Johns County Jail three weeks ago. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Rick Re: Service Manuals Dear Webby, Years ago you had a link to all kinds of service manuals. Do you still have that? Rick Dear Rick Yes, sure. Service Manuals Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
If it is not Valentines day and you see a man in a flower shop, you can probably start up a conversation by asking, "What did you forget?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A friend, working in a gas station, was doing some minor repairs on a ladies vehicle. Before the car was removed from the rack, she asked him to rotate all the wheels so that the valve stems were all even. Without even a laugh or a chuckle, he did as she had asked, and put "Rotated tires" onto the work sheet that she had to take up to the front. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Free Car Rental If you are having a major car repair done and your car won't be available to you for days, or even weeks, ask the garage doing the repair to give you a loaner car to use while you wait. They may have loaner cars available for this purpose or they may arrange to get you a car from a rental agency. If they say no, call around to other repair shops and see if they offer this service for major repairs. It could save you hundreds of dollars if public transportation or a car pool isn't available to get to your workplace. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ A woman visits an import parts warehouse and asks for a 28-ounce water pump. "A what?" says the confused parts guy. "My husband says he needs a 28-ounce water pump, he even wrote it down for me." "A 28-ounce water pump? What kind of car does it fit?" "A Datsun." As the parts guy writes down "Datsun, 28 oz. water pump" the light in his head goes on. "Oh yes ma'am. We've got 28-ounce water pumps. We have 24-ounce and 26-ounce water pumps too." "Finally," she says. "You're the first place I've called that knew what I was talking about." "Yes ma'am. That's because we're a full service parts warehouse. It's our job to have the parts you need, like a 28-ounce water pump," he says, smiling, as he jots down Customer pick-up, Datsun 280 Z water pump, part number . . .
Welcome to the Shirk Report where you will find 20 funny images, 10 interesting articles and 5 entertaining videos from the last 7 days of sifting.
An elderly fellow was taken to the hospital for an examination of his circulatory system. When he got home, his wife asked what had happened. He said, "They worked this gadget into my artery and up into my heart, and then they sucked out thirty years of chocolate cake." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, March 4 in
1634 Samuel Cole opened the first tavern in Boston, MA.

1681 England's King Charles II granted a charter to William Penn for
an area that later became the state of Pennsylvania. 

1766 The British Parliament repealed the Stamp Act, which had caused
bitter and violent opposition in the U.S. colonies. 

1778 The Continental Congress voted to ratify the Treaty of Amity and
Commerce and the Treaty of Alliance. The two treaties were the first
entered into by the U.S. government. 

1789 The first Congress of the United States met in New York and
declared that the U.S. Constitution was in effect. 

1813 The Russians fighting against Napoleon reached Berlin. The French
garrison evacuated the city without a fight. 

1826 The first railroad in the U.S. was chartered. It was the Granite
Railway in Quincy, MA. 

1861 The Confederate States of America adopted the "Stars and Bars"

1877 Emile Berliner invented the microphone. 

1880 Halftone engraving was used for the first time when the "Daily
Graphic" was published in New York City. 

1904 In Korea, Russian troops retreated toward the Manchurian border
as 100,000 Japanese troops advanced. 

1908 The New York board of education banned the act of whipping
students in school. 

1908 France notified signatories of Algeciras that it would send
troops to Chaouia, Morocco. 

1914 Doctor Fillatre successfully separated Siamese twins. 

1933 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt gave his inauguration speech in
which he said "We have nothing to fear, but fear itself." 

1942 "Junior Miss" starring Shirley Temple aired on CBS radio for the
first time. 

1952 U.S. President Harry Truman dedicated the "Courier," the first
seagoing radio broadcasting station. 

1954 In Boston, Peter Bent Brigham Hospital reported the first
successful kidney transplant. 

1975 Queen Elizabeth knighted Charlie Chaplin. 

1991 Sheik Saad al-Jaber al-Sabah, the prime minister of Kuwait,
returned to his country for the first time since Iraq's invasion. 

1997 U.S. President Clinton barred federal spending on human cloning. 

1998 Microsoft repaired software that apparently allowed hackers to
shut down computers in government and university offices nationwide. 

1998 The U.S. Supreme Court said that federal law banned on-the-job
sexual harassment even when both parties are the same sex.

1999 Monica Lewinsky's book about her affair with U.S. President
Clinton went on sale in the U.S. 

2002 Canada banned human embryo cloning but permitted government-
funded scientists to use embryos left over from fertility treatment or

2012 Vladimir Putin won re-election in Russia's presidential election.

2018  smiled.

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Alphabetically sorted file list to text 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, March 3

We got another 10 inches of snow. 
No Gullible warming here, same as almost everywhere.

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Brooklyn woman busted for poisoning her friend’s 
cheesecake in bid to steal her identity
Today, March 3 in
1945 At the end of World War II Finland switched sides to the winning
side before the war was completely over and declared war on the Axis.
They had asked Germany to help them against the invading Russians, and
now demanded that all Germans quickly leave before the war was
completely over.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Fortune can, for her pleasure, fools advance, And toss them on the wheels of Chance. --- Juvenal (55 AD - 127 AD) When men are pure, laws are useless; when men are corrupt, laws are broken. --- Benjamin Disraeli (1804 - 1881) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Official sign near door: Door Alarmed. Handprinted sign nearby: Window frightened. ______________________________________________________ A salesman is driving down a country road when he sees a young kid in front of a barn. On the barn are 5 targets with arrows in the bulls eye of each target. Screeching to a stop he runs out to the kid amazed that this kid could shoot so well. "Son," he says, "how did you hit all those bulls eyes?" "Well sir," the boy replied, "I take the arrow and lick my fingers like this, then I take my fingers and straiten the feathers like this, take aim with my hand against my cheek, let go and where ever the arrow hits, I draw a bulls eye." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Watch out, Bullwinkle! _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Ronald Reagan: "Here's my strategy on the Cold War: We win, they lose." - Ronald Reagan "The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help." - Ronald Reagan "The trouble with our liberal friends is not that they're ignorant: It's just that they know so much that isn't so." - Ronald Reagan "Of the four wars in my lifetime none came about because the U.S. was too strong." - Ronald Reagan "I have wondered at times about what the Ten Commandment's would have looked like if Moses had run them through the U.S. Congress." - Ronald Reagan "The taxpayer: That's someone who works for the federal government but doesn't have to take the civil service examination." - Ronald Reagan "Government is like a baby: An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other." - Ronald Reagan "The nearest thing to eternal life we will ever see on this earth is a government program." - Ronald Reagan "I've laid down the law, though, to everyone from now on about anything that happens: no matter what time it is, wake me, even if it's in the middle of a Cabinet meeting." - Ronald Reagan "It has been said that politics is the second oldest profession. I have learned that it bears a striking resemblance to the first." - Ronald Reagan "Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it." - Ronald Reagan "Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book." - Ronald Reagan "No arsenal, or no weapon in the arsenals of the world, is so formidable as the will and moral courage of free men and women. - Ronald Reagan "If we ever forget that we're one nation under God, then we will be a nation gone under." - Ronald Reagan _____________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Viktoria Nasyrova, 42, Brooklyn, New York Brooklyn woman busted for poisoning her friend’s cheesecake in bid to steal her identity Russian fugitive 'who fled to Brooklyn to escape murder charges' is accused of poisoning her look-alike with cheesecake in an attempt to steal her identity Viktoria Nasyrova was arraigned Tuesday on a 10-count indictment with charges including attempted murder, burglary and assault Accused of trying to murder her look-alike with tranquilizer-laced cheesecake Olga Tsvyk, was found passed out with pills around her to look like suicide Arrested March 20, 2017 after being tracked down after three years on the run She is also wanted in Russia for allegedly murdering Alla Alekseenko, 54, in 2014 A Russian fugitive with a taste for expensive furs has been accused of poisoning her look-alike with a cheesecake and then stealing her identity and other property and hiding out in the United States. Viktoria Nasyrova was arraigned Tuesday on a 10-count indictment including charges of attempted murder, burglary, assault and others. The 42-year-old was arrested March 20, 2017 in Brooklyn after finally being tracked down due to her latest alleged crime. Her lawyer declined to comment on the charges. Nasayrova is also accused of fleeing to New York in 2014 after allegedly killing another woman and seducing the lead detective in her prosecution. Prosecutors say Nasyrova visited the Queens home of the fellow Russian speaking victim Olga Tsvyk in 2016 bearing a cheesecake tainted with phenazepam, a powerful Russian-made tranquilizer. The 35-year-old victim, who bares a striking resemblance to Nasayrova, ate the cheesecake, became ill and passed out, prosecutors said. She was found the next day on her bed unconscious and dressed in lingerie with pills scattered about as if she tried to kill herself. The victim later realized her passport, employment card, a gold ring and cash were missing. If convicted, Nasyrova faces up to 25 years in prison. Nasayrova is also wanted in Russia for the slaying of a Alla Alekseenko, 54, whose remains were found burned and buried two miles from her home in Krasnodar. The victim's body was spotted in the front seat of Nasyrova's car by traffic cameras, DailyMail.com exclusively revealed when she was arrested in 2017. Investigators said she was motivated by money. The victim's daughter, Nadezda Ford, said she got a text message purporting to be from her missing mother shortly after her mother's disappearance saying: 'Sweetie, don't worry about me, I'll notify you about where I am soon enough.' But the message came after traffic camera footage appeared to show her mother dead in Nasyrova's passenger seat on the day she disappeared, October 5, 2014. Alekseenko's body was found months later, and investigators found $17,000 in cash and jewelry missing from her home. She has denied any part in the Alekseenko murder. Nasayrova was allegedly able to escape Russia by having sex with a local police officer. By November that year she had moved to New York. Once settled into her home in Sheepshead Bay, Brooklyn, police said she enjoyed a lavish lifestyle of diamonds and furs, paid for by the men she lured into her life. She allegedly drugged and robbed each male before moving onto her next target. Nasayrova was eventually tracked down last year by a private detective Herman Weisberg, who was approached by Ford after she learned her mother's suspected killer was living near to her in Brooklyn. 'A Good Samaritan who knew the daughter of the murdered Russian woman got in touch with me and told me the story,' Weisberg told DailyMail.com. 'She offered to pay whatever cost for me to track her down and bring her to justice.' Ford 'was living in fear of this woman, had already moved once and was heartbroken over the loss of her mother,' said Weisberg. The intrepid detective discovered that Nasyrova was still regularly using Facebook under a different name, and found her secret profile. 'After poring over pictures I realized the stitching on the leather car seat in one of her selfies was unique to a high-end Chrysler. I then had my surveillance team scour Sheepshead Bay until we found the vehicle,' the gumshoe said. The team found the vehicle, a Chrysler 300, and began a stakeout. Weisberg's discovery paid off - they'd located the mysterious fugitive. NYPD Chief of Detectives Bob Boyce said: 'She's a con artist who meets people online through a dating site and then drugs them at some point, and takes their property from them and flees'. She was arrested by the NYPD Warrant Squad on an open warrant for the alleged seduction robberies after Weisberg alerted investigators to her location, since Russia doesn't have an extradition treaty with the U.S. 'She embarked on a life of crime here, and we don't have the whole story yet. We only have bits and pieces', Boyce added. 'What’s incredible is that Nasyrova wasn't living like she was on the lam – we pictured her out shopping for a 50-inch widescreen TV,' said Weisberg. 'We think she was empowered by her previous arrest for shoplifting, which didn’t pick up the fact she is wanted by Interpol for this murder.' Nasyrova was arrested in May of 2016 for stealing two furs worth $532 from a Century 21, but wasn't flagged as an international fugitive at the time. 'It would have made her feel like she had slipped the net,' said Weisberg. 'Not now.' Nasyrova now claims that people in jail started to 'threaten and harass her,' according to a notice of claim filed against the city. She apparently plans to sue. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Cookie Re: Make an alphabetical list Dear Webby, How do I make an alphabetical list of files in a folder to use in a web page menu? Cookie Dear Cookie Use the trick with the command prompt in Explorer from a few days ago, to open a command line in that folder. At the command line type dir /b and hit Enter. At a speed that you only get in DOS, it will throw the directory listing up onto the screen. You can either right-click and mark it for copying (by hitting Enter), and then paste that into a spreadsheet, or you can type the command again like this: dir /b > dirlist.txt and hit Enter. It will look as if that didn't work, but it did, just too fast to observe. It did the listing and put it into the file dirlist.txt. You can open that with any text editor or spreadsheet. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
From Cookie: COLLEGE COURSES MEN WISH WERE AVAILABLE FOR WOMEN Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits. Combating the Imelda Marcos Syndrome: You Do Not Need New Shoes Everyday Parties: Going Without New Outfits Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor Is His. Communication Skills I: Tears-The Last Resort, Not the First. Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking. Communication Skills III: Getting What You Want, Without Nagging. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire. Party Etiquette: Drinking Your Fair Share. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up Overcoming Anal Retentive Behavior: Leaving the Towels on the Floor Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon,Eggs and Butter. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not For Human Consumption. Cooking III: How Not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully. PMS: Your Problem . . . Not His Sex: It's For Married Couples Too. Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Have. Oil and Gas: Your Car Needs Both. "Do These Jeans Make My Butt Look Big?"-Why Men Lie. TV Remotes: For Men Only.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
This year's Halloween the University tracked Trick-or-Treaters according to their star signs and found the following: Aries pushes the others aside to get to the door first. Taurus will only eat the finest of Swiss chocolates. Gemini goes around the neighbourhood once, changes costumes and goes around again. Cancer stays at home and gives candy to the other trick-or-treaters. Leos plan their costume for months, then won't go out because someone else had the same idea. Virgo wears a neatly-pressed suit and tells everyone they're a bookkeeper. Libra is still standing in front of the closet trying to decide on a costume. Scorpio isn't in it for the candy. Sagittarius will manage to wander to the next town. Capricorn makes a list of all the houses that give good candy and the optimal route to take. Aquarius builds the costume out of spare flashlights and spends all night tinkering when it shorts. Pisces skips the whole thing to compose poetry to the Moon. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com What Can I Use on Laminate Floors That Won't Streak? Find out what your flooring company recommends. My laminate flooring package said to use Windex. It works beautifully. By Vi Johnson Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ A hunting guide got himself into an embarassing fix. His party became hopelessly lost in the mountains and they blamed him for leading them astray. "You told us you were the best guide in Montana!" they asserted. "I am," he said, "but I think we're in Alberta now."
George Carl performs a funny vaudeville act on the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson.
Dear Webby... Your daily letter is like receiving good news from a dear friend. Thank you so much for bringing so much enjoyment to so many. Sincerely, Yong ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, March 3 in
1803 The first impeachment trial of a U.S. Judge, John Pickering,

1812 The U.S. Congress passed the first foreign aid bill. 

1817 The first commercial steamboat route from Louisville to New
Orleans was opened. 

1845 Florida became the 27th U.S. state. 

1845 The U.S. Congress passed legislation overriding a U.S.
President’s veto. It was the first time the Congress had achieved

1845 An Act of Congress established uniform postal rates throughout
the nation. The act went into effect on July 1, 1845. 

1849 The Gold Coinage Act was passed by the U.S. Congress. It allowed
the minting of gold coins. 

1849 The U.S. Congress created the territory of Minnasohta. 

1851 The U.S. Congress authorized the 3-cent piece. It was the
smallest U.S. silver coin. 

1857 Britain and France declared war on China. 

1863 Free city delivery of mail was authorized by the U.S. Postal

1878 Russia and the Ottomans signed the treaty of San Stenafano. The
treaty granted independence to Romania, Serbia, Montenegro, and the
autonomy of Bulgaria. 

1885 The American Telephone and Telegraph (AT&T) was incorporated in
New York as a subsidiary of the American Bell Telephone Company. 

1900 Striking miners in Germany returned to work. 

1903 The U.S. imposed a $2 head tax on immigrants. 

1904 Wilhelm II of Germany made the first recording of a political
document with Thomas Edison's cylinder. 

1905 The Russian Czar agreed to create an elected assembly. 

1906 A Frenchman tried the first flight in an airplane with tires. 

1908 The U.S. government declared open war on on U.S. anarchists. 

1909 Aviators Herring, Curtiss and Bishop announced that airplanes
would be made commercially in the U.S. 

1910 J.D. Rockefeller Jr. announced his withdrawal from business to
administer his father's fortune for an "uplift in humanity". He also
appealed to the U.S. Congress for the creation of the Rockefeller

1910 In New York, Robert Forest founded the National Housing
Association to fight deteriorating urban living conditions. 

1910 Nicaraguan rebels admitted defeat in open war and resorted to
guerrilla tactics in the hope of U.S. intervention. 

1915 The motion picture "Birth of a Nation" debuted in New York City. 

1918 The Treaty of Brest Litovsky was signed by Germany, Austria and
Russia. The treaty ended Russia's participation in World War I. 

1923 The first issue of Time magazine was published. 

1930 "Flying High" opened at the Apollo Theatre in New York City. 

1931 The "Star Spangled Banner," written by Francis Scott Key, was
adopted as the American national anthem. The song was originally a
poem known as "Defense of Fort McHenry." 

1939 In Bombay, Ghandi began a fast to protest the state's autocratic

1941 Moscow denounced the Axis rule in Bulgaria. 

1945 Superman encountered Batman and Robin for the first time on the
Mutual Broadcasting System. 

1945 At the end of World War II Finland switched sides to the winning
side before the war was completely over and declared war on the Axis.
They had asked Germany to help them against the invading Russians, and
now demanded that all Germans quickly leave before the war was
completely over.

1952 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld New York's Feinberg Law that banned
Communist teachers in the U.S. 

1956 Morocco gained its independence. 

1969 Apollo 9 was launched by NASA to test a lunar module. 

1969 Sirhan Sirhan testified in a Los Angeles court that he killed
Robert Kennedy. 

1972 NASA's Pioneer 10 spacecraft was launched. 

1973 Japan disclosed its first defense plan since World War II. 

1974 About 350 people died when a Turkish Airlines DC-10 crashed just
after takeoff from Orly Airport in Paris. 

1978 The remains of Charles Chaplin were stolen from his grave in
Cosier-sur-Vevey, Switzerland. The body was recovered 11 weeks later
near Lake Geneva. 

1980 The submarine Nautilus was decommissioned. The vessels final
voyage had ended on May 26, 1979. 

1985 Women Against Pornography awarded its ‘Pig Award’ to Huggies
Diapers. The activists claimed that the TV ads for diapers had
"crossed the line between eye-catching and porn." 

1987 The U.S. House of Representatives rejected a package of $30
million in non-lethal aid for the Nicaraguan Contras. 

1991 25 people were killed when a United Airlines Boeing 737-200
crashed while on approach to the Colorado Springs airport. 

1991 Rodney King was severely beaten by Los Angeles police officers.
The scene was captured on amateur video.

1994 The Mexican government reached a peace agreement with the Chiapas

1995 A U.N. peacekeeping mission in Somalia ended. Several gunmen were
killed by U.S. Marines in Mogadishu while overseeing the pull out of

1999 In Egypt, 19 people were killed when a bus plunged into a Nile

2018  smiled.

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Open a command prompt in Explorer 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, March 2
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Catholic priest accused of kidnapping, 
confinement and domestic battery of wife
Today, March 2 in
1807 The U.S. Congress passed an act to "prohibit the importation of
slaves into any port or place within the jurisdiction of the United
States... from any foreign kingdom, place, or country." 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ "A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in ... And how many want out." --- Tony Blair. The most overlooked advantage to owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against wacking them around a little. --- Joe Martin Bizarre Holidays In March March 1 is National Pig Day and Peanut Butter Lover's Day March 2 is Old Stuff Day March 3 is I Want You To Be Happy Day, Peach Blossom Day and National Anthem Day March 4 is Holy Experiment Day March 5 is Multiple Personalities Day March 6 is National Frozen Food Day March 7 is National Crown Roast Of Pork Day March 8 is Be Nasty Day March 9 is Panic Day March 10 is Festival Of Life In The Cracks Day March 11 is Johnny Appleseed Day and Worship of Tools Day March 12 is Alfred Hitchcock Day March 13 is Jewel Day March 14 is National potato Chip Day March 15 is Buzzard's Day and Everything You Think Is Wrong Day March 16 is Everything You Do Is Right Day March 17 is Submarine Day March 18 is Supreme Sacrifice Day March 19 is poultry Day March 20 is Proposal Day and Festival Of Extraterrestrial Abductions Day March 21 is Fragrance Day March 22 is National Goof-off Day March 23 is National Organize Your Home Office Day and National Chip and Dip Day March 24 is National Chocolate Covered Raisins Day March 25 is Pecan Day and Waffle Day March 26 is Make Up Your Own Holiday Day and Spinach Festival Day March 27 is National "Joe" Day March 28 is Something On A Stick Day March 29 is Festival Of Smoke and Mirrors Day March 30 is I Am In Control Day March 31 is Bunsen Burner Day and National Clams On The Half Shell Day ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A canibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant opened by a fellow canibal. Feeling hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu... Broiled Missionary: $10.00 Fried Explorer: $15.00 Baked Politician: $100.00. The canibal called the waiter over and asked, "Why such a price difference for the politician?" The cook replied: "Have you ever tried to clean one?" ______________________________________________________ The new manager walks into his office and, while settling into his new desk, finds 4 envelopes. On one he finds the words "open me first," and the other three are numbered 1 to 3. He opens the first envelope and finds a letter from his predecessor saying: "These three envelopes will save you a world of trouble. In case of emergency, please open these envelopes in sequential order; envelope one first, envelope two second, and envelope three third." The manager shrugs, puts the envelopes back, and forgets about them. Six months later, the workers go on strike. The company closes, and is losing money fast. After a long night negotiating with the union, he remembers the 3 envelopes. So he opens the first one and it says: "Blame me, your predecessor for everything". Wonderful idea he thinks, and indeed it works and the crisis comes to its end. His job is saved, and everybody's happy. A few years later, another strike hits. He goes to the drawer and opens the second envelope. It reads, "Blame the government for everything". It works like a charm, and he breathes a sigh of relief as his job is, once again, saved. A year later the workers declare another strike. The manager goes directly to the third envelope and it reads, "Prepare 4 new envelopes" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again." The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!" _____________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Father Luke W. Reese, 49, Indianapolis, Indiana Catholic priest accused of kidnapping, confinement and domestic battery of wife A Catholic priest in Indianapolis is being charged with kidnapping, criminal confinement, intimidation, and domestic battery after allegedly assaulting his wife on Sept. 24, 2017. According to a probable cause affidavit obtained Tuesday, Father Luke W. Reese, 49, assaulted the woman after he found out she was having an affair. In the court document, the victim claims she was in the backseat of a vehicle with the man when Reese arrived and told her to get out. In the document, the wife says Reese then drove them around the city as he hit her and blasted heavy metal music. The two then went to the Holy Rosary Catholic Church of Indianapolis, where the woman claims Reese made her kneel at the altar, said he could choke her, slammed her into a wall and hit her head against their vehicle before leaving, the affidavit says. Reese then reportedly drove his wife to Auburn to “make her tell her 90-something-year-old grandmother what she had done by talking to another man.” When the couple got home, the woman claims Reese ripped off her clothes, tore up her outfits “that he thought were slutty,” and forced her to have sex, according to court documents. Shortly after the alleged assault, the Holy Rosary Catholic Church released a statement in its bulletin announcing that Reese would take a leave of absence for a few months. “This past Monday, Father Reese notified me that he was experiencing some personal and family issues which would require a greater amount of his attention,” read the message to parishioners. Further down in the message, parishioners were asked to respect Reese and his family’s privacy. They were told that if they asked about the leave of absence, they would be told to “mind your own business.” _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Arnold Re: Open a command prompt in Explorer Dear Webby, You told us once how to get a command prompt in Explorer. I often need it just to have the location in a form, that I can copy, and sometimes too for making a file list, that I can copy and then paste into a sprepadsheet. I got a W7 machine now, and I think it is a bit different. Please tell me again! Arnold (The other one) Dear Arnold For a change they listened to our demands! When in the File Explorer, highlight the directory you want, then hold down the SHIFT key and RIGHT-click. You will see a selection to OPEN Command Window Here. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A Classic! A game warden noticed how a particular fellow named Sam consistently caught more fish than anyone else. Whereas the other guys would only catch three or four fish a day, Sam would come in from the lake with a boat full of fish. Stringer after stringer was packed with freshly caught trout. The warden, curious, asked Sam his secret. The successful fisherman invited the game warden to accompany him and observe. So the next morning, the two met at the dock and took off in Sam's boat. When they got to the middle of the lake, Sam stopped the boat, and the warden sat back to see how it was done. Sam's approach was simple: He took out a stick of dynamite, lit it, and threw it into the air. The explosion rocked the lake with such a force that dead fish immediately began to surface. Sam took out a net and started scooping them up. Well, you can imagine the reaction of the game warden. When he recovered from the shock of it all, he began yelling at Sam, "You can't do this! I'll put you in jail, buddy! You will be paying every fine there is in the book!" Sam, meanwhile, set his net down and took out another stick of dynamite. He lit it and tossed it in the lap of the game warden with these words: "Your turn!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Way dawn in the deep saoth, in an area known as the 'Baible Belt,' there lived a Baptist minister with a very large congregation. One morning, after a particularly moving sermon, he announced, "Friends I have been hearing very nasty rumors!" The crowd fell into an expectant silence. The Minister continued, "One of you, here among us, has been reporting that I am a member of the dreaded 'Klu Klux Klan.' This, of course, is not true! I am asking that the guilty party confess and apologize now - right here - before my flock of loyal followers." Sister Margaret quickly stood up and pleaded, "Preacher, please, I don't know how this all came to be. I just mentioned to one of my close friends that you were a wizard under the sheets." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing Tea Always store loose tea in a container with a tight fitting lid to preserve the quality of the herbs. Even if your tea bags are individually wrapped, it's good to store them in a sealed container as well. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ An elderly gentlemen went in for his annual physical exam. The doctor said, "You're in incredible shape. How old are you again?" The man replied, "I am 78." The doctor exclaimed, "Wow, 78. How do you stay so healthy? You look like a 60 year old." The man explained, "Well, my wife and I made a pact when we got married that whenever she got mad she would go into the kitchen and cool off and I would go outside to settle down." "What does that have to do with it?" asked the doctor. The man sighed, "I've pretty much lived an outdoor life."
Surreal oil paintings by Joel Rea.
Dear Webby... Your daily letter is like receiving good news from a dear friend. Thank you so much for bringing so much enjoyment to so many. Sincerely, Yong ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, March 2 in
1807 The U.S. Congress passed an act to "prohibit the importation of
slaves into any port or place within the jurisdiction of the United
States... from any foreign kingdom, place, or country." 

1836 Texas declared its independence from Mexico and an ad interim
government was formed. 

1866 Excelsior Needle Company began making sewing machine needles. 

1877 In the U.S., Rutherford B. Hayes was declared the winner of the
1876 presidential election by the U.S. Congress. Samuel J. Tilden,
however, had won the popular vote on November 7, 1876. 

1897 U.S. President Cleveland vetoed legislation that would have
required a literacy test for immigrants entering the country. 

1899 Mount Rainier National Park in Washington was established by the
U.S. Congress. 

1899 U.S. President McKinley signed a measure that created the rank of
Admiral for the U.S. Navy. The first admiral was George Dewey. 

1900 The U.S. Congress voted to give $2 million in aid to Puerto Rico.

1901 The first telegraph company in Hawaii opened. 

1901 The U.S. Congress passed the Platt amendment, which limited Cuban
autonomy as a condition for withdrawal of U.S. troops. 

1903 The Martha Washington Hotel opened for business in New York City.
The hotel had 416 rooms and was the first hotel exclusively for women.

1906 A tornado in Mississippi killed 33 and did $5 million in damage. 

1907 In Hamburg, Germany, dock workers went on strike after the end of
the night shift. British strike breakers were brought in. The issue
was settled on April 22, 1907. 

1908 In New York, the Committee of the Russian Republican
Administration was founded. 

1908 In Paris, Gabriel Lippmann introduced three-dimensional color
photography at the Academy of Sciences. 

1917 The Russian Revolution began with Czar Nicholas II abdicating. 

1917 Citizens of Puerto Rico were granted U.S. citizenship with the
enactment of the Jones Act. 

1925 State and federal highway officials developed a nationwide route-
numbering system and adopted the familiar U.S. shield-shaped, numbered

1929 The U.S. Court of Customs & Patent Appeals was created by the
U.S. Congress. 

1933 The motion picture King Kong had its world premiere in New York. 

1939 The Massachusetts legislature voted to ratify the Bill of Rights
to the U.S. Constitution. These first ten amendments had gone into
effect 147 years before. 

1946 Ho Chi Minh was elected President of Vietnam. 

1949 The B-50 Superfortress Lucky Lady II landed in Fort Worth, TX.
The American plane had completed the first non-stop around-the-world

1962 Wilt 'The Stilt' Chamberlain scored 100 points against the New
York Knicks 169-147. Chamberlain broke several NBA records in the

1969 In Toulouse, France, the supersonic transport Concorde made its
first test flight. 

1983 The U.S.S.R. performed an underground nuclear test. 

1984 The first McDonald's franchise was closed. A new location was
opened across the street from the old location in Des Plaines, IL. 

1985 The U.S. government approved a screening test for AIDS that
detected antibodies to the virus that allowed possibly contaminated
blood to be kept out of the blood supply. 

1986 Corazon Aquino was sworn into office as president of the
Philippines. Her first public declaration was to restore the civil
rights of the citizens of her country. 

1987 The U.S. government reported that the median price for a new home
had gone over $100,000 for the first time. 

1989 Representatives from the 12 European Community nations all agreed
to ban all production of CFCs (chlorofluorocarbons) by the end of the
20th century. 

1995 Russian anti-corruption journalist Vladislav Listyev was killed
by a gunman in Moscow. 

1995 Nick Leeson was arrested for his role in the collapse of
Britain's Barings Bank. 

1998 The U.N. Security Council endorsed U.N. chief Kofi Annan's deal
to open Iraq's presidential palaces to arms inspectors. 

1998 Images from the American spacecraft Galileo indicated that the
Jupiter moon Europa has a liquid ocean and a source of interior heat. 

2000 In Great Britain, Chile's former President Augusto Pinochet
Ugarte was freed from house arrest and allowed to return to Chile.
Britain's Home Secretary Jack Straw had concluded that Pinochet was
mentally and physically unable to stand trial. Belgium, France, Spain
and Switzerland had sought the former Chilean leader on human-rights

2003 Over the Sea of Japan, there was a confrontation between four
armed North Korean fighter jets and a U.S. RC-135S Cobra Ball. No
shots were fired in the encounter in international airspace about 150
miles off North Korea's coast. The U.S. Air Force announced that it
would resume reconnaissance flights on March 12. 

2004 NASA announced that the Mars rover Opportunity had discovered
evidence that water had existed on Mars in the past. 

2011 Steve Jobs unveiled Apple's iPad 2.

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Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, March 1

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Man arrested for raping, sexually assaulting 
7 women while posing as rideshare driver in LA
Today, March 1 in
1692 In Salem Village, in the Massachusetts Bay Colony, the 
Salem witch trials began. Four women were the first to be charged. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business. --- Dave Barry (1947 - ) The only thing I like about rich people is their money. --- Nancy Astor ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Paul for the minutes of a previous Democratic National Convention 7:00 P.M. Opening flag burning. 7:15 P.M. Pledge of allegiance to U.N. 7:30 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast 7:30 till 8:00 P.M. Nonreligious prayer and worship. Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton. 8:00 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast. 8:05 P.M. Ceremonial tree hugging. 8:15- 8:30 P.M. Gay Wedding -- Barney Frank Presiding. 8:30 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast. 8:35 P.M. Free Saddam Rally. Cindy Sheehan - Susan Sarandon. 9:00 P.M. Keynote speech. The proper etiquette for surrender--Jacques Chirac 9:15 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast. 9:20 P.M. Collection to benefit Osama Bin Laden kidney transplant fund 9:30 P.M. Unveiling of plan to free freedom fighters from Guantanamo Bay. Sean Penn 9:40 P.M. Why I hate the Military, A short talk by William Jefferson Clinton 9:45 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast 9:50 P.M. Dan Rather presents Truth in Broadcasting award, presented by Michael Moore 9:55 P.M., Ted Kennedy proposes a toast 10:00 P.M. How George Bush and Donald Rumsfeld brought down the World Trade Center Towers-- Howard Dean 10:30 P.M. Nomination of Hillary Rodham Clinton by Mahmud Ahnadinejad 11:00 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast 11:05 P.M. Al Gore reinvents Internet 11:15 P.M. Our Troops are War Criminals--John Kerry 11:30 P.M. Coronation Of Mrs. Hillary Rodham Clinton 12:00 A.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast 12:05 A.M. Bill asks Ted to drive Hillary home ______________________________________________________ A pastor was giving a lesson to a group of children on the 23rd Psalm. He noticed that one of the little boys seemed disquieted by the phrase "Surely, goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life..." "What's wrong with that, Johnny?" the pastor asked. "Well," answered Johnny, "I understand about having goodness and mercy, for God is good. But I'm not sure I'd like Shirley and Marcy following me around all the time. they are gossips!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ View from my office. Snow drifting off the mountains. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ "Hey Larry, going away on holiday again?" "Yes but I need to ask for something different" "Go ahead ask me" "You know last year you suggested Hawaii, and when I returned my wife was pregnant" "Yes but ..." "And the year before you suggested Bermuda, and when I returned my wife was pregnant" "Yes but.." "And the year before that when I went to Bali and when I returned my wife was pregnant" "Yes" "Well! Could you suggest something cheaper this year, so that I can bring her with me?" _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Nicolas Morales, 44, Santa Clarita, California Man arrested for raping, sexually assaulting 7 women while posing as rideshare driver in LA A Santa Clarita man was charged Tuesday with dozens of counts of rape, sexual assault and attempted kidnapping after officials said he posed as a ride-hailing driver for more than a year, picking up women in his car before attacking them — sometimes with a knife — in seven different incidents across L.A. County. Nicolas Morales, 44, was arrested Friday by Alhambra police. He appeared at the Alhambra branch of L.A. County Superior Court on Tuesday afternoon clad in a blue jumpsuit and glasses. After the private attorney his wife hired for his defense told the judge the firm was declining to represent him, Morales was appointed a public defender and placed back in custody under $10.3 million bail. He faces up to 300 years in state prison if convicted as charged, said district attorney’s office spokeswoman Sarah Ardalani in a written statement. The first attack prosecutors accused Morales of committing occurred in 2016, either late on Oct. 9 or early Oct. 10. They continued every few months until this year — the last attack Morales was charged for happened on New Year’s Eve. Sgt. Steven Carr, a spokesman for the Alhambra Police Department, said police arrested Morales in connection to that final attack on Dec. 30, 2017. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Rhonda Re: Desktop Themes Dear Webby, First let me say thanks for all the tips, jokes and of course those outrageously cool pics you send daily. Is there a site out there anywhere that you can download free desktop themes without installing a ton of garbage? I'm especially interested in movie and holiday themes. Thanks in advance for your help. Keep it coming! Rhonda Dear Rhonda ANY, absolutely ANY jpg or gif or bmp picture will work. Yes, even animated pictures! For example, look at: http://www.newportharbor.us/computerworks.htm That isn`t a picture I would use myself, but it shows that even a busy animated gif will work. Personally, I just use a plain blue background to contrast nicely behind my big mess of icons. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A feisty 70 year old woman had to call a furnace repairman. After a quick inspection the man put some oil into the motor and handed her a $70 bill for labor. "Labor charges!" she exclaimed. "It took you five minutes." The repairman explained that his company had a minimum one-hour charge on every house call. "Well, I want my remaining 55 minutes of labor," the lady responded, and she handed him a rake. The repairman spent the next 54 minutes in her yard bagging leaves. And one minute making sure that traveling charges were itemized separately, and that she would never ever get a house call again.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of wheat on the road. The farmer that lived nearby came to investigate. "Hey, Willis," he called out, "forget your troubles for a while and come and have dinner with us. Then I'll help you overturn the wagon." "That's very nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Dad would like me to." "Aw, come on, son!" the farmer insisted. "Well, OK," the boy finally agreed, "but Dad won't like it." After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked the host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Dad's going to be real upset." "Don't be silly!" said the neighbor. "By the way, where is he?" "Under the wagon," replied Willis. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Refurbishing Plastic Spatulas Over time, the edges of plastic spatulas get dull and rough. Sharpen the rough edge by sanding them with an emery board or scraping them with the edge of a sharp knife. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left." Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry, we can fly just fine on two engines." An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don't worry...we still have one engine left." Tricia turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"
Artist Recreates People from Grandparents Village as Life-Size Cardboard Sculptures
From Bill: My mom has a lead foot, so I was not surprised when a state trooper pulled us over as we were speeding through Georgia. Hoping to get off with a warning, Mom tried to appear shocked when the trooper walked up to the car. "I have never been stopped like this before," she said to the officer. "What do they usually do, ma'am," he asked, "shoot the tires out, with a jet fighter?" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, March 1 in
1498 Vasco de Gama landed at what is now Mozambique on his way to

1562 In Vassy, France, Catholics massacred over 1,000 Huguenots. The
event started the First French War of Religion. 

1692 In Salem Village, in the Massachusetts Bay Colony, the Salem
witch trials began. Four women were the first to be charged. 

1781 In America, the Continental Congress adopted the Articles of

1784 In Great Britain, E. Kidner opened the first cooking school. 

1790 The U.S. Congress authorized the first U.S. census. 

1810 Sweden became the first country to appoint an Ombudsman, Lars
August Mannerheim. 

1811 Egyptian ruler Mohammed Ali massacred the leaders of the Mameluke

1815 Napoleon returned to France from the island of Elba. He had been
forced to abdicate in April of 1814. 

1845 U.S. President Tyler signed the congressional resolution to annex
the Republic of Texas. 

1862 Prussia formally recognized the Kingdom of Italy. 

1872 The U.S. Congress authorized the creation of Yellowstone National
Park. It was the world's first national park. 

1873 E. Remington and Sons of Ilion, NY, began the manufacturing the
first practical typewriter. 

1896 The Battle of Adowa began in Ethiopia between the forces of
Emperor Menelik II and Italian troops. The Italians were defeated. 

1900 In South Africa, Ladysmith was relieved by British troops after
being under siege by the Boers for more than four months. 

1907 In Odessa, Russia, there were only about 15,000 Jews left due to

1907 In Spain, a royal decree abolished civil marriages. 

1907 In New York, the Salvation Army opened an anti-suicide bureau. 

1911 Industrialist Henry Frick acquired Velasquez's "Portrait of King
Philip IV." 

1912 Captain Albert Berry made the first parachute jump from a moving

1924 Disney released the first Alice Comedy entitled "Alice's Day at

1927 The Bank of Italy became a National Bank. 

1932 The 22-month-old son of Charles and Anne Lindbergh was kidnapped.
The child was found dead in May. 

1937 U.S. Steel raised workers’ wages to $5 a day. 

1937 In Connecticut, the first permanent automobile license plates
were issued. 

1941 FM Radio began in Nashville, TN, when station W47NV began

1941 Bulgaria joined the Axis powers by signing the Tripartite Pact. 

1947 The International Monetary Fund began operations. 

1947 Chinese Premier T.V. Soong resigned. 

1949 Joe Louis announced that he was retiring from boxing as world
heavyweight boxing champion. 

1950 Klaus Fuchs was convicted of giving U.S. atomic secrets to the
Soviet Union. 

1954 The United States announced that it had conducted a hydrogen bomb
test on the Bikini Atoll in the Pacific Ocean. 

1954 Five U.S. congressmen were wounded when four Puerto Rican
nationalists opened fire from the gallery of the U.S. House of

1959 Archbishop Makarios returned to Cyprus from exile. 

1961 The Peace Corps was established by U.S. President Kennedy. 

1962 Pakistan announced that it had a new constitution that set up a
presidential system of government. 

1966 The Soviet probe, Venera 3 crashed on the planet Venus. It was
the first unmanned spacecraft to land on the surface of another

1966 Ghana ordered all Soviet, East German and Chinese technicians to
leave the country. 

1971 A bomb exploded in a restroom in the Senate wing of the U.S.
Capitol. There were no injuries. A U.S. group protesting the Vietnam
War claimed responsibility. 

1974 Seven people were indicted in connection with the Watergate
break-in. The charge was conspiring to obstruct justice. 

1983 The New Jersey Transit strike began. It ended on April 2. 

1984 The U.S.S.R. performed a nuclear test at Eastern Kazakhstan,
Semipalatinsk, U.S.S.R. 

1987 The Boston Celtics defeated Detroit 112-102 to post their 2,235th
NBA win. 

1987 S&H Green Stamps became S&H Green Seals. The stamps were
introduced 90 years earlier. 

1988 Soviet troops were sent into Azerbaijan after ethnic riots
between Armenians and Azerbaijanis. 

1989 In Washington, DC, Mayor Barry and the City council imposed a
curfew on minors. 

1990 In Cairo, 16 people were killed in a fire at the Sheraton Hotel. 

1992 Bosnian Serb snipers fired upon civilians after a majority of the
Moslem and Croatian communities voted in favor of Bosnia's

1992 King Fahd of Saudi Arabia announced major political reforms that
ceded some powers after 10 years of disciplined rule. 

1992 Bosnian Muslims and Croats voted to secede from Yugoslavia. 

1993 The U.S. government announced that the number of food stamp
recipients had reached a record number of 26.6 million. 

1994 Israel released about 500 Arab prisoners in an effort to placate
Palestinians over the Hebron massacre. 

1995 The European Parliament rejected legislation that would have
allowed biotechnology companies to patent new life forms. 

1995 Yahoo! was incorporated. 

1996 In Kuala, Lumpur, construction was completed for the Petronas

1999 The Angolan Embassy in Lusaka, Zambia, exploded. Four other bombs
went off in the capital. 

1999 In Uganda, eight tourists were brutally murdered by Hutu rebels. 

1999 Bertrand Piccard and Brian Jones began their attempt to
circumnavigate the Earth in a hot air balloon non-stop. They succeeded
on March 20, 1999. 

2002 Operation Anaconda began in eastern Afghanistan. Allied forces
were fighting against Taliban and Al Quaida fighters. 

2003 In New York, a $250,000 Salvador Dali sketch was stolen from a
display case in the lobby at Rikers Island jail. On June 17, 2003, it
was announced that four corrections officers had surrendered and pled
innocent in connection to the theft. The mixed-media composition was a
sketch of the crucifixion. 

2003 In the U.S., approximately 180,000 personnel from 22 different
organizations around the government became part of the Department of
Homeland Security. This completed the largest government
reorganization since the beginning of the Cold War. 

2003 Khalid Shaikh Mohammed was captured by CIA and Pakistani agents
near Islamabad. He was the suspected mastermind behind the terrorist
attacks on the United States on September 11, 2001. 

2018  smiled.

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Proper online account 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, February 28

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Cop injured during traffic stop after 
hanging out of car for a mile
Today, February 28 in
1849 Regular steamboat service to California via Cape Horn arrived in
San Francisco for the first time. The SS California had left New York
Harbor on October 6, 1848. The trip took 4 months and 21 days. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ There is nothing worse than aggressive stupidity. --- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Manny was almost 29 years old. Most of his friends had already gotten married, and Manny just bounced from one relationship to the next. Finally a friend asked him, "What's the matter, are you looking for the perfect woman? Are you THAT particular? Can't you find anyone who suits you?" "No," Manny replied. "I meet a lot of nice girls, but as soon as I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them. So I keep on looking!" "Listen," his friend suggested, "Why don't you find a girl who's just like your dear ole Mother?" Many weeks past before Manny and his friend got together again. "So Manny. Did you find the perfect girl yet. One that's just like your Mother?" Manny shrugged his shoulders, "Yes I found one just like Mom. My mother loved her, they became great friends." "Excellent!!! So,.... Are you and this girl engaged, yet?" "Nah. My Father can't stand her!" ______________________________________________________ From Cookie It has been scientifically proven that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop! However, we do not run that risk when drinking wine (or scotch, bourbon, vodka, gin, beer or other liquors) because alcohol has to go through a distillation process of boiling, filtering, and fermenting. It is better to drink wine and talk shit ... than to drink water and be full of shit. There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I am doing it as a public service. Our politicians have survived on this policy for decades now, hell, maybe forever? Cookie _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Spot-bellied Eagle Owl _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing their contract's sick-leave provisions. One morning at the bargaining table, the company's chief negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper, "This man," he announced, "called in SICK yesterday!" There on the sports page, was a photo of the supposedly ill employee, who had just won a local golf tournament with an excellent score. The silence in the room was broken by a union negotiator. "Wow," he said. "Think of what kind of score he could have had if he hadn't been sick!" _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Taj Dickerson, Groton, Connecticut Cop injured during traffic stop after hanging out of car for a mile Police confirm one of their own was injured during a traffic stop overnight after a suspect took off with the officer halfway inside the car. The Deputy Chief of Groton police says that just before 4 a.m., Officer Tyler DeAngelo pulled over a car driven by Taj Dickerson. Officer DeAngelo smelled marijuana, and Dickerson admitted to having some on him. A back--up unit arrived, and Dickerson went along with the officer's request to step out of his car. Dickerson informed officers that he had a pit bull inside the car, and officers told him to take the dog out. A further search found crack cocaine, and officers made to arrest Dickerson. While they were putting the dog inside the cruiser, Dickerson ran back to his car. Officer DeAngelo chased after Dickerson, and a fight erupted inside the car. While Officer DeAngelo continued to struggle with Dickerson, Dickerson was able to put the car into drive and sped awa with DeAngelo partially hanging out. The car continued west on Fort Hill Road, and onto Poquonnock Road. DeAngelo tried getting Dickerson to stop as the car reached 50 mph. Officer DeAngleo remained halfway out of the car for around 1 mile. When it seemed that Dickerson was steering the car at a telephone pole, Office DeAngelo grabbed the steering wheel and steered them away. DeAngelo then let go of the car, and fell onto Poquonnock Road, sustaining some non-life threatening injuries. Other officers stopped and helped him while some others chased Dickerson onto I-95 south. Dickerson continued into New London, and with the help of the New London Police Department, was able to be stopped. Dickerson was finally taken into custody without any other issues. It was not reported whether Dickerson managed to toss dope or guns during the escape. He was held on a $500,000 bond, and taken to Superior Court for arraignment. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Lee Re: Possibly fake online account Dear Webby, "log into your online account" might be misunderstood by some not aware readers. These emails often have "links" to their account -- fake links. better to delete the email, then go to your normal browser/website. Lee Dear Lee Right. never go to your online account from a link. Always go from your own bookmark or typing the URL. Usually, once you start typing the name of your bank, the autocomplete will type the rest of it anyway. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
An American couple was driving in Canada and got lost. Finally, they drove into a city. They saw a gentleman on the sidewalk, so the husband pulled the car up to the curb. His wife rolled down her window and asked, "Excuse me, sir, we're lost. Can you please tell us where we are?" The gentleman on the street replied, "Saskatoon, Saskatchewan." The lady rolled up the window, turned to her husband and said, "We really are lost. They don't even speak English here."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A man follows a woman out of a movie theatre. She has a dog on a leash. He stops her and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I couldn't help but notice that your dog was really into the movie. He cried at the right spots, he moved nervously in his seat at the boring parts, but most of all, he laughed like crazy at the funny parts. Did you find that unusual??" "Yes," she replied, "I found it very unusual ...because he hated the book!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Softening Granulated Sugar By Maggie R. Microwave it for 1 minute. That should work. If not, place a piece of bread in the packaging & it'll take a day or so, but it'll loosen it right up. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Bob for this story: My wife and I were watching some TV show the other nite where the wife hired a private detective to follow her husband to see if he were in fact "cheating" on her. I asked my wife if she would ever do that. She said, "Well not so much to find out who the other woman was, but to see if I could find out what she saw in ya."
Street artist adds color to mundane objects around town.
"So," the woman asked the detective she had hired,"did you trail my husband?" "Yes ma'am. I did. I followed him to a bar, to an out-of-the-way restaurant and then to an apartment." A big smile crossed the womans face, "Aha!! Then I've got him!" she said, boasting. "Is there any doubt what he was doing?" "No ma'am." replied the sleuth, "It's pretty clear that he was following you, .... and taking pictures for his web site!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, February 28, in
1827 The Baltimore & Ohio Railroad became the first railroad
incorporated for commercial transportation of people and freight.

1844 Several people were killed aboard the USS Princeton when a 12-
inch gun exploded. 

1849 Regular steamboat service to California via Cape Horn arrived in
San Francisco for the first time. The SS California had left New York
Harbor on October 6, 1848. The trip took 4 months and 21 days. 

1885 AT&T (American Telephone and Telegraph) was incorporated. The
company was capitalized on only $100,000 and provided long distance
service for American Bell. 

1893 Edward G. Acheson showed his patent for Carborundum. 

1900 In South Africa, British troops relieved Ladysmith, which had
been under siege since November 2, 1899. 

1940 The first televised basketball game was shown. The game featured
Fordham University and the University of Pittsburgh from Madison
Square Gardens in New York. 

1951 A Senate committee issued a report that stated that there were at
least two major crime syndicates in the U.S. 

1953 In a Cambridge University laboratory, scientists James D. Watson
and Francis H.C. Crick discovered the double-helix structure of DNA. 

1954 In San Francisco "Birth of a Planet" was aired. It was the first
American phase-contrast cinemicrography film to be presented on

1956 A patent was issued to Forrester for a computer memory core. 

1962 The John Glenn for President club was formed by a group of Las
Vegas republicans. 

1974 The U.S. and Egypt re-established diplomatic relations after a
break of seven years. 

1979 Mr. Ed, the talking horse from the TV show "Mr. Ed", died. 

1983 "M*A*S*H" became the most watched television program in history
when the final episode aired. 

1986 Swedish Prime Minister Olof Palme was assassinated in Stockholm. 

1993 U.S. Federal agents raided the compound of an armed religious
cult in Waco, TX. The ATF had planned to arrest the leader of the
Branch Davidians, David Koresh, on federal firearms charges. Four
agents and six Davidians were killed and a 51-day standoff followed. 

1994 NATO made its first military strike when U.S. F-16 fighters shot
down four Bosnian Serb warplanes in violation of a no-fly zone over
central Bosnia. 

1995 The Denver International Airport opened after a 16-month delay. 

1998 Serbian police began a campaign to wipe out "terrorist gangs" in
the Yugoslav province of Kosovo. 

2001 The Northwest region of the U.S., including the state of
Washington, was hit by an earthquake that measured 6.9 on the Richter
Scale. There were no deaths reported. 

2002 In Ahmadabad, India, Hindus set fire to homes in a Muslim
neighborhood. At least 55 people were killed in the attack. 

2002 Sotheby's auction house announced that it had identified Peter
Paul Reubens as the creator of the painting "The Massacre of the
Innocents." The painting was previously thought to be by Jan van den

2007 NASA's New Horizons spacecraft made a gravitational slingshot
against Jupiter to change the planned trajectory towards Pluto. 

2013 Benedict XVI resigned as pope. He was the first pope to resign
since Gregory XII in 1415 and the first to resign voluntarily since
Celestine V in 1294. 

2018  smiled.

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Is it scam or spam? 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, February 27

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Rich widow pleads for drunk-drive ban to be 
lifted because her driveway is ‘too long’
Today, February 27 in
1861 In Warsaw, Russian troops fired on a crowd protesting Russian
rule over Poland. Five protesting marchers were killed in the
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired. --- Jules Renard It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up, because by that time I was too famous. --- Robert Benchley ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ After the birth of their child, an Episcopal priest, wearing his clerical collar, visited his wife in the hospital. He greeted her with a hug and a kiss, and gave her another hug and kiss when he left. Later, the wife's roommate commented: "Your pastor is sure friendlier than mine." ______________________________________________________ I was in the backyard hanging the laundry when an old, tired looking dog wandered into the yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home. But when I walked into the house, he followed me, sauntered down the hall and fell asleep in a corner. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back. He resumed his position in the hallway and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: "Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap." The next day the dog arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: "He lives in a home with 10 children - he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Wish it was that easy for me!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Mauritius _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Two guys are walking down the street and one is telling the other how he hates Slobovians, but when they turn the corner there is a Slobovian organ grinder with a little monkey holding a tin cup. The guy who hates Slobovians puts some coins in the monkey's cup. When they walk away his friend says, "I thought you hated Slobovians yet you gave him money?" He answers, "Yes, but they are so cute when they are little." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Barbara Woodward, 56, Chelford, Cheshire, England Rich widow pleads for drunk-drive ban to be lifted as her driveway is ‘too long’ Whining Barbara Woodward also asked to be spared doing unpaid work claiming it would 'put her in an alien surrounding', since she has never worked in her life. There was laughter in court when Barbara Woodward’s lawyer insisted she would struggle to walk just a quarter of a mile from her mansion to the main road. Woodward also asked to be spared doing unpaid work claiming it would “put her in an alien surrounding’’ as she never worked in her life and warned it would “make her feel uncomfortable and out of her depth.’’ JPs found her guilty of drunk-driving and banned her for two years but spared her the customarily assessed unpaid community work, since it would be undue hardship for others to have to put up with her whining. Her huge mansion appears to have annexes for servants, gardeners, drivers, etc. Having a servant drive her to tennis and shopping does not appear to be a problem. Woodward, of Chelford, Cheshire, was three times over the limit in her £79,000 ($110,858.68 USD)Mercedes G-class 4x4 two days after her lawyer husband’s funeral. Staff at a petrol station called police after she slurred her words and stumbled when buying sparkling wine at 9am. Woodward, who had denied drink-driving, was also ordered to complete a 12-month community order, fined £560 ($785.87 USD) and must pay £705 ($989.32 USD) in costs and surcharges. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Sue Re: Is it spam or scam? Dear Webby, I have rcvd e-mail from a credit card company----may or may not be valid----would like to forward to you for your opinion....i would prefer to forward WITH PERMISSION. Am not concerned so much with critters imbedded or or or....am more concerned 1)that it is bogus and 2)someone ELSE might fall into the trap----you have a tremendous following and could potentially help a buncha dolts and not just me........and no-----I am not just pandering to your ego----you are highly rated for a good reason. Thanks in advance Sue Dear Sue When in doubt, trash it. There is always more spam and scam coming. If you forward it to me, most likely my MailWasher will recognize it as a scam and trash it, unseen. With anything credit card related: If it tells you to stop by your local bank, or log into your online account, then it's legit. If it asks for ANY input whatsoever, then it's a bunch of Pelosi. Feel free to enter the name and info of your favorite politician, but never anything related to you, especially not bank account or PIN numbers. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A man is at Grand Central Station waiting for his train that leaves at 6 p.m., but he has forgotten his watch. So he looks for someone to ask the time. He spots a guy carrying two suitcases and sporting this fabulous hi-tech watch, so he asks him for the time. The guy replies "Sure, which country?" The fella asks, "How many countries have you got?" to which the man replies, "All the countries in the world!" "Wow! That's a pretty cool watch you've got there." "That's nothing," the man says. "This watch also has a GPS facility, fax, e-mail and can even receive NTSC television channels and display them on its miniature active color pixel LCD screen!" "Boy, that's incredible. I wish I had a watch like that one. You wouldn't consider selling it by any chance?" "Well, actually the novelty has worn off for me, so for $900, if you want it, it's yours." The watchless traveler can hardly whip out his checkbook fast enough to hand over a check for $900. The seller takes off the watch and gives it to him. "Congratulations, here is you new hi-tech watch." Then, handing the two suitcases over as well, he says, "And here are the batteries."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Taxiing down the tarmac, the Delta jet abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," she explained. "Oh, and it took a while to fix it," said the passenger. "Not exactly." replied the stewardess, "It just took us a bit to find a deaf pilot." ---------------------- I had a ticket to fly to Nashville, Tennessee on Sept 12, 2001 Well, because of some Mooselims using jets to murder over 3000 people, nobody was allowed to fly anywhere on Sept 12. On Sept 13, Canada opened up the airports again and I got booked on a similar flight. I got onto the plane, a different seat than expected, but I got on. And sat for about 2 hours waiting for the take-off. They make you keep the seats upright, in the most uncomfortable position, while waiting on the tarmack. The pilot had gotten cold feet and had chickened out. They had to find a different pilot, who was not such a coward. Naturally, by the time I got to Toronto, the plane to Tennessee had left. I asked Karma to retaliate and hoped the air line fired the chicken! I had to overnight in Toronto and send the Humor Letter out the hard way. The next morning I found out that my Carry-On, with the laptop inside, was not allowed on board. Then I almost had a heart attack watching some big bozo slam my carry-on UPSIDE DOWN onto the hard roller at the bottom of the conveyor up to the cargo hatch of the plane, and even turn and grin. He was proud of himself! I was standing at the entrance of the plane and I guess I must have shrieked or cussed. Thhe stewardess standing there slowing down the line into the plane, explained to me that putting the luggage on upside down was the rule, so that it would not roll off the conveyor belt. That was no excuse though for slamming it onto the hard bottom roller, and I did not enjoy the flight at all. Everybody else on the plane was worried about Mooselims trying to take over the jet. I was fretting about my laptop and was more than ready to inflict very gross violence on anybody trying to annoy me just one hair more. They let me off the plane first because I bulldozed past the people, who were getting their stuff from the overhead bins. My carry-on came onto the carousel shortly after I got there. I opened it up right there, opened the laptop and hit the button. It came up just fine. Phew!!! Thank you Lord! So I zipped up the carry-on and strode out of the totally empty airport. No other planes had arrived yet or were scheduled to leave, and nobody from the jet I arrived in, had walked as fast as I did. The empty and totally silent airport echoed and amplified my steps like it was a horror movie. Spooky! Once I was out, had gotten my pre-ordered rental car, and was on the freeway South I finally relaxed. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Plastic Cutting Boards for Meat When cutting meat, use a plastic cutting board instead of a wood one. It is much easier to clean bacteria from a plastic cutting board than it is from wood, which will also need to be reseasoned after cleaning. After using a cutting board for meat, wash it well (or wash it in the dishwasher) before using it again to avoid transfering bacteria to other food items. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com When your plastic cutting board gets too marked up from sharp knifes, you can scrape it with a long straight butcher knife or a wide putty knife or spatula that has been square trimmed for scraping. To square trim a putty knife, clamp a file into a vise or a partially opend drawer, and rub the putty knife at a right angle to the file against the serrations. Instead of a thin knife type edge, you will get a flat edge with very sharp corners. A square trimmed putty knife also works very well for scraping glue or paint off a desk or for preparing furniture for painting. You can trim a fuzzy cutting board to smooth as new very quickly with a square trimmed putty knife. Hold it at nearly right angle to the board and PULL it towards you. Never push it, just scrape towards you. If there are deep cuts, rotate the board after a few scrapes so that you are scraping in a different direction. That helps to avoid low spots. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________ A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, "Jeff proposed to me an hour ago." "Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked. "Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a hell." Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is."
Artful stone work.
Three preachers sat discussing the best positions for prayer while a telephone repairman worked nearby. "Kneeling is definitely best," claimed one. "No," another contended. "I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven." "You're both wrong," the third insisted. "The most effective prayer position is lying prostrate, face down on the floor." The repairman could contain himself no longer. "Hey, fellas, " he interrupted, "the best prayin' I ever did was hangin' by my climbing spurs upside down from a telephone pole in a thunderstorm." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, February 27, in
1700 The Pacific Island of New Britain was discovered. 

1801 The city of Washington, DC, was placed under congressional

1827 New Orleans held its first Mardi Gras celebration. 

1861 In Warsaw, Russian troops fired on a crowd protesting Russian
rule over Poland. Five protesting marchers were killed in the

1867 Dr. William G. Bonwill invented the dental mallet. 

1883 Oscar Hammerstein patented the first cigar-rolling machine. 

1896 The "Charlotte Observer" published a picture of an X-ray
photograph made by Dr. H.L. Smith. The photograph showed a perfect
picture of all the bones of a hand and a bullet that Smith had placed
between the third and fourth fingers in the palm. 

1900 In South Africa, the British received an unconditional surrender
from Boer Gen. Piet Cronje at Paardeberg. 

1922 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the 19th Amendment that guaranteed
women the right to vote. 

1933 The Reichstag, Germany's parliament building in Berlin, was set
afire. The Nazis accused Communists for the fire. 

1939 The U.S. Supreme Court outlawed sit-down strikes. 

1949 Chaim Weizmann became the first Israeli president. 

1951 The 22nd Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was ratified,
limiting U.S. Presidents to two terms. 

1972 The Shanghai Communique was issued by U.S. President Nixon and
Chinese Premier Chou En-lai. 

1973 The American Indian Movement occupied Wouned Knee in South

1974 "People" magazine was first issued by Time-Life (later known as

1981 Chrysler Corporation was granted an additional $400 million in
federal loan guarantees. Chrysler had posted a loss of $1.7 billion in

1982 Wayne B. Williams was convicted of murdering two of the 28 black
children and young adults whose bodies were found in Atlanta, GA, over
a two-year period. 

1986 The U.S. Senate approved the telecast of its debates on a trial

1990 The Exxon Corporation and Exxon Shipping were indicted on five
criminal counts in reference to the 1989 Exxon Valdez oil spill. 

1991 U.S. President George H.W. Bush announced live on television that
"Kuwait is liberated." 

1997 In Ireland, divorce became legal. 

1998 Britain's House of Lords agreed to give a monarch's first-born
daughter the same claim to the throne as any first-born son. This was
the end to 1,000 years of male preference. 

1999 Colin Prescot and Andy Elson set a new hot air balloon endurance
record when they had been aloft for 233 hours and 55 minutes. The two
were in the process of trying to circumnavigate the Earth. 

1999 Nigeria returned to civilian rule when Gen. Olusegun Obasanjo
became the country's first elected president since August of 1983. 

2002 In Boston, twenty people working at Logan International Airport
were charged with lying to get their jobs or security badges. 

2018  smiled.

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How to weed out 15 GB of Gmail 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, February 26

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Georgia woman torches ex-husband's home 
and 19 others.Bonehead
Today, February 26 in
1815 Napoleon Bonaparte escaped from the Island of Elba. 
He then began his second conquest of France. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Setting a good example for children takes all the fun out of middle age. --- William Feather You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can not fool all of the people all of the time. --- Abraham Lincoln (1809 - 1865) Broom Hilda tried anyway. ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ I couldn’t help but overhear two guys in their mid-twenties while sitting at a bar. One of the guys says, "Man you look tired." His buddy says, "Dude I'm exhausted. My girlfriend and I have sex all the time. I just don't know what to do." A fellow about my age, sitting a couple of stools down had also over- heard the conversation. He looked over at the two young men and with the wisdom of years says, "Marry her. That'll put a stop to that!" ______________________________________________________ Here is one I remember reading when I started learning English around 1960. The Master of the house is comfortably installed in an armchair in the library, reading a newspaper. Suddenly, James, his butler, rips the door open and shouts, "Sir, the Thames is flooding the streets!" The Master looks up calmly from the newspaper and says, "James, please. I have already told you. If you do have something important to tell me, first knock on the door, then enter and inform me of the issue, in a quiet and civilized manner. Now please, do so." James apologizes and closes the door behind him. Three seconds later, the Master hears a knock on the door. "Yes?" James partially enters the room, and with a wide gesture, makes an invitation as for somebody on the outside to enter, then says, "Sir, the Thames." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Looking For Al Gore _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ When the type on a man's printer begins to grow faint, he calls a local repair shop where a friendly man informs him that the printer probably only needs to be cleaned. "We charge $50 to clean a printer," he says, "so you might be better off reading the manual and doing the job yourself." Surprised by the clerk's candor, the man asks, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?" "Actually, it's my boss's idea," the clerk replies sheepishly. "We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Adrienne Satterly, 41, Hiram, Georgia Georgia woman torches ex-husband's home and 19 others. Adrienne Satterly, 41, allegedly piled matresses on the floor of his home in Atlanta, Ga, before setting them alight. But the blaze, which she set while it was dark in the early hours of Sunday, spread to neighboring homes, forcing residents to flee. Satterly then walked to a Walmart an hour away and called 911 around 3.25am to come pick her up. She did not mention the fire. In 911 audio obtained on Tuesday by The Constitution, Satterly never mentioned a fire. She told a dispatcher she had a 'kitty cat and a suitcase' and asked if someone could pick her up from Walmart. 'Where do you need them to go?' the dispatcher asked. 'To Greystone,' Satterly said. 'By the hospital.' She gave her address to the Rosemont Court home but told the dispatcher that she had been ordered to leave the residence due to a court case. Documents revealed police had been called to the home nearly two dozen times in the past year for calls including domestic disputes, thefts and disagreements with tenants who were renting a room. The report had no details about why court had ordered her to leave her ex-husband's home, but it seems her alcohol problems and refusal to contribute to the rent were some of the issues. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Erin Re: Weed out Gmail Dear Webby, In 2005 you told me that Gmail had near unlimited storage. Well, I forgot that "near" is not the same as absolulte, and I got a warning, that I was getting close to my limit. I am, for a change, not blaming you. Dumping SPAM and TRASH gave me enough space to stop panicking. Now, how do I get rid of the oldest mails? I never look up anything over a year old anyway. Thanks Erin Dear Erin Go into the settings in the sprocket icon, and change the mails per page to 100. Then click the < > on top to show Oldest On Top Set up convenient HotKeys for Select all (on the page) and Delete ALL (selected) I use ~ and ! for those. While in the INBOX, with Oldest on top, I hit ~! and the 100 oldest are gone. Great finger exercise while you are waiting for something to load. If you want to get really rambunctious, and automate it, make a filter. Step 1 Log in to your Gmail account. Click the gear icon near the top-right corner of the window, then click "Settings" from the drop-down menu that appears. Step 2 Click the "Filters" section tab, then click "Create a new filter." Step 3 Type the following in the the "Has the words" text box: older_than:x For "x" you should type the time frame you prefer for deleting old messages. You can use "d" for days, "w" for weeks, "m" for months and "y" for years. For example, if you wanted to delete messages older than one month, you would type "older_than:1m" without the quotation marks. For deleting messages older than 9 months, type "older_than:9m". Step 4 Click "Create filter with this search." Step 5 Check the box beside the option labeled "Delete it" and the box beside "Also apply filter to." The latter option will also list the total number of conversations that fit your criteria. That might take a while. Step 6 Click "Create filter." All your emails older than the date you specified will be deleted. Future Deletion Step 1 Click the gear icon in Gmail; then click "Settings." Step 2 Click the "Filters" tab. Step 3 Click the "Edit" option beside the filter you created for deleting old messages. You can easily find the correct filter because it will display the criteria you specified. Step 4 Click "Continue" in the section that appears with your search criteria. This screen looks like the section that appeared when you originally set up the filter. Step 5 Check the box beside the option "Also apply filter to." Step 6 Click "Update filter." This will again delete all your messages earlier than the time frame you specified. When Gmail deletes your messages, they are sent to the "Trash" section, which is listed in the left-hand navigation section. They will remain in Trash for 30 days until they are permanently deleted. You delete all items in the trash if you prefer by click the "Trash" section and then clicking "Empty Trash now." UNTIL you dump the Gmail TRASH, all that stuff still counts against your allotment. Dumping the trash should be the last and final part of the cleanup. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
With no warning and clear out of the blue, a husband said to his wife, "Honey, I have invited a friend home for supper tonight." His wife replied, "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't have time to go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal tonight!" The husband said, "Yes, same as usual. I know all that." "Then why in the world did you invite your friend for supper tonight?" asked the wife. The guy answered, "Because the poor fool is thinking about getting married."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Thanks to Walter the stonecarver from http://stonecarver.com for this report: The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even" A Bit Cross." Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666. Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability. It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides." The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose." Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Protecting Plants From Slugs Cut old metal window screens into 1x1 squares. Then cut a hole in the center of the square and put it on the ground around the plant. Slugs don't like to slither across window screens. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ GROAN ALERT! One day in the forest, three animals were discussing who among them was the most powerful. "I am," said the hawk, "because I can fly and swoop down swiftly at my prey." "That's nothing," said the mountain lion, "I am not only fleet, but I have powerful teeth and claws." "I am the most powerful," said the skunk, "because with a flick of my tail, I can drive off the two of you." Just then a huge grizzly bear lumbered out of the forest and settled the debate by eating them all. . . . hawk, lion, and stinker.
First Known Video Footage of Rare Snow White Giraffe Captured in Kenya
Latest news reports advise that a cell of 4 terrorists has been operating in Merseyside, Liverpool. Police advised earlier today that 3 of the 4 have been detained. The Merseyside Regional Police Commissioner stated that the terrorists Bin Sleepin, Bin Drinkin and Bin Fightin have been arrested on immigration issues. The Police advise further that they can find no one fitting the description of the fourth cell member, Bin Workin, in the area. Police are confident that anyone who looks like Workin will be very easy to spot in their community. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, February 26, in
1815 Napoleon Bonaparte escaped from the Island of Elba. He then began
his second conquest of France. 

1848 The second French Republic was proclaimed. 

1863 U.S. President Lincoln signed the National Currency Act. 

1870 In New York City, the first pneumatic-powered subway line was
opened to the public. (Beach Pneumatic Transit) 

1881 S.S. Ceylon began his world-wide cruise, beginning in Liverpool,

1907 The U.S. Congress raised their own pay to $7500. 

1916 Mutual signed Charlie Chaplin to a film contract. 

1919 In Arizona, the Grand Canyon was established as a National Park
with an act of the U.S. Congress. 

1929 U.S. President Coolidge signed a bill creating the Grand Teton
National Park. 

1930 New York City installed traffic lights. 

1933 A ground-breaking ceremony was held at Crissy Field for the
Golden Gate Bridge. 

1945 In the U.S., a nationwide midnight curfew went into effect. 

1952 British Prime Minister Winston Churchill announced that Britain
had developed an atomic bomb. 

1979 "Flatbush" debuted on CBS-TV. 

1986 Corazon Aquino was inaugurated president of the Philippines. Long
time President Ferdinand Marcos went into exile. 

1987 The Tower Commission rebuked U.S. President Reagan for failing to
control his national security staff in the wake of the Iran-Contra

1987 The U.S.S.R. conducted its first nuclear weapons test after a 19-
month moratorium period. 

1991 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein announced on Baghdad Radio that
Iraqi troops were being withdrawn from Kuwait. 

1993 Six people were killed and more than a thousand injured when a
van exploded in the parking garage beneath the World Trade Center in
New York City. The bomb had been built by Islamic extremists. 

1995 Barings PLC collapsed after a securities dealer lost more than
$1.4 billion by gambling on Tokyo stock prices. The company was
Britain's oldest investment banking firm. 

1998 A Texas jury rejected an $11 million lawsuit by Texas cattlemen
who blamed Oprah Winfrey for price drop after on-air comment about
mad-cow disease. 

1998 In Oregon, a health panel ruled that taxpayers must help to pay
for doctor-assisted suicides. 

2001 A U.N. tribunal convicted Bosnian Croat political leader Dario
Kordic and military commander Mario Cerkez of war crimes. They had
ordered the systematic murder and persecution of Muslim civilians
during the Bosnian war. 

2002 In Rome, Italy, a bomb exploded near the Interior Ministry. No
injuries were reported. 

2009 Former Serbian president Milan Milutinovic was acquitted by the
International Criminal Tribunal for the former Yugoslavia regarding
war crimes during the Kosovo War. 

2009 The Pentagon reveresed its 18-year policy of not allowing media
to cover returning war dead. The reversal allowsd some media coverage
with family approval.

2018  smiled.

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What is a Mail Washer? 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, February 25

Callisburg Independent School District in Texas has a serious message
for any potential shooters, and it appears to be working.

The idea of armed educators is nothing new. CNN reported that about
four years ago, the “guardian” program was implemented. The program
allowed a small force of volunteer school staff to carry concealed
firearms on school grounds.

The educators complete active shooter scenario training once a year
and also practice at gun ranges.

Callisburg High School is not alone. KSAT reported that the Texas
Association of School Boards said it was aware of 172 districts that
allow staff to carry firearms.

While the debate about whether educators should be armed rages on,
these schools have already taken the necessary steps to protect
children years ago. Just the signs are new.

Other schools across the nation also have armed educators.

Good for them!

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Man ‘holding a large stick’ robs NC bank, 
is arrested 5 minutes later
Today, February 25 in
1836 Samuel Colt received U.S. Patent No. 138 (later 9430X) for a
"revolving-cylinder pistol." It was his first patent. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Procrastination isn't the problem, it's the solution. So procrastinate now, don't put it off. --- Ellen DeGeneres Household tasks are easier and quicker when they are done by somebody else. --- James Thorpe (1888 - 1953) Drugs have taught an entire generation of Americans the metric system. --- P. J. O'Rourke (1947 - ) There are more fools in the world than there are people. --- Heinrich Heine ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ An elderly man in Miami calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing. Forty-five years of misery is enough." "Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams. "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up. Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone, "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls her father immediately and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced! Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up. The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "They're coming for Passover and paying their own airfares." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this story: Two Swedes from Wisconsin are sittin' in a boat on Dead Lake , fishing and suckin' down beer, when all of a sudden Sven says, "I tink I'm going to divorce my wife. She hasn't spoken to me in over six mont." Ole sips his beer and says, "You better tink it over. Women like tat are hard to find." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Grand Canyon _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ I figured that at age seven it was inevitable for my son to begin having doubts about Santa Claus. Sure enough, one day he said, "Mom, I know something about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy." Taking a deep breath, I asked him, "What is that?" He replied, "They're all nocturnal." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kendrick Hart, Reidsville, North Carolina Man ‘holding a large stick’ robs NC bank, is arrested 5 minutes later A man was arrested in Reidsville after allegedly robbing a bank Tuesday afternoon, according to a news release from Reidsville police. Kendrick Hart, 29, of Reidsville, is charged with armed robbery. The robbery happened at the American Partners Federal Credit Union, located at 618 N. Scales St., around 4 p.m. “The suspect walked into the bank holding a large stick, yelled, ‘This is a robbery,’ then jumped over the counter and proceeded to steal an unknown amount of money,” Reidsville police said in the release. About five minutes after the robbery, Hart was stopped in the parking lot of Rob and Ray’s Grocery by a sheriff’s deputy, the release said. Hart was taken into custody after surveillance footage from the credit union connected him to the robbery. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Kathy Re: mail washer Dear Webby, What is mail washer? One of the comments made inthis column refered to it. Signed - The ignorantly uninformed.... aka Kathy Dear Kathy If you look at the right side menu, you see a button for MailWasher. It is the best and most effective spam control. That is why I give it space there, and have for about 20 years. It is a program to eliminate spam. As you saw in the tech support pits column, it's tough enough to work even for big corporations that get tons of mail. If you get enough spam, so that it is a nuisance, get the free trial and try it out! MailWasher washes your mail on the server, and does not waste your time and your allotment with downloading crap. It works great as is, but the real power is in the easy to make filters. It gets to be a real game outsmarting the spammers. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
The family had finally gotten their first dishwasher. The father liked to inspect every new thing that cam into the house, so he stayed in the kitchen and watched the display count down all forty-four minutes of the dishwashing cycle. Suddenly he called out for his wife, shouting, "It's useless, the dishwasher is useless!" The wife was amazed that the newest appliance could be broken after only one use, but he insisted that because they had a water softener, the dishwasher was useless. She decided to look for herself, and there it was, on the inside door, next to the detergent dispenser: USE LESS WITH SOFT WATER
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
When Sam returned to the house one evening, his wife Sarah announced that the new cleaning woman they had hired had stolen two towels. "Yeah," said Sam very disinterested, and reclining on the sofa, "that wasn't very nice of her to do." "It certainly wasn't," Sarah said. "And they were the best towels we had... the fluffy ones we got from the Hilton Hotel while we were on vacation." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Salt Stains on Leather If you get salt stains on your leather shoes or boots in the wintertime, mix one tablespoon of white vinegar in one cup of water. Dip a clean soft rag in the liquid, the wipe the salt stains. Allow to dry and your shoes should be good as new! By Becki in Indiana Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ An explorer was leading an entourage through the Amazon jungle when they heard the sounds of drums. At the next village, the leader stopped a native and asked him to explain their meaning. "Bad, real bad when drums stop!" he said before running off. The drum beating continued to pulsate. The safari leader asked another native about it. "Bad, real bad when drums stop!" he said. A few minutes later the drums did stop, and all the expedition members became panicked. The leader grabbed another villager and demanded to know the situation. "Bad, real bad that drums stop," he blurted. "Now comes violin solo!"
The self made millionaire teenage ad girl who wrote the book on jazz age etiquette.
Grampa was telling his youngest grandson about his terrifying experience with cannibals. "There I was, lost in the middle of the jungle, surrounded by twenty hungry cannibals." His grandson said, "But last time you told me, there were only ten hungry cannibals." And Grampa said, "Ah, but you were too young then, to know the whole horrible truth!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, February 25, in
1570 England's Queen Elizabeth I was excommunicated by Pope Pius V. 

1751 Edward Willet displayed the first trained monkey act in the U.S. 

1836 Samuel Colt received U.S. Patent No. 138 (later 9430X) for a
"revolving-cylinder pistol." It was his first patent. 

1837 Thomas Davenport patented the first commercial electrical motor.
There was no practical electical distribution system available and
Davenport went bankrupt. 

1901 The United States Steel Corp. was incorporated by J.P. Morgan. 

1913 The 16th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was ratified. It
authorized a Marxist style graduated income tax, taxing more days per
week from harder workers than from lower wage earners.

1919 The state of Oregon became the first state to place a tax on
gasoline. The tax was 1 cent per gallon. 

1928 The Federal Radio Commission issued the first U.S. television
license to Charles Jenkins Laboratories in Washington, DC. 

1930 The bank check photographing device was patented. 

1933 The aircraft carrier Ranger was launched. It was the first ship
in the U.S. Navy to be designed and built from the keel up as an
aircraft carrier. 

1940 The New York Rangers and the Montreal Canadiens played in the
first hockey game to be televised in the U.S. The game was aired on
W2WBS in New York with one camera in a fixed position. The Rangers
beat the Canadiens 6-2. 

1948 Communists seized power in Czechoslovakia. 

1956 Soviet leader Nikita Khrushchev criticized the late Josef Stalin
in a speech before a Communist Party congress in Moscow. 

1972 Germany gave a $5 million ransom to Arab terrorists who had
hijacked a jumbo jet. 

1986 Filippino President Ferdinand E. Marcos fled the Philippines
after 20 years of rule after a tainted election. 

1999 William King was sentenced to death for the racial murder of
James Byrd Jr in Jasper, TX. Two other men charged were later
convicted for their involvement. 

1999 In Moscow, China's Prime Minister Zhu Rongji and Russia's
President Boris Yeltsin discussed trade and other issues. 

2000 In Albany, NY, a jury acquitted four New York City police
officers of second-degree murder and lesser charges in the February
1999 shooting death of Amadou Diallo. 

2005 Dennis Rader was arrested for the BTK serial killings in Wichita,
KS. He later pleaded guilty and was sentenced to 10 life prison terms.

2018  smiled.

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Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, February 24

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Connecticut woman brought heroin to 
boyfriend in hospital, who OD'd

Today, February 24 in
1839 Mr. William S. Otis received a patent for the steam shovel.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale. --- Arthur C. Clarke (1917 - ) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this story: A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain; and, as it was still early, decided to go to the party after all. In as much as her husband didn't know what costume she'd be wearing, she thought she'd have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she wasn't around. She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every chick he could, getting a little kiss here and a warm squeeze there. His wife went up to him, and being rather seductive herself, he left his current partner high and dry and devoted his time to this new babe who had just arrived. She let him do whatever he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and they did it all! Zowie! Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would have for his behavior. She was sitting up reading when he came in. She asked how the evening had been? He said "Oh, the same old thing. You know, I never have a good time when you're not there." Then she asked, "Did you dance much?" He replied, "You know, I didn't dance even one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But I'll tell you...from what I heard, the guy I loaned my costume to sure had a real good time!" ______________________________________________________ >From Wendy Have you heard the one about the Marine and the Air Force man, sitting over drinks in a bar one night bragging about the women they had made love to? The Marine bet the Air Force man that he could have sex more times in one night then the Air Force men could. The AF man was married, so he took that bet.. figuring his wife would go along with it. He went home and dragged the chalk board from the children's bedroom into their bedroom... and every time he and his wife made love he put a mark on the board. The sun was just coming up as the AF man dragged himself to the edge of the bed to put a third line on that chalkboard, at which time the Marine walked in and took a look at the chalkboard and said, "A hundred and eleven? Crap you beat me by one!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Listened to Al Gore and forgot to migrate _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Thanks to Connie for this advice: Ski season will be here soon! Hence, the following list of exercises to get you prepared: 16. Visit your local butcher and pay $30 to sit in the walk- in freezer for a half an hour. Afterwards, burn two $50 dollar bills to warm up. 15. Soak your gloves and store them in the freezer after every use. 14. Fasten a small, wide rubber band around the top half of your head before you go to bed each night. 13. If you wear glasses, begin wearing them with glue smeared on the lenses. 12. Throw away a hundred dollar bill-now. 11. Find the nearest ice rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your ski boots, carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles. Pretend you are looking for your car. Sporadically drop things. 10. Place a small but angular pebble in your shoes, line them with crushed ice, and then tighten a C-clamp around your toes. 9. Buy a new pair of gloves and immediately throw one away. 8. Secure one of your ankles to a fire hydrant and ask a friend to run into you at high speed. With a bike. 7. Go to McDonald's and insist on paying $8.50 for a hamburger. Be sure you are in the longest line. 6. Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket and ride a motorcycle fast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face. 5. Drive slowly for five hours - anywhere - as long as it's in a snowstorm and you're following an 18-wheeler. 4. Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray blast your face. Leave the ice on your face until it melts. Let it drip into your clothes. 3. Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed to take them off because you have to go to the bathroom. 2. Slam your thumb in a car door. Don't go see a doctor. 1. Repeat all of the above every Saturday and Sunday until it's time for the real thing! ---------- Awww, it's not that bad. Keep in mind that your adoring fans will laugh their butts off when they watch you doing all that! _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Angelica Cierniewski, 22, New Britain, Connecticut Connecticut woman brought heroin to boyfriend in hospital, who OD'd Police said a 22-year-old New Britain woman was arrested for bringing her boyfriend heroin while he was a patient at St. Francis Hospital. Hartford police said they responded to the hospital on a report of a heroin overdose in the emergency room. Police said the patient injected himself with the narcotics and overdosed. “Hospital staff administered Narcan and the patient regained consciousness,” police said. “Angelica Cierniewski admitted her doings to the responding officers. Cierniewski also admitted to discarding the evidence.” Cierniewski was arrested and charged with first-degree reckless endangerment and tampering with evidence. “The patient remained in the hospital for his original ailment and was listed in stable condition,” police said. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Cookie Re: Windows key Dear Webby, In your tech help in an old Humor Letter, that I searched today you had this phrase... *Hit the Windows key and R* Please explain to a dummy what the Window Key is. Thanks, Cookie Dear Cookie That is the second key from the left on the bottom row, the one with the Windows flag on it. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
In one small rural town the sheriff also fulfilled the role of the town's animal Vet. One night the phone rang, and his wife answered. An agitated voice inquired, "Is your husband there?" "Well, do you need him as the sheriff or the vet?" the wife asked. "Both!" was the reply. "We can't get our dog's mouth open, and there's a burglar in it."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A cute young woman is giving a man in the barbershop a manicure. The man says, "How about a date later?" "I'm married," she answers. With a wink he says, "So, just tell him you're going out with your girlfriends." "Tell him yourself," she says. "He's shaving you." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Preparing Clothing for Washing Before laundering clothing, close zipper, snap naps, fasteners, and button buttons. That way your zippers and fasteners won't snag other clothing. The best time to do this is before you toss clothing in the dirty clothes hamper. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ A Sunday school teacher was teaching her class about the difference between right and wrong. "All right children, let's take another example," she said. "If I were to get into a man's pocket and take his billfold with all his money, what would I be?" Little Jenny raises her hand, and with a confident smile, she blurts out, "You'd be his wife!"
The parking in front of a liquor store and laser eye surgery center.
Thanks to Mary-Beth for this story: Here in the Kentucky hills, you don't see too many people hang-gliding. Ol' Zeek decided to save up and get a hang-glider. He takes it to the highest mountain, and after struggling to the top, he gets ready to take flight. He takes off running and reaches the edge and into the wind he goes! Meanwhile, Maw & Paw Abner were sittin' on the porch swing, talkin 'bout the good ol' days when maw spots the biggest bird she has ever seen! "Look at the size of that bird, Paw!" she exclaims. Paw raises up, "Git mah gun, Maw." Maw runs into the house, brings out his pump action shotgun. He takes careful aim. BANG...BANG.....BANG.....BANG! The monster size bird continues to sail silently over the tree tops. "I think ya missed him, Paw," she says. "Yeah," he replies, "but at least he let go of ol' Zeek!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, February 24, in
1835 "Siwinowe Kesibwi" (The Shawnee Sun) was issued as the first
Indian language monthly publication in the U.S. 

1839 Mr. William S. Otis received a patent for the steam shovel. 

1866 In Washington, DC, an American flag made entirely of American
bunting was displayed for the first time. 

1868 The U.S. House of Representatives impeached President Andrew
Johnson due to his attempt to dismiss Secretary of War Edwin M.
Stanton. The U.S. Senate later acquitted Johnson. 

1900 New York City Mayor Van Wyck signed the contract to begin work on
New York's first rapid transit tunnel. The tunnel would link Manhattan
and Brooklyn. The ground breaking ceremony was on March 24, 1900. 

1903 In Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, an area was leased to the U.S. for a
naval base. 

1925 A thermit was used for the first time. It was used to break up a
250,000-ton ice jam that had clogged the St. Lawrence River near
Waddington, NY. 

1938 The first nylon bristle toothbrush was made. It was the first
time that nylon yarn had been used commercially. 

1942 The U.S. Government stopped shipments of all 12-gauge shotguns
for sporting use for the wartime effort.

1945 During World War II, the Philippine capital of Manilla, was
liberated by U.S. soldiers. 

1946 Juan Peron was elected president of Argentina. 

1956 The city of Cleveland invoked a 1931 law that barred people under
the age of 18 from dancing in public without an adult guardian. 

1980 NBC premiered the TV movie "Harper Valley P.T.A." 

1981 Buckingham Palace announced the engagement of Britain's Prince
Charles to Lady Diana Spencer. 

1983 A U.S.congressional commission released a report that condemned
the internment of Japanese-Americans during World War II. 

1987 An exploding supernova was discovered in the Large Magellanic
Cloud galaxy. 

1988 The U.S. Supreme Court overturned a $200,000 award to Rev. Jerry
Falwell that had been won against "Hustler" magazine. The ruling
expanded legal protections for parody and satire. 

1989 Iran’s Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini sentenced Salman Rushdie to
death for his novel "The Satanic Verses". A bounty of one to three-
million-dollars was also put on Rushidie's head. 

1989 A United Airlines 747 jet rips open in flight killing 9 people.
The flight was from Honolulu to New Zealand. 

1994 In Los Angeles, Garrett Morris was shot during a robbery attempt.
He eventually recovered from his injury. 

1997 The U.S. The Food and Drug Administration named six brands of
birth control as safe and effective "morning-after" pills for
preventing pregnancy. 

1999 In southeast China, a domestic airliner crashed killing all 64

2008 Cuba's parliament named Raul Castro president. His brother Fidel
had ruled for nearly 50 years.

2018  smiled.

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Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, February 23
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Just saw the headline that in Connecticut alone 97 people are now
dead, 1951 hospitalized due to the new and improved flu. I wonder what
the numbers are for all of North America!
Over 2000 shot in Connecticut, 
and they can't blame THAT on the NRA!

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman ‘just out of rehab' had 
open 12-pack of beer, child in car

Today, February 23 in
2000 Robby Knievel made a successful motorcycle jump of 200 feet over
an oncoming train. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ History will be kind to me for I intend to write it. --- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965) Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to believe. --- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988) The more you seek security, the less of it you have. But the more you seek opportunity, the more likely it is that you will achieve the security that you desire." --- Brian Tracy ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A kindergarten teacher was receiving birthday gifts from her pupils. The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Some flowers." "That's right" the boy said, "but how did you know?" "Oh, just a wild guess," she said. The next pupil was the candy shop owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets." "That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl. "Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher. The next gift was from the son of the liquor store owner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and touched it to her tongue. "Is it wine?" she asked. "No," the boy replied, with some excitement. The teacher repeated the process, taking a larger drop of the leakage to her tongue. "Is it champagne?" she asked. "No," the boy replied, with more excitement. The teacher took one more taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?" With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy-dog!" ______________________________________________________ The visiting church school supervisor asks little Johnny during Bible class who broke down the walls of Jericho. Little Johnny replies that he does not know, but it definitely is not him. The supervisor, taken aback by this lack of basic Bible knowledge goes to the school principal and relates the whole incident. The principal replies that he knows little Johnny and his whole family very well and can vouch for them, if little Johnny said that he did not do it, he as principal is satisfied that it is the truth. Even more appalled the inspector goes to the regional Head of Education and relates the whole story. After listening he replies: "I can't see why you are making such a big issue out of this; just get three quotes and fix the damned wall." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Melbourne, Australia _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other, outside the operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?" The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous." The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze!" The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?" The first kid says, "A circumcision." The second kid says, "Whoa! I had that done when I was born. I couldn't walk for a year!" _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Stephanie Roque, 30, Palm Beach, Florida Florida woman ‘just out of rehab' had open 12-pack of beer, child in car A Florida woman was arrested after deputies said she drove intoxicated with a child sitting above an open case of beer tucked in the back seat. A Palm Beach County Sheriff’s deputy pulled over Miami resident Stephanie Roque, 30, about 11 a.m. after she made a complete stop in her SUV in the center of a lane, the Palm Beach Post reported. The deputy said that Roque’s drivers license was suspended, and noticed she had a “strong smell of alcohol,” the arrest report states. Roque told the deputy that she “just got out of rehab today for a drinking problem,” according to the report. The deputy found a child in the backseat of the car with an open 12-pack of beer sitting underneath the child’s feet, the Palm Beach Post reported. Only nine of the 12 beers were in the case, the report states. The deputy had Roque perform roadside sobriety tests, and then arrested her on charges of DUI and child neglect. Roque was booked into the Palm Beach County jail and released Thursday after posting a $4,000 bond, according to jail records. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: From Linny Re: Moved task bar Dear Webby, I truly need help with this. My grandsons visited and somehow put the task bar that is at the bottom on the side and it is very much in the way and they don't know how they did it? Thanks Linny Dear Linny Just grab an empty gray spot in the task bar with the mouse, and drag it back down. It does not drag normally, but acts like it is stuck, then all of a sudden it snaps to where the mouse is. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
On her way back from the concession stand, Trisha asked the man at the end of the row, "Sir, did I step on your foot a minute ago?" Expecting an apology the man said, "Indeed you did." Trisha nodded. "Oh, good. Then this is my row."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A guy walks into a bar and approaches the barman, "Can I have a pint of Less, please?" "I'm sorry sir," the barman replies, looking slightly puzzled, "I've not come across that one before. Is it a spirit?" "I've no idea," replies the guy, "The thing is, I went to see my doctor last week and he told me that I should drink less." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Softer Line Dried Clothing By mamacrafter [45 Posts, 30 Comments] 22 found this helpful February 15, 2011 Do you line dry your laundry only to discover when it's dried out that it needs ironing? Try putting 1/3 cup of vinegar in the washer. Vinegar will take the soap residue out of the laundry and your laundry will be lots softer. By Queen Bee from TN Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Having been married ten years and still living in an apartment, the wife would often complain about anything, as she was tired of saving every penny to buy a "dream home". Trying to placate her, the husband found a new apartment, within their budget. However, after the first week, she began complaining again. "Joel," she said, "I don't like this place at all. There are no curtains in the bathroom. The neighbors can see me every time I take a bath." "Don't worry about them." replied her husband. "they can buy curtains it it bothers them."
Dear Webby, I subscribe to the Humor Letter which brightens my day always and also often provides technical information I can use. Thanks. I think you have recommended Gmail accounts and offered to send the required invitations to get one. I would like to take your advice and get a Gmail account. Could you please send me the required invitaion? Dan Hi Dan Just go to gmail.com They will guide you throughhe sign up. Have Fun! DearWebby ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, February 23, in
1574 France began the 5th holy war against the Huguenots. 

1660 Charles XI became the king of Sweden. 

1792 The Humane Society of Massachusetts was incorporated. 

1813 The first U.S. raw cotton-to-cloth mill was founded in Waltham,

1820 The Cato Street conspiracy was uncovered. 

1821 The Philadelphia College of Apothecaries established the first
pharmacy college. 

1822 Boston was incorporated as a city. 

1836 In San Antonio, TX, the siege of the Alamo began. 

1839 In Boston, MA, William F. Harnden organized the first express
service between Boston and New York City. It was the first express
service in the U.S. 

1847 Santa Anna was defeated at the Battle of Buena Vista in Mexico by
U.S. troops under Gen. Zachary. 

1861 U.S. President-elect Abraham Lincoln arrived secretly in
Washington to take his office after an assassination attempt in

1861 Texas became the 7th state to secede from the Union. 

1874 Walter Winfield patented a game called "sphairistike." More
widely known as lawn tennis. 

1875 J. Palisa discovered asteroid #143 (aka Adria). 

1883 Alabama became the first U.S. state to enact an antitrust law. 

1886 Charles M. Hall completed his invention of aluminum. 

1887 The French/Italian Riviera was hit by an earthquake that killed
about 2,000. 

1896 The Tootsie Roll was introduced by Leo Hirshfield. 

1898 In France, Emile Zola was imprisoned for his letter, "J'accuse,"
which accused the government of anti-Semitism and wrongly jailing
Alfred Dreyfus. 

1900 The Battle of Hart's Hill took place in South Africa between the
Boers and the British army. 

1904 The U.S. acquired control of the Panama Canal Zone for $10

1905 The Rotary Club was founded in Chicago, IL, by Attorney Paul
Harris and three others. 

1910 In Philadelphia, PA, the first radio contest was held. 

1915 Nevada began enforcing convenient divorce law. 

1916 The U.S. Congress authorizes the McKinley Memorial $1 gold coin. 

1919 The Fascist Party was formed in Italy by Benito Mussolini. 

1927 The Federal Radio Commission began assigning frequencies, hours
of operation and power allocations for radio broadcasters. On July 1,
1934 the name was changed to the Federal Communications Commission

1932 Robert Short became the first American to die in an arial battle
with the Japanese. 

1940 Russian troops conquered Lasi Island. 

1940 Walt Disney's animated movie "Pinocchio" was released. 

1945 The 28th Regiment of the Fifth Marine Division of the U.S.
Marines reached the top of Mount Surabachi. A photograph of these
Marines raising the American flag was taken. 

1954 The first mass vaccination of children against polio began in
Pittsburgh, PA. 

1955 The French government was formed by Edgar Faure. 

1957 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the NFL operations did fall
within coverage of antitrust laws. 

1958 Juan Fangio, 5-time world diving champion, was kidnapped by Cuban

1966 The Bitar government in Syria was ended with a military coup. 

1968 Wilt Chamberlain (Philadelphia 76ers) became the first player to
score 25,000 career points in the NBA. 

1970 Guyana became a republic. 

1974 The Symbionese Liberation Army demanded $4 million more for the
release of Patty Hearst. Hearst had been kidnapped on February 4th. 

1980 Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini declared that Iran's new parliament
would have to decide the fate of the hostages taken on November 4,
1979, at the U.S. embassy in Tehran. 

1985 The TV show "Gimme a Break" was broadcast live before a studio
audience. It was the first TV sitcom to be seen live since the 1950s. 

1991 During the Persian Gulf War, ground forces crossed the border of
Saudi Arabia into the country of Iraq. Less than four days later the
war was over due to the surrender or withdraw of Iraqi forces. 

1993 Gary Coleman won a $1,280,000 lawsuit against his parents. 

1997 NBC-TV aired "Schindler's List." It was completely uncensored. 

1997 Ali Hassan Abu Kamal, a Palestinian teacher, opened fire on the
86th-floor observation deck of New York City's Empire State Building.
He killed one person and wounded six more before killing himself. 

1998 In central Florida, tornadoes killed 42 people and damaged and/or
destroyed about 2,600 homes and businesses. 

1999 In Ankara, Turkey, Abdullah Ocalan was charged with treason. The
prosecutors were seeking the death penalty for the Kurdish rebel

1999 White supremacist John William King was found guilty of
kidnapping and murdering James Byrd Jr. Byrd was dragged behind a
truck for two miles on a country road in Texas. 

2000 Robby Knievel made a successful motorcycle jump of 200 feet over
an oncoming train. 

2005 The New York, NY, city medical examiner's office annouced that it
had exhausted all efforts to identify the remains of the people killed
at the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001, due to the limits of
DNA technology. About 1,600 people had been identified leaving more
than 1,100 unidentified.

2018  smiled.

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Computer keeps shutting down 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, February 22

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida man charged with murder after 
accidentally texting detective

Today, February 22 in
1630 Quadequine introduced popcorn to English colonists 
at their first Thanksgiving dinner. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say. --- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882) We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ An old guy went to his doctor and said, "Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up." "That's not senility," replied the doctor. "Senility is when you forget to zip down." ______________________________________________________ A priest, a pastor, and a rabbi are walking down the street on a hot day and are quite thirsty. They pass a busy bar and want to go in and get a drink but have no money. But the priest comes up with an idea that he thinks might work, so he goes in alone, telling to others that if his idea works they can all get free drinks. He orders his drink, and when he's finished with it, the bartender gives him his tab. The priest says, "But son,... I already paid for the drink!" The bartender says, "I'm terribly sorry father but it's really busy in here and I must have forgotten." The priest goes out and tells the pastor and the rabbi what happened, so the pastor goes in next. The pastor orders his drink and then informs the bartender that he already had paid when the bartender asks him for the money. Again the bartender apologizes. Finally the rabbi goes in and orders his drink. Again the bartender gives him the tab and the rabbi tells him, "Son, I paid you when I ordered the drink." "I'm terribly sorry rabbi," says the bartender, "I don't know what's wrong with me, but your the third man of the cloth that I've done this to." "I'm sorry son," says the rabbi, "but I'm in a terrible hurry,... Just give me my change for the $20 I gave you, and I'll be on my way...!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Schlegel's Asity, Madagascar. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Thanks to Cookie for this story: Two neighbors appeared in court, each woman accusing the other of causing trouble in their building. "Let's get to the evidence," the judge said in an effort to end their bickering. "I'll hear the oldest woman first." The case was dismissed for lack of testimony. _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by David W. Romig, 52 Dunnellon, Florida Florida man charged with murder after accidentally texting detective A Florida man is charged with murder after telling authorities he meant to text his wife about the death of his live-in girlfriend, but nervously messaged a detective instead. Marion County Sheriff’s officials arrested 52-year-old David W. Romig on Tuesday. Investigators said he staged the crime scene to make it look like an intruder entered the Dunnellon home on Jan. 30 and killed 64-year-old Sally Kaufmann-Ruff. The Ocala Star-Banner reports detectives found evidence that didn’t match Romig’s story about the home invasion. Then, he sent two text messages saying he thought he was going to be arrested. Romig is being held without bond. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Fran Re: Computer keeps shutting down Dear Webby, I "inherited" this super high preformance computer from my son. It keept shutting down on him right in the middle of games and he got disgusted with it. I tried it, just here on the table before putting it under my desk, and it seems to work OK for me. Is there anything I should do before I switch it out with my old clunker? Thanks Fran Dear Fran Open up the side panel and vacuum it out. If you see any heat sinks, clean them with q-tips and windex. If you can remove the shroud over the CPU fan, clean under that too. After putting it back together, don't put that machine into a desk hutch or confined space. Insted of putting it right on the floor, set it on a couple of bricks or wooden blocks. Give it lots of air. It will probably be fine for many years, as long as you clean it out once a year and give it plenty of air. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Peter called his doctor’s office for an appointment. “I’m sorry,” said the receptionist, “we can’t fit you in for at least two weeks.” “But I could be dead by then!” “No problem. If your wife lets us know, we’ll cancel the appointment and you won't be charged.”
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The personnel manager was impressing the applicant with the prospective job. "We make parts for microscopes. You'll be required to work with lenses that are a thousandths of an inch thick." "I can handle it," the applicant said, "I used to slice meat in a delicatessen. I can slice ham so thin, that it is kosher." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Today's Entrées and Tomorrow's Sandwiches Incorporate sandwiches into your weekly menu and one night's entrée can become tomorrow night's sandwiches. For example, have meat loaf one night and meat loaf sandwiches the next night. Some other ideas: Spaghetti and Meatballs and then meatball sandwiches. Turkey and then leftover hot turkey sandwiches with gravy. Roast beef and then french dip. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Mary's fourth grade homework assignment was to make sentences using the words in her spelling list, along with the definition. Coming across the word "frugal" in the list, she asked her father what it meant. He explained that being frugal meant you saved something. Her paper read: "Frugal: to save." Sentence: "Maid Marion fell into a pit when she went walking in the woods so she yelled for someone to come get her out. She yelled 'Frugal me, Frugal me!'"
One day, a sweet little girl becomes puzzled about her origin. "How did I get here, Mommy?" she asks. Her mother replies, using a well-worn phrase, "Why, God sent you, honey." "And did God send you too, Mommy?" she continues. "Yes, sweetheart, he did." "And Daddy, and Grandma and Grandpa, and their moms and dads, too?" "Yes, honey, all of them, too." The child shakes her head in disbelief. "Then you're telling me there's been no sex in this family for over 200 years? No wonder everyone is so grouchy!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, February 22, in
1630 Quadequine introduced popcorn to English colonists at their first
Thanksgiving dinner. 

1784 "Empress of China", a U.S. merchant ship, left New York City for
the Far East. 

1819 Spain ceded Florida to the United States. 

1855 The U.S. Congress voted to appropriate $200,000 for continuance
of the work on the Washington Monument. The next morning the
resolution was tabled and it would be 21 years before the Congress
would vote on funds again. Work was continued by the Know-Nothing
Party in charge of the project. 

1865 In the U.S., Tennessee adopted a new constitution that abolished

1879 In Utica, NY, Frank W. Woolworth opened his first 5 and 10-cent

1885 The Washington Monument was officially dedicated in Washington,
DC. It opened to the public in 1889. 

1920 The first dog race track to use an imitation rabbit opened in
Emeryville, CA. 

1923 The first successful chinchilla farm opened in Los Angeles, CA.
It was the first farm of its kind in the U.S. 

1973 The U.S. and Communist China agreed to establish liaison offices.

1984 The U.S. Census Bureau statistics showed that the state of Alaska
was the fastest growing state of the decade with an increase in
population of 19.2 percent. 

1994 The U.S. Justice Department charged Aldrich Ames and his wife
with selling national secrets to the Soviet Union. Ames was later
convicted to life in prison. Ames' wife received a 5-year prison term.

1997 Scottish scientist Ian Wilmut and colleagues announced that an
adult sheep had been successfully cloned. Dolly was actually born on
July 5, 1996. Dolly was the first mammal to have been successfully
cloned from an adult cell. 

2002 In the Philippines, An MH-47E Chinook helicopter crashed into the
ocean. All 10 men aboard were killed. 

2010 A copy of "Action Comics #1" sold at auction for $1 million. The
comic featured the introduction of Superman. 

2010 Walmart announced it was acquiring the video streaming company
Vudu, Inc. 

2018  smiled.

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Hotmail Woes 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, February 21

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida man arrested for turning his 
apartment into indoor shooting range

Today, February 21 in
1804 The first self-propelled locomotive on rails was demonstrated in

1842 John J. Greenough patented the sewing machine. 

1848 The Communist Manifesto was published by Karl Marx and Friedrich
Engels. The only part of that, which remains in our Government
institutions, is that productive people are taxed at a higher
percentage rate, than people, who don't work as hard, or at all.

See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend. --- Doug Larson The higher the buildings, the lower the morals. --- Noel Coward (1899 - 1973) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ "So, what's the matter? I thought you just got back from a nice relaxing fishing trip with your husband." "Oh, everything went wrong: First he said I talked so loud I would scare the fish. Then he said I was using the wrong bait; and then that I was reeling in too soon. "All that might have been all right; but then, to make matters worse, I ended up catching a dozen fish, and he didn't get any!" ______________________________________________________ After the boy's birthday, a parent decreed that she was no longer going to remind her teenage son of their thank-you note duties. As a result their grandmother never received acknowledgments of the generous check she had given. The next year things were different, however. "My grandson came over in person to thank me," the grandparent told a friend triumphantly. "How wonderful!" the friend exclaimed. "What do you think caused his change in behavior?" "Oh, that's easy," the grandmother replied. "This year I didn't sign the check." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ From a church bulletin: A family-type film, suitable for both children and parents, will be shown at the Sunday evening service at 6:00 p.m. Free puppies will be given to all children not accompanied by a parent. _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Ivan Bakh, 61, Cape Coral, Florida Florida man arrested for turning his apartment into indoor shooting range CAPE CORAL, Fla. — A Florida man was arrested Sunday after allegedly trying to turn his Cape Coral apartment into an indoor shooting range, according to the Cape Coral Police Department. Ivan Bakh, 61, was charged when his neighbors called police to report that they were awakened by a loud bang and found a large hole in the headboard of their beds, just over their heads. A second hole was discovered in the dresser mirror at the foot of the victims’ bed, police say. Further investigation from the victims uncovered another hole in the adjacent living room (on the other side of the wall from the dresser mirror) and a fourth hole in the living room’s far wall. After police were summoned, they made contact with Bakh, the victims’ next-door neighbor, according to the police report. An investigation of his apartment revealed a large hole through the wall between his apartment and the victims’ next door. Several books were found, taped together and propped on a shelf. One had a target drawn on the cover in red marker, police say. The books appeared to be perforated by several rounds, according to police. A 9 mm shell casing was located in the hallway between the bathroom and the bedroom of Bakh’s residence, police say. Also located inside the home was a safe containing a 9 mm Glock. The rounds located inside the magazine of the Glock handgun were a match to the 9mm spent casing located on the ground inside the residence, according to police. Bakh was charged with shooting into a dwelling and reckless discharge of a firearm and transported to Lee County Jail, police say. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Maria Re: Hotmail woes Dear Webby, Hi Dear Webby, I miss you........the last letter I received from you is this one. (dated February 16) What is happening ? Am I no longer on your mailing list? I really enjoy reading you, and hope you will be able to correct this. Keep up the good work. Maria Dear Maria garden*****@hotmail.com|Maria|humor That shows me that your subscription has been sent to your address today and every day. However, once it has entered the hoe mail server, there is nothing more that I can do about it. Microsoft has been announcing the end of Hotmail for probably 20 years. Why don't you believe Microsoft? You can read what I had sent to you in the Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog Have you considered getting a respectable email address like a Gmail address? Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
When I was working as a clerk at a sporting-goods store, a woman came up to my register with a package of white athletic socks. "Will you open this so I can see how the socks feel?" she asked. Reluctantly I tore open the package, and she scrutinized the merchandise. She handed me the package, saying, "I'll take them." Relieved, I started to ring her up, until she interrupted me. "Can I have another pack? This one's been opened." I told her: "I'll go talk to the manager", locked the till, took the opened package and dropped it back on the shelf on my way to a better job.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
John took Wendy to dinner at a really posh restaurant. They walked in, were ushered to a table by a formally dressed maitre d', and sat down at a table on which were displayed the finest china and crystal. Taking the damask napkin from the solid silver napkin ring, John unfolded it, put it around his neck and proceeded to tie a knot in the back. Staring at him, the maitre d' said, between gritted teeth, "Sir, will you be having a shave or a haircut?" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Label It Before It Goes In The Freezer Attach a marker to your fridge and write a date on everything you put in your freezer. If you don't want to write on reusable freezer containers, just attach a label with the date on it. Before you go shopping, take stock of what you have in the freezer and plan meals that use it up. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ A real-estate agent was driving around with a new trainee when she spotted a charming little farmhouse with a hand-lettered "For Sale" sign out front. After briskly introducing herself and her associate to the startled occupant, the agent cruised from room to room, opening closets and cupboards, testing faucets and pointing out where a "new light fixture here and a little paint there" would help. Pleased with her assertiveness, the woman was hopeful that the owner would offer her the listing. "Ma'am," the man said, "I appreciate the home-improvement tips and all, but I think you read my sign wrong. It says, "HORSE for sale."
Dear Webby I am amazed every day about how much work you put into your newsletter, and I do appreciate it. I would stay subscribed, even if you charged a bit for it. Yours Helen ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, February 21, in

1804 The first self-propelled locomotive on rails was demonstrated in

1842 John J. Greenough patented the sewing machine. 

1848 The Communist Manifesto was published by Karl Marx and Friedrich

1858 The first electric burglar alarm was installed in Boston, MA. 

1878 The first telephone directories issued in the U.S. were
distributed to residents in New Haven, CT. It was a single page of
only fifty names. 

1916 During World War I, the Battle of Verdun began in France. The
battle ended on December 18, 1916 with a French victory over Germany. 

1932 William N. Goodwin patented the camera exposure meter. 

1947 Edwin Land demonstrated the Polaroid Land Camera to the Optical
Society of America in New York City. It was the first camera to take,
develop and print a picture on photo paper all in about 60 seconds.
The photos were black and white. The camera went on sale the following

1950 The first International Pancake Race was held in Liberal, Kansas.

1965 Malcolm X was assassinated in New York City at the age of 39 by
assassins identified as Black Muslims. 

1968 An agreement between baseball players and club owners increased
the minimum salary for major league players to $10,000 a year. 

1973 Israeli fighter planes shot down a Libyan Airlines jet over the
Sinai Desert. More than 100 people were killed. 

1975 Former U.S. Attorney General John N. Mitchell and former White
House aides H.R. Haldeman and John D. Ehrlichman were sentenced to 2
1/2 to 8 years in prison for their roles in the Watergate cover-up. 

1988 In Baton Rouge, LA, TV evangelist Jimmy Swaggart confessed to his
congregation that he was guilty of an unspecified sin. He announced
that he was leaving the pulpit temporarily. Swaggart had been linked
to an admitted prostitute. 

1989 U.S. President George H.W. Bush called Ayatollah Khomeini's death
warrant against "Satanic Verses" author Salman Rushdie "deeply
offensive to the norms of civilized behavior." 

1995 Chicago stockbroker Steve Fossett became the first person to fly
solo across the Pacific Ocean in a balloon. He landed in Leader,
Saskatchewan, Canada. 

2003 David Hasselhoff and his wife Pamela were injured in a motorcycle
accident. The accident was caused by a strong gust of wind. Hasselhoff
fractured his lower back and broke several ribs. His wife fractured
her left ankle and right wrist. 

2018  smiled.

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¸Printing in Landscape Orientation 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, February 20

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
A 24-year-old Missouri man has been charged 
with killing parents and baby last week.

Today, February 20 in
1809 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled the power of the federal government
was greater than that of any individual state. Unfortunately, that did
not last.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Ordinarily she was insane, but she had lucid moments when she was merely stupid. --- Heinrich Heine (1797 - 1856) Pelosi? ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A little girl asked her mother for a dollar to give to an old lady in the park. Her mother was touched by the child's kindness, and gave her the dollar, the said, "There you are, my dear, but tell me, isn't the lady able to work any more?" "Oh yes," said the little girl. "She sells candy." ______________________________________________________ A minister announced to the congregation that admission to a church social event would be six dollars per person. "However, if you're over 65," he said, "the price will be only $5.50." From the back of the sanctuary, a woman's voice rang out, "Do you really think I'd give you that information for only fifty cents?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A man was just falling off to sleep when his wife nudged him and said the telephone was ringing. "At this hour it's probably for you," she said, closing her eyes. The phone by their bed was not working, so the man rolled out of bed and trundled downstairs. When he returned, his wife was asleep. He woke her and said, "It wasn't for me, after all." He waited as she drug herself out of bed, pulled on her robe and headed for the stairs. Then he added, "It was a wrong number." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Drew D. Atchison, 24, Williamsville, Missouri Man stabbed couple to death, returned to kill their baby one day later A 24-year-old Missouri man has been charged with killing parents and baby last week. Drew D. Atchison, 24, of Williamsville, which is roughly two hours south of St. Louis, has been charged with three counts of felony murder in the first degree, three counts of felony armed criminal action, felony child kidnapping and felony tampering in the first degree, CBS affiliate KFVS reported. The three victims were Harley Million, Samara Kitts and Willa Million, who was Harley and Samara's 17-month-old daughter. Atchison's killing spree allegedly started Jan. 25. Sheriff's deputies claim Atchison "confessed to killing Million and Kitts while at the home with a knife. He then allegedly put their bodies in the back of Million's truck and went back inside and placed the child in a room with dogs and shut her inside so she could not get out. He then left the home and drove to his home," KFVS added. The next morning, Atchison allegedly went back to the couple's home and tried to destroy evidence before putting the 17-month-old baby in the truck. He eventually pulled off the highway and threw the knife in some woods, according to the report. Atchison then took the baby out of the truck and shot her to death, myAJC reported. Samara Kitts' mother Christa has used Facebook to share her sorrow and anger over what happened. "Never felt so much hate in my heart for anyone. And to think he sat at my kitchen table when they were teens. Was at my grand daughter first birthday party with his own daughter," Christa Kitts wrote on Facebook. "I hope u never see light of day and burn in hell for eternity. And that life here on earth you don't deserve." _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Trudy Re: Print wide patterns Dear Webby, I am sorry to bother you with this question: Besides your Humor Letter, my other favorite pasttime is knitting. I found some great patterns on the internet, but I am stomped. It says that I have to be in the landscape mode to make copies to fit on letter-size paper. I checked into the space, it is on landscape, but when I want to make copies, it still only prints about 3/4 of the pattern on each line. What gives?? Thank you for your help. I have a Microsoft Windows 7. Thumbs up for your daily humor letter, it makes my day! Sincerely ---Trudy Dear Trudy That is slightly different depending on which printer you use, and also which browser. Usually, you can set ORIENTATION, if you go to CTRL P ORIENTATION and select Landscape. Most printers will remember that, and print in Landscape mode foreverafter, until you change the ORIENTATION back to Portrait. Some printers call the orientation LAYOUOT. It is the same thing. My 12 year old DELL 1320c color laser even shows a preview of the printed page. Just play with the settings page and get comfortable with it. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?" Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster, the boss asked, "Is your daddy home?" "Yes," whispered the small voice. "May I talk with him?" the man asked. To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No." Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?" "Yes," came the answer. "May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered, "No." Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child. "Is there any one there besides you?" the boss asked the child. "Yes," whispered the child, "A policeman." Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?" "No, he's busy," whispered the child. "Busy doing what?" asked the boss. "Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the fireman," came the whispered answer. Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?" "A hello-copper," answered the whispering voice. "What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed. In an awed, whispering voice, the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper." Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated, the boss asked, "Why are they there?" Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle, "They're looking for me."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Tammy is having a bad day at the roulette tables in 'Vegas. She's down to her last $50. Exasperated, she exclaims, "What rotten luck! What in the world should I do now?" A man standing next to Tammy, trying to calm her down, suggests, "I don't know... why don't you play your age?" He walks away. Moments later, his attention is grabbed by a great commotion at the roulette table. Thinking Maybe she'd won, he rushes back to the table and pushes his way through the crowd. Tammy is lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her. The man is stunned. He asks, "What happened? Is she all right?" The operator replies, "I don't know. She put all her money on 29, and 36 came up. Then she just fainted...!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Fresh Frozen Lasagna Instead of buying frozen lasagna, make your own. Any basic lasagna recipe and be frozen for later use. Line your baking dish with aluminum foil and then prepare the lasagna as if you were getting it ready to bake it. Then fold the foil over the top of the lasagna and either put it in a large freezer bag or wrap it in plastic wrap. When you are ready to use it, remove the plastic wrap or plastic bag and put it back in the same baking dish in which you prepared it. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ From Connie Top 9 Things I Hate 1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is? When they point at their wrist, I look at THEIR wrist, and tell them "I dont know." 2. People who are willing to hunt all over the house to search for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually. 3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it? 4 When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? 5 When people say while watching a movie "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the floor. 6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine? I tell them "NO!, I am allergic to questions." 7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has neve r been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new. 8. When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer? 9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". Think about it...If the bus came would I be standing here?
A honeymoon couple is in the Watergate Hotel in Washington. The bride is concerned "What if the place is still bugged?" The groom says, "I'll look for a bug." He looks behind the drapes, behind the pictures, under the rug "AHA!" Under the rug was a disc with four screws. He gets his Swiss army knife, unscrews the screws, throws them and the disc out the window. The next morning, the hotel manager asks the newlyweds "How was your room? How was the service? How was your stay at the Watergate Hotel?" The groom says, "Why are you asking me all of these questions?" The hotel manager says, "Well, the room under you complained about the chandelier falling on them!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, February 20, in
1673 The first recorded wine auction took place in London. 

1809 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled the power of the federal government
was greater than that of any individual state. Unfortunately, that did
not last.

1815 The USS Constitution, under Captain Charles Stewart fought the
British ships Cyane and Levant. The Constitution captured both, but
lost the Levant after encountering a British squadron. The
Constitution and the Cyane returned to New York safely on May 15,
1815. The Cyane was purchased and became the USS Cyane. 

1839 The U.S. Congress prohibited dueling in the District of Columbia.

1872 Luther Crowell received a patent for a machine that manufactured
paper bags. 

1872 Silas Noble and J.P. Cooley patented the toothpick manufacturing

1873 The University of California got its first Medical School. 

1880 The American Bell Company was incorporated. 

1921 The motion picture "The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse" was
released starring Rudolph Valentino.

1931 The U.S. Congress allowed California to build the Oakland Bay

1933 The U.S. House of Representatives completed congressional action
on the amendment to repeal Prohibition. 

1944 "Big Week" began as U.S. bombers began raiding German aircraft
manufacturing centers during World War II. 

1962 John Glenn made space history when he orbited the world three
times in 4 hours, 55 minutes. He was the first American to orbit the
Earth. He was aboard the Friendship 7 Mercury capsule. Glenn witnessed
the Devil's Cigarette Lighter while in flight. 

1965 Ranger 8 crashed on the moon after sending back thousands of
pictures of its surface. 

1987 A bomb exploded in a computer store in Salt Lake City, UT. The
blast was blamed on the Unabomber. 

1993 Two ten-year-old boys were charged by police in Liverpool,
England, in the abduction and death of a toddler. The two boys were
later convicted. 

1998 American Tara Lipinski, at age 15, became the youngest gold
medalist in winter Olympics history when she won the ladies' figure
skating title at Nagano, Japan. 

2001 FBI Agent Robert Phillip Hanssen was arrested and charged with
spying for the Russians for 15 years. 

2002 In Reqa Al-Gharbiya, Egypt, a fire raced through a train killing
at least 370 people and injuring at least 65. 

2003 In West Warwick, RI, 100 people were killed and more than 230
were injured when fire destroyed the nightclub The Station. The fire
started with sparks from a pyrotechnic display being used by Jack
Russel's Great White. Ty Longley, guitarist for the band, was one of
the victims in the fire. 

2008 The U.S. Navy destroyed an inoperable spy satellite with a
missile from the USS Lake Erie. 

2018  smiled.

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Creating a PDF file 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, February 19

Nice Northern Lights out!
Have a look tonight!

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Church Vicar caught on camera ‘watching porn, 
sniffing cocaine, and using a crack pipe’

Today, February 19 in
1942 Approximately 150 Japanese warplanes attacked the Australian city
of Darwin. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The great tragedy of Science - the slaying of a beautiful hypothesis by an ugly fact. --- Thomas H. Huxley (1825 - 1895) Historians are like deaf people who go on answering questions that no one has asked them. --- Leo Tolstoy The difference between a violin and a viola is that a viola burns longer. --- Victor Borge ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this story: An Irish Priest Transferred Recently to Texas Father O'Malley rose from his bed. It was a fine spring day in his new Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station. The conversation went like this: "Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?" "And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Brigid's There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn. Would ye be so kind as to send a couple o' yer lads to take care of the matter?" Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk, "Well now father, it was always my impression that you people took care of last rites!" There was dead silence on the line for a long moment. Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye, tis certainly true, but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin." ______________________________________________________ This little guy walks into a bar, sits down and orders his drink. After a while, this big guy comes along and "WHAP" little guy's on the floor. The big guy says "That was a karate chop from Japan" So, the little guy gets up and sits down again. Soon, the big guy's back again, and "WHOOSH" little guy's on the floor again. The big guy says "that was a sumo chop from China" Little guy gets up and leaves. The big guy sits down where the little guy was. Thirty minutes later, the little guy comes back, and "BANG" big guy's on the floor, passed out. The little guy tells the bartender "When he wakes up, tell him that was a pipe wrench, from Sears." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ The fourth-grade teacher had to leave the room for a few minutes. When she returned, she found the children in perfect order. Everybody was sitting absolutely quiet. She was shocked and stunned and said, "I've never seen anything like it before. This is wonderful. But, please tell me, what came over all of you? Why are you so well-behaved and quiet?" Finally, after much urging, a little girl said, "Well, one time you said that if you ever came back and found us quiet, you would drop dead!!" _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Vicar Stennett Kirby, 64, East London, England Church Vicar caught on camera ‘watching porn, sniffing cocaine, and using a crack pipe’ A Church of England vicar has allegedly been caught on camera appearing to smoke crack, snort cocaine and watch porn. The Reverend Stennett Kirby, 64, was filmed in the £1.5 million ($ 2,103,261.82 USD) vicarage of West Ham Parish Church in East London, which he lives in. He has been the vicar of the church since 2007, and is considered a respected member of the community, but is currently on sick leave for unknown reasons. In the shocking footage obtained by the Sun on Sunday, he appears to be smoking from a crack pipe before he struggles to snort a line of white powder as he relaxes with a friend. At one point, he seems to be watching pornography and says: ‘All I want now is for a woman to be sucking my dick that would be nice. ‘How much would a woman cost to come here? In other words if I really want it then I will pay for it.’ His friend reportedly then says he prefers prostitutes to relationships, which unmarried Mr Kirby, who is currently on sick leave from work, agrees to. The footage then seems to show him talking about his plans to go into Central London and buy more drugs. He says: ‘I’m going to Soho with my mate for dinner. ‘I’m going to sex shops to get some poppers.’ _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Elsa Re: Making a PDF file Dear Webby, Like most of your fans, I barely remember the topics that you have talked about, but not the gory details. OK, how do I make a PDF file? I dont have the ridiculously expensive Microsoft office or 365, just Office Libre. I tried SAVE AS, but PDF is not an option. Thanks Elsa Dear Elsa PDF is not a 2-way street. Once you export it as a PDF, you would need a different program, like Nitro, to convert it back to editable text. To make a PDF, go into Libre Office WRITE, hit FILE scroll down to EXPORT AS PDF. That EXPORTS to a new and separate file. You can use a different file name and destination, for example on a thumb drive or camera chip. The original text file will not be renamed or changed in any way. The program basically "takes a picture" of it and exports that picture. Because it is quite a nuisance to edit a PDF, if you have to make changes, just edit the original text file and export it again. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Bob decided to try his hand at a new job and secured one as a used car salesman. He had no experience in this field but he figured he could use the old sales pitch that the car was "like brand-new" and had only been driven by a little old lady on Sundays. He tried that approach on every prospective buyer but none seemed to believe him and no sales were made that day. The following day he decided to change his sales pitch, and sure enough he sold three cars. The manager of the used car dealership called him over and asked what he had done to bring about all these sales. Bob grinned, "Well they didn't believe my little old lady story, so I told them that the car had previously been owned by a nymphomaniac who only used the backseat."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Some people grow old gracefully, while others fight and scratch the whole way. Andy's wife, refusing to give in to the looks of growing old, goes out and buys a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger. After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the "miracle" products, she asks her husband, "Darling, honestly, if you didn't know me, what age would you say I am?" Looking over her carefully, Andy replied, "Judging from your skin, 20; your hair, 18; your eyes, 16, and your figure, 25." "Oh, you flatterer!" she gushed. Just as she was about to tell Andy his reward, he stops her by saying... "WHOA, hold on there sweety!" Andy interrupted. "I haven't added them up yet!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Become Your Own Butcher Save money on chicken by buying them whole and cutting them yourselves. It's easy to learn how to quarter your own chicken. All the leftover bones make great soup stock. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Five Surgeons are discussing the types of people they like to operate on. The first surgeon says: "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered." The second responds: "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded." The third surgeon says: "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order." The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers...those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over." But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine. Plus, the head and the [rear end] are interchangeable."
Dear Webby, I would like to tell everyone to get the gmail it is great! This is where I recieve my Humor Letter every day without fail. I enjoy the Humor Letter very much, keep up the good work. Cee ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, February 19, in
1846 The formal transfer of government between Texas and the United
States took place. Texas had officially become a state on December 29,

1856 The tintype camera was patented by Professor Hamilton L. Smith. 

1864 The Knights of Pythias was founded in Washington, DC. A dozen
members formed what became Lodge No. 1. 

1878 Thomas Alva Edison patented a music player (the phonograph). 

1881 Kansas became the first state to prohibit all alcoholic

1922 Ed Wynn became the first big-name, vaudeville talent to sign on
as a radio talent. 

1942 U.S. President Roosevelt signed an executive order giving the
military the authority to relocate and intern Japanese-Americans. 

1942 The New York Yankees announced that they would admit 5,000
uniformed servicemen free to each of their home ball games during the
coming season. 

1942 Approximately 150 Japanese warplanes attacked the Australian city
of Darwin. 

1945 During World War II, about 30,000 U.S. Marines landed on Iwo

1949 Bollingen Foundation and Yale University awarded the first
Bollingen Prize in poetry ($5,000) to Ezra Pound. 

1953 The State of Georgia approved the first literature censorship
board in the U.S. Newspapers were excluded from the new legislation. 

1959 Cyprus was granted its independence with the signing of an
agreement with Britain, Turkey and Greece. Then the shooting started.

1963 The Soviet Union informed U.S. President Kennedy it would
withdraw "several thousand" of its troops from Cuba. 

1981 The U.S. State Department called El Savador a "textbook case" of
a Communist plot. 

1981 Ford Motor Company announced its loss of $1.5 billion. 

1985 Mickey Mouse was welcomed to China as part of the 30th
anniversary of Disneyland. The touring mouse played 30 cities in 30

1985 William Schroeder became the first artificial-heart patient to
leave the confines of the hospital. 

1985 Cherry Coke was introduced by the Coca-Cola Company. 

1986 The U.S. Senate approved a treaty outlawing genocide. The pact
had been submitted 37 years earlier for ratification. 

1986 The Soviet Union launched the Mir space station. 

1987 A controversial, anti-smoking publice service announcement aired
for the first time on television. Yul Brynner filmed the ad shortly
before dying of lung cancer. Brynner made it clear in the ad that he
would have died from cigarette smoking before the ad aired. 

1997 Deng Xiaoping of China died at the age of 92. He was the last of
China's major revolutionaries. 

2001 The museum at the Oklahoma City National Memorial Center was

2002 NASA's Mars Odyssey spacecraft began using its thermal emission
imaging system to map Mars. 

2004 Former Enron Corp. chief executive Jeffrey Skilling was charged
with fraud, insider trading and other crimes in connection with the
energy trader's collapse. Skilling was later convicted and sentenced
to more than 24 years in prison. 

2005 The USS Jimmy Carter was commissioned at Groton, CT. It was the
last of the Seawolf class of attack submarines. 

2008 Fidel Castro resigned the Cuban presidency. His brother Raul was
later named as his successor.

2018  smiled.

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Popcorn Infection 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, February 18

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Woman shows up drunk to her public 
drunkenness hearing, held on old DUI warrant.

Today, February 18 in
1564 The artist Michelanglelo died in Rome. He painted the original
ceiling of the Sistine Chapel in Rome. The nude scened have been
painted over a few years ago.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The best minds are not in government. If any were, business would hire them away. --- Ronald Reagan (1911 - 2004) Food is an important part of a balanced diet. --- Fran Lebowitz (1950 - ) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ This Irish guy shows up in a pub one day and orders three pints of Guinness. He takes sips from each glass until they are empty and calls the bartender for three more. The bartender says, "Hey, pal, I don't mind bringing one at a time, then they'll be fresh and cold." "Nah... ahm preferrin' that ya bring 'em three at a time. You see, me and me two brothers would meet at a pub and drink and have good times. Now one is in Australia, the other in Canada and I'm here. We agreed before we split up that we'd drink this way to each other's honor." "Well," says the bartender, "that's a damn good sentimental thing to do. I'll bring the pints as you ask." Well, time goes on and the Irishman's peculiar habit is known and accepted by all the pub regulars. One day, the Irishman comes in and orders only two pints. A hush falls over the pub. Naturally, everyone figures something happened to one of the brothers. A bunch of the regulars corner the bartender and finally persuade him to find out what happened. With a heavy heart, the bartender brings the two pints and says, "Here's your pints... and let me offer my sincerest condolences. What happened?" The Irishman looks extremely puzzled for a moment. When the light comes on in his head, he starts laughing. "No, no! 'Tis nothing like that. You see, I've gotten married and promised to give up drinking. Hasn't affected my brothers, though." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Martin for this story: An oldie I used to tell about 40 years ago. Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says, "Sisters, you all led such exemplary lives that the Lord is granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you wish to be. The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren;" and poof, she's gone. The second says, "I want to be Madonna" and poof, she's gone. The third says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini.." St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he asks. "Sara Pipalini;" replies the nun. St. Peter shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't ring a bell." The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter. St. Peter reads the article in the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to the nun and says, "No, sister, the paper says it was the 'Sahara Pipeline' that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months." (If you dont laugh, you are going straight to hell!) _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Grandpa and Grandma were sitting in their porch rockers watching the beautiful sunset and reminiscing about "the good old days". Grandma turned to Grandpa and said, "Honey, do you remember when we first started dating and you used to just casually reach over and take my hand?" Grandpa looked over at her, smiled and obligingly took her aged hand in his. With a wry little smile, Grandma pressed a little farther, "Honey, do you remember how after we were engaged, you'd sometimes lean over and suddenly kiss me on the cheek?" Grandpa leaned slowly toward Grandma and gave her a lingering kiss on her wrinkled cheek. Growing bolder still, Grandma said, "Honey, do you remember how, after we were first married, you'd kind of nibble on my ear?" Grandpa slowly got up from his rocker and headed into the house. Alarmed, Grandma said, "Honey, where are you going?" Grandpa replied, "Do get my deef." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jennifer Amanda Jones, New Holland, Pennsylvania Woman shows up drunk to her public drunkenness hearing, held on old DUI warrant Showing up to court under the influence is bad, especially when accused of public drunkenness and with a pending case for driving under the influence. That's what New Holland Police say Jennifer Amanda Jones did Feb. 9 when she was scheduled for a hearing at District Judge Jonathan Heisse's office. Officers arrived and found she was under the influence of alcohol and took her into custody. Online court records indicate Jones has had multiple cases involving public drunkenness and driving under the influence. She was later turned over to the Lancaster County sheriff's office on an outstanding warrant from DUI charge. Jones was formally charged with public drunkenness for the incident in district court on Feb. 13. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Barry Re: Popcorn Dear Webby, Hope you can help me. I (my computer) has been invaded by spyware. Particularly a movie download site called popcorn.net. Every once in a while this reminder notice pops up saying I must pay 29.95 or I will continue to be pestered. I have tryed to remove the software to no avail. Can you help?? A loyal reader, Barry Somebody on your machine has apparently agreed to pay Popcorn after accepting a 3 day free trial of downloading stolen movies, and then cheerfully downloaded and installed a whole mess of trojans and malware and also the nagger that you noticed. If it was you, a strict diet of Smarties is highly recommended. There is a LOT of information about Spyware and Ransomware avaliable on the net. You are not the only one who got conned by them. Popcorn CAN be removed manually, if you are comfortable with spending an hour messing around in the registry. The alternative is to use a popcorn remover like the one at http://http://www.anti-spyware-101.com/ If you suspect an infection like that, and dont have Malwarebytes and Spybot-Search&Destroy from my Tools page, then definitely study anti-spyware-101.com Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Thanks to Vern for this story: Preparing for a tag sale at our house, my wife and I decided to put out a mirror we'd received as a wedding gift. Because of its garish aqua colored metal frame we just couldn't find a room in our house where it looked good. Shortly after the tag sale started, a man looking to decorate his apartment bought it for one dollar. "This is a great deal," he said excitedly." It still has the plastic on it." Then he peeled off the aqua colored protective covering to reveal a beautiful gold finished frame.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
What's the usual tip?" a man growled when the college boy who delivered his pizza. "Well," the student replied, "this is my first delivery, but the other guys said that if I got a quarter out of you, I'd be doing great." "That so?" grunted the man. "In that case, here's five dollars." "Thanks," the student said, "I'll put it in my college fund." "By the way, what are you studying?" "Applied psychology." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Check the Sell By Date Do you find that milk, meat, cheese, or bread goes bad on you before you have a chance to use it? When shopping, always note the "sell by" date. Most foods will last a week past the "sell by" date. If you don't think you can use it in that amount of time look around for a product with a later "sell by" date. If you already own food you won't be able to use, simply freeze it by the "sell by" date. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ While on my desk assignment in the Army, I noticed that my co-worker never answered his phone. One day I asked him why, and he said, "If you had to pick up the telephone and say, 'Statistical section, Specialist Strastewskivich speaking,' would you want to answer the phone?"
Some of Buster Keaton’s Most Amazing Stunts
A very outgoing and honest 7-year-old girl calmly admitted to her parents that Billy Brown had kissed her after class. Her mother gasped and said, "How did that happen?" The little girl said, "It wasn't easy, but three other girls helped me catch him and hold him down." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, February 18, in
1564 The artist Michelanglelo died in Rome. He painted the original
ceiling of the Sistine Chapel in Rome. The nude scened have been
painted over a few years ago.

1685 Robert Cavelier, Sieur de LaSalle established Fort St. Louis at
Matagorda Bay, and thus formed the basis for France's claim to Texas. 

1841 The first continuous filibuster in the U.S. Senate began. It
lasted until March 11th. 

1861 In Montgomery, AL, Jefferson Davis was inaugurated as the
President of the Confederate States. 

1885 Mark Twain's "Adventures of Huckleberry Finn" was published in
the U.S. for the first time. 

1913 The famous French painting "Nude Descending a Staircase", by the
French artist, Marcel Duchamp, was displayed at an "Armory Show" in
New York City. 

1930 Elm Farm Ollie became the first cow to fly in an airplane. 

1930 The planet Pluto was discovered by Clyde Tombaugh. The discovery
was made as a result of photographs taken in January 1930. 

1932 Sonja Henie won her 6th world women’s figure skating title in
Montreal, Canada. 

1952 Greece and Turkey became members of NATO. 

1953 "Bwana Devil" opened. It was the first three-dimensional feature.

1953 Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz signed a contract worth $8,000,000 to
continue the "I Love Lucy" TV show through 1955. 

1970 The Chicago Seven defendants were found innocent of conspiring to
incite riots at the 1968 Democratic national convention. 

1972 The California Supreme Court struck down the state's death

1977 The space shuttle Enterprise went on its maiden "flight" sitting
on top of a Boeing 747. 

1987 The executives of the Girl Scout movement decided to change the
color of the scout uniform from the traditional Girl Scout green to
the newer Girl Scout blue. 

1998 In Russia, money shortages resulted in the shutting down of three
plants that produced nuclear weapons.

1998 In Nevada, two white separatists were arrested and accused of
plotting a bacterial attack on subways in New York City. 

2000 The U.S. Commerce Department reported a deficit in trade goods
and services of $271.3 billion for 1999. It was the largest calender-
year trade gap in U.S. history. 

2001 NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt, Sr., was killed in a crash during
the Daytona 500 race. 

2001 FBI agent Robert Philip Hanssen was arrested and accused of
spying for Russia for more than 15 years. He later pleaded guilty and
was sentenced to life in prison without parole. 

2003 In South Korea, at least 120 people were killed when a man lit a
fire on a subway train. 

2018  smiled.

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Subscription problems 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, February 17

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Man raped teen as she died from overdose, 
texted 'LOL' to friends

Today, February 17 in
1817 The first gaslit streetlights appeared 
on the streets of Baltimore, MD.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The one function TV news performs very well is that when there is no news we give it to you with the same emphasis as if there were. --- David Brinkley (1920 - 2003) When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. --- Hunter S. Thompson Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite. --- John Kenneth Galbraith ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A cop walking his usual beat sees an old man pulling a box on a leash, down a busy street. "Poor man," the cop thinks to himself. "I'd better go humor him." "That' a nice dog you got there," says the cop to the old man. "It isn't a dog, it's a box," replies the old man. "Oh, I'm sorry," says the policeman, "I thought you were a bit touched." The old man walks past the cop, then turns to his box, and says, "We sure fooled him that time, didn't we, Rover?" ______________________________________________________ WHEN I'M 100, IF I LEAN A LITTLE, JUST LET ME! The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place. Grandma couldn't speak very well, but she could write notes when she needed to communicate. After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the right, so some family members grabbed her straightened her up, and stuffed pillows on her right. A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left. Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again grabbed her, then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up. A grandson, who arrived late, came up to Grandma and said, "Hi, Grandma, you're looking good! How are they treating you?" Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the grandson: "They won't let me fart." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ From Bausell Sailor: 2 Chinese Burglars> _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Brian Roberto Varela, 19 Lynnwood, Washington Man raped teen as she died from overdose, texted 'LOL' to friends A 19-year-old Washington state man, who police say raped a high school student as she died from a drug overdose and texted semi-nude photos of her, has been charged with manslaughter. Brian Roberto Varela of Lynnwood was also charged Friday in Snohomish County Superior Court with second-degree rape and controlled substance homicide in the death of 18-year-old Alyssa Mae Noceda. According to court documents, Varela told detectives that Noceda snorted Percocet and also ingested liquid marijuana before collapsing in his room the previous weekend. Authorities say Varela never sought help for Noceda, instead sending semi-nude photos of her to friends and texting “LOL, I think she od’d, still breathing.” Authorities say his co-worker contacted police Tuesday after Varela said he didn’t know if Noceda was still alive when he was having sex with her. Court records say he told a friend that “she died having sex with me.” Police arrested Varela later that day after executing a search warrant and finding Noceda’s body in a plastic crate at the suspect’s home. Varela told investigators he planned to bury Noceda with onions to minimize the odor, police said. He also told detectives that after Noceda died, he used her thumb to unlock her phone Feb. 4 and send messages to make it appear she had run away. Friends of Noceda, a student at Mariner High School, held a vigil for her on Friday with more than 100 people taking part, including her mother. “The night that she left, she told me, she said, ‘Mom, I love you,’” said Gina Pierson. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Libby Re: Not getting subscription Dear Webby, the web site and read the Humor Letter so that I wouldn't miss anything. Thanks for making that option available to your readers. If you can give me any other options to check it would be greatly appreciated. Your Fan Always, Libby libby*****@bellsouth.net|Libby|humor That tells me that your subscription has been sent to you today and every day. Well, it has been sent TOWARDS you. Once it has entered the server of Bellsouth.net, there is nothing more that I can do about it. If your probems with Bellsouth persist, just get a gmail address. You can set your gmail address to forward a copy to your bellsouth address. That will help you pinpoint exactly where the problem is. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Thanks to Sandie for this story: A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon. Four worms were placed into four separate jars. The first worm was put into a container of alcohol. The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup. The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil. At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results: The first worm in alcohol - Dead. The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead . Third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead . Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive. So the Minister asked the congregation - What can you learn from this demonstration? Maxine, who was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said, "As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Thanks to Allen for this story: Before our daughter went off to college, our family took a vacation in Colorado. So we flew to Denver and rented a car. We visited the Royal Gorge Bridge, which is more than 1000 feet above the Arkansas River. Walking out onto the bridge, I noticed it swaying in the wind. Then a car went past us, and the wood-plank roadway moved beneath my feet. "I don't think I want to drive the car across this bridge," I finally said. "What are you worried about?" our daughter replied. "It's a rental." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Tote Bag Made from a Dog Food Bag By KIM HOGGAN [76 Posts, 130 Comments] Create a pretty tote bag from a dog food bag, in just a few simple steps. Tote Bag Made from a Dog Food Bag By KIM HOGGAN [76 Posts, 130 Comments] Guide Making a Tote Bag from a Dog Food Bag Total Time: 1/2 hr. or more depending on sewing speed or if using duct tape instead Supplies: dry dog or cat food bag scissors big thick needle with thick thread or duct tape if those aren't available hot glue gun to glue on ornaments or use stickers and paint Steps: Get any size dry dog or cat food bag. Cut the top off and empty. Turn bag inside out. Cut another strand off. That will become the two handles. (I think she means a one inch wide strip of material off the top, then cut the loop at each side crease so that you get 2 strips) Cut both ends so they measure equally. Fold about an inch over inward and make a crease all around top of tote. Sew or apply duct tape all around top edge. Fold over bottom of handles about 1/2 inch and sew before sewing onto tote. Otherwise again use duct tape if you can't or don't know how to sew. Sew handles a few inches away from the ends. Lastly use a glue gun to glue on ornaments, apply stickers, or paint your tote! :) Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com I used to make dogsled bags from the big 50 lb bags, but put thin yellow rope into the top roll-over, and use that as a drawstring. No electricity in the bush there in the 70`s, so I used a hand crank Singer. Worked quite well. They are very slippery on snow, though! Be careful where you set them down, or you will be chasing them! Have FUN! DearaWebby ____________________________________________________ A guy came home to his wife and said to her: "Guess what? I've found a great job. A 10 am start, 2 pm finish, no over- time, no weekends and it pays $600 a week!" "That's great," his wife said. "Yeah, I thought so too," he agreed. "You start Monday."
Some of Buster Keaton’s Most Amazing Stunts
One day our Little niece Rita, went up to her mother and asked, "Mom, where did I come from?" My sister in law stammered a bit, but finally got her composure. She thought it was time her daughter knew the facts of life. So, she told Little Rita how the expression of love resulted in the beginning of life, how life developed in the womb and finally how a child was born. As my sister in law gave the whole story, Rita's eyes got wider and wider. When She was finished, Little Rita said "Wow, that's really neat. That sure better than what Uncle Rusty told me. He said that he came from Toronto." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, February 17, in
1817 The first gaslit streetlights appeared on the streets of
Baltimore, MD. 

1865 Columbia, SC, burned. The Confederates were evacuating and the
Union Forces were moving in. 

1876 Julius Wolff was credited with being the first to can sardines. 

1878 In San Francisco, CA, the first large city telephone exchange
opened. It had only 18 phones. 

1924 Swimmer Johnny Weissmuller set a world record in the 100-yard
freestyle. He did it with a time of 57-2/5 seconds in Miami, FL. 

1933 Blondie Boopadoop married Dagwood Bumstead three years after Chic
Young’s popular strip first debuted. 

1934 The first high school automobile driver’s education course was
introduced in State College, PA. 

1944 During World War II, the Battle of Eniwetok Atoll began. U.S.
forces won the battle on February 22, 1944.

1947 The Voice of America began broadcasting to the Soviet Union. 

1992 In Milwaukee, serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer was sentenced to life
in prison. In November of 1994, he was beaten to death in prison. 

1995 Colin Ferguson was convicted of six counts of murder in the
December 1993 Long Island Rail Road shootings. He was later sentenced
to a minimum of 200 years in prison. 

1996 World chess champion Garry Kasparov beat the IBM supercomputer
"Deep Blue" in Philadelphia, PA. 

1997 Pepperdine University announced that Kenneth Starr was leaving
the Whitewater probe to take a full-time job at the school. Starr
reversed the announcement four days later. 

2018  smiled.

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Rio Carnival 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, February 16
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

From Cesar:

Carnival in Rio

You have NEVER seen anything like that!
Makes New Orleans Mardi Gras look like a brief fart in the dark by
They have quarter mile long floats, many hundreds of beautiful dancers
dressed in jewels, jet size animated eagles and dragons, Greek
mythical figures like Neptune rising on a water jet, and so on.

The US float, just for an example has Lincoln reciting his 4 score
speech, the revolutionary war with a few dozen canons, and so on.
It will totally blow your mind.

Dont look at it when you are in a hurry! The whole parade is about an
hour long.

Thanks, Cesar!!!!!!

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Men from Sturgeon Bay arrested with 3 assault 
rifles in Homestead High Scool parking lot

Today, February 16 in
1804 A raid was led by Lt. Stephen Decatur to burn the U.S. Navy
frigate Philadelphia. The ship had been taken by pirates. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted. --- Steven Wright (1955 - ) I've wrestled with reality for 35 years, Doctor, and I'm happy to state I finally won out over it. --- Mary Chase (1887 - 1973) I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting. --- Ronald Reagan (1911 - 2004) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ After being married for twenty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her. He looked at her for a while, and then said, “You’re A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K.” She asked, “What does that mean?” He said, “Amazing, Bright, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Fantastic, Gorgeous, Hot.” She felt very happy and said, “Oh my dear, that’s so lovely. What about I, J, K?” He said, “I’m Just Kidding!” "GONG" said the cast iron frying pan. ______________________________________________________ A Chinese guy goes into a Jewish-owned establishment to buy black bras, size 38. The Jewish store keeper, known for his skills as a businessman, says that black bras are rare and that he is finding it very difficult to buy them from his suppliers. Therefore he has to charge $50.00 for them. The Chinese guy buys 25 pairs. He returns a few days later and this time orders fifty. The Jewish owner tells him that they have become even harder to get and charges him $60.00 each. The Chinese guy returns a month later and buys the store's remaining stock of 50, and this time for $75.00 each. The Jewish owner is somewhat puzzled by the large demand for black size 38 bras and asks the Chinese guy; "Please tell me - What do you do with all these black bras?" The Chinese guy answers: "I cut them in half and sell them as skull caps to Jewish men for $200.00 each." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Intimidator 305, 90 miles per hour, Kings Dominion Park, Virginia _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Red Skelton's Marriage Tips: 1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays. 2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California , and mine is in Texas . 3. I take my wife everywhere.... but she keeps finding her way back. 4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. 'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said. So I suggested the kitchen. 5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. 6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said 'There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!' So I bought her an electric chair. 7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, 'In the lake.' 8. She got a mud pack, and looked great for two days! . Then the mud fell off. 9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, 'Am I too late for the garbage?' The driver said, 'No, jump in!' 10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce. 11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. 12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her. 13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, 'What's on the TV?' I said, 'Dust!' _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Willard Hartman, 19, Benjamin Krohn, 19, Sturgeon Bay, Wisconsin Men from Sturgeon Bay arrested with 3 assault rifles in Homestead High Scool parking lot Two men, 19, from Sturgeon Bay, were arrested Saturday, Feb. 10 for possession of narcotics and firearms, including three assault rifles on the campus of Homestead High School -- according to a letter from the Mequon-Thiensville School District Superintendent Matthew Joynt. Willard Hartman faces 11 charges: Possession of narcotic drugs Possession of a firearm on the grounds of a school (five counts) Carrying a concealed weapon (five counts) Benjamin Krohn faces 14 charges: Possession of narcotic drugs Carrying a concealed weapon Possession of a firearm on the grounds of a school (five counts) Carrying a concealed weapon (five counts) Possession of THC Possession of drug paraphernalia According to that letter, Mequon police pulled over the men's vehicle in the Homestead High School parking lot after an officer spotted the vehicle making an illegal U-turn on Mequon Rd. The men said they were in Mequon "because they had a friend on the Sturgeon Bay basketball team participating in a basketball tournament being held at the high school." Superintendent Joynt said in his letter to parents: "While it is unsettling to know that strangers were on our campus over the weekend with guns, they were not targeting anyone here or targeting our school." Hartman was driving, prosecutors say, and Krohn was the front-seat passenger. Hartman told investigators they were at Homestead watching a basketball game "and he did not see the no U-turn sign." While investigating, an officer noted a strong odor of burnt marijuana coming from the vehicle and Krohn "stated he had marijuana," according to the complaint. Krohn was searched and a baggie with a small amount of a green, leafy substance believed to be marijuana was found in his jacket pocket, along with brass knuckles, which Krohn said he "uses for protection." The complaint says "an unlocked Taurus handgun" was found on the floorboard behind the driver's seat, and inside the case, an officer found "a Taurus 1911 45 ACP and a magazine with six rounds of .45 caliber ammunition." In the trunk, officers found an AK-47 rifle and a magazine, both empty, an AM-15 rifle with the chamber empty but a 30- round magazine inserted. Additionally, a Glock was found on the front passenger floorboard with a loaded magazine but no rounds in the chamber, and a Kel Tec Sub 2000 was found folded with a magazine next to it in a backpack on the rear passenger floorboard. Prosecutors say investigators found a pill later identified as oxycodone in a baggie inside a duffel bag and four cigar wrappers -- one with the tobacco removed and no paper. They also found a green, leafy substance in the backpack which tested positive for THC. The complaint says Krohn said they'd gone to Homestead to see a friend play basketball and he admitted to smoking marijuana in the parking lot. He said the firearms belonged to him and he "brought them with in case he wanted to trade or sell them to someone." Hartman and Krohn made their initial appearances in court on Feb. 12. Cash bond was set at $5,000. A status hearing was set for March 6. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Lee Re: Links not working Dear Webby, When someone sends me an e-mail with a link,and I click on the link nothing happins.I am a novis on computers. What should I do to correct this problem. Thank you in advance. Lee Dear Lee There could be many reasons for that, but probably you have pop-ups blocked. First try holding down CTRL and double clicking the link. If still nothing happens, then the link probably has a typo in it. Tell whoever sent it to you, that the link does not work. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A man answered his doorbell and greeted a friend who walked in followed by a very large dog. The dog immediately jumped up on the sofa with his muddy feet and proceeded to knock over a lamp and chew on the cushions. The outraged householder began to scold his friend, "Don't you think you should train your dog a little better?" "My dog?" exclaimed the friend, "I thought it was your dog!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Bob has been playing golf for years, and he has the finest equipment, but his technique has never improved a bit. As his friend watched, he teed up at the first hole and promptly drove a brand-new ball into the woods. On the second hole, he drove another new ball into a lake. On the third, he lost a new ball in another part of the woods. "Why don't you use an old ball?" his friend asked. Bob replied: "Where do you buy old balls?" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Felt Fortune Cookies By attosa [526 Posts, 2,812 Comments] The best part of opening a fortune cookie is receiving your paper fortune, so these felt versions can save you from ingesting too many cookies! They can be reused, too, so this is a great craft for Valentine's Day, Chinese New Year, and many other celebrations. Total Time: 45 minutes Yield: 5 fortune cookies Supplies: pieces of felt ring of masking tape pencil scissors pipe cleaners hot glue gun plain white paper pen Steps: Place the ring of masking tape on top of a piece of felt. Trace around the ring with a pencil. Cut out the circle of felt. Repeat with other pieces of felt. Lay a piece of pipe cleaner over the circle and cut it so it's just a bit shorter than the diameter of the circle. Fold the circle in half to make an indentation at the halfway point. Unfold and use the indentation as a guide to lay down a thin line of hot glue all the way across. Lay a piece of pipe cleaner on top of the hot glue. Press down to secure. Repeat with all the circles. While the glue dries, cut out little strips of white paper shorter than the diameter of the felt circles. Handwrite your messages onto the strips of paper. To shape the circle into a fortune cookie, first fold it in half. Angle the two sides toward each other, bending the wire at its halfway point. Flip over to see the puffier side. Gently peel back one flap of the cookie and insert a fortune. Close back up. They are ready to go! Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Fred for this story: Driving with my son for the first time since he got his permit, I was pleased to see how well he was handling the busy road we were traveling. Then, just past a traffic light, the lanes shifted, and he was straddling the dotted line dividing them. "Get into your own lane!" I yelled urgently. He looked at me in bewilderment. "Which one's mine?"
The Intricate Craft of Using Human Hair for Jewelry, Art, and Decoration
Groan Alert: Two keys hang in an undertaker's office - one for the organ in the chapel; the other for one of the cars in the garage. Two small signs above the keys read "Hymn" and "Hearse." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, February 16, in
1804 A raid was led by Lt. Stephen Decatur to burn the U.S. Navy
frigate Philadelphia. The ship had been taken by pirates. 

1857 The National Deaf Mute College was incorporated in Washington,
DC. It was the first school in the world for advanced education of the
deaf. The school was later renamed Gallaudet College. 

1862 During the U.S. Civil War, about 14,000 Confederate soldiers
surrendered to Gen. Ulysses S. Grant at Fort Donelson, TN. 

1868 The Jolly Corks organization, in New York City, changed it name
to the Benevolent and Protective Order of Elks (BPOE). 

1914 The first airplane flight between Los Angeles and San Francisco
took place. 

1918 Lithuania proclaimed its independence. 

1923 Howard Carter unsealed the burial chamber of Egyptian Pharaoh
Tutankhamen. The next day he entered the chamber with several invited
guests. He had originally found the tomb on November 4, 1922. 

1932 The first fruit tree patent was issued to James E. Markham for a
peach tree which ripens later than other varieties. 

1937 Wallace H. Carothers received a patent for nylon. Carothers was a
research chemist for Du Pont. 

1938 The U.S. Federal Crop Insurance program was authorized. 

1945 During World War II, U.S. troops landed on the island of
Corregidor in the Philippines. 

1946 The first commercially designed helicopter was tested in

1948 NBC-TV began airing its first nightly newscast, "The Camel
Newsreel Theatre", which consisted of Fox Movietone newsreels. 

1858 The first ironing board was patented by William Vandenburg and
James Harvey. 

1959 Fidel Castro seized power in Cuba after the overthrow of
President Fulgencio Batista. 

1960 The U.S.S. Triton began the first circumnavigation of the globe
under water. The trip ended on May 10. 

1968 In the U.S., the first 911 emergency telephone system was
inaugurated in Haleyville, AL. 

1970 Joe Frazier began his reign as the undefeated heavyweight world
champion when he knocked out Jimmy Ellis in five rounds. He lost the
title on January 22, 1973, when he lost for the first time in his
professional career to George Foreman. 

1972 Wilt Chamberlain (Los Angeles Lakers) reached the 30,000-point
mark in his NBA career during a game against the Phoenix Suns. 

1985 "Kojak" returned to network television after an absence of seven
years with the CBS-TV special, "Kojak: The Belarus File." 

1987 John Demjanjuk went on trial in Jerusalem. He was accused of
being "Ivan the Terrible", a guard at the Treblinka concentration
camp. He was convicted, but the Israeli Supreme Court overturned the
ruling when tghe real Ivan showed up. 

1989 Investigators in Lockerbie, Scotland, announced that a bomb
hidden inside a radio-cassette player was the reason that Pan Am
Flight 103 was brought down the previous December. All 259 people
aboard and 11 on the ground were killed. 

1999 A bomb exploded at the government headquarters in Uzbekistan.
Gunfire followed the incident. The event apparently was an attempt on
the life of President Islam Karimov. 

1999 Kurds seized embassies and held hostages across Europe following
Turkey's arrest of Kurdish rebel leader Abdullah Ocalan. 

1999 Testimony began in the Jasper, TX, trial of John William King. He
was charged with murder in the gruesome dragging death of James Byrd
Jr. King was later convicted and sentenced to death. 

2002 The operator of a crematory in Noble, GA, was arrested after
dozens of corpses were found stacked in storage sheds and scattered
around in the surrounding woods. 

2005 The Kyoto global warming pact went into effect in 140 nations. 

2005 The NHL announced the cancellation of the 2004-2005 season due to
a labor dispute. It was the first time a major sports league in North
America lost an entire season to a labor dispute.

2018  smiled.

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Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, February 15

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
California killers identified by 19-year-old 
victim’s last words

Today, February 15 in
2002 U.S. President George W. Bush approved Nevada's Yucca Mountain as
a site for long-term disposal of radioactive nuclear waste.
Obama stopped that project, so that the US does not have any long
term storage facility.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ A happy childhood has spoiled many a promising life. --- Robertson Davies Before a war military science seems a real science, like astronomy; but after a war it seems more like astrology. --- Rebecca West ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ BENEFITS OF BEING A WOMAN Taxis stop for us. We'll never regret piercing our ears. We have the ability to dress ourselves. If we forget to shave, no one has to know. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies (you get the point). We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems. ______________________________________________________ With the divorce rate so high in America, a new organization has been formed called, "Marriage Anonymous." Whenever a man feels like getting married, they send over a woman wearing a torn housecoat, with curlers in her hair and cream on her face, and she nags at him for a day. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A sailor, while bringing flowers to a cemetery, noticed an old Chinese man placing a bowl of rice on a nearby grave. The sailor walked up to the man and asked, "When do you expect your friend to come up and eat the rice?" The old Chinese man replied with a smile, "Same time your friend comes up to smell the flowers." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Daniel Gross, Age 19, Modesto, CA Melissa Leonardo, Age 25, Modesto, CA Both suspects are in custody at Santa Rita Jail. California killers identified by 19-year-old victim’s last words Officials have identified two people that were arrested Monday in the brutal stabbing death of 19-year-old Lizette Cuesta in Livermore, California. Daniel Gross and Melissa Leonardo, both of Modesto, are suspected of stabbing Cuesta several times and leaving her body on Tesla Road in Livermore. Cuesta was flown to a nearby hospital, where she died. Investigators say Cuesta used her final words to identify her killers. “This victim really tried to survive, and she fought and she fought,” said Sgt. Ray Kelly with the Alameda County Sheriff’s Office. “The last thing, we believe, that she was able to do was to point us in the direction of the people that killed her. And that’s pretty remarkable.” Richard Loadholt was carpooling to work with three other friends for an early shift at UPS when they found Cuesta. He told KTXL the young woman was in such bad shape he couldn’t make out the color of her hair. “She laid down for almost three minutes at one period, and we told her to get up. She knew she had to get up and I commend that,” he said. Friend Alex Yanez tells KTXL that Cuesta was a very positive woman and a determined skateboarder. “Guys would fall just as hard and not get back up the rest of the day. She would fall and get right back up and try it,” Yanez said. “If she wanted that trick bad enough she would get it.” _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: David Re: gmail Dear Webby, I writing to ask if you could send me a full version of today's picture. I want to set that as my desktop. I also want to tell your subscribers about gmail. I've had gmail since June of 2005 and I haven't missed a single issue of the Humor Letter, or any other correspondence, with gmail. They have plenty of features including tons of storage. The gmail notifier lets me know when I get a new message and their spam blocker sends the spam to another folder so I can decide what I do and do not want to read. It also has an easy way for you to set it up with Eudora or Outlook Express or any other email reader. I've had hotmail and yahoo email accounts but gmail is the best I've used. David Dear David The big picture is at http://webby.com/humor/i/BeMyValentine-L.jpg You can usually get the big picture by clicking on it. And I will gladly feature your comment about gmail. I had the same good experience with it. I mainly use it to test HOW the Humor Letter looks on gmail, and gmail has worked fine every day. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Groan Alert! While handing a 25 cent-off coupon to the supermarket clerk at the checkout counter, a woman inadvertently missed her hand, and the coupon slipped beneath the scale and was gone. The checker looked distressed, so the woman said, "That's Okay, it's in coupon heaven now." "Coupon heaven?", the checker said. "Yes", the woman said, "That's where coupons go when they die." "Only the redeemed ones!", said the checker.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
An automobile salesman was pleasantly bewildered when he sold a new car to a little old lady, some 75 years of age, who had previously resisted his sales pitch. Elated over his success, he asked her, as he was filling out the necessary papers, what had finally made her choose his car. "Well," she said, "I visited four dealers and mentioned your car to all of them. They all agreed on one thing - that your car has the fastest depreciation of all the cars on the market. That was good enough for me." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Sawdust Floor Sweeping Compound Use this recipe to help keep dust down when sweeping your basement garage or workshop. Mix 6 cups sawdust, 2 cups rock salt, and 1 1/2 cups mineral oil and put it in a jar with a lid for storage. To use, sprinkle it on your floor before sweeping. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Although he was a qualified meteorologist, a local broadcaster ran up a terrible record of forecasting for the TV news program. He became something of a local joke when a newspaper began keeping a record of his predictions and showed that he'd been wrong almost three hundred times in a single year. That kind of notoriety was enough to get him fired. He moved to another part of the country and applied for a similar job. One blank on the job application called for the reason for leaving his previous position. In the blank he wrote quite honestly, "The climate didn't agree with me."
Light pillars over Moncton, New Brunswick, Canada
The Pope is visiting Washington, DC and President Trump takes him out for an afternoon on the Potomac sailing on the Presidential yacht. They're admiring the sights when, all of a sudden, the Pope's hat (zucchetto) blows off his head and out into the water. Secret service guys start to launch a boat, but President Trump waves them off, saying, "Wait, wait. I'll take care of this. Don't worry." Trump then steps off the yacht onto the surface of the water and walks out to the Holy Father's little hat, bends over and picks it up, then walks back to the yacht and climbs aboard. He hands the hat to the Pope amid stunned silence. The next morning the headlines on CNN and in the AOL/New York Times, Boston Globe, Milwaukee Sentinel-Journal, Minneapolis Tribune, Denver Post, Albuquerque Journal, Los Angeles Times and the San Francisco Chronicle proclaim: "Trump Can't Swim", followed by numerous pages of what every Democratic politician has to say about that. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, February 15, in
1758 Mustard was advertised for the first time in America. 

1764 The city of St. Louis was established. 

1799 Printed ballots were authorized for use in elections in the state
of Pennsylvania. 

1842 Adhesive postage stamps were used for the first time by the City
Dispatch Post (Office) in New York City. 

1879 U.S. President Hayes signed a bill that allowed female attorneys
to argue cases before the U.S. Supreme Court. 

1898 The USS Maine sank when it exploded in Havana Harbor for unknown
reasons. More than 260 crew members were killed.

1900 The British threaten to use natives in their war with the Boers. 

1903 Morris and Rose Michtom, Russian immigrants, introduced the first
teddy bear in America. 

1933 U.S. President-elect Franklin Roosevelt escaped an assination
attempt in Miami. Chicago Mayor Anton J. Cermak was killed in the

1942 During World War II, Singapore surrendered to the Japanese. 

1961 A Boeing 707 crashed in Belgium killing 73 people. 

1962 CBS-TV bought the exclusive rights to college football games from
the National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA) for a figure of

1965 Canada displayed its new red and white maple leaf flag. The flag
was to replace the old Red Ensign standard. 

1982 During a storm, the Ocean Ranger, a drilling rig, sank off the
coast of Newfoundland. 84 men were killed. 

1985 The Center for Disease Control reported that more than half of
all nine-year-olds in the U.S. showed no sign of tooth decay. 

1989 After nine years of intervention, the Soviet Union announced that
the remainder of its troops had left Afghanistan. 

1991 The leaders of Czechoslovakia, Hungary and Poland signed the
Visegard agreement, in which they pledged to cooperate in transforming
thier countties to free-market economies. 

1995 The FBI arrested Kevin Mitnick and charged him with cracking
security in some of the nation's most protected computers. He served
five years in jail. 

2002 U.S. President George W. Bush approved Nevada's Yucca Mountain as
a site for long-term disposal of radioactive nuclear waste.
Obama stopped that project, so that the US does not have any long
term storage facility.

2018  smiled.

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Show pictures in WORD 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, February 14

Happy Valentines Day!

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Car thief called owner for help in starting vehicle

Today, February 14 in
1876 Alexander Graham Bell filed an application for a patent 
for the telephone. It was officially issued on March 7, 1876. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ There is nothing more demoralizing than a small but adequate income. --- Edmund Wilson (1895 - 1972) Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal. --- Albert Camus (1913 - 1960) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ From Donny: Husband’s Text Message: “Honey, car hit me when I was out of the office. Paula brought me to the hospital. They're doing tests and X-rays. I had a blow to my head, very strong, fortunately it did not cause serious injury, but I have three broken ribs, a compound fracture in my left leg and they may have to amputate right foot." Wife’s Response: “Who’s Paula?" ______________________________________________________ A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said, "Now, children, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face." "Yes, sir," the class said together. Then he asked, "Then why is it that while I am standing upright, in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted, "'Cause yer feet ain't empty!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Little Johnny loved surfing the Web, and kept track of his passwords by writing them on Post-it notes. His mother noticed his Disney password was, "MickeyMinnieGoofyPluto," and asked why it was so long. And little Johnny said, "Because, they said it has to have at least four characters." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Edward Leroy Wilson, ST. CLOUD, Minnesota Car thief called owner for help in starting vehicle A thief who had trouble restarting the car he had just stolen actually called the vehicle's owner for help. Edward Leroy Wilson stole the car outside a Minneapolis Walmart on Monday after the owner used an auto-starter from inside the store. When the owner went outside, the car was gone and about an hour away at that time. USA Today reports later that night, the owner received a call from a woman who said a man was asking about the car. Wilson then got on the phone and identified himself as an employee at a glass repair shop. Wilson said he had parked the car, but was unable to restart it and asked the owner to contact someone who could. Police responded to the scene of a suspicious person and found Wilson and the stolen car. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Rob A Re: Hidden Pictures in WORD Dear Webby, I understand from my wife that you answer computer problem questions. She speaks highly of you so I thought I would pose a question that I need answered in the worst way... About a week ago I was putting together a letter in Microsoft Word using many pictures. I had pasted in 9 pictures when I clicked on an item in one of the tool bars and instantly the pictures disappeared and in their place were 9 rectangular outlines the size of each picture. Unfortunately, I cannot recall what I clicked on nor exactly where it is located. I have hunted and hunted through the tools to try to restore the pictures but to no avail. Since then I have tried pasting in new pictures on a new Word "sheet" and guess what I get...a rectangle box instead. The box is composed of four connected perpendicular lines and when I click in the center of the "box" the box disappears and I get eight black dots in it's place. I believe what I originally clicked on was an on/off switch of some kind and all that needs to happen is to click on it again to correct the situation. If you know how to restore my pictures or know of someone who does, please tell me. {I have no desire to contact Microsoft because of their high and mighty attitude.} Thanks for your willingness to help others, Dear Rob Wire frames or placeholders are rarely used while writing, but really speed up scrolling while proofreading books or searching for something in a lengthy e-book or article. To turn the wire frames off and reveal pictures, Click on TOOLS Options View take the checkmark off "Picture Placeholders" hit OK Your pictures will show again. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Two drunks are walking along. One drunk says to the other, "What a beautiful night, look at the moon." The other drunk stops and look at his drunk friend, "You are wrong, that's not the moon, that's the sun." Both started arguing for a while when they come upon another drunk walking so they stopped him. "Sir, could you please help settle our argument? Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that's shining. Is it the moon or the sun?" The third drunk looked at the sky and then looked at them and said, "Sorry, I don't live around here."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
One day a State Trooper was pulling off an expressway near Chicago. When he turned onto the street at the end of the ramp, he noticed someone at a chicken place getting into his car. The driver placed the bucket of chicken on top of his car, got in and drove off with the bucket still on top of his car. So the trooper decides to pull him over and perform a community service by giving the driver his chicken. So he pulled him over, walked up to the car, pulled the bucket off the roof and offered it to the driver. The driver looks at the trooper and says, "No thanks, I just bought some." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Protecting Waxed Floors Prolong the life of waxed floors by using a dust mop instead of a broom. Broom bristles are harder on the wax than a soft dust mop. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Amber Rose for this report: How to Make a Woman Happy It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be: 1. a friend 2. a companion 3. a lover 4. a brother, a father 6. a master 7. a chef 8. an electrician 9. a carpenter 10. a plumber 11. a mechanic 12. a decorator 13. a stylist 14. a sexologist 15. a gynecologist 16. a psychologist 17. a pest exterminator 18. a psychiatrist 19. a healer 20. a good listener 21. an organizer 22. a good father 23. very clean 24. sympathetic 25. athletic 26. warm 27. attentive 28. gallant 29. intelligent 30. funny 31. creative 32. tender 33. strong 34. understanding 35. tolerant 36. prudent 37. ambitious 38. capable 39. courageous 40. determined 41. true 42. dependable 43. passionate 44. compassionate WITHOUT FORGETTING TO: 45. give her compliments regularly 46. love shopping 47. be honest 48. be very rich 49. not stress her out 50. not look at other girls AND AT THE SAME TIME, HE MUST ALSO: 51. give her lots of attention, but expect little himself 52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself 53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes IT IS VERY IMPORTANT: 54. Never to forget: * birthdays * anniversaries * arrangements she makes, no matter whether she tells him about them or not HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY 1. Show up naked 2. Bring food
How would you like to take a vacation here?
An Australian bank officer heard the following explanation for a farmer's money troubles: He said, "It all started back in 1966 when they changed pounds to dollars, me bloomin' overdraft doubled. Then they brought in kilograms instead of pounds and me wool clip dropped by half. Then they changed rain to millimeters and we haven't had a inch of rain since. They brought in Celsius and it never got over 40; no wonder me wheat wouldn't grow. Then they changed acres to hectares and I ended up with half the land I had. By that time, I'd had it and decided to sell out. I got the place in the agent's hands and they changed from miles to kilometers. Now, I'm too far out of town for anyone to buy the stinking place." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, February 14, in
1778 The Stars and Stripes was carried to a foreign port, in France,
for the first time. It was aboard the American ship Ranger. 

1803 Moses Coates received a patent for the apple parer. 

1849 The first photograph of a U.S. President, while in office, was
taken by Matthew Brady in New York City. President James Polk was the
subject of the picture. 

1876 Alexander Graham Bell filed an application for a patent for the
telephone. It was officially issued on March 7, 1876. 

1889 In Los Angeles, CA, oranges began their first trip to the east. 

1899 The U.S. Congress approved voting machines for use in federal

1900 Russia imposed tighter imperial control over Finland in response
to an international petition for Finland's freedom. 

1900 In South Africa, British Gen. Roberts invaded Orange Free State
with 20,000 troops. 

1912 The first diesel engine submarine was commissioned in Groton, CT.

1920 The League of Women Voters was founded in Chicago. The first
president of the organization was Maude Wood Park. 

1929 The "St. Valentine's Day Massacre" took place in Chicago, IL.
Seven gangsters who were rivals of Al Capone were killed. 

1932 The U.S. won the first bobsled competition at the Winter Olympic
Games at Lake Placid, NY. 

1940 The first porpoise born in captivity arrived at Marineland in

1945 Peru, Paraguay, Chile and Ecuador joined the United Nations. 

1946 ENIAC (Electronic Numerical Integrator and Computer) was
unveiled. The device, built at the University of Pennsylvania, was the
world's first general purpose electronic computer. 

1961 Lawrencium, element 103, was first produced in Berkely, CA. 

1962 U.S. First Lady Jacqueline Kennedy gave a tour of the White House
on television. 

1979 Adolph Dubs, the U.S. ambassador to Afghanistan, was kidnapped in
Kabul by Muslim extremists. He was killed in a shootout between his
abductors and police. 

1983 A 6-year-old boy became the first person to receive a heart and
liver transplants in the same operation. 

1985 Cable News Network (CNN) reporter Jeremy Levin was freed. He had
been held in Lebanon by extremists. 

1989 Iran's Ayatollah Khomeini called on Muslims to kill Salman
Rushdie because of his novel "The Satanic Verses." 

1989 The first satellite of the Global Positioning System was placed
into orbit around Earth. 

1989 Union Carbide agreed to pay $470 million to the government of
India. The court-ordered settlement was a result of the 1984 Bhopal
gas leak disaster. 

1997 Astronauts on the space shuttle Discovery began a series of
spacewalks that were required to overhaul the Hubble Space Telescope. 

1998 U.S. authorities officially announced that Eric Rudolph was a
suspect in a bombing of an abortion clinic in Alabama. 

2002 Sylvester Stallone filed a lawsuit against Kenneth Starr. The
suit alleged that Starr had given bad advice about selling Planet
Hollywood stock. 

2003 In Madrid, Spain, a ceramic plate with a bullfighting motif
painted by Pablo Picasso in 1949 was stolen from an art show. The
plate was on sale for $12,400. 

2005 The video-sharing website YouTube was activated.

2018  smiled.

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Screensaver Password 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, February 13

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Indonesian Navy seized over a ton of crystal meth 
that smugglers attempted to disguise in bags of rice

Today, February 13 in
1945 At the end of World War II, Allied aircraft began bombing the
German city of Dresden. Thousabds of bomnbers for three days
reduced the city to rubble. The strategically unimportant city was
filled with refugees from the Russian front, and the idea was that
those refugees would tell the tale of psychologigal warfare throughout
Germany. However, after about 200,000 - 500,000 people had been
killed, there was nobody left to tell the tale. Even 20 years later
most Europeans had not heard about it yet.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The people I distrust most are those who want to improve our lives but have only one course of action. --- Frank Herbert (1920 - 1986) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A missionairy discovered a tribe of Indians in the Amazon who had never recorded a baptism, confirmation or marriage. The missionairy soon rectified the situation by baptizing everyone. He also married every beaming couple that walked by. Later, the tribal chief told the missionairy the tribe had never had so much fun. The missionairy asked the chief which part they enjoyed the most. "The marriage service," the chief said, smiling. "We all got new wives!" ______________________________________________________ A man bought a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. He decided to test it at dinner: Dad: Son, where were you today during school hours? Son: At school (robot slaps the son and he immediately changes his mind) Okay, okay, I went to the movies! Dad: Which one? Son: Harry Potter (robot slaps the son again!) Okay Alright, I was watching porno. Dad: What? When I was your age I didn’t even know what porno is! (robot slaps dad) Mom: Hahahahaha! After all he is your Son! (robot gives Mom a hot dirty slap) _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ In a recent Harris On-line poll 38,562 men across the US were asked to identify woman's ultimate fantasy. 97.8% of the respondents said that a woman's ultimate fantasy is to have two men at once. While this has been verified by a recent sociological study, it appears that most men do not realize that in this fantasy, one man is cooking and the other is cleaning. _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by 4 Indonesian dope smugglers No names, they will be hanged shortly anyway. Indonesian Navy seized over a ton of crystal meth that smugglers attempted to disguise in bags of rice The MV Sunrise Glory was intercepted by a navy boat patrolling the Phillip Channel between Singapore and Batam. It was flying the flag of Singapore but the crew changed it for the Indonesian one as the military vessel approached. When the boat was taken to Batam for inspection, 1,029 kilograms (2268 pounds) of crystal methamphetamine were found stashed inside 41 sacks of rice. Navy deputy chief Vice Admiral Achmad Taufiqoerrochman said ‘Last night we discovered more than one tonne of crystal meth and the amount might increase because we have not finished checking everything.’ Four crew members were arrested and the men told their captors that they had planned on taking the drugs to Australia. Indonesia has some of the toughest anti-drugs laws in the world, including capital punishment for traffickers. Officials initially suspected that the Taiwanese fishing boat was a part of a drug syndicate wanted by the Indonesian military. As well as the huge stash of drugs, at least four different national flags and fake documents were found on board, prompting suspicion that the vessel was a ‘phantom ship’ which changes its name and flag depending on which country’s waters it is sailing in to avoid detection. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Sandie Re: Screensaver password Dear Webby, Can you tell us all how to set up a screen saver password... I can't seem to find the exact spot to do it... My laptop sits unattended a lot, and I don't want anyone to access it while it is not being used.... I am sure a lot of new people would need this info as well. Keep up the great Humor Letter, it is the best on line.... Sandie Dear Sandie If your "on resume, password protect" box n the screen saver set-up window shows "on resume, display welcome screen" box, try this: 1. Log on to the computer as an administrator. 2. Click Start, click Control Panel, and then click User Accounts. 3. Click Change the way users log on or off. 4. Deselect the "Use the Welcome screen" check box, and the 5) Deselect "Use Fast User Switching" check box 6.) Click OK and exit User Accounts. You may have to log off and reboot for the change to become effective. Sometimes you can also set that in the screen saver setup screen. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
John was driving home late one night when he picked up a hitchhiker. As they rode along he began to be suspicious of his passenger. John checked to see if his wallet was safe in the pocket of his coat that was on the seat between them, but it wasn't there! So he slammed on the brakes, ordered the hitchhiker out, and said, "Hand over the wallet immediately!" The frightened hitchhiker handed over a billfold, and John drove off. When he arrived home, he started to tell his wife about the experience, but she interrupted him, saying, "Before I forget, John, do you know that you left your wallet at home this morning?
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A young man finally got a job at the Post Office. He was full of energy and eager to please. The supervisor agreed to work with the new employee, even though he had been warned that he was still immature and knew nothing of the job. The first job the supervisor gives the young man is in sorting, and much to everyone's surprise, the new employee separated the letters so fast that his motions were literally a blur. The supervisor was very pleased and asked the young man to come into his office at the end of the day. He said, "I just want you to know that we are all very proud of you. You're one of the fastest workers we have ever had." The humble young man said, "Thank you, sir. And tomorrow, I'll try to do even better." "Better?" the supervisor asked with astonishment. "How can you possibly do better?" The young man smiled proudly and said, "Tomorrow, I am going to read the addresses." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning the Chimney If you have a fireplace or wood burning stove, it is the time of year to have your chimney cleaned and inspected. Keeping your chimney maintained can help increase the efficiency of your stove and also helps prevent chimney fires. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ When the family car developed a slight knock, the husband asked his wife if she had bought prmium or regular gas, but she couldn't remember. "You probably got the cheaper gas," he said. "That could account for the engine running so rough." "No, the gas wasn't cheaper!" she replied indignantly. "Well, how much did it cost?" asked the husband probingly. "It cost the same as always." said the wife. "I told the man to put in the usual ten dollars worth."
Check out this man's beautiful wood carvings.
The very frugal business manager was checking on the travel expenses of his salesmen, when he began to mutter, then yell. One of the salesmen worked up his courage and came over to ask the boss what was wrong. "Look at this crook's travel expenses," the boss said. "How could he possibly spend forty dollars a day for meals in that small town in Ohio?" "It's easy," explained the salesman cheerfully. "All you have to do is skip breakfast." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, February 13, in
1542 Catherine Howard was executed for adultery. She was the fifth
wife of England's King Henry VIII. 

1633 Galileo Galilei arrived in Rome for trial before the Inquisition.

1741 "The American Magazine," the first magazine in the U.S., was
published in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. 

1880 Thomas Edison observed what became known as the Edison Effect for
the first time. The "Edison effect" was the name given to a phenomenon
that Edison observed in 1875 and refined later, in 1883, while he was
trying to improve his new incandescent lamp. The effect was that, in a
vacuum, electrons flow from a heated element -- like an incandescent
lamp filament -- to a cooler metal plate.

1900 The Anglo-German accord of 1899 was ratified by Reichstag, in
which Britain renounced rights in Samoa in favor of Germany and the

1914 The American Society of Composers, Authors and Publishers (known
as ASCAP) was formed in New York City. The society was founded to
protect the copyrighted musical compositions of its members. 

1920 The League of Nations recognized the continued neutrality of

1935 In Flemington, New Jersey, a jury found Bruno Richard Hauptmann
guilty of the kidnapping and death of the infant son of Charles and
Anne Lindbergh. Hauptmann was later executed for the crimes. 

1937 The comic strip "Prince Valiant" appeared for the first time. 

1945 At the end of World War II, the Soviets captured Budapest,
Hungary, from the German army. 

1945 At the end of World War II, Allied aircraft began bombing the
German city of Dresden. Thousabds of bomnbers for three days reduced
the city to rubble. The strategically unimportant city was filled with
refugees from the Russian front, and the idea was that those refugees
would tell the tale of psychologigal warfare throughout Germany.
However, after about 200,000 - 500,000 people had been killed, there
was nobody left to tell the tale. Even 20 years later most Europeans
had not heard about it yet.

1955 Israel acquired 4 of the 7 Dead Sea scrolls. 

1960 France detonated its first atomic bomb. 

1965 Sixteen-year-old Peggy Fleming won the ladies senior figure
skating title at Lake Placid, NY. 

1971 South Vietnamese troops invaded Laos. They were backed by U.S.
air and artillery support. 

1984 Konstantin Chernenko was chosen to be general secretary of the
Soviet Communist Party's Central Committee, succeeding the late Yuri

1990 In Ottawa, the United States and its European allies forged an
agreement with the Soviet Union and East Germany on a two-stage
formula to reunite Germany. 

1991 Hundreds of Iraqis were killed by two laser-guided bombs that
destroyed an underground facility in Baghdad. U.S. officials
identified the facility as a military installation, but Iraqi
officials said it was a bomb shelter. 

1997 Astronauts on the space shuttle Discovery brought the Hubble
Space Telescope aboard for a tune up. The tune up allowed the
telescope to see further into the universe. 

1997 The Dow Jones industrial average passed the 7,000 mark for the
first time. The day ended at 7,022.44. 

1999 A bomb exploded just outside a government-owned bank in southern
Kosovo. Nine people were killed. 

2000 Charles M. Schulz's last original Sunday "Peanuts" comic strip
appeared in newspapers. Schulz had died the day before.

2001 El Savador was hit with an earthquake that measured 6.6 on the
Richter Scale. At least 400 people were killed. 

2002 In Alexandria, VA, John Walker Lindh pled innocent to a 10-count
federal indictment. He was charged with conspiring to kill Americans
and aiding Osama bin Laden's terrorist network. 

2002 Former New York mayor Rudolph Giuliani received an honorary
knighthood from Queen Elizabeth II. 

2008 Hollywood writers ended a 100-day strike.

2018  smiled.

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Which instant messenger is the best? 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, February 12

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Woman jailed for helping boyfriend to rape 
schoolgirl twice. He has been jailed too.

Today, February 12 in
1973 The State of Ohio went metric, becoming the first in the 
U.S. to post metric distance signs. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Man is the Only Animal that Blushes. Or needs to. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) First love is a kind of vaccination which saves a man from catching the complaint a second time. --- Honore de Balzac (1799 - 1850) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Captain Martin for this story: Mayday! Mayday! Mayday! This is the transcript of an ACTUAL radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1965. Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision. Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the EAST to avoid a collision. Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course. Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course. Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP. Canadians: We are in a lighthouse on solid rock. Your call. ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Clarissa for this story: A six-year-old boy told his father he wanted to marry the little girl across the street. The father, being modern and well-schooled in handling children, hid his smile behind his hand. "That's a serious step," he said. "Have you thought it out completely?" "Yes," his young son answered . "We can spend one week in my room and the next in hers. It's right across the street, so I can run home if I get scared of the dark." "How about transportation?" the father asked. "I have my wagon, and we both have our tricycles," the little boy answered. The boy had an answer to every question the father raised. Finally, in exasperation, his dad asked, "What about babies? When you're married, you're liable to have babies, you know." "We've thought about that, too," the little boy replied. "We're not going to have babies. Every time she lays an egg, I'm going to step on it!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Mandarin Duck, similar, but not the same as the Wood Duck. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ ENGLISH EDUCATION AT ITS FINEST Following questions and answers were collated from last year's British GCSE exams(16 year olds)! Geography Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar. Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists. Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. Q: What is a planet? A: A body of earth surrounded by sky. Sociology Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on? A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed. Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections? A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election. Biology Q: What happens to your body as you age? A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental. Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes. A: Statistics. Q: What is artificial insemination? A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow. Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? A: Keep it in the cow. Q: What is the most common form of birth control? A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium. Q: Give the meaning of the term *Caesarean Section.- A: The caesarean section is the red light district in Rome. Q: What is a terminal illness? A: When you are sick at the airport Technology Q: What is a turbine? A: Something an Arab wears on his head. Religious Education Q: What is a Hindu? A: It lays eggs. _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Gemma Hill, 33, Stephen Arnopp,40, Hatfield, England Woman jailed for helping boyfriend to rape schoolgirl twice. He has been jailed too. A woman has been jailed after she helped a man to rape a girl under the age of 13 twice. Gemma Hill, 33, exchanged messages with boyfriend, Stephen Arnopp, in which they discussed how he would rape the girl. They were also found to have plotted the rape of a nine year old girl. Arnopp was jailed for 11 years for abusing and twice raping the girl under 13 in Welwyn Garden City, Hertfordshire, and his victim’s underwear was found at his home. Hill, from Hatfield, was jailed for six years because she told the girl not to report the attacks to police. However, the girl told teachers and the authorities were informed. Judge Marie Catterson, who said Hill had an ‘extremely low’ IQ, said the victim had suffered ‘incalculable’ long-terms effects likely to be ‘difficult and profound’ after the pair admitted all charges against them. Sentencing Hill, she said: ‘You were evasive, pretending you knew nothing.’ She said Arnopp’s abuse required ‘sustained and significant planning’ and it was fortunate the pair were arrested before attacking the second girl. The judge made a Sexual Harm Prevention Order banning the pair from contacting the victims and from living in a house or having any unsupervised contact with girls under the age of 18. Both defendants pleaded guilty to the charges against them. Arnopp was given two concurrent 40-month sentences for two counts of conspiracy to commit sexual activity with a child under 13 and was jailed for eight years consecutively for two counts of raping a child under 13. He was also sentenced to one count of inciting and one count of causing a child to engage in sexual activity, receiving four months concurrent to his other sentences and received eight months, also concurrent, for sexual activity with a child under 13. Hill received two concurrent four and a half-year sentences for two counts of conspiracy to commit sexual activity with a child under 13 and a consecutive 18 month sentence for cruelty to a person under 16. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Anton Re: Instant messengers Dear Webby, Which Instant Messenger is best and which one is the safest? Thanks Anton Dear Anton Skype, free from http://skype.com, is by far the Best, and also the safest. Both it's text and also it's Voice over IP phone calls to other Skype users or to regular land line telephones and cellphones are thoroughly encrypted, it's file transfers are smooth and uncomplicated and fast, and it's log is solid and reliable. I have used Instant Messenger programs for business purposes since 94, and for serious business use, there is no other IM program that can match it. Another important consideration is user base. There are always going to be some snooty newbies, who use only the newest, unproven messenger, and demand that you change over to whatever they favor this week. If they are important enough to you, you can always run those beside Skype. Sooner or later they will get fed up with their new and unproven messenger, or the fact, that very few people use it. With Skype you know that it works to any country, and even though the goofs at Microsoft keep messing with the looks, it has been working well for 20 years, and there are Millions of users. You can even call landlines with it and wake somebody up, or do free video conferencing even on slow connections. On fast connections Google Hangout may have occasionally much better video, but if one side has a slow or erratic connection, it is useless, and you have to switch to Skype. I use Skype for tech support for about 20 years now. It works fine. And once a day I do five - ten minutes of video with my dad in Austria. He is 95 and does not like typing anymore, but sitting back and talking and watching on video works very well. We do it his time at 8 PM and my time at noon, every day. Unlike most messenger programs, the Skype window is not nailed down on prime space. You can move it out of the way, even onto a second monitor, and squish it or spread it to whatever size is best at that time. With Skype you don`t have to have a browser open and on a certain page like the thilly and primitive FaceBook messenger. People can call you even if you are working on a spreadsheet or document and have no browser open. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
I'm a chaplain at the County senior citizens' home. The other day I saw a 96-year-old lady knitting a sweater for her granddaughter. "What kind of material are you using?" I asked. "She said, "Virgin wool." "Where do you get that," I asked. "Ugly sheep," she smiled.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Bob, an experienced sky diver, was getting ready for a jump one day when he spotted another man outfitted to dive wearing dark glasses, carrying a white can and holding a seeing-eye dog by a leash. Shocked that the blind man was also going to jump, Bob struck up a conversation, expressing his admiration for the man's courage. Then, curious, he asked, "How do you know when the ground is getting close?" "Easy," replied the blind man. "The leash goes slack." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Herbal Tea Facial Steamer Try this facial steamer to help wash dirt that builds up in your pores. Boil 1/2 quart of water. Then put two chamomile tea bags (or a handful of dried chamomile flowers) in a bowl and pour the boiling water over them. Put one towel under the bowl and another over your head. Lean over the bowl and breath in the chamomile. If it gets too hot, let steam escape by lifting up the towel. Steam your face for 5 to 10 minutes. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Bunny for this: There once was a woman who woke up one morning, looked in the mirror, and noticed she had only three hairs on her head. "Well," she said, "I think I'll braid my hair today." So she did and she had a wonderful day. The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw that she had only two hairs on her head. "H-m-m, " she said, "I think I'll part my hair down the middle today." So she did and she had a grand day. The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that she had only one hair on her head. "Well," she said, "Today I'm going to wear my hair in a pony tail." So she did and she had a fun, fun day. The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that there wasn't a single hair on her head. "YEAH!" she exclaimed, "I don't have to fix my hair today!" Attitude is everything.
People are Awesome! Best of the month (January 2018)
From Mark Dear Webby Thanks for the blog! It makes it so much easier to look up previous days when I come back to the office. Thanks Mark ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, February 12, in
1541 The city of Santiago, Chile was founded. 

1554 Lady Jane Grey was beheaded after being charged with treason. She
had claimed the throne of England for only nine days. 

1733 Savannah, GA, was founded by English colonist James Oglethorpe. 

1870 In the Utah Territory, women gained the right to vote. 

1878 Frederick W. Thayer patented the baseball catcher’s mask. 

1879 The first artificial ice rink opened in North America. It was at
Madison Square Garden in New York City, NY. 

1880 The National Croquet League was organized in Philadelphia, PA. 

1892 In the U.S., President Lincoln's birthday was declared to be a
national holiday. 

1907 A collision of the steamer Larchmont and a schooner resulted in
the death of more than 300 people. The incident occurred off New
England's Block Island. 

1909 The National Association for the Advancement of Colored People
(NAACP) was founded. 

1912 China's boy emperor Hsuan T'ung announced that he was abdicating,
ending the Manchu Ch'ing dynasty. Subsequently, the Republic of China
was established. 

1918 All theatres in New York City were shut down in an effort to
conserve coal for WWI. 

1924 U.S. President Calvin Coolidge made the first presidential
political speech on radio. 

1924 "The Eveready Hour" became radio’s first sponsored network
program. The National Carbon Company was the first sponsor of a
network show. 

1940 Mutual Radio presented the first broadcast of the radio play "The
Adventures of Superman." 

1971 James Cash (J.C.) Penney died at the age of 95. The company
closed for business for one-half day as a memorial to the company's

1973 The State of Ohio went metric, becoming the first in the U.S. to
post metric distance signs. 

1973 American prisoners of war were released for the first time during
the Vietnam conflict. 

1993 In Liverpool, England, a 2-year-old boy, James Bulger, was lured
away from his mother at a shopping mall and beaten to death. Two ten-
year-old boys were responsible. 

1998 A U.S. federal judge declared that the presidential line-item
veto was unconstitutional. 

1999 U.S. President Clinton was acquitted by the U.S. Senate on two
impeachment articles. The charges were perjury and obstruction of

2001 The space probe NEAR landed on the asteroid Eros. It was the
first time that any craft had landed on a small space rock. 

2002 Kenneth Lay, former Enron CEO, exercised his constitutional
rights and refused to testify to the U.S. Congress about the collapse
of Enron. 

2002 The trial of former Yugoslav President Slobodan Milosevic began
at the U.N. tribunal in The Hague. Milosevic was accused of war crimes
during the Balkan wars of the 1990s. 

2002 Pakistan charged three men in connection with the kidnapping of
Wall Street Journal reporter Daniel Pearl in Karachi. 

2002 Princess Stephanie of Monaco and Franco Knie won a defamation-of-
character lawsuit against the Swiss magazine "Facts." The case
involved a photomontage created by the magazine. 

2003 The U.N. nuclear agency declared North Korea in violation of
international treaties. The complaint was sent to the Security

2004 Mattel announced that "Barbie" and "Ken" were breaking up. The
dolls had met on the set of their first television commercial together
in 1961. 

2013 North Korea conducted its third underground nuclear test. 

2018  smiled.

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