Dear Webby: Email for easy picture sending 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  September 15, 2008

An ignorant person is one who doesn't know what you have just found out. --- Will Rogers Time sneaks up on you like a windshield on a bug. --- Jon Lithgow
Heard on a public transportation vehicle while in Orlando: "When you exit this vehicle, please be sure to lower your head and watch your step. If you fail to do so, please lower your voice and watch your language. Thank you."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a flaky Vegetarian in Guetersloh, Germany Pigs traumatized by wacky driver A driver was so upset to see a truckload of pigs being taken to the slaughterhouse that she rammed another pig truck. The vegetarian animal lover swerved on the motorway - and hit another lorry full of live pigs on its way to the same abattoir. "The woman suffered little more than a fright - but we don't know anything about the state of the pigs' emotional health," said a police spokesman in Guetersloh, Germany.
Offerings had been down the past several Sundays and the preacher decided he had to do something to change the trend. The next Sunday, as the plate was being passed he said... "Brothers and Sisters, I don't like to have to do this, but there is a man in the congregation who is having an affair with another parishioner's wife, and if there is not at least five dollars in the collection box, I will reveal his name. Later, as he counted the money he found 50 five dollar bills, and a two dollar bill with a note that read "Forever hold your peace, I'll have that other three dollars before sundown.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Connie Re: Email for sending pictures Hi webby, I think I mentioned some time ago that I was purchasing a new Dell computer and now I'm like to ask a question in regards to the two programs you replied to Oscar, Pegasus and Eudora. I have approximately $100.00 left to pay on it abd since I'm not in business in any form other than killing cancer, would either of the two stated above be a good program for me other than OE... Too many hassels with OE in losing emails, especially when sending pictures to family and friends. After all these years of learning how to do different things with your instructions through reading the daily Tech Support Pits, {and I'm sure I've missed quite a few instructions when being so sick and not on the computer, then automaticallly deleting all when I could feel up to sitting and concentrating for a long perios of time, {I truly appreciate your service that more often than not, is a tremendous help to me}, would the two programs as stated above be a help to me after getting the new computer? I have yet to learn how to send pictures, etc., from My Pictures or My Documents from yahoo instead of the OE program. Sometimes I think some of the programs you discuss to help people with their problems is for either the business person or those far more computer experienced than I. I do hope your day has been great. Connie Dear Connie Yes, sure, both of those are good and reliable. To send pictures with Eudora, there are a few fool proof options. For small pictures, I copy the picture, or a part of it, in Paint Shop Pro or any graphics program, jump back to Eudora and hit CTRL V or SHIFT Insert For large originals, no matter how huge they are, I hit CTRL H to attacH the picture. That opens a little browser and I hunt it down, even if it is on a different hard drive or still on the camera, highlight the picture, and hit the ATTACH button. I can also attach any picture by dragging it from a file explorer window into the top of the mail. I can also drag movies or music from a Skype window into an Eudora letter. Have not used Pegasus since 1993, but as far as I remember, it works pretty well the same as Eudora. Have FUN! DearWebby

The boss ordered one of his men to dig a hole 8-feet deep. After the job was completed the boss returned and explained an error had been made and the hole wouldn't be needed. "Fill 'er up," he ordered. The worker did as he'd been told. But he ran into a problem. He couldn't get all the dirt packed back into the hole without leaving a mound on top. He went to the office and explained his problem. The boss snorted. "Honestly! The kind of help you get these days! There's obviously only one thing to do. You'll have to dig that hole deeper!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080901@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Uses for Old Jeans When jeans are past their prime and not suitable for wearing, you can recycle the fabric to use in craft projects. Denim is durable and great for making quilt blocks, purses, patches or sleeves to hold tools. Visit ThriftyFun For More Craft Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Craft%20Tips_357.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:Share & Compare Your MPG  

Thanks to Susan for this report: The students in my third grade class were bombarding me with questions about my newly pierced ears. "Does the hole go all the way through?" "Yes," "Did it hurt?" "Just a little." "Did they stick a needle through your ears?" "No, they used a special gun." Silence followed, and then one solemn voice called out, "You said, the hole went all the way through. You mean they got both ears with one shot? How far away did they stand?"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Share & Compare Your MPG
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com




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Dear Webby: Replacement for Outlook 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  September 14, 2008

Delusions of grandeur make me feel a lot better about myself. --- Jane Wagner A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies. --- Oscar Wilde A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. --- Milton Berle
It was graduation day and Mom was trying to take a picture of their son in a cap and gown, posed with his father. "Let's try to make this look natural," she said. "Junior, put your arm around your dad's shoulder." The father answered, "If you want it to look natural, why not have him put his hand on my wallet?"

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Hilton Head, South Carolina School administrators Sent in by Walter, the Sonecarver fourth grader suspended for using broken pencil sharpener A 10-year-old Hilton Head Island boy has been suspended from school for having something most students carry in their supply boxes: a pencil sharpener. The problem was his sharpener had broken, but he decided to use it anyway. A teacher at Hilton Head Island International Baccalaureate Elementary School noticed the boy had what appeared to be a small razor blade during class on Tuesday, according to a Beaufort County sheriff's report. It was obvious that the blade was the metal insert commonly found in a child's small, plastic pencil sharpener, the deputy noted. The boy -- a fourth-grader described as a well-behaved and good student -- cried during the meeting with his mom, the deputy and the school's assistant principal. He had no criminal intent in having the blade at school, the sheriff's report stated, but was suspended for at least two days and could face further disciplinary action. ----------------- Police report: http://snipurl.com/3q74s [media_islandpacket_com] Btw., police reported that there was no criminal attempt, and that the kid had a ONE inch long recently sharpened pencil. To me, that would be an indication that the kid did not have the money for a new pencil sharpener, and the situation could and should have been resolved by giving or lending him a working pencil sharpener, and a longer pencil. Now the kid has a record! When he applies for admission to a college or university, he has to answer YES to the question if he has ever been suspended.
Joe walked into his wife's room one day. "If I were disfigured, would you still love me?" he asked her. "Darling, I'll always love you," she said calmly, filing her nails. "How about if I became crippled and couldn't hug you any more?" he asked nervously. "Don't worry, darling, I'll always love you," she told him, buffing her nails. "Well, how about if I lost my job as vice president?" Joe went on, "If I wasn't making six figures any more, would you still love me then?" The woman looked over at her husband's worried face. "Joe, I'll always love you," she reassured him, "but I would really miss you."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Oscar Re: Professional Email Dear Webby We have used Microsoft Outlook for years. I have to admit that it has some nice features, but the inevitable Outlook crashes that take a user's data with it, are just not tolerable in business. With close to hundred employees, there is about one per week who loses all her mail. It's pretty sad if you have to print all the email to keep a trail. I know you favor Eudora, but it is no longer supported. What else do you suggest? We can't use gmail or anything like that, since we need folders for each client, and sub-folders in those for different projects. Oscar Dear Oscar I have used Eudora since '93, and have never had to contact them for support, and neither have any of my employees. I won't let the lack of vendor support hold me back from installing it onto new machines, and one of these days Eudora 8 (Open Source) will come out of Beta and be ready for prime time. There is also good old Pegasus from http://pmail.com It has been stable since 1992, and I don't know of anybody who ever lost any mail with Pegasus. Pegasus is free. With close to 100 employees you are probably pretty close to switching to Linux. Pegasus has a Linux version, allowing you to make a gradual switch and simply put Linux on all new machines. Your employees will still be using Pegasus for mail and productivity won't be affected. Like Eudora, Pegasus will appear "industrial" to users who expect "cutesy", but in a business environment that is definitely not a handicap. Have FUN! DearWebby

A very attractive young lady was sitting in a fine restaurant one night. Waiting for her date as she was, she wanted to make sure everything was perfect. So, as she bends down in her chair to get the mirror from her purse, she accidentally farts quite loudly just as the waiter walks up. Sitting up straight now, embarrassed and red faced, knowing everyone in the place heard her, turns to the waiter and demands "Stop That!" The waiter looks at her dryly and says "Sure lady, which way did you fire it?"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080901@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cherry Tomatoes in a Marinate Salad When making a marinated salad with cherry or grape tomatoes in it, puncture the tomatoes. They will absorb more of the marinade. Visit ThriftyFun For More Food Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Food%20Tips%2 ... o_916.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:  

An incompetent counterfeiter spent all day making his funny money. At the end of the day he realizes he spent all his time making $15 bills. He figures that the only way he's going to get anything from this batch of money, is to find a place where the people aren't too bright and change his phony money for real cash. He travels to a small town in West Virginia and walks into a small Mom and Pop grocery store. He goes to the old man behind the counter and asks him, "Do you have change for a $15 bill?" The old man replies, "Ah shore do...How would you like that? An 8 and a 7 or two 6s and a three?"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Space Station

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby: Icon Text Background 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  September 13, 2008

"The secret of genius is to carry the spirit of the child into old age, which mean never losing your enthusiasm." --- Aldous Huxley "The worst bankruptcy in the world is the person who has lost his enthusiasm." --- H. W. Arnold "Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm." --- Ralph Waldo Emerson "I rate enthusiasm even above professional skill." --- Sir Edward Appleton
The blind farmer was often taken for a walk in the fields by a kind neighbor. However kindly the neighbor might have been, he was undoubtedly a coward. When a bull charged towards them one day, he abandoned the blind man. The bull, puzzled by a lack of fear, nudged the farmer in the back. He turned very quickly, caught the bull by the horns and threw it to the ground with a bump that left it breathless. "Aidan," said the neighbor, "I never knew you were so strong." "Faith, and if I could have got that fella off the handlebars of the bicycle I'd have thrashed him properly."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Joel Beaty, 33, of Jamestown, Tennessee Dopey Dealers JAMESTOWN, Tenn. (UPI) Police in Jamestown, Tenn., said a man and his mother were arrested after they allegedly tried to trade drugs with a uniformed police officer. Investigators said Joel Beaty, 33, apparently called the wrong number when he phoned police dispatch and addressed the dispatcher, an off-duty police officer, as if he were a drug dealer, WBIR-TV, Knoxville, Tenn., reported Tuesday. The officer said Beaty seemed to be under the influence of drugs when he requested that the officer come to a parking lot next to his home and sell him morphine in exchange for other drugs. The dispatch officer said he showed up in uniform to make the trade and Beaty's mother, Joyce, handed her son the drugs he was allegedly planning to trade for the morphine. Beaty and his mother were both charged with delivery of Schedule III drugs. The 33-year-old was also charged with public intoxication.
It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale and an advertisement on the net were the main reasons for the long line that formed in front of the store by 8:30, the store's opening time. A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back amid loud and colorful curses. On the man's second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw and knocked around a bit, then thrown to the end of the line again. As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end of the line: "That does it! If they hit me one more time, I won't open the store!"
At a small parish in rural New England there lived a priest, and several nuns. One day, one of the older nuns was noticing that the rugs in the church were beginning to fray. She went to the priest and told him, "Father, I believe your rugs need to be replaced soon." The priest thanked her for bringing it to his attention, and told her that he thought that she had been there long enough to refer to church property as "our" not "your." Several days later, the same nun noticed that the hedge needed to be trimmed. She again went to the priest and told him, "Father, I've noticed that your...(-and after a stern look from the priest-) I mean OUR hedge needs to be trimmed." The priest thanked her for again bringing something to his attention and this time asked her if she had seen his watch that had gone missing. She said she hadn't, but assured him she would look for it. Another few days passed, and the parish received word that the bishop would be coming for a visit. The whole parish was in an uproar of cleaning, and decorating. On the day the bishop arrived, while the priest was greeting the bishop in front of the church, the same nun came running down the front stairs yelling, "Father, Father, I found your watch!!" The priest, annoyed at the interruption, gave her another one of his "stern looks". "Why yes, Father, Sorry. I found it under OUR bed."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Mark Re: Find owner of a domain Dear Webby Thanks for all your help. How do I get just the fonts under the icons on my desktop instead of the blue that's there now? Always Kitty Dear Kitty Open System Properties in Control Panel, choose the Advanced tab, and click Settings in the Performance section. Turn on the Use drop shadows for icon labels on the desktop option, and click Ok. That's all there is to it. Have FUN! DearWebby

Henry was very old - in fact, he was about to celebrate his eighty-third birthday. He went to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor gave him a thorough going-over, and then said, "For a man who's about to be eighty-three, you're in marvelous shape. But why a physical just a day before your birthday?" The old man explained that that very afternoon he was going to marry an eighteen-year-old girl. The doctor tried with a great deal of effort to dissuade him. "I'm goin' ahead with it no matter what," the old man said. "Got any other suggestions, Doc?" "Just one. If you want a really peaceful marriage, I suggest that you take in a boarder." The old man thought about it and said that it sounded like a good idea. The next time the doctor met the old man it was at a church fund-raising affair, half a year later. The old man came up to him and said, "Doctor, congratulate me! My wife's pregnant!" The doctor tried to maintain his poise, and said, "Well, so at least you followed my good advice and took in a boarder." "Oh, sure," said the old man, with a wicked grin, "and the boarder's pregnant too!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080901@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Protecting Shoes When Painting If you are painting and don't want to get paint on your shoes, cover them with plastic grocery bags and tie around the ankle. Remove the grocery bags when you need to leave the room you are painting and put on the same pair or a new pair if needed before you re-enter the room. Visit ThriftyFun For More Painting Tips Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:  

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their clothes. After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their clothes, and paint in the nude. In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door. "Who is it?", calls one of the women. "Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door. The two women look at each other and shrug, and, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door. "Wow," says the man, "nice to see you! Where do you want these venetian blinds....?"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Koozka pictures
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Find the owner of a domain name 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  September 12, 2008


Today is Friday, time to wear something red
to show your support for the troops!

In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is stoned to death. --- Joan D. Vinge,
Danny said, "I wonder if it's really bad luck to have a black cat cross your path." Jillian said, "That would depend on whether you're a man or a mouse."
Thanks to Sue for sending these picture of a young plover:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Burglar fall down-go splat (09-11) 12:29 PDT SAN FRANCISCO -- A car-burglary suspect fell to his death early today after he climbed over a wall on San Francisco's Telegraph Hill while trying to flee from police, apparently unaware that on the other side of the wall was a 200-foot cliff, authorities said. The incident began at 12:30 a.m. when police received reports of a someone breaking into a car on the unit block of Alta Street near Montgomery Street, east of Coit Tower. Plainclothes officers set up surveillance in the area and spotted the man getting out of an Audi, said police spokesman Sgt. Neville Gittens. Police tried to stop him, but he took off running. At one point, he stumbled and a screwdriver fell out of his pocket, police said. The man jumped over a 3-foot wall at the end of Alta Street and plunged the equivalent of 20 stories. He was pronounced dead at the scene, west of Sansome Street.
A young man was delighted to finally be asked home to meet the parents of the young woman he'd been seeing for some time. He was quite nervous about the meeting, though, and by the time he arrived punctually at the doorstep he was in a state of gastric distress. The problem developed into one of acute flatulence, and halfway through the canapes the young man realized he couldn't hold it in one second longer without exploding. A tiny fart escaped. "SPOT!" called out the young woman's mother to the family dog, lying at the young man's feet. Relieved at the dog's having been blamed, the young man let another, slightly larger one go. "Spot!" she called out sharply. "I've got it made," thought the fellow to himself. One more and I'll feel fine. So he let loose a really big one. "Spot!" shrieked the mother. "Get over here before he craps on you!"
A hat was passed around a church congregation to take up an offering for the visiting minister. Presently it was returned to him...embarrassingly empty. Slowly the parson inverted the hat and shook it meaningfully. Then raising his eyes heavenward, he exclaimed, "I thank you, Lord, that I got my hat back from this congregation."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Mark Re: Find owner of a domain Hi Webby Would you know how to find out who owns a domain name? Friend of mine tried to get her name albeit found out it is registered. Doesn't know who actually owns it. Appreciate all the insights you share. Mark Dear Mark The easiest is probably http://dnsstuff.com Or tell me what name she is interested in. I am one of the sharpest consultants in that field, and can probably find a suitable name that is available. The more details about what she plans to do, the closer a match I can find. I can also help her avoid bad names like whorepresents.com that belongs not to whore presents, but to who represents; or expertsexchange.com which has nothing to do with sex change of experts; or therapistfinder.com, apparently not for finding the rapist, but therapists; or speedofart.com, which has not much to do with farts in speedos, and so on. A domain name can make or break a business, and the selection of a domain name should of a domain name should not be taken lightly. Have FUN! DearWebby

My Uncle Joe was arrested for selling home-stilled whiskey. His lawyer put him on the stand and asked the jurors to look carefully at his client. "Now, ladies and gentleman of the jury," concluded the lawyer, "you've looked carefully at the defendant. Can you sit there in the jury and honestly believe that if my client had a quart of whiskey he would sell it?" He was acquitted.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080901@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Memory Aid: Changing What's Familiar In order to remember a one-time thing, I take my wedding ring or watch off and put it on the opposite hand. It is so irritating to have it on the wrong hand that I keep reminding myself why it is there. Visit ThriftyFun For More Memory Tricks http://www.thriftyfun.com/Organizing_Me ... 9_691.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:  

Upon her engagement the exuberant young woman went to her mother and said, "I've found a man just like father!" Her mother replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Netherlands Pictures - The Hague
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Removing Google Suggestions 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  September 11, 2008


Thanks to the soldiers who keep the barbarians 
busy on their own turf instead of here!



Never explain--your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway. --- Elbert Hubbard Insanity in individuals is something rare - but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule. --- Friedrich Nietzsche
Thanks to Jai for this story: Two bowling teams charter a double-Decker bus for a weekend trip to Louisiana. The A team rode on the bottom of the bus, and the B team rode on the top level. The A team down below really whooped it up, having a great time, when one of them realized she hadn't heard anything from the B team upstairs. She decided to go up and investigate. When she reached the top, she found all the B team members in fear, staring straight ahead at the road, clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles. So she asked, "What the heck's going on up here? We're having a great time downstairs!" One of them looked up at her, swallowed hard and whispered... " YEAH, BUT YOU'VE GOT A DRIVER!?!"
Thanks to Sandie for sending these pictures: Okie cattle hauler. He bought a bull in Kansas... hauled it to Tulsa, OK.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to kidnappers in Tampa, Florida Texting Allows Kidnap Victim To Turn The Tables On Kidnappers Tuesday September 9, 2008 CityNews.ca Staff Kidnapping is a heinous and heartless crime that sometimes results in the death of the person being held for ransom. But in a strange twist in a case in Florida, it was the victim who emerged unscathed after violently turning the tables on his abductors. Police in Tampa, Florida are still trying to figure out exactly what happened after a man was taken from a local hotel at gunpoint Sunday and forced into a waiting car. The kidnappers apparently believed the victim could lead them to another man they had a dispute with over some stolen coins. So when the trio drove off with their reluctant hostage, he knew he had to look for any break to get away. But he never expected the one that came. Cops say one of the abductors in the back seat temporarily put down his gun so he could send a text message on his cell phone. Without hesitating, the victim picked up the loaded weapon, shot the man next to him and then fired a series of rounds at the other abductor in the front seat. He then put the barrel to the head of the driver and ordered him to stop the car. The victim got out and ran, immediately calling 911 and sending police racing to the scene. Meanwhile, the only uninjured kidnapper drove to a nearby fast food restaurant. When employees there saw two men in the car bleeding and badly wounded, they called authorities as well, and the driver was soon taken into custody. The man who sent the text message was dead while the other suspect was wounded but alive and remains in hospital. The survivors are expected to be charged with kidnapping. The victim wasn't hurt and police are trying to sort out all the bizarre details.
A man goes to a doctor for a routine physical. The nurse starts with the basics. "How much do you weigh?" she asks. "Oh, 'bout One-sixty-five." he says. The nurse puts him on the scale. It turns out that his weight is 187. The nurse asks, "Your height?" "Oh, 'bout six feet," he says. The nurse checks and sees that he's only 5 feet 8 3/4 inches. She then takes his blood pressure, and it's very high. "High!" The man explains, "Of course it's high. When I came in here, I was tall and lanky. Now, durnit, I'm short and fat!"
Rabbi Mendel was one day walking along a very narrow street, when he came face to face with a rival Rabbi. The street was too narrow for the two to pass. The rival, pulling himself up to his full height, said haughtily: . . . "I never make way for fools " Smiling, Rabbi Mendel stepped aside and said, . . ."I always do."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Nita Re: Google "suggestions" Dear Webby, Thank you for all your excellent computer advice daily. What search engine do you use? I have used Google for years but do not like their list of filled in names when I go to type in a subject. Google just starting doing this & you cannot delete their lists. If you accidentally click on one of their subject you get spam from that outfit. Thanks again for all you help. Nita Dear Nita 1. Click the Settings button on your Toolbar. 2. Select Options from the drop-down menu. 3. Click the Search Box Settings button. 4. Deselect the 'Suggest popular searches' checkbox. 5. Click the OK button. Have FUN! DearWebby

Some time ago, there was this artist, who worked from a studio in his home. He specialized in nudes, and had been working on what he thought would be a masterpiece for several months now. As usual, his model reported, and after exchanging the usual greetings and small talk, she began to undress for the day's work. He told her not to bother, that he felt pretty bad with a cold he had been fighting. He added that he would pay her for the day, but that she could just go home; he just wanted some hot tea and then, off to bed. The model said, "Oh, please, let me fix it for you. It's the least I can do." He agreed and told her to fix herself a cup too. They were sitting in the living room just exchanging small talk and enjoying their tea, when he heard the front door open and close, then some familiar footsteps. "Oh darn!!!" he whispered loudly, "It's my wife! Quick!!! Take all your clothes off."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080901@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Kitchen Time Saver - Quick Stir Fry You can reduce the time it takes to stir fry slow cooking vegetable like carrots and broccoli by blanching them. You can also reduce the cooking time by cutting them thinly. Just be sure to cut all your veggies and as uniformly as possibly so they cook evenly. Visit ThriftyFun For More Cooking Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Food%20Tips%2 ... 6_930.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:  

A couple of hunters are out in the woods in the deep south when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, and his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm and soothing voice, says, "Alright, take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is silence, and then a gun shot is heard. The hunter comes back on the line. "OK. Now what??"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Mixed Photo Slide Show
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Trend Micro locks up customer's PCs 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  September 10, 2008

Incompetents invariably make trouble for people other than themselves. --- Larry McMurtry Our lives improve only when we take chances - and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves. --- Walter Anderson
Thanks to Lillemor for this report: When the impending threat of hurricane Gustav was heading to Louisianna, the Governor of Louisiana issued a mandatory evacuation of New Orleans and the surrounding areas. In response to this order the Governor of Texas ordered the demolition of all bridges between the two states. Texas figured it would be cheaper to rebuild the bridges.
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Trend Micro Flawed Trend Micro antivirus update cripples PCs It quarantines critical Windows files, prevents booting of some XP, Vista machines September 8, 2008 (Computerworld) Antivirus updates issued by Trend Micro Inc. on Friday crippled Windows XP and Vista PCs when they mistook several critical system files for malware, and blocked access to those files. Some users have yet to regain control of their PCs, according to e-mail sent to Computerworld. Two signature updates that Trend Micro released Friday for its most popular consumer security software incorrectly identified up to eight different Windows files as Trojans, then quarantined those files, thinking they were dangerous. The updates were issued to users running Trend Micro's AntiVirus plus AntiSpyware 2008, Internet Security 2008 and Internet Security Pro 2008. Quarantining the files prevented the PC from booting. his isn't the first time that Trend Micro has pushed a malicious signature update to its customers. In April 2005, the company issued a buggy definition file that locked up Windows XP machines, most of them owned by Japanese users, as the software consumed 100% of the processor's cycles. Last year, an antivirus signature released by rival Symantec Corp. knocked out thousands of Chinese PCs by falsely labeling two Windows .dll files as malware, preventing users from booting their computers. http://snipurl.com/3otoo [www_computerworld_com]
A priest and a minister are standing by the road, pounding a sign into the ground. The sign reads: "The End is Near! Turn Yourself Around Now Before It's Too Late!" A car speeds past them, the driver yelling, "Leave us alone, you religious nuts!" There is the sound of screeching tires followed by a big splash. The priest turns to the minister and asks, "Do you think the sign should just say 'Bridge Out?'"
A flat-chested woman was delighted when her fairy-god mother said her breasts would increase in size each time a man says, "Pardon" to her. She walked down the sidewalk, accidentally bumped into a man and he said, "Pardon me." Her breasts instantly grew an inch and she was ecstatic. The next day, she bumped into a man in the grocery store, he begged her pardon and another inch was added to her breasts. She was in seventh heaven! She walked into a Chinese restaurant,colided with a waiter who bowed and said, "A thousand pardons for my clumsy behavior." The next day, the headline in the local newspaper says, "Chinese Waiter Crushed to Death!"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ross Re: Use old PC for backup Dear Webby, I've got an old computer that's seen it's better days, and was wondering if it would be as simple as hooking up a USB cable to extract files on it, and then using it for a backup? Sounded a little to simple to do it that way so figured I ask, and see if it really is. Thanks for all you do, Ross Dear Ross Yes, sure you can network the machines, but simply using the old machine's drive in a USB drive case is easier on your electrical bill and saves desk space. No need for another computer, monitor and keyboard. No need to run that machine, if all you want is it's drive. Just get a USB hard drive case for 4"x6" drives and pop the drive from the old machine into it. As soon as you plug that into the USB port, you see the extra drive n the new machine. Have FUN! DearWebby

A police car pulls up in front of grandma Sarah's house, and grandpa Morris gets out. The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the park ... and couldn't find his way home. "Oy Morris," said grandma, " You've been going to that park for over 30 years! So how could you get lost?" Leaning close to grandma, so that the policeman couldn't hear. Morris whispered, "Lost I wasn't.....just too tired to walk home I was."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080901@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com File Away Warranties and Manuals When you buy a new product, create a file folder for the warranty information and manual. If you dispose of the box, be sure to cut off the UPC code and file that too. If there is a problem, you will know exactly where the warranty information is. Visit ThriftyFun For More Organizing Paperwork Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Organizing_Pa ... 9_695.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:  

Walking down main street in a *very* rural West Virginia town, two local men met a Catholic nun who's arm was in a sling. "What's wrong with your arm, sister?" asked one local bubba. "It's broken in three places," the nun replied. "How did it happen?" asked the second West Virginian, now wide eyed. "I slipped in a bathtub," answered the nun. After leaving, the first local man asked the other, "Bubba, what's a bathtub?" "Heck, I don't know," said his friend, "I ain't no Catholic!"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Hair hats
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby: Best XP Antivirus 2008 remover 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  September 9, 2008

In America, through pressure of conformity, there is freedom of choice, but nothing to choose from. --- Peter Ustinov
Thanks to Gloria for this story: Two 90-year-old women, Rose and Barb, had been friends all of their Lives. When it was clear that Rose was dying, Barb visited her every day. One Day Barb said, 'Rose, we both loved barrel racing all our lives, and we rode Until we could hardly walk. Please do me one favor: When you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's barrel racing there.' Rose looked up at Barb from her deathbed, 'Barb, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favor for you.' Shortly after that, Rose passed on. At midnight a couple of nights later, Barb Was awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a Voice calling out to her, 'Barb, Barb.' 'Who is it?' asked Barb, sitting up Suddenly. 'Who is it?' 'Barb -- it's me, Rose.' 'You're not Rose. Rose just died.' 'I'm telling you, it's me, Rose,' insisted the voice. 'Rose! Where are you?' 'In Heaven,' replied Rose. 'I have some really good news And a little bad news.' 'Tell me the good news first,' said Barb. 'The Good news,' Rose said, 'is that there's barrel racing in Heaven. Better Yet, all of our horses who died before us are here, too. Some of us are here as riders, and some as horses. Better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always summer, and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can ride all we want, and our horses never get tired.' 'That's fantastic,' said Barb.. 'It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's the bad news?' 'You're running Friday.'
Thanks to Dad for sending this picture of a Haageocereus piece. Dad cut down some branches off a Haageocereus, that had gotten too big and had gotten a bit lazy about blooming. Then he cut some of those branches into foot long pieces and hung them up outside to dry, because they have a pretty lace sceleton that looks nice as a cover over the dirt in the pots. Two-three months later this one developed a bud, so he brought it into his breakfast nook. Sure enough, the next morning it popped a flower. Truly amazing survival drive!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Antonio Vasquez, 22, of Fresno, California Sent in by Ross Burglar rubs spices on sleeping man, whacks another with a sausage and a dog eats the evidence By Louis Galvan, Fresno Bee Article Launched: 09/08/2008 11:11:25 AM PDT FRESNO, Calif. — A burglar who broke into a home just east of Fresno rubbed spices over the body of one of two men as they slept in their rooms and then used an 8-inch sausage to whack the other man on the face and head before running out of the house, police said. Fresno County Sheriff's Lt. Ian Burrimond, describing the crime as one of the strangest he's ever heard of, said a suspect was found hiding in a nearby field a few minutes later and taken into custody on suspicion of residential robbery. Deputies, he said, had no problem linking the suspect to the crime. "It seems the guy ran out of the house wearing only a T-shirt, boxer shorts and socks, leaving behind his wallet with his ID," Burrimond said. Arrested was Antonio Vasquez, 22, of Fresno. Burrimond said deputies headed to the victims' home near Kings Canyon Road shortly after 8 a.m. Saturday regarding a burglary in progress. The victims, both farmworkers, told deputies they were awakened by a stranger applying spices to one of them and striking the other with a sausage. Both the spices and the sausage, Burrimond said, reportedly were obtained from the victims' kitchen. After the man fled, the victims discovered the home had been ransacked and that some money was taken, Burrimond said. Burrimond said the money was recovered, but that the piece of sausage used in the attack was discarded by the suspect and eaten by a dog. "That's right, the dog ate the weapon," Burrimond said. "I tell you, this was one weird case."
Thanks to Sandie for this story: A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner. He was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited. "I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss' wife and taken illegal drugs. I was appalled, but as the days went on, I knew that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people." Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies for being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk. "I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived," said the politician. "In fact, I had the honor of being the first person to go to him for confession."
Mrs. Jones sent her daughter Silvia to buy some groceries at the market. On the way she met some boys who asked her to climb up a tree and get them some fruit of which she did. She bought the groceries and got back home to her mother. Mrs.Jones: "Why did you take so long?" Silvia: "I met some boys who asked me to climb up a tree and fetch them some fruit." Mrs.Jones: "Silvia, you should know that when boys ask you to climb up a tree, all they want to see is your underwear. You shouldn't have done it." Silvia: "Mother, I know, that's why I took it off before climbing up the tree..."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jerome Re: Best Antivirus 2008 cleaner Dear Webby, The most effective way of removing Antivirus 2008 is to have a professional do it, as there are 127 registry tweaks, and numerous files to clean out, run Hijack and verify all the data, then the most effective of all the scanners in its detection and deletion is A Squared http://snipurl.com/3og2i [www_softpedia_com] . Good piece of software, but once it has done it’s job, remove it, as it becomes a resource hog. Sorry I haven’t been around, but I had gall bladder surgery this week, so I was a little incapacitated. Hey, Have a terrific day. Jerome Dear Jerome Hope you get over the gall bladder hassle soon! That XP Antivirus 2008 sounds like the average professional would be overwhelmed by it! The cleaner you got sounds like an excellent tool! Get well soon and Have FUN! DearWebby

A tourist traveling down a country road in the deep south passes a young boy walking down the road with only one shoe on. The tourist stops the car and asks the boy, "You lose a shoe?" "Nope," the boy replies, "just found one..."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080901@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Check Your Crawl Space If your home has a crawl space, go down and look for bugs and moisture. Be sure to crawl under the bathroom and kitchen and look for watermarks, that's a leak that needs to be fixed. If your floor is insulated, cover every inch of your body, wear goggles and a face mask. Fix any drooping insulation. Visit ThriftyFun For More Home Maintenance Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Home%20Improv ... 4_607.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:  

From Anna Dear Webby, I need that Wheelie Bin joke that you once had. I wheelie need it! Anna Neville the Aborigine had been out of work for a long time and when he was offered the job at the council as a garbage collector he decided to take it up. On his first day things were going great until he arrived at one house and noticed there was no wheelie bin out the front. Neville thought to himself, "I wanna do a good job and not get fired from here but if they find out I missed one house then I will get fired." So he went up to the door and knocked on it. To his surprise it was a fellow Aborigine who answered. Neville breathed a sigh of relief and said to the other bloke, "Where's ya bin?" The man replied, "I bin on 'olidays," Neville then said, "Na, mate, where's ya BIN?" "I bin on 'olidays I tell ya," was the reply. Neville, slightly frustrated, says, "Na, ya f***en idiot. Where's ya Wheelie Bin?" The other bloke looked round to see who might be listening. "Well," he said. "I weally bin in jail but I'm tellin' everyone I bin on 'olidays."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Story of a sign
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Help for removing XP Antivirus 2008 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  September 8, 2008

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus. --- Mark Twain
"So," the woman asked the detective she had hired,"did you trail my husband?" "Yes ma'am. I did. I followed him to a bar, to an out-of-the-way restaurant and then to an apartment." A big smile crossed the womans face,"Aha!! Then I've got him!" she said, bloasting. " Is there any doubt what he was doing?" "No ma'am." replied the sleuth, "It's pretty clear that he was following you, and taking pictures."
Thanks to Deeli for sending this picture of a squirrel outside her window:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and a Darwin Award goes to Carrol Laverne Uitermarkt, 56, of Prairie City, Iowa Suicidal vacuuming One man was seriously injured in an explosion apparently caused by vacuuming gasoline in Des Moines on Monday afternoon. Carrol Laverne Uitermarkt, 56, of Prairie City, was taken to Mercy Medical Center in Des Moines. Police said Ralph Touch and Uitermarkt were using gasoline to clean the basement floor at 5805 New York Avenue. Touch told officers they would put a small amount of gasoline on the floor and then suck it up with a Shop-Vac. Touch told officers they were almost finished with the floor and the Shop-Vac was nearly full of gas when the explosion occurred shortly before 2 p.m. Touch was standing outside on the east side of the house at the time of the explosion, police said. A man riding by on his bike at the time heard the blast and called 911. He then helped Touch get Uitermarkt out of the basement. Officers said in a report: "Uitermarkt was conscious and breathing, with severe burns to the majority of his body." Officials said the force of the explosion blew out the windows and bowed the walls and foundation. A property to the east also was damaged. Uitermarkt later was transferred from Mercy Medical Çenter to University of Iowa Hospitals in Iowa City, where he died. http://snipurl.com/3o3xx [www_desmoinesregister_com]
A couple arrived at town hall seconds before closing time, and caught a judge just as he was about to leave, and asked him to marry them. He asked if they had a license and, when they didn't, sent them off to get one. They caught the town clerk just as he was locking up, and got the license from him. When they got back to the judge, he pointed out they had filled the names in backwards -- his where hers belonged and vice versa. They rushed back to the clerk's office, caught him again, and got another license. This time, the judge noticed that the clerk had filled in the date in the wrong format. Again they catch the clerk... After five reissued licenses, the judge is finally satisfied. Judge: "I hope you appreciate why I made you keep going back. If there are irregularities in the license, your marriage would not be legal, and any children you might have would be technical bastards." Groom: "That's funny - that's just what the clerk called you."
When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged, but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk said he had some very good news for him. "Guess what, sir?" the clerk said. "I finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we've had so long!" "Do you mean that repulsive pink-and-blue double-breasted thing?" the manager asked. "That's the one!" "That's great!" the manager cried, "I thought we'd never get rid of that monstrosity! That had to be the ugliest suit we've ever had! But tell me. Why is your hand bandaged?" "Oh," the clerk replied, "after I sold the guy that suit, his guide dog bit me."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Mike Re: Antivirus 2008 Dear Webby, I got this from a site that helped me get rid of a trojan virus and it worked great. Haven't had any more show up. Also used this on a friends computer that had 4 trojans in it. Hope this might help those that you posed today. Download SDFix and save it to your Desktop. Double click SDFix.exe and it will extract the files to %systemdrive% (Drive that contains the Windows Directory, typically C:\SDFix) Please then reboot your computer in Safe Mode by doing the following : Restart your computer After hearing your computer beep once during startup, but before the Windows icon appears, tap the F8 key continually; Instead of Windows loading as normal, the Advanced Options Menu should appear; Select the first option, to run Windows in Safe Mode, then press Enter. Choose your usual account. Open the extracted SDFix folder and double click RunThis.bat to start the script. Type Y to begin the cleanup process. It will remove any Trojan Services and Registry Entries that it finds then prompt you to press any key to Reboot. Press any Key and it will restart the PC. Mike Dear Mike Thanks for your valuable info! Have FUN! DearWebby

How To Clean A Cat -------------------------------------------------------------------- 1. Dress in leather welder's jacket and pants 2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water. 3. Obtain the cat and carry him to the bathroom. 4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet, close both lids and stand on them 5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power wash and rinse" which I have found to be quite effective. 6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door. 7. Jump off the toilet as far as you can. Don't worry about opening the lids. The cat will do that automatically. 8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself. Sincerely, The DOG

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080901@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Ziploc Bags for Outfits I have two preschool daughters. When we travel, I pack outfits in gallon ziploc bags. I include top, shorts, underwear and socks. That way, they can take a pack and dress themselves and I don't have to sort through all of the clothes each day. Visit ThriftyFun For More Parenting Tips Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:  

A guy walks into a drugstore operated by a prudish woman. He asks, "Can I have a dozen condoms, Miss?" "Don't Miss me, mister." "Well, in that case, make it 13."
Interesting facts about Obama and Palin

Thanks to Sandie for today's Bonus Link: Hurricane Tracking
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Beware of XP Antivirus08 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  September 7, 2008

Pay no attention to what the critics say; there has never been set up a statue in honor of a critic. --- Jean Sibelius
Thanks to Gloria for this classic: A 5 year old's first job... Here's a truly heartwarming story about the bond Formed between a little 5-year-old girl and some Construction workers that will make you believe That we all can make a difference when we give A child the gift of our time. A young family moved into a house, next to a Vacant lot. One day, a construction crew began To build a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an Interest in the goings-on and spent much of Each day observing the workers. Eventually the construction crew, all of them 'gems-in-the-rough,' more or less, adopted her As a kind of project mascot. They chatted with Her during coffee and lunch breaks and gave her Little jobs to do here and there to make her feel Important. At the end of the first week, they even Presented her with a pay envelope containing ten Dollars. The little girl took this home to her Mother who suggested that she take her ten Dollars 'pay' she'd received to the bank the next Day to start a savings account. When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the Teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl How she had come by her very own pay check at Such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, 'I worked last week with a real construction crew Building the new house next door to us.' 'Oh my goodness gracious,' said the teller, 'and will You be working on the house again this week, too?' The little girl replied, 'I will, if those a*******es at Home Depot ever deliver the f _ ckin' sheet rock.'
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michael Fabricant, 58, of Staffordshire, England Not worth a ransom Amy Beeman - AHN London, England (AHN) -- A British politician had a scare recently when armed Colombian soldiers mistakenly took his powdered coffee-mate to be raw cocaine. Michael Fabricant, 58, who represents the Staffordshire constituency of Lichfield and Burntwood, was on a trekking vacation in South America when he and his friend ran into a group of soldiers in the jungle. The gun-wielding militants searched their belongings and found an unlabeled jar of powdered coffee creamer. Fabricant told reporters he tried to explain what it was, but spoke very little Spanish. So the soldiers, armed with M16 rifles forced Fabricant to eat several spoonfuls of the white substance. Ingesting large quantities of raw cocaine is poisonous and can cause death. While Fabricant told the press he felt ill from so much of the powder, the fact that he didn't show any signs of sickness convinced the group of militants that the substance was not cocaine, and they allowed Fabricant and his friend to continue their hike. Fabricant said he brought the powdered creamer because he wasn't sure what the quality of milk would be in Colombia. Apparently they realized it would be hopeless trying to get a ransom for somebody like him.
One morning the door-bell rang. The weather was very bad. It was raining cats and dogs. I opened the door and there stood a young lady, a Jehovah's Witness, soaking wet. I felt sorry for her and invited her in the house for a cup of coffee and to dry off a little. As we were drinking our coffee, I asked what her ' happy message ' was. I thought we might discuss some minor or major differences of believes or interpretation, but, she stuttered and said: ..."I'm not sure....I never got this far before...!"
Tom had won a toy at a raffle. He called his kids together to ask which one should have the present. "Who is the most obedient?" he asked. "Who never talks back to mother? Who does everything she says?" Five small and sad voices answered in unison. "Okay, dad, you get the toy."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Trish Re: Antivirus 2008 Dear Webby, HELP!!!!! My computer seems to have been affected by something. The only thing I've done recently is update my Microsoft messenger. Since then I have balloon pop ups continuously saying my XP Antivirus 2008 is inactive or threats detected or some critical files have been . . . . .etc etc. If I click on the balloon it wants me to register 'and pay I think for XP Antivirus 2008, doesn't look like a 'proper' windows update site, similar but not the same. How do I get rid of this or at least stop it. I have Trend PC-Cillin Internet Security which tells me all is well, it came with the computer. I will be going back to AVG when time is up and that's soon. Thanks a lot if you have any answers Trish Dear Trish XP Antivirus 2008 is a trojan infection. Yep, your computer is not under your control any more. Some guy in Russia controls it now. XP antivirus 2008 is actually quite evil shit, and according to what I read, not that easy to get rid off. It has been around for a long time and all but the very worst anti-virus programs block it from coming onto your computer via that fake MSN update. There is a fair bit of information about it on the net: XP Antivirus 2008 By the way, since you paid for Trend Micro PC-Cillin, I would screech a hostile temper tantrum at them and make them step you through removing it. Have FUN! DearWebby Hello again I really am worried now about the previouse email I sent re 'XP Antivirus 2008', I can't go to any website as "I am not covered by XP Antivirus 2008 and it may be dangerous to my computer". Thanks again if you can shed some light on this problem. Trish Dear Trish Sounds like the hackers that control your computer now are busy using your computer for a DDOS attack, and don't want you to slow them down. 1) Get the support number for Trend Micro 2) Screech a temper tantrum at them 3) Get them to step you through the process of getting rid of that infection, that they failed to protect you from 4) Un-install TrendMicro 5) Get McAfee Virus Scan for about $30 a YEAR or any decent protection in that class. Have FUN! DearWebby

Two golden-agers were discussing their husbands over lunch. "I do wish that my John would stop biting his nails. He makes me terribly nervous." My Fred used to do the same thing," the other woman replied. "But I broke him of the habit." "Really, how?" asked the first woman. "Easy, I hid his teeth."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080901@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Herbs to Prevent Insects Some herbs can help prevent insects from damaging other plants. For example, anise and coriander discourage aphids. Contact your local nursery or agricultural college extension to find out which herbs will work best in your area. Visit ThriftyFun For More Green Living Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Green%20Living_441.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:  

There are three truths in religion: 1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.... 2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christians 3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.
Interesting facts about Obama and Palin

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: The Hubble Site - The Entire Collection
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Yahoo's wide format 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  September 6, 2008

You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty. --- Sacha Guitry When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him. -- Thomas Szasz
Thanks to Sandie for tis: The computer in my high school classroom recently started acting up. After watching me struggle with it, one of my students came up and took over. "Your hard drive crashed," he said. I called the computer services office and explained, "My computer is down. The hard drive crashed." "We can't just send people down on your say so. How do you know that's the problem?" "A student told me," I answered. "We'll send someone over right away."
Thanks to Dad for sending these pictures of his Peruvianus: evening night morning In winter this cactus is in his breakfast nook, that is why he has to keep sawing it off at 7 foot height.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Metro Hotel, in Woking, England Sent in by Linda Wounded Soldier Forced to Sleep in Car After Hotel Denies Him a Room A wounded British soldier home from Afghanistan on sick leave was forced to spend the night in his car after a hotel refused him a room. Corporal Tomos Stringer was told by staff at Metro Hotel, in Woking, that it was company policy to not accept members of the armed forces as guests. The 24-year-old had traveled to the Surrey town to help with funeral preparations for a friend killed in action. It was so late that Cpl Stringer, who had broken his wrist jumping off an Army truck as it was attacked, had no choice but to sleep in his tiny, two-door car, arm covered in plaster. Cpl Stringer, of 13 Air Assault Support Regiment, The Royal Logistic Corps, has now returned to Afghanistan, but his mother, Gaynor Stringer, from Criccieth, north Wales, told The Times that she is still furious about the incident. “I’m very, very angry. It’s discrimination. They would never get away with it if it was against someone of ethnic origin,” she said. She said they had received neither an apology nor an explanation from the hotel, which is part of a family entertainment center called The Big Apple and owned by a company called American Amusements. "In America, they treat soldiers as heroes,” said Stringer, whose son joined the Army when he was 16 and has done multiple tours of duty in Iraq, Northern Ireland and Afghanistan. ---------------- In America, or Canada, there would be roaring thunder from a hundred or more half ton Harleys of the Patriot Riders, and local reporters interviewing any potential hotel customers as to why they would want to stay at a hotel that bans injured soldiers. Even though a lot of us don't agree with the war or how it is conducted, we DO respect the soldiers. Deep down inside many of us realize that, quite possibly, those soldiers are not just keeping the ball and the action in the enemy's zone, but actually might be practising how to protect our precious hide, just in case it comes to that.
A country club didn't allow women on the golf course. Eventually, there was enough pressure that they decided to allow women on the course during the week. The ladies were satisfied with this arrangement, formed a women's club and became very active. After about 6 months, the club board received a letter from the women's club complaining about the men, urinating on the golf course. Naturally, they just ignored the matter. After another 6 months, they received another letter reminding them of the previous letter and demanding action. After due deliberation they sent the women a letter advising them that they had been granted equal privileges!
"The attractive man I met last night insists he just wants to be friends." the girl told her maiden Aunt. "Now I know what to do with a lover, but, what the heck do I do with a 'friend'?" The wise old lady smiled and said, "The same as with your lover, dearie, only not quite so often."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Eddie Re: Wide Format Dear Webby, So what's up with the extra wide screen version? Have a great day..... Eddie Dear Eddie If you are referring to the way the new Yahoo screws up mail on Internet Explorer, try using FireFox as your browser. Or Opera, or Google Chrome. From what I hear, all other browsers interprete HTML newsletters OK. Have FUN! DearWebby

Keli got up late and was rushing to get ready for church. She ran frantically around her house, tore through her closet, threw her clothes on over her head and ran out the door to her car. When she arrived at the church, she saw a man coming towards her. "Tell me," she panted in her southern drawl, "Is mass out?" "No, ma'am" the man replied, "but yer hat's on crooked."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080901@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Your Spouse and Your Credit Score If your spouse has bad credit habits, it could affect your credit as well. Even a divorce will not necessarily eliminate negative marks against your credit since you may be held accountable for any joint accounts and shared debt. Visit Thrifty Fun For More Credit Rating Advice http://www.thriftyfun.com/Budget%20and% ... 2_453.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

John, a 72 year-old man went to the Doctor to get a physical. A few months later the Dr. saw John walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm. A couple of days later the Dr. talked to the man and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?" John replied, "Just doing what you said Doctor, "Get a hot mamma and be cheerful." The Doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said you got a heart murmur. Be careful." "Too late!" John replied.
Interesting facts about Palin and Obama

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: 100 ugliest cars
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Google Chrome Browser 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  September 5, 2008
Today is Friday, time to wear something red
to show your support for the troops!

Education is a state-controlled manufactory of echoes. --- Norman Douglas Humanity has advanced, when it has advanced, not because it has been sober, responsible, and cautious, but because it has been playful, rebellious, and immature. --- Tom Robbins
Thanks to Dave for this story: The children begged for a hamster, and after the usual fervent vows that they alone would care for it, they got one. They named it Danny. Two months later, when Mom found herself responsible for cleaning and feeding the creature, she located a prospective new home for it. The children took the news of Danny's imminent departure quite well, though one of them remarked, "He's been around here a long time. We'll miss him." "Yes," Mom replied, "But he's too much work for one person, and since I'm that one person, I say he goes." Another child offered, "Well, maybe if he wouldn't eat so much and wouldn't be so messy, we could keep him." But Mom was firm. "It's time to take Danny to his new home now," she insisted. "Go and get his cage." With one voice and in tearful outrage the children screameded, "Danny? We thought you said Daddy!"
Thanks to Patti for sending this picture:
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Andres Tamm, Estonia Sent in by Arturas Two Estonian farms establish 'Soviet republic,' seek recognition ST. PETERSBURG, September 3 (RIA Novosti) - Two farms in north-east Estonia have joined forces to declare an independent "Soviet republic" and intend to seek Russia's recognition, a Russian communist organization said on Wednesday. "We no longer want to live in bourgeois Estonia, where nobody cares about the common people...with raging unemployment and corruption, and where everything depends on NATO and the Americans," Russian communists from St Petersburg, who are assisting the 'republic,' quoted its founder, Andres Tamm, as saying. Residents and founders of the 'Estonian Soviet Socialist Republic' have already formed a national 'Soviet government,' a police force, and have begun demarcating the state's borders. Meanwhile, residents of the republic claim that the "bourgeois" Estonian government has sent a "squad of relatives of Estonian Nazi SS veterans" to regain control over the breakaway territory. The republic is currently drafting a treaty of friendship with Russia to be submitted to the Russian president in the next few days. Estonia is a former Soviet republic and a current member of both NATO and the EU. http://en.rian.ru/world/20080903/116519145.html
"Dad," said Little Johnny, "I'm late for football practice. Would you please do my homework for me?" The father said irately, "Son, it just wouldn't be right." "That's okay," replied Little Johnny, "Sometimes I get it wrong too. Just give it a try, couldn't you?"
A visitor asked a West Texas cowboy, "Doesn't it ever rain out here?" The cowboy replied, "Sure. There was a half-inch of rain a couple of weeks ago just a few miles north of here, but I was too busy and couldn't go." The wind blows so hard out in West Texas that at a drive-in theater it once blew Gene Autry right out of the saddle." It was so dry that the Baptists were sprinkling, the Methodists were spitting, and the Catholics were giving rain checks. A visitor to Amarillo asked a local rancher, "How do you stand the wind blowing every single day?" The rancher said, "You just have to get used to it - learn to lean into it. In fact, one day last fall the wind stopped blowing all of a sudden, and all the chickens in the panhandle plumb fell over."
Thanks to Don for this insight on the Yahoo email problem: Dear Webby, A tip I thought might interest you for your readers. I'm a pseudo Yahoo subscriber - I was with Prodigy way back when Big Al invented the internet, and Prodigy eventually got bought out by Yahoo, so I still have the Prodigy e-mail address but its under Yahoo's control. I know I should drop Prodigy/Yahoo, but I have so much tied to that address I just figure its easier to stay since everything works using Firefox. I noticed that many of you readers complained recently that they were getting a blank Webby letter, but I never had a problem and attributed it to having the Prodigy address. Well, this week I had to take a business trip and use the office laptop which has IE6. When I logged into my account - the Webby letter was blank! I'm back home now and I may have found a helpful tip, you see, as I mentioned, at home I use Firefox as my browser and I see the letter just fine. So I started up IE6 on my home PC and sure enough - blank letter. Looks like its some kind of IE6/Yahoo problem that causes the blank letter. Just thought you might like to know. Keep up the great work, been reading and voting for years and enjoy it every day. Don From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carolyn Re: Google Chrome browser Dear Webby, when I clicked on Google last evening, it said download Chrome BETA for a new browser from Google. Is this a good idea? I always respect your advice. Thanks, Carolyn Dear Carolyn The Google Chrome browser is quite OK. You don't HAVE to use it, but you are welcome to try it. It's Beta Test Version 0.2, sorta "Let's run it up the flagpole and see if they salute it or shoot it." So far it looks and acts like a no frills heavy duty Industrial browser. It is fast and works well. Might take a bit of getting used to, since they put stuff where you had wanted it to be, but never got until now, like edge tabs on the top edge. AND, Google Chrome is totally voluntary. You don't have to install a blocker to prevent it from being slithered into your computer against your will. Have FUN! DearWebby

Elizabeth was surprised to receive ten dollars from her Aunt for her birthday. The Aunt asked how she was going to spend it. "I'm taking it to Sunday School and giving it to God." the little girl replied. "He's gonna crap his drawers with surprise over not getting a dollar like usual."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080901@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Avocado Peels When peeling an avocado, leave a little fruit on the inside of the avocado skin and use it to scrub your face. The peel with help remove dead skin and avocado fruit makes a great moisturizer. Let it sit for 5 to 10 minutes and then rinse it off. Visit Thrifty Fun For More Beauty Recipes Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

On a military training exercise, the British divisional command radio operators were getting very bored one quiet night, when breaking the silence a voice asked over the air, "Are there any friendly bears listening?" After a moment, another voice replied, "Yes, I'm a friendly bear," and then another voice, "I'm a friendly bear too!" At this point, the Officer at Headquarters grabbed his microphone and let loose a blistering tirade at the operators for fooling around on a radio link. When he had finished, there was silence for about ten seconds. Then a voice said, "He's not a very friendly bear. Let's go to the secret frequency!" None of them knew what the secret frequency was, so they went to sleep. But the British Government is still trying to find it.
Interesting facts about Palin and Obama

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Awesome Cake Art
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Yahoo and Skype problem 



   Zoom the font size for best readability!
Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  September 4, 2008
Tomorrow is Friday, time to wear something red
to show your support for the troops!

Genius is only great patience. --- Buffon
A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a shotgun. "It's for my husband," she tells the clerk. "Did he tell you what gauge to get?" asks the clerk. And she says, "Are you kidding? He doesn't even know yet that I'm going to shoot him!"
Thanks to DIchord for this picture: Sometimes it gets hot in Calif.'s Central Valley DIchord
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Andrea Raninger, Vieanna, Austria Top cop's car stolen Austria's top police officer is fuming after thieves made off with her official car - parked right outside her house. Andrea Raninger, head of the country's Federal Criminal Police, had to report the $36,000 Toyota RAV4 stolen to her own officers. She had been set to leave her home in Vienna for work when she discovered it was missing. A police source said: "It is one of the most embarrassing incidents that could happen to the police force. Either someone targeted her especially because she is the top cop, or it was just a random car theft. "In either case it's one of the worst bits of PR the force can possibly have. They can't even protect themselves from thieves, let alone the general public." -------- Considering the neighborhood, she should have parked it in the garage.
Thanks to Noella for this: Now that Vancouver has won the chance to host the 2010 Winter Olympics, these are some questions people the world over are asking! Believe it or not these questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website. (They have also appeared in thr Humor Letter before) Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? (England ) A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die. Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA ) A: Depends on how much you've been drinking. Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the Railroad tracks? (Sweden) A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden ) A: So it's true what they say about Swedes. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy) A: Let's not touch this one. Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax ? (England) A: What did your last slave die of? Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA) A: Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked. Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA ) A: Face towards the US and then turn 180 degrees Contact us when you get here and we'll tell you about East and West. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (England ) A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA ) A: Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked. Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany ) A: No, WE don't stink. You better bring some along for yourself. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Where can I sell it in Canada? (USA) A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather. Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy) A: Yes, gay nightclubs Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA ) A: Only at Thanksgiving. Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany) A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent. They roam the city streets eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. Spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking will scare them off. Q: Does everybody in Banff speak Japanese? A: No, the elk, that roam the streets, only speak Canadian, eh! Q: Do the Mounties still ride around on horses and carry mammoth tusk clubs? A: Only during riots, G8 conferences, mud wrestling championships and hippo races. Q: I heard about submarine races at Lost Lagoon in Vancouver. When do they have them? A: Most evenings as soon as it gets dark. You can also park at Stanley Park across the street. Q: Do the guys still smoke at Hooters in Calgary? A: No, the girls were told to slow down.
A young minister sitting down to dinner, was about to say the blessing when he opened the casserole dish that his thrifty bride had prepared from countless refrigerator leftovers. "I don't know," he said dubiously. "It seems to me that I have blessed all this stuff before."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bill Re: Yahoo Mail problem Dear Webby I have been a regular Dear Webby fan for several years now - as of today, 9/3 - everything comes up but the letter -- I have no idea why, nor what to do about it - nothing has changed that I am aware of in the configuation of the computer -- I had to have it stripped recently and re-installed, then I re=installed avast!, I have tried to re-install my Skype line, and it does not let me sign on - so something is amiss - but I wasstill getting your mail just fine through Sunday - did not look at the mail yesterday, but both monday and tuesday were blank. Thanks Bill Dear Bill Have you ever overheard people calling you "that silly yahoo" and snicker behind your back? Pretending that sbcglobal is not yahoo is not helping you. You received your Humor Letter quite OK, but because of a screw-up in the current Yahoo system, they won't let you see it until you hit REPLY. They want to make it look to others as if you got proper mail. As I have told thousands of yahoos, you have a choice: Either hit REPLY or FORWAD and threaten to show others how messed up Yahoo is or get some decent email service. Re Skype: I used the Google search in the top of the Humor Letter that you replied with. It worked fine, proving that you did get it 100% OK. Well, anyway, there is no mention anywhere of anything related to the new Yahoo interfering with Skype. Most likely the problem is a security setting in your Avast. I am not familiar with Avast, but most likely you will find a way to OK Skype and allow it. I have used Skype for about half a dozen years now, since it's early Beta, and have never come across that problem. Have FUN! DearWebby

A traffic cop pulls over a guy who has had one drink too many. "Where do you think you're going at this hour of the morning?" the officer asks. "Offischer," the man slurs, while envisioning his waiting wife, "I'm going to a lecture."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080901@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Protecting Your Home When Traveling When you are on vacation, your home is susceptible to burglary. One trick is to create the illusion that you are home by putting a few lights on a timer. Program the individual lights to turn on for a while each night. Also have someone check that mail, newspapers, or packages aren't piling up. Visit ThriftyFun For More Home Safety Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Better%20Livi ... _4771.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

President Calvin Coolidge, who was notorious for his reluctance to talk. One Sunday he went to church by himself, and when he returned to the White House, his wife asked, "Was the sermon good?" "Yes," the President told her. "What was it about?" she asked. "Sin." "What did the minister say?" "He seems to be against it." ------------------- That reminds me: Interesting facts about Palin and Obama

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Fiery" target="_blank" >http://tinyurl.com/FireyFlowers">Fiery Flowers
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: msconfig and regedit blocked 



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Good Morning,  !
It's wednesday,  September 3, 2008

It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer. — Albert Einstein Education: the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty. --- Mark Twain
Thanks to Sandie for this story: I was setting up a large, cast aluminum, decorative sundial in my yard that I had purchased from a garden catalog. A neighbor, an old Florida fellow, was leaning on the fence watching my progress and asked, "What the heck's that for?" I explained, "It's a sundial. See, the sun will hit that small triangular spike and cast a shadow on the face of the sundial. Then, as the sun moves across the sky, the shadow moves across the dial here, so that a person can read off the correct time." My neighbor shook his head and muttered, "Huh, what will they think of next?!"
Thanks to Kate for this picture: Even wildlife is now just sitting around waiting for the government to take care of them. The Democrats have gotten to even them! Kate
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Emmanuel Uzowihe, 21, Atlanta, Georgia Baggy pants trip up fleeing suspect ATLANTA (UPI) -- An Atlanta man trying to escape from police tripped and fell as he tried to hold his baggy pants up, officers said. Emmanuel Uzowihe, 21, allegedly pointed a gun at the police officers as he lay on the ground, the Atlanta Journal-Constitution reported. He was shot and wounded. The incident near the Fulton County Courthouse began when police tried to pull Uzowihe over because of a traffic violation. He allegedly stopped his white Toyota sedan but jumped out and ran away. Anthony Gentile, a police investigator, said an officer followed Uzowihe, ordering him several times to stop. Darrell Jackson said he saw Uzowihe run past, cursing. Other witnesses and police said Uzowihe already allegedly had his gun out while he was running. "He was running pretty fast," Jackson said. "The only thing that messed him up is he was trying to pull his pants up."
My dad and I were talking the other night about love and marriage. He told me he knew as early as their wedding what marriage to my mom would be like. It seems the minister asked my mom, "Do you take this man to be your husband?" And she said, "I do." Then the minister asked my dad, "Do you take this woman to be your wife?" And mom said, "He does."
What are the three types of men? Those who communicate Those who care and those who aren't broke.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jerome Re:msconfig access problem Dear Webby There are also 5 different Trojans that prevent opening the msconfig box too. I’d bet he has one of them. And they are a booger to clean too. Jerome Daniher Dear Jerome Some searching on Google turned up some info that may be helpful: http://www.techspot.com/vb/topic18481.html Have FUN! DearWebby

What should you do if your boyfriend starts smoking? Slow down.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080901@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Preparing for Disaster Create a plan so that your family will be prepared in the case of a disaster. The US Department of Homeland Security offer a free downloadable plan in PDF format. Click here to download the Family Disaster Plan http://www.ready.gov/family_plan.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Two friends meet on the street after not having seen each other for some time. One of them is using crutches. "What's the matter with you?" asks his friend. "Bus accident," says the man on crutches. "When did that happen?" "About six weeks ago." "And you still have to use crutches?" the friend asks. "Well," says the man, "my doctor says I could get along without them, but my lawyer says I can't."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: The" target="_blank" >http://www.silk-road.com/artl/silkhisto ... ot;>The story of silk
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Spybot protecting admin 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  September 2, 2008

The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. --- Walter Bagehot
Thanks to Roland for this story: My bathroom is in the back of the house and it's hard to hear when anyone is on the property. One morning while getting ready for work, and thinking I was the only one at home, I kept hearing something crawl around under my bathroom floor. Thinking that somehow the neighbor's cat had gotten under the house, I began stomping the floor hard and shouting at the top of my lungs, "Get out of there!" and "Stop that!" Finally, the moving stopped so I finished what I was doing and left for work. When I returned home that evening, I found a note that the exterminators had been there for their annual inspection. I turned to my husband and said, "Honey, do the exterminators crawl around under the house?" He said, "Sure, why?" That's when I burst out laughing. It took me several minutes to tell my husband what I had done. He cracked up at the thought of me standing in the bathroom stomping and shouting, and he said, "It's a good thing he didn't answer you back or you would have keeled over dead!"
Thanks to Joanne for this picture: Dear Webby, Another photo for your consideration. I still haven't learned to correct the size of my photos, but am hoping you will work your magic! Joanne
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Lorenzo Earl Knight. 22. of Tampa, Florida Sent in by Sandie Dirty Mistake A suspected car burglar in Tampa made a dirty mistake when he hid out inside a Port-O-Let. Tampa Police say 22-year-old Lorenzo Earl Knight broke into two cars Saturday. One of the owners fought Knight and chased him to a nearby construction site. Knight tried to hide in the Port-O-Let, but when the victim found him, he overturned the toilet, dumping huge amounts of human waste on Knight. Knight has been charged with auto burglary and possession of burglary tools. Information from: St. Petersburg Times, http://www.sptimes.com
John was grocery shopping with Jill, and he tossed a bag of chips into the cart. "You don't need those!" Jill chided. "What about those twenty chocolate bars you have in there?" John asked. "IT'S THAT TIME OF THE MONTH!" screamed Jill. "Of course, Honey!", replied John, as he took out the bag of chips and piled a double handful more chocolate bars into the cart.
Thanks to Bill for this: My wife suggested a book for me to read to enhance our relationship. It's titled: "Women are from Venus, Men are Wrong."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ron Re:Admin problem Hi Webby I need your help again. I have a 1 year old computer w/ Win. XP as of late when I go to startup via run- msconfig I get an error message as follows. [ An access denied error was returned while attempting to change a service.You may need to log on using an administrator account to make specified changes] This is new to me since I have been using msconfig for years and never saw this message before. I do not know how to use log on as administrator since I have never used that feature on the last 3 computers. What can I do to get rid of this error. I use Crapcleaner, Spybot, Lavasoft and Avg. So I think I am pretty clean. By the way I got all those progs. from your tips. Thanks + RON P Dear Ron Are you using Spybot to block system changes, even from within ? You may have to take the checkmark off that. Have FUN! DearWebby

A burglar entered the house of a Quaker and proceeded to rob it. The Quaker heard the noise and took his shotgun downstairs. Upon finding the burglar he aimed his gun and said gently, "Friend, I mean thee no harm, but thou standest where I am about to shoot."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080901@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Clutter Control: Newspaper, Magazines and Junk Mail Recycle junk mail as soon as you get it to keep it from piling up. Be sure to shred all credit card offers. Recycle newspapers weekly and magazines at least monthly. When the magazine rack is full, you know it's time to get rid of them. Click here for more ThriftyFun clutter control tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Organizing_Cl ... 9_680.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

If Biblical Headlines were written by today's liberal media ------------------------------------------- On Red Sea crossing: WETLANDS TRAMPLED IN LABOR STRIKE Pursuing Environmentalists Killed On David vs. Goliath: HATE CRIME KILLS BELOVED CHAMPION Psychologist Questions Influence of Rock On Elijah on Mt. Carmel: FIRE SENDS RELIGIOUS RIGHT EXTREMIST INTO FRENZY 400 Killed On the birth of Christ: HOTELS FULL, ANIMALS LEFT HOMELESS Animal Rights Activists Enraged by Insensitive Couple On feeding the 5,000: PREACHER STEALS CHILD'S LUNCH Disciples Mystified Over Behavior On healing the 10 lepers: LOCAL DOCTOR'S PRACTICE RUINED "Faith Healer" Causes Bankruptcy On healing of the Gadarene demoniac: MADMAN'S FRIEND CAUSES STAMPEDE Local Farmer's Investment Lost On raising Lazarus from the dead: FUNDAMENTALIST PREACHER RAISES A STINK Will Reading to be Delayed
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Dear Webby: Slow Windows start 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  September 1, 2008
Labor Day!

"Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labor does the body." --- Seneca "Excellence in any department can be attained only by the labor of a lifetime; it is not to be purchased at a lesser price." --- Samuel Johnson
"I see you went crazy at the big summer clearance sale," Wanda comments, as she looks at all the bags of merchandise her friend, Carol just brought home from the store. "You got that right ... I almost bought their elevator 'cause it was marked down."
Thanks to Monique and Leviithecat for this picture: My friend is a wonderful photographer and I thought you might like to add this one to your HumorWebby page? Doesn't it look like a plant that's on fire?! We don't know what it's called I'm afraid. All best wishes Monique and Leviithecat!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 15 year old boy in Palm Bay, Florida Police cite computer rage in teen's arrest PALM BAY, Fla. (UPI) -- Police in Florida say a 15-year-old boy flew into a rage, attacking his mother and older brother over changes made to the family computer. Palm Bay police investigators said the teenager became angry after learning of the computer privilege changes and chased his mother with a knife, pushing her repeatedly before striking his older brother with a sugar cane, WKMG-TV in Orlando reported Tuesday. The teenager, who allegedly told police he had felt threatened by his mother and brother, was taken to the Juvenile Detention Center in Sharpes Sunday. He was charged with aggravated assault and battery and is not likely to have any computer privileges in the near future.
A scientist found, to his great surprise, that he was lactose intolerant (unable to digest milk sugar). At dinner that night with his two young daughters (age 9 and 4 years), he mentioned that he had found out that he was lactose intolerant and tried to explain to them what that meant. A couple of months later, he took the kids to a local restaurant for a quick breakfast before shopping. The place was very busy, but the quality of the food and service were obviously not up to par. When they finally got their breakfast, his youngest daughter took a look at her father's omelet and burnt toast and declared very loudly to the waitress "My Daddy can't eat that toast, he is black toast intolerant."
A new man is brought into Prison Cell 102. Already there is a long-time resident who looks 100 years old. The new man looks at the old-timer inquiringly. The old-timer says, "Look at me. I'm old and worn out. You'd never believe that I used to live the life of Riley. I wintered on the Riviera, had a boat, four fine cars, the most beautiful women, and I ate in all the best restaurants of France." The new man asked, "What happened?" "One day Riley reported his credit cards missing!"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carol Re:Slow start-up Good Afternoon Webby, My computer boots up slowly. I have run crap cleaner, defraged, ran my McAfee to be sure everything was clean... I only very few icons on the right bottom of my screen. I think these are at start up... (email icon; on-line icon; volume icon). I don't know if any of this will help you...I don't understand all of it, but it may give you a clue to something. I have a Dell Dimension 8400 Series, Intel Pentium 4 Processor 550 at 400 MHz I run XP Professional; service Pack 2 Total physical memory 3.072 MB Available physical memory 2.42 GB Total Vertual memory 2 GB Available virtual memory 1.96 GB Do I need to upgrade something? You've helped me so many times before, I just don't get why the computer has slowed down at start up. Many thanks, Carol Dear Carol That set-up looks OK. About the only change I would recommend is to increase the virtual memory to double the size of the physical memory. You can check and weed out the programs that are called by the Start-Up: Click on Start then Run. In the Open box, type msconfig.exe and hit Enter. Once displayed, click on the "Startup" tab. You will see a list of items in the StartUp. Take the checkmarks off any that look suspicious or frivolous. The programs will still work, they just won't be pre-loaded during start-up. Have FUN! DearWebby

A man drove his secretary home from a late afternoon get-together of coworkers because she was drunk and unable to drive. Since nothing happened along the way between the two, the man decided not to mention the secretary to his wife. Later that evening while the man was taking the wife to a movie, he noticed a high-heeled shoe under the passenger seat. So, he asked her to watch out her window for a parking spot close to the theater. While she was busy looking, he picked up the shoe and tossed it out of his window. When they arrived at the theater and were about ready to get out of the car, his wife asked, "Sweetie, have you seen my other shoe?

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080901@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Money On Clothing When buying clothing for you or your children, try to avoid dry clean only clothing, especially when buying clothing that you plan to wear regularly. It can cost between 5 and 20 dollars for professional dry cleaning which quickly adds up. Read more tips on saving money on clothing at ThriftyFun by clicking here Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Thanks too Sandie for this: Seen in the parking lot of a brand new department store, painted on the ground at a crosswalk in letters four feet tall: YELD. Close, but not close enough. The next week, I drove through the same parking lot and found it was changed. They had painted an I between the existing letters. Now, it read: YEILD. About two months later, they finally fixed it. The old lettering was painted over with black and freshly painted on top of that was the word STOP.

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Gigantic City Structures
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Dear Webby: Pirated XP 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  August 31, 2008

Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example. --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld The average person thinks he isn't. --- Father Larry Lorenzoni
A minister opening his mail one morning takes a sheet of paper from an envelope and finds written on it only one word: "FOOL." The next Sunday he announces, "I have known many people who have written letters and forgotten to sign their names. But this week I received a letter from someone who signed his name but forgot to write a letter."
Thanks to Cookie for sending this picture: Goin' to church
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a man named Xu in Fuqing City, China Divine lightning reaction? A Chinese man who swore to God that he didn't owe money to a neighbour was hit by lightning a minute later. The man, named Xu, made the oath in front of a crowd of neighbours in Fuqing city, reports Southeast Express. He vowed that he had never borrowed money from Mr Huang, who claimed Xu borrowed 500 yuan, the equivalent of $75, from him three years earlier. "He borrowed 500 yuan three years ago from me for a friend's marriage gift, but he has denied it ever since then," said Huang, who went to Xu's home to demand payment. "I told him that if he dared to swear to God that he didn't owe me the money, then I would waive his debt," said Huang. Xu made the oath, but was suddenly struck by lightning a minute later. He was immediately taken to hospital where doctors confirmed he had been hit by lightning. He is expected to make a full recovery. ------------------- That sure would revolutionize election cmpaigns if we could get that happening here!
A woman had gained a few pounds. It was most noticeable to her when she squeezed into a pair of her old blue jeans. Wondering if the added weight was noticeable to everyone else, she asked her husband, "Honey, do these jeans make me look like the side of the house?" "No, dear, not at all," he replied, "Our house isn't blue."
A new hair salon opened up for business right across the street from the old established hair cutters' place. They put up a big bold sign which read: "WE GIVE SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS!" Not to be outdone, the old Master Barber put up his own sign: "WE FIX SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sandra Re:Pirated XP Dear Webby, Additionally, Microsoft when it does updates adds a tracking system that will not allow you to get some updates, it has also in the past set a balloon in your icon tray by the clock to annoy the illegal users. There is a way to disable that too. You know I had an illegal copy when my system was built for me. You also know that I went out and purchased a legal XP when I could afford it after 3 years. ... Just thought I would pass this along too. In my opinion, I think they are not concerned of the past items, but are after the big fish that sell the pirated versions. I would not want to try and run an unlicensed copy in a business these days. Lots of people cannot afford the legal version, that is the sad truth, so they opt for free or cheaper copies of software. At least you have given them a way to get around it with the suggestion of the Linux system. Have a good day... Sandra Dear Sandra Yes, especially for a business it is not a good idea at all to use a pirated XP. Even though it may work quite OK, sooner or later some employee will brag or complain about it. Have FUN! DearWebby

It was Little Johnny's first day in a new school, so his father looked up the teacher. He told her that Little Johnny was a good kid but that he was a hell of a gambler. He warned her that Little Johnny might win lunch money from the other kids if he was not watched closely. The teacher did not seem disturbed, she assured the father that she had handled many such problems and was very capable of taking care of Little Johnny's urge to gamble. Shortly after lunch, Little Johnny's father called the teacher and asked her how things were going. "Oh, everything is going very well," she said, "I think I may have cured Little Johnny of his gambling habit." The father asked her what had happened. "Little Johnny absolutely insisted on betting me ten dollars that I had a mole on my rear," she said, "I finally agreed to the bet and took him to the teacher's lounge to show him that I had no mole." "Damn!" His father said. "He bet me fifty dollars this morning that he would have your pants down before the day was over!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping the Toothpaste Tube Clean For a clean tube, try squeezing from the bottom. Then put the cap back on the toothpaste tube and roll up the empty tube as you use it. When you squeeze the tube from the bottom, more of the excess toothpaste is sucked back into the tube. Click Here For More ThriftyFun Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Each evening bird lover Tom stood in his backyard, hooting like an owl - and one night, an owl finally called back to him. For a year, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. He even kept a log of the "conversation"... Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in interspecies communication, his wife had a chat with her next door neighbor. "My husband spends his nights calling out to owls," she said. "That's odd," the neighbor replied. "So does my husband!"

Thanks to Sandie for today's Bonus Link: Wonder Ho To ?
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Dear Webby: Difference between legitimate and pirated XP 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  August 30, 2008

There are only two ways of telling the complete truth-- anonymously and posthumously. --- Thomas Sowell
The proprietor of a successful optical shop was instructing his son on how to charge a customer. "After you have fitted the customer's glasses," he said, "and he asks you what the charge will be, you say, '$100.' Then see if he winces." "If the customer doesn't wince you say, 'For the frames. The lenses will be another $100.'" "If he still doesn't wince, you say firmly, 'Each.'"
Thanks to Cookie for sending this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to County Attorney Fred Busroe of Harlan, Kentucky HARLAN, Ky. (UPI) -- An ex-candidate for governor of Kentucky, whose colloquial compliment about two young girls was taken sexually and landed him in jail is free but unhappy. Otis "Bullman" Hensley Jr., who has twice run unsuccessfully for governor, said his offer to trade "a good fattening hog" for a 13-year-old girl and an 11-year-old girl accompanied by their aunt at a Don's Supersaver store was nothing more than an eastern Kentucky saying that is meant as a compliment about someone's children, the Lexington (Ky.) Herald-Leader reported Tuesday. However, the girls' father did not see the humor and pressed felony charges of first-degree attempted unlawful transaction with a minor against the politician. Hensley spent two days in jail in Harlan before he made bail and prosecutor J.D. Smith said authorities have determined Hensley "absolutely meant no harm" by his comment. The charges were dropped on condition that Hensley apologize to the family and have no further contact with them. Hensley said he was outraged. ------------------------- He probably apologized that he mistook them for people with brains. I have heard people in Kentucky and Tennessee use that phrase, and normally the response was "Why, Thank you! You'd probably trade them back fer bisquits when they start fighting with each other." or "Bless yer heart! You'd prolly trade them back fer grits, once they eat you out of house and home!" Neither the compliment nor the graceful response implies anything sexual or any actually intended transacton, or that the person making the compliment owns a hog. It's just Apalachian for:"It's good to see some well mannered kids!" Obviously, the father of the kids is too stupid to live in Kentucky, but County Attorney Fred Busroe should be ridden out of town on a rail. He should have known better!
Everyone in the hotel was talking about the wedding where the groom was 95 years old and the bride was only 23. The groom looked pretty feeble, and some of the guests thought that the wedding night could kill the old man, because his bride was a healthy and vivacious young woman. But the next morning, everyone was surprised to see the bride come down the main stairway slowly, step by step, and painfully bow-legged. She finally managed to hobble to the front desk. The clerk looked very concerned, and he asked the bride, "What happened to you? You look like you just got done wrestling an alligator." "Oh my God," said the bride. "He told me that he had been saving up for 75 years.... I thought he meant his money!!"
TOP 10 REASONS FARM TRUCKS AREN'T STOLEN 10. They have about 20 miles before they overheat, breakdown or run out of gas. 9. Only the owner knows how to operate the door to get in or out. 8. It is difficult to drive fast with all the fence tools, grease rags, ropes, chains, syringes, buckets, boots and loose papers in the cab. 7. It takes too long to start, and the smoke coming up through the rusted-out floorboard clouds your vision. 6. The Border Collie on the toolbox looks mean. 5. They're too easy to spot. The description might go something like this: The driver's side door is red, the passenger side door is green, the right front fender is yellow, etc. 4. The large round bale in the back makes it hard to see if you're being chased. You could use the mirrors if they weren't cracked and covered with duct tape. 3. Top speed is approximately 45 mph. 2. Who wants to steal a truck that needs a year's worth of maintenance, u-joints, $3,000 in body work, tail-lights and windshield? 1. It is hard to commit a crime with everyone waving at you.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Allan Re:What is different with the pirated XP Dear Webby, What is the difference between pirated and legitimate XP? Considering that M$ is spending really big money and effort to fight against the proliferation of pirate XP, it must be pretty good. Aside from moral and ethical grounds, is there any reason to pay $150 for a legitimate XP instead $10 for pirate XP? What do you recommend? Allan Dear Allan It is well known that most of the computers in Russia use pirate XP, and similar situations exist in many East Block countries and in China. I have never seen or tried a pirated XP, but considering how many Millions of people use them, it seems to be adequate. Users apparently get the automatic Tuesday bug fixes, but not the SP updates. They don't have to install the SP3 blocker. Microsoft is not doing a witch-hunt against users of pirated XP, even though they claim they could, because that would make Linux the main OS overnight. They probably count each pirated XP installations as "one more Vista sold". Well, it's not a legitimate XP, so it must be Vista, right? However, Microsoft is using their full might to chase sellers of pirated XP, and if your name shows up in a caught sellers database, that you bought a few hundred pirated XP CDs for your business, then they might contact you. My recommendation? If you can afford a legitimate XP, then get the legitimate one. If you can't, get Linux. It's free. The switch from Windows to Linux is easier than the switch from Mac to Windows. Have FUN! DearWebby

I was bar tending at a club nearby. When a bunch of roaring motorcycles pulled up outside, our patrons' eyes swung toward the door and conversation turned into uneasy whispering. A group of tough looking bikers walked up to the bar, and one of them asked me where the phone was. I pointed it out, and the silence in the room let everybody overhear what the biker boomed into the receiver: "Hi, Mom. Just want to let you know I didn't forget to pick up your box of .... thingies at the drugstore, but I'll probably be home late tonight. We are doing the charity run for breast cancer today."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cereal Boxes for Magazine Storage Most cereal boxes can be converted into boxes to store magazines. Just remove the top flaps and cut the upper third of the box off at a diagonal angle. You can put contact paper on the outside of the box to make the box look better. For More Green Living Tips on ThriftyFun, Click Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Green%20Living_441.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Little Johnny was having problems in English class, so his teacher decided to stop by on her way home to speak with his parents. When she rang the bell, Little Johnny opened the door. The teacher said, "Hello, Johnny. I would like to talk to your mother or your father." Little Johnny said, "Sorry, but they ain't here." The teacher said, "Johnny, what is it with your grammar?" "Beats me," said Little Johnny, "but dad sure was mad that they had t'go bail her out again."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Gros Morne National Park
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Dear Webby: How can I recognize a pirated XP CD? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  August 29, 2008
Today is Friday, time to wear something red
to show your support for the troops!

Dancing: The vertical expression of a horizontal desire legalized by music. --- George Bernard Shaw "The shortest distance between two points is usually under construction." --- Wayne H.
A college senior takes his new girlfriend to a football game. As the young couple is watching the action, a substitute is put into the game. "You see that fellow running into the huddle?" the young man asks, pointing to the sub. The girl nods. "Well," says the young man, "take a good look at him. I expect him to be our best man next year." The girl snuggles closer and says to the surprised young man, "That's the strangest way I've ever heard a fellow to propose to a girl. But regardless of how you said it, I accept."
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Nitpickers in Bulgarian courts Divorcee to lose house over 37 cents? A Bulgarian divorcee was told he could have his house repossessed because he hadn't coughed up an alimony payment to his ex-wife - of 37 cents. Vasil Yordanov from Haskovo, had been ordered to pay the sum as part of a divorce settlement 15 years ago but forgot. Now a judge has warned him that he is facing a visit from bailiffs and all his property could be repossessed if he fails another order to pay up. Yordanov said: "I got a letter from the courts and at first thought someone was playing a joke on me. Then when I checked I found out they were being completely serious. "It must have cost the courts and my ex-wife's legal team twenty times as much just to send me a letter to remind me. I am perfectly happy to pay up the money or if they would like, I can offer them goods in exchange. "I have had a look around for something in my house worth 37 cents and I thought maybe a toilet roll would be about right."
Andy came to work one day, limping something awful. One of his co-workers, Josh, noticed and asked Andy what happened. Andy replied, "Oh, nothing. It's just an old hockey injury that acts up once in a while." Josh, "Gee, I never knew you played hockey." Andy, "No I don't. I hurt it last year when I lost $1,000 on the Stanley Cup play-offs. I put my foot through the television."
Little Johnny had just returned from his honeymoon and was settling down in their new apartment. Coming home from work one night the landlady met Little Johnny in the hallway and said, "I have a couple of extra tickets to a play in town tonight, and I wonder if you and your new bride would like to have them?" "I'll ask her," Little Johnny responded. He opened the door to his apartment and called out, "Honey, would you like to see 'Oliver Twist' tonight?" "No Way!!," his bride retorted, "If you show me one more trick with that thing, I'm going home to my Mother.....!"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: David Re:How to spot pirated XP Dear Webby, The other day you mentioned that there are bootleg copies of Windows XP for sale on the net. How can someone spot a counterfeit copy? The reason I'm asking is because I'm thinking of buying a copy of Windows XP, SP2 off of eBay. Thanks for all your help, David Dear David There is absolutely no way to tell the difference, until you got it in front of you, and the seller is not going to tell you, if it is hot. I stocked up when I told all Humor Letter readers to stock up on XP CDs, but if I needed more, I would buy them from people I know and trust, like Jerome in Texas. His company REALLY stocked up. Have FUN! DearWebby

As a new school Principal, Mr. Mitchell was checking over his school on the first day. Passing the stockroom, he was startled to see the door wide open and teachers bustling in and out, carrying off books and supplies in preparation for the arrival of students the next day. The school where he had been a Principal the previous year had used a check-out system only slightly less elaborate than that at Fort Knox. Cautiously, he asked the school's long time Custodian, "Do you think it's wise to keep the stock room unlocked and to let the teachers take things without requisitions?" The Custodian looked at him gravely. "We trust them with the children, don't we?"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Moving Large Planters Since most planters are wider on top than on the bottom, they can be difficult to move with a hand truck. Use an old skateboard instead. If you don't have one, you can probably find one at your local thrift store. They work well for moving other heavy objects as well. Unusual Ideas for Planters http://www.thriftyfun.com/tf001333.tip.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

When my four year old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother and found a water pistol. He squealed with de- light and headed for the nearest sink. I was not so pleased. I turned to Mom and said, "I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?" Mom smiled and then replied, "I remember."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Action Plus galleries
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Dear Webby: XP and Linux on the same machine 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  August 28, 2008
Tomorrow is Friday, time to wear something red
to show your support for the troops!

I don't necessarily agree with everything I say. --- Obama Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile. --- Albert Schweitzer
Texan prisons have banned convicts on death row from having a last cigarette, on the grounds that it is bad for their health.
Thanks to Jai for sending this picture of a LadySlipper behind her house:
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to John Depew of Salem, Mass World's most prolific bike thief SALEM, Mass. (UPI) -- Police officers in North Andover, Mass., inadvertently interrupted a movie set thinking it was the site of a robbery attempt, a "director" says. "Director" John Depew said he was filming a scene at a North Andover convenience store last weekend when police suddenly stormed in to apprehend their suspects, Boston's WCVB-TV reported. "They came in and they said, 'Drop the gun' and I couldn't see the officer because he was behind (me)," Depew said. "I said, 'It's a movie, it's a movie -- we're filming a movie!'" Depew said two actors playing robbers were placed in handcuffs by the officers, but were released after the situation was explained. WCVB-TV said the confusion was brought about by a mistaken 911 call from someone who said an actual robbery was taking place at the store. Copyright 2008 by United Press International There was no mention why the "director" failed to inform the police beforehand, and why there was no crew holding off bystanders. I hope they made him pay for the call-out.
Charlie had a massive heart attack and died. His body was delivered to the mortuary. He had been wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit at the time of his demise, so he really looked wonderful, considering the circumstances. His wife went to the funeral home to make the final arrangements for his interment. She spoke to the mortician about what her husband would be wearing. The mortician pointed out that the man looked really nice in the black suit he was wearing, and that frankly it would be easier and less expensive to leave him dressed as he was. The woman noted that Charlie had always looked his very best in blue, and that she really wanted him in a blue suit for his trip to eternity. To silence the mortician's continued outcries, she gave him a blank check and said, "I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in the very best blue suit money can buy for the ceremony." The woman came back the next day for the wake. To her delight, she found her Charlie dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fit him perfectly. She said to the mortician, "Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job, and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?" To her astonishment, the mortician presented her with the blank check, indicating there was no charge for these extra services. "No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!" she cried. The mortician responded, "Honestly, ma'am, the change to the blue suit cost nothing. Funny thing, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing an attractive black suit. She indicated that it made no difference, as long as he looked nice... So I switched the heads."
All of the farmers in a small town had gathered together to discuss some important issues. About midway through the meeting, a wife of one of the farmers stood up and spoke her piece. One of the farmers, attempting to show the woman to be ignorant on the subject of farming, stood up and said, "What does she know about anything? I would like to ask her if she knows how many toes a pig has?" Quick as a flash, the woman replied, "Take off your boots Harvey, and count them yourself!"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jai Re: Ubuntu Linux beside XP Dear Webby, Will I be able to install Ubuntu along with XP, and if I cannot handle it, uninstall and still have XP? Or is this asking too much of my lappie? Oh too, the apps I have downloaded, and/or have cd's for, will they run on Ubuntu or are they trash if I move to that OS? Jai Dear Jai With Ubuntu, and most flavors of Linux, you can even run it from a CD. They call it "Live CD". You just boot from the CD, and leave XP on the machine. That's sort of like a trial version. From that you can switch to a permanent Dual-Boot and choose at boot-up whether you want to run Windows or Linux. With the programs, Linux is like UNIX and has it's own set of software. The good news is that in the Linux world most software is free. Some software, like Open Office comes to the Windows World from UNIX / Linux. Have FUN! DearWebby

An off-duty police officer, familiar with radar guns, drove through a school zone within the legal speed limit when the flash of a camera went off, taking a picture of his license plate. The officer, thinking the radar was in error, drove by again; even more slowly. Another flash. He did it again for a third time, at an even slower speed. Same result. "This guy must have screwed up the settings," the off-duty officer thought. A few weeks later, when he received the violations in the mail, he discovered three traffic tickets: each for not wearing a seat belt!

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com College Students and Credit Cards Companies fall over themselves to offer credit to new college students. If you have a child heading off to college, be sure to warn them about this because they can quickly amass high interest credit card debt that could haunt them, and you, for years to come. Visit ThriftyFun for more College Life Tips by clicking here http://www.thriftyfun.com/College%20Life_333.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Police are taking a prisoner to jail when the police cruiser is involved in an accident. The prisoner escapes from the wreckage and runs away across the playground of a kindergarten. As he's running, he shouts, "I'm free! I'm free!" One of the children watching him shouts back, "Big deal. I'm four!"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Typewriter Art
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Dear Webby: Vista to XP upgrade service 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  August 27, 2008

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example. --- Mark Twain
A teenager was sitting in church, and when the collection plate was passed around, he quickly pulled a dollar bill from his pocket and dropped it in. Just then, the person behind him tapped him on his shoulder and handed him a $20 bill. The boy smiled, placed the $20 in the plate and passed it on, admiring that the man was being generous. Then the boy felt another tap from behind and heard a whisper: "Son," the man said, "that was your $20 bill that had fallen out of your pocket."
Thanks to Marie for sending this picture North Shore NFLD
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Igor Kenk, 49, of Toronto, Ontario World's most prolific bike thief Canadian police say they have caught the world's most prolific bike thief. Officers recovered 2,865 stolen bicycles from the owner of a Toronto bike shop, reports The Guardian. Igor Kenk, 49, is awaiting trial on 58 charges of theft, attempted theft, possession of stolen goods and possession of burglary tools. He was arrested after Toronto police, noticing that bike theft had spiked sharply in June, planted bicycles on the streets and watched to see who stole them. As plain clothes officers hid in wait, Kenk and another man walked past. Kenk seemed to tell his companion to cut the locks on two bikes, which he did, before the pair attempted to pedal away. When police raided the Bicycle Clinic, the shop was so jam-packed that the fire service had to remove the upper-floor windows and lower the bikes out by rope. Later, 200 more bikes were seized in Kenk's home, along with large quantities of drugs, in a smart neighbourhood in Toronto. Ten landlords around the city also reported that they had rented garages to Kenk, which were chock-full of bikes. Some 15,000 people have visited the police station garage where the vast collection was taken, hoping to pick out their own lost bikes. Toronto police officers said about 500 people had so far been reunited with their bicycles.
A boy was taking care of his baby sister while his parents went to town shopping. He decided to go fishing and he had to take her along. "I'll never do that again!" he told his mother that evening. "I didn't catch a thing!" "Oh, next time I'm sure she'll be quiet and not scare the fish away," his mother said. The boy said, "It wasn't that. She didn't scare the fish. She ate all the bait."
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said, "Johnny, when I was a child, I was told that if I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that." Little Johnny looked up into her face and replied, "Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Marcella Re: XP installer Dear Webby, I thought I would eventually get used to Vista, but it is like getting used to driving in first gear only. I don't work under the hood on my car, and I would rather have a real professional work on my computers. You have once mentioned a shop in Texas or thereabouts that professionally upgrades Vista machines to XP. Are they still doing that, or did they run out of XP CDs? If they are still doing it, can you please run their address again? Thanks Marcella Dear Marcella Yes, Jerome is indeed still upgrading computers to XP. I guess his reputation is spreading, because that work is 75% of their work now. To negotiate a price and make shipping arrangements, write to jerome@spiritscents.com He uses only legitimate XP CDs, not the Chinese and Russian pirated XP clones, and you won't have any problems with the automatic updates. Have FUN! DearWebby

Before Linda became engaged, she was quite the beauty, and didn't mind letting her boyfriend know it, too. "A lot of men are gonna be totally miserable when I marry," she told him. "Really?" asked the boyfriend, "And, just how many men are you intending to marry?"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Discounts for Installing Windows If you need to replace the windows in your house, see if your electric company offers any rebates or coupons for new window installation. You can usually find significant savings if you replace them at the right time. You should also save your receipts and check for tax incentives when you file. Click Here For More ThriftyFun Home Improvement Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Home%20Improvement_574.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A client brought a litter of golden retriever puppies to my veterinary clinic for inoculations and worming. As the look-alike pups squirmed over and under one another in their box, I realized it would be difficult to tell the treated ones from the rest. So, I turned on the water faucet, wet my fingers, and moistened each dog's head when I had finished. After the fourth puppy, I noticed my talkative client had grown silent. As I sprinkled the last pup's head, the woman leaned forward and whispered, "I didn't know they had to be baptized, too."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: GoldenRay Migration
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Dear Webby: Upgrade Acer with Vista to XP 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  August 26, 2008

Correction re World Record Wheat Harvest. Thanks to Kathie in Montana, the wanna-be's in Kansas are just hoaxers. That record harvest was in Winkler, Manitoba The event, in August 2006, attracted 105 combines to harvest 162 acres of wheat and yield was 65 bushels per acre. By comparison, in 2006, Norton County, Kansas, averaged 27 bushels to the acre, and there has never been a 100 combine harvest in or near Norton, Kansas. Sorry about the initially wrong information! http://www.worldharvestforkids.com/
A drunk at the DNC in Denver walks into a bar full of customers and slurs to the bartender, "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill." So, the bartender does just that and hands the man a bill for 76.00. The drunk says, "I haven't got it." The bartender can't believe it. He picks the guy up, beats the living daylights out of him, then throws him out into the street. The next day the same drunk walks back into the same bar and, slurring as always, says, "Bartender, buy every one in the house a drink and give me the bill." In disgust, the bartender says, "What, no drink for me this time?" The drunk replies, "You? No way! You get too violent when you drink."
Thanks to Ann for sending this picture of her very prolific AngelTrumpet:
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Heidi Dalibor, 20, of Grafton, Wisconsin Failing to appear in court to answer regarding her refusal to pay library fines for two overdue library books. A US woman has been arrested and handcuffed for failing to appear in court to answer regarding her refusal to pay library fines for two overdue library books. Heidi Dalibor, of Grafton, Wisconsin, is the first to admit that she ignored calls and letters from her local library. She also admits that she ignored a notice to appear in municipal court or pay the fine, reports the News Graphic. But the last thing she expected was a knock on her door by Grafton police. "They showed me a warrant they had for my arrest," said Miss Dalibor, 20. "They said they had to cuff me and I said, 'Are you serious?'" She said all she could think about was that her neighbours would not know why she was being led away from her home in handcuffs. Once at the police station, she was fingerprinted and photographed, and the marks and scars on her body recorded. Police Captain Joe Gabrish says officers follow the same procedure with every warrant. Library director John Hanson says a couple of dozen people are cited each year for failure to return materials or pay fines. The incident cost Dalibor about $27 for the two overdue paperbacks - and it cost her mother $150 bail money to free her. -------------- Plus a criminal record for failing to appear in court when ordered.
The teacher wrote "Like I ain't had no fun in months" on the board and then she said, "David , how should I correct that?" David replied, "Maybe get a better boyfriend?"
All he asked for was a little goodnight kiss, but she rebuffed him with, "I don't do that sort of thing on my first date!" .... "Well," he replied with sarcasm, "how about on your last date?"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Hermon Re: Acer with Vista Dear Webby, I read the letter and vote daily and send some parts around the world. thanks for making my day with a great letter. If you had an Acer Aspire 5610Z with Vista pre installed, what would you do to uninstall it and install XP Pro??? Of course we all know you would never have bought the Vista machine , and you tried warning everyone, but some of us Appalachian Americans (better known as Hillbillys) can't walk and chew gum at the same time. Thanks for all the help in the past . Hermon in Kentucky Dear Hermon I would do exactly the same as I did with the computer I bought in the desert, so that I could continue writing and sending out the Humor Letter. All I could get in that desert village was a Vista machine. As soon as I got back to civilization, I stuck an XP set-up-CD into it and installed XP. Nothing to it. I am a hillbilly, not a silly-billy. It may be difficult now to find XP set-up CDs unless you hit the garage sale and look for old klunkers that come with the CD. An alternative is to upgrade your Vista to Vista Ultimate, even though that machine won't be able to run it. If you get a Vista Ultimate license, Microsoft will chalk it up as another Vista sale, and in exchange let you have rights to an XP CD. Microsoft is spending 300 Million dollars to try and make you believe that Vista is not as bad as DOS4, and that any horse can eventually get used to being hobbled. Because of that, most people who stocked up on XP CDs are hanging on to them, but there are a few listed at eBay. However, your best bet is to get the Vista Ultimate + XP from Acer. It will have the drivers that you need. Have FUN! DearWebby

Two Irishmen were sitting in a pub having beer and watching the brothel across the street. They saw a Baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin' bad." Then they saw a rabbi enter the brothel, and the other Irishman said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see that the Jews are fallin' victim to temptation." Then they saw a catholic priest enter the brothel, and one of the Irishmen said, "What a terrible pity... one of the girls must be quite ill."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Borax and Cornmeal for Drying Flowers You can dry flowers using 2 parts borax to 1 part white cornmeal. Add a thin layer of the mixture, then place flowers on top. Slowly add more of the powder until the flowers are covered, pouring on the side rather than right on top, to avoid crushing. Let them sit for 10 days. For More ThriftyFun Craft Tips, Click Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Craft%20Tips_357.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A tiny but dignified old lady was among a group looking at an art exhibition in a newly opened gallery. Suddenly one contemporary painting caught her eye. "What on earth," she inquired of the artist standing nearby, "is that supposed to be?" He smiled condescendingly. "That, my dear lady, is supposed to be a mother and her child." "Well, then," snapped the little old lady, "why isn't it...?"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Drive Pricng
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Dear Webby: Yahoo malfunction 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  August 25, 2008

I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks. --- Totie Fields She had an unequalled gift... of squeezing big mistakes into small opportunities. --- Henry James
Thanks to Ross for bringing back this classic: Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement home in Ft. Lauderdale reminiscing. The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocers and demonstrated with her hands, the length and thickness of a cucumber she could buy for a penny. The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be much bigger and cheaper also, and demonstrated the size of two big onions she could buy for a penny a piece. The third old lady remarked, 'I can't hear a word you're saying, but I remember the guy you're talking about.
Thanks to Dad for sending this picture: This one bloomed today. (Echinocereus brandegeei)
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer, "No, ma'am, we haven't had any for some weeks now, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting any soon." Alarmed by what was being said, the manager rushed over to the customer who was walking out the door and said, "That isn't true, ma'am. Of course, we'll have some soon. In fact, we placed an order for it a couple of weeks ago." Then the manager drew the clerk aside and growled, "Never, never, never, never say we don't have something. If we don't have it, say we ordered it and it's on its way. Now, what was it she asked about?" The clerk smiled and said... "Parking lot robberies." An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jeanne Shahan of Hallandale beach, Florida Police: Grandma left kids in car at casino HALLANDALE BEACH, Fla. (UPI) -- Police in Hallandale Beach, Fla., said a grandmother has been arrested after she left her two grandchildren in the car while she gambled inside a casino. Investigators said Jeanne Shahan left the children, a 14 year old boy and a 2 year old girl, in her car with the windows rolled up for at least an hour and 15 minutes while she gambled at the Mardi Gras Casino, WFOR-TV, Fort lauderdale, Fla., reported Wednesday. "The children seem fine," said Daniel Adkins, a representative from the Mardi Gras Casino. "We brought them inside and they both cooperated, gave us the name of who they were here with and we were able to locate the grandmother." Shahan was charged with two counts of aggravated child neglect.
When Kevin came home, his wife, Liz, was crying. "Your mother insulted me," Liz sobbed. "My mother? How could she do that when she is on vacation on the other side of the world?" Kevin asked. "I know. But this morning a letter addressed to you arrived. I opened it because I was curious." "And?" "At the end of the letter it said, 'P.S. Dear Liz, when you have finished reading this letter, don't forget to give it to my son."
The first mate on a ship decided to celebrate an occasion with a "little" stowed away rum. Unfortunately he got drunk and was still drunk the next morning. The captain saw him drunk and when the first mate was sober, showed him the following entry in the ship's log: "The first mate was drunk today." "Captain, please don't let that stay in the log," the first mate pleaded. "This could add months or even years, to my becoming a captain myself." "Is it true?" asked the captain, already knowing the answer. "Yes, it's true," the first mate said, lowering his head. The captain growled, "Then if it is true it must be written in the log. That's the rule. If it's true it goes into the log. End of discussion." Weeks later, it was the first mate's turn to make the log entries. The first mate wrote: "The ship seems in good shape. The captain was sober today."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: William Re: Yahoo malfunction Dear Webby, When I open you letter now, I get all the ads on the left just fine, however there is nothing on the right in the body of the letter. So I clicked "reply" to write this message and now I can read everything in the body of the letter on my "reply" message. This is on a yahoo acount that I have been using for better than 10 years. However, they seem to have made so changes as of late to the way it operates. Any clues? Thanks, William Dear William That is just a routine Yahoo malfunction. As you saw, you DID receive the entire Humor Letter, they just don't let you see it, until you threaten to reply or forward. Probably they are sick and tired of you and want you to graduate and get a grown-ups type address. Many thousands have graduated, and you can do it too! Have FUN! DearWebby

An Irish man walks into a pub and the bartender asks him, "What'll you have?" The man says, "Give me three pints of Guinness, please." So, the bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they're gone. Then he orders three more. The bartender says, "Sir, I know you like them cold. You don't have to order three at a time. I can keep an eye on it and when you get low I'll bring you a fresh cold one." The man says, "You don't understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the States. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night we'd still drink together. So, right now, my brothers have three Guinness Stouts too, and we're drinking together." The bartender thought that was a wonderful tradition. Every week the man came in and ordered three beers. Then one week he came in and ordered only two. He drank them and then ordered two more. The bartender said to him, "I know what your tradition is, and I'd just like to say that I'm sorry that one of your brothers died." The man said, "Oh, me brothers are fine. Me wife made me join the baptists and it's me who had to quit drinking.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Buyer Protection For Online Auction Purchases PayPal and other programs provide buyer protection for online auctions. The problem with this protection is that it doesn't necessarily cover the full price of your bid. Purchases are currently protected for only up $1,000, so expensive items will only be partially covered. For More ThriftyFun Shopping Tips, Click Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Budget%20and% ... 2_472.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: The 2009 Farmers Almanac, due to go on sale later this week, predicts that there won't be any Gullible Warming tis coming winter. That means heating fuel prices will increase between now and March. Get your firewood, heating oil, propane, pellets, coal, cornhusks, whatever, as soon as you can afford. None of them spoil, and you will need lots this coming winter. DearWebby

A couple had been married for 45 years, had raised a brood of 11 children and were blessed with 22 grandchildren. When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replied, "Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: West Texas
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Dear Webby: What files does CrapCleaner delete 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  August 24, 2008

A great new search engine that pays you! Free for you! You get paid for searching! I never teach my pupils; I only attempt to provide the conditions in which they can learn." --- Albert Einstein
A man was brought to Mercy Hospital, and went in for coronary surgery. The operation went well, and as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy waiting by his bed. "Mr. Smith, you're going to be just fine," the nun said while patting his hand. "We do have to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?" "No, I'm not," the man whispered hoarsely. "Can you pay in cash?" "I'm afraid I can't, Sister." "Do you have any close relatives, then?" "Just my sister in New Mexico," the patient replied. "But she's a spinster nun." "Nuns are not spinsters, Mr. Smith," the nun replied. "They are married to God." "Okay," the man said with a smile. "Then send the bill to my brother-in-law."
Thanks to Jerry for sending this picture : Bike lane ?
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Re yesterday's bonehead award, from Gary Dear Webby You missed the funniest part - two nights later they were both arrested AGAIN, and were both tazered AGAIN ! http://snipurl.com/3j809 http://dlisted.com/node/27863 :-) Gary An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to John Pearce, 32, of Dartford, Kent, England Burglar hanging in there As a burglar, John Pearce thinks nothing of turning his victims' homes upside down. But this time it was the house that turned him the wrong way up. Attempting a daylight raid, the 32-year-old somehow got his foot caught after smashing his way through the front window of a Victorian terrace home at 6pm. Unable to free himself, Pearce was left hanging upside down in the window frame for more than an hour as a crowd of 30 neighbours, police, EMTs and passers-by gathered to ridicule him. It seems they were waiting for more photographers to arrive. http://snipurl.com/3j81j
A Father, passing through his son's college town late one night on a business trip, thought he would pay a surprise visit to the boy. Arriving at the fraternity house, he knocked on the door. After several minutes of knocking, a sleepy voice drifted down from a second floor window. "Whaddya want?" "Does Jimmy Duncan live here?" asked the father. "Yeah!" replied the voice. "Just dump him on the front porch. We'll hose him down and drag him in in the morning."
A man was sick, he constantly gasped for breath and his eyes bulged. The doctors didn't give him long to live. He decided to live it up. Withdrawing all of his money from the bank, he went on a shopping spree. His last stop was at the most expensive haberdashery in the city. He pointed out a dozen silk shirts. He wore a size fourteen. The clerk said, "Your neck looks bigger than fourteen. You need a sixteen." The man said, "I know my size. I want them in a fourteen." The clerk said, "I'll get them for you, but I want to warn you...if you wear a fourteen you'll gasp all day and your eyes will bulge."
Still available! Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: Shonda Re: Does CrapCleaner delete pictures Dear Webby, I download the c cleaner, will this make away with my pictures I have saved to my cp, if I do a clean up. Thank You Shonda Dear Shonda No, CrapCleaner does not touch pictures. It cleans left-over fragments from closed programs, which still hang in the RAM memory, and whatever you see in the list that it shows you. Take the checkmark off the cookies. All other defaults are fine as they are. Have FUN! DearWebby

Waxing eloquent on the dangers of sinning, one dynamic young preacher boomed to the congregation from the pulpit, "Brothers and sisters, if there are any among you who have sinned and are unrepentant, may your tongue cleave to the woof of your mouf!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Muddy Foot Prints on Carpet Here's a tip for dealing with wet, muddy foot print on carpet. Sprinkle cornstarch over the foot print and let it dry. Once dry, vacuum up the cornstarch. In any case, mud is always much easier to remove when it is dry, if you try to clean it when it is wet, you just spread it around. Click Here For More Carpet Cleaning Tips From ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/Cleaning_Carpet_296_304.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A golf match is a test of your hard earned skill against your opponent's dumb luck.

Thanks to Ang for today's Bonus Link: Horses and the Flying Frenchman
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Dear Webby: How do I burn Audio CDs? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  August 23, 2008

No man is exempt from saying silly things; the mischief is to say them deliberately. --- Michel de Montaigne Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. ---P.J. O'Rourke
Doctor: "Madame, I'd like to give you a thorough examination. Please take off all your clothes." Patient: "But doctor, I only stopped by for the blood test results. Dr. Johnson found me in perfect condition just yesterday." Doctor: "So he told me . . . so he told me."
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture :
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Andy Somora, 29, and Anna Pastuszwska, 28, both formerly of Chicago Bride and groom arrested at reception LAKESIDE, Mich. (UPI) -- A wedding reception in Lakeside, Mich., ended with the bride and groom spending the night in separate jail cells after a melee, police said. Investigators said Andy Somora, 29, and Anna Pastuszwska, 28, both formerly of Chicago, were shocked with police stun guns and arrested at the July 19 reception at Burnison Galleries after police officers from 14 departments were called to calm things down, the Chicago Sun-Times reported. "The short version of the story is they didn't want to quit their partying," said Mike Sepic, Berrien County's chief assistant prosecutor. "If you put this in the class of wedding receptions gone bad, I guess this would take the cake." Somora's father, uncle, aunt and cousin also were arrested. Somora pleaded guilty to a felony charge of resisting and obstructing police. The groom, who also was charged with disturbing the peace, could face imprisonment at his Sept. 15 sentencing for the felony charge. Pastuszwska pleaded guilty to a reduced charge after she was initially accused of resisting and obstructing. She was fined $600. Copyright 2008 by United Press International ----------------- cops from 14 police departments! That must have been some fight!
Thanks to Irene for this story: It was cold and rainy at the Atlantic Ocean resort where I was spending my vacation, but I finally bundled up and went down to the beach. There I saw a man in a bathing suit, lying on a large beach blanket. I walked up to him and asked why he was punishing himself that way. "I've been saving up all year for this vacation so I could get some color," he said. "And I'm going to get it - even if it's blue."
In a physics lab, which involved light, electricity and magnetism, one requirement of the course was to read the week's experiment before coming to class. At one lab session the instructor wanted to see how many people had actually done so. "What are the two types of light?" he asked. The lab fell quiet until one wise guy raised his hand and said, "Uhhh, Miller and Coors?"
Still available! Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carolyn Re: Burning Audio CDs Dear Webby, I got up the courage to switch from Internet Explorer to Mozilla Firefox and I love Firefox!!! So glad I heard of it from your newsletter. Should I delete Internet Explorer altogether or just leave it on my computer? One more question - I downloaded some songs on a CD and I can play them fine on my laptop computer but when I tried them in my car, nothing plays, can't play them anywhere except my computer.I put them on a CD-RW. Why can't I hear the music at other sources? Thanks and I love your newsletter - you help so much, I have no one else to ask so I am thankful for you! Carolyn Dear Carolyn Best not to delete IE. To make the sheep believe that IE loads faster than other browsers, Microsoft loads big chunks of IE during boot-up. Since those pieces are now already loaded, other parts of Windows also use them. Best is to leave it installed. It does not take that much space. re Audio CDs: The car does not have a computer for playing Data CDs. It just has an Audio CD player. Good information on how to burn Audio CDs is at Burn Audio CDs Have FUN! DearWebby

There is a theory which states that if anyone ever discovers exactly what the Universe is for, and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Painting Tips: Keep Paint Drips Off Light Fixtures To prevent drips on ceiling light fixtures, cover them with a plastic bag. Turn off the lights first so you don't melt the bags! Secure the bag where the fixture meets the ceiling with masking table. Plastic grocery bags work well for this, just cut off the handles so they don't get in the way. Click Here For More Painting Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Home%20Improv ... 4_611.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

One evening a preschooler, Krystal, and her parents were sitting on the couch chatting. Krystal asked, " Daddy, you're the boss of the house, right?" Her father proudly replied, "Yes, I am the boss of the house." But Krystal quickly burst his bubble when she added, "Cause Mommy gave you that job, Daddy?"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Lifelike Animation
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Dear Webby: PayPal Spoof 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  August 22, 2008

Today is Friday, time to wear something red
to show your support for the troops!

There are two kinds of people, those who finish what they start and so on. --- Robert Byrne Two paradoxes are better than one; they may even suggest a solution. --- Edward Teller
Thanks to Gloria for bringing back this classic: With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old friend of mine was able to give birth. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, I went to visit. 'May I see the new baby?' I asked 'Not yet,' She said 'I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while first.' Thirty minutes had passed, and I asked, 'May I see the new baby now?' No, not yet,' She said. After another few minutes had elapsed, I asked again, 'May I see the baby now?' 'No, not yet,' replied my friend. Growing very impatient, I asked, 'Well, when can I see the baby?' 'WHEN HE CRIES!' she told me. 'WHEN HE CRIES?' I demanded. 'Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?' 'BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM, O.K.?!!'
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture : Record setting harvest was done in 2008, in Norton , Kansas 160 acres was harvested with 100 combines and several grain trucks in 10 minutes and 15 seconds. The picture shows about half of the combines involved. These have already completed one run the length of the field and are now coming back for the swaths left standing between each machine's path. This record will be entered in the Guinness World. Proceeds of this crop is to be sent to a kids camp.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Felix Adler, 40, of Cham, Germany Man left naked and broke A trusting German had to jog two miles naked to a police station after a woman promised him sex and then ran off with his clothes. Felix Adler, 40, said he met the 24-year-old woman in a bar in Cham in southern Germany and they walked to woods on the edge of town where she begged him to have sex. But as he stripped off, she fled with his clothes - including his wallet with £800 in it. He managed to make his way to the police station and gave a full description of the woman to police who later tracked her down. A police spokesman said: "He was very embarrassed and very cold by the time he got to the police station." http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_29 ... rangecrime
"Grandma, how long have you and Grandpa been married?" asked young Nina. "Fifty years," Grandma replied. "That is so wonderful," exclaimed Nina. "And I bet in all that time, you never once thought about divorce, right?" "Right Nina. Divorce, NEVER. Murder, lots of times, but never divorce."
A farmer stood leaning on a fence at the edge of his property. He watched as a red sports car came over the top of a hill and followed the road up to the spot where he stood. The driver pulled over to the side of the road and called out to the farmer. "Do you know how I can get to Route 91?" the driver asked. The farmer thought for a few seconds. Then he said, "Nope." "Do you know where the nearest turnpike entrance is?" the driver asked. "Nope," the farmer replied. "How about the town of Hadley. Do you know which direction it is from here?" "Nope." Exasperated, the driver raced his engine. "You don't know very much, do you?" he said. "Nope," the farmer replied. "But I'm not lost."
Still available! Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: Glenn Re: PayPal Dear Webby, this came in, and I have had no busineess with PayPal. It did not have my email address or my name, just the name of the buyer as John Angel, and my name in Glenn Dix. Any suggestions? I tried the link, and it said the page could not be displayed. Thank you for any help. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: support@PayPal.Inc.com Subject: Dispute Transaction Date: Thu, 14 Aug 2008 16:44:14 +0300 ....... Dear Glenn That is a typical hoax. Hover, but don't click over the dispute transaction link. You will see in the status line that it actually goes to some number domain. Luckily somebody had already reported the same stuff to spoof@paypal.com and PayPal did the digital equivalent of nuking that site. That is why you got a "Page not found" instead of a trojan invasion. Just dump it and next time, don't click on anything suspicious! Hover the mouse over links and watch the status line, but don't click! Have FUN! DearWebby

The wealthy wife of a very successful Jewish businessman went to the portrait artist for her first sitting. The portrait, a gift for her husband. She explained to the artist what she wanted: "You should paint me like I am. These little wrinkles, you put them on your canvas. The lines under my eyes, the flab on my arms, the turn in my nose, and the mole on my cheek, they all stay... BUT on my hands you put lots of rings with big diamonds and emeralds and bright jewels. Around my neck you put chains of gold and diamonds. Do you understand?" The artist looked at her in earnest and asked why she should want such detail of real life in her physical appearance, but adorn herself with the phony jewelry. She replied: "I am not well. When I die my husband will re-marry. The new wife, she should go crazy looking for the jewels."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Saving Money on Appliances Always try to save up for large appliance purchases rather than putting them on a credit card. High interest credit cards can result in paying double for the appliances if you don't pay them off aggressively. Also, be sure to check the local want ads for used appliances. Click Here For More Budget and Finance Tips From ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/Budget%20and% ... e_442.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Everybody who has a dog calls him Rover or Boy. I call mine Sex. He's a great pal, but he has caused me a great deal of embarrassment. When I went to city hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk I would like a license for Sex. He said, I'd like one too! I said, But this is a dog.. He said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, You don't understand. I've had Sex, since I was 9 years old. He winked and said You must have been quite a kid. When I married and went on my honeymoon. I took the dog with me. I told the motel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me, and a special room for Sex. He said, You don't need a special room. As long as you pay your bill, we don't care what you do. One day, I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there, looking disappointed. I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me I should have sold my own tickets. When my wife and I separated we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married. The judge said, The courtroom isn't a confessional. Stick to the case please. Then I told him that after I was married, Sex left me. He said, Me too. Last night, Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over town for him. A cop came over to me and asked, "What are you doing in this alley at 4 o'clock in the morning?" I told him that I was looking for Sex. My case comes up Friday.

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Lifelike Animation
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Dear Webby: myMemorizer 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  August 21, 2008

Tomorrow is Friday, time to wear something red
to show your support for the troops!

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so." --- Douglas Adams If you want to cut down on the number of relatives who are hanging around, borrow money from the rich ones and lend money to the ones who are poor. You will never see any of them again. --- Socratex
A middle aged man wasn't feeling well, so he went to the doctor for a check up. After a thorough examination, the doctor said, "Well, based on my examination, the best thing for you is to cut out all sweets and fatty foods, give up sex and alcohol, and stop smoking." The man said, "Well, to be honest with you Doc, I don't deserve the best. What's the second best?"
Thanks to Marie for sending this picture :
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Tom Biscardi, bigfoot "expert" Sent in by Ross Searching for Bigfoot group to sue Georgia hoaxers By CHRISTIAN BOONE, KATHY JEFCOATS, etc. Wednesday, August 20, 2008 They claim their hoax was not for profit, but Atlanta residents Matthew Whitton and Rick Dyer received $50,000 from a California Bigfoot tracker who now plans to sue to get the money back. The two Georgia men’s tale of having found a Bigfoot carcass in the North Georgia woods really started to stink when California Bigfoot enthusiasts finally examined the body and found it was just a costume. “There will be legal action” said Catherine Ortez, who works for Searching for Bigfoot, Inc. in in Menlo Park, Calif. The organization paid for rights to the men’s story and their find. “If this was a joke, it was very methodical and thought-out,” she said. The Searching for Bigfoot, Inc site was founded by Tom Biscardi, who authenticated and promoted the alleged Georgia Sasquatch. Biscardi, who did not return calls requesting comment, has his own credibility issues, according to a police officer in a nearby jurisdiction. “He was involved in a similar hoax a few years back,” said Agent Dan Ryan with the Palo Alto (Calif.) Police Department. In an interview with WSB-TV Wednesday night, Whitton and Dyer’s attorney, Steve Lister, blamed Biscardi for blowing his clients’ joke out of proportion. “It started off as some YouTube videos and a Web site,” said Whitton, “We’re all about having fun.” Whitton, 28, a Clayton County police officer for six years and on medical leave since he was shot in the wrist by a robbery suspect this spring, was fired by a hysterically irate Police Chief Jeffrey Turner Tuesday after news of the hoax spread. Dyer, 31, is a former Clayton County corrections officer. Though, according to their site, the pair are not averse to making money off their amusement. For $500, you can join them for a Bigfoot expedition. They also sell Sasquatch-related T-shirts and caps. The answering machine on a “tip line” connected to the pair’s Web site, which still advertises $499 Bigfoot “expeditions,” says they’re still out searching for Sasquatch — as well as leprechauns, dinosaurs, unicorns, Jimmy Hoffa and Elvis. http://www.ajc.com/metro/content/metro/ ... wsuit.html
After the birth of their child, an Episcopal priest, wearing his clerical collar, visited his wife in the hospital. He greeted her with a hug and a kiss, and gave her another hug and kiss when he left. Later, the wife's roommate commented: "Your pastor is sure friendlier than mine."
Three preachers sat discussing the best positions for prayer, while a telephone repairman worked nearby. One preacher claimed, "Kneeling is definitely best." "No," another contended. "I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven." "You're both wrong," the third insisted. "The most effective prayer position is lying prostrate, face down on the floor." The repairman could contain himself no longer. "Hey, fellas," he interrupted, "the best prayin' I ever did was hangin' upside down from a telephone pole in a thunderstorm."
Still available! Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jim Re: myMemorizer Hi Webby I enjoy starting every day with your email and thank Martin for recommending it. Check out mymemorizer.com and consider recommending it. Like so many people, I was forgetting appointments etc and putting them on the computer didn't help as I'd forget to look daily. Mymemorizer is like gmail - server based, and it's neatest feature is that it will send you up to 4 emails reminding you of appointments, birthdays, anniversaries etc. The emails can be sent on the day of the event, one day before, two days before, one week before or whatever you select AND, the event can repeat annually so you can put in birthdays and anniversaries once and forget them. Since it is server based, you also can access it from any computer with internet access using your id and pw. And, since we all open our mail the first thing every morning to look for our webby.com humor letter, we will NEVER forget another appointment. Jim Dear Jim I had a look at it, and was quite impressed. http://www.mymemorizer.com/ Unlike Rainlendar, which I have previously recommended, myMemorizer is not on your computer, but on a server. If something happens to your computer or you lose your data, your spouse's birthday and all other imprtant dates are still safely on-line in your myMemorizer. Don't look for longwinded instructions or help files. It is surprisingly easy to use. Just play with it. Thanks to Jim for this tip! I also put it into my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools Have FUN! DearWebby

One night a father was helping his son with his homework. The father asked, "What is the Gross National Product?" His son pondered for a minute and replied, "Spinach?"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Back To School Routine Start getting your back to school routine started. Have your kids wake up and go sleep at the same time they will the week before school starts. Also serve dinner at the same time you will when school starts. It will make the transition much easier for them and for you. Visit ThriftyFun for more Back To School Tips by clicking here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Back%20To%20School_2.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front door onto the porch. Someone called 911. When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint. "It was enough to make anybody faint," he said. "My son asked me for the keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out, he came out with the lawn mower."
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Dear Webby: SP3 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  August 20, 2008

"In a time of drastic change it is the learners who inherit the future. The learned usually find themselves equipped to live in a world that no longer exists." --- Eric Hoffer
An Western Canadian was visiting Montreal and was wandering through a park with a local. Suddenly a strange bird scurried in front of them. Asked by the visitor what the bird was, the Quebecer replied, "That's a bird of paradise." The Western Canadian walked on in silence for a moment, then said, "Long way from home, isn't it?"
Thanks to Joanne for this picture of her canna: :
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to crooked gas buyers in San Antonio Sent in by Deeli Not Neighborly SAN ANTONIO (UPI) -- A "pump malfunction" sold premium gasoline for 38 cents a gallon to crooked customers for several hours at a San Antonio convenience store, the manager says. Jim Duke, manager of the Dill Food Mart, said he checked it out Thursday after watching an unusually large crowd gassing up at one particular pump Wednesday afternoon. "I was inside and they were paying at the pump and nobody came in so nobody told me what was happening," Duke told WOAI-AM. He found to his chagrin that "a decimal point had slipped" and instead of selling premium gas for $3.89 a gallon, the pump was dispensing it for 38 cents a gallon. "We lost a lot of money," Duke said, although he wasn't sure yet how much. Business was way down at that pump Thursday afternoon. Copyright 2008 by United Press International
A man returned from a very fancy hospital and was telling his friend all about his experience. Man: The hospital I was in was very specialized. Friend: How so ? Man: They had a food nurse who gave you food. They had a drug nurse who gave you drugs. They had a coffee nurse who gave you coffee. Then there was the head nurse...
The old man was a witness in a burglary trial.The defense lawyer asks Sam, "Did you see my client commit this burglary?" "Yes," said Sam , "I saw him plainly take the goods." The lawyer asks Sam again, "Sam, this happened at night. Are you sure you saw my client commit this crime?" "Yes" says Sam, "I saw him do it." Then the lawyer asks Sam, "Sam listen, you are 80 years old and your eyesight probably is bad. Just how far can you see at night?" Sam says, "I can see the moon, how far is that?"
Still available! Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: Patricia Re: SP3 Hi Webby, I have just received a Windows update that XPSP3 is ready to download. Is it safe to download it? Patricia Dear Patricia No, SP3 is not safe for all computers. You can download the SP3 BLOCKER from my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools Have FUN! DearWebby

There were three men at a bar. One man got drunk and started a fight with the other two men. The police came and took the drunk guy to jail.The next day the man went before the judge. The judge asked the man, "Where do you work?" The man said, "Here and there." The judge asked the man, "What do you do for a living?" The man said, "This and that." The judge then said, "Take him away." The man said, "Wait, judge, when will I get out?" The judge said to the man, "Sooner or later..."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Create Your Ideal Budget List everything and how much you spend each month. Then look for ways to cut spending in each category and then list the ideal amount next to current amount. At the end of the month, calculate your spending and see how close you came to meeting your ideal spending amounts. Visit ThriftyFun for more Budgeting Tips by clicking here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Budget%20and% ... 2_450.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Old man Zack had an incredible mule. They had been together for years and stayed pretty much to themselves. One day, Zack and his mule were walking down the road when a passerby asked if Zack needed a ride to town. Zack accepted the offer and the driver asked, "What about your mule?" Zack said, "Oh, don't worry about him. He'll keep up." Then Zack got into the truck while his mule ran along behind. The driver was a little cruel and decided to speed up a little. The mule was right in back of them as they reached 55 mph. The driver accelerated and the mule and stayed with them. They reached 70 miles per hour and the mule was still right behind them. The driver couldn't believe this. He turned to Zack and said, "I'm worried about your mule. His tongue is hanging out." Zack said, "Which way?" The driver said, "Left." And Zack said, "Well, stay in this lane, he's about to pass."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: FREE Teacher Supplies: Also check out Montana plant life
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Dear Webby: leave the computer on or turn it off? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  August 19, 2008

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. --- Peter De Vries By the time we've made it, we've had it. --- Malcolm Forbes
During class, the chemistry professor was demonstrating the properties of various acids. "Now I'm going to drop this silver coin into this glass of acid. Will it dissolve?" "No sir," one student called out. "No?" queried the professor. "Perhaps you can explain why the silver won't dissolve in this particular acid." "Because if it would, you wouldn't have dropped it in!"
Thanks to Marie for sending this picture: :
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Belgian sports minister Michel Daerden Olympic drunk is sports minister A drunk fan of Olympic competitors from Belgium has been identified as the country's sports minister. A loud Belgian fan had been shouting out during a doubles match between Argentinian and Belgian players. Eventually Argentine tennis ace David Nalbandian lost his temper and told him to be quiet. But other Belgian supporters recognised the "very drunk" man as sports minister Michel Daerden, media in the country have reported. Daerden was also spotted drunk when cheering on the Belgian hockey team from the stands, say reports. One Belgian fan, Marc Demeyer, said: "He was drunk as a skunk. It's an embarrassment for the nation."
Two American women stopping at the Hotel in Lisbon wanted another chair in their room. The steward who answered their ring could not understand English. One of the women pointed to the only chair in the room, then tried pantomime, seating herself in an imaginary chair. With a knowing smile, the steward bowed and motioned for her to follow him. At the end of the corridor, he stopped, smiled, and bowed again, and pointed triumphantly to the door of the Ladies Room.
A doctor examined a woman and took her husband aside. "I don't want to alarm you," he said, "but I don't like the way your wife looks at all." "Me neither, Doc." said the husband. "But she's a great cook and real good with the kids."
Still available! Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: Debby Re: leave computer on at night? Hi Webby, I leave my computer on 24/7. Should I turn it off at night? How much electricity is it using to keep it on? What is better for the machine. Love your advice and daily newsletter and jokes. This is not the first time I have picked your brain and probably won't be the last! Thanks Webby. Debby Dear Debby Yes, it is much better to turn your computer off at night. It saves electricity both directly and indirectly, since you don't need AC to get rid of the 500 Watts of heat it produces. So you actually save 1 KW per hour. Turning it off also saves wear and tear on the hard drive. Have FUN! DearWebby

On the first day of school, the principal made his rounds, and heard a terrible commotion coming from one of the classrooms. He rushed in and spotted one boy, taller than the others, who seemed to be making the most noise. He seized the lad, dragged him to the hall, and told him to wait there until he was excused. Returning to the classroom, the principal restored order and lectured the class for half an hour about the importance of good behavior. When he was finished, he said, "Now, are there any questions?" One girl stood up timidly and said, "Please, sir, may we have our teacher back?"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Crochet Ball Holder Install a toilet paper roll holder on the edge of your craft table to hold your crochet balls. It makes it easy to dispense yarn as your work on your project. If you want to use more than one color at the same time, you can install a more than one toilet paper holder. To See More ThriftyFun Craft Tips, Click Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Craft%20Tips_357.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The tiresome jury selection process continued, each side hotly contesting and dismissing potential jurors. Another man was called for his question session. "Property holder?" "Yes, I am, Your Honor." "Married or single?" "Married for twenty years, Your Honor." "Formed or expressed an opinion?" "Not in twenty years, Your Honor."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: FREE Teacher Supplies: Also check out Lessontutor.com
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Dear Webby: Browser crashes 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  August 18, 2008

Meetings are indispensable when you don't want to do anything. --- John Kenneth Galbraith
A busload of new recruits arrived at the reception center, and was greeted by an old drill sergeant. He began his speech: "Welcome to Fort Dix, men. From now on, I want you to think of the Army as your family and as your home." Hearing this, one of the recruits broke formation, sat down and lit a cigarette. "Private, what on earth are you doing?" asked the sergeant. "Well," said the private, "I'm just making myself at home. Like you said, this is my home." Thinking fast, the sergeant said, "Son, you listen good, and you're right. This is your home. So, as soon as you finish that cigarette, I want you to report to the mess hall to help your mother with the dishes for the next two weeks."
Thanks to Jai for this picture: : A photo I took of a butterfly on my Zinnia. It is in the Fritillary family, I do not know exactly which one tho. Jai...>^.^<...
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a burglar in Wichita, Kansas Sent in by Ross Burglar flees in boxers, with jeans left in washer A Kansas burglar apparently likes to be clean - but isn't so good about clean getaways. Police in Wichita say it appears a man broke into a house Friday night to wash his clothes but fled in boxers, with his jeans still in the washer. Here's what happened: A woman reported that she returned home, found her basement laundry room in disarray and went upstairs to call her husband. That's when a man wearing only blue boxer shorts came upstairs, grabbed her purse and ran out the door. Police Sgt. Diane Varnell says the woman chased him and recovered her purse, but the burglar is still on the loose. http://www.bakersfield.com/917/story/525830.html
Every morning for years, at about 11:30, the telephone operator in a small Sierra-Nevada town received a call from a man asking the exact time. One day the operator summed up nerve enough to ask him why the regularity. "I'm foreman of the local sawmill," he explained. "Every day I have to blow the whistle at noon so I call you to get the exact time." The operator giggled, "That's really funny," she said. "All this time we've been setting our clock by your whistle.
A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17." The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only 16 chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."
Still available! Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: Harry Re: IE crashing Dear Webby I run my machine as clean as fresh out of the box, but about two or three times a day, IE crashes. What is the cause of that? Harry Dear Harry the cause of that is sloppy programming. There is nothing you can do about it. It happens to me too, and seems to be related to some of the piece-meal bits of the SP3 that Microsoft rams down our hard drives with the regular updates. I don't think they are purposely trying to poison XP, it seems to be just routine klutziness. Just use FireFox. If you visit exactly the same sites in the same time period with FireFox, there won't be a single browser crash. For those sites that require IE, you can use Maxthon, the Chinese IE clone. It seems to be more stable than the original IE. Have FUN! DearWebby

The owner of a business was confused about paying a bill, so he asked his secretary for some mathematical help... "If I were to give you $200, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" he asked her. The secretary replied, "Everything but my earrings!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Organizing Baby Clothes Baby or toddler clothes often come in outfits, matching top and bottom, maybe even a hat and socks. To easily keep these items together, fold them and put them in large zip-lock bags before putting them away. You will be able to easily see the outfit and the bags and be used over and over again. For More Organizing Clothing Tips on ThriftyFun, Click Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Organizing_Cl ... 9_679.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

I have a friend who filled his car with gas at a self-service gas station. After he had paid and driven away, he realized that he had left the gas cap on top of his car. He stopped and looked and, sure enough, it was lost. Well, he thought for a second and realized that other people must have done the same thing, and that it was worth going back to look by the side of the road since even if he couldn't find his own gas cap, he might be able to find one that fit. Sure enough, he hadn't been searching long when he found a gas cap. He tried it on, and it went into place with a satisfying click. "Great," he thought, "I lost my gas cap, but I found another one that fits. And this one's even better, because it locks..."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: World's largest truck stop
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Dear Webby: Saving to CD 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  August 17, 2008

Procrastination isn't the problem, it's the solution. So procrastinate now, don't put it off. --- Ellen DeGeneres My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. --- Rodney Dangerfield
A wife, one evening, drew her husband's attention to the young couple next door and said, "Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don't you do that?" "I would love to," replied the husband, "but I don't know her well enough..."
Thanks to Sandie for this picture: :
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a school teacher in Haverfordwest, England Woman ‘tricked into sex’ by penis cream treatment A Syrian-born airline pilot allegedly tricked a schoolteacher from Haverfordwest into having sex with him by pretending he had to administer ointment on the end of his penis, a jury heard Tuesday. The teacher claims she put up with the treatment for nine months before telling her doctor. Sbano was arrested at Heathrow while attending a pilots' training facility. He claimed the woman had invented the entire story about the "treatment". Sbano, from Harrow, London, denies nine charges of rape and 11 or obtaining money by deception. During the trial, the prosecution had alleged that Syrian-born Mr Sbano fooled the woman into believing he could cure her herpes by having sex using cream. He was also accused of deceiving both the woman and her mother into giving him thousands of pounds to buy the cream and to receive treatment for cancer. The trial ended before Mr Sbano could give evidence, when the judge halted it because "matters had come to light which would require more investigation". http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/wales/6611735.stm
A boy was smoking and leaving smoke rings into the air. A girl standing next to him got irritated with the smoke and said to the boy "Can't you see the warning written on the cigarette package, smoking may be bad for your health" ? The boy replied: "I am a software engineer. we don't worry about warnings, we only worry about errors"
A wife is sitting in the living room watching TV, when all of a sudden she hears her husband in the bedroom, swearing up a storm. He is using every bad word in the book. The wife runs into the bedroom to see what is going on. She finds her husband just sitting on the bed. She asks her husband, "honey, what happened? Did you fall down and get hurt or something?" The husband looks up and replies, "no, I'm fine. I'm just practicing." The wife gets a real confused look on her face, and said, "practicing? Practicing for what?" Then the husband says, "The company golf tournament tomorrow!"
Still available! Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: Mary Re: Save to CD OK I give up......I have been trying to figure out how to file to a CD. I have lots of recipes on my hard drive that I need to remove to another file (a CD). I have read the directions from the book that came with my computer....& I just can't figure out how to file to a CD. I have Outlook Express and Word XP on computer. There has got to be a simple easy way to do this. Can you help me? Mary in FL Dear Mary First save those files to an easy to find location, for example a desktop folder. Then put a writable CD into the burner. After a few seconds a File Explorer window will open, showing you the CD. Squish that File explorer window to the side, so that you can see it, and the desktop folder with the recipes. Highlight the recipe folder, hold down CTRL, and drag it to the File Explorer window that shows the CD. Don't take the CD out yet! Right-click in the File Explorer window and select "Write these files to CD". They are just ready to be written, but not completely nailed down yet. At this stage you can still weed out stuff like thumbs.db and similar accidentally copied but not needed files. After you click on "Write these files to CD", it is too late. Then they are already burned onto the CD. Once the burning has been completed, the CD tray usually opens automatically. Have FUN! DearWebby

A man is on his death bed with his wife by his side. In his faint, dying breath he tells her that there are two times he suspects she cheated on him and he would like to know the truth, the whole truth, before he dies. Rather hesitantly, she agrees to tell him everything ... the full truth. "Well first," she begins, "remember when you lost your job and a week later you got it back with a big raise?" He slowly nods understandingly. Then she tells him, "Do you remember when the IRS was going to do the big audit on you and a week later they dropped the audit and gave us a big refund instead?" He again weakly nods in understanding. Then he strains to ask, "Were there any more times that you cheated on me." Even more hesitantly, she says "Yes dear. There was just one more time." "Ohhhh," he sighs in agony. "You must tell me." "Ok ... but only because you insist, dear," she stammers. "Remember the time when you were elected president of the golf club, but you were so sure you were going to lose by 23 votes?" "Oh yes ... I remember," winced the dying old man. SUDDENLY, he shot up in his bed and exclaimed, "DAMN ... and I won by 45 votes!!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Ironing Tip: Scorched Clothing If you accidentally scorch a cotton shirt with an iron, you may be able to save it. Quickly put the shirt in ice cold water and let it soak overnight. Then treat the stain and wash as normal. For More Laundry Tips on ThriftyFun, Click Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Cleaning_Laundry_296_318.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A church had a man in the choir who couldn't sing. Several people hinted to him that he could serve in other places, but he continued to come to the choir. The choir director became desperate and went to the priest. "You've got to get that man out of the choir," he said. "If you don't, I'm going to resign. The choir members are going to quit too. Please do something." So the priest went to the man and suggested, "Perhaps you should leave the choir." "Why should I get out of the choir?" he asked. "Well, five or six people have told me you can't sing." That's nothing," the man snorted. "Fifty people have told me that you can't preach!"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Art of Zaremba: (be sure to check out the galleries!)
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Dear Webby: Fake invitations 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  August 16, 2008

Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings. --- Evan Esar
Thanks to Sandie for this story: I was talking on the phone with my son, who was stationed in Hawaii with the Air Force. He was explaining how the troops were learning to scuba-dive. "We used the buddy system," he said, "and occasionally dived into shark-infested waters." Listening on the extension, my daughter asked, "What do you do if you see a shark?" My son said, "Swim faster than my buddy."
Thanks to Noella for sending this picture taken by her son David with his cell phone: :
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Holly Highfield of Jacksonville, Florida Not safe to be let out in public JACKSONVILLE, Fla. (UPI) -- Police in Jacksonville, Fla., said they arrested a woman who allegedly crashed two cars and hit a bicyclist before fleeing authorities in the nude. Holly Highfield allegedly struck a bicyclist intentionally with her SUV before stripping off her clothes and allegedly attempting to make a getaway in another vehicle, WJXT-TV, Jacksonville, Fla., reported Tuesday. Children who were in the SUV with Highfield prior to the incident said she pointed out the bicyclist before striking him with the vehicle. "Do you think this biker is going to get hit? Do you have faith? Are you afraid?" she allegedly asked the children before steering the vehicle to strike the cyclist. A couple riding in a van stopped to help the bicyclist, who was hospitalized with non-life-threatening injuries, and police said Highfield jumped into the van and attempted to drive off but was foiled when the vehicle hit a nearby fence. Highfield, who police said appeared to be under the influence of drugs, was arrested and charged with battery, carjacking, driving under the influence while accompanied by a minor and DUI while causing damage to property. Other charges may be added. Copyright 2008 by United Press International
Thanks to Sandie for this story: I was scheduled to fly from North Carolina to Germany, where my husband was stationed in the military. As I checked in at the airport, the ticket agent asked me some standard security questions. "Has anyone given you any packages you didn't pack yourself?" he asked. I told him that my mother-in-law had given me a parcel to take to her son. He looked at me very carefully and slowly asked, "Your mother-in-law? Does she like you? Maybe we better have some experts look at that package!"
The census taker rang the doorbell and was quite surprised when the door was opened by a nude woman. "Don't be alarmed," she said, "I'm a nudist." Although somewhat embarrassed, the man proceeded to ask the routine questions. When his asked, "How many children do you have?" The lady replied, "Ten." "Lady," he gasped, "you're not a nudist, you just don't have time to get dressed!"
Still available! Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: Denise Re: Fake invitation Dear Webby, Thanks Webby for all your info and funnies. I received an email from a known email address, inviting me to join WAYN.com. Can you tell me about this WAYN.com Denny Dear Denise Never heard of it. Let the owner of that "known email address" tell you all about it. Stuff like that I dump instantly. If somebody is too lazy to tell me about it, but just wants to collect for finding yet another dumb sucker, then they can stuff it where the sun don't shine. Now they are probably sending out "invitations" with your address forged in. Yeah, I am an ornery old goat, but when it comes to weird sites, that attitude comes in handy. Have FUN! DearWebby Thanks Webby for your very prompt reply. I forgot to mention that my friend did not send me the email, however it came from her email address. I emailed her and she told me that she did not send the email and did not know anything about WAYN.com Thanks Denise

Once in a corner near the fireplace, Uncle Ezra had been working industriously with a stub pencil and a piece of paper. Suddenly he looked up and smiled. He exclaimed, "Doggoned it Maw, I done learned to write." Maw got up and looked over his shoulder at the lines scrawled across the paper. "What does it say?" Maw asked. Uncle Ezra said, "I don't know, I ain't learned to read yet."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Shopping For Back To School Clothing Before shopping for clothes, take stock of what you have, starting with the oldest child first.Then make a list of the items that are needed and establish a budget. If at all possible, try to do the bulk of your back to school shopping a week after school starts. Visit ThriftyFun for more Back To School Tips by clicking here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Back%20To%20School_2.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Two elderly people are living in a Florida mobile home park. He's a widower and she's a widow. They've known each other for quite a number of years. One evening there's a community supper and these two are at the same table. As the meal goes on, he gives her a few admiring glances and finally gathers up the gumption to ask her: "Will you marry me?" After a few seconds of 'careful consideration,' she smiles: "Yes, Yes, I will!" Their meal ends and with a few more pleasant exchanges they return to their respective residences. Next morning, the old man is troubled. "Did she say 'yes' or did she say 'no'?" He can't remember. Try as he will, he just can't bring it back. With trepidation, he goes to the telephone and calls her. First, he explains to her that he doesn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviews their lovely evening together. As he gains a little more courage, he inquires, "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'?" To his great delight he hears her say "Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and I meant it with all my heart." Then she continues, "And I am so glad that you called, dear, because I couldn't remember who asked me!"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Cloud Appreciation Society
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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