How to capture pictures from a PPS with Open Office 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, May 16, 2010

I hope that while so many people are out smelling the flowers, someone is taking the time to plant some. --- Herbert Rappaport Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use. --- Wendell Johnson
The teen-aged beauty was telling a friend that she was really worried about her mother. It seems she's always fatigued from staying up all night long. Her friend asked, "What's she doing staying up all night? At her age, that's not good at all." The girl replied, "Waiting for me to come home."
A pastor was speaking to a group of second-graders about the resurrection of Jesus when one student asked, "What did Jesus say right after He came out of the grave?" The pastor explained that the Gospels do not tell us what He said. The hand of one little girl shot up. "I know what He said: He said, 'Tah-dah!'"

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Bradley Norris, 20, in Polk County, Florida naked inmate tries to escape from hospital POLK COUNTY, FL -- A Polk County Deputy was injured while trying to prevent an inmate from escaping from a hospital wearing nothing but socks with his ankles shackled together. Bradley Norris, who was arrested on May 1, 2010, for 10 counts of violation of parole, ranging from Grand Theft to Burglary and Trespassing, Armed Robbery, Aggravated Battery and Conspiracy, was transferred to Lake Wales Hospital on May 6, 2010, for medical reasons. 40-year-old Detention Deputy Michelle Threatt was on hospital watch over 20-year-old Bradley Norris when a struggle began in the hospital room after Norris said he needed to use the bathroom. Deputy Threatt shackled Norris’ ankles together before he was allowed to get up from the bed. When he got up he began attacking the Deputy hitting her on the head, struggling with her, overpowering her and eventually fleeing the room at Lake Wales Hospital. During the struggle, Norris’ gown was torn from his body and when he fled hospital, he was wearing only socks, and his ankles were shackled together. It was immediately dispatched over the radio that an inmate had escaped from the Lake Wales Hospital. Norris was spotted at the Lake Wales Art Center first by Lake Wales Police Officers and was taken into custody. Norris will face additional charges, including Escape, and Battery on a Law Enforcement Officer. Detention Deputy Threatt was treated and released from the hospital for a minor injury to her head. The investigation is ongoing and additional charges are likely to be added.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Diana re: Capture pictures from PPS with Open Office Dear Webby: Thanks for your good newsletter in my inbox each morning. Have enjoyed reading about your trip and look forward to each day's pictures. Once again I'm asking for help which you always so willingly give. You once mentioned being able to capture pictures from PPS files with Open Office. I recently downloaded and installed Open Office and would greatly appreciate you explaining how to capture some of those pictures. (Please, in very simple terms ....I'm a novice in the computer world.) Thanks for your help - I appreciate you. Diana Dear Diana Open the PPS with Open Office Impress Click on Normal if it is not already selected. If you got it set to start playing in full screen mode, hit Escape. In Normal mode you got the thumbnails on the left side. Select the one you want. It will show in the main content area. To get more space, you can close the right side Task Side bar. Now you can edit, delete or add captions to the picture, and even resize it. When ready, right-click the picture C for copy jump to your graphics or other program, CTRL V to paste the picture. You can also paste the picture into a word processor or spreadsheet or most email programs. That's all there is to it. Have FUN! DearWebby
King Nebuchadnezzar of Babylon was astonished that the hungry lions had not eaten Daniel. He summoned Daniel and promised him that if he would reveal his secret, the king would give him his freedom. "It was easy, your excellency," Daniel said. "I went around and whispered in each lion's ear - 'After dinner, there will be speeches.'"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Have a Laundry Basket for Each Person When taking dry clothes off the washing line have a basket for each person (either with their name written on the wash basket or a different colour). When you take the baskets in, each person is responsible for putting their clothes away. My two boys have done this since they were 6 years old. I still have their drawers labeled so not only they can put their things away but if I get someone in to help me they can do it easily too. By talkingbookworm from NSW, Australia http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

When a young minister was still single, he preached a sermon he entitled, "Rules for Raising Children." After he got married and had children of his own, he changed the title of the sermon to "Suggestions for Raising Children." When his children got to be teenagers, he stopped preaching on that subject altogether.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Church Bloopers "The church had a going-away party for Pastor Brown. The congregation was anxious to give him a little momentum." "We will have a Special Holiday Bingo & Dinner on Monday evening. You will be given two bingo packs, which cover all games played, and your choice of children or roast beef for dinner."

» Michigan
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No automatic page redirect 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, May 15, 2010
The fifth page of the Cactus Rally is up:
Fifth Day


"Every great batter works on the theory that the pitcher is more afraid of him than he is of the pitcher." --- Ty Cobb "Do it big or stay in bed." --- Larry Kelly When you're down to nothing, God's up to something! --- Anon
From Narissa Dear Webby, I know you remind us each Friday to wear a bit of red to show our support for the troops. My youngest son is in the Navy, and my oldest grand daughter is in Afghanistan with the Army, but some Fridays I firget, -until I read the Humor Letter. Because of my limited wardrobe, that sometimes leads to weird combinations. I noticed on the pictures from your trip, that not only you but your father as well were wearing red on Fridays, even on your vacation. That really teared me up. I don't think I will ever forget Fridays from now on. Bless your hearts! Narissa
Grandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody complimented him on how athletic and well- preserved he appeared. "Gentlemen, I will tell you the secret of my success," he cackled. "I have walked 5 miles in the open air day after day for some 75 years now." The celebrants were impressed and asked how he managed to keep up his rigorous fitness regime. "Well, you see my wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding night, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever we had a fight, the one who was proved wrong would go outside and take a walk, for 5 miles."
Joe and his wife get along just great, except that she's a "backseat driver" second to none. After years of putting up with her pestering, he finally decided he'd had enough and advised her that he would no longer drive with her in the car. Later that day, on his way home from doing some shopping at the mall, he heard his cell phone ring as he was merging onto a freeway. It was his wife calling. By chance, she had entered the freeway right behind him. "Honey," she said, "your turn signal is still on. And put on your lights; it's starting to rain."
White Tail Deer on "Devil's Backbone" south of Torrey, UT
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Matthew Creel in Santa Fee, Texas Man arrested during traffic stop after pot found wrapped in court papers by khou.com staff Posted on May 11, 2010 at 8:36 AM SANTA FE, Texas – A man was facing charges Monday after police said they found pot wrapped in a deferred adjudication order for possession of marijuana in the suspect’s vehicle. Around 11 p.m., a Santa Fe police officer pulled over Matthew Creel in the 4200 block of FM 1764 for a defective headlight. The officer arrested Creel after determining that the suspect was driving on a suspended license. When the officer searched Creel’s vehicle, he said he found a small amount of marijuana concealed in a folded piece of paper. Upon further investigation, the officer noticed that the paper was actually an official court document – Creel’s deferred adjudication order for a March 16 possession of marijuana charge in Galveston County. Creel was charged with possession -- again -- and booked into the Santa Fe City Jail.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ron re: No automatic page redirect Dear Webby I watched your trip and google earth too, great for those of us who cannot travel much. I need help with Firefox. I have been using Firefox over a year now but all of a sudden I am getting this pop down messege from the top. "Firefox prevented this page from automatically redirecting to another page." T hen I must hit the allow button. This happens almost every time I click on another place to go. What happened? Thanks as always Ron P Dear Ron That is actually due to a security setting. You can change that in Tools, Options, Advanced. If you don't want to be warned, when a site automatically redirects you from a tame Bible-Study Entrance to a not so tame Horny Mugwomp Dating site, then take the checkmark of the third box there. Try it for a few days. Depending on your surfing pattern, you may want to put that checkmark back. Or not. It's up to you. Have FUN! DearWebby
From a church bulletin: "A new loudspeaker system has been installed in the church. It was given by Bert, one of our loyal members, in honor of his wife."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Carry Wipes in Your Pocketbook Just a quick tip for the ladies. When you are out and about make sure you carry flushable wipes in your pocketbook. You never know when you'll have to "go" and the restroom will have no toilet paper. It's a life saver! By Brocksmommy from SC http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A man is having a really bad day on the golf course. By the 14th hole, he's missed one putt too many, and he lets loose with a string of profanities, grabs his putter, and storms off toward the lake by the 15th tee. "Uh-oh," says his playing partner to the caddie, "There goes that club." "You think so?" asks the caddie. "I've got five bucks saying he'll miss the water."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
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A Methodist minister meets three Baptist deacons on the golf course and invites them to come to his church some Sunday ...and not too many weeks thereafter, just as services are starting, they show up. Attendance was good in the small Methodist church, and there wasn't a pew available; several church members were already seated on folding chairs. When the minister, just starting the service, saw the three Baptist deacons enter, he leaned down from the pulpit and stage-whispered to the nearest usher, "Please get three chairs for my Baptist friends in the back." The usher, hard of hearing, leaned closer and said, "I beg your pardon?" "Get three chairs for my Baptist friends," repeated the minister, but the usher strained closer with a puzzled look still on his face. Once more the minister tried, speaking slowly and distinctly. "Three chairs. For the Baptists," he enunciated. The usher's face lit up in comprehension, and he turned to face the congregation. "All right, everybody," he called out to the assembled worshippers. "Three cheers for the Baptists!"

» Iceland Volcano
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Open Office Clipboard 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, May 14, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

The third and fourth pages of the Cactus Rally are up:
Third Day
Fourth Day


No man ever listened himself out of a job. --- Calvin Coolidge First things first, but not necessarily in that order. --- Doctor Who
"What happened?" asked the hospital visitor to the heavily bandaged man sitting up in bed. "Well, I went down to Busch Gardens on vacation and decided to take a ride on the Loch Ness Monster... As we came up to the top of the highest loop, I noticed a little sign by the side of the track. I tried to read it but it was very small and I couldn't make it out. I was so curious that I decided to go round again, but we went by so quickly that I couldn't see what the sign said. By now, I was determined to read that sign so I went round a third time. As we reached the top, I stood up in the car to get a better view." "And did you manage to see what the sign said this time?" asked the visitor. "Yes," he said sheepishly, "Remain seated at all times!"
A college freshman comes home after being away all semester. Her father looks her up and down, then says, "Aren't you a lot fatter than when you went away?" "Yes I am, Dad," the girl admits. "I weigh 140 pounds stripped for gym." The father stares at her for a moment in horrified amazement. Finally, he shouts, "Well, tell me this: Just who is Jim?"
Last Friday in Utah
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a ouple of boneheads on the Isle of Wight, England Man dressed as Snoopy tries to break into jail A gun-toting man tried to break into a jail to free another inmate - while wearing a Snoopy costume. The man was arrested by police after attempting to break into the Albany site of HMP Isle of Wight, while carrying what appeared to be a firearm and dressed up as the canine hero of the Peanuts cartoons, according to a report in the Sun. He was accompanied by a sidekick, who wasn't dressed as any kind of cartoon character. Unfortunately for the would-be jailbreakers, it later emerged that they had in fact tried to break into the wrong jail - the family member they had planned to free was actually being held at another site in the Isle of Wight prison complex. The 'gun' was also revealed to actually be a water pistol. The duo had attempted to break down a staff door at the prison site, but couldn't get it to budge. When that plan failed, they resorted to throwing concrete missiles at prison officers' cars. The two were quickly arrested on suspicion of criminal damage, and detained under the Mental Health Act.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Cybergranny99 re: Open Office Clipboard Dear Webby Hello and thanks for all the cool things you send our way. I enjoyed reading about your trip and now seeing some of the photos too. I have recently switched from Office 2007 to OpenOffice and I like it. I believe that I can copy and paste from this to my eBay listings and not get all those "funny" looking additions that MS word does. My question is whether Open Office has a clipboard like MS Word. I find several mentions of clipboard in help but cannot find a program and I really use this a lot. Do you know if this available with OpenOffice? Thanks again for all the great stuff. I depend on your jokes to tell at my weekly visit to a local Assisted living and they love them!! Dear Cyergrannie Open Office uses the same concept as Word Perfect and Word Star users are accustomed to since the days when you were jail-bait. You simply open two (or more) docs, copy and paste from one to the other. It makes no difference whether you have a permanent "Cheat-Sheet" with commonly used stuff like ©, §, €, etc, or copy from a live web page like the currency conversions of the hour. Just jump from the doc to the "Cheat Sheet" or source page, highlight what you want to copy, hit CTRL C to Copy, ALT TAB back to the receiving doc, place the cursor where you want the copied stuff, hit CTRL V, and it is done. You can just as easily copy stuff from a web page and paste it into both the Cheat Sheet AND the receiving doc, and you can of course have as many different thematic Cheat Sheets as you want, for example one for Recipes, one for Prayers, one for cruise lines that charge 50% less per day than Fogie Farms do, etc. Start with one Cheat Sheet, and when it gets too long, add a second thematic one and shuffle the stuff with THAT theme over there. You are not limited to text. Right-Click on a picture on a web page, select COPY, jum to your Open Office Doc and hit CTRL V to paste it where the cursor is. Have FUN! DearWebby
A man is celebrating his 100th birthday, so the editor of the local newspaper sends a reporter over to do a feature story on the old timer. The reporter begins by asking the old tried and true question, "To what do you attribute your longevity?" "Well, young lady," the gentleman says, "I never smoked more than a pack of cigarettes a day, never got drunk and didn't over-eat. I didn't get up too early every morning, but I sure stay up and active past midnight ." "But, I had an uncle who did exactly the same," the reporter says, "and he only lived to be 80. How do you account for that?" "He didn't keep it up long enough," says the centenarian.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Ask a Master Gardener Ever wonder what you should plant? For free answers from experts about what grows best in your area, and for questions about insects and garden pests, ask a Master Gardner. They offer their advice free at most Farmers' Markets and also online. Master Gardeners are trained for free at most universities and in return they are required to offer their advice to the local community. Besides local farmers markets you can also get in touch with them by searching the words "Master Gardeners" then adding your state. For example "Master Gardeners Minnesota" or "Master Gardeners University of Washington". You can then connect to a Master Gardner Forum in your area. If you are interested in becoming a Master Gardner contact the university closest to you. Master Gardeners are some of the most helpful and friendliest people around. They have a booth at the Saturday Market that I sell at. By Cyinda from near Seattle http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A man traveling down a country road was forced to stop before a giant puddle covering the entire road. Looking to the side of the road, the man noticed a farmer leaning on a fence. "Think it's safe to cross?" the man asked. "I reckon so," replied the farmer. The car was immediately swallowed by the puddle as the man drove in. In fact, it was so deep that he had to roll his window down to swim out of his car back to the surface. As his head broke the surface the man said to the farmer, "I thought you said I could safely drive through this puddle!" "Well, shoot!" said the farmer, scratching his head. "It only come up chest-high on my little ducks!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
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In the faculty lounge of an excellent elementary school, some teachers were talking about reincarnation. One teacher remarked "If there's anything to the idea of reincarnation, I know what I'd like to come back as." "Oh, tell us what," said a couple of colleagues. "I'd like to come back," said the teacher, "as a childhood disease."

» Calendar Albums
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Problems with Audio Recording 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, May 13, 2010

The second page of the Cactus Rally is up:
Second Day


The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it. --- George Bernard Shaw If your parents never had children, chances are you won't, either. --- Dick Cavett Practice Safe Food -- Use Condiments --- Socratex
A lunatic is sitting in his cell playing solitaire. Another patient, who has been watching, suddenly cries, "Wait a minute! I just caught you cheating yourself." The first man puts his finger to his lips. "Shhh," he whispers. "Don't tell anybody, but I've been cheating myself at solitaire for years." "You don't say," says his surprised pal. "Don't you ever catch yourself cheating?" The first man shakes his head. "Naw," he says proudly. "I'm much too clever."
Sherlock Holmes : "Ah Watson, I see you have on your winter underwear." Watson : "Marvelous, Holmes, marvelous! How did you ever deduce that!" Sherlock Holmes : "Well, you've forgotten to put on your trousers."
Monument Valley, Utah
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Brandi Smith, 41 of Gardnerville, Nevada Topless, drunk woman accused of theft, DUI Wednesday, May 12, 2010 A 41-year-old Gardnerville woman, intoxicated and topless, was hospitalized Monday after she reportedly stole a bottle of wine from a Gardnerville grocery store and nearly drove into a fast food restaurant in the midst of a raging snow squall. According to witnesses, a woman identified as Brandi Smith, was driving erratically before pulling into the parking lot at Scolari's grocery store. Smith, naked from the waist up, entered Scolari's and left without paying for a $20 bottle of wine. The store provided video footage of Smith. One of the clerks said he confronted her about her lack of clothing and said, “She just walked right past me,” without acknowledging him and left the store. She got into her car and drove toward Burger King. She stopped near the entrance to the drive-through with the right front tire over the curb and in the landscaping. She was met by an off-duty sheriff's deputy who removed the keys from the ignition and held the driver's door closed to keep her in the vehicle. Paramedics took her to Carson Valley Medical Center for treatment. A preliminary breath test at the center indicated a breath-alcohol content of .144, nearly twice the legal limit. The sheriff's office originally was contacted by a motorist who reported the driver of a black Corvette driving erratically from Tillman and Dresslerville in the Gardnerville Ranchos, down Centerville, nearly hitting the abutment at Lutheran bridge. He followed the car to the shopping center and watched Smith exit the vehicle and enter the store. A search of her records indicated two prior convictions of driving under the influence in California in 2008 and 2009. Her California driver's license is suspended and there is no record of a Nevada license. She also is on probation in Douglas County for an October theft of beer from the Tillman Lane 7-Eleven. She remained hospitalized for observation, according to reports, while they check how many other jurisdictions are looking for her.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Suryakant re: Problem with Audio Recording Dear Webby Thanks a lot for helping me several times before. Now here is yet another problem. While replying to a reader’s query, you recommended “Audacity” to record streaming audio. I downloaded Audacity and was using it for various applications to audio files. But since last week Audacity stopped recording. Presuming that the program might be corrupted, I downloaded it again but there is no change in the situation. Before downloading audacity I was using “Digital Audio Recorder” from www.asoftwareplus.com This program records streaming audio in MP3 format. But now this program is also not working. What might be wrong? Is there any setting that is disturbed or is it a problem with my sound card? Suryakant Dear Suryakant Theortically Audacity should have straightened out any settings, when you re-installed it. I have used it occasionally for just that purpose. I am by no means a specialist in audio, since it always worked fine for me, without having to read instructions or experimenting. Try contacting the maker of your computer. Chances are good that they came across that problem before. Have FUN! DearWebby
In his Sunday sermon the preacher used "Forgive Your Enemies" as his subject. After a much too long sermon, he asked how many were willing to forgive their enemies. With thoughts of awaiting Sunday dinners all responded except one old woman in the rear. "Mrs. Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?' "I don't have any." "Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?" "Eighty-six" "Mrs. Jones, please come down in front and tell this congregation how a woman can live to eighty-six and not have an enemy in the world." The old woman teetered down the aisle and slowly turned around and said "It's easy. I just outlived the B's and SOB's."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Find Craft Supplies at Garage Sales Garage sales are great. There is such an endless variety, and you never know what you will find. If you're into crafting the garage sale can be a goldmine. The goldmine is the joy you feel when you see a table full of fabric, a box filled with skeins of yarn, dozens of frames and pictures, and all priced from 10 cents to a dollar. I found little frames 4/$1.00, in perfect condition. I could have put little pictures in them, but opted to place my pressed flowers in them and use them on top of gift boxes, in place of cards. It was a pretty touch, and cheaper than a card or a bow. By Deb from East Brunswick, NJ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

When a husband finally gave in and began to clean out his bureau, he discovered a bunch of socks that didn't match. As his wife looked at them, she noted that most of them had holes in them. "Land's sakes, man !" she exclaimed. "How long have you had these things?" "Since before we were married," he admitted. "I guess you could say that I had a lot of premarital socks!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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"Heck Is Where People Go Who Don't Believe in Gosh."

» Strange Critters
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Show roads on Google Earth 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, May 12, 2010

The first page of the Cactus Rally is up:
First Day


It is not necessary to understand things in order to argue about them. --- Pierre Beaumarchais A waist is a terrible thing to mind. --- Jane Caminos
"I'm sorry," said the clerk in flower shop, "we don't have potted geraniums. Could you use African violets instead?" Replied the customer sadly, "No, it was geraniums my wife told me to water while she was gone."
The Father, passing thru the son's college town late one night on a business trip, thought he would pay a surprise visit to the boy. Arriving at the fraternity house, he knocked on the door. After several minutes of knocking, a sleepy voice drifted down from a second floor window. "Whaddya want?" "Does Jimmy Duncan live here?" asked the father. "Yeah!" replied the voice. "Just dump him on the front porch and we'll hose him down in the morning."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a Jane Simmons, 45, in Poughkeepsie, NY Woman reporting for jail sentence has heroin, Hydrocodone pills on her KINGSTON – The Ulster County Sheriff’s Office has charged a Poughkeepsie woman with felony promoting prison contraband in the first degree for possession drugs at the jail. Deputies said on Friday, May 7, Jane Simmons, 45, of Glenwood Avenue in Poughkeepsie reported to the Ulster Sheriff’s Office Corrections Division to report for her intermittent sentence for a previous charge of petit larceny. As she was being processed into the jail, corrections staff found her to be in possession of 18 decks of heroin and 10 Hydrocodone pills. When she was told to turn over the drugs, she tried to destroy them by throwing them into a toilet and flushing them. Corrections staff was able to recover the items. Simmons was charged with promoting prison contraband in the first degree, a felony, promoting contraband in the second degree, a misdemeanor, two counts of criminal possession of a controlled substance in the seventh degree, misdemeanors, and the felony of tampering with physical evidence. She was arraigned and remanded to the Ulster County Jail on $25,000 bail.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Roland re: Google Earth Settings Dear Webby Hey: Good to hear you had a good trip, followed you for quite a ways as have been in that part of the world as well. have a question, how do you get the roads to come in on GLOBAL EARTH? I have tried and can not get any roads to come in. Even when looking for an address that is listed as a road, like 3654 Weld Road 6. Hope you can give me a lesson on this in good ole plain English. Keep up the good work, Roland Dear Roland In Google Earth turn the side bar on CTRL ALT B Down in the bottom half of the bar put checkmarks on all the stuff that you want to be visible. Add the checkmarks one at a time, so that you see what it does. Some of them are a bit of a nuisance, and you'll want to un-check them quickly. On mine, I just have checkmarks on Primary Database Borders and Labels Roads 3D Buildings Ocean Terrain The rest I don't need or want. Have FUN! DearWebby
The drill sergeant making his morning announcements to a group of newcomers in a training camp, stated: "Today, gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. First, the good. Private Peters will be setting the pace on our morning run." With this the platoon was overjoyed, as Private Peters was overweight and terribly slow. But then the drill sergeant finished his statement: "Now for the bad news. Private Peters will be the driver for my jeep."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Bugs Out Of Your Drink Outside Here's another great use for Press and Seal. When you take a drink outside, you risk getting bugs in it. So put a small piece of Press and Seal over your glass leaving a drink hole or poke a tiny hole in it and stick a straw through it. You will drink bug free. For a recyclable way to do the same thing, you can also use those little bowl covers that look like mini shower caps and poke a hole in those for a straw, then they can be washed over and over! I have used both and it works great. By Melmarr from MI http://www.thriftyfun.com/ I have used an insulated stainless steel travel mug with a sliding cover for the drinking hole for many years for that purpose. You can get plastic travel mugs at flea markets for under a dollar and they last for many years too. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A man and his wife are walking down the street when he suddenly said, "That lovely girl just looked at me and smiled." "That doesn't surprise me in the slightest," his wife replied. "The first time I saw you I laughed out loud."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
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An 18th century vagabond in England, exhausted and famished, comes on a roadside inn emblazoned with a sign carrying the name "St. George and the Dragon." He knocks on the door, and the innkeeper's wife sticks her head out of a window above the sign. "Could ye spare some victuals?" the man asks. The woman glances at his shabby, dirty clothes. "No,"she shouts. "Could I have a pint of ale then?" he asks. "No, I said." "Could I at least use your privy?" "No," she shouts again. "Well, might I please....?" "What now?" the woman screeches, not allowing him to finish. "D'ye suppose that I might have a word with George?"

» Strange Critters
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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IE8 pop-ups 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Home again!

Returning the National rental car was a breeze. The guy scanned
the bar code on the window, glanced at the odometer, and wished 
us a safe journey home. Just as slick as when we picked up 
the car two weeks ago. With the Emerald Club card I walked past 
the lineups at the counter, straight to where the cars are. There
a guy told me to pick any that suited me. At the exit they 
verified my credit card, gave me some papers and wished me a
pleasant trip. I can definitely recommend national Car Rental!

The security rigmarole was quick and simple, and the flight 
was typical Westjet. They always take off late, fly above the 
storms and arrive early. My secretary picked me up at the
airport in Calgary and brought me home.

It ws a great trip, but I am glad to be home again!
Have FUN!
DearWebby


Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. --- Mark Twain
Little Harold was practicing the violin in the living room while his father was trying to read in the den. The family dog was lying in the den, and as the screeching sounds of little Harold's violin reached his ears, he began to howl loudly. The father listened to the dog and the violin as long as he could. Then he jumped up, and yelled above the noise, "For Pete's sake, can't you play something the dog doesn't know?!"
Once, while driving around in my pickup with my pet donkey in the back, I discovered I had a flat tire. I got out and had the donkey stick its head under the bumper and lift the truck.A passing farmer asked, "Hey, that's a pretty clever trick. How did you teach your donkey to lift the truck?" I replied, "Its a simple matter of the breed; this is a jack ass!"
Thanks to Sue for this picture: Pine Siskin
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 14 year old girl in Boca, Raton, Florida Florida girl, 14, accused of carjacking BOCA RATON, Fla. (UPI) -- A 14-year-old Florida girl was arrested after she allegedly stole a car at a gas station pump, and ordered the 12-year-old girl inside to get out, police said. The alleged thief Tuesday in Boca Raton rushed into the car's driver's seat while the victim's father paid for gas. The father had left the motor running and the doors unlocked, the Florida Sun Sentinel reported. The suspect took off in the car after the victim left, the newspaper said. Police said they saw the car on the road and laid down spiked stop sticks. The suspect came to a stop in a parking lot, but backed up into a police car as the officer was getting out of his car to approach her. The officer was not hurt and the suspect was arrested. The suspect told detectives she and a friend sat on a bench at the gas station for around three hours, and that her friend told her to steal the car. She said she had been involved in stealing a car from the same gas station on Monday, the newspaper reported. A police investigation and further charges are pending.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Annette re: IE8 Pop-up Dear Webby I just need to ask you one question, I keep getting this pop up that wants me to D/L Internet Explorer 8, should I D/L this? thank you for all your help, don't know what I would do without you at times!!! Sincerly, Annette. Dear Annette That is what the IE8 blocker in my tool box is for. IE8 is not malicious, but it would seriously slow down your computer. Since FireFox is better anyway, and does not slow you down, just use that for a browser. Have FUN! DearWebby
A woman who lives in Mississippi, was talking with her four year old son. He asked her why all their relatives in Wisconsin talk funny and sound like their noses are plugged up. "They think we have an accent," she replied. "But they have an accent, right? They talk funny!" he stated. "Everybody talks in different ways" she tried to explain. "To them, we sound like we talk very slow and all our words are d-r-a-w-n out." His eyes got big, and he whispered seriously, "Oh, no. You mean they hear funny too?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Bugs Out Of Your Drink Outside Here's another great use for Press and Seal. When you take a drink outside, you risk getting bugs in it. So put a small piece of Press and Seal over your glass leaving a drink hole or poke a tiny hole in it and stick a straw through it. You will drink bug free. For a recyclable way to do the same thing, you can also use those little bowl covers that look like mini shower caps and poke a hole in those for a straw, then they can be washed over and over! I have used both and it works great. By Melmarr from MI http://www.thriftyfun.com/ I have used an insulated stainless steel travel mug with a sliding cover for the drinking hole for many years for that purpose. You can get plastic travel mugs at flea markets for under a dollar and they last for many years too. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The company psychiatrist was interviewing Nancy. As she sat in the chair, the psychiatrist asked a series of questions to determine if she was emotionally suitable for the company. Things were not not going well for Nancy. The psychiatrist decided to try a new approach, to give Nancy one last chance. He asked, "if you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?" Nancy quickly responded, "the living one."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked
On still another diet, Sue had lost a few pounds and a lot of her usual sunny disposition. After making a snappish remark to her husband, she apologized and reminded him that he was supposed to stick by her through thick and thin. "I know," he said, dryly, "but thick was a lot easier."

» Floating Islands
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Mouse Mystery 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, May 10, 2010

Good Morning, ! The 2010 Cactus Rally was a beautiful and exciting trip. Scenery overload, challenging roads, friendly people everywhere, all contributed to a great memory harvest. Meticulous planning and booking every hotel over the Internet of course helped. There was never any worry about not finding a suitable motel at a day's end. Other than having to cope with Windoze 7 to do my office work every night, the trip was perfect, and we already started planning for next year's trip. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you're going through hell, keep going. --- Sir Winston Churchil Fools rush in where fools have been before. --- Socratex
The local priest came across Paddy who had stumbled out of the town tavern. "Paddy," he said, "I'm afraid I'll not be seeing you in Heaven one day." "Really, Father?" slurred Paddy. "What have you done?"
Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck at the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter. Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger coworker to a foot race down the alley back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one. As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what was wrong. Gasping for breath, she replied, "When I see two gas men running as hard as you two were, I figured I'd better run too!"

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Dana Seaman, 61 in Belleview, Florida Man awaiting sobriety test takes last swig BELLEVIEW, Fla. (AP) - Authorities said a central Florida man took one last swig of alcohol while waiting to take a sobriety test. Marion County Sheriff's deputies stopped 61-year-old Dana Seaman after noticing his car swerve three times. Seaman said he'd been drinking and agreed to a sobriety test. But first, Deputy Eric Larson said he watched Seaman drink from a cup and toss it under the passenger seat. According to a police report, the cup smelled strongly of alcohol. Seaman then refused a breath test. He has been charged with DUI.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bob Re: Mouse Mystery Dear Webby I am having trouble with my mouse.(HP) I have lost the ability to open certain windows with my left click button. The mouse is an HP with the red light on the bottom side. I can open most things by right clicking and hitting open but as with my address book, I cannot get the Insert addresses tab to open so I can select the names I want to send the email to then hit the insert tab, but nothing happens. Ant help would be appreciated. Dear Bob Try making the double-click speed a bit slower, so that you don't have to double-click quite so fast. If that doesn't help, try a different mouse. You probably have a standard el-cheapo mouse, that came with a computer, lying around somewhere. They are perfectly good for testing. If the left-clicking works with that mouse, then your expensive HP mouse needs to be replaced. Currently the best mice are from Logitech. Mice are a very personal item. What might be comfortable for me, might be awkward for you, and vice versa. If possible, buy your mose from Staples. They are not the cheapest vendor, but they have by far the best return and replacement policy. Their employees cheerfully side with you, to make you a happy and loyal customer. Have FUN! DearWebby
A minister was planning a wedding at the close of the Sunday morning service. After the benediction he had planned to call the couple down to be married in a brief ceremony before the congregation. For the life of him, he couldn't think of the names of those who were to be married. "Will those wanting to get married please come to the front?" he requested. Immediately, nine single women, six widows and two single men rushed to the front.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Polishing Stainless Steel Appliances Save Extra Fast Food Napkins When eating out at fast food restaurants, we are usually given too many napkins that end up in the trash. Now we fold them up and take them with us. They end up in the car for kid clean up, in the purse for emergencies, on the vanity for makeup removal, in the kitchen as a substitute for paper towels or on the table as - surprise - napkins. I'm sure you can come up with lots of places to use these leftover napkins. We never let them go to waste. By Marchall from San Juan, Puerto Rico http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Adam and Eve must have had a great marriage. Adam couldn't talk about his Mother's cooking, and Eve couldn't mention all the men she could/should have married.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked
A man was complaining to a friend: "I had it all - money, magnificent house, big car, the love of beautiful woman, then, POW! It was all gone!" "What happened?," asked the friend. "My wife found out."

» Cactus Rally 2010
(Dianne is on vacation)
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Can you run Outlook Express on Windows 7 ? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunrday, May 9, 2010
Happy Mother's Day!


Good Morning, ! Today we left Utah after a very filling breakfast buffet at JB's and headed down I-15. At Exit 18 we peeled off, but instead of the paved part to the campground and recreational area on the eastern side of the freeway, we headed up the steep dirt road on the right side. It is called Cedar Pocket and connects over the mountains to the Old US 91. It is not advised that you drive that road any further than you are willing to hike back from, unless you are in a convoy of off-road vehicles. We only drove up about five miles this time. There the road levels off a bit and there are some gentle ridges with an abundance of many types of cacti. Quite a lot of them were blooming today. After that we headed south, through Virgin Canyon to Nevada. In Virgin Canyon the freeway is carved right into the bottom of a very steep and dramatic canyon. The canyon is too narrow for pull-out spots. You can't stop to take pictures, all you can take is memories, and promise yourself, that some day you'll travel that canyon standing up in a convertible. It is truly awesome! Have FUN! DearWebby
"God could not be everywhere, and therefore he made mothers." --- Jewish Proverb "A mother takes twenty years to make a man of her boy, and another woman makes a fool of him in twenty minutes." --- Robert Frost
Bert's wife decided to use curlers in her hair after she washed it. She came into the Family Room as Bert was watching TV. He said he only stared at her for a moment when she said, "I just set my hair." The last thing he remembers saying was, "Oh, really? At what time is it set to go off?"
The young bride's mother had some old- fashioned ideas of marriage, and passed them on to her daughter. "Never let your husband see you in the nude," she advised. "You should always wear something." "Yes, mother," replied the obedient girl. Two weeks after the wedding, the girl and her brand-new husband were preparing to retire when the guy asked, "Dear, has there ever been any insanity in your family?" "Not that I know of," she answered. "Why?" "Well, we've been married for two weeks now and every night you've worn that silly hat to bed."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Lois J. Harvey, 40, Woman robs bank in front of uniformed officer A would-be bank robber learned a valuable lesson today: Always be aware of your surroundings. The FBI said that Lois J. Harvey, 40, handed a robbery note to a teller at Chase Bank on 1245 E. Long Street. Little did she know, an off-duty Columbus police officer in full uniform was in line behind her. The teller looked at the note and told Harvey she couldn't read it. Frustrated, she tried to explain the note to the teller. Then she noticed the officer, who was in the bank to make a deposit, the FBI said. Harvey grabbed the note and left the bank. The officer, not realizing what was happening, stepped up to the teller and was told about the attempted robbery. The officer left the bank and caught up to Harvey, who then tried to eat the note. She was arrested and made to cough up the note onto the sidewalk. Harvey was charged with robbery.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Hermon Re: Can you run Outlook Express on Windows7 ? Dear Webby good to see you not catering to all the wimps. keep on giving real people what we want. as usual I want to ask a ?. just got a new machine with o/s 7. is it possible to run outlook express without an act of congress? hermon in KY. Dear Hermon I doubt it. In the long run you will be happier, if you pay somebody to exorcise Blonde Windows off that machine and put XP on it. Live is too short to get used to cussing all the time. Have FUN! DearWebby
One day, a little girl is sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly notices that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette hair. She looks at her mother and inquisitively asks, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then asked, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white? Were you THAT bad ?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Polishing Stainless Steel Appliances For 3 years I have been struggling to keep my stainless steel appliances clean. They always have drip marks and finger prints on them. Finally, I found the perfect solution and it is something almost everyone has in their home. First clean the surface with warm soapy water and rinse. Yes, I know, you're going to see a lot of streaks. But, then spray WD-40 on a soft, lint-free cloth (I used an old t-shirt) and wipe over the stainless steel surface. Just a tiny bit will do it. A very thin layer of WD-40 will really shine your appliances up and keep them smudge free for a long time. If finger prints or smudges do show up, just a dry soft cloth will erase them instantly. What a time saver this has been! Try it for yourself. Source: I found this tip online after a very frustrating, and unsuccessful cleaning attempt. By antiquefreeque from WI http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Woman's Wine Quote: "Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something with which we'd like to have dinner with." Men's Counter Wine Quote: "Women are like fine wine. They all start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind and then turn full-bodied with age until they go all sour and vinegary and give you a headache."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked
A Texan was visiting a Maine farmer ("fahmah"). The Texas rancher was boasting to his host about the size of his spread: "I can get into my pickup truck and drive all day and still not reach the boundary of my ranch", he bragged. The Mainer shook his head knowingly, and replyed, "Aayuhh, I had a truck like that once, too."

» Cactus Rally 2010
(Dianne is on vacation)
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Is XP support really ending? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, May 8, 2010

Good Morning, ! Today we took a shortcut to Cedar City, through anb area where both Opuntias (Prickly Pears) and Engelmanns were both abundant and in full bloom. Dad was ecstatic. Click, Click, Click, Click,... Yes, we did climb some barb wire fences, but out in the desert nobody seems to pay attention to that. We don't take anything (except pictures), and we don't leave anything behind. In Cedar City we had some excellent cheese cake at an empty Dennys, where they were so glad to see us, that the manager came out to open the door for us. The coffee there was way above Utah average too, I would say on par with Tim Hortons in Canada, three classes above Starbucks. From there it was a high speed run up Highway 56 to Beryl Junction, then down Highway 18 to Veyo. Beautiful road and no traffic, well no slow traffic holding you back. A bit past Veyo we veered off to Snow Canyon, a hidden gem known to very few people. There you see black volcanic craters amidst red and burned orange and apricot mountains, and at this time of year a lot of blooming desert flowers and cacti, a real riot of color. Many of the craggy mountains show a lot of holes, left by animals or sea life that were buried in the ocean bottom mud and turned to oil and gas, while the mud turned to stone. Eventually, though, we headed down to St George, up the Interstate 15 and off to Hurricane. A great salad bar buffet at JBs rounded off a beautiful day. Have FUN! DearWebby
"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." --- Sydney J. Harris A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience. --- Doug Larson
A judge was instructing the jury that a witness was not necessarily to be regarded as untruthful because he changed his statement after he gave it to the police. "For example," he said, "when I entered my chambers today, I was positive that I had my gold watch in my pocket. But then I remembered that I left in on my nightstand in my bedroom." When the judge returned home that evening, his wife asked him "Why so much urgency for your watch? Isn't sending three men to pick it up for you a bit extreme?" "What?" said the judge, "I didn't send anyone for my watch, let alone three people. What did you do?" "I gave it to the first one," said the wife, "he knew exactly where it was."
A young man wanted to get his beautiful wife Tricia something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decides to buy her a cell phone. She is all excited, she loves her phone. He shows her and explains to her all the features on the phone. The next day Tricia goes shopping. Her phone rings and it's her husband, "Hi hun," he says "how do you like your new phone?" She replies "I just love it, it's so small and your voice is clear as a bell but there's one thing I don't understand though." "What's that, baby?" asks the husband. "How did you know I was at Wal- Mart?"
Thanks to Sandie for this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the principal and vice principal of Live Oak High School in Morgan Hill, Mexifornia. Students kicked out for displaying American flag Daniel Galli says he and his friends were sitting at a table during brunch break when the vice principal asked two of the boys to remove American flag bandannas that they wearing on their heads and for the others to turn their American flag T-shirts inside out. When they refused, the boys were ordered to go to the principal's office. "They said we could wear it on any other day," Daniel Galli said, "but today is sensitive to Mexican-Americans because it's supposed to be their holiday so we were not allowed to wear American flags today." "They said if we tried to go back to class with our shirts not taken off, they said it was defiance and we would get suspended," Dominic Maciel, Galli's friend, said. The boys really had no choice, and went home to avoid suspension. They say they're angry they were not allowed to express their American pride. Their parents are just as upset, calling what happened to their children, "total nonsense." The five boys and their families met with a Morgan Hill Unified School District official Wednesday night. The district and the school do not see eye-to-eye on the incident and released the following statement: The district does not concur with the Live Oak High School administration's interpretation of either board or district policy related to these actions. The boys will not be suspended and were allowed to return to school Thursday. We spotted one of them when he got to campus -- and, yes, he was sporting an American flag T-shirt.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Chiquita Re: Is XP support really ending? Dear Webby I read at various places that Microsoft support for XP will be ending soon. Is that just paid propaganda, or something to worry about? Chiquita Dear Chiquita Just paid propaganda. Make a note of whoever spouts that propaganda, and remember that they are full of crap. They will lie about the next topic too, just like they lied about XP support ending in favor of Vista. Most of them are just re-using their old lies and just replacing the word Vista with Windows 7. Microsoft doesn't support Windows 7 either. They just tell you to go to whoever you bought the computer from, AFTER they make you type in the Windows serial number. Since Blonde Windows is not suitable for industry and commerce, the moment they stop security updatesffor XP, there will be a mass migration to Linux. In the current economy companies can't afford to dump millions of perfectly good XP machines and hire 20% more people to cope with the slower W7 operating system. Blonde Windows probably has many cute features for game players and recreational users, but as far as industry and commerce is concerned, it is not something that is needed or justified in the current economy. Especially, since there ARE still problems with Windows 7. A good example is the inability to read SD camera chips, that already have pictures on them. Windows 7, straight out of the box, can't read them. You have to take them to somebody, who is smart enough to either keep an XP machine or else has switched to Linux or Mac. Even though bare-bones machines are more expensive without the subsidy, that Microsoft pays the manufacturers for putting Windows 7 onto new machines, Bare-bones and XP machines are well worth the extra cost in the long run. With XP machines companies don't have to increase staff levels. Same story as with Vista. That is why they skipped Vista. Also, a lot of companies have a "Plan B" ready, a customized Linux installation, that will run all of that company's WORK programs. Plan B can be implemented overnight, and many companies are paving the way towards that by switching from the expensiv e Microsoft Office to the free Open Office. Since nobody ever comes back from Linux to Windows, Microsoft is in no hurry to push industry and commerce to implement Pan B. So, don't let the paid shills stampede you. It would probably be a good idea, though, to get on friendly terms with a neighbor, who has already switched to Linux. Have FUN! DearWebby
A monastery in the English countryside has fallen on hard times, and the monks decide to open a fish- and-chips restaurant. The establishment soon became very popular, attracting people from all over. One city fellow, thinking himself clever, asked one of the brothers standing nearby, "I suppose you're the 'fish friar?'" "No," answered the brother, straight-faced. "I'm the 'chip monk.'"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Safety Straps to Secure Purse While Shopping Whenever I'm shopping, and shopping carts are available, I "strap" my purse into the child seat. Doing this allows me to shop and not have to worry about my purse being stolen. By ptbyarspp from Lockney, TX http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. Now it was question time and she asked, "My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?" A little boy on the front row said, "You're a mother!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
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Q. What is the difference between a hunter and a fisherman? A. A hunter lies in wait and a fisherman waits and lies.

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Wrist problem from typing 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, May 7, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Good Morning, ! Today we viewed Zion Park from West to East. Yes, I know, people who have never seen mountains in full color, and think they are all just shades of gray, will think that is silly. However, Zion Park is the equivalent of switching from a Black & White movie to full color. All the mountains, a few thousand of them, are in some shade of red, from apricot to dark wine red. And the mountains there are anything but smooth. Except at mid-day, when the sun is straight overhead, the rough and craggy cliffs on the steep and sheer sides show in great contrast. Like Utah Road 95, Zion Park is 3D on turbo! About 15 years ago I saw a face in one of the mountains in Zion Park, and have shown pictures of it to people. It is a kind and smiling face, a few hundred feet high. Nobody I talked to had noticed it before, but a few people, who have seen my pictures, have since then seen it. Some even got quite religious about it. I don't blame them one bit. That kind and benevolent face in full color in the midst of that magnificent scenery is definitely awe inspiring. But then so are simple boulders in that park. There is one right beside the road, about the size of a small house, with holes in the side from where small and medium size ocean dwellers had displaced mud while it turned to stone Millions of years ago, and on top of it is a three foot high bent and twisted mountain pine, that looks like it is about three to four hundred years old. Everybody else just drives on by, but I am grateful that I saw and noticed it. I stopped and walked back to it, and once I am back on an XP machine, I'll show you a picture of it. Have FUN! DearWebby
Any fool can make a rule, and any fool will mind it. --- Henry David Thoreau Real friends are those who, when you've made a fool of yourself, don't feel you've done a permanent job. --- Socratex
A fifth grader looks sad, so her teacher asks, "What's the problem? I hope it's not homework again." "Well, uh, yes it is," the little girl says. "I accidentally made my homework paper into a paper airplane." "That wasn't a very bright thing to do," says the teacher, "but just this once, I'll let you just unfold the paper and hand it in." "Oh, but that won't work," the girl says, looking even sadder. "You see, the plane was hijacked, and Little Johnny already handed it in as his."
If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws.
Thanks to Sandie for this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jennifer LaPenta, 19, of Round Lake Park, Illinois Jail for inappropriate t-shirt A Round Lake Park woman was held in contempt and jailed for two days for the message on her T-shirt. The message was: "I own the (female body part), so I make the rules." LaPenta said she bought the shirt in the gay section of Spencer's. She said she is openly homosexual and said the judge was a "homophobe" for putting her in custody for wearing the shirt. In addition to her looks, which seem to be quite adequate for permanent protection from pregnancy, her sexual orientation make the text on her t-shirt totally irrelevant. She needs a brain implant even more desperately than silicone, before anybody would consider her wishes as a rule. Associate Judge Helen Rozenburg charged LaPenta with contempt of court for wearing the garment in her courtroom Monday. LaPenta was sitting in the gallery waiting for a friend's case to be called when the judge called her forward. Rozenburg asked LaPenta if she thought her shirt was appropriate. LaPenta said she told the judge that it would have been inaprorpriate had she been the defendant. Rozenburg immediately sentenced her to 48 hours in jail and had her cuffed, LaPenta said.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Elvira Re: Sore wrists from typing Dear Webby My job involves a lot of typing, and lately it seems that causes me sore and painful wrists. I told my boss that my desk was too high for my kind of work, but he just laughed and said that maybe I was too short and should sit on a stack of pillows. What do you recommend? Elvira Dear Elvira Keep a log of any and all conversations on that topic, with dates and times. Put it in writing that you request a desk or typing surface, that is at the proper height for typing. (Upper arms straight up and down, lower arms and wrists level and wrists supported) There is plenty of information about that on the web, and, depending on your location, your boss could get into serious trouble over that. Keep in mind, though, that contacting Workers Compensation or OSHA behind your boss'es back would most likely be a career limiting move. If it does come to hostilities, your log will make a tremendous difference. Best, though is to try and solve the problem amicably. Find out if your desk can be lowered. Quite often that can be done without incurring any costs. If that can't be done, Home Depot has sturdy slide-out keyboard trays that can be screwed under a desk or even under a drawer for $12 to $15. I have even seen solutions, where a drawer on a counter was reduced in height, and a slide-out keyboard tray was screwed onto the bottom of the modified drawer. There are many solutions, that don't require replacing the desk. Also, consider the high-stem typist chairs with ring type foot rests. Before the women's lib movement decided that typist chairs made women look like sex objects, and promoted executive slouch chairs, there were a lot fewer permanent wrist injuries. Those high stem typist chairs are still available, usually in the $49 - $99 range, but may require some searching. Most furniture places prefer to stock and sell $350 executive chairs. If you can present your boss with a reasonable solution, chances are that he will coopoerate and hostilities won't be necessary. Have FUN! DearWebby
Joe, the Governor's most trusted assistant, died in his sleep one night. The Governor had depended on Joe for advice on every subject, from pending bills to wardrobe decisions. In addition, Joe had been his closest friend. So, it was understandable that the Governor didn't take kindly to the droves of ambitious office seekers who wanted Joe's job. "They don't even have the decency to wait until the man is buried," the Governor muttered. At the funeral, one eager beaver made his way to the Governor's side. "Governor," the man said, "is there a chance that I could take Joe's place?" "Certainly," the governor replied. "But you'd better hurry. I think the undertaker is almost finished."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Safety Straps to Secure Purse While Shopping Whenever I'm shopping, and shopping carts are available, I "strap" my purse into the child seat. Doing this allows me to shop and not have to worry about my purse being stolen. By ptbyarspp from Lockney, TX http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

From Australia, where they have the cold season now: It was so cold last night the police stopped 3 youths pushing a mobile home down the street! When questioned by police they claimed to be trying to jump start the furnace!
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Nancy went to the emergency room for medical treatment on two badly burned ears . "What happened" asked the doctor. "Well, I was ironing while I was also watching a soap on TV, when the phone rang. I answered the iron." The doctor nodded, "But what happened to the other ear?" "Well, no sooner had I hung up," said Nancy, "when the neighbor called and asked what all the screaming was about."

» Cactus Rally 2010
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¸Mouse dies after two minutes 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, May 6, 2010

Good Morning, ! It's early morning here, in Hurricane, Utah. We had gone for supper to Lupitas, a Mexican restaurant we had been to before, about five years ago. We had Fajitas again. This time they were totally bland but really greasy. It seemed like the cook had run out of Fajita spices and just used a lot of grease and MSG. MSG has a very predictable effect on me. It makes me very sleepy. After we got back to the hotel I answered email for an hour, but then felt an irresistable urge to have a brief nap. When I regained consciousness, at 4 am, I was not happy. By now all newsletters should have been written and sent out. I will most definitely stay away from Lupitas and the world's blandest Fajitas. Yesterday we traveled South from Escalante and took a mess of pictures of all the orange and apricot-red spires north of Bryce canyon, but didn't go elbow tourists right at the canyon. Done that often enough. Instead, we headed North to Panguitch. The road from there to Broken Cedar National Monument unfortunately was closed. It had snowed the night before and they had not cleared the road yet. Apparently no Glow-Bull warming there. So we headed straight south to the Kanab National Forest. Great scenery and fast, beautiful mountain road. Lake Jacobs, behind the Grand Canyon, looked closed too, but it's not far from there to a breathtaking viewpoint over the Vermillion Cliffs. For those of you, who have never seen the Vermillion Cliffs, it is a red rock cliff 3000 to 6500 feet tall rising abruptly from a flat valley, for over 40 miles! Yes, a 40 mile long red cliff rising out of a green valley. When you come over the crest of the mountain facing them, there is the valley and the cliffs. POW! No matter how often you have seen them, they are totally\ awesome. After gazing at them for a while, we headed North again to Carmel Junction and took a left through Zion Park. Zion Park is breathtaking at any time, but is by far the best very late in the afternoon, when the evening sun casts a warm glow and deep contrasts on all the red and orangy spires. The proper way to enjoy Zion Park would be standing up in a convertible, but with a lot of photo stops the park is awesome enough. Expect tourists to stop in the middle of the road to gawk and take pictures. Just grin and use the opportunity to take some pictures too. You would be extremely silly trying to be in a hurry through Zion Park anyway. By the way, the $25 toll for the park gives you a permit to enter the park for seven days. If it is your first time to see Zion Park, plan on spending a night at either end and seeing it again the next day. You will see a lot, that you missed on the first trip through. Have FUN! DearWebby
Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal. --- Albert Camus Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd. --- Voltaire Any fool can make a rule, and any fool will mind it. --- Henry David Thoreau
If you jog in a jogging suit, lounge in lounging pajamas, and smoke in a smoking jacket, why would anyone want to wear a windbreaker?
A woman was in the habit of having long telephone conversations that sometimes lasted over an hour. One day she hung up after 25 minutes. "What is the matter?" asked her husband. "You were on the phone talking for less than half an hour." "I got a wrong number," the woman replied.
Thanks to Sheryl for this picture: Mojave Poppies Dear Webby, I thought you'd like this photo I took of the California Poppies in the Mojave Desert, California. It was taken in April. Sheryl
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 20 year old car thief from Milwaukee, Wisconsin Car thief in drag leads cops on high-speed chase A man dressed in women's clothing and makeup has been stealing cars and leading police on high-speed chases. According to Wauwatosa police: The most recent incident occurred Friday morning, when a motorcycle cop stopped a speeding vehicle in the 9800 block of Byron Place. The officer immediately noticed the male driver was dressed as a woman, so he asked for identification. The driver did not have a license and got nervous when the officer asked who owned the car. The driver quickly accelerated the car and fled. A chase ensued for about a minute, but with the fleeing vehicle reaching speeds of 100 mph and driving recklessly, officers decided to stop the chase for the safety of other drivers. A check of the license plate number showed the vehicle had been stolen from Brookfield Square two weeks earlier. Brookfield police say the driver is a 20-year-old Milwaukee man who has taken several vehicles and used them in high-speed chases, each time dressed in women's clothing and makeup. One of these days they are going to get him and not let him get away.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Annette re: Mouse dies after two minutes Dear Webby I need your help sweetheart! why is it everytime here lately I am online about 2 mins and my mouse freezes up? what can I do to stop this?, I love your letter every day and I do appreciate all you do, I know you put a lot of work into your website, take care and thanks for all your help, Sincerly, Annette. Dear Annette I would try replacing the driver for that mouse straight from the CD, that came with it, or downloaded from the manufacturer's web site. If that doesn't help, replace the mouse. You may be able to limp along by unplugging and re-plugging the mouse, whenever it locks up. If that briefly helps, it is a good indication that it is time for a replacement. If a different mouse does not cause the same problem, don't put the bad mouse on a shelf to frustrate you again some other time. Dispose of it permanently. Have FUN! DearWebby
A heart surgeon died and his wife carefully planned his funeral. She had arranged for his coffin to sit in front of a large heart made from flowers. At the end of the funeral the heart opened and the coffin was rolled into it. At that point a man in the back started laughing hysterically. The woman beside him, appalled at his behavior, asked "Why are you laughing!" "I was just thinking about my own funeral," he sputtered out between laughs. "I am a ......ologist!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Mother's Day Garden For Mother's Day 7 years ago, my husband and sons picked several rose bushes to plant for me in my "Mother's Day" Garden. It has bloomed beautifully since then and it was great to have all 4 sons and my husband work together on a project for me. By Maria from Dallas, TX http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The crumbling, old church building needed re- modeling, so the preacher made an impassioned appeal, looking directly at the richest may in town. At the end of the message, the rich man stood up and announced, "Pastor, I will contribute $1,000." Just then, plaster fell from the ceiling and struck the rich man on the shoulder. He promptly stood again and shouted, "Pastor, I will increase my donation to $5,000." As he sat back down, somebody a few rows behind him lightly tossed a bit of plaster that had fallen there, onto him. The rich guy virtually screamed, "Pastor, I will double my last pledge." As he sat down, somebody tossed an even larger chunk of plaster onto him. He jumped up once more and hollered, "Pastor, I will give $20,000!" This prompted a deacon, who had not seen the pranksters, to shout, "Hit him again, Lord! Hit him again! We'll get a new church yet!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Brenda's 6 year old was explaining to the other kids what "extinct" meant: "Well," she said in all seriousness, "it means that the dinosaurs are all dead and have been dead so long they don't stink anymore, that's why they call them exstinkt."

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How to fix file association problems 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Good Morning, ! Today we backtracked on our route to look at some features in more detail. Across from the Hotel here is the Escalante Gallery, where there isn't just beautiful artwork displayed and sold, but also Tracy and Jan, the proprietors, who have an XP computer! Jan copied the pictures from one camera chip onto a DVD for me, and I finally got to see what kinds of pictures this camera takes. My good ol Canon IS-2S didn't survive the airport security, or maybe the flight, and I wound up having to buy a cheap replacement on the way out of Las Vegas. While Jan did the copying, Tracy told me about interesting places in the area, and even drew me a map. He even told me about some ancient rock drawings near the bridge about 13 miles back and even showed me some pictures he took. It didn't take us long to get to that bridge, and by sheer coincidence a couple of very athletic, young rock climbers happened to be there, preparing to climb up to where the petroglyphs are. So I followed them, and found out rather quickly that my climbing skills and condition had deteriorated somewhat in the 40 years difference in our ages. One of the friendly fellows even gave me a helping hand on a challenging spot, but after that I lagged behind. I made it up about 300 feet above the road and saw the small set of petroglyphs, but started to seriously overheat. So I turned back, and made it safely back to the road just a minute before they got back too. They had gon on to a second set, but according to them, I didn't really miss anything. On the way down I had found some very pretty triglochitaus cacti with fire red blossoms, and took a bunch of pictures of them. On the road up from the canyon bottom I decided to take a picture for an overview showing the terrain where that type of cactus lives. From there nI saw that there nwould have been a much easier and a lot less strenuous route up that cliff. Next time. After that we checked out some sights on the "Hole In The Rock" area and found quite a few more cacti to take pictures of. Wednesday, as you read this, we will be traveling to Bryce Canyon, Panguitch Lake, Brian Head, Cedar Breaks National Monument, Carmel, Zion Park, and Hurricane. I got another 2 Gb camera chip and spare batteries ready in the car. Have FUN! DearWebby
When love is gone, there's always justice. And when justice is gone, there's always force. And when force is gone, there's always Mom. Hi, Mom! --- Laurie Anderson "There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face." ---Ben Williams
Several months after a young man is hired, he is called into the personnel director's office. "What is the meaning of this?" the director asks. "When you applied for this job, you told us you had five years of experience. Now we discovered this is the first job you've ever held." "Well," the young man replies, "in your advertisement you said you wanted somebody with imagination, and since it was your accounting department who found out, and not my foreman, I would say that was good enough."
Two highway patrolmen stop a driver for speeding on the state highway in Waxahachie, Texas. As they are writing up the ticket, one trooper turns to the other and asks, "How do you spell Waxahachie?" The other one replies, "I don't know." "What are we going to do?" the first one asks. "If we spell it wrong, the judge will dismiss the charge." "Well," says his partner, "why don't we just let him go and stop him again when he gets to Waco?"
Indian Paintbrush on Route 12 in Utah
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a Bonehead in Calgary, Alberta. Sent in by Dianne: Man takes dangerous CTrain ride Calgary Transit is investigating after a dangerous stunt on a moving CTrain. CTrain is Calgary's Light Rapid Transit train. Ctrains are operated by remote control, mostly by computer. There is no staff on board the trains or at the stations. A man was caught on video, by a CTV Calgary viewer, riding on the coupling between two CTrain cars. The video was taken last Thursday and shows the man riding outside the train over the Bow River. At one point he pulls out a bottle of booze and gives fellow passengers the finger. Laura Bevelander took the video and says she called for help using the LRT help box, as well as dialing 911. Calgary transit says it received her messages and dispatched police. The man hopped off the train at the next station and stood on the platform. By the time officers got to the station the man was no longer there. Officers are still trying to track him down. According to Calgary bylaws, the man could be charged with a penalty of up to $2,000. Calgary Transit officials say they will be meeting with police on Wednesday and will forward the case onto them. If the man is found, he could face criminal mischief charges which come with a penalty of six-months in prison and/or a $2,000 fine.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jaye re: File Association problem Dear Webby Windows has the following information about this file type. This page will help you find software needed to open your file. File Type: Unknown Description: Windows does not recognize this file type. UT-12Tour. Now what?": Jaye Dear Jaye first download Google Earth from http://earth.google.com and install it. Then, when Windows plays stupid, and acts like it does not know what to do with a kmz file, hit the browse button on that screen and select Google Earth, and tell it to always use that program for that type of file. KMZ files have been around for a long time, but Windows acts like they are something new. By the way, it would be a very good idea, if you went into the File Explorer, Tools, Folder Options, View, and put a checkmark on showing file extensions at all times. Have FUN! DearWebby
Two young men are speculating on how long they might live, and one says he thinks he has a long life ahead of him. "After all," he says, "my grandfather lived to be 96." "Ninety-six? What finally got him?" the other man asks. "Liquor and women." "Well, that just goes to show you," snickers the friend, "both will get you in the end." "Well actually, no, it's not what you think," says the first man. "Toward the end, Grandpa couldn't get either one, so he just laid down and died."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Label Reusable Containers With Dry Erase Markers I buy most of my dry goods in bulk and store them in the pantry in re-used glass or plastic containers. Rather than labeling the containers with tape which sometimes leaves the sticky residue, I use erasable markers (vis-a-vis), the kind that wipe off with water. We use the same markers on the wipe-off calendar to keep up with the family schedule. I write on the side of the container what it is, and the basic directions, and the date. Several items appear the same, and the kids can easily tell the difference now between flour and pancake mix. The marker will smudge if handled with wet hands, but when that happens I just re-write it. By jwheeler from Stockton, IA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Late one night in Washington, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. "Give me your money!" he demanded. Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this. I'm a United States Congressman!" "In that case," replied the robber, "give me MY money!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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"Mr. Clark, I'm afraid I have bad news," the doctor told his anxious patient. "You only have six months to live." The man sat in stunned silence for the next several minutes. Regaining his composure, he apologetically told his physician that he had no medical insurance. "I can't possibly pay you in that time." "Okay," the doctor said, "let's make it nine months."

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Google earth tour speed control 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Good Morning, ! It appears that some of you like my travel reports enough to write and comment, but that enough others don't like them taking space away from the jokes, so that the votes dropped quite noticeably. Actually, I had expected the opposite, that personal content would improve the voting. Well, live and learn. I'll keep this part short. Today we traveled from Torrey, Utah to Escalante. According to a sign, Highway UT12 was built as a make-work project from 1933 to 1935, with a lot of sweat and a lot of dynamite. Nowadays it would take longer than that just to get the Environmental Impact Studies done, and those alone would cost ten times more than the one Million Dollars that UT12 cost. It is an awesome road! If you looked at UT-12 Tour and clicked on Play Tour half way down the left menu, then you know how awesome it is. Especially the "Devil's Backbone" area had us stopping to take pictures often more than twice in the same mile. Have FUN! DearWebby
Thanks to Sandie for this one: As she was about to leave the house for her new job, she thought it would be fun if he picked her up at work and they could go out to dinner. She put a note on their dining room table that said, "For a good time, call..." and she put her new work number. When her husband failed to call, she took the bus home. "Where were you?" she asked. "Didn't you get my note?" "Oh," he replied with a sheepish grin, "I wasn't sure who wrote it."
Bert's wife enrolled Molly, her lovable but dumb cocker spaniel, in a ten-week obedience class. At the end of the term Molly had made little progress. She re-enrolled her, but at the end of the second course Molly was still noticeably behind her canine classmates. The instructor, perhaps determined to succeed with that dog, offered to let her repeat the course for the third time at no charge. That evening Bert heard his wife on the phone with her mother. "Guess what?" she said. "Molly was the only dog in her class to get a scholarship!"
Thanks to Sue for this picture: Song Sparrow in the rain
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 47 year old Bonehead in Calgary, Alberta. Calgary man nearly electrocuted A 47-year-old Calgary man is in critical condition after nearly being electrocuted near Strathmore. The man was severely jolted while trying to retrieve a model rocket from a high-volotage power line at a rural property northwest of Strathmore at about 10 a.m. Sunday. RCMP say the man was on a metal ladder and used a metal pole to dislodge the rocket from the power line. After the massive jolt, he plunged about eight metres (25 feet) to the ground. Bystanders performed CPR until EMS arrived. The man was transported to Strathmore Hospital where he was picked up by STARS Air Ambulance and transported to Foothills Medical Centre in Calgary where he remains in critical condition. A second man was also injured. He was treated at Strathmore Hospital and released.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Angela re: Google Earth Tour Dear Webby I have been on a LOT of bus tours, trying to make sure that my ungratefrul heirs won't be burdened with any undeserved funds, -and I am still working on that project-, but I have NEVER been on any tour, on which I saw a tenth of the scenery, that I saw on your tours. The only part, that I don't like is the high speed. Driving that fast is rather nerve-wracking for me. Do you really have to drive THAT fast? Is there a way to watch the tour in slow motion, like the instant replays in sports? Thanks Angela Dear Angela Those tours are not real movies of me driving. They are just a computer simulation, and you can adjust the speed. I set the speed quite high, so that people can watch it during a coffee break. You can adjust the speed to whatever is most comfortable for you. Just click on Tools, Options, Touring, and slide the control for speed to the left. A fringe benefit of that is that a slower driving speed gives the computer time to show more landscape details. For those of you, who just saw a route line and no movie of flying the route, go half way down the side menu on Google Earth, and look for a button with 3 little squares or a movie camera on it. If you hover over that, it says: "Play Tour". Hit that! Here is the link again: UT-12 Save that and run it. Have FUN! DearWebby
Thanks to Roland for this story: As I was nursing my baby, my cousin's six-year-old daughter, Krissy, came into the room. Never having seen anyone breast feed before, she was intrigued and full of all kinds of questions about what I was doing. After mulling over my answers, she remarked, 'My mom has some of those, but I don't think she knows how to use them.'
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Second Hand Smoke Hurts Pets I was recently hospitalized when I couldn't breathe because of what began as a bad cold. Not surprisingly, after being a life long smoker, I was diagnosed with COPD (Acute Bronchitis). Needless to say an oxygen saturation count of 84 was enough for me to finally give up those cigarettes for good, but it also has made me think about the effects my unhealthy habit has had on others in my life. Thankfully, I have not smoked inside my home for over a decade and this new alert from the ASPCA makes me even more thankful for that, because my seven year old indoor cat Rachel had serious lung problems already when I rescued her as a kitten. Please read this alert! And it's not only the second hand smoke you need to consider when it comes to the health of your loved ones and your beloved pets: * Secondhand Smoke: Silent Killer Hurts Pets, Too By Deeli from Richland, WAhttp://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

His wife's graveside service was just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance. The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, "Sounds like she's been told!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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During class, the chemistry professor was demonstrating the properties of various acids. "Now I'm dropping this silver coin into this glass of acid. Will it dissolve?" "No, sir," a student called out. "No?" queried the professor. "Perhaps you can explain why the silver coin won't dissolve." "Well, Professor Mc Scottish, if it would, you would have asked for MY coin for the experiment !"

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Configuring Google Earth for a tour 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, May 3, 2010

Good Morning, ! Sunday morning greeted us with snow and very uncomfortable wind. So we decided on a day of rest and catching up on email. Yesterday, I didn't mean to pooh-pooh Monument Valley. Those majestic spires are definitely very unique and very interesting sights. That is why Millions of people come from all over the world to look up at them and shiver in awe, and to take memories and pictures home. Those lonely spires only pale, when you drive SR95. There you see forests of multi-colored rock spires, from ochre to black, from apricot to orange to dark wine colored, and often many colors in contrasting bands. Some of the craggy spires have countless round holes of different sizes. The holes are from once living things that died, sunk into the mud to the bottom of the ocean and eventually turned to oil and gas, while the mud turned to stone. It is anybody's guess whether the holes were once filled by an ocean dweller, or by something washed into the ocean by a river. The high incidence of holes in some areas, and total absence in others, definitely makes me think that the areas with lots of holes were once a river estuary or delta, where dead land animals flushed towards the ocean by a flood Millions of years ago, have sunk into the mud. All those spires and craggy, steep and colorful mountains and canyons are totally awesome, and well worth a trip. If you can't get there, here is a Google Earth tour of it: SR95, save, then run ( You need Google Earth installed to run that tour. ) Keep in mind that Google Earth smoothes the details of steep mountains and canyons, no matter how rugged and craggy they are, to be able to show a fast tour on even an old computer. It will still be an awesome trip! Have FUN! DearWebby
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy. --- Charlie McCarthy Lazyness is the mother of invention, not necessity. --- Socratex
An airport ticketing agent was working at the counter and began asking a passenger the required security questions. "Have you received any objects from an unknown person to carry aboard the airplane today?" "No," said the woman. "Did you pack your own suitcase?" she inquired, pointing to the traveler's rolling carry- on bag. "Yes," she answered. "Has your bag been under your control since you've been in the airport?" "Well, no, not exactly," the passenger said with a sigh. "The silly thing keeps either trying to go every which way, or else it's trying to trip me. I feel like I am under IT's control."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Steven Simmons, 49, in Marion, Florida VERY Bad Example: Teacher caught stealing from student's lockers Students sick of getting their lockers broken into and having their money disappear set up a cell phone camera to hopefully catch the crook in the act. Deputies said the video showed the crook was Steven Simmons, 49, their PE teacher. It's news that spread quickly at North Marion High School. “There's videos going around and forwarded messages of his mug shot, and it's crazy,” said Shelby Revels, a North Marion High student. Deputies said at first Simmons denied going into the lockers. However, when confronted with the video, they said he confessed to stealing money from students for years. This year, it totaled around $400. “When you think about it, like, he does have a job,” Revels said. “He can work for his money. Why would he steal it, especially from the school he works at. I just think that's insane.” A spokesman for Marion County Schools said Simmons has nothing negative in his employee file after working in the school district for 25 years, which makes this all the more surprising to those who know him. Deputies said after years of thefts and no other suspects, the video played a key role. “It wasn't until a student set up this video and actually caught the teacher doing it and he was able to say look you can clearly see it's the Physical Education teacher,” said Jenifer Lowe, a spokeswoman for the Marion County Sheriff’s Office. A school spokesman said it's possible the student who recorded the cell phone video will get in trouble as well, because students are not supposed to use their phones during the day. School officials said they are not allowed to record video in locker rooms because of privacy. There is no word on what the repercussions for the student will be. --- I have a hunch that they will have a major discipline problem and quite possibly some major vandalism, if they punish that student.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Maia re: Google Earth Dear Webby I downloaded Google Earth, but the whole thing is a bit intimidating. How do you set all those parameters for a tour? I am afraid I will mess it up for good. Can you 'splain it in simple terms? Thanks Maia Dear Maia Don't worry, you can always restore the defaults. There is a button for that at the left bottom corner in TOOLS, OPTIONS in Google Earth. If you download and save the tour file, that I mention at the top, it will set the parameters for you. If you want to set them for a tour of your own, set the camera angle to 80 degrees, the distance to 1000 Meters / 3000 feet and the speed about half way. You can always increase the speed, if your computer can handle it, without smoothing and glossing over too many details. In the 3D part in the options, set the height exaggeration to 2:1. At a camera angle like 80 degrees, that gives you the best results. While you are reading this, I will be driving UT-12 Save that and run it. Have FUN! DearWebby
In a cafeteria : "Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria." and hand written underneath: "Sandals can eat any place they want."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Your Bread Bag Ties no new tip at http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

There are only two things a child will share willingly: communicable diseases and his mother's age. --- We spend the first six years teaching our children to walk and talk, and the next fifteen years telling them to sit down and be quiet.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Bernie's mom admitted to being a less than fastidious housekeeper. One evening dad returned home from work, walked into the kitchen and said, "You know, dear, I can write my name in the dust on the mantel." Mom turned to him and sweetly replied, "Well, darling, that's a pretty good start! I'm sure with some patient practising you could even learn to dust it!"

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Norton Adware after UN-installing Norton 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, May 2, 2010

Good Morning, ! Today we headed north from Holbrook to ganado, Chinle, and Many Farms. There we took Indian Road 59 as a shortcut to Kayenta. It is an unknown and largely ignored road, but has good pavement and great scenery. After gassing up in Kayenta we headed north into Utah and Monument Valley. Still looks the same as last time we had clear weather there for taking pictures, but we did detour in to Goulding for lunch. Then we passed all the slow gawkers, and made good progress on Highway 163 and 261 up to Blanding. Don`t look for ANY signs or mention of SR95. Just drive to Blanding. At the southern end of the village is an inconspicuous sign that finally acknowledges that SR95 exists, and that it goes off to the left. State Route 95 apparently is a secret. It has excellent pavement, and truly AWESOME scenery. Monument Valley and Valley Of The Gods are nice, but rather boring by comparison. Keep going afterwards to Torrey, Utah, and you have 175 miles of scenery overload. The road is wide and the curves are gentle. You can take anybody along on that road. SR95 has just become my most scenic road today. I will most definitely drive it again. To get a rough idea of that road, fly it with Google Earth! First do DIRECTIONS, from Blanding, UT to Torrey, UT. Set the options for a camera angle of 85 degrees, your altitude to 250 meters or 750 feet, and the speed to SLOW. The faster you fly, the more Google Earth will round things off. It will still look like everything is smoothed with a thick layer of ice on your helicopter window, but you will get a good idea of the terrain. Have FUN! DearWebby
An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing. A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready. "All set back here, Captain," came the reply, "except one lawyer who is still going around passing out business cards."
Two women are discussing marriage, and one says, "We've been married 10 years, and every night my husband has complained about dinner. Not one night without complaining about the food." "That's awful," the other woman says. "That must really bother you." "No, not in the slightest," says the first one. "You must be a saint," her friend says. "Why should I object?" the first one says. "A lot of people don't like their own cooking."
SR95, not my picture. My camera is still sandbagged by W7.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jayson Stevenson, Rico Razaly, Dennis Heinz and some other hockey coaches from Cobourg Ontario. Bad Example Hockey brawls aren’t news. When they’re in a bar, that makes them a little more interesting. When they’re in a bar and they involve the DADS of the players….who are also the coaches… now you’re talking. So we’re pleased to bring you an update on the boozy battle at the bar at the Holiday Inn Grand Island. But first…let’s refresh your memory. Erie County sheriff’s deputies were called to the bar last December. When they arrived they were….and this is a direct quote from their press release… “met by a bar full of belligerent, obnoxious, intoxicated Ontario men”. Which kind of sums up most Ontario men….but that’s another story. The Canadians were in town for a youth hockey tournament. Deputies say they were attacked the minute they entered the bar….so they called for backup. That led to a bunch of American cops and a bunch of Canadian hockey dads pretty much re-enacting the War of 1812 (ironically, in the same area where the War of 1812 was actually fought). Oh yeah….one of the Canadians also pulled his pants down. So after the ruckus, three men from Cobourg Ontario were arrested. The rest apparently got away. They were in Grand Island Town Court last night. Jayson Stevenson pleaded guilty to a reduced charge of attempted obstructing governmental administration….had every other charge dismissed…and paid a little over $700 in fines. Rico Razaly was told if he stays out of trouble for six months, his case will be dismissed. Dennis Heinz had his case adjourned till May 12th. Stevenson and Heinz, by the way, both resigned their positions as youth hockey coaches….you know, the whole “setting a bad example for the kids” thing. But if they ever make “Slap Shot 4”, these guys should be first in line for a consulting job.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jean re: Norton nagger after un-install I've uninstalled Norton, and used your Norton Removal Tool to get rid of it, but the Norton Online Backup Window keeps coming up when I start the computer! I'm using Windows 7 knowing I should have gotten XP, but live and learn. Any help in getting rid of it would be appreciated Thanks, Jean Dear Jean Is that ad-ware put onto your machine by some sleazy seller of the machine? Screech a temper tantrum at the obnoxious crooks, and tell them you paid for your machine and that you won't tolerate that the W7 lemon, that they conned you into, is being used to earn commissions for a bunch of two-bit con artists. Demand that they tell you instantly how to get their obnoxious ad-ware off the machine. Have FUN! DearWebby
Good jokes always come back. Here is an Oldie Goldie that came back to me today: What would Bible characters drive? One theory is that God would tool around in an old Plymouth because "the Bible says God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury." But in Psalm 83, the Almighty clearly owns a Pontiac and a Geo. The passage urges the Lord to "pursue your enemies with your Tempest and terrify them with your Storm." Perhaps God favors Dodge pickup trucks, because Moses' followers are warned not to go up a mountain "until the Ram's horn sounds a long blast." Meanwhile, Moses rode an old British motorcycle, as evidenced by a Bible passage declaring that "the roar of Moses' Triumph is heard in the hills." Joshua also drove a Triumph, but with a hole in its muffler: "Joshua's Triumph was heard throughout the land." Some scholars insist that Jesus drove a Honda but didn't like to talk about it. As proof, they cite a verse in St. John's gospel where Christ tells the crowd, "For I did not speak of my own Accord..." Thus following their Master's lead, the Apostles car-pooled in a Honda ...."All the Apostles were in one Accord."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Your Bread Bag Ties Do not throw away your bread ties from the bread bags. I reuse them for opened frozen veggies, or anything that I open that needs a tie. Keep a stash in your kitchen drawer, you will be amazed how handy they become. By Justin from Yakima, WA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

My mother always told me I wouldn't amount to anything because I procrastinate. I said, "Just wait."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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One day a salesman stopped by the Jammer Jones farm, knocked, and Jammer's wife Frannie came to the door. "Is your husband home, Ma'am?" he asked. "Sure is. He's over to the cow barn." "Well, I got something to show him, Ma'am. Will I have any difficulty finding him?" "Shouldn't have any difficulties... He's the one without horns."

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How do I reclaim space used by Windows Live OneCare Backup 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, May 1, 2010

Good Morning, ! Today we headed north from Willcox, AZ, via Safford. The part after Safford is a bit confusing, since it looks like a 2-bit country road at first, but eventually 191 turns into quite a decent highway. Next town is Clifton, a cute old mining town, and Morenci a truly awesome, world class copper mine. From Morenci straight north to Alpine is a hundred miles of pure fun for a curve carving, tire squealing adrenalin junkie, but probably sheer terror for timid drivers, and even worse for their passengers. When you see signs saying 15 MPH Motorcycles use extreme caution! then you know that hairpin is going to be a noisy squealer, and most likely followed by another squealer in the opposite direction. Needless to say, there are no trucks on that road, and very few cars. However, the pavement is excellent, and the scenery superb. This was my second, but by no means last time I drove that road. That road dipps into some valleys but is mostly up high, and some areas still had deep snow beside the road. Glow-bull warming is definitely over for this cycle. Also saw a bunch of white-tail deer beside the road. They kept a safe distance when I stopped and backed up to take pictures, but they didn't bolt into the forest. Past Alpine there was Blue Vista, a view point definitely worth stopping for. You look down over lower mountains and the foothills and the rolling prairies, and the view most definitely has a distinctly blue tinge. After we got down to lower altitudes, it was mostly just rolling prairies and fast, empty roads all the way to Holbrook. Have FUN! DearWebby
The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office. --- Robert Frost It is a far, far better thing to have a firm anchor in nonsense than to put out on the troubled sea of thought. --- John Kenneth Galbraith
Little Johnny was reading from a Hans Christian Anderson book. "Miss Figpot?" Little Johnny asked, "Does m-i- r-a-g-e spell marriage?" "No Johnny," sighed the teacher. "But it should."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Travis E. Conner III, 18 in Chicago Man charged after police track him through GPS in stolen taxi CHICAGO (STMW) -- A man is charged with robbery and aggravated vehicular hijacking after police found him at a gas station through the GPS in a stolen taxi cab. Travis E. Conner III, 18, of the 2900 block of West Fulton Street, is charged with one count of robbery and aggravated vehicular hijacking, according to a release from police News Affairs. Conner allegedly forced a taxi cab driver out of his taxi at gun point about 3:30 a.m. Sunday, the release said. He dropped his cell phone at the scene before fleeing in the cab, which is equipped with a Global Positioning System. Using the GPS, police found Conner at a gas station in the 6300 block of North Central Avenue, the release said. He was identified and a semi-automatic handgun was recovered. Conner is scheduled for a bond hearing Monday, the release said.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Glenn re: How do I reclaim space used by Windows Live OneCare Backup Hi, Webby, thank you so much for all of your helpful insights into computer (usually) malfunctions. For several years I used Windows Live One Care, till a virus wiped it out. So of course now it doesn't work. I can't use any of the Microsoft programs to restore the backups I made with Windows Live "Screw Up". Nor can I delete the *** gigabytes of external hard disk space used by that useless backup program. I had to do the format recovery to save the hard disk, but have lost everything I saved on the computer. No backup with Windows. How do I remove all the read only memory protected files of Live One "Don't Care" on that external hard disk? Thanks, Glenn Dear Glenn I am not familiar with Windows Live One Care, and considering the reputation it has, I don't plan to become familiar with it. If you don't have other, good stuff on that drive, you can format it. However, if you just want to get rid of certain parts of it, you can go to that drive with the DOS command line and change the file attributes. Let's assume that drive is drive E: START RUN cmd e: attrib -R -A -S -H E:\*.* /D then you should be able to delete that folder, and with any luck subdirectories inside that folder. You may have to repeat that for subdirectories. Quite possibly One Care also set the back-up folder as a network folder, as if it was across a LAN network, instead of on the second drive or on the end of a USB cable, and took ownership of that fake networked drive, just as if that drive was on your Mother-In-Law`s computer at the other end of the house, and she was the only one with access to it. Find that back-up folder and select it. In the right click menu, select Sharing and Security. When the Sharing and Security tab of the Properties dialog comes up, place a check mark in the middle section - "Share this folder on the network." Give the Share a name in the box for "Share Name". And place a check mark in "allow network users to change files." If necessary, change the attributes again after you set the network permissions. Have FUN! DearWebby
Delta Airlines recently introduced a special half-fare rate for wives accompanying their husbands on business trips.Anticipating some valuable testimonials, the publicity department of the airline sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip. Responses are still pouring in asking, "What trip?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Dawn Dish Soap as a Stain Remover I had a cat go on the carpet in my boy's bedroom. I was out of carpet cleaner, so I got an old tea towel. I made it wet with hot water and put Dawn dish soap on it. The stain came out and then I tried it on other stains in the room that I had already tried all kinds of cleaning products on that had never came out. The stains were gone and the carpet looks new again. I am going to use Dawn dish soap on all my carpet spills, and stains. With 3 kids, a dog and 2 cats I will always be needing it. By Kristie from Glen Rock, PA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Jack's grandfather left him $10 million, and the next week Diane agreed to marry him. After three months of married life, Jack noticed that his beautiful new wife was ignoring him more and more. On the rare occasion that she would go to bed with him she would be indifferent, or even worse, called out other men's names! Whenever they went out in public, she ignored him and flirted with other men. Finally, he decided to confront her. "Diane," he said, "the only reason you married me was because my grandfather left me $10 million when he died." "Don't be ridiculous," she replied, "I don't care who gave you the money!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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When his eyes began to give him trouble, a man went to a ophthalmologist in Prague. The doctor showed the patient the eye chart, displaying the letters CVKPNWXSCZ. "Can you read that?" the doctor asked. "Can I read it?" the Czech replied. "I dated his sister!"

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Can't read filled SD camera memory with Windows 7 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, April 29, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Good Morning, ! Today we drove another of my favorite roads, from Prescott, Arizona, via Highway 89 A through Prescott National Forest over the mountains to Sedona. It is not a fast road, but very scenic and very curvy. Coming down from the pass it goes through Jerome. My friend Jerome at spiritscents.com, the best expert for converting Windows7 and Vista to XP, claims it was NOT named after him, but I tell him that it was named in his honor. Jerome is an old silver mining town pasted onto a steep mountain and quite a sight. Then we drove east to the mountains past Camp Verde, where we know of some cacti that grow in two very different variations at the same location. Normally, differences as drastic as that occur at locations a thousand miles apart, yet, there they are within a few feet from each other. It's a mystery we have not solved yet. Then heading south we saw snow beside the road above Strawberry. No glow-bull warming there at all! At Jakes Corner we took Hwy 87 towards Mesa, because the weather in that direction was better. It is a fast and very well made mountain freeway and a real pleasure to drive. Beautiful mountainous desert in full bloom right now. Turned back before geting to Mesa and went down Highway 188 along Roosevelt Lake to Globe. Because of the time spent on Highway 87, we decided to take a shortcut to Safford and Willcox instead of the long way via Highway 77 through Mammoth. We'll try that next time. By the time we got to Willcox it was quite dark. Found out the hard way that the Super8 Hotel there blocks out-going email. The desk clerk had no clue and there was no support number. Nothing on the Super8 site either. Luckily I have direct access to my servers and can send this out directly. If you plan to send emails during a trip, check that out beforehand, or establish a gmail address beforehand and get your friends to whitelist that address. Have FUN! DearWebby
Three weeks after her wedding day, Joanna called her minister. "Reverend," she wailed, "John and I had a DREADFUL fight!" "Calm down, my child," said the minister, "it's not half as bad as you think it is. Every marriage has to have its first fight!" "I know, I know!" said Joanna, "but what am I going to do with the BODY?"
One day my mother, father, younger sister and I were traveling in the car. My sister turned to me and asked, "What does horny mean?" Being 12 years older then she was I did my best to explain what horny meant in a 10 year olds world. My mother and father helped between snickers. After explaining the best we could I asked her where she heard the word horny. Very seriously she explained, Well, in science the other day we were talking about what animals we will learn about next week, an one of the is the Horny Toad!"

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Obama Obama bans US flag in Haiti http://www.usatoday.com/news/world/2010 ... flap_N.htm Following the devastating earthquake in Haiti , the United States rushed in to help - with money, medicine, and manpower. To date, we've already given over $179 million in humanitarian aid... but Barack Obama has just ordered all U.S. installations to take down their American flags, lest we be seen as an "occupying army" rather than "international partners." It is patently appalling that a president of the United States would consider our flag to be a symbol of militaristic takeovers and colonialism, especially when serving (to a greater degree than any other nation on Earth) a humanitarian purpose. Additionally, who would think we'd want to occupy Haiti ?! The US has in the past interceded in Haiti, and told unpopular and ineffective dictators to get lost, but never occupied Haiti. The current show of flags by all the countries helping out is no more hostile than showing flags at a trade fair or sporting event. No other country giving aid in Haiti has lowered its flag. But then again, no other country has a leader who is offended by their own flag.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Me re: Read SD data chips with Windows 7 No useful tips came in today about reading SD camera chips on Blonde Windows. Yes, I know it SHOULD work, since it works fine on XP and Vista. Unfortunately W7 wants to format standard 2 GB chips, instead of reading them, if they have been used by cameras. So far the best recommendation is to format the computer and put Linux or XP on it.
Somewhat skeptical of his son's newfound determination to become Charles Atlas, the father nevertheless followed the teenager over to the weight-lifting department, admiring a set of weights. "Please, Dad," pleaded the boy, "I promise I'll use 'em every day." "I don't know, Michael. It's really a big commitment on your part," the father pointed out. "Please, Dad?" the boy continued. "They're not cheap either," the father came back. "I'll use 'em Dad, I promise. You'll see." Finally won over, the father paid for the equipment and headed for the door. From the corner of the store he heard his son yelp, "Wait! You mean I have to carry them to the car?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com No new tip today at http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

One day, two guys decide to take a drive to a local grocery store to get some lunch. On the way to the store they ran into an intersection with a stoplight. The light showed red. The man driving went right through the red light. The passenger looked at the driver and screamed, "What the heck are you doing? You're going to get us killed!" The driver responded, "Don't worry, my mother always drives like this." So later on, the two guys came to another stoplight - and that too was red. The driver sped right through the light. Again the passenger looked at the driver and said, "I thought I told you, you're gonna get us killed! Would you please stop this nonsense!" The driver looked at the passenger and responded, "All right! I get it! But I told you my mother drives like this all the time!" Again, the two guys came to another light. This time it was green. The Driver slammed on his brakes and stopped the car totally. "What the heck are you doing?" The passenger screamed, "This is the third time you almost got us killed. Why did you stop at a green light?" "Because my mother might be coming the other way!" the Driver replied.
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Two guys were doing construction on a house. The guy who was nailing down siding would reach into his nail pouch, pull out a nail, and then either toss it over his shoulder or nail it into the siding. The other guy saw him tossing all the nails over his shoulder and asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?" The first guy said, "If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it's pointed towards me, I throw it away 'cause it's defective. If it's pointed toward the house, then I nail it into the siding." The second guy was outraged. He yelled, "You idiot! The nails pointed towards you aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!"

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Can you read standard SD chips with Windows 7 ? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, April 29, 2010

If you can find something everyone agrees on, it's wrong. --- Mo Udall I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean. --- G. K. Chesterton Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example. --- Mark Twain
Good Morning, ! Did the emails while dad went for breakfast, and was able to leave Las Vegas just after morning rush-hours. Gained more time yet by sneaking out via Eastern Avenue. The Hoover Dam bridge looks quite impressive now. One section still needs decking, and the side rails still have to be completed. However, it probably won't be opened for this summer traffic. The approaches on the Arizona side won't be ready. The work on the bridge progressed a lot faster than they expected. I can't show you the pictures I took, because Blonde Windoze still can't read camera chips without wanting to format the chip and destroying the pictures. Yes, I got stuck with a W7 machine for this trip, because my laptop expired two days before the trip and I had no time to get an XP laptop. No, I am not the least bit impressed with Blonde Windoze. It may be cutesy, but it is not good enough for somebody, who expects everything to work and to get some work done in a hurry. Possibly I find a patch or utility, that will let me read the camera chip, but unless I do, you will have to wait until I get to an XP machine. The highway in Arizona was smooth and fast with little traffic. Just south-east of Wikiup is the turn-off to one of my favorite roads, Highway 97 to Bagdad. I can't resist that. It is a beautifully paved roller coaster laid into the hills without moving much dirt. They just laid it out for maximum fun and paved it. I sincerely hope that they never straighten or level that road! Just past Bagdad is the big Phelps Dodge copper mine, one of the biggest in the world. Have a look at it with Google Earth: Bagdad, AZ It is huge and very colorful. A few miles northeast of the mine we had found some Buoflama cacti many years ago. They are nearly extinct, so we go check up on them and re-plant those, that have been knocked loose by animals or the February rains. They were doing fine, and one, that I had re-planted last year, had two flowers on it. After that we took Highway 96 to Prescott and got there half an hour before sunset. Sure had a lot of email waiting for me! Have FUN! DearWebby
A lady dropped her handbag in the bustle of weekend shopping. An honest, little boy noticed her drop the handbag, so he picked it up and returned it to her. The lady looked into her handbag and commented, "Hmm.... That's funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills." The boy quickly replied, "That's right, lady. The last time I found a purse, the owner didn't have any change for a reward."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Samuel Collins, 28, of Fort Lauderdale, FL Man tries to wash down marijuana with double cheeseburger NEW PORT RICHEY — When a Pasco sheriff's deputy approached the window of Samuel Collins' Honda Del Sol about 2:30 a.m. Saturday, Collins had a baggy of marijuana in his mouth, the deputy reported. But that was just the appetizer. To swallow the baggy, Collins, 28, grabbed a double cheeseburger with both hands and began "shoving the burger into his mouth," according to the report. The deputy, who stopped Collins off U.S. 19 and State Road 54 after seeing a McDonald's bag fly out his window, yelled for Collins to spit it out. Yet Collins continued to chew and swallow, the report states, until the deputy grabbed him by his left arm and pulled him to the ground. Collins spit out the baggy and a small clear wrapper of marijuana, and the deputy found a joint on the passenger seat, the report states. Collins, who showed signs of drug and alcohol use, said he was sorry for trying to swallow the "weed" and told deputies he had a suspended license and was afraid of being arrested, the report states. Collins was charged with marijuana possession, tampering with evidence and driving without a license. Collins, a Fort Lauderdale native, paid his bond and was released from the Land O'Lakes jail Sunday. He was last arrested New Year's Day for failing to appear on a marijuana possession charge, records show.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Me re: Read SD data chips with Windows 7 I am trying to read the pictures on an SD data chip, and copy them to a Windows 7 computer, just like I have done for over a dozen years with Windows98 and XP computers. Windows 7 wants to format the SD chip and destroy the pictures. Is there a patch or utility that allows Blonde Windows to read standard SD data chips from normal cameras? ?????????

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Starting a Garden Journal Start a vegetable garden journal now, so you can begin planning for next year. Use a notebook of any sort and notate things you think would be helpful in future planning. These are the things I'm including in mine: * Dollars spent on seeds, fertilizer, soil and such. * Names of the seeds planted, date planted, and dates of first harvest. * Cost of vegetable plants to track savings from starting from seed. At $3.50 per plant versus $1 per seed packet, I saved $96.This will motivate me to start seeds on time. * Names and types of fertilizers along with how often applied. * Number of each vegetable planted. * Map of garden so I'll remember what was planted where. * General notations about diseases, problems, what worked and what didn't. * Log the weight of the produce as it comes in to track real grocery store savings. Happy gardening! By Tracey from Jacksonville, FL http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The teacher advised the class to start the day with the Pledge of Allegiance, and instructed them to put their right hands over their hearts and repeat after him. He looked around the room as he started the recitation, "I pledge allegiance to the flag..." When his eyes fell on Little Johnny, he noticed his hand over the right cheek of his buttocks. "Little Johnny, I will not continue till you put your hand over your heart." Little Johnny replied, "It is over my heart." After several attempts to get Little Johnny to put his hand over his heart, the teacher asked, "Why do you think that is your heart?" "Because, every time my Grandma comes to visit, she picks me up, pats me here, and says, 'Bless your little heart,' and my Grandma wouldn't lie."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Having lost weight over the past few years, a lady was discarding things from her wardrobe that no longer fit. Her seven-year-old daughter was watching as she held up a huge pair of slacks. "Wow," the lady said, "I must have worn these when I was a hundred and eighty." Her daughter looked puzzled and asked, "How old are you now?"

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Not all mice have drivers for tilt wheel 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, April 28, 2010

"The best rule of friendship is to keep your heart a little softer than your head." --- Socratex "There are well-dressed foolish ideas just as there are well- dressed fools." --- Nicolas Chamfort No one appreciates the value of constructive criticism more thoroughly than the one who's giving it. --- Hal Chadwick
I'm in Las Vegas, and by the time you read this, I will be on the highway, heading down to Arizona. The flight here was fine, and the pilot even made a little detour to show us a close-up of the new Hoover Dam bridge. It is not officially open yet. There were still people on it working on railings and things like that, but it is substantially completed. It looks like the grand opening could be before the end of the school year and the big summer traffic. Before the flight, though, there were a lot of very unhappy people. To help the US to cope with tourists from Canada, and also with Americans returning from Canada, Calgary built a huge US Customs facility right into the airport about 9 years ago, in line with the security check section. The customs facility has booths for 14 US customs officers, to check if anybody is smuggling Canadina Maple Syrup or Canadian Bacon into the US. There are 12 for passengers and two for crew. They had four (4) customs officers there, and they were in a friendly, chatty mood, taking their sweet time. People were freaking out, and stewardesses from held up planes were coming back, picking out their passengers and dragging them through the crew lanes. Especially American travelers were getting quite uptight at what seemed a deliberate slow-down. I have no idea whether the slow-down and work-to-rule effort was a union issue or politically motivated, but the slow shuffle through the half mile US style serpentine sure made a lot of people very unhappy. Security after that was a breeze. The all Taliban or Pakistani crews were not fazed a bit by the rivets on my jeans and whatever causing more beeps than you would expect from a fully armed Marine, but it gave the girl an excuse to grope a bit. Now I know where to stash stuff, if I ever want to do any serious smuggling. But they were fast. All security lanes, including those in the alternate route, were fully staffed and there were none of the usual line-ups in the security area at all, except a few people queueing AFTER Security for the chairs to sit on for putting shoes and boots back on. I made it to my plane on time, and was not the last at all. We took off a bit late, but as is usual with WestJet, we arrived 15 minutes early for the traditional race to the smoking area outside the terminal. No, I didn't win it this time, but I was in the top 10. Have FUN! DearWebby
An annoyingly self-righteous man went to the doctor for a check-up. He said, "I feel terrible. Please examine me and tell me what is wrong." "Let's begin with a few questions," said the doctor, "Do you drink much?" "Alcohol?" said the man. "I'm a teetotaler. Never touch a drop." "How about smoking?" asked the doctor. "Never," replied the man. "Tobacco is bad, and I have strong principles against it." "Well, uh." asked the doctor, "do you have much sex life?" "Oh, no," said the man. "Sex is sin. I'm in bed by 10:30 every night and I always have been." The doctor paused, looked at the man hard, and asked, "Well, do you have pains in your head?" "Yes," said the man. "I have terrible pains in my head." "O.K.," said the doctor. "That's your trouble. Your halo is on too tight!!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Charles Byrd, 23 and Timothy Donahue, 25, of Sugar Hill, Georgia DUI chase leads to marijuana grow house A fleeing DUI suspect led police on Saturday to his Gwinnett County marijuana grow house, authorities said. Thanks to the man's apparently drunken flight, police were able to arrest two people while confiscating pot worth more than $327,000, police said Monday. The fleeing suspect, 23-year-old Charles Byrd of Sugar Hill, was charged with driving under the influence and possession of marijuana with the intent to sell, among other things. Timothy Donahue, 25, was found hiding at the house, and also received a drug-selling charge. Around 10:17 p.m., a DUI task force officer tried to stop a green Chrysler Sebring after seeing the car break several traffic laws, police said. Rather than pull over for the officer, however, the driver -- Byrd -- leaped from the car and ran to a nearby home in the 5000 block of Cumming Highway in an unincorporated area of Gwinnett near Buford, Gwinnett police spokesman Brian Kelly said. When Byrd ran into the house and locked the door, more police were called to the scene. After surrounding the home, police approached, and Byrd soon emerged from inside. Out from behind the man crept a strong smell of pot, police noticed. So he was arrested. While dealing with Byrd, officers found Donahue hidden inside the house, Kelly said. After obtaining a search warrant, police found and seized 69 marijuana plants in varying stages of maturity, 1,490 grams of processed pot, and marijuana-cultivating equipment. In addition to drug charges, Byrd was charged with driving with an expired tag and no headlights after dark, making an improper turn, and not having his license with him while driving. Donahue also has an outstanding warrant with the Alpharetta police. Both men are being held in the Gwinnett County Detention Center without bond. Police continue to investigate and add more charges.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Frank re: Mouse problems on Windows Dear Webby Eileen and you probably expect Microsoft mice to be as modern as Logitech mice. They aren't. Forget about trying to use the tilt wheel. Sure, the hardware DOES have a tilt wheel on most modern mice, but Microsoft drivers don't recognize it. There is no way to assign any function to the left and right tilt of the scroll wheel with even the newest downloaded Microsoft drivers. The hardware is willing, but the software is lacking. If you want, and are used to the tilt wheel functions, you have to buy a Logitech mouse. Frank Dear Frank I started to suspect that, and am grateful you confirmed my suspicions. I won't waste any more money on Microsoft mice. Have FUN! DearWebby
Two men were talking. "My son asked me what I did during the Sexual Revolution," said one. "I told him I was captured early and spent the duration doing the dishes.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com No new tip today http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The other day I needed to call home from downtown, but the only pay phone I could find was in use. So I stood to the side to politely wait until it was free, thinking it would only be a couple of minutes. Five minutes went by, and still the man was on the phone. He was just standing there, not saying a word. Two minutes later, he was still not talking. Finally, I tapped him on the shoulder and asked if I could use the phone. I really wouldn't be long, but needed to make an important call. "Hold your horses," he responded, covering the receiver. "I'm talking to my wife."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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The crowded cafeteria sported a large sign reading: "Watch Your Hat And Overcoat." Ira sure did. He kept turning every minute, almost choking over his food. His pal, Barney, kept on eating, without thought of his own coat on the hook. Finally Barney said, "Ira, you Schmuck...stop watching our overcoats." "I'm only watching mine," replied Ira. "Yours has been gone for over half an hour."

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Mice erratic on Windows 7 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Living the past is a dull and lonely business; looking back strains the neck muscles, causing you to bump into people not going your way." --- Edna Ferber I write down everything I want to remember. That way, instead of spending a lot of time trying to remember what it is I wrote down, I spend the time looking for the paper I wrote it down on. --- Beryl Pfizer
Little Tommy had been to a birthday party at a friends house. Knowing his sweet tooth Tommy's mother looked straight into his eyes and said, "I hope you didn't ask for a second piece of cake." "No," replied Tommy, "but I asked Mrs. Smith for the recipe so you could make some just as good, and she gave me two more pieces without me having to ask."
A boss tells his new employee, "I'll give you 8 bucks an hour starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to 10 bucks an hour. So when would you like to start?" The employee replies, "How about in 3 months?"
Thanks to Joann for this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a Quandria (KWAN'-dree-ah) Bailey, 28 in Meriden, Conn Woman tried to use 911 as free taxi service NEW HAVEN, Conn. (AP) - Police in one Connecticut city have a warning for nightclub patrons: Don't call 911 for a ride home. New Haven police say that's what 28-year-old Quandria (KWAN'-dree-ah) Bailey did, calling the emergency line six times to request a ride from a nightclub back to her Meriden home. Bailey was charged with six counts of misuse of the 911 system early Sunday. She was released on a $1,000 bond and is scheduled to appear in court May 5.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Eileen re: Mouse problems on W7 Dear Webby Your pasting mishaps in today's (Monday's) newsletter reminded me of the problems I have with mice on W7. Just about any mouse I try has some problem. For example, he MS Laser Mouse 6000 pastes (right side-button) on proximity, if I even get close to it. Probably what happened to you yesterday. On my other current mouse, an Explorer Mini Mouse, the scroll doesn't work in all programs. Yet in some it works fine. Can that be fixed, or do I have to keep buying mice until I find one that works with W7? Eileen Dear Eileen Don't use the mouse drivers, that are built into W7. Un-install those. And don't use the mouse drivers, that are on the CD, that came with the mouse. Download the current driver from Microsoft. There are still some problems, but fewer of them. Because W7 is not really meant for work but for playing and high speed gaming, W7 is set to take mouse input instantly, without requiring even a micro-second dwell to verify that you really mean to do that. Until somebody writes a fix for that, you may have better luck with a Logitech or other multi-button mouse. Have FUN! DearWebby
Mother: "Why are you home from school so early?" Son: "I was the only one who could answer a question." Mother: "Oh, really? What was the question?" Son: "Who threw the tomato at the principal?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Your Own Hamburger Patties When forming burgers, I use a hamburger press. I would then flatten the burgers with my hands to make them thinner. This way when cooked on the grill, they don't get too thick. If the burgers are formed thin, they will be almost like the fast food restaurant burgers, depending on the type of ground beef that is used. If someone likes a thicker burger, they can put two burgers on their bun. http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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A redneck boy came home from class and his redneck father asked, "What did you learn in algebra class today, son?" "Well, I learned Pi R Square," replied the boy. "Now, hold on there son," he quickly replied, "you may think I am stupid, but everybody knows that pie are round."

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Can't download Spybot 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, April 26, 2010

"There comes a time in the affairs of a man when he has to take the bull by the tail and face the situation." --- W.C.Fields "The crisis of today is the joke of tomorrow." ---H. G. Wells
Friend: "I suppose you carry a memento of some sort in that locket of yours?" Woman: "Yes, it's a lock of my husband's hair." Friend: "But your husband is still alive." Woman: "I know, but his hair is gone."Friend: "I suppose you carry a memento of some sort in that locket of yours?" Woman: "Yes, it's a lock of my husband's hair." Friend: "But your husband is still alive." Woman: "I know, but his hair is gone."
The middle-aged man was shuffling along, bent over at the waist, as his wife helped him into the doctor's waiting room. A woman in the office viewed the scene in sympathy. "Arthritis with complications?" she asked. The wife shook her head, "Noooo....Do-it-yourself," she explained, "with concrete blocks."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 52 year old dopey fugitive in Albion, Indiana Police find suspect neck-deep in liquid manure pit ALBION, Ind. (AP) - Police said that officers searching for a man wanted on methamphetamine charges found him hiding neck-deep in a liquid manure pit at a northeastern Indiana farm. Noble County sheriff's deputies thought they'd lost the man until an officer spotted him in the tank beneath an outbuilding floor on the farm near Albion. Chief Deputy Doug Harp said the man, 52, had been neck-deep in the combination of hog and dog feces for at least an hour Tuesday evening. He later became combative and had to be shocked twice with a stun gun. The suspect was treated at a hospital for hypothermia before he being taken to jail. A Steuben County magistrate on Wednesday ordered the suspect held without bail because he missed court hearings in February and March.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Helene re: Can't download Spybot Dear Webby: Sorry to be a pain but have a big problem trying to get Spybot from your site to let me have a download. I've copied the address to mail a check to: Patrick Kolla, Safer-Networking Ltd., POBox 16, Greystones, Co. Wicklow, Ireland, so when I get I get my meager SS payment in and the few other bills paid, I'll then be able to forward a check to them. However, no matter how hard I try, the site will not let me download without first paying or charging. Is there any way to download the service they offer without being blackmailed for it first? Would appreciate any help you can offer. Thank you so much in advance. Helene Dear Helene They are only sincerely asking for help, not demanding it. You can still download the real Spypot-Search&Destroy free: http://www.safer-networking.org/en/ownm ... index.html If something is stopping you from doing that, then it is AOL or infection in your computer. Most of the newer viruses prevent you from downloading or installing programs, that could wipe them out. You might have to clear up that problem first. Have FUN! DearWebby
George had invited the pastor and his wife for dinner, and it was little Joey's job to set the table. But when it came time to eat, Joey's mother said with surprise, "Why didn't you give Mrs. Brown a knife and fork dear?". "I didn't think I needed to," Joey explained, "I heard Daddy say she always eats like a horse."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Magic Eraser for Clean Sneakers http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

An acquaintance of mine who is a veterinarian told this story about her then-four-year-old daughter. On the way to pick her up from kindergarten, she had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it. Oh, wow, thought my friend, my daughter wants to follow in my footsteps! Then the child spoke into the instrument: "Welcome to McDonald's. Do you want fwies wif that?"
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Matt went into Doc Steven's office for his annual checkup, and the Doc asked if there was anything unusual he should know about. That left it pretty wide open, so he told the Doc that he found it real strange how his suit must've shrunk just sittin' in his closet, because it didn't fit when he went to get ready for a wedding recently. The Doc said, "Suits don't shrink just sittin' there. You probably just put on a few pounds, Matt." "That's just it, Doc, I know I haven't gained a single pound since the last time I wore it." "Well, then," said Doc, "You must have a case of Furniture Disease." "What in the world is Furniture Disease?" Matt asked. "Furniture Disease, Matt, is when you reach that stage in life when your chest starts slidin' down into your drawers."

» SurrFriend: "I suppose you carry a memento of some sort in that locket of yours?" Woman: "Yes, it's a lock of my husband's hair." Friend: "But your husband is still alive." Woman: "I know, but his hair is gone."eal Art
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How to change file associations in Windows 7 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, April 25, 2010

History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree upon. --- Napoleon Bonaparte History is the version of past events that the winners have decided to agree upon. --- Dwight D Eisenhower
A woman was driving her old car on the highway with her 7 year old son, Little Johnny. She tried to keep up with traffic but they were flying by her. After getting caught in a large group of cars speeding down the road, she looked at her speedometer and saw that she was going 15 miles over the speed limit. Slowing down, she moved over to the side and got out of the clump that soon left her behind. She looked up and saw the flashing lights of a police car. Pulling over she waited for the officer to come up to her car. As he did he said, "Ma'am do you know why I pulled you over?" From the back seat, Little Johnny yelled, "I do! Because with that big clunky lemon of yours you couldn't catch the fast cars!"
After a long, dry sermon, the minister announced that he wished to meet with the church board following the close of the service. The first man to arrive and greet the minister was a total stranger. "You misunderstood my announcement. This is a meeting of the board members," explained the minister. "I know," said the man, "but if there is anyone here more bored than I am, then I'd like to meet him."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Christina Cifaldi, 22, of Cape Coral, Florida Police arrest woman for urinating on clothes at Walmart 8:35 P.M. UPDATE — Police have found and arrested a woman suspected of urinating on clothes at a Walmart store in Cape Coral. Christina Cifaldi, 22, of Cape Coral was charged with criminal mischief and property damage. Employees at the store on Del Prado Boulevard told officers that they saw her take $163 in clothes off the racks and go into a fitting room. The employees told police that the woman then urinated on the clothes and left the store. Police found Cifaldi because she left her wallet, with her driver’s license, in the changing room along with the urine-soaked clothes. She was released today from the Lee County Jail after paying $500 bail. Her next court appearance on the criminal mischief charge is May 11. There was no mention of any health or medical related emergency, urgency or accident.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Christine re: File Associatons in Windows 7 Dear Webby I too got raped by W7, against my wishes and choice. Until I can convert it to XP or Linux, I am reminded a hundred times a day of the salesman saying: "You will get used to everything being slower. You are not as fast any more as you once were." Well, he had one foot up on a box of paper and my knee was still a lot faster than his balls. Luckily his manager and some other employees saw it, sided with me, and he got fired. That doesn't help me cope with this alien crap. How does one change the file association? There is no "File Types" in Folder Options, and "Default Programs" in the Control Panel is a perverted way to waste time and does not work right either. What rigmarole do I have to go through now? Christine Dear Christine I hope you did not hurt your knee! Open the File Explore, and find a file of that type. Highlight it, right-click it and select Properties. Hit CHANGE beside "Opens With" and browse to the program you want to use. It might not be listed there, and you may have to browse to where it is located Doubleclick it to select it. Look for another file of that type to see if it is correctly associated with your chosen program. Depending on how your File Explore works, you may also see a sub menu bar with Organize - Open \/ - Print - Burn - NewFolder Hit that little down arrow beside Open and you will be able to select from SOME of the installed programs and also set the default program. You can also go to Control Panel All Control Panel Items Default Programs ASSociate A File Type That is roughly equivalent to TOOLS, Folder Options, File Types, just a lot less user friendly. Have FUN! DearWebby
A young woman was suffering badly from hay fever. She was going to a fancy dinner party that night and figured she would need at least two handkerchiefs to get her through the evening. She didn't have any pockets, so she stuffed them both in her bra. Halfway through the night, she had already used up one handkerchief and was rummaging around in her bra for the other one. She was having trouble finding it, and soon she noticed that everyone at the table was looking at her. "What on earth are you doing?" asked one of her colleagues. She replied, "I could have sworn I had two when I arrived".
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Magic Eraser for Clean Sneakers I can't stand having dirty sneakers. I used to use white shoe polish but it smells, takes a while to dry and can stain. I've found that using a Mr. Clean magic erase block (or similar store brand erase block) works wonderful at whitening even the oldest dingy sneakers. I tried using bleach on one shoe and the erase block on the other and I was surprised to find the shoe I used the erase block on looked much better. By Rachel G. from Port Orchard, WA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65 year old woman has a baby. All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family. When they ask to see the baby, the 65 year old mother says "not yet." A little later they ask again to see the baby. Again the mother says "not yet." Finally they say, "When can we see the baby?" And the mother says, "When the baby cries." They all ask, "Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?" The new mother says, "because I forgot where I put it."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital in his wheelchair, just before his operation. A nurse stopped him and asked, "What's the matter?" He said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple operation, don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right.'" "She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about that?" "She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the doctor!"

» Space Station Assembly
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Excel slow on Windows 7 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, April 24, 2010

" It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend. " --- William Blake Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined. --- Samuel Goldwyn Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you. --- Socratex
At a fancy reception a young man was asked by a widow to guess her age. "You must have some idea," she urged when he hesitated. "I have several ideas," he admitted with a smile, "the trouble is that I don't know whether to make it ten years younger because of your looks or ten years older because of your wisdom."
As we drove along a Los Angeles thoroughfare lined with spectacular advertising signs, nine- year-old Billy exclaimed: "Look at all the bullboards!"

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Brian Splain, 46,Brian Splain, 46, in Marathon, Florida Man Charged With Sand Theft The Monroe County Sheriff's Office said deputies responded to reports Sunday of a truck stuck in the sand at Coco Plum Beach in Marathon and three deputies arrived to find Brian Splain, 46, with his 1989 Ford F-150 loaded with sand from the beach, the Miami Herald reported Tuesday. The deputies said Splain, who failed field sobriety tests, told them he needed the sand for a job. Splain was arrested and booked into the Monroe County jail on charges of grand theft of the sand, criminal mischief and driving while impaired. ---------- Even though people are complaining about beaches widening, there are still laws against taking sand without a permit.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Brigitta re: Excel on Windows 7 Dear Webby Sheelagh sure was spot on by calling Windows 7 "Blonde Windows". It's an advertisement for Linux, and even Macs are starting to look like a usable alternative! I almost got fired because of it, well actually because of unplugging a brand new computer and throwing it at the guy who had plugged it in. I use M$ Office and on the old XP computer Excel spreadsheets pop up almost as fast as they do on Quattro on my even older computer at home. Normal spreadsheets full of numbers and graphs. The new computer came with a trial of the newest M$ Office good for 25 uses. To transfer the files, the new machine was put beside the old one and connected to the same network. The same spreadsheets are pathetically slow on the W7 machine, way too slow for getting the work done, that I am expected to do every day. The new machine has four times the CPU speed, twice the RAM, and a near empty, uncluttered hard drive without any fixit utilities slowing it down. I didn't quite apologize for throwing the computer, but I promised to ask you, if there was a way to make it usable for big spreadsheets. So I did. Brigitta Dear Brigitta You can download and install Open Office. It is free. That is one reason most businesses are switching to it. It's spreadsheets are a little bit faster than Excel. Quatto would be faster yet, and with more features, but don't use an XP 32 bit Quattro on a W7-64 bit machine. Windows 7 does not deal with it very well. You will have to use Quattro for W7 from Corel Office X5, but X5 costs about $100, unless you can find an OEM issue on eBay. In the long run, though, the best solution would be to put XP or Linux onto that machine. Those are made for work, not for looking cutesy. Have FUN! DearWebby
A married couple was celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary. At the party everybody wanted to know how they managed to stay married so long in this day and age. The husband responded "When we were first married we came to an agreement. I would make all the major decisions and my wife would make all the minor decisions. And in 60 years of marriage we have never needed to make a major decision."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Donate Usable Yard Sale Leftovers Most of us "thrifty people" have yard sales occasionally. We usually have in the contents of our sale, items that we no longer use or want. After a sale there are always items that didn't sell. Let's all remember the less fortunate and donate our leftover items. Most community churches will accept donations to help victims of fire, flood, etc. Speaking as a tornado victim, I know firsthand how the smallest things, such as toys for a child, or clothing for the elderly are appreciated. When a family loses everything, there will be not one item that goes to waste. By vguy from Earle, AR http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

74 year old Harold tripped on the stairs and broke his leg. The doctor put a cast on it and warned that he wasn't to use the stairs until the cast came off. A month later he removed the cast and pronounced him well on the way to recovery. "Oh good," he responded. "Is it all right for me to walk the stairs now?" "Yes," said the doctor, "if you will promise to be careful." "I can't tell you what a relief it will be," Harold sighed. "It was such a nuisance crawling outside and shinnying up and down that drainpipe all the time!"
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The little boy was caught swearing by his teacher. "Billy," she said, "you shouldn't use that kind of language. Where did you hear it?" "My daddy said it," he responded. "Well, that doesn't matter," she explained, "I don't want to hear that language in here again." After a moment, she whispered aloud, "At least he doesn't know what it means." "I do, too," Billy corrected. "It means the car won't start."

» Time Toons
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Background colors in Blonde Windows 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, April 23, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Never explain--your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway. --- Elbert Hubbard I daresay one profits more by the mistakes one makes off one's own bat than by doing the right thing on somebody's else advice. --- W. Somerset Maugham,
A redneck family from the hills was visiting the city and they were in a mall for the first time in their life. The father and son strolled around while the wife shopped. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but absolutely mezmerised by the two shiney, silver walls that moved apart, then slide back together again. The boy asked,"Pa, what's 'at?" The father, also never having seen an elevator responded,"Son, I dunno. I ain't never seen anything like that in all my life. I just ain't got no idea what it could be." While the boy and his father watched in amazement, an older fat lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pushed a button. The walls opened up, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers light up sequentially. They watched until it reached the last number, and a few seconds later the numbers lit up one by one in reverse sequence until the number 1 lit up, the walls opened up again, and this voluptuous 24 year old blonde stepped out and strolled away. The father, not being able to take his eyes of the woman leaned over and quietly said to his son,"Boy, go get your Momma!!!!!!
A minister, after listening to an impromptu campaign speech on main street, "Before I vote for you for sheriff, I'd like to know if you partake of intoxicating beverages?" Candidate for sheriff, "Before I answer, tell me if this is an inquiry or an invitation."
Thanks to Sandie for this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Amy Teresa Ricks, 37, in Salt Lake City, Utah Utah woman sentenced in 'surprise' hammer beating Apr 21, 9:28 PM (ET) SALT LAKE CITY (AP) - A Utah woman has been sentenced to 30 days at home with an ankle monitor for blindfolding her husband and promising him a surprise before hitting him in the head with a hammer three years ago. Amy Teresa Ricks also was sentenced to probation and community service Monday in 3rd District Court. The 37-year-old pleaded guilty to second-degree felony aggravated assault in February. Prosecutors have agreed to reduce the conviction to a third-degree felony after Ricks completes probation. They also agreed to let Ricks seek expungement of the crime after seven years. Ricks' husband suffered minor injuries in the May 2007 attack. At the time of her plea, Ricks' defense attorney said the two were still married but were separated.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sheelagh re: Windows 7 colors Dear Webby I am temporarily stuck with a machine that has Blonde Windows on it. Yuck! Aside from hitting everything three times because it seems as if the first two double-clicks didn't do anything, I find the few available color schemes as limited as a kindergartner's toy plastic jewelry. I did find the sneaky way to get to an XP style Appearance setting panel, and it does change the background color from freaking white to a more pleasant and productive color, in OTHER APPLICATIONS and programs, but not in Blonde internal stuff like Explorer, Control Panel, etc. Seems Blonde Windows is not compatible with itself. Good old programs like Eudora, that isn't even sold any more and outlived it's makers like the pyramids do, or Mailwasher, all change their backgrounds to what I set 7 levels deep in the Control Panel, but Blonde Windows itself refuses to budge from bright white. Do you know of a way to make the panel backgrounds less hard on the eyes? Thanks Sheelagh Dear Sheelagh Windows 7, or "Blonde Windows" as you call it, wasn't designed to be kind to it's victims. It is punishment for bitching about bugs in previous versions. As far as I know, there is no way to make the Windows 7 explorer windows act like they were Windows compliant. You will have to look for a third party file management utility. Have FUN! DearWebby
The trouble with hitting the jackpot on a slot machine is that it takes so long to put the money back into the slot..
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Pick Up Litter for Earth Day For Earth Day and any day, I would suggest picking up litter. Even if it is just in your yard, every little bit of litter picked up makes a difference. Picking up litter is great exercise that produces quick results. By Betty http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and therefore we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax - OH MY GOD!" Then silence. Then, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier, but while I was talking, the flight-attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger in Coach said, "That's nothing. He should see the back of mine!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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City Boy: Say, Dad, how many types of milk are there? Father: Well, there's evaporated milk, buttermilk, malted milk, and --but why do you ask? City Boy: Oh, I'm drawing a picture of a cow, and I want to know how many "spigots" to put on it.

» Photos by Debi Beauregard
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Resolution setting with new video card 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, April 22, 2010

Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that man can never learn anything from history. --- George Bernard Shaw A superstition is a premature explanation that overstays its time. --- George Iles Did you ever see the customers in health-food stores? They are pale skinny people who look half-dead. In a steak house you see robust, ruddy people. They're dying, of course, but they look terrific. --- Bill Cosby
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed a desire to become a "great" writer.When asked to define "great", he said: "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, wail, howl in pain, desperation and anger!" He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.
During a service at an old synagogue in Eastern Europe, when the Shema prayer was said, half the congregants stood up and half remained sitting. The half that was seated started yelling at those standing to sit down, and the ones standing yelled at the ones sitting to stand up. The rabbi, learned as he was in the Law and commentaries, didn't know what to do. His congregation suggested that he consult a housebound 98-year old man, who was one of the original founders of their temple. The rabbi hoped the elderly man would be able to tell him what the actual temple tradition was, so he went to the nursing home with a representative of each faction of the congregation. The one whose followers stood during Shema said to the old man, "Is the tradition to stand during this prayer?" The old man answered, "No, that is not the tradition." The one whose followers sat down, asked, "Is the tradition to sit during Shema?" The old man answered, "No, that is not the tradition." Then the rabbi said to the old man, "The congregants fight all the time, yelling at each other about whether they should sit or stand!" The old man interrupted, exclaiming, "THAT is our tradition!"
The aged patient doddered into the doctor's office with a serious complaint. "Doc, you've got to do something to lower my sex drive." "Come on now SquirrelBait," the doctor said, "your sex drives all in your head." "That's what I mean, I need it a bit lower down."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Katrina Purll, 29 in Perth, Scotland Woman who lost purse with cocaine arrested PERTH, Scotland, April 21 (UPI) -- Scottish police said a woman who visited the station to collect her lost purse was arrested immediately for possession of the cocaine found inside the bag. Authorities in Perth said Katrina Purll, 29, pleaded guilty Tuesday to possession of $23 worth of cocaine and was ordered to pay a $460 fine, The Daily Record, Glasgow, reported Wednesday. Police said Purll left the bag at a pub in November and was immediately arrested when she arrived at a police office to collect the purse. "It seems not to have crossed her mind that the first thing we do with a bag which is handed in is have a good look through it," a police source told the Record. "There was a small bag of cocaine and no one expected the owner to ask for it back."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Frank re: Video Setting Dear Webby I had a video card replaced yesterday and my screens don't look exactly like they did previously. What is the normal screen resolution setting? Keep in mind I'm a senior and the eyes aren't what they were 30 years ago. Thanks again for the response to these basic questions. Frank Dear Frank I run my monitors at 1600 x 1200. The more pixels you got, the finer and sharper everything is. You can always crank the font size percentage in the Advanced part to whatever is comfortable. Have FUN! DearWebby Dear Webby, Much better, my only choices were 1600 x 1024 or 1680 x 1050. I chose the first one, then increased the font size. As always, thank you for you timely assistance Frank
The minister had just finished an excellent chicken dinner at the home of a member of his congregation when he saw a rooster come strutting through the yard. "That's certainly a proud-looking rooster you have there," the minister commented. "Yes, sir," replied the farmer. "He has reason to be proud -- one of his daughters has just entered the ministry!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Mark Spool Thread Slot With Red Nail Polish As I become a WOW (wise older woman), I find it easier to see if I mark the slot on a spool of thread (the little slot that holds the thread to keep it from unwinding) with a dot of red nail polish. By Cookie from Warrenton, VA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

At a local coffee shop, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends. "The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. And stay home at night!" A little old lady at the next table overheard and spoke up, "Girl, what you described is a television set!"
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A college senior takes his his new girlfriend to a football game. The young couple found seats in the crowded stadium and were watching the action. A substitute was put into the game, and as he was running onto the field to take his position, the boy said to his girfriend, "Take a good look at that fellow. I expect him to be our best man next year." His girfriend snuggled closer and said to the surprised young man, "That's the strangest way I ever heard of for a fellow to propose to a girl. But regardless of how you said it, I accept!"

» Priceless
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Changing the Windows Start-Up sound 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Its amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit. --- Harry S. Truman "In the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make." ---Paul McCartney
My next-door neighbor and I frequently borrow things from each other. Not long ago, when I requested his ladder, he told me he had lent it to his son. Recalling a saying my grandmother used to repeat, I recited, "You should never lend anything to your kids, because you will never get it back." With that, he responded, "Well, it's not even my ladder. It's my dad's."
An avid golfer was late coming home from his weekly game. As he dragged himself wearily through the door, his worried wife met him. "Honey," she said, "How was your game? Why are you so late?" "Well," he replied, "this had to be the worst, hardest game of my life. Jack died out there on the golf course. Just had a heart attack at the second hole and then died." "Oh, no!" she cried. "How awful for you! He was your best friend! No wonder you are late....." "Yes, the ordeal really wore me out.," he said, "the whole rest of the game it was hit the ball, drag Jack, hit the ball, drag Jack......"

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ezequiel Cardoso, 29, of Dorchester, Mass Drunk Securitas employee arrested after wild chase Chugging Hennessy cognac, wearing sunglasses after dark and driving his company car, a security official trying to outrun police rattled a memorial service, crashed into a cruiser and had to be pepper-sprayed into submission, authorities alleged. Ezequiel Cardoso, 29, of Dorchester, who police say worked for the Boston branch of Securitas - an international security services firm - “had bloodshot eyes,” reeked of booze and refused a Breathalyzer test. Officers said Cardoso was drinking from the bottle of the 40 percent alcohol even as they busted a window of Securitas’ marked vehicle to get at him, according to a police report. Police caught up to Cardoso at another traffic light, wearing s unglasses and a stocking cap, but said he refused to acknowledge them and sped off. Officers in pursuit followed Cardoso into Everett, where they said he was “changing lanes in an unsafe manner” and “passed recklessly” by a memorial gathering before crashing into a state police cruiser. The trooper reported seeing Cardoso continue to drink as he used his baton to break the driver’s window. At that point, police said Cardoso “opened his mouth in such a manner that it appeared that he was going to bite the officers.” Cardoso is facing a long list of charges, including assault and battery with a dangerous weapon and drunken driving. His manager at Securitas did not return calls. He was arraigned in Chelsea District Court, where he pleaded not guilty.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Anita re: Change Windows start-up sound Dear Webby Is there a way to get rid off or changing the Windows start-up noise? Even the sounds my hubby makes, when he impersonates a coffee maker, would be more welcome in the morning that that pompous "Tadaa!" Thanks Anita 1. Go to the Control Panel. 2. Click the Sounds and Audio Devices icon, 3. Click the Sounds tab. 4. Under "Program Events", select Start Windows. You can select a sound from the drop-down menu or click Browse to select a .wav file. If you don't want Windows to play any sound during startup, select (None) from the drop-down menu. You can also browse to your collection of wav files and select one from there. There is no limit, you can pick even long songs. Keep in mind that no matter what you select, sooner or later you will get tired of it. You might get a laugh the first few times you hear "When Daddy Cut the Big one at the Horn Lake Mississippi Missionary Baptist Church", but after a few days that will get annoying. The best way to deal with that is to make a new folder, and every time you come across a suitable wav file, put a copy of it in there. (CTRL Drag copies). Rename the first one 1.wav. Select that 1.wav for the start up sound. When you get tired of that one, rename it to 2.wav and rename another one to 1.wav. Windows will play whatever is called 1.wav after you select that once. You can just quickly change the 1.wav and don't have to go through the Sound selection rigmarole. Personally, I have used BUBBLE2.WAV for years. It is a tiny 2 KB wav that sounds like one single drop of water falling into a puddle, and about as quiet too. Have FUN! DearWebby
The gigantic computer took up a whole wall, dwarfing the programmer and the mathematician standing before it. After much flashing and humming a sliver of paper emerged from the vitals of the machine. The mathematician, after studying it gravely, turned to the programmer and said with awe, "Do you realize that it would take four hundred ordinary mathematicians a hundred years of calculations..... ....to make a mistake this big?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Garnish Wine With Frozen Grapes Freeze grapes before they go bad. They make a wonderful garnish in wine and keep it cool! Place red grapes in white wine, and white grapes in red wine! You'll be the hit of the party. Enjoy By Darnie from Langley, BC Canada http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Little Johnny, burst into the house, crying his eyes out. His Mama asked him what the problem was. "Pop and I were fishing, and he hooked a giant fish. Really big. Then, when he was reeling it in, the line busted, ....and the fish got away." "Now come on, Johnny," his mother said, "a big boy like you shouldn't be crying about an accident like that. You should have laughed." "That's what I did, Mama."
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A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much because they never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office." The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week." The next week the lady goes back to his office. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what you gave me, but now my farts, although still silent, stink terribly!" The doctor says, "Good, Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."

» Volcano
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Can't read PDF files with Adobe 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic. --- Dan Rather It's useless trying to hold a person to anything s/he says while s/he's in love, drunk or running for office. --- Socratex
Murphy's Technology Law #347: Technology is regulated by those who manage what they do not understand.
A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a National Organization for Women gathering, and his hostess naturally broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me, Doctor," she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?" "Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the right track." "What sort of question?" "Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?' The woman thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example, would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: Rotterdam
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Paul Hutton, 40 in Essex, England Man loses licence after drunk-driving in toy Barbie car A man who was caught drink-driving in a toy car with a top speed of 4mph has been banned from driving. Paul Hutton, 40, was pulled over by police as he drove an electric Barbie car, which moves slower than a mobility scooter, near his home in Essex. Mr Hutton, who has four children, admitted being a 'complete twit'. Speaking after the hearing at Colchester magistrates court, he said: "You have to be a contortionist to get in, and then you can't get out. "I was very surprised to get done for drink-driving but I was a twit to say the least. "It is designed for three-to-five-year-olds. "Originally it was a pink Barbie car but I put bigger wheels on it but it's not fast. Mr Hutton, who is divorced, is a former RAF aeronautical engineer who now studies electrical engineering at Colchester Institute. He explained: "I'm in the third year of my electrical engineering course and it was a little project I was doing with my son who is doing a car mechanics course. "When it was done I couldn't resist the temptation to take it out." He was given a mandatory three-year ban because he had received another drink-drive ban within the past ten years. Magistrates also gave him a 12-month conditional discharge and ordered him to pay £85 court costs.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Guinn re: Can't read PDF HI, Webby. I am having trouble downloading a pdf file (a manual for a GPS) from the disk that came with the unit. I have tried to install Adobe Reader 9 three times but when I check for it, all I can find is Adobe Flash Player 10. Do you have any ideas about this? Is it related to the fact I use Firefox and Open Office? Any help would be appreciated, Guinn Dear Guinn That has nothing to do with FireFox or Open Office. Adobe Flash reader and Adobe Acrobat PDF reader are not the same. Go to my tool box and scoot way down to just below the SP3 blocker. There you find the Foxit PDF reader and the Adobe PDF reader. Normally both of those set the registry to associate PDF fils with the. It IS possible, though, that you have the reistry locked against any changes. In that case, you have to first temporarily unlock it before installing any PDF reader. To check that, open a file explorer, click on Tools, Folder Options, File Types. Go down to PDF files and associate them with any PDF reader that you got on the machine. If you indeed have Adobe PDF Reader 9 installed, -not the Adobe Flash reader-, then you should be able to associate that with PDF files. Have FUN! DearWebby
Hi Webby About 5 years ago you had a joke about a bridge to Hawaii. Can you dig it out and run it again ? Thanks Archie B. Sure, Archie, no problem. here it is: A man was walking along the beach and found a bottle. He looked around and didn't see anyone so he opened it. A genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out. The genie said, "For your kindness I will grant you a wish, but only one - none of that three wishes jazz, OK?" The man thought for a minute and said, "Well, I have always wanted to go to Hawaii but have never been able to because I'm afraid of flying, and ships make me claustrophobic and ill. So, I wish for a road to be built from here to Hawaii." The genie was taken aback a bit, but after some thought said, "No, I don't think I can do that; think about the pilings needed to hold up the highway and how deep they would have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. Think of all the pavement and steel and concrete that would be needed. I'm sorry, you will have to choose another wish." The man thought for a minute and then told the genie, "There is one other thing that I have always wanted. I would like to be able to understand women. What makes them laugh and cry, why do they get upset at us so easily, what are their true desires and needs? What do they mean when they say 'Oh, Nothing'. Basically... what makes them tick?!?" The genie stared at him and blinked a couple times, then finally sayd: "So, on that silly bridge, do you want two lanes or four?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning Up Pet Hair Summer is almost here and so is cat shedding time. This is a tip to keep the animal hair cleaned up. Take a piece of terry cloth (I use old towels cut up) wet a good size piece, and wring it out. Wrap it around four fingers and rub it in a circular motion. Lift up after about four motions, and you will be amazed at the cat hair you have picked up. Take the hair off the rag, and do it again and again. This works on couches, cloth chair seats, bedspreads, and in the car, anywhere! By letageraldine from Tucson, AZ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He got fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed him to hear 100%. He went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again." To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times already!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked
Granny was visiting town for the first time. She checks in at the hotel, and the bellboy takes her bags. She follows the boy, and as the door closes, she looks around and shakes her fist at him. "Young man, I may be old, and straight from the hills, but that don't mean I'm stupid! I paid good money, and this room won't do at all! It's too small, and without a proper window! Why there's not even a bed!" The bellhop looks at her and says, "Ma'am, this isn't your room, it's the elevator."

» Fantabulous Fotos
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Phonetic Alphabet: Alpha, Bravo,... 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, April 19, 2010

Sometimes when you cry, no one sees the tears.... Sometimes when you are happy, no one bothers to see the smile.... BUT FART ONCE AND EVERYONE NOTICES! --- Socratex
In Africa some of the native tribes have a custom of beating the ground with clubs and uttering spine chilling cries. Anthropologists call this a form of primitive self-expression..... In America we call it golf.
Five-year-old Becky answered the door when the census taker came by. She told the census taker that her daddy was a doctor and wasn't home because he was performing an appendectomy. "My," said the census taker, "that sure is a big word for such a little girl. Do you know what it means?" "Sure do! Fifteen-hundred bucks, and that doesn't even include the anesthesiologist!"
Thanks to Janina for this great picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Andrew J. Garcia, 30 in San Ysidro, NM Burning off residue on his bong led to arson charge Las Cruces, NM (The Weekly Vice) - Andrew J. Garcia, a 30-year-old San Ysidro man, was jailed after he allegedly used a bong to set his mobile home on fire. According to Dona Ana County police, authorities were contacted after an off-duty sheriff witnessed Garcia driving away from his burning home. A police chase through the community ensued, which the officer abandoned for safety reasons. Garcia was apprehended later at his residence. Investigators say Garcia was cleaning his bong with alcohol when he ignited the alcohol on purpose, setting fire to his curtains and causing an estimated $20,000 damage. His wife and children were not home at the time of the incident and no injuries were reported. Garcia admitted to authorities that he was suffering from a drug addiction and he was distraught. Garcia underwent a psychiatric evaluation at a local hospital and was then booked into Dona Ana County Detention center on charges of arson and fleeing a law-enforcement officer. He is being held on $30,000 bond. ------- Most likely the speedy escape was to bring his stash, worth more than the old trailer, to a safe place.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Brenda re: Voice alphabet Dear Webby When I have to spell my name on the phone I often grasp for suitable words to clarify each letter. I am not quite as bad as that Caseway joke you had a few years ago, please bring it again! However, sometimes people make me feel like I am just as bad at clarifying the letters in my long last name. Isn't there a standard list of words for doing that? Thanks Brenda Dear Brenda Indeed there is: The International Morse Alphabet menonic. This not the original code developed for Morse, but the German Gerke version, which became the International Morse code about 150 years ago. Certain vowels represent dots, others represent dashes. That helped people memorize the morse code. Even though the Morse Code has become obsolete, the Morse Alphabet is still in popular use for clarifying the spelling in voice communication. I used to print it on the back of business cards. Here is the picture for that. At 96 dots per inch it will be exactly the size of a business card. Business Card Size Have FUN! DearWebby
Here is the Caseway joke. You have to read it out loud. "Information? I need the number for Caseway Transport." "Would you spell that, please?" "Certainly. C as in sea. A as in aye. S as in sea. E as in eye. W as in why. A as in are. Y as in you." "Just a minute, sir. I'll connect you with my supervisor."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make a Fence Look Nice on Both Sides When you put up a wooden fence, you usually nail the pickets to one side, then the other side of the fence doesn't look all that great. But if you keep alternating the pickets, nailing the first to your neighbor's side and the next to your side, you will end up with a fence that looks something like basket weave and will look good on both sides. By Amuck http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The patient was lying in bed, still groggy from the effects of the recent operation. His doctor came in, looking very glum. "I can't be sure what's wrong with you," the doctor said. "I think it's the drinking." "No problem," the patient said patiently. "I'm sure by tomorrow some doctor will sober up. I'm still a bit tired from that operation anyway."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun had made a note, "Take only one, God is watching," Moving through the line, to the other end of the table, was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. One of the boys had written a note, "Take all you want, God is watching the apples."

» Animal Shapes
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Unsolicited Windows updates 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, April 18, 2010

Men stumble over the truth from time to time, but most pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing happened. --- Winston Churchill I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. --- Mark Twain
A sad-faced Todd walked into a flower shop early one morning. The clerk was ready to take his order for a funeral piece, based on the look on Todd's face, but soon realized his assumption was wrong as Todd asked for a basket of flowers sent to his wife for their anniversary. "And what day will that be?" the clerk asked. Glumly he replied, "Yesterday."
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write - and they won't let me talk!"
Thanks to Janina for this great picture:
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Glenn Watson, 58 of Bango, Maine Falling pants lead to man's arrest on drug charges BANGOR, Maine — A 58-year-old Hampden man who led police on a car chase, then a brief foot chase Wednesday night is back behind bars one week after completing a 15-month jail sentence for cocaine trafficking. The suspect’s attempted flight to freedom ended abruptly when his pants fell down around his ankles, causing him to fall to the ground, police said Thursday. Glenn Watson, who was released from jail on April 7, became the subject of a joint investigation by Bangor police and the Maine Drug Enforcement Agency after city police received a tip Wednesday evening that Watson was selling cocaine from a Bangor motel room. City police officers assigned to MDEA were called in to co-ordinate. MDEA agents put Watson’s motel room under surveillance and when Watson left, agents asked Bangor police to stop the car. According to a joint news release by Bangor police Sgt. Paul Edwards and MDEA Division Commander Darrell Crandall, Bangor police Officer Jamie Fanning was near Interstate 95 and Union Street when she spotted Watson’s vehicle. Though she activated her blue lights as the vehicle turned from Union Street onto Sixteenth Street, Watson did not pull over. Fanning reported that when she activated her police siren, Watson continued on, running a red light, then speeding down Ohio Street at speeds clocked at 55 to 60 mph. From Ohio Street, the pursuit turned onto Boynton Street, then around the block back to Ohio Street, where it continued through a red light at Hammond and Ohio, according to Fanning. Watson then turned onto High Street, again at speeds of 55 to 60 mph, police said. The car chase ended when Watson failed to negotiate a sharp turn on High Street and crashed his vehicle into a parked car, Fanning wrote. No one was injured. Watson then got out of his vehicle. According to Fanning, the suspect appeared to be holding up his pants, which she said appeared to be undone. Watson then took off, running toward an apartment complex. Fanning and fellow Bangor police Officer Michael Brennan chased Watson on foot down a set of stairs. The chase ended when Watson’s pants “fell completely down around his ankles, causing him to fall down the steps and onto the ground,” the release said. Police seized more than 2 ounces of cocaine — valued at nearly $7,000 — from Watson, who has been charged with aggravated trafficking in cocaine, driving to endanger, eluding a police officer and three stop sign and red light v iolations. Watson, who has a lengthy criminal record in Maine going back to 1988, remained at Penobscot County Jail on Thursday night, unable to make bail set at $7,500 cash, according to a jail official.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Cathy re: Update hassles Hi there I am Cathy fro Coquitlam and I am bothering you again. Can you please tell me why I cannot vote for you? It seems I have now got windows 8 and boy I cannot do anything like I used to. Is there any way to get rid of this?? Sometimes at night the computer says updating -do not turn of computer as it will go off by itself. Sorry to bother you but any help you can give me would be appreciated. Thank You Cathy Dear Cathy To stop getting backstabbed by unwanted updates, go into the control panel, System, Automatic Updates, and set that to "Notify me, but don't automatically download or install them" As for the browser, just upgrade to FireFox. Sooner or later you will anyway, and be glad you did. Then you can vote again and everything will work normally again. Have FUN! DearWebby
A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon. "How do you know what to say?" he asked. "God tells me." "Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Baking Soda for Coffee and Tea Cups I keep a saucer with baking soda in it by my kitchen sink. That way, when I have a cup which is stained, I can get rid of those stains right away with no fuss or bother. I wet my fingers, dip my fingers in the baking soda, and then rub them on the inside of the cup where the stains are. In a flash the stains are gone! Source: I learned this habit from my mother and so I have the added bonus of remembering her every time I use the baking soda. By Bellevillelady from Belleville, Ontario, Canada http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even if you wish they were.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked
A preacher was winding up his temperance sermon with great fervor, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." And the congregation cried, "Amen!" "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it in the river." And the congregation cried, "Amen!" "And if I had all the whiskey and demon rum in the world, I'd take it all and throw it in the river." And the congregation cried, "Hallelujah!" The preacher sat down. The song leader stood up very tentatively and announced, "For our closing song, let us sing hymn #365, 'Shall we gather at the river."

» US Speed Traps
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How to become VISTA administrator 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, April 17, 2010

The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn. --- David Russell People are like stained glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within. ---Elizabeth Kubler Ross As you journey through life take a minute every now and then to give a thought for the other fellow. He could be plotting something. --- Hagar the Horrible Busy is a state of mind and a matter of priorities. --- DearWebby
The Nurse was taking Joe's blood pressure. She caused him some concern by rechecking it twice, then saying, "Hmmmm. That's odd -- it's normal." He replied that he had taken his high blood pressure medicine less than an hour ago. She said, "Thank goodness. I thought I was losing it. Normally when I take the men's BP readings they're always on the high side."
The showers in my daughter's dorm turned scalding hot whenever a toilet was flushed. To warn others, residents would yell out, "Flushing!" each time they flushed the toilets. During one of my daughter's visits home, a friend stopped by to chat for a while. I was explaining how my daughter was acting more distant now that she was in college, and that she didn't tell me all about her life the way she used to. Suddenly we heard my daughter call out from the bathroom, "Flushing!" "Good grief," said my friend, "How much more do you want to know?"
Thanks to Janina for this great picture: Dear Webby, You kindly share your wonderful flower and nature photos with us - now it's MY turn to share a close-up of our cherry blossoms in full bloom now, here in New Jersey. Enjoy! Janina
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Daniel Hammond, 21 in Sevenoaks, England Serial hoaxer claimed he was raped by whale A BRAZEN prankster claimed he was raped by a whale and gave his name as Ben Dover during one of many hoax calls to the emergency services. Daniel Hammond made nuisance calls for eight months, telling busy emergency operators he lived in Doctor Who's TARDIS. On one occasion, he reported that his manhood fell off because he smoked too much weed and was struggling to have sex. Another time, the lanky 21-year-old impersonated Saddam Hussein and claimed he hid a bomb on a train, a court in Sevenoaks, England, was told. Prosecutor James Nichols said Hammond enjoyed the thrill of wasting the emergency services' time with his bizarre and persistent tales. The court was told that Hammond was caught when he called to report threats he claimed he was receiving, and police recognised his mobile phone number. When Hammond was finally arrested, he said he "couldn't remember" all of the disturbing details of the calls but admitted the offenses. Defence lawyer Laura Hollingham said her client's behaviour was a result of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. The court was also told that Hammond suffered from depression and that his family was struggling to cope with his "many problems".
From the Tech Support Pits: From: BETTY re: VISTA administrator logon required DOES THE 'HOW TO BECOME WINDOWS ADMIN. QUESTION ALSO APPLY TO WINDOWS VISTA?? Dear Betty I don't allow VISTA onto Webby computers, so I don't really know. However, there is info about making yourself the Vista administrator at this site: http://snipurl.com/vistaadmin Have FUN! DearWebby
Overheard downtown: "My wife and I have structured conversations: firstly, she gives me her opinion, then she gives me my opinion."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Coffee Filters for Small Servings of Food A great use for coffee filters are single serving plates for chips (or anything that is not moist or leaky) for kids. This is especially handy in a group or class, and combines easy clean-up with much less waste than a regular plastic or paper plate. By Mrs. Putty from Barrie, Ont. http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Have you ever worked in an office where someone insisted upon listening to their voice mail using the speakerphone (at full volume, naturally). It can really begin to bother you after a while. I found a fairly easy fix for that, though. I ask a lady friend, whom she has never heard, call her desk when she's not there, and leave a message like "Hi, this is Candy from 1-900-HOT-BABE. You haven't paid for the 'toys' we sent you, you naughty girl! You wouldn't want me to come over there and spank you, would you ?" That is probably the last time you ever hear that particular speakerphone.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked
Linda's son was in the process of being potty trained. One summer day, he came in from outside, all wet. Linda asked, "Did you have an accident?". Yes, he replied. Well, what did you do, water the trees, the bushes,...?" "Oh, no," he replied. "I went in the garage." Shocked, Linda responded, "Well, you shouldn't do that. It will start to stink, draw flies; now I'll have to go out and hose down the garage." Her son replied cheerfully: " But Mom, it's OK, I didn't go in our garage, I went in Jill's garage!!"

» SmugMug Slideshow
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How to become Windows Administrator? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, April 16, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

'Tis an ill wind that blows no minds. --- Malaclypse the Younger You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing the means he uses to frighten you. --- Eric Hoffer Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night." --- Charles M. Schulz, Charlie Brown in "Peanuts" Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. --- Sir Winston Churchill
An old lady had always wanted to travel abroad. Now that she was getting on in years, she thought she would really like to do so before she died. But until now, she'd never even been out of the country. So she began by going in person to the Passport Office and asking how long it would take to have one issued. "You must take the loyalty oath first," responded the passport clerk. "Raise your right hand, please." The old gal raised her right hand. "Do you swear to defend the Constitution of the United States against all its enemies, domestic or foreign?" was the first question. The little old lady's face paled and her voice trembled as she asked in a small voice: "Uhhh... all by myself? Well, I suppose somebody is going to have to start doing that."
A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the husband replied, "In-laws."
Ice fishing on the Bow River
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to British supermarket giant Marks & Spencer Marks & Spencer threatens granny for eating cookie AN 86-year-old grandmother was threatened with being thrown out of a British supermarket cafe after she started nibbling a cookie she bought in the same store. A female shop assistant told "humiliated" Thelma Williams that she could be escorted out and fined for dunking her chocolate chip cookie into a cup of tea at a branch of British supermarket giant Marks & Spencer (M&S). Williams bought a scone and cookie from the food section, and then her daughter bought her a sandwich and a cup of tea in the cafe. An assistant told her she could not eat it because of the consumer tax difference between cafe and shop-bought food. "The staff made me feel as though I was a common criminal - yet I was just eating one of their biscuits," Ms Williams said. "This woman over-reacted. All the customers were looking at me. It was so embarrassing and very distressing." "Our policy is that cafe customers must only consume items bought in the cafe area." an M&S spokesman said. ---------- Britain and many other countries have a VAT (Value Added Tax). In Britain it is 17.5%, or possibly higher by now. in Canada it is called GST and is 5%. Bulk food items are generally excempt, but individual servings are taxed. If you buy ONE bun, you pay tax. If you buy a dozen, they are tax free. That aplies at the point of buying. After checking out of one section of the store, those cookies were her property, as if she had baked them at home. While restaurants generally object to you bringing your own food, making a fuss about the tax difference on one cookie is rather sleazy and definitely deserves a bonehead award.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carol re: Windows administrator logon required Hi Webby, Here I am again!!!!! I went to order underware from a store on line, my McAfee would not let me see the pictures so I could decide which style I wanted. When I went into the McAfee program to see if I could "fix" the problem (BTW, I only get big red MCAFEE words where the picture should be), I noticed that the parental control is on. We're retired, have no grandchildren and do not want our computer restricted... I really want to be able to see what I'm buying. When I tried to change the parental control it told me I could not because I'm not logged on as administrator. We do not use a password when we boot up the computer, we just start it up and click "OK" when necessary. Is there anything I can do to fix this problem of not seeing a bra that I want to purchase? Thanks, Carol Dear Carol To see how to log on as administrator, go to http://snipurl.com/log-on-as-admin The info you need is at the bottom of that page. It's actually quite easy, when you know the trick. Have FUN! DearWebby
When Jerry's daughter, Dani, was about 5 years old, she was thoroughly impressing her grandparents with her knowledge of insects while they were out for a walk. She readily identified ants, grasshoppers, crickets, ladybugs and such. When they happened upon a small beetle she did not immediately recognize, she looked at it thoughtfully, raised her foot and stomped it into oblivion on the sidewalk. 'That one', she said, 'is a Squashed Bug.'
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Crab Apples for Pest Repellent There are no chemicals involved so I guess it's a green tip. If you have a problem with roaches, ants, mice, or other pests inside the house, gather some crab apples and place them around your basement, crawl space, and foundation of your house. My in-laws have done this for years and haven't seeneven a trace of a pest or rodent. By Tammy from Cookeville, TN http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A couple just started their Lamaze class and they were given an activity requiring the husband to wear a bag of sand - to give him an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant. The husband stood up and shrugged saying, "This doesn't feel so bad." The instructor then dropped a pen and asked the husband to pick it up. "You want me to pick up the pen as if I were pregnant, the way my wife would do it?" the husband asked. "Exactly," replied the instructor. To the delight of the other husbands, he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, pick up that pen for me."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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A customer in a bakery was observed carefully examining all the rich-looking pastries displayed on trays in the glass cases. When a clerk approached him and asked, "What would you like?" he answered, "I'd like that chocolate-covered, cream-filled doughnut, that jelly-filled doughnut and that cheese Danish." Then with a sigh he added, "But I'll take an oat-bran muffin."

» Grains
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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