When should I switch from ink to Laser printes ? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, November 17

Just like they did after Hurricane Katrina, Russia sent their
big huge jets loaded with blankets, foodstuffs, medicine and 
relief goods to New York and New Jersey. They said they 
could have sent the goods earlier, but until now there was 
no organization ready to receive and distribute the goods.

That is something to keep in mind! 
When the world wants to help, there needs to be some 
fast and furious organizing to receive and distribute goods.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"Don't interfere with anything in the Constitution. That must be maintained, for it is the only safeguard of our liberties." --- Abraham Lincoln In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker. --- Woody Allen "If we listened to our intellect, we'd never have a love affair. We'd never have a friendship. We'd never go into business, because we'd be cynical. Well, that's nonsense. You've got to jump off cliffs all the time and build your wings on the way down." --- Ray Bradbury We can't all be heroes because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by. --- Will Rogers
On a high school science quiz, there was the question, "When water becomes ice which of its physical properties increases?" Everyone answered, "Its volume.." Except one wise guy who wrote, "When water becomes ice, its price increases."
A man approached his family physician and said, "Doc, I'm afraid you'll have to remove my wife's tonsils one of these days." The doctor pulled out the family's medical file and exclaimed, "Why, I removed them six years ago! Did you ever hear of a woman having two sets of tonsils?" "No," the husband retorted, "but you've heard of widowers marrying again, haven't you?"
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Click on the picture for the large version Aaaahhhh!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Tammi Estep, 36, in Horry County, South Carolina Jailed After Photographing Toddlers And A Baby With Joints In Their Mouths Reported by the Weekly Vice Beth Ann Hensley, a 51-year-old Leslie County woman, and her daughter, Tracy Hensley, were jailed after they photographed several children smoking marijuana and attempted to develop the photographs at a local store. According to the Leslie County Sheriff's Office, an investigation was launched when employees at a photo mart discovered multiple UNPAID photographs of children with joints in their mouths and called police. Investigators say Beth Hensley brought film to a local store to be developed, but later returned to the store and cancelled her order, even though the photographs had already been developed, Hensley left the store without the photographs. The woman's behavior annoyed the employees and made them suspicious, so they looked at the photographs in question and found several images of children with marijuana cigarettes and pipes in their mouths. Some photographs showed adults lighting the marijuana cigarettes while other photographs showed the children handling marijuana. One of the children photographed with marijuana was just one year old. The other children photographed were between the ages of 3 and 5 years old. Beth Hensley, the woman who dropped the photographs off at the store for processing, has been identified as the childrens' grandmother. After officers viewed the photographs, they drove to Hensley's residence with child welfare workers in tow. When officers entered the home, they found 24 marijuana plants and an undisclosed amount of processed marijuana. Officers then went to the residence of Tracy Hensley, who is listed in the arrest affidavit as the childrens' mother. Officers found 5 children living in the residence, many of which were matched to the incriminating photographs. Beth Hensley claimed that the "marijuana cigarettes" in the pictures actually contained tobacco. She also told a local station that she took the pictures because she wanted her grandchildren to see how "crazy their grandmother was" when they got older. Tracy Hensley was booked into jail and charged with unlawful transaction with a minor and child endangerment. Beth Hensley was booked into jail and charged with cultivation and trafficking marijuana.
Tech Support Pits From: Jody Re: Ink versus Laser printer Dear Webby, At what point should one change from ink to laser printer? Jody Dear Jody Actually, ink is in the middle, not at one end. If you print just a few pages once in a while, often a month or more apart, then you need a laser printer. It does not dry out or clog up or get unpredictable from infrequent use. A laser printer does not care if you stretch a toner cartridge out to last ten or twenty years. Then in the middle is the small but regular use, maybe three or four pages per week, every week. A cheap inkjet printer can usually handle that quite nicely. Keep in mind that with the really cheap printers they really try to get you with the ink. Some of those ultra-cheap inkjet printers are almost free, but the ink cartridges are ridiculously expensive. Don't worry about that, just get the ink from Atlantic. However, even though their ink is very affordable, don't get seven year's worth! Even their high quality cartridges don't last unless they are used. Just get one to use and one as a spare. On the other end are the lasers. Be careful with HP printers! They put "Laser"into the names of some of their ink squirters. Check whether they use ink or toner. Real laser printers use toner, a dry, waxy powder, that will probably last forever. Good laser printers wake up from sleep, when not in use for a long time, and you hear them doing a self check, counting all their marbles and checking every component, and also stirring each toner cartridge to make sure the dry powder does not cake or solidify at the bottom of a cartridge. Then it goes to sleep again. A laser printer naturally costs more than an ink squirter does, however, you can get excellent black-only laser printers for well under $100, with fantastic cost per page economy. Yes, with lasers the cost per page is about one thenth of what it would cost you to print the same with ink. And they never clog up. They just run out of paper. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Little Bobby was spending the weekend with his grandmother after a particularly trying week in kindergarten. His grandmother decided to take him to the park on Saturday morning. It had been snowing all night and everything was beautiful. His grandmother remarked..."doesn't it look like an artist painted this scenery? Did you know God painted this just for you?" Bobby said, "Yes, God did it and he did it left handed." This confused his grandmother a bit, and she asked him "What makes you say God did this with his left hand?" "Well," said Bobby, "we learned at Sunday School last week that Jesus sits on God's right hand!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Plastic Hooks to Hang Plastic Grocery Bags in Trash Bin I like to recycle plastic grocery bags in my kitchen garbage container. I bought a package of self-adhesive plastic cup hooks at the dollar store and put two on the inside of the trash can on the right and two more on the left. The handles of the plastic bags hang on the hooks, holding them up and open. When the bag is full, pull it off the hooks and tie it shut with the two handles. I have not bought garbage bags in 25 years. By Libadmin Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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It was dead winter and colder than hell, when Billy Bob noticed his outdoor toilet was full. Now that was a problem he didn't know how to handle, so Billy searched out Clem for advice. Clem told Billy that the thought they could use dynamite to clean out the hole. He just happened to have a few sticks left from a job he done the past summer. The next day Clem went over to Billy's house and they both looked down the hole. Clem said, "Yep, its full. I think this one will take two sticks!" So he and Billy got busy, put the dynamite in the hole and put a long fuse to it. They were standing behind the wood pile nearby when Billy's wife Sally came running out of the house and headed straight for the toilet. Billy and Clem both yelled and hollered for Sally to stop, but she kept going and said, "I don't have time to stop and talk, I gotta take care of business." WELL lo and behold, Sally no more than got seated and the whole toilet blew up. Boards and shit flew all over. Sally picked herself off the ground, looked at Billy and Clem and said, "WHEW, I am sure glad that I didn't let that one go in the house!" --------------------- Believe it or not, but that method is actually quite popular in the arctic. However, there outhouses are built on skids, and for blowing over the frozen pyramid down below, the outhouse is hitched up to the sled dogs and towed 20 feet upwind.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
There once was a king who offered a prize to the artist who would paint the best picture of peace. Many artists tried. The King looked at all the pictures, but there were only two he really liked and he had to choose between them. One picture was of a calm lake. The lake was a perfect mirror for peaceful towering mountains were all around it. Overhead was a blue sky with fluffy white clouds. All who saw this picture thought that it was a perfect picture of peace. The other picture had mountains too. But these were rugged and bare. Above was an angry sky from which rain fell, in which lightening played. Down the side of the mountain tumbled a foaming waterfall. This did not look peaceful at all. But when the King looked, he saw behind the waterfall a tiny bush growing in a crack in the rock. In the bush a mother bird had built her nest. There, in the midst of the rush of angry water, sat the mother bird on her nest ... perfect peace. Which picture do you think won the prize? The King chose the second picture. Do you know why? "Because," explained the King, "peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. Peace means to be in the midst of all those things and still be calm in your heart. That is the real meaning of peace."
» Rock & Roll 50's


Today in 
1278 680 Jews arrested (293 hanged) in England for 
   counterfeiting coins 
1558 Elizabeth I ascends English throne upon 
  death of Queen Mary 
1869 Suez Canal opens (Egypt) 
1913 Panama Canal opens
1938 Italy passes their own version of the anti-Jewish 
  Nuremberg laws
1959 De Beers firm of South Africa announces synthetic diamond
1966 Leonids meteor shower peaks (150,000+ per hour) 
1967 Surveyor 6 becomes 1st man-made object to lift off the Moon
1993 US Congress votes for NAFTA
2012  smiled


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Printing eBooks 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, November 16
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Thank you, Hermon!

Dr Bill wrote to remind us that Borscht (beet soup) is also
great for lowering blood pressure quickly.

Borsht is best made in a BIG pot, so that you can add onions,
carrots, cabbage, chives, celery, whatever veggies are in 
the fridge and need to be used soon. If you don't over-cook it, 
you can fill the leftover into meal size ziplock baggies or 
freezer containers, and freeze them. 

Then you can take one out once a month for nearly instant 
borscht. 

I used to like those ziplock baggies, but nowadays prefer the
stackable freezer containers. There is no need for a crowbar 
or claw hammer to wrestle them out of the freezer, and a lot
fewer chances of burning mysellf when I empty it after 
microwaving it.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

In literature as in love, we are astonished at what is chosen by others. --- Andre Maurois
A man came into a shop with a 'Salesman Wanted' sign in a window. He went up to the owner and said, "I-I-I w-w-waannn-t the j-joooob-b." "I don't know if this job would suit you because of your speaking impediment," said the owner. "I h-h-havvve a w-wi-wiiiife and s-s-s-six k-kkkids, iiii-I re-really neeeed thi-thi-this j-j-job!" said the man. "O.K. Here are three Bibles. Go out and sell them." said the owner. So the man went out and came back an hour later. "H-here-sss your m-m-money." said the man. The owner was impressed, so he gave the man a dozen more Bibles and sent him out. The man came back in two hours and said, "Her-ers y-yooour m-m-money." The owner said, "This is fantastic. You sold more Bibles in three hours than anyone has sold in a week. Tell me, what do you say to the people when they come to the door?" "W-welllll," said the man, "I r-r-ring the d-door bell, a-a-and s-s-say 'H-Hel-Hello, M-m-maaaaddam, d-d-do you w-w-want t-t t-to buy thi-thi-this B-B-Bible, oooor d-d-do y-you w-w-want m'me t-toooo read it t-t-t-t-to you?"
>From Gary Gary works as a service technician for a large exterminating company. One of the rules of the company is that he has to confirm each appointment by phone the night before his service call to that household to ensure he does not arrive at an empty but locked house. One evening he made such a call, and when a man answered the phone, he said, "Hi, this is Gary from A to Z Pest Control Company. Your wife phoned us." There was a long silence, and then the man on the other end said, "Honey, it's for you......someone wants to talk to you about your relatives."
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Click on the picture for the large version Another mystery bird!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Tammi Estep, 36, in Horry County, South Carolina Woman Stabs Husband, Explains To Cops That Victim Was "Satan's Spawn" Reported by the Smoking Gun A woman arrested for stabbing her husband in the stomach explained to South Carolina cops that, “Jesus and Mary told me to kill him because he is Satan’s spawn!” Despite that explanation, Tammi Estep, 36, was charged with the attempted murder of her 46-year-old spouse, who underwent surgery following the attack Friday morning. According to a Horry County Police Department report, Estep told officers that she “was sent to save the world!” The stabbing occurred in the home Estep shares with her husband and two sons, both of who were present during the incident. Pictured in the adjacent mug shot, Estep is being held in the county jail in advance of a bond hearing.
Tech Support Pits From: Dianah Re: Print eBook Dear Webby, What kind of printer would you recommend to print ebooks? I want to print a bunch of my eBooks for the local trade show, but if I try that with my HP multi-function printer, it will break down again, and this time I am bnot going to get it repaired. Thanks Dianah Dear Dianah First get ClickBook, so that you can accomplish double-sided printing in paperback book format. People DO NOT like "books" in page size. That is why paperback books outsell any other format. 2. Get a reliable Laser printer. I got a Dell 1320C about four years ago for just under $200. I only use toner from Atlantic Inkjet and it still prints as fast and as beautiful as it did on day one. They don't have that particular model number any more, but any of their single function color laser printers will do, though I would shy away from the absolutely lowest cost model. $139 will get you a home use color laser printer, but for office use I would pick one in the $150 -$200 range. Quite often Xerox sells the same printer with their logo on it for $100 more. If you are an HP fan, the HP LaserJet Pro 400 Printer M401n is the equivalent of the Dell 1320c, and the lowest model of HP printer, that I would consider, if I HAD to pick an HP printer. 3. Get a toner refill kit from Atlantic Inkjet. Printer manufacturers change labels on the printers with each sale, and rarely more than the label and the price. The new and improved model number might not be listed yet on Atlantic's web site, but rest assured, they do have the toner and refill kits and/or re-manufactured cartridges in stock. If necessary, email them or call their toll free number. Most printers, when you get them, have a low volume starter package of toner, usually about a quarter of what you get from Atlantic Inkjet.com. So it is important to get proper refills soon. Atlantic Inkjet .com ships fast, but don't wait until you are out of toner! Have FUN! DearWebby
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A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient sexual activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse. You too, eh?
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Makeshift Meal Tray on Walker My wife is going through rehab for a brain tumor and has to use a walker around the house. To feed her, I found a shelving board out in our garage and I put this board through her walker on the braces for a makeshift table to put her food and drink while she is sitting down. By Jim Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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Robert and Peter had applied for jobs at a large company and had to take an intelligence test. Though both of them found the test a breeze, except that they admitted to being momentarily stumped by the final question: "Name a 14 letter word for someone in charge of a plant." "How did you answer that last one?" asked Robert. "I thought it was tough at first.... then I thought of Superintendent." "I think I got it right too," Pete said. "But I wrote down Horticulturist."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
At a clearance sale, the wife of a federal district court judge found a green tie that was a perfect match for one of her husband's sports jackets. Soon after, while the couple was vacationing at a resort complex to get his mind off a rather complicated cocaine conspiracy case, he noticed a small, round disc sewn into the design of the tie. The judge showed it to a local FBI agent, who was equally suspicious that it might be a 'bug' planted by the conspiracy defendants. The agent sent the device to FBI headquarters In Washington, DC for analysis. Two weeks later, the judge phoned the Washington office to learn the results of their tests. "We're not sure where the disc came from," the FBI told him, "but we discovered that when you press it, it plays 'Jingle Bells.'"
» Nature's Window


Today in 
1532 Pizarro seizes Incan emperor Atahualpa
1676 1st colonial prison organized, Nantucket, Massachusetts
1798 Kentucky becomes 1st state to nullify an act of Congress
1894 6,000 Armenians massacred by Turks in Kurdistan
1901 3 autos race on Ocean Parkway, Brooklyn, fastest speed 
  achieved by Henry Fournier who drives a mile in 51 4/5 seconds 
1955 1st speed-boat to exceed 200 mph (322 kph) (D.M. Campbell) 
1965 Venera 3 launched, 1st to land on another planet  
   (crashes into Venus) 
1990 Manuel Noriega claims US denied him a fair trial 
2012  smiled


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Play Internet Radio on the big stereo 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, November 15

Thank you, Joanne!

I mentioned a few days ago to be careful about taking 
Baby Aspirin or ASA81 without telling your doctor, since it
thins your blood. Quite often a doctor will advise excatly 
that, so why is it bad to just sneak it as a home remedy?

Because it DOES thin the blood, it may be masking symptoms,
that the body intends to send as warning signals, that something
needs to be taken care of.

If you tell your doctor, or if he tells you to take ASA81, 
then he takes that into consideration. "Considering she takes
ASA81, and still has ...." 

I definitely don't say Aspirin is bad stuff, especially in low
doses like that. Just tell your doctor to take it into 
consideration, when you mention any other symptoms.

ASA81 is very cheap, about $5 for 300 at Costco or $6+
for 30 at downtown drug stores.

By the way, pickled beets accomplish the same thing and
can lower your blood pressure faster than an elevator.
If something or other causes a blood pressure spike so severe,
that I get a nose bleed, which happens about once every 
second year, I quickly open a jar of pickled beets, add some
diced onion and enjoy a beet salad. Blood pressure normalizes
almost instantly and behaves for another year or two. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"Making resolutions is a cleansing ritual of self-assessment and repentance that demands personal honesty and, ultimately, reinforces humility. Breaking them is just part of the cycle." --- Eric Zorn "Personality can open doors, but only character can keep them open." --- Elmer G. Letterman
Since I had been selling water beds for almost four years, I thought I had heard every question imaginable. But then a customer asked me, "Can you deliver it filled with water?" Stunned, I replied, "Are you kidding? It would weigh over twelve hundred pounds!" After a short pause, she said, "Could you do it if I helped you carry it in?"
Sitting in the bar George asked his 40-year-old friend John, "How come you aren't married?" John: "I haven't found the right woman yet." George: "So what are you looking for?" John: "Oh she's got to be real pretty, - a good cook and house keeper, she's got to know how to handle money, have a nice and pleasant personality -- and money, she's got to have money, and a nice big house wouldn't hurt either." George: "A woman like that would be crazy to marry YOU!" John: "Oh, it's okay, if she is crazy."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Danielle Reed, 23, in Jacksonville, Florida Teacher jailed for screwing gossipy Mama's Boy Reported by the Weekly Vice Danielle Reed, a 23-year-old English teacher at Atlantic Coast High School was jailed Friday after she allegedly had sex with a student. According to police, an investigation was launched Friday when officers were called to the boy's school and he admitted to having oral sex and sexual intercourse with Reed on multiple occasions. Investigators say the alleged relationship lasted from March 1 to June 15, 2012. The student's mother met Reed at some point in the relationship when Reed picked the boy up at his home. During the visit, Reed allegedly pretended to be the mother of a student who had recently befriended the alleged "victim". The mother did not clue in that a 23 year old teacher was not likely the mother of a 16 -18 year old. Reed then took the boy to her home where the two spent the night together. The boy told his mother about the sexual relationship about a month after it ended Reed was booked into the Duval County Jail and charged with two counts of sexual battery on a victim older than 12 but under 18. She is being held in lieu of $150,003 bond. Her teaching carreer is finished.
Tech Support Pits From: Lee Re: Play Internet Radio on the stereo Dear Webby, I have been a subscriber to your humor letter for a long time, and I still enjoy reading it very much. You do seem to be quite adept at answering computer questions, so I hope that you can help me. I love listening to internet radio and currently do on my computer speakers, but I am wondering how I could play the stream through my stereo, and what is the best and easiest way to go about doing it? Thank You Very Much for your time and efforts in this matter. Sincerely, Lee Dear Lee Check on your stereo for some connectors labelled AUX or AUX INPUT Often those are in the back. Connect from the speaker outlet on the computer to the AUX input on the stereo. Switch the stereo's function to AUX and now you can finally hear the music the way it was intended to be heard. The computer output going to the little speakers is from the green socket. Normally you have a 3 wire cable running to the first of the speakers, the one with power and volume controls. One of those three wires is usually "identified". Sometimes that is with a ridge on the plastic, or the middle of the three, or a color. That is the common wire. If you have to extend it with 2-wire speaker wire, connect one of each pair to that common one, and the other to one of the outside wires. On the stereo the AUX INput is usually four screw terminals or spring clips, two of them labelled "L" and two of the "R" or right. Connect one cable to the "L" pair and the other to the "R" pair. Turn the function selector ofd the stereo to AUX, and instead of the little computer speakers, the big stereo speakers now produce the sound. This of course also works great for hands free calling via Skype. Just leave the pink microphone plug from the head set pkugged in. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
From teachers exams in Florida: Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar. ******** Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists. ******** Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. ******** Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? A: Keep it in the cow. ******* Q: What causes the tides in the oceans? A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight. ******** Q: What are steroids? A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs. ******** Q: What happens to your body as you age? A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental. ******** Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes. A: Premature death. ******** Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen). A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A,E,I,O and U. ******** Q: What is the fibula? A: A small lie. ******** Q: What does "varicose" mean? A: Nearby. ******** Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section" A: The Caesarean Section is the red light district in Rome. ******** Q: What does the word "benign" mean? A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Know Your Computer Repair Person When you hand over your computer to a repair service, do you realize that once they get your computer to function, EVERY bit of personal (and possibly financial) information is at their disposal. My advice is to find a local repair person that you feel you can trust; not hand it over to a company that will send it to their repair center. Who is working on it, and will they invade your privacy? At least if you deal with an individual, you have a better chance of not being invaded. If so, at least you have a 'starting source'. By cajun62234 from Collinsville Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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>From Penny An old Irishman was asked, " At your ripe old age, which would you prefer to get – Parkinson’s or Alzheimer's?" Irishman replied, "Bejesus, definitely Parkinson’s! Better to spill half an ounce of whiskey than to forget where you left the bottle!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
There was a man driving down the road behind an 18 wheeler, at every stoplight the trucker would get out of the cab, run back and bang on the trailer door. After seeing this at several intersections in a row the motorist followed him until he pulled into a parking lot. When they both had come to a stop the truck driver once again jumped out and started banging on the trailer door. The motorist went up to him and said, "I don't mean to be nosey but why do you keep banging on that door?" To which the trucker replied, "Sorry, can't talk now, I have 20 tons of canarries and a 10 ton limit, so i have to keep half of them flying at all times."
» Shellfish


Today in 
1492 Christopher Columbus notes 1st recorded reference to tobacco
1660 1st kosher butcher (Asser Levy) licensed in NYC(New Amsterdam) 
1763 Charles Mason & Jeremiah Dixon begin surveying Mason-Dixon 
    Line between Pennsylvania & Maryland 
1806 Explorer Zebulon Pike sights Pikes Peak 
1864 Sherman burns Atlanta
1937 1st congressional session in air-conditioned chambers 
1939 Nazis begin mass murder of Warsaw Jews
1939 Social Security Administration approves 1st unemployment check
1940 1st 75,000 men called to armed forces duty during peacetime 
1954 1st regularly scheduled commercial flights over North Pole begins 
1957 US sentences Soviet spy Rudolf Ivanovich Abel to 30 years & $3,000
1969 250,000 demonstrate in Wash DC against the Vietnam War
1977 President Jimmy Carter welcomes Shah of Iran
1988 PLO proclaims the State of Palestine, recognizes Israeli existence 
1988 Soviet space shuttle makes unmanned maiden flight (2 orbits) 
1999 Transit of Mercury visible in North America 
2012  smiled


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Resizing picture on a web page 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, November 14

This seems to be the year of the fall of tyrants and bigshots.
First NATO ganged up on Gadafi, then Scott Forstall got 
booted out of Apple, then Petraeus got backstabbed and eased
out, now Sinofsky got kicked out of Microsoft. 

Sinofsky had been driving development of Windows 7, which 
rescued Microsoft from the embarrassing mess that was 
Windows Vista. While Windows 7 is too buggy to be worth
fixing, it is not as bad as Vista, and he should have retired 
when Windows 7 was released. 

However, just like Gadafi, he overstayed his welcome and
will get blamed for Windows 8.

Two weeks after the public release of Windows 8 we see the
exact repetition of the Vista release. People are digging in
their heels, and corporations are stocking up on old machines.
So Sinofsky got canned, belatedly.

He will be replaced by Julie Larson-Green, a carreer executive,
who most recently has been overseeing user interface design.
Considering the total lack of user appreciation of the Windows 8
user interface, maybe she should have been canned too.

Personally, I fail to see why we should have to put up with
different user interfaces every few years, just to be able
to get simple work done. 

Vista has been put onto the same shelf as DOS-4, and it looks
like Windows 8 is headed there too.
If they take the mobile device interfaces, but not the silly tiles 
of Windows 8, add that to XP and call it Windows 9, they would
have a winner, that would generate some loyalty. 

However, the victims, ahem users, don't count at Microsoft.

Unfortunately, that would not require new 16 GB machines and
all the computer manufacturing companies they own big shares 
in, would not generate the expected dividends. 
And China would go broke!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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I prefer the company of peasants because they have not been educated sufficiently to reason incorrectly. --- Michel de Montaigne The future is here. It's just not widely distributed yet. --- William Gibson
"I'd like the number for Jennifer Smith in Richmond, Virginia," the young man said to the 411 operator. "There are multiple listings for Jennifer Smith in Richmond, Virginia," the operator said. "Do you have a street name?" The young man hesitated a moment, "Well, uh, most people call me Bubba."
On a recent flight I sat next to a lady who was on her way to meet a guy she had met over the net. She sat there during most of the flight messing with her make-up. She put on eyebrow pencil, eye shadow, eyeliner, eyelashes, foundation, mascara, toner, blush and stuff that I have no clue what it is called. Then she turned to me and said, "Does this look natural?" Well, the truth was that soap and water would have made her look a lot better than all that make-up. So I told her: "If your friend starts looking closely at your war paint, take that as a sign that you have your blouse buttoned up too high."
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Thanks to my O'SURE for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Cabin on Ouachita River
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Holly Solomon, 28, in Gilbert, Arizona Jailed After Running Husband Down With SUV Because He Failed To Vote Reported by the Weekly Vice Holly Solomon, a 28-year-old Gilbert woman was jailed Saturday after she allegedly ran over her husband with an SUV because he didn't vote, and she was angry that Barack Obama got re-elected. According to Gilbert police, Holly Solomon was upset following the outcome of the presidential election. Anger turned into rage, however, when she discovered that her husband didn't even vote. Officers were dispatched to the suspect's home when a neighbor witnessed a domestic disturbance and called 911. Investigators say Solomon and her husband, 36-year-old Daniel Solomon, were arguing about the election inside her car when he decided that he'd had enough and stepped out of the vehicle. Undeterred, Solomon allegedly drove circles around her husband, in an apparent effort to keep him from leaving the scene of her harranging. When Mr. Solomon attempted to make a run for it, she sped after him in the Jeep and ran into him. After Mr. Solomon got to his feet, he took refuge behind a utility pole. Mrs. Solomon circled her husband again, while screaming obscenities at him. Again, Mr. Solomon attempted to make a run for it, prompting Mrs. Solomon to give chase in the Jeep. That's when she drove into him again, pinning him underneath the vehicle. The victim was taken to Scottsdale Healthcare Osborne Medical Center, where he remains in critical condition. During a police interview, Mr. Solomon stated that his wife was six month pregnant and blamed Obama for the hardship she and her family had been facing recently. Police do not believe she was impaired by drugs or alcohol during the incident. Holly Solomon was booked into jail and charged with domestic violence and aggravated assault.
Tech Support Pits From: Kitty Re: Resizing picture on a web page Dear Webby, i just wanted to say think you again for all your tips. and to say i went to the link that Dianne sent to you. that is an aussome site. is there a way to reset the size to the pictures like those? Kitty Dear Kitty You can get slightly bigger size by holding down the CTRL key and rolling the scroll wheel of the mouse. When you got the picture as big as it will go without getting coarse, hold down the ALT key and hit the PrintScreen key. I realize, on some poorly designed laptops, that is almost impossible. If necessary, hit whatever combination is required, to accomplish PrintScreen. That prints the picture into the clip board. Now open a graphics program, and hit CTRL V. That starts a new picture and puts the clip board content into it. Now you can resize the picture with less loss of clarity and sharpness, than just scrolling it larger with the browser. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A husband and wife attend a small service at the local church one Sunday morning. The man was very moved by the preacher's sermon, so he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. "Reverend, that was the best damn sermon I ever did hear!" The Reverend replied, "Oh! Why, thank you sir, but please, I'd appreciate it if you didn't use profanity in the Lord's house." "I'm sorry Reverend, but I can't help myself... it was such a damn good sermon!" The Reverend replied, "Sir, please, I cannot have you behaving this way in Church!" "Okay Reverend, but I just wanted you to know that I thought it was so damn good, that I put $5,000 in the collection plate." The Reverend's eyes opened wide as he remarked, "Holy Shit!!!! Five Thousand!!! Hot Digity Damn!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Side Mirrors Clear of Ice If you have those big rearview mirrors on your car or truck and you know an ice storm is coming, here's a cheap trick to keep them clean. Take two plastic grocery bags (one for each mirror) and two rubber bands and put the bags around the mirrors and secure them with the rubber band. It does not look great but it sure helps in the morning when it comes to cleaning the ice off the car or truck cause those mirrors are free and clear of ice! By Debradj from Illinois A piece of old tarp over the windows and mirrors and held down with a bungee cord on each side has worked well for me in the Yukon. It keeps the side windos clear of frost and snow too. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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During a phone conversation, my niece mentioned that she was taking a psychology course at university. "Oh, great," I said, "Now you'll be analyzing everyone in the family." "No, no," she replied. "I don't take abnormal psychology until next semester."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
My job as a land surveyor took me to a golf course that was expanding to 18 holes. Using a machete to clear thick brush in an area I was mapping, I came upon a golf club that an irate player must have tossed away. It was in good condition, so I picked it up and continued on. When I broke out of the brush onto a putting green, two golfers stared at me in awe. I had a machete in one hand, a golf club in the other, and behind me was a clear-cut swath over 100 yards long. "There," said one of the golfers, "is a guy who hates to lose his ball!"
» McDonald's: Here & There


Today in 




2012  smiled


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Double-sided printing with ordinary printers 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, November 13


Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness. --- Woody Allen First secure an independent income, then practice virtue. -- Socratex Americans adore me and will go on adoring me until I say something nice about them. --- George Bernard Shaw
A little girl was diligently pounding away on her father's word processor. She told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?" he asked. "I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."
Two Alaskan hunters get a pilot to fly them to out to hunt moose. They bagged two. As they started loading the plane for the return trip, the pilot said the plane could take only one moose. The two Alaskans objected strongly, "Last year we shot two and the pilot let us put them both on board and he had the same plane as yours." Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and both were loaded. However, even on full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down a few moments after take-off. Climbing out of the wreck one Alaskan asked the other, "Any idea where we are?" "Yeah I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."
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Thanks to my dad for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version A month early this year!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Perry Trenka, Gainesville, Florida Jailed After Police Discover Gator Hides, Pot Plant On Property Reported by the Weekly Vice Gainesville, FL (The Weekly Vice) - Perry Trenka, a 51-year old Florida man was jailed Monday after police discovered alligator hides and a lonely pot plant on his property. According to police, an investigation was launched after detectives received a complaint that alleged Trenka had been killing alligators illegally and then hanging their hides on his property. When officers arrived on the scene, Trenka invited them onto his property without a warrant. Investigators say officers discovered two alligators hides on display on his property. One alligator hide was proudly nailed to a board in his machine shop. Officers also discovered gator meat in Trenka's freezer. (yum). Trenka told officers that he caught the alligators with a hook and line after they became stuck in a natural sinkhole on his property. He reportedly had no permit to hunt or capture alligators, according to an arrest affidavit. (He probably could not afford a licensed alligator trapper to get rid of the gators) While officers were walking Trenka's property, they discovered a lonely pot plant that had been planted in a black pot in Trenka's back yard. Trenka told officers that the pot plant wasn't his and that he was just watering it for a friend who had passed away several months ago. The alligator hides, alligator meat and pot plant were removed from the property as evidence. Trenka was booked into the Alachua County Jail and charged with felony charges of harvesting alligators without a permit and cultivating marijuana.
Tech Support Pits From: Eva Re: Double sided printing Dear Webby, I could not quite follow your description of how that QuickBook works. Would I need a special printer, that prints on both sides? They are godawfully expensive! Eva Dear Eva nah, don't worry. In the late 80's printer manufacturers all conspired to print in such a way, that the output came out face down. The users all hated that, but some big government buyers specified that, so that anybody walking by a printer, could not casually read anything secret. Keep in mind, in those days Governments used big huge IBM 3810 laser printers the size and weight of a small coffin. They were usually connected to a mainframe network, and dozens of users printed to them. You queued your print job and sauntered over to the printer, gossipped for a while with the other people waiting for their print job, and watched like a hawk to make sure nobody walked off with the last page of yours. In those days, it possibly DID make sense for print jobs to come out face down. However, they still do. That is why the output tray is usually "outboard", balconied out behind the printer. QuickBook makes you print a test page, tell it the results and put it back in according to the marks it prints on it. Depending on the results, it knows then, whether your printer prints onto the top or the bottom of the paper. Then for printing the back side, it tells you to either drop the stack from the output shelf straight down into the source drawer, or to turn it upsdie down. You can tell it to print a cover sheet with those instructions. Those instructions will be specific for THAT printer. You might have to turn the stack upside down side to side, - not length-wise - on your inkjet printer at home, but drop the stack straight down without turning or flipping on the laser printer at work. Don't worry, just put a checkmark on "Print cover page with instructions" and then follow those instructions. Each page will wind up with the correct page on the back. AND you can start with Page 1 on the left or the right, outside on the cover or inside, page numbering or not, just by clicking on checkmarks. Oh, and you CAN of course also print flip-down calendars! Have FUN! DearWebby
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Working as a computer instructor for an adult-education program at a community college, I am quite aware of the gap in computer knowledge between my younger and older students. My observations were confirmed the day a new student walked into our library area and glanced at the encyclopedia volumes stacked on a bookshelf. "What are all these books?" he asked. Somewhat surprised, I replied that they were encyclopedias. "Really?" he said. "Someone printed out the whole CD?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Protect Your Important Documents in Your Freezer Protect your important documents (insurance info, car titles, warranties, etc.) by placing them is a zip lock bag in your freezer. Should a fire occur, they will not be burned. Source: We've done this for years. By GrannyGoff from Concord, NC Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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A woman whose fondness for the good life had taken its toll in added pounds - and girth - was being shown a Jeep by a salesman at an auto dealership. When the salesman's pitch had run its course, he sought to close with the typical line, "Now what would it take to get you into one of these?" Looking at the Jeep's high front seat, the woman replied, "A fork lift?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Irene I hate the idea of going under the knife. So I was very upset when the doctor hold me I needed a tonsillectomy. Later, the nurse and I were filling out an admission form. I tried to respond to the questions, but I was so nervous I couldn't speak. The nurse patted my hand and said, "Don't worry. This medical problem can easily be fixed, and it's not a dangerous procedure." "You're right. I'm being silly," I said, "Please continue." "Good," the nurse went on, "Now, do you have a living will?"
» Yes we CAN


Today in 
867 St Nicholas I ends his reign as Catholic Pope
1002 English king Ethelred II launches massacre of Danish settlers 
1843 Mt Rainier in Washington State erupts
1854 "New Era" sinks off NJ coast with loss of 300 
1895 1st shipment of canned pineapple from Hawaii 
1907 French cyclist Paul Cornu flies a twin rotor helicopter
1927 NY-NJ Holland Tunnel, 1st twin-tube underwater auto tunnel
1941 British aircraft carrier "Ark Royal" sunk in Mediterranean
1946 1st artificial snow produced from a natural cloud, 
   Mt Greylock, MA
1970 Cyclone kills estimated 300,000 in Chittagong Bangladesh
1971 Mariner 9, 1st to orbit another planet (Mars) 
1985 Nevado del Ruiz volcano erupts in Colombia, kills 25,000
1986 US violates Iran arms boycott
2012  smiled


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printing booklets and books 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, November 12
Remembrance Day Stat Holiday


Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. --- George Carlin If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. --- Bob Hope
>From Bess I couldn't decide whether to go to Salt Lake City or Denver for vacation, so I called the airlines to get prices. "Air- fare to Denver is $300," said a cheery salesperson. "And what about Salt Lake City?" "We have a really great rate to Salt Lake--$99.00, but there is a stopover, where you have to change planes." "Where?" I asked. "Denver." "Hmmm, that is good to know!"
A porter loaded down with suitcases followed the couple to the airline check-in counter. As they approached the line, the husband glanced at the pile of luggage and said to the wife, "Why didn't you bring the piano, too?" "Are you trying to be funny?" she replied. "No, I really wish you had" he sighed. "I left the tickets on it."
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A man traveling down a country road was forced to stop before a giant puddle covering the entire road. Looking to the side of the road, the man noticed a farmer leaning on a fence. "Think it's safe to cross?" the man asked. "I guess so," replied the farmer. The car was immediately swallowed by the puddle as the man drove in. In fact, it was so deep that he had to roll his window down to swim out of his car back to the surface. As his head broke the surface the man said to the farmer, "I thought you said I could safely drive through this puddle!" "Well, golly!" said the farmer, scratching his head. "It only comes up chest-high on my ducks!" An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Denise Colon, 27, in Nashville, Tennessee Shoplifter attacked staff with screwdriver, car Reported by the Weekly Vice Denise Colon, a 27-year-old Nashville woman was jailed Saturday after she allegedly shoplifted from a local Walmart, then stabbed one employee with a screwdriver and ran into another employee with her car while fleeing the scene. According to Nashville police, a Walmart employee attempted to stop Colon after she tried to walk out of the store with approximately $100 worth of stolen merchandise. Colon retaliated by stabbing the employee with a screwdriver before fleeing to the parking lot where her car was parked. When a second employee followed Colon to her car, Colon jumped into the vehicle and backed it into the employee. The employee that received a stab wound was treated at a local hospital for non-life threatening injuries. Court records show that this is not Colon's first run-in with the law. In 2011, she was arrested after she allegedly left a baby at a local Target retail store. The baby did not belong to Colon, and the child's mother claimed that she had nothing to do with the incident. According to state records, Colon has been arrested for shoplifting on numerous occasions. She was booked into jail and charged with theft and aggravated assault.
Tech Support Pits None of the usual Windows 7 defenders, who usually accuse me of not reading the instructions and just badmouthing Microsoft's latest and greatest, have written with any solution to the Windows 7 Phantom Drive problem. From: Christin Re: Printing booklets Dear Webby, Is there a formula for sorting the page numbers of booklets? I want to print them 4 pages to a sheet, 2 on the front, 2 on the back. The pagination and printing used to be done by my hubby, until he died. Trying to shuffle the pages myself is driving me crazy. Where can I get the formula for that? Christin Dear Christin There is a lot more to that than just a formula. Trying to get the printer to print the pages correctly with four or more "pages" per sheet would indeed drive you crazy, unless you are comfortable with a special type of math. You need some specialized software for doing that. I have used Clickbook since the days, when I still had a noisy Dot-Matrix printer. With ClickBook you pick one out of over 170 formats, teach it how your printer works. It needs to know which way does it print, when you take the output and drop it straight down into the input tray, without turning or flipping it. Then you tell it whether you want a blank cover or no cover, which file to print, and hit PRINT. After it prints one side, it tells you to take the stack from the output and drop it straight down into the input tray, and hit OK. When done, you simply take the output, fold it in half and pound it tight with a rubber hammer. As I mentioned, it has over 170 different formats to choose, including Tri-Fold brochures, long fold table riders, CD/DVD jewel case inserts, etc. Printng e-Books in paperback format, 4 pages per sheet, saves you an incredible amount of paper and ink / toner. Naturally, all that high math is not free, however, they kept the price of Clickbook the same for about twenty years. If you lose this link, just go to my Tool Box. It has been in there for almost twenty years, and I have never in all that time heard a single complaint about Clickbook. Have FUN! DearWebby
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My client Anita and I were eating at a Chinese restaurant. When an elderly waiter set chopsticks at our places, Anita made a point of reaching into her purse and pulling out her own pair. "As an environmentalist," she declared, "I do not approve of destroying bamboo forests for throwaway utensils." The waiter inspected her chopsticks. "Velly bootiful," he said politely. "Ivoly flom lasst highland ellefant!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Cosmetics Containers For Jewelry I have found that old cosmetics containers (that have been cleaned out) are great to store jewelry in for a weekend trip. It's also a great way to recycle! By craftattack Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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>From Ann I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
At the gates of heaven there were two lines, with signs above them. One line was labeled "Hen Pecked Husbands", and the other was labeled "Non-Henpecked Husbands." In the line labeled " Hen Pecked Husbands" was filled with men and it stretched as far far as the eye could see. The other line "non-Hen Pecked Husbands" had only one skinny bald little man with thick glasses. After surveying the two lines, St. Peter walked over to the little man in the Non-Henpecked line, grabbed his hand and told him how amazed he was at his accomplishment, and asked him "how in the world did you do it? You are the only man in this line." The little man looked at St. Peter with a puzzled look on his face and said, "Gee mister I don't know what you are talking about, my wife told me to stand here."
» Currier and Ives


Today in 
324 -BC- Origin of Era of Alexander
1775 General Washington forbids enlisting blacks 
1918 Emperor Karl of Austria-Hungary abdicates
1927 Trotsky expelled from Soviet CP; Stalin becomes dictator 
1928 British steamer "Vestris" capsizes & sinks off Virginia, kills 110
1933 Nazis receive 92% of vote in Germany
1938 Hermann Goering announces he wants Madagascar 
   as a Jewish homeland 
1946 1st drive-up bank window established (Chicago) 
1948 Japanese premier Hideki Tojo sentenced to death 
   by war crimes tribunal 
1954 Ellis Island, immigration station in NY Harbor, closed 
1956 Largest observed iceberg, 208 by 60 miles, 1st sighted
  ( Gullible Warming II )
1977 New Orleans elects 1st black mayor, Ernest (Dutch) Morial 
1979 US halts Iranian oil imports & freezes Iranian assets
1984 Space shuttle astronauts snared a satellite 
   1st space salvage 
1987 Heavy snow closes schools from DC to Maine 
2012  smiled


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Difficulty getting a McAfee Download 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, November 11
Remembrance Day
Armistice Day
Veterans Day
Hero's Day
Poppy Day

In Canada, and many other countries, aside from parades
and whatever else is planned for the day, there are 
two minutes of silence at 11:00 am to commemorate the 
soldiers killed or hurt in the wars. The rest of the day is
for the soldiers, who are alive.

Many stores and offices also play "Pittance of Time" just 
before 11:00, to remind people.


If your email rogram hides the movie, you can see it on YouTube at
Pittance Of Time

If you are just traveling in Canada and wonder why everybody 
is wearing a poppy, and has been for a week 
now you know why.


Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Take everything you like seriously, except yourselves. --- Rudyard Kipling The nine most terrifying words in the English language are, 'I'm from the government and I'm here to help.' --- Ronald Reagan No one appreciates the value of constructive criticism more thoroughly than the one who's giving it. --- Hal Chadwick
>From Anna The Students in my third-grade class were bombarding me with questions about my newly pierced ears. "Does the hole go all the way through?" "Yes." "Did it hurt?" "Just a little." "Did they stick a needle through your ears?" "No, they used a special gun." Silence followed, and then one solemn voice called out, "How far away did they stand?" And another voice piped up: "Did they do both ears with one shot?"
>From Nina Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish Wolfhound named Bomber. The dog's owners, Ron, his wife, Lisa, and their little boy, Billie, were all very attached to Bomber and they were hoping for a miracle. I examined Bomber and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family there were no miracles left for Bomber, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home. As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for the four-year-old Billie to observe the procedure. They felt as though Billie might learn something from the experience, and realize that Bomber would go gently. The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Bomber's Family surrounded him. Billie seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Bomber slipped peacefully away. The little boy seemed to accept Bomber's transition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after Bomber's death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives. Billie, who had been listening quietly, piped up, "I know why." Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I'd never heard a more comforting explanation. He said, "People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life -- like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?" Everyone nodded their heads in agreement. The four-year-old continued, "Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long."
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A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!" An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to (OLD picture) Shelley Lapsley, 42, in Fort Wayne, Indiana Charged With Insurance Fraud After Brawling With School Bus, Losing Reported by the Weekly Vice Shelley Lapsley, a 42-year-old Fort Wayne woman has been charged after she allegedly punched a school bus with her fists, then attempted to file a false insurance claim. According to Fort Wayne police, Lapsley allegedly submitted a claims report to the Fort Wayne Community School's insurance company, stating that she had been struck by one of their school buses. Lapsley's story fell apart, however, when surveillance video obtained from the bus showed her intentionally punching the bus with her fists. Lapsley was charged with Class D felony insurance fraud.
Tech Support Pits None of the usual Windows 7 defenders, who usually accuse me of not reading the instructions and just badmouthing Microsoft's latest and greatest, have written with any solution to the Windows 7 Phantom Drive problem. From: Carole Re: Problem getting McAfee Carole had a badly infected machine, that the local computer shop was not able to clean, and could not get McAfee with the regular link. No idea whether the McAfee site was too busy, under attack, or whether her virus infection did not allow her to go to McAfee. (Many viruses do that!) So I gave her a couple of back-door links: http://promos.mcafee.com/Offer.aspx?id=419305 or for the Total Protection: http://promos.mcafee.com/Offer.aspx?id=419268 both still with the ID for the big discounts. Then she wrote: Dear Webby, got it . Now tell me, does it remove viruses already on my computer? If not how do I get rid of them? Thanks again. Carole Dear Carole Yes, it sure does! The first time you tell it to scan, it will quarantine or dump anything it finds suspicious. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
>From Sillizzy When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandma," he advised. "Mine says I'm four.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Aspirin For Cold Fingers and Toes My toes felt frozen throughout the entire month of October and winter was just beginning. I searched for answers on the internet and came across one remedy that I felt was thrifty and worth trying. It said to take one baby/low dose aspirin every day and guess what? It works! By oSandi from Sherwood Park, Alberta ------------------------- Baby Aspirin is a blood thinner. If it makes a big difference, then the heart should be checked soon! It is possible that a bit of blood thinning is all, that is needed, but doing JUST that is messing with the symptoms, not the cause. Get heart and circulation checked out soon! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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Each year, several giant computer expos at the Convention Center attract mobs of people. I ran into a friend the day after she had gone to one, and asked her about it. "By the time I got there," she said, "it was so crowded you couldn't get a nerd in edgewise."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Barb As a frequent flier, I get annoyed when other passengers disregard the airline attendant's pleas to stay seated when the plane taxies to the gate. One attendant captured my heart by announcing: "The captain will be parking the aircraft at Gate 41 in approximately two minutes. I have seen the captain's car. I am going to remain seated, with the seat-belt securely snugged up."
» Sandy: Before and After


Today in 
1620 41 pilgrims land in Massachusetts, sign Mayflower Compact
1647 Massachusetts passes 1st US compulsory school attendance law
1714 A highway in the Bronx is laid out, later renamed East 233rd Street 
1918 Armistice Day-WW I ends at 11 AM
1925 Robert Millikan announces discovery of cosmic rays 
1933 "Great Black Blizzard" 1st great dust storm in the Great Plains
1942 During WW II Germany completes their occupation of France
1975 Australian PM removed by crown 
1988 Oldest known insect fossils (390 million years) reported
1992 General Synod votes for Ordination of women in the UK 
2012  smiled


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Phantom drives in Windows 7 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, November 10

Saw in the News:
Harper Government blocks new fees on memory cards
Ottawa - Canada's decade old media levy just got an exemption.
The levy which got high tech vendors, solution providers and 
retailers up in arms back in 2002, received an exemption for 
microSD memory cards from levies under the private copying 
regime.

If the vendors pass on the savings, that should reduce the 
cost of SD memory cards for cameras, thumb-drives, 
cell phones, etc.

November 11 is Veterans Day in the US, and
Remembrance Day in Canmada and the Commonwealth countries.
In Canada, when Remembrance Day falls on a Saturday or Sunday,
it is celebrated on the nearest Monday, since it is a stat holiday.
Many other countries akso have their version of Remembrance 
Day on the Monday closest to November 11.

In the US, it is NOT a stat holiday, and not celebrated on 
the nearest Monday, but on November 11, and in some places
on the nearest Sunday.

November 11 is also called Poppy Day.
In Flanders fields the poppies blow
      Between the crosses, row on row,
   That mark our place; and in the sky
   The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
   Loved and were loved, and now we lie
         In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
   The torch; be yours to hold it high.
   If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
         In Flanders fields.
Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae



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Great necessities call out great virtues. --- Abigail Adams You can't build a reputation on what you are going to do. --- Henry Ford Except in politics! Unrealistic election promises are even good enough for a Nobel prize.
Two guys left the bar after a long night of drinking. There was a thick and heavy snow storm and a foot of snow on top of the icy hardpack that had covered the parking lot when they had arrived earlier. They jumped into the icy car and started it up. Suddenly they were in a hurry to get home and the driver floored the accelerator. After a couple of minutes in the thick snow storm, just as the car heater started to blow warm air, an old man appeared in the passenger window and tapped lightly. The passenger screamed, "Look at he window. There's an old ghost's face there!" The driver stomped down the accelerator even harder, but the old man's face stayed in the window. The passenger rolled his window down part way and, scared out of his wits, yelled, "What do you want?" The old man softly replied, "You got any tobacco?" The passenger handed the old man a cigarette and yelled, "Step on it," to the driver, rolling up the window in terror. A few minutes later they calmed down and started laughing again. The driver said, "I don't know what happened, but don't worry; the speedometer says we're doing 80 now." All of a sudden there was a light tapping on the window and the old man's face reappeared in the heavy blizzard. "There he is again," the passenger yelled. He rolled down the window and shakily said, "Yes?" "Do you have a light?" the old man quietly asked. The passenger threw a lighter out the window, screaming at the driver: "Step on it!" The speedometer showed about 100 miles an hour now. They were trying to forget what they had just seen and heard, when all of a sudden there came some more tapping. "Oh my God! He's back!" The passenger rolled down the window and screamed in stark terror, "WHAT NOW?" The old man gently replied, "Do you guys want some help getting off that icy patch?"
One day, a kindergarten teacher said to the class of 5-year-olds, "I'll Give $2 to the child who can tell me who the most famous man who ever lived was." An Irish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Patrick." The teacher said, "Sorry Sean, that's not correct." Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Andrew." The teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Jock, that's not right either." Finally, a Jewish boy raised his hand and said, "It was Jesus Christ." The teacher said, "That's absolutely right, Marvin, come up here and I'll give you the $2." As the teacher was giving Marvin his money, she said, "You know, Marvin, since you're Jewish, I was very surprised that you said Jesus Christ." Marvin replied, "Yeah. In my heart I knew it was Moses, but business is business.
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A rather Posh Lady was sauntering around an exclusive London art gallery when she stopped by one particular exhibit. "I suppose this picture of a hideous witch is what you would call modern art?" she asked in a very pompous manner. "No, Ma'm," replied the gallery assistant, "We call that a mirror." An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Niles, Gammons, 22, in Urbana, Ohio Bonehead In Two Drunk Driving Busts, At The Same Time Reported by the Smoking Gun Due to daylight saving switch, Bonehead was nabbed twice at 1:08 AM Niles Gammons, 22, was first pulled over by an Urbana cop when he was spotted driving an Oldsmobile the wrong way in an alley. Gammons was pulled over at 1:08 AM by an officer who reported that he reeked of booze and had glassy eyes. Sergeant Dave Reese noted that when he sought to have Gammons perform a Breathalyzer test, “I could hear that he had something in his mouth.” As it turned out, Gammons’s mouth was filled with pennies. “I then advised Niles that pennies in the mouth were a myth and that it did not help in taking a breath test,” Reese noted. After Gammons’s blood alcohol content was measured at .116, he was arrested for drunk driving. After being transported to the Urbana police headquarters, Gammons was issued citations and “released to an adult.” Following Gammons’s departure, Reese wrote, “At 2:00 AM, the time changed from daylight savings time to standard time and 2:00 AM became 1:00 AM.” At 1:08 AM, “exactly one hour after the first stop”. Reese was driving his patrol car in Urbana’s municipal parking lot when a vehicle “backed out of a spot rapidly and nearly collided with my cruiser.” Reese quickly determined that Gammons was behind the wheel. “I asked Niles why he was driving, because he was under suspension and still drunk.” Gammons replied that “his friend that picked him up dropped him off and refused to take him home.” Then, in a sterling example of intoxicated logic, Gammons explained that he “was afraid of getting arrested for public intoxication so he decided to drive,” according to the police report. Gammons was again arrested for drunk driving and transported to the Urbana Police Division, where his blood alcohol content registered .109. The separate tickets issued to Gammons both carry the same date and time--November 4 at 1:08 AM. He is set to appear --for both cases-- in Champaign County Municipal Court on November 15. Each matter is scheduled for 3:30 PM.
Tech Support Pits From: Alex Re: Phantom drives in Windows 7 Dear Webby, Windows 7 has decided that the ancient HP multifunction klunker, that stopped printing seven years ago but still works OK as a scanner, is now a hard drive. It also invented a phantom drive, that has no hardware in THIS universe. Or not in THIS time. Maybe Windows 7 just reserved it for a time traveler, that it expects to arrive some day in the future. What IS extremely annoying, is that it pushed my USB Expansion Drive from F: to H: Now all the software installed, when the drive was still F:, and all the icons pointing to folders on that drive, still point to F:, not H: I am afraid if I re-install all the software, that I had put onto F:, to keep the C: drive lean and fast, like you had recommended many years ago, onto the H: drive, and change all the icons to point to places on the H: drive, then Windows 7 will suddenly stop the nonsense and call the expansion drive F: again. What's the story, and what do you recommend? Alex Dear Alex That is actually quite common on Windows 7, and one of the many reasons, why I don't recommend it. It makes Windows 7 totally unsuitable for business use, and is occasionally blamed on Linux infiltrators at Microsoft. It definitely does encourage businesses to switch to Linux. As far as I know, there is no fix for the phantom drive bug, and messing with the partitions is definitely not recommended. That card house is unstable enough already. It is qite safe to re-install your programs to the H: drive, and edit the icons to point to folders on the H: drive. I have not heard of Windows 7 ever stopping the phantom drive nonsense. If anybody knows of a remedy for Windows 7 phantom drives, please tell me! Have FUN! DearWebby
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Elizabeth was surprised to receive ten dollars from her aunt for her birthday. The aunt asked how she was going to spend it. "I'm taking it to Sunday School and giving it to God." the little girl replied. "He'll crap his drawers when he sees a TEN DOLLAR bill instead of just some coins as usual."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Aspirin For Cold Fingers and Toes My toes felt frozen throughout the entire month of October and winter was just beginning. I searched for answers on the internet and came across one remedy that I felt was thrifty and worth trying. It said to take one baby/low dose aspirin every day and guess what? It works! By oSandi from Sherwood Park, Alberta ------------------------- Baby Aspirin is a blood thinner. If it makes a big difference, then the heart should be checked soon! It is possible that a bit of blood thinning is all, that is needed, but doing JUST that is messing with the symptoms, not the cause. Get heart and circulation checked out soon! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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More than anything, Bob wanted to be a cowpoke. Taking pity on him, a rancher decided to hire the lad and give him a chance. "This," he said, showing him a rope, "is a lariat. We use it to catch cows." "I see," said Bob, trying to seem knowledgeable as he examined the lariat. "And what do you use for bait?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Groan Alert! Vintners in the Napa Valley who produce primarily Pinot Blancs and Pinot Grigios have developed a new hybrid grape, which acts as an anti-diuretic and will reduce the number of trips an older person has to make to the bathroom during the night. They will be marketing the new wine as Pinot More.
» Underwater Museum


Today in 
1674 Dutch formally cede New Netherlands (NY) to English 
1801 Kentucky outlaws dueling
1836 Louis Napoleon banished to America
1864 Austrian Archduke Maximilian became emperor of Mexico 
1928 Hirohito enthroned as Emperor of Japan
1951 1st long distance telephone call without operator assistance 
1975 Ore ship Edmund Fitzgerald & crew of 29 lost in storm on 
   Lake Superior
1989 Germans begin punching holes in the Berlin Wall 
1989 Word Perfect 5.1 is shipped, best and fastest word 
   processor ever released.
2084 Transit of Earth as seen from Mars. (Earth will be seen
  as a black dot marching across the sun)
2012  smiled


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Restore lost icons on Windows 7 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, November 9
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



The news are warning about "Deadly Snow Storms across
the prairies" snd 18 more inches of snow tomorrow. I have a
doctor's sppointment tomorrow mid day. Instead of laying 
rubber out of the garage and hitting the snow drifts at full
speed in reverse, and sorta aiming for the road, I am going 
to walk. Actually, I am looking forward to the walk. Going
there will be -12, Wind N @ 15, headwind, but coming home, 
with the wind at my back, -12 won't be bad at all.

Have FUN!
Dear Webby


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"Accept the challenges, so that you may feel the exhilaration of victory." --- General George S. Patton The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television. --- Socratex The real hero is always a hero by mistake; he dreams of being an honest coward like everybody else. --- Umberto Eco
An American was golfing at the Old Course in St. Andrews, Scotland. He slices his opening drive out of bounds onto the beach, so he tees another one up and smacks it right down the middle. The golfer turns to his old Scottish caddy and tells him that in America that is called a "Mulligan" and asks him if there is a name for it in Scotland. The caddy replies, "AYE, we call it a three."
>From Joy Dear Webby, Here is an oldie but a goodie for this cold and snowy time of year! Thanks for your humor letter each day. I also enjoy the bonus links, tech support, and pictures. Joy A teacher was helping one of her kindergarten students put his boots on. He asked for help and she could see why. With her pulling and him pushing, the boots still didn't want to go on. When the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat. She almost whimpered when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet." She looked and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off then it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on - this time on the right feet. He then announced, "These aren't my boots." She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to. Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off. He then said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear them." She didn't know if she should laugh or cry. She mustered up the grace to wrestle the boots on his feet again. Then she asked, "Now, where are your mittens?" He said, "I stuffed them in the toes of my boots..."
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Mistakes from her language students: "I was walking to school and suddenly a beautiful woman cut my eye." "She said she doesn't like fringe kissing. She prefers kiss- ing men without tongues." "He always erupts before I am finished talking." "We were lovers, but now she is my biggest enema!" "My father met us at the airport and gave me a big hog. Then he hogged my wife." "We live on the sex floor. Our apartment is small but we have a nice view." "He lifted the veal off her face and gave her a big kiss." "Unfortunately, the school board was forced to cut fifteen percent off all teachers." "Do you like this food? I made it from scratching!" "I like you. My other tutor won't correct my grandma." "It was so exciting to watch! The cheerleaders threw up high into the air." "Rain makes old cars lust. So be careful about that. Once a car starts lusting, there's no way to stop it." "You can't sleep with me because it is too crowded. But you can probably sleep with my sister. That's what most of my friends do when they visit. I fell in love with her the first time I sawed her. He had such a worm heart. We were two sheeps passing in the night. We have hated each other for so long. I want to borrow the hatchet. My dentist makes me blush twice a day. I don't know if he will propose, but I am expecting. I have something exciting to tell you. My girlfriend and I got enraged last night! The groom was wearing a very nice croissant. I think she is really glad she got marinated. An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Taquita Lashay Watson, 29, Pensacola Caregiver Assaulted Bedridden 106-Year-Old Woman With A "Sexual Instrument" Reported by the Smoking Gun A female caregiver was arrested today and charged with sexually assaulting a 106-year-old woman in her care, according to cops. Taquita Lashay Watson, 29, had been providing in-home care to the bedridden victim, according to the Pensacola Police Department. Investigators determined that Watson last month had "used a sexual instrument" on the elderly woman. Watson, pictured in the mug shot, was charged with sexual assault and booked into the Escambia County jail in lieu of $25,000 bond. A police report lists her employer as Interim HealthCare in Pensacola. According to a police statement, the investigation of Watson, who has worked as a caretaker for the elderly for eight years, is continuing "to determine if anyone else may have been victimized." A police report provides disturbing details of the October 26 assault of the woman, who cops described as having "no known mental health issues" and whose "mental capacity appeared to be fine." The victim told police that Watson, whom she knew as "Q", assaulted her with a six-inch "peter", that she removed from her purse along with a jar of Vaseline. The woman told police that Watson "pulled her pants and diaper down and told her that this 'would make her feel good.'" As Watson allegedly tried to assault her with the sex toy, the victim said she screamed at the caregiver to stop. Watson replied that, "all the old people like it and it makes them feel good," according to the woman's account to police. The victim said that when she started to bleed from her vagina, Watson cursed at her and said she would "get it in next time" before warning that, "if you tell anyone, I will hurt you." The victim was subsequently given a sexual assault examination which revealed "obvious signs of trauma" to her vagina, cops reported.
Tech Support Pits From: Erin Re: Lost icons on Windows 7 Dear Webby, My Windows 7 desktop keeps losing icons, not just shuffling them around. Even "Save My Desktop" is no help. What can I do to keep my icons and keep them in place? Erin Dear Erin Upgrade to XP. Yes, I know, that is probably not possible for you, but that seems to be the only way to avoid that bug in Windows 7. Some moron at Microsoft decided that since the concept of W7 was to be more blonde than VISTA, and to add cutesy gimmicks without thinking them through, they somehow rigged it so that momentarily not acessible icons get dumped. If you use an external drive and have some icons pointing to programs or folders on that drive, if a momentary power failure interrupts that drive, or if you unplug it for a moment to re-route the cables, W7 steals the icons and data for items on that drive and permanently deletes them. SMD and similar programs are powerless against such gross stupidity. They can only log the position and the names and icon files, but when W7 steals and deletes those, all that placement info is useless. Eventually somebody will write a utility to help you cope with that Windows 7 bug, or should I say concept malfunction? Desktop Restore from MidiOx helps restore icons, that Windows 7 lost during resizing or sorting, but so far nothing restores icons, that Windows deletes because of a temporarily unplugged drive. With Desktop Restore, make sure you do not have "Align Icons to Grid" checked. That function is bad news. When you download the program, use the 64 bit version for W7. If you lose this link, I have had Deasktop Restore in the Tool Box for many years. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Pillow Case as Sewing Machine Cover For an inexpensive sewing machine cover, purchase a good quality pillow case from the thrift store or yard sale. Cut and shape the bottom, fancy open end to fit your sewing machine. Sew across the edge you just cut. You can add lace or whatever you like to embellish it. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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I came in to work early the other day and began hanging upside down from the ceiling. Just then one of my co-workers came in and asked me what I'm doing. "Shh," I said, " I'm a light bulb -- I'm acting crazy to get a few days off, as there is an out of town wedding I need to go to until Tuesday. ." A minute later the Boss walked by and asked me what I was doing. "I'm a light bulb!" I exclaimed. "You're going crazy," he said. "Take a few days off, and come back when you are de-stressed” With that, I jumped down and started walking out. My co-worker started following me and the Boss asked where she was going. I can't work in the dark," she said.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
When our dryer broke, my husband set to work. He found the problem quickly and, since he needed to replace the belt, decided to repair a cracked knob and a broken hinge too. Upon arrival at the Sears parts counter, he said he needed a belt, knob, hinge, and a crescent-shaped wire he'd found inside the dryer. He didn't know where it belonged, but he confidently assured the clerk that he could figure it out once he got into the job. "I have the other parts," the clerk said, "but for the wire you have to go to Lingerie. This is an underwire from your wife's bra."
» Underwater Museum


Today in 
1526 Jews are expelled from Pressburg Hungary
1720 Rabbi Yehuda Hasid synagogue set afire 
1799 Napoleon becomes dictator (1st consul) of France
1862 US Grant issues orders to bar Jews from serving
1872 Fire destroys nearly 1,000 buildings in Boston
1913 Storm "Freshwater Fury" sinks 8 ore-carriers on Great Lakes
1918 Kaiser Wilhelm II abdicates after German defeat in WW I 
1923 Beer Hall Putsch-NAZIs fail
1927 Giant Panda discovered, China 
1932 Hurricane storm wave sweeps over Santa Cruz del Sur 
   Cuba kills 2,500 
1938 "Kristallnacht" (Crystal Night)-Nazi stormtroopers 
   attacked Jews
1961 PGA eliminates Caucasians only rule
1984 Vietnam Veterans Memorial ("3 Servicemen") completed 
1989 East Berlin opens its borders
1990 President Bush announces DOUBLING of US forces in Gulf 
2012  smiled


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Lost Addressbar 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, November 8

Election commercials are finished, and Christmas commercials
ready to start any day now. Shoppers DrugMart tried to start 
them already, and got a lot of bad PR over that. There was 
so much bitching and complaining, that they decided to cut 
the Christmas music in the stores and promised to keep it
off until December 1st. They will be playing non-denominational
elevator music until then. As far as I am concerned, I would 
be quite happy if they eleiminated the noise and reserved
Christmas music for the last two weeks of shopping frenzy. 

Have FUN!
Dear Webby


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Anger makes dull men witty, but it keeps them poor. --- Elizabeth I It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly American criminal class except Congress. --- Mark Twain Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows. --- David T. Wolf
Friendship Between Women: A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a girlfriend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it. Friendship Between Men: A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a buddy's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there.
Two daughters had been given parts in a Christmas pageant at their Church. At dinner that night, they got into an argument as to who had the most important role. Finally, the 10-year-old said to her younger sister, "Well you just ask Mom. She'll tell you it's much harder to be a virgin than it is to be an angel!"
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Yes, I know, YOU never fart, but is there some ol fart you know, who would benefit from this eBook? Cure Flatulence
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Shena Hardin, 32, in Cleveland, Ohio Ohio woman who drove on sidewalk to avoid school bus ordered to wear 'idiot' sign Reported by Lillemor A woman caught on camera driving on a sidewalk to avoid a Cleveland school bus that was unloading children will have to stand at an intersection wearing a sign warning about idiots. Court records show a Cleveland Municipal Court judge on Monday ordered 32-year-old Shena Hardin to stand at an intersection for two days next week. She will have to wear a sign saying: "Only an idiot drives on the sidewalk to avoid a school bus." The judge ordered her to wear the sign from 7:45 a.m. to 8:45 a.m. both days. Hardin's license was suspended for 30 days and she was ordered to pay $250 in court costs.
Tech Support Pits From: Louise Re: Lost Address Bar Dear Webby, The place on my home page where I type urls to get on the Internet is gone. How do I get it back. Thank you. Louise Dear Louise In the browser, click on VIEW TOOLBARS and put a checkmark on ADDRESS BAR Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Attach Pull Tab To Driver's License When you go to the store and write a check. They want your drivers license, but it's hard to take out of the slot. Put a strip of scotch tape on the end to make a tab. Now you have a pull. Source: A gal came in the store and had it done. Great idea! By Vi M. from Mobridge, SD Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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Thanks to Sandie for this:
June 2012 Statistics On Airport Screening
From The Department Of Homeland Security:
Terrorists Discovered 0
Transvestites 2,330
Hernias 4,750
Hemorrhoid Cases 6,420
Enlarged Prostates 8,249
Breast implants 3,593,500
Natural Blondes 13
It was also discovered that 535 traveling members of Congress had no balls. Thought you'd like to know. Once this gets out, the fancy X-Ray portals will probably get scrapped.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A wife and husband both talked in their sleep. She loved auctions; whle his hobby was golf. The other night, during a deep sleep, the man yelled, 'Fore!' His wife, also in a deep sleep and not missing a beat, yelled back, 'Four Fifty!'
» Holland Harvest


Today in 
1631 Pierre Gassendi observes transit of Mercury predicted by Kepler
1789 Bourbon Whiskey, 1st distilled from corn (by Elijah Craig, Bourbon KY) 
1793 Louvre in Paris, opens
1885 Canadian Pacific Railway completed at Craigellachie
1889 Montana admitted as 41st state
1895 Wilhelm Rontgen discovers X-rays
1917 British capture Gaza Palestine from the Turks 
1917 October Revolution (Oct 26 OS) in Russia, Lenin seizes power
1918 Goddard demonstrates tube-launched solid propellant rockets
1944 25,000 Hungarian Jews are loaned to the Nazis for forced labor
1962 Richard Nixon quits politics-You won't have Nixon to kick around
1966 Movie actor Ronald Reagan elected governor of California
1972 President Nixon (R) re-elected defeating George McGovern (D)
1980 Voyager 1 space probe discovers 15th moon of Saturn 
1982 Liz Taylor's 7th divorce (John Warner) 
1985 Colombian troops end 27-hr siege of Bogota's Palace of Justice
1990 100,000 additional US troops are sent to the Persian gulf
1990 Saddam fires his army chief & threatens to destroy Arabian peninsula 
2012  smiled


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Swapping monitors 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, November 5

Thank you Professor Bill!

While you read this, I will be on the way to Calgary for 
more injections into the eyes. There won't be a Tuesday 
issue, and possibly not Wednesday either.

The US Government ruled that you lose all your property rights 
by storing your data on the cloud. After they shut down 
Megaupload's service they denied third parties access to their 
own files. Many businesses used Megaupload's cloud service 
to store and share files not related to piracy. They used it 
for traveling employees to up- or download files without 
jeopardizing security at their own server, in case a laptop
was lost or stolen.

This seems to apply to Amazon's S3 or Google Apps or Apple 
iCloud services as well, and could lead to some very high
profile court cases. If you used Megaupload to store the 
pictures of your wedding for all your friends and overseas 
relatives to download, it will be cheaper to get married again, 
than to fight the feds over those pictures. 

If you are planning to use the cloud for a common repository,
get your own domain! I can secure a domain name for you
for $10 a year, and $4.50 a month will cover the hosting.
Then YOU are in control and the feds can't take your files,
as long as you stay reasonably close to the law.

Have FUN!
Dear Webby


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Fortune does not change men, it unmasks them. --- Suzanne Necker For a list of all the ways technology has failed to improve the quality of life, please press three. --- Alice Kahn Politicians can do more funny things naturally than I can think of to do purposely" --- Will Rogers
"Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's women's job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something with which you'd like to have dinner with." "Women are like fine wine. They all start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind and then turn full-bodied with age until they go all sour and vinegary and give you a headache."
A Minnesota Story All of his life Olle had heard stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 21st birthday. On that day, they'd walk across the lake to the boat club for their first legal drink. So when Olle's 21st birthday came around, he and his pal Corky took a boat out to the middle of the lake. Olle stepped out of the boat and nearly drowned! Corky just managed to pull him to safety. Furious and confused, Olle went to see his grandmother. "Grandma, it's my 21st birthday, so why can't I walk across the lake like my father, his father, and his father before him?" Granny looked into Olle's eyes and said, "Because, you dumb ass, your father, grandfather and great grandfather were born in January, you were born in December, when the lake is not frozen yet."
Eating For Energy - The Ultimate Energy Diet If you want to jump out of bed and soar through your days with boundless energy, avoid that dreaded afternoon lull, create a slim body that is resistant to disease, and have a much easier time using healthy and delicious foods into your diet, then this will be the most important message you ever read. Start Eating for Energy!

Click on the picture for the large version Dragon Falls, Venezuela
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Yes, I know, YOU never fart, but is there somebody you know, who would benefit from this eBook? Cure Flatulence
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Elzbieta Plackowska, 40, Naperville, IL Stabbed two children more than 150 times Reported by The Weekly Vice lzbieta Plackowska, a 40-year-old Illinois woman has been charged with murder after she allegedly told two young children to get on their knees and pray before stabbing them more than 150 times. That is premeditated first degree murder. According to Naperville police, Plackowska became enraged when her father passed away in Poland and her husband wasn't keen on the idea of moving back to the homeland to be closer to him. In retaliation, Plackowska sought revenge on her husband by stabbing to death her own 7-year-old son and a 5-year-old girl she had agreed to babysit. Investigators say Plackowska walked into a bedroom where her son and the little girl were busy jumping on a bed. Plackowska allegedly told her son that he was about to go to heaven before ordering him and the little girl to get on their knees and pray. Following a short prayer, Plackowska produced a knife and stabbed her son more than 100 times as he pleaded for his life and told her that he loved her. Plackowska then turned to the 5-year-old girl who begged for her life. Plackowska allegedly stabbed the little girl more than 50 times. She later told police that she stabbed the little girl to death because the girl was a witness to a crime. Following the stabbings, Plackowska fled to a nearby church before making her way to a relative's home. The relative called police after Plackowska arrived at the home drenched in blood. During a police interview, Plackowska first told officers that a stalker had broken into her town home and stabbed the children to death. A short time later she changed her story and stated that she heard voices from the devil and killed the children to save their souls. Eventually, Plackowska told detectives that she stabbed the children because she was angry with her husband and wanted to hurt him the way he had hurt her. When investigators entered Plackowska's home, they found her deceased son laying on the floor and the deceased girl laying on a bed. Two dogs were also found dead near the childrens' bodies. Plackowska reportedly came to the United States from Poland 12 years ago and wanted to move back. Her husband was against the idea. Police were dispatched to the grisly scene after Plackowska's older son called 911. Plackowska's husband works as a truck driver and was reportedly out of town when the murders took place. Plackowska was booked into jail and charged with two counts of first-degree murder. Bail has been denied in the case, since she will probably wind up on death row.
Tech Support Pits From: Lynn Re: Swapping Monitors Dear Webby, Love your newsletter! How hard is it to change monitors? I'm using a 2-yr-old, medium-quality 17" flat-panel model on my WinXP PC now and somebody gave me a brand new Dell 17" flat-panel monitor along with the User Documentation disc. Would it be very hard for a mostly computer-illiterate like me to do? --Lynn Dear Lynn The biggest challenge is opening the cardboard box and taking the new monitor out. Cut the tape on top, open the flaps all the way and tape them to the side. Take out any paperwork and styrofoam stuff. Turn the box upside down. Lift the box off the monitor. Lift the monitor from the floor or table to where you want it to be. Then the fancy electical work: Unplug the cables at the old monitor. Knock the old monitor onto the floor or onto a soft easy chair. Push the new monitor in place. Plug the old cables into the new monitor. That's all there is to it. You can't plug the cables in wrong, there is only one way they will fit. Windows will recognize the monitor and adjust accordingly. I doubt that you have to run the CD, since the old one is also a flat panel LCD monitor. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Pancake Batter in Squeeze Bottle Use an empty squeeze bottle like a ketchup or syrup bottle. Mix your pancake batter according to your box instructions. Add it to your squeeze bottle with a funnel. Then put it into the fridge the night before, and have pancakes for breakfast. No rush or mess! By coville123 from Brockville Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote all in one place, without having to go there separately for each..

5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff, that you won't keep up anyway." These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process, reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body. Give "Old School - New Body" a try!

>From Ed Because I had forgotten the dates for a number of my friends' and relatives' birthdays and anniversaries, I decided to compile a list on the computer and have the dates highlighted on screen when the machine was turned on. I went to a number of computer stores to find a software program that would do the job but had no luck at the first few. I finally found one where the clerk seemed experienced. "Can you recommend something that will remind me of birthdays and anniversaries?" I asked. "Have you tried a wife?" he replied.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Gorilla Removers". He calls the number, and the gorilla remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes. The gorilla remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull. "What are you going to do?" the homeowner asks. "I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and knock the gorilla off the roof with this baseball bat. When the gorilla falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The gorilla will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van." So the guy puts the ladder up, gets the bat and the shotgun and walks towards the ladder. As he gets to the base of the ladder, he hands the shotgun to the homeowner. "What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner. "If the gorilla knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog!"
» The Bus Stops Here!


Today in 
1414 Council of Constance (16th ecumenical council) opens)
1492 Christopher Columbus learns of maize (corn) from the 
   Indians of Cuba
1605 Gunpowder Plot; Catholics try to blow up English 
  Parliament. Plot uncovered & leader Guy Fawkes hanged 
1895 1st US patent granted for auto (George B Selden) 
1914 Britain annexes Cyprus 
1955 New Vienna Opera house opens (old one had been bombed)
1956 Britain & France land forces in Egypt 
1967 ATS-3 launched by US to take 1st pictures of full Earth disk 
1987 Iceberg twice the size of Rhode Island sighted in Antarctic 
2012  smiled


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Do Not Cll list for cellphones 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, November 4

Monday morning I have to go to Calgary for more injections 
into the eyes. There probably won't be a Tuesday issue, and 
possibly not Wednesday either.

Check your clocks! The US and Canada are now in sync with
the rest of the world. Your computer updated automatically,
but your stove and your alarm clock didn't.

>From Tom:
Roon Serbis (Ruin Sorbees)
From the fertile mind of Shelly Berman back in the early 60s.
I thought maybe you would like to give Mr Berman credit.
Tom

Thanks Tom
All these years I did not realize that Holiday Inn employees 
were just pretending to be Shelly Berman fans and not 
really talking with a certain accent. Actually, I have not 
been at a Holiday Inn for over a dozen years. 

Where do your donations go?

Have FUN!
Dear Webby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The right to be heard does not include the right to be taken seriously. --- Hubert H. Humphrey Punctuality is one of the cardinal business virtues: always insist on it in your subordinates. --- Don Marquis Everything is funny as long as it is happening to someone else --- Will Rogers Beware of the young doctor and the old barber. --- Benjamin Franklin It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married. --- Robert Frost
Danny said to his son, "It's time we had a little talk my son. Soon you will have urges and feelings you've never had before. Your heart will pound and your hands will sweat. You'll be preoccupied and won't be able to think of anything else." "But don't worry, it's perfectly normal, it's called golf." ----------------------- Hmmm, missed that one. I thought he was going to say "Women!". With me, they made sure I never had time for golf.
An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church services when she was startled by an intruder. She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38!" (Repent and be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven.) The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, "Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you." "Scripture?" replied the burglar. "She said she had an axe and two 38's!"
Eating For Energy - The Ultimate Energy Diet If you want to jump out of bed and soar through your days with boundless energy, avoid that dreaded afternoon lull, create a slim body that is resistant to disease, and have a much easier time using healthy and delicious foods into your diet, then this will be the most important message you ever read. Start Eating for Energy!

Click on the picture for the large version Dragon Falls, Venezuela
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Yes, I know, YOU never fart, but is there somebody you know, who would benefit from this eBook? Cure Flatulence
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Two timid Mexican smugglers Mexican Smugglers too timid Reported by The Smoking Gun A harebrained attempt by suspected smugglers to drive a Jeep Cherokee up and over a U.S.-Mexico border fence failed early Tuesday when the vehicle got stuck atop the 14-foot tall barrier. As seen above, the teetering SUV was spotted by U.S. Border Patrol agents after it had been driven up a makeshift ramp, but could not complete the trip’s final leg into Arizona. When agents approached the vehicle, two individuals on the fence's Mexican side fled. Investigators suspect that the Jeep likely contained narcotics, which were offloaded when the vehicle became stuck. Obviously the Jeep had been driven way too slow and did not jump over the kink, a basic challenge in off-road truck rodeos.
Tech Support Pits From: Kay Re: Do Not Call Cellphone list Dear Webby, thanks again for all your humor, pictures and computer help. I have been receiving a number to get on a do not call list for cell phones: 1-888-3821-1222 I don't know if this number is legit or not. Hope you can help. Thank you Kay Dear Kay Looks like you got a 1 too many It should be: 1-888-382-1222 More info is at their new site: https://www.donotcall.gov/ Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Pancake Batter in Squeeze Bottle Use an empty squeeze bottle like a ketchup or syrup bottle. Mix your pancake batter according to your box instructions. Add it to your squeeze bottle with a funnel. Then put it into the fridge the night before, and have pancakes for breakfast. No rush or mess! By coville123 from Brockville Box instructions? Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote all in one place, without having to go there separately for each..

5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff, that you won't keep up anyway." These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process, reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body. Give "Old School - New Body" a try!

>From Bob I have recently been diagnosed with AAADD - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. This is how it goes... I decide to do work on the car, I start to the garage and notice the mail on the table. OK, I'm going to work on the car... BUT FIRST... I'm going to go through the mail. Lay car keys down on desk. After discarding the junk mail, I notice the trash can is full. OK, I'll just put the bills on my desk.... BUT FIRST... I'll take the trash out, but since I'm going to be near the mailbox, I'll address a few bills.... Yes. Now, where is the checkbook? Oops.. there's only one check left. Where did I put the extra checks? Oh, there is my empty plastic cup from last night on my desk. I'm going to look for those checks... BUT FIRST... I need to put the cup back in the kitchen. I head for the kitchen, look out the window, notice the flowers need a drink of water, I put the cup on the counter and there's my extra pair of glasses on the kitchen counter. What are they doing here? I'll just put them away... BUT FIRST... I need to water those plants. I head for the door and... Aaaagh! someone left the TV remote in the wrong spot. Okay, I'll put the remote away and water the plants... BUT FIRST... I need to find those checks. END OF DAY: Oil in car not changed, bills still unpaid, cup still in the sink, checkbook still has only one check left, lost my car keys,... And, when I try to figure out how come nothing got done today, I'm baffled because... I KNOW I WAS BUSY ALL DAY! I realize this condition is serious... I'd get help... BUT FIRST... I think I'll check my e-mail.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Wife to Husband: "I'll have you know that I stuck-up for you today". Husband..."Really? What happened". Wife..."Another woman at my card party said that you were so sloppy, that you wasn't fit to live with pigs. I stuck up fer you and told her that you definitely ARE!"
» Wyman Meinzer's West Texas


Today in 
1862 Gatling gun patented
1873 Dentist John Beers of San Francisco patents the gold crown 
1922 Howard Carter discovers tomb of Tutankhamen in Egypt 
1939 1st air conditioned automobile (Packard) exhibited, Chicago, Ill 
1939 US allows "cash & carry" arms sales during WW II 
1956 200,000 Russian troops attack anti-Stalinist revolt in Budapest 
1956 Israel captures Straits of Tiran from Egypt
1956 Israeli troops reach Suez Canal 
1957 2nd Soviet Earth-satellite launched
1979 500 Iranians seize US embassy, take 90 hostages (444 days) 
1991 Mid East peace conference ends in Madrid Spain
2012  smiled


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Internet Radio 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, November 3

If you are planning to donate to organizations to help
hurricane victims, keep in mind that the Red Cross does
not accept canned goods, clothing, blankets or tents.
Just cash. They have a lot of high-end executives, who
clamor to get paid.

Check out this comparison chart:
Where do your donations go?

Have FUN!
Dear Webby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. Involve me and I learn." --- Benjamin Franklin "A market is never saturated with a good product, but it is very quickly saturated with a bad one." --- Henry Ford
Room Service (RS): "Morrin. Roon sirbees." Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service." RS: "Rye..Roon sirbees..morrin! Jewish to oddor sunteen??" G: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs." RS: "Ow July den?" G: "What??" RS: "Ow July den?...pryed, boyud, poochd?" G: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please." RS: "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?" G: "Crisp will be fine." RS: "Hokay. An Sahn toes?" G: "What?" RS: "An toes. July Sahn toes?" G: "I don't think so." RS: "No? Judo wan sahn toes??" G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means." RS: "Toes! toes!...Why jew don juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?" G: "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine." RS: "We bodder?" G: "No...just put the bodder on the side." RS: "Wad?" G: "I mean butter...just put it on the side." RS: "Copy?" G: "Excuse me?" RS: "Copy...tea...meel?" G: "Yes. Coffee, please, and that's all." RS: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin we bodder on sigh and copy....rye??" G: "Whatever you say." RS: "Tendjewberrymuds." G: "You're very welcome."
A chubby young woman boards a plane to New York with a ticket for the economy section. She looks at the seat in economy and then looks into the forward cabin at the first class seats. Seeing that the first class seats appear to be much larger and more comfortable, she moves forward to the last empty one. The flight attendant checks her ticket and tells the woman that her seat is in economy. Chubby replies "I'm young and beautiful and I'm going to sit here all the way to New York." Flustered, the flight attendant goes to the cockpit and informs the captain of the problem. The captain goes back and tells the woman that her assigned seat is in economy. Again she replies "I'm young and beautiful and I'm going to sit here all the way to New York." The captain doesn't want to cause a commotion, and so returns to the cockpit to discuss the problem with the co-pilot. The co-pilot says that he has a girlfriend like that and that he can take care of the problem. He then goes back and briefly whispers something in her ear. She immediately gets up, says "thank you so much," hugs the co-pilot and rushes back to her seat in the economy section. The pilot and flight attendant, who were watching with rapt attention, together ask the co-pilot what he said to the woman. He replies "I just told her that the first class section isn't going to New York."
Eating For Energy - The Ultimate Energy Diet If you want to jump out of bed and soar through your days with boundless energy, avoid that dreaded afternoon lull, create a slim body that is resistant to disease, and have a much easier time using healthy and delicious foods into your diet, then this will be the most important message you ever read. Start Eating for Energy!

Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Yes, I know, YOU never fart, but is there somebody you know, who would benefit from this eBook? Cure Flatulence
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Joshua Stuart, 24 and Gregory Lampert, 26 in Bartok, Florida Verizon Employee Stole Woman's Naked Photos Reported by The Smoking Gun Bartow cops say Joshua Stuart, 24, who works at a cellphone store took personal nude pics from a customer's phone while transferring her data to a new device. Stuart then shared the pics with a co-worker, Gregory Lampert, 26. The duo then showed the racy photos to a customer who recognized the woman even without any clothes on, and then contacted her. The woman went to the police, who confiscated their cell phones and a computer, and arrested one and put out an arrest warrant for the other. Some judge is going to throw the book at them.
Tech Support Pits From: Regina Re: Internet radio Dear Webby You have occasionally mentioned using Internet radio. I have tried a few of them, but am not impressed. Some of them have as many comercials as the local radio stations, and are quite limited in their music selections. Which one do you use, and how much does it cost? Regina Dear Regina I use Accu Radio from http://accuradio.com They have a huge selection of channels, andyou can "ban" artists. For example, I dion't like screechers for background music while I am working, so I ban those. There are plenty of other artists. Accuradio has visual ads, but they are no problem if you got their screen running in the back, covered up by the spreadsheet or word processor, where you work. You can even browse with other browser windows open, or minimize the one with Accuradio to an icon on the task bar. It has it's own volume control, that does not affect the overall volume control. For example, I have Accuradio set as fairly quiet background music, but have the little pop-up Alarm set for maximum. Accuradio gets along fine with Skype. When a voice or video call comes in, it fades to a barely noticeable whisper, and gives full volume to Skype. There is no cost. Accuradio has always been free. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Brillo Pad Last Longer To prevent a Brillo pad from getting rusty, rinse after use then shake out all of the excess water. Make sure no more water comes out when you shake it. I even hit the pad against the sink wall a few times. The pad will last so much longer! By FI1969 from Catonsville, MD Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote all in one place, without having to go there separately for each..

5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff, that you won't keep up anyway." These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process, reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body. Give "Old School - New Body" a try!

After driving up and down several lanes, I finally found a parking spot at the shopping mall. I noticed another man driving very slowly in the same direction, and, since he was closer, I gave him the "Are you going to park there?" look. His responding gestures were very cofusing. First he shook his head. Next he pointed at me, then at the parking space and then at himself, his watch and the mall. Finishing off, he frowned, raised his palms upward and shrugged. Once I parked, I walked over to the driver to make sure he didn't want the space. "You must be single," he replied. "If you were married, you would've known that was the universal sign for 'Go ahead and take the spot. I'm waiting for my wife.'"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement -- not even her parents' nasty divorce. Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best dressed mother-of-the-bride ever! A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new young wife had bought the exact same dress! Jennifer asked her to exchange it, but she refused. "Absolutely not. I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm ! wearing it," she replied. Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, "Never mind sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day." A few days later, they went! shopping and did find another gorgeous dress. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, "Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it." Her mother just smiled and replied, "Of course I do, dear. I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding! And I'll be there early."
» Dallas Arboretum


Today in 
1394 Jews are expelled from France by Charles VI 
1679 Great panic occurs in Europe over the close approach of a comet 
1762 Spain acquires Louisiana 
1839 1st opium war-2 British frigates engage several Chinese junks 
1885 Tacoma vigilantes drive out Chinese, burn their homes
1918 Austro-Hungarian Empire dissolves
1918 Poland proclaims independence from Russia after WW I  
1927 Tropical storm flooding kills 84 in Winooski River Valley (Vt) 
1930 1st vehicular tunnel to a foreign country (Detroit-Windsor)
1931 1st commercially produced synthetic rubber manufactured 
1948 Truman beats Dewey, confounding pollsters & newspapers
1955 1st virus crystallized (announced) 
1957 USSR launches Sputnik 2 with a dog (Laika)
1973 Mariner 10 launched-1st Venus pics, 1st mission to Mercury 
1979 63 Americans taken hostage at US Embassy (Teheran, Iran) 
1984 3,000 die in 3 day anti-Sikh riot in India 
1986 Lebanese magazine Ash Shirra reveals secret US arms 
    sales to Iran 
1988 Reagan signs credit-card disclosure-bill
1988 Soviet Union agrees to allow teaching of Hebrew 
2012  smiled


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Link not working in MSN Mail 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, November 2
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



We had some nice hoar frost that lasted till mid afternoon.
No sun to light it up. Maybe tomorrow?

Have FUN!
Dear Webby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"Dictators ride to and fro upon tigers which they dare not dismount. And the tigers are getting hungry." --- Winston Churchill Happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in length. --- Robert Frost
Jason went to a psychiatrist "Nobody listens to me!" The doctor yelled: "Next!" You got to be nuts to go see a shrink!
A golfer stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity. Looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. Driving his partner nuts. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!" The guy answers, "My wife and her mother are up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot." "Forget it, man, you'll never hit her from here!"
Eating For Energy - The Ultimate Energy Diet If you want to jump out of bed and soar through your days with boundless energy, avoid that dreaded afternoon lull, create a slim body that is resistant to disease, and have a much easier time using healthy and delicious foods into your diet, then this will be the most important message you ever read. Start Eating for Energy!

Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Yes, I know, YOU never fart, but is there somebody you know, who would benefit from this eBook? Cure Flatulence
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Lisa Wagnon, 48, in Salado, Texas Jailed for Having Sex With 15-Year-Old Student Lisa Wagnon Facebook Reported by The Weekly Vice Lisa Wagnon, a 48-year-old teacher at Salado Intermediate School was jailed Thursday after she allegedly had sex with a 15-year-old student. According to the Bell County Sheriff's Office, an investigation was launched last Monday after a student told school administrators that Wagnon was having a sexual relationship with a student. School administrators questioned the alleged beneficiary, who reportedly confirmed the relationship. Investigators say Wagnon picked up the student from school, drove him to her home and had sexual intercourse with him. Detectives also obtained information from the beneficiary's Facebook profile that further substantiate the allegations. Wagnon, who worked as an elementary school reading teacher, has since resigned her position with the district. Wagnon is reportedly married with two teenage children. Wagnon turned herself in to the Travis County Jail after an arrest warrant had been published and was charged with improper relationship between educator and student. Her bond has been set at $10,000. Picking a gossipy kid and yapping on Facebook finished her career.
Tech Support Pits From: Cleta Re: MSN does not show the song video Dear Webby On my MSN mail the video would not play for me. It said i had to go to you tube to listen to it. But I do love that song. Cleta Dear Cleta That is why I added the Youtube link below it. You can also look at the Humor Letter Online. Now that day's page, of course is in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog There the Taliban at MSN can't censor your stuff. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Reuse a Bird Bath Base: Recycle that base from your broken bird bath! Many times I have rescued the bottom portions of those broken concrete bird baths that are out for the trash. Just turn them over and sink the narrow top end into the ground by using a narrow bladed shovel or a post hole digger until it is sitting stable in the dirt. The solid concrete bases can be used as a plant display stand or you can put a large clay pot saucer on the top for a bird bath. By MaryCrane from Orange Park, FL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote all in one place, without having to go there separately for each..

5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff, that you won't keep up anyway." These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process, reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body. Give "Old School - New Body" a try!

I was recently talking with a friend who bemoaned her family's lack of holiday rituals. "My family doesn't have any traditions," she complained. "We just do the same thing year after year after year."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
NASA reports that galaxies are speeding away from earth at 90,000 miles a second. What do you suppose they know that we don't?
» Dallas Arboretum


Today in 
1648 12,000 Jews massacred by Chmielnicki in Narol
1915 1st US election by proportional representation, Ashtabula, Ohio
1917 Balfour Declaration proclaims support for a Jewish state in Palestine
1947 Howard Hughes' "Spruce Goose" flies for 1st (& last) time
1948 Truman beats Dewey, confounding pollsters & newspapers
1956 Hungary appeals for UN assistance against Soviet invasion
1956 Israel captures Gaza and Sheham 
1991 Jermaine Jackson releases "Word to the Badd!!" anti Michael song
2012  smiled


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Adjust and pre-set window sizes 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, November 1

One of the fringe benefits of AccuRadio Internet radio is
seeing the info of what is playing. Right now they played
 	God Bless the U.S.A.
Artist: 	Lee Greenwood
Album: 	God Bless the U.S.A
Composer: P. Alger, G. Brooks

As I nudged the volume up, it occurred to me that
anybody singing or listeing to that, might get deprogrammed.

It is from the 80's, so if you want to refresh your memory,
here is a rendition of it on YouTube:


If that does not work in your email program, try this link:
God bless the USA

Have FUN!
Dear Webby


I moved the history column to the end.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"Great moments in science: Einstein discovers that time is actually money." --- Gary Larson
A couple phoned a neighbor to extend birthday greetings. They dialed the number and then sang "Happy Birthday" to him. But when they finished their off-key rendition, they discovered that they had dialed the wrong number. "Don't let it bother you," said a strange but amused voice. "You folks need all the practice you can get."
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at the saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on newcomers. When he left the bar some time later, he realized that his horse had been stolen. The cowboy rushed back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking, and then fired a shot into the ceiling. "Who stole my horse!" he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered. "I'm gonna have another beer and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I'm finished, I'm gonna do what I did back in Texas. And let me tell you, I don't wanna have to do what I did back in Texas!" Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The cowboy had another beer, then walked outside to find his horse was back. So, he saddled up and prepared to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and said, "Say partner, what happened in Texas anyway?" The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home!"
Eating For Energy - The Ultimate Energy Diet If you want to jump out of bed and soar through your days with boundless energy, avoid that dreaded afternoon lull, create a slim body that is resistant to disease, and have a much easier time using healthy and delicious foods into your diet, then this will be the most important message you ever read. Start Eating for Energy!

Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

It is fun to fart some of the time, but there definitely are times, when it is better not to. Cure Flatulence
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Briana Motley, 19, in Dallas, Texas Jailed After Dropping Infant On Head While Fleeing Store Security Reported by The Weekly Vice Briana Motley, a 19-year-old Texas woman was jailed after she dropped her baby daughter on her head while fleeing store security personnel who was attempting to stop her for shoplifting. According to police, security officers at a Macy's department store stopped Motley in the parking lot after she shoplifted several items and then left the store without paying the merchandise. Investigators say security officers watched Motley as she pushed a baby stroller around the store with a baby inside. Motley was also observed stuffing jeans, shirts, sweaters, leggings and other merchandise into the stroller before exiting the store. When security officers made contact with Motley, she responded by grabbing the baby and attempting to flee the scene. The escape attempt was short lived when Motley reportedly dropped the infant on her head. Paramedics called to the scene treated the baby for a lump on the forehead. Motley was booked into the Dallas County Jail and charged with theft and injury to a child.
Tech Support Pits From: Ginger Re: Resize Windows Dear Webby I think you covered this before but I cannot remember what the trick was to make sure all the windows I open are maximized. For some reason, about 2 weeks ago, all the new windows I want to open come up minimized and I have to click to enlarge them.... Thanks for your help – I always enjoy your computer tips. Ginger Dear Ginger Which browser are you using? Which Operating System are you using? XP or W7? Normally that problem occurs only when you use Internet Explorer. All the others have solved that problem. By the way, "Minimized" means all you have is an icon on the task bar, "Maximized" is when a program fills the entire screen so that no other program peeks through on the side or above or below it. "Just Right" is when a program is open big enough to comfortably use it, but leaves a margin open on the side or top or bottom, where you see other icons or other programs, or when you use two or more programs side by side, for example a browser and an email program. "Just Right" is achieved with the bigger square at the top right corner of a window, or by double-clicking the top bar. Normally programs open again to the same "Just Right" size and location the next time you open them. "Just right" is the safest method. That way you can usually see it, when a site opens something behind the top window. Have FUN! DearWebby sorry – I am using Windows 7 Home Premium, 64 bit with Internet Explorer. What I mean by "minimized"¯ is that the screens that open are about 3x3"¯ – too small to do anything with until I maximize them. I would like them to open maximized.... thanks, Ginger Dear Ginger 3 x 3 is not minimized. Minimized is OFF the screen and just an icon on the task bar. Simply grab the edges of a 3 x 3 window and drag it to the size you want, for example almost full screen with just some icons peeking around it's edge. Then it is "Just Right" ( NOT Maximized!) Don't use the square at the right top for that, or double- clicking on the top bar. Do it by dragging the edges of the window. THEN close that program, and re-open it. It will open in the same size and position it was in, when you closed it. That method does not work with Windows Media Player. Microsoft programs are often not compatible with Windows. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Using Disposable Tablecloths to Wrap Large Items When wrapping larger Christmas gifts, instead of using a lot of wrapping paper and tape, buy a holiday tablecloth (Dollar Store or equivalent), and tie it at the top with ribbon. It works wonderfully! This can be done with any holiday or birthday present and is such a time saver. By Dreamwvr from Spokane, WA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote all in one place, without having to go there separately for each..

5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff, that you won't keep up anyway." These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process, reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body. Give "Old School - New Body" a try!

The recreational director of a mental hospital wanted to take a well-behaved group of inmates to a baseball game. The General Manager of the club was a little leery of this. When the Recreational Director said: "If I prove to you how well behaved they are, will you let them in?" The General Director agreed. The group of inmates came in and sat down. The Recreational Director shouted: "Stand up, nuts!" Everyone stood up. "Sit down, nuts!" Everyone sat down. "Look behind you, nuts!" Everyone turned around. Pleased with that, the General Manager let them in. About the third inning or so, he heard a tremendous commotion. People were running helter skelter. He asked what happened and was told that someone had called out: "PEA NUTS!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Work Phrases Explained Activate: Spellcheck and add more names to the memo. Advanced Design: Beyond the comprehension of the ad agency's copywriters. All New: Parts not interchangeable with existing models. Approved: Needs revising Automatic: Not repairable by user Channels: The trails left by interoffice memos. Clarify: To fill in the background with so many details that the foreground goes underground. Conference: A place where conversation is substituted for the loneliness of thought and the dreariness of labor. Confidential Memo: No time to photocopy for the whole office. Consultant: Someone who borrows your watch to tell you what time it is and then walks away with the watch. Forwarded For Your Consideration: You hold the bag for a while. FYI: Found yesterday, interested? In Conference: Nobody can find him/her. Let's Get Together On This: I'm assuming you're as confused as I. Note & Initial: I'm not taking the fall for this myself. Policy: We can hide behind this. Please See Me: Come down to my office. I'm lonely/bored. Top Priority: It is rather stupid, but the boss wants it. We Are Taking A Survey: We need more time to think of an answer/excuse or we can't find anyone willing to be responsible for this. Will Advise In Due Course: If we figure it out, we'll let you know.
» Rush Hour Nightmares


Today in 
79 Pompei buried by Mt Vesuvius 
1210 King John of England begins imprisoning Jews 
1512 Michelangelo's paintings on ceiling of Sistine Chapel
1755 Lisbon earthquake kills more than 50,000
1894 Vaccine for diphtheria announced by Dr Roux of Paris
1922 Ottoman Empire abolished 
1928 Graf Zeppelin sets airship distance record of 6384 km 
1932 Wernher von Braun named head of German 
   liquid-fuel rocket program
1939 1st jet plane, Heinkel He 178
1951 1st atomic explosion witnessed by troops, NM 
1952 1st H-Bomb exploded at Eniwetok Atoll
1956 Nagy government of Hungary withdraws from Warsaw Pact 
1962 Greece enters the European Common Market 
1963 Revolt against the Diem regime in South Vietnam
1979 Federal government made $1.5 billion loan to Chrysler
1979 Tanker Burmah Agate off Galveston Bay, Texas, spills 10.7 M
  gallons of oil, in US's worst oil spill disaster 
1990 Sandra Miller awarded $100 for Mike Tyson fondling her
   breasts
2012  smiled


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Boss key 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, October 31
Happy Halloween!

Have FUN!
Dear Webby

Today in 
1517 Luther posts 95 theses on Wittenberg church-
   Protestant Reformation 
1815 Sir Humphrey Davy of London patents miner's safety lamp 
1952 1st thermonuclear bomb (H-Bomb) detonated-Marshall Islands 
1954 Algerian Revolution against French begins 
1956 Britain & France begin to bomb Egypt to reopen the Suez Canal
1968 President Johnson orders a halt to all bombing of North Vietnam 
1984 Puerto Rican tanker, San Francisco explodes spilling 2 million 
   gallons of oil as the ship caught fire
1987 A pair in Coventry, England ties the world record for the longest 
   singles tennis match at 80 hrs 21 minutes 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Life is just one damned thing after another. --- Elbert Hubbard Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others. --- Ambrose Bierce
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."
>From Rosie Dear Webby, a few years ago you had a hilarious diary of a snow shoveler. Have you still got it, and could please you print it again ? Rosie Sure, Rosie! Here it is: Diary of a Snow Shoveler: December 8: 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow! December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life! December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man I'm glad he's our neighbor. December 14: Snow lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway And sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. l didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish l wouldn't huff and puff so. December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all. December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my rear end on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like you can't believe. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel. December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room. December 20: Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. That dumb snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. December 21: Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying. December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white crud fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to use the bathroom. By the time I got undressed, went, and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I'm sure he is lying. December 23: Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she nuts?!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying. December 24: 6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a gun who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his ears. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was busy watching for that snowplow. December 25: Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the miserable slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's an idiot. If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to scream! December 26: Still snowed in. Why did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves. December 27: Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze. December 28: Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. THE B***CH is driving me crazy!!!!! December 29: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am? December 30: Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a million dollars. The wife went home to her mother. Nine more inches of snow predicted. December 31: Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling. January 8: I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
Eating For Energy - The Ultimate Energy Diet If you want to jump out of bed and soar through your days with boundless energy, avoid that dreaded afternoon lull, create a slim body that is resistant to disease, and have a much easier time using healthy and delicious foods into your diet, then this will be the most important message you ever read. Start Eating for Energy!

Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Peacock Decor Jaipur India
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

It is fun to fart some of the time, but there definitely are times, when it is better not to. Cure Flatulence
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Jayme Sanders, 33, in Williamston, S.C. PTO President jailed for screwing daughter's boyfriend for 5 months Reported by The Weekly Vice Jayme Sanders, a 33-year-old Parent Teacher Organization (PTO) president, has been jailed after she allegedly had sex repeatedly with a 14-year-old student. According to Williamston Police, an investigation began last month when the boy's mother reported the alleged relationship. Investigators say Sanders met the boy when he became friends with her teenage daughter. Some time in April of this year, Sanders reportedly began having sex with the boy. The alleged sexual relationship continued for 5 months. Police believe the sexual encounters took place at Sanders home and inside a portable classroom at Palmetto Middle School where Sanders is the PTO president. Sanders is also a former substitute teacher at West Pelzer Elementary School. Sanders was booked into jail and charged with criminal sexual conduct with a minor.
Tech Support Pits From: Bonnie Re: Boss Key Dear Webby I have a really incompetent department boss, who is paranoid that everybody might be goofing around instead of working as much as she probably is. For my work I DO have to look things up, but if she walks by and sees something, that does not look boring, she stops and asks all kinds of dumb questions and just wastes my time. At one time you mentioned a key combo, that quickly hides what you are doing, but I forgot what it is and how to set it up. Can you please tell me again? Thanks Bonnie Dear Bonnie First open your most tedious looking spreadsheet to full screen size. Hit the Print Screen button to print it to memory, then jump to a graphics program and paste it as a new image. CTRL V works for that in standard programs. Save that to a place, that you can find easily. Browse to it with the FILE Explorer. Right-click it, and select: Set as background. OK, now your computer is primed and ready. When Ms Snoop waddles into sight, hold down the Windows key and hit D. All program screens instantly close, showing your desktop, which is a picture of a spreadsheet. Stare at the picture of the spreadsheet with furrowed brow, as if YOU are about to ask stupid questions. When the coast is clear, hit the Windows key and D again, and everything is miraculously restored. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Recycle Plastic Lemons as a Vase I emptied this little lemon juice container and thought of using it for my kitchen counter with a few fresh flowers from the yard. I usually have something blooming year round, so a bloom or two brightens my day. Source: On a quest to recycle. By Great Granny Vi from Moorpark, CA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote all in one place, without having to go there separately for each..

5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff, that you won't keep up anyway." These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process, reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body. Give "Old School - New Body" a try!

"Periodic Elements" Valuable scientific data. Two proposed new additions to the periodic table (from Chemistry class)elements: Element Name: WOMAN Symbol: WO Atomic Weight: (don't even go there) Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze at any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if mishandled. Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity with gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Volatile when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a shinier specimen. Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known. Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands. Element Name: MAN Symbol: XY Atomic Weight: (180+/-50) Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples. Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with KD (Element: Child)for prolonged period of time. Neutralize by saturating with alcohol. Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good specimens are able to produce large quantities on command. Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
On their way to a justice of the peace to get married, a couple has a fatal car accident. The couple is sitting outside heavens gate waiting on St. Peter to do the paperwork so they can enter. While waiting, they wonder if they could possibly get married in heaven. St. Peter finally shows up and they ask him. St. Peter says, "I don't know, this is the first time anyone has ever asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves. The couple sit for a few months and begin to wonder if they really should get married in Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all. What if it doesn't work out?" they wonder. "Are we stuck together forever?" St. Peter returns after yet another month, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, "you can get married in Heaven." "Great," says the couple, "but what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" exclaims the frightened couple. "Good Grief!" St. Peter exclaims, "It took me NINE months to find a priest up here! It would take me damn near as long to find a lawyer!"
» Droplets of paint


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How to make a Hibernate shortcut? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, October 30

>From Nan
Bob will be doing "The Alex Jones Show" tomorrow, 
Oct 30 at 12 noon Pacific time. He will be speaking about 
Weather Control. Bob testified before the US Senate in 1995 
regarding Weather Control (and other things) ..and they 
mocked him...A few years ago the Congress  initiated a bill
 to control weather manipulation as a weapon 
Who was right??? If you cannot listen at that time ..it will be 
on again on the Alex's website and it usually hits you-tube also!        
http://www.infowars.com/

Nan and Bob have been subscribers for many years.
If you are interested or concerned about weather control
and chem-trails, listen to Bob!

Have FUN!
Dear Webby

Today in 
1270 8th & last crusade is launched
1864 Helena, Montana's capital, founded 
1888 1st ballpoint pen patented 
1905 "October Manifesto" Russian Tsar Nicholas II grants civil liberties
1930 Turkey & Greece sign a treaty of friendship
1938 Orson Welles panics a nation with broadcast of "War of the Worlds" 
1948 20 die & 6,000 made ill by smog in Donora Pennsylvania
1961 Soviet Union tests a 58 megaton hydrogen bomb
1967 USSR Kosmos 186 & 188 make 1st automatic docking
1980 Honduras & El Salvador settle their boundary dispute
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Life is just one damned thing after another. -=- Elbert Hubbard The most erroneous stories are those we think we know best - and therefore never scrutinize or question. --- Stephen Jay Gould
A man was on his way home with a new car, which was absorbing all his attention, when it struck him that he had forgotten something. Twice he stopped, counted his parcels, searched his pockets, but finally decided he had everything with him. Yet the feeling persisted. When he reached home his daughter ran out, stopped short, and cried: "Daddy, where's Mommy?"
That evening a group of parishioners came to visit. The preacher and his wife began to show off the dog, having him locate several Bible verses. The visitors were amazed. Finally, one man asked, "Can he do normal dog tricks too?" "Let's see" said the preacher. Pointing his finger at the dog, he commanded "Heel!" The dog immediately jumped up on a chair, placed one paw on the preacher's forehead and began to howl. The preacher turned to his wife and exclaimed "Good grief, we've bought a Pentecostal dog!"
Eating For Energy - The Ultimate Energy Diet If you want to jump out of bed and soar through your days with boundless energy, avoid that dreaded afternoon lull, create a slim body that is resistant to disease, and have a much easier time using healthy and delicious foods into your diet, then this will be the most important message you ever read. Start Eating for Energy!

Thanks to Sexy Sass C for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Vermont Fall
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

It is fun to fart some of the time, but there definitely are times, when it is better not to. Cure Flatulence
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Rose Woolbright, 30, Bowling Green, Kentucky Rose Woolbright - Mother Jailed After Pimping Out Underage Daughter For Cash Reported by The Weekly Vice Rose Marie Woolbright, a 30-year-old Kentucky woman was jailed Thursday after she allegedly pimped out her 13-year-old daughter to two men in exchange for money. According to Warren County Prosecutors, Woolbright allegedly allowed two men to engage in sex acts with a 13-year-old girl in exchange for cash. Investigators say the two men, on one occasion, had a threesome with the girl and videotaped the encounter. The case marks the first time an arrest like this has been made in Warren County and is only the 13th such incident in the state of Kentucky. Woolbright was booked into jail and charged with human trafficking, unlawful transaction with a minor and second- degree sodomy. The two men involved in the alleged incidents were also arrested and charged. Chad Simmons, 37, was charged with two counts of sodomy and two counts of first-degree unlawful transaction with a minor. Pedro Diaz, 28, was charged with second-degree rape. The case will now be presented to a grand jury for indictment.
Tech Support Pits From: Jorge Re: How do I make that Hibernate shortcut Dear Webby Thank you for the info about hibernating your computer: "If you want, you can even make a shortcut icon for Hibernation: Target: C:\Windows\System32\rundll32.exe powrprof.dll,SetSuspendState 0,1,0 Start In: C:\Windows\System32 " So how do I apply that? What are the mechanics? Do I put the code in a text file? Then what? How does one activate a shortcut? Sorry to be so dense on the subject, but I just have never gotten into that before! Thanks! Best personal regards, Jorge Dear Jorge Sorry, I should have been a bit more specific. Right-click on the Desktop NEW Shortcut then into: "Location of the item" paste: C:\Windows\System32\rundll32.exe powrprof.dll,SetSuspendState 0,1,0 Next Type Hiber or something like that for the icon title Finish If you want, change the icon. That's all there is to it. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Recycle Plastic Lemons as a Vase I emptied this little lemon juice container and thought of using it for my kitchen counter with a few fresh flowers from the yard. I usually have something blooming year round, so a bloom or two brightens my day. Source: On a quest to recycle. By Great Granny Vi from Moorpark, CA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote all in one place, without having to go there separately for each..

5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff, that you won't keep up anyway." These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process, reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body. Give "Old School - New Body" a try!

From Sheila in Oz "It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?" "Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Here is a delightful Classic: The Heberts were unable to conceive children, and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Hebert kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon". Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. Good morning madam. I've come to...." "Oh, no need to explain. Come in," Mrs. Hebert cut in. "Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! My specialty is babies." "That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat." After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?" Photographer - "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too. You can really spread out!" Wife - "Bathtub, couch, bed, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for my husband and me." Photographer - "Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But! if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results." Wife - "My, my, that's a lot of...." Photographer - "Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure." (Wife muttering)- "Don't I know it." The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus." Wife - "Oh my goodness!" Photographer - "And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with." Wife - "She was difficult?" Photographer - "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look." Wife - "Four and five deep?" (eyes wide in amazement). Photographer - "Yes, and for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate! Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in." Wife (leaning forward) - "You mean they actually chewed on your.....equipment?" Photographer - "That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work." Wife - "Tripod?" photographer - "Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold very long. Madam? Madam? Good Lord, she's fainted!"
» Equine A-plenty


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Sleep or turn off? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, October 29

Have FUN!
Dear Webby

Today in 
539 -BC- Babylon falls to Cyrus the Great of Persia
1682 William Penn lands in what will become Pennsylvania
1727 Severe earthquake in New England 
1811 1st Ohio River steamboat leaves Pittsburgh for New Orleans
1929 "Black Tuesday," Stock Market crashes triggers "Great Depression" 
1942 16,000 Jews killed in Pinsk Russia 
1942 Alaska highway completed
1945 1st ball point pen goes on sale, 57 years after it was patented
1988 China announces a herbal male contraceptive 
Today is Labor Day in New Zealand
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Abortion is advocated only by persons who have themselves been born. --- Ronald Reagan
In a hat shop a saleslady gushed: "That's the hat for you! It makes you look ten years younger." "Then I don't want it," retorted the customer. "I certainly can't afford to put on ten years every time I take off my hat!"
>From Britta My sister and I are close, and that allows us to be honest with each other. One evening as I prepared for a date, I remarked, "I'm fat." "No, you're not," she scolded. "My hair is awful," I said. "It's lovely," she encouraged. "I've never looked worse," I whined. And she said, "Oh, yes, you have!"
Eating For Energy - The Ultimate Energy Diet If you want to jump out of bed and soar through your days with boundless energy, avoid that dreaded afternoon lull, create a slim body that is resistant to disease, and have a much easier time using healthy and delicious foods into your diet, then this will be the most important message you ever read. Start Eating for Energy!

Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

It is fun to fart some of the time, but there definitely are times, when it is better not to. Cure Flatulence
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Darien Caruso and James Hardy, 19, in Bradenton, Florida Idiots Get Lost While Fleeing Burglary, End Up Back At Crime Scene Reported by The Weekly Vice Darien Caruso and James Hardy, two 19-year-old Bradenton boneheads were jailed Sunday after they allegedly burglared a residence, got lost while fleeing, and unintentionally ended up back at the crime scene. According to the Manatee County Sheriff's Office, a witness called police after two men were seen burglaring a home and then fleeing the residence with several items. While officers were investigating the scene, the suspects arrived back at the crime scene in the vehicle they used to flee the scene with. When officers stopped the car and searched it, they found several items that belonged to the victims laying in plain view. When police questioned them, they admitted that they had burglared the residence, but had become lost while trying to find a way out of the neighborhood. Caruso and Hardy were booked into the Manatee County Jail and charged with armed burglary.
Tech Support Pits From: Donna Re: Sleep or turn off Hi Webby... maybe you can help me... Usually I just put my computer into sleep mode overnight and for the few hours I'm at work. I recently read something that said because there is still power to the memory and other parts of the computer, putting it to sleep is actually harder on the computer than turning it off and back on because of heat retention. What do YOU think? Thanks for your newsletter, I read it daily and love it! Donna Dear Donna The computer has fans, that take care of the heat, while it is running. If it is completely turned off and unplugged, then of course the fans can't do any cooling. Don't worry about night time heating from the computer. Hibernate is probably the best, unless you expect it to do virus scans and defrags at night. Just plan what you want done on which nights. On those nights leave it running normally, and on nights, when there are no chores, set it to hibernate. It comes out of hibernation faster than from a cold start, and all your programs are the same as they were when you told it to Hibernate. If you want, you can even make a shortcut icon for Hibernation: Target: C:\Windows\System32\rundll32.exe powrprof.dll,SetSuspendState 0,1,0 Start In: C:\Windows\System32 When you hit that shortcut icon, it goes into hibernation instantly, without asking any silly questions about whether you really, really mean it, deep down inside. It just does as told, and when you hit the power on button the next day, it starts up with each program as it was. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Dust Cakes With Powdered Sugar Instead of Frosting When my mother used to have friends over in the evening she wanted to serve a snack (cake and coffee) but most of them were elderly and would turn down the cake because of the frosting. The problem was solved by using a round single layer cake. Buy 8-inch doilies, place a doily on top of the cake, and sprinkled it lightly with confectioner's sugar. Remove the doily and you have a lacy design on the cake without all of the icing. By Clynnaltemus from Inglis, FL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote all in one place, without having to go there separately for each..

5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff, that you won't keep up anyway." These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process, reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body. Give "Old School - New Body" a try!

Four old timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how for Christmas this year he'd love to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round. His buddies all chimed in and said, "Let's do it! We'll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here early, Christmas morning." Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the golf course. The first guy says, "Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can't take her eyes off it." Number 2 guy says, "I spent a ton too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures." Number 3 guy says "Well my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual." They all turned to the last guy in the group and he is staring at them like they have lost their minds. "I can't believe you all went to such expense for this golf game. I slapped my wife on the behind and said, 'Well babe, is it sex or golf?' and she said, "Take a sweater."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A woman went to see her lawyer, taking with her a baby and four children under the age of five. "I want a divorce," she said. "On what grounds?" he asked. "Desertion, sir," she said. "Desertion?" he asked, looking at the five young children. "Well," she confided, "he does come home every Mothers Day to apologize."
» The life of flowers


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Safe Cookies 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, October 28

Last night's 7.7 earth quake in BC luckily did not seem to
cause any injury or damage. Some of you probably wondered 
where that "Haida Gwaii", that the news mentioned, is. 
That is the new (since 2010) and politically correct name 
now for the Queen Charlotte islands. Eventually the maps
will be showing the new name.

Have FUN!
Dear Webby

Today in 
1492 Christopher Columbus discovers Cuba 
1636 Harvard University (Boston) established 
1793 Eli Whitney applies for a patent on the cotton gin 
1886 Statue of Liberty dedicated by Pres Grover Cleveland, 
   it is celebrated by the 1st confetti (ticker tape) parade in NYC
1891 Quake strikes Mino-Owari, Japan kills 7,300
1904 St Louis police try a new investigation method-fingerprints
1922 1st coast-to-coast radio broadcast of a football game
1922 Benito Mussolini takes control of Italy's government 
1940 Greece successfully resists Italy's attack 
1962 Khrushchev orders withdrawal of missiles from Cuba, ending crisis 
1946 German rocket engineers, that have not been hauled to the US in 1945, 
   begin work in USSR
1988 Microsoft cofounder Paul Allen gives $10 million to U Wash library
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The average man, who does not know what to do with his life, wants another one which will last forever. --- Anatole France A sense of duty is useful in work, but offensive in personal relations. People wish to be liked, not be endured with patient resignation. --- Bertrand Russell
Lory, was driving down the street in a sweat because she had an important doctors appointment and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up toward heaven, she said "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up margaritas." Miraculously, a parking place appeared. Lory looked up again and said, "Never mind. I found one."
Not long after his marriage, Joe Jr and his father Joe Sr, met for lunch. "Well, son," asked Joe Sr, "how is married life treating you?" "Not very well, I'm afraid," sighed junior. "It seems I married a nun." "A nun?" his father questioned. "That's right," moaned Joe Jr. "None in the morning, none at night, and none at all unless I beg!" Joe Sr nodded knowingly and slapped his boy on the back a couple of times. "Why don't we all get together for dinner tonight and have a nice talk?" Young Joe smiled, "Say, Dad, that's a great idea!" "Fine," replied Joe Sr, "I'll call home and tell the Mother Superior to set two extra plates."
Eating For Energy - The Ultimate Energy Diet If you want to jump out of bed and soar through your days with boundless energy, avoid that dreaded afternoon lull, create a slim body that is resistant to disease, and have a much easier time using healthy and delicious foods into your diet, then this will be the most important message you ever read. Start Eating for Energy!

Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

It is fun to fart some of the time, but there definitely are times, when it is better not to. Cure Flatulence
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Amanda Barker, 32, Mannington, W. Va. Cheerleading Coach - Charged With Having Sex With 16-Year-Old Student Reported by The Weekly Vice Amanda Barker, a 32-year-old cheerleading coach at North Marion High School has been jailed after she allegedly had sex with a 16-year-old student. According to police, an investigation was launched after a student reported the alleged sexual assault to the school's assistant principal. Investigators say school administrators questioned the boy about the allegations which the boy denied initially. The student then admitted to having sex with Barker on three occasions at her home in Mannington. He went on to say that he spent a lot of time with Barker at her home because she was a friend of the family and her husband, Josh Barker, had coached him in soccer. The boy went on to say that Barker performed oral sex on him during each encounter on the couch in her living room. Barker's husband was reportedly asleep in a bedroom when the alleged sex occurred. When investigators questioned Barker, she initially denied the charges but later admitted to them, according to an arrest affidavit. Barker was booked into jail and charged with three counts of child sexual abuse by a person in a position of trust. She was released after posting a $15,000 bond.
Tech Support Pits From: Chris Re: Which cookies are safe? Dear Webby, I have been fanatically getting rid of cookies for many years, but more and more people, especially the banks, tell me to leave them alone and not f***, ahem mess with them. What's the real story? Thanks Chris Dear Chris I agree with the banks. Don't mess with the cookies. In the 90's some sites stored more than necessary information in cookies, which led to abuse. However, by the late 90's everybody had smartened up and cookies became safe. For example, the banks don't store account info or anything confidential in cookies, but IF you have successfully entered your user name and password, then they look for a stashed cookie, that tells them that it is indeed you, and not just somebody, who read the user name and password from where you had written them onto a post-it-note. Without that cookie, they dump your password and make you jump through all kinds of hoops, just to verify it is really you. The same with many other sites, that require you to enter the same old stuff again and again. Leave the cookies alone and the net becomes a much friendlier place. It's not the cookies, it's the places you go to, that should be of concern. Malicious and fraudulent sites don't bother with cookies, they sneak a virus or trojan onto you, or a flakey tool bar, that is difficult to get rid of. When you notice something like that, get outa there fast and don't go back. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Wooden Spoon When Cooking Fudge When making fudge, use a wooden spoon not metal. Heat from the fudge will go to the spoon and it takes longer for the fudge to come to the right stage. By Janette from Parkersburg, WV Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote all in one place, without having to go there separately for each..

5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff, that you won't keep up anyway." These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process, reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body. Give "Old School - New Body" a try!

A Newfie decides to travel across Canada to see the Pacific Ocean.When he gets to Nanaimo, he likes the place so much that he decides to stay. But first he must find a job. He walks into the MacMillan-Bloedel office and fills out an application as an "Experienced logger." It's his lucky day. They just happen to be looking for someone. But first, the bush foreman takes him for a ride in the bush in the company pickup truck to see how much he knows. The foreman stops the truck on the side of the road and points at a tree. "See that tree over there? I want you to tell me what species it is and how many board feet of lumber it contains." The Newfie promptly answers, "It's a Sitka Spruce and contains 383 board feet of lumber." The foreman is impressed. He puts the truck in motion and stops again about a mile down the road. He points at another tree through the passenger door window. He asks the same question. This time, it's a bigger tree of a different class. "It's a Douglas Fir, it has 690 board feet." says the Newfie. Now the foreman is really impressed. The Newfie has answered quickly and got the answers right without even using a calculator! One more test. They drive a little farther down the road, and the foreman stops again. This time, he points across the road through his driver side window. "And what about that one?" Before the foreman finishes pointing, the Newfie says, "A Yellow cedar, 242 board feet." The foreman spins the truck around and heads back to the office. He's a little annoyrf because he thinks that the Newfie is smarter than he is. As they near the office, the foreman stops the truck, and asks the Newfie to step outside. He hands him a piece of chalk and tells him, "See that tree over there. I want you to mark an X on the front of that tree. "The foreman thinks to himself, "Idiot! How does he know which is the front of the tree? " When the Newfie reaches the tree, he goes around it in a circle while looking at the ground. He then reaches up and places a white X on the trunk. He comes back to the foreman and hands him the chalk. "That is the front of the tree," the Newfie states. The foreman laughs to himself and asks sarcastically, "How in the heck do you know that's the front of the tree?" The Newfie looks down at his feet, while moving the toe of his left boot clockwise in the gravel, replies, "Cuz someone used the back side for an outhouse." He got the job!!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Three golfing partners died in a car wreck and went to heaven. Upon arrival they discover the most beautiful golf course they have ever seen. St. Peter tells them that they are all welcome to play the course, but he cautions them that there is only one rule: Don't hit the ducks. The men all have blank expressions, and finally one of them asks "The ducks?" "Yes", St. Peter replies, "There are millions of ducks walking around the course and if one gets hit, he squawks then the one next to him squawks and soon they're all squawking to beat the band and it really breaks the tranquility. If you hit the ducks, you'll be punished, otherwise everything is yours to enjoy." Upon entering the course, the men noted that there were indeed large numbers of ducks everywhere. Within fifteen minutes, one of the guys hit one of them. The duck squawked, the one next to it squawked and soon there was a deafening roar of duck quacks. St. Peter walked up with an extremely homely woman in tow and asked "Who hit the duck?" The guy who had done it admitted "I did." St. Peter immediately pulled out a pair of handcuffs and cuffed the man's right hand to the homely woman's left hand. "I told you not to hit the ducks," he said. "Now you'll be handcuffed together for eternity." The other two men were very cautious not to hit any ducks, but a couple of weeks later, one of them accidentally did. The quacks were as deafening as before and within minutes St. Peter walked up with an even uglier woman. St.Peter determined which one had hit the duck by the fear in his face and cuffed the man's right hand to the homely woman's left hand. I told you not to hit the ducks," he said. "Now you'll be handcuffed together for eternity." The third man was extremely careful. Some days he wouldn't even move for fear of even nudging a duck. After three months of this he still hadn't hit a duck. St. Peter walked up to the man at the end of the three months and had with him a knock-out gorgeous woman, the most beautiful woman the man had ever seen. St. Peter smiled to the man and then, without a word, handcuffed him to the beautiful woman and walked off. The man, knowing that he would be handcuffed to this woman for eternity, let out a sigh and said "What have I done to deserve this?" The woman responded "I don't know about you, but I hit a duck."
» Memorabilia


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Which cookies are safe? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, October 27

Have FUN!
Dear Webby

Today in 
1492 Cuba "discovered": Discovery Day
1775 US Navy established 
1810 US annexes West Florida from Spain 
1925 Water skis patented by Fred Waller 
1938 DuPont announces its new synthetic fiber "nylon" 
1959 Rare Pacific hurricane kills 2,000 in Western Mexico 
1969 Ralph Nader sets up a consumer organization
1980 Dave Gryllis sets world bicycle speed record of 94.37 kph
1982 China announces its population at 1 billion people
1988 "ET" released to home video (14 million presold) 
1988 Larry Flynt paid hitman $1M to kill Hefner, Guccione & Sinatra 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. --- Dave Barry
I went to the store the other day to pick out a new tie for an upcoming wedding. I found one that matched my suit but it didn't have a price tag on it. So I asked the clerk, "Hey, buddy, how much is this tie?" He said, "Sixty-five dollars." I said, "What! I can buy a pair of shoes with that kind of money." He said, "Maybe, but with your neck, shoes would look silly." I'll get one from the Salvation Army for a dollar.
While picking up some stuff for a neighbor at the dry-cleaning shop, I overheard a young airman describe in great detail how he wanted his uniform cleaned and pressed. When he finished, the counter clerk asked, "Are you getting an award, or do you have an important military function to attend?" "Nothing like that," the airman said. "I'm on leave and my l ittle brother is taking me to his second-grade class for 'Show-n-Tell.' "
Eating For Energy - The Ultimate Energy Diet If you want to jump out of bed and soar through your days with boundless energy, avoid that dreaded afternoon lull, create a slim body that is resistant to disease, and have a much easier time using healthy and delicious foods into your diet, then this will be the most important message you ever read. Start Eating for Energy!

Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

It is fun to fart some of the time, but there definitely are times, when it is better not to. If that link to that cute little movie does not work, try this: One Last Kiss Cure Flatulence
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Heather Atkins, 26, in Columbia, SC Charged With Crying Rape After Woman Catches Her Naked In Shower With Her Boyfriend Reported by The Weekly Vice Heather Atkins, a 26-year-old Columbia woman was jailed after she falsely claimed that she had been raped, when actually she was caught in the shower with another woman's boyfriend. According to the Columbia Police Department, Atkins told detectives she received a black eye during a sexual assault on Friday. Investigators say Atkins told them that she was punched in the face and then dragged to a secluded area by two black men who proceeded to rape and then rob her. "After three days of investigating this case, investigators discovered that this whole story was a lie," according to Columbia Police Chief, Randy Scott. "She lied to the Columbia Police Department, she lied to her family, she lied to the public and she broke the trust of the people around her." Investigators say Atkins had actually gone to the home of a male co-worker and received her black eye when the man's girlfriend caught the two naked in the shower and punched her in the face. Atkins was booked into jail and charged with filing a false police report. She was released after posting a $20,000 bond.
Tech Support Pits From: Chris Re: Which cookies are safe? Dear Webby, I have been fanatically getting rid of cookies for many years, but more and more people, especially the banks, tell me to leave them alone and not f***, ahem mess with them. What's the real story? Thanks Chris Dear Chris I agree with the banks. Don't mess with the cookies. In the 90's some sites stored more than necessary information in cookies, which led to abuse. However, by the late 90's everybody had smartened up and cookies became safe. For example, the banks don't store account info or anything confidential in cookies, but IF you have successfully entered your user name and password, then they look for a stashed cookie, that tells them that it is indeed you, and not just somebody, who read the user name and password from where you had written them onto a post-it-note. Without that cookie, they dump your password and make you jump through all kinds of hoops, just to verify it is really you. The same with many other sites, that require you to enter the same old stuff again and again. Leave the cookies alone and the net becomes a much friendlier place. It's not the cookies, it's the places you go to, that should be of concern. Malicious and fraudulent sites don't bother with cookies, they sneak a virus or trojan onto you, or a flakey tool bar, that is difficult to get rid of. When you notice something like that, get outa there fast and don't go back. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cardboard Fabric Liners For Storage Use the inner cardboard liners from bolts of fabrics to store your fabric. Stores will give them to you if you ask. Cut them in half and use them to wrap individual yardages around and store, upright, in those legal-sized cardboard boxes you get from office supply stores. You have only to glance at the top of the box to see what fabric you have in storage and each piece of fabric is the same size and standing straight up in the box. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote all in one place, without having to go there separately for each..

5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff, that you won't keep up anyway." These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process, reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body. Give "Old School - New Body" a try!

A tourist was admiring the necklace worn by a local Indian. "What is it made of?" she asked. "Alligator's teeth," the Indian replied. "I suppose," she said patronizingly, "that they mean as much to you as pearls do to us." "Oh no," he objected. "Any idiot can open an oyster."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
In England apparently they still have a Milkman: "Dear Milkman, I've just had a baby, please leave another one." "Please leave an extra pint of paralyzed milk." "Please don't leave any more milk. All they do is drink it" "Milkman please close the gate behind you because the birds keep pecking the tops off the milk." "Sorry not to have paid your bill before, but my wife had a baby and I've been carrying it around in my pocket for weeks." "Sorry about yesterday's note. I didn't mean one egg and a dozen pints, but the other way round." "When you leave my milk knock on my bedroom window and wake me because I want you 'to give me a hand to turn the mattress." My daughter says she wants a milkshake. Do you do it before you deliver or do I have to shake the bottle." "Please send me a form for cheap milk, for I have a baby two months old and did not know about it until a neighbor told me." "Milk is needed for the baby. Father is unable to supply it." "From now on please leave two pints every other day and one pint on the days in between, except Wednesdays and Saturdays when I don't want any milk." My back door is open. Please put milk in 'fridge, get money out of cup in drawer and leave change on kitchen table, because we want to play bingo tonight." "Please leave no milk today. When I say today, I mean tomorrow, for I wrote this note yesterday or is it today?" "When you come with the milk please put the coal on the boiler, let dog out and put newspaper inside the screen door. PS. Don't leave any milk." "No milk. Please do not leave milk at No. 14 either as he is dead until further notice."
» Scotland, only one click away


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Card picked-up notices 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, October 26
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



I sure can emphasize with those of you, who use Dial-Up.
Had totally forgotten how slow that is. Not surprisingly,
the slowest site of all was the one of Telus, my ISP.

Have FUN!
Dear Webby

Today in 
1825 Erie Canal between Hudson River & Lake Erie opened 
1863 Worldwide Red Cross organized in Geneva 
1881 Shootout at the OK corral, in Tombstone, Az
1905 Union of Sweden & Norway ends
1916 Margaret Sanger arrested for obscenity 
   (advocating birth control) 
1949 Pres Truman increases minimum wage from 40 cents to 
   75 cents
1956 UN's International Atomic Energy Agency statute approved
1956 Vietnam promulgates its constitution 
1967 Shah of Iran crowns himself after 26 years on Peacock Throne 
1988 Donald Trump bills Mike Tyson $2,000,000 for 
   4 month advisory service
1988 US-Soviet effort free 2 grey whales from frozen Arctic, Barrow, AK
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Look for the ridiculous in everything and you will find it. --- Jules Renard The love of truth lies at the root of much humor. --- Robertson Davies Ability will never catch up with the demand for it. --- Malcolm Forbes
Truck Stop and Diner code, from the days, when the people who worked there were English speaking locals: Paint it red Put ketchup on an item Java, Joe or a cup of mud Coffee A blonde with sand Coffee with cream and sugar Shake one in the hay Strawberry milkshake Cackle fruit Eggs Wreck 'em Scrambled eggs Adam & Eve on a raft Two poached eggs on toast On the hoof Any kind of meat cooked rare Bloodhound in the Hay Hot dog and Sauerkraut Whistleberries Baked beans Frog sticks French fries Paint a bow-wow red Gimme a hot dog with ketchup Irish turkey Corned beef and cabbage Zeppelins in a fog Sausages and mashed potatoes Burn one Put a hamburger on the grill Pin a rose on it Add onion to an order Burn one; drag it through Hamburger with lettuce, tomato the garden and pin a rose and onion on it.
A large company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. This new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning on a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business! The new CEO walked up to the guy leaning against the wall and asked, "How much money do you make a week?" A little surprised, the young fellow looked at him and replied, "I make $300 a week. Why?" The CEO then handed the guy $1,200 in cash and screamed, "Here's four weeks' pay, now GET OUT and don't come back." Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did here?" From across the room came a voice, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's, waiting for the foreman to bring him today's list."
Eating For Energy - The Ultimate Energy Diet If you want to jump out of bed and soar through your days with boundless energy, avoid that dreaded afternoon lull, create a slim body that is resistant to disease, and have a much easier time using healthy and delicious foods into your diet, then this will be the most important message you ever read. Start Eating for Energy!

Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Reanna Douglas, 21, Lake Orion, Mich. Coach - Charged With Having Sex With 15-Year-Old Girl Reported by The Weekly Vice Reanna Douglas a 21-year-old girl's lacrosse coach at Lake Orion High School has been jailed after she allegedly had a sexual relationship with a 15-year-old female student. According to the Douglas County Sheriff's Office, an investigation was launched in August after the parents of a 15-year-old girl contacted authorities about an alleged sexual relationship that developed between Douglas and their daughter. Investigators say Douglas and the girl had an inappropriate relationship that began after Douglas was contracted by the school district to coach their girl's lacrosse team. The school district terminated Douglas's contract shortly after the allegations surfaced. Douglas was booked into jail and charged with third-degree criminal sexual conduct. Bond in her case has been set at $15,000.
Tech Support Pits From: Gretchen Re: Card picked up notice Dear Webby, Hi, I have a general question that I hope you will answer. I have sent 3 cards from Action Cat this month. However, I only received a notice today that the card I had sent this morning had been picked up later in the day. Is this a new feature that was activated on the site to automatically notify the sender when the card was picked up between the 15th (when I had sent the previous card) and today, the 25th? Or does it have anything to do with how the card is opened? It has been so long since I have received one of the cards from this site that I have forgotten if there is something that asks if the recipient wants to notify the sender that the card has been received. I would be very appreciative if you could let me know, as I was very anxious to be sure one of those cards had been received. I couldn't call the recipient as she has one of those phones that have the budgeted minutes and at the time I sent the card, she was out of minutes. But as she was sick, I was very concerned about her, so it would have greatly relieved me to get the same message then as I did today. Any information would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for your time and effort, Sincerely Gretchen Dear Gretchen We have had the "Picked Up Notification" since the days, when you were still jail bait. You CAN turn that feature off, but on most card sites, the default is to send you a "Picked Up Notification". The SENDER is the one, who decides whether or not she gets that "Picked Up Notification". If the recipient has a full mailbox or does not check her email during the KEEP time, then the card falls off and you don't get a "Picked Up Notification". The KEEP time varies. Some sites have their KEEP time set to 7 days, others as long as 30, but there is a definite end somewhere. Even if a site's KEEP time is set for a whole month, if the recipient does not go and open the card in that time, then you won't get a "Picked Up Notification". On the better card sites you can also send an Archive copy to yourself, so that you can look up what you sent last time. With frantic lovers, that feature is quite important too. Just send a card to yourself to get familiar with the system again. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Drawers Closed With Cellophane During a Move When moving, be careful not to use tape on your furniture to hold dresser or night stand drawers closed. The tape can easily damage the finish, especially in hot weather. Use a self clinging cellophane wrap. It can be purchased on different size rolls at hardware stores, UPS, and office supplies. It can be wrapped around lamps or fragile items also. By Linda from Arlington, TX Cellophane is the noisy clear wrapping, that does not stretch. I think she means a cling or shrink wrap like Saran Wrap. Grocery stores have it in widths from 8" to 16". Industrial and commercial suppliers have it in 24"to 60" widths in mile long rolls at considerably lower prices. If you use the big, fat commercial rolls, then when done, give the left over roll to the next person, who moves, so that your kids are not tempted to shrinkwrap your car, or the principal's car. For kids, that stuff is hard to resist! They even use it across cat doors, just to make a youTube movie of the surprised look on the cat's face, when it runs into the invisible barrier. And of course toilets and bath tubs are favorite targets too. If you can't hide it, give it away! Surprisingly, they don't play with the short and thin roll in the kitchen drawer. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote all in one place, without having to go there separately for each..

5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff, that you won't keep up anyway." These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process, reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body. Give "Old School - New Body" a try!

Catherine, a RN, was unhappy with her job, so she submitted her resignation. She was sure she'd have no trouble finding a new position, because of the nursing shortage in her area. She e-mailed cover letters to dozens of potential employers and attached her resume to each one. Two weeks later, Catherine was dismayed and bewildered that she had not received even one request for an interview. Finally she received a message from a prospective employer that explained the reason she hadn't heard from anyone else. It read: "Your resume was not attached as stated. I do, however, want to thank you for the lasagna recipe."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. CONCLUSION Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you
» Waterfalls of the World


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Do-Not-Call Registry 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, October 25

Thanks, Miriam!

Sorry about the late delivery. Telus, the ISP, had a major
malfunction. With the phone on speaker, I listened for 
hours to their crappy elevator music and: 
"Pwease continue to houd foa the nepst avaiwable tservif
repwesentative."

Considering the length of time on hold, their problem must
be awefully wide spread. 
Finally got through to "the nepst avaiwable tservif
repwesentative". They do have a major station f***-up
and it may take a few days to get stuff replaced. 
Crawling onto the server with Dial-Up now.


>From Papa Hank
My Dear Webby,
Do you have to remind us in Syracuse, NY about the white 
stuff that's coming!! Fortunately Your humor is great enough 
to overcome the trama of future falling snow.
I especially liked the comment on James K. Lowery, The 
peeping tom.I'd great to hear that he was "tenderized"
Keep the humor coming.
Papa Hank

Dear Papa Hank
You don't have to worry about that.
Remember, YOU got Gullible Warming, 
plus all the hot air from Washington.
If you get any snow at all, complain to Al Gore.

By the way, if you DO happen to have a bit of CO2 to spare,
send it up to us, please! Our farms and forests desperately 
need it. We call it vegetation fuel. 

That is why I drive a 1991 Chrysler LeBaron muscle car.

I got out of my driveway OK today. I pulled ahead in the 
garage as far as I could, fanned the gas to get the turbo
up to speed, then slammed it into reverse and stomped the 
gas. As I was laying rubber from squealing tires, I hit the 
garage door remote and kept the foot down on the gas.

I hit the snow  drift going about 40 in reverse and plowed
right through it. Once through it, I hit the brake, turned 
the steering wheel and skidded onto the hard-packed snow
on the road. I wound up against the sidewalk on the other 
side, but not on it. From there on everything was easy.
Have FUN!
Dear Webby


Donald Trump's laughable $5 million offer today to charity, 
IF President Barak Hussein Obama can produce a 
believable birth certificate and college record, can't change 
the fact that the purported billionaire is one incredibly 
cheap bastard:
Details at The Smoking Gun
Obviously Obama can't produce those records, so Trump
can keep the money and does not have to donate it to charity.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1415 Battle of Agincourt, Welsh longbow defeats the armored knight 
1854 The Light Brigade charges (Battle of Balaklava, Crimean War) 
1918 Canadian steamship "Princess Sophia" hit a reef off 
  Alaska, 398 die
1944 Japanese navy defeated at battle of Leyte Gulf
1945 Japanese surrender Taiwan to Gen Chiang Kai-shek
1960 1st electronic wrist watch placed on sale, NYC
1975 USSR's Venera 10 makes day-side Venus landing 
1983 US invades Grenada, a country 1/2,000 its population (US Wins!) 
1985 Kosmos 1700 communications satellite placed in geostationary orbit
1986 International Red Cross ousted from South Africa
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. --- Dorothy Parker
A woman calls the town psychiatrist and cries, "Doctor, you've got to come as soon as possible. My husband is in really bad shape!" The shrink rushes over. The worried wife says, "Thank God you are here, doctor. Just go down the hall. He's in the last room on the right." The shrink goes in the room and sees the woman's husband sitting on the edge of the bathtub, dangling a fishline in the toilet. He goes back to the wife and says, "Yes, this is very serious. But why didn't you call me sooner?" "Who has time?" the wife asks. "I've been cleaning fish all week."
The judged looked at the docket and said, "Good God, man! You're charged with marrying six women. How could you do such a thing?" "Hey, judge, gimme a break," the man replied. "I was only trying to find one good one."
Eating For Energy - The Ultimate Energy Diet If you want to jump out of bed and soar through your days with boundless energy, avoid that dreaded afternoon lull, create a slim body that is resistant to disease, and have a much easier time incorporating healthy and delicious foods into your diet, then this will be the most important message you ever read. Start Eating for Energy!

Thanks to Mike in Indiana for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to David Lee, 44, Jacksonville, Florida Jailed After Stealing Plastic Flowers From Grave Site, That He Planned To Give To His Girlfriend Reported by The Weekly Vice David Lee, a 44-year-old Jacksonville man was jailed Sunday after he allegedly stole flowers from a grave site that he planned to give to his girlfriend. According to the Jacksonville Sheriff's Office, a deputy stopped Lee shortly after 6:00 p.m. as he was walking out of the Evergreen Cemetery. He was carrying three plastic flower bouquets, with fresh soil falling from the bottom of them. He also appeared to be intoxicated. Investigators say when the officer asked Lee where he got the fake flowers, he admitted that they were planted next to a tombstone, but he dug them up. He told the officer that he was planning on giving the flowers to his alleged girlfriend, and that he did not know the deceased person from which he stole the flowers. Lee was booked into the Duval County Jail and charged with a felony count of injuring or removing plants from a gravestone, monument, or tomb.
Tech Support Pits From: Honor Re: Do Not Call registry Dear Webby, Do you happen to have among your famous facts, the information I need to get on the 'don't call, don't email' list? I've moved fairly recently and haven't gotten signed up for that on my new numbers and addresses. I hope it isn't too late to do this! I always read your tips...don't always understand them... but some I just print off for future reference, like after I'm smarter! Thanks for all you do for your subscribers! Honor Dear Honor The DO-NOT-CALL registry is at https://www.donotcall.gov/default.aspx There is no Do-NOT-EMAIL registry. Just use MailWasher from the side of the Humor Letter, and nuke the mail from the bastids, like most of us do. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Nail Brushes for Cleaning Small Spaces I rarely use a nail brush to clean under my nails, as I use the end of a nail file, so I have a small collection of nail brushes I've saved from gift sets (frugal people save anything they think they will eventually find a use for). I keep a couple of them by the sink in the laundry room and have found they are great for scrubbing small spaces - a little larger than an old toothbrush and smaller than a traditional scrub brush. They have come in handy time and time again. By Marie from West Dundee, IL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote all in one place, without having to go there separately for each..

5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff, that you won't keep up anyway." These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process, reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body. Give "Old School - New Body" a try!

The bank manager was in the final stages of hiring a cashier and was down to two final applicants -- one of which would get the job. The first one interviewed was from a small college in upstate New York. A nice young man, but a bit timid. Then he called for the second man, "Jim Johnson!" Up stepped a burley young man who seemed quite sure of himself. "He looks like he can take care of any situation," thought the manager, and decided, there and then, to hire him. He turned to the first applicant and told him he could go and they would let him know. Turning to Johnson, he said, "Now Jim, I like the way you carry yourself -- that's an important asset for the job as cashier. However, you must be precise. I noticed you did not fill out the place on the application where we asked your formal education." Jim looked a little confused so the manager said, "Where did you get your financial education?" "Oh," replied Jim -- "Yale." "That's very good ... excellent. You're hired!" "Now that you're working for us, what do you prefer to be called?" Jim answered "I don't care... Yim... or Mr. Yonson."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A grocer put up a sign that read "Eggplants, 25¢ ea.--three for a dollar." All day long, customers came in exclaiming: "Don't be ridiculous! I should get four for a dollar!" Meekly the grocer capitulated and packaged four eggplants. The tailor next door had been watching these antics and finally asked the grocer, "Aren't you going to fix the mistake on your sign?" "What mistake?" the grocer asked. "Before I put up that sign no one ever bought more than one eggplant."
» Chupacabra, Myth, Mystery or Misery


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Digital Post-It-Notes 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, October 24

Wednesday is my bread run day. I hope the snow drifts between
the garage and the road don't get any higher. I think I can just punch
through them.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
3963 -BC- Origin of Hevelius' Mundane Era
1648 Peace of Westphalia ends 30 year war and Holy Roman Empire
1795 3rd partition of Poland, between Austria, Prussia & Russia
1836 The match is patented 
1861 1st transcontinental telegram sent ending the Pony Express
1871 Mob in LA hangs 18 Chinese 
1935 Italy invades Ethiopia
1939 Nylon stockings go on sale for 1st time
1940 Japan eliminates US terms (strike, play ball) from baseball 
1952 Arab Liberation Movement becomes the only party of Syria
1984 11 members of the Colombo crime family arrested 
1989 Rev Jim Bakker is sentenced to 50 years for fraud 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"I may not be a lion, but I am a lion's cub, and I have a lion's heart" --- Elizabeth I "The government issued a safety recall today on 800,000 Bowflex exercise machines. The good news: No one was hurt, because no one ever actually used a Bowflex." --- Jay Leno If we don't change direction soon, we'll end up where we're going. --- Professor Irwin Corey
>From David My mother once gave me two sweaters for Christmas. The next time we visited, I made sure to wear one. As we entered her home, instead of the expected smile, she said, "What's the matter? You didn't like the other one?"
An elephant ran away from a zoo one day and ended up in a little old lady's back garden. The old lady had never seen an elephant before so she called the police. "There's a strange looking animal in my back garden picking up cabbages with its tail" she said to the policeman. "What's it doing with them"? "If I told you" said the old lady, "you'd never believe me!"
Back by popular demand!
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion, or to avoid having to buy bigger clothes? Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise. Huge discount if you act now!

Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Delicious Revolution Cookbook - Healthy Food For Busy People. 151 Page Cookbook With Over 100 Easy To Make Healthy Meals. Every Recipe Has A Gorgeous Full Color Photograph. This Is A Revolutionary Solution For How To Make & Prepare Deliciously Healthy Meals For Increased Energy And Weight Loss. Sure To Please! Get the Revolution Cookbook now!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to James K. Lowery, 60, Jacksonville, Florida Receives Street Justice From Girl's Father After he Is Caught Peeping On Girl Reported by The Weekly Vice James K. Lowery, a 60-year-old Jacksonville man was jailed Sunday after he allegedly peeped through his neighbor's window and stared at their 15-year-old daughter. The father confronted Lowery and tenderized him until police arrived at the scene. According to the Duval County Sheriff's Office, the 15-year old girl called 911 to report that her father was restraining a man that was caught peeping at her through their living room window. The victims told police that someone had been on their property peeping around their windows on several occasions recently. The father found evidence that someone had tampered with the home's window trim and screens. When detectives asked Lowery what he was doing at the residence, he had no explanation, but admitted going there on his own will, even after consuming an entire bottle of wine. Property records show Lowery lives near the victims. He is employed as the chief engineer for channel 4 in Jacksonville. Lowery was booked into the Duval County Jail and charged with trespassing with intent to commit an offense, public intoxication, and resisting an officer without violence.
Tech Support Pits From: Angie Re: Post-It Notes Dear Webby, I had to laugh about your comments about the W8 mouse. You suggested probably once a year to glue some cardboard over that silly touch pad, and this is the third laptop, where I have done that before turning it on the first time. I sure don't want to have to glue some cardboard on top of the mouse!!! Today's question: Is there some program like the 3M Posti-It Notes for the computer? Angie Dear Angie Yes, 3M does have a computer version of their post-it notes. http://www.3m.com/us/office/postit/digi ... notes.html I have used them for many years and find them even handier than the paper version. You can paste text and pictures into them, even links that work by double clicking them, you can drag them into spreadsheets and word processors, and you can set alarms so that they hide until the set date and time comes around. It costs $10, but eventually you will probably get fed up with the free clones and get that one. To avoid the confusion at 3M, here is a link right into their shopping cart: http://snipurl.com/3mpostit There is a Lite version at http://post-it-notes-lite.en.softonic.com/download that seems to be a cracked older version. It is free, but they try to foist weird search engines and tool bars on you. You CAN decline that stuff, but you have to be very alert during the installation. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Coke Tab to Hang a Picture If you get a photo frame and there is no hook on the back, using a screw attach the Coke tab to the back of your frame. Then hang your picture! By coville123 from Brockville, Ontario ---------- If the back is just cardboard or very thin sawdust board, glue the pull tab on with Goop or any all- purpose household glue. Measure and mark where you want the RING to be, not the tab, and then outline the ring and tab with a felt marker, before applying the glue. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote all in one place, without having to go there separately for each..

5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff, that you won't keep up anyway." These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process, reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body. Give "Old School - New Body" a try!

During his freshman year, Steve couldn't get home for Christmas. So he sent his father a set of inexpensive cuff links and a note reading: "Dear Dad, This is not much, but it's all you could afford."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A Scotsman is visiting a zoo in Edinburgh for the first time. At one cage, he's entranced by what he sees. "An whut animal would that be?" he asks the keeper. "That's a moose from Canada," the zookeeper replies. "A moose?!?" exclaims the Scotsman. "Hoot, mon. They must have rats like elephants over there."
» Awsome Pumpkins


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Windows 8 mouse 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, October 23

Yes, I know, Ezinefinder is down again.
I have written to them. That is all I can do.
They are Mac Users and do not respond to problem reports,
because they consider those to be attacks on their cult.

Like Harley riders or Muslims, they do plenty of bitching
about their system amongst themselves, but if an outsider
mentions something, that is not complimentary, they get 
into a big snit in a hurry. 

If you write to them, be extra polite and as brief as possible.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1790 Slaves revolt in Haiti (later suppressed) 
1805 Sailing ship "Aeneus" sinks off Newfoundland killing 340 
1915 25,000 women march in NYC, demanding right to vote 
1942 During WW II, Britain launches major offensive 
   at El Alamein, Egypt
1944 Soviet army invades Hungary 
1954 Canada, England, France & USSR agree to end occupation 
  of Germany 
1956 1st video recording on magnetic tape televised coast-to-coast
1956 Hungarian Revolution began 
1958 USSR lends money to UAR to build Aswan High Dam 
1970 Gary Gabelich sets auto speed record 622.4 mph (1,002 kph) 
1983 Suicide terrorist truck bomb kills 243 US personnel in Beirut 
1990 Iraq announces release of 330 French hostages
1991 Dr Jack Kevorkian's suicide machine kills 2 women 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Barometer, n.: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having. --- Ambrose Bierce I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education. --- Wilson Mizner The great thing about democracy is that it gives every voter a chance to do something stupid. --- Art Spander
>From Richi Three men were discussing at a bar about coincidences. The first man said, " my wife was reading a "tale of two cities" and she gave birth to twins" "That's funny", the second man remarked, "my wife was reading 'The three musketeers' and she gave birth to triplets" The third man shouted, "Good God, I have to rush home!" When asked what the problem was, he exclaimed, "When I left the house, my wife was reading "Ali baba and the Forty Thieves"!
Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the doctor, "Why do you want to join the Navy, son?" "My father said it'd be a good idea, sir." "Oh? And what does your father do?" "He's in the Army, sir."
Back by popular demand!
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion, or to avoid having to buy bigger clothes? Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise. Huge discount if you act now!

Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Delicious Revolution Cookbook - Healthy Food For Busy People. 151 Page Cookbook With Over 100 Easy To Make Healthy Meals. Every Recipe Has A Gorgeous Full Color Photograph. This Is A Revolutionary Solution For How To Make & Prepare Deliciously Healthy Meals For Increased Energy And Weight Loss. Sure To Please! Get the Revolution Cookbook now!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Sheila Eubank, 48, in San Antonio, Texas Woman Admits To Making Up Kidnapping Story To Get A Day Off Work Reported by The Weekly Vice Sheila Eubank, a 48-year-old San Antonio woman was jailed Wednesday after she pretended to have been kidnapped to get a day off from work and a little attention. According to San Antonio police, on October 10th, an officer reportedly found Eubanks laying motionless in her vehicle, bound with a rope. Eubanks allegedly told the officer that she had been kidnapped by an anonymous knife-wielding man, who jumped into her car and forced her to drive to an ATM machine to withdraw her money. The man then forced her to drive him around for 12 hours while he conducted alleged drug deals. Investigators say detectives found inconsistencies with Eubank's story, especially when they found a lottery ticket in her purse that had been purchased at around the same time she was being held by a kidnapper, according to her story. Detectives checked surveillance video from the store that sold the lottery ticket and saw Eubanks purchasing a lottery ticket by herself. She was seen in the video being polite and calm. She did not appear to be distressed or anxious, according to police. Confronted with the evidence police had, Eubanks admitted to making up the entire kidnapping story. She stated that she made up the story in order to get a day off work and a little attention. Eubank was booked into the Bexar County Jail and charged with aggravated perjury. Her bond was set at $10,000.
Tech Support Pits From: Alex Re: Windows8 Mouse Dear Webby, I read that there is a new Windows 7-8 mouse, that has a touch pad built into it's top. Is it worth it's rather steep cost? Alex Dear Alex That W8 mouse just adds even more frustration, and you would probably heave it into the trash in the first hour. Just like the touch pad below the keyboard, it is a half-baked idea, nice in theory, but rather useless for fast work. You are much better off with a standard 5 or 7 button Laser or LED mouse. As long as you got Left and Right click, Copy, Paste, Enter, you canget work done. For spreadsheets #6 and #7 (left and right scroll) are handy, but you can live quite happily without those two. I would recommend saving your money and not get any W8 gadgets just yet. Let them work out the bugs in W8 first. They are still fixing serious bugs in W7. No point in rushing into an unfinished W8. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Coke Tab to Hang a Picture If you get a photo frame and there is no hook on the back, using a screw attach the Coke tab to the back of your frame. Then hang your picture! By coville123 from Brockville, Ontario ---------- If the back is just cardboard or very thin sawdust board, glue the pull tab on with Goop or any all- purpose household glue. Measure and mark where you want the RING to be, not the tab, and then outline the ring and tab with a felt marker, before applying the glue. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote all in one place, without having to go there separately for each..

5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff, that you won't keep up anyway." These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process, reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body. Give "Old School - New Body" a try!

After watching the movie Cinderella, five-year-old Sarah started using her pinwheel as a magic wand, pretending she was a fairy godmother. "Make three wishes," she told her mother, "and I'll grant them." Her mom first asked for world peace. Sarah swung her wand and proclaimed the request fulfilled. Next, her mother requested for a cure for all ill children. Again, with a sweep of the pinwheel, Sarah obliged. The mother, with a glance down at her rather ample curves, made her third wish, "I wish to have a trim figure again." The miniature fairy godmother started waving her wand madly. Finally, totally exhausted she stopped and sighed: "I'll need more power for this!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Cookie: Golf is the perfect thing to do on Sunday because you always end up praying a lot.
» Pop Culture Quiz


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Jumbled typing 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, October 22

>From Dr Bill
regarding cleaning the tub - or any ceramic bathroom fixture - 
fill with water, drop in several alka-seltzer tablets - 
let sit overnight - (just one for the toilet) - learned this 
from summer camp maintenance man when our camp was 
the third in line - by August the facilities really needed it - 
so during the week ahead of the arrival of the kids, I was 
up there getting the swimming area and canoes ready when I 
caught the guy cleaning the facilities - works like a charm -
Bill


WASHINGTON (UPI) -- The U.S. government has offered a $50,000 
reward to whoever comes up with an effective means of blocking 
telephone "robocall" sales pitches. 

The Federal Trade Commission has been losing ground in the battle 
against automated phone calls and is looking for fresh ideas with its 
FTC Robocall Challenge. 

The winner will receive $50,000 plus a trip to Washington. 
The Robocall Challenge is open to U.S. citizens. Groups of as many 
as 10 will be eligible for the reward and the trip to the capital. 

Bunch of doughheads!
Nothing easier. As I have mentioned a number of times before,
listenjust long enough to note their1-800 number, if it is not
forged into the Call Display.

Take a few extra large pictures of you or a friend writing
a message about robo-calls into snow, with a yellow medium.
Then WinFax them to that 1-800 number, on auto-repeat.

Since all robo-calls, except those by the fire department, 
the gas company and the electrical company to notify you of 
planned outages, and emergency services, are illegal, the
dumb crooks can't complain to anybody.

Just don't use that trick on the fire department! They might 
hose you down at 4am!

Feel free to use that trick to compete for the $50,000.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1797 AndreJacques Garnerin makes 1st parachute jump from 
  balloon (Paris) 
1906 3000 blacks demonstrate & riot in Philadelphia
1936 1st commercial flight from mainland to Hawaii
1938 1st Xerox copy made 
1949 200 killed in train derailment near Nowy Dwor Poland 
1953 Laos gains full independence from France 
1954 West Germany joins North Atlantic Treaty Organization
1962 JFK imposes naval blockade on Cuba, beginning missile crisis 
1975 Soviet spacecraft Venera 9 soft-lands on Venus
1981 US national debt tops $1 trillion 
1991 General Motors announces 9 month loss of $2.2 billion 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be. --- Kurt Vonnegut People often find it easier to be a result of the past than a cause of the future. --- Socratex I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago. --- Will Rogers "No matter how much money you make, you always need an extra $40 a week. I'm sure it was Einstein who first stated: Exp- ense equals salary plus forty bucks." --- Jeffrey Jena
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
At a naval barracks the enlisted men were being given their shots prior to going overseas. One lad, having received his whole series of injections, asked for a glass of water. "What's the matter, Mate?" asked the sick bay attendant. "Do you feel light-headed?" "No, just checking to see if I'm still watertight."
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Delicious Revolution Cookbook - Healthy Food For Busy People. 151 Page Cookbook With Over 100 Easy To Make Healthy Meals. Every Recipe Has A Gorgeous Full Color Photograph. This Is A Revolutionary Solution For How To Make & Prepare Deliciously Healthy Meals For Increased Energy And Weight Loss. Sure To Please! Get the Revolution Cookbook now!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Katie Hightower, 26, Pawnee County, OK Charged With Having Sex With Student After Football Scrimmage Reported by The Weekly Vice Katie Hightower, a 26-year-old teacher at Prue High School was jailed Wednesday after she allegedly had sex with a student. According to the Pawnee County Sheriff's Office, an investigation was launched after Hightower allegedly purchased beer for a group of students - then disappeared into a bedroom to have sexual intercourse with one of the students. Investigators say the incident began on August 16 when Hightower accompanied a group of high school students to and from a football scrimmage - sitting next to a 16-year-old male student during the trip. After the scrimmage, Hightower and three students went to Keystone Lake for about an hour. During the lake visit, two of the students saw Hightower lay her head in the student's lap and refer to him as "babe." Hightower then allegedly purchased beer for the students and then invited them to her home in Terlton. The students told deputies that they drank the beer at Hightower's house, but decided to leave when Hightower and the boy disappeared into a bedroom. The students then left when it became obvious that Hightower and the boy were having sexual intercourse. Although Hightower allegedly coached the two students not to talk about the incident, the students reported what they heard and saw to school officials. Investigators searched Hightower's phone and discovered hundreds of text messages that she exchanged with the student during a four week period. Hightower denied knowing that the student was at the lake or her house. The student denied being at Hightower's house. Both Hightower and the student denied having sexual intercourse. Hightower was booked into jail and charged with second-degree rape and furnishing alcohol to a person under 21.
Tech Support Pits From: Jerry Re: Jumbled typing Dear Webby, I just got a Toshiba Laptop with Windows 7 and cannot do word processing without text being jumbled like crazy. It is frustrating. Help! Jerry Dear Jerry Since you are probably using a mouse anyway, cover that silly touch-pad with a piece of thin cardboard. That way your thumbs won't accidentally touch it and move stuff around. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Your Own Peanut Butter: It's easy to save money on peanut butter. Buy bulk, unsalted peanuts and grind in a blender. Add salt as needed. We get our peanuts for $1.25 lb. I like $2.50 for a big jar of peanut butter, rather than $7 a jar, don't you? By Davidicdancer from Spokane, WA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote all in one place, without having to go there separately for each..

5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff, that you won't keep up anyway." These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process, reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body. Give "Old School - New Body" a try!

At dawn the telephone rings. "Hello, Master Carlos? This is Arnaldo, your country house caretaker." "Ah yes, Mr. Arnaldo. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?" "Um, I am just calling to advise you, sir, that your parrot died." "My parrot? Dead? The one that won the competition?" "That's the one." "Darn! That's such a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. Oh well...what did he die from?" "From eating rotten meat." "Rotten meat? Who was so mean as to give him meat?" "Nobody. He ate the meat of one of the dead horses." "Dead horse? What dead horse, Mr. Arnaldo?" "Why those pure breed ones that you had, sir. They died from all that work pulling the water cart." "Are you insane? What water cart?" "The one we used to put out the fire." "Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?" "The one at your house! A candle fell and then the curtain caught on fire." "What the.....!!! But there's electricity at the house!!!! What was the candle for???" "For the funeral." "WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL???!!!!!" "Your mother-in-law's! She showed up one night, out of the blue and I thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your Tiger Woods Nike Driver." SILENCE.................... "Arnaldo, if you broke that driver, you are fired!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Village Dry Cleaners has relocated to High Street, right next door to St. Joseph's Church. After November 1, Cleanliness Is Next to Godliness.'
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Can't open the attachment 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, October 21

Winter Wonder Land!
Big snowflakes and just enough fog, so that everything has
an orange glow from the streetlights. Just like Christmas,
but thankfully without the ads on the radio.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
2137 -BC- 1st recorded total eclipse of the sun China
1520 Magellan entered the strait which bears his name
1553 Volumes of the Talmud are burned 
1805 Battle of Trafalgar, Adm Nelson defeats French & Spanish fleet & dies 
1915 1st transatlantic radiotelephone message, Arlington, Va to Paris 
1918 Margaret Owen sets world typing speed record of 170 wpm for 1 min 
1945 Women in France allowed to vote for 1st time
1950 Chinese forces occupy Tibet 
1967 Thousands opposing Vietnam War try to storm the Pentagon 
1988 Ferdinand & Imelda Marcos indicted on racketeering charges 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody. --- Benjamin Franklin By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. --- Socrates
A couple just started their Lamaze class and they were given an activity requiring the husband to wear a bag of sand to give him an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant. The husband stood up and shrugged saying, "This doesn't feel so bad." The instructor then dropped a pen and asked the husband to pick it up. "You want me to pick up the pen as if I were pregnant, the way my wife would do it?" the husband asked. "Exactly," replied the instructor. To the delight of the other husbands, he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, pick up that pen for me."
Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, "I bet you don't know what day this is." "Of course I do," he indignantly answered. "How could you think I would forget?" Whereupon he left for the office. At 10 AM, the doorbell rang, and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a box containing a dozen long stemmed red roses. At 1 PM, a foil wrapped, two pound box of her favorite chocolates arrived. Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress. The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come home. "First the flowers, then the chocolate and then the dress!" she exclaimed. "I've never had a more wonderful 'Hedge Hog Day' in all my life!"
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Delicious Revolution Cookbook - Healthy Food For Busy People. 151 Page Cookbook With Over 100 Easy To Make Healthy Meals. Every Recipe Has A Gorgeous Full Color Photograph. This Is A Revolutionary Solution For How To Make & Prepare Deliciously Healthy Meals For Increased Energy And Weight Loss. Sure To Please! Get the Revolution Cookbook now!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Dawn Peel, 50, in St. Paul, MN Kissed Her Boyfriend On The Forehead, Then Tried To Saw His Head Off St. Paul, MN (The Weekly Vice) - Dawn Peel, a Reported by The Weekly Vice Dawn Peel, a 50-year-old Minnesota bonehead was jailed Monday after she allegedly gave her boyfriend a kiss, asked him if he loved her, then attempted to saw through his neck with a knife. According to police, officers were dispatched at 1:45 a.m. after the victim called 911 to report that he had been attacked by his girlfriend. The man had fled from his residence after his girlfriend used a knife to "cut at his neck like she was slaughtering a goat or a cow," according to the arrest report. The man told investigators that he was asleep on the couch when he awoke to find Peel kneeling over him. She then allegedly asked him if he loved her. When he answered "yes" she then kissed him on the forehead and said "this is the last time you'll see my eyes." That's when Peel allegedly put a knife to the victim's neck and began sawing back and forth in a vigorous manner. Investigators say the man was able to escape the slaughter, however he was bleeding heavily from the neck when police arrived on the scene. The man was taken to a local hospital where he received 23 staples in his neck to stop the bleeding. When officers arrived at the his house to question Peel, she answered the door completely naked. When officers asked how much alcohol she had been drinking, Peel answered "not enough." She was booked into the Ramsey County Jail and charged with attempted murder. Her bail has been set at $75,000.
Tech Support Pits From: Lee Re: Mail attachments won't open Dear Webby! Sometime I try to open a piece of mail. A window comes down saying to large for word pad to open. And asks if I want note pad to open it,if i say yes it opens in computer language. which I cant read. What can I do about this. I am 73 yrs old and am a novice at the computer Thank you Lee Dear Lee If you get weird stuff like that, trash it. Trash it without even trying to open it. It's just not worth the hassle. If it does not open normally, it is probably some virus or worm and could really make life difficult. So, when in doubt, trash it. There is plenty of normal mail that opens without hassle. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Clean Bathtub with Powdered Dish Detergent: When your bathtub really gets grimy looking and the bathroom cleaners don't seem to be working, try a scrubby sponge and a bit of powder dish washer soap. It doesn't scratch, but it will get things super clean. By Lynn from WV Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote all in one place, without having to go there separately for each..

5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff, that you won't keep up anyway." These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process, reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body. Give "Old School - New Body" a try!

Liz goes to her first show at an art gallery and is looking at the paintings. One is a huge canvas that has black with yellow blobs of paint splattered all over it. The next painting is a murky gray color that has drips of purple paint streaked across it. Liz walks over to the artist and says, "I don't understand your paintings." "I paint what I feel inside me," explains the artist. "Try Alka-Seltzer!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A young man was having some money problems, and needed $200 to get his car fixed and road-worthy again. But had run out of people to borrow from. So, he calls his parents via the operator, and reverses the charge and says to his father, "Dad, I hate to ask, but I need to borrow 200 dollars." At the other end, his father says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, son, I think there may be a bad line." The boy shouts, "Two hundred. I need two hundred dollars!" "Sorry, I still can't hear you clearly," says his father. The operator cuts in, "Sorry to butt in, But I can hear him perfectly clearly." The father says, "Good. YOU send him the money!"
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When you can't delete files 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, October 20



Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1600 Battle of Sekigahara sets Tokugawa clan as Japan's 
  rulers (shoguns) 
1803 US Senate ratifies the Louisiana Purchase
1813 German Kingdom of Westphalia abolished
1817 1st Mississippi showboat leaves Nashville on maiden voyage
1818 49th parallel established as the border between US & Canada
1818 US & Britain agree to joint control of Oregon country 
1905 Great General Strike in Russia begins; lasts 11 days
1906 Dr Lee DeForest demonstrates his radio tube
1930 British White Paper restricts Jews from buying Arab land 
1944 30 blocks of Cleveland OH burn after a liquid gas factory explodes
1956 58ų F (15ų C), Esperanza Station, Antarctica (Antarctic record high) 
1968 Jacqueline Kennedy marries Aristotle Onassis
1973 OPEC oil embargo begins 
1983 IBM-PC DOS Version 2.1 released 
1990 3 members of 2 Live Crew acquitted on obscenity charges in Florida 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Human beings are the only creatures that allow their children to come back home. --- Bill Cosby Like its politicians and its wars, society has the teenagers it deserves. --- J. B. Priestley Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog. --- Doug Larson
These days, with all the emphasis on one's physical fitness, a new organization has sprung up called "Athletics Anonymous." When you get the urge to play golf, tennis, go power-walking or bicycle riding (or anything else involving a type of physical activity), they send someone over to watch TV with you until the urge passes.
How to Place New Employees in a Proper Department Take the prospective employees you are trying to place and put them in a room with only a table and two chairs. Leave them alone for two hours, without any instruction. At the end of that time, go back and see what they are doing. If they have taken the table apart, put them in Engineering. If they are counting the butts in the ashtray, assign them to Finance. If they are waving their arms and talking out loud, send them to Consulting. If they are talking to the chairs, Personnel is a good spot for them. If they are wearing green sunglasses and need a haircut, Computer Information Systems is their niche. If the room has a sweaty odor, perhaps they're destined for the Help Desk. If they mention what a good price we got for the table and chairs, put them into Purchasing. If they mention that hardwood furniture DOES NOT come from rainforests, Public Relations would suit them well. If they are writing up the experience, send them to the Technical Documents team. If they don't even look up when you enter the room, assign them to Security. If they try to tell you it's not as bad as it looks, send them to Marketing. If they are sleeping, they are Management material.
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Delicious Revolution Cookbook - Healthy Food For Busy People. 151 Page Cookbook With Over 100 Easy To Make Healthy Meals. Every Recipe Has A Gorgeous Full Color Photograph. This Is A Revolutionary Solution For How To Make & Prepare Deliciously Healthy Meals For Increased Energy And Weight Loss. Sure To Please! Get the Revolution Cookbook now!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Kendall Remsing, 35, in New Llano, La. Charged With Incest After He Was Shot In Face By 15-Year-Old Stepdaughter Reported by The Weekly Vice Kendall Remsing, a 35-year-old Louisiana bonehead was jailed Wednesday on incest charges after he was shot in the face by his 15-year-old-step daughter. According to the Vernon Parish Sheriff's Office, an investigation was launched in late May after police received a 911 call stating that a 15-year-old girl had shot her stepfather in the face. Deputies who arrived on the scene took the girl into custody and charged her with attempted second-degree murder. Remsing was transported to Byrd Regional Hospital where he was stabilized and then flown to Rapides Regional Medical Center where he remains in stable, but critical condition. (Mug shot is from a previous arrest) During the investigation, however, Remsing was now been accused of molesting a juvenile family member. Additional evidence was gathered that corroborated the allegation, according to detectives. Remsing has been charged with aggravated incest and molestation of a juvenile. His bond has been set at $100,000.
Tech Support Pits From: Fred Re: Can't get rid of RealPlayer files AS Always---HELP!!! I downloaded some not bad, but stupid stuff to my Real PLayer--- Now I want to get rid of it. But when I send it to the trash I get this--- Cannot delete---Make sure Disk is not full or write protected or not in use???? I have completely removed Real Player from My PC, but the files are still on my desk top---I am attaching one--- Thanks. Fred Dear Fred Are you referring to Real Player program files, or to music and movies ? To get rid of realPlayer, you have to do it through the Program Manager or with the Secure Uninstaller, which gets rid of stuff that the Program Manager can't. In case you still have not got the Secure Uninstaller, it is still at http://webby.com/uninst Nowadays you pretty well need that, because so much stuff is too sneaky for the Program Manager. However, if you mean just music and movies, log on as Administrator and then dump them. If you were too lazy to save the files into a folder made for that purpose, and just littered them onto the desktop, then quite possibly they are "OWNED" by the Administrator, and can't be deleted by a mere User. If you have trouble logging on as administrator, save all openfiles, close all open programs, Hit SMD (Save My Desktop) and then rudely pull the plug. After plugging in again, Windows will ask you, if you want to start up in Safe Mode. In Safe Mode you are automatically the Administrator. As Administrator you can delete anything you want. Keep in mind that Safe Mode quite likely messes up your icon arrangement. That is why it is important to hit SMD before you do that. In some cases, uninstalling a program like RealPlayer with the Program Manager or Secure Uninstaller does not unlock the data files until you reboot. Real reboot, not just restart. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use an Empty Can as a Utensil Holder When Cooking: Here is what I use to prevent spilled mess on my counter when I am cooking. I usually use more than one utensil when I am cooking but never know where to place them during the cooking time as I am still using them. Well, since I usually use some type of canned goods with all my meals, I came up with the following idea. I rinse the can that I used, then I use it as a utensil holder while I am cooking. Once I am done cooking, I place the utensils in the sink, rinse the can again and recycle it. So it's kinda like recycling it twice. The bonus is that it saves a mess to clean off my counter or a plate. By tomnsaby from Albuquerque, NM Cans are too light and get knocked over too easily, plus they don't have space for ladles and flippers. I use a heavy Pyrex 1 liter measuring cup half full of water. Even with an assortment of wooden spoons and ladles it never gets knocked over. The water adds weight and keeps food from hardening on the utensils. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote all in one place, without having to go there separately for each..

5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff, that you won't keep up anyway." These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process, reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body. Give "Old School - New Body" a try!

The fourth-grade class was studying the development of the auto industry. The teacher had emphasized the role played by Henry Ford, whose assembly lines decreased production costs. At the end of the unit, she gave a test including the question: "What did Henry Ford invent that made buying a car more affordable?" One of the brightest students in the class wrote: "0% financing."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
On a recent radio station appearance, "Uncle" Larry Reeb was asked, "Are you a college man?" He replied, "Nope. I stayed HOME and got drunk at home. I couldn't afford that $20,000 cover charge."
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Login Profile Error 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, October 19
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



During the evening, in the middle of work, suddenly the lights
went out. No warning blink, no brown blink, just click, gone.
All the street lights, as far as I could see, were out too.

The only lights still working were the solar lights on a bower
at my northern neighbor, and the solar Christmas lights from 
last year still on a tree in my southern neighbor's yard.

Fine, I figured, I'll sneak off for a nap! 
So as not to get too carried away, I flicked the switch for 
the big ceiling light in the bedroom.

I don't have time to sleep a lot, so when I do go horizontal,
I am sound asleep usually just about the time I pull a cover
over my shoulder. 

Fifteen minutes later I got woken up by the light and various
clicking and popping sounds as the power came back on, but
kept tripping the auto-reset town breakers. That is really 
hard on hard drives, but after four clicks the breakers held
and the power stayed on. So much for my nap.
Well, lots of work to do so I went bat to it.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
125 -BC- Start of Era of Tyre 
1812 Napoleon begins his retreat from Moscow
1872 World's largest gold nugget (215 kg) found in New South Wales
1912 Tripoli (Libya) passes from Turkish to Italian control 
1933 Berlin Olympic Committee vote to introduce basketball in 1936 
1944 US forces land in Philipines
1950 UN forces entered Pyongyang, the capital of North Korea
1951 Pres Truman formally ends state of war with Germany
1960 The US imposes an embargo on exports to Cuba 
1967 Mariner 5 makes fly-by of Venus
1977 Supersonic Concorde jet's 1st landing in NYC
1987 US warships destroy 2 Iranian oil platforms in Persian Gulf 
1988 Senate passes bill curbing ads during children`s TV shows 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it." --- Franklin P. Jones
>From Simon When we moved cross-country, my wife and I decided to drive both of our cars. Nathan, our eight-year-old, worriedly asked, "How will we keep from getting separated?" "We'll drive slowly so that one car can follow the other," I reassured him. "Yeah, but what if we DO get separated?" he persisted. "Well, then I guess we'll never see each other again," I quipped. "Okay," he said. "I'm riding with Mom."
>From Kim: In my job with a credit union, I often run across accounts that are protected by password. The credit-union member, when withdrawing funds, must produce identification and then give the password to the teller. Recently, when I asked a woman for her password, she sighed, rolled her eyes and replied, "SaveDagnabit." I was puzzled until she explained, "My husband used that password so I that I have to say it every time I make a withdrawal."
Back by popular demand!
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Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Delicious Revolution Cookbook - Healthy Food For Busy People. 151 Page Cookbook With Over 100 Easy To Make Healthy Meals. Every Recipe Has A Gorgeous Full Color Photograph. This Is A Revolutionary Solution For How To Make & Prepare Deliciously Healthy Meals For Increased Energy And Weight Loss. Sure To Please! Get the Revolution Cookbook now!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Jennifer Wilcox, 36, Middletown, CT Charged With DUI After Drinking lots of Hand Sanitizer Reported by The Weekly Vice Jennifer Wilcox, a 36-year-old Connecticut woman was jailed for drunk driving Monday after she allegedly drank half a bottle of hand sanitizer. According to police, an officer had just pulled over another vehicle for a traffic infraction when a vehicle that was driven by Wilcox drove past the officer at a high rate of speed and ultimately lost control of her vehicle. The officer approached Wilcox and detected a strong odor of alcohol coming from her person. After failing a field sobriety test, Wilcox reportedly admitted to consuming half of a large bottle of hand sanitizer prior to getting behind the wheel. A typical bottle of hand sanitizer contains about 60% ethyl alcohol (or 120 proof). Drinking half of a large bottle of hand sanitizer would be equivalent to drinking 16 shots of vodka, according to experts. Poison control centers across the country are reporting a spike in the number of cases that involve teens who drink sanitizer as a means to achieve a stolen buzz. Mouthwash was abused in a similar manner until companies that manufactured the product lowered the alcohol content to discourage the practice. A blood alcohol test later revealed that Wilcox was intoxicated at more than twice the legal limit for operating a motor vehicle. Wilcox was booked into jail and charged with DUI. She was released after posting a $500 bond.
Tech Support Pits :From: Lynne Re: Logon Profile Error I cannot access my laptop computer under myself. Only thru the guest port. The error message is "The user profile service service has failed the login. User profile cannot be loaded. What I did just before this happened this morning was to go onto my desktop to remove some old icons. Each time the message came up saying that removal of this icon will not remove it from the computer. Can you direct me to a source that can help me? I am typing this from the "guest" port. Not sure you will get this. I am away from home for 6 more weeks, so I don't have my desktop to help. Lynne Dear Lynne I found this info at Microsoft: http://support.microsoft.com/kb/947215 I hope that helps! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Laundry Detergent Caps For Bathroom Organizing The house I live in does laundry a lot. And, they didn't recycle till I showed them the error of their ways. So, instead of tossing these in the bin, I put them to good use. Here is an example of the things you can do with these wonderful lids! Can you think of about a bazillion more? By Poor But Proud from Sweet Home, OR Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote all in one place, without having to go there separately for each..

5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff, that you won't keep up anyway." These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process, reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body. Give "Old School - New Body" a try!

A salesman, tired of his job, gave it up to become a policeman. Several months later, a friend asked him how he liked his new role. "Well," he replied, "the pay is good and the hours aren't bad, but what I like best is that the customer is always wrong."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Newly wed Angus McKenzie comes in to the room and says to his wife, "I'm going to the pub. Get your coat on." The wife, overjoyed that he has included her in his activity, replies, "Does that mean that you are taking me with you, darling?" Angus replies, "No. I'm turning the off the heat." -------------- I would not be surprised if she comes over here to borrow a bible or warm up a bit.
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Humor: Diskette Error 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, October 18

>From Dr Bill
Re the Ass in the Well - similar tale I used when teaching 
History at Syracuse U. An apocryphal story:  
"Thales, the father of philosophy, postulating all matter 
as consisting of Earth, Air, Fire, and Water,  was getting 
along in years and his vision had gone bad.  One foggy 
night on Miletus, his donkey escaped.  

Grumbling, Thales threw on his grey philosopher's coat 
and went out into the mist calling for his donkey.  
A grey shape loomed before him and he dove at it - 
plunging himself accidentally into his well.  

Cold and Wet, he shouted until his Thracian maid found him 
and got him out - he returned shivering to his home,
blaspheming the Gods - 

This is a noteworthy event in History, in that it is the first 
recorded instance, though by no means the last, 
when a Philosopher didn't know 
his Ass from a hole in the ground."

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1016 Danes defeat Saxons at Battle of Assandun (Ashingdon)
1648 1st US labor organization forms (Boston Shoemakers)
1685 Louis XIV revokes Edict of Nantes, outlaws Protestantism 
1767 Boundary between Md & Pa, the Mason Dixon line, agreed upon 
1867 US takes formal possession of Alaska from Russia ($7.2 million) 
1890 John Owen is 1st to run 100 yd dash in under 10 seconds
1898 American flag raised in Puerto Rico
1908 Belgium annexes Congo Free State 
1944 Soviet troops invade Czechoslovakia during WW II
1962 US launches Ranger 5 for lunar impact; misses Moon
1967 Soviet Venera 4 1st probe to send data back from Venus
1968 Police find 219 grams of cannabis resin in John & Yoko's apt
1979 "Beatlemania" opens in London
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Language is the source of misunderstandings. --- Antoine de Saint-Exupery Do not condemn the judgement of another because it differs from your own. You may both be wrong. --- Dandemis A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B. --- Fats Domino
To help a friend lose weight, I told her that she should switch to lower-fat foods, including skim milk. When she said her family would drink only whole milk, I suggested that she keep their regular container and refill it with skim milk. This worked for quite a while, until her daughter asked one morning whether the milk was okay. "Sure, it's fine," my friend answered, fearing she had been found out. "Why do you ask?" The daughter explained, "Well, according to the expiration date, this milk expired two years ago!"
At a posh dinner party, a Latin American visitor was telling the guests about his home country and himself. As he concluded, he said, "And I have a charming and understanding wife but, alas, no children." As his listeners appeared to be waiting for him to continue, he said, haltingly, "You see, my wife is unbearable." Puzzled glances prompted him to try to clarify the matter: "What I mean is, my wife is inconceivable." As his companions seemed amused, he floundered deeper into the intricacies of the English language, explaining triumphantly, "That is, my wife, she is impregnable!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Brenda Crosdale, 49, Vero Beach, Florida Woman Locked Out Of Car Called 911, Claimed Infant Was Trapped Inside To Get Quicker Response Reported by The Smoking Gun Locked out of her car earlier this month, Brenda Crosdale, 49, called 911 and claimed that an infant was trapped in the vehicle. But when a sheriff’s deputy responded to a “priority one lockout” at Crosdale’s Florida home at around 9 AM on October 6, he “saw no child” inside vehicles parked in the driveway. When Deputy Michael Cavanaugh asked a male on scene about the whereabouts of the infant, the man replied, “Brenda only said that to get you guys here quicker. The deputy then questioned Crosdale inside her Vero Beach home, and “she stated she only said a child was inside her vehicle to get the vehicle open quicker,” according to an Indian River County Sheriff's Office report. Crosdale, a nurse, was then arrested for misuse of the 911 system. Pictured in the above mug shot, Crosdale was briefly booked into jail, where she was released after posting $500 bond on the misdemeanor count. The report did not say whether the deputy busted open the childless car, or made her call a locksmith.
Tech Support Pits :From: Diana Re: Diskette error Dear Webby All of a sudden when I turn on my computer in the morning, a message pops up saying diskette drive failure When I press F1 it starts up ok. I do not have a floppy disk. What is the message and how do I correct it? I know if anybody can answer me, you can. Thanks loads for your newsletter, Diana Dear Diana Sounds like your machine got infected with a really ancient virus. Run a GOOD virus scan, like McAfee, and after that reboot and look VERY carefully for a very brief message during boot-up, before you get color. It will tell you something like F12 for Bios Whatever it is, hit that immediately, before you get color. You may have to shut down and try again. Once you are in the BIOS, you can disable the Floppy drive, and set the boot-up priorities to D: (CD) USB C:\ That way, you can boot up, if necessary, with the Set-Up CD or a rescue set-up on a thumb drive. You can even have a Penguin (Linux fanatic) put "Baby Linux" onto a camera chip and boot up into Linux to salvage data, if Windows gets totally trashed by some virus. It will look for those first, and if those are not there, then it will go for the C: drive. If you try to save 2 seconds of boot-up time and put C: first, the rescue drives are not in the queue. If you have trouble reading that grey on black message, get some kid to watch it. A lot of adults have trouble reading it. Once you got it and know which key to hit to get into the bios, you can put a dot of nail polish onto that F key. A lot of machines even have a setting in the Bios, where you can tell it how long to display that message. Smart-ass kids often shorten that time to 1 or zero, and brag about having tuned the machine to start up 3 seconds faster. If you have a crimson dot on F12 or whatever it is for your machine, that is no problem. In summary: Take A: and B: out of the start-up drive list, and if USB is in the list, make sure something is plugged into the USB port. A camera chip reader works fine. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Your Leaves As Winter Mulch Have you mulched your leaves yet? After spending years raking up those fall leaves, I got pretty tired of having a second set of leaves fall from the Oak trees. I decided to make short work of the job by using my mulch mower and ran the mower over the leaves, which mulched them all and enriched my lawn happily at the same time. The lawn may not be as neat and tidy, but it sure will be happy having all that extra fertilizer on it, and it will be even happier next spring, and so too will you! Go mulch those leaves! Source: Gardeners around the globe By Kghornsten from Davis, CA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote all in one place, without having to go there separately for each..

5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff, that you won't keep up anyway." These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process, reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body. Give "Old School - New Body" a try!

>From Ed Our church was planning a chili supper for the homeless, and my wife, Florence, agreed to prepare four gallons of her rather mild variation. The man in charge of organizing the program asked Florence how she would describe her chili -- three alarm or four alarm. After hearing some of the ingredients that went into other chili donations, my wife replied, "I guess you'd call mine false alarm."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A little girl was wearing one of those Medical Alert bracelets. Someone asked her what the bracelet was for. She replied, "I'm allergic to nuts and eggs." The person asked, "Are you allergic to cats?" The girl said, "I don't know. I don't eat cats."
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How can I fix Error 646 (bug in the bug fix) 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, October 17

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1492 Columbus sights isle of San Salvador (Watling Island, Bahamas) 
1829 Delaware River & Chesapeake Bay Canal formally opened
1855 Bessemer steelmaking process patented
1918 Yugoslavia proclaims itself a republic 
1931 Al Capone convicted of tax evasion, sentenced to 11 years in prison
1933 Albert Einstein arrives in the US, a refugee from Nazi Germany
1956 England's 1st large scale nuclear power station opens 
1961 NY Museum of Modern Art hung Henri Matisse's "Le Bateau" 
upside-down, It wasn't corrected until December 3rd 
1973 5-mo oil embargo by Arab states against US & Netherlands begins 
1977 Canada begins regular live TV coverage of Parliament 
1977 West German commandos storm hijacked Lufthansa in Mogadishu, 
Somalia freeing all 86 hostages & killing 3 of the 4 hijackers 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives. --- Abba Eban "If money is your hope for independence, you will never have it. The only real security that a man will have in this world is a reserve of knowledge, experience, and ability." --- Henry Ford
Morris realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but he felt unwilling to spend much money. "How much do they cost ?" he asked the salesperson. "That depends," he said. "They run from $2.00 to $2,000." "Let's see the $2.00 model," said Morris the miser. The salesperson put the device around Morris' neck. "You just stick this button in your ear and run this little string down to your pocket," he instructed. "How does it work?" , asked Morris. "For $2.00 it doesn't work," the salesperson replied. "But when people see it on you, they'll talk louder!"
Two salesmen were going door to door. They knocked on the door of a woman who clearly was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms she did not want to hear their message and then slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise, the door did not close. In fact, it bounced back open. Seeing the two salesmen at the door frustrated her. She stormed back to the door and flung it shut. But the door still didn't close. Furious, she grabbed the door with two hands and shoved it as hard as she could. But again, the door wouldn't shut. Convinced one of these rude salesmen was sticking a foot in the door, she reared back to give the door a slam that would really teach them a lesson. Just then, one of the salesmen said, "Ma'am, before you do that again, you might want to move your cat."
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Delicious Revolution Cookbook - Healthy Food For Busy People. 151 Page Cookbook With Over 100 Easy To Make Healthy Meals. Every Recipe Has A Gorgeous Full Color Photograph. This Is A Revolutionary Solution For How To Make & Prepare Deliciously Healthy Meals For Increased Energy And Weight Loss. Sure To Please! Get the Revolution Cookbook now!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Ashley Stewart, 24, Streetsboro, OH Charged With DUI After Speeding Down Wrong Side Of Highway Reported by The Weekly Vice Ashley Stewart, a 24-year-old Ohio woman was charged with drunk driving Saturday after she was caught speeding the wrong direction down a freeway at 3:17 in the morning. According to Streetsboro police, officers were dispatched after receiving a report that a vehicle was traveling eastbound on the westbound side of I-480. Investigators say officers activated lights and sirens after catching up to Stewart's vehicle as it continued down the wrong side of the highway. Stewart allegedly ignored officers' attempts to stop her as the chase reached speeds of up to 80 miles per hour. The chase was finally brought to an end on State Route 41 near Shady Lake Drive when an officer pulled in front of Stewart's vehicle and forced her to stop. Stewart then refused to submit to a breathalyzer test at the scene. She was booked into jail and charged with failure to comply with the signal of a police officer and operating a vehicle while intoxicated.
Tech Support Pits :From: Rndall Re: Windows bugfix error 646 Dear Webby, For the last week or so i have been getting a update warning to update my laptop.So I click on the update button and it goes out to the update screen but then i get code 646 warning. the update didn't take effect. some kind of security update. And the update warning is still showing. I looked into the help and support queries but that is no help...I know you have the answer i am looking for ...love your news and jokes..keep up the great work...have a good week. Radall Dear Randall Do you have an HP (or Compaq or eMachines) laptop? 646 is a bug in the bugfix. A fix for buggy bugfix is at http://support.microsoft.com/kb/2258121 Microsoft says that might possibly work. If it doesn't, they say you can try re-installing Microsoft Office and wait for the next update in November. They will get organized really soon, they hope. Personally, if you have McAfee running, then there is no need to panic. It will catch anybody trying to get in through the holes in Office. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Freezing Eggs: Until a good friend shared this tip with me, I did not know that fresh eggs can be whisked together and frozen for up to six months. I have been doing this for over a year now. I buy large eggs when they are on sale in the 18 pack cartons. I keep out about six for use in the fridge and then whisk together whites and yolks of the remaining 12 eggs until just combined. I then measure them into my ice ice-cube trays, using 3 Tbsp. of the mixture per segment (3 Tbsp. is equivalent to 1 large egg). Freeze until solid, then transfer cubes to a freezer bag for up to 6 months. Don't forget to date the freezer bag. When ready to use take out one or more and thaw in the refrigerator. By Bobbie G from Rockwall, TX Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote all in one place, without having to go there separately for each..

5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff, that you won't keep up anyway." These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process, reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body. Give "Old School - New Body" a try!

One day a farmer's donkey fell into a well. The animal cried pitifully for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided that the donkey was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; so it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the animal. He invited all his neighbors to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement, he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer looked down the well and was astonished; with every shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and trotted off! Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a stepping stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up! Enough of that! The donkey later came back and kicked the last three meals out of the farmer who had tried to bury him. Moral: When you try to cover your ass, it always comes back to get you.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Two Jewish men are on a train across Poland, each on his way to meet a prospective bride on the other side of the country. Halfway there, the first turns to the second and says, "Forget about this whole marriage thing. I just don't like the idea." So he gets off at the next stop and makes his way back home. Meanwhile, the second man continues on and is met at the final destination by the mothers of the two prospective brides. When the mothers realize what has happened, they instantly begin to fight over whose daughter should wed this precious man. "He's mine!" cries one. "Not on your life," cries the other, "He will marry my daughter!" After bickering for a while, the man and the two mothers decide to go the local rabbi and ask him to resolve the situation. In the grand tradition of the ancients, the rabbi replies, "Well, there is only one solution to this problem. Cut the boy in half, and you each take half home with you." At this, the first mother looks shocked, while the second mother grins and cries emphatically, "Yah! Cut him in half!!" The rabbi points to the second mother and says, "THAT is the real mother-in-law. Case closed."
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Internet Explorer stuck on 404 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, October 16

I was trying to find a name and mug shot of a Bus driver in
New Berlin, Wisconsin, but their local media plastered 
pictures and name and address of her victim all over, but
frantically protected the evil driver,
who is now sorry, that she lost her job.

I did find out the first name of the bus driver: Carol
She did not like the fact, tht a 12 year old kid was not
an Obama fan like her, and told him that his mother
should have chosen abortion for him.

To say that to a 12 year old kid is deep down evil, 
and the school bus company fired her. However,
to issue a Bonehead Award I need a picture and
full name.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1775 Portland, Maine burned by British
1781 Washington takes Yorktown 
1876 Race riot at Cainhoy SC (5 whites & 1 black killed) 
1923 Disney Co founded 
1925 Texas School Board prohibits teaching of evolution
1926 Troop ship sinks in Yangtze River, killing 1,200 
1941 Germany advances within 60 miles (96 K) of Moscow
1946 10 Nazi leaders hanged as war criminals after Nuremberg trials
1962 Cuban missile crisis began as JFK becomes aware of missiles in Cuba 
1964 Brezhnev & Kosygin replace Krushchev as head of Russia
1964 China becomes world's 5th nuclear power 
1978 Polish Cardinal Karol Wojtyla elected pope-John Paul II 
1985 Intel introduces 32-bit 80386 microcomputer chip 
1990 US forces reach 200,000 in the Persian Gulf 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income. --- Errol Flynn Everything is vague to a degree you do not realize till you have tried to make it precise. --- Bertrand Russell There is scarcely anything in the world that some man cannot make a little worse, and sell a little more cheaply. The person who buys on price alone is this man's lawful prey. --- John Ruskin
The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep. Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, "Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?" The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars." "What that tell you?" asked Tonto. The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What's it tell you, Tonto?" "You're dumber then buffalo pies. Someone stole tent."
Becky prepared a pasta dish for a dinner party she was giving. In her haste, however, she forgot to refrigerate the spaghetti sauce, and it sat on the counter all day. She was worried about spoilage, but it was too late to cook up another batch. She called the local Poison Control Center and voiced her concern. They advised Becky to boil the sauce again. That night, the phone rang during dinner, and a guest volunteered to answer it. Becky's face dropped as the guest called out, "It's the Poison Control Center. They want to know how the spaghetti sauce turned out."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Nicole Boover, 19, New Orleans, Louisiana Nathan Yuhas, 18, New Orleans, Louisiana She Wanted Her $500,000 Inheritance Now Attempts To Shoot Mother Dead Reported by The Weekly Vice Louisiana State University students Nicole Boover, 19, and Nathan Yuhas, 18, were jailed Monday after Boover allegedly agreed to pay Yuhas $50,000 to assist her in murdering her own mother. Boover, police say, was after a $500,000 inheritance which she planned to receive from her mother's death. According to New Orleans police, Boover planned to shoot her mother and then profit from her mother's death. She offered to give Yuhas a $50,000 cut of her inheritance if he would help with the murder plot. Boover and Yuhas purchased gloves, duct tape, and a "Scream" styled Halloween mask in preparation for the shooting. Investigators say Boover knocked on her mother's apartment door at around 4:30 a.m. and smiled innocently through the door's peep hole. When Boover's mother opened the door, she saw Boover pointing a gun at her. Mrs. Boover slammed the door shut as Boover fired three shots into the door. Boover fled the scene with Yuhas and drove back to the LSU campus. Boover's step-father called police and reported the incident. Officers found Boover's car on the LSU campus, with Yuhas sitting inside of it. Boover was found in her dorm room. Both suspects were apprehended. Boover was booked into the New Orleans Parish Prison and charged with attempted first-degree murder. She is currently being held in lieu of a $500,000 bond. She was unable to afford a lawyer, and was assigned a public defender. Yuhas was booked into the New Orleans Parish Prison and charged with being a principal to attempted first-degree murder. He was released after posting $100,000 bond.
VIP Video Converter is a reliable, user friendly and affordable video converting software. It allows you to convert video files to various key video formats, and lots of audio file formats as well. Under $10 for a lifetime license!

Tech Support Pits :From: Mary Lou Re: Internet Explorer stuck on 404 Dear Webby, I am having trouble gettig my "Internet Explorer" to perform it's duty. How can I get it back on track? When I try to open it, i tells me it canot display the web site/page. Did I ask you this once befor? Please excuse me if I am repeating a request, but you are so brilliant, I thought I'd ask in case I failed to conact your expertise. ML Dear Mary Lou Somehow your start / home page got changed to some weird address, that is no longer available. When it gives you that error message, type into the address bar: http://webby.com/humor After that it should be OK again. You might also have to edit the start / home page, and put an address in there, that will be guaranteed working, like the address of the Humor Letter. Quite likely you installed some flakey program, that put their own site as your start / home page into Internet Explorer, but because they are so flakey, they got shut down, and since then you get a 404 (page not found). Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Smash Nuts for Baking: Do you ever need finely crushed nuts in your recipe, but only have whole walnuts in your cupboard? No problem! An easy way I discovered to crush the nuts is to place them on a large sheet of wax paper, fold the wax paper over the top of the nuts and use a rolling pin to crush the nuts, pushing down and rolling. No mess, no fuss, and easy! By Linn from Dartmouth, Nova Scotia Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote all in one place, without having to go there separately for each..

5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff, that you won't keep up anyway." These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process, reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body. Give "Old School - New Body" a try!

Two fathers-to-be met in the maternity waiting room. "Can you believe this? The first day of our vacation, and she goes into labor!" The second one looks at the first and says, "What do you have to complain about? This is our honeymoon!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
If GH can stand for P as in Hiccough If OUGH can stand for O as in Dough If PHTH can stand for T as in Phthisis If EIGH can stand for A as in Neighbor If TTE can stand for T as in Gazette If EAU can stand for O as in Plateau Then the right way to spell POTATO should be: "GHOUGHPHTHEIGHTTEEAU"
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