Good Morning,  !

Thank you, Texas Y.!

Today is Thursday, November 21.
The "warming", that was forecast for Wednesday, 
has been postponed. I am really cheered, when they
say it will "warm up to -13". I selected a parking spot
in the sun when I went to the post office today.

On Nov. 28, 2013, for the first and only time in any of 
our lifetimes, the first day of Hanukkah falls on the 
same day as Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving + Hanukkah = Thanksgivukkah.
Some excellent recipes there!

Have FUN!
DearWebby




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After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have 
no monument than why I have one.
--- Cato the Elder (234 BC - 149 BC)

By a curious confusion, many modern critics have passed 
from the proposition that a masterpiece may be unpopular 
to the other proposition that unless it is unpopular 
it cannot be a masterpiece.
--- G. K. Chesterton (1874 - 1936)


As a young married couple, a husband and a wife lived in a
cheap housing complex near the base where he was working.
Their chief complaint was that the walls were paper-thin and
that they had no privacy. This was painfully obvious when
one morning the husband was upstairs and the wife was
downstairs on the telephone.  She was interrupted by the
doorbell and went to greet her neighbor.

"Give this to your husband," he said thrusting a roll of
toilet paper into her hands. "He's been yelling for it for
15 minutes!"


The local high school has a policy that the parents must call   
the school if a student is to be absent for the day. Alice   
deciding to skip school and go to the mall with her friends.   
So she waited until her parents had left for work and called   
the school herself.   

"Hi, I'm calling to report that Alice is unable to make it   
to school today because she is ill."   

Secretary at high school answered, "I'm sorry to hear that.   
I'll note her absence. Who is this calling please?"   

"This is my mother."  
  

 

A motorcycle enthusiast complained that he couldn't decide   
whether to buy a bike with high top speed and poor acceler-   
ation, or one with lots of torque and fast acceleration,   
but a poor top speed. Eventually he decided on the second   
one, because it cost a lot less. After all, torque is chaep!   




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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Beverly Lunsford, 27, Paris, Maine 

Jailed After Snorting Drugs Before 
Attending Parent-Teacher Conference, 
Resisting Arrest

Reported by The Weekly Vice
Beverly Lunsford, a 27-year-old Maine woman, has been 
jailed after she allegedly showed up intoxicated to a 
parent-teacher conference and refused to leave without 
a fight.

According to police, officers were dispatched to Dirigo 
Elementary School Wednesday afternoon after receiving a 
report that an woman had arrived at the school intoxicated.

Investigators say Lunsford and her child arrived at the 
school to attend parent-teacher conferences. Witnesses at 
the school became concerned when Lunsford took more than 
15 minutes to park her vehicle and appeared to be 
intoxicated.

When officers questioned Lunsford about her driving, she 
claimed that her vehicle was having a power steering issue. 
She also claimed that she had taken prescription medication 
that she had a prescription for.

Officers attempted to take Lunsford into custody after she 
failed a field sobriety test, however, Lunsford would have 
no part of it. Lunsford allegedly resisted arrest while 
screaming and swearing at the officer. Her resistance was 
so intense, according to the arrest report, the officer 
was forced to drag the woman from the school gymnasium 
all the way to his cruiser.

Once inside the cruiser, Lunsford continued to scream 
and swear at other parents who were attending conferences.

At one point Lunsford complained that she couldn't breathe 
and that her handcuffs had cut into her wrists. Officers 
responded by calling paramedics, who examined Lunsford at 
the scene. She was transported to jail following the exam.

Lunsford later admitted that she had snorted busiprone - 
a drug that is used to treat anxiety. Officers later 
recovered the straw she used to snort the medication.

She was booked into jail and charged with disorderly 
conduct, refusing to submit to arrest, unlawful possession 
of drugs and violating  conditions of release. She was 
released after posting $500 bail.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Hank
Re: Google Chrome vs Firefox

Dear Webby,
I trust that you were able to meet this financial deadfall.
I sure do enjoy your daily humor letter.
I pray that all will go well with you eye injection.
 
I have just installed Google Chrome in order to use gmail 
more effectively.
How do you rate Google Chrome against Mozilla Firefox?
I have used Firefox as my browser for several years and 
it is far superior To IE. I don't know about Chrome. 
What is your take on this?
 
Thanks
hank

Dear Hank
Chrome is very basic, but there are more and more add-ons 
getting written for it. 

Your FireFox most likely slowed down because of all the apps 
and add-ons and extensions you piled on it over the years. 
Not all of them un-install cleanly.

If you compared a bare bones FireFox to a bare-bones Chrome, 
they would be about the same speed.

Except for the sloppy and unreliable bookmarks in FireFox, 
with just a few add-ons it is the most comfortable browser 
around. 

If you try to get the same conveniences with Chrome, you 
probably can't. Not yet anyway, but even getting close 
will slow it down.

The biggest factor for speed is a fast Internet connection, 
not the browser. 

Keep in mind, though, you CAN run Chrome side by side with
FireFox, and use Chrome for Gmail and FireFox for browsing.
AND you can even open Safari at the same time to read eBooks.
The Mac Safari browser is rather lame, but has superior font
handling and is easiest on the eyes for reading books. For 
reading books speed is not important.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Tissue to Tell if Heat Is Running
Do you ever wonder if the heat is running but can't hear 
it because of the TV or some other noises? Tape a piece of 
toilet tissue to the register and when the heat is running, 
the air from the heat system will blow it up and you can see 
it waving. When the system is off, the tissue will be laying 
flat on the register. 

By Litter Gitter 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog

>From Dave
A good friend of mine warned me that, as my three daughters 
became old enough to date, I'd disapprove of every young 
man who took them out.

When the time came, I was pleased that my friend's prediction 
was wrong. Each boy was pleasant and well mannered.

Talking to my daughter Joanna one day, I said that I liked 
all the young men she and her sisters brought home.

"You know, Dad," she replied, "we don't show you everybody."




Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


Standing on the sidelines during a football game at my son's   
high school, I saw one of the players take a hard hit. He   
tumbled to the ground and didn't move. We grabbed our first-   
aid gear and rushed out onto the field.   

The coach picked up the young man's hand and urged, "Son,   
can you hear me? Squeeze once for yes and twice for no."  




» Crystal Palace




Today, Nov 21, in
1620 The Mayflower reached Provincetown, MA. The ship 
 discharged the Pilgrims at Plymouth, MA, on December 
 26, 1620.
1783 The first successful flight was made in a hot air 
 balloon. The pilots, Francois Pilatre de Rosier and 
 Francois Laurent, Marquis d'Arlandes, flew for 25 minutes 
 and 5½ miles over Paris.
1871 M.F. Galethe patented the cigar lighter.
1877 Thomas A. Edison announced the invention of his 
 phonograph.
1929 Spanish surrealist Salvador Dali had his first 
 art exhibit.
1942 The Alaska highway across Canada was formally opened.
1953 British Natural History Museum authorities announced 
 that "Piltdown Man" was a hoax.
1962 U.S. President Kennedy terminated the quaratine 
 measures against Cuba.
1963 U.S. President John F. Kennedy and his wife, Jacqueline, 
 arrived in San Antonio, TX. They were beginning an ill-fated, 
 two-day tour of Texas that would end in Dallas.
1973 U.S. President Richard M. Nixon's attorney, J. Fred Buzhardt, 
 announced the presence of an 18½-minute gap in one of the White 
 House tape recordings related to the Watergate case.
1979 The U.S. Embassy in Islamabad, Pakistan, was attacked by 
 a mob that set the building afire and killed two Americans.
1980 87 people died in a fire at the MGM Grand Hotel-Casino 
 in Las Vegas, NV.
1985 Former U.S. Navy intelligence analyst Jonathan Jay 
 Pollard was arrested after being accused of spying for 
 Israel. He was later sentenced to life in prison.
1987 An eight-day siege began at a detention center in 
 Oakdale, LA, as Cuban detainees seized the facility 
 and took hostages.
1989 The proceedings of Britain's House of Commons 
 were televised live for the first time.
1992 U.S. Senator Bob Packwood, issued an apology but refused 
 to discuss allegations that he'd made unwelcome sexual 
 advances toward 10 women in past years.
1994 NATO warplanes bombed an air base in Serb-held Croatia 
 that was being used by Serb planes to raid the Bosnian 
 "safe area" of Bihac.
1995 France detonated its fourth underground nuclear blast 
 at a test site in the South Pacific.
1999 China announced that it had test-launched an unmanned 
 space capsule that was designed for manned spaceflight.
2000 The Florida Supreme Court granted Al Gore's request 
 to keep the presidential recounts going.
2001 Microsoft Corp. proposed giving $1 billion in computers, 
 software, training and cash to more than 12,500 of the 
 poorest schools in the U.S. The offer was intended as part 
 of a deal to settle most of the company's private antitrust 
 lawsuits.
2002 NATO invited Latvia, Estonia, Lithuania, Bulgaria, 
 Romania, Slovakia and Slovenia to become members.

Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, November 20.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




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There are only two ways of telling the complete truth--
anonymously and posthumously.
--- Thomas Sowell (1930 - )

Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those
in touch with it.
--- Jane Wagner


Words Women Use (And What They Mean)

FINE
This is the word we use at the end of any argument that
we feel we are right about but need to shut you up.
NEVER use fine to describe how a woman looks. This
will cause you to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes
that your football game is going to last before you take
out the trash, so it's an even trade.

NOTHING
This means something and you should be on your toes.
"Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a
woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside
down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an
argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with
the word "Fine".

GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows)
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting
upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".

GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows)
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because
I don't care". You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead"
in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine"
and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when
she cools off.

LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal
statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means
she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting 
her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".

SOFT SIGH
Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs"
are one of the few things that some men actually understand.
She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and
she will stay content.

THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman
can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to
think long and hard before paying you retributions for what
ever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with
 the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow
"Go Ahead". At some point in the near future when she has
plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big
trouble.

PLEASE DO
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving
you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason
you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You
have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you
shouldn't get a "That's Okay".

THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint, 
just say you're welcome.

THANKS A LOT
This is much different from "Thanks". A woman will say,
"Thanks A. Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It
signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way,
and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not
to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh", as she will
only tell you "Nothing".


After Jane's son fell into the pond yet again and came home
with his good school clothes dripping wet, the exasperated
Jane sent him to his room and washed and dried his clothes.

A little later, Jane heard a commotion in the back yard.
She called out "Are you out there wetting your pants
again!?"

There was dead silence for a moment. Then a deep,
masculine voice answered meekly,
"No, ma'am, I'm just reading the meter."
  

 

An old rabbi is talking with one of his friends and says
with a warm smile, "I gladdened seven hearts today."

"Seven hearts?" asks the friend. "How did you do that?"

The rabbi strokes his beard and replies, "I performed three
marriages."

The friend looks at him quizzically. "Seven?" he asks. "I
could understand six, but..."

"Well, what do you think," says the rabbi,
"that this for free I do?"




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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

 Jennifer Lee Herrington, 51, Orlando, Floriduh

Jailed After Killing Boy at Crosswalk
With Her Car, Fleeing and Leaving the
Boy to Die.

Reported by The Weekly Vice
Jennifer Lee Herrington, a 51-year-old Florida woman, was 
jailed Monday after she tried to flee the scene after she 
ran down a 13-year-old boy with car at a crosswalk, then 
tried to flee scene.

According to police, Herrington was driving at the 
intersection of North Semoran Blvd. and Old Cheney Highway 
when she blew a red light nd struck 13-year-old Omar 
Figueroa on the crosswalk with her car. 

Witnesses told officers that Herrington ignored a red light 
and struck Figueroa while he was using the crosswalk at 
around 7 p.m. Sunday night. 

Investigators say the impact of the hit threw the boy some 
distance. He was taken to Arnold Palmer Hospital where he 
was pronounced dead a short time later.

After striking Figueroa, Herrington reportedly tried to 
flee the scene in her vehicle, leaving Figueroa behind to 
die. Her vehicle was stopped about a block down the road 
when she became wedged between two other cars while 
attempting to squeeze in between them during the failed 
escape.

A witness seized the opportunity to grab Herrington's keys 
out of her ignition while her car was stopped. Herrington 
reportedly slapped the witness's hands has he fought to 
get the keys.

Witnesses held Herrington inside her car until Troopers 
arrived on the scene. She was then taken to Winter Park 
Hospital where blood was drawn prior to her incarceration.

She was booked into the Orange County Jail and charged with 
leaving the scene of a deadly crash, with further charges 
pending.

She remains held in lieu of $10,000 bond.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Mannie
Re: Hide key

Dear Webby,
You mentioned a key once for hiding what somebody is doing,
but I did not write it down. Can you please tell me again?
Mannie

Dear Mannie
The easiest and BEST way to do that is to use ALT plus TAB.
Open the spreadsheet or document, that you are supposed to 
be working on, then open Email or Farmville or wherever you 
plan to goof off on. When the boss comes by, hit ALT plus 
TAB, and you instantly jump to whatever you were in, before 
you opened Farmporn.

The escape-to program should be opened full screen, without
any Solitaire cards or whatever peeking around the edges.
It looks good if you actually start a bit into your work.

When the boss is gone, ALT TAB back to where you are not 
supposed to be. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby




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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Keeping Brown Sugar Soft 
Here is my tip for keeping brown sugar moist. 
Use marshmallows! You can use bread, but bread gets 
moldy and then you have to replace it. Not so with 
marshmallows!

By Elaine S. from near Cedar Rapids, IA 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog

This quiz has been around since we were kids.
Do you remember the answers?


1. If a plane crashed on the border of the USA and Canada,
where should the survivors be buried?
2. How many species of each animal did Moses take
aboard the ark?
3. How many months have 28 days?
4. How far can a bear walk into the woods?
5. What is the value of coin dated 24 B.C.?
6. How many grooves does a 45rpm phonograph record have?
7. A camper leaves her camp, hikes 1 mile south, then
1 mile east where she sees a bear. Then she hikes 1 mile
north to arrive at her camp. What color is the bear?
8. If a rooster lays an egg on the peak of a roof , will
the egg roll to the left side or to the right side?
9. If a south bound electric train is traveling at a rate
of 66 miles per hour and the wind is blowing to the north
at 35 miles per hour, which way will the smoke blow?
10. On which side of a chicken are the most feathers?


ANSWERS:
1. You don't bury survivors.
2. Moses didn't have an Ark, Noah did.
3. All twelve of them.
4. Half way, then he is walking out of the woods.
5. Nothing, a coin could not be dated BC.
6. One (spiraling) on each side.
7. The camp must be at the north pole,
           therefore the bear is white.
8. Roosters don't lay eggs, chickens do.
9. Electric trains don't blow smoke.
10. The outside.




Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


A patient was waiting nervously in the
examination room of a famous specialist.

"So who did you see before coming to me?"
asked the important doctor.

"My local General Practitioner, Dr. Cohen."

"Your GP?" scoffed the doctor.  "What a waste of time.
Tell me, what sort of stupid and useless advice did
Cohen give you?"

"He told me to go and see you, pretty dumb advice, 
isn't it?"




» Pebbles




Today, Nov 20, in
1789 New Jersey became the first state to ratify the 
 Bill of Rights.
1818 Simon Bolivar formally declared Venezuela independent 
 of Spain.
1873 Budapest was formed when the rival cities of Buda and 
 Pest were united to form the capital of Hungary.
1901 The second Hay-Pauncefoot Treaty provided for construction 
 of the Panama Canal by the U.S.
1910 Francisco I. Madero led a Mexican revolution
1943 During World War II, U.S. Marines began their landing on 
 Tarawa and Makin atolls in the Gilbert Islands.
1945 24 Nazi leaders went before an international war crimes 
 tribunal in Nuremberg, Germany.
1947 Britain's Princess Elizabeth married Philip Mountbatten, 
 Duke of Edinburgh in Westminster Abbey.
1959 Britain, Norway, Portugal, Switzerland, Austria, Denmark 
 and Sweden met to create the European Free Trade Association.
1962 The Cuban Missile Crisis ended. The Soviet Union removed 
 its missiles and bombers from Cuba and the U.S. ended its 
 blockade of the island.
1967 The Census Clock at the Department of Commerce in 
 Washington, DC, went past 200 million.
1969 The Nixon administration announced a halt to residential 
 use of the pesticide DDT as part of a total phase out of the 
 substance.
1983 An estimated 100 million people watched the controversial 
 ABC-TV movie "The Day After." The movie depicted the outbreak 
 of nuclear war.
1988 Egypt and China announced that they would recognize the 
 Palestinian state proclaimed by the Palestine National Council.
1989 Over 200,000 people rallied peacefully in Prague, 
 Czechoslovakia, demanding democratic reforms.
1990 Saddam Hussein ordered another 250,000 Iraqi troops into 
 the country of Kuwait.
1990 The space shuttle Atlantis landed at Cape Canaveral, FL, 
 after completing a secret military mission.
1992 A fire seriously damaged the northwest side of Windsor 
 Castle in England.
1993 The U.S. Senate passed the Brady Bill and legislation 
 implementing NAFTA.
1994 The Angolan government and rebels signed a treaty in 
 Zambia to end 19 years of war.
1995 Princess Diana admitted being unfaithful to Prince 
 Charles in an interview that was broadcast on BBC Television.
1998 Afghanistan's Taliban militia offered Osama bin Laden 
 safe haven. Osama bin Laden had been accused of orchestrating 
 two U.S. embassy bombings in Africa and later terrorist 
 attacks on New York City and the Pentagon.
1998 Forty-six states agreed to a $206 billion settlement of 
 health claims against the tobacco industry. The industry 
 also agreed to give up billboard advertising of cigarettes.
2013  smiled

Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, November 19.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




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Once science developed theories to fit the facts, 
nowadays science fakes theories to suit the grant givers.
--- DearWebby

Political Correctness:
A doctrine fostered bya delusional, illogical liberal
minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous
mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition
that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the
clean end.
--- Kati


>From Roland
The executive officer of the unit where I worked in the 
National Guard Armory went to a government office to take 
care of some business.

The clerk there gave him two index cards with identical 
questions on them. The officer filled both out, but when 
he handed them in, he asked the clerk why she needed two 
cards with the same information.

Stapling the cards together, she said, "That's in case 
we lose one."


Out for a run one fine morning in Central Park, Bob the 
Jogger spotted a brand new tennis ball.

Seeing no one around, he stooped over, picked it up and 
slipped it into the pocket of his shorts. After finishing 
his run around the reservoir, he headed back to his 
apartment, pausing only momentarily at Central Park West 
to wait for the light to change.

A young lady standing next to him eyed the large bulge in 
his shorts.
"What's that?" she asked.

"Tennis ball," came the breathless reply.

"Oh, my goodness," she said sympathetically, 
"I can only imagine how painful that must be..... 
I once had tennis elbow."
  

 

When you're hospitalized, it pays to be nice to your
nurse, even when you're feeling miserable.
A bossy union steward learned the hard way after ordering
his nurses around as if they were his employees.
But the head nurse stood up to him.

One morning she entered his room and announced, "I have
to take your temperature."

After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled
down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth.
"No, I'm sorry, the nurse stated, "but for this reading,
I can't use an oral thermometer."

This started another round of complaining, but eventually
he rolled over and bared his bottom.

After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard
her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay just
like that until I get back!"

She left the door to his room open on her way out, and he
cursed under his breath as he heard people walking past
his door laughing. After almost an hour, the man's
doctor came into the room.

"What's going on here?" asked the doctor.

Angrily, the man answers, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't
you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?"

"Yes," said the doctor. "But never with a carnation."




Click on the picture for the large version
That picture above reminded me of the view from my outhouse 
when I was living in the bush in the Yukon, until I put in 
an indoor toilet. My house overlooked the Yukon valley and 
in winter quite often it was filled with clouds. I had a 
nice window in the outhouse door, and the view of the roiling 
clouds was often quite hypnotic. On Sundays quite often 
friends came visiting from town, just to spend time sitting 
in my (well insulated) outhouse and meditate. 
The clouds were a bit lower down, and there were no tourists
camping on the slope below the outhouse.

The view was the same from the kitchen and the living room,
but it just was not the same as when sitting "in the pyramid",
the pyramid shaped outhouse.

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Kristie Flores, 31, Saginaw, MI

Jailed After Repeatedly Raping 
Underage Girl Over Four-Year Period
Plus extortion attempt

Reported by The Weekly Vice
Kristie Flores, a 31-year-old Michigan woman, has been 
jailed after she allegedly had a 4-year-long sexual 
relationship with a girl under the age of 13.

According to police, Flores sexually assaulted a girl under 
the age of 13 repeatedly from June 2009 until June of this year.

According to the charging documents, at least three of the 
sexual encounters occurred while the child was under the age 
of 13 and involved penetration.

Flores was booked into jail and charged with three counts of 
first-degree sexual conduct against someone under the age 
of 13, extortion and accosting a child for immoral purposes. 
A preliminary hearing has been set for November 19.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: OP
Re: 32 bit to 64 bit computer

Dear Webby,
is there a way to go from a 32 bit to a 64 bit without
buying a new computer?
thanks,
OP

Dear OP
No, there isn't.
Contact your computer's tech support and ask them how 
to format and re-install Windows from the hidden partition.
After that it will be as fast as it was on the day your 
first bought it. That is the most speed you will ever get
from that hardware.

Most likely, though, the slowness you notice is not really 
your computer but your Internet connection. There are many
sites, that let you test that, My favorite one is the 
Internet Frog.
Check to see if you are getting the speed, that you are 
paying for.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Keeping Brown Sugar Soft 
Here is my tip for keeping brown sugar moist. 
Use marshmallows! You can use bread, but bread gets 
moldy and then you have to replace it. Not so with 
marshmallows!

By Elaine S. from near Cedar Rapids, IA 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog

An 80 year old couple was worried because they kept
forgetting things all the time.

The doctor assured them there was nothing seriously
wrong except old age, and suggested they simply carry a
pocket notebook and write things down so as not to
forget.

Several days later, the old man got up to go to the
kitchen.

His wife said, "Dear, get me a bowl of ice cream while
you're up."

He says, "OK."

She says, "...and put some chocolate syrup on it. You'd
better write that down."

He says, "I won't forget."

She says, "and put a few cherries on it, too. You'd
better write all this down."

He says, "I won't forget."

He comes back in twenty minutes and hands her a plate
of scrambled eggs and bacon.

She says, "Darn it!, I told you to write it down. I
knew you'd forget."

He says, "What did I forget?"

She says, "I wanted my eggs sunny side up!"




Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


When we were looking to buy property I had this over zealous
realtor show us what can only be described as a totally worn-
out old farm.  I mean the land had just been worked to death.
The weeds were hardly even growing.

The smiling super salesman said, "Now really, all this land
needs is a little water, a nice cool breeze and some good
people."

I replied, "Yeah, I agree, but couldn't the same be said 
of Hell?"




» Completely Calorie Free




Today, Nov 18, in
1794 Britain's King George III signed the Jay Treaty. It 
resolved the issues left over from the Revolutionary War.
1850 The first life insurance policy for a woman was issued. 
 Carolyn Ingraham, 36 years old, bought the policy in 
 Madison, NJ.
1863 U.S. President Lincoln delivered his Gettysburg Address 
 as he dedicated a national cemetery at the site of the Civil 
 War battlefield in Pennsylvania.
1893 The first newspaper color supplement was published 
 in the Sunday New York World.
1895 The "paper pencil" was patented by Frederick E. Blaisdell.
1919 The U.S. Senate rejected the Treaty of Versailles with 
 a vote of 55 in favor to 39 against. A two-thirds majority 
 was needed for ratification.
1928 "Time" magazine presented its cover in color for the 
 first time. The subject was Japanese Emperor Hirohito.
1942 During World War II, Russian forces launched their 
 winter offensive against the Germans along the Don front.
1954 Two automatic toll collectors were placed in service 
 on the Garden State Parkway in New Jersey.
1959 Ford Motor Co. announced it was ending the production 
 of the unpopular Edsel.
1969 Apollo 12 astronauts Charles Conrad and Alan Bean made 
 man's second landing on the moon.
1970 Hafiz al-Assad seized power in Syria.
1977 Egyptian President Anwar Sadat became the first Arab 
 leader to set foot in Israel on an official visit.
1981 U.S. Steel agreed to pay $6.3 million for Marathon Oil.
1990 NATO and the Warsaw Pact signed a treaty of nonaggression.
1993 The U.S. Senate approved a sweeping $22.3 billion 
 anti-crime measure. They planned to outlaw it.
1994 The U.N. Security Council authorized NATO to bomb rebel 
 Serb forces striking from neighboring Croatia.
1997 In Carlisle, IA, septuplets were born to Bobbi McCaughey. 
 It was only the second known case where all seven were born 
 alive.
1998 The impeachment inquiry of U.S. President Clinton began.
1998 Vincent van Gogh's "Portrait of the Artist Without Beard" 
 sold at auction for more than $71 million.
2001 U.S. President George W. Bush signed the most comprehensive 
 air security bill in U.S. history.
2002 The oil tanker Prestige broke into two pieces and sank off 
 northwest Spain. The tanker lost about 2 million gallons of 
 fuel oil when it ruptured November 13th and was towed about 
 150 miles out to sea.
2002 The U.S. government completed its takeover of security at 
 424 airports nationwide. 
2013  smiled

Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, November 18.

It was sunny looking today, but with ice needles and 
drift snow in the air. I shortened my walk quite 
drastically.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




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You can't have a light without a dark to stick it in.
--- Arlo Guthrie (1947 - ) 

Where we have strong emotions, 
we're liable to fool ourselves.
--- Carl Sagan (1934 - 1996)
(And he sure did, especially with the ice-age scare,
that he is famous for.)

If a fellow isn't thankful for what he's got, 
he isn't likely to be thankful for what he's going to get.
--- Frank A. Clark

"Live so that your friends can defend you, 
but never have to."
--- Arnold Glasow


Linda got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered
what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get lost in a
snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it."

Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it.
She followed the plow for about forty five minutes.

Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what
she was doing. She explained that her dad had told her if
she ever got lost in the snow, to follow a plow.

The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the
Wal-Mart parking lot, now you can follow me over to K-Mart"


About a year ago a friend, who lives in Virginia, was
talking with her four year old son, Brent. He was asking
her why all their relatives from Wisconsin talk funny and
sound like their noses are plugged up.

"They think we have an accent," she replied.

"But they have an accent, right?", Brent asked.
"They talk funny?"

"Everybody talks in different ways" she tried to explain.
"To them, we sound like we talk very slow and all our
words are d-r-a-w-n out."

His eyes got big, and he whispered seriously,
"Oh, no. You mean they hear funny too?"
  

 

From Georgina:
I was nervous the night my husband and I brought our kids
to an upscale restaurant for the first time. My husband
ordered a bottle of wine with the meal. When the waitress
brought it, our children became quiet as she began the
ritual uncorking. When she poured a small amount for my
husband to taste, our six-year-old piped up,
"Mom can drink a LOT more than dad!"




Click on the picture for the large version
Puyehue volcano, Chile, helping out with our CO2 shortage.

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Jade Cullen, 26, Stroudsburg, PA

Jailed After Hiding Third Party 
Urine Inside Her Vagina During Meet 
With Probation Officer

Reported by The Weekly Vice
Jade Cullen, a 26-year-old Pennsylvania woman, was jailed 
Monday after she allegedly hid another person's urine inside 
her vagina during a drug screen.

According to the Montroe County Sheriff's Office, Cullen was 
reporting for a drug screen at the Monroe County Courthouse 
Monday when her probation officer noticed that she was fidgeting 
with something in between her legs.

Further examination revealed that Cullen was hiding a condom 
inside her vagina filled with another person's urine.

Cullen later admitted that she attempted to fake the urine 
test because she had snorted heroin earlier in the month.

Cullen was ordered to meet with a probation officer and 
submit to random drug screens when she was released last 
May.

She was booked into the Monroe County Correctional Facility 
and charged with possession of an instrument of a crime and
failure to furnish drug free urine. She is also accused of 
violating her parole.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Larry
Re: Windows browser update notice

Dear Webby,
My computer keeps telling me that my Windows 7 browser is 
going to be outdated and I need to install a new browser.  
Is this for real?  If I do it, will I lose all my “Favorites”.  
What should I do?

Dear Larry
All browsers get updated quite regularly and frequently. 
However, they identify themselves, for example 
FireFox update to version 25

If the update notice claims to be "Windows 7 browser" 
like you wrote, then that is from a virus.

If you suspect that the update notice is not legit, 
click in your browser on
HELP
ABOUT
Check For Updates

or on 
MENU
HELP
ABOUT
Check For Updates

And do your updating from there, not from the suspicious
notice.

Usually browser updates are not an urgent matter, 
and it is often best to skip full number updates and
wait for a .1 number fix.

With legitimate updates your bookmarks and favorites 
and cookies are quite safe. They won't be touched.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Oil of Cloves for Smelly Front Loading Washers
If your front loading washing machine smells a bit musty or 
has black mould growing on the door seal, simply use oil of 
cloves to freshen it up. I make up a 500ml bottle of water 
in a spray bottle and add 1/4 teaspoon oil of cloves. Then 
I spray the inside drum of the machine before I add the 
clothes or, if I'm feeling lazy, I add 3-4 drops oil of 
cloves on top of my detergent. The oil of cloves will kill 
any mould spores. If you use the spray every time you do 
towels or smelly socks, it will also get rid of mould on 
your door seals. The black mould will disappear.

The smell dissipates from your clothes when you hang them 
in sunlight but, in any case, it's not too strong a smell. 
Plus you'll know that if your kids leave wet clothes for a 
couple of days before telling you about them you'll be able 
to make sure they're truly clean and mould free. Oil of 
cloves should be available at pharmacies or sometimes health 
food stores with the essential oils.

Source: Spotless by Shannon Lush and Jennifer Fleming

A few decades ago a good girlfriend got me used to tossing
a few whole cloves into every drawer, no matter whether it
was a sock drawer or kitchen utensil drawer or a drawer in
my workshop. Never had black mold in any drawer!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog

A three-year-old in the congregation regularly watched 
football games with his father. So much so, that he knew 
some of the signals the referee makes.

On a recent Sunday, as the pastor raised his hands high 
to offer a blessing, the child interrupted the service 
by shouting at the top of his lungs: "Touchdown!"




Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


>From Dana
The turkey shot out of the oven
and rocketed into the air,
it knocked every plate off the table
and partly demolished a chair.

It ricocheted into a corner and
burst with a deafening boom,
then splattered all over the kitchen,
completely obscuring the room.

It stuck to the walls and the windows,
it totally coated the floor,
there was turkey attached to the ceiling,
where there'd never been turkey before.

It blanketed every appliance,
it smeared every saucer and bowl,
there wasn't a way I could stop it,
that turkey was out of control.

I scraped and I scrubbed with displeasure,
and thought with chagrin as I mopped,
that I'd never again stuff a turkey
with popcorn that hadn't been popped.




» Flakey Stuff




Today, Nov 17, in
1477 - William Caxton produced "Dictes or Sayengis of the 
 Philosophres," which was the first book to be printed in 
 England.
1820 - Captain Nathaniel Palmer became the first American 
 to sight the continent of Antarctica.
1865 - Samuel L. Clemens published "The Celebrated Jumping 
 Frog of Calaveras County" under the pen name "Mark Twain" 
 in the New York "Saturday Press."
1883 - The U.S. and Canada adopted a system of standard time zones.
1903 - The U.S. and Panama signed a treaty that granted the U.S. 
 rights to build the Panama Canal.
1916 - Douglas Haig, commander of the British Expeditionary 
 Force in World War I, called off the Battle of the Somme 
 in France. The offensive began on July 1, 1916.
1928 - The first successful sound-synchronized animated 
 cartoon premiered in New York. It was Walt Disney's 
 "Steamboat Willie," starring Mickey Mouse.
1936 - Germany and Italy recognized the Spanish government 
 of Francisco Franco.
1966 - U.S. Roman Catholic bishops did away with the rule 
 against eating meat on Fridays.
1969 - Apollo 12 astronauts Charles "Pete" Conrad Jr. and 
 Alan L. Bean landed on the lunar surface during the second 
 manned mission to the moon.
1976 - The parliament of Spain approved a bill that established 
 a democracy after 37 years of dictatorship.
1978 - In Jonestown, Guyana, Reverend Jim Jones persuaded his 
 followers to commit suicide by drinking a death potion. Some 
 people were shot to death. 914 cult members were left dead 
 including over 200 children.
1983 - Argentina announced its ability to produce enriched 
 uranium for use in nuclear weapons.
1987 - The U.S. Congress issued the Iran-Contra Affair report. 
 The report said that President Ronald Reagan bore "ultimate 
 responsibility" for wrongdoing by his aides.
1987 - 31 people died in a fire at King's Cross, London's 
 busiest subway station.
1987 - CBS Inc. announced it had agreed to sell its record 
 division to Sony Corp. for about $2 billion.
1988 - U.S. President Reagan signed major legislation providing
 the death penalty for drug traffickers who kill.
1993 - The U.S. House of Representatives joined the U.S. Senate 
 in approving legislation aimed at protecting abortion facilities, 
 staff and patients.
1993 - Representatives from 21 South African political parties 
 approved a new constitution.
1994 - Outside a mosque in the Gaza Strip, 15 people were killed 
 and more than 150 wounded when Palestinian police opened fire 
 on rioting worshipers.
1997 - The FBI officially pulled out of the probe into the 
 TWA Flight 800 disaster. They said the explosion that 
 destroyed the Boeing 747 was not caused by a criminal act. 
 230 people were killed.
1999 - 12 people were killed and 28 injured when a huge 
 bonfire under construction collapsed at Texas A&M in 
 College Station, TX.
2001 - Nintendo released the GameCube home video game 
 console in the United States.
2013  smiled

Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, November 17.

The injectins this Wednesday seemed quite different.
apparently they either forgot the freezing or tried some
different type, that did not work. Yipe!
The doctor just shrugged and stabbed the other eye too. 
The freezing and cleaning and disinfecting is done by some
low pay helper, who seems to be doing 50 - 60 patients per 
hour. Considering that there is a new one every month, I 
guess they get minimum wage and upgrade to McDonalds as 
soon as they can. Well, that's life under Medicare, what you
will be getting under Obamacare. I can't really complain, 
though. They are paying for the $2500 per injection, what
the doctor claims it would be without Medicare.

Sometime in December, he told me, I have to go for Cataract
operations. He figures they can do one eye at a time and
I could continue reading and writing with the other eye.

-16°C
Feels like -26
P.O.P: 80%
Snow: 1-3 cm
Wind N 25 km/h
Wind gusts 60 km/h
Humidity 78%

Those gusts, laden with snow and frost crystals, 
are a nasty reminder, that I should have moved to 
Floriduh, when I had the chance, because Gullible Warming
is FINISHED and Climate Change changed the weather back 
to Global Cooling.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!



















Far and away the best prize that life offers is the chance 
to work hard at work worth doing.
--- Theodore Roosevelt (1858 - 1919)

Times have not become more violent. 
They have just become more televised.
--- Marilyn Manson (1969 - )


Three old men are at the doctor for a memory test.
The doctor says to the first old man, "What is three
times three?"

"274," was his reply.

The doctor says to the second man, "It's your turn.
What is three times three?"

"Tuesday," replies the second man.

The doctor says to the third man, "Okay, your turn.
What's three times three?"

"Nine," says the third man.

"That's great!" says the doctor. "How did you get that?"

"Simple," says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from
Tuesday."


A first grade teacher was a die-hard Colorado Avalanche
fan. She told the class to raise their hands if they
were true Avalanche fans like her. The children, not
knowing what an Avalanche fan was, raised their hands.
They too wanted to be just like the teacher, all except
one little girl. She did not raise her hand.

The teacher approached her and asked, "Why aren't you
an Avalanche fan? They are the best team and I love
them."

The little girl responded, "I'm a Detroit Red Wings
fan."

The teacher asked, "Why are you a Wings fan?"

The little girl said, "Well, my parents are Wings
fans."

The teacher, getting upset at this point, stated, "Just
because your parents are Wings fans doesn't make you
one. What if your dad was a moron and your mom was an
idiot, what would that make you?"

The little girl thought for a moment and said, "Well,
I suppose, that would make me an Avalanche fan."
  

 

Thanks to Dr. Connie for this report:
What doctors say, and what they're really thinking:

"This should be taken care of right away."
I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month, but this is so easy
and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.

"Welllllll, what have we here...?"
He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue.

"Let me check your medical history."
He wants to see if you've paid your last bill before 
spending any more time with you.

"Why don't we make another appointment later in the week."
I'm playing golf this afternoon, and this a waste of time.
--or-- I need the bucks, so I'm charging you for another
office visit.

"We have some good news and some bad news."
The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW.
The bad news is, you're going to pay for it.

"Let's see how it develops."
Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that I can
prescribe something for.

"Let me schedule you for some tests."
I have a forty percent interest in the lab.

"I'd like to prescribe a new drug."
I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a
guinea pig.

"If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call."
I don't know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.

"That's quite a nasty looking wound."
I think I'm going to throw up.

"This may smart a little."
Last week two patients bit their tongues.

"Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we...?"
I'm stalling for time. Who are you and why are you here?

"This should fix you up."
The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe
this stuff.

"Everything seems to be normal."
Rats! I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all.

"I'd like to run some more tests."
I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab
can solve this one."

"There is a lot of that going around."
That's the third one this week! I'd better Google
about this."

"If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment."
I've never heard of anything so disgusting. 
Thankfully I'm off next week.


Thanks to Nan F for sending this picture:


Click on the picture for the large version

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Todd McCullough, 28, Saltsburg, PA

Jailed After raping 16 year 
old girl in school

Reported by Fox News
A Pennsylvania high school industrial arts teacher allegedly 
raped a 16-year-old student in a back room at the school and
authorities have not ruled out the possibility of additional 
victims and charges in the case.

Todd McCullough, a 28-year-old teacher at Saltsburg High 
School, was arraigned Thursday on rape and related charges 
in connection to the April 2012 incident that state police 
say occurred in a back room near the shop where McCullough 
taught. But police only learned of the alleged assault last 
week after another student told school officials she was 
hearing rumors that she was “next on the list” of 
McCullough’s potential targets, Trooper John Matchik said.

“More or less, the situation surfaced when another female 
student came forward and said she was hearing rumors that 
she was next on the list or that she’d be one of his 
targets,” Matchik said. “She wanted everybody to be aware 
of that.”

A subsequent investigation revealed that McCullough had 
been physically touching the girl’s hips and shoulders for 
years and frequently commented on her appearance, 
Matchik said.

Then, in April 2012, as the girl was readying for a school 
dance, including trips to a tanning salon, McCullough asked 
the girl if he could see her breasts. The girl repeatedly 
rebuffed the advance before McCullough eventually exposed 
himself to the girl in a back room near the shop where he 
taught, Matchik said.

The girl was able to escape that encounter when the school 
bell rang, Matchik said, but a week later, McCullough 
allegedly pulled the girl out of another class to apologize. 
A few days later, McCullough allegedly asked the girl to 
stay after class before raping her in the back room, 
Matchik said.

Investigators are now probing whether McCullough, a five-year 
veteran of the school, committed other crimes while teaching, 
Matchik said.

“There’s a good chance additional charges could be pending,” 
he said. “This could be the tip of the iceberg.”

McCullough, who remains jailed at Indiana County Jail, 
doesn’t have an attorney and declined comment after his 
arraignment Thursday. He is due to appear in court for 
a preliminary hearing on Nov. 13.

The Blairsville-Saltsburg School District, meanwhile, 
said it has been cooperating with police since the 
allegations surfaced.
-----------
It is amazing, that the girl, who was raped, did not 
report the rape, even though it seemed to have been common
knowledge around the school.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Claudie
Re: Transferring pix from camera

Dear Webby,
What is better, to take the chip out of a camera and use a
chip reader to transfer the pictures to the computer, or plug
the camera directly into the computer?
Claudie

Dear Claudie
As long as you take the batteries out of the camera, 
you can usually safely, though slowly, transfer the pictures 
directly from the camera. If you don't take the batteries out 
first, they will get drained quickly. The batteries are usually 
4 x 1.5 = 6 Volt, and the computer USB port is 5 Volt.
That means, the batteries will try to charge the computer!
Yes, sure, there is supposed to be a diode in there, 
preventing that, but in China, where they often use English 
electronic theory, they often get them backwards.

With the chip removed, that problem does not exist.

If you use a cheap chip reader, the transfer speed is much
higher and the camera batteries are not affected at all.

Personally, I always use a chip reader. 

Some old pre-XP chip readers won't work on Windows 7 and 8,
but they are cheap enough to upgrade every ten years.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
First Aid Kit out of Eyeglass Case
I have lots of old eyeglass holders, which open and close. 
They are no longer used because I made my own and put it 
close to the bed. I used the old eyeglass holder to hold 
bandages and a tube of triple antibiotic. It takes up very 
little space and is always handy.

By Robyn

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog

Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your 
 worries and troubles.

Boy: It's very kind of you, darling. But I don't have any
worries or troubles.

Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.




Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


A friend of mine was in the hospital awaiting the arrival of   
her first child. When I telephoned the hospital to see if the   
baby had arrived, the nurse said it had. I asked if it was a   
boy or girl and was told that it was against hospital policy   
to give this information over the phone.   

"Fine," I said. "I can understand that. But can you tell me   
what she didn't have?"   

"It wasn't a boy," came the reply.   




» Make you Think Twice




Today, Nov 17, in

1558 Elizabeth I ascended the English throne upon the death 
 of Queen Mary Tudor.
1603 Sir Walter Raleigh went on trial for treason.
1796 Catherine the Great of Russia died at the age of 67.
1798 Irish nationalist leader Wolfe Tone committed suicide 
 while in jail awaiting execution.
1800 The U.S. Congress held its first session in Washington, 
 DC, in the partially completed Capitol building.
1869 The Suez Canal opened in Egypt, linking the Mediterranean 
 and the Red seas.
1903 Russia's Social Democrats officially split into two groups 
 Bolsheviks and Mensheviks.
1904 The first modern underwater submarine journey was taken, 
 from Southampton, England, to the Isle of Wight.
1913 The steamship Louise became the first ship to travel 
 through the Panama Canal.
1913 In Germany, Kaiser Wilhelm banned the armed forces 
 from dancing the tango.
1922 Siberia voted for union with the U.S.S.R.
1968 NBC cut away from the final minutes of a New York Jets-
 Oakland Raiders game to begin a TV special, "Heidi," on schedule. 
 The Raiders came from behind to beat the Jets 43-32.
1970 The Soviet Union landed an unmanned, remote-controlled 
 vehicle on the moon, the Lunokhod 1. The vehicle was 
 released by Luna 17.
1973 U.S. President Nixon told an Associated Press managing 
 editors meeting in Orlando, FL, "people have got to know 
 whether or not their president is a crook. Well, I'm not 
 a crook."
1979 Iran's Ayatollah Khomeini ordered the release of 13 
 female and black American hostages being held at the U.S. 
 Embassy in Tehran.
1988 Benazir Bhutto became the first woman leader of an 
 Islamic country. She was elected in the first democratic 
 elections in Pakistan in 11 years.
1990 A mass grave was discovered by the bridge over the 
 River Kwai in Thailand. The bodies were believed to be 
 those of World War II prisoners of war.
1997 62 people were killed by 6 Islamic militants outside 
 the Temple of Hatshepsut in Luxor, Egypt. The attackers 
 were killed by police.
2010 Reasearchers trapped 38 antihydrogen atoms. It was 
 the first time humans had trapped antimatter. 
2013  smiled

Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, November 13.

Wednesday I have to go for eye injections.
There won't be any sending of newsletters for the
Thursday, Friday and Saturday issues.


Blizzard today. The snow seems to be here for good.
Reminds me of the Yukon. When it snowed there in October, 
during the cold cycle it stayed until mid April, during
the warm cycle it partially melted a couple of times in
November and March. 

Now we are in the cold cycle, and it would be snowblowing 
season in the Yukon. Somehow I don't really miss that.

I had homesteaded a place a mile above the Alaska Highway,
and built my own road to up there. I cut it into a sidehill.
The grouse loved that! They used their wings to blow the
snow off parts of the bank, and then picked the dirt from
below grapefruit to head size rocks, until they tumbled down
onto the road, so that they could get at the dry gravel behind
the rocks. 

I realize, they needed the dry gravel to grind the frozen
grains from grasses, but my 8' snow blower did not like big 
rocks hiding in the snow. Whenever it encountered one,
CRACKKKKK!!!!, and something was broken.

Sure, I designed my snow blowers, so that rocks like that 
broke reasonably easy to get at shear pins, but at -40 and
wind, even "easy to get at" shear pins are a real nuisance.
Especially at night.

Sunday snowblowing was not as bad, especially if the sun 
was out. Imagine a bearded hippy all bundled up on a Kubota
4x4 tractor with a big snowblower mounted in front instead 
of a bucket, and a huge 50 foot rooster tail of snow from
the blower sparkling in the sun.

However, the excitement of living in the bush wore rather 
thin after thirty years. Sometimes I miss it, but usually
I am quite content to live a few thousand miles further 
South. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby




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Old age is the most unexpected of things 
that can happen to a man.
--- Leon Trotsky (1879 - 1940)

What's right is what's left if you do everything wrong.
---Robin Williams

People with courage and character 
always seem sinister to the rest.
--- Hermann Hesse (1877 - 1962) 


>From Diane
A good piece of chocolate has about 200 calories. As I enjoy   
two servings per night, and a few more on weekends, I consume   
about 3,500 calories of chocolate in a week, which equals one   
pound of weight per week.   

Therefore, in the last 3-1/2 years, I have had chocolate   
caloric intake of about 180 pounds, and I only weigh 165   
pounds. So... without chocolate, I would have wasted away to   
nothing about 3 months ago! I owe my life to chocolate!! 


 Don't go for looks; they can deceive.
 Don't go for wealth; even that fades away.
 Go for someone who makes you smile,
 Because it takes only a smile to
 Make a dark day seem bright.
 Find the one that makes your heart smile.
  

Imagic Photo - image and photo enhancement software
Photo enhancement software that transforms ordinary photos 
into beautiful images, that look like they were shot by
a famous professional with very expensive equipment.
Free Trial. 


>From Donnie
Blood donor...A True Scot!  
An Arab Sheik was admitted to Hospital for heart surgery,
but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his 
blood-type in case the need arose.

As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be 
found locally, so, the call went out. Finally a Scotsman 
was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly 
donated his blood for the Arab.

After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman as appreciation 
for giving his blood, a new BMW, diamonds & thousands of US 
dollars.

A couple of days later, once again, the Arab had to go 
through a corrective surgery. His doctor telephoned the 
Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his blood again.

After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a 
thank-you card and a box of Quality Street chocolates.
The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate 
his kind gesture as he had anticipated.

He phoned the Arab and asked him: "I thought you would 
be generous again, that you would give me a BMW, diamonds 
& money, but you only gave me a thank-you card and a box 
of cheap Quality Street."

To this the Arab replied: "Aye laddie, but I now have 
Scottish blood in me veins".


Thanks to ChuckE for this picture:


Click on the picture for the large version
Hi Webby,
Look at this sunrise this morning from my porch in 
Costa Mesa, CA.
Chuck

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Lawrence Gillim, 59, Indianapolis, Indiana

Jailed After Beating Woman While 
Driving Drunk, Crashing Car, 
Leaving Injured Woman Behind

Reported by The Weekly Vice
Lawrence Gillim, a 59-year-old Indiana man, has been jailed 
after he beat a woman while driving drunk, crashed the car 
and then fled while leaving the injured woman behind.

According to the Johnson County Sheriff's Office, Gillim was 
driving drunk as he beat a woman sitting in the passenger 
seat of his car.

Although the woman begged to be let out of the car, Gillim 
continued to beat her while driving at a high rate of speed.

Investigators say Gillim then crashed his vehicle into two 
cars that were parked near the Atterbury Fish and Wildlife 
Area.

Witnesses at the scene watched as the female passenger 
emerged from the vehicle and then collapsed. When Gillim 
exited the vehicle and saw bystanders calling 911, he 
fled the scene into a nearby wooded area leaving the 
injured woman behind.

The woman was rushed to Johnson Memorial Hospital where 
she was treated for injuries mostly received during the 
beating she endured from Gillim.

Deputies located Gilliam after following him into the woods 
with a dog, who promptly took a chunk out of him. He was 
then transported to a local hospital where he was treated 
for a bite wound received from the dog during the chase.

He was then booked into the Johnson County Jail and charged 
with driving while intoxicated, operating a vehicle while 
intoxicated causing endangerment, operating while intoxicated 
causing injury, domestic battery, leaving the scene of an 
accident causing injury, resisting law enforcement, 
criminal confinement, criminal recklessness with a vehicle
and annoying a police dog.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Oscar
Re: Corel versus Open Office

Dear Webby,
You seemed to be a fan of Open Office and Office Libre,
and even PC-World recommends it. Why the switch to 
Corel Office?
Oscar

Dear Oscar 
I have had Word Perfect and Quattro since the 80's, when
mail was counted by how many were printed per shift,
not by how cutesy the quotes were or how pretty a letter
looked. Today talking speed stenos and 100+ words per minute
typists are as rare as unicorns or virgins, but some of us
still like programs, that can handle that kind of speed
and performance. 

Calc in Open Office is a fairly good spreadsheet, and will
handle just about any home project and many small office
projects. However Martha was not asking for a free 
spreadsheet, she asked for which version of Corel would be
able to handle her project. Most likely she is working on
something big, that needs the power of Quattro.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Folding Sheets for Easier Bed Making
Try this way of folding a queen size top sheet so that it can 
be laid by the top of the bed and unfolded to end up exactly 
where it should be on the bed. When folding the sheet, fold 
it up (bottom folded up to the top), to the right, up, to 
the right, up, to the right, etc. until you get it folded 
into a square about a foot across with the last fold to 
the right.

When you put the folded sheet on the bed, unfold the first 
fold to the left and place the sheet at the top right side 
of the bed. Let it hang down about 15 inches over the side 
of the bed and keep unfolding it down, to the left, down, 
to the left, and down, etc., until it is completely unfolded. 
(They probably do this in hospitals, with twin-size hospital 
beds.) However, with a queen size bed it can be somewhat more 
difficult to do alone. With two people putting a sheet on a 
queen bed there would be no running to the other side of the 
bed to straighten it as it folds out to the full width of the 
bed. But if you are doing it yourself, you probably will need 
to at least once even with this method. 

I don't bother to fold the bottom (fitted) sheet, but just 
roll it up as it is easy to put on and the wrinkles stretch 
out once it is on the bed. 

By Judy S. from ND
Amazing! And all these years I have just
taken the sheets off the line and folded them lentgthwise twise,
then on that narrow pack fold the thirds in from both sides.
For making the bed, I drop it onto the bed, unfold the "ears",
grab the edge of the sheet as far apart as my arms will reach,
lift and whip the sheet. It will unfold, trap air underneath 
and smoothly settle onto the bed. Done.

My challenge has always been the fitted sheet until I got a 
Mark-All and marked NE, SE, SW, and NW onto the corners on the
downward parts. Now even an untamed bachelor like me can dress 
a bed in a hurry.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog

An angel appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean 
that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, 
the Lord will reward him with his choice of 
infinite wealth, 
wisdom, or 
beauty.

Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom.
"Done!" says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke 
and a bolt of lightning.

Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded 
by a faint halo of light.
One of his colleagues whispers, "Say something."

The dean sighs and says, "I should have taken the money."




Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


A man left for a vacation in Florida. His wife, on a business 
trip and was planning to meet him the next day. When he 
reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail.

Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written 
her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from 
memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note 
was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose 
husband had passed away only the day before.

When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one 
look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell 
to the floor dead. At the sound, her family rushed into 
the room and saw this note on the screen:

"Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared 
for your arrival tomorrow. Your Loving Husband.

P.S. Sure is hot down here."




» Surf's Up




Today, Nov 13, in
1775 During the American Revolution, U.S. forces captured 
 Montreal.
1789 Benjamin Franklin wrote a letter to a friend in which 
 he said, "In this world nothing can be said to be certain, 
 except death and taxes."
1805 Johann George Lehner, a Viennese butcher, invented a 
 recipe and called it the "frankfurter." Also known as the 
 "Wiener"
1927 The Holland Tunnel opened to the public, providing access 
 between New York City and New Jersey beneath the Hudson River.
1933 In Austin, MN, the first sit-down labor strike in America 
 took place.
1942 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed a measure 
 lowering the minimum draft age from 21 to 18.
1956 The U.S. Supreme Court struck down laws calling for racial 
 segregation on public buses.
1971 The U.S. spacecraft Mariner 9 became the first spacecraft 
 to orbit another planet, Mars.
1977 The comic strip "Li'l Abner" by Al Capp appeared in 
 newspapers for the last time.
1982 The Vietnam Veterans Memorial was dedicated in Washington
1986 U.S. President Ronald Reagan publicly acknowledged that 
 the U.S. had sent "defensive weapons and spare parts" to Iran. 
 He denied that the shipments were sent to free hostages, but 
 that they had been sent to improve relations.
1994 Sweden voted to join the European Union.
1997 Iraq expelled six U.N. arms inspectors that were 
 U.S. citizens.
1998 Monica Lewinsky signed a deal with St. Martin's Press 
 for the North American rights to her story about her affair 
 with U.S. President Bill Clinton.
2001 U.S. President George W. Bush signed an executive order 
 that would allow for military tribunals to try any foreigners 
 captured with connections to the terrorist attacks on the 
 United States on September 11, 2001. It was the first time 
 since World War II that a president had taken such action.
2009 NASA announced that water had been discoved on the moon. 
 The discovery came from the planned impact on the moon of the 
 Lunar Crater Observation and Sensing Satellite (LCROSS).
2013  smiled

Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, November 12.

On Wednesday, Nov 13, I have to go for eye injections.
There won't be any sending of newsletters for the
Thursday, Friday and Saturday issues.

The huge hoarfrost crystals on top of the snow in the
morning sun sure are pretty. Not a sign for warmer weather
in the near future, though. Time to dig out the long 
underwear.

DearWebby




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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!



















The trouble with being poor is that 
it takes up all of your time.
--- Willem de Kooning (1904 - 1997)   

We hang the petty thieves and 
appoint the great ones to public office.
--- Aesop (620 BC - 560 BC) 


I love this classic:
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the
women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst 
into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for 
cover.
The little boy watched in amazement and then asked,

"What's the matter haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"
  

Imagic Photo - image and photo enhancement software
Photo enhancement software that transforms ordinary photos 
into beautiful images, that look like they were shot by
a famous professional with very expensive equipment.
Free Trial. 


Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging
between them a young man.
"This young man agreed to marry my daughter," said one.
"No!  He agreed to marry MY daughter," said the other.
And so they haggled before the King, until he called 
for silence.

"Bring me my biggest sword," said Solomon, "and I shall
hew the young man in half.  Each of you shall receive 
a half."

"Sounds good to me," said the first lady.

But the other woman said, "Oh Sire, do not spill innocent
blood.  Let the other woman's daughter marry him."

The wise king did not hesitate a moment.  "The young man
must marry the first lady's daughter," he proclaimed.

"But she was willing to hew him in two!" exclaimed the 
king's court.

"Indeed," said wise King Solomon.  
"That shows she is the TRUE mother-in-law."


Thanks to Cookie for a picture of her other car.


Click on the picture for the large version
FrankenCar

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Glen Davis, 48, Winter Haven, Floriduh 

HIV Positive Man Douses Woman With 
Gasoline, Then Rapes Her Saying 
"You're Going To Die One Way Or Another."

Reported by The Weekly Vice
Glen Davis, a 48-year-old HIV positive man, was jailed 
Saturday after he allegedly doused his girlfriend with 
gasoline and forced her to have unprotected sex with him 
as he held a pair of scissors to her throat.

According to Winter Haven police, Davis and his girlfriend 
were arguing Halloween night when Davis locked all of the 
doors to the house and began setting things on fire.

Davis reportedly poured gasoline on a table and a pile of 
clothes and then set them on fire.

Aiming to amp up the terror a bit more, Davis then doused 
his girlfriend with gasoline and threatened to set her on 
fire.  At some point during the confrontation, Davis 
allegedly grabbed the victim's young son by the neck and 
threatened to set him on fire as well.

A short time later, Davis forced the victim to have 
unprotected sex with him. Although the victim begged him 
to use a condom, he put a pair of scissors to her throat 
and proceeded to rape her without a condom.

"You're going to die, one way or another," Davis told the 
woman moments before the sexual assault.

Davis was arrested two days later after a relative urged 
her to call police.

He was booked into jail and charged with criminal 
transmission of HIV, battery, false imprisonment, two counts 
of arson, two counts of aggravated battery and sexual 
assault.

He will get the best medical care until the lawyers finish,
which could be a few decades.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Martha
Re: Which version of Corel Office

Dear Webby,
Forget Skype. The bozos at microslop use big 4:3 monitors
and have no sympathy for the poor slobs like you, who have
to use wide monitors. Just switch to Google+ Hangout. That
has better video and voice quality anyway.

My question is which version Corel Office to buy. I need to
do a big math project, that is way too complicated for Excel
and need to use Quattro in Corel, but don't really want to 
buy the current version.
Thanks
Martha

Dear Martha
Probably any version will work fine. They have not dumbed
it down, and I don't think there are any real changes in 
Quattro. Get whatever version you find on sale at eBay 
or wherever. 

I still use version X4, and would not pay to switch to a 
newer version. It works just fine, and I don't think there
were any changes in it over previous versions. You can even
set it to act like Excel, open Excel files and even save 
them as Excel files. Especially in a cooperative environment
that makes it a clear winner.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Easy, Free Cheese Wrapping 
If you use cheese often, like I do, here is a decent tip! 
Cut straight through a block of unopened cheese, remove 
the portion you will use without demolishing package. 
Keep the wrapper from the piece you used, turn it over 
and cut a slice in the back side. Now, slip it over the 
remaining section of cheese. You now have a free wrapping 
technique, so no need to use up another dish or plastic 
bag/wrap. It works great for me, without drying out! 

By Becca from NY 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog

The plane was loaded with people when it made a refueling 
stop. They were told they would be on the ground for 2 hours 
and they could leave the plane while they refueled. They 
all got off except for a blind man and his dog. 

The pilot took advantage of there being no line-up at the 
toilets and went to the back of the plane, When he saw the 
blind man, he recognized him previous flights. He approached 
the man and said, "Keith, would you like to leave the
plane and stretch your legs?"

"No, thank you," the man said, "but my dog would."

A few minutes later, the pilot was seen passing through 
the gate with dark sunglasses and the dog.

Most passengers changed their flight.




Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


Two kids are talking to each other. One says,
"I'm really worried. My dad works twelve hours
a day to give me a nice home and good food.
My mom spends the whole day cleaning and
cooking for me.  I'm worried sick!"

The other kid says, "What have you got to worry
about? Sounds to me like you've got it made!"

The first kid says, "Yeah, but what if they escape?"







» Most Expensive Crocus in the World: Saffron - 




Today, Nov 12, in
1799 Andrew Ellicott Douglass witnesses the Leonids meteor 
 shower from a ship off the Florida Keys.
1859 The first flying trapeze act was performed by Jules 
 Leotard at Cirque Napoleon in Paris, France. He was also 
 the designer of the garment that its named after him.
1918 Austria and Czechoslovakia were declared independent 
 republics.
1927 Joseph Stalin became the undisputed ruler of the 
 Soviet Union. Leon Trotsky was expelled from the Communist 
 Party leading to Stalin coming to power.
1942 During World War II, naval battle of Guadalcanal began 
 between Japanese and American forces. The Americans won a 
 major victory.
1944 During World War II, the German battleship "Tirpitz" 
 was sunk off the coast of Norway.
1946 The first drive-up banking facility opened at the 
 Exchange National Bank in Chicago, IL.
1948 The war crimes tribunal sentenced Japanese Premier 
 Hideki Tojo and six other World War II Japanese leaders 
 to death.
1953 The National Football League (NFL) policy of blacking 
 out home games was upheld by Judge Allan K. Grim of the 
 U.S. District Court in Philadelphia.
1954 Ellis Island, the immigration station in New York Harbor, 
 closed after processing more than 20 million immigrants 
 since 1892.
1979 U.S. President Carter ordered a halt to all oil imports 
 from Iran in response to 63 Americans being taken hostage 
 at the U.S. embassy in Tehran, Iran on November 4.
1980 The U.S. space probe Voyager I came within 77,000 miles 
 of Saturn while transmitting data back to Earth.
1982 Yuri V. Andropov was elected to succeed the late 
 Leonid I. Brezhnev as general secretary of the Soviet 
 Communist Party's Central Committee.
1984 Space shuttle astronauts Dale Gardner and Joe Allen 
 snared the Palapa B-2 satellite in history's first 
 space salvage.
1985 In Norfolk, VA, Arthur James Walker was sentenced 
 to life in prison for his role in a spy ring run by his 
 brother, John A. Walker Jr.
1987 The American Medical Association issued a policy 
 statement that said it was unethical for a doctor to 
 refuse to treat someone solely because that person 
 had AIDS or was HIV-positive.
1990 Japanese Emperor Akihito formally assumed the 
 Chrysanthemum Throne.
1995 The space shuttle Atlantis blasted off on a mission 
 to dock with the Russian space station Mir.
1997 The UN Security Council imposed new sanctions on Iraq 
 for constraints being placed on UN arms inspectors.
1997 Ramzi Yousef was found guilty of masterminding the 
 1993 bombing of the World Trade Center.
1998 Daimler-Benz completed a merger with Chrysler to form 
 Daimler-Chrysler AG.
2001 American Airlines flight 587 crashed just minutes after 
 take off from Kennedy Airport in New York. The Airbus A300 
 crashed into the Rockaway Beach section of Queens. All 260 
 people aboard were killed.
2001 It was reported that the Northern Alliance had taken 
 Kabul, Afghanistan, from the ruling Taliban. The Northern 
 Alliance at this point was reported to have control over 
 most of the northern areas of Afghanistan.
2002 Stan Lee filed a lawsuit against Marvel Entertainment 
 Inc. that claimed the company had cheated him out of 
 millions of dollars in movie profits related to the 2002 
 movie "Spider-Man." Lee was the creator of Spider-Man, 
 the Incredible Hulk and Daredevil.
2013  smiled

Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, November 11.
Today is Memorial Day / Veterans Day.
In Canada, that is a statutory holiday and Govt offices
and most companies except stores and restaurants are closed.

A Pittance of Time


On Wednesday, Nov 13, I have to go for eye injections.



Thanks to all of you, who sent a donation!
I spent again most of the day sending Thank-You letters,
and don't think I missed anybody. I really do appreciate 
your help!

Thank you very much!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!



















Just in time for Memorial Day / Veterans Day, Alberta has 
unveiled the new license plates:


These are just for Alberta. The rest of Canada will, 
as usual, have to scramble to catch up. These plates 
are not restricted to veterans, but intended to raise 
funds for veteran support programs and 
to show respect for veterans.

The 2005 Poppy plates are still available too. There are
over 21,000 of those in use so far. Like these, and UNlike
similar plates in other provinces, the Alberta poppy plates 
are NOT limited to veterans, but available to anybody 
who wants to show respect for veterans, 
just like wearing a poppy year round.
Those plates too are fund raisers for veteran support progrms.


>From Thea
At breakfast one day, I eagerly waited for my husband to com-
ment on my first attempt at homemade cinnamon rolls.

After several minutes with no reaction, I asked, "If I baked
these commercially, how much do you think I could get for one
of them?"

Without looking up from his newspaper he replied,
"About 10 years."

He got hit with the remaining ones.
--------------
Cinnamon rolls are easy! I wish I was still allowed to
eat them, but with diabetes, they are a No-No!
Completely thaw out a loaf of frozen bread dough and let
it rise. 
Roll it out about 1/4" thick on a tea towel or canvas.
Smear room temperature warm butter on it.
Sprinkle soaked raisins on it
Sprinkle lightly toasted sugar and cinnamon mix on it.
Make a cut in the dough at about 12" intervals.
Use the tea towel to roll up the dough parallel to those
cuts. 

Butter baking pans, cut the rolls into 3/4" thick slices 
and place them into the pans about 3/4" apart.
Place the pansin a warm area and let the rolls rise again.
After they have risen and the buns touch each other,
put the pans into a 200 Degree C (400 degree F) oven for
five minutes or until the rolls have a "skin" and won't
fall when you take the pans out. Pour a bit of milk or 
milk/water mix into the pans, less than 1/4" high. 
Put them back in and bake until nice and brown.
Take the pans out of the oven and let the cinnamon buns
cool in the pans. Be careful not to touch them while
still warm. They are extremely addictive at that stage!
  

Imagic Photo - image and photo enhancement software
Photo enhancement software that transforms ordinary photos 
into beautiful images, that look like they were shot by
a famous professional with very expensive equipment.
Free Trial. 


Wife : What's your excuse for coming home at this time 
of the night?

Husband : Golfing with friends, my dear.

Wife : What? At 2 a.m.?

Husband : Yes. We used nightclubs.


Thanks to Cookie for a picture of her car.
She calls it Frankencar


Click on the picture for the large version
FrankenCar

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Mary Jaggers, Ford Lauderdale, Floriduh 

Jailed for Repeatedly Calling 911 
To Report "Drunk People Inside Bar"

Reported by The Weekly Vice
Mary Jaggers of Ft. Lauderdale, Florida has been jailed 
after she allegedly called 911 to report that there were 
drunk people inside the bar she was visiting.

According to police, Jaggers called 911 six different times 
to complain that there were drunk people inside Artie's 
Sportsman Lounge.

Arriving officers spoke with Jaggers, who demanded the arrest 
of everyone inside the bar. A pat down search, however, 
revealed that she was in possession of hydrocodone without 
a prescription.

Jaggers was taken into custody and no other arrests were made.

At her arraignment hearing on Tuesday, Jagger told the judge 
that she repeatedly called police to prevent anyone from 
driving home drunk.

"I have a feeling that the mixture between Artie's Bar and 
the hydrocodone probably led to count two, the calling of 911," 
said Judge Hurley during the hearing.

Jaggers was booked into jail and charged with misuse of 911 
and possession of hyrocodone without a prescription.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Elsinore
Re: Skype is OK on old CRT

Dear Webby,
Skype is OK on my old CRT monitor, clssic 4:3 config,
and running 1600 x 1200. Yeah, eat your heart out,
all you sheeple, who got talked into wide monitors,
with the bottom third sawed off!

Skype was originally written for 4:3 monitors, and
when Microsoft bought it and tried to adapt it to
sawed off monitors, they klutzed up.

The problem is in the font scaling. Yeah, I know you
poor sheeple have to go into Advanced and crank the font
zoom to more than 100% to be able to have half decent pix
and still read anything. 
Well, go back in there, crank down the resolution, then
crank the font zoom down to 100 or less, 
set your settings in Skype, then change everything back.

If you have more than two dozen icons on your desktop, expect
some of them missing and all of them re-arranged.

It doesn't help with reading the contact list. Just catch a
little girl and chain her to your slick wide monitor, and 
get to read the contact list for you. 
That's probably how they do it at Microsoft.
Elsinore

Dear Elsinore
You are a hoot, 
but absolutely correct.

By the way, the Marxist-Stalinist version of Skype
is still trying to sneak in with it's 
"Microsoft will update your Skype whenever it suits us, 
whether you like it or not."

Be careful about that!

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Beeswax For Zippers
To fix a stuck zipper, rub up and down the zipper with 
bee's wax. I don't know where I got this idea, but it 
works like a charm!

By Virginia B. from Charles City, IA 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog

My next-door neighbor and I frequently borrow things from
each other. Not long ago, when I requested his ladder, he
told me he had lent it to his son. Recalling a saying my
grandmother used to repeat, I recited,
"You should never lend anything to your kids, because you
will never get it back."

With that, he responded, "Well, it's not even my ladder.
It's my dad's."




Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


Mrs. Jones called the doctor's office and was met with this   
response by the secretary. "This is Dr. Whitman's office.   
What would you like to talk about?"   

Mrs. Jones was disturbed by this response and replied   
sarcastically, "I want to order a hamburger with fries. For   
Christ's sake, why would I call a doctor if I didn't feel   
sick? I'm very sick. I need to see the doctor."   

"Fine," replied the secretary, "I can make an appointment   
for you. Let me see, ahhhh yes, I have an appointment one   
week from next Friday."   

"Great," said Mrs. Jones, "I'll have my mortician drop me   
off then!"   




» To Our Veterans
All who served




Today, Nov 11, in
1620 The Mayflower Compact was signed by the 41 men on the 
 Mayflower when they landed in what is now Provincetown Harbor 
 near Cape Cod. The compact called for "just and equal laws."
1831 Nat Turner, a slave and educated minister, was hanged in 
 Jerusalem, VA, after inciting a violent slave uprising.
1880 Australian outlaw and bank robber Ned Kelly was hanged 
 at the Melbourne jail at age 25.
1887 Labor Activists were hanged in Illinois after being 
 convicted of being connected to a bombing that killed eight 
 police officers.
1889 Washington became the 42nd state of the United States.
1918 World War I came to an end when the Allies and Germany 
 signed an armistice. This day became recognized as 
 Veteran's Day in the United States.
1918 Poland was reestablished shortly after the surrender 
 of Germany.
1920 The body of an unknown British soldier was buried in 
 Westminster Abbey. The service was recorded with the first 
 electronic recording process developed by Lionel Guest and
 H.O. Merriman.
1921 The Tomb of the Unknown Soldier was dedicated at 
 Arlington Cemetery in Virginia by U.S. President Harding.
1938 Kate Smith first sang Irving Berlin's "God Bless America" 
 on network radio.
1940 The Jeep made its debut.
1942 During World War II, Germany completed its occupation 
 of France.
1952 The first video recorder was demonstrated by John Mullin 
 and Wayne Johnson in Beverly Hills, CA.
1965 The government of Rhodesia declared its independence 
 from Britain. The country later became known as Zimbabwe.
1966 The U.S. launched Gemini 12 from Cape Kennedy, FL. 
 The craft circled the Earth 59 times before returning.
1972 The U.S. Army turned over its base at Long Bihn to 
 the South Vietnamese army. The event symbolized the end 
 of direct involvement in the Vietnam War by the U.S. military.
1975 Civil war broke out when Angola gained independence 
 from Portugal.
1981 Stuntman Dan Goodwin scaled the outside of the 100-story 
 John Hancock Center in Chicago in about six hours.
1981 The U.S.S. Ohio was commissioned at the Electric Boat 
 Division in Groton, CT. It was the first Trident class 
 submarine.
1984 U.S. President Ronald Reagan accepted the Vietnam Veterans 
 Memorial as a gift to the nation from the Vietnam Veterans 
 Memorial Fund.
1986 Sperry Rand and Burroughs merged to form "Unisys," becoming 
 the second largest computer company.(After IBM)
1987 Vincent Van Gogh's "Irises" was sold for a then record 
 53.9 million dollars in New York.
1988 Police in Sacramento, CA, found the first of seven 
 bodies buried on the grounds of a boardinghouse. Dorothea 
 Puente was later charged in the deaths of nine people, 
 convicted of three murders and sentenced to life in prison.
1991 The U.S. stationed its first diplomat in Cambodia in 
 16 years to help the nation arrange democratic elections.
1992 Russian President Boris Yeltsin told U.S. senators in 
 a letter that Americans had been held in prison camps after 
 World War II. Some were "summarily executed," but others 
 were still living in his country voluntarily.
1992 The Church of England voted to ordain women as priests.
1993 Walt Disney Co. announced plans to build a U.S. history 
 theme park in a Virginia suburb of Washington. The plan was 
 halted later due to local opposition.
1993 In Washington, DC, the Vietnam Women's Memorial was 
 dedicated to honor the more than 11,000 women who had served 
 in the Vietnam War.
1994 In Gaza, a suicide bomber detonated his explosives at 
 an Israeli military checkpoint killing three soldiers.
1996 The Vietnam Veterans Memorial Fund unveiled 
 "The Wall That Heals." The work was a half-scale replica 
 of the Vietnam Veterans Memorial that would tour communities 
 throughout the United States.
1997 The Eastman Kodak Company announced that they were laying 
 off 10,000 employees.
1998 Jay Cochrane set a record for the longest blindfolded 
 skywalk. He walked on a tightrope between the towers of the 
 Flamingo Hilton in Las Vegas, NV. The towers are 600 feet 
 apart.
1998 Israel's Cabinet ratified a land-for-peace agreement 
 with the Palestinians.
2002 Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates pledged $100 million to 
 fight AIDS in India. 
2013  smiled