How to make custom icons 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, June 17

Today is Fathers Day!
Happy Fathers Day to all fathers out there!

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Alabama man arrested after low-speed chase in stolen 
flatbed truck after unable to get out of 1st gear
Today, June 18 in
1155 Frederick I Barbarossa was crowned emperor of Rome.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public. --- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) If all the rich people in the world divided up their money among themselves there wouldn't be enough to go around. --- Christina Stead (1903 - 1983) After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, 'No hablo ingles.' --- Ronnie Shakes ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Study finds surprising number of Americans think chocolate milk comes from brown cows According to a recent survey, seven percent of Americans believe chocolate milk comes from brown cows. The survey was conducted by the Innovation Center of US Dairy in April. 1,000 adults 18 and over were asked questions about the role milk plays in their daily lives, Food & Wine reported. The study found 48% of respondents weren't sure where chocolate milk came from. Seven percent thought chocolate milk only comes from brown cows. That adds up to about 16.4 million people, more than the population of Ohio. The Washington Post linked the study to past studies that consistently show many Americans have no idea where their food comes from. For example, a study in the 1990s found that nearly 20% of people did not know hamburgers are made from beef. ___________ Noella checked various places, and the report seems to be true. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A man hated to lose at golf and one day he was playing in a foursome and his ball landed in a sand trap. Hidden from view, the rest of the group could hear him as he hacked away at the ball. When he finally drove it out, and rejoined the group and one of them asked him how many strokes he took to get the ball out of the sand trap. The man said, "Three." Another member of the group said, "Oh, come on! I heard six." "Well, three of them were echoes." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Lillemor for this picture. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Randy Dewayne Vert, 29, Pinson, Alabama Alabama man arrested after low-speed chase in stolen flatbed truck after unable to get out of 1st gear A Pinson man is behind bars after leading Jefferson County sheriff's deputies on a low-speed chase in a stolen delivery truck early Wednesday. It all began just after 4:30 a.m. when deputies responded to the 1200 block of Birchwood Street to investigate a report of a suspicious vehicle sitting in the road with lights on and no one around. They arrived and checked the car. It was not stolen, said Chief Deputy Randy Christian. While checking the car, a citizen informed them that a man had just stolen a Kenworth T-300 flatbed delivery truck nearby. Deputies spotted the truck as it turned on to Huffman Road and attempted to stop the vehicle. The driver later identified as 29-year-old Randy Dewayne Vert refused to stop and continued driving south on Center Point Parkway, Christian said. Vert was apparently unfamiliar with the complexities of a manual transmission, he said, and was unable to get the truck out of first gear. The truck traveled at speeds of 25-30 mph on to I-59 south. Deputies followed the truck along I-59 south to Bush Boulevard where the transmission seized and the truck stopped. Vert was removed from the truck the hard way and arrested. He is charged with first-degree theft of property, reckless endangerment, attempting to elude and resisting arrest. He was booked into the Jefferson County jail shortly before 7 a.m. and remains in lockup with bonds totaling $5,900. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Randall Re: Custom icons Dear Webby, Hope you are in good health with your eyes, but i have a question i know you can help me with, I hope. I have made shortcuts on my desktop for my support groups but the short cuts have the generic picture of Firefox on them. how can i put the actual group picture in the short cut icon? or can it be done at all? again love the jokes and pictures and the help you give out daily.... thanks in advance for the help.. Randall Dear Randall You can make icons easily. 1) Get the pictures ready. 2) Size them to 64 x 64 3) Save them as .BMP, yes BMP. I know, it is a totally obsolete format, but Microsoft wants to be backward compatible all the way back to Windows 1. In those days we only had GIF for low resolution, and BMP for high resolution, and JPG not widely known during the years of development of Windows 1. On 8" by 8" Greenie monitors that was good enough. Save it to an easily findable location. 4) close the picture after saving it, for example group1.BMP 5) Use the file explorer and rename the file to group1.ico 6) Right-click the FF icon for Group1, select Properties 7) Change icon is at the bottom, middle. 8) Browse to the icon you just made, select it, hit APPLY and OK. 9) Don't forget to hit APPLY. That's all there is to it. Do the same for all the other ones. Have FUN! DearWebby
A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study which indicated that men use on the average only 15,000 words a day, where as women use 30,000 words a day. She thought about this for awhile and then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say. He said, "What?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Keeping Mice Out of Vehicles By Jim B. [1 Post] To keep mice away from your RV, spread Bounce laundry sheets around the inside of your RV. I've done it for years and it works great. By Jim B. from Salina, KS
On Being a Dad
____________________________________________________ The new lieutenant was doing the muster. "JACKSON?" "Here!" "KIBBEY?" "Yo." "STEPHENS?" "Present, sir." "SEEBACK?" Nothing. "SEEBACK?!" Still nothing. "DAMMIT, SEEBACK!" As the division Chief I whispered into the Lieutenant's ear, "Sir, turn the paper over." ___________________________________________________
I don't think I want one of these as a pet!
Todd and Jill went to a "Dude Ranch" while in Texas. The cowboy preparing the horses asked if she wanted a Western or English saddle, and she asked what the difference was. He told her one had a horn and one didn't. Jill replied, "The one without the horn is fine. I don't expect we'll run into too much traffic out here."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ >From Kim For a while my husband and I had opposite schedules. He worked during the day, and I worked at night. One morning I noticed he had left a note to himself on the kitchen counter that read, "STAMPS!" As a helpful surprise, I bought him some at the post office and put them on the counter before going to work. The next morning I found the same note. "STAMPS!" was crossed out. Underneath it he had written, s

Today, on June 18, in
1155 Frederick I Barbarossa was crowned emperor of Rome.

1429 French forces defeated the English at the battle of
Patay. The English had been retreating after the siege of

1621 The first duel in America took place in the Plymouth
Colony in Massachusetts. 

1667 The Dutch fleet sailed up the Thames toward London. 

1778 Britain evacuated Philadelphia during the U.S.
Revolutionary War. 

1812 The War of 1812 began as the U.S. declared war against
Great Britain. The conflict began over trade restrictions. 

1815 At the Battle of Waterloo Napoleon was defeated by an
international army under the Duke of Wellington. Napoleon
abdicated on June 22. 

1817 London's Waterloo Bridge opened. The bridge, designed by
John Rennie, was built over the River Thames. 

1861 The first American fly-casting tournament was held in
Utica, NY. 

1863 J.J. Richardson received a patent for the ratchet wrench.

1873 Susan B. Anthony was fined $100 for attempting to vote
for a U.S. President. 

1898 Atlantic City, NJ, opened its Steel Pier. 

1915 During World War I, the second battle of Artois ended. 

1918 Allied forces on the Western Front began their largest
counter-attack against the German army. (World War I) 

1925 The first degree in landscape architecture was granted by
Harvard University. 

1927 The U.S. Post Office offered a special 10-cent postage
stamp for sale. The stamp was of Charles Lindbergh's "Spirit
of St. Louis." 

1928 Amelia Earhart became the first woman to fly across the
Atlantic Ocean as she completed a flight from Newfoundland to

1942 The U.S. Navy commissioned its first black officer,
Harvard University medical student Bernard Whitfield Robinson.

1948 The United Nations Commission on Human Rights adopted its
International Declaration of Human Rights. 

1951 General Vo Nguyen Giap ended his Red River Campaign
against the French in Indochina. 

1953 Egypt was proclaimed to be a republic with General Neguib
as its first president. 

1959 The first telecast received from England was broadcast in
the U.S. over NBC-TV. 

1961 "Gunsmoke" was broadcast for the last time on CBS radio. 

1966 Samuel Nabrit became the first African American to serve
on the Atomic Energy Commission. 

1979 In Vienna, U.S. President Jimmy Carter and Leonid
Brezhnev signed the Strategic Arms Limitation Treaty (SALT) 2.

1983 Dr. Sally Ride became the first American woman in space
aboard the space shuttle Challenger. 

1998 The Walt Disney Co. purchased a 43% stake in the Web
search engine company Infoseek Corp. 

1998 "The Boston Globe" asked Patricia Smith to resign after
she admitted to inventing people and quotes in four of her
recent columns. 

1999 Walt Disney's "Tarzan" opened. 

2000 In Algiers, Algeria, the foreign ministers of Ethiopia
and Eritrea signed a preliminary cease-fire accord and agreed
to work toward a permanent settlement of their two-year border

2009 NASA launched the Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter/LCROSS
probes to the Moon. It was the first American lunar mission
since Lunar Prospector in 1998. 

2009 Greenland assumed control over its law enforcement,
judicial affairs, and natural resources from the Kingdom of
Denmark. Greenlandic became the official language. 

2017  smiled.

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Vacation Hold 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, June 17

Tomorrow is Father's Day!
Happy Fathers Day to all fathers out there!

Fathers Day in da hood

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman stole $93,000 from city 
to help finance butt lift and shopping trips.
Today, June 17 in
0362 Emperor Julian issued an edict banning Christians 
from teaching in Syria. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly American criminal class except Congress. --- Mark Twain (1835 1910) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A young army doctor was stationed at a remote dispensary in the South Pacific. One day he was puzzled about treatment for one of his patients. He radioed a base hospital: 'Have case of beriberi. What shall I do?' A prankster got hold of the message. This was the reply: 'Give it to the Marines. They'll drink anything.' __________ (Beriberi = symptoms of thiamine (vitamin B1) deficiency) _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ From 2005 BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Los Angeles Major power disruption in Los Angeles Los Angeles Major power disruptions throughout the city of Los Angeles. According to the L.A. Fire Department, tens of thousands of people were trapped on escalators and at pedestrian crossings. White and black Americans view the power disaster in starkly different ways, with more blacks viewing race as a factor in problems with the federal response, according to a CNN/USA Today/Gallup poll. More blacks than whites said they were angry about the government's slow response to the problem, and the blatant discrimination against blacks, non-smokers and the poor. According to polls conducted by CNN and AOL, President Bush is one target of their ire. CNN expects the inevitable looting caused by the Bush administrations failure to deal with the power disaster to start by mid afternoon, and has booked extra advertising for the evening broadcasts. ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Lillemor for this picture. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor and by Moe An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Natwaina Clark, 33, Gainesville, Florida Florida woman stole $93,000 from city to help finance butt lift and shopping trips. What would you do for the booty? A Florida woman has been charged with felony larceny and felony scheme to defraud after she stole more than $93,000 from the city of Gainesville, according to the Gainesville Sun. Natwaina Clark, 33, used her city credit card 136 times for unauthorized charges totaling roughly $61,000, her bosses' cards for $31,000, and stole her coworker's card for nearly $900. She used the money to fill up her PayPal account, buy a large television, go on a food shopping spree at Sam's Club, and get a Brazilian butt lift totaling $8,500, among other miscellaneous purchases. A former city staff specialist, Clark began improperly using the cards in November of 2015 and continued until March of this year. She was fired on March 21 and arrested a week later on the 28th while vacationing on a cruise ship. A Florida woman has been charged with felony larceny and felony scheme to defraud after she stole more than $93,000 from the city of Gainesville, according to the Gainesville Sun. Natwaina Clark, 33, used her city credit card 136 times for unauthorized charges totaling roughly $61,000, her bosses' cards for $31,000, and stole her coworker's card for nearly $900. She used the money to fill up her PayPal account, buy a large television, go on a food shopping spree at Sam's Club, and get a Brazilian butt lift totaling $8,500, among other miscellaneous purchases. A former city staff specialist, Clark began improperly using the cards in November of 2015 and continued until March of this year. She was fired on March 21 and arrested a week later on the 28th while vacationing on a cruise ship. What Is A Hosted Call Center Content Hub Hosted call centers are growing in popularity thanks to the diverse range of benefits that they offer companies of all sizes. Ad by Primus For Business The city first noticed the charges after its parks, recreation and cultural affairs department overspent its budget. Until then, the department failed to properly review its expense reports. The human-resources department also failed to alert others about Clark's criminal history, which included arrests for similar charges in a separate Florida county where she still had an outstanding warrant. All of this could have been avoided, according to an internal report by the city, if human resources had done the necessary background check for all new employees. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Maria Re: Vacation hold Dear Webby, I was just wondering if there's way to put my humor letter "on hold". Next week I'm going on a long vacation and as much as I love reading the humor, I'm trying to minimise the amount of e-mail waiting for my return, so other then unsubscribing and then re-subscribing, do you have any suggestions? I'm not very versed on computer applications so please be gentle. Thanks! Maria Dear Maria Unsubscribing definitely works, but there is a more elegant solution. Simply make a mailbox and call it HUMOR, then make a filter that filters everything with "Humor:" in the subject line or that is from "" into that mailbox without cluttering up your IN box. That way, if you do have extra time later, you can skim through there and see what arrived while you were on vacation. It will also build you a nice archive of jokes and goofy pictures. Have FUN! DearWebby
Thanks to Dianne for this story: Boudreaux been fish'n down by de bayou all day and he done run outa night crawlers. He be bout reddy to leave when he seen a snake wif a big frog in his mouf. He knowed dat dem big bass fish like dem frogs, so he decided to steal dat froggie. Dat snake, he be a cotton mouf water moccasin, so he had to be real careful or he'd git bit. He snuk up behin' dat snake and grabbed him roun de haid. Dat ole snake din't lak dat one bit. He squirmed and wrap hisself roun Boudreaux's arm try'n to git hisself free. But Boudreaux, he had a real good grip on his haid, yeh. Well, Boudreaux pried his mouf open and got de frog and puts it in his bait can. Now, Boudreaux knows dat he cain't let go dat snake or he's gonna bite him good, but he had a plan. He reach into de back pocket of his bibs and pulls out a pint a dat moonshine likker. He pour some drops into de snake's mouf. Well, dat snake's eyeballs kinda roll back in his haid and his body go limp. Wit dat, Boudreaux toss dat snake into de bayou. Den he goes back to fishin. A while later Boudreaux dun feel sumpin tappin on his barefoot toe. He slowly look down and dare wuz dat water moccasin wif two more frogs!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from How to Roast a Cheap Cut of Beef By Bobbie [166 Posts, 11 Comments] I found this information very useful and have used it often to prepare a chuck roast and also a round roast. Both cuts of meat are on sale often here in Texas. It doesn't matter how inexpensive the chuck or sirloin roast, if it turns out so tough and flavorless that no one will eat it, it was no bargain at all. But a bad experience doesn't mean you should shy away from those thrifty cuts. It means you need to learn how to prepare even the cheapest cuts of beef so you can expect perfect results every time. The three economy cuts of beef roast are chuck, sirloin and round. The chuck is fattier and somewhat tender, while the round is lean and relatively tough. The sirloin falls somewhere in between. While you can get away with buying cheap meat, you cannot scrimp on the equipment: You'll need a meat thermometer and an oven thermometer (evenIf you trust your oven's temperature gauge) because exact temperatures are the key to the best results. With what you'll save on your meat tab, you'll have more than enough to invest in the thermometers (about $5 each). The following steps are for chuck, sirloin and round cuts of varying size, although 2 to 5 pound roasts are ideal and will produce the best results. Tie the roast with white cotton string at 1-1/2 inch intervals. Tying the roast tightly makes it compact and shaped evenly, promoting even roasting. Season with salt and pepper and place the roast in a roasting pan, uncovered. Place the meat thermometer in the roast so the tip reaches the center of the thickest part. Set the oven thermometer inside the oven close to the pan. Roast at 250 degrees F until the internal temperature of the roast reaches 110 F.. Plan on approximately 25 minutes per pound, but watch the thermometer, not the clock. It will vary according to the shape and density of your roast and the amount of fat. Without removing the roast from the oven, increase the oven temperature to 500 F until the internal temperature reaches 130 F (medium rare). Remove the pan from the oven and allow the meat to rest for 20 minutes. The roast will be succulent, tender, juicy and more flavorful than it would be if you had prepared it using any other cooking method. If you have sufficient roast left over (you'll need about 1 pound to prepare the following to serve six), you will find it even better the second time around served as a wonderful Salad of Cold Roast. To 1 cup of purchased vinaigrette salad dressing, add a dollop of Dijon-style mustard and mix well. Carve the beef into thin slices. Place the slices on a large pie plate or platter, and pour about 3/4 cup dressing over the beef, with a sprinkling of thyme. Allow to marinate for several hours (if you have time), basting several times. Line a serving platter with lettuce leaves that have been tossed with a spoonful or so of the vinaigrette. Mound 2 to 3 cups potato salad in the middle. Place the beef slices around the potatoes, and decorate the platter with such items as tomatoes, hard-boiled eggs, black olives, rings of red onions and fresh parsley. By Bobbie G from Rockwall, TX
voice activated elevator
____________________________________________________ >From Manin Dear Webby: How about this one... He grabbed me by my slender neck I could not yell or scream He took me to his bedroom Where we could not be seen He tore aside my wrap and gazed upon my form I was cool and chilly He was nice and warm He pressed his feverish lips to mine and drank my very life away he made me what I am today... AN EMPTY, BOTTLE OF BEER !!!! Cheerio Manin ___________________________________________________
What an amazing carving from a single tree!
A Sunday school teacher asked her students to draw a picture of their favorite Old Testament bible story. As she moved around the class, she saw many wonderful drawings being created. Then she came to Little Johnny, who had drawn a man driving an old car. In the back seat were two passengers, both scantily dressed. The teacher said, "It's a lovely picture, Johnny, but which bible story does it tell?" Little Johnny seemed surprised at the question and said, "Well, it says in the bible that God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury. And THAT is a '59 Plymoth Fury just like grampa has on blocks in the weeds!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ In a train carriage one day were two small boys and a middle aged woman reading a book. The two small boys were having a deep heated discussion on the subject of spelling. Its spelled ' W-W-W-W-O-O-O-O-M-M-M-M-B-B-B-B '" "No its not. It's spelled 'W-W-W-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-B-B-B'" The lady leans over and says "Excuse me, but I think you'll find its spelled 'W-O-M-B'". First little boy replies "Nah, that is you, but we are talking about a hippopotamus farting underwater!"

Today, on June 17, in
0362 Emperor Julian issued an edict banning Christians from teaching in Syria. 

1579 Sir Francis Drake claimed San Francisco Bay for England.

1775 The British took Bunker Hill outside of Boston. 

1789 The Third Estate in France declared itself a national
assembly, and began to frame a constitution. 

1799 Napoleon Bonaparte incorporated Italy into his empire. 

1837 Charles Goodyear received his first patent. The patent
was for a process that made rubber easier to work with. 

l1848 Austrian General Alfred Windischgratz crushed a Czech
uprising in Prague. 

1854 The Red Turban revolt broke out in Guangdong, China. 

1861 U.S. President Abraham Lincoln witnessed Dr. Thaddeus
Lowe demonstrate the use of a hydrogen balloon. 

1872 George M. Hoover began selling whiskey in Dodge City,
Kansas. The town had been dry up until this point. 

1876 General George Crook's command was attacked and defeated
on the Rosebud River by 1,500 Sioux and Cheyenne under the
leadership of Crazy Horse. 

1879 Thomas Edison received an honorary degree of Doctor of
Philosophy from the trustees of Rutgers College in New
Brunswick, NJ. 

1885 The Statue of Liberty arrived in New York City aboard the
French ship Isere. 

1912 The German Zeppelin SZ 111 burned in its hangar in

1913 U.S. Marines set sail from San Diego to protect American
interests in Mexico. 

1917 The Russian Duma met in a secret session in Petrograd and
voted for an immediate Russian offensive against the German
Army. (World War I) 

1924 The Fascist militia marched into Rome. 

1926 Spain threatened to quit the League of Nations if Germany
was allowed to join. 

1928 Amelia Earhart began the flight that made her the first
woman to successfully fly across the Atlantic Ocean. 

1930 The Smoot-Hawley Tariff Bill became law. It placed the
highest tariff on imports to the U.S. 

1931 British authorities in China arrested Indochinese
Communist leader Ho Chi Minh. 

1932 The U.S. Senate defeated the bonus bill as 10,000
veterans massed around the Capitol. 

1940 The Soviet Union occupied Lithuania, Latvia, and Estonia.

1940 France asked Germany for terms of surrender in World War

1941 WNBT-TV in New York City, NY, was granted the first
construction permit to operate a commercial TV station in the

1942 Yank, a weekly magazine for the U.S. armed services,
began publication. The term "G.I. Joe" was first used in a
comic strip by Dave Breger.
1944 French troops landed on the island of Elba in the

1944 The republic of Iceland was established. 

1950 Dr. Richard H. Lawler performed the first kidney
transplant in a 45-minute operation in Chicago, IL. 

1953 Soviet tanks fought thousands of Berlin workers that were
rioting against the East German government. 

1963 The U.S. Supreme Court banned the required reading of the
Lord's prayer and Bible in public schools. 

1965 Twenty-seven B-52's hit Viet Cong outposts but lost two
planes in South Vietnam. 

1970 North Vietnamese troops cut the last operating rail line
in Cambodia. 

1985 Judy Norton-Taylor was photographed for "Playboy"

1991 The Parliament of South Africa repealed the Population
Registration Act. The act had required that all South Africans
for classified by race at birth. 

2017  smiled.

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Mix or match hard drives 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, June 16
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

>From Patricia
I am always so glad when you get back from Calgary.  I miss
the Newsletter when you are gone.  The jokes are so funny and
the history lesson makes me get some eduketen. Â  Â I hope
that one day you will no longer need to have those shots in
your eyeballs.
There are sure some idiotic people in this world and some very
cruel.  This planet is such a beautiful place, but spoiled by
the humans who were created to care for it.  Please stay well
and keep on giving us news and funnies.
Your friend in Alabama, U.S.A

Dear Patricia
My next injections are July 6

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Husband who robbed bank to escape wife 
is sentenced to home confinement
Today, June 16 in
0455 Rome was sacked by the Vandal army. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted. --- Steven Wright (1955 - ) Putin offered Comey and Hillary political asylum. What does he know, that CNN is not telling us? ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Whenever my aunt went to the doctor, she would complain to me about the long delay she always endured. One day, when my aunt's name was finally called, she was asked to step on the scale. "I need to get your weight today," said the nurse. Without a moment's hesitation, my aunt replied loudly and forcefully: "One hour and 45 minutes!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ While making rounds, a doctor points out an X-ray to a group of medical students. "As you can see," she says, "the patient limps because his left fibula and tibia are radically arched. Michael, what would you do in a case like this?" "Well," ponders the student, "I suppose I'd probably limp too." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to dad for this picture. Echinopsis, the tall night-bloomer, just closing as the sun comes up. Tomorrow I'll show you one from Lillemor, that is even whiter. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by Moe An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Lawrence John Ripple, 71, Kansas City, Kansas Husband who robbed bank to escape wife is sentenced to home confinement A 70-year-old man charged with robbing a Kansas City, Kan., bank said he did it because he preferred a jail cell over living with his wife. Lawrence John Ripple is charged in federal court with the Friday afternoon robbery of the Bank of Labor at 756 Minnesota Ave. According to court documents, Ripple handed a teller a note that read, “I have a gun, give me money.” The teller complied. But instead of fleeing, Ripple took the money and then took a seat in the bank lobby, according to the documents. When a bank security guard approached him, Ripple told the guard, “I’m the guy you’re looking for.” The guard took the money from Ripple and held him until police arrived, which wasn’t long, because Kansas City, Kan., police headquarters is on the same block. When he was questioned later by investigators, Ripple told him that he and his wife had argued and he “no longer wanted to be in that situation,” according to the documents. “Ripple wrote out his demand note in front of his wife … and told her he’d rather be in jail than at home,” an FBI agent wrote in the affidavit filed in support of the robbery charge. A remorseful 71-year-old man who robbed a Kansas City, Kan., bank last September and told police he hoped to land in prison to escape his wife told a federal judge Tuesday that heart surgery had left him depressed and unlike himself when he committed the crime. Though Lawrence John Ripple pleaded guilty to bank robbery in January and could have spent up to 37 months in prison, his attorney and federal prosecutors asked a U.S. District Court judge for leniency. That request was supported by the vice president of the bank and the teller whom Ripple frightened, said Assistant U.S. Attorney Sheri Catania. U.S. District Court Judge Carlos Murguia sentenced Ripple on Tuesday to six months of home confinement after public defender Chekasha Ramsey and Catania cited Ripple’s health issues, remorse and unlikeliness to reoffend. Ripple will also serve three years of supervised probation, including 50 hours of community service. He was ordered to pay $227.27 to the bank he robbed — the amount representing the billable hours for bank employees who were sent home on the day of robbery — and $100 to a crime victims fund. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Rick Re: Second Hard Drive Dear Webby, I need a second hard drive for my machine. Does it have to be the same old FAT format as the old drive, or can I use NTFS ? Thanks Rick Dear Rick Stick the new drive into a USB external drive box. It will take care of any mix and match concerns. Then just plug the cable from the box into any free USB port. Have FUN! DearWebby
Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. "Boss," he says, "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at my mother-in-law's home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff." "We're short-handed, Smith," the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off." "Thanks, boss," says Smith, "I knew I could count on you!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Japanese Style Fried Chicken (Karaage) A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them. After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight. When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side. When he was close enough, he called out, "Excuse me, where are we?" "This is Heaven, sir," the man answered. "Wow! Would you happen to have some water?" the man asked. "Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up." The man gestured, and the gate began to open. "Can my friend," gesturing toward his dog, "come in, too?" the traveler asked. "I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets." The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog. After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed.. There was no fence. As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book. "Excuse me!" he called to the man. "Do you have any water?" "Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in." "How about my friend here?" the traveler gestured to the dog. "There should be a bowl by the pump." They went through the gate, and! sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it. The traveler filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog. When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree. "What do you call this place?" the traveler asked. "This is Heaven," he answered. "Well, that's confusing," the traveler said. "The man down the road said that was Heaven, too." "Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's hell." "Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?" "No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind."
Greetings From Joe Cocker
____________________________________________________ A woman goes to the local psychic in hopes of contacting her dearly departed grandmother. Shortly after the psychic stashed her rather exorbitant fee, her eyelids begin fluttering, her voice begins warbling, her hands float up above the table, and she begins moaning. Eventually, a coherent voice emanates, saying, "Granddaughter? Are you there?" The customer, wide-eyed and on the edge of her seat, responds, "Grandmother? Is that you?" "Yes granddaughter, it's me." "It's really, really you, grandmother?", the woman repeats. "Yes, it's really me, granddaughter." The woman looks puzzled, "You're sure it's you, grandmother?" "Yes, granddaughter, I'm sure it's me." The woman pauses a moment, "Grandmother, I have just one question for you." "Anything, my child." "Grandmother, when did you learn to speak English?" ___________________________________________________
People are awesome-2017.
A honeymoon couple is in the Watergate Hotel in Washington. The bride is concerned "What if the place is still bugged?" The groom says, "I'll look for a bug."He looks behind the drapes, behind the pictures, under the rug "AHA!" Under the rug was a disc with four screws. He gets his Swiss army knife, unscrews the screws, throws them and the disc out the window. The next morning, the hotel manager asks the newlyweds "How was your room? How was the service? How was your stay at the Watergate Hotel?" The groom says, "Why are you asking me all of these questions?" The hotel manager says, "Well, the room under you complained about the chandelier falling on them!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Two girls were discussing pranks they had played on people in the past while waiting for a bus. After they boarded a crowded bus and one of them whispered to the other, "Watch me embarrass a man into giving me his seat."Pushing her way through the crowd, she turned all her charms upon a gentleman who looked like he might embarrass easily. "My dear Mr. Wilson," she gushed, "fancy meeting you on the bus. Am I glad to see you. Why, you're almost a stranger. My, but I'm tired." The sedate gentleman looked up at the girl. He had never seen her before, but he rose and said pleasantly, but by no means quietly: "Sit down, Mary, my girl. It isn't often I see you on washday. No wonder you're tired. Being pregnant probably isn't easy. By the way, don't deliver the wash until Thursday. My wife is going to the District Attorney's office to see whether she can post bail to get your boyfriend out of jail for a while."

Today, on June 16, in
0455 Rome was sacked by the Vandal army. 

1487 The War of the Roses ended with the Battle of Stoke. 

1567 Mary, Queen of Scots, was imprisoned in Lochleven Castle
in Scotland. 

1815 Napoleon defeated the Prussians at the Battle of Ligny,

1858 In a speech in Springfield, IL, U.S. Senate candidate
Abraham Lincoln said the slavery issue had to be resolved. He
declared, "A house divided against itself cannot stand." 

1884 At Coney Island, in Brooklyn, NY, the first America
roller coaster opened. 

1897 The U.S. government signed a treaty of annexation with

1903 Ford Motor Company was incorporated. 

1907 The Russian czar dissolved the Duma in St. Petersburg. 

1909 Glenn Hammond Curtiss sold his first airplane, the "Gold
Bug" to the New York Aeronautical Society for $5,000. 

1922 Henry Berliner accomplished the first American helicopter
flight at College Park, MD. 

1925 France accepted a German proposal for a security pact. 

1932 The ban on Nazi storm troopers was lifted by the von
Papen government in Germany. 

1940 Marshal Henri-Philippe Petain became the prime minister
of the Vichy government of occupied France. 

1941 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt ordered the closure
of all German consulates in the United States. The deadline
was set as July 10. 

1955 The U.S. House of Representatives voted to extend
Selective Service until 1959. 

1955 Pope Pius XII excommunicated Argentine President Juan
Peron. The ban was lifted eight years later. 

1955 Argentine naval officers launched an attack on President
Juan Peron's headquarters. The revolt was suppressed by the

1961 Rudolf Nureyev defected from the Soviet Union while in
Paris, traveling with the Leningrad Kirov Ballet. 

1963 26-year-old Valentina Tereshkova went into orbit aboard
the Vostok 6 spacecraft for three days. She was the first
female space traveler. 

1972 Ulrike Meinhof was captured by West German police in
Hanover. She was co-founder of the Baader-Meinhof terrorist
group and the Red Army Faction (Rote Armee Fraktion). 

1975 The Simonstown agreement on naval cooperation between
Britain and South Africa ended. The agreement was formally
ended by mutual agreement after 169 years. 

1976 In Soweto, thousands of school children revolted against
the South African government's plan to enforce Afrikaans as
the language for instructions in black schools. 

1977 Leonid Brezhnev was named the first Soviet president of
the USSR. He was the first person to hold the post of
president and Communist Party General Secretary. He replaced
Nikolai Podgorny. 

1978 U.S. President Carter and Panamanian leader Omar Torrijos
ratified the Panama Canal treaties. 

1978 The film adaptation of "Grease" premiered in New York

1980 The movie "The Blues Brothers" opened in Chicago, IL. 

1981 The "Chicago Tribune" purchased the Chicago Cubs baseball
team from the P.K. Wrigley Chewing Gum Company for $20.5

1983 Yuri Andropov was elected chairman of the Presidium of
the Supreme Soviet. The position was the equivalent of

1984 Wilson Ferreira Aldunate was arrested upon his return
from an eleven year exile. Aldunate had been a popular
Uruguayan opposition leader. 

1992 U.S. President George H.W. Bush welcomed Russian
President Boris Yeltsin to a meeting in Washington, DC. The
two agreed in principle to reduce strategic weapon arsenals by
about two-thirds by the year 2003. 

1996 Russian voters had their first independent presidential
election. Boris Yeltsin was the winner after a run-off. 

1999 The U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals said that a 1992
federal music piracy law does not prohibit a palm-sized device
that can download high-quality digital music files from the
Internet and play them at home. 

2000 U.S. federal regulators approved the merger of Bell
Atlantic and GTE Corp. The merger created the nation's largest
local phone company. 

2000 U.S. Secretary of Energy Bill Richardson reported that an
employee at the Los Alamos National Laboratory in New Mexico
had discovered that two computer hard drives were missing. 

2008 California began issuing marriage licenses to same-sex

2017  smiled.

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Stuttering video 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, June 15

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Wyoming college student caught shoplifting from 
Walmart said she was studying kleptomania
Today, June 15 in
1381 The English peasant revolt was crushed in London. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves. --- Carl Jung (1875 - 1961) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Two groups of scouts go on a double decker bus for a weekend trip to Atlantic City. One group is all girl scouts and the other is all boy scouts. Once upon the bus, the boy scouts head upstairs and the girl scouts hang out on the bottom level. The girl scouts group has a ball. They're whooping it up and having a great time when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from the boys upstairs. She decides to go and check on them. When she gets up to the top deck, she finds all of the boys frozen in fear, staring straight ahead, each clutching the seat in front of them. "Whoa, whoa -- what's going on here? We're having a GREAT time downstairs!" One of the boys replies through chattering, frightened teeth, "Yeah, but you girls have a driver!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ >From Bonnie: During a visit to a military medical clinic, I was sent to the lab to have blood drawn. The technician there was friendly and mentioned that his mood improved every day because he was due to leave the service in two months. As he applied the tourniquet on my arm, he told me that taking the blood wouldn't hurt much. Then, noticing my Air Force T-shirt he asked me what my husband did. When I replied that he was a recruiter, the technician smiled slyly and said, "This might hurt a little more than I thought." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to dad for this picture. This one bloomed today Tomorrow I'll have a picture of his Echinopsis, the tall night-bloomer. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by Moe An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Lydia Marie Cormaney, 23, Gillette, Wyoming Wyoming college student caught shoplifting from Walmart said she was studying kleptomania A Wyoming college student who told officers she was working on a term paper on kleptomania after she was caught shoplifting faces three felony charges. The Gillette News Record reports 23-year-old Lydia Marie Cormaney was arrested on June 5 after trying to leave Walmart with nearly $1,900 worth of merchandise. Court records say investigators later found thousands of dollars' worth of stolen items in her dorm room at Gillette College. Cormaney told officers she began shoplifting after being forced to move into a new dorm room, away from her roommate who had many of the household items. She said she was caught once when she tried to leave Walmart with three flat-screen televisions. Cormaney made an initial court appearance on June 8 and did not enter a plea. A preliminary hearing is set for Wednesday. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Randall Re: Stuttering video Dear Webby, Hope your eyes are doing better these days. I just got a new computer about a month ago and since that day when i try to play a video, it plays for about 10 or 15 seconds and then it seems to start clocking and then it starts again and about a minute later it does the same thing. i have tried to change the setup for the video but to no avail....i just don't understand. could it be the speed of my internet connection doing this? any assistance will be greatly appreciated. Randall Dear Randall Yes, that is the speed of your connection. There is nothing you can do on your side. You can try stuttering it through once, then playing it again and hope your computer cached it all and is then playing it from the cache. Forget streaming video like online cooking courses or sermons. The stuttering will ruin them. Consider upgrading your connection to DSL, if you can. If you have neighbors close by, you can set up a wifi and sell them a share for half of your connection cost. They won't get into your computer, but will be able to use your DSL as if they were a family member in the next room. Unless they have kids, who download huge movies, you won't notice any slowdown. Have FUN! DearWebby
A man from Edinburgh wrote to an English editor, "If you don't stop printing those derogatory Scottish jokes, most of which imply we're cheap, I'm going to quit stealing your stupid magazine."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Japanese Style Fried Chicken (Karaage) By attosa [334 Posts, 1,543 Comments] Karaage (pronounced kara-ah-geh) is a super yummy Japanese style fried chicken. It has always been my favourite as far as fried foods. You can have them as an appetizer, but we eat them as one of many little dishes when we make Japanese food. It's delightful with a squeeze of lemon and superfine powdered salt. Total Time: 30 minutes Ingredients: 1 lb boneless skinless chicken thighs cut into 1 inch chunks 2 Tbsp soy sauce 2 tsp grated fresh ginger 2 Tbsp Mirin or Japanese sake (or any rice wine or dry sherry) 1/4 cup corn or potato starch 1/4 cup all purpose flour oil for frying lemon wedges Steps: In a plastic bag or in a bowl, add chicken, soy sauce, and ginger and toss until chicken is thoroughly coated in marinade. Refrigerate for at least 30 minutes and up to 8 hours. Heat oil in a large pot or wok over high heat until it reaches 350F. Whisk cornstarch and flour in a bowl. Add cornstarch and flour mixture to chicken pieces until well coated. Carefully add chicken to oil one at a time, making sure not to crowd the pot. Cook in batches, stirring occasionally, for 5 to 7 minutes each batch. Drain on a paper towel. Serve immediately, garnished with lemon slices and a side of powdered salt. Enjoy! Keep a metal lid handy while the oil is heating, and don't go checking your email in the meantime. Oil fires are harmless if you have a metal lid to put onto the pot, but will destroy your home if you try to use water to put the fire out. Just put the metal lid on the pot, turn off the burner and with electrical stoves, move the pot to a cool area of the stove top. Then go outside for five minutes. Everything will be fine. Any other method to deal with oil fires is stupid and often suicidal. Keep a metal lid handy when using oil for deep frying! I don't want to lose subscribers! Here you can see a brave firefighter demonstrating what happens with different methods of dealing with an oil fire. Have FUN! DearWebby
Dances with Deer
____________________________________________________ >From Liz: My husband is wonderful with our baby daughter, but often he turns to me for advice. Recently, I was in the shower when he poked his head in to ask, "What should I feed Lily for lunch?" "That's up to you," I replied. "There's all kinds of food. Why don't you pretend I'm not at home?" A few minutes later, my cell phone rang. I answered it to hear my husband asking, "Yeah, hi, Honey. Uh...what should I feed Lily for lunch?" ___________________________________________________
A town where the dead outnumber the living.
>From Linda While I was shopping in the mall with my three children, a display in the window of a lingerie store caught my eye. "Do you think Daddy would like this?" I asked the kids, as I pointed to the lacy pyjamas with matching robe. "No way," my horrified six-year-old son replied. "Daddy would never wear that!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Two little boys in first grade were chosen to be the leads in their first school play. It was to be a Shakespearean play. The first boy was to say "My fair maiden... I have come to snatch a kiss and fill your soul with hope." The second little boy was to reply by saying, "Hark, a pistol shot." Well, on opening night in the school auditorium, the two little boys were a bit nervous, knowing that all the seats were going to be filled with grown ups. The teacher told them to take their places on the stage and to remember to speak very loud as soon as the curtain goes up. The curtain rose and looking out upon the audience the two boys were terrified. They stood there staring out at the audience, frozen. So the teacher whispered for them to begin. The first boy yelled out these unforgettable words: "My fair maiden... I have come to kiss your snatch!! And fill your hole with soap." The second boy yelled..."Hark! A shistol pot! A postle shidd! A shiddle pot!" He turned and while fleeing the stage screamed: "AAAAARGH! I never wanted to be in this stupid play anyway!." The audience was howling.

Today, on June 15, in
1215 King John of England put his seal on the Magna Carta. 

1381 The English peasant revolt was crushed in London. 

1389 Ottoman Turks crushed Serbia in the Battle of Kosovo. 

1607 Colonists in North America completed James Fort in
Jamestown, VA. 

1667 Jean-Baptiste Denys administered the first fully-
documented human blood transfusion. He successfully transfused
the blood of a sheep to a 15-year old boy. 

1752 Benjamin Franklin experimented by flying a kite during a
thunderstorm. The result was a little spark that showed the
relationship between lightning and electricity. 

1775 George Washington was appointed head of the Continental
Army by the Second Continental Congress. 

1844 Charles Goodyear was granted a patent for the process
that strengthens rubber. 

1846 The United States and Britain settled a boundary dispute
concerning the boundary between the U.S. and Canada, by
signing a treaty. 

1864 An order to establish a military burial ground was signed
by Secretary of War Edwin M. Stanton. The location later
became known as Arlington National Cemetery. 

1866 Prussia attacked Austria. 

1877 Henry O. Flipper became the first African American to
graduate from the U.S. Military Academy at West Point. 

1898 The U.S. House of representatives approved the annexation
of Hawaii. 

1909 Benjamin Shibe patented the cork center baseball. 

1911 The Computing-Tabulating-Recording Co. was incorporated
in the state of New York. The company was later renamed
International Business Machines (IBM) Corp. 

1917 Great Britain pledged the release of all the Irish
captured during the Easter Rebellion of 1916. 

1919 Captain John Alcock and Lt. Arthur W. Brown won $50,000
for successfully completing the first, non-stop trans-Atlantic
plane flight. 

1938 Johnny Vandemeer (Cincinnati Reds) pitched his second
straight no-hitter. 

1940 The French fortress of Verdun was captured by Germans. 

1944 American forces began their successful invasion of Saipan
during World War II. 

1947 The All-Indian Congress accepted a British plan for the
partition of India. 

1948 Soviet authorities announced that the Autobahn would be
closed indefinitely "for repairs", cutting off Berlin.

1958 Greece severed military ties to Turkey because of the
Cypress issue. 

1964 The last French troops left Algeria. 

1978 King Hussein of Jordan married 26-year-old American Lisa
Halaby, who became Queen Noor. 

1981 The U.S. agreed to provide Pakistan with $3 billion in
military and economic aid from October 1982 to October 1987. 

1982 In the capital city of Stanley, the Falklands war ended
as Argentine troops surrendered to the British. 

1983 The U.S. Supreme Court reinforced its position on
abortion by striking down state and local restriction on

1986 Pravda, the Communist Party newspaper, reported that the
chief engineer of the Chernobyl nuclear plant was dismissed
for mishandling the incident at the plant. 

1992 It was ruled by the U.S. Supreme Court that the
government could kidnap criminal suspects from foreign
countries for prosecution. 

1992 U.S. Vice President Dan Quayle instructed a student to
spell "potato" with an "e" on the end during a spelling bee.
He had relied on a faulty flash card that had been written by
the student's teacher. 

1994 Israel and the Vatican established full diplomatic

1999 South Korean naval forces sank a North Korean torpedo
boat during an exchange in the disputed Yellow Sea. 

2017  smiled.

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Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, June 14

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Minnesota Father arrested for rubbing hot sauce 
into eyes of 2-month-old child.
Today, June 14 in
1789 Captain William Bligh of the HMS Bounty arrived 
in Timor in a small boat. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end. --- Margaret Thatcher (1925 - ) To succeed, jump as quickly at opportunities as you do at conclusions. --- Benjamin Franklin ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ There is a story about a new clerk in a supermarket. A customer asked him if she could buy half a grapefruit. Not knowing what to do, he excused himself to ask the manager. "Some nut out there wants to buy half a grapefruit..." he began, and, suddenly realizing that the customer had entered the office behind him, continued, " ... and this lovely lady would like to buy the other half." The manager was impressed with the way the clerk amicably resolved the problem and they later started chatting. "Where are you from?" asked the store manager. "Fessairton, Pennsylvania," replied the clerk, "home of ugly women and great hockey teams." "Oh, my WIFE is from Fessairton," challenged the manager. Without skipping a beat, the clerk asked, "What team was she on?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A man in a hurry taking his 8-year-old son to school, made a turn at a red light where it was prohibited. "Uh-oh, I think I just made an illegal turn!" the man said. "It's okay, Dad" the boy said. "The police car right behind us did the same thing." ______________________________________________________ Alaska is polluting! _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Shawn Michael Foltz, 31, Moorhead, Minnesota Minnesota Father arrested for rubbing hot sauce into eyes of 2-month-old child. A Minnesota man is accused of abusing his 2-month-old daughter, including rubbing hot sauce and cayenne pepper in her eyes and blocking her airway until she turned blue, the Duluth News Tribune reports. Shawn Michael Foltz, 31, of Moorhead, was charged Friday with neglect of a child, malicious punishment of a child and two counts of third-degree assault. A criminal complaint obtained by the newspaper alleges Foltz also snapped his daughter with a towel, burned her with hot water and threw fireworks in her face. The abuse happened from about April 10 until May 30, according to the complaint. Authorities learned of the abuse after the child's mother brought her to the hospital with visible injuries. When interviewed by police, Foltz admitted to some of the abuse, the newspaper reports, and also said he would think about ways to harm the baby while he was at work. Foltz is being held under a $100,000 bond. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Olga Re: Dialect site Dear Webby, You had a link once for a site, that turned everything into a goofy dialect. Does that site still exist? Olga Dear Olga It sure does! Dialectizer Have FUN! DearWebby
A genie gave three physicians one wish each. The first physician said, "I'm already the smartest pediatrician in the world, but I'd like to be 25% smarter." Poof! The pediatrician became 25% smarter. The second physician said, "I'm already the smartest neurologist in the world, but I'd like to be 50% smarter." Poof! The genie made the neurologist 50% smarter. The third physician told the genie, "I'm not only the smartest surgeon in the world, but I'm also the smartest doctor. But, just to be sure, I'd like you to make me 100% smarter." "This is the third and final wish," the genie said. "If I fulfill your wish, I can't change you back." "Just make me 100% smarter," the surgeon demanded. "Okay," said the genie. Poof! "You're a nurse practitioner!!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Steamed Fiddleheads By l_rambou [13 Posts, 2 Comments] Fiddleheads are a fern that are harvested as a vegetable. They are full of vitamin A and C as well as a good source of fibre and omega 3 fatty acids. They are a spring time vegetable that taste very similar to asparagus. I am steaming these but fiddleheads can also be used in soup, salad and pastas. They are usually available fresh at the local markets or they can be found in the frozen food section in most grocery stores. You can also harvest your own. They grow along the river edge in some areas. Prep Time: 10 minutes Cook Time: 20 minutes Total Time: 30 minutes Yield: 3-4 Ingredients: 1 lb fresh fiddleheads 6 - 8 cups water salt and pepper lemon butter Steps: Cut of the ends off of fiddleheads. Rinse well under cold water. Put fiddleheads in colander, and place over a pot of water. Cover and bring the water to a boil. Steam the fiddleheads for 20 minutes or until they are cooked to your liking. Add butter, salt and pepper and a squirt of lemon juice if you wish. Serve immediately. Steamed Fiddleheads and tiny potatoes make a nice side dish beside fish on a canoe trip. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________
Mexican Cheese Mattress - from my sister
____________________________________________________ "Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with." *** "Women are like fine wine. They all start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind and then turn full-bodied with age until they go all sour and vinegary and give you a head- ache." ___________________________________________________
Stunning Portraits from the 2017 Nat Geo Travel Photographer of the Year Contest
>From Bob The other night, my wife and I were going out for dinner. She put on eyebrow pencil, eye shadow, eyeliner, eyelashes, mascara, toner, blush and lipstick; adjusted the padding, tension, lift and bounce of her bra, then turned to me and asked, "Does this look natural?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Dear Webby- My wife and I can't agree on our vacation. -I want to go to the Bahamas, and she wants to go with me!!! Bill C

Today, on June 14, in
1775 The Continental Army was founded by the Second
Continental Congress for purposes of common defense. This
event is considered to be the birth of the United States Army.
On June 15, George Washington was appointed commander-in-

1789 Captain William Bligh of the HMS Bounty arrived in Timor
in a small boat. 

1834 Cyrus Hall McCormick received a patent for his reaping

1834 Isaac Fischer Jr. patented sandpaper. 

1841 The first Canadian parliament opened in Kingston. 

1846 A group of U.S. settlers in Sonoma proclaimed the
Republic of California. 

1900 Hawaii became a U.S. territory. 

1907 Women in Norway won the right to vote. 

1917 General John Pershing arrived in Paris during World War

1919 The first non-stop trans-Atlantic flight began. Captain
John Alcot and Lt. Arthur Brown flew from Newfoundland to

1927 Nicaraguan President Adolfo Diaz signed a treaty with the
U.S. allowing American intervention in his country. 

1940 The Nazis opened their concentration camp at Auschwitz in
German-occupied Poland. 

1940 German troops entered Paris. As Paris became occupied
loud speakers announced the implementation of a curfew being
imposed for 8 p.m. 

1943 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that schoolchildren could
not be made to salute the U.S. flag if doing so conflicted
with their religious beliefs. 

1944 Sixty U.S. B-29 Superfortress' attacked an iron and steel
works factory on Honshu Island. 

1945 Burma was liberated by Britain. 

1949 The state of Vietnam was formed. 

1951 "Univac I" was unveiled. It was a computer designed for
the U.S. Census Bureau and billed as the world's first
commercial computer. 

1952 The Nautilus was dedicated. It was the first nuclear
powered submarine. 

1954 U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower signed an order
adding the words "under God" to the Pledge of Allegiance. 

1954 Americans took part in the first nation-wide civil
defense test against atomic attack. 

1965 A military triumvirate took control in Saigon, South

1967 Mariner 5 was launched from Cape Kennedy, FL. The space
probe's flight took it past Venus. 

1982 Argentine forces surrendered to British troops on the
Falkland Islands. 

1989 Former U.S. President Reagan received an honorary
knighthood from Britain's Queen Elizabeth II. 

1990 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld police checkpoints that are
used to examine drivers for signs of intoxication. 

1994 The New York Rangers won the Stanley Cup by defeating the
Vancouver Canucks. It was the first time the Rangers had won
the cup in 54 years. 

2017  smiled.

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Psychics on the Internet 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, June 13

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Texas toddlers die after teenage mom intentionally
left them in car for 15 hours
Today, June 13 in
1920 The U.S. Post Office Department ruled that children 
may not be sent by parcel post. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ In journalism, there has always been a tension between getting it first and getting it right. --- Ellen Goodman (1941 - ) "A slender acquaintance with the world must convince every man that actions, not words, are the true criterion of the attachment of friends." --- George Washington ------------------ Women, however, need words and chocolate in addition to mere actions. ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Jacob (87) and Rebecca (82) are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way go past a super drugstore. Jacob suggests that they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?" The pharmacist answers "Yes". Jacob: "Do you sell heart medication?" Pharmacist: "Of course we do." Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?" Pharmacist: "All kinds." Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?" Pharmacist: "Definitely." Jacob: "How about Viagra?" Pharmacist: "Of course." Jacob: "Medicine for memory?" Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety." Jacob: "What about vitamins, constipation, and sleeping pills?" Pharmacist: "Absolutely." Jacob turns to Rebecca: "Sweetheart, we might as well register our wedding gift list with them." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ How To Interpret Employment Ads "Join Our Fast Paced Company" - We have no time to train you. "Casual Work Atmosphere" - We don't pay enough to expect that you will dress up. "Must be Deadline Oriented" - You will be six months behind schedule on your first day. "Some Overtime Required" - Some time each night, some time each weekend. "Duties will Vary" - Anyone in the office can boss you around. "Seeking Candidates with a Wide Variety of Experience" - You will need to replace three people who just left. "Problem Solving Skills a Must" - You are walking into a company in perpetual chaos. Haven't heard a word from anyone out there. Your first task is to find out what is going on. "Requires Team Leadership Skills" - You will have the responsibilities of a manager without the pay or respect. "Good Communication Skills" - Management communicates poorly, so you have to figure out what they want and do it. ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Amanda Hawkins, 19, Kerrsville, Texas Texas toddlers die after teenage mom intentionally left them in car for 15 hours Two toddlers are dead after authorities in Texas say their mother intentionally left them inside of a car for more than 15 hours as she hung out with friends on Tuesday night. Amanda Hawkins, 19, was arrested on two counts of abandoning or endangering a child following the tragedy involving her young daughters, the Kerr County Sheriff’s Office announced Friday. Sisters Brynn Hawkins, 1, and Addyson Overgard-Eddy, 2, were initially described as in “grave” condition after taken to a hospital in Kerrsville by their mother and a 16-year-old boy on Wednesday. There, their mother told hospital staff that the girls collapsed after smelling flowers at a lake, Sheriff W.R. “Rusty” Hierholzer said in a release. “They thought maybe they got into something poisonous,” Hierholzer recalled the mom’s story to Fox San Antonio. He said the story, however, quickly started to fall apart. An investigation by the police and child protective services found that Hawkins had intentionally left the girls overnight in her car while at a friend’s. Around noon the next day she found them unresponsive in the car, Hierholzer said. “Some of the witnesses said that they could hear the kids crying outside and told her to bring them in but she didn’t want to,” he told KENS 5. Instead of immediately seeking help, Hierholzer said the mom bathed them and redressed them. She allegedly told authorities that she didn’t want to take them to the hospital “because she didn’t want to get into trouble.” According to Fox San Antonio, someone talked her into taking them to a hospital. Around 5 p.m. the next day, they were taken off ventilator systems and died, Fox San Antonio reported. An autopsies of the bodies are currently underway. “This is by far the most horrific case of child endangerment that I have seen in the 37 years that I have been in law enforcement,” Hierholzer said in his statement. Hierholzer said charges against the girls’ mother may be upgraded because of their deaths. It will be up to a grand jury to decide. The 16-year-old boy may also face charges. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Rhonda Re: Psychics on the net Dear Webby, I have often wondered how those psychics that offer their services via email can do their readings over the Internet. Rhonda Der Rhonda Always remember, "Spammers Lie". Those "psychics" are just a bunch of silly crooks. The only thing they read is your credit card. All you get is some vague generalities that would fit anybody. Whenever I look in the trash for something else that I accidentally deleted, I always see a bunch of spam from "psychics". If they had the slightest bit of psychic ability then they would know that I filter their spam into the trash, unread. I would gladly do a psychic reading of the aura attached to your email, but my psychic abilities are telling me that considering your gullibility index, you are probably overdressed for the season. Have FUN! DearWebby
Sarah and Dick were having dinner with a couple they'd not seen for several years. Each couple tried to re- capture knowledge of the other by recounting their histories. "And soon after we were married," Sarah began, "we were blessed with a marvelous, chubby creature with cute bow legs and no teeth." "You had a baby, I presume," said the other husband. "Nope," Dick broke in, "Sarah's mother came to live with us."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Ham with Sweet Mustard Sauce By l_rambou [12 Posts, 2 Comments] Mustard tastes good with ham. You can use the extra sauce on your vegetables, potatoes or rice. You can add pineapple which is always nice with ham and makes an even sweeter sauce. Prep Time: 10 minutes Cook Time: 45 minutes Total Time: 55 minutes Yield: 3-4 Ingredients: 1 ham 1/3 cup yellow mustard 1/4 cup dijon mustard 1/4 cup brown sugar Steps: Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Slice ham and place in casserole dish. Stir together the mustards and brown sugar until well blended. Pour the sauce over the ham. Making sure all slices are covered. Cover and place in oven. Cook for 30 minutes, then remove the cover for the last 15 minutes of cooking. ____________________________________________________
Don't give up on the sea gulls, keep watching!
____________________________________________________ Allan moved into a nudist colony. He received a letter from his mother asking him to send her a current picture. Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts one in half and sends her the top part. Later he receives another letter asking him to send a picture to his grandmother. The man cuts another picture in half, but accidentally sends the bottom half. He is really worried when he realizes that he sent the wrong part, but then remembers how bad his grandmother's eyesight is and hopes she won't notice. A few weeks later he receives a letter from his grandmother. It says, "Thank you for the picture. You definitely have the Hinkley nose like your Grandpa, but you should get a better barber. The hairstyle you got is not flattering for a good looking young man like you!" ___________________________________________________
An amazing 21-year-old artist brings history to life through color.
"Grandma, when you and Grandpa had your first baby, did Grandpa ever handle the middle of the night feeding?" "No. I always did that." "That must have been before you had women's liberation." "No, it was before we had baby bottles."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ The personnel manager was impressing the applicant with the prospective job. "We make parts for microscopes. You'll be required to work with lenses that are a hundredth of an inch thick." "I can handle it," the applicant said, "I used to slice meat in a delicatessen. I can slice ham so thin that it is kosher."

Today, on June 13, in
1415 Henry the Navigator, the prince of Portugal, embarked on
an expedition to Africa. 

1777 The Marquis de Lafayette arrived in the American colonies
to help with their rebellion against the British. 

1789 Ice cream was served to General George Washington by Mrs.
Alexander Hamilton. 

1825 Walter Hunt patented the safety pin. Hunt then then sold
the rights for $400. 

1866 The 14th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was passed by
the U.S. Congress.

1898 The Canadian Yukon Territory was organized. 

1900 China's Boxer Rebellion against foreigners and Chinese
Christians erupted into violence. 

1912 Captain Albert Berry made the first successful parachute
jump from an airplane in Jefferson, Mississippi. 

1920 The U.S. Post Office Department ruled that children may
not be sent by parcel post. 

1922 Charlie Osborne started the longest attack on hiccups. He
hiccuped over 435 million times before stopping. He died in
1991, 11 months after his hiccups ended. 

1923 The French set a trade barrier between the occupied Ruhr
and the rest of Germany. That did not go over well at all.

1927 Charles Lindbergh was honored with a ticker-tape parade
in New York City. 

1927 For the first time, an American Flag was displayed from
the right hand of the Statue of Liberty. 

1940 Paris was evacuated before the German advance on the

1943 German spies landed on Long Island, New York. They were
soon captured. 

1944 Germany launched 10 of its new V1 rockets against Britain
from a position near the Channel coast. Of the 10 rockets only
5 landed in Britain and only one managed to kill (6 people in

1944 Marvin Camras patented the wire recorder. 

1949 Bao Dai entered Saigon to rule Vietnam. He had been
installed by the French. 

1951 U.N. troops seized Pyongyang, North Korea. 

1966 The landmark "Miranda v. Arizona" decision was issued by
the U.S. Supreme Court. The decision ruled that criminal
suspects had to be informed of their constitutional rights
before being questioned by police. 

1967 Solicitor General Thurgood Marshall was nominated by
President Lyndon B. Johnson to become the first black justice
on the U.S. Supreme Court. 

1971 The New York Times began publishing the "Pentagon
Papers". The articles were a secret study of America's
involvement in Vietnam. 

1978 Israelis withdrew the last of their invading forces from

1979 Sioux Indians were awarded $105 million in compensation
for the U.S. seizure in 1877 of their Black Hills in South

1983 The unmanned U.S. space probe Pioneer 10 became the first
spacecraft to leave the solar system. It was launched in March
1972. The first up-close images of the planet Jupiter were
provided by Pioneer 10. 

1988 The Liggett Group, a cigarette manufacturer, was found
liable for a lung-cancer death. They were, however, found
innocent by the federal jury of misrepresenting the risks of

1994 A jury in Anchorage, Alaska, found Exxon Corp. and
Captain Joseph Hazelwood to be reckless in the Exxon Valdez
oil spill. 

1995 France announced that they would conduct eight more
nuclear tests in the South Pacific. 

2000 In Pyongyang, North Korea's leader Kim Jong Il welcomed
South Korea's President Kim Dae for a three-day summit. It was
the first such meeting between the leaders of North and South

2017  smiled.

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Lighting for group photo 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, June 12

Thank you, Nancy!!!

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Math teacher, 25, jailed after her colleagues tipped off cops
about her romping with THREE teenage pupils 
Today, June 12 in
1099 Crusade leaders visited the Mount of Olives where they
met a hermit who urged them to assault Jerusalem. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Strong minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, weak minds discuss people. --- Socrates Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it turned into a butterfly. --- Dona Television is to news as bumperstickers are to philosophy. --- Richard Milhous Nixon ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ There is a story about a new clerk in a supermarket. A customer asked him if she could buy half a grapefruit. Not knowing what to do, he excused himself to ask the manager. "Some nut out there wants to buy half a grapefruit..." he began, and, suddenly realizing that the customer had entered the office behind him, continued, " ... and this lovely lady would like to buy the other half." The manager was impressed with the way the clerk amicably resolved the problem and they later started chatting. "Where are you from?" asked the store manager. "Fessairton, Pennsylvania," replied the clerk, "home of ugly women and great hockey teams." "Oh, my WIFE is from Fessairton," challenged the manager. Without skipping a beat, the clerk asked, "What team was she on?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic. "Here is the situation," she said. "A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?" A girl raised her hand and said, "To clean out all his bank acconts before the inlaws get at them?" ______________________________________________________ Brittany, France _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Erin McAuliffe, 25, Rocky Mount, North Carolina Math teacher, 25, jailed after her colleagues tipped off cops about her romping with THREE teenage pupils McAuliffe has been sacked from Rocky Mount Preparatory School in North Carolina The investigation was launched after admin staff at her school tipped off cops about alleged misconduct involving the maths tutor. All the reported romps with the three boys two 17, one 16 took place away from school, police said. McAuliffe has been charged with three counts of sexual activity with a student and one of indecent liberties with a minor. She has been sacked from Rocky Mount Preparatory, North Carolina, where she had worked since last August. Her bosses said: "We have been fully cooperative with local law enforcement during the course of their handling of this matter." McAuliffe is being held at Carteret County Jail after she was taken into custody on Thursday. She is due in court on Monday. The Rocky Mount job was the first time McAuliffe worked as a teacher full-time, according to her Linkedin profile. She also offered "after-school tutoring to help struggling students improve their critical thinking and problem-solving skills." McAuliffe also worked to "develop alternate enrichment activities and modifications in student programs to increase student understanding." ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Brian Re: Light / Flash placement Dear Webby, I was picked (on) to take the volunteer award pictures. I remember that you said to avoid flash if at all possible, but I don't remember what you said about where to place lights. The overhead lights are pretty good and I have room to place hat racks with quartz construction lights on both sides of me. What do you suggest? Brian Put all lights to one side of you. Otherwise you kill contrast. An outstretched arms length or a bit more distance is best. The height of the lights should be a hands width higher than their heads for young people, and about waist high for older people. Low lighting makes double-chins disappear and is generally more flattering to older people. Have FUN! DearWebby
A second grader arrived home after school and shocked his mother by announcing, "Today we learned how to make babies." Risking further embarrassment, the mother asked for details on how to make babies. "It's simple, the boy replied, "Just drop the'y' and add 'ies."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Make Dry Shampoo With Baking Soda and Baby Powder By Dorin [4 Posts, 30 Comments] I mix baking soda with baby powder as a great dry shampoo. I recommend the lavender/chamomile baby powder. The baking soda cleans off build up, and the baby powder soaks up the oil. It's absolutely great when you don't have time for a shower, and gives your hair great body! By Dorinmoz from Sugar Land, TX ____________________________________________________
All By Myself at the airport
____________________________________________________ The applicant for life insurance was finding it difficult to fill out the application. The salesman asked what the trouble was, and the man said that he couldn't answer the question about the cause of death of his father. The salesman wanted to know why. After some embarrassment the client explained that his father had been hanged. The wise salesman pondered for a moment. "Just write: 'Father was taking part in a public function when the platform gave way.'" ___________________________________________________
Wish I could visit all of these places.
It was mealtime during our trip on a small airline in the South. "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked the man seated in front of me. "What are my choices?" he asked. "Yes or no," she replied. --------------- That's even worse than we used to have at Scare North (Air North). There the choice was: "Frozen or thawed?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ >From Edna Dear Webby, can you please try to find that old bricklayer's accident report again? You haven't told that one for five years at least, and I can't find it any more. Thanks Edna No Problem, Edna. I have sent that around since the days when I did it via fax, before the internet. Here it is: I am writing in response to your request for additional information. In block number 3 in the Accident Report Form I put "Lost Presence-of-Mind" as the cause of my accident. You asked in your letter that I should explain more fully, and I trust the following details will be sufficient. I am a bricklayer, by trade. On the day of the accident I was working alone on the roof of a new 6 story building. When I completed my work, I discovered I had about 500 pounds of bricks left over. Rather than carry them down by hand, I decided to lower them down in a barrel, using a pully, which fortunately was attached to the building at the 6th floor. Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out, and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went to the ground floor, untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow decent of the 500 pounds of bricks. You will note in block number 3 of the Accident Reporting Form, that I weigh 145 pounds. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence-of-mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a high rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the 3rd floor, I met the barrel coming down--this explains the fractured skull and broken collar bone. Slowed, only so slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my hand were 2 knuckles deep into the pully. Fortunately, by this time I had regained my presence-of-mind, and was able to hold tightly to the rope inspite of my increasing pain. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottem fell out of the barrel. Devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel now weighed approximately 50 pounds. I refer you again to my weight in block number 3, and as you might imagine--I began a rapid decent down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the 3rd floor, yes, I met the barrel coming up, this accounts for the 2 fractured ankles, and the lacerations on my legs and lower body. The encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell onto the pile of bricks, and fortunately, only 3 vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to stand, and watching the empty barrel 6 stories above me, I again lost my presence-of-mind, and let go of the rope. The empty barrel weighed more than the rope--so it came down on me and broke both my legs. I trust I have furnished you the information you require as to how this accident occurred.

Today, on June 12, in
1099 Crusade leaders visited the Mount of Olives where they
met a hermit who urged them to assault Jerusalem. 

1442 Alfonso V of Aragon was crowned King of Naples. 

1665 England installed a municipal government in New York. It
was the former Dutch settlement of New Amsterdam. 

1812 Napoleon's invasion of Russia began. 

1839 Abner Doubleday created the game of baseball, according
to the legend. 

1849 Lewis Haslett patented a gas mask. (Patent US6529 A) 

1897 Carl Elsener patented his penknife. The object later
became known as the Swiss army knife. 

1898 Philippine nationalists declared their independence from

1900 The Reichstag approved a second law that would allow the
expansion of the German navy. 

1901 Cuba agreed to become an American protectorate by
accepting the Platt Amendment. 

1918 The first airplane bombing raid by an American unit
occurred on World War I's Western Front in France. 

1921 U.S. President Warren Harding urged every young man to
attend military training camp. 

1923 Harry Houdini, while suspended upside down 40 feet above
the ground, escaped from a strait jacket. 

1926 Brazil quit the League of Nations in protest over plans
to admit Germany. 

1935 U.S. Senator Huey Long of Louisiana made the longest
speech on Senate record. The speech took 15 1/2 hours and was
filled by 150,000 words. 

1935 The Chaco War was ended with a truce. Bolivia and
Paraguay had been fighting since 1932. 

1937 The Soviet Union executed eight army leaders under Joseph

1941 In London, the Inter-Allied Declaration was signed. It
was the first step towards the establishment of the United

1944 Chinese Communist leader Mao Tse-tung announced that he
would support Nationalist leader Chiang Kai-shek in the war
against Japan. 

1948 Ben Hogan won his first U.S. Open golf classic. 

1963 "Cleopatra" starring Elizabeth Taylor, Rex Harrison, and
Richard Burton premiered at the Rivoli Theatre in New York

1963 Civil rights leader Medgar Evers was fatally shot in
front of his home in Jackson, MS. 

1967 State laws which prohibited interracial marriages were
ruled unconstitutional by the U.S. Supreme Court. 

1975 Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi was found guilty of
corrupt election practices in 1971. 

1979 Bryan Allen flew the Gossamer Albatross, man powered,
across the English Channel. 

1981 Major league baseball players began a 49 day strike. The
issue was free-agent compensation. 

1981 "Raiders of the Lost Ark" opened in the U.S. 

1982 75,000 people rallied against nuclear weapons in New York
City's Central Park. Jackson Browne, James Taylor, Bruce
Springsteen, and Linda Ronstadt were in attendance. 

1985 Wayne "The Great One" Gretsky was named winner of the
NHL's Hart Trophy. The award is given to the the league Most
Valuable Player. 

1985 The U.S. House of Representatives approved $27 million in
aid to the Nicaraguan contras. 

1986 South Africa declared a national state of emergency.
Virtually unlimited power was given to security forces and
restrictions were put on news coverage of the unrest. 

1987 U.S. President Reagan publicly challenged Mikhail
Gorbachev to tear down the Berlin Wall. 

1990 The parliament of the Russian Federation formally
declared its sovereignty. 

1991 Russians went to the election polls and elected Boris N.
Yeltsin as the president of their republic. 

1992 In a letter to the U.S. Senate, Russian Boris Yeltsin
stated that in the early 1950's the Soviet Union had shot down
nine U.S. planes and held 12 American survivors. 

1996 In Philadelphia a panel of federal judges blocked a law
against indecency on the internet. The panel said that the
1996 Communications Decency Act would infringe upon the free
speech rights of adults. 

1997 The U.S. Treasury Department unveiled a new $50 bill
meant to be more counterfeit-resistant. 

1998 Compaq Computer paid $9 billion for Digital Equipment
Corp. in largest high-tech acquisition. 

1999 NATO peacekeeping forces entered the province of Kosovo
in Yugoslavia. 

2003 In Arkansas, Terry Wallis spoke for the first time in
nearly 19 years. Wallis had been in a coma since July 13,
1984, after being injured in a car accident. 

2009 In the U.S., The switch from analog TV trasmission to
digital was completed.

2017  smiled.

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Connect via wireless in new home 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, June 11

Thank you, Nancy!!!

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Northern Irish man, 29, punched two-year-old toddler girl 
in the face leaving her with brain injuries just so he 
could watch X Factor in peace.
Today, June 11 in
1770 Captain James Cook discovered the Great Barrier Reef 
off of Australia when he ran aground. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Children are all foreigners. --- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882) No one has ever had an idea in a dress suit. --- Sir Frederick G. Banting (1891 - 1941) Household tasks are easier and quicker when they are done by somebody else. --- James Thorpe Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment. --- Barry LePatner ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Every time the man next door headed toward Robinson's house, Robinson knew he was coming to borrow something. "He won't get away with it this time," muttered Robinson to his wife. "Watch this." "Er, I wonder if you'd be using your power-saw this morning," the neighbor began. "Gee, I'm awfully sorry," said Robinson with a smug look, "but the fact of the matter is, I'll be using it all day." And the neighbor said, "Well, in that case, you won't be using your golf clubs. Mind if I borrow them?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ After deciding that their frail, elderly mother can no longer live alone, a family brings her to a nursing home, hoping she'll be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe the old woman, feed her a tasty breakfast, and sit her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems fine, but after a while she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seems fine, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning. Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home. "So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?" they ask. "It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let you fart." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Darren Fagan, 29, Portadown, Co Armagh, Northern Ireland Northern Irish man, 29, punched two-year-old toddler girl in the face leaving her with brain injuries just so he could watch X Factor in peace. A THUG who punched a two-year-old girl in the face so he could watch the X Factor in peace was today jailed for a total of 13 and a half years. Darren Fagan's sickening attack left the toddler with "life- changing" brain injuries, Belfast Crown Court heard. The court was told how Fagan, 29, confessed to a probation officer he "punched the child to her head as she would not stop crying" while he was trying to enjoy the TV talent show with his partner the child's mother. The judge heard at the time of the assault on October 19, 2014, the young victim was aged two years and four months. At that point, her mother, who was separated from the child's father, had met Fagan about "eight to 10 times". After the child was put to bed in her home in Bessbrook, Co Armagh, Northern Ireland she became unsettled prompting the mother to go and check on her. Deciding to fetch her some medicine from the kitchen she said she noticed that Fagan was no longer in the living room. As she went upstairs, the mother alleged that her daughter "stopped crying" and she heard a "sudden noise like a thud". A prosecution barrister told the court: "She says that within three seconds of hearing the thud she was in the room and saw the defendant standing up, crouched over her daughter's bed. "She noticed a large lump on the left side of her head." The barrister added: "She shouted at him: 'Oh my God, you've hit her!' "And the defendant replied: "No, it's not what it looks like." Doctors discovered that the toddler had sustained severe head injuries, including multiple fractures and a brain haemorrhage. A judge at Belfast Crown Court branded his claim the child had struck her head when her mother fell carrying her down the stairs as "cowardly, vindictive and shameful". The court heard that Fagan, formerly of Portadown, Co Armagh had an "extensive criminal record" including convictions for violence. One of those convictions was for assaulting the 20-month-old child of a previous partner. Fagan pleaded guilty to a single charge of causing grievous bodily harm with intent. A charge of attempted murder was left on file. He was also handed an extended custodial sentence of three years "for the protection of the public". ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Amanda Re: Wireless Network Dear Webby, We had to move because of the flood and will be in a rented house for some time. We need to connect a home network for my two girls and one for hubby and one for me. It's an older house and there is no cabling like we have in our house. What do you suggest? Thanks Amanda Dear Amanda Getting cabling installed could be very expensive. Your best bet is to get a wireless router, if your router does not have those telltale little antennas on it. Most computers nowadays have wireless capability. If yours doesn't, get a USB wireless Network card for the machines that don't have wireless. After that, it's just a matter of clicking on the network icon in the bottom right corner, and stepping through the setup. It's not difficult, but depending on your ISP, can be a bit tedious. If necessary, call your ISP's support, and they will step you through the setup. Have FUN! DearWebby
Thanks to Dianne for this story: On a street, where the speed is limited to 30 mph the police stop a driver. "Not only have you been driving too fast, you've been passing cars where it is not allowed. Your lights don't work, and your tires all completely worn out. This is going to cost you a lot. What's your name?" "Schtrathewisizeski Vocgefastilongchinic." "Well, I'll let you go this time, but don't do it again!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Homemade Wasp Repellent By Jill Kayser [1 Post] Wasps seem to hate warm soapy water. I attached a sprayer to my hose with simple dish soap in it. I applied some several times during the day and have successfully deterred a large nest that was visible and inside my covered porch structure. I have animals and plants and was reluctant to use a bunch of wasp spray. ____________________________________________________
Rain in Africa
____________________________________________________ Mrs. Smith pulled Mrs. Jones out of earshot of the porch, where Mrs. Jones' lovely young daughter, Linda, sat. "It is really none of my business," whispered Mrs. Smith, "but have you noticed what your daughter is doing?" "Why, no. Is she up to anything special?" Mrs. Smith leaned closer. "Haven't you noticed? She has started knitting tiny garments!" Mrs. Jones' troubled brow cleared. "Well, thank goodness," she said smiling, "at last she has taken an interest in something besides running around with boys." ___________________________________________________
Unbelievable places that really exist.
During the last session of our teaching workshop, participants were asked to state their personal goals for the immediate future. One teacher vowed to update photo albums, another to lose weight. The goal that got the most response, however, was given by a slightly out-of-shape kindergarten teacher. "I resolve to exercise until I can complete a 20-minute workout in less than an hour," she said.
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ A member of the Country Club asked the lifeguard how he might go about teaching a young lady to swim. "It takes considerable time and technique." replied the guard. "First you must take her into the water, then place one arm about her waist, hold her tightly, then take her right arm and raise it very slowly..." "This is certainly most helpful." said the member. "I know that my sister will appreciate it." "Your sister?" said the lifeguard. "In that case, just push her into the deep end of the pool. She'll learn in a hurry."

Today, on June 11, in
1346 Charles IV of Luxembourg was elected Holy Roman Emperor
in Germany. 

1509 King Henry VIII married his first of six wives, Catherine
of Aragon. 

1770 Captain James Cook discovered the Great Barrier Reef off
of Australia when he ran aground. 

1798 Napoleon Bonaparte took the island of Malta. 

1895 Charles E. Duryea received the first U.S. patent granted
to an American inventor for a gasoline-driven automobile. 

1912 Silas Christoferson became the first pilot to take off
from the roof of a hotel. 

1915 British troops took Cameroon in Africa. 

1927 Charles A. Lindberg was presented the first Distinguished
Flying Cross. 

1930 William Beebe dove to a record-setting depth of 1,426
feet off the coast of Bermuda. He used a diving chamber called
a bathysphere. 

1934 The Disarmament Conference in Geneva ended in failure. 

1936 The Presbyterian Church of America was formed in
Philadelphia, PA. 

1937 Soviet leader Josef Stalin began a purge of Red Army

1940 The Italian Air Force bombed the British fortress at
Malta in the Mediterranean. 

1942 The U.S. and the Soviet Union signed a lend lease
agreement to aid the Soviets in their effort in World War II. 

1943 During World War II, the Italian island of Pantelleria
surrendered after a heavy air bombardment. 

1947 The U.S. government announced an end to sugar rationing. 

1963 Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. was arrested in Florida for
trying to integrate restaurants. 

1963 Alabama Gov. George Wallace allowed two black students to
enroll at the University of Alabama. 

1967 Israel and Syria accepted a U.N. cease-fire. 

1973 After a ruling by the Justice Department of the State of
Pennsylvania, women were licensed to box or wrestle. 

1977 In the Netherlands, a 19-day hostage situation came to an
end when Dutch marines stormed a train and a school being held
by South Moluccan extremist. Two hostages and the six
terrorists were killed. 

1982 Steven Spielberg's movie "E.T." opened. 

1987 Margaret Thatcher became the first British prime minister
in 160 years to win a third consecutive term of office. 

1990 The U.S. Supreme Court struck down a law that would
prohibit the desecration of the American Flag. 

1991 Mount Pinatubo in the Philippines erupted. The eruption
of ash and gas could be seen for more than 60 miles. 

1993 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that people who commit "hate
crimes" could be sentenced to extra punishment. The court also
ruled in favor of religious groups saying that they indeed had
a constitutional right to sacrifice animals during worship

1993 Steven Spielberg's movie "Jurassic Park" opened. 

1998 Mitsubishi of America agreed to pay $34 million to end
the largest sexual harassment case filed by the U.S.
government. The federal lawsuit claimed that hundreds of women
at a plant in Normal, IL, had endured groping and crude jokes
from male workers. 

1998 Pakistan announced moratorium on nuclear testing and
offered to talk with India over disputed Kashmir. 

2010 The FIFA World Cup opened in South Africa. It was the
first time it was held in Africa. 

2017  smiled.

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Is eBay safe? 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, June 10

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Man Shot Dead After Seen Trying To Drown Babies In Tub
and menacing their mother with a knife
Today, June 10 in
1776 The Continental Congress appointed a committee to 
write a Declaration of Independence. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ "Always remember, a cat looks down on man, a dog looks up to man, but a pig will look man right in the eye nd see his equal." -- Winston Churchill ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test. Speaking about a specific condition, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?" , in the back of the room, raised a hand and said, "A basketball coach?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ For months Bill had been Lynn's devoted admirer. At long last he had collected sufficient courage to ask her the momentous question. "There are quite a lot of advantages to being a bachelor," Bill began, "but there comes a time when one longs for the companionship of another being, a being who will regard one as perfect, as an idol; whom one can treat as one's absolute own; who will be kind and faithful when times are hard; who will share one's joys and sorrows." To his delight, Bill saw a sympathetic gleam in Lynn's eyes. Then she nodded in agreement, "I think it's a wonderful idea! Can I help you pick out a puppy?" ______________________________________________________ Greenland, Aurora and Milky Way _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Leland Foster, 27, Ada, Oklahoma Man Shot Dead After Seen Trying To Drown Babies In Tub and menacing their mother with a knife An Oklahoma man was shot dead by a neighbor while trying to drown his 3-month-old twins in a bathtub on Friday, authorities said. A 12-year-old girl, who was able to escape the home in Ada, alerted the neighbor to the horrific scene inside, prompting him to enter with a handgun, News 9 reported. The neighbor told police he saw 27-year-old Leland Foster holding the babies under water while threatening their mother with a knife. The neighbor, identified as Cash Freeman, responded by shooting Foster twice in his back, killing him. The infants were taken to a hospital and released on Saturday, KXII reported. It's awful because I've held the babies and, like, I've played with them and I just gave them clothes yesterday, neighbor Summer Pierce told KFOR News. Freeman, speaking to KFOR off camera, said he was only trying to save the babies and expressed concern that he may be in trouble. The district attorney's office will ultimately determine whether charges are warranted. Foster had a history of violence, criminal records show. In 2011 he was charged with arson and domestic violence by strangulation in the first degree after being accused of choking his ex-girlfriend and setting her clothes on fire inside an apartment. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Roberta Re: Is E-Bay safe? Dear Webby, I am fairly new to the Internet and have some questions about buying stuff from e-bay. Have you ever bought anything from there? How safe is it? Roberta Dear Roberta Yes, I have bought many things via ebay, from software to electronics. I have always been happy with my purchases. It's quite safe to buy stuff via ebay. They are a huge company and can't afford to let any crooks giving them a bad name. If somebody tries something crooked, they jump on them with both feet. Here are some tricks to make your shopping there easier: 1) Get a PayPal account and an ebay account. 2) If you want a certain item, check with to see how much it is in the stores. 3) Decide how much you are willing to budget for that item. 4) Put that amount into your Automatic Maximum Bid, but leave the automatic bidding turned off. 5) Bid a small amount to get into the action. 6) Watch the bidding but just quietly observe until a few minutes before closing of that item. Then turn the automatic bidding on. It will top all other bids with the incremental amount that you have chosen, but stay within your set maximum amount. As long as you do #2 and #4, you won't get carried away with auction fever and spend too much. Always pay for what you won immediately. Most sellers will reciprocate and ship just as promptly. Have FUN! DearWebby
>From Frank: When my wife had to rush to the hospital unexpectedly, she asked me to bring her a few items from home. One item on her list was "comfortable underwear." Worried I'd make the wrong choice, I asked, "How will I know which ones to pick?" "Hold them up and imagine them on me," she answered. "If you smile, put them back."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Growing Sunflowers in Containers By EllenB [846 Posts, 1 Comment] Sunflowers do great in containers. In fact, container gardening has gotten so popular in the past few years that there are now literally dozens of varieties of sunflowers available that have been developed specifically for growing in containers (e.g. 'Big Smile', 'Italian White', 'Music Box', 'Elite Sun', etc.). Almost any variety can be grown successfully in containers, as long as you meet its growing conditions and provide it with a big enough pot. The really tall or mammoth varieties will likely need staking to remain upright in pots. Plant seeds in full sun, using a light potting soil or soil- less mix. Plant the seeds to a depth of 1 inch (6 inches apart) and expect to see them germinate quickly. Days to maturity will vary according to each variety. Seedlings of regular varieties will need to be thinned to 12 to 18 inches and given plenty of room to grow and spread out. Dwarf varieties can be packed in a little more closely together, but still need to be spaced at least 4 to 5 inches apart. Sunflower roots are quite large and like to spread out. Mammoth varieties grow best in half barrels or containers that are at least 6 to 18 inches deep and 12 inches wide. Smaller containers will keep plants from reaching their full growth potential. Sunflowers grown in containers need to be watered daily and even more frequently during really hot weather. Feed them a 1/2 strength water-soluble fertilizer every other week or so to support big blooms, and mulch around the tops of the containers to help conserve moisture. ____________________________________________________
spelunking in the Ozarks
____________________________________________________ Dr. Willis finished examining Matilda and went into the hallway to talk to her husband Bernie. "I don't want to alarm you," he said to Bernie, "but I don't like the way your wife looks at all." "Me neither, Doc." replied Bernie. "But she's a great cook and really good with the kids." ___________________________________________________
Incredible art work out of sand. Click on his web site to see more of his work.
Thanks to Dave for this one: While working in the psychology department at Glen Oaks Community College in Centreville, MI, I was asked to enlarge a chart for a meeting. I called the copy room and asked, "Can I get something blown up down there?" After a pause the voice on the line replied, "I think you want the chemistry lab."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Betty for the seasonal favorite Chili Contest: *Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better! For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time the Rodeo comes to town. It takes up a major portion of the parking lot at the Astrodome. The notes are from an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast: Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The Judge #3 called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Budweiser truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted." Here are the scorecards from the event: Chili # 1 (Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili) Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick. Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild. Judge # 3 -- (Frank) Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy. Chili # 2 (Arthur's Afterburner Chili) Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang. Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously. Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face. Chili # 3 (Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili) Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Needs more beans. Judge # 2 -- A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers. Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced from all of the beer! Chili # 4 (Bubba's Black Magic) Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing. Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili. Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the barmaid was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-lb bitch is starting to look HOT... just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac? Chili # 5 (Linda's Legal Lip Remover) Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive. Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement. Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks. Chili # 6 (Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety) Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers. Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb. Judge #3-- I shit myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. She must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone. Chili # 7 (Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili) Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers. Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should take note that I am worried about Judge #3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably. Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like shit to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach. Chili # 8 (Tommy's Toe-Nail Curling Chili) Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence. Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor dude, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili.

Today, on June 10, in
1776 The Continental Congress appointed a committee to write a
Declaration of Independence. 

1793 The Jardin des Plantes zoo opened in Paris. It was the
first public zoo. 

1801 The North African State of Tripoli declared war on the
U.S. The dispute was over merchant vessels being able to
travel safely through the Mediterranean. The Marines settled
that in short order.

1854 The U.S. Naval Academy in Annapolis, MD, held its first

1898 U.S. Marines landed in Cuba during the Spanish-American

1902 The "outlook" or "see-through" envelope was patented by
Americus F. Callahan. 

1903 Binney & Smith Company began developing a product line of
wax crayons. The product was named Crayola. 

1909 The SOS distress signal was used for the first time. The
Cunard liner SS Slavonia used the signal when it wrecked off
the Azores. 

1916 Mecca, under control of the Turks, fell to the Arabs
during the Great Arab Revolt. 

1920 The Republican convention in Chicago endorsed woman

1924 The Republican National Convention was broadcast by NBC
radio. It was the first political convention to be on radio. 

1925 The state of Tennessee adopted a new biology text book
that denied the theory of evolution. 

1933 Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow were in a car accident on
a rural road in north Texas. The third-degree burns suffered
by Parker resulted in a pronounced limp for the rest of her

1935 Alcoholic Anonymous was founded by William G. Wilson and
Dr. Robert Smith. 

1940 Italy declared war on France and Britain. In addition,
Canada declared war on Italy. 

1943 Laszlo Biro patented his ballpoint pen. Biro was a
Hungarian journalist. 

1943 The Allies began bombing Germany around the clock. 

1944 The youngest pitcher in major league baseball pitched his
first game. Joe Nuxhall was 15 years old (and 10 months and 11

1946 Italy established a republic replacing its monarchy. 

1948 Chuck Yeager exceeded the speed of sound in the Bell XS-

1954 General Motors announced the gas turbine bus had been
produced successfully. 

1967 Israel and Syria agreed to a cease-fire that ended the
Six-Day War. 

1970 A fifteen-man group of special forces troops began
training for Operation Kingpin. The operation was a POW rescue
mission in North Vietnam. 

1971 The U.S. ended a 21-year trade embargo of China. 

1984 The U.S. Army successfully tested an antiballistic

1984 The United States and the Vatican established full
diplomatic relations for the first time in 117 years. 

1985 Frank Sinatra was portrayed as a friend of organized
crime in a "Doonesbury" comic strip. Over 800 newspapers
carried the panel. 

1985 The Israeli army pulled out of Lebanon after 1,099 days
of occupation. 

1990 The Civic Forum movement won Czechoslovakia's first free
elections since 1946. The movement was founded by President
Vaclav Havel. 

1990 Bulgaria's former Communist Party won the country's first
free elections in more than four decades. 

1993 It was announced by scientists that genetic material was
extracted from an insect that lived when dinosaurs roamed the

1994 U.S. President Clinton intensified sanctions against
Haiti's military leaders. U.S. commercial air travel was
suspended along with most financial transactions between Haiti
and the U.S. 

1996 Britain and Ireland opened Northern Ireland peace talks.
The IRA's political arm Sinn Fein was excluded. 

1998 The Wisconsin Supreme Court ruled that poor children in
Milwaukee could attend religious schools at taxpayer expense. 

1999 NATO suspended air strikes in Yugoslavia after Slobodan
Milosevic agreed to withdraw his forces from Kosovo.

2017  smiled.

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Email forwarding scams 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, June 9
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman passed out in running Jeep
Today, June 8 in
1534 Jacques Cartier became the first to sail into the 
river he named Saint Lawrence. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ All phone calls are obscene. --- Karen Elizabeth Gordon Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory as the wish to forget it. --- Michel de Montaigne (1533 - 1592) My favorite animal is steak. --- Fran Lebowitz ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a gathering, and his hostess naturally broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me, Doctor," she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?" "Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track." "What sort of question?" "Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?' The hostess thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ >From Alf My mother was away all weekend at a business conference. During a break, she decided to call home collect. My six-year-old brother picked up the phone and heard a stranger's voice say, "We have a Betty on the line. Will you accept the charges?" Frantic, he dropped the receiver and came charging outside screaming, "Dad! They've got Mom! An they want money!" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by DUH? Abby Hart, 33, St. Johns Florida St. Johns County woman passed out in running Jeep A St. Johns woman was found passed out in a Jeep -- with the windows up and her foot on the brake, a St. Johns County Sheriff's report said. Abby Hart, 33, was charged with DUI shortly after being found around noon on Tuesday. The St. Johns County Sheriff's Office received a report that a 2016 Jeep Laredo was driving erratically on Valley Ridge Parkway near Nocatee. Hart's Jeep was followed by a deputy and later found sitting in the left turn lane on U.S. 1 to Race Track Road. The Jeep had not moved despite several green lights, the report said. Deputies said they were forced to wedge a patrol car in front of the Jeep to prevent Hart from waking up and possibly causing a crash by driving off. Hart did wake up, deputies said, and her Jeep moved forward and struck a patrol car. Hart had a Sutter Home Pinot Grigio wine bottle between her legs, the St. Johns County Sheriff's Office said, and several empty bottles in the front seat. When Hart was asked where she was going, she said she was going home and that the police needed to let her go, the report said. She also attempted to go back to sleep while in the car, police said. Hart refused to perform field sobriety tests and refused to take a breath test, police said. Hart was held overnight in the St. Johns County Jail and was released early Wednesday on $1,000 bail. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Janina Re: Forwards Dear Webby, I imagine you get this question now and then but I would like to ask you anyway.... those silly "forwards" we get that say ..... This is the coolest thing I have ever gotten. All you have to do is send it to 7 people and watch your screen, it is the funniest clip. I can't tell you what is but I was laughing so hard I almost fell off my chair!!! So, send it to those 7 people and watch. ... Janina Dear Janina Those are all just gullibility traps for collecting addresses to spam to. If somebody is silly enough to forward stuff like that, chances are good that all kinds of snake oil can be sold to them. The only chain letter that does not get you onto a spam list is this one: Safe Chain Have FUN! DearWebby
Daffinitions: 1.Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period. 2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole. 3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. 4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly. 5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future. 6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid. 7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high. 8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it. 9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late. 10. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness. 11. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. 12. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer. 13. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you. 14. Glibido: All talk and no action. 15. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. 16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web. 17. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and can not be cast out. 18. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Growing Peppers in Containers By Duane De Vries [1 Post, 59 Comments] I'm in West Michigan, zone 5 I think. I have very good success using what is referred to as Self Watering Containers. I use 5 gallon food grade plastic buckets that I get from a pizza shop. If you are not familiar with Self Watering Containers they are a container with a false bottom about 3 inches or so from the real bottom. Cut an opening in this false bottom and fasten a plastic jar that has holes int it. When you fill the container with your potting soil, fill this first, then the rest of the container. This will act as a wick to draw up water. I put a length of tubing (hose or whatever) through the false bottom so it extends out the top for easy access. Drill an overflow hole in the bucket about a half inch or so below the false bottom. Then when adding water through the tube, if you add too much, it will drain out. This method allows the plants to draw water as needed. I have successfully grown regular tomatoes, cherry tomatoes, a variety of peppers (green bell, hot peppers) in these. They are spread about on my deck as my arthritis prevents me from the old style of garden. I'm very pleased with the results.
Lullabye to an elephant
____________________________________________________ John had given Judi one of those new fangled electric coffee makers for an anniversary present. Within a week she was taking it back to the store. The lady at the return counter asked her if it worked. "Oh sure, it makes a great cup of coffee. Just like the booklet said, I plug it in, set the timer, go on to bed, and, when I get up, the coffee's ready!" "So, ma'am, what's wrong with it?" "I don't want to have to go to bed every time I want to make a pot of coffee." ___________________________________________________
Seven materials that may change our lives forever.
One cold and rainy day, a French tourist in Scotland decided to find out if the natives were as tight as he had heard. He stopped at a farm cottage, told the farmer's wife he was freezing to death, and was invited to come in and warm himself at the hearth. Once inside the house, he complained of being thirsty. The woman handed him an enormous white crockery mug filled with milk. After taking a big swig, the guest exclaimed, "This is sweet and fresh ... you are most generous!" She replied modestly, "It's nothing. My family wouldn't drink that milk because we found a dead rat in it." Sick to his stomach, the Frenchman clapped both hands over his mouth, allowing the huge mug to fall to the floor and shatter on the stone floor. The Scotswoman grabbed her broom, raised it high in the air, brought it down on the visitor's head, and hollered, "Get out, you ungrateful pig! I take you in my home, I let you share my fire, I give you milk to drink ... and now you repay my kindness by breaking the children's potty chair!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Dianne, who used to have a trucking company, for this story: Truck driving in 1962 Back about 1962 when I had just started driving tank trucks, me and my instructor each drove separate trucks. One night as we were returning to our delivery area, we were hauling road oil, we stopped for coffee at an old truck stop along old route 66 in south central Illinois. As we drank our coffee outside the restaurant, two guys came along with a large male raccoon. My instructor asked what they were going to with it and they said "we don't know" My buddy asked them:"Do you want to see something funny?" They said sure, so my buddy gets an old gym bag out of his truck, dumps his stuff out of it, borrows a pair of gloves and stuffs that mad raccoon into the bag and zips it shut. The next move was to take the bag set it alongside the main highway and run back to the station parking lot. Just as planned, an old turquoise Plaza Plymouth screeches to a stop, a long arm reaches out and snags the bag. Off they go with a cloud of blue smoke following them. About the time the car gets to sixty, more blue smoke from sliding tires, the doors fly open and everybody bails out and they are looking back. Pretty soon that nasty raccoon comes ambling out of the car, and everybody in the parking lot is on the ground laughing. Well worth the loss of an old gym bag.

Today, on June 9, in
1064 Coimbra, Portugal fell to Ferdinand, the King of Castile.

1534 Jacques Cartier became the first to sail into the river
he named Saint Lawrence. 

1790 John Barry copyrighted "Philadelphia Spelling Book." It
was the first American book to be copyrighted. 

1790 Civil war broke out in Martinique. 

1860 The Ms. Ann Stevens book "Malaeska, the Indian Wife of
the White Hunter" was offered for sale for a dime. It was the
first published "dime novel." 

1923 Bulgaria's government was overthrown by the military. 

1931 Robert H. Goddard patented a rocket-fueled aircraft

1934 Donald Duck made his debut in the Silly Symphonies
cartoon "The Wise Little Hen." 

1940 Norway surrendered to the Nazis during World War II. 

1943 The withholding tax on payrolls was authorized by the
U.S. Congress. 

1945 Japanese Premier Kantaro Suzuki declared that Japan would
fight to the last rather than accept unconditional surrender. 

1959 The first ballistic missile carrying submarine, the USS
George Washington, was launched. 

1978 Leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day
Saints struck down a 148-year-old policy of excluding black
men from the Mormon priesthood. 

1980 Richard Pryor was severely burned by a "free-base"
mixture that exploded. He was hospitalized more than two

1985 Thomas Sutherland, an American educator, was kidnapped in
Lebanon. He was not released until November 1991. 

1986 The Rogers Commission released a report on the Challenger
disaster. The report explained that the spacecraft blew up as
a result of a failure in a solid rocket booster joint. 

2000 Canada and the United States signed a border security
agreement. The agreement called for the establishment of a
border-enforcement team. 

2000 The U.S. House of Representatives voted to repeal gift
and estate taxes. The bill called for the taxes to be phased
out over 10 years. 

2001 Patrick Roy (Colorado Avalanche) became the first
National Hockey League (NHL) player to win three Conn Smythe
Trophies. The award is given to the playoff's Most Valuable

2011 The world's first artificial organ transplant was
performed. It was an artificial windpipe coated with stem

2017  smiled.

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How to change watch batteries 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, June 8

It was time to replace the battery in my watch. That used to
be no problem. I used to just go to Walmart, buy the battery
and flirt the lady into changing it for me.

Well, times have changed. Watch batteries now are $6.27, and
there are signs there that the staff won't change the
batteries for you.

It's actually quite easy if you have good sight or a
magnifying glass or sheet. More in the tech support pits.

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Drug Dealer Brags Over Live Stream About His Cash 
Just As Cops Bust In And Raid His Home.
Today, June 8 in
0452 Italy was invaded by Attila the Hun. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: 'Whose?' --- Don Marquis (1878 - 1937) Ours is the age that is proud of machines that think and suspicious of men who try to. --- H. Mumford Jones (1892 - 1980) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A news story said the police caught a guy trying to cash a phony check and took him down to the station. While the officers were distracted, the crook grabbed the check off the desk and swallowed it. No problem: the police waited five or six hours and then charged the guy with passing a bad check. Twice. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ had lost weight over the past few years, and was heaving items from the wardrobe, that no longer fit, into a box that a boyscout held for a charity drive. "Wow," Text-End said, "I must have worn these when I was 195." The boyscout looked puzzled, then asked, "How old are you now?" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Breon Hollings, 22, Jacksonville, Florida Drug Dealer Brags Over Live Stream About His Cash Just As Cops Bust In And Raid His Home Breon Hollings started a Facebook Live stream to show off all of his drug money. What he didn’t expect was that the police were already outside with a search warrant, and they were coming in (video below.) 22-year-old Breon Hollings can be seen counting money in a Facebook Live video and repeatedly exclaiming, “This [expletive] don’t stop, man,” for about a minute before he hears deputies on a loudspeaker outside his home. As Hollings runs out of the room, deputies can be heard in the background shouting, “This is Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office. We have a search warrant.” This is followed by a series of loud noises, which neighbors told Fox 30 were smoke grenades thrown into the house. Hollings was arrested and charged with possession of a controlled substance, possession of cocaine and possession of paraphernalia for the manufacture or delivery of drugs. Hollings has a long criminal history in Duval County, including previous drug charges, court and Jackson Sheriff’s Office records show. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Me Re: Change watch battery Dear Webby How to change a watch battery For many years I used to go to Walmart, buy a watch battery, and flirt the lady there to install it for me. Now they raised the price of watch batteries and have signs there that they won't install watch batteries. Well, that is a nuissance, but not really a big deal. Here is how you change a watch battery: You need a sharp small screwdriver, the old-fashioned flat balde type, and, depending on your eyesight, a magnifying glass or magnifying sheet. Lay the watch face down on the table or clamp it into a toy or craft vise. Take the screwdriver or a knife and pry up the back. You will be surprised how easily it comes up. Since usually your wrist presses it in, it does not have to be glued or screwed in. Once the back plate is off, you will see the battery. Check with the magnifying glass to read the number and compare with the one you bought. If they are the same, look for the + sign. If you see a + sign, then the new battery has to be in there the same way, with the + sign on top. Now take your little screwdriver or a tooth pick and lift out the old battery. Toss it, so that there is no chance of a mix- up. Now push in the new batter so that the + faces in the same direction. Finally, put the back plate back on, push it in as far as it goes, and check if it is on straight. If it is on straight, put a book on it and whack the book with a fist or elbow. Done. That's all there is to it. Have FUN! DearWebby
The preacher spent his whole sermon relating the evils of sin and how all men are sinners with no exceptions. At the end of the sermon he asked rhetorically, "Now does anyone here think they are without sin?" He had only to wait a few seconds before a man in one of the back pews stood up. The pastor asked the man who had the audacity to stand after such a fiery sermon, "Sir, do you really think you are completely without sin?" The man quickly answered, "No sir, I'm not standing up for myself, but for my wife's first husband."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Marigolds to Control Bugs on Your Tomato Plants By poehere [41 Posts, 50 Comments] The marigold flower is the best way to control bugs on your tomato plants. The roots of the flower control the bugs in the soil and the flower will protect your plants from bug infestation. When you plant your tomato plants in the ground, surround them with marigold flowers. The flowers are easily grown from seeds or you can gather your own seeds from the dried flowers. Once the flowers have died pick them and pull them apart. Inside each flower is a lot of grain. The flowers will self germinate. During heavy winds or rains the dead flowers will lose their seeds. The seeds are spread around the garden and will grow again. Therefore, its only necessary to buy one or two packages of marigold seeds for your garden. You can recover your flower seeds each year and store them in an air tight container in your refrigerator. This preserves the seeds for 8 months to 1 year.
First person video of Joplin Tornado 2011 - Very dark, audio only. The next video is of where they they were actually were during the tornado! Aftermath of where they actually were during the tornado
____________________________________________________ At a Wal-Mart in Grand Rapids, Michigan, a man stole a pair of Backroad Blues brand blue jeans. He took the jeans into the dressing room, took off his old ones, cut the tags off the new ones, and left his old jeans and the tags from the new ones in the dressing room while he walked out of the store. He was arrested the next day. The new jeans were on sale for $9.92. His old jeans had $15 and a printed out letter to him that included his AOL address, in a pocket. ___________________________________________________
A bizarre street in New Zealand.
Margie received a bill from the hospital for her recent surgery, and was astonished to see a $900 fee for the anesthesiologist. She called his office to demand an explanation. "Is this some kind of mistake?" Margie asked when she got the doctor on the phone. "No, not at all," the doctor said calmly. "Well," said Margie, "that's awfully costly for knocking someone out." "Not at all," replied the doctor. "I knock you out for free. The 900 dollars is for bringing you back around."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Roland for this one: I ain't much for shopping, Or for goin' into town Except at cattle-shipping time, I ain't too easily found. But the day came when I had to go - I left the kids with Ma. But 'fore I left, she asked me, "Would you pick me up a bra?" So without thinkin' I said, "Sure," How tough could that job be? An' I bent down and kissed her An' said, "I'll be back by three." Well, I done the things I needed, But I started to regret Ever offering to buy that thing - I worked me up a sweat I walked into the ladies shop My hat pulled over my eyes, I didn't want to take a chance On bein' recognized. I walked up to the sales clerk - I didn't hem or haw - I told that lady right straight out, "I'm here to buy a bra." >From behind I heard some snickers, So I turned around to see Every woman in that store Was a'gawkin' right at me! "What kind would you be looking for?" Well, I just scratched my head. I'd only seen one kind before, "Thought bras was bras," I said. She gave me a disgusted look, "Well sir, that's where you're wrong. Follow me," I heard her say, Like a dog, I tagged along. She took me down this alley Where bras was on display. I thought my jaw would hit the floor When I saw that lingerie. They had all these different styles That I'd never seen before I thought I'd go plumb crazy 'fore I left that women's store. They had bras you wear for eighteen hours And bras that cross your heart. There was bras that lift and separate, And that was just the start. They had bras that made you feel Like you ain't wearing one at all, And bras that you can train in When you start off when you're small. Well, I finally made my mind up - Picked a black and lacy one - I told the lady, "Bag it up," And figured I was done. But then she asked me for the size I didn't hesitate I knew that measurement by heart, "A six-and-seven-eighths." "Six and seven eighths you say? That really isn't right." "Oh, yes ma'am! I'm real positive - I measured them last night!" I thought that she'd go into shock, Musta took her by surprise When I told her that my wife's bust Was the same as my hat size. "That's what I used to measure with, I figured it was fair, But if I'm wrong, I'm sorry ma'am." This drew another stare. By now a crowd had gathered And they all was crackin' up When the lady asked to see my hat, To measure for the cup. When she finally had it figured, I gave the gal her pay. Then I turned to leave the store, Tipped my hat and said, "Good day." My wife had heard the story 'fore I ever made it home. She'd talked to fifteen women Who called her on the phone. She was still a-laughin' But by then I didn't care. Now she don't ask and I don't shop For women's underwear.

Today, on June 8, in
0452 Italy was invaded by Attila the Hun. 

0793 The Vikings raided the Northumbrian coast of England. 

1786 In New York City, commercially manufactured ice cream was
advertised for the first time. 

1790 The first loan for the U.S. was repaid. The Temporary
Loan of 1789 was negotiated and secured on September 18, 1789
by Alexander Hamilton. 

1866 Prussia annexed the region of Holstein. 

1869 Ives W. McGaffey received a U.S. patent for the suction
vacuum cleaner. 

1872 The penny postcard was authorized by the U.S. Congress. 

1904 U.S. Marines landed in Tangiers, Morocco, to protect U.S.

1915 U.S. Secretary of State William Jennings Bryan resigned
in a disagreement over U.S. handling of the sinking of the

1934 The Cincinnati Reds became the first Major League team to
use an airplane to travel from one city to another. They flew
from Cincinnati to Chicago. 

1953 The U.S. Supreme Court outlawed segregated restaurants in
Washington, DC. 

1965 U.S. troops in South Vietnam were given orders to begin
fighting offensively. 

1967 Israeli airplanes attacked the USS Liberty in the
Mediterranean during the 6-Day War between Israel and its Arab
neighbors. 34 U.S. Navy crewmen were killed. Israel later
called the incident a tragic mistake due to the mis-
identification of the ship. The U.S. has never publicly
investigated the incident. 

1969 U.S. President Richard Nixon met with President Thieu of
South Vietnam to tell him 25,000 U.S. troops would pull out by

1978 A jury in Clark County, Nevada, ruled that the "Mormon
will," was a forgery. The work was supposedly written by
Howard Hughes. 

1982 U.S. President Reagan became the first American chief
executive to address a joint session of the British

1987 Fawn Hill began testifying in the Iran-Contra hearings.
She said that she had helped to shred some documents. 

1991 A victory parade was held in Washington, DC, to honor
veterans of the Persian Gulf War. 

1994 The warring factions in Bosnia agreed to a one-month

1995 U.S. Air Force pilot Captain Scott O'Grady was rescued by
U.S. Marines after surviving alone in Bosnia after his F-16
fighter was shot down on June 2. 

1996 China set off an underground nuclear test blast. 

1998 In the U.S., the FTC brought an antitrust complaint
against Intel Corp., alleging its policies punished other
developers of microprocessor chips. 

1998 Honda agreed to pay $17.1 million for disconnecting anti-
pollution devices in 1.6 million cars. 

1998 The space shuttle Discovery pulled away from Mir, ending
America's three-year partnership with Russia. 

2000 The Dallas Stars and the New Jersey Devils played the
NHL's longest scoreless game in Stanley Cup finals history.
The fifth game of the series lasted 106 minutes and 21
seconds. The game ended with a goal by Mike Madano that
allowed the Stars to play a game six back in Dallas. 

2001 Marc Chagall's painting "Study for 'Over Vitebsk" was
stolen from the Jewish Museum in New York City. The 8x10
painting was valued at about $1 million. A group called the
International Committee for Art and Peace later announced that
they would return the painting after the Israelis and
Palestinians made peace. 

2004 Nate Olive and Sarah Jones began the first known
continuous hike of the 1,800-mile trail down the U.S. Pacific
Coast. They completed the trek at the U.S.-Mexico border on
September 28.

2017  smiled.

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Which ISP for DSL? 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, June 7

A telemarketer gave me a good laugh today.
I was a bit distracted because I was reading an email at the
time, so instead of putting her on (permanent) hold, I said:
"I don't have a phone, send me an email." 
She apologized as I was hanging up.

If she did send an email, Mailwasher washed it.

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Body of Illinois man, who failed to pay tab and 
jumped in Fox River, has been recovered
Today, June 7 in
1494 Spain and Portugal divided the new lands they 
had discovered between themselves.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Nothing can be so amusingly arrogant as a young man who has just discovered an old idea and thinks it is his own. --- Sidney J. Harris Why is it that our memory is good enough to retain the least triviality that happens to us, and yet not good enough to recollect how often we have told it to the same person? --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Bill: I was taking a ground school class for private pilots. During the session on weather, the instructor wanted to discuss the concept of sublimation, the act of going from a gas to a solid, skipping the intermediate liquid stage. He gave as an example water vapor in the air icing on a windshield overnight to form ice. Wanting to see if the class had understood the concept, the instructor asked if anyone could provide an example of something that went straight from a solid to a gas. He was expecting "dry ice'' as the answer. One of the students blurted out, "Burritos." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ When I was discussing fund drives of universities with a few friends, one told this story: "I graduated from a private school that I didn't like much. Once I was outta there, I had no particular desire to ever contribute to their latest fund drive or future athletic events. "Sure enough, a few years ago Alumni Affairs staff called my folks, got my current number and tracked me down. 'So, what have you been doing with yourself?' some perky alumnus asked. "I responded, 'Oh, not a lot. Just stealing cars, running moonshine and selling a bit of dope on the side.' "They've never called back." ______________________________________________________ South Haven, MI, onLake MI _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Ernest Prentic, 29, Carpentersville, Illinois Body of Illinois man, who failed to pay tab and jumped in Fox River, has been recovered A man who jumped into the Fox River after allegedly skipping out on a restaurant tab in a northwest Illinois suburb has been found dead. Algonquin police said in a statement that the body of 29-year- old Ernest Prentic of Carpentersville was discovered in the river around 6:30 p.m. Friday. Police were called about 9:20 p.m. Thursday to Nero’s Restaurant in Algonquin after reports that a man later identified as Prentic had run out without paying his tab. A fisherman saw him leap into the river. Dive teams searched the area until midnight and resumed their search Friday morning. Prentic’s body has been turned over to the Kane County coroner’s office. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Priss Re: Which ISP for DSL Dear Webby About the harping on ISP's---I have always been an earthlink customer and have been very satisfied but I am thinking of getting DSL---with Southwestern Bell--- What is your opinion on this? Thanks Priss Dear Priss Southwestern's DSL seems to be OK, like most companies' DSL. Check out what Earthlink can offer you in your area. Quite often they act as a re-seller or work through local DSL and are actually cheaper. That way you could stay with them and would not have to change any addresses. Have FUN! DearWebby
A lady lost her handbag at the mall. found it and returned it to her. Looking in her purse, she said, "Hmm, that's funny. When I lost my bag, there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills." replied, "That IS funny. The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Recipe: Ham Stir Fried Rice A voice on the bank loudspeaker announced: "We will be testing the speaker system to make sure it will work pro- perly in case of emergency." My confidence in this safety precaution faded when the voice added: "If you are unable to hear this announcement, please contact the main office."
talking baby
____________________________________________________ Thanks to David for this one: (He's not worried that his mother will read his submission. She's not on the net, because she is afraid she might miss a call from him) Phone rings. JEWISH MOTHER picks up the phone and answers) Jewish Mother Hello? Daughter Hi Mom. Can I leave the kids with you tonight? Jewish Mother You're going out? Daughter Yes. Jewish Mother With whom? Daughter With a friend. Jewish Mother I don't know why you left your husband. He is such a good man. Daughter I didn't leave him. He left me! Jewish Mother You let him leave you, and now you go out with anybodies and nobodies. Daughter I do not go out with anybody. Can I bring over the kids? Jewish Mother I never left you to go out with anybody except your father. Daughter There are lots of things that you did and I don't. Jewish Mother What are you hinting at? Daughter Nothing. I just want to know if I can bring the kids over tonight. Jewish Mother You're going to stay the night with him? What will your husband say if he finds out? Daughter My EX husband. I don't think he would be bothered. From the day he left me, he probably never slept alone! Jewish Mother So you're going to sleep over at this loser's place? Daughter He's not a loser. Jewish Mother A man who goes out with a divorced woman with children is a loser and a parasite. Daughter I don't want to argue. Should I bring over the kids or not? Jewish Mother Poor children with such a mother. Daughter Such a what? Jewish Mother With no stability. No wonder your husband left you. Daughter ENOUGH !!! Jewish Mother Don't scream at me. You probably scream at this loser too! Daughter Now you're worried about the loser? Jewish Mother Ah, so you see he's a loser. I spotted him immediately. Daughter Goodbye, mother. Jewish Mother Wait! Don't hang up! When are you bringing them over? Daughter I'm not bringing them over! I'm not going out! Jewish Mother If you never go out, how do you expect to meet anyone? Daughter I am going to become a Catholic and look for a Catholic man with a Catholic mother! ___________________________________________________
Mesmerizing weather photography and the music goes so perfect with the storms.
>Thanks to Martin for a little ecumenical information - Four Religious Truths 1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's chosen people. 2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah. 3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian World. 4. Baptists do not recognize each other at Hooters.
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. The doctor gave him a thorough examination, found absolutely nothing physically wrong with him, and then told him, "Listen, if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you just have to stop taking your troubles to bed with you." "I know," said the man, "but I can't. She will divorce me if I don't.

Today, on June 7, in
1494 Spain and Portugal divided the new lands they had
discovered between themselves. 

1498 Christopher Columbus left on his third voyage of

1546 Peace of Ardes ended the war between France and England. 

1654 Louis XIV was crowned king of France. 

1712 The Pennsylvania Assembly banned the importation of

1775 The United Colonies changed their name to the United

1776 Richard Henry Lee of Virginia proposed to the Continental
Congress a resolution calling for a Declaration of

1863 Mexico City was captured by French troops. 

1892 J.F. Palmer patented the cord bicycle tire. 

1900 Boxer rebels cut the rail links between Peking and
Tientsin in China. 

1903 Professor Pierre Curie revealed the discovery of

1929 The sovereign state of Vatican City came into existence
as copies of the Lateran Treaty were exchanged in Rome. 

1932 Over 7,000 war veterans marched on Washington, DC,
demanding their bonuses. 

1935 Pierre Laval received emergency powers to save the franc.

1937 The cover of "LIFE" magazine showed the latest in campus
fashions of the times, which included saddle shoes. 

1939 King George VI and his wife, Queen Elizabeth, arrived in
the U.S. It was the first visit to the U.S. by a reigning
British monarch. 

1942 The Battle of Midway ended. The sea and air battle lasted
4 days. Japan lost four carriers, a cruiser, and 292 aircraft,
and suffered 2,500 casualties. The U.S. lost the Yorktown, the
destroyer USS Hammann, 145 aircraft, and suffered 307

1942 Japan landed troops on the islands of Attu and Kiska in
the Aleutians. The U.S. invaded and recaptured the Alutians
one year later. 

1944 Off of the coast of Normandy, France, the Susan B.
Anthony sank. All 2,689 people aboard survived. 

1948 The Communists completed their takeover of

1955 "The $64,000 Question" premiered. 

1966 Sony Corporation unveiled its brand new consumer home
videotape recorder. The black and white only unit sold for

1965 In the U.S., the Gemini 4 mission was completed. The
mission featured the first spacewalk by an American. 

1968 In Operation Swift Saber, U.S. Marines swept an area 10
miles northwest of Danang in South Vietnam. 

1968 Legoland Billund opend in Billund, Denmark. It was the
original Legoland park. 

1981 Israeli F-16 fighter-bombers destroyed Iraq’s only
nuclear reactor. 

1983 The U.S. ordered Nicaragua to close all six of its
consulates and informed 21 Nicaraguan consular officials that
they could not longer remain in the U.S. 

1994 The United States District Court for the Eastern District
of Virginia declared the RMS Titanic, Inc. (RMST) salvor-in-
possession of the wreck and the wreck site of the RMS Titanic.

2000 U.S. Federal Judge Thomas Penfield Jackson ordered the
breakup of Microsoft Corporation. They appealed.

2017  smiled.

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Live date on a web page 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, June 6

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida teacher got caught having sex with
student in the back seat of her car.
Today, June 6 in
1944 The D-Day invasion of Europe took place on the beaches of
Normandy, France. 400,000 Allied Canadian, American, and
British troops were involved. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk. --- Thomas A. Edison (1847 - 1931) Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it. --- Jane Wagner With ogling, the fine line between a complimenting, appreciative glance and an obnoxious stare is not measured in seconds, but depends on the mood of the ogled person. --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Although we were being married in New Hampshire, I wanted to add a touch of my home state, Kansas, to the wedding. My fiancee, explaining this to a friend, said that we were planning to have wheat rather than rice thrown after the ceremony. Our friend thought for a moment. Then he said solemnly, "It's a good thing she's not from Idaho." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Another reader wrote to talk about her trip to the dentist. She had her youngest daughter, 3 year old Paige, sitting in the waiting room with her while Paige's older sister was in with the dentist. Paige was keeping herself busy playing with the toys in the waiting room until she noticed her mom was resting -- her eyes closed. With about six other patients waiting, Paige marched right up to her mother, looked her straight in the face, and shook her shoulder. "Mommy! Wake up! This is not CHURCH!" ______________________________________________________ Amazing what some people will do to be able to find their car in the mall parking lot ! _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Saul Nunez, 19, Bronx, NY 19-Year-Old Arrested In Unprovoked Beating Of 90-Year-Old Man The suspect in Friday's brutal cane attack on a 90-year-old man in Inwood was arrested last night, the NYPD announced. According to police, 19-year-old Saul Nunez of the Bronx was taken into custody last night and charged with two counts of assault and one count of criminal possession of a weapon by a felon for allegedly striking a 90-year-old man in the head with a cane on Friday night. The 90-year-old man, identified as Juan Llorens, is a bottle collector known around the block where the attack happened according to CBS. Llorens told a reporter with the channel that the attack left him deaf in one ear, and that he had no idea who Nunez was before Nunez assaulted him. "Everyone knows him as like the grandfather," a witness told CBS. "If something happens, I’m not going to let this guy get attacked." The Post had further background on Llorens, who was a former history teacher in Cuba before emigrating to the United States, where he worked as a butcher in Harlem. Llorens also told the paper about the attack, telling a reporter “They hit me with a big bat. I don’t know who it was. He was young and skinny. He just kept beating me...I don’t understand how someone can just attack someone like that. This is someone who is very dangerous." ABC7 had a pair of surveillance videos of the attack, one that showed a different angle of the assault and its aftermath as witnesses aided the victim and another that showed a bystander chase the suspect while another person on the sidewalk took a wild swing at the fleeing perp. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Sunny Re: Date for web page Dear Webby How do I put a live date onto my web page? I don't want to use one of those silly clocks, just a simple display that shows date and time. Anything I can find on Google was written by guys, who have too much time on their hands and are too confusing for me, and most of them don't even work! You probably have a simpler and better answer. Thanks Sunny Dear Sunny Paste this where you want the date to show <.script type="text/JavaScript"> document.write(Date()+".") <./script> That produces: You will have to delete the period after the < I only put that there so that the code shows OK in your email. If you want a very brief date like this to use in text, use this: <.script> var d = new Date(); document.getElementById("demo2").innerHTML = d.toDateString(); <./script>

Have FUN! DearWebby
Late one Friday night after a big soccer game the policemen spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening. "Aye, so I have. The team won, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. And then there was something called "Happy Hour" and they served these margaritas, which are quite good. I had four or five o' those. Then I had to drive me friend Mike home and O' course I had to go in for a couple of Guinness - couldn't be rude, ye know. Then I stopped on the way home to get another bottle for later.." The man fumbled around in his coat until he located his bottle of whiskey, which he proudly held up for inspection. The officer sighed, and said, "Sir, I'm afraid I'll need you to step out of the car and take a Breathalyzer test." The man said, "Why? Don't ye believe me?!?" The cop replied: "I do believe ya, Paddy. But after ya fall flat on yer drunken mug, it's a lot easier to put the handcuffs on ya."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Recipe: Ham Stir Fried Rice By R Barbara [159 Posts, 80 Comments] Total Time: 1 hour Yield: approximately 8 cups Ingredients: 1 cup chopped ham 1 medium onion, chopped 1 cup sliced carrots 1 cup frozen peas 1 cup frozen green beans, cut into 1-2 inches pieces 10 mushrooms, sliced 3 eggs, scrambled 4 cups cooked rice, I used brown Basmati 2-3 Tbsp oil, I used sesame soy sauce Steps: Chop ham and onions. Slice carrots. Add 1+ tablespoons of oil to skillet and fry the meat and veggies until they are tender, crisp. Remove and set aside. Add rice to skillet and fry, add additional oil as needed. Scramble eggs and pour into skillet, cook and mix throughout rice. Add ham, carrots, and onions back to skillet. Add peas, beans, and mushrooms. Mix well. Add soy sauce to taste. Continue stirring until the veggies are hot and tender crisp. Serve.
military planes in action
____________________________________________________ A young couple met with their pastor to set a date for their wedding. When he asked whether they preferred a contemporary or a traditional service, they opted for the contemporary. On the big day, a major storm forced the groom to take an alternate route to the church. The streets were flooded, so he rolled up his pants legs to keep his trousers dry. When he finally reached the church, his best man rushed him into the sanctuary and up to the altar, just as the ceremony was starting. "Pull down your pants," whispered the pastor. "Uh, Reverend, I've changed my mind," the groom responded. "I think I would prefer the traditional service." ___________________________________________________
People are awesome for the month of May 2017.
Howard County Police officers still write their reports by hand, and the data is entered later by a computer tech into their database. One theft report stated that a farmer had lost 2,025 pigs. Thinking that to be an error, the tech called the farmer directly. "Is it true Mr. (Smith) that you lost 2,025 pigs?" she asked. "Yeth." lisped the farmer. Being a Howard County girl herself, the tech entered: "Subject lost 2 sows and 25 pigs."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Patient: Doctor, what I need is something to stir me up; something to put me in a fighting mood. Did you put something like that in this prescription? Doctor: No need for that. You will find that in your bill.

Today, on June 6, in
1674 Sivaji crowned himself King of India. 

1813 The U.S. invasion of Canada was halted at Stony Creek,

1882 The electric iron was patented by H.W. Seely. 

1924 The German Reichtag accepted the Dawes Plan. It was an
American plan to help Germany pay off its war debts, pay the
Allies for what they had spent on going to Europe and
defeating the Germans.

1925 Chrysler Corporation was founded by Walter Percy

1932 In the U.S., the first federal tax on gasoline went into
effect. It was a penny per gallon. 

1933 In Camden, NJ, the first drive-in movie theater opened. 

1936 The first helicopter was tested in a building in Berlin,

1941 The U.S. government authorized the seizure of foreign
ships in U.S. ports. 

1942 The first nylon parachute jump was made by Adeline Gray
in Hartford, CT. 

1942 Japanese forces retreated in the World War II Battle of
Midway. The battle had begun on June 4. 

1944 The D-Day invasion of Europe took place on the beaches of
Normandy, France. 400,000 Allied Canadian, American, and
British troops were involved. 

1982 Israel invaded southern Lebanon in an effort to drive PLO
guerrillas out of Beirut. 

1985 The body of Nazi war criminal Dr. Josef Mengele was
located and exhumed near Sao Paolo, Brazil. Mengele was known
as the "Angel of Death." 

1985 The U.S. Senate authorized nonmilitary aid to the
Contras. The vote authorized $38 million over two years. 

1993 Mongolia held its first direct presidential elections. 

2005 The United States Supreme Court ruled that federal
authorities could prosecute sick people who smoke marijuana on
doctor's orders. The ruling concluded that state medical
marijuana laws did not protect uses from the federal ban on
the drug.

2017  smiled.

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Why PDF? 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, June 5

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida teacher got caught having sex with
student in the back seat of her car.
Today, June 5 in
1752 Benjamin Franklin flew a kite for the first time to
demonstrate that lightning was a form of electricity. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ It is not enough to aim; you must hit. --- Italian Proverb When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. --- Hunter S. Thompson (1939 - 2005) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Donny, the cleanest version of this ancient joke: Ole is a farmer in Minnesota. He needs a new milk cow, and hears about one for sale over in Nordakota. (That would be North Dakota for you non-Scandahoovians out der.) He drives to Nordakota, finds the farm and looks at the cow. He reaches under to see if she gives milk. When he grabs the tit and pulls, the cow farts. Ole is surprised. He looks at the farmer selling the cow, then reaches under the cow to try again. He grabs another tit, pulls, and the cow farts again. Milk does come out however, so after some discussion, Ole buys the cow and takes her home. He gets back to Minnesota, and calls over his neighbor Jimmy Mooney, and says, "Jimmy, come look at dis ere new cow I yust bought. Pull her tit, and see vat happens." So Jimmy reaches under, pulls the tit - and the cow farts. Jimmy looks at Ole and sez, "You bought dis here cow in Nordakota, din'tyah?" Ole is surprised since he hadn't told Jimmy about his trip. Ole replies, "Yah, dats right. But how'd yah now?" Jimmy says, "My wife is from Nordakota." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ My husband went on a sudden business trip, and I accompanied him. It soon became apparent that he could not wrap things up in one day, so his employer put us up for the night in a luxury hotel. We found a convenience store and purchased toothbrushes, a razor and other necessary items. Finally we entered the lobby of the hotel, each of us toting a brown paper bag filled with supplies. The hotel manager looked us over. Raising an eyebrow, he intoned haughtily, "Matching luggage?" ______________________________________________________ >from Fausto Casaccia from "We Love Lighthouses" Brittany la vieille - raz de sein - finistère _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Police Cought Florida Drama Teacher Having Sex With Student in Back of Car Pamela Stigger, 33, Tamarac, Florida A drama teacher in Tamarac, Florida was caught by the police having sex with her 15-year-old student in the back of a car, according to the Miami Herald after local residents complained about an illegally parked car obstructing traffic and nobody in the front seats. Pamela Stigger, 33, claimed she was only trying to mentor him, after police found her at 2 a.m. Thursday, moments after she had engaged in sexual acts with a 15-year-old boy in the back of a car. 2 am mentoring in the back seat? The arrest report said the Sheriff's office found the teenager nude from the waist down and that he told the deputies he had sex with Stigger. According to a Sheriff's office spokesperson: When [Stigger] was questioned about what they were doing and if they had, in fact, engaged in sexual acts, she denied being engaged in these sexual acts, despite the fact that the young man was undressed. Considering that they were in the BACKseat with pants down, that did not fly. She also tried to claim the student tried to seduce her first, before changing her story to flat out denial. Stigger is facing two charges of sexual battery and one count of lewd conduct with a minor. She was the student's drama teacher at Forest Glen Middle School last year and holds a custodial relationship over him. Stigger who has worked for the school since 2008, has been put on administratively reassigned duties away from the school, and will not be permitted access to students. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Sandra Re: Why PDF? Dear Webby Why are people using PDF for e-books? It makes it impossible to copy just a few paragraphs or chapters. How do you get around that? Sandra Dear Sandra The main reason why authors use PDF is to protect their hard work from copy-cats like you, who want to steal their work and claim it as their own. The second reason is that PDF makes a book look and print the same no matter what kind of computer the reader uses. The third reason is that it puts everything, text and pictures into a nice, neat package without the need for lots of lose files. If you just want to copy a paragraph to paste up on your fridge, use a graphics program and do a screen capture, size and crop it the way you want it, and then print it. You can import PDF into Office Libre and some other programs. Have FUN! DearWebby
An older couple had a son, who was still living with his parents. The parents were a little worried, as the son was still unable to decide about his future career, so they decided to do a small test. They took a ten-dollar bill, a Bible, and a bottle of whiskey, and put them on the front hall table... then they hid, pretending they were not at home. The father's plan was: "If our son takes the money, he will be a businessman, if he takes the bible, he will be a priest - but if he takes the bottle of whiskey, I'm afraid our son will be a drunkard." So the parents hid in the nearby closet and waited nervously. Peeping through the keyhole they saw their son arrive. The son saw the note they had left. Then, he took the 10-dollar bill, looked at it against the light, and slid it in his pocket. After that, he took the Bible, flicked through it, and took it. Finally he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took an appreciative whiff to be assured of the quality ... then he left for his room, carrying all three items. The father slapped his forehead, and said: "Darn, it's even worse than I could ever have imagined... " "What's this mean!?" his wife asked quizzically. "I'm afraid our son's going to be a politician!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Growing Chamomile By EllenB [810 Posts, 1 Comment] Description: Chamomile has dainty, daisy-like white flowers with yellow centers set on top of thin stems of feathery green leaves. It comes in creeping or trailing varieties, and seldom grows to more than 12 inches high. Flowers of the creeping varieties contain properties sought after in the herb garden and give off a lovely, apple-like scent. Life Cycle: hardy perennial Exposure: full sun or partial shade Cultivation: Chamomile isn't fussy about the soil it grows in and adapts well to poor conditions. Sow seeds in a sunny location in the spring and once established, plants will readily reseed and spread themselves all over your garden. The plants look straggly when planted on their own and look better in large groups or "drifts". Propagation: division or seeds Parts Used: flowers Harvesting and Storage: Use a scissors to clip flowers from stems just as they fully open. Spread them out on racks or in shallow pans to dry, and store in an airtight container away from direct sunlight. Medicinal Uses: insomnia, digestive relief, and mouthwash Culinary Uses: teas, German Chamomile can be added to sour cream to top potatoes Other Uses: hair care, skin care, wreaths, dried flowers, potpourri, and perennial gardens
Camomile is a very hardy weed and will grow nicely in the center of rural roads even in the Yukon. Once it is firmly established your "Tea Farm" will spread on it's own. Nothing to worry about with lawn. It does not like getting mowed. You can harvest it all you want, just don't ever mow it. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________
Tire Jump
____________________________________________________ Clerk in flower shop: "Sorry, we don't have potted geraniums. Could you use African violets?" Customer (sadly): "No, it was geraniums my wife told me to water while she was gone." ___________________________________________________
People are awesome for the month of May 2017.
A tourist walks into a curio shop in San Francisco. Looking around at the exotica, he notices a very lifelike, life-sized bronze statue of a rat. It has no price tag, but is so striking he decides he must have it. He took it to the owner: "How much for the bronze rat?" "Twelve dollars for the rat, one hundred dollars for the story," said the owner. The tourist gave the man twelve dollars. "I'll just take the rat, you can keep the story." As he walked down the street carrying his bronze rat, he noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the alleys and sewers and began following him down the street. This was disconcerting; he began walking faster. But within a couple blocks, the herd of rats behind him had grown to hundreds, and they began squealing. He began to trot toward the Bay, looking around to see that the rats now numbered in the MILLIONS, and were squealing and coming toward him faster and faster. Concerned, even scared, he ran to the edge of the Bay and threw the bronze rat as far out into the Bay as he could. Amazingly, the millions of rats all jumped into the Bay after it, and were all drowned. The man walked back to the curio shop. "Ah ha," said the owner, "You have come back for the story?" "No," said the man, "I came back to see if you have a bronze politician?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

"Young man," the mother sternly addressed her son, "there were three cookies in the pantry this morning. May I ask how it happens that there is only one now?" "It was dark so I didn't notice the last one."

Today, on June 5, in
1595 Henry IV's army defeated the Spanish at the Battle of

1752 Benjamin Franklin flew a kite for the first time to
demonstrate that lightning was a form of electricity. 

1794 The U.S. Congress prohibited citizens from serving in any
foreign armed forces. 

1827 Athens fell to the Ottomans. 

1851 Harriet Beecher Stow published the first installment of
"Uncle Tom's Cabin" in "The National Era." 

1865 The first safe deposit vault was opened in New York. The
charge was $1.50 a year for every $1,000 that was stored. 

1917 American men began volunteering for the World War I

1924 Ernst F. W. Alexanderson transmitted the first facsimile
message across the Atlantic Ocean. 

1933 President Roosevelt signed the bill that took the U.S.
off of the gold standard. 

1940 During World War II, the Battle of France began when
Germany began an offensive in Southern France. 

1942 In France, Pierre Laval congratulated French volunteers
that were fighting in the U.S.S.R. with Germans. 

1944 The first B-29 bombing raid hit the Japanese rail line in
Bangkok, Thailand. 

1946 The first medical sponges were offered for sale in
Detroit, MI. 

1947 U.S. Secretary of State George C. Marshall gave a speech
at Harvard University in which he outlined the Marshall Plan. 

1956 Premier Nikita Khrushchev denounced Josef Stalin to the
Soviet Communist Party Congress. 

1967 The National Hockey League (NHL) awarded three new
franchises. The Minnesota North Stars (later the Dallas
Stars), the California Golden Seals (no longer in existence)
and the Los Angeles Kings. 

1967 The Six Day War between Israel and Egypt, Syria and
Jordan began when they attacked israel.

1975 Egypt reopened the Suez Canal to international shipping,
eight years after it was closed because of the 1967 war with

1981 In the U.S., the Center for Disease Control and
Prevention reported that five men in Los Angeles were
suffering from a rare pneumonia found in patients with
weakened immune systems. They were the first recognized cases
of what later became known as AIDS. 

1986 A federal jury in Baltimore convicted Ronald W. Pelton of
selling secrets to the Soviet Union. Pelton was sentenced to
three life prison terms plus 10 years. 

1998 A strike began at a General Motors Corp. parts factory
near Detroit, MI, that closed five assembly plants and idled
workers across the U.S. for seven weeks. 

1998 Volkswagen AG won approval to buy Rolls-Royce Motor Cars
for $700 million, outbidding BMW's $554 million offer. 

2001 announced that it would begin selling personal
computers later in the year. 

2004 The U.S.S. Jimmy Carter was christened in the U.S. Navy
in Groton, CT.

2017  smiled.

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Why are the Blacklists listing you? 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, June 4

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Harlem man shot and killed Pensylvania man at
kindergarten graduation party
Today, June 4 in
1783 A hot-air balloon was demonstrated by Joseph and 
Jacques Montgolfier. It reached a height of 1,500 feet. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ All power corrupts, but we need the electricity. --- Socratex A good friend can tell you what is the matter with you in a minute. He may not seem such a good friend after telling. --- Arthur Brisbane ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Brianna My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ >From Betty This was written by a black guy in funny..... what a great sense of humor and creativity!!! When I born, I black, when I grow up, I black, when I go in sun, I black, when I cold, I black, when I scared, I black, when I sick, I black, and when I die, I still black. You white folks....when you born, you pink, when you grow up, you white, when you go in sun, you red, when you cold, you blue, when you scared, you yellow, when you sick, you green, when you bruised, you purple, and when you die, you gray. So who you are callin' colored folk's ??? ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Tremaine Jamison, 27, Harlem, New York Harlem man shot and killed Pensylvania man at kindergarten graduation party Police say a New York City man fatally shot a Pennsylvania man who was hosting a kindergarten graduation party for his son and several other children. Witnesses tell state police that a fight or rough play between the victim's 6-year-old son and another 6-year-old led to an argument between adults that ended when 27-year-old Tremaine Jamison shot 29-year-old Devon Brown in the head. The party and shooting happened Wednesday evening at the Marion Terrace Apartments in Hanover Township, Luzerne County. That's near Wilkes-Barre, about 20 miles (32.2 kilometers) southwest of Scranton. Online court records show troopers have charged Jamison with criminal homicide and possessing a prohibited weapon by a felon. Police say Jamison lives in the Harlem section of New York City and police were continuing to search for him Friday. Jamison has previously been arrested for narcotics possession in New York City. He also served time for robbery. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Enjo Re: Why are the blacklists listing me? Dear Webby I dont spam, but I have a formal newsletter that, just like yours, jumps through all the hoops, but now I am blocked by Yahoo and all their fake fronts like SBCglobal,, etc. Why is that? Enjo Dear Enjo Most likely that is due to bouncing, and not your newsletter. When somebody sends spam to you with a fake name before the @, then traditionally that is bounced back to the sender. Nowadays that is used to load down a server and break down the defenses. A hacker generates countless spams that have for example your name mis-spelled in the TO line, and a business or government address forged in as the sender. So your server bounces those phony mails to that business or Government server. When the hackers use a whole network of infected home computers to send a Million phony mails like that, the bounces overwhelm the victims server. The formal name for that is "Backscatter". If your server bounces mails like that, it gets put into some blacklists. `Not all, but some of the blacklists demand $100 or more to take you off their blacklist. Quite a racket! The trick is to NOT get onto those blacklists in the first place. Set your server to never send bounces. Also, turn off all autoresponders. Some of the Blacklists send out entrapment mails. If that entrapment mail bounces back to their trap, your server is blacklisted and Yahoo blocks mail from your server. So, stop all traditional bouncing from your server. It`s just another hoop you have to jump through nowadays. Have FUN! DearWebby
Thanks to Dianne for this classic: Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her extra-curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence. She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, the plumber, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told George and several others that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing. George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing. Later that evening, George and his crew of plumbers apprentices quietly parked their pickup trucks in front of Mildred's house............. and left them there all night.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Microwave Corn on the Cob By Jackie H. [230 Posts, 109 Comments] You will never boil corn on the cob again. This is easy, and the tastiest, sweetest corn ever. You are not boiling all the flavor out of corn. You can cook 1 or up to 4 at a time. The time may vary with how many you are cooking. 4 minutes in the Microwave, turning over at 2:00 minutes. Add 1 minute for add'l ears of corn. Follow examples in pictures. Being cautious of hot corn when it comes out of the Microwave. Using Mitts or pot holders is wise. Total Time: 4:00 minutes for 1 ear of corn, add'l 1 per ear. Yield: As many as you wish to cook. Source: Online for Microwave cooking! Steps: Start by removing old dark husks that are loose only. With a large sharp knife, cut of stump and about 1/4 inch into the corn. Cut away the loose silk and dead husks at the top. Rinse well in cold water. Put Corn wrapped in wet paper towel in Microwave Cook on high for 4:00 minutes, turning over after 2:00 minutes. Carefully removing from Microwave with Mitts or pot holders. With a Paper towel, just squeeze the thin end of the corn and your corn should come sliding out with no husks or silk. Keep squeezing until corn falls out neat & clean Ready to eat, Hot, sweet and delicious.
And then there is the bachelor way: Rinse the cobs Toss the cobs into the microwave Nuke them for 4 minutes Cut off the fat end at the largest point Grab the hairy end with an oven mitt and squeeze. IF you cut the fat end at the largest point, the corn will slide out without any silk. Until you get the hang of cutting at the largest point, you may have to re-cut a bit. Most corn is very fussy about that. If you cut it right, it slides out with minimal effort. Butter it a bit, sprinkle salt and pepper on it, and enjoy! Have FUN! DearWebby
Holy Mother Hear My Prayer - Clapton & Pavarotti
____________________________________________________ Two college seniors with an exam the next day had decided to party the night away instead of study. So, when they went to the test the next morning, they explained to the professor that their car had a flat tire the night before and they needed a bit more time to study. The professor gave them another day, so that evening the boys crammed all night until they were sure that they knew just about everything. Arriving to class the following morning, each boy was told to go into separate classrooms to take the exam. They shrugged and went into their respective rooms. As each sat down, they read the first question: "For 5 points, explain the contents of an atom." At this point, they both thought the exam was going to be a piece of cake and answered the question with ease. Then, the test continued: "For 95 points, tell me which tire it was." ___________________________________________________
I'll bet this smells divine.
Thanks to Kati for this story: Have you ever told a white lie? Alice was to bake a cake for the ladies' bridge group bake sale, but she forgot to do it until the last minute. She baked an angel food cake and when she took it from the oven, the center had dropped flat. She said, "Oh dear, there's no time to bake another cake." So, she looked around the house for something to build up the center of the cake. Alice found it in the bathroom ... a roll of toilet paper. She plunked it in and covered it with icing. The finished product looked beautiful, so she rushed it to the sale. Before she left the house, Alice had given her daughter some money and specific instructions to be at the bake sale the minute it opened, and to buy that cake and bring it home. When the daughter arrived at the sale, the attractive cake had already been sold. Alice was beside herself. The next day, Alice was invited to a friend's home where two tables of bridge were to be played that afternoon. After the game, a fancy lunch was served, and to top it off, the cake in question was presented for dessert. Alice saw the cake, she started to get out of her chair to rush into the kitchen to tell her hostess all about it, but before she could get to her feet, one of the other ladies said, "What a beautiful cake!" Alice sat back in her chair and almost wet herself when she heard the hostess say .. "Thank you, I baked it myself."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Here is a real Classic from a long time ago: COSTELLO BUYS A COMPUTER ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you? COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer. ABBOTT: Mac? COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou. ABBOTT: Your computer? COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one. ABBOTT: Mac? COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou. ABBOTT: What about Windows? COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here? ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows? COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows? ABBOTT: Wallpaper. COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software. ABBOTT: Software for Windows? COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals track expenses and run my business. What do you have? ABBOTT: Office. COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything? ABBOTT: I just did. COSTELLO: You just did what? ABBOTT: Recommend something. COSTELLO: You recommended something? ABBOTT: Yes. COSTELLO: For my office? ABBOTT: Yes. COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office? ABBOTT: Office. COSTELLO: Yes, for my office! ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows. COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need? ABBOTT: Word. COSTELLO: What word? ABBOTT: Word in Office. COSTELLO: The only word in office is office. ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows. COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows? ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W". COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money? ABBOTT: Money. COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have? ABBOTT: Money. COSTELLO: I need money to track my money? ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer. COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer? ABBOTT: Money. COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer? ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge. COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much? ABBOTT: One copy. COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money? ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money. COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money? ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT! (A few days later) ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you? COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off? ABBOTT: Click on "START"....

Today, on June 4
1615 The fortress of Osaka, Japan, fell to shogun Ieyasu after
a six month siege. 

1647 The British army seized King Charles I and held him as a

1674 Horse racing was prohibited in Massachusetts. 

1783 A hot-air balloon was demonstrated by Joseph and Jacques
Montgolfier. It reached a height of 1,500 feet. 

1784 Marie Thible became the first woman to fly in a hot-air
balloon. The flight was 45 minutes long and reached a height
of 8,500 feet. 

1792 Captain George Vancouver claimed Puget Sound for Britain.

1794 British troops captured Port-au-Prince, Haiti. 

1805 Tripoli was forced to conclude peace with U.S. after the
Marines defeated them. 

1812 The Louisiana Territory had its name changed to the
Missouri Territory. 

1816 The Washington was launched at Wheeling, WV. It was the
first stately, double-decker steamboat. 

1878 Turkey turned Cyprus over to Britain. 

1896 Henry Ford made a successful test drive of his new car in
Detroit, MI. The vehicle was called a "Quadricycle." 

1911 Gold was discovered in Alaska's Indian Creek. 

1918 French and American troops halted Germany's offensive at
Chateau-Thierry, France. 

1919 The U.S. Senate passed the Women's Suffrage bill. 

1924 An eternal light was dedicated at Madison Square in New
York City in memory of all New York soldiers who died in World
War I. 

1931 The first rocket-glider flight was made by William Swan
in Atlantic City, NJ. 

1935 "Invisible" glass was patented by Gerald Brown and Edward

1939 The first shopping cart was introduced by Sylvan Goldman
in Oklahoma City, OK. It was actually a folding chair that had
been mounted on wheels. 

1940 The British completed the evacuation of 300,000 troops at
Dunkirk, France after a failed invasion attempt. 

1942 The Battle of Midway began. It was the first major
victory for America over Japan during World War II. The battle
ended on June 6 and ended Japanese expansion in the Pacific. 

1943 In Argentina, Juan Peron took part in the military coup
that overthrew Ramon S. Castillo. 

1944 The U-505 became the first enemy submarine captured by
the U.S. Navy. 

1944 During World War II, the U.S. Fifth Army entered Rome,
which began the liberation of the Italian capital. 

1946 Juan Peron was installed as Argentina's president. 

1947 The House of Representatives approved the Taft-Hartley
Act. The legislation allowed the President of the United
States to intervene in labor disputes. 

1954 French Premier Joseph Laniel and Vietnamese Premier Buu
Loc initialed treaties in Paris giving "complete independence"
to Vietnam. 

1960 The Taiwan island of Quemoy was hit by 500 artillery
shells fired from the coast of Communist China. 

1974 The Cleveland Indians had "Ten Cent Beer Night". Due to
the drunken and unruly fans the Indians forfeited to the Texas

1974 Sally Murphy became the first woman to qualify as an
aviator with the U.S. Army. 

1985 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld a lower court ruling
striking down an Alabama law that provided for a daily minute
of silence in public schools. 

1986 Jonathan Jay Pollard, a former Navy intelligence analyst,
pled guilty in Washington to spying for Israel. He was
sentenced to life in prison. 

1986 The California Supreme Court approved a law that limited
the liability of manufacturers and other wealthy defendants.
It was known as the "deep pockets law." 

1989 In Beijing, Chinese army troops stormed Tiananmen Square
to crush the pro-democracy movement. It is believed that
hundreds, possibly thousands, of demonstrators were killed. 

2003 The U.S. House of Representatives passed a bill that
would ban "partial birth" abortions with a 282-139 vote. 

2003 announced that it had received more than 1
million orders for the book "Harry Potter and the Order of the
Phoenix." The released date was planned for June 21. 

2008 The United Kingdom and Canada became the first countries
to be able to buy and rent films at the iTunes Store.

2017  smiled.

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Spam complaints from Juno 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, June 3

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Utah Mom Locked Kids In Car Trunk 
To Shop At Walmart
Today, June 3 in
1098 Christian Crusaders of the First Crusade 
seized Antioch, Turkey. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves. -- Abraham Lincoln To see what is in front of one's nose needs a constant struggle. --- George Orwell (1903 - 1950) One thing you will probably remember well is any time you forgive and forget. --- Franklin P. Jones ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Two friends rented a boat and went fishing in a lake. The first day, they caught 30 fish. As they were preparing to go into shore, one man said to the other, "Let's mark this spot so we can come here again tomorrow." The next day, when they were driving to rent the boat, the same guy said, "Did you mark that spot?" His friend replied, "Yeah, I put a big 'X' on the bottom of the boat." The first one said, "That was dumb! What if we don't get the same boat today?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ came home from school and mentioned evolution. Dad hit the roof and started screaming that evolution was nonsense. "You migt have descended from an ape!" he yelled, "But I sure didn't!" ----------- Actually, that is a joke my dad told at the kitchen table about 60 years ago. ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Tori Castillo, 39, Riverdale, Utah Utah Mom Locked Kids In Car Trunk To Shop At Walmart A Utah mom faces child abuse charges after she allegedly locked her two kids in the trunk of a car and went shopping at Walmart. Tori Castillo was arrested and booked into jail Thursday, according to a police news release obtained by Gephardt Daily. She has been charged with four counts of child abuse involving physical injury and one of retail theft, according to the Weber County Sheriff's Office. Riverdale police arrived at a Walmart Thursday for a report of child neglect, according to the news release. A witness told them that a woman had locked children in a car's trunk. Several people heard noise coming from inside the trunk. The kids, ages two and five, were "moving frantically," "causing the vehicle to shake." Charity Maw heard them pounding against the wall, she told Good4Utah. “The little girl’s voice, just screaming, 'let me out! I’m scared,'” Maw said. “I was shocked, I was shaken, and I was mad.” Shopper Heidi, who didn't want her last name used, told Fox 13 she told the girl how to open the trunk’s emergency latch. The two sweaty children jumped out right away. While they waited for police to get there, the mother came back from the store, Heidi told Fox 13. "The only explanation she had was, 'My babysitter didn't show up.'" Police say the children were released to their father, according to Good4Utah. The state's Department of Child and Family Services is also investigating. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Marian Re: Spam complaints from Juno Dear Webby I run a legitimate newsletter but now and then my web host forwards me spam complaints from Juno. They don't take them serious, and they say they just forward them for my amusement, but should I be concerned? How do you deal with situations like that? Marian Dear Marian The cause of those complaints is some JUNO user clicking on their "This is spam" button to put your newsletter on vacation-hold, so that it does not fill up their mailbox while they are away. The "techs" at JUNO's mail department don't check, they blindly malfunction and send out spam complaints. Just send them a letter telling them that they are a bunch of incompetent idiots. You can be as abusive as you want, since the apes there can't read anyway. As long as something comes back, the matter is settled. It seems that their complaints are just a klutzy way of checking if the stuff was sent by a spam machine, or by a human. A spam machine ignores them, a human tells them they are a bunch of %$& @#$%s. Just make sure they don't think you are a spam machine '-) Actually, I have not seen any complaints from there in a while. Maybe they are slowly smartening up? Don't automate your reply to them! That will get you blocked by the Blacklists and your newsletter will really be in trouble! Have FUN! DearWebby
Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other outside the operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?" The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous." The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-o and ice cream. It's a breeze." The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?" The first kid says, "A circumcision." "Whoa!", the second kid replies. "Good luck buddy. I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Cleaning Fingernails After Gardening By ShirleyE [161 Posts, 103 Comments] Even if you wear gardening gloves your hands and fingernails get ingrained with dirt that is hard to remove. So, before you put your gloves on, scratch a dampened bar of soap. Don't worry if the soap falls out of your nails as you do your gardening, there will still be enough soapiness under them to make this work. When you clean your hands later, simply add a little more soap to your nailbrush and the dirt will easily wash away. Most soils are alkaline so just as an extra measure to counteract this and to help prevent your skin and nails becoming dry course and brittle, add a little vinegar, lemon juice or other acidic foodstuff to a bowl of water for a final rinse.
when you try to pour water over Hoover Dam
____________________________________________________ While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the North?" When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, (and has done so for a few Million years), she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff." ___________________________________________________
I'll bet this smells divine.
Thanks to Martin for this one: During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director, "What is the criterion that defines a patient to be institutionalized?" "Well..." said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, and offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask them to empty the bathtub." 1. Would you use the spoon? 2. Would you use the teacup? 3. Would you use the bucket? "Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would choose the bucket as it is larger than the spoon or the teacup." The answer: "Noooooo," said the Director. "A normal person would pull the plug".
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Alternative Names For Cubicles Soul-Sucking Pod o' Death Tomb of the Unknown Bureaucrat Slack-In-The-Box Headquarters, Jodie Foster Fan Club Peon Palazzo Yuppie Terrarium The SnackFood Triangle English Majors Entry Point Luxury Manhattan Apartment. Picasso's Folly Porn Downloading Headquarters Fortress of Servitude Fartorium Keyboard test lab Wraparound Turbo Demoralizer 2017

Today, on June 3
1098 Christian Crusaders of the First Crusade seized Antioch,

1539 Hernando De Soto claimed Florida for Spain. 

1621 The Dutch West India Company received a charter for New
Netherlands (now known as New York). 

1784 The U.S. Congress formally created the United States Army
to replace the disbanded Continental Army. On June 14, 1775,
the Second Continental Congress had created the Continental
Army for purposes of common defense and this event is
considered to be the birth of the United States Army. 

1800 John Adams moved to Washington, DC. He was the first
President to live in what later became the capital of the
United States. 

1805 A peace treaty between the U.S. and Tripoli was completed
in the captain's cabin on board the USS Constitution. 

1851 The New York Knickerbockers became the first baseball
team to wear uniforms. 

1856 Cullen Whipple patented the screw machine. 

1888 "Casey at the Bat" the poem by Ernest Lawrence Thayer was
first published. 

1918 The Finnish Parliament ratified its treaty with Germany. 

1923 In Italy, Benito Mussolini granted women the right to

1932 Lou Gehrig set a major league baseball record when he hit
four consecutive home runs. 

1937 The Duke of Windsor, who had abdicated the British
throne, married Wallis Warfield Simpson. 

1938 The German Reich voted to confiscate so-called
"degenerate art" (modern art). 

1952 A rebellion by North Korean prisoners in the Koje prison
camp in South Korea was put down by American troops. 

1965 Edward White became the first American astronaut to do a
"space walk" when he left the Gemini 4 capsule. 

1970 Har Gobind Khorana and colleagues announced the first
synthesis of a gene from chemical components. 

1989 Chinese army troops positioned themselves to begin a
sweep of Beijing to crush student-led pro-democracy
demonstrations in Tiananmen Square. 

1999 Slobodan Milosevic's government accepted an international
peace plan concerning Kosovo. NATO announced that airstrikes
would continue until 40,000 Serb forces were withdrawn from

2017  smiled.

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Best type of microphone 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, June 2
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Thanks Joseph!!

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman arrested with meth in bra, 
told cop she bought it at yard sale.
Today, June 2 in
1774 The Quartering Act, which required American 
colonists to allow British soldiers into their 
houses, was reenacted. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The word 'meaningful' when used today is nearly always meaningless. --- Paul Johnson ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Wendy Brenda, pregnant with her first child, was paying a visit to her obstetrician's office. When the exam was over, she shyly began, "My husband wants me to ask you..." "I know, I know." the doctor said, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder, "I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy." "No, that's not it at all," Brenda confessed. "He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ >From Noella Every member of the Mensa organization has an IQ in the top 2 percent and has to pass a difficult test of logic and reasoning to be admitted. A few years ago, there was a Mensa convention in San Francisco, and several members ate dinner at a local café. While dining, they discovered that their salt shaker contained pepper and their pepper shaker contained salt. How could they swap the contents of the bottles without spilling them, using only the implements at hand? Clearly this was a job for these Mensa members. The group debated and presented ideas and finally came up with a brilliant solution involving a napkin, a straw, and an empty saucer. They called the waitress over to dazzle her with their solution. "Miss," they said, "we couldn't help but notice that the pepper shaker contains salt and the salt shaker—" "Oh," the waitress interrupted. "Sorry about that." She unscrewed the caps of both bottles and switched them. ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Christina Sarao, 35, Vero Beach, Florida Florida woman arrested with meth in bra, told cop she bought it at yard sale. Christina Sarao, 35, got pulled over in front of a home for not wearing a seat belt, but when the deputy asked for her ID she got out of her truck and started running, TC Palm reports. Sarao initially told the deputy her name was Holly Smith and her ID was inside her grandmother’s home, but the deputy recognized her since he “had prior interactions with her,” according to TC Palm. Once the deputy caught Sarao she allegedly yelled to him “I have to poop and I’m pregnant!” the arrest report states. She later admitted to the deputy that she wasn’t pregnant and the home she parked at was not her grandmother’s, according to TC Palm. When the deputy searched Sarah he found meth and a pipe in her bra, which she told the deputy she bought at a yard sale down the street, according to TC Palm. Sarao was taken to the Indian River County jail on charges of driving with a suspended license, possession of methamphetamine, giving a false name while detained, and resisting arrest, TC Palm Reports. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Britta Re: What is the best microphone type? Dear Webby I know you answered this last year, but I didn't save it. What type of microphone is best ? Stationary, cheek, front boom, or lapel? Britta Dear Britta Voice quality is usually best with a cheek or side boom, but if they are just hanging on one ear, they are a real nuisance. Second best voice quality is with a lapel mike, a real lapel mike made for that purpose, not any other mike pinned to your front. Stationary microphones are excellent, if you are in a sound booth and wearing a DJ's neck brace. If you look to the side at a wall calendar, your voice fades, yet the microphone will pick up a fan in the next room. Amplified directional mikes overcome those problems, because they allow you to be farther away and have a wider focus. Front boom mikes can be absolute worst, especially if an amateur positions the microphone right in front of the mouth and terrorizes the listeners with "chicken-scratch", the harsh sounds produced by "t"s "p"s and other "explosive" consonants recorded from too close. Worst of all is when somebody holds the microphone from a head set in their hand and waves it in front of their mouth. If you use a cheap front-boom mike, position it so that it is at chin level, never at lip level ! Resist any pranksters that want you to move it closer for more volume. If you need more volume, go into the Windows Control Panel, Sound Options, crank up the microphone volume and select microphone boost. With microphone boost set to ON, you can usually bend a front boom to the side of your cheek, out of the line of fire from the explosive consonants and still get plenty of volume. Have FUN! DearWebby
>From Angie I pulled into a crowded parking lot and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador retriever had fresh air. She was stretched out on the back seat, and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there. I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically, "Now you stay. Do you hear me? Stay!" The driver of a nearby car gave me a startled look. "I don't know about you," he said incredulously. "But I usually just put my car in park."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Gluten Free Strawberry Delight By Litter Gitter [210 Posts, 673 Comments] My daughter gave me the recipe to try. I made it gluten free for my son's birthday. He and I both are allergic to wheat gluten and this cake is a real treat for us. It's so good, we made a pig of ourselves eating it. Gluten Free Strawberry Delight Strawberries are about to go out of season but you can leave them off and just use the strawberry glaze and it is still good. When I get my family together, this is what they want for dessert. Ingredients: Gluten free Angel Food Cake* 8 oz cream cheese 1 cup confectioners' sugar 1 Tbsp milk 8 oz Cool Whip 1 pt whole fresh strawberries, halved. 16 oz package of strawberry glaze (found in the produce section) *This recipe calls for Angel Food Cake. For a delicious homemade gluten free angel food cake, use my recipe posted on Thrifty Fun. Gluten Free Angel Food Cake Steps: Let cream cheese sit out until it is soft. Cut cake in half across to make two layers. In mixing bowl, beat cream cheese, confectioners sugar and milk until smooth. Spread between layers and stack on a cake plate. Spread remaining mixture on top and around sides of cake. Place in the refrigerator and chill for a couple of hours or over night. Frost cake all over with Cool Whip. Decorate with the strawberries and drizzle with strawberry glaze.
Mother's Day Pic
____________________________________________________ The difference between a neurotic and a psychotic is that, while a psychotic thinks that 2 + 2 = 5, a neurotic knows the answer is 4, but it worries him. ___________________________________________________
There was a lot to learn to become a Stewardess in the sixties. Those ladies were not just eye candy!
A bride called to make a change to her wedding registry. It is common, almost expected, that a bride will change something on her registry at least once (dishes, color of towels, sheets, bathroom items, etc.). The Customer Service Representative told her that J.C. Penney would be happy to make the change. He asked if the bride wanted to change the dishes or the linens. The bride said, "No, keep all that. I just wanted to change the name of the groom. The first one chickened out and I had to get another one."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

>From Paul One semester when my brother, Peter, attended the University of Minnesota in Minneapolis, an art-student friend of his asked if he could paint Peter's portrait for a class assignment. Peter agreed, and the art student painted and submitted the portrait, only to receive a C minus. The art student approached the professor to ask why the grade was so poor. The teacher told him that the proportions in the painting were incorrect. "The head is too big," the professor explained. "The neck is too thin, the shoulders are too wide, and the feet are enormous. Nobody is THAT ugly. You did a carricature. We do that next semster." The next day, the art student brought Peter to see the professor. He took one look at my brother and said, "Okay, A minus."

Today, on June 2
1537 Pope Paul III banned the enslavement of Indians. 

1774 The Quartering Act, which required American colonists to
allow British soldiers into their houses, was reenacted. 

1793 Maximillian Robespierre initiated the "Reign of Terror".
It was an effort to purge those suspected of treason against
the French Republic. 

1818 The British army defeated the Maratha alliance in Bombay,

1835 P.T. Barnum launched his first traveling show. The main
attraction was Joice Heth. Heth was reputed to be the 161-
year-old nurse of George Washington. 

1851 Maine became the first U.S. state to enact a law
prohibiting alcohol. 

1883 The first baseball game under electric lights was played
in Fort Wayne, Indiana. 

1896 Guglieimo Marconi's radio telegraphy device was patented
in Great Britain. 

1897 Mark Twain, at age 61, was quoted by the New York Journal
as saying "the report of my death was an exaggeration." He was
responding to the rumors that he had died. 

1910 Charles Stewart Roll became the first person to fly non-
stop and double cross the English Channel. 

1924 All American Indians were granted U.S. citizenship by the
U.S. Congress. 

1928 Nationalist Chiang Kai-shek captured Peking, China. 

1930 Mrs. M. Niezes of Panama gave birth to the first baby to
be born on a ship while passing through the Panama Canal. 

1933 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt accepted the first
swimming pool to be built inside the White House. 

1946 Italians voted by referendum to form a republic instead
of a monarchy. 

1953 Elizabeth was crowned queen of England at Westminster

1954 U.S. Senator Joseph McCarthy charged that there were
communists working in the CIA and atomic weapons plants. 

1957 Soviet Premier Nikita Khrushchev was interviewed by CBS-

1966 Surveyor 1, the U.S. space probe, landed on the moon and
started sending photographs back to Earth of the Moon's
surface. It was the first soft landing on the Moon. 

1969 The National Arts Center in Canada opened its doors to
the public. 

1969 Australian aircraft carrier Melbourne sliced the
destroyer USS Frank E. Evans in half off the shore of South

1979 Pope John Paul II arrived in his native Poland on the
first visit by a pope to a Communist country. 

1985 The R.J. Reynolds Company proposed a major merger with
Nabisco that would create a $4.9 billion conglomerate. 

1995 Captain Scott F. O'Grady's U.S. Air Force F-16C was shot
down by Bosnian Serbs. He was rescued six days later. 

1998 Royal Caribbean Cruises agreed to pay $9 million to
settle charges of dumping waste at sea. 

1998 Voters in California passed Proposition 227. The act
abolished the state's 30-year-old bilingual education program
by requiring that all children be taught in English. 

1999 In South Africa, the African National Congress (ANC) won
a major victory. ANC leader Thabo Mbeki was to succeed Nelson
Mandela as the nation's president. 

2003 In the U.S., federal regulators voted to allow companies
to buy more television stations and newspaper-broadcasting
combinations in the same city. The previous ownership
restrictions had not been altered since 1975. 

2003 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that companies could not be
sued under a trademark law for using information in the public
domain without giving credit to the originator. The case had
originated with 20th Century Fox against suing Dastar Corp.
over their use of World War II footage. 

2003 William Baily was reunited with two paintings he had left
on a subway platform. One of the works was an original Picasso
rendering of two male figures and a recreation of Picasso's
"Guernica" by Sophie Matisse. Sophie Matisse was the great-
granddaughter of Henri Matisse.

2017  smiled.

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Difference between WebMail and POP explained 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, June 1

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Sex assault case comes to light after girl 
caught watching porn in school
Today, June 1 in
1944 Siesta was abolished by the government 
of Mexico.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ When you have the courage to tell the truth about what you're really afraid of, fear doesn't have control over your life. --- Ali Vincent ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The minister gave his Sunday morning service, as usual, but this particular Sunday, it was considerably longer than normal. Later, at the door, shaking hands with parishioners as they moved out, one man said, "Your sermon, Pastor, was simply wonderful - so invigorating and inspiring and refreshing." The minister of course, broke out in a big smile, only to hear the man say, "Boy, I felt like a new man when I woke up!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ If you consider that there has been an average of 160,000 troops in the Iraq theater of operations during the last 22 months, that gives a firearm death rate of 60 per 100,000. The firearm death rate in Washington, DC is 80.6 per 100,000. That means that you are 25% more likely to be shot and killed in the US Capitol than if you are in Iraq. That does not include other violent forms of death. Conclusion: Pulling out of Washington, DC should be given at least 25% higher priority than pulling out of Iraq. (My numbers may need updating!) ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Anthony Garay, 31, San Antonio, Texas Sex assault case comes to light after girl caught watching porn in school A Southwest Bexar County man is facing charges of continuous sexual assault of a child after the case came to light in an unusual way. The alleged victim, a nine-year-old girl, told it all after she was caught watching pornography in school, according to an arrest warrant affidavit. Anthony Garay, 31, was arrested Tuesday as the result of an investigation by the Bexar County Sheriff's Office. The affidavit said a teacher confronted the girl May 17 after she noticed her watching pornography on a school-issued iPad the previous day. The girl responded saying that a friend was helping her search the internet for more information on what Garay had been doing to her, the affidavit said. School officials reported the allegations to the sheriff's office and investigators questioned the child. The affidavit said that she told them Garay had been performing sex acts on her since she was seven or eight years old, and continued until that week. She also said that he had done the same thing to her sister. The court document also said that Garay had been under investigation by Child Protective Services in the past regarding allegations of sexual assault involving the same two children. However, it did not disclose what the outcome of that investigation was. Garay`s father has been on the run since he was sentenced to serve ten years for identical charges. There was no mention of the girl`s parents. Maybe they are on the run too. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Alene Re: Web Mail or POP mail Dear Webby What is the difference between Web Mail and POP mail? Alene Dear Alene Traditional POP mail is stored at your local dial-up or high speed Internet provider and you pull it down to your computer with an email program that sits on your computer. Web Mail sits on a web server somewhere, often half a world away from you, and you use a mail program that is on that server to work on your mail. You save what you want to keep onto your computer. Web mail is more flexible and you can check your mail from any cyber cafe or friends place or from work, without having to install a mail program first. Some people prefer good old POP style email, just like some people prefer Diesel engines over Gasoline. Both types work well, and it just a matter of personal preferences. Some types of email providers use a mix of the two. For example Gmail is basically a Web Mail, but you can set it in the settings to act like POP mail and to forward the cleaned mail to your POP address at your own domain or your local ISP. Gmail is excellent for doing the rough primary spam cleaning of your mail. What is then forwarded to your domain or ISP based mail just needs just some final fine-tooth cleaning with MailWasher. Have FUN! DearWebby
Thanks to Dianne for these Out Of Office messages: 1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood. 2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all. 3. I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I return from holiday on 4 April. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received. 4. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message. 5. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over). 6. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks. 7. I've run away to join a different circus. 8. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as ' Margaret' instead of 'Jay'. 9. I am currently out of the office. Well, not really. But with the amount of mail I get, this is the only way to deal with it. You can interprete my quick and timely response to your question as a "Definite Maybe". 10. I am currently attending a midlle management seminar on office safety. Come and join us! It's at Joe's Bar and Grill down the street.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from This is slightly cleaned up from Shakespearean days: A well-dressed business man was walking down the street when a rough-looking little kid stopped him and asked, "Sir, can you tell me the time?" The gentleman carefully unbuttoned his coat and jacket, removed a large watch from a vest pocket, looked at it and said, "It is a quarter to three, young man." "Thanks," said the boy. "At exactly three o'clock you can kiss my butt!" With that, the kid took off running, and with an angry cry, the outraged businessman started chasing him. He had not been running long when an old friend stopped him. "Why are you running to like a maniac?" asked the friend. Gasping and almost incoherent with fury, the business man said, "That little brat asked me the time and when I told him it was quarter to three he told me that at exactly three, I could kiss his butt!" "So what's your hurry," said the friend, looking at his own watch. "You still have twelve minutes."
Lemur wants to be petted
____________________________________________________ >From Mia One day while driving with my 4-year-old daughter I beeped the horn by mistake. She turned and looked at me for an explanation. I said, "I did that by accident." She replied, "I know that, 'cause you didn't yell '@#$%^& BIMBO!' afterward!" ___________________________________________________
A very brave woman who is finally getting the recognition she deserves. Too bad she didn't get it while she was alive.
>From Brent My girlfriend Tricia called me as she was driving to an appointment. She arrived, and I could tell from her voice that she was getting frustrated. Finally she said, "I know I had my cell phone with me. And now I can't find it!" I replied, "Aren't you talking on it!?" There was a solid period of stunned silence as the reality of the situation sank in - followed by, "I will murder you, if you tell anybody about this!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

A Pastor was called to a local nursing home to perform a wedding. An anxious old man met him at the door. The pastor sat down to counsel the old man and asked several questions. "Do you love her?" The old man replied, "Nope." "Is she a good Christian woman?" "I don't know for sure," the old man answered. "Does she have lots of money?" asked the pastor. "I doubt it." "Then why are you marrying her?" the preacher asked. "Cause she can drive at night," the old man said.

Today, on June 1
1533 Anne Boleyn, Henry VIIIÆs new queen, was crowned. 

1774 The British government ordered the Port of Boston closed.
That did not go over well at all.

1861 The first skirmish of the U.S. Civil War took place at
the Fairfax Court House, Virginia. 

1869 Thomas Edison received a patent for his electric voting
machine. It was never used.

1877 U.S. troops were authorized to pursue bandits into

1892 The General Electric Company (GE) began operations after
the merging of the Edison General Electric and the Thomson-
Houston Electric companies. 

1896 In Paris, France, the first recorded automobile theft
occurred. The Peugeot of Baron de Zuylen de Nyevelt was stolen
by his mechanic. 

1915 Germany conducted the first zeppelin air raid over

1916 The National Defense Act increased the strength of the
U.S. National Guard by 450,000 men. 

1921 A race riot erupted in Tulsa, OKlahoma. 85 people were

1935 The Ingersoll-Waterbury Company reported that it had
produced 2.5 million Mickey Mouse watches during its 2-year
association with Disney. 

1938 Baseball helmets were worn for the first time. 

1939 The Douglas DC-4 made its first passenger flight from
Chicago to New York. 

1941 The German Army completed the capture of Crete as the
Allied evacuation ended. 

1942 The U.S. began sending Lend-Lease materials to the Soviet

1943 During World War II, Germans shot down a civilian flight
from Lisbon to London. 

1944 The French resistance was warned by a coded message from
the British that the D-Day invasion was imminent. 

1944 Siesta was abolished by the government of Mexico. 

1954 In the Peanuts comic strip, Linus' security blanket made
its debut. 

1958 Charles de Gaulle became the premier of France. 

1958 IBM ended its design of machines that contained
electronic tubes. 

1961 Radio listeners in New York, California, and Illinois
were introduced to FM multiplex stereo broadcasting. A year
later the FCC made this a standard. 

1963 Governor George Wallace vowed to defy an injunction that
ordered the integration of the University of Alabama. 

1970 Zimbabwe came into existence. It was formerly known as

1972 In Iraq, The Ba'athist government nationalized the
western-owned Iraq Petroleum Company and turned operations
over to the Iraq National Oil Company. 

1977 The Soviet Union formally charged Jewish human rights
activist Anatoly Shcharansky with treason. He was imprisoned
until 1986. 

1978 The U.S. reported the finding of wiretaps in the American
embassy in Moscow. 

1979 In the U.S., the government-controlled ceiling on oil
prices ends. The control was phased out over 28 months. 

1980 Cable News Network (CNN) made its debut as the first all-
news station. 

1989 Disney World's "Typhoon Lagoon" opened. 

1995 At Disneyland Paris, the attraction "Space Mountain: From
The Earth to the Moon" opened. 

1998 In the U.S., the FDA approved a urine-only test for the
AIDS virus. 

1998 A $124 million suit was brought against Goodyear Tire &
Rubber that alleged discrimination towards black workers. 

1999 Merrill Lynch chairman David Komansky announced that the
firm would soon allow its customers to buy and sell stocks
over the Internet. 

2008 The Phoenix Mars Lander became the first NASA spacecraft
to scoop Martian soil. 

2009 General Motors filed for Chapter 11 Bankruptcy. The
filing made GM the largest U.S. industrial company to enter
bankruptcy protection. 

2017  smiled.

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Large font version on Yahoo 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, May 31

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Home invader arrested after elerly man knocks
her down and holds her until cops arrive,
after she had bloodied his wife with a club
Today, May 31 in
1977 The trans-Alaska oil pipeline was finished after 
3 years of construction. It still works just fine.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Skill Without Imagination Is Craftsmanship And Gives Us Many Useful Objects Such As Wickerwork Picnic Baskets. Imagination Without Skill Gives Us Modern Art. --- Tom Stoppard ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A Couple Drove Down A Country Road For Several Miles, Not Saying A Word. An Earlier Discussion Had Led To An Argument And Neither Of Them Wanted To Concede Their Position. As They Passed A Barnyard Of Mules, Goats, And Pigs, The Husband Asked Sarcastically, "Relatives Of Yours?" "Yep," The Wife Replied, "In-Laws." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks To Mary Fields For This Story: This May Come As A Surprise To Those Of You Not Living In Las Vegas But There Are More Catholic Churches There Than Casinos. Not Surprisingly, Some Worshippers At Sunday Services Will Give Casino Chips Rather Than Cash When The Basket Is Passed. Since They Get Chips From So Many Different Casinos, The Churches Have Devised A Method To Collect The Offerings. The Churches Send All Their Collected Chips To A Nearby Franciscan Monastery For Sorting And Then The Chips Are Taken To The Casinos Of Origin And Cashed In. This Is Done By The Chip Monk! ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Rehnu Singh, 50, San Jose, California Home Invader Arrested After Elerly Man Knocks Her Down And Holds Her Until Cops Arrive After She Had Bloodied His Wife With A Club An Elderly Man Who Said He Pleaded To No Avail For Help From Bystanders Managed To Beat Back His Wife’S Alleged Assailant Sunday Night, Holding Down The Suspect In Front Of His Home Until Santa Clara County Sheriff’S Deputies Arrived And Arrested Her. Yousef Youkhaneh, 82, Told This News Organization That After Wrestling With The Home Invader And Being Dragged Onto Mckee Road In Front Of His Home, He Looked Up Only To See People Slow Down Their Cars Not To Help, But To Take Photos Of The Struggle, Then Drive On. No One Stopped To Give Him Aid, He Said. "I Said, "Call Police, Somebody Help Me! I Am Tired," Youkhaneh Recalled From His Backyard Monday Afternoon, Where The Incident Began. "Nobody Did Anything." After 10 Minutes, He Said, Santa Clara County Sheriff’S Deputies Arrived To Arrest Rehnu Singh, A 50-Year-Old San Jose Woman Already On Probation For Burglary. She Was Booked Into Santa Clara County Jail For Investigation Of Elder Abuse, Assault With A Deadly Weapon, Attempted Burglary And Probation Violation, Said Sheriff’S Sgt. Richard Glennon. Glennon Said Sheriff’S Deputies Had Been Called Around 5:50 P.M. In Response To An Apparent Assault Of A Woman By A Man In The Street, But Soon Discovered Otherwise. Youkhaneh Said He Was Inside His Home Going Over Paperwork When He Heard His Wife Screaming For Help Outside The Door To The Couple’S Backyard. He Rushed Out To See His 76-Year-Old Wife Christina Youkhaneh With A Bloodied Head After Singh Had Allegedly Hit Her With A Heavy Branch. The Gash Required Eight Stitches. Drops Of His Wife’S Blood Were Still Visible On The Back Door And Pavement Monday As He Recalled Her Laying On The Ground, Exhorting Him Not To Let Singh Get Away. "She Had Tools In Her Hand And She Tried To Hit Me," Said The Retired Auto Body Shop Owner, Showing Bite Marks Left On His Hand From The Attack. "But I Didn’T Let Her Go." As They Headed Out Along His Driveway That Leads Straight Into Traffic, Youkhaneh Managed To Grab Singh’S Ankle. By The Time They Got To The Sidewalk Bordering The Traffic, "I Fell Down And She Fell Down," He Said, Lifting His Left Pant Leg To Show His Skinned Knee. "But I Didn’T Let Her Go. I Held Onto Her With All My Power." Singh Screamed To Witnesses: "I Didn’T Do It; The Man Did It!" Youkhaneh Said. He Looked Up And Saw People — Across The Street, On The Sidewalk, And Many Slowing Down Their Cars To Take Photos With Their Phones, And He Called For Help. "Why Didt They Help?" He Asked Monday. "What Kind Of People Is This Taking Pictures? Maybe Someday It Happens To Them." ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Yahoos Re: Switch to regular font size Dear Webby How Do I Switch From Large To Regular Font? Similar Messages From Various Yahoos. Dear Yahoos You Got The Regular Version. Possibly You Turned The Mouse Scroll Wheel While Holding The Ctrl Or Sgrg Key, Or Since This Affected Only Yahoos, Possibly It Was Something Yahoo Did. Just Use The Ctrl Key And The Scroll Wheel To Zoom The Font To A Comfortable Size. By The Way, Any Yahoos Or Hotmail Victims, If You Experience Irregtularities With The Newsletter Delivery, Just Switch To A More Respectable Address, Like For Example A Gmail Address. You Don't Have To Give Up The Old A Ddress, Just Get The Gmail Address On The Side. Have FUN! DearWebby
Thanks To Cookie For The Rules She Lives By: If A Motorist Cuts You Off, Just Turn The Other Cheek. Nothing Gets The Message Across Like A Good Mooning. Follow Your Dream! Unless It's The One Where You're At Work In Your Underwear During A Fire Drill. Don't Assume Malice For What Stupidity Can Explain. (That's About Aol Tech Support) One Good Turn Gets Most Of The Blankets. Marriage Is The Triumph Of Imagination Over Intelligence. Second Marriage Is The Triumph Of Hope Over Experience. Before Marriage, A Man Yearns For The Woman He Loves. After Marriage, The 'Y' Becomes Silent. You Never Really Learn To Swear Until You Learn To Drive. (The Corollary Is: You Never Learn To Pray Until Your Kids Learn To Drive!) A Man Usually Feels Better After A Few Winks, Especially If She Winks Back.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Ham and Cheese Popovers By Lalala... [824 Posts, 106 Comments] Ingredients: 1 Can Refrigerated Crescent Roll Dough (6 Crescents) 1 Cup Chopped Ham (I Used Black Forest Deli Ham) 1 Cup Cheddar Cheese, Shredded Directions: Preheat The Oven To 425 Degrees F. Spray Muffin Pan With A Non-Stick Spray. Unroll The Crescent Dough And Separate Them Along The Precut Lines. Divide The Ham And Cheese Equally On To Each Crescent Triangle. Starting At The Wide End, Roll Up Each Crescent, Finishing At The Pointy End. You Can Trim Off The Excess Dough On The End, I Just Push It Down Into The Center Of The Roll. Place The Popovers Into Prepared Muffin Pan And Bake For 10 Minutes Or Until Puffy And Golden Brown. Servings:6 Prep Time:10 Minutes Cooking Time:10 Minutes Source: "Cook It In A Cup" Cookbook
Lemur wants to be petted
____________________________________________________ A Husband Read An Article To His Wife About How Many Words Women Use A Day... 30,000 To A Man's 15,000. The Wife Replied, "The Reason Has To Be Because We Have To Repeat Everything To Men. The Husband Then Turned To His Wife And Asked, "What?" ___________________________________________________
Let's arm chair travel today.
A Kleptomaniac Woman Had Been Caught Shoplifting In A Supermarket And Had To Appear In Court, Taking Along Her Long-Suffering Husband For Marital Support. The Prosecution Proved That The Theft Had Taken Place So The Judge Told Her That, Considering Her Record, He Was Forced To Impose A Jail Term. "This Time You Stole A Can Of Tomatoes. Let Us Suppose That There Were Six Tomatoes In The Can. Do You Agree?" The Woman Agreed. "Then I Sentence You To Six Nights In Jail." The Husband Jumped To His Feet, Addressing The Judge, "Your Honor, May I Approach The Bench?" "Well," Said His Honor, This Is Somewhat Unusual But I Will Make An Exception In This Case. You May Approach The Bench." The Husband Wasted No Time Getting There And, Leaning Forward, He Whispered, "She Also Stole A Can Of Peas."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

A Man Is Driving With His Wife At His Side And His Mother-In-Law In The Backseat. The Women Just Won't Leave Him Alone. His Mother-In-Law Says, "You're Driving Too Fast!" His Wife Says, "Stay More To The Left." After Ten Mixed Orders, The Man Turns To His Wife And Asks, "Who's Driving This Car - You Or Your Mother?"

Today, on May 31
1433 Sigismund Was Crowned Emperor Of Rome. 

1859 In London, Big Ben Went Into Operation. 

1870 E.J. Desemdt Patented Asphalt. 

1884 Dr. John Harvey Kellogg Patented "Flaked Cereal." 

1889 In Johnstown, Pa, More Than 2,200 People Died After The
South Fork Dam Collapsed. 

1900 U.S. Troops Arrived In Peking To Help Put Down The Boxer

1902 The Boer War Ended Between The Boers Of South Africa And
Great Britain With The Treaty Of Vereeniging. 

1907 The First Taxis Arrived In New York City. They Were The
First In The United States. 

1909 The National Association For The Advancement Of Colored
People (Naacp) Held Its First Conference. 

1910 The Union Of South Africa Was Founded. 

1913 The 17th Amendment Went Into Effect. It Provided For
Popular Election Of U.S. Senators. 

1915 A German Zeppelin Made An Air Raid On London. 

1927 Ford Motor Company Produced The Last "Tin Lizzie" In Order
To Begin Production Of The Model A. 

1929 In Beverly, Ma, The First U.S. Born Reindeer Were Born. 

1943 "Archie" Was Aired On The Mutual Broadcasting System For
The First Time. 

1947 Communists Seized Control Of Hungary. 

1955 The U.S. Supreme Court Ordered That All States Must End
Racial Segregation "With All Deliberate Speed." 

1961 South Africa Became An Independent Republic. 

1962 Adolf Eichmann Was Hanged In Israel. Eichmann Was A Gestapo
Official And Was Executed For His Actions In The Nazi Holocaust.

1970 An Earthquake In Peru Killed Tens Of Thousands Of People. 

1974 Israel And Syria Signed An Agreement On The Golan Heights. 

1977 The Trans-Alaska Oil Pipeline Was Finished After 3 Years Of
Construction. It Still Works Just Fine.

1979 Zimbabwe Proclaimed Its Independence. 

1994 The U.S. Announced It Was No Longer Aiming Long-Range
Nuclear Missiles At Targets In The Former Soviet Union. 

2003 In North Carolina, Eric Robert Rudolph Was Captured. He Had
Been On The Fbi's 10 Most Wanted List For Five Years For Several
Bombings Including The 1996 Olympic Bombing.

2017  smiled.

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How to choose a domain name 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, May 30

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
PA grave robber arrested for assaulting 
man with cerebral palsy.
Today, May 30 in
1431 Joan of Arc was burned at the stake in Rouen, 
France, at the age of 19. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one. --- Malcolm Forbes (1919 - 1990) Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us. --- Bill Watterson (1958 - ) The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously. --- Hubert H. Humphrey ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Dave: A property manager of single-family residence was showing a unit to prospective tenants and asking the usual questions. "Professionally employed?" he asked. "We're a military family," the wife answered. "Children?" "Oh, yes, ages nine and twelve," she answered proudly. "Animals?" "Oh, no," she said earnestly. "They're very well behaved." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ The young son of a Baptist minister was in church one morning when he observed very closely the ordinance of baptism by immersion. He was greatly interested in it, and the next morning proceeded to baptize his three cats in the bathtub. The kitten bore it very well, and so did the young cat, but the old family cat rebelled. It struggled with him, clawed and tore him, and got away. With considerable effort he caught it again and proceeded with the ceremony. But she acted worse than ever, clawed at him, spit, and scratched his hands and face. Finally, after barely getting her splattered with water, he dropped her on the floor in disgust and said: "Fine, just be a Methodist." ______________________________________________________ Oops-fergot-to-hold-it-with-both-hands! _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Barry Baker, 29, West Chester, Pennsylvania PA veteran's grave robber arrested for assaulting man with cerebral palsy. The Pennsylvania dirtbag arrested for sucker punching a man with cerebral palsy is actually a worse person than he appears, records show. Barry Baker, 29, was charged earlier this month with battery for an unprovoked 2:30 AM attack outside a 7-Eleven in West Chester (where Baker has lived and worked for a tow company). As seen in the above surveillance video, Baker, an ex-con, walloped the 22-year-old victim after mocking the way the man walked. Though Baker--charged with assault, harassment, and disorderly conduct--was initially released on $25,000 bail, he will soon return to jail after a judge this week issued an arrest warrant charging him with violating his probation. According to court records, Baker was placed on three years probation in October 2015 for violating terms of a probation sentence imposed following his conviction for theft from a motor vehicle. In addition to his arrest this month, Baker allegedly violated his probation by not paying restitution, fines, and court costs of nearly $4500. Baker’s rap sheet includes convictions for theft, forgery, conspiracy, and receiving stolen property. The latter count stemmed from Baker’s involvement in a crime on par with punching a guy with cerebral palsy in the face. In 2007, Baker pleaded guilty to his role in the theft of hundreds of bronze flag holders that marked the graves of veterans at two Pennsylvania cemeteries. Baker and his accomplices stole the markers so that they could be sold as scrap metal. Police recovered nearly 250 flag holders--worth about $10,000--from a Pennsylvania scrap company. Baker, who was charged with 143 counts of intentional desecration of a venerated object, pleaded guilty to felony conspiracy and receiving stolen property counts. He was sentenced to a minimum of eleven-and-a-half months in jail and a maximum of 23 months in custody. He was also ordered to participate in a drug or alcohol treatment program and undergo a mental health evaluation. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Elsinore Re: How to choose domain names Dear Webby I know you mentioned it before, but I didn't need that info at the time and did not save it. What's to watch out for when choosing a domain name? Thanks Elsinore Dear Elsinore Above all, a domain name has to be memorable. It should be short enough and clear enough, so that you can shout it across a street or meeting room, and have people remember it correctly. Also make sure that the extension is a ".com" or a ".biz". ".com" is what people type on autopilot, without thinking. That is the most valuable one. "biz" is memorable enough that it works nearly as well. The name registration cost is the same. We charge $12 for ".com", "biz", ".net", ".org" and some of the less useful ones that I don't recommend. To test memorability, sing a name in the shower. If it sounds silly or awkward, try something else. If it sounds good and does not make you stumble, or cringe, then you have a winner. I have recommended that for over ten years and it has helped countless people to find a good name. You can always Skype me and tell me what you have in mind, and I'll help you find a short and memorable name. Have FUN! DearWebby
A veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor. The doctor asked her all the usual questions, about symptoms, how long had they been occurring, etc., when she interrupted him: "Hey look, I'm a vet -- I don't need to ask my patients these kind of questions: I can tell what's wrong just by looking. Why can't you?" The doctor nodded, looked her up and down, wrote out a prescription, and handed it to her and said, "There you are. Of course, if that doesn't work, we'll have to have you put down."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Organizing Baby Clothes Quite often when you buy or are given baby or toddler clothes they come in outfits. A matching top and bottom, maybe even with a matching hat. One way to keep these items together is to fold them and put them in large zip-lock bags before putting them away. You will be able to easily see the outfit and the bags and be used over and over again.
drunk driver drives through Russian airport
____________________________________________________ A pastor went into the pulpit one Sunday morning wearing a pair of new bifocals. The reading portion of the glasses improved his vision considerably, but whenever he looked through the top portion of the glasses he got dizzy. He explained to the congregation that the new glasses were causing problems, then said, "I hope you will excuse my continually removing my glasses. You see when I look down I can see fine, but when I look at you, it makes me sick." ___________________________________________________
This is what Memorial Day is about, let us remember them.
On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we can sell at a profit. Mrs Beasly, please wake up your husband!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

A man's car breaks down right in front of a farm and he's trying to fix it when he hears a voice coming behind him, "You have water in the gas tank." The man turns around and all he sees is a cow from the farm. He goes back to his car and again the same voice says, "You have water in the gas tank." The man turns around again and he sees nothing and nobody except the cow, and the voice defintiely came from the cow, "You have water in the gas tank." The man is shocked so he knocks on the door of the farmer's house. When the farmer answers the door the man says, "The cow talked to me and said I had water in my gas tank. He can talk?" The farmer replied, "Ignore her, that cow barely understands Diesel engines and doesn't have a clue about gas engines."

Today, on May 30
1416 Jerome of Prague was burned as a heretic by the Church. 

1431 Joan of Arc was burned at the stake in Rouen, France, at
the age of 19. 

1539 Hernando de Soto, the Spanish explorer, landed in Florida
with 600 soldiers to search for gold. 

1814 The First Treaty of Paris was declared, which returned
France to its 1792 borders. 

1848 W.G. Young patented the ice cream freezer. 

1868 Memorial Day was observed widely for the first time in
the U.S. 

1883 Twelve people were trampled to death in New York City in
a stampede after a rumor that the Brooklyn Bridge was in
danger of collapsing. 

1896 The first automobile accident occurred in New York City. 

1903 In Riverdale, NY, the first American motorcycle hill
climb was held. 

1911 Ray Harroun won the first Indianapolis 500. At the time,
it was known as International 500-Mile Sweepstakes Race.
Harroun's average speed was 74.59 miles per hour. 

1912 The U.S. Marines were sent to Nicaragua to protect
American interests. 

1913 The First Balkan War ended. 

1921 The U.S. Navy transferred the Teapot Dome oil reserves to
the Department of the Interior. 

1933 Sally Rand introduced her exotic and erotic fan dance to
audiences at Chicago’s Century of Progress Exposition.

1943 American forces secured the Aleutian island of Attu from
the Japanese during World War II. 

1958 Unidentified soldiers killed in World War II and the
Korean conflicts were buried at Arlington National Cemetery. 

1967 Daredevil Evel Knievel jumped 16 automobiles in a row in
a motorcycle stunt at Ascot Speedway in Gardena, CA. 

1967 The state of Biafra seceded from Nigeria and Civil war

1971 Mariner 9, the American deep space probe blasted off on a
journey to Mars. 

1981 In Chittagong, Bangladesh, President Ziaur Rahman was

1982 Spain became the 16th NATO member. Spain was the first
country to enter the Western alliance since West Germany in

1983 Peru's President Fernando Belaunde Terry declared a state
of emergency and suspended civil rights after bombings by
leftist rebels. 

1989 The "Goddess of Democracy" statue (33 feet height) was
erected in Tiananmen Square by student demonstrators. 

1996 Britain's Prince Andrew and the former Sarah Ferguson
were granted an uncontested decree ending their 10-year

1997 Jesse K. Timmendequas was convicted in Trenton, NJ, of
raping and strangling a 7-year-old neighbor, Megan Kanka. The
1994 murder inspired "Megan's Law," requiring that communities
be notified when sex offenders move in. 

1998 A powerful earthquake hit northern Afghanistan killing up
to 5,000. 

2017  smiled.

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Head set or separate microphone? 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, May 29
Memorial Day in the USA: 
Honor those, who have died while in the military.

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
PT Cruiser stolen from man after he 
hires prostitute
Today, May 29 in
585 BC The first recorded prediction of a solar eclipse was
made in Greece. 2602 years ago they knew that Earth was round
and the sun was the center of the solar system, and how the
solar system worked. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ No man ever listened himself out of a job. --- Calvin Coolidge (1872 - 1933) There's no workman, whatsoever he be, that may both work well and hastily. --- Chaucer (c. 1343 - 1400) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ There were these two guys out hiking when they came upon an old, abandoned mine shaft. Curious about its depth they threw in a pebble and waited for the sound of it striking the bottom, but they heard nothing. They went and got a bigger rock, threw it in and waited. Still nothing. They searched the area for something larger and came upon a railroad tie. With great difficulty , the two men carried it to the opening and threw it in. While waiting for it to hit bottom, a goat suddenly darted between them and leapt into the hole! The guys were still standing there with astonished looks upon their faces from the actions of the goat when a man walked up to them. He asked them if they had seen a goat anywhere in the area and they said that one had just jumped into the mine shaft in front of them! The man replied, 'Oh no. That couldn't be *my* goat, mine was tied to a railroad tie.' _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Tsehainesh from Addis Ababa A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they drew. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like." Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by April Marie Phillips, 36, Jacksonvile, Florida PT Cruiser stolen from man after he hires prostitute A woman faces a charge of car theft after police said a man was assaulted Monday at a Jacksonville hotel. The victim said he met and picked up a suspected prostitute named April Marie Phillips, 36. The two of them went to get a room at the Scottish Inn on Phillips Highway. Once the man and Phillips approached the hotel room, an unknown man met the victim and Phillips outside the room. About five minutes after the three entered the room, the unknown man took the man's car keys, the police report said. The man asked for his keys back, but the unknown man and Phillips refused, police said. Police reported that the unknown man then punched the victim multiple times in the face and Phillips hit the victim in the back of the head. The victim said his cellphone was taken from him and that they tried to take his wallet. The victim said Phillips and the man kicked him several times while he was on the floor. Phillips and the unknown man fled in the victim's PT Cruiser, police said. The victim said called police after he woke up from passing out. The man was taken to St. Vincent's Hospital for possible broken ribs and facial injuries. Police said they found and arrested Phillips, who was standing in the Eagle Inn parking lot. As police questioned Phillips, they said she said that she knew what this was about. She said a guy picked her up for sex and drugs and said she had nothing else to say, police said. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Mario Re: Head Set or separate microphone? Dear Webby What is better for phone over the Internet, a headset or a separate microphone and earphones? Thanks Mario Dear Mario If you want to sound like a DJ or if you are participating in teleconferences, get a wireless lapel mike and a mike pre-amplifier with graphic equalizer, and a set of noise canceling cup type earphones. At the opposite end of the quality spectrum is a headset from the dollar store, complete with boom microphone and a too short 3 foot cord. A good compromise is $30 headset with boom mike, and an additional cord extension. 6 wire cords are often ridiculously overpriced and it pays to shop around for those. Otherwise you could wind up paying more for the extension cord than for the head set. Have FUN! DearWebby
Thanks to Billie for bringing back this classic: Thought you might like this one, Peace, Billie Two dogs were walking down the street. One dog says to the other, "Wait here a minute, I'll be right back." He walks across the street and sniffs this fire hydrant for about a minute, then walks back across the street. The other dog says, "What was that about?" The dog first dog says, "I was just checking my pee-mail."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Faux Stained Glass Windows By DOROTHY [3 Posts, 2 Comments] This is a new use for old windows. They took about 2 days to make. Paint the window frames and let dry. Be creative and paint the glass with stained glass paint. Once dry, glue the marbles to the glass then let the glue dry.
The better craft stores and catalogs have liquid stained glass, and leading in a tube. Draw your design on the glass with a pencil or crayon, then use the leading in a tube to draw the boundaries between the colors. With real stained glass that would be tinned or leaded copper foil. Then you make sure you don`t have any unintended breaks in the leading. After that you decide what colors to use in each field, and pour a few drops of that color into that field. The raised bead of leading will confine the color to that field. Depending on the picture you want to create, you can add a drop of modifier, like starburst, ice crystal, flames, etc. The modifiers don`t change the color, just the apparent texture. Half an hour later it is dry and done. I used to create a lot of those in my Hippy years. You can use liquid stained glass on real glass and on plexiglass. Quite often I sandwiched a plexiglass stained window to a real glass window. My favorite trick was to just do a foot high strip for the top of windows, so as not to obstruct the view, but create beautiful colored projections from the sun shining through. Have FUN! DearWebby
Mama bear chases motorists in Yellowstone National Park
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Dianne for this: The woman was in labor in the delivery room with her husband at her side coaching her just the way he learned in the Lamaze class. It seemed like an eternity before the doctor finally announced, "I've got the head now; just a few more minutes." "Is it a girl or boy?" the husband asked excitedly. The doctor replied, "At this age it's too hard to tell by the ears." ___________________________________________________
This is what Memorial Day is about, let us remember them.
Thanks to Mary F for this story: There were these two elderly people living in a Florida mobile home park. He was a widower and she a widow. They had known one another for a number of years. One evening there was a community supper in the big activity center. These two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal went on, he made a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered up his courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?" After precisely six seconds of careful consideration, she answered. "Yes, yes, I will." The meal ended and with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to their respective places. Next morning, he was troubled. "Did she say 'yes' or did she say 'no'?" He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall. Not even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her. First, he explained to her that he didn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As he gained a little more courage, he then inquired of her, "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'?" He was delighted to hear her say, "Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and I meant it with all my heart." Then she continued, "And I am so glad that you called, because I couldn't remember who had asked me.
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Jill, ever the gracious hostess, was serving drinks at one of her parties. A friend of hers brought his brother who had just been ordained a Priest. She offered the friend a drink from the tray and said, "I'm sorry Father, I'll go right back to the kitchen and bring you a coke." The Priest smiled and said "No need to. I may have alcohol. Priests abstain from sex, not the grape." "Oh !" said Jill blushing, "So that's it. I knew it was one or the other that I wasn't supposed to offer you."

Today, on May 29
585 BC The first recorded prediction of a solar eclipse was
made in Greece. 2602 years ago they knew that Earth was round
and the sun was the center of the solar system, and how the
solar system worked.

1453 Constantinople fell to Ottoman Sultan Mehmed II, ending
the Byzantine Empire. 

1660 Charles II was restored to the English throne after the
Puritan Commonwealth. 

1721 South Carolina was formally incorporated as a royal

1765 Patrick Henry denounced the Stamp Act before Virginia's
House of Burgesses. 

1827 The first nautical school opened in Nantucket, MA, under
the name Admiral Sir Isaac Coffin’s Lancasterian School. 

1849 A patent for lifting vessels was granted to Abraham

1910 An airplane raced a train from Albany, NY, to New York
City. The airplane pilot Glenn Curtiss won the $10,000 prize. 

1912 Fifteen women were dismissed from their jobs at the
Curtis Publishing Company in Philadelphia, PA, for dancing the
Turkey Trot while on the job. 

1916 The official flag of the president of the United States
was adopted. 

1916 U.S. forces invaded Dominican Republic and remained until

1922 Ecuador became independent. 

1922 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that organized baseball was
a sport, not subject to antitrust laws. 

1932 World War I veterans began arriving in Washington, DC. to
demand cash bonuses they were not scheduled to receive for
another 13 years. 

1951 C.F. Blair became the first man to fly over the North
Pole in single engine plane. 

1953 Edmund Hillary and Sherpa Tenzing Norgay became first men
to reach the top of Mount Everest and live. 

1973 Tom Bradley was elected the first black mayor of Los

1974 U.S. President Nixon agreed to turn over 1,200 pages of
edited Watergate transcripts. 

1985 Thirty-nine people were killed and 400 were injured in a
riot at a European Cup soccer match in Brussels, Belgium. 

1986 Colonel Oliver North told National Security Advisor
William McFarlane that profits from weapons sold to Iran were
being diverted to the Contras. 

1988 U.S. President Reagan began his first visit to the Soviet
Union in Moscow. 

1990 Boris Yeltsin was elected president of the Russian
republic by the Russian parliament. 

1997 The ruling party in Indonesia, Golkar, won the Parliament
election by a record margin. There was a boycott movement and
rioting that killed 200 people. 

1999 Space shuttle Discovery completed the first docking with
the International Space Station. 

2000 Fiji's military took control of the nation and declared
martial law following a coup attempt by indigenous Fijians in

2001 In New York, four followers of Osama bin Laden were
convicted of a global conspiracy to murder Americans. The
crimes included the 1998 bombings of two U.S. embassies in
Africa that killed 224 people. 

2001 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that disabled golfer Casey
Martin could use a cart to ride in tournaments. 

2015 The Obama adminstration removed Cuba from the U.S.
terrorism blacklist. The two countries had severed diplomatic
relations in January of 1961. 

2017  smiled.

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img...pdf in the subject line 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, May 25

Today I have to go to Calgary for injections 
into my eyeballs. That means no Friday, Saturday
or Sunday Newsletter.

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Colorado man arrested after castrating 
transgender woman for pay but without a license.
Today, May 25 in
585 BC The first recorded prediction of a 
solar eclipse was made in Greece. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man was in the hospital recovering from an operation when a nun walked into his room. She was there to cheer up the sick and ailing. The man and nun started talking and she asked about his life. He talked about his wife and 13 children. "My, my," said the nun, "13're a good, proper Catholic family. The Lord is very proud of you!" "I'm sorry, Sister," he said, "I am not Catholic. I'm Jewish." "Jewish!?" she replies. "'re a sex maniac, aren't you?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Doctor: "I see you're over a month late for your appointment. Don't you know that nervous disorders require prompt and regular attention? What's your excuse?" Patient: "I was just following your orders, Doc." Doctor: "Following my orders? What are you talking about? I gave you no such order." Patient: "You told me to avoid people who irritate me." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by James Pennington, 57, Denver, Colorado Colorado man arrested after castrating transgender woman for pay but without a license. A man without a medical license was arrested after allegedly using an Army surgical kit to remove the testicles of a transgender woman at her apartment, the Denver Police Department said. James Pennington, 57 of Denver, is alleged to have removed the testicles and sutured the opening while the woman's wife watched the 90-minute procedure on Wednesday, according to a probable cause statement. Pennington told the victim if any "complications" developed to call 911, according to the probable cause statement. The wife called 911 about 2 p.m. after blood was seeping from the incision. Paramedics said the testicles could not be reattached because of the time between the procedure and the call to 911, police said. A doctor with Medical Center of Aurora said the victim suffered serious bodily injury and "risk of permanent disfigurement," according to the statement. Pennington was interviewed by police on Thursday and, according to the probable cause statement, "confessed to completing this surgical procedure without medical license." Pennington was arrested for investigation of first-degree aggravated assault causing serious bodily injury. He is being held without bond. The Denver District Attorney's Office will make the final determination if charges will be filed. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Wanda Re: img ... pdf Dear Webby I got some emails with img, some numbers and then .pdf in the subject line. Naturally, I did not open them without asking you first. Are they safe? Thanks Wanda Dear Wanda No, they are NOT safe. Dump them, and dump them out of the trash. Nowadays, anything suspicious looking, dump it. There is no need to enclose a normal picture in a PDF If a friend or relative wants to bundle a bunch of pictures in a PDF, they would tell you about it, and not just list ONE picture, with .pdf tacked on. Have FUN! DearWebby
A college professor asked his class a question. "If Philadelphia is 100 miles from New York and Chicago is 1000 miles from Philadelphia and Los Angles is 2000 miles from Chicago, how old am I?" One student in the back of the class raised his hand and when Called upon said, "Professor you're 44.." The Professor said, "You're absolutely correct, but tell me, how did you arrive at the answer so quickly?" The student said, "You see professor, I have a brother; he's 22, and he's half nuts."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Making Rosemary Napkin Rings By ShirleyE [165 Posts, 104 Comments] For a lovely place setting which will also give off a wonderful herbal aroma to get your guests' taste buds going, use a wrap of rosemary around the serviettes (napkins) instead of a traditional napkin ring. Supplies: rosemary sprigs garden raffia or twine scissors hole punch paper Steps: Print out your guests' names. Alternatively you could write them if you prefer. Cut out each name and round off the corners to neaten them. Add a punched hole. Roll up a serviette (napkin) and wrap a rosemary sprig around it. Overlap the ends of the sprig and tie with raffia or string. Thread the name tag onto the raffia and make a final knot. Trim the ends of the raffia and arrange your setting.
If you dont have raffia, you can use the colorful, beaded pony-tail rubber bands. They are usually 25 / $ at the Dollar store and indefinitely reusable. No panic when grampa canèt open the knots on the raffia. Have FUN! DearWebby
Mama bear chases motorists in Yellowstone National Park
____________________________________________________ >From Wendy A retired older couple returned to a Mercedes dealership where the salesman has just sold the car they had been interested in to a beautiful, leggy, busty blonde in a mini skirt and a halter top. The old man was visibly upset. He spoke to the salesman sharply, "Young man, I thought you said you would hold that car till we raised the $55,000 asking price. Yet I just overheard you close the deal for $45,000 to the lovely young lady there. And if I remember right, you had insisted there was no way you could discount this model." The salesman took a deep breath, cleared his throat and reached for a large glass of water. "Well, what can I tell you? She had the cash ready, didn't need any financing help, and, Sir, just look at her, how could I resist?", replied the grinning salesman sheepishly. Just then the young woman approached the senior couple and gave the car keys to the old man. "There you go," she said. "I told you I could get that schmuck to lower the price. See you later Dad, Happy Father's day." ___________________________________________________
A woman breaks into what she thought was an abandoned house only to get the shock of her life.
A commercial property owner has three shops in a row, all for rent. The first prospective lessee shows up, and says he wants to rent the shop on the left. The owner says, "Fine, what kind of shop do you have?" The guy says, "A menswear shop." The owner tells him he gets free signage, and asks what he wants on the sign. "Menswear," says the man. A second guy comes along and wants to let the right hand shop. When asked he says he wants "Menswear" on his sign. The owner tells him that the lefthand shop will be the same. "No problem," says the man. Finally a third man comes along to rent the middle shop. The owner is most concerned because this guy also has a menswear shop. Rather wearily the owner asks him what he wants on his sign. The guy replies: "Entrance."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Thanks to Ross for this story: A Jewish couple is sitting together on an airplane flying to The Far East. Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and this plane will be going down. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us that should be able to accommodate our landing. A few minutes later the plane lands safely on the island. After touring the island the captain announced to the passengers that the odds are that we will never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives." Morris turns to his wife and asks, "Esther, did we pay our charity pledge to the Yeshiva yet?" "No, Morris," she responds. Morris smiles and then asks, "Esther, did we pay our United Jewish Appeal pledge?" "Oy, no! I haven't sent the check," she says. Now Morris laughs out loud. "One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send our Temple Building Fund check this month," he asks? "Oy, Morris, I haven't sent that one, either." says Esther. Now, Morris is practically choking with laughter. Esther asks Morris, “So? What are you laughing about?" Morris answers confidently, "They'll find us."

Today, on May 25
585 BC The first recorded prediction of a solar eclipse was
made in Greece. 

1085 Alfonso VI took Toledo, Spain from the Moslems. 

1787 The Constitutional convention opened in Philadelphia with
George Washington presiding. 

1810 Argentina declared independence from Napoleonic Spain. 

1844 The gasoline engine was patented by Stuart Perry. 

1844 The first telegraphed news dispatch, sent from
Washington, DC, to Baltimore, MD, appeared in the Baltimore

1895 Oscar Wilde, a playwright, poet and novelist, was
convicted of a morals charge and sentenced to prison in

1925 John Scopes was indicted for teaching the Darwinian
theory in school. 

1927 Ford Motor Company announced that the Model A would
replace the Model T. 

1927 The "Movietone News" was shown for the first time at the
Sam Harris Theatre in New York City. 

1946 Jordan gained independence from Britain. 

1953 In Nevada, the first atomic cannon was fired. 

1961 America was asked by U.S. President Kennedy to work
toward putting a man on the moon before the end of the decade.

1963 The Organization of African Unity was founded, in Addis
Ababa, Ethiopia. 

1968 The Gateway Arch, part of the Jefferson National
Expansion Memorial in St. Louis, MO, was dedicated. 

1970 Boeing Computer Services was founded. 

1977 "Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope" opened and became the
largest grossing film to date. 

1977 An opinion piece by Vietnam verteran Jan Scruggs appeared
in "The Washington Post." The article called for a national
memorial to "remind an ungrateful nation of what it has done
to its sons" that had served in the Vietnam War. 

1979 An American Airlines DC-10 crashed during takeoff at
Chicago's O'Hare International Airport. 275 people were

1981 Daredevil Daniel Goodwin scaled Chicago's Sears Tower,
while wearing a "Spiderman" costume, in 7 1/2 hours. 

1983 "The Return of the Jedi" opened nationwide. It set a new
record in opening day box office sales. The gross was

1985 Bangladesh was hit with a hurricane and tidal wave that
killed more than 11,000 people. 

1989 The Calgary Flames won their first NHL Stanley Cup by
defeating the Montreal Canadiens. 

1996 In Nimes, France, Christina Sanchez became the first
woman to achieve the rank of matadore in Europe. 

1997 In Sierra Leone a military coup overthrew the popularly
elected President Ahmad Tejan Kabbah. He was replaced with
Major Johnny Paul Koromah. 

1997 Poland adopted a constitution that removed all traces of

1999 A report by the U.S. House of Representatives Select
Committee on U.S. National Security and Military/Commercial
Concerns with the People's Republic of China concluded that
China had "stolen design information on the U.S. most-advanced
thermonuclear weapons" and that China's penetration of U.S.
weapons laboratories "spans at least the past several decades
and almost certainly continues today." 

2000 The Walt Disney Co. and Time Warner Inc. signed a long-
term deal that ended a dispute over the airing policies of
Time Warner. Time Warner had blacked out Disney programs for a
39 hour period the previous month due to the lack of an

2001 Erik Weihenmayer, 32, of Golden, CO, became the first
blind climber to reach the summit of Mount Everest. 

2001 Sherman Bull, 64, of New Canaan, CT, became the oldest
climber to reach the summit of Mount Everest. 

2006 In Houston, former Enron Corp. chiefs Kenneth Lay and
Jeffrey Skillinng were convicted of conspiracy and fraud for
the downfall of Enron. 

2008 NASA's Phoenix Mars Lander landed in the arctic plains of

2009 North Korea announced that it had conducted a second
successful nuclear test in the province of North Hamgyong. The
United Nations Security Council condemned the reported test. 

2017  smiled.

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Where to learn HTML? 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, May 24

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida Muslim convert killed roommates over 
disrespect to his faith
Today, May 24 in
1689 The English Parliament passed Act of Toleration,
protecting Protestants. Roman Catholics were specifically
excluded from exemption. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree upon. --- Napoleon Bonaparte (1769 - 1821) A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject. --- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965) Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. --- Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Some teachers at state universities get to know our students fairly well. One instructor told his communications class of his plans to propose marriage. A student spoke up and said that he had recently asked his girlfriend to marry him as well. "What was her answer?" the instructor asked. I don't know yet," the student replied. "She hasn't e-mailed me back yet." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to the folks from Erie for this: A Somali arrives in Minneapolis as a new immigrant to the United States. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, "Thank you Mr. American for letting me in this country!" But the passer-by says "You are mistaken, I am Mexican." The man goes on and encounters another passer-by. "Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in America!" The person says, "I no American, I Vietnamese." The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says, "Thank you for the wonderful America!" That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Syria, I am not an American!" He finally sees a nice lady and asks suspiciously, "Are you an American?" She says, "No, I am from Russia!" So he is puzzled, and asks her, "Where are all the Americans?" The Russian lady looks at her watch, shrugs, and says... "Probably at work." ______________________________________________________ Splitrock lighthouse in Minnesota by Rochelle Soukup on "We Love Lighthouses" _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Devon Arthurs, 18, Tampa, Floriduh Florida Muslim convert killed roommates over disrespect to his faith Tampa police say a double homicide suspect told them he killed two roommates because they disrespected his Muslim faith. During an interview, 18-year-old Devon Arthurs admitted to the shooting deaths of Jeremy Himmelman and Andrew Oneschuk, and said they all used to be friends and shared neo-Nazi beliefs. Arthurs says he later converted to Muslim, and became angry with the world’s anti-Muslim sentiment. He told police he wanted to bring attention to his cause. The double homicide happened Friday night on Amberly Drive in New Tampa. Tampa police were called to the Green Planet Smoke Shop and say Arthurs was holding three people at gunpoint. According to the police report, Arthurs told them he killed someone and was upset over America bombing his Muslim countries. When police showed up, they convinced Arthurs to let the hostages go and eventually handcuffed him. The police report says Arthurs then made references to, “Allah Mohammed!” and told police, “I had to do it. This wouldn’t have had to happen if your country didn’t bomb my country.” Interesting to note that the bonehead referred to the US as "YOUR country" and ISIS controlled areas as "his country". While he was being arrested, Arthurs told an officer people in an apartment were dead. The suspect led police to the apartment at The Hamptons at Tampa Palms Apartments on Amberly Drive. Responding officers found a man crying outside the door in full U.S. Army camouflage. Arthurs told police the man was his roommate and said, “He doesn’t know what’s going on and just found them like you guys did.” Police found two men, later identified as Himmelman and Oneschuk, dead inside the apartment from gunshot wounds. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Tam Re: Where can I learn HTML? Dear Webby I was wondering where I could learn to use HTML ? thanks Tam Dear Tam Look at the right side-menu. There, about half way down, is a link to Free HTML course Click on that! It takes you to Its totally free, no spyware, no pop-ups, no hassle. Just an excellent "at-your-own-pace" HTML course. And it is really easy. Have FUN! DearWebby
An old fellow came into the hospital truly on death's door due to an infected gallbladder. The surgeon who removed the gallbladder was adamant that his patients be up and walking in the hall the day after surgery, to help prevent blood clots forming in the leg veins. The nurses walked the patient in the hall as ordered, and after the third day the nurse told how he complained bitterly each time they did. The surgeon told them to keep walking him. After a week, the patient was ready to go. His family came to pick him up and thanked the surgeon profusely for what he had done for their father. The surgeon was pleased and appreciated the thanks, but told them that it was really a simple operation and we had been lucky to get him in time. "But doctor, you don't understand," they said, "Dad hasn't walked in over ten years!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Companion Plants for Growing Vegetables This table is way too long to print here, so here is the link to the original: Companion Plants
Lighthouse shift change
____________________________________________________ Two youngsters were closely examining bathroom scales on display at the department store. "Have you ever seen one of these before?" one asked. "Yeah, my mom have one," replied.. "What's it for?" "It's a cussing machine," answered. "Every time mom stands on it, she gets really mad and starts cussing." ___________________________________________________
A woman breaks into what she thought was an abandoned house only to get the shock of her life.
Two deaf men were in a coffee shop discussing their wives. One signs to the other, boy was my wife mad at me last night! She went on and on and wouldn't stop! The other Buddy says when my wife goes off on me, I just don't listen. How do you do that? asks the other. It's easy! I take off my glasses!
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Thanks to Roland for this story: Little Tony was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her, "Grandma, what is that called when people are sleeping on top of each other?" She was a little taken aback, but decided to tell him the truth..."It's called sexual intercourse, darling." Little Tony just said, "Oh, OK" and went back outside to talk and play with the other kids. A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, "Grandma, it is not called sexual intercourse! It's called Bunk Beds!"

Today, on May 24
1610 Sir Thomas Gates institutes "laws divine moral and
marshal," a harsh civil code for Jamestown. 

1624 After years of unprofitable operation Virginia’s charter
was revoked and it became a royal colony. 

1689 The English Parliament passed Act of Toleration,
protecting Protestants. Roman Catholics were specifically
excluded from exemption. 

1738 The Methodist Church was established. 

1764 Bostonian lawyer James Otis denounced "taxation without
representation" and called for the colonies to unite in
demonstrating their opposition to Britain’s new tax measures. 

1798 Believing that a French invasion of Ireland was imminent,
Irish nationalists rose up against the British occupation. 

1816 Emamual Leutze was born in Germany. He was most famous
for his paintings "Washington Crossing the Delaware" and
"Columbus Before the Queen". 

1822 At the Battle of Pichincha, Bolivar secured independence
of the Quito. 

1830 The first passenger railroad service in the U.S. began

1844 Samuel F.B. Morse formally opened America's first
telegraph line. The first message was sent from Washington,
DC, to Baltimore, MD. The message was "What hath God wrought?"

1859 Charles Gounod's "Ave Maria" was performed by Madame
Caroline Miolan-Carvalho for the first time in public. 

1863 Bushwackers led by Captain William Marchbanks attacked a
U.S. Federal militia party in Nevada, Missouri. 

1878 The first American bicycle race was held in Boston. 

1881 About 200 people died when the Canadian ferry Princess
Victoria sank near London, Ontario. 

1883 After 14 years of construction the Brooklyn Bridge was
opened to traffic. 

1899 The first public garage was opened by W.T. McCullough. 

1913 The U.S. Department of Labor entered into its first
strike mediation. The dispute was between the Railroad Clerks
of the New York, New Haven and Hartford Railroad. 

1930 Amy Johnson became the first woman to fly from England to

1931 B&O Railroad began service with the first passenger train
to have air conditioning throughout. The run was between New
York City and Washington, DC. 

1935 The Cincinnati Reds played the Philadelphia Phillies in
the first major league baseball game at night. The switch for
the floodlights was thrown by U.S. President Franklin

1941 The HMS Hood was sunk by the German battleship Bismarck
in the North Atlantic. Only three people survived. 

1954 The first moving sidewalk in a railroad station was
opened in Jersey City, NJ. 

1958 United Press International was formed through a merger of
the United Press and the International News Service. 

1961 The Freedom Riders were arrested in Jackson, Mississippi.

1967 California Governor Ronald Reagan greeted Charles M.
Schulz at the state capitol in observance of the legislature-
proclaimed "Charles Schulz Day." 

1976 Britain and France opened trans-Atlantic Concorde service
to Washington. 

1983 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the federal government
had the right to deny tax breaks to schools that racially

1986 Montreal won its 23rd National Hockey League (NHL)
Stanley Cup championship. 

1990 The Edmonton Oilers won their fifth National Hockey
League (NHL) Stanley Cup. 

1993 The Ethiopian province of Eritrea declared itself an
independent nation. 

1994 The four men convicted of bombing the New York's World
Trade Center were each sentenced to 240 years in prison. 

1999 39 miners were killed in an underground gas explosion in
the Ukraine. 

2000 Five people were killed and two others wounded when two
gunmen entered a Wendy's restaurant in Flushing, Queens, New
York. The gunmen tied up the victims in the basement and then
shot them. 

2000 The U.S. House of Representatives approved permanent
normal trade relations with China. China was not happy about
some of the human rights conditions that had been attached by
the U.S. lawmakers. 

2000 A Democratic Party event for Al Gore in Washington
brought in $26.5 million. The amount set a new record, which
had just been set the previous month by Republicans for Texas
Gov. George W. Bush. 

2001 Temba Tsheri, 15, became the youngest person to reach the
summit of Mount Everest. 

2011 NASA announced the development of the Orion Multi-Purpose
Crew Vehicle (MPCV) spacecraft. It is intended to facilitate
exploration of the Moon, asteroids and Mars. 

2017  smiled.

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Find the value of an old bat 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, May 23

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida Shooter Poops On His Arrest Warrant
Today, May 23 in
1430 Joan of Arc was captured by Burgundians. 
She was then sold to the English. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Education... has produced a vast population able to read but unable to distinguish what is worth reading. --- G. M. Trevelyan (1876 - 1962) Though music oft hath such a charm to make bad good, and good provoke to harm. --- William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616) It isn't what you know that counts, it's what you think of in time. --- Benjamin Franklin ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ While teaching children about world religions, a teacher asked her students to bring a symbol of their family's faith to class. The next day, she asked each student to come forward and share the symbol with the class. The 1st child said, "I'm Muslim, and this is my prayer rug." The 2nd child said, "I'm Jewish, and this is my family's menorah." The 3rd child said, "I'm Roman Catholic, and this is my Mom's rosary." The 4th child said, "I'm Greek Orthodox, and this is an icon of my patron saint." The 5th child said, "I'm Southern Baptist, and this is my casserole dish." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ TEACHER: tester, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have 10 years ago. : Me! ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Demetrius Vidale, 24, Deerfield Beach, Floriduh Florida Shooter Poops On His Arrest Warrant Being accused of a crime is pretty crappy, but that’s no reason to poop on a search warrant. That’s what a Florida man accused of shooting at a Deerfield Beach deputy allegedly did while his paperwork was being processed, according to the Broward County Sheriff’s Office. Demetrius Vidale, 24, was arrested Tuesday in connection with a shootout that took place at about 3 a.m. Monday near Tropicante Nightclub, according to the Miami Herald. Authorities accuse Vidale of shooting and robbing club-goer Jordan Harris, who is expected to recover. In addition, Vidale allegedly shot at Broward Sheriff’s deputy Derrick Nesbitt, who was responding to reports of gunshots. The deputy fired back but wasn’t injured, according to WSVN TV. Vidale managed to elude capture until the next day, when he was apprehended while driving in Fort Lauderdale. Now Vidale has been charged with attempted first-degree murder, attempted murder of a law enforcement officer, armed robbery, obstructing a police officer executing a search warrant and driving with a revoked license, according to the criminal complaint. But it’s what Vidale allegedly did while in custody thats really raising a stink. When officers pulled over Vidale, they served him with a search warrant to get his DNA in order to match him to the crime scene. Vidale refused to let officers take his picture, fingerprints or DNA, claiming a judge had "no jurisdiction over him," according to the Florida Sun-Sentinel. However, while Vidales paperwork was being processed, he allegedly went into the bathroom and dumped a whole bunch of DNA ? or "defecation not appreciated" ? on the warrant, according to WSVN-TV. Vidale appeared in court on Wednesday where he chose to represent himself and to argue with the judge, the Sun- Sentinel reports. Jail records show Vidale remains behind bars at the Broward County Main Jail. Until he recognizes the jurisdiction of the judge, the judge cant grant him bail anyway. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Chris Re: Value of Bat Dear Webby A friend is moving out of her home and came across this old bat she has had for years. It's numbered 'LL797' and is in great condition. Anyone know where to find out about such things for her? Thanks in advance, Chris Dear Chris I am more familiar with DOS bats than wooden ones. So, your friend has "bats in the attic" ? I wonder if you know what that phrase means around here ? All joking aside, the easiest way to find out if it is worth more than firewood, is to take a picture of it and post it on e-bay. If nobody bids on it, give it to a kid in exchange for mowing the lawn or weeding the driveway. Have FUN! DearWebby
Little Johnny wasn't very good at spelling. During an oral spelling exam, the teacher wrote the word "new" on the blackboard. "Now," she asked Johnny, "what word would we have if we placed a "K" in the front?" After a moment's reflection, Johnny smiled and belted out: "Canoe!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Peony Bushes Not Blooming By Frank [4 Posts, 20 Comments] If they are not setting buds then they are planted to deep. Peony need to be planted shallow. If you can see some of the root when planting that is ok. So you need to break up the roots and replant. You will probably have plants left over to give away. The earlier post is correct on the ants. Ants help them to bloom. Frank
Make sure the peonies have ants. They need them to produce flowers. As long as they have ants, they are as hardy as rhubarb. Mowing them in late summer also seems to help. Have FUN! DearWebby
wrestling match between 4-year-old girl and boy
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Lynn for this one: I have the most marvelous recipe for meat loaf! All I have to do is mention it to my husband and he says, "Let's eat out!" ___________________________________________________
Guinea Pigs With Luscious Locks to Die For
It was "sharing time" in a kindergarten full of bright children. The teacher was presiding over a discussion about the children's parents. One child said, "Well, my mother's a Catholic and my father's Jewish." "Oh, wow!" said another. "So what do you believe?" "I believe in everything," said the first child. "What do you mean 'everything'?" asked another child. "Well, you know," said the first child, "Jesus Christ, Moses, Snow White, the Tooth Fairy, Santa, the Easter Bunny, everything!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

>From Don When we moved into our new home, the first one we owned rather than rented, two of my husband's friends gave him a bottle of champagne. In the hustle and bustle of getting settled, the gift was tucked away and temporarily forgotten. Three months later we held a Christening party for our third child. Champagne flowed in celebration until, running short, we remembered our housewarming gift. In front of our guests, I opened the attached card and read it aloud, "Donald, take good care of this one. This one is yours!"

Today, on May 23

1430 Joan of Arc was captured by Burgundians. She was then
sold to the English. 

1533 Henry VIII’s marriage to Catherine of Aragon was declared
null and void. 

1618 The Thirty Years War began when three opponents of the
Reformation were thrown through a window. 

1701 In London, Captain William Kidd was hanged after being
convicted of murder and piracy. 

1785 Benjamin Franklin wrote in a letter that he had invented

1827 The first US nursery school was established in New York

1873 Canada's North West Mounted Police force was established.
The organization's name was changed to Royal Canadian Mounted
Police in 1920. 

1895 The New York Public Library was created with an agreement
that combined the city's existing Astor and Lenox libraries. 

1901 American forces captured Filipino rebel leader Emilio

1908 Part of the Great White Fleet arrived in Puget Sound, WA.

1915 During World War I, Italy switched sides and joined the

1926 The French captured the Moroccan Rif capital. 

1934 In Bienville Parish, LA, Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow
were ambushed and killed by Texas Rangers. The bank robbers
were riding in a stolen Ford Deluxe. 

1937 Industrialist John D. Rockefeller died. 

1938 "LIFE" magazine’s cover pictured Errol Flynn as a glamour

1945 In Luneburg Germany, Heinrich Himmler, the head of the
Nazi Gestapo, committed suicide while imprisoned by the Allied

1949 The Republic of West Germany was established. 

1960 Israel announced the capture of Nazi Adolf Eichmann in

1981 In Barcelona, Spain, gunmen seized control of the Central
Bank and took 200 hostages. 

1985 Thomas Patrick Cavanagh was sentenced to life in prison
for trying to sell Stealth bomber secrets to the Soviet Union.

1995 The Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City
was demolished. 

1998 British Protestants and Irish Catholics of Northern
Ireland approved a peace accord. 

1999 In Kansas City, MO, Owen Hart (Blue Blazer) died when he
fell 90 feet while being lowered into a WWF wrestling ring. He
was 33 years old. 

1999 Gerry Bloch, at age 81, became the oldest climber to
scale El Capitan in Yosemite National Park. He broke his own
record that he set in 1986 when he was 68 years old. 

2013 Google acquired Makani Power for use for its Project

2017  smiled.

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Phishing at the PayPal Pool 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, May 22

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman in labor smokes crack, 
leaves newborn in yard
Today, May 22 in
1955 A scheduled dance to be headlined by Fats Domino 
was canceled by police in Bridgeport, Connecticut 
because "rock and roll dances might be featured." 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it. --- Ronald Reagan (1911 - 2004) According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful. ---Jay Leno ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Malcolm: The other day I was playing golf and saw an unusual thing. A golfer became so mad that he threw his brand new set of golf clubs into the lake. A few minutes later he came back, waded into the lake, and retrieved his clubs. He proceeded to take his car keys out of the bag -- then threw the clubs back into the water. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Dad gives some advice to his son before his first real date. "Son, when you pick up your date later, make sure you have some flowers or chocolates to give her. Girls go crazy over that stuff. The more you give, the more you get! It's an exchange thing." So, the son showed up for his date with flowers. She was very flattered and pleased, and she rewarded him with a long, passionate kiss. She pressed her chest against him and rubbed her fingers through his hair,.... hoping to give him the best kiss that he had ever received. After the kiss, he turned and bolted for the door. "Oh! I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to scare you away." "You didn't!" he replied. "I'll be right back. There are still TONS of flowers at the cemetery a couple of blocks south of here." ______________________________________________________ Whoever sent this one to me, years ago, Thank You! _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Katrina Kegelman, 24, Clearwater, Floriduh Florida woman in labor smokes crack, leaves newborn in yard A pregnant Florida woman was arrested for allegedly smoking crack cocaine while in labor and leaving her newborn outside, police said. Katrina Kegelman, 24, of Clearwater, gave birth Monday night at her home and left the baby in the back yard, according to the Tampa Bay Times. A friend “noticed blood on Kegelman’s pants” and called 911, the Times reported. Kegelman finally motioned to firefighters that the newborn was hidden in the yard, police said. Kegelman told police she lied about the child because she was afraid of getting arrested for “having smoked crack moments before giving birth,” the Times reported. Kegelman faces a child neglect charge. The infant is well, according to police. In most places use of crack, cocaine, or heroin during late pregnancy results in automatic confiscation and adoption of the infant by Protective Services and automatic child neglect charges. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Bonnie Re: phishing at the PayPal pond Dear Webby I know you've touched on correspondence from PayPal in the past, but of course, I don't remember what you said! I received a notice to update my info with them today at the link below (which is in German, by the way, when I click on it). Any thoughts on whether they're who they say they are? The msge said to update by Aug 2 or my account will go into suspension. I know your knowledge is vast; maybe you can help me. Thanks! PS. It would not hurt to post a heads-up to the newsletter. Bonnie Dear Dear Bonnie That's just some crooks trying to con you into giving them your PayPal password and info. PayPal will NEVER ask you for that info. They already know it! The same goes for Ebay or any bank. Forward PayPal spoofs to If you do feel compelled to fill it out, use totally bogus info. If some politician sends you junkmail, use his or her name and email address, and make up the rest of the info. It will just waste the crook's time, since it is highly unlikely that you correctly guess that politician's password. (unless you type in "password") Have FUN! DearWebby
A minister was asked to inform a man with a heart condition that he had just inherited a million dollars. Everyone was afraid the shock would give him a heart attack. So the minister went to the man's house and said, "Joe, what would you do if you inherited a million dollars?" And Joe said, "Well, pastor, I think I would give half of it to the church." At which the pastor fell over dead.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Altoid Tin to Hold Business Cards By Judy Pariser S. [286 Posts, 2,665 Comments] The Altoid tin is the perfect size to hold business cards. I like to keep cards of recommended people like plumbers and electricians before I need them. The tin keeps everything neat and in one place. Comment: By Sandi/Poor But Proud [600 Posts, 2,474 Comments] Great tip. I also get the 12 packs of waxy ear plugs from Walmart. The container is the best size for cards and you can see them as well.
Eagles take out drones!
____________________________________________________ There was a fairly wealthy 70 year-old man who had just married a beautiful 25-year-old young lady. One of his long time friends said to him, "How did you get that gorgeous woman to marry a 70 year-old guy like you?" The man leaned over and whispered to his friend, "It was easy. I simply told her that I was 90 and had heart problems, and she instantly fell in love with me." ---------- I`ll keep that in mind just in case I ever get fairly wealthy when I turn 70! ___________________________________________________
In search of America's darkest skies.
"I'm telling you, Carol, I've never been happier, " Betty told her friend. "I have two boyfriends. One is just fabulous,...handsome, attentive, sensitive, caring and considerate." What in the world do you need the second one for?" Carol asked?" "Oh," Betty replied, "the other one is straight."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

>From Linda For many years I worked as a receptionist and switchboard operator at a busy company. After a good annual review, my supervisor told me I was up for a raise, pending approval of the vice president. A month later, my supervisor called me into his office and told me the VP had refused to approve the raise. His reason? I clearly wasn't doing my job. Every time he saw me, I was either chatting with someone in the lobby or talking on the phone. So I started doing the work for my Internet home business while on the job, and at the next review, got my raise.

Today, on May 22

1246 Henry Raspe was elected anti-king by the Rhenish prelates
in France. 

1455 King Henry VI was taken prisoner by the Yorkists at the
Battle of St. Albans, during the War of the Roses. 

1570 Abraham Ortelius published the first modern atlas in

1761 In Philadelphia, the first life insurance policy was
issued in the U.S. 

1819 The steamship Savannah became the first to cross the
Atlantic Ocean. 

1841 Henry Kennedy received a patent for the first reclining

1849 Abraham Lincoln received a patent for the floating dry

1868 Near Marshfield, IN, The "Great Train Robbery" took
place. The robbery was worth $96,000 in cash, gold and bonds
to the seven members of the Reno gang. 

1872 The Amnesty Act restored civil rights to Southerners. 

1882 The U.S. formally recognized Korea. 

1891 The first public motion picture was given in Thomas
Edison's lab. 

1892 Dr. Washington Sheffield invented the toothpaste tube. 

1900 The Associated Press was incorporated as a non-profit
news cooperative in New York. 

1900 A. DeVilbiss, Jr. patented his pendulum-type computing

1900 Edwin S. Votey received a patent for the pianola (a
pneumatic piano player). It could be attached to any piano. 

1906 The Wright brothers received a patent their flying

1939 Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini signed a military
alliance between Germany and Italy known as the "Pact of

1947 The Truman Doctrine was enacted by the U.S. Congress to
appropriate military and economic aid for Turkey and Greece. 

1955 A scheduled dance to be headlined by Fats Domino was
canceled by police in Bridgeport, Connecticut because "rock
and roll dances might be featured." 

1955 Jack Benny did his last live network radio broadcast
after a run of 23 years. He devoted his time fully to TV. 

1969 A lunar module of Apollo 10 flew within nine miles of the
moon's surface. The event was a rehearsal for the first lunar

1972 U.S. President Nixon became the first U.S. president to
visit Russia. He met with Soviet leader Leonid Brezhnev.

1972 The island Ceylon adopted a new constitution and became
the republic of Sri Lanka. 

1977 Janet Guthrie set the fastest time of the second weekend
of qualifying, becoming the first woman to earn a starting
spot in the Indianapolis 500 since its inception in 1911. 

1986 Sylvester Stallone agreed to a 10-picture, six-year deal
with United Artists. He signed for a reported $15 million for
each film. 

1990 In the Middle East, North and South Yemen merged to
become a single state known as the Republic of Yemen. 

1990 Microsoft released Windows 3.0. 

1997 Kelly Flinn, the U.S. Air Force's first female bomber
pilot certified for combat, accepted a general discharge. She
thereby avoided court-martial on charges of adultery, lying
and disobeying an order. 

1998 New information came to light about the June 1996 bombing
that killed 19 American airmen. The information indicated that
Saudi citizens had been responsible and not Iranians as once

2002 Chandra Levy's remains were found in Washington, DC's
Rock Creek Park. She was last seen on April 30, 2001.
California Congressman Gary Condit was questioned in the case
due to his relationship with Levy. 

2002 In Birmingham, AL, a jury convicted former Ku Klux
Klansman Bobby Frank Cherry of murder in the 1963 church
bombing that killed four girls. 

2012 In Japan, the Tokyo Skytree tower opened. 

2017  smiled.

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Hex numbers for colors 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, May 21

Thank you all for your birthday greetings 
in email and on FB!

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Man wore Home Depot apron to 
steal air conditioners
Today, May 21 in
1471 King Henry VI was killed in the tower of London. 
Edward IV took the throne. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ You can only be young once. But you can always be immature. Dave Barry (1947 - ) Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example. --- Mark Twain ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Lyra My boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he went out and came back with a small sign that read, "I'm the Boss". He taped it to his office door. Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said. "Your wife called, she said she did not authorize that sign." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Computer Bumper Snickers Don't make me use uppercase. Get a Life? Cool! Where can I download one of them from? The truth is out there? Does anyone know the URL? ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Bernardo Calana, 53, Haverhill, Massachusetts Man wore Home Depot apron to steal air conditioners Police say a man donned an orange Home Depot apron and posed as an employee to steal air conditioners in New Hampshire. But a manager noticed the name on the garment didn’t match that of any worker at the store. Police arrested 53-year-old Bernardo Calana, of Haverhill, Massachusetts, on Saturday. WMUR-TV reports Calana loaded two air conditions into his pickup truck in Plaistow and went back inside. A manager noticed the apron with the name “Shannon” with flowers drawn on it and called police. Calana later told police he didn’t know anything about the air conditioners, but a Home Depot apron was found in his back pocket. Calana was released on bail. The voice mailbox for a listed phone number for him was full. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Lupita Re: Hex numbers for colors Dear Webby how do I get those hex numbers for colors on web pages, when I need a color that is in between colors that have proper names? Thanks Lupita Dear Lupita Ther are a few programs that will do that. The one I have been using for about 20 years is called colour.exe. You can download it from and save it right onto the desktop. It is a very small program, but works 100% reliably and has no unnecesary confusion. It is free. Have FUN! DearWebby
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and wandered in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter? Haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Hairy Monster Paperclip Bookmarks By ShirleyE [170 Posts, 107 Comments] Supplies: paper clips cord or yarn in different colours scissors strong glue small wiggle eyes Steps: Cut some cord into short lengths about 2 to 3 inches long. Fold them in half. Pass the loop end through a paper clip. Pass the cut ends through the loop and pull tight. Repeat twice more and trim with scissors. Glue the wiggle eyes in place. You can use pva glue for this, but it will take a long time to dry and won't hold for very long. A strong quick drying glue will work better. Try different hairstyles. Wait until the glue is properly dry before using to mark a page. You don't want to be sticking the pages together.
Some leftover yarn or wool pieces will keep visiting kids busy on a rainy aafternoon. A flexible rubber type glue works best and the collateral mess is easy to clean up. Have FUN! DearWebby
mpossible Wheel Climb
____________________________________________________ When my cousin, Tom, was at the police academy, prior to joining Chicago's finest, one of his instructors asked him during an oral exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?" He immediately replied, with conviction, "Call for back-up, LOTS of back-up." ___________________________________________________
People are Awesome-Best of the week!
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The husband said, " You are in charge of the cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." Wife replied, "No you should do it, and besides it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replied, " I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and shows him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says "HEBREWS"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Once upon a time, the only signs along rural highways were CocaCola billboards and Burma Shave signs nailed to fences. They have long been harvested by collectors. Here are some of the more memorable ones: ***Burma Shave*** BROTHER SPEEDER LET'S REHEARSE, ALL TOGETHER GOOD MORNING NURSE ***Burma Shave*** DON'T LOOSE YOUR HEAD TO GAIN A MINUTE YOU NEED YOUR HEAD YOUR BRAINS ARE IN IT *** Burma Shave*** DROVE TOO LONG DRIVER SNOOZING WHAT HAPPENED NEXT IS NOT AMUSING ***Burma Shave*** HUGGING ON HIGHWAY FAVORITE SPORT TRADE IN YOUR CAR FOR A DAVENPORT ***Burma Shave*** CAUTIOUS RIDER TO HER RECKLESS DEAR LET'S HAVE LESS BULL AND MORE STEER ***Burma Shave*** SPEED WAS HIGH WEATHER WAS NOT TIRES WERE THIN X MARKS THE SPOT ***Burma Shave*** THE MIDNIGHT RIDE OF PAUL FOR BEER LED TO A WARMER HEMISPHERE ***Burma Shave*** AROUND THE CURVE LICKETY-SPLIT IT'S A BEAUTIFUL CAR WASN'T IT? ***Burma shave*** NO MATTER THE PRICE NO MATTER HOW NEW THE BEST SAFETY DEVICE IN THE CAR IS YOU *** Burma Shave*** A GUY WHO DRIVES A CAR WIDE OPEN IS NOT THINKIN' HE'S JUST HOPIN' ***Burma Shave*** AT INTERSECTIONS LOOK EACH WAY A HARP SOUNDS NICE BUT ITS HARD TO PLAY ***Burma Shave*** BOTH HANDS ON THE WHEEL EYES ON THE ROAD THAT'S THE SKILLFUL DRIVER'S CODE ***Burma Shave*** THE ONE WHO DRIVES WHEN HE'S BEEN DRINKING DEPENDS ON YOU TO DO HIS THINKING ***Burma Shave*** CAR IN DITCH DRIVER IN TREE THE MOON WAS FULL AND SO WAS HE. ***Burma Shave*** DRUNKEN DRIVERS HERE'S YOUR CHANCE TO HOBBLE HOME IN AN AMBULANCE ***Burma Shave*** If You Drive While You're Drunk Carry Your Coffin In Your Trunk ***Burma Shave*** She Kissed The Hairbrush By Mistake She Thought It Was Her Husband Jake ***Burma Shave*** The Hero Was Strong And Willin' She Felt His Face And Married The Villain ***Burma Shave*** It Would Be More Fun To Go By Air But We Can't Hang These Signs Up There ***Burma Shave***

Today, on May 21
0996 Sixteen year old Otto III was crowned the Roman Emperor. 

1471 King Henry VI was killed in the tower of London. Edward
IV took the throne. 

1536 The Reformation was officially adopted in Geneva,

1542 Hernando de Soto died along the Mississippi River while
searching for gold. 

1602 Martha's Vineyard was first sighted by Captain
Bartholomew Gosnold. 

1790 Paris was divided into 48 zones. 

1819 Bicycles were first seen in the U.S. in New York City.
They were originally known as "swift walkers." 

1840 New Zealand was declared a British colony. 

1856 Lawrence, Kansas was captured by pro-slavery forces. 

1863 The siege of the Confederate Port Hudson, LA, began. 

1891 Peter Jackson and Jim Corbett fought for 61 rounds only
to end in a draw. 

1904 Fédération Internationale de Football Association (FIFA)
was founded. 

1906 Louis H. Perlman received his patent for the demountable
tire-carrying rim. 

1924 Fourteen-year-old Bobby Franks was murdered in a "thrill
killing" committed by Nathan Leopold Jr. and Richard Loeb. The
killers were students at the University of Chicago. 

1927 Charles A. Lindberg completed the first solo nonstop
airplane flight across the Atlantic Ocean. The trip began May

1929 The first automatic electric stock quotation board was
used by Sutro and Company of New York City. 

1934 Oskaloosa, IA, became the first city in the U.S. to
fingerprint all of its citizens. 

1947 Joe DiMaggio and five of his New York Yankee teammates
were fined $100 because they had not fulfilled contract
requirements to do promotional duties for the team. 

1956 The U.S. exploded the first airborne hydrogen bomb in the
Pacific Ocean over Bikini Atoll. 

1961 Governor Patterson declared martial law in Montgomery,

1968 The nuclear-powered U.S. submarine Scorpion, with 99 men
aboard, was last heard from. The remains of the sub were later
found on the ocean floor 400 miles southwest of the Azores. 

1970 The National Guard was mobilized to quell disturbances at
Ohio State University. 

1980 The movie "The Empire Strikes Back" was released. 

1982 The British landed in the Falkland Islands and fighting

1991 In Madras, India, the former prime minister, Rajiv Gandhi
was killed by a bouquet of flowers that contained a bomb. 

1998 An expelled student, Kipland Kinkel, in Springfield, OR,
killed 2 people and wounded 25 others with a semi-automatic
rifle. Police also discovered that the boy had killed his
parents before the rampage. 

1998 Microsoft and Sega announced that they are collaborating
on a home video game system. 

1998 In Miami, FL, five abortion clinics were hit by an
butyric acid-attacker.

2017  smiled.

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Print from PowerPoint 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, May 20

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
A Florida man allegedly set a new sheriff’s car 
on fire then called 911 twice to report it,
on stolen cell phone.
Today, May 20 in
1949 DearWebby was born
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ He's the kind of a guy who lights up a room just by flicking a switch. --- Socratex "A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself, to keep his friends in countenance." --- Benjamin Franklin "Trying to understand is like straining through muddy water. Be still and allow the mud to settle." --- Michelangelo Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they're going to catch you in next." --- Franklin P. Jones ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Ann for this one: FBI agents conducted a raid of a psychiatric hospital in San Diego that was under investigation for medical insurance fraud. After hours of reviewing thousands of medical records, the dozens of agents had worked up quite an appetite. The agent in charge of the investigation called a nearby pizza parlor with delivery service to order a quick dinner for his colleagues. The following telephone conversation took place and was recorded by the FBI because they were taping all conversations at the hospital. Agent: Hello. I'd like to order 19 large pizzas and 3 cases of soda. Pizza Man: And where would you like them delivered? Agent: We're over at the psychiatric hospital. Pizza Man: The psychiatric hospital? Agent: That's right. I'm an FBI agent. Pizza Man: You're an FBI agent? Agent: That's correct. Just about everybody here is. Pizza Man: And you're at the psychiatric hospital? Agent: That's correct. And make sure you don't go through the front doors. We have them locked. You'll have to go around to the back service entrance to deliver the pizzas. Pizza Man: And you say you're all FBI agents? Agent: That's right. How soon can you have them here? Pizza Man: Everyone at the psychiatric hospital is an FBI agent? Agent: That's right. We've been here all day and we're starving. Pizza Man: How are you going to pay for all of this? Agent: We’ve collected a pool of cash. Pizza Man: And you're all FBI agents? Agent: Yes. Pizza Man: With guns? Agent: That's right. Now, can you remember to bring the pizzas and sodas to the service entrance in the rear? We have the front doors locked. Pizza Man: No way. *Click* _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Ann for this joke: A Catholic priest and a nun were taking a rare afternoon off and enjoying a round of golf. The priest stepped up to the first tee and took a mighty swing. He missed the ball entirely and said "Damn, I missed." The good Sister told him to watch his language. On his next swing, he missed again. "Damn, I missed." "Father, I'm not going to play with you if you keep swearing", the nun said tartly. The priest promised to do better and the round continued. On the 4th tee, he misses again. The usual comment followed. Sister is really mad now and says, "Father John, God is going to strike you dead if you keep swearing like that." On the next tee, Father John swings and misses again. "Damn, I missed." A terrible rumble is heard and a gigantic bolt of lightning comes out of the sky and strikes Sister Marie dead in her tracks. And from the sky comes a booming voice, "Damn, missed again!." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Frederick Davis, 40, Daytona Beach, Floriduh A Florida man allegedly set a new sheriff’s car on fire then called 911 twice to report it, on stolen cell phone. A Florida man allegedly set a new sheriff’s car on fire then called 911 twice to report it, authorities said. Frederick Davis, 40, of Daytona Beach, was arrested Friday for an incident that happened in September of 2016, according to the Daytona Beach News-Journal. Volusia County Sheriff Mike Chitwood brought a patrol car in for service at an area gas station when Davis came along and allegedly set it on fire, the News-Journal reported. Davis then reportedly made two 911 calls on a stolen iPhone to report the crime, according to the Daytona Beach News-Journal. Davis faces a slew of charges including arson, burglary, and fleeing or attempting to elude charge. “He was taunting law enforcement,” Chitwood told the newspaper. “Now he got the welcome mat rolled out for him at the Seminole County jail.” ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Bob Re: Print from PowerPoint Dear Webby Is there a simple and quick way to print individual pages in a power point file? Bob S Dear Bob Just right click and select PRINT. That will print that slide. Have FUN! DearWebby
Thanks to Kris for this story: Jack wakes up at home with a huge hangover he can't believe. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Jack looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror, and notices a note on the table: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping-- Love you!" He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son...what happened last night?" "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door." "So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?" His son replies, "OH THAT!... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone,you silly broad, I'm married! I guess she likes it when you call her a silly broad."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Removing Hard Water Deposits from Faucets Litter Gitter [214 Posts, 681 Comments] I saw this tip in a video on the internet and had a chance to try it out on an old faucet that had years of calcium buildup on it. To remove calcium deposits on a faucet, wrap a cloth or small towel, that is soaked with white vinegar, around the faucet and let it sit for several hours. It will remove most of the calcium deposit. Afterwards, scrub with steel wool or a scrubbing pad to remove any that remains. In this case, I wrapped the vinegar soaked towel around the faucet and poured more vinegar on the towel and let it sit over night. I was surprised at the results when I removed the towel. I didn't have time to do any scrubbing with steel wool, but you can tell the difference just by looking at the photos that the white vinegar removed most of the calcium deposit.
In case you're confused by all the investigations
____________________________________________________ The computer is mightier than the pen, the sword, and occasionally, the programmer. Microsoft, it's not a bug! It's an undocumented feature. ___________________________________________________
Meet the Amazonian terminators, the most feared women in history.
Re: all that silly spam about making $$$$ fast... Are you REALLY interested in making $$$$ fast? Here's an incredibly simple way to do it, and there is nothing to buy, no investment to make, no money to lose! Try it now! Follow this simple procedure: 1) Hold down the shift key. 2) Hit the 4 key four times really fast.
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Do you know the difference between an Irishman and a Scotsman? Hmmmm, not really. A scotsman can say no to another beer, if it is his turn to buy a round.

Today, on May 20
0325 The Ecumenical council was inaugurated by Emperor
Constantine in Nicea, Asia Minor. 

1303 A peace treaty was signed between England and France over
the town of Gascony. 

1506 In Spain, Christopher Columbus died in poverty. 

1520 Hernando Cortez defeated Spanish troops that had been
sent to punish him in Mexico. 

1690 England passed the Act of Grace, forgiving followers of
James II. 

1674 John Sobieski became Poland’s first King. 

1774 Britain's Parliament passed the Coercive Acts to punish
the American colonists for their increasingly anti-British

1775 North Carolina became the first colony to declare its
independence. This is the date that is on the George state
flag even though the date of this event has been questioned. 

1784 The Peace of Versailles ended a war between France,
England, and Holland. 

1830 The fountain pen was patented by H.D. Hyde. 

1861 During the American Civil War, the capital of the
Confederacy was moved from Montgomery, AL, to Richmond, VA. 

1873 Levi Strauss began marketing blue jeans with copper

1899 Jacob German of New York City became the first driver to
be arrested for speeding. The posted speed limit was 12 miles
per hour. 

1902 The U.S. military occupation of Cuba ended. 

1902 Cuba gained its independence from Spain. 

1927 Charles Lindbergh took off from New York to cross the
Atlantic for Paris aboard his airplane the "Spirit of St.
Louis." The trip took 33 1/2 hours. 

1930 The first airplane was catapulted from a dirigible. 

1932 Amelia Earhart took off to fly solo across the Atlantic
Ocean. She became the first woman to achieve the feat. 

1939 The first telecast over telephone wires was sent from
Madison Square Garden to the NBC-TV studios at 30 Rockefeller
Center in Manhattan. The event was a bicycle race. 

1939 The first regular air-passenger service across the
Atlantic Ocean began with the take-off of the "Yankee Clipper"
from Port Washington, New York. The US stopped selling Helium
to Germany and discouraged flying with Zeppelins.

1941 Germany invaded Crete by air. 

1942 Japan completed the conquest of Burma. 

1949 DearWebby was born

1961 A white mob attacked the Freedom Riders in Montgomery,
AL. The event prompted the federal government to send U.S.

1969 U.S. and South Vietnamese forces captured Apbia Mountain,
which was referred to as Hamburger Hill. 

1970 100,000 people marched in New York supporting U.S.
policies in Vietnam. 

1978 Mavis Hutchinson, at age 53, became the first woman to
run across America. It took Hutchinson 69 days to run the
3,000 miles. 

1980 The submarine Nautilus was designated as a National
Historic Landmark by the U.S. Secretary of the Interior. 

1985 The FBI arrested U.S. Navy Chief Petty Officer John
Walker. Walker had begun spying for the Soviet Union in 1968. 

1990 The Hubble Space Telescope sent back its first

1996 The U.S. Supreme Court struck down a Colorado measure
banning laws that would protect homosexuals from

1999 At Heritage High School in Conyers, GA, a 15-year-old
student shot and injured six students. He then surrendered to
an assistant principal at the school. 

2010 Scientists announced that they had created a functional
synthetic genome. 

2010 Five paintings worth 100 million Euro were stolen from
the Musée d'Art Moderne de la Ville de Paris. 

2017  smiled.

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Clarifying pictures 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, May 19
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
MA drunk driver had Bearded Dragon lizard 
in her bra
href=""> Boneheads
Today, May 18 in
1568 After being defeated by the Protestants, 
Mary the Queen of Scots, fled to England where 
she was imprisoned by Queen Elizabeth. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Being in politics is like being a football coach. You have to be smart enough to understand the game, and dumb enough to think it's important. --- Eugene McCarthy Women should be obscene and not heard. --- Groucho Marx ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A father and son went hunting together for the first time. The father said, Stay here and be very QUIET. Ill be across the field. An hour later, the father heard a blood curdling scream and ran back to his son. "What's wrong?", the father asked. " I told you to be quiet!" The son answered, "Look, I was quiet when the snake slithered across my feet. I was quiet when the bear breathed down my neck. But when the two chipmunks crawled up my pant legs and said, 'Should we eat them here or take them with us?', I guess I just panicked." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ 2015 CALIFORNIA DRIVER'S LICENSE APPLICATION Name: ___________________ Stage Name: __________________ Agent: ___________________ Attorney: ____________________ Therapist's Name: _________________ Sex: [ ] Male [ ] Female*[ ] Formerly Male [ ] Formerly Female [ ] Both [ ] *If female, indicate breast implant size: _______ Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to safely operate a motor vehicle in any way? [ ] Yes [ ] No Please list brand of cell phone: ________. If you don't own a cell phone, please explain why you don't: ______________________________________________ (Use extra pages, if necessary) Please check hair color: Females: [ ] Blonde [ ] Platinum Blonde Teenagers: [ ] Red [ ] Orange [ ] Green [ ] Purple [ ] Blue [ ] Skinhead [ ] Other ___________ Please check activities you perform while driving: (Check all that apply) [ ] Eating [ ] Drinking Starbucks coffee [ ] Applying make-up [ ] Shaving (male or female) [X] Talking on the phone (already checked for your convenience) [ ] Lifting weights [ ] Slapping kids in the back-seat [ ] Applying cellulite treatment to thighs [ ] Tanning [ ] Snorting cocaine [ ] Watching TV [ ] Reading Variety [ ] Surfing the net via laptop [ ] Discharging firearms / reloading Please indicate how many times, while driving, you expect to: [ ] a) Shoot at other drivers ___ [ ] b) Be shot at ___ If you are the victim of a carjacking, you should immediately: [ ] a) Call the police to report the crime. [ ] b) Call Channel 9 News to report the crime, then watch your car on the news in a high- speed chase. [ ] c) Call your attorney and discuss lawsuit against cellular phone company for your 911 call not going through. [ ] d) Call your therapist. In the event of an earthquake, you should: [ ] a) Stop your car. [ ] b) Keep driving and hope for the best. [ ] c) Immediately use your cell phone to call all loved ones. [ ] d) Pull out your video camera and obtain footage for Channel 9. In the instance of rain, you should: [ ] a) Never drive over 5 MPH. [ ] b) Drive twice as fast as usual. [ ] c) You're not sure what "rain" is. Please indicate your current number of therapy sessions per week: ________ Are you presently taking any of the following medications? [ ] a) Prozac [ ] b) Zovirax [ ] c) Lithium [ ] d) Zanax [ ] e) Valium [ ] f) Medical pot [ ] g) Zoloft [ ] h) All of the above [ ] i) None of the above* *If none, please explain when you expect to get out of jail: __________________. Length of daily commute: [ ] a) Less than 1 hour* [ ] b) 1 hour [ ] c) 2 hours [ ] d) 3 hours [ ] e) 4 hours or more *If less than 1 hour, please explain where you are incarcerated: ____________________. When stopped by police, you should: [ ] a) Pull over and have your driver's license and insurance form ready. [ ] b) Try to outrun them by driving the wrong way on the freeway. [ ] c) Have your video camera ready and provoke them to attack, thus ensuring yourself of a hefty lawsuit profit. When you see a woman driver with her arm extended out the window, it means: [ ] a) Her turn-signals are broken. [ ] b) She is giving an indication she intends to change lanes. [ ] c) She is drying her nails. Which part of your car will wear out first? [ ] a) The wiper blades [ ] b) The seat belts [ ] c) The horn Automatic door locks are good for: [ ] a) Security [ ] b) Convenience [ ] c) Messing with the heads of people trying to get in. The "bright" setting on your headlights is for: [ ] a) Dark, poorly lit roads [ ] b) Flashing to get the car ahead to move out of the way [ ] c) Revenge Do you read English or Spanish? [ ] Yes [ ] No [ ] Don't know Do you recognize and understand any road signs other than McDonalds and Denny's? [ ] Yes [ ] No Has pot been legalized in California? [ ] Yes [ ] No [ ] Don't know [ ] Don't care Do you prefer cars with the turn signal factory pre-set for [ ] left [ ] right [ ] off Are your mirrors adjusted for [ ] checking make-up [ ] checking the kids in the back seat [ ] your bald rear tires [ ] missing If you see an old sneaker on the freeway, do you [ ] slam on the brakes and hope you can sue the turkeys who rear-end you [ ] swerve to nail it with your tire [ ] both If you are over the age of 75, you do not have to complete this test, you are entitled to drive even if you cannot see, hear, or move. If you can speak enough Spanglish to be able to pretend to be an illegal immigrant, then you don't need a drivers license. In that case, sign here: _____________ ______________________________________________________ Share _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by Moe: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Amy Rebello-McCarthy, 39, Newton, Massachusetts MA drunk driver had Bearded Dragon lizard in her bra A Massawhosits woman was found with an exotic lizard in her bra following a drunk driving arrest on Tuesday, police said. Amy Rebello-McCarthy, 39, of Newton, was charged with operating a motor vehicle under the influence of liquor, driving to endanger and a marked lane violation. Her car hit six mailboxes before it left the roadway and went onto a lawn — flattening all four tires and ripping off both bumpers —Tuesday afternoon on Staple Street in Taunton. "She came down here and went airborne," said Faith Adams, a witness who described the crash path into the mailboxes. When police arrived and approached Rebello-McCarthy, they said she began laughing. She was also slurring her words and at times drooling. Before she was transported to the police station, she told police that she had a bearded dragon in her bra. "You have to keep the lizard warm, they're cold blooded. That's why she carried it in her bra," Cindy Berglund, another witness to the crash, said. Berglund added that the driver was mumbling when she got out of the car. "She couldn't stand up. She couldn't talk," Berglund said. "She was out of it." A man who was with her — who police said was also slurring his words — was found with what appeared to be a semi-automatic weapon tucked in his waistband. He was subdued after a brief tussle. He was taken into protective custody. (Drunk tank) The gun turned out to be an airsoft gun, not a real firearm. The bearded dragon was not injured and is now in the possession of the Taunton animal control officer for feeding until Amy Rebello-McCarthy gets out of jail. They are harmless and eat insects, flowers and fruit. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Veronica Re: Sharpening pictures Dear Webby Why can't a picture that has been sharpened (increase contrast) too much, be restored after saving? I found that if I sharpen a picture and then save it, it often turns blotchy, and softening it does not reverse the previous sharpening. What is the story behind that? By the way, I use Paint Shop Pro. Veronica Dear Veronica Always keep the file format in PSP or PSD until all editing is finished, and then finally save a JPG copy. The PSP format stores a reversible history, JPG doesn't. When you increase contrast, you throw away mid tones. Softening creates mid tones by averaging. Those mid tones are not the same as the original ones. When you save a picture as a JPG and use compression, you throw away additional mid tones. You can't get those back either. That is why it is so important to save an original in .psp or .psd format. Quite often, instead of sharpening, all you need is clarifying. That reduces fuzziness or mist by throwing away only the lighter mid tones, but leaving the darker ones. Have FUN! DearWebby
Employee Evaluation Be sure to read through to the bottom... 1 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found 2 hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without 3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never 4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always 5 finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended 6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee 7 breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no 8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound 9 knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be 10 classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be 11 dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be 12 promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be 13 executed as soon as possible. Addendum: That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly re-read only the odd numbered lines.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Using a Binder Clip for Toothpaste By joanWZ [70 Posts, 21 Comments] When pushing toothpaste from the bottom to the top, sometimes we cannot help it that we'll push the tube in the middle. And one more thing, if the toothpaste is half empty already, we have to keep pushing to get out! So what I did was use those binder clip from my office. Fold the bottom of the toothpaste tube and clip it with the binder. Easy, yet helpful.
Walking on edge of tower in Toronto
____________________________________________________ A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss the use of the car. His father took him to his study and said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your bible a little and get your hair cut and we'll talk about it." After about a month the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss use of the car. They again went to the father's study where his father said, "Son, I've been real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied your bible diligently, but you didn't get your hair cut!" The young man waited a moment and replied, "You know Dad, I've been thinking about that. You know, Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair...." To which his father replied... "Yes, and nobody lent a car to any of them either!" ___________________________________________________
Soft stone rugs.
Todd's wife bought a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger. After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the "miracle" products, she asked, "Darling, honestly, what age would you say I am?" Looking over her carefully, Todd replied, "Judging from your skin, twenty; your hair, eighteen; and your figure, twenty five." "Oh, you flatterer!" she gushed. "Hey, wait a minute!" Todd interrupted, pausing at the door, ready to sprint fro his life. "I haven't added them up yet."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Thanks to Martin for this story: A little boy was walking down a dirt road after church one Sunday afternoon when he came to a crossroads where he met a little girl coming from the other direction. Hello," said the little boy. Hi," replied the little girl. Where are you going?" asked the little boy. I've been to church this morning and I'm on my way home," answered the little girl. Me too," replied the little boy. "I'm also on my way home from church." Which church do you go to?" asked the little boy. I go to the Baptist church back down the road," replied the little girl. What about you?" I go to the Catholic church back at the top of the hill," replied the little boy. They discover that they are both going the same way so they decided that they'd walk together. They came to a low spot in the road where spring rains had partially flooded the road so there was no way that they could get across to the other side without getting wet. "If I get my new Sunday dress wet my Mom's going to skin me alive," said the little girl. My Mom'll tan my hide too if I get my new Sunday suit wet," replied the little boy. "I tell you what I think I'll do," said the little girl. "I'm gonna pull off all my clothes and hold them over my head and wade across." "That's a good idea," replied the little boy. "I'm going to do the same thing with my suit." So they both undressed and waded across to the other side without getting their clothes wet. They were standing there in the sun waiting to drip dry before putting their clothes back on when the little boy finally remarked, "You know, I never did realize before just how much difference there really is between a Baptist and a Catholic."

Today, on May 19
1535 French explorer Jacques Cartier set sail for North America.

1536 Anne Boleyn, the second wife of England's King Henry VIII,
was beheaded after she was convicted of adultery. 

1568 After being defeated by the Protestants, Mary the Queen of
Scots, fled to England where she was imprisoned by Queen

1588 The Spanish Armada set sail from Lisbon, bound for England.

1608 The Protestant states formed the Evangelical Union of
Lutherans and Calvinists. 

1643 Delegates from four New England colonies met in Boston to
form a confederation. 

1643 The French army defeated a Spanish army at Rocroi, France. 

1796 The first U.S. game law was approved. The measure called
for penalties for hunting or destroying game within Indian

1847 The first English-style railroad coach was placed in
service on the Fall River Line in Massachusetts. 

1857 The electric fire alarm system was patented by William F.
Channing and Moses G. Farmer. 

1864 The Union and Confederate armies launched their last
attacks against each other at Spotsylvania in Virginia. 

1911 The first American criminal conviction that was based on
fingerprint evidence occurred in New York City. 

1921 The U.S. Congress passed the Emergency Quota Act, which
established national quotas for immigrants. 

1926 Benito Mussolini announced that democracy was deceased.
Rome became a fascist state. 

1926 In Damascus, Syria, French shells killed 600 people. 

1928 The first frog-jumping jubilee held in Calaveras County,

1935 T.E. Lawrence "Lawrence of Arabia" died from injuries in a
motorcycle crash in England. 

1935 The National Football League (NFL) adopted an annual
college draft to begin in 1936. 

1958 Canada and the U.S. formally established the North American
Air Defense Command. 

1962 Marilyn Monroe performed a sultry rendition of "Happy
Birthday" for U.S. President John F. Kennedy. The event was a
fund-raiser at New York's Madison Square Garden. 

1964 The U.S. State Department reported that diplomats had found
about 40 microphones planted in the U.S. Embassy in Moscow. 

1967 The Soviet Union ratified a treaty with the United States
and Britain that banned nuclear weapons from outer space. 

1974 Erno Rubik invented the puzzle what would later become
known as the Rubik's Cube. 

1967 U.S. planes bombed Hanoi for the first time. 

1988 In Jacksonville, FL, Carlos Lehder Rivas was convicted of
smuggling more than three tons of cocaine into the United
States. Rivas was the co-founder of Colombia's Medellin drug

1992 In Massapequa, NY, Mary Jo Buttafuoco was shot and
seriously wounded by Amy Fisher. Fisher was her husband Joey's
teen-age lover. 

1992 The 27th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution went into
effect. The amendment prohibits Congress from giving itself
midterm pay raises. 

1998 In Russia, strikes broke out over unpaid wages. 

1998 Bandits stole three of Rome's most important paintings from
the National Gallery of Modern Art. 

1999 "Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace" was released in
the U.S. It set a new record for opening day sales at 28.5

2000 The bones of the most complete and best-preserved
Tyrannosaurus rex skeleton went on display in Chicago. 

2000 Disney released the movie "Dinosaur." 

2003 It was announced that Worldcom Inc. would pay investor
$500 million to settle civil fraud charges over its $11 billion
accounting scandal. 

2003 Hundreds of Albert Einstein's scientific papers, personal
letters and humanist essays were made available on the Internet.
Einstein had given the papers to the Hebrew Universtiy of
Jerusalem in his will. 

2005 "Star Wars: Episode III Revenge of the Sith" brought in
50.0 million in its opening day. 

2013 The Yahoo board approved the $1.1 billion purchase of the
blogging site Tumblr. 

2017  smiled.

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DSL Modems Down South 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, May 18

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Teen parents are arrested after their 15-day-old 
baby is found covered in 100 RAT BITES in her 
blood-soaked crib and weighing just five pounds
href=""> Boneheads
Today, May 18 in
2014 Russian President Putin signed a bill to absorb Crimea
into the Russian Federation. The US, which had promised to
protect Ukraine in exchange for them giving up thousands of
nuclear war heads, reneged on that promise and did nothing.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Politics, n. Strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. --- Ambrose Bierce Never eat more than you can lift. --- Miss Piggy Never confuse movement with action. --- Ernest Hemingway ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A college dean was berating a veteran economics professor for having used the same tests for the past 35 years. "Don't you realize, professor, that the students have been sharing these tests for decades and that all of your students know EXACTLY what's on the test before they sit for it?" "Doesn't matter," replied the professor. "You must realize that the subject is economics. The answers are different each year!" -------------------- Yeah, I remember that. Economics is the science of explaining today why the predictions that you made yesterday won't come true tomorrow. With extra points for using big or Latin words. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ >From G.G.Amanda Greg was explaining the facts of life to his teenage nephew. After covering the basic biology, he moved on to the finer points of lovemaking. "One thing to keep in mind is that different women say different things during the sex act, even if you are doing the same thing." "What do you mean, Uncle Greg?" Well, for example, their words will vary according to their occupation. For example, a prostitute will tend to say, "Are you done yet?" On the other hand, a nymphomaniac will ask, "Are you done already?" "What do other women say?" Well, a schoolteacher will say, "We are going to do this over and over again until you get it right!" A nurse will say, "This won't hurt one bit." I thought they said, "Pull down your pants and bend over." That's a male nurse. But let's move on, a bank teller will say, "Substantial penalty for early withdrawal." A stewardess will say, "Place this over your mouth and nose and breathe normally." "And what does Aunty Keli say? " She says, "Beige ... beige... I think we should paint the ceiling beige." ______________________________________________________ From Dad This one bloomed yesterday _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Charles Elliott, 18, Erica Shyrock, 19 Magnolia, Arkansas Teen parents are arrested after their 15-day-old baby is found covered in 100 RAT BITES in her blood-soaked crib and weighing just five pounds A teenage couple from Arkansas have been arrested after police say their newborn daughter was found covered in blood and suffering from up to 100 rat bites all over her body, including a wound on her head through which the baby’s skull was visible. Erica Shyrock, 19, and her 18-year-old boyfriend, Charles Elliott, were taken into police custody in Magnolia on Sunday and charged with first-degree endangering the welfare of a minor. According to a graphic arrest affidavit, the case began unfolding at around 11.30am Sunday when police were summoned to Magnolia Regional Medical Center about a baby that had been bitten by rats. An emergency room nurse told the responding officers that the girl was 15 days old and weighed just 5lbs. An examination has revealed that the infant had 75 to 100 rat bites all over her body, including on her arms, fingers, hands and face. The worst injury was an inch-wide gash on the baby's forehead that was so deep it exposed a portion of her skull, the affidavit stated, according to a report by When interviewed by police, Shyrock, who has been dating Elliott since 2015, recounted how she put her daughter to sleep at around 5.30am in her bassinet placed next to the parents’ bed and was awakened by her screams two hours later. When the 19-year-old mom looked in the crib, she said she found her baby girl covered in blood. Elliott, who was interviewed separately, also told police he saw bloody rat footprints in the crib. Both parents said they were aware there their home was infested with rats but failed to address the problem. In the course of the investigation, police interviewed Elliott’s' mother, Regina Barton, who revealed to them that her son told her the baby had been bitten by a mouse and that he was afraid to lose custody of her. Barton said she urged her son to take the injured newborn to the hospital anyway. Elliott cleaned up some of the blood, and he and Shyrock said they waited an additional hour and a half for Barton to arrive at their home before seeking medical help for their baby at 9am. Under questioning, Elliott reiterated to police he was afraid. The couple's roommate, Maggie Williams, later gave police permission to search the residence, where they were able to recover the crib with the bloody rodent paw prints, a baby's blood-soaked hat, a baby blanket with blood stains on it and rodent droppings on a cabinet. On Monday, Elliott and Shyrock's daughter underwent a reconstructive surgery to close the gaping wound on her forehead. A doctor at Arkansas Children’s Hospital in Little Rock, where the victim has been transferred for treatment, sent police a note on Tuesday saying the child suffered severe skin destruction from rat feeding. The physician determined the damage would have taken ‘hours to occur and the baby would have been in distress (screaming) during that time.’ The doctor suggested that the parents were ‘either incapacitated or absent to not have responded to the baby's distress.’ Shyrock and Elliott are both being held at Columbia County Justice and Detention Facility without a bond. According to Shyrock’s Facebook page, the teen mom also has an older daughter whom she had while she was aged 16 or 17. Nobody knows where that child is. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Noella Re: Installing DSL in the deep South Dear Webby Subject: installing dsl modem & filters August 11, 2004 Instructions for installing Alltel DSL modem: 1. Insert CD that came with modem and follow directions. 2. Go back and enable DSL in system settings. 3. Start over. 4. Apply DSL filters to all phone jacks. You have four phones and Alltel sent three filters. 5. Dryer alert goes off. Take clothes out of dryer so they don't wrinkle. 6. Put in clothes from washer and start dryer. 7. Start new load in washer. 8. Go to basement to check if kids left TV on overnight. 9. Turn off TV and clean kids’ area. 10. Change trash bag and notice water on floor hasn’t evaporated in last 5 days. 11. Use old blanket to absorb water. Blanket not big enough. 12. Go get bucket and large sponge and sponge water into bucket. 13. Empty 1 gallon of water down drain. 14. Come upstairs and fix lunch. 15. Empty dishwasher 16. Eat lunch 17. Load dish washer. 18. Come back to computer room to finish installing DSL. 19. Reconfigure fax machine and telephone lines to correct configuration to work with DSL. 20. Plug in Ethernet line. Ethernet line won’t go into wall jack. 21. Watch video. 22. Plug Ethernet line into modem. 23. Plug modem into wall DSL filter, knocking mouse off desk. 24. Move chair into other room so that you can pull trundle out from under day bed to look for mouse ball. Mouse ball not there. 25. Pick up papers from floor. Mouse ball not there. 26. Look in all corners of room. Mouse ball in fourth corner. 27. Replace mouse ball and click “next.” 28. Realize that you’ve forgotten to plug power cord into electrical plug on surge protector. Plug in power cord. 29. Realize that plug was too close to shut-off button on surge protector when computer goes off. 30. Go look for three-way plug to make room for more plugs in surge protector. 31. Make sure to move trash can from in front of kitchen drawers so IT doesn’t fall over. Electrical plugs not in drawer. 32. Check all other drawers in kitchen. Electrical plugs not in ANY drawer. 33. Remember that the baggie holding electrical plugs are probably on front porch, left over from installing white lights above screens on porch. 34. Find electrical plugs in front porch, bring them into computer room. 35. Plug everything in and turn computer back on. 36. Take out DSL CD and find SCAN CD to find “feature you are trying to use is on a CD-Rom or to her removable disk that is not available.” 37. Take SCAN CD out and reinsert DSL CD. 38. Finish DSL set-up. 39. Type report 40. E-mail to friends and family. Dear Noella! What a hoot! Thank you very much for sharing that! Have FUN! DearWebby
Jenny was married to a male chauvinist. They both worked full time, but he never did anything around the house and certainly not any housework. That, he declared, was woman's work! But one evening Jenny arrived home from work to find the children bathed, a load of wash in the washing machine and another in the dryer, dinner on the stove and a beautifully set table, complete with flowers. She was astonished, and she immediately wanted to know what was going on. It turned out that Charley, her husband, had read a magazine article that suggested working wives would be more romantically inclined if they weren't so tired from having to do all the housework, in addition to holding down a full-time job. The next day, she couldn't wait to tell her girlfriends at the office. "How did it work out?" they asked. "Well, it was a great dinner, Jenny said. "Charley even cleaned up, helped the kids with their homework, folded the laundry and put everything away." "I really enjoyed my evening." she went on to say. "But what about afterward?" her friends wanted to know. It didn't work out," Jenny said. "Charley was too tired."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Tea Bags for Smelly Shoes By jhenton.102 [5 Posts] Put used tea bags into smelly shoes. After a few days, they won`t smell anymore.
Vet and son rescue 10 point buck
____________________________________________________ The bride came down the aisle and when she reached the altar, the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side. She said:" What are your golf clubs doing here"? He looked her right in the eye and said, "This isn't going to take all day, is it?" ___________________________________________________
The man who photographs ocean waves.
A woman goes to the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is published. The obit editor informs her that there is a charge of 50 cents per word. She pauses, reflects, and then she says, "Well then, let it read "Fred Brown died." Amused at the woman's thrift, the editor tells her that there is a seven-word minimum for all obituaries. She thinks it over and in a few seconds says, "In that case, let it read, "Fred Brown died: Golf clubs for sale."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

The "Dirty" joke from the folks from Erie: Cajun man wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test. "Here's your first question, the foreman said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9." "Without numbers?" the Cajun says, "Dat is easy." and proceeds to draw three trees. "What's this?" the boss asks. "Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine," says the Cajun. "Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99." The Cajun stares into space for awhile, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "Ere you go." The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?" "Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99." The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this Cajun, so he says, "all right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100." The Cajun stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere you go. One hunnred." The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!" The Cajun leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, "A little dog came along and crap by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which makes one hunnred. So, when I start?!"

Today, on May 18
1302 The weaver Peter de Coningk led a massacre of the
Flemish oligarchs. 

1642 Montreal, Canada, was founded. 

1643 Queen Anne, the widow of Louis XIII, was granted sole
and absolute power as regent by the Paris parliament,
overriding the late king's will. 

1652 In Rhode Island, a law was passed that made slavery
illegal in North America. It was the first law of its kind.

1792 Russian troops invaded Poland. 

1802 Great Britain declared war on Napoleon's France. 

1804 Napoleon Bonaparte was proclaimed emperor by the
French Senate. 

1828 Battle of Las Piedras ended the conflict between
Uruguay and Brazil. 

1896 The U.S. Supreme court upheld the "separate but equal"
policy in the Plessy vs. Ferguson decision. The ruling was
overturned 58 years later with Brown vs. Board of

1917 The U.S. Congress passed the Selective Service act,
which called up soldiers to fight in World War I. 

1934 The U.S. Congress approved an act, known as the
"Lindberg Act," that called for the death penalty in
interstate kidnapping cases. 

1944 Monte Cassino, Europe's oldest Monastic house, was
finally captured by the Allies in Italy. 

1951 The United Nations moved its headquarters to New York

1974 India became the sixth nation to explode an atomic

1980 Mt. Saint Helens erupted in Washington state. 57
people were killed and 3 billion $ in damage was done. 

1983 The U.S. Senate revised immigration laws and gave
millions of illegal aliens legal status under an amnesty

1994 Israel's three decades of occupation in the Gaza Strip
ended as Israeli troops completed their withdrawal and
Palestinian authorities took over. 

1998 The U.S. federal government and 20 states filed a
sweeping antitrust case against Microsoft Corp., saying the
computer software company had a "choke hold" on competitors
which denied consumer choices by controlling 90% of the
software market. 

1998 U.S. federal officials arrested more than 130 people
and seized $35 million. This was the end to an
investigation of money laundering being done by a dozen
Mexican banks and two drug-smuggling cartels. 

2012 Facebook Inc. held its initial public offering and
began trading on the NASDAQ. The company was valued at $104
billion making it the largest valuation to date for a newly
listed public company. 

2014 Russian President Putin signed a bill to absorb Crimea
into the Russian Federation. The US, which had promised to
protect Ukraine in exchange for them giving up thousands of
nuclear war heads, reneged on that promise and did nothing.

2017  smiled.

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DSL and phone on the same line 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, May 17

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
SC man drove 106 mph with small kids 
unbuckled in the car
Details At  Boneheads
Today, May 17 in
1630 Italian Jesuit Niccolo Zucchi saw the belts 
on Jupiter's surface. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. --- Calvin Trillin (1935 - ) Nobody believes the official spokesman... but everybody trusts an unidentified source. --- Ron Nesen or CNN ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ An e-mail computer virus swept across the globe that automatically opens pornographic websites on the victim's screen. Authorities intend to track down the hackers responsible for the virus just as soon as somebody complains. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Anni and her family took a tour of England. They joined a group of tourists on a bus to visit Runnymede, England. They gather around the guide who says, "This is the spot where the barons forced King John to sign the Magna Carta." Anni pushing her way to the front of the crowd asks, "When did that happen?" "1215," answers the guide. Anni looked at her watch and said, "Shoot! Just missed it by a half hour!" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by James Bradley Deese, 23, Union, South Carolina SC man drove 106 mph with small kids unbuckled in the car Deputies say they arrested a Union man who they clocked driving over 100 mph with two small children unbuckled in the back seat. James Bradley Deese, 23, was charged by the Union County Sheriff’s Office with reckless driving and driving under suspension. He was also ticketed for having two unrestrained children in the vehicle. Deputies say they started following Deese just before 9 p.m. Wednesday on Lockhart Highway. Radar indicated he was driving 106 mph. Deese slowed down to 86 mph when deputies turned on blue lights to pull the small car over. It was during the talk with Deese that deputies say they noticed two small children were in the back seat of the car. They were not restrained or wearing seat belts, according to the incident report. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Britta P Re: Phone plus DSL at the same time Dear Webby Is it safe to dump my first phone number and just use the second one that has the DSL on it? Would I get knocked off the net if somebody calls in or if I call out? How does that work, in simple terms please! Thanks Britta P Dear Britta It's perfectly safe to do that. The phone and the DSL share the wire, but they use different frequencies. An analogy would be a glass fiber or rod that passes light through it. A beam of red light would carry the phone stuff, and a beam of blue light would carry the Internet stuff. At each end is a crystal prism that splits the light into the different colors of the rainbow. The phone only sees the red and reddish colors, and the DSL modem only sees the blue and bluish colors. Neither the phone nor the DSL modem see or are aware of what goes on in the other device's color band. Exactly the same happens with your phone cable. Neither the phone nor the DSL modem see or are aware of what goes on in the other device's frequency band. Have FUN! DearWebby
"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Tea Bags for Smelly Shoes By jhenton.102 [5 Posts] If you ever have a pair of shoes that don't smell very good then I have an easy solution for you! Just take some tea bags and place them in your shoes while not in use, in a day or two your shoes won't have any bad smell!
Vet and son rescue 10 point buck
____________________________________________________ When Little Johnny's family moved into their new house, a visiting relative asked him how he liked the new place. "It's great!" he said. "I have my own room, Billy has his own room, and Jenny has her own room. But poor Dad is still stuck with Mom." ___________________________________________________
The man who photographs ocean waves.
Magdalena spent some months serving God in Kenya. On her final visit to a remote township Magdalena attended a medical clinic. As the Maasai women there began to sing together, Magdalena was deeply moved by their hauntingly beautiful harmonies and wanted to always remember this moment and recorded it to share it with friends after getting home. With tears flowing down the cheeks, Magdalena turned to a local and asked, "Can you please tell me the translation of the words to this song?" The local looked at Magdalena and solemnly replied, "If you boil the water, you won't get the shits."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

After a hardy Arkansas rainstorm filled all the potholes in the back alley, a young mother watched her two little boys playing in a water puddle through her kitchen window. The older of the two, a five year old lad, grabbed his sibling by the back of the head and shoved his face into the water hole. As the younger boy recovered and stood laughing and dripping, the mother ran to the back yard in a panic."Why on Earth did you do that to your little brother?"she inquired as she shook the older boy in anger. "We were just playing 'church,' Mommy" He said. "I was baptizing him like the preacher did in church last Sunday. I said, "I now baptize you in the name of the father, the son, and in-the-hole-he-goes!"

Today, on May 17
1540 Afghan chief Sher Khan defeated Mongul Emperor Humayun
at Kanauj. 

1630 Italian Jesuit Niccolo Zucchi saw the belts on
Jupiter's surface. 

1681 Louis XIV sent an expedition to aid James II in
Ireland. As a result, England declares war on France. 

1756 Britain declared war on France, beginning the French
and Indian War. 

1792 The New York Stock Exchange was founded at 70 Wall
Street by 24 brokers. 

1814 Denmark ceded Norway to Sweden. Norway's constitution,
which provided a limited monarchy, was signed. 

1875 The first Kentucky Derby was run at Louisville, KY. 

1877 The first telephone switchboard burglar alarm was
installed by Edwin T. Holmes. 

1926 The U.S. Embassy in Buenos Aires was damaged by bombs
that were believed set by sympathizers of Sacco and

1932 The U.S. Congress changed the name "Porto Rico" to
"Puerto Rico." 

1939 The first fashion to be shown on television was
broadcast in New York from the Ritz-Carleton Hotel. 

1940 Germany occupied Brussels, Belgium and began the
invasion of France. 

1946 U.S. President Truman seized control of the nation's
railroads, delaying a threatened strike by engineers and

1948 The Soviet Union recognized the new state of Israel. 

1954 The U.S. Supreme Court unanimously ruled for school
integration in Brown vs. Board of Education of Topeka. The
ruling declared that racially segregated schools were
inherently unequal. 

1956 The first synthetic mica (synthamica) was offered for
sale in Caldwell Township, NJ. 

1975 NBC TV bought the rights to show "Gone With the Wind."
The one time rights cost NBC $5,000,000. 

1980 Rioting erupted in Miami's Liberty City neighborhood
after an all-white jury in Tampa acquitted four former
Miami police officers of fatally beating black insurance
executive Arthur McDuffie. Eight people were killed in the

1985 Bobby Ewing died on the season finale of "Dallas" on
CBS-TV. He returned the following season. 

1987 An Iraqi warplane attacked the U.S. Navy frigate Stark
in the Persian Gulf, killing 37 American sailors. Iraq and
the United States called the attack a mistake. 

1996 U.S. President Clinton signed a measure requiring
neighborhood notification when sex offenders move in.
Megan's Law was named for 7-year-old Megan Kanka, who was
raped and killed in 1994. 

1997 Rebel leader Kabila declared himself president of the
Democratic Republic of the Congo, formerly Zaire. 

1999 Eric Ford, a tabloid photographer, was sentenced to 6
months at a halfway house, 3 years probation and 150 hours
of community service. The sentence stemmed from a charge
that Ford had eavesdropped on a call between Tom Cruise and
Nicole Kidman and then sold a recording of the

2000 Austria, the U.S. and six other countries agreed on
the broad outline of a plan that would compensate Nazi-Era
forced labor. 

2002 Legoland Deutschland opened in Günzburg, Germany. 

2006 The U.S. aircraft carrier Oriskany was sunk about 24
miles off Pensacola Beach. It was the first vessel sunk
under a Navy program to dispose of old warships by turning
them into diving attractions. It was the largest man-made
reef at the time of the sinking. 

2007 Trains crossed the border dividing North and South
Korea for the first time since 1953. 

2017  smiled.

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Open multiple follders 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, May 16

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman steals $300 cash from yard sale 
half mile from where she lives, gives the finger, 
drives off.
Details At  Boneheads
Today, May 16 in
1770 Marie Antoinette, at age 14, married the future King
Louis XVI of France, who was 15. She was the last queen of
France, guillotined in the French Revolution 18 years
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Any event, once it has occurred, can be made to appear inevitable by a competent historian. --- Lee Simonson Devotees of grammatical studies have not been distinguished for any very remarkable felicities of expression. --- Amos Bronson Alcott (1799 - 1888) The more things a man is ashamed of, the more respectable he is. --- George Bernard Shaw Would you be more content with six million dollars or six children? Six children, certainly. Because a man with six million dollars will always want more. --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Little Johnny was rough housing with his dog. His mother said to him, "Now, Johnny, I know you love Wilbur, but you're loving him too much. How would you feel if someone really huge picked you up and squeezed you so hard you couldn't breathe?" Little Johnny thought a moment and then said, "I guess I'd feel like it was my birthday and Aunt Agnes was here!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ >From Walter, the Stonecarver at The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from Run to Hide. The only two higher levels in France are Surrender and Collaborate. The raising of the alert level was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing their military. ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Susan Weitzel, 68, Ocala, Florida Florida woman steals $300 cash from yard sale half mile from where she lives, gives the finger, drives off. A Florida woman accused of stealing from a yard sale gave her victims a middle-finger salute as they attempted to chase her down. According to WKMG, Susan Weitzel, 68, of Ocala, went to a yard sale hosted by two sisters and their mother inside The Villages on Saturday. Weitzel asked a woman who was watching a cash box filled with $300 to get a bag because she wanted to buy a china bowl. As the woman left her post, Weitzel opened the cash box and placed the money in her pockets, according to WKMG. When confronted by a witness, Weitzel took off toward her white Ford F-150 and got in. One of the victims reached the truck before it left, and tried to open the door, but it was locked. Weitzel gave the woman the middle finger before driving off, WKMG reported. Authorities later found Weitzel at her home, only a half- mile from the yard sale. Police say she tried to escape through her back door to avoid arrest. She was arrested and charged with grand theft and resisting an officer without violence. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: John Re: Open multiple folders Dear Webby Is it possible in Windows 7 home to view the contents of multiple folders in one window? I am converting the format of music files which are organized into folders and it would be helpful to view all of the music files at once. Thanks, John Dear John Just open multiple file Explorer windows. For example one to show the Music folder on the C: drive, one to show the MP3 folder on the E: drive, one to show the MiscMusic folder on the CD and one to show the Music folder on the USB hard drive. Then you can drag stuff back and forth or into a staging folder for assembling a DVD. If you want to view ALL files of a type, for example MP3, on all drives, do a SEARCH and look for *.mp3 , all drives. Have FUN! DearWebby
Mark, took his beat-up pickup truck to the insurance agent for a pre-insurance inspection, the teen-age receptionist was sent to look over the truck. Armed with a checklist and a few simple questions, she breezed through the chore. When she asked, "What are the age and make of the vehicle?" Mark replied, "It's a '65 Ford." Apologetic about its des- perate condition, he added, "It's an old fossil." Inside, the office assistant entered the data into her computer and frowned. "Is there a problem?" asked Mark. "Mr. Evans, I've been in insurance a while," she explained, "but I've never heard of a Ford Fossil."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Paper Plate Cookie Gift Basket By ShirleyE [169 Posts, 106 Comments] Who doesn't like cookies? And homemade cookies are the best. Here is a simple and super cool way to present your homemade cookies as a gift. Who wouldn't be delighted to receive them? Paper Plate Cookie Gift Basket - cookie gift pack Supplies: 1 paper plate marker pen glue string or ribbon 4 large hole beads ruler pair of scissors decorations, such as stickers tissue paper cellophane Steps: Draw a rectangle in the middle of the plate. extend the two long sides to the edge of the plate Cut along these extensions. Fold the ends in and crease. Fold along the long edges and crease. crease along the fold apply glue Turn up the short sides first and then the long sides. Bend the points around and hold them together until the glue sets. If your glue is slow drying use a peg (clothespin) to hold them in place. turn up short sides and then long sides hold until glue sets decorate with ribbon or string add beads to ends add stickers or other decorations Line the basket with tissue paper. line with tissue paper Wrap your cookies in cellophane before displaying them in the basket.
" target="_blank" >"> When your office is 2,000 feet up!
____________________________________________________ A man returned from Africa feeling very ill. He went to see his doctor, and the doctor has him immediately rushed to the hospital, to undergo a range of tests. The man woke up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed was ringing. "This is your doctor. We've had the results back from your tests and we've found you have an extremely nasty virus, which is extremely contagious!" "Oh my gosh," cried the man, "What are you going to do, doctor?" "Well we're going to put you on a diet of pizzas, pancakes, and pita bread." "Will that cure me?" asked the man. The doctor replied, "Well no, but ... it's the only food we can get under the door." ___________________________________________________
Ink in motion.
Tech Support: "How much free space do you have on your hard drive?" Customer: "Well, my wife likes to get up there on that Internet, and she downloaded ten hours of free space. Is that enough?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

"Doctor, I'd like you to evaluate my 13 year-old son." "OK: He's suffering from a transient psychosis with an intermittent rage disorder, punctuated by episodic radical mood swings, but his prognosis is good for full recovery." "How can you say all that without even meeting him?" "I thought you said he's 13?"

Today, on May 16 
1770 Marie Antoinette, at age 14, married the future King
Louis XVI of France, who was 15. 

1866 The U.S. Congress authorized the first 5-cent piece to
be minted. 

1868 U.S. President Andrew Johnson was acquitted during the
Senate impeachment, by one vote. 

1879 The Treaty of Gandamak between Russia and England set
up the Afghan state. It has been at war ever since.

1881 In Germany, the first electric tram for the public
started service. 

1888 The first demonstration of recording on a flat disc
was demonstrated by Emile Berliner. 

1920 Joan of Arc was canonized in Rome. 

1946 "Annie Get Your Gun" opened on Broadway. 

1946 Jack Mullin showed the world the first magnetic tape

1960 A Big Four summit in Paris collapsed due to the
American U-2 spy plane incident. 

1960 Theodore Maiman, at Hughes Research Laboratory in
California, demonstrated the first working laser. 

1963 After 22 Earth orbits Gordon Cooper returned to Earth,
ending Project Mercury. 

1965 Spaghetti-O's were sold for the first time. 

1969 Venus 5, a Russian spacecraft, landed on the planet

1975 Japanese climber Junko Tabei became the first woman to
reach the summit of Mount Everest. 

1977 Five people were killed when a New York Airways
helicopter, idling on top of the Pan Am Building in
Manhattan, toppled over, sending a huge rotor blade flying.

1987 The Bobro 400 set sail from New York Harbor with 3,200
tons of garbage. The barge travelled 6,000 miles in search
of a place to dump its load. It returned to New York Harbor
after 8 weeks with the same load. 

1988 A report released by Surgeon General C. Everett Koop
declared that nicotine was addictive in similar was as
heroin and cocaine. No kidding, Bubba?

1988 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that police do not have
to have a search warrant to search discarded garbage. 

1991 Queen Elizabeth II became the first British monarch to
address the U.S. Congress. 

1992 The Endeavour space shuttle landed safely after its
maiden voyage. 

1996 Admiral Jeremy "Mike" Boorda, the nation's top Navy
officer, died from a self-inflicted gunshot wound after
some of his military awards were called into question. 

1997 In Zaire, President Mobutu Sese Seko gave control of
the country to rebel forces ending 32 years of autocratic

2000 U.S. First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton was nominated
to run for U.S. Senator in New York. She was the first U.S.
first lady to run for public office. It was a no-contest
campaign designed to appease her after the Lewisnsky

2005 Sony Corp. unveiled three styles of its new
PlayStation 3 video game machine.

2017  smiled.

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