Which Internet Radio? 

Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, December 19.

Home4Christmas.com is for sale. The sale of this domain name includes a quarter year hosting, and a basic site design. You have to gather the pictures yourself, though, and put some text together. The text can be in email or word processor or text file, or HTML, if you are already familiar with it. Once you have your own site, you can, of course edit and expand at any time. I will just make a headstart desgn for you, if you want that. If you want to make money with this during THIS Christmas, then you better hurry!
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a drunk who was jailed for slugging his mother, because he was too stupid to understand why there was no ornament with his name. Details at International Bonehead Awards
No UFO tonight. Somehow, they don't seem to like blizzards, or maybe their lights are just not made to shine through an earthly blizzard. If the lights I saw were just the moon reflecting off two big windows or shiny sections, then of course I can't expect them to get through the blizzard any more than the moon does. We'll see tomorrow. I sure could have used their help getting my wheelie-bin out of a three foot high snow drift and through a few two- footers down to the street. No such luck. So I went and asked Curt, the local Rambo for help. No problem! More town names from James: Ramsbottom, England Dickshooter, Idaho Assless, Scotland Cockgag, Ohio Bird In Hand, Pennsylvania French lick, Indiana Hornytown, North Carolina Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Love doesn't just sit there, like a stone; it has to be made, like bread, remade all the time, made new. --- Ursula K. LeGuin Let thy speech be short, comprehending much in a few words. --- Aprocrypha
Minister at a funeral service, "Friends, let us say goodbye to our beloved, departed friend. Let us remember that here lies only the shell-- the nut has gone!"
LOTS of Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes They Are All Original, Rich, Raw Delicious & Unbelievably Healthy Yet So Easy To Make! Our original chocolate recipes have all the delicious flavor, smoothness and decadence of what you love about chocolate, but with an amazing twist.

>From Red The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine, when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals to blind people when the light is red. She responded, "Amazing! In a blizzard like this, nobody sees much more than the blind people, so that buzzer gives blind drivers a cool advantage!" I don't want to be out there if and when she is driving!
Thanks to Terry for this picture of her favorite Squirrel: Ferby5 Click on the picture for the large version Sandie's Rainbow
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Andrew Sosa, Jailed For Leaving 4-Month-Old Daughter In Car While He Enjoyed Strip Club Bad dad of the year nominee Andrew Sosa left his 4-month-old daughter in the car, covered in vomit and dehydrated, while he went to a Florida strip club, police say. Sosa, 21, was arrested and charged with child neglect late Friday when a witness in Fort Myers saw the baby inside a locked car at Lookers strip club, according to the News- Press. The witness flagged down an officer, who was forced to smash a window to get the baby out when he couldn't find a caretaker nearby. The baby was reportedly sweating and sick. She was taken to a nearby hospital to be treated for dehydration, NBC-2 in Fort Myers reports. Meanwhile, Sosa was allegedly at Lookers. Police say he left the victim in the car for more than three hours, but the baby's uncle refutes the claim. Sosa appeared in court Saturday, and his bond was set at $100,000, according to the New York Daily News. Tech Support Pits From: Helen Re: Internet Radio Dear Webby Thank you so much for your newsletter. I have misplaced the link to the online radio you spoke about. Will you please let me know where it is located? Thanks again Helen Dear Helen I use Accuradio http://accuradio.com They have countless channels and you can further customize your channels by banning artists, that you don't like. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Christmas Tree Tips If you buy a natural tree, check the ends of the needles. Rub some of the sprigs between your fingers. If needles fall off, the tree is already dry. If not, it's a good one. Cut 1 inch or so off the bottom before you put it into the stand, this will allow it to soak up more water and it will last longer. Keep the water level in your tree stand deep enough to cover the cut base of the trunk, so it can continue to absorb water. If the cut end of the base dries out, the tree will dry out very quickly, too. Try to keep the water level steady. In the first week, a tree in your home will draw up as much as a quart of water per day. Aspirin, sugar, or commercial mixes added to the water do not appear to really help your tree last much longer. Just keep it watered. Jane Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
When I worked for the security department of a large retail store, my duties included responding to fire and burglar alarms. A side door of the building was wired with a security alarm, because it was not supposed to be used by customers. Nevertheless they found the convenience of the exit tempting. Even a sign with large red letters, warning "Alarm will sound if opened," failed to deter people from using it. One day, after attending to a number of shrieking alarms, I placed a small handmade sign on the door that totally eliminated the problem: "Wet paint."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

>From Alex Tiring of the same old buzz cut from the base barber at Fort Dix, New Jersey, I went into town to get my haircut. The hairdresser noticed my accent and asked where I was from. "Trinidad," I said. "Is that in Arabia?" "The Caribbean." She laughed, "Sorry, I never was very good at geometry."
Even Mother Superior knew good milk when she drank it. The 98-year-old Mother Superior from Ireland was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable. They gave her some warm milk to drink but she refused. Then one of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen. Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened and poured a generous amount into the warm milk. Back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her lips. Mother Superior drank a little, then a little more and before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop. "Mother," the nuns asked with humility, "please give us some wisdom before you die." She raised herself up in bed and with a pious look on her face said, "Don't sell that cow."

» Natural Snowflakes

Today, December 19, in
1154 Henry II became King of England.
1562 The Battle of Dreux was fought between the Huguenots 
 and the Catholics, beginning the French Wars of Religion.
1732 Benjamin Franklin began publishing "Poor Richard's Almanac."
1776 Thomas Paine published his first "American Crisis" essay.
1777 General George Washington led his army of about 11,000 
 men to Valley Forge, PA, to camp for the winter.
1842 Hawaii's independence was recognized by the U.S.
1843 Charles Dickens' "A Christmas Carol" was first 
 published in England.
1871 Corrugated paper was patented by Albert L. Jones.

1887 Jake Kilrain and Jim Smith fought in a bare knuckles 
 fight which lasted 106 rounds and 2 hours and 30 minutes. 
 The fight was ruled a draw and was halted due to darkness.
1903 The Williamsburg Bridge opened in New York City. It 
 opened as the largest suspension bridge on Earth and remained 
 the largest until 1924. It was also the first major 
 suspension bridge to use steel towers to support the main 
1907 A coalmine explosion in Jacobs Creek, PA, killed 239 
1957 Air service between London and Moscow was inaugurated.
1972 Apollo 17 splashed down in the Pacific, ending the 
 Apollo program of manned lunar landings.
1984 Britain and China signed an accord returning Hong Kong 
 to Chinese sovereignty on July 1, 1997.
1986 The Soviet Union announced it had freed dissident Andrei 
 Sakharov from internal exile, and pardoned his wife, 
 Yelena Bonner.
1989 U.S. troops invaded Panama to overthrow the regime of 
 General Noriega.
1996 The school board of Oakland, CA, voted to recognize 
 Black English, also known as "ebonics." The board later 
 reversed its stance.
1997 "Titanic" opened in American movie theaters.
1998 U.S. President Bill Clinton was impeached on two 
 charges of perjury and obstruction of justice by the 
 U.S. House of Representatives.
1998 A four-day bombing of Iraq by British and American 
 forces ended.
2000 The U.N. Security Council voted to impose sanctions on 
 Afghanistan's Taliban rulers unless they closed all terrorist 
 training camps and surrender U.S. embassy bombing suspect 
 Osama bin Laden.
2003 Images for the new design for the Freedom Tower at the 
 World Trade Center site were released. The building slopes 
 into a spire that reaches 1,776 feet.
2008 U.S. President George W. Bush signed a $17.4 billion 
 rescue package of loans for ailing auto makers 
 General Motors and Chrysler. 
2013  smiled.

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PeoplePC putting good mail into Spam 

Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, December 18.

Home4Christmas.com is for sale. The sale of this domain name includes a quarter year hosting, and a basic site design. You have to gather the pictures yourself, though, and put some text together. The text can be in email or word processor or text file, or HTML, if you are already familiar with it. Once you have your own site, you can, of course edit and expand at any time. I will just make a headstart desgn for you, if you want that. If you want to make money with this during THIS Christmas, then you better hurry!
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a drunk who was jailed for slugging his mother, because he was too stupid to understand why there was no ornament with his name. Details at International Bonehead Awards
On my walk tonight I saw what looked like a UFO. No it was not the moon, if anything, it looked like the moon was reflecting off 2 fairly large surfaces on it. The two reflecting surfaces, or lights with a cool, moon like hue, were one above the other, with the lower one about half that vertical distance offset towards the north. Those reflections or lights did not move during the 15 minutes, that they were in my field of view during my walk. It did not surprise me, that the mystery lights were at the same direction as where I saw and photographed that alien laser a couple of months ago. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

All power corrupts, but we need the electricity. --- Unknown I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays. --- Henny Youngman
>From Donnie God said, 'Adam, I Want you to do something for Me.' Adam said, 'Gladly, Lord, what do You want me to do?' God said, 'Go down into that valley.' Adam said, 'What's a valley?' God explained it to him. Then God said, 'Cross the river.' Adam said, 'What's a river?' God explained that to him, and then said, 'Go over to the hill....' Adam said, 'What is a hill?' So, God explained to Adam what a hill was. He told Adam, 'On the other side of the hill you will find a cave.' Adam said, 'What's a cave?' After God explained, He said, 'In the cave you will find a woman.' Adam said, 'What's a woman?' So God explained that to him too. Then, God said, 'I want you to reproduce.' Adam said, 'How do I do that?' God first said (under His breath), 'Geez.....' And then, just like everything else, God explained that to Adam as well. So, Adam goes down into the valley, Across the river, and over the hill, into the cave, and finds the woman. Then, in about five minutes, he was back. God, His patience wearing thin, said angrily, 'What is it now?' And Adam said: 'What's a headache?'
LOTS of Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes They Are All Original, Rich, Raw Delicious & Unbelievably Healthy Yet So Easy To Make! Our original chocolate recipes have all the delicious flavor, smoothness and decadence of what you love about chocolate, but with an amazing twist.

Frederick II, the eighteenth-century king of Prussia, fancied himself an enlightened monarch, and in some respects he was. On one occasion he is supposed to have interested himself in conditions in the Berlin prison and was escorted through it so that he might speak to the prisoners. One after the other, the prisoners fell to their knees before him, bewailing their lot and, predictably, protesting their utter innocence of all charges that had been brought against them. Only one prisoner remained silent, and finally Frederick's curiosity was aroused. "You," he called. "You there." The prisoner looked up. "Yes, Your Majesty?" "Why are you here?" "Armed robbery, Your Majesty." "And are you guilty?" "Entirely guilty, Your Majesty. I deserve my punishment." At this Frederick rapped his cane sharply on the ground and said, "Warden, release this guilty wretch at once. I will not have him here in jail, where, by example, he will corrupt all the splendid innocent people who occupy it."
Click on the picture for the large version Sandie's Rainbow
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Lewis, Atwood, 33, Casco, Michigan Jailed For Punching Mother In Face While Decorating Christmas Tree A Michigan man repeatedly punched his mother in the face while decorating the family Christmas tree after noticing that “there was an ornament with his brother’s name on it and that there were no ornaments with his name,” according to police. Cops responded to a home in Casco Township late Friday night after a 911 call was placed from the residence. While nobody was on the line, a dispatcher heard “yelling and screaming in the background and a woman screaming ‘You are hurting me,’” deputies reported. An investigation by the Allegan County Sheriff’s Office determined that Lewis Atwood, 33, slugged his mother Sandra, 58, in the face “four or five times” while trimming the Christmas tree with his girlfriend and brother. Police allege that the accused assailant was drunk and became incensed after discovering that only his younger sibling’s name appeared on an ornament. Sandra Atwood suffered a bloody nose, swollen eye, and swollen lip during the attack by her son, who had “minor injuries to his knuckles and hands that would be consistent with this type of assault,” deputies reported. Atwood, pictured above, was arrested for domestic violence and booked into the county jail, where he is locked up in lieu of $5000 bond. ------------ I hope Santa or anybody else is not going to bail him out! Tech Support Pits From: Ev Re: Newsletter in spam folder Dear Webby's Humor Letter - Daily Newsletter Hi---I think I am subscribed to your "Webby" newsletter and = humor......However, the copy you sent ended up in my Spam section and I jsut discovered it...Can you find a way to bypass the Spam problem for me....I would enjoy the newsleter.. Ev Dear Ev All I do is write and send the Humor Letter out to you. Once it has entered the Peoplepc.com server, there is nothing more that I can do about it. How you set your spam controls, that is entirely up to you. If you want, you can contact Peoplepc support and get them to help you correct your spam control settings. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Reuse Produce Bags for Food Storage The clear fruit and veggie bags that I get at the grocery store (the ones in the fresh produce section that are on a roll) make excellent freezer bags. Because they're thin, I double them up. And because they're usually too long for my need, I simply tie a knot where I need it and snip off the remaining tail. Source: Living on a tight budget. By Mlina from Amherstburg, ON Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
An Irishman walks into a bar and says "Bartender, one round for everyone, on me!" The bartender says, "Well, Murph, seems you're in a really good mood tonight, hm?" Murphy says, "Oh, you can bet on it! I just got hired by the city to go around and remove all the money from parking meters. I start on Monday!" The bartender congratulates the man and proceeds to pour the round. Monday evening arrives. Murphy comes back into the bar and says "Bartender, TWO rounds for everyone, on me!" The bartender says, "Well now! If you're so happy just over having this new job, I can just imagine how happy you'll be when you get your paycheck!" Murphy looks at the bartender with a wondrous look on his face, pulls out a handful of quarters from his pocket, and says "You mean they'll PAY me on top of it?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

It was 6 p.m., and I was about to leave the coin laundry where I was employed. My boss called me over and asked if I would mind dropping off someone's laundry on my way home. "It's for my cousin," she apologized, "who's eight months pregnant and can't get out much anymore." I cheerfully agreed and, driving to the address, knocked at the door. A little girl, the sister-to-be, answered. "Hi, there," I said with a big smile. "Is your mommy home?" Holding up the white bundle of clothes, I explained, "I have a delivery for her." The child's mouth dropped, and her eyes went wide. "Mom!" she shrieked, "come quick! It's the stork!"
Cajun math A Missouri farmer passed away and left 17 mules to his three sons. The instructions left in the will said that the oldest boy was to get one-half, the second oldest one-third, and the youngest one-ninth. The three sons, recognizing the difficulty of dividing 17 mules into these fractions, began to argue. Their uncle heard about the argument, hitched up his mule and drove out to settle the matter. He added his mule to the 17, making 18. The oldest therefore got one-half, or nine, the second oldest got one-third, or six, and the youngest son got one-ninth, or two. Adding up 9, 6 and 2 equals 17. The uncle, having settled the argument, hitched up his mule and drove home.

» Silent Monk Chorus

Today, December 18, in
1787 New Jersey became the third state to ratify the U.S. 
1862 The first orthopedic hospital was organized in New 
 York City. It was called the Hospital for Ruptured and 
1865 Slavery was abolished in the United States with the 
 13th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution being ratified.
1898 A new automobile speed record was set at 39 mph (63 km/h).
1903 The Panama Canal Zone was acquired 'in perpetuity' by 
 the U.S. for an annual rent.
1912 The discovery of the Piltdown Man in East Sussex was 
 announced. It was proved to be a hoax in 1953.
1916 During World War I, after 10 months of fighting the 
 French defeated the Germans in the Battle of Verdun.
1950 NATO foreign ministers approved plans to defend Western 
 Europe, including the use of nuclear weapons, if necessary.
1956 Japan was admitted to the United Nations.
1957 The Shippingport Atomic Power Station in Pennsylvania 
 went online. It was the first nuclear facility to generate 
 electricity in the United States. It was taken out of 
 service in 1982.
1965 Kenneth LeBel jumped 17 barrels on ice skates.
1969 Britain's Parliament abolished the death penalty for 
1970 Divorce became legal in Italy.
1972 The United States began the heaviest bombing of 
 North Vietnam during the Vietnam War. The attack ended 
 12 days later.
1973 The IRA launched its Christmas bombing campaign in 
1979 The sound barrier was broken on land for the first time 
 by Stanley Barrett when he drove at 739.6 mph.
1983 Wayne Gretzky (Edmonton Oilers) scored his 100th point 
 in the 34th game of the season.
1996 Despite a U.N. truce, factional fighting in the Somali 
 capital of Mogadishu, broke out in which at least 300 fighters 
 and civilians were killed.
1998 The U.S. House of Representatives began the debate on the 
 four articles of impeachment concerning U.S. President Bill 
 Clinton. It was only the second time in U.S. history that 
 process had begun.
1998 Russia recalled its U.S. ambassador in protest of the 
 U.S. attacks on Iraq.
1998 South Carolina proceeded with the U.S.' 500th execution 
 since capital punishment was restored.
2001 A fire damaged New York City's St. John Cathedral. The 
 cathedral is the largest in the United States.
2009 General Motors announced that it would shut down its 
 Saab brand.
2009 A Paris court ruled that Google was breaking French law 
 with its policy of digitizing books and fined the company 
 a $14,300-a-day fine until it rids its search engine of the 
 literary extracts.
2009 James Cameron's movie "Avatar" was released in the United 
 States. On January 26, the movie became the highest-grossing 
 film worldwide. 
2013  smiled.

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When mail size is restrictred 

Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, December 17.

Home4Christmas.com is for sale. The sale of this domain name includes a quarter year hosting, and a basic site design. You have to gather the pictures yourself, though, and put some text together. The text can be in email or word processor or text file, or HTML, if you are already familiar with it. Once you have your own site, you can, of course edit and expand at any time. I will just make a headstart desgn for you, if you want that. If you want to make money with this during THIS Christmas, then you better hurry!
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Mother Jailed for huffing whippets and passing out with child in car Details at International Bonehead Awards
From Nanarina: Fox hunting under the snow
More town names from James: Blue Ball, Idaho Long Dong, China Spread Eagle, Wisconsin. Mary's Inlet, Canada Humptulips, Washington
The 50 most insane driving laws. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The greatest of faults, I should say, is to be conscious of none. --- Thomas Carlyle (1795 - 1881)
Henry Kissinger once asked Chou En-Lai to theorize on what might have happened if Nikita Khrushchev had been assassinated instead of John F. Kennedy. After a moment's thought, Chou En-Lai answered: "I don't believe Mr. Onassis would have married Mrs. Khrushchev."
LOTS of Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes They Are All Original, Rich, Raw Delicious & Unbelievably Healthy Yet So Easy To Make! Our original chocolate recipes have all the delicious flavor, smoothness and decadence of what you love about chocolate, but with an amazing twist.

A man asked for a divorce. The judge asked him why he wanted a divorce. He replied, that he lived in a Two Story House. The Judge replied, "What kind of a reason is that? What is the big deal about a two story house?" The man answers, "Well Judge, one story is: 'I have a headache' and the other story is 'It's that time of the month.'" "Granted."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jennifer Ann Lee, 29, Tampa, Floriduh Jailed for huffing whippets with child in car A Florida mom was nonchalant when cops questioned her about her alleged use of "whippets" in her car while her 1-year-old child was in the back seat. Jennifer Ann Lee, 29, passed out after huffing the contents of one of the small containers, which usually contain nitrous oxide, police told The Tampa Tribune. A passerby in Bradenton noticed Lee asleep at the wheel at an intersection, and offered to drive her to a safe location, WTSP reports. Lee agreed. The witness also called a friend of Lee's to check on her, and that friend ended up calling police. He reportedly told officers that Lee was "doing whippets" in front of him. When officers arrived, they reportedly found small canisters at the suspect's feet and in her seat. A subsequent search revealed 20 more of the canisters. The child was unharmed. Police say she admitted to doing whippets and falling asleep at the wheel. She allegedly told them, "I was tired and it happens." She was uncooperative when they arrested her. She was charged with felony child neglect, My Fox Tampa Bay reports. -------- Whippets can be the huff of Nitrous Oxide (Laughing gas) in Whipped Cream cans, but they can also be the gas cartridges for refillable whipped cream makers. Since she actually passed out, she most likely was using the cartridges. They can be "popped" with a thumbtack. Huffing laughing gas can be fun at a stag party, especially when alternated with huffs of helium to produce a Donald Duck voice, but should never be done without supervision, and especially not in a vehicle! Tech Support Pits From: Beverly Re: Mail Size Restrictions Hi Dear Webby, I have a problem. The server that my ISP uses has restricted the size of each email that we can receive and now I am having trouble receiving any email with pictures. I wondered if you can give me a referral to Gmail? The Service Tech from my ISP said he thought you could receive any size email through it, and I have read several times in the Humor Letter where you speak pretty highly of it. I went to Google and read about it and really would like to try it. I hope you can help me. Thanks! Beverly M Dear Beverly Just go to http://gmail.com It will guide you through the sign-up. You don't need referrals any more. Yes, with Gmail there are no kindergarten limits. Just take your time to customize it to your liking, and you'll be quite happy with it. Also go into Settings, Filters, and get comfortable with making filters. Gmail has very strong spam filtering, and you have to exclude important stuff. For example, if I write about how to get rid of some malware, it will likely consider that to be evil spam and dump it into the Spam folder. Just make a filter to tell it that mail from humor@webby.com should never be put into SPAM. Do the same with the addresses of utility companies, banks, etc. You can even use Gmail with regular POP programs like Eudora or Outlook, not just with it's web interface. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Persian Lamb This recipe is easy to make and has lots of flavor. I have made this dish for a number of parties and it is always a crowd pleaser. Ingredients: 2 to 3 lbs. boneless lamb, cubed 4 cloves chopped garlic 1 (6 oz.) can chickpeas 2 Tbsp. tomato paste 1 large bunch flat leaf parsley, cleaned and chopped juice of 2 large lemons 1/2 tsp. salt 1/4 tsp. pepper Directions: Brown Lamb and add to crock pot with all remaining ingredients. Cook 6 to 7 hours on low or 4 to 5 hours on high until meat is tender. I like to serve this dish over basmati rice. Note: This recipe can be prepared the night before. Just take the crock pot out of the fridge in the morning and turn the crock pot on! Servings: 6 to 8 Time: 20 Minutes Preparation Time 6 to 7 Hours Cooking Time By Pamela from South Hadley, MA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Peter decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Peter's station wagon and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm house and asked the attractive lady of the house if they could spend the night. "I'm recently widowed," she explained, "and I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house." "Not to worry," Peter said, "we'll be happy to sleep in the barn." Nine months later, Peter got a letter from the widow's attorney. He then went up to visit his friend Bob and said, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow at the farm we stayed at?" "Yes, I do." "Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and have sex with her?" "Yes, I have to admit that I did." "Did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name, and give her one of MY business cards?" Bob's face turned red and he said, "Yeah, I'm afraid I did." "Well, thanks! She just died and left me everything!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Despite warnings from his guide, an American skiing in Swit- zerland got separated from his group and fell into a deep crevasse. Several hours later, a rescue party found the hole, and to reassure the stranded skier shouted down to him, "We're from the Red Cross" "Sorry," the imperturbable American echoed back, "I already gave at the office!"
Elmer Fudd and his buddy Sam are out in the woods hunting wascally wabbits...when suddenly, Sam grabs his chest and falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing; his eyes are rolled back in his head. Elmer whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "I tink Sam is dead! What should I do?" The operator, in a calm, soothing voice says, "Just take it easy and follow my instructions. First, let's make sure he's actually dead." A silence follows...and then a shot is heard. Elmer's voice comes back on the line: "Okay...now what?

» Northern Lights

Today, December 17, in
1777 France recognized American independence.
1791 A traffic regulation in New York City established the 
 first street to go "One Way."
1830 South American patriot Simon Bolivar died in Colombia.
1895 George L. Brownell received a patent for his 
 paper-twine machine.
1903 The first successful gasoline-powered airplane flight 
 took place near Kitty Hawk, NC. Orville and Wilbur Wright 
 made the flight.
1939 The German pocket battleship Graf Spee was scuttled by 
 its crew, bringing the World War II Battle of the 
 Rio de la Plata (3 British battle ships against the Graf Spee) 
 off Uruguay to an end.
1944 The U.S. Army announced the end of its policy of excluding 
 Japanese-Americans from the West Coast which ensured that 
 Japanese-Americans were released from detention camps.
1957 The United States successfully test-fired the Atlas 
 intercontinental ballistic missile for the first time.
1969 The U.S. Air Force closed its Project "Blue Book" by 
 concluding that there was no evidence of extraterrestrial 
 spaceships behind thousands of UFO sightings.
1973 Thirty-one people were killed at Rome airport when Arab 
 guerillas hijacked a German airliner.
1975 Lynette Fromme was sentenced to life in prison for her 
 attempt on the life of U.S. President Ford.
1978 OPEC decided to raise oil prices by 14.5% by the end of 1979.
1986 Davina Thompson became the world's first recipient of a heart, 
 lungs, and liver transplant.
1986 Eugene Hasefus was pardoned and then released by Nicaragua. 
 He had been convicted of running guns to the Contras.
1992 U.S. President George H.W. Bush, Canadian Prime 
 Minister Brian Mulroney and Mexican President Carlos 
 Salinas de Gortari signed the North American Free Trade 
1992 Israel deported over 400 Palestinians to Lebanese 
 territory in an unprecedented mass expulsion of suspected 
1996 Peruvian guerrillas took hundreds of people hostage 
 at the Japanese embassy in Lima. The siege ended on 
 April 22, 1997, with a commando raid that resulted in the 
 deaths of all the rebels, two commandos and one hostage.
1997 U.S. President Clinton signed the No Electronic Theft Act. 
 The act removed protection from individuals who claimed that 
 they took no direct financial gains from stealing copyrighted 
 works and downloading them from the Internet.
2002 U.S. President George W. Bush ordered the Pentagon to have 
 ready for use within two years a system for protecting American 
 territory, troops and allies from ballistic missile attacks.
2002 McDonald's Corp. warned that they would report its first 
 quarterly loss in its 47-year history.
2002 The insurance and finance company Conseco Inc. filed for 
 Chapter 11 protection. It was the third-largest bankruptcy 
 in U.S. history.
2002 Congo's government, opposition parties and rebels signed 
 a peace agreement that ended four years of civil war.
2004 U.S. President George W. Bush signed into law the largest 
 overhaul of U.S. intelligence gathering in 50 years. The bill 
 aimed to tighten borders and aviation security. It also created 
 a federal counterterrorism center and a new intelligence director.
2013  smiled.

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Cause for missed or not missed letters 

Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, December 16.

More towns for the list of wacky town names
sent in by James:

Hooker Hole, LA
Smackass Gap, NC
Muff, Ireland
Big Beaver, Pennsylvania
Erect, NC
Big Knockers, England
Nipple, Utah

Have FUN!

Home4Christmas.com is for sale. The sale of this domain name includes a quarter year hosting, and a basic site design. You have to gather the pictures yourself, though, and put some text together. The text can be in email or word processor or text file, or HTML, if you are already familiar with it. Once you have your own site, you can, of course edit and expand at any time. I will just make a headstart desgn for you, if you want that. If you want to make money with this during THIS Christmas, then you better hurry!
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a preacher for allegedly raping two underage girls. Details at International Bonehead Awards
From Nanarina: Fox hunting under the snow Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The English language was carefully, carefully cobbled together by three blind dudes and a German dictionary. --- Dave Kellett It is said that power corrupts, but actually it's more true that power attracts the corruptible. The sane are usually attracted by other things than power. --- David Brin. 1950 -
A Classic brought back by Donnie: Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong. Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees Is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table and, next to them, a single red rose!! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he Sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make You your favourite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian" He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His 16 year old son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son... What happened last night?" "Well, you came home after 3 a.m., pissed out of your mind, you fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you stumbled into the door. All in all, one hell of a performance Dad." Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??" His son replies, "Oh THAT... Mum dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your trousers off, you screamed.... "Leave me alone, I'm married!!"

>From Amanda Just a few weeks after taking a job as a security guard, my husband announced that he had been fired. He explained that he'd fallen asleep at this desk and someone broke into the building. "But you're such a light sleeper," I said. "I'm surprised the sound of the guy breaking in didn't wake you up." "I didn't get fired for falling asleep," he confessed, "I was fired for wearing my earplugs."
Click on the picture for the large version Egypt is no longer complaining, that YOUR CO2 is causing Gullible Warming.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jacoby Kindred, 61, Maplewood, Minnesota Wanted because of raping two under-age girls A "self-proclaimed" pastor in Minnesota has been charged with the rape of two girls. Jacoby Kindred, 61, is accused of sexually abusing the daughters of his son's girlfriend beginning when they were only six years old. According to a criminal complaint obtained by the Pioneer Press, Kindred, a pastor with One Accord Ministries, told one victim that "the devil was inside her and he could take the demons out of her." KARE 11 reports that the alleged abuse "involved fondling, oral stimulation, and rape," and took place mostly at Kindred's Maplewood, Minn., home, while the victims, now 14 and 16, stayed over. Kindred is said to have abused the girls for more than a decade. Police began their investigation in July after the girls' mother said she found out about a letter written by one of her daughters that described sexual acts with Kindred. Reached for comment by the Pioneer Press on Thursday, Kindred denied the allegations and said that the girls' mother had made them tell "lies" because she was angry with him. "Anyone can make up anything when you sit there long enough and you rehearse it," Kindred told the newspaper. "All a woman has to do [in Minnesota] is make an accusation, true or false, and the man's going to be in trouble." Kindred, who spoke with the Pioneer Press by phone, told the paper that he was out of town for a funeral, and would not disclose his location. Police have issued a warrant for his arrest. Tech Support Pits From: Amber Rose Re: Cause of missed letters Dear Webby I keep wondering what the problem is that some people have with getting your newsletter through AOL. I don't have any problem whatsoever, and I have AOL. Could the difference be that they do not have your e-mail address in their Address Book? AOL kept putting it into my Address Book whenever I received a newsletter. I kept deleting it because it was not one of my personal friends that I contact frequently. I was keeping my Address Book just for them. When I realized your newsletters were going into my Spam box, I finally realized. Now you are prominent in my Address Book along with my other friends, and I do believe you are a friend also. Your newsletter is the very best I have ever received. AmberRose Dear AmberRose You are 100% right. Nowadays AOL has become quite reliable, much better than for example Yahoo, and when the sender address is in the address book, the mail always gets through. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning Oiled Wood Floors I have 105 year old heartpine floors. I use WOCA natural soap to clean them. They have also come out with a refresher that has more oil in it. If your floors aren't horrible, clean them well and try the refresher on a small section. We sanded and oiled our floors six years ago after removing about five layers of linoleum. I used WOCA oil. Haven't had to re-oil yet. Source: Wocadirect.com By Tina K Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
>From Lisa I've been feeling down for so long that I finally decided to seek the aid of a psychiatrist. I went there, laid on the couch, spilled my guts then waited for the profound wisdom of the psychiatrist to make me feel better. The psychiatrist asked me a few questions, took some notes and sat thinking for a few minutes, nodding his head. Finally, he looked up at me and said in conclusion, "Ummmm, I think your problem is low self-esteem. That is very common among losers." So I broke his face, his glasses and his chair, took my file and left. I have to say, I felt much better after that session!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A crew of highway maintenance workers were sent to repair some road signs that vandals had knocked down in a forested area. The first one they put back up was a symbol warning of a deer crossing. As they moved down the road to repair the next sign, one member, of the crew looked back and spotted a deer running across the highway. She turned to a co-worker and said, "I wonder how long he's been waiting to cross?"
Once upon a time in their marriage, my Dad did something really stupid. My Mom chewed him out for it. He apologized, they made up. However, from time to time, my mom mentions what he had done. "Honey," my Dad finally said one day, "why do you keep bringing that up? I thought your policy was 'forgive and forget.'" "It is," she said. "I just don't want you to forget that I've forgiven and forgotten."

» Golden Gate bridge

Today, December 16, in
1653 Oliver Cromwell became lord protector of England, 
 Scotland and Ireland.
1773 Nearly 350 chests of tea were dumped into Boston Harbor 
 off of British ships by Colonial patriots. The patriots 
 were disguised as Indians. The act was to protest taxation 
 without representation and the monopoly the government 
 granted to the East India Company.
1809 Napoleon Bonaparte was divorced from the Empress 
 Josephine by an act of the French Senate.
1835 In New York, 530 buildings were destroyed by fire.
1838 The Zulu chief Dingaan was defeated by a small force 
 of Boers at Blood River celebrated in South Africa as 
 'Dingaan's Day'.
1850 The first immigrant ship, the Charlotte Jane, arrived 
 at Lyttleton, New Zealand.
1916 Gregory Rasputin, the monk who had wielded powerful 
 influence over the Russian court, was murdered by a 
 group of noblemen.
1940 French Premier Petain arrested Pierre Laval after 
 learning of a plan for Laval to seize power and set up 
 a new government with German support.
1944 During World War II, the Battle of the Bulge began 
 in Belgium. It was the final major German counteroffensive 
 in the war.
1950 U.S. President Truman proclaimed a national state of 
 emergency in order to fight "Communist imperialism."
1960 A United Air Lines DC-8 and a TWA Super Constellation 
 collided over New York City, killing 134 people.
1972 The Miami Dolphins became the first NFL team to go 
 unbeaten and untied in a 14-game regular season.
1973 O.J. Simpson broke Jim Brown’s single-season rushing 
 record in the NFL. Brown had rushed for 1,863 yards, 
 while Simpson attained 2,003 yards.
1990 Jean-Bertrand Aristide, a leftist priest, was elected 
 president in Haiti's first democratic elections.
1995 Many U.S. government functions were again closed as a 
 temporary finance provision expired and the budget dispute 
 between President Clinton and Republicans in Congress continued.
1996 Britain's agriculture minister announced the slaughter 
 of an additional 100,000 cows thought to be at risk of 
 contracting BSE in an effort to persuade the EU to lift 
 its ban on Britain.
1998 The U.S. and Britain fired hundreds of missiles onto 
 Iraq in response to Saddam Hussein's refusal to comply 
 with U.N. weapons inspectors.
1999 Torrential rains and mudslides in Venezuela left 
 thousands of people dead and forced at least 120,000 
 to leave their homes.
2000 Researchers announced that information from NASA's 
 Galileo spacecraft indicated that Ganymede appeared to 
 have a liquid saltwater ocean beneath a surface of solid 
 ice. Ganymede, a moon of Jupiter, is the solar system's 
 largest moon. The discovery is considered important 
 since water is a key ingredient for life.
2000 U.S. President-elect George W. Bush selected Colin 
 Powell to be the first African-American secretary of state. 
 Powell was sworn in January 20, 2001.
2001 In Tora Bora, Afghanistan, tribal fighters announced 
 that they had taken the last al-Quaida positions. More 
 than 200 fighters were killed and 25 captured. They also 
 announced that they had found no sign of Osama bin Laden.
2001 Cuba received the first commercial food shipment from 
 the United States in nearly 40 years. The shipment was sent 
 to help Cuba after Hurrican Michelle hit Cuba on Nov 4, 2001.
2009 Astronomers discovered GJ1214b. It was the first-known 
 exoplanet on which water could exist.
2013  smiled.

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How to make a Hot-key to instantly start a screen saver? 

Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, December 15.

Thank you, Jen & John from New Hampshire!

Have you ever seen an eagle's nest with eggs in it?

There are a few in the Cape Coral, Fort Myers area right in 
town. I saw this nest when I helped Sandie prepare for 
Hurricane Wilma in October 2005. There was no camera on 
this particular nest in those days. They had a camera 
on a different nest.

The eagles flew away a day before the hurricane arrived,
probably to shelter in the thick mangrove forest at the 
coast, and came back a day after the hurricane had 
passed, and calmly restored their messy nest. Eagle's
nests don't look pretty or finished at the best of times.

Eagle nest cam in Ft Myers with info, for example
Currently On The Nest:
Harriet arrives at 6:06pm and Ozzie leaves

The nest is visible at night too, though just lit with an 
IR light. At night it looks like a Black & White camera,
but during the day it is in color. And you see the traffic
below the nest. It does not bother the eagles at all.

You see the eggs when the eagles change shifts, or when 
they turn around. When they get too warm, then they turn
with their tail against the wind, so that it ruffles the
feathers. When they get cold, they turn their head into 
the wind, so that it slicks their feathers down. When they
turn around or change shifts, you see the two eggs.

More details at

Have FUN!

Home4Christmas.com is for sale. The sale of this domain name includes a quarter year hosting, and a basic site design. You have to gather the pictures yourself, though, and put some text together. The text can be in email or word processor or text file, or HTML, if you are already familiar with it. Once you have your own site, you can, of course edit and expand at any time. I will just make a headstart desgn for you, if you want that. If you want to make money with this during THIS Christmas, then you better hurry!
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to Florida Teacher gets 38 years for fixing a 12 year old boy's virginity Details at International Bonehead Awards
Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

We all have strength enough to endure the misfortunes of others. --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680) The best ideas come as jokes. Make your thinking as funny as possible. --- David M. Ogilvy
>From Donnie A golfer is cupping his hand to scoop water from a burn on the St Andrews course. A grounds keeper shouts: 'Dinnae drink tha waater! Et's foo ae coo's shite an pish!' The golfer replies: 'My Good fellow, I'm from England . Could you repeat that for me, in English!?' The keeper replies: 'I said, use two hands - you'll spill less that way!

>From Clyde I just got off the phone with friend in northern Minnesota. He said that since early this morning the snow has been falling heavily and it is nearly waist high. The temperature is dropping below zero and the north wind is increasing, and his wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window. He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in! -------- Those northern Minnesotans are suicidal!
Click on the picture for the large version London, England
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Scott Lamonico, Alaska Jail for downloading 17 magazine pictures Downloading Seventeen magazine photos of Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomez, and Dakota Fanning could result in jail time for a probationer who spent time in federal prison for possessing child pornography. During a recent search of Scott Lamonico’s computer, probation officer Jennifer Hitchins discovered the photos of the three celebrities, along with other images of young women in “minimal clothing.” Federal investigators contend that the photos violated a probation term barring the 44-year-old Lamonico from possessing “child erotica.” In April 2006, Lamonico was sentenced to 63 months in prison (to be followed by three years probation) following his conviction in U.S. District Court in San Francisco on a felony possession of child pornography count. Now living in Alaska, Lamonico, pictured above, was freed from custody last November. He was arrested last Thursday on a warrant accusing him of violating the conditions of his supervised release. If found guilty of violating his probation, Lamonico could face two additional years in custody, though sentencing guidelines call for a prison term between three and nine months. ---------- Pictures of Miley Cyrus and her 'twerking' have been all over the news for some time. I always wondered what people found so special about the scrawny, underfed screecher. I had not realized, that she was underage. Personally, I would be more interested in pictures of her mother or grandmother in similar attire! Tech Support Pits From: Barb Re: Hot-key for ScreenSaver Dear Webby I want it! The hot-key for starting a screen saver, that you hinted at. Barb Dear Barb Gladly! Oh, too old? OK. Hot key is easy. Look for the location of your screen savers. Just search for *.scr files. Your favorite one should be there too. If Windows is acting snotty and not showing the SCR files, start the making of a desktop shortcut, browse to c:\Windows and select AJScreensaver.scr Right-click it and select Shortcut. Drag the shortcut onto the desktop. No, no, that's not all. Be patient! Now right-click that shortcut. In there you can set a hot-key. Pick a combo, that is easy to use without getting your fingers tangled up, and that is not in use yet. Surprisingly, ALT X is usually still free. After selecting a Hot-Key, OK out of there. Now, when you hit CTRL and ALT X, or whatever you picked, your screen saver will pop and hide what you have been doing. Keep in mind, due to an embarrassing brain fart in Windows, you need THREE keys for a hot-key. Yeah, I know, that is rather stooopid, and Bill Gates has publicly apologized for that, but so far there is no way around it. Until somebody writes a third party fix for that, you just have to use three keys to make hot-keys for shortcuts. Just type X into that slot, and Windows will add the CTRL + ALT part. Hit APPLY and OK, and your hotkey is done. Hit CTRL ALT X, and your clocks are up. If you use dual monitors, you can select a different screensaver for the second monitor. I use the Roman clock on the left monitor and the numeric ribbon clock on the right monitor. If you set it so that returning from the screen saver requires a password, then your kids can't snoop while you are off flirting at the postman. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Dresser Drawers as a Bookshelf I have purchased quite a few books over the years. I spent so much money on the books themselves that I didn't have enough leftover to buy shelving, and that's where I got the idea for this helpful little tip. I had stacks of books all over the house, and I finally decided that something had to be done, so I went on a hunt. I found a damaged dresser that had been left in the basement by the previous owner of the house, so I pulled it out and started brainstorming a way to turn it into a bookshelf. I came up with the idea of taking all the hardware off the drawers and stacking the drawers on top of each other. The bottoms of the drawers now became the back of my new modular shelving unit. Each shelf measures 36 inches wide, 15 inches high, and 8 inches deep. With a little bit of staining, the new shelves make a beautiful addition to the living room, turning my unsightly stacks of books into a source of numerous complements. By Jessica from Marion, NC Narrow concrete blocks for uprights and 1x8's or 1x4's work very well too. 1x8's SEEM more expensive, but twice as many 1x4's work out to exactly the same. Boards are usually sold by the board-foot, which is the volume of a square foot, 1 inch thick. You can easily stain them mahogany or walnut and make them look quite fancy, To hide the concrete blocks print a book spine of some fantasy book, for example your thesis, glue it onto some cardboard, curve it anround the front end of the block and glue it onto the concrete block with hotmelt glue. If you don't have a saw to cut the boards, come on over. You can also ask the good people at Home Depot to cut them for you. They will give you a big speech about no refunds on cut stuff, and that you better be VERY sure about the length of the boards. Once you are sure about the length, "Yeah, it is twice the length of my bra plus two fingers." they will gladly cut the wood for you. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Six year old Angie and her four year old brother Joel were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church," she hissed at Joel. "Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel shot back. Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two big mean men standing by the door?" Joel nodded. "They're hushers."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

After the college boy delivered the pizza to Rob's's trailer house, Rob asked: "What is the usual tip?" "Well," replied the youth, "this is my first trip here, but the other guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I'll be doing great." "Is that so?" snorted Rob. "Well, just to show them how wrong they are, here's five dollars." "Thanks," replied the youth, "I'll put this in my school fund." "What are you studying?" asked Rob. The lad smiled and said: "Reverse psychology."
One day, Uncle Joe got fired from his construction job. His nephew asked him what happened. "You know what a foreman is?" he asked. "The one who stands around and watches the other men work?" "What's that got to do with it?" he asked. "Well, he just got jealous of me," Uncle Joe explained. "Everyone thought I was the foreman."

» Golden Gate bridge

Today, December 15, in
1654 A meteorological office established in Tuscany began 
 recording daily temperature readings.
1791 In the U.S., the first ten amendments to the Constitution, 
 known as the Bill of Rights, went into effect.
1840 Napoleon Bonaparte's remains were interred in Les 
 Invalides in Paris, having been brought from St. Helena
1854 In Philadelphia, the first street cleaning machine 
1877 Thomas Edison patented the phonograph.
1890 American Sioux Indian Chief Sitting Bull and 11 other 
 tribe members were killed in Grand River, SD, during an 
 incident with Indian police working for the U.S. government.
1939 "Gone With the Wind," produced by David O. Selznick 
 based on the novel by Margaret Mitchell, premiered at 
 Loew's Grand Theater in Atlanta. The movie starred Vivien 
 Leigh and Clark Gable.
1944 A single-engine plane carrying U.S. Army Major Glenn 
 Miller disappeared in thick fog over the English Channel 
 while en route to Paris.
1944 American forces invaded Mindoro Island in the Philippines.
1961 Former Nazi official Adolf Eichmann was sentenced to death 
 in Jerusalem by an Israeli court. He had been tried on charges 
 for organizing the deportation of Jews to concentration camps.
1961 The U.N. General Assembly voted against a Soviet proposal 
 to admit Communist China as a member.
1964 Canada's House of Commons approved a newly designed flag 
 thereby dropping the Canadian "Red Ensign" flag.
1965 Two U.S. manned spacecraft, Gemini 6 and Gemini 7, maneuvered 
 within 10 feet of each other while in orbit around the Earth.
1966 Walter Elias "Walt" Disney died in Los Angeles 
 at the age of 65.
1970 The Soviet probe Venera 7 became the first spacecraft 
 to land softly on the surface of Venus. The probe only 
 survived the extreme heat and pressure for about 23 minutes 
 and transmitted the first data received on Earth from the 
 surface of another planet.
1973 J. Paul Getty III was found in southern Italy after 
 being held captive for five months, during which his right 
 ear was cut off and sent to a newspaper in Rome.
1978 U.S. President Carter announced he would grant diplomatic 
 recognition to Communist China on New Year's Day and sever 
 official relations with Taiwan.
1979 The former shah of Iran, Muhammad Riza Pahlavi, left the 
 United States for Panama. He had gone to the U.S. for medical 
 treatment on October 22, 1979.
1982 Gibraltar's frontier with Spain was opened to pedestrian 
 use after 13 years.
1983 The last 80 U.S. combat soldiers in Grenada withdrew. 
 It was just over seven weeks after the U.S.-led invasion 
 of the Caribbean island.
1989 An uprising in Romania began as demonstrators gathered 
 to prevent the arrest of the Reverend Laszlo Tokes, a 
 dissident clergyman.
1992 IBM announced it would eliminate 25-thousand employees 
 in the coming year.
1992 El Salvador's government and leftist guerrilla leaders 
 formally declared the end of the country's 12-year civil war.
1995 The U.N. Security Council authorized NATO to take over 
 the peacekeeping operations in Bosnia.
1996 Boeing Co. announced plans to pay $13.3 billion to 
 acquire rival aircraft manufacturer McDonnell Douglas Corp.
1999 Syria reopened peace talks with Israel in Washington, DC, 
 with the mediation of U.S. President Clinton.
2000 The Chernobyl atomic power plant in Kiev, Ukraine, 
 was shut down.
2000 New York Senator-elect Hillary Rodham Clinton agreed 
 to accept an $8 million book deal with Simon & Schuster. 
 The book was to be about her eight years in the White House. 
 The advance was the highest ever to be paid to a member 
 of the U.S. Congress.
2001 It was announced that Siena Heights University would 
 begin offering a class called "Animated Philosophy and 
 Religion." The two-credit class would cover how religion 
 and philosophy are part of popular culture and is based 
 on the television series "The Simpsons."
2013  smiled.

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Larger clock 

Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, December 11.

Today, Wednesday, I have to go into Calgary for
injections into my eyeballs. That means no newsletters on
Thursday, Friday and  Saturday. On Saturday I hope to be
able to write and send out the Sunday issue.

Home4Christmas.com is for sale. The sale of this domain name includes a quarter year hosting, and a basic site design. You have to gather the pictures yourself, though, and put some text together. The text can be in email or word processor or text file, or HTML, if you are already familiar with it. Once you have your own site, you can, of course edit and expand at any time. I will just make a headstart desgn for you, if you want that.
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to Florida Teacher gets 38 years for fixing a 12 year old boy's virginity Details at International Bonehead Awards
Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. --- Sidney J. Harris
At one of the last all girl schools in Dallas years ago, the instructor in a "Charm Course" was urging her students to give their escorts every chance to be gallant. "Remain seated in the truck until he has had time to step around and open the door for you." she said. Then, returning to reality, she added, "But... if the big, dumb galoot is in the restaurant flirting at the waitress -- don't wait any longer."

A business associate of mine decided it was time to shed some excess pounds. He took his new diet seriously, even changing his driving route to avoid his favorite bakery. One morning, however, he arrived at work carrying a gigantic coffeecake. We all scolded him, but his smile remained cherubic. "This is a very special coffeecake," he explained. "I accidentally drove by the bakery this morning and there in the window were a host of goodies. I felt this was no accident, so I prayed, `Lord, if you want me to have one of those delicious coffeecakes, let me have a parking place directly in front of the bakery.' "And sure enough," he continued, "the eighth time around the block, there it was!"
Thanks to dad for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ethel Anderson, Hillsborough County, Floriduh Florida Teacher gets 38 years for fixing a 12 year old boy's virginity Reported by Tom W. A Hillsborough County judge told Ethel Anderson she 'groomed' a student 'for her own deviant' purposes before sentencing her to 38 years behind bars. Anderson, an award winning teacher, was found guilty of nine counts of sex crime charges. "Despite what the court might see, I am not a sexual predator," Anderson told the judge Monday. Prosecutors say Anderson lured a 12-year-old boy into a sexual affair using text messages. They presented more than 230 pages of text messages between Anderson and the victim. In a move that seemingly backfired, Anderson took the stand in her own defense and told jurors the texts were all "fantasy" and used them as a teaching tool to keep the boy's attention. "You groomed this child," said Hillsborough Circuit Judge Chet Tharpe. Tharpe also said Anderson manipulated the boy's parents into believing he was safe while with her. Anderson, mom to a six-year-old, was led away in cuffs to begin her 38 year sentence. Last December, she resigned from Mango Elementary School. The boy has since transferred schools. "Anger and hatred don't even begin to explain how I feel about what you took from my son," said the boy's mother in a written statement read by prosecutors. "His innocence is lost forever." --------------- Awwww! When my mom (correctly) guessed, that my innocence was lost forever, she slipped a 6-pack of condoms into my lunch bag. Not a word was said about it. No drama, but then, in those days, there was no texting or anything, that could be used against anybody. Sure, there was poetry, in rhyme and rythm, as pay per lay, but without any name and most carefully without mentioning anything, that could point to any certain, ahem, individual. In those days, we had class! I realized much later, that a juvenile with the urge can crank out a lot more poetry, than he can during the rest of his life. I sure did not miss my forever lost innocence, but became a very prolific juvenile poet! :D Tech Support Pits From: Inga Re: Large clock Dear Webby I realized that Microslop can't handle desktop gadgets like the clock any more, and the add-on gadgets on the net come with really sleazy viruses like Nav-Link. Thanks to your warning I stopped the installation before it did anything. So, what is a girl to do when she wants a big clock suitable for senior eyes? Thanks Inga Dear Inga Try Roman Clock Classic Roman Clock Click for bigger sample
If you go to http://www.beeks.eu you can download and install a pack of screen savers, including that Roman clock, the "Polish Digital Clock" by Yugo Nakamura, and even a classic Mickey Mouse clock. Fourteen different clocks. They are all clean screen savers, If anybody is interested, I'll write about how to make a Boss key to instantly launch a screen saver and hide from the boss that you are playing "Revenge of the bimbos" on company time. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cheese Grater Tip Before you begin grating cheese, brush a little vegetable oil on the grater. It will clean easier when you are finished. By Sandy from Graettinger IA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Inscribed in stone over the great front doors of an old church being restored was: "This is the Gate of Heaven." Just below it someone had placed a small cardboard sign which read: "CLOSED Use Other Entrance"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A famous author was autographing copies of his new novel in a Cleveland department store. One gentleman pleased him by bringing up not only his new book for signature, but reprint editions of his two previous ones as well. "My wife likes your stuff," he remarked apologetically, "I thought I'd give her these signed copies for a birthday present." "A surprise, eh?" hazarded the author. "I'll say," agreed the customer. "She's expecting a Jeep."
An "air freshener" salesman goes to an executive building to market his product to a prospective buyer. He steps in to an empty elevator and presses the 10th floor button. Just as the doors close, he lets out a God-awful fart. He then can feel the elevator stopping on the fifth floor and he knows that someone will be stepping on so he quickly sprays his new "Pine-Scented" air freshener to cover his tracks. The person that was on the 5th floor steps onto the elevator. The salesman decides that this is a good opportunity to test his product's quality so he asks the man, "Excuse me sir, could you kindly tell me what you smell?" The man replies, "Yeah, smells like a turkey with diahrea hiding in a Christmas Tree".

» Peppermint

Today, December 11, in
1719 The first recorded sighting of the Aurora Borealis was 
 in New England.
1769 Edward Beran of London patented venetian blinds.
1792 France's King Louis XVI went before the Convention, 
 which had replaced the National Assembly, to face charges 
 of treason. He was convicted and condemned and was sent 
 to the guillotine the following January.
1844 Dr. Horace Wells became the first person to have a 
 tooth extracted after receiving an anesthetic for the 
 dental procedure. Nitrous Oxide, or laughing gas, was used.
1882 Boston's Bijou Theater had its first performance. First 
 American playhouse lit exclusively by electricity.
1894 The world's first motor show opened in Paris with nine 
1930 The Bank of the United States in New York failed.
1936 Britain's King Edward VIII abdicated in order to marry 
 American Wallis Warfield Simpson. He became the Duke of 
1937 The Fascist Council in Rome, withdrew Italy from the 
 League of Nations.
1941 Germany and Italy declared war on the United States. 
 The U.S in turn declared war on the two countries.
1961 The first direct American military support for South 
 Vietnam occurred when a U.S. aircraft carrier carrying 
 Army helicopters arrived in Saigon.
1973 West German Chancellor Willy Brandt and Czech Prime 
 Minister Lubomir Strougal formally nullified the 1938 
 Munich pact when they had signed a treaty sanctioning 
 Hitler's seizure of Czechoslovakia's German speaking 
1980 U.S. President Jimmy Carter signed into law legislation 
 creating $1.6 billion environmental "superfund" that would 
 be used to pay for cleaning up chemical spills and toxic 
 waste dumps.
1981 Muhammad Ali fought his last fight. He lost his 61st 
 fight to Trevor Berbick.
1985 General Electric Company agreed to buy RCA Corporation 
 for $6.3 billion. Also included in the deal was NBC Radio 
 and Television.
1987 Charlie Chaplin's trademark cane and bowler hat were 
 sold at Christie's for £82,500.
1988 62 people were killed in a Mexico City marketplace when 
 tons of illegal fireworks exploded.
1990 Ivana Trump was divorced from Donald Trump after 12 
 years of marriage.
1991 Salman Rushdie, under an Islamic death sentence for 
 blasphemy, made his first public appearance since 1989 in 
 New York, at a dinner marking the 200th anniversary of 
 the First Amendment (which guarantees freedom of speech 
 in the U.S.).
1994 Thousands of Russian troops, armored columns and jets 
 entered Chechnya. The move by Moscow was an effort to 
 restore control the breakaway republic.
1994 The world's largest free trade zone was created when 
 leaders of 34 Western Hemisphere nations signed a free-trade 
 declaration known as "The Miami Process."
1997 Sinn Fein leader Gerry Adams became the first political 
 ally of the IRA to meet a British leader in 76 years. He 
 conferred with Prime Minister Tony Blair in London.
1997 More than 150 countries agreed at a global warming 
 conference in Kyoto, Japan, to control the Earth's 
 "greenhouse gases." Canada thought it was BS and abstained.
1998 The Mars Climate Orbiter blasted off on a nine-month 
 journey to the Red Planet. However, the probe disappeared 
 in September of 1999, apparently destroyed because scientists 
 had failed to convert English measures to metric values.
2000 Mario Lemeiux, owner of Pittsburgh Penquins, announced 
 that he would end his three-plus year retirement and become 
 an active National Hockey League (NHL) player again. When 
 Lemieux returned officially he became the first owner/player 
 in NHL history.
2001 It was announced that U.S. President George W. Bush would 
 withdraw the U.S. from the 1972 Anti-Ballistic Missile Treaty 
 with Russia.
2001 Federal agents seized computers in 27 U.S. cities as part 
 of "Operation Buccaneer." The raids were used to gain evidence 
 against an international software piracy ring.
2013  smiled.

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IE opening in too small windows 

Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, December 10.

Tomorrow, Wednesday, I have to go into Calgary for
injections into my eyeballs. That means no newsletters on
Thursday, Friday and  Saturday. On Saturday I hope to be
able to write the Sunday issue.

Home4Christmas.com is for sale. The sale of this domain name includes a quarter year hosting, and a basic site design. You have to gather the pictures yourself, though, and put some text together. The text can be in email or word processor or text file, or HTML, if you are already familiar with it. Once you have your own site, you can, of course edit and expand at any time. I will just make a headstart desgn for you, if you want that.
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a a man who overslept in an airplane Details at International Bonehead Awards
Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door. --- Paul Beatty I can believe anything, provided that it is quite incredible. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900),
Thanks to Russ for this classic: Joe was moderately successful in his career, but as he got older, he was increasingly hampered by incredible headaches. When his personal hygiene and love life started to suffer, he sought medical help. After being referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across a doctor who solved his problem. "The good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine. The pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles." Joe was shocked and depressed.....but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital, his mind was clear, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He walked past a men's clothing store and thought "That's what I need, a new suit." He entered the shop and told the salesman "I'd like a new suit." The salesman eyed him briefly and said "Let's see....44 long." Joe laughed "That's right. How did you know?” The salesman replied “It's my job." Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked "How about a new shirt?" Joe thought for a moment and then said "Sure." The salesman eyed Joe and said "Let's see.....34 sleeve and.... 16½ neck." Joe was surprised. "That's right. How did you know?" The salesman replied "It's my job." Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly. As Joe adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman asked "How about new shoes?" Joe was on a roll and said "Sure." The salesman eyed Joe's feet and said "Lets see.... 9 1/2 wide." Joe was astonished. "That's right. How did you know?" "It's my job" was the answer. Joe tried on the shoes, and they fit perfectly. Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about a new hat?" Without hesitating Joe said "Sure." The salesman eyed Joe's head and said "Lets see.....7 3/4" Joe was incredulous. "That's right!" How did you know?" "It's my job." The hat fit perfectly. Joe was feeling great when the salesman asked "How about some new underwear?" Joe thought for a second and said "Sure." The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said "Let's see....size 36." Joe laughed "No, I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old." The salesman shook his head. "You can't wear a size 34. It would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache."

While we are having fun with Classics, Roland sent this one: Boudreaux was feeling guilty, so he went to confession. "Father, I kinda took a little lumber from that new construction site." Priest: "What did you do with the lumber, my son?" Boudreaux: "Well, Father, my porch, she's had a hole for a long time. I'm 'fraid someone will break their leg, so I fix the hole." Priest: "Well, that's not so bad." Boudreaux: "Well, Father, I had a little lumber left." Priest: "What did you do with it?" Boudreaux: "Well, my poor dog, Phideaux, he ain't never had no place to get outta the weather, so I make him his own little doghouse." Priest: "OK, anything else?" Boudreaux: "Well, Father, I had a little lumber left. So you know, my truck, she ain't never had no place to get outta de weather either, so I make her a two-car garage." Priest: "Now, this is getting a little out of hand." Boudreaux: "Well, Father, I still had a little lumber left." Priest: "Yes?" Boudreaux: "Well, my wife, she always want a bigger house. So I add two bedrooms and a new bathroom." Priest: "OK! That's definitely too much. For your penance, you are going to have to make a Novena. You do know how to make a Novena, don't you?" Boudreaux: "No, Father ... but if you got the plans, I got the lumber."
Thanks to dad for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Depree Johnson, 19, Lake Worth, Floriduh Felon posted pictures of himself with burglared guns A Florida felon is back in jail after uploading photos to his Instagram page showing him posing with firearms. Police raided Depree Johnson’s Lake Worth home last week after investigators spotted the incriminating images of the 19-year-old on the photo-sharing web site. Johnson’s rap sheet includes convictions for grand theft, burglary, and felon in possession of a firearm. As seen above, one of the Instagram photos shows Johnson holding two handguns. Detectives with the Palm Beach County Sheriff’s Office recently examined Johnson’s Instagram account as they were investigating his possible involvement in a series of burglaries. The search of Johnson’s home turned up numerous pieces of stolen jewelry and a pair of stolen firearms. As a result, Johnson was arrested and booked into the county jail on 142 criminal counts. Tech Support Pits From: Jaye Re: IE opening in too small size windows Dear Webby: I made 4 links one quarter there size--- Had all four show on my desktop at once--- was neat--- except now--- almost every thing I open--- opens to one quarter its size and I have to click maximize. You had a tech tip once that dealt with just that problem--- did not need it so I deleted it- Webby, where I go to click open all windows in full screen?? Thanks so much for all your help. Jaye Dear Jaye Close all browser windows but one. Open a new window from a link on the remaining window. Close the old window (not the new one that just opened up). Adjust the window to be the size you want all the new windows to be (you cannot use the maximize button for this, you have to actually squish or stretch the size of the window to be what you want the windows to automatically open up as). Hold down the CTRL key while closing the window. From now on, all your new windows should open up to that size until perform a similar process telling IE that you want all new windows to be the new size. Most likely what occurred is that you manually sized a window to that size, closed it, and IE remembered that as your preferred window size. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Tennis Ball for Pulling Into the Garage Take a ping ping ball and pierce a hole in it on each side (2 holes). Thread a string through it and tie in your garage against the car windshield to the exact place where you need to pull in the garage for a perfect fit. No more hitting the garage back or closing the door on your car! Source: My father in law! By Rae G. You can tie anything to the string. At one time it used to be fashionale to tie a little yellow duck squeaky toy to the string. Anything works. I have seen even beer bottles, to make an audible CLICK on the windshield. That is handy in dark garages, especially when you turn your lights off early, to ensure a better charge of the battery. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
>From Frannie Our pastor was winding down the service. In the back of the church, the fellowship committee stood to go to the church hall and prepare snacks for the congregation. Seeing them rise, Pastor Michael singled them out for praise. "Before they all slip out," he urged, "let's give these ladies a big hand in the rear."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A man parked his car at the supermarket and was walking past a row of empty shopping carts when the cart-girl standing there called after him, "Excuse me, did you want that cart?" "No," he answered. "I'm only after one thing." As he walked into the store, he heard her say, "Typical male!"
Thanks tp Russ for bringing back this classic: Little Jenny answered the door when the census taker came by. "My daddy is a doctor and he isn't home because he's performing an appendectomy." "My," said the census taker, "that sure is a big word for such a little girl. Do you know what appendectomy means?" "Oh, sure: Twenty-five-hundred bucks straight up. Of course, that doesn't include the anesthesiologist!"

» Peppermint

Today, December 10, in
1520 Martin Luther publicly burned the papal edict. 
 The papacy had demanded that he recant or face excommunication. 
 Luther refused and was formally expelled from the church in 
 January 1521.
1845 British civil engineer Robert Thompson patented the first 
 pneumatic tires.
1869 Women were granted the right to vote in the Wyoming 
1898 A treaty was signed in Paris that officially ended the 
 Spanish-American War. Also, Cuba became independent of Spain.
1901 The first Nobel prizes were awarded.
1906 U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt became the first 
 American to be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, for helping 
 mediate an end to the Russo-Japanese War.
1941 Japan invaded the Philippines.
1941 The Royal Naval battleships Prince of Wales and Repulse
 were sunk by Japanese aircraft in the Battle of Malaya.
1953 Hugh Hefner published the first "Playboy" magazine with 
 an investment of $7,600.
1958 The first domestic passenger jet flight took place in the 
 U.S. when 111 passengers flew from New York to Miami on a 
 National Airlines Boeing 707.
1982 The Law of the Sea Convention was signed by 118 countries 
 in Montego Bay, Jamaica. 23 nations and the U.S. were 
1990 The U.S. Food & Drug Administration approved Norplant, 
 a long-acting contraceptive implant.
1993 The crew of the space shuttle Endeavor deployed the 
 repaired Hubble Space Telescope into Earth's orbit.
1996 South Africa's President Mandela signed into law a 
 new democratic constitution, completing the country's 
 transition from white-minority rule to a black majority
1998 Six astronauts opened the doors to the new international 
 space station 250 miles above the Earth's surface.
2003 The U.S. barred firms based in certain countries, opponents 
 of the Iraq war, from bidding on Iraqi reconstruction projects. 
 The ban did not prevent companies from winning subcontracts.
2007 Cristina Fernandez was sworn in as Argentina's first elected 
 female president. 
2013  smiled.

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Yahoo mail crashing the browser 

Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, December 9.

Home4Christmas.com is for sale. The sale of this domain name includes a quarter year hosting, and a basic site design. You have to gather the pictures yourself, though, and put some text together. The text can be in email or word processor or text file, or HTML, if you are already familiar with it. Once you have your own site, you can, of course edit and expand at any time. I will just make a headstart desgn for you, if you want that.
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a a man who overslept in an airplane Details at International Bonehead Awards
Yesterday we were the coldest spot in North America with -44 degrees, not accounting for wind chill. That was just in the morning. Later in the day it warmed up considerably. I was at Home Depot today and since the lady near the entrance seemed rather bored, I told her I needed a screw. Without batting an eyelid she told me: "Isle 34, behind the carpets." There is no isle 34. I grinned and asked her how many people actually walked all the way down to the end at isle 30. She told me that almost all of the ones who asked apparently did, without doubting her advce. Since we were alredy smart-assing and not very serious at all, I asked her: "And what about after work?" She held out her left fist, showing a wedding ring, and told me: "Can't. I have a head-ache license and have to cook." "Awwwww! poor girl!" We parted laughing. I know, wood screws are in isle 11. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so. --- Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001) To have striven, to have made the effort, to have been true to certain ideals - this alone is worth the struggle." --- William Penn
Bambi, an airhead in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her US government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about. Bambi pondered the question, then finally said, "That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware."

A small, uncertain, and nervous witness was being cross- examined. The lawyer thundered, "Have you ever been married?" "Yes, sir," said the witness in a low voice. "Once." "Whom did you marry?" demanded the lawyer. "Well, a woman," the humble witness replied. The lawyer said angrily, "Of course you married a woman. Did you ever hear of anyone marrying a man?" The witness replied, "MY mother did did."
Thanks to dad for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Original type Christmas Cactus, with a fire engine red hybrid below it.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Tom Wagner, Overslept on United Express plane A man who fell asleep flying from Louisiana woke up at his layover in Houston, inside a dark, empty and locked plane. Tom Wagner says that the United Express crew left him in the plane, even after he alerted authorities through his girlfriend, for more than 30 minutes, according to ABC News. The fiasco started on Friday when he fell asleep in a window seat near the back of the airplane. When everyone deplaned at the layover, nobody woke Wagner up. He woke up in a pitch-black and cold cabin, and the aircraft doors were locked. Luckily, his cell phone wasn't dead. "I called my girlfriend, and she thought I was crazy. I said, 'Debbie I'm locked on the plane,'" he told ABC. "I said, 'I'm telling you the truth. You better go somewhere and get me off this plane." Half an hour later, workers boarded the aircraft and rescued Wagner. He told KVEO that they wanted him to keep the incident quiet, and put him up in a nearby hotel and gave him a $250 flight voucher to make the ordeal go away. Tech Support Pits From: Pat Re: Yahoo Mail crashing Dear Webby: My Yahoo mail is getting shut down almost every time I use it by my I/E. I guess the only alternative is to download another browser like Foxfire, right? I would appreciate your advice on this one. I think a lot of people are having this problem. Could it be that Microsoft is trying to force us to give up the old version of I/E to use the new and flawed version of I/E? What a buncha commies! Pat Dear Pat Nah, that's just a routine Yahoo screw-up. There have not been any changes to IE. Try Google's gmail. That works. I also read that Yahoo mail works Ok on mobile devices, just not on desktop computers and laptops any more. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Acetone to Clean Whiteboard I tried all the other methods listed and none were satisfactory. I put some acetone on the white board and everything from sticky residue to caked-on ink came off immediately without streaking. I washed with soap and dried and it looks and works like new! By Keith B. Buy Acetone by the Gallon for less at Home Depot than a half pint at the craft stroe! HaveFUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A man picked up is young son from school to take him to a dental appointment. Knowing the parts for the school play were supposed to be posted that morning, he asked his son if he got a part in the play. With great enthusiasm, the boy said that he had and said, "I play a man who's been married for twenty years." "That's great, son," the dad said. "Keep up the good work and before you know it, they'll give you a speaking part."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took baby Jesus with them to Jerusalem. A small child replied, "They couldn't get a baby-sitter."
Little Johnny was laying about on a snow pile. Puffy white clouds rolled by and he pondered their shape. Soon, he began to think about God. "God? Are you really there?" Johnny said out loud. To his astonishment a voice came from the clouds. "Yes, Johnny? What can I do for you?" Seizing the opportunity, Johnny asked, "God? What is a million years like to you?" Knowing that Johnny could not understand the concept of infinity, God responded in a manner to which Johnny could relate, "A million years to me, Johnny, is like a minute." "Oh," said Johnny. "Well, then, what's a million dollars like to you?" "A million dollars to me, Johnny, is like a penny." "Wow!" remarked Johnny, getting an idea. "You're so generous...can I have one of your pennies?" God replied, "Sure thing, Johnny! Just a minute."

» Marine Toys

Today, December 8, in
1594 Gustavus II of Sweden was born.
1783 The first executions at Newgate Prison took place.
1879 Thomas Edison organized the Edison Ore Milling Company.
1884 Levant M. Richardson received a patent for the 
 ball-bearing roller skate.
1917 Turkish troops surrendered Jerusalem to British troops 
 led by Viscount Allenby.
1940 During World War II, British troops opened their first 
 major offensive in North Africa.
1940 The Longines Watch Company signed for the first FM 
 radio advertising contract with experimental station 
 W2XOR in New York City.
1941 China declared war on Japan, Germany and Italy.
1955 Sugar Ray Robinson knocked out Carl Olson and 
 regained his world middleweight boxing title.
1958 In Indianapolis, IN, Robert H.W. Welch Jr. and 11 
 other men met to form the anti-Communist John Birch Society.
1960 Sperry Rand Corporation unveiled a new computer, 
 known as "Univac 1107."
1962 "Lawrence of Arabia," by David Lean had its world 
 premiere in London.
1975 U.S. President Gerald R. Ford signed a $2.3 billion 
 seasonal loan authorization to prevent New York City from 
 having to default.
1985 In Argentina, five former military junta members 
 received sentences in prison for their roles in the 
 "dirty war" in which nearly 9,000 people had "disappeared."
1987 West Bank Palestinians launched an intifada (uprising) 
 against Israeli occupation.
1990 Lech Walesa won Poland's first direct presidential 
 election in the country's history.
1990 Slobodan Milosovic was elected president in Serbia's 
 first free elections in 50 years.
1991 European Community leaders agreed to begin using 
 a single currency in 1999.
1992 Britain's Prince Charles and Princess Diana announced 
 their separation.
1993 The U.S. Air Force destroyed the first of 500 Minuteman II
 missile silos that were marked for elimination under an arms 
 control treaty.
1993 Astronauts aboard the space shuttle Endeavor completed 
 repairs to the Hubble Space Telescope.
1993 At Princeton University in New Jersey, scientists 
 produced a controlled fusion reaction equivalent to 
 3 million watts.
1994 U.S. President Clinton fired Surgeon General Joycelyn 
 Elders after learning that she had told a conference that 
 masturbation should be discussed in school as a part of 
 human sexuality.
2002 United Airlines filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy after 
 losing $4 billion in the previos two years. It was the 
 sixth largest bankruptcy filing.
2013  smiled.

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Is Yahoo broken or bent on purpose? 

Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, December 7.

Home4Christmas.com is for sale. The sale of this domain name includes a quarter year hosting, and a basic site design. You have to gather the pictures yourself, though, and put some text together. The text can be in email or word processor or text file, or HTML, if you are already familiar with it. Once you have your own site, you can, of course edit and expand at any time. I will just make a headstart desgn for you, if you want that.
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Texas doctor, who had a Love triangle meltdown Details at International Bonehead Awards
A few readers asked about the Swedish Christmas goat, whether it is still standing and what is going on. "Jul Bocken" as he's called in Swedish, helps the Swedish type of Santa to deliver the gifts, to be put under the tree by the 24th of Dec.,as that's the time for the opening of the presents. The biggest of the Jul Bocken is in the town of Gavle. As of this writinig, the Gavlebocken is still standing tall, covered with a little bit of snow, and not even singed. In case you don't know, the Gavlebocken or Christmas Goat is located in Gavle, Sweden, and made from straw. Weight: 3.6 tonnes (8,000 lb) Height (horns): 13 metres (42.7 feet) Withers height: 7,6 metres (25 feet) Length: 7 metres (23 feet) The straw is delivered by Mackmyra Swedish Whisky. Every year, some vandals try to burn the goat down before Christmas. One year they even tried, unsuccessfully, to kidnap it with a helicopter. The struggle between the town and the goat burners is not really religious. Nobody really knows for sure whether the goat is the one, who pulled Thor's carriage, or is from the stable in Bethlehem, or both. And they don't really care. It is mostly just a race or competition between keeping the Christmas Goat alive till Christmas, versus burning it down. Usually the vandals win. Here is last year's fire: The live webcam of this year's Christmas Goat is at That picture is NOT the live web cam, just a screen shot I took from the live webcam, and a link to the live web cam. Bookmark it and check on the Christmas Goat now and then! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Crime does not pay ... as well as politics. --- Alfred E. Newman If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk? --- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988)
This woman wanted a face lift. The surgeon told her about a new procedure called "The Knob", where a small knob is placed on the top of a woman's head and can be turned to tighten up her skin to produce the effect of a brand new face lift. Of course, the woman wanted "The Knob." Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob, and the effects were wonderful, the woman remained young looking and vibrant. After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems: "All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had to turn the knob many times and I've always loved the results. But now I've developed two annoying problems: First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them." The doctor looked at her closely and said, "Those aren't bags, those are your breasts." She said, "Well, I guess there's no point in asking about the goatee."

> Thanks to Sandie for this story: Southern Grandmother on the Witness Stand: Lawyers should never ask a Southern grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer. In a trail, a southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Wack-off Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you" The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?" She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Brainless Bradley since he was a youngster too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife With three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know Brainless Bradley". The defense attorney almost died. The judge promptly asked both lawyers to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to jail and personally throw away the key!"
Click on the picture for the large version Potted Fox
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: MitrePeak-Milford-Sound-Fiordland-New-Zealand Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jeff Fleming, 53, Reno, Nevada Love Triangle Meltdown Leads To Doctor's Arrest A Texas doctor involved in a love triangle broke into the Houston home of a romantic rival and scrawled the words “Whore” and “Homewrecker” in red lipstick on a bathroom mirror, cops allege. Angela Siler-Fisher, 42, is facing misdemeanor harassment and trespassing charges stemming from her alleged break-in Sunday at the residence of Marcelle Mallery, a 35-year-old radiologist. Siler-Fisher (seen above) is a medical director at Houston’s Ben Taub General Hospital and teaches at the Baylor College of Medicine. Her husband Brandon, 43, is a radiologist. According to a criminal complaint, Brandon Fisher called Mallery to warn that his wife “was coming to her house.” Mallery told cops that she was in fear for herself and her children, so she fled the residence. Mallery told investigators that she received two phone calls from Siler-Fisher as she was en route to the home. Siler-Fisher, Mallery said, warned that she was "going to beat her fucking ass, whore” and “dislocate her vagina.” Surveillance videos revealed that Siler-Fisher entered Mallery’s home by “kicking in the doggy door.” Once inside the sprawling home, she wrote “Whore” and “Homewrecker” in red lipstick on a bathroom mirror. Pictured below, Mallery told police that Siler-Fischer texted her a photo showing Mallery’s bedroom. Police also report that Siler-Fisher left unused condoms on each step of a stairway inside Mallery’s home. Siler-Fisher is scheduled to be arraigned in Harris County District Court on December 11. Tech Support Pits From: many Re: Is Yahoo broken or dead? >From Crazyefa Been using yahoo email for years since 95. Don't use web interface much any more with mobile apps. >From Jorge Regarding Yahoo, recently they have taken to showing a message that my screen settings are below their recommended 1024 x 600 pixels: That's O.K (however my screen is set to 1152 x 852) It used to let me hit "continue" and then open the email site... But now it just freezes there; shows a quick flash of the first page, then goes back to the notice message... I have to use a special code (copy of a past Firefox code for the page) to get to see my yahoo email at all.... >From Randall I have used yahoo mail for a long while for gaming info and unimportant things. All else of my important emails i run thru my gmail account and have learned a long time ago that Yahoo mail is not reliable. Since going to gmail for my valued items, I have not missed a issue of your newsletter. And since yahoo has redone their appearance with the email I have noticed a lot more people are complaining about that too... etc. It sure looks like they want to force all the yahoos to stop using computers and to switch to mobile devices. Yahoo probably gets a kick-back from the carriers for every time you go to Yahoo with your mobile device. Well, there are plenty of alternatives, that you can upgrade to. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Tar and Grease from Clothing For removing tar and grease from clothing, I first use some WD-40 and work it into the spot until it starts to break down. Then I use some cream-type hand cleaner (available at an auto-parts store) and rub that into the remaining spot. Then, if needed, I use a small bit of baby shampoo and warm water to remove anything that is left before tossing in the clothes washer. This has always worked with even the hardest roofing tars and auto grease stains. Good Luck! By Terence R. "Cream Type Handcleaner" is also sold at mot hardware stores as "Waterless Handcleaner". It gets stiff in the cold, but does not freeze, and does not burst the container, when it warms up. It's a good thing to have in your trunk in winter. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Sad News There will be no Nativity Scene in Washington, DC this year! The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene in Washington, DC this Christmas season. This isn't for any religious reason, they simply have not been able to find three wise men and a virgin in the Nation's capitol. There was no problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the stable.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A Somali arrives in Toronto as a new immigrant to Canada. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, " Thank you Mr. Canadian for letting me in this country, giving me housing, foods vouchers, free medical care and free education!" The passer-by says, "You are mistaken, I am Mexican" The man goes on and encounters another passer-by. "Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in Canada!" The person says, "I no Canadian, I Vietnamese." The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says "Thank you for the wonderful Canada!" That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Middle East, I am not Canadian!" He finally sees a nice lady and asks "Are you a Canadian?" She says, "No, I am from Russia!" Puzzled he asks her, "Where are all the Canadians?" The Russian lady checks her watch and says: "Probably at work!"
An airhead was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The airhead replies, "Oh, that's easy...W."

» Canadian Pacific Christmas Train

Today, December 8, in
1765 Eli Whitney was born in Westboro, MA. Whitney invented
 the cotton gin and developed the concept of mass-production 
 of interchangeable parts, that fit different devices.
1776 George Washington's retreating army in the American 
 Revolution crossed the Delaware River from New Jersey to 
1854 Pope Pius IX proclaimed the dogma of the Immaculate 
 Conception. The theory holds that Mary, mother of Jesus, 
 was free of original sin from the moment she was conceived.
1863 U.S. President Abraham Lincoln announced his plan for 
 the Reconstruction of the South.
1863 Tom King of England defeated American John Heenan and 
 became the first world heavyweight champion.
1941 The United States entered World War II when it declared 
 war against Japan. The act came one day after the Japanese 
 attacked Pearl Harbor. Britain and Canada also declared war 
 on Japan.
1949 The Chinese Nationalist government moved from the Chinese 
 mainland to Formosa (Taiwan) due to Communists pressure.
1962 Workers of the International Typographical Union began 
 striking and closed nine New York City newspapers. The strike 
 lasted 114 days and ended April 1, 1963.
1980 Zimbabwe’s manpower minister, Edgar Tekere, was found 
 guilty in the killing of a white farmer. He was freed under 
 a law that protected ministers acting to suppress terrorism.
1982 Norman D. Mayer demanding an end to nuclear weapons held 
 the Washington Monument hostage. He threatened to blow it up 
 with explosives he claimed were inside a van. 10 hours later 
 he was shot to death by police.
1984 In Roanoke, Virginia, a jury found Hustler magazine 
 publisher Larry Flynt innocent of libeling Reverend Jerry 
 Falwell with a parody advertisement. However Falwell was 
 awarded $200,000 for emotional distress.
1987 U.S. President Reagan and Soviet leader Mikhail S. 
 Gorbachev signed a treaty agreeing to destroy their nations' 
 arsenals of intermediate-range nuclear missiles.
1987 The "intefadeh" (Arabic for uprising) by Palestinians in 
 the Israeli-occupied territories began.
1989 Communist leaders in Czechoslovakia offered to surrender 
 their control over the government and accept a minority role 
 in a coalition Cabinet.
1991 Russia, Byelorussia and Ukraine declared the Soviet 
 national government to be dead. They forged a new alliance 
 to be known as the Commonwealth of Independent States. The 
 act was denounced by Russian President Gorbachev as 
1992 Americans got to see live television coverage of U.S. 
 troops landing on the beaches of Somalia during Operation 
 Restore Hope.
1993 U.S. President Clinton signed into law the North 
 American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA).
1997 The second largest bank was created with the announcement 
 that Union Bank Switzerland and the Swiss Bank Corporation 
 would merge. The combined assets were more than $590 billion.
1997 Jenny Shipley was sworn in as the first female prime 
 minister of New Zealand.
1998 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that police could not search 
 a person or their cars after ticketing for a routine traffic 
1998 The FBI opened its files on Frank Sinatra to the public. 
 The file contained over 1,300 pages.
1998 AT&T Corp. announced that it was buying IBM's data 
 networking business for $5 billion cash.
1998 The first female ice hockey game in Olympic history 
 was played. Finland beat Sweden 6-0.
1999 Russia and Belarus agreed in principle to form an 
 economic and political confederation.
2000 Mario Lemieux announced to the Pittsburgh Penguins 
 that he planned to return to the National Hockey League (NHL) 
 as a player at age 35. He would be the first modern 
 owner-player in U.S. pro sports. 
2013  smiled.

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Is Yahoo dead or just broken? 

Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, December 7.

Home4Christmas.com is for sale. The sale of this domain name includes a quarter year hosting, and a basic site design. You have to gather the pictures yourself, though, and put some text together. The text can be in email or word processor or text file, or HTML, if you are already familiar with it. Once you have your own site, you can, of course edit and expand at any time. I will just make a headstart desgn for you, if you want that.
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a bonehead, who shot a golfer, who broke a window on his house at the 16th hole of a golf course. Details at International Bonehead Awards
-29, wind chill -40 Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

It is useless to attempt to reason a man out of a thing he was never reasoned into. --- Jonathan Swift (1667 - 1745)
A mother's four-year-old daughter was attending her first performance of the Ice Capades. She was so mesmerised that she wouldn't budge from her seat even during intermission, watching the activity while the ice was cleaned. At the end of the show, she exclaimed, "I know what I want to be when I grow up!" The mother envisioned her on the ice in another 15 years, starring in the Ice Capades. She was brought back to earth when she continued, "I want to be a Zamboni driver!"

A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders were clear. No car was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the windshield. A big Army car came up with a general seated in the back. The sentry said, "Halt, who goes there?" The chauffeur, a corporal, says, "General Wheeler." "I'm sorry, I can't let you through. You've got to have a sticker on the windshield." The general said, "Drive on!" The sentry said, "Hold it! You really can't come through. I have orders to shoot if you try driving in without a sticker." The general repeated, "I'm telling you, son, drive on!" The sentry walked up to the rear window and said, "General, I'm new at this. Do I shoot you or the the driver?"
Click on the picture for the large version Potted Fox
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jeff Fleming, 53, Reno, Nevada Jailed After Shooting Golfer After Errant Ball Breaks Window Nevada man accused of shooting a golfer who broke a window at his home with an errant ball has pleaded guilty to a felony charge. Jeff Fleming of Reno entered the plea to battery with a deadly weapon on Thursday in Washoe County District Court. He faces from probation to 10 years in prison and a $10,000 fine when he's sentenced Dec. 12. The golfer was unable to find his ball and was doing a drop shot on the 16th hole of the Lakeridge Golf Course when Fleming approached and fired a single shot at him with a shotgun, prosecutors said. The golfer was treated for minor injuries to an arm and both legs at a hospital. Deputy District Attorney Sean Neahusan said neighbors along the golf course were stunned as it's common for stray golf balls to hit their homes. "Live on a golf course and you got to expect your house to get hit every once in a while," he told The Associated Press. "This (shooting) is one of those stories that you just can't make it up." Fleming, 53, has expressed remorse and shock over his reaction to the broken window, Neahusan said, adding he apparently has no felony criminal record. In return for Fleming's guilty plea, prosecutors agreed to drop an assault with a deadly weapon charge and to go along with the Division of Parole and Probation's recommended sentence for him. Police said the golfer and his partner ran away after the shot was fired and it wasn't until they were safe that the golfer realized he had been hit. One or two shotgun pellets had to be removed from his body at the hospital. The area around the 16th hole was evacuated after the shooting. Fleming drove to his attorney's office, where he surrendered without incident. Tech Support Pits From: Dianne Re: Is Yahoo dead? Dear Webby, am I the only one having problems with yahoo.com ? I can't get usual link to open or anything else in there but when i do full route, I can get page but not open mail! Dianne Dear Dianne Since you only get your subscriptions at your Yahoo address once or twice a month, why do you bother? You do have good addresses on the side. I have no idea if Yahoo got any worse than usual. If there are some subscribers, who still use yahoo mail, please hit REPLY and tell me how it works for you. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Drawer Organizers in Place This is such a simple tip, that I don't know why I didn't use this before. Every time I opened the drawer with the knives, spoons, and forks in the tray or utensil organizer, that entire plastic organizer would shift back and forth. I finally stuck a piece of double sided sticky tape underneath it on the bottom side, and now there's no slipping of that utensil tray each time I open and shut it. By suz123 from Las Vegas, NV Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Showing his friend around his his home, Shayne started to point out all of the collectibles he and his wife had acquired over their long years of marriage. "The day before I die, I'd like to sell every piece we've got just to see how much it's all worth." "But you couldn't possibly know the day before you were going to die, so how could you sell it." "Simple: When I sell it, my wife will kill me!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Mrs. Smith was a hypochondriac. Dr. Jones was fed up with her constant complaints about non-existent illnesses, so he started palming her off with a mild sedative to keep her happy. One day she complained about chest pains and the doctor prescribed his usual treatment. This time however, the pain was real and Mrs. Smith died of a heart attack. On hearing of her death, Dr. Jones was so upset he died of shock. Mrs. Smith and Dr. Jones were buried next to each other in the cemetery. The next morning, Dr. Jones heard a tapping on his coffin, followed by a voice saying, "Dr. Jones, this is Mrs. Smith. Do you have anything for worms?"
A man told the ringmaster that he was interested in joining the circus as a lion tamer. The ringmaster asked if he had any experience The man said, "Why, yes. My father was one of the most famous lion tamers in the world, and he taught me everything he knew." "Really?" said the ringmaster. "Did he teach you how to make a lion jump through a flaming hoop?" "Yes he did," the man replied. "And did he teach you how to have six lions form a pyramid?" "Yes he did," the man replied. "And have you ever stuck your head in a lion's mouth?" "Just once," the man replied. The ringmaster asked, "Why only once?" The man said, "I was looking for my father."

» 101 Household Tips

Today, December 7, in
1431 In Paris, Henry VI of England was crowned King of France.
1787 Delaware became the first state to ratify the U.S. 
 constitution becoming the first of the United States.
1907 At London's National Sporting Club, Eugene Corri 
 became the first referee to officiate from inside a 
 boxing ring.
1925 Swimmer Johnny Weissmuller set a world record in the 
 150-yard freestyle with a time of 1 minute, 25 and 2/5 
 seconds. He went on to play "Tarzan" in several movies.
1926 The gas operated refrigerator was patented by The 
 Electrolux Servel Corporation.
1941 Pearl Harbor, located on the Hawaiian island of Oahu 
 was attacked by nearly 200 Japanese warplanes. The attack 
 resulted in the U.S. entering into World War II.
1946 A fire at the Winecoff Hotel in Atlanta killed 119 
 people. The hotel founder, W. Frank Winecoff, was also 
 killed in the fire.
1971 Libya announced the nationalization of British 
 Petroleum's assets. Britain never forgave Gadhafi for that.
1972 Apollo 17 was launched at Cape Canaveral. It was the 
 last U.S. moon mission.
1972 Imelda Marcos, wife of Philippine President Ferdinand 
 E. Marcos, was stabbed and seriously wounded by assailant. 
 The man was then shot and killed by her bodyguards.
1974 President Makarios returned to Cyprus after five 
 months in exile.
1987 43 people were killed when a gunman opened fire on a fellow 
 passenger and the two pilots aboard a Pacific Southwest 
 Airlines jetliner.
1988 An estimated 25,000 people were killed when a major 
 earthquake hit northern Armenia in the Soviet Union. The 
 quake measured 6.9 on the Richter Scale.
1988 Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev announced the 
 reduction of the number of Soviet military troops by 
 half a million.
1989 East Germany's Communist Party agreed to cooperate 
 with the plan for free elections and a revised constitution.
1992 The U.S. Supreme Court rejected a Mississippi abortion 
 law which, required women to get counseling and then wait 
 24 hours before terminating their pregnancies.
1993 Energy Secretary Hazel O'Leary revealed that the U.S. 
 government had conducted more than 200 nuclear weapons tests 
 in secret at its Nevada test site.
1995 A probe sent from the Galileo spacecraft entered into 
 Jupiter's atmosphere. The probe sent back data to the 
 mothership before it was destroyed.
1998 U.S. Attorney General Janet Reno declined to seek an 
 independent counsel investigation of President Clinton over 
 1996 campaign financing.
2013  smiled.

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Problem printing with new printer 

Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, December 6.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Home4Christmas.com is for sale. The sale of this domain name includes a quarter year hosting, and a basic site design. You have to gather the pictures yourself, though, and put some text together. The text can be in email or word processor or text file, or HTML, if you are already familiar with it. Once you have your own site, you can, of course edit and expand at any time. I will just make a headstart desgn for you, if you want that.
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a bimbo, who broke a glass crack pipe in her vagina Details at International Bonehead Awards
Re Town Names: Thanks to James Q: Santa, Claus, Indiana In Europe they have St Nicholas, based on a real saint, who had distributed goodies to poor kids. He died on a December 6 in the 3rd century. On the eve of December 6, actually December 5 after dark, a St Nicholas dressed like a bishop, not like the Coca Cola style North American Santa, comes around, accompanied by a devil or servant. He reads each kid a list (secretly provided by the parents) of what they did right and what they didn't. For what they did right, they get a baggie of goodies, usually gingerbread, an orange or mandarin, some cookies and maybe some chocolate. For what they did wrong, the devil spanks them, usually with a handful of willows. All through growing up I had been threatened to be sent to Jagdberg, an old fortress converted to a juvenile jail and dormitory school. Somehow I just barely escaped that fate each time by a hair. Quite ironically, while at the university, a professor asked for a volunteer to go play Saint Nicholas at Jagdberg, and looked straight at me. Yes, I did go. Imagine somebody dressed up as Saint Nicholas, on a motorcycle. At Jagdberg they opened the big fort gate fro me to ride in, took me into the kitchen, put some make-up and beard on me, and fed me some Schnaps, to reduce my stage fright. Then one class after the other, I talked to each kid, praised and scolded them, and some of them I had to spank. The staff looked on with worried miens, constantly glancing at their watches. I had to talk to 335 kids, and was supposed to take less than a minute each. They fed me a small glass of eggnog between each class to keep my voice from getting too raspy, and by about 10:30 I finished. They fed me a really nice dagwood sandwich, and bid me good night. So I hopped on my bike and on my way towards home, of course stopped where my girlfriend was. She was working at a hospital and was living in a nun's dormitory building. Mary knew the sound of my bike, and after revving it a few times below her window, she opened it and tossed down the key. It was an ancient bronze key about eight inches long, and the blade was about an inch. From having been tossed down from the third floor for many centuries, it was scratched and nicked and pretty rough, but it worked on the big black door. The metal clad heavy door was well oiled and totally silent. Up on the third floor Mary waited for me and let me onto that floor. She did some giggling about my get-up, which prompted doors to open and heads to pop out like a gopher convention. So I had to do my Saint Nicholas speech to about a dozen nurses, before I could finally escape into Mary's room for some well deserved R&R. I did get home before daylight. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

You can never learn less; you can only learn more. The reason I know so much is because I have made so many mistakes. --- Buckminster Fuller
From Dianne a good old Classic: HOSPITAL BILL You don't have to be Catholic to appreciate this one!! A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store.The store clerks Called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor. The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency Open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital. A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clipboard Loaded with several forms, and a pen. She asked him how he was going to Pay for his treatment. "Do you have health insurance?" she asked. He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance." The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?" He replied, "No money in the bank." Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?" asked the irritated nun. He said, "I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun." The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God." The patient replied, "Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law."

My sister decided that marriage is not for her. She has no end of trouble trying to double any recipe in the book. For example her oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jeana Marie Smart, 26, Fargo, North Dakota Jailed After breaking crack pipe in her vagina Jeana Marie Smart, a 26-year-old North Dakota woman, was jailed Sunday after officers discovered a broken crack pipe inside her vagina. According to police, emergency responders and officers were dispatched to the 3500 block of Main Avenue Sunday after receiving a report of an accident with possible injuries. Arriving officers soon discovered that a woman, later identified as Smart, rear-ended another vehicle after failing to brake in time for slowing traffic. While processing the scene, officers learned that Smart had an outstanding warrant for her arrest from a previous drug possession and drug paraphernalia charge. She was arrested and transported to the Cass County Jail for booking. As the officer and Smart left the patrol car to begin the booking process, the officer noticed a pool of blood on the seat of the patrol car where Smart was sitting. When questioned about it, Smart told the officer that she was having menstrual issues, however the officer noticed that Smart continued to bleed heavily from her groin and the blood dripped from her pants as she walked. After continued questioning about the blood, Smart finally admitted to having a glass pipe hidden inside her vagina. Officers performed a body cavity search and recovered the shattered remains of a broken glass pipe along with a capped syringe from her vagina. She was then transported to a local hospital where she was treated for her injuries before getting a ride back to jail. She was booked into the Cass County Jail and charged with possession of a controlled substance and possessing drug paraphernalia. She was released after posting $2,000 bail. Tech Support Pits From: George Re: Printing problem Dear Webby, I have purchased a new printer, and finally have it added to my computer, but I have problems printing. Yes, I can print one page, for example, the first page of my airline travel itinerary. However, the right margin is missing, so I do not even get my bar code which I need at the airport to check in. On the left is information of Inbox, etc that I do not even need. Also, there is information on subsequent pages that I cannot even get at all! Can you please help this poor soul, who plans to visit his family for the Christmas season on Saturday? George Dear George Printers are different. However, if you print from a browser like FireFox, the browser will take care of most of the fitting chores. Click on FILE PageSetup and in there, either manually adjust the zoom to shrink it or else put a checkmark onto "Shrink to fit" There are all kinds of settings in there, that you can adjust, like side and top and bottom margins. You can also select to print in landscape mode. However, e-Tickets and boarding passes are usually best printed in normal portrait mode. That is what the airlines do with their automatic boarding pass printers. In there you can also tell it how many pages you want it to print. If pages 2 - 8 are just small print, that you are not going to read anyway, then tell it to print just page 1. With stuff like that, don't try to print a screen shot. It CAN be done, if you know how to edit pictures. Best just let the browser handle the printing. By the way, don't try to print from hoemail! Look for the link to view in your browser. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Repairing A Door Knob Hole in Wall You see a lot of these holes in the wall where a doorknob has gone through the sheet rock or wallboard. You can use a laundry detergent bottle cap for this as fix. Find the size cap that slides into the round knob hole. Apply a small bead of silicone seal or gorilla glue to the back of the flare-out on the cap. Insert and let dry. Presto! Now the doorknob will fit into the wall. You can also dress this up by cutting out the hole size (2 1/2 inches) in a small piece of paneling. Arrange how you want it to look, and glue it behind the cap-flare before inserting in the wall. Source: Inspired by Poor But Proud of this website. By VIETVET from Perkinston, MS Before doing any of that, install a proper door stop, otherwise the next gust of wind will punch your fix into the wall, and make an even bigger hole. For a professional fix get a piece of cardboard, some wall patch and a putty knife. Put a few wood screws into the cardboard, so that you can hold it after you wiggle it into the hole. Smear some wall patch onto the cardboard, where it contacts the wall board from behind and hold it a minute with the screws. After that you can let go and let it cure for an hour or so. Remove the screws and gently fill the hole level with the wall. Don't be too fussy. It will shrink and require a thin finishing layer after sanding anyway. After a final sanding it will be flush with the wall and can be painted. However, all of that is a waste of time, if you don't first install a proper door stop. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that his poor patient has had practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement. "Listen," says the Doc, "I have migraines, too and the advice I'm going to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school, but it's advice that I've gotten from my own experience. When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little. Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have sex with her. Almost always, the headache is immediately gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks." Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin. "Doc! I took your advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS! I've had migraines for 17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!" "Well," says the physician, "I'm glad I could help." "By the way, Doc," the patient adds, "I fixed that dripping tap in your bath."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

After spending 3-1/2 hours enduring the long lines, surly clerks and insane regulations at the department of motor vehicles, a lady stopped at a toy store to pick up a gift for her son. She brought her selection, a baseball bat, to the cash register. "Cash or charge," the clerk asked. "Cash," she snapped, then apologizing for her rudeness. She explained, "I've spent the afternoon at the department of motor vehicles and I am way past sane." The clerk kindly asked, "Shall I gift wrap the bat, or are you going back there?"
I was scrubbing the bulkhead on the USS Kitty Hawk one Sunday morning when the loud-speaker announced: "Religious services. Maintain silence about the decks. Knock off all unnecessary work." An hour later, the opinion many of us held regarding our daily routine, was confirmed with this announcement: "Resume all unnecessary work."

» the Wrench Guy

Today, December 6, in
1774 Austria became the first nation to introduce a state 
 education system.
1790 The U.S. Congress moved from New York to Philadelphia.
1865 The 13th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was ratified. 
 The amendment abolished slavery in the U.S.
1877 Thomas Edison demonstrated the first gramophone, with 
 a recording of himself reciting Mary Had a Little Lamb.
1884 The construction of the Washington Monument was completed 
 by Army engineers. The project took 34 years.
1889 Jefferson Davis died in New Orleans. He was the first and 
 only president of the Confederate States of America.
1907 In Monongah, WV, 361 people were killed in America's 
 worst mine disaster.
1917 More than 1,600 people died when two munitions ships 
 collided in the harbor at Halifax, Nova Scotia.
1917 Finland proclaimed independence from Russia.
1921 The Catholic Irish Free State was created as a 
 self-governing dominion of Britain
1926 In Italy, Benito Mussolini introduced a tax on bachelors.
1947 Everglades National Park in Florida was dedicated by 
 U.S. President Truman.
1957 AFL-CIO members voted to expel the International 
 Brotherhood of Teamsters. The Teamsters were readmitted in 1987.
1957 America's first attempt at putting a satellite into orbit 
 failed when the satellite blew up on the launch pad at Cape 
 Canaveral, FL.
1973 Gerald R. Ford was sworn in as the vice-president of 
 the United States after vice-president Spiro Agnew resigned.

1982 11 soldiers and 6 civilians were killed when a bomb 
 exploded in a pub in Ballykelly, Northern Ireland. The Irish 
 National Liberation Army was responsible for planting the 
1983 In Jerusalem, a bomb planted on a bus exploded killing 
 six Israelis and wounding 44.
1985 Congressional negotiators reached an agreement on a 
 deficit-cutting proposal that later became the 
 Gramm-Rudman-Hollings law.
1989 The worst mass shooting in Canadian history occurred 
 when a man gunned down 14 women at the University of Montreal's 
 school of engineering. The man then killed himself.
1990 Iraq announced that it would release all its 2,000 
 foreign hostages.
1992 In India, thousands of Hindu extremists destroyed a 
 mosque. The following two months of Hindu-Muslim rioting 
 resulted in at least 2,000 people being killed.
1993 Former priest James R. Porter was sentenced to 18 to 20 
 years in prison. Porter had admitted molesting 28 children 
 in the 1960s.
1994 Orange County, CA, filed for bankruptcy protection due 
 to investment losses of about $2 billion. The county is one 
 of the richest in the U.S. and became to largest municipality 
 to file for bankruptcy.
1997 A Russian Antonov 124 military transport crashed into a 
 residential area in Irkutsk, Russia, shortly after takeoff. 
 70 people were killed.
1998 In Venezuela, former Lieutenant Colonel Hugo Chavez was 
 elected president. He had staged a bloody coup attempt 
 against the government six years earlier.
1998 Astronauts aboard the space shuttle Endeavour connected 
 the first two building blocks of the international space 
 station in the shuttle cargo bay.
2002 Winona Ryder was sentenced to 36 months of probation 
 and 480 hours of community service stemming from her 
 conviction for shoplifting from Saks Fifth Avenue. She was 
 also ordered to pay $10,000 in fines and restitution.
2002 Officials released the detailed plans for a $4.7 million 
 memorial commemorating Princess Diana. The large oval 
 fountain was planned to be constructed in London's Hyde Park.

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Pictures for desktop 

Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, December 5.

Thank you Roswitha!

Home4Christmas.com is for sale. The sale of this domain name includes a quarter year hosting, and a basic site design. You have to gather the pictures yourself, though, and put some text together. The text can be in email or word processor or text file, or HTML, if you are already familiar with it. Once you have your own site, you can, of course edit and expand at any time. I will just make a headstart desgn for you, if you want that.
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a bimbo, who faked a marriage certificate after her acquaintance died in a car crash. Details at International Bonehead Awards
-26 and headwind on the uphill stretch of my walk. By the time I got to the top, I had worked up a sweat, except for my feet. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

If we couldn't laugh, we would all go insane. --- Jimmy Buffett
Once upon a time, a woman had a wonderful, faithful cat. One day, a man ran over the cat accidentally with his car. So, the man went to the old woman and said, "I'm terribly sorry about your cat. I'd like to replace him." "That so nice of you!", said the old woman, deeply touched. "You can sleep at the foot of my bed and catch mice at night."

A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Allison Lear, Las Vegas, Nevada Jailed After getting caught faking a marriage license LAS VEGAS — A Las Vegas woman has been accused of forging a marriage certificate so she could keep her racecar-driving boyfriend's possessions after he died three years ago when his Porsche veered off a mountain road in northern Nevada. Allison Lear was arrested on outstanding warrants May 25 at the Hakkasan nightclub at the MGM Grand. She faces charges of forgery and perjury in what family members characterize as a callous attempt at gold-digging from Alexander Djordjevic, who died at age 37. "I wouldn't say there was a big love there," Slobodan Djordjevic, Alexander Djordjevic's father, told the Las Vegas Review-Journal. "I think she was just looking for material things." In 2009, Lear posted a profile on a match-making website that seeks to pair millionaires with companions. Family members said she and Djordjevic had been dating for several months when his silver Porsche careened off a mountain highway on June 26, 2010, during the Speed by Spectre 341 Challenge race near Virginia City. Later, in court, Lear showed a marriage certificate indicating she and Djordjevic had married just five days before his death at her parents' home in Las Vegas. Relatives – including Lear's father – question whether such a wedding ever happened. According to probate court documents, John Lear told attorneys he "would have known if his daughter had been married at 4 a.m. on June 21, 2010, in his home." Seems she forgot to invite her father or at least tell him about it afterwards. Police cite two problems with the document. The Idaho minister who supposedly performed the ceremony never applied for a temporary permit to conduct a Nevada wedding, officials said. He told officers he'd been asked to sign a back-dated marriage certificate after he learned of Djordjevic's death, but refused. Also, police have been unable to find the witness listed on the certificate. Unsettled questions about the marriage have amplified the heartache for Djordjevic's family at a time when they were mourning his sudden death. "Losing him was hard," Djordjevic's father said. "But what happened after was very, very hard." As his widow, Lear prevented Djordjevic's parents from seeing his body at the Washoe County coroner's office, according to the Review-Journal. Three months and a court battle later, they were finally allowed to bury him, the newspaper reported. She also held onto his possessions, including two sports cars and a gun collection. Court documents said his estate was valued between $100,000 and $200,000. Tech Support Pits From: Bonnie Re: Desktop Background Dear Webby, I have a question that you may be able to help with (or not). I find tons of photos all over the internet that I love to use for our desktop background, changing it often. Most of the time they work; other times, they come out in repeat squares of the photo all over the screen rather than one very nice photo. I’ve attached 2 of those that do this; would you open them, then try to choose as background and see what happens. If you get repeats all over too, is there any chance you can tell me why? I know that with my luck, they’ll work fine for you! If that’s the case, then I give up and will just hang on to the ones I find that work and say c’est la vie. I look forward to hearing from you whenever you have time to play around. Thanks a bunch and also many thanks always for my DearWebby letter; I love them! Bonnie in NH Dear Bonnie Those pictures are too small to look nice when stretched to the entire desktop. For best results, resize pictures to whatever you have set for your screen resolution. If you have your resolution set to 1600 x 1200 (like I do), then a 400 x 300 picture would have to be stretched 4 times, and probably would look very coarse and ugly. Sometimes you can shuffle the size up in increments. Double the size, do an edge-preserving-smoothing, sharpen a bit, then increase the size again, and so on. It doesn't work with all pictures, but some may be worth trying. You can force the desktop to stretch a picture instead of tiling it, but that usually makes nice pictures look rather ugly. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Know Store Return Policy Before Buying Before purchasing something from a store, make sure you know and understand their return policies, and how they apply to what you are buying. Most stores have restocking fees for opened items and some items like software cannot be returned if opened. Also, some stores only accept returns of certain types of items, like electronics, for anywhere from 7 to 30 days after purchase. By Fisher Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
There once was an old penny pincher who had no friends. Just before he died he asked his doctor, lawyer, and pastor to gather around him at bedside. "I have always heard that you can't take it with you. But I want to disprove that theory," he said. "I have $90,000 under my mattress, and when I die, just before they throw the dirt on me at my burial, I want you each to toss in an envelope with $30,000 enclosed." The three attended the funeral and each threw his envelope in the grave. On the way back from the cemetery, the pastor said, "I must confess. I needed $10,000 for my new church, so I only threw in $20,000." The doctor then said, "I must confess too. I needed $20,000 for a new clinic I was opening up, so I only threw in $10,000." The lawyer looked at them both and shook his head. He then said, "Gentlemen, I'm surprised, shocked, and ashamed of you. I don't see how you could dare to go against that man's final wish. I threw in my personal check for the full amount!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Thanks to Bonnie for this: For the First pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me A post from a week ago. For the second pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me 2 web crashes And a post from a Week ago. For the third pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me 3 error messages 2 web crashes And A post from a week ago. For the forth pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me 4 jerks at Tech Help 3 error Messages 2 web crashes And a post from a week ago. For the fifth pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me 5 frozen PM's 4 jerks at Tech Help 3 Error messages 2 web crashes And a post from a week ago. For the sixth pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me 6 disconnection's 5 frozen PM's 4 Jerks at Tech Help 3 error messages 2 web crashes And a post from a week ago. For the seventh pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me 7 hours with no mail 6 Disconnection's 5 frozen PM's 4 jerks at Tech Help 3 error messages 2 Web crashes And a post from a week ago. For the eighth pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me 8 channels not working 7 hours With no mail 6 disconnections 5 frozen PM's 4 jerks at Tech Help 3 Error messages 2 web crashes And a post from a week ago. For the ninth pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me 9 Dumb advertisements 8 channels Not working 7 hours with no mail 6 disconnections 5 frozen PM's 4 Jerks at Tech Help 3 error messages 2 web crashes And a post from a Week ago. For The tenth pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me 10 propositions 9 Dumb Advertisements 8 channels not working 7 hours with no mail 6 Disconnection's 5 frozen PM's 4 jerks at Tech Help 3 error messages 2 Web crashes And a post from a week ago For the eleventh pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me 11 pieces of Spam 10 Propositions 9 Dumb advertisements 8 channels not working 7 hours With no mail 6 Disconnection's 5 frozen PM's 4 jerks at Tech Help 3 error messages 2 web crashes And a post from a week ago. For the twelfth pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me 12 reasons to unsubscribe. Bonnie
Thanks to Cookie for this story: My two brothers arrived at boot camp together. On the first morning, their unit was dragged out of bed by a drill sergeant and made to assemble outside. "My name's Sergeant Jackson," he snarled. "Is there anyone here who thinks he can whip me?" My six-foot-three, 280-pound, brother raised his hand and said, "Yes sir, I do." The Sergeant replied with a snarl, "I had my eye on you and I was hoping you would say that." The sergeant grabbed him by the arm and led him out in front of the entire group. "Men," he said, "this is my new assistant. Now is there anyone here who thinks he can whip both of us?"

» Matchstick Machines

Today, December 5, in
1492 Christopher Columbus discovered Hispaniola (now Haiti).
1560 Charles IX succeeded as King of France on the death 
 of Francis II.
1766 James Christie, founder of the famous auctioneers, held 
 his first sale in London.
1792 The trial of France's King Louis XVI began.
1797 Napoleon Bonaparte arrived in Paris to command forces 
 for the invasion of England.
1812 Napoleon Bonaparte left his army as they were 
 retreating from Russia.
1848 U.S. President Polk triggered the Gold Rush of '49 by 
 confirming the fact that gold had been discovered in California.
1876 The Stillson wrench was patented by D.C. Stillson. The 
 device was the first practical pipe wrench.
1904 The Russian fleet was destroyed by the Japanese at 
 Port Arthur, during the Russo-Japanese War.
1913 Britain outlawed the sending of arms to Ireland.
1932 German physicist Albert Einstein was granted a visa 
 making it possible for him to travel to the U.S.
1933 Prohibition came to an end when Utah became the 
 36th state to ratify 21st Amendment to the U.S. Constitution.
1934 Fighting broke out between Italian and Ethiopian troops 
 on the Somalian border.
1934 The Soviet Union executed 66 people charged with 
 plotting against Joseph Stalin's government.
1935 In Montebello, CA, the first commercial hydroponics 
 operation was established.
1936 The Soviet Union adopted a new Constitution under 
 a Supreme Council.
1944 During World War II, Allied troops took Ravenna, Italy.
1945 The so-called "Lost Squadron" disappeared. The five U.S. 
 Navy Avenger bombers carrying 14 Navy flyers began a 
 training mission at the Ft. Lauderdale Naval Air Station. 
 They were never heard from again.
1951 The first push button-controlled garage opened in 
 Washington, DC.
1956 British and French forces began a withdrawal from 
 Egypt during the Suez War.
1962 The U.S. and the Soviet Union agreed to cooperate 
 in the peaceful uses of outer space.
1977 Egypt broke diplomatic relations with Syria, Libya, Algeria, 
 Iraq and South Yemen due to peaceful relations with Israel.
1978 The American space probe Pioneer Venus I, orbiting Venus, 
 began beaming back its first information and pictures
1983 In west Beirut, Lebanon, more than a dozen people were 
 killed when a car bomb shattered a nine-story apartment 
1986 The Soviet Union said it would continue to abide by 
 the SALT II treaty limits on nuclear weapons. This was 
 despite the decision by the U.S. to exceed them.
1989 Israeli soldiers killed five heavily armed Arab 
 guerrillas who crossed the border from Egypt. 
1989 East Germany's former leaders were placed under 
 house arrest.
1992 Russian President Boris Yeltsin kept the power to 
 appoint Cabinet ministers, defeating a constitutional 
 amendment that would have put his team of reformers 
 under the control of Russia's Congress.
1998 James P. Hoffa became the head of the Teamsters union, 
 23 years after his father was the head. His father disappeared 
 and was presumed dead.
2001 In Germany, Afghan leaders signed a pact to create a 
 temporary administration for post-Taliban Afghanistan. 
 Two women were included in the cabinet structure. Hamid 
 Karzai and his Cabinet were planned to take over power 
 in Afghanistan on December 22.
2008 The iTunes Music Store reached 300 million applications 

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Thumb drive to transfer files to W8 

Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, December 4.

Thank you Joanne C.!

Home4Christmas.com is for sale. The sale of this domain name includes a quarter year hosting, and a basic site design. You have to gather the pictures yourself, though, and put some text together. The text can be in email or word processor or text file, or HTML, if you are already familiar with it. Once you have your own site, you can, of course edit and expand at any time. I will just make a headstart desgn for you, if you want that.
Today's Internationsl Bonehead Award goes to a bimbo, who set her boyfriend's underwear on fire, after trashing kitchen appliances, because he forgot to get her some cigarettes. Details at International Bonehead Awards
The blizzard stopped and the wind slowed down while I went for my daily walk. -26, but the ruts in the unplowed roads sure heated me up. To have a bit better balance I tied Copper's chain around me like a ski lift tow-bar. That left my hands free for waving and regaining my balance. Copper had no problem with the ruts and figured we could go at normal speed. So, except for a frozen face, I worked up quite a sweat. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

An opinion should be the result of thought, not a substitute for it. --- Jef Mallett,
>From Lu The orthopedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new office, and his staff was helping transport many of the items. I sat the display skeleton in the front of my car, his bony arm across the back of my seat. I hadn't considered the drive across town. At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside me became obvious, and I looked across and explained, "I'm delivering him to my doctor's office." The other driver leaned out of his window. "I hate to tell you, lady," he said, "but I think it's too late!"

An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" he wrote, "No." The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question, was "Why?" The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Amber Gray, 21, Carson City, Nevada Jailed After Burning Boyfriend's Briefs During Argument Over Cigarettes Reported by the Weakly Vice Amber Gray, a 21-year-old Nevada woman, was jailed Tuesday after she allegedly set her boyfriend's underwear on fire after he forgot to buy her cigarettes. According to the Carson City Sheriff's Office, deputies were dispatched to the couple's home at about 5 a.m. Tuesday morning after receiving a report of a domestic dispute inside the residence. Arriving deputies made contact with a man who stated that his girlfriend had set his underwear on fire inside of their home during an argument over cigarettes. Investigators say the girlfriend, Amber Gray, became upset when her boyfriend forgot to purchase cigarettes for her during a recent trip to the store. In retaliation, Gray allegedly destroyed several household items before striking the boyfriend in the face with a water bottle. She then set a pair of her boyfriend's underwear on fire and let it burn in the hallway of their home. The boyfriend responded by moving the burning briefs to a bath tub while Gray fled the apartment. Two other residents who live inside the home confirmed the boyfriend's account of the altercation - although deputies were unable to find injury on the man from the alleged water bottle attack. Gray was later found at a local casino where she was taken into custody. She was booked into jail and charged with felony arson and domestic battery. Her bail has been set at $43,000 Tech Support Pits From: Ron Re: Transfer files from XP to W8 Dear Webby, I have gotten help from you before and it is always good. Now I just bought a new computer W/ W8 and need to transfer many old pics. and music and some data. Can I just use a Thumb drive, like you mentioned the other day, with all the stuff that I want to transfer and then plug that into the rather klutzy W8 machine?. I have not yet put the new computer to much use and am waiting to see if this will work. Thanks for the timely info I always got. Next is trying to find utilities to make that user-hostile W8 usable. Thanks again. Ron Dear Ron Yes, it will definitely work. Everything from XP on reads thumb drives and card readers just fine. Make a plan first about where you want to put the pictures. You probably have a huge hard drive now, that would be a lot more manageable, if you partition it. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Clean Mini-Blinds Outdoors I put my mini-blinds on the outdoor table and hose and wash with the car wash brush, then flip and do the other side. I hang them on the clothes line to dry. Kids can do this chore. By Sharon C. from Chesapeake, VA I hang them on the clothes line, spray them lightly with Simple Green, and then do them as recommended by Sharon. They drip-dry without any spots. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
At 3 am a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking what time the bar opens. "It opens at noon," answers the clerk. About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even drunker. "What time does the bar open?" He asks. "Same time as before... Noon," Replies the clerk. Another hour passes and he calls again, plastered. "Whatjoo shay the bar opins at?" The clerk then answers, "It opens at noon, but if you can't wait, I can have room service send something up to you." "No... I don't wanna git in... Ah wanna git OUT!!!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Thanks to a reader who does not want his name mentioned, for sending this joke: A guy sitting at a bar at Heathrow Terminal 3 noticed a really beautiful woman sitting next to him. He thought to himself: "Wow, she's so gorgeous she must be a flight attendant. But which airline does she work for?" Hoping to pick her up, he leaned towards her and said the Delta Airline slogan: "Love to fly and it shows?" She gave him a confused look and he immediately thought to himself: "Damn, she doesn't work for Delta Airlines." A moment later, another slogan popped into his head. He leaned towards her again, "Something special in the air?" She gave him the same confused look. He then removed Singapore Airlines off the list. Next he tried the Thai Airways slogan: "Smooth as Silk." This time the woman turned to him "What the HELL do you want?" The man smiled, then leaned back in his chair, and said "Ahhhhh, British Airways!"
Sven was out shopping in the mall when he met his friend Ole outside the jewelers. Ole noticed that Sven had a small gift-wrapped box in his hand. "So vat have you just purchased Sven?" Ole asks. "Vell, now that you've asked," replies Sven, "it's my Lena's birthday tomorrow and I asked her this morning vat she vanted for her birthday she said, 'Oh, I don't know, dear, yust give me something with a lot of diamonds in it.'" "So vat did you get her?" Ole asks. Sven replied, smiling, "I bought her a deck of cards." -------- He will be sleeping out in the barn until further notice.

» Essential Oils

Today, December 4, in
1783 Gen. George Washington said farewell to his officers at 
 Fraunces Tavern in New York.
1812 Peter Gaillard patented the power mower.
1918 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson set sail for France to 
 attend the Versailles Peace Conference. Wilson became the 
 first chief executive to travel to Europe while in office.
1942 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt ordered the 
 dismantling of the Works Progress Administration. 
1942 U.S. bombers attacked the Italian mainland for the 
 first time during World War II.
1943 Baseball Commissioner Kenesaw Mountain Landis announced 
 that any club was free to employ black players.
1965 The U.S. launched Gemini 7 with Air Force Lt. Col. 
 Frank Borman and Navy Comdr. James A. Lovell on board.
1973 Pioneer 10 reached Jupiter.
1977 Jean-Bedel Bokassa, ruler of the Central African Empire, 
 crowned himself emperor in a ceremony believed to have cost 
 more than $100 million. He was deposed 2 years later.
1978 Dianne Feinstein became San Francisco's first woman 
 mayor when she was named to replace George Moscone, who 
 had been murdered.
1983 U.S. jet fighters struck Syrian anti-aircraft positions 
 in Lebanon in retaliation for attacks directed at American 
 reconnaissance planes. Navy Lt. Robert O. Goodman Jr. was 
 shot down and captured by Syria.
1984 A five-day hijack drama began as four men seized a 
 Kuwaiti airliner en route to Pakistan and forced it to land 
 in Tehran. Two American passengers were killed by the 
1987 Cuban inmates at a federal prison in Atlanta freed their 
 89 hostages, peacefully ending an 11-day uprising.
1988 The government of Argentina announced that hundreds of 
 heavily armed soldiers had ended a four-day military revolt.
1990 Iraq promised to release 3,300 Soviet citizens it was holding.
1991 Associated Press correspondent Terry Anderson was released 
 after nearly seven years in captivity in Lebanon.
1991 Pan American World Airways ceased operations.
1992 U.S. President George H.W. Bush ordered American troops 
 to lead a mercy mission to Somalia.
1993 The Angolan government and its UNITA guerrilla foes 
 formally adopted terms for a truce. The conflict was killing 
 an estimated 1,000 people per day.
1994 Bosnian Serbs released 53 out of about 400 UN peace-
 keepers they were holding as insurance against further 
 NATO airstrikes.
2000 O.J. Simpson was involved in an incident with another 
 motorist in Miami, FL. Simpson was accused of scratching 
 the other motorists face while pulling off the man's glasses.
2001 O.J. Simpson's home in Florida was raided by the FBI 
 in an ongoing two year international investigation into 
 drug trafficking, satellite service pilfering and money 
 laundering. Some satellite descrambler parts were taken 
 from Simpson's home but no drugs were found. 

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Email link with subject and body embedded 

Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, December 3.

Thank you, Lou!

Home4Christmas.com is for sale. The sale of this domain name includes a quarter year hosting, and a basic site design. You have to gather the pictures yourself, though, and put some text together. The text can be in email or word processor or text file, or HTML, if you are already familiar with it. Once you have your own site, you can, of course edit and expand at any time. I will just make a headstart desgn for you, if you want that.
Today's Internationsl Bonehead Award goes to a bonehead, who erroneously believed he could get away from a herd of armed cops. Details at International Bonehead Awards
>From Lillemor Please note warning recently issued by the FBI:
WARNING: After a recent wave of identify thefts, the FBI estimates there are over 500 fake Obamacare websites set up for the sole purpose of stealing your personal information. Protect yourself and remember: the real one is the only one that does not work.

The blizzard is still howling, second night in a row. Visibility is excellent, above the clouds, but only about a hundred feet down here. There is just enough snow, so that you can't tell the difference between road and sidewalk and lawn, unless you try to do a donut. Sure makes it easy to turn around if you slide too far! There is very little traffic and everybody is driving nice and slow, except for doing a donut now and then, when we figure nobody can see us. Typical with blizzards from the North, my front stoop has a foot high drift of snow, the steps are clear and so is the concrete going to the garage door. Five feet out from the garage door, there is the familiar big drift, pretending to be a dune. Wind is supposed to slow down on Wednesday, but they say it is going to get colder than -25. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. --- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935) Every composer knows the anguish and despair occasioned by forgetting ideas which one had no time to write down. --- Hector Berlioz yeah, happens to writers too.
At the candy store Judi had about 20 bags of candy. A smart-alek behind her in line told her: "You should push the air out of them. The candies might cost less if they don't have the weight of the air in them." So for a few minutes she let the air out of the bags. After she did that he told her it didn't really matter. It would have weighed the same. Judi was more confused than ever and said, "If having air in the bag doesn't weigh any more, then why does it make the bags look so fat?"

It was young Anthony's first ride in a railway train, and the succession of wonders reduced him to a state of hysterical astonishment. The train rounded a slight bend and, with a shriek of its whistle, plunged into a tunnel. There were gasps of surprise from the corner where Anthony was kneeling on his seat. Suddenly the train rushed into broad daylight again, and a small voice lifted in wonder. "Wow! It's tomorrow!" exclaimed the small boy.
Click on the picture for the large version Hairy babysitter!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ronald Carr Murray Jr., 52, in Titusville, Floriduh Crook flees for extra jail time A Brevard County Sheriff’s Office deputy opened fire on a fleeing suspect Saturday night in the parking lot of one of Titusville’s best-known restaurants. The gunfire occurred about 9 p.m. at Dixie Crossroads on Garden Street. That’s when 52-year-old Titusville resident Ronald Carr Murray Jr. — who was wanted on a warrant for criminal mischief — resisted arrest and jumped into a vehicle, said Deputy Maria Fernez, BCSO spokeswoman. Murray’s vehicle dragged a deputy several feet across the parking lot, Fernez said. The deputy opened fire at the vehicle. The bullets did not hit anybody, but did hit the vehicle, she said. A vehicle chase ensued, with Titusville police joining in the fun. Murray was arrested when he returned to his home on Talmadge Drive, a short residential street west of Whispering Hills Golf Estates. Murray was charged with aggravated battery on a law enforcement officer, fleeing and eluding, and resisting arrest with violence. His bond was set at $200,000 Sunday. His warrant stemmed from a September arrest, when Titusville police charged him with criminal mischief valued at $200 or less, clerk of courts records show. The warrant was issued in October after he failed to attend a court arraignment. Fernez did not identify the deputy who opened fire, nor did she disclose how many shots were fired. Tech Support Pits From: Chris Re: Fancy email link Dear Webby, I have a question about email and html. I know how to make a link in html for people to click on to bring up an email to send to you, but is there a way to also automatically add the subject? So in my webpage I would have the link so when they click on it it opens their email program and automatically puts in my email address in the To field, but I would like to know if there is a way to make the subject field fill in automatically as well. I checked around in the html tutorial that you have a link to (which proved to be very useful in building the rest of my webpage) but I did not see anything about adding the subject to emails. So if that is even possible, how would I do it? Thanks, Chris Dear Chris That is no problem at all! mailto:santa@webby.com?bcc=t@posty.net &subject=Report%20For%20This%20week &body=Been%20 good%20again.%0D%0AReally! Paste those 3 lines together into one, unbroken line, without any empty spaces in it. That fills out the main addresses santa@webby.com and a BCC address chrswmmr@cfl.rr.com and the subject and the body. That's all there is to it. Since the desktop is basically just an HTML page, you can even make a shortcut and paste that into the run line. If you put a group address into the BCC, that makes it really easy to send a letter to a team or entire address book category. For real fun, prepare a shortcut like that, on your secretary's or your spouse's machine, with her confiding her undying love and wicked lust for the fax machine (or somebody), and change the icon of the shortcut to the same as the one used for the word processor. Every time they hit that icon, an email opens, already written and ready to hit send. Get ready for some very loud noise when she or he catches on! You can make the body text as long as you want, just don't leave any empty spaces. Instead of spaces use %20. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Shopping for Christmas For my Christmas shopping this year, I make sure I wear comfortable walking shoes, and put on my iPod with peppy music. Shopping malls know you will take your time if you hear Christmas music, and will walk slowly, visiting more stores. I put on rock music or dance music. This way I walk faster, do my cardio (almost), and complete my shopping in record time. Happy holidays to all! By Bob from Montreal, Canada Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
This is a Classic, that I featured about seven years ago. Time to run it again: I got a letter from Grandma the other day. She writes: The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a "honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper. I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed! I found that LOTS of people love Jesus! Why, while I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, "For the love of GOD! GO! GO! Jesus Christ, GO!" What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love! There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a "sunny beach". I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up i! n the air. Then I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat ! what that meant, he said that it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. My grandson burst out laughing. Even he was enjoying this religious experience! A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, I waved to all my sisters and brothers grinning, and drove on through the intersection. In! oticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and I felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared, so I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A out-of-towner in New York at the height of the tourist season decided to revisit an uptown restaurant he'd enjoyed on a previous trip to the city. Finally catching the eye of an overworked waiter, he said, "You know, it's been over five years since I first came in here." "I'm sorry, but you'll have to wait your turn, sir," replied the waiter with typical New York charm. "I can only serve one damn table at a time."
A poor vagabond, traveling a country road in England, tired and hungry, came to a roadside Inn with a sign reading: "George and the Dragon." He knocked. The Innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window. "Could ye spare some victuals?" he asked. The woman glanced at his shabby clothes and obviously poor condition. "No!" she said rather sternly. "Could I have a pint of ale?" "No!" she said again. "Could I at least sleep in your stable?" "No!" by this time she was fairly shouting. The vagabond said, "Might I please...?" "What now?" the woman interrupted impatiently. "D'ye suppose," he asked, "I might have a word with George?"

» Essential Oils

Today, December 3, in
1910 The neon lamp was displayed for the first time at 
 the Paris Motor Show. The lamp was developed by French 
 physicist Georges Claude.
1917 The Quebec Bridge opened for traffic after almost 20 
 years of planning and construction. The bridge suffered 
 partial collapses in 1907 and 1916.
1931 Alka Seltzer was sold for the first time.
1947 The Tennessee Williams play "A Streetcar Named Desire" 
 opened at Broadway's Ethel Barrymore Theater.
1967 In Cape Town, South Africa, a team of surgeons headed 
 by Dr. Christian Barnard, performed the first human heart 
 transplant on Louis Washkansky. Washkansky lived 18 days.
1973 Pioneer 10 sent back the first close-up images of Jupiter. 
 The first outer-planetary probe had been launched from 
 Cape Canaveral, FL, on March 2, 1972.
1982 Doctors at the University of Utah Medical Center removed 
 the respirator of Barney Clark. The retired dentist had become 
 the world's first recipient of a  permanent artificial heart 
 only one day before.
1983 3-foot-high concrete barriers were installed at two 
 White House entrances.
1984 In Bhopal, India, more than 2,000 people were killed 
 after a cloud of poisonous gas escaped from a pesticide 
 plant. The plant was operated by an Indian Union Carbide 
1992 The UN Security Council unanimously approved a U.S.-led 
 military mission to help starving Somalians.
1992 The Greek tanker "Aegean Sea" ran aground at La Coruna, 
 Spain and spilled 21.5 million gallons of crude oil.
1993 Britain's Princess Diana announced she would be limiting 
 her public appearances because she was tired of the media's 
 intrusions into her life.
1993 Angola's government and its rebel enemies agreed to a 
 cease-fire in their 18-year war.
1994 Rebel Serbs in Bosnia failed to keep a pledge to release 
 hundreds of UN peacekeepers.
1997 In Ottawa, Canada, more than 120 countries signed a 
 treaty prohibiting the use and production of anti-personnel 
 land mines. The United States, China and Russia did not 
 sign the treaty.
1997 South Korea received $55 billion from the International 
 Monetary Fund to bailout its economy.
1999 Tori Murden became the first woman to row across the 
 Atlantic Ocean alone. It took her 81 days to reach the 
 French Caribbean island of Guadeloupe from the Canary Islands.
1999 The World Trade Organization (WTO) concluded a four-day 
 meeting in Seattle, WA, without setting an agenda for a new 
 round of trade talks. The meeting was met with fierce protests 
 by various groups, who didn't really know, what they were 
 protesting against, but they caused $2 Billion in damage.
1999 The National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) 
 lost radio contact with the Mars Polar Lander as it entered 
 Mars' atmosphere. The spacecraft was unmanned. 

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What to do about scam spams? 

Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, December 2.

Today's Internationsl Bonehead Award goes to 
Meth makers, who lead cops to their lab
Details at International Bonehead Awards

The situation in Ukraine is heating up. Kyiv Post The US is pretending it's just another Benghazi and is not helping. The issue is that the people want to join the West, but President Yanukovich has rejected the deal. His official excuse was worries about Russia not liking that, and the IMF asking for some guarantees on money. Actually, Russia is no problem. Chechia and Slovakia switched to the EU without a problem. The money guarantees for borrowing are just normal and were expected. What he did not mention is that the EU demanded that he release political prisoner Tymochenko. He is scared of her! Yanukovich is currently hiding in Russia, hoping the situation will calm down. The people are trying to convince the government to impeach him and call for elections. They have called on the US Government and all NATO governments to take a stand and oppose any Russian military intervention. It is already more bloody than the Orange Revolution in 2004. They are calling the protest the begin of a revolution.
Thank you, Ruby! Thank you, Norm! Home4Christmas.com is for sale. The sale of this domain name includes a quarter year hosting, and a basic site design. You have to gather the pictures yourself, though, and put some text together. The text can be in email or word processor or text file, or HTML, if you are already familiar with it. Once you have your own site, you can, of course edit and expand at any time. I will just make a headstart desgn for you, if you want that. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

All phone calls are obscene. --- Karen Elizabeth Gordon Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves. --- Abraham Lincoln (1809 - 1865) One of the hardest things to teach a child is that the truth is more important than the consequences. --- O.A. Battista
Thanks to Kati for this story: This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to rip them out! Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts. Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good. About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what the matter was. He said, "Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you." "What do you mean?" asked his wife. "Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and the toothbrush, I think I got most of them all back in."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Douglas Herman, 43, and Paul Dillard, 30, Cocoa Beach, Floriduh Crooks lead cops to their meth lab Police stumbled onto a large meth lab at Harbor Isles Condominium in Cocoa Beach this morning – Brevard County Sheriff’s Agents seized about 5.5 kilos of meth oil that could have been further refined into methamphetamine. It began with a car theft. A Cocoa Beach woman turned a 2008 Chrysler Sebring over to a credit company. Her son, Douglas Herman, took the car back from a lot on Barton Boulevard in Rockledge, according to Rockledge Police Lt. Donna Seyferth. The credit company reported the car stolen. This morning at about 8 a.m., Cocoa Beach police responded to the condominium at the request of Rockledge police in an effort to find the stolen car, according to Cocoa Beach Police Maj. Jay Harmon. Officers found it in the parking lot and approached unit 1126. Three people saw the police and fled – one was injured after jumping from the unit’s second story window. They were all arrested. Police on scene noticed the characteristic aroma of a meth operation and called Brevard County Sheriff’s Office for assistance, according to Deputy Maria Fernez. Deputies responded to the condo, which belongs to Herman’s mother, though she hasn’t been there in about a month. A hazmat team responded, evacuating the surrounding apartments. Inside, they found several jugs of meth oil, totaling about 5,500 grams. “That is quite a bit,” Fernez said. “In fact, 400 grams equals a capital felony.” Harmon identified the three people arrested and their charges as: Douglas Herman, 43, of Merritt Island – trafficking in methamphetamine and resisting an officer without violence. Paul Dillard, 30, of Cape Canaveral – trafficking in methamphetamine and resisting an officer without violence. Malhon Daughtery, 34, of Merritt Island – resisting an officer without violence. Tech Support Pits From: Linda Re: What to do about a spam scam? Dear Webby My friend shared your today's message with me. Delightful. She also suggested you might be able to answer a question for me. This morning I received a spam message from "someone" purporting to be "An American Soldier" but really it was spam (i.e. discovered some money in Iraq and needed help, etc.). It made me angry. Is there anyone I can send this spam message to and they can stop it?? Thank you. Linda Dear Linda That's just a 419 scam, also called "Nigerian scam" or "Advance Fee scam", and it has been going around since the first Iraq war. Unless you are willing to travel to Nigeria and take the law into your own hands, about all you can do is send it to the US Secret Service. US Secret Service Financial Crimes Division 950 H Street N.W. Suite 5300 Washington, DC 20223 Phone: (202) 406-5850 Fax: (202) 406-5031 419.fcd@usss.treas.gov The Secret Service is not really doing anything about it, even though this scam costs Americans over 100 Million Dollars a year, but apparently they draw up neat charts showing how many more people fall for that same old scam each year. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Beverages for the Christmas Cactus I have a 55+ year old Christmas Cactus that I got after my grandmother's death. It didn't do very well and didn't grow much and I was about to throw it away; then, I remembered seeing my grandmother pour whatever she was drinking on the cactus. (Tea, coffee) I started giving the cactus a cup of coffee once a week and it has just exploded! It blooms twice a year and has grown by leaps and bounds. Try coffee! By Liz from Birmingham, AL Editor's Note: This works really well but make sure it is has no sugar or cream in it. A cup of water with regular plant food, that you give to other plantsworks well too over the winter. Spring, summer and fall it is best to hang them out into the wind. They are incredibly strong and like all succulents love th wind. It helps them to pump nutrients up. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
"Late again," the third-grade teacher said to little Sammy. "It ain't my fault," Miss Crabtree. "You can blame this on my dad. The reason I'm three hours late? Dad sleeps nights in the raw!" Now Miss Crabtree had taught grammar school for thirty-some-odd years. So she asked little Sammy what he meant by that, despite her mounting fears. Full of grins and mischief, and in the flower of his youth, little Sammy and trouble were old friends, but he always told the truth. "You see, Miss Crabtree, at the ranch we got this here lowdown coyote. The last few nights he done et six hens and killed Ma's best milk goat. And last night, when Dad heard a noise out in the chicken pen, he grabbed his gun and said to Ma, 'That coyote's back again, I'm a gonna git him!'" "'Stay back, he yelled to all us kids, I wouldn't want ya hurt!' He was naked as a jaybird, no boots, no pants, no shirt! To the hen house he crawled, just like an Injun on the snoop. Then he stuck that double barrel through the hatch of the coop. As he stared into the darkness, with coyotes on his mind, our old hound dog Zeke had done woke up and come asneakin' up behind Dad. Then we all looked on plumb helpless as Dad was cold-nosed without warnin'." "Miss Crabtree, we been cleanin' chickens since three o'clock this mornin'!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Three nurses arrive at the pearly gates. St. Peter asks the first why he should admit her. She replies that she has been an emergency room nurse and has saved thousands and thousands of lives. "OK", he says, "Come on in!" The second reports that he has been an ICU nurse and he, too, has saved thousands and thousands of lives. St. Peter lets him in, too. St. Peter asks the third nurse the same question. She replies that she has been a managed care nurse and has saved thousands and thousands of dollars for the insurance company. St. Peter replies, "OK. Come on in. But you can only stay three days."
>From Agnes I have five siblings, three sisters and two brothers. One night I was chatting with my Mom about how she had changed as a mother from the first child to the last. She told me she had mellowed a lot over the years: "When your oldest sister coughed or sneezed, I called the ambulance. When your youngest brother swallowed a dime, I just told him it was coming out of his allowance."

» Harey Critters

Today, December 2, in
1804 Napoleon was crowned emperor of France in the Cathedral 
 of Notre Dame in Paris.
1823 U.S. President James Monroe outlined his doctrine opposing 
 European expansion in the Western Hemisphere.
1901 Gillette patented the KC Gillette Razor. It was first 
 razor to feature a permanent handle and disposable 
 double-edge razor blades.
1917 During World War I, hostilities were suspended on the 
 eastern front.
1927 The Ford Motor Company unveiled the Model A automobile. 
 It was the successor to the Model T.
1939 New York's La Guardia Airport began operations as an 
 airliner from Chicago landed at 12:01 a.m.
1942 A self-sustaining nuclear chain reaction was demoed
 by Dr. Enrico Fermi and his staff at University of Chicago.
1954 The U.S. Senate voted to condemn Sen. Joseph R. McCarthy 
 for McCarthy's controversial investigation of suspected 
 communists in the U.S. government, military and civilian society.
1961 Cuban leader Fidel Castro declared in a nationally 
 broadcast speech that he was a Marxist-Leninist and that 
 he was going to lead Cuba to communism.
1969 The Boeing 747 jumbo jet got its first public preview as 
 191 people flew from Seattle, WA, to New York City, NY. Most 
 of the passengers were reporters and photographers.
1970 The Environmental Protection Agency began operating
1980 The Central Committee of Poland’s Communist Party 
 announced major Politburo changes to cope with labor unrest.
1982 Doctors at the University of Utah implanted a permanent 
 artificial heart in the chest of retired dentist Barney Clark. 
 He lived 112 days with the device. The operation was the 
 first of its kind.
1988 Benazir Bhutto was sworn in as prime minister of Pakistan.
1989 V.P. Singh was sworn in as prime minister of India.
1990 Chancellor Hekmut Kohl's coalition won the first free 
 all-German elections since 1932.
1990 The Midwest section of the U.S. prepared for a massive 
 earthquake predicted by Iben Browning. Nothing happened.
1991 American hostage Joseph Cicippio was released by his 
 kidnappers. He had been held captive in Lebanon for 
 over five years.
1992 Germany's lower house of parliament voted in favor 
 of the Maastricht Treaty on European unity.
1993 Colombian drug lord Pablo Escobar was shot to death 
 by security forces in Medellin.
1993 The space shuttle Endeavor blasted off on a mission 
 to fix the Hubble Space Telescope.
1994 The U.S. government agreed not to seek a recall of 
 allegedly fire-prone General Motors pickup trucks. Instead 
 a deal was made with GM under which the company would spend 
 more than $51 million on safety and research.
1997 U.S. Attorney General Janet Reno declined to seek an 
 independent counsel investigation of telephone fund-raising 
 by President Clinton and Vice President Gore. 
1999 The British government transferred political power over 
 the province of Northern Ireland to the Northern Ireland 
2001 Enron Corp. filed for Chapter 11 reorganization. The 
 filing came five days after Dynergy walked away from a 
 $8.4 billion buyout. It was the largest bankruptcy in U.S.
2010 NASA announced the discovery of a new arsenic-based 
 life form. 

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Comcast Connectivity problem 

Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, December 1.

Today's Internationsl Bonehead Award goes to 
Gusano's Pizzeria in Conway, Ark. and a breasstfeeding drunk

Details at International Bonehead Awards

Home4Christmas.com is for sale.
The sale of this domain name includes a quarter year 
hosting, and a basic site design. You have to gather
the pictures yourself, though, and put some text together.
The text can be in email or word processor or text file,
or HTML, if you are already familiar with it.

Once you have your own site, you can, of course edit and 
expand at any time. I will just make a headstart desgn 
for you.

Have FUN!

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Holding anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. --- The Buddha
>From Dianne A game warden was driving down the road when he came upon a young boy carrying a wild turkey under his arm. He stopped and asked the boy, 'Where did you get that turkey?' The boy replied, 'What turkey?' The game warden said, 'That turkey you're carrying under your arm.' The boy looks down and said, 'Well, lookee here, a turkey done roosted under my arm!' The game warden said, 'Now look, you know turkey season is closed, so whatever you do to that turkey, I'm going to do to you. If you break his leg, I'm gonna break your leg. If you break his wing, I'll break your arm. Whatever you do to him, I'll do to you. So, what are you gonna do with him?' The little boy said, 'I guess I'll just kiss his ass and let him go!'

>From Nanarina OLE'S WISCONSIN FIRE INSURANCE A man and his wife moved back home to Wisconsin from Arizona . The wife had a wooden leg and to insure it in Arizona was $2,000.00 a year. When they arrived in Wisconsin, they went to Sven's Insurance agency to see how much it would cost to insure the wooden leg. Sven looked it up on his computer and said to the couple, "$39.00." The husband was shocked and asked why it was so cheap here in Wisconsin to insure, because it cost him $2,000.00 in Arizona. Sven turned his computer screen to the couple and said, "Well, here is it on the screen, direct from Ole's Wisconsin Fire Insurance Company; it says: Any wooden structure, with a sprinkler system over it, is $39.00". I always did find Wisconsin logic far superior to most others.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Gusano's Pizzeria in Conway, Ark. and Tasha Adams. Woman Fired After Calling Cops on Mom Drinking and Breastfeeding A server at Gusano's Pizzeria in Conway, Ark. says she was fired after calling the police on a woman drinking alcohol and breastfeeding her child at the same time. She's now demanding answers from her former employer. Jackie Conners said she watched Tasha Adams, 28, consume "drink after drink" last Wednesday and finally called the police. Conners told KARK 4, "Me being a mom, and just seeing something like that and seeing a baby that can't speak for itself having a parent do something like that is just unacceptable." Adams was arrested and charged with endangering the welfare of a minor and the 7-month-old child was released to family members. According to the Daily Mail, Adams believes the incident was "blown out of proportion" and wants people to know she's "really a normal person." Several days after the incident, Conners says she was fired for "taking the situation into her own hands." However, a manager at Gusano's said the call to police was "not the reason" she lost her job. Tech Support Pits From: Judy Re: Comcast connection problem Hi Webby I have problems with my internet service there are times when I try to open my Comcast E-Mail with Google it will set and spin a blue circle and not open and i get this popup message empty response and I will loose my internet connection for a period of time.My Mozzella and Internet Explorer will not open my Comcast e-mails I have contacted Comcast ,but they will not listen to my problem and they will not let me talk to a technical person. to find out what empty response is and why I loose my internet connetion. Can you help? Judy Dear Judy That is typical for long term contracts with Comcast. Sometimes you can get better service by writing to the newspaper, but usually that is a waste of time, since they are a huge national ISP. You can try calling their billing department and telling them that you are cancelling because of lack of acceptable service. Sometimes Billing will connect you to actual techs, but don't count on it. Check for a local ISP. In almost all instances they provide better service. They are aware of what is written about them in the local paper, and they know you can vitit them and swing a frying pan. The threat of you comming over and screeching a temper tantrum at them, terrifies them. Local Ma and Pa ISPs are in almost all instances more expensive than the Low-service national ISPS, but sometimes you can talk them into matching prices, or get fairly close. Keep in mind, that personal service DOES cost money, and needs to be paid for. It is usually worth it. Don't try switching to Verizon or Earthlink. Most likely they just sell the same low-service connection. Get a real local ISP, and talk to them. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Spray Foaming Bleach or CLR for Mold Grout lines in the bathtub/shower stall are notorious for growing mold if not kept in check. I have found that keeping a spray bottle of Clorox foaming bleach or a spray bottle of CLR (or Lime-Away) in the bath area reduces clean up time. Once a week after a shower, simply spritz the cleaning product on the grout lines. Finish getting yourself ready, then before leaving the bathroom, rinse down the stall with warm water. Lime-Away also works wonders on the glass of the shower stall. Do this regularly and you will never spend a precious Saturday morning scrubbing your bathroom. By Scout from Tennessee Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
I went to a store to buy some insecticide. "Is this good for beetles?" I asked the clerk. "No," replied. "It'll kill 'em."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

The local Pastor was visiting the home of Sister Jones to comfort her after the recent loss of her husband. "Come in Pastor." Stated Sister Jones. "Have a seat on the sofa." Sitting on the sofa, the Pastor eyed a dish of peanuts setting on the coffee table. He took a few of the peanuts and began to eat them. After ten minutes he noticed that he had eaten nearly all the peanuts. "Why Sister Jones," said the Pastor, "It appears that I have eaten almost all your peanuts." "That's okay Pastor." replied Sister Jones. "Now that I have lost all my teeth I only get to suck the chocolate off!"
>From Wendy My mother and I were walking down the street when a man stopped us. "I'm taking a survey," he said. "Do you think there is too much sex in movies?" "I'm not sure," replied my mother. "Since Bob, my husband, stopped coming to the movies, I get too wrapped up in the film to notice what the rest of the audience is doing."

» Salty Stuff

Today, Nov 30, in
1835 Hans Christian Andersen published his first book of fairy 
1913 Ford Motor Co. began using a new movable assembly line 
 that ushered in the era of mass production.
1913 The first drive-in automobile service station opened, 
 in Pittsburgh, PA.
1919 Lady Astor was sworn in as the first female member 
 of the British Parliament.
1925 The Locarno Pact finalized the treaties between World 
 War I protagonists.
1934 Sergei M. Kirov, a collaborator of Joseph Stalin, was 
 assassinated at the Leningrad party headquarters.
1941 In the U.S., the Civil Air Patrol was created. In April 
 1943 the Civil Air Patrol was placed under the jurisdiction 
 of the Army Air Forces.
1942 In the U.S., nationwide gasoline rationing went into effect.
1952 In Denmark, it was announced that the first successful 
 sex-change operation had been performed.
1955 Rosa Parks, a black seamstress in Montgomery, AL, refused 
 to give up her seat to a white man. Mrs. Parks was arrested 
 marking a milestone in the civil rights movement in the U.S.
1959 12 countries, including the U.S. and USSR, signed a treaty 
 that set aside Antarctica as a scientific preserve, which 
 would be free from military activity.
1965 An airlift of refugees from Cuba to the United States began.
1969 The U.S. government held its first draft lottery since 
 World War II.
1984 A remote-controlled Boeing 720 jetliner was deliberately 
 crashed into California's Mojave Desert to test an anti-flame 
 fuel additive. The test proved to be disappointing.
1989 Dissidents in the Philippine military launched an unsuccessful 
 coup against Corazon Aquino's government.
1989 East Germany's Parliament abolished the Communist Party's 
 constitutional guarantee of supremacy.
1990 Iraq accepted a U.S. offer to talk about resolving the 
 Persian Gulf crisis.
1990 British and French workers digging the Channel Tunnel 
 finally met under the English Channel.
1991 Ukrainians voted overwhelmingly for independence from 
 the Soviet Union.
1992 Russian President Boris Yeltsin survived an impeachment 
 attempt by hard-liners at the opening of the Russian Congress.
1994 The U.S. Senate gave final congressional approval to the 
 124-nation General Agreement on Tariffs and Trade.
1998 Exxon announced that it was buying Mobil for $73.7 billion 
 creating the largest company in the world to date. 

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Why not large size thumb drives? 

Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, November 30.

Thanks, Dr Bill!

Today's Internationsl Bonehead Award goes to a
A bunch of perverts, who got caught trying to mess with
cops posing as under age kids.
Details at International Bonehead Awards

Have FUN!

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"A philanthropist is someone who returns publicly what he stole privately" --- George Bernard Shaw
>From Dr Bill Here's a bit I found crumpled up under my bed; thought you might get a kick from it - maybe I got it from you in the first place - Yes, Dr Bill, I have indeed posted that before, but long enough ago, that I can post it again. 1. the Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country. 2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country. 3. The NY Times is read by people who think George Soros bought the right people to run the country. 4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country, but really don't understand the Washington Post; they do, however, like their statistics in "Pie charts". 5. The LA Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country if they could spare the time, and they didn't have to leave LA to do it. And they aren't quite sure whether it is Coke or Weed that is illegal. 6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country and did a far superior job, thank you very much! 7. The NY Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country, and don't really care as long as they get a seat on the train. 8. The NY Post is read by people who don't care who's running the country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated and/or it's extramarital. 9. The SF Chronicle is read by peole who aren't sure there is a country...or that anyone is running it; but whoever it is, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped minority feminest atheist gay dwarves, who also happen to be illegal aliens from any country or galaxy as long as they are Democrats. 10. The Miami Herald is read by people who run another country, but need the baseball scores. 11. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store. 12. The Huffington Post is read by people, who want to get the news that were censored by the US mainstream media.

Thanks to Martin for bringing back this classic: have a Labrador Retriever & I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog (?) On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete, so I was going to try it again. I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy who was behind her. Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned. I told her no; I'd been sitting in the street licking my butt and a car hit me. I thought the tall guy was going to need help as he roared with laughter staggering to the door and fresh air.
Click on the picture for the large version Fantasy Tree
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kristopher Gilbert, Titusville and Lorne Oland of Cocoa, both in Floriduh Jailed for soliciting minors online A substitute teacher from Titusville is among 28 individuals recently arrested by the Osceola County Sheriff's Office on various child sex charges. Kristopher Gilbert of Titusville, a substitute teacher in Brevard Public Schools, and Lorne Oland of Cocoa were arrested in the undercover sting. In the five-day operation, a collaboration between the sheriff’s office and the Central Florida Internet Crimes Against Children Task Force, authorities posed as children or as the guardians of children online and on instant message programs. Gilbert was charged with attempted sexual battery, attempted lewd and lascivious battery, two counts of traveling to seduce a child for sex, two counts of use of a computer to solicit child and two counts of use of a computer to solicit a guardian. Oland was charged with attempted lewd and lascivious battery, traveling to seduce a child for sex and use of a computer to solicit child. Earlier this school year, Gilbert substituted at two Titusville elementary schools: Imperial Estates on Aug. 15, 16, 19 and 23, and Coquina on Sept. 5 and 13, according to Brevard Public Schools. Brevard Public Schools Spokeswoman Michelle Irwin said that Gilbert started substituting in April 2012. Information about schools he substituted at last school year is not immediately known. Gilbert has not substituted since mid-September. He was terminated upon his arrest, she said. “He’s no longer a substitute with us,” Irwin said. “We don’t want individuals with those kinds of tendencies in Brevard schools.” There were 26 others caught in the same sting operation, but I don't have mugshots of those, yet. Tech Support Pits From: Ava Re: Why not a 128 GB thumb drive? Dear Webby, Why are you against larger thumb drives? They are cheaper than hard drives, and almost as fast. Ava Dear Ava If you misplace an 8 GB thumb drive, it is probably not such a big problem as when you loose a 128 Gb drive, that has your entire business and live on it. Stick with smaller drives until you have a good routine for handling and storing thumb drives. They are getting smaller and easier to misplace or loose all the time. Unless you are in the habit of misplacing or losing your keys, get the type, that go onto your key ring. Another good alternative is the flexible bracelets, like they wear in banks. Get into the habit of always hanging them up behind a certain closet or cabinet door, whenever they are not in use. Since you can get them in many colors and shapes, dedicate different colors to different tasks, for example red for music, blue for accounting, green for movies, etc. Your accounting will easily fit onto a 1 or 2 GB stick, but for music and movies you might some day need a 16 GB. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Leftover Thanksgiving Meal Containers I buy the throw-away aluminum baking pans with lids to send leftovers home for my guests. Example: for my three children, I buy 2 pans for each family; one for the main meal leftovers and one for desserts. This eliminates searching through cabinets for margarine tubs, or plastic containers. These aluminum baking pans can be purchased at the local Dollar stores and come in various sizes. By WandaJo from Collierville, Tennessee Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Thanks to Glenis for this story: Although he had packed his bag for a business trip the night before, my husband planned to come home from the office before leaving. That afternoon he called to say the meeting had been canceled and on the spur of the moment we decided to spend a romantic, child-free night in a hotel. I quickly repacked his suitcase, replacing his belongings with two wine glasses, candlesticks and candles and some bubble bath. Then I dashed out to buy a bottle of wine. When I returned, the bag was gone. A note on the kitchen table read: "Sorry, hon, the conference is on after all. I'll call you when I get there."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go fix them a couple drinks. As he's standing there he notices a cute little vase on the mantel. He picks it up and as he's looking at it, she walks back in. He says, "What's this?" She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there." He turns beat red and says, "Gee, oh...I'm sorry...I..." She continues, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray."
The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had had enough. "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back." "You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "Let's see what you got." The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right, dumb ass! Get in."

» Sublime Power

Today, Nov 30, in
1016 English King Edmund II died.
1700 8,000 Swedish troops under King Charles XII defeated an 
 army of at least 50,000 Russians at the Battle of Narva. 
 King Charles XII died on this day.
1782 The United States and Britain signed preliminary peace 
 articles in Paris, ending the Revolutionary War.
1803 Spain completed the process of ceding Louisiana to France.
1838 Three days after the French occupation of Vera Cruz 
 Mexico declared war on France.
1853 During the Crimean War, the Russian fleet attacked and 
 destroyed the Turkish fleet at the battle of Sinope.
1875 A.J. Ehrichson patented the oat-crushing machine.
1897 Thomas Edison's own motion picture projector had its 
 first commercial exhibition.
1936 London's famed Crystal Palace was destroyed in a fire. 
 The structure had been constructed for the International 
 Exhibition of 1851.
1939 The Russo-Finnish War began when 20 divisions of Soviet 
 troops invaded Finland. Finland asked Germany for help, and
 kicked the Krauts out once they had chased the Russians back,
 and when it became obvious, that the Allies would win.
1949 Chinese Communists captured Chungking.
1954 In Sylacauga, AL, Elizabeth Hodges was injured when a 
 meteorite crashed through the roof of her house. The rock 
 weighed 8½-pounds.
1966 The former British colony of Barbados became independent.
1986 "Time" magazine published an interview with U.S. President 
 Reagan. In the article, Reagan described fired national security 
 staffer Oliver North as a "national hero."
1989 PLO leader Yasser Arafat was refused a visa to enter the 
 United States in order to address the U.N. General Assembly
 in New York City.
1993 U.S. President Clinton signed into law the Brady Bill. 
 The bill required a five-day waiting period for handgun 
 purchases and background checks of prospective buyers.
1998 The Deutsche Bank AG announced that it would acquire 
 Bankers Trust Corp. for $10.1 billion creating the world's 
 largest financial institution.

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Transferring files without a network 

Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, November 29.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Thaks, Dr Bill!

Today's Internationsl Bonehead Award goes to a
Henry Earl for his 1500th jail time.
Details at International Bonehead Awards

Town names:
>From Norm
Climax, Sask.

Have FUN!

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Speech is conveniently located midway between thought and action, where it often substitutes for both. --- John Andrew Holmes
Tech support people like me spend our days on the phone with customers. Many like to chat while waiting for their computers to reboot. One man told me he'd been a long-haul truck driver. I'd love to drive a big rig," I said, "but I'd worry about falling asleep at the wheel." "Here's a tip to stay awake," he offered. "Put a $100 bill in your left hand and hold it out the window."

Deep in the woods of Tennessee on a country road, a speeder hit and killed a dog. The dog's owner stood nearby, a gun in his hand. The speeder looks at the owner sheepishly and says, "Looks as if I killed your dog." "Sure does." "I'm sorry. Was it a valuable dog?" "I wouldn't say that." "Well, suppose I gave you a hundred dollars. Would that be enough?" "Well, I don't know." "Two hundred dollars. That should do it." "Sounds good." The speeder reached into his pocket and came up with the money. Pressing it into the man's hand, he said, "I'm sorry I spoiled your plans to go hunting." "I wasn't going hunting. I was heading out to the woods to put that that mangy mutt out of his misery."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Henry Earl, Fayette County Jail, Kentucky Thanksgiving In Jail For World's Most Busted Man Kentuckian has been arrested more than 1500 times since '70 NOVEMBER 27--The World’s Most Arrested Man, a Kentuckian who has been busted more than 1500 times over the past four decades, will spend another Thanksgiving in jail, records show. Henry Earl, 64, is locked up in the Fayette County Detention Center--which one day should bear his name--following his arrest last month for public intoxication. Earl was collared outside a fast food joint by Lexington cops, according to jail records. Seen above in his most recent mug shot, Earl is due in court for a December 5 pretrial conference and a probation revocation hearing. Earl, whose arrests almost uniformly have involved alcohol, was first nabbed in Fayette County in July 1970, when he was 20, for carrying a concealed weapon. He would rack up 33 more arrests that decade, while adding 230 collars during the 1980s (most of which involved public drunkenness and/or disorderly conduct). Remarkably, Earl’s arrest rate increased in the following decades, in part because he rarely spent more than a couple of days in custody before being released (to offend again). Over the past year, however, Kentucky judges have been less lenient on Earl, who has begun spending two to three month stretches in custody per conviction. For the third time in the past five years, Earl will spend Thanksgiving behind bars (where he celebrated his 64th birthday on October 24). Earl, who has used the alias “James Brown,” has spent a total of nearly 6000 days in custody. ---------- Somebody should tell him that they now have showers outside of jail too, even in Kentucky. Tech Support Pits From: Belinda Re: Transferring files Dear Webby, There IS a bimbo proof alternative that you did not mention: Thumbdrives! They work even for blondes like me! They are like a USB drive without a cable, and plug directly into any USB port. Just plug it in, and the computer sees a new drive. Drag stuff onto it, unpug it, walk it over to the other computer, plug it in, and drag stuff off it. Sneaker-Net works! Belinda Dear Belinda You are absolutely right, and today's thumbdrives are unbelievably cheap. Some computer stores even give them away for free on special sale days. However, even if you have to pay for one, they are cheap. Don't go for a 64GB thumb drive. Just to haul files over to another computer an 8 GB drive will usually be more than enough. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Free "Kettlebell" for Exercise Instead of purchasing a kettlebell, use a large empty plastic laundry bottle filled with water. Tighten the cap before each use to be sure it is on tight. By Denise G. In case you wonder what a "kettlebell" is, it is a currently fashionable substitute for hand held dumbbells. Kettlebells are just dumbbells in the shape of old-fashioned tea kettles. The major difference is that unlike dumbbells, they are not yet available, unused, at garage sales, but have to be purchased at premium prices at fitness paraphenalia stores. THAT makes them fashionable. You can get exactly the same exercise from an ordinary closthes iron. They usually cost a dollar at garage sales, and are usually unused wedding gifts. They even have a handy cord attached, that you can attach to a light fixture or rafter in your exercise room, so that it won't fall on your freshly painted toe nails, when you drop it the moment your cell phone rings. You can of course use the same trick with Denise's laundry bottle. The claimed difference with kettlebells over dumbbells is that they are as unbalanced as a clothes iron or laundry bottle and use some muscles, that a dumbbell does not use. I am going to dig out my iron. I might even try to iron a shirt or two. At the speed of my luck, I will probably get the hang of that faster than finding a lady, who knows how to iron a shirt. I think those are about as extinct as unicorns. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Father teaching his daughter to drive: "Stop on red, go on green, and take it easy when I turn purple."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Thanks to Ann for this story: An observant woman died one day, and found herself waiting in the long line for judgment. As she stood there, she noticed that some souls were allowed to march right through the pearly gates into heaven. Others, though, were led over to Satan, who threw them into the burning pit. But every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the fire, Satan would toss a soul into a small pile off to one side. After watching Satan do this several times, the woman's curiosity got the best of her. So she strolled over to find out what the devil he was doing. "Excuse me, Prince of Darkness," she said. "I'm waiting my turn for judgment, but I couldn't help wondering, why are you tossing those people aside instead of flinging them into the fires of hell with the others?" Ah, those..." Satan said with a groan. "They're all from Seattle and from Vancouver, they're too wet to burn! I'll have to wring them out first."

» Canine HiJinks:

Today, Nov 29, in
1864 The Sand Creek Massacre occurred in Colorado when a 
 militia led by Colonel John Chivington, killed at least 
 400 peaceful Cheyenne and Arapaho Indians who had 
 surrendered and had been given permission to camp.
1929 The first airplane flight over the South Pole was made 
 by U.S. Navy Lt. Comdr. Richard E. Byrd.
1939 The USSR broke off diplomatic relations with Finland 
s prior to a Soviet attack.
1945 The monarchy was abolished in Yugoslavia and a republic 
1947 The U.N. General Assembly passed a resolution that called 
 for the division of Palestine between Arabs and Jews.
1961 The Mercury-Atlas 5 spacecraft was launched by the U.S. 
 with Enos the chimp on board. The craft orbited the earth twice 
 before landing off Puerto Rico.
1963 A Trans-Canada Airlines DC-8F with 111 passengers and 
 7 crew members crashed in woods north of Montreal 4 minutes 
 after takeoff from Dorval Airport. All aboard were killed. 
 The crash was the worst in Canada's history.
1974 In Britain, a bill that outlawed the Irish Republican 
 Army became effective.
1975 Bill Gates adopted the name Microsoft for the company 
 he and Paul Allen had formed to write the BASIC computer 
 language for the Altair.
1981 Actress Natalie Wood drowned in a boating accident off 
 Santa Catalina Island, CA, at the age 43.
1982 The U.N. General Assembly voted that the Soviet Union 
 should withdraw its troops from Afghanistan.
1987 A Korean jetliner disappeared off Burma, with 115 
 people aboard.
1987 Cuban detainees released 26 hostages they'd been holding 
 for more than a week at the Federal Detention Center in Oakdale, LA.
1988 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the rights of criminal 
 defendants are not violated when police unintentionally fail to 
 preserve potentially vital evidence.
1989 In Czechoslovakia, the Communist-run parliament ended the 
 party's 40-year monopoly on power.
1990 The U.N. Security Council voted to authorize military action 
 if Iraq did not withdraw its troops from Kuwait and release all 
 foreign hostages by January 15, 1991.
1991 17 people were killed in a 164-vehicle wreck during a dust 
 storm near Coalinga, CA, on Interstate 5.
1994 Fighter jets attacked the capital of Chechnya and its 
 airport only hours after Russian President Boris Yeltsin 
 demanded the breakaway republic end its civil war.
1996 A U.N. court sentenced Bosnian Serb army soldier Drazen 
 Erdemovic to 10 years in prison for his role in the massacre 
 of 1,200 Muslims. 
1998 Swiss voters overwhelmingly rejected legalizing heroin 
 and other narcotics.

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Where is that picture from? 

Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, November 28.
If you are in the US, 
Happy Thanksgiving Day!
Thank you for being you!

Today's Internationsl Bonehead Award goes to a
drunk "mother" trowing Infant Daughter at cop
and resisting arrest after drunk car accident. 
Details at International Bonehead Awards

>From James
Subject: Town names. 
Dear Webby
 Here are a few more names to add 
Monkey's Eyebrow,AZ
Hot Coffee,MS
  I hope you have a very Happy Thanksgiving!

Thanks, James!

Have FUN!

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Get all the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything. --- Frank Dane Most of the change we think we see in life is due to truths being in and out of favor. --- Robert Frost (1874 - 1963) Every generation laughs at the old fashions, but follows religiously the new. --- Henry David Thoreau
Leola Starling of Ribrock, Tenn., had a serious telephone problem. But unlike most people she did something about it. The brand-new $10 million Ribrock Plaza Motel opened nearby and had acquired almost the same telephone number as Leola. From the moment the motel opened, Leola was besieged by calls not for her. Since she had the same phone number for years, she felt that she had a case to persuade the motel management to change its number. Naturally, the management refused claiming that it could not change its stationery. The phone company was not helpful, either. A number was a number, and just because a customer was getting someone else's calls 24 hours a day didn't make it responsible. After her pleas fell on deaf ears, Leola decided to take matters into her own hands. At 9 o'clock the phone rang. Someone from Memphis was calling the motel and asked for a room for the following Tuesday. Leola said, "No problem. How many nights?" A few hours later Dallas checked in. A secretary wanted a suite with two bedrooms for a week. Emboldened, Leola said the Presidential Suite on the 10th floor was available for $600 a night. The secretary said that she would take it and asked if the hotel wanted a deposit. "No, that won't be necessary," Leola said. "We trust you." The next day was a busy one for Leola. In the morning, she booked an electric appliance manufacturers' convention for Memorial Day weekend, a college prom and a reunion of the 82nd Airborne veterans from World War II. She turned on her answering machine during lunchtime so that she could watch a famous trial, but her biggest challenge came in the afternoon when a mother called to book the ballroom for her daughter's wedding in June. Leola assured the woman that it would be no problem and asked if she would be providing the flowers or did she want the hotel to take care of it. The mother said that she would prefer the hotel to handle the floral arrangements. Then the question of valet parking came up. Once again Leola was helpful. "There's no charge for valet parking, but we always recommend that the client tips the drivers." Within a few months, the Ribrock Plaza Motel was a disaster area. People kept showing up for weddings, bar mitzvahs, and Sweet Sixteen parties and were all told there were no such events. Leola had her final revenge when she read in the local paper that the motel might go bankrupt. Her phone rang, and an executive from Marriott said, "We're prepared to offer you $2 Million for the motel." Leola replied. "We'll take it, but only if you change the telephone number."

During an annual psychiatrists convention, three psychiatrists take a walk. "People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears," Kathryn says, "but we have no one to go to with our problems. Since we're all professionals, why don't we hear each other out right now?" They agree that this is a good idea. Robert, the first psychiartrist confesses, "I'm a compulsive shopper and deeply in debt, so I overbill patients as often as I can." The second, Kane, admits, "I have a drug problem that's out of control, and I frequently pressure my patients into buying illegal drugs for me." The third psychiatrist, Kathryn says, "I know it's wrong, but no matter how hard I try, I just can't keep a secret."
Click on the picture for the large version Telemark, Norway
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Tamika Williams, 28, Orlando, Floriduh Crashed Car, Threw Baby, Punched Officer A Florida woman involved in a car crash last week is accused of throwing her 2-year-old daughter at a cop and punching a different cop in the head. Tamika Williams, 28, hit a tree, rolled over and crashed into a fence in her SUV at around 11:55 p.m. Friday, according to a police report obtained by the Orlando Sentinel. The Orlando woman allegedly tried to flee the scene with her toddler in tow. When police tried to stop her, she threw the girl at an officer, "forcing me to catch the baby," he wrote in a report. He didn't fumble the pass. Next, she allegedly punched another officer in the head, then kept hitting her until the other officer used a stun gun on her. Williams is charged with child neglect, battery on a law enforcement officer, resisting arrest with violence, and leaving the scene of an accident. She's not the first mom to be accused of throwing a baby. In April, a Connecticut bus passenger was allegedly caught on camera tossing her child to the side before attacking a fellow passenger she claimed "disrespected her in front of her baby." Tech Support Pits From: Patricia Re: Where is that picture from? Dear webby, I am so glad that you got home safely from your appointment with eye doctor. Also happy that others contributed to your letter and kept it going. Can you tell me where the gorgeous picture in Today's Newsletter is? We are having cold rain here in Alabama. Snow usually stays North of here. Keep well and have nice Holidays. Patricia Dear KayDear Patricia When you click on the picture, then you get the big version: http://webby.com/humor/i/Tallulah-Gorge ... The name of the picture, if you save it to your computer, is Tallulah-Gorge-Georgia-L.jpg The name tells you that it is the Tallulah Gorge in Georgia and that it is the Large version. By going after the same name, but without the L, you get the small version, that is more convenient to put into your own emails: http://webby.com/humor/i/Tallulah-Gorge ... Sometimes I don't know the name of the location, but when I do, I put it into the file name. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Homemade Hand Soap In the days of counting pennies, this will help if you buy the hand soap pumps like I do. Once that pump is empty, I make my own for pennies using 1 Tbsp. dish soap (any kind will do), and 1 tsp. of bleach. Fill slowly with water and shake gently. You have a great hand soap that kills germs for pennies, compared to buying new pumps or the refills for them. By leigh harvey Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A young man was having some money problems, and needed $200 to get his car fixed and road-worthy again, but had run out of people to borrow from. So, he calls his parents via the operator, and reverses the charge and says to his dad, "I need to borrow two hundred dollars." At the other end, his father says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, son, I think there may be a bad line." The boy shouts, "Two hundred. I need two hundred dollars!" "Sorry, I still can't hear you clearly," says his father. The operator cuts in, "Sorry to butt in, but I can hear him perfectly." The father says, "Oh, good. Then YOU can send him some money!" Click
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

You Know You're a Redneck When 1.---The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse. 2.---You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids. 3.---You're been married three times and still have the same in-laws. 4.---You think a woman who is "out-of-your-league" bowls on a different night. 5.---Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people." 6.---You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean. 7.---Anyone in your family ever died right after saying: "Hey, Yall watch this." 8.---You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader. 9.---Your junior prom had a daycare. 10.---Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan. 11.---You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are: "Gentlemen, start your engines." 12.---You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels. 13.---The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas is in it. 14.---You have to go outside to get something from the fridge. 15.---One of your kids was born on a pool table. 16.---You need one more hole punched in your cards to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos. 17.---You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it. 18.---You think "loaded dishwasher" means your wife is drunk. 19.---Your toilet paper has page numbers on it. 20.---Your front porch collapses and kills more than one dog.

» Americal Fall Foliage

Today, Nov 28, in
1520 - Portuguese navigator Ferdinand Magellan reached the 
 Pacific Ocean after passing through the South American 
 strait. The strait was named after him. He was the first 
 European to sail the Pacific from the east.
1582 - William Shakespeare and Anne Hathaway were married.
1919 - American-born Lady Astor was elected the first female 
 member of the British Parliament.
1922 - Capt. Cyril Turner of the Royal Air Force gave the 
 first public exhibition of skywriting. He spelled out, 
 "Hello USA. Call Vanderbilt 7200" over New York's Times 
1934 - The U.S. bank robber George "Baby Face" Nelson was 
 killed by FBI agents near Barrington, IL.
1942 - 491 people died in a fire that destroyed the Coconut 
 Grove in Boston.
1943 - U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt, British Prime 
 Minister Winston Churchill and Soviet Leader Joseph Stalin 
 met in Tehran to map out strategy concerning World War II.
1963 - U.S. President Johnson announced that Cape Canaveral 
 would be renamed Cape Kennedy in honor of his assassinated 
 predecessor. The name was changed back to Cape Canaveral in 
 1973 by a vote of residents.
1964 - The U.S. launched the space probe Mariner IV from 
 Cape Kennedy on a course set for Mars.
1978 - The Iranian government banned religious marches.
1979 - An Air New Zealand DC-10 flying to the South Pole 
 crashed in Antarctica killing all 257 people aboard.
1983 - The space shuttle Columbia took off with the STS-9 
 Spacelab in its cargo bay.
1990 - Margaret Thatcher resigned as prime minister of Britain.
1992 - In King William's Town, South Africa, black militant 
 gunmen attacked a country club killing four people and 
 injuring 20.
1994 - Jeffrey Dahmer, a convicted serial killer, was clubbed 
 to death in a Wisconsin prison by a fellow inmate.
1994 - Norwegian voters rejected European Union membership.
1995 - U.S. President Clinton signed a $6 billion road bill 
 that ended the federal 55 mph speed limit.
2010 - WikiLeaks released to the public more than 250,000 U.S. 
 diplomatic cables. About 100,000 were marked "secret" or 

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How to export Favorites 

Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, November 27.

Today's Internationsl Bonehead Award goes to a
drunk "mother" for Delivering Deadly Drunken 
Breastfeed To Infant Daughter. 
Details at International Bonehead Awards

Towns added:
>From Bill and Flo
Dildo, Newfoundland

Have FUN!

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

How do you tell a communist? Well, it's someone who reads Marx and Lenin. And how do you tell an anti-Communist? It's someone who understands Marx and Lenin. --- Ronald Reagan (1911 - 2004)
A little boy came home from Sunday School with a big candy bar. His mother asked him where he got it. "I bought it at the store with the dollar you gave me," he said. "That dollar was for Sunday School," she scolded him. "I know, Mom, he replied, "but the Pastor met me at the door and got me in for free!"

Thanks to Lisa for this story: I was scheduled to fly from North Carolina to Germany, where my husband was stationed in the military. As I checked in at the airport, the ticket agent asked me some standard security questions. "Has anyone given you any packages that you didn't pack yourself?" he asked. I told him that my mother-in-law had given me a parcel to take to her son. He looked at me very carefully and asked: "Does she like you?"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Yadina Morales, 22, Hagerstown, MD Jailed for Delivering Deadly Drunken Breastfeed To Infant Daughter Reported by the Weekly Vice Yadina Morales, a 22-year-old Maryland woman, was jailed Saturday after she allegedly smothered her baby daughter to death while attempting to breast feed the child while heavily intoxicated. According to the Washington County Sheriff's Office, deputies were dispatched to a Hagerstown residence at around 7 a.m. when Morales woke up to find her 2-month-old baby unresponsive. Investigators say Morales was "highly intoxicated" when she fell asleep while breast feeding her baby. She woke up a few hours later to find the child underneath her and unresponsive. First responders rushed the little girl to Meritus Medical Center where she was pronounced dead. Morales was also taken to MMC where she was evaluated before her arrest. Morales was booked into jail and charged with manslaughter, second-degree child abuse and reckless endangerment. Last year, a man that Morales identified as her boyfriend, was charged with child abuse after Morales' 2-year-old daughter arrived at the emergency room with fractured ribs and other injuries. The suspect ultimately pleaded guilty to a lesser charge. Tech Support Pits From: Kay Re: How do I export favorites Dear Webby I have done this before, but I have forgotten the steps. I just want to save my favorites, so they won't be lost in case of a computer crash. Thank you so much for all of your help. Kay Dear Kay That used to be ALT FINE, but in their hysterical efforts to make things less user friendly, Microsoft blocked that method. I have not used IE for many years and had to do a bunch of experimenting. The Information at microsoft is not up to date yet, and does not help with the current IE. Well, they can look it up here. Near the right top you see a little house, a star and a gear. Hit the star. A button appears with "Add to Favorites" and a little pull-down arrow. Ignore the button and pull down the arrow. In the pull-down you see "Import and Export" Go into Export and select your choices. That is it with the current IE. Older versions are different and the December version will probably be different again. With FireFox it is still the same: CTRL SHIFT B to open the Bookmarks files ALT i to open the Import - Export E to export As long as you remember CTRL SHIFT B for Bookmarks, the rest are obvious and easy choices. Then you can save them as an HTML file that you can import again, or even upload for others to use. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Your Shower Curtain Clear! I found that if I spray the plastic shower curtain liner about once a week with a tub and tile foam cleaner, it will look almost new. I use the Dow Scrubbing Bubbles - just spray on the inside of the shower liner, wait a couple of minutes and wipe off with a sponge or spray with the shower head. Works great! By Melna Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Q. What's the most common cause of hearing loss amongst men? A. Wife saying they need to talk.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

I read a story about private pilots getting busted by the FAA and Secret Service in 2001 for straying into restricted air space -- mostly around President Bush's ranch in Texas. The trouble was, aviation charts aren't updated to include the restricted area and the Secret Service keeps changing the rules. One week it's a 30 mile circle, the next is a 20 mile radius. Right after September 11 a pilot in his 70s who lives near the President's place in Crawford thought it was ok to start flying again. He hopped in his plane and took off. That promptly set off alarms at the nearby Waco control tower, who dispatched F-16s to bring the man down. He was then escorted to Waco for questioning. After questioning the man and determining he was not a threat to the President, the Secret Service gave him a ride home. When they pulled up into the yard, the man's wife came charging out of the house, wiping her hands on her apron and screaming at the man. "You DUMBASS! I TOLD YOU NOT TO GO FLYING!" The man turned to the agents and said, "Can I go back to Waco with y'all?"

» Wild Creatures

Today, Nov 27, in
1684 Japan's shogun Yoshimune Tokugawa was born.
1701 Anders Celsius was born in Sweden. He was the inventor 
of the Celsius thermometer.
1889 Curtis P. Brady was issued the first permit to drive 
 an automobile through Central Park in New York City.
1970 Pope Paul VI, visiting the Philippines, was attacked 
 at the Manila airport by a Bolivian painter disguised as 
 a priest.
1973 The U.S. Senate voted to confirm Gerald R. Ford as 
 vice president after the resignation of Spiro T. Agnew.
1978 San Francisco Mayor George Moscone and City Supervisor 
 Harvey Milk, a gay-rights activist, were shot to death 
 inside City Hall by Dan White, a former supervisor.
1985 The British House of Commons approved the Anglo-Irish 
 accord giving Dublin a consulting role in the governing 
 of British-ruled Northern Ireland.
1989 107 people were killed when a bomb destroyed a 
 Colombian jetliner minutes after the plane had taken off 
 from Bogota's international airport. Police blamed the 
 incident on drug traffickers.
1992 In Venezuela, rebel forces tried but failed to overthrow 
 President Carlos Andres Perez for the second time in 
 ten months. 

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Windows 7 fails to install updates 

Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, November 25.

Today's Internationsl Bonehead Award goes to three 
Sasquatch Hunters. 
Details at International Bonehead Awards

Towns added:
>From Alison
Here is an odd town name for you.  
84, Pennsylvania.
by the way I live in 
Zelienople, Pa.  
Not that interesting, perhaps, but its a lot of fun when 
telemarketers try to pronounce it.
Thanks for taking some of the pain out of getting up in 
the morning.
Carry on!

Have FUN!

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today. --- Herman Wouk (1915 - )
Real notes to the Milkman These notes left for milkmen came from England, where milk apparently is still being delivered. "Dear Milkman, I've just had a baby, please leave another one." "Please leave an extra pint of paralysed milk." "Cancel one pint after the day after today." "Please don't leave any more milk. All they do is drink it" "Milkman please close the gate behind you because the birds keep pecking the tops off the milk." "Milkman. please could I have a loaf but not bred today." "Please cancel milk. I have nothing coming into the house but two sons on the dole." "Sorry not to have paid your bill before, but my wife had a baby and I've been carrying it around in my pocket for weeks." "Sorry about yesterdays note. I didn't mean one egg and a dozen pints, but the other way round." "When you leave my milk knock on my bedroom window and wake me because I want you 'to give me a hand to turn the mattress. "Please knock. My TV's broken down and I missed last nights Coronation Street. If you saw it, will you tell me what happened over a cup of tea." "My daughter says she wants a milkshake. Do you do it before you deliver or do I have to shake the bottle." "Please send me a form for cheap milk, for I have a baby two months old and did not know about it until a neighbour told me." "Please send me details about cheap milk as I am stagnant." "Milk is needed for the baby. Father is unable to supply it." "From now on please leave two pints every other day and one pint on the days in between, except Wednesdays and Saturdays when I don't want any milk." "My back door is open. Please put milk in 'fridge, get money out of cup in drawer and leave change on kitchen table in pence, because we want to play bingo tonight." "Please leave no milk today. When I say today, I mean tomorrow, for I wrote this note yesterday." "When you leave the milk please put the coal on the boiler, let dog out and put newspaper inside the screen door. PS. Don't leave any milk. "No milk. Please do not leave milk at No.14 either as he is dead until further notice."

Dear Diary: Monday: Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home. It's fun to cook for Bob. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said, "Beat 12 eggs separately" The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls. Tuesday: Bob wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, "Serve without dressing." So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Bob brought a friend home for supper. Wednesday: A good day for rice. Recipe said, "Wash thoroughly before steaming the rice." It seemed kinda of silly but I took a bath. I can't say it improved the rice any. Thursday: Today Bob asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said, "Prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving." Which is what led up to Bob asking me why there was lettuce in our bed that night. Friday: I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said, "Put a! ll ingredients in bowl and beat it." There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left. Saturday: Bob did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. ( oh boy) For some reason Bob keeps counting to ten. Sunday: Bob's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast. All I could find was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius. I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment. Good night, Dear Diary. This has been a very exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Bob. If we could just get a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with "Chocolate Moose."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Omar Pineda, 21, Perry James, 53, and Lacey Pineda, 22 in Rogers County, Oklahoma Man shoots friend while hunting for Bigfoot Reported by the Daily News Omar Pineda, 21, heard what he thought was 'barking' when he turned and shot his unidentified Sasquatch-hunting partner in some woods north of Tulsa, Okla., Saturday, police said. The victim was shot in the back and expected to survive. Two men were hunting for Bigfoot in rural Oklahoma when one of them accidentally shot the other, police said. Omar Pineda, 21, was spooked by what he thought was "barking" when he jerked around and shot his pal in a wooded area north of Tulsa on Saturday, Tulsa's News 6 reported. The friend, who wasn't identified, was shot in the back and expected to survive. EMTs met the pair at a QuikTrip convenience store after the shooting. Pineda was arrested for reckless conduct with a firearm and obstruction. His father-in-law, Perry James, and his wife, Lacey Pineda, were also arrested for helping the Sasquatch hunters evade investigation. Cops said James, 53, tossed Pineda's gun into a pond on his property, while the 22-year-old Lacey told cops someone else fired at the pair, News 6 reported. "If (they) had just been factual, upfront and truthful with us and explained that this was truly an accident, as strange as it might sound, we would have went ahead and investigated and probably nobody would have (gone) to jail," Rogers County Sheriff Scott Walton told the station. No Sasquatch was hurt in this incident. Tech Support Pits From: Russel Re: Windows7 fails to install updates Dear Webby: One of my W7 laptops running Professional had a similar problem. It kept telling me it was updating prior to shutting down but continued to go through the same process every power down sequence. I believe this is the link I used to solve the problem. See ‘Best Solution’. Windows Update Fails. Hard to be productiive when crap happens. - Russ Dear Rus Thank you! Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Permanent Marker As a teacher, once when I was preparing for a class, I used a permanent marker on the new dry eraser board. I read the marker and found EXPO's 1-800 number and called it for help. You can erase permanent marker by writing over it with another marker and wiping it off with a tissue. The second method for removing it is EXPO Erase spray. I have removed many a nasty note (middle schoolers) from desks, chairs, and mirrors in the bathroom. It should be named Miracle Spray. By SandyE from Battle Creek, MI Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying; DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! posted on the glass door. Inside he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor besides the cash register. He asked the store manager, "Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" "Yep, that's him," he replied. The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because"; the owner replied, "before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him nd bshing their teeth out on the counter."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Morris, a professional photographer was invited to dinner at the Goldblums. He took along a few pictures to show the hostess. Millie Goldblum looked at his photos and commented, "These are very good! You must have a very good camera." He didn't make any comment, however, as he was leaving to go home he said, "That was a really delicious meal, Millie!" "Thank you!" she replied enthusiastically. Then Morris added, "You must have a very good stove!"

» Pencil Portraits

Today, Nov 26, in
1716 The first lion to be exhibited in America went on 
 display in Boston, MA.
1789 U.S. President Washington set aside this day to 
 observe the adoption of the Constitution of the US.
1825 The first college social fraternity, Kappa Alpha, 
 was formed at Union College in Schenectady, NY.
1832 Public streetcar service began in New York City.
1867 J.B. Sutherland patented the refrigerated railroad car.
1917 The National Hockey League (NHL) was officially 
 formed in Montreal, Canada.
1922 In Egypt, Howard Carter peered into the tomb of 
 King Tutankhamen.
1940 The Nazis forced 500,000 Jews of Warsaw, Poland 
 to live within a walled ghetto.
1941 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed a bill 
 establishing the fourth Thursday in November as 
 Thanksgiving Day. 
1942 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt ordered 
 nationwide gasoline rationing to begin December 1.
1942 The motion picture "Casablanca" had its world 
 premiere at the Hollywood Theater in New York City.
1943 The HMS Rohna became the first ship to be sunk 
 by a guided missile, causing the death of 1,015 U.S. 
1949 India's Constituent Assembly adopted the country's 
 constitution The country became republic within the 
 British Commonwealth two months later.
1950 China entered the Korean conflict forcing UN 
 forces to retreat.
1965 France became the third country to enter space when 
 it launched its first satellite the Diamant-A.
1979 The International Olympic Committee voted to 
 re-admit China after a 21-year absence.
1983 A Brinks Mat Ltd. vault at London's Heathrow Airport 
 was robbed by gunmen. The men made off with 6,800 gold 
 bars worth nearly $40 million. Only a fraction of the 
 gold has ever been recovered and only two men were 
 convicted in the heist.
1985 The rights to Richard Nixon's autobiography were 
 acquired by Random House for $3,000,000.
1986 U.S. President Reagan appointed a commission headed 
 by former Sen. John Tower to investigate his National 
 Security Council staff after the Iran-Contra affair.
1988 The U.S. denied an entry visa to PLO chairman Yasser 
 Arafat, who was seeking permission to travel to New York 
 to address the U.N. General Assembly.
1990 Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev met with Iraqi 
 Foreign Minister Tariq Aziz at the Kremlin to demand that 
 Iraq withdraw from Kuwait.
1990 Matsushita Electric Industrial Co. agreed to acquire 
 MCA Inc. for $6.6 billion.
1992 The British government announced that 
 Queen Elizabeth II had volunteered to start paying taxes 
 on her personal income. She also took her children off 
 the public payroll.
1995 Two men set fire to a subway token booth in the 
 Brooklyn borough of New York City. The clerk inside was 
 fatally burned.
1997 The U.S. and North Korea held high-level discussions 
 at the State Department for the first time.
1998 Hulk Hogan announced that he was retiring from pro 
 wrestling and would run for president in 2000.
2003 The U.N. atomic agency adopted a resolution that 
 censured Iran for past nuclear cover-ups and warning 
 that it would be policed to put to rest suspicions 
 that the country had a weapons agenda. 

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Windows updating not completing 

Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, November 25.

Towns added:
>From Dr Bill
Gold Pants, Calif.

Have FUN!

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Some of the worst mistakes of my life have been haircuts. --- Jim Morrison (1943 - 1971) We know what happens to people who stay in the middle of the road. They get run over. --- Aneurin Bevan (1897 - 1960) "Everything is funny as long as it is happening to Somebody Else." --- Will Rogers
>From Dianne On Black Friday, a couple went Christmas shopping. The shopping center was packed. As the wife walked through the mall, she looked around to find her husband, who was nowhere to be seen. She became quite upset, because they had a lot of shopping to do. When not being able to find him, she became worried. So, she called him on her cell phone and asked him where he was. In a quiet voice he said, "Do you remember the jewelers we went to about five years ago, where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we couldn't afford and I told you that I would get it for you one day?" The wife became choked up and started to cry, then said, "Oh, honey! Yes, I do remember that shop." He replied, "Well, I'm in the pub, next door to it."

>From Lillemor Wife texts husband on cold winter morning: Windows frozen, won't open. Husband texts back: Gently pour some lukewarm water in small spray bottle and spray water on windows. Wife texts back 5 minutes later: Computer really screwed up now.
Click on the picture for the large version Airy, but maybe not hurricane proof.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Karie Lindgren, 36, Tarpon Springs, Floriduh Jailed For Running Over Duck Who Rejected Her Advances Reported by The Weekly Vice Karie Lindgren, a 36-year-old Florida woman, was jailed Saturday after she allegedly killed a duck after the animal rejected her advances. According to police, Lindgren became angry when she tried to lure a duck towards her with a piece of candy, but the duck refused to come to her. Witnesses say Lindgren "stalked the duck" in an attempt to win the animal's favor, but the duck would have no part of her. That's when she allegedly got into a car, drove across a lawn at a high rate of speed, and struck the animal with her vehicle. Officers who arrived on the scene found the dead duck laying in a driveway. Lindgren was booked into the Pinellas County Jail and charged with animal cruelty. She was released after posting $5,000 bail. Tech Support Pits From: Rose Re: Windows7 keeps updating Dear Webby: My Windows 7 has learned a new trick. When I shut it off, the screen informs me that it's installing one update. This happens every time I close down the computer. I've changed the Settings to "Inform Me Before Installing" but it ignores that. Help? Love, Rose Dear Rose Your settings will apply to future updates. It is still trying to finish one from before. Just let it finish, unless it is this Tuesday's. Some updates seem to take forever to finish, and are also very time consuming on the next start-up. That is normal for Windows 7 now. If you want fast and unobtrusive updates, then you will have to go to Linux. I can do updates and installs on a Linux server while a few throusand people are browsing sites on it, and none of them will notice it. If I have to reboot, it will appear to the visitors as if their connection had a momentary hick-up. Windows has an awfully long way to go to catch up to Linux! Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Newspaper For Shipping Use newspaper to wrap gifts! It's especially nice when you ship to another state and you can read what's going on in that area. It saves money on the fancy wrappings. By Debbie Once upon a time, long, long ago, in the days when I still read newspapers, I used to save the Weekend Funnies for just that purpose. Funnies are never "Old News". People loved them! Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
An elderly Italian man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite Italian cookies. With all his remaining strength, he lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs. With labored breath, he leaned against the doorframe, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven. There, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table, were literally hundreds of his favorite anisette cookies. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted Italian wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man? Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life. The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked hard with a wooden spoon by his wife. "GET OUT A HERE!" she shouted, "THEY'RE FORA DA FUNERAL!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A second grader arrived home after school and shocked his mother by announcing, "Today we learned how to make babies." Risking further embarrassment, the mother ask for details on how to make babies." "It's simple, the boy replied, "Just drop the'y' and add 'ies."

» Mt Etna being an Ash Hole and belching more Ash and gases

Today, Nov 25, in
1715 Sybilla Thomas Masters became the first American to 
 be granted an English patent for cleaning and curing 
 Indian corn.
1758 During the French and Indian War, the British 
 captured Fort Duquesne at what is now known as Pittsburgh.
1783 During the Revolutionary War, the British evacuated 
 New York. New York was their last military position in 
 the U.S.
1837 William Crompton patented the silk power loom.
1850 Texas relinquished one-third of its territory in 
 exchange for $10 million from the U.S. to pay its public 
 debts and settle border disputes.
1867 Alfred Nobel patented dynamite.
1884 J.B. Meyenberg received the patent for evaporated milk.
1920 The first play-by-play broadcast of a football game 
 was aired in College Station, TX. The game was between 
 the University of Texas and Texas A&M.
1936 The Anti-Comintern Pact, an agreement between Japan 
 and Germany, was signed.
1955 In the U.S., the Interstate Commerce Commission banned 
 racial segregation on interstate trains and buses.
1957 U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower suffered a stroke.
1970 Japanese author Yukio Mishima committed ritual suicide 
 after giving a speech attacking Japan's post-war constitution.
1973 Greek President George Papadapoulos was ousted in 
 military coup.
1976 O.J. Simpson (Buffalo Bills) ran for 273 yards 
 against the Detroit Lions.
1983 Mediators from Syria and Saudi Arabia announced 
 a cease-fire in the PLO civil war in Tripoli, Lebanon.
1986 U.S. President Reagan and Attorney Gen. Edwin Meese 
 revealed that profits from secret arms sales to Iran had 
 been diverted to rebels in Nicaragua. National Security 
 Advisor John Poindexter resigned and Oliver North was fired.
1992 The Czech parliament voted to split the country into 
 separate Czech and Slovak republics beginning 1993.
1998 Britain's highest court ruled that former Chilean 
 dictator Augusto Pinochet, whose extradition was being 
 sought by Spain, could not claim immunity from prosecution 
 for the crimes he was accused of having committed during 
 his rule.
1998 The IMF (International Monetary Fund) approved a 
 $5.5 billion bailout for Pakistan. 

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Windows 7 Gadgets are killed by update 

Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, November 24.
If you use "gadgets" like the clock or the CPU meter,
hold off with the current Windows update, and read today's
Tech Support Pits.

Have FUN!

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter because nobody listens. --- Nick Diamos Sounds like parliament
>From Cookie Town Names of the South Toad Suck, Arkansas Grosse Tete, Louisiana Horneytown, North Carolina Twin Knobs, Kentucky Three Way, Tennessee Flea Hop, Alabama Beaver Lick, Kentucky Big Bone Lick state park, Kentucky Knob Lick, Kentucky Paint Lick, Kentucky Bald Knob, Arkansas Climax. Georgia Sugar Teat, South Carolina Wiener, Arkansas Tight squeeze, Virginia Intercourse, Pennsylvania Big Beaver, Michigan Possum Grape, Arkansas If you got more, send them to me! The North has SNAFU (S.N.A.F.U. = Situation Normal, All Fu..ed Up) TARFU (T.A.R.F.U. = Things Are Really Fu..ed Up in the Yukon. They started out as military and construction camps in 1941 during construction of the Alaska Highway, when somebody's compass malfunctioned and the road took off at a right angle going southward, towards the Atlin, BC hotsprings. When they got TARFU established, they realized the errors of their way, and went back to what became Jake's Corner, and headed northwest towards Whitehorse and Anchorage again. SNAFU and TARFU became common Army terms. The road was extended past TARFU towards Atlin in the 70's. The Yukon has lakes all over the place, and of course, those two army camps were built by nice fishing lakes, probably because it was easy to establish camps on the lake ice, and to supplement the food with fish. I have fished in both of those lakes a few times.

My uncle Joe and his best buddy, Bubba, went hunting a couple of weeks ago. Somehow they got lost. (Uncle Joe swears it had nothing to do with the large quantities of alcohol consumed...) Uncle Joe reassured his buddy, though. "Don't worry. All we have to do is shoot into the air three times, stay where we are, and someone will find us." They shot in the air three times, but no one came. After a while, they tried it again. Still no response. When they decided to try once more, Bubba said, "It better work this time. We're down to our last three arrows."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Brian Hounslow, 37, Tulsa, Oklahoma Jailed For Naked Masturbation Inside Walmart Women’s Bathroom Reported by The Smoking Gun An Oklahoma man was arrested yesterday for allegedly masturbating in the women’s bathroom at a Tulsa Walmart, a solo act that was interrupted by a female shopper who discovered the naked suspect around 8:30 AM, police report. Customer Beth Davis told police that she entered the restroom yesterday morning and found a nude man pleasuring himself in front of the mirror. Davis, who fled the bathroom in search of help, said that she later saw the suspect, now dressed, depart the bathroom and head for the Walmart’s exit. So the 61-year-old Davis, who told TSG she was “in panic mode”, began filming him with her cell phone, while providing accompanying narration: “My name is Beth Davis and I witnessed it. You were naked and had your pants down around your ankles. Someone stop him. Do not let him go out that door.” While the man ran from the store, a second shopper photographed his vehicle and its license plate. Within two hours, Tulsa cops arrested Brian Hounslow, 37, for felony indecent exposure. Hounslow, seen in the above mug shot, was booked into the county jail, where he is being held in lieu of $5000 bond. According to a booking report, Hounslow confessed to sex crime detectives that he had been masturbating in the Walmart bathroom. The document also notes that Davis saw Hounslow’s “fully exposed turgid penis.” Davis, a grandmother of eight, said that Hounslow offered an apology, of sorts, when she confronted him after he left the restroom. Hounslow, she recalled, said, “I didn’t know it was the women’s bathroom.” Tech Support Pits From: Edith Re: Windows7 "Gadgets" disappeared Dear Webby, My Windows Gadgets disappeared, and I can't get them going again. I need my round clock! What's the story? Edith Dear Edith Forget the round clock. Microsoft has killed most gadgets, and has disabled the connections needed by third party gadgets. Apparently the sidebar connections were not authorized by the emperor, so they have been axed. Some Microsoft pages still tell you all about gadgets, but one of them says that the gadgets have been axed for security reasons. The official response is "Buy a new computer with W8, it has authorized apps for clocks." I agree that the task bar clock is too small. You can hit it, though, and see a round clock. Don't try to get third party clocks right now. They may look cute, but they don't work, many of them are unstable or not recommended for various reasons, and most of them come with ad ware and hard to get rid of slave ware like "intext.nav-links". So DON'T !!! Otherwise you might wind up with a new computer and W8 cussware sooner than planned. Just go to the Dollar Store and buy a goofy plastic watch and hang or glue it beside the monitor. Maybe by the time the watch battery runs out, we will have safe gadgets again. W8.1 is still Cuss-Ware, causing bad tempers and foul language. W8.3 is promised to be less of a user-hostile dud. Most likely your watch battery will last that long. The Microsoft CPU / Memory Meter gadget has been axed too. W7 apparently was not authorized to have that gadget. "Buy a new computer with W8, it has..." No thanks, I got work to do. Some of you probably have not installed Tuesday's Update yet. That update will murder your gadgets, when you activate it. You might want to procrastinate a bit with that, Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning Combs I use old toothbrushes for cleaning combs. Swish around shampoo in a sinkful of hot water, soak the combs for a few minutes and brush. By Michele Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Mac died at the controls of his plane and went to pilots' hell, where he found a hideous devil and three doors. The devil was busy escorting other pilots to various "hell rooms." "I'll be right back--don't go away," said the devil, and he vanished. Sneaking over to the first door, Mac peeked in and saw a cockpit, where the pilot was condemned to forever run through pre-flight checks. He slammed that door and peeked into the second. There, alarms rang and red lights flashed while a pilot had to avoid one emergency after another. Unable to imagine a worse fate, Mac cautiously opened the third door. He was amazed to see many beautiful, scantily clad flight attendants answering to a captain's every whim. He quickly returned to his place seconds before the devil reappeared. "Okay, Mac," said the devil, "Which door will it be, number 1 or number 2?" "Um, I want door number 3," answered Mac. "Nope," said the devil. "You can't have door number 3. That's flight attendants' hell."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

John and Nancy were married for 40 years and decided they wanted to renew their vows and planned a second wedding. They were discussing the details with their friends. Nancy wasn't going to wear a traditional bridal gown and she started describing the dress she was planning to wear. One of her friends asked what color shoes she had to go with the dress. Nancy replied, "Silver." At that point, John chimed in, "Yep silver - - to match her hair." Shooting a glaring look at John's bald spot, Nancy's friend said, "So John, I guess you are going barefoot."
http://www.ctvnews.ca/world/italy-s-mou ... gt; src="http://webby.com/humor/Diannes.jpg" align=left>
» Mt Etna being an Ash Hole and belching more Ash and gases

Today, Nov 24, in
1615 French King Louis XIII married Ann of Austria. 
 They were both 14 years old.
1859 Charles Darwin, a British naturalist, published 
 "On the Origin of Species." It was the paper in which 
 he explained his theory of evolution through the 
 process of natural selection.
1863 During the Civil War, the battle for Lookout 
 Mountain began in Tennessee.
1871 The National Rifle Association was incorporated 
 in the U.S.
1874 Joseph F. Glidden was granted a patent for a 
 barbed fencing material.
1903 Clyde J. Coleman received the patent for an 
 electric self-starter for an automobile.
1940 After Jewish Anti-Nazi riots, the Nazis closed off 
 the Jewish ghetto in Warsaw, Poland. Over the next three 
 years the population dropped from 350,000 to 70,000 
 due to escapes, starvation, disease and deportations 
 to concentration camps.
1944 During World War II, the first raid against the 
 Japanese capital of Tokyo was made by land-based 
 U.S. bombers.
1963 Dallas nightclub owner Jack Ruby shot and killed 
 Lee Harvey Oswald live on national television.
1969 Apollo 12 landed safely in the Pacific Ocean 
 bringing an end to the second manned mission to the moon.
1971 Hijacker Dan Cooper, known as D.B. Cooper, parachuted 
 from a Northwest Airlines 727 over Washington state with 
 $200,000 in ransom. He was never caught.
1983 The Palestine Liberation Organization released six 
 Israeli prisoners in exchange for the release of 4,500
 Palestinians and Lebanese held by the Israelis.
1985 In Malta, Egyptian commandos stormed an Egyptian 
 jetliner. 60 people died in the raid.
1987 The U.S. and the Soviet Union agreed to scrap 
 short- and medium-range missiles. It was the first 
 superpower treaty to eliminate an entire class of 
 nuclear weapons. They were too unpredictable.
1989 Czechoslovakia's hard-line party leadership resigned 
 after more than a week of protests against its policies.
1992 In China, a domestic jetliner crashed, killing 141.
1993 The U.S. Congress gave its final approval to the 
 Brady handgun control bill.
1993 Robert Thompson and Jon Venables (both 11 years old) 
 were convicted of murdering 2-year-old James Bulger of 
 Liverpool, England. They were both sentenced to 
 "indefinite detention, but have been released."
1995 In Ireland, the voters narrowly approved a 
 constitutional amendment legalizing divorce.
1996 Rusty Wallace won the first NASCAR event held in Japan.
1998 AOL (America Online) announced a deal for their 
 purchase of Netscape for $4.21 billion. After that, 
 they shelved it and used IE. Then they bought Times-Warner,
 but were no match for the new York gang,  who transferred
 some staff and funds to New York, and then dumped AOL.

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PayPal account limit notice 

Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, November 23.

Thank you, Nikki!

Have FUN!

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything. --- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832) A stupid man's report of what a clever man says can never be accurate, because he unconsciously translates what he hears into something he can understand. --- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
>From Roland Three Colorado nature lovers went for a drive into the mountains one day to see if they could spot some bears. They wanted to take pictures of bears for their photo album. So they drove along an old dirt road until they entered the trees. As they rounded a curve, they spotted a sign that read, "BEAR LEFT." So they turned around and went home.

Jon was in his usual place, sitting at the table, reading the paper during breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress who was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of IQ. He turned to his wife with a look of bewilderment on his face. "I'll never understand why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives." His wife replies, "Why, thank you, dear!"
Click on the picture for the large version Note the sunrise on the trees!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Charles "Chuck" Barry, 48, Trinity, Floriduh Jailed After Flashing Gun At Dunkin' Donuts, Demanding Police Officer Discount Reported by The Weekly Vice Charles "Chuck" Barry, a 48-year-old Florida man, was jailed Tuesday after he allegedly pretended to be a law enforcement officer to get a Dunkin' Donuts discount. According to the Pasco County Sheriff's Office, Barry pulled into a Dunkin' Donuts drive thru Tuesday morning, placed his order, and then pulled forward to the cashier's window in his Volkswagen minivan. Upon arriving at the window, Barry became "irate" when he learned that he would no longer be receiving a "law enforcement officer" discount on his purchases. Investigators say Barry and his family visited the restaurant on a regular basis, and argued with employees over getting the discount. The staff reportedly knew that Barry wasn't a real law enforcement officer because he sometimes claimed to be a federal air marshal while displaying a deputy's badge. Each time the store tried to withhold the discount, Barry would argue in the drive thru, holding up traffic, until the store gave in to his demand. The store eventually contacted the sheriff's office, who set up a surveillance system to record Barry's next visit. That didn't take long. On Tuesday morning, video surveillance cameras captured Barry as he verbally assaulted the cashier after learning that his LEO discount had been discontinued. At one point in the confrontation, Barry allegedly raised a .38 revolver and stated "See, I'm a cop." Deputies arrived at the scene as Barry was leaving the drive thru. Deputies stopped Barry and questioned him about his gun and asked to see his law enforcement credentials. Barry allegedly showed deputies the gun, his badge and stated "I did a stupid thing. I showed a badge to get the law enforcement discount on my food." He was immediately taken into custody. Barry was booked into the Pasco County Jail and charged with impersonating a law enforcement officer and improper exhibition of a firearm. He was released after posting $5150 bond. Tech Support Pits From: Diane Re: PayPal account limit notice Dear Webby, Did you get the PayPal account limit notice I forwared to you? In case you didn't, is an account limit notice like that legit? It has all the right colors and logos, but I vaguely remember you saying that if there is a link to click on, it is phony. It does have a link, but it looks legit. Trust it or dump it? Dianne Dear Dianne Dump it. What you forwarded must have been dumped by my MailWasher as obvious fraud and/or spam. It recognizes that and didn't even bother showing it to me. Just do the same thing. Dump it. If you have done something, that might cause PayPal to limit your account, go check it out at PayPal.com, by typing that into the browser address bar, NEVER by clicking on a link. Once you go to PayPal, you will find that your account is just fine, and probably has more money in it, than you expected. Both MailWasher and Eudora show the underlying URL behind a link, and if that one is sneakycrooks.ru, then it is rather obvious that it is a scam. Maybe ask Santa to get you Mailwasher. I sure am glad I got it in the 90's. It saved me a lot of time and hassles. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Carry a Laundry Basket in Your Car I keep a spare plastic laundry basket in the trunk of my car. It's great for toting home breakables (eggs, fruit or other groceries) or yard sale finds. Once I get home, I sort through the items and then put the empty basket back in the hallway near the front door, ready to put back in the car for my next trip. By Claire from Phoenix, AZ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A husband and wife were involved in a petty argument, both of them unwilling to admit they might be in error. "I'll admit I'm wrong," the wife told her husband in a conciliatory attempt, "if you'll admit I'm right." He agreed and, like a gentleman, insisted she go first. "I'm wrong," she said. With a twinkle in his eye, he responded, "You're right!" And ducked fast.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A kid called up his mum from college and asked her for some money. Mum said, "Sure, sweetie. Mum will send you some money. You also left your calculus book here when you visited 2 weeks ago. Do you want me to send that up too?" "Uhh, oh yeah," responded the kid. So Mum wrapped up the book along with the checks in a package, kissed Dad goodbye and went to the post office to mail the money and the book. When she returned, Dad asked, "Well how much did you give the boy this time?" Mum said, "Oh, I wrote him two checks: one for $20, and the other for $1,000." "That's $1,020!" yelled Dad. "Are you crazy???" "Don't worry, hon," Mum said. "I taped the $20 check to the cover of his book, but I put the $1,000 one somewhere between the pages in chapter 19! It stale dates in 60 days and becomes worthless."

» Goofy Restaurant Signs

Today, Nov 23, in
1765 Frederick County, MD, repudiated the British Stamp Act.
1835 Henry Burden patented the horseshoe manufacturing 
1889 The first jukebox made its debut in San Francisco, 
 at the Palais Royale Saloon.
1890 Princess Wilhelmina became Queen of the Netherlands 
 at the age of 10 when her father William III died.
1943 During World War II, U.S. forces seized control of 
 Tarawa and Makin from the Japanese during the Central 
 Pacific offensive in the Gilbert Islands.
1945 The U.S. wartime rationing of most foods ended.
1948 Dr. Frank G. Back patented the "Zoomar" lens.
1971 The People's Republic of China was seated in the 
 United Nations Security Council.
1979 In Dublin, Ireland, Thomas McMahon was sentenced 
 to life imprisonment for the assassination of Earl 
1980 In southern Italy, approximately 4,800 people were 
 killed in a series of earthquakes.
1983 The first Pershing II missiles were deployed in West 
 Germany. In response, the U.S.S.R. broke off International 
 Nuclear Forces (INF) talks in Geneva and pouted.
1985 Larry Wu-tai Chin, a retired CIA analyst, was arrested 
 and accused of spying for China. He committed suicide a 
 year after his conviction.
1985 Gunmen hijacked an Egyptian jetliner en route from 
 Athens to Cairo. The plane was forced to land in Malta.
1988 Wayne Gretzky scored his 600th National Hockey League 
 (NHL) goal.
1989 Lucia Barrera de Cerna, a housekeeper who claimed 
 she had witnessed the slaying of six Jesuit priests and 
 two other people at the Jose Simeon Canas University in 
 El Salvador, was flown to the U.S.
1994 About 111 people, mostly women and children, were 
 killed in a stampede after Indian police baton-charged 
 tribal protesters in the western city of Nagpur.
1998 Dennis Rodman filed for an annulment from Carmen Electra. 
 The two had been married on November 14, 1998.
1998 The tobacco industry signed the biggest U.S. civil 
 settlement. It was a $206-billion deal to resolve 
 remaining state claims for treating sick smokers.
1998 A U.S. federal judge rejected a Virginia county's 
 effort to block pornography on library computer calling 
 the attempt unconstitutional.
2010 North Korea shelled Yeonpyeong Island. 

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Subscriptions blocked on Gmail 

Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, November 1.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Thank you, all, who sent in some help over the last weekend,
too many to list all of you here. 
(I wrote to all of them personally)

Thank you, Rita!
Thank you, Dorothy!
Thank you Adrien!
Thank you, Admiral James!
Thank you, Robert & Loretta!

>From Dr Bill
Re one's daughters beginning to date:   
"The father who worries the most about his daughters, 
is the one with the best memory."

Repeat of the Thanksgivukkah recipes:
Thanksgiving + Hanukkah = Thanksgivukkah.
Some excellent recipes there!

Have FUN!

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) Against logic there is no armor like ignorance. --- Laurence J. Peter Ability will never catch up with the demand for it. --- Malcolm Forbes
Becky and Sally Ann were doing some carpenter work on a house. Becky who was nailing down siding would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in. Sally Ann, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?" Becky explained, "When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end and I throw them away." Sally Ann got completely upset and yelled, "You moron! Those nails aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!." --------- That is why we give them electric nail guns now, that sort the nails out for them automatically.
Fall Break was over and the teacher was asking the class about their vacations. She turned to little Johnny and asked what he did over the break. "We visited my grandmother in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania," he replied. "That sounds like an excellent vocabulary word," the teacher said. "Can you tell the class how you spell that?" Little Johnny thought about it and said, "You know, come to think of it, we went to Ohio."

Getting away from their high-stress jobs, a couple spent relaxing weekends in their motor home. When they found their peace and quiet disturbed by well-meaning, but unwelcome, visits from other campers, they devised a plan to assure themselves some privacy. Now, when they set up camp, they place this sign on the door of their RV: Insurance agents. Ask about our term-life package.
Thanks to Sue for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Note the sunrise on the trees!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Stephen Van Alphen, 46, North Fort Meyers, Floriduh Jailed After Exposing Himself To Neighbor's Kids, Challenging Deputies To Peek Under His Poncho Reported by The Weekly Vice Stephen Van Alphen, a 46-year-old Florida man, was jailed Friday after he allegedly exposed himself to neighbors and offered deputies a gander at his self described "small penis." According to the Lee County Sheriff's Office, deputies were dispatched to Van Alphen's neighborhood Friday after several neighbors called to report that a man was exposing himself. Deputies arrived to find Van Alphen walking around his neighborhood wearing nothing more than a poncho. His buttocks and genitals were fully exposed to neighbors, according to the arrest affidavit. When deputies confronted Van Alphen, he offered to show them his penis. "It's too small for anyone to see it anyway," Van Alphen retorted. Van Alphen's roommate told deputies that he had been drinking for three days prior to leaving the home to begin the exhibition. Van Alphen then walked back into his house to a waiting jug of vodka before he was arrested. Investigators say Van Alphen caused an uproar in the neighborhood earlier this month when he exposed himself to a 6-year-old boy while pretending to be a Ninja. Van Alphen later told officers that he was trying to perform a cartwheel maneuver when his pants accidentally fell down. Van Alphen was also arrested in February 2011 when police confiscated 14 pot plants, a gallon jug filled with dried pot, and an elaborate growing system from his home in Naples. In that case he was arrested on multiple felony charges that involved the manufacture and possession of marijuana. He later told local reporters that he planned to continue growing pot and aspired to be a "criminal mastermind without hurting anyone." Van Alphen now faces charges of indecent exposure and resisting arrest. He was released after posting bond. Tech Support Pits From: Robert & Loretta Re: Can't get your newsletter Dear Webby, I am sending along a check for you and also one for Ophelia will you please give it to her. Also please continue your wonderful Webby subscription P.S. I have not been able to receive your subscripton for quite some time help please to restore me! So long for now and stay well! Robert & Loretta Dear Robert and Loretta! Thank you very much for your help! I really appreciate it! I checked the list, and you are definitely subscribed. Your check also cranked up your subscription to Ophelia's newsletter to the full version. I already did that now for her, before even crediting her for the money. Check your spam folder. Most likely Gmail put your newsletters in there, because they contain pictures. Just make a filter that tells it to never put mail from these addresses into spam: humor@webby.com, ophelia@dingbatter.com You can put both addresses into the same filter, separated with a comma. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Handmade Fireplace Logs To make handmade fireplace logs, all you need is a large amount of newspaper, a wooden dowel (or a metal rod, shower curtain rod or closet rod) about 3/4-1+ inch diameter, a few drops of dish soap and some water. Do not use slick, colored paper from sales inserts and circulars etc. Telephone book pages may be used, though they are small and must be torn out of the book. Fill a kitchen sink or a large tub 1/2 full with water (warm will be more comfortable for your hands). Add a few drops of dish soap and stir. Run newspapers, folded in half lengthwise, like you are reading the front page, through the water. Wrap the now-wet newspaper around the dowel and smooth paper down as you wrap. Overlap the next piece a few inches over the end of the previous one and continue to add more newspaper until the log is as big as you like it. Wiggle or twist the dowel/rod as you slip the paper log from the dowel. Stand the 'logs' on end outdoors in a protected area out of the rain. If good weather is predicted they can be left in the sun and they will dry faster. Place them to dry on piles of clean dried leaves, flattened cardboard boxes, or in mesh crates with plenty of space between them so air may circulate around them. Over the next few days, rotate the logs to place the opposite end up, and move them around to ensure all the sides get dry. When thoroughly dried they may be burned just like regular logs. Store them in a dry location. Cotton or jute twine may be tied around each log to hold them together, if the final edge curls up or you wrapped them loosely. By Daleen F. There are "Cranks" available to crank out the paper logs with dry paper. However, they produce less of the CO2, that we need for the grain fields and forests, than the wet method paper logs. Paper logs made with either method have to be burned with lots of air, or they go out. Even when burned with lots of air, they produce an awful lot of ash. The second best way to use the paper logs is to burn them together with construction left-overs. Most construction sites allow you to scavenge cut-offs, some even encourage it. The best way to get rid of the paper logs is to sell them, Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Census Taker: "How many children do you have?" Woman: "Four." Census Taker: "May I have their names, please?" Woman: "Eenie, Meenie, Minie and George." Census Taker: "Okay, that's fine. But may I ask why you named your fourth child George?" Woman: "Because we didn't want any Moe."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Thanks to Sandie for this news report: Apple computers Apple Computer reported today that it has developed computer chips that can store and play music inside women's breasts . The i-boob is considered to be a major breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

» Buchart Gardens

Today, Nov 22, in
1699 A treaty was signed by Denmark, Russia, Saxony and 
 Poland for the partitioning of the Swedish Empire.
1718 English pirate Edward Teach (a.k.a. "Blackbeard") was 
 killed during a battle off the coast of North Carolina. 
 British soldiers cornered him aboard his ship and killed 
 him. He was shot and stabbed more than 25 times.
1906 The International Radio Telegraphic Convention in 
 Berlin adopted the SOS distress signal.
1910 Arthur F. Knight patented a steel shaft to replace wood 
 shafts in golf clubs.
1928 In Paris, "Bolero" by Maurice Ravel was first 
 performed publicly.
1935 The first trans-Pacific airmail flight began in Alameda, CA, 
 when the flying boat known as the China Clipper left for Manila. 
 The craft was carrying over 110,000 pieces of mail.
1942 During World War II, the Battle of Stalingrad began.
1943 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt, British Prime Minister 
 Winston Churchill and Chinese leader Chiang Kai-shek met in 
 Cairo to discuss the measures for defeating Japan.
1963 U.S. President Kennedy was assassinated while riding 
in a motorcade in Dallas, TX. Texas Governor John B. Connally 
 was also seriously wounded. Vice-President Lyndon B. Johnson 
 was inaugurated as the 36th U.S. President.
1972 U.S. President Richard M. Nixon lifted a ban on American 
 travel to Cuba. The ban had been put in place on February 8, 1963.
1974 The U.N. General Assembly gave the Palestine Liberation 
 Organization observer status.
1975 Juan Carlos I was proclaimed King of Spain upon the 
 death of Gen. Francisco Franco.
1975 "Dr. Zhivago" appeared on TV for the first time. NBC paid 
 $4 million for the broadcast rights.
1977 Regular passenger service on the Concorde began 
 between New York and Europe.
1983 The Bundestag approved NATO's plan to deploy 
 new U.S. nuclear missiles in West Germany.
1985 38,648 immigrants became citizens of the United States. 
 It was the largest swearing-in ceremony.
1986 An Iranian surface-to-surface missile hit a residential 
 area in the Iraqi capital of Baghdad, wounding 20 civilians.
1986 Attorney Generel Meese's office discovered a memo in 
 Colonel Oliver North's office that included an amount of 
 money to be sent to the Contras from the profits of 
 weapons sales to Iran.
1986 Mike Tyson became the youngest to wear the world 
 heavyweight-boxing crown. He was only 20 years and 
 4 months old.
1988 The South African government announced it had joined 
 Cuba and Angola in endorsing a plan to remove Cuban 
 troops from Angola.
1989 Rene Moawad, the president of Lebanon, was assassinated 
 less than three weeks after taking office by a bomb that 
 exploded next to his motorcade in West Beirut.
1990 U.S. President George H.W. Bush, his wife, Barbara, 
 shared Thanksgiving dinner with U.S. troops in Saudi Arabia.
1990 British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher announced 
 she would resign.
1993 Mexico's Senate overwhelmingly approved the 
 North American Free Trade Agreement.
1994 Inside the District of Columbia's police headquarters 
 a gunman opened fire. Two FBI agents, a city detective 
 and the gunman were killed in the gun battle.
1994 In northwest Bosnia, Serb fighters set villages on 
 fire in response to retaliatory air strikes by NATO.
1998 CBS's "60 Minutes" aired a tape of Jack Kevorkian 
 giving lethal drugs in an assisted suicide of a terminally 
 ill patient. Kevorkian was later sentenced to 25 years in 
 prison for second-degree murder.
2005 Microsoft's XBOX 360 went on sale.

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Chrome vs FireFox 

Good Morning,  !

Thank you, Texas Y.!

Today is Thursday, November 21.
The "warming", that was forecast for Wednesday, 
has been postponed. I am really cheered, when they
say it will "warm up to -13". I selected a parking spot
in the sun when I went to the post office today.

On Nov. 28, 2013, for the first and only time in any of 
our lifetimes, the first day of Hanukkah falls on the 
same day as Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving + Hanukkah = Thanksgivukkah.
Some excellent recipes there!

Have FUN!

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one. --- Cato the Elder (234 BC - 149 BC) By a curious confusion, many modern critics have passed from the proposition that a masterpiece may be unpopular to the other proposition that unless it is unpopular it cannot be a masterpiece. --- G. K. Chesterton (1874 - 1936)
As a young married couple, a husband and a wife lived in a cheap housing complex near the base where he was working. Their chief complaint was that the walls were paper-thin and that they had no privacy. This was painfully obvious when one morning the husband was upstairs and the wife was downstairs on the telephone. She was interrupted by the doorbell and went to greet her neighbor. "Give this to your husband," he said thrusting a roll of toilet paper into her hands. "He's been yelling for it for 15 minutes!"
The local high school has a policy that the parents must call the school if a student is to be absent for the day. Alice deciding to skip school and go to the mall with her friends. So she waited until her parents had left for work and called the school herself. "Hi, I'm calling to report that Alice is unable to make it to school today because she is ill." Secretary at high school answered, "I'm sorry to hear that. I'll note her absence. Who is this calling please?" "This is my mother."

A motorcycle enthusiast complained that he couldn't decide whether to buy a bike with high top speed and poor acceler- ation, or one with lots of torque and fast acceleration, but a poor top speed. Eventually he decided on the second one, because it cost a lot less. After all, torque is chaep!
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Beverly Lunsford, 27, Paris, Maine Jailed After Snorting Drugs Before Attending Parent-Teacher Conference, Resisting Arrest Reported by The Weekly Vice Beverly Lunsford, a 27-year-old Maine woman, has been jailed after she allegedly showed up intoxicated to a parent-teacher conference and refused to leave without a fight. According to police, officers were dispatched to Dirigo Elementary School Wednesday afternoon after receiving a report that an woman had arrived at the school intoxicated. Investigators say Lunsford and her child arrived at the school to attend parent-teacher conferences. Witnesses at the school became concerned when Lunsford took more than 15 minutes to park her vehicle and appeared to be intoxicated. When officers questioned Lunsford about her driving, she claimed that her vehicle was having a power steering issue. She also claimed that she had taken prescription medication that she had a prescription for. Officers attempted to take Lunsford into custody after she failed a field sobriety test, however, Lunsford would have no part of it. Lunsford allegedly resisted arrest while screaming and swearing at the officer. Her resistance was so intense, according to the arrest report, the officer was forced to drag the woman from the school gymnasium all the way to his cruiser. Once inside the cruiser, Lunsford continued to scream and swear at other parents who were attending conferences. At one point Lunsford complained that she couldn't breathe and that her handcuffs had cut into her wrists. Officers responded by calling paramedics, who examined Lunsford at the scene. She was transported to jail following the exam. Lunsford later admitted that she had snorted busiprone - a drug that is used to treat anxiety. Officers later recovered the straw she used to snort the medication. She was booked into jail and charged with disorderly conduct, refusing to submit to arrest, unlawful possession of drugs and violating conditions of release. She was released after posting $500 bail. Tech Support Pits From: Hank Re: Google Chrome vs Firefox Dear Webby, I trust that you were able to meet this financial deadfall. I sure do enjoy your daily humor letter. I pray that all will go well with you eye injection. I have just installed Google Chrome in order to use gmail more effectively. How do you rate Google Chrome against Mozilla Firefox? I have used Firefox as my browser for several years and it is far superior To IE. I don't know about Chrome. What is your take on this? Thanks hank Dear Hank Chrome is very basic, but there are more and more add-ons getting written for it. Your FireFox most likely slowed down because of all the apps and add-ons and extensions you piled on it over the years. Not all of them un-install cleanly. If you compared a bare bones FireFox to a bare-bones Chrome, they would be about the same speed. Except for the sloppy and unreliable bookmarks in FireFox, with just a few add-ons it is the most comfortable browser around. If you try to get the same conveniences with Chrome, you probably can't. Not yet anyway, but even getting close will slow it down. The biggest factor for speed is a fast Internet connection, not the browser. Keep in mind, though, you CAN run Chrome side by side with FireFox, and use Chrome for Gmail and FireFox for browsing. AND you can even open Safari at the same time to read eBooks. The Mac Safari browser is rather lame, but has superior font handling and is easiest on the eyes for reading books. For reading books speed is not important. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Tissue to Tell if Heat Is Running Do you ever wonder if the heat is running but can't hear it because of the TV or some other noises? Tape a piece of toilet tissue to the register and when the heat is running, the air from the heat system will blow it up and you can see it waving. When the system is off, the tissue will be laying flat on the register. By Litter Gitter Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
>From Dave A good friend of mine warned me that, as my three daughters became old enough to date, I'd disapprove of every young man who took them out. When the time came, I was pleased that my friend's prediction was wrong. Each boy was pleasant and well mannered. Talking to my daughter Joanna one day, I said that I liked all the young men she and her sisters brought home. "You know, Dad," she replied, "we don't show you everybody."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Standing on the sidelines during a football game at my son's high school, I saw one of the players take a hard hit. He tumbled to the ground and didn't move. We grabbed our first- aid gear and rushed out onto the field. The coach picked up the young man's hand and urged, "Son, can you hear me? Squeeze once for yes and twice for no."

» Crystal Palace

Today, Nov 21, in
1620 The Mayflower reached Provincetown, MA. The ship 
 discharged the Pilgrims at Plymouth, MA, on December 
 26, 1620.
1783 The first successful flight was made in a hot air 
 balloon. The pilots, Francois Pilatre de Rosier and 
 Francois Laurent, Marquis d'Arlandes, flew for 25 minutes 
 and 5½ miles over Paris.
1871 M.F. Galethe patented the cigar lighter.
1877 Thomas A. Edison announced the invention of his 
1929 Spanish surrealist Salvador Dali had his first 
 art exhibit.
1942 The Alaska highway across Canada was formally opened.
1953 British Natural History Museum authorities announced 
 that "Piltdown Man" was a hoax.
1962 U.S. President Kennedy terminated the quaratine 
 measures against Cuba.
1963 U.S. President John F. Kennedy and his wife, Jacqueline, 
 arrived in San Antonio, TX. They were beginning an ill-fated, 
 two-day tour of Texas that would end in Dallas.
1973 U.S. President Richard M. Nixon's attorney, J. Fred Buzhardt, 
 announced the presence of an 18½-minute gap in one of the White 
 House tape recordings related to the Watergate case.
1979 The U.S. Embassy in Islamabad, Pakistan, was attacked by 
 a mob that set the building afire and killed two Americans.
1980 87 people died in a fire at the MGM Grand Hotel-Casino 
 in Las Vegas, NV.
1985 Former U.S. Navy intelligence analyst Jonathan Jay 
 Pollard was arrested after being accused of spying for 
 Israel. He was later sentenced to life in prison.
1987 An eight-day siege began at a detention center in 
 Oakdale, LA, as Cuban detainees seized the facility 
 and took hostages.
1989 The proceedings of Britain's House of Commons 
 were televised live for the first time.
1992 U.S. Senator Bob Packwood, issued an apology but refused 
 to discuss allegations that he'd made unwelcome sexual 
 advances toward 10 women in past years.
1994 NATO warplanes bombed an air base in Serb-held Croatia 
 that was being used by Serb planes to raid the Bosnian 
 "safe area" of Bihac.
1995 France detonated its fourth underground nuclear blast 
 at a test site in the South Pacific.
1999 China announced that it had test-launched an unmanned 
 space capsule that was designed for manned spaceflight.
2000 The Florida Supreme Court granted Al Gore's request 
 to keep the presidential recounts going.
2001 Microsoft Corp. proposed giving $1 billion in computers, 
 software, training and cash to more than 12,500 of the 
 poorest schools in the U.S. The offer was intended as part 
 of a deal to settle most of the company's private antitrust 
2002 NATO invited Latvia, Estonia, Lithuania, Bulgaria, 
 Romania, Slovakia and Slovenia to become members.

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Hide key 

Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, November 20.

Have FUN!

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There are only two ways of telling the complete truth-- anonymously and posthumously. --- Thomas Sowell (1930 - ) Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it. --- Jane Wagner
Words Women Use (And What They Mean) FINE This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments. FIVE MINUTES This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade. NOTHING This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine". GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows) This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine". GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows) This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off. LOUD SIGH This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing". SOFT SIGH Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content. THAT'S OKAY This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for what ever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead". At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble. PLEASE DO This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay". THANKS A woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just say you're welcome. THANKS A LOT This is much different from "Thanks". A woman will say, "Thanks A. Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh", as she will only tell you "Nothing".
After Jane's son fell into the pond yet again and came home with his good school clothes dripping wet, the exasperated Jane sent him to his room and washed and dried his clothes. A little later, Jane heard a commotion in the back yard. She called out "Are you out there wetting your pants again!?" There was dead silence for a moment. Then a deep, masculine voice answered meekly, "No, ma'am, I'm just reading the meter."

An old rabbi is talking with one of his friends and says with a warm smile, "I gladdened seven hearts today." "Seven hearts?" asks the friend. "How did you do that?" The rabbi strokes his beard and replies, "I performed three marriages." The friend looks at him quizzically. "Seven?" he asks. "I could understand six, but..." "Well, what do you think," says the rabbi, "that this for free I do?"
Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jennifer Lee Herrington, 51, Orlando, Floriduh Jailed After Killing Boy at Crosswalk With Her Car, Fleeing and Leaving the Boy to Die. Reported by The Weekly Vice Jennifer Lee Herrington, a 51-year-old Florida woman, was jailed Monday after she tried to flee the scene after she ran down a 13-year-old boy with car at a crosswalk, then tried to flee scene. According to police, Herrington was driving at the intersection of North Semoran Blvd. and Old Cheney Highway when she blew a red light nd struck 13-year-old Omar Figueroa on the crosswalk with her car. Witnesses told officers that Herrington ignored a red light and struck Figueroa while he was using the crosswalk at around 7 p.m. Sunday night. Investigators say the impact of the hit threw the boy some distance. He was taken to Arnold Palmer Hospital where he was pronounced dead a short time later. After striking Figueroa, Herrington reportedly tried to flee the scene in her vehicle, leaving Figueroa behind to die. Her vehicle was stopped about a block down the road when she became wedged between two other cars while attempting to squeeze in between them during the failed escape. A witness seized the opportunity to grab Herrington's keys out of her ignition while her car was stopped. Herrington reportedly slapped the witness's hands has he fought to get the keys. Witnesses held Herrington inside her car until Troopers arrived on the scene. She was then taken to Winter Park Hospital where blood was drawn prior to her incarceration. She was booked into the Orange County Jail and charged with leaving the scene of a deadly crash, with further charges pending. She remains held in lieu of $10,000 bond. Tech Support Pits From: Mannie Re: Hide key Dear Webby, You mentioned a key once for hiding what somebody is doing, but I did not write it down. Can you please tell me again? Mannie Dear Mannie The easiest and BEST way to do that is to use ALT plus TAB. Open the spreadsheet or document, that you are supposed to be working on, then open Email or Farmville or wherever you plan to goof off on. When the boss comes by, hit ALT plus TAB, and you instantly jump to whatever you were in, before you opened Farmporn. The escape-to program should be opened full screen, without any Solitaire cards or whatever peeking around the edges. It looks good if you actually start a bit into your work. When the boss is gone, ALT TAB back to where you are not supposed to be. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Brown Sugar Soft Here is my tip for keeping brown sugar moist. Use marshmallows! You can use bread, but bread gets moldy and then you have to replace it. Not so with marshmallows! By Elaine S. from near Cedar Rapids, IA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
This quiz has been around since we were kids. Do you remember the answers? 1. If a plane crashed on the border of the USA and Canada, where should the survivors be buried? 2. How many species of each animal did Moses take aboard the ark? 3. How many months have 28 days? 4. How far can a bear walk into the woods? 5. What is the value of coin dated 24 B.C.? 6. How many grooves does a 45rpm phonograph record have? 7. A camper leaves her camp, hikes 1 mile south, then 1 mile east where she sees a bear. Then she hikes 1 mile north to arrive at her camp. What color is the bear? 8. If a rooster lays an egg on the peak of a roof , will the egg roll to the left side or to the right side? 9. If a south bound electric train is traveling at a rate of 66 miles per hour and the wind is blowing to the north at 35 miles per hour, which way will the smoke blow? 10. On which side of a chicken are the most feathers? ANSWERS: 1. You don't bury survivors. 2. Moses didn't have an Ark, Noah did. 3. All twelve of them. 4. Half way, then he is walking out of the woods. 5. Nothing, a coin could not be dated BC. 6. One (spiraling) on each side. 7. The camp must be at the north pole, therefore the bear is white. 8. Roosters don't lay eggs, chickens do. 9. Electric trains don't blow smoke. 10. The outside.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A patient was waiting nervously in the examination room of a famous specialist. "So who did you see before coming to me?" asked the important doctor. "My local General Practitioner, Dr. Cohen." "Your GP?" scoffed the doctor. "What a waste of time. Tell me, what sort of stupid and useless advice did Cohen give you?" "He told me to go and see you, pretty dumb advice, isn't it?"

» Pebbles

Today, Nov 20, in
1789 New Jersey became the first state to ratify the 
 Bill of Rights.
1818 Simon Bolivar formally declared Venezuela independent 
 of Spain.
1873 Budapest was formed when the rival cities of Buda and 
 Pest were united to form the capital of Hungary.
1901 The second Hay-Pauncefoot Treaty provided for construction 
 of the Panama Canal by the U.S.
1910 Francisco I. Madero led a Mexican revolution
1943 During World War II, U.S. Marines began their landing on 
 Tarawa and Makin atolls in the Gilbert Islands.
1945 24 Nazi leaders went before an international war crimes 
 tribunal in Nuremberg, Germany.
1947 Britain's Princess Elizabeth married Philip Mountbatten, 
 Duke of Edinburgh in Westminster Abbey.
1959 Britain, Norway, Portugal, Switzerland, Austria, Denmark 
 and Sweden met to create the European Free Trade Association.
1962 The Cuban Missile Crisis ended. The Soviet Union removed 
 its missiles and bombers from Cuba and the U.S. ended its 
 blockade of the island.
1967 The Census Clock at the Department of Commerce in 
 Washington, DC, went past 200 million.
1969 The Nixon administration announced a halt to residential 
 use of the pesticide DDT as part of a total phase out of the 
1983 An estimated 100 million people watched the controversial 
 ABC-TV movie "The Day After." The movie depicted the outbreak 
 of nuclear war.
1988 Egypt and China announced that they would recognize the 
 Palestinian state proclaimed by the Palestine National Council.
1989 Over 200,000 people rallied peacefully in Prague, 
 Czechoslovakia, demanding democratic reforms.
1990 Saddam Hussein ordered another 250,000 Iraqi troops into 
 the country of Kuwait.
1990 The space shuttle Atlantis landed at Cape Canaveral, FL, 
 after completing a secret military mission.
1992 A fire seriously damaged the northwest side of Windsor 
 Castle in England.
1993 The U.S. Senate passed the Brady Bill and legislation 
 implementing NAFTA.
1994 The Angolan government and rebels signed a treaty in 
 Zambia to end 19 years of war.
1995 Princess Diana admitted being unfaithful to Prince 
 Charles in an interview that was broadcast on BBC Television.
1998 Afghanistan's Taliban militia offered Osama bin Laden 
 safe haven. Osama bin Laden had been accused of orchestrating 
 two U.S. embassy bombings in Africa and later terrorist 
 attacks on New York City and the Pentagon.
1998 Forty-six states agreed to a $206 billion settlement of 
 health claims against the tobacco industry. The industry 
 also agreed to give up billboard advertising of cigarettes.
2013  smiled

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From 32 bit to 64 bit 

Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, November 19.

Have FUN!

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Once science developed theories to fit the facts, nowadays science fakes theories to suit the grant givers. --- DearWebby Political Correctness: A doctrine fostered bya delusional, illogical liberal minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end. --- Kati
>From Roland The executive officer of the unit where I worked in the National Guard Armory went to a government office to take care of some business. The clerk there gave him two index cards with identical questions on them. The officer filled both out, but when he handed them in, he asked the clerk why she needed two cards with the same information. Stapling the cards together, she said, "That's in case we lose one."
Out for a run one fine morning in Central Park, Bob the Jogger spotted a brand new tennis ball. Seeing no one around, he stooped over, picked it up and slipped it into the pocket of his shorts. After finishing his run around the reservoir, he headed back to his apartment, pausing only momentarily at Central Park West to wait for the light to change. A young lady standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his shorts. "What's that?" she asked. "Tennis ball," came the breathless reply. "Oh, my goodness," she said sympathetically, "I can only imagine how painful that must be..... I once had tennis elbow."

When you're hospitalized, it pays to be nice to your nurse, even when you're feeling miserable. A bossy union steward learned the hard way after ordering his nurses around as if they were his employees. But the head nurse stood up to him. One morning she entered his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature." After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth. "No, I'm sorry, the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I can't use an oral thermometer." This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his bottom. After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay just like that until I get back!" She left the door to his room open on her way out, and he cursed under his breath as he heard people walking past his door laughing. After almost an hour, the man's doctor came into the room. "What's going on here?" asked the doctor. Angrily, the man answers, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?" "Yes," said the doctor. "But never with a carnation."
Click on the picture for the large version That picture above reminded me of the view from my outhouse when I was living in the bush in the Yukon, until I put in an indoor toilet. My house overlooked the Yukon valley and in winter quite often it was filled with clouds. I had a nice window in the outhouse door, and the view of the roiling clouds was often quite hypnotic. On Sundays quite often friends came visiting from town, just to spend time sitting in my (well insulated) outhouse and meditate. The clouds were a bit lower down, and there were no tourists camping on the slope below the outhouse. The view was the same from the kitchen and the living room, but it just was not the same as when sitting "in the pyramid", the pyramid shaped outhouse.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kristie Flores, 31, Saginaw, MI Jailed After Repeatedly Raping Underage Girl Over Four-Year Period Plus extortion attempt Reported by The Weekly Vice Kristie Flores, a 31-year-old Michigan woman, has been jailed after she allegedly had a 4-year-long sexual relationship with a girl under the age of 13. According to police, Flores sexually assaulted a girl under the age of 13 repeatedly from June 2009 until June of this year. According to the charging documents, at least three of the sexual encounters occurred while the child was under the age of 13 and involved penetration. Flores was booked into jail and charged with three counts of first-degree sexual conduct against someone under the age of 13, extortion and accosting a child for immoral purposes. A preliminary hearing has been set for November 19. Tech Support Pits From: OP Re: 32 bit to 64 bit computer Dear Webby, is there a way to go from a 32 bit to a 64 bit without buying a new computer? thanks, OP Dear OP No, there isn't. Contact your computer's tech support and ask them how to format and re-install Windows from the hidden partition. After that it will be as fast as it was on the day your first bought it. That is the most speed you will ever get from that hardware. Most likely, though, the slowness you notice is not really your computer but your Internet connection. There are many sites, that let you test that, My favorite one is the Internet Frog. Check to see if you are getting the speed, that you are paying for. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Brown Sugar Soft Here is my tip for keeping brown sugar moist. Use marshmallows! You can use bread, but bread gets moldy and then you have to replace it. Not so with marshmallows! By Elaine S. from near Cedar Rapids, IA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
An 80 year old couple was worried because they kept forgetting things all the time. The doctor assured them there was nothing seriously wrong except old age, and suggested they simply carry a pocket notebook and write things down so as not to forget. Several days later, the old man got up to go to the kitchen. His wife said, "Dear, get me a bowl of ice cream while you're up." He says, "OK." She says, "...and put some chocolate syrup on it. You'd better write that down." He says, "I won't forget." She says, "and put a few cherries on it, too. You'd better write all this down." He says, "I won't forget." He comes back in twenty minutes and hands her a plate of scrambled eggs and bacon. She says, "Darn it!, I told you to write it down. I knew you'd forget." He says, "What did I forget?" She says, "I wanted my eggs sunny side up!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

When we were looking to buy property I had this over zealous realtor show us what can only be described as a totally worn- out old farm. I mean the land had just been worked to death. The weeds were hardly even growing. The smiling super salesman said, "Now really, all this land needs is a little water, a nice cool breeze and some good people." I replied, "Yeah, I agree, but couldn't the same be said of Hell?"

» Completely Calorie Free

Today, Nov 18, in
1794 Britain's King George III signed the Jay Treaty. It 
resolved the issues left over from the Revolutionary War.
1850 The first life insurance policy for a woman was issued. 
 Carolyn Ingraham, 36 years old, bought the policy in 
 Madison, NJ.
1863 U.S. President Lincoln delivered his Gettysburg Address 
 as he dedicated a national cemetery at the site of the Civil 
 War battlefield in Pennsylvania.
1893 The first newspaper color supplement was published 
 in the Sunday New York World.
1895 The "paper pencil" was patented by Frederick E. Blaisdell.
1919 The U.S. Senate rejected the Treaty of Versailles with 
 a vote of 55 in favor to 39 against. A two-thirds majority 
 was needed for ratification.
1928 "Time" magazine presented its cover in color for the 
 first time. The subject was Japanese Emperor Hirohito.
1942 During World War II, Russian forces launched their 
 winter offensive against the Germans along the Don front.
1954 Two automatic toll collectors were placed in service 
 on the Garden State Parkway in New Jersey.
1959 Ford Motor Co. announced it was ending the production 
 of the unpopular Edsel.
1969 Apollo 12 astronauts Charles Conrad and Alan Bean made 
 man's second landing on the moon.
1970 Hafiz al-Assad seized power in Syria.
1977 Egyptian President Anwar Sadat became the first Arab 
 leader to set foot in Israel on an official visit.
1981 U.S. Steel agreed to pay $6.3 million for Marathon Oil.
1990 NATO and the Warsaw Pact signed a treaty of nonaggression.
1993 The U.S. Senate approved a sweeping $22.3 billion 
 anti-crime measure. They planned to outlaw it.
1994 The U.N. Security Council authorized NATO to bomb rebel 
 Serb forces striking from neighboring Croatia.
1997 In Carlisle, IA, septuplets were born to Bobbi McCaughey. 
 It was only the second known case where all seven were born 
1998 The impeachment inquiry of U.S. President Clinton began.
1998 Vincent van Gogh's "Portrait of the Artist Without Beard" 
 sold at auction for more than $71 million.
2001 U.S. President George W. Bush signed the most comprehensive 
 air security bill in U.S. history.
2002 The oil tanker Prestige broke into two pieces and sank off 
 northwest Spain. The tanker lost about 2 million gallons of 
 fuel oil when it ruptured November 13th and was towed about 
 150 miles out to sea.
2002 The U.S. government completed its takeover of security at 
 424 airports nationwide. 
2013  smiled

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Windows browser update notice 

Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, November 18.

It was sunny looking today, but with ice needles and 
drift snow in the air. I shortened my walk quite 

Have FUN!

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You can't have a light without a dark to stick it in. --- Arlo Guthrie (1947 - ) Where we have strong emotions, we're liable to fool ourselves. --- Carl Sagan (1934 - 1996) (And he sure did, especially with the ice-age scare, that he is famous for.) If a fellow isn't thankful for what he's got, he isn't likely to be thankful for what he's going to get. --- Frank A. Clark "Live so that your friends can defend you, but never have to." --- Arnold Glasow
Linda got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get lost in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it." Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty five minutes. Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. She explained that her dad had told her if she ever got lost in the snow, to follow a plow. The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart parking lot, now you can follow me over to K-Mart"
About a year ago a friend, who lives in Virginia, was talking with her four year old son, Brent. He was asking her why all their relatives from Wisconsin talk funny and sound like their noses are plugged up. "They think we have an accent," she replied. "But they have an accent, right?", Brent asked. "They talk funny?" "Everybody talks in different ways" she tried to explain. "To them, we sound like we talk very slow and all our words are d-r-a-w-n out." His eyes got big, and he whispered seriously, "Oh, no. You mean they hear funny too?"

From Georgina: I was nervous the night my husband and I brought our kids to an upscale restaurant for the first time. My husband ordered a bottle of wine with the meal. When the waitress brought it, our children became quiet as she began the ritual uncorking. When she poured a small amount for my husband to taste, our six-year-old piped up, "Mom can drink a LOT more than dad!"
Click on the picture for the large version Puyehue volcano, Chile, helping out with our CO2 shortage.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jade Cullen, 26, Stroudsburg, PA Jailed After Hiding Third Party Urine Inside Her Vagina During Meet With Probation Officer Reported by The Weekly Vice Jade Cullen, a 26-year-old Pennsylvania woman, was jailed Monday after she allegedly hid another person's urine inside her vagina during a drug screen. According to the Montroe County Sheriff's Office, Cullen was reporting for a drug screen at the Monroe County Courthouse Monday when her probation officer noticed that she was fidgeting with something in between her legs. Further examination revealed that Cullen was hiding a condom inside her vagina filled with another person's urine. Cullen later admitted that she attempted to fake the urine test because she had snorted heroin earlier in the month. Cullen was ordered to meet with a probation officer and submit to random drug screens when she was released last May. She was booked into the Monroe County Correctional Facility and charged with possession of an instrument of a crime and failure to furnish drug free urine. She is also accused of violating her parole. Tech Support Pits From: Larry Re: Windows browser update notice Dear Webby, My computer keeps telling me that my Windows 7 browser is going to be outdated and I need to install a new browser. Is this for real? If I do it, will I lose all my “Favorites”. What should I do? Dear Larry All browsers get updated quite regularly and frequently. However, they identify themselves, for example FireFox update to version 25 If the update notice claims to be "Windows 7 browser" like you wrote, then that is from a virus. If you suspect that the update notice is not legit, click in your browser on HELP ABOUT Check For Updates or on MENU HELP ABOUT Check For Updates And do your updating from there, not from the suspicious notice. Usually browser updates are not an urgent matter, and it is often best to skip full number updates and wait for a .1 number fix. With legitimate updates your bookmarks and favorites and cookies are quite safe. They won't be touched. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Oil of Cloves for Smelly Front Loading Washers If your front loading washing machine smells a bit musty or has black mould growing on the door seal, simply use oil of cloves to freshen it up. I make up a 500ml bottle of water in a spray bottle and add 1/4 teaspoon oil of cloves. Then I spray the inside drum of the machine before I add the clothes or, if I'm feeling lazy, I add 3-4 drops oil of cloves on top of my detergent. The oil of cloves will kill any mould spores. If you use the spray every time you do towels or smelly socks, it will also get rid of mould on your door seals. The black mould will disappear. The smell dissipates from your clothes when you hang them in sunlight but, in any case, it's not too strong a smell. Plus you'll know that if your kids leave wet clothes for a couple of days before telling you about them you'll be able to make sure they're truly clean and mould free. Oil of cloves should be available at pharmacies or sometimes health food stores with the essential oils. Source: Spotless by Shannon Lush and Jennifer Fleming A few decades ago a good girlfriend got me used to tossing a few whole cloves into every drawer, no matter whether it was a sock drawer or kitchen utensil drawer or a drawer in my workshop. Never had black mold in any drawer! Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A three-year-old in the congregation regularly watched football games with his father. So much so, that he knew some of the signals the referee makes. On a recent Sunday, as the pastor raised his hands high to offer a blessing, the child interrupted the service by shouting at the top of his lungs: "Touchdown!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

>From Dana The turkey shot out of the oven and rocketed into the air, it knocked every plate off the table and partly demolished a chair. It ricocheted into a corner and burst with a deafening boom, then splattered all over the kitchen, completely obscuring the room. It stuck to the walls and the windows, it totally coated the floor, there was turkey attached to the ceiling, where there'd never been turkey before. It blanketed every appliance, it smeared every saucer and bowl, there wasn't a way I could stop it, that turkey was out of control. I scraped and I scrubbed with displeasure, and thought with chagrin as I mopped, that I'd never again stuff a turkey with popcorn that hadn't been popped.

» Flakey Stuff

Today, Nov 17, in
1477 - William Caxton produced "Dictes or Sayengis of the 
 Philosophres," which was the first book to be printed in 
1820 - Captain Nathaniel Palmer became the first American 
 to sight the continent of Antarctica.
1865 - Samuel L. Clemens published "The Celebrated Jumping 
 Frog of Calaveras County" under the pen name "Mark Twain" 
 in the New York "Saturday Press."
1883 - The U.S. and Canada adopted a system of standard time zones.
1903 - The U.S. and Panama signed a treaty that granted the U.S. 
 rights to build the Panama Canal.
1916 - Douglas Haig, commander of the British Expeditionary 
 Force in World War I, called off the Battle of the Somme 
 in France. The offensive began on July 1, 1916.
1928 - The first successful sound-synchronized animated 
 cartoon premiered in New York. It was Walt Disney's 
 "Steamboat Willie," starring Mickey Mouse.
1936 - Germany and Italy recognized the Spanish government 
 of Francisco Franco.
1966 - U.S. Roman Catholic bishops did away with the rule 
 against eating meat on Fridays.
1969 - Apollo 12 astronauts Charles "Pete" Conrad Jr. and 
 Alan L. Bean landed on the lunar surface during the second 
 manned mission to the moon.
1976 - The parliament of Spain approved a bill that established 
 a democracy after 37 years of dictatorship.
1978 - In Jonestown, Guyana, Reverend Jim Jones persuaded his 
 followers to commit suicide by drinking a death potion. Some 
 people were shot to death. 914 cult members were left dead 
 including over 200 children.
1983 - Argentina announced its ability to produce enriched 
 uranium for use in nuclear weapons.
1987 - The U.S. Congress issued the Iran-Contra Affair report. 
 The report said that President Ronald Reagan bore "ultimate 
 responsibility" for wrongdoing by his aides.
1987 - 31 people died in a fire at King's Cross, London's 
 busiest subway station.
1987 - CBS Inc. announced it had agreed to sell its record 
 division to Sony Corp. for about $2 billion.
1988 - U.S. President Reagan signed major legislation providing
 the death penalty for drug traffickers who kill.
1993 - The U.S. House of Representatives joined the U.S. Senate 
 in approving legislation aimed at protecting abortion facilities, 
 staff and patients.
1993 - Representatives from 21 South African political parties 
 approved a new constitution.
1994 - Outside a mosque in the Gaza Strip, 15 people were killed 
 and more than 150 wounded when Palestinian police opened fire 
 on rioting worshipers.
1997 - The FBI officially pulled out of the probe into the 
 TWA Flight 800 disaster. They said the explosion that 
 destroyed the Boeing 747 was not caused by a criminal act. 
 230 people were killed.
1999 - 12 people were killed and 28 injured when a huge 
 bonfire under construction collapsed at Texas A&M in 
 College Station, TX.
2001 - Nintendo released the GameCube home video game 
 console in the United States.
2013  smiled

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Best way to transfer pictures from camera to computer 

Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, November 17.

The injectins this Wednesday seemed quite different.
apparently they either forgot the freezing or tried some
different type, that did not work. Yipe!
The doctor just shrugged and stabbed the other eye too. 
The freezing and cleaning and disinfecting is done by some
low pay helper, who seems to be doing 50 - 60 patients per 
hour. Considering that there is a new one every month, I 
guess they get minimum wage and upgrade to McDonalds as 
soon as they can. Well, that's life under Medicare, what you
will be getting under Obamacare. I can't really complain, 
though. They are paying for the $2500 per injection, what
the doctor claims it would be without Medicare.

Sometime in December, he told me, I have to go for Cataract
operations. He figures they can do one eye at a time and
I could continue reading and writing with the other eye.

Feels like -26
P.O.P: 80%
Snow: 1-3 cm
Wind N 25 km/h
Wind gusts 60 km/h
Humidity 78%

Those gusts, laden with snow and frost crystals, 
are a nasty reminder, that I should have moved to 
Floriduh, when I had the chance, because Gullible Warming
is FINISHED and Climate Change changed the weather back 
to Global Cooling.

Have FUN!

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Far and away the best prize that life offers is the chance to work hard at work worth doing. --- Theodore Roosevelt (1858 - 1919) Times have not become more violent. They have just become more televised. --- Marilyn Manson (1969 - )
Three old men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first old man, "What is three times three?" "274," was his reply. The doctor says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?" "Tuesday," replies the second man. The doctor says to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three?" "Nine," says the third man. "That's great!" says the doctor. "How did you get that?" "Simple," says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday."
A first grade teacher was a die-hard Colorado Avalanche fan. She told the class to raise their hands if they were true Avalanche fans like her. The children, not knowing what an Avalanche fan was, raised their hands. They too wanted to be just like the teacher, all except one little girl. She did not raise her hand. The teacher approached her and asked, "Why aren't you an Avalanche fan? They are the best team and I love them." The little girl responded, "I'm a Detroit Red Wings fan." The teacher asked, "Why are you a Wings fan?" The little girl said, "Well, my parents are Wings fans." The teacher, getting upset at this point, stated, "Just because your parents are Wings fans doesn't make you one. What if your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot, what would that make you?" The little girl thought for a moment and said, "Well, I suppose, that would make me an Avalanche fan."

Thanks to Dr. Connie for this report: What doctors say, and what they're really thinking: "This should be taken care of right away." I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month, but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself. "Welllllll, what have we here...?" He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue. "Let me check your medical history." He wants to see if you've paid your last bill before spending any more time with you. "Why don't we make another appointment later in the week." I'm playing golf this afternoon, and this a waste of time. --or-- I need the bucks, so I'm charging you for another office visit. "We have some good news and some bad news." The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it. "Let's see how it develops." Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that I can prescribe something for. "Let me schedule you for some tests." I have a forty percent interest in the lab. "I'd like to prescribe a new drug." I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig. "If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call." I don't know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself. "That's quite a nasty looking wound." I think I'm going to throw up. "This may smart a little." Last week two patients bit their tongues. "Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we...?" I'm stalling for time. Who are you and why are you here? "This should fix you up." The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff. "Everything seems to be normal." Rats! I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all. "I'd like to run some more tests." I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one." "There is a lot of that going around." That's the third one this week! I'd better Google about this." "If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment." I've never heard of anything so disgusting. Thankfully I'm off next week.
Thanks to Nan F for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Todd McCullough, 28, Saltsburg, PA Jailed After raping 16 year old girl in school Reported by Fox News A Pennsylvania high school industrial arts teacher allegedly raped a 16-year-old student in a back room at the school and authorities have not ruled out the possibility of additional victims and charges in the case. Todd McCullough, a 28-year-old teacher at Saltsburg High School, was arraigned Thursday on rape and related charges in connection to the April 2012 incident that state police say occurred in a back room near the shop where McCullough taught. But police only learned of the alleged assault last week after another student told school officials she was hearing rumors that she was “next on the list” of McCullough’s potential targets, Trooper John Matchik said. “More or less, the situation surfaced when another female student came forward and said she was hearing rumors that she was next on the list or that she’d be one of his targets,” Matchik said. “She wanted everybody to be aware of that.” A subsequent investigation revealed that McCullough had been physically touching the girl’s hips and shoulders for years and frequently commented on her appearance, Matchik said. Then, in April 2012, as the girl was readying for a school dance, including trips to a tanning salon, McCullough asked the girl if he could see her breasts. The girl repeatedly rebuffed the advance before McCullough eventually exposed himself to the girl in a back room near the shop where he taught, Matchik said. The girl was able to escape that encounter when the school bell rang, Matchik said, but a week later, McCullough allegedly pulled the girl out of another class to apologize. A few days later, McCullough allegedly asked the girl to stay after class before raping her in the back room, Matchik said. Investigators are now probing whether McCullough, a five-year veteran of the school, committed other crimes while teaching, Matchik said. “There’s a good chance additional charges could be pending,” he said. “This could be the tip of the iceberg.” McCullough, who remains jailed at Indiana County Jail, doesn’t have an attorney and declined comment after his arraignment Thursday. He is due to appear in court for a preliminary hearing on Nov. 13. The Blairsville-Saltsburg School District, meanwhile, said it has been cooperating with police since the allegations surfaced. ----------- It is amazing, that the girl, who was raped, did not report the rape, even though it seemed to have been common knowledge around the school. Tech Support Pits From: Claudie Re: Transferring pix from camera Dear Webby, What is better, to take the chip out of a camera and use a chip reader to transfer the pictures to the computer, or plug the camera directly into the computer? Claudie Dear Claudie As long as you take the batteries out of the camera, you can usually safely, though slowly, transfer the pictures directly from the camera. If you don't take the batteries out first, they will get drained quickly. The batteries are usually 4 x 1.5 = 6 Volt, and the computer USB port is 5 Volt. That means, the batteries will try to charge the computer! Yes, sure, there is supposed to be a diode in there, preventing that, but in China, where they often use English electronic theory, they often get them backwards. With the chip removed, that problem does not exist. If you use a cheap chip reader, the transfer speed is much higher and the camera batteries are not affected at all. Personally, I always use a chip reader. Some old pre-XP chip readers won't work on Windows 7 and 8, but they are cheap enough to upgrade every ten years. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com First Aid Kit out of Eyeglass Case I have lots of old eyeglass holders, which open and close. They are no longer used because I made my own and put it close to the bed. I used the old eyeglass holder to hold bandages and a tube of triple antibiotic. It takes up very little space and is always handy. By Robyn Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries and troubles. Boy: It's very kind of you, darling. But I don't have any worries or troubles. Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A friend of mine was in the hospital awaiting the arrival of her first child. When I telephoned the hospital to see if the baby had arrived, the nurse said it had. I asked if it was a boy or girl and was told that it was against hospital policy to give this information over the phone. "Fine," I said. "I can understand that. But can you tell me what she didn't have?" "It wasn't a boy," came the reply.

» Make you Think Twice

Today, Nov 17, in

1558 Elizabeth I ascended the English throne upon the death 
 of Queen Mary Tudor.
1603 Sir Walter Raleigh went on trial for treason.
1796 Catherine the Great of Russia died at the age of 67.
1798 Irish nationalist leader Wolfe Tone committed suicide 
 while in jail awaiting execution.
1800 The U.S. Congress held its first session in Washington, 
 DC, in the partially completed Capitol building.
1869 The Suez Canal opened in Egypt, linking the Mediterranean 
 and the Red seas.
1903 Russia's Social Democrats officially split into two groups 
 Bolsheviks and Mensheviks.
1904 The first modern underwater submarine journey was taken, 
 from Southampton, England, to the Isle of Wight.
1913 The steamship Louise became the first ship to travel 
 through the Panama Canal.
1913 In Germany, Kaiser Wilhelm banned the armed forces 
 from dancing the tango.
1922 Siberia voted for union with the U.S.S.R.
1968 NBC cut away from the final minutes of a New York Jets-
 Oakland Raiders game to begin a TV special, "Heidi," on schedule. 
 The Raiders came from behind to beat the Jets 43-32.
1970 The Soviet Union landed an unmanned, remote-controlled 
 vehicle on the moon, the Lunokhod 1. The vehicle was 
 released by Luna 17.
1973 U.S. President Nixon told an Associated Press managing 
 editors meeting in Orlando, FL, "people have got to know 
 whether or not their president is a crook. Well, I'm not 
 a crook."
1979 Iran's Ayatollah Khomeini ordered the release of 13 
 female and black American hostages being held at the U.S. 
 Embassy in Tehran.
1988 Benazir Bhutto became the first woman leader of an 
 Islamic country. She was elected in the first democratic 
 elections in Pakistan in 11 years.
1990 A mass grave was discovered by the bridge over the 
 River Kwai in Thailand. The bodies were believed to be 
 those of World War II prisoners of war.
1997 62 people were killed by 6 Islamic militants outside 
 the Temple of Hatshepsut in Luxor, Egypt. The attackers 
 were killed by police.
2010 Reasearchers trapped 38 antihydrogen atoms. It was 
 the first time humans had trapped antimatter. 
2013  smiled

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Corel Office vs Opne Office 

Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, November 13.

Wednesday I have to go for eye injections.
There won't be any sending of newsletters for the
Thursday, Friday and Saturday issues.

Blizzard today. The snow seems to be here for good.
Reminds me of the Yukon. When it snowed there in October, 
during the cold cycle it stayed until mid April, during
the warm cycle it partially melted a couple of times in
November and March. 

Now we are in the cold cycle, and it would be snowblowing 
season in the Yukon. Somehow I don't really miss that.

I had homesteaded a place a mile above the Alaska Highway,
and built my own road to up there. I cut it into a sidehill.
The grouse loved that! They used their wings to blow the
snow off parts of the bank, and then picked the dirt from
below grapefruit to head size rocks, until they tumbled down
onto the road, so that they could get at the dry gravel behind
the rocks. 

I realize, they needed the dry gravel to grind the frozen
grains from grasses, but my 8' snow blower did not like big 
rocks hiding in the snow. Whenever it encountered one,
CRACKKKKK!!!!, and something was broken.

Sure, I designed my snow blowers, so that rocks like that 
broke reasonably easy to get at shear pins, but at -40 and
wind, even "easy to get at" shear pins are a real nuisance.
Especially at night.

Sunday snowblowing was not as bad, especially if the sun 
was out. Imagine a bearded hippy all bundled up on a Kubota
4x4 tractor with a big snowblower mounted in front instead 
of a bucket, and a huge 50 foot rooster tail of snow from
the blower sparkling in the sun.

However, the excitement of living in the bush wore rather 
thin after thirty years. Sometimes I miss it, but usually
I am quite content to live a few thousand miles further 

Have FUN!

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Old age is the most unexpected of things that can happen to a man. --- Leon Trotsky (1879 - 1940) What's right is what's left if you do everything wrong. ---Robin Williams People with courage and character always seem sinister to the rest. --- Hermann Hesse (1877 - 1962)
>From Diane A good piece of chocolate has about 200 calories. As I enjoy two servings per night, and a few more on weekends, I consume about 3,500 calories of chocolate in a week, which equals one pound of weight per week. Therefore, in the last 3-1/2 years, I have had chocolate caloric intake of about 180 pounds, and I only weigh 165 pounds. So... without chocolate, I would have wasted away to nothing about 3 months ago! I owe my life to chocolate!!
Don't go for looks; they can deceive. Don't go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile, Because it takes only a smile to Make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that makes your heart smile.
Imagic Photo - image and photo enhancement software Photo enhancement software that transforms ordinary photos into beautiful images, that look like they were shot by a famous professional with very expensive equipment. Free Trial.

>From Donnie Blood donor...A True Scot! An Arab Sheik was admitted to Hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his blood-type in case the need arose. As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally, so, the call went out. Finally a Scotsman was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab. After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman as appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW, diamonds & thousands of US dollars. A couple of days later, once again, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery. His doctor telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his blood again. After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of Quality Street chocolates. The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated. He phoned the Arab and asked him: "I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me a BMW, diamonds & money, but you only gave me a thank-you card and a box of cheap Quality Street." To this the Arab replied: "Aye laddie, but I now have Scottish blood in me veins".
Thanks to ChuckE for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Hi Webby, Look at this sunrise this morning from my porch in Costa Mesa, CA. Chuck
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Lawrence Gillim, 59, Indianapolis, Indiana Jailed After Beating Woman While Driving Drunk, Crashing Car, Leaving Injured Woman Behind Reported by The Weekly Vice Lawrence Gillim, a 59-year-old Indiana man, has been jailed after he beat a woman while driving drunk, crashed the car and then fled while leaving the injured woman behind. According to the Johnson County Sheriff's Office, Gillim was driving drunk as he beat a woman sitting in the passenger seat of his car. Although the woman begged to be let out of the car, Gillim continued to beat her while driving at a high rate of speed. Investigators say Gillim then crashed his vehicle into two cars that were parked near the Atterbury Fish and Wildlife Area. Witnesses at the scene watched as the female passenger emerged from the vehicle and then collapsed. When Gillim exited the vehicle and saw bystanders calling 911, he fled the scene into a nearby wooded area leaving the injured woman behind. The woman was rushed to Johnson Memorial Hospital where she was treated for injuries mostly received during the beating she endured from Gillim. Deputies located Gilliam after following him into the woods with a dog, who promptly took a chunk out of him. He was then transported to a local hospital where he was treated for a bite wound received from the dog during the chase. He was then booked into the Johnson County Jail and charged with driving while intoxicated, operating a vehicle while intoxicated causing endangerment, operating while intoxicated causing injury, domestic battery, leaving the scene of an accident causing injury, resisting law enforcement, criminal confinement, criminal recklessness with a vehicle and annoying a police dog. Tech Support Pits From: Oscar Re: Corel versus Open Office Dear Webby, You seemed to be a fan of Open Office and Office Libre, and even PC-World recommends it. Why the switch to Corel Office? Oscar Dear Oscar I have had Word Perfect and Quattro since the 80's, when mail was counted by how many were printed per shift, not by how cutesy the quotes were or how pretty a letter looked. Today talking speed stenos and 100+ words per minute typists are as rare as unicorns or virgins, but some of us still like programs, that can handle that kind of speed and performance. Calc in Open Office is a fairly good spreadsheet, and will handle just about any home project and many small office projects. However Martha was not asking for a free spreadsheet, she asked for which version of Corel would be able to handle her project. Most likely she is working on something big, that needs the power of Quattro. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Folding Sheets for Easier Bed Making Try this way of folding a queen size top sheet so that it can be laid by the top of the bed and unfolded to end up exactly where it should be on the bed. When folding the sheet, fold it up (bottom folded up to the top), to the right, up, to the right, up, to the right, etc. until you get it folded into a square about a foot across with the last fold to the right. When you put the folded sheet on the bed, unfold the first fold to the left and place the sheet at the top right side of the bed. Let it hang down about 15 inches over the side of the bed and keep unfolding it down, to the left, down, to the left, and down, etc., until it is completely unfolded. (They probably do this in hospitals, with twin-size hospital beds.) However, with a queen size bed it can be somewhat more difficult to do alone. With two people putting a sheet on a queen bed there would be no running to the other side of the bed to straighten it as it folds out to the full width of the bed. But if you are doing it yourself, you probably will need to at least once even with this method. I don't bother to fold the bottom (fitted) sheet, but just roll it up as it is easy to put on and the wrinkles stretch out once it is on the bed. By Judy S. from ND Amazing! And all these years I have just taken the sheets off the line and folded them lentgthwise twise, then on that narrow pack fold the thirds in from both sides. For making the bed, I drop it onto the bed, unfold the "ears", grab the edge of the sheet as far apart as my arms will reach, lift and whip the sheet. It will unfold, trap air underneath and smoothly settle onto the bed. Done. My challenge has always been the fitted sheet until I got a Mark-All and marked NE, SE, SW, and NW onto the corners on the downward parts. Now even an untamed bachelor like me can dress a bed in a hurry. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
An angel appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty. Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom. "Done!" says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning. Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. One of his colleagues whispers, "Say something." The dean sighs and says, "I should have taken the money."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A man left for a vacation in Florida. His wife, on a business trip and was planning to meet him the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor dead. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen: "Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Your Loving Husband. P.S. Sure is hot down here."

» Surf's Up

Today, Nov 13, in
1775 During the American Revolution, U.S. forces captured 
1789 Benjamin Franklin wrote a letter to a friend in which 
 he said, "In this world nothing can be said to be certain, 
 except death and taxes."
1805 Johann George Lehner, a Viennese butcher, invented a 
 recipe and called it the "frankfurter." Also known as the 
1927 The Holland Tunnel opened to the public, providing access 
 between New York City and New Jersey beneath the Hudson River.
1933 In Austin, MN, the first sit-down labor strike in America 
 took place.
1942 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed a measure 
 lowering the minimum draft age from 21 to 18.
1956 The U.S. Supreme Court struck down laws calling for racial 
 segregation on public buses.
1971 The U.S. spacecraft Mariner 9 became the first spacecraft 
 to orbit another planet, Mars.
1977 The comic strip "Li'l Abner" by Al Capp appeared in 
 newspapers for the last time.
1982 The Vietnam Veterans Memorial was dedicated in Washington
1986 U.S. President Ronald Reagan publicly acknowledged that 
 the U.S. had sent "defensive weapons and spare parts" to Iran. 
 He denied that the shipments were sent to free hostages, but 
 that they had been sent to improve relations.
1994 Sweden voted to join the European Union.
1997 Iraq expelled six U.N. arms inspectors that were 
 U.S. citizens.
1998 Monica Lewinsky signed a deal with St. Martin's Press 
 for the North American rights to her story about her affair 
 with U.S. President Bill Clinton.
2001 U.S. President George W. Bush signed an executive order 
 that would allow for military tribunals to try any foreigners 
 captured with connections to the terrorist attacks on the 
 United States on September 11, 2001. It was the first time 
 since World War II that a president had taken such action.
2009 NASA announced that water had been discoved on the moon. 
 The discovery came from the planned impact on the moon of the 
 Lunar Crater Observation and Sensing Satellite (LCROSS).
2013  smiled

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