Zoom the font size for best readability! Good Morning, ! It's Wednesday, August 20, 2008
"In a time of drastic change it is the learners who inherit the future. The learned usually find themselves equipped to live in a world that no longer exists." --- Eric Hoffer
An Western Canadian was visiting Montreal and was wandering through a park with a local. Suddenly a strange bird scurried in front of them. Asked by the visitor what the bird was, the Quebecer replied, "That's a bird of paradise." The Western Canadian walked on in silence for a moment, then said, "Long way from home, isn't it?"
Thanks to Joanne for this picture of her canna: :
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to crooked gas buyers in San Antonio Sent in by Deeli Not Neighborly SAN ANTONIO (UPI) -- A "pump malfunction" sold premium gasoline for 38 cents a gallon to crooked customers for several hours at a San Antonio convenience store, the manager says. Jim Duke, manager of the Dill Food Mart, said he checked it out Thursday after watching an unusually large crowd gassing up at one particular pump Wednesday afternoon. "I was inside and they were paying at the pump and nobody came in so nobody told me what was happening," Duke told WOAI-AM. He found to his chagrin that "a decimal point had slipped" and instead of selling premium gas for $3.89 a gallon, the pump was dispensing it for 38 cents a gallon. "We lost a lot of money," Duke said, although he wasn't sure yet how much. Business was way down at that pump Thursday afternoon. Copyright 2008 by United Press International
A man returned from a very fancy hospital and was telling his friend all about his experience. Man: The hospital I was in was very specialized. Friend: How so ? Man: They had a food nurse who gave you food. They had a drug nurse who gave you drugs. They had a coffee nurse who gave you coffee. Then there was the head nurse...
The old man was a witness in a burglary trial.The defense lawyer asks Sam, "Did you see my client commit this burglary?" "Yes," said Sam , "I saw him plainly take the goods." The lawyer asks Sam again, "Sam, this happened at night. Are you sure you saw my client commit this crime?" "Yes" says Sam, "I saw him do it." Then the lawyer asks Sam, "Sam listen, you are 80 years old and your eyesight probably is bad. Just how far can you see at night?" Sam says, "I can see the moon, how far is that?"
Still available! Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: Patricia Re: SP3 Hi Webby, I have just received a Windows update that XPSP3 is ready to download. Is it safe to download it? Patricia Dear Patricia No, SP3 is not safe for all computers. You can download the SP3 BLOCKER from my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools Have FUN! DearWebby
There were three men at a bar. One man got drunk and started a fight with the other two men. The police came and took the drunk guy to jail.The next day the man went before the judge. The judge asked the man, "Where do you work?" The man said, "Here and there." The judge asked the man, "What do you do for a living?" The man said, "This and that." The judge then said, "Take him away." The man said, "Wait, judge, when will I get out?" The judge said to the man, "Sooner or later...".
The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Create Your Ideal Budget List everything and how much you spend each month. Then look for ways to cut spending in each category and then list the ideal amount next to current amount. At the end of the month, calculate your spending and see how close you came to meeting your ideal spending amounts. Visit ThriftyFun for more Budgeting Tips by clicking here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Budget%20and% ... 2_450.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Old man Zack had an incredible mule. They had been together for years and stayed pretty much to themselves. One day, Zack and his mule were walking down the road when a passerby asked if Zack needed a ride to town. Zack accepted the offer and the driver asked, "What about your mule?" Zack said, "Oh, don't worry about him. He'll keep up." Then Zack got into the truck while his mule ran along behind. The driver was a little cruel and decided to speed up a little. The mule was right in back of them as they reached 55 mph. The driver accelerated and the mule and stayed with them. They reached 70 miles per hour and the mule was still right behind them. The driver couldn't believe this. He turned to Zack and said, "I'm worried about your mule. His tongue is hanging out." Zack said, "Which way?" The driver said, "Left." And Zack said, "Well, stay in this lane, he's about to pass."If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blogIf you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:Well, , that's all for today.Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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( 2.7 / 104 )
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. --- Peter De Vries By the time we've made it, we've had it. --- Malcolm Forbes
During class, the chemistry professor was demonstrating the properties of various acids. "Now I'm going to drop this silver coin into this glass of acid. Will it dissolve?" "No sir," one student called out. "No?" queried the professor. "Perhaps you can explain why the silver won't dissolve in this particular acid." "Because if it would, you wouldn't have dropped it in!"
Thanks to Marie for sending this picture: :
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Two American women stopping at the Hotel in Lisbon wanted another chair in their room. The steward who answered their ring could not understand English. One of the women pointed to the only chair in the room, then tried pantomime, seating herself in an imaginary chair. With a knowing smile, the steward bowed and motioned for her to follow him. At the end of the corridor, he stopped, smiled, and bowed again, and pointed triumphantly to the door of the Ladies Room.
A doctor examined a woman and took her husband aside. "I don't want to alarm you," he said, "but I don't like the way your wife looks at all." "Me neither, Doc." said the husband. "But she's a great cook and real good with the kids."
Still available! Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: Debby Re: leave computer on at night? Hi Webby, I leave my computer on 24/7. Should I turn it off at night? How much electricity is it using to keep it on? What is better for the machine. Love your advice and daily newsletter and jokes. This is not the first time I have picked your brain and probably won't be the last! Thanks Webby. Debby Dear Debby Yes, it is much better to turn your computer off at night. It saves electricity both directly and indirectly, since you don't need AC to get rid of the 500 Watts of heat it produces. So you actually save 1 KW per hour. Turning it off also saves wear and tear on the hard drive. Have FUN! DearWebby
On the first day of school, the principal made his rounds, and heard a terrible commotion coming from one of the classrooms. He rushed in and spotted one boy, taller than the others, who seemed to be making the most noise. He seized the lad, dragged him to the hall, and told him to wait there until he was excused. Returning to the classroom, the principal restored order and lectured the class for half an hour about the importance of good behavior. When he was finished, he said, "Now, are there any questions?" One girl stood up timidly and said, "Please, sir, may we have our teacher back?".
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Crochet Ball Holder Install a toilet paper roll holder on the edge of your craft table to hold your crochet balls. It makes it easy to dispense yarn as your work on your project. If you want to use more than one color at the same time, you can install a more than one toilet paper holder. To See More ThriftyFun Craft Tips, Click Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Craft%20Tips_357.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The tiresome jury selection process continued, each side hotly contesting and dismissing potential jurors. Another man was called for his question session. "Property holder?" "Yes, I am, Your Honor." "Married or single?" "Married for twenty years, Your Honor." "Formed or expressed an opinion?" "Not in twenty years, Your Honor."If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blogIf you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:Well, , that's all for today.
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( 3.3 / 85 )
Meetings are indispensable when you don't want to do anything. --- John Kenneth Galbraith
A busload of new recruits arrived at the reception center, and was greeted by an old drill sergeant. He began his speech: "Welcome to Fort Dix, men. From now on, I want you to think of the Army as your family and as your home." Hearing this, one of the recruits broke formation, sat down and lit a cigarette. "Private, what on earth are you doing?" asked the sergeant. "Well," said the private, "I'm just making myself at home. Like you said, this is my home." Thinking fast, the sergeant said, "Son, you listen good, and you're right. This is your home. So, as soon as you finish that cigarette, I want you to report to the mess hall to help your mother with the dishes for the next two weeks."
Thanks to Jai for this picture: :A photo I took of a butterfly on my Zinnia. It is in the Fritillary family, I do not know exactly which one tho. Jai...>^.^<...
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Every morning for years, at about 11:30, the telephone operator in a small Sierra-Nevada town received a call from a man asking the exact time. One day the operator summed up nerve enough to ask him why the regularity. "I'm foreman of the local sawmill," he explained. "Every day I have to blow the whistle at noon so I call you to get the exact time." The operator giggled, "That's really funny," she said. "All this time we've been setting our clock by your whistle.
A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17." The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only 16 chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."
Still available! Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: Harry Re: IE crashing Dear Webby I run my machine as clean as fresh out of the box, but about two or three times a day, IE crashes. What is the cause of that? Harry Dear Harry the cause of that is sloppy programming. There is nothing you can do about it. It happens to me too, and seems to be related to some of the piece-meal bits of the SP3 that Microsoft rams down our hard drives with the regular updates. I don't think they are purposely trying to poison XP, it seems to be just routine klutziness. Just use FireFox. If you visit exactly the same sites in the same time period with FireFox, there won't be a single browser crash. For those sites that require IE, you can use Maxthon, the Chinese IE clone. It seems to be more stable than the original IE. Have FUN! DearWebby
The owner of a business was confused about paying a bill, so he asked his secretary for some mathematical help... "If I were to give you $200, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" he asked her. The secretary replied, "Everything but my earrings!".
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Organizing Baby Clothes Baby or toddler clothes often come in outfits, matching top and bottom, maybe even a hat and socks. To easily keep these items together, fold them and put them in large zip-lock bags before putting them away. You will be able to easily see the outfit and the bags and be used over and over again. For More Organizing Clothing Tips on ThriftyFun, Click Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Organizing_Cl ... 9_679.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
I have a friend who filled his car with gas at a self-service gas station. After he had paid and driven away, he realized that he had left the gas cap on top of his car. He stopped and looked and, sure enough, it was lost. Well, he thought for a second and realized that other people must have done the same thing, and that it was worth going back to look by the side of the road since even if he couldn't find his own gas cap, he might be able to find one that fit. Sure enough, he hadn't been searching long when he found a gas cap. He tried it on, and it went into place with a satisfying click. "Great," he thought, "I lost my gas cap, but I found another one that fits. And this one's even better, because it locks..."If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blogIf you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:Well, , that's all for today.
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( 2.8 / 84 )
Procrastination isn't the problem, it's the solution. So procrastinate now, don't put it off. --- Ellen DeGeneres My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. --- Rodney Dangerfield
A wife, one evening, drew her husband's attention to the young couple next door and said, "Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don't you do that?" "I would love to," replied the husband, "but I don't know her well enough..."
Thanks to Sandie for this picture: :
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A boy was smoking and leaving smoke rings into the air. A girl standing next to him got irritated with the smoke and said to the boy "Can't you see the warning written on the cigarette package, smoking may be bad for your health" ? The boy replied: "I am a software engineer. we don't worry about warnings, we only worry about errors"
A wife is sitting in the living room watching TV, when all of a sudden she hears her husband in the bedroom, swearing up a storm. He is using every bad word in the book. The wife runs into the bedroom to see what is going on. She finds her husband just sitting on the bed. She asks her husband, "honey, what happened? Did you fall down and get hurt or something?" The husband looks up and replies, "no, I'm fine. I'm just practicing." The wife gets a real confused look on her face, and said, "practicing? Practicing for what?" Then the husband says, "The company golf tournament tomorrow!"
Still available! Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: Mary Re: Save to CD OK I give up......I have been trying to figure out how to file to a CD. I have lots of recipes on my hard drive that I need to remove to another file (a CD). I have read the directions from the book that came with my computer....& I just can't figure out how to file to a CD. I have Outlook Express and Word XP on computer. There has got to be a simple easy way to do this. Can you help me? Mary in FL Dear Mary First save those files to an easy to find location, for example a desktop folder. Then put a writable CD into the burner. After a few seconds a File Explorer window will open, showing you the CD. Squish that File explorer window to the side, so that you can see it, and the desktop folder with the recipes. Highlight the recipe folder, hold down CTRL, and drag it to the File Explorer window that shows the CD. Don't take the CD out yet! Right-click in the File Explorer window and select "Write these files to CD". They are just ready to be written, but not completely nailed down yet. At this stage you can still weed out stuff like thumbs.db and similar accidentally copied but not needed files. After you click on "Write these files to CD", it is too late. Then they are already burned onto the CD. Once the burning has been completed, the CD tray usually opens automatically. Have FUN! DearWebby
A man is on his death bed with his wife by his side. In his faint, dying breath he tells her that there are two times he suspects she cheated on him and he would like to know the truth, the whole truth, before he dies. Rather hesitantly, she agrees to tell him everything ... the full truth. "Well first," she begins, "remember when you lost your job and a week later you got it back with a big raise?" He slowly nods understandingly. Then she tells him, "Do you remember when the IRS was going to do the big audit on you and a week later they dropped the audit and gave us a big refund instead?" He again weakly nods in understanding. Then he strains to ask, "Were there any more times that you cheated on me." Even more hesitantly, she says "Yes dear. There was just one more time." "Ohhhh," he sighs in agony. "You must tell me." "Ok ... but only because you insist, dear," she stammers. "Remember the time when you were elected president of the golf club, but you were so sure you were going to lose by 23 votes?" "Oh yes ... I remember," winced the dying old man. SUDDENLY, he shot up in his bed and exclaimed, "DAMN ... and I won by 45 votes!!".
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Ironing Tip: Scorched Clothing If you accidentally scorch a cotton shirt with an iron, you may be able to save it. Quickly put the shirt in ice cold water and let it soak overnight. Then treat the stain and wash as normal. For More Laundry Tips on ThriftyFun, Click Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Cleaning_Laundry_296_318.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A church had a man in the choir who couldn't sing. Several people hinted to him that he could serve in other places, but he continued to come to the choir. The choir director became desperate and went to the priest. "You've got to get that man out of the choir," he said. "If you don't, I'm going to resign. The choir members are going to quit too. Please do something." So the priest went to the man and suggested, "Perhaps you should leave the choir." "Why should I get out of the choir?" he asked. "Well, five or six people have told me you can't sing." That's nothing," the man snorted. "Fifty people have told me that you can't preach!"If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blogIf you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:Well, , that's all for today.
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( 2.7 / 101 )
Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings. --- Evan Esar
Thanks to Sandie for this story: I was talking on the phone with my son, who was stationed in Hawaii with the Air Force. He was explaining how the troops were learning to scuba-dive. "We used the buddy system," he said, "and occasionally dived into shark-infested waters." Listening on the extension, my daughter asked, "What do you do if you see a shark?" My son said, "Swim faster than my buddy."
Thanks to Noella for sending this picture taken by her son David with his cell phone: :
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Thanks to Sandie for this story: I was scheduled to fly from North Carolina to Germany, where my husband was stationed in the military. As I checked in at the airport, the ticket agent asked me some standard security questions. "Has anyone given you any packages you didn't pack yourself?" he asked. I told him that my mother-in-law had given me a parcel to take to her son. He looked at me very carefully and slowly asked, "Your mother-in-law? Does she like you? Maybe we better have some experts look at that package!"
The census taker rang the doorbell and was quite surprised when the door was opened by a nude woman. "Don't be alarmed," she said, "I'm a nudist." Although somewhat embarrassed, the man proceeded to ask the routine questions. When his asked, "How many children do you have?" The lady replied, "Ten." "Lady," he gasped, "you're not a nudist, you just don't have time to get dressed!"
Still available! Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: Denise Re: Fake invitation Dear Webby, Thanks Webby for all your info and funnies. I received an email from a known email address, inviting me to join WAYN.com. Can you tell me about this WAYN.com Denny Dear Denise Never heard of it. Let the owner of that "known email address" tell you all about it. Stuff like that I dump instantly. If somebody is too lazy to tell me about it, but just wants to collect for finding yet another dumb sucker, then they can stuff it where the sun don't shine. Now they are probably sending out "invitations" with your address forged in. Yeah, I am an ornery old goat, but when it comes to weird sites, that attitude comes in handy. Have FUN! DearWebby Thanks Webby for your very prompt reply. I forgot to mention that my friend did not send me the email, however it came from her email address. I emailed her and she told me that she did not send the email and did not know anything about WAYN.com Thanks Denise
Once in a corner near the fireplace, Uncle Ezra had been working industriously with a stub pencil and a piece of paper. Suddenly he looked up and smiled. He exclaimed, "Doggoned it Maw, I done learned to write." Maw got up and looked over his shoulder at the lines scrawled across the paper. "What does it say?" Maw asked. Uncle Ezra said, "I don't know, I ain't learned to read yet.".
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Shopping For Back To School Clothing Before shopping for clothes, take stock of what you have, starting with the oldest child first.Then make a list of the items that are needed and establish a budget. If at all possible, try to do the bulk of your back to school shopping a week after school starts. Visit ThriftyFun for more Back To School Tips by clicking here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Back%20To%20School_2.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Two elderly people are living in a Florida mobile home park. He's a widower and she's a widow. They've known each other for quite a number of years. One evening there's a community supper and these two are at the same table. As the meal goes on, he gives her a few admiring glances and finally gathers up the gumption to ask her: "Will you marry me?" After a few seconds of 'careful consideration,' she smiles: "Yes, Yes, I will!" Their meal ends and with a few more pleasant exchanges they return to their respective residences. Next morning, the old man is troubled. "Did she say 'yes' or did she say 'no'?" He can't remember. Try as he will, he just can't bring it back. With trepidation, he goes to the telephone and calls her. First, he explains to her that he doesn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviews their lovely evening together. As he gains a little more courage, he inquires, "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'?" To his great delight he hears her say "Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and I meant it with all my heart." Then she continues, "And I am so glad that you called, dear, because I couldn't remember who asked me!"If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blogIf you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:Well, , that's all for today.
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( 2.8 / 81 )
Traditions are group efforts to keep the unexpected from happening. --- Barbara Tober
Thanks to Sandie for this story: A bricklayer at my husband's construction job routinely complained about the contents of his lunch box. "I'm sick and tired of getting the same old thing!" he shouted one day. "Tonight, I'll set my wife straight." The next day, the men could hardly wait until lunchtime to hear what happened. "You bet I told her off," the bricklayer boasted. "I said, 'No more of the same old stuff. Be creative!' We had one heck of a fight, but I got my point across." He had indeed. In front of an admiring audience, he opened his lunch box to find that his wife had packed a coconut and a hammer. He is now dating the sandwich girl from the Deli.
Thanks to Verue in Louisiana for sending this picture:
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My sister had been ill, so I called to see how she was doing. My ten-year-old niece answered the phone 'Hello,' she whispered. 'Hi, honey. How's your mother?' I asked. 'She's sleeping,' she answered, again in a whisper. 'Did she go to the doctor?' I asked. 'Yes. She got some medicine,' my niece said softly. 'Well, don't wake her up. Just tell her I called. What are you doing, by the way?' Again in a soft whisper, she answered, 'Practicing my trumpet.'
Thanks to Cookie for this story: On the way back from a Cub Scout meeting, my grandson asked my son the question. 'Dad, I know that babies come from mommies' tummies, but how do they get there in the first place?' he asked innocently. After my son hemmed and hawed awhile, my grandson finally spoke up in disgust. 'You don't have to make something up, Dad. It's OK if you don't know the answer.'
Still available! Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: Roland Re: Running programs on a removable drive Dear Webby, I have given up on CD's, as you say you can only rewrite a few times, found that a Attaché USB 2.0 Drive is just what I need. Another question on this, could one down load QUICKEN on this and keep it off the main drive? Roland Dear Roland Yes, sure. Just select the E: drive as the drive to install it to. When it is plugged in, it acts just like any other hard drive. You can run any program, even the Operating System, on any drive. Because most viruses and trojans look for the Windows registry on the C: drive, I frequently partition the primary hard drive into C: and E:, and put XP onto the E: drive. Some programs need access to the Windows Registry to hide their serial number and pass codes, but the bulk of the program, and especially the data produced by it, can be on any drive. Have FUN! DearWebby
Thanks to Cookie for tis story: My wife left the car unattended for only a minute, but it was long enough for our two-year-old to climb in, throw the car into reverse and crash into a lamppost. He was fine, but the car wasn't, and I had a hard time explaining who was behind the wheel to the insurance company. After a pause, the adjuster asked, 'Do you let him drive often?'.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Back To School Schedules Create a back to school schedule for the family to help eliminate the stress of starting school again. Write down what time everyone should wake up to make sure they can eat, shower, get dressed and get out the door on time with the least amount of stress. Visit ThriftyFun for more Back To School Tips by clicking here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Back%20To%20School_2.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A lunatic is sitting in his cell playing solitaire. Another patient, who has been watching, suddenly cries, "Wait a minute! I just caught you cheating yourself." The first man puts his finger to his lips. "Shhh," he whispers. "Don't tell anybody, but I've been cheating myself at solitaire for years." "You don't say," says his surprised pal. "Don't you ever catch yourself cheating?" The first man shakes his head. "Naw," he says proudly. "I'm much too clever."If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blogIf you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:Well, , that's all for today.
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( 3 / 69 )
Discovery consists of seeing what everybody has seen and thinking what nobody has thought. --- Albert Szent-Gyorgyi Every man serves a useful purpose: A miser, for example, makes a wonderful ancestor. --- Laurence J. Peter
The teacher asked, "Johnny, did your mother help you with your homework last night?" Little Johnny said, "No, she did it all."
Thanks to Joan for forwarding this picture by her friend Shari:Double rainbow over Big Lake, Alaska
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Help wanted ad in the Orlando, Florida SENTINEL: Shed delivery person - must be smarter than a large box.
A woman told a marriage counselor that her husband's complaint that he leads a dog's life is probably well founded. "He comes in the house with muddy feet," she said, "tracks across my clean floors, barks at nothing, growls at his food and makes himself comfortable on my best furniture."
Still available! Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carol Re: Storage media Hi Webby, I guess I'm still in the dark ages. I either save documents to my hard drive or to my A drive on a floppy. I want to get more modern, but am not sure about CD's. I know one can save information on a CD but can you write over it, such as to edit a document? Thanks ....... Carol Dear Carol There ARE re-writabe CD's, but there is a limit to how often you can re-write them. They tend to become useless without warning. A much better solution is to buy a USB hard drive enclosure and stick a hard drive into it. Quite often the drive from a retired machine is good enough for that. You can also get brand new drives now at incredible bargains. I have seen 500 GB drives advertised for around $100. Check priceGrabber for a store near you. You probably have a 20 or 40 GB drive now. Imagine the storage on a 250 GB or 500 GB drive! Have FUN! DearWebby
An aspiring young actor asked a young lady's father if he could have his daughter's hand in marriage. The father said, "I would never let my daughter marry an actor." The actor said, "Sir, I think you may change your mind if you see me perform. Won't you at least come and see the play?" So the father went to see the play, and the next day he called the actor, "You were right. I did change my mind. Go ahead and marry my daughter. You're no actor. Don't give up your day job just yet!".
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Pen Ink From Leaking in Your Purse One easy way to prevent pen ink from leaking in your purse or briefcase is to store your pens in a plastic travel toothbrush holder. Even pens with caps can sometimes break and leak. Visit ThriftyFun For More Helpful Ideas. http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Visit ThriftyFun for more Back To School Tips by clicking here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Back%20To%20School_2.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
I was on a panel for prospective jury duty. The first lawyer questioning us began right off as an intimidating showman. When he came to his question, "Do any of you here today dislike lawyers?" Before the pause became too long, the judge announced, "I do."If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blogIf you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:Well, , that's all for today.
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( 3 / 61 )
Advertising is the modern substitute for argument; its function is to make the worse appear the better. --- George Santayana
Thanks to Cookie for bringing back this Classic: A new priest, born and raised in Texas, is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks the older priest to sit in on his sessions. The new priest hears a couple of confessions' and then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions. The old priest suggests, 'Cross your arms over your chest, and rub your chin with one hand and try saying things like 'yes, I see,' and 'yes, go on,' and 'I understand.' The new priest crosses his arms, rubs his chin with his hand and repeats all the suggested remarks to the old priest. The old priest says, 'Now, don't you think that's a little better than slapping your knee and saying, 'No sh**... what happened next?'
Thanks to Guinn and JoAnn for this picture:Today's picture of a hawk is indeed a Cooper's. We also have a resident Cooper's and , beliefve it or not, we were preparing to send OUR picture to you today also! Guinn and JoAnn
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Thanks to Sandie for this story: I heard the dog barking before he and his owner actually barreled into our vet practice. Spotting a training video we sell, the owner wisely decided to buy one. "How does this work?" she asked, handing me a check. "Do I just have him watch this?"
The world's first fully computerized airliner was ready for its maiden flight without pilots or crew. The plane taxied to the loading area automatically, its doors opened automatically, the steps came out automatically. The passengers boarded the plane and took their seats. The steps retreated automatically, the doors closed, and the airplane taxied toward the runway. "Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen," a computer voice intoned. "Welcome to the debut of the world's first fully computerized airliner. Everything on this aircraft is run electronically. Just sit back and relax. Nothing can go wrong ... Nothing can go wrong...nothing can go wrong...."
Still available! Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: Robert Re: RoboForm Thank you for the info but is this Roboform for anyone such as an armature like me that is new to the Internet also do they charge. Dear Robert Yes, RoboForm is 100% safe. I would not give them a link in the Humor Letter every day, if it was not perfectly safe. I have used it for many years, and would be totally lost without it. And Yes, anybody can use Roboform. The free version is for amateurs and small businesses, and they have a paid version for big business. Both work fine and are easy to use. You can get the free version at http://webby.com/roboform or from my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools. Have FUN! DearWebby
Why do Italian organ grinders always have a monkey with them? Somebody has to do the bookkeeping..
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Peeling Hard-Cooked Eggs Tap the egg on the counter all over to crack the eggshell in several places. Rub the cracked egg between your hands to loosen the eggshell. Then dip the egg in a bowl of ice cold water and begin peeling. Don't forget to add the shells to the compost or some of your houseplants! Visit ThriftyFun For More Food Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Food%20Tips%2 ... o_916.html Visit ThriftyFun for more Back To School Tips by clicking here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Back%20To%20School_2.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Dear Mom and Dad, We are having a great time here at Lake Typhoid. Scoutmaster Webb is making us all write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and were worried. We are okay. Only 1 of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Chad when it happened. Oh yes, please call Chad's mother and tell her he is okay. He can't write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the Search and Rescue jeeps. It was neat. We never would have found him in the dark if it hadn't been for the lightning. Scoutmaster Webb got mad at Chad for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Chad said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn't hear him. Did you know that if you put gas on a fire, the gas can will blow up? The wet wood still didn't burn, but one of our tents did, also, some of our clothes. John is going to look weird until his hair grows back. We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Webb gets the car fixed. It wasn't his fault about the wreck. The brakes worked just fine when we left. Scoutmaster Webb said that when a car is that old, you have to expect something to break down; that's probably why he can't get insurance on it. We think it's a neat car. He doesn't care if we get it dirty, and if its hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the tailgate. It gets pretty hot with 10 people in a car. He let us take turns riding in the trailer until the highway patrolman stopped and talked to us. Scoutmaster Webb is a neat guy. Don't worry, he is a good driver. In fact, he is teaching Terry how to drive. But he only lets him drive on the mountain roads where there isn't any traffic. All we ever see up there are logging trucks. This morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out in the lake. Scoutmaster Webb wouldn't let me because I can't swim and Chad was afraid he would sink because of his cast, so he let us take the canoe across the lake. It was great. You can still see some of the trees under the water from the flood. Scoutmaster Webb isn't crabby like some scoutmasters. He didn't even get mad when we lost the life jackets. He has to spend a lot of time working on the car, so we are trying not to cause him any trouble. He said next time he is going to steal a much newer one. Guess what? We have all passed our first aid merit badges. When Dave dove in the lake and cut his arm, we got to see how a tourniquet works. Also Wade and I threw up. Scoutmaster Webb said it probably was just food poisoning from the leftover chicken. I have to go now. We are going into town to mail our letters and buy bullets and dynamite. Don't worry about anything. We are fine. Love, Cole P.S. How long has it been since I had a tetanus shot?If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blogIf you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:Well, , that's all for today.
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( 3.1 / 78 )
Watch for falling stars tonight!
Thanks to Sandie for this story: The other day, my wife and I got into some petty argument. (I say it was petty. She would say it was Armageddon). As is our nature, neither of us would admit the possibility, that we might be in error. To her credit, she finally said, "Look, I'll tell you what. I'll admit I'm wrong if you admit I was right." "Fine," I said. She took a deep breath, looked me in the eye and said, "I'm wrong." I grinned and replied, "You're right."
Thanks to Joan for this picture:IN OUR 5 acre yard.... this is a YOUNG COOPERS HAWK... (we think) He and another one have been hanging around for about a week or ten days. I caught them playing together one day. Joan
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A salesman, tired of his job, gave it up to become a policeman. Several months later, a friend asked him how he liked his new role. "Well," he replied, "the pay is good and the hours aren't bad, but what I like best is that the customer is always wrong."
A travelling salesman finds himself stranded in the tiniest town in Australia. He knocks on the door of a little hotel. "Sorry, we don't have a spare room," says the manager, "but you're welcome to share with a little red-headed schoolteacher, if that's okay." "Oh, that'll be great," says the salesman, grinning from ear to ear. "And don't worry, I'll be a real gentleman." "Just as well," says the manager. "So will the little red-headed schoolteacher."
Still available! Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ann Re: Powerpoint defaults Dear Webby; I have Open Office, as you suggest, and also power point, however when I open a PP type presentation it opens in Open Office and I would much prefer the PP presentation. How do I configure Open Office so PP is the "prefered" program for those presentations please without having to go to the F5 key.. Thanks as always for your help. Ann Dear Ann By default, a.ppt file opens as an automatically running slide show, pps opens as a working view with the thumbnails on the left and the big pictures on the right. If you want a file to always open as a running slide show, just rename it's extension to ppt. That doesn't change the file, it just tells programs how you want them to open that file. Have FUN! DearWebby
I can't say I've ever gotten a shave from a barber, but I've seen others who have. I was in a shop once, and an obviously new barber nicked a customer several times while giving him a shave. The new man, in an effort to smooth things over asked solicitously, "Do you want your head wrapped in a hot towel?" "No thanks." said the customer. "I'll carry it home under my arm.".
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Going to a New School If your kids are going to new school, take a tour of the campus before school starts so they can get a feel for the layout. It will make their first day of school much less stressful if they know the lay of the land. Check with your school to see if they offer an orientation for new students. Visit ThriftyFun for more Back To School Tips by clicking here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Back%20To%20School_2.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Our high school principal has each teacher report class attendance over the intercom. The instructor must state the number of students present by gender, for example, "I have fourteen boys and thirteen girls in attendance." One day our principal was more than a little miffed at having to remind several teachers of the correct procedure. He was apparently somewhat forgetful, too, when he checked on the girls' physical-education instructor. "I have twenty- seven pupils present, sir," she announced. "Lady," he shouted through the intercom, "I need sex!"If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blogIf you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:Well, , that's all for today.
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( 3.1 / 92 )
Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable. --- Fran Lebowitz Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away. --- Antoine de Saint-Exupery
You're in incredible shape," the doctor said. "How old did you say you are?" "I am seventy-eight," the man said proudly. "Seventy-eight!" the doctor exclaimed. "That's great. You look like a sixty year old. How do you stay so healthy?" The old man explained, "Well, my wife and I made a pact when we got married. Whenever she got mad she would go into the kitchen and cool off and I would go outside to settle down." "What does that have to do with it?" asked the doctor. And the old man said, "I've pretty much lived an outdoor life."
This restaraunt owner in China used an online translation site to translate the name of his shop for the Olympics.
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Some tourists in the Chicago Museum of Natural History were marveling at the dinosaur bones. One of them asked the guard, "Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?" The guard replied, "They are 3 million, four years, and six months old." "That's an awfully exact number," said the tourist. "How do you know their age so precisely?" The guard said, "Well, the dinosaur bones were three million years old when I started working here, and that was four and a half years ago."
I stopped at the local Burger King for a cold drink and was reading the menu over the counter. I noticed a sign to the side that stated "Picture Menu Available". I had to ask the clerk what it was for and she told me that they had a number of customers who couldn't read and they used that. Of course, I asked how they would know this picture menu was available and her answer was the classic, "Well, it says so on the sign, doesn't it?"
Still available! Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: Hank Re: Powerpoint viewer problem Dear Webby; Thanks for your help with the everyday problems of PC use. For some reason, I can no longer view Powerpoint links sent to me by friends. I have downloaded the MS links that are available (Powerpoint viewing, etc). I have MS Word (2003) and MS Works. Now when slide presentations are sent me I get the first picture and then a box asking for me 13 (or however many) Product code #'s. What is my best solution? Thanks in advance for your help. hank Dear Hank Just get Open Office from http://download.openoffice.org/ It has a PPT reader included. I haven't used the Microsoft PPT reader in years. Have FUN! DearWebby
A young mother of a newborn girl announced to her husband, "I've made up my mind. We'll call our daughter Eulalia." The new father did not care for this choice at all, but he was a very tactful young man. He said, "That's fine, honey. The first girl I loved was named Eulalia, and it will evoke pleasant memories." The wife was silent for a moment, then said, "We'll call her Mary after my mother.".
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Ironing Tip: Ironing Ribbons When ironing ribbons that are difficult to lay flat try holding the end of the ribbon down with your thumb and pull the iron towards you. It's much easier than trying to push the iron forward over an unruly and wrinkled ribbon. Visit ThriftyFun For More Clothing And Laundry Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Cleaning_Laundry_296_318.html Visit ThriftyFun For More Summer Fun Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Parenting_Sum ... _4980.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
I saw a news story about a family of ten in Tennessee who were struck by lightning at the burial of one of their family members. Was this God's way of telling the preacher not to lie? "We all know Billy-Bob was a GOOD man . . . " KAZZZZAAAP! "Ok, ok, he was a devoted father . . . " KAZZZAAAAP! "Jesus!" ZAAAP! "Look, we're all just relieved he was wearing clothes when we found him!"If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blogIf you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:Well, , that's all for today.
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