Ink refills at Costco 

Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, March 22
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Spring has sprung!
We still have snow in the shades of buildings, but this evening I
went for my walk in my short shorts.
I don't like the yuppie shorts that hang down to my knees. For me
it's traditional shorts on none of them.

Today, March 22 in
1987 A barge loaded with 32,000 tons of refuse left Islip, NY, to
find a place to unload. After being refused by several states and
three countries space was found back in Islip. 
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award: Alabama woman gets 23 felony charges in Facebook bullying case ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Many a man who falls in love with a dimple make the mistake of marrying the whole girl. --- Evan Esar (1899 - 1995) _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Johnny had just received his brand new drivers license. The family goes out to the driveway and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately heads for the back seat, directly behind the new driver. "I'll bet you're back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive," says boy. "Nope, I'm gonna sit here and kick the back of your seat while you drive, just like you've been doing to me all these years." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Catherine Patterson, 48, Ashland, Alabama Alabama woman gets 23 felony charges in Facebook bullying case An east Alabama woman is facing more than a few days in Facebook jail after authorities say she’s repeatedly used social media to bully multiple victims. Catherine Patterson, 48, was arrested this week on nearly two dozen felony warrants – 23 counts of aggravated stalking to be exact. Her arrest comes after she was previously ordered to stay off social media. Clay County Sheriff Jim Studdard said the investigation began several months ago after sheriff’s officials received multiple complaints of cyber bullying from different victims. They launched a probe which the sheriff described as “complex and lengthy” because of the need to identify a suspect or suspects by means of obtain IP addresses. Additionally, he said, they had to then obtain physical addresses. Sheriff’s investigators, as well as Lineville and Ashland police, carried out a search warrant at Patterson’s Ashland home on Wednesday. They recovered multiple electronic devices. Few details about the alleged bullying have been released but authorities say there is a history of conflict between Patterson and the victims, which include some former family members. Court records show Patterson was charged with harassment in 2017 and with violation of a protection order in 2017 and 2018. All of those charges against her were dismissed. Photographic evidence in one of the previous cases included a Facebook post that read, “My target shooting getting better but I know I won’t missed (sic) a Fat Pigs male or female I’ll shot (sic) to kill not injured (sic).” Aggravated stalking is a Class B felony. Patterson’s bond is set at $23,000. Studdard said social media bullying is unacceptable and will not be tolerated.
From: Robert Re: Ink Refilling Dear DearWebby Tell Bob to take his cartridges to COSTCO. I have a Canon MX870 that takes 5 cartridges and costs me $45.00 for all and can pick them up as soon as next day. Robert Dear Robert Yes, COSTCO is definitely a good deal. I used to get bulk ink from Atlantic Inkjet in Liter jugs (Quart) for $4.95, but eventually smartened up and got a Laser about a dozen years ago. Now I just slap in a new cartridge whenever that color runs out, which is about every second year or so. I don't plan to get back to ink ever again. By the way, I DO have a Canon PIXMA 4 function inkjet printer, that I got from NewEgg for $30. I use it as my scanner, never print with it. It is a good scanner, though! Have FUN! DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Here is a real Classic! A Cajun named Boudreax moved to Texas and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day, the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, but I have some bad news. The donkey died." The Cajun said, "Well, then, just give me my money back." The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already." The Cajun said, "Okay, then. Just unload the donkey." The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?" "I'm going to raffle him off." "You can't raffle off a dead donkey!" "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead." A month later the farmer met up with the Cajun and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?" "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898." "Didn't anyone complain?" "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Two men were walking their dogs around the local country club and discussing their recent game of golf. The first man's dog was a big German Shepherd, and the second man's dog was a Chihuahua. The first man says, "Let's go into the club and get a drink." The second man says, "But we can't take our dogs into the club, and I don't want to leave Froo-Froo outside." "Oh, sure we can take our dogs inside," the first man says. "Just do as I do, and say what I say." So, the first man walks into the club and asks the waiter for a place to sit. The waiter says, "Sorry sir, but you can't have your dog in here." The man looks around aimlessly and says, "Not even seeing-eye dogs?" The waiter immediately apologizes and gives the man a seat. The second man watched this whole scene and decided to go for it. He walks in and asks the same waiter for a seat. The waiter says, "I'm sorry sir, but you can't have your dog in here." The second man says, "Not even seeing-eye dogs?" Then the waiter laughs and says, "You got to be kidding, man, you're telling me that your Chihuahua is a seeing-eye dog?!" The second man thinks for a moment, then says, "What? You mean my seeing-eye dog is a CHIHUAHUA?!?" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Frugal Toys - Frisbies Frisbees are an inexpensive outdoor toy, providing exercise and fun for a group. Tossing a frisbee back and forth teaches sharing. Frisbees can also be used for Frisbee golf where players try to hit various targets around the yard in the fewest number of throws. ____________________________________________________
The Shirk Report
___________________________________________________ Nathan, Morris and Bill are fishing in the Caribbean. Morris says, "I had a terrible fire; lost everything. Now the insurance company is paying for everything and that's why I'm here." Nathan says, "I had a terrible explosion; lost everything. Now the insurance company is paying for everything and that's why I'm here." Bill says, "What a coincidence. I had a terrible flood; lost everything. Now the insurance company is paying for everything and that's why I'm here." Morris and Nathan turned to him with confusion and asked, "Flood? How do you start a flood?" ___________________________________________________ My friend wanted a boat more than anything. His wife kept refusing, but he bought one anyway. "I'll tell you what," he told her. "In the spirit of compromise, why don't you name the boat?" Being a good sport, she accepted. When her husband went to the dock for his maiden voyage, this is the name he saw painted on the side: "For Sale." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
W10 is bad for windows. Every time a W10 machine is thrown out the window, the glass breaks. --- Socratex ___________________________________________________

Today March 22 in

1457 Gutenberg Bible became the first printed and publicly sold

1622 Indians attacked a group of colonist in the James River area
of Virginia. 347 residents were killed. 

1630 The first legislation to prohibit gambling was enacted. It
was in Boston, MA. 

1638 Anne Hutchinsoon, a religious dissident, was expelled from
the Massachusetts Bay Colony. 

1719 Frederick William abolished serfdom on crown property in

1733 Joseph Priestly invented carbonated water (seltzer). 

1765 The Stamp Act was passed. It was the first direct British
tax on the American colonists. It was repealed on March 17, 1766.

1790 Thomas Jefferson became the first U.S. Secretary of State. 

1794 The U.S. Congress banned U.S.from supplying slaves to other

1841 Englishman Orlando Jones patented cornstarch. 

1871 William Holden of North Carolina became the first governor
to be removed by impeachment. 

1872 Illinois became the first state to require sexual equality
in employment. 

1873 Slavery was abolished in Puerto Rico. 

1874 The Young Men's Hebrew Association was organized in New York

1882 The U.S. Congress outlawed polygamy. 

1894 The first playoff competition for the Stanley Cup began.
Montreal played Ottawa. 

1895 Auguste and Louis Lumiere showed their first movie to an
invited audience in Paris. 

1901 Japan proclaimed that it was determined to keep Russia from
encroaching on Korea. 

1902 Great Britain and Persia agreed to link Europe and India by

1903 Niagara Falls ran out of water due to a drought. 

1903 In Columbia, the region near Galera De Zamba was devastated
by a volcanic eruption. 

1904 The first color photograph was published in the London Daily
Illustrated Mirror. 

1905 Child miners in Britain received a maximum 8-hour workday. 

1907 Russians troops completed the evacuation of Manchuria in the
face of advancing Japanese forces. 

1907 In Paris, it was reported that male cab drivers dressed as
women to attract riders. 

1910 In Liberia, a telegraph cable linked Tenerife and Monrovia. 

1915 A German zeppelin made a night raid on Paris railway

1919 The first international airline service was inaugurated on a
weekly schedule between Paris and Brussels. 

1933 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed a bill
legalizing the sale and possession of beer and wine containing up
to 3.2% alcohol. 

1935 In New York, blood tests were authorized as evidence in
court cases. 

1935 Persia was renamed Iran. 

1941 The Grand Coulee Dam in Washington began operations. 

1943 The Dutch workweek was extended to 54 hours. 

1943 Obligatory work for women ends in Belgium. 

1945 The Arab League was formed with the adoption of a charter in
Cairo, Egypt. 

1946 The British granted Transjordan independence. 

1946 The first U.S. built rocket to leave the earth's atmosphere
reached a height of 50-miles. 

1947 The Greek government imposed martial law in Laconia and
southern Greece. 

1948 The United States announced a land reform plan for Korea. 

1948 "The Voice of Firestone" became the first commercial radio
program to be carried simultaneously on both AM and FM radio

1954 The first shopping mall opened in Southfield, Michigan. 

1954 The London gold market reopened for the first time since

1956 Perry Como became the first major TV variety-show host to
book a rock and roll act on his program. The act was Carl

1960 A.L. Schawlow & C.H. Townes obtained a patent for the laser.
It was the first patent for any laser. 

1965 U.S. confirmed that its troops used chemical warfare against
the Vietcong. 

1972 The U.S. Senate passed the Equal Rights Amendment. It was
not ratified by the states. 

1974 The Viet Cong proposed a new truce with the U.S. and South
Vietnam. The truce included general elections. 

1975 Walt Disney World Shopping Village opened. 

1977 Comedienne Lily Tomlin made her debut on Broadway in "Lily
Tomlin on Stage" in New York. 

1977 Indira Ghandi resigned as the prime minister of India. 

1978 Karl Wallenda, of the Flying Wallendas, fell to his death
while walking a cable strung between two hotels in San Juan,
Puerto Rico. 

1980 People for Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) was founded
by Ingrid Newkirk and Alex Pacheco. 

1981 RCA put its Selectra Vision laser disc players on the

1987 A barge loaded with 32,000 tons of refuse left Islip, NY, to
find a place to unload. After being refused by several states
three countries space was found back in Islip. 

1989 Oliver North began two days of testimony at his Iran-Contra
trial in Washington, DC. 

1990 A jury in Anchorage, Alaska, found Captain Hazelwood not
guilty in the Valdez oil spill. 

1991 Pamela Smart, a high school teacher, was found guilty in New
Hampshire of manipulating her student-lover to kill her husband.

1992 A Fokker F-28 veered off a runway at New York's LaGuardia
airport and into Flushing Bay, killing 27 people. 

1993 Intel introduced the Pentium-processor (80586) 64 bits-60
MHz-100+ MIPS. 

1995 Russian cosmonaut Valeri Polyakov returned to Earth after
setting a record for 438 days in space. 

1997 Tara Lipinski, at 14 years and 10 months, became the
youngest women's world figure skating champion. 

2019  smiled.

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Resetting printer after refilling ink 

Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, March 21

Happy Spring!

Today, March 21 in
1857 An earthquake hit Tokyo killing about 107,000.
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award: Georgia woman cuts man with sword after catching him molesting her daughter ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ In journalism, there has always been a tension between getting it first and getting it right. --- Ellen Goodman (1941 - ) We are here on Earth to do good to others. What the others are here for, I don't know. --- W. H. Auden (1907 - 1973) _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A woman went to a computer dating service and said she didn't care about looks, income or background. All she wanted was a man of upright character. Then a man came in and told them the only thing he was seeking in a woman was intelligence. The service matched them together at once because they had one thing in common -- they were both pathological liars. ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by John Lawarren Williams, 25, Macon, Georgia Georgia woman cuts man with sword after catching him molesting her daughter A Georgia woman cut her boyfriend with a sword after she caught him allegedly molesting her 5-year-old daughter, deputies told WMAZ. John Lawarren Williams, 25, is facing charges of aggravated molestation and cruelty to children. He is being held without bond. Deputies said they were told that the girl had also been “burned with a cigarette on her private area,” according to WGXA. The girl and mother went to a pediatric hospital in Macon. Williams reportedly ran away from the house when law enforcement arrived but later turned himself in to deputies. According to WGXA, he was then treated for a cut on his hand and interviewed by investigators.
From: Bob Re: Ink Refilling Dear DearWebby "...after the cartridge reads empty, it is refilled. Then it is re-installed back into the printer and the stop/reset button is held down for 10 sections. The stop reset button is the button on your printer next to image of a triangle inside a circle..." I got this from Atlantic Ink about refilling my cartridges, I don't know what "sections" mean. I hate to bug them anymore, so I thought I would ask you, since you use thier products. I spend about $75.00 a month on new cartridges for our business and I need to refill like I did with my old printer. I have a Conon MP530. Thanks, Bob Dear Bob That's a typo, like your Conon printer. Can happen to all of us. She means 10 seconds. Have FNU! DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A woman was out shopping one day with her son. The boy spotted a man who was bowlegged. The boy pulled on Mom's hand and said, "Momma, look at the bowlegged man!" Mom was mortified and told her son that it was not polite to point to a person and make that sort of comment. For punishment, the boy had to read a play by Shakespeare. He couldn't go shopping again until he finished reading the play. Finally he finished and his mom took him once again to the mall. Again he spied a bowlegged man, but remembered what happened the last time. So he pulled on his mother's hand and said, "Lo, what manner of men are these, Who wear their balls in parentheses?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant. "No, no, no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Saving Money on Video Games Don't buy games as soon as they come out. A year later you can often find games for half their original price. Even if you only wait a few weeks, you can find the hot games in the used market at local stores or on eBay. ____________________________________________________
What amazing timing and discipline.
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Cookie for this story: One evening I was driving my eight-year-old daughter to her grandparents' home for an overnight stay. It was late, there was very little traffic, and we were enjoying a peaceful ride. It was a far cry from the usual chaos surrounding us when I drive her to various activities during rush hour. My daughter seemed deep in thought when she said, "I have a question." "What do you want to know?" I responded. "Mom, when you're driving," she asked, "are YOU ever the stupid idiot?" ___________________________________________________ One young man was riding his bicycle across a university campus. A passerby saw that a message on the front of his T-shirt announced his occupational goal: "I AM GOING TO BE A DOCTOR." As the cyclist rode on, the passerby noticed a sign on the rear of his bicycle: "I AM GOING TO BE A MERCEDES." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
As the bus pulled away, I realized I had left my purse under the seat. Later I called the company and was relieved that the driver had found my bag. When I went to pick it up, several off-duty bus drivers surrounded me. One man handed me my pocketbook, two typewritten pages and a box containing the contents of my purse. "We're required to inventory lost wallets and purses," he explained. "I think you'll find everything there." As I started to put my belongings back into the pocketbook, the man continued, "I hope you don't mind if we watch. Even though we all tried, none of us could fit everything back into your purse. And we'd like to see just HOW you do it." ___________________________________________________

Today March 21 in
1349 3,000 Jews were killed in Black Death riots in Efurt

1556 Thomas Cranmer, the Archbishop of Canterbury, was burned at
the stake at Oxford after retracting the last of seven
recantations that same day. 

1788 Almost the entire city of New Orleans, LA, was destroyed by
fire. 856 buildings were destroyed. 

1804 The French civil code, the Code Napoleon, was adopted. 

1824 A fire at a Cairo ammunitions dump killed 4,000 horses. 

1835 Charles Darwin & Mariano Gonzales met at Portillo Pass. 

1851 Emperor Tu Duc ordered that Christian priests be put to

1851 Yosemite Valley was discovered in California. 

1857 An earthquake hit Tokyo killing about 107,000. 

1902 In New York, three Park Avenue mansions were destroyed when
a subway tunnel roof caved in. 

1907 The U.S. Marines landed in Honduras to protect American
interests in the war with Nicaragua. 

1908 A passenger was carried in a bi-plane for the first time by
Henri Farman of France. 

1909 Russia withdrew its support for Serbia and recognized the
Austrian annexation of Bosnia-Herzegovina. Serbia accepted
Austrian control over Bosnia-Herzegovina on March 31, 1909. 

1918 During World War I, the Germans launched the Somme

1925 The state of Tennessee enacted the Butler Act. It was a law
that made it a crime for a teacher in any state-supported public
school to teach any theory that was in contradiction to the
Bible's account of man's creation. 

1928 U.S. President Calvin Coolidge gave the Congressional Medal
of Honor to Charles Lindbergh for his first trans-Atlantic

1934 A fire destroyed Hakodate, Japan, killing about 1,500. 

1935 Incubator ambulance service began in Chicago, IL. 

1941 The last Italian post in East Libya, North Africa, fell to
the British. 

1945 During World War II, Allied bombers began four days of raids
over Germany, trashing many towns. 

1960 About 70 people were killed in Sharpeville, South Africa,
when police fired upon demonstrators. 

1963 Alcatraz Island, the federal penitentiary in San Francisco
Bay, CA, closed. 

1965 The U.S. launched Ranger 9. It was the last in a series of
unmanned lunar explorations. 

1965 More than 3,000 civil rights demonstrators led by the Rev.
Martin Luther King Jr. began a march from Selma to Montgomery,

1966 In New York, demolition work began to clear thirteen square
blocks for the construction of the original World Trade Center. 

1971 Two U.S. platoons in Vietnam refused their orders to

1972 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that states could not require
one year of residency for voting eligibility. 

1974 In London, an attempt was made to kidnap Princess Anne on
the Mall. 

1980 U.S. President Jimmy Carter announced to the U.S. Olympic
Team that they would not participate in the 1980 Summer Games in
Moscow as a boycott against Soviet intervention in Afghanistan. 

1982 The United States, U.K. and other Western countries
condemned the Soviet intervention in Afghanistan. 

1984 A Soviet submarine crashed into the USS Kitty Hawk off the
coast of Japan. 

1985 Larry Flynt offered to sell his pornography empire for $26
million or "Hustler" magazine alone for $18 million. 

1985 Police in Langa, South Africa, opened fire on blacks
marching to mark the 25th anniversary of the Sharpeville
shootings. At least 21 demonstrators were killed. 

1989 Randall Dale Adams was released from a Texas prison after
his conviction was overturned. The documentary "The Thin Blue
Line" had challenged evidence of Adams' conviction for killing a
police officer. 

1990 Namibia became independent of South Africa. 

1991 The U.N. Security Council lifted the food embargo against

1994 Wayne Gretzky tied Gordie Howe's NHL record of 801 goals. 

1994 Bill Gates of Microsoft and Craig McCaw of McCaw Cellular
Communications announced a $9 billion plan that would send 840
satellites into orbit to relay information around the globe. 

1999 Israel's Supreme Court rejected the final effort to have
American Samuel Sheinbein returned to the U.S. to face murder
charges for killing Alfred Tello, Jr. Under a plea bargain
Sheinbein was sentenced to 24 years in prison. 

2000 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled 5-4 that the U.S. Food and Drug
Administration had overstepped its regulatory authority when it
attempted to restrict the marketing of cigarettes to youngsters. 

2002 In Paris, an 1825 print by French inventor Joseph Nicephore
Niepce was sold for $443,220. The print, of a man leading a
horse, was the earliest recorded image taken by photographic

2016 It was reported that the Kepler space telescope had captured
the visible light of a "shock breakout" when the star KSN 2011a
exploded. It was the first time an exploding star's brilliant
flash shockwave had been captured. 

2019  smiled.

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Dragging to another drive 

Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, March 20

Dear Webby,
I see a bear, two wolves, two mountain goats, and another eagle.
There's also something I can't identify between the eagle and
goat...has a huge eye though.

Thanks for the fun and enlightenment you bring each day!
Also, 2goats, a  wolf, a lion and perhaps a bull or another
 Bear? Real Eagle, Eagle, Bighorn Sheep, Wolf, Goat, Camel,
Buffalo, and Al Jolson? A fish
Today, March 20 in
1854 The Republican Party was organized in Ripon, WI. About 50
slavery opponents began the new political group. 
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award: Real Estate Agent Raped Woman Who Was House Hunting in Florida ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement. --- Socratex "Happiness, n. An agreeable sensation arrising from contem- plating the misery of another." --- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary If people never did silly things, nothing intelligent would ever get done. --- Ludwig Wittgenstein _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Rubye for this story: During a commercial airline flight an Air Force pilot was seated next to a young mother with a baby in her arms. When her baby began crying during the descent for landing, the mother began nursing her infant as discreetly as possible. The pilot pretended not to notice and, upon debarking, he gallantly offered his assistance to help with the various baby- related articles. When the young mother expressed her gratitude, the pilot responded, 'Gosh, that's a good looking baby...and he sure was hungry!' Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that her pediatrician said breast feeding would help alleviate the pressure in the baby's ears. The Air Force pilot sadly shook his head, and in true pilot fashion exclaimed........'And all these years, I've been chewing gum.' ______________________________________________________ Ibex, finally away from the kids _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Wentworth Huang Wang, 38, Orlando, Florida Real Estate Agent Raped Woman Who Was House Hunting in Florida Police have arrested a real estate agent who they say raped a woman who came from China to look at houses in Florida last year. The Orlando Sentinelreports 38-year-old Wentworth Huang Wang was arrested Sunday. He's charged with three counts of sexual battery. A police affidavit says the company the woman used for housing and transportation put her in touch with Wang. She told police that after Wang raped her, he warned her not to tell because he knew people at the Orlando Police Department, adding that they would believe him because he's an American citizen. She left Florida and reported the rape in California. Wang provided a DNA sample in October, which matched evidence found on the woman and her clothing.
From: Carol Re: Dragging Dear DearWebby Please don't think this is a stupid question. I have seen the phrase "drag to" and I know how to click and drag, but what I don't know do you drag to another place? If I wanted to drag to let's say my d drive, that's on another "page". Thanks. Carol Dear Carol Don't run the file explorer full screen. Narrow it down so that it just uses a third of the screen. Then open another one beside it. Now you can drag from one to the other. If you use Windows in Classic Style, you can even split each window and show folders (instead of tasks) on the left side of each File Explorer. Then you can drag stuff even into closed folders showing on the left. Have FUN! DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Mr. Smith was in his hospital bed and had been getting many tests done. After several days of hospitalization, a nurse finally came into his room and stated, "Mr. Smith, I have some bad news and some good news. Which do you want to hear first?" Mr. Smith solemnly replied, "Well, tell me the bad news first." The nurse said, "The bad news is that your HMO refuses to pay for you to have an enema. But, the good news is that I am qualified to slap the s**t outa you."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
While stationed in Washington, D.C., a man used Arlington National Cemetery as a shortcut on his way to give a briefing at Fort Myer. To his surprise, he encountered a roadblock manned by the military police. An MP approached him and asked in a stern voice, "Are you supposed to be here?" Unsure of what to say, he replied, "Not yet." The MP held back a smile and waved him on. ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Saving Money at Restaurants Don't order alcoholic drinks. Try meatless dishes, they are almost always cheaper. Go out to lunch, instead of dinner. Split large dishes between two people. Order off the senior menu if you can. Serving sizes are ridiculously large at most restaurants. ____________________________________________________
A catalogue of crazy customized coffins.
___________________________________________________ An old man strode in to his doctors office and said, "Doc, my druggist said to tell you to change my prescription and to check the prescription you've been giving to Mrs. Smith." "Oh, he did, did he?" the doctor shot back. "And since when does a druggist second guess a doctor's orders?" The old man says, "Since he found out I've been on birth control pills since February." ___________________________________________________ On my way to deliver a repaired computer to a customer, I saw a handwritten sign at the entrance of an alley. It read: "Blocked! Do not pass! Difficult to turn back." I continued anyway, only to discover that the alley was indeed blocked by a fallen tree. As predicted, it took a while to turn the truck around. When I finally got back to the entrance, I noticed a second sign. It read: "Told you so!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Rough Translations: RIGOR MORRIS: The cat is dead. RESPONDEZ S'IL VOUS PLAID: Honk if you're Scottish HARLEZ-VOUS FRANCAIS?: Can you drive a French motorcycle? VENI, VIDI, VISA: I came, I saw, I shopped. COGITO EGGO SUM: I think, therefore I am ... a waffle QUE SERA SERF: Life is feudal LEROI EST MORT. JIVE LEROI: Leroy is dead. Dance Leroy! POSH MORTEM: Death styles of the rich and famous PRO BOZO PUBLICO: Support your local clown MONAGE A TROIS: I am three years old HASTE CUISINE: Fast French food QUIP PRO QUO: A fast retort ALOHA OY: Love; greetings; farewell; and from such a pain you should never know MAZEL TON: Tons of luck VISA LA FRANCE: Don't leave your chateau without it CARNE DIEM: Seize the meat ___________________________________________________

Today March 20 in
0141 The 6th recorded perihelion passage of Halley's Comet took

1413 Henry V took the throne of England upon the death of his
father Henry IV. 

1525 Paris' parliament began its pursuit of Protestants. 

1602 The United Dutch East Indian Company (VOC) was formed. 

1616 Walter Raleigh was released from Tower of London to seek
gold in Guyana. 

1627 France & Spain signed an accord for fighting Protestantism. 

1739 In India, Nadir Shah of Persia occupied Delhi and took
possession of the Peacock throne. 

1760 The great fire of Boston destroyed 349 buildings. 

1792 In Paris, the Legislative Assembly approved the use of the

1800 French army defeated the Turks at Helipolis, Turkey, and
advanced into Cairo. 

1814 Prince Willem Frederik became the monarch of Netherlands. 

1815 Napoleon Bonaparte entered Paris after his escape from Elba
and began his "Hundred Days" rule. 

1816 The U.S. Supreme Court affirmed its right to review state
court decisions. 

1833 The U.S. and Siam signed a commercial treaty. 

1852 Harriet Beecher Stowe's book "Uncle Tom's Cabin," subtitled
"Life Among the Lowly," was first published. 

1854 The Republican Party was organized in Ripon, WI. About 50
slavery opponents began the new political group. 

1865 A plan by John Wilkes Booth to abduct U.S. President Abraham
Lincoln was ruined when Lincoln changed his plans and did not
appear at the Soldier's Home near Washington, DC. 

1868 Jesse James Gang robbed a bank in Russelville, KY, of

1883 The Unity treaty of Paris was signed to protect industrial

1885 John Matzeliger of Suriname patented the shoe lacing

1886 The first AC power plant in the U.S. began commercial

1888 The Sherlock Holmes Adventure, "A Scandal in Bohemia,"

1891 The first computing scale company was incorporated in
Dayton, OH. 

1896 U.S. Marines landed in Nicaragua to protect U.S. citizens in
the wake of a revolution. 

1897 The first U.S. orthodox Jewish Rabbinical seminary was
incorporated in New York. 

1897 The first intercollegiate basketball game that used five
players per team was held. The contest was Yale versus
Pennsylvania. Yale won by a score of 32-10. 

1899 At Sing Sing prison, Martha M. Place became the first woman
to be executed in the electric chair. She was put to death for
the murder of her stepdaughter. 

1900 It was announced that European powers had agreed to keep
China's doors open to trade. 

1902 France and Russia acknowledged the Anglo-Japanese alliance.
They also asserted their right to protect their interests in
China and Korea. 

1906 In Russia, army officers mutiny at Sevastopol. 

1915 The French called off the Champagne offensive on the Western

1918 The Bolsheviks of the Soviet Union asked for American aid to
rebuild their army. 

1922 U.S. President Warren G. Harding ordered U.S. troops back
from the Rhineland. 

1922 The USS Langley was commissioned. It was the first aircraft
carrier for the U.S. Navy. 

1932 The German dirigible, Graf Zepplin, made the first flight to
South America on regular schedule. 

1933 The first German concentration camp was completed at Dachau.

1934 Rudolf Kuhnold gave a demonstration of radar in Kiel

1940 The British Royal Air Force conducted an all-night air raid
on the Nazi airbase at Sylt, Germany. 

1943 The Allies attacked Field Marshall Erwin Rommel's forces on
the Mareth Line in North Africa. 

1947 A blue whale weighing 180-metric tons was caught in the
South Atlantic. 

1952 The U.S. Senate ratified a peace treaty with Japan. 

1956 Mount Bezymianny on Kamchatka Peninsula (USSR) exploded. 

1956 Tunisia gained independence from France. 

1964 The ESRO (European Space Research Organization) was

1965 U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson ordered 4,000 troops to
protect the Selma-Montgomery civil rights marchers. 

1967 Twiggy arrived in the U.S. for a one-week stay. 

1969 U.S. Senator Edward Kennedy called on the U.S. to close all
bases in Taiwan. 

1972 19 mountain climbers were killed on Japan's Mount Fuji
during an avalanche. 

1976 Patricia Hearst was convicted of armed robbery for her role
in the hold up of a San Francisco Bank. 

1980 The U.S. made an appeal to the International Court
concerning the American Hostages in Iran. 

1981 Argentine ex-president Isabel Peron was sentenced to eight
years in a convent. 

1982 U.S. scientists returned from Antarctica with the first land
mammal fossils found there. 

1984 The U.S. Senate rejected an amendment to permit spoken
prayer in public schools. 

1985 For the first time in its 99-year history, Avon
representatives received a salary. Up to that time they had been
paid solely on commissions. 

1985 CBS-TV presented "The Romance of Betty Boop." 

1985 Libby Riddles won the 1,135-mile Anchorage-to-Nome dog race
becoming the first woman to win the Iditarod. 

1989 A Washington, DC, district court judge blocked a curfew
imposed by Mayor Barry and the City Council. 

1989 In Belfast, two policemen were killed. The IRA claimed

1990 Namibia became an independent nation ending 75 years of
South African rule. 

1990 Imelda Marcos, widow of ex-Philippines dictator Ferdinand
Marcos, went on trial for racketeering, embezzlement and bribery.

1990 In Rumania, tanks were sent to the town of Tirgu Mures to
quell ethnic riots. 

1991 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled unanimously that employers
could not exclude women from jobs where exposure to toxic
chemicals could potentially damage a fetus. 

1991 The U.S. forgave $2 billion in loans to Poland. 

1993 Russian President Boris Yeltsin declared emergency rule. He
set a referendum on whether the people trusted him or the hard-
line Congress to govern. 

1993 An Irish Republican Army bomb was detonated in Warrington,
England. A 3-year-old boy and a 12-year-old boy were killed. 

1995 About 35,000 Turkish troops crossed the northern border of
Iraq in pursuit of the separatist rebels of the Kurdistan Workers
Party (PKK). 

1995 In Tokyo, 12 people were killed and more than 5,500 others
were sickened when packages containing the nerve gas Sarin was
released on five separate subway trains. The terrorists belonged
to a doomsday cult in Japan. 

1996 In Los Angeles, Erik and Lyle Menendez were found guilty of
first-degree murder in the killing of their parents. 

1996 The U.K. announced that humans could catch CJD (Mad Cow

1997 Liggett Group, the maker of Chesterfield cigarettes, settled
22 state lawsuits by admitting the industry marketed cigarettes
to teenagers and agreed to warn on every pack that smoking is

1998 India's new Hindu nationalist-led government pledges to
"exercise the option to induct nuclear weapons." 

1999 Bertrand Piccard and Brian Jones became the first men to
circumnavigate the Earth in a hot air balloon. The non-stop trip
began on March 3 and covered 26,500 miles. 

1999 Legoland California opened Carlsbad, California. 

2000 Former Black Panther Jamil Abdullah Al-Amin, once known as
H. Rap Brown, was captured following a shootout that left a
sherriff's deputy dead. 

2002 Actress Pamela Anderson disclosed that she had hepatitis C. 

2002 Arthur Andersen pled innocent to charges that it had
shredded documents and deleted computer files related to the
energy company Enron. 

2003 Cisco Systems Inc. announced it was buying The Linksys Group
INc. for $500 million in stock. 

2003 U.S. and British forces invaded Iraq from Kuwait. 

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Acer Laptop sudden death 

Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, March 18

Today, March 18 in
1965 Cosmonaut Alexei Leonov became the first man to spacewalk 
when he left the Voskhod II space capsule while in orbit around
 the Earth. He was outside the spacecraft for about 20 minutes. 
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award: Indiana man arrested seven times in six months ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell-you see, I have friends in both places. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) Who is more busy than he who hath least to do? --- John Clarke The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity. --- Harlan Ellison (1934 - ) _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders were clear. No car was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the windshield. A big Army car came up with a general seated in the back. The sentry said, "Halt, who goes there?" The chauffeur, a corporal, says, "General Wheeler." "I'm sorry, I can't let you through. You've got to have a sticker on the windshield." The general said, "Drive on!" The sentry said, "Hold it! You really can't come through. I have orders to shoot if you try driving in without a sticker." The general repeated, "I'm telling you, son, drive on!" The sentry walked up to the rear window and said, "General, I'm new at this. Do I shoot you or the the driver?" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Steven Wagers, 35, Johnson County, Indiana Indiana man arrested seven times in six months One Indiana man has enough mugshots to populate an Instagram account. They're all recent, and law enforcement is not happy about it. Johnson County Sheriff Duane Burgess said this repeat offender was arrested this week and is not leaving his jail anytime soon. He is just a menace to Johnson County citizens, Burgess said. Burgess is talking about 35-year-old Steven Wagers. Wagers has been arrested seven times in the last six months, including twice within three days last Friday and Monday. Records show Wagers has been arrested nearly 30 times over the last 17 years. Most of his arrests are for thefts and drug possession. Every time we catch him and we arrest him he's got some kind of narcotics that he's in possession of, Burgess said. It's been an occurrence where I'm walking in the jail and he's being released and I'm like 'Stay out of jail, Steven.' And he's returning that next day. Late Friday night, Wagers was arrested on suspicion of stealing a car in Greenwood. Deputies said Wagers led them on a chase and fought with officers when they caught up to him. They said they found a syringe and pain pills on Wagers when they arrested him. Monday morning, Wagers was out of jail and police responded to a call in the same area about a suspicious man in a front yard. Responding officers recognized Wagers as he ran away from them again, police said. During the foot chase, they said Wagers jumped a fence before sitting down in a lawn chair. Police said they found him with a bag of methamphetamines. When Burgess heard of the latest arrest Monday, he quickly sought a court order to hold Wagers without bond. He said the move was intended to keep Wagers locked up so he couldn't go out and commit any more crimes pending a court appearance.
From: Myself Re: Jerome, help! Dear Jerome While I was out for an hour taking pictures for a client, my good old 2009 Acer Aspire laptop died. Black monitor, not even a poer LED. I tried contacting Accer support. That was a total waste of time. Now what? DearWebby Dear DearWebby Take the battery out and plug the laptop in as if the battery was in it. Those Acer batteries do die without warning. Jerome Hi Jerome You fixed it! It runs fine on just the charger. It seems the battery died when I was not watching for an hour. Thank you very much! DearWebby I may have a lot of answers, but whne I am stumped, I ask Jerome.
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A gentleman goes to Africa and asks his tourist guide while walking in the jungle, "Are we safe here? Aren't there cannibals around here?" The tourist guide says, "Yes, it's safe. You can be sure there are no cannibals in Africa." The tourist replied, "But I heard there may still be some cannibals around here." The guide answered, "There are NO cannibals here. I'm sure. We ate the last one yesterday."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A woman was sick of her husband's drinking, so she decided to teach him a lesson. She dressed up like Satan, and when her husband returned home from another bender, she jumped out from behind the sofa and screamed. "You don't scare me," the man said, looking her over calmly. "I married your sister." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Cleaning With Baking Soda Make a paste of baking soda with water for a mild abrasive. You can use it instead of Comet or other abrasive cleaners for cleaning bathroom fixtures. It works well for cleaning spots off chrome and stainless steel. It can also be added to your laundry as a booster (1/2 cup should work). ____________________________________________________
How would you like to live on a "shanty-boat?" It would be interesting for a while as long as I didn't have to stay in one place.
___________________________________________________ A priest was vested in his surplice and cassock ready to proceed at the beginning of the service. His surplice was very ornate, and he was swinging the incense pot which had smoke coming from it. A lady touched him on the shoulder and said, "Darling, I love your dress, but your purse is on fire!" ___________________________________________________ Jeff was out playing golf and he had his usual caddy with him. "Caddy, why didn't you see where that ball went?" "Well, it doesn't usually go anywhere. You caught me off guard." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
>From Beth: Office Memo: "Whoever used the milk in the small plastic container that was in the refrigerator yesterday, please do NOT own up to it. I would find it forever after difficult to meet your gaze across a cafeteria table whilst having a discussion about java applets or brand identity. Just be aware that that milk was EXPRESSLY for my baby, if you get my drift. I will label these things from now on, but if you found your coffee tasted just a little bit unusual this morning, you might think about calling your mom and telling her you love her." ___________________________________________________

Today March 18 in
0037 The Roman Senate annuls Tiberius' will and proclaims
Caligula emperor. 

1123 The first Lateran Council (9th ecumenical council) opened in

1190 Crusaders killed 57 Jews in Bury St. Edmonds England. 

1532 The English parliament banned payments by English church to

1541 Hernando de Soto observed the first recorded flood of the
Mississippi River. 

1673 Lord Berkley sold his half of New Jersey to the Quakers. 

1692 William Penn was deprived of his governing powers. 

1766 Britain repealed the Stamp Act. 

1813 David Melville patented the gas streetlight. 

1818 The U.S. Congress approved the first pensions for government

1834 The first railroad tunnel in the U.S. was completed. The
work was in Pennsylvania. 

1835 Charles Darwin left Santiago Chile on his way to Portillo

1850 Henry Wells & William Fargo founded American Express. 

1874 Hawaii signed a treaty giving exclusive trading rights with
the islands to the U.S. 

1881 Barnum and Bailey's Greatest Show on Earth opened in Madison
Square Gardens. 

1891 Britain became linked to the continent of Europe by

1899 Phoebe, a moon of the planet Saturn, was discovered. 

1902 In Turkey, the Sultan granted a German syndicate the first
concession to access Baghdad by rail. 

1903 France dissolved the Catholic religious orders. 

1909 Einar Dessau of Denmark used a short wave transmitter to
become the first person to broadcast as a "ham" operator. 

1911 Theodore Roosevelt opened the Roosevelt Dam in Arizona. It
was the largest dam in the U.S. at the time. 

1911 North Dakota enacted a hail insurance law. 

1913 Greek King George I was killed by an assassin. Constantine I
succeeded him. 

1916 Russia countered the Verdun assault with an attack at Lake
Naroch. The Russians lost 100,000 men and the Germans lost

1917 The Germans sank the U.S. ships, City of Memphis, Vigilante
and the Illinois, without any warning. 

1920 Greece adopted the Gregorian calendar. 

1921 Poland was enlarged with the second Peace of Riga. 

1921 The steamer "Hong Koh" ran aground off of Swatow China. Over
1,000 people were killed. 

1922 Mohandas K. Gandhi was sentenced to six years in prison for
civil disobedience in India. He served only 2 years of the

1931 Schick Inc. displayed the first electric shaver. 

1937 More than 400 people, mostly children, were killed in a gas
explosion at a school in New London, TX. 

1938 Mexico took control of all foreign-owned oil properties on
its soil. 

1938 New York first required serological blood tests of pregnant

1940 Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini held a meeting at the
Brenner Pass. The Italian dictator agreed to join in Germany's
war against France and Britain during the meeting. 

1942 The third military draft began in the U.S. because of World
War II. 

1943 The Reich called off its offensive in Caucasus. 

1943 American forces took Gafsa in Tunisia. 

1944 The Russians reached the Rumanian border in the Balkans
during World War II. 

1945 1,250 U.S. bombers attacked Berlin. 

1945 Maurice "Rocket" Richard became the first National Hockey
League (NHL) player to score 50 goals. 

1949 The North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO) was ratified. 

1950 Nationalist troops landed on the mainland of China and
capture Communist held Sungmen. 

1952 In Philadelphia, PA, the first plastic lenses were fitted
for a cataract patient. 

1953 An earthquake hit West Turkey killing 250 people. 

1954 RKO Pictures was sold for $23,489,478. It became the first
motion picture studio to be owned by an individual. The person
was Howard Hughes. 

1959 U.S. President Eisenhower signed the Hawaii statehood bill. 

1962 French and Algerian rebels agreed to a truce. 

1963 France performed an underground nuclear test at Ecker

1963 The U.S. Supreme Court handed down the Miranda decision
concerning legal council for defendants. 

1965 Cosmonaut Alexei Leonov became the first man to spacewalk
when he left the Voskhod II space capsule while in orbit around
the Earth. He was outside the spacecraft for about 20 minutes. 

1966 Scott Paper began selling paper dresses for $1. 

1968 The U.S. Congress repealed the requirement for a gold

1969 U.S. President Nixon authorizes Operation Menue. It was the
'secret' bombing of Cambodia. 

1970 The U.S. Postal Service experienced the first postal strike.

1971 U.S. helicopters airlifted 1,000 South Vietnamese soldiers
out of Laos. 

1971 A landslide in Lake Yanahuani, Chungar Peru, killed 200. 

1974 Most of the Arab oil-producing nations ended their five-
month embargo against the United States, Europe and Japan. 

1975 Saigon abandoned most of the Central Highlands of Vietnam to

1975 The Kurds ended their fight against Iraq. 

1977 Vietnam turned over an MIA to a U.S. delegation. 

1979 Iranian authorities detained American feminist Kate Millett.
The next day she was deported. 

1980 A Vostok rocket exploded on the launch pad killing 50. 

1981 The U.S. disclosed that there were biological weapons tested
in Texas in 1966. 

1986 Buckingham Palace announced the engagement of Prince Andrew
to Sarah Ferguson. 

1986 The U.S. Treasury Department announced that a clear,
polyester thread was to be woven into bills in an effort to
thwart counterfeiters. 

1987 The U.S. performed nuclear tests at a Nevada test site. 

1990 Thirteen paintings were stolen from the Isabella Stewart
Gardner Museum in Boston. The value was $100 million making it
the largest art robbery in history. 

1989 A 4,400-year-old mummy was discovered at the Pyramid of
Cheops in Egypt. 

1990 The first free elections took place in East Germany. 

1990 In Tampa, FL, a little league player was killed after being
hit with a pitch. 

1992 Leona Hemsly was sentenced to 4 years in prison for tax

1992 White South Africans voted for constitutional reforms that
would give legal equality to blacks. 

1994 Zsa Zsa Gabor filed for bankruptcy. 

1997 A Russian AN-24 crashed killing 50 people. 

2003 China's new president, Hu Jintao, announced that his country
must deepen reforms and raise living standards of workers and

2019  smiled.

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Spam problem 

Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, March 17

Happy St Patrick's Day!

Today, March 17 in
1966 A U.S. submarine found a missing H-bomb in the 
Mediterranean off of Spain.  
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award: Man trying to transport meth in Canada busted when navigation takes him to Port Huron bridge ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A little learning is a dangerous thing but a lot of ignorance is just as bad. --- Bob Edwards We may not imagine how our lives could be more frustrating and complex--but Congress can. --- Cullen Hightower _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ "Why do the Irish always fight amongst themselves?" "Everybody else is relatively sober by comparison" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Constantine Xethalis, PORT HURON, Michigan. Man trying to transport meth in Canada busted when navigation takes him to Port Huron bridge A man who was allegedly attempting to transport meth from Montreal to Calgary was busted when his iPhone navigation took him to a border checkpoint - Port Huron's Blue Water Bridge. U.S. Customs and Border Protection inspected a Canadian vehicle at the bridge on Wednesday, driven by Constantine Xethalis. Two others were also in the vehicle, probably to ensure that he did not sell the dope along the way. After they were unable to provide proof of citizenship, the vehicle was searched. Officers found approximately 10 pounds of meth in tablet form. Xethalis told police he has a $2,000 gambling debt. In exchange for waiving the debt, he agreed to transport "something" to Calgary. He said he was also asked to drive two others from Toronto to Calgary. Xethalis made the pickups in Toronto. The group then used navigation to get to Calgary, according to the criminal complaint. The navigation guided them to the Blue Water Bridge. Officers believe there is probably cause Xethalis did knowingly and unlawfully possess with the intent to distribute approximately 4.4 kilos of a mixture or substance containing a detectable amount of meth. He will face charges. Xethalis has been charged with possession with intent to distribute controlled substances and importation of a schedule I controlled substance.
From: Wanda Re: Spam Dear DearWebby My spam is up to over two hundred per day. I know you keep telling me to quit whining and get Mailwasher, but I don't have time to learn how to make the filters that you keep talking about. Is there ANY other way to stop spam? Wanda Dear Wanda Yes, there are other ways. Two of them: 1) Rent more senators than the spammers did, and get them to stop protecting spammers and put in some effective laws against spam or 2) Teach some members of the militant wings of the Hells Angels or the Klu-Klux-Klan to become web literate and wait for their reaction to spam. If those alternatives are a bit beyond your budget, conquer your fear of filters and try MailWasher! Once you see how easy it actually is to make filters, you will be kicking yourself for not doing it sooner. It is so easy that I doubt you will ever bother to read the instructions. Because I have business addresses that I can not change, and because I have had them the same for dozens of years, I get a LOT of spam and average 1500 pieces of mail per day. 93% of that is spam. I would go totally nuts trying to deal with that by hand. Instead, MailWasher makes me smile every morning when it shows just a few emails but says in the status line something like: ... mails not shown in list. I hit F6, and ... pieces of spam get flushed to hell, unread, and without even having been shown in the list. There is no other computer program that makes me smile as much. Just take that first step, click on the Mailwasher button, and get it. Have Fun! DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Paddy is engaged in a major custody battle. His wife doesn't want him, and his mother won't take him back.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
"St. Patrick's Day Engagement" An Irishman, by the name of O'Mally proposed to his girl on St. Patrick's Day. He gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond. The excited young lass showed it to her father, a jeweler. He took a close look at it and saw it wasn't real. The young lass on learning it wasn't real returned to her future husband. She protested vehemently about his cheapness. "It was in honor of St. Patrick's Day," he smiled. "I gave you a sham rock." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Recycling Used Paint Thinner You don't need to discard paint thinner that has been used for cleaning paint brushes. Put used paint thinner into a glass or metal container with a tight fitting lid. The paint particles will sink to the bottom leaving you with clear paint thinner towards the top. Just pour off the clear paint thinner and discard the paint particles. Before disposing of any paint, even paint particles, check with your local waste management to find out the correct way to dispose of your paint. Pouring it over obnoxious weeds in the driveway often annoys them, but rarely kills them.
Riding the rails on a bike!
___________________________________________________ Old man Murphy had worked down at the brewery for years, but one day he just wasn't paying attention and he tripped on the walkway and fell over into the beer vat and drowned. The foreman thought it should be his job to inform the widow Murphy of her old man's death. He showed up at the front door and rang the bell. When she came to the door, he said, "I'm sorry to tell you, but your poor husband passed away at work today when he fell into the vat and drowned." She wept and covered her face with her apron and after a time, between sobs, she asked, "Tell me, did he suffer?" "Knowing Pat Murphy like I do, I don't think so," said the foreman, "He got out three times to go to the men's room." ___________________________________________________ Maureen called the police. "My next door neighbor is exposing himself. Oh my," she continued, "he's just standing there, big as you please, taking a shower with his window shades up!" The squad car arrived immediately to catch the evil culprit in the act. She led the cop into her bedroom and pointed out her window. "See what I mean, officer." The policeman scratched his head and said, "Ma'am, I can only see the top of his head." Maureen replied, "Crazy fool, just put a chair on that dresser over there and stand on that! ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
The CIA lost track of one of its operatives, and so calls in one of their top spy hunters. The CIA boss says, "All I can tell you is that his name is Murphy and that he's somewhere in Ireland. If you think you've located him, tell him the code words,'The weather forecast calls for mist in the morning.' If it's really him, he'll answer, 'Yes, and for mist at noon as well.'" So the spy hunter goes to Ireland and stops in the first bar he sees. He says to the bartender, "Maybe you can help me. I'm looking for a guy named Murphy." The bartender replies, "You're going to have to be more specific because, around here, there are lots of guys named Murphy. There's Murphy the Baker, who runs the pastry shop on the next block. There's Murphy the Banker, across the street. There's Murphy the Plumber next door. And, as a matter of fact, my name is Murphy, too." Hearing this, the spy hunter figures he might as well try the code words on bartender, so he says, "The weather forecast calls for mist in the morning." The bartender replies, "Oh, you're looking for Murphy the Spy. He lives on 24 East Broadmoor in Dublin, on the second floor. But,.... from what I hear he's vacationing in Hawaii right now. You'll have to ask Murphy the travel agent to get the phone number of the hotel he's staying at. ___________________________________________________

Today March 17 in
0461 Bishop Patrick, St. Patrick, died in Saul. Ireland
celebrates this day in his honor.  

1756 St. Patrick's Day was celebrated in New York City for the
first time. The event took place at the Crown and Thistle Tavern.

1766 Britain repealed the Stamp Act that had caused resentment
and violent opposition in the North American colonies. 

1776 British forces evacuated Boston to Nova Scotia during the
Revolutionary War. 

1868 Postage stamp canceling machine patent was issued. 

1870 Wellesley College was incorporated by the Massachusetts
legislature under its first name, Wellesley Female Seminary. 

1884 In Otay, California, John Joseph Montgomery made the first
manned, controlled, heavier-than-air glider flight in the United

1886 20 Blacks were killed in the Carrollton Massacre in

1891 The British steamer Utopia sank off the coast of Gibraltar. 

1901 In Paris, Vincent Van Gogh's paintings were shown at the
Bernheim Gallery. 

1909 In France, the communications industry was paralyzed by

1910 The Camp Fire Girls organization was founded by Luther and
Charlotte Gulick. It was formally presented to the public exactly
2 years later. 

1914 Russia increased the number of active duty military from
460,000 to 1,700,000. 

1917 America’s first bowling tournament for ladies began in St.
Louis, MO. Almost 100 women participated in the event. 

1930 Al Capone was released from jail. 

1930 In New York, construction began on the Empire State
Building. Excavation at the site began on January 22. 

1942 Douglas MacArthur became the Supreme Commander of the Allied
forces in the Southwestern Pacific. 

1944 During World War II, the U.S. bombed Vienna back into the
stone age. 

1950 Scientists at the University of California at Berkeley
announced that they had created a new radioactive element. They
named it "californium". It is also known as element 98. 

1958 The Vanguard 1 satellite was launched by the U.S. 

1959 The Dalai Lama (Lhama Dhondrub, Tenzin Gyatso) fled Tibet
and went to India. 

1961 The U.S. increased military aid and technicians to Laos. 

1962 Moscow asked the U.S. to pull out of South Vietnam. 

1966 A U.S. submarine found a missing H-bomb in the Mediterranean
off of Spain. 

1969 Golda Meir was sworn in as the fourth premier of Israel. 

1970 The U.S. Army charged 14 officers with suppression of facts
in the My Lai massacre case. 

1972 U.S. President Nixon asked Congress to halt busing in order
to achieve desegregation. 

1973 Twenty were killed in Cambodia when a bomb went off that was
meant for the Cambodian President Lon Nol. 

1973 The first American prisoners of war (POWs) were released
from the "Hanoi Hilton" in Hanoi, North Vietnam. 

1982 In El Salvador, four Dutch television crewmembers were
killed by government troops. 

1985 U.S. President Reagan agreed to a joint study with Canada on
acid rain. 

1989 A series of solar flares caused a violent magnetic storm
that brought power outages over large regions of Eastern Canada. 

1992 In Buenos Aires, 10 people were killed in a suicide car-bomb
attack against the Israeli embassy. 

1992 White South Africans approved constitutional reforms to give
legal equality to blacks. 

1995 Gerry Adams became the first leader of Sinn Fein to be
received at the White House. 

1998 Washington Mutual announced it had agreed to buy H.F.
Ahmanson and Co. for $9.9 billion dollars. The deal created the
nation's seventh-largest banking company. 

1999 A panel of medical experts concluded that marijuana had
medical benefits for people suffering from cancer and AIDS. 

1999 The International Olympic Committee expelled six of its
members in the wake of a bribery scandal. 

2000 In Kanungu, Uganda, a fire at a church linked to the cult
known as the Movement for the Restoration of the Ten Commandments
killed more than 530. On March 31, officials set the number of
deaths linked to the cult at more than 900 after authorities
subsequently found mass graves at various sites linked to the

2004 NASA's Messenger became the first spacecraft to enter into
orbit around Mercury. The probe took more than 270,000 pictures
before it crashed into the surface of Mercury on April 30, 2015. 

2019  smiled.

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Open Office vs Office Libre 

Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, March 16

Today, March 16 in
1926 Physicist Robert H. Goddard launched the first 
liquid-fuel rocket.  
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Rapist got 32 years ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ There it was, hidden in alphabetical order. --- Rita Holt You can't depend on your judgment when your imagination is out of focus. --- Mark Twain _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yeth, they uthed to be," the patient said sadly. ______________________________________________________ Purple Tits _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Choncey Milan Stewart, 18, St Paul, Minnesota Gunman-instigator in two teens’ Harriet Island rape gets 32 years in prison The last of four young men involved in the brutal rape of two teens on Harriet Island during the summer of 2017 received 32 years in prison for his role in the attack. Ramsey County District Judge Timothy Mulrooney on Friday sentenced Choncey Stewart, 18, on two counts of aiding and abetting first-degree criminal sexual conduct, two counts of kidnapping and four counts of first-degree aggravated robbery. The sentence was lower than the roughly 50 years prosecutors sought. Choncey Milan Stewart, 18 Authorities say Stewart, who was 16 at the time, was the instigator and gunman during the incident, which took place around 11 p.m. June 5. He and three others — Devontre Jordan Vann, 20, Deandray Artez Easley, 20, Vershone Jaquay Hodges, 21 — encountered a group of four teens — two girls and their two male friends — on Harriet Island that night. After exchanging some words — Stewart knew one of them — the group forced the boys to strip to their underwear and lie in the grass as three of the young men, including Stewart, took turns raping the girls. All the while Stewart had the gun, and often used it to threaten the victims. Three of the four victims were minors. One of the girls was 18 at the time. Previously, the longest sentence in the case went to Easley, the only one of the four to take his case to trial. Easley was sentenced to 30 years in prison. Hodges and Vann received 25 and 23 years, respectively, after reaching plea deals. Stewart’s sentence came about two months after he pleaded guilty to the charges. He and his friends had gone to the park that night to shoot a music video, according to court testimony from the others’ cases. They were high on Xanax and drunk on tequila at the time of the assaults. Both of the female victims spoke at a previous sentencing hearing, where they described through tears how they struggle with ongoing panic attacks, severe depression, sleeplessness and hopelessness since the assault.
From: Bill Re: OpenOffice vs Office Libre Dear DearWebby I believe that you recommend LibreOffice rather than Open Office. I believe that there is a very slight edge of one over the other. All the best. Bill Dear Bill Apache OpenOffice is behind LibreOffice in release numbers. That means Libre has more frequent, smaller, updates, and Apache has less frequent, but bigger updates. Neither of those are earth shaking events, but may affect bragging rights on some school buses. In actual operation, there is very little difference. The average user might not see too many differences between these open-source office suites. At most, if you looked at them side- by-side, you'd see the Apache OpenOffice sidebar is on by default, in Libre you have to click on VIEW, Sidebar. Big deal. The same with the rest of the programs. They all do the same, but the advantage is yours. Whatever you are used to, stick with it. Have Fun! DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
When I was a 20-something college student, I became quite friendly with my study partner, a 64-year-old man, who had returned to school to finish his degree. He confessed, with a wink, that he had once thought more than friendship might be a possibility between us. "So what changed your mind?" I asked him. "I went to my doctor and asked if he thought a 40-year age difference between a man and woman was insurmountable. He looked at my chart and said, 'You're interested in someone who's 104?'"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
One year my wife and I spent a vacation on Washington's Olympic Peninsula. We were eager to visit the rain forests near the coast, but we heard that snow slides had made some of the roads impassable. Although apprehensive about the conditions we might run into, we drove on. Sure enough, we had gone only a short way up the High Rain Forest road when we saw a sign: "Ice 10 miles." Five miles farther on there was another: "Ice 5 miles." The next one was: "Ice 1/2 mile." We practically crept that half-mile. We came to the last sign. It was outside a small grocery, and it read: "Ice 75 cents." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Ironing Shirts Start by ironing sleeves, cuffs, belts and collars before ironing the body of the shirt. This will prevent you from having to re-iron the body of the shirt. When ironing collars, iron from the corners inward to prevent wrinkles on the ends of the collars. NOW you tell me! After I sold my iron at the yard sale. ____________________________________________________
Our best adventures were from getting lost, which is easy for me since I'm directionally challenged.
___________________________________________________ A 93 year old man went to his doctor to get a physical. A week later, the doctor saw the man walking down the street with an attractive young woman on his arm. At the man's next visit, the doctor said, "I saw you with a young lady the other day. You're really doing great, aren't you?" The man replied, "Just doing what you said Doc, 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful'." The Doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said you got a heart murmur. Be careful." ----------------------- Any hot mamas left out there? ___________________________________________________ A very beautiful, but not so bright lady schedules a three-hour session with her therapist, and all she wants to talk about is how the constant pressure of being a beautiful, desirable blonde is causing her migraine headaches. For two hours straight, she whines, and cries, and moans about how hard it is to be so sexy, while everyone in the world is jealous of her, and says mean things about her, and calls her dumb, and self-centered, and shallow . . . At the two-and-a-half-hour mark, the blonde suddenly stops in mid sentence and shouts, "Doctor! You're a miracle worker! I'm cured! My headache is gone!" The shrink sighs and replies, "No, it isn't gone. . . I have it now." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A psychotherapist was enjoying a growing practice since he graduated college. So much so that he could now afford to have a proper sign advertising his services. So he told a kid to paint a sign board for him & put it above his clinic entrance. Instead of his business building up, it declined steeply. He had especially noticed the ladies shying away from his clinic after reading the sign. So he decided to check it out for himself. One look and he understood why. The boy only found a small wooden board to paint the sign on and he had split the word psychotherapist into the 3 words. His new sign read: Psycho- the- rapist ___________________________________________________

Today March 16 in
1190 The Crusaders began the massacre of Jews in York, England. 

1521 Portuguese navigator Ferdinand Magellan reached the
Philippines. He was killed the next month by natives. 

1527 The Emperor Babur defeated the Rajputs at the Battle of
Kanvaha in India. 

1621 Samoset walked into the settlement of Plymouth Colony, later
Plymouth, MA. Samoset was a native from the Monhegan tribe in
Maine who spoke English. 

1871 The State of Delaware enacted the first fertilizer law. 

1882 The U.S. Senate approved a treaty allowing the United States
to join the Red Cross. 

1907 The world's largest cruiser, the British Invincible was
completed at Glasgow. 

1908 China released the Japanese steamship Tatsu Maru. 

1909 Cuba suffered its first revolt only six weeks after the
inauguration of Gomez. 

1913 The 15,000-ton battleship Pennsylvania was launched at
Newport News, VA. 

1917 Russian Czar Nicholas II abdicated his throne. 

1926 Physicist Robert H. Goddard launched the first liquid-fuel

1928 The U.S. planned to send 1,000 more Marines to Nicaragua. 

1935 Adolf Hitler ordered a German rearmament and violated the
Versailles Treaty. 

1939 Germany occupied the rest of Czechoslovakia. 

1945 Iwo Jima was declared secure by the Allies. However, small
pockets of Japanese resistance still existed. 

1946 Algerian nationalist leader Ferhat Abbas was freed after
spending a year in jail. 

1946 India called British Premier Attlee's independence off
contradictory and a propaganda move. 

1947 Martial law was withdrawn in Tel Aviv. 

1950 Congress voted to remove federal taxes on oleomargarine. 

1964 Paul Hornung and Alex Karras were reinstated to the NFL
after an 11-month suspension for betting on football games. 

1964 U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson submitted a $1 billion war
on poverty program to Congress. 

1968 U.S. troops in Vietnam destroyed a village consisting mostly
of women and children. The event is known as the My-Lai massacre.

1978 Italian politician Aldo Moro was kidnapped by left-wing
urban guerrillas. Moro was later murdered by the group. 

1982 Russia announced they would halt their deployment of new
nuclear missiles in Western Europe. 

1984 Mozambique and South Africa signed a pact banning the
support for one another's internal enemies. 

1984 William Buckley, the CIA station chief in Beirut, was
kidnapped by gunmen. He died while in captivity. 

1985 "A Chorus Line" played its 4,000 performance. 

1985 Terry Anderson, an Associated Press newsman, was taken
hostage in Beirut. He was released in December 4, 1991. 

1987 "Bostonia" magazine printed an English translation of Albert
Einstein’s last high school report card. 

1988 Indictments were issued for Lt. Colonel Oliver North, Vice
Admiral John Poindexter of the National Security Council, and two
others for their involvement in the Iran-Contra affair. 

1988 Mickey Thompson and his wife Trudy were shot to death in
their driveway. Thompson, known as the "Speed King," set nearly
500 auto speed endurance records including being the first person
to travel more than 400 mph on land. 

1989 In the U.S.S.R., the Central Committee approved Gorbachev's
agrarian reform plan. 

1989 The Soviet Communist Party's Central Committee approved
large-scale agricultural reforms and elected the party's 100
members to the Congress of People's Deputies. 

1993 In France, ostrich meat was officially declared fit for
human consumption. 

1994 Tonya Harding pled guilty in Portland, OR, to conspiracy to
hinder prosecution for covering up the attack on her skating
rival Nancy Kerrigan. She was fined $100,000. She was also banned
from amateur figure skating. 

1994 Russia agreed to phase out production of weapons-grade

1995 NASA astronaut Norman Thagard became the first American to
visit the Russian space station Mir. 

1998 Rwanda began mass trials for 1994 genocide with 125,000
suspects for 500,000 murders. 

1999 The 20 members of the European Union's European Commission
announced their resignations amid allegations of corruption and
financial mismanagement.

2019  smiled.

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Open Office compatibility 

Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, March 15
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Re PIE DAY yesterday: 3 14, officially pi day, but jokingly
called PIE day in hopes, somebody will donate a slice of pie.
Well, neither of the people, who know how to bake a pie, did.

Michael in Hawaii told me that WiFi attenuates with the SQUARE 
of the distance, not the cube, like I had erroneously stated.
Sorry about that!

Today, March 15 in
1960 The first underwater park was established as 
Key Largo Coral Reef Preserve. 
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Aw3ard: Man who used fridge to try and smuggle 10 Vietnamese nationals into UK is jailed ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Politics is not the art of the possible. It consists in choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable. --- John Kenneth Galbraith (1908 - 2006) Ideas are a dime a dozen. People who implement them are priceless. --- Mary Kay Ash _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small, uninhabited island. He prayed feverishly for God to rescue him, and every day he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming. Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect him from the elements, and to store his few possessions. But then one day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, the smoke rolling up to the sky. The worst had happened; everything was lost. He was stunned with grief and anger. "God, how could you do this to me!" he cried. Early the next day, however, he was awakened by the sound of a ship that was approaching the island. It had come to rescue him. "How did you know I was here?" asked the weary man of his rescuers. "We saw your smoke signal," they replied. ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Ciprian Scorteanu, 45, In Jail now in England Man who used fridge to try and smuggle 10 Vietnamese nationals into UK is jailed A Romanian man has been jailed after trying to smuggle 10 Vietnamese nationals, including eight children, into the UK in an adapted fridge in his lorry. Ciprian Scorteanu had his heavy goods vehicle stopped by Border Force Officers at the Port of Hull on October 27, 2018. The 45-year-old was questioned by officers who, after becoming unsatisfied with his responses, decided to impound his trailer for 48 hours so that they could search its cargo of used tyres. Scorteanu was allowed to leave the port in the trailer’s tractor unit and return two days later on October 29. However, just hours after letting him go, officers made an alarming discovery after noticing steam coming from the roof of the trailer’s refrigeration unit. The façade of the unit was removed and inside, officers found 10 people, including eight children, hiding inside a specially adapted fridge. Mark Robinson, Humberside assistant director for Border Force said: ‘This was a deliberate attempt to bypass the UK’s border controls. ‘The trailer had been adapted for the sole purpose of smuggling.’ He said that without the expertise of his officers, the Vietnamese nationals could have been ‘trapped in the confined conditions for 48 hours’, with the risks to their welfare ‘obvious’. He added: ‘Border Force officers are on the frontline keeping our borders safe and secure. We will continue to work with law enforcement colleagues to ensure that people smugglers and traffickers, who often put the lives of others at risk through their actions, face the consequences of their crimes.’ After finding the Vietnamese nationals, police were alerted and Scorteanu was arrested the same day in Lincolnshire. The investigation was passed to Immigration Enforcement Criminal and Financial Investigation (CFI) officers and Scorteanu was charged with assisting unlawful immigration into the UK. It is believed the 10 Vietnamese nationals were trapped in the fridge for 36 hours from when Scorteanu started his journey in Germany. They had no food and were only given water to drink. Katie Brown, from CFI, said: ‘Scorteanu’s callous disregard for their safety is frightening.’ The Vietnamese men found in the fridge were refused entry to the UK and removed to Rotterdam in The Netherlands. The eight children were taken into the care of social services. Scorteanu, who did not have a fixed UK address, was jailed for four years and six months at Hull Crown Court on March 7 having admitted the offence at an earlier hearing.
From: Donnie Re: OpenOffice compatibility Dear DearWebby I suggested Open Office to a friend's son who is a college student on a snug budget. His on-line assignments require WORD. Will Word open an Open Office document? I tried a sample document on my computer, but was not successful. Is there any trick that will work easily? Thanks once again for all of your help. Donnie Dear Donnie Yes, I realize that some colleges accept bribes from Microsoft dealers for insisting that only Microsoft products be allowed. Word can't open Open Office documents, it is way too primitive for that. However, Open Office can save documents as Word Documents. Open office is OPEN. It works on UNIX, Linux, Windows and Mac, and it can save documents and spreadsheets in just about any format. That's why it is called OPEN, and why the business world is switching to it. Kids limited to WORD will soon have a hard time competing with those who are comfortable with OPEN. The more progressive colleges have already realized that and switched to OPEN Office. Just tell him to save the documents in Word format, so that the backward teacher can read it. Word does work just fine on WORD documents, it is just a bit limited outside that narrow alley. Have Fun! DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Had a friend whose Grandpa lived with 'em... He was always going on about the good old days, and the lower cost of living, in particular... "When I was a boy, my momma could send me to the store, and I'd get a ham, a quart of milk, 6 oranges, 2 loaves o' bread, and a comic book... all fo' a quarter!! You can't DO that no mo'... ...them daing video cameras is ever'where ya look......"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Mark was only 5 feet, 8 inches tall when he left for college in the fall. He worked through the Christmas holidays and didn't return home again until the February break. When he got off the plane, I was stunned at how much taller he looked. Measuring him at home, I discovered he now stood at 5 feet, 11 inches. My son was as surprised as I. "Couldn't you tell by your clothes that you'd grown?" I asked him. "Since I've been doing my own laundry," he replied, "I just figured everything had shrunk." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Swimming Pool Covers Evaporating water requires tremendous amounts of energy. It only takes 1 BTU (British thermal unit) to raise 1 pound of water 1 degree, but each pound of 80 degree F water that evaporates takes a whopping 1,048 BTU of heat out of the pool. ____________________________________________________
This guy's art work with flowers is amazing!
___________________________________________________ LOCAL MAN WINS 'EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH AWARD' FOR 23RD STRAIGHT MONTH Chuck Rogers, a self employed marketing consultant, has won his company's 'Employee of the Month Award' for a record 23 months in a row. Said Rogers, "I began the award program nearly two years ago when my psychologist and business coach suggested that I needed to create a company plan for maintaining employee moral and building self-esteem." Rogers, who works alone from his home office, has received 100% of the votes for the 'Employee of the Month Award' since its inception. Said Rogers, "It feels really good every time I win the award. I am always surprised and flattered when the winner is announced. But the best part is that I get to use the special parking spot set aside for the winner. It is right next to the house. You can't imagine what a benefit that has been!" ___________________________________________________ I was a second lieutenant in the Army, learning to fly light aircraft at Fort Sill, Okla. One day I made a perfectly smooth landing. At last! To my horror, when I stepped on the brakes nothing at all happened. "What'll I do now?" I shouted to my instructor. "The brakes failed!" "I'm not surprised," he growled. "We're still two feet in the air." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Years ago, Nebraskans got tired of leaning into the wind, having their top soil blown away, and chickens laying their eggs two and three times. Seems the wind continually came down from Canada, and there was nothing between Canada and Nebraska to stop it. The farmers all got together and decided to build a fence across the North Border of the State of Nebraska. . . . the idea being, to stop that cold wind. It might've worked, too. The barbed wire they used was strong enough, .but the real problem was that a couple owners of farms on the upper border kept leaving their gates open. ___________________________________________________

Today March 15 in
44 BC Roman Emperor Julius Caesar was assassinated by a herd of
high ranking Roman Senators. The day is known as the "Ides of

1341 During the Hundred Years War, an alliance was signed between
Roman Emperor Louis IV and France's Philip VI. 

1493 Christopher Columbus returned to Spain after his first New
World voyage. 

1778 In command of two frigates, the Frenchman la Perouse sailed
east from Botany Bay for the last lap of his voyage around the

1781 During the American Revolution, the Battle of Guilford
Courthouse took place in North Carolina. British General
Cornwallis' 1,900 soldiers defeated an American force of 4,400. 

1862 General John Hunt Morgan began four days of raids near the
city of Gallatin, TN. 

1864 Red River Campaign began as the Union forces reach
Alexandria, LA. 

1875 The Roman Catholic Archbishop of New York, John McCloskey,
was named the first American cardinal. 

1877 The first cricket test between Australia and England was
played in Melbourne. Australia won by 45 runs. 

1892 New York State unveiled the new automatic ballot voting

1892 Jesse W. Reno patented the Reno Inclined Elevator. It was
the first escalator. 

1901 German Chancellor von Bulow declared that an agreement
between Russia and China over Manchuria would violate the Anglo-
German accord of October 1900. 

1902 In Boston, MA, 10,000 freight handlers went back to work
after a weeklong strike. 

1903 The British conquest of Nigeria was completed. 500,000
square miles were now controlled by the U.K. 

1904 Three hundred Russians were killed as the Japanese shelled
Port Arthur in Korea. 

1907 In Finland, women won their first seats in the Finnish
Parliament. They took their seats on May 23. 

1910 Otto Kahn offered $500,000 for a family portrait by Dutch
artist Frans Hals. Kahn had outbid J.P. Morgan for the work. 

1916 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson sent 12,000 troops, under
General Pershing, over the border of Mexico to pursue bandit
Pancho Villa. The mission failed. 

1917 Russian Czar Nicholas II abdicated himself and his son. His
brother Grand Duke succeeded as czar. 

1919 The American Legion was founded in Paris. 

1922 Fuad I assumed the title of king of Egypt after the country
gained nominal independence from Britain. 

1934 Henry Ford restored the $5 a day wage. 

1935 Joseph Goebbels, German Minister of Propaganda banned four
Berlin newspapers. 

1937 In Chicago, IL, the first blood bank to preserve blood for
transfusion by refrigeration was established at the Cook County

1938 Oil was discovered in Saudi Arabia. 

1939 German forces occupied Bohemia and Moravia, and part of

1944 Cassino, Italy, was destroyed by Allied bombing. 

1946 British Premier Attlee offered India full independence after
agreement on a constitution. 

1949 Clothes rationing in Great Britain ended nearly four years
after the end of World War II. 

1951 General de Lattre demanded that Paris send him more troops
for the fight in Vietnam. 

1951 The Persian parliament voted to nationalize the oil

1954 CBS television debuted its "Morning Show." 

1955 The U.S. Air Force unveiled a self-guided missile. 

1960 The first underwater park was established as Key Largo Coral
Reef Preserve. 

1964 In Montreal, Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor were

1968 The U.S. mint halted the practice of buying and selling

1979 Pope John Paul II published his first encyclical "Redemptor
Hominis." In the work he warned of the growing gap between the
rich and poor. 

1982 Nicaragua's ruling junta proclaimed a month-long state of
siege and suspended the nation's constitution for one day. This
came a day after anti-government rebels destroyed two bridges
near the Honduran border. 

1985 In Brazil, two decades of military rule came to an end with
the installation of a civilian government. 

1989 The U.S. Food and Drug administration decided to impound all
fruit imported from Chili after two cyanide-tainted grapes were
found in Philadelphia, PA. Unions in the US were against Chilean

1989 The U.S. Department of Veteran's Affairs became the 14th
Department in the President's Cabinet. 

1990 Mikhail Gorbachev was elected the first executive president
of the Soviet Union. 

1990 The Ford Explorer was introduced to the public. 

1990 The Soviet parliament ruled that Lithuania's declaration of
independence was invalid and that Soviet law was still in force
in the Baltic republic. 

1991 Four Los Angeles police officers were indicted in the
beating of Rodney King on March 3, 1991. (California) 

1991 Yugoslav President Borisav Jovic resigned after about a week
of anit-communist protests. 

1994 U.S. President Clinton extended the moratorium on nuclear
testing until September of 1995. 

1996 The aviation firm Fokker NV collapsed. 

1998 More than 15,000 ethnic Albanians marched in Yugoslavia to
demand independence for Kosovo. 

1998 CBS' "60 Minutes" aired an interview with former White House
employee Kathleen Willey. Wiley said U.S. President Clinton made
unwelcome sexual advances toward her in the Oval Office in 1993. 

2002 Libyan Abdel Baset Ali Mohmed Al-Megrahi began his life
sentence in a Scottish jail for his role in the bombing of Pan Am
Flight 103 on December 21, 1988. 

2002 In the U.S., Burger King began selling a veggie burger. The
event was billed as the first veggie burger to be sold nationally
by a fast food chain. 

2002 In Texas, Andrea Yates received a life sentence for drowning
her five children on June 20, 2001. 

2002 U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell told the Associated
Press that the U.S. would stand by a 24-year pledge not to use
nuclear arms against states that don't have them. 

2019  smiled.

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Safari Browser 

Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, March 14

Thank you, Michael!!
Thank you, Bill!!

Today, March 14 in
1958 The U.S. government suspended arms shipments to the Batista
government of Cuba ensuring the victory of  Castro and the
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Aw3ard: Two Memphis officers arrested hours apart are latest in string of officer arrests ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The whole dream of democracy is to raise the proletarian to the level of stupidity attained by the bourgeois. --- Gustave Flaubert (1821 - 1880) "To be stupid, selfish, and have good health are three requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is lacking, all is lost." ---Gustave Flaubert "The only way to avoid being miserable is not to have enough leisure to wonder whether you are happy or not." --- George Bernard Shaw _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ From Jean A 'Republican' is Sitting in a Bar A union boss walks in from the factory next door and is about to order a beer when he sees a guy at the far end of the bar wearing a TRUMP Make America Great Again cap with two beers sitting in front of him. The union boss doesn't need to be an Einstein to know that this guy is a Republican, so he shouts over to the bartender so loudly that everyone can hear, "Drinks for everyone in here, bartender.... but not for the ‘Republican'. Soon after the drinks have been passed out, the Republican gives him a big smile, waves at him then says, "Thank you!" in an equally loud voice. This infuriates the 'Union Boss'. After a few minutes, the union boss once again loudly orders drinks for everyone except the Republican. As before, this doesn't seem to bother the Republican. He nods and smiles, and again yells, "Thank you!" A few more minutes pass and the union boss orders another round of drinks for everyone except the Republican. Frustrated that he can't seem to get the guy angered, the union boss asks the bartender, "What is wrong with that Republican? I've ordered three rounds of drinks for everyone in the bar but him, and all the dummy does is smile and thank me. Is he nuts...?" "Nope," replies the bartender. “He owns the place." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Xavier Chin, 20, Seminole County, Floriduh Two Memphis officers arrested hours apart are latest in string of officer arrests While Memphis always has a lot of officers arrested and in the clink, it is relatively rare that they arrest two within hours in separate incidents. The first arrest happened just before 9 p.m. Thursday, when police said Officer Dartelle Joyner got into a fight with a woman inside of an East Memphis restaurant. Police said a security guard tried to break it up, which is when the nine-year veteran of the police department allegedly went to his car, got an axe and used it to threaten the security guard. The security guard managed to disarm and arrest Officer Dartelle Joyner. Less than an hour later, authorities said Ozell Toles hit a utility pole while driving under the influence. The 18-year MPD veteran now faces multiple charges. Both officers were relieved of duty pending investigations by the department. Both he and Sargent say they trust the majority of officers. The Memphis Police Department has not commented on these latest arrests.
From: David Re: Safari Dear DearWebby What's this with Safari? I thought you were solidly on the Windows side! Which browser do you really recommend now? David Dear David For max speed, the Chinese Maxthon seems to be best For max compatibility, Chrome seems best For the most tricks and gimmicks, FireFox is best For reading long text pages, Safari is best. Safari is slow, buggy and can't cope with a lot of stuff, but it's font rendering is a class better than the rest. Have Fun! DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Marketing Guy: Why haven't you kept me up-to-date on this account? Ops Guy: I've cc'd you on every e-mail I sent to them! Marketing Guy: I don't have time to read my e-mails. There's too much information in them. If you send me an important e-mail, give me a call to let me know I need to check it.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Every morning during our coffee break, my co-workers and I listened to the culinary disasters of a newlywed colleague. We then tried to share some helpful hints and recipes. One day she asked us for step-by-step instructions on cooking sweet potatoes, one of her husband's favorites. "I've finally been able to make them sweet," she said, "but how do you make them orange?" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Moving Furniture and Wall Art Wrap furniture in plastic to keep them clean and together. You can also stand them on their end to save space. When you take down paintings and prints, tape hooks and nails used to hang them to the back of the frame. Use a large piece of cardboard to protect the front of prints and paintings. It is a good idea to patch nail holes immediately, so that you don't forget one and blow your damage deposit. You can get tubes or little tubs of wall patch at most hardware stores, even pre-colored in common wall colors. In a pinch, you can fake it with a paste made from flour and water. To remove nails without damaging the wall, grab them with small vise-grips or pliers, and turn them 3 full rotations, then ease them out while continuing to turn in the same direction. Don't reverse direction! The smaller the hole, the easier it is to make it invisible. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________
Decorative cranes by paper artist. It's hard for me to pick a favorite, they are all beautiful. See if you can pick a favorite?
___________________________________________________ >From Mona I sat with my infant son in front of the TV, hostage to my husband's channel-surfing. He eventually settled on an R-rated movie in which the actress was soon topless. "Honey, change the channel," I said, shielding my son's eyes. "He shouldn't see this." "It's okay." my husband replied. "He probably thinks it's the Food Network." ___________________________________________________ There were two good ol' boys from the South, who love to fish, and they wanted to do some ice fishing. They'd heard about it up in Canada, so they took off up there. The lake was frozen nicely. They stopped just before they got to the lake at a little bait shop and got all their tackle. One of them said, "We're gonna need an ice pick." So they got that, and they took off. In about two hours, one of them was back at the shop and said, "We're gonna need another dozen ice picks." Well, the fellow in the shop wanted to ask some questions, but he didn't. He sold him the picks, and the old boy left. In about an hour, he was back. Said, "We're gonna need all the ice picks you've got." The bait man couldn't stand it any longer. "By the way," he asked, "how are you fellows doing?" "Not very well at all," he said. "We ain't even got the boat in the water yet." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Custom at Duquesne University dictated that if a professor was ten minutes late, class was canceled. One professor arrived early for a 9 a.m. lecture. He placed his hat on his desk, and went to the faculty room. Before he knew it, it was 9:10. By the time he got back to his classroom, it was empty. The next day, he let his students have it. "When my hat is here," he fumed, "I'm here!" The following day, the professor arrived at 9 a.m. He was met by the sight of 28 hats on 28 desks -- and no students. ___________________________________________________

Today March 14 in
1489 Catherine Cornaro, Queen of Cyprus, sold her kingdom to
Venice. She was the last of the Lusignan dynasty. 

1629 A Royal charter was granted to the Massachusetts Bay Colony.

1647 During the Thirty Years War, France, Sweden, Bavaria and
Cologne signed a Treaty of Neutrality. 

1743 First American town meeting was held at Boston's Faneuil

1757 British Admiral John Byng was executed by a firing squad on
board HMS Monarch for neglect of duty. 

1794 Eli Whitney received a patent for his cotton gin. 

1864 Samuel Baker discovered another source of the Nile in East
Africa. He named it Lake Albert Nyanza. 

1891 The submarine Monarch laid telephone cable along the bottom
of the English Channel to prepare for the first telephone links
across the Channel. 

1900 U.S. currency went on the gold standard with the
ratification of the Gold Standard Act. 

1900 In Holland, Botanist Hugo de Vries rediscovered Mendel's
laws of heredity. 

1901 Utah Governor Heber M. Wells vetoed a bill that would have
relaxed restrictions on polygamy. 

1903 The U.S. Senate ratified the Hay-Herran Treaty that
guaranteed the U.S. the right to build a canal at Panama. The
Columbian Senate rejected the treaty. A deal was signed on
November 6, 1903 with the newly independent Panama. 

1904 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the governments claim that the
Northern Securities Company was an illegal merger between the
Great Northern and Northern Pacific Railway companies. 

1905 French bankers refused to lend money to Russia until after
their war. 

1905 The British House of Commons cited a need to compete with
Germany in naval strength. 

1906 The island of Ustica was devastated by an earthquake. 

1912 An anarchist named Antonio Dalba unsuccessfully attempted to
kill Italy's King Victor Emmanuel III in Rome. 

1914 Henry Ford announced the new continuous motion method to
assemble cars. The process decreased the time to make a car from
12½ hours to 93 minutes. 

1915 The British Navy sank the German battleship Dresden off the
Chilean coast. 

1918 An all-Russian Congress of Soviets ratified a peace treaty
with the Central Powers. 

1923 President Harding became the first U.S. President to file an
income tax report. 

1932 George Eastman, the founder of the Kodak company, committed

1936 Adolf Hitler told a crowd of 300,000 that Germany's only
judge is God and itself. 

1939 Hungary occupied the Carpatho-Ukraine. Slovakia declared its

1943 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt became the first U.S.
President to fly in an airplane while in office. 

1945 In Germany, a 22,000 pound "Grand Slam" bomb was dropped by
the Royal Air Force Dumbuster Squad on the Beilefeld railway
viaduct. It was the heaviest bomb used during World War II. 

1947 The U.S. signed a 99-year lease on naval bases in the

1947 Moscow announced that 890,532 German POWs were held in the

1951 U.N. forces recaptured Seoul for the second time during the
Korean War. 

1958 The U.S. government suspended arms shipments to the Batista
government of Cuba ensuring the victory of  Castro and the

1964 A Dallas jury found Jack Ruby guilty of the murder of Lee
Harvey Oswald. 

1978 An Israeli force of 22,000 invaded south Lebanon. The PLO
bases were hit. 

1979 The Census Bureau reported that 95% of all Americans were
married or would get married. 

1979 Near Peking, China, at least 200 people died when a Trident
aircraft crashed into a factory. 

1980 A Polish airliner crashed while making an emergency landing
near Warsaw. 87 people were killed. A 14-man U.S. boxing team was
aboard the plane. 

1981 Three Pakistani airline hijackers surrendered in Syria after
they had exchanged 100 passengers and crewmen for 54 Pakistani

1983 OPEC agreed to cut its oil prices by 15% for the first time
in its 23-year history. 

1989 Imported assault guns were banned in the U.S. under
President George H.W. Bush. 

1991 The "Birmingham Six," imprisoned for 16 years for their
alleged part in an IRA pub bombing, were set free after a court
agreed that the police fabricated evidence. 

1991 Bolivian interior minister Guillermo Capobianco resigned
after U.S. officials accused him of receiving money from drug

1995 American astronaut Norman Thagard became the first American
to enter space aboard a Russian rocket. 

1996 U.S. President Bill Clinton committed $100 million for an
anti-terrorism pact with Israel to track down and root out
Islamic militants. 

1998 An earthquake left 10,000 homeless in southeastern Iran. 

2002 A Scottish appeals court upheld the conviction of a Libyan
intelligence agent for the 1988 bombing of Pan Am Flight 103. A
five-judge court ruled unanimously that Abdel Basset Ali al-
Megrahi was guilty of bringing down the plane over Lockerbie,

2003 Robert Blake was released from jail on $1.5 million bail.
Blake had been jailed for the murder of his wife Bonny Lee

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Length of netwrk cable 

Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, March 13

Today, March 13 in
1884 Standard time was adopted throughout the U.S. 
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Aw3ard: Florida man crashes car then led police on bizarre nude foot chase ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A waist is a terrible thing to mind. --- Jane Caminos Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it. --- Jane Wagner, (and Lily Tomlin) _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ The future father-in-law asked, "Young man, can you support a family?" The surprised groom-to-be replied, "Well, no. I was just planning to support your daughter. The rest of you will have to fend for yourselves." ______________________________________________________ Rufous Kingfisher _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Xavier Chin, 20, Seminole County, Floriduh Florida man crashes car then led police on bizarre nude foot chase Xavier Chin, 20, abandoned his vehicle after the crash in Seminole County, Florida on Sunday evening and began to run from responding deputies without any clothes on. Cellphone video showed the strange sight as Chin jogged through a field in an attempt to escape. Officers followed Chin as he ran in between homes trying to lose the police, according to ClickOrlando. About a mile away from the crash sight, Chin broke into the home of a man who was making dinner. Chin, who was covered in mud and blood, darted into the man’s bedroom and jumped in his bed with hopes that police would never find him under the stranger’s sheets. A short time later, deputies found Chin, who had thoroughly dirtied up the resident’s bed. He was arrested and taken to a local emergency room where he was treated for injuries he sustained in the crash. Chin was charged with burglary, hit-and- run, criminal mischief and resisting arrest. He was booked at Seminole County Jail on Monday and his bail was set at $18,000.
From: Eddie Re: Length of network cable Dear DearWebby Thanks for the info, but I have had some calls that stated that their modem/router was mor than 50 feet, and also I have this one guy there at the center that stated that after 25 ft. you will lose you connection speed. So I wonder if is in the wiring that they are making now and or what type of ethernet cord do you recommend? Eddie Dear Eddie The recommended maximum length for a cat5 or cat5e cable is 328 feet or 100 meters. CAT 6 is rated for 250Mhz up to a distance of 1000 meters. Those clowns should read what's written on the packages! Under 25 feet you don't really need cable, unless you have to go around a welder or a safe, because wireless is normally very fast for the first 25 feet anyway. With wireless it drops off with the cube of the distance, same as light. Twice the distance is 2 x 2 x 2 8 times less signal strength. 3 times further is 27 times less signal strength. 4 times further is 64 times less signal strength. With cable you don't have that problem. Cat 5 and Cat 6 are nicely shielded and since there is no real current flowing, there is no noticeable voltage drop. The network cards use CMOS transistors, that act like closed loop hydraulics. They transmit the push-pull impulses, but nothing flows out at either end. Keep in mind that on the other side of the modem is a crude and unshielded phone line that simultaneously also carries fax and voice and muzak and a pretty serious 60 cycle hum. The modem just peels off the high frequency, cleans it up a bit and forwards it down the ethernet cable. If the signal coming TO the modem is reasonably good, don't worry about the length of the ethernet cable. Have Fun! DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
The old gentlemen was aging more rapidly than he wanted. "Your gout is getting worse." said the doctor. "I recommend that you give up smoking, drinking and sex for a while." "WHAT!" said the man. "Just so's I can walk a little better? If it wasn't for those things I wouldn't get out of my rocker in the first place !"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Woman: He's very successful. I'm sure he's a millionaire by now, and he's only 26. He never even graduated from college. Girl: I'm soooooo jealous. I wish I didn't have an education. ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Avoid Bouncing Checks Bouncing checks almost always ends up being a lot more costly than sending in a late payment. Checks clear almost immediately these days, so track your spending closely. Always keep a buffer in your account and sign up for overdraft protection with your bank. ____________________________________________________
Amazing Friesian horses.
___________________________________________________ Two elderly women were fussing about their husbands over tea one day. "I do wish my Leroy would stop biting his nails. That makes me terribly nervous!" the first one said. "Oh, my Elmer used to do the same thing," the other woman commented. "But I broke him of that habit real quick." "What did you do?" "I hid his teeth!" ___________________________________________________ >From Jan Passport Photo Unfortunately, getting a new passport required a new photo. As I handed my ten-year-old passport and the new picture to the clerk, I sighed. "I like the original better," I told her. "Trust me," she said. "Ten years from now, you'll like this one." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
>From Adam "My father says, 'Marry a girl who has the same belief as the family.' I said, 'Dad, why would I marry a girl who thinks I'm a schmuck?'" ___________________________________________________

Today March 13 in
0483 St. Felix III began his reign as Pope. 

0607 The 12th recorded passage of Halley's Comet occurred. 

1519 Cortez landed in Mexico. 

1639 Harvard University was named for clergyman John Harvard. 

1660 A statute was passed limiting the sale of slaves in the
colony of Virginia. 

1777 The U.S. Congress ordered its European envoys to appeal to
high-ranking foreign officers to send troops to reinforce the
American army. 

1781 Sir William Herschel discovered the planet Uranus. 

1852 The New York "Lantern" newspaper published the first "Uncle
Sam cartoon". It was drawn by Frank Henry Bellew. 

1865 Jefferson Davis signed a bill authorizing slaves to be used
as soldiers for the Confederacy. 

1868 The U.S. Senate began the impeachment trial of President
Andrew Johnson. 

1877 Chester Greenwood patented the earmuff. 

1878 The first collegiate golf match was played between Oxford
and Cambridge. 

1884 Standard time was adopted throughout the U.S. 

1900 In South Africa, British Gen. Roberts took Bloemfontein. 

1901 Andrew Carnegie announced that he was retiring from business
and that he would spend the rest of his days giving away his
fortune. His net worth was estimated at $300 million. 

1902 In Poland, schools were shut down across the country when
students refused to sing the Russian hymn "God Protect the Czar."

1902 Andrew Carnegie approved 40 applications from libraries for

1908 The people of Jerusalem saw an automobile for the first
time. The owner was Charles Glidden of Boston. 

1911 The U.S. Supreme Court approved corporate tax law. 

1915 The Germans repelled a British expeditionary force attack in

1918 Women were scheduled to march in the St. Patrick's Day
Parade in New York due to a shortage of men due to wartime. 

1925 A law in Tennessee prohibited the teaching of evolution. 

1930 It was announced that the planet Pluto had been discovered
by scientist Clyde Tombaugh at the Lowell Observatory. 

1933 U.S. banks began to re-open after a "holiday" that had been
declared by President Roosevelt. 

1935 Three-thousand-year-old archives were found in Jerusalem
confirming some biblical history. 

1940 The war between Russia and Finland ended with the signing of
a treaty in Moscow. 

1941 Adolf Hitler issued an edict calling for an invasion of the

1942 Julia Flikke of the Nurse Corps became the first woman
colonel in the U.S. Army. 

1943 Japanese forces ended their attack on the American troops on
Hill 700 in Bougainville. 

1946 Reports from Iran indicated that Soviet tank units were
stationed 20 miles from Tehran. 

1946 Premier Tito seized wartime collaborator General Draja
Mikhailovich in a cave in Yugoslavia. 

1951 Israel demanded $1.5 billion in German reparations for the
cost of caring for war refugees. 

1951 The comic strip "Dennis the Menace" appeared for the first
time in newspapers across the country. 

1957 Jimmy Hoffa was arrested by the FBI on bribery charges. 

1963 China invited Soviet President Khrushchev to visit Peking. 

1969 The Apollo 9 astronauts returned to Earth after the
conclusion of a mission that included the successful testing of
the Lunar Module. 

1970 Cambodia ordered Hanoi and Viet Cong troops to leave. 

1970 Digital Equipment Corp. introduced the PDP-11 minicomputer. 

1972 "The Merv Griffin Show" debuted in syndication for
Metromedia Television. 

1974 The U.S. Senate voted 54-33 to restore the death penalty. 

1974 An embargo imposed by Arab oil-producing countries was

1980 A jury in Winamac, IN, found Ford Motor Company innocent of
reckless homicide in the deaths of three young women that had
been riding in a Ford Pinto. 

1988 The board of trustees off Gallaudet University in
Washington, DC, chose I. King Jordan to be its first deaf
president. The college is a liberal arts college for the hearing-

1990 The U.S. lifted economic sanctions against Nicaragua. 

1991 Exxon paid $1 billion in fines and for the clean-up of the
Alaskan oil spill. 

2002 Fox aired "Celebrity Boxing." Tonya Harding beat Paula
Jones, Danny Banaduce beat Barry Williams and Todd Bridges
defeated Vanilla Ice. 

2003 Japan sent a destroyer to the Sea of Japan amid reports that
North Korea was planning to test an intermediate-range ballistic

2003 A report in the journal "Nature" reported that scientists
had found 350,000-year-old human footprints in Italy. The 56
prints were made by three early, upright-walking humans that were
descending the side of a volcano. 

2012 After 244 years of publication, Encyclopædia Britannica
announced it would discontinue its print edition. 

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Twisted Sister 

Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, March 12

Today, March 12 in
1888 The "Blizzard of '88" began along the U.S. Atlantic Seaboard
shutting down communication and transportation lines. More than
400 people died.(March 11-14) 

1755 In North Arlington, NJ, the steam engine was used for the
first time in America. 
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Aw3ard: Fake Arizona nun busted for trafficking fentanyl ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ There are three rules for writing the novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are. --- W. Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965) Freedom of the press is limited to those who own one. --- A. J. Liebling (1904 - 1963) Girls are always running through my mind. They don't dare walk. --- Andy Gibb _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ When her late husband's will was read, a widow learned he had left the bulk of his fortune to another woman. Enraged, she rushed to change the inscription on her spouse's tombstone. "Sorry, lady," said the stonecutter. "Per your request, I inscribed 'Rest in Peace' already on it. I can't change it now." "Very well," she said grimly. "Just add, `Until We Meet Again!'" ______________________________________________________ Tibet _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Esther Gomez De Aguilar, 53, Jose Aguilar Diaz, 52, Yuma, Arizona Fake Arizona nun busted for trafficking fentanyl This is one twisted sister! An Arizona woman dressed as a nun — and carrying a Bible on her lap — was busted trafficking $90,000 in the synthetic opioid drug fentanyl, according to police. Esther Gomez De Aguilar, 53, of Yuma was sporting a veil while driving with her husband when an officer pulled them over for a traffic violation in Eloy on Monday, Pinal County cops said. The cop, who unleashed a drug-sniffing dog, searched De Aguilar and found pounds of fentanyl powder and pills in her purse and stashed under her clothes, police said in a Facebook post. The couple was hauling a total of 8.5 pounds of fentanyl — enough to kill hundreds of people, cops said. “You can see they will use any means to conceal what they are doing,” Pinal County Sheriff Mark Lamb said in a Facebook post. “Fentanyl is extremely dangerous. All it takes is the equivalent of 4 to 5 grains the size of sand to kill you.” De Aguilar and her husband, Jose Aguilar Diaz, were charged with possession and transportation of narcotics for sale.
From: Tom Re: Saved Cookies Dear DearWebby Deleting cookies does not necessarily delete passwords on CCleaner. Both under Internet Explorer and Windows Explorer on the Index page there is a heading called "Saved Passwords". Unclick those and problem is solved. I have had problems with Amazon in the past and I do not save that password. Yes, it's a PIA to enter it each time but better that than getting hacked. Have a great weekend (lol) tom Thanks, Tom! Have Fun! DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A woman went into a hardware store to purchase a bale of peat moss. She gave a personal check in payment and said to the clerk, "I suppose you will want some identification." He replied, without hesitation, "No ma'am, that won't be necessary." "How come?" asked the woman. "Crooks don't buy peat moss." answered the clerk.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Early in the Civil War, when the Union armies were suffering repeated defeats, Abraham Lincoln was discussing the war situation with his cabinet. "How many men do you estimate are in the Confederate army?" a cabinet member asked. "About a million and a half," said Lincoln. "That many?" said another member. "I thought the number was considerably less." "So did I," said Lincoln, "but every time one of our generals lose a battle, he insists that he was outnumbered three to one - and we have about 500,000 men." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Rain Checks If a store runs out of an item that is on sale, ask them for a rain check. Rain checks allow you to pay the sale price for the item at a later date. If the store can't give you a rain check, take the ad to a competitor to see if they will price match. ____________________________________________________
Photo of one in a million yellow cardinal.
___________________________________________________ The local high school has a policy that the parents must call the school if a student is to be absent for the day. Alice deciding to skip school and go to the mall with her friends. So she waited until her parents had left for work and called the school herself. "Hi, I'm calling to report that Alice is unable to make it to school today because she is ill." Secretary at high school answered, "I'm sorry to hear that. I'll note her absence. Who is this calling please?" "This is my mother." ___________________________________________________ "I'm ashamed of you," the mother said. "Fighting with your best friend is a terrible thing to do!" "He threw a rock at me!" the boy said. "So I threw one at him." The mother stated emphatically, "When he threw a rock at you, you should have come to me." The boy quickly replied, "What good would that have done? My aim is much better than yours." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
After years of his wife's pleading, the rich, good old boy finally went with her to her little local Church on Sunday morning. He was so moved by the preacher's sermon that on the way out he stopped to shake his hand. He said, "Reverend, that was the best damn sermon I ever did hear!" The Preacher replied, "Oh!! Why, thank you sir, but please, I'd appreciate it if you didn't use profanity in the Lord's house." "I'm sorry Reverend, but I can't help myself. It was such a damn good sermon, sir!" "PLEASE, I cannot have you behaving this way in Church!" "Okay Reverend, but I just wanted you to know that I thought it was so damn good, I put $5,000.00 in that there collection box." "HOT DAMN, that's damn generous !" ___________________________________________________

Today March 12 in
1496 Jews were expelled from Syria. 

1609 The Bermuda Islands became an English colony. 

1664 New Jersey became a British colony. King Charles II granted
land in the New World to his brother James (The Duke of York). 

1755 In North Arlington, NJ, the steam engine was used for the
first time in America. 

1809 Britain signed a treaty with Persia forcing the French to
leave the country. 

1857 "Simon Boccanegra" by Verdi debuted in Venice. 

1884 The State of Mississippi authorized the first state-
supported college for women. It was called the Mississippi
Industrial Institute and College. 

1889 Almon B. Stowger applied for a patent for his automatic
telephone system. 

1894 Coca-Cola was sold in bottles for the first time. 

1903 The Czar of Russia issued a decree providing for nominal
freedom of religion throughout his territory. 

1905 In Rome, Premier Giovanni Giolli was forced out of office by
continued civil strife. 

1906 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that corporations must yield
incriminating evidence in anti-trust suits. 

1909 The British Parliament increased naval appropriations for

1909 Three U.S. warships were ordered to Nicaragua to stem the
conflict with El Salvador. 

1911 Dr. Fletcher of Rockefeller Institute discovered the cause
of infantile paralysis. 

1912 The Girl Scout organization was founded. The original name
was Girl Guides. 

1923 Dr. Lee DeForest demonstrated phonofilm. It was his
technique for putting sound on motion picture film. 

1930 Ghandi began his 200-mile march to the sea that symbolized
his defiance of British rule over India. 

1933 President Paul von Hindenburg dropped the flag of the German
Republic and ordered that the swastika and empire banner be
side by side. 

1933 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt presented his first
presidential address to the nation. It was the first of the
"Fireside Chats." 

1935 Parimutuel betting became legal in the State of Nebraska. 

1938 The "Anschluss" took place as German troops entered Austria.

1940 Finland surrendered to Russia ending the Russo-Finnish War. 

1944 Britain barred all travel to Ireland. 

1947 U.S. President Truman established the "Truman Doctrine" to
help Greece and Turkey resist Communism. 

1959 The U.S. House joined the U.S. Senate in approving the
statehood of Hawaii. 

1966 Bobby Hull, of the Chicago Blackhawks, became the first
National Hockey League (NHL) player to score 51 points in a
single season. 

1974 "Wonder Woman" debuted on ABC-TV. The show later went to

1984 Lebanese President Gemayel opened the second meeting in five
years calling for the end to nine-years of war. 

1985 The U.S. and the U.S.S.R. began arms control talks in

1985 Larry Bird (Boston Celtics) scored a club-record 60 points
against the Atlanta Hawks. 

1985 Former U.S. President Richard M. Nixon announced that he
planned to drop Secret Service protection and hire his own
bodyguards in an effort to lower the deficit by $3 million. 

1987 "Les Miserables" opened on Broadway. 

1989 Prime Minister Sadiq al Mahdi of Sudan formed a new cabinet
to end civil war. 

1989 About 2,500 veterans and supporters marched at the Art
Institute of Chicago to demand that officials remove an American
flag placed on the floor as part of an exhibit. 

1992 Mauritius became a republic but remained a member of the
British Commonwealth. 

1993 In the U.S., the Pentagon called for the closure of 31 major
military bases. 

1993 Janet Reno was sworn in as the first female U.S. attorney

1994 A photo by Marmaduke Wetherell of the Loch Ness monster was
confirmed to be a hoax. The photo was taken of a toy submarine
with a head and neck attached. 

1994 The Church of England ordained its first women priests. 

1998 Astronomers cancelled a warning that a mile-wide asteroid
might collide with Earth saying that calculations had been off by
600,000 miles. 

1999 Hungary, Poland and the Czech Republic became members of the
North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO). All three countries
were members of the former Warsaw Pact. 

2002 U.S. homeland security chief Tom Ridge unveiled a color-
coded system for terror warnings. 

2002 Conoco and Phillips Petroleum stockholders approved a
proposed merger worth $15.6 billion. 

2003 In Utah, Elizabeth Smart was reunited with her family nine
months after she was abducted from her home. She had been taken
on June 5, 2002, by a drifter that had previously worked at the
Smart home. 

2003 The U.S. Air Force announced that it would resume
reconnaissance flights off the coast of North Korea. The flights
had stopped on March 2 after an encounter with four armed North
Korean jets. 

2009 It was announced that the Sears Tower in Chicago, IL, would
be renamed Willis Tower. 

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Cookies and passwords 

Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, March 11

In case you didn't notice, now all your clocks are right again!

Today, March 11 in
1888 The "Blizzard of '88" began along the U.S. Atlantic Seaboard
shutting down communication and transportation lines. More than
400 people died.(March 11-14) 
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Globalism is the fashionable word for Global Communism. Don't be fooled! --- Socratex When a true genius appears in this world, you may know him by this sign, that the dunces are all in confederacy against him. --- Jonathan Swift (1667 - 1745) ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Deciding to take up jogging, the middle-aged man was astounded by the wide selection of jogging shoes available at the local sports shoe store. While trying on a basic pair of jogging shoes, he noticed a minor feature and asked the clerk about it: "What's this little pocket thing here on the side for?" "Oh," said the sales clerk, "that's to carry spare change, so you can call your wife to come pick you up when you've jogged too far." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ T-SHIRT PHILOSOPHY The gene pool could use a little chlorine. AOC's IQ test score is back and the results were negative. Consciousness: that annoying time between naps. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up Procrastinate now Rehab is for quitters My dog can lick anyone Party - my crib - two A.M. (on a baby-size shirt) Finally 21, and legally able to do what I've been doing since 15 ______________________________________________________ Serenity Nebula _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Ernest Ray, 55, Pikeville, Kentucky Eastern Kentucky man indicted on multiple sex trafficking charges (pimping minors) U.S. Marshals arrested a Pike County man on sex trafficking charges. Ernest Ray, 55, of Pikeville is facing five counts of sex trafficking of minors. Ray appeared in U.S. District Court Wednesday and is facing the charges ranging between 2010 and 2016. The federal indictment also states that Ray is facing six counts of drug trafficking. Ray was indicted on the charges on February 28th. Ray was taken to the Pike County Detention Center on Tuesday. In court on Wednesday, Ray pleaded not guilty to all charges. A trial date is set for May 13th. If convicted, Ray faces potential life in prison for each of the sex trafficking charges. Pleading "not guilty" and forcing the juveniles to testify the gory details will negate any please for leniency.
From: Charles Re: Cookies and Passwords Dear DearWebby Every time I delete the cookies, all my passwords are gone. Is there a way around that ? Charles Dear Charles That is probably just a setting in your CrapCleaner. It is quite popular to dump cookies and passwords when you go on vacation, and the easiest way to do that is to dump cookies in CrapCleaner. Unless you go away or lend the machine to somebody, just leave the cookies alone. Thay are quite safe nowadays. Have Fun! DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A woman goes to a counselor, worried about her husband's temper. The counselor asks, "What's the problem? The woman says, "I don't know what to do. Every day my husband loses his temper for no reason. It scares me." The Counselor says, "I have a cure for that. When it seems your husband is getting angry, take a double shot of Jack Daniel's and swish it in your mouth. Swish and swish, but don't swallow until he either leaves the room or calms down." Two weeks later, she goes back to the counselor, looking fresh and reborn. She tells the counselor, "That was a brilliant idea. Every time my husband started to get angry, I swished the Jack. I swished and swished, and he calmed down. How does swishing Jack Daniel's in your mouth do that? The counselor said, "The Jack Daniel's does nothing. Keeping your mouth shut is the trick.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Thanks to Annett for this story: A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't follow my instructions carefully, your husband will surely die. "Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. "Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Do not nag him. Most importantly, make love to him regularly. "If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, your husband will regain his health completely. If not, he will die in six months." On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?" "He said you're going to die in six months," she replied ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Organizing Children's Outfits If you have young children who are just learning how to dress themselves, try organizing clothing by outfit. For example, hang a pair of slacks and a matching shirt in the closet together. That way your child can just choose an outfit and get dressed. ____________________________________________________
Have you ever felt homesick for a place you've never been? Click on the link to read about the places some feel homesick for.
___________________________________________________ The sense of freshness... A new supermarket opened in Montgomery, AL. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain. When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh mown hay. In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with onions. When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle. The air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying. The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread & cookies. I don't buy toilet paper there any more. ___________________________________________________ Thanks to Connie for this story: A woman gives birth to a baby, and afterwards, the doctor comes in, and he says, "I have to tell you something about your baby." The woman sits up in bed and says, "What's wrong with my baby, Doctor? What's wrong???" The doctor says, "Well, now, nothing's wrong, exactly, but your baby is a little bit different. Your baby is a hermaphrodite." The woman says, "A hermaphrodite... what's that???" The doctor says, "Well, it means your baby has features... of a male and a female." The woman turns pale. She says, "Oh my god! You mean it has a penis... AND a brain?" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A man stopped at a florist shop after work to pick up roses for his wife. As the clerk was putting on the finishing touches on bouquet, another man burst through the door, breathlessly requesting a dozen red roses. "I'm sorry," the clerk said. "This man just bought our last bunch." The desperate customer turned to the other man and begged, "May I please have those roses?" "What happened?" the first man asked. "Did you forget your wedding anniversary?" "It's even worse than that," the second man confided. "I crashed my wife's computer!" ___________________________________________________

Today March 11 in
537 The Goths began their siege on Rome. 

1302 The characters Romeo and Juliet were married this day
according to William Shakespeare. 

1649 The peace of Rueil was signed between the Frondeurs (rebels)
and the French government. 

1665 A new legal code was approved for the Dutch and English
towns, guaranteeing religious observances unhindered. 

1791 Samuel Mulliken became the first person to receive more than
one patent from the U.S. Patent Office. 

1810 The Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte was married by proxy to
Archduchess Marie Louise of Austria. That got him Austria and

1824 The U.S. War Department created the Bureau of Indian
Affairs. Seneca Indian Ely Parker became the first Indian to lead
the Bureau. 

1845 Seven hundred Maoris led by their chief, Hone-Heke, burned
the small town of Kororareka. The act was in protest to the
settlement of Maoriland by Europeans, which was a breach of the
1840 Treaty of Waitangi. 

1861 A Confederate Convention was held in Montgomery, Alabama,
where a new constitution was adopted. 

1865 Union General William Sherman and his forces occupied
Fayetteville, NC. 

1867 In Hawaii, the volcano Great Mauna Loa erupted. 

1888 The "Blizzard of '88" began along the U.S. Atlantic Seaboard
shutting down communication and transportation lines. More than
400 people died.(March 11-14) 

1900 British Prime Minister Lord Salisbury rejected the peace
overtures offered from the Boer leader Paul Kruger. 

1901 Britain rejected an amended treaty to the canal agreement
with Nicaragua. 

1901 U.S. Steel was formed when industrialist J.P. Morgan
purchased Carnegie Steel Corp. The event made Andrew Carnegie the
world's richest man. 

1904 After 30 years of drilling, the north tunnel under the
Hudson River was holed through. The link was between Jersey City,
NJ, and New York, NY. 

1905 The Parisian subway was officially inaugurated. 

1907 U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt induced California to
revoke its anti-Japanese legislation. 

1907 In Bulgaria, Premier Nicolas Petkov was killed by an

1930 Babe Ruth signed a two-year contract with the New York
Yankees for the sum of $80,000. 

1930 U.S. President Howard Taft became the first U.S. president
to be buried in the National Cemetery in Arlington, VA. 

1935 The German Air Force became an official department of the

1941 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt authorized the Lend-
Lease Act, which authorized the act of providing war supplies to
the Allies. 

1946 Communists and Nationalists began fighting as the Soviets
pulled out of Mukden, Manchuria. 

1946 Pravda denounced Winston Churchill as anti-Soviet and a

1947 The DuMont network aired "Movies For Small Fry." It was
network television's first successful children's program. 

1964 U.S. Senator Carl Hayden broke the record for continuous
service in the U.S. Senate. He had worked 37 years and seven

1965 The American navy began inspecting Vietnamese junks in an
effort to end arms smuggling to the South. 

1969 Levi-Strauss started selling bell-bottomed jeans. 

1978 Bobby Hull (Winnipeg Jets) joined Gordie Howe by getting his
1,000th career goal. 

1985 Mikhail Gorbachev was named the new chairman of the Soviet
Communist Party. 

1986 Popsicle announced its plan to end the traditional twin-
stick frozen treat for a one-stick model. 

1988 A cease-fire was declared in the war between Iran and Iraq. 

1990 Lithuania declared its independence from the Soviet Union.
It was the first Soviet republic to break away from Communist

1990 In Chile, Patricio Aylwin was sworn in as the first
democratically elected president since 1973. 

1992 Former U.S. President Nixon said that the Bush
administration was not giving enough economic aid to Russia. 

1993 Janet Reno was unanimously confirmed by the U.S. Senate to
become the first female attorney general. 

1993 North Korea withdrew from the Nuclear Non-Proliferation
Treaty refusing to open sites for inspection. 

1994 In Chile, Eduardo Frei was sworn in as President. It was the
first peaceful transfer of power in Chile since 1970. 

1997 An explosion at a nuclear waste reprocessing plant caused 35
workers to be exposed to low levels of radioactivity. The
incident was the worst in Japan's history. 

1998 The International Astronomical Union issued an alert that
said that a mile-wide asteroid could come very close to, and
possibly hit, Earth on Oct. 26, 2028. The next day NASA's Jet
Propulsion Laboratory announced that there was no chance the
asteroid would hit Earth. 

2002 Two columns of light were pointed skyward from ground zero
in New York as a temporary memorial to the victims of the
terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001. 

2019  smiled.

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W10 Hyperlinks not working for Eudora 

Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, March 10

Today, March 10 in
1910 Slavery was abolished in China. 
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I can believe anything, provided that it is quite incredible. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) Globalism is the fashionable word for Global Communism. Don't be fooled! --- Socratex ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Nancy: Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump, and Justin Trudeau all die and wind up in hell. While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The Devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth. Putin calls Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he was finished the Devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a cheque.. Next Donald Trump calls the U.S. and talks for 30 minutes. When he's finished the Devil informs him that the cost is 6 million dollars, so Trump writes him a cheque. Finally Trudeau has his turn and calls Canada for 4 hours. When he's finished, the Devil informs him that there would be No charge and to feel free to call Canada anytime. Putin and Trump go ballistic and ask the Devil why Trudeau got to call Canada for free. The Devil replied, " Since Justin Trudeau became Prime Minister of Canada, the country has gone to Hell, so it's a local call! _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ To pass the time while our plane was being de-iced, the flight attendants played a trivia game with the passengers. They asked us to guess the total number of years the three of them had worked for the airlines. After an attendant collected our estimates, we heard the announcement: "The correct answer is 26 years. For the two people who came closest with 28 years, we have prizes. And for the passenger in seat 12F who guessed 85 years, would you please step off the plane once we are airborne." ______________________________________________________ Have you ever seen a bear tree? _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Billy Wethington, Louisville, Kentucky Where's the beef? Frankfort man accused of taking $75,000 worth of beef tenderloin A Kentucky man is accused of stealing more than $75,000 of beef tenderloin over several months. News outlets report 42-year-old Billy Wethington was arrested in Louisville on Friday and charged with theft by unlawful taking. Police say Wethington worked at an undisclosed business. During each shift, they say, he's accused of shoving eight to 10 beef tenderloins into a garbage bag and putting it in his vehicle. An arrest citation says Wethington was captured on surveillance video stealing the beef. Court records show the business lost more than $75,000 and up to $100,000 over the course of eight months. The newspaper says police didn't initially reveal what Wethington did with the beef that he's accused of stealing. It's unclear if Wethington has a lawyer who could comment.
From: Bill Re: Hyperlinks in Eudora Dear DearWebby I had another computer crash, that's the fifth since installing W10 in October, 2018. After reinstalling my programs, hyperlinks in Eudora 7 do not open in Fifefox. I have two questions: 1) How can I check for hardware problems such as motherboard. 2) How can I get the hyperlinks to work. All the best. Bill Dear Bill That is not a hardware problem. You had a 3 month grace period to revert to W7, but that is over. The hyperlinks in Eudora have worked since about 1989. No change there. Check in the Control panel, Default programs, and make sure FireFox is selected as the default program for hyper links and web pages, and not some wacky stuff like Bing or Bling or Safari or Opera or IE or Edge or the Chinesse clone of IE: Maxthon. Sure, you COULD use Chrome or any of those, but you need to install them first. I use Chrome and am quite happy with it. It is similar to FireFox but of course the settings are all shuffled around, as is common with modern programs. They don't want to get sued for copyright infringement. The program does the same stuff ever since Netscape, but the customization settings are not in the same order. You still drive the same old car, but use different gloves. Make sure Firefox, or any actually installed program is selected. Eudora does not specify which browser to use. It just yells BROWSER and Windoze then looks in the control panel and opens whichever browser is specified in there. Have Fun! DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Our manager at the restaurant where I worked was a much beloved, jovial man. But there was one subject you didn't dare discuss in front of him -- his height. Or, should I say, his lack of it. One day, he stormed through the door and announced angrily, "Someone just picked my pocket!" Most of my fellow waitresses and I were speechless, except for the one who blurted out, "How could anyone stoop so low?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
TWO ELDERLY WOMEN were trying on shoes in our store. When I slipped a shoe onto one woman's foot, the end of my tie got caught beneath her heel. Unaware of my predicament, she stood up and started toward the mirror. For a few seconds, I found myself crawling along the floor beside her, trying to get her attention. "Look, Martha," her friend said. "He wants to go home with you!" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from It will spread out the moisture more evenly. Or, toss wrinkled clothing into a dryer with a damp towel for a few minutes before ironing. Instead of using the sprayer in your iron, use a spray bottle. A spray bottle on mist offers you much more control when applying water. ____________________________________________________
___________________________________________________ FIVE YEARS AFTER my wife, Bridgid, and I were married, we received our final wedding gift -- an ice-cream maker. In an attempt to cover procrastination with humor, the friend who sent it included a note: "I wanted to make sure the marriage would last." Bridgid wasn't amused, but she thought the present deserved a thank-you note anyway, which she dutifully sent five years later. Her note read: "I wanted to be sure the ice-cream maker would last." ___________________________________________________ A police officer was investigating an accident on a two-lane, narrow road in which the drivers had hit virtually head-on. One driver, an extremely elderly woman, kept repeating, "He wouldn't let me have my half of the road!" After gathering as much information as possible, he approached the other driver, who was examining his own damage. The police officer asked, "That old lady says that you wouldn't let her have her half of the road. Why not?" In exasperation, the man turns from his smashed car and says, "Officer, I would have been HAPPY to give her half of the road -- - if she had just let me know WHICH half she wanted!!!!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
I was golfing with a soldier who had just returned from Afghanistan. His plans included becoming a greens keeper once he was discharged in a few months. He applied to a local college for its golf course superintendent program, but the department chair worried that he might not be up for the job. "It's stressful," he said. "You have to fight the weather, insects and demanding club members." "Will anyone be shooting at me while I mow the grass?" asked the soldier. "Of course not." "I'll take the job." ___________________________________________________

Today March 10 in
0241 BC The Roman fleet sank 50 Carthaginian ships in the Battle
of Aegusa. Most of the Roman ships were privateers, owned by

1496 Christopher Columbus concluded his second visit to the
Western Hemisphere when he left Hispaniola for Spain. 

1629 England's King Charles I dissolved Parliament and did not
call it back for 11 years. 

1656 In the American colony of Virginia, suffrage was extended to
all free men regardless of their religion. 

1785 Thomas Jefferson was appointed minister to France. He
succeeded Benjamin Franklin. 

1792 John Stone patented the pile driver. 

1804 The formal ceremonies transferring the Louisiana Purchase
from France to the U.S. took place in St. Louis. 

1806 The Dutch in Cape Town, South Africa surrendered to the

1814 In France, Napoleon Bonaparte was defeated by a combined
Allied Army at the battle of Laon. 

1848 The U.S. Senate ratified the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo,
which ended the war with Mexico. 

1849 Abraham Lincoln applied for a patent for a device to lift
vessels over shoals by means of inflated cylinders. 

1864 Ulysses S. Grant became commander of the Union armies in the
U.S. Civil War. 

1876 Alexander Graham Bell made the first successful call with
the telephone. He spoke the words "Mr. Watson, come here, I want
to see you." 

1880 The Salvation Army arrived in the U.S. from England. 

1893 New Mexico State University canceled its first graduation
ceremony because the only graduate was robbed and killed the
night before. 

1894 New York Gov. Roswell P. Flower signed the nation's first
dog-licensing law. 

1902 The Boers of South Africa scored their last victory over the
British, when they captured British General Methuen and 200 men.

1902 Tochangri, Turkey, was entirely wiped out by an earthquake. 

1902 U.S. Attorney General Philander Knox announced that a suit
was being brought against Morgan and Harriman's Northern
Securities Company. The suit was enforcement of the Sherman
Antitrust Act. Northern Securities loss in court was upheld by
the U.S. Supreme Court on March 14, 1904. 

1903 Harry C. Gammeter patented the multigraph duplicating

1903 In New York's harbor, the disease-stricken ship Karmania was
quarantined with six dead from cholera. 

1906 In France, 1,200 miners were buried in an explosion at

1909 Britain extracted territorial concessions from Siam and

1910 Slavery was abolished in China. 

1912 China became a republic after the overthrow of the Manchu
Ch'ing Dynasty. 

1924 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld a New York state law
forbidding late-night work for women. 

1927 Prussia lifted its Nazi ban allowing Adolf Hitler to speak
in public. 

1933 Nevada became the first U.S. state to regulate drugs. 

1941 The Brooklyn Dodgers announced that their players would
begin wearing batting helmets during the 1941 season. 

1941 Vichy France threatened to use its navy unless Britain
allowed food to reach France. 

1944 The Irish refused to oust all Axis envoys and denied the
accusation of spying on Allied troops. 

1945 American B-29 bombers attacked Tokyo, Japan, 100,000 were

1947 The Big Four met in Moscow to discuss the future of Germany.

1947 Poland and Czechoslovakia signed a 20-year mutual aid pact. 

1949 Nazi wartime broadcaster Mildred E. Gillars, also known as
"Axis Sally," was convicted in Washington, DC. Gillars was
convicted of treason and served 12 years in prison. 

1953 North Korean gunners at Wonsan fired upon the USS Missouri.
The ship responded by firing 998 rounds at the enemy position. 
They almost hit them!

1956 Julie Andrews at the age of 23 made her TV debut in "High
Tor" with Bing Crosby and Nancy Olson. 

1966 The North Vietnamese captured a Green Beret camp at Ashau

1966 France withdrew from NATO's military command to protest U.S.
dominance of the alliance and asked NATO to move its
from Paris. 

1969 James Earl Ray pled guilty in Memphis, TN, to the
assassination of Martin Luther King Jr. Ray later repudiated the
guilty plea and maintained his innocence until his death in April
of 1998. 

1971 The U.S. Senate approved an amendment to lower the voting
age to 18. 

1975 The North Vietnamese Army attacked the South Vietnamese town
of Ban Me Thout. 

1980 Iran's leader, Ayatollah Khomeini, lent his support to the
militants holding American hostages in Tehran. 

1982 The U.S. banned Libyan oil imports due to their continued
support of terrorism. 

1986 The Wrigley Company, of Chicago, raised the price of its
seven-stick pack of Wrigley’s chewing gum from a quarter to 30

1987 The Vatican condemned surrogate parenting as well as test-
tube and artificial insemination. 

1990 Haitian President Prosper Avril was ousted 18 months after
seizing power in a coup. 

1991 "Phase Echo" began. It was the operation to withdraw 540,000
U.S. troops from the Persian Gulf region. 

1994 White House officials began testifying before a federal
grand jury about the Whitewater controversy. 

1995 U.S. Secretary of State Warren Christopher told Yasser
Arafat that he must do more to curb Palestinian terrorists. 

1998 U.S. troops in the Persian Gulf began receiving the first
vaccinations against anthrax. 

2002 The Associated Press reported that the Pentagon informed the
U.S. Congress in January that it was making contingency plans
the possible use of nuclear weapons against countries that
threaten the U.S. with weapons of mass destruction, including
Iraq and North Korea. 

2003 North Korea test-fired a short-range missile. The event was
one of several in a pattern of unusual military maneuvers.

2019  smiled.

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My Anti-Virus recommendation 

Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, March 9

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Today, March 9 in
1975 Work began on the Alaskan oil pipeline. 
It still works just fine, and bears love walking on it.
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Invention is the mother of necessity. --- Thorstein Veblen (1857 - 1929) ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A guy was setting on his porch, when a young man walked up with a pad and pencil in his hand. "What are you selling young man?" the guy asked. "I'm not selling anything," the young man said. "I'm the Census Taker." "The what?" the man asked. "A Census Taker. We are trying to find out how many people are in the United States." "Well," the man said, "you're wasting your time with me, I lost track of that number ages ago!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Fresh out of Army parachute school, I was about to make the first jump with my new outfit, the elite 82nd Airborne Division and I was scared. I had heard the stories about rookie jumpers who had been summarily banished from the division when their nerve failed. As soon as the green light came on, the jump master screamed, "Stand up!" but my body wouldn't obey. Then the veteran next to me came to my rescue. A look of utter contempt on his face, he took the action that enabled me to rise: he unsnapped my seat belt. ______________________________________________________ Hungry Man Dinner Tonight _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Braulio Mata, 31, Jose Garcia, 44, Ramon Aracena Alfe, 47, Dionell Duarte Hernandez,32, Yarly Mendoza-Delorbe, 20 ARDSLEY, Westchester County, New York DEA Targets Alleged Drug Mill, Walks Out with Enough Drugs To Kill 2 Million People A law enforcement raid of a residential home in Westchester County, New York, on Friday resulted in the seizure of enough fentanyl to kill about 2 million people, ABC News reported. The Drug Enforcement Agency’s Tactical Diversion Squad and local police “executed a search warrant” in the home, which authorities believe functioned as “an elaborate heroin and fentanyl mill,” according to News 12 Westchester. Law enforcement discovered 6 kilos of heroin and 5 kilos of fentanyl. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention says fentanyl, a synthetic opioid, is “50 times more potent than heroin and 100 times more potent than morphine.” entanyl is often added to heroin, cocaine and counterfeit prescription pills without the user’s knowledge, leading to overdose deaths. The suspects arrested in the raid included Braulio Mata, Jose Garcia, Ramon Aracena Alfe, Dionell Duarte Hernandez and Yarly Mendoza-Delorbe, officials told WABC. “The five face charges ranging from conspiracy and possession of heroin and fentanyl to resisting arrest,” News 12 said. The home’s landlord told WABC he rented the house in December to a Bronx couple. The landlord claimed he had no idea about any alleged illegal activity. Neighbors told News 12 the area is normally quiet, and they were surprised to hear about the alleged drug mill. “However, they say they did notice cars coming and going,” News 12 reported. “The fentanyl alone has the potency to kill nearly over two million people,” said Ray Donovan, special agent in charge of the DEA’s New York division, according to ABC News. “I commend the men and women in the Task Force and Tactical Diversion Squad for their quick and efficient investigation into this organization and their diligence to the safety of the residents living nearby,” Donovan said. The “raid was conducted by a task force that included the DEA, Westchester County police, Orangetown police, the Rockland County Sheriff’s Office, Yonkers police, and the Putnam County Sheriff’s Department,” ABC News noted.
>From Gyppo Dear Webby. Re Hank who has lost his browser passwords and has to keep signing in. It may be that he has recently started using CCleaner. If it's still on the default settings it will wipe all his cookies and he'll have to re-enter passwords each time. No problem to re-enter if you only visit a few password protected sites, but a bummer if you have a whole raft of them suddenly acting as if they've never seen you before. Gyppo From: Ann Re: Anti Virus Dear DearWebby I have been running AVG free addition and you likely know they now want us to pay $55.00 Us for it...If I am going to pay, and I'm willing to pay, can you tell me the best protection to pay for? Is the new AGV worth the price ? Thanks, as always for your excellant advice...I can't "click on" with out Hugs Ann Dear Ann I use MalwareBytes on all Webby machines. It takes care of any and all Malware. Aside from that I just use an ancient FREE Spybot0Search&Destroy, about once every second year. I don't like the new version, but the ancient version is just fine. That's it. Nothing else. Anything else just slows things down. Have Fun! DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
After the service a woman went to the preacher, "Pastor, I hope you don't take it personal that my husband walked out during your sermon." "Oh, I'm so glad you told me that, because it upset me terribly," said the preacher. "What caused him to leave, if I may ask?" "Oh he's walked in his sleep since he was a child."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A burglar broke into the house of a Quaker in the middle of the night and started to rob it. The Quaker heard the noise and went downstairs with his shotgun. When he found the burglar he pointed his gun at him and said most gently, "Friend, I mean thee no harm, but thou standest where I am about to shoot!" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Mending Holes in Screens If you have a hole in a screen door or window screen, you can mend it just like you mend a piece of clothing. Just stitch the hole shut using fine nylon thread or wire that matches the color of the screen. If it is too big to repair, you can replace the entire screen. ____________________________________________________
___________________________________________________ A guy is real drunk and gets home real late. Trying to avoid the little woman, he parks a block away from his home. He takes off his shoes as he walks up the stairs, careful not to make a noise. He quietly opens the door and tiptoes into the room, when BAM, he gets hit with a cast iron frying pan. Telling the story to a friend the next day at the local watering hole, his best friend sadly shakes his head and says: "Boy are you ignert! Now here's how I do it. When I get rip roaring drunk I go borry my buds low rider Harley and go screamin up and down my block a couple of times a hootin and a hollerin. I take the Harley raht up on the porch and then start screamin and a cussin. I slam open the door and scream, 'Hohney, Ah'm home! Let's get it on!' And you know what's amazin'? My wife is always sound asleep!!!" ___________________________________________________ "Get this," said the bloke to his mates. "Last night while I was down the pub with you guys, a burglar broke into my house." "Did he get anything?" his mates asked. "Yeah, a broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken nuts. My wife thought it was me coming home drunk." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged, but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk said he had some very good news for him. "Guess what, sir?" the clerk said. "I finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we've had so long!" "Do you mean that repulsive pink-and-blue double-breasted thing?" the manager asked. "That's the one!" "That's great!" the manager cried, "I thought we'd never get rid of that monstrosity! That had to be the ugliest suit we've ever had! But tell me. Why is your hand bandaged?" "Oh," the clerk replied, "after I sold the guy that suit, his seeing-eye guide dog bit me." ___________________________________________________

Today March 9 in
1454 Amerigo Vespucci was born in Florence, Italy. Matthias
Ringmann, a German mapmaker, named the American continent in his

1617 The Treaty of Stolbovo ended the occupation of Northern
Russia by Swedish troops. 

1734 The Russians took Danzig (Gdansk) in Poland. 

1745 The first carillon was shipped from England to Boston, MA. 

1793 Jean Pierre Blanchard made the first balloon flight in North
America. The event was witnessed by U.S. President George

1796 Napoleon Bonaparte and Josephine de Beauharnais were
married. They were divorced in 1809. 

1799 The U.S. Congress contracted with Simeon North, of Berlin,
CT, for 500 horse pistols at the price of $6.50 each. 

1812 Swedish Pomerania was seized by Napoleon. 

1820 The U.S. Congress passed the Land Act that paved the way for
westward expansion of North America. 

1822 Charles M. Graham received the first patent for artificial

1832 Abraham Lincoln announced that he would run for a political
office for the first time. He was unsuccessful in his run for a
seat in the Illinois state legislature. 

1839 The French Academy of Science announced the Daguerreotype
photo process. 

1858 Albert Potts was awarded a patent for the letter box. 

1859 The National Association of Baseball Players adopted the
rule that limited the size of bats to no more than 2-1/2 inches
in diameter. 

1860 The first Japanese ambassador to the U.S. was appointed. 

1862 During the U.S. Civil War, the ironclads Monitor and
Virginia (built from the remnants of the USS Merrimack fought to
a draw in a five-hour battle at Hampton Roads, Virginia. 

1863 General Ulysses Grant was appointed commander-in-chief of
the Union forces. 

1897 A patent was issued to William Spinks and William Hoskins
for cue chalk. 

1900 In Germany, women petition Reichstag for the right to take
university entrance exams. 

1905 In Egypt, U.S. archeologist Davies discovered the royal
tombs of Tua and Yua. 

1905 In Manchuria, Japanese troops surrounded 200,000 Russian
troops that were retreating from Mudken. 

1905 In Congo, Belgian Vice Gov. Costermans committed suicide
following an investigation of colonial policy. 

1906 In the Philippines, fifteen Americans and 600 Moros were
killed in the last two days of fighting. 

1909 The French National Assembly passed an income tax bill. 

1910 Union men urged for a national sympathy strike for miners in

1911 The funding for five new battleships was added to the
British military defense budget. 

1916 Mexican raiders led by Pancho Villa attacked Columbus, New
Mexico. 17 people were killed by the 1,500 horsemen. 

1929 Eric Krenz became the first athlete to toss the discus over
160 feet. 

1932 Eamon De Valera was elected president of the Irish Free
State and pledged to abolish all loyalty to the British Crown. 

1933 The U.S. Congress began its 100 days of enacting New Deal

1936 The German press warned that all Jews who vote in the
upcoming elections would be arrested. 

1945 "Those Websters" debuted on CBS radio. 

1945 During World War II, U.S. B-29 bombers launched incendiary
bomb attacks against Japan. 

1946 The A.F.L. accused Juan Peron of using the army to establish
a dictatorship over Argentine labor. 

1949 The first all-electric dining car was placed in service on
the Illinois Central Railroad. 

1954 WNBT-TV (now WNBC-TV), in New York, broadcast the first
local color television commercials. The ad was Castro Decorators
of New York City. (New York) 

1956 British authorities arrested and deported Archbishop
Makarios from Cyprus. He was accused of supporting terrorists. 

1957 Egyptian leader Nasser barred U.N. plans to share the tolls
for the use of the Suez Canal. 

1959 Mattel introduced Barbie at the annual Toy Fair in New York.

1964 Production began on the first Ford Mustang. 

1965 The first U.S. combat troops arrived in South Vietnam. 

1967 Svetlana Alliluyeva, Josef Stalin's daughter defected to the
United States. 

1975 Work began on the Alaskan oil pipeline. 

1975 Iraq launched an offensive against the rebel Kurds. 

1977 About a dozen armed Hanafi Muslims invaded three buildings
in Washington, DC. They killed one person and took more than 130
hostages. The siege ended two days later. 

1983 The official Soviet news agency TASS says that U.S.
President Reagan is full of "bellicose lunatic anti-communism." 

1985 "Gone With The Wind" went on sale in video stores across the
U.S. for the first time. 

1986 U.S. Navy divers found the crew compartment of the space
shuttle Challenger along with the remains of the astronauts. 

1987 Chrysler Corporation offered to buy American Motors

1989 In Maylasia, 30 Asian nations conferred on the issue of
"boat people." 

1989 In the U.S., a strike forced Eastern Airlines into

1989 In the U.S., President George H.W. Bush urged for a
mandatory death penalty in drug-related killings. 

1990 Dr. Antonia Novello was sworn in as the first female and
Hispanic surgeon general. 

1993 Rodney King testified at the federal trial of four Los
Angeles police officers accused of violating his civil rights.

1995 The Canadian Navy arrested a Spanish trawler for illegally
fishing off of Newfoundland. 

2000 In Norway, the coalition government of Kjell Magne Bondevik
resigned as a result of an environmental dispute. 

2011 Illinois Governor Pat Quinn signed legislation that
abolished the death penalty in his state. 

2019  smiled.

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When browser forgets passwords 

Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, March 8
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Thank you Claude!

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Today, March 8 in
1917 Russia's "February Revolution" began with rioting and
strikes in St. Petersburg. The revolution was called the
"February Revolution" due to Russia's use of the Old Style
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
All generalizations are dangerous, even this one. --- Alexandre Dumas (1802 - 1870) [Detractors] are just wrong, and that's okay. They just don't see it yet. That's what I would tell myself to keep those moments of doubt, only moments. ---Lisa Kudrow, Vasser Commencement Address, 2010 ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A woman drove a minivan filled with a dozen screaming kids through the mall parking lot, looking for a space. Obviously frazzled, she coasted through a stop sign. "Hey, lady," shouted a man in another car, "don't you know when to stop?" She rolled down her window and screamed at him, "What makes you think these are all mine?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A couple invites a group of friends to dinner. As they sit down at the table, the wife turns to their 6-year-old daughter and says, "Would you like to say the blessing?" "I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replies. "Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answers. The daughter bows her head and says, "Lord, why on earth did I invite these ungrateful bums to dinner?" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Ayub Abdulrahman, Orange County, Floriduh Man throws Molotov cocktails at his own vehicle inside Orange County impound lot An Orange County man is under arrest after allegedly throwing Molotov cocktails at his own vehicle inside of an impound lot, according to an arrest report. "He came back and started throwing gas cocktail bombs over the fence on his own car," said car lot owner Darnell Adams. An arrest report says the suspect, Ayub Abdulrahman, came to get his car back after it was impounded and set it on fire instead. Adams said he was going to hand over the keys because Abdulrahman had already paid almost $300 to get this car out of the impound lot, but instead of it going home the burned-out car was stuck behind crime scene tape. Adams said he was bringing Abdulrahman his keys when surveillance cameras caught him throwing several fire bombs at the vehicle. “Everything is on camera and I showed it to the cops,” Adams said. “I mean it's just clear as day, throwing like three, four, five gas bombs over the fence.” Deputies asked WFTV not to show the rest of this video while they're in the early stages of the investigation. But the surveillance video shows exactly what Adams described. “I didn't even own it anymore. He was getting it out,” Adams said. “20 minutes. If he had waited twenty minutes, he would've been able to drive away in his car.” Adams said he was coming around the corner with the keys and saw Abdulrahman running away. He chased after him until deputies to made an arrest. Adams said his mechanic was able to put the fire out with an extinguisher. “What if he would've came back later and tried to finish the job and all my cars catch on fire?” Adams said. Adams said he's especially grateful the scene is just contained to the one car. “We got a paint shop in the back so it's a lot of flammable materials and he could've harmed a lot of people over here,” Adams said. Deputies said the State Fire Marshal's Office is investigating the incident.
From: Hank Re: Browser forgets passwords Dear DearWebby Dear Webby; I thoroughly enjoy your daily humor letter. Lately, I have to sign in to every page that has a password to enteer. I have W10. Is this a new MS update improvement? Thanks for your help. Keep up the good work. hank Dear Hank There are no Microsoft "Improvements". The Humor Letter is not passworded. It is just a wide open public page. Anything else depends on your browser settings. If you have traditionally set your browser to remember passwords, and then accidentally took that off, then you have to find out how to put it back on. The way to do that is, of course, different for each browser. Find out which browser you are using, then check the settings. That might be rather tedious, and you will probably find the answer easier by googling for that browser's privacy settings. For Chrome, for example, the info is here: Choose your privacy settings Have Fun! DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
An investment counselor decided to go out on her own. Business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized that she needed an in-house counsel. She began to interview young lawyers. "As I'm sure you can understand," she started off with one of the first applicants, "in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question." She leaned forward. "Mr. Peterson, are you an honest lawyer?" "Honest?" replied the job prospect. "Let me tell you something about honest. Why, I'm so honest that my father lent me $15,000 for my education, and I paid back every penny the minute I finished my very first case." "Impressive. And what sort of case was that?" The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted, "He sued me for the money."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The other night Kyle, 9, and and his mother were watching a commercial about Father's Day. Christal asked Kyle, "When you grow up, are you going to have children?" He immediately replied, "Yep!" Christal decided to have fun with him, so she added, "You know, you have to kiss a girl to have children." Kyle thought for a moment and then looked at his mother and said very seriously, "I'll adopt." -- ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Sap on Your Car Walter arrived at his office late one morning and was greeted with giggles from the pretty young receptionist. "What are you laughing at?" asked Walter. "There's a big black smudge on your face," said the girl. "Oh, that!" said Walter. "That's easy to explain. I saw my wife off on a month's vacation this morning; I took her to the station and kissed her good-bye." "But what about the smudge?" "As soon as she got on board, I ran up and kissed the engine." ____________________________________________________
How aircraft carriers work.
___________________________________________________ >From Millard During my stay at an expensive hotel in New York City, I woke up in the middle of the night with an upset stomach. I called room service and ordered some soda crackers. When I looked at the charge slip, I was furious. I called room service and raged, "Hey, I know I'm in a luxury hotel, but $11.50 for six crackers borders on the ridiculous!" "The crackers are complimentary," the voice at the other end coolly explained. "I believe, sir, you are complaining about your room number." ___________________________________________________ The pastor of a church began his sermon with this story: "I was on a plane last week, flying from Chicago to California, when we ran into some very severe turbulence. As it got worse, the passengers became more and more alarmed, and eventually even the flight attendants began to look concerned. Finally, one of them noticed that I had 'Rev.' in front of my name on the passenger list, came over to me, and said, 'Sir, this is really frightening. Do you suppose you could...I don't something religious?'" "So I took up a collection." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A rabbi is riding in a cab when they see a guy kicking a woman who's lying on the sidewalk. The cabbie zooms over, jumps out, and runs to help the lady. The rabbi rolls down the window, and starts yelling, "Stop it! Stop it! Stop the meter!" ___________________________________________________

Today March 8 in
1618 Johann Kepler discovered the third Law of Planetary Motion. 

1702 England's Queen Anne took the throne upon the death of King
William III. 

1782 The Gnadenhutten massacre took place. About 90 Indians were
killed by militiamen in Ohio in retaliation for raids carried out
by other Indians. 

1855 A train passed over the first railway suspension bridge at
Niagara Falls, NY. 

1862 The Confederate ironclad "Merrimack" was launched. 

1880 U.S. President Rutherford B. Hayes declared that the United
States would have jurisdiction over any canal built across the
isthmus of Panama. 

1887 The telescopic fishing rod was patented by Everett Horton. 

1894 A dog license law was enacted in the state of New York. It
was the first animal control law in the U.S. 

1904 The Bundestag in Germany lifted the ban on the Jesuit order
of priests. 

1905 In Russia, it was reported that the peasant revolt was
spreading to Georgia. 

1907 The British House of Commons turned down a women's suffrage

1909 Pope Pius X lifted the church ban on interfaith marriages in

1910 In France, Baroness de Laroche became the first woman to
obtain a pilot's license. 

1910 The King of Spain authorized women to attend universities. 

1911 In Europe, International Women's Day was celebrated for the
first time. 

1911 British Minister of Foreign Affairs Edward Gray declared
that Britain would not support France in the event of a military

1917 Russia's "February Revolution" began with rioting and
strikes in St. Petersburg. The revolution was called the
"February Revolution" due to Russia's use of the Old Style

1917 The U.S. Senate voted to limit filibusters by adopting the
cloture rule. 

1921 Spanish Premier Eduardo Dato was assassinated while leaving
the Parliament in Madrid. 

1921 French troops occupied Dusseldorf. 

1933 Self-liquidating scrip money was issued for the first time
at Franklin, IN. 

1941 Martial law was proclaimed in Holland in order to extinguish
any anti-Nazi protests. 

1942 During World War II, Japanese forces captured Rangoon,

1943 Japanese forces attacked American troops on Hill 700 in
Bougainville. The battle lasted five days. 

1945 Phyllis Mae Daley received a commission in the U.S. Navy
Nurse Corps. She later became the first African-American nurse to
serve duty in World War II. 

1946 In New York City, the "Journal American" became the first
commercial business to receive a helicopter license. 

1946 The French naval fleet arrived at Haiphong, Vietnam. 

1948 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that religious instruction in
public schools was unconstitutional. 

1953 A census bureau report indicated that 239,000 farmers had
quit farming over the last 2 years. 

1954 France and Vietnam opened talks in Paris on a treaty to form
the state of Indochina. 

1959 Groucho, Chico and Harpo made their final TV appearance

1961 Max Conrad circled the globe in a record time of eight days,
18 hours and 49 minutes in the Piper Aztec. 

1965 The U.S. landed about 3,500 Marines in South Vietnam. They
were the first U.S. combat troops to land in Vietnam. 

1966 Australia announced that it would triple the number of
troops in Vietnam. 

1973 Two bombs exploded near Trafalgar Square in Great Britain.
234 people were injured. 

1982 The U.S. accused the Soviets of killing 3,000 Afghans with
poison gas. 

1985 The Internal Revenue Service (IRS) reported that 407,700
Americans were millionaires. That was more than double the total
from just five years before. 

1986 Four French television crewmembers were abducted in west
Beirut. All four were eventually released. 

1988 In Fort Campbell, KY, 17 U.S. soldiers were killed when two
Army helicopters collided in midair. 

1989 In Lhasa, Tibet, martial law was declared after three days
of protest against Chinese rule. 

1999 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the conviction of Timothy
McVeigh for the bombing of a federal building in Oklahoma City in

1999 The White House, under President Bill Clinton, directed the
firing of nuclear scientist Wen Ho Lee from his job at the Los
Alamos National Laboratory. The firing was a result of alleged
security violations. 

2001 The U.S. House of Representatives voted for an across-the-
board tax cut of nearly $1 trillion over the next decade. 

2005 In norther Chechnya, Chechen rebel leader Aslan Maskhadov
was killed during a raid by Russian forces.

2019  smiled.

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IP numbers of postcard senders 

Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, March 7

Thank you Claude!

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Today, March 7 in
1935 Malcolm Campbell set an auto speed record of 276.8 mph 
in Florida.
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp. --- Joan Rivers (1935 - ) Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped. --- Elbert Hubbard Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.... --- Carl Zwanzig Gore is indebted to his memory for his jests and to his imagination for his facts. --- Richard Brinsley Sheridan ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Little Willie asked his mother: "Mamma, don't soldiers ever go to heaven?" Of course they do!" protested his mother. "What makes you ask?" There are so many soldiers with beards but I never saw any pictures of angels with beards." Oh, that's because most MEN who go to Heaven get there by a close shave." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A man's house is on fire. No help is in sight so he takes matters into his own hands. He runs out of the house with his son and tells him to wait outside. Then he runs back in and gets is daughter and brings her ouside. Then his wife. Then the dog. Then the cat. Then he goes back in "3 more times" without bringing out anybody or anything. So a bystander is curious and asks him, "Why do you keep going back into your burning house and not coming out with anything?" The man replies, "I'm turning over my mother in law." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ Reported by Helen R. An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Andrea Baber, 30, Springfield, Oregon Christian school teacher, who was caught by her husband having sex with her 15-year-old male student is sentenced to 20 months in prison A Christian school teacher who was caught by her husband having sex with her 15-year-old male student has been sentenced to just 20 months in prison. Andrea Baber, 30, was sentenced in Douglas County on Friday after she was caught having sex with the student in 2017. She pleaded guilty to three counts of third-degree rape and six counts of contributing to the sexual delinquency of a minor. As part of her plea deal, 20 other charges including sodomy and giving marijuana to a minor were dropped. She will also have to register as a sex offender. Baber, who was a teacher at Logos Christian Academy in Springfield, was arrested in 2017 after the victim's father received an anonymous email alerting him to the relationship. The email asked the boy's father if he knew his son was in a sexual relationship with Baber. Several photos were attached to the email that showed Baber and the victim in bed together. The boy's father reported it to police. Separately, Baber's husband also filed a report with child protective services after he found his wife and the boy partially clothed in the couple's bed. Police later found that Baber had sex with the student 'on a regular basis' from 2016 onward. During her sentencing, Baber apologized to the victim and his family. 'I want to extend my apologies to the victim and his family, and I am happy to serve this sentence if it satisfies the victims family, but I know I was not justified,' Baber said, according to the News-Review. In addition to jail time, Baber has also been ordered to pay the victim $1,100 for counseling. Baber was an English teacher at Logos Christian Academy in Springfield when she started having sex with the 15-year-old student.
From: Stacy Re: IP numbers of postcard senders Dear DearWebby To Whom It May Concern: Please advise who I need to send a preservation letter to in order to secure the sender IP address of the following Internet Greeting cards that were sent from .......... Detective Stacy H........ Domestic Violence Unit City of........ Dear Stacy Just reveal the header of the pick-up notice. You will see a line starting with X-STAMP. That line gives you all the gory details that you need. The date and time is in EST. It even tells you what kind of browser and what version the perp used. We invented and instituted that X-Stamp in 1995 to help people like you to find and stop abusers. Have Fun! DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
>From Lisa When I was 28, I was teaching English in a high school where occasionally the faculty and staff were allowed to dress down. One of those days I donned a sweatshirt and slacks. A student came in, and his eyes widened. "Wow!" he exclaimed. "You should wear clothes like that every day. You look twenty, maybe even thirty years younger.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
"Johnny," said his teacher, "if coal is selling at $6 a ton and you pay your dealer $24, how many tons will he bring you?" "A little over three tons, ma'am," said Johnny. "Why, Johnny, that isn't right," said the teacher. "No, ma'am, I know it isn't," said Johnny, "but they all do it." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Sap on Your Car The harder the sap gets, the tougher it is to remove and the more likely it is to scratch your car's finish. Make a paste with a mild abrasive like baking soda and apply to the sap, then rub it with a rag until the sap is removed. Other products you can try are mayonnaise or WD-40. ____________________________________________________
Umbrella Magic!
___________________________________________________ The day I started my construction job, I was in the office filling out an employee form when I came to the section that asked: Single____, Married____, Divorced____. I marked single. Glancing at the man next to me, who was also filling out his form, I noticed he hadn't marked any of the blanks. Instead he had written, 'Yes, in that order.' ___________________________________________________ >From Ed Our supervisor recently made a casual comment about my shaggy mane. He then went on to extol the virtues of a good haircut, which, he insisted, makes an elderly man look younger, and a younger man seem more mature. "How would a haircut make a middle-aged man like me appear?" I asked, trying to stump him. "Still employed," he answered. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Consider the man who couldn't make up his mind what to order, no matter how long and hard he studied the menu. Finally, he turned to the waiter for help. "Well," said the waiter, "today our special is chicken on a bed of wild rice with green beans almondine and a nice side salad, with a succulent shrimp cocktail and your choice of beverage and dessert." "That sounds great. How is your chicken prepared?" "We break it to her very gently and tell her it's nothing personal!" ___________________________________________________

Today March 7 in
0322 BC Aristotle, the Greek philosopher, died. 

1774 The British closed the port of Boston to all commerce. 
That did not go over well!

1799 In Palestine, Napoleon captured Jaffa and his men massacred
more than 2,000 Albanian prisoners. 

1848 In Hawaii, the Great Mahele was signed. 

1849 The Austrian Reichstag was dissolved. 

1854 Charles Miller received a patent for the sewing machine. 

1876 Alexander Graham Bell received a patent (U.S. Patent No.
174,465) for his telephone. 

1901 A grand jury indicted four citizens of Anderson, SC, that
had been operating a slavery system in parts of South Carolina.
It was determined that many African-Americans were captured while
traveling, were jailed and then sent to work for local

1904 The Japanese bombed the Russian town of Vladivostok. 

1904 In Springfield, OH, a mob broke into a jail and shot a black
man accused of murder. 

1906 Finland granted women the right to vote. 

1908 Cincinnati's Mayor Leopold Markbreit announced before the
city council that, "Women are not physically fit to operate

1911 Willis Farnworth patented the coin-operated locker. 

1911 In the wake of the Mexican Revolution, the U.S. sent 20,000
troops to the border of Mexico. 

1918 Finland signed an alliance treaty with Germany. 

1925 The Soviet Red Army occupied Outer Mongolia. 

1927 A Texas law that banned Negroes from voting was ruled
unconstitutional by the U.S. Supreme Court. 

1933 CBS radio debuted "Marie The Little French Princess." It was
the first daytime radio serial. 

1933 The board game Monopoly was invented. 

1935 Malcolm Campbell set an auto speed record of 276.8 mph in

1936 Hitler sent German troops into the German Rhineland in
violation of the Locarno Pact and the Treaty of Versailles. 

1942 Japanese troops landed on New Guinea. 

1945 During World War II, U.S. forces crossed the Rhine River at
Remagen, Germany. 

1947 John L. Lewis declared that only a totalitarian regime could
prevent strikes. 

1951 U.N. forces in Korea under General Matthew Ridgeway launched
Operation Ripper against the Chinese. 

1954 Russia appeared for the first time in ice-hockey
competition. Russia defeated Canada 7-2 to win the world ice-
hockey title in Stockholm, Sweden. 

1955 "Peter Pan" was presented as a television special for the
first time. 

1955 Baseball commissioner Ford Frick said that he was in favor
of legalizing the spitball. 

1955 Phyllis Diller made her debut at the Purple Onion in San
Francisco, CA. 

1959 Melvin C. Garlow became the first pilot to fly over a
million miles in jet airplanes. 

1965 State troopers and a sheriff's posse broke up a march by
civil rights demonstrators in Selma, AL. 

1968 The Battle of Saigon came to an end. 

1971 A thousand U.S. planes bombed Cambodia and Laos. 

1975 The U.S. Senate revised the filibuster rule. The new rule
allowed 60 senators to limit debate instead of the previous two-

1981 Anti-government guerrillas in Colombia executed the
kidnapped American Bible translator Chester Allen Bitterman. The
guerrillas accused Bitterman of being a CIA agent. 

1985 The first AIDS antibody test, an ELISA-type test, was

1987 Mike Tyson became the youngest heavyweight titleholder when
he beat James Smith in a decision during a 12-round fight in Las
Vegas, NV. 

1989 Poland accused the Soviet Union of a World War II massacre
in Katyn. 

1994 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that parodies that poke fun at
an original work can be considered "fair use" that does not
require permission from the copyright holder. 

1994 In Moldova, a referendum was rejected by 90% of voters to
form a union with Rumania. 

1999 In El Salvador, Francisco Flores Pérez of the ruling
Nationalist Republican Alliance (Arena) was elected president. 

2002 A federal judge awarded Anna Nicole Smith more than $88
million in damages. The ruling was the latest in a legal battle
over the estate of Smith's late husband, J. Howard Marshall II. 

2003 Scientists at the Stanford Linear Accelerator Center
announced that they had transferred 6.7 gigabytes of uncompressed
data from Sunnvale, CA, to Amsterdam, Netherlands, in 58 seconds.
The data was sent via fiber-optic cables and traveled 6,800

2009 NASA's Kepler Mission, a space photometer for searching for
extrasolar planets in the Milky Way galaxy, was launched from
Cape Canaveral Air Force Station, Florida. 

2019  smiled.

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Compressed air vs Vacuum 

Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, March 6

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Today, March 6 in
1899 Aspirin was patented by German researchers 
Felix Hoffman and Hermann Dreser. 
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
There is always more misery among the lower classes than there is humanity in the higher. --- Victor Hugo (1802 - 1885), What some call health, if purchased by perpetual anxiety about diet, isn't much better than tedious disease. ---George Dennison Prentice Don't worry if your job is small, and your rewards are few. Remember that the mighty oak was once a nut like you! --- Socratex ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The grizzled old Master Chief was conducting the course in boot camp. He growled at me: "If you were on night sentry duty and saw a figure crawling towards camp, what procedure would you follow?" "Well, Master Chief," I answered, "I'd help the officer to his quarters." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A women's lib speaker was addressing a large group and said, "Where would man be today if it were not for woman?" She paused a moment and looked around the room. "I repeat, where would man be today if it were not for woman?" >From the back of the room came a voice, "He'd be in the Garden of Eden eating strawberries." ______________________________________________________ "Pillars of Creation", part of the Eagle nebula, where new stars are forming. The tall pillar on the left is 4 lightyears tall. _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ Reported by Helen R. An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Dawn Renee Phillips, 58, Graham County, N.C. Bimbo arrested for knocking over 61 grave stones The Cherokee County Sheriff's Office confirms, an arrest has been made for the vandalism at a local cemetery. Authorities tell News 13, following a tip, they arrested 58-year- old Dawn Renee Phillips. Phillips is charged with 61 felony counts of desecrating grave sites. Phillips is originally from Oregon but had a Kentucky drivers license. She is currently in custody on a $125,000 bond. An update on the vandalism that took place at Lone Oak cemetery. We received information last night that the suspect and vehicle were observed at the rest area in Andrews at approximately noon yesterday. We have worked with the good folks at the Cherokee County Sheriff's Office throughout the day today. I just spoke with Cherokee County and the subject has been identified, she is from out of state. Arrest warrants are being issued at this time and she will be in our custody shortly. I want to thank everyone for sharing the photographs that were put out on Facebook, it played a major part in this subject being found and identified. Updated information will be provided as we are able to do so.
From: Susan Re: Compressed Air versus vacuum Dear DearWebby Ever since my hubby took one of those government computer courses, he insists on using those expensive and silly compressed air cans to "clean" everything in, on or near computers, instead of using a vacuum cleaner. Is there any reason for doing that with compressed air? Susan Dear Susan No, there is absolutely no reason for blowing dirt and dust from one place to another or for blowing lose parts into inaccessible locations. It's just that puppy dogs and many men are scared of vacuum cleaners, so they come up with wimpy excuses for not using them. If you are worried about sucking up loose screws and springs, just use a clean filter bag. I have used a bag-pipe style ShopVac with shoulder strap since the days of the PC/XT (mid 80's), including a few years as mobile computer troubleshooter in the 90's, and never had any mishaps, except for occasionally tripping over the hose while running up narrow stairways, while carrying a repaired computer under the left arm, tool case in the right hand, vacuum on the back; and getting bumped by cute ladies coming down the stairs. But even that was fun. Just leave the computer plugged in but turned off. That way it is grounded and does not build up static. Use the vacuum cleaner's crevice tool and touch the bare metal at the back of computer as the first thing to clean, and you won't have any static related accidents. If you have kids, take those "compressed air" cans and heave them into the garbage. Kids like huffing them and every year a dozen or more of them die from that. Nobody ever died from using a vacuum cleaner. Have Fun! DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
After the birth of my son, a woman from the records depart- ment stopped by my hospital room to get information for his birth certificate. "Father's date of birth?" she asked. When I told her, she said, "Do you realize that his birthday is exactly nine months before your son's birth?" "No, I hadn't thought about it," I responded, "but now that you mention it, I realize that I have a daughter who turned two a couple of days before the same date." After she finished taking down all the data, she patted my hand and said, "Maybe you should start buying your husband a tie for his birthday." ------------- And get his secretary pregnant instead?
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
One night at the dinner table, Jill commented, "When we were first married, you took the small piece of steak and gave me the larger. Now you take the large one and leave me the smaller; You don't love me any more..." "Nonsense, darling," replied John, "you just cook better now, and we can afford better steak knifes." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Sharp Blades on the Lawn Mower It's important to have sharp mowing blades. Dull blades don't cut the grass, they tear it. This causes stress to your lawn and makes it more susceptible to disease and insect problems. When grass is torn rather than cut, it can also develop a brown appearance. ____________________________________________________
Welcome to the Visual Dictionary Online, the dictionary with a new point of view.
___________________________________________________ A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of shopping at the mall. It was found by an honest little boy, who returned it to her. Looking in her purse, she commented, "Hmm, that's funny. When I lost my bag, there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills." The boy quickly replied, "That's right, lady. The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward." ___________________________________________________ One of the posh hotels in Las Vegas employs my sister-in-law as a room-service attendant. During a medical convention at the hotel, she was preparing a breakfast order that consisted of fried eggs, bacon, ham, hash browns and a cheese danish. "Now that's a heart attack waiting to happen," commented a passing co-worker. "Yeah," my sister-in-law replied. "And believe it or not, it's just what the doctor ordered!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
One day a mother took her 6-year-old son with her to visit a friend at work. Everyone there knew her, and she was offered a cup of coffee. That day, as one of the employees went to make more coffee, her son followed her and asked, "What are you doing?" "I'm making your mom's favorite drink," she answered. Imagine the woman's shock when she heard her son say, "Wow! You know how to make beer?" ___________________________________________________

Today March 6 in
1521 Ferdinand Magellan discovered Guam. 

1808 At Harvard University, the first college orchestra was

1820 The Missouri Compromise was enacted by the U.S. Congress and
signed by U.S. President James Monroe. The act admitted Missouri
into the Union as a slave state, but prohibited slavery in the
rest of the northern Louisiana Purchase territory. 

1834 The city of York in Upper Canada was incorporated as

1836 The thirteen-day siege of the Alamo by Santa Anna and his
army ended. The Mexican army of three thousand men defeated the
189 Texas volunteers. 

1854 At the Washington Monument, several men stole the Pope's
Stone from the lapidarium. 

1857 The U.S. Supreme Court's Dred Scott decision ruled that
blacks could not sue in federal court to be citizens. 

1899 Aspirin was patented by German researchers Felix Hoffman and
Hermann Dreser. 

1900 In West Virginia, an explosion trapped 50 coal miners

1901 An assassin tried to kill Wilhelm II of Germany in Bremen. 

1907 British creditors of the Dominican Republic claimed that the
U.S. had failed to collect debts. 

1928 A Communist attack on Peking, China resulted in 3,000 dead
and 50,000 fled to Swatow. 

1939 In Spain, Jose Miaja took over the Madrid government after a
military coup and vowed to seek "peace with honor." 

1944 During World War II, U.S. heavy bombers began the first
American raid on Berlin. Allied planes dropped 2000 tons of

1946 Ho Chi Minh, the President of Vietnam, struck an agreement
with France that recognized his country as an autonomous state
within the Indochinese Federation and the French Union. 

1947 Winston Churchill announced that he opposed British troop
withdrawals from India. 

1947 The first air-conditioned naval ship, "The Newport News,"
was launched from Newport News, VA. 

1957 The British African colonies of the Gold Coast and Togoland
became the independent state of Ghana. 

1960 Switzerland granted women the right to vote in municipal

1960 The United States announced that it would send 3,500 troops
to Vietnam. 

1967 U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson announced his plan to
establish a draft lottery. 

1970 Charles Manson released his album "Lies" to finance his
defense against murder charges. 

1973 U.S. President Richard Nixon imposed price controls on oil
and gas. 

1975 Iran and Iraq announced that they had settled their border

1980 Islamic militants in Tehran said that they would turn over
American hostages to the Revolutionary Council. 

1981 U.S. President Reagan announced a plan to cut 37,000 federal

1985 Yul Brynner played his his 4,500th performance in the
musical "The King and I." 

1987 The British ferry Herald of Free Enterprise capsized in the
Channel off the coast of Belgium. 189 people died. 

1990 The Russian Parliament passed a law that sanctioned the
ownership of private property. 

1991 In Paris, five men were jailed for plotting to smuggle
Libyan arms to the Irish Republican Army. 

1992 The computer virus "Michelangelo" went into effect. 

1997 A gunman stole "Tete de Femme," a million-dollar Picasso
portrait, from a London gallery. The painting was recovered a
week later. 

1997 Britain's Queen Elizabeth II launched the first official
royal Web site. 

1998 A Connecticut state lottery accountant gunned down three
supervisors and the lottery chief before killing himself. 

2015 The NASA space probe Dawn entred orbit around the
protoplanet Ceres in the asteroid belt. 

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He got no response to postcards 

Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, March 5

Today's Bonehead Award: 
New York cop arrested for making and 
selling guns to outlaws.

Today, March 5 in
1934 In Amarillo, TX, the first Mother's-In-Law Day was celebrated. 

1953 Soviet dictator Joseph Stalin died. He had been in power for 29 years. 
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A Veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor. The doctor asked her all the usual questions: what were the symptoms, how long had they been occurring, etc.. Suddenly, she interrupted him: "Hey look, I'm a vet - *I* don't need to ask my patients these kind of questions: I can tell what's wrong just by looking." She smugly added, "Why can't you?" The doctor nodded, stood back, looked her up and down, quickly wrote out a prescription, handed it to her and said, "There you are. Of course, if that doesn't work, we'll have to have you put to sleep." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ While sports fishing off Melbourne Beach, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "Are there any 'gators around here?!" "Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!" "Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy, "How'd you get rid of the 'gators?" "We didn't do nothin'," the beach bum said. "The sharks got 'em." ______________________________________________________ Sonora Borealis. Town in foreground is Tucson. _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Gregg Marinelli, 38, Plattekill, New York New York cop arrested for making and selling guns to outlaws. March 2 (UPI) -- A police officer in New York City has been accused of illegally making handguns and assault weapons, then selling them to criminals, N.Y. State Police said. Gregg Marinelli, 38, a sergeant with the city's Department of Environmental Protection Police, was arrested Thursday and charged with six felonies: criminal sale of a firearm, two counts of criminal possession of a weapon, manufacture/disposition of a weapon, conspiracy and hindering prosecution, the State Police said in a news release Friday. "This has to be one of the most egregious breaches of trust that I have encountered," Orange County District Attorney David Hoovler said, according to the Times Herald-Record. "I am furious. Number one, about the leak in the case; and number two, the conduct, the possibility of putting untraceable guns on the street." Marinelli is being held in Orange County Jail in lieu of bail, which was set at $200,000 cash or $600,000 bond by Deerpark Town Court. State Police and agents with the federal Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives found gun parts, tools used to make weapons and several firearms, including at least one fully automatic assault rifle, at his home in home in Plattekill in Ulster County, 75 miles north of New York City. Many of the weapons were "ghost" guns -- meaning they were manufactured without serial numbers. They were sold to outlaw motorcycle groups and other people with criminal convictions, who are barred from owning guns, troopers said. "I am enraged that a police officer would sell exactly the types of weapons that are used to kill innocent people, including police officers," Hoovler said. "The types of 'ghost' guns which were recovered in this case are valuable to criminals precisely because they are difficult to trace. A police officer who alerts an armed drug dealer who has proudly proclaimed his status as 'outlaw' motorcycle club member, that he is the subject of police investigation, not only compromises that investigation, but puts his fellow police officers at risk." Thirteen handguns and assault rifles were recovered from others. He's accused of allegedly delivering some of the illegal guns using his marked police car. "The alleged crimes betray the oath that this officer took to protect the public," said Adam Bosch, director of public affairs for the NYC Department of Environmental Protection Police. "DEP is fully cooperating in the investigation." The arrest of Marinelli is an off-shoot of a drug trafficking case in Orange and Rockland Counties that uncovered a cocaine- dealing motorcycle club and another operation that sold pills containing fentanyl. People who bought guns from the suspect are asked to turn them in. "Those who voluntarily surrender the weapons in this manner will not be prosecuted for their possession of the weapons, although they could be prosecuted for any crimes committed with the weapons," the State Police said.
From: John Re: No response Dear DearWebby Is it possible to detect if Angelwinks is on the Recipient's blocked sender list? If it is on the blocked senders list, how do you deal with the blocked cards? Are they regarded as being "delivered" or would you send an "unable to deliver" note? I ask this because I have been sending cards and getting a very prompt reply saying that the recipient has picked up the card but have not received any reply from the Recipient. I look forward to hearing from you. John H Dear John If you get the "has picked up.." notice, then somebody at the recipient's machine, HAS indeed picked up and viewed your card. There is no way we can tell if the person who opened and viewed the card was the intended recipient, a spouse, parent, child, room mate, the butler or employer. All the program sees is that SOMEBODY at the recipient address opened and viewed the card. You will have to contact the recipient by chat or phone to find out why you got snubbed. It is also possible that YOU have the recipient blocked, and that she is getting mighty annoyed with you. So, contact her and find out! Have Fun! DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Two mothers were talking about their sons. The first said, "My son is such a saint. He works hard, doesn't smoke, and he hasn't so much as looked at a woman in over two years." The other woman said, "Well, my son is a saint himself. Not only hasn't he not looked at a woman in over three years, but he hasn't touched a drop of liquor in all that time." "My word," the first mother said. "You must be so proud." "I am," the second mother replied. "And when he's paroled next month, I'm going to throw him one heck of a big party."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A woman in our diet club was lamenting that she had gained weight. She'd made her family's favorite cake over the weekend, she reported, and they'd eaten half of it at dinner. The next day, she said, she kept staring at the other half, until finally she cut a thin slice for herself. One slice led to another, and soon the whole cake was gone. The woman went on to tell us how upset she was with her lack of willpower, and how she knew her husband would be disappointed. Everyone commiserated, until someone asked what her husband said when he found out. She smiled. "He never found out. I made another cake and ate half!" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Breaking in a Baseball Glove The best way to break in a baseball glove is to use it. To speed up the process, apply a dab of shaving cream to the center of the glove and then put a baseball in the pocket. Secure the glove closed by tying a shoelace around the glove and put it between your mattresses overnight. ____________________________________________________
Richard Branson and a group of scientists make exciting discoveries inside Great Blue Hole.
___________________________________________________ A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards." The brand new waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?" "No," the cook said. "Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon. "Oh, OK!" said the waitress. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer. The trucker asked, "What are the beans for?" She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!" ___________________________________________________ On the first day of school, the Kindergarten teacher said, "If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers." A little voice from the back of the room asked, "How is THAT going to help?" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Rick, fresh out of accounting school, went to a interview for a good paying job. The company boss asked various questions about him and his education, but then asked him, "What is three times seven?" "22," Rick replied. After he left, he double-checked it on his calculator (he *knew* he should have taken it to the interview!) and realized he wouldn't get the job. About two weeks later, he got a letter that said he was hired for the job! He was not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, but was still very curious. The next day, he went in and asked why he got the job, even though he got such a simple question wrong. The boss shrugged and said, "Well, you were the closest." ___________________________________________________

Today March 5 in

1623 The first alcohol temperance law in the colonies was enacted
in Virginia. 

1624 In the American colony of Virginia, the upper class was
exempted from whipping by legislation. 

1766 The first Spanish governor of Louisiana, Antonio de Ulloa,
arrived in New Orleans. 

1770 "The Boston Massacre" took place when British troops fired
on a crowd in Boston killing five people. Two British troops were
later convicted of manslaughter. 

1793 Austrian troops defeated the French and recaptured Liege. 

1836 Samuel Colt's Patent Arms Manufacturing of Paterson, New
Jersey, was chartered by the New Jersey legislature. 

1842 A Mexican force of over 500 men under Rafael Vasquez invaded
Texas for the first time since the revolution. They briefly
occupied San Antonio, but soon headed back to the Rio Grande. 

1845 The U.S. Congress appropriated $30,000 to ship camels to the
western U.S. 

1867 An abortive Fenian uprising against English rule took place
in Ireland. 

1868 The U.S. Senate was organized into a court of impeachment to
decide charges against President Andrew Johnson. 

1872 George Westinghouse patented the air brake for trains. 

1900 Two U.S. battleships left for Nicaragua to halt
revolutionary disturbances. 

1901 Germany and Britain began negotiations with hopes of
creating an alliance. 

1902 In France, the National Congress of Miners decided to call
for a general strike for an 8-hour day. 

1907 In St. Petersburg, Russia, the new Duma opened. 40,000
demonstrators were dispersed by troops. 

1910 In Philadelphia, PA, 60,000 people left their jobs to show
support for striking transit workers. 

1910 The Moroccan envoy signed the 1909 agreement with France. 

1912 The Italians became the first to use dirigibles for military
purposes. They used them for reconnaissance flights behind
Turkish lines west of Tripoli. 

1918 The Soviets moved the capital of Russia from Petrograd to

1922 "Annie Oakley" (Phoebe Ann Moses) broke all existing records
for women's trap shooting. She hit 98 out of 100 targets. 

1923 Old-age pension laws were enacted in the states of Montana
and Nevada. 

1933 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt ordered a four-day bank
holiday in order to stop large amounts of money from being
withdrawn from banks. 

1933 The Nazi Party won 44 percent of the vote in German
parliamentary elections. 

1934 In Amarillo, TX, the first Mother's-In-Law Day was

1943 Germany called fifteen- and sixteen-year-olds for military
service due to war losses. 

1946 Winston Churchill delivered his "Iron Curtain Speech". 

1946 The U.S. sent protests to the U.S.S.R. on incursions into
Manchuria and Iran. 

1953 Soviet dictator Joseph Stalin died. He had been in power for
29 years. 

1956 The U.S. Supreme Court affirmed the ban on segregation in
public schools. 

1970 A nuclear non-proliferation treaty went into effect after 43
nations ratified it. 

1976 The British pound fell below the equivalent of $2 for the
first time in history. 

1984 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that cities had the right to
display the Nativity scene as part of their Christmas display. 

1984 The U.S. accused Iraq of using poison gas. 

1985 Mike Bossy (New York Islanders) became the first National
Hockey League player to score 50 goals in eight consecutive

1993 Cuban President Fidel Castro said that Hillary Clinton was
"a beautiful woman." 

1993 Sprinter Ben Johnson was banned from racing for life by the
Amateur Athletic Association after testing positive for banned
performance-enhancing substances for a second time. 

1997 North Korea and South Korea met for first time in 25 years
for peace talks. 

1998 NASA announced that an orbiting craft had found enough water
on the moon to support a human colony and rocket fueling station.

1998 It was announced that Air Force Lt. Col. Eileen Collins
would lead crew of Columbia on a mission to launch a large X-ray
telescope. She was the first woman to command a space shuttle

2019  smiled.

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Windows Updates 

Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, March 4

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Alabama man tried to blow up mom with propane

Today, March 4 in
1634 Samuel Cole opened the first tavern in Boston, MA. 
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always been that the need for truth, wisdom and world peace pales by comparison with the need for a toothpaste that offers whiter teeth *and* fresher breath. --- Dave Barry (1947 - ) One machine can do the work of fifty ordinary men. No machine can do the work of one extraordinary man. --- Elbert Hubbard (1856 - 1915) The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved - loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves. --­ Victor Hugo ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ On a lonely, moonlit country road a young man's car engine started to cough. Immediately pulling over to a scenic little spot he said to the young lady next to him, "That's funny, I wonder what that knocking noise was?" "I'll tell you one thing for sure," said the girl coolly, "It wasn't opportunity." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Ross for this story: "Lot’s wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, ..." when little Jason interrupted, "My mommy looked back once, while she was driving," he announced triumphantly, "and she turned into a telephone pole!" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Roger Dale Johnson, 45, Woodville, Alabama Alabama man tried to blow up mom with propane An Alabama man is jailed on charges of trying to blow up his mother using a propane tank in a booby-trapped storage shed. Chief Deputy Rocky Harnen of the Jackson County Sheriff's Office tells news outlets a woman called police saying she was worried her son was both on drugs and storing propane in a shed. Harnen says an officer went to the home and a small explosion occurred when the officer and the man's mother entered the building. Harnen says a small device was supposed to explode and ignite the propane, but the gas wasn't turned on. No one was hurt. Records show 45-year-old Roger Dale Johnson of Woodville is charged with attempted assault and possession of a destructive device.
From: Carol Re: Windows Updates Dear DearWebby I'm running W7; can't pay me enough to run W10! I'm not one to download new special packs right away; I like to have them take the bugs out first. May I have your opinion of the W7 updates? Thanks, you've taught me a lot by reading your Q&A; and you've answered many question to me as well. Carol Dear Carol Don't panic. There are no new goodies in it anyway, just new bugs. Have Fun! DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
The preacher's 5-year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head, for a moment, before starting his sermon. One day, she asked him why. "Well, Honey," he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages, "I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon." "How come He never does?" she asked.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, "So your mother says your prayers for you each night? That's very commendable. What does she say?" The little boy replied, "Thank God he's in bed!" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Chopsticks as Knitting Needles In a pinch, you can use bamboo chopsticks as knitting needles. Just sharpen the tips of the chopsticks in a pencil sharpener then dull them a little so they aren't too sharp. Ask for extras the next time you get take out. ____________________________________________________ Live view from the space station. High res.
___________________________________________________ At a boat-rental concession, the manager went to the lake's edge and yelled through his megaphone, "Number 99, come in, please. Your time is up." Several minutes passed, but the boat didn't return. "Boat number 99," he again hollered, "return to the dock immediately or I'll have to charge you overtime." "Something is wrong here, boss," his assistant said. "We only have 75 boats. There is no number 99." The manager thought for a moment and then raised his mega- phone: "Boat number 66," he yelled. "Are you having trouble out there?" ___________________________________________________ "The other day a man in London dressed as Darth Vader got drunk and assaulted two men dressed as Jedi knights. He was sentenced to two months in jail and 10 more years living in his parents' basement." --- Conan O'Brien ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Minka for this story: "Doctor, I'd like you to evaluate my 13 year-old son." "OK: He's most likely suffering from a transient psychosis with an intermittent rage disorder, punctuated by episodic radical mood swings, but his prognosis is good for full recovery." "How can you say all that without even meeting him?" "I thought you said he's 13?" ___________________________________________________

Today March 4 in

1634 Samuel Cole opened the first tavern in Boston, MA. 

1681 England's King Charles II granted a charter to William Penn
for an area that later became the state of Pennsylvania. 

1766 The British Parliament repealed the Stamp Act, which had
caused bitter and violent opposition in the U.S. colonies. 

1778 The Continental Congress voted to ratify the Treaty of Amity
and Commerce and the Treaty of Alliance. The two treaties were
the first entered into by the U.S. government. 

1789 The first Congress of the United States met in New York and
declared that the U.S. Constitution was in effect. 

1794 The 11th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was passed by
the U.S. Congress. The Amendment limited the jurisdiction of the
federal courts to automatically hear cases brought against a
state by the citizens of another state. Later interpretations
expanded this to include citizens of the state being sued, as

1813 The Russians fighting against Napoleon reached Berlin. The
French garrison evacuated the city without a fight. 

1826 The first railroad in the U.S. was chartered. It was the
Granite Railway in Quincy, MA. 

1861 The Confederate States of America adopted the "Stars and
Bars" flag. 

1877 Emile Berliner invented the microphone. 

1880 Halftone engraving was used for the first time when the
"Daily Graphic" was published in New York City. 

1902 The American Automobile Association was founded in Chicago. 

1904 In Korea, Russian troops retreated toward the Manchurian
border as 100,000 Japanese troops advanced. 

1908 The New York board of education banned the act of whipping
students in school. 

1908 France notified signatories of Algeciras that it would send
troops to Chaouia, Morocco. 

1914 Doctor Fillatre successfully separated Siamese twins. 

1952 U.S. President Harry Truman dedicated the "Courier," the
first seagoing radio broadcasting station. 

1954 In Boston, Peter Bent Brigham Hospital reported the first
successful kidney transplant. 

1975 Queen Elizabeth knighted Charlie Chaplin. 

1989 Time, Inc. and Warner Communications Inc. announced a plan
to merge. 

1991 Sheik Saad al-Jaber al-Sabah, the prime minister of Kuwait,
returned to his country for the first time since Iraq's invasion.

1994 Bosnia's Croats and Moslems signed an agreement to form a
federation in a loose economic union with Croatia. 

1997 U.S. President Clinton barred federal spending on human

1998 Microsoft repaired software that apparently allowed hackers
to shut down computers in government and university offices

1998 The U.S. Supreme Court said that federal law banned on-the-
job sexual harassment even when both parties are the same sex. 

1999 Monica Lewinsky's book about her affair with U.S. President
Clinton went on sale in the U.S. 

2002 Canada banned human embryo cloning but permitted government-
funded scientists to use embryos left over from fertility
treatment or abortions. 

2012 Vladimir Putin won re-election in Russia's presidential

2019  smiled.

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Transfer files from old machine to W10 

Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, March 3

Late last night I watched the launch of the SpaceX rocket with
the Crew Dragon capsule. Everything went perfectly. When the
used first stage did a pin-point landing on the recovery barge
everybody at NASA went nuts with screaming applause. 

Today they will get to the space station and actually dock.
Previously, with the cargo modules, they just got close enough
and then used the Canadarm to fetch them and plug them in.
This time, with the crew module, they will hit the air lock
with their shot from Florida.

You can watch that at
Don't worry if the docking is during your sleep time. They will
of course record it and you can replay the historic event
whenever you have time.

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Police promise man slice of pizza 
to end hours-long standoff

Today, March 3 in
1817 The first commercial steamboat route from Louisville to New
Orleans was opened. 
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I only know two pieces; one is 'Clair de Lune' and the other one isn't. --- Victor Borge (1909 - 2000) The true test of character is not how much we know how to do, but how we behave when we don't know what to do. --- John Holt ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Ross How to Use Your IRS Rebate Check... As you may have heard, each of us will be getting a tax rebate check to stimulate the economy. If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China. If we spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs. If we purchase a computer it will go to China. If we purchase fruits and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala. If we purchase a good car it will go to Japan. If we purchase useless stuff it will go to Taiwan and none of it will help the American economy. We need to keep that money here in America. The only way to keep that money here at home is to spend it at yard sales, tattoo parlors and on hookers, since those are the only businesses still in the US! Trump is slowly changing that, but Pelosi will call you a racist, if you buy American stuff. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ More than anything, a young man from the city wanted to be a cowboy. Eventually he found a rancher who took pity on him and gave the lad a chance. "This," he said, showing him a rope, "is a lariat. We use it to catch cows." "I see," said the man, trying to seem knowledgeable as he examined the lariat. "And what do you use for bait?" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Evan Charles McLemore, 33, Pensacola, Florida Police promise man slice of pizza to end hours-long standoff Authorities say a Florida man accused of threatening his family ended a four-hour standoff with police after he was promised a slice of pizza. The Pensacola News Journal reports that 33-year-old Evan Charles McLemore was arrested Tuesday and charged with resisting an officer and aggravated stalking. Police say officers responded to a report of a possible battery at the Pensacola home and found McLemore had barricaded himself in a room. Officers say McLemore claimed to have a gun, so they brought in a SWAT team. Crisis negotiators eventually managed to coax McLemore out with the promise of pizza. It wasn’t clear if he actually received a slice. McLemore’s bond was set at $105,000 bond. Jail records didn’t list an attorney.
Chuck Re: Connect Win XP to W10 computer Dear DearWebby IS THERE A WAY I CAN HOOK UP A COMPUTER RUNNING WINXP TO MY COMPUTER RUNNING W10 AND TRANSFER FILES? THANK YOU, CHUCK Dear Chuck There IS a way to directly connect them with a special cable, but that method requires serious reading of instructions. There is even a special USB cable available, that has a bridging chip in it. Don't use an ordinary USB cable! It will kill one of the two machines! A simple router is probably the easiest, and since everybody uses them, any neighbor kid can help you with the set-up, if necessary. However, it is quite simple and straightforward and nothing to worry about. Just plug both machines into the router, Open the little manual that comes with the router and log in to the web interface. The manual has the URL, user name and password. On the web interface choose the Wizard. It guides you through the setup quickly and easily. Have Fun! DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Thanks to Linda for this story: I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my five-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Ken and Melba had finished their breakfast at the retirement home and were relaxing in the library. "You know," said Melba, "today, in most marriage ceremonies, they don't use the word 'obey' anymore." "Too bad, isn't it?" retorted Ken. "It used to lend a little humor to the occasion." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Washing Delicate Crystal or China If you are washing delicate dishes in your sink, line the bottom of the sink with a bath towel before filling it. This will protect your crystal and china from getting chipped on the hard sink bottom. Never use your dishwasher, it is just too harsh and dishes shift around. ____________________________________________________
Dance group delivers a mind blowing performance.
___________________________________________________ A man is a person who, if a woman says, "Never mind, I'll do it myself; lets her. A woman is a person who, if she says to a man, "Never mind, I'll do it myself," and he lets her; gets mad. A man is a person who, if a woman says to him, "Never mind, I'll do it myself," and he lets her and she get mad; says, "Now what are you mad about?" A woman is a person who, if she says to a man, "Never mind, I'll do it myself," and he lets her and she get mad, and he says, "Now what are mad about?" says, "If you don't know I'm not going to tell you." ___________________________________________________ Mandatory Vacation Two entrepreneurs were comparing notes on the difficulties of running a small business. "I started a new practice last year," the first one said. "I insist that each of my employees take at least a week off every three months." "Why in the world would you do that?" the other asked. She responded, "It's the best way I know of to learn which ones I can do without." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Not Your Normal Squirrel I never dreamed that slowly cruising on my motorcycle through a residential neighborhood could be so incredibly dangerous! Little did I suspect. I was on Brice Street - a very nice neighborhood with perfect lawns and slow traffic. As I passed an oncoming car, a brown furry missile shot out from under it and tumbled to a stop immediately in front of me. Inches before impact, and at the last possible second, he screamed and leapt! Snarling, hissing, and tearing at my clothes, he was a frenzy of activity. As I was dressed only in a light T-shirt, summer riding gloves, and jeans, this was a bit of a cause for concern. This furry little tornado was doing some damage! I grabbed for him with my left hand. After a few misses, I finally managed to snag his tail. With all my strength, I flung the evil rodent off to the left of the bike, almost running into the right curb as I recoiled from the throw. Somehow he caught my gloved finger with one of his little hands; and, with the force of the throw, he landed squarely on my BACK and resumed his antisocial and extremely distracting activities. And I was minus a glove. The combination of the force of the throw, only having the throttle hand on the handlebars, can only have one result. Torque. The engine roared, and the front wheel left the pavement. The squirrel screamed in anger. The Valkyrie screamed in ecstasy. I screamed in -- well, I just plain screamed. About this time, he came around my neck and got INSIDE my full-face helmet. As the faceplate closed part way, he began hissing in my face. I am quite sure my screaming changed intensity. It had little effect on the squirrel, however. Finally, I got the upper hand. I managed to grab his tail again, pulled him out of my helmet, and slung him to the left as hard as I could. This time it worked -- sort of. At that moment, I chanced to be passing two cops, parked, doing paperwork. Suddenly they perceive my form, screaming bloody murder, roaring by them at 80 mph. At the same moment a live squirrel grenade impacts directly into their open window. I heard new screams. They weren't mine. When I looked back, the doors on both sides of the patrol car were flung wide open. The cop from the passenger side was on his back, doing a crab walk into somebody's front yard, quickly moving away from the car. The cop who had been in the driver's seat was standing in the street, aiming a riot shotgun at his own police car. That maniac squirrel was now shredding their upholstery. I took a deep breath, turned on my turn-signal, made a gentle right turn off of Brice Street, and sedately left the neighborhood. I decided it was best to just buy myself a new pair of gloves. And a whole lot of Band-Aids. -from James Mizell, a retired police chaplain (via Chapnotes) ___________________________________________________

Today March 3 in
1803 The first impeachment trial of a U.S. Judge, John Pickering,

1812 The U.S. Congress passed the first foreign aid bill. 

1817 The first commercial steamboat route from Louisville to New
Orleans was opened. 

1845 The U.S. Congress passed legislation overriding a U.S.
President’s veto. It was the first time the Congress had achieved

1857 Britain and France declared war on China. 

1878 Russia and the Ottomans signed the treaty of San Stenafano.
The treaty granted independence to Romania, Serbia, Montenegro,
and the autonomy of Bulgaria. 

1900 Striking miners in Germany returned to work. 

1903 The U.S. imposed a $2 head tax on immigrants. 

1904 Wilhelm II of Germany made the first recording of a
political document with Thomas Edison's cylinder. 

1905 The Russian Czar agreed to create an elected assembly. 

1906 A Frenchman tried the first flight in an airplane with

1908 The U.S. government declared open war on on U.S. anarchists.

1909 Aviators Herring, Curtiss and Bishop announced that
airplanes would be made commercially in the U.S. 

1910 J.D. Rockefeller Jr. announced his withdrawal from business
to administer his father's fortune for an "uplift in humanity".
He also appealed to the U.S. Congress for the creation of the
Rockefeller Foundation. 

1910 In New York, Robert Forest founded the National Housing
Association to fight deteriorating urban living conditions. 

1910 Nicaraguan rebels admitted defeat in open war and resorted
to guerrilla tactics in the hope of U.S. intervention. 

1918 The Treaty of Brest Litovsky was signed by Germany, Austria
and Russia. The treaty ended Russia's participation in World War

1931 The "Star Spangled Banner," written by Francis Scott Key,
was adopted as the American national anthem. The song was
originally a poem known as "Defense of Fort McHenry." 

1939 In Bombay, Ghandi began a fast to protest the state's
autocratic rule. 

1941 Moscow denounced the Axis rule in Bulgaria. 

1945 Superman encountered Batman and Robin for the first time on
the Mutual Broadcasting System. 

1945 Close to the end of World War II, when it was obvious that
the Allies were winning, Finland changed sides and declared war
on the Axis. 

1952 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld New York's Feinberg Law that
banned Communist teachers in the U.S. 

1956 Morocco gained its independence. 

1969 Apollo 9 was launched by NASA to test a lunar module. 

1969 Sirhan Sirhan testified in a Los Angeles court that he
killed Robert Kennedy. 

1972 NASA's Pioneer 10 spacecraft was launched. 

1973 Japan disclosed its first defense plan since World War II. 

1974 About 350 people died when a Turkish Airlines DC-10 crashed
just after takeoff from Orly Airport in Paris. 

1978 The remains of Charles Chaplin were stolen from his grave in
Cosier-sur-Vevey, Switzerland. The body was recovered 11 weeks
later near Lake Geneva. 

1980 The submarine Nautilus was decommissioned. The vessels final
voyage had ended on May 26, 1979. 

1985 Women Against Pornography awarded its ‘Pig Award’ to Huggies
Diapers. The activists claimed that the TV ads for diapers had
"crossed the line between eye-catching and porn." 

1987 The U.S. House of Representatives rejected a package of $30
million in non-lethal aid for the Nicaraguan Contras. 

1991 25 people were killed when a United Airlines Boeing 737-200
crashed while on approach to the Colorado Springs airport. 

1991 Rodney King was severely beaten by Los Angeles police
officers. The scene was captured on amateur video. (California) 

1994 The Mexican government reached a peace agreement with the
Chiapas rebels. 

1995 A U.N. peacekeeping mission in Somalia ended. Several gunmen
were killed by U.S. Marines in Mogadishu while overseeing the
pull out of peacekeepers. 

1999 In Egypt, 19 people were killed when a bus plunged into a
Nile canal. 

2019  smiled.

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W10 Video preview in Windows Explorer 

Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, March 2

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Two arrested in brawl over crab legs at Alabama buffet

Today, March 2 in
1998 Images from the American spacecraft Galileo indicated that
the Jupiter moon Europa has a liquid ocean and a source of
interior heat. 
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
There are 10^11 stars in the galaxy. That used to be a huge number. But it's only a hundred billion. It's less than the national deficit! We used to call them astronomical numbers. Now we should call them economical numbers. --- Richard Feynman (1918 - 1988) Wise sayings often fall on barren ground, but a kind word is never thrown away. --- Arthur Helps ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Two friends, one an optimist and the other a pessimist, could never quite agree on any topic of discussion. One day the optimist decided he had found a good way to pull his friend out of his continual pessimistic thinking. The optimist owned a hunting dog that could walk on water. His plan? Take the pessimist and the dog out duck hunting in a boat. They got out into the middle of the lake, and the optimist brought down a duck. The dog immediately walked out across the water, retrieved the duck, and walked back to the boat. The optimist looked at his pessimistic friend and said, "What do you think about that?" The pessimist replied, "That dog can't swim, can he?" Luckily the pessimist was wearing a life jacket when he got tossed into the water. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A teacher was finishing up a lesson on the joys of discovery and the importance of curiosity. "Where would we be today," she asked, "if no one had ever been curious?" One child quietly spoke up from the back of the room. "In the Garden of Eden?" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ Thanks to Moe for the mug shot of yesterday's bonehead, the guy who backed his pick-up into a clothing store, loaded it up with $800 worth of clothing, then hit a door frame on the way out and smoked his tires and the carpet to get unstuck. Apparently Ronald Parks has quite a big rap sheet. ___________________________________________________ Reported by Helen An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by John Chapman, Chequita Jenkins, Huntsville, Alabama Two arrested in brawl over crab legs at Alabama buffet Customers at an Alabama buffet were boiling mad while waiting in line for crab legs and took to using tongs as weapons during a brawl at the eatery, police said. Customers at the Meteor Buffet in Huntsville had been waiting in line for 10 to 20 minutes for crab legs, police said. The eager diners were waiting for the next tray to come out when they rushed to serve themselves. "They'd been waiting there for the crab legs for a good 10, 20 minutes. When they finally came out, it's very heated. Especially if someone is taking more than their fair share," said Huntsville police officer Gerald Johnson, who was eating at the restaurant when the melee broke out. Some diners began using tongs as swords and shattering plates. Customers John Chapman and Chequita Jenkins were arrested. Jenkins was at the $10.58 per-plate buffet with her kids. "There's a woman who's beating a man," Johnson said. "People are moving around, plates are shattering everywhere." Chapman suffered a cut to his head and Jenkins was not harmed. Chapman is facing disorderly conduct and Jenkins is charged with third-degree assault.
>From Lee Re: W10 Explorer icon view ? Dear DearWebby Something seems to have changed in my Windows Explorer. Up until recently when I used the large icon view I could see a snap shot from the video in a video file. I use VLC to view files. Now I only see the VLC icon. I have Windows 10 Home. Thanks for your continued support and interesting/funny daily news. Lee Dear Lee If you are setting the view as Large Icons and you intend to view thumbnails (instead of icon placeholders which won't show you a picture preview), then you will also want to ensure that your PC Performance Settings allows for thumbnail views. To do so: Click Start and then right click This PC, and choose Properties. The System window will appear; click the Advanced system settings link at the top left of the window. The System Properties window will appear; look for the Performance heading and click the Settings button. The Performance Options window will appear; under the Visual Effects tab, ensure that "Show thumbnails instead of icons" has a check mark beside it, then click Apply and OK to close the window. Have Fun! DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A guy goes to a doctor and says: "Doctor, my wife has lost her voice, a week ago...." "And you are worried she'll find it again ?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Mrs. Applebee, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her arithmetic classes: "A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?" After a very long silence in the classroom, Little Morris raised his hand. The teacher called on Little Morris for his answer. With complete sincerity in his voice, Little Morris answered, "A lawyer!" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Training Wheels on a Wheelbarrow The other day at a farm, I saw a wheelbarrow with bicycle training wheels on it. It wouldn't turn quite as sharply around corners but it was much more difficult to tip over. A good way to reuse those training wheels your kid has outgrown. Two-wheeled yard carts are often lighter than wheelbarrows, and cheaper. Those with tall wheels roll even easier than regular wheel barrows. For small chores a seed/fertilizer spreader works just as well. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________
Beautiful desert wildflowers in bloom now.
___________________________________________________ Three ministers are having lunch one day and complaining about sudden infestations of bats in their churches. "I've had those things in my loft and attic all summer," one says. "I've tried everything -- noise, spray, cats. Nothing seems to scare them away." "Yeah, me too," the second minister says. "I've got hundreds living in my belfry and in the attic. I've even had the place fumigated and they won't go away." "I had a problem with them, too," the third minister says. "But I baptized all mine and made them members of the church. Then I passed the collection plate. Haven't seen one back since." ___________________________________________________ A patient mentions his concerns to his doctor during his annual physical. "Isn't there some kind of memory medicine you can give me?" he asks. "I'm getting terribly forgetful. I lose track of where I'm going or what I'm supposed to do when I get there. What should I do?" "Pay me in advance," the doctor, says. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Bill Gates dies and goes to heaven, where St. Peter commends him for his innovative work with computers and shows him his reward -- a beautiful 10-room house with spacious grounds and a tennis court. Gates is pleased and spends many months enjoying the amenities of heaven. One day, however, he is enjoying one of heaven's many fine parks when he meets a man dressed in a fine tailored suit. "That is a nice suit, my friend," says Gates. "Where did you get it?" "Actually," the man replies, "I was given 100 of these when I got here. I've been treated really well. I got a mansion on a hill, a 500-acre estate, a golf course and three Rolls-Royces." "Were you a Pope or a doctor healing the sick?" Gates asks him. "No," says his new friend. "Actually, I was the captain of the Titanic." Perturbed, Gates stalks off to find St. Peter. "How could you give me a paltry new house, while you're showering new cars, a mansion and fine suits on the captain of the Titanic?" Gates demands. "I invented the Windows operating system. Why does he deserve better?" "Well," says St. Peter, "you have to realize that the Titanic only crashed once. And furthermore, when the Titanic crashed, people prayed. Every time Windows crashes, they curse." ___________________________________________________

Today March 2 in
1807 The U.S. Congress passed an act to "prohibit the importation
of slaves into any port or place within the jurisdiction of the
United States... from any foreign kingdom, place, or country." 

1836 Texas declared its independence from Mexico and an ad
interim government was formed. 

1861 The U.S. Congress created the Territory of Nevada. 

1877 In the U.S., Rutherford B. Hayes was declared the winner of
the 1876 presidential election by the U.S. Congress. Samuel J.
Tilden, however, had won the popular vote on November 7, 1876. 

1897 U.S. President Cleveland vetoed legislation that would have
required a literacy test for immigrants entering the country. 

1899 Mount Rainier National Park in Washington was established by
the U.S. Congress. 

1900 The U.S. Congress voted to give $2 million in aid to Puerto

1901 The first telegraph company in Hawaii opened. 

1903 The Martha Washington Hotel opened for business in New York
City. The hotel had 416 rooms and was the first hotel exclusively
for women. 

1906 A tornado in Mississippi killed 33 and did $5 million in

1907 In Hamburg, Germany, dock workers went on strike after the
end of the night shift. British strike breakers were brought in.
The issue was settled on April 22, 1907. 

1908 In New York, the Committee of the Russian Republican
Administration was founded. 

1908 In Paris, Gabriel Lippmann introduced three-dimensional
color photography at the Academy of Sciences. 

1917 The Russian Revolution began with Czar Nicholas II

1917 Citizens of Puerto Rico were granted U.S. citizenship with
the enactment of the Jones Act. 

1925 State and federal highway officials developed a nationwide
route-numbering system and adopted the familiar U.S. shield-
shaped, numbered marker. 

1933 The motion picture King Kong had its world premiere in New

1939 The Massachusetts legislature voted to ratify the Bill of
Rights to the U.S. Constitution. These first ten amendments had
gone into effect 147 years before. 

1946 Ho Chi Minh was elected President of Vietnam. 

1949 The B-50 Superfortress Lucky Lady II landed in Fort Worth,
TX. The American plane had completed the first non-stop around-
the-world flight. 

1962 Wilt 'The Stilt' Chamberlain scored 100 points against the
New York Knicks 169-147. Chamberlain broke several NBA records in
the game. 

1969 In Toulouse, France, the supersonic transport Concorde made
its first test flight. 

1984 The first McDonald's franchise was closed. A new location
was opened across the street from the old location in Des
Plaines, IL. 

1985 The U.S. government approved a screening test for AIDS that
detected antibodies to the virus that allowed possibly
contaminated blood to be kept out of the blood supply. 

1986 Corazon Aquino was sworn into office as president of the
Philippines. Her first public declaration was to restore the
civil rights of the citizens of her country. 

1987 The U.S. government reported that the median price for a new
home had gone over $100,000 for the first time. 

1989 Representatives from the 12 European Community nations all
agreed to ban all production of CFCs (chlorofluorocarbons) by the
end of the 20th century. 

1995 Russian anti-corruption journalist Vladislav Listyev was
killed by a gunman in Moscow. 

1995 Nick Leeson was arrested for his role in the collapse of
Britain's Barings Bank. 

1998 Images from the American spacecraft Galileo indicated that
the Jupiter moon Europa has a liquid ocean and a source of
interior heat. 

2000 In Great Britain, Chile's former President Augusto Pinochet
Ugarte was freed from house arrest and allowed to return to
Chile. Britain's Home Secretary Jack Straw had concluded that
Pinochet was mentally and physically unable to stand trial.
Belgium, France, Spain and Switzerland had sought the former
Chilean leader on human-rights violations. 

2003 Over the Sea of Japan, there was a confrontation between
four armed North Korean fighter jets and a U.S. RC-135S Cobra
Ball. No shots were fired in the encounter in international
airspace about 150 miles off North Korea's coast. The U.S. Air
Force announced that it would resume reconnaissance flights on
March 12. 

2004 NASA announced that the Mars rover Opportunity had
discovered evidence that water had existed on Mars in the past. 

2011 Steve Jobs unveiled Apple's iPad 2. 

2016 The U.N. Security Council unanimously approved sanctions on
North Korea that included mandatory inspections of cargo leaving
and entering North Korea, a ban on all sales and transfers of
small arms and light weapons and expulsion of diplomats that
engage in "illicit activities." The sanctions were in reaction to
the latest nuclear test and rocket launch in defiance of a ban on
all nuclear-related activity. 

2016 Astronaut Scott Kelly returned to Earth after 340 days in
space aboard the International Space Station. 

2019  smiled.

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What are drivers? 

Good Morning, !

Today is Friday, March 1
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Smash and graber jailed in MO

Today, March 1 in
1873 E. Remington and Sons of Ilion, NY, began the manufacturing
of the first practical typewriter. 

1854 The Republican Party was organized in Ripon, WI. About 50
slavery opponents began the new political group. 
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Foolish writers and readers are created for each other. --- Horace Walpole (1717 - 1797) I'm not sure I want popular opinion on my side -- I've noticed those with the most opinions often have the fewest facts. --- Bethania McKenstry ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ While looking for mother related jokes, I came across this letter from GD from Dec 3, 2000: ==from GDB Hi Webby Would you believe that my mothers email program awarded the Humor Letter THREE red peppers for "naughty language" ? We had a hoot going through it with a fine tooth comb trying to find what was naughty in it and the closest we came was this: == "Ma'am, this potato is bad." She nodded, picked up the potato, and smacked it. == So, Dear Webby, better be careful about this "cruelty to potatoes" stuff. Otherwise PETA will go after you and protest in front of your office! They had a topless PETA protest in Tucson last week and it caused quite a big car pile-up. ====GDB=== _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Ronald E. Parks, 62, Kansas City, Missouri Smash and grabber jailed Another dumb criminal, this time caught on camera. Ronald E. Parks, 62, has been charged on multiple counts in connection with plowing his truck into the Gordmans store at 135th & State Line after midnight Dec. 4, stealing about $800 in women's sweaters, and getting stuck and smoking his tires on the way out. When police found him, there were Gordmans price tags in his damaged truck and a trail of them leading to his back door. He caused about $80,000 in damage to the business.
>From Alice Re: Whart is a "driver" ? Dear DearWebby I too get all kinds of ads and pop ups about drivers. What are they really? Do I really need them? Alice Dear Alice Drivers started with printers. Originally printers understood commands to print certain letters. That was fine when typists were paid according to how many pieces of correspondence they did per hour. The Women's Libbers didn't do too well with that and called that a misogynic system and demanded payment according to how beautiful their correspondence was. So Apple and Microsoft and printer manufacturers complied and enabled fancy fonts and all kinds of cute stuff. Since that was not included in the 256 different letter commands, they came up with translators for the fancy stuff. Those are called "drivers". Printers were just the beginning. Then came graphics. Each printer and camera maker interpreted things differently, so they required drivers. All that went relatively smoothly until Windows VISTA. Microsoft wrongly assumed that printer and camera makers would create drivers for items, that had been sold and paid for years ago. Well, they didn't, and there was much hue and cry and VISTA bombed. Microsoft learned their lesson and since then all new versions of Windows include tons of drivers for any printer produced since Gutenberg, plus new ones get added "in the cloud" for you to download. When you buy a new 2019 printer, your 2010 Windows sees that it does not have a driver for it, so it automatically offers to download it. Sometimes, though rarely, printer manufacturers discover problems and produce a driver to cope with that. If and when something does not work right, you can download those supplemental drivers. Their support will suggest that. Occasionally the asame thing happens with computers. For example DELL pops a pop-up about once a year suggesting to download and install a cumulative bug fix by clicking OK. No big deal. So, all in all, drivers are no problem. If and when you need them, you will find out painlessly. If you want to check your drivers, you can hit START, and type dxdiag and hit ENTER. That will give you the same as all those fancy driver checkers. For free, and without any sneaky spyware hidden in it. Have Fun! DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Women believe if a pet cat strays, it's because of a lack of affection at home. Women believe if a pet dog strays, it's because of a lack of affection at home. Women believe if a woman strays, it's because of a lack of affection at home. Women believe if a man strays, it's because men are scum.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A member of the Country Club asked the lifeguard how he might go about teaching a young lady to swim. "It takes considerable time and technique." replied the guard. "First you ust take her into the water, then place one arm about her waist, hold her tightly, then take her right arm and raise it very slowly..." "This is certainly most helpful." said the member. "I know that my sister will appreciate it." "Your sister?" said the lifeguard.. "In that case, just push her into the deep end of the pool. She'll learn in a hurry." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Wilted Lettuce You can often recover wilted lettuce by soaking it in ice cold water with a few drops of lemon juice or vinegar. Place it in the fridge for about an hour and it should be much more crisp. This also works for carrots, celery and other vegetables. ____________________________________________________
Painters interrupt an orchestra.
___________________________________________________ Little Johnny was having problems in English class, so his teacher, Miss Figpot, decided to stop by Little Johnny's house on her way home. She wanted to discuss Johnny's poor performance directly with his parents. When she rang the door bell, Little Johnny answered. "Hello Johnny, I'd like to talk to your mother or father," she said. "Sorry, but they ain't here." He replied. "Johnny!" She said, "what is it with your grammar?" "Haven't got a clue," Johnny replied, "but dad sure was mad that they had to go bail her out again!" ___________________________________________________ In California's Sonoma Valley, where vineyards cater to wine snobbery, a woman phoned the classified ad department of a newspaper. She offered for sale what sounded like "well-aged Caumeneur." The ad-taker was unfamiliar with that particular, wine, but was used to the infusion of French words into the local vocabulary. "Could you please spell that?" she asked. "You know," said the woman impatiently, "C-o-w M-a-n-u-r-e ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a women are their eyes. And women say the first thing they notice about men: they're a bunch of liars. ___________________________________________________

Today March 1 in
1498 Vasco de Gama landed at what is now Mozambique on his way to

1562 In Vassy, France, Catholics massacred over 1,000 Huguenots.
The event started the First War of Religion. 

1692 In Salem Village, in the Massachusetts Bay Colony, the Salem
witch trials began. Four women were the first to be charged. 

1781 In America, the Continental Congress adopted the Articles of

1784 In Great Britain, E. Kidner opened the first cooking school.

1790 The U.S. Congress authorized the first U.S. census. 

1810 Sweden became the first country to appoint an Ombudsman,
Lars August Mannerheim. 

1811 Egyptian ruler Mohammed Ali massacred the leaders of the
Mameluke dynasty. 

1815 Napoleon returned to France from the island of Elba. He had
been forced to abdicate in April of 1814. 

1862 Prussia formally recognized the Kingdom of Italy. 

1872 The U.S. Congress authorized the creation of Yellowstone
National Park. It was the world's first national park. 

1873 E. Remington and Sons of Ilion, NY, began the manufacturing
of the first practical typewriter. 

1896 The Battle of Adowa began in Ethiopia between the forces of
Emperor Menelik II and Italian troops. The Italians were

1900 In South Africa, Ladysmith was relieved by British troops
after being under siege by the Boers for more than four months. 

1907 In Odessa, Russia, there were only about 15,000 Jews left
due to evacuations. 

1907 In Spain, a royal decree abolished civil marriages. 

1907 In New York, the Salvation Army opened an anti-suicide

1911 Industrialist Henry Frick acquired Velasquez's "Portrait of
King Philip IV." 

1911 Jose Ordonez was elected President of Uraguay. 

1912 Captain Albert Berry made the first parachute jump from a
moving airplane. 

1924 Disney released the first Alice Comedy entitled "Alice's Day
at Sea." 

1927 The Bank of Italy became a National Bank. 

1932 The 22-month-old son of Charles and Anne Lindbergh was
kidnapped. The child was found dead in May. 

1937 U.S. Steel raised workers’ wages to $5 a day. 

1937 In Connecticut, the first permanent automobile license
plates were issued. 

1941 FM Radio began in Nashville, TN, when station W47NV began

1941 Bulgaria joined the Axis powers by signing the Tripartite

1947 The International Monetary Fund began operations. 

1947 Chinese Premier T.V. Soong resigned. 

1949 Joe Louis announced that he was retiring from boxing as
world heavyweight boxing champion. 

1950 Klaus Fuchs was convicted of giving U.S. atomic secrets to
the Soviet Union. 

1954 The United States announced that it had conducted a hydrogen
bomb test on the Bikini Atoll in the Pacific Ocean. It was the
first U.S. test of a dry fuel hydrogen bomb under Operation

1954 Five U.S. congressmen were wounded when four Puerto Rican
nationalists opened fire from the gallery of the U.S. House of

1959 Archbishop Makarios returned to Cyprus from exile. 

1961 The Peace Corps was established by U.S. President Kennedy. 

1962 Pakistan announced that it had a new constitution that set
up a presidential system of government. 

1966 The Soviet probe, Venera 3 crashed on the planet Venus. It
was the first spacecraft to land on the surface of another

1966 Ghana ordered all Soviet, East German and Chinese
technicians to leave the country. 

1971 A bomb exploded in a restroom in the Senate wing of the U.S.
Capitol. There were no injuries. A U.S. group protesting the
Vietnam War claimed responsibility. 

1974 Seven people were indicted in connection with the Watergate
break-in. The charge was conspiring to obstruct justice. 

1983 The New Jersey Transit strike began. It ended on April 2. 

1984 The U.S.S.R. performed a nuclear test at Eastern Kazakhstan,
Semipalatinsk, U.S.S.R. 

1987 S&H Green Stamps became S&H Green Seals. The stamps were
introduced 90 years earlier. 

1988 Soviet troops were sent into Azerbaijan after ethnic riots
between Armenians and Azerbaijanis. 

1989 In Washington, DC, Mayor Barry and the City council imposed
a curfew on minors. 

1990 In Cairo, 16 people were killed in a fire at the Sheraton

1992 Bosnian Serb snipers fired upon civilians after a majority
of the Moslem and Croatian communities voted in favor of Bosnia's

1992 King Fahd of Saudi Arabia announced major political reforms
that ceded some powers after 10 years of disciplined rule. 

1992 Bosnian Muslims and Croats voted to secede from Yugoslavia. 

1993 The U.S. government announced that the number of food stamp
recipients had reached a record number of 26.6 million. 

1994 Israel released about 500 Arab prisoners in an effort to
placate Palestinians over the Hebron massacre. 

1995 The European Parliament rejected legislation that would have
allowed biotechnology companies to patent new life forms. 

1995 Yahoo! was incorporated. 

1996 In Kuala, Lumpur, construction was completed for the
Petronas Towers. 

1999 The Angolan Embassy in Lusaka, Zambia, exploded. Four other
bombs went off in the capital. 

1999 In Uganda, eight tourists were brutally murdered by Hutu

1999 Bertrand Piccard and Brian Jones began their attempt to
circumnavigate the Earth in a hot air balloon non-stop. They
succeeded on March 20, 1999. 

2002 Operation Anaconda began in eastern Afghanistan. Allied
forces were fighting against Taliban and Al Quaida fighters. 

2003 In New York, a $250,000 Salvador Dali sketch was stolen from
a display case in the lobby at Rikers Island jail. On June 17,
2003, it was announced that four corrections officers had
surrendered and pled innocent in connection to the theft. The
mixed-media composition was a sketch of the crucifixion. 

2003 In the U.S., approximately 180,000 personnel from 22
different organizations around the government became part of the
Department of Homeland Security. This completed the largest
government reorganization since the beginning of the Cold War. 

2003 Khalid Shaikh Mohammed was captured by CIA and Pakistani
agents near Islamabad. He was the suspected mastermind behind the
terrorist attacks on the United States on September 11, 2001. 

2019  smiled.

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Can a laptop handle a Wireless printer 

Good Morning, !

Today is Thursday, February 28

Today's Bonehead Award: 
NC mom jailed after appearing 
in court as her daughter

Today, February 26 in
1854 The Republican Party was organized in Ripon, WI. About 50
slavery opponents began the new political group. 
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
In the end, everything is a gag. --- Charlie Chaplin (1889 - 1977) Those who flee temptation generally leave a forwarding address. --- Lane Olinghouse Punctuality is the virtue of the bored. --- Evelyn Waugh Against stupidity the gods themselves contend in vain. --- Friedrich von Schiller A mother takes twenty years to make a man of her boy, and another woman makes a fool of him in twenty minutes. --- Robert Frost ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ It's every airplane passenger's nightmare -- getting stuck near a crying baby. I was manning the ticket counter at a busy airport when the sound of a sobbing infant filled the air. As the next passenger stepped up to the desk, he glanced at the tot and rolled his eyes. "Don't worry," I said to him cheerily. "Chances are that baby won't be on your flight." Head shaking, he grimly replied, "Oh, I bet he will. That's my son." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Scorcher Murphy was selling his house and put the matter in an agent's hands. The agent wrote up a sales blurb for the house that made wonderful reading. After Murphy read it, he turned to the agent and asked, "Have I got all ye say there?" The agent said, "Certainly ye have. Why d'ye ask?" Replied Murphy, "Cancel the sale! 'Tis too good to part with." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ Reported by Wayne: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Uganda Spencer, 44, Sanford, North Carolina NC mom jailed after appearing in court as her daughter A 44-year-old mom in North Carolina appeared in court as her daughter and was then jailed on existing warrants on Friday, according to the Chatham County Sheriff's Office. Uganda Spencer, of Sanford, appeared at the Chatham County Justice Center in Pittsboro posing as her daughter Gabrielle Spencer, a news release from deputies said. The mother was then arrested on an existing warrant for her daughter and taken to the Chatham County Detention Center, the release said. "During processing, Uganda’s true identity was revealed," officials said in the news release. Deputies said that the mother had three existing warrants and a criminal summons under her own name. In addition to her arrest, Uganda Spencer was subsequently charged with three counts of felony identity theft, common law forgery, resisting a public officer, and felony financial card theft. Uganda Spencer was held on a $10,000 secured bond. There is no word about what happened to her daughter. The mother's first court appearance is set for next Monday in Chatham County District Court in Pittsboro.
>From Gwen Re: Wireless printer Dear DearWebby Hi There, here I come again with a probably silly question. First, how can you tell if a computer can handle a 'wireless' connection? Need to purchase a printer for my laptop and the recommendation from a technician is an HP Officejet 3830 All in One at a cost of $99.99  Good deal? or not? Sorry to keep bothering you but I do know that I will get an honest answer from you. I'm the lady with the 20 year old DELL computer that I'm still using although slowly moving to the laptop thus the Wireless printer question. My laptop is an HP which is only a year old. Thanks so much for your help. Love the jokes and pass them on by times to friends who need a laugh now and again. Cheers, Gwen Dear Gwen Yes, a one year old laptop should most definitely be able to handle a wireless printer. Most printers also have a USB port to communicate with machines, that don't have wireless. Have Fun! DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
The young Ensign approached the crusty old Chief and asked him about the origin of the commissioned office insignias. "Well, Ensign, it's history and tradition. First, we give you a gold bar representing that you're valuable BUT malleable. The silver bar of a Lieutenant Junior Grade represents value, but less malleable. When you make Lieutenant, you're twice as valuable so we give you two silver bars. As a Captain, you soar over military masses, hence the eagle. As an Admiral, you're obviously a star. That answer your question?" "Yeah, but what about Commanders and Lieutenant Commanders?" "Now that goes waaaaaay back in history. Back to the Garden of Eden even. You see, we've always covered our unmentionables with leaves. "
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar? Soldier: Sure, buddy. Officer: That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again. Soldier: Do you have change for a dollar? Soldier: No, SIR! ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Clutter Control: Wallets and Purses Clean out your wallet or purse at least once a week. File important receipts and business cards that you have collected and don't carry anything that you don't need. If you are carrying your wallet in your back pocket, the thinner it is, the easier it is on your back when you sit down. ____________________________________________________
Scientists claim to have solved the mystery of the deadly Bermuda Triangle......I think I want it to remain a mystery.
___________________________________________________ A man was doing a study of children's senses in a first-grade class using a bowl of Lifesavers. He gave the children all the same kind of Lifesaver and asked them, "What is the flavor, and what color is it?" The children began to say, "Red . . . cherry . . . yellow . . lemon . .. lime. . . green . . . orange . . . orange." Finally, he gave them all honey Lifesavers. The children suck on them for a while, but can't decipher the taste. "Well," he said, "I'll give you a clue. It's what your mother would call your father." One little girl looked up in horror, spit hers out, and yelled: "Everybody spit it out, they're as*********!" ___________________________________________________ Little Johnny was taking care of his baby sister while his parents went to town shopping. He decided to go fishing and he had to take her along. "I'll never do that again!" he told his mother that evening. "I didn't catch a thing!" "Oh, next time I'm sure she'll be quiet and not scare the fish away," his mother said. Little Johnny said, "It wasn't that. She ate all the bait...." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A bus load of new recruits arrived at the reception center, and was greeted by an old drill sergeant. He began his speech, "Welcome to Fort Dix, men. From now on, I want you to think of the Army as your family and as your home." Hearing this, one of the recruits broke formation, sat down and lit a cigarette. "Private, what the ...... are you doing?" yelled the sergeant. "Well," said the private, "I'm just making myself at home. Like you said, this is my home." Thinking fast, the sergeant said, "Son, you listen good, and you're right. This is your home. So, as soon as you finish that cigarette, I want you to report to the mess hall to help mother with the dishes for this week." ___________________________________________________

Today February 28 in
1827 The Baltimore & Ohio Railroad became the first railroad
incorporated for commercial transportation of people and freight.

1844 Several people were killed aboard the USS Princeton when a
12-inch gun exploded. 

1849 Regular steamboat service to California via Cape Horn
arrived in San Francisco for the first time. The SS California
had left New York Harbor on October 6, 1848. The trip took 4
months and 21 days. 

1854 The Republican Party was organized in Ripon, WI. About 50
slavery opponents began the new political group. 

1881 Thomas Edison hired Samuel Insull as his private secretary. 

1885 AT&T (American Telephone and Telegraph) was incorporated.
The company was capitalized on only $100,000 and provided long
distance service for American Bell. 

1893 Edward G. Acheson showed his patent for Carborundum. 

1900 In South Africa, British troops relieved Ladysmith, which
had been under siege since November 2, 1899. 

1951 A Senate committee issued a report that stated that there
were at least two major crime syndicates in the U.S. 

1953 In a Cambridge University laboratory, scientists James D.
Watson and Francis H.C. Crick discovered the double-helix
structure of DNA. 

1954 In San Francisco "Birth of a Planet" was aired. It was the
first American phase-contrast cinemicrography film to be
presented on television. 

1956 A patent was issued to Forrester for a computer memory core.

1962 The John Glenn for President club was formed by a group of
Las Vegas republicans. 

1974 The U.S. and Egypt re-established diplomatic relations after
a break of seven years. 

1979 Mr. Ed, the talking horse from the TV show "Mr. Ed", died. 

1983 "M*A*S*H" became the most watched television program in
history when the final episode aired. 

1986 Swedish Prime Minister Olof Palme was assassinated in

1993 U.S. Federal agents raided the compound of an armed
religious cult in Waco, TX. The ATF had planned to arrest the
leader of the Branch Davidians, David Koresh, on federal firearms
charges. Four agents and six Davidians were killed and a 51-day
standoff followed. 

1994 NATO made its first military strike when U.S. F-16 fighters
shot down four Bosnian Serb warplanes in violation of a no-fly
zone over central Bosnia. 

1995 The Denver International Airport opened after a 16-month

1998 Serbian police began a campaign to wipe out "terrorist
gangs" in the Yugoslav province of Kosovo. 

2001 The Northwest region of the U.S., including the state of
Washington, was hit by an earthquake that measured 6.9 on the
Richter Scale. There were no deaths reported. 

2002 In Ahmadabad, India, Hindus set fire to homes in a Muslim
neighborhood. At least 55 people were killed in the attack. 

2002 Sotheby's auction house announced that it had identified
Peter Paul Reubens as the creator of the painting "The Massacre
of the Innocents." The painting was previously thought to be by
Jan van den Hoecke. 

2007 NASA's New Horizons spacecraft made a gravitational
slingshot against Jupiter to change the planned trajectory
towards Pluto. 

2013 Benedict XVI resigned as pope. He was the first pope to
resign since Gregory XII in 1415 and the first to resign
voluntarily since Celestine V in 1294. 

2019  smiled.

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Checking your drivers 

Good Morning, !

Today is Wednesday, February 27

Today's Bonehead Award: 
"Naked And Belligerent" 
Florida Woman Busted

Today, February 27 in
1997 In Ireland, divorce became legal. 
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale. --- Arthur C. Clarke (1917 - ) Clarke was claiming in the 60s that your muscle cars were bringing on an ice age. In the 90's Al Gore used the same arguments to claim that your cars were bringing on Gullible Warming. Well, the Gullible Warming cycle has peaked and it is time for the "Ice Age is coming!" scare again. ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Charley, a new retiree greeter at Walmart, just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5, 10, sometimes 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean shaven, sharp minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly" policies. One day the boss was in a real quandary about how to deal with it. Finally, he called him into the office for a talk. "Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang on job, but your being late so often is quite bothersome." "Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it." "Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear. It's odd though, your coming in late. I know you're retired from the Armed Forces. What did they say if you came in late there?" "They said, 'Good morning, General. Tea or coffee this morning, sir?'" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Two buddies are fishing, but they haven't caught anything all day. Then another fisherman walks by with a huge load of fish. They ask him, "Excuse me, but where did you get all those fish?" The other fisherman replies, "If you just go down the stream until the water isn't salty, you will find a ton of hungry fish." They thank him and go on their way. Fifteen minutes later, one fisherman says to the other, "Fill the bucket up with water and see if the water is salty." He dips the bucket in the stream and drinks some. "Nope. Still salty." Thirty minutes later, he asks him to check again. "Nope, still salty." One hour later they check again. "Nope. Still salty." "This isn't good," one fisherman finally says. "We have been walking for almost two hours and the water is still salty!" "I know," says the other. "And the bucket is almost empty!" ______________________________________________________ Manarola, Italy _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ Correction: Tom told me that yesterday's Fentanyl mule is actually in Virginia. An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Samantha Jewel Hernandez, 21, Vero Beach, Florida "Naked And Belligerent" Florida Woman Busted Cops today arrested a “naked and belligerent” Florida Woman for allegedly attacking her fiancée after he declined to have sex with her, according to a police report. Officers responding early this morning to a disturbance call at a Vero Beach apartment building encountered Samantha Jewel Hernandez, 21, sans clothes and in an ornery mood. Hernandez (pictured at right) denied doing anything to her fiancée, “but was too intoxicated” to provide further information. The victim, 21, told police that Hernandez “wanted to engage him in sexual intercourse,” which he declined. “Hernandez was angry at the fact that [the victim] did not want to have sex and began attacking him, striking him in the face and ripping his shirt.” Cops noted that the man had scratches on his face and neck and was wearing a torn shirt. Hernandez was then arrested on a misdemeanor domestic battery charge based on her boyfriend’s statements and “injuries observed on scene.” Hernandez, who works as a cashier, and the victim have lived together for two years, cops reported. After being placed in the rear of a police cruiser, Hernandez “maliciously spit” on the arm of a patrolman “while yelling profanities.” As a result, she was charged with battery on a police officer, a felony. A judge today scheduled Hernandez’s arraignment for April 12 and ordered her to have no contact with her fiancée. Hernandez, seen in the below mug shot, is being held in the county jail in lieu of $6000 bond.
>From Loretta Re: Are my drivers up to date? Dear DearWebby I keep getting ads for checking my drivers. Most of them seem BS, because they are way too wordy. If it takes that many pages to sell something, it usually is boohl sheet. Since everything works, do I really have to worry about my drivers? Thanks Loretta Dear Loretta You are right. When everything works, don't f***, ahem, mess with it. If you are curious about your drivers, hit START and type dxdiag and hit ENTER. Then go get a coffee. When you come back you have the Direct X Diagnostic tool open. Yes, that is indeed a lot more information than you really need, but you can goof around in that. It might point out the odd unsigned or out of date driver. You don't have to panic about that. A lot of those devices don't have new drivers available. Remember the spectacular failure of VISTA and Windows8, that failed mostly because of a lack of drivers? Printer and scanner and camera companies did not bother to produce VISTA drivers for sold and paid for devices. The same thing is still going on. It may be interesting to check all that out, but if something works, don't worry about it. Have Fun! DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
This Christian couple felt it important to own an equally Christian pet. So, they went shopping. At a kennel specializing in this particular breed, they found a dog they liked quite a lot. When they asked the dog to fetch the Bible, he did it in a flash. When they instructed him to look up Psalm 23, he complied equally fast, using his paws with dexterity. They were impressed, purchased the animal, and went home. That night they had friends over. They were so proud of their new dog and his major skills, they called the dog and showed off a little. The friends were impressed, and asked whether the dog was able to do any of the usual dog tricks, as well. This stopped the couple cold, as they hadn't thought about "normal" tricks. Well, they said, "Let's try this out." Once more they called the dog, and they clearly pronounced the command, "Heel!" Quick as a wink, the dog jumped up, put his paw on the man's forehead, closed his eyes in concentration, looked up at the light and started to howl. "Oh, Nooooooh! He's a Pentecostal!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Thanks to Dave for bringing back this delightful classic: A preacher, who shall we say was "humor impaired," attended a conference to help encourage and better equip pastors for their ministry. Among the presenters were many well-known and dynamic speakers. One such boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the entire crowd's attention, said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was another man's wife!" The crowd was shocked! He followed up by saying, "And that woman was my mother!" The crowd burst into laughter and he delivered the rest of his talk, which went over quite well. The next week, the pastor decided he'd give this humor thing a try and use that joke in his sermon. As he approached the pulpit that sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It suddenly seemed a bit foggy to him. Getting to the microphone, he said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman that was another man's wife!" The congregation inhaled half the air in the room. After standing there for almost 10 seconds in the stunned silence, trying to recall the second half of the joke, the pastor finally blurted out, "...and I can't remember who she was!" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Rain Checks If a store runs out of an item that is on sale, ask them for a rain check. Rain checks allow you to pay the sale price for the item at a later date. If the store can't give you a rain check, take the ad to a competitor to see if they will price match. ____________________________________________________
Unbelievable places that really exist.
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Martin for this story: An overweight man was waiting in line at a bank. There were two teenage boys in line behind him. They were giggling and making fun of how fat the man was. After five minutes of this the man turned to the boys and asked them politely to stop, as he couldn't help his weight problem. With this the boys asked, "Oh, and why are you so fat Mister?" The Man turned around and replied: "Well, every time I messed with your mother, she gave me a cookie." ___________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this story: Panicking when her toddler swallowed a tiny magnet, my sister, Betty, rushed him to the emergency room. "He'll be fine," the doctor promised her. "The magnet should pass through his system in a day or two." "How will I be sure?" she pressed. "Well," the doctor suggested, "you could stick him on the refrigerator. When he falls off, you'll know." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A mother and a daughter are shopping in the mall, when the mother eyes an expensive fur coat. "This year," she says, "I think that I will buy my present instead of making you and Dad shop for me." The daughter nods in agreement. "And I think this fur coat would be perfect too." The daughter protests, "But Mom, some helpless, poor creature has to suffer so that you can have this." "Don't worry, honey," says the mother. "Your father won't get the bill for a couple of weeks." ___________________________________________________

Today February 27 in
1700 The Pacific Island of New Britain was discovered. 

1827 New Orleans held its first Mardi Gras celebration. 

1861 In Warsaw, Russian troops fired on a crowd protesting
Russian rule over Poland. Five protesting marchers were killed in
the incident. 

1867 Dr. William G. Bonwill invented the dental mallet. 

1883 Oscar Hammerstein patented the first cigar-rolling machine. 

1896 The "Charlotte Observer" published a picture of an X-ray
photograph made by Dr. H.L. Smith. The photograph showed a
perfect picture of all the bones of a hand and a bullet that
Smith had placed between the third and fourth fingers in the

1900 In South Africa, the British received an unconditional
surrender from Boer Gen. Piet Cronje at Paardeberg. 

1922 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the 19th Amendment that
guaranteed women the right to vote. 

1933 The Reichstag, Germany's parliament building in Berlin, was
set afire. The Nazis accused Communists for the fire. 

1939 The U.S. Supreme Court outlawed sit-down strikes. 

1949 Chaim Weizmann became the first Israeli president. 

1951 The 22nd Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was ratified,
limiting U.S. Presidents to two terms. 

1972 The Shanghai Communique was issued by U.S. President Nixon
and Chinese Premier Chou En-lai. 

1973 The American Indian Movement occupied Wouned Knee in South

1981 Chrysler Corporation was granted an additional $400 million
in federal loan guarantees. Chrysler had posted a loss of $1.7
billion in 1980. 

1982 Wayne B. Williams was convicted of murdering two of the 28
black children and young adults whose bodies were found in
Atlanta, GA, over a two-year period. 

1986 The U.S. Senate approved the telecast of its debates on a
trial basis. 

1990 The Exxon Corporation and Exxon Shipping were indicted on
five criminal counts in reference to the 1989 Exxon Valdez oil

1991 U.S. President George H.W. Bush announced live on television
that "Kuwait is liberated." 

1997 In Ireland, divorce became legal. 

1998 Britain's House of Lords agreed to give a monarch's first-
born daughter the same claim to the throne as any first-born son.
This was the end to 1,000 years of male preference. 

1999 Colin Prescot and Andy Elson set a new hot air balloon
endurance record when they had been aloft for 233 hours and 55
minutes. The two were in the process of trying to circumnavigate
the Earth. 

1999 Nigeria returned to civilian rule when Gen. Olusegun
Obasanjo became the country's first elected president since
August of 1983. 

2002 In Boston, twenty people working at Logan International
Airport were charged with lying to get their jobs or security

2019  smiled.

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How to identify your computer in filters 

Good Morning, !

Today is Tuesday, February 26

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Ex-"American Idol" contestant was arrested 
with enough fentanyl to kill 415,000 people

Today, February 26 in
1930 New York City installed traffic lights. 
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Conceit is God's gift to little men. --- Bruce Barton I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. I see a woman with a tattoo, and I'm thinking, okay, here's a gal who's willing to make a decision she'll regret in the future." --- Richard Jeni ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ An enormously wealthy 65-year-old man falls in love with a young woman in her twenties and is contemplating a proposal. "Do you think she'd marry me if I tell her I'm 45?" he asked a friend. "Your chances are better," said the friend, "if you tell her you're 90." ------- Hey, Ladies! I am not enormously wealthy, but before my fist sip of coffee in the morning, I feel like I was 90. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Bernie was unfortunate enough to be hit by a truck and ended up in the hospital. His best friend Morris came to visit him. Bernie struggles to tell Morris, "My wife Sadie visits me three times a day. She's so good to me. Every day, she reads to me at the bedside." "What does she read?" asks Morris. "My life insurance policy." ______________________________________________________ Do you see the dragon? _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Antonella Barba, 32, Norfolk, New Jersey Ex-"American Idol" contestant was arrested with enough fentanyl to kill 415,000 people A former "American Idol" and "Fear Factor" contestant was arrested last October with enough fentanyl to kill 415,000 people, according to an analysis by The Virginian-Pilot using Drug Enforcement Administration statistics. But before Antonella Barba was indicted earlier this month in federal court, she was doing well on bond while awaiting trial on related charges in state court. With the support of federal prosecutors, U.S. Magistrate Judge Lawrence R. Leonard agreed Wednesday to let Barba, 32, live with her parents in New Jersey while she waits for her new trial. Barba will be released Thursday after she is fitted with a special monitor that will make sure she follows a curfew. If she violates the terms of her release, her father could be forced to pay $10,000. No trial is currently scheduled in U.S. District Court in Norfolk. According to court documents and prosecutors, Barba is one of eight members of a drug conspiracy that was active in Hampton Roads from at least late 2017 through the fall of 2018. All but one of them are now in custody. Norfolk police arrested Barba around 11:30 a.m. Oct. 11, 2018, in the 500 block of Duke Street, according to a department spokesman. The indictment said Justin Michael Isaac directed her that day to deliver about 830 grams of fentanyl to a conspirator. That is almost two pounds. According to the DEA, 2 mgs — or 0.002 grams — of fentanyl is lethal to most people. That means they got the dope for over 400,000 capital punishments. No more lame brained excuses!
>From Ann Re: Identifying your computer in filters Dear DearWebby I agree that the forged sender spam is getting out of hand. Now, how do I identify my computer to allow real mail from myself to go through, -I do send memos and important stuff to myself-, but let filters grab any forged mail? Ann Dear Ann Send a mail to yourself and look at the header. In there you will see the machine name, that you gave your machine, when you set up your home network. It will be something like "Ann5". Then use your MailWasher to make a filter to nuke all mail with your address in the FROM field, except when "Ann5" is in the entire header. Simple, but 100% effective. Have Fun! DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Thanks to Roland for this story: A Mexican maid asked for a pay increase. The wife was very upset about this and asked: "Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?" Maria: "Well Señora, there are three reasons why I want an increase. The first is that I iron better than you." Wife: "Who said you iron better than me?" Maria: "Your husband said so." Wife: "Oh." Maria: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you." Wife: "Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?" Maria: "Your husband did." Wife: "Oh." Maria: "My third reason is that I am a better lover than you." Wife (really furious now): "Did my husband say that as well?" Maria: "No Señora, the postman did." She got the raise.
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Three women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress, are chatting about their relationships and decide to amaze their men.... that night all three will wear a leather bodice S&M style, stilettos and mask over their eyes After a few days they meet again..... The engaged girlfriend said: "The other night, when my boyfriend came back home, he found me in the leather bodice, 4" stilettos and mask. He said, "You are the woman of my life, I love you... then we made love all night long." The mistress stated: "Oh Yes! The other night we met in his office. I was wearing the leather bodice, mega stilettos, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat, he didn't say a word. We just had wild sex all night." The married one then said: "The other night I sent the kids to stay at my mother's for the night, I got myself ready, leather bodice, super stilettos and mask over my eyes. My husband came in from work, grabbed the TV controller and a beer, and said, "Hey Batman, what's for dinner?" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Treat Carpet Stains Immediately Treat spills quickly for the best chance of avoiding a stain. Much can be removed if you immediately blot with a towel. If you have kids, make sure they know that they need to tell you about spills immediately so they do not have time to set. ____________________________________________________
___________________________________________________ An American tourist was visiting a small village in Ireland when there was a sudden gust of wind which blew his hat off into the middle of a nearby pond. Walking over to a local, who was sitting beside the pond, the tourist asked, "Say, son, how deep is this pond?" "Oh, only a few inches," replied the local. After taking his shoes off and rolling his trousers up over his knees, the tourist stepped into the pond to retrieve his hat and, within a few seconds, was completely submerged in the water. Swimming out to the middle of the pond he finally reached his hat, and then struggled back to edge. Climbing out, he turned to the local and screamed, "Hey you, I thought you said that pond was only a few inches deep!" "Well," shrugged the local, "the water only comes half way up that duck over there." ___________________________________________________ I met a man who had been married for 66 years. "Amazing. 66 years!" I said. "What's the secret to such a long, happy marriage?" "Well," he replied, "It's like this. The man makes all the big decisions and the woman just makes the little decisions." "Really?" I responded. "Does that really work?" "Oh, yes," he said proudly. "66 years, and so far, not one big decision!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Sandie for this story: Because my mother had a habit of losing her cordless phone, I bought her a phone with a clip on it so she could attach it directly to her belt. A few days later, I walked into my mother's home and found her standing in the middle of the living room, halfway dressed. That didn't strike me as odd so much as the fact that she was holding her pants to the side of her head and speaking into them. "Don't look at me that way," she yelled. "The phone started ringing and I couldn't figure out how to undo this stupid clip!" ___________________________________________________

Today February 26 in
1815 Napoleon Bonaparte escaped from the Island of Elba. He then
began his second conquest of France. 

1848 The second French Republic was proclaimed. 

1863 U.S. President Lincoln signed the National Currency Act. 

1870 In New York City, the first pneumatic-powered subway line
was opened to the public. (Beach Pneumatic Transit) 

1881 S.S. Ceylon began his world-wide cruise, beginning in
Liverpool, England. 

1907 The U.S. Congress raised their own pay to $7500. 

1916 Mutual signed Charlie Chaplin to a film contract. 

1919 In Arizona, the Grand Canyon was established as a National
Park with an act of the U.S. Congress. 

1929 U.S. President Coolidge signed a bill creating the Grand
Teton National Park. 

1930 New York City installed traffic lights. 

1933 A ground-breaking ceremony was held at Crissy Field for the
Golden Gate Bridge. 

1945 In the U.S., a nationwide midnight curfew went into effect. 

1952 British Prime Minister Winston Churchill announced that
Britain had developed an atomic bomb. The US had given Britain
and France the necessary information.

1979 "Flatbush" debuted on CBS-TV. 

1986 Corazon Aquino was inaugurated president of the Philippines.
Long time President Ferdinand Marcos went into exile. 

1987 The Tower Commission rebuked U.S. President Reagan for
failing to control his national security staff in the wake of the
Iran-Contra affair. 

1987 The U.S.S.R. conducted its first nuclear weapons test after
a 19-month moratorium period. 

1991 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein announced on Baghdad Radio
that Iraqi troops were being withdrawn from Kuwait. 

1993 Six people were killed and more than a thousand injured when
a van exploded in the parking garage beneath the World Trade
Center in New York City. The bomb had been built by Islamic

1995 Barings PLC collapsed after a securities dealer lost more
than $1.4 billion by gambling on Tokyo stock prices. The company
was Britain's oldest investment banking firm. 

1998 A Texas jury rejected an $11 million lawsuit by Texas
cattlemen who blamed Oprah Winfrey for price drop after on-air
comment about mad-cow disease. 

1998 In Oregon, a health panel rules that taxpayers must help to
pay for doctor-assisted suicides. 

2001 A U.N. tribunal convicted Bosnian Croat political leader
Dario Kordic and military commander Mario Cerkez of war crimes.
They had ordered the systematic murder and persecution of Muslim
civilians during the Bosnian war. 

2002 In Rome, Italy, a bomb exploded near the Interior Ministry.
No injuries were reported. 

2009 Former Serbian president Milan Milutinovic was acquitted by
the International Criminal Tribunal for the former Yugoslavia
regarding war crimes during the Kosovo War. 

2009 The Pentagon reveresed its 18-year policy of not allowing
media to cover returning war dead. The reversal allowsd some
media coverage with family approval.

2019  smiled.

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Mailer daemon returns 

Good Morning, !

Today is Monday, February 25

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Police Cage Prowler Wearing Gorilla Suit

Today, February 25 in
1836 Samuel Colt received U.S. Patent No. 138 (later 9430X) 
for a "revolving-cylinder pistol." It was his first patent. 
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) The trouble with our times is that the future is not what it used to be. --- Paul Valery (1871 - 1945) ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Bob was having marital problems. So he went to his psychiatrist for a little help. The shrink says "when you get home, throw down your briefcase, run to her, embrace her, take off her clothes, and yours, and make mad passionate love to her." In two weeks Bob was back in the shrink's office. The shrink asked "How did it go?" Bob said, "She hasn't talked to me since, but her bridge club got quite a kick out of it." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A woman woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from their bed. In the stillness of the house, she could hear a muffled sound downstairs. She went downstairs and looked all around, still not finding her husband. Listening again, she could definitely hear moaning. She went down to the basement to find her husband, crouched in the corner facing the wall, crying. She asked him, "What's wrong with you?" He replied, "Remember when your father caught us together, when you were 16? Remember he said that I had a choice, I could either marry you, or be sent away to prison for the next 20 years." Baffled, she said, "Yes." The husband bawled, "I would have been released from prison today." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jeremie Joseph Moran, 34, Vinton, Louisiana Police Cage Prowler Wearing Gorilla Suit A man wearing a gorilla costume last week broke into a Louisiana residence, according to cops who fought with the suspect after finding him hiding under a mattress. Police in Sulphur, a city about 20 miles east of the Texas border, responded Wednesday evening to a call about a suspicious man--dressed in an all-black outfit--prowling around homes and peering into windows. When officers located the suspect--later identified as Jeremie Joseph Moran, 34--he fled into a nearby residence, ignoring police demands to stop. During a subsequent search of the home, cops found Moran (seen above) beneath a mattress. He was wearing a "black gorilla suit" at the time, investigators say. Moran tussled with cops trying to handcuff him, but he was eventually subdued and placed under arrest. He was charged with multiple offenses, including unauthorized entry of an inhabited dwelling, methamphetamine possession, resisting a police officer with violence or force, and wearing a mask or hood in public. Moran, who lives in the neighboring city of Vinton, remains caged on the felony and misdemeanor counts at the Calcasieu Correctional Center. Asked about the defendant's gorilla outfit, a police spokesperson said that "the only reason" Moran would have opted for the costume "was the possibility of the drugs he was using."
>From Ted Re: Mailer Daemon returns Dear DearWebby I have had a few mailer daemon returns like this one I just received. Sorry. Your message could not be delivered to: joshua croft,DCSD Mail (The name was not found at the remote site. Check that the name has been entered correctly.) The problem is I never sent a message to the delivery addresses on these Daemon returns. Could spyware be using my computer to send messages that I am unaware of. If so what can I do about it? Ted Dear Ted There is a lot of spam coming out of that server, so much in fact that the blacklists flag it as bad. Part of that is probably due to Yahoo addresses being available to spammers, who forge them as return addresses. When spam, that has your address forged as the return address, bounces back from a full or no longer working address, it of course bounces to you. Just make a filter with MailWasher to trash mail that has your return or sender address but not your machine ID. Have Fun! DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
The social studies teacher had just finished a unit on war and peace. "How many of you," he asked, "would say you're opposed to war?" Not surprisingly, all hands went up. The teacher asked, "who'll give us the reason for being opposed to war?" A large, bored-looking boy in the back of the room raised his hand. "Johnny?" The teacher said. "I hate war," Johnny said, "because wars make history, and I hate history."
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The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution: "You don't want to try these techniques at home." "Why not?" asked someone from the back of the audience. "I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of trips to the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying just a single item at a time. 'Hon,' I suggested, 'Why don't you try carrying several things at once?'" The voice from the back asked, "Did it save time?" The expert replied, "Actually, yes. It used to take her 20 minutes to get breakfast ready. Now I do it in seven." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Removing a Bumper Sticker To remove a bumper sticker from a metal bumper, dampen the sticker with vinegar, lighter fluid, or nail polish remover and scrape the sticker off with a razor blade. Be sure to test your cleaning solution in an inconspicuous place before using it on a plastic bumper. Most bumper stickers can be peeled off easily, if heated with a hair dryer or heat gun. Have FUN DearWebby ____________________________________________________
Artist Crochets Balaclavas, Then Turns Them Into Wild Masks With Yarn. Check out her Instagram page.
___________________________________________________ It was a difficult subject to bring before his aged mother, but John felt that he must. "Mom, you are no longer a spring chicken and you do need to think ahead of what will happen in the future. Why don't we make arrangements about when..... you know... when.... God forbid... you pass on?" The mother didn't say anything, just sat there staring ahead. "I mean, Mom, like.... how do you want to finally go? Do you want to be buried? Cremated?" There was yet another long pause. Then the mother looked up and said, "Son, why don't you simply surprise me?" ___________________________________________________ The teen-aged beauty was telling a friend that she was really worried about her mother. It seems she's always fatigued from staying up all night long. Her friend asked, "What's she doing staying up all night? At her age, that's not good at all." The girl replied, "Waiting for me to come home." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Little Johnny wasn't getting good marks in school. One day he surprised the teacher with an announcement. Being a good foot taller than her, he tapped her on the shoulder and said, "I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't get better grades... SOMEBODY is going to get a spanking." ___________________________________________________

Today February 25 in
1570 England's Queen Elizabeth I was excommunicated by Pope Pius

1751 Edward Willet displayed the first trained monkey act in the

1836 Samuel Colt received U.S. Patent No. 138 (later 9430X) for a
"revolving-cylinder pistol." It was his first patent. 

1901 The United States Steel Corp. was incorporated by J.P.

1913 The 16th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was ratified. It
authorized a graduated income tax. 

1919 The state of Oregon became the first state to place a tax on
gasoline. The tax was 1 cent per gallon. 

1928 The Federal Radio Commission issued the first U.S.
television license to Charles Jenkins Laboratories in Washington,

1930 The bank check photographing device was patented. 

1933 The aircraft carrier Ranger was launched. It was the first
ship in the U.S. Navy to be designed and built from the keel up
as an aircraft carrier. 

1837 Thomas Davenport patented the first commercial electrical
motor. There was no practical electical distribution system
available and Davenport went bankrupt. 

1940 The New York Rangers and the Montreal Canadiens played in
the first hockey game to be televised in the U.S. The game was
aired on W2WBS in New York with one camera in a fixed position.
The Rangers beat the Canadiens 6-2. 

1948 Communists seized power in Czechoslovakia. 

1956 Soviet leader Nikita Khrushchev criticized the late Josef
Stalin in a speech before a Communist Party congress in Moscow. 

1972 Germany gave a $5 million ransom to Arab terrorists who had
hijacked a jumbo jet. 

1986 Filippino President Ferdinand E. Marcos fled the Philippines
after 20 years of rule after a tainted election. 

1999 William King was sentenced to death for the racial murder of
James Byrd Jr in Jasper, TX. Two other men charged were later
convicted for their involvement. 

1999 In Moscow, China's Prime Minister Zhu Rongji and Russia's
President Boris Yeltsin discussed trade and other issues. 

2005 Dennis Rader was arrested for the BTK serial killings in
Wichita, KS. He later pleaded guilty and was sentenced to 10 life
prison terms.

2019  smiled.

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Try Opera to bypass browser hijackers 

Good Morning, !

Today is Sunday, February 24

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Port Richey mayor shot at deputies 
serving warrant for illegal medical practice

Today, February 23 in
1903 In Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, an area was leased to the U.S. for
a naval base. 
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Any man who afflicts the human race with ideas must be prepared to see them misunderstood. --- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) A coward is incapable of exhibiting love; it is the prerogative of the brave. --- Mahatma Gandhi ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A priest and a rabbi were sitting next to each other in an airplane. After a while, the priest turned to the rabbi and asked, "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?" The rabbi responded, "Yes, that is still one of our laws." The priest then asked, "Have you ever eaten pork?" To which the rabbi replied, "Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich." The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading. A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest, "Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?" The priest replied, "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith." The rabbi then asked him, "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?" The priest replied, "Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith." The rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent, thinking, for about five minutes. Finally, the rabbi said, "Beats the hell out of a ham sandwich, doesn't it? _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Roland for this: Washing Clothes Recipe imagine having a recipe for this ! ! ! Yyears ago an Alabama grandmother gave the new bride the following recipe: this is an exact copy as written and found in an old scrapbook - with spelling errors and all. Washing Clothes build fire in backyard to heat kettle of rain water. set tubs so smoke wont blow in eyes if wind is pert. shave one hole cake of lie soap in boilin water. sort things, make 3 piles 1 pile white, 1 pile colored, 1 pile work britches and rags to make starch, stir flour in cool water to smooth, then thin down with boiling water. take white things, rub dirty spots on board, scrub hard, and boil, then rub colored... don't boil, just wrench and starch. take things out of kettle with broom stick handle, then wrench, and starch. hang old rags on fence. spread tea towels on grass. pore wrench water in flower bed. scrub porch with hot soapy water. turn tubs upside down. go put on clean dress, smooth hair with hair combs. brew cup of tea, sit and rock a spell and count your blessings. ================================== paste this over your washer and dryer. next time when you think things are bleak, read it again, kiss that washing machine and dryer, and give thanks. first thing each morning you should run and hug your washer and dryer, also your toilet ---those two-holers used to get mighty cold! for you non-southerners -wrench means rinse. :) ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Dave Toliver, East St Louis Illinois Port Richey mayor shot at deputies serving warrant for illegal medical practice The mayor of Port Richey, Florida has been arrested after deputies say he fired shots at law enforcement officers who were trying to serve a search warrant at his home Thursday. Pasco County Sheriff Chris Nocco compared the alleged crimes of the 68-year-old mayor, Dale Glen Massad, with those of shamed former D.C. mayor Marion Barry. Now, county and state officials are investigating the shooting as well as a possible illegal medical practice Massad was allegedly running from his Port Richey home. It started early Thursday morning when Pasco County Sheriff's Office SWAT officers showed up at the home, located at 8221 Hayward Lane. They were there to serve a warrant related to allegations Massad was still practicing medicine despite having his medical license revoked in 1992, according to the Florida Department of Law Enforcement. FDLE said One medical procedure he allegedly performed sent the patient to the hospital. When SWAT arrived, the sheriff's office said they “announced their presence” and tried to enter. That’s when bullets flew toward the SWAT members. Deputies said they did not return fire. There were no injuries and Massad was taken into custody. Sheriff Nocco said during a press conference Thursday that Massad may face multiple charges of attempted homicide against law enforcement officials. "He's lucky he's not dead," Nocco said. "Every day those members put their lives on the line. They're lucky to go home." Nocco said there is a suspicion that Massad was under the influence of drugs at the time of the shooting and made comments to officers about not going back to jail. "When somebody says 'I'm not going back to jail' that either means it's going to be a shootout, they're either going to flee from us somehow...or possibly suicide by cop," Nocco said. "He's the one who made the decision to shoot [at] us. He's the one who is going to jail." It's not the first time Massad was arrested. In August 2018, Massad was arrested on a domestic battery charge.
From: Richi Re: Found browser that works Hi webby ,i finally came accross a broswer that works, after d/l and uninstalling various ones,i d/l opera browser and went to see if it would open up links when i clicked on them and sure enough this one did.its so weird how the google browser was acting like that maybe there was a glitch in it but it was strange it was doing that after using it for so long..i added my bookmarks to it. do you think it would be okay to uninstall the other one?tyvm for all of your help.its gr8tly appreciated Richi Dear Richi That is why I suggested UNinstalling your browsers and trying that list of browsers, in the hope, that your resident hijacker did not have power over at least one of the browsers. Opera is actually made for Mac machines, but it works well enough on Windows. Opera has much better font rendering and is the preferred browser for reading large text documents. Easist on the eyes! So, now you know that the problem is due to a resident hijacker. There are lots of programs on the net for getting rid of hijackers, most of them free. Pick one that you like, and run it to clean up your machine. Hijackers are NOT viruses, because they don't propagate on their own. You get them as payload on unsavory stuff. Run Malwarebytes! It may clean that Hijacker, even though it is not a virus. Try it anyway. You probably have other bad shit on the machine too. A popular anti Hijacker program is HijackThis! It is a bit tedious to run, but very thorough. You get it at If you don't like it, there are plenty of other anti-Hijackers on the net. The easiest is checking browser extensions and dumping any, that you don't absolutely need. Have Fun! DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde woman from Louisiana arrived ....and bet twenty-thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice. She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless.' With that, she stripped to the waist; rolled the dice; and yelled, 'Come on, baby.... Southern Girl needs new clothes!' As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up-and-down... and squealed... 'YES! YES! I WON ! I WON !' She hugged each of the dealers.. and then picked up her winnings and her clothes, and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumfounded. Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?' The other answered, 'I don't know... I thought you were watching.' Moral of this story --- Not all Southerners are stupid. Not all blondes are dumb. But, all men ..... are men.
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THINGS YOU'D LOVE TO SAY OUT LOUD AT WORK.... 1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit. 2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce. 3. How about never? Is never good for you? 4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public. 5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way. 6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter. 7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message. 8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant. 9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a damn word you're saying. 10. Ahhh... I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again. 11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid. 12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers. 13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a damn. 14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth. 15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you. 16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. 17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist. 18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental. 19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks! 20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant. 21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off. 22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial. 23. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...? 24. Do I look like a people person? 25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting. 26. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left. 27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer. 28. If I throw a stick, will you leave? 29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed. 30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed. 31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality. 32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door. 33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1? 34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses. 35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it? 36. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done. 37. How do I set a laser printer to stun? 38. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary. 39. Who lit the fuse on your tampon? 40. Oh I get it... like humor... but different. ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Keeping Batteries Fresh To prevent batteries from wearing down if a flashlight is accidentally nudged on while you're traveling, put the flashlight batteries in backwards or don't put them in the flashlight at all until needed. Instead of putting batteries in backwards, just put a bit of masking tape over the end of one battery. Leave the tape sticking out as a handle to extract the "locked" battery. Keep in mind that the jokers at Security like turning devices on to see if they are real, but often forget to turn them off again. You have all heard of razors and vibrators humming and the owner having to open the suitcase and turn them off, while everybody else was chuckling or laughing. It happened to my nephew too. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________
The Shirk Report
___________________________________________________ First golfer, Bill: "What was your score?" Bob: "Seventy-two." Bill: "That's not too bad at all!" Bob: "Thanks! I hope I'll do better on the second hole." ___________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this story: A young man was applying for a job with a big company. "I'm sorry," said the personnel manager, "but the firm is over staffed. We have more employees now than we really need." "That's all right," replied the young man, undiscouraged. "The work I do is never noticed anyway." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Cookie for sending this picture: Magic Tap in Cadiz, Spain I was about 6 years old when I saw a magic tap for my first time. It was at some trade show and a brewery used it as an attention getting gag. The man at the booth delighted in being sadistic and not telling me how it worked. The Magic Tap was in a big aquarium style glass showcase, that had an electrical cord going to it. Since I was becoming a pest with my insistent questioning, dad dragged me on to the other displays. Well, a while later I circled back, checked where that electrical cord went. It ws a long extension cord that snaked along and behind quite a few booths all the way to the end wall. Naturally I unplugged it. The Magic Tap flow stopped and revealed a pipe that had been hidden by the flow. Simple. Because I was mad at the bozo who had refused to tell me, I left the cord unplugged and scurried away. ___________________________________________________

Today February 24 in
1839 Mr. William S. Otis received a patent for the steam shovel. 

1903 In Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, an area was leased to the U.S. for
a naval base. 

1925 A thermit bomb was used for the first time. It was used to
break up a 250,000-ton ice jam that had clogged the St. Lawrence
River near Waddington, NY. 

1938 The first nylon bristle toothbrush was made. It was the
first time that nylon yarn had been used commercially. 

1942 The U.S. Government stopped shipments of all 12-gauge
shotguns for sporting use for the wartime effort. 

1945 During World War II, the Philippine capital of Manilla, was
liberated by U.S. soldiers. 

1946 Juan Peron was elected president of Argentina. 

1956 The city of Cleveland invoked a 1931 law that barred people
under the age of 18 from dancing in public without an adult

1980 NBC premiered the TV movie "Harper Valley P.T.A." 

1981 Buckingham Palace announced the engagement of Britain's
Prince Charles to Lady Diana Spencer. 

1983 A U.S.congressional commission released a report that
condemned the internment of Japanese-Americans during World War

1987 An exploding supernova was discovered in the Large
Magellanic Cloud galaxy. 

1988 The U.S. Supreme Court overturned a $200,000 award to Rev.
Jerry Falwell that had been won against "Hustler" magazine. The
ruling expanded legal protections for parody and satire. 

1989 Iran’s Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini sentenced Salman Rushdie
to death for his novel "The Satanic Verses". A bounty of one to
three-million-dollars was also put on Rushidie's head. 

1989 A United Airlines 747 jet rips open in flight killing 9
people. The flight was from Honolulu to New Zealand. 

1997 In the U.S. the Food and Drug Administration named six
brands of birth control as safe and effective "morning-after"
pills for preventing pregnancy. 

1999 In southeast China, a domestic airliner crashed killing all
64 passengers. 

2007 The Virginia General Assembly passed a resolution expressing
"profound regret" for the state's role in slavery. 

2008 Cuba's parliament named Raul Castro president. His brother
Fidel had ruled for nearly 50 years.

2019  smiled.

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CD reader for DVDs 

Good Morning, !

Today is Saturday, February 23

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Man accused of throwing toilet through 
front glass of E STL Board of 
Education building

Today, February 23 in
2000 Robby Knievel made a successful motorcycle jump of 200 feet
over an oncoming train. 
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I'm an idealist. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way. --- Carl Sandburg (1878 - 1967), ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A third grade teacher was getting to know her pupils on the first day of school. She turned to one little girl and asked, "What does your Daddy do?" The girl replied, "Whatever my Mommy tells him to do." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Angela for bringing back this classic: My Mother taught me... 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning." 2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." 3 My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!" 4. My mother taught me LOGIC. " Because I said so, that's why." 5 My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me." 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident." 7. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about." 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper." 9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!" 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone." 11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it." 12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!" 13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out." 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your father!" 15. My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do." 16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get home." 17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!" 18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way." 19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?" 20. My mother taught me HUMOUR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me." 21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up." 22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father." 23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?" 24. My mother taught me WISDOM "When you get to be my age, you'll understand." 25. And my favourite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you ______________________________________________________ Polkadotter _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Dave Toliver, East St Louis Illinois Man accused of throwing toilet through front glass of E STL Board of Education building Police said they found him a short time later near the intersection of 11th and Cleveland. Officers said he was sitting on another toilet. A man is facing a property damage charge after police said he threw a toilet through the glass at the front of the East St. Louis Board of Education building. Police said they were called to the building at 10th and State Streets. When they got there, people in the building said Dave Toliver, a 36-year-old Florida man, carried the toilet to the building and threw it through the glass. Police said they found him a short time later near the intersection of 11th and Cleveland. Officers said he was sitting on another toilet. He was charged with one count of criminal property damage, a class-three felony. His bond was set at $10,000.
From: Eddie Re: CD reader for DVDs Dear DearWebby Is there is software out there that will play DVD Movies on a CD Burner? Eddie Dear Eddie No, there isn't. CD is a different format, like a different spur line railroad. Just like rail cars from European rail lines, that are based on the width of two horses asses, don't fit onto American rails, which are based on the width of three asses' butts, CD and DVD don't match. There are some DVD's that have a short version in CD format on their back side. You can play the CD side in a CD player, and don't need any special software for that. Have Fun! DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Thanks to Scorpio for this story: Reverend Ole was the pastor of the local Norwegian Lutheran Church, and Pastor Sven was the minister of the Swedish Covenant Church across the road. They had just pounded a sign into the ground, that reads: "The end is near! Turn yourself around now! Before it's too late!" As a car sped past them, the driver leaned out his window giving the finger and yelling, "Get lost you religious fruit cakes!" From the curve ahead there then followed the horrendous screeching of tires and the sickening thud of a vehicle landing in an abyss. Rev. Ole turns to Pastor Sven and asks, "Do ya tink maybe da sign should just say 'Bridge Out'?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change. One day, John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector. It was just about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late. 'Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?', they asked. 'Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project' said Tommy. The Robot then walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair. 'Son, this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you went after school.' 'We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie.' 'What did you watch?' asked Marsha. 'The Ten Commandments.' answered Tommy. The Robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair. With lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, 'I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen.' 'I'm ashamed of you Son,' said John. 'When I was your age, I never lied to my parents.' The robot then walked around to John and delivered a roundhouse right that nearly knocked him out of his chair. Marsha was bent double laughing, almost in tears. 'Boy, did you ever ask for that one! And you can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!' The Robot immediately walked around to Marsha, and slapped her... ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Mow in Different Directions Mow in a different direction each time you mow your lawn. This will help prevent wear patterns that can develop when grass is always pushed in the same direction. Mow at a right angle to the previous direction that you mowed. ____________________________________________________
This is your internet.
___________________________________________________ There was this world famous painter. In the prime of her career, she started losing her eyesight. Fearful that she might lose her life as a painter, she went to see the best eye surgeon in the world. After several weeks of delicate surgery and therapy, her eyesight was restored. The painter was so grateful that she decided to show her gratitude by repainting the doctor's office. Part of her work included painting a gigantic eye on one wall. When she had finished her work, she held a press conference to unveil her latest work of art: the doctor's office. During the press conference, one reporter noticed the eye on the wall, and asked the doctor, "What was your first reaction upon seeing your newly painted office, especially that large eye on the wall?" To this, the eye doctor responded, "I said to myself 'Thank God I'm not a gynecologist.' ___________________________________________________ >From Maria Everybody's a comedian. I called my local home improvement store for a simple piece of advice. "I know the Sheetrock is nailed to the studs," I said to the guy who answered the phone, "but how do I find the studs?" "Put an ad in the personals column." he suggested. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Seababy for this announcement: China will no longer publish a phone directory due to chaos. There were so many Wings and Wong's in THE DIRECTORY, people were always winging wong numbers. I felt you needed to know this. Seababy ___________________________________________________

Today February 23 in
1574 France began the 5th holy war against the Huguenots. 

1660 Charles XI became the king of Sweden. 

1813 The first U.S. raw cotton-to-cloth mill was founded in
Waltham, MA. 

1820 The Cato Street conspiracy was uncovered. 

1836 In San Antonio, TX, the siege of the Alamo began. 

1847 Santa Anna was defeated at the Battle of Buena Vista in
Mexico by U.S. troops under Gen. Zachary. 

1861 U.S. President-elect Abraham Lincoln arrived secretly in
Washington to take his office after an assassination attempt in

1875 J. Palisa discovered asteroid #143 (aka Adria). 

1886 Charles M. Hall completed his invention of aluminum. 

1887 The French/Italian Riviera was hit by an earthquake that
killed about 2,000. 

1896 The Tootsie Roll was introduced by Leo Hirshfield. 

1898 In France, Emile Zola was imprisoned for his letter,
"J'accuse," which accused the government of anti-Semitism and
wrongly jailing Alfred Dreyfus. 

1900 The Battle of Hart's Hill took place in South Africa between
the Boers and the British army. 

1904 The U.S. acquired control of the Panama Canal Zone for $10

1915 Nevada began enforcing convenient divorce law. 

1919 The Fascist Party was formed in Italy by Benito Mussolini. 

1927 The Federal Radio Commission began assigning frequencies,
hours of operation and power allocations for radio broadcasters.
On July 1, 1934 the name was changed to the Federal
Communications Commission (FCC). 

1932 Robert Short became the first American to die in an arial
battle with the Japanese. (more info) 

1940 Russian troops conquered Lasi Island. 

1940 Walt Disney's animated movie "Pinocchio" was released. 

1945 The 28th Regiment of the Fifth Marine Division of the U.S.
Marines reached the top of Mount Surabachi. A photograph of these
Marines raising the American flag was taken. 

1954 The first mass vaccination of children against polio began
in Pittsburgh, PA. 

1958 Juan Fangio, 5-time world diving champion, was kidnapped by
Cuban rebels. 

1966 The Bitar government in Syria was ended with a military

1970 Guyana became a republic. 

1974 The Symbionese Liberation Army demanded $4 million more for
the release of Patty Hearst. Hearst had been kidnapped on
February 4th. 

1980 Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini declared that Iran's new
parliament would have to decide the fate of the hostages taken on
November 4, 1979, at the U.S. embassy in Tehran. 

1991 During the Persian Gulf War, ground forces crossed the
border of Saudi Arabia into the country of Iraq. Less than four
days later the war was over due to the surrender or withdraw of
Iraqi forces. 

1993 Gary Coleman won a $1,280,000 lawsuit against his parents. 

1997 NBC-TV aired "Schindler's List." It was completely

1997 Ali Hassan Abu Kamal, a Palestinian teacher, opened fire on
the 86th-floor observation deck of New York City's Empire State
Building. He killed one person and wounded six more before
killing himself. 

1998 In central Florida, tornadoes killed 42 people and damaged
and/or destroyed about 2,600 homes and businesses. 

1999 In Ankara, Turkey, Abdullah Ocalan was charged with treason.
The prosecutors were seeking the death penalty for the Kurdish
rebel leader. 

1999 White supremacist John William King was found guilty of
kidnapping and murdering James Byrd Jr. Byrd was dragged behind a
truck for two miles on a country road in Texas. 

2000 Robby Knievel made a successful motorcycle jump of 200 feet
over an oncoming train. 

2005 The New York, NY, city medical examiner's office annouced
that it had exhausted all efforts to identify the remains of the
people killed at the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001,
due to the limits of DNA technology. About 1,600 people had been
identified leaving more than 1,100 unidentified.

2019  smiled.

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Speed of a computer 

Good Morning, !

Today is Thursday, February 21

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Mom wanted 15-year-old to sell marijuana at school

Today, February 21 in
1965 Malcolm X was assassinated in New York City at the age of 39
by assassins identified as Black Muslims. 
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting. --- Ronald Reagan (1911 - 2004) The last time anybody made a list of the top hundred character attributes of New Yorkers, common sense snuck in at number 179. --- Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001) ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Curious when I found two black-and-white negatives in a drawer, I had them made into prints. I was pleasantly surprised to see that they were of a younger, slimmer me, taken on one of my first dates with my husband. When I showed him the photos, his face lit up. "Wow, look at that!" he said with appreciation. "It's my old Plymouth!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ >Mark A fussy eater, my nine-year old son asked me to please buy multigrain bread.Happy that he wanted to eat so healthily, I purchased a loaf. The next morning, while making his sandwich for school, I told him how happy I was that he liked multigrain bread. "I don't," he said. "But the kid who I trade sandwiches with does." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Ann Marie Ratliff, 36, Nicholas Luke Bard, 27, Richmond, Wisconsin Mom wanted 15-year-old to sell marijuana at school A New Richmond mother accused of involving a minor in a plot to sell pot pleaded not guilty to all charges in St. Croix County Circuit Court Tuesday, according to court records, which included an additional felony possession of marijuana with intent to distribute charge. Ann Marie Ratliff, 36, of New Richmond, was charged along with Nicholas Luke Bard, 27, of Ellsworth, with felony using a child to manufacture, distribute or deliver drugs as party to a crime. The two allegedly attempted to involve teenagers known to Ratliff in the sale of marijuana after a mother discovered messages between Ratliff and her 14-year-old son concerning the price of a bag of weed, according to a criminal complaint. Bard was charged Jan. 24 in in Pierce County with felony possession of THC with intent to distribute and misdemeanor possession of drug paraphernalia, court records show. Ratliff is scheduled to make her next court appearance March 8. According to the complaint: After learning of the conversation between Ratliff and a 14-year- old friend of her son, River Falls police went to Ratliff’s home and found about 20 grams of marijuana and a gold metal pipe. Ratliff initially told police she didn’t know the drugs were there and said her son might have put them in her suitcase. Conversations found on Ratliff’s phone between her and Bard suggest they wanted minors to sell drugs for them.
>From Lana Re: Find the speed of a computer Dear DearWebby, I am considering buying a computer from an aquaintance. How can I quickly tell what speed and type it is? Lana Dear Lana Just hold down the Windows key and hit the Pause/Break key. It may take a second or two, but then Windows will show you all you need to know, even which version of Service Pack patch has been installed. Actual processor speed is not really relevant. If the machine is polluted with tons of speeder-uppers and similar utilities, it will perform much slower than a machine with an older and slower processor, but no goofy utilities. Open a word processor, see how fast it does that. Copy a big document, like the Windows EULA small print, paste it into a new document, and then do a Search/Replace. For example search for "the" and replace it with "tip". If you have done that with your old computer, then you know how many seconds that should take. Compare the time it takes on your friend's machine. THAT will give you a realistic idea of how fast the machine actually is during working conditions. Have Fun! DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
The father of a teenage daughter was concerned with the amount of time she spent on the telephone; not so much for the time she wasted (he had given up on that long ago), but because nobody else could use the phone. So, as a happy solution, he had a telephone installed for her with her own private number and directory listing. Two or three days after her telephone had been installed, he came home to find her stretched out on the floor with her feet on the living room couch and chatting away on the family telephone. Her own telephone was resting silently on her dresser. "Why are you using our telephone," he yelled. "Why aren't you talking on your own telephone?" "I can't," she said, "I'm expecting an important call on my phone."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A convicted felon was given ten years without parole for his latest crime. After 2 years in jail, he managed to escape. His escape was the lead item on the six o'clock news. Because he had to be careful, he worked his way home taking little traveled routes, running across deserted fields and taking every precaution he could think of. Eventually he arrived at his house and he rang the bell. His wife opened the door and bellowed at him, "You good-for- nothing bum! Where the hell have ya been? You escaped over 12 hours ago." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Removing Tar From Your Car Butter, creamy peanut butter, or vegetable oil applied to tar and left for 12 to 24 hours should soften to make it easier to remove. If that doesn't work, try WD-40, kerosene, or mineral spirits applied directly to the tar. This solution will mostly likely remove wax from your car as well. Removing Tar From Your Car Butter, creamy peanut butter, or vegetable oil applied to tar and left for 12 to 24 hours should soften to make it easier to remove. If that doesn't work, try WD-40, kerosene, or mineral spirits applied directly to the tar. This solution will mostly likely remove wax from your car as well. ____________________________________________________
The amazing things this man makes out of old utensils and bits and pieces of other metals. I love the birds!
___________________________________________________ While Waiting For My Blind Date. Paul got off the elevator on the 40th floor and nervously knocked on his blind date's door. She opened it and was as beautiful and charming as everyone had said. "I'll be ready in a few minutes," she said. "Why don't you play with Rollo while you're waiting?" He does wonderful tricks. He rolls over, shakes hands, sits up and if you make a hoop with your arms, he'll jump through." The dog followed Paul onto the balcony and started rolling over. Paul made a hoop with his arms and Rollo jumped through -- and over the balcony railing. Just then Paul's date walked out. "Isn't Rollo the cutest, happiest dog you've ever seen ? "To tell the truth," he replied, "he seemed a little depressed to me." ___________________________________________________ A well worn dollar bill and a similarly distressed twenty arrived at the bureau of Engraving and Printing to be retired. As they moved along the conveyor belt to the shredder they struck up a conversation. The twenty reminisced about its travels all over the country. "I've had a pretty good life", the twenty proclaimed. "Why I've been to Las Vegas and Atlantic City, the finest restaurants in New York, performances on Broadway, and even a cruise from Miami." "Wow!", said the single, "you really have gotten around." "So tell me", says the twenty, "where have you been throughout your lifetime?" "Oh, I've been to the Methodist Church, the Baptist Church, the Presbyterian Church, the Lutheran Church, the Catholic Church, the Orthodox Church, Assembly of God Church, the Brethren Church, the United Church of Christ...." And the twenty says, "What's a church?" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
At the trial, the steam locomotive engineer insisted that he had given the car driver ample warning by waving his lantern back and forth for nearly a minute. He even stood and convincingly demonstrated how he'd done it. The court believed his story, and the suit was dismissed. "Congratulations," the lawyer said to the engineer when it was over. "You did superbly under cross-examination." "Thanks," he said, "but the plaintiff's lawyer sure had me worried." "How's that?" the lawyer asked. "I was afraid he was going to ask if the lantern was lit!" ___________________________________________________

Today February 21 in
1804 The first self-propelled locomotive on rails was
demonstrated in Wales. 

1842 John J. Greenough patented the sewing machine. 

1848 The Communist Manifesto was published by Karl Marx and
Friedrich Engels. 

1858 The first electric burglar alarm was installed in Boston,

1866 Lucy B. Hobbs became the first woman to graduate from a
dental school. The school was the Ohio College of Dental Surgery
in Cincinnati. 

1878 The first telephone directories issued in the U.S. were
distributed to residents in New Haven, CT. It was a single page
of only fifty names. 

1904 The National Ski Association was formed in Ishpeming, MI. 

1916 During World War I, the Battle of Verdun began in France.
The battle ended on December 18, 1916 with a French victory over

1932 William N. Goodwin patented the camera exposure meter. 

1947 Edwin Land demonstrated the Polaroid Land Camera to the
Optical Society of America in New York City. It was the first
camera to take, develop and print a picture on photo paper all in
about 60 seconds. The photos were black and white. The camera
went on sale the following year. 

1950 The first International Pancake Race was held in Liberal,

1965 Malcolm X was assassinated in New York City at the age of 39
by assassins identified as Black Muslims. 

1968 An agreement between baseball players and club owners
increased the minimum salary for major league players to $10,000
a year. 

1973 Israeli fighter planes shot down a Libyan Airlines jet over
the Sinai Desert. More than 100 people were killed. 

1975 Former U.S. Attorney General John N. Mitchell and former
White House aides H.R. Haldeman and John D. Ehrlichman were
sentenced to 2 1/2 to 8 years in prison for their roles in the
Watergate cover-up. 

1988 In Baton Rouge, LA, TV evangelist Jimmy Swaggart confessed
to his congregation that he was guilty of an unspecified sin. He
announced that he was leaving the pulpit temporarily. Swaggart
had been linked to an admitted prostitute. 

1989 U.S. President George H.W. Bush called Ayatollah Khomeini's
death warrant against "Satanic Verses" author Salman Rushdie
"deeply offensive to the norms of civilized behavior." 

1995 Chicago stockbroker Steve Fossett became the first person to
fly solo across the Pacific Ocean in a balloon. He landed in
Leader, Saskatchewan, Canada. 

1999 India's Prime Minister Atal Bihair Vajpayee concluded two
days of meeting with Pakistan's Prime Minister Mohammad Nowaz

2000 David Letterman returned to his Late Night show about five
weeks after having an emergency quintuple heart bypass operation.

2003 David Hasselhoff and his wife Pamela were injured in a
motorcycle accident. The accident was caused by a strong gust of
wind. Hasselhoff fractured his lower back and broke several ribs.
His wife fractured her left ankle and right wrist. 

2019  smiled.

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Change from XP to which OS? 

Good Morning, !

Today is Wednesday, February 20

Dear Bonita!
Thank you very much for your help!!

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Woman Sentenced To Prison For Shooting 
At Husband After He Gave Her Divorce Papers

Today, February 20 in
1962 John Glenn made space history when he orbited the world
three times in 4 hours, 55 minutes. He was the first American to
orbit the Earth. He was aboard the Friendship 7 Mercury capsule.
Glenn witnessed the Devil's Cigarette Lighter while in flight.  
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers. --- Scott Adams (1957 - ) ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Lynn for this one: I have the most marvelous recipe for meat loaf! All I have to do is mention it to my husband and he says, "Let's eat out!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A large, well-established Canadian lumber camp advertised that they were looking for a good lumberjack. The next day, a skinny little man showed up at the camp with his axe and knocked on the head lumberjack's door. The head lumberjack took one look at the little man and told him to leave. "Just give me a chance to show you what I can do," said the skinny man. "Okay, see that giant cedar over there?" said the lumberjack. "Take your axe and go cut it down." The skinny man headed for the tree, and in five minutes he was back knocking on the lumberjack's door. "I cut the tree down," said the man. The lumberjack couldn't believe his eyes and said, "Where did you get the skill to chop down trees like that?" "In the Sahara Forest," replied the puny man. "You mean the Sahara Desert ?" asked the lumberjack. The little man laughed and answered back, "Yes, I suppose, that's what they call it now!" ______________________________________________________ Actually, it is easier in the mountains. The rocks are already there. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Wendy Maureen Dennis, 42, Molino, Florida Woman Sentenced To Prison For Shooting At Husband After He Gave Her Divorce Papers A Molino woman has been sentenced to prison for shooting at her husband several times after he came home with divorce papers. Wendy Maureen Dennis, 42, was convicted by an Escambia County jury of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon and discharging a firearm. She was sentenced by Judge Jennie Kensey to 24 months in state prison to be followed by three years probation. In April 2018, her husband called 911 and stated that his wife had shot a gun at him multiple times before leaving their residence on North Highway 95A and heading toward Molino Road. Responding Escambia County Sheriff’s Office deputies conducted a felony traffic stop on her vehicle and recovered a .22 caliber rifle that was in plain view on the backseat of the vehicle, according to an arrest report. She was taken into custody without incident. The husband told deputies that he brought home divorce paperwork to his wife of eight years, and everything was fine as they started to leave their residence to go to the tax collector’s office to have the papers notarized. According to the husband’s statement to deputies, she then walked to her car, retrieved the rifle, yelled at him and fired several shots in his direction. He was not injured. The couple’s divorce was finalized in August 2018, according to court records.
From: Gwen Re: XP to what? Dear DearWebby, Good Morning, here I am again with another question. Asking you because I do know that you will give me the right answer instead of calling a computer shop. I have a 19 year old DELL computer that I'm still running Windows XP on. As you can imagine a lot of things don't run correctly on it, i.e. Chrome from whom I got a message yesterday.  So, it looks like I need to install a new Operating System:  My question is what, and how? I'm not a novice at this computer thing but not a tech either, I'm somewhere in between and can usually figure things out but this one, I'm not sure how to go forward. So, hoping that the fella who knows so much will help. Love the jokes they give me a laugh every morning and some morning they are surely needed. God bless, keep up the good work, and hoping to hear from you soon. Gwen Dear Gwen Dell apparently still sells computers with W7 PRO. (Not W7 Home) Due to demand, they charge more for W7 PRO than for a regular W10, and you will have to do some arguing in order to get W7 PRO. W10 is what they sell by default. You can get ClassicShell to make W10 look and behave like W7 or even XP It is free at Have Fun! DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A spiritualist who'd recently been widowed met a colleague and reported excitedly that she'd just received a message from her dead husband - asking her to send him a pack of cigarettes. "The only thing is," she mused, "that I don't know where to send them." "Why not?" asked her friend. "Well, he didn't actually say that he was in Heaven - but I can't imagine he'd be in Hell." "Hm," responded the friend. "Well, maybe I shouldn't bring this up, but. . . did he mention anything about including matches in the package?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A drunk stumbles across a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the Preacher. The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, Are you ready to find Jesus?" The drunk, figuring that there might be some free celebrating included with the proceedings, looks back and says, "Yesch, Preacher..I shure am!" The minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. "Have you found Jesus?" the preacher asked. "Nooo, I haven't!" said the drunk. The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, "Now, brother, have you found Jesus?" "Noooo, I haven't, Rev!" The preacher in disgust holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone, "My God, man, have you found Jesus yet?" The old drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher... "Are you sure this is where he fell in?" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Sturdy Crayons When you get new crayons, wrap them with some masking tape, Leave the name uncovered, if you like. They will be less likely to break but still can be sharpened. ____________________________________________________
Shadow dance group tells an emotional epic story.
___________________________________________________ At the candy store Judi had about 20 bags of candy. A smart-alek behind her in line told her: "You should push the air out of them. The candies might cost less if they don't have the weight of the air in them." So for a few minutes she let the air out of the bags. After she did that he told her it didn't really matter. It would have weighed the same. Judi was more confused than ever and said, "If having air in the bag doesn't weigh any more, then why does it make the bags look so fat?" ___________________________________________________ "I never would have married you if I knew how stupid you were!" shouted the woman to her husband! The husband replied, "You should've known how stupid I am, the minute I asked you to marry me!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A couple had been married for 45 years and had raised a brood of 11 children and were blessed with 22 grandchildren. When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replies, "Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids." ___________________________________________________

Today February 20 in
1673 The first recorded wine auction took place in London. 

1809 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled the power of the federal
government was greater than that of any individual state. 

1815 The USS Constitution, under Captain Charles Stewart fought
the British ships Cyane and Levant. The Constitution captures
both, but lost the Levant after encountering a British squadron.
The Constitution and the Cyane returned to New York safely on May
15, 1815. The Cyane was purchased and became the USS Cyane. 

1839 The U.S. Congress prohibited dueling in the District of

1872 Luther Crowell received a patent for a machine that
manufactured paper bags. 

1872 Silas Noble and J.P. Cooley patented the toothpick
manufacturing machine. 

1921 The motion picture "The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse" was
released starring Rudolph Valentino. 

1931 The U.S. Congress allowed California to build the Oakland
Bay Bridge. 

1933 The U.S. House of Representatives completed congressional
action on the amendment to repeal Prohibition. 

1944 "Big Week" began as U.S. bombers began raiding German
aircraft manufacturing centers during World War II. 

1962 John Glenn made space history when he orbited the world
three times in 4 hours, 55 minutes. He was the first American to
orbit the Earth. He was aboard the Friendship 7 Mercury capsule.
Glenn witnessed the Devil's Cigarette Lighter while in flight. 

1965 Ranger 8 crashed on the moon after sending back thousands of
pictures of its surface. 

1987 A bomb exploded in a computer store in Salt Lake City, UT.
The blast was blamed on the Unabomber. 

1993 Two ten-year-old boys were charged by police in Liverpool,
England, in the abduction and death of a toddler. The two boys
were later convicted. 

2001 FBI Agent Robert Phillip Hanssen was arrested and charged
with spying for the Russians for 15 years. 

2002 In Reqa Al-Gharbiya, Egypt, a fire raced through a train
killing at least 370 people and injuring at least 65. 

2003 In West Warwick, RI, 100 people were killed and more than
230 were injured when fire destroyed the nightclub The Station.
The fire started with sparks from a pyrotechnic display being
used by Jack Russel's Great White. Ty Longley, guitarist for the
band, was one of the victims in the fire. 

2008 The U.S. Navy destroyed an inoperable spy satellite with a
missile from the USS Lake Erie. 

2019  smiled.

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Cookies and Passwords

Good Morning, !

Today is Tuesday, February 19

Dear Bonita!
Thank you very much for your help!!

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Drunk driver tries to dance his way 
out of an arrest

Today, February 19 in
1945 During World War II, about 30,000 U.S. Marines landed on Iwo
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Literature is an occupation in which you have to keep proving your talent to people who have none. --- Jules Renard (1864 - 1910) Either the United States will destroy ignorance or ignorance will destroy the United States. --- W.E.B. Du Bois, Speech at Harpers Ferry, Virginia, August 1906 ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A clergyman was walking down the street when he came upon a group of about a dozen boys, all of them between 10 and 12 years of age. The group surrounded a dog. Concerned the boys were hurting the dog, he went over and asked, "What are you doing with that dog?" One of the boys replied, "This dog is just an old neighborhood stray. We all want him, but only one of us can take him home. So we've decided that whichever one of us can tell the biggest lie will get to keep the dog." The reverend was taken aback. "You boys shouldn't be having a contest telling lies!" he exclaimed. He then launched into a 10- minute sermon against lying, beginning, "Don't you boys know it's a sin to lie?" and ending with, "Why, when I was your age, I never told a lie." There was dead silence for about a minute. Just as the reverend was beginning to think he'd gotten through to them, the smallest boy gave a deep sigh and said, "All right, the Rev wins the dog." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ An old lady is walking around in a supermarket calling out, "Crisco, Crisssssssco!" Soon a store! clerk approaches and says, "Lady, the Crisco is in aisle D." The old lady replies, "Oh, I'm not looking for the cooking stuff. I'm calling my husband." The clerk is astonished. "Your husband's name is Crisco?" The old lady answers, "Oh no, no, no. I only call him that when we're out in public." "I see," said the clerk. "What do you call him at home?" "Lard Ass." ______________________________________________________ "God's Hands Bridge" in Vietnam. When we think of Vietnam we usually think of Vietcong and Communists. Seeing the "God's Hands Bridge" is very surprising. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Christopher Larson, 33, Holiday, Florida Drunk driver tries to dance his way out of an arrest Christopher Larson, 33, was confronted by a police deputy in Holiday, Florida who found him sleeping behind the wheel of his running truck with his foot on the brake. Larson appears to bust out some fancy dance moves to evade arrest – but needless to say, the deputy was not impressed. According to police, Larson was found to have had a .28 blood alcohol content (BAC), which is triple the legal limit in Florida, which is .08. When the officer found Larson asleep behind the wheel, he knocked on the window and shouted for some time before he finally woke up, according to Fox 13. At that time, Larson seemed disorientated and waved to the police officer, the arrest report says. When Larson got out of his truck, he did not realize that it was still running and it began to roll forward. The officer was able to jump in just in time to stop it from hitting a gate it was idling in front of. The deputy administered a field sobriety test and asked Larson to complete some simple tasks to demonstrate his motor control – but instead Larson busted a couple moves. ‘This gentleman started to not take it seriously. He started dancing and while some citizens may find that funny, we don’t at the sheriff’s office. When asked to walk a straight line, Larson begins side-stepping and bouncing in the manner of a man who is unaware he is about to be taken to jail. The deputy asks Larson if he is ‘complete with the exercise,’ but he just mumbles and continues his shuffle. He was eventually arrested and told the deputy that he thought he was in Clearwater, Florida – not Holiday. Larson later spoke with Fox 13 and said he would not call what he did in the video dancing and would not comment on the arrest.
From: Charles Re: Cookies and Passwords Dear DearWebby, Every time I delete the cookies, all my passwords are gone. Is there a way around that ? Charles Dear Charles That is a safety feature that allows you to clean the passwords from the auto-complete if you have to go away from your machine or go on holidays. Just get yourself a little prayer book and write your passwords into that. Burglars or anybody trying to break into your machine are unlikely to even look at your little prayer book. For really high security leave off the last two letters from every password. By having the first part, you will easily enough remember the last two letters. I used to use RoboForm for many years. Then they stole all my passwords, and got promptly nuked off all of my machines. Since then I use DashLane Have Fun! DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Did you know that dolphins are so intelligent that within only a few days of captivity, they can train humans to stand at the edge of the pool and throw them fish?
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I can't come in to work today because-- "My son dropped the car keys in the toilet and I sent him in after them. Now I'm waiting for the plumber." "I have to buy some new skis. I left my old ones in a tree." "My computer is down. I'm trying to cheer it up." "I have a sick kid. The adult goats, however, seem to be doing fine." "I'm having car trouble. The trouble is I no longer own a car." "I won a sauerkraut and sausage eating contest yesterday. You don't want me there today. Trust me." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Theatre Rewards Cards Love to go to the movies? Sign up for a theater rewards card, if one is offered. Over time, you accrue points for every ticket you purchase. When you get enough points you get a free drink, popcorn, or a free ticket. You may also be on a mailing list for coupons and other special offers. ____________________________________________________
The Shirk Report
___________________________________________________ "Doctor, Doctor, my child just swallowed a pen. What should I do?" "Use a pencil, Next." "Doctor, Doctor My little boy has just swallowed a roll of film!" "Hmmmm. Let's hope nothing develops. Next." "Doctor, doctor, my little boy's swallowed a bullet. What shall I do?" "Well, for a start, don't point him at me. Next." "Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a deck of cards." "I'll deal with you later. Next!" "Doctor, Doctor I feel like a pair of curtains" " Well pull yourself together then. Next." "Doctor, doctor, people tell me I'm a wheelbarrow." "Don't let people push you around. Next." "Doctor, Doctor, some days I feel like a tee-pee and other days I feel like a wig-wam." "You're too tense. Next." "Doctor, Doctor, I just wanted to let you know that there is an invisible man in your waiting room" "Tell him I can't see him now. Next." "Doctor, am I going to die?" "That's the last thing you're going to do Next." "Doctor, Doctor, I can't get to sleep." "Sit on the edge of the bed and you'll soon drop off. Next." "Doctor, Doctor, what should I do if my temperature goes up another point?" "Sell! Next." "Doctor, Doctor, what should I take when I get run down?" "The license number. Next." "Doctor, doctor, I think I'm shrinking." "Well, you'll just have to be a little patient. Next." "Doctor, Doctor, you've got to help me. I think I'm a kleptomaniac. " "Don't worry. I think there's something you can take for that. Next." "Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a spoon." "Sit there and don't stir. Next." "Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a billiard ball." "Get back in the queue. Next." "Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a dog." "Lie down on the couch and I'll examine you." "I can't. I'm not allowed on the furniture." "Doctor, doctor, I think I'm a bridge." "What's come over you?" "Two cars, a truck and a coach." "Doctor, Doctor, should I file my nails?" "No. Throw them away like everybody else. Next." "Doctor, Doctor, what would you take for this cold?" "Make me an offer. Next." "Doctor! Doctor! Everywhere I touch myself it hurts.See? Ouch! Ouch!" "Your finger is broken. Next." "Doctor, Doctor, I think I've developed a split personality. " "Okay, go chase yourself. Next" "Doctor, Doctor, nobody ever listens to me." "Next" "Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking there's two of me." "One at a time, please. Next!" "Doctor, Doctor, how long will I live?" "You should live to be eighty." "I am eighty." "What did I tell you? Next." "Doctor, Doctor, can you give me something for my head?" "No thanks, I've already got one. Next." "Doctor, Doctor, what should I do? I can't sleep at night." "Sleep during the day. Next." "Doctor, Doctor, this ointment you gave me makes my arm smart." . "Then rub some on your head? Next." "Doctor, Doctor, how can I avoid falling hair?" "Step to one side. Next." "Doctor, Doctor, my hair is coming out. What can you give me to keep it in?" "A cigar box. Next." "Doctor, Doctor, there's something wrong with my stomach." "Keep your coat buttoned and nobody will notice it. Next." "Doctor, Doctor, there's a man outside with a wooden leg named Smith." "What's the name of his other leg? Next." Doc, don't you think I should get a second opinion?" "Sure. Come back tomorrow. Next." "Doctor, Doctor, I'm feeling a bit schizophrenic. " "That makes four of us. Next." "Doctor, Doctor, I think I've got a bad liver." "Well, take it back to the butcher. Next." "Doctor, Doctor, I get this terrible pain in my back every time I bend over." "Then don't bend over, Next." "Doctor! Doctor! I keep forgetting things!" "When did this start happening?" "When did what start happening?" "Doctor, Doctor, you're charging me ten dollars and all you did was paint my throat." 'What did you expect for ten dollars - wallpaper? Next" "Doctor, Doctor, you've gotta do something for me. I snore so loudly that I wake myself up." "In that case, sleep in another room. Next." "Doctor, Doctor, is it a boy?" "Well, the one in the middle is. Next." "Doctor, Doctor, every bone in my body hurts." "Be glad you're not a herring. Next." "Doctor, doctor, my wooden leg is giving me a lot of pain." "Why's that?" "My wife keeps hitting me over the head with it." "Doc, what's the difference between an itch and an allergy?" "About twenty-five dollars. Next." "Doctor, Doctor, nobody can figure out what's wrong with me. I've got the oddest collection of symptoms." "Have you had it before?" "Yes." "Well, you've got it again. Next." "Doctor, Doctor, what's your best suggestion for this terrible bad breath of mine?" "Lockjaw. Next." ___________________________________________________ The new preacher, at this first service, had a pitcher of water and a glass on the pulpit. As he preached,he drank until the pitcher of water was completely gone. After the service, someone asked an old woman of the church, "How did you like the new pastor?" "Fine," she said, "but he's first windmill I ever saw that was powered by water." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Little Johnny wasn't very good at spelling. During an oral spelling exam, the teacher wrote the word "new" on the blackboard. "Now," she asked Johnny, "what word would we have if we placed a "K" in the front?" After a moment's reflection, Johnny smiled and said, "Canoe?" ___________________________________________________

Today February 19 in
1846 The formal transfer of government between Texas and the
United States took place. Texas had officially become a state on
December 29, 1845. 

1856 The tintype camera was patented by Professor Hamilton L.

1878 Thomas Alva Edison patented a music player (the phonograph).

1881 Kansas became the first state to prohibit all alcoholic

1942 U.S. President Roosevelt signed an executive order giving
the military the authority to relocate and intern Japanese-

1942 Approximately 150 Japanese warplanes attacked the Australian
city of Darwin. 

1945 During World War II, about 30,000 U.S. Marines landed on Iwo

1959 Cyprus was granted its independence with the signing of an
agreement with Britain, Turkey and Greece. 

1963 The Soviet Union informed U.S. President Kennedy it would
withdraw "several thousand" of its troops from Cuba. 

1981 The U.S. State Department called El Savador a "textbook
case" of a Communist plot. 

1981 Ford Motor Company announced its loss of $1.5 billion. 

1985 Mickey Mouse was welcomed to China as part of the 30th
anniversary of Disneyland. The touring mouse played 30 cities in
30 days. 

1985 William Schroeder became the first artificial-heart patient
to leave the confines of the hospital. 

1985 Cherry Coke was introduced by the Coca-Cola Company. 

1986 The U.S. Senate approved a treaty outlawing genocide. The
pact had been submitted 37 years earlier for ratification. 

1986 The Soviet Union launched the Mir space station. 

1987 A controversial, anti-smoking publice service announcement
aired for the first time on television. Yul Brynner filmed the ad
shortly before dying of lung cancer. Brynner made it clear in the
ad that he would have died from cigarette smoking before ad

1997 Deng Xiaoping of China died at the age of 92. He was the
last of China's major revolutionaries. 

2002 NASA's Mars Odyssey spacecraft began using its thermal
emission imaging system to map Mars. 

2004 Former Enron Corp. chief executive Jeffrey Skilling was
charged with fraud, insider trading and other crimes in
connection with the energy trader's collapse. Skilling was later
convicted and sentenced to more than 24 years in prison. 

2005 The USS Jimmy Carter was commissioned at Groton, CT. It was
the last of the Seawolf class of attack submarines. 

2008 Fidel Castro resigned the Cuban presidency. His brother Raul
was later named as his successor.

2019  smiled.

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Fake virus alert 

Good Morning, !

Today is Friday, February 15
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Today I have to go to Calgary for injections into my eyeballs.
That means there won't be a Humor Letter on Saturday, Sunday or
Monday. You get a vacation!

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Florida man hits random girl in face, 
fights girl's friends, deputies say

Today, February 15 in
2002 U.S. President George W. Bush approved Nevada's Yucca
Mountain as a site for long-term disposal of radioactive nuclear
waste. After it was half completed, the Democrats stopped the
project for political reasons.
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
They certainly give very strange names to diseases. --- Plato (427 BC - 347 BC) Most men are within a finger's breadth of being mad. --- Diogenes the Cynic Reality is something women rise above. --- Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ As a Delta Air Lines jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the copilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about landmarks over the PA system. "Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona. It was formed when, many thousands of years ago, a lump of nickel and iron, roughly 150 feet in diameter and weighing 300,000 tons, struck the earth at about 40,000 miles an hour, scattering white-hot debris for miles in every direction. The hole measures nearly a mile across and is 570 feet deep." From the cabin, a passenger was heard to exclaim, "Wow! It just missed the highway!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ My friend Tim took Mary out for a romantic dinner where conversation turned toward marriage. Tim had been saving for an engagement ring - but he was in graduate school and in dire need of a computer. Mary was understanding, telling Tim they had the rest of their lives to get engaged, so he should use his savings to buy a computer instead. During dessert, Tim suddenly reached into his pocket and pulled out an engagement ring. Mary was stunned. But after she collected herself, she looked up and prompted, "Well, don't you have something to ask me?" Tim then got down on bended knee. "Honey," he said, "will you buy me a computer?" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Dylan Kenneth Dodson, 24, St. Johns County Florida Florida man hits random girl in face, fights girl's friends, deputies say Dylan Kenneth Dodson, 24, of St. Johns County was arrested Friday night after he allegedly hit a girl in her face, according to a St. Johns County Sheriff's Office arrest report. Deputies said the girl, a juvenile, did not know Dodson and said he appeared to be impaired by some kind of drug. She told deputies, Dodson walked up to her while she was with a group of friends and hit her in the nose. According to an arrest report, the girl's boyfriend pushed Dodson, defending the girl, prior to a fight that broke out between Dodson and her friends. When deputies arrived to the scene, the report states, Dodson was belligerent. He was immediately put in handcuffs and placed in the patrol car where he reportedly began kicking the door, causing minor damage to the car. Dodson was then placed in leg restraints. While on the way to the St. Johns County Jail, he yelled, "Your a b****" and "I'm going to f*** you up," to the deputy, the report stated. Dodson faces a felony charge for cruelty toward a child and a misdeanor for resisting an officer.
From: Lillie Re: Virus alert hoax Dear DearWebby, Thanks for terrific daily mail. You are the All Knowing of computer business. You'd know if there's any validity to the "Virus Alert" mentioned here. Hopefully it's a hoax. Thanks, Lillie Please read: Big Virus coming Hi All, I checked with Norton Anti-Virus, and they are gearing up for this virus! I checked Snopes (Please read: Big Virus coming Blah, Blah, Blah Dear Lillie Just old moron-bait. CNN, Microsoft, Burger King, Taco Bell, etc. don't announce or classify viruses. Norton and McAfee don't use AOLers to tell people about viruses via nuisance forwards. They have automatic updates for those who paid for a subscription, and they really don't give a hoot about those who did not pay. Just dump that and ignore it. Have Fun! DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Did you know that dolphins are so intelligent that within only a few days of captivity, they can train humans to stand at the edge of the pool and throw them fish?
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Two kids are talking to each other. One says, "I'm really worried. My dad works twelve hours a day to give me a nice home and good food. My mom spends the whole day cleaning and cooking for me. I'm worried sick!" The other kid says, "What have you got to worry about? Sounds to me like you've got it made!" The first kid says, "What if they try to escape?" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Buying Firewood It's always best to shop for firewood before you need it. Sometimes you can find great deals in the spring and summer. Look for classified ads, bulletin boards and neighborhood signs. Firewood is generally sold in cords, face cords, ricks or truckloads. In some areas they log in summer and when it is too cold for that, they sell and deliver. ____________________________________________________
Your daily dose of internet.
___________________________________________________ Medical Advice (A) The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. (B) On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. (C) The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. (D) The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than British or Americans. (E) Conclusion: Eat & drink what you like. It's speaking English that kills you. ___________________________________________________ "Doctor!" whined the patient. "I keep seeing spots before my eyes." The physician scratched his head, "Why have you come to me? Have you seen an opthalmologist?" "No," replied the patient, "just spots." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
During an arctic training exercise in Alaska intense cold played havoc with vehicles and equipment. One harassed battery commander was trying to cope with vehicles that wouldn't run and machinery that wouldn't work. He was wondering what else could go wrong when the door flew open and a soldier rushed in and announced, "Hey, captain, the northern lights are out! Exasperated and without looking, the captain barked, "Well, don't tell me! Go get the generator mechanic and have him fix the darnn things!" ___________________________________________________

Today February 15 in
1758 Mustard was advertised for the first time in America. 

1799 Printed ballots were authorized for use in elections in the
state of Pennsylvania. 

1898 The USS Maine sank when it exploded in Havana Harbor for
unknown reasons. More than 260 crew members were killed. 

1900 The British threaten to use natives in their war with the

1903 Morris and Rose Michtom, Russian immigrants, introduced the
first teddy bear in America. 

1933 U.S. President-elect Franklin Roosevelt escaped an
assination attempt in Miami. Chicago Mayor Anton J. Cermak was
killed in the attack. 

1942 During World War II, Singapore surrendered to the Japanese. 

1961 A Boeing 707 crashed in Belgium killing 73 people. 

1965 Canada displayed its new red and white maple leaf flag. The
flag was to replace the old English style Red Ensign standard. 

1982 During a storm, the Ocean Ranger, a drilling rig, sank off
the coast of Newfoundland. 84 men were killed. 

1985 The Center for Disease Control reported that more than half
of all nine-year-olds in the U.S. showed no sign of tooth decay. 

1989 After nine years of intervention, the Soviet Union announced
that the remainder of its troops had left Afghanistan. The CIA
funded, armed and trained Taliban had given them too much of a
hard time. 

1991 The leaders of Czechoslovakia, Hungary and Poland signed the
Visegard agreement, in which they pledged to cooperate in
transforming thier countries to free-market economies. 

1995 The FBI arrested Kevin Mitnick and charged him with cracking
security in some of the nation's most protected computers. He
served five years in jail. 

2002 U.S. President George W. Bush approved Nevada's Yucca
Mountain as a site for long-term disposal of radioactive nuclear
waste. After it was half completed, the Democrats stopped the
project for political reasons.

2019  smiled.

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