Humor: Precise picture positioning in WORD
Thursday, August 22, 2013, 10:50 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, August 22.
"A million muslims surrounded by 2 million hogs!”
Muslims plan to make a "Million Muslims" march in DC.
Their march is to protest “anti-Islamic bigotry in the U.S.”
and then turned into a “March Against Fear”.
The motto of the bikers is “To honor those who were killed
on 911 and our armed forces who fought those who
precipitated this attack!”
If you can ride, or drive a support vehicle, contact the
organizers of the ride!
All the patriot Riders, that have protected the families of
fallen heros from the Westboro Perverts, will of course be
there too.
Even if there are only 1 1/2 million bikes, that is going
to be an awesome sound!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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It's amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet
are unable to understand the lawnmower, snow blower, or
vacuum cleaner.
Q: What's the difference between a church bell and a
politician?
A: A church bell peals from the steeple.
--- Stan Kegel
Old age is when former classmates are so gray and wrinkled
and bald, they don't recognize you.
>From NanaRina
A Chinese guy goes into a Jewish-owned establishment to buy
black bras, size 38 D.
The Jewish store keeper, known for his skills as a
businessman, Says that black bras are rare and that he is
finding it very difficult to buy them from his suppliers.
Therefore he has to charge $50.00 for them.
The Chinese guy buys 25 bras
He returns a few days later and this time orders fifty.
The Jewish owner tells him that they have become even
harder to get and charges him $60.00 each.
The Chinese guy returns a month later and buys the store's
remaining stock of 50, and this time for $75.00 each.
The Jewish owner is somewhat puzzled by the large demand
for black size 38 D bras and asks the Chinese guy,
& I quote "...please tell me - What do you do with all
these black bras?"
The Chinese guy answers: "I cut them in half and sell
them as skull caps to Jewish men for $200.00 each."
Many girls like to marry a military man - he can cook, sew,
and make beds and is in good health, and he's already used
to taking orders snd getting yelled at.
Back by popular demand!
GuiltFREE!
Simple Recipes You Can Use To Whip-up All-natural,
Gluten-free, Diabetic-safe, Mouthwatering Desserts.
Includes Gingerbread and the Famous Fat Burning Brownies!
Enjoy GuiltFREE! deserts and ease off any excess weight!
LOOSE weight and enjoy the goodies without guilt!
You get a bunch of bonus books just for looking!
Here is a picture of the mayor wishing Dad a happy 90th birthday
Dad's 90th
Thanks to Cookie for this pictur of lightning in her area:
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
James Francis Edwards Jr., 15,
Michael Dewayne Jones, 17, and
Chancey Allen Luna, 16, all of Duncan, Okla.
Read more: http://www.ctvnews.ca/world/teens-charg ... z2ceucpUgu
Murder just for fun
DUNCAN, Okla. -- With a motive that's both chilling and simple --
to break up the boredom of an Oklahoma summer -- three
teenagers randomly targeted an Australian collegiate
baseball player who was attending school in the U.S. and
killed him for fun, prosecutors said as they charged two
of the boys with murder.
Prosecutor Jason Hicks on Tuesday called the boys "thugs"
as he described how Christopher Lane, 22, of Melbourne, was
shot once in the back and died along a tree-lined road on
Duncan's well-to-do north side. He said the three teens,
from the grittier part of town, chose Lane at random and
that one of the boys "thinks it's all a joke."
Hicks charged Chancey Allen Luna, 16, and James Francis
Edwards Jr., 15, with first-degree murder. Under Oklahoma
law they will be tried as adults. Michael Dewayne
Jones, 17, was charged with using a vehicle in the
discharge of a weapon and with accessory to first-degree
murder after the fact. He is considered a youthful
offender but will be tried in adult court.
Jones wept in the courtroom after he tried to speak about
the incident but was cut off by the judge who said it
wasn't the time to sort out the facts of the case. Jones
faces anywhere from two years to life in prison if convicted
on the counts he faces.
The two younger teens face life in prison without parole if
convicted on the murder charge.
"I'm appalled," Hicks said after the hearing. "This is not
supposed to happen in this community."
In court, Hicks said Luna was sitting in the back seat of
a car when he pulled the trigger on a .22 calibre revolver
and shot Lane once in the back. Hicks said Jones was driving
the vehicle and Edwards was in the passenger seat.
The two younger boys were held without bail, while bail for
Jones was set at $1 million.
The mother of the murderer:
"I know my son. He is a good kid," she said.
Tech Support Pits
From: Allen
Re: Precise picture positioning in WORD
Dear Webby,
How can I position a picture with word at the precise place
where I want it, intead of where WORD wants to put it?
Thanks
Allen
Dear Allen
That's a secret, as far as Microsoft is concerned,but it
can be done quite easily.
Click on the picture to make it active.
Then click on the little doggie icon for Text Wrap.
Select TIGHT.
The picture will probably scoot off to somewhere else,
where it is not suppoded to be, often on the next page.
Click on it a couple of times and then you can drag it to
where it belongs. It will probably change it's width and
hight in the process, but now you can squish it to the
exact size you want, andyou can even rotate it.
The TIGHT text wrap setting will make the text flow around
it and match the contours.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
 |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Cleaning Cloth And Water For Eyeglasses
I called up my optical place where I bought my glasses.
They have free cleaning cloths just for my glasses which
are progressive lenses. I wash them often in warm water,
squeeze it out, and lay it to dry. I do not put in the
washer or dryer at all. This works for me and perhaps it
will for you all as well.
By Sarah
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
"Information? I need the number of the
Caseway Insurance Company."
"Would you spell that, please?"
"Certainly. C as in sea. A as in aye. S as in sea. E as
in eye. W as in why. A as in are. Y as in you."
"Just a minute, sir.
I'll connect you with my supervisor."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
The minister's little six-year-old girl had been so naughty
during the week, that her mother decided to give her the
worst kind of punishment. She told her she couldn't go to
the Sunday School Picnic on Saturday.
When the day came, her mother felt she had been too
harsh and changed her mind. When she told the little girl
she could go to the picnic, the child's reaction was one
of gloom and unhappiness.
"What's the matter? I thought you'd be glad to go to the
picnic." her mother said.
"It's too late!" the little girl said.
"I've already prayed for rain!"
Today, Aug 22, in
1485 The War of the Roses ended with the death of England's
King Richard III. He was killed in the Battle of Bosworth
Field. His successor was Henry V II.
1567 The "Council of Blood" was established by the Duke of
Alba. This was the beginning of his reign of terror in the
Netherlands.
1642 The English Civil War began when Charles I called
Parliament and its soldiers traitors.
1770 Australia was claimed under the British crown when
Captain James Cook landed there.
1775 The American colonies were proclaimed to be in a state
of open rebellion by England's King George III.
1846 The U.S. annexed New Mexico.
1851 The schooner America outraced the Aurora off the English
coast to win a trophy that became known as the America's Cup.
1865 A patent for liquid soap wwent to William Sheppard.
1902 In Hartford, CT, U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt
became first president of the United States to ride in a car
1906 The Victor Talking Machine Company of Camden, NJ began
to manufacture the Victrola. The hand-cranked unit, with
horn cabinet, sold for $200.
1910 Japan formally annexed Korea.
1911 It was announced that Leonardo da Vinci's "Mona Lisa"
had been stolen from the Louvre Museum in Paris. The
painting reappeared two years later in Italy.
1941 Nazi troops reached the outskirts of Leningrad during
World War II.
1951 75,052 people watched the Harlem Globetrotters perform.
It was the largest crowd to see a basketball game.
1959 Stephen Rockefeller married Anne Marie Rasmussen. Anne
had once been a maid for the powerful and wealthy
Rockefeller family.
1972 Due to its racial policies, Rhodesia was asked
to withdraw from the 20th Olympic Summer Games.
1984 The last Volkswagen Rabbit rolled off the assembly
line in New Stanton, PA.
1986 Kerr-McGee Corp. agreed to pay the estate of the
late Karen Silkwood $1.38 million to settle a 10-year-old
nuclear contamination lawsuit.
1990 The U.S. State Department announced that the U.S. Embassy
in Kuwait would not be closed under President Saddam
Hussein's demand.
1990 Angry smokers blocked a street in Moscow to protest the
summer-long cigarette shortage.
1991 Mikhail S. Gorbachev returned to Moscow after the collapse
of the hard-liners' coup. On the same day he purged the men
that had tried to oust him.
1992 In Rostock, Germany, neo-Nazi violence broke out
against foreigners.
1996 U.S. President Clinton signed legislation that ended
guaranteed cash payments to the poor and demanded work from
recipients.
2013 smiled
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Game not working after Windows update
Wednesday, August 21, 2013, 10:11 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, August 21.
>From Rita
Dear Webby,
Thank you for your help..I backed up all my files and
ran a full scan with McAfee..I ran the Smart PC fixer and
it seemed to have fixed the problem..when I rebooted the
comp..it showed it was checking system in 3 stages in my
comp. seems to be alright..so hopefully I won’t have this
problem again..Thank you so much for your help..
Rita
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Late to bed and late to wake will keep you long on money
and short on mistakes.
--- Aaron McGruder, T
"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for
good men to do nothing."
--- Edmund Burke
"Science may have found a cure for most evils; but it has
found no remedy for the worst of them all --
the apathy of human beings."
--- Helen Keller
"The world is a dangerous place to live, not because of the
people who are evil, but because of the people who don't
do anything about it."
--- Albert Einstein
A patient was waiting nervously in the
examination room of a famous specialist.
"So who did you see before coming to me?"
asked the important doctor.
"My local General Practitioner, Dr. Cohen."
"Your GP?" scoffed the doctor. "What a waste of time.
Tell me, what sort of stupid and useless advice did
Cohen give you?"
"He told me to come and see you."
General Joe Whigham is ordered by the Secretary of Defense
to gather together a Navy Lieutenant and Captains from the
Army, Marine Corps and Air Force to discover why the services
have trouble communicating with each other. He begins by
saying that their first project task is to "secure" a certain
building and asks each of them to go home and prepare a list
of steps for the project management plan and bring them to
the meeting the next morning.
The Navy Lieutenant calls his Master Chief and says,
"Tell those swabs to:
-- Unplug the coffeepots
-- Turn off the computers
-- Turn out the lights
-- Lock the doors and leave the building unoccupied
The Army Captain has his list in his note pad:
-- Assemble the company
-- Appoint guard mount and Sergeant of the Guard
-- Take control of all exits
-- Make sure no one gets into the building without a pass
The Marine Corps Captain writes down her steps on the palm of her hand:
-- Assemble the platoon and supplies
-- Approach the building along three axes
-- Bring the building under mortar and SAW fire
-- Assault the building under covering fire
-- Sequester surviving prisoners
-- Establish lanes of fire
-- Prepare artillery calls
-- Repel counterattacks
The Air Force Captain types his list into his laptop:
-- Contact real estate agent
-- Negotiate 1-year lease
-- Be sure to get option to buy
Back by popular demand!
GuiltFREE!
Simple Recipes You Can Use To Whip-up All-natural,
Gluten-free, Diabetic-safe, Mouthwatering Desserts.
Includes Gingerbread and the Famous Fat Burning Brownies!
Enjoy GuiltFREE! deserts and ease off any excess weight!
LOOSE weight and enjoy the goodies without guilt!
You get a bunch of bonus books just for looking!
There was this preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance
he could get, he could be found on the golf course swinging
away. It was an obsession. One Sunday was a picture perfect
day for golfing. The sun was out, no clouds in the sky, and
the temperature was just right.
The preacher was in a quandary as to what to do, and shortly,
the urge to play golf overcame him. He called an assistant to
tell him that he was sick and could not do church, packed the
car up, and drove three hours to a golf course where no one
would recognize him. Happily, he began to play the course.
An angel up above was watching the preacher and was quite
perturbed. He went to God and said, "Look at the preacher.
He should be punished for what he is doing."
God nodded in agreement. The preacher teed up on the first
hole. He swung at the ball, and it sailed effortlessly
through the air and landed right in the cup three hundred
and fifty yards away. A picture perfect hole-in-one.
He was amazed and excited.
The angel was a little shocked. He turned to God and said,
"Begging Your pardon, but I thought you were going to
punish him?"
God smiled. "Think about it -- who can he brag to?"
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Sean Lewis, 45, Daytona, Floriduh
Mother calls deputies on son
keeping gator in bathtub
Reported by Helen
A Deltona woman called deputies on her son after he didn't
remove a baby alligator he kept in a bathtub in her home,
Volusia deputies said.
Sarah Boston said she asked her son to get the reptile out
of the house, which he said he would do after a few days,
but after several days the gator was still in the tub,
so she called deputies to take it away, an arrest
report shows.
Sean Lewis 45, was arrested Monday and charged with alligator
poaching. He is in the Volusia County Branch Jail on
$2,500 bail, a booking officer said Tuesday.
Deputies found the tub set up like an aquarium. It had water
and inside the tub were two pieces of cinder block on which
the alligator could climb to sun itself. An artificial light
served as the sun, deputies said.
Lewis told investigators a female friend dropped off the
alligator at his place and was supposed to come back for it
but did not, reports show.
-----------
That'll teach him to obey ma! She is probably not going to
bail him out until he gets a haircut.
Tech Support Pits
From: Randall
Re: Game not working after Windows update
Webby
I have enjoyed your info for numerous years now and have
always gotten a quick and helpful reply to any questions or
problems i have had in the past. I bought a new computer
game a couple of months back and have not had any problems
installing it or playing it for months till i had a update
last week and it would not(my laptop) would not let me sign
in to the game. On the games websites forum page it said
that the update was the cause of the problem and to just
take the update off the list of updates. The person said
that it was a problem with the way the update was written
and it would always cause problems...So i went in the update
list and changed my setting to let me know when the
updates was available and which ones to install...
The update number is KB2859537 dealing with security or the
laptop i presume...was i told the whole truth and did i do
the correct thing in changing my settings and not installing
the above mentioned update.
Again i anxiously await a reply to help me out with this
new problem i am having. Thanks for the smile everyday.
Randall
Dear Randall
The game peddlers lied to you.
The updates went out to many Millions of people,
without any problems.
Windows WITH that update is the current and official Windows.
Just your game can't handle it.
Microsoft is not going to change Windows because of one
game peddler, who can't cope with normal security.
You can run without current security and use the game,
or you can demand a game update, that can handle
standard Windows updates. If enough people complain,
they will fix their problem.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
 |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Turn Mugs Into Gift Candles
A good way to use old mugs or even punch cups is to set
a few cups on a tray, each one containing store bought
votives (normally it takes two). Set the tray in the oven
on 250 degrees F and let the candles melt. Remove one of
the wicks and leave the other one. As the candle begins to
cool, straighten the wick up into the center.
There you have it. A lovely handmade gift for about a dollar!
(Cups can be purchased at thrift shop most often for 25 cents
or watch for them at rummage sales!)
By melody_yesterday from Sedalia, MO
Keep in mind that as the wax cools in cups, it often forms
cavities, air bubbles. If you don't lance them with a hot
nail, then you may have a fire bomb. When hot luid wax runs
down into a hot air cavity,it often shoots a geysir of hot
wax past the flame, where it ignites. Burning wax spraying
around tends to turn a romantic setting into a disaster zone.
It doesn't happen every time, but since you only die once,
once is quite enough. Always lance the center of candles,
stick the wick in then and pour hot wax into the hole made
by your hot nail.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Bubba, an airline mechanic, was bragging to his boss one day,
"you know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name
someone, anyone, and I know them."
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Bubba
how about Tom Cruise?"
"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."
So Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on
Tom Cruise's door,and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts,
"Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in
and join me for lunch!"
Although impressed, Bubba's boss is still skeptical. After
they leave Cruise's house, he tells Bubba that he thinks
Bubba's knowing Cruise was just lucky.
"No, no, just name anyone else,"
Bubba says. "Former President Bush", his boss quickly retorts.
"Yep", Bubba says, "I know him, let's fly out to Texas"
and off they go.
There Bush spots Bubba on the tour and motions him and
his boss over, saying, "Bubba, what a surprise, I was
just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come
on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."
" Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally
convinced. After they leave Texas, he expresses his doubts
to Bubba, who again implores him to name anyone else.
"The new Pope", his boss replies. "Sure!" says Bubba.
"I've known the Pope a long time"
So off they fly to Rome.
Bubba and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican
Square when Bubba says, "This will never work. I can't catch
the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know
all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on
the balcony with the Pope." and he disappears into the crowd
headed toward St. Peter's.
Sure enough, half an hour later Bubba emerges with the Pope
on the balcony. But by the time Bubba returns, he finds that
his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by
paramedics.
Working his way to his boss's side, Bubba asks him,
"What happened?"
His boss looks up and says, "I was doing just fine until you
and the Pope came out on the balcony, and then the
Japanese tourist standing next to me asked,
"Who's that on the balcony with Bubba?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Matt went into Doc Steven's office for his annual checkup,
and the Doc asked if there was anything unusual he should
know about.
That left it pretty wide open, so he told the Doc that he
found it real strange how his suit must've shrunk just sitting
in his closet, because it didn't fit when he went to get ready
for a wedding recently.
The Doc said, "Suits don't shrink just sittin' there. You
probably just put on a few pounds, Matt."
"That's just it, Doc, I know I haven't gained a single pound
since the last time I wore it."
"Well, then," said Doc, "You must have a case of Furniture
Disease."
"What in the world is Furniture Disease?" Matt asked.
"Furniture Disease, Matt, is when you reach that stage
in life when your chest starts slidin' down into your
drawers."
Today, Aug 21, in
1680 The Pueblo Indians drove the Spanish out and took
possession of Santa Fe, NM.
1831 Nat Turner, a former slave, led a violent insurrection
in Virginia. He was later executed.
1841 Patent for venetian blinds was issued to John Hampton.
1888 The adding machine was patented by William Burroughs.
1923 In Kalamazoo, Michigan, an ordinance was passed
forbidding dancers from gazing into the eyes of their
partner.
1943 Japan evacuated the Aleutian island of Kiaska. Kiaska
had been the last North American foothold held by the
Japanese.
1945 U.S. President Truman ended the Lend-Lease program
that had shipped about $50 billion in aid to America's
Allies during World War II.
1959 Hawaii became the 50th state. U.S. President Eisenhower
also issued the order for the 50 star flag.
1963 In South Vietnam, martial law was declared. Army
troops and police began to crackdown on the Buddhist
anti-government protesters.
1989 Voyager 2, a U.S. space probe, got close to the
Neptune moon called Triton.
1991 The hard-line coup against Soviet President Mikhail
Gorbachev ended. The uprising that led to the collapse
was led by Russian federation President Boris Yeltsin.
1993 NASA lost contact with the Mars Observer spacecraft.
The fate of the spacecraft was unknown. The mission cost
$980 million.
1997 Hudson Foods Inc. closed a plant in Nebraska after it
had recalled 25 million pounds of ground beef that was
potentially contaminated with E. coli. It was the largest
food recall in U.S. history.
1997 Afghanistan suspended its embassy operations in the
United States.
2002 In Pakistan, President General Pervez Musharraf
unilaterally amended the Pakistani constitution. He extended
his term in office and granted himself powers that included
the right to dissolve parliament.
2003 In Ghana, businessman Gyude Bryant was selected to
oversee the two-year power-sharing accord between Liberia's
rebels and the government. The accord was planned to guide
the country out of 14 years of civil war.
2013 smiled
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Can you send Internet Postcards via fax?
Tuesday, August 20, 2013, 09:39 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, August 20.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Television is the first truly democratic culture -
the first culture available to everybody and entirely
governed by what the people want. The most terrifying
thing is what people do want.
--- Clive Barnes
Today, there are three kinds of people:
the have's,
the have-not's,
and the have-not-paid-for-what-they-have's.
--- Earl Wilson
Thanks to Sandie, a blonde, who is allowed to tell blonde
jokes, for bringing back this classic:
A business man got on an elevator.
When he entered, there was a blonde already
inside who greeted him with a bright, "T-G-I-F."
He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T."
She looked puzzled and repeated, "T-G-I-F," more slowly.
He again answered, "S-H-I-T."
The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her
biggest smile, and said as sweetly as possibly, "T-G-I-F."
The man smiled back to her and once again, "S-H-I-T."
The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain.
'T-G-I-F' means 'Thank Goodness It's Friday.' Get it, duuhhh?"
The man answered,
"S-H-I-T' means 'Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday."
"Doctors at a hospital in Brooklyn, New York have gone on
strike. Hospital officials say they will find out what the
Doctors' demands are, as soon as they can get a nurse
over there to read the picket signs."
Back by popular demand!
GuiltFREE!
Simple Recipes You Can Use To Whip-up All-natural,
Gluten-free, Diabetic-safe, Mouthwatering Desserts.
Includes Gingerbread and the Famous Fat Burning Brownies!
Enjoy GuiltFREE! deserts and ease off any excess weight!
LOOSE weight and enjoy the goodies without guilt!
You get a bunch of bonus books just for looking!
An office reports that they have an answering machine that
instructs callers to leave their name and address, and to spell
any difficult words.
Early one Monday when the secretary was reviewing the weekend
messages, she heard an enthusiastic young woman recite her
name and address and then confidently offer,
"My difficult word is reconciliation.
R-E-C-O-N-C-I-L-I-A-T-I-O-N."
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture:
Click on the picture for the large version
Jamtland N.Sweden
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Ashley Bernice Ortiz Del Valle, 28, Ft Myers, Floriduh
Jailed After Giving Herself A
Black Eye, Falsely Claiming That
She Had Been Kidnapped And Robbed
Ashley Bernice Ortiz Del Valle, a 28-year-old Florida woman,
has been jailed after she allegedly gave herself a black eye
before falsely claiming that she had been kidnapped
According to the Lee County Sheriff's Office, an
investigation was launched Wednesday after Del Valle told
detectives that she had been kidnapped and assaulted
before making a death-defying get-away.
Del Valle told detectives that she was stopped at a stop
sign while driving to a nearby bank when a man and a
woman jumped into her vehicle through the passenger side
door and put a gun to her head.
Del Valle stated that the two suspects forced her to
swallow two pills, punched her repeatedly in the face
and robbed her of her cash and jewelry. At some point
during the supposed kidnapping, Del Valle bravely
doused the suspects with pepper spray before fleeing
the scene.
After telling her husband about the incident, Del Valle
went to a local hospital where she was treated for her
injuries.
During the investigation, however, detectives noted
several inconsistencies with Del Valle's statements.
Forensic evidence taken from the vehicle and a bank
deposit slip showing that Del Valle had already been
to the bank at the time of the alleged assault, gave
detectives an opportunity to challenge Del Valle's
statements.
Detectives also found the jewelry Del Valle claimed
had been stolen inside her vehicle.
Del Valle eventually admitted to making the entire
story up, stating that she didn't expect her husband
to report the incident. She also admitted to staging
the crime scene and giving herself a black eye to make
her story more believable.
Del Valle was booked into the Lee County Jail and
charged with making a false report.
Tech Support Pits
From: Pattij
Re: Send postcards via fax
Dear Webby,
Good Afternoon....
I have an older cousin who is a Mennonite
and uses faxes for her correspondence. She does not own
or use a computer and does very little writing because
of arthritis. Is it possible to choose one of your cards
and have it delivered via a fax rather than an e/mail?
Look forward to hearing from you. Thank you....
pj vickery
Dear Pattij
Just send the card to yourself, and print it to fax.
If you have Winfax enabled for sending and receiving faxes,
then you can fax it to her without wasting paper.
When Winfax is enabled, "FAX" shows up as a choice of
printers, when you print something. Choose that. It will
then ask you for the fax number of the recipient, and
give you the option of starting an address book.
You can even add a subject and then hit SEND.
When it is all done, it will tell you, that the
fax has been sent successfully.
Except for newer computers, a socket for plugging
in a phone line is standard. With newer ones, you have
to buy an external network card with a phone socket,
so that you can use dial-up and fax.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
 |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Convert Tank Tops Into Bags
Take an old child's shirt, preferably with spaghetti straps.
Turn it inside out and sew the bottom of the shirt. Turn
it right way and you're done. Great for small games and
books. We also use them in the summer for each child's
swimsuit and towel.
By coville123 from Brockville, Ontario
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
After Jane's son fell into the pond yet again and came home
with his good school clothes dripping wet, the exasperated
Jane sent him to his room and washed and dried his clothes.
A little later, Jane heard a commotion in the back yard.
She called out "Are you out there wetting your pants again!?"
There was dead silence for a moment. Then a deep, masculine
voice answered meekly, "No, ma'am, I'm just reading the meter."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Thanks to Fran for this story:
Soon after our last child left home for college, my husband
was resting next to me on the couch with his head in my lap.
I carefully removed his glasses. "You know, honey," I said
sweetly, "Without your glasses you look like the same hand-
some young man I married."
"Honey," he replied, "Without my glasses, you still look
pretty good too!"
Today, Aug 20, in
1641 Scotland and Britain signed Treaty of Pacification.
1741 Danish navigator Vitus Bering discovered Alaska.
1882 Tchaikovsky's "1812 Overture" debuted in Moscow.
1914 German forces occupied Brussels, Belgium, during WWI.
1918 The British opened its Western Front offensive
during World War I.
1940 France fell to the Germans during World War II.
1953 It was announced by the Soviet Union that they
had detonated a hydrogen bomb.
1955 In Morocco and Algeria hundreds of people were
killed in anti-French rioting.
1968 The Soviet Union and other Warsaw Pact nations began
invading Czechoslovakia to crush the "Prague Spring"
iberalization.
1977 Voyager 2 was launched by the United States. The
spacecraft was carrying a 12 inch copper phonograph
record containing greetings in dozens of languages,
samples of music and sounds of nature.
1985 The original Xerox 914 copier was presented to the
Smithsonian Institute's Museum of American History.
Chester Carlson was the man who invented the machine.
1991 A rally of more that 100,000 people occurred outside
the Russian parliament building to protest the coup that
removed Gorbachev from power.
1997 Britain began voluntary evacuation of its Caribbean
island of Montserrat due to the volcanic activity of
the Soufriere Hills.
1998 Canada's Supreme Court announced that Quebec could
not secede without the federal government's consent.
1998 U.S. military forces attacked a terrorist camp in
Afghanistan and a chemical plant in Sudan. Both targets
were chosen for cruise missile strikes due to their
connection with Osama bin Laden.
1998 The U.N. Security Council extended trade sanctions
against Iraq for blocking arms inspections.
2013 smiled
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( 2.9 / 864 )
Monday, August 19, 2013, 10:45 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, August 19.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
There is no reciprocity. Men love women,
women love children,
children love hamsters.
--- Alice Thomas Ellis
Manager: "For a man with no experience, you are certainly
asking for a high salary."
Applicant: "Well, the work is much harder when you don't
know what you're doing!"
A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon.
"How do you know what to say?" he asked.
"God tells me."
"Oh, OK. Then why do you keep crossing things out?"
Thanks to Cynn for her picture:
Click on the picture for the large version
This was the view one morning on my way to work across
Halifax Harbour on the ferry.
Cynn
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Johnnie Gooden Jr, 29, Bryan, TX
Jailed After Telling Bank Teller
That he Was Obama's Adoptive Son,
Demanding Access To Bank Account
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Johnnie Gooden Jr., a 29-year-old Texas bonehead, has been
jailed after he allegedly walked into an area bank, claimed
that he was President Obama's adoptive son, and demanded
access to Michelle Obama's account.
According to police, Gooden walked into a College Station
bank and reportedly told the teller that Mr. and Mrs. Obama
had recently adopted him into their family.
Gooden then went on to say that Michelle Obama contacted
him over Facebook and told him that they wanted to adopt
him.
Investigators say Gooden then demanded access to Michelle
Obama's account. When the teller told Gooden that Mr. and
Mrs. Obama did not have an account with them, Gooden
refused to leave until his access to the account was granted.
When an officer arrived at the bank a short time later,
Gooden suddenly stopped talking. The officer conducted
an i.d. check on Gooden and arrested him after learning
that he had outstanding warrants for resisting arrest
and assault on a public servant.
During a pat down search at the scene, Gooden was found
to be in possession of two bags of marijuana.
He was booked into jail and charged with possession of
marijuana in addition to the two warrants.
Someone needs to tell him in which direction entitlement
works.
Tech Support Pits
From: Ron
Re: Where is the link for SmartPC Fixer?
Dear Webby,
Where is the link for SmartPC Fixer,
the program you mentioned in the Sunday issue??
Ron
Dear Ron
Sorry about not making it clickable:
Here it is: SmartPCFixer
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
 |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Line Cupboards with Vinyl Tiles
Use peel and stick vinyl tiles to line your kitchen
cupboards. They are inexpensive and wipe clean so
easily.
By Connie J.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
>From Dianne
During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you
Determine whether or not an older person should be put in
a Nursing Home?"
"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a
teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the
bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use
the Bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the
teacup."
"No" he said. "A normal person would pull the plug.
Do you Want a bed near the window?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Our Air National guard unit conducted weapons-qualifying
at the firing range. We had been issued our last rounds of
ammo and were firing at the silhouettes, when a great gust
of wind ripped the targets from their frames, and they
fluttered away.
Firing stopped as we looked to the range officials.
"Keep shooting, Boys," a voice yelled.
"We've got 'em on the run now."
Today, Aug 19, in
1812 "Old Ironsides" (the USS Constitution) won a battle
against the British frigate Guerriere east of Nova Scotia.
1848 The discovery of gold in California was reported by
the New York Herald.
1856 The process of processing condensed milk was patented
by Gail Borden.
1909 The first car race to be run on brick occurred
at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway.
1919 Afghanistan gained independence from Britain.
1929 "Amos and Andy," the radio comedy program, made
its debut on NBC starring Freeman Gosden and
Charles Correll.
1934 Adolf Hitler was approved for sole executive
power in Germany as Fuehrer.
1940 The new Civil Aeronautics Administration
awarded honorary license #1 to Orville Wright.
1942 About 6,000 Canadian soldiers launched a raid
against the Germans at Dieppe, France. They
suffered about 50 percent casualties.
1960 Francis Gary Powers, an American U-2 pilot, was
convicted of espionage in Moscow.
1960 Two dogs were launched in a satellite into Earth's
orbit by the Soviet Union.
1974 During an anti-American protest in Nicosia, Cyprus,
U.S. Ambassador Rodger P. Davies was fatally wounded
by a bullet while in the American embassy.
1981 Two Libyan SU-22s were shot down by two U.S. Navy
F-14 fighters in the Gulf of Sidra.
1991 Soviet hard-liners announced that President
Mikhail Gorbachev had been removed from power.
Gorbachev returned to power two days later.
1998 The first piece of the 351 foot bronze statue
of Christopher Columbus arrived in San Juan, Puerto Rico.
1999 In Belgrade, thousands of Serbs attended a rally to
demand the resignation of Yugoslavia's President
Slobodan Milosevic.
2004 Google Inc. stock began selling on the Nasdaq Stock
Market. The initial price was set at $85 and ended the
day at $100.34 with more than 22 million shares traded.
2013 smiled
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( 2.9 / 700 )
File system problem on HP laptop
Sunday, August 18, 2013, 10:12 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, August 18.
Thank you, Donnie!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Historically, the claim of consensus has been the first
refuge of scoundrels; it is a way to avoid debate by
claiming that the matter is already settled.
--- Michael Crichton (1942 - 2008)
Like Al Gore's "Consensus of grant seekers" substituting
for verifyable science.
Insanity in individuals is something rare -
but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule.
--- Friedrich Nietzsche
Recently launched into the "real world" and shocked by the
expenses that came with it, my brother was complaining
about the high cost of auto insurance.
"If you got married," teased my dad, "the premium would be
much lower."
My brother smiled and said, "Dad, that would be like buying
an airline just to get free peanuts."
One night, at the lodge of a hunting club, two new members
were being introduced to other members and shown around.
The man leading them around said, "See that old man asleep
in the chair by the fireplace? He is our oldest member and
can tell you some hunting stories you'll never forget."
They awakened the old man and asked him to tell them a
story.
"Well, I remember back in 1944, we went on a lion hunting
expedition in Africa. We were on foot and hunted for three
days without seeing a thing. On the fourth day, I was so
tired I had to rest my feet. I found a fallen tree, so I laid
my gun down, propped my head on the tree, and fell asleep.
I don't know how long I was asleep when I was awakened
by a noise in the bushes.
I was reaching for my gun when the biggest damn lion I'd
ever seen jumped out of the bushes at me like this:
RRROOAARRR!!!
...........I tell you, I just messed my pants."
The young men looked astonished and one of them said,
"I don't blame you, I would have messed my pants too if a
lion jumped out at me."
The old man shook his head and said, "No, no... not back
then, just now, when I said RRROOAAARRR!!!"
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture:
Click on the picture for the large version
After the thunderstorm
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Walter Gafvert, 48, Santa Cruz, California
Bonehead caught downloading
child porn at police station
Reported by Cookie
A man arrested on child porn charges was caught downloading
even more pornography at the police station.
Walter Gafvert, 48, was arrested Wednesday after Santa Cruz
police found thousands of illegal images at his home.
Police say when they brought him in for questioning they
actually caught him downloading more illegal porn onto his
smartphone at the police station.
Detectives are working to identify those images.
Tech Support Pits
From: Rita
Re: Disk problem on HP
Dear Webby,
I have a HP laptop with W7..the other day I rebooted
my comp..and when it came back on a message came up
telling me that it was checking file system file C file
is NTFS..one of the discs has to be checked for consistency..
I have no idea what any of that means..After about 1 ½ hrs..
I shut it off and turned it back on with the same message..
so I kept clicking keys and finally got my desktop to come up..
so the next morning my comp. had nothing but a black screen..
I turned it off and back on with the same message..let it run
for over an hr. thinking maybe it might run it’s course..
just seemed like it had frozen up..so clicked again and
finally my desktop came back on..I haven’t turned my comp off
since them..that was 2 days ago..could I have a corrupted
hard drive or could the hard drive be going bad? Laptop is 3
years old..any help would be greatly appreciated….
Have a great day.
Rita
Dear Rita
Before you do anything else, back up all your data onto a
separate drive or CDs or upload it onto the net.
With data, I mean pictures, documents, spreadsheets, email,
any stuff you produced or received. Also back up all program
registration codes, in case you have to re-install them.
After that, once your data is safe, run a reputable virus scan,
like McAfee or Kasperski, not one of the freebie ones, that are
not good enough to sell for money, and that you probably
already have.
Then run SmartPCFixer
Hopefully that will straighten out the damaged file system.
If it doesn't, you may have to format and re-install Windows.
You can try calling HP support, however, it is apparently
extremely difficult to get any useful help from them.
Try those steps for now, and let me know how it worked out.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
 |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Keep Lemon Wedges in the Freezer
I wash and dry fresh lemons. Cut them into wedges and
de-seed them. Toss them into a freezer proof bag or
container.
Whenever I need a lemon in my drink, I add the frozen wedges.
No need to thaw, use them frozen. If you need lemon for
cooking/baking, take the wedges out of freezer and let
thaw a bit.
By Laura from PA
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Bob had invited the pastor and his wife for dinner, and it
was little Joey's job to set the table. But when it came
time to eat, Joey's mother said with surprise,
"Why didn't you give Mrs. Brown a knife and fork dear?"
"I didn't think I needed to," as everyone listened as Joey
explained, "I heard Daddy say she always eats like a horse."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
In the beginning, God created earth and rested.
Then God created man and rested.
Then God created woman.
Since then, neither God nor man has rested.
Today, Aug 18, in
1227 The Mongol conqueror Ghengis Khan died.
1587 Virginia Dare became the first child to be born on
American soil of English parents. The colony that is now
Roanoke Island, NC, mysteriously vanished.
1846 Gen. Stephen W. Kearney and his U.S. forces captured
Santa Fe, NM.
1914 The "Proclamation of Neutrality" was issued by U.S.
President Woodrow Wilson. It was aimed at keeping the U.S.
out of World War I.
1919 The "Anti-Cigarette League of America" was formed
in Chicago IL.
1920 Tennessee ratified the 19th Amendment to the U.S.
Constitution. The Amendment guaranteed the right of all
American women to vote.
1938 The Thousand Islands Bridge was dedicated by U.S.
President Franklin D. Roosevelt. The bridge connects
the U.S. and Canada.
1940 Canada and the U.S. established a joint defense plan
against possible enemy attacks during World War II.
1966 The first pictures of earth taken from moon orbit were
sent back to the U.S.
1990 The first shots were fired by the U.S. in the Persian
Gulf Crisis when a U.S. frigate fired rounds across the
bow of an Iraqi oil tanker.
1991 An unsuccessful coup was attempted in against President
Mikhail S. Gorbachev. The Soviet hard-liners were responsible.
Gorbechev and his family were effectively imprisoned for
three days while vacationing in Crimea.
1997 Beth Ann Hogan became the first coed in the Virginia
Military Institute's 158-year history.
1998 Mrs. Field's Original Cookies announced that they would
acquire the Great American Cookie Co.
2013 smiled
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( 3 / 1189 )
Icons too small after W7 update
Saturday, August 17, 2013, 11:31 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, August 17.
Thank you, Donnie!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
"Thinking is a habit, and like any other habit,
it can be changed; it just takes effort and repetition."
--- John Eliot
Two rednecks were driving a semi down a road when they came
to an overpass. The sign said 10 feet zero inches, so they
got out to measure their truck. Unfortunately, the truck was
just over 12 feet high.
They didn't know what to do, when finally one of them looked
both directions and said, "I don't see any cops,
let's go for it!"
A Scotsman, planning a trip to the Holy Land, was aghast
when he found it would cost fifty dollars an hour to rent
a boat on the Sea of Galilee. "Hoot mon," he said,
"in Scotland it wouldna ha been more than $5."
"That might be true," said the travel agent, "but you
have to take into account that the Sea of Galilee is water
on which our Lord Himself walked."
"Well, at $50 an hour for a boat," said the Scotsman,
"it's no wonder He walked."
Thanks to ChuckE
Click on the picture for the large version
I hope you can see this picture I thought I'd send you in
case you're looking for something to stick in a newsletter.
I shot this this summer when I visited the 1000 Islands.
It's been a cool summer up there, but the sunsets are still
just as beautiful as always.
ChuckE
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Mario Garcia and Domingo Garcia-Hernandez, Chicago, Illinois
Robbers Told By Restaurant
Owner He is Busy
Mario Garcia and Domingo Garcia-Hernandez walked into the
busy Chicago Clifton Grill restaurant and flashed what
appeared to be a gun. The owner out of concern for his
customers told the robbers he was busy and for them to come
back in an hour. When they left, he called police who
responded and waited for the robbers to return. Both
were arrested when they returned an hour later.
The gun Garcia-Hernandez was carrying turned out to be a
replica MAC-10 shaped water squirt gun.
The report did not state, whether it was loaded or not.
Tech Support Pits
From: Kara
Re: Icons too small after update
Dear Webby
Ever since the last Windows 7 update, the icons are way too
small. I can't find any instructions in Help or on the net
on how to restore them to a legible size. Can you please
help me?
Kara
Dear Kara
Have you ecer noticed this little picture?
Click on the desktop
Hold down the CTRL key, and roll the mouse scroll wheel
away from you. Gently! A quarter turn of the mouse wheel
is probably too much.
Just turn the wheel back and forth until the icons are in
a comfortable size, then let go of the CTRL key.
That's all there is to it.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
 |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Frugal Gift Bags
Give the kids a stack of brown paper lunch bags to decorate.
Use them for small gifts. Add a ribbon tie, a raffia bow
or staple shut and add a stick-on bow and you're good
to go!
By Linda
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Arriving back at the dorm late one evening, my roommate
explained that she had gotten lost in the school library.
No one was surprised, since the library is large and has
a confusing layout.
When I asked her how long it took her to find an exit, she
admitted she hadn't actually found the exit herself. She'd
used an emergency phone to call for help.
Puzzled, I asked, "How did your rescuers find you if you
didn't know where you were?"
"Easy," she said. "I started reading titles of books around
me, and they located my position from the card catalogue."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
>From Ed
During my stay at an expensive hotel in New York City, I
woke up in the middle of the night with an upset stomach.
I called room service and ordered some soda crackers. When
I looked at the charge slip, I was furious. I called room
service and raged, "Hey, I know I'm in a luxury hotel, but
$11.50 for six crackers borders on the ridiculous!"
"The crackers are complimentary," the voice at the other
end coolly explained. "I believe, sir, you are complaining
about your room number."
Today, Aug 13, in
1790 The capital city of the U.S. moved to Philadelphia
from New York City.
1815 Napoleon began serving his exile when he arrived at
the island of St. Helena.
1835 Solyman Merrick patented the wrench.
1859 A hot air balloon was used to carry mail for the first
time. John Wise left Lafayette, IN, for New York City with
100 letters. He had to land after only 27 miles.
1863 Federal batteries and ships bombarded Fort Sumter in
Charleston, SC, harbor during the Civil War.
1896 The Klondike gold rush was set off by George Carmack
discovering gold on Rabbit Creek in Alaska.
1903 Joseph Pulitzer donated a million dollars to Columbia
University. This started the Pulitzer Prizes in his name.
1915 Charles F. Kettering patented the electric automobile
starter.
1943 The Allied conquest of Sicily was completed as U.S.
and British forces entered Messina.
1945 The nationalists of Indonesia declared their
independence from the Netherlands.
1961 The Communist East German government completed the
construction of the Berlin Wall.
1977 Florists Transworld Delivery (FTD) reported that
in one day the number of orders for flowers to be
delivered to Graceland had surpassed the number for any
other event in the company's history.
1978 Maxie Anderson, Ben Abruzzo and Larry Newman became
the first to land after a successful trans-Atlantic balloon
flight. The voyage began in Presque Isle, ME and ended
in Miserey, France.
1982 The U.S. Senate approved an immigration bill that
granted permanent resident status to illegal aliens who
had arrived in the United States before 1977.
1992 Woody Allen admitted to being romantically involved
with Soon-Yi Previn. The girl was the adopted daughter
of Mia Farrow, Allen's longtime companion.
1998 U.S. President Clinton admitted to having an improper
relationship with Monica Lewinsky, a White House intern.
1998 Russia devalued the ruble.
2002 In Santa Rosa, CA, the Charles M. Schulz Museum opened
to the public.
2013 smiled
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( 2.9 / 642 )
Printing on both sides od paper
Tuesday, August 13, 2013, 11:09 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, August 13.
Today I have to go to Calgary for the August
injections into my eyeballs. That means no newsletters will
be sent out Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.
And no emails will be answered on those days.
If you have an emergency, please write to Ophelia
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone
who can do him absolutely no good.
--- Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784),
>From Moe
One brave doctor
During a lady's medical examination, the doctor says:
"Your heart, lungs, pulse and blood pressure are all fine.
Now let me see the bit that gets you ladies into all kinds
of trouble."
The lady starts taking off her underwear but is interrupted
by the doctor.
"No! No! Don't remove your clothes.
Just stick out your tongue!"
A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the
burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
"You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant.
"No, no, no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into
the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do
that for years!"
Click on the picture for the large version
Somebody heard a can opener!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Jessica Wood, 27, of Larose, Louisiana
Drunk in court, with kids
It's never a good idea to show up drunk to court.
It's an even worse idea to bring your kids along
for the show.
Jessica Wood, a Louisiana woman, decided she'd show up drunk
-- and with two children in tow -- to fight charges of
driving under suspension, no insurance and failure to secure
registration in Lafourche Parish court Aug. 7, according to
NBC 33 TV.
The judge had Wood arrested for contempt of court after she
delivered several profanities with slurred speech while
addressing him, and then failed to remain silent at his
instruction. The judge entered a plea of not guilty to
the traffic charges on Wood's behalf, the Associated
Press reported.
Tests later revealed Wood's blood alcohol concentration
was .271 percent. The threshold for intoxication in
Louisiana is .08 percent. A BAC of .3 is considered lethal
in some jurisdictions, although that hasn't stopped some
people from living to tell about it.
Wood temporarily lost custody of her two children due to
the incident, and will spend 150 days in jail. She may face
additional charges of child endangerment.
A pretrial hearing on the traffic charges of failure to
secure registration, driving under suspension and no
insurance was set for Nov. 12.
Tech Support Pits
From: Harold
Re: Double Sided Printing
Dear Webby
I have a Brother MFC multifunction printer. It's a great
printer, but unfortunately prints on only one side. To print
the back side, it's a tedious shuffle to get the papers in
the right order so that the page numbering does not
get out of sequence. Is there a trick to that?
Harold
Dear Harold
The trick is to click on the ClickBook link in the left
side menu, or to go to http://webby.com/clickbook
and get Clickbook. It does all the shuffling for you.
Whenever I buy an e-book or a lengthy report, I hit CTRL P
to print, Select ClickBook as the printer, select
"4 pages per sheet Booklet" from the 170 different formats
that are available, and let it rip.
When the printer stops spitting pages, I drop the entire
printed stack, as is, into the paper feed tray. No turning,
no flipping, just drop the whole stack. Then it prints the
back sides.
When the printer is finished with the back sides, I fold the
stack in half and shoot some staples through the spine.
That way, a 200 page e-book prints on 50 sheets of paper,
all pages in perfect sequence and numbering. I have used
it for years and it has never messed up a single print job.
Whenever something to be printed is more than a single
page, I use ClickBook.
That little program cuts my paper and ink and printer
replacement cost to 1/4 of what it would otherwise be.
It's also perfect for reading while traveling. Instead of
loose, full size sheets, you have your reading material
in compact paperback book size, that is a lot less hassle
on a plane.
For MapQuest driving directions I select the 4 pages/sheet
flip-down format like Ralley maps. That makes quite a
difference in fast traffic in a strange city.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
 |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Spices and Extract to
Deodorize Your Microwave
To get rid of the awful lingering smell of burnt microwave
popcorn, fill a large microwave-safe bowl with one cup of
water and sprinkle your favorite spice like cinnamon or
add several drops of vanilla or lemon extract. Bring to
a boil. Let it sit inside for 10 to 15 minutes to cool
down. Simply wipe the walls down with paper towels. Leave
the door open to further air it out.
By Rachel's Mom
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
A man really loved a woman, but he was just too shy to propose
to her. Now he was up in his years and neither of them had ever
been married. Of course, they dated about once a week for the
past six years, but he was so timid he just never got around to
suggesting marriage much less living together.
But one day, he became determined to ask her the question.
So he calls her on the phone, "June."
"Yes, this is June."
"Will you marry me?"
"Of course I will! Who's this?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
A lawyer read the will of a rich man to the deceased's
family: "To my loving wife Rose, who stood by me in rough
times, as well as good, I leave the house and $2 million."
The lawyer continued, "To my daughter Jessica, who looked
after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave
the yacht, the business and $1million."
The lawyer concluded, "And, to my cousin Dan, who hated
me, argued with me, and said that I would never mention
him in my will - well you are wrong. Hi Dan!"
Today, Aug 13, in
1521 - Present day Mexico City was captured by Spanish
conqueror Hernando Cortez from the Aztec Indians.
1704 - The Battle of Blenheim was fought during the War
of the Spanish Succession, resulting in a victory for
English and Austrian forces.
1792 - French revolutionaries took the entire French
royal family and imprisoned them.
1846 The American Flag was raised for the first time
in Los Angeles, CA.
1876 The Reciprocity Treaty between the U.S. and Hawaii
was ratified.
1889 A patent for a coin-operated telephone was issued
to William Gray.
1907 The first taxicab started on the streets of
New York City.
1912 The first experimental radio license was issued to
St. Joseph's College in Philadelphia, PA.
1931 The first community hospital in the U.S. was
dedicated in Elk City, OK.
1932 Adolf Hitler refused to take the post of
vice-chancellor of Germany. He said he was going to
hold out "for all or nothing."
1934 Al Capp's comic strip "L'il Abner" made its debut
in newspapers.
1935 The first roller derby match was held at the
Coliseum in Chicago, IL.
1959 In New York, ground was broken on the $320 million
Verrazano Narrows Bridge.
1960 "Echo I," a balloon satellite, allowed the first
two-way telephone conversation by satellite to take place.
1961 Berlin was divided by a barbed wire fence to halt
the flight of refugees. Two days later work on the Berlin
Wall began.
1985 The engagement of Maria Shriver and Arnold
Schwarzenagger was announced.
1990 Iraq transferred $3-4 billion in bullion, currency,
and other goods seized from Kuwait to Baghdad.
1992 Woody Allen began legal action to win custody of his
three children. A judge ruled against Allen in 1993.
1994 It was reported that aspirin not only helps reduce
the risk of heart disease, but also helps prevent colon
cancer.
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Monday, August 12, 2013, 12:49 PM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, August 12.
Thank you, Nancy!
Thank you Bonita!
Tomorrow I have to go to Calgary for the August
injections into my eyeballs. That means no newsletters will
be sent out Wednesday, Tursday and Friday. And no emails will
be answered on those days.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
It is not fair to ask of others
what you are unwilling to do yourself.
--- Eleanor Roosevelt (1884 - 1962)
A college professor asked his class a question. "If
Philadelphia is 100 miles from New York and Chicago
is 1000 miles from Philadelphia and Los Angles is
2000 miles from Chicago, how old am I?"
One student in the back of the class raised his hand
and when called upon said "Professor you're 44.."
The Professor said "You're absolutely correct, but
tell me, how did you arrive at the answer so quickly?"
The student said. "You see professor, I have a brother;
he's 22, and he's half nuts."
1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people
that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the
near future.
2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself
for the purpose of getting laid.
3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which
renders the subject financially impotent for an
indefinite period.
4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic
wit and the person who doesn't get it.
6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when
you are running late.
7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.
8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease.
9. Karmageddon (n): its like, when everybody is sending
off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like,
the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
10. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through
the day consuming only things that are good for you.
11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.
12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to
seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed
just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that
gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot
be cast out.
15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding
half a grub in the fruit you're eating.
And the pick of the literature:
16. Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
Thanks to Cookie for this picture by her sister-in-law Pam:
Click on the picture for the large version
Virginia sunset
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Rebecca Simmons, 45, Riverview, Floriduh
Stabbing McDonald's Customer
In The Buttocks
The commotion began when Rebecca Simmons, 45, reportedly
attempted to cut ahead of Mohammad Abukhder, 35, as they
were starting their Wednesday morning with a McDonald's
breakfast in Riverview, Fla., WTSP reports.
Abukhder complained, causing Simmons to exit her car holding
a small knife and puncture the hood of Abukhder's 2000 Honda
Civic, according to ABC Action News. Then, as Abukhder tried
to grab Simmons' keys so she could not leave, she allegedly
stabbed him in the right buttocks.
Abukhder suffered a small puncture and did not require
medical attention.
Simmons was arrested and brought to the Orient Road Jail
on charges of aggravated battery with a deadly weapon and
criminal mischief with property damage, according to the
Tampa Tribune.
Tech Support Pits
From: Neil
Re: Subject: How to transfer files to new machine
Dear Webby
I bought the Belkin Easy transfer cable from ebay.
Here is one listed for $4.99
http://www.ebay.com/itm/belkin-easy-tra ... 33845a7d76
The cable is also available from many big box stores including
Wal Mart. The cost there is somewhat higher.
Just plug the cable in to your old machine, and your new one and
let it work. All files and program settings will be transferred
over including your email settings
As the old machine is XP, you will need to install the transfer
program on the CD included with the cables.
If you are transferring to a XP machine, you will need to install
on both machines.
Having purchased the cable, I am now in demand among friends
and acquaintances to help them. I get numerous free meals out
of the bargain!
Neil
Dear Neil
In the 80's and early 90's I used to use the LapLink Cables
and disk for that. I still have the blue and the yellow cable,
but have long lost the floppy with the program.
Most likely that Belking Transfer Cable is a modern improvement
of the old LapLink cables, and worth checking out!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
 |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Coffee Filter to Hold Snacks
Cone shaped filters can be used for small snacks like dry
cereal, goldfish crackers, and pretzels. Have children
decorate with crayons or markers as they wait for their
perfectly portioned snack. Coffee filters are much cheaper
than paper cups or bowls, and they're environmentally
friendly. My kids always think of creative ways to use
them after snack too.
By lessisbest from Wilmington, MA
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
What My Mother Taught Me:
TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE:
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I just
finished cleaning!"
RELIGION:
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
TIME TRAVEL:
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into
the middle of next week!"
LOGIC:
"Because I said so, that's why."
FORESIGHT:
"Make sure you wear clean Underwear, in case you're in an
accident."
IRONY:
"Keep laughing and I'll give you something to cry about."
OSMOSIS:
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"
CONTORTIONISM:
"Will you "look" at the dirt on the back of your neck!"
STAMINA:
"You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished."
WEATHER:
"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."
PHYSICS PROBLEMS:
"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you;
would you listen then?"
HYPOCRISY:
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times -
don't exaggerate!!!"
THE CIRCLE OF LIFE:
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION:
"Stop acting like your father!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Sam and James were very good friends. One day Sam came over
to James's house to visit, but when he entered the home, James
wasn't there. James's wife was holding their baby and trying
to put up curtains at the same time.
She said, "Sam, I'm glad you came, would you mind holding
the baby while I finish the curtains? He's in a eally restless
mood!"
So Sam did his best trying to keep the baby from wrestling
out of his arms. A few minutes later, James came in and
said to Sam, "How ya doin, Sam?"
Sam replied, "I'm holding my own".
That's when the battle started.
Today, Aug 12, in
1676 "King Phillip's War" came to an end with the killing of
Indian chief King Phillip. The war between the Indians and
the Europeans lasted for two years.
1851 Isaac Singer was issued a patent on the double-headed
sewing machine.
1865 Disinfectant was used for the first time during surgery
by Joseph Lister.
1877 Thomas Edison invented the phonograph and made the first
sound recording.
1898 Hawaii was annexed by the U.S. Hawaii was later given
territorial status and was given Statehood in 1959.
1898 The Spanish-American War was ended with the signing of
the peace protocol. The U.S. acquired Guam, Puerto Rico and
the Philippines. Hawaii was also annexed.
1915 "Of Human Bondage", by William Somerset Maugham, was
first published.
1939 "The Wizard of Oz" premiered in Oconomowoc, WI. Judy
Garland became famous for the movie's song "Somewhere Over
the Rainbow."
1953 The Soviet Union secretly tested its first hydrogen bomb.
1960 The balloon satellite Echo One was launched by the U.S.
from Cape Canaveral, FL. It was the first communications
satellite.
1962 The Soviet Union launched Pavel Popovich into orbit.
Popovich and Andrian Nikolayev, who was launch a day before,
both landed on August 15.
1977 The space shuttle Enterprise passed its first solo
flight test.
1981 IBM unveiled its first PC.
1985 A Japan Air Lines Boeing 747 crashed into a mountain
killing 520 people.
1986 It was announced by NASA that they had selected a new
rocket design for the space shuttle. The move was made in
an effort at correcting the flaws that were believed to
have been responsible for the Challenger disaster.
1992 The U.S., Canada, and Mexico announced that the North
American Free Trade Agreement had been created after
14 months of negotiations.
1993 U.S. President Clinton lifted the ban on rehiring air
traffic controllers that had been fired for going on strike
in 1981.
1998 Swiss banks agreed to pay $1.25 billion as restitution
to World War II Holocaust victims.
1999 Hang Thu Thi Ngyuen shot an arrow from a bow with her
feet on "Guinness World Records: Primetime" and hit a target
that was 16 feet and 5 inches away.
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Transfer files to new machine
Sunday, August 11, 2013, 12:05 PM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, August 11.
Thank you, Nancy!
Thank you Bonita!
On Tuesday I have to go to Calgary for the August
injections into my eyeballs. That means no newsletters will
be sent out Wednesday, Tursday and Friday. And no emails will
be answered on those days.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
In case you're worried about what's going to become of the
younger generation, it's going to grow up and start worrying
about the younger generation.
--- Roger Allen
There are only two things a child will share willingly:
communicable diseases and his mother's age.
--- Benjamin Spock
You'll Know Yours Is A Redneck Church If:
* The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the
purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows
how to play one.
* People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000,
whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait
was used to catch 'em.
* The pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up
the offering." Then five guys and two women stand up.
* Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official
church holiday.
* The choir is known as the "OK Chorale".
* In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven
last names in the church directory.
* Baptism is referred to as "branding".
* There is a special fund raiser for a new church septic
tank.
* Finding and returning lost sheep isn't just a parable.
* High notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to
howling.
* People think "rapture" is what you get when you slip
while lifting a beer keg.
* The baptismal font is a #2 galvanized washtub.
* The choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with
the logo from) Billy Bob's Towing and Junkyard.
* The collection plates are really hub caps from a '56 Chevy.
* The final "Amen" is drowned out by all the 4x4's in the
parking lot starting up.
Morris went to his lawyer Birnbaum and told him, "My
neighbor owes me $500 and he doesn't want to pay up.
What should I do?"
"Do you have any proof?" asked the lawyer.
"Nope," Morris replied.
"Okay, then write him a nasty letter asking him for the
$1000 he owes you," said the lawyer Birnbaum.
"But it's only $500," Morris insisted.
"Precisely. That's what he will reply and we will
then have the proof we need to nail him."
Thanks to Betty for this picture:
Click on the picture for the large version
Sunset on Vancouver Island
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Desiree Romero, 28, Florence, Arizona
Charged With Eating Drugs
From Vagina During Jail Search
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Desiree Romero, a 28-year-old Arizona woman, was jailed
Thursday after she was caught eating drugs from her vagina
while she was being incarcerated on drug charges.
According to the Pinal County Sheriff's Office, Romero
and 26-year-old Thomas Duke were traveling on Interstate 10
Thursday evening when a deputy stopped a minivan they were
traveling in for a traffic violation.
The officer noted a large sign covering the van's back window
as he pulled in behind it, which prompted a search of the
vehicle. Officers recovered 14 large bundles of marijuana
from the van at an estimated street value of $272,000.
During the search, officers also recovered a vial of meth
from Romero's purse. Romero denied having any other drugs
located on her person as deputies arrested her and
transported her to jail.
During the booking process, Romero was asked to submit to
a second search. That's when she allegedly retrieved about
a gram of marijuana and meth from her vagina and attempted
to swallow them.
Detention officers were able to grab the drugs out of
Romero's mouth before they were ingested.
Romero and Duke were booked into the Pinal County Detention
Center and charged with possession of marijuana with intent
to sell, transportation of marijuana and marijuana possession.
Romero was also charged with possession of a dangerous drug,
possession of drug paraphernalia and promoting prison
contraband.
Duke is currently on parole for forgery and identity theft.
Tech Support Pits
From: Mark
Re: Transfer data from old to new machine
Dear Webby
My wife will soon be taking possession of a new PC with
Windows 7. Can you recommend a product or method
to transfer her files & settings from her old PC which is
running Windows XP. I understand I need to manually
install the application software that she needs.
Thanks for a great e-zine - it's an awesome start to the day.
Regards
Mark
Dear Mark
Since you plan to r-install all programs, why not just
format the hard drive, and re-install everything?
She is NOT going to like W7, and demand that anyway.
After you format and re-install XP, it will be as fast
as it was when you originally bought the machine.
You could insert a new hard drive, that is no big deal.
Then set that one as the main drive, and the old drive
as the second drive. You simply move the little jumper
on the drive from Master to Slave. Usually there is a
little diagram for that right on the drive.
Then you can copy what you need from the old drive,
as if it was just a different folder.
If you decide to get a W7 machine, and incur her wrath,
you can do a similar trick. Get a USB remote drive enclosure
for the hard drive from the old machine, and plug it into a
USB port. It will appear just like a second drive inside
the machine, and you can copy from it as easily as if it
was just a different folder.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
 |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Trash Bag For the Car
I have been able to keep my car cleaned up, by hanging a
plastic grocery bag on the back of the front passenger
seat with a velcro cord holder. (This is a nylon web with
velcro on the ends. I was able to find 10/$1 at the Dollar
Store.) I put the holder around the metal head rest post
and attach the grocery bag. It is easy and safe to get to
while I am driving, and it is out of the way. MUCH better
than throwing trash on the floor!
By dcnfamily from Reno, NV
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
A tenant in an apartment house phoned the police that there
was a fight going on in the apartment right over him. So
when the policeman arrived at the upstairs apartment, he
heard furniture being thrown around and signs of a good
old family brawl. He rapped on the door with his night
stick and the door was opened by a very determined and
disheveled woman.
"Who's head of the family here?"
"You just wait a minute and I'll tell you. That's what we're
trying to settle inside.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Our parish priest was making his visits to several homes
in the neighborhood. He knocked on one door, and a little
4-year-old boy opened it. When he saw the priest, he
called to his dad,
"Hey, Dad! That guy that works for God is here!"
Today, Aug 11, in
1860 The first successful silver mill in America began
operations. The mill was in Virginia City, NV.
1874 A patent for the sprinkler head was given to Harry
S. Parmelee.
1877 The two moons of Mars were discovered by Asaph Hall,
an American astronomer. He named them Phobos and Deimos.
1896 Harvey Hubbell received a patent for the electric
light bulb socket with a pull-chain switch.
1909 The American ship Arapahoe became the first to ever
use the SOS distress signal off the coast of
Cape Hatteras, NC.
1934 Alcatraz, in San Francisco Bay, received federal
prisoners for the first time.
1942 During World War II, Pierre Laval publicly announced
"the hour of liberation for France is the hour when Germany
wins the war."
1945 The Allies informed Japan that they would determine
Emperor Hirohito's future status after Japan's surrender.
1954 Seven years of fighting came to an end in Indochina.
A formal peace was in place for the French and the
Communist Vietminh.
1962 Andrian Nikolayev, of the Soviet Union, was launched
on a 94-hour flight, the third Russian to go into space.
1965 The U.S. conducted a second launch of "Surveyor-SD 2"
for a landing on the Moon surface test.
1984 U.S. President Ronald Reagan was preparing for his
weekly radio broadcast when, during testing of the
microphone, the President said, "My fellow Americans,
I am pleased to tell you that I just signed legislation
that would outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in
five minutes."
1990 Egyptian and Moroccan troops joined U.S. forces in
Saudia Arabia to help protect against a possible Iraqi
attack.
1992 In Bloomington, MN, the Mall of America opened.
It was the largest shopping mall in the United States.
1994 A U.S. federal jury awarded $286.8 million to about
10,000 commercial fishermen for losses as a result of
the 1989 Exxon Valdez oil spill.
1995 All U.S. nuclear tests were banned by President Clinton.
1997 U.S. President Clinton made the first use of the
line-item veto approved by Congress, rejecting three
items in spending and tax bills.
1998 British Petroleum became No. 3 among oil companies
with the $49 billion purchase of Amoco. It was the
largest foreign takeover of a U.S. company.
2002 US Airways announced that it had filed for bankruptcy.
2003 Charles Taylor, President of Liberia, flew into exile
after ceding power to his vice president, Moses Blah.
2003 In Kabul, NATO took command of the 5,000-strong
peacekeeping force in Afghanistan.
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( 3 / 681 )
Way around W7's lack of backward compatibility
Saturday, August 10, 2013, 10:58 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, August 10.
National Security Agency director General Keith Alexander
says his agency is working to prevent future leaks by
replacing the majority of its system administrators,
—the position Edward Snowden held—, with machines.
The system administrators are not impressed.
The hacker world, though, is rejoycing. They will get
updates a lot quicker.
By the way, on Tuesday I have to go to Calgary for the August
injections into my eyeballs. That means no newsletters will
be sent out Wdnesday, Tursday and Friday. And no emails will
be answered on those days.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.
--- Aldous Huxley
A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to
shake the preacher's hand. He said, "Preacher, I'll tell you,
that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!"
The preacher said, "Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't
use that kind of language in the Lord's House.
The man said, "I was so damned impressed with that
sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!"
The preacher said, "No shit?!"
Judi was almost crazy with her three kids. She complained
to her best friend, "They're driving me nuts. Such pests,
they give me no rest and I'm half-way to the nut hatch."
"What you need is a playpen to separate the kids from
yourself," her friend said.
So Judi bought a playpen. A few days later, her friend
called to ask how things were going.
"Superb! I can't believe it," Judi said. "I get in that
pen with my laptop and the kids don't bother me one bit!"
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture:
Click on the picture for the large version
Falcon Nest (Ford Falcon)
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Ashton Powers, 24, Tempe, Arizona
Jailed for Slashing Police Car Tire
While Officer Was Sitting In Car
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Ashton Powers, a 24-year-old Arizona bonehead, was jailed
last Tuesday after he slashed the tire of a police cruiser
while an officer was still sitting inside the vehicle.
According to Tempe Police, an officer was pulled over at
the corner of 7th street and Mill Ave finishing up a police
report when he suddenly felt a jolt to his patrol car.
The jolt, followed by a strange sound, prompted the officer
to step outside the vehicle to see what the problem was.
The officer saw that his rear passenger tire had been slashed
and noticed a man walking away from the scene with a knife
in his hand. The officer caught up to the man, identified
as Ashton Powers, and questioned him about his behavior.
That's when Powers admitted to slashing the tire, explaining
that he didn't see anyone inside the vehicle.
Investigators aren't sure why Powers attacked the vehicle,
since it was a fully marked police car with the engine
running and an officer sitting inside it.
Powers was booked into jail and charged with criminal
damage to property. More charges may follow.
Tech Support Pits
From: Frank
Re: PDF files attached won't open in W7
Dear Webby
When somebody sends me an email with a PDF attachment, it
won't open in Blonde Windoze. I even installed Nitro, like
you once recommended. It can't find it. I use Eudora.
What is going on?
Frank
Dear Frank
Some moronic Asshole at Microsoft decided to put a hole into
"ProgramFiles" and call it "Program Files", for the sole
purpose of being a moronic Asshole,
and to make Blonde Windows NOT backward compatible.
Luckily the geniuses, who created Euroda 25 years ago,
foresaw that and provided a safe detour.
Create a new attachment directory, for example C:\!att
(The exclamation mark will ensure, that it shows at the top
in an alphabetical search.)
Then in Eudora, click on Tools, Options, and scoot down to
Attachments. Click on the button for Attachment Directory.
Change that from the sick Shit-fer-brains location with
a space in the directory name to C:\!att.
You could actually let Eudora make you a directory, but
in case some other programs won't help you there, I'll show
you the safe route.
After that, Eudora will put all newly arriving attachments
into C:\!att, and Nitro or whatever you use to open
attachments, will be able to find and open them.
Now go to the moronic location, and drag all the old
attachments over to the new location.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
 |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Cleaning the Oven
To clean your oven, spray with oven cleaner at night
(I use Easy Off lemon scent). The next day, use a wet
sponge to wipe off the oven. Use gloves and a bucket of
water, as you'll have to keep washing the sponge. It
makes oven cleaning much easier.
By Thriftygirl from Boston, MA
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
A young woman wasn't feeling well, and asked one her
co-workers to recommend a physician. "I know a great
one in the city, but he is very expensive. Five hundred
dollars for the first visit, and one hundred dollars for
each one after that."
The woman went to the doctor's office and, trying to
save a little money, cheerily announced. "I'm back!"
Not fooled for a second, the doctor quickly examined
her and said,
"Very good, just continue the treatment I prescribed on
your last visit."
--------------
She sure would not even try that in Wyoming, with the
mandatory RFID dog-chip implanted in her butt!
As soon as she steps up to the receptionist's counter,
her ID and entire medical history will show on the
receptionist's computer. Payment history and criminal
record too. And of course her driving record and
credit rating!
Actually, the chip does not have all that info. It just
carries the ACCESS KEY to all that. The data can be
updated even while the chip carrier is hiding in Africa.
Naturally airport security and police use the same
dog-chip scanners. That was actually Obama's main argument
in favor of chipping all the sheeple.
I have a hunch Montana will threaten to secede and join
Canada, rather than have all Montanans wear dog chips.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
I don't think I'll ever have a mother's intuition.
My sister left me alone in a restaurant with my 10-month
old nephew. I said, "What do I do if he cries?"
She said "Give him some vegetables."
It turns out that jalapeno is not his favorite.
Today, Aug 10, in
1792 King Louis XVI was taken into custody by mobs during
the French Revolution. He was executed the following
January after being put on trial for treason.
1809 Ecuador began its fight for independence from Spain.
1846 The Smithsonian Institution was chartered by the U.S.
Congress. The "Nation's Attic" was made possible by
$500,000 given by scientist Joseph Smithson.
1859 In Boston, MA, the first milk inspectors were appointed.
1869 The motion picture projector was patented by O.B. Brown.
1881 Thomas Edison's exhibit opened the Paris Electrical
Exhibition.
1885 The first electric streetcar, to be used commercially,
was operated in Baltimore, MD, by Leo Daft.
1914 Austria-Hungary invaded Russia.
1921 Franklin D. Roosevelt was stricken with polio.
1927 Mount Rushmore was formally dedicated. The individual
faces of the presidents were dedicated later.
1944 U.S. forces defeated the remaining Japanese resistance
on Guam.
1945 The day after the atomic bombing of Nagasaki,
Japan announced they would surrender. The only condition
was that the status of Emperor Hirohito would remain unchanged.
1947 William Odom completed an around-the-world flight. He
set the solo record by completing the flight in 73 hours
and 5 minutes.
1954 Construction began on the St. Lawrence Seaway.
1988 U.S. President Reagan signed a measure that provided
$20,000 payments to Japanese-Americans who were interned
by the U.S. government during World War II.
1994 U.S. President Clinton claimed presidential immunity
when he asked a federal judge to dismiss, at least for the
time being, a sexual harassment lawsuit filed by Paula
Corbin Jones.
1995 Norma McCorvey, "Jane Roe" of the 1973 U.S. Supreme
Court decision legalizing abortion, announced that she
had joined the anti-abortion group Operation Rescue.
1999 Near an India-Pakistan border area an Indian fighter
jet shot down a Pakistani naval aircraft. Sixteen people
were killed.
2003 Ekaterina Dmitriev and Russian cosmonaut Yuri Malenchenko
were married. Malenchenko was about 240 miles above the earth
in the international space station. It was the first-ever
marriage from space.
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( 2.9 / 525 )
Friday, August 9, 2013, 09:00 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, August 9.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
The muffler on my car was sounding more sporty by the day,
so I had to bust both piggy banks and get a new one.
On the way back there was a sudden rain squall and really
wicked gusts of wind. When the car ahead of me was blown
into the greenery on the right and cam shooting back across
my lane and into oncoming lane of traffic. From there he
was blown back and into the greenery to the right again.
I stomped on the brakes to avoid hitting him, if he made
it back into my lane. However, he stayed in the greenery,
presumaby to change his underwear.
I got bounced around for about a quarter mile, but since
all trafic had stopped, that was no problem. Driving felt
more like being on a sailboat in a hurricane than in a
car on the highway. After about quarter mile it settled
down to just stormy gusts and the downpour stopped.
Then the whole thing started all over again, this time
the gusts slugging from the passenger side.
I made it through that sillyness in about a quarter mile.
It might have been the beginnings of a tornado. They had
forecast tornadoes in the area.
Changing the muffler should be no big deal, I figured.
Yeah, right.
I had left my deep sockets and the Air Impact Driver in the
Yukon, when I moved South. Didn't think I would need them.
Well, there is no other way to remove the rusted nuts on
the muffler clamps. So I phoned around for the lowest price
and earliest possible spot at any auto mechanic in the
area.
After trying for a minute with the big air impact driver,
they wound up grinding off the muffler clamp. No wonder I
could not undo the nuts by hand. The rest was easy, but
time consuming, because the mechanic had to frequently
stop and work on other vehicles. They probably do that only
when the car owner is watching. That way they did manage to
drag it out to about an hour. That put me $130 deeper into
debt, but the sporty sound was gone and no longer
attracting the attention of the cops.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
"Money in the bank is like toothpaste in the tube.
Easy to take out, hard to put back."
--- Earl Wilson
"THE BUDGET SHOULD BE BALANCED,
THE TREASURY SHOULD BE REFILLED,
PUBLIC DEBT SHOULD BE REDUCED,
THE ARROGANCE OF OFFICIALDOM SHOULD BE
TEMPERED AND CONTROLLED, AND THE
ASSISTANCE TO FOREIGN LANDS SHOULD BE CURTAILED
LEST ROME BECOME BANKRUPT.
PEOPLE MUST AGAIN LEARN TO WORK,
INSTEAD OF LIVING ON PUBLIC ASSISTANCE".
--- CICERO, 55 BC
"A lot of friction is caused by half the drivers trying
to go fast enough to thrill their girlfriends and the
other half trying to go slow enough to placate their wives"
A friend, driving home from a fishing trip in northern
Michigan with his boat in tow, had engine trouble a few miles
inland from Lake Huron. He didn't have a CB radio in his car,
so he decided to use his marine radio to get help. Climbing
into his boat, he broadcast his call letters and asked for
assistance.
A Coast Guard officer responded, "Please give your location."
"I'm on Interstate-75, two miles south of Standish."
The officer paused, "Could you repeat that?"
"I-75, two miles south of Standish."
A longer pause. Then an incredulous voice asked,
"How fast were you going when you hit shore?"
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Kristal Sharmayne Conley, 22, Waco, Texas
Jailed After assaulting Washing Machine
and Police Officers
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Kristal Sharmayne Conley, a 22-year-old Texas woman, was
jailed Friday after she allegedly brawled with a washing
machine, then attacked officers who came to arrest her
for it.
According to police, Conley was washing clothes at a Waco
area laundromat Friday evening when she became angry and
punched the glass out of one of the washing machines there.
Officers were called to the scene as Conley attacked a
second washing machine at the facility.
When officers arrived to rescue the machine, Conley reportedly
spat on one officer and attempted to strike a second officer.
She was booked into the McLennan County Jail and charged
with criminal mischief, assault on a peace office and
attempted assault on a peace officer. She remains held
in lieu of $21,000 bond.
Tech Support Pits
From: Julia
Re: Better download for CrapCleaner
Dear Webby
When CrapCleaner, which I love!, wants to update, I wind up
at weird download sites where they try to trap me on all
kinds of detours. Why can't they have a quick and easy
download without a lot of greedy fuss?
Julia
Dear Julia
CrapCleaner is free. The programmers have donated their
time and money to provide it to you for free. However, since
they don't charge for it, they don't have the money to pay
for the file transfer for Millions of downloads. So they
allow download sites like FileHippo provide download
locations. FileHippo makes money on that with all their
advertising that they put in your path when you try to get
your download.
Actually, anybody, including you, can provide download
locations for CrapCleaner. However, unless you have big,
powerful servers and are willing to pay for the file transfer
cost, don't try it.
Since you are a subscriber, you can get it from my toolbox
at http://webby.com/tools.
As long as you keep that fairly quiet, I won't have to
restrict access to the toolbox.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
 |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Tiny Changes To Save Electricity
The recent essays on saving money on fuel bills in small
ways got me thinking. I was getting annoyed with myself
because I was wasting so much power boiling and reboiling
my electric kettle. I kept forgetting to only heat as much
water as I needed and left the coffee maker heating ring on
all day. Realizing that there must be an answer to all
this waste, I made these changes to my daily routines to
save some electricity and some of my precious cash!
I found a 5 pint pump action vacuum flask on sale for $2,
a fantastic bargain, but they can be picked up for around
$10. I boil the electric kettle twice in the morning, fill
the flask and have hot water for tea on tap all day. If
there is anything left come the evening, I use it for
cooking or dish washing.
The answer to the coffee problem was far more simple, I make
the coffee, turn off the machine, then microwave it a cup
at a time as I need it. It tastes better and saves me money
too. Such tiny changes in our ways of doing things may seem
insignificant on a daily basis, but they can add up to make
a difference at the end of the month when we open the bills.
By Ayesha from Kranj
You can pre-heat the water with the sun. Pick up a 5 gallon
club size coffee percolator at a garage sale or even new.
They are cheap.
Paint one side flat black with BBQ spray paint. Cover the
back side and bottom with thin packaging foam. Then place it
on a Southern or Western window or balcony.
Fill it with cold water, so as not to run up your electrical
bill (Hot water tank is the worst consumer!), and let the
sun heat it up. It won't be hot enough for coffee, unless
you are in a Southern state, but then you'd be drinking ice
tea or sun tea anyway. However, it will be fairly hot and
your kettle or microwave has to just top it off for a bit.
The bulk of the heating has already been taken care of.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Jill walked up to an airport ticket counter and asked to buy a
round trip ticket.
"Where to?" Asked the smiling ticket agent.
Jill rolled her eyes and said, "Duuuuuh, back here!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
After receiving his medication from the pharmacist,
the customer asked,
"Are these time release pills?"
The pharmacist replied, "Yes. They begin to work
just as soon as your check clears!"
Today, Aug 9, in
1678 American Indians sold the Bronx to Jonas Bronck for 400 beads.
1790 The Columbia returned to Boston Harbor after a three-year voyage.
It was the first ship to carry the American flag around the world.
1831 The first US steam locomotive began its first trip between
Schenectady and Albany, NY.
1854 "Walden" was published by Henry David Thoreau.
1859 The escalator was patented by Nathan Ames.
1892 Thomas Edison received a patent for a two-way telegraph.
1910 A.J. Fisher received a patent for the electric washing machine.
1930 Betty Boop had her beginning in "Dizzy Dishes" created
by Max Fleischer.
1936 Jesse Owens won his fourth gold medal at the Berlin Olympics.
He was the first American to win four medals in one Olympics.
1944 The Forest Service and Wartime Advertising Council
created "Smokey the Bear."
1945 The U.S. dropped an atomic bomb on Nagasaki. The bombing
came three days after the bombing of Hiroshima. About 74,000
people were killed. Japan surrendered August 14.
1945 The first network television broadcast occurred in
Washington, DC. The program announced the bombing of Nagasaki
1965 Singapore proclaimed its independence from the
Malaysian Federation.
1974 U.S. PresidentRichard Nixon formally resigned.
Gerald R. Ford took his place
1975 The New Orleans Superdome was officially opened when the
Saints played the Houston Oilers in exhibition football. The
new Superdome cost $163 million to build.
1988 Wayne Gretzky (Edmonton Oilers) was traded. The trade
was at Gretzky's request. He was sent to the Los Angeles Kings.
1996 Boris Yeltsin was sworn in as president of Russia for the
second time.
1999 Russian President Boris Yeltsin fired Prime Minister
Sergei Stepashin and his entire cabinet for the fourth time
in 17 months.
2001 U.S. President George W. Bush announced he would support
federal funding for limited medical research on embryonic
stem cells.
2004 Trump Hotel and Casion Resorts announced plans to file
for Chapter 11 bankruptcy.
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( 3 / 978 )
Better download for CrapCleaner
Thursday, August 8, 2013, 10:36 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, August 8.
Guards were preparing to serve the first in a series of
special meals Wednesday to prisoners at Guantánamo Bay to
mark the end of the Muslim holy period of Ramadan, which
this year brought a lull in a long-running on/off hunger
strike.
The military planned to serve lamb, bread, dates and honey
as the last daylight fasting period of Ramadan ends,
followed by three traditional holiday dinners on Thursday.
Guards were preparing to serve the first in a series of
special meals Wednesday to prisoners at Guantánamo Bay to
mark the end of the Muslim holy period of Ramadan, which
this year brought a lull in a long-running hunger strike.
The military planned to serve lamb, bread, dates and honey
as the last daylight fasting period of Ramadan ends,
followed by three traditional holiday dinners on Thursday.
Nothing but the very best for Obama's buddies.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
It is of interest to note that while some dolphins are
reported to have learned English -- up to fifty words
used in correct context -- no human being has been
reported to have learned dolphinese.
--- Carl Sagan (1934 - 1996)
A customer moves away from a bank window, counts his
change, and then goes back and says to the cashier,
"Hey, you gave me the wrong change!"
Cashier: "Sir, you stepped away from the counter. We don't
make corrections after you leave. There's nothing I can do
about it now. That's the policy of this bank !"
Customer: "Well, okay. Just thought you'd like to know you
gave me hundred dollars too much. Bye. "
Leola Starling of Ribrock, Tenn., had a serious telephone
problem. But unlike most people she did something about it.
The brand-new $10 million Ribrock Plaza Motel opened nearby
and had acquired almost the same telephone number as Leola.
From the moment the motel opened, Leola was besieged by
calls not for her. Since she had the same phone number for
years, she felt that she had a case to persuade the motel
management to change its number.
Naturally, the management refused, claiming that it could not
change its stationery.
The phone company was not helpful, either. A number was a
number, and just because a customer was getting someone else's
calls 24 hours a day didn't make it responsible. After her pleas
fell on deaf ears, Leola decided to take matters into her own
hands.
At 9 o'clock the phone rang. Someone from Memphis was calling
the motel and asked for a room for the following Tuesday. Leoloa
said, "No problem. How many nights?"
A few hours later Dallas checked in. A secretary wanted a suite
with two bedrooms for a week. Emboldened, Leola said the
Presidential Suite on the 10th floor was available for $600 a
night. The secretary said that she would take it and asked if
the hotel wanted a deposit. "No, that won't be necessary," Leola
said. "We trust you."
The next day was a busy one for Leola. In the morning, she
booked an electric appliance manufacturers' convention for
Memorial Day weekend, a college prom and a reunion of the 82nd
Airborne veterans from World War II.
She turned on her answering machine during lunchtime so that she
could watch the Oprah, but her biggest challenge
came in the afternoon when a mother called to book the ballroom
for her daughter's wedding in June.
Leola assured the woman that it would be no problem and asked if
she would be providing the flowers or did she want the hotel to
take care of it. The mother said that she would prefer the hotel
to handle the floral arrangements. Then the question of valet
parking came up. Once again Leola was helpful. "There's no charge
for valet parking, but we always recommend that the client tips
the drivers."
Within a few months, the Ribrock Plaza Motel was a disaster area.
People kept showing up for weddings, bar mitzvahs, and Sweet
Sixteen parties and were all told there were no such events.
Leola had her final revenge when she read in the local paper
that the motel might go bankrupt. Her phone rang, and an
executive from Marriott said, "We're prepared to offer you
$1.2 Million for the motel."
Thanks to Cookie for sending this picture:
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Rhonney Jacobs, 43, Norfolk, Virginia
Road-raging bonehead jailed for
shooting himself in the groin
Residents of a neighborhood in Virginia say that an angry
driver mistakenly shot himself in the groin after they
flagged him down for speeding around children.
Neighbors in a Norfolk community told WTKR that they never
thought that asking 43-year-old Rhonney Jacobs to slow
down would escalate into a shooting.
“My friends were standing right there in the yard and the
guy came flying by and they were like ‘slow down, there’s
kids’ and the guy did a U-turn and pulled over,” Ashley
Summerson recalled.
Witnesses said that Jacobs got out of his car and started
waiving around a gun, and pushing and shoving, and then
it went off.
“Jacobs pulled his gun out trying to shoot one of them but
he shot himself,” Summerson explained.
“He was holding his groin and there was blood everywhere,”
witness Zach Watson added.
WTKR reported that the children were only feet away from
where the gun went off.
“I’m just happy none of the kids got hurt,” Watson said.
“I’d rather get shot than one of these kids.”
Jacobs was charged with discharging a firearm and brandishing a firearm,
Tech Support Pits
From: Julia
Re: Better download for CrapCleaner
Dear Webby
When CrapCleaner, which I love!, wants to update, I wind up
at weird download sites where they try to trap me on all
kinds of detours. Why can't they have a quick and easy
download without a lot of greedy fuss?
Julia
Dear Julia
CrapCleaner is free. The programmers have donated their
time and money to provide it to you for free. However, since
they don't charge for it, they don't have the money to pay
for the file transfer for Millions of downloads. So they
allow download sites like FileHippo provide download
locations. FileHippo makes money on that with all their
advertising that they put in your path when you try to get
your download.
Actually, anybody, including you, can provide download
locations for CrapCleaner. However, unless you have big,
powerful servers and are willing to pay for the file transfer
cost, don't try it.
Since you are a subscriber, you can get it from my toolbox
at http://webby.com/tools.
As long as you keep that fairly quiet, I won't have to
restrict access to the toolbox.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
 |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Cleaning a Small Bottle
I had an old glass Bo Peep Ammonia bottle. I was thrilled
with it, because I love anything vintage. However, it had
a very small mouth. The idea to clean it, was to use a
small piece of a shim, cut lengthwise (make sure you cut
a piece as small as the mouth of the bottle).
You could use a wire if you have one, but it needs to be
strong, not a bendable one. Then I put a baby bottle nipple
brush on the end, and taped it on the "stick." It worked
like a charm!
Of course, you need to make a cleaning solution to dip the
brush in to clean. You might actually have a piece of a
shim stick in your house, so look before you go buy! :)
By Kathy54 from Cincinnati, OH
Here is the traditional method:
Wrap the bottle with masking tape to protect it from
breakage and to protect the label.
Use some paper creased into V shape to fill it about
1/4 full with dried coffee grounds.
Use a butter baster syringe to fill the bottle about
1/2 to 2/3 full with hot dish water.
Put your thumb onto the opening and shake it vigorously
for a minute. Let it stand a few minutes, shake it again.
Drain it and fill it with clean rinse water and let it
drain.
That method of course works with larger bottles too and
is my favorite method for cleaning out my big thermos.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Here is a delightful Classic:
Several men are in the locker room of a private club after
exercising. Suddenly a cell phone on one of the benches
rings. A man picks it up and the following conversation
ensues:
"Hello?"
"Honey, It's me."
"Sugar!"
"Are you at the club?"
"Yes."
"Great! I'm at the mall 2 blocks from where you are. I saw
a beautifulmink coat. It is absolutely gorgeous! Can I buy
it?"
"What's the price?"
"Only $1,500."
"Well, okay, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much."
"Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and
saw the 2007 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with
the salesman and he gave me a really good price ...
and since we need to exchange the BMW that we
bought last year..."
"What price did he quote you?"
"Only $60,000!"
"Okay, but for that price I want it with all the options."
"Great! Before we hang up, something else..."
"What?"
"It might seem like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank
account and...well, I stopped by to see the real estate
agent this morning and I saw the house we had looked at
last year. It's on sale! Remember? The one with a pool,
English garden, acre of park area, beachfront property..."
"How much are they asking now?"
"Only $450,000... a magnificent price, and I see that we
have enough in the bank to cover he down payment..."
"Well, then go ahead and buy it, if you can sign today,
but just bid $420,000, OK?"
"Okay, sweetie. Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!"
"Bye."
The man hangs up, closes the phone's flap and asks
aloud, "Does anyone know whose phone this is?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
A man traveling in southern Indiana was
headed for the Kentucky border ...when he
saw a large sign, , , ,
"LAST CHANCE FOR $3.65 GAS!!!"
He still had more than a quarter of a tank left,
but figured he'd better take advantage of this
opportunity to fill-up his tank.
As he was getting his change from the attendant,
he asked, "How much is gas in Kentucky?"
The attendant replied, " $3.10 ".
Today, Aug 8, in
1356 Edward "the Black Prince" began a raid north from
Aquitaine.
1588 The Spanish Armada was defeated by the English fleet
ending an invasion attempt.
1815 Napoleon Bonaparte set sail for St. Helena, in the
South Atlantic. The remainder of his life was spent there
in exile.
1844 After the killing of Joseph Smith, Bringham Young was
chosen to lead the Mormons.
1876 Thomas Edison received a patent for the mimeograph. The
mimeograph was a "method of preparing autographic stencils
for printing."
1899 The refrigerator was patented by A.T. Marshall.
1940 The German Luftwaffe began a series of daylight air
raids on Great Britain.
1945 During World War II, the Soviet Union declared war
on Japan.
1953 The U.S. and South Korea initiated mutual security pact
1956 Japan launched an oil tanker that was 780 feet long and
weighed 84,730 tons, largest oil tanker in the world.
1966 Michael DeBakey became the first surgeon to install
an artificial heart pump in a patient.
1974 U.S. President Nixon announced that he would resign
the following day.
1978 The U.S. launched Pioneer Venus II, which carried
scientific probes to study the atmosphere of Venus.
1988 It was announced that a cease-fire between Iraq and
Iran had begun.
1990 American forces began positioning in Saudia Arabia.
1991 John McCarthy, a British TV producer was released by
his Lebanese kidnappers. He had been held captive for more
than five years. A rival group abducted Jerome Leyraud
in retaliation and threatened to kill him if any more
hostages were released.
1991 The U.N. Security Council approved North and South
Korea for membership.
1994 The first road link between Israel and Jordan opened.
1994 Representatives from China and Taiwan signed a
cooperation agreement.
1995 Saddam Hussein's two eldest daughters, their husbands,
and several senior army officers defected.
2000 The submarine H.L. Hunley was raised from ocean bottom
after 136 years. The sub had been lost during an attack
on the U.S.S. Housatonic in 1864. The Hunley was the first
submarine in history to sink a warship.
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( 3 / 1078 )
Convert formulas to values in Excel
Wednesday, August 7, 2013, 09:16 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, August 7.
"Kirobo, a talking humanoid robot, has been launched into
space and is headed to the International Space Station. From
the article: 'Japan has launched the world's first talking
humanoid robot "astronaut" toward the International Space
Station. Kirobo — derived from the Japanese words for "hope"
and "robot" — was among five tons of supplies and machinery
on a rocket launched Sunday from Tanegashima in southwestern
Japan, the Japan Aerospace Exploration Agency, or JAXA, said.
The childlike robot was designed to be a companion for
astronaut Koichi Wakata and will communicate with another
robot on Earth, according to developers. Wakata is expected
to arrive at the space station in November.'"
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
The surprising thing about young fools is how many survive to become old fools.
--- Doug Larson
Every man is wise when attacked by a mad dog;
fewer when pursued by a mad woman;
only the wisest survive when attacked by a mad notion.
--- Robertson Davies
"Mr. Quinn, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the
divorce court judge said, "and I've decided to give your
wife $775 a week."
"That's very generous and fair of you, your honour," the
husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her
a few bucks myself."
Judy was speeding and an officer pulled her to the side
of the road. She didn't have her seat belt on so as soon
as she stopped, she quickly slipped it on before the
officer got to her window.
After talking to her about speeding, the officer said,
"I see you are wearing your seat belt. Do you believe in
wearing it at all times?"
"Yes, I do, officer," she replied.
"Well," asked the officer, "do you always do it up with it
looped through your steering wheel?"
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture:
Click on the picture for the large version
Sunset in Sweden
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Matthew Corp, 35, Tavernier, Floriduh
Jailed After Calling 911 To Stop
His Ex-Girlfriend From Moving Out
Of Their Apartment
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Matthew Corp, a 35-year-old Florida bonehead, was jailed
Saturday after he called 911 because his girlfriend decided
to break off her relationship with him and move out.
According to the Monroe County Sheriff's Office, Corp called
911 Saturday and told dispatchers that his "wife" had been
kidnapped by two men driving in a U-Haul truck.
Investigators say a notice was sent out to local law
enforcement agencies to be on the lookout for the U-Haul
while deputies were dispatched to Corp's home to gather
additional information.
When deputies arrived at Corp's apartment, they encountered
two women walking out the door. One of the women told
deputies that she was now Corp's "Ex-girlfriend" and in the
process of moving out of his apartment.
Corp, who was intoxicated, came out of the apartment and
began to yell at deputies, according to a MCSO press release.
Corp went on to say that he called in a false kidnapping
report to keep his girlfriend from moving out.
Corp was booked into the Monroe County Jail and charged with
misuse of 911 and resisting arrest.
Tech Support Pits
From: Rod
Re: Change formula to vaule in Excel
Dear Webby
How do you convert a formula to a value in Excel, so that
neither the formula nor the original value is visible?
In Quattro it is so easy, but I can't even find the
instructions for that in the Excel Help.
What's the big secret?
Rod
Dear Rod
In the 80's there was some very hot competition in
spreadsheets. After Lotus had copied the concept from Easycalc,
they sued everybody, who used similar user interfaces. A
bunch of law firms got very rich on that.
Quattro had to change the user interface slightly, and when
Excel came along, they had to be even more careful.
That resulted in some not so elegant solutions.
Convert To Values is one of those examples.
In Quattro you select the area, then
ALT E (Edit)
V (conVert to Values)
In Excel, select the Area, then
Edit, Copy
Edit, Paste Special
select Values
OK
The end result is exactly the same, even though it does not
seem to be logical or intuitive, if you are used to Quattro.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
 |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Easy Ice pack
For boo-boos, swelling or high fevers, slip a freezer-sized
zipper bag into a tube sock THEN fill it with ice and zip.
Tie a knot in the top of the sock, and you have an easy-to
-manage ice pack that won't leak and easily conforms around
knees, elbows, and foreheads.
By Kelli
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
A noted psychiatrist was a guest at an artists gathering,
and his hostess naturally broached the subject in which the
doctor was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me, Doctor,"
she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody
who appears completely normal?"
"Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask a simple question
which anyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates,
that puts you on the track."
"What sort of question?"
"Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips
around the world and died during one of them. Which one?'
The hostess thought a moment, then said with a nervous
laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would
you? I must confess I don't know much about history."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
The Dean of admissions at Bates College in Maine reads through
reams of applications from nervous high school seniors, some
maybe a little more nervous than others. Here are a few:
"If there is a single word to describe me, that word would
be 'profectionist'."
"I was abducted into the National Honor Society."
"I function well as an individual and a group."
"Mathematics has hung like a stork around my neck."
Today, Aug 7, in
1789 The U.S. War Department was established by Congress.
1782 George Washington created the Order of the Purple Heart.
1888 Theophilus Van Kannel received a patent for the
revolving door.
1914 Germany invaded France.
1928 The U.S. Treasure Department issued a new bill that
was one third smaller than the previous U.S. bills.
1934 The U.S. Court of Appeals upheld a lower court ruling
striking down the government's attempt to ban the
controversial James Joyce novel "Ulysses."
1942 U.S. forces landed at Guadalcanal, marking the start
of the first major allied offensive in the Pacific during
World War II.
1947 The balsa wood raft Kon-Tiki, which had carried a
six-man crew 4,300 miles across the Pacific Ocean, crashed
into a reef in a Polynesian archipelago.
1959 The U.S. launched Explorer 6, which sent back a picture
of the Earth.
1960 The Cuban Catholic Church condemned the rise of
communism in Cuba. Fidel Castro then banned all religious
TV and radio broadcasts.
1974 French stuntman Philippe Petit walked a tightrope strung
between the twin towers of New York's World Trade Center.
1976 Scientists in Pasadena, CA, announced that the Viking 1
spacecraft had found strong indications of possible life
on Mars.
1990 U.S. President George H.W. Bush ordered U.S. troops
and warplanes to Saudi Arabia to guard against a possible
invasion by Iraq.
2003 Stephen Geppi bought a 1963 G.I. Joe prototype for
$200,000.
2013 smiled
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( 3.1 / 512 )
Deleting individual cookies
Tuesday, August 6, 2013, 09:27 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, August 6.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
The problem with political jokes is they get elected.
--- Henry Cate VII
"Paris Hilton's private diaries have been stolen. Whoever
stole the diaries had access to her bedroom, so it could
have been anyone."
--- Conan O'Brien
Anyone can do any amount of work,
provided it isn't the work
he is supposed to be doing at the moment.
--- Robert Benchley
>From Carol
My family has a tradition of naming the cruise control on our
cars.
We were used to hearing my father proclaim, "Take it, Max,"
as he flipped on the cruise control during long trips in our
station wagon.
Recently, I was traveling with my parents in their new car
when we hit a wide-open expanse of highway.
My dad leaned back and said, "I think I'll let Tom drive for
a while."
"Tom who?" I asked.
My mother translated for me: "Tom Cruise, of course."
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the
background checks, interviews, and testing were done there
were three finalists, --two men and a woman.
For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to
a large metal door and handed him a gun.
"We must know that you will follow your instructions,
no matter what the circumstances. Inside of this room,
you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her."
The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot
my wife."
The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took
the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about
five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes.
"I tried, but I can't kill my wife."
The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your
wife and go home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same
instructions to kill her husband. She took the gun and
went into the room.
Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard
screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few
minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there
stood the woman.
She wiped the sweat from her brow, and calmly said,
"This gun is loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to
death with the chair."
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture:
Click on the picture for the large version
They heard!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Brita West, Huntsville Tennessee
Bride Becomes Inmate After Attempting
To Pass Drugs To Inmate Boyfriend By
Hiding Them Inside Her Dentures
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Brita West, a Huntsville Tennessee woman, was jailed Sunday
after she allegedly tried to pass drugs to her inmate
boyfriend by hiding them inside her dentures.
According to the Scott County Sheriff's Office, West was
preparing to get married to her inmate boyfriend at the
Huntsville Detention Center Sunday when her status changed
from "bride" to "inmate" within a matter of minutes.
Investigators say West was being searched in preparation
for the jailhouse wedding when a deputy noticed that her
dentures kept falling out of place.
Upon closer inspection, deputies saw a package inside her
mouth that she attempted to hide between her dentures and
gum.
The package was searched and was later determined to contain
methamphetamine and suboxone strips.
During a search of West's purse and car, deputies uncovered
more meth, several syringes, and a crushed pill.
West was booked into the same jail and charged with
possession of meth, possession of schedule 3 narcotics
and introducing drugs into a detention facility. She
remains held in lieu of $25,000 bond.
Tech Support Pits
From: Marcy
Re: Deleting individual cookies
Dear Webby;
Thank you for the information. Now for the stupid question
~How do I clear just that cookie? I have used a computer
for about 7 years, but I really don't have much knowledge
of how to do things unless someone tells me. I If you have
the time, could you please tell me how to remove just one
or two cookies?
Thank you~
Marcy
Dear Marcy
The easiest way to sort out and clean your cookies is with
CrapCleaner.
In case you are one of the very few subscribers who have
not gotten CrapCleaner yet, go to my toolbox at
http://webby.com/tools
and grab it. It's free!
In CrapCleaner go to OPTIONS, COOKIES
and drag the keepers (bank, Amazon, Barns&Noble, etc)
to the right, and the ones you don't need to the left.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
 |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Removing the Squeak from a
Squeaky Toy
Meal Planning Saves Money
It's a chore that I hate, but admittedly, Meal Planning
saves me the most grocery money. I use recipe sites to
decide dinner for the next week or two, saving the recipes
to my Bookmarks. I make enough of one meal to have leftovers
for another day at least, saving me electricity and labor
to boot. Having staples on hand for breakfast and is easy
enough. Cereal, waffles, eggs and frozen sausage make up
quickly during the work week for breakfast. And leftovers
are effortless lunches which can be packed the night prior.
Then I just include some sandwich fixings and my list is
complete.
Since I've done this for a year now, I know most of my list
prior because of staples. Then it's just a matter of
sorting through my saved recipes for the rest.
By Lakesta C.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
After living in the remote wilderness of Kentucky all his life,
an old hillbilly decided it was time to visit the big city.
In one of the stores he picks up a mirror and looks in it.
Not ever having seen one before, he remarked at the image
staring back at him,
"How about that! Here's a picture of my daddy."
He bought the 'picture', but on the way home he remembered
his wife, didn't like his father. So he hung it in the barn,
and every morning before leaving for the fields, he would
go there and look at it.
His wife began to get suspicious of these many trips to the
barn. One day after her husband left, she searched the barn
and found the mirror.
As she looked into the glass, she fumed, "So that's
the ugly hussy he's runnin' around with!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an older lady
and an older gentleman peering in the shop window at the
posters showing the glamorous destinations around the
world. The agent had had a good week and the dejected
couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of
generosity.
He called them into his shop and said, "I know that on your
pension you could never hope to have a holiday, so I am
sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I
won't take no for an answer."
He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two
flight tickets and book a room in a five star hotel. They, as
can be expected, gladly accepted, and were on their way.
About a month later the little lady came in to his shop.
"And how did you like your holiday?" he asked eagerly.
"The flight was exciting and the room was lovely," she said.
"I've come to thank you. But, one thing puzzled me. Who
was that old guy I had to share the room with?"
Today, Aug 6, in
1787 The Constitutional Convention in Philadelphia began.
The articles of the U.S. Constitution draft were to be
debated.
1806 The Holy Roman Empire went out of existence as Emperor
Francis II abdicated.
1825 Bolivia declared independence from Peru.
1914 Austria-Hungary declared war against Russia. Serbia
declared war against Germany.
1926 Warner Brothers premiered its Vitaphone system in
New York. The movie was "Don Juan," starring John Barrymore.
1945 The American B-29 bomber, known as the Enola Gay,
dropped the first atomic bomb on an inhabited area. The
bomb named "Little Boy" was dropped over the center of
Hiroshima, Japan. An estimated 140,000 people were killed.
1960 Nationalization of U.S. and foreign-owned property
in Cuba began.
1962 Jamaica became an independent dominion within the
British Commonwealth.
1981 Fire fighters in Indianapolis, IN, answered a false
alarm. When they returned to their station it was ablaze
due to a grease fire.
1986 William J. Schroeder died. He lived 620 days with the
Jarvik-7 manmade heart. He was the world's longest surviving
recipient of a permanent artificial heart.
1990 The U.N. Security Council ordered a worldwide trade
embargo with Iraq. The embargo was to punish Iraq for
invading Kuwait.
1995 Thousands of glowing lanterns were set afloat in rivers
in Hiroshima, Japan, on the 50th anniversary of the first
atomic bombing.
1996 NASA announced the discovery of evidence of primitive
life on Mars. The evidence came in the form of a meteorite
that was found in Antarctica. The meteorite was believed
to have come from Mars and contained a fossil.
1997 Apple Computer and Microsoft agreed to share technology
in a deal giving Microsoft a stake in Apple's survival.
1998 Former White House intern Monica Lewinsky spent 8 1/2
hours testifying before a grand jury about her relationship
with U.S. President Clinton.
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( 3 / 442 )
Copying from the net to a doc
Monday, August 5, 2013, 08:33 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, August 5.
From Dr Bill
I have ripe white figs here on the Gulf of Mexico
Bill
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Every journalist has a novel in him,
which is an excellent place for it.
--- Russel Lynes
A man goes to the doctor and tells him that
he hasn't been feeling well. The doctor
examines him, leaves the room and comes
back with three different bottles of pills.
The doctor says, "Take the green pill with a
big glass of water when you get up. Take the
blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch.
Then just before going to bed, take the red pill
with another big glass of water."
Startled to be put on so much medicine the
man stammers, "My goodness, doc, exactly
what's my problem?"
Doctor says, "You're not drinking enough water."
It's forty below zero one August night in Southern Australia.
Pat is drinking at his local saloon and the bartender
says to him, "You owe me quite a bit on your tab."
"Sorry," says Pat, "I'm flat broke this week."
"That's okay," says the bartender. "I'll just write your
name and the amount you owe me right here on the wall."
And Pat pleads, "I don't want any of my friends to see that."
"They won't," says the bartender. "I'll just
hang your parka over it until it's paid."
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture:
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Shana Suggs, McAlester, OK
Jailed After Setting 5-Year-Old Girl
On Fire During Lice Treatment
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Shana Suggs, a 25-year-old Oklahoma woman, has been jailed
after she allegedly poured gasoline on her daughter's head
to treat a head lice problem - and ended up setting the
little girl on fire instead.
According to police, Suggs was attempting to treat her
5-year-old daughter's head lice problem when she brought
the little girl into a bathroom and began pouring gasoline
over her head.
Investigators say a nearby water heater ignited on the
gasoline fumes, which set both Suggs and the little girl
on fire.
Sugg's boyfriend reportedly heard screams coming from the
bathroom and used a jacket to smother out the flames -
but not before the little girl was severely burned.
Prosecutors say the child suffered second and third-degree
burns to more than 60 percent of her body. Although the
incident occurred in January, the girl continues to receive
burn treatments at a Tulsa burn center and a Texas Shriner
Hospital.
After a long investigation, Suggs was booked into the
Pittsburg County Jail and charged with child abuse by injury.
Her case is expected to go to trial in January.
She remains held in lieu of $25,000 bond.
-------
Shana Suggs has a Facebook page, and could have easily
looked up safe and effective lice remedies.
Tech Support Pits
From: Shirley
Re: Copying from the net to a doc
Dear Webby,
My husband had a program on our computer that would let me
copy and paste to it and then copy and paste to a word doc
and then I could make any changes I wanted to and when my
puter broke and went to the shop it came back without it
and I don't remember the name and my husband has passed
so I can't ask him. HELP
I used it mainly to copy recipes and re-arrange and
delete garbage from them.
Shirley
Dear Shirley
Open a WORD doc and
what you want to copy from
side by side.
Simply smear (select) what you want with your mouse
hit CTRL C to copy
ALT TAB back to the WORD doc
CTRL V to paste
ALT TAB back to the page, where you are copying from
Smear (select ) the next batch
hit CTRL C to copy
ALT TAB back to the WORD doc
CTRL V to paste
ALT TAB back to the page, where you are copying from
Smear (select ) the next batch
and so on.
Pictures you usually have to copy separately by
right-clicking them, and selecting
Copy Image
Then you can paste it with CTRL V into a graphics
program for resizing, and from there you can copy
it for pasting into your WORD doc.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
 |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Removing the Squeak from a
Squeaky Toy
A potato peeler is an excellent tool for removing
the squeaker from a child's (or pet's) irritating toy!
By emmamartineau
Keep the loudest one by the phone for annoying telemarketers!
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
A farmer was driving along the road with a load of fertilizer.
A little boy, playing in front of his house, saw him and called,
"What've you got in your wagon?"
"Manure," the farmer replied.
"What are you going to do with it?" asked the little boy.
"Put it on strawberries," answered the farmer.
"You ought to live here," the little boy advised him.
"We put sugar on ours."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
While working in the psychology department at Glen Oaks
Community College in Centreville, MI, I was asked to enlarge
a chart for a meeting. I called the copy room and asked,
"Can I get something blown up down there?"
After a pause the voice on the line replied,
"I think you want the chemistry lab."
Today, Aug 5, in
1833 The village of Chicago was incorporated. The population
was approximately 250.
1861 The U.S. federal government levied its first income tax.
The tax was 3% of all incomes over $800. The wartime measure
was rescinded in 1872.
1884 On Bedloe's Island in New York Harbor, the cornerstone
for the Statue of Liberty was laid.
1914 Electric traffic lights were installed in Cleveland,
Ohio.
1944 Polish insurgents liberated a German labor camp in Warsaw.
348 Jewish prisoners were freed.
1953 During the Korean conflict prisoners were exchanged at
Panmunjom. The exchange was labeled Operation Big Switch.
1964 U.S. aircraft bombed North Vietnam after North Vietnamese
boats attacked U.S. destroyers in the Gulf of Tonkin.
1969 The Mariner 7, a U.S. space probe, passed by Mars.
Photographs and scientific data were sent back to Earth.
1981 The U.S. federal government started firing striking
air traffic controllers.
1986 It was revealed that artist Andrew Wyeth had secretly
created 240 drawings and paintings of his neighbor. The
works of Helga Testorf had been created over a 15-year period.
1989 In Honduras, five Central American presidents began
meeting to discuss the timetable for the dismantling of
the Nicaraguan Contra bases.
1990 U.S. President George H.W. Bush angrily denounced the
Iraqi invasion of Kuwait.
1991 Iraq admitted to misleading U.N. inspectors about
secret biological weapons.
1998 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein began not cooperating
with U.N. weapons inspectors.
1998 Marie Noe of Philadelphia, PA was arrested and charged
with first-degree murder, accused of smothering eight of
her children to death between 1949 and 1968. Noe later
received 20 years' probation.
2002 The U.S. closed its consulate in Karachi, Pakistan.
The consulate was closed after local authorities removed
large concrete blocks and reopened the road in front of
the building to normal traffic.
2011 NASA announced that its Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter
had captured photographic evidence of possible liquid
water on Mars during warm seasons.
2011 Juno was launched from Cape Canaveral Air Force
Station on a mission to Jupiter. It was the first
solar-powered spacecraft to go to Jupiter.
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( 3.1 / 700 )
Sunday, August 4, 2013, 10:37 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, August 4.
Thanks to all who wrote to tell me, that Tupperware is still
around.
Tupperware is overpriced,
but considering the food and the 5:1 female:male ratio at
traditional Tupperware parties, quite justified. If I got
an invitation to a Tupperware party, I would free up some
time for it, and I would break a piggy bank and cash the
coins to have plenty of money to buy stuff.
However, I won't buy it on the net and take money out of
the mouths of some good Tupperware seller's kids.
I buy other stuff on the net, but with Tupperware prices
I insist on the traditional party.
The raspberries are sure tasting great and it is difficult
to put three into the basket for every one I eat on the spot.
With the Saskatoons that is a lot easier. This fall I am
going to trim the Saskatoon bushes down to six feet. Ten or
more feet are ridiculous! Sure, the branches are flexible
and can be pulled down, but that is unnecessary work. They
will just spread more to the sides.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Strange as it seems, no amount of learning can cure stupidity,
and higher education positively fortifies it.
--- Stephen Vizinczey
Take everything you like seriously, except yourselves.
--- Rudyard Kipling (1865 - 1936)
>From Lisa
Our family owned restaurant is the setting for many of our
discussions about how to handle the customer who asks,
"What's good tonight?"
Obviously, we would never serve anything we didn't think was
good. I braced myself one Saturday night when I heard the
dreaded question posed to my husband.
He calmly replied, "Anything over $13.95."
>From Ann
One morning I was called to pick up my son at the school
nurse's office. When I walked through the main entrance, I
noticed a woman, curlers in her hair, wearing pajamas.
"Why are you dressed like that?" I asked her.
"I told my son," she explained, "that if he ever did anything
to embarrass me, I would embarrass him back. He was caught
cutting school. So now I've come to spend the day with him!"
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture:
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Joseph Lee Toben, 86, Virginia Beach, VA
Jailed After Waving Sex Toy
At Customers In Grocery Store
Parking Lot
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Joseph Lee Toben, an 86-year-old Virginia man, has been
jailed after he was allegedly seen in a grocery store
parking lot attempting to solicit sex with a sex toy.
According to police, Toben was in a Farm Fresh parking
located on Independence Blvd., when he drew the
attention of two men.
Investigators say the men saw Toben inside his vehicle
attempting to solicit sexual contact with several customers
while waving a sex toy about.
When officers arrived on the scene, Toben was still at the
location harassing customers.
Toben was booked into jail and charged with obscene sexual
display. He was released on bond a few hours later.
Tech Support Pits
From: Sally
Re: HP Touchpad
Dear Webby,
Have read you site for probably close to 15 years.
I now have a problem and no one to ask. Got this item for
Xmas about a year and a half ago. I got on the www site
and looked for phone numbers to call and then spent the
afternoon doing just that. Called all of the numbers and
was passed on to another person who spoke so fast and not
very clear. At the end was told to go do what I had already
done and also to call a certain number that had been
disconnected. What a waste of time. Small town, no repair
people, and I am at a lose as to trash it and buy something
else. Is a HP 10 inch and nice when working but maybe I am
out of my league. Have had a WebTV for so long and has
such a good e-mail program and they are going out of
business at the end of Sept. Need to get something and
get info transferred.
Any help would be appreciated.
A senior citizen, Sally
Dear Sally
Don't expect support from HP. From what I heard, they are
busy giving the Taliban a bad name.
I don't know anybody who accepts HP Touchpads for repair,
because apparently that would cost more than to buy one
off eBay. That just leads to arguments and unhappy customers.
Consider buying one off eBay, or else buying a Google
Chrome Book like the Acer C7 for $199
http://www.google.com/intl/en/chrome/de ... html#ac-c7
It has everything you might need, actually a lot more than
your HP touchpad had. It has a real keyboard AND a touchpad,
and sockets to connect mouse, big speakers, big HiDef TV
screen, etc.
Plus, with Acer you get real support.
It has
* Browsing
* Email
* Hard Drive for storage
* Cloud Storage for back-up
* Instant connectivity, even on airplanes
* Google Hangout for playing intercontinental poker or hearts
or whatever, even with the players on different continents
* Camera built in for video conferencing (Like I do every day
with my dad in Austria)
All of that is installed and working, the moment you unpack
it and turn it on.
You can, of course download and install all kinds of programs,
but I have a hunch, the installed stuff will be plenty for
you. It might be years before you add more programs.
A Chrome Book is not a powerful starwars machine for juveniles
to brag about on the school bus, but it has what you want,
ready to run.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
 |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Tote Bags on Decorative Hooks
I have two pretty, sturdy tote bags hanging on decorative
hooks on my bedroom wall. You'd be surprised how much they
hold. I have wallets, extra pairs of glasses, etc. Things
that I don't want to get rid of, but don't want taking up
room elsewhere. I found one of the pretty totes at a thrift
store for $2.70 after my senior discount.
By Betty from Lubbock, TX
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
"Mr. Clark, I'm afraid I have some bad news
for you," the doctor told his anxious patient,
"You only have six months to live."
The man sat in stunned silence for the next
several minutes.
Regaining his composure, he apologetically
told his physician that he had no medical
insurance -- "I can't possibly pay you in that time."
"OK," said the doctor, "Let's make it a year."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Thanks to Phil from Oz for this story:
One day some soldiers from a nearby Army camp saw a boy
leading a donkey. They thought they would have some fun
with him.
"Say, boy," called out one of the soldiers. "You sure are
keeping a tight rein on your brother, aren't you?"
"Sure am," said the boy. "If I didn't he would probably
join the Army."
Today, Aug 4, in
1735 Freedom of the press was established with an acquittal
of John Peter Zenger. The writer of the New York Weekly
Journal had been charged with seditious libel by the royal
governor of New York. The jury said that "the truth is not
libelous."
1753 George Washington became a Master Mason.
1790 The Revenue Cutter Service was formed. This U.S. naval
task force was the beginning of the U.S. Coast Guard.
1821 "The Saturday Evening Post" was published for the first
time as a weekly.
1914 Britain declared war on Germany in World War I. The U.S.
proclaimed its neutrality.
1944 Nazi police raided a house in Amsterdam and arrested
eight people. Anne Frank, a teenager at the time, was one
of the people arrested. Her diary would be published after
her death.
1954 The uranium rush began in Saskatchewan, Canada.
1956 William Herz became the first person to race a motorcycle
over 200 miles per hour. He was clocked at 210 mph.
1957 Florence Chadwick set a world record by swimming the
English Channel in 6 hours and 7 minutes.
1958 The first potato flake plant was completed in Grand Forks, ND.
1984 Upper Volta, an African republic, changed its name to
Burkina Faso.
1987 The Fairness Doctrine was rescinded by the Federal
Communications Commission. The doctrine had required that radio
and TV stations present controversial issues in a balanced
fashion.
1987 A new 22-cent U.S. stamp honoring noted author William
Faulkner, went on sale in Oxford, MS. Faulkner had been
fired as postmaster of that same post office in 1924.
1990 The European Community imposed an embargo on oil from
Iraq and Kuwait. This was done to protest the Iraqi invasion
of the oil-rich Kuwait.
1991 The Oceanos, a Greek luxury liner, sank off of South
Africa's southeast coast. All of the 402 passengers and 179
crewmembers survived.
1994 Yugoslavia withdrew its support for Bosnian Serbs. The
border between Yugoslavia and Serb-held Bosnia was sealed.
2009 North Korean leader Kim Jong-il pardoned two American
journalists, who had been arrested and imprisoned for
illegal entry earlier in the year.
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Saturday, August 3, 2013, 11:26 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, August 3.
The raspberries are finally ripening. I managed to pick a
nice bowl full, even though the ripest ones went straight
into my mouth. I filled them into the smallest fake
Tupperware containers from Glad, about the size of a muffin
and just right for one meal from me.
Is Tupperware still around? Have not heard about it for
many years.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable
that we have to alter it every six months.
--- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
I've gone into hundreds of [fortune-teller's parlors],
and have been told thousands of things, but nobody ever
told me I was a policewoman getting ready to arrest her.
--- New York City detective
A new convert to Catholicism decided to go to confession to
deal with his transgression. In the confessional, he told the
priest that he had sinned.
"What was your sin, my son?" asked the priest.
"I stole some lumber, Father," replied the man.
"How much lumber did you steal?" asked the priest.
"Father, I built my German Shepherd dog a nice new doghouse."
The priest replied, "Well, that's not so bad."
The man continued, "Father, I also built myself a 4-car
garage."
"Well, now, that's a little more serious."
"Father, there's more. In addition to the doghouse, the 4-car
garage, I also built a 5 bedroom, 4 bath house!"
With a pause, the priest finally spoke. "That is a little more
serious. I'm afraid you'll have to make a novena."
"Father, I'm not sure what a novena is, but if you've got the
blueprints, I've got the lumber!"
A farmer wins the ten million dollar lottery and is being
interviewed. He is asked what he is going to do with all the
money.
"Oh, I guess the first thing I'll do is go and pay a few bills."
"And what about the rest?" the reporter asks.
Farmer shrugs. "Well, I guess they'll just have to wait"
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture:
Click on the picture for the large version
Relics of early Newfies or the aliens, that landed in
Newfoundland, where Hagar The Horrible's Great-Grand-Dad
landed 1000 years ago?
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Penny Dane, Daytona beach, Floriduh
Police Sgt caught playing
Internet porno games on the job
Reported by Arca Max
Penny Dane, a Daytona Beach Police Sergeant, resigned after
she admitted posting nude pictures of herself online while
on-duty, CBS affiliate WKMG reports.
Dane, who worked in law enforcement for approximately 18
years, admitted to accessing and sending sexually explicit
pictures as part of an online game called "Red Light Center,"
the station reports.
Chief Mike Chitwood said he was flabbergasted after viewing
the nearly 300 photos and videos that Sgt. Dane accessed
using her city-owned computers and internet.
In all, 177 images were found on Dane's office desktop
computer, 97 images were found on the laptop inside her
marked patrol car and at least 23 of the pics were of
the sergeant herself.
"Extremely pornographic in nature, and in several of
the photos that we have since discovered, she was in
her uniform," said Chief Chitwood.
Investigators were reportedly tipped off by Dane herself
when she accused another officer of sexual harassment.
After a review of her own e-mails, the self-incriminating
evidence was discovered.
Dane's sexual harassment claims later proved false.
Tech Support Pits
From: Wes
Re: Computer up on blocks
Dear Webby,
Putting your puter on a brick or some sort of wooden block
will lessen the amount of dust that can accumulate around
the base. Usually just a couple of inches makes a big
difference.
Wes
Dear Wes
Yes, that will help a bit with the bigger dust bunnies.
However, it does not get you out of opening the side lid
and vacuuming the inside and cleaning the heat sinks.
Keep in mind that you have two or more powerful fans sucking
unfiltered room air into the computer, getting the impurities
deposited inside, and blowing clean hot air out the back.
Yes, I know it's a stupid way to do it, and I have never
hesitated to say so.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
 |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Practical Vases For Flowers
The dollar stores have become very handy for me. When I go,
I get several plastic (or glass if they have it) vases to
keep at home. When I want to take flowers to someone, I
purchase them for a reasonable price from either a market
or a bulk produce place. I then clean them up, cut down the
stems, and put them in one of the vases I purchased. I
usually put a bit of water in the vase but not enough to
spill when moving.
This way, when I give the flowers to the recipient all they
need to do is fill with more water and place wherever they
choose. This way, they do not need to hunt for something to
put the flowers in.
I use platters or bowels from the dollar store the same way.
This way, I do not have to worry about retrieving the item
I brought my food in.
By Sharon
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
There was a little old lady from a small town in Arkansas
who had to go to Texas. She was amazed at the size of her
hotel and her suite. She went into the huge cafe and said to
the waitress, who took her order for a cup of coffee, that
she had never before seen anything as big as the hotel or
her suite.
"Everything's big in Texas ma'am," said the waitress. The
coffee came in the biggest cup the old lady had ever
seen. "I told you, ma'am, that everything is big in Texas,"
said the waitress.
On her way back to her suite, the old lady got lost in the
vast corridors. She opened the door of a darkened room
and fell into an enormous swimming pool.
"Please!" she screamed. "Don't flush it!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
An eighty-three year old woman finished her annual physical
examination, whereupon her doctor said, "You are in fine
shape for your age, but tell me, do you still have
intercourse?"
"Just a minute; I'll have to ask my husband," she said.
She went out to the reception room and said, "Bubba, do
we still have intercourse?"
Bubba answered impatiently, "If I told you once, I told you
a thousand times. We have Blue Cross!"
Today, Aug 3, in
1492 Christopher Columbus left Palos, Spain with three ships.
The voyage would lead him to what is now known as the
Americas. He reached the Bahamas on October 12.
1900 Firestone Tire & Rubber Co. was founded.
1914 Germany declared war on France. The next day
World War I began when Britain declared war on Germany.
1933 The Mickey Mouse Watch was introduced for the price of
$2.75.
1936 The U.S. State Department advised Americans to leave
Spain due to the Spanish Civil War.
1956 Bedloe's Island had its name changed to Liberty Island.
1958 The Nautilus became the first vessel to cross the North
Pole underwater. The mission was known as "Operation
Sunshine."
1981 U.S. traffic controllers with PATCO, the Professional
Air Traffic Controllers Organization, went on strike. They
were fired just as U.S. President Reagan had warned.
1985 Mail service returned to a nudist colony in Paradise
Lake, FL. Residents promised that they'd wear clothes or
stay out of sight when the mailperson came to deliver.
1988 The Iran-Contra hearings ended. No ties were made
between U.S. President Reagan and the Nicaraguan Rebels.
1988 The Soviet Union released Mathias Rust. He had been
taken into custody on May 28, 1987 for landing a plane
in Moscow's Red Square.
1990 Thousands of Iraqi troops pushed within a few miles
of the border of Saudi Arabia. This heightened world
concerns that the invasion of Kuwait could spread.
1992 The U.S. Senate voted to restrict and eventually
end the testing of nuclear weapons.
1992 Russia and Ukraine agreed to put the Black Sea Fleet
under joint command. The agreement was to last for
three years.
1995 Eyad Ismoil was flown from Jordan to the U.S. to
face charges that he had driven the van that blew up
in New York's World Trade Center.
2004 In New York, the Statue of Liberty re-opened to the
public. The site had been closed since the terrorist
attacks on the U.S. on September 11, 2001.
2004 NASA launched the spacecraft Messenger. The 6 1/2 year
journey was planned to arrive at the planet Mercury in
March 2011.
2009 Bolivia became the first South American country to
declare the right of indigenous people to govern
themselves.
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Ho to get rid of Hotspot Shield
Friday, August 2, 2013, 11:01 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, August 2.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Thank you Cookie!!
WASHINGTON – The U.S. Army has ordered its personnel not to
go to the latest postings on the website of the British
newspaper The Guardian to read revelations of information
given to its reporter because it contains a “TOP SECRET
slide show.”
The slide show is about how the NSA spies on US soldiers
and other tax payers.
The Guardian’s story is mainly about the NSA's new toy, the
XKeyscore, which is an NSA data mining software tool that
gives the analyst accesses to “everything a user does on
the Internet.”
I find it rather sad, that the military forbids the soldiers
to read what is public knowledge in other countries, and what
really concerns them!
That puts Snowden and Manning into a totally different light.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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Nobody ever went broke underestimating the
intelligence of the American public.
--- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
A spiritualist who'd recently been widowed met a
colleague and reported excitedly that she'd just
received a message from her dead husband - asking
her to send him a pack of cigarettes.
"The only thing is," she mused, "that I don't know
where to send them."
"Why not?" asked her friend.
"Well, he didn't actually say that he was in
Heaven - but I can't imagine he'd be in Hell."
"Hm," responded the friend. "Well, maybe I shouldn't
bring this up, but...he didn't mention anything
about including matches in the package, did he?"
Jack had gone to propose to his girlfriend and
returned home crying bitterly. "What happened,
son?" his father asked, eagerly awaiting her
response. "Did she accept?"
"No, she sure didn't," sobbed Jack. "When I
told her what you advised me to say, she
slapped my face and told me to get out."
"Did you begin by telling her what I told you
to say, what I told your mother when she
accepted my proposal? 'Sweetheart, time stands
still when I look in your eyes.' Did you tell
her that?" asked his father.
"Oh boy, dad, did I get it all wrong," Jack groaned.
"I said, 'My Dear, you have a face that would
stop a clock'!"
Thanks to Betty for this picture:
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Nafeesa Robinson and Paul Sherman,
Osceola County, Floriduh
Counterfit Bills, Car Burglary and
Contributing to the Delinquency
of a Minor
Reported by Sheriff's Office News Releases
Osceola County Sheriff's detectives arrested Nafeesa Robinson
and Paul Sherman and charged them with three counts of
Unoccupied Car Burglary, three counts of Criminal Mischief,
three counts of Petit Theft, Possession of Burglary Tools,
Possession of Counterfeit Bills and Contributing to the
Delinquency of a Minor.
On July 28 deputies with the Community Response Team West
and Tourist Policing Unit were conducting an undercover
operation on West 192. The operation was in response to
recent car burglaries in Osceola, Orange and Lake counties
which targeted restaurant parking lots, specifically
employee's vehicles. The suspects would break the car
windows with a punch or brass knuckles, steal handbags
and use the stolen credit cards to make purchases at local
stores.
Based on the investigation, detectives obtained information
Sherman and his wife, Robinson were possible suspects. On
July 28 detectives observed Sherman and Robinson break into
a vehicle at the Target located at 3200 Rolling Oaks Boulevard.
During the burglary, they had their 6-year-old son with them.
Also, in their possession were $650 dollars in counterfeit bills.
Robinson and Sherman were placed into custody and cooperated
with the investigation. Detectives obtained a search warrant
for their residence located at 5512 Huber Drive in Orlando
and they found stolen property and additional counterfeit
bills. Based on their statements and the evidence, Sherman
and Robinson were arrested and booked into the Osceola County
Jail.
The Department of Children and Families was contacted and
the child was released to another family member. The
investigation is on-going with additional charges pending.
By the way, his head gear is not something religious. It is
a fresh bandage.
Tech Support Pits
From: Sidney
Re: How to get rid of Hotspot Shield
Dear Webby,
My daughter got our computer infected with some crap called
Hotspot Shield. It is the most obnoxious and useless crap
I have EVER seen. It messes up the email connection, blocks
perfectly good web sites, blocks SSH connections to my own
domains, etc. If you can't find a way to get rid of it
by nightfall, that computer will get a metal stake pounded
through it, a few gallons of tar and diesel poured on it
and set on fire, to exorcise it!
Sidney
Dear Sidney
Relax. No need to set it on fire.
Click on START
Control Panel
Programs and Features (What used to be ADD/REMOVE Programs)
In there, look for Hotspot
Right-click it and select UNinstall
That will take a while.
Afterward run CrapCleaner to complete the cleanup.
By the way, I have seen Hotspot Shield on a computer,
and I can fully understand and appreciate your feelings.
Hotspot Shield is one of the worst programs ever written.
I would classify it as Malware. Those idiots simply don't
understand the net and how we use it. For example,
hijacking your email and running it through their server
might be expected, if you are in the US Military and they
want to check all your email, but like most businesses I
have safeguards in place, that lock up, when they detect
what we call a "Man In The Middle Attack".
The same goes with command line access to servers and FTP.
What Hotspot Shield does is treated like any attack.
I can recognize that kind of attack, but most people are
simply tempted to use a metal stake and tar and diesel.
So, if any of you ever see "Hotspot Shield" mentioned,
the answer is NO!!!!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
 |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Nearly Free Wall Art
A bare wall is a blank canvas waiting to be decorated.
However, art can be expensive. I have found that I can
decorate my walls at little or no cost simply by using
photos from books or magazines.
Cheap picture frames can be found at Dollar Stores, yard
sales, and thrift stores. I cut out and mount pictures
from magazines I subscribe to or find free at various
locations.
A local library has over-sized books available at their
book sale for $1. The book covers are well worn or damaged
but the pages inside are usually in good condition. Nature
and gardening books often have beautiful pictures in them
that look fantastic when framed.
I can very inexpensively create a wall of pictures that
relate to things I'm passionate about, such as nature scenes,
animals and flowers. I like to frequently alter my decor but
my budget doesn't allow me to purchase new room accessories
very often.
Just placing new "free" pictures on the wall will alter the
atmosphere and appearance of a room. Temporarily removing
standard pictures and replacing them with holiday pictures
is an inexpensive way to decorate for Christmas.
By VeronicaHB from Asheboro, NC
To create the feeling of more space, get an old window or
door, that has dividers and small panes.
Take some nice scenery picture from the Humor Letter and
divide it the same way the window or door is divided.
Print and trim the "panes" and stick them onto the door
or window.
Naturally, if the room is a day use room, choose a daylight
picture.
Your first "printed window" might be a learning experience,
but you will quickly get the hang of it.
If you attach the printed panes with double-sided removable
tape (similar to Post-It Notes), or a glue stick with the
same removable glue, then you can quickly change the view,
depending on whether you expect your in-laws or your
secret lover.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
A teacher asked one of the boys in her class,
"Can people predict the future with cards?"
His response was, "My mother can."
The teacher replied, "Really?"
The young boy was quick to explain, "Yes, she takes one
look at my report card and tells me what will happen
when my father gets home."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
From Goldie:
The preacher came over the other day. He said that, at my age,
I should be thinking of the hereafter. I told him that I do it
all the time. No matter where I am, in the parlor, upstairs,
in the kitchen, or down in the basement, I ask myself,
"Now, what am I here after?"
Today, Aug 2, in
1776 Members of the Continental Congress began adding their
signatures to the Declaration of Independence.
1791 Samuel Briggs and his son Samuel Briggs, Jr. received a
joint patent for their nail-making machine.
1858 In Boston and New York City the first mailboxes were
installed along streets.
1861 The United States Congress passed the first income tax.
The revenues were intended for the war effort against
the South. The tax was never enacted.
1887 Rowell Hodge patented barbed wire.
1892 Charles A. Wheeler patented the first escalator.
1926 John Barrymore and Mary Astor starred in the first
showing of the Vitaphone System. The system was the combining
of picture and sound for movies.
1939 Albert Einstein signed a letter to President Roosevelt
urging the U.S. to have an atomic weapons research program.
1939 U.S. President Roosevelt signed the Hatch Act. The act
prohibited civil service employees from taking an active
part in political campaigns.
1943 The U.S. Navy patrol torpedo boat, PT-109, sank after
being attacked by a Japanese destroyer. The boat was under
the command of Lt. John F. Kennedy.
1945 The Allied conference at Potsdam was concluded.
1964 The Pentagon reported the first of two North Vietnamese
attacks on U.S. destroyers in the Gulf of Tonkin.
1990 Iraq invaded the oil-rich country of Kuwait.
Iraq claimed that Kuwait had driven down oil prices by
exceeding production quotas set by OPEC.
1995 China ordered the expulsion of two U.S. Air Force officers.
The two were said to have been caught spying on military sights.
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( 2.9 / 625 )
Best Location for computer
Thursday, August 1, 2013, 09:59 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, Aug 1.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Creativity is a drug I cannot live without.
--- Cecil B. DeMille (1881 - 1959)
Make sure to be in with your equals if you're going to
fall out with your superiors.
--- Jewish Proverb
Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone
else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions
a quotation.
--- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
Write something to suit yourself and many people will like it;
write something to suit everybody and scarcely anyone
will care for it.
--- Jesse Stuart
Two psychiatrists were at a convention. As
they conversed over a drink, one asked, "What
was your most difficult case?"
The other replied, "I had a patient who lived
in a pure fantasy world. He believed that an
uncle in South America was going to die and
leave him a fortune. All day long he waited
for a letter to arrive from an attorney. He
never went out, he never did anything, he merely
sat around and waited for this fantasy letter
from this fantasy uncle. I worked with this man
eight years."
"What was the result?"
"It was an eight-year struggle. Every day for
eight years, but I finally cured him. And then
that stupid letter arrived!"
The passenger sat in the backseat, clutching the door
handle and wondering if she could expect to survive the trip.
The cabdriver sped through the crowded streets,weaving in
and out of traffic. The passenger watched as one pedestrian
after another ran to avoid being run down by her lunatic driver.
She looked ahead and saw a truck double-parked on the
narrow street,but not only did the taxi driver fail to slow down,
he actually accelerated as he approached the truck.
He slipped his cab through the available space with an inch
or two to spare on either side.
"Driver!" the passenger screamed,"Are you trying to get us
both killed?"
"Relax,lady," he said, "just do what I do. Close your eyes."
Thanks to my dad for this picture:
Click on the picture for the large version
View from my office, actually the deck outside it
at 9 PM
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Jay Riley, 21, Woodbridge, VA
Jailed After Bringing Computer To
Police Station, Asking Officers If
He Was Wanted On Child Pornography
Charges
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Jay Riley, a 21-year-old Virginia man, was jailed Tuesday
after he allegedly brought his computer to a police station,
and asked officers if they wanted to arrest him on child
pornography charges.
According to Prince William County Police, Riley was surfing
porn sites on his computer last week when an
"FBI Warning Message" popped up on his screen.
Investigators say the message told Riley that he needed to
pay a fine or be subject to a child pornography criminal
investigation.
Taking the message seriously, Riley packed up his computer,
headed down to his local police station and asked officers
if there were any child porn warrants for his arrest.
Officers searched Riley's computer and found several
inappropriate photographs and chat log messages Riley had
exchanged with a 13-year-old girl from Minnesota.
Armed with a search warrant, detectives seized a computer
and several other electronic devices from Riley's home.
Riley was booked into jail and charged with 3 counts
of possessing child pornography, 1 count of using a
communication device to solicit certain offenses involving
children and 1 count of indecent liberties with a minor.
The message that prompted Riley to go to a police station
was later determined to be a virus that had been downloaded
to his computer.
Tech Support Pits
From: Allan
Re: Location for computer
Dear Webby,
What is a better location for my computer, in a snug cubbyhole
on my desk, or on the floor below the desk?
Allan
Dear Allan
On the floor, without any doubt whatsoever.
You have to be able to get at the cables on the back. That
alone rules out a snug cubbyhole. However, the most
important reason is cooling. There is nothing that kills
a computer faster than inadequate cooling. It needs
unresticted air flow that it can draw through the computer
ONCE. Not re-use the heated air for that.
Just put it on the floor and once or twice a year vacuum
out the dust bunnies and clean the heat sinks.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
 |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Fixing a Stuck Zipper
If your zipper is stuck, use a graphite pencil along
the teeth back and front and, presto, it works again!
By shi
Try to get the zipper to close again with just water as
the lubricant.
Iron the fabric that holds the zipper teeth.
Wash and dry with the zipper still closed.
Iron the fabric that holds the zipper teeth, again.
While still hot, run a thin line of rubber cement or
any clear flexible glue onto the fabric along the teeth.
Just on the fabric side, not across the teeth!
The idea is to stengthen the fabric, that had lost it's
strength to hold the teeth at the proper angle.
Let the glue set overnight. After that, the zipper
will be like new.
Especially if you had used a graphite pencil or a spray
of WD40 to get home, the washing part is essential!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Teddy came thundering down the stairs, much to his father's annoyance. "Teddy," he called, "how many more times do I have I to tell
you to come downstairs quietly? Now, go back upstairs and come down like a civilized human being."
There was a silence, and Teddy reappeared in the front room.
"That's better," said his father. "Now in the future you will always come downstairs like that."
"OK," said Teddy. "I slid down the railing."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
The little girl was sitting in her grandfather's lap as he
read her a goodnight story.
From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book
and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately
stroking her own cheek and his.
Finally she spoke. "Granddaddy, did God make you?"
"Yes, sweetheart" he answered, "God made me a long time ago."
"Oh", she said, then "Granddaddy, did God make me too?"
"Yes, indeed honey" he assured her. "God made you just a
little while ago."
"Oh" she said. Feeling their respective faces again, she
observed,
"God's getting better at it now isn't he?"
Today, Aug 1, in
1498 Christopher Columbus landed on "Isla Santa" (Venezuela).
1619 The first black Americans (20) arrived at Jamestown, VA.
1774 Oxygen was isolated from air successfully by chemist
Carl Wilhelm and scientist Joseph Priestly.
1790 The first U.S. census was completed with a total
population of 3,929,214 recorded.
1834 Slavery was outlawed in the British empire.
1873 Andrew S. Hallidie successfully tested a cable car.
The design was done for San Francisco, CA.
1893 Shredded wheat was patented by Henry Perky and
William Ford.
1894 The first Sino-Japanese War erupted. The dispute
was over control of Korea.
1907 The U.S. Army established an aeronautical division
that later became the U.S. Air Force.
1914 Germany declared war on Russia at the beginning of
World War I.
1936 Adolf Hitler presided over the Olympic games as
they opened in Berlin.
1944 In Warsaw, Poland, an uprising against Nazi occupation
began. The revolt continued until October 2 when Polish
forces surrendered.
1953 The first aluminum-faced building was completed.
It was the first of this type in America.
1957 The North American Air Defense Command (NORAD)
was created by the United States and Canada.
1995 Westinghouse Electric Corporation announced a deal
to buy CBS for $5.4 billion.
2006 Cuban leader Fidel Castro turned over absolute power
when he gave his brother Raul authority while he
underwent an intestinal surgery.
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( 2.9 / 711 )
Wednesday, July 31, 2013, 10:37 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, July 31.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Here's a rule I recommend: Never practice two vices at once.
--- Tallulah Bankhead (1903 - 1968)
Many people would sooner die than think;
In fact, they do so.
--- Bertrand Russell
A man was stranded on the proverbial deserted Pacific
island for years. Finally one day a boat comes sailing into
view, and the man frantically waves and draws the skipper's
attention. The boat comes near the island, and the sailor
gets out and greets the stranded man.
After awhile the sailor asks, "What are those three huts
you have here?"
"Well, that's my house there."
"What's that next hut?" asks the sailor.
"I built that hut to be my church."
"What about the other hut?"
"Oh, that's where I used to go to church."
At a jury trial with the jury consisting of 4 men and 8 women:
Defendant: "Your Honor, I wish to change my plea."
Judge: "Is someone using undue influence to prompt you to
change your mind?"
Defendant: "No sir, when I pled 'Not Guilty' I didn't know
there would be women on the jury. Since my wife always has
her mind made up beforehand and resents it, when I try to
confuse her with facts, I'll never be able to convince
8 women jurors."
Thanks to my dad for this picture:
Click on the picture for the large version
This was the top part of a 6 foot tall cactus, that fell
over and broke into pieces. Dad let the pieces dry a month,
then planted them into separate pots. As you can see,
they bloomed quite nicely.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Julie Hautzenroeder, 36, Colerain Township, Ohio
Teacher - Charged With Having Sex
With Two Students
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Julie Hautzenroeder, a 36-year-old science teacher at
Colerain High School, has been indicted on sex charges
after she allegedly had sex with two students.
According to the Hamilton County Sheriff's Office, an
investigation was launched back in May of this year after
school officials received information that Hautzenroeder
had become sexually involved with a 16-year-old student.
As the investigation unfolded, it was reportedly learned
that Hautzenroeder had become sexually involved with two
students who she had hired to babysit her daughter. The
first student reportedly attends Colerain High School,
however the age and location of the second student has
not yet been released.
According to court records, Hautzenroeder allegedly had
intercourse with one students and oral sex with the second
student.
Hautzenroeder has been indicted on two counts of sexual battery.
Tech Support Pits
From: Glenis
Re: Rule 240
Dear Webby,
You travel a lot. What is "Rule 240" really about, and how
does it apply under the current security restrictions?
Glenis
Dear Glenis
I used to travel a fair bit, but that is not in the current
budget. Re Rule 240, I bet you saw somebody march up to a
ticket counter, mentioning "Rule 240", and how she was
instantly given wads of hotel vouchers and tickets.
"Rule 240" used to be the federal compensation schedule for
passengers inconvenienced by delays due to air line mess-ups.
Nowadays each airline has their own "Rule 240" filed with
the DOT.
The "Rule 240" filings are usually quite straight forward.
IF you were at the gate on time, and IF there was no
force majeure" events: weather, strikes, "acts of God," or
other occurrences, that the airlines say they cannot control,
or you miss a connection because they were late,
they promise to put you up in a decent hotel, give you
alternate tickets and meal vouchers.
Where the fun comes in is that 99% of the airport counter
staff have at one time or another heard about "Rule 240",
but have no clue where they can find the copy that is
supposed to be at each counter. So they usually fall all
over themselves to err on the safe side, rather than get in
trouble.
If the take-off is delayed because of security problems,
then the air line is theoretically off the hook, but very
few counter staffers know enough about "Rule 240"
to intelligently dispute the points, and rather give you
vouchers.
The European equivalent is EU Regulation 261/2004.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
 |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Be Careful With DIY Beauty Treatments
So I just threw in three ingredients in an attempt to clear
an oily nose; some lime juice, toothpaste and some scrub.
As soon as I put it on it started to burn! I thought that
it was just the side effect of the toothpaste but seven
minutes later, it's still burning. I've decided to just
leave it on for the full fifteen minutes, but I'm afraid
of the result. Not pacticulary asking for help but just
giving out a warning to potential DIY'ers. Don't do this!
By KittyKakes E.
Also avoid using dynamite or chainsaws for facial cleaning.
That would be just as dumb.
Simply sneak out to the garage and look for a can of
Waterless Handcleaner.
You can also buy it at Walmart, Home Depot, or any
automotive parts & accessories store.
Waterless Handcleaner is a gentle paste. Dip the tip of a
finger into it, smear it onto your greasy nose, and wipe
it off with paper towel or facial tissue.
That's all there is to it!
Believe me, industry would grind to a screching halt, if
you took away waterless handcleaner. By the way, it also
works very well to remove tar splatters or spray paint
from cars, and has effectively removed grease and oil
from mechanics faces and hands for over a hundred years.
And it doesn't take much. "A little dab'll do ya."
Some brands have a hint of lanolin (wool oil) in it to
protect the skin after the cleaner has deep cleaned
it and removed ALL oil and grease.It doesn't make
your skin feel oily, but not dry either.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Sister Mary, who worked for a home health agency, was out
making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she
ran out of gas. As luck would have it, a gas station was
just a block away.
She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy
some gas. The attendant told her that the only gas can he
owned had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was
returned.
Since the nun was on the way to see a patient, she decided
not to wait and walked back to her car. She looked for
something in her car that she could fill with gas and
spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient.
Always resourceful, she carried the bedpan to the station,
filled it with gas, and carried the full bedpan back to
her car.
As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two men watched
from across the street. One of the them turned to the other
and said, "If it starts, I'm becoming a Catholic."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
>From Lila
DearWebby, can you please run that hilarious story about the fallen cake again?
Thanks, Lila
OK, here it is:
Alice Grayson was to bake a cake for the Baptist Church
ladies' group bake sale in Tuscaloosa, but she forgot to
do it until the last minute.
She remembered it the morning of the bake sale and after
rummaging through cabinets she found an angel food cake
mix and quickly made it while drying her hair and dressing
and helping her son Bryan pack up for Scout camp.
But when Alice took the cake from the oven, the center had
dropped flat and the cake was horribly disfigured.
She said, "Oh dear, there's no time to bake another cake."
This cake was so important to Alice because she did so
want to fit in at her new church, and in her new community
of new friends.
So, being inventive, she looked around the house for
something to build up the center of the cake.
Alice found it in the bathroom -- a roll of toilet paper.
She plunked it in and then covered it with icing.
Not only did the finished product look beautiful, it looked
perfect!
Before she left the house to drop the cake by the church
and head for work, Alice woke her daughter Amanda and
gave her some money and specific instructions to be at the
bake sale the minute it opened at 9:30, and to buy that
cake and bring it home.
When the daughter arrived at the sale, she found that the
attractive perfect cake had already been sold.
Amanda grabbed her cell phone and called her
Mom.
Alice was horrified she was beside herself. Everyone would
know, what would they think?
Oh, my she wailed! She would be ostracized, talked about,
ridiculed.
All night Alice lay awake in bed thinking about people pointing
their fingers at her and talking about her behind her back.
The next day, Alice promised herself that she would try not
to think about the cake and she would attended the fancy
luncheon/bridal shower at the home of a friend of a friend
and try to have a good time.
Alice did not really want to attend because the hostess was
a snob who more than once had looked down her nose at the
fact that Alice was a single parent and not from the founding
families of Tuscaloosa, but having already RSVP 'd she
could not think of a believable excuse to stay home.
The meal was elegant, the company was definitely upper crust
old South... and to Alice's horror, the CAKE in question was
presented for dessert.
Alice felt the blood drain from her body when she saw the
cake, she started, out of her chair to rush to tell her
hostess all about it, but before she could get to her feet,
the Mayor's wife said, "What a beautiful cake!"
Alice, who was still stunned, sat back in her chair when
she heard the hostess (who was a prominent church member)
say, Thank you, I baked it myself."
Alice smiled and thought to herself, "GOD is good."
Today, July 31, in
1498 Christopher Columbus, on his third voyage to the
Western Hemisphere, arrived at the island of Trinidad.
1790 The first U.S. patent was issued to Samuel Hopkins
for his process for making potash and pearl ashes.
The substance was used in fertilizer.
1919 Germany's Weimar Constitution was adopted.
1928 MGM’s Leo the lion roared for the first time.
He introduced MGM’s first talking picture, "White Shadows
on the South Seas."
1932 Enzo Ferrari retired from racing. In 1950 he launched
a series of cars under his name.
1945 Pierre Laval of France surrendered to Americans in
Austria.
1955 Marilyn Bell of Toronto, Canada, at age 17, became
the youngest person to swim the English Channel.
1964 The American space probe Ranger 7 transmitted pictures
of the moon's surface.
1971 Men rode in a vehicle on the moon for the first time
in a lunar rover vehicle (LRV).
1982 Yugoslavia imposed a six-month freeze on prices.
1989 A pro-Iranian group in Lebanon released a videotape
reportedly showing the hanged body of American hostage
William R. Higgins.
1991 U.S. President George H. Bush and Soviet President
Mikhail Gorbachev signed the Strategic Arms Reduction Treaty.
1995 The Walt Disney Company agreed to acquire Capital
Cities/ABC in a $19 billion deal.
1999 The spacecraft Lunar Prospect crashed into the moon.
It was a mission to detect frozen water on the moon's
surface. The craft had been launched on January 6, 1998.
2007 The iTunes Music Store reached 2 million feature
length films sold.
2013 smiled
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( 3 / 682 )
Tuesday, July 30, 2013, 10:57 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, July 30.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
A cult is a religion with no political power.
--- Tom Wolfe (1931 - )
Thanks to Irma for this story:
One day, while driving with my 5 year old daughter
Melanie, I beeped the horn by mistake. She turned and
looked at me as if she was demanding an explanation.
I said, "I did that by accident..."
She replied, "I know that....'cause you didn't yell
'@#$%&!' after beeping!"
A woman was getting swamped with calls from strangers. The
reason? A billing service had launched an 800 number that
was identical to hers. When she called to complain, she
was told to get a new number.
"I've had mine for twenty years," she pleaded. "Couldn't
you change yours?"
The company refused, so she said, "Fine. From now on, I'm
going to tell everyone who calls that their billing service
had screwed up and not to worry about their bill."
The company got a new number the next day.
Click on the picture for the large version
Yesterday morning from my office window.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Brian O'Neill, 25, St. Charles, Mo.
Jailed After Repeatedly Zapping Wife With
Stun Gun Because He Couldn't Find His Wallet
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Brian O'Neill, a 25-year-old Missouri man, was jailed Tuesday
after he allegedly assaulted his wife with a stun gun because
he couldn't his wallet.
According to police, O'Neill and his wife were at a relatives
home earlier this month when O'Neill suddenly realized that
his wallet was missing.
In retaliation, O'Neill allegedly grabbed a 3.8 million volt
stun gun and applied a shock to his wife's neck.
When the wife recovered and attempted to get away from O'Neill,
he reportedly pinned her down and applied additional jolts
to her legs and abdomen.
When the woman finally recovered from the second attack,
she attempted to flee to her car. That's when O'Neill
chased her down and zapped her again with the stun gun
before fleeing the scene.
Police who arrived at the scene found O'Neill's wallet, which contained a metal pipe with burned marijuana residue inside.
They also discovered that O'Neill was already on parole for
a recent drug violation.
He was booked into jail and charged with felony domestic
assault, armed criminal action, property damage and unlawful
use of drug paraphernalia.
The wife later told police that she does not sleep in the
same bedroom as O'Neill because she is afraid that he will
kill her while she is asleep.
Tech Support Pits
From: Allan
Re: SMTP filtering
Dear Webby,
My ISP, Telus, is dumping too much of my outgoing mail with
their mis-configured SMTP filters. How do I get around that?
Writing to their support is useless, they apparently filter
and dump their own responses too.
Thanks
Allan
Dear Allan
Telus DSL is OK for areas where you can't get cable, but
I agree that their mail is definitely not reliable enough
for business purposes. Luckily it's easy enough to get
around them, or any ISP, by using a remote SMTP server.
A very popular and easy to use remote SMTP is at
Softstack
It's easy to set up and it's free.
Then there is SMTP2GO.com
If you want something fancier with more options, there is
PostCastServer
for $49.
A fringe benefit of using a remote SMTP is that you never
have to change it when you travel or move or change ISPs.
Considering that only very few hotels nowadays allow you
to use their SMTP, you are never stuck when you use a
remote one like one of those.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
 |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Keep Frozen Water In Your Fridge
Now the weather is turning cold, I leave clean plastic
gallon jugs of drinking water outside overnight to freeze.
One bottle gives me refreshing iced water in the morning,
the others go in the fridge and freezer to fill space and
keep cooling costs down. This is especially useful now the
furnace is running more often.
By Laura P. from Iowa
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thanks to Dave for this story:
As the manager of our hospital's softball team, I was
responsible for returning equipment to the proper owners
at the end of the season.
When I walked into the surgery department carrying a bat
that belonged to one of the surgeons, I passed several
patients and their families in a waiting area.
I heard one man say to his wife,
"Look, honey, here comes your anesthesiologist."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
The pastor shocked the congregation when he announced that
he was resigning from the church and moving to a drier climate.
After the service, a very distraught lady came to the pastor
with tears in her eyes, "Oh, Pastor Bob, we are going to
miss you so much. We don't want you to leave!"
The kindhearted pastor patted her hand and said
"Now, now, Carolyn, don't carry on. The pastor who takes
my place might be even better than me".
"Yeah", she said, with a tone of disappointment in her voice,
"That's what they said the last time too."
Today, July 30, in
1502 Christopher Columbus landed at Guanaja in the Bay
Islands off the coast of Honduras during his fourth voyage.
1729 The city of Baltimore was founded in Maryland.
1733 The first Freemasons lodge opened in what would later
become the United States.
1898 "Scientific America" carried the first magazine
automobile ad. The ad was for the Winton Motor Car
Company of Cleveland, OH.
1945 The USS Indianapolis was torpedoed by a Japanese
submarine. The ship had just delivered key components
of the Hiroshima atomic bomb to the Pacific island of
Tinian. Only 316 out of 1,196 men aboard survived the
attack.
1956 The phrase "In God We Trust" was adopted as the
U.S. national motto.
1965 U.S. President Johnson signed into law Social
Security Act that established Medicare and Medicaid.
It went into effect the following year.
1987 Indian troops arrived in Jaffna, Sri Lanka, to
disarm the Tamil Tigers and enforce a peace pact.
1990 In Spring Hill, TN, the first Saturn automobile
rolled off the assembly line.
2000 Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt were married.
2001 Lance Armstrong became the first American to
win three consecutive Tours de France.
2003 In Mexico, the last 'old style' Volkswagon Beetle
rolled off an assembly line.
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Which is the best FTP program?
Monday, July 29, 2013, 11:46 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, July 29.
The first few of the Saskatoon berries are ripe.
Due to the end of the Gullible Warming, they are a late,
but they taste exactly the same.
The raspberries are late too, but the first few were delicious!
You see some that are almost ripe.
The enthusiastic plant on the right is Lovage or Maggi,
a very nice spice. The seeds of it have a quite different
flavor from the dried leaves. It is time to cut them and
dry them. If you are not familiar witrh that spice, it is
the secret why Gramma's meatloaf tasted better.
The brown pipe holds the hay-wire, that keeps the plants
from leaning out too far.
The galvanized 6" pipe with mosquito netting on top is the
exhaust from the fridge. In summer I don't want it to heat
up the kitchen, so I exhaust it to the outside.
The air intake is down behind the raspberries.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Almost all absurdity of conduct arises from the imitation
of those whom we cannot resemble.
--- Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784)
There are three ways to get something done:
do it yourself, hire someone,
or forbid your kids to do it.
A two-year-old daughter was with her mother while her older
sister was being examined by a dentist. The two-year-old
kept herself busy playing with toys in the waiting room until
she noticed that her mom was resting, with her eyes closed.
With about six other patients waiting, the child toddled up
to her mother, looked her straight in the face and shook her.
"Mommy," she yelled, "wake up! This is not church!"
If you want to do something special and really crazy, go
to the Mobile Phone Throwing World Championship!
This year it is on Aug 24, so you still have plenty of time
to get to Savonlinna, Finland.
You can sign up at Here
There is a registration fee to minimize frivolous sign-ups
by people, who won't attend.
Last year a new world record wast thrown by Ere Karjalainen,
Finland. New WR is amazing 101,46 m (331.4 feets)!
Second was Jeremy Gallop from South Africa, 94,67 m (308.4 f).
2011 Champion Oskari Heinonen came third with 86,94 m (286.2f).
Winner in women's category came also from Finland,
Jonna Mattero threw 42,47 m (137.8 feet).
Even if you don't quite win, just watching competitors from
all over the world, should be a hoot!
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Angelina Davis, 18, Oklahoma City, OK
Jailed for Strangling Own Father To Death
Over Drug Money
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Angelina Davis, an 18-year-old Oklahoma dope addict
and prostitute, was jailed Thursday after she allegedly
strangled her father to death when he failed to give
her money for drugs.
According to police, an investigation was launched back
in March after two neighbors found 77-year-old Jay Davis
dead inside his tiny, dilapidated house in Oklahoma City.
Investigators say the man was found with a cord wrapped
around his neck and may have been dead for several days
before he was found by concerned neighbors.
Officers began a search for the man's daughter, Angelina
Davis after obtaining evidence and witness statements
that made her the likely suspect in the case.
According to the arrest report, Davis reportedly harassed
her father for money on a regular basis, beat him, and
told friends that she was going to kill her father if he
didn't give her money for drugs.
Davis also reportedly told a friend the place inside the
house where her father died, even though she was not at
the scene when police found the body and information
about the man's death had not been shared with her.
Davis, who is a drug addict and worked as a prostitute,
was booked into jail on a charge of murder.
Tech Support Pits
From: Angie
Re: FTP
Dear Webby
I have always used browser FTP to up and download files,
but with my new web host I can't do that any more. I was
told to get a proper, grown-up FTP program. Snobs!
I looked around and there are hundreds of them availale.
Which one would you recommend, preferably one that is
not too expensive?
Angie
Dear Angie
Best is FileZilla
You can get it free.
Yes, totally free! Not even sleazy ads on the download page.
FileZilla is just as powerful as the $100 + programs,
but in my opinion more user friendly and considerably
faster.
If your web host insists on SFTP (SECURE FTP), that is
absolutely no problem with FileZilla.
Filezilla lets you change file permissions on the server,
even for whole directory branches at a time.
Another nice feature is the ability to transfer a dozen
files simultaneously. As you can probably imagine, that
really speeds up getting work done! You can even have
multiple instances of it open, if you are working on more
than one domain.
I use FileZilla every day, and like it!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
 |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Bathtub Cleaning Made Easy
Use liquid toilet bowl cleaner in your bathtub or shower
to remove hard water stains, minerals, mildew, and soap
residue. It's stronger than bathtub cleaners and does the
job in no time.
The thicker formula makes it cling to the sides of the tub
while it dissolves the offending grime. If you use a product
with a color added (the one I use is blue) it can stain
white grout, so be careful not to put it directly on the
walls. Rinse thoroughly and do not mix with other cleaners.
Source: Heard it from a friend who restores old houses.
By Diane from Wonder Lake, IL
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Style and fashion intrude into all walks of our lives. Two fellows
who had been rivals all their lives followed different career
paths. One eventually became an Admiral in the Navy, the
other went into the Catholic Church and became a Bishop.
As fate would have it, they happened to meet at the Airport.
The Bishop spied the Admiral first and said loudly,
"Oh Porter, from what gate is the flight to Dallas leaving?"
The Admiral approached, bowed, and said
"Gate 7 Madame, but should you be traveling in your condition ?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
A chief and an admiral were sitting in the barber shop. They
were both just getting finished with their shaves--the barbers
were reaching for some aftershave to slap on their faces.
The admiral shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me!
My wife will think I've been in a house of ill repute!"
The chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and
put it on. MY wife doesn't know what the inside of a
house of ill repute smells like."
Today, July 29, in
1588 The English defeated the Spanish Armada in the Battle
of Gravelines.
1754 The first international boxing match was held. The
25-minute match was won when Jack Slack of Britain knocked
out Jean Petit from France.
1874 Major Walter Copton Winfield of England received
U.S. patent for the lawn-tennis court.
1914 The first transcontinental telephone service was
inaugurated when two people held a conversation between
New York, NY and San Francisco, CA.
1940 John Sigmund of St. Louis, MO, completed a 292-mile
swim down the Mississippi River. The swim from St. Louis to
Caruthersville, MO took him 89 hours and 48 minutes.
1957 The International Atomic Energy Agency was established.
1958 The National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA)
was authorized by the U.S. Congress.
1968 Pope Paul VI reaffirmed the Roman Catholic Church's
stance against artificial methods of birth control.
1975 OAS (Organization of American States) members voted to
lift collective sanctions against Cuba. The U.S. government
welcomed the action and announced its intention to open serious
discussions with Cuba on normalization.
1981 England's Prince Charles and Lady Diana Spencer were married.
1985 General Motors announced that Spring Hill, TN, would be
the home of the Saturn automobile assembly plant.
1993 The Israeli Supreme Court acquitted retired Ohio
autoworker John Demjanjuk of being Nazi death camp guard
"Ivan the Terrible." His death sentence was thrown out
and he was set free. Then the US deported him to Germany.
1997 Minamata Bay in Japan was declared free of mercury
40 years after contaminated food fish were blamed for
deaths and birth defects.
1998 The United Auto Workers union ended a 54-day strike
against General Motors. The strike caused $2.8 billion
in lost revenues.
2005 Astronomers announced that they had discovered
a new planet (Xena) larger than Pluto in orbit around
the sun.
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( 3.1 / 508 )
How to harvest picturs from PPS
Sunday, July 28, 2013, 08:27 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, July 28.
Today in 1866 - The metric system was legalized by the
U.S. Congress for the standardization of weights and
measures throughout the United States.
That was 147 years ago. So far only the electricians,
electronics techs and SOME scientists have switched
to the metric system. The US is unique in that. The
rest of the world has adopted the metric system long
ago.
Canada switched to the metric system shortly after I
got used to use the Imperial system, so I had to learn
it all over. Since the metric system is so much easier,
that was a breeze.
People got used to it quickly, but with some of the
units there is still some confusion as to how to
pronounce them. Is it KILOmeters, like the
Europeans say it,
or is it kilOMeters, like the Brits pronounce it,
or kiloMETERS ?
So people give it nicknames like "klicks", "k-m's",
and some call them "miles", even though they mean
kilometers. In the long run, I think "klicks" will
win out.
However, NOBODY would want to go back to that silly
British Imperial system of inches and feet and yards
and furlongs and fathoms and miles. After all, WE are
no longer a British colony!
AND, simply moving the decimal point is a lot easier.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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Eighty percent of success is showing up.
--- Woody Allen (1935 - )
As democracy is perfected, the office of the President
represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the
people. On some great and glorious day, the plain folks
of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and
the White House will be occupied by a downright fool and
complete narcissistic moron.
H.L. Mencken, The Baltimore Evening Sun, July 26, 1920
Thanks to Phil for this report:
My boss wanted a "Clean Desk" policy, so
he sent a memo saying that any paper left
on desks would be removed at night and
we would have to fill out a form to get it back.
So we left all our garbage paper on our desks
every night.
Next day, the boss had an office full of garbage,
and we never heard about the policy again.
I was in my car one day listening to a guy on the radio
help callers with their home problems. One woman called up
hysterical after finding a skunk in her basement.
"Leave a trail of breadcrumbs or cat food from your basement
to your backyard," suggested the show's host. "That'll get
rid of it."
An hour later the woman called back, even more upset. "Now
I have TWO skunks in my basement!"
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Jesse Lopez, 29, Great Falls, Montana
Began His Day By Finding Lost Wallet,
Ends His Day At Hospital
After Eating Pills From Anus
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Jesse Lopez a 29-year-old Montana man, was hospitalized
and then charged after he allegedly pulled several pills
from his buttocks and ate them.
According to Great Falls Police, Lopez was at the Great
Falls Police station to retrieve a lost wallet that someone
had turned in when officers realized that an outstanding
warrant had been issued for his arrest.
While Lopez was being processed into jail, officers found
two crack pipes in his pocket and several plastic spindles
that are commonly used to distribute narcotics.
At some point during the booking process, another inmate
told officers that Lopez was pulling pills out of his
buttocks and consuming them. A dogpile of officers were
able to retrieve 4 Hydrocodone pills from Lopez' mouth
as he attempted to swallow them.
The report did not indicate how many pills Lopez was
successful in swallowing before officers were able to react.
Officers also recovered the broken fragments of several
plastic bindles from Lopez mouth that may have contained
additional narcotics.
Lopez was reportedly rushed to a local hospital and placed
into intensive care following the incident.
He has been charged with possession with intent to distribute,
tampering with evidence and three counts of criminal possession
of drug paraphernalia.
Tech Support Pits
From: Leesa
Re: PPS
Dear Webby
I thought I'd ask you about this one about PPS files.
I love these pictures, and would like to use them as my
desktop wall paper, one at a time, of course. How can
I save them individually into my wallpaper folder?
Obviously, I can't right click 'cause the save option
isn't there.
Appreciate your help, again.
Have a wonderful day.
Leesa
Dear Leesa
If you use Microsoft powerpoint viewer, you need to have a
graphics program open. Arrange your windows so thet you can
jump back and forth between that and the powerpoint viewer.
Click it ahead to a picture, that you want to harvest.
When you see it, hold down ALT and hit PrinTScreen.
That "prints" the picture into the clipboard.
Hold ALT and hit TAB
That jumps you to your graphics program, without closing
the Powerpoint slide show.
In the graphics program hit CTRL V or EDIT, PASTE.
That opens a new picture and pastes what you had "printed"
into the clipboard.
ALT Tab will jump you back to the slide show.
Advance to the next picture, that you want, and repeat
the procedure.
If you use Open Office, it is a bit simpler.
There you see thumbnails of all the slides on the left
side. Select the one you want, right-click and select
COPY.
ALT TAB to your graphics program and paste it as a new
picture with CTRL V.
ALT Tab back to the slide show, select the next thumb nail
and so on.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Cooking Sweet Corn
Now that sweet corn is in season, a frugal way to prepare
it and save time and water is to make it in your microwave.
Use a gallon size freezer bag and place the peeled and
cleaned ears of corn inside. Six will fit easily. Add about
a half cup of water. Seal the bag three fourths closed.
Microwave on high 8-10 minutes.
It comes out perfect every time! You can wash out and reuse
the bag also.
By Cindy S.
Instead of laboriously cleaning the corn cold, I stick the
cobs with husks and all into the microwave, or at camp into
a pot of boiling water. 10 minutes either way.
Then I cut the cob at the stalk end EXACTLY at the widest
spot. Don't try to cheat! It has to be at the widest spot,
just before it narrows down to the stalk.
After that, I grab the top of the cob and squeeze. The corn
slides out of the husk nice and clean, without any silk.
Use an oven mitt or glove for the squeeze.
It sure beats cold cleaning, and the corn is juicy enough
to spray a bit, when you bite into the kernels.
Melt some butter on it, sprinkle a bit of salt and pepper,
and enjoy!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
>Frm Peter, the Australian version
HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR 2030
Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions
in the seventh largest country in the world "Little India"
formerly known as Australia .
Tasmania, Australia's southern land state, executes last
remaining Greenie.
White minorities still trying to have English recognised
as Australia's third language.
Children from two-parent heterosexual families bullied in
schools for being 'different'. Tolerance urged.
Gay Marriages now overtake heterosexual marriages as
preferred 'lifestyle' choice.
Melbourne schoolgirl expelled for not wearing Burqa:
Being a Christian is no excuse says school. Sharia
law must be enforced.
Japan announces that they will no longer consume whale
meat as whales are now extinct and the scientific research
fleet are unemployed. Australian Government has told the
Japanese that Cane Toads taste like whale meat.
Australia now has ten Universities of Political Correctness.
Professor Goldman of the Australian National University says
there is still a long way to go in the fight to stop people
saying what they think.
Australian Deficit 10 $Trillion dollars and rising.
Government declares return to surplus in 100 years which is
300 years ahead of time. Prime Minister Mohammed Yousuf
claims increased growth through more immigration is the
secret to success.
Wall Street banks merge to form new super bank,
Goldman Rothschild Ebeneezer Epstein Drescher (GREED):
Huge bonuses paid to executives to celebrate launch.
Baby conceived naturally ! Scientists stumped.
Iran still quarantined. Physicists estimate it will take
at least a hundred more years before radioactivity decreases
to safe levels.
France pleads for global help after being taken over by
Islamic Countries. No other country volunteers to come
forward to help the beleaguered nation ! Serves them right.
Castro finally dies at age 112. Cuban cigars can now be
imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned
all smoking..
Jose Manuel Rodrigez Bush says he will run for election as
US President in 2032.
Australia Post raises price of stamps to $18 and reduces
mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
After a ten year $75.8 billion study, commissioned by the
Labor Party: Scientists prove Diet and Exercise is the key
to weight loss.
Average weight of an Australian drops to 115 kgs.
Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third
consecutive year in Victoria India and New South Iraq.
Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast
shutter speed they can now photograph an Australian woman
with her mouth shut.
Senate still blocking drilling for oil in Canberra even
though petrol is selling for 5,000 Rupees per litre and
petrol stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays.
Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their
civil rights. Victims to be held partly responsible for crime.
Average height of professional basketball players is now
nine feet, seven inches.
New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers,
fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by
January 2035 as lethal weapons.
Australian Tax Office sets lowest tax rate in decades at
75 percent.
Carlton won this years National Footy final beating the
Hindu Hornets 20-11 to 13-18
Southern Asia (formerly Northern Territory ) voters still
having trouble with voting machines.
From
Peter
Australia
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
A seafood restaurant had a sign in the window that read,
"Big Lobster Tales, $5 each."
Amazed at the great value, a man stopped in and asked the
waitress, "Five dollars each for lobster tails -- is that
correct?"
"Yes," she said. "It's our special just for today."
"Well," he said, "they must be little lobster tails."
"No," she replied, "it's the really big lobster."
"Big red lobster tails, $5 each?" he said, amazed. "They
must be old lobster tails!"
"No, they're definitely today's."
"Today's big red lobster tails -- $5 each?" he repeated,
astounded.
"Yes," she insisted.
"Well, here's my five dollars," he said. "I'll take one."
She took the money and led him to a table where she invited
him to sit down. She then sat down next to him, put her hand
on his shoulder, leaned over close to him, and said, "Once
upon a time there was a really big, red lobster..."
Today, July 28, in
1821 - Peru declared its independence from Spain.
1866 - The metric system was legalized by the U.S. Congress
for the standardization of weights and measures throughout
the United States.
1868 - The Fourteenth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution
was declared in effect. The amendment guaranteed due
process of law.
1896 - The city of Miami, FL, was incorporated.
1914 - World War I officially began when Austria-Hungary
declared war on Serbia.
1932 - Federal troops forcibly dispersed the "Bonus Army"
of World War I veterans who had gathered in Washington, DC.
They were demanding money they were not scheduled to
receive until 1945.
1941 - Plans for the Pentagon were approved by the U.S.
House of Representatives.
1942 - L.A. Thatcher received a patent for a coin-operated
mailbox.The device stamped envelopes when money was inserted.
1945 - A U.S. Army bomber crashed into the 79th floor of
New York City's Empire State Building. 14 people were killed
and 26 were injured.
1951 - The Walt Disney film "Alice in Wonderland" was released.
1965 - U.S. President Johnson announced he was increasing the
number of American troops in South Vietnam
from 75,000 to 125,000.
1982 - San Francisco, CA, became the first city in the U.S.
to ban handguns.
1998 - Bell Atlantic and GTE announced $52 billion deal that
created the second-largest phone company.
1998 - Monica Lewinsky received blanket immunity from
prosecution to testify before a grand jury about her
relationship with U.S. President Clinton.
2006 - Researchers announced that two ancient reptiles had
been found off Australia. The Umoonasaurus and Opallionectes
were the first of their kind to be found in the period soon
after the Jurassic era. (That is about 150 Million years ago,
long before Noah's flood, which was from 5000 to 4500 years
ago.)
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Saturday, July 27, 2013, 12:07 PM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, July 27.
Thank you, Sig!
Thank you, Robert!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
The end of the human race will be that it will
eventually die of civilization.
--- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882)
The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from
work one day, "I have great news for you. Pretty soon we're
going to be three in this house instead of two."
The husband started glowing with happiness. He kissed
his wife and said, "Oh darling, this makes me the happiest
person in the world."
And she said, "I'm so happy you feel this way.
I was worried that you wouldn't like my mother
moving in with us."
A child was on his first visit to the country at his grandparents'
ranch and feeding the chickens fascinated him. Early one morning
he caught his first glimpse of a peacock strutting in the yard.
He rushed into the house, where his grandmother was making
breakfast and exclaimed, "Grandma, come and see!
One of the chickens is in bloom!"
Click on the picture for the large version
Ausangate mountain, Andes, Peru
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Adam St. Valle, 29, New Port Richey, Floriduh
Jailed After Knocking Girlfriend's
Teeth Out When She Caught Him Having
Sex With Another Woman
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Adam St. Valle, a 29-year-old Floriduh bonehead, was jailed
Friday after he knocked his girlfriend's teeth out because
she walked in on him having sex with another woman.
According to the Pasco County Sheriff's Office, a woman
was attacked by her boyfriend Friday when she walked in and
found him having sex with a woman she could only identify
by the name "Danielle."
Investigators say St. Valle retaliated by repeatedly punching
his girlfriend in the face until several of her teeth were
knocked out. St. Valle then allegedly held a knife to her
throat before deputies arrived on the scene.
St. Valle told deputies that the woman injured his penis,
however, deputies saw no signs of injury.
St. Valle was booked into the Pasco County Jail and charged
with aggravated battery.
He remains held in lieu of $5,000 bond.
St. Valle has a long arrest history in Pasco County which
includes multiple arrests for domestic battery, burglary,
evading law enforcement and driving on a revoked license.
Tech Support Pits
From: Elisa
Re: Jittery Moon
Dear Webby
Thanks for the trick for getting rid of the nuisance
Category Tabs in Gmail!
I tried to take a picture of the red moon in forest fire
smoke a while after dark. I used max Zoom, and wound
up with TWO overlapping crescents of the moon, as if
it was a double exposure. The sharp tips of the crescent
are definitely there twice. What causes that? I rested one
edge of the camera on the window sill to keep it steady.
How do I avoid that problem?
Elisa
Dear Elisa
You shot the picture in VERY dark conditions, not just
after dark, but through forest fire smoke. The camera kept
the shutter open long to gather enough light to show the moon,
maybe 2 - 3 seconds if you have a camera with a large lens,
much longer if it has a small lens.
During that time you jittered a bit.
Next time you try that, nestle the camera into a bag of
sugar or sand. That holds the camera much steadier than
resting one edge of it on a hard surface. Once you have the
shot lined up, hit the self-timer, stand back and don't
breathe until it has taken the picture.
The less light you have, the more careful you have to be to
avoid jitters.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
 |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Masking Tape to Keep Rugs from Slipping
I can guarantee that this works. Rugs on hard floors
stop slipping if you roll masking tape (the kind that
vehicle painters use, which can be bought at any hardware
store) at least 5 times around your hand and apply to
each corner of the rug. The tape will not damage any
tiles or even wooden flooring
By Lynne G.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Johnnie's Teacher paid a visit to his house one day. When
little Johnny opened the door, she asked
"Johnnie, are your father and mother in?"
"They was in, but they is out." he answered.
The teacher gasped, "Why, Johnnie, it is 'They
were in, they are out' Where's your grammar?"
"Downtown, but mom and dad are bailing her out."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands.
When Adam stayed out late for a few nights, Eve became
upset. "You're running around with other women," she charged.
"You're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You're the
only woman on earth."
The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be
awakened by someone poking him in the chest.
It was Eve. "What do you think you're doing?" Adam
demanded.
"Counting your ribs," said Eve.
Today, July 27, in
1214 At the Battle of Bouvines in France, Philip Augustus of
France defeated John of England.
1245 Frederick II was deposed by a council at Lyons after they
found him guilty of sacrilege.
1663 The British Parliament passed a second Navigation Act,
which required all goods bound for the colonies be sent in
British ships from British ports.
1689 Government forces defeated the Scottish Jacobites at the
Battle of Killiecrankie.
1777 The Marquis of Lafayette arrived in New England to help
the rebellious American colonists fight the British.
1778 The British and French fleets fought to a standoff in
the first Battle of Ushant.
1866 Cyrus Field successfully completed the Atlantic Cable.
It was an underwater telegraph from North America to Europe.
1909 Orville Wright set a record for the longest airplane flight.
He was testing the first Army airplane and kept it in the air
for 1 hour 12 minutes and 40 seconds.
1914 British troops invaded the streets of Dublin, Ireland,
and began to disarm Irish rebels.
1918 The Socony 200 was launched. It was the first concrete barge
and was used to carry oil.
1921 Canadian biochemist Frederick Banting and associates
announced the discovery of the hormone insulin.
1940 Bugs Bunny made his official debut in the Warner Bros.
animated cartoon "A Wild Hare."
1944 U.S. troops completed the liberation of Guam.
1953 The armistice agreement that ended the Korean War was
signed at Panmunjon, Korea.
1955 The Allied occupation of Austria ended.
I rememeber that! Meat rationing ended too, since we did
not have to feed the occupation troops any longer, and all
school kids got a hotdog. Brass bands played and church bells
rang, and speeches were made. I don't remember what they
were about, but I remember that hotdog!
1964 U.S. President Lyndon Johnson sent an additional 5,000
"advisers" to South Vietnam.
1965 In the U.S., the Federal Cigarette Labeling and
Advertising Act was signed into law. The law required health
warnings on all cigarette packages.
1967 U.S. President Johnson appointed the Kerner Commission to
assess the causes of the violence in the wake of urban rioting.
1974 The U.S. Congress asked for impeachment procedures against
President Richard Nixon.
1980 The deposed shah of Iran, Muhammad Riza Pahlavi, died in a
hospital near Cairo, Egypt.
1993 IBM's new chairman, Louis V. Gerstner, Jr., announced an
$8.9 billion plan to cut the company's costs.
1995 The Korean War Veterans Memorial was dedicated in
Washington, DC, by U.S. President Clinton and South
Korean President Kim Young-sam.
2001 The ribbon cutting ceremony was held for American Airlines
Center in Dallas, TX. The event set two new world records,
one for the 3 mile long ribbon and one for the 2,000 people
who cut it.
2003 It was reported by the BBC (British Broadcasting Corp.)
that there was no monster in Loch Ness. The investigation
used 600 separate sonar beams and satellite navigation
technology to trawl the loch. Reports of sightings of
the "Loch Ness Monster" began in the 6th century.
2006 Intel Corp introduced its Core 2 Duo microprocessors.
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Friday, July 26, 2013, 11:05 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, July 26.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Thank you, Dr Bill!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
I will never be an old man.
To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am.
--- Bernard M. Baruch (1870 - 1965)
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps
it from betting on people.
--- W. C. Fields
Three Pastors in the South were having lunch in a diner.
One said "You know, since summer started I've been having
trouble with bats in my loft and attic at church.
I've tried everything--noise, spray, cats--nothing seems to
scare them away."
Another said "Yea, me too. I've got hundreds living in
my belfry and in the narthex attic. I've even
had the place fumigated and they won't go away."
The third said, "I baptized all mine, made them members
of the church and asked for donations.
Haven't seen one back since!"
A teenager lost a contact lens while playing basketball in
his driveway. After a fruitless search, he told his mother
the lens was no where to be found.
Undaunted, she went outside and in a few minutes returned
with the lens in her hand.
"How did you manage to find it, Mom?" the teenager asked.
"We weren't looking for the same thing," she replied. "You
were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking
for $150."
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture of Stockholm:
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Aaron Little, 37, Seattle, Washington
Sex Offender Charged With Peeking Up
Woman's Skirt, Groping Her During
Church Service
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Aaron Little, a 37-year-old registered sex offender, was
jailed after he allegedly sexually assaulted a woman during
Sunday church service.
According to police, Little was sitting behind a woman
during a 9:30 a.m. church service when he lifted up the
back of her skirt and peeked at her underwear when the
congregation stood up to sing a hymn.
Although the victim didn't realize that Little was getting
a gander at her nether regions, several of the woman's
relatives did.
The woman's relatives frog marched Little to the door and
booted him out of service, however, Little ran through
another church entrance and sat down next to the woman
before her relatives returned to their seats.
That's when Little lifted up the woman's skirt a second
time and groped her.
Several congregation members dog-piled Little and held
him until police arrived on the scene.
Little was booked into the King County Jail and charged
with suspicion of rape.
---------
The bonehead needs to have his head examined!
Even if she was wearing a poodle skirt, a peek at her
undies and a quick grope was most definitely not worth
getting tenderized by a herd of relatives and yhrn the
cops, and most likely spending 5 - 10 years in jail.
Tech Support Pits
From: Alice
Re: Gmail Tabs and filters
Dear Webby,
I agree with you, those Gmail Tabbies are a bloody nuisance
for anybody, who gets a serious amount of email.
Their totally useless edict from their
"mail-noreply@google.com" frosted my buns too.
I sure appreciate it, that you showed me how to get rid of
those dumb tabbies.
Now I got a Gmail related question, that is probably
really easy for you: How do I make a filter, to keep
something out of the SPAM?
Thanks
Alice
Dear Alice
Click the little bicycle sprocket near the right top
and select Settings
In there you see a line menu at the top and another one just
below the bicycle sprocket.
In that second line menu the fifth item from the left is
Filters.
Click on that, and scroll down to the bottom,
There you see a tiny line that says Create a new filter.
It is not underlined, but is a link.
No, I don't know why they are not competent enough to show
links underlined. Maybe they want to confuse people.
Hit that not underlined link.
That gets you to a very crude filter form, well crude when
compard to MailWasher, where you just pull down the options,
and where you can use regular expressions like IF - BUT NOT,
AND, etc.
Enter the information, that you want the filter to use, into
that little filter form.
Don't let that magnifying glass tempt you into testing
your criteria. That has not worked right for years.
If you do, your carefully made filter gets trashed.
Just tell it to contine.
Then you can tell it what to do with found mails.
Usually all you use Gmail filters for is to keep good mail
OUT of the Spam folder. Gmail is pretty good at recognizing
spam, but frequently a bit too eager.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
 |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Repair a Large Screw Hole With Rope
If you have a hole that is to large for a screw, just put
a piece of natural rope into the hole. I like jute or cotton
rope the best. I tried toothpicks and wooden matches at
first, but I've since found that rope works far better
because it wraps itself around the screw so it fits
tightly into the threads!
By JLS
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
The young suitor was determined to win the heart of the woman
he wanted to marry, in spite of her rejection of his proposal.
He began what can only be called a "Campaign" and sent her a
token of his affection every day for a month to her house.
The plan was successful too -- the young lady fell in love
with the UPS man.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
The census taker knocked on an old lady's door. He asked her
several questions and she answered all of them except one.
She refused to tell him her age.
"But everyone tells their age to the census taker," he said.
"Did Miss Maisy Hill and Miss Daisy Hill tell you their ages?"
she asked stubbornly.
"Certainly," the census taker replied.
Then the lady snapped, "Well, I'm the same age as they are."
So, the census taker remarked: OK, I'll put down,
"As old as the Hills."
Today, July 26, in
1775 A postal system was established by the 2nd Continental
Congress of the United States. The first Postmaster General
was Benjamin Franklin.
1881 Thomas Edison and Patrick Kenny execute a patent
application for a facsimile telegraph
1893 Commercial production of the Addressograph started
in Chicago, IL.
1907 The Chester was launched. It was the first turbine-
propelled ship.
1945 Winston Churchill resigned as Britain's prime minister.
1948 U.S. President Truman signed executive orders that
prohibited discrimination in the U.S. armed forces and
federal employment.
1952 King Farouk I of Egypt abdicated in the wake of a
coup led by Gamal Abdel Nasser.
1953 Fidel Castro began his revolt against Fulgencio Batista
with an unsuccessful attack on an army barracks in eastern
Cuba. Castro eventually ousted Batista six years later.
1956 Egyptian President Gamal Abdel Nasser nationalized
the Suez Canal.
1971 Apollo 15 was launched from Cape Kennedy, FL.
1998 AT&T and British Telecommunications PLC announced they
were forming a joint venture to combine international
operations and develop a new Internet system.
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How to get rid of Gmail Tabs
Thursday, July 25, 2013, 10:11 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, July 25.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Hold a book in your hand and you're a pilgrim
at the gates of a new city.
--- Anne Michaels
Whoever ceases to be a student has never been a student.
--- George Iles
On my first day working at the gas station, I watched a
senior co-worker measure the level of gasoline in the under-
ground tanks by lowering a giant measuring stick down into
them.
"What would happen if I threw a lit match into the hole?"
I joked.
"It would go out," he replied very matter-of-factly.
"Really?" I asked, surprised to hear that. "Is there a
lack of oxygen down there or some safety device that would
extinguish it before the fumes ignited?"
"No," my co-worker continued. "The force from the explosion
would blow out the match."
The colonel had three Second Lieutenants eligible for
promotion. The problem was, he only had one First Lieutenant
Slot available.
The colonel called the first butter-bar into his office and said,
"This is a promotion test. If I was to tell you that I wanted a
flag pole erected in front of Post HQ by 1700, what would you
do?"
The Lt. thought about it for a second, and said, "Sir. I would
get a shovel, head for HQ and start digging . . . "
"You're not ready to be promoted," the Colonel interrupted.
The colonel asked the same question of the next candidate.
"Sir," said the next butter-bar, "I would fill out a CE work order,
making sure I made provisions for the appropriate
environmental study and . . . "
"You are definitely not ready to be promoted," the Colonel
said.
The Colonel asked the question of the final candidate.
Without hesitation, the Lieutenant said, "Sir. I would call the
First Sergeant, and say, 'Top, I want a @#$#@ flag pole
set up in front of HQ by 16:30, standing perfectly straight!"
"You're ready to be promoted," the Colonel said.
Thanks to lillemor for this picture from her garden:
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Jaaziah Herrera, 23, St Cloud, Floriduh
Cell Phone Salesman Charged With Dragging
Woman Into Back Room, Demanding
That She Date Him
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Jaaziah Herrera, a 23-year-old Florida bonehead employed
at Metro PCS in St. Cloud, was jailed after he allegedly
dragged a customer into a back room and demanded that she
start dating him.
According to police, a customer was shopping at a Metro
PCS store in St. Cloud when an employee, identified as
Jaaziah Herrera, suggested that the two of them should date.
When the woman turned down Herrera's advances, he reportedly
dragged her into a back room at the store and pinned her
down so that she was unable to get away.
That's when he reportedly told her "Look me in the eyes and
tell me you don't want me."
The victim reportedly told Herrera "No" several times,
explaining that she had a boyfriend and that he would be
looking for her.
Herrera eventually let the woman go, and she immediately
called police.
When officers arrived at the store to question Herrera, they
found a 5-foot nylon rope in his pocket.
Herrera told police that he carried the rope because he had
been practicing his knot tying skills.
He was booked into the Osceola County Jail and charged with
false imprisonment and battery.
Tech Support Pits
From: Phyllis
Re: Confusion with Gmail
Dear Webby,
Gmail has me completely confused...although being a
senior citizen may account for that ,too. They have somehow
changed their way of sending out email and when I go to
their @Welcome to the new GMail" page, I find no instructions
at all. Now I get one or 2 new emails per day, none of which
are ones I want. I'm still getting your letter on my
alternate email address, but that's not helping for my Gmail.
Any ideas?
Phyllis
Dear Phyllis
A lot of people wrote with similar questions or complaints
about Gmail.
What really frosted a lot of people was that the totally
unhelpful edict from the throne was sent by
, and they don't know where to
complain about the dopey concept.
Your address is still in the list and your newsletter is
getting sent to you every night.
Possibly you got backstabbed with the new wacky tabs, that
disorganize your Gmail inbox. Best to take the checkmarks
off those thilly tabbies and hope, that sorting by receive
date and time will return.
They don't seem to have the talent necessary for sorting by
column like the good email programs have had for over 20 years,
so they are trying to sort emails by category, without really
understanding how you take care of your emails. Instead of
leaving it sorted by date and time, they shuffle it by
category.
For example, they put all Linkedin, FaceBook, Twitter, etc.
related mails in one bunch at the top, and your electrical
bill and mail from your Sweetie and your subscriptions in
another bunch somewhere else. If somebody is just a social
butterfly and only using Gmail for playing on social
networks, that concept MIGHT make sense. For the rest of us,
it is a bloody nuisance.
Naturally, now most people miss important emails and can't
find expected mails and they are cussing about "Blonde Logic"
and wondering, what they are smoking at Gmail.
Luckily, it is easy to undo the wanky thillyness.
Look for the little gear at the right side and pull it down.
In there select "Configure Inbox".
In there, take the checkmark of all categories except PRIMARY.
Save and return to the Inbox.
You get back the extra space, that they stole off the top, and
the thilly category sorting is gone.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
 |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Garlic as Remedy for Toothache
Garlic is another remedy that works on toothache pain. I
place a sliver of garlic between the infected area of the
tooth and cheek for as long as I can stand it, because
the garlic has a peppery taste. The garlic, like cabbage,
will draw out the infection and relieve the pain and
swelling. Cloves work to numb the infected area also.
By dee53
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure
in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed.
However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed
with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over.
The officer handed him the citation, received his
signature and was about to walk away when the man
asked, "Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don't
think it's fair - there were plenty of other cars
around me who were going just as fast, so why did
*I* get the ticket?"
"Ever go fishing?" the policeman suddenly asked the man.
"Ummm, yeah..." the startled man replied.
The officer grinned and added, "Ever catch *all* the fish?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
The future father-in-law asked, "Young man, can you support
a family?"
The surprised groom-to-be replied, "Well, no. I was just
planning to support your daughter. The rest of you will have
to fend for yourselves."
Today, July 25, in
0326 Emperor Constantine refused to carry out the traditional
pagan sacrifices.
1394 Charles VI of France issued a decree for the general
expulsion of Jews from France.
1564 Maximillian II became emperor of the Holy Roman Empire.
1587 Japanese strong-man Hideyoshi banned Christianity in
Japan and ordered all Christians to leave.
1593 France's King Henry IV converted from Protestantism
to Roman Catholicism.
1759 British forces defeated a French army at Fort Niagara
in Canada.
1799 Napoleon Bonaparte defeated the Ottomans at
Aboukir, Egypt.
1845 China granted Belgium equal trading rights with Britain,
France and the United States.
1850 Gold was discovered in the Rogue River in OR.
1854 The paper collar was patented by Walter Hunt.
1866 Ulysses S. Grant was named General of the Army. He was
the first American officer to hold the rank.
1871 Seth Wheeler patented perforated wrapping paper.
1907 Korea became a protectorate of Japan.
1909 French aviator Louis Bleriot flew across the English Channel
in a monoplane. He traveled from Calais to Dover in 37 minutes.
He was the first man to fly across the channel.
1914 Russia declared that it would act to protect Serbian
sovereignty.
1924 Greece announced the deportation of 50,000 Armenians.
1941 The U.S. government froze all Japanese and Chinese assets.
1943 Italian Fascist dictator Benito Mussolini was overthrown
in a coup.
1946 The U.S. detonated an atomic bomb at Bikini Atoll in the
Pacific. It was the first underwater test of the device.
1984 Soviet cosmonaut Svetlana Savitskaya became the first
woman to walk in space. She was aboard the orbiting space
station Salyut 7.
1994 Israel and Jordan formally ended the state of war that
had existed between them since 1948.
1999 Lance Armstrong won the Tour de France. He was only the
second American to win the race.
2010 WikiLeaks leaked to the public more than 90,000 internal
reports involving the U.S.-led War in Afghanistan from 2004-2010.
2013 smiled
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Wednesday, July 24, 2013, 11:26 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, July 24.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Tammy called up the airline ticket counter and asked,
"How long are your flights from Los Angeles to Phoenix?"
The counterman answered, "Just a minute."
Tammy replied: "Wow, that's pretty fast!",
thanked him and hung up.
>From Paul:
My wife and I are inseparable.
In fact, last week it took four Mounties and a police dog
to pull us apart.
Thanks to lillemor for this picture from her garden:
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Jonathan Savas, 24, Deland, Floriduh
Charged With Sitting On Baby's Head
When Baby Refused To Go To Sleep
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Jonathan Savas, a 24-year-old Florida bonehead, has been
jailed after he allegedly sat on his baby's head because
the child wouldn't fall asleep.
According to Deland Police, Savas showed up at a female
friend's mobile home Thursday night with his 10-month-old
child while looking for a place to stay.
The baby, according to the arrest report, didn't have any
clothing on when Savas arrived.
Investigators say Savas then became angry when the baby
refused to stop crying and fall asleep. In retaliation,
Savas allegedly placed the baby on a couch and sat on his
head while the child screamed out in pain.
The female friend tried to intervene, however, Savas told
her "It's my baby, I can do what I want."
The female friend reportedly waited until Savas left her
residence to report the abuse because she was afraid he
would harm her.
When officers caught up with Savas a couple of days later,
he reportedly admitted to placing the child faced down on
the couch and then placing his leg on top of the baby to
force him to go to sleep.
Officers also recovered a hypodermic needle, baggies and
a pill container from Savas' backpack.
He was booked into jail and charged with child abuse. His
bond has been set at $50,000.
Tech Support Pits
From: -
Re: -
No Question
No answer
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
 |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Natural Ant Deterrent
My parents lived in Africa and had an infestation of army
ants. A local boy gave my mother some brilliant advice;
put ash in a ring around the house. The ants will be tricked
into thinking there is a forest fire. My mother did this in
a great panick to stop the ants swarming over me as a new
baby and, like magic, the ants disappeared! I have an
infestation in my kitchen at the moment so plan to put ash
across the threshold where they are coming in and post a
note if it does the trick on English black ants.
By fiona.me.mcintyre
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
I just came across this old tech support story. Totally
obsolete, but too good to just let it die.
Keep in mind that this is from a very long time ago,
when Windows came on a stack of floppy disks and when
a Mac's standard way of dealing with a PC floppy was to
destroy all data on it and format it.
An unfailingly polite lady called to ask for help with a
Windows installation that had gone terribly wrong.
Customer: "I brought my Windows disks from work to
install them on my home computer."
Training stresses that we are "not the Software Police,"
so I let the little act of piracy slide.
Tech Support: "Umm-hmm. What happened?"
Customer: "As I put each disk in it turns out they weren't
initialized."
Tech Support: "Oh Oh! Do you remember the message exactly,
ma'am?"
Customer: (proudly) "I wrote it down. 'This is not a
Macintosh disk. Would you like to initialize it?'"
Tech Support: "Er, what happened next?"
Customer: "After they were initialized, all the disks
appeared to be blank. And now I brought them back to work,
and I can't read them in the A: drive; the PC wants to
format them. And this is our only set of Windows disks
for the whole office. Did I do something wrong?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
After buying her kids a pet hamster, after they PROMISED
they would take care of it, Mom, as usual, ended up with
the responsibility.
One evening, exasperated, she asked them, "How many times
do you think that hamster would have died if I hadn't looked
after it?"
After a moment, her 5-year-old son replied quizzically,
"Er.... Once?"
Today, July 24, in
1847 Mormon leader Brigham Young and his followers arrived
in the valley of the Great Salt Lake in present-day Utah.
1847 Richard M. Hoe patented the rotary-type printing press.
1923 The Treaty of Lausanne, which settled the boundaries of
modern Turkey, was concluded in Switzerland.
1929 U.S. President Hoover proclaimed the Kellogg-Briand Pact,
which renounced war as an instrument of foreign policy.
1948 Soviet occupation forces in Germany blockaded West
Berlin. The U.S.-British airlift began the following day.
1969 The Apollo 11 astronauts splashed down safely in the
Pacific Ocean.
1974 The U.S. Supreme Court unanimously ruled that President
Nixon had to turn over subpoenaed White House tape recordings
to the Watergate special prosecutor.
1985 Walt Disney released their 25th full-length cartoon.
The work was "The Black Cauldron."
1987 Hulda Crooks, at 91 years of age, climbed Mt. Fuji. Hulda
became the oldest person to climb Japan’s highest peak.
2013 smiled
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Tuesday, July 23, 2013, 08:27 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, July 23.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
The future will be better tomorrow.
--- Dan Quayle (1947 - )
I never cease being dumbfounded by the unbelievable things
people believe.
--- Leo Rosten (1908 - )
When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing
a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes
out of the ground easily or breaks off, it was a valuable plant.
A man takes a photo of the front of his house to the local
copy store and asks the clerk to put it on disk for him.
He does.
They are both looking at the monitor to see the results,
and the man asks if the picture can be turned.
"Sure" says the clerk.
The man replies, "Good, I need a shot of the back of my
house also."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Sarah Maria Torres, 33, Sugar Land, TX
Charged With Having Sex With
Daughter's 14-Year-Old Ex Boyfriend
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Sarah Maria Torres, a 33-year-old Texas woman, was jailed
Tuesday after she allegedly had sex with her daughter's
14-year-old ex boyfriend.
According to Sugar Land Police, an investigation was
launched after the boy told a family member about the sexual
relationship that he had with his ex-girlfriend's mother.
Investigators say the alleged sexual relationship took place
on May 23 when the boy stayed home from school. Torres and
the boy both live on the same street.
The boy's mother reportedly provided officers with evidence
that corroborates her son's account of the relationship,
according to the arrest affidavit.
Torres was booked into the Fort Bend County Jail and charged
with sexual assault of a child.
Her bond has been set at $150,000.
Somehow, I would not be surprised if it turns out that the
boy framed her because she terminated his relationship
with her daughter.
Tech Support Pits
From: Darlene
Re: Elongated pictures
Dear Webby
Love your Humor letter especially the tech help.
You gave some advise on making things larger including
pictures, can't remember when you gave it, I followed the
instructions and things are larger. But my pictures are all
elongated and another thing happened at the same time.
When ever I hit my mouse it makes a loud click from my
desktop when I change pages. Also on my IM the sub-titles
across the top are like high lighted. What did I do wrong
and how do I go back to the way it was?
Thank you
Darlene
Dear Darlene
The reason your pictures appear elongated is probably that
you chose a setting intended for a wide aspect ratio monitor.
Right-click on the desktop,
Properties
Settings
and in there try different resolutions.
I use 1600 x 1200. That looks fine on my monitor, and
when I design a 5" x 6" ad, it measures precisely 5" x 6"
on the screen.
So, play with the resolution settings until you find one
that suits your monitor and your eyes.
If you got stuck with a sawed off (wide) monitor, they
say that eventually your eyes get used to it, as long as
you are not working with spreadsheets.
Re the mouse click, you can set that in the Control Panel,
Mouse.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
 |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Reuse Cookie and Cracker Package Trays
Don't throw out the plastic trays from cookie and cracker
bags! They work great as holders for beads or paper pieces
for your crafts, but you can also use them as mini-green
houses and flower pots.
By Angela L. from Sault Ste Marie, ON
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
What happens when you have deja vu and amnesia at the
same time?
You have the feeling that you're forgetting the same thing
all over again.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter
Paradise , God appeared and said, "I want the men to make
two lines.
One line for the men who were true heads of their household,
and the other line for the men who were dominated by their
women.
I want all the women to report to St. Peter."
Soon, the women were gone, and there were two lines of men.
The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was
100 miles long, and in the line of men who truly were heads
of their household, there was only one man.
God said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves,
I created you to be the head of your household! You have
been disobedient and have not fulfilled your purpose!
Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him."
God turned to the one man, "How did you manage to be the
only one in this line?"
The man replied, "My wife told me to stand here."
Today, July 23, in
1715 The first lighthouse in America was authorized for
construction at Little Brewster Island, Massachusetts.
1827 The first swimming school in the U.S. opened in Boston, MA.
1829 William Burt patented the typographer, which was the first
typewriter.
1877 The first municipal railroad passenger service began in
Cincinnati, Ohio.
1904 The ice cream cone was invented by Charles E. Menches
during the Louisiana Purchase Exposition in St. Louis, MO.
1914 Austria-Hungary issued an ultimatum to Serbia following
the killing of Archduke Francis Ferdinand by a Serb assassin.
The dispute led to World War I.
1945 The first passenger train observation car was placed in
service by the Chicago, Burlington and Quincy Railroad.
1952 Egyptian military officers led by Gamal Abdel Nasser
overthrew King Farouk I.
1958 The submarine Nautilus departed from Pearl Harbor, Hawaii,
under orders to conduct "Operation Sunshine." The mission
was to be the first vessel to cross the north pole by ship.
The Nautilus achieved the goal on August 3, 1958.
1962 The "Telstar" communications satellite sent the first live
TV broadcast to Europe.
1972 Eddie Merckx of Belgium won his fourth consecutive Tour de
France bicycling competition.
1972 The U.S. launched Landsat 1 (ERTS-1). It was the first
Earth-resources satellite.
1984 Miss America, Vanessa Williams, turned in her crown after
it had been discovered that nude photos of her had appeared in
"Penthouse" magazine. She was the first to resign the title.
1986 Britain's Prince Andrew married Sarah Ferguson at
Westminster Abbey in London. They divorced in 1996.
1998 U.S. scientists at the University of Hawaii turned out
more than 50 "carbon-copy" mice, with a cloning technique.
2000 Lance Armstrong won his second Tour de France.
2013 smiled
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( 2.9 / 507 )
Monday, July 22, 2013, 09:49 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, July 21.
OK, for all those who asked for a picture of me at the
waterfall, not just some silly little tree, here is one
from shortly before I did my canyon edge dance.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
The secret of all success is to know how to deny yourself.
Prove that you can control yourself, and you are an educated
man; and without this all other education is good for nothing.
--- R. D. Hitchcock
Walking is the best possible exercise.
Habituate yourself to walk very far.
--- Thomas Jefferson (1743 - 1826)
OK, OK, I AM walking every day for about an hour,
and even taking Barb's family dog for a walk.
(Barb lives a block away.)
>From Dave
I wasn't surprised when a friend of my daughter showed me a
Japanese symbol on her hip. "Please don't tell my parents,"
she begged.
"I won't," I promised. "By the way, what does that stand for?"
She replied, "Honesty."
>A real old Classic from Rex
Don't Try This At Home!
A formula for inner peace...please read completely:
I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked
for me and we all could use more calm in our lives. By
following the simple advice I heard on a Dr. Phil show,
I have finally found inner peace. On the show, Dr. Phil
proclaimed:
"The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the
things you've started."
So I looked around my house to see all the things I started
and hadn't finished and before leaving the house this morning,
I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of White Zinfandel,
a bottle of Bailey's, a bottle of Kailua, a package of Oreos,
the remainder of both Prozac and Valium prescriptions, the
rest of the cheesecake, some saltines and a box of
chocolates.
You have no idea how freaking good I feel.
Thanks to Clyde for this picture:
Click on the picture for the large version
In a river in Slovakia
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Kimberly Womach, 34, New Port Richey, Floriduh
Jailed After Driving Drunk To
McDonalds, Demanding Free Big Macs
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Kimberly Womach, a 34-year-old Florida woman, was jailed Sunday
morning when she allegedly pulled into a McDonald's drive-thru
drunk and demanded a free breakfast.
According to the Pasco County Sheriff's Office, Womach pulled
up to a McDonald's drive-thru at about 6 a.m. Sunday and
demanded that they give her two free Big Macs because she
was unsatisfied with a purchase she had received during a
previous visit.
When the staff informed her that they didn't have any
Big Macs available because they were serving breakfast,
Womach demanded two free Egg McMuffins instead.
When employees informed Womach that she wouldn't be receiving
a free breakfast and needed to leave, Womach parked her car
in the drive-thru and refused to move.
After ten minutes of arguing with Womach, store employees
called authorities who arrived on the scene a few minutes
later.
Deputies noted a heavy smell of alcohol on Womach's breath
as she informed them that her rights had been violated by
the restaurant because they wouldn't meet her demands.
After failing a field sobriety test, Womach was booked into
jail and charged with driving under the influence. She was
released later the same day after posting bond.
Tech Support Pits
From: Melody
Re: No newsletter on Gmail
Dear Webby
It has been over a week since I have received your
newspaper. Did I miss something?
Dear Melody
Your newsletter has been sent to you every night.
Check your SPAM folder.
You will probably have to make a filter to tell
Gmail to NOT put the Humor Letter into SPAM.
Just go into Settings, Filters.
Once you find the spot, it is quite easy.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
 |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Removing Face Paint with Oil
You can remove face paint or other make up with olive oil
or coconut oil. Put some oil on a cotton ball and rub on
the face paint. Use another cotton ball to wipe up the
excess paint. Finish by washing your face with soap
and water.
By Stella Bella
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Quebec Math
Thibodeau wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until
he passes a little math test. "Here's your first question,"
the foreman said. "Without using numbers, represent the
number 9."
"Witout numbers?" Thibodeau says, "Dat is easy."
And he proceeds to draw three trees.
"What's this?" the boss asks.
"Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine,"
says Thibodeau.
"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question.
Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99."
Thibodeau stares into space for a while, then picks up the
picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each
tree. "Ere you go."
The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you
get that to represent 99?"
"Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree,
and dirty tree. Dat is 99."
The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have
to hire this guy, so he says, "All right, last question. Same
rules again, but represent the number 100."
Thibodeau stares into space some more, then he picks up
the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each
tree and says, "Ere you go. One hunnerd."
The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think
that represents a hundred!"
Thibodeau leans forward and points to the marks at the base
of each tree and says, "A little doggie came along and crap
by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree
and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, dat make one hunnerd.
So, when I start?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Summer Season
Today, July 22, in
1376 The legend of the Pied Piper of Hamelin leading rats
out of town is said to have occurred on this date.
1587 A second English colony was established on Roanoke
Island off North Carolina. The colony vanished under
mysterious circumstances.
1796 Cleveland was founded by Gen. Moses Cleaveland.
1798 The USS Constitution was underway and out to sea
for the first time since being launched on October 21/1797
1812 English troops under the Duke of Wellington defeated
the French at the Battle of Salamanca in Spain.
1926 Babe Ruth caught a baseball at Mitchell Field in New
York. The ball had been dropped from an airplane flying
at 250 feet.
1937 The U.S. Senate rejected President Roosevelt's proposal
to add more justices to the Supreme Court.
1943 American forces led by Gen. George S. Patton captured
Palermo, Sicily.
1975 Confederate General Robert E. Lee had his U.S.
citizenship restored by the U.S. Congress.
1987 The U.S. began its policy of escorting re-flagged Kuwaiti
tankers up and down the Persian Gulf to protect them from
possible attack by Iran.
1998 Iran tested medium-range missile, capable of reaching
Israel or Saudi Arabia.
2000 Astronomers at the University of Arizona announced that
they had found a 17th moon orbiting Jupiter.
2003 In northern Iraq, Saddam Hussein's sons Odai and Qusai
were killed in a gunfight with U.S. forces.
2003 In Paris, France, a fire broke out near the top of the
Eiffel Tower. About 4,000 visitors were evacuated and no
injuries were reported.
2004 The September 11 commission's final report was released.
The 575-page report concluded that hijackers exploited
"deep institutional failings within our government."
2009 The longest total solar eclipse of the 21st century,
lasting up to 6 minutes and 38.8 seconds, occurred over
parts of Asia and the Pacific Ocean.
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How long should you keeo a BlackList
Sunday, July 21, 2013, 09:04 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, July 21.
By now, everyone's just about had it with the Westboro
Baptist Church, a group whose members use national tragedies
as opportunities to forward anti-gay hate speech. Ironically,
their planned protests often bring communities together in
opposition to their message.
Some of you will remember the "Pervert Alerts", where I listed
the locations, where the perverts were planning to be a
nuisance at a hero's funeral. Eventually some laws were
created, forcing the perverts to stay away from funerals.
After the ACLU forced the government to order the military
to accept gay people. After that, the Westboro Perverts
started their protest actions, making a racket at heros
funerals and screamming that IEDs were God's revenge
and they were thanking God for killing soldiers.
They were also doing their insane protests at the funerals
of miners killed in mine accidents, claiming that the mine
accidents were God's punishment for allowing gay people
into the military. I really don't give a hoot about the
gay issue, but I don't think it gives the perverts a right
to be a nuisance at a hero's funeral.
Now, an unlikely group has mounted an offensive against
the perverts.
On Sunday, July 14, the Satanic Temple, a New York-based
organization that seeks to foster "benevolence and empathy
among all people" through Satan, performed a ritual called
a "pink mass" at the Mississippi gravesite of Catherine
Idalette Johnston, mother of WBC founder Fred Phelps Jr.
The aim? To "turn" the WBC founder's mom gay for all eternity.
"Upon completion of the pink mass ceremony, Catherine Johnston
is now gay in the afterlife," notes the Satanic Temple website,
which has the cheeky URL www.westboro-baptist.com.
"Fred Phelps is obligated to believe that his mother is now gay ...
[and] if beliefs are inviolable rights, nobody has the right to
challenge our right to believe that Fred Phelps believes that
his mother is now gay."
The latter assertion appears to be a play on the WBC's own
stance that their beliefs are totally infallible.
The Pink Mass was performed twice -- once with two gay men,
and once with two lesbians -- in an affirmation of the
Satanist Temple's belief in "freedom and the pursuit of
happiness for all people." The temple is now encouraging
same-sex couples to visit the grave and perform their own
pink masses.
According to the Satanist Temple website, temple spokesman
Lucien Greaves officiated the ceremonies while wearing horned
headgear, and then proceeded to put his penis on Johnston's
grave
Even though I am neither gay nor a Satanist, I find it
hilarious that the Satanists are mocking the perverts.
More details and pictures are at Pink Mass
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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There was a definite process by which one made people into
friends, and it involved talking to them and listening to
them for hours at a time.
--- Rebecca West (1892 - 1983)
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who
mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
--- Dr. Seuss
Thanks to Martin for this story:
We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the \
"seniors's special" was two eggs, bacon, hash browns
and toast for $1.99.
"Sounds good," my wife said. "But I don't want the eggs."
Then I'll have to charge you two dollars and forty-nine cents
because you're ordering a la carte," the waitress warned
her.
"You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?" My wife
asked incredulously.
"YES!!"
"I'll take the special."
"How do you want your eggs?"
"Raw and in the shell," my wife replied.
She took the two eggs home.
After the christening of his baby brother in church, little
five-year-old Johnny sat in the back seat, unusually quiet.
Very softly he started to cry until his father noticed him
sobbing.
"What's wrong, little Johnny?" asked his father.
Between sniffles little Johnny replied, "That priest said he
wanted us brought up in a good Christian home,
but, but, but I want to stay with you guys!"
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Ashley Taylor Wright, 23, Pensacola, Floriduh
Ashley Wright To Deputy:
"You Will Have To Shoot
Through My Baby To Get To Me"
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Ashley Taylor Wright, a 23-year-old Florida woman, was jailed
Monday after she allegedly threw her baby at deputies when
they tried to arrest her for shoplifting.
According to the Okaloosa County Sheriff's Office, Wright was
at the Santa Rosa Mall in Mary Esther Monday evening when
she allegedly used a baby stroller to smuggle $260 worth of
clothing out of a Dillards department store.
When a deputy approached her out in the parking lot, she
hopped into a car and told her husband (who was the get-away
driver) to flee the scene.
When the deputy blocked the vehicle and ordered Wright to
exit the vehicle, she held up her baby and told the deputy
"You will have to shoot through the baby to get to me."
She then tossed the child, who was strapped into a baby
carrier, at the deputy's head and tried to flee the scene
on foot.
The deputy ducked and avoided getting hit by thw bay in the
baby carrier and promptly tackled the bimbo to the pavement
and placed her into custody.
Wright was booked into the Okaloosa County Jail and charged
with child abuse, petty theft and resisting an officer.
Tech Support Pits
From: Eliza
Re: How long to keep blacklist?
Dear Webby
You mentioned at one time how long to keep addresses in
the Mailwasher blacklist. I am quite happy with MailWasher,
but I noticed that the blacklist file is getting quite large, and
sooner or later that must be putting a load on my machine.
And how do you deal with spammers that keep changing
their forged sending addresses?
Eliza
Dear Eliza
MailWasher generally ignores the sender address, unless
it is in the blacklist, since most spammers forge their
sender address anyway. MailWasher checks the content
of spam.
Persistent spammers like the Bed & Bath crooks are best
dealt with a filter. It takes 20 seconds to make a filter, and
you never see mail from those crooks again.
To keep the blacklist short and fast, I age it off in two days.
By then the spammers usually change their address
anyway.
For those of you who haven't got MailWasher yet, click
on the MailWasher button in the left side menu and get
a free trial copy. If you are only getting the plain text
version, you can get the free trial at
http://webby.com/mailwasher
http://webby.com/mailwasher
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
 |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Conditioner For Shaving
Ever wonder what to use those 'conditioner' samples that
come in the mail or brands you didn't care for? Well,
wonder no more! I keep those little gems for when I
need to shave.
I find the packets difficult to open in the shower, so
just pre-open them or squeeze them all into a bottle or
jar. Much cheaper than shaving gel or foam, and much
nicer on your skin. A breeze when travelling too!
By Laurie Young F.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Two youngsters were closely examining bathroom scales on
display at the department store.
"Have you ever seen one of these before?" one asked.
"Yeah, my mom has one," the other replied.
"What's it for?"
"It's a cussing machine," the second boy answered.
"Every time she stands on it she gets really mad and starts
cussing at me or dad."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Leroy was visiting a friend in the hospital.
He was trying to stop smoking and was chewing on
an unlit cigar when he got on the elevator. A lady said to
him with a snarl, 'Sir, there's no smoking in here.'
"Leroy said, " Lady, I'm not smoking."
"But you have a cigar in your mouth!", the woman said.
"'Lady", Leroy answered, "I'm wearing Jockey shorts,
too, but I don't ride horses indoors either."
Today, July 21, in
1831 Belgium became independent as Leopold I was proclaimed
King of the Belgians.
1861 The first major battle of the U.S. Civil War began.
It was the Battle of Bull Run at Manassas Junction, VA.
The Confederates won the battle.
1925 The "Monkey Trial" ended in Dayton, TN. John T. Scopes
was convicted of violating the state law for teaching
Darwin's theory of evolution. The conviction was later
overturned.
1930 The Veterans’ Administration of the United States
was established.
1931 CBS aired the first regularly scheduled program to be
simulcast on radio and television. The show featured singer
Kate Smith, composer George Gershwin and New York City Mayor
Jimmy Walker.
1931 The Reno Race Track inaugurated the daily double
in the U.S.
1940 Lithuania, Estonia, and Latvia were annexed by the
Soviet Union.
1944 American forces landed on Guam during World War II.
1949 The U.S. Senate ratified the North Atlantic Treaty.
1954 The Geneva Conference partitioned Vietnam into
North Vietnam and South Vietnam.
1959 A U.S. District Court judge in New York City ruled that
"Lady Chatterley’s Lover" was not a dirty book.
1961 Capt. Virgil "Gus" Grissom became the second American to
rocket into a sub-orbital pattern around the Earth. He was flying
on the Liberty Bell 7.
1968 Arnold Palmer became the first golfer to make a million dollars
in career earnings after he tied for second place at the PGA
Championship.
1980 Draft registration began in the United States for 19 and
20-year-old men.
1987 Mary Hart, of "Entertainment Tonight", had her legs insured
by Lloyd’s of London for $2 million.
1997 The U.S.S. Constitution, which defended the United States
during the War of 1812, set sail under its own power for the
first time in 116 years.
2004 White House officials were briefed on the September 11
commission's final report. The 575-page report concluded that
hijackers exploited "deep institutional failings within our
government." The report was released to the public the next day.
2007 The seventh and last book of the Harry Potter series,
"Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows," was released.
2011 Space Shuttle Atlantis landed at Kennedy Space Center
in Florida. It was the last flight of NASA's space shuttle
program.
2013 smiled
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Saturday, July 20, 2013, 11:32 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, July 20.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who
mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
--- Dr. Seuss
When buying and selling are controlled by legislation,
the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.
--- P. J. O'Rourke (1947 - )
Anyone who has gumption knows what it is,
and anyone who hasn't can never know what it is.
So there is no need of defining it.
--- L. M. Montgomery (1874 - 1942)
Thanks to Cookie for this one:
LADY'S MEDICAL
During a lady's medical examination, the doctor says
"Your heart, lungs, pulse and blood pressure are all fine.
Now let me see the bit that gets you ladies into all kinds
of trouble."
The lady starts taking off her underwear but is interrupted
by the doctor.
"No! No! Don't remove your panties.
Just stick out your tongue!"
The Secrets To Successful Candle Making
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Candles At Home. Learn All The Ins-and-outs Of Working
With Soy, Beeswax, Gel, And More! - Years Of Research
Invested In This Book Will Benefit Both The Beginner
And The Expert. Includes books on selling candles
on eBay and at fairs.
Get
The Secrets To Successful Candle Making now!
The shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand-new business
much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge
sign which read BEST DEALS.
He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his
right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign,
reading LOWEST PRICES.
The shopkeeper was panicked, until he got an idea.
He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop. It read:
MAIN ENTRANCE.
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Miaya Ramirez, 31 and hubby Saint Ramirez, 23
in Gering, Nebraska
Couple jailed For Post-Wedding Sex In Park
Reported by The Smoking Gun
JULY 18--A couple who this week celebrated their wedding by
having sex in public view at a Nebraska park will be spending
their honeymoon in separate jail cells after they pleaded
guilty yesterday to indecent exposure.
Police arrested Saint Ramirez, 23, and his bride Miaya, 31,
after being summoned to the Oregon Trail Park by a trio of
teenagers who reported spotting the duo having sex near
“a big pine tree” around 8 PM.
When a Gering Police Department officer drove his cruiser
up to the tree, he saw “Miaya had her pants off and her
buttocks exposed. Miaya was moving in an up and down motion
on Saint,” according to a probable cause affidavit.
“Saint had his pants pulled down to approximately his ankles,”
added Officer Michael Modec.
While the patrolman loudly advised them to stop, Saint and
Miaya continued to have sex. The pair eventually complied and
got dressed, laughing as they put their pants back on.
The pair was trysting near a playground and the park swimming
pool, and “numerous children” were in the immediate area,
Modec reported.
Asked by the cop what they were doing, “Saint stated they
were having sex and had just gotten married.”
The newlyweds, pictured in the above mug shots, were in the
park with friends and family, including Miaya’s five-year-old
daughter (apparently as part of an al fresco wedding reception).
After pleading guilty yesterday to public indecency, a
misdemeanor,
Mr. and Mrs. Ramirez were each sentenced to 30 days in jail.
Tech Support Pits
From: Kim
Re: Yahoo email problem
Dear Webby,
i have not received a humor letter for a long time now....
what happened?
Kim
Dear Kim
I can't do more than sending it out to you.
Yahoo usually drops it. There is nothing I can do about
Yahoo's problems.
Just get a respectable address on the side, like a Gmail
address, or an address based on your ISP.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
 |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Conditioner For Shaving
Ever wonder what to use those 'conditioner' samples that
come in the mail or brands you didn't care for? Well,
wonder no more! I keep those little gems for when I
need to shave.
I find the packets difficult to open in the shower, so
just pre-open them or squeeze them all into a bottle or
jar. Much cheaper than shaving gel or foam, and much
nicer on your skin. A breeze when travelling too!
By Laurie Young F.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Keli was having trouble with her computer. So she called
Paul, the eight year old kid next door, over to her jouse.
Paul clicked a couple buttons and solved the problem. As
he was walking away, Keli called after him,
"So, what was wrong?"
And Paul replied, "It was an ID Ten T Error."
A puzzled expression ran riot over Keli's face.
"An ID Ten T Error? What's that ... in case I need
to fix it again??"
Paul gave her a grin...
"Haven't you ever heard of an ID Ten T Error before?"
"No," replied Keli.
"Write it down," Paul said, "and I think you'll figure
it out."
She wrote: I D 1 0 T
Keli USED TO like the little jerk before that.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
A very elderly gentleman, (mid nineties) very well dressed,
hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel,
smelling slightly of a good after shave, presenting a well
looked-after image, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge.
Seated at the bar is an elderly looking lady, in her mid
eighties.
The gentleman walks over, sits alongside of her, orders
a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says,
"Plese tell me, do I come here often?"
Today, July 20, in
1801 A 1,235 pound cheese ball was pressed at the farm of
Elisha Brown, Jr. The ball of cheese was later loaded on a
horse-driven wagon and presented to U.S. President Thomas
Jefferson at the White House.
1810 Colombia declared independence from Spain.
1868 Legislation that ordered U.S. tax stamps to be placed
on all cigarette packs was passed.
1871 British Columbia joined Confederation as a Canadian
province.
1881 Sioux Indian leader Sitting Bull, a fugitive since the
Battle of the Little Big Horn, surrendered to federal
troops. (Montana)
1908 In the United States, the Sullivan Ordinance bars women
from smoking in public facilities.
1917 The draft lottery in World War I went into operation.
1942 The first detachment of the Women's Army Auxiliary Corps
began basic training at Fort Des Moines, Iowa.
1944 An attempt by a group of German officials to assassinate
Hitler failed. The bomb exploded at Hitler's Rastenburg
headquarters. Hitler was only wounded.
1944 U.S. President Roosevelt was nominated for an
unprecedented fourth term of office at the Democratic
National Convention in Chicago.
1969 Apollo 11 astronauts Neil Armstrong and Edwin E.
Aldrin, Jr. became the first men to walk on the moon.
1974 Turkish forces invaded Cyprus.
1976 America's Viking I robot spacecraft made a successful
landing on Mars.
1982 U.S. President Ronald Reagan pulled the U.S. out of
comprehensive test ban negotiations indefinitely.
1985 Treasure hunters began raising $400 million in coins and
silver from the Spanish galleon "Nuestra Senora de Atocha."
The ship sank in 1622 40 miles of the coast of Key West, FL.
1992 Vaclav Havel, the playwright who led the Velvet Revolution
against communism, stepped down as president of Czechoslovakia.
1998 Russia won a $11.2 billion loan from the International
Monetary Fund to help avert the devaluation of its currency.
2003 In India, elephants used for commercial work began wearing
reflectors to avoid being hit by cars during night work
2013 smiled
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