Dear Webby, What is Twitter, and how safe is it? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  February 24, 2009


You are not a product of your surroundings. You are a product of your own perceptions! --- Socratex I would rather live and love where death is king than have eternal life where love is not --- Robert G. Ingersoll Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper. ---Scottish Proverb Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't, they'd be married too. --- H. L. Mencken
A perfectionist teacher demands the very best of all of her pupils. So it is only to be expected that she would get furious when one little fellow hands in a sloppily done homework paper. "This is the worst essay it has been my misfortune to read," the woman says through clenched teeth. "It has so many mistakes. I can't understand how one person could have made all these mistakes." "It wasn't just one person," the boy replies defensively. "My mom helped me."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Linda doing the bench press
A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity; looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. Driving his partner nuts. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!" The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot." "Forget it, man! You don't stand a chance of hitting her from here!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Tom Mattice, Indianapolis WWII headline creates flap at VA hospital INDIANAPOLIS (UPI) -- The director of a VA hospital in Indiana has offended some veterans by removing a framed newspaper with the headline "Japs Surrender." The framed front page of the Indianapolis Times had been hanging at the Roudebush Veterans Affairs Medical Center for more than 60 years. Director Tom Mattice said he decided to take it down after a new employee complained about the display of an ethnic slur from World War II, the Indianapolis Star reported Wednesday. Ronald "Bud" Albright, who commands a Marine Corps League chapter, has launched a campaign to get the newspaper back on the wall. He hopes veterans from around the country will write to complain. "We feel it's a slap in the face of the U.S. military," he said. "That newspaper is history, part of United States history." ------------- When you read "Japs win soccer game" it's an innocuous abbreviation, but on an authentic newspaper announcing the end of WWII, it's a "racial slur" ? Sounds more like Mattice got a private Million Dollar + offer for that paper.
Latest news reports advise that a cell of 4 terrorists has been operating in Merseyside, Liverpool. Police advised earlier today that 3 of the 4 have been detained. The Merseyside Regional Police Commissioner stated that the terrorists Bin Sleepin, Bin Drinkin and Bin Fightin have been arrested on welfare fraud issues. The Police advise further that they can find no one fitting the description of the fourth cell member, Bin Workin, in the area. Police are confident that anyone who looks like he's Bin Workin will be very easy to spot in their community.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Vicky Re: What is Twitter? Dear Webby, I read so many mentions about Twitter these days and I am wondering what it is and if it is safe. Vicky Dear Vicky Twitter is like the very early IRC chats in the early 80's, but with mug shots and a 140 character per message limit. If you choose to "follow" somebody, then every time they send a message, you see it in your Twitter page. Some people make it a game similar to FaceBook and try to get as many people as possible to "follow" them. That doesn't mean that all or any of thir followers actually read their posts. If they just focus on collecting followers, chances are that their followers are just as bland and shallow. Every now and then you have to weed out the people whom YOU follow. That's easy enough to do. A single click and they are gone. The same happens to you. If you don't contribute anything worth reading, people will stop following you. As far as safety is concerned, I don't see any problem with Twitter. It is limited to 140 characters of plain text, and you just follow people interested in the same stuff you are interested in. Twitter is a good way to meet people in a very casual way. If somebody turns out to be worth it, you can send them your email address or Skype handle in a private message. You can sign up free at http://twitter.com. It is easy, but most of the short names are already in use. You might have to try for a while until you come up with a user name that is not already in use. It is a good idea to limit your time on Twitter, and show up at the same hour when you do go onto Twitter. That way you accumulate friend with the same convenience time zone, instead o having them spread over the whole day. Have FUN! DearWebby
Nancy stormed up to the front desk of the library and said, "I have a complaint!" "Yes, ma'am?" "I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!" "What was wrong with it?" asked the librarian. "It had way too many characters and there was no plot whatsoever!" The librarian nodded and said, "Ahh. You must be the person who took our phone book!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090201@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Memory Aid: Tie a Ribbon Around Your Wrist If you have a problem remembering something, tie a ribbon around your wrist and write down what you are trying to remember. Then when you look on your wrist, there it is plain as day! Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

In the washroom in the airport I saw this handwritten sign posted over one of those hot air hand dryers: "Please push button and listen for a short message from our new President."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Brazilian Carnival
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby, I need a program for sorting 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  February 23, 2009


From what we get,we can make a living: what we give, however makes a life. --- Arthur Ashe
At a golf course, four men approached the sixteenth tee. The straight fairway ran along a road and bike path fenced off on the left. The first golfer teed off and hooked the ball in that direction. But the ball went over the fence and bounced off the bike path onto the road, where it hit the tire of a moving bus and was knocked back on to the fairway. As they all stood in silent amazement, one man finally asked him, "How on earth did you do that?" He shrugged his shoulders and said, "You have to know the bus schedule."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Eye Contact
Thanks to Lillemor for this: When I was younger I hated going to weddings. All my aunts and other grandmotherly types used to come up to me, poke me in the ribs and cackle, telling me, "YOU'RE NEXT". They stopped that stuff after I started doing the same at funerals.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Thomas Kohler, 21, in Siegburg, Germany Police nab trouserless crook A German robber was caught after he escaped with his loot - but left his trousers behind. Thomas Kohler, 21, punched taxi driver Daniel Eiffel, 53, in the face and tried to run off with his mobile phone at Siegburg, near Cologne. But as he turned to flee the cabbie grabbed his loose fitting trousers - which were torn free as he fled. Mr Eiffel said: "My natural reaction as he tried to make off with my phone was to grab for him but I could only reach his trousers. He kept struggling and managed to wriggle out of them and run off half-naked." Mr Eiffel called police on a phone he borrowed from a passer-by and gave them a description of the trouserless crook. "I didn't think the police would have a hard job catching a man running round the city in his underwear," he said. Police successfully arrested the thief at a train station trying to board a train in his underpants.
Lissa went to see a psychiatrist about her husband (he wouldn't go with her). "Doctor, my husband, Kurt, has this problem. Almost every night now he's dreaming he's a refrigerator!" "My dear, that is not really a problem! A lot of people dream that they are somebody or something unusual..." Lissa leans forward as she softly whispers this confidence: "But you see doctor it is also a problem for me! Kurt sleeps with his mouth open and his little light keeps me awake!"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Monique Re: Program for sorting Dear Webby, May I say first of all that I thoroughly enjoy reading your mails - I appreciate all your hard work! My question is: I need a program that will alphabetize things. I am a person who likes her lists, from recipes to my Google group member lists- it would really help to have them in A-Z order. Do you know of any such program please? My very best wishes from across the pond, Monique :) Dear Monique Any spreadsheet program like Calc, Quattro, Excel, etc. will do that nicely. In a spreadsheet you have rows and columns, and you can sort the entire sheet by whichever column you want. If your columns are Topic | Subtitle | Description | Date | URL/Link | Details hen you can tell it to sort by for example: Date then Topic then Subtitle and in the blink of an eye, it will have shuffled the sheet around to that sort order. You can even do a search and let it find a key word. When done, you can even save it as an HTML file and upload it to the web, or leave it in spreadsheet format. Do I need to mention pretty graphs ? Whenever there are dates or numbers involved in at least one column, spreadsheets will plot colorful graphs for you. Even though I have been a fan of Quattro since the 80's, the one I recommend currently is Calc in Open Office. It is free, and the future definitely is in Open Office. The link to Open Office is in my toolbox. Have FUN! DearWebby
Our business professor was lecturing about different ways to bill customers. He asked, "Who can give me an example of a system where you are billed before you actually receive your goods?" One student piped up, "Tuition!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090201@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Wire Hanger Trellis Make Hamburger Patties for the Freezer Form patties, less than 1 inch thick and set them on wax paper and place them on a cookie sheet. Freeze for about an hour or until the patties have set. Then stack up the patties and wax paper, and store in an air tight container or freezer bag. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The teacher asked little Johnny if he knows his numbers. He said, "Yes, I do. My father taught me." "Good. What comes after three?" asked the teacher. "Four," says little Johnny. "What comes after six?" "Seven." "Very good," says the teacher. "Your dad did a good job. What comes after ten?" Little Johnny smiles and says, "A jack."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Greatest Statues
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Wallpaper and icons switched to earlier setting 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  February 22, 2009


Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do. --- Dale Carnegie
When a guy's printer began to grow faint, he called a local repair shop where a friendly man informed him that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned. Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he told him he might be better off reading the printer's manual and trying the job himself. Pleasantly surprised by his candor, he asked, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?" "Actually, it is my boss's idea," the employee replied sheepishly. "We usually make a LOT more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults

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Clueless "rescuers". Ropes and cranes are NOT the answer! The horse is standing on something, and has a dirty mouth from showing you how to scrape dirt into the hole. Just get a shovel, and put dirt into the hole. The horse will trample it down and step up a bit with each shovel full of dirt. Soon the dirt will be high enough, that it can jump out on it's own.
"How long have you been driving without a tail light?" asked the policeman after pulling over a motorist. The driver jumped out, ran to the rear of his car, and gave a long, painful groan. He seemed so upset that the cop was moved to ease up on him a bit. "Come on, now," he said, "you don't have to take it so hard. It's not that serious." "It isn't?" cried the motorist. "All the beer is in the boat on my trailer!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Barbara Joly, 68. of Middletown, Ohio 'Granny Robber' gets 3 years for bank robberies 'Granny Robber' gets 3 years for bank robberies; faces up to 15 years more THE ASSOCIATED PRESS HAMILTON, Ohio - A retired bank teller who became known as the "Granny Robber" for a string of bank robberies in southwest Ohio has been sentenced to three years in prison. Sixty-eight-year-old Barbara Joly of Middletown was sentenced Wednesday in Butler County Common Pleas Court. She pleaded guilty in December and could have been sentenced to up to five years in prison. Joly also has pleaded guilty to three counts of bank robbery in neighbouring Warren County. She faces a sentence of up to 15 years in prison on those counts when she goes before a judge Feb. 20. Joly's lawyer has said the robberies were an attempt to continue supporting a grown son who had fallen on hard times.
Two city swingers were walking in the country when one of them spotted a bug walking across the road. "What kind of bug is that?" he asked his companion. The companion leaned over and looked at the bug. "It's a Lady bug." The first man looked at the bug again, then at his friend, and said: "Man, you sure got good eyes."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Beneda Re: Wallpaper and icons switched to earlier setting Dear Webby, Your letter is the first thing I read in my email. I get my laugh for the day with the jokes and learn something every day from people you help with the tech problems. I am hoping you can help me. I don't know what happened but I can no longer access help and support or get into updates or system restore. I run Register Mechanic, SpyBot,Mail Washer, and I just subscribed to a new Norton virus program that I run every week also. I have used Norton for years so nothing has changed there. My icons have been rearranged on my desktop and the wallpaper changed to one I used a long time ago. I am frustrated. Thank you so much for any help. Beneda Dear Beneda Sounds like one of the Norton quirks, or Norton let some Trojan though, which is just as bad. I don't use Norton, but I have heard about that. There is nothing else that I know of, which will change icons and wallpaper to an earlier setting and block help. You will have to call Norton support about that. Have FUN! DearWebby
A missionary heard about a native who had five wives. He paid a visit to the native's hut, and sure enough there were five wives. The two men sat outside the hut and talked. The missionery said "You are violating a law of God. Man can only have one wife, so you must go and tell four of those women that they can no longer live here or consider you their husband." The native thought a few moments, then said, "I'll wait here. You tell 'em."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090201@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Wire Hanger Trellis You can make a small trellis out of a wire hanger. Straighten the hanger's hook and then bend the remaining hanger into whatever shape you want your trellis to be. Then stick the straighten hook into the dirt and you have a wire trellis for potted plants. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. Italians drink lots of wine and have fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans On the other hand, the Finns drink very little wine, and also have fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans Conclusion: Eat what you like. It's speaking English that kills you.
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Wildlife Photos
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: POP email program comparison 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  February 21, 2009


The principal mark of genius is not perfection but originality, the opening of new frontiers. --- Arthur Koestler The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain. --- Dolly Parton
His wife phoned Abe in the office and said: "Darling, come home early, we are going to have my mother for dinner." "Good" replied Abe, "make sure she's well boiled."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults

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The plane was only half-full. When an attractive young woman asked if the seat next to mine was free, my male ego soared. Soon we were chatting pleasantly, and she told me it was her first flight. "Mom said to sit next to someone I thought I could trust," she confessed nervously. "And you look just like my dad."
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Fan in Quingdao, China Chinese mistress contest takes tragic turn BEIJING, China (CNN) -- A married Chinese businessman who could no longer afford five mistresses held a competition to decide which one to keep. But the contest took a fatal turn when one of the women, eliminated for her looks, drove the man and the four other competitors off a cliff, Chinese media reported. The spurned mistress died and the other passengers were injured, the reports said. The women knew of one another, but none elected to break up with the man and give up their rent-free apartment and a 5,000 yuan ($730) monthly allowance, the reports said. Fan shut down his company after the crash and paid Yu's parents 580,000 yuan ($84,744) as compensation for her death. The four other women left him, as did his wife when she learned of the affairs. http://snipurl.com/cch26
When Lisa noticed a broken vise grip in the trash can, she decided to buy her husband a new one for his birthday. She went to the hardware store and asked the salesman, "Do you have any heavy-duty vises?" "Sorry, ma'am," he replied. "I gave them all up for Lent."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Richard Re: Thunderbird Dear Webby, as you can see from this email, Thunderbird doesn't work with the CTRL R approach. It just creates a reply email without inserting any of the original email. I tried it with both highlighted text and no highlighted text. I'm not complaining but I just thought that you would like to know. ***************** Richard Dear Richard Yes, Thunderbird is rather basic and crude. I tried it once. However, since I am spoiled with Eudora, that trial was very brief. There is a good comparison of POP email programs at POP email program comparison Have FUN! DearWebby
The young construction worker was boasting that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of his older co-workers. Finally, the old guy decided he'd had enough and said to the youngster, "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is? I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back." "You're on, old man," the braggart said. "Let's see you do your stuff!" The old man reached out and grabbed a wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090201@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Painting Above Your Head When you need to paint above your head and don't want paint drips fall on the floor or on your face, cut a slit in a paper plate and put your paint brush handle through it. The plate will catch the drips. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The passenger tapped the cab driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the sidewalk, and stopped centimeters from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mister, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said he didn't realize that a polite little tap on the shoulder could scare him so much. The driver replied, "You're right. I'm sorry it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years".
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Grand Canyons
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Quote part of received mail in reply 



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Good Morning,  !

An American lands at Paris CDG airport. 
At the checkpoint, the  immigration officer asks him: 
"Occupation? "

He promptly replies: "No, no, just visiting this time!"


A little boy was afraid of the dark. One night his mother told him to go out to the back porch and bring her the broom. The little boy turned to his mother and said, "Mama, I don't want to go out there. It's dark." The mother smiled reassuringly at her son. "You don't have to be afraid of the dark," she explained. "Jesus is out there. He'll look after you and protect you." The little boy looked at his mother real hard and asked, "Are you sure He's out there?" "Yes, I'm sure. He is everywhere, and He is always ready to help you when you need Him," she said. The little boy thought about that for a minute and then went to the back door and cracked it a little. Peering out into the darkness, he called, "Jesus? If you're out there, would you please hand me the broom?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults

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Thanks to martin for sending these pictures that his son took yesterday. Click on the pictures for full size
A New Yorker was being shown around the back country of Louisiana by his cousin. "Is it true that an alligator won't attack you if you carry a flashlight?" he asked. The cousin smirked, "Depends on how fast ya carry it."
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Irish traffic police Sent in by Arturas You're in big trouble now, Mr. Drivers License! Thu Feb 19, 2009 DUBLIN (Reuters) - Irish police have solved the mystery of a Polish recidivist who clocked up 50 traffic offenses on different addresses and who was never caught, after one officer noticed his name meant "driving license" in Polish. An internal police memo cited by Irish papers Thursday said officers taking details of Polish traffic offenders had been mistakenly using "Prawo Jazdy," printed in the top corner of the driving license, as the holder's name. "Prawo Jazdy is actually the Polish for driving license and not the first and surname on the license," the police memo said. "It is quite embarrassing to see the system has created Prawo Jazdy as a person with over 50 identities." http://snipurl.com/ca0rj [news_bbc_co_uk]
While my son was on board the Navy carrier USS GEORGE WASHINGTON, the air wing was busy with training missions. After talking to a pilot, one air-traffic controller accidentally left his microphone on and remarked to a nearby buddy, "That guy sounded just like Elmer Fudd." The airwaves got strangely quiet as everyone listened, realizing that the pilot had also heard the comment. After about ten seconds, the pilot broke the silence by announcing, "Be vewy, vewy quiet. We awe hunting submawenes."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: June Re: Quote part of received mail in reply Dear Webby. Now......how do I correct this and have the previous correspondence go out with my e-mail without my having to cut and paste????? Thanks in advance. June Dear June To "quote" the mail that you are responding to, I hit CTRL R To "quote" just part of it, like I did here, I highlight that part and THEN hit CTRL R. That's how it is done in Eudora since the start of the Internet. Almost all email programs copied that, but AOL might be "special". However, you might have an option in the settings about how it should treat quoted text. Have FUN! DearWebby
In America the late night news used to broadcast this message: "It's 11 o'clock. Do you know where your children are? In Canada they say: "It's 11 o'clock. Do you kow where the beer is?" In England they say: "Its 11 o'clock. Do you know where your wife is? In France they say "It's 11o'clock. Do you know where your husband is?" In Afghanistan they say:" Its 11 o'clock do you know what time it is...?"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090201@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cut Plastic Wrap In Half One way to save money on plastic wrap is to cut a roll in half. Then you have two narrow rolls that work great for small items like brownies and cookies. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A 6 year old was overheard reciting the Lord's Prayer at a church service, "And give us our bus passes, as we forgive those who gas pass against us."
Re yesterday's Bonus link: Dear Webby: I was fascinated with today's bonus link sent by Dianne. Among the flowers, I almost jumped out of my skin when I saw the Kadupal Flower, originally from Sri Lanka. A friend of mine had sold her house, and she always told me that she had a plant she wanted me to have. In Argentina they call it Lady of the Night (Dama de la Noche). Well, as I felt very sorry to uproot the plant, which would have needed to be done by a professional gardener so as not to break the roots, plus transporting it home, I told my friend that she should leave it, and that I would go round an cut a few branches, plant them, and hope to God they would grow at home. The plant had a special meaning to my friend, as it was given to her by her ex-mother in law, whom she really liked. So I planted the 3 or four pieces I brought home, in September 2008. Late December, one of the new plants gave me a flower! And during the first week or so of January, I was given 4 more by the rest of them !!!! Talk about a gift from God! I was as anxious to see the flower open slowly as watching a child being born! It started opening around 10 p.m., and by midnight it was fully open. The perfume is exquisite, the outer petals are pink, and the inner ones are mother-of-pearl white. Glorious to watch, and I spied it with a flashlight, in case electric light bothered it. So thank you Dianne and thanks for sending it in your daily letter, Webby! Have fun Manin Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Fancy Shacks
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Incredimail not sending out 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  February 19, 2009

The cure for writer's cramp is writer's block. --- Inigo DeLeon Advice is probably the only free thing which people won't take. --- Lothar Kaul
Ice Fishing Tips When smoking a fish, don't inhale. A hot rock placed in your sleeping bag will keep your feet warm. Hot enchiladas or pizzas do NOT work. After they permanently melt into your sleeping bag, you will have a permanent cold spot in that location. If you set up a tent to be sheltered from the wind while ice-fishing, do NOT sleep in THAT tent. Somebody will get up at night and step into the hole. Extracting a foot with a sprained ankle firmly wedged into the hole in the ice tends to cause foul language. That scares the fish away. If a family member has borrowed your ice auger to drill a fence post hole, it is a good idea to mark and identify that auger with a hack-saw by cutting it into little bitty pieces. That is best done cool and calm, before you carry it up to that mountain lake. Salmon eggs in little pouches made from old pantyhose work better for ice fishing than any other bait or lure, and if you don't get permission to use some bits of pantyhose, remember that salmon eggs are just deluxe caviar at one tenth the cost, and are great with devilled eggs.
There is this American tourist on a trip around Ireland. When the tour arrives at Belfast he decides to go for a stroll with the aim of taking in this new culture. After he's been walking for a while someone rushes up behind him and sticks a gun in his back. The person says to the tourist, "What are you, Catholic or Protestant?" The American thinks to himself "Great -- if I say I'm Catholic, this guy is sure to be Protestant. If I say I'm Protestant, he's sure to be Catholic. Either way I'm dead." Then he has a brain wave and says to the guy, "Actually I'm Jewish." This, he thinks to himself, will surely keep him safe. The guy behind him then replies, "Gee, I must be the luckiest Arab in Ireland."
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Charlie was a regular visitor at the racetrack. One afternoon he noticed an unusual site. Right before the first race, a Catholic Priest visited one of the horses in the stable area and gave it a blessing. Charlie watched the horse race very carefully, and, sure enough, the blessed horse came in first! Charlie followed the Priest before the next race. Again, the Priest went to the stables and blessed another horse. Charlie quickly put two dollars on that horse and won close to fifty bucks! The Priest kept blessing horses and Charlie kept betting on them and they won! The last race of the day was the biggest and Charlie saw the Priest with that horse, also! He quickly went to his bank and withdrew his life's savings of $20,000, went back to the racetrack and put it all on that horse! He watched the race in certain anticipation of leaving a millionaire! The horse was last to cross the line and Charlie was dead broke! He couldn't believe what happened so he went looking for the Priest. He found the man and asked, "What happened to that last horse you blessed? Because your blessing didn't work, I've lost all of my money!" The Priest said, "That's the trouble with you Protestants. You can't tell the difference between a blessing and the Last Rites!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 14-year-old Wauwatosa. Wisconsin girl Wisconsin girl, 14, nabbed after refusing to stop messaging FEBRUARY 17--A 14-year-old Wisconsin girl who refused to stop texting during a high school math class was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct, according to police. The teenager was busted last Wednesday at Wauwatosa East High School after she ignored a teacher's demand that she cease texting. The girl initially denied having a phone when confronted by a school security officer. However, the phone was located after the girl was frisked by a female cop. The Samsung Cricket, the police report noted, was recovered "from the buttocks area" of the teenager. The student was issued a criminal citation for disorderly conduct, which carried "a bail of $298," and had her phone confiscated. The girl, who was barred from school property for a week, is scheduled for an April 20 court appearance on the misdemeanor rap. http://snipurl.com/c6a9y
A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer, "No, ma'am, we haven't had any for quite some time now, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting any more." Alarmed by what was being said, the manager rushed over to the customer who was walking out the door and said, "That isn't true, ma'am. Of course, we'll have some soon. In fact, I personally placed an order for them just a couple of days ago." Then the manager drew the clerk aside and growled, "Never, never, never, never say we don't have something. If we don't have it, say we ordered it and it's on its way. Now, what was it she asked if we had any?" "Poisonous piders in the fruit department"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Larry Re: Incredimail not sending Dear Webby. I have a problem sending out email. I have incredimail. It lets incoming mail in, but can't send any out. This started happening when I got high speed interneet. Incredimail says that I need to go to my firewall and uncheck it and add incredimail. I'm having trouble finding and adding incredimail. Can you help me in this matter. Thank you Larry Dear Larry Don't expect usable info from Incredimail support. Your firewall settings regarding email don't change when you switch fom dial-up to DSL. Most likely you just have to change the SMTP server name over to the one of your new DSL ISP. Same as when you travel, you have to always put in the SMTP server name that you use at the time. Your DSL provider should have that listed on their site, or you can call them. Have FUN! DearWebby
During a county-wide drive to round up all unlicensed dogs, a patrolman signaled a car to pull over to the curb. When Bubba asked why he had been stopped, the officer pointed to the big dog sitting on the seat beside him. "Does your dog have a license?" he asked. "No way," Bubba said, "Ol' Blue don't need none. He's getting too shortsighted fer doin' the drivin'."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090201@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Water With Mulch Mulch around plants with grass clippings, compost, straw or ground bark. Mulch will hold moisture in the soil and reduce evaporation. Over time, mulching will increase your soil's water holding capacity. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Schwartz and Feldman, partners in the garment industry, had just suffered through their worst season ever. 8,000 Madras sports coats were hanging on racks in their warehouse, unsold, and bankruptcy was looming closer each day. Out of the blue, in walks a buyer from Australia. "G'day," he begins, "you blokes wouldn't happen to have any Madras sports coats, would you? I've been looking for them everywhere." Schwartz says he MIGHT have a few left, he'd have to check the warehouse. Well, to make a long story short, before long a deal was struck to ship all 8,000 coats to Australia at a handsome profit. But before he left, the Australian buyer says, "There is just one thing. For an order this large, I'll have to get confirmation from my home office in Sydney. I don't anticipate any problems, though, so unless you hear from me by Friday, plan on shipping the coats as we agreed." Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday passed slowly, with both partners nervously wondering if the Australians would cancel their order and ruin the business. Friday arrives. The morning passes without incident. The afternoon drags on, but finally the partners allow themselves a little hope as they begin to close up shop late in the day. Five minutes before closing, however, the door opens and a messenger arrives, shouting, "Telegram!" The partners froze. In a cold sweat and trembling, Feldman takes the telegram and opens it. Fearing the worst, his eyes slowly scan the words ... then his face lights up and with a beaming smile he shouts, "Schwartz! GREAT NEWS! It's just your wife! A heart attack she had!"
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Most expensive flowers
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Dear Webby: Firefox problems 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  February 18, 2009

So far Obama has cost US tax payers and their descendants four times as much as the Chernobyl disaster has cost the Ukrainian taxpayers. ---
The preacher, in his Sunday sermon, used "Forgive Your Enemies" as his subject. After a long sermon, he asked how many were willing to forgive their enemies. About half held up their hands. Not satisfied, he continued on for another twenty minutes, repeating his question. This time he received a response of eighty percent. Still unsatisfied, he lectured for fifteen more minutes and repeated his question. With thoughts of Sunday dinner, all responded except one older gentleman in the rear. "Mr. Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?" "I don't have any," replied Mr. Jones. "Mr. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?" "Eighty six," was the reply. "Mr. Jones, please come down in front and tell the congregation how a man can live to eighty six and not have an enemy in the world." The old man teetered down the aisle and slowly turned around. "It's easy. I just outlived all them rotten no-good nuisances!"
Q. What's the difference between a car salesman and a computer salesman? A. The car salesman knows when he's lying to you.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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The Classifieds - 2 female Boston Terrier puppies, 7 wks old, Perfect markings, 555-1234. Leave mess. - Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family. - A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms. - The hotel has howling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other athletic facilities.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Allahmanamjad Barbel, 21, in BARNSTABLE, Mass. Man arrested after seeking handcuff help BARNSTABLE, Mass. (UPI) -- Police in Massachusetts said a man who asked officers for help removing handcuffs wound up in another pair when officers discovered warrants for his arrest. Barnstable police said Allahmanamjad Barbel, 21, arrived at the police station at 2 p.m. Wednesday with a set of police-issue handcuffs dangling from one wrist, the Cape Cod (Mass.) Times reported. Barbel told officers that his younger sister had slipped the handcuffs onto his wrist during a children's party in Hyannis, Mass. He said he decided to ask police for help after his family was unable to locate a key or cut through the Smith and Wesson police-issue handcuffs. However, Barnstable police Sgt. Sean Sweeney said officers were suspicious and ran Barbel's name through the state warrant system. Officers were able to find a key to remove the cuffs from the 21-year-old's wrist, but those cuffs were soon replaced by a pair of the station's handcuffs when the search revealed warrants for driving with a suspended license, leaving the scene of an accident, threatening to commit a crime and making annoying phone calls. "He asked if we used the cuffs he'd come in with, but no, we got a brand new set for him," Sweeney said. Police said they were unable to discover the origin of the handcuffs Barbel was wearing when he arrived.
At long last the good-humoured boss was compelled to call Fisk into his office. "It has not escaped my attention," he pointed out, "that every time there's a home game at the stadium you have to take your aunt to the doctor." "You know you're right, sir," exclaimed Fisk. "I didn't realize it. You don't suppose she's faking it, do you?"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Frank Re: Firefox not playing music Dear Webby Why is my Firefox browser not playing the music some sites have? The music plays OK when I use IE6, but I hate having to open a second browser on my old klunker. How can I fix that? Frank Dear Frank Firefox does not have a midi player built in like all the other browsers. You have to download and install a midi player, and then tell Windows to use that player for midi files. The easiest is to just use IE or Opera until Firefox grows up. The alternative is to download and install any of the countless midi players available on the net. Keep in mind that you will have to tell Windows to use the newly installed midi player for midi files. Have FUN! Dear Webby
An old farmer went to town to see a movie. The ticket girl said, "Sir, what is that on your shoulder?" The old farmer said, "That is my pet rooster, Chuckie. Wherever I go, Chuckie goes." "I'm sorry, Sir," said the ticket girl, "We can't allow animals in the theater. Not even a pet chicken." The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed the chicken down his pants. He returned to the booth, bought a ticket and entered the theater. He sat down next to two old emergency room nurses named Mildred and Marge. The movie started and the chicken began to squirm. The old farmer unzipped his pants so Chuckie could stick his head out and watch the movie. "Marge," whispered Mildred. "What?" said Marge. "I think the guy next to me is a pervert." "What makes you think so?" asked Marge. "He unzipped his pants and he has his thing out," whispered Mildred. "Well, don't worry about it," said Marge, "At our age we've seen them all." "Yes," said Mildred, "But this one's eating my popcorn!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090201@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Refresh Your House Plants Take advantage of a light rain and set your houseplants outside. Just like giving them plant food and you don't have to pay for it. Helps keep the plants clean, too! Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

You can compress the diameter of a rolled up sleeping bag by running over it with your car. Tempting as it may be to "just-do-it", it IS considered good manners to tell your mother-in-law to get out of her sleeping bag before that procedure.
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Food Labels
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Dear Webby: RoboForm Password Manager 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  February 17, 2009

When ideas fail, words come in very handy. --- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment. --- Robert Benchley
"We apologise for the error in the last edition, in which we stated that 'Mr Fred Nicolme is a Defective in the Police Force'. This was a typographical error. We meant of course that Mr Nicolme is a Detective in the Police Farce."
Research had been going on for many years as to the invention of the toothbrush. Researchers knew the purpose of the device, wanted to know and acknowledge the originating location. After a very long and exasperating study the researchers came to their conclusion as to the origin of thetoothbrush. It was decided that the brush was invented in Maine. Intrigued with the discovery, the researchers were asked by the media how they came to the conclusion. They all agree it was simple deduction, "If it was invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush."
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Pinwheel Galaxy. Click it for the big version
Trishia is five feet, three inches tall and pleasingly plump. After she had a minor accident, her sister accompanied her to the emergency room. The triage nurse asked for her height and weight, and she blurted out, "Five-foot-eight, 125 pounds." While the nurse pondered over this information, her sister leaned over to her. "Trishia," she gently chided, "This is not the Internet."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Tesco Express store in St Annes, Lancashire, England. Store dmands ID from seniors http://snipurl.com/c1412 [www_dailymail_co_uk] James Earls is almost 60, has grey hair and uses a walking frame. So he was more than a little surprised when he tried to buy a packet of cigarettes and was asked to prove he was over 18. He was even more shocked when staff refused to sell him the cigarettes because he had no ID on him to prove his age. Earlier this month a great-grandfather was shocked when a store assistant refused to sell him fishing equipment - unless he could prove he was over 18. John Payne, 73, wanted to buy the tackle at the Original Factory Shop, in Melksham, Wiltshire, when he was asked to show valid identification to prove he was over 18. Mr Payne, a great-grandfather of nine, from Bremhill, Calne, Wiltshire, has been fishing for more than 50 years and said he had never encountered this sort of problem before.
A six-year-old ran up and down the supermarket aisles shouting frantically, "Marian, Marian!" Finally reunited with his mother, he was chided by her, "You shouldn't call me 'Marian.' I'm your mother, you know." "I know," said the child, "but the store is full of mothers."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: JJS Re: RoboForm Dear Webby I use and like the free version of Roboform you suggested even tho it is limited to 10 passwords. What is your opinion of Password Partner ? I don't dare download any programs like that without your comment. Thanks for your news letter as it is the first I read every day. JJS Dear JJS No idea if that Password Partner is reliable or even malware. I have used the Roboform PRO for many years and I would be totally lost without it. Because I test the email addresses, that I set up for clients, I have thousands of user name / password combos in it. Never any problem with Roboform. Syncing it to the laptop so that I can work while away from the office is a snap. I wholeheartedly recommend Roboform PRO, that is why I have carried a link in the side menu for so many years. Have FUN! Dear Webby
One evening a man was very impressed with the meat entree his wife had served. "What did you marinate this in?" he asked. His wife immediately went into a long explanation about how much she loves him and how life wouldn't be the same without him, etc. Eventually, his puzzled expression made her interrupt her answer with a question of her own, " What did you ask me?" She chuckled at his answer and explained, "I thought you asked me if I would marry you again!" As she left the room, he called out, "Well, would you marry me again?" Without hesitation, she said, "Vinegar and barbecue sauce."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090201@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Coring Iceberg Lettuce Using a knife to cut lettuce causes the lettuce to brown more quickly. To remove the core from a head of iceberg lettuce, hit the core end against the counter sharply and twist the core out. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Thanks to Myriam for this story: One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to his wife: " What setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends," she replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Russian Cake Art
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Dear Webby: Yahoo blocking mail 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  February 16, 2009

A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. --- George Bernard Shaw,
Thanks to Cookie for this story: A biker is riding by the zoo, when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents. The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly. A New York Times reporter has watched the whole event. The reporter says, 'Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I saw a man do in my whole life.' The biker replies, 'Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right.' The reporter says, 'Well, I'm a journalist from the New York Times, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page... So, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?' The biker replies, 'I'm a U.S. Marine and a Republican.' ----------------- The following morning the biker buys The New York Times to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on front page: U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH
A 6 year old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard. She asked him, "Daddy, what is sex?" The father was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decides that if she is old enough to ask the question, then she is old enough to get a straight answer. He proceeded to tell her all about the "birds and the bees". When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open. The father asked her, "Why did you ask this question?" The little girl replied, "Mom told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs."
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Colonel Jack: What's your name, driver? Driver: Alfred, sir. Colonel Jack: I always call my drivers by their last names. What's your last name, driver? Driver: It's Sweetheart, sir. Colonel Jack: Drive on, Alfred.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to French and British navies French and British nuclear subs collide http://snipurl.com/byo4z [www_thesun_co_uk] BRITISH and French nuclear submarines which collided deep under the Atlantic could have sunk or released deadly radioactivity, it emerged last night. The Royal Navy’s HMS Vanguard and the French Navy’s Le Triomphant are both nuclear powered and both were carrying nuke missiles. Between them they had around 250 sailors on board. The MoD insisted last night there had been no nuclear security breach. But this is the biggest embarrassment to the Navy since Iran captured 15 sailors in 2007. The naval source said: “Crashing a nuclear submarine is as serious as it gets.” Vanguard is one of Britain’s four V-Class subs forming their Trident nuclear deterrent. Each is armed with 16 ballistic missiles, ready to fire them off at a moment's notice, just in case the Irish are acting up. Vanguard weighs 16,000 tons, is 150 metres long and has a crew of 140. She was last night towed into Faslane in Scotland, with dents and scrapes visible on her hull. Triomphant limped to Brest with extensive damage to her sonar dome. Triomphant has a crew of 101 and a dozen atom bomb tipped missiles. It wasn't clear who the French are afraid of and planning to run from, but they say they are ready.
Neville the Aborigine had been out of work for a long time, and when he was offered the job at the council as a garbage collector he decided to take it up. On his first day things were going great until he arrived at one house and noticed there was no wheelie bin out the front. Neville thought to himself, "I wanna do a good job and not get fired from here but if they find out I missed one house then I will get fired." So he went up to the door and knocked on it. To his surprise it was a fellow Aborigine who answered. Neville breathed a sigh of relief and said to the other bloke, "Where's ya bin?" The man replied, "I bin on 'olidays," Neville then said, "Na, maite, where's ya BIN?" "I bin on 'olidays I tell ya," was the reply. Neville, slightly frustrated, says, "Na, ya blimey idiot. Where's ya Wheelie Bin?" The other bloke looked round to see who might be listening. "Well," he said. "I weally bin in jail but I'm tellin' everyone I bin on 'olidays, aiy!"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jivan Re: Yahoo is blocking mail Dear Webby I would like to inform you that I do not get the "HUMOUR "daily please send me daily Thanks Jivan Dear Jivan That is not surprising with Yahoo. I can't fix Yahoo's problems, I can only send your subscription out to you every day. After it has entered the Yahoo server, there is nothing more I can do about it. Once you get a respectable address, that problem will instantly go away. Have FUN! Dear Webby
Soon after our last child left home for college, my husband was resting next to me on the couch with his head in my lap. I carefully removed his glasses. "You know, honey," I said sweetly, "Without your glasses, you look like the same handsome young man I married." "Honey," he replied with a grin, "Without my glasses, you still look pretty good too!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090201@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Sticky Zipper If you have a sticky zipper on a piece of clothing, try rubbing the zipper with a pencil. The graphite in the pencil should help lubricate the zipper. A bar of soap also can be effective. Keep in mind that zippers don't rust. If a zipper sticks, it is because of misalignment, usually from unevenly stretched fabric. You can NOT fix that while wearing the garment. Take it off, soak it or steam it with the zipper closed all the way, then stretch it evenly and iron it dry. The zipper will work like new. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

They were burying Irish Pat today and the priest was explaining to the congregation that before they could put Pat to rest, someone had to get up and say something nice about Pat, even though Pat was a womanizer, a drunk and a fighter. No one got up. So the priest got up again and said,"Maybe I didn't explain me-self properly. Before we can put Paddy in his grave, one of us MUST get up and say something nice about the man.It's our duty as Irishmen and Catholics." So as the priest sat down again, Little Murphy in the back pew got up, cleared his throat, and with his porkpie hat in his hand said, "His brother was worse!".
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Rural Brasil
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Dear Webby: ISP blocks email 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  February 15, 2009

How do you tell a Communist? Well, it's someone who reads Marx and Lenin. And how do you tell an anti-Communist? It's someone who understands Marx and Lenin. ---Ronald Reagan
Wanting to lose weight, a woman placed a picture of a shapely, pinup model in her refrigerator to remind her of her goal. The reminder worked like a charm as the woman discovered that she had lost ten pounds in the first month of using this method. The downside to this was that her husband spent so much time going into the fridge to look at the picture that he ended up gaining fifteen pounds!
Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked: "I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?" "Only a kiss a yard, " replied the smirking male clerk. "That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards." With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then held it out teasingly. The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old lady standing beside her. "Grandma will pay the bill," she smiled.
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Delighted by the gift she had received, the lady spoke warmly to the boy, "At church tomorrow, I'll thank your mother for this lovely pie." "If you don't mind, Ma'am," the boy suggested nervously, "would you please thank her for two pies?"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Antonio Gallo, 50, in in Montemignaio, Italy Motorist's wee mistake A driver stopped his car to answer a call of nature - and watched in horror as it slid over a cliff. Antonio Gallo, 50, had put on the handbrake but failed to notice he had parked on an ice-covered slope. To make matters worse, his wife and children were in the passenger seats - but all escaped unharmed. The car slipped over a cliff ledge and hurtled down a slope until it crashed into a tree 50 yards below, in Montemignaio, northern Italy. A police spokesman said: "He hasn't been charged with any crime but he's definitely going to get a life sentence of backseat driving from now on."
A flying saucer was low on fuel, so it landed near a local gas station. On its side were the letters "UFO." The gas station attendant was stunned, but his curiosity got the best of him. "Does that stand for Unidentified Flying Object?", he asked. "No," one of the other-worldly travelers responds. "It stands for 'Unleaded Fuel Only.' "
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Hank Re: ISP blocking mail Dear Webby, Yes, it is my POP 3 e-mail that is being blocked. I have subscribed to you and Ophelia on POP 3 and then I no longer received them. I then subscribed through Hotmail as I had to do with another newsletter. When I have tried to resubscribe I received a note saying I was already subscribed under my POP 3 mail. I use Incredimail as my mail server. My ISP has a home mail page but I cannot get you through that. The ISP assured me they are not blocking any e-mails to my account. Thanks for your help, hank Dear Hank That is quite a sad-ass bunch of incompetent morons at your ISP, if they don't allow you the get the Humor Letter. What is that ISP's name? People in your area need to be warned about those klutzes. If I was in your shoes, I would get my money back, and chose a better ISP. If there is no other ISP in your neck of the woods, get yourself a gmail address, just like most of the yahoos do. You can download your gmail with any of the better POP3 programs. Gmail does quite impressive spam filtering, but at times can get a bit too aggressive. However, if you drag a piece of mail out of the spam into the INbox, it will respect that from then on. Gmail is quite civilized! Have FUN! Dear Webby
A pastor told his congregation that he was going to do a 4 point message series over the next few weeks. Whatever word I end on", he told them, "I want you to sing a song that goes with that word". The 1st week the word was Rock. So the congregation sang "Rock of Ages". The 2nd week the word was Assurance. So they sang "Blessed Assurance". The 3rd week the word was Cross. They sang "At the Cross". The 4th week the word was sex. The congregation was baffled at what to sing. Finally an 85 yr old man stood up from the back of the church and started singing "Precious Memories". Try singing that song next time without laughing.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090201@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Put a Pan Under Sink When Making Repairs If you change the faucet or drain in your kitchen or bathroom sink, put a shallow pan under the sink to catch any drips. Keep the pan there for 4 weeks to make sure water isn't accumulating. Check it periodically and tighten fixtures if necessary. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A man who had just undergone a very complicated operation kept complaining about a bump on his head and a terrible headache. Since his operation had been an intestinal one, there was no earthly reason why he should be complaining of a headache. Finally his nurse, fearing that the man might be suffering from some post-operative shock, spoke to the doctor about it. The doctor assured the nurse, "Don't worry about a thing. He really does have a bump on his head. About halfway through the operation we ran out of anesthetic."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Lightning over Texas
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Firefox Midi Problem 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  February 14, 2009
GUILT Day!


"Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction." -- Antoine de Saint Exupery "Love doesn't make the world go 'round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile." -- Franklin P. Jones
Liz goes to her first show at an art gallery and is looking at the paintings. One is a huge canvas that has black with yellow blobs of paint splattered all over it. The next painting is a murky gray color that has drips of purple paint streaked across it. Liz walks over to the artist and says, "I don't understand your paintings." "I paint what I feel inside me," explains the artist. "You should try some Tums and eat properly!"
One nun is known as Sister Mathematical (SM) and the other one is known as Sister Logical (SL). It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent. SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants? SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us. SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most. What can we do? SL: The only logical thing to do is to walk faster. SM: It's not working. SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster too. SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute. SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both. So, the man decided to follow Sister Logical. Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried what has happened to Sister Logical. Then Sister Logical arrives. SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened! SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me. SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?? SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could. SM: And?? SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me. SM: Oh, dear! What did you do? SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up. SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do? SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants. SM: Oh, no! What happened then? SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run a lot faster than a man with his pants down! (...And, for those of you who thought it would be dirty, say two Hail Mary's...! )
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults

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Dear
It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your special Sunday dress?" The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Curtis Pickard, 17, Columbia County, GA Busted For "Upskirt" Teacher Photos FEBRUARY 12--Meet Curtis Pickard. The Georgia student was arrested this week after he allegedly used his cell phone to take "upskirt" photos of a teacher, which he then showed to fellow high schoolers. According to a Columbia County Sheriff's Office report, Pickard, 17, surreptitiously snapped photos of Greenbrier High School teacher Ellen Hotchkiss on Monday. After several students on Tuesday told a school safety officer that he was showing the photos around, the officer seized Pickard's phone. The 33-year-old Hotchkiss, pictured at right, examined the images and "identified her legs and underwear from the previous day." Pickard was charged with unlawful eavesdropping or surveillance and booked into the Columbia County Detention Center, where the below mug shots were taken. He was released after posting $2600 bond on the felony rap. Pictures and details are at The Smoking Gun
The homeowner was delighted with the way the painter had done all the work on his house. "You did a great job," he said and handed the man a check. "Also, in order to thank you, here's an extra $80 to take the missus out to dinner and a movie." The painter thanked him and agreed to do that. Later that night, the doorbell rang and it was the painter. Thinking the man had forgotten something he asked, "What's the matter, did you forget something?" "Nope," replied the painter. "I'm a man of my word. I'm here to take your missus out to dinner and a movie like you asked."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Elaine Re: Music on cards not playing in FireFox Dear Webby, Why is Firefox not playing the music on cards? Any other browser plays the music just fine. Elaine Dear Elaine That is NOT a problem with the cards. The music IS there. It is a problem with Firefox. Unlike other browsers, it does not have a built in midi player. To get around that Firefox problem, you have to install and configure a midi player, for example Apple's QuickTime. Like all Apple stuff, it is huge and bulky and a nuisance to configure. There are precise step by step instructions for installing QuickTime at http://www.terryscomputertips.com/compu ... -files.php Yes, I know it is a silly rigamarole, but that's the way FireFox is. Other than that embarrassing midi playing problem, Firefox is just as good as other browsers, but their midi problem sure makes them look like incompetent klutzes. After installing a midiplayer, and telling all your visitors to either do the same, or to use a browser that plays midis without any hassle, it would be a good idea if you wrote to Firefox and told them about how you feel about their shortcomings. Have FUN! Dear Webby
A man was stranded on the proverbial deserted Pacific island for years. Finally one day a boat comes sailing into view, and the man frantically waves and draws the skipper's attention. The boat comes near the island, and the sailor gets out and greets the stranded man. After awhile the sailor asks, "What are those three huts you have here?" "Well, that's my house there." "What's that next hut?" asks the sailor. "I built that hut to be my church." "What about the other hut?" "Oh, that's where I used to go to church."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090201@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Romantic Meal at Home For Valentines Day This can be even more special than eating at a restaurant and at a fraction of the cost. If you don't feel like cooking, you can order dinner from your favorite restaurant that offers carry out. Create the atmosphere of dining out by setting the table with your best dishes and candles. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

"I hope you didn't take it personally, Reverend," an embarrassed woman said after a church service, "when my husband walked out during your sermon." "I did find it rather disconcerting," the preacher replied. "It's not a reflection on you, sir," she insisted. "Ralph has been walking in his sleep ever since he was a child."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Hot Air Balloons
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Powerpoint files on OE 



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Good Morning,  !

It's Friday,  February 13, 2009
Time to wear something red, to show your support for the troops!

Friday, the 13th! Better be careful! It is bad luck to be superstitious.
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. --- Will Rogers If the English language made any sense, a catastrophe would be an apostrophe with fur. --- Doug Larson
A small, uncertain, and nervous witness was being cross-examined. The lawyer thundered, "Have you ever been married ?" "Yes, sir, once" said the witness in a low voice. "Whom did you marry?" "Well, a woman." The lawyer said angrily, "Of course you married a woman ! Did you ever hear of anyone marrying a man ?" "My mother did."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults

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Matt went into Doc Steven's office for his annual checkup, and the Doc asked if there was anything unusual he should know about. That left it pretty wide open, so he told the Doc that he found it real strange how his suit must've shrunk just sittin' in his closet, because it didn't fit when he went to get ready for a wedding recently. The Doc said, "Suits don't shrink just sittin' there. You probably just put on a few pounds, Matt." "That's just it, Doc, I know I haven't gained a single pound since the last time I wore it." "Well, then," said Doc, "You must have a case of Furniture Disease." "What in the world is Furniture Disease?" Matt asked. "Furniture Disease, Matt, is when you reach that stage in life when your chest starts slidin' down into your drawers."
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jesse Jackson Birds of a feather, flock together Jesse Jackson has added former Chicago Democrat Congressman Mel Reynolds to Rainbow/PUSH Coalition's payroll. Reynolds was among the 176 criminals excused in President Clinton's last-minute forgiveness spree. Reynolds received a commutation of his six-and-a-half-year federal sentence for 15 convictions of wire fraud, bank fraud, and lies to the Federal ElectionCommission. He is more notorious, however, for concurrently serving five years for sleeping with an underage campaign volunteer. American politics: An ex-congressman who had sex with a subordinate...won clemency from a president who had sex with a subordinate...then was hired by a clergyman who had sex with a subordinate! His new job? Ready for this?? According to some rumors: Youth Councilor. Officialy, though, since that pays a lot more, he has been hired as consultant on prison reform, based on his brief prison experience before Clinton pardoned him.
Teacher: Max, use "defeat," "defense" and "detail" in a sentence. Max: The rabbit ran across the field, and defeat went over defence before detail.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Frieda Re: PowerPoint Trick for OE Dear Webby Dear Webby, My solution when my Power Point started doing that was to right click attachment and save to documents. Then Power Point opens it right up. Just another option for Ann. Your tech. tips help so many people and I look forward each day to your pictures. You have something for everyone. Bless you, Frieda Thanks Frieda! Have FUN! Dear Webby
A number of new Air-Force recruits were being taken on their first training flight. The plane had just leveled out after taking off when one of the engines seized up, and another began smoking badly. Adjusting his parachute, the instructor strove for nonchalance as he made his way to the hatch door. "Now I want you men to keep perfectly calm," he said, "while I go for help."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090201@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thrifty Reusable Napkins Instead of paper towels, we use washcloths for napkins. The cheap ones work great, and you can wash and reuse them. You can usually buy packs of colored ones for not much money. You can also cut up old shirts, blouses, even jeans, and hem the squares. Some people even embroider them. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The sheriff of a small town was also the town's veterinarian. One night the phone rang, and his wife answered. An agitated voice inquired, "Is your husband there?" "Do you require his services as a sheriff or as a vet?" the wife asked. "Both!" was the reply. "We can't get our dog's mouth open, and there's a burglar in it."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Critter Pictures
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Not associated with any program 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  February 12, 2009

The second half of a man's life is made up of nothing but the habits he has acquired during the first half. --- Fyodor Dostoevsky
Thanks to Trish for this follow-up on that cute Koala in the wildfire: VIDEO: Thirsty koala Sam the koala survives the bushfire and drinks three bottles of water courtesy of CFA volunteer David Tree
Two elderly women were trying on shoes in our store. When I slipped a shoe onto one woman's foot, the end of my tie got caught beneath her heel. Unaware of my predicament, she stood up and started toward the mirror. For a few seconds, I found myself crawling along the floor beside her, trying to get her attention. "Look, Martha," her friend said. "he wants to go home with you!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
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An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening church service when she was startled by an intruder. As she caught the man in the act of robbing her home of it's valuables, she yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38!" (....repent and be baptized....) The burglar stopped dead in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, "why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you." "Scripture??" replied the burglar, "She said she had an ax and two 38's!!!"
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Amber Carter, 35 in Bellefontaine, Ohio Teacher cut class for prostitution BELLEFONTAINE, Ohio - A fourth-grade teacher had a side job as a prostitute, and even skipped class after using a school computer to arrange an afternoon tryst at a motel, authorities said Wednesday. Amber Carter, 35, left school early Tuesday — taking half a sick day — and was arrested in a motel parking lot in Bellefontaine, where authorities had set up a sting operation. An anonymous e-mail was sent to the Logan County Sheriff's Department on Feb. 4 saying a local woman was posting cash-for-sex ads on the popular Web site Craig's list, Lt. Rob Bibart said. Detectives found the ad and arranged Tuesday's meeting with Carter, he said. "It was done very subtly. We pulled up, I identified myself," he said. "I put her in an unmarked car, and off we went." Detectives were uncertain how long Carter had been advertising for sex, Bibart said. Bellefontaine, a small city of 13,000, is about 50 miles northwest of Columbus. Carter was placed on administrative leave, said Bellefontaine City Schools Superintendent Larry Anderson. She has worked for the district for 13 years, starting as a kindergarten teacher. Carter was charged with misdemeanor prostitution and a felony count of unauthorized use of property, related to the school computer. She was released from Logan County jail Tuesday.
A SHORT HISTORY OF MEDICINE: "Doctor, I have an ear ache." 2000 B.C. - "Here, eat this root. That will be one payment on my sandals, please." 1000 B.C. - "That root is heathen, say this prayer. That will be one payment on my donkey, please." 1850 A.D. - "That prayer is superstition, drink this potion. That will be one payment on my wagon, please." 1940 A.D. - "That potion is snake oil, swallow these pills. That will be one payment on my Buick, please." 1985 A.D. - "That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic. That will be one payment on my Mercedes, please." 2002 A.D. - "That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root! That will be one payment on my yacht, please."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ann Re: No program associated with Dear Webby Quite often (but not all the time) I get the following notice with an email...."This file does not have aprogram associated with it for performing this action. Create an association in the Folder Options Control Panel" It is mostly with Power Point files. Do you have any idea what this is and how I actually do that... or is this an "Empress" question? Thanks as always for your great ezine and advice. Ann Dear Ann RIGHT-click START, Explore Tools FolderOptions File Types And in there look for the file extensions PPS and PPT, and assign the PowerPoint Viewer to those extensions. From then on, Windows will use that program for that file type. If you have Open Office, you can use that as the viewer, if you don't, use Microsoft's Power Point Viewer. You can get both free from my Toolbox Have FUN! Dear Webby
A Southerner had just moved to New York, and one day, a robber approached him and said, "Give me your money or I'll blow your brains out!" "Blow away," replied the Southerner, "You obviously can live in New York without brains, but I shore could not live here without money."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090201@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning Cast Iron Pans Don't use dish soap or diswashers to clean cast iron pans. Fill the dirty pan with water and bring it to a boil, then you should be able to scrub off any debris. Rinse with hot water, let the pan dry and rub a small amount of shortening, lard, cooking spray or cooking oil inside the pan before storing. For really stubborn stuff, you can use sea salt as grit without damaging the patina too much. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A man was being proselytized by group of friends: "Come join our study group. We want to discuss mankind's relationship to God." "I'm married; I learned long ago that my opinions don't matter." "But, when you die, will you go to heaven or to hell?" "Wherever my wife tells me to."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Good Reads
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: How to edit PDF files 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  February 11, 2009

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans. --- John Lennon
An optometrist was instructing a new employee on how to charge a customer: "As you are fitting his glasses, if he asks how much they cost, you say '$275.' ... If his eyes don't flutter, say, 'For the frames. The lenses will be $250.'... If his eyes still don't flutter, you add ...'Each.' ---- Looks like I better learn to flutter my eyes!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults

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Thanks to Donny for this picture. True Love Newfie Style He didn't say if that was him in the picture.
The finance committee of our church refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier, because none of the members knows how to play one.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jean Fortune, 66, Boynton Beach, Florida Man Calls 911 In Burger Beef Florida patron dials cops over lemonade-less combo meal FEBRUARY 9--"You cannot dial 911 'cause you're unhappy with your burger." That's what a police operator told a Florida man early Saturday morning when he called 911 to complain about his order at a Burger King in Boynton Beach. As can be heard on the below police recording, Jean Fortune, 66, called 911 when a Burger King employee told him that they did not have lemonade. Fortune told cops that he had placed an order for a #7 combo meal (chicken fries, French fries, and a soda for $4.49) while in the drive-thru line. But when he got to the window, Fortune was told the fast food outlet did not have lemonade. He was offered Coke, but Fortune decided instead to call police. "Sir, come on. I know you don't seriously think that the police need to make Burger King give you food faster. I cannot believe that," said an exasperated 911 operator. She also noted, "Customer service is not a reason to call 911. 911 is if you're dying. Do you understand that?" Fortune was charged with abuse of 911 communications, according the below Boynton Beach Police Department report. 911 Recording
A third grade teacher asked her class: "I'd like you to be very quiet today. I've got a dreadful headache." "Excuse me," said little Johnny, "why don't you do what my mom does when she has a hangover?" "What's that?" asked the teacher. "She sends us outside to play."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Eno Re: Editing PDF files Dear Webby Is there a way to edit PDF files without shelling out big money? A lot of job application forms are long PDFs, and I hate printing them out, scribbling on them and then faxing them. Thanks, Eno Dear Eno There is some software out there for filling in fields, IF the form had been created in interactive mode. That is probably about 3% of them, and hardly justifies the expense. The cheapest method is to use a graphics program like PSP or Photoshop or whatever you got, Reduce the PDF View to 75% so that each page just fits onto the screen, take a screen shot of each page, type or paste your info onto the pages with the text tool in the graphics program. For your signature, just scan it and make a small jpg file just big enough for the signature. Paste that where the signature goes. Then paste each of those pages into an Open Office WRITE document, one per page, and export it to PDF. Then you can attach that PDF file to an email or upload it. Save the document too, because there are probably parts that you can re-use later. Have FUN! Dear Webby
A man was chosen for jury duty who very much wanted to be dismissed from serving. He was trying every excuse in the world, trying to get out of it but none of them worked. On the day of the trial he decided to give it one more shot. As the trial was about to begin he asked if he could approach the bench. "Your Honor," he said, " I must be excused from this trial because I am prejudiced against the defendant. I took one look at the man in the Grey suit with those shifty eyes and that dishonest face and I said, "He's a crook! He's guilty, guilty, guilty." So your Honor, I could not possibly stay on this jury!" With a tired annoyance the judge replied, "Get back in the jury box. That's his lawyer."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090201@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Grocery Bags for Cleaning the Litter Box If you use scoop-able cat litter, the bags you get at grocery stores work great for disposing of the litter. Just keep some near the litter box. Tie the bag handles together before throwing away and it will help cut down on odors in your garbage can. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A man entered a barbershop and said, "I am tired of looking like everyone else. I want a change. Part my hair from ear to ear!" The barber nodded and said, "Are you sure?" His customer said, "yes," so the barber did as he was told, and the satisfied gentleman left the shop a happy man. Three hours passed and the man reentered the barber shop. "Put it back the way it was," hesaid. "What's the matter?" said the barber. "Are you tired of being a non-conformist already?" "No," the customer replied, "I'm tired of people whispering at my nose."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Caribbean Coral
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Program Updates 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  February 9, 2009

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts. --- Bertrand Russell A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them. --- P. J. O'Rourke
Petra had forgotten to get her estrogen patch prescription refilled, and soon the symptoms of menopause--hot flashes, forgetfulness, irritability, short temper, bossiness, aches and pains, etc., etc. returned. Eventually she wound up at the drugstore and was telling the pharmacist all about her problems. After listening patiently, he asked, "So, how many people asked you to get this refilled?"
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A woman noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale sucking in his stomach. Thinking he was trying to weigh less with this maneuver, she commented, "I don't think that's going to help" "Sure it does, " he grinned, "this way I can see the numbers."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Emelie Berglund, 32, from Kalmar, Sweden Cop fined for leaving gun in loo A Swedish police officer who left her hand gun in a public loo when she went to spend a penny has been fined £700. ($1000) Inspector Emelie Berglund, 32, from Kalmar, had unstrapped her weapon as she took a break from giving evidence at the city's district court. An honest janitor found the gun and returned it to her but a colleague reported her to superiors and she was disciplined with the £700 fine. "By failing to keep control of your weapon, with the consequence that it was left behind in the toilets, you have displayed insufficient care," the police tribunal judge ruled.
I noticed the neighbor down the street was home and sitting on his porch every day, so after a few weeks I asked him what was going on. He replied, "I left my job because of illness and fatigue." A few weeks later, his wife gave me the real truth of what happened . . . Turns out his boss got sick and tired of him.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Kay Re: Program Updates Dear.Webby I enjoy and rely on your advice about computers---- Thank you. What are your thoughts about "Secunia Online Software Inspector"? I have this installed on my computer, and they seem to advise constant upgrades on all my software. I am wondering if this is necessary and if they are a reliable company. Thank you for your help. Kay from Mn. Dear Kay I remember Petunia, one of my first girlfriends, but I have never heard of Secunia. Our computers work quite fine without it. It is a good idea to let anti-virus and anti-spyware update whenever they have new definitions, and many of Microsoft's patches for their buggy software actually have fewer bugs than what they patch, but other than that, updates are usually not that critical. Good programs, like for example the Quattro spreadsheet, are just fine if you use the version from 2000. Have FUN! Dear Webby
Mark, went into a convenience store to prepay for gasoline and returned with two plastic bottles of soda. As he filled the tank, his wife opened a bottle. To her dismay it fizzed and foamed all over her lap. Several miles down the road, Mark asked for his soda. Handing it to him, She warned, "Be careful. These are really over-carbonated." But when Mark opened his bottle, it barely hissed. Eyes on the road, he nonchalantly said, "You must have gotten the one I dropped."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090201@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Today's Entrées and Tomorrow's Sandwiches Incorporate leftover sandwiches into your weekly menu For example, have meat loaf one night and meat loaf sandwiches the next night. Some other ideas: Spaghetti and Meatballs and then meatball sandwiches. Turkey and then leftover hot turkey sandwiches with gravy. Roast beef and then French dip. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Six-year-old Jay's father was a rector in a small church. One day, his father told Jay that a very important bishop was coming and that he would be staying with them. Jay became very excited and asked his father if he would get to meet the bishop. His father thought about this and decided that he would let Jay bring the bishop tea in the morning and wake him up. Jay was very excited about the opportunity to do this. His father gave him instructions: first, knock on the door of the bishop's room and then say to him, "It's the boy, my Lord, it's time to get up." Jay was very excited and rehearsed his lines repeating them over and over. Finally, morning came and Jay rehearsed his lines. He went to the door and knocked. He was so excited and nervous though, that his lines got mixed up and Jay said, "It's the Lord, my boy, and your time is up!"
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Newseum
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Dear Webby: Sharing a connection 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  February 8, 2009

I believe that a scientist looking at nonscientific problems is just as dumb as the next guy. --- Richard Feynman There are only two ways of telling the complete truth-- anonymously and posthumously. --- Thomas Sowell
Arnie came into the office looking somewhat tired and bedraggled, but anxious to explain his nearly one hour tardiness. "Our chickens have been disappearing." He said. "And Pa made up his mind to put a stop to it. But nothing happened for several nights. Then last night about 3 o'clock, Pa got me and Ol' Blue, our dog, and his shot gun, all cocked and loaded, to go out with him to the chicken house to see what was going on." He went on. "Well, Pa sleeps in his birthday suit, and as he bent over to go into the chicken house, Ol' Blue cold-nosed Pa where he didn't expect it. Both barrels went off. Ever since then we've been up a-cleanin' and a-pluckin' more than 50 chickens. I missed the bus and had to walk 3 miles to school."
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Thanks to Lillemor for this picture from Preikestolen
While a friend and I were visiting Annapolis, we noticed several students on their hands and knees assessing the courtyard with pencils and clipboards in hand. "What are they doing?" I asked our tour guide. "Each year," he replied with a grin, "The upperclassmen ask the freshmen how many bricks it took to finish paving this courtyard." When we were out of earshot of the freshmen, my friend asked our guide: "So what's the answer?" The guide replied: "One."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to over 100 unprepared fishermen in Ohio 'Warning - zombies ahead!' OAK HARBOR, Ohio – One person who was among those stuck Saturday on a miles-wide slab of ice, that floated away from the Ohio shoreline of Lake Erie has died, while more than 100 others were rescued, authorities said. The village size slab had already cracked off the night before, just like it does every February, but they laid some planks from the shore to the village size ice floe, and spent a merry day fishing and drinking beer. Not necessarily in that order. When it came time to stagger homewards, they discovered that the afternoon wind had pushed their floating village 1000 feet off shore, and the planks had fallen into the water. Since most of them were out of beer by that time, a big panic ensued. One guy, apparently looking for an imaginary ice bridge, stumbled into the water and drowned. Several ships and helicopters from Toledo and Marblehead, and from Detroit, were sent to rescue the people from the 1 mile wide and 8 mile long ice floe. He said 100 to 125 were ferried to the shore by late afternoon. Due to the colder than normal winter, the ice was a bit thicker than usual, but it cracked off the shore at about the same date as every year. As usual, none of the fishermen had an inflatable rubber dinghy or other emergency boat. However, the Algorian sheep blamed the drowning death and the expensive rescue operation on Global Warming.

From the Tech Support Pits: From: Hank Re: Sharing a connection Dear.Webby I still read your emails first. I am a sharp senior with time on my hands. I was reading about wireless connectins etc. Is it a real crime in all states to pirate connections from a neighbor etc or just something we should protect against. How about if your neighbor invites you to do it? thanks for any response. A cheapskate senior friend of mind was thrilled when the neighbor let him use his connection to save him a few bucks so he could go out to eat every night. Hank Dear Hank Same as with electricity, it is not a crime IF you get permission. I actually encourage people to pool their resources and get ONE greased lightning fast connection, and then share it with a long reach router and long reach PC cards. As long as none of the 6 pool members abuses it to haul down lots of movies, it works fine and is a lot cheaper than six low speed accounts. You buy the router and the cards once, and save on the monthly connection fees foreverafter. In a tight cluster like an apartment building even a decent regular router will be enough. Just make sure you exclude download hogs. Have FUN! Dear Webby
Deciding to take up jogging, the middle-aged man was astounded by the wide selection of jogging shoes available at the local sports shoe store. While trying on a basic pair of jogging shoe, he noticed a minor feature and asked the clerk about it. "What's this little pocket thing here on the side for?" "Oh, that's to carry spare change so you can call your wife to come pick you up when you've jogged too far."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090201@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Sawdust Floor Sweeping Compound Use this recipe to help keep dust down when sweeping your basement garage or workshop. Mix 6 cups sawdust, 2 cups rock salt, and 1 1/2 cups mineral oil and put it in a jar with a lid for storage. To use, sprinkle it on your floor before sweeping. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Doctor: Nurse, how is that little girl doing who swallowed ten quarters last night? Nurse: No change yet.
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Modern Thunder Box
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby, are long range routers a threat? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  February 7, 2009

Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do." --- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Today's Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK? with hymns from a full choir. ------------- Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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A five year old was discussing Noah's Ark with Grandma. Grandma asked, "How many animals went into the Ark?" The youngster replied: "One mail and one e-mail."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to George Bartusek, 51 in Cape Coral, Florida 'Warning - zombies ahead!' FEBRUARY 5--A Florida man was arrested yesterday after he was spotted fondling and making out with a pair of blow-up dolls in a supermarket parking lot. Shoppers called cops when they spotted George Bartusek, 51, getting busy in the front seat of his 1998 Lincoln Town Car, which was parked directly in front of a Publix store. According to a police report, witnesses told cops that Bartusek was "performing activity" to two different blow up dolls in his vehicle." He was also spotted "aggressively" kissing the dolls. When confronted by police, Bartusek said that he was headed to Target to "get some clothes for his dolls." Bartusek, charged with breach of peace, was wearing shorts with a three-inch opening "in the crotch area." Of course, he "had no underwear on under the shorts," noted police. ------------------ He probably won't have to worry abut his heating bills for a while.
A teenager was sitting in church, and when the collection plate was passed around, he quickly pulled a dollar bill from his pocket and dropped it in. Just then, the person behind him tapped him on his shoulder and handed him a $20 bill. The boy smiled, placed the $20 in the plate and passed it on, admiring that the man was being generous. Then the boy felt another tap from behind and heard a whisper: "Son," the man said, "that was your $20 bill that had fallen out of your pocket."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Roland Re: Are long reach routers a threat? Dear.Webby Say a neighbor has one of these long reach routers, can he get into my computer? Roland Dear Roland No, that is not how it works. If he has one of those modern long range routers, HIS router will do a handshake and communicate with HIS laptop, even when he sits down at Hooters, 3 miles away. You or anybody else trying to use his high speed connection are out of luck, because HIS router simply ignores your computer's attempt to do a handshake and log in. He is secure, because he uses the new standards, which even professionals can't break. Keep in mind that the connection is initiated by the computer, not the router. The computer reaches out to the routers in the area and initiates the first handshake. His router just sits and waits for that. If you selected your wireless router by price, then any kid can break into your network and use it. That doesn't mean, that they can or will get into your computer. Usually they just use your Internet access to download movies and games, because on their own connection they have already gone over their monthly limit. They don't use long range cards with high security in their laptops, but the cheapest they can get, to match the routers in most homes. If you see kids parked near you house and suspect, that they are using your connection, just unplug the power to your router. If they drive on to the next house, you got your proof. There are other ways too to tell if you got hitch-hikers on the LAN, but that is the easiest way to dump them. Have FUN! Dear Webby
It was testimony night in the church. A lady got up and said, "We are living in a wicked land where sin is on every hand. I have had a terrible fight with the devil all week." Whereupon her husband, who was sitting glumly by her side said: "Poor Devil!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090201@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Gopherproof Flower Beds You can create a gopherproof flower bed by digging down about 18 inches and lining the bottom and sides of the bed with screens (old window screens work well) or avery mesh. Then replace the dirt and plant the flower bed. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Linda and Jill are having coffee when Linda notices that Jill seems troubled and asks her, "Is something bugging you? You look anxious." "Well, my boyfriend just lost all his money and life savings in the stock market," Jill explained. "Oh, that's too bad," Linda sympathized. "I'm sure you're feeling sorry for him." "Yeah, I am," Jill said. "He'll miss me."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Brands in Paintings
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Reach of wireless routers 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  February 6, 2009
Time to wear something red to show your support for the troops!

Re Yesterday's bonehead Award: Dear Webby, Imagine my surprise today when I looked at the bonehead award and saw the story about Shaun Rimmer - this is the little b*****d who burgled my house in July last year and I was ready to give evidence with Josh at his trial on December 16th last year when he finally admitted his guilt. As usual with these things sentencing is deferred until some do gooder liberals reports a bout how bad a life he has had are done - at this time I am on holiday in the US and to find out how long he got sent down for was a joy - and I was amazed how I found out! Thank you - and keep up the great work. Regards, Frank
Thanks to Dianne for this: It was so cold during our trip to Canada that my wife and I ducked into a department store to buy long underwear. When we asked a saleswoman where we could find a pair, she directed us to the lingerie department. "You know you're in Canada," I grumbled to my wife, "When long johns are considered lingerie."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture:
After watching the movie Cinderella, five-year-old Sarah started using her pinwheel as a magic wand, pretending she was a fairy godmother. "Make three wishes," she told her mother, "and I'll grant them." Her mom first asked for world peace. Sarah swung her wand and proclaimed the request fulfilled. Next, her mother requested for a cure for all ill children. Again, with a sweep of the pinwheel, Sarah obliged. The mother, with a glance down at her rather ample curves, made her third wish, "I wish to have a trim figure again." The miniature fairy godmother started waving her wand madly, and throwing furtive glances at her mother, checking for the first signs of any results. Finally she sighed and exclaimed: "For THAT I'll need more power!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 'Warning - zombies ahead!' US pranksters are hacking into electronic road signs to post hoax warnings such as "Nazi zombies" and "Raptors ahead". The latest breach came during the morning rush hour near Collinsville, Illinois, where a sign was changed to "Daily lane closures due to zombies". A day earlier, in Indiana's Hamilton County, the electronic message on a board in Carmel's construction zone warned drivers of "Raptors ahead". And signs in Austin, Texas, recently flashed: "Nazi zombies! Run!!!" and "Zombies in area! Run", reports the Daily Telegraph. Officials in Illinois are concerned the rewritten signs could distract motorists from heeding legitimate warnings. Authorities haven't figured out how pranksters access the signs but Mr Gasaway believes the Illinois sign was changed remotely. ------------- No kidding?
An older Jewish man is on the operating table awaiting surgery. He has insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he is about to receive the anesthesia, the patient asks to speak to his son. "Yes, Dad, what is it?" "Don't be nervous, do your best, and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ellen Re: Reach of wireless router Dear.Webby What is the maximum reach of wireless routers? And how secure are they? Thanks Ellen Dear Ellen Keep in mind that the other end, the card in your computer or laptop has to be just as powerful and talk the same language. I can get routers and PC-cards that work reliably for 3 Miles. Security is no problem, they use the newest standards including WPA-PSK random key security. Naturally, they cost more than bargain routers that barely reach thirty feet for you, but let all the kids in the neighborhood use your Internet access. Have FUN! Dear Webby
Thnks to Irene for this story: My husband and I were browsing in a crafts store when he noticed a display of country-style musical instruments. After looking over the flutes, dulcimers and recorders, he picked up a shiny, one-stringed instrument he took to be a mouth harp. He put it to his lips and, much to the amusement of other shoppers, twanged a few notes on it. After watching from a distance, I walked up and whispered in his ear, "I hate to tell you this, honey, but you're trying to play a cheese slicer."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090201@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Shopping For Parts When you go shopping for parts to repair your car, sewing machine, or any other device, write down the make and model number of what you are repairing so you can be sure to get the right part. Sometimes you can order online directly from the manufacturer. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front door onto the porch. Someone dialed 911. When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint. "It was enough to make anybody faint," he said. "My son asked me for the keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out, he came out with the snow shovel !"
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Sailing yachts
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Too many Microsoft patches 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  February 5, 2009

Seriousness is the only refuge of the shallow. --- Oscar Wilde The great thing about democracy is that it gives every voter a chance to do something stupid. --- Art Spander
A guy who went to New York, jumped into a cab and asked "How do you get to Carnigie Hall?" The cabbie said "practice, practice, practice!"
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What's so special about this pictrue? Day before yesterday when I Skyped my dad while he had breakfast in his wintergarden, he was all excited about "The Flash". Three times a year the window on the restaurant on the "High Chest", the mountain about 30 miles West from him, across the border in Switzerland, reflects the rising sun directly into his wintergarden, like a Million Watt spotlight. On the first of the three days it does that, it is for 4 - 5 seconds, on the second day for about 20 seconds, and on the third day again for 4 - 5 seconds. As you can see, he is still in the dark before sunrise, but the mountains across the border are already in sunlight. So he got the camera ready for yesterday morning, and when "The Flash" happened, he snapped a few pictures. The cut-out is original size, pasted into the picture that I shrunk for the Humor Letter, and you can see ow much brighter the Flash is than the sunlit snow.
How does Ruth like being pregnant?" Danny asked his friend Ryan. "Oh, she's not pregnant," Ryan replied, "she's expecting." "What's the difference?" Danny pressed. "Well, Ryan explained, "When I come home from work, she's expecting me to cook dinner, she's expecting me to do the housework, she's expecting me to rub her feet .
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Shaun Rimmer, 25, Wakefield, England Picture of distinctive pants led to burglar's arrest WAKEFIELD, England (UPI) -- English police said they nabbed a burglar after a teenage photography student snapped a picture of the fleeing man's distinctive pants. Shaun Rimmer, 25, was sentenced to four years in jail after he admitted to a string of car thefts and burglaries, including the incident during the summer that led to his arrest, The Daily Mail reported Monday. Police said quick-thinking photography student Josh Kellett, 17, was able to snap a photo of Rimmer's distinctive out-of-style track pants while the burglar was scaling a fence to escape from his neighbor's Wakefield yard. Police arrived and arrested Rimmer during a search of the neighborhood using Kellett's picture to identify the culprit's pants. Rimmer's accomplice, Anthony Booth, 31, is due to be sentenced later this month. A Leeds Crown Court judge awarded Kellett $214 for his contribution to the burglar's capture.
Guy goes to the Patents Office with some designs. He tells the clerk "I'd like to register my new invention, a folding bottle". Clerk: "Oh yes, what do you call it?" Inventor: "A fottle." Clerk: "That's a silly name, can you think of something else?" Inventor: "I'll think about it. I've got something else here, a folding carton." Clerk: "And what do you call that?" Inventor: "A farton." Clerk: "That's rude, you can't possibly use that name." Inventor: "Gee, you're probably not going to be like my folding bucket either!"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Pris Re: SP3 blocker to expire? Dr.Webby I believe everything I read from you but I am a fairly new subscriber. Do I have to install all the stuff from Microsoft? I mean come on everyday or so they are putting all kinds of stuff on for me to download or they are installing something. Ever since this started my computer is getting slower every day. Thanks very much, Mary Dear Mary Microsoft bug fixes are normally just on the second Tuesday every month. If you see more update requests acting like they were from Microsoft, then they are phony. McAfee and other anti-virus companies update their virus detection lists more frequently, sometimes more than once a day, if new viruses come out. However, they don't pretend to be from Microsoft and tell you that it is a McAfee update, and they don't disrupt your work. If you get daily update requests pretending to be from Microsoft, then either a big update did not get completed because of a poor or slow connection, or it is phony. Run a GOOD anti-virus program like McAfee, and an Anti-Spyware program like Spybot-Search&Destroy, to see if your computer has been infected and is under control of somebody else. Have FUN! Dear Webby
Although he was a qualified meteorologist, Hopkins ran up a terrible record of forecasting for the TV news program. He became something of a local joke when a newspaper began keeping a record of his predictions and showed that he'd been wrong almost three hundred times in a single year. That kind of notoriety was enough to get him fired. He moved to another part of the country and applied for a similar job. One blank on the job application called for the reason for leaving his previous position. Hopkins wrote, "The climate didn't agree with me."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090201@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Table Salt for Car Windows If you sprinkle table salt on your windshield, it will defrost faster and make stubborn ice easier to scrape off. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Two Cajun commercial fishermen, Boudreaux & Thibodeaux, went out in the Gulf fishing. They were gone a couple of months. On their return, they noticed a Taco Bell had been built while they were away. Boudreaux turns to Thibodeaux and says "Sacri Bleu! Look it dat! You run over a fone pole an it takes 9 mons ta get Southern Bell ta put in a new pole an fix da fone. We go fish a bit, an dem Mexicans done come over here an build a whole telifone company!"
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Funny Baby Pix
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: SP3 Blocker expiring in May ? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  February 4, 2009

The only thing I like about rich people is their money. --- Nancy Astor A thinker sees his own actions as experiments and questions-- as attempts to find out something. Success and failure are for him answers above all. --- Friedrich Nietzsche
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen. Later the lawyers speak and the judge listens.
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During an arctic training exercise in Alaska intense cold played havoc with vehicles and equipment. One harassed battery commander was trying to cope with vehicles that wouldn't run and machinery that wouldn't work. He was wondering what else could go wrong when the tent flap opened and a soldier rushed in to announce, "Hey, captain, the northern lights are out!" Exasperated and without looking, the captain barked, "Well, go get the generator mechanic and have him fix the @#$% lights!" ---- With northern lights the phrase "the lights are out" goes back a lot farther than electric lights, and actually means "the northern lights have come out from behind the clouds, they are visible".
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 21 year old Belgian in Marseilles, France Thief breaks into lavatory A thief's plan to drill his way into a French bank backfired when he emerged in the toilet. He missed the safe and instead found himself in a lavatory where he was promptly arrested, French newspaper La Provence reported. The 21-year-old broke into a building adjoining a branch of Banque Populaire in Marseilles in the early hours. The man, who came from Belgium, planned to drill his way through to a room housing safe deposit boxes. Alarms were triggered when he broke through the wall and police caught the man when they arrived on the scene.
A man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me." "Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just a lazy old fart." "Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term in latin, so that I can tell my wife."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Pris Re: SP3 blocker to expire? Dear Webby, I read this on a news letter that I get---what do you think of this statement? Is it true?Microsoft says the Service Pack Blocker Tool will soon expire. It prevents Windows from installing Vista SP1 or XP SP3. The tools expire on April 28 and May 19, respectively. Pris Dear Pris Yes, that is indeed true. Microsoft does not give a hoot about what their victims want, and if you don't like that, you can switch to Linux or Mac. You can still manually block the XP-SP3, but beware, they WILL try and sneak it onto your system, even if it won't work any more after that. SP3 works OK on SOME computers, but the only way to find out if trashes yours, is to try it. Make sure your data is backed up onto DVDs or onto the web. Have FUN! Dear Webby
Ron has been telling his wife for 37 years that diamonds look tacky on younger women. So far, it has worked

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090201@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Soup is Too Sweet? If you make soup or sauce and it comes out too sweet, just add a little salt or a teaspoon of apple cider vinegar to it. Taste it after every addition to make sure it has been corrected. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A wife says to her husband one weekend morning, "We've got such a clever dog. He brings in the daily newspapers every morning." Her husband replied, "Well, lots of dogs can do that." The wife responded, "But we've never subscribed to any papers!"
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Tonight's Sky
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Dear Webby: Spambots 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  February 3, 2009

In a mad world only the mad are sane. --- Akira Kurosawa Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. --- Mark Twain
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" "But why?" asks the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
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Heaviest snow fall in England in 18 years.
Jill's husband was called into his bank to discuss his accounts. "Your finances are in terrible shape," the lady behind the counter stated. "Your checking account is overdrawn, your loan is overdue." "Yes, I know." said the man. "It's my wife Jill, she is out of control." "Why do you allow your wife to spend more money than you make?" asked the bank teller.. "Frankly," replied the man with a deep sigh, "because I'd rather argue with you than with her."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 24 year old man in Everett, Washington Drug deal phone call from police station EVERETT, Wash. (UPI) -- Police in Everett, Wash., said they arrested a man who allegedly tried to make a drug deal using a phone in a police headquarters bathroom. The Everett Police Department said the 24-year-old suspect was arrested Wednesday after officers overheard him talking on his cell phone, the Everett Daily Herald reported. Everett Police Sgt. Robert Goetz said a sergeant inside the restroom overheard the man's conversation and said the suspect was apparently trying to arrange drug deals. "In a bit of disbelief, the sergeant told his partner what he had heard," Goetz said. Goetz said the man appeared to believe he was inside a probation office rather than a police station. "He asked an officer if he was a probation officer," Goetz said. The suspect, who is under state supervision for an attempted robbery conviction, surrendered an amount of prescription drug Oxycodone to officers at the time of his arrest at the police station, Goetz said. The man was booked into the Snohomish County Jail.
Q. What do you get when you cross a lion and an ocelot? A. A political animal called a Lialot, close relative of the Cheetalot.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Lillian Re: Postcards and Spambots Dear Webby, I'm setting up my pro site (http://wildlovephotography.com/ecards.html). I was wondering if there is any protection place to keep spam bots from sending cards from my site. If there aren't, do you have any suggestions of things I should add? Thanks a lot! Lillian Dear Lillian Spambots are trojans infecting Windows machines. They can't do anything on servers with UNIX. In addition to that, the way we wrote the postcard engine, the cards can not be filled out by scripts like the ones that spam blogs. Have FUN! Dear Webby
At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends: "The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. Entertain. And not bother me when I am not in the mood to be bothered!" An old granny overheard and spoke up, "Girl, if that's all you want, get a TV!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090201@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Longer Life for Your Carpet - Rearrange Your Furniture It is good to move your furniture from time to time to change the traffic pattern in your house. Your carpet is worn down much faster where people walk. If there is a section where you cannot shift the furniture, consider a throw rug or other protection for that area. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The young man told his father, "I want to marry a beautiful woman, a good woman, a smart woman, one who'll be a good mother to our kids, a woman who will make me happy." His father told him he'd better make up his mind.
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: China
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Dear Webby: Windows Start-Up List 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  February 2, 2009

If Al Gore sees his shadow today, there will be six more weeks of record cold climate.
A pipe burst in a senators house, so he called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and handed the senator a bill for $600. The senator exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! I don't even make that much as a senator!" The plumber smiled and replied: "Considering how much your loopholes leak, you shouldn't. MY work doesn't leak."
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One day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. The assistant takes the man to the parrot section and asks the man to choose one. The man asks, "How much is the yellow one?" The assistant says, "$2000." The man is shocked and asks the assistant why it's so expensive. The assistant explains, "This parrot is a very special one. He knows typewriting and can type really fast." "What about the green one?" the man asks. The assistant says, "He costs $5000 because he knows typewriting and can answer incoming telephone calls and takes notes." "What about the red one?" the man asks. The assistant says, "That one's $10,000." The man says, "What does HE do?" The assistant says, "I don't know, but the other two call him boss."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Wegman’s bakery in New York Sent in by Eric Not Outlook compatible birthday cakes If you like to order a cake at Wegman’s bakery, you can simply email them a personalized message that will be printed on the cake. A lady in NY followed the same procedure and ordered a birthday cake over email but here’s what they delivered on her birthday - a cake with some HTML icing. It turned out that she used Microsoft Outlook to send her email but Wegman’s email system failed to recognize the proprietary HTML tags of Outlook and hence this goof-up. This is best explained by an employee of Wegman - "we just cut and paste from the email to the program we use for printing the edible images, we are usually in such a hurry that we really don’t have time to check, and if we do the customers yell at us for bothering them."
Q. How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb? A. Just one, but it will take a long time, and the bulb has to really want to change." -------- Q. How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb? A. Two. The hard part is getting them into the light bulb....
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sandra Re: Start Up program list Dear Webby, I was just wondering, do you think I should run that Registry Booster and see if it makes my start up and running faster? PS How do I change some of the programs from starting up automatically and sitting by my clock? Sandra Dear Sandra Yes, that Registry Booster does work very well. I run it every time I reboot. To control the programs that start up automatically, click on START, RUN and type in there: msconfig In there, click on Startup In typical Microsoft fashion for important tools, it is a rude and crude whip to send you to get a third party utility to handle that. On one end there is AutoRuns at http://technet.microsoft.com/en-ca/sysi ... 63902.aspx that shows enough for an expert to make a career of. On the other end is StartUpCop-Pro from PC-Magazine. For $7 you can become a member and then download any of the PC-Magazine utilities for free. Have FUN! Dear Webby
's mother decided that should get something 'practical' for the birthday. "Suppose we open a savings account for you?" mother suggested. thought that was a fine idea. "It's your account", mother said as they arrived at the bank, "so you fill out the application." was doing fine until the space for 'Name of your former bank.' After a slight hesitation, put down 'Piggy'.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090201@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Don't Apply For Credit Too Often Don't apply for credit if you think you will be denied. Don't try to apply for credit cards too frequently. Submitting too many credit applications in a short period of time can lower your credit score and make it more difficult to get credit when you really need it. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Jason was having a tough day and had stretched himself out on the couch to do a bit of what he thought to be well-deserved complaining and self-pitying. He moaned to his wife, "Nobody loves me ... the whole world hates me!" His wife, busily occupied with other things, hardly looked up at and passed on this encouraging word: "That's not true, Jason. Can't be everybody. Some people don't know you."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Wetlands Photos
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Dear Webby: Speed Up program 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  February 1, 2009

When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other. --- Eric Hoffer
Ted Nugent, rock star and avid bow hunter from Michigan , was being interviewed by a French journalist and animal rights activist. The discussion came around to deer hunting. The journalist asked, "What do you think is the last thought in the head of a deer before you shoot him? Is it, 'Are you my friend?' or is it 'Are you the one who killed my brother?' " Nugent replied, "I don't believe deer aren't capable of that kind of thinking. All they care about is, 'What am I going to eat next, who am I going to screw next, and can I run fast enough to get away. They are very much like the French." The interview ended at that point.


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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Firemen in Syke, Germany World's worst firemen? Bungling German firemen have been branded the worst in the world after their own fire station burned to the ground, the second time All six fire engines perished in the $5 million blaze in Syke and it took 250 firemen from nearby towns to finally bring the inferno under control. Investigators believe the fire fighters could have triggered the blaze themselves in a training exercise accident or that faulty wiring was to blame. The weekend blaze was the second time the brigade has lost all its engines in a fire. The station was rebuilt in 1994 after being gutted by a fire. "A fire service that can?t even keep its own fire station and engines safe doesn't exactly inspire confidence," raged one local.
After a spring break, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent the holidays. One child wrote the following: "We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live here in a big brick house, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Arizona. Now they live in a place with a lot of other retarded people. They live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass. They ride around on big tricycles and wear name tags because they don't know who they are anymore. They go to a building called a wrecked center, but they must have got it fixed, because it is all right now. They play games and do exercises there, but they don't do them very well. There is a swimming pool too, but they all jump up and down in it with their hats on. I guess they don't know how to swim. At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out. Then they go cruising in their golf carts. My Grandma used to bake cookies and stuff, but I guess she forgot how. Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And they eat the same thing every night, "Early Birds". Some of the people can't get past the man in the doll house to go out. So the ones who do get out bring food back to the wrecked center and call it pot luck. My Grandma says Grandpa's worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded some day too.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Shirley Re: Speed up program Dear Webby, Love your letter and the computer tips. I was told today that to make a slow computer run faster to go to finallyfast.com. What do you think of this? You know all about the computer and glad there is someone who tells it like it is. Shirley Dear Shirley I would not touch that with a 10 foot pole. If you want your computer to go fast, format it and get rid of crap like that. Remember how fast it was running on day one, before you got all kinds of wacky stuff like that? After formatting, it will be again just as fast. Second best way to speed up a machine is to un-install all those speeder-upper and optimizer utilities, un-install all programs that you no longer use run Crap Cleaner run a GOOD defragmenter like Diskeeper (don't waste time with the Windows built in defrag program and similar freebies) After that, it will run nearly as fast as if you had formatted it and made a fresh install of Windows. Have FUN! Dear Webby
An old man on his deathbed implored his wife, "When I am gone I want you to marry Fred." "Why Fred?" his wife asked. "You have hated him all of your life!" "Still do," gasped the old man.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090201@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Protecting Wood When Removing a Nail Put an old plastic spatula under the head of the hammer when trying to remove a nail. It protects the wood or wall and is easy to find in your toolbox. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Rosita got lost in her car in a snowstorm. She remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it." Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes. Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. She explained that her dad had told her if she ever got lost in a snowstorm, to follow a plow. The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart parking lot now, but you can follow me over to K-Mart"
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Thai Flowers
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Dear Webby: Parental Controls 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  January 31, 2009

Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever. — Mahatma Gandhi
Morris complained to his doctor, "I've been to three other doctors and none of them agreed with your diagnosis." The doctor got rather upset that his word was doubted and yelled: "You just wait until the autopsy, then you will see that I was right."
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On vacation one year Joe went to a resort in Wyoming. As part of the usual activities, a neighboring ranch invited guests from the resort to participate in a cattle drive. After watching 20 make-believe cowpokes whooping and hollering, Joe rode up to the ranch-owner and asked her how many cowboys it normally takes to drive a herd of that size. "One," she replied, "and yappy dog. It's the noise that'll get the cattle to move."


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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Annis Dodds, in Slough, Berkshire, England Lost car found in overgrown garden Council workers called out to clear an overgrown garden were amazed to find an old Ford Escort under the weeds. Shrubs had grown over the car in its neglected resting place, in Slough, Berkshire, reports the Daily Mirror. Sarah Hines-Randall, who led the council clean-up team, said: "We were astonished at the amount of vegetation but even more so to find an Escort rusting in the undergrowth." Neighbours had moaned about the rats living in the back garden but householder Annis Dodds ignored a legal order to cut it back. A neighbour said she was not surprised the 30-year-old car was found. She said: "The garden was horrendous and completely full of rubbish. I can only hope it is kept tidy now." Mrs Dodds was fined £500 and ordered to pay £1,000 costs to Slough council.
A salesman was trying to talk a farmer into buying a bicycle, but was meeting with considerable sales resistance. "Shucks, I'd sooner spend my money on a cow," said the farmer. "Ah," replied the salesman, "but think how silly you'd look riding around on a cow." "Humph!" retorted the farmer. "Not near as silly as you would look trying to milk a bicycle to make the grocery money!"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Helen Re: Parental controls Dear Webby First I would like to thank you for your letter. I miss it alot when I go away.My question is,is there a way to set up my comp. so my young grand sons cant get in to porn sites I tried to do it through tools and then content but all they have to do is click cancal and it will still go there. Thank You very much Helen Dear Helen There ARE programs that theoretically work for that. The problem is, you would probably have to ask him to help you set it up, and he probably knows a dozen ways to defeat the parental controls. Kids brag about their skills in that to each other and trade tricks. About the only trick that works is to put the modem into your purse when you go away. Have FUN! Dear Webby
An annoyingly self-righteous man went to the doctor for a check-up. He said, "I feel terrible. Please examine me and tell me what's wrong with me." "Let's begin with a few questions," said the doctor, "Do you drink much?" "Alcohol?" said the man. "I'm a teetotaler. Never touch a drop." "How about smoking?" asked the doctor. "Never," replied the man. "Tobacco is bad, and I have strong principles against it." "Well, uh." asked the doctor, "do you have much sex life?" "Oh, no," said the man. "Sex is sin. I'm in bed by 9:30 every night and I always have been." The doctor paused, looked at the man hard, and asked, "Do you have pains in your head?" "Yes," said the man. "I have terrible pains in my head." "O.K.," said the doctor. "That's your trouble. Your halo is on too tight!!

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090101@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thawing Fish Try thawing frozen fish in milk. The milk will help draw out the "frozen taste" and make it taste more fresh. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

In the dorm, one of the favorite intramural sports was water fights. Dousing and bombarding one another with water from squirt guns, glasses, balloons, even wastebaskets. Since each room had a sink, there was endless ammunition. The most frequent target was the resident assistant. Approaching his room one afternoon, he noticed his door was ajar. Looking up, he saw a pail of water balanced on the door's edge, ready to fall on him. As he took down the pail and emptied it into his sink, he thought, 'Those crazy guys actually thought they could fool me with that old gag!' It was then he realized that "those crazy guys" had removed the drainpipe beneath the sink and turned the "U" shaped part of it to point just below his waistline.
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Nahanni
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Dear Webby: Screensavers versus Wallpaper 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  January 30, 2009

Failure is only a temporary change in direction to set you straight for your next success. --- Michael Combs
Frantic Woman on phone: "Doctor, my Son just swallowed a nickel, and he's coughing up dimes. What do I do?!?" Doctor: "Keep feeding him Nickels!"
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A paramedic was asked on a local TV talk-show program: "What was your most unusual and challenging 911 call?" "Recently we got a call from that big white church at 11th and Walnut," the paramedic said. "A frantic usher was very concerned that during the sermon an elderly man passed out in a pew and appeared to be dead. The usher could find no pulse and there was no noticeable breathing." "What was so unusual and demanding about this particular call?" the interviewer asked. "Well," the paramedic said, "we carried out four guys before we found the one who was dead."


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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 16-year-old girl in Laurel, Delaware Phone led teen to threaten parents LAUREL , Del. (UPI) -- Police in Delaware say they have arrested a 16-year-old girl who allegedly threatened her parents with knives after they took away her cell phone. Delaware State Police said they were called to a Laurel home about 3 a.m. Sunday by the girl's parents, who had locked themselves inside their bedroom while their daughter threatened them from outside and attacked their door with knives, the New Castle- Wilmington (Del.) News Journal reported Tuesday. The girl's father told officers he had taken away the teenager's phone after suspecting she had stolen money from her mother to purchase minutes. Police said the girl put down her two large kitchen knives after speaking to officers for about 10 minutes. She was arrested and charged with possession of a deadly weapon during the commission of a felony, two counts of aggravated menacing, terroristic threatening, disorderly conduct, theft, criminal mischief and possession of a deadly weapon by a person prohibited.
Dwayne, his wife, and Dwayne's mother-in-law went camping. Dwayne's wife announced that her mother had been gone on her stroll in the woods way too long. So the two of them went looking for her. After a while they spotted a gigantic, ferocious grizzly bear squared off with the mother-in-law! Immediately the daughter said to her husband, in a frantic voice, "Dwayne you gotta do something, or there's gonna be trouble fer sure!" Dewayne calmly said, "Nah, those grizzllies are a lot tougher than they look. He'll live."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sharon Re: Difference between Wall Paper and Screen Saver Dear Webby. By the way, is there a difference between screensavers & wallpapers or are they the same? Have a purrfect day, Sharon Dear Sharon Wallpaper is what you see if your open programs are not covering the entire screen. It is actually a table cloth for the desktop, but Microsoft calls it wall paper. Nobody knows why. A screensaver is a program designed to amuse dust motes, attract nocturnal insects and use electricity. It is a hang-over from the days of the greenie monitors in the 70's and 80's, that used to burn the phosphor in the screen if you left them on with the DisplayWrite menu showing, while you went on maternity leave. When you came back a year later, it showed the menu even if you turned it off. To prevent that, we wrote screen savers that kept the screen moving. In the days before graphics, we made some silly text scroll endlessly, then from the mid 80's on we used some goofy ever changing graphics. Sceen savers became obsolete in 95, when you could set the power options to turn the monitor display off automatically, if you didn't use the computer for a certain amount of time. However, some people feel obliged to amuse the dust motes and nocturnal insects, and to use electricity. They still use screensavers. Personally, when I am not near the computer for longer than it takes to make a pot of coffee, I have the monitor set to turn off automatically. Have FUN! Dear Webby
Monica N. wrote: "... I was wandering around the 'net recently, and GOSH! I found a whole bunch of PHILATELISTS. And then I discovered groups populated by THESPIANS and HOMO SAPIENS. And I found hundreds -- not dozens, but HUNDREDS -- of educational institutions funded by MY TAX DOLLARS... teaching people to MATRICULATE. We need to pass laws to control the Internet and protect our children!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090101@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Strong Necklace Thread Tired of your necklace or bracelet breaking? Restring it with fishing line. Fishing line is very strong and inexpensive. It is also clear so you don't have to worry about matching colors. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

GROAN ALERT: Q: If there is H2O on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on the outside? A: K9P
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Nahani
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Manual Update for Windows 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  January 29, 2009

The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers. --- Scott Adams Where facts are few, experts are many. --- Donald R. Gannon
"I'm ashamed of the way we live," a young wife said to her lazy husband who refused to find a job. "My father pays our rent. My mother buys all of our food. My sister buys our clothes. My aunt bought us a car. I'm just so ashamed." The husband rolled over on the couch. "You *should* be ashamed," he agreed. "Those two worthless brothers of yours never gave us a cent."
Subscribe to Ophelia Dingbatter's News Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request. If you don't get it, you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked.
The old pastor made it to a practice to visit the parish school one day a week. He walked into the 4th grade class, where the children were studying the states, and asked them how many states they could name. They came up with about 40 names. He jokingly told them that in his day students knew the names of all the states. One lad snickered, "Yes, but in those days there were only 13...."


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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Eric Marusak, 37, of New Port Richey, Florida Police say man barked, bit like a dog PORT RICHEY, Fla. (UPI) -- Authorities allege it took six officers to restrain a drunken man accused of damaging a police car while growling and biting like a dog in Port Richey, Fla. Eric Marusak, 37, of New Port Richey was ordered held without bail for driving drunk, violently resisting an officer, battery on an officer and habitually driving with a suspended license, The St. Petersburg (Fla.) Times reported. Marusak's arrest record of previous skirmishes with police is 18 pages long, police said. Marusak was arrested Saturday after running his car into a chain-link fence on U.S. Route 19. "I'm wrecked, dude. I got a suspended license," Marusak allegedly told the officer who witnessed the crash. Once in the police cruiser, Marusak allegedly kicked the officer in the crotch, spit on him and tried to bite the officer twice while growling and barking like a dog, police said. Marusak's kicking allegedly bent the cruiser door and caused more than $1,000 worth of damage to the cruiser's frame.
Before his daring escape from prison, an infamous criminal had been photographed from four different angles. The FBI sent copies of the pictures to police chiefs all across the land, with orders to notify Washington the moment an arrest was made. The next day, the Bureau received a faxed reply from the ambitious sheriff of a small Southern town: "PICTURES RECEIVED. ALL FOUR SHOT DEAD WHILE RESISTING ARREST."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Wendy Re: Manual Update Dear Webby. Hopefully you can help me again by shedding light on an email I got regarding the Conficker worm. When I put it in snopes, it took me to the CNN page where it described it. From what I understand it's mostly got to do with laptops and businesses. There was also a mention about the patch for MS - MS08-067. What can you tell me about this worm, and can you manually install the patch. My machine updates every time I turn it off every day, so I know no updates are getting installed. Thanks so much for all your knowledge that you share with us. Wendy Dear Wendy If you have the SP3 Blocker installed, just do a manual update If not, get the blocker from my tool box Once you have that blocker installed, it is safe to let Windows update automatically. You might want to also install the IE7 blocker, but they have the worst bugs in it fixed by now, and it is not as bad as it used to be. Also, as long as you are not handicapped with SP3, you can un-install IE7 and revert to IE6. If you have questions about the manual update settings, here is all the info: http://snipurl.com/axme7 Keep in mind that if you have half decent virus protection, that old worm will never make it through. By the time CNN writes about something, McAfee and the other big anti-virus companies have nailed it a week before. Have FUN! Dear Webby
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that you always have you a headache next morning after wearing that suit!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090101@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Marking Clothes for Children I use dots to distinguish between clothing for children who are close in age or size. Simply use a permanent Magic Marker to dot clothing in an inconspicuous place. Mark one dot for the older child, two dots for the second oldest and so on. If an item can be passed to the next child, simply add a dot. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

We had spent the day moving from our farmhouse into our new house in town. Early the next morning, our 3 1/2-year old ran into our bedroom to wake us up. I dressed him and told him to play in the yard and to quit bothering us. About 20 minutes later, he came running back. "Mommy, Mommy," he exclaimed, "everybody here has doorbells.... ... and they all work."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Ancient Arabia
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Dear Webby: Safe Registry Fixers 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  January 28, 2009

A healthy male adult bore consumes each year one and a half times his own weight in other people's patience. --- John Updike
At a country-club party a young man was introduced to an attractive girl. Immediately she began flattering him outrageously. The guy liked the young lady, but was taken a bit aback by her fast and ardent pitch. He was amazed when after 30 minutes she seriously proposed marriage. "Look," he said. "We only met a half hour ago. How can you be so sure? We know nothing about each other." "You're wrong," she smiled. "For the past 5 years I've been working in the back of the bank, where you have your account. I know all I need to know about you."
Subscribe to Ophelia Dingbatter's News Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request. If you don't get it, you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked.
Being able to turn your grandchildren into spoiled brats is God's reward for not murdering your children.
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture: Bandits

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 23 year old mechanic in Limbach-Oberfrohna, Germany. Roof Lander More pictures A Skoda ended up getting wedged in a church roof after flying 100ft through the air. The 23-year-old driver was reportedly speeding up a slope before the incident occurred. Firefighters spent two hours freeing the man at the Church of Our Lady in the village of Limbach-Oberfrohna, Germany. A police spokesman said: "The driver was very lucky. If he had been going a hair slower, he would have hit the 2-3 feet thick stone wall corner of the church, instead of the comparably soft roof." ------------ Since he was going way too fast to have a chance to make it around that corner, my guess is that either he was asleep, or his gas pedal was stuck.
A first-grade girl came home from school. She was very happy, and her Mom noticed this. Mom asked, "What makes you so happy today?" The girl said, "Mom, we learned how to make babies in school today!" Thinking that first grade was a bit early for that, she asked her daughter to tell her how. "It's easy, Mom -- you just drop the 'y', and add 'i-e-s', " the daughter said.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Kay Re: Optimizer Dear Webby, Would this be a safe or even necessary program to download or even buy? Thanks for all the great information that you put on your newsletter. It is always the first email I go to everyday. Kay Dear Kay There are hundreds of programs that claim they can improve the registry. Most do more harm than good. The only one that I found to be safe and reliable and can wholeheartedly recommend without any reservation, is Registry Booster Have FUN! Dear Webby
My Grandmother is ninetyfive and still doesn't need glasses... She drinks straight out of the bottle.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090101@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Recycling Spray Bottles Save spray bottles for your own homemade cleaning products. Clean thoroughly as mixing some chemicals can create a dangerous gas. Remove the label and mark the bottle clearly to avoid mistakes (and keep out of the reach of children). Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A big-city counterfeiter decided the best place to pass off his phony $18 bills would be in some small "hick town." So, he got into his very expensive new luxury car and off he went. After driving for a while, he found a tiny town with a single store. He entered the store and handed one of the bogus bills to the man behind the counter. "Can you change this for me, please?" he asked. The store clerk looked at the $18 bill for a short time, then smiled and said to the man, "Ah reckon so, Mister. Ya want 2 nines or 3 sixes?"
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Hell Benders
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby, is Windows 7 Beta safe?  



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  January 27, 2009

The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'. --- Larry Hardiman If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error. --- John Kenneth Galbraith
Son: Why is Father singing to the baby so much tonight? Mother: He is trying to sing her asleep. Son: Well, If I were her, I'd pretend I was asleep.
Subscribe to Ophelia Dingbatter's News Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request. If you don't get it, you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked.
Judge to Husband: "I have heard all the testimony, reviewed the pleadings and given a lot of consideration to this case. Mr. Smith, I am going to give your wife $750.00 a month." Husband: "That's very generous of you, Your Honor. Whenever I get a little extra, I'll send her some money too."
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture: A young mother paying a visit to a doctor friend and his wife made no attempt to restrain her five-year-old son, who was ransacking an adjoining room. But finally, an extra loud clatter of bottles did prompt her to say, "I hope you don't mind Johnny being in there." "No," said the doctor calmly, "He'll be quiet shortly. From the sounds of that he just got into the anesthetics and poisons."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Petru Susanu, 39, in Iasi, Romania Fugitive found - under mum's bed A 39-year-old man on the run for robbery in Romania has been found after four years - hiding under his mother's bed. Petru Susanu had used floorboards and carpet to make himself a cosy hideaway beneath his mum's double bed at the family home in Vladeni. But he was discovered when suspicious neighbours called the police after spotting his mother buying cigarettes and beer even though she didn't drink or smoke. "The shop keeper was immediately suspicious because his shop was one of the places he used to rob regularly and he always stole the same brand of cigarettes as she was buying," said a police source. Iasi police spokeswoman Virginia Pralea said: "The man had been on the wanted list for four years after fleeing following a conviction for robbery in 2005. Now Susanu is facing another four years shut away in jail for robbery.
Two golden-agers were discussing their husbands over lunch. "I do wish that my John would stop biting his nails. He makes me terribly nervous." My Fred used to do the same thing," the other woman replied. "But I broke him of the habit." "Really, how?" asked the first woman. "Easy, I hid his teeth."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Alex Re: Is Windows 7 Beta safe? Dear Webby, Judging by the commercials and the hype, it looks like Windows 7 might be a better solution than Vista. Is it safe to install? Alex Dear Alex If you are a desperately bored experimenter and have a spare machine with 4 GB of Ram, and are prepared to format the drive of that spare machine after trying Windows 7, it may be OK. The only permanent damage reported so far is to older monitors. Keep in mind that it is NOT intended for a working, main or only computer. Have FUN! Dear Webby
I asked Mom if I was a gifted child... she said they certainly wouldn't have paid for me.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090101@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Memory Aid: Leave Yourself a Message If you are out and want to remember something when you get home, call your answering machine or voice mail and leave yourself a message. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Children are natural mimics, who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Petal Sensations
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby: Mail like Reno 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  January 26, 2009

The human mind is easily fooled. We believe what we want to believe and recognize only those facts which conform to that belief. --- Francis Bacon
You are on the bus when you suddenly realize ... you need to fart. The music playing is really loud, so you time your farts with the beat. After a couple of songs, you start to feel better as you approach your stop. As you are leaving the bus, people are really staring at you, and that's when you realize you have been listening to your ipod.
Subscribe to Ophelia Dingbatter's News Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request. If you don't get it, you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked.
Miss Prissy was going over Melvin's records with his anxious parents. On one page was the statement, "Melvin used fowl language today." Mr. Messpot, hoping to put the teacher in a bad light, snickered, "Ha! You spelled foul wrong." Miss Prussy corrected, "No, I meant F-O-W-L. Your child called me a 'dumb cluck' ."
Thanks to Sandie for this picture: The worst part of winter in Michigan is almost over and we can see the deer wandering around now.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 29 year old man in White Rock, BC Toddler turned in dad Toddler 'grassed up' dad A Canadian marijuana grower was busted - after his 11-month-old son called the police. The 29-year-old man had given the little boy a phone to play with, reports the Globe and Mail. And the little lad accidentally dialled '911' bringing mounties calling to their home in White Rock, British Columbia. Officers, who thought somebody had called them then hung up, broke down the door when their knocks went unanswered. "The gentleman was quite surprised," said Constable Janelle Canning. The father insisted he hadn't called the police and claimed his son was far too young to have made the call, until officers saw him playing with the phone. "We saw him playing with the cordless phone and just pressing all the buttons, so evidently he had called 911," Const. Canning said. With that mystery solved, officers began inspecting the residence and soon discovered a 500-plant marijuana farm. The father was arrested and faces drugs charges. His young son was taken into care but later given back to his mother who does not live with the father.
A fellow decided to decorate his bedroom. He wasn't sure how many rolls of wallpaper he would need but he knew that the Irishman who lived next door had recently done the same job and the two rooms were identical in size. "Murphy," he asked, "How many rolls of wallpaper did you buy for your bedroom?" "Twenty" said Murphy. So the fellow bought the twenty rolls of paper and did the job. It looked wonderful, but he had 12 rolls of wallpaper left over. "Murphy," he said. "I bought ten rolls of wallpaper for the bedroom, but I've got 12 left over!" "Dat's funny," said Murphy. "So did I."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Robert Re: Mail like Reno Dear Webby, I have an email address at reno.com and I set it up to only receive mail from those that are in my address book. That is a realy neat tool. No Spam. The reason I am writing is because I only have 25mb for that address and was wondering if you knew of other email providers that have that tool? I typed various words in my search and couldn't find any. Maybe you know the correct words to type. Take Care Robert Dear Robert What you need is POP email. Then you can auto-forward your reno.com mail to your POP address, and keep nothing at all on reno.com. Reno will do the filtering for you, and your computer will store the filtered email. Have FUN! Dear Webby
Thanks to Lillemor for this: Headlines On This Date 4 Years Ago: "Republicans spending $42 million on inauguration while troops Die in Unarmored Humvees" "Bush extravagance exceeds any reason during tough economic times" "Fat cats get their $42 million inauguration party, Ordinary Americans Get the shaft" ----------------- Headlines Today: "Historic Obama Inauguration will cost taxpayers only $120 million" "Obama Spends $120 million on inauguration; America Needs A Big Party" "Everyman Obama shows America how to celebrate" Yep. There's just nothing like fair & unbiased coverage of the news !

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090101@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Nonstick Meatloaf With Bacon Here's a tasty way to keep meatloaf from sticking to the pan. Line your pan with a couple strips of bacon before putting the meatloaf in the pan. It's not cheap, but it sure tastes good. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

One evening as a family was eating dinner, the mother knowing that her young son Johnnie had been telling lot's of lies as of late, announced that she had made arrangements for her son to go over to talk to their priest. The priest had a good reputation for helping people who were compulsive liars. The mother asks her son if he would go over to the parsonage to see the priest. So Johnnie being a very helpful kid went over. At answering the door the priest ask Johnnie if he was at church Sunday, of course he lied and said yes. "Well," said the priest, "I guess you seen what happened at church on Sunday?" "Yes" said Johnnie lying. "Well I guess you saw that big grizzly bear come through the front door and up the aisle grabbing people from their seats and eating them alive?" "Yeah" said Johnnie. "Well I guess you saw that little dog come in right behind him, and stare down that grizzly right in the middle of the church?" "Yeah" said Johnnie, lying again. After a few moments of silence the priest finally looked Johnnie straight in the eye and ask Johnnie if he honest to God believed that story. Johnnie replied, without a quiver, "I sure do preacher, that was my Dog!"
From Carol: WOW! Webby what is the story behind that incredible picture you used today? Like others, I can't "sign off" without thanking you and complementing you for your efforts and the way you benefit so many of us. Thanks! Carol Dear Carol I got the picture without any description, but the mountains that you see when you click on it to get the large version, look like it could be Northern Lights above the upper part of Whitehorse, Yukon.
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Funny Chairs
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: How do I dump auto-replies? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  January 25, 2009

Writing is the only profession where no one considers you ridiculous if you earn no money. --- Jules Renard It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off. --- Woody Allen
A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. When he finally gets home, he starts tiptoeing up the stairs. Halfway up the stairs, he falls over backwards. An empty pint bottle in his back pocket broke, and carved up his buttocks. A few minutes later, as he was undressing, he noticed blood, so he checked himself out in the mirror and noticed the injury. He repaired the damage as well as he could under the circumstances and went to bed. The next morning, his head was hurting, and his rear was hurting, and he was hunkering under the covers trying to think up some good story, when his wife came into the bedroom. "Well, you really tied one on last night," she said. "Where'd you go?" "I worked late," he said, "and I stopped off for a couple of beers." "A couple of beers? That's a laugh," she replied. "You got plastered !" "What makes you so sure I got drunk last night, anyway?" he asked. "Well," she replied, "my first big clue was when I got up this morning and found a bunch of Band-Aids stuck to the mirror."
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Thanks to Sandie for this story: Where it all began A little girl wrote to Sarah Palin and asked; 'How did the human race start?' Sarah Palin answered, 'God made Adam and Eve; They had children; and so was all mankind made.' Two days later the girl wrote to Michelle Obama and asked the same question. Michelle Obama answered, 'Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.' The confused girl went to her father and said, 'Dad, how is it possible that Sarah Palin told me the Human race was created by God, And Michelle Obama said they evolved from monkeys.' The father answered, 'Well, Dear, it is very simple, Sarah told you about her ancestors and Michelle told you about hers.'

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Shawn L. Holden, 26, in Phoenix, AZ Fleeing suspect hides under parked truck, is run over The Associated Press Tucson, Arizona | Published: 01.21.2009 PHOENIX — A suspect who ran away from a traffic stop on Wednesday chose the wrong place to hide when he slipped under a parked moving truck — and then was run over when the driver pulled away. The Arizona Department of Public Safety says an officer stopped 26-year-old Shawn L. Holden in west Phoenix just before 7 a.m. after he ran a red light. Holden gave the officer his license, then ran away and disappeared behind a convenience store. As the officer searched for him, the moving truck driver got back in his truck and started to drive away, running over Holden. The officer stopped the truck and called help for his suspect, who complained of back pain. Holden had a suspended driver license and warrants for DUI and leaving an accident scene. He’ll be booked into jail after treatment.
Was it J.Edgar Hoover who once said: "Legalize crime, then tax them out of business!" ? The government of England seems to have been inspired by that and is taxing itself out of the taxing business. They have raised the tax on cigarettes so high that officially admitted over 1/3 (-but actually over 60%-) of the cigarettes smoked in the UK are smuggled and tax free cigarettes. Officially smoking has increased 6.5% in the last year. Since they probably didn't check with all the smugglers, that figure is probably closer to 10%. Since smoking is the leading cause of statistics, the unemployment rate is expected to drop accordingly, as more people find jobs in compiling statistics.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Amy Re: How do I dump auto replies? Dear Webby, you keep mentioning mailWasher. would that work to weed out mail from people, whom I need to keep in my white-list? I am at the West coast, so naturally some of my replies to the East coast office arrive there after their working hours. I really don't give a hoot whether they read their mail immediately, they never do anyway. I don't want to blacklist the silly ninnies, all I want to do is weed out their automatic replies, whenever they have gone potty or are not at their desk. Amy Dear Amy No problem at all with MailWasher. You simply make a filter that dumps anything with "auto" in the subject line. None of the ninnies are smart enough to change the subject line anyway, and if one of them does use some different wording, it is easy enough to add that to the filter. It's takes about 30 seconds to make a filter in MailWasher, a lot faster than adding chlorine to the gene pool. Have FUN! Dear Webby
During a phone conversation, my niece mentioned that she was taking a psychology course at university. "Oh, great," I said, "Now you'll be analyzing everyone in the family." "No, no," she replied. "I don't take abnormal psychology until next semester."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090101@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Finding Cheap Plants Ask your neighbor if you can have a start or take a cutting of one of their plants. Start exchanging plants with family members. Check out your local farmer's market for plants and also advice. Plants you acquire locally will be better adapted to growing in your climate. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The other day I was waiting for a friend getting ready to go to a meeting. She sat there and put on eyebrow pencil, eye shadow, eyeliner, eyelashes, mascara, toner, blush and lipstick and all kinds of stuff I don't even know the names of, then turned to me and said, "Does this look natural?"
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Chinese New Year
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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