Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, June 9
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman passed out in running Jeep
 Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, June 8 in
1534 Jacques Cartier became the first to sail into the 
river he named Saint Lawrence. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
All phone calls are obscene.
--- Karen Elizabeth Gordon

Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory as 
the wish to forget it.
--- Michel de Montaigne (1533 - 1592)

My favorite animal is steak.
--- Fran Lebowitz
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a gathering, and
his hostess naturally broached the subject in which the
doctor was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me,
Doctor," she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in
somebody who appears completely normal?"

"Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask him a simple
question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he
hesitates, that puts you on the track."

"What sort of question?"

"Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips
around the world and died during one of them. Which one?'

The hostess thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh,
"You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I
must confess I don't know much about history."

_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

>From Alf
My mother was away all weekend at a business conference.
During a break, she decided to call home collect. My
six-year-old brother picked up the phone and heard a
stranger's voice say, "We have a Betty on the line. Will you
accept the charges?" Frantic, he dropped the receiver and
came charging outside screaming, "Dad! They've got Mom!
An they want money!"
______________________________________________________



_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________

Reported by the Bausell Sailor:

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by

DUH?

Abby Hart, 
33,
St. Johns
Florida

St. Johns County woman passed out in running Jeep
A St. Johns woman was found passed out in a Jeep --
with the windows up and her foot on the brake, a St. Johns
County Sheriff's report said. 

Abby Hart, 33, was charged with DUI shortly after being found
around noon on Tuesday. 

The St. Johns County Sheriff's Office received a report that a
2016 Jeep Laredo was driving erratically on Valley Ridge
Parkway near Nocatee. Hart's Jeep was followed by a deputy and
later found sitting in the left turn lane on U.S. 1 to Race
Track Road. 

The Jeep had not moved despite several green lights, the
report said. 

Deputies said they were forced to wedge a patrol car in front
of the Jeep to prevent Hart from waking up and possibly
causing a crash by driving off. Hart did wake up, deputies
said, and her Jeep moved forward and struck a patrol car. 

Hart had a Sutter Home Pinot Grigio wine bottle between her
legs, the St. Johns County Sheriff's Office said, and several
empty bottles in the front seat. 

When Hart was asked where she was going, she said she was
going home and that the police needed to let her go, the
report said. She also attempted to go back to sleep while in
the car, police said. 

Hart refused to perform field sobriety tests and refused to
take a breath test, police said. 

Hart was held overnight in the St. Johns County Jail and was
released early Wednesday on $1,000 bail.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Janina
Re: Forwards
Dear Webby,
I imagine you get this question now and then but I would
like to ask you anyway....
those silly "forwards" we get that say .....

This is the coolest thing I have ever gotten. All you have
to do is send it to 7 people and watch your screen, it is
the funniest clip. I can't tell you what is but I was
laughing so hard I almost fell off my chair!!! So, send
it to those 7 people and watch. ...
Janina

Dear Janina
Those are all just gullibility traps for collecting addresses
to spam to. If somebody is silly enough to forward stuff
like that, chances are good that all kinds of snake oil
can be sold to them.

The only chain letter that does not get you onto a spam
list is this one:
Safe Chain
http://webby.com/humor/fert.html

Have FUN!
DearWebby



Daffinitions:

1.Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders
the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts
until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people
that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer,
unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the
near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the
purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic
wit and the person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you
are running late.

10. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

11. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.

12. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending
off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the
Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

13. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through
the day consuming only things that are good for you.

14. Glibido: All talk and no action.

15. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem
smarter when they come at you rapidly.

16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed
just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

17. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that
gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and can
not be cast out.

18. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding
half a worm in the fruit you're eating.



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Growing Peppers in Containers

By Duane De Vries [1 Post, 59 Comments]
I'm in West Michigan, zone 5 I think. I have very good success
using what is referred to as Self Watering Containers. I use 5
gallon food grade plastic buckets that I get from a pizza
shop. If you are not familiar with Self Watering Containers
they are a container with a false bottom about 3 inches or so
from the real bottom. Cut an opening in this false bottom and
fasten a plastic jar that has holes int it.
When you fill the container with your potting soil, fill this
first, then the rest of the container. This will act as a wick
to draw up water. I put a length of tubing (hose or whatever)
through the false bottom so it extends out the top for easy
access. Drill an overflow hole in the bucket about a half inch
or so below the false bottom. Then when adding water through
the tube, if you add too much, it will drain out. This method
allows the plants to draw water as needed.

I have successfully grown regular tomatoes, cherry tomatoes, a
variety of peppers (green bell, hot peppers) in these. They
are spread about on my deck as my arthritis prevents me from
the old style of garden. I'm very pleased with the results.


____________________________________________________
 
Lullabye to an elephant

____________________________________________________

John had given Judi one of those new fangled electric
coffee makers for an anniversary present.  Within a week
she was taking it back to the store.

The lady at the return counter asked her if it worked.

"Oh sure, it makes a great cup of coffee.  Just like the
booklet said, I plug it in, set the timer, go on to bed, and,
when I get up, the coffee's ready!"

"So, ma'am, what's wrong with it?"

"I don't want to have to go to bed every time I want to make
a pot of coffee."
___________________________________________________


 
Seven materials that may change our lives forever. 
One cold and rainy day, a French tourist in Scotland decided
to find out if the natives were as tight as he had heard. He
stopped at a farm cottage, told the farmer's wife he was
freezing to death, and was invited to come in and warm himself
at the hearth. Once inside the house, he complained of being
thirsty. The woman handed him an enormous white crockery mug
filled with milk. After taking a big swig, the guest
exclaimed, "This is sweet and fresh ... you are most
generous!"

She replied modestly, "It's nothing. My family wouldn't drink
that milk because we found a dead rat in it."

Sick to his stomach, the Frenchman clapped both hands over
his mouth, allowing the huge mug to fall to the floor and
shatter on the stone floor.

The Scotswoman grabbed her broom, raised it high in the air,
brought it down on the visitor's head, and hollered, "Get out,
you ungrateful pig! I take you in my home, I let you share my
fire, I give you milk to drink ... and now you repay my
kindness by breaking the children's potty chair!"



Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
____________________________________________________

Thanks to Dianne, who used to have a trucking company,
for this story:

Truck driving in 1962
Back about 1962 when I had just started driving tank
trucks, me and my instructor each drove separate trucks.
One night as we were returning to our delivery area, we
were hauling road oil, we stopped for coffee at an
old truck stop along old route 66 in south central Illinois.

As we drank our coffee outside the restaurant, two guys
came along with a large male raccoon. My instructor asked
what they were going to with it and they said "we don't know"

My buddy asked them:"Do you want to see something funny?"
They said sure, so my buddy gets an old gym bag out of his
truck, dumps his stuff out of it, borrows a pair of gloves
and stuffs that mad raccoon into the bag and zips it shut.

The next move was to take the bag set it alongside the main
highway and run back to the station parking lot.

Just as planned, an old turquoise Plaza Plymouth screeches
to a stop, a long arm reaches out and snags the bag.

Off they go with a cloud of blue smoke following them.
About the time the car gets to sixty, more blue smoke from
sliding tires, the doors fly open and everybody bails out
and they are looking back.

Pretty soon that nasty raccoon comes ambling out of the car,
and everybody in the parking lot is on the ground laughing.
Well worth the loss of an old gym bag.

____________________________________________________




Today, on June 9, in
1064 Coimbra, Portugal fell to Ferdinand, the King of Castile.


1534 Jacques Cartier became the first to sail into the river
he named Saint Lawrence. 

1790 John Barry copyrighted "Philadelphia Spelling Book." It
was the first American book to be copyrighted. 

1790 Civil war broke out in Martinique. 

1860 The Ms. Ann Stevens book "Malaeska, the Indian Wife of
the White Hunter" was offered for sale for a dime. It was the
first published "dime novel." 

1923 Bulgaria's government was overthrown by the military. 

1931 Robert H. Goddard patented a rocket-fueled aircraft
design. 

1934 Donald Duck made his debut in the Silly Symphonies
cartoon "The Wise Little Hen." 

1940 Norway surrendered to the Nazis during World War II. 

1943 The withholding tax on payrolls was authorized by the
U.S. Congress. 

1945 Japanese Premier Kantaro Suzuki declared that Japan would
fight to the last rather than accept unconditional surrender. 

1959 The first ballistic missile carrying submarine, the USS
George Washington, was launched. 

1978 Leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day
Saints struck down a 148-year-old policy of excluding black
men from the Mormon priesthood. 

1980 Richard Pryor was severely burned by a "free-base"
mixture that exploded. He was hospitalized more than two
months. 

1985 Thomas Sutherland, an American educator, was kidnapped in
Lebanon. He was not released until November 1991. 

1986 The Rogers Commission released a report on the Challenger
disaster. The report explained that the spacecraft blew up as
a result of a failure in a solid rocket booster joint. 

2000 Canada and the United States signed a border security
agreement. The agreement called for the establishment of a
border-enforcement team. 

2000 The U.S. House of Representatives voted to repeal gift
and estate taxes. The bill called for the taxes to be phased
out over 10 years. 

2001 Patrick Roy (Colorado Avalanche) became the first
National Hockey League (NHL) player to win three Conn Smythe
Trophies. The award is given to the playoff's Most Valuable
Player. 

2011 The world's first artificial organ transplant was
performed. It was an artificial windpipe coated with stem
cells. 

2017  smiled.
 
 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, June 8

It was time to replace the battery in my watch. That used to
be no problem. I used to just go to Walmart, buy the battery
and flirt the lady into changing it for me.

Well, times have changed. Watch batteries now are $6.27, and
there are signs there that the staff won't change the
batteries for you.

It's actually quite easy if you have good sight or a
magnifying glass or sheet. More in the tech support pits.

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Drug Dealer Brags Over Live Stream About His Cash 
Just As Cops Bust In And Raid His Home.
 Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, June 8 in
0452 Italy was invaded by Attila the Hun. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, 
ask him: 'Whose?'
--- Don Marquis (1878 - 1937)

Ours is the age that is proud of machines that think 
and suspicious of men who try to.
--- H. Mumford Jones (1892 - 1980) 
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________
A news story said the police caught a guy trying to cash a
phony check and took him down to the station. While the
officers were distracted, the crook grabbed the check off the
desk and swallowed it.

No problem:  the police waited five or six hours and then
charged the guy with passing a bad check.
Twice.
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________
 had lost weight over the past few years,
and was heaving items from the wardrobe, that no longer fit,
into a box that a boyscout held for a charity drive.

"Wow," Text-End said, "I must have worn these when I
was 195."

The boyscout looked puzzled, then asked,
"How old are you now?"
______________________________________________________



_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________

Reported by the Bausell Sailor:

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by

Breon Hollings,
22,
 Jacksonville, 
Florida

Drug Dealer Brags Over Live Stream About His Cash 
Just As Cops Bust In And Raid His Home

Breon Hollings started a Facebook Live stream to show off all
of his drug money. What he didn’t expect was that the police
were already outside with a search warrant, and they were
coming in (video below.)

22-year-old Breon Hollings can be seen counting money in a
Facebook Live video and repeatedly exclaiming, “This
[expletive] don’t stop, man,” for about a minute before he
hears deputies on a loudspeaker outside his home.

As Hollings runs out of the room, deputies can be heard in the
background shouting, “This is Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office.
We have a search warrant.” This is followed by a series of
loud noises, which neighbors told Fox 30 were smoke grenades
thrown into the house.

Hollings was arrested and charged with possession of a
controlled substance, possession of cocaine and possession of
paraphernalia for the manufacture or delivery of drugs.

Hollings has a long criminal history in Duval County,
including previous drug charges, court and Jackson Sheriff’s
Office records show.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Me
Re: Change watch battery
Dear Webby
How to change a watch battery

For many years I used to go to Walmart, buy a watch battery,
and  flirt the lady there to install it for me.
Now they raised the price of watch batteries and have signs
there that they won't install watch batteries.

Well, that is a nuissance, but not really a big deal.
Here is how you change a watch battery:

You need a sharp small screwdriver, the old-fashioned flat
balde type, and, depending on your eyesight, a magnifying
glass or magnifying sheet.

Lay the watch face down on the table or clamp it into a toy or
craft vise.

Take the screwdriver or a knife and pry up the back. 
You will be surprised how easily it comes up. Since usually
your wrist presses it in, it does not have to be glued or
screwed in.

Once the back plate is off, you will see the battery.
Check with the magnifying glass to read the number and compare
with the one you bought.
If they are the same, look for the + sign.
If you see a + sign, then the new battery has to be in there
the same way, with the + sign on top.

Now take your little screwdriver or a tooth pick and lift out
the old battery. Toss it, so that there is no chance of a mix-
up.

Now push in the new batter so that the + faces in the same
direction.

Finally, put the back plate back on, push it in as far as it
goes, and check if it is on straight.
If it is on straight, put a book on it and whack the book with
a fist or elbow.
Done.
That's all there is to it.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



The preacher spent his whole sermon relating the evils of
sin and how all men are sinners with no exceptions.

At the end of the sermon he asked rhetorically, "Now does
anyone here think they are without sin?"

He had only to wait a few seconds before a man in one of
the back pews stood up.

The pastor asked the man who had the audacity to stand
after such a fiery sermon, "Sir, do you really think you are
completely without sin?"

The man quickly answered, "No sir, I'm not standing up for
myself, but for my wife's first husband."



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Marigolds to Control Bugs on Your Tomato Plants

By poehere [41 Posts, 50 Comments]
The marigold flower is the best way to control bugs on your
tomato plants. The roots of the flower control the bugs in the
soil and the flower will protect your plants from bug
infestation. When you plant your tomato plants in the ground,
surround them with marigold flowers.

The flowers are easily grown from seeds or you can gather your
own seeds from the dried flowers. Once the flowers have died
pick them and pull them apart. Inside each flower is a lot of
grain.
The flowers will self germinate. During heavy winds or rains
the dead flowers will lose their seeds. The seeds are spread
around the garden and will grow again. Therefore, its only
necessary to buy one or two packages of marigold seeds for
your garden. You can recover your flower seeds each year and
store them in an air tight container in your refrigerator.
This preserves the seeds for 8 months to 1 year. 


____________________________________________________
 
First person video of Joplin Tornado 2011 - Very dark, audio only. The next video is of where they they were actually were during the tornado!
Aftermath of where they actually were during the tornado

____________________________________________________

At a Wal-Mart in Grand Rapids, Michigan, a man stole a pair
of Backroad Blues brand blue jeans.

He took the jeans into the dressing room, took off his old
ones, cut the tags off the new ones, and left his old jeans
and the tags from the new ones in the dressing room while he
walked out of the store.

He was arrested the next day.
The new jeans were on sale for $9.92.
His old jeans had $15 and a printed out letter to him that
included his AOL address, in a pocket.
___________________________________________________


 
A bizarre street in New Zealand.

Margie received a bill from the hospital for her recent
surgery, and was astonished to see a $900 fee for the
anesthesiologist.  She called his office to demand an
explanation.

"Is this some kind of mistake?" Margie asked when she
got the doctor on the phone.

"No, not at all," the doctor said calmly.

"Well," said Margie, "that's awfully costly for knocking
someone out."

"Not at all," replied the doctor. "I knock you out for free.
The 900 dollars is for bringing you back around."



Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
____________________________________________________
Thanks to Roland for this one:

I ain't much for shopping,
Or for goin' into town
Except at cattle-shipping time,
I ain't too easily found.

But the day came when I had to go -
I left the kids with Ma.
But 'fore I left, she asked me,
"Would you pick me up a bra?"

So without thinkin' I said, "Sure,"
How tough could that job be?
An' I bent down and kissed her
An' said, "I'll be back by three."

Well, I done the things I needed,
But I started to regret
Ever offering to buy that thing -
I worked me up a sweat

I walked into the ladies shop
My hat pulled over my eyes,
I didn't want to take a chance
On bein' recognized.

I walked up to the sales clerk -
I didn't hem or haw -
I told that lady right straight out,
"I'm here to buy a bra."

>From behind I heard some snickers,

So I turned around to see
Every woman in that store
Was a'gawkin' right at me!

"What kind would you be looking for?"
Well, I just scratched my head.
I'd only seen one kind before,
"Thought bras was bras," I said.

She gave me a disgusted look,
"Well sir, that's where you're wrong.
Follow me," I heard her say,
Like a dog, I tagged along.

She took me down this alley
Where bras was on display.
I thought my jaw would hit the floor
When I saw that lingerie.

They had all these different styles
That I'd never seen before
I thought I'd go plumb crazy
'fore I left that women's store.

They had bras you wear for eighteen hours
And bras that cross your heart.
There was bras that lift and separate,
And that was just the start.

They had bras that made you feel
Like you ain't wearing one at all,
And bras that you can train in
When you start off when you're small.

Well, I finally made my mind up -
Picked a black and lacy one -
I told the lady, "Bag it up,"
And figured I was done.

But then she asked me for the size
I didn't hesitate
I knew that measurement by heart,
"A six-and-seven-eighths."

"Six and seven eighths you say?
That really isn't right."
"Oh, yes ma'am! I'm real positive -
I measured them last night!"

I thought that she'd go into shock,
Musta took her by surprise
When I told her that my wife's bust
Was the same as my hat size.

"That's what I used to measure with,
I figured it was fair,
But if I'm wrong, I'm sorry ma'am."
This drew another stare.

By now a crowd had gathered
And they all was crackin' up
When the lady asked to see my hat,
To measure for the cup.

When she finally had it figured,
I gave the gal her pay.
Then I turned to leave the store,
Tipped my hat and said, "Good day."

My wife had heard the story
'fore I ever made it home.
She'd talked to fifteen women
Who called her on the phone.

She was still a-laughin'
But by then I didn't care.
Now she don't ask and I don't shop
For women's underwear.

____________________________________________________




Today, on June 8, in
0452 Italy was invaded by Attila the Hun. 

0793 The Vikings raided the Northumbrian coast of England. 

1786 In New York City, commercially manufactured ice cream was
advertised for the first time. 

1790 The first loan for the U.S. was repaid. The Temporary
Loan of 1789 was negotiated and secured on September 18, 1789
by Alexander Hamilton. 

1866 Prussia annexed the region of Holstein. 

1869 Ives W. McGaffey received a U.S. patent for the suction
vacuum cleaner. 

1872 The penny postcard was authorized by the U.S. Congress. 

1904 U.S. Marines landed in Tangiers, Morocco, to protect U.S.
citizens. 

1915 U.S. Secretary of State William Jennings Bryan resigned
in a disagreement over U.S. handling of the sinking of the
Lusitania. 

1934 The Cincinnati Reds became the first Major League team to
use an airplane to travel from one city to another. They flew
from Cincinnati to Chicago. 

1953 The U.S. Supreme Court outlawed segregated restaurants in
Washington, DC. 

1965 U.S. troops in South Vietnam were given orders to begin
fighting offensively. 

1967 Israeli airplanes attacked the USS Liberty in the
Mediterranean during the 6-Day War between Israel and its Arab
neighbors. 34 U.S. Navy crewmen were killed. Israel later
called the incident a tragic mistake due to the mis-
identification of the ship. The U.S. has never publicly
investigated the incident. 

1969 U.S. President Richard Nixon met with President Thieu of
South Vietnam to tell him 25,000 U.S. troops would pull out by
August. 

1978 A jury in Clark County, Nevada, ruled that the "Mormon
will," was a forgery. The work was supposedly written by
Howard Hughes. 

1982 U.S. President Reagan became the first American chief
executive to address a joint session of the British
Parliament. 

1987 Fawn Hill began testifying in the Iran-Contra hearings.
She said that she had helped to shred some documents. 

1991 A victory parade was held in Washington, DC, to honor
veterans of the Persian Gulf War. 

1994 The warring factions in Bosnia agreed to a one-month
cease-fire. 

1995 U.S. Air Force pilot Captain Scott O'Grady was rescued by
U.S. Marines after surviving alone in Bosnia after his F-16
fighter was shot down on June 2. 

1996 China set off an underground nuclear test blast. 

1998 In the U.S., the FTC brought an antitrust complaint
against Intel Corp., alleging its policies punished other
developers of microprocessor chips. 

1998 Honda agreed to pay $17.1 million for disconnecting anti-
pollution devices in 1.6 million cars. 

1998 The space shuttle Discovery pulled away from Mir, ending
America's three-year partnership with Russia. 

2000 The Dallas Stars and the New Jersey Devils played the
NHL's longest scoreless game in Stanley Cup finals history.
The fifth game of the series lasted 106 minutes and 21
seconds. The game ended with a goal by Mike Madano that
allowed the Stars to play a game six back in Dallas. 

2001 Marc Chagall's painting "Study for 'Over Vitebsk" was
stolen from the Jewish Museum in New York City. The 8x10
painting was valued at about $1 million. A group called the
International Committee for Art and Peace later announced that
they would return the painting after the Israelis and
Palestinians made peace. 

2004 Nate Olive and Sarah Jones began the first known
continuous hike of the 1,800-mile trail down the U.S. Pacific
Coast. They completed the trek at the U.S.-Mexico border on
September 28.

2017  smiled.
 
 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, June 7

A telemarketer gave me a good laugh today.
I was a bit distracted because I was reading an email at the
time, so instead of putting her on (permanent) hold, I said:
"I don't have a phone, send me an email." 
She apologized as I was hanging up.

If she did send an email, Mailwasher washed it.

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Body of Illinois man, who failed to pay tab and 
jumped in Fox River, has been recovered
 Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, June 7 in
1494 Spain and Portugal divided the new lands they 
had discovered between themselves.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
Nothing can be so amusingly arrogant as a young man who has
just discovered an old idea and thinks it is his own.
--- Sidney J. Harris  

Why is it that our memory is good enough to retain the least
triviality that happens to us, and yet not good enough to
recollect how often we have told it to the same person?
--- Francois de La Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________
>From Bill:
I was taking a ground school class for private pilots.
During the session on weather, the instructor wanted
to discuss the concept of sublimation, the act of going
from a gas to a solid, skipping the intermediate liquid
stage. He gave as an example water vapor
in the air icing on a windshield overnight to form ice.

Wanting to see if the class had understood the concept,
the instructor asked if anyone could provide an example
of something that went straight from a solid to a gas.
He was expecting "dry ice'' as the answer.

One of the students blurted out, "Burritos."
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________
When I was discussing fund drives of universities with
a few friends, one told this story:

"I graduated from a private school that I didn't like much.
Once I was outta there, I had no particular desire to ever
contribute to their latest fund drive or future athletic
events.

"Sure enough, a few years ago Alumni Affairs staff called
my folks, got my current number and tracked me down.
'So, what have you been doing with yourself?' some perky
alumnus asked.

"I responded, 'Oh, not a lot.  Just stealing cars, running
moonshine and selling a bit of dope on the side.'

"They've never called back."
______________________________________________________




South Haven, MI, onLake MI 
_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________

Reported by the Bausell Sailor:

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by

Ernest Prentic,
29,
Carpentersville,
Illinois

Body of Illinois man, who failed to pay tab and 
jumped in Fox River, has been recovered

 A man who jumped into the Fox River after allegedly skipping
out on a restaurant tab in a northwest Illinois suburb has
been found dead.

Algonquin police said in a statement that the body of 29-year-
old Ernest Prentic of Carpentersville was discovered in the
river around 6:30 p.m. Friday.

Police were called about 9:20 p.m. Thursday to Nero’s
Restaurant in Algonquin after reports that a man later
identified as Prentic had run out without paying his tab. A
fisherman saw him leap into the river. Dive teams searched the
area until midnight and resumed their search Friday morning.

Prentic’s body has been turned over to the Kane County
coroner’s office.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Priss
Re: Which ISP for DSL
Dear Webby
About the harping on ISP's---I have always been an
earthlink customer and have been very satisfied but I
am thinking of getting DSL---with Southwestern Bell---
What is your opinion on this?
Thanks  Priss

Dear Priss
Southwestern's DSL seems to be OK, like most companies'
DSL. 

Check out what Earthlink can offer you in your area.
Quite often they act as a re-seller or work through local
DSL and are actually cheaper. That way you could stay
with them and would not have to change any addresses.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



A lady lost her handbag at the mall. 
 found it 
and returned it to her.

Looking in her purse, she said, "Hmm, that's funny.  When I
lost my bag, there was a $20 bill in it.  Now there are twenty
$1 bills."

 replied, "That IS funny. 
The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have any
change for a reward."



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Recipe: Ham Stir Fried Rice

A voice on the bank loudspeaker announced: "We will be
testing the speaker system to make sure it will work pro-
perly in case of emergency."

My confidence in this safety precaution faded when the
voice added: "If you are unable to hear this announcement,
please contact the main office."


____________________________________________________
 
talking baby

____________________________________________________

Thanks to David for this one:
(He's not worried that his mother will read his submission.
She's not on the net, because she is afraid she might miss
a call from him)

Phone rings.
JEWISH MOTHER picks up the phone and answers)

Jewish Mother
Hello?

Daughter
Hi Mom. Can I leave the kids with you tonight?

Jewish Mother
You're going out?

Daughter
Yes.

Jewish Mother
With whom?

Daughter
With a friend.

Jewish Mother
I don't know why you left your husband. He is such a
good man.

Daughter
I didn't leave him. He left me!

Jewish Mother
You let him leave you, and now you go out with
anybodies and nobodies.

Daughter
I do not go out with anybody. Can I bring over the kids?

Jewish Mother
I never left you to go out with anybody except your father.

Daughter
There are lots of things that you did and I don't.

Jewish Mother
What are you hinting at?

Daughter
Nothing. I just want to know if I can bring the kids over
tonight.

Jewish Mother
You're going to stay the night with him? What will your
husband say if he finds out?

Daughter
My EX husband. I don't think he would be bothered.
From the day he left me, he probably never slept alone!

Jewish Mother
So you're going to sleep over at this loser's place?

Daughter
He's not a loser.

Jewish Mother
A man who goes out with a divorced woman with
children is a loser and a parasite.

Daughter
I don't want to argue. Should I bring over the kids or not?

Jewish Mother
Poor children with such a mother.

Daughter
Such a what?

Jewish Mother
With no stability. No wonder your husband left you.

Daughter
ENOUGH !!!

Jewish Mother
Don't scream at me. You probably scream at this loser too!

Daughter
Now you're worried about the loser?

Jewish Mother
Ah, so you see he's a loser. I spotted him immediately.

Daughter
Goodbye, mother.

Jewish Mother
Wait! Don't hang up! When are you bringing them over?

Daughter
I'm not bringing them over! I'm not going out!

Jewish Mother
If you never go out, how do you expect to meet anyone?

Daughter
I am going to become a Catholic and look for a Catholic man 
with a Catholic mother!
___________________________________________________


 
Mesmerizing weather photography and the music goes so perfect with the storms.

>Thanks to Martin for a little ecumenical information -
 Four Religious Truths
1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's chosen people.

2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.

3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of
    the Christian World.

4. Baptists do not recognize each other at Hooters.



Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
____________________________________________________
A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. The
doctor gave him a thorough examination, found
absolutely nothing physically wrong with him,
and then told him,
"Listen, if you ever expect to cure your insomnia,
you just have to stop taking your troubles to bed with you."

"I know," said the man, "but I can't. She will divorce me
if I don't.

____________________________________________________




Today, on June 7, in
1494 Spain and Portugal divided the new lands they had
discovered between themselves. 

1498 Christopher Columbus left on his third voyage of
exploration. 

1546 Peace of Ardes ended the war between France and England. 

1654 Louis XIV was crowned king of France. 

1712 The Pennsylvania Assembly banned the importation of
slaves. 

1775 The United Colonies changed their name to the United
States. 

1776 Richard Henry Lee of Virginia proposed to the Continental
Congress a resolution calling for a Declaration of
Independence. 

1863 Mexico City was captured by French troops. 

1892 J.F. Palmer patented the cord bicycle tire. 

1900 Boxer rebels cut the rail links between Peking and
Tientsin in China. 

1903 Professor Pierre Curie revealed the discovery of
Polonium. 

1929 The sovereign state of Vatican City came into existence
as copies of the Lateran Treaty were exchanged in Rome. 

1932 Over 7,000 war veterans marched on Washington, DC,
demanding their bonuses. 

1935 Pierre Laval received emergency powers to save the franc.


1937 The cover of "LIFE" magazine showed the latest in campus
fashions of the times, which included saddle shoes. 

1939 King George VI and his wife, Queen Elizabeth, arrived in
the U.S. It was the first visit to the U.S. by a reigning
British monarch. 

1942 The Battle of Midway ended. The sea and air battle lasted
4 days. Japan lost four carriers, a cruiser, and 292 aircraft,
and suffered 2,500 casualties. The U.S. lost the Yorktown, the
destroyer USS Hammann, 145 aircraft, and suffered 307
casualties. 

1942 Japan landed troops on the islands of Attu and Kiska in
the Aleutians. The U.S. invaded and recaptured the Alutians
one year later. 

1944 Off of the coast of Normandy, France, the Susan B.
Anthony sank. All 2,689 people aboard survived. 

1948 The Communists completed their takeover of
Czechoslovakia. 

1955 "The $64,000 Question" premiered. 

1966 Sony Corporation unveiled its brand new consumer home
videotape recorder. The black and white only unit sold for
$995. 

1965 In the U.S., the Gemini 4 mission was completed. The
mission featured the first spacewalk by an American. 

1968 In Operation Swift Saber, U.S. Marines swept an area 10
miles northwest of Danang in South Vietnam. 

1968 Legoland Billund opend in Billund, Denmark. It was the
original Legoland park. 

1981 Israeli F-16 fighter-bombers destroyed Iraq’s only
nuclear reactor. 

1983 The U.S. ordered Nicaragua to close all six of its
consulates and informed 21 Nicaraguan consular officials that
they could not longer remain in the U.S. 

1994 The United States District Court for the Eastern District
of Virginia declared the RMS Titanic, Inc. (RMST) salvor-in-
possession of the wreck and the wreck site of the RMS Titanic.


2000 U.S. Federal Judge Thomas Penfield Jackson ordered the
breakup of Microsoft Corporation. They appealed.

2017  smiled.
 
 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, June 6

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida teacher got caught having sex with
student in the back seat of her car.
 Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, June 6 in
1944 The D-Day invasion of Europe took place on the beaches of
Normandy, France. 400,000 Allied Canadian, American, and
British troops were involved. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________



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please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk.
--- Thomas A. Edison (1847 - 1931)

Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those 
in touch with it.
--- Jane Wagner

With ogling, the fine line between a complimenting, 
appreciative glance and an obnoxious stare is 
not measured in seconds, but depends on the mood 
of the ogled person.
--- Socratex
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________
Although we were being married in New Hampshire,
I wanted to add a touch of my home state, Kansas, to the
wedding. My fiancee, explaining this to a friend, said that
we were planning to have wheat rather than rice thrown
after the ceremony.

Our friend thought for a moment. Then he said solemnly,
"It's a good thing she's not from Idaho."
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________
Another reader wrote to talk about her trip to the dentist.
She had her youngest daughter, 3 year old Paige, sitting in
the waiting room with her while Paige's older sister was in
with the dentist.  Paige was keeping herself busy playing with
the toys in the waiting room until she noticed her mom was
resting -- her eyes closed.

With about six other patients waiting, Paige marched right up
to her mother, looked her straight in the face, and shook her
shoulder.  "Mommy!  Wake up!  This is not CHURCH!"
______________________________________________________



Amazing what some people will do to be able to find 
their car in the mall parking lot !
_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________

Reported by the Bausell Sailor:

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by

Saul Nunez,
19,
Bronx,
NY

19-Year-Old Arrested In Unprovoked Beating Of 
90-Year-Old Man

The suspect in Friday's brutal cane attack on a 90-year-old
man in Inwood was arrested last night, the NYPD announced.
According to police, 19-year-old Saul Nunez of the Bronx was
taken into custody last night and charged with two counts of
assault and one count of criminal possession of a weapon by a
felon for allegedly striking a 90-year-old man in the head
with a cane on Friday night.

The 90-year-old man, identified as Juan Llorens, is a bottle
collector known around the block where the attack happened
according to CBS. Llorens told a reporter with the channel
that the attack left him deaf in one ear, and that he had no
idea who Nunez was before Nunez assaulted him.

"Everyone knows him as like the grandfather," a witness told
CBS. "If something happens, I’m not going to let this guy get
attacked."

The Post had further background on Llorens, who was a former
history teacher in Cuba before emigrating to the United
States, where he worked as a butcher in Harlem. Llorens also
told the paper about the attack, telling a reporter “They hit
me with a big bat. I don’t know who it was. He was young and
skinny. He just kept beating me...I don’t understand how
someone can just attack someone like that. This is someone who
is very dangerous."

ABC7 had a pair of surveillance videos of the attack, one that
showed a different angle of the assault and its aftermath as
witnesses aided the victim and another that showed a bystander
chase the suspect while another person on the sidewalk took a
wild swing at the fleeing perp.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Sunny
Re: Date for web page
Dear Webby
How do I put a live date onto my web page? I don't want to
use one of those silly clocks, just a simple display that
shows date and time. Anything I can find on Google was written
by guys, who have too much time on their hands and are too
confusing for me, and most of them don't even work! You
probably have a simpler and better answer.
Thanks
Sunny

Dear Sunny
Paste this where you want the date to show

<.script type="text/JavaScript">
document.write(Date()+".")
<./script>

That produces:



You will have to delete the period after the <
I only put that there so that the code shows OK
in your email.

If you want a very brief date like this to use in text, 
use this:
<.script>
var d = new Date();
document.getElementById("demo2").innerHTML = d.toDateString();
<./script>


Have FUN!
DearWebby



Late one Friday night after a big soccer game the policemen
spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of 
Dublin. They pulled the man over and asked him if he had been
drinking that evening.

"Aye, so I have. The team won, you know, so me and the lads 
stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. And then 
there was something called "Happy Hour" and they served 
these margaritas, which are quite good. I had four or five o' 
those. Then I had to drive me friend Mike home and O' course 
I had to go in for a couple of Guinness - couldn't be rude,
ye
know. Then I stopped on the way home to get another bottle 
for later.."

The man fumbled around in his coat until he located his bottle

of whiskey, which he proudly held up for inspection. The
officer sighed, and said, 
"Sir, I'm afraid I'll need you to step out of the car and take
a Breathalyzer test."

The man said, "Why? Don't ye believe me?!?"

The cop replied: "I do believe ya, Paddy. But after ya fall
flat on yer drunken mug, it's a lot easier to put the
handcuffs on ya."



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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Recipe: Ham Stir Fried Rice

By R Barbara [159 Posts, 80 Comments]

Total Time: 1 hour
Yield: approximately 8 cups
Ingredients:
1 cup chopped ham
1 medium onion, chopped
1 cup sliced carrots
1 cup frozen peas
1 cup frozen green beans, cut into 1-2 inches pieces
10 mushrooms, sliced
3 eggs, scrambled
4 cups cooked rice, I used brown Basmati
2-3 Tbsp oil, I used sesame
soy sauce

Steps:
Chop ham and onions. Slice carrots.
Add 1+ tablespoons of oil to skillet and fry the meat and
veggies until they are tender, crisp. Remove and set aside.

Add rice to skillet and fry, add additional oil as needed.

Scramble eggs and pour into skillet, cook and mix throughout
rice.

Add ham, carrots, and onions back to skillet.
Add peas, beans, and mushrooms. Mix well. Add soy sauce to
taste. Continue stirring until the veggies are hot and tender
crisp.

Serve.


____________________________________________________
 
military planes in action

____________________________________________________

A young couple met with their pastor to set a date for their 
wedding. When he asked whether they preferred a 
contemporary or a traditional service, they opted for the 
contemporary.

On the big day, a major storm forced the groom to take an 
alternate route to the church. The streets were flooded, so 
he rolled up his pants legs to keep his trousers dry.

When he finally reached the church, his best man rushed him 
into the sanctuary and up to the altar, just as the ceremony 
was starting. 

"Pull down your pants," whispered the pastor. 
"Uh, Reverend, I've changed my mind," the groom responded. 
"I think I would prefer the traditional service."
___________________________________________________


 
People are awesome for the month of May 2017.

Howard County Police officers still write their reports by
hand, and the data is entered later by a computer tech into
their database. One theft report stated that a farmer had
lost 2,025 pigs. Thinking that to be an error, the tech
called the farmer directly.

"Is it true Mr. (Smith) that you lost 2,025 pigs?" she
asked.

"Yeth." lisped the farmer.

Being a Howard County girl herself, the tech entered:
"Subject lost 2 sows and 25 pigs."


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
____________________________________________________
Patient: Doctor, what I need is something to stir me up;
something to put me in a fighting mood. Did you put
something like that in this prescription?

Doctor: No need for that. You will find that in your bill.

____________________________________________________




Today, on June 6, in
1674 Sivaji crowned himself King of India. 

1813 The U.S. invasion of Canada was halted at Stony Creek,
Ontario. 

1882 The electric iron was patented by H.W. Seely. 

1924 The German Reichtag accepted the Dawes Plan. It was an
American plan to help Germany pay off its war debts, pay the
Allies for what they had spent on going to Europe and
defeating the Germans.

1925 Chrysler Corporation was founded by Walter Percy
Chrysler. 

1932 In the U.S., the first federal tax on gasoline went into
effect. It was a penny per gallon. 

1933 In Camden, NJ, the first drive-in movie theater opened. 

1936 The first helicopter was tested in a building in Berlin,
Germany. 

1941 The U.S. government authorized the seizure of foreign
ships in U.S. ports. 

1942 The first nylon parachute jump was made by Adeline Gray
in Hartford, CT. 

1942 Japanese forces retreated in the World War II Battle of
Midway. The battle had begun on June 4. 

1944 The D-Day invasion of Europe took place on the beaches of
Normandy, France. 400,000 Allied Canadian, American, and
British troops were involved. 

1982 Israel invaded southern Lebanon in an effort to drive PLO
guerrillas out of Beirut. 

1985 The body of Nazi war criminal Dr. Josef Mengele was
located and exhumed near Sao Paolo, Brazil. Mengele was known
as the "Angel of Death." 

1985 The U.S. Senate authorized nonmilitary aid to the
Contras. The vote authorized $38 million over two years. 

1993 Mongolia held its first direct presidential elections. 

2005 The United States Supreme Court ruled that federal
authorities could prosecute sick people who smoke marijuana on
doctor's orders. The ruling concluded that state medical
marijuana laws did not protect uses from the federal ban on
the drug.

2017  smiled.
 
 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, June 5

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida teacher got caught having sex with
student in the back seat of her car.
 Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, June 5 in
1752 Benjamin Franklin flew a kite for the first time to
demonstrate that lightning was a form of electricity. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________



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please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
It is not enough to aim; you must hit.
--- Italian Proverb

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.
--- Hunter S. Thompson (1939 - 2005)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

>From Donny, the cleanest version of this ancient joke:
Ole is a farmer in Minnesota. He needs a new milk cow, and
hears about one for sale over in Nordakota. (That would be
North Dakota for you non-Scandahoovians out der.)
He drives to Nordakota, finds the farm and looks at the cow.
He reaches under to see if she gives milk. When he grabs the
tit and pulls, the cow farts. 

Ole is surprised. He looks at the farmer selling the cow, then
reaches under the cow to try again.

He grabs another tit, pulls, and the cow farts again. Milk
does come out however, so after some discussion, Ole buys the
cow and takes her home. 

He gets back to Minnesota, and calls over his neighbor Jimmy
Mooney, and says, "Jimmy, come look at dis ere new cow I yust
bought. Pull her tit, and see vat happens." 

So Jimmy reaches under, pulls the tit - and the cow farts. 
Jimmy looks at Ole and sez, "You bought dis here cow in
Nordakota, din'tyah?" 

Ole is surprised since he hadn't told Jimmy about his trip. 

Ole replies, "Yah, dats right. But how'd yah now?" 

Jimmy says, "My wife is from Nordakota."
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

My husband went on a sudden business trip, and I
accompanied him. It soon became apparent that he
could not wrap things up in one day, so his employer
put us up for the night in a luxury hotel. We found a
convenience store and purchased toothbrushes, a
razor and other necessary items.

Finally we entered the lobby of the hotel, each of us
toting a brown paper bag filled with supplies. The
hotel manager looked us over.

Raising an eyebrow, he intoned haughtily,
"Matching luggage?"
______________________________________________________

>from Fausto Casaccia from "We Love Lighthouses"


Brittany la vieille - raz de sein - finistère
_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________

Reported by the Bausell Sailor:

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by


Police Cought Florida Drama Teacher Having 
Sex With Student in Back of Car

Pamela Stigger, 
33, 
Tamarac, 
Florida

A drama teacher in Tamarac, Florida was caught by the police
having sex with her 15-year-old student in the back of a car,
according to the Miami Herald after local residents complained
about an illegally parked car obstructing traffic and nobody
in the front seats. 

Pamela Stigger, 33, claimed she was  only trying to mentor
him,  after police found her at 2 a.m. Thursday,  moments
after she had engaged in sexual acts with a 15-year-old boy in
the back of a car. 
2 am mentoring in the back seat?

The arrest report said the Sheriff's office found the teenager
nude from the waist down and that he told the deputies he had
sex with Stigger.

According to a Sheriff's office spokesperson:  When [Stigger]
was questioned about what they were doing and if they had, in
fact, engaged in sexual acts, she denied being engaged in
these sexual acts, despite the fact that the young man was
undressed. Considering that they were in the BACKseat with
pants down, that did not fly.

She also tried to claim the student tried to seduce her first,
before changing her story to flat out denial.

Stigger is facing two charges of sexual battery and one
count of lewd conduct with a minor. 

She was the student's drama teacher at Forest Glen Middle
School last year and holds a  custodial relationship  over
him.

Stigger who has worked for the school since 2008, has been put
on  administratively reassigned duties away from the school,
and will not be permitted access to students. 

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Sandra
Re: Why PDF?
Dear Webby
Why are people using PDF for e-books?
It makes it impossible to copy just a few paragraphs
or chapters. How do you get around that?
Sandra

Dear Sandra
The main reason why authors use PDF is to protect their
hard work from copy-cats like you, who want to  steal their
work and claim it as their own.

The second reason is that PDF makes a book look
and print the same no matter what kind of computer
the reader uses.

The third reason is that it puts everything, text and
pictures into a nice, neat package without the need
for lots of lose files.

If you just want to copy a paragraph to paste up on your
fridge, use a graphics program and do a screen capture,
size and crop it the way you want it, and then print it.

You can import PDF into Office Libre and some other 
programs.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



An older couple had a son, who was still living with his
parents. The parents were a little worried, as the son was
still unable to decide about his future career, so they
decided to do a small test.

They took a ten-dollar bill, a Bible, and a bottle of whiskey,
and put them on the front hall table... then they hid,
pretending they were not at home.

The father's plan was: "If our son takes the money, he
will be a businessman, if he takes the bible, he will be
a priest - but if he takes the bottle of whiskey, I'm afraid
our son will be a drunkard."

So the parents hid in the nearby closet and waited
nervously.

Peeping through the keyhole they saw their son arrive.
The son saw the note they had left. Then, he took the
10-dollar bill, looked at it against the light, and slid it
in his pocket.

After that, he took the Bible, flicked through it, and
took it.

Finally he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took an
appreciative whiff to be assured of the quality ... then
he left for his room, carrying all three items.

The father slapped his forehead, and said:
"Darn, it's even worse than I could ever have imagined... "

"What's this mean!?" his wife asked quizzically.

"I'm afraid our son's going to be a politician!"



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Growing Chamomile

By EllenB [810 Posts, 1 Comment]
Description:
Chamomile has dainty, daisy-like white flowers with yellow
centers set on top of thin stems of feathery green leaves. It
comes in creeping or trailing varieties, and seldom grows to
more than 12 inches high. Flowers of the creeping varieties
contain properties sought after in the herb garden and give
off a lovely, apple-like scent.

Life Cycle:
hardy perennial
Exposure:
full sun or partial shade
Cultivation:
Chamomile isn't fussy about the soil it grows in and adapts
well to poor conditions. Sow seeds in a sunny location in the
spring and once established, plants will readily reseed and
spread themselves all over your garden. The plants look
straggly when planted on their own and look better in large
groups or "drifts".
Propagation:
division or seeds
Parts Used:
flowers
Harvesting and Storage:
Use a scissors to clip flowers from stems just as they fully
open. Spread them out on racks or in shallow pans to dry, and
store in an airtight container away from direct sunlight.

Medicinal Uses:
insomnia, digestive relief, and mouthwash

Culinary Uses:
teas, German Chamomile can be added to sour cream to top
potatoes

Other Uses:
hair care, skin care, wreaths, dried flowers, potpourri, and
perennial gardens


Camomile is a very hardy weed and will grow nicely in the
center of rural roads even in the Yukon. Once it is firmly
established your "Tea Farm" will spread on it's own. 
Nothing to worry about with lawn. It does not like getting
mowed. You can harvest it all you want, just don't ever mow
it.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

____________________________________________________
 
Tire Jump

____________________________________________________

Clerk in flower shop: "Sorry, we don't have potted
geraniums. Could you use African violets?"

Customer (sadly):  "No, it was geraniums my wife
told me to water while she was gone."
___________________________________________________


 
People are awesome for the month of May 2017.


A tourist walks into a curio shop in San Francisco. Looking
around at the exotica, he notices a very lifelike, life-sized
bronze statue of a rat. It has no price tag, but is so
striking he decides he must have it.

He took it to the owner: "How much for the bronze rat?"
"Twelve dollars for the rat, one hundred dollars for the
story," said the owner.

The tourist gave the man twelve dollars. "I'll just take the
rat, you can keep the story."

As he walked down the street carrying his bronze rat, he
noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the alleys
and sewers and began following him down the street.
This was disconcerting; he began walking faster. But
within a couple blocks, the herd of rats behind him had
grown to hundreds, and they began squealing.

He began to trot toward the Bay, looking around to see
that the rats now numbered in the MILLIONS, and were
squealing and coming toward him faster and faster.

Concerned, even scared, he ran to the edge of the Bay
and threw the bronze rat as far out into the Bay as he
could. Amazingly, the millions of rats all jumped into the
Bay after it, and were all drowned.

The man walked back to the curio shop. "Ah ha,"
said the owner, "You have come back for the story?"

"No," said the man, "I came back to see if you have a
bronze politician?"



Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 


"Young man," the mother sternly addressed her son,
"there were three cookies in the pantry this morning.
May I ask how it happens that there is only one now?"

"It was dark so I didn't notice the last one."

____________________________________________________




Today, on June 5, in
1595 Henry IV's army defeated the Spanish at the Battle of
Fontaine-Francaise. 

1752 Benjamin Franklin flew a kite for the first time to
demonstrate that lightning was a form of electricity. 

1794 The U.S. Congress prohibited citizens from serving in any
foreign armed forces. 

1827 Athens fell to the Ottomans. 

1851 Harriet Beecher Stow published the first installment of
"Uncle Tom's Cabin" in "The National Era." 

1865 The first safe deposit vault was opened in New York. The
charge was $1.50 a year for every $1,000 that was stored. 

1917 American men began volunteering for the World War I
draft. 

1924 Ernst F. W. Alexanderson transmitted the first facsimile
message across the Atlantic Ocean. 

1933 President Roosevelt signed the bill that took the U.S.
off of the gold standard. 

1940 During World War II, the Battle of France began when
Germany began an offensive in Southern France. 

1942 In France, Pierre Laval congratulated French volunteers
that were fighting in the U.S.S.R. with Germans. 

1944 The first B-29 bombing raid hit the Japanese rail line in
Bangkok, Thailand. 

1946 The first medical sponges were offered for sale in
Detroit, MI. 

1947 U.S. Secretary of State George C. Marshall gave a speech
at Harvard University in which he outlined the Marshall Plan. 

1956 Premier Nikita Khrushchev denounced Josef Stalin to the
Soviet Communist Party Congress. 

1967 The National Hockey League (NHL) awarded three new
franchises. The Minnesota North Stars (later the Dallas
Stars), the California Golden Seals (no longer in existence)
and the Los Angeles Kings. 

1967 The Six Day War between Israel and Egypt, Syria and
Jordan began when they attacked israel.

1975 Egypt reopened the Suez Canal to international shipping,
eight years after it was closed because of the 1967 war with
Israel. 

1981 In the U.S., the Center for Disease Control and
Prevention reported that five men in Los Angeles were
suffering from a rare pneumonia found in patients with
weakened immune systems. They were the first recognized cases
of what later became known as AIDS. 

1986 A federal jury in Baltimore convicted Ronald W. Pelton of
selling secrets to the Soviet Union. Pelton was sentenced to
three life prison terms plus 10 years. 

1998 A strike began at a General Motors Corp. parts factory
near Detroit, MI, that closed five assembly plants and idled
workers across the U.S. for seven weeks. 

1998 Volkswagen AG won approval to buy Rolls-Royce Motor Cars
for $700 million, outbidding BMW's $554 million offer. 

2001 Amazon.com announced that it would begin selling personal
computers later in the year. 

2004 The U.S.S. Jimmy Carter was christened in the U.S. Navy
in Groton, CT.

2017  smiled.
 
 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, June 4

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Harlem man shot and killed Pensylvania man at
kindergarten graduation party
 Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, June 4 in
1783 A hot-air balloon was demonstrated by Joseph and 
Jacques Montgolfier. It reached a height of 1,500 feet. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
All power corrupts, but we need the electricity.
--- Socratex

A good friend can tell you what is the matter with you in 
a minute. He may not seem such a good friend after telling.
--- Arthur Brisbane
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________
>From Brianna
My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to
tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I
fished it out and threw it in the garbage.

Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my
bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and
said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one
out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago."
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________
>From Betty
This was written by a black guy in Texas.....so funny.....
what a  great sense of humor and creativity!!!

When I born, I black, when I grow up, I black, when I go
in sun, I  black,  when I cold, I black, when I scared, I
black, when I sick, I black,  and when I die, I still black.

You white folks....when you born, you pink, when you grow
up, you  white,  when you go in sun, you red, when you cold,
you blue, when you  scared, you  yellow, when you sick,
you green, when you bruised, you purple,
and  when you die, you gray.
So who you are callin' colored folk's ???
______________________________________________________



_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________

Reported by the Bausell Sailor:

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by

Tremaine Jamison,
27,
Harlem,
New York

Harlem man shot and killed Pensylvania man at
kindergarten graduation party

Police say a New York City man fatally shot a Pennsylvania man
who was hosting a kindergarten graduation party for his son
and several other children.

Witnesses tell state police that a fight or rough play between
the victim's 6-year-old son and another 6-year-old led to an
argument between adults that ended when 27-year-old Tremaine
Jamison shot 29-year-old Devon Brown in the head.

The party and shooting happened Wednesday evening at the
Marion Terrace Apartments in Hanover Township, Luzerne County.
That's near Wilkes-Barre, about 20 miles (32.2 kilometers)
southwest of Scranton.

Online court records show troopers have charged Jamison with
criminal homicide and possessing a prohibited weapon by a
felon. Police say Jamison lives in the Harlem section of New
York City and police were continuing to search for him Friday.

Jamison has previously been arrested for narcotics possession
in New York City. He also served time for robbery.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Enjo
Re: Why are the blacklists listing me?
Dear Webby
I dont spam, but I have a formal newsletter that, just like
yours, jumps through all the hoops, but now I am blocked by
Yahoo and all their fake fronts like SBCglobal, ATT.net, etc.
Why is that?
Enjo

Dear Enjo
Most likely that is due to bouncing, and not your newsletter. 
When somebody sends spam to you with a fake name before the
@,
then traditionally that is bounced back to the sender.

Nowadays that is used to load down a server and break down the
defenses. A hacker generates countless spams that have for
example your name mis-spelled in the TO line, and a business
or government address forged in as the sender.

So your server bounces those phony mails to that business or
Government server. When the hackers use a whole network of
infected home computers to send a Million phony mails like
that, the bounces overwhelm the victims server. 
The formal name for that is "Backscatter".

If your server bounces mails like that, it gets put into some
blacklists. 

`Not all, but some of the blacklists demand $100 or more to
take you off their blacklist. Quite a racket!

The trick is to NOT get onto those blacklists in the first
place. Set your server to never send bounces. Also, turn off
all autoresponders.

Some of the Blacklists send out entrapment mails. If that
entrapment mail bounces back to their trap, your server is
blacklisted and Yahoo blocks mail from your server.
So, stop all traditional bouncing from your server. 
It`s just another hoop you have to jump through nowadays.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



Thanks to Dianne for this classic:
Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor
of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into
other people's business. Several members did not
approve of her extra-curricular activities, but feared
her enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused George,
the plumber, a new member, of being an alcoholic after
she saw his pickup parked in front of the town's only bar
one afternoon.

She emphatically told George and several others that
everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing.
George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment
and just turned and walked away. He didn't explain,
defend, or deny. He said nothing.

Later that evening, George and his crew of plumbers
apprentices quietly parked their pickup trucks in front of
Mildred's house............. and left them there all night.



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Microwave Corn on the Cob

By Jackie H. [230 Posts, 109 Comments]
You will never boil corn on the cob again. This is easy, and
the tastiest, sweetest corn ever. You are not boiling all the
flavor out of corn.
You can cook 1 or up to 4 at a time. The time may vary with
how many you are cooking. 4 minutes in the Microwave, turning
over at 2:00 minutes. Add 1 minute for add'l ears of corn.
Follow examples in pictures. Being cautious of hot corn when
it comes out of the Microwave. Using Mitts or pot holders is
wise.
Total Time: 4:00 minutes for 1 ear of corn, add'l 1 per ear.
Yield: As many as you wish to cook.
Source: Online for Microwave cooking!
Steps:
Start by removing old dark husks that are loose only.

With a large sharp knife, cut of stump and about 1/4 inch into
the corn.
Cut away the loose silk and dead husks at the top.
Rinse well in cold water.
Put Corn wrapped in wet paper towel in Microwave
Cook on high for 4:00 minutes, turning over after 2:00
minutes. Carefully removing from Microwave with Mitts or pot
holders.
With a Paper towel, just squeeze the thin end of the corn and
your corn should come sliding out with no husks or silk.
Keep squeezing until corn falls out neat & clean
Ready to eat, Hot, sweet and delicious.


And then there is the bachelor way: 
Rinse the cobs
Toss the cobs into the microwave
Nuke them for 4 minutes
Cut off the fat end at the largest point
Grab the hairy end with an oven mitt and squeeze.
IF you cut the fat end at the largest point, 
the corn will slide out without any silk.
Until you get the hang of cutting at the largest point,
you may have to re-cut a bit. Most corn is very fussy about
that. 
If you cut it right, it slides out with minimal effort.
Butter it a bit, sprinkle salt and pepper on it, and enjoy!
Have FUN!
DearWebby

 
Holy Mother Hear My Prayer - Clapton & Pavarotti
____________________________________________________

Two college seniors with an exam the next day had
decided to party the night away instead of study. So, when
they went to the test the next morning, they explained to
the professor that their car had a flat tire the night
before and they needed a bit more time to study.

The professor gave them another day, so that evening the
boys crammed all night until they were sure that they knew
just about everything.

Arriving to class the following morning, each boy was told
to go into separate classrooms to take the exam. They
shrugged and went into their respective rooms. As each
sat down, they read the first question: "For 5 points,
explain the contents of an atom."

At this point, they both thought the exam was going to be
a piece of cake and answered the question with ease.

Then, the test continued:
"For 95 points, tell me which tire it was."
___________________________________________________


 
I'll bet this smells divine.

Thanks to Kati for this story:
Have you ever told a white lie?

Alice was to bake a cake for the ladies' bridge group bake
sale, but she forgot to do it until the last minute.

She baked an angel food cake and when she took it from the
oven, the center had dropped flat.

She said, "Oh dear, there's no time to bake another cake."

So, she looked around the house for something to build up
the center of the cake.

Alice found it in the bathroom ... a roll of toilet paper.

She plunked it in and covered it with icing.

The finished product looked beautiful, so she rushed it to
the sale. Before she left the house, Alice had given her
daughter some money and specific instructions to be at
the bake sale the minute it opened, and to buy that cake
and bring it home.

When the daughter arrived at the sale, the attractive cake
had already been sold.

Alice was beside herself.

The next day, Alice was invited to a friend's home where
two tables of bridge were to be played that afternoon.

After the game, a fancy lunch was served, and to top it off,
the cake in question was presented for dessert.

Alice saw the cake, she started to get out of her chair to
rush into the kitchen to tell her hostess all about it, but
before she could get to her feet, one of the other ladies
said, "What a beautiful cake!"

Alice sat back in her chair and almost wet herself when
she heard the hostess say ..
"Thank you, I baked it myself."



Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 


Here is a real Classic from a long time ago:
COSTELLO BUYS A COMPUTER

ABBOTT:  Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO:  Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm
thinking about
buying a computer.
ABBOTT:  Mac?
COSTELLO:  No, the name's Lou.
ABBOTT:  Your computer?
COSTELLO:  I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT:  Mac?
COSTELLO:  I told you, my name's Lou.
ABBOTT:  What about Windows?
COSTELLO:  Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT:  Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO:  I don't know. What will I see when I look at the
windows?
ABBOTT:  Wallpaper.
COSTELLO:  Never mind the windows. I need a computer and
software.
ABBOTT:  Software for Windows?
COSTELLO:  No. On the computer! I need something I can use to
write
proposals track expenses and run my business. What do you
have?
ABBOTT:  Office.
COSTELLO:  Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT:  I just did.
COSTELLO:  You just did what?
ABBOTT:  Recommend something.
COSTELLO:  You recommended something?
ABBOTT:  Yes.
COSTELLO:  For my office?
ABBOTT:  Yes.
COSTELLO:  OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT:  Office.
COSTELLO:  Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT:  I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO:  I already have an office with windows! OK, let's
just say I'm
sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do
I need?
ABBOTT:  Word.
COSTELLO:  What word?
ABBOTT:  Word in Office.
COSTELLO:  The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT:  The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO:  Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT:  The Word you get when you click the blue "W".
COSTELLO:  I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start
with some
straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have
anything I can
track my money?
ABBOTT:  Money.
COSTELLO:  That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT:  Money.
COSTELLO:  I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT:  It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO:  What's bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT:  Money.
COSTELLO:  Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT:  Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO:  I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT:  One copy.
COSTELLO:  Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT:  Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO:  They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT:  Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(A few days later)
ABBOTT:  Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO:  How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT:  Click on "START"....


____________________________________________________




Today, on June 4
1615 The fortress of Osaka, Japan, fell to shogun Ieyasu after
a six month siege. 

1647 The British army seized King Charles I and held him as a
hostage. 

1674 Horse racing was prohibited in Massachusetts. 

1783 A hot-air balloon was demonstrated by Joseph and Jacques
Montgolfier. It reached a height of 1,500 feet. 

1784 Marie Thible became the first woman to fly in a hot-air
balloon. The flight was 45 minutes long and reached a height
of 8,500 feet. 

1792 Captain George Vancouver claimed Puget Sound for Britain.


1794 British troops captured Port-au-Prince, Haiti. 

1805 Tripoli was forced to conclude peace with U.S. after the
Marines defeated them. 

1812 The Louisiana Territory had its name changed to the
Missouri Territory. 

1816 The Washington was launched at Wheeling, WV. It was the
first stately, double-decker steamboat. 

1878 Turkey turned Cyprus over to Britain. 

1896 Henry Ford made a successful test drive of his new car in
Detroit, MI. The vehicle was called a "Quadricycle." 

1911 Gold was discovered in Alaska's Indian Creek. 

1918 French and American troops halted Germany's offensive at
Chateau-Thierry, France. 

1919 The U.S. Senate passed the Women's Suffrage bill. 

1924 An eternal light was dedicated at Madison Square in New
York City in memory of all New York soldiers who died in World
War I. 

1931 The first rocket-glider flight was made by William Swan
in Atlantic City, NJ. 

1935 "Invisible" glass was patented by Gerald Brown and Edward
Pollard. 

1939 The first shopping cart was introduced by Sylvan Goldman
in Oklahoma City, OK. It was actually a folding chair that had
been mounted on wheels. 

1940 The British completed the evacuation of 300,000 troops at
Dunkirk, France after a failed invasion attempt. 

1942 The Battle of Midway began. It was the first major
victory for America over Japan during World War II. The battle
ended on June 6 and ended Japanese expansion in the Pacific. 

1943 In Argentina, Juan Peron took part in the military coup
that overthrew Ramon S. Castillo. 

1944 The U-505 became the first enemy submarine captured by
the U.S. Navy. 

1944 During World War II, the U.S. Fifth Army entered Rome,
which began the liberation of the Italian capital. 

1946 Juan Peron was installed as Argentina's president. 

1947 The House of Representatives approved the Taft-Hartley
Act. The legislation allowed the President of the United
States to intervene in labor disputes. 

1954 French Premier Joseph Laniel and Vietnamese Premier Buu
Loc initialed treaties in Paris giving "complete independence"
to Vietnam. 

1960 The Taiwan island of Quemoy was hit by 500 artillery
shells fired from the coast of Communist China. 

1974 The Cleveland Indians had "Ten Cent Beer Night". Due to
the drunken and unruly fans the Indians forfeited to the Texas
Rangers. 

1974 Sally Murphy became the first woman to qualify as an
aviator with the U.S. Army. 

1985 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld a lower court ruling
striking down an Alabama law that provided for a daily minute
of silence in public schools. 

1986 Jonathan Jay Pollard, a former Navy intelligence analyst,
pled guilty in Washington to spying for Israel. He was
sentenced to life in prison. 

1986 The California Supreme Court approved a law that limited
the liability of manufacturers and other wealthy defendants.
It was known as the "deep pockets law." 

1989 In Beijing, Chinese army troops stormed Tiananmen Square
to crush the pro-democracy movement. It is believed that
hundreds, possibly thousands, of demonstrators were killed. 

2003 The U.S. House of Representatives passed a bill that
would ban "partial birth" abortions with a 282-139 vote. 

2003 Amazon.com announced that it had received more than 1
million orders for the book "Harry Potter and the Order of the
Phoenix." The released date was planned for June 21. 

2008 The United Kingdom and Canada became the first countries
to be able to buy and rent films at the iTunes Store.

2017  smiled.
 
 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, June 3

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Utah Mom Locked Kids In Car Trunk 
To Shop At Walmart
 Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, June 3 in
1098 Christian Crusaders of the First Crusade 
seized Antioch, Turkey. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.
-- Abraham Lincoln

To see what is in front of one's nose needs a 
constant struggle.
--- George Orwell (1903 - 1950)

One thing you will probably remember well is any time you
forgive and forget.
--- Franklin P. Jones
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Two friends rented a boat and went fishing in a lake. The
first day, they caught 30 fish. As they were preparing to go
into shore, one man said to the other, "Let's mark this spot
so we can come here again tomorrow."

The next day, when they were driving to rent the boat, the
same guy said, "Did you mark that spot?"

His friend replied, "Yeah, I put a big 'X' on the bottom of
the boat."

The first one said, "That was dumb! What if we don't get the
same boat today?"
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

  came home from school and mentioned
evolution. Dad hit the roof and started screaming that
evolution was nonsense.
"You migt have descended from an ape!" he yelled,
"But I sure didn't!"

-----------
Actually, that is a joke my dad told at the kitchen table
about 60 years ago.
______________________________________________________



_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________

Reported by the Bausell Sailor:

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by

Tori Castillo,
39,
Riverdale,
Utah

Utah Mom Locked Kids In Car Trunk 
To Shop At Walmart

A Utah mom faces child abuse charges after she allegedly
locked her two kids in the trunk of a car and went shopping at
Walmart.

Tori Castillo was arrested and booked into jail Thursday,
according to a police news release obtained by Gephardt Daily.

She has been charged with four counts of child abuse involving
physical injury and one of retail theft, according to the
Weber County Sheriff's Office.

Riverdale police arrived at a Walmart Thursday for a report of
child neglect, according to the news release. A witness told
them that a woman had locked children in a car's trunk.
Several people heard noise coming from inside the trunk. The
kids, ages two and five, were "moving frantically," "causing
the vehicle to shake."

Charity Maw heard them pounding against the wall, she told
Good4Utah. “The little girl’s voice, just screaming, 'let me
out! I’m scared,'” Maw said.

“I was shocked, I was shaken, and I was mad.”
Shopper Heidi, who didn't want her last name used, told Fox 13
she told the girl how to open the trunk’s emergency latch. The
two sweaty children jumped out right away.

While they waited for police to get there, the mother came
back from the store, Heidi told Fox 13.

"The only explanation she had was, 'My babysitter didn't show
up.'"

Police say the children were released to their father,
according to Good4Utah. The state's Department of Child and
Family Services is also investigating.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Marian
Re: Spam complaints from Juno
Dear Webby
I run a legitimate newsletter but now and then my web host
forwards me spam complaints from Juno. They don't take
them serious, and they say they just forward them for my
amusement, but should I be concerned?
How do you deal with situations like that?
Marian

Dear Marian
The cause of those complaints is some JUNO user clicking
on their "This is spam" button to put your newsletter on
vacation-hold, so that it does not fill up their mailbox while
they are away.

The "techs" at JUNO's mail department don't check, they
blindly malfunction and send out spam complaints.

Just send them a letter telling them that they are a bunch of
incompetent idiots. You can be as abusive as you want,
since the apes there can't read anyway. As long as
something comes back, the matter is settled. It seems
that their complaints are just a klutzy way of checking if
the stuff was sent by a spam machine, or by a human.
A spam machine ignores them, a human tells them they
are a bunch of %$& @#$%s.

Just make sure they don't think you are a spam machine '-)

Actually, I have not seen any complaints from there in a
while. Maybe they are slowly smartening up?

Don't automate your reply to them! That will get you blocked
by the Blacklists and your newsletter will really be in
trouble!

Have FUN!
DearWebby



Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to
each other outside the operating room.
The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"
The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and
I'm a little nervous."

 The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had
that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you
wake up they give you lots of Jell-o and ice cream. It's a
breeze."

The second kid then asks, "What are you
here  for?" 

The first kid says, "A circumcision."

"Whoa!", the second kid replies. "Good luck buddy. I had that
done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year."



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Cleaning Fingernails After Gardening

By ShirleyE [161 Posts, 103 Comments]

Even if you wear gardening gloves your hands and fingernails
get ingrained with dirt that is hard to remove.
So, before you put your gloves on, scratch a dampened bar of
soap. Don't worry if the soap falls out of your nails as you
do your gardening, there will still be enough soapiness under
them to make this work.

When you clean your hands later, simply add a little more soap
to your nailbrush and the dirt will easily wash away.
Most soils are alkaline so just as an extra measure to
counteract this and to help prevent your skin and nails
becoming dry course and brittle, add a little vinegar, lemon
juice or other acidic foodstuff to a bowl of water for a final
rinse.


 
when you try to pour water over Hoover Dam
____________________________________________________

While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate
agent which direction was north because, he explained, he
didn't want the sun waking him up every morning.

She asked, "Does the sun rise in the North?"

When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east,
(and has done so for a few Million years), she shook her
head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff."
___________________________________________________


 
I'll bet this smells divine.

Thanks to Martin for this one:
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the
Director,
 "What is the criterion that defines a patient to be
institutionalized?"

"Well..." said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, and
offer a  teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient
and ask them to empty  the bathtub."

1. Would you use the spoon?

2. Would you use the teacup?

3. Would you use the bucket?

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person
would  choose the bucket as it is larger than the spoon
or the teacup."

The answer:







 "Noooooo," said the Director. "A normal person would pull the
plug".



Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 


Alternative Names For Cubicles

Soul-Sucking Pod o' Death
Tomb of the Unknown Bureaucrat
Slack-In-The-Box

Headquarters, Jodie Foster Fan Club
Peon Palazzo
Yuppie Terrarium

The SnackFood Triangle
English Majors Entry Point
Luxury Manhattan Apartment.

Picasso's Folly
Porn Downloading Headquarters
Fortress of Servitude

Fartorium
Keyboard test lab
Wraparound Turbo Demoralizer 2017


____________________________________________________




Today, on June 3
1098 Christian Crusaders of the First Crusade seized Antioch,
Turkey. 

1539 Hernando De Soto claimed Florida for Spain. 

1621 The Dutch West India Company received a charter for New
Netherlands (now known as New York). 

1784 The U.S. Congress formally created the United States Army
to replace the disbanded Continental Army. On June 14, 1775,
the Second Continental Congress had created the Continental
Army for purposes of common defense and this event is
considered to be the birth of the United States Army. 

1800 John Adams moved to Washington, DC. He was the first
President to live in what later became the capital of the
United States. 

1805 A peace treaty between the U.S. and Tripoli was completed
in the captain's cabin on board the USS Constitution. 

1851 The New York Knickerbockers became the first baseball
team to wear uniforms. 

1856 Cullen Whipple patented the screw machine. 

1888 "Casey at the Bat" the poem by Ernest Lawrence Thayer was
first published. 

1918 The Finnish Parliament ratified its treaty with Germany. 

1923 In Italy, Benito Mussolini granted women the right to
vote. 

1932 Lou Gehrig set a major league baseball record when he hit
four consecutive home runs. 

1937 The Duke of Windsor, who had abdicated the British
throne, married Wallis Warfield Simpson. 

1938 The German Reich voted to confiscate so-called
"degenerate art" (modern art). 

1952 A rebellion by North Korean prisoners in the Koje prison
camp in South Korea was put down by American troops. 

1965 Edward White became the first American astronaut to do a
"space walk" when he left the Gemini 4 capsule. 

1970 Har Gobind Khorana and colleagues announced the first
synthesis of a gene from chemical components. 

1989 Chinese army troops positioned themselves to begin a
sweep of Beijing to crush student-led pro-democracy
demonstrations in Tiananmen Square. 

1999 Slobodan Milosevic's government accepted an international
peace plan concerning Kosovo. NATO announced that airstrikes
would continue until 40,000 Serb forces were withdrawn from
Kosovo. 

2017  smiled.
 
 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, June 2
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Thanks Joseph!!

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman arrested with meth in bra, 
told cop she bought it at yard sale.
 Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, June 2 in
1774 The Quartering Act, which required American 
colonists to allow British soldiers into their 
houses, was reenacted. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________

The word 'meaningful' when used today is nearly always
meaningless.
--- Paul Johnson
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________
>From Wendy
Brenda, pregnant with her first child, was paying a visit to
her obstetrician's office. When the exam was over, she shyly
began, "My husband wants me to ask you..." 

"I know, I know." the doctor said, placing a reassuring hand
on her shoulder, "I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine
until late in the pregnancy." 

"No, that's not it at all," Brenda confessed. "He wants to
know if I can still mow the lawn."
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

>From Noella
Every member of the Mensa organization has an IQ in the top 2
percent and has to pass a difficult test of logic and
reasoning to be admitted. 

A few years ago, there was a Mensa convention in San
Francisco, and several members ate dinner at a local café.
While dining, they discovered that their salt shaker contained
pepper and their pepper shaker contained salt. How could they
swap the contents of the bottles without spilling them, using
only the implements at hand? Clearly this was a job for these
Mensa members.

The group debated and presented ideas and finally came up with
a brilliant solution involving a napkin, a straw, and an empty
saucer. They called the waitress over to dazzle her with their
solution.

"Miss," they said, "we couldn't help but notice that the
pepper shaker contains salt and the salt shaker—"

"Oh," the waitress interrupted. "Sorry about that." She
unscrewed the caps of both bottles and switched them.
______________________________________________________



_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________

Reported by the Bausell Sailor:

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by

Christina Sarao,
35,
Vero Beach,
Florida

Florida woman arrested with meth in bra, 
told cop she bought it at yard sale.

Christina Sarao, 35, got pulled over in front of a home for
not wearing a seat belt, but when the deputy asked for her ID
she got out of her truck and started running, TC Palm reports.

Sarao initially told the deputy her name was Holly Smith and
her ID was inside her grandmother’s home, but the deputy
recognized her since he “had prior interactions with her,”
according to TC Palm. 

Once the deputy caught Sarao she allegedly yelled to him “I
have to poop and I’m pregnant!” the arrest report states. She
later admitted to the deputy that she wasn’t pregnant and the
home she parked at was not her grandmother’s, according to TC
Palm. 

When the deputy searched Sarah he found meth and a pipe in her
bra, which she told the deputy she bought at a yard sale down
the street, according to TC Palm. 

Sarao was taken to the Indian River County jail on charges of
driving with a suspended license, possession of
methamphetamine, giving a false name while detained, and
resisting arrest, TC Palm Reports. 

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Britta
Re: What is the best microphone type?
Dear Webby
I know you answered this last year, but I didn't save it.
What type of microphone is best ? Stationary, cheek,
front boom, or lapel?
Britta

Dear Britta
Voice quality is usually best with a cheek or side boom,
but if they are just hanging on one ear, they are a real
nuisance.

Second best voice quality is with a lapel mike, a real
lapel mike made for that purpose, not any other mike
pinned to your front.

Stationary microphones are excellent, if you are in a
sound booth and wearing a DJ's neck brace. If you
look to the side at a wall calendar, your voice fades,
yet the microphone will pick up a fan in the next room.
Amplified directional mikes overcome those problems,
because they allow you to be farther away and have a
wider focus.

Front boom mikes can be absolute worst, especially
if an amateur positions the microphone right in front of
the mouth and terrorizes the listeners with
"chicken-scratch", the harsh sounds produced by
"t"s "p"s and other "explosive" consonants recorded from
too close. Worst of all is when somebody holds the
microphone from a head set in their hand and waves
it in front of their mouth.

If you use a cheap front-boom mike, position it so that it
is at chin level, never at lip level ! Resist any pranksters
that want you to move it closer for more volume. If you
need more volume, go into the Windows Control Panel,
Sound Options, crank up the microphone volume and
select microphone boost.

With microphone boost set to ON, you can usually bend
a front boom to the side of your cheek, out of the line of
fire from the explosive consonants and still get plenty
of volume.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




>From Angie
I pulled into a crowded parking lot and rolled down the car
windows to make sure my Labrador retriever had fresh air.
She was stretched out on the back seat, and I wanted to
impress upon her that she must remain there. I walked to
the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying
emphatically, "Now you stay. Do you hear me? Stay!"

The driver of a nearby car gave me a startled look.
"I don't know about you," he said incredulously.
"But I usually just put my car in park."



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Gluten Free Strawberry Delight

By Litter Gitter [210 Posts, 673 Comments]

My daughter gave me the recipe to try. I made it gluten free
for my son's birthday. He and I both are allergic to wheat
gluten and this cake is a real treat for us. It's so good, we
made a pig of ourselves eating it.
Gluten Free Strawberry Delight
Strawberries are about to go out of season but you can leave
them off and just use the strawberry glaze and it is still
good. When I get my family together, this is what they want
for dessert.

Ingredients:
Gluten free Angel Food Cake*
8 oz cream cheese
1 cup confectioners' sugar
1 Tbsp milk
8 oz Cool Whip
1 pt whole fresh strawberries, halved.
16 oz package of strawberry glaze (found in the produce
section)
*This recipe calls for Angel Food Cake. For a delicious
homemade gluten free angel food cake, use my recipe posted on
Thrifty Fun. Gluten Free Angel Food Cake

Steps:
Let cream cheese sit out until it is soft.
Cut cake in half across to make two layers.
In mixing bowl, beat cream cheese, confectioners sugar and
milk until smooth. Spread between layers and stack on a cake
plate. Spread remaining mixture on top and around sides of
cake. Place in the refrigerator and chill for a couple of
hours or over night.

Frost cake all over with Cool Whip. Decorate with the
strawberries and drizzle with strawberry glaze.


 
Mother's Day Pic
____________________________________________________

The difference between a neurotic and a psychotic is that,
while a psychotic thinks that 2 + 2 = 5, a neurotic knows the
answer is 4, but it worries him.
___________________________________________________


 
There was a lot to learn to become a Stewardess in the sixties. Those ladies were not just eye candy!


A bride called to make a change to her wedding registry.
It is common, almost expected, that a bride will change
something on her registry at least once (dishes, color of
towels, sheets, bathroom items, etc.).
The Customer Service Representative told her
that J.C. Penney would be happy to make the change.
He asked if the bride wanted to change the dishes or the
linens.

The bride said, "No, keep all that. I just wanted to change
the name of the groom. The first one chickened out and I had
to get another one."



Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 


>From Paul
One semester when my brother, Peter, attended the
University of Minnesota in Minneapolis, an art-student
friend of his asked if he could paint Peter's portrait for
 a class assignment.  Peter agreed, and the art student
painted and submitted the portrait, only to receive a C
minus.

The art student approached the professor to ask why
the grade was so poor.

The teacher told him that the proportions in the painting
were incorrect.

"The head is too big," the professor explained.  "The
neck is too thin,  the shoulders are too wide, and the
feet are enormous. Nobody is THAT ugly. You did a
carricature. We do that next semster."

The next day, the art student brought Peter to see the
professor.

He took one look at my brother and said, "Okay, A minus."


____________________________________________________




Today, on June 2
1537 Pope Paul III banned the enslavement of Indians. 

1774 The Quartering Act, which required American colonists to
allow British soldiers into their houses, was reenacted. 

1793 Maximillian Robespierre initiated the "Reign of Terror".
It was an effort to purge those suspected of treason against
the French Republic. 

1818 The British army defeated the Maratha alliance in Bombay,
India. 

1835 P.T. Barnum launched his first traveling show. The main
attraction was Joice Heth. Heth was reputed to be the 161-
year-old nurse of George Washington. 

1851 Maine became the first U.S. state to enact a law
prohibiting alcohol. 

1883 The first baseball game under electric lights was played
in Fort Wayne, Indiana. 

1896 Guglieimo Marconi's radio telegraphy device was patented
in Great Britain. 

1897 Mark Twain, at age 61, was quoted by the New York Journal
as saying "the report of my death was an exaggeration." He was
responding to the rumors that he had died. 

1910 Charles Stewart Roll became the first person to fly non-
stop and double cross the English Channel. 

1924 All American Indians were granted U.S. citizenship by the
U.S. Congress. 

1928 Nationalist Chiang Kai-shek captured Peking, China. 

1930 Mrs. M. Niezes of Panama gave birth to the first baby to
be born on a ship while passing through the Panama Canal. 

1933 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt accepted the first
swimming pool to be built inside the White House. 

1946 Italians voted by referendum to form a republic instead
of a monarchy. 

1953 Elizabeth was crowned queen of England at Westminster
Abbey. 

1954 U.S. Senator Joseph McCarthy charged that there were
communists working in the CIA and atomic weapons plants. 

1957 Soviet Premier Nikita Khrushchev was interviewed by CBS-
TV. 

1966 Surveyor 1, the U.S. space probe, landed on the moon and
started sending photographs back to Earth of the Moon's
surface. It was the first soft landing on the Moon. 

1969 The National Arts Center in Canada opened its doors to
the public. 

1969 Australian aircraft carrier Melbourne sliced the
destroyer USS Frank E. Evans in half off the shore of South
Vietnam. 

1979 Pope John Paul II arrived in his native Poland on the
first visit by a pope to a Communist country. 

1985 The R.J. Reynolds Company proposed a major merger with
Nabisco that would create a $4.9 billion conglomerate. 

1995 Captain Scott F. O'Grady's U.S. Air Force F-16C was shot
down by Bosnian Serbs. He was rescued six days later. 

1998 Royal Caribbean Cruises agreed to pay $9 million to
settle charges of dumping waste at sea. 

1998 Voters in California passed Proposition 227. The act
abolished the state's 30-year-old bilingual education program
by requiring that all children be taught in English. 

1999 In South Africa, the African National Congress (ANC) won
a major victory. ANC leader Thabo Mbeki was to succeed Nelson
Mandela as the nation's president. 

2003 In the U.S., federal regulators voted to allow companies
to buy more television stations and newspaper-broadcasting
combinations in the same city. The previous ownership
restrictions had not been altered since 1975. 

2003 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that companies could not be
sued under a trademark law for using information in the public
domain without giving credit to the originator. The case had
originated with 20th Century Fox against suing Dastar Corp.
over their use of World War II footage. 

2003 William Baily was reunited with two paintings he had left
on a subway platform. One of the works was an original Picasso
rendering of two male figures and a recreation of Picasso's
"Guernica" by Sophie Matisse. Sophie Matisse was the great-
granddaughter of Henri Matisse.

2017  smiled.
 
 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, June 1

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Sex assault case comes to light after girl 
caught watching porn in school
 Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, June 1 in
1944 Siesta was abolished by the government 
of Mexico.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
When you have the courage to tell the truth about what you're
really afraid of, fear doesn't have control over your life.
--- Ali Vincent
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

The minister gave his Sunday morning service, as usual, but
this particular Sunday, it was considerably longer than
normal.

Later, at the door, shaking hands with parishioners as they
moved out, one man said, "Your sermon, Pastor, was simply
wonderful - so invigorating and inspiring and refreshing."

The minister of course, broke out in a big smile, only to hear
the man say, "Boy, I felt like a new man when I woke up!"
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

If you consider that there has been an average of 160,000
troops in the Iraq theater of operations during the last 22
months, that gives a firearm death rate of
60 per 100,000.

The firearm death rate in Washington, DC is
80.6 per 100,000.

That means that you are 25% more likely to be shot and
killed in the US Capitol than if you are in Iraq.

That does not include other violent forms of death.

Conclusion: Pulling out of Washington, DC should be
given at least 25% higher priority than pulling out of Iraq.

(My numbers may need updating!)
______________________________________________________



_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________

Reported by the Bausell Sailor:

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by

Anthony Garay,
31,
San Antonio,
Texas

Sex assault case comes to light after girl 
caught watching porn in school

A Southwest Bexar County man is facing charges of continuous
sexual assault of a child after the case came to light in an
unusual way. The alleged victim, a nine-year-old girl, told it
all after she was caught watching pornography in school,
according to an arrest warrant affidavit.

Anthony Garay, 31, was arrested Tuesday as the result of an
investigation by the Bexar County Sheriff's Office.
The affidavit said a teacher confronted the girl May 17 after
she noticed her watching pornography on a school-issued iPad
the previous day.

The girl responded saying that a friend was helping her search
the internet for more information on what Garay had been
doing
to her, the affidavit said.

School officials reported the allegations to the sheriff's
office and investigators questioned the child.

The affidavit said that she told them Garay had been
performing sex acts on her since she was seven or eight years
old, and continued until that week. She also said that he had
done the same thing to her sister.

The court document also said that Garay had been under
investigation by Child Protective Services in the past
regarding allegations of sexual assault involving the same two
children. However, it did not disclose what the outcome of
that investigation was.

Garay`s father has been on the run since he was sentenced to
serve ten years for identical charges.
There was no mention of the girl`s parents. Maybe they are on
the run too.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Alene
Re: Web Mail or POP mail
Dear Webby
What is the difference between Web Mail and POP mail?
Alene

Dear Alene
Traditional POP mail is stored at your local dial-up or high
speed Internet provider and you pull it down to your
computer with an email program that sits on your computer.

Web Mail sits on a web server somewhere, often half a world
away from you, and you use a mail program that is on that
server to work on your mail. You save what you want to keep
onto your computer.

Web mail is more flexible and you can check your mail from
any cyber cafe or friends place or from work, without having
to install a mail program first.

Some people prefer good old POP style email, just like some
people prefer Diesel engines over Gasoline. Both types work
well, and it just a matter of personal preferences.

Some types of email providers use a mix of the two. For
example Gmail is basically a Web Mail, but you can set it in
the settings to act like POP mail and to forward the cleaned
mail to your POP address at your own domain or your local ISP.
Gmail is excellent for doing the rough primary spam cleaning
of your mail. What is then forwarded to your domain or ISP
based mail just needs just some final fine-tooth cleaning with
MailWasher.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




Thanks to Dianne for these  Out Of Office messages:
1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you
if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.

2. You are receiving this automatic notification because
I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't
have received anything at all.

3. I will be unable to delete all the emails you send
me until I return from holiday on 4 April.
Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the
order it was received.

4. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been
charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each
additional word in your message.

5. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server
connection and is unable to deliver this message.
Please restart your computer and try sending again.
(The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see
how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).

6. Thank you for your message, which has been added
to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place,
and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19
weeks.

7. I've run away to join a different circus.

8. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for
medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as '
Margaret' instead of 'Jay'.

9. I am currently out of the office. Well, not really.
But with the amount of mail I get, this is the only way
to deal with it. You can interprete my quick and timely
response to your question as a "Definite Maybe".

10. I am currently attending a midlle management seminar
on office safety. Come and join us! It's at Joe's Bar and
Grill down the street.



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

This is slightly cleaned up from Shakespearean days:
A well-dressed business man was walking down the street when
a rough-looking little kid stopped him and asked, "Sir, can
you tell me the time?"

The gentleman carefully unbuttoned his coat and jacket,
removed a large watch from a vest pocket, looked at it and
said, "It is a quarter to three, young man."

"Thanks," said the boy. "At exactly three o'clock you can
kiss my butt!"

With that, the kid took off running, and with an angry cry,
the outraged businessman started chasing him. He had not
been running long when an old friend stopped him.

"Why are you running to like a maniac?" asked the friend.

Gasping and almost incoherent with fury, the business man
said, "That little brat asked me the time and when I told
him it was quarter to three he told me that at exactly
three, I could kiss his butt!"

"So what's your hurry," said the friend, looking at his own
watch. "You still have twelve minutes."


 
Lemur wants to be petted 
____________________________________________________

>From Mia
One day while driving with my 4-year-old daughter
I beeped the horn by mistake.

She turned and looked at me for an explanation.

I said, "I did that by accident."

She replied, "I know that,
'cause you didn't yell '@#$%^& BIMBO!' afterward!"
___________________________________________________


 
A very brave woman who is finally getting the recognition she deserves. Too bad she didn't get it while she was alive.


>From Brent
My girlfriend Tricia called me as she was driving to an
appointment. She arrived, and I could tell from her voice that
she was getting frustrated.  Finally she said, "I know I had
my cell phone with me. And now I can't find it!"

I replied, "Aren't you talking on it!?"

There was a solid period of stunned silence as the reality
of the situation sank in - followed by, "I will murder you, if
you tell anybody about this!"



Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 


A Pastor was called to a local nursing home to perform
a wedding.

An anxious old man met him at the door.

The pastor sat down to counsel the old man and asked
several questions. "Do you love her?"

The old man replied, "Nope."

"Is she a good Christian woman?"

"I don't know for sure," the old man answered.

"Does she have lots of money?" asked the pastor.

"I doubt it."

"Then why are you marrying her?" the preacher asked.

"Cause she can drive at night," the old man said.


____________________________________________________




Today, on June 1
1533 Anne Boleyn, Henry VIIIÆs new queen, was crowned. 

1774 The British government ordered the Port of Boston closed.
That did not go over well at all.

1861 The first skirmish of the U.S. Civil War took place at
the Fairfax Court House, Virginia. 

1869 Thomas Edison received a patent for his electric voting
machine. It was never used.

1877 U.S. troops were authorized to pursue bandits into
Mexico. 

1892 The General Electric Company (GE) began operations after
the merging of the Edison General Electric and the Thomson-
Houston Electric companies. 

1896 In Paris, France, the first recorded automobile theft
occurred. The Peugeot of Baron de Zuylen de Nyevelt was stolen
by his mechanic. 

1915 Germany conducted the first zeppelin air raid over
England. 

1916 The National Defense Act increased the strength of the
U.S. National Guard by 450,000 men. 

1921 A race riot erupted in Tulsa, OKlahoma. 85 people were
killed. 

1935 The Ingersoll-Waterbury Company reported that it had
produced 2.5 million Mickey Mouse watches during its 2-year
association with Disney. 

1938 Baseball helmets were worn for the first time. 

1939 The Douglas DC-4 made its first passenger flight from
Chicago to New York. 

1941 The German Army completed the capture of Crete as the
Allied evacuation ended. 

1942 The U.S. began sending Lend-Lease materials to the Soviet
Union. 

1943 During World War II, Germans shot down a civilian flight
from Lisbon to London. 

1944 The French resistance was warned by a coded message from
the British that the D-Day invasion was imminent. 

1944 Siesta was abolished by the government of Mexico. 

1954 In the Peanuts comic strip, Linus' security blanket made
its debut. 

1958 Charles de Gaulle became the premier of France. 

1958 IBM ended its design of machines that contained
electronic tubes. 

1961 Radio listeners in New York, California, and Illinois
were introduced to FM multiplex stereo broadcasting. A year
later the FCC made this a standard. 

1963 Governor George Wallace vowed to defy an injunction that
ordered the integration of the University of Alabama. 

1970 Zimbabwe came into existence. It was formerly known as
Rhodesia. 

1972 In Iraq, The Ba'athist government nationalized the
western-owned Iraq Petroleum Company and turned operations
over to the Iraq National Oil Company. 

1977 The Soviet Union formally charged Jewish human rights
activist Anatoly Shcharansky with treason. He was imprisoned
until 1986. 

1978 The U.S. reported the finding of wiretaps in the American
embassy in Moscow. 

1979 In the U.S., the government-controlled ceiling on oil
prices ends. The control was phased out over 28 months. 

1980 Cable News Network (CNN) made its debut as the first all-
news station. 

1989 Disney World's "Typhoon Lagoon" opened. 

1995 At Disneyland Paris, the attraction "Space Mountain: From
The Earth to the Moon" opened. 

1998 In the U.S., the FDA approved a urine-only test for the
AIDS virus. 

1998 A $124 million suit was brought against Goodyear Tire &
Rubber that alleged discrimination towards black workers. 

1999 Merrill Lynch chairman David Komansky announced that the
firm would soon allow its customers to buy and sell stocks
over the Internet. 

2008 The Phoenix Mars Lander became the first NASA spacecraft
to scoop Martian soil. 

2009 General Motors filed for Chapter 11 Bankruptcy. The
filing made GM the largest U.S. industrial company to enter
bankruptcy protection. 

2017  smiled.
 
 

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---

Large font version on Yahoo 

Wednesday, May 31, 2017, 10:12 AM
Posted by Administrator

<B></B>

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, May 31

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Home invader arrested after elerly man knocks
her down and holds her until cops arrive,
after she had bloodied his wife with a club
 Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, May 31 in
1977 The trans-Alaska oil pipeline was finished after 
3 years of construction. It still works just fine.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
Skill Without Imagination Is Craftsmanship And Gives Us
Many Useful Objects Such As Wickerwork Picnic Baskets.
Imagination Without Skill Gives Us Modern Art.
--- Tom Stoppard
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

A Couple Drove Down A Country Road For Several Miles,
Not Saying A Word.

An Earlier Discussion Had Led To An Argument And Neither
Of Them Wanted To Concede Their Position.  As They Passed
A Barnyard Of Mules, Goats, And Pigs, The Husband Asked
Sarcastically, "Relatives Of Yours?"

"Yep," The Wife Replied, "In-Laws."
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

Thanks To Mary Fields For This Story:
This May Come As A Surprise To Those Of You Not Living In
Las Vegas But There Are More Catholic Churches There
Than Casinos.

Not Surprisingly, Some Worshippers At Sunday Services
Will Give Casino Chips Rather Than Cash When The Basket
Is Passed.

Since They Get Chips From So Many Different Casinos, The
Churches Have  Devised A Method To Collect The Offerings.
The Churches Send All Their Collected Chips To A Nearby
Franciscan Monastery For Sorting And Then The Chips Are
Taken To The Casinos Of Origin And Cashed In.

This Is Done By The Chip Monk!
______________________________________________________



_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by

Rehnu Singh,
50,
San Jose,
California

Home Invader Arrested After Elerly Man Knocks
Her Down And Holds Her Until Cops Arrive
After She Had Bloodied His Wife With A Club

An Elderly Man Who Said He Pleaded To No Avail For Help From
Bystanders Managed To Beat Back His Wife’S Alleged Assailant
Sunday Night, Holding Down The Suspect In Front Of His Home
Until Santa Clara County Sheriff’S Deputies Arrived And
Arrested Her.

Yousef Youkhaneh, 82, Told This News Organization That After
Wrestling With The Home Invader And Being Dragged Onto Mckee
Road In Front Of His Home, He Looked Up Only To See People
Slow Down Their Cars Not To Help, But To Take Photos Of The
Struggle, Then Drive On. No One Stopped To Give Him Aid, He
Said.

"I Said, "Call Police, Somebody Help Me! I Am Tired,"
Youkhaneh Recalled From His Backyard Monday Afternoon, Where
The Incident Began. "Nobody Did Anything."

After 10 Minutes, He Said, Santa Clara County Sheriff’S
Deputies Arrived To Arrest Rehnu Singh, A 50-Year-Old San Jose
Woman Already On Probation For Burglary. She Was Booked Into
Santa Clara County Jail For Investigation Of Elder Abuse,
Assault With A Deadly Weapon, Attempted Burglary And Probation
Violation, Said Sheriff’S Sgt. Richard Glennon.

Glennon Said Sheriff’S Deputies Had Been Called Around 5:50
P.M. In Response To An Apparent Assault Of A Woman By A Man In
The Street, But Soon Discovered Otherwise.

Youkhaneh Said He Was Inside His Home Going Over Paperwork
When He Heard His Wife Screaming For Help Outside The Door To
The Couple’S Backyard. He Rushed Out To See His 76-Year-Old
Wife Christina Youkhaneh With A Bloodied Head After Singh Had
Allegedly Hit Her With A Heavy Branch. The Gash Required Eight
Stitches.

Drops Of His Wife’S Blood Were Still Visible On The Back Door
And Pavement Monday As He Recalled Her Laying On The Ground,
Exhorting Him Not To Let Singh Get Away.

"She Had Tools In Her Hand And She Tried To Hit Me," Said The
Retired Auto Body Shop Owner, Showing Bite Marks Left On His
Hand From The Attack. "But I Didn’T Let Her Go."

As They Headed Out Along His Driveway That Leads Straight Into
Traffic, Youkhaneh Managed To Grab Singh’S Ankle. By The Time
They Got To The Sidewalk Bordering The Traffic, "I Fell Down
And She Fell Down," He Said, Lifting His Left Pant Leg To Show
His Skinned Knee. "But I Didn’T Let Her Go. I Held Onto Her
With All My Power."

Singh Screamed To Witnesses:  "I Didn’T Do It; The Man Did
It!" Youkhaneh Said. He Looked Up And Saw People — Across The
Street, On The Sidewalk, And Many Slowing Down Their Cars To
Take Photos With Their Phones, And He Called For Help.

"Why Didt They Help?" He Asked Monday. "What Kind Of People
Is This Taking Pictures? Maybe Someday It Happens To Them."

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Yahoos
Re: Switch to regular font size
Dear Webby
How Do I Switch From Large To Regular Font?

Similar Messages From Various Yahoos.

Dear Yahoos
You Got The Regular Version.
Possibly You Turned The Mouse Scroll Wheel While Holding The
Ctrl Or Sgrg Key, Or Since This Affected Only Yahoos, Possibly
It Was Something Yahoo Did.

Just Use The Ctrl Key And The Scroll Wheel To 
Zoom The Font To A Comfortable Size.

By The Way, Any Yahoos Or Hotmail Victims, If You Experience
Irregtularities With The Newsletter Delivery, Just Switch To A
More Respectable Address, Like For Example A Gmail Address.
You Don't Have To Give Up The Old A Ddress, Just Get The Gmail
Address On The Side.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



Thanks To Cookie For The Rules She Lives By:
If A Motorist Cuts You Off, Just Turn The Other Cheek.
Nothing Gets The Message Across Like A Good Mooning.

Follow Your Dream! Unless It's The One Where You're At Work
In Your Underwear During A Fire Drill.

Don't Assume Malice For What Stupidity Can Explain.
(That's About Aol Tech Support)

One Good Turn Gets Most Of The Blankets.

Marriage Is The Triumph Of Imagination Over Intelligence.
Second Marriage Is The Triumph Of Hope Over Experience.

Before Marriage, A Man Yearns For The Woman He Loves.
After Marriage, The 'Y' Becomes Silent.

You Never Really Learn To Swear Until You Learn To Drive.
(The Corollary Is: You Never Learn To Pray Until Your Kids
Learn To Drive!)

A Man Usually Feels Better After A Few Winks,
Especially If She Winks Back.



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Ham and Cheese Popovers
By Lalala... [824 Posts, 106 Comments]
Ingredients:
1 Can Refrigerated Crescent Roll Dough (6 Crescents)
1 Cup Chopped Ham (I Used Black Forest Deli Ham)
1 Cup Cheddar Cheese, Shredded

Directions:
Preheat The Oven To 425 Degrees F. Spray Muffin Pan With A
Non-Stick Spray.
Unroll The Crescent Dough And Separate Them Along The Precut
Lines. Divide The Ham And Cheese Equally On To Each Crescent
Triangle.

Starting At The Wide End, Roll Up Each Crescent, Finishing At
The Pointy End. You Can Trim Off The Excess Dough On The End,
I Just Push It Down Into The Center Of The Roll.

Place The Popovers Into Prepared Muffin Pan And Bake For 10
Minutes Or Until Puffy And Golden Brown.

Servings:6
Prep Time:10 Minutes
Cooking Time:10 Minutes
Source: "Cook It In A Cup" Cookbook


 
Lemur wants to be petted 
____________________________________________________

A Husband Read An Article To His Wife About How Many Words
Women Use A Day...
30,000 To A Man's 15,000.

The Wife Replied, "The Reason Has To Be Because We Have To
Repeat Everything To Men.

The Husband Then Turned To His Wife And Asked, "What?"
___________________________________________________


 
Let's arm chair travel today.

A Kleptomaniac Woman Had Been Caught Shoplifting In A
Supermarket And Had  To Appear In Court, Taking Along Her
Long-Suffering Husband For Marital Support.

The Prosecution Proved That The Theft Had Taken Place So
The Judge Told   Her That, Considering Her Record, He Was
Forced To Impose A Jail Term.

"This Time You Stole A Can Of Tomatoes.  Let Us Suppose
That There Were  Six Tomatoes In The Can.  Do You Agree?"

The Woman Agreed.

"Then I Sentence You To Six Nights In Jail."

The Husband Jumped To His Feet, Addressing The Judge,
"Your Honor, May I   Approach The Bench?"

"Well," Said His Honor, This Is Somewhat Unusual But I Will
Make An Exception In This Case.  You May Approach The
Bench."

The Husband Wasted No Time Getting There And, Leaning
Forward, He Whispered, "She Also Stole A Can Of Peas."



Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 


A Man Is Driving With His Wife At His Side And His
Mother-In-Law In The Backseat.

The Women Just Won't Leave Him Alone.

His Mother-In-Law Says, "You're Driving Too Fast!"

His Wife Says, "Stay More To The Left."

After Ten Mixed Orders, The Man Turns To His Wife And
Asks, "Who's Driving This Car - You Or Your Mother?"

____________________________________________________




Today, on May 31
1433 Sigismund Was Crowned Emperor Of Rome. 

1859 In London, Big Ben Went Into Operation. 

1870 E.J. Desemdt Patented Asphalt. 

1884 Dr. John Harvey Kellogg Patented "Flaked Cereal." 

1889 In Johnstown, Pa, More Than 2,200 People Died After The
South Fork Dam Collapsed. 

1900 U.S. Troops Arrived In Peking To Help Put Down The Boxer
Rebellion. 

1902 The Boer War Ended Between The Boers Of South Africa And
Great Britain With The Treaty Of Vereeniging. 

1907 The First Taxis Arrived In New York City. They Were The
First In The United States. 

1909 The National Association For The Advancement Of Colored
People (Naacp) Held Its First Conference. 

1910 The Union Of South Africa Was Founded. 

1913 The 17th Amendment Went Into Effect. It Provided For
Popular Election Of U.S. Senators. 

1915 A German Zeppelin Made An Air Raid On London. 

1927 Ford Motor Company Produced The Last "Tin Lizzie" In Order
To Begin Production Of The Model A. 

1929 In Beverly, Ma, The First U.S. Born Reindeer Were Born. 

1943 "Archie" Was Aired On The Mutual Broadcasting System For
The First Time. 

1947 Communists Seized Control Of Hungary. 

1955 The U.S. Supreme Court Ordered That All States Must End
Racial Segregation "With All Deliberate Speed." 

1961 South Africa Became An Independent Republic. 

1962 Adolf Eichmann Was Hanged In Israel. Eichmann Was A Gestapo
Official And Was Executed For His Actions In The Nazi Holocaust.


1970 An Earthquake In Peru Killed Tens Of Thousands Of People. 

1974 Israel And Syria Signed An Agreement On The Golan Heights. 

1977 The Trans-Alaska Oil Pipeline Was Finished After 3 Years Of
Construction. It Still Works Just Fine.

1979 Zimbabwe Proclaimed Its Independence. 

1994 The U.S. Announced It Was No Longer Aiming Long-Range
Nuclear Missiles At Targets In The Former Soviet Union. 

2003 In North Carolina, Eric Robert Rudolph Was Captured. He Had
Been On The Fbi's 10 Most Wanted List For Five Years For Several
Bombings Including The 1996 Olympic Bombing.

2017  smiled.
 
 

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---

How to choose a domain name 

Tuesday, May 30, 2017, 07:38 AM
Posted by Administrator

<B></B>

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, May 30

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
PA grave robber arrested for assaulting 
man with cerebral palsy.
 Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, May 30 in
1431 Joan of Arc was burned at the stake in Rouen, 
France, at the age of 19. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind 
with an open one.
--- Malcolm Forbes (1919 - 1990)

Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life 
exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has 
tried to contact us.
--- Bill Watterson (1958 - )

The right to be heard does not automatically include
the right to be taken seriously.
--- Hubert H. Humphrey
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

>From Dave:
A property manager of single-family residence was showing
a unit to prospective tenants and asking the usual questions.
"Professionally employed?" he asked.

"We're a military family," the wife answered.

"Children?"

"Oh, yes, ages nine and twelve," she answered proudly.

"Animals?"

"Oh, no," she said earnestly. "They're very well behaved."
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

The young son of a Baptist minister was in church one
morning when he observed very closely the ordinance of
baptism by immersion. He was greatly interested in it,
and the next morning proceeded to baptize his three
cats in the bathtub.

The kitten bore it very well, and so did the young cat, but
the old family cat rebelled. It struggled with him, clawed
and tore him, and got away. With considerable effort he
caught it again and proceeded with the ceremony. But
she acted worse than ever, clawed at him, spit, and
scratched his hands and face.

Finally, after barely getting her splattered with water, he
dropped her on the floor in disgust and said:
"Fine, just be a Methodist."
______________________________________________________




Oops-fergot-to-hold-it-with-both-hands!
_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________

Reported by the Bausell Sailor

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by

Barry Baker, 
29,
West Chester,
Pennsylvania

PA  veteran's grave robber arrested for assaulting 
man with cerebral palsy.

The Pennsylvania dirtbag arrested for sucker punching a man
with cerebral palsy is actually a worse person than he
appears, records show.

Barry Baker, 29, was charged earlier this month with battery
for an unprovoked 2:30 AM attack outside a 7-Eleven in West
Chester (where Baker has lived and worked for a tow company).
As seen in the above surveillance video, Baker, an ex-con,
walloped the 22-year-old victim after mocking the way the man
walked.



Though Baker--charged with assault, harassment, and disorderly
conduct--was initially released on $25,000 bail, he will soon
return to jail after a judge this week issued an arrest
warrant charging him with violating his probation.

According to court records, Baker was placed on three years
probation in October 2015 for violating terms of a probation
sentence imposed following his conviction for theft from a
motor vehicle. In addition to his arrest this month, Baker
allegedly violated his probation by not paying restitution,
fines, and court costs of nearly $4500.

Baker’s rap sheet includes convictions for theft, forgery,
conspiracy, and receiving stolen property. The latter count
stemmed from Baker’s involvement in a crime on par with
punching a guy with cerebral palsy in the face.

In 2007, Baker pleaded guilty to his role in the theft of
hundreds of bronze flag holders that marked the graves of
veterans at two Pennsylvania cemeteries. Baker and his
accomplices stole the markers so that they could be sold as
scrap metal. Police recovered nearly 250 flag holders--worth
about $10,000--from a Pennsylvania scrap company.

Baker, who was charged with 143 counts of intentional
desecration of a venerated object, pleaded guilty to felony
conspiracy and receiving stolen property counts. He was
sentenced to a minimum of eleven-and-a-half months in jail and
a maximum of 23 months in custody. He was also ordered to
participate in a drug or alcohol treatment program and undergo
a mental health evaluation. 

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Elsinore
Re: How to choose domain names
Dear Webby
I know you mentioned it before, but I didn't need that info
at the time and did not save it. What's to watch out for
when choosing a domain name?
Thanks
Elsinore

Dear Elsinore
Above all, a domain name has to be memorable.
It should be short enough and clear enough, so that
you can shout it across a street or meeting room,
and have people remember it correctly.

Also make sure that the extension is a ".com" or a ".biz".
".com" is what people type on autopilot, without thinking.
That is the most valuable one.
"biz" is memorable enough that it works nearly as well.
The name registration cost is the same. We charge
$12 for ".com", "biz", ".net", ".org" and some of the less
useful ones that I don't recommend.

To test memorability, sing a name in the shower. If it
sounds silly or awkward, try something else. If it sounds
good and does not make you stumble, or cringe, then
you have a winner. I have recommended that for over
ten years and it has helped countless people to find
a good name.

You can always Skype me and tell me what you have in mind,
and I'll help you find a short and memorable name.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



A veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see
her doctor. The doctor asked her all the usual
questions, about symptoms, how long had they
been occurring, etc., when she interrupted him:

"Hey look, I'm a vet -- I don't need to ask my
patients these kind of questions: I can tell
what's wrong just by looking. Why can't you?"

The doctor nodded, looked her up and down, wrote
out a prescription, and handed it to her and said,
"There you are. Of course, if that doesn't work,
we'll have to have you put down."



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Organizing Baby Clothes
Quite often when you buy or are given baby or toddler
clothes they come in outfits. A matching top and bottom,
maybe even with a matching hat. One way to keep these items
together is to fold them and put them in large zip-lock bags
before putting them away. You will be able to easily see
the outfit and the bags and be used over and over again.


 
drunk driver drives through Russian airport
____________________________________________________

A pastor went into the pulpit one Sunday morning wearing a
pair of new bifocals. The reading portion of the glasses
improved his vision considerably, but whenever he looked
through the top portion of the glasses he got dizzy.

He explained to the congregation that the new glasses were
causing problems, then said, "I hope you will excuse my
continually removing my glasses. You see when I look
down I can see fine, but when I look at you,
it makes me sick."
___________________________________________________


 
This is what Memorial Day is about, let us remember them.


On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take
all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything,
please make sure it's something we can sell at a profit.
Mrs Beasly, please wake up your husband!"



Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 


A man's car breaks down right in front of a farm and
he's trying to fix it when he hears a voice coming
behind him, "You have water in the gas tank." The man
turns around and all he sees is a cow from the farm.

He goes back to his car and again the same voice says,
"You have water in the gas tank."

The man turns around again and he sees nothing and
nobody except the cow, and the voice defintiely came
from the cow, "You have water in the gas tank."

The man is shocked so he knocks on the door of the
farmer's house. When the farmer answers the door the
man says, "The cow talked to me and said I had water in
my gas tank. He can talk?"

The farmer replied, "Ignore her, that cow barely understands
Diesel engines and doesn't have a clue about gas engines."

____________________________________________________




Today, on May 30
1416 Jerome of Prague was burned as a heretic by the Church. 

1431 Joan of Arc was burned at the stake in Rouen, France, at
the age of 19. 

1539 Hernando de Soto, the Spanish explorer, landed in Florida
with 600 soldiers to search for gold. 

1814 The First Treaty of Paris was declared, which returned
France to its 1792 borders. 

1848 W.G. Young patented the ice cream freezer. 

1868 Memorial Day was observed widely for the first time in
the U.S. 

1883 Twelve people were trampled to death in New York City in
a stampede after a rumor that the Brooklyn Bridge was in
danger of collapsing. 

1896 The first automobile accident occurred in New York City. 

1903 In Riverdale, NY, the first American motorcycle hill
climb was held. 

1911 Ray Harroun won the first Indianapolis 500. At the time,
it was known as International 500-Mile Sweepstakes Race.
Harroun's average speed was 74.59 miles per hour. 

1912 The U.S. Marines were sent to Nicaragua to protect
American interests. 

1913 The First Balkan War ended. 

1921 The U.S. Navy transferred the Teapot Dome oil reserves to
the Department of the Interior. 

1933 Sally Rand introduced her exotic and erotic fan dance to
audiences at Chicago’s Century of Progress Exposition.

1943 American forces secured the Aleutian island of Attu from
the Japanese during World War II. 

1958 Unidentified soldiers killed in World War II and the
Korean conflicts were buried at Arlington National Cemetery. 

1967 Daredevil Evel Knievel jumped 16 automobiles in a row in
a motorcycle stunt at Ascot Speedway in Gardena, CA. 

1967 The state of Biafra seceded from Nigeria and Civil war
erupted. 

1971 Mariner 9, the American deep space probe blasted off on a
journey to Mars. 

1981 In Chittagong, Bangladesh, President Ziaur Rahman was
assassinated. 

1982 Spain became the 16th NATO member. Spain was the first
country to enter the Western alliance since West Germany in
1955. 

1983 Peru's President Fernando Belaunde Terry declared a state
of emergency and suspended civil rights after bombings by
leftist rebels. 

1989 The "Goddess of Democracy" statue (33 feet height) was
erected in Tiananmen Square by student demonstrators. 

1996 Britain's Prince Andrew and the former Sarah Ferguson
were granted an uncontested decree ending their 10-year
marriage. 

1997 Jesse K. Timmendequas was convicted in Trenton, NJ, of
raping and strangling a 7-year-old neighbor, Megan Kanka. The
1994 murder inspired "Megan's Law," requiring that communities
be notified when sex offenders move in. 

1998 A powerful earthquake hit northern Afghanistan killing up
to 5,000. 

2017  smiled.
 
 

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---

Head set or separate microphone? 

Monday, May 29, 2017, 10:28 AM
Posted by Administrator

<B></B>

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, May 29
Memorial Day in the USA: 
Honor those, who have died while in the military.

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
PT Cruiser stolen from man after he 
hires prostitute
 Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, May 29 in
585 BC The first recorded prediction of a solar eclipse was
made in Greece. 2602 years ago they knew that Earth was round
and the sun was the center of the solar system, and how the
solar system worked. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
No man ever listened himself out of a job.
--- Calvin Coolidge (1872 - 1933) 

There's no workman, whatsoever he be, 
that may both work well and hastily.
--- Chaucer (c. 1343 - 1400)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________
There were these two guys out hiking when they came upon an
old, abandoned mine shaft. Curious about its depth they
threw in a pebble and waited for the sound of it striking
the bottom, but they heard nothing. They went and got a
bigger rock, threw it in and waited. Still nothing. They
searched the area for something larger and came upon a
railroad tie. With great difficulty , the two men carried it
to the opening and threw it in. While waiting for it to hit
bottom, a goat suddenly darted between them and leapt into
the hole!

The guys were still standing there with astonished looks
upon their faces from the actions of the goat when a man
walked up to them. He asked them if they had seen a goat
anywhere in the area and they said that one had just jumped
into the mine shaft in front of them! The man replied, 'Oh
no. That couldn't be *my* goat, mine was tied to a railroad
tie.'
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

Thanks to Tsehainesh from Addis Ababa
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of
children while they drew.  She would occasionally walk
around to see each child's work.

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently,
she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."

The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what
God looks like."

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing,
the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
______________________________________________________



_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________

Reported by the Bausell Sailor

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by

April Marie Phillips, 
36,
Jacksonvile,
Florida

PT Cruiser stolen from man after he 
hires prostitute

A woman faces a charge of car theft after police said a man
was assaulted Monday at a Jacksonville hotel. 

The victim said he met and picked up a suspected prostitute
named April Marie Phillips, 36. The two of them went to get a
room at the Scottish Inn on Phillips Highway. 

Once the man and Phillips approached the hotel room, an
unknown man met the victim and Phillips outside the room. 

About five minutes after the three entered the room, the
unknown man took the man's car keys, the police report said.
The man asked for his keys back, but the unknown man and
Phillips refused, police said.

Police reported that the unknown man then punched the victim
multiple times in the face and Phillips hit the victim in the
back of the head. The victim said his cellphone was taken from
him and that they tried to take his wallet.

The victim said Phillips and the man kicked him several times
while he was on the floor.

Phillips and the unknown man fled in the victim's PT Cruiser,
police said. The victim said called police after he woke up
from passing out. 

The man was taken to St. Vincent's Hospital for possible
broken ribs and facial injuries.
Police said they found and arrested Phillips, who was standing
in the Eagle Inn parking lot. 

As police questioned Phillips, they said she said that she
knew what this was about. She said a guy picked her up for sex
and drugs and said she had nothing else to say, police said. 

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Mario
Re: Head Set or separate microphone?
Dear Webby
What is better for phone over the Internet, a headset
or a separate microphone and earphones?
Thanks
Mario

Dear Mario
If you want to sound like a DJ or if you are participating
in teleconferences, get a wireless lapel mike and a mike
pre-amplifier with graphic equalizer, and a set of noise
canceling cup type earphones.

At the opposite end of the quality spectrum is a headset
from the dollar store, complete with boom microphone and
a too short 3 foot cord.

A good compromise is $30 headset with boom mike,
and an additional cord extension. 6 wire cords are often
ridiculously overpriced and it pays to shop around for
those. Otherwise you could wind up paying more for the
extension cord than for the head set.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



Thanks to Billie for bringing back this classic:
Thought you might like this one, Peace, Billie

Two dogs were walking down the street.  One dog says
to the other,
"Wait here a minute, I'll be right back." He walks across
the street and sniffs this fire hydrant for about a minute,
then walks back across the street.

The other dog says, "What was that about?"

The dog first dog says, "I was just checking my pee-mail."



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Faux Stained Glass Windows
By DOROTHY [3 Posts, 2 Comments]
This is a new use for old windows. They took about 2 days to
make. Paint the window frames and let dry. Be creative and
paint the glass with stained glass paint. Once dry, glue the
marbles to the glass then let the glue dry.


The better craft stores and catalogs
have liquid stained glass, and leading in a tube.

Draw your design on the glass with a pencil or crayon, then
use the leading in a tube to draw the boundaries between the
colors. With real stained glass that would be tinned or leaded
copper foil. Then you make sure you don`t have any unintended
breaks in the leading.
After that you decide what colors to use in each field, and
pour a few drops of that color into that field. The raised
bead of leading will confine the color to that field.

Depending on the picture you want to create, you can add a
drop of modifier, like starburst, ice crystal, flames, etc.
The modifiers don`t change the color, just the apparent
texture. 

Half an hour later it is dry and done.
I used to create a lot of those in my Hippy years.

You can use liquid stained glass on real glass and on
plexiglass. Quite often I sandwiched a plexiglass stained
window to a real glass window. My favorite trick was to just
do a foot high strip for the top of windows, so as not to
obstruct the view, but create beautiful colored projections
from the sun shining through.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

 
Mama bear chases motorists in Yellowstone National Park
____________________________________________________

Thanks to Dianne for this:
The woman was in labor in the delivery room with her
husband at her side coaching her just the way he
learned in the Lamaze class.

It seemed like an eternity before the doctor finally
announced, "I've got the head now; just a few more
minutes."

"Is it a girl or boy?" the husband asked excitedly.

The doctor replied, "At this age it's too hard to tell by
the ears."
___________________________________________________


 
This is what Memorial Day is about, let us remember them.

Thanks to Mary F for this story:
There were these two elderly people living in a Florida
mobile home park. He was a widower and she a widow.
They had known one another for a number of years.

One evening there was a community supper in the big
activity center. These two were at the same table, across
from one another. As the meal went on, he made a few
admiring glances at her and finally gathered up his courage
to ask her, "Will you marry me?"

After precisely six seconds of careful consideration, she
answered.
"Yes, yes, I will."

The meal ended and with a few more pleasant exchanges,
they went to their respective places.

Next morning, he was troubled.
"Did she say 'yes' or did she say 'no'?" He couldn't
remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall.
Not even a faint memory.
With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her.

First, he explained to her that he didn't remember as well
as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past.
As he gained a little more courage, he then inquired of her,
"When I asked if you would marry me,
did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'?"

He was delighted to hear her say,
"Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and I meant it with all my
heart."

Then she continued, "And I am so glad that you called,
because I couldn't remember who had asked me.



Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 


Jill, ever the gracious hostess, was serving drinks at one
of her parties. A friend of hers brought his brother who
had just been ordained a Priest. She offered the friend a
drink from the tray and said, "I'm sorry Father, I'll go right
back to the kitchen and bring you a coke."

The Priest smiled and said "No need to. I may have
alcohol. Priests abstain from sex, not the grape."

"Oh !" said Jill blushing, "So that's it. I knew it
was one or the other that I wasn't supposed to offer you."

____________________________________________________




Today, on May 29
585 BC The first recorded prediction of a solar eclipse was
made in Greece. 2602 years ago they knew that Earth was round
and the sun was the center of the solar system, and how the
solar system worked.

1453 Constantinople fell to Ottoman Sultan Mehmed II, ending
the Byzantine Empire. 

1660 Charles II was restored to the English throne after the
Puritan Commonwealth. 

1721 South Carolina was formally incorporated as a royal
colony. 

1765 Patrick Henry denounced the Stamp Act before Virginia's
House of Burgesses. 

1827 The first nautical school opened in Nantucket, MA, under
the name Admiral Sir Isaac Coffin’s Lancasterian School. 

1849 A patent for lifting vessels was granted to Abraham
Lincoln. 

1910 An airplane raced a train from Albany, NY, to New York
City. The airplane pilot Glenn Curtiss won the $10,000 prize. 

1912 Fifteen women were dismissed from their jobs at the
Curtis Publishing Company in Philadelphia, PA, for dancing the
Turkey Trot while on the job. 

1916 The official flag of the president of the United States
was adopted. 

1916 U.S. forces invaded Dominican Republic and remained until
1924. 

1922 Ecuador became independent. 

1922 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that organized baseball was
a sport, not subject to antitrust laws. 

1932 World War I veterans began arriving in Washington, DC. to
demand cash bonuses they were not scheduled to receive for
another 13 years. 

1951 C.F. Blair became the first man to fly over the North
Pole in single engine plane. 

1953 Edmund Hillary and Sherpa Tenzing Norgay became first men
to reach the top of Mount Everest and live. 

1973 Tom Bradley was elected the first black mayor of Los
Angeles. 

1974 U.S. President Nixon agreed to turn over 1,200 pages of
edited Watergate transcripts. 

1985 Thirty-nine people were killed and 400 were injured in a
riot at a European Cup soccer match in Brussels, Belgium. 

1986 Colonel Oliver North told National Security Advisor
William McFarlane that profits from weapons sold to Iran were
being diverted to the Contras. 

1988 U.S. President Reagan began his first visit to the Soviet
Union in Moscow. 

1990 Boris Yeltsin was elected president of the Russian
republic by the Russian parliament. 

1997 The ruling party in Indonesia, Golkar, won the Parliament
election by a record margin. There was a boycott movement and
rioting that killed 200 people. 

1999 Space shuttle Discovery completed the first docking with
the International Space Station. 

2000 Fiji's military took control of the nation and declared
martial law following a coup attempt by indigenous Fijians in
mid-May. 

2001 In New York, four followers of Osama bin Laden were
convicted of a global conspiracy to murder Americans. The
crimes included the 1998 bombings of two U.S. embassies in
Africa that killed 224 people. 

2001 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that disabled golfer Casey
Martin could use a cart to ride in tournaments. 

2015 The Obama adminstration removed Cuba from the U.S.
terrorism blacklist. The two countries had severed diplomatic
relations in January of 1961. 

2017  smiled.
 
 

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---

img...pdf in the subject line 

Thursday, May 25, 2017, 07:07 AM
Posted by Administrator

<B></B>

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, May 25

Today I have to go to Calgary for injections 
into my eyeballs. That means no Friday, Saturday
or Sunday Newsletter.

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Colorado man arrested after castrating 
transgender woman for pay but without a license.
 Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, May 25 in
585 BC The first recorded prediction of a 
solar eclipse was made in Greece. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party 
did not miss the boat.
--- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) 
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________
A man was in the hospital recovering from an
operation when a nun walked into his room. She was
there to cheer up the sick and ailing. The man
and nun started talking and she asked about his
life. He talked about his wife and 13 children.
"My, my," said the nun, "13 children....you're
a good, proper Catholic family. The Lord is very
proud of you!"

"I'm sorry, Sister," he said, "I am not Catholic.
I'm Jewish."

"Jewish!?" she replies. "Hmmm....you're a sex
maniac, aren't you?"
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

Doctor:  "I see you're over a month late for your appointment.
Don't you know that nervous disorders require prompt and
regular attention?  What's your excuse?"

Patient:  "I was just following your orders, Doc."

Doctor:  "Following my orders?  What are you talking about?  I
gave you no such order."

Patient:  "You told me to avoid people who irritate me."
______________________________________________________



_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________

Reported by the Bausell Sailor

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by

James Pennington, 
57,
Denver,
Colorado

Colorado man arrested after castrating 
transgender woman for pay but without a license.

A man without a medical license was arrested after allegedly
using an Army surgical kit to remove the testicles of a
transgender woman at her apartment, the Denver Police
Department said.

James Pennington, 57 of Denver, is alleged to have removed the
testicles and sutured the opening while the woman's wife
watched the 90-minute procedure on Wednesday, according to a
probable cause statement.

Pennington told the victim if any "complications" developed to
call 911, according to the probable cause statement.

The wife called 911 about 2 p.m. after blood was seeping from
the incision.

Paramedics said the testicles could not be reattached because
of the time between the procedure and the call to 911, police
said.

A doctor with Medical Center of Aurora said the victim
suffered serious bodily injury and "risk of permanent
disfigurement," according to the statement.

Pennington was interviewed by police on Thursday and,
according to the probable cause statement, "confessed to
completing this surgical procedure without medical license."

Pennington was arrested for investigation of first-degree
aggravated assault causing serious bodily injury. He is being
held without bond.

The Denver District Attorney's Office will make the final
determination if charges will be filed.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Wanda
Re: img ... pdf
Dear Webby
I got some emails with img, some numbers and then .pdf in the
subject line. Naturally, I did not open them without asking
you first.

Are they safe?
Thanks
Wanda

Dear Wanda
No, they are NOT safe. Dump them, and dump them out of the
trash.

Nowadays, anything suspicious looking, dump it.
There is no need to enclose a normal picture in a PDF
If a friend or relative wants to bundle a bunch of pictures in
a PDF, they would tell you about it, and not just list ONE
picture, with .pdf tacked on.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



A college professor asked his class a question.

"If Philadelphia is 100 miles from New York and Chicago is
1000 miles from Philadelphia and Los Angles is 2000 miles from
Chicago, how old am I?"

One student in the back of the class raised his hand and when
Called upon said, "Professor you're 44.."

The Professor said, "You're absolutely correct, but tell me,
how did you arrive at the answer so quickly?"

The student said, "You see professor, I have a brother; he's
22, and he's half nuts."



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Making Rosemary Napkin Rings
By ShirleyE [165 Posts, 104 Comments]
For a lovely place setting which will also give off a
wonderful herbal aroma to get your guests' taste buds going,
use a wrap of rosemary around the serviettes (napkins) instead
of a traditional napkin ring.

Supplies:
rosemary sprigs
garden raffia or twine
scissors
hole punch
paper

Steps:
Print out your guests' names. Alternatively you could write
them if you prefer.

Cut out each name and round off the corners to neaten them.

Add a punched hole.

Roll up a serviette (napkin) and wrap a rosemary sprig around
it.

Overlap the ends of the sprig and tie with raffia or string.

Thread the name tag onto the raffia and make a final knot.

Trim the ends of the raffia and arrange your setting.




If you dont have raffia, you can use
the colorful, beaded pony-tail rubber bands. They are usually
25 / $ at the Dollar store and indefinitely reusable. No panic
when grampa canèt open the knots on the raffia.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

 
Mama bear chases motorists in Yellowstone National Park
____________________________________________________

>From Wendy
A retired older couple returned to a Mercedes dealership where
the salesman has just sold the car they had been interested
in
to a beautiful, leggy, busty blonde in a mini skirt and a
halter top.
The old man was visibly upset. He spoke to the salesman
sharply, "Young man, I thought you said you would hold that
car till we raised the $55,000 asking price. Yet I just
overheard you close the deal for $45,000 to the lovely young
lady there. And if I remember right, you had insisted there
was no way you could discount this model." The salesman took a
deep breath, cleared his throat and reached for a large glass
of water.
"Well, what can I tell you? She had the cash ready, didn't
need any financing help, and, Sir, just look at her, how could
I resist?", replied the grinning salesman sheepishly.
Just then the young woman approached the senior couple and
gave the car keys to the old man.
"There you go," she said. "I told you I could get that schmuck
to lower the price.
See you later Dad, Happy Father's day."
___________________________________________________


 
A woman breaks into what she thought was an abandoned house only to get the shock of her life.

A commercial property owner has three shops in a row, all
for rent. The first prospective lessee shows up, and says
he wants to rent the shop on the left.

The owner says, "Fine, what kind of shop do you have?"
The guy says, "A menswear shop."
The owner tells him he gets free signage, and asks what
he wants on the sign. "Menswear," says the man.

A second guy comes along and wants to let the right hand
shop. When asked he says he wants "Menswear" on his sign.
The owner tells him that the lefthand shop will be the same.
"No problem," says the man.

Finally a third man comes along to rent the middle shop.
The owner is most concerned because this guy also has a
menswear shop. Rather wearily the owner asks him what he
wants on his sign.

The guy replies: "Entrance."



Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 


Thanks to Ross for this story:
A Jewish couple is sitting together on an airplane flying
to The Far East. Suddenly, over the public address system,
the Captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid
I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased
functioning and this plane will be going down. Luckily, I
see an uncharted island below us that should be able to
accommodate our landing.

A few minutes later the plane lands safely on the island.
After touring the island the captain announced to the
passengers that the odds are that we will never be rescued
and will have to live on the island for the rest of our
lives."

Morris turns to his wife and asks, "Esther, did we pay our
charity pledge to the Yeshiva yet?"

"No, Morris," she responds.

Morris smiles and then asks, "Esther, did we pay our
United Jewish Appeal pledge?"

"Oy, no! I haven't sent the check," she says.

Now Morris laughs out loud.

"One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send our
Temple Building Fund check this month," he asks?

"Oy, Morris, I haven't sent that one, either." says Esther.

Now, Morris is practically choking with laughter.

Esther asks Morris, “So? What are you laughing about?"

Morris answers confidently, "They'll find us."

____________________________________________________




Today, on May 25
585 BC The first recorded prediction of a solar eclipse was
made in Greece. 

1085 Alfonso VI took Toledo, Spain from the Moslems. 

1787 The Constitutional convention opened in Philadelphia with
George Washington presiding. 

1810 Argentina declared independence from Napoleonic Spain. 

1844 The gasoline engine was patented by Stuart Perry. 

1844 The first telegraphed news dispatch, sent from
Washington, DC, to Baltimore, MD, appeared in the Baltimore
"Patriot." 

1895 Oscar Wilde, a playwright, poet and novelist, was
convicted of a morals charge and sentenced to prison in
London. 

1925 John Scopes was indicted for teaching the Darwinian
theory in school. 

1927 Ford Motor Company announced that the Model A would
replace the Model T. 

1927 The "Movietone News" was shown for the first time at the
Sam Harris Theatre in New York City. 

1946 Jordan gained independence from Britain. 

1953 In Nevada, the first atomic cannon was fired. 

1961 America was asked by U.S. President Kennedy to work
toward putting a man on the moon before the end of the decade.


1963 The Organization of African Unity was founded, in Addis
Ababa, Ethiopia. 

1968 The Gateway Arch, part of the Jefferson National
Expansion Memorial in St. Louis, MO, was dedicated. 

1970 Boeing Computer Services was founded. 

1977 "Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope" opened and became the
largest grossing film to date. 

1977 An opinion piece by Vietnam verteran Jan Scruggs appeared
in "The Washington Post." The article called for a national
memorial to "remind an ungrateful nation of what it has done
to its sons" that had served in the Vietnam War. 

1979 An American Airlines DC-10 crashed during takeoff at
Chicago's O'Hare International Airport. 275 people were
killed. 

1981 Daredevil Daniel Goodwin scaled Chicago's Sears Tower,
while wearing a "Spiderman" costume, in 7 1/2 hours. 

1983 "The Return of the Jedi" opened nationwide. It set a new
record in opening day box office sales. The gross was
$6,219,629. 

1985 Bangladesh was hit with a hurricane and tidal wave that
killed more than 11,000 people. 

1989 The Calgary Flames won their first NHL Stanley Cup by
defeating the Montreal Canadiens. 

1996 In Nimes, France, Christina Sanchez became the first
woman to achieve the rank of matadore in Europe. 

1997 In Sierra Leone a military coup overthrew the popularly
elected President Ahmad Tejan Kabbah. He was replaced with
Major Johnny Paul Koromah. 

1997 Poland adopted a constitution that removed all traces of
communism. 

1999 A report by the U.S. House of Representatives Select
Committee on U.S. National Security and Military/Commercial
Concerns with the People's Republic of China concluded that
China had "stolen design information on the U.S. most-advanced
thermonuclear weapons" and that China's penetration of U.S.
weapons laboratories "spans at least the past several decades
and almost certainly continues today." 

2000 The Walt Disney Co. and Time Warner Inc. signed a long-
term deal that ended a dispute over the airing policies of
Time Warner. Time Warner had blacked out Disney programs for a
39 hour period the previous month due to the lack of an
agreement. 

2001 Erik Weihenmayer, 32, of Golden, CO, became the first
blind climber to reach the summit of Mount Everest. 

2001 Sherman Bull, 64, of New Canaan, CT, became the oldest
climber to reach the summit of Mount Everest. 

2006 In Houston, former Enron Corp. chiefs Kenneth Lay and
Jeffrey Skillinng were convicted of conspiracy and fraud for
the downfall of Enron. 

2008 NASA's Phoenix Mars Lander landed in the arctic plains of
Mars. 

2009 North Korea announced that it had conducted a second
successful nuclear test in the province of North Hamgyong. The
United Nations Security Council condemned the reported test. 

2017  smiled.
 
 

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---

Where to learn HTML? 

Wednesday, May 24, 2017, 06:05 AM
Posted by Administrator

<B></B>

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, May 24

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida Muslim convert killed roommates over 
disrespect to his faith
 Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, May 24 in
1689 The English Parliament passed Act of Toleration,
protecting Protestants. Roman Catholics were specifically
excluded from exemption. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
History is the version of past events that people have 
decided to agree upon.
--- Napoleon Bonaparte (1769 - 1821)

A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and 
won't change the subject.
--- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)

Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough 
to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
--- Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________
Some teachers at state universities get to know our students
fairly well. One instructor told his communications class of
his plans to propose marriage. A student spoke up and said
that he had recently asked his girlfriend to marry him as
well. 

"What was her answer?" the instructor asked. 

I don't know yet," the student replied. "She hasn't e-mailed
me back yet." 
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________
Thanks to the folks from Erie for this:
A Somali arrives in Minneapolis as a new immigrant to the
United States. He stops the first person he sees walking down
the street and says, "Thank you Mr. American for letting me in
this country!"

But the passer-by says "You are mistaken, I am Mexican."

The man goes on and encounters another passer-by. "Thank you
for having such a beautiful country here in America!" The
person says, "I no American, I Vietnamese."

The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he
stops, shakes his hand and says, "Thank you for the wonderful
America!" 

That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Syria,
I am not an American!"

He finally sees a nice lady and asks suspiciously, "Are you an
American?" 

She says, "No, I am from Russia!"

So he is puzzled, and asks her, "Where are all the Americans?"

The Russian lady looks at her watch, shrugs, and says...

"Probably at work."
______________________________________________________



Splitrock lighthouse in Minnesota by Rochelle Soukup
on "We Love Lighthouses"
_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by

Devon Arthurs,
18,
Tampa,
Floriduh

Florida Muslim convert killed roommates over 
disrespect to his faith

Tampa police say a double homicide suspect told them he killed
two roommates because they disrespected his Muslim faith.
During an interview, 18-year-old Devon Arthurs admitted to the
shooting deaths of Jeremy Himmelman and Andrew Oneschuk, and
said they all used to be friends and shared neo-Nazi beliefs.

Arthurs says he later converted to Muslim, and became angry
with the world’s anti-Muslim sentiment.
He told police he wanted to bring attention to his cause.

The double homicide happened Friday night on Amberly Drive in
New Tampa.

Tampa police were called to the Green Planet Smoke Shop and
say Arthurs was holding three people at gunpoint. According to
the police report, Arthurs told them he killed someone and was
upset over America bombing his Muslim countries.

When police showed up, they convinced Arthurs to let the
hostages go and eventually handcuffed him.
The police report says Arthurs then made references to, “Allah
Mohammed!” and told police, “I had to do it. This wouldn’t
have had to happen if your country didn’t bomb my country.”

Interesting to note that the bonehead referred to the US as
"YOUR country" and ISIS controlled areas as "his country".

While he was being arrested, Arthurs told an officer people in
an apartment were dead. The suspect led police to the
apartment at The Hamptons at Tampa Palms Apartments on Amberly
Drive.

Responding officers found a man crying outside the door in
full U.S. Army camouflage. Arthurs told police the man was his
roommate and said, “He doesn’t know what’s going on and just
found them like you guys did.”

Police found two men, later identified as Himmelman and
Oneschuk, dead inside the apartment from gunshot wounds.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Tam
Re: Where can I learn HTML?
Dear Webby
I was wondering where I could learn to use HTML ?
thanks
Tam

Dear Tam
Look at the right side-menu.
There, about half way down, is a link to
Free HTML course
Click on that!
It takes you to http://htmlclinic.com/

Its totally free, no spyware, no pop-ups, no hassle.
Just an excellent "at-your-own-pace" HTML course.
And it is really easy.
Have FUN!
DearWebby




An old fellow came into the hospital truly on
death's door due to an infected gallbladder.
The surgeon who removed the gallbladder was adamant
that his patients be up and walking in the hall the
day after surgery, to help prevent blood clots
forming in the leg veins. The nurses walked the
patient in the hall as ordered, and after the
third day the nurse told how he complained bitterly
each time they did. The surgeon told them to keep
walking him.

After a week, the patient was ready to go. His family
came to pick him up and thanked the surgeon profusely
for what he had done for their father. The surgeon
was pleased and appreciated the thanks, but told
them that it was really a simple operation and we
had been lucky to get him in time. 

"But doctor, you don't understand," they said,
"Dad hasn't walked in over ten years!"



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Companion Plants for Growing Vegetables

This table is way too long to print here, 
so here is the link to the original:
Companion Plants



 
Lighthouse shift change 
____________________________________________________

Two youngsters were closely examining bathroom scales
on display at the department store.
"Have you ever seen one of these before?" one asked.

"Yeah, my mom have one,"   replied..

"What's it for?"

"It's a cussing machine,"  answered.
"Every time mom stands on it, she gets really mad
and starts cussing."
___________________________________________________


 
A woman breaks into what she thought was an abandoned house only to get the shock of her life.

Two deaf men were in a coffee shop discussing their wives.

One signs to the other, boy was my wife mad at me last
night! She went on and on and wouldn't stop! The other
Buddy says when my wife goes off on me, I just don't listen.
How do you do that? asks the other.

It's easy! I  take off my glasses!



Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 



Thanks to Roland for this story:
Little Tony was staying with his grandmother for a few days.
He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while
when he came into the house and asked her,
"Grandma, what is that called when people are
sleeping on top of each other?"

She was a little taken aback, but decided to tell him the
truth..."It's called sexual intercourse, darling."
Little Tony just said, "Oh, OK" and went back outside to
talk and play with the other kids.  A few minutes later he
came back in and said angrily,
"Grandma, it is not called sexual intercourse!
It's called Bunk Beds!"


____________________________________________________




Today, on May 24
1610 Sir Thomas Gates institutes "laws divine moral and
marshal," a harsh civil code for Jamestown. 

1624 After years of unprofitable operation Virginia’s charter
was revoked and it became a royal colony. 

1689 The English Parliament passed Act of Toleration,
protecting Protestants. Roman Catholics were specifically
excluded from exemption. 

1738 The Methodist Church was established. 

1764 Bostonian lawyer James Otis denounced "taxation without
representation" and called for the colonies to unite in
demonstrating their opposition to Britain’s new tax measures. 

1798 Believing that a French invasion of Ireland was imminent,
Irish nationalists rose up against the British occupation. 

1816 Emamual Leutze was born in Germany. He was most famous
for his paintings "Washington Crossing the Delaware" and
"Columbus Before the Queen". 

1822 At the Battle of Pichincha, Bolivar secured independence
of the Quito. 

1830 The first passenger railroad service in the U.S. began
service. 

1844 Samuel F.B. Morse formally opened America's first
telegraph line. The first message was sent from Washington,
DC, to Baltimore, MD. The message was "What hath God wrought?"


1859 Charles Gounod's "Ave Maria" was performed by Madame
Caroline Miolan-Carvalho for the first time in public. 

1863 Bushwackers led by Captain William Marchbanks attacked a
U.S. Federal militia party in Nevada, Missouri. 

1878 The first American bicycle race was held in Boston. 

1881 About 200 people died when the Canadian ferry Princess
Victoria sank near London, Ontario. 

1883 After 14 years of construction the Brooklyn Bridge was
opened to traffic. 

1899 The first public garage was opened by W.T. McCullough. 

1913 The U.S. Department of Labor entered into its first
strike mediation. The dispute was between the Railroad Clerks
of the New York, New Haven and Hartford Railroad. 

1930 Amy Johnson became the first woman to fly from England to
Australia. 

1931 B&O Railroad began service with the first passenger train
to have air conditioning throughout. The run was between New
York City and Washington, DC. 

1935 The Cincinnati Reds played the Philadelphia Phillies in
the first major league baseball game at night. The switch for
the floodlights was thrown by U.S. President Franklin
Roosevelt. 

1941 The HMS Hood was sunk by the German battleship Bismarck
in the North Atlantic. Only three people survived. 

1954 The first moving sidewalk in a railroad station was
opened in Jersey City, NJ. 

1958 United Press International was formed through a merger of
the United Press and the International News Service. 

1961 The Freedom Riders were arrested in Jackson, Mississippi.


1967 California Governor Ronald Reagan greeted Charles M.
Schulz at the state capitol in observance of the legislature-
proclaimed "Charles Schulz Day." 

1976 Britain and France opened trans-Atlantic Concorde service
to Washington. 

1983 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the federal government
had the right to deny tax breaks to schools that racially
discriminate. 

1986 Montreal won its 23rd National Hockey League (NHL)
Stanley Cup championship. 

1990 The Edmonton Oilers won their fifth National Hockey
League (NHL) Stanley Cup. 

1993 The Ethiopian province of Eritrea declared itself an
independent nation. 

1994 The four men convicted of bombing the New York's World
Trade Center were each sentenced to 240 years in prison. 

1999 39 miners were killed in an underground gas explosion in
the Ukraine. 

2000 Five people were killed and two others wounded when two
gunmen entered a Wendy's restaurant in Flushing, Queens, New
York. The gunmen tied up the victims in the basement and then
shot them. 

2000 The U.S. House of Representatives approved permanent
normal trade relations with China. China was not happy about
some of the human rights conditions that had been attached by
the U.S. lawmakers. 

2000 A Democratic Party event for Al Gore in Washington
brought in $26.5 million. The amount set a new record, which
had just been set the previous month by Republicans for Texas
Gov. George W. Bush. 

2001 Temba Tsheri, 15, became the youngest person to reach the
summit of Mount Everest. 

2011 NASA announced the development of the Orion Multi-Purpose
Crew Vehicle (MPCV) spacecraft. It is intended to facilitate
exploration of the Moon, asteroids and Mars. 

2017  smiled.
 
 

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---

Find the value of an old bat 

Tuesday, May 23, 2017, 07:56 AM
Posted by Administrator

<B></B>

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, May 23

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida Shooter Poops On His Arrest Warrant
 Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, May 23 in
1430 Joan of Arc was captured by Burgundians. 
She was then sold to the English. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
Education... has produced a vast population able to 
read but unable to distinguish what is worth reading.
--- G. M. Trevelyan (1876 - 1962)

Though music oft hath such a charm to make bad good, 
and good provoke to harm.
--- William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616)

It isn't what you know that counts, it's what you think
of in time.
--- Benjamin Franklin
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________
While teaching children about world religions, a teacher
asked her students to bring a symbol of their family's
faith to class. The next day, she asked each student to
come forward and share the symbol with the class.

The 1st child said, "I'm Muslim, and this is my prayer rug."

The 2nd child said, "I'm Jewish, and this is my family's
menorah."

The 3rd child said, "I'm Roman Catholic, and this is my
Mom's rosary."

The 4th child said, "I'm Greek Orthodox, and this is an
icon of my patron saint."

The 5th child said, "I'm Southern Baptist, and this is
my casserole dish."
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________
TEACHER: tester, name one important thing
we have today that we didn't have 10 years ago.
: Me!
______________________________________________________



_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by

Demetrius Vidale,
24,
Deerfield Beach,
Floriduh

Florida Shooter Poops On His Arrest Warrant

Being accused of a crime is pretty crappy, but that’s no
reason to poop on a search warrant.

That’s what a Florida man accused of shooting at a Deerfield
Beach deputy allegedly did while his paperwork was being
processed, according to the Broward County Sheriff’s Office.

Demetrius Vidale, 24, was arrested Tuesday in connection with
a shootout that took place at about 3 a.m. Monday near
Tropicante Nightclub, according to the Miami Herald.

Authorities accuse Vidale of shooting and robbing club-goer
Jordan Harris, who is expected to recover.

In addition, Vidale allegedly shot at Broward Sheriff’s deputy
Derrick Nesbitt, who was responding to reports of gunshots.

The deputy fired back but wasn’t injured, according to WSVN
TV.

Vidale managed to elude capture until the next day, when he
was apprehended while driving in Fort Lauderdale.

Now Vidale has been charged with attempted first-degree
murder, attempted murder of a law enforcement officer, armed
robbery, obstructing a police officer executing a search
warrant and driving with a revoked license, according to the
criminal complaint.

But it’s what Vidale allegedly did while in custody thats
really raising a stink. When officers pulled over Vidale, they
served him with a search warrant to get his DNA in order to
match him to the crime scene.

Vidale refused to let officers take his picture, fingerprints
or DNA, claiming a judge had "no jurisdiction over him,"
according to the Florida Sun-Sentinel.

However, while Vidales paperwork was being processed, he
allegedly went into the bathroom and dumped a whole bunch of
DNA ? or "defecation not appreciated" ? on the warrant,
according to WSVN-TV.

Vidale appeared in court on Wednesday where he chose to
represent himself and to argue with the judge, the Sun-
Sentinel reports.

Jail records show Vidale remains behind bars at the Broward
County Main Jail. Until he recognizes the jurisdiction of the
judge, the judge cant grant him bail anyway.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Chris
Re: Value of Bat
Dear Webby
A friend is moving out of her home and came across this old
bat she has had for years.  It's numbered 'LL797' and is in
great condition.  Anyone know where to find out about such
things for her?
Thanks in advance,
Chris

Dear Chris
I am more familiar with DOS bats than wooden ones.
So, your friend has "bats in the attic" ?
I wonder if you know what that phrase means around here ?

All joking aside, the easiest way to find out if it is
worth more than firewood, is to take a picture of it and
post it on e-bay. If nobody bids on it, give it to a kid in
exchange for mowing the lawn or weeding the driveway.
Have FUN!
DearWebby



Little Johnny wasn't very good at spelling. During an oral
spelling exam, the teacher wrote the word "new" on the
blackboard. 

"Now," she asked Johnny, "what word would we have if we placed
a "K" in the front?" 

After a moment's reflection, Johnny smiled and belted out:
"Canoe!" 



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Peony Bushes Not Blooming
By Frank [4 Posts, 20 Comments]
If they are not setting buds then they are planted to deep.
Peony need to be planted shallow. If you can see some of the
root when planting that is ok. So you need to break up the
roots and replant. You will probably have plants left over to
give away. The earlier post is correct on the ants. Ants help
them to bloom.
Frank

Make sure the peonies have ants.
They need them to produce flowers. As long as they have ants,
they are as hardy as rhubarb. Mowing them in late summer also
seems to help.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

 
wrestling match between 
4-year-old girl and boy
____________________________________________________

Thanks to Lynn for this one: I have the most marvelous recipe
for meat loaf! All I have to do is mention it to my husband
and he says, "Let's eat out!" 
___________________________________________________


 
Guinea Pigs With Luscious Locks to Die For

It was "sharing time" in a kindergarten full of bright
children. The teacher was presiding over a discussion about
the children's parents. One child said, "Well, my mother's a
Catholic and my father's Jewish." 

"Oh, wow!" said another. "So what do you believe?" 

"I believe in everything," said the first child. 

"What do you mean 'everything'?" asked another child. 

"Well, you know," said the first child, "Jesus Christ, Moses,
Snow White, the Tooth Fairy, Santa, the Easter Bunny,
everything!" 



Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 


>From Don 
When we moved into our new home, the first one we owned rather
than rented, two of my husband's friends gave him a bottle of
champagne. In the hustle and bustle of getting settled, the
gift was tucked away and temporarily forgotten. Three months
later we held a Christening party for our third child.
Champagne flowed in celebration until, running short, we
remembered our housewarming gift. In front of our guests, I
opened the attached card and read it aloud, "Donald, take good
care of this one. This one is yours!" 


____________________________________________________




Today, on May 23

1430 Joan of Arc was captured by Burgundians. She was then
sold to the English. 

1533 Henry VIII’s marriage to Catherine of Aragon was declared
null and void. 

1618 The Thirty Years War began when three opponents of the
Reformation were thrown through a window. 

1701 In London, Captain William Kidd was hanged after being
convicted of murder and piracy. 

1785 Benjamin Franklin wrote in a letter that he had invented
bifocals. 

1827 The first US nursery school was established in New York
City. 

1873 Canada's North West Mounted Police force was established.
The organization's name was changed to Royal Canadian Mounted
Police in 1920. 

1895 The New York Public Library was created with an agreement
that combined the city's existing Astor and Lenox libraries. 

1901 American forces captured Filipino rebel leader Emilio
Aguinaldo. 

1908 Part of the Great White Fleet arrived in Puget Sound, WA.


1915 During World War I, Italy switched sides and joined the
Allies. 

1926 The French captured the Moroccan Rif capital. 

1934 In Bienville Parish, LA, Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow
were ambushed and killed by Texas Rangers. The bank robbers
were riding in a stolen Ford Deluxe. 

1937 Industrialist John D. Rockefeller died. 

1938 "LIFE" magazine’s cover pictured Errol Flynn as a glamour
boy. 

1945 In Luneburg Germany, Heinrich Himmler, the head of the
Nazi Gestapo, committed suicide while imprisoned by the Allied
forces. 

1949 The Republic of West Germany was established. 

1960 Israel announced the capture of Nazi Adolf Eichmann in
Argentina. 

1981 In Barcelona, Spain, gunmen seized control of the Central
Bank and took 200 hostages. 

1985 Thomas Patrick Cavanagh was sentenced to life in prison
for trying to sell Stealth bomber secrets to the Soviet Union.


1995 The Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City
was demolished. 

1998 British Protestants and Irish Catholics of Northern
Ireland approved a peace accord. 

1999 In Kansas City, MO, Owen Hart (Blue Blazer) died when he
fell 90 feet while being lowered into a WWF wrestling ring. He
was 33 years old. 

1999 Gerry Bloch, at age 81, became the oldest climber to
scale El Capitan in Yosemite National Park. He broke his own
record that he set in 1986 when he was 68 years old. 

2013 Google acquired Makani Power for use for its Project
Wing. 

2017  smiled.
 
 

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Phishing at the PayPal Pool 

Monday, May 22, 2017, 09:05 AM
Posted by Administrator

<B></B>

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, May 22

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman in labor smokes crack, 
leaves newborn in yard
 Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, May 22 in
1955 A scheduled dance to be headlined by Fats Domino 
was canceled by police in Bridgeport, Connecticut 
because "rock and roll dances might be featured." 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
The government's view of the economy could be summed up 
in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps
moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.
--- Ronald Reagan (1911 - 2004) 

According to a new survey, women say they feel more
comfortable undressing in front of men than they do
undressing in front of other women. They say that
women are too judgmental, where, of course,
men are just grateful. 
---Jay Leno
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________
>From Malcolm:
The other day I was playing golf and saw an unusual
thing. A golfer became so mad that he threw his
brand new set of golf clubs into the lake.
A few minutes later he came back, waded into the
lake, and retrieved his clubs. He proceeded to take
his car keys out of the bag -- then threw the clubs
back into the water.
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________
Dad gives some advice to his son before his first real date.
"Son, when you pick up your date later, make sure you have
some flowers or chocolates to give her. Girls go crazy over
that stuff. The more you give, the more you get!  It's an
exchange thing."

So, the son showed up for his date with flowers.

She was very flattered and pleased, and she rewarded him
with a long, passionate kiss.  She pressed her chest against
him and rubbed her fingers through his hair,.... hoping to
give him the best kiss that he had ever received.

After the kiss, he turned and bolted for the door.

"Oh! I'm sorry," she said.  "I didn't mean to scare you
away."

"You didn't!" he replied. "I'll be right back. There are
still TONS of flowers at the cemetery a couple of blocks
south of here."
______________________________________________________

Whoever sent this one to me, years ago, Thank You!


_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by

Katrina Kegelman, 
24, 
Clearwater,
Floriduh

Florida woman in labor smokes crack, 
leaves newborn in yard

A pregnant Florida woman was arrested for allegedly smoking
crack cocaine while in labor and leaving her newborn outside, 
police said. 

Katrina Kegelman, 24, of Clearwater, gave birth Monday night
at her home and left the baby in the back yard, according to
the Tampa Bay Times. 

A friend “noticed blood on Kegelman’s pants” and called 911,
the Times reported. Kegelman finally motioned to firefighters
that the newborn was hidden in the yard, police said.

Kegelman told police she lied about the child because she was
afraid of getting arrested for “having smoked crack moments
before giving birth,” the Times reported. 

Kegelman faces a child neglect charge. The infant is well,
according to police.

In most places use of crack, cocaine, or heroin during late
pregnancy results in automatic confiscation and adoption of
the infant by Protective Services and automatic child neglect
charges. 

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Bonnie
Re: phishing at the PayPal pond
Dear Webby
I know you've touched on correspondence from PayPal in the
past, but of course, I don't remember what you said!  I
received
a notice to update my info with them today at the link below
(which is in German, by the way, when I click on it).  Any
thoughts on whether they're who they say they are?  The
msge said to update by Aug 2 or my account will go into
suspension.  I know your knowledge is vast; maybe you
can help me.
Thanks!
PS.  It would not hurt to post a heads-up to the newsletter.
Bonnie

Dear Dear Bonnie
That's just some crooks trying to con you into giving them
your PayPal password and info.

PayPal will NEVER ask you for that info.
They already know it!
The same goes for Ebay or any bank.

Forward PayPal spoofs to spoof@paypal.com.
If you do feel compelled to fill it out, use totally bogus
info. If some politician sends you junkmail, use his or her
name and email address, and make up the rest of the info.
It will just waste the crook's time, since it is highly
unlikely that you correctly guess that politician's password.
(unless you type in "password")

Have FUN!
DearWebby



A minister was asked to inform a man with a heart condition
that he had just inherited a million dollars. Everyone was
afraid the shock would give him a heart attack.

So the minister went to the man's house and said, "Joe, what
would you do if you inherited a million dollars?"
And Joe said, "Well, pastor, I think I would give half of
it to the church."

At which the pastor fell over dead.



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Altoid Tin to Hold Business Cards
By Judy Pariser S. [286 Posts, 2,665 Comments]
The Altoid tin is the perfect size to hold business cards. I
like to keep cards of recommended people like plumbers and
electricians before I need them. The tin keeps everything neat
and in one place. 

Comment:
By Sandi/Poor But Proud [600 Posts, 2,474 Comments]
Great tip. I also get the 12 packs of waxy ear plugs from
Walmart. The container is the best size for cards and you can
see them as well.


 
Eagles take out drones!
____________________________________________________

There was a fairly wealthy 70 year-old man who had just
married a beautiful 25-year-old young lady.
One of his long time friends said to him, "How did you get
that gorgeous woman to marry a 70 year-old guy like you?"

The man leaned over and whispered to his friend,
"It was easy. I simply told her that I was 90 and had heart
problems, and she instantly fell in love with me."
----------
I`ll keep that in mind just in case I ever get fairly wealthy
when I turn 70!
___________________________________________________


 
In search of America's darkest skies.
"I'm telling you, Carol, I've never been happier, " Betty told
her friend. "I have two boyfriends. One is just
fabulous,...handsome, attentive, sensitive, caring and
considerate."

What in the world do you need the second one for?" Carol
asked?"

"Oh," Betty replied, "the other one is straight."



Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 


>From Linda
For many years I worked as a receptionist and switchboard
operator at a busy company. After a good annual review,
my supervisor told me I was up for a raise, pending
approval of the vice president. A month later, my supervisor
called me into his office and told me the VP had refused
to approve the raise. His reason? I clearly wasn't doing my
job. Every time he saw me, I was either chatting with
someone in the lobby or talking on the phone.

So I started doing the work for my Internet home business
while on the job, and at the next review, got my raise.

____________________________________________________




Today, on May 22

1246 Henry Raspe was elected anti-king by the Rhenish prelates
in France. 

1455 King Henry VI was taken prisoner by the Yorkists at the
Battle of St. Albans, during the War of the Roses. 

1570 Abraham Ortelius published the first modern atlas in
Belgium. 

1761 In Philadelphia, the first life insurance policy was
issued in the U.S. 

1819 The steamship Savannah became the first to cross the
Atlantic Ocean. 

1841 Henry Kennedy received a patent for the first reclining
chair. 

1849 Abraham Lincoln received a patent for the floating dry
dock. 

1868 Near Marshfield, IN, The "Great Train Robbery" took
place. The robbery was worth $96,000 in cash, gold and bonds
to the seven members of the Reno gang. 

1872 The Amnesty Act restored civil rights to Southerners. 

1882 The U.S. formally recognized Korea. 

1891 The first public motion picture was given in Thomas
Edison's lab. 

1892 Dr. Washington Sheffield invented the toothpaste tube. 

1900 The Associated Press was incorporated as a non-profit
news cooperative in New York. 

1900 A. DeVilbiss, Jr. patented his pendulum-type computing
scale. 

1900 Edwin S. Votey received a patent for the pianola (a
pneumatic piano player). It could be attached to any piano. 

1906 The Wright brothers received a patent their flying
machine. 

1939 Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini signed a military
alliance between Germany and Italy known as the "Pact of
Steel." 

1947 The Truman Doctrine was enacted by the U.S. Congress to
appropriate military and economic aid for Turkey and Greece. 

1955 A scheduled dance to be headlined by Fats Domino was
canceled by police in Bridgeport, Connecticut because "rock
and roll dances might be featured." 

1955 Jack Benny did his last live network radio broadcast
after a run of 23 years. He devoted his time fully to TV. 

1969 A lunar module of Apollo 10 flew within nine miles of the
moon's surface. The event was a rehearsal for the first lunar
landing. 

1972 U.S. President Nixon became the first U.S. president to
visit Russia. He met with Soviet leader Leonid Brezhnev.

1972 The island Ceylon adopted a new constitution and became
the republic of Sri Lanka. 

1977 Janet Guthrie set the fastest time of the second weekend
of qualifying, becoming the first woman to earn a starting
spot in the Indianapolis 500 since its inception in 1911. 

1986 Sylvester Stallone agreed to a 10-picture, six-year deal
with United Artists. He signed for a reported $15 million for
each film. 

1990 In the Middle East, North and South Yemen merged to
become a single state known as the Republic of Yemen. 

1990 Microsoft released Windows 3.0. 

1997 Kelly Flinn, the U.S. Air Force's first female bomber
pilot certified for combat, accepted a general discharge. She
thereby avoided court-martial on charges of adultery, lying
and disobeying an order. 

1998 New information came to light about the June 1996 bombing
that killed 19 American airmen. The information indicated that
Saudi citizens had been responsible and not Iranians as once
believed. 

2002 Chandra Levy's remains were found in Washington, DC's
Rock Creek Park. She was last seen on April 30, 2001.
California Congressman Gary Condit was questioned in the case
due to his relationship with Levy. 

2002 In Birmingham, AL, a jury convicted former Ku Klux
Klansman Bobby Frank Cherry of murder in the 1963 church
bombing that killed four girls. 

2012 In Japan, the Tokyo Skytree tower opened. 

2017  smiled.
 
 

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