Saturday, June 24, 2017, 07:55 AM Posted by Administrator
<B></B>
Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, June 24
Have Fun!
Dearwebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Texas mom messaged on Facebook while
baby drowned in tub
Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, June 23 in
1497 Italian explorer John Cabot, sailing in the service
of England, landed in North America on what is now
Newfoundland. He landed near the same area where the
Vikings had settled for a while around 1050.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for
the freedom of thought which they seldom use.
--- Soren Kierkegaard (1813 - 1855)
Rudeness is the weak man's imitation of strength.
--- Eric Hoffer (1902 - 1983)
Every generation laughs at the old fashions,
but follows religiously the new.
--- Henry David Thoreau
Better old fashions than no fashions!
--- Socratex
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
>From Linda
My three-year-old daughter stuck out her hand and said,
“Look at the fly I killed, Mommy.” Since she was eating
a juicy pickle at the time, I thrust her contaminated hands
under the faucet and washed them with antibacterial soap.
After sitting her down to finish her pickle, I asked, with a
touch of awe, “How did you kill that fly all by yourself?”
Between bites, she said, “I hit it with my pickle.”
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Dianne for this story:
A knight and his men return to their castle after a
long hard day of fighting.
"How are we faring?" asks the king.
"Sire," replies the knight, "I have been robbing and
pillaging on your behalf all day, burning the towns of
your enemies in the west."
"What?!" shrieks the king. "I don't have any enemies
to the west!"
"Oh," says the knight. "Well, you do now."
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
Reported by the Bausell Sailor
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Cheyenne Summer Stuckey,
21,
Fort Worth,
Texas
Texas mom messaged on Facebook while
baby drowned in tub
Police say a Texas mother was messaging on Facebook while her
8-month-old daughter drowned in a bathtub last week, reports
CBS DFW.
Cheyenne Summer Stuckey, 21, told investigators she put her
daughter Zayla Hernandez in the tub in their suburban Fort
Worth home on June 13 and left her unsupervised with the water
running "for only a couple minutes," the station reports. She
said she became "distracted" by another child, Facebook
Messenger and a television playing loudly.
But a Parker County sheriff's investigation revealed Stuckey
was messaging two people on Facebook for at least 18
minutes while the infant was drowning, the station
reports.
Stuckey told investigators she rushed to check on the child
when she realized she had forgotten about her, but found her
floating in the tub face-down and unresponsive. Stuckey said
she tried to resuscitate the girl but "did not know how."
She told investigators she wasn't sure if she had placed a
bathtub stopper in the drain.
Emergency responders weren't able to resuscitate the girl, and
she was pronounced dead at a hospital.
A Tarrant County Medical Examiner's preliminary autopsy report
revealed Zayla died from drowning.
Stuckey was booked in to the Parker County Jail and charged
with injury to a child. Her bond has not been set.
Several other children in the home were reportedly removed and
placed in foster care.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Vin
Re: Toolbars and icons
Dear Webby,
Every program I install seems to come with some silly toolbar
that has maybe one icon on it that I use and half a dozen that
are totally useless. If they have so little confidence in
their program that they feel they have to provide an UN-
install icon on prime, easy to get to, toolbar space, why sell
it in the first place? How can I restrict all those silly
toolbars to just one icon?
Vin
DearVin
You can't. Just delete all those silly little toolbars. Make
desktop shortcuts to the programs that you need, then make a
desktop folder and drag them in there.
Next you drag that folder into a subdirectory, and make one
desktop shortcut icon for that.
That way YOU control which icons are taking up space.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
An elderly couple were sitting on their front porch
one evening, when the wife picks up her cane and
whaps her husband across the shins.
"Dangit, woman! What the heck was that for?"
he yells.
"That's for 60 years of bad sex," she replies.
A few minutes later, the husband picks up his cane
and whaps his wife across the shins.
"Ow!!" she yells. "What the heck was THAT for??"
The husband looks at her and says,
"That's for knowing the difference."
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thoroughly Cleaning A Cast Iron Fry Pan
By likekinds [346 Posts, 1,496 Comments]
You can tell me not to use soap on my cast iron pans til the
cows come home. I will use it, anyway. I refuse to put away a
pan that has only been scraped and wiped. To me, that borders
on 'nasty'. I make country style gravy in my cast iron frying
pan. I fry thinly sliced sweet potatoes sprinkled with brown
sugar, in that pan, cooking till the sugar is syrupy or
caramelized. Imagine just 'wiping' that pan.
If the pan is properly seasoned, hot, soapy water will not
affect that season. Almost always, a ruined season is due to
overheating an empty pan while preheating it. When preheating
a pan, don't allow it to get hot enough to smoke. If you see
even the slight smoke, don't just turn down the heat, remove
the pan from the heat.
The inside bottom of a well seasoned pan will be smooth and
shiny. No scrubbing should be required. The inside walls of
the pan will often be rougher. Scrub these with something no
more abrasive than a plastic mesh ball or a nylon brush. Soak
the pan for a while if need be. Never use steel wool, nylon
pads, or powdered cleansers on a pan. When the pan is clean
and rinsed, put it on a burner at medium heat. Watch
carefully. The instant all water is burned way, remove the pan
from the heat and allow to cool. With a paper towel, apply a
thin film of cooking oil to the pan before putting it away.
If you have cooked fish or onions in the pan, you can rest
assured the next time you scramble eggs, they will taste of
fish or onions, if you only wipe the pan 'clean'. Even soap
and hot water will not remove these scents.
Removing lingering scents from a pan is simple. After washing
and rinsing the pan, fill with water and place on medium heat
burner. Add a tablespoon of baking soda to the water. Simmer
two or three minutes and rinse, then back to the burner to
dry. I find drying the pan with heat is more thorough, thus
preventing any rust, especially on the bottom where it is most
likely to appear.
It's like this, I wash my cast iron pans in hot, soapy water
after every use; I always have. An egg will slide around in my
pan as if the pan was coated with Teflon or T fal.
Where are those cows, anyway? It's time for their evening
milking.
____________________________________________________
Baby elephant chasing birds
____________________________________________________
When an applicant asked if the company had a fitness
program, the human resources manager replied,
"Oh, our employees don't need one. They are routinely
jumping to conclusions, flying off the handle, beating
around the bush, running down the boss, going around
in circles, dragging their feet, dodging responsibility,
passing the buck, climbing the ladder, hiding in
paperwork, pulling strings, throwing their weight around,
stretching the truth, bending the rules, stabbing others
in their backs and pushing their luck!"
___________________________________________________
Awesome photos of powerful storms.
The psychiatrist was interviewing a first-time patient. "You
say you're here," he inquired, "because your family is worried
about your taste in socks?"
"That's correct," muttered the patient. "I like wool socks."
"But that's perfectly normal," replied the doctor. "Many
people prefer wool socks to those made from cotton or acrylic.
In fact, I myself like wool socks."
"You DO?" exclaimed the man excitedly.
"With oil and vinegar or just a squeeze of lemon?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________
Jones is driving past the state mental hospital when
his left rear tire suffers a flat. While Jones is
changing the tire, another car goes by, running over
the hub cap in which Jones was keeping the lug nuts.
The nuts are all knocked into a nearby storm drain.
Jones is at a loss for what to do and is about to go
call a cab when he hears a shout from behind the
hospital fence, where one of the inmates has been
watching the whole thing.
"Hey, pal! Why don't you just take one lug nut off
each of the other three wheels? That'll hold your tires
on until you can get to a garage or something."
Jones is startled by the patient's seeming rationality,
but realizes the plan will work, and installs the spare
tire without incident. Before he leaves, he calls back
to the patient. "You know, that was pretty sharp thinking.
Why do they have you in there?"
The patient smiles and says, "I'm in here because I'm
crazy, not because I'm stupid."
Today, on June 24, in
1314 Scottish forces led by Robert the Bruce won over Edward
II of England at the Battle of Bannockburn in Scotland.
1340 The English fleet defeated the French fleet at Sluys, off
the Flemish coast.
1497 Italian explorer John Cabot, sailing in the service of
England, landed in North America on what is now Newfoundland.
s
1509 Henry VIII was crowned King of England.
1664 New Jersey, named after the Isle of Jersey, was founded.
1675 King Philip's War began when Indians massacre colonists
at Swansee, Plymouth colony.
1717 The Freemasons were founded in London.
1793 The first republican constitution in France was adopted.
1812 Napoleon crossed the Nieman River and invaded Russia.
1844 Charles Goodyear was granted U.S. patent #3,633 for
vulcanized rubber.
1859 At the Battle of Solferino, also known as the Battle of
the Three Sovereigns, the French army led by Napoleon III
defeated the Austrian army under Franz Joseph I in northern
Italy.
1861 Federal gunboats attacked Confederate batteries at
Mathias Point, Virginia.
1862 U.S. intervention saved the British and French at the
Dagu forts in China.
1910 The Japanese army invaded Korea.
1913 Greece and Serbia annulled their alliance with Bulgaria
following border disputes over Macedonia and Thrace.
1931 The Soviet Union and Afghanistan signed a treaty of
neutrality.
1940 France signed an armistice with Italy.
1940 TV cameras were used for the first time in a political
convention as the Republicans convened in Philadelphia, PA.
1941 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt pledged all possible
support to the Soviet Union.
1947 Kenneth Arnold reported seeing flying saucers over Mt.
Rainier, Washington.
1948 The Soviet Union began the Berlin Blockade.
1955 Soviet MIG's down a U.S. Navy patrol plane over the
Bering Strait.
1964 The Federal Trade Commission announced that starting in
1965, cigarette manufactures would be required to include
warnings on their packaging about the harmful effects of
smoking.
1968 "Resurrection City," a shantytown constructed as part of
the Poor People's March on Washington D.C., was closed down by
authorities.
1970 The U.S. Senate voted overwhelmingly to repeal the Gulf
of Tonkin Resolution.
1982 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled 5-4 that no president could
be sued for damages connected with actions taken while serving
as President of the United States.
1986 The Empire State Building was designated a National
Historic Landmark.
1997 The U.S. Air Force released a report titled "The Roswell
Report, Case Closed" that dismissed the claims that an alien
spacecraft had crashed in Roswell, NM, in 1947.
1998 AT&T Corp. struck a deal to buy cable TV giant Tele-
Communications Inc. for $31.7 billion.
1998 Walt Disney World Resort admitted its 600-millionth
guest.
2002 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that juries, not judges,
must make the decision to give a convicted killer the death
penalty.
2002 A painting from Monet's Waterlilies series sold for $20.2
million.
2003 In Paris, France, manuscripts by novelist Georges Simenon
brought in $325,579. The original manuscript of "La Mort de
Belle" raised $81,705.
2017 smiled.
Friday, June 23, 2017, 06:47 AM Posted by Administrator
<B></B>
Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, June 23
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Thank you, Frank!!!
Have Fun!
Dearwebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida mother arrested for trying to give away
2 year old son in parking lot
Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, June 23 in
2015 Verizon announced it had completed its
$4.4 billion purchase of AOL, Inc.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a
conformist, it's another nonconformist who doesn't conform to
the prevailing standard of nonconformity.
--- Bill Vaughan
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
--- Henny Youngman (1906 - 1998)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Passing an office building late one night, Gus saw a sign
that said, "Press the bell for the night watchman."
He did so, and after several minutes he heard the watchman
clomping down the stairs. The uniformed man proceeded to
unlock first one gate, then another, shut down the alarm
system, and then coming through the revolving door, he looked
at Gus and asked, "Well, what do you want?"
And Gus says, "I just want to know why you can't ring the bell
for yourself. Why do I have to ring it for you ?"
_____________________________________________________
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A teacher was teaching his kids about survival in the
desert. "What are the three most important things you
should bring with you in case you get lost in the desert?"
he asked.
Several hands went up, and many important things were
suggested such as food, matches, etc.
Then in the back eagerly raised a hand.
"Yes, , what are the three most important things
you would bring with you?" asked the teacher.
replied, "A compass, a canteen of water,
and a deck of cards."
"Why's that, ?" the teacher asked.
"Well," answered , "the compass is to find the
right direction, the water is to prevent dehydration."
"And what about the deck of cards?" asked the teacher.
"Well, Sir, as soon as you start playing Solitaire, someone
is bound to come up behind you and say, 'Put that red nine
on top of that black ten'!"
______________________________________________________
Fireweed, the official flower of the Yukon
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Amber Warner,
31,
Vero Beach,
Floriduh
Florida mother arrested for trying to give away
2 year old son in parking lot
A Florida mother allegedly tried to give her son away to
strangers in a restaurant parking lot.
Amber Warner, 31, is accused of trying to give her 2-year-old
son away in the parking lot of a Kountry Kitchen in Vero
Beach, according to WPLG.
Authorities say that Warner told the couple “I can’t do it,”
before placing the child on the ground and driving off.
She was later found at her home, where she was arrested and
charged with unlawful desertion of a child and resisting
arrest without violence.
The child was placed under the care of the Florida Department
of Children and Families and appeared to be in good health.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Vi
Re: Paper or e-books
Dear Webby,
I am planning to take a course and have a choice to get the
material on paper books or on e-books. The e-book version
is a lot cheaper, of course. Which version would you
recommend?
Vi
Dear Vi
I would recommen the e-book version without the slightest
hesitation. With e-books you CAN print them, if you need
paper. You can even print just those pages that you want,
like indexes or summaries. You can also take screen
captures of paragraphs or illustrations and paste those
into word processor documents.
With e-books you aren't just saving trees and money, you
are getting a lot more value.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Little Johnny and his family lived in the country, and as a
result seldom had guests. He was eager to help his mother
after his father appeared with two dinner guests from the
office.
When the dinner was nearly over, Little Johnny went to the
kitchen and proudly carried in the first piece of apple pie,
giving it to his father who passed it to a guest. Little
Johnny came in with a second piece of pie and gave it to his
father, who again gave it to a guest.
This was too much for Little Johnny, who said, "It's no use,
Dad. The pieces are all the same size."
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Reheat Pizza in a Frying Pan
By lalala... [827 Posts, 105 Comments]
A great way to reheat leftover pizza is in a frying pan. Place
the pizza in the frying pan over medium heat.
Slices of pizza in a frying pan
Cover loosely with a piece of aluminum foil that is domed in
the center so it doesn't stick to the cheese.
Frying pan with aluminium foil
It can burn quickly so check it every few minutes until it is
heated through and is crispy enough for you on the bottom. The
result is a crispy crust, instead of the rubbery, soggy crust
you get when microwaved.
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Cowboys herding cats
____________________________________________________
According to a recent survey, men say the first thing
they notice about a women are their eyes.
Women say the first thing they notice about men is
they're a bunch of liars, and if they were noticing that
women have eyes, the bra padding industry would go broke.
___________________________________________________
Creatures that don't live in our world.
>From Flo:
Dear Webby, can you bring back that list of silly laws that
you once printed?
Thanks,
Flo
Sure, Flo.
Here they are:
In Klamath Falls, Oregon, it is illegal to kick
the heads off snakes.
Anyone stealing citrus fruit in Yuma, Arizona
can legally be given castor oil as punishment.
The California penal code prohibits the shooting
of any animal, except a whale, from an automobile.
It is illegal to wear a mask in Denver, Colorado.
In Kentucky there is a law against sleeping in a
restaurant.
In Idaho you cannot fish for trout from the back of
a giraffe.
An old Boston law prohibited citizens from taking
more than one bath each week.
If a Michigan woman leaves her husband, then he
is entitled to take possession of all her clothing.
In Idaho you cannot buy a chicken after dark without
permission from the sheriff.
Setting fire to a mule is prohibited in Maine.
It is a crime in several states to dance to the "The
Star Spangled Banner."
It was once illegal in Boston Massachusetts to own
a dog more than ten inches high.
Public checker-playing is against the law in La
Crosse, Wisconsin.
In St. Louis Missouri it is against the law to let
rubbish collect on your roof.
Alabama:
It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while
operating a vehicle.
Connecticut:
You can be stopped by the police for biking over
65 miles per hour.
You are not allowed to walk across a street on
your hands.
Florida:
Women may be fined for falling asleep under
a hair dryer, as can the salon owner.
A special law prohibits unmarried women from
parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest,
fine, and/or jailing.
If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the
parking fee has to be paid just as it would for
a vehicle.
It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired
in a swimsuit. (Topless is OK, just not in a swim suit)
Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of
strapless gown.
Illinois:
It is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to
dogs, cats, and other domesticated animal kept
as pets.
Indiana:
Bathing is prohibited during the winter.
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________
Couples who have lived together a long time have their own
way of communicating. A friend overheard her aunt and uncle
one day: "What are you looking for in that closet?" she asked.
"Nothing," he answered.
"Well, they're not in there. Look under the bed."
Today, on June 23, in
1683 William Penn signed a friendship treaty with Lenni Lenape
Indians in Pennsylvania.
1700 Russia gave up its Black Sea fleet as part of a truce
with the Ottoman Empire.
1758 British and Hanoverian armies defeated the French at
Krefeld in Germany.
1760 The Austrians defeated the Prussians at Landshut,
Germany.
1757 Robert Clive defeated the Indians at Plassey and won
control of Bengal.
1836 The U.S. Congress approved the Deposit Act, which
contained a provision for turning over surplus federal revenue
to the states.
1848 A bloody insurrection of workers in Paris erupted.
1865 Confederate General Stand Watie, who was also a Cherokee
chief, surrendered the last sizable Confederate army at Fort
Towson, in the Oklahoma Territory.
1868 Christopher Latham Sholes received a patent for an
invention that he called a "Type-Writer."
1884 A Chinese Army defeated the French at Bacle, Indochina.
1902 Germany, Austria-Hungary, and Italy renewed the Triple
Alliance for a 12 year duration.
1904 The first American motorboat race got underway on the
Hudson River in New York.
1926 The first lip reading tournament in America was held in
Philadelphia, PA.
1931 Wiley Post and Harold Gatty took off from New York on the
first round-the-world flight in a single-engine plane.
1934 Italy gained the right to colonize Albania after
defeating the country.
1938 The Civil Aeronautics Authority was established.
1947 The U.S. Senate joined the House in overriding President
Truman's veto of the Taft-Hartley Act.
1951 Soviet U.N. delegate Jacob Malik proposed cease-fire
discussions in the Korean War.
1952 The U.S. Air Force bombed power plants on Yalu River,
Korea.
1956 Gamal Abdel Nasser was elected president of Egypt.
1966 Civil Rights marchers in Mississippi were dispersed by
tear gas.
1972 U.S. President Nixon and White House chief of staff H.R.
Haldeman discussed a plan to use the CIA to obstruct the FBI's
Watergate investigation.
2003 Apple Computer Inc. unveiled the new Power Mac desktop
computer.
2004 The U.S. proposed that North Korea agree to a series of
nuclear disarmament measures over a three-month period in
exchange for economic benefits.
2013 In Arizona, aerialist Nik Wallenda completed a quarter
mile tightrope walk over the Little Colorado River Gorge.
2015 NASA's Mars Odyssey completed its 60,000th orbit around
Mars. The spacecraft entered orbit on October 23, 2001.
2015 Verizon announced it had completed its $4.4 billion
purchase of AOL, Inc.
2017 smiled.
Thursday, June 22, 2017, 10:07 AM Posted by Administrator
<B></B>
Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, June 22
Have Fun!
Dearwebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
California mother arrested for trying to
exorcise or kill 11 year old daughter
Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, June 22 in
1611 English explorer Henry Hudson, his son and several other
people were set adrift in present-day Hudson Bay by mutineers.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Punctuality is the virtue of the bored.
--- Evelyn Waugh (1903 - 1966)
There are only two ways of telling the complete truth-
anonymously and posthumously.
--- Thomas Sowell (1930 - )
Washington is a city of Southern efficiency
and Northern charm.
--- John F. Kennedy
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take;
but by the moments that take our breath away!
--- Socratex
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
One evening after dinner, Bob's five-year-old son noticed
that his mother had gone out and he asked,
"Where did mommy go?"
In answer to his questions, he was told, "Mommy is at a
Tupperware party."
This explanation satisfied him for only a moment. Puzzled,
he asked, "What's a Tupperware party, Dad?"
Bob had always given his son honest answers, so he
figured a simple explanation would be the best approach.
"Well, son," he said, "at a Tupperware party, a bunch of
ladies sit around and sell plastic bowls to each other."
He nodded, indicating that he understood this curious
pastime. Then he burst into laughter.
"Come on, Dad," he said.
"What is it really?"
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
On beautiful deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the
following people are stranded, each group on separate
islands:
2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
2 German men and 1 German woman
2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
2 English men and 1 English woman
2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman
2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman
2 Chinese men and 1 Chinese woman
2 American men and 1 American woman
2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman
2 Canadian men and 1 Canadian woman
One month later, on these absolutely stunning deserted
islands in the middle of nowhere, the following things have
occurred:
One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian
woman.
The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of
alternating visits with the German woman.
The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and
the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.
The two English men are waiting for someone to
introduce them to the English woman.
The two Bulgarian men took one long look at the endless
ocean and another long look at the Bulgarian woman and
started swimming.
The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting
instructions.
The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy/liquor/store/
restaurant/laundry, and have got the woman pregnant in
order to supply employees for their store.
The two American men are contemplating the virtues of
suicide, because the American woman keeps on complaining
about her body, the true nature of feminism, how she can do
everything they can do, the necessity of fulfillment, the
equal division of household chores, how sand and palm trees
make her look fat, how her last boyfriend respected her
opinion and treated her nicer than they do, and how her
relationship with her mother is improving, etc..
The two Irish men divided the island into north and south
and set up distilleries. They do not remember if sex is in the
picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few
liters of coconut whiskey. But they're satisfied because at
least the English aren't having any fun.
The Canadians got the Irish and the English women to immigrate
to their island and they are making better whisky than the
Irish. Beer too! They don't care who gets whom, as long as
there is enough beer and whiskey for everybody.
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Roxanne for identifying the flowers as
Purple Loosestrife
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
Reported by the Bausell Sailorz
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Kimberly Felder,
45,
Ferndale,
California
California mother arrested for trying to
exorcise or kill 11 year old daughter
Northern California mother who claimed she was trying to
exorcise demons from her daughter has been booked on suspicion
of biting, choking and shoving handfuls of sand into the
girl’s mouth and eyes on a crowded beach, authorities said.
Kimberly Felder, a 45-year-old Ferndale resident, was arrested
Friday morning on suspicion of attempted homicide, assault
with a deadly weapon, felony child abuse and aggravated
mayhem, Humboldt County Sheriff William Honsal said in a
statement.
The ordeal unfolded about 9 a.m. when authorities received a
report of a mother attacking a small girl at Centerville Beach
County Park near Ferndale, a small city with Victorian-era
homes about 20 miles south of Eureka, Calif.
The witness told authorities the mother was trying to perform
an exorcism. She had stripped the 11-year-old girl naked and
attacked her with sand, Honsal said.
As Felder viciously hit, bit and choked the girl, Honsal said,
a crowd of 10 to 12 people arrived and saw the incident.
During the attack, Felder severely bit her daughter’s right
ear, authorities said.
Resident John Marciel couldn’t stand by and watch the beating,
so he stepped in and restrained Felder, Lt. Ken Swithenbank
said.
As Marciel fought with Felder on the ground, she struck her
daughter on the head with a piece of driftwood, authorities
said.
A sheriff’s deputy later arrived and arrested Felder.
As deputies took Felder into custody, Marciel tended to the
girl, Swithenbank said.
The girl was hospitalized for multiple injuries. She will
probably require reconstructive surgery to her ear, he said.
It is unclear what led the mother to believe her daughter was
possessed and needed an exorcism, Swithenbank said.
The incident, he said, was “strange “ and “very disturbing”
for deputies.
Authorities said if it were not for Marciel’s heroism and
swift actions, the girl would have been killed.
“He was shook up pretty good,” Swithenbank said. “It’s very
heroic what he did.”
For his heroism, the lieutenant said, sheriff’s officials have
requested that Marciel be recognized with the Red Cross
Lifesaver Award.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Frank
Re: Zeus browser hijacker
Dear Webby,
Was reading an article on Newsweek page about WWii artifacts
found in South American and the following appeared while
reading.
I run Malware Bytes. What should I do???
Frank
ZEUS VIRUS DETECTED
blah blah blah call 888....
Dear Frank
It's not a virus, just a scam with a browser hijack.
They just mess with your browser.
Just reset the browser cache and defaults.
You can write to Malwarebytes support and get more information
about it.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
______________________
From Frank:
Webby,
Here is the response from Malwarebytes and it is more than I
wanted to know. It is going to take some time for me to
attempt to sort this out since I'm older than you and not very
computer literate.
I'm truly glad to know you have my back on many occasions.
Perhaps this will provide insight for others having problem
also.
Peace and Blessings
Frank
Frank Subject: Zeus Virus
This message was sent in reference to Case #: 1388130.
-----------------
JUN 21, 2017 | 07:08AM PDT
Maurice replied:
Hello Frank,
Welcome to Malwarebytes support, my name is Maurice and I’ll
be assisting you today.
This scam page is using a multitude of false claims to get you
freaked out so that you call the scammer. None of this is
true. Thanks for relaying the phone number.
This type of scam display is not any actual “infection”. It is
a scam “lure”.
“zeus” is a fake, lure. It is a displayed fake page that shows
on a web browser. It can be got rid of by using a few keyboard
key-presses, or using Task Manager, resetting the browser, or
by powering off the machine. Waiting a bit, then power back up
and allow Windows to reload.
Each customer should also beef up each web browser, do some
tweaks, and ad a ad block.
Getting rid of bogus screen (s):
You can easily use keyboard keypress shortcuts to get rid of
the false pages displayed. ( see below).
What you had experienced is NOT an infection. Not a virus; nor
a malware. It is a scam / fake tech support scheme.
Contrary to what one may have thought, it does not “lock” the
machine.
You can still press the Windows-key on keyboard to get the
Windows menu.
You can use a variety of Windows Keyboard shortcuts to get
around to other choices for remedy.
When this fake is in the foreground and in a web browser,
there are many ways to get it off the screen.
I would suggest to do a few keyboard presses to get rid of the
windows on-screen.
Press and hold ALT-key on keyboard and then tap the F4
function key a to get the foreground windows closed and done
away with. ( repeat use of ALT + F4 sequence).
ALT + F4 is especially helpful against the smaller window ( if
any) that is up in front.
ALT + HOME key on the keyboard will put your browser page back
onto your prior choice for Home page. That easily deals with
the bigger full page displayed.
Then while still in the web browser, press and hold SHIFT +
CTRL + DELete keys to start the process to delete all browser
cache & history.
Another way is to press and hold CTRL key on keyboard and then
tap W key. CTRL + W
That should close the Tab page of the web browser.
You can repeat as needed.
Another way: is to open a new Tab by using CTRL +T ( that
opens a new tab). Then you can use your mouse go to the rogue
tab & then click the X control on the upper right top of the
rogue tab-window).
Have patience when you try this.
And, there is always the ability to end the web-browser
program thru using Windows’ Task Manager applet.
Click the Start button and type:
taskmgr.exe
and then press Enter.
In the processes tab, find the process for whichever browser
you are running:
iexplore.exe, firefox.exe, chrome.exe, MicrosoftEdge.exe,
MicrosoftEdgeCP.exe and then click End Process or Terminate.
Look at the following Malwarebytes Blog article and scroll
down to the section marked Clear your browser’s cache
and do that for each of your web browser programs.
https://blog.malwarebytes.com/puppum/2017/04/adware-the-series-part-1/
RESET web browser program:
Which one of the web browsers is this on ? Reset the browser
and make real sure it does not re-open same page as last
session.
Please try to reset your browser settings and see if that
helps -
These are the ways – the HOW TO pages – for the 3 most popular
web browsers. Just click each link to see the specific advice
for it.
You would want to put back your own choice for Start page /
Home page / and also for Search engine preference.
Just click the link to the browser you have installed.
If you have more than one, then do one at a time.
Please try to reset your browser settings and see if that
helps -
Internet Explorer in WindowsGoogle Chrome browserFirefox:
First, do a refresh for Firefox.
Then set your own choices for search engine, and start & home
page, etc.
https://support.mozilla.org/en-US/kb/reset-firefox-fix-most-problems
For EDGE browser in Windows 10 :
Edge browser is set by default to “restart on the same page as
it was on the last time”. So, now you need to set it to your
own choice.
Either a blank page or a specific website of your own choice.
You could make it bing.com as one safe example.
Please do try to Reset the Edge browser to defaults, with
these tips.
In Microsoft edge
Click the three dots … (top right hand corner under the X
sign)
[]
Click settings
Change – Open new tabs with
Top sites
Arrow V down and Select – A blank page ( or make some other
selection that is right for you ).
For the long term, use these tips to beef up your web
browsers.:
Go into the Options ( settings) of Internet Explorer ( and any
other web browser you have).
Make sure that the POPUP blocker is ON.
Set the option on for rejecting (decline) 3rd-party cookies.
And in addition to all that:
Use a good browser extension ( add on) ad blocker. If your pc
has no ad blocker add-on for your browser(s), I would suggest
uBlock Origin.
For Mozilla Firefox, use the Mozilla page at this link
https://addons.mozilla.org/addon/ublock-origin/
For Google Chrome, see
https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/ublock-origin/cjpalhdlnbpafiamejdnhcphjbkeiagm
For Internet Explorer browser:
https://adblockplus.org/en/internet-explorer
IF your Windows 10 is at build 1607 or later, you can install
a ad-blocker for the EDGE browser
Point Edge to this link
https://adblockplus.org/
For Opera browser, see
https://addons.opera.com/en-gb/extensions/details/ublock/
Maurice
Customer Success
________________________________
It would be a good idea if you saved this good and valuable
information, and gradually armor your browser against this
kind of nuisance.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
The Dean of Women at an exclusive girls' school was lecturing
her students on sexual morality. "We live today in very
difficult times for young people. In moments of temptation,"
she said, "ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of
pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?"
A young woman rose in the back of the room and said, "Excuse
me, but how do you make it last an hour?"
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Gluten Free Peach Cobbler
By Litter Gitter [220 Posts, 692 Comments]
I experimented making a gluten free Peach cobbler by using
gluten free bisquick. It turned out irresistible. I tasted it
when it came out of the oven and couldn't keep my spoon out of
it while cooking dinner. After dinner, I just had to have
another piece. My husband wanted a second helping also. He
said all it needed was a scoop of ice cream on top. When we
started doing the dishes, he looked at what was left of the
peach cobbler and asked me, "Did you eat that much?" I
couldn't deny it.
Ingredients:
1/4 cup butter
1 cup Gluten Free Bisquick
1 cup sugar
1/2 tsp vanilla
2 eggs
1 15 ounce can sliced peaches
Steps:
Preheat oven at 350 degrees F.
Place butter in 8x8 inch Pyrex dish. Place in oven to melt.
Drain juice from the peaches.
Mix eggs, sugar and vanilla together. Add peach juice and mix.
Add bisquick and mix well.
Pour the batter into hot melted butter.
Drop spoonfuls of peaches evenly onto the batter.
Bake 35 minutes or until golden brown.
Serve with vanilla ice cream while warm. Enjoy!
____________________________________________________
What it's like to be shot
in a Mercedez with an AK-47
____________________________________________________
"In this job we need someone who is responsible," said the
employer.
"Then I'm your man," answered the potential employee.
"On my last job, every time anything went wrong,
they said I was responsible."
___________________________________________________
When big hair roamed the earth in the '60's.
Traveling through New England, a motorist stopped for gas
in a tiny village. "What's this place called?" he asked the
station attendant.
"All depends," the native drawled. "Do you mean by them
that has to live in this dad-blamed, moth-eaten, dust-covered
dump, or by them that's merely enjoying its quaint and
picturesque rustic charms for a short spell ?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________
A woman in Arkansas brought her baby in to see the doctor,
and he determined right away the baby had an ear ache.
He wrote a prescription for ear drops. In the directions
he wrote, "Put two drops in right ear every four hours"
and he abbreviated "right" as an R with a circle around it.
Several days passed, and the woman returned with her baby,
complaining that the baby still had an earache, and his
little behind was getting really greasy with all those
drops of oil.
The doctor looked at the bottle of ear drops and sure
enough, the pharmacist had typed the following instructions
on the label: "Put two drops in R ear every four hours."
Today, on June 22, in
1558 The French took the French town of Thioville from the
English.
1611 English explorer Henry Hudson, his son and several other
people were set adrift in present-day Hudson Bay by mutineers.
1772 Slavery was outlawed in England.
1807 British seamen board the USS Chesapeake, a provocation
leading to the War of 1812.
1815 Napoleon Bonaparte abdicated a second time.
1832 J.I. Howe patented the pin machine.
1870 The U.S. Congress created the Department of Justice.
1874 Dr. Andrew Taylor Still began the first known practice of
osteopathy.
1909 The first transcontinental auto race ended in Seattle,
WA.
1911 King George V of England was crowned.
1915 Austro-German forces occupied Lemberg on the Eastern
Front as the Russians retreat.
1925 France and Spain agreed to join forces against Abd el
Krim in Morocco.
1933 Germany became a one political party country when Hitler
banned parties other than the Nazis.
1939 The first U.S. water-ski tournament was held at Jones
Beach, on Long Island, New York.
1940 France and Germany signed an armistice at Compiegne, on
terms dictated by the Nazis.
1941 Under the codename Barbarossa, Germany invaded the Soviet
Union.
1942 A Japanese submarine shelled Fort Stevens at the mouth of
the Columbia River.
1942 In France, Pierre Laval declared "I wish for a German
victory".
1942 V-Mail, or Victory-Mail, was sent for the first time.
1944 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt signed the "GI Bill of
Rights" to provide broad benefits for veterans of the war.
1945 During World War II, the battle for Okinawa officially
ended after 81 days.
1946 Jet airplanes were used to transport mail for the first
time.
1956 The battle for Algiers began as three buildings in Casbah
were blown up.
1959 Eddie Lubanski rolled 24 consecutive strikes in a bowling
tournament in Miami, FL.
1964 The U.S. Supreme Court voted that Henry Miller's book,
"Tropic of Cancer", could not be banned.
1970 U.S. President Richard Nixon signed an extension of the
Voting Rights Act of 1965. It required that the voting age in
the United States to be 18.
1973 Skylab astronauts splashed down safely in the Pacific
after a record 28 days in space.
1974 In Chicago, the Sears Tower Skydeck opened. (Willis
Tower)
1978 James W. Christy and Robert S. Harrington discovered the
only known moon of Pluto. The moon is named Charon.
1980 The Soviet Union announced a partial withdrawal of its
forces from Afghanistan.
1989 The government of Angola and the anti-Communist rebels of
the UNITA movement agreed to a formal truce in their 14-year-
old civil war.
1990 Checkpoint Charlie was dismantled in Berlin.
1992 The U.S. Supreme Court unanimously ruled that hate-crime
laws that ban cross-burning and similar expressions of racial
bias violated free-speech rights.
1998 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that evidence illegally
obtained by authorities could be used at revocation hearings
for a convicted criminal's parole.
1999 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that persons with remediable
handicaps cannot claim discrimination in employment under the
Americans with Disability Act.
2009 Eastman Kodak Company announced that it would discontinue
sales of the Kodachrome Color Film.
2017 smiled.
Wednesday, June 21, 2017, 08:20 AM Posted by Administrator
<B></B>
Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, June 21
Here are some trigger phrases to use in MailWasher or Eudora
or whatever you use for diverting spam to trash:
Administrator
Suspension notice
Email Account Suspension
Communicado
cuartoastral
Sponsors
Complimentary
enlargement
Name Brand Meds
target=_blank
Rolex
Offer Confirmation
Message Subject
Data base of
refinance
emailing
Documents from work
MSN Featured
Payroll
% off
.ru/
zip
"==_" or "------=_"
THIS WILL BE OUR LAST
DON'T DELETE THIS MESSAGE
If the Body contains "if images are blocked" then hide the
message from the messages list , and automatically (without
warning or notification) delete the message. This filter
takes priority over the friends list.
If the From field does not contain"@" or not "." then hide
the message from the messages list, and automatically
(without warning or notification) delete the message.
If the entire header contains "charset=iso-" or "koi8-r" or
"GB2312" or the Body contains "base64" or the entire header
contains "iso-2022-jp" or "=?windows" or the Body contains
"8bit" then mark the message as mail to be deleted.
If the Body contains "THIS IS A WARNING MESSAGE ONLY" then
hide the message from the messages list , and automatically
(without warning or notification) delete the message.
No Subject:
If the Subject field does not contain RegExpr"\w" then mark
the message as mail to be deleted.
Cyrillic
If the entire header contains RegExpr"Content-
type[^\n]*(\n[^\n]*)?charset=(3D)?"?(windows-1251|iso-8859-
5|koi8)" then mark the message as mail to be deleted.
Korean
If the entire header contains RegExpr"Content-
type[^\n]*(\n[^\n]*)?charset=(3D)?"?(ks_c_5601-1987|euc-
kr|iso-2022-kr)" then mark the message as mail to be deleted.
Japanese
If the entire header contains RegExpr"Content-
type[^\n]*(\n[^\n]*)?charset=(3D)?"?(euc-jp|iso-2022-jp)"
then mark the message as mail to be deleted. This filter
takes priority over the friends list.
By the way, I have absolutely nothing agaisnt the Japanese or
Koreans or ... whatever, as long as they write in one of MY
languages. If they write in a language, that I can't read,
then they are obviously spammers, who are just broadcasting
without knowing who they mail to. There is a place in hell for
them, and a place in the trash for their mail.
Save the above part and use it for guidance when you make
filters. Add whatever additional filters you come up with, and
save them online or on your favorite camera chip. Plain text
takes a negligible amount of space.
Have Fun!
Dearwebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida toddler pulls loaded gun from toy box
during child welfare check.
Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, June 21 in
1859 Andrew Lanergan received the first rocket patent.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
My own business always bores me to death;
I prefer other people's.
--- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
I wonder what it means when your grandson is
more crotchety than you are.
--- Aaron McGruder
There are only two kinds of people who are really
fascinating: people who know absolutely everything,
and people who know absolutely nothing.
--- Oscar Wilde
When you come to a fork in the road, take it.
--- Yogi Berra
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
One year, Johnny's family was having the "extended
family" cookout at their home. One of the special treats
that year was the lighting of the fireworks (Roman candles,
bottle rockets, missile batteries, etc.) they had bought
out of state. (because they are illegal in their state, of
course!)
Just before they were to arrive, a cousin calls, saying
their neighbor's plans had just fallen through, and could
they bring them along to the picnic - they even had
extra food to bring.
"Sure, the more the merrier!"
Upon arrival and meeting of their cousin's
neighbor, it is discovered that he's a police
officer. The father turns as innocently as he
can to Johnny, and whispers to him to grab the
paper bag of fireworks sitting in the kitchen and
hide them somewhere quickly. Johnny disappears,
and the father changes the topic to food for the
day. The family had brought some chicken to grill,
so the father tells then the gas grill is all set to
use out back - just turn on the gas and push the
ignition button with the lid still closed.
They head out the back, as Johnny comes back
in through the front door. The father hurries to
him and says "Whew, that was close! That
man's a police officer, and he almost saw the
fireworks. Did you hide them real well?"
"Oh, yes! Nobody will ever think to look in
the grill!"
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
>From Rev Garth
After finishing an out-of-town errand, I discovered that my
car wouldn't start because it was out of gas. A passer-by
told me there was a service station a half mile away, so I
took a gas can from the trunk and trudged the distance in
the sweltering sun.
The attendant filled my two gallon can, and I lugged it back
and poured the gas into the tank. But when I tried to unlock
the car door, it wouldn't open. Just then, I noticed an
identical old car parked a short distance away. That was
my car. I had filled a stranger's gas tank.
Wearily I walked back to the station. The attendant suggested
helpfully, "You know, instead of walking back and forth to
fill the tank from the can, you could put a couple of gallons
in the tank and then drive the car here."
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Rosalyn Faniel,
34,
Boynton Beach,
Floriduh
Florida toddler pulls loaded gun from toy box
during child welfare check
A Boynton Beach toddler pulled a loaded gun out of his toy box
as police were investigating his home for possible child
neglect, the Palm Beach Post reports.
Police say the Florida Department of Children services was
called to the home to speak to the child’s mother, Rosalyn
Faniel, 34, about child neglect allegations and complaints
they received about a man selling drugs out of the home.
As Faniel was being questioned by a police officer and a DCF
worker, the cop observed her 3-year-old child pull a loaded
black 9mm semi-automatic pistol out of his “my little
learning” toy box and start handling it. Officers immediately
took the gun from the child. Police say the gun was loaded
with a bullet in the chamber and the safety off.
Officers searched the house for other potential hazards and
found a box of 9mm ammunition sitting on top of a refrigerator
in plain sight next to a black scale and pink makeup bag
carrying six bags of white/pink powder weighing .6 grams in
total. The powder tested positive for `Oxycodone, says the
report.
Faniel was taken into custody and charged with child neglect
Tuesday. She was released from the Palm Beach County Jail
Wednesday on a $3,000 bond, according to court records.
The Palm Beach Post says Faniel also faces charges for failure
to appear in court and violating release conditions, adding an
extra $500 to her bond.
She is due back in court on July 13.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Ella
Re: Phone not showing who is calling
Dear Webby,
I was told that my new phone would show me who is calling,
but it never does, but it shows me who called while I was
away. I know it's probably something stupid simple, so I
am afraid to ask anybody around here because they will
laugh about it for years.
Thanks
Ella
Dear Ella
You are just too efficient for your own good.
Don't pounce on the phone like a desperate spinster.
Relax, compose yourself, and wait for the second ring.
Just before the second ring, the calling number will appear.
If it is a telemarketer, lift the phone a couple of inches,
and bash the rubber duckie, that you have sitting beside
the phone, with your other hand, before letting the phone
clatter down on it's cradle.
If he phones back, then it wasn't a telemarketer.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Judge to convict: "The prisons are all full,so I'm sentencing
you to five years in the waiting room at the department of
motor vehicles."
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Cleaning Chrome Fixtures
By Marty Dick [169 Posts, 1,002 Comments]
CLR or vinegar
____________________________________________________
How Eratosthenes estimated
the circumference of the Earth
____________________________________________________
>From Gina
Time Zones!
Stationed in Okinawa, Japan, my son and his wife
were expecting their first baby. I was elated when
he called me at work with the news of my grandchild's
birth. I took down all the statistics and turned to
relate it all to my co-workers.
"I'm a grandmother!" I declared. "It's a baby girl,
and she weighs five pounds."
"When was she born?" someone asked.
Recalling the date my son told me, I stopped, looked
at the calendar, and said in amazement, "Tomorrow!"
___________________________________________________
Tanks a lot!
>From Kati:
The husband and wife go to a counselor after 15 years of
marriage. The counselor asks them what the problem is and the
wife goes into a tirade listing every problem they have ever
had in the 15 years they've been married. She goes on and on
and on. Finally, the counselor gets up, goes around the desk,
embraces the woman and kisses her passionately. The woman
shuts up and sits quietly in a daze. The counselor turns to
the husband and says "That is what your wife needs at least
three times a week. Can you do that?"
The husband thinks for a moment and replies, "Well, I can get
her here Monday and Wednesday, but Friday I work day shift. "
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________
This is an actual conversation I over-heard at the cross walk.
A young woman was talking with an older woman, apparently her
mother. "I haven't slept in three days," she complained. "The
baby is teething and he's up all night crying."
"Why don't you just dip a finger into a thimble-full of brandy
and rub it on his gums? That will numb them up and put him
right to sleep." answered mom.
"I can't give the baby alcohol! Lord knows what that will do
to him."
"Well, it never hurt you any."
The look on her face was priceless.
Today, on June 21, in
1404 Owain Glyndwr established a Welsh Parliament at
Machynlleth and was crowned Prince of Wales.
1788 The U.S. Constitution went into effect when New Hampshire
became the ninth state to ratify it.
1834 Cyrus McCormick patented the first practical mechanical
reaper for farming. Others patented reapers at the same time
or earlier.
1859 Andrew Lanergan received the first rocket patent.
1893 The Ferris Wheel was introduced at the World's Columbian
Exposition in Chicago, IL.
1913 Georgia Broadwick became the first woman to jump from an
airplane.
1937 In Paris, Leon Blum's Popular Front Cabinet resigned.
1938 In Washington, U.S. President Roosevelt signed the $3.75
billion Emergency Relief Appropriation Act.
1939 Lou Gehrig quit baseball due to illness.
1941 German troops entered Russia on a front from the Arctic
to Black Sea.
1945 Pan Am announced an 88-hour round-the-world flight at a
cost of $700.
1954 The American Cancer Society reported significantly higher
death rates among cigarette smokers than among non-smokers.
They claimed non-smokers did not die.
1958 In Arkansas, a federal judge let Little Rock delay school
integration.
1958 Linus Pauling and Detlev Bronke, both Americans, were
elected to the Soviet Academy of Science.
1960 In Zurich, German, Armin Hary ran 100-meters in a record
10.0 seconds.
1963 In St. Louis, Bob Hayes set a record when he ran the 100-
yard dash in 0:09.1.
1963 France announced that they were withdrawing from the
North Atlantic NATO fleet.
1973 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that states may ban
materials found to be obscene according to local standards.
1974 The U.S. Supreme Court decided that pregnant teachers
could no longer be forced to take long leaves of absence.
1985 Scientists announced that skeletal remains exhumed in
Brazil were those of Nazi war criminal Josef Mengele.
1989 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that burning the American
flag as a form of political protest was protected by the First
Amendment.
2001 Former Haitian Army colonel Carl Dorelien was taken into
custody in Port St. Lucie. Dorelien had been in exile since
1994 when he was sentenced to life in prison for his role in a
1994 massacre.
2003 The fifth Harry Potter book, "Harry Potter and the Order
of the Phoenix," was published by J.K. Rowling. Amazon.com
shipped out more than one million copies on this day making
the day the largest distribution day of a single item in e-
commerce history. The book set sales records around the world
with an estimated 5 million copies were sold on the first day.
2004 SpaceShipOne, designed by Burt Rutan and piloted by Mike
Melvill, reached 328,491 feet above Earth in a 90 minute
flight. The height is about 400 feet above the distance
scientists consider to be the boundary of space.
2017 smiled.
Tuesday, June 20, 2017, 08:42 AM Posted by Administrator
<B></B>
Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, June 20
If you are wondering how Eratosthenes calculated the
circumference of the Earth so exactly, check out Noella's
video today.
Have Fun!
Dearwebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
100-pound Jacksonville man slips out of handcuffs,
climbs through car divider window, steals police car
Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, June 20 in
1977 The Trans-Alaska Pipeline began operation. Still works just fine.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Ask yourself whether you are happy and you cease to be so.
--- John Stuart Mill (1806 - 1873)
If only we'd stop trying to be happy we could have a
pretty good time.
--- Edith Wharton (1862 - 1937)
Imagination is more important than knowledge...
--- Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
An elderly gentlemen went in for his annual physical
exam. The doctor said, "You're in incredible shape. How
old are you again?" The man replied, "I am 78."
The doctor exclaimed, "Wow, 78. How do you stay so
healthy? You look like a 60 year old." The man
explained, "Well, my wife and I made a pact when we got
married that whenever she got mad she would go into the
kitchen and cool off and I would go outside to settle down."
"What does that have to do with it?" asked the doctor.
The man sighed, "I've pretty much lived an outdoor lifestyle."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Catherine, a RN, was unhappy with her job, so she submitted
her resignation. She was sure she'd have no trouble finding
a new position, because of the nursing shortage in her area.
She e-mailed cover letters to dozens of potential employers
and attached her resume to each one. Two weeks later,
Catherine was dismayed and bewildered that she had not
received even one request for an interview.
Finally she received a message from a prospective employer
that explained the reason she hadn't heard from anyone else.
It read: "Your resume was not attached as stated. I do, how-
ever, want to thank you for the vegetable lasagna recipe."
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Shawn Tippins,
32,
Listed sex offender, (Lewd or Lascivious Battery;
Sex With Victim 12 To 15)
Jacksonville,
Floriduh
100-pound Jacksonville man slips out of handcuffs,
climbs through car divider window, steals police car
A Camden County Sheriff's Office patrol car was wrecked Friday
night after a suspect, seated in the back seat of the vehicle
in handcuffs, managed to steal the vehicle.
According to the arrest report, Shawn Tippins of Jacksonville,
was stopped by officers at Bedell Ave and West Fourth Street
in Camden County for driving under the influence.
The Camden County Sheriff's Office arrest report said the
deputy questioned Tippins and asked him to perform a walk-and-
turn test, which Tippins wasn't able to complete.
Tippins refused a breath test from the deputy who then placed
him under arrest.
According to the report, Tippins began yelling at another
deputy. so he was led to the back of a patrol vehicle, still
handcuffed, and placed in the back seat.
The deputy said he cracked the center divider in the patrol
car in order to allow air conditioning to reach Tippins.
The arrest report said that Tippins, listed as 5-foot-2 and
100 pounds, slipped the handcuffs, climbed through the center
divider and drove away in the patrol car at a high rate of
speed.
Tippins wrecked multiple cars and caused significant damage to
the patrol car he stole, deputies said.
After a chase, Tippins was recaptured and transported to jail.
Tippins faces 19 charges including theft of a police vehicle,
improper driving, reckless driving, aggressive driving, and
unlawful use of a vehicle.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Joy
Re: Commie Icons
Dear Webby,
I let Gramma send some postcards from my computer, and now
it's haunted! I had all my work icons arranged just right
along the left margin, nice and tight in clusters for
different projects, some of them slightly overlapping to save
space but still accessible.
Now they are all in rigid formation, all apart, like North
Korean soldiers, and when I drag them to where they shold be,
they jump back!
HELP! Joy
Dear Joy
Gramma seems to have accidentally turned on "Auto-Arrange",
one of the least useful features as far as power users are
concerned.
Just right-click on any blank area on the desktop, choose
ARRANGE ICONS, and take the checkmark off "Auto-Arrange".
Done. Now they will stay where you put them.
Unfortunately, that won't put the icons back where they
belong, but at least now they will stay where you put them.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Judge to convict: "The prisons are all full,so I'm sentencing
you to five years in the waiting room at the department of
motor vehicles."
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Guide Growing Feverfew
By ShirleyE [182 Posts, 107 Comments]
Feverfew is a type of chrysanthemum and spreads like wildfire
in our garden and we have to weed some of it out, but it is a
very pretty plant. It is also medicinal, containing salicylic
acid (the stuff aspirin is made of) and therefore said to be
good for headaches. Not that I am sure I would take it because
the salicylic acid makes it taste exceedingly bitter. Maybe
best keep to manufactured aspirin so you know the dose you are
taking.
____________________________________________________
How Eratosthenes estimated
the circumference of the Earth
____________________________________________________
The weather was very hot and pastor Fred wanted desperately
to take a dive in a nearby lake. Having forgotten to pack a
swimming suit, he chose to skinny dip.
After some delightful minutes of cool swimming, a pair of
middle-aged ladies walked onto the shore in his direction. He
panicked, got out of the water and grabbed a bucket lying in
the sand nearby. He strategically positioned the bucket and
sighed with relief.
The ladies got nearby and looked at him. He felt awkward and
wanted to move. Then one of the ladies said: "You know, I have
a special gift, I can read minds."
"Impossible," said the embarrassed pastor. "You can't really
know what I think!"
She said: "Yes, I do know. Right now I bet you think that the
bucket you're holding has a bottom."
___________________________________________________
I don't think I want one of these as a pet!
A little girl was wearing one of those Medical Alert
bracelets. Someone asked her what the bracelet was for. She
replied, "I'm allergic to nuts and eggs."
The person asked, "Are you allergic to cats?"
The girl said, "I don't know....I don't eat cats."
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________
BASIC LAWS OF EMPLOYMENT
1. If you're unable to get your work done in the first 24
hours, work nights.
2. Never become irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced,
you can't be promoted.
3. After any salary increase, you will have less money at
the end of the month than you did before.
4. You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and
carry a clipboard.
5. Whenever bosses talk about productivity improvements,
they're never talking about themselves.
6. To err is human, to forgive is not our policy.
7. If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit.
There's no use being a damn fool about it.
8. A pat on the back is only a few inches from a kick in
the ass.
9. If you're good, you'll be assigned all the work. If
you're really good, you'll know how to get out of it.
10. When you aren't sure what to do, walk fast and look
worried.
11. No matter how much you do, you never do enough.
12. Consume one live toad first thing in the morning and
nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
13. If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get
done.
Today, on June 20, in
0451 Roman and Barbarian warriors brought Attila's army to a
halt at the Catalaunian Plains in eastern France.
1397 The Union of Kalmar united Denmark, Sweden, and Norway
under one monarch.
1756 In India, 150 British soldiers were imprisoned in a cell
that became known as the "Black Hole of Calcutta."
1791 King Louis XVI of France was captured while attempting to
flee the country in the so-called Flight to Varennes.
1793 Eli Whitney applied for a cotton gin patent. He received
the patent on March 14. The cotton gin initiated the American
mass-production concept.
1837 Queen Victoria ascended the British throne following the
death of her uncle, King William IV.
1898 The U.S. Navy seized the island of Guam enroute to the
Phillipines to fight the Spanish.
1910 Mexican President Porfirio Diaz proclaimed martial law
and arrested hundreds.
1923 France announced it would seize the Rhineland to assist
Germany in paying its war debts. It did not go over well.
1941 The U.S. Army Air Forces was established, replacing the
Army Air Corps. The Army Air Forces were abolished with the
creation of the United States Air Force in 1947.
1943 Race-related rioting erupted in Detroit. Federal troops
were sent in two days later to end the violence that left more
than 30 dead.
1947 Benjamin "Bugsy" Siegel was murdered in Beverly Hills,
CA, at the order of mob associates angered over the soaring
costs of his project, the Flamingo resort in Las Vegas, NV.
1963 The United States and Soviet Union signed an agreement to
set up a hot line communication link between the two
countries, the famous "Red Phone".
1966 The U.S. Open golf tournament was broadcast in color for
the first time.
1967 Muhammad Ali was convicted in Houston of violating
Selective Service laws by refusing to be drafted. The U.S.
Supreme Court later overturned the conviction.
1977 The Trans-Alaska Pipeline began operation. Still works
just fine.
1979 ABC News correspondent Bill Stewart was shot to death in
Managua, Nicaragua, by a member of President Anastasio
Somoza's national guard.
1983 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that employers must treat
male and female workers equally in providing health benefits
for their spouses.
1997 The tobacco industry agreed to a massive settlement in
exchange for major relief from mounting lawsuits and legal
bills.
2002 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the execution of
mentally retarded murderers was unconstitutionally cruel. The
vote was 6 in favor and 3 against.
2017 smiled.
Monday, June 19, 2017, 09:09 AM Posted by Administrator
<B></B>
Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, June 19
Have Fun!
Dearwebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
20-year-old felon jailed after he shot
somebody while on store surveillance video.
Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, June 18 in
0240 BC Eratosthenes estimated the circumference of the Earth
using two sticks. He got pretty close!
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
People who reach the top of the tree are only those who
haven't got the qualifications to detain them at the bottom.
--- Peter Ustinov (1921 - 2004)
The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit
that carries any reward.
--- John Maynard Keynes (1883 - 1946)
What this country needs is more free speech
worth listening to.
--- Hansell B. Duckett
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
>From Linda
My high school assignment I was to ask a veteran about World
War II. Since my father had served ?in the Philippines during
the war, ?I chose him. After a few basic questions, I very
gingerly asked, “Did you ever kill anyone?”
Dad got quiet. Then, in a soft voice, he said, "Maybe,
I was the cook."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
A motorist driving by a Texas ranch hit and killed a
calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to
the owner of the calf and explained what had happened.
He then asked what the animal was worth.
"Oh, about $200 today," said the rancher. "But in
six years it would have been worth $900. So $900 is
what I'm out."
The motorist sat down and wrote out a check and handed
it to the farmer.
"Here," he said, "is the check for $900. It's
post-dated six years from now."
______________________________________________________
From "I love lighthouses"
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Brandon Torrey,
20,
Birmingham,
Alabama
20-year-old felon jailed after he shot
somebody while on store surveillance video.
A Birmingham man is under arrest after police say surveillance
video showed him shooting another man at a southwest
Birmingham convenience store.
Brandon Torrey, 20, is charged with attempted murder, shooting
into an occupied building and being a felon in possession of a
firearm, said Birmingham police Sgt. Bryan Shelton.
The shooting happened Wednesday, May 3, 2017. Shelton said the
victim was waiting in line at M & N Grocery on Pearson Avenue.
The video shows the suspect open the door to the store and
open fire on the victim, whose name has not been released.
The police department's Crime Reduction Team took Torrey into
custody on Tuesday, according to jail records. He remains
jailed with bond set at $60,000.
Court records show Torrey pleaded guilty last year to three
felonies receiving stolen property, unlawful breaking and
entering of a vehicle and burglary. He was sentenced to 10
years in prison with six months to serve.
"The video displays an individual with a total disregard for
life,'' Shelton said. "We are truly, truly thankful the victim
lived."
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Dani
Re: emojis
Dear Webby,
Hope you are doing well. I love the pictures you post of your
father's cacti.
I am looking for a good safe website for emoji's. One without
other junk attached that could mess up my computer.
I figured go to the EXPERT! Can you help with a good one?
Thanks you so much.
Dani
Dear Dani
Try this one:
https://emojikeyboard.org
Have FUN!
DearWebby
The shipwrecked mariner had spent several years on a
deserted island. Then one morning he was thrilled to see
a ship offshore and a smaller vessel pulling out toward him.
When the boat grounded on the beach, the officer in charge
handed the marooned sailor a bundle of newspapers and told
him, "The captain said to read through these and let us know
if you still want to be rescued."
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Wine Bottle To Water Plants
By Trina Sudhoff [9 Posts, 10 Comments]
My indoor plants need frequent watering and often get wilty
before I get a chance to water them. I found a great way to
keep them more hydrated and water less often wine! Well, wine
bottles that is (or any empty bottle with a narrow neck).
Just fill an empty bottle with water, dig a little hole in the
soil of your potted plant, and quickly invert the bottle and
press into the soil as firmly and upright as possible. As the
soil dries, it wicks the water from the opening and keeps the
soil moist until your next feeding.
Source: A party at my house with a lot of wine!
By ECONOMYSTIMUL8R from Sunny South FL
____________________________________________________
UUTAi Olena - Russian shaman lady
____________________________________________________
Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal and says to
the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
The man said, "I do, Father."
The priest said, "Then leave this pub right now!"
The priest approached a second man and said,
"Do you want to got to heaven?"
"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.
"Then leave this den of Satan," said the priest.
The priest walked up to O'Toole and said,
"Do you want to go to heaven?"
"No, I don't, Father," O'Toole replied.
The priest looked him right in the eye and said,
"You mean to tell me that, when you die, you don't
want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole smiled. "Oh, when I die. Yes, sure, Father.
I thought you were getting a group together to go right
now."
___________________________________________________
Tanks a lot!
A lawyer was reading the will of a rich man to the people
mentioned in it:
"To my loving wife, Rose, who stood by me in the rough
times as well as the smooth, I will the house and two
million dollars.
"To my daughter, Jessica, who looked after me in illness
and kept the business going, I will the yacht, the business,
and one million dollars.
"And to my cousin, Dan, who hated me, argued with me,
and who thought I would not remember him in my will:
You were wrong. Dan, I remember that you are a useless
turkey."
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________
Thanks to Michelle for this one:
When I returned home from college for a break, I noticed a
paper posted on the refrigerator. It listed some goals my
dad had set for himself:
Help wife more;
lose weight;
be more productive at work.
I promptly added: "Send Michelle money every month."
A few days later my brother wrote: "Make payments on
car for Jason."
Then my boyfriend joined in with: "Buy Tom a Jeep."
Finally my father added a new goal to his amended list:
"Wean the kids."
Today, on June 19, in
0240 BC Eratosthenes estimated the circumference of the Earth
using two sticks. He got pretty close!
1586 English colonists sailed away from Roanoke Island, NC,
after failing to establish England's first permanent
settlement in America.
1778 U.S. General George Washington's troops finally left
Valley Forge after a winter of training.
1821 The Ottomans defeated the Greeks at the Battle of
Dragasani.
1862 U.S. President Abraham Lincoln outlined his Emancipation
Proclamation, which outlawed slavery in U.S. territories.
1864 The USS Kearsarge sank the CSS Alabama off of Cherbourg,
France.
1865 The emancipation of slaves was proclaimed in Texas.
1873 Eadweard Muybridge successfully photographed a horse
named "Sallie Gardner" in fast motion using a series of 24
stereoscopic cameras. This is considered the first step toward
motion pictures.
1903 The young school teacher, Benito Mussolini, was placed
under investigation by police in Bern, Switzerland.
1910 The first Father's Day was celebrated in Spokane,
Washington.
1911 In Pennsylvania, the first motion-picture censorship
board was established.
1912 The U.S. government established the 8-hour work day.
1917 During World War I, King George V ordered the British
royal family to dispense with German titles and surnames.
1933 France granted Leon Trotsky political asylum.
1937 The town of Bilbao, Spain, fell to the Nationalist
forces.
1939 In Atlanta, GA, legislation was enacted that disallowed
pinball machines in the city.
1942 Norma Jeane Mortenson (Marilyn Monroe) and her 21-year-
old neighbor Jimmy Dougherty were married. They were divorced
in June of 1946.
1942 British Prime Minister Winston Churchill arrived in
Washington, DC, to discuss the invasion of North Africa with
U.S. President Roosevelt.
1943 Henry Kissinger became a naturalized United States
citizen.
1944 The U.S. won the battle of the Philippine Sea against the
Imperial Japanese fleet.
1958 In Washington, DC, nine entertainers refused to answer a
congressional committee's questions on communism.
1961 Kuwait regained complete independence from Britain.
1961 The U.S. Supreme Court struck down a provision in
Maryland's constitution that required state officeholders to
profess a belief in God.
1964 The Civil Rights Act of 1964 was approved after surviving
an 83-day filibuster in the U.S. Senate.
1965 Air Marshall Nguyen Cao Ky became South Vietnam's
youngest premier at age 34.
1968 50,000 people marched on Washington, DC. to support the
Poor People's Campaign.
1973 The Case-Church Amendment prevented further U.S.
involvement in Southeast Asia.
1973 Gordie Howe left the NHL to join his sons Mark and Marty
in the WHA (World Hockey League).
1978 Garfield was in newspapers around the U.S. for the first
time.
1981 "Superman II" set the all-time, one-day record for
theater box-office receipts when it took in $5.5 million.
1981 The European Space Agency sent two satellites into orbit
from Kourou, French Guiana.
1983 Lixian-nian was chosen to be China's first president
since 1969.
1987 The U.S. Supreme Court struck down the Louisiana law that
required that schools teach creationism.
1989 The movie "Batman" premiered.
1998 Gateway was fined more than $400,000 for illegally
shipping personal computers to 16 countries subject to U.S.
export controls.
1998 A study released said that smoking more than doubles
risks of developing dementia and Alzheimer's.
1998 Switzerland's three largest banks offered $600 million to
settle claims they'd stolen the assets of Holocaust victims
during World War II. Jewish leaders called the offer
insultingly low.
2000 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that a group prayer led by
students at public-school football games violated the 1st
Amendment's principle that called for the separation of church
and state.
2017 smiled.
Sunday, June 18, 2017, 09:53 AM Posted by Administrator
<B></B>
Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, June 17
Today is Fathers Day!
Happy Fathers Day to all fathers out there!
Have Fun!
Dearwebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Alabama man arrested after low-speed chase in stolen
flatbed truck after unable to get out of 1st gear
Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, June 18 in
1155 Frederick I Barbarossa was crowned emperor of Rome.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the
American public.
--- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
If all the rich people in the world divided up their money
among themselves there wouldn't be enough to go around.
--- Christina Stead (1903 - 1983)
After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said
something that brought tears to my eyes.
He said, 'No hablo ingles.'
--- Ronnie Shakes
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Study finds surprising number of Americans think
chocolate milk comes from brown cows
According to a recent survey, seven percent of Americans
believe chocolate milk comes from brown cows.
The survey was conducted by the Innovation Center of US Dairy
in April. 1,000 adults 18 and over were asked questions about
the role milk plays in their daily lives, Food & Wine
reported.
The study found 48% of respondents weren't sure where
chocolate milk came from. Seven percent thought chocolate milk
only comes from brown cows.
That adds up to about 16.4 million people, more than the
population of Ohio.
The Washington Post linked the study to past studies that
consistently show many Americans have no idea where their food
comes from. For example, a study in the 1990s found that
nearly 20% of people did not know hamburgers are made from
beef.
___________
Noella checked various places, and the report seems to be
true.
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
A man hated to lose at golf and one day he was playing in a
foursome and his ball landed in a sand trap. Hidden from
view, the rest of the group could hear him as he hacked away
at the ball. When he finally drove it out, and rejoined the
group and one of them asked him how many strokes he took to
get the ball out of the sand trap.
The man said, "Three."
Another member of the group said, "Oh, come on! I heard six."
"Well, three of them were echoes."
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture.
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Randy Dewayne Vert,
29,
Pinson,
Alabama
Alabama man arrested after low-speed chase in stolen
flatbed truck after unable to get out of 1st gear
A Pinson man is behind bars after leading Jefferson County
sheriff's deputies on a low-speed chase in a stolen delivery
truck early Wednesday.
It all began just after 4:30 a.m. when deputies responded to
the 1200 block of Birchwood Street to investigate a report of
a suspicious vehicle sitting in the road with lights on and no
one around. They arrived and checked the car. It was not
stolen, said Chief Deputy Randy Christian.
While checking the car, a citizen informed them that a man had
just stolen a Kenworth T-300 flatbed delivery truck nearby.
Deputies spotted the truck as it turned on to Huffman Road and
attempted to stop the vehicle.
The driver later identified as 29-year-old Randy Dewayne Vert
refused to stop and continued driving south on Center Point
Parkway, Christian said. Vert was apparently unfamiliar with
the complexities of a manual transmission, he said, and was
unable to get the truck out of first gear.
The truck traveled at speeds of 25-30 mph on to I-59 south.
Deputies followed the truck along I-59 south to Bush Boulevard
where the transmission seized and the truck stopped. Vert was
removed from the truck the hard way and arrested.
He is charged with first-degree theft of property, reckless
endangerment, attempting to elude and resisting arrest. He was
booked into the Jefferson County jail shortly before 7 a.m.
and remains in lockup with bonds totaling $5,900.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Randall
Re: Custom icons
Dear Webby,
Hope you are in good health with your eyes, but i have a
question i know you can help me with, I hope. I have made
shortcuts on my desktop for my support groups but the short
cuts have the generic picture of Firefox on them. how can i
put the actual group picture in the short cut icon? or can
it be done at all? again love the jokes and pictures and the
help you give out daily....
thanks in advance for the help..
Randall
Dear Randall
You can make icons easily.
1) Get the pictures ready.
2) Size them to 64 x 64
3) Save them as .BMP, yes BMP. I know, it is a totally
obsolete format, but Microsoft wants to be backward compatible
all the way back to Windows 1. In those days we only had GIF
for low resolution, and BMP for high resolution, and JPG not
widely known during the years of development of Windows 1. On
8" by 8" Greenie monitors that was good enough.
Save it to an easily findable location.
4) close the picture after saving it, for example group1.BMP
5) Use the file explorer and rename the file to group1.ico
6) Right-click the FF icon for Group1, select Properties
7) Change icon is at the bottom, middle.
8) Browse to the icon you just made, select it, hit APPLY and
OK.
9) Don't forget to hit APPLY.
That's all there is to it. Do the same for all the other ones.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than
men, showed her a study which indicated that men use on
the average only 15,000 words a day, where as women use
30,000 words a day.
She thought about this for awhile and then told her husband
that women use twice as many words as men because they
have to repeat everything they say.
He said, "What?"
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Keeping Mice Out of Vehicles
By Jim B. [1 Post]
To keep mice away from your RV, spread Bounce laundry sheets
around the inside of your RV. I've done it for years and it
works great.
By Jim B. from Salina, KS
____________________________________________________
On Being a Dad
____________________________________________________
The new lieutenant was doing the muster.
"JACKSON?"
"Here!"
"KIBBEY?"
"Yo."
"STEPHENS?"
"Present, sir."
"SEEBACK?"
Nothing.
"SEEBACK?!"
Still nothing.
"DAMMIT, SEEBACK!"
As the division Chief I whispered into the Lieutenant's ear,
"Sir, turn the paper over."
___________________________________________________
I don't think I want one of these as a pet!
Todd and Jill went to a "Dude Ranch" while in Texas. The
cowboy preparing the horses asked if she wanted a Western or
English saddle, and she asked what the difference was.
He told her one had a horn and one didn't.
Jill replied, "The one without the horn is fine. I don't
expect we'll run into too much traffic out here."
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________
>From Kim
For a while my husband and I had opposite schedules.
He worked during the day, and I worked at night. One
morning I noticed he had left a note to himself on the
kitchen counter that read, "STAMPS!" As a helpful
surprise, I bought him some at the post office and
put them on the counter before going to work.
The next morning I found the same note. "STAMPS!" was
crossed out. Underneath it he had written,
s
Today, on June 18, in
1155 Frederick I Barbarossa was crowned emperor of Rome.
1429 French forces defeated the English at the battle of
Patay. The English had been retreating after the siege of
Orleans.
1621 The first duel in America took place in the Plymouth
Colony in Massachusetts.
1667 The Dutch fleet sailed up the Thames toward London.
1778 Britain evacuated Philadelphia during the U.S.
Revolutionary War.
1812 The War of 1812 began as the U.S. declared war against
Great Britain. The conflict began over trade restrictions.
1815 At the Battle of Waterloo Napoleon was defeated by an
international army under the Duke of Wellington. Napoleon
abdicated on June 22.
1817 London's Waterloo Bridge opened. The bridge, designed by
John Rennie, was built over the River Thames.
1861 The first American fly-casting tournament was held in
Utica, NY.
1863 J.J. Richardson received a patent for the ratchet wrench.
1873 Susan B. Anthony was fined $100 for attempting to vote
for a U.S. President.
1898 Atlantic City, NJ, opened its Steel Pier.
1915 During World War I, the second battle of Artois ended.
1918 Allied forces on the Western Front began their largest
counter-attack against the German army. (World War I)
1925 The first degree in landscape architecture was granted by
Harvard University.
1927 The U.S. Post Office offered a special 10-cent postage
stamp for sale. The stamp was of Charles Lindbergh's "Spirit
of St. Louis."
1928 Amelia Earhart became the first woman to fly across the
Atlantic Ocean as she completed a flight from Newfoundland to
Wales.
1942 The U.S. Navy commissioned its first black officer,
Harvard University medical student Bernard Whitfield Robinson.
1948 The United Nations Commission on Human Rights adopted its
International Declaration of Human Rights.
1951 General Vo Nguyen Giap ended his Red River Campaign
against the French in Indochina.
1953 Egypt was proclaimed to be a republic with General Neguib
as its first president.
1959 The first telecast received from England was broadcast in
the U.S. over NBC-TV.
1961 "Gunsmoke" was broadcast for the last time on CBS radio.
1966 Samuel Nabrit became the first African American to serve
on the Atomic Energy Commission.
1979 In Vienna, U.S. President Jimmy Carter and Leonid
Brezhnev signed the Strategic Arms Limitation Treaty (SALT) 2.
1983 Dr. Sally Ride became the first American woman in space
aboard the space shuttle Challenger.
1998 The Walt Disney Co. purchased a 43% stake in the Web
search engine company Infoseek Corp.
1998 "The Boston Globe" asked Patricia Smith to resign after
she admitted to inventing people and quotes in four of her
recent columns.
1999 Walt Disney's "Tarzan" opened.
2000 In Algiers, Algeria, the foreign ministers of Ethiopia
and Eritrea signed a preliminary cease-fire accord and agreed
to work toward a permanent settlement of their two-year border
war.
2009 NASA launched the Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter/LCROSS
probes to the Moon. It was the first American lunar mission
since Lunar Prospector in 1998.
2009 Greenland assumed control over its law enforcement,
judicial affairs, and natural resources from the Kingdom of
Denmark. Greenlandic became the official language.
2017 smiled.
Saturday, June 17, 2017, 07:38 AM Posted by Administrator
<B></B>
Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, June 17
Tomorrow is Father's Day!
Happy Fathers Day to all fathers out there!
<
Fathers Day in da hood
Have Fun!
Dearwebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman stole $93,000 from city
to help finance butt lift and shopping trips.
Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, June 17 in
0362 Emperor Julian issued an edict banning Christians
from teaching in Syria.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is
no distinctly American criminal class except Congress.
--- Mark Twain (1835 1910)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
A young army doctor was stationed at a remote
dispensary in the South Pacific.
One day he was puzzled about treatment for one of
his patients. He radioed a base hospital:
'Have case of beriberi. What shall I do?'
A prankster got hold of the message.
This was the reply:
'Give it to the Marines. They'll drink anything.'
__________
(Beriberi = symptoms of thiamine (vitamin B1) deficiency)
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
From 2005
BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Los Angeles
Major power disruption in Los Angeles
Los Angeles
Major power disruptions throughout the city of Los Angeles.
According to the L.A. Fire Department, tens of thousands of
people were trapped on escalators and at pedestrian
crossings.
White and black Americans view the power disaster in starkly
different ways, with more blacks viewing race as a factor in
problems with the federal response, according to a CNN/USA
Today/Gallup poll. More blacks than whites said they were
angry about the government's slow response to the problem,
and the blatant discrimination against blacks, non-smokers
and the poor. According to polls conducted by CNN and AOL,
President Bush is one target of their ire.
CNN expects the inevitable looting caused by the Bush
administrations failure to deal with the power disaster to
start by mid afternoon, and has booked extra advertising for
the evening broadcasts.
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture.
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
Reported by the Bausell Sailor and by Moe
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Natwaina Clark,
33,
Gainesville,
Florida
Florida woman stole $93,000 from city
to help finance butt lift and shopping trips.
What would you do for the booty?
A Florida woman has been charged with felony larceny and
felony scheme to defraud after she stole more than $93,000
from the city of Gainesville, according to the Gainesville
Sun.
Natwaina Clark, 33, used her city credit card 136 times for
unauthorized charges totaling roughly $61,000, her bosses'
cards for $31,000, and stole her coworker's card for nearly
$900. She used the money to fill up her PayPal account, buy a
large television, go on a food shopping spree at Sam's Club,
and get a Brazilian butt lift totaling $8,500, among other
miscellaneous purchases.
A former city staff specialist, Clark began improperly using
the cards in November of 2015 and continued until March of
this year. She was fired on March 21 and arrested a week
later on the 28th while vacationing on a cruise ship.
A Florida woman has been charged with felony larceny and
felony scheme to defraud after she stole more than $93,000
from the city of Gainesville, according to the Gainesville
Sun.
Natwaina Clark, 33, used her city credit card 136 times for
unauthorized charges totaling roughly $61,000, her bosses'
cards for $31,000, and stole her coworker's card for nearly
$900. She used the money to fill up her PayPal account, buy a
large television, go on a food shopping spree at Sam's Club,
and get a Brazilian butt lift totaling $8,500, among other
miscellaneous purchases.
A former city staff specialist, Clark began improperly using
the cards in November of 2015 and continued until March of
this year. She was fired on March 21 and arrested a week
later on the 28th while vacationing on a cruise ship.
What Is A Hosted Call Center Content Hub
Hosted call centers are growing in popularity thanks to the
diverse range of benefits that they offer companies of all
sizes.
Ad by Primus For Business
The city first noticed the charges after its parks, recreation
and cultural affairs department overspent its budget. Until
then, the department failed to properly review its expense
reports. The human-resources department also failed to alert
others about Clark's criminal history, which included arrests
for similar charges in a separate Florida county where she
still had an outstanding warrant.
All of this could have been avoided, according to an internal
report by the city, if human resources had done the necessary
background check for all new employees.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Maria
Re: Vacation hold
Dear Webby,
I was just wondering if there's way to put my humor letter
"on hold". Next week I'm going on a long vacation and as much
as I love reading the humor, I'm trying to minimise the amount
of e-mail waiting for my return, so other then unsubscribing
and then re-subscribing, do you have any suggestions? I'm not
very versed on computer applications so please be gentle.
Thanks!
Maria
Dear Maria
Unsubscribing definitely works, but there is a more elegant
solution. Simply make a mailbox and call it HUMOR, then make a
filter that filters everything with "Humor:" in the subject
line or that is from "humor@webby.com" into that mailbox
without cluttering up your IN box.
That way, if you do have extra time later, you can skim
through there and see what arrived while you were on vacation.
It will also build you a nice archive of jokes and goofy
pictures.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Thanks to Dianne for this story:
Boudreaux been fish'n down by de bayou all day and he
done run outa night crawlers. He be bout reddy to leave
when he seen a snake wif a big frog in his mouf. He
knowed dat dem big bass fish like dem frogs, so he
decided to steal dat froggie.
Dat snake, he be a cotton mouf water moccasin, so he
had to be real careful or he'd git bit. He snuk up behin'
dat snake and grabbed him roun de haid. Dat ole snake
din't lak dat one bit. He squirmed and wrap hisself roun
Boudreaux's arm try'n to git hisself free. But Boudreaux,
he had a real good grip on his haid, yeh.
Well, Boudreaux pried his mouf open and got de frog
and puts it in his bait can. Now, Boudreaux knows dat
he cain't let go dat snake or he's gonna bite him good,
but he had a plan.
He reach into de back pocket of his bibs and pulls out
a pint a dat moonshine likker. He pour some drops into
de snake's mouf. Well, dat snake's eyeballs kinda roll
back in his haid and his body go limp. Wit dat,
Boudreaux toss dat snake into de bayou.
Den he goes back to fishin. A while later Boudreaux
dun feel sumpin tappin on his barefoot toe. He slowly
look down and dare wuz dat water moccasin wif two
more frogs!
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
How to Roast a Cheap Cut of Beef
By Bobbie [166 Posts, 11 Comments]
I found this information very useful and have used it often to
prepare a chuck roast and also a round roast. Both cuts of
meat are on sale often here in Texas.
It doesn't matter how inexpensive the chuck or sirloin roast,
if it turns out so tough and flavorless that no one will eat
it, it was no bargain at all. But a bad experience doesn't
mean you should shy away from those thrifty cuts. It means you
need to learn how to prepare even the cheapest cuts of beef so
you can expect perfect results every time.
The three economy cuts of beef roast are chuck, sirloin and
round. The chuck is fattier and somewhat tender, while the
round is lean and relatively tough. The sirloin falls
somewhere in between.
While you can get away with buying cheap meat, you cannot
scrimp on the equipment: You'll need a meat thermometer and an
oven thermometer (evenIf you trust your oven's temperature
gauge) because exact temperatures are the key to the best
results. With what you'll save on your meat tab, you'll have
more than enough to invest in the thermometers (about $5
each).
The following steps are for chuck, sirloin and round cuts of
varying size, although 2 to 5 pound roasts are ideal and will
produce the best results.
Tie the roast with white cotton string at 1-1/2 inch
intervals. Tying the roast tightly makes it compact and shaped
evenly, promoting even roasting.
Season with salt and pepper and place the roast in a roasting
pan, uncovered.
Place the meat thermometer in the roast so the tip reaches the
center of the thickest part.
Set the oven thermometer inside the oven close to the pan.
Roast at 250 degrees F until the internal temperature of the
roast reaches 110 F.. Plan on approximately 25 minutes per
pound, but watch the thermometer, not the clock. It will vary
according to the shape and density of your roast and the
amount of fat.
Without removing the roast from the oven, increase the oven
temperature to 500 F until the internal temperature reaches
130 F (medium rare).
Remove the pan from the oven and allow the meat to rest for 20
minutes. The roast will be succulent, tender, juicy and more
flavorful than it would be if you had prepared it using any
other cooking method.
If you have sufficient roast left over (you'll need about 1
pound to prepare the following to serve six), you will find it
even better the second time around served as a wonderful Salad
of Cold Roast.
To 1 cup of purchased vinaigrette salad dressing, add a dollop
of Dijon-style mustard and mix well. Carve the beef into thin
slices. Place the slices on a large pie plate or platter, and
pour about 3/4 cup dressing over the beef, with a sprinkling
of thyme. Allow to marinate for several hours (if you have
time), basting several times.
Line a serving platter with lettuce leaves that have been
tossed with a spoonful or so of the vinaigrette. Mound 2 to 3
cups potato salad in the middle. Place the beef slices around
the potatoes, and decorate the platter with such items as
tomatoes, hard-boiled eggs, black olives, rings of red onions
and fresh parsley.
By Bobbie G from Rockwall, TX
____________________________________________________
voice activated elevator
____________________________________________________
>From Manin
Dear Webby:
How about this one...
He grabbed me by my slender neck
I could not yell or scream
He took me to his bedroom
Where we could not be seen
He tore aside my wrap
and gazed upon my form
I was cool and chilly
He was nice and warm
He pressed his feverish lips to mine
and drank my very life away
he made me what I am today...
AN EMPTY, BOTTLE OF BEER !!!!
Cheerio
Manin
___________________________________________________
What an amazing carving from a single tree!
A Sunday school teacher asked her students to draw a picture
of their favorite Old Testament bible story. As she moved
around the class, she saw many wonderful drawings being
created.
Then she came to Little Johnny, who had drawn a man
driving an old car. In the back seat were two passengers,
both scantily dressed. The teacher said,
"It's a lovely picture, Johnny, but which bible story does
it tell?"
Little Johnny seemed surprised at the question and said,
"Well, it says in the bible that God drove Adam and Eve
out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury. And THAT is a '59
Plymoth Fury just like grampa has on blocks in the weeds!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________
In a train carriage one day were two small boys and a
middle aged woman reading a book. The two small boys
were having a deep heated discussion on the subject of
spelling.
Its spelled ' W-W-W-W-O-O-O-O-M-M-M-M-B-B-B-B '"
"No its not. It's spelled
'W-W-W-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-B-B-B'"
The lady leans over and says "Excuse me, but I think you'll
find its spelled 'W-O-M-B'".
First little boy replies "Nah, that is you, but we are talking
about a hippopotamus farting underwater!"
Today, on June 17, in
0362 Emperor Julian issued an edict banning Christians from teaching in Syria.
1579 Sir Francis Drake claimed San Francisco Bay for England.
(California)
1775 The British took Bunker Hill outside of Boston.
1789 The Third Estate in France declared itself a national
assembly, and began to frame a constitution.
1799 Napoleon Bonaparte incorporated Italy into his empire.
1837 Charles Goodyear received his first patent. The patent
was for a process that made rubber easier to work with.
l1848 Austrian General Alfred Windischgratz crushed a Czech
uprising in Prague.
1854 The Red Turban revolt broke out in Guangdong, China.
1861 U.S. President Abraham Lincoln witnessed Dr. Thaddeus
Lowe demonstrate the use of a hydrogen balloon.
1872 George M. Hoover began selling whiskey in Dodge City,
Kansas. The town had been dry up until this point.
1876 General George Crook's command was attacked and defeated
on the Rosebud River by 1,500 Sioux and Cheyenne under the
leadership of Crazy Horse.
1879 Thomas Edison received an honorary degree of Doctor of
Philosophy from the trustees of Rutgers College in New
Brunswick, NJ.
1885 The Statue of Liberty arrived in New York City aboard the
French ship Isere.
1912 The German Zeppelin SZ 111 burned in its hangar in
Friedrichshafen.
1913 U.S. Marines set sail from San Diego to protect American
interests in Mexico.
1917 The Russian Duma met in a secret session in Petrograd and
voted for an immediate Russian offensive against the German
Army. (World War I)
1924 The Fascist militia marched into Rome.
1926 Spain threatened to quit the League of Nations if Germany
was allowed to join.
1928 Amelia Earhart began the flight that made her the first
woman to successfully fly across the Atlantic Ocean.
1930 The Smoot-Hawley Tariff Bill became law. It placed the
highest tariff on imports to the U.S.
1931 British authorities in China arrested Indochinese
Communist leader Ho Chi Minh.
1932 The U.S. Senate defeated the bonus bill as 10,000
veterans massed around the Capitol.
1940 The Soviet Union occupied Lithuania, Latvia, and Estonia.
1940 France asked Germany for terms of surrender in World War
II.
1941 WNBT-TV in New York City, NY, was granted the first
construction permit to operate a commercial TV station in the
U.S.
1942 Yank, a weekly magazine for the U.S. armed services,
began publication. The term "G.I. Joe" was first used in a
comic strip by Dave Breger.
1944 French troops landed on the island of Elba in the
Mediterranean.
1944 The republic of Iceland was established.
1950 Dr. Richard H. Lawler performed the first kidney
transplant in a 45-minute operation in Chicago, IL.
1953 Soviet tanks fought thousands of Berlin workers that were
rioting against the East German government.
1963 The U.S. Supreme Court banned the required reading of the
Lord's prayer and Bible in public schools.
1965 Twenty-seven B-52's hit Viet Cong outposts but lost two
planes in South Vietnam.
1970 North Vietnamese troops cut the last operating rail line
in Cambodia.
1985 Judy Norton-Taylor was photographed for "Playboy"
magazine.
1991 The Parliament of South Africa repealed the Population
Registration Act. The act had required that all South Africans
for classified by race at birth.
2017 smiled.
Friday, June 16, 2017, 10:26 AM Posted by Administrator
<B></B>
Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, June 16
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
>From Patricia
I am always so glad when you get back from Calgary. I miss
the Newsletter when you are gone. The jokes are so funny and
the history lesson makes me get some eduketen. Â Â I hope
that one day you will no longer need to have those shots in
your eyeballs.
There are sure some idiotic people in this world and some very
cruel. This planet is such a beautiful place, but spoiled by
the humans who were created to care for it. Please stay well
and keep on giving us news and funnies.
Your friend in Alabama, U.S.A
Patricia
Dear Patricia
My next injections are July 6
Have Fun!
Dearwebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Husband who robbed bank to escape wife
is sentenced to home confinement
Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, June 16 in
0455 Rome was sacked by the Vandal army.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
--- Steven Wright (1955 - )
Putin offered Comey and Hillary political asylum.
What does he know, that CNN is not telling us?
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Whenever my aunt went to the doctor, she would complain to
me about the long delay she always endured. One day, when
my aunt's name was finally called, she was asked to step on
the scale. "I need to get your weight today," said the nurse.
Without a moment's hesitation, my aunt replied loudly and
forcefully: "One hour and 45 minutes!"
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
While making rounds, a doctor points out an X-ray to a
group of medical students. "As you can see," she says,
"the patient limps because his left fibula and tibia are
radically arched. Michael, what would you do in a case
like this?"
"Well," ponders the student, "I suppose I'd probably
limp too."
______________________________________________________
Thanks to dad for this picture.
Echinopsis, the tall night-bloomer,
just closing as the sun comes up.
Tomorrow I'll show you one from Lillemor,
that is even whiter.
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
Reported by Moe
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Lawrence John Ripple,
71,
Kansas City,
Kansas
Husband who robbed bank to escape wife
is sentenced to home confinement
A 70-year-old man charged with robbing a Kansas City, Kan.,
bank said he did it because he preferred a jail cell over
living with his wife.
Lawrence John Ripple is charged in federal court with the
Friday afternoon robbery of the Bank of Labor at 756 Minnesota
Ave.
According to court documents, Ripple handed a teller a note
that read, “I have a gun, give me money.”
The teller complied.
But instead of fleeing, Ripple took the money and then took a
seat in the bank lobby, according to the documents.
When a bank security guard approached him, Ripple told the
guard, “I’m the guy you’re looking for.”
The guard took the money from Ripple and held him until police
arrived, which wasn’t long, because Kansas City, Kan., police
headquarters is on the same block.
When he was questioned later by investigators, Ripple told him
that he and his wife had argued and he “no longer wanted to be
in that situation,” according to the documents.
“Ripple wrote out his demand note in front of his wife … and
told her he’d rather be in jail than at home,” an FBI agent
wrote in the affidavit filed in support of the robbery charge.
A remorseful 71-year-old man who robbed a Kansas City, Kan.,
bank last September and told police he hoped to land in prison
to escape his wife told a federal judge Tuesday that heart
surgery had left him depressed and unlike himself when he
committed the crime.
Though Lawrence John Ripple pleaded guilty to bank robbery in
January and could have spent up to 37 months in prison, his
attorney and federal prosecutors asked a U.S. District Court
judge for leniency. That request was supported by the vice
president of the bank and the teller whom Ripple frightened,
said Assistant U.S. Attorney Sheri Catania.
U.S. District Court Judge Carlos Murguia sentenced Ripple on
Tuesday to six months of home confinement after public
defender Chekasha Ramsey and Catania cited Ripple’s health
issues, remorse and unlikeliness to reoffend.
Ripple will also serve three years of supervised probation,
including 50 hours of community service. He was ordered to pay
$227.27 to the bank he robbed — the amount representing the
billable hours for bank employees who were sent home on the
day of robbery — and $100 to a crime victims fund.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Rick
Re: Second Hard Drive
Dear Webby,
I need a second hard drive for my machine. Does it have
to be the same old FAT format as the old drive, or can
I use NTFS ?
Thanks
Rick
Dear Rick
Stick the new drive into a USB external drive box.
It will take care of any mix and match concerns. Then just
plug the cable from the box into any free USB port.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office.
"Boss," he says, "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning
at my mother-in-law's home tomorrow, and my wife needs
me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and
hauling stuff."
"We're short-handed, Smith," the boss replies. "I can't
give you the day off."
"Thanks, boss," says Smith, "I knew I could count on you!"
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Japanese Style Fried Chicken (Karaage)
A man and his dog were walking along a road.
The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly
occurred to him that he was dead.
He remembered dying, and that the dog walking
beside him had been dead for years. He wondered
where the road was leading them.
After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall
along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble.
At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch
that glowed in the sunlight.
When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent
gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the
street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and
the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer,
he saw a man at a desk to one side.
When he was close enough, he called out,
"Excuse me, where are we?"
"This is Heaven, sir," the man answered.
"Wow! Would you happen to have some water?"
the man asked.
"Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice
water brought right up."
The man gestured, and the gate began to open.
"Can my friend," gesturing toward his dog, "come in, too?"
the traveler asked.
"I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets."
The man thought a moment and then turned back toward
the road and continued the way he had been going with his
dog.
After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill,
he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked
as if it had never been closed.. There was no fence.
As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning
against a tree and reading a book.
"Excuse me!" he called to the man. "Do you have any water?"
"Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in."
"How about my friend here?" the traveler gestured to the dog.
"There should be a bowl by the pump."
They went through the gate, and! sure enough, there was an
old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it.
The traveler filled the water bowl and took a long drink
himself, then he gave some to the dog.
When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the
man who was standing by the tree.
"What do you call this place?" the traveler asked.
"This is Heaven," he answered.
"Well, that's confusing," the traveler said. "The man down the
road said that was Heaven, too."
"Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates?
Nope. That's hell."
"Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?"
"No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks who would
leave their best friends behind."
____________________________________________________
Greetings From Joe Cocker
____________________________________________________
A woman goes to the local psychic in hopes of contacting
her dearly departed grandmother. Shortly after the psychic
stashed her rather exorbitant fee, her eyelids begin
fluttering, her voice begins warbling, her hands
float up above the table, and she begins moaning.
Eventually, a coherent voice emanates, saying,
"Granddaughter? Are you there?"
The customer, wide-eyed and on the edge of her seat,
responds, "Grandmother? Is that you?"
"Yes granddaughter, it's me."
"It's really, really you, grandmother?", the woman
repeats.
"Yes, it's really me, granddaughter."
The woman looks puzzled, "You're sure it's you,
grandmother?"
"Yes, granddaughter, I'm sure it's me."
The woman pauses a moment, "Grandmother, I have just
one question for you."
"Anything, my child."
"Grandmother, when did you learn to speak English?"
___________________________________________________
People are awesome-2017.
A honeymoon couple is in the Watergate Hotel in Washington.
The bride is concerned "What if the place is still bugged?"
The groom says, "I'll look for a bug."He looks behind the
drapes, behind the pictures, under the rug "AHA!" Under the
rug was a disc with four screws. He gets his Swiss army
knife, unscrews the screws, throws them and the disc out
the window.
The next morning, the hotel manager asks the newlyweds
"How was your room? How was the service? How was your
stay at the Watergate Hotel?"
The groom says, "Why are you asking me all of these
questions?"
The hotel manager says, "Well, the room under you
complained about the chandelier falling on them!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________
Two girls were discussing pranks they had played on people
in the past while waiting for a bus. After they boarded a
crowded bus and one of them whispered to the other, "Watch
me embarrass a man into giving me his seat."Pushing her
way through the crowd, she turned all her charms upon a
gentleman who looked like he might embarrass easily.
"My dear Mr. Wilson," she gushed, "fancy meeting you on
the bus. Am I glad to see you. Why, you're almost a
stranger. My, but I'm tired."
The sedate gentleman looked up at the girl. He had never
seen her before, but he rose and said pleasantly, but by
no means quietly:
"Sit down, Mary, my girl. It isn't often I see you on washday.
No wonder you're tired. Being pregnant probably isn't easy.
By the way, don't deliver the wash until Thursday. My wife is
going to the District Attorney's office to see whether
she can post bail to get your boyfriend out of jail for a
while."
Today, on June 16, in
0455 Rome was sacked by the Vandal army.
1487 The War of the Roses ended with the Battle of Stoke.
1567 Mary, Queen of Scots, was imprisoned in Lochleven Castle
in Scotland.
1815 Napoleon defeated the Prussians at the Battle of Ligny,
Netherlands.
1858 In a speech in Springfield, IL, U.S. Senate candidate
Abraham Lincoln said the slavery issue had to be resolved. He
declared, "A house divided against itself cannot stand."
1884 At Coney Island, in Brooklyn, NY, the first America
roller coaster opened.
1897 The U.S. government signed a treaty of annexation with
Hawaii.
1903 Ford Motor Company was incorporated.
1907 The Russian czar dissolved the Duma in St. Petersburg.
1909 Glenn Hammond Curtiss sold his first airplane, the "Gold
Bug" to the New York Aeronautical Society for $5,000.
1922 Henry Berliner accomplished the first American helicopter
flight at College Park, MD.
1925 France accepted a German proposal for a security pact.
1932 The ban on Nazi storm troopers was lifted by the von
Papen government in Germany.
1940 Marshal Henri-Philippe Petain became the prime minister
of the Vichy government of occupied France.
1941 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt ordered the closure
of all German consulates in the United States. The deadline
was set as July 10.
1955 The U.S. House of Representatives voted to extend
Selective Service until 1959.
1955 Pope Pius XII excommunicated Argentine President Juan
Peron. The ban was lifted eight years later.
1955 Argentine naval officers launched an attack on President
Juan Peron's headquarters. The revolt was suppressed by the
army.
1961 Rudolf Nureyev defected from the Soviet Union while in
Paris, traveling with the Leningrad Kirov Ballet.
1963 26-year-old Valentina Tereshkova went into orbit aboard
the Vostok 6 spacecraft for three days. She was the first
female space traveler.
1972 Ulrike Meinhof was captured by West German police in
Hanover. She was co-founder of the Baader-Meinhof terrorist
group and the Red Army Faction (Rote Armee Fraktion).
1975 The Simonstown agreement on naval cooperation between
Britain and South Africa ended. The agreement was formally
ended by mutual agreement after 169 years.
1976 In Soweto, thousands of school children revolted against
the South African government's plan to enforce Afrikaans as
the language for instructions in black schools.
1977 Leonid Brezhnev was named the first Soviet president of
the USSR. He was the first person to hold the post of
president and Communist Party General Secretary. He replaced
Nikolai Podgorny.
1978 U.S. President Carter and Panamanian leader Omar Torrijos
ratified the Panama Canal treaties.
1978 The film adaptation of "Grease" premiered in New York
City.
1980 The movie "The Blues Brothers" opened in Chicago, IL.
1981 The "Chicago Tribune" purchased the Chicago Cubs baseball
team from the P.K. Wrigley Chewing Gum Company for $20.5
million.
1983 Yuri Andropov was elected chairman of the Presidium of
the Supreme Soviet. The position was the equivalent of
president.
1984 Wilson Ferreira Aldunate was arrested upon his return
from an eleven year exile. Aldunate had been a popular
Uruguayan opposition leader.
1992 U.S. President George H.W. Bush welcomed Russian
President Boris Yeltsin to a meeting in Washington, DC. The
two agreed in principle to reduce strategic weapon arsenals by
about two-thirds by the year 2003.
1996 Russian voters had their first independent presidential
election. Boris Yeltsin was the winner after a run-off.
1999 The U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals said that a 1992
federal music piracy law does not prohibit a palm-sized device
that can download high-quality digital music files from the
Internet and play them at home.
2000 U.S. federal regulators approved the merger of Bell
Atlantic and GTE Corp. The merger created the nation's largest
local phone company.
2000 U.S. Secretary of Energy Bill Richardson reported that an
employee at the Los Alamos National Laboratory in New Mexico
had discovered that two computer hard drives were missing.
2008 California began issuing marriage licenses to same-sex
couples.
2017 smiled.
Thursday, June 15, 2017, 10:47 AM Posted by Administrator
<B></B>
Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, June 15
Have Fun!
Dearwebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Wyoming college student caught shoplifting from
Walmart said she was studying kleptomania
Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, June 15 in
1381 The English peasant revolt was crushed in London.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Everything that irritates us about others can lead
us to an understanding of ourselves.
--- Carl Jung (1875 - 1961)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Two groups of scouts go on a double decker bus for a
weekend trip to Atlantic City. One group is all girl scouts
and the other is all boy scouts.
Once upon the bus, the boy scouts head upstairs and the
girl scouts hang out on the bottom level.
The girl scouts group has a ball. They're whooping it up and
having a great time when one of them realizes she doesn't
hear anything from the boys upstairs. She decides to go
and check on them.
When she gets up to the top deck, she finds all of the boys
frozen in fear, staring straight ahead, each clutching the
seat in front of them.
"Whoa, whoa -- what's going on here? We're having a GREAT
time downstairs!"
One of the boys replies through chattering, frightened teeth,
"Yeah, but you girls have a driver!"
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
>From Bonnie:
During a visit to a military medical clinic, I was
sent to the lab to have blood drawn. The technician
there was friendly and mentioned that his mood
improved every day because he was due to leave
the service in two months.
As he applied the tourniquet on my arm, he told
me that taking the blood wouldn't hurt much.
Then, noticing my Air Force T-shirt he asked
me what my husband did.
When I replied that he was a recruiter, the
technician smiled slyly and said, "This might
hurt a little more than I thought."
______________________________________________________
Thanks to dad for this picture.
This one bloomed today
Tomorrow I'll have a picture of his Echinopsis,
the tall night-bloomer.
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
Reported by Moe
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Lydia Marie Cormaney,
23,
Gillette,
Wyoming
Wyoming college student caught shoplifting from
Walmart said she was studying kleptomania
A Wyoming college student who told officers she was working on
a term paper on kleptomania after she was caught shoplifting
faces three felony charges.
The Gillette News Record reports 23-year-old Lydia Marie
Cormaney was arrested on June 5 after trying to leave Walmart
with nearly $1,900 worth of merchandise.
Court records say investigators later found thousands of
dollars' worth of stolen items in her dorm room at Gillette
College. Cormaney told officers she began shoplifting after
being forced to move into a new dorm room, away from her
roommate who had many of the household items.
She said she was caught once when she tried to leave Walmart
with three flat-screen televisions.
Cormaney made an initial court appearance on June 8 and did
not enter a plea. A preliminary hearing is set for Wednesday.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Randall
Re: Stuttering video
Dear Webby,
Hope your eyes are doing better these days. I just got a new
computer about a month ago and since that day when i try to
play a video, it plays for about 10 or 15 seconds and then it
seems to start clocking and then it starts again and about a
minute later it does the same thing. i have tried to change
the setup for the video but to no avail....i just don't
understand. could it be the speed of my internet connection
doing this? any assistance will be greatly appreciated.
Randall
Dear Randall
Yes, that is the speed of your connection.
There is nothing you can do on your side.
You can try stuttering it through once, then playing it again
and hope your computer cached it all and is then playing it
from the cache.
Forget streaming video like online cooking courses or sermons.
The stuttering will ruin them.
Consider upgrading your connection to DSL, if you can.
If you have neighbors close by, you can set up a wifi and sell
them a share for half of your connection cost.
They won't get into your computer, but will be able to use
your DSL as if they were a family member in the next room.
Unless they have kids, who download huge movies, you won't
notice any slowdown.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
A man from Edinburgh wrote to an English editor, "If you
don't stop printing those derogatory Scottish jokes, most
of which imply we're cheap, I'm going to quit stealing
your stupid magazine."
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Japanese Style Fried Chicken (Karaage)
By attosa [334 Posts, 1,543 Comments]
Karaage (pronounced kara-ah-geh) is a super yummy Japanese
style fried chicken. It has always been my favourite as far as
fried foods. You can have them as an appetizer, but we eat
them as one of many little dishes when we make Japanese food.
It's delightful with a squeeze of lemon and superfine powdered
salt.
Total Time: 30 minutes
Ingredients:
1 lb boneless skinless chicken thighs cut into 1 inch chunks
2 Tbsp soy sauce
2 tsp grated fresh ginger
2 Tbsp Mirin or Japanese sake (or any rice wine or dry sherry)
1/4 cup corn or potato starch
1/4 cup all purpose flour
oil for frying
lemon wedges
Steps:
In a plastic bag or in a bowl, add chicken, soy sauce, and
ginger and toss until chicken is thoroughly coated in
marinade. Refrigerate for at least 30 minutes and up to 8
hours.
Heat oil in a large pot or wok over high heat until it reaches
350F. Whisk cornstarch and flour in a bowl. Add cornstarch and
flour mixture to chicken pieces until well coated.
Carefully add chicken to oil one at a time, making sure not to
crowd the pot. Cook in batches, stirring occasionally, for 5
to 7 minutes each batch. Drain on a paper towel.
Serve immediately, garnished with lemon slices and a side of
powdered salt. Enjoy!
Keep a metal lid handy while the oil is heating, and don't go
checking your email in the meantime.
Oil fires are harmless if you have a metal lid to put onto the
pot, but will destroy your home if you try to use water to put
the fire out.
Just put the metal lid on the pot, turn off the burner and
with electrical stoves, move the pot to a cool area of the
stove top. Then go outside for five minutes. Everything will
be fine.
Any other method to deal with oil fires is stupid and often
suicidal.
Keep a metal lid handy when using oil for deep frying!
I don't want to lose subscribers!
Here you can see a brave firefighter demonstrating what
happens with different methods of dealing with an
oil fire.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
____________________________________________________
Dances with Deer
____________________________________________________
>From Liz:
My husband is wonderful with our baby daughter, but often
he turns to me for advice. Recently, I was in the shower
when he poked his head in to ask, "What should I feed Lily
for lunch?"
"That's up to you," I replied. "There's all kinds of food.
Why don't you pretend I'm not at home?"
A few minutes later, my cell phone rang. I answered it to
hear my husband asking, "Yeah, hi, Honey. Uh...what should
I feed Lily for lunch?"
___________________________________________________
A town where the dead outnumber the living.
>From Linda
While I was shopping in the mall with my three children, a
display in the window of a lingerie store caught my eye.
"Do you think Daddy would like this?" I asked the kids,
as I pointed to the lacy pyjamas with matching robe.
"No way," my horrified six-year-old son replied.
"Daddy would never wear that!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________
Two little boys in first grade were chosen to be the
leads in their first school play. It was to be a
Shakespearean play. The first boy was to say "My fair
maiden... I have come to snatch a kiss and fill your
soul with hope."
The second little boy was to reply by saying, "Hark,
a pistol shot."
Well, on opening night in the school auditorium, the
two little boys were a bit nervous, knowing that all
the seats were going to be filled with grown ups.
The teacher told them to take their places on the
stage and to remember to speak very loud as soon
as the curtain goes up.
The curtain rose and looking out upon the audience
the two boys were terrified. They stood there staring
out at the audience, frozen. So the teacher whispered
for them to begin. The first boy yelled out these
unforgettable words:
"My fair maiden... I have come to kiss your snatch!!
And fill your hole with soap."
The second boy yelled..."Hark! A shistol pot!
A postle shidd! A shiddle pot!"
He turned and while fleeing the stage screamed:
"AAAAARGH!
I never wanted to be in this stupid play anyway!."
The audience was howling.
Today, on June 15, in
1215 King John of England put his seal on the Magna Carta.
1381 The English peasant revolt was crushed in London.
1389 Ottoman Turks crushed Serbia in the Battle of Kosovo.
1607 Colonists in North America completed James Fort in
Jamestown, VA.
1667 Jean-Baptiste Denys administered the first fully-
documented human blood transfusion. He successfully transfused
the blood of a sheep to a 15-year old boy.
1752 Benjamin Franklin experimented by flying a kite during a
thunderstorm. The result was a little spark that showed the
relationship between lightning and electricity.
1775 George Washington was appointed head of the Continental
Army by the Second Continental Congress.
1844 Charles Goodyear was granted a patent for the process
that strengthens rubber.
1846 The United States and Britain settled a boundary dispute
concerning the boundary between the U.S. and Canada, by
signing a treaty.
1864 An order to establish a military burial ground was signed
by Secretary of War Edwin M. Stanton. The location later
became known as Arlington National Cemetery.
1866 Prussia attacked Austria.
1877 Henry O. Flipper became the first African American to
graduate from the U.S. Military Academy at West Point.
1898 The U.S. House of representatives approved the annexation
of Hawaii.
1909 Benjamin Shibe patented the cork center baseball.
1911 The Computing-Tabulating-Recording Co. was incorporated
in the state of New York. The company was later renamed
International Business Machines (IBM) Corp.
1917 Great Britain pledged the release of all the Irish
captured during the Easter Rebellion of 1916.
1919 Captain John Alcock and Lt. Arthur W. Brown won $50,000
for successfully completing the first, non-stop trans-Atlantic
plane flight.
1938 Johnny Vandemeer (Cincinnati Reds) pitched his second
straight no-hitter.
1940 The French fortress of Verdun was captured by Germans.
1944 American forces began their successful invasion of Saipan
during World War II.
1947 The All-Indian Congress accepted a British plan for the
partition of India.
1948 Soviet authorities announced that the Autobahn would be
closed indefinitely "for repairs", cutting off Berlin.
1958 Greece severed military ties to Turkey because of the
Cypress issue.
1964 The last French troops left Algeria.
1978 King Hussein of Jordan married 26-year-old American Lisa
Halaby, who became Queen Noor.
1981 The U.S. agreed to provide Pakistan with $3 billion in
military and economic aid from October 1982 to October 1987.
1982 In the capital city of Stanley, the Falklands war ended
as Argentine troops surrendered to the British.
1983 The U.S. Supreme Court reinforced its position on
abortion by striking down state and local restriction on
abortions.
1986 Pravda, the Communist Party newspaper, reported that the
chief engineer of the Chernobyl nuclear plant was dismissed
for mishandling the incident at the plant.
1992 It was ruled by the U.S. Supreme Court that the
government could kidnap criminal suspects from foreign
countries for prosecution.
1992 U.S. Vice President Dan Quayle instructed a student to
spell "potato" with an "e" on the end during a spelling bee.
He had relied on a faulty flash card that had been written by
the student's teacher.
1994 Israel and the Vatican established full diplomatic
relations.
1999 South Korean naval forces sank a North Korean torpedo
boat during an exchange in the disputed Yellow Sea.
2017 smiled.
Wednesday, June 14, 2017, 08:25 AM Posted by Administrator
<B></B>
Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, June 14
Have Fun!
Dearwebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Minnesota Father arrested for rubbing hot sauce
into eyes of 2-month-old child.
Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, June 14 in
1789 Captain William Bligh of the HMS Bounty arrived
in Timor in a small boat.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
I am extraordinarily patient,
provided I get my own way in the end.
--- Margaret Thatcher (1925 - )
To succeed, jump as quickly at opportunities
as you do at conclusions.
--- Benjamin Franklin
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
There is a story about a new clerk in a supermarket.
A customer asked him if she could buy half a grapefruit.
Not knowing what to do, he excused himself to ask the
manager.
"Some nut out there wants to buy half a grapefruit..."
he began, and, suddenly realizing that the customer
had entered the office behind him, continued, "
... and this lovely lady would like to buy the other half."
The manager was impressed with the way the clerk
amicably resolved the problem and they later started
chatting. "Where are you from?" asked the store manager.
"Fessairton, Pennsylvania," replied the clerk, "home of
ugly women and great hockey teams."
"Oh, my WIFE is from Fessairton," challenged the manager.
Without skipping a beat, the clerk asked,
"What team was she on?"
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
A man in a hurry taking his 8-year-old son to school, made
a turn at a red light where it was prohibited.
"Uh-oh, I think I just made an illegal turn!" the man said.
"It's okay, Dad" the boy said. "The police car right behind
us did the same thing."
______________________________________________________
Alaska is polluting!
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
Reported by the Bausell Sailor
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Shawn Michael Foltz,
31,
Moorhead,
Minnesota
Minnesota Father arrested for rubbing hot sauce
into eyes of 2-month-old child.
A Minnesota man is accused of abusing his 2-month-old
daughter, including rubbing hot sauce and cayenne pepper in
her eyes and blocking her airway until she turned blue, the
Duluth News Tribune reports.
Shawn Michael Foltz, 31, of Moorhead, was charged Friday with
neglect of a child, malicious punishment of a child and two
counts of third-degree assault.
A criminal complaint obtained by the newspaper alleges Foltz
also snapped his daughter with a towel, burned her with hot
water and threw fireworks in her face.
The abuse happened from about April 10 until May 30, according
to the complaint.
Authorities learned of the abuse after the child's mother
brought her to the hospital with visible injuries.
When interviewed by police, Foltz admitted to some of the
abuse, the newspaper reports, and also said he would think
about ways to harm the baby while he was at work.
Foltz is being held under a $100,000 bond.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Olga
Re: Dialect site
Dear Webby,
You had a link once for a site, that turned everything
into a goofy dialect. Does that site still exist?
Olga
Dear Olga
It sure does!
Dialectizerhttp://rinkworks.com/dialect/
Have FUN!
DearWebby
A genie gave three physicians one wish each.
The first physician said, "I'm already the smartest
pediatrician in the world, but I'd like to be 25% smarter."
Poof! The pediatrician became 25% smarter.
The second physician said, "I'm already the smartest
neurologist in the world, but I'd like to be 50% smarter."
Poof! The genie made the neurologist 50% smarter.
The third physician told the genie, "I'm not only the
smartest surgeon in the world, but I'm also the smartest
doctor. But, just to be sure, I'd like you to make me
100% smarter."
"This is the third and final wish," the genie said.
"If I fulfill your wish, I can't change you back."
"Just make me 100% smarter," the surgeon demanded.
"Okay," said the genie. Poof! "You're a nurse practitioner!!"
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Steamed Fiddleheads
By l_rambou [13 Posts, 2 Comments]
Fiddleheads are a fern that are harvested as a vegetable. They
are full of vitamin A and C as well as a good source of fibre
and omega 3 fatty acids. They are a spring time vegetable that
taste very similar to asparagus. I am steaming these but
fiddleheads can also be used in soup, salad and pastas.
They are usually available fresh at the local markets or they
can be found in the frozen food section in most grocery
stores. You can also harvest your own. They grow along the
river edge in some areas.
Prep Time: 10 minutes
Cook Time: 20 minutes
Total Time: 30 minutes
Yield: 3-4
Ingredients:
1 lb fresh fiddleheads
6 - 8 cups water
salt and pepper
lemon
butter
Steps:
Cut of the ends off of fiddleheads. Rinse well under cold
water.
Put fiddleheads in colander, and place over a pot of water.
Cover and bring the water to a boil.
Steam the fiddleheads for 20 minutes or until they are cooked
to your liking.
Add butter, salt and pepper and a squirt of lemon juice if you
wish. Serve immediately.
Steamed Fiddleheads and tiny potatoes make a
nice side dish beside fish on a canoe trip.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
____________________________________________________
Mexican Cheese Mattress -
from my sister
____________________________________________________
"Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and
it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until
they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with."
***
"Women are like fine wine. They all start out fresh, fruity
and intoxicating to the mind and then turn full-bodied with
age until they go all sour and vinegary and give you a head-
ache."
___________________________________________________
Stunning Portraits from the 2017 Nat Geo Travel Photographer of the Year Contest
>From Bob
The other night, my wife and I were going out for dinner.
She put on eyebrow pencil, eye shadow, eyeliner, eyelashes,
mascara, toner, blush and lipstick; adjusted the padding,
tension, lift and bounce of her bra, then turned to me and
asked, "Does this look natural?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________
Dear Webby-
My wife and I can't agree on our vacation.
-I want to go to the Bahamas,
and she wants to go with me!!!
Bill C
Today, on June 14, in
1775 The Continental Army was founded by the Second
Continental Congress for purposes of common defense. This
event is considered to be the birth of the United States Army.
On June 15, George Washington was appointed commander-in-
chief.
1789 Captain William Bligh of the HMS Bounty arrived in Timor
in a small boat.
1834 Cyrus Hall McCormick received a patent for his reaping
machine.
1834 Isaac Fischer Jr. patented sandpaper.
1841 The first Canadian parliament opened in Kingston.
1846 A group of U.S. settlers in Sonoma proclaimed the
Republic of California.
1900 Hawaii became a U.S. territory.
1907 Women in Norway won the right to vote.
1917 General John Pershing arrived in Paris during World War
I.
1919 The first non-stop trans-Atlantic flight began. Captain
John Alcot and Lt. Arthur Brown flew from Newfoundland to
Ireland.
1927 Nicaraguan President Adolfo Diaz signed a treaty with the
U.S. allowing American intervention in his country.
1940 The Nazis opened their concentration camp at Auschwitz in
German-occupied Poland.
1940 German troops entered Paris. As Paris became occupied
loud speakers announced the implementation of a curfew being
imposed for 8 p.m.
1943 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that schoolchildren could
not be made to salute the U.S. flag if doing so conflicted
with their religious beliefs.
1944 Sixty U.S. B-29 Superfortress' attacked an iron and steel
works factory on Honshu Island.
1945 Burma was liberated by Britain.
1949 The state of Vietnam was formed.
1951 "Univac I" was unveiled. It was a computer designed for
the U.S. Census Bureau and billed as the world's first
commercial computer.
1952 The Nautilus was dedicated. It was the first nuclear
powered submarine.
1954 U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower signed an order
adding the words "under God" to the Pledge of Allegiance.
1954 Americans took part in the first nation-wide civil
defense test against atomic attack.
1965 A military triumvirate took control in Saigon, South
Vietnam.
1967 Mariner 5 was launched from Cape Kennedy, FL. The space
probe's flight took it past Venus.
1982 Argentine forces surrendered to British troops on the
Falkland Islands.
1989 Former U.S. President Reagan received an honorary
knighthood from Britain's Queen Elizabeth II.
1990 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld police checkpoints that are
used to examine drivers for signs of intoxication.
1994 The New York Rangers won the Stanley Cup by defeating the
Vancouver Canucks. It was the first time the Rangers had won
the cup in 54 years.
2017 smiled.
Tuesday, June 13, 2017, 07:17 AM Posted by Administrator
<B></B>
Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, June 13
Have Fun!
Dearwebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Texas toddlers die after teenage mom intentionally
left them in car for 15 hours
Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, June 13 in
1920 The U.S. Post Office Department ruled that children
may not be sent by parcel post.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
In journalism, there has always been a tension between getting
it first and getting it right.
--- Ellen Goodman (1941 - )
"A slender acquaintance with the world must convince
every man that actions, not words, are the true criterion
of the attachment of friends."
--- George Washington
------------------
Women, however, need words and chocolate in
addition to mere actions.
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Jacob (87) and Rebecca (82) are all excited about their
decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the
wedding and on the way go past a super drugstore. Jacob
suggests that they go in.
Jacob addresses the man behind the counter:
"Are you the owner?"
The pharmacist answers "Yes".
Jacob: "Do you sell heart medication?"
Pharmacist: "Of course we do."
Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"
Pharmacist: "All kinds."
Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?"
Pharmacist: "Definitely."
Jacob: "How about Viagra?"
Pharmacist: "Of course."
Jacob: "Medicine for memory?"
Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety."
Jacob: "What about vitamins, constipation, and sleeping
pills?"
Pharmacist: "Absolutely."
Jacob turns to Rebecca: "Sweetheart, we might as
well register our wedding gift list with them."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
How To Interpret Employment Ads
"Join Our Fast Paced Company" - We have no time to train you.
"Casual Work Atmosphere" - We don't pay enough to expect
that you will dress up.
"Must be Deadline Oriented" - You will be six months behind
schedule on your first day.
"Some Overtime Required" - Some time each night,
some time each weekend.
"Duties will Vary" - Anyone in the office can boss you around.
"Seeking Candidates with a Wide Variety of Experience" -
You will need to replace three people who just left.
"Problem Solving Skills a Must" - You are walking into a
company in perpetual chaos. Haven't heard a word from
anyone out there. Your first task is to find out what is
going on.
"Requires Team Leadership Skills" - You will have the
responsibilities of a manager without the pay or respect.
"Good Communication Skills" - Management communicates
poorly, so you have to figure out what they want and do it.
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Amanda Hawkins,
19,
Kerrsville,
Texas
Texas toddlers die after teenage mom intentionally
left them in car for 15 hours
Two toddlers are dead after authorities in Texas say their
mother intentionally left them inside of a car for more than
15 hours as she hung out with friends on Tuesday night.
Amanda Hawkins, 19, was arrested on two counts of abandoning
or endangering a child following the tragedy involving her
young daughters, the Kerr County Sheriff’s Office announced
Friday.
Sisters Brynn Hawkins, 1, and Addyson Overgard-Eddy, 2, were
initially described as in “grave” condition after taken to a
hospital in Kerrsville by their mother and a 16-year-old boy
on Wednesday. There, their mother told hospital staff that the
girls collapsed after smelling flowers at a lake, Sheriff W.R.
“Rusty” Hierholzer said in a release.
“They thought maybe they got into something poisonous,”
Hierholzer recalled the mom’s story to Fox San Antonio.
He said the story, however, quickly started to fall apart.
An investigation by the police and child protective services
found that Hawkins had intentionally left the girls overnight
in her car while at a friend’s. Around noon the next day she
found them unresponsive in the car, Hierholzer said.
“Some of the witnesses said that they could hear the kids
crying outside and told her to bring them in but she didn’t
want to,” he told KENS 5.
Instead of immediately seeking help, Hierholzer said the mom
bathed them and redressed them. She allegedly told authorities
that she didn’t want to take them to the hospital “because she
didn’t want to get into trouble.” According to Fox San
Antonio, someone talked her into taking them to a hospital.
Around 5 p.m. the next day, they were taken off ventilator
systems and died, Fox San Antonio reported. An autopsies of
the bodies are currently underway.
“This is by far the most horrific case of child endangerment
that I have seen in the 37 years that I have been in law
enforcement,” Hierholzer said in his statement.
Hierholzer said charges against the girls’ mother may be
upgraded because of their deaths. It will be up to a grand
jury to decide. The 16-year-old boy may also face charges.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Rhonda
Re: Psychics on the net
Dear Webby,
I have often wondered how those psychics that offer their
services via email can do their readings over the Internet.
Rhonda
Der Rhonda
Always remember, "Spammers Lie".
Those "psychics" are just a bunch of silly crooks. The only
thing they read is your credit card. All you get is some vague
generalities that would fit anybody.
Whenever I look in the trash for something else that I
accidentally deleted, I always see a bunch of spam from
"psychics". If they had the slightest bit of psychic ability
then they would know that I filter their spam into the trash,
unread.
I would gladly do a psychic reading of the aura attached
to your email, but my psychic abilities are telling me that
considering your gullibility index, you are probably
overdressed for the season.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Sarah and Dick were having dinner with a couple they'd
not seen for several years. Each couple tried to re-
capture knowledge of the other by recounting their
histories. "And soon after we were married," Sarah
began, "we were blessed with a marvelous, chubby
creature with cute bow legs and no teeth."
"You had a baby, I presume," said the other husband.
"Nope," Dick broke in, "Sarah's mother came to live
with us."
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Ham with Sweet Mustard Sauce
By l_rambou [12 Posts, 2 Comments]
Mustard tastes good with ham. You can use the extra sauce on
your vegetables, potatoes or rice. You can add pineapple which
is always nice with ham and makes an even sweeter sauce.
Prep Time: 10 minutes
Cook Time: 45 minutes
Total Time: 55 minutes
Yield: 3-4
Ingredients:
1 ham
1/3 cup yellow mustard
1/4 cup dijon mustard
1/4 cup brown sugar
Steps:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
Slice ham and place in casserole dish.
Stir together the mustards and brown sugar until well blended.
Pour the sauce over the ham. Making sure all slices are
covered.
Cover and place in oven.
Cook for 30 minutes, then remove the cover for the last 15
minutes of cooking.
____________________________________________________
Don't give up on the sea gulls, keep watching!
____________________________________________________
Allan moved into a nudist colony. He received a letter from
his mother asking him to send her a current picture. Too
embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony,
he cuts one in half and sends her the top part.
Later he receives another letter asking him to send a
picture to his grandmother. The man cuts another picture in
half, but accidentally sends the bottom half. He is really
worried when he realizes that he sent the wrong part, but
then remembers how bad his grandmother's eyesight is
and hopes she won't notice.
A few weeks later he receives a letter from his grandmother.
It says, "Thank you for the picture. You definitely have the
Hinkley nose like your Grandpa, but you should get a better
barber. The hairstyle you got is not flattering for a good
looking young man like you!"
___________________________________________________
An amazing 21-year-old artist brings history to life through color.
"Grandma, when you and Grandpa had your
first baby, did Grandpa ever handle the middle
of the night feeding?"
"No. I always did that."
"That must have been before you had women's
liberation."
"No, it was before we had baby bottles."
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________
The personnel manager was impressing the applicant
with the prospective job.
"We make parts for microscopes. You'll be required
to work with lenses that are a hundredth of an inch thick."
"I can handle it," the applicant said, "I used to
slice meat in a delicatessen. I can slice ham so thin that it
is kosher."
Today, on June 13, in
1415 Henry the Navigator, the prince of Portugal, embarked on
an expedition to Africa.
1777 The Marquis de Lafayette arrived in the American colonies
to help with their rebellion against the British.
1789 Ice cream was served to General George Washington by Mrs.
Alexander Hamilton.
1825 Walter Hunt patented the safety pin. Hunt then then sold
the rights for $400.
1866 The 14th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was passed by
the U.S. Congress.
1898 The Canadian Yukon Territory was organized.
1900 China's Boxer Rebellion against foreigners and Chinese
Christians erupted into violence.
1912 Captain Albert Berry made the first successful parachute
jump from an airplane in Jefferson, Mississippi.
1920 The U.S. Post Office Department ruled that children may
not be sent by parcel post.
1922 Charlie Osborne started the longest attack on hiccups. He
hiccuped over 435 million times before stopping. He died in
1991, 11 months after his hiccups ended.
1923 The French set a trade barrier between the occupied Ruhr
and the rest of Germany. That did not go over well at all.
1927 Charles Lindbergh was honored with a ticker-tape parade
in New York City.
1927 For the first time, an American Flag was displayed from
the right hand of the Statue of Liberty.
1940 Paris was evacuated before the German advance on the
city.
1943 German spies landed on Long Island, New York. They were
soon captured.
1944 Germany launched 10 of its new V1 rockets against Britain
from a position near the Channel coast. Of the 10 rockets only
5 landed in Britain and only one managed to kill (6 people in
London).
1944 Marvin Camras patented the wire recorder.
1949 Bao Dai entered Saigon to rule Vietnam. He had been
installed by the French.
1951 U.N. troops seized Pyongyang, North Korea.
1966 The landmark "Miranda v. Arizona" decision was issued by
the U.S. Supreme Court. The decision ruled that criminal
suspects had to be informed of their constitutional rights
before being questioned by police.
1967 Solicitor General Thurgood Marshall was nominated by
President Lyndon B. Johnson to become the first black justice
on the U.S. Supreme Court.
1971 The New York Times began publishing the "Pentagon
Papers". The articles were a secret study of America's
involvement in Vietnam.
1978 Israelis withdrew the last of their invading forces from
Lebanon.
1979 Sioux Indians were awarded $105 million in compensation
for the U.S. seizure in 1877 of their Black Hills in South
Dakota.
1983 The unmanned U.S. space probe Pioneer 10 became the first
spacecraft to leave the solar system. It was launched in March
1972. The first up-close images of the planet Jupiter were
provided by Pioneer 10.
1988 The Liggett Group, a cigarette manufacturer, was found
liable for a lung-cancer death. They were, however, found
innocent by the federal jury of misrepresenting the risks of
smoking.
1994 A jury in Anchorage, Alaska, found Exxon Corp. and
Captain Joseph Hazelwood to be reckless in the Exxon Valdez
oil spill.
1995 France announced that they would conduct eight more
nuclear tests in the South Pacific.
2000 In Pyongyang, North Korea's leader Kim Jong Il welcomed
South Korea's President Kim Dae for a three-day summit. It was
the first such meeting between the leaders of North and South
Korea.
2017 smiled.
Monday, June 12, 2017, 12:10 PM Posted by Administrator
<B></B>
Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, June 12
Thank you, Nancy!!!
Have Fun!
Dearwebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Math teacher, 25, jailed after her colleagues tipped off cops
about her romping with THREE teenage pupils
Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, June 12 in
1099 Crusade leaders visited the Mount of Olives where they
met a hermit who urged them to assault Jerusalem.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Strong minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, weak
minds discuss people.
--- Socrates
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over,
it turned into a butterfly.
--- Dona
Television is to news as bumperstickers are to philosophy.
--- Richard Milhous Nixon
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
There is a story about a new clerk in a supermarket.
A customer asked him if she could buy half a grapefruit.
Not knowing what to do, he excused himself to ask the
manager.
"Some nut out there wants to buy half a grapefruit..."
he began, and, suddenly realizing that the customer
had entered the office behind him, continued, "
... and this lovely lady would like to buy the other half."
The manager was impressed with the way the clerk
amicably resolved the problem and they later started
chatting. "Where are you from?" asked the store manager.
"Fessairton, Pennsylvania," replied the clerk, "home of
ugly women and great hockey teams."
"Oh, my WIFE is from Fessairton," challenged the manager.
Without skipping a beat, the clerk asked,
"What team was she on?"
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in
logic.
"Here is the situation," she said. "A man is standing
up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his
balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for
help. His wife hears the commotion, knows he can't swim,
and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the
bank?"
A girl raised her hand and said, "To clean out all his
bank acconts before the inlaws get at them?"
______________________________________________________
Brittany, France
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
Reported by the Bausell Sailor:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Erin McAuliffe,
25,
Rocky Mount,
North Carolina
Math teacher, 25, jailed after her colleagues tipped off cops
about her romping with THREE teenage pupils
McAuliffe has been sacked from Rocky Mount Preparatory School
in North Carolina
The investigation was launched after admin staff at her school
tipped off cops about alleged misconduct involving the maths
tutor.
All the reported romps with the three boys two 17, one 16
took place away from school, police said.
McAuliffe has been charged with three counts of sexual
activity with a student and one of indecent liberties with a
minor.
She has been sacked from Rocky Mount Preparatory, North
Carolina, where she had worked since last August.
Her bosses said: "We have been fully cooperative with local
law enforcement during the course of their handling of this
matter."
McAuliffe is being held at Carteret County Jail after she was
taken into custody on Thursday.
She is due in court on Monday.
The Rocky Mount job was the first time McAuliffe worked as a
teacher full-time, according to her Linkedin profile.
She also offered "after-school tutoring to help struggling
students improve their critical thinking and problem-solving
skills."
McAuliffe also worked to "develop alternate enrichment
activities and modifications in student programs to increase
student understanding."
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Brian
Re: Light / Flash placement
Dear Webby,
I was picked (on) to take the volunteer award pictures. I
remember that you said to avoid flash if at all possible,
but I don't remember what you said about where to place
lights. The overhead lights are pretty good and I have
room to place hat racks with quartz construction lights
on both sides of me.
What do you suggest?
Brian
Put all lights to one side of you. Otherwise you kill
contrast. An outstretched arms length or a bit more
distance is best.
The height of the lights should be a hands width higher
than their heads for young people, and about waist high
for older people. Low lighting makes double-chins
disappear and is generally more flattering to older
people.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
A second grader arrived home after school and shocked
his mother by announcing,
"Today we learned how to make babies."
Risking further embarrassment, the mother asked for
details on how to make babies.
"It's simple, the boy replied, "Just drop the'y' and add
'ies."
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Make Dry Shampoo With Baking Soda and Baby Powder
By Dorin [4 Posts, 30 Comments]
I mix baking soda with baby powder as a great dry shampoo. I
recommend the lavender/chamomile baby powder. The baking soda
cleans off build up, and the baby powder soaks up the oil.
It's absolutely great when you don't have time for a shower,
and gives your hair great body!
By Dorinmoz from Sugar Land, TX
____________________________________________________
All By Myself at the airport
____________________________________________________
The applicant for life insurance was finding it difficult
to fill out the application.
The salesman asked what the trouble was, and the man
said that he couldn't answer the question about the cause
of death of his father.
The salesman wanted to know why. After some
embarrassment the client explained that his father had
been hanged.
The wise salesman pondered for a moment.
"Just write: 'Father was taking part in a public function
when the platform gave way.'"
___________________________________________________
Wish I could visit all of these places.
It was mealtime during our trip on a small airline in the
South.
"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked
the man seated in front of me.
"What are my choices?" he asked.
"Yes or no," she replied.
---------------
That's even worse than we used to have at Scare North
(Air North). There the choice was: "Frozen or thawed?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________
>From Edna
Dear Webby, can you please try to find that old bricklayer's
accident report again? You haven't told that one for five
years at least, and I can't find it any more.
Thanks
Edna
No Problem, Edna. I have sent that around since the days
when I did it via fax, before the internet.
Here it is:
I am writing in response to your request for additional
information. In block number 3 in the Accident Report
Form I put "Lost Presence-of-Mind" as the cause of my
accident. You asked in your letter that I should explain
more fully, and I trust the following details will be
sufficient.
I am a bricklayer, by trade. On the day of the accident
I was working alone on the roof of a new 6 story building.
When I completed my work, I discovered I had about 500
pounds of bricks left over. Rather than carry them down
by hand, I decided to lower them down in a barrel, using
a pully, which fortunately was attached to the building
at the 6th floor.
Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof,
swung the barrel out, and loaded the bricks into it. Then
I went to the ground floor, untied the rope, holding it
tightly to ensure a slow decent of the 500 pounds of
bricks. You will note in block number 3 of the Accident
Reporting Form, that I weigh 145 pounds.
Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so
suddenly, I lost my presence-of-mind and forgot to let go
of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a high rate
up the side of the building.
In the vicinity of the 3rd floor, I met the barrel coming
down--this explains the fractured skull and broken collar
bone.
Slowed, only so slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not
stopping until the fingers of my hand were 2 knuckles deep
into the pully. Fortunately, by this time I had regained
my presence-of-mind, and was able to hold tightly to the
rope inspite of my increasing pain.
At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of
bricks hit the ground and the bottem fell out of the barrel.
Devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel now weighed
approximately 50 pounds. I refer you again to my weight in
block number 3, and as you might imagine--I began a rapid
decent down the side of the building.
In the vicinity of the 3rd floor, yes, I met the barrel
coming up, this accounts for the 2 fractured ankles, and the
lacerations on my legs and lower body.
The encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my
injuries when I fell onto the pile of bricks, and fortunately,
only 3 vertebrae were cracked.
I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the pile
of bricks, in pain, unable to stand, and watching the empty
barrel 6 stories above me, I again lost my presence-of-mind,
and let go of the rope. The empty barrel weighed more than the
rope--so it came down on me and broke both my legs.
I trust I have furnished you the information you require as to
how this accident occurred.
Today, on June 12, in
1099 Crusade leaders visited the Mount of Olives where they
met a hermit who urged them to assault Jerusalem.
1442 Alfonso V of Aragon was crowned King of Naples.
1665 England installed a municipal government in New York. It
was the former Dutch settlement of New Amsterdam.
1812 Napoleon's invasion of Russia began.
1839 Abner Doubleday created the game of baseball, according
to the legend.
1849 Lewis Haslett patented a gas mask. (Patent US6529 A)
1897 Carl Elsener patented his penknife. The object later
became known as the Swiss army knife.
1898 Philippine nationalists declared their independence from
Spain.
1900 The Reichstag approved a second law that would allow the
expansion of the German navy.
1901 Cuba agreed to become an American protectorate by
accepting the Platt Amendment.
1918 The first airplane bombing raid by an American unit
occurred on World War I's Western Front in France.
1921 U.S. President Warren Harding urged every young man to
attend military training camp.
1923 Harry Houdini, while suspended upside down 40 feet above
the ground, escaped from a strait jacket.
1926 Brazil quit the League of Nations in protest over plans
to admit Germany.
1935 U.S. Senator Huey Long of Louisiana made the longest
speech on Senate record. The speech took 15 1/2 hours and was
filled by 150,000 words.
1935 The Chaco War was ended with a truce. Bolivia and
Paraguay had been fighting since 1932.
1937 The Soviet Union executed eight army leaders under Joseph
Stalin.
1941 In London, the Inter-Allied Declaration was signed. It
was the first step towards the establishment of the United
Nations.
1944 Chinese Communist leader Mao Tse-tung announced that he
would support Nationalist leader Chiang Kai-shek in the war
against Japan.
1948 Ben Hogan won his first U.S. Open golf classic.
1963 "Cleopatra" starring Elizabeth Taylor, Rex Harrison, and
Richard Burton premiered at the Rivoli Theatre in New York
City.
1963 Civil rights leader Medgar Evers was fatally shot in
front of his home in Jackson, MS.
1967 State laws which prohibited interracial marriages were
ruled unconstitutional by the U.S. Supreme Court.
1975 Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi was found guilty of
corrupt election practices in 1971.
1979 Bryan Allen flew the Gossamer Albatross, man powered,
across the English Channel.
1981 Major league baseball players began a 49 day strike. The
issue was free-agent compensation.
1981 "Raiders of the Lost Ark" opened in the U.S.
1982 75,000 people rallied against nuclear weapons in New York
City's Central Park. Jackson Browne, James Taylor, Bruce
Springsteen, and Linda Ronstadt were in attendance.
1985 Wayne "The Great One" Gretsky was named winner of the
NHL's Hart Trophy. The award is given to the the league Most
Valuable Player.
1985 The U.S. House of Representatives approved $27 million in
aid to the Nicaraguan contras.
1986 South Africa declared a national state of emergency.
Virtually unlimited power was given to security forces and
restrictions were put on news coverage of the unrest.
1987 U.S. President Reagan publicly challenged Mikhail
Gorbachev to tear down the Berlin Wall.
1990 The parliament of the Russian Federation formally
declared its sovereignty.
1991 Russians went to the election polls and elected Boris N.
Yeltsin as the president of their republic.
1992 In a letter to the U.S. Senate, Russian Boris Yeltsin
stated that in the early 1950's the Soviet Union had shot down
nine U.S. planes and held 12 American survivors.
1996 In Philadelphia a panel of federal judges blocked a law
against indecency on the internet. The panel said that the
1996 Communications Decency Act would infringe upon the free
speech rights of adults.
1997 The U.S. Treasury Department unveiled a new $50 bill
meant to be more counterfeit-resistant.
1998 Compaq Computer paid $9 billion for Digital Equipment
Corp. in largest high-tech acquisition.
1999 NATO peacekeeping forces entered the province of Kosovo
in Yugoslavia.
2003 In Arkansas, Terry Wallis spoke for the first time in
nearly 19 years. Wallis had been in a coma since July 13,
1984, after being injured in a car accident.
2009 In the U.S., The switch from analog TV trasmission to
digital was completed.
2017 smiled.
Sunday, June 11, 2017, 10:54 AM Posted by Administrator
<B></B>
Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, June 11
Thank you, Nancy!!!
Have Fun!
Dearwebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Northern Irish man, 29, punched two-year-old toddler girl
in the face leaving her with brain injuries just so he
could watch X Factor in peace.
Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, June 11 in
1770 Captain James Cook discovered the Great Barrier Reef
off of Australia when he ran aground.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Children are all foreigners.
--- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882)
No one has ever had an idea in a dress suit.
--- Sir Frederick G. Banting (1891 - 1941)
Household tasks are easier and quicker
when they are done by somebody else.
--- James Thorpe
Good judgment comes from experience,
and experience comes from bad judgment.
--- Barry LePatner
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Every time the man next door headed toward Robinson's
house, Robinson knew he was coming to borrow something.
"He won't get away with it this time," muttered Robinson to
his wife. "Watch this."
"Er, I wonder if you'd be using your power-saw this
morning," the neighbor began.
"Gee, I'm awfully sorry," said Robinson with a smug look,
"but the fact of the matter is, I'll be using it all day."
And the neighbor said, "Well, in that case, you won't
be using your golf clubs. Mind if I borrow them?"
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
After deciding that their frail, elderly mother
can no longer live alone, a family brings her to
a nursing home, hoping she'll be well cared for.
The next morning, the nurses bathe the old woman,
feed her a tasty breakfast, and sit her in a chair
at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.
She seems fine, but after a while she slowly
starts to lean over sideways in her chair.
Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch
her and straighten her up.
Again she seems fine, but after a while she starts
to tilt to the other side.
The nurses rush back and once more bring her back
upright.
This goes on all morning.
Later the family arrives to see how the old
woman is adjusting to her new home.
"So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you
all right?" they ask.
"It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they
won't let you fart."
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
Reported by the Bausell Sailor:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Darren Fagan,
29,
Portadown, Co Armagh,
Northern Ireland
Northern Irish man, 29, punched two-year-old toddler girl
in the face leaving her with brain injuries just so he
could watch X Factor in peace.
A THUG who punched a two-year-old girl in the face so he could
watch the X Factor in peace was today jailed for a total of 13
and a half years.
Darren Fagan's sickening attack left the toddler with "life-
changing" brain injuries, Belfast Crown Court heard.
The court was told how Fagan, 29, confessed to a probation
officer he "punched the child to her head as she would not
stop crying" while he was trying to enjoy the TV talent show
with his partner the child's mother.
The judge heard at the time of the assault on October 19,
2014, the young victim was aged two years and four months.
At that point, her mother, who was separated from the child's
father, had met Fagan about "eight to 10 times".
After the child was put to bed in her home in Bessbrook, Co
Armagh, Northern Ireland she became unsettled prompting the
mother to go and check on her.
Deciding to fetch her some medicine from the kitchen she said
she noticed that Fagan was no longer in the living room.
As she went upstairs, the mother alleged that her daughter
"stopped crying" and she heard a "sudden noise like a thud".
A prosecution barrister told the court: "She says that within
three seconds of hearing the thud she was in the room and saw
the defendant standing up, crouched over her daughter's bed.
"She noticed a large lump on the left side of her head."
The barrister added: "She shouted at him: 'Oh my God, you've
hit her!'
"And the defendant replied: "No, it's not what it looks like."
Doctors discovered that the toddler had sustained severe head
injuries, including multiple fractures and a brain
haemorrhage.
A judge at Belfast Crown Court branded his claim the child had
struck her head when her mother fell carrying her down the
stairs as "cowardly, vindictive and shameful".
The court heard that Fagan, formerly of Portadown, Co Armagh
had an "extensive criminal record" including convictions for
violence.
One of those convictions was for assaulting the 20-month-old
child of a previous partner.
Fagan pleaded guilty to a single charge of causing grievous
bodily harm with intent.
A charge of attempted murder was left on file.
He was also handed an extended custodial sentence of three
years "for the protection of the public".
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Amanda
Re: Wireless Network
Dear Webby,
We had to move because of the flood and will be in a rented
house for some time. We need to connect a home network for
my two girls and one for hubby and one for me. It's an older
house and there is no cabling like we have in our house.
What do you suggest?
Thanks
Amanda
Dear Amanda
Getting cabling installed could be very expensive. Your best
bet is to get a wireless router, if your router does not have
those telltale little antennas on it.
Most computers nowadays have wireless capability. If yours
doesn't, get a USB wireless Network card for the machines that
don't have wireless.
After that, it's just a matter of clicking on the network icon
in the bottom right corner, and stepping through the setup.
It's not difficult, but depending on your ISP, can be a bit
tedious. If necessary, call your ISP's support, and they will
step you through the setup.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Thanks to Dianne for this story:
On a street, where the speed is limited to 30 mph the
police stop a driver.
"Not only have you been driving too fast, you've been
passing cars where it is not allowed. Your lights don't
work, and your tires all completely worn out. This is
going to cost you a lot. What's your name?"
"Schtrathewisizeski Vocgefastilongchinic."
"Well, I'll let you go this time, but don't do it again!"
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Homemade Wasp Repellent
By Jill Kayser [1 Post]
Wasps seem to hate warm soapy water. I attached a sprayer to
my hose with simple dish soap in it. I applied some several
times during the day and have successfully deterred a large
nest that was visible and inside my covered porch structure. I
have animals and plants and was reluctant to use a bunch of
wasp spray.
____________________________________________________
Rain in Africa
____________________________________________________
Mrs. Smith pulled Mrs. Jones out of earshot of the porch,
where Mrs. Jones' lovely young daughter, Linda, sat.
"It is really none of my business," whispered Mrs. Smith,
"but have you noticed what your daughter is doing?"
"Why, no. Is she up to anything special?"
Mrs. Smith leaned closer. "Haven't you noticed? She has
started knitting tiny garments!"
Mrs. Jones' troubled brow cleared. "Well, thank goodness,"
she said smiling, "at last she has taken an interest in
something besides running around with boys."
___________________________________________________
Unbelievable places that really exist.
During the last session of our teaching workshop, participants
were asked to state their personal goals for the immediate
future. One teacher vowed to update photo albums, another to
lose weight.
The goal that got the most response, however, was given by a
slightly out-of-shape kindergarten teacher. "I resolve to
exercise until I can complete a 20-minute workout in less than
an hour," she said.
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________
A member of the Country Club asked the lifeguard how he
might go about teaching a young lady to swim.
"It takes considerable time and technique." replied the guard.
"First you must take her into the water, then place one arm
about her waist, hold her tightly, then take her right arm and
raise it very slowly..."
"This is certainly most helpful." said the member.
"I know that my sister will appreciate it."
"Your sister?" said the lifeguard. "In that case, just push
her into the deep end of the pool. She'll learn in a hurry."
Today, on June 11, in
1346 Charles IV of Luxembourg was elected Holy Roman Emperor
in Germany.
1509 King Henry VIII married his first of six wives, Catherine
of Aragon.
1770 Captain James Cook discovered the Great Barrier Reef off
of Australia when he ran aground.
1798 Napoleon Bonaparte took the island of Malta.
1895 Charles E. Duryea received the first U.S. patent granted
to an American inventor for a gasoline-driven automobile.
1912 Silas Christoferson became the first pilot to take off
from the roof of a hotel.
1915 British troops took Cameroon in Africa.
1927 Charles A. Lindberg was presented the first Distinguished
Flying Cross.
1930 William Beebe dove to a record-setting depth of 1,426
feet off the coast of Bermuda. He used a diving chamber called
a bathysphere.
1934 The Disarmament Conference in Geneva ended in failure.
1936 The Presbyterian Church of America was formed in
Philadelphia, PA.
1937 Soviet leader Josef Stalin began a purge of Red Army
generals.
1940 The Italian Air Force bombed the British fortress at
Malta in the Mediterranean.
1942 The U.S. and the Soviet Union signed a lend lease
agreement to aid the Soviets in their effort in World War II.
1943 During World War II, the Italian island of Pantelleria
surrendered after a heavy air bombardment.
1947 The U.S. government announced an end to sugar rationing.
1963 Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. was arrested in Florida for
trying to integrate restaurants.
1963 Alabama Gov. George Wallace allowed two black students to
enroll at the University of Alabama.
1967 Israel and Syria accepted a U.N. cease-fire.
1973 After a ruling by the Justice Department of the State of
Pennsylvania, women were licensed to box or wrestle.
1977 In the Netherlands, a 19-day hostage situation came to an
end when Dutch marines stormed a train and a school being held
by South Moluccan extremist. Two hostages and the six
terrorists were killed.
1982 Steven Spielberg's movie "E.T." opened.
1987 Margaret Thatcher became the first British prime minister
in 160 years to win a third consecutive term of office.
1990 The U.S. Supreme Court struck down a law that would
prohibit the desecration of the American Flag.
1991 Mount Pinatubo in the Philippines erupted. The eruption
of ash and gas could be seen for more than 60 miles.
1993 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that people who commit "hate
crimes" could be sentenced to extra punishment. The court also
ruled in favor of religious groups saying that they indeed had
a constitutional right to sacrifice animals during worship
services.
1993 Steven Spielberg's movie "Jurassic Park" opened.
1998 Mitsubishi of America agreed to pay $34 million to end
the largest sexual harassment case filed by the U.S.
government. The federal lawsuit claimed that hundreds of women
at a plant in Normal, IL, had endured groping and crude jokes
from male workers.
1998 Pakistan announced moratorium on nuclear testing and
offered to talk with India over disputed Kashmir.
2010 The FIFA World Cup opened in South Africa. It was the
first time it was held in Africa.
2017 smiled.
Saturday, June 10, 2017, 09:22 AM Posted by Administrator
<B></B>
Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, June 10
Have Fun!
Dearwebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Man Shot Dead After Seen Trying To Drown Babies In Tub
and menacing their mother with a knife
Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, June 10 in
1776 The Continental Congress appointed a committee to
write a Declaration of Independence.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
"Always remember, a cat looks down on man,
a dog looks up to man,
but a pig will look man right in the eye
nd see his equal."
-- Winston Churchill
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on
mental health and was giving an oral test. Speaking
about a specific condition, she asked, "How would you
diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at
the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair
weeping uncontrollably the next?"
, in the back of the room,
raised a hand and said, "A basketball coach?"
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
For months Bill had been Lynn's devoted admirer. At long last
he had collected sufficient courage to ask her the momentous
question.
"There are quite a lot of advantages to being a bachelor,"
Bill began, "but there comes a time when one longs for the
companionship of another being, a being who will regard one
as perfect, as an idol; whom one can treat as one's absolute
own; who will be kind and faithful when times are hard; who
will share one's joys and sorrows."
To his delight, Bill saw a sympathetic gleam in Lynn's eyes.
Then she nodded in agreement, "I think it's a wonderful idea!
Can I help you pick out a puppy?"
______________________________________________________
Greenland, Aurora and Milky Way
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
Reported by the Bausell Sailor:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Leland Foster,
27,
Ada,
Oklahoma
Man Shot Dead After Seen Trying To Drown Babies In Tub
and menacing their mother with a knife
An Oklahoma man was shot dead by a neighbor while trying to
drown his 3-month-old twins in a bathtub on Friday,
authorities said.
A 12-year-old girl, who was able to escape the home in Ada,
alerted the neighbor to the horrific scene inside, prompting
him to enter with a handgun, News 9 reported.
The neighbor told police he saw 27-year-old Leland Foster
holding the babies under water while threatening their mother
with a knife. The neighbor, identified as Cash Freeman,
responded by shooting Foster twice in his back, killing him.
The infants were taken to a hospital and released on Saturday,
KXII reported.
It's awful because I've held the babies and, like, I've played
with them and I just gave them clothes yesterday, neighbor
Summer Pierce told KFOR News.
Freeman, speaking to KFOR off camera, said he was only trying
to save the babies and expressed concern that he may be in
trouble.
The district attorney's office will ultimately determine
whether charges are warranted.
Foster had a history of violence, criminal records show.
In 2011 he was charged with arson and domestic violence by
strangulation in the first degree after being accused of
choking his ex-girlfriend and setting her clothes on fire
inside an apartment.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Roberta
Re: Is E-Bay safe?
Dear Webby,
I am fairly new to the Internet and have some questions
about buying stuff from e-bay.
Have you ever bought anything from there?
How safe is it?
Roberta
Dear Roberta
Yes, I have bought many things via ebay, from software
to electronics. I have always been happy with my purchases.
It's quite safe to buy stuff via ebay. They are a huge
company and can't afford to let any crooks giving them
a bad name. If somebody tries something crooked, they
jump on them with both feet.
Here are some tricks to make your shopping there easier:
1) Get a PayPal account and an ebay account.
2) If you want a certain item, check with pricegrabber.com
to see how much it is in the stores.
3) Decide how much you are willing to budget for that item.
4) Put that amount into your Automatic Maximum Bid,
but leave the automatic bidding turned off.
5) Bid a small amount to get into the action.
6) Watch the bidding but just quietly observe until a few
minutes before closing of that item. Then turn the automatic
bidding on. It will top all other bids with the incremental
amount that you have chosen, but stay within your set
maximum amount.
As long as you do #2 and #4, you won't get carried away
with auction fever and spend too much.
Always pay for what you won immediately. Most sellers
will reciprocate and ship just as promptly.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
>From Frank:
When my wife had to rush to the hospital unexpectedly, she
asked me to bring her a few items from home. One item on her
list was "comfortable underwear."
Worried I'd make the wrong choice, I asked, "How will I know
which ones to pick?"
"Hold them up and imagine them on me," she answered.
"If you smile, put them back."
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Growing Sunflowers in Containers
By EllenB [846 Posts, 1 Comment]
Sunflowers do great in containers. In fact, container
gardening has gotten so popular in the past few years that
there are now literally dozens of varieties of sunflowers
available that have been developed specifically for growing in
containers (e.g. 'Big Smile', 'Italian White', 'Music Box',
'Elite Sun', etc.).
Almost any variety can be grown successfully in containers, as
long as you meet its growing conditions and provide it with a
big enough pot.
The really tall or mammoth varieties will likely need staking
to remain upright in pots.
Plant seeds in full sun, using a light potting soil or soil-
less mix. Plant the seeds to a depth of 1 inch (6 inches
apart) and expect to see them germinate quickly.
Days to maturity will vary according to each variety.
Seedlings of regular varieties will need to be thinned to 12
to 18 inches and given plenty of room to grow and spread out.
Dwarf varieties can be packed in a little more closely
together, but still need to be spaced at least 4 to 5 inches
apart.
Sunflower roots are quite large and like to spread out.
Mammoth varieties grow best in half barrels or containers that
are at least 6 to 18 inches deep and 12 inches wide. Smaller
containers will keep plants from reaching their full growth
potential.
Sunflowers grown in containers need to be watered daily and
even more frequently during really hot weather. Feed them a
1/2 strength water-soluble fertilizer every other week or so
to support big blooms, and mulch around the tops of the
containers to help conserve moisture.
____________________________________________________
spelunking in the Ozarks
____________________________________________________
Dr. Willis finished examining Matilda and went into the
hallway to talk to her husband Bernie.
"I don't want to alarm you," he said to Bernie, "but I
don't like the way your wife looks at all."
"Me neither, Doc." replied Bernie. "But she's a great
cook and really good with the kids."
___________________________________________________
Incredible art work out of sand. Click on his web site to see more of his work.
Thanks to Dave for this one:
While working in the psychology department at Glen Oaks
Community College in Centreville, MI, I was asked to
enlarge a chart for a meeting. I called the copy room and
asked, "Can I get something blown up down there?"
After a pause the voice on the line replied,
"I think you want the chemistry lab."
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________
Thanks to Betty for the seasonal favorite Chili Contest:
*Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay
attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the
third judge is even better! For those of you who have
lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually
have a Chili Cook-off about the time the Rodeo comes
to town. It takes up a major portion of the parking lot
at the Astrodome.
The notes are from an inexperienced Chili taster named
Frank, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast:
Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge
at a chili cook-off. The Judge #3 called in sick at the
last moment and I happened to be standing there at the
judge's table asking for directions to the Budweiser truck,
when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges
(Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy
and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during
the tasting, so I accepted."
Here are the scorecards from the event:
Chili # 1 (Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili)
Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 -- (Frank) Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff?
You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took
me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the
worst one. These Texans are crazy.
Chili # 2 (Arthur's Afterburner Chili)
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno
tang.
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to
be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm
not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to
wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich
maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the
look on my face.
Chili # 3 (Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili)
Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Needs
more beans.
Judge # 2 -- A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of
peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill.
My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone
knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite.
Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in
the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced from
all of the beer!
Chili # 4 (Bubba's Black Magic)
Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice.
Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side
dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue,
but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out
taste buds? Sally, the barmaid was standing behind me with
fresh refills. That 300-lb bitch is starting to look HOT...
just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an
aphrodisiac?
Chili # 5 (Linda's Legal Lip Remover)
Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly
ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more
tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong
statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my
forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and
four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant
seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given
me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding
by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if
I'm burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the
other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks.
Chili # 6 (Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety)
Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good
balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers,
onions, and garlic. Superb.
Judge #3-- I shit myself when I farted and I'm worried it
will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand
behind me except that Sally. She must be kinkier than
I thought. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my
ass with a snow cone.
Chili # 7 (Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili)
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on
canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw
in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should take
note that I am worried about Judge #3. He appears to be
in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull
the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one
eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water.
My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of
my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like shit to match my
shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed
me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful.
Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air,
I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.
Chili # 8 (Tommy's Toe-Nail Curling Chili)
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili.
Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili.
Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost
when Judge # 3 passed out, fell over and pulled the chili
pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make
it. Poor dude, wonder how he'd have reacted to really
hot chili.
Today, on June 10, in
1776 The Continental Congress appointed a committee to write a
Declaration of Independence.
1793 The Jardin des Plantes zoo opened in Paris. It was the
first public zoo.
1801 The North African State of Tripoli declared war on the
U.S. The dispute was over merchant vessels being able to
travel safely through the Mediterranean. The Marines settled
that in short order.
1854 The U.S. Naval Academy in Annapolis, MD, held its first
graduation.
1898 U.S. Marines landed in Cuba during the Spanish-American
War.
1902 The "outlook" or "see-through" envelope was patented by
Americus F. Callahan.
1903 Binney & Smith Company began developing a product line of
wax crayons. The product was named Crayola.
1909 The SOS distress signal was used for the first time. The
Cunard liner SS Slavonia used the signal when it wrecked off
the Azores.
1916 Mecca, under control of the Turks, fell to the Arabs
during the Great Arab Revolt.
1920 The Republican convention in Chicago endorsed woman
suffrage.
1924 The Republican National Convention was broadcast by NBC
radio. It was the first political convention to be on radio.
1925 The state of Tennessee adopted a new biology text book
that denied the theory of evolution.
1933 Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow were in a car accident on
a rural road in north Texas. The third-degree burns suffered
by Parker resulted in a pronounced limp for the rest of her
life.
1935 Alcoholic Anonymous was founded by William G. Wilson and
Dr. Robert Smith.
1940 Italy declared war on France and Britain. In addition,
Canada declared war on Italy.
1943 Laszlo Biro patented his ballpoint pen. Biro was a
Hungarian journalist.
1943 The Allies began bombing Germany around the clock.
1944 The youngest pitcher in major league baseball pitched his
first game. Joe Nuxhall was 15 years old (and 10 months and 11
days).
1946 Italy established a republic replacing its monarchy.
1948 Chuck Yeager exceeded the speed of sound in the Bell XS-
1.
1954 General Motors announced the gas turbine bus had been
produced successfully.
1967 Israel and Syria agreed to a cease-fire that ended the
Six-Day War.
1970 A fifteen-man group of special forces troops began
training for Operation Kingpin. The operation was a POW rescue
mission in North Vietnam.
1971 The U.S. ended a 21-year trade embargo of China.
1984 The U.S. Army successfully tested an antiballistic
missile.
1984 The United States and the Vatican established full
diplomatic relations for the first time in 117 years.
1985 Frank Sinatra was portrayed as a friend of organized
crime in a "Doonesbury" comic strip. Over 800 newspapers
carried the panel.
1985 The Israeli army pulled out of Lebanon after 1,099 days
of occupation.
1990 The Civic Forum movement won Czechoslovakia's first free
elections since 1946. The movement was founded by President
Vaclav Havel.
1990 Bulgaria's former Communist Party won the country's first
free elections in more than four decades.
1993 It was announced by scientists that genetic material was
extracted from an insect that lived when dinosaurs roamed the
Earth.
1994 U.S. President Clinton intensified sanctions against
Haiti's military leaders. U.S. commercial air travel was
suspended along with most financial transactions between Haiti
and the U.S.
1996 Britain and Ireland opened Northern Ireland peace talks.
The IRA's political arm Sinn Fein was excluded.
1998 The Wisconsin Supreme Court ruled that poor children in
Milwaukee could attend religious schools at taxpayer expense.
1999 NATO suspended air strikes in Yugoslavia after Slobodan
Milosevic agreed to withdraw his forces from Kosovo.
2017 smiled.
Friday, June 9, 2017, 08:47 AM Posted by Administrator
<B></B>
Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, June 9
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Have Fun!
Dearwebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman passed out in running Jeep
Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, June 8 in
1534 Jacques Cartier became the first to sail into the
river he named Saint Lawrence.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
All phone calls are obscene.
--- Karen Elizabeth Gordon
Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory as
the wish to forget it.
--- Michel de Montaigne (1533 - 1592)
My favorite animal is steak.
--- Fran Lebowitz
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a gathering, and
his hostess naturally broached the subject in which the
doctor was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me,
Doctor," she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in
somebody who appears completely normal?"
"Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask him a simple
question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he
hesitates, that puts you on the track."
"What sort of question?"
"Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips
around the world and died during one of them. Which one?'
The hostess thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh,
"You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I
must confess I don't know much about history."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
>From Alf
My mother was away all weekend at a business conference.
During a break, she decided to call home collect. My
six-year-old brother picked up the phone and heard a
stranger's voice say, "We have a Betty on the line. Will you
accept the charges?" Frantic, he dropped the receiver and
came charging outside screaming, "Dad! They've got Mom!
An they want money!"
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
Reported by the Bausell Sailor:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
DUH?
Abby Hart,
33,
St. Johns
Florida
St. Johns County woman passed out in running Jeep
A St. Johns woman was found passed out in a Jeep --
with the windows up and her foot on the brake, a St. Johns
County Sheriff's report said.
Abby Hart, 33, was charged with DUI shortly after being found
around noon on Tuesday.
The St. Johns County Sheriff's Office received a report that a
2016 Jeep Laredo was driving erratically on Valley Ridge
Parkway near Nocatee. Hart's Jeep was followed by a deputy and
later found sitting in the left turn lane on U.S. 1 to Race
Track Road.
The Jeep had not moved despite several green lights, the
report said.
Deputies said they were forced to wedge a patrol car in front
of the Jeep to prevent Hart from waking up and possibly
causing a crash by driving off. Hart did wake up, deputies
said, and her Jeep moved forward and struck a patrol car.
Hart had a Sutter Home Pinot Grigio wine bottle between her
legs, the St. Johns County Sheriff's Office said, and several
empty bottles in the front seat.
When Hart was asked where she was going, she said she was
going home and that the police needed to let her go, the
report said. She also attempted to go back to sleep while in
the car, police said.
Hart refused to perform field sobriety tests and refused to
take a breath test, police said.
Hart was held overnight in the St. Johns County Jail and was
released early Wednesday on $1,000 bail.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Janina
Re: Forwards
Dear Webby,
I imagine you get this question now and then but I would
like to ask you anyway....
those silly "forwards" we get that say .....
This is the coolest thing I have ever gotten. All you have
to do is send it to 7 people and watch your screen, it is
the funniest clip. I can't tell you what is but I was
laughing so hard I almost fell off my chair!!! So, send
it to those 7 people and watch. ...
Janina
Dear Janina
Those are all just gullibility traps for collecting addresses
to spam to. If somebody is silly enough to forward stuff
like that, chances are good that all kinds of snake oil
can be sold to them.
The only chain letter that does not get you onto a spam
list is this one:
Safe Chainhttp://webby.com/humor/fert.html
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Daffinitions:
1.Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders
the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts
until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people
that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer,
unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the
near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the
purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic
wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you
are running late.
10. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
11. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
12. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending
off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the
Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
13. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through
the day consuming only things that are good for you.
14. Glibido: All talk and no action.
15. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem
smarter when they come at you rapidly.
16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed
just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
17. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that
gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and can
not be cast out.
18. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding
half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Growing Peppers in Containers
By Duane De Vries [1 Post, 59 Comments]
I'm in West Michigan, zone 5 I think. I have very good success
using what is referred to as Self Watering Containers. I use 5
gallon food grade plastic buckets that I get from a pizza
shop. If you are not familiar with Self Watering Containers
they are a container with a false bottom about 3 inches or so
from the real bottom. Cut an opening in this false bottom and
fasten a plastic jar that has holes int it.
When you fill the container with your potting soil, fill this
first, then the rest of the container. This will act as a wick
to draw up water. I put a length of tubing (hose or whatever)
through the false bottom so it extends out the top for easy
access. Drill an overflow hole in the bucket about a half inch
or so below the false bottom. Then when adding water through
the tube, if you add too much, it will drain out. This method
allows the plants to draw water as needed.
I have successfully grown regular tomatoes, cherry tomatoes, a
variety of peppers (green bell, hot peppers) in these. They
are spread about on my deck as my arthritis prevents me from
the old style of garden. I'm very pleased with the results.
____________________________________________________
Lullabye to an elephant
____________________________________________________
John had given Judi one of those new fangled electric
coffee makers for an anniversary present. Within a week
she was taking it back to the store.
The lady at the return counter asked her if it worked.
"Oh sure, it makes a great cup of coffee. Just like the
booklet said, I plug it in, set the timer, go on to bed, and,
when I get up, the coffee's ready!"
"So, ma'am, what's wrong with it?"
"I don't want to have to go to bed every time I want to make
a pot of coffee."
___________________________________________________
Seven materials that may change our lives forever.
One cold and rainy day, a French tourist in Scotland decided
to find out if the natives were as tight as he had heard. He
stopped at a farm cottage, told the farmer's wife he was
freezing to death, and was invited to come in and warm himself
at the hearth. Once inside the house, he complained of being
thirsty. The woman handed him an enormous white crockery mug
filled with milk. After taking a big swig, the guest
exclaimed, "This is sweet and fresh ... you are most
generous!"
She replied modestly, "It's nothing. My family wouldn't drink
that milk because we found a dead rat in it."
Sick to his stomach, the Frenchman clapped both hands over
his mouth, allowing the huge mug to fall to the floor and
shatter on the stone floor.
The Scotswoman grabbed her broom, raised it high in the air,
brought it down on the visitor's head, and hollered, "Get out,
you ungrateful pig! I take you in my home, I let you share my
fire, I give you milk to drink ... and now you repay my
kindness by breaking the children's potty chair!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________
Thanks to Dianne, who used to have a trucking company,
for this story:
Truck driving in 1962
Back about 1962 when I had just started driving tank
trucks, me and my instructor each drove separate trucks.
One night as we were returning to our delivery area, we
were hauling road oil, we stopped for coffee at an
old truck stop along old route 66 in south central Illinois.
As we drank our coffee outside the restaurant, two guys
came along with a large male raccoon. My instructor asked
what they were going to with it and they said "we don't know"
My buddy asked them:"Do you want to see something funny?"
They said sure, so my buddy gets an old gym bag out of his
truck, dumps his stuff out of it, borrows a pair of gloves
and stuffs that mad raccoon into the bag and zips it shut.
The next move was to take the bag set it alongside the main
highway and run back to the station parking lot.
Just as planned, an old turquoise Plaza Plymouth screeches
to a stop, a long arm reaches out and snags the bag.
Off they go with a cloud of blue smoke following them.
About the time the car gets to sixty, more blue smoke from
sliding tires, the doors fly open and everybody bails out
and they are looking back.
Pretty soon that nasty raccoon comes ambling out of the car,
and everybody in the parking lot is on the ground laughing.
Well worth the loss of an old gym bag.
Today, on June 9, in
1064 Coimbra, Portugal fell to Ferdinand, the King of Castile.
1534 Jacques Cartier became the first to sail into the river
he named Saint Lawrence.
1790 John Barry copyrighted "Philadelphia Spelling Book." It
was the first American book to be copyrighted.
1790 Civil war broke out in Martinique.
1860 The Ms. Ann Stevens book "Malaeska, the Indian Wife of
the White Hunter" was offered for sale for a dime. It was the
first published "dime novel."
1923 Bulgaria's government was overthrown by the military.
1931 Robert H. Goddard patented a rocket-fueled aircraft
design.
1934 Donald Duck made his debut in the Silly Symphonies
cartoon "The Wise Little Hen."
1940 Norway surrendered to the Nazis during World War II.
1943 The withholding tax on payrolls was authorized by the
U.S. Congress.
1945 Japanese Premier Kantaro Suzuki declared that Japan would
fight to the last rather than accept unconditional surrender.
1959 The first ballistic missile carrying submarine, the USS
George Washington, was launched.
1978 Leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day
Saints struck down a 148-year-old policy of excluding black
men from the Mormon priesthood.
1980 Richard Pryor was severely burned by a "free-base"
mixture that exploded. He was hospitalized more than two
months.
1985 Thomas Sutherland, an American educator, was kidnapped in
Lebanon. He was not released until November 1991.
1986 The Rogers Commission released a report on the Challenger
disaster. The report explained that the spacecraft blew up as
a result of a failure in a solid rocket booster joint.
2000 Canada and the United States signed a border security
agreement. The agreement called for the establishment of a
border-enforcement team.
2000 The U.S. House of Representatives voted to repeal gift
and estate taxes. The bill called for the taxes to be phased
out over 10 years.
2001 Patrick Roy (Colorado Avalanche) became the first
National Hockey League (NHL) player to win three Conn Smythe
Trophies. The award is given to the playoff's Most Valuable
Player.
2011 The world's first artificial organ transplant was
performed. It was an artificial windpipe coated with stem
cells.
2017 smiled.
Thursday, June 8, 2017, 10:25 AM Posted by Administrator
<B></B>
Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, June 8
It was time to replace the battery in my watch. That used to
be no problem. I used to just go to Walmart, buy the battery
and flirt the lady into changing it for me.
Well, times have changed. Watch batteries now are $6.27, and
there are signs there that the staff won't change the
batteries for you.
It's actually quite easy if you have good sight or a
magnifying glass or sheet. More in the tech support pits.
Have Fun!
Dearwebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Drug Dealer Brags Over Live Stream About His Cash
Just As Cops Bust In And Raid His Home.
Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, June 8 in
0452 Italy was invaded by Attila the Hun.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work,
ask him: 'Whose?'
--- Don Marquis (1878 - 1937)
Ours is the age that is proud of machines that think
and suspicious of men who try to.
--- H. Mumford Jones (1892 - 1980)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
A news story said the police caught a guy trying to cash a
phony check and took him down to the station. While the
officers were distracted, the crook grabbed the check off the
desk and swallowed it.
No problem: the police waited five or six hours and then
charged the guy with passing a bad check.
Twice.
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
had lost weight over the past few years,
and was heaving items from the wardrobe, that no longer fit,
into a box that a boyscout held for a charity drive.
"Wow," Text-End said, "I must have worn these when I
was 195."
The boyscout looked puzzled, then asked,
"How old are you now?"
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
Reported by the Bausell Sailor:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Breon Hollings,
22,
Jacksonville,
Florida
Drug Dealer Brags Over Live Stream About His Cash
Just As Cops Bust In And Raid His Home
Breon Hollings started a Facebook Live stream to show off all
of his drug money. What he didn’t expect was that the police
were already outside with a search warrant, and they were
coming in (video below.)
22-year-old Breon Hollings can be seen counting money in a
Facebook Live video and repeatedly exclaiming, “This
[expletive] don’t stop, man,” for about a minute before he
hears deputies on a loudspeaker outside his home.
As Hollings runs out of the room, deputies can be heard in the
background shouting, “This is Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office.
We have a search warrant.” This is followed by a series of
loud noises, which neighbors told Fox 30 were smoke grenades
thrown into the house.
Hollings was arrested and charged with possession of a
controlled substance, possession of cocaine and possession of
paraphernalia for the manufacture or delivery of drugs.
Hollings has a long criminal history in Duval County,
including previous drug charges, court and Jackson Sheriff’s
Office records show.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Me
Re: Change watch battery
Dear Webby
How to change a watch battery
For many years I used to go to Walmart, buy a watch battery,
and flirt the lady there to install it for me.
Now they raised the price of watch batteries and have signs
there that they won't install watch batteries.
Well, that is a nuissance, but not really a big deal.
Here is how you change a watch battery:
You need a sharp small screwdriver, the old-fashioned flat
balde type, and, depending on your eyesight, a magnifying
glass or magnifying sheet.
Lay the watch face down on the table or clamp it into a toy or
craft vise.
Take the screwdriver or a knife and pry up the back.
You will be surprised how easily it comes up. Since usually
your wrist presses it in, it does not have to be glued or
screwed in.
Once the back plate is off, you will see the battery.
Check with the magnifying glass to read the number and compare
with the one you bought.
If they are the same, look for the + sign.
If you see a + sign, then the new battery has to be in there
the same way, with the + sign on top.
Now take your little screwdriver or a tooth pick and lift out
the old battery. Toss it, so that there is no chance of a mix-
up.
Now push in the new batter so that the + faces in the same
direction.
Finally, put the back plate back on, push it in as far as it
goes, and check if it is on straight.
If it is on straight, put a book on it and whack the book with
a fist or elbow.
Done.
That's all there is to it.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
The preacher spent his whole sermon relating the evils of
sin and how all men are sinners with no exceptions.
At the end of the sermon he asked rhetorically, "Now does
anyone here think they are without sin?"
He had only to wait a few seconds before a man in one of
the back pews stood up.
The pastor asked the man who had the audacity to stand
after such a fiery sermon, "Sir, do you really think you are
completely without sin?"
The man quickly answered, "No sir, I'm not standing up for
myself, but for my wife's first husband."
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Marigolds to Control Bugs on Your Tomato Plants
By poehere [41 Posts, 50 Comments]
The marigold flower is the best way to control bugs on your
tomato plants. The roots of the flower control the bugs in the
soil and the flower will protect your plants from bug
infestation. When you plant your tomato plants in the ground,
surround them with marigold flowers.
The flowers are easily grown from seeds or you can gather your
own seeds from the dried flowers. Once the flowers have died
pick them and pull them apart. Inside each flower is a lot of
grain.
The flowers will self germinate. During heavy winds or rains
the dead flowers will lose their seeds. The seeds are spread
around the garden and will grow again. Therefore, its only
necessary to buy one or two packages of marigold seeds for
your garden. You can recover your flower seeds each year and
store them in an air tight container in your refrigerator.
This preserves the seeds for 8 months to 1 year.
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
At a Wal-Mart in Grand Rapids, Michigan, a man stole a pair
of Backroad Blues brand blue jeans.
He took the jeans into the dressing room, took off his old
ones, cut the tags off the new ones, and left his old jeans
and the tags from the new ones in the dressing room while he
walked out of the store.
He was arrested the next day.
The new jeans were on sale for $9.92.
His old jeans had $15 and a printed out letter to him that
included his AOL address, in a pocket.
___________________________________________________
A bizarre street in New Zealand.
Margie received a bill from the hospital for her recent
surgery, and was astonished to see a $900 fee for the
anesthesiologist. She called his office to demand an
explanation.
"Is this some kind of mistake?" Margie asked when she
got the doctor on the phone.
"No, not at all," the doctor said calmly.
"Well," said Margie, "that's awfully costly for knocking
someone out."
"Not at all," replied the doctor. "I knock you out for free.
The 900 dollars is for bringing you back around."
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________
Thanks to Roland for this one:
I ain't much for shopping,
Or for goin' into town
Except at cattle-shipping time,
I ain't too easily found.
But the day came when I had to go -
I left the kids with Ma.
But 'fore I left, she asked me,
"Would you pick me up a bra?"
So without thinkin' I said, "Sure,"
How tough could that job be?
An' I bent down and kissed her
An' said, "I'll be back by three."
Well, I done the things I needed,
But I started to regret
Ever offering to buy that thing -
I worked me up a sweat
I walked into the ladies shop
My hat pulled over my eyes,
I didn't want to take a chance
On bein' recognized.
I walked up to the sales clerk -
I didn't hem or haw -
I told that lady right straight out,
"I'm here to buy a bra."
>From behind I heard some snickers,
So I turned around to see
Every woman in that store
Was a'gawkin' right at me!
"What kind would you be looking for?"
Well, I just scratched my head.
I'd only seen one kind before,
"Thought bras was bras," I said.
She gave me a disgusted look,
"Well sir, that's where you're wrong.
Follow me," I heard her say,
Like a dog, I tagged along.
She took me down this alley
Where bras was on display.
I thought my jaw would hit the floor
When I saw that lingerie.
They had all these different styles
That I'd never seen before
I thought I'd go plumb crazy
'fore I left that women's store.
They had bras you wear for eighteen hours
And bras that cross your heart.
There was bras that lift and separate,
And that was just the start.
They had bras that made you feel
Like you ain't wearing one at all,
And bras that you can train in
When you start off when you're small.
Well, I finally made my mind up -
Picked a black and lacy one -
I told the lady, "Bag it up,"
And figured I was done.
But then she asked me for the size
I didn't hesitate
I knew that measurement by heart,
"A six-and-seven-eighths."
"Six and seven eighths you say?
That really isn't right."
"Oh, yes ma'am! I'm real positive -
I measured them last night!"
I thought that she'd go into shock,
Musta took her by surprise
When I told her that my wife's bust
Was the same as my hat size.
"That's what I used to measure with,
I figured it was fair,
But if I'm wrong, I'm sorry ma'am."
This drew another stare.
By now a crowd had gathered
And they all was crackin' up
When the lady asked to see my hat,
To measure for the cup.
When she finally had it figured,
I gave the gal her pay.
Then I turned to leave the store,
Tipped my hat and said, "Good day."
My wife had heard the story
'fore I ever made it home.
She'd talked to fifteen women
Who called her on the phone.
She was still a-laughin'
But by then I didn't care.
Now she don't ask and I don't shop
For women's underwear.
Today, on June 8, in
0452 Italy was invaded by Attila the Hun.
0793 The Vikings raided the Northumbrian coast of England.
1786 In New York City, commercially manufactured ice cream was
advertised for the first time.
1790 The first loan for the U.S. was repaid. The Temporary
Loan of 1789 was negotiated and secured on September 18, 1789
by Alexander Hamilton.
1866 Prussia annexed the region of Holstein.
1869 Ives W. McGaffey received a U.S. patent for the suction
vacuum cleaner.
1872 The penny postcard was authorized by the U.S. Congress.
1904 U.S. Marines landed in Tangiers, Morocco, to protect U.S.
citizens.
1915 U.S. Secretary of State William Jennings Bryan resigned
in a disagreement over U.S. handling of the sinking of the
Lusitania.
1934 The Cincinnati Reds became the first Major League team to
use an airplane to travel from one city to another. They flew
from Cincinnati to Chicago.
1953 The U.S. Supreme Court outlawed segregated restaurants in
Washington, DC.
1965 U.S. troops in South Vietnam were given orders to begin
fighting offensively.
1967 Israeli airplanes attacked the USS Liberty in the
Mediterranean during the 6-Day War between Israel and its Arab
neighbors. 34 U.S. Navy crewmen were killed. Israel later
called the incident a tragic mistake due to the mis-
identification of the ship. The U.S. has never publicly
investigated the incident.
1969 U.S. President Richard Nixon met with President Thieu of
South Vietnam to tell him 25,000 U.S. troops would pull out by
August.
1978 A jury in Clark County, Nevada, ruled that the "Mormon
will," was a forgery. The work was supposedly written by
Howard Hughes.
1982 U.S. President Reagan became the first American chief
executive to address a joint session of the British
Parliament.
1987 Fawn Hill began testifying in the Iran-Contra hearings.
She said that she had helped to shred some documents.
1991 A victory parade was held in Washington, DC, to honor
veterans of the Persian Gulf War.
1994 The warring factions in Bosnia agreed to a one-month
cease-fire.
1995 U.S. Air Force pilot Captain Scott O'Grady was rescued by
U.S. Marines after surviving alone in Bosnia after his F-16
fighter was shot down on June 2.
1996 China set off an underground nuclear test blast.
1998 In the U.S., the FTC brought an antitrust complaint
against Intel Corp., alleging its policies punished other
developers of microprocessor chips.
1998 Honda agreed to pay $17.1 million for disconnecting anti-
pollution devices in 1.6 million cars.
1998 The space shuttle Discovery pulled away from Mir, ending
America's three-year partnership with Russia.
2000 The Dallas Stars and the New Jersey Devils played the
NHL's longest scoreless game in Stanley Cup finals history.
The fifth game of the series lasted 106 minutes and 21
seconds. The game ended with a goal by Mike Madano that
allowed the Stars to play a game six back in Dallas.
2001 Marc Chagall's painting "Study for 'Over Vitebsk" was
stolen from the Jewish Museum in New York City. The 8x10
painting was valued at about $1 million. A group called the
International Committee for Art and Peace later announced that
they would return the painting after the Israelis and
Palestinians made peace.
2004 Nate Olive and Sarah Jones began the first known
continuous hike of the 1,800-mile trail down the U.S. Pacific
Coast. They completed the trek at the U.S.-Mexico border on
September 28.
2017 smiled.
Wednesday, June 7, 2017, 08:16 AM Posted by Administrator
<B></B>
Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, June 7
A telemarketer gave me a good laugh today.
I was a bit distracted because I was reading an email at the
time, so instead of putting her on (permanent) hold, I said:
"I don't have a phone, send me an email."
She apologized as I was hanging up.
If she did send an email, Mailwasher washed it.
Have Fun!
Dearwebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Body of Illinois man, who failed to pay tab and
jumped in Fox River, has been recovered
Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, June 7 in
1494 Spain and Portugal divided the new lands they
had discovered between themselves.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Nothing can be so amusingly arrogant as a young man who has
just discovered an old idea and thinks it is his own.
--- Sidney J. Harris
Why is it that our memory is good enough to retain the least
triviality that happens to us, and yet not good enough to
recollect how often we have told it to the same person?
--- Francois de La Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
>From Bill:
I was taking a ground school class for private pilots.
During the session on weather, the instructor wanted
to discuss the concept of sublimation, the act of going
from a gas to a solid, skipping the intermediate liquid
stage. He gave as an example water vapor
in the air icing on a windshield overnight to form ice.
Wanting to see if the class had understood the concept,
the instructor asked if anyone could provide an example
of something that went straight from a solid to a gas.
He was expecting "dry ice'' as the answer.
One of the students blurted out, "Burritos."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
When I was discussing fund drives of universities with
a few friends, one told this story:
"I graduated from a private school that I didn't like much.
Once I was outta there, I had no particular desire to ever
contribute to their latest fund drive or future athletic
events.
"Sure enough, a few years ago Alumni Affairs staff called
my folks, got my current number and tracked me down.
'So, what have you been doing with yourself?' some perky
alumnus asked.
"I responded, 'Oh, not a lot. Just stealing cars, running
moonshine and selling a bit of dope on the side.'
"They've never called back."
______________________________________________________
South Haven, MI, onLake MI
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
Reported by the Bausell Sailor:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Ernest Prentic,
29,
Carpentersville,
Illinois
Body of Illinois man, who failed to pay tab and
jumped in Fox River, has been recovered
A man who jumped into the Fox River after allegedly skipping
out on a restaurant tab in a northwest Illinois suburb has
been found dead.
Algonquin police said in a statement that the body of 29-year-
old Ernest Prentic of Carpentersville was discovered in the
river around 6:30 p.m. Friday.
Police were called about 9:20 p.m. Thursday to Nero’s
Restaurant in Algonquin after reports that a man later
identified as Prentic had run out without paying his tab. A
fisherman saw him leap into the river. Dive teams searched the
area until midnight and resumed their search Friday morning.
Prentic’s body has been turned over to the Kane County
coroner’s office.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Priss
Re: Which ISP for DSL
Dear Webby
About the harping on ISP's---I have always been an
earthlink customer and have been very satisfied but I
am thinking of getting DSL---with Southwestern Bell---
What is your opinion on this?
Thanks Priss
Dear Priss
Southwestern's DSL seems to be OK, like most companies'
DSL.
Check out what Earthlink can offer you in your area.
Quite often they act as a re-seller or work through local
DSL and are actually cheaper. That way you could stay
with them and would not have to change any addresses.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
A lady lost her handbag at the mall.
found it
and returned it to her.
Looking in her purse, she said, "Hmm, that's funny. When I
lost my bag, there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty
$1 bills."
replied, "That IS funny.
The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have any
change for a reward."
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Recipe: Ham Stir Fried Rice
A voice on the bank loudspeaker announced: "We will be
testing the speaker system to make sure it will work pro-
perly in case of emergency."
My confidence in this safety precaution faded when the
voice added: "If you are unable to hear this announcement,
please contact the main office."
____________________________________________________
talking baby
____________________________________________________
Thanks to David for this one:
(He's not worried that his mother will read his submission.
She's not on the net, because she is afraid she might miss
a call from him)
Phone rings.
JEWISH MOTHER picks up the phone and answers)
Jewish Mother
Hello?
Daughter
Hi Mom. Can I leave the kids with you tonight?
Jewish Mother
You're going out?
Daughter
Yes.
Jewish Mother
With whom?
Daughter
With a friend.
Jewish Mother
I don't know why you left your husband. He is such a
good man.
Daughter
I didn't leave him. He left me!
Jewish Mother
You let him leave you, and now you go out with
anybodies and nobodies.
Daughter
I do not go out with anybody. Can I bring over the kids?
Jewish Mother
I never left you to go out with anybody except your father.
Daughter
There are lots of things that you did and I don't.
Jewish Mother
What are you hinting at?
Daughter
Nothing. I just want to know if I can bring the kids over
tonight.
Jewish Mother
You're going to stay the night with him? What will your
husband say if he finds out?
Daughter
My EX husband. I don't think he would be bothered.
From the day he left me, he probably never slept alone!
Jewish Mother
So you're going to sleep over at this loser's place?
Daughter
He's not a loser.
Jewish Mother
A man who goes out with a divorced woman with
children is a loser and a parasite.
Daughter
I don't want to argue. Should I bring over the kids or not?
Jewish Mother
Poor children with such a mother.
Daughter
Such a what?
Jewish Mother
With no stability. No wonder your husband left you.
Daughter
ENOUGH !!!
Jewish Mother
Don't scream at me. You probably scream at this loser too!
Daughter
Now you're worried about the loser?
Jewish Mother
Ah, so you see he's a loser. I spotted him immediately.
Daughter
Goodbye, mother.
Jewish Mother
Wait! Don't hang up! When are you bringing them over?
Daughter
I'm not bringing them over! I'm not going out!
Jewish Mother
If you never go out, how do you expect to meet anyone?
Daughter
I am going to become a Catholic and look for a Catholic man
with a Catholic mother!
___________________________________________________
Mesmerizing weather photography and the music goes so perfect with the storms.
>Thanks to Martin for a little ecumenical information -
Four Religious Truths
1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's chosen people.
2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of
the Christian World.
4. Baptists do not recognize each other at Hooters.
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________
A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. The
doctor gave him a thorough examination, found
absolutely nothing physically wrong with him,
and then told him,
"Listen, if you ever expect to cure your insomnia,
you just have to stop taking your troubles to bed with you."
"I know," said the man, "but I can't. She will divorce me
if I don't.
Today, on June 7, in
1494 Spain and Portugal divided the new lands they had
discovered between themselves.
1498 Christopher Columbus left on his third voyage of
exploration.
1546 Peace of Ardes ended the war between France and England.
1654 Louis XIV was crowned king of France.
1712 The Pennsylvania Assembly banned the importation of
slaves.
1775 The United Colonies changed their name to the United
States.
1776 Richard Henry Lee of Virginia proposed to the Continental
Congress a resolution calling for a Declaration of
Independence.
1863 Mexico City was captured by French troops.
1892 J.F. Palmer patented the cord bicycle tire.
1900 Boxer rebels cut the rail links between Peking and
Tientsin in China.
1903 Professor Pierre Curie revealed the discovery of
Polonium.
1929 The sovereign state of Vatican City came into existence
as copies of the Lateran Treaty were exchanged in Rome.
1932 Over 7,000 war veterans marched on Washington, DC,
demanding their bonuses.
1935 Pierre Laval received emergency powers to save the franc.
1937 The cover of "LIFE" magazine showed the latest in campus
fashions of the times, which included saddle shoes.
1939 King George VI and his wife, Queen Elizabeth, arrived in
the U.S. It was the first visit to the U.S. by a reigning
British monarch.
1942 The Battle of Midway ended. The sea and air battle lasted
4 days. Japan lost four carriers, a cruiser, and 292 aircraft,
and suffered 2,500 casualties. The U.S. lost the Yorktown, the
destroyer USS Hammann, 145 aircraft, and suffered 307
casualties.
1942 Japan landed troops on the islands of Attu and Kiska in
the Aleutians. The U.S. invaded and recaptured the Alutians
one year later.
1944 Off of the coast of Normandy, France, the Susan B.
Anthony sank. All 2,689 people aboard survived.
1948 The Communists completed their takeover of
Czechoslovakia.
1955 "The $64,000 Question" premiered.
1966 Sony Corporation unveiled its brand new consumer home
videotape recorder. The black and white only unit sold for
$995.
1965 In the U.S., the Gemini 4 mission was completed. The
mission featured the first spacewalk by an American.
1968 In Operation Swift Saber, U.S. Marines swept an area 10
miles northwest of Danang in South Vietnam.
1968 Legoland Billund opend in Billund, Denmark. It was the
original Legoland park.
1981 Israeli F-16 fighter-bombers destroyed Iraq’s only
nuclear reactor.
1983 The U.S. ordered Nicaragua to close all six of its
consulates and informed 21 Nicaraguan consular officials that
they could not longer remain in the U.S.
1994 The United States District Court for the Eastern District
of Virginia declared the RMS Titanic, Inc. (RMST) salvor-in-
possession of the wreck and the wreck site of the RMS Titanic.
2000 U.S. Federal Judge Thomas Penfield Jackson ordered the
breakup of Microsoft Corporation. They appealed.
2017 smiled.
Tuesday, June 6, 2017, 08:09 AM Posted by Administrator
<B></B>
Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, June 6
Have Fun!
Dearwebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida teacher got caught having sex with
student in the back seat of her car.
Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, June 6 in
1944 The D-Day invasion of Europe took place on the beaches of
Normandy, France. 400,000 Allied Canadian, American, and
British troops were involved.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk.
--- Thomas A. Edison (1847 - 1931)
Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those
in touch with it.
--- Jane Wagner
With ogling, the fine line between a complimenting,
appreciative glance and an obnoxious stare is
not measured in seconds, but depends on the mood
of the ogled person.
--- Socratex
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Although we were being married in New Hampshire,
I wanted to add a touch of my home state, Kansas, to the
wedding. My fiancee, explaining this to a friend, said that
we were planning to have wheat rather than rice thrown
after the ceremony.
Our friend thought for a moment. Then he said solemnly,
"It's a good thing she's not from Idaho."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Another reader wrote to talk about her trip to the dentist.
She had her youngest daughter, 3 year old Paige, sitting in
the waiting room with her while Paige's older sister was in
with the dentist. Paige was keeping herself busy playing with
the toys in the waiting room until she noticed her mom was
resting -- her eyes closed.
With about six other patients waiting, Paige marched right up
to her mother, looked her straight in the face, and shook her
shoulder. "Mommy! Wake up! This is not CHURCH!"
______________________________________________________
Amazing what some people will do to be able to find
their car in the mall parking lot !
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
Reported by the Bausell Sailor:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Saul Nunez,
19,
Bronx,
NY
19-Year-Old Arrested In Unprovoked Beating Of
90-Year-Old Man
The suspect in Friday's brutal cane attack on a 90-year-old
man in Inwood was arrested last night, the NYPD announced.
According to police, 19-year-old Saul Nunez of the Bronx was
taken into custody last night and charged with two counts of
assault and one count of criminal possession of a weapon by a
felon for allegedly striking a 90-year-old man in the head
with a cane on Friday night.
The 90-year-old man, identified as Juan Llorens, is a bottle
collector known around the block where the attack happened
according to CBS. Llorens told a reporter with the channel
that the attack left him deaf in one ear, and that he had no
idea who Nunez was before Nunez assaulted him.
"Everyone knows him as like the grandfather," a witness told
CBS. "If something happens, I’m not going to let this guy get
attacked."
The Post had further background on Llorens, who was a former
history teacher in Cuba before emigrating to the United
States, where he worked as a butcher in Harlem. Llorens also
told the paper about the attack, telling a reporter “They hit
me with a big bat. I don’t know who it was. He was young and
skinny. He just kept beating me...I don’t understand how
someone can just attack someone like that. This is someone who
is very dangerous."
ABC7 had a pair of surveillance videos of the attack, one that
showed a different angle of the assault and its aftermath as
witnesses aided the victim and another that showed a bystander
chase the suspect while another person on the sidewalk took a
wild swing at the fleeing perp.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Sunny
Re: Date for web page
Dear Webby
How do I put a live date onto my web page? I don't want to
use one of those silly clocks, just a simple display that
shows date and time. Anything I can find on Google was written
by guys, who have too much time on their hands and are too
confusing for me, and most of them don't even work! You
probably have a simpler and better answer.
Thanks
Sunny
Dear Sunny
Paste this where you want the date to show
<.script type="text/JavaScript">
document.write(Date()+".")
<./script>
That produces:
You will have to delete the period after the <
I only put that there so that the code shows OK
in your email.
If you want a very brief date like this to use in text,
use this:
<.script>
var d = new Date();
document.getElementById("demo2").innerHTML = d.toDateString();
<./script>
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Late one Friday night after a big soccer game the policemen
spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of
Dublin. They pulled the man over and asked him if he had been
drinking that evening.
"Aye, so I have. The team won, you know, so me and the lads
stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. And then
there was something called "Happy Hour" and they served
these margaritas, which are quite good. I had four or five o'
those. Then I had to drive me friend Mike home and O' course
I had to go in for a couple of Guinness - couldn't be rude,
ye
know. Then I stopped on the way home to get another bottle
for later.."
The man fumbled around in his coat until he located his bottle
of whiskey, which he proudly held up for inspection. The
officer sighed, and said,
"Sir, I'm afraid I'll need you to step out of the car and take
a Breathalyzer test."
The man said, "Why? Don't ye believe me?!?"
The cop replied: "I do believe ya, Paddy. But after ya fall
flat on yer drunken mug, it's a lot easier to put the
handcuffs on ya."
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Recipe: Ham Stir Fried Rice
By R Barbara [159 Posts, 80 Comments]
Total Time: 1 hour
Yield: approximately 8 cups
Ingredients:
1 cup chopped ham
1 medium onion, chopped
1 cup sliced carrots
1 cup frozen peas
1 cup frozen green beans, cut into 1-2 inches pieces
10 mushrooms, sliced
3 eggs, scrambled
4 cups cooked rice, I used brown Basmati
2-3 Tbsp oil, I used sesame
soy sauce
Steps:
Chop ham and onions. Slice carrots.
Add 1+ tablespoons of oil to skillet and fry the meat and
veggies until they are tender, crisp. Remove and set aside.
Add rice to skillet and fry, add additional oil as needed.
Scramble eggs and pour into skillet, cook and mix throughout
rice.
Add ham, carrots, and onions back to skillet.
Add peas, beans, and mushrooms. Mix well. Add soy sauce to
taste. Continue stirring until the veggies are hot and tender
crisp.
Serve.
____________________________________________________
military planes in action
____________________________________________________
A young couple met with their pastor to set a date for their
wedding. When he asked whether they preferred a
contemporary or a traditional service, they opted for the
contemporary.
On the big day, a major storm forced the groom to take an
alternate route to the church. The streets were flooded, so
he rolled up his pants legs to keep his trousers dry.
When he finally reached the church, his best man rushed him
into the sanctuary and up to the altar, just as the ceremony
was starting.
"Pull down your pants," whispered the pastor.
"Uh, Reverend, I've changed my mind," the groom responded.
"I think I would prefer the traditional service."
___________________________________________________
People are awesome for the month of May 2017.
Howard County Police officers still write their reports by
hand, and the data is entered later by a computer tech into
their database. One theft report stated that a farmer had
lost 2,025 pigs. Thinking that to be an error, the tech
called the farmer directly.
"Is it true Mr. (Smith) that you lost 2,025 pigs?" she
asked.
"Yeth." lisped the farmer.
Being a Howard County girl herself, the tech entered:
"Subject lost 2 sows and 25 pigs."
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________
Patient: Doctor, what I need is something to stir me up;
something to put me in a fighting mood. Did you put
something like that in this prescription?
Doctor: No need for that. You will find that in your bill.
Today, on June 6, in
1674 Sivaji crowned himself King of India.
1813 The U.S. invasion of Canada was halted at Stony Creek,
Ontario.
1882 The electric iron was patented by H.W. Seely.
1924 The German Reichtag accepted the Dawes Plan. It was an
American plan to help Germany pay off its war debts, pay the
Allies for what they had spent on going to Europe and
defeating the Germans.
1925 Chrysler Corporation was founded by Walter Percy
Chrysler.
1932 In the U.S., the first federal tax on gasoline went into
effect. It was a penny per gallon.
1933 In Camden, NJ, the first drive-in movie theater opened.
1936 The first helicopter was tested in a building in Berlin,
Germany.
1941 The U.S. government authorized the seizure of foreign
ships in U.S. ports.
1942 The first nylon parachute jump was made by Adeline Gray
in Hartford, CT.
1942 Japanese forces retreated in the World War II Battle of
Midway. The battle had begun on June 4.
1944 The D-Day invasion of Europe took place on the beaches of
Normandy, France. 400,000 Allied Canadian, American, and
British troops were involved.
1982 Israel invaded southern Lebanon in an effort to drive PLO
guerrillas out of Beirut.
1985 The body of Nazi war criminal Dr. Josef Mengele was
located and exhumed near Sao Paolo, Brazil. Mengele was known
as the "Angel of Death."
1985 The U.S. Senate authorized nonmilitary aid to the
Contras. The vote authorized $38 million over two years.
1993 Mongolia held its first direct presidential elections.
2005 The United States Supreme Court ruled that federal
authorities could prosecute sick people who smoke marijuana on
doctor's orders. The ruling concluded that state medical
marijuana laws did not protect uses from the federal ban on
the drug.
2017 smiled.
Monday, June 5, 2017, 08:44 AM Posted by Administrator
<B></B>
Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, June 5
Have Fun!
Dearwebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida teacher got caught having sex with
student in the back seat of her car.
Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, June 5 in
1752 Benjamin Franklin flew a kite for the first time to
demonstrate that lightning was a form of electricity.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
It is not enough to aim; you must hit.
--- Italian Proverb
When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.
--- Hunter S. Thompson (1939 - 2005)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
>From Donny, the cleanest version of this ancient joke:
Ole is a farmer in Minnesota. He needs a new milk cow, and
hears about one for sale over in Nordakota. (That would be
North Dakota for you non-Scandahoovians out der.)
He drives to Nordakota, finds the farm and looks at the cow.
He reaches under to see if she gives milk. When he grabs the
tit and pulls, the cow farts.
Ole is surprised. He looks at the farmer selling the cow, then
reaches under the cow to try again.
He grabs another tit, pulls, and the cow farts again. Milk
does come out however, so after some discussion, Ole buys the
cow and takes her home.
He gets back to Minnesota, and calls over his neighbor Jimmy
Mooney, and says, "Jimmy, come look at dis ere new cow I yust
bought. Pull her tit, and see vat happens."
So Jimmy reaches under, pulls the tit - and the cow farts.
Jimmy looks at Ole and sez, "You bought dis here cow in
Nordakota, din'tyah?"
Ole is surprised since he hadn't told Jimmy about his trip.
Ole replies, "Yah, dats right. But how'd yah now?"
Jimmy says, "My wife is from Nordakota."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
My husband went on a sudden business trip, and I
accompanied him. It soon became apparent that he
could not wrap things up in one day, so his employer
put us up for the night in a luxury hotel. We found a
convenience store and purchased toothbrushes, a
razor and other necessary items.
Finally we entered the lobby of the hotel, each of us
toting a brown paper bag filled with supplies. The
hotel manager looked us over.
Raising an eyebrow, he intoned haughtily,
"Matching luggage?"
______________________________________________________
>from Fausto Casaccia from "We Love Lighthouses"
Brittany la vieille - raz de sein - finistère
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
Reported by the Bausell Sailor:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Police Cought Florida Drama Teacher Having
Sex With Student in Back of Car
Pamela Stigger,
33,
Tamarac,
Florida
A drama teacher in Tamarac, Florida was caught by the police
having sex with her 15-year-old student in the back of a car,
according to the Miami Herald after local residents complained
about an illegally parked car obstructing traffic and nobody
in the front seats.
Pamela Stigger, 33, claimed she was only trying to mentor
him, after police found her at 2 a.m. Thursday, moments
after she had engaged in sexual acts with a 15-year-old boy in
the back of a car.
2 am mentoring in the back seat?
The arrest report said the Sheriff's office found the teenager
nude from the waist down and that he told the deputies he had
sex with Stigger.
According to a Sheriff's office spokesperson: When [Stigger]
was questioned about what they were doing and if they had, in
fact, engaged in sexual acts, she denied being engaged in
these sexual acts, despite the fact that the young man was
undressed. Considering that they were in the BACKseat with
pants down, that did not fly.
She also tried to claim the student tried to seduce her first,
before changing her story to flat out denial.
Stigger is facing two charges of sexual battery and one
count of lewd conduct with a minor.
She was the student's drama teacher at Forest Glen Middle
School last year and holds a custodial relationship over
him.
Stigger who has worked for the school since 2008, has been put
on administratively reassigned duties away from the school,
and will not be permitted access to students.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Sandra
Re: Why PDF?
Dear Webby
Why are people using PDF for e-books?
It makes it impossible to copy just a few paragraphs
or chapters. How do you get around that?
Sandra
Dear Sandra
The main reason why authors use PDF is to protect their
hard work from copy-cats like you, who want to steal their
work and claim it as their own.
The second reason is that PDF makes a book look
and print the same no matter what kind of computer
the reader uses.
The third reason is that it puts everything, text and
pictures into a nice, neat package without the need
for lots of lose files.
If you just want to copy a paragraph to paste up on your
fridge, use a graphics program and do a screen capture,
size and crop it the way you want it, and then print it.
You can import PDF into Office Libre and some other
programs.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
An older couple had a son, who was still living with his
parents. The parents were a little worried, as the son was
still unable to decide about his future career, so they
decided to do a small test.
They took a ten-dollar bill, a Bible, and a bottle of whiskey,
and put them on the front hall table... then they hid,
pretending they were not at home.
The father's plan was: "If our son takes the money, he
will be a businessman, if he takes the bible, he will be
a priest - but if he takes the bottle of whiskey, I'm afraid
our son will be a drunkard."
So the parents hid in the nearby closet and waited
nervously.
Peeping through the keyhole they saw their son arrive.
The son saw the note they had left. Then, he took the
10-dollar bill, looked at it against the light, and slid it
in his pocket.
After that, he took the Bible, flicked through it, and
took it.
Finally he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took an
appreciative whiff to be assured of the quality ... then
he left for his room, carrying all three items.
The father slapped his forehead, and said:
"Darn, it's even worse than I could ever have imagined... "
"What's this mean!?" his wife asked quizzically.
"I'm afraid our son's going to be a politician!"
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Growing Chamomile
By EllenB [810 Posts, 1 Comment]
Description:
Chamomile has dainty, daisy-like white flowers with yellow
centers set on top of thin stems of feathery green leaves. It
comes in creeping or trailing varieties, and seldom grows to
more than 12 inches high. Flowers of the creeping varieties
contain properties sought after in the herb garden and give
off a lovely, apple-like scent.
Life Cycle:
hardy perennial
Exposure:
full sun or partial shade
Cultivation:
Chamomile isn't fussy about the soil it grows in and adapts
well to poor conditions. Sow seeds in a sunny location in the
spring and once established, plants will readily reseed and
spread themselves all over your garden. The plants look
straggly when planted on their own and look better in large
groups or "drifts".
Propagation:
division or seeds
Parts Used:
flowers
Harvesting and Storage:
Use a scissors to clip flowers from stems just as they fully
open. Spread them out on racks or in shallow pans to dry, and
store in an airtight container away from direct sunlight.
Medicinal Uses:
insomnia, digestive relief, and mouthwash
Culinary Uses:
teas, German Chamomile can be added to sour cream to top
potatoes
Other Uses:
hair care, skin care, wreaths, dried flowers, potpourri, and
perennial gardens
Camomile is a very hardy weed and will grow nicely in the
center of rural roads even in the Yukon. Once it is firmly
established your "Tea Farm" will spread on it's own.
Nothing to worry about with lawn. It does not like getting
mowed. You can harvest it all you want, just don't ever mow
it.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
____________________________________________________
Tire Jump
____________________________________________________
Clerk in flower shop: "Sorry, we don't have potted
geraniums. Could you use African violets?"
Customer (sadly): "No, it was geraniums my wife
told me to water while she was gone."
___________________________________________________
People are awesome for the month of May 2017.
A tourist walks into a curio shop in San Francisco. Looking
around at the exotica, he notices a very lifelike, life-sized
bronze statue of a rat. It has no price tag, but is so
striking he decides he must have it.
He took it to the owner: "How much for the bronze rat?"
"Twelve dollars for the rat, one hundred dollars for the
story," said the owner.
The tourist gave the man twelve dollars. "I'll just take the
rat, you can keep the story."
As he walked down the street carrying his bronze rat, he
noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the alleys
and sewers and began following him down the street.
This was disconcerting; he began walking faster. But
within a couple blocks, the herd of rats behind him had
grown to hundreds, and they began squealing.
He began to trot toward the Bay, looking around to see
that the rats now numbered in the MILLIONS, and were
squealing and coming toward him faster and faster.
Concerned, even scared, he ran to the edge of the Bay
and threw the bronze rat as far out into the Bay as he
could. Amazingly, the millions of rats all jumped into the
Bay after it, and were all drowned.
The man walked back to the curio shop. "Ah ha,"
said the owner, "You have come back for the story?"
"No," said the man, "I came back to see if you have a
bronze politician?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
"Young man," the mother sternly addressed her son,
"there were three cookies in the pantry this morning.
May I ask how it happens that there is only one now?"
"It was dark so I didn't notice the last one."
Today, on June 5, in
1595 Henry IV's army defeated the Spanish at the Battle of
Fontaine-Francaise.
1752 Benjamin Franklin flew a kite for the first time to
demonstrate that lightning was a form of electricity.
1794 The U.S. Congress prohibited citizens from serving in any
foreign armed forces.
1827 Athens fell to the Ottomans.
1851 Harriet Beecher Stow published the first installment of
"Uncle Tom's Cabin" in "The National Era."
1865 The first safe deposit vault was opened in New York. The
charge was $1.50 a year for every $1,000 that was stored.
1917 American men began volunteering for the World War I
draft.
1924 Ernst F. W. Alexanderson transmitted the first facsimile
message across the Atlantic Ocean.
1933 President Roosevelt signed the bill that took the U.S.
off of the gold standard.
1940 During World War II, the Battle of France began when
Germany began an offensive in Southern France.
1942 In France, Pierre Laval congratulated French volunteers
that were fighting in the U.S.S.R. with Germans.
1944 The first B-29 bombing raid hit the Japanese rail line in
Bangkok, Thailand.
1946 The first medical sponges were offered for sale in
Detroit, MI.
1947 U.S. Secretary of State George C. Marshall gave a speech
at Harvard University in which he outlined the Marshall Plan.
1956 Premier Nikita Khrushchev denounced Josef Stalin to the
Soviet Communist Party Congress.
1967 The National Hockey League (NHL) awarded three new
franchises. The Minnesota North Stars (later the Dallas
Stars), the California Golden Seals (no longer in existence)
and the Los Angeles Kings.
1967 The Six Day War between Israel and Egypt, Syria and
Jordan began when they attacked israel.
1975 Egypt reopened the Suez Canal to international shipping,
eight years after it was closed because of the 1967 war with
Israel.
1981 In the U.S., the Center for Disease Control and
Prevention reported that five men in Los Angeles were
suffering from a rare pneumonia found in patients with
weakened immune systems. They were the first recognized cases
of what later became known as AIDS.
1986 A federal jury in Baltimore convicted Ronald W. Pelton of
selling secrets to the Soviet Union. Pelton was sentenced to
three life prison terms plus 10 years.
1998 A strike began at a General Motors Corp. parts factory
near Detroit, MI, that closed five assembly plants and idled
workers across the U.S. for seven weeks.
1998 Volkswagen AG won approval to buy Rolls-Royce Motor Cars
for $700 million, outbidding BMW's $554 million offer.
2001 Amazon.com announced that it would begin selling personal
computers later in the year.
2004 The U.S.S. Jimmy Carter was christened in the U.S. Navy
in Groton, CT.
2017 smiled.
Sunday, June 4, 2017, 10:40 AM Posted by Administrator
<B></B>
Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, June 4
Have Fun!
Dearwebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Harlem man shot and killed Pensylvania man at
kindergarten graduation party
Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, June 4 in
1783 A hot-air balloon was demonstrated by Joseph and
Jacques Montgolfier. It reached a height of 1,500 feet.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
All power corrupts, but we need the electricity.
--- Socratex
A good friend can tell you what is the matter with you in
a minute. He may not seem such a good friend after telling.
--- Arthur Brisbane
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
>From Brianna
My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to
tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I
fished it out and threw it in the garbage.
Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my
bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and
said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one
out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
>From Betty
This was written by a black guy in Texas.....so funny.....
what a great sense of humor and creativity!!!
When I born, I black, when I grow up, I black, when I go
in sun, I black, when I cold, I black, when I scared, I
black, when I sick, I black, and when I die, I still black.
You white folks....when you born, you pink, when you grow
up, you white, when you go in sun, you red, when you cold,
you blue, when you scared, you yellow, when you sick,
you green, when you bruised, you purple,
and when you die, you gray.
So who you are callin' colored folk's ???
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
Reported by the Bausell Sailor:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Tremaine Jamison,
27,
Harlem,
New York
Harlem man shot and killed Pensylvania man at
kindergarten graduation party
Police say a New York City man fatally shot a Pennsylvania man
who was hosting a kindergarten graduation party for his son
and several other children.
Witnesses tell state police that a fight or rough play between
the victim's 6-year-old son and another 6-year-old led to an
argument between adults that ended when 27-year-old Tremaine
Jamison shot 29-year-old Devon Brown in the head.
The party and shooting happened Wednesday evening at the
Marion Terrace Apartments in Hanover Township, Luzerne County.
That's near Wilkes-Barre, about 20 miles (32.2 kilometers)
southwest of Scranton.
Online court records show troopers have charged Jamison with
criminal homicide and possessing a prohibited weapon by a
felon. Police say Jamison lives in the Harlem section of New
York City and police were continuing to search for him Friday.
Jamison has previously been arrested for narcotics possession
in New York City. He also served time for robbery.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Enjo
Re: Why are the blacklists listing me?
Dear Webby
I dont spam, but I have a formal newsletter that, just like
yours, jumps through all the hoops, but now I am blocked by
Yahoo and all their fake fronts like SBCglobal, ATT.net, etc.
Why is that?
Enjo
Dear Enjo
Most likely that is due to bouncing, and not your newsletter.
When somebody sends spam to you with a fake name before the
@,
then traditionally that is bounced back to the sender.
Nowadays that is used to load down a server and break down the
defenses. A hacker generates countless spams that have for
example your name mis-spelled in the TO line, and a business
or government address forged in as the sender.
So your server bounces those phony mails to that business or
Government server. When the hackers use a whole network of
infected home computers to send a Million phony mails like
that, the bounces overwhelm the victims server.
The formal name for that is "Backscatter".
If your server bounces mails like that, it gets put into some
blacklists.
`Not all, but some of the blacklists demand $100 or more to
take you off their blacklist. Quite a racket!
The trick is to NOT get onto those blacklists in the first
place. Set your server to never send bounces. Also, turn off
all autoresponders.
Some of the Blacklists send out entrapment mails. If that
entrapment mail bounces back to their trap, your server is
blacklisted and Yahoo blocks mail from your server.
So, stop all traditional bouncing from your server.
It`s just another hoop you have to jump through nowadays.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Thanks to Dianne for this classic:
Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor
of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into
other people's business. Several members did not
approve of her extra-curricular activities, but feared
her enough to maintain their silence.
She made a mistake, however, when she accused George,
the plumber, a new member, of being an alcoholic after
she saw his pickup parked in front of the town's only bar
one afternoon.
She emphatically told George and several others that
everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing.
George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment
and just turned and walked away. He didn't explain,
defend, or deny. He said nothing.
Later that evening, George and his crew of plumbers
apprentices quietly parked their pickup trucks in front of
Mildred's house............. and left them there all night.
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Microwave Corn on the Cob
By Jackie H. [230 Posts, 109 Comments]
You will never boil corn on the cob again. This is easy, and
the tastiest, sweetest corn ever. You are not boiling all the
flavor out of corn.
You can cook 1 or up to 4 at a time. The time may vary with
how many you are cooking. 4 minutes in the Microwave, turning
over at 2:00 minutes. Add 1 minute for add'l ears of corn.
Follow examples in pictures. Being cautious of hot corn when
it comes out of the Microwave. Using Mitts or pot holders is
wise.
Total Time: 4:00 minutes for 1 ear of corn, add'l 1 per ear.
Yield: As many as you wish to cook.
Source: Online for Microwave cooking!
Steps:
Start by removing old dark husks that are loose only.
With a large sharp knife, cut of stump and about 1/4 inch into
the corn.
Cut away the loose silk and dead husks at the top.
Rinse well in cold water.
Put Corn wrapped in wet paper towel in Microwave
Cook on high for 4:00 minutes, turning over after 2:00
minutes. Carefully removing from Microwave with Mitts or pot
holders.
With a Paper towel, just squeeze the thin end of the corn and
your corn should come sliding out with no husks or silk.
Keep squeezing until corn falls out neat & clean
Ready to eat, Hot, sweet and delicious.
And then there is the bachelor way:
Rinse the cobs
Toss the cobs into the microwave
Nuke them for 4 minutes
Cut off the fat end at the largest point
Grab the hairy end with an oven mitt and squeeze.
IF you cut the fat end at the largest point,
the corn will slide out without any silk.
Until you get the hang of cutting at the largest point,
you may have to re-cut a bit. Most corn is very fussy about
that.
If you cut it right, it slides out with minimal effort.
Butter it a bit, sprinkle salt and pepper on it, and enjoy!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Holy Mother Hear My Prayer - Clapton & Pavarotti
____________________________________________________
Two college seniors with an exam the next day had
decided to party the night away instead of study. So, when
they went to the test the next morning, they explained to
the professor that their car had a flat tire the night
before and they needed a bit more time to study.
The professor gave them another day, so that evening the
boys crammed all night until they were sure that they knew
just about everything.
Arriving to class the following morning, each boy was told
to go into separate classrooms to take the exam. They
shrugged and went into their respective rooms. As each
sat down, they read the first question: "For 5 points,
explain the contents of an atom."
At this point, they both thought the exam was going to be
a piece of cake and answered the question with ease.
Then, the test continued:
"For 95 points, tell me which tire it was."
___________________________________________________
I'll bet this smells divine.
Thanks to Kati for this story:
Have you ever told a white lie?
Alice was to bake a cake for the ladies' bridge group bake
sale, but she forgot to do it until the last minute.
She baked an angel food cake and when she took it from the
oven, the center had dropped flat.
She said, "Oh dear, there's no time to bake another cake."
So, she looked around the house for something to build up
the center of the cake.
Alice found it in the bathroom ... a roll of toilet paper.
She plunked it in and covered it with icing.
The finished product looked beautiful, so she rushed it to
the sale. Before she left the house, Alice had given her
daughter some money and specific instructions to be at
the bake sale the minute it opened, and to buy that cake
and bring it home.
When the daughter arrived at the sale, the attractive cake
had already been sold.
Alice was beside herself.
The next day, Alice was invited to a friend's home where
two tables of bridge were to be played that afternoon.
After the game, a fancy lunch was served, and to top it off,
the cake in question was presented for dessert.
Alice saw the cake, she started to get out of her chair to
rush into the kitchen to tell her hostess all about it, but
before she could get to her feet, one of the other ladies
said, "What a beautiful cake!"
Alice sat back in her chair and almost wet herself when
she heard the hostess say ..
"Thank you, I baked it myself."
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Here is a real Classic from a long time ago:
COSTELLO BUYS A COMPUTER
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm
thinking about
buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the
windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and
software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to
write
proposals track expenses and run my business. What do you
have?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's
just say I'm
sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do
I need?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start
with some
straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have
anything I can
track my money?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
(A few days later)
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT: Click on "START"....
Today, on June 4
1615 The fortress of Osaka, Japan, fell to shogun Ieyasu after
a six month siege.
1647 The British army seized King Charles I and held him as a
hostage.
1674 Horse racing was prohibited in Massachusetts.
1783 A hot-air balloon was demonstrated by Joseph and Jacques
Montgolfier. It reached a height of 1,500 feet.
1784 Marie Thible became the first woman to fly in a hot-air
balloon. The flight was 45 minutes long and reached a height
of 8,500 feet.
1792 Captain George Vancouver claimed Puget Sound for Britain.
1794 British troops captured Port-au-Prince, Haiti.
1805 Tripoli was forced to conclude peace with U.S. after the
Marines defeated them.
1812 The Louisiana Territory had its name changed to the
Missouri Territory.
1816 The Washington was launched at Wheeling, WV. It was the
first stately, double-decker steamboat.
1878 Turkey turned Cyprus over to Britain.
1896 Henry Ford made a successful test drive of his new car in
Detroit, MI. The vehicle was called a "Quadricycle."
1911 Gold was discovered in Alaska's Indian Creek.
1918 French and American troops halted Germany's offensive at
Chateau-Thierry, France.
1919 The U.S. Senate passed the Women's Suffrage bill.
1924 An eternal light was dedicated at Madison Square in New
York City in memory of all New York soldiers who died in World
War I.
1931 The first rocket-glider flight was made by William Swan
in Atlantic City, NJ.
1935 "Invisible" glass was patented by Gerald Brown and Edward
Pollard.
1939 The first shopping cart was introduced by Sylvan Goldman
in Oklahoma City, OK. It was actually a folding chair that had
been mounted on wheels.
1940 The British completed the evacuation of 300,000 troops at
Dunkirk, France after a failed invasion attempt.
1942 The Battle of Midway began. It was the first major
victory for America over Japan during World War II. The battle
ended on June 6 and ended Japanese expansion in the Pacific.
1943 In Argentina, Juan Peron took part in the military coup
that overthrew Ramon S. Castillo.
1944 The U-505 became the first enemy submarine captured by
the U.S. Navy.
1944 During World War II, the U.S. Fifth Army entered Rome,
which began the liberation of the Italian capital.
1946 Juan Peron was installed as Argentina's president.
1947 The House of Representatives approved the Taft-Hartley
Act. The legislation allowed the President of the United
States to intervene in labor disputes.
1954 French Premier Joseph Laniel and Vietnamese Premier Buu
Loc initialed treaties in Paris giving "complete independence"
to Vietnam.
1960 The Taiwan island of Quemoy was hit by 500 artillery
shells fired from the coast of Communist China.
1974 The Cleveland Indians had "Ten Cent Beer Night". Due to
the drunken and unruly fans the Indians forfeited to the Texas
Rangers.
1974 Sally Murphy became the first woman to qualify as an
aviator with the U.S. Army.
1985 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld a lower court ruling
striking down an Alabama law that provided for a daily minute
of silence in public schools.
1986 Jonathan Jay Pollard, a former Navy intelligence analyst,
pled guilty in Washington to spying for Israel. He was
sentenced to life in prison.
1986 The California Supreme Court approved a law that limited
the liability of manufacturers and other wealthy defendants.
It was known as the "deep pockets law."
1989 In Beijing, Chinese army troops stormed Tiananmen Square
to crush the pro-democracy movement. It is believed that
hundreds, possibly thousands, of demonstrators were killed.
2003 The U.S. House of Representatives passed a bill that
would ban "partial birth" abortions with a 282-139 vote.
2003 Amazon.com announced that it had received more than 1
million orders for the book "Harry Potter and the Order of the
Phoenix." The released date was planned for June 21.
2008 The United Kingdom and Canada became the first countries
to be able to buy and rent films at the iTunes Store.
2017 smiled.
Saturday, June 3, 2017, 10:21 AM Posted by Administrator
<B></B>
Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, June 3
Have Fun!
Dearwebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Utah Mom Locked Kids In Car Trunk
To Shop At Walmart
Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, June 3 in
1098 Christian Crusaders of the First Crusade
seized Antioch, Turkey.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.
-- Abraham Lincoln
To see what is in front of one's nose needs a
constant struggle.
--- George Orwell (1903 - 1950)
One thing you will probably remember well is any time you
forgive and forget.
--- Franklin P. Jones
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Two friends rented a boat and went fishing in a lake. The
first day, they caught 30 fish. As they were preparing to go
into shore, one man said to the other, "Let's mark this spot
so we can come here again tomorrow."
The next day, when they were driving to rent the boat, the
same guy said, "Did you mark that spot?"
His friend replied, "Yeah, I put a big 'X' on the bottom of
the boat."
The first one said, "That was dumb! What if we don't get the
same boat today?"
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
came home from school and mentioned
evolution. Dad hit the roof and started screaming that
evolution was nonsense.
"You migt have descended from an ape!" he yelled,
"But I sure didn't!"
-----------
Actually, that is a joke my dad told at the kitchen table
about 60 years ago.
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
Reported by the Bausell Sailor:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Tori Castillo,
39,
Riverdale,
Utah
Utah Mom Locked Kids In Car Trunk
To Shop At Walmart
A Utah mom faces child abuse charges after she allegedly
locked her two kids in the trunk of a car and went shopping at
Walmart.
Tori Castillo was arrested and booked into jail Thursday,
according to a police news release obtained by Gephardt Daily.
She has been charged with four counts of child abuse involving
physical injury and one of retail theft, according to the
Weber County Sheriff's Office.
Riverdale police arrived at a Walmart Thursday for a report of
child neglect, according to the news release. A witness told
them that a woman had locked children in a car's trunk.
Several people heard noise coming from inside the trunk. The
kids, ages two and five, were "moving frantically," "causing
the vehicle to shake."
Charity Maw heard them pounding against the wall, she told
Good4Utah. “The little girl’s voice, just screaming, 'let me
out! I’m scared,'” Maw said.
“I was shocked, I was shaken, and I was mad.”
Shopper Heidi, who didn't want her last name used, told Fox 13
she told the girl how to open the trunk’s emergency latch. The
two sweaty children jumped out right away.
While they waited for police to get there, the mother came
back from the store, Heidi told Fox 13.
"The only explanation she had was, 'My babysitter didn't show
up.'"
Police say the children were released to their father,
according to Good4Utah. The state's Department of Child and
Family Services is also investigating.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Marian
Re: Spam complaints from Juno
Dear Webby
I run a legitimate newsletter but now and then my web host
forwards me spam complaints from Juno. They don't take
them serious, and they say they just forward them for my
amusement, but should I be concerned?
How do you deal with situations like that?
Marian
Dear Marian
The cause of those complaints is some JUNO user clicking
on their "This is spam" button to put your newsletter on
vacation-hold, so that it does not fill up their mailbox while
they are away.
The "techs" at JUNO's mail department don't check, they
blindly malfunction and send out spam complaints.
Just send them a letter telling them that they are a bunch of
incompetent idiots. You can be as abusive as you want,
since the apes there can't read anyway. As long as
something comes back, the matter is settled. It seems
that their complaints are just a klutzy way of checking if
the stuff was sent by a spam machine, or by a human.
A spam machine ignores them, a human tells them they
are a bunch of %$& @#$%s.
Just make sure they don't think you are a spam machine '-)
Actually, I have not seen any complaints from there in a
while. Maybe they are slowly smartening up?
Don't automate your reply to them! That will get you blocked
by the Blacklists and your newsletter will really be in
trouble!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to
each other outside the operating room.
The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"
The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and
I'm a little nervous."
The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had
that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you
wake up they give you lots of Jell-o and ice cream. It's a
breeze."
The second kid then asks, "What are you
here for?"
The first kid says, "A circumcision."
"Whoa!", the second kid replies. "Good luck buddy. I had that
done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year."
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Cleaning Fingernails After Gardening
By ShirleyE [161 Posts, 103 Comments]
Even if you wear gardening gloves your hands and fingernails
get ingrained with dirt that is hard to remove.
So, before you put your gloves on, scratch a dampened bar of
soap. Don't worry if the soap falls out of your nails as you
do your gardening, there will still be enough soapiness under
them to make this work.
When you clean your hands later, simply add a little more soap
to your nailbrush and the dirt will easily wash away.
Most soils are alkaline so just as an extra measure to
counteract this and to help prevent your skin and nails
becoming dry course and brittle, add a little vinegar, lemon
juice or other acidic foodstuff to a bowl of water for a final
rinse.
when you try to pour water over Hoover Dam
____________________________________________________
While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate
agent which direction was north because, he explained, he
didn't want the sun waking him up every morning.
She asked, "Does the sun rise in the North?"
When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east,
(and has done so for a few Million years), she shook her
head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff."
___________________________________________________
I'll bet this smells divine.
Thanks to Martin for this one:
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the
Director,
"What is the criterion that defines a patient to be
institutionalized?"
"Well..." said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, and
offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient
and ask them to empty the bathtub."
1. Would you use the spoon?
2. Would you use the teacup?
3. Would you use the bucket?
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person
would choose the bucket as it is larger than the spoon
or the teacup."
The answer:
"Noooooo," said the Director. "A normal person would pull the
plug".
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Alternative Names For Cubicles
Soul-Sucking Pod o' Death
Tomb of the Unknown Bureaucrat
Slack-In-The-Box
Headquarters, Jodie Foster Fan Club
Peon Palazzo
Yuppie Terrarium
The SnackFood Triangle
English Majors Entry Point
Luxury Manhattan Apartment.
Picasso's Folly
Porn Downloading Headquarters
Fortress of Servitude
Fartorium
Keyboard test lab
Wraparound Turbo Demoralizer 2017
Today, on June 3
1098 Christian Crusaders of the First Crusade seized Antioch,
Turkey.
1539 Hernando De Soto claimed Florida for Spain.
1621 The Dutch West India Company received a charter for New
Netherlands (now known as New York).
1784 The U.S. Congress formally created the United States Army
to replace the disbanded Continental Army. On June 14, 1775,
the Second Continental Congress had created the Continental
Army for purposes of common defense and this event is
considered to be the birth of the United States Army.
1800 John Adams moved to Washington, DC. He was the first
President to live in what later became the capital of the
United States.
1805 A peace treaty between the U.S. and Tripoli was completed
in the captain's cabin on board the USS Constitution.
1851 The New York Knickerbockers became the first baseball
team to wear uniforms.
1856 Cullen Whipple patented the screw machine.
1888 "Casey at the Bat" the poem by Ernest Lawrence Thayer was
first published.
1918 The Finnish Parliament ratified its treaty with Germany.
1923 In Italy, Benito Mussolini granted women the right to
vote.
1932 Lou Gehrig set a major league baseball record when he hit
four consecutive home runs.
1937 The Duke of Windsor, who had abdicated the British
throne, married Wallis Warfield Simpson.
1938 The German Reich voted to confiscate so-called
"degenerate art" (modern art).
1952 A rebellion by North Korean prisoners in the Koje prison
camp in South Korea was put down by American troops.
1965 Edward White became the first American astronaut to do a
"space walk" when he left the Gemini 4 capsule.
1970 Har Gobind Khorana and colleagues announced the first
synthesis of a gene from chemical components.
1989 Chinese army troops positioned themselves to begin a
sweep of Beijing to crush student-led pro-democracy
demonstrations in Tiananmen Square.
1999 Slobodan Milosevic's government accepted an international
peace plan concerning Kosovo. NATO announced that airstrikes
would continue until 40,000 Serb forces were withdrawn from
Kosovo.
2017 smiled.
Friday, June 2, 2017, 11:10 AM Posted by Administrator
<B></B>
Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, June 2
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Thanks Joseph!!
Have Fun!
Dearwebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman arrested with meth in bra,
told cop she bought it at yard sale.
Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, June 2 in
1774 The Quartering Act, which required American
colonists to allow British soldiers into their
houses, was reenacted.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
The word 'meaningful' when used today is nearly always
meaningless.
--- Paul Johnson
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
>From Wendy
Brenda, pregnant with her first child, was paying a visit to
her obstetrician's office. When the exam was over, she shyly
began, "My husband wants me to ask you..."
"I know, I know." the doctor said, placing a reassuring hand
on her shoulder, "I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine
until late in the pregnancy."
"No, that's not it at all," Brenda confessed. "He wants to
know if I can still mow the lawn."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
>From Noella
Every member of the Mensa organization has an IQ in the top 2
percent and has to pass a difficult test of logic and
reasoning to be admitted.
A few years ago, there was a Mensa convention in San
Francisco, and several members ate dinner at a local café.
While dining, they discovered that their salt shaker contained
pepper and their pepper shaker contained salt. How could they
swap the contents of the bottles without spilling them, using
only the implements at hand? Clearly this was a job for these
Mensa members.
The group debated and presented ideas and finally came up with
a brilliant solution involving a napkin, a straw, and an empty
saucer. They called the waitress over to dazzle her with their
solution.
"Miss," they said, "we couldn't help but notice that the
pepper shaker contains salt and the salt shaker—"
"Oh," the waitress interrupted. "Sorry about that." She
unscrewed the caps of both bottles and switched them.
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
Reported by the Bausell Sailor:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Christina Sarao,
35,
Vero Beach,
Florida
Florida woman arrested with meth in bra,
told cop she bought it at yard sale.
Christina Sarao, 35, got pulled over in front of a home for
not wearing a seat belt, but when the deputy asked for her ID
she got out of her truck and started running, TC Palm reports.
Sarao initially told the deputy her name was Holly Smith and
her ID was inside her grandmother’s home, but the deputy
recognized her since he “had prior interactions with her,”
according to TC Palm.
Once the deputy caught Sarao she allegedly yelled to him “I
have to poop and I’m pregnant!” the arrest report states. She
later admitted to the deputy that she wasn’t pregnant and the
home she parked at was not her grandmother’s, according to TC
Palm.
When the deputy searched Sarah he found meth and a pipe in her
bra, which she told the deputy she bought at a yard sale down
the street, according to TC Palm.
Sarao was taken to the Indian River County jail on charges of
driving with a suspended license, possession of
methamphetamine, giving a false name while detained, and
resisting arrest, TC Palm Reports.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Britta
Re: What is the best microphone type?
Dear Webby
I know you answered this last year, but I didn't save it.
What type of microphone is best ? Stationary, cheek,
front boom, or lapel?
Britta
Dear Britta
Voice quality is usually best with a cheek or side boom,
but if they are just hanging on one ear, they are a real
nuisance.
Second best voice quality is with a lapel mike, a real
lapel mike made for that purpose, not any other mike
pinned to your front.
Stationary microphones are excellent, if you are in a
sound booth and wearing a DJ's neck brace. If you
look to the side at a wall calendar, your voice fades,
yet the microphone will pick up a fan in the next room.
Amplified directional mikes overcome those problems,
because they allow you to be farther away and have a
wider focus.
Front boom mikes can be absolute worst, especially
if an amateur positions the microphone right in front of
the mouth and terrorizes the listeners with
"chicken-scratch", the harsh sounds produced by
"t"s "p"s and other "explosive" consonants recorded from
too close. Worst of all is when somebody holds the
microphone from a head set in their hand and waves
it in front of their mouth.
If you use a cheap front-boom mike, position it so that it
is at chin level, never at lip level ! Resist any pranksters
that want you to move it closer for more volume. If you
need more volume, go into the Windows Control Panel,
Sound Options, crank up the microphone volume and
select microphone boost.
With microphone boost set to ON, you can usually bend
a front boom to the side of your cheek, out of the line of
fire from the explosive consonants and still get plenty
of volume.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
>From Angie
I pulled into a crowded parking lot and rolled down the car
windows to make sure my Labrador retriever had fresh air.
She was stretched out on the back seat, and I wanted to
impress upon her that she must remain there. I walked to
the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying
emphatically, "Now you stay. Do you hear me? Stay!"
The driver of a nearby car gave me a startled look.
"I don't know about you," he said incredulously.
"But I usually just put my car in park."
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Gluten Free Strawberry Delight
By Litter Gitter [210 Posts, 673 Comments]
My daughter gave me the recipe to try. I made it gluten free
for my son's birthday. He and I both are allergic to wheat
gluten and this cake is a real treat for us. It's so good, we
made a pig of ourselves eating it.
Gluten Free Strawberry Delight
Strawberries are about to go out of season but you can leave
them off and just use the strawberry glaze and it is still
good. When I get my family together, this is what they want
for dessert.
Ingredients:
Gluten free Angel Food Cake*
8 oz cream cheese
1 cup confectioners' sugar
1 Tbsp milk
8 oz Cool Whip
1 pt whole fresh strawberries, halved.
16 oz package of strawberry glaze (found in the produce
section)
*This recipe calls for Angel Food Cake. For a delicious
homemade gluten free angel food cake, use my recipe posted on
Thrifty Fun. Gluten Free Angel Food Cake
Steps:
Let cream cheese sit out until it is soft.
Cut cake in half across to make two layers.
In mixing bowl, beat cream cheese, confectioners sugar and
milk until smooth. Spread between layers and stack on a cake
plate. Spread remaining mixture on top and around sides of
cake. Place in the refrigerator and chill for a couple of
hours or over night.
Frost cake all over with Cool Whip. Decorate with the
strawberries and drizzle with strawberry glaze.
Mother's Day Pic
____________________________________________________
The difference between a neurotic and a psychotic is that,
while a psychotic thinks that 2 + 2 = 5, a neurotic knows the
answer is 4, but it worries him.
___________________________________________________
There was a lot to learn to become a Stewardess in the sixties. Those ladies were not just eye candy!
A bride called to make a change to her wedding registry.
It is common, almost expected, that a bride will change
something on her registry at least once (dishes, color of
towels, sheets, bathroom items, etc.).
The Customer Service Representative told her
that J.C. Penney would be happy to make the change.
He asked if the bride wanted to change the dishes or the
linens.
The bride said, "No, keep all that. I just wanted to change
the name of the groom. The first one chickened out and I had
to get another one."
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
>From Paul
One semester when my brother, Peter, attended the
University of Minnesota in Minneapolis, an art-student
friend of his asked if he could paint Peter's portrait for
a class assignment. Peter agreed, and the art student
painted and submitted the portrait, only to receive a C
minus.
The art student approached the professor to ask why
the grade was so poor.
The teacher told him that the proportions in the painting
were incorrect.
"The head is too big," the professor explained. "The
neck is too thin, the shoulders are too wide, and the
feet are enormous. Nobody is THAT ugly. You did a
carricature. We do that next semster."
The next day, the art student brought Peter to see the
professor.
He took one look at my brother and said, "Okay, A minus."
Today, on June 2
1537 Pope Paul III banned the enslavement of Indians.
1774 The Quartering Act, which required American colonists to
allow British soldiers into their houses, was reenacted.
1793 Maximillian Robespierre initiated the "Reign of Terror".
It was an effort to purge those suspected of treason against
the French Republic.
1818 The British army defeated the Maratha alliance in Bombay,
India.
1835 P.T. Barnum launched his first traveling show. The main
attraction was Joice Heth. Heth was reputed to be the 161-
year-old nurse of George Washington.
1851 Maine became the first U.S. state to enact a law
prohibiting alcohol.
1883 The first baseball game under electric lights was played
in Fort Wayne, Indiana.
1896 Guglieimo Marconi's radio telegraphy device was patented
in Great Britain.
1897 Mark Twain, at age 61, was quoted by the New York Journal
as saying "the report of my death was an exaggeration." He was
responding to the rumors that he had died.
1910 Charles Stewart Roll became the first person to fly non-
stop and double cross the English Channel.
1924 All American Indians were granted U.S. citizenship by the
U.S. Congress.
1928 Nationalist Chiang Kai-shek captured Peking, China.
1930 Mrs. M. Niezes of Panama gave birth to the first baby to
be born on a ship while passing through the Panama Canal.
1933 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt accepted the first
swimming pool to be built inside the White House.
1946 Italians voted by referendum to form a republic instead
of a monarchy.
1953 Elizabeth was crowned queen of England at Westminster
Abbey.
1954 U.S. Senator Joseph McCarthy charged that there were
communists working in the CIA and atomic weapons plants.
1957 Soviet Premier Nikita Khrushchev was interviewed by CBS-
TV.
1966 Surveyor 1, the U.S. space probe, landed on the moon and
started sending photographs back to Earth of the Moon's
surface. It was the first soft landing on the Moon.
1969 The National Arts Center in Canada opened its doors to
the public.
1969 Australian aircraft carrier Melbourne sliced the
destroyer USS Frank E. Evans in half off the shore of South
Vietnam.
1979 Pope John Paul II arrived in his native Poland on the
first visit by a pope to a Communist country.
1985 The R.J. Reynolds Company proposed a major merger with
Nabisco that would create a $4.9 billion conglomerate.
1995 Captain Scott F. O'Grady's U.S. Air Force F-16C was shot
down by Bosnian Serbs. He was rescued six days later.
1998 Royal Caribbean Cruises agreed to pay $9 million to
settle charges of dumping waste at sea.
1998 Voters in California passed Proposition 227. The act
abolished the state's 30-year-old bilingual education program
by requiring that all children be taught in English.
1999 In South Africa, the African National Congress (ANC) won
a major victory. ANC leader Thabo Mbeki was to succeed Nelson
Mandela as the nation's president.
2003 In the U.S., federal regulators voted to allow companies
to buy more television stations and newspaper-broadcasting
combinations in the same city. The previous ownership
restrictions had not been altered since 1975.
2003 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that companies could not be
sued under a trademark law for using information in the public
domain without giving credit to the originator. The case had
originated with 20th Century Fox against suing Dastar Corp.
over their use of World War II footage.
2003 William Baily was reunited with two paintings he had left
on a subway platform. One of the works was an original Picasso
rendering of two male figures and a recreation of Picasso's
"Guernica" by Sophie Matisse. Sophie Matisse was the great-
granddaughter of Henri Matisse.
2017 smiled.
Thursday, June 1, 2017, 11:02 AM Posted by Administrator
<B></B>
Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, June 1
Have Fun!
Dearwebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Sex assault case comes to light after girl
caught watching porn in school
Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, June 1 in
1944 Siesta was abolished by the government
of Mexico.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
When you have the courage to tell the truth about what you're
really afraid of, fear doesn't have control over your life.
--- Ali Vincent
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
The minister gave his Sunday morning service, as usual, but
this particular Sunday, it was considerably longer than
normal.
Later, at the door, shaking hands with parishioners as they
moved out, one man said, "Your sermon, Pastor, was simply
wonderful - so invigorating and inspiring and refreshing."
The minister of course, broke out in a big smile, only to hear
the man say, "Boy, I felt like a new man when I woke up!"
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
If you consider that there has been an average of 160,000
troops in the Iraq theater of operations during the last 22
months, that gives a firearm death rate of
60 per 100,000.
The firearm death rate in Washington, DC is
80.6 per 100,000.
That means that you are 25% more likely to be shot and
killed in the US Capitol than if you are in Iraq.
That does not include other violent forms of death.
Conclusion: Pulling out of Washington, DC should be
given at least 25% higher priority than pulling out of Iraq.
(My numbers may need updating!)
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
Reported by the Bausell Sailor:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Anthony Garay,
31,
San Antonio,
Texas
Sex assault case comes to light after girl
caught watching porn in school
A Southwest Bexar County man is facing charges of continuous
sexual assault of a child after the case came to light in an
unusual way. The alleged victim, a nine-year-old girl, told it
all after she was caught watching pornography in school,
according to an arrest warrant affidavit.
Anthony Garay, 31, was arrested Tuesday as the result of an
investigation by the Bexar County Sheriff's Office.
The affidavit said a teacher confronted the girl May 17 after
she noticed her watching pornography on a school-issued iPad
the previous day.
The girl responded saying that a friend was helping her search
the internet for more information on what Garay had been
doing
to her, the affidavit said.
School officials reported the allegations to the sheriff's
office and investigators questioned the child.
The affidavit said that she told them Garay had been
performing sex acts on her since she was seven or eight years
old, and continued until that week. She also said that he had
done the same thing to her sister.
The court document also said that Garay had been under
investigation by Child Protective Services in the past
regarding allegations of sexual assault involving the same two
children. However, it did not disclose what the outcome of
that investigation was.
Garay`s father has been on the run since he was sentenced to
serve ten years for identical charges.
There was no mention of the girl`s parents. Maybe they are on
the run too.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Alene
Re: Web Mail or POP mail
Dear Webby
What is the difference between Web Mail and POP mail?
Alene
Dear Alene
Traditional POP mail is stored at your local dial-up or high
speed Internet provider and you pull it down to your
computer with an email program that sits on your computer.
Web Mail sits on a web server somewhere, often half a world
away from you, and you use a mail program that is on that
server to work on your mail. You save what you want to keep
onto your computer.
Web mail is more flexible and you can check your mail from
any cyber cafe or friends place or from work, without having
to install a mail program first.
Some people prefer good old POP style email, just like some
people prefer Diesel engines over Gasoline. Both types work
well, and it just a matter of personal preferences.
Some types of email providers use a mix of the two. For
example Gmail is basically a Web Mail, but you can set it in
the settings to act like POP mail and to forward the cleaned
mail to your POP address at your own domain or your local ISP.
Gmail is excellent for doing the rough primary spam cleaning
of your mail. What is then forwarded to your domain or ISP
based mail just needs just some final fine-tooth cleaning with
MailWasher.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Thanks to Dianne for these Out Of Office messages:
1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you
if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.
2. You are receiving this automatic notification because
I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't
have received anything at all.
3. I will be unable to delete all the emails you send
me until I return from holiday on 4 April.
Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the
order it was received.
4. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been
charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each
additional word in your message.
5. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server
connection and is unable to deliver this message.
Please restart your computer and try sending again.
(The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see
how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).
6. Thank you for your message, which has been added
to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place,
and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19
weeks.
7. I've run away to join a different circus.
8. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for
medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as '
Margaret' instead of 'Jay'.
9. I am currently out of the office. Well, not really.
But with the amount of mail I get, this is the only way
to deal with it. You can interprete my quick and timely
response to your question as a "Definite Maybe".
10. I am currently attending a midlle management seminar
on office safety. Come and join us! It's at Joe's Bar and
Grill down the street.
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
This is slightly cleaned up from Shakespearean days:
A well-dressed business man was walking down the street when
a rough-looking little kid stopped him and asked, "Sir, can
you tell me the time?"
The gentleman carefully unbuttoned his coat and jacket,
removed a large watch from a vest pocket, looked at it and
said, "It is a quarter to three, young man."
"Thanks," said the boy. "At exactly three o'clock you can
kiss my butt!"
With that, the kid took off running, and with an angry cry,
the outraged businessman started chasing him. He had not
been running long when an old friend stopped him.
"Why are you running to like a maniac?" asked the friend.
Gasping and almost incoherent with fury, the business man
said, "That little brat asked me the time and when I told
him it was quarter to three he told me that at exactly
three, I could kiss his butt!"
"So what's your hurry," said the friend, looking at his own
watch. "You still have twelve minutes."
Lemur wants to be petted
____________________________________________________
>From Mia
One day while driving with my 4-year-old daughter
I beeped the horn by mistake.
She turned and looked at me for an explanation.
I said, "I did that by accident."
She replied, "I know that,
'cause you didn't yell '@#$%^& BIMBO!' afterward!"
___________________________________________________
A very brave woman who is finally getting the recognition she deserves. Too bad she didn't get it while she was alive.
>From Brent
My girlfriend Tricia called me as she was driving to an
appointment. She arrived, and I could tell from her voice that
she was getting frustrated. Finally she said, "I know I had
my cell phone with me. And now I can't find it!"
I replied, "Aren't you talking on it!?"
There was a solid period of stunned silence as the reality
of the situation sank in - followed by, "I will murder you, if
you tell anybody about this!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A Pastor was called to a local nursing home to perform
a wedding.
An anxious old man met him at the door.
The pastor sat down to counsel the old man and asked
several questions. "Do you love her?"
The old man replied, "Nope."
"Is she a good Christian woman?"
"I don't know for sure," the old man answered.
"Does she have lots of money?" asked the pastor.
"I doubt it."
"Then why are you marrying her?" the preacher asked.
"Cause she can drive at night," the old man said.
Today, on June 1
1533 Anne Boleyn, Henry VIIIÆs new queen, was crowned.
1774 The British government ordered the Port of Boston closed.
That did not go over well at all.
1861 The first skirmish of the U.S. Civil War took place at
the Fairfax Court House, Virginia.
1869 Thomas Edison received a patent for his electric voting
machine. It was never used.
1877 U.S. troops were authorized to pursue bandits into
Mexico.
1892 The General Electric Company (GE) began operations after
the merging of the Edison General Electric and the Thomson-
Houston Electric companies.
1896 In Paris, France, the first recorded automobile theft
occurred. The Peugeot of Baron de Zuylen de Nyevelt was stolen
by his mechanic.
1915 Germany conducted the first zeppelin air raid over
England.
1916 The National Defense Act increased the strength of the
U.S. National Guard by 450,000 men.
1921 A race riot erupted in Tulsa, OKlahoma. 85 people were
killed.
1935 The Ingersoll-Waterbury Company reported that it had
produced 2.5 million Mickey Mouse watches during its 2-year
association with Disney.
1938 Baseball helmets were worn for the first time.
1939 The Douglas DC-4 made its first passenger flight from
Chicago to New York.
1941 The German Army completed the capture of Crete as the
Allied evacuation ended.
1942 The U.S. began sending Lend-Lease materials to the Soviet
Union.
1943 During World War II, Germans shot down a civilian flight
from Lisbon to London.
1944 The French resistance was warned by a coded message from
the British that the D-Day invasion was imminent.
1944 Siesta was abolished by the government of Mexico.
1954 In the Peanuts comic strip, Linus' security blanket made
its debut.
1958 Charles de Gaulle became the premier of France.
1958 IBM ended its design of machines that contained
electronic tubes.
1961 Radio listeners in New York, California, and Illinois
were introduced to FM multiplex stereo broadcasting. A year
later the FCC made this a standard.
1963 Governor George Wallace vowed to defy an injunction that
ordered the integration of the University of Alabama.
1970 Zimbabwe came into existence. It was formerly known as
Rhodesia.
1972 In Iraq, The Ba'athist government nationalized the
western-owned Iraq Petroleum Company and turned operations
over to the Iraq National Oil Company.
1977 The Soviet Union formally charged Jewish human rights
activist Anatoly Shcharansky with treason. He was imprisoned
until 1986.
1978 The U.S. reported the finding of wiretaps in the American
embassy in Moscow.
1979 In the U.S., the government-controlled ceiling on oil
prices ends. The control was phased out over 28 months.
1980 Cable News Network (CNN) made its debut as the first all-
news station.
1989 Disney World's "Typhoon Lagoon" opened.
1995 At Disneyland Paris, the attraction "Space Mountain: From
The Earth to the Moon" opened.
1998 In the U.S., the FDA approved a urine-only test for the
AIDS virus.
1998 A $124 million suit was brought against Goodyear Tire &
Rubber that alleged discrimination towards black workers.
1999 Merrill Lynch chairman David Komansky announced that the
firm would soon allow its customers to buy and sell stocks
over the Internet.
2008 The Phoenix Mars Lander became the first NASA spacecraft
to scoop Martian soil.
2009 General Motors filed for Chapter 11 Bankruptcy. The
filing made GM the largest U.S. industrial company to enter
bankruptcy protection.
2017 smiled.
Wednesday, May 31, 2017, 10:12 AM Posted by Administrator
<B></B>
Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, May 31
Have Fun!
Dearwebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Home invader arrested after elerly man knocks
her down and holds her until cops arrive,
after she had bloodied his wife with a club
Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, May 31 in
1977 The trans-Alaska oil pipeline was finished after
3 years of construction. It still works just fine.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Skill Without Imagination Is Craftsmanship And Gives Us
Many Useful Objects Such As Wickerwork Picnic Baskets.
Imagination Without Skill Gives Us Modern Art.
--- Tom Stoppard
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
A Couple Drove Down A Country Road For Several Miles,
Not Saying A Word.
An Earlier Discussion Had Led To An Argument And Neither
Of Them Wanted To Concede Their Position. As They Passed
A Barnyard Of Mules, Goats, And Pigs, The Husband Asked
Sarcastically, "Relatives Of Yours?"
"Yep," The Wife Replied, "In-Laws."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Thanks To Mary Fields For This Story:
This May Come As A Surprise To Those Of You Not Living In
Las Vegas But There Are More Catholic Churches There
Than Casinos.
Not Surprisingly, Some Worshippers At Sunday Services
Will Give Casino Chips Rather Than Cash When The Basket
Is Passed.
Since They Get Chips From So Many Different Casinos, The
Churches Have Devised A Method To Collect The Offerings.
The Churches Send All Their Collected Chips To A Nearby
Franciscan Monastery For Sorting And Then The Chips Are
Taken To The Casinos Of Origin And Cashed In.
This Is Done By The Chip Monk!
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Rehnu Singh,
50,
San Jose,
California
Home Invader Arrested After Elerly Man Knocks
Her Down And Holds Her Until Cops Arrive
After She Had Bloodied His Wife With A Club
An Elderly Man Who Said He Pleaded To No Avail For Help From
Bystanders Managed To Beat Back His Wife’S Alleged Assailant
Sunday Night, Holding Down The Suspect In Front Of His Home
Until Santa Clara County Sheriff’S Deputies Arrived And
Arrested Her.
Yousef Youkhaneh, 82, Told This News Organization That After
Wrestling With The Home Invader And Being Dragged Onto Mckee
Road In Front Of His Home, He Looked Up Only To See People
Slow Down Their Cars Not To Help, But To Take Photos Of The
Struggle, Then Drive On. No One Stopped To Give Him Aid, He
Said.
"I Said, "Call Police, Somebody Help Me! I Am Tired,"
Youkhaneh Recalled From His Backyard Monday Afternoon, Where
The Incident Began. "Nobody Did Anything."
After 10 Minutes, He Said, Santa Clara County Sheriff’S
Deputies Arrived To Arrest Rehnu Singh, A 50-Year-Old San Jose
Woman Already On Probation For Burglary. She Was Booked Into
Santa Clara County Jail For Investigation Of Elder Abuse,
Assault With A Deadly Weapon, Attempted Burglary And Probation
Violation, Said Sheriff’S Sgt. Richard Glennon.
Glennon Said Sheriff’S Deputies Had Been Called Around 5:50
P.M. In Response To An Apparent Assault Of A Woman By A Man In
The Street, But Soon Discovered Otherwise.
Youkhaneh Said He Was Inside His Home Going Over Paperwork
When He Heard His Wife Screaming For Help Outside The Door To
The Couple’S Backyard. He Rushed Out To See His 76-Year-Old
Wife Christina Youkhaneh With A Bloodied Head After Singh Had
Allegedly Hit Her With A Heavy Branch. The Gash Required Eight
Stitches.
Drops Of His Wife’S Blood Were Still Visible On The Back Door
And Pavement Monday As He Recalled Her Laying On The Ground,
Exhorting Him Not To Let Singh Get Away.
"She Had Tools In Her Hand And She Tried To Hit Me," Said The
Retired Auto Body Shop Owner, Showing Bite Marks Left On His
Hand From The Attack. "But I Didn’T Let Her Go."
As They Headed Out Along His Driveway That Leads Straight Into
Traffic, Youkhaneh Managed To Grab Singh’S Ankle. By The Time
They Got To The Sidewalk Bordering The Traffic, "I Fell Down
And She Fell Down," He Said, Lifting His Left Pant Leg To Show
His Skinned Knee. "But I Didn’T Let Her Go. I Held Onto Her
With All My Power."
Singh Screamed To Witnesses: "I Didn’T Do It; The Man Did
It!" Youkhaneh Said. He Looked Up And Saw People — Across The
Street, On The Sidewalk, And Many Slowing Down Their Cars To
Take Photos With Their Phones, And He Called For Help.
"Why Didt They Help?" He Asked Monday. "What Kind Of People
Is This Taking Pictures? Maybe Someday It Happens To Them."
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Yahoos
Re: Switch to regular font size
Dear Webby
How Do I Switch From Large To Regular Font?
Similar Messages From Various Yahoos.
Dear Yahoos
You Got The Regular Version.
Possibly You Turned The Mouse Scroll Wheel While Holding The
Ctrl Or Sgrg Key, Or Since This Affected Only Yahoos, Possibly
It Was Something Yahoo Did.
Just Use The Ctrl Key And The Scroll Wheel To
Zoom The Font To A Comfortable Size.
By The Way, Any Yahoos Or Hotmail Victims, If You Experience
Irregtularities With The Newsletter Delivery, Just Switch To A
More Respectable Address, Like For Example A Gmail Address.
You Don't Have To Give Up The Old A Ddress, Just Get The Gmail
Address On The Side.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Thanks To Cookie For The Rules She Lives By:
If A Motorist Cuts You Off, Just Turn The Other Cheek.
Nothing Gets The Message Across Like A Good Mooning.
Follow Your Dream! Unless It's The One Where You're At Work
In Your Underwear During A Fire Drill.
Don't Assume Malice For What Stupidity Can Explain.
(That's About Aol Tech Support)
One Good Turn Gets Most Of The Blankets.
Marriage Is The Triumph Of Imagination Over Intelligence.
Second Marriage Is The Triumph Of Hope Over Experience.
Before Marriage, A Man Yearns For The Woman He Loves.
After Marriage, The 'Y' Becomes Silent.
You Never Really Learn To Swear Until You Learn To Drive.
(The Corollary Is: You Never Learn To Pray Until Your Kids
Learn To Drive!)
A Man Usually Feels Better After A Few Winks,
Especially If She Winks Back.
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Ham and Cheese Popovers
By Lalala... [824 Posts, 106 Comments]
Ingredients:
1 Can Refrigerated Crescent Roll Dough (6 Crescents)
1 Cup Chopped Ham (I Used Black Forest Deli Ham)
1 Cup Cheddar Cheese, Shredded
Directions:
Preheat The Oven To 425 Degrees F. Spray Muffin Pan With A
Non-Stick Spray.
Unroll The Crescent Dough And Separate Them Along The Precut
Lines. Divide The Ham And Cheese Equally On To Each Crescent
Triangle.
Starting At The Wide End, Roll Up Each Crescent, Finishing At
The Pointy End. You Can Trim Off The Excess Dough On The End,
I Just Push It Down Into The Center Of The Roll.
Place The Popovers Into Prepared Muffin Pan And Bake For 10
Minutes Or Until Puffy And Golden Brown.
Servings:6
Prep Time:10 Minutes
Cooking Time:10 Minutes
Source: "Cook It In A Cup" Cookbook
Lemur wants to be petted
____________________________________________________
A Husband Read An Article To His Wife About How Many Words
Women Use A Day...
30,000 To A Man's 15,000.
The Wife Replied, "The Reason Has To Be Because We Have To
Repeat Everything To Men.
The Husband Then Turned To His Wife And Asked, "What?"
___________________________________________________
Let's arm chair travel today.
A Kleptomaniac Woman Had Been Caught Shoplifting In A
Supermarket And Had To Appear In Court, Taking Along Her
Long-Suffering Husband For Marital Support.
The Prosecution Proved That The Theft Had Taken Place So
The Judge Told Her That, Considering Her Record, He Was
Forced To Impose A Jail Term.
"This Time You Stole A Can Of Tomatoes. Let Us Suppose
That There Were Six Tomatoes In The Can. Do You Agree?"
The Woman Agreed.
"Then I Sentence You To Six Nights In Jail."
The Husband Jumped To His Feet, Addressing The Judge,
"Your Honor, May I Approach The Bench?"
"Well," Said His Honor, This Is Somewhat Unusual But I Will
Make An Exception In This Case. You May Approach The
Bench."
The Husband Wasted No Time Getting There And, Leaning
Forward, He Whispered, "She Also Stole A Can Of Peas."
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A Man Is Driving With His Wife At His Side And His
Mother-In-Law In The Backseat.
The Women Just Won't Leave Him Alone.
His Mother-In-Law Says, "You're Driving Too Fast!"
His Wife Says, "Stay More To The Left."
After Ten Mixed Orders, The Man Turns To His Wife And
Asks, "Who's Driving This Car - You Or Your Mother?"
Today, on May 31
1433 Sigismund Was Crowned Emperor Of Rome.
1859 In London, Big Ben Went Into Operation.
1870 E.J. Desemdt Patented Asphalt.
1884 Dr. John Harvey Kellogg Patented "Flaked Cereal."
1889 In Johnstown, Pa, More Than 2,200 People Died After The
South Fork Dam Collapsed.
1900 U.S. Troops Arrived In Peking To Help Put Down The Boxer
Rebellion.
1902 The Boer War Ended Between The Boers Of South Africa And
Great Britain With The Treaty Of Vereeniging.
1907 The First Taxis Arrived In New York City. They Were The
First In The United States.
1909 The National Association For The Advancement Of Colored
People (Naacp) Held Its First Conference.
1910 The Union Of South Africa Was Founded.
1913 The 17th Amendment Went Into Effect. It Provided For
Popular Election Of U.S. Senators.
1915 A German Zeppelin Made An Air Raid On London.
1927 Ford Motor Company Produced The Last "Tin Lizzie" In Order
To Begin Production Of The Model A.
1929 In Beverly, Ma, The First U.S. Born Reindeer Were Born.
1943 "Archie" Was Aired On The Mutual Broadcasting System For
The First Time.
1947 Communists Seized Control Of Hungary.
1955 The U.S. Supreme Court Ordered That All States Must End
Racial Segregation "With All Deliberate Speed."
1961 South Africa Became An Independent Republic.
1962 Adolf Eichmann Was Hanged In Israel. Eichmann Was A Gestapo
Official And Was Executed For His Actions In The Nazi Holocaust.
1970 An Earthquake In Peru Killed Tens Of Thousands Of People.
1974 Israel And Syria Signed An Agreement On The Golan Heights.
1977 The Trans-Alaska Oil Pipeline Was Finished After 3 Years Of
Construction. It Still Works Just Fine.
1979 Zimbabwe Proclaimed Its Independence.
1994 The U.S. Announced It Was No Longer Aiming Long-Range
Nuclear Missiles At Targets In The Former Soviet Union.
2003 In North Carolina, Eric Robert Rudolph Was Captured. He Had
Been On The Fbi's 10 Most Wanted List For Five Years For Several
Bombings Including The 1996 Olympic Bombing.
2017 smiled.
Tuesday, May 30, 2017, 07:38 AM Posted by Administrator
<B></B>
Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, May 30
Have Fun!
Dearwebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
PA grave robber arrested for assaulting
man with cerebral palsy.
Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, May 30 in
1431 Joan of Arc was burned at the stake in Rouen,
France, at the age of 19.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind
with an open one.
--- Malcolm Forbes (1919 - 1990)
Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life
exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has
tried to contact us.
--- Bill Watterson (1958 - )
The right to be heard does not automatically include
the right to be taken seriously.
--- Hubert H. Humphrey
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
>From Dave:
A property manager of single-family residence was showing
a unit to prospective tenants and asking the usual questions.
"Professionally employed?" he asked.
"We're a military family," the wife answered.
"Children?"
"Oh, yes, ages nine and twelve," she answered proudly.
"Animals?"
"Oh, no," she said earnestly. "They're very well behaved."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
The young son of a Baptist minister was in church one
morning when he observed very closely the ordinance of
baptism by immersion. He was greatly interested in it,
and the next morning proceeded to baptize his three
cats in the bathtub.
The kitten bore it very well, and so did the young cat, but
the old family cat rebelled. It struggled with him, clawed
and tore him, and got away. With considerable effort he
caught it again and proceeded with the ceremony. But
she acted worse than ever, clawed at him, spit, and
scratched his hands and face.
Finally, after barely getting her splattered with water, he
dropped her on the floor in disgust and said:
"Fine, just be a Methodist."
______________________________________________________
Oops-fergot-to-hold-it-with-both-hands!
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
Reported by the Bausell Sailor
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Barry Baker,
29,
West Chester,
Pennsylvania
PA veteran's grave robber arrested for assaulting
man with cerebral palsy.
The Pennsylvania dirtbag arrested for sucker punching a man
with cerebral palsy is actually a worse person than he
appears, records show.
Barry Baker, 29, was charged earlier this month with battery
for an unprovoked 2:30 AM attack outside a 7-Eleven in West
Chester (where Baker has lived and worked for a tow company).
As seen in the above surveillance video, Baker, an ex-con,
walloped the 22-year-old victim after mocking the way the man
walked.
Though Baker--charged with assault, harassment, and disorderly
conduct--was initially released on $25,000 bail, he will soon
return to jail after a judge this week issued an arrest
warrant charging him with violating his probation.
According to court records, Baker was placed on three years
probation in October 2015 for violating terms of a probation
sentence imposed following his conviction for theft from a
motor vehicle. In addition to his arrest this month, Baker
allegedly violated his probation by not paying restitution,
fines, and court costs of nearly $4500.
Baker’s rap sheet includes convictions for theft, forgery,
conspiracy, and receiving stolen property. The latter count
stemmed from Baker’s involvement in a crime on par with
punching a guy with cerebral palsy in the face.
In 2007, Baker pleaded guilty to his role in the theft of
hundreds of bronze flag holders that marked the graves of
veterans at two Pennsylvania cemeteries. Baker and his
accomplices stole the markers so that they could be sold as
scrap metal. Police recovered nearly 250 flag holders--worth
about $10,000--from a Pennsylvania scrap company.
Baker, who was charged with 143 counts of intentional
desecration of a venerated object, pleaded guilty to felony
conspiracy and receiving stolen property counts. He was
sentenced to a minimum of eleven-and-a-half months in jail and
a maximum of 23 months in custody. He was also ordered to
participate in a drug or alcohol treatment program and undergo
a mental health evaluation.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Elsinore
Re: How to choose domain names
Dear Webby
I know you mentioned it before, but I didn't need that info
at the time and did not save it. What's to watch out for
when choosing a domain name?
Thanks
Elsinore
Dear Elsinore
Above all, a domain name has to be memorable.
It should be short enough and clear enough, so that
you can shout it across a street or meeting room,
and have people remember it correctly.
Also make sure that the extension is a ".com" or a ".biz".
".com" is what people type on autopilot, without thinking.
That is the most valuable one.
"biz" is memorable enough that it works nearly as well.
The name registration cost is the same. We charge
$12 for ".com", "biz", ".net", ".org" and some of the less
useful ones that I don't recommend.
To test memorability, sing a name in the shower. If it
sounds silly or awkward, try something else. If it sounds
good and does not make you stumble, or cringe, then
you have a winner. I have recommended that for over
ten years and it has helped countless people to find
a good name.
You can always Skype me and tell me what you have in mind,
and I'll help you find a short and memorable name.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
A veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see
her doctor. The doctor asked her all the usual
questions, about symptoms, how long had they
been occurring, etc., when she interrupted him:
"Hey look, I'm a vet -- I don't need to ask my
patients these kind of questions: I can tell
what's wrong just by looking. Why can't you?"
The doctor nodded, looked her up and down, wrote
out a prescription, and handed it to her and said,
"There you are. Of course, if that doesn't work,
we'll have to have you put down."
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Organizing Baby Clothes
Quite often when you buy or are given baby or toddler
clothes they come in outfits. A matching top and bottom,
maybe even with a matching hat. One way to keep these items
together is to fold them and put them in large zip-lock bags
before putting them away. You will be able to easily see
the outfit and the bags and be used over and over again.
drunk driver drives through Russian airport
____________________________________________________
A pastor went into the pulpit one Sunday morning wearing a
pair of new bifocals. The reading portion of the glasses
improved his vision considerably, but whenever he looked
through the top portion of the glasses he got dizzy.
He explained to the congregation that the new glasses were
causing problems, then said, "I hope you will excuse my
continually removing my glasses. You see when I look
down I can see fine, but when I look at you,
it makes me sick."
___________________________________________________
This is what Memorial Day is about, let us remember them.
On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take
all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything,
please make sure it's something we can sell at a profit.
Mrs Beasly, please wake up your husband!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A man's car breaks down right in front of a farm and
he's trying to fix it when he hears a voice coming
behind him, "You have water in the gas tank." The man
turns around and all he sees is a cow from the farm.
He goes back to his car and again the same voice says,
"You have water in the gas tank."
The man turns around again and he sees nothing and
nobody except the cow, and the voice defintiely came
from the cow, "You have water in the gas tank."
The man is shocked so he knocks on the door of the
farmer's house. When the farmer answers the door the
man says, "The cow talked to me and said I had water in
my gas tank. He can talk?"
The farmer replied, "Ignore her, that cow barely understands
Diesel engines and doesn't have a clue about gas engines."
Today, on May 30
1416 Jerome of Prague was burned as a heretic by the Church.
1431 Joan of Arc was burned at the stake in Rouen, France, at
the age of 19.
1539 Hernando de Soto, the Spanish explorer, landed in Florida
with 600 soldiers to search for gold.
1814 The First Treaty of Paris was declared, which returned
France to its 1792 borders.
1848 W.G. Young patented the ice cream freezer.
1868 Memorial Day was observed widely for the first time in
the U.S.
1883 Twelve people were trampled to death in New York City in
a stampede after a rumor that the Brooklyn Bridge was in
danger of collapsing.
1896 The first automobile accident occurred in New York City.
1903 In Riverdale, NY, the first American motorcycle hill
climb was held.
1911 Ray Harroun won the first Indianapolis 500. At the time,
it was known as International 500-Mile Sweepstakes Race.
Harroun's average speed was 74.59 miles per hour.
1912 The U.S. Marines were sent to Nicaragua to protect
American interests.
1913 The First Balkan War ended.
1921 The U.S. Navy transferred the Teapot Dome oil reserves to
the Department of the Interior.
1933 Sally Rand introduced her exotic and erotic fan dance to
audiences at Chicago’s Century of Progress Exposition.
1943 American forces secured the Aleutian island of Attu from
the Japanese during World War II.
1958 Unidentified soldiers killed in World War II and the
Korean conflicts were buried at Arlington National Cemetery.
1967 Daredevil Evel Knievel jumped 16 automobiles in a row in
a motorcycle stunt at Ascot Speedway in Gardena, CA.
1967 The state of Biafra seceded from Nigeria and Civil war
erupted.
1971 Mariner 9, the American deep space probe blasted off on a
journey to Mars.
1981 In Chittagong, Bangladesh, President Ziaur Rahman was
assassinated.
1982 Spain became the 16th NATO member. Spain was the first
country to enter the Western alliance since West Germany in
1955.
1983 Peru's President Fernando Belaunde Terry declared a state
of emergency and suspended civil rights after bombings by
leftist rebels.
1989 The "Goddess of Democracy" statue (33 feet height) was
erected in Tiananmen Square by student demonstrators.
1996 Britain's Prince Andrew and the former Sarah Ferguson
were granted an uncontested decree ending their 10-year
marriage.
1997 Jesse K. Timmendequas was convicted in Trenton, NJ, of
raping and strangling a 7-year-old neighbor, Megan Kanka. The
1994 murder inspired "Megan's Law," requiring that communities
be notified when sex offenders move in.
1998 A powerful earthquake hit northern Afghanistan killing up
to 5,000.
2017 smiled.
Monday, May 29, 2017, 10:28 AM Posted by Administrator
<B></B>
Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, May 29
Memorial Day in the USA:
Honor those, who have died while in the military.
Have Fun!
Dearwebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
PT Cruiser stolen from man after he
hires prostitute
Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, May 29 in
585 BC The first recorded prediction of a solar eclipse was
made in Greece. 2602 years ago they knew that Earth was round
and the sun was the center of the solar system, and how the
solar system worked.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
No man ever listened himself out of a job.
--- Calvin Coolidge (1872 - 1933)
There's no workman, whatsoever he be,
that may both work well and hastily.
--- Chaucer (c. 1343 - 1400)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
There were these two guys out hiking when they came upon an
old, abandoned mine shaft. Curious about its depth they
threw in a pebble and waited for the sound of it striking
the bottom, but they heard nothing. They went and got a
bigger rock, threw it in and waited. Still nothing. They
searched the area for something larger and came upon a
railroad tie. With great difficulty , the two men carried it
to the opening and threw it in. While waiting for it to hit
bottom, a goat suddenly darted between them and leapt into
the hole!
The guys were still standing there with astonished looks
upon their faces from the actions of the goat when a man
walked up to them. He asked them if they had seen a goat
anywhere in the area and they said that one had just jumped
into the mine shaft in front of them! The man replied, 'Oh
no. That couldn't be *my* goat, mine was tied to a railroad
tie.'
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Tsehainesh from Addis Ababa
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of
children while they drew. She would occasionally walk
around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently,
she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what
God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing,
the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
Reported by the Bausell Sailor
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
April Marie Phillips,
36,
Jacksonvile,
Florida
PT Cruiser stolen from man after he
hires prostitute
A woman faces a charge of car theft after police said a man
was assaulted Monday at a Jacksonville hotel.
The victim said he met and picked up a suspected prostitute
named April Marie Phillips, 36. The two of them went to get a
room at the Scottish Inn on Phillips Highway.
Once the man and Phillips approached the hotel room, an
unknown man met the victim and Phillips outside the room.
About five minutes after the three entered the room, the
unknown man took the man's car keys, the police report said.
The man asked for his keys back, but the unknown man and
Phillips refused, police said.
Police reported that the unknown man then punched the victim
multiple times in the face and Phillips hit the victim in the
back of the head. The victim said his cellphone was taken from
him and that they tried to take his wallet.
The victim said Phillips and the man kicked him several times
while he was on the floor.
Phillips and the unknown man fled in the victim's PT Cruiser,
police said. The victim said called police after he woke up
from passing out.
The man was taken to St. Vincent's Hospital for possible
broken ribs and facial injuries.
Police said they found and arrested Phillips, who was standing
in the Eagle Inn parking lot.
As police questioned Phillips, they said she said that she
knew what this was about. She said a guy picked her up for sex
and drugs and said she had nothing else to say, police said.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Mario
Re: Head Set or separate microphone?
Dear Webby
What is better for phone over the Internet, a headset
or a separate microphone and earphones?
Thanks
Mario
Dear Mario
If you want to sound like a DJ or if you are participating
in teleconferences, get a wireless lapel mike and a mike
pre-amplifier with graphic equalizer, and a set of noise
canceling cup type earphones.
At the opposite end of the quality spectrum is a headset
from the dollar store, complete with boom microphone and
a too short 3 foot cord.
A good compromise is $30 headset with boom mike,
and an additional cord extension. 6 wire cords are often
ridiculously overpriced and it pays to shop around for
those. Otherwise you could wind up paying more for the
extension cord than for the head set.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Thanks to Billie for bringing back this classic:
Thought you might like this one, Peace, Billie
Two dogs were walking down the street. One dog says
to the other,
"Wait here a minute, I'll be right back." He walks across
the street and sniffs this fire hydrant for about a minute,
then walks back across the street.
The other dog says, "What was that about?"
The dog first dog says, "I was just checking my pee-mail."
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Faux Stained Glass Windows
By DOROTHY [3 Posts, 2 Comments]
This is a new use for old windows. They took about 2 days to
make. Paint the window frames and let dry. Be creative and
paint the glass with stained glass paint. Once dry, glue the
marbles to the glass then let the glue dry.
The better craft stores and catalogs
have liquid stained glass, and leading in a tube.
Draw your design on the glass with a pencil or crayon, then
use the leading in a tube to draw the boundaries between the
colors. With real stained glass that would be tinned or leaded
copper foil. Then you make sure you don`t have any unintended
breaks in the leading.
After that you decide what colors to use in each field, and
pour a few drops of that color into that field. The raised
bead of leading will confine the color to that field.
Depending on the picture you want to create, you can add a
drop of modifier, like starburst, ice crystal, flames, etc.
The modifiers don`t change the color, just the apparent
texture.
Half an hour later it is dry and done.
I used to create a lot of those in my Hippy years.
You can use liquid stained glass on real glass and on
plexiglass. Quite often I sandwiched a plexiglass stained
window to a real glass window. My favorite trick was to just
do a foot high strip for the top of windows, so as not to
obstruct the view, but create beautiful colored projections
from the sun shining through.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Mama bear chases motorists in Yellowstone National Park
____________________________________________________
Thanks to Dianne for this:
The woman was in labor in the delivery room with her
husband at her side coaching her just the way he
learned in the Lamaze class.
It seemed like an eternity before the doctor finally
announced, "I've got the head now; just a few more
minutes."
"Is it a girl or boy?" the husband asked excitedly.
The doctor replied, "At this age it's too hard to tell by
the ears."
___________________________________________________
This is what Memorial Day is about, let us remember them.
Thanks to Mary F for this story:
There were these two elderly people living in a Florida
mobile home park. He was a widower and she a widow.
They had known one another for a number of years.
One evening there was a community supper in the big
activity center. These two were at the same table, across
from one another. As the meal went on, he made a few
admiring glances at her and finally gathered up his courage
to ask her, "Will you marry me?"
After precisely six seconds of careful consideration, she
answered.
"Yes, yes, I will."
The meal ended and with a few more pleasant exchanges,
they went to their respective places.
Next morning, he was troubled.
"Did she say 'yes' or did she say 'no'?" He couldn't
remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall.
Not even a faint memory.
With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her.
First, he explained to her that he didn't remember as well
as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past.
As he gained a little more courage, he then inquired of her,
"When I asked if you would marry me,
did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'?"
He was delighted to hear her say,
"Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and I meant it with all my
heart."
Then she continued, "And I am so glad that you called,
because I couldn't remember who had asked me.
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Jill, ever the gracious hostess, was serving drinks at one
of her parties. A friend of hers brought his brother who
had just been ordained a Priest. She offered the friend a
drink from the tray and said, "I'm sorry Father, I'll go right
back to the kitchen and bring you a coke."
The Priest smiled and said "No need to. I may have
alcohol. Priests abstain from sex, not the grape."
"Oh !" said Jill blushing, "So that's it. I knew it
was one or the other that I wasn't supposed to offer you."
Today, on May 29
585 BC The first recorded prediction of a solar eclipse was
made in Greece. 2602 years ago they knew that Earth was round
and the sun was the center of the solar system, and how the
solar system worked.
1453 Constantinople fell to Ottoman Sultan Mehmed II, ending
the Byzantine Empire.
1660 Charles II was restored to the English throne after the
Puritan Commonwealth.
1721 South Carolina was formally incorporated as a royal
colony.
1765 Patrick Henry denounced the Stamp Act before Virginia's
House of Burgesses.
1827 The first nautical school opened in Nantucket, MA, under
the name Admiral Sir Isaac Coffin’s Lancasterian School.
1849 A patent for lifting vessels was granted to Abraham
Lincoln.
1910 An airplane raced a train from Albany, NY, to New York
City. The airplane pilot Glenn Curtiss won the $10,000 prize.
1912 Fifteen women were dismissed from their jobs at the
Curtis Publishing Company in Philadelphia, PA, for dancing the
Turkey Trot while on the job.
1916 The official flag of the president of the United States
was adopted.
1916 U.S. forces invaded Dominican Republic and remained until
1924.
1922 Ecuador became independent.
1922 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that organized baseball was
a sport, not subject to antitrust laws.
1932 World War I veterans began arriving in Washington, DC. to
demand cash bonuses they were not scheduled to receive for
another 13 years.
1951 C.F. Blair became the first man to fly over the North
Pole in single engine plane.
1953 Edmund Hillary and Sherpa Tenzing Norgay became first men
to reach the top of Mount Everest and live.
1973 Tom Bradley was elected the first black mayor of Los
Angeles.
1974 U.S. President Nixon agreed to turn over 1,200 pages of
edited Watergate transcripts.
1985 Thirty-nine people were killed and 400 were injured in a
riot at a European Cup soccer match in Brussels, Belgium.
1986 Colonel Oliver North told National Security Advisor
William McFarlane that profits from weapons sold to Iran were
being diverted to the Contras.
1988 U.S. President Reagan began his first visit to the Soviet
Union in Moscow.
1990 Boris Yeltsin was elected president of the Russian
republic by the Russian parliament.
1997 The ruling party in Indonesia, Golkar, won the Parliament
election by a record margin. There was a boycott movement and
rioting that killed 200 people.
1999 Space shuttle Discovery completed the first docking with
the International Space Station.
2000 Fiji's military took control of the nation and declared
martial law following a coup attempt by indigenous Fijians in
mid-May.
2001 In New York, four followers of Osama bin Laden were
convicted of a global conspiracy to murder Americans. The
crimes included the 1998 bombings of two U.S. embassies in
Africa that killed 224 people.
2001 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that disabled golfer Casey
Martin could use a cart to ride in tournaments.
2015 The Obama adminstration removed Cuba from the U.S.
terrorism blacklist. The two countries had severed diplomatic
relations in January of 1961.
2017 smiled.
Thursday, May 25, 2017, 07:07 AM Posted by Administrator
<B></B>
Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, May 25
Today I have to go to Calgary for injections
into my eyeballs. That means no Friday, Saturday
or Sunday Newsletter.
Have Fun!
Dearwebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Colorado man arrested after castrating
transgender woman for pay but without a license.
Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, May 25 in
585 BC The first recorded prediction of a
solar eclipse was made in Greece.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party
did not miss the boat.
--- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
A man was in the hospital recovering from an
operation when a nun walked into his room. She was
there to cheer up the sick and ailing. The man
and nun started talking and she asked about his
life. He talked about his wife and 13 children.
"My, my," said the nun, "13 children....you're
a good, proper Catholic family. The Lord is very
proud of you!"
"I'm sorry, Sister," he said, "I am not Catholic.
I'm Jewish."
"Jewish!?" she replies. "Hmmm....you're a sex
maniac, aren't you?"
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Doctor: "I see you're over a month late for your appointment.
Don't you know that nervous disorders require prompt and
regular attention? What's your excuse?"
Patient: "I was just following your orders, Doc."
Doctor: "Following my orders? What are you talking about? I
gave you no such order."
Patient: "You told me to avoid people who irritate me."
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
Reported by the Bausell Sailor
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
James Pennington,
57,
Denver,
Colorado
Colorado man arrested after castrating
transgender woman for pay but without a license.
A man without a medical license was arrested after allegedly
using an Army surgical kit to remove the testicles of a
transgender woman at her apartment, the Denver Police
Department said.
James Pennington, 57 of Denver, is alleged to have removed the
testicles and sutured the opening while the woman's wife
watched the 90-minute procedure on Wednesday, according to a
probable cause statement.
Pennington told the victim if any "complications" developed to
call 911, according to the probable cause statement.
The wife called 911 about 2 p.m. after blood was seeping from
the incision.
Paramedics said the testicles could not be reattached because
of the time between the procedure and the call to 911, police
said.
A doctor with Medical Center of Aurora said the victim
suffered serious bodily injury and "risk of permanent
disfigurement," according to the statement.
Pennington was interviewed by police on Thursday and,
according to the probable cause statement, "confessed to
completing this surgical procedure without medical license."
Pennington was arrested for investigation of first-degree
aggravated assault causing serious bodily injury. He is being
held without bond.
The Denver District Attorney's Office will make the final
determination if charges will be filed.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Wanda
Re: img ... pdf
Dear Webby
I got some emails with img, some numbers and then .pdf in the
subject line. Naturally, I did not open them without asking
you first.
Are they safe?
Thanks
Wanda
Dear Wanda
No, they are NOT safe. Dump them, and dump them out of the
trash.
Nowadays, anything suspicious looking, dump it.
There is no need to enclose a normal picture in a PDF
If a friend or relative wants to bundle a bunch of pictures in
a PDF, they would tell you about it, and not just list ONE
picture, with .pdf tacked on.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
A college professor asked his class a question.
"If Philadelphia is 100 miles from New York and Chicago is
1000 miles from Philadelphia and Los Angles is 2000 miles from
Chicago, how old am I?"
One student in the back of the class raised his hand and when
Called upon said, "Professor you're 44.."
The Professor said, "You're absolutely correct, but tell me,
how did you arrive at the answer so quickly?"
The student said, "You see professor, I have a brother; he's
22, and he's half nuts."
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Making Rosemary Napkin Rings
By ShirleyE [165 Posts, 104 Comments]
For a lovely place setting which will also give off a
wonderful herbal aroma to get your guests' taste buds going,
use a wrap of rosemary around the serviettes (napkins) instead
of a traditional napkin ring.
Supplies:
rosemary sprigs
garden raffia or twine
scissors
hole punch
paper
Steps:
Print out your guests' names. Alternatively you could write
them if you prefer.
Cut out each name and round off the corners to neaten them.
Add a punched hole.
Roll up a serviette (napkin) and wrap a rosemary sprig around
it.
Overlap the ends of the sprig and tie with raffia or string.
Thread the name tag onto the raffia and make a final knot.
Trim the ends of the raffia and arrange your setting.
If you dont have raffia, you can use
the colorful, beaded pony-tail rubber bands. They are usually
25 / $ at the Dollar store and indefinitely reusable. No panic
when grampa canèt open the knots on the raffia.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Mama bear chases motorists in Yellowstone National Park
____________________________________________________
>From Wendy
A retired older couple returned to a Mercedes dealership where
the salesman has just sold the car they had been interested
in
to a beautiful, leggy, busty blonde in a mini skirt and a
halter top.
The old man was visibly upset. He spoke to the salesman
sharply, "Young man, I thought you said you would hold that
car till we raised the $55,000 asking price. Yet I just
overheard you close the deal for $45,000 to the lovely young
lady there. And if I remember right, you had insisted there
was no way you could discount this model." The salesman took a
deep breath, cleared his throat and reached for a large glass
of water.
"Well, what can I tell you? She had the cash ready, didn't
need any financing help, and, Sir, just look at her, how could
I resist?", replied the grinning salesman sheepishly.
Just then the young woman approached the senior couple and
gave the car keys to the old man.
"There you go," she said. "I told you I could get that schmuck
to lower the price.
See you later Dad, Happy Father's day."
___________________________________________________
A woman breaks into what she thought was an abandoned house only to get the shock of her life.
A commercial property owner has three shops in a row, all
for rent. The first prospective lessee shows up, and says
he wants to rent the shop on the left.
The owner says, "Fine, what kind of shop do you have?"
The guy says, "A menswear shop."
The owner tells him he gets free signage, and asks what
he wants on the sign. "Menswear," says the man.
A second guy comes along and wants to let the right hand
shop. When asked he says he wants "Menswear" on his sign.
The owner tells him that the lefthand shop will be the same.
"No problem," says the man.
Finally a third man comes along to rent the middle shop.
The owner is most concerned because this guy also has a
menswear shop. Rather wearily the owner asks him what he
wants on his sign.
The guy replies: "Entrance."
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Ross for this story:
A Jewish couple is sitting together on an airplane flying
to The Far East. Suddenly, over the public address system,
the Captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid
I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased
functioning and this plane will be going down. Luckily, I
see an uncharted island below us that should be able to
accommodate our landing.
A few minutes later the plane lands safely on the island.
After touring the island the captain announced to the
passengers that the odds are that we will never be rescued
and will have to live on the island for the rest of our
lives."
Morris turns to his wife and asks, "Esther, did we pay our
charity pledge to the Yeshiva yet?"
"No, Morris," she responds.
Morris smiles and then asks, "Esther, did we pay our
United Jewish Appeal pledge?"
"Oy, no! I haven't sent the check," she says.
Now Morris laughs out loud.
"One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send our
Temple Building Fund check this month," he asks?
"Oy, Morris, I haven't sent that one, either." says Esther.
Now, Morris is practically choking with laughter.
Esther asks Morris, “So? What are you laughing about?"
Morris answers confidently, "They'll find us."
Today, on May 25
585 BC The first recorded prediction of a solar eclipse was
made in Greece.
1085 Alfonso VI took Toledo, Spain from the Moslems.
1787 The Constitutional convention opened in Philadelphia with
George Washington presiding.
1810 Argentina declared independence from Napoleonic Spain.
1844 The gasoline engine was patented by Stuart Perry.
1844 The first telegraphed news dispatch, sent from
Washington, DC, to Baltimore, MD, appeared in the Baltimore
"Patriot."
1895 Oscar Wilde, a playwright, poet and novelist, was
convicted of a morals charge and sentenced to prison in
London.
1925 John Scopes was indicted for teaching the Darwinian
theory in school.
1927 Ford Motor Company announced that the Model A would
replace the Model T.
1927 The "Movietone News" was shown for the first time at the
Sam Harris Theatre in New York City.
1946 Jordan gained independence from Britain.
1953 In Nevada, the first atomic cannon was fired.
1961 America was asked by U.S. President Kennedy to work
toward putting a man on the moon before the end of the decade.
1963 The Organization of African Unity was founded, in Addis
Ababa, Ethiopia.
1968 The Gateway Arch, part of the Jefferson National
Expansion Memorial in St. Louis, MO, was dedicated.
1970 Boeing Computer Services was founded.
1977 "Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope" opened and became the
largest grossing film to date.
1977 An opinion piece by Vietnam verteran Jan Scruggs appeared
in "The Washington Post." The article called for a national
memorial to "remind an ungrateful nation of what it has done
to its sons" that had served in the Vietnam War.
1979 An American Airlines DC-10 crashed during takeoff at
Chicago's O'Hare International Airport. 275 people were
killed.
1981 Daredevil Daniel Goodwin scaled Chicago's Sears Tower,
while wearing a "Spiderman" costume, in 7 1/2 hours.
1983 "The Return of the Jedi" opened nationwide. It set a new
record in opening day box office sales. The gross was
$6,219,629.
1985 Bangladesh was hit with a hurricane and tidal wave that
killed more than 11,000 people.
1989 The Calgary Flames won their first NHL Stanley Cup by
defeating the Montreal Canadiens.
1996 In Nimes, France, Christina Sanchez became the first
woman to achieve the rank of matadore in Europe.
1997 In Sierra Leone a military coup overthrew the popularly
elected President Ahmad Tejan Kabbah. He was replaced with
Major Johnny Paul Koromah.
1997 Poland adopted a constitution that removed all traces of
communism.
1999 A report by the U.S. House of Representatives Select
Committee on U.S. National Security and Military/Commercial
Concerns with the People's Republic of China concluded that
China had "stolen design information on the U.S. most-advanced
thermonuclear weapons" and that China's penetration of U.S.
weapons laboratories "spans at least the past several decades
and almost certainly continues today."
2000 The Walt Disney Co. and Time Warner Inc. signed a long-
term deal that ended a dispute over the airing policies of
Time Warner. Time Warner had blacked out Disney programs for a
39 hour period the previous month due to the lack of an
agreement.
2001 Erik Weihenmayer, 32, of Golden, CO, became the first
blind climber to reach the summit of Mount Everest.
2001 Sherman Bull, 64, of New Canaan, CT, became the oldest
climber to reach the summit of Mount Everest.
2006 In Houston, former Enron Corp. chiefs Kenneth Lay and
Jeffrey Skillinng were convicted of conspiracy and fraud for
the downfall of Enron.
2008 NASA's Phoenix Mars Lander landed in the arctic plains of
Mars.
2009 North Korea announced that it had conducted a second
successful nuclear test in the province of North Hamgyong. The
United Nations Security Council condemned the reported test.
2017 smiled.
Wednesday, May 24, 2017, 06:05 AM Posted by Administrator
<B></B>
Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, May 24
Have Fun!
Dearwebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida Muslim convert killed roommates over
disrespect to his faith
Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, May 24 in
1689 The English Parliament passed Act of Toleration,
protecting Protestants. Roman Catholics were specifically
excluded from exemption.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
History is the version of past events that people have
decided to agree upon.
--- Napoleon Bonaparte (1769 - 1821)
A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and
won't change the subject.
--- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)
Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough
to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
--- Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Some teachers at state universities get to know our students
fairly well. One instructor told his communications class of
his plans to propose marriage. A student spoke up and said
that he had recently asked his girlfriend to marry him as
well.
"What was her answer?" the instructor asked.
I don't know yet," the student replied. "She hasn't e-mailed
me back yet."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Thanks to the folks from Erie for this:
A Somali arrives in Minneapolis as a new immigrant to the
United States. He stops the first person he sees walking down
the street and says, "Thank you Mr. American for letting me in
this country!"
But the passer-by says "You are mistaken, I am Mexican."
The man goes on and encounters another passer-by. "Thank you
for having such a beautiful country here in America!" The
person says, "I no American, I Vietnamese."
The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he
stops, shakes his hand and says, "Thank you for the wonderful
America!"
That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Syria,
I am not an American!"
He finally sees a nice lady and asks suspiciously, "Are you an
American?"
She says, "No, I am from Russia!"
So he is puzzled, and asks her, "Where are all the Americans?"
The Russian lady looks at her watch, shrugs, and says...
"Probably at work."
______________________________________________________
Splitrock lighthouse in Minnesota by Rochelle Soukup
on "We Love Lighthouses"
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Devon Arthurs,
18,
Tampa,
Floriduh
Florida Muslim convert killed roommates over
disrespect to his faith
Tampa police say a double homicide suspect told them he killed
two roommates because they disrespected his Muslim faith.
During an interview, 18-year-old Devon Arthurs admitted to the
shooting deaths of Jeremy Himmelman and Andrew Oneschuk, and
said they all used to be friends and shared neo-Nazi beliefs.
Arthurs says he later converted to Muslim, and became angry
with the world’s anti-Muslim sentiment.
He told police he wanted to bring attention to his cause.
The double homicide happened Friday night on Amberly Drive in
New Tampa.
Tampa police were called to the Green Planet Smoke Shop and
say Arthurs was holding three people at gunpoint. According to
the police report, Arthurs told them he killed someone and was
upset over America bombing his Muslim countries.
When police showed up, they convinced Arthurs to let the
hostages go and eventually handcuffed him.
The police report says Arthurs then made references to, “Allah
Mohammed!” and told police, “I had to do it. This wouldn’t
have had to happen if your country didn’t bomb my country.”
Interesting to note that the bonehead referred to the US as
"YOUR country" and ISIS controlled areas as "his country".
While he was being arrested, Arthurs told an officer people in
an apartment were dead. The suspect led police to the
apartment at The Hamptons at Tampa Palms Apartments on Amberly
Drive.
Responding officers found a man crying outside the door in
full U.S. Army camouflage. Arthurs told police the man was his
roommate and said, “He doesn’t know what’s going on and just
found them like you guys did.”
Police found two men, later identified as Himmelman and
Oneschuk, dead inside the apartment from gunshot wounds.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Tam
Re: Where can I learn HTML?
Dear Webby
I was wondering where I could learn to use HTML ?
thanks
Tam
Dear Tam
Look at the right side-menu.
There, about half way down, is a link to
Free HTML course
Click on that!
It takes you to http://htmlclinic.com/
Its totally free, no spyware, no pop-ups, no hassle.
Just an excellent "at-your-own-pace" HTML course.
And it is really easy.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
An old fellow came into the hospital truly on
death's door due to an infected gallbladder.
The surgeon who removed the gallbladder was adamant
that his patients be up and walking in the hall the
day after surgery, to help prevent blood clots
forming in the leg veins. The nurses walked the
patient in the hall as ordered, and after the
third day the nurse told how he complained bitterly
each time they did. The surgeon told them to keep
walking him.
After a week, the patient was ready to go. His family
came to pick him up and thanked the surgeon profusely
for what he had done for their father. The surgeon
was pleased and appreciated the thanks, but told
them that it was really a simple operation and we
had been lucky to get him in time.
"But doctor, you don't understand," they said,
"Dad hasn't walked in over ten years!"
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Companion Plants for Growing Vegetables
This table is way too long to print here,
so here is the link to the original:
Companion Plants
Lighthouse shift change
____________________________________________________
Two youngsters were closely examining bathroom scales
on display at the department store.
"Have you ever seen one of these before?" one asked.
"Yeah, my mom have one," replied..
"What's it for?"
"It's a cussing machine," answered.
"Every time mom stands on it, she gets really mad
and starts cussing."
___________________________________________________
A woman breaks into what she thought was an abandoned house only to get the shock of her life.
Two deaf men were in a coffee shop discussing their wives.
One signs to the other, boy was my wife mad at me last
night! She went on and on and wouldn't stop! The other
Buddy says when my wife goes off on me, I just don't listen.
How do you do that? asks the other.
It's easy! I take off my glasses!
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Roland for this story:
Little Tony was staying with his grandmother for a few days.
He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while
when he came into the house and asked her,
"Grandma, what is that called when people are
sleeping on top of each other?"
She was a little taken aback, but decided to tell him the
truth..."It's called sexual intercourse, darling."
Little Tony just said, "Oh, OK" and went back outside to
talk and play with the other kids. A few minutes later he
came back in and said angrily,
"Grandma, it is not called sexual intercourse!
It's called Bunk Beds!"
Today, on May 24
1610 Sir Thomas Gates institutes "laws divine moral and
marshal," a harsh civil code for Jamestown.
1624 After years of unprofitable operation Virginia’s charter
was revoked and it became a royal colony.
1689 The English Parliament passed Act of Toleration,
protecting Protestants. Roman Catholics were specifically
excluded from exemption.
1738 The Methodist Church was established.
1764 Bostonian lawyer James Otis denounced "taxation without
representation" and called for the colonies to unite in
demonstrating their opposition to Britain’s new tax measures.
1798 Believing that a French invasion of Ireland was imminent,
Irish nationalists rose up against the British occupation.
1816 Emamual Leutze was born in Germany. He was most famous
for his paintings "Washington Crossing the Delaware" and
"Columbus Before the Queen".
1822 At the Battle of Pichincha, Bolivar secured independence
of the Quito.
1830 The first passenger railroad service in the U.S. began
service.
1844 Samuel F.B. Morse formally opened America's first
telegraph line. The first message was sent from Washington,
DC, to Baltimore, MD. The message was "What hath God wrought?"
1859 Charles Gounod's "Ave Maria" was performed by Madame
Caroline Miolan-Carvalho for the first time in public.
1863 Bushwackers led by Captain William Marchbanks attacked a
U.S. Federal militia party in Nevada, Missouri.
1878 The first American bicycle race was held in Boston.
1881 About 200 people died when the Canadian ferry Princess
Victoria sank near London, Ontario.
1883 After 14 years of construction the Brooklyn Bridge was
opened to traffic.
1899 The first public garage was opened by W.T. McCullough.
1913 The U.S. Department of Labor entered into its first
strike mediation. The dispute was between the Railroad Clerks
of the New York, New Haven and Hartford Railroad.
1930 Amy Johnson became the first woman to fly from England to
Australia.
1931 B&O Railroad began service with the first passenger train
to have air conditioning throughout. The run was between New
York City and Washington, DC.
1935 The Cincinnati Reds played the Philadelphia Phillies in
the first major league baseball game at night. The switch for
the floodlights was thrown by U.S. President Franklin
Roosevelt.
1941 The HMS Hood was sunk by the German battleship Bismarck
in the North Atlantic. Only three people survived.
1954 The first moving sidewalk in a railroad station was
opened in Jersey City, NJ.
1958 United Press International was formed through a merger of
the United Press and the International News Service.
1961 The Freedom Riders were arrested in Jackson, Mississippi.
1967 California Governor Ronald Reagan greeted Charles M.
Schulz at the state capitol in observance of the legislature-
proclaimed "Charles Schulz Day."
1976 Britain and France opened trans-Atlantic Concorde service
to Washington.
1983 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the federal government
had the right to deny tax breaks to schools that racially
discriminate.
1986 Montreal won its 23rd National Hockey League (NHL)
Stanley Cup championship.
1990 The Edmonton Oilers won their fifth National Hockey
League (NHL) Stanley Cup.
1993 The Ethiopian province of Eritrea declared itself an
independent nation.
1994 The four men convicted of bombing the New York's World
Trade Center were each sentenced to 240 years in prison.
1999 39 miners were killed in an underground gas explosion in
the Ukraine.
2000 Five people were killed and two others wounded when two
gunmen entered a Wendy's restaurant in Flushing, Queens, New
York. The gunmen tied up the victims in the basement and then
shot them.
2000 The U.S. House of Representatives approved permanent
normal trade relations with China. China was not happy about
some of the human rights conditions that had been attached by
the U.S. lawmakers.
2000 A Democratic Party event for Al Gore in Washington
brought in $26.5 million. The amount set a new record, which
had just been set the previous month by Republicans for Texas
Gov. George W. Bush.
2001 Temba Tsheri, 15, became the youngest person to reach the
summit of Mount Everest.
2011 NASA announced the development of the Orion Multi-Purpose
Crew Vehicle (MPCV) spacecraft. It is intended to facilitate
exploration of the Moon, asteroids and Mars.
2017 smiled.
Tuesday, May 23, 2017, 07:56 AM Posted by Administrator
<B></B>
Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, May 23
Have Fun!
Dearwebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida Shooter Poops On His Arrest Warrant
Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, May 23 in
1430 Joan of Arc was captured by Burgundians.
She was then sold to the English.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Education... has produced a vast population able to
read but unable to distinguish what is worth reading.
--- G. M. Trevelyan (1876 - 1962)
Though music oft hath such a charm to make bad good,
and good provoke to harm.
--- William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616)
It isn't what you know that counts, it's what you think
of in time.
--- Benjamin Franklin
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
While teaching children about world religions, a teacher
asked her students to bring a symbol of their family's
faith to class. The next day, she asked each student to
come forward and share the symbol with the class.
The 1st child said, "I'm Muslim, and this is my prayer rug."
The 2nd child said, "I'm Jewish, and this is my family's
menorah."
The 3rd child said, "I'm Roman Catholic, and this is my
Mom's rosary."
The 4th child said, "I'm Greek Orthodox, and this is an
icon of my patron saint."
The 5th child said, "I'm Southern Baptist, and this is
my casserole dish."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
TEACHER: tester, name one important thing
we have today that we didn't have 10 years ago.
: Me!
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Demetrius Vidale,
24,
Deerfield Beach,
Floriduh
Florida Shooter Poops On His Arrest Warrant
Being accused of a crime is pretty crappy, but that’s no
reason to poop on a search warrant.
That’s what a Florida man accused of shooting at a Deerfield
Beach deputy allegedly did while his paperwork was being
processed, according to the Broward County Sheriff’s Office.
Demetrius Vidale, 24, was arrested Tuesday in connection with
a shootout that took place at about 3 a.m. Monday near
Tropicante Nightclub, according to the Miami Herald.
Authorities accuse Vidale of shooting and robbing club-goer
Jordan Harris, who is expected to recover.
In addition, Vidale allegedly shot at Broward Sheriff’s deputy
Derrick Nesbitt, who was responding to reports of gunshots.
The deputy fired back but wasn’t injured, according to WSVN
TV.
Vidale managed to elude capture until the next day, when he
was apprehended while driving in Fort Lauderdale.
Now Vidale has been charged with attempted first-degree
murder, attempted murder of a law enforcement officer, armed
robbery, obstructing a police officer executing a search
warrant and driving with a revoked license, according to the
criminal complaint.
But it’s what Vidale allegedly did while in custody thats
really raising a stink. When officers pulled over Vidale, they
served him with a search warrant to get his DNA in order to
match him to the crime scene.
Vidale refused to let officers take his picture, fingerprints
or DNA, claiming a judge had "no jurisdiction over him,"
according to the Florida Sun-Sentinel.
However, while Vidales paperwork was being processed, he
allegedly went into the bathroom and dumped a whole bunch of
DNA ? or "defecation not appreciated" ? on the warrant,
according to WSVN-TV.
Vidale appeared in court on Wednesday where he chose to
represent himself and to argue with the judge, the Sun-
Sentinel reports.
Jail records show Vidale remains behind bars at the Broward
County Main Jail. Until he recognizes the jurisdiction of the
judge, the judge cant grant him bail anyway.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Chris
Re: Value of Bat
Dear Webby
A friend is moving out of her home and came across this old
bat she has had for years. It's numbered 'LL797' and is in
great condition. Anyone know where to find out about such
things for her?
Thanks in advance,
Chris
Dear Chris
I am more familiar with DOS bats than wooden ones.
So, your friend has "bats in the attic" ?
I wonder if you know what that phrase means around here ?
All joking aside, the easiest way to find out if it is
worth more than firewood, is to take a picture of it and
post it on e-bay. If nobody bids on it, give it to a kid in
exchange for mowing the lawn or weeding the driveway.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Little Johnny wasn't very good at spelling. During an oral
spelling exam, the teacher wrote the word "new" on the
blackboard.
"Now," she asked Johnny, "what word would we have if we placed
a "K" in the front?"
After a moment's reflection, Johnny smiled and belted out:
"Canoe!"
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Peony Bushes Not Blooming
By Frank [4 Posts, 20 Comments]
If they are not setting buds then they are planted to deep.
Peony need to be planted shallow. If you can see some of the
root when planting that is ok. So you need to break up the
roots and replant. You will probably have plants left over to
give away. The earlier post is correct on the ants. Ants help
them to bloom.
Frank
Make sure the peonies have ants.
They need them to produce flowers. As long as they have ants,
they are as hardy as rhubarb. Mowing them in late summer also
seems to help.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
wrestling match between
4-year-old girl and boy
____________________________________________________
Thanks to Lynn for this one: I have the most marvelous recipe
for meat loaf! All I have to do is mention it to my husband
and he says, "Let's eat out!"
___________________________________________________
Guinea Pigs With Luscious Locks to Die For
It was "sharing time" in a kindergarten full of bright
children. The teacher was presiding over a discussion about
the children's parents. One child said, "Well, my mother's a
Catholic and my father's Jewish."
"Oh, wow!" said another. "So what do you believe?"
"I believe in everything," said the first child.
"What do you mean 'everything'?" asked another child.
"Well, you know," said the first child, "Jesus Christ, Moses,
Snow White, the Tooth Fairy, Santa, the Easter Bunny,
everything!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
>From Don
When we moved into our new home, the first one we owned rather
than rented, two of my husband's friends gave him a bottle of
champagne. In the hustle and bustle of getting settled, the
gift was tucked away and temporarily forgotten. Three months
later we held a Christening party for our third child.
Champagne flowed in celebration until, running short, we
remembered our housewarming gift. In front of our guests, I
opened the attached card and read it aloud, "Donald, take good
care of this one. This one is yours!"
Today, on May 23
1430 Joan of Arc was captured by Burgundians. She was then
sold to the English.
1533 Henry VIII’s marriage to Catherine of Aragon was declared
null and void.
1618 The Thirty Years War began when three opponents of the
Reformation were thrown through a window.
1701 In London, Captain William Kidd was hanged after being
convicted of murder and piracy.
1785 Benjamin Franklin wrote in a letter that he had invented
bifocals.
1827 The first US nursery school was established in New York
City.
1873 Canada's North West Mounted Police force was established.
The organization's name was changed to Royal Canadian Mounted
Police in 1920.
1895 The New York Public Library was created with an agreement
that combined the city's existing Astor and Lenox libraries.
1901 American forces captured Filipino rebel leader Emilio
Aguinaldo.
1908 Part of the Great White Fleet arrived in Puget Sound, WA.
1915 During World War I, Italy switched sides and joined the
Allies.
1926 The French captured the Moroccan Rif capital.
1934 In Bienville Parish, LA, Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow
were ambushed and killed by Texas Rangers. The bank robbers
were riding in a stolen Ford Deluxe.
1937 Industrialist John D. Rockefeller died.
1938 "LIFE" magazine’s cover pictured Errol Flynn as a glamour
boy.
1945 In Luneburg Germany, Heinrich Himmler, the head of the
Nazi Gestapo, committed suicide while imprisoned by the Allied
forces.
1949 The Republic of West Germany was established.
1960 Israel announced the capture of Nazi Adolf Eichmann in
Argentina.
1981 In Barcelona, Spain, gunmen seized control of the Central
Bank and took 200 hostages.
1985 Thomas Patrick Cavanagh was sentenced to life in prison
for trying to sell Stealth bomber secrets to the Soviet Union.
1995 The Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City
was demolished.
1998 British Protestants and Irish Catholics of Northern
Ireland approved a peace accord.
1999 In Kansas City, MO, Owen Hart (Blue Blazer) died when he
fell 90 feet while being lowered into a WWF wrestling ring. He
was 33 years old.
1999 Gerry Bloch, at age 81, became the oldest climber to
scale El Capitan in Yosemite National Park. He broke his own
record that he set in 1986 when he was 68 years old.
2013 Google acquired Makani Power for use for its Project
Wing.
2017 smiled.
Monday, May 22, 2017, 09:05 AM Posted by Administrator
<B></B>
Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, May 22
Have Fun!
Dearwebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman in labor smokes crack,
leaves newborn in yard
Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, May 22 in
1955 A scheduled dance to be headlined by Fats Domino
was canceled by police in Bridgeport, Connecticut
because "rock and roll dances might be featured."
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
The government's view of the economy could be summed up
in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps
moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.
--- Ronald Reagan (1911 - 2004)
According to a new survey, women say they feel more
comfortable undressing in front of men than they do
undressing in front of other women. They say that
women are too judgmental, where, of course,
men are just grateful.
---Jay Leno
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
>From Malcolm:
The other day I was playing golf and saw an unusual
thing. A golfer became so mad that he threw his
brand new set of golf clubs into the lake.
A few minutes later he came back, waded into the
lake, and retrieved his clubs. He proceeded to take
his car keys out of the bag -- then threw the clubs
back into the water.
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Dad gives some advice to his son before his first real date.
"Son, when you pick up your date later, make sure you have
some flowers or chocolates to give her. Girls go crazy over
that stuff. The more you give, the more you get! It's an
exchange thing."
So, the son showed up for his date with flowers.
She was very flattered and pleased, and she rewarded him
with a long, passionate kiss. She pressed her chest against
him and rubbed her fingers through his hair,.... hoping to
give him the best kiss that he had ever received.
After the kiss, he turned and bolted for the door.
"Oh! I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to scare you
away."
"You didn't!" he replied. "I'll be right back. There are
still TONS of flowers at the cemetery a couple of blocks
south of here."
______________________________________________________
Whoever sent this one to me, years ago, Thank You!
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Katrina Kegelman,
24,
Clearwater,
Floriduh
Florida woman in labor smokes crack,
leaves newborn in yard
A pregnant Florida woman was arrested for allegedly smoking
crack cocaine while in labor and leaving her newborn outside,
police said.
Katrina Kegelman, 24, of Clearwater, gave birth Monday night
at her home and left the baby in the back yard, according to
the Tampa Bay Times.
A friend “noticed blood on Kegelman’s pants” and called 911,
the Times reported. Kegelman finally motioned to firefighters
that the newborn was hidden in the yard, police said.
Kegelman told police she lied about the child because she was
afraid of getting arrested for “having smoked crack moments
before giving birth,” the Times reported.
Kegelman faces a child neglect charge. The infant is well,
according to police.
In most places use of crack, cocaine, or heroin during late
pregnancy results in automatic confiscation and adoption of
the infant by Protective Services and automatic child neglect
charges.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Bonnie
Re: phishing at the PayPal pond
Dear Webby
I know you've touched on correspondence from PayPal in the
past, but of course, I don't remember what you said! I
received
a notice to update my info with them today at the link below
(which is in German, by the way, when I click on it). Any
thoughts on whether they're who they say they are? The
msge said to update by Aug 2 or my account will go into
suspension. I know your knowledge is vast; maybe you
can help me.
Thanks!
PS. It would not hurt to post a heads-up to the newsletter.
Bonnie
Dear Dear Bonnie
That's just some crooks trying to con you into giving them
your PayPal password and info.
PayPal will NEVER ask you for that info.
They already know it!
The same goes for Ebay or any bank.
Forward PayPal spoofs to spoof@paypal.com.
If you do feel compelled to fill it out, use totally bogus
info. If some politician sends you junkmail, use his or her
name and email address, and make up the rest of the info.
It will just waste the crook's time, since it is highly
unlikely that you correctly guess that politician's password.
(unless you type in "password")
Have FUN!
DearWebby
A minister was asked to inform a man with a heart condition
that he had just inherited a million dollars. Everyone was
afraid the shock would give him a heart attack.
So the minister went to the man's house and said, "Joe, what
would you do if you inherited a million dollars?"
And Joe said, "Well, pastor, I think I would give half of
it to the church."
At which the pastor fell over dead.
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Altoid Tin to Hold Business Cards
By Judy Pariser S. [286 Posts, 2,665 Comments]
The Altoid tin is the perfect size to hold business cards. I
like to keep cards of recommended people like plumbers and
electricians before I need them. The tin keeps everything neat
and in one place.
Comment:
By Sandi/Poor But Proud [600 Posts, 2,474 Comments]
Great tip. I also get the 12 packs of waxy ear plugs from
Walmart. The container is the best size for cards and you can
see them as well.
Eagles take out drones!
____________________________________________________
There was a fairly wealthy 70 year-old man who had just
married a beautiful 25-year-old young lady.
One of his long time friends said to him, "How did you get
that gorgeous woman to marry a 70 year-old guy like you?"
The man leaned over and whispered to his friend,
"It was easy. I simply told her that I was 90 and had heart
problems, and she instantly fell in love with me."
----------
I`ll keep that in mind just in case I ever get fairly wealthy
when I turn 70!
___________________________________________________
In search of America's darkest skies.
"I'm telling you, Carol, I've never been happier, " Betty told
her friend. "I have two boyfriends. One is just
fabulous,...handsome, attentive, sensitive, caring and
considerate."
What in the world do you need the second one for?" Carol
asked?"
"Oh," Betty replied, "the other one is straight."
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
>From Linda
For many years I worked as a receptionist and switchboard
operator at a busy company. After a good annual review,
my supervisor told me I was up for a raise, pending
approval of the vice president. A month later, my supervisor
called me into his office and told me the VP had refused
to approve the raise. His reason? I clearly wasn't doing my
job. Every time he saw me, I was either chatting with
someone in the lobby or talking on the phone.
So I started doing the work for my Internet home business
while on the job, and at the next review, got my raise.
Today, on May 22
1246 Henry Raspe was elected anti-king by the Rhenish prelates
in France.
1455 King Henry VI was taken prisoner by the Yorkists at the
Battle of St. Albans, during the War of the Roses.
1570 Abraham Ortelius published the first modern atlas in
Belgium.
1761 In Philadelphia, the first life insurance policy was
issued in the U.S.
1819 The steamship Savannah became the first to cross the
Atlantic Ocean.
1841 Henry Kennedy received a patent for the first reclining
chair.
1849 Abraham Lincoln received a patent for the floating dry
dock.
1868 Near Marshfield, IN, The "Great Train Robbery" took
place. The robbery was worth $96,000 in cash, gold and bonds
to the seven members of the Reno gang.
1872 The Amnesty Act restored civil rights to Southerners.
1882 The U.S. formally recognized Korea.
1891 The first public motion picture was given in Thomas
Edison's lab.
1892 Dr. Washington Sheffield invented the toothpaste tube.
1900 The Associated Press was incorporated as a non-profit
news cooperative in New York.
1900 A. DeVilbiss, Jr. patented his pendulum-type computing
scale.
1900 Edwin S. Votey received a patent for the pianola (a
pneumatic piano player). It could be attached to any piano.
1906 The Wright brothers received a patent their flying
machine.
1939 Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini signed a military
alliance between Germany and Italy known as the "Pact of
Steel."
1947 The Truman Doctrine was enacted by the U.S. Congress to
appropriate military and economic aid for Turkey and Greece.
1955 A scheduled dance to be headlined by Fats Domino was
canceled by police in Bridgeport, Connecticut because "rock
and roll dances might be featured."
1955 Jack Benny did his last live network radio broadcast
after a run of 23 years. He devoted his time fully to TV.
1969 A lunar module of Apollo 10 flew within nine miles of the
moon's surface. The event was a rehearsal for the first lunar
landing.
1972 U.S. President Nixon became the first U.S. president to
visit Russia. He met with Soviet leader Leonid Brezhnev.
1972 The island Ceylon adopted a new constitution and became
the republic of Sri Lanka.
1977 Janet Guthrie set the fastest time of the second weekend
of qualifying, becoming the first woman to earn a starting
spot in the Indianapolis 500 since its inception in 1911.
1986 Sylvester Stallone agreed to a 10-picture, six-year deal
with United Artists. He signed for a reported $15 million for
each film.
1990 In the Middle East, North and South Yemen merged to
become a single state known as the Republic of Yemen.
1990 Microsoft released Windows 3.0.
1997 Kelly Flinn, the U.S. Air Force's first female bomber
pilot certified for combat, accepted a general discharge. She
thereby avoided court-martial on charges of adultery, lying
and disobeying an order.
1998 New information came to light about the June 1996 bombing
that killed 19 American airmen. The information indicated that
Saudi citizens had been responsible and not Iranians as once
believed.
2002 Chandra Levy's remains were found in Washington, DC's
Rock Creek Park. She was last seen on April 30, 2001.
California Congressman Gary Condit was questioned in the case
due to his relationship with Levy.
2002 In Birmingham, AL, a jury convicted former Ku Klux
Klansman Bobby Frank Cherry of murder in the 1963 church
bombing that killed four girls.
2012 In Japan, the Tokyo Skytree tower opened.
2017 smiled.
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Space Weather
Solar storms, Auroras Thesaurus
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Tech Support Pits: Re: Not getting a subscription
... not getting my subscription newsletters, not just the Humor Letter, but
others too. I can't re-sub- scribe because I am still on the list....
Dear Friends, If you are on the list, then the subscriptions are sent out
TOWARDS you. If you don't see them, then either you or your ISP are blocking
them.
Complaining to me won't fix your or your ISP's spam block. Check your spam
control program and, if necessary, white-list the missing subscription or
declare it as friendly. If your spam control program is OK, contact your
ISP.
If you are using one of those address collectors that pretend to be email
verification programs, but ask for people to fill out all kinds of information,
forget it!
NO newsletter send program will even click on a verification link, never
mind filling out some silly junkmail order form. If you want a newsletter,
it is up to YOU, to make sure that you are not blocking it.
The Humor Letter is no exception, except that you can still read it here,
on-line, at http://webby.com/humor,
even if you are blocking it in the mail.
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