Washing a keyboard 




Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, August 26

Yesterday's smoke map:



Have FUN!
Dearwebby

>From Marlene
Dear Webby, 
I used to spend hours every day hunting for decent pictures
to use in my newsletter. Some were OK, but a lot of time
people bitched. Then a friend told me to just steal them
from you. So I did. No more complaints, and a lot of time
saved.
Thank you very much!
Marlene


Today's Bonehead Award:
Dad severely beat baby daughter for 
falling while learning to walk

______________________________________________________
Today, August 26 in
55 B.C. Britain was invaded by Roman forces under 
Julius Caesar.  
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
You don't have to suffer to be a poet; adolescence is enough suffering for anyone. --- John Ciardi (1916 1986) What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say. --- Ralph Waldo Emerson ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Mia I put a roast in the oven one noon hour and set the timer, a feature I hadn't used yet. Before leaving work that afternoon, I phoned my 14-year-old son to ask him to check the roast and peel some potatoes. Minutes later he called back. "Mom, the roast isn't cooked. The oven didn't come on." The roast was on the menu again the following day, but this time, since I stopped by the house after a business lunch, I decided to turn the oven on myself. Again before leaving work, I called my son to check the roast and get the potatoes started. Again he called me back. "The roast still isn't cooked." "Listen," I said. "I know the oven's on. I turned it on before I left. I didn't use the timer." "Oh, the stove's working fine," he told me. "It's just that the roast is still in the refrigerator." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ My friend Bev and her husband were reshingling their roof. As soon as they started, they realized they needed more supplies, so Bev grabbed the checkbook, jumped into her car, and drove the 45 miles to the nearest lumberyard. After gathering the items she needed, Bev went up to the cashier and wrote a check. "I really need to see a photo ID," the clerk said. "I don't have one on me," Bev replied. The cashier called over the manager, who examined the check. Then the manager looked up and asked Bev, "Who is the Avon lady in your town?" Puzzled, Bev responded, "Maxine Thompson." "Take her check," the smiling manager said to the cashier. "Maxine is my grandmother." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A college professor had the mysterious habit of walking into the lecture hall each morning, removing a tennis ball from his jacket pocket. He would set it on the corner of the podium. After giving the lecture for the day, he would once again pick up the tennis ball, place it into his jacket pocket, and leave the room. No one ever understood why he did this, until one day. . . A student fell asleep during the lecture. The professor never missed a word of his lecture while he walked over to the podium, picked up the tennis ball and threw it, hitting the sleeping student squarely on the top of the head. The next day, the professor walked into the room, reached into his jacket, removed a baseball. No one ever fell asleep in his class the rest of the semester! ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Anthony Williams, 27, El Paso, Texas Dad severely beat baby daughter for falling while learning to walk A Texas dad is behind bars after police say he severely beat his baby girl, leaving her with life-threatening injuries. According to KFOX-TV, Anthony Williams, 27, of El Paso, was arrested Friday and charged with injury to a child after police received a report of possible family violence. When officers arrived, they found Williams' 1-year-old daughter unresponsive and critically injured, police said. She was taken to a nearby hospital. Investigators believe that "Williams struck the victim several times after she kept falling while he was 'teaching' her to walk," El Paso police said in a news release Monday. He is being held on a $750,000 bond at the El Paso County Detention Facility, the release said.
From Amanda Re: Wash Keyboard Dear Webby, I spilled soup onto my keyboard. It is only a few months old, and I don't want to replace it just yet. How do I clean it? Amanda Dear Amanda Just rinse it off in the shower, then let it drip-dry with the key side down. Modern keyboards can handle that quite OK. They are not as fast as the keyboards of the 70's and 80s and early 90s, but they are washable. Some people have even put them into a dishwasher and they survived. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
On my first day in basic training, we were lined up in a row, each of us in turn having to shout our last names. After the guy next to me had yelled, "Florence," it was my turn. I had no sooner called out my name when the training instructor was in my face, demanding to know if I was some kind of smart aleck. Satisfied that I wasn't, the red-faced TI told me never to stand next to that guy again. --- By Charles W. Nightingale
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Two snooty women were sitting in the living room, waiting for their hostess, who was slightly delayed in another room. The daughter of the family was with the two women, on the theory that she would keep the visitors occupied during the wait. The child was about six years old. She was snub nosed, spotted with splotchy freckles, buck toothed, and bespectacled. She maintained a deep silence and the two ladies peered doubtfully at her. Finally, one of the women muttered to the other, "She's not very p - r - e - t - t - y, is she?" Whereupon the child piped up, "Maybe not, but I'm quite s - m - a - r - t and I can s - p - e - l - l." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Get Rid of Monthly Storage Fees Sort through your storage unit and keep what you want, but sell or give the rest to the needy. Get out of paying those monthly storage fees! That's money wasted that you could have invested or used for vacation. A storage locker for 5 years at $75 a month would cost $4,500! Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
Mesa Verdes cliffs where some of the oldest buildings in North America are.
___________________________________________________ A sad-faced Todd walked into a flower shop early one morning. The clerk was ready to take his order for a funeral piece, based on the look on Todd's face, but soon realized his assumption was wrong as Todd asked for a basket of flowers sent to his wife for their anniversary. "And what day will that be?" the clerk asked. Glumly he replied, "Yesterday." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A guy walked into his friend's office, he found him sitting at his desk, looking very depressed. "Hey, what's up with you?", he asks. "Oh, its my wife," replied the man sadly. "She's hired a new secretary for me." "Well, nothing wrong in that. Is she blonde or brunette or a redhead ?" "Neither. Her grandfather is bald." ____________________________________________________

Today, August 26 in
55 B.C. Britain was invaded by Roman forces under Julius
Caesar. 

1498 Michelangelo was commissioned to make the "Pieta." 

1842 The first fiscal year was established by the U.S.
Congress to start on July 1st. 

1847 Liberia was proclaimed as an independent republic. 

1873 The school board of St. Louis, MO, authorized the
first U.S. public kindergarten. 

1896 In the Philippines an insurrection began against the
Spanish government. 

1920 The 19th amendment to the U.S. Constitution went into
effect. The amendment prohibited discrimination on the
basis of sex in the voting booth. 

1934 Adolf Hitler demanded that France return the Saar
region to Germany. It had been taken by France after WWI

1937 All Chinese shipping was blockaded by Japan. Some
historians claim that was the real start of WWII. 

1939 The first televised major league baseball games were
shown. The event was a double-header between the Cincinnati
Reds and the Brooklyn Dodgers. 

1945 The Japanese were given surrender instructions on the
U.S. battleship Missouri at the end of World War II. 

1957 It was announced that an intercontinental ballistic
missile was successfully tested by the Soviet Union. 

1957 The first Edsel made by the Ford Motor Company rolled
of the assembly line. 

1961 The International Hockey Hall of Fame in Toronto
opened. 

1978 Sigmund Jahn blasted off aboard the Russian Soyuz 31
and became the first German in space. 

1981 The U.S. claimed that North Korea fired an
antiaircraft missile at a U.S. Surveillance plane while it
was over South Korea. 

1987 The Fuller Brush Company announced plans to open two
retail stores in Dallas, TX. The company that had sold its
products door to door for 81 years. 

1990 The 55 Americans at the U.S. Embassy in Kuwait left
Baghdad by car and headed for the Turkish border. 

1991 Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev promised that
national elections would be held. 

1992 A "no-fly zone" was imposed on the southern 1/3 of
Iraq. The move by the U.S., France and Britain was aimed at
protecting Iraqi Shiite Muslims. 

1998 The U.S. government announced that they were
investigating Microsoft in an attempt to discover if they
"bullied" Intel into delaying new technology. 

2018  smiled.
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Rechargeable battery for wireless mouse? 




Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, August 25

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

San Francisco: To improve their crappy image, 
San Francisco Public Works has a $72.5 million-a-year
street cleaning budget — including spending $12 million a
year on what essentially have become housekeeping services
for homeless encampments.

The costs include $2.8 million for a Hot Spots crew to wash
down the camps and remove any biohazards, $2.3 million for
street steam cleaners, $3.1 million for the Pit Stop
portable toilets, plus the new $830,977-a-year Poop Patrol
to actively hunt down and clean up human waste.

By the way, the poop patrolers earn $71,760 a year, which
swells to $184,678 with mandated benefits.

Why does San Francisco have such a crappy image?
As a Sanctuary City they attract a lot of illegals who
believe because they are illegal, they can't be put in jail
or deported. They don't really want to work, otherwise they
would move to a rural town, where there is zero
unemployment. And why should they?

Life is good. Camp on a sidewalk or under an overpass, free
food at any Salvation Army soup kitchen, dope is cheap and
hookers accept dope as payment.

For sport and to protest that there is no WiFi on your
favorite sidewalk, you crap onto a sidewalk or parking lot,
where they do have WiFi. 

Except for the $184,678 / year poop patrollers, nobody
expects to see any change.

I wonder if I have to be an Illegal and registered Democrat
to be able to get that job? 



>From Kate
I love the way you deal with tele@#$%S, especially your
"Yellow", when they are fishing for your name! 
You sure got their number!

I have been using your suggestion from a few years ago to
instantly hang up if it is a robo-call waiting for me to
hit a number. Saves a lot of time!
Thanks!
Kate

Today's Bonehead Award:
St. Augustine man returns home to find 
clothes ablaze; girlfriend arrested

______________________________________________________
Today, August 25 in
1718 Hundreds of colonists from France arrived in
Louisiana. Some settled in present-day New Orleans.  
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
You don't have to suffer to be a poet; adolescence is enough suffering for anyone. --- John Ciardi (1916 - 1986) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From James  Gee, I always wondered about this... --- If you stand naked on the front porch and the neighbors can't see you…it's rural. --- If you stand naked on the front porch and the neighbors call the cops on you…it's suburban. --- If you stand naked on the front porch and the neighbors ignore you…it's urban. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend. "Shall I engrave her name on it?" the jeweler asked. The young man thought for a moment, and said, "No, just engrave the words - To My One And Only Love - Forever! That way, if we break up, I can use it again." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be . . . until the looting started. ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Sharon McGrath, 36, St Augustine Beach, Florida St. Augustine man returns home to find clothes ablaze; girlfriend got arrested A St. Johns County man called police after his girlfriend would not let him back into the house Wednesday, according to a St. Augustine Beach Police report. Officers arrested Sharon McGrath, 36, for criminal mischief. She is suspected of torching her boyfriend's clothes by stuffing them into a barrel and lighting them on fire, police said. The officer stated in the report that McGrath repeatedly said she would do "anything" if the officer would stop the patrol car in an effort to avoid going to jail. Aside from attempted bribe, that is the equivalent of admitting guilt. The report said that officers responded to the call off 11th Street just before 6:30 a.m. Wednesday. Police said in the report they could see smoke from behind the house as they arrived. The man told the officers that the shelf where all his clothes were supposed to be was empty. An officer asked to go to the backyard to see what was causing all the smoke, and that's when the barrel with the burned clothes was discovered, the report said. The man said the value of his missing clothes was around $2,000.
From Paddy Re: Rechargeable Batteries Dear Webby, Is it safe to use rechargeable batteries in a wireless mouse? Paddy Dear Paddy Yes, perfectly safe. When the voltage falls below safe levels, Windows will tell you it's time to change the batteries. I have used rechargeable batteries in my mouse for a long time and never had a problem with it. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Mrs. Spiegelbaum was called to serve for jury duty, but asked to be excused because she didn't believe in capital punishment and didn't want her personal thoughts to prevent the trial from running its proper course. But the public defender liked her thoughtfulness, and tried to convince her that she was appropriate to serve on the jury. "Madam," he explained, "This is not a murder trial! It's a simple civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case against her husband because he gambled away the $12,000 he had promised to use to remodel the kitchen for her birthday." "Well, okay," agreed Mrs. Spiegel, "I'll serve. I guess I could be wrong about capital punishment after all."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Drying Wet Shoes Don't put wet shoes near a heat source, this can shrink your shoes. You want to dry shoes at room temperature. Fill the shoes with newspaper or cloth to absorb the moisture in the inside. Change the newspaper or cloth and replace with dry every few hours until dry. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
Vaseline jar mystery menacing Calgary.
___________________________________________________ Mary was almost crazy with her three young kids. She complained to her best friend Judy: "They're driving me nuts! They give me no rest! I'm half way to the funny farm!" "What you need," said Judy, "is a playpen." So Mary bought a playpen. A few days later, Judy called to ask how things were going. "Superb! I can't believe it," Mary said. "I get in that pen with my laptop, a coffee and a chocolate bar, and the kids don't bother me for hours!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
It was very crowded at the supermarket, and this customer had a large order. As the harried-looking clerk lifted the final bag for her, its bottom gave way, sending the ontents crashing to the floor. "They just don't make these bags like they used to," the clerkblurted to the customer. "That was supposed to happen in your driveway!" ____________________________________________________

Today, August 25 in
1718 Hundreds of colonists from France arrived in
Louisiana. Some settled in present-day New Orleans. 

1814 The U.S. Library of Congress was destroyed by British
forces. 

1825 Uruguay declared independence from Brazil. 

1840 Joseph Gibbons received a patent for the seeding
machine. 

1875 Captain Matthew Webb swam from Dover, England, to
Calais, France making him the first person to swim the
English Channel. The feat took about 22 hours. 

1920 The first airplane to fly from New York to Alaska
arrived in Nome. 

1921 The U.S. signed a peace treaty with Germany. 

1939 The movie "Wizard of Oz" opened around the United
States. 

1940 Arno Rudolphi and Ann Hayward were married while
suspended in parachutes at the World’s Fair in New York
City. 

1941 Soviet and British troops invaded Iran. This was in
reaction to the Shah's refusal to reduce the number of
German residents. 

1941 Allied forces invaded Iran. Within four days the
Soviet Union and England controlled Iran. 

1941 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt signed the bill
appropriating funds for construction of the Pentagon. 

1944 Paris, France, was liberated by Allied forces ending
four years of German occupation. 

1944 Romania declared war on Germany. 

1950 U.S. President Truman ordered the seizure of U.S.
railroads to avert a strike. 

1972 In Great Britain, computerized axial tomography (CAT
scan) was introduced. 

1978 The Turin shroud believed to be the burial cloth of
Jesus Christ went on display for the first time in 45
years. 

1981 The U.S. Voyager 2 sent back pictures and data about
Saturn. The craft came within 63,000 miles of the planet. 

1983 The U.S. and the Soviet Union signed a $10 billion
grain pact. 

1987 Saudi Arabia denounced the "group of terrorists" that
ran the Iranian government. 

1988 Iran and Iraq began talks in Geneva after ending their
eight years of war. 

1990 Military action was authorized by the United Nations
to enforce the trade embargo that had been placed on Iraq
after their invasion of Kuwait. 

1991 Byelorussia declared independence from the Soviet
Union. 

1992 It was reported by researchers that cigarette smoking
significantly increased the risk of developing cataracts. 

1995 Harry Wu, human rights activist, returned to the
United States. He said the spying case against him in China
was "all lies." 

1997 The tobacco industry agreed to an $11.3 billion
settlement with the state of Florida. 

1998 A survey released said that 1/3 of Americans use the
Internet.

2018  smiled.
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Slow mail program 




Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, August 24
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Some tele@#$% called today, with the call display claiming 
"Private Caller". Well, I do have some not very bright
acquaintances, who forge "Private Caller", and even my
doctor's receptionist falls into that category.

Caller: Hello?
 Me: Yellow
Caller: Hello?
 Me: Yellow 
Caller: This is the (gobbledigook) bank cal
 Me: I don't deal with that bank
Caller: We got a check here for you
 Me: Put it into my account or else stuff it where the sun
don't shine. KLICK!

I really don't have time for those idjits.
Real banks don't call me if they have a check from or for
me, and besides, they have my email address. Also, banks
don't fake "Private Caller".

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award:
Woman run over by train after stranger 
pushed mother onto tracks

______________________________________________________
Today, August 24 in
1572 The Catholics began their slaughter of the French
Protestants in Paris. The killings claimed about 70,000
people.  
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The greatest mistake is trying to be more agreeable than you can be. --- Walter Bagehot (1826 - 1877) Let's have some new cliches. --- Samuel Goldwyn (1882 - 1974) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Dave took Mary out for a romantic dinner where conversation turned to the subject of marriage. Dave had been saving for an engagement ring, but he was in graduate school and in dire need of a new computer. Mary was understanding, telling Dave they had the rest of their lives to get engaged, so he should use his savings to buy a computer instead. During dessert, Dave suddenly reached into his pocket and pulled out an engagement ring. Mary was stunned, but after she collected herself, she looked up and prompted, "Well, don't you have something to ask me?" Dave then got down on bended knee. "Honey," he said, "will you buy me a new computer?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ >From Francisca Waiting for our aerobics class to begin, several of us were standing around in our leotards chatting about fitness and diets. One woman said that her brother-in-law had quit smoking, gone on a diet and lost weight all at the same time. Thinking to myself that no human being could possibly do this without acquiring at least one other undesirable habit for compensation, I jokingly asked her, "What did he start doing instead of these things?" After a slight pause, she smiled and said, "Well, my sister is pregnant now." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A wholesale dealer who had a lot of trouble in getting a certain retailer to pay his bills finally lost patience and wrote the merchant a threatening letter. He received the following reply: "Dear Sir: What do you mean by writing me a letter like that? Every month I place all my bills in a hat and then figure out how much money I have to pay on my accounts. Then I have my bookkeeper draw as many bills out of the hat as I have money to pay. If you don't like my way of doing business, I won't even put your bills in the hat." ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Christopher Brooklin, 28, Atlanta, Woman run over by train after stranger pushed mother onto tracks A Milwaukee woman was run over by a train in Atlanta, after investigators say a stranger pushed the woman's mother onto the tracks as the train approached. Katie Wenszell jumped onto the tracks to save her mother's life. The 28-year-old is now fighting for her own life. Wenszell and four of her sisters were in Atlanta with their mother for a girl's trip when the unthinkable happened. It was supposed to be a memorable trip, but the memories made weren't what the family ever expected. "It's been up and down," said Jerry Wenszell, Katie's father. Jerry Wenszell was at home in Wisconsin when it happened. He got a call on Sunday, Aug. 19. "She said 'Mom and Katie have been involved in a train accident.' That's just not a normal statement. That just isn't," said Wenszell. The women were at Atlanta's Midtown MARTA station when investigators say Christopher Brooklin, 28, pushed Susan Wenszell onto the tracks. "Katie seeing this, as an oncoming train is coming, jumped down to move Sue off the tracks," said Jerry Wenszell. The train went over Katie and Susan Wenszell, and Katie was wearing a backpack. "She was caught and beaten between the railroad tracks and the undercarriage of the vehicle," said Jerry Wenszell. She was dragged and critically injured, while her mother was OK. She's fighting for her life at an Atlanta hospital, in a medically-induced coma, with broken bones in her face and a severely injured shoulder. Additionally, part of her foot had to be amputated. Her father called her a hero. "Had she not done that, my wife would be coming home in a funeral box," said Jerry Wenszell. Brooklin was arrested and charged with aggravated assault and battery. Jerry Wenszell said he plans to head to Atlanta Thursday, Aug. 23 to be with his daughter. Meanwhile, a GoFundMe.com account has been set up to help pay medical expenses.
From Beth Re: Slow mail Dear Webby, My mail program is getting slower by the day, it seems. How do I fix that? Beth Dear Beth First clean out your IN mailbox. It should only have today's unread mail in it. (If you tell me I should do what I preach, you can get your own coffee!) While that may not be practical or possible, consider it a goal to strive towards. Move mail immediately, after glancing at it, to mailboxes that you name as: Urgent Soon Rainy-day Tips Ideas Friends Family Recipes Second, shorten your spam blacklist, or dump it. Spammers nowadays just forge their sending addresses anyway and never use the same one twice, so why bother with a huge blacklist? Just set the blacklist ot "age off" in 2 days. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
On a wall in a men's room: "My wife follows me everywhere" Written just below it: "I do not"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A lawyer was well into a lengthy cross-examination of a witness, stopped and said: "Your honor, a juror is asleep." The Judge ruled: "You put him to sleep; YOU wake him up." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Razor Blades in Matchbooks "Dear Dad," read the young soldier's first letter home. "I cannot tell you where I am, but yesterday I shot a polar bear." Several months later came another letter: "Dear Dad, I still cannot tell you where I am, but yesterday I danced with a hula girl." Two weeks later came yet another note: "Dear Dad, I still cannot tell you where I am, but yesterday the doctor told me I should have danced with the polar bear and shot the hula girl." Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
Vaseline jar mystery menacing Calgary.
___________________________________________________ An American attorney had just finished a guest lecture at a law school in Italy when an Italian lawyer approached him and asked, "Is it true that a person can fall down on a sidewalk in your country and then sue the landowners for lots of money?" Told that it was true, the lawyer turned to his partner and started speaking rapidly in Italian. When they stopped, the American attorney asked if they wanted to go to America to practice law. "No, no," one replied. "We want to go to America and fall down on sidewalks." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A woman rushed into the supermarket to pick up a few items. She headed for the express line where the clerk was talking on the phone with his back turned to her. "Excuse me," she said, "I'm in a hurry. Could you check me out, please?" The clerk turned, looked her up and down, and smiled, "Not bad. Quite cute, actually! But this till won't work until I talk the manager into rebooting the computer." ____________________________________________________

Today, August 24 in
0079 Mount Vesuvius erupted killing approximately 20,000
people. The cities of Pompeii, Stabiae and Herculaneum were
buried in volcanic ash. 

0410 The Visigoths overran Rome. This event symbolized the
fall of the Western Roman Empire. 

1456 The printing of the Gutenberg Bible was completed. 

1572 The Catholics began their slaughter of the French
Protestants in Paris. The killings claimed about 70,000
people. 

1814 Washington, DC was invaded by British forces that set
fire to the White House and Capitol. 

1869 A patent for the waffle iron was received by Cornelius
Swarthout. 

1891 Thomas Edison applied for patents for the kinetoscope
and kinetograph (U.S. Pats. 493,426 and 589,168). 

1912 A four-pound limit was set for parcels sent through
the U.S. Post Office mail system. 

1932 Amelia Earhart became the first woman to fly across
the U.S. non-stop. The trip from Los Angeles, CA to Newark,
NJ, took about 19 hours. 

1949 The North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO) went
into effect. The agreement was that an attack against one
of the parties would be considered "an attack against them
all." 

1954 The Communist Party was virtually outlawed in the U.S.
when the Communist Control Act went into effect. 

1959 Three days after Hawaiian statehood, Hiram L. Fong was
sworn in as the first Chinese-American U.S. senator while
Daniel K. Inouye was sworn in as the first Japanese-
American U.S. representative. 

1963 John Pennel pole-vaulted 17 feet and 3/4 inches
becoming the first to break the 17-foot barrier. 

1968 France became the 5th thermonuclear power when they
exploded a hydrogen bomb in the South Pacific. 

1985 27 anti-apartheid leaders were arrested in South
Africa as racial violence rocked the country. 

1986 Frontier Airlines shut down. Thousands of people were
left stranded. 

1989 Pete Rose, the manager of the Cincinnati Reds, was
banned from baseball for life after being accused of
gambling on baseball. 

1989 "Total war" was declared by Columbian drug lords on
their government. 

1989 The U.S. space probe Voyager 2, sent back photographs
of Neptune. 

1990 Iraqi troops surrounded foreign missions in Kuwait. 

1991 Russian President Mikhail Gorbachev resigned as the
head of the Communist Party. 

1992 China and South Korea established diplomatic
relations. 

1998 U.S. officials cited a soil sample as part of the
evidence that a Sudan plant was producing precursors to the
VX nerve gas. And, therefore made it a target for U.S.
missiles on August 20, 1998. 

1998 A donation of 24 beads was made, from three parties,
to the Indian Museum of North America at the Crazy Horse
Memorial. The beads are said to be those that were used in
1626 to buy Manhattan from the Indians. 

2001 In McAllen, TX, Bridgestone/Firestone agreed to settle
out of court and pay a reported $7.5 million to a family in
a rollover accident in their Ford Explorer. 

2001 The remains of nine American servicemen killed in the
Korean War were returned to the U.S. The bodies were found
about 60 miles north of Pyongyang. It was estimated that it
would be a year before the identies of the soldiers would
be known. 

2001 U.S. District Judge Colleen Kollar-Kotelly was
randomly picked to take over the Microsoft monopoly case.
The judge was to decide how Microsoft should be punished
for illegally trying to squelch its competitors. 

2001 NASA announced that operation of the Upper Atmosphere
Research Satellite would end by September 30th due to
budget restrictions. Though the satellite is best known for
monitoring a hole in the ozone layer over Antarctica, it
was designed to provide information about the upper
atmosphere by measuring its winds, temperatures, chemistry
and energy received from the sun. 

2006 The planet Pluto was reclassified as a "dwarf planet"
by the International Astronomical Union (IAU). Pluto's
status was changed due to the IAU's new rules for an object
qualifying as a planet. Pluto met two of the three rules
because it orbits the sun and is large enough to assume a
nearly round shape. However, since Pluto has an oblong
orbit and overlaps the orbit of Neptune it disqualified
Pluto as a planet. 

2018  smiled.
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AOL Subscription problems 




Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, August 23

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award:
Pennsylvania men face 1,460 counts each
of sex with animals

______________________________________________________
Today, August 23 in
1839 Hong Kong was taken by the British in a war with
China. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome. --- Isaac Asimov (1920 - 1992) Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862) Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe. --- H. G. Wells (1866 - 1946) History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree upon. --- Napoleon Bonaparte History is the version of past events that the winners have decided to agree upon. --- Dwight D Eisenhower ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The elderly pastor was searching his closet for his collar before church one Sunday morning. In the back of the closet, he found a small box containing 3 eggs and 1200 $1 bills. He called his wife into the closet to ask her about the box and its contents. Embarrassed, she admitted having hidden the box for their entire 25 years of marriage. Disappointed and hurt, the pastor asked her, "WHY?" The wife replied that she hadn't wanted to hurt his feelings. He asked her how the box could have hurt his feelings. She said that every time during their marriage that he delivered a poor sermon, she had placed an egg in the box. The pastor felt that 3 poor sermons in 25 years was certainly nothing to feel bad about, so he asked her what the $1200 was for. She replied, "Each time I got a dozen eggs, I sold them to the neighbors for $1. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all. ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A swimming instructor at a Los Angeles university was quizzing a group of students on Red Cross life saving and water safety techniques . They answered all of her questions easily until she posed this one: "Which article of clothing would you remove last if you fell from a boat or dock fully clothed?" Everyone mentioned something different. It was evident that no one knew the correct answer, so the instructor helped out. "The blouse," she said, "because the air gets under the blouse and acts like a buoy!" The subsequent uproar ended the class. ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Terry Wallace, 41; Marc Measnikoff, 34; and Matthew Brubaker, 32; Clearfield County, Pennsylvania Pennsylvania men face 1,460 counts of sex with animals Three Pennsylvania men face a slew of charges that includes more than 1,400 counts of having sex with animals. Terry Wallace, 41; Marc Measnikoff, 34; and Matthew Brubaker, 32; are all facing 1,460 counts of sexual intercourse with animals, according to the Clearfield District Attorney's Office. The three have also been charged with animal cruelty, endangering the welfare of children and corruption of minors. State police said in an affidavit that they received information from a 16-year-old boy living at the residence where the three men were allegedly having sex with animals, including dogs, horses, a cow, and goat. The juvenile was able to describe a specially designed "V" shaped pen that was used to facilitate the sexual contact, prosecutors allege. In the early morning hours of August 18, state police served a search warrant on the property, and took the three men into custody. A search of the property revealed a large amount of homemade videos, along with recording equipment and cameras, according to the affidavit. The teen, who police say was living on the makeshift farm, is now in protective custody. District Attorney William Shaw Jr. said in a release Monday that no evidence suggests that the 16-year-old had been sexually abused, but the investigation is ongoing "to determine the extent of mental or physical abuse the juvenile may have been exposed to." According to the release, the arrests followed what Shaw said was one of the most extreme cases of animal abuse that his office has handled. Bail has been set at $100,000 for each defendant.
From: Tuck Re: Not getting subscription Dear Webby This is the second week that i'm not getting the Humor letter. Don't know what's going on, know you are sending them just not getting them. Got this one after I replyed last week, but not any since this one. Whats going on? Tuck Dear Tuck Your subscription is being sent out towards you every day. Either you or AOL are blocking it. You will have to talk to AOL support Or get gmail. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65 year old woman has a baby. All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family. When they ask to see the baby, the 65 year old mother says "not yet." A little later they ask again to see the baby. Again the mother says "not yet." Finally they say, "When can we see the baby?" And the mother says, "When the baby cries." They all ask, "Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?" The new mother says, "because I forgot where I put it."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A man and a woman are driving down the highway when another car passes them. The woman notices that the occupants of the other car are young and obviously in love. The girl is sitting very close to her boyfriend as they cruise on down the highway. This causes the woman to think back when she and her husband were young and in love, and wondering where the show of affection had disappeared to over the years. Finally she says to her husband, "Remember when we used to be like that young couple? Where did the love go, honey?" Her question was met with a few moments of silence. Then, after glancing at his gnarled hands on the steering wheel he quietly replied, "I haven't moved." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Razor Blades in Matchbooks Empty matchbooks can be used to store razor blades. Just insert the razor blade into the bottom part of the matchbook. The strike plate can even be used to sharpen the blade in a pinch. Mark the matchbook so you know what's in it. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
Origami is a real art form. I never knew you could fold one sheet of paper in so many different ways!
___________________________________________________ A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital in his wheelchair, just before his operation. A nurse stopped him and asked, "What's the matter?" He said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple operation, don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right.'" "She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about that?" "She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the doctor!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Friend: "I suppose you carry a memento of some sort in that locket of yours?" Woman: "Yes, it's a lock of my husband's hair." Friend: "But your husband is still alive." Woman: "I know, but his hair is gone." ____________________________________________________

Today, August 23 in
1838 The first class graduated from Mount Holyoke Female
Seminary in South Hadley, MA. It was one of the first
colleges for women. 

1839 Hong Kong was taken by the British in a war with
China. 

1858 "Ten Nights in a Barroom" opened in New York City at
the National Theater. It was a melodrama about the evils of
drinking. 

1892 The printed streetcar transfer was patented by John H.
Stedman. 

1902 Fannie Merrit Farmer opened her cooking school, Miss
Farmer’s School of Cookery, in Boston, MA. 

1904 Hard D. Weed patented the grip-tread tire chain for
cars. 

1914 Tsingtao, China, was bombarded as Japan declared war
on Germany in World War I. 

1939 Nazi Germany and the Soviet Union signed a non-
aggression treaty. 

1944 During World War II, Romanian prime minister Ion
Antonescue was dismissed. Soon after the country would
abandon the Axis and flip to the Allies. 

1944 Marseilles was captured by Allied troops during World
War II. 

1952 The security pact of the Arab League went into effect.

1959 In the Peanuts comic strip, Sally debuted as an
infant. 

1962 The first live TV program was relayed between the U.S.
and Europe through the U.S. Telstar satellite. 

1979 Soviet dancer Alexander Godunov defected while the
Bolshoi Ballet was on tour in New York City. 

1982 The parliament of Lebanon elected Bashir Bemayel
president. He was assassinated three weeks later. 

1987 Robert Jarvik and Marilyn Mach vos Savant were
married. The event was called the "Union of Great Minds"
since Savant had an IQ of 228 and Jarvik was the inventor
of the artificial heart. 

1990 President Saddam Hussein appeared on Iraqi state
television with a group of Western detainees that he
referred to as "guests." He told the group that they were
being held "to prevent the scourge of war." 

1993 It was confirmed by Los Angeles police that Michael
Jackson was the subject of a criminal investigation. 

1996 U.S. President Clinton imposed limits on peddling
cigarettes to children. 

1998 Boris Yeltsin dismissed the Russian government again. 

1999 Rescuers in Turkey found a young boy that had been
buried in rubble from an earthquake for about a week. 

1999 Robert Bogucki was rescued after getting lost in the
Great Sandy Desert of Australia on July 11. During the 43
day ordeal Bogucki lost 44 pounds. 

2000 Richard Hatch was revealed as the winning castaway on
CBS' "Survivor." Hatch won $1,000,000 for his stay on the
island of Pulau Tida in the South China Sea. 

2018  smiled.
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IE messes with fonts 




Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, August 22

Interesting how the fires know!
600 + Fires out of control in Socialist BC, 
2 out of control in Free Enterprise Alberta.
The green dots are fires, that are contained and
controlled, yellow are fires in the rocks that 
can't go anywhere and will fizzle on their own.
Gray is smokey area.



Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award:
Voyeurism charges following incident 
involving 12-year-old girl

______________________________________________________
Today, August 22 in
1865 A patent for liquid soap was issued to 
William Sheppard. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
It's never just a game when you're winning. --- George Carlin (1937 - 2008) Anyone who can handle a needle convincingly can make us see a thread which is not there. --- E. H. Gombrich (1909 - ) Time you enjoyed wasting, was not wasted. --- John Lennon 1940-1980 ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Ed My girlfriend called me as she was driving to an appointment. She arrived, and I could tell from her voice that she was getting frustrated. Finally she said, "I know I had my cell phone with me. And now I can't find it!" I replied, "Aren't you talking on it!?" There was a solid period of stunned silence as the reality of the situation sank in - followed by, "You are NOT going to tell anybody about this!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ After being away on business, Tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. "How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $50.00. "That's a bit much," said Tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.00. "That's still quite a bit," Tim complained. Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15.00 bottle. "What I mean," said Tim, "is I'd like to see something really cheap." The clerk handed him a mirror. ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ One of my co-workers got a speeding ticket and was attending a defensive-driving course to have points erased from her license. The instructor, a poice officer, emphasized that being on time was crucial and that the classroom doors would be locked when each session began. Just after one class started, someone knocked on the locked door. The officer opened it and asked, "Why are you late?" The student replied, "I didn't realize how much longer it takes to get here within the speed limit.." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jorge Leon-Alfaro, 36, Salt Lake City, Utah Voyeurism charges following incident involving 12-year-old girl Salt Lake City police arrested 36-year-old Jorge Leon- Alfaro after witnesses said he tried to record the girl from an adjacent dressing room stall inside the Rue 21 store at Brickyard Plaza on Saturday, according to KSTU. The girl's mother tracked the man down and recorded her comments toward him as she waited for police to arrive. “This right here is what a predator looks like,” says the woman in the video. “I caught this guy underneath my daughter's stall while she was changing at Rue 21.” The emotional video uploaded to Facebook has been viewed more than four million times. “Not today, buddy. Not today” says the woman in the video. “I'm going to make sure your face gets out, so that you're not in any more stalls, looking under little girls dressing.” Salt Lake City police say they had witness statements and enough evidence to make an arrest. “People are aware of what's going on and paying attention,” said Detective Greg Wilking of the Salt Lake City Police Department. “Other people were paying attention, too and saw similar things that concerned them and that led to his arrest.” Leon-Alfaro faces felony charges of voyeurism of a child under 14. “I’m going to be at every, single court date,” says the woman in the video.
From: Frank Re: IE reverting to wrong font size Dear Webby Why do you state to 'stack upside down'? Secondly, Every time I open MS Internet Explorer I must change the text size from small to medium. How do I save the medium text setting to preclude changing it daily. Thank you Frank 1) The smarter coolers are a bit wider at the open end, so that you can stack them inside each other. Especially for desert or water trips, where you want to keep the dust or the water out of your stuff, coolers are very handy suitcases. Before you know it, you have accumulated a big pile of them. If you stack them upside down in the off-season, dew and dust won't accumulate in them. 2) IE will take whatever font size the program used before it had been using, or the last program before it that had a font change setter built in. Just change the overall font size through Desktop, Properties, Appearance, Settings, Advanced, DPI settings. Experiment to find the ideal font size for your eyes and monitor distance, without having to change the IE setting. Chances are that the program, which had been leaving it's font settings for IE to trip over, will now appear to have larger fonts, but they will be easier to cope with than too small fonts in IE. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
I was at the drugstore and noticed a young male cashier staring at the pretty girl in front of me. Her total came to $16.42, and after handing over a $100 bill, she waited for change. "Here you go," said the cashier, smiling as he returned the proper amount. "Have a great day!" Now I placed my items on the counter. The tally was $32.79, and I too gave the cashier a $100 bill. "I'm sorry, Sir. We can't accept anything larger than a fifty," he told me, pointing to a sign stating store policy. "But you just accepted that last girl's hundred," I reasoned. "I had to," he said. "It had her phone number on it."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
You admit having broken into the dress shop four times?" asked the judge. "Yes," answered the suspect. "And what did you steal?" "A dress, Your Honor," replied the subject. "One dress?" echoed the judge. "But you admit breaking in four times!" "Yes, Your Honor," sighed the suspect. "The first three times my wife didn't like the color." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Eliminate Food Waste Make sure to freeze leftovers if you don't think you will be able to eat them soon. Don't buy more dairy, fruits or vegetables than you can eat before they go bad. When you buy meat, always have a plan for it. Return foods to the grocery store that spoil before their expiration date. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
Amazing Images: The Best Science Photos of the Week
___________________________________________________ One morning a man came into the church on crutches. He stopped in front of the holy water, put some on both legs, and then threw away his crutches. An alter boy witnessed the scene and ran into the rectory to tell the priest what he'd just seen. "Son, you've just witnessed a miracle," the priest said. "Tell me where is this man now?" "Flat on his face over by the holy water," said the boy. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A Texan, a Russian, and a New Yorker are sitting in a restaurant in London. The waiter says, "Excuse me, but the steak on the menu is not available, as there's a shortage." The Texan asks, "What's a shortage?" The Russian asks, "What's a steak?" The New Yorker asks, "What the bloody hell does 'excuse me' mean?" ____________________________________________________

Today, August 22 in
1485 The War of the Roses ended with the death of England's
King Richard III. He was killed in the Battle of Bosworth
Field. His successor was Henry V II. 

1567 The "Council of Blood" was established by the Duke of
Alba. This was the beginning of his reign of terror in the
Netherlands. 

1642 The English Civil War began when Charles I called
Parliament and its soldiers traitors. 

1770 Australia was claimed under the British crown when
Captain James Cook landed there. 

1775 The American colonies were proclaimed to be in a state
of open rebellion by England's King George III. 

1846 The U.S. annexed New Mexico. 

1851 The schooner America outraced the Aurora off the
English coast to win a trophy that became known as the
America's Cup. 

1865 A patent for liquid soap was issued to William
Sheppard. 

1902 In Hartford, CT, U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt
became the first president of the United States to ride in
an automobile. 

1906 The Victor Talking Machine Company of Camden, NJ began
to manufacture the Victrola. The hand-cranked unit, with
horn cabinet, sold for $200. 

1910 Japan formally annexed Korea. 

1911 It was announced that Leonardo da Vinci's "Mona Lisa"
had been stolen from the Louvre Museum in Paris. The
painting reappeared two years later in Italy. 

1932 The BBC (British Broadcasting Corporation) began its
first TV broadcast in England. 

1941 Nazi troops reached the outskirts of Leningrad during
World War II. 

1951 75,052 people watched the Harlem Globetrotters
perform. It was the largest crowd to see a basketball game.


1959 Stephen Rockefeller married Anne Marie Rasmussen. Anne
had once been a maid for the powerful and wealthy
Rockefeller family. 

1972 Due to its racial policies, Rhodesia was asked to
withdraw from the 20th Olympic Summer Games. 

1973 Henry Kissinger was named Secretary of State by U.S.
President Nixon. Kissinger won the Nobel Peace Prize in the
same year. 

1984 The last Volkswagen Rabbit rolled off the assembly
line in New Stanton, PA. 

1986 Kerr-McGee Corp. agreed to pay the estate of the late
Karen Silkwood $1.38 million to settle a 10-year-old
nuclear contamination lawsuit. 

1990 U.S. President George H.W. Bush signed an order for
calling reservists to aid in the build up of troops in the
Persian Gulf. 

1990 The U.S. State Department announced that the U.S.
Embassy in Kuwait would not be closed under President
Saddam Hussein's demand. 

1990 Angry smokers blocked a street in Moscow to protest
the summer-long cigarette shortage. 

1991 It was announced by Yugoslavia that a truce ordered on
August 7th with Croatia had collapsed. 

1991 Mikhail S. Gorbachev returned to Moscow after the
collapse of the hard-liners' coup. On the same day he
purged the men that had tried to oust him. 

1992 In Rostock, Germany, neo-Nazi violence broke out
against foreigners. 

1996 U.S. President Clinton signed legislation that ended
guaranteed cash payments to the poor and demanded work from
recipients. 

2018  smiled.
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Accelerated Dial-Up vs DSL 




Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, August 21

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award:
Nassau County man, 39, batters 
78-year-old girlfriend

______________________________________________________
Today, August 21 in
1959 Hawaii became the 50th state. U.S. President
Eisenhower also issued the order for the 50 star flag.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Perpetual devotion to what a man calls his business, is only to be sustained by perpetual neglect of many other things. --- Robert Louis Stevenson (1850 - 1894) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ There are doctors and there are doctors. That's a lesson a young woman at a barbecue learns when she introduces herself to another guest. She had heard him addressed as 'doctor,' so she says, "Doctor, may I ask a question?" "Certainly," he says. "Well, I have been having a funny pain right here, above the heart." The guest interrupts her, "I'm terribly sorry, but the truth is, I'm a doctor of philosophy." "Oh," says the young woman, "I'm sorry." Embarrassed, she turns away, but curiosity gets the better of her. "Just one more question, Doctor," she says. "What kind of disease is philosophy?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A young fellow just out of medical school moves out to a small community to replace a doctor who is retiring. The older gent suggests the young one accompany him on his rounds so the community can become used to a new doctor. At the first house a woman complains, "I've been a little sick to my stomach." "Well," says the older doctor, "you've probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Why not cut back on the amount you've been eating and see if that does the trick?" As they leave the younger man says, "You didn't even examine that woman. How did you come to your diagnosis so quickly?" "I didn't have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there? When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash. That was what was probably making her sick." "Huh," the younger doctor says, "Pretty clever. I'll have to remember that." Arriving at the next house, they spend several minutes talking with a young woman. She complains that she just doesn't have the energy she once did. "I'm feeling terribly run down lately," she says. "You've probably been doing too much work for the church," the younger doctor tells her. "Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps." As they leave, the older man says, "Your diagnosis is almost certainly correct, but how did you arrive at it?" "Well, just like you at the last house, I dropped my stethoscope. When I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the preacher under the bed." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A father attends a PTA meeting where the principal explains that the school's sex education classes are to begin soon and urges the parents to have some basic discussions with their kids at home first. The father had given his older boy a "birds and bees" talk two years before and wants to spare himself the ordeal again. When he gets home, he calls the boy into the study and asks him to give his younger brother the instruction he had been given two years before. The boy agrees and rushes off to talk with his younger brother. "Hey, bro," he says, "want to know something?" "What?" the younger lad asks. "You know how a man and a woman get together when they want to have kids?" "Yeah?" "Well, Dad wants me to tell you that birds and bees and flowers do the same thing." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by David Mann, 39, Brycesville, Florida Nassau County man, 39, batters 78-year-old girlfriend A 39-year-old Nassau County man has been jailed after his arrest for battery on a person over the age of 65. The Nassau County Sheriff's Office said on a report that David Mann, who lives with his 78-year-old girlfriend, was involved in an argument over an unpaid DirecTV bill. Mann was very angry when services to the Brycesville home were turned off, the report said. Mann is accused of throwing his girlfriend down on a bed and putting his hands around her neck. The victim called deputies after the incident, the report said. Deputies discovered ammunition in the home. Mann is a convicted felon and is not allowed to live in a home with ammunition, so an additional weapons charge was added, the report said.
From Lyn Re: Dial-Up versus DSL Dear Webby With these dial-up accelerators available now, is it worth paying extra for DSL? I read that we can now get this five times faster dial-up, that is cheaper than DSL but supposedly almost as fast.. Lyn Dear Lyn Yes, some expensive bicycles are almost as fast as a car. But not quite. The accelerated dial-ups make long music downloads faster than regular dial-up, but when it comes to surfing to places that you have not been to before, or uploading files, then there is no noticeable difference from regular dial-up. If DSL is available in your area, that is your better choice. In addition to that, you will save a phone number. Dial-up and accelerated dial-up need a phone line and number. DSL doesn't. It just piggybacks as an inaudible "fuzz" on a regular voice line and does not interfere with phone and fax on that line. Once you deduct the cost of a phone line, DSL becomes actually quite cheap. One thing to keep in mind though: If your DSL ever does go down, and it CAN happen, though very rarely, get the kids or anybody who blushes easily, out of the house. Going from DSL to a temporary dial-up account does tend to cause a lot of cussing, because on DSL you do get spoiled quickly. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A little boy comes home from the playground with a bloody nose, a black eye and torn clothing. It is obvious he was in a bad fight and he lost. While his father is patching him up, he asks his son what happened. "Well, Dad," says the boy, "I challenged a kid at school to a duel, and I gave him his choice of weapons." "Uh-huh," says the father, "that seems fair." "I know, but I never thought he'd choose his big sister!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
In a small town in the Northeast, there is a rather sizable factory that hires only married men. Concerned that the factory might be practicing discrimination, a local woman calls on the manager and asks him, "Why is it you limit your employees to married men? Is it because you think women are weak? Dumb? Cantankerous? What?" "Not at all, ma'am," the manager replies. "It is because our employees are used to obeying orders, are accustomed to being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut and don't pout when I yell at them." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing Camping Coolers Before storing your coolers between camping trips, wash, dry completely and fill with crumpled newspapers. This will eliminate musty odors and mildew. It also works for camper refrigerators and iceboxes. If the coolers are properly washed with dish soap or water with a little bit of bleach, and then dried open in bright sunlight for a day, they can be stacked upside down in a shed, garage, camper or boat. Fridges are best stored with the door open. If the fridge is big enough for a small kid or pet to crawl in, you are required by law to remove the door or chain it open. Newspapers are still a good idea for hiking boots and fishing boots and waders. Have FUN! DearWebby Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
Amazing Images: The Best Science Photos of the Week
___________________________________________________ An aged farmer and his wife are leaning against the edge of their pigpen when the old woman wistfully recalls that the next week will mark their golden wedding anniversary. "Let's have a party, Homer," she suggests. "We can kill a pig." The farmer scratches his grizzled head. "Gee," he says, "I don't see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened 50 years ago." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
The old family doctor still makes house calls. One afternoon he is called to a house where a housewife is in terrible pain. He goes into the bedroom to examine her. The doctor comes out of the bedroom after only a minute and asks her husband, "Do you have a hammer?" The puzzled husband goes to the garage and returns with a hammer. The doctor thanks him and goes back into the bedroom. A minute later, he comes out and asks, "Do you have a chisel?" The husband gets him one. In the next 10 minutes, the doctor asks for and receives a pair of pliers, a screwdriver and a hacksaw. The last request gets to the man. "What are you doing to my wife?" "Not a thing," replies the doctor. "I can't get my instrument bag open." ____________________________________________________

Today, August 21 in
1680 The Pueblo Indians drove the Spanish out and took
possession of Santa Fe, NM. 

1831 Nat Turner, a former slave, led a violent insurrection
in Virginia. He was later executed. 

1841 A patent for venetian blinds was issued to John
Hampton. 

1878 The American Bar Association was formed by a group of
lawyers, judges and law professors in Saratoga, NY. 

1888 The adding machine was patented by William Burroughs. 

1923 In Kalamazoo, Michigan, an ordinance was passed
forbidding dancers from gazing into the eyes of their
partner. 

1943 Japan evacuated the Aleutian island of Kiaska. Kiaska
had been the last North American foothold held by the
Japanese. 

1945 U.S. President Truman ended the Lend-Lease program
that had shipped about $50 billion in aid to America's
Allies during World War II. 

1959 Hawaii became the 50th state. U.S. President
Eisenhower also issued the order for the 50 star flag. 

1963 In South Vietnam, martial law was declared. Army
troops and police began to crack down on the Buddhist anti-
government protesters. 

1984 Clint Eastwood was given a star on the Hollywood Walk
of Fame. 

1989 Voyager 2, a U.S. space probe, got close to the
Neptune moon called Triton. 

1991 The hard-line coup against Soviet President Mikhail
Gorbachev ended. The uprising that led to the collapse was
led by Russian federation President Boris Yeltsin. 

1993 NASA lost contact with the Mars Observer spacecraft.
The fate of the spacecraft was unknown. The mission cost
$980 million. 

1994 Ernesto Zedillo won the Mexican presidential election.

1997 Hudson Foods Inc. closed a plant in Nebraska after it
had recalled 25 million pounds of ground beef that was
potentially contaminated with E. coli 01557:H7. It was the
largest food recall in U.S. history. 

1997 Afghanistan suspended its embassy operations in the
United States. 

2002 In Pakistan, President General Pervez Musharraf
unilaterally amended the Pakistani constitution. He
extended his term in office and granted himself powers that
included the right to dissolve parliament. 

2003 In Ghana, businessman Gyude Bryant was selected to
oversee the two-year power-sharing accord between Liberia's
rebels and the government. The accord was planned to guide
the country out of 14 years of civil war.

2018  smiled.
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Multiple data plug-in units 




Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, August 20

Still smokey and cold ash falling. Feels weird, like tiny
drops of rain, that evaporate, before they hit the
sidewalk, and don't leave a dark spot. Reminds me that we
are lucky. We only have smoke and ash, on the other side of
the Rockies they have 600 wild fires, most of them out of
control. I sure feel sorry for those people!

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award:
Police arrest man after third 
break-in in one week at same daycare

______________________________________________________
Today, August 20 in
1741 Danish navigator Vitus Jonas Bering, sailing for the
Russian navy, discovered Alaska. 
Outsiders first discovered Alaska in 1741 when Danish
explorer Vitus Jonassen Bering sighted it on a voyage from
Siberia. Russian whalers and fur traders on Kodiak Island
established the first settlement in Alaska in 1784.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget. --- Thomas Szasz, ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Steve considers himself fairly strong, but was dismayed that that he couldn't even lift the 35 pound barbell in the Sporting Goods area. He tried but just simply couldn't lift it. So he tried the 15 pound bar. He still couldn't budge it and looked quite depressed about his own physical strength. I have never done any weight lifting, but after spending many years in the bush and in mines, those silly toys looked like no problem at all. So I grabbed one and yanked it up with a good tug, - and knocked the display over. OOOPS! That's when we realized they had been epoxied onto the shelves. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to María Guadalupe for this story: Two Mexicans are riding along Pacific Coast Highway on a motorcycle. They break down and start hitching a lift. A friendly trucker stops to see if he can help and the Mexicans ask him for a lift. He tells them he has no room in as he is carrying 20,000 bowling balls. The Mexicans put it to the driver that if they can manage to fit in the back with their bike will he take them and he agrees. They manage to squeeze themselves and their motorbike into the back of the trailer, so the driver shuts the doors and gets on his way. By this time he is really late and so puts his foot down. Sure enough the Highway Patrol pulls him over for speeding. The good officer asks the driver what he is carrying to which he replies jokingly-- "Mexican eggs". The policeman obviously doesn't believe this so wants to take a look. He opens the back door and quickly shuts it and locks it. He gets on his radio and calls for immediate backup from as many officers as possible. The dispatcher asks what emergency he has that requires so many officers. "I've got a Tractor-trailer here with 20,000 Mexican eggs in it - 2 have hatched and they have already managed to steal a motorcycle. ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A woman loses both ears in an accident. A plastic surgeon she consults tells her that ear transplants are still in the testing stage, but he will do what he can. The woman undergoes the operation, and after a time she returns to the surgeon's office to have the bandages removed and the stitches taken out. After examining her, the doctor tells her everything seems to have gone well, and she seems pleased with his work. The next day, however, she calls the plastic surgeon in a rage. "You know what you did?" she screams. "You gave me a man's ears." "Well," says the surgeon, "an ear is an ear. What's wrong? Can't you hear?" "I hear everything," she says. "The problem is I don't understand anything I'm told." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Liddell McGrier, 43, Jacksonville, Florida Police arrest man after third break-in in one week at same daycare A man is facing charges after officers found him hiding in the ceiling of a Jacksonville day care. Taki Starkes-Parrish said she had just left Juzt Kidz Learning Center on Winton Road Sunday when she got a call from her security company. Taki Starkes-Parrish, Owner The company told her there was an unauthorized entry to her day care – for the third time in a week. The suspected burglar – 43-year-old Liddell McGrier – was still there when she and police got there. Officers surrounded the building and found him inside the attic. “He had literally punched a hole in the ceiling, climbed into it some type of way,” Starkes-Parrish said. They could literally see the insulation going up and down, up and down. Guess he was breathing hard.” Starkes-Parrish said Mcgrier fell through the ceiling as officers tried to escort him out of the attic. “It’s a great deal of damages,” she said. “You can see insulation, you can see sheet rock all on the floor.” McGrier is facing a burglary charge. Starkes-Parrish said she believes he’s behind two other break-ins at the daycare. A computer, food and paper goods were stolen. Starkes- Parrish said the burglar or burglars also made sandwiches during the break-ins. “If you were hungry, I mean really, we would’ve fed you,” she said. She said she is grateful to the officers who arrested him. “To go up in a dark attic and look for a criminal who could’ve actually had a gun, could’ve had a knife. They put themselves in harm's way and I’m just really grateful.”
From: Jerry Re: Multi-Plug-In unit Dear Webby First of all, thanx for offering the large type option to those of us who are superannuated. I go back to the days when your connections to accessories (printers, scanners, etc.) and you had many sizes and fittings. My Dell (surprise) has only a few ports for my accessories. Is there a multi-plug unit available so I can keep my connectors in one place? Thank you Jerry Dear Jerry Yes, there sure is. There are some, rather expensive, docking stations still qavailable from the days when we had serial and parallel ports and things like that. Nowadays everything connects via USB ports. All you need is one or two USB hubs, and maybe a USB extension cord. Plug the USB extension cord into the computer and bring it up to the monitor. Attach your USB hubs to the side of the monitor, where they USB outlets SHOULD be. Anybody listening? The monitor runs off USB and could easily handle a dozen USB sockets! Glue or velcro your USB hubs to the side of the monitor. Attach the chinzy short cable of the first USB hub to your USB extension cable, and connect the short cable of the second hub into one socket on the first hub. You can, if necesary, daisy-chain any number of USB hubs like that. After you glue the hubs to the side of the monitor, you can plug and UNplug devices without crawling under the desk and messing around in the dark. With the new, flat monitors you can glue the hubs behind it, so that just the sockets stick out on the side. You will be the envy of all your acquaintances. Monitors with built in USB hubs won't be available for a few years yet. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Two confirmed bachelors are talking and their conversation drifts from politics to cooking. "I got a cookbook last Christmas," says the first, "but I could never do anything with it." "Too much fancy cooking in it, eh?" asks the second. "You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way, 'Take a clean dish and ...'" -------------- I have a few years ago reverted to being an untamed bachelor, but I learned in the 70s that washing dishes is the best way to heal hands, that have work related wounds, especially concrete sores. So I quite enjoy washing dishes. Putting them away is another story, though :D
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Two sweet young ladies are driving through Louisiana. When they reach the town of Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the name. They argue back and forth until they stop for lunch. As they stand at the counter, one asks the manager, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please tell us where we are? We're having trouble deciding how to pronounce it." The manager leans over the counter and says, "Goodness Gwecious Nee, you ahh at Belga Kink." (Burger King) ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Saving Money on Meat Make multiple meals with the same cut of meat. For example, if you buy ham or roast, plan on making a large pot of soup with the leftovers. Whole chickens can be less expensive than chicken pieces and the bones can be used for soup stock. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
Italian Sculpture Garden
___________________________________________________ Ancient Classic: Jack was going to be married to Jill, so his father sat him down for a little fireside chat. He said "Jack, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants and handed them to your mother, and said, 'Here, try these on.' "So, she did and said, 'These are too big, I can't wear them.' "I replied, 'Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will.' "Ever since that night we have never had any problems." "Hmmm, "said Jack. He thought that might be a good thing to try. So on his honeymoon, Jack took off his pants and said to Jill, "Here try these on." So she did and said, "These are too large, they don't fit me." Jack said, "Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will, and I don't want you to ever forget that." Then Jill took off her pants and handed them to Jack and said, "Here, you try on mine." So he did and said, "I can't get into your pants." Jill said, "Exactly. And if you don't change your smart ass attitude, you never will." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A man is away on a business trip for a few days, and when he returns, his wife tells him that the dog really missed him. "She spent every night at the front door, awaiting your return," she says. "What an example of true love," her husband replies. "I wonder if you would be that concerned about me?" "Honey," she answers, "if you were gone overnight, and I didn't know where you were, you can be sure I'd be waiting for you at the front door, marble rolling pin in hand." ____________________________________________________

Today, August 20 in
1741 Danish navigator Vitus Jonas Bering, sailing for the
Russian navy, discovered Alaska. 
Outsiders first discovered Alaska in 1741 when Danish
explorer Vitus Jonassen Bering sighted it on a voyage from
Siberia. Russian whalers and fur traders on Kodiak Island
established the first settlement in Alaska in 1784.

1866 The National Labor Union in the U.S. advocated an
eight-hour workday. 

1866 It was formally declared by U.S. President Andrew
Johnson that the American Civil War was over. The fighting
had stopped months earlier. 

1882 Tchaikovsky's "1812 Overture" debuted in Moscow. 

1914 German forces occupied Brussels, Belgium, during World
War I. 

1918 The British opened its Western Front offensive during
World War I. 

1923 The first American dirigible, the "Shenandoah," was
launched in Lakehurst, NJ. The ship began its maiden voyage
from the same location on September 4. 

1940 France fell to the Germans during World War II. 

1953 It was announced by the Soviet Union that they had
detonated a hydrogen bomb. 

1955 In Morocco and Algeria hundreds of people were killed
in anti-French rioting. 

1955 Colonel Horace A. Hanes, a U.S. Air Force pilot, flew
to an altitude of 40,000 feet. Hanes reached a speed of
822.135 miles per hour in a Super Sabrejet. 

1967 The New York Times reported about a noise reduction
system for album and tape recording developed by
technicians R. and D.W. Dolby. Elektra Record's subsidiary,
Checkmate Records became the first label to use the new
Dolby process in its recordings. 

1968 The Soviet Union and other Warsaw Pact nations began
invading Czechoslovakia to crush the "Prague Spring"
liberalization. 

1977 Voyager 2 was launched by the United States. The
spacecraft was carrying a 12 inch copper phonograph record
containing greetings in dozens of languages, samples of
music and sounds of nature. 

1985 The original Xerox 914 copier was presented to the
Smithsonian Institute's Museum of American History. Chester
Carlson was the man who invented the machine. 

1991 A rally of more than 100,000 people occurred outside
the Russian parliament building to protest the coup that
removed Gorbachev from power. 

1997 NATO troops seized six police stations in Banja Luka
that had been held by troops controlled by former Bosnian
Serb President Radovan Karadzic. 

1997 Britain began voluntary evacuation of its Caribbean
island of Montserrat due to the volcanic activity of the
Soufriere Hills. 

1998 Canada's Supreme Court announced that Quebec could not
secede without the federal government's consent. 

1998 U.S. military forces attacked a terrorist camp in
Afghanistan and a chemical plant in Sudan. Both targets
were chosen for cruise missile strikes due to their
connection with Osama bin Laden. 

1998 The U.N. Security Council extended trade sanctions
against Iraq for blocking arms inspections. 

2010 The last American combat brigade exited Iraq after
more than seven years after the U.S.-led invasion began. 

2018  smiled.
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If Mailwasher seems stuck 




Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, August 19

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award:
Brit vacationer demands compensation because
there were too many Spaniards in Spain

______________________________________________________
Today, August 19 in
1960 Two dogs were launched in a satellite into Earth's
orbit by the Soviet Union. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
- More quotations on: [Morning] No one goes there nowadays, it's too crowded. --- Yogi Berra (1925 - ) If you look good and dress well, you don't need a purpose in life. --- Robert Pante ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The new preacher was a dead ringer for Conway Twitty. One day he decided to visit some of the church members who hadn't been to service lately. He went to the first lady's house and knocked on the door. When she answered the door, she said, "Conway Twitty!" "No ma'am," he replied. "I'm your new pastor, and I just stopped by to have a prayer with you." So she said come right on in. He visited several more homes, and everyone thought he was Conway Twitty. Then he came to a widow woman's house on the end of the street. She was taking a shower at the time, so she just wrapped a towel around her and opened the door. When she saw her caller, she threw up her hands - which allowed the towel to fall to the floor. "Oh my God!" she exclaimed. "It's Conway Twitty!" And he said, "Hello, Darlin!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A minister was asked to inform a man with a heart condition that he had just inherited a million dollars. Everyone was afraid the shock would give him a heart attack. So the minister went to the man's house and said, "Joe, what would you do if you inherited a million dollars?" And Joe said, "Well, pastor, I think I would give half of it to the church." At which the pastor fell over dead. ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ There was a very wealthy 70 year-old man who had just married a beautiful 25-year-old young lady. One of his long time friends said to him, "How did you get that gorgeous woman to marry a 70 year-old guy like you?" The man leaned over and whispered to his friend, "It was easy. I simply told her that I was 90 and had heart problems, and she instantly fell in love with me." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Freda Jackson, 81, Blackburn, Lancashire, England Brit vacationer demands compensation because there were too many Spaniards in Spain Toni Mayor, the President of the Benidorm Hotel Owners Association, thinks Brits keep complaining about things just so they can get compensation. He was reacting to the case of Freda Jackson, an 81-year-old British grandmother, who recently said there were too many Spanish people at her hotel in Benidorm. Ms Jackson, from Blackburn, Lancashire, said: ‘The hotel was full of Spanish holidaymakers and they really got on our nerves because they were just so rude. ‘One evening a Spanish guy nearly knocked me flying and he just walked off without even apologising. ‘The entertainment in the hotel was all focused and catered for the Spanish – why can’t the Spanish go somewhere else for their holidays?’ She had demanded compensation from Thomas Cook after calling the locals rude and saying they got on her nerves.
From: Ann Re: Mailwasher stuck Dear Webby Could you tell me why Mail Washer Pro, isn't working right??? All of a sudden, I have to separate the spam myself, and the icon doesn't blink anymore when new e mail arrives. Yesterday, it stopped working altogether and all my mail went into my outlook, I unchecked the boxes, send and receive e mail on start up and, check for messages every so many minutes Thanks Ann Dear Ann I had to ask the good folks at MailWasher about that. Jeremy told me that it seems that a power failure or crash shut it down too quickly, before it could tuck it's marbles away and close it's restore bin and training archive. No panic. Click on HELP, About, and on the link to where those files are at the bottom there. Then close MailWasher. Windows can't delete those files while MailWasher is trying to open them. Once MailWasher is closed, delete the "Trash.rot135" file and the "Training" Folder. After that MailWasher will start up normally and work fine. Jeremy also suggested that you might be due for a free update to the current version. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends. "The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. Entertain. And stay home at night!" An old granny overheard and spoke up, "Girl, if that's all you want, get a TV!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Saving Money at Starbucks Save money at Starbucks by ordering smaller beverages. If you currently order a grande, try scaling back to a tall. You can also try to make Starbucks a reward rather than a daily habit. It's a bit beyond me why anybody would want to pay big money for burned dish water, no refills, and work as waiter or waitress on top of it. Must be some weird cult! Luckily there are usually some restaurants close by, where one can get a sandwich and a decent coffee, with free refills, served with a smile, for what ONE paper cup of self serve burned dish water from a snooty "barista" costs at Starbucks. DearWebby Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
Walter the Stone Carver. Take a look at his galleries, he's very talented.
___________________________________________________ A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's department store. Shyly, he walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "Yeah... Um... I'da... I'd like to buy a bra for my wife." "What type of bra?" asked the clerk. "Type?" inquired the man. "There's more than one type?" "Look around," said the saleslady, as she brought his attention to a sea of bras in every shape, size color and material imaginable. "Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras," informed the sales clerk. Confused, the man asked what she meant. The saleslady said, "As I said, 4 types: The Catholic type, the Salvation Army type, the Presbyterian type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?" Still confused the man asked, "What is the difference between them?" The lady responded plainly, "It is all really quite simple. The Catholic type supports the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, the Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright, and the Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Doug and Bill were at the racetrack. Doug says, "You know, if you win $600 on a race, the track tells the government." Bill says, "Well it could be worse." Doug replies, "What could be worse than telling the government you won $600." Bill sighs, "Telling your wife." ____________________________________________________

Today, August 19 in
1812 "Old Ironsides" (the USS Constitution) won a battle
against the British frigate Guerriere east of Nova Scotia. 

1848 The discovery of gold in California was reported by
the New York Herald. 

1856 Gail Borden received a patent for his process of
condensing milk by vacuum. 

1909 The first car race to be run on brick occurred at the
Indianapolis Motor Speedway. 

1917 Team managers John McGraw and Christy Matthewson were
arrested for breaking New York City's blue laws. The crime
was their teams were playing baseball on Sunday. 

1919 Afghanistan gained independence from Britain. 

1929 "Amos and Andy," the radio comedy program, made its
debut on NBC starring Freeman Gosden and Charles Correll. 

1934 Adolf Hitler was approved for sole executive power in
Germany as Fuehrer. 

1940 The new Civil Aeronautics Administration awarded
honorary license #1 to Orville Wright. 

1942 About 6,000 Canadian and British soldiers launched a
raid against the Germans at Dieppe, France. They suffered
about 50 percent casualties. 

1960 Francis Gary Powers, an American U-2 pilot, was
convicted of espionage in Moscow. 

1960 Two dogs were launched in a satellite into Earth's
orbit by the Soviet Union. 

1974 During an anti-American protest in Nicosia, Cyprus,
U.S. Ambassador Rodger P. Davies was fatally wounded by a
bullet while in the American embassy. 

1981 Two Libyan SU-22s were shot down by two U.S. Navy F-14
fighters in the Gulf of Sidra. 

1991 Soviet hard-liners announced that President Mikhail
Gorbachev had been removed from power. Gorbachev returned
to power two days later. 

1998 The first piece of the 351 foot bronze statue of
Christopher Columbus arrived in San Juan, Puerto Rico. 

1999 In Belgrade, thousands of Serbs attended a rally to
demand the resignation of Yugoslavia's President Slobodan
Milosevic. 

2004 Google Inc. stock began selling on the Nasdaq Stock
Market. The initial price was set at $85 and ended the day
at $100.34 with more than 22 million shares traded. 

2016 A federal judge ordered Hillary Clinton to answer
questions from the watchdog group Judicial Watch in writing
about her use of a private email server while she was
secretary of state. 

2018  smiled.
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Part of a CD to bookmark or favorite 




Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, August 18

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Burglary suspect arrested after 
stealing Oklahoma deputy’s patrol car
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, August 18 in
1587 Virginia Dare became the first child to be born on
American soil of English parents. The colony that is now
Roanoke Island, NC, mysteriously vanished. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing. --- Michael Pritchard Whenever you hear the consensus of scientists agrees on something or other, reach for your wallet, because you're being had. --- Michael Crichton (1942 - 2008) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ So one day, Gramma sent her grandson Johnny down to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Gramma's kitchen. "Well now, where's my bucket and where's my water?" Gramma asked him. "I can't get any water from that water hole, Gramma" exclaimed Johnny. "There's a BIG ole' alligator down there!" "Now don't you mind that ole' alligator, Johnny. He's been there for many years now, and he's never hurt no one. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!" "Well, Gramma," replied Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Jill was out driving her car and while stopped at a red light, the car just died. It was a busy intersection and the traffic behind her starting growing. The guy in the car directly behind her started honking his horn continuously as Jill continued to try getting the car to start up again. Finally Jill gets out of her car and approaches the guy in the car behind her. "I can't seem to get my car started," Jill said, smiling. "Would you be a sweetheart and go and see if you can get it started for me. I'll stay here in your car and honk your horn like a demented idjit for you." ______________________________________________________ The Lady Gouldian finch is a small, multi-colored bird. Both sexes are covered in green, yellow, blue, purple, red, and black. They are endemic to Australia, preferring tropical savanna woodland habitats in the northern part of the country. In 1992, it was classified as endangered in the wild with less than 2,500 specimens. This bird is, however, popular with people and in the late 1990’s, there were over 13,000 in captivity. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Three lawyers and three engineers are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three lawyers each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked one of the three lawyers. "Watch and you'll see," answers one of the engineers. They all board the train. The lawyers take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The lawyers saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the lawyers decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket," asks one perplexed lawyer. "Watch and you'll see," says one of the engineers. When they board the train the three lawyers cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the lawyers are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jason Ostrom, Ninnekah, Oklahoma Burglary suspect arrested after stealing Oklahoma deputy’s patrol car An easily-identifiable suspect is behind bars after he allegedly stole a patrol car on Monday night. On Monday night, deputies with the Grady County Sheriff’s Department were investigating the burglary of a home in Ninnekah. When they arrived at the scene, deputies were able to take Jason Ostrom into custody. After handcuffing Ostrom, a deputy placed him in the backseat of a patrol car while he spoke with the victim of the burglary. According to the Chickasha Express Star, Ostrom was able to climb into the front seat and take off in the deputy’s patrol car. Authorities say Ostrom collided with the side of a Ninnekah patrol car, led officers on a chase and crashed the deputy’s car into a ditch. Ostrom was taken into custody a short time later. He is now facing charges of second-degree burglary, leaving the scene of an accident, malicious injury to property, obstructing an officer, drug possession, eluding, unauthorized use of a vehicle and escape after lawful arrest.
From: Daniel Re: CD to Favorite Dear Webby another question. is it possible to add a song that i am playing from a cd on my computer to " favorites " ? thanks again, daniel Dear Daniel With some browsers you can, but you can always make a desktop shortcut to it. It will only work when you got that particular CD in the machine. If you want it to work at all times, copy that song to the hard drive and THEN make a desktop shortcut to it. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother," she asked, "is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family of seven) answered with a sad and disappointed voice, "Thou shall not kill."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
An old man in Mississippi was sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm. He yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" Boy yells back "Roll of chicken wire." Old man says "What you gonna do with that?" Boy says "Gonna catch some chicken." Old man yells "You damn fool, you can't catch chicken with chicken wire!" Boy just laughs and keeps walking. That evening at sunset the boy comes walking by and to the old man's surprise he is dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chicken caught in it. Same time next morning the old man is out watching the sun rise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something kind of round in his hand. Old man yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" Boy yells back "Roll of duck tape." Old man says "What you gonna do with that?" Boy says back "Gonna catch me some ducks." Old man yells back, "You damn fool, you can't catch ducks with duck tape!" Boy just laughs and keeps walking. That night around sunset the boy walks by coming home and to the old man's amazement he is trailing behind him the unrolled roll of duck tape with about 35 ducks caught in it. Same time next morning the old man sees the boy walking by carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end. Old man says "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" Boy says "It's a pussy willow." Old man says "Wait up.... I'll get my hat." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use a blower or broom to clean grass clippings off your walkways and mower. Make sure to remove grass from any drains to prevent clogging. Compost bagged clippings instead of throwing them away or just leave them to mulch the lawn. If you try composting lawn grass, make sure you mix in fluff, or it will kill your compost. Anything loose will work. Peat moss is fine, left over garden soil, kitchen garbage, shredded cardboard, etc. Without that you will get a locking layer that will stop the compost from working until you dig it over into the alternate bin. Usually it is much easier to just mulch the lawn clippings right back onto the lawn. Have FUN! DearWebby Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Tattooing in the Civil War Was a Hedge Against Anonymous Death
___________________________________________________ A man in a hurry taking his 8-year-old son to school, made a turn at a red light where it was prohibited. "Uh-oh, I just made an illegal turn!" the man said. "Aw, Dad, it's okay" the son said. "The police car right behind us did the same thing." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Walking through the hallways at the middle school where I work, I saw a new substitute teacher standing outside his classroom with his forehead against a locker. I heard him mutter, "How did you get yourself into this?" Knowing that he was assigned to a difficult class, I tried to offer moral support. "Are you okay?" I asked. "Can I help?" He lifted his head and replied, "I'll be fine as soon as I get this kid out of his locker." ____________________________________________________

Today, August 18 in
1227 The Mongol conqueror Ghengis Khan died. 

1587 Virginia Dare became the first child to be born on
American soil of English parents. The colony that is now
Roanoke Island, NC, mysteriously vanished. 

1846 Gen. Stephen W. Kearney and his U.S. forces captured
Santa Fe, NM. 

1894 The Bureau of Immigration was established by the U.S.
Congress. 

1914 The "Proclamation of Neutrality" was issued by U.S.
President Woodrow Wilson. It was aimed at keeping the U.S.
out of World War I. 

1919 The "Anti-Cigarette League of America" was formed in
Chicago IL. 

1937 The first FM radio construction permit was issued in
Boston, MA. The station went on the air two years later. 

1938 The Thousand Islands Bridge was dedicated by U.S.
President Franklin D. Roosevelt. The bridge connects the
U.S. and Canada. 

1940 Canada and the U.S. established a joint defense plan
against the possible enemy attacks during World War II. 

1958 Vladimir Nabokov's novel "Lolita" was published. 

1963 James Meredith graduated from the University of
Mississippi. He was the first black man to accomplish this
feat. 

1966 The first pictures of earth taken from moon orbit were
sent back to the U.S. 

1990 The first shots were fired by the U.S. in the Persian
Gulf Crisis when a U.S. frigate fired rounds across the bow
of an Iraqi oil tanker. 

1991 An unsuccessful coup was attempted against President
Mikhail S. Gorbachev. The Soviet hard-liners were
responsible. Gorbechev and his family were effectively
imprisoned for three days while vacationing in Crimea. 

1997 Beth Ann Hogan became the first coed in the Virginia
Military Institute's 158-year history. 

1998 Mrs. Field's Original Cookies announced that they
would acquire the Great American Cookie Co. 

2004 Donald Trump unveiled his board game (TRUMP the Game)
where players bid on real estate, buy big ticket items and
make billion-dollar business deals.

2018  smiled.


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Remove, he said 




Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, August 17
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


The smoke is back. 
BC has 566 wildfires burning out of control and flying
embers and burning branches starting new fires every day. 

So far this year more than 1,800 fires have charred some
380,000 hectares (939,000 acres).

Last year saw 1.2m hectares (2,965,264 acres) scorched by
fires raging in the BC province. 
Even though that is only aboout one third of the fires from
last year and a long way from a record, we seem to get
more
smoke than usual.
Yukon, please send us some fresh, cool air!

Congratulations to Gary and Pam, subscribers in the Yukon,
who are getting married today!

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Man arrested for smashing police cruiser 
window with a brick charged with a hate crime
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, August 17 in
1998 U.S. President Clinton admitted to having an improper
relationship with Monica Lewinsky, a White House intern.  
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Frank Wilczek (1951 - ) Silent gratitude isn't very much use to anyone. --- Gertrude Stein (1874 - 1946) Today's scientists have substituted mathematics for experiments, and they wander off through equation after equation, and eventually build a structure which has no relation to reality. --- Nikola Tesla, Modern Mechanics and Inventions, July, 1934 (Tesla was the inventor of ALL the AC motors) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ After buying her kids a pet hamster, after they PROMISED they would take care of it, Mom, as usual, ended up with the responsibility. One evening, exasperated, she asked them, "How many times do you think that hamster would have died if I hadn't looked after it?" After a moment, her 5-year-old son replied quizzically, "Er.... Once?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ IF WEBSITES HAD WARNING LABELS Google: "Warning! You may actually find more than what you're looking for." Blogs: "Will cause drowsiness." Microsoft: "Warning! Bill Gates isn't *ever* going to share his money with YOU." Facebook: "Age, gender, and attractiveness of members may differ from what is posted." Apple Computers: "Warning! High Smug Advisory." Wikipedia: "Warning label does not exist. Would you like to create warning label?" iTunes: "Be alert for falling album sales and shifting music industry paradigms." YouTube: "Warning! Contents may be stupid." Match.com: "Contents may just be fictitious." ______________________________________________________ Commuter Broom _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ If the car ad claims... It really means: - rough condition... too bad to lie about - parts car... beyond repair - immaculate... recently washed - engine quiet... if you use 90-weight oil - needs minor overhaul... needs engine - needs major overhaul... Phone the junkyard - burns no oil... (it all leaks out) - rebuilt engine... Cleaned the spark plugs. - Drive it away... I live on a hill. - Drive it anywhere... (within 10 miles) - desirable classic... No one wants it. - rare classic... No one wanted it even when it was new. - stored 20 years... (in a farmer's field) - ran when stored... Won't start - my grandmother's car... First gear is worn out - good rubber.... A few years ago - needs inspection.... Can't find a mechanic who will lie - was just driven by a little old lady... I actually fell for that when I was a new immigrant in 1970. ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Devon Adams-Almstad, 20, Hartford, Connecticut Man arrested for smashing police cruiser window with a brick charged with a hate crime A police department in the state of Connecticut is arguing that recent attacks against police officers involving a man who threw bricks through a cruiser window are guilty of committing a “hate crime.” Why? Because the man said he “hated white cops.” Ironically, the suspect himself is white. What a world we live in, right? You can’t make this stuff up. A Connecticut police department is arguing that attacks against officers count as a hate crime after a man threw a brick through a cruiser window and reportedly said he “hates white cops.” The Hartford Courant reported that 20-year-old Devon Adams- Almstad was charged with first-degree criminal mischief, assault on police, reckless endangerment, hate crime and breach of peace after throwing the brick that narrowly missed an officer’s head and left him with cuts from the window’s broken glass. According to the police report, the man claimed he “he hates white police officers because they shoot black people and that he hates all of us” at some point during the incident. Perhaps a nice stint in prison will help straighten this guy out and help him grow up a bit. Nayve it is not too late to cleanse his brain of liberalism and try to make something out of his life.
From: Hugh@ Yahoo Re: REMOVE! Hugh Roberts wrote: Please remove my address from all your servers. Dear Hugh You don't have an account with us and I can't remove your address from anything. Most likely you have been fooled by some spoofs, that were sent to you by the Yahoo Spoof&Spam server. Can't help you there. You will have to contact Yahoo yourself. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A church had a man in the choir who couldn't sing. Several people hinted to him that he could serve in other places, but he continued to come to the choir. The choir director became desperate and went to the pastor. "You've got to get that man out of the choir," he said. "If you don't, I'm going to resign. The choir members are going to quit too. Please do something." So the pastor went to the man and suggested, "Perhaps you should leave the choir." "Why should I get out of the choir?" he asked. "Well, five or six people have told me you can't sing." That's nothing," the man snorted. "Fifty people have told me that you can't preach!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
FACTS OF LIFE Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content. Home is where you can say anything you like, 'cause nobody listens to you anyway. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with. I don't have a big ego. I'm way too cool for that. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the 'terminal'? Regular naps prevent old age..... especially if you take them while driving. If God had intended for man to use the metric system, Jesus would have only had ten disciples! I have learned there is little difference in husbands, you might as well keep the first. Travel is very educational. I can now say "Kaopectate" in seven different languages. I was on a date recently, and the guy took me horseback riding. That was kind of fun, until we ran out of quarters." Women should not have children after 35. Really... 35 children are enough. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at bowling alleys. After all is said and done, usually more is said than done. I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been giving me lately! "No one ever says "It's only a game," when their team is winning." I gave my son a hint. On his room door I put a sign: CHECKOUT TIME IS 18." "How come we choose from just two people for president and 50 for Miss America?" How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on. On my first day of school my parents dropped me off at the wrong nursery. There I was... surrounded by trees and bushes. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Workshop Outlets Clean Getting sawdust or other matter in your outlets can be dangerous. Put child safety covers on outlets that are not in use in your workshop. You can use a vacuum or canned air to clean them out. DON'T use canned air! Don't even allow it near your house! If you HAVE to fling sawdust and stuff into your eyes and down your cleavage, use a tire pump, either a manual or an electric one. Those cheap 12 Volt emergency tire pumps connected to a trickle-charger work quite fine, especially for blowing across epoxy varnish to suck the bubbles out. But don't let those air cans near your house if you have teens! They "huff" the stuff to get high, and every year a bunch of them die. Ideal is an old canister vaccuum placed outside and in a large plastic garbage can with a hole in the lid. The plastic garbage can muffles the noise, and you can attach a return hose to bring the filtered air back inside. If you don't have a return hose, the air removed by the vacuum is replaced by uncontrolled drafts, which might be quite undesirable in some climates. By the way, vaccum cleaner extension hoses cost $25 - $50 at the store. Vacuum cleaners that don't work any more, are $2 - $5 at garage sales. You can join different model hoses with a short piece of bicycle inner tube and a hose clamp or a tie made from haywire. Have FUN! DearWebby Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Let's wander Mongolia
___________________________________________________ Traveling through New England, a motorist stopped for gas in a tiny village. "What's this place called?" he asked the station attendant. "All depends," the native drawled. "Do you mean by them that has to live in this dad-blamed, moth-eaten, dust- covered dump, or by them that's merely enjoying its quaint and picturesque rustic charms for a short spell ?" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Every morning for years, at about 11:30, the telephone operator in a small Sierra-Nevada town received a call from a man asking the exact time. One day the operator summed up nerve enough to ask him why the regularity. "I'm foreman of the local sawmill," he explained. "Every day I have to blow the whistle at noon so I call you to get the exact time." The operator giggled, "That's really funny," she said. "All these year we've been setting our clock by your whistle. ____________________________________________________

Today, August 17 in
1790 The capital city of the U.S. moved to Philadelphia
from New York City. 

1807 Robert Fulton's "North River Steam Boat" (known as the
"Clermont") began heading up New York's Hudson River on its
successful round-trip to Albany. 

1815 Napoleon began serving his exile when he arrived at
the island of St. Helena. 

1859 A hot air balloon was used to carry mail for the first
time. John Wise left Lafayette, IN, for New York City with
100 letters. He had to land after only 27 miles. 

1863 Federal batteries and ships bombarded Fort Sumter in
Charleston, SC, harbor during the Civil War. 

1896 The Klondike gold rush was set off by George Carmack
discovering gold on Rabbit Creek in the Yukon, Canada. 

1903 Joseph Pulitzer donated a million dollars to Columbia
University. This started the Pulitzer Prizes in his name. 

1915 Charles F. Kettering received a patent for the first
electric ignition device. It had been used for many years,
but never patented.

1943 The Allied conquest of Sicily was completed as U.S.
and British forces entered Messina. 

1945 The nationalists of Indonesia declared their
independence from the Netherlands. 

1961 The Communist East German government completed the
construction of the Berlin Wall. 

1977 Florists Transworld Delivery (FTD) reported that in
one day the number of orders for flowers to be delivered to
Graceland had surpassed the number for any other event in
the company's history. 

1978 Maxie Anderson, Ben Abruzzo and Larry Newman became
the first to land after a successful trans-Atlantic balloon
flight. The voyage began in Presque Isle, ME and ended in
Miserey, France. 

1982 The U.S. Senate approved an immigration bill that
granted permanent resident status to illegal aliens who had
arrived in the United States before 1977. 

1985 A year-long strike began when 1,400 Geo. A. Hormel and
Co. meat packers walked off the job. 

1992 Woody Allen admitted to being romantically involved
with Soon-Yi Previn. The girl was the adopted daughter of
Mia Farrow, Allen's longtime companion. 

1996 A military cargo plane crashed in Wyoming killing
eight crewmembers and a Secret Service employee. The plane
was carrying gear for U.S. President Clinton. 

1998 U.S. President Clinton admitted to having an improper
relationship with Monica Lewinsky, a White House intern. 

1998 NationsBank and BankAmerica merge to create the
largest U.S. bank. 

1998 Russia devalued the ruble. 

2002 In Santa Rosa, CA, the Charles M. Schulz Museum opened
to the public. 

2018  smiled.


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Transferring pictures from camera to computer 




Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, August 16

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman tries to flee 
after wrong-way crash on I-75
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, August 16 in
1812 Detroit fell to Indian and British troops in the 
War of 1812. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. --- Groucho Marx (1890 - 1977) Don't think you're on the right road just because it’s a well-beaten path. --- Socratex The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues. --- Elizabeth Taylor ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >Ella Can you please send the Alabama Vasectomy joke again? Thanks Ella After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough (they could not afford a larger doublewide). So, the husband went to his doctor (who also treated mules) and told him that he and his wife/cousin didn't want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem. The doctor instructed him to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are legal in 'Bama), light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10. The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me" So, the couple drove to Georgia to get a second opinion. The Georgia physician was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed that they were from Alabama. This doctor instead told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, light it, place it in a beer can, hold it to his ear and count to 10. Figuring that both learned physicians couldn't be wrong, the man went home, lit a cherrybomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count. "1, 2, 3, 4, 5 . . . . ", at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ ONE RECRUIT in our platoon at Fort Knox, Ky., had an unusual habit. No matter what lowly detail he pulled, he would smile. On a 20-mile hike with full backpack, this guy beamed from ear to ear. Cleaning the latrine had him smiling as if he'd just heard a comedy routine. But on our long-awaited graduation day, everyone was grinning except him. "Why," I asked, "aren't you smiling today?" "Because, now," he said, "it won't drive our drill instructor crazy!" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ DURING the Air Force Academy's basic cadet training, the new cadets, known as doolies, go through a ten-day encampment outdoors. Prior to being served in the chow tent, they are required to do pullups and then get in line to answer questions about the academy. If they answer correctly, they are allowed to proceed inside. If not, they are sent to the back of the line. One doolie had been sent back a number of times because he didn't reel off the answers. When the poor cadet came up again, a sympathetic upperclassman asked him, "What does the abbreviation S.I.D.N.K. stand for?" The doolie bowed his head and replied, "Sir, I do not know." "Right!" the upperclassman said. "Go on in there and get some chow!" ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jacqueline Burge, 54, Sarasota County, Florida Florida woman tries to flee after wrong-way crash on I-75 A Florida woman with a long arrest record was arrested after she tried to flee the scene of a car crash on I-75, FOX13 Tampa reported. Jacqueline Burge, 54, reportedly refused to stop after Sarasota County Sheriff's deputies attempted to pull her over. She hit a deputy's cruiser after driving through a yard before merging onto I-75 southbound. She then lost control, damaged another cruiser and then fled again, the report said. Burge tried to flee on foot but was quickly captured. FOX13 said Burge had drugs on her and several ID cards. Burge has been arrested several times in Sarasota County alone, including arrests for theft, prostitution, and drug possession, the TV station said.
From: Healy Re: Pictures from camera Dear Webby, A friend reamed me out for trasnferring pictures straight from the camera to the computer, and claimed you had said to never do that. Unfortunately she could not remember why not? Does that affect the picture quality? Healy Dear Healy It drains your camera batteries very quickly. The USB port runs at 5 Volt, the camera at 6 Volt. So the camera tries to charge up the USB port, which is regulated and backed up by the power grid. The batteries have not got a chance, and especially if you do some sorting and deleting, you will drain the batteries to near flat. There is supposed to be a diode in there preventing that, but that usually does not work. A chip reader costs $6 - $12. Just pop the camera chip in there and then take your time. It runs on USB power and you can transfer and edit as much as you got time for. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A crew of highway maintenance workers were sent to repair some road signs that vandals had knocked down in a forested area. The first one they put back up was a symbol warning of a deer crossing. As they moved down the road to repair the next sign, one member, a goober, looked back and spotted a deer running across the highway. She turned to a co-worker and said, "I wonder how long he's been waiting to cross?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The businessman dragged himself home and barely made it to his chair before he dropped exhausted. His sympathetic wife was right there with a tall cool drink and a comforting word. "My, you look tired," she said. "You must have had a hard day today. What happened to make you so exhausted?" "It was terrible," her husband said. "The computer broke down and all of us had to do our own thinking." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Fixing Wallpaper Bubbles If you have a large wallpaper bubble, cut an X in the bubble. Peel back from the center, apply a bit of wallpaper paste to each corner and flatten with a damp sponge. For smaller bubbles, cut a slit in the bubble and squirt a little paper adhesive into the slit then smooth out the bubble. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
The sacred grove of Bomarzo.
___________________________________________________ On her 15th birthday, my daughter opened a package from her Mom and her sisters. Out came a beauty case containing many samples of makeup. "Neat!" I exclaimed. "Your own tackle box!" My wife calmly explained that it was NOT a tackle box, it was a beauty kit. My daughter proceeded to open it up and show us all the mascara, eye shadow, rouge, and other cosmetics. At this point I leaned over to my wife and whispered, "I told you it was a tackle box. Just look at all those lures." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
"A pedestrian is a person who should be seen and not hurt." "Customers who think the waiter is rude, should see the manager." "Sorry to needle you. We need your blood." On a college president's door: "Closed--If it's something important, see the custodian." Municipal golf course sign: "Please don't find lost balls until they stop rolling. New Jersey tourist sign: "Come to beautiful Atlantic City and see the bored walk." Sign in a nut shop: "No credit cards here. Strictly cashew and carry. By some bananas in a fruit store: "Please don't tear us apart. We grew up together. In a barbershop window: "Cutting out for lunch." Sign outside a service garage in Seattle, Washington: "Please do not drive in when doors are shut. ____________________________________________________

Today, August 16 in
1777 During the American Revolutionary War, the Battle of
Bennington took place. New England's minutemen routed the
British regulars. 

1812 Detroit fell to Indian and British troops in the War
of 1812. 

1829 The "Siamese twins," Chang and Eng Bunker, arrived in
Boston, MA. They had come to the Western world to be
exhibited. They were 18 years old and joined at the waist. 

1842 In New York City, the U.S. government took over
operations of the City Despatch Post. This was the first
congressionally authorized local postage delivery. 

1858 A telegraphed message from Britain's Queen Victoria to
U.S. President Buchanan was transmitted over the recently
laid trans-Atlantic cable. 

1861 U.S. President Lincoln prohibited the Union states
from trading with the states of the Confederacy. 

1923 Carnegie Steel Corporation put into place the eight-
hour workday for its employees. 

1937 Harvard University became the first school to have
graduate courses in traffic engineering and administration.

1954 Sports Illustrated was published for the first time.
It was claimed that 250,000 subscriptions had been sold
before the first issue came off of the presses. 

1960 Cyprus was granted independence from Britain. 

1960 The free-fall world record was set by Joseph
Kittinger. He fell more than 16 miles (about 84,000 feet)
before opening his parachute over New Mexico. 

1978 Xerox was fined for excluding Smith-Corona Mfg. from
the copier market. The fine was $25.6 million. 

1995 Voters in Bermuda rejected independence from Great
Britain. 

1999 In Russia, Vladimir V. Putin was confirmed as prime
minister by the lower house of parliament. 

2018  smiled.


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When you can't r estore 




Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, August 15

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Man accused of filling water cup with 
soda sees $2 cost ‘supersized’ to $50,000
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, August 15 in
1947 India became independent from Britain and was divided
into the countries of India and Pakistan. India had been
under British rule about 200 years. 

More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Thomas Jefferson once said, 'We should never judge a president by his age, only by his works.' And ever since he told me that, I stopped worrying. --- Ronald Reagan (1911 2004) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ My parents only had one argument in forty-five years. It lasted forty-three years. --- Cathy Ladman I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying that I approved of it. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Tech Support: "How much free space do you have on your hard drive?" Customer: "Well, my wife likes to get up there on that Internet, and she downloaded ten hours of free space. Is that enough?" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Miss Jones had given her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. Now it was question time, and she asked, "My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?" Little Johnny in the front row proudly said, "You're a mother!" ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Daniel Stine, Missoula, Montana Man accused of filling water cup with soda sees $2 cost ‘supersized’ to $50,000 A $2.00 charge for a soda has been “super-sized” to $50,000, which is how much bail a Montana suspect now faces. Daniel Stine entered a Missoula Arby’s fast food restaurant and requested a water cup that he then tried to full with soda, Newstalk KGVO reported. When confronted by an employee, Stine allegedly started a fight, Missoula Police Public Information Officer Travis Welsh said, according to KGVO. “When confronted by an employee who informed him that he had to pay for the cup of soda he refused and left out one of the entrances,” Welsh explained. “The employee followed him, told him that he was not welcome back then he turned and came back towards the employee and tried to kick that person before walking away again.” When police responded, Stine was seen entering a nearby Denny’s. Cops followed him into a bathroom there and that’s when the suspect became aggressive. “The officers were able to make entry to the bathroom, however, when they did and confronted the man, rather than comply with their instructions he approached them in what appeared to be an aggressive manner,” Welsh explained. “The officers attempted to take control of him physically and that’s when he began to resist and fight with the officers and had to be tased to comply to the officer’s instructions.” Stine now faces four misdemeanor charges of criminal trespass, disorderly conduct, obstructing a peace officer and resisting arrest, according to KGVO — in addition to a felony robbery charge.
From: Guinn Re: Can't restore Dear Webby, You seem to know (or can find out) a lot of answers to our problems, out here in CyberLand. So here is MY problem: Sometime in the past few weeks I must have clicked a wrong key because now I cannot Restore. When I try to Restore, the only day shown in bold numbers is the current date and the current time. How do I get my Restore back? Thanks for any help you can give me, Guinn Dear Guinn You, or some "speeder-upper" utility, must have turned off Restore and wiped out all the old restore data. Running out of disk space also deactivates the Restore. Once you clear out enough space, System Restore will reactivate automatically, but in the meantime you will have lost all your previous restore points. Restore also gets a bit flaky when it gets close to the limit of the space that you allotted for it. It will start dropping old restore points. Theoretically it is supposed to stop dumping when 50% of the allocated space is free. Sometimes it doesn't. If the restore point that you see is not the one made when Restore got turned back on, go to Control Panel, System System-Restore and manage it from there. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A group of Q-Tips (senior citizens) in TheVillages were exchanging notes about their ailments. "My arm is so weak I can hardly hold this coffee cup." "Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad I can't see to pour the coffee." "I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck." "My blood pressure pills make my dizzy." "I guess that's the price we pay for getting old." "Well, it's not all bad. We should be thankful that we can still drive!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
An older friend, recently returned from her home town in North Carolina, says they've spruced up the churchyard cemetery since her last visit several years back. "Lots of new greenery," she said. "And families are together now." "Together?" I asked, puzzled. "Well, years ago they never much worried where they buried someone because everyone was a neighbor anyhow. They'd just dig a grave wherever it seemed to balance things. But they've redone it so people are with their children and grandchildren, instead of scattered all over." "You mean they exhumed all those people and re-buried them?" "Oh no," she said. "They just moved the headstones. Everyone agrees it looks ever so much nicer." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning Out The Fridge After cleaning out your refrigerator, dampen a cloth or clean sponge with white vinegar and wipe down the walls and shelves in the fridge. It will both cut down odors and help prevent mildew. A box of baking soda also helps odors. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
I find it hard to believe these articles are made from stone, but they are! Wow!
___________________________________________________ Woman to marriage counselor: "The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we got married the same year." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Schalk burst into Van's room to find Van standing on a chair with a rope around his waist and the end of the rope around the ceiling beam. "Hey Van, what do you think you're doing?" said Schalk. "I'm committing suicide," replied Van. "Well you're going about it all wrong," said Schalk. "You're supposed to tie the rope around your neck, not our waist." "Man, but I tried that yesterday and I dang near choked." ____________________________________________________

Today, August 15 in
1057 Macbeth, the King of Scotland, was killed by the son
of King Duncan. 

1848 The dental chair was patented by M. Waldo Hanchett. 

1877 Thomas Edison wrote to the president of the Telegraph
Company in Pittsburgh, PA. The letter stated that the word,
"hello" would be a more appropriate greeting than "ahoy"
when answering the telephone. 

1911 The product Crisco was introduced by Procter & Gamble
Company. 

1914 The Panama Canal was officially opened to commercial
traffic as an American ship sailed from the Atlantic to the
Pacific Ocean. The first vessel to pass through the canal
was the American cargo and passenger ship SS Ancon. 

1918 Diplomatic ties between the U.S. and Russia were
severed. 

1935 Will Rogers and Wiley Post were killed in an airplane
crash in near Point Barrow, AK. 

1939 "The Wizard of Oz" premiered in Hollywood, CA. Judy
Garland became famous for the movie's song "Somewhere Over
the Rainbow." 

1943 Because of his special talent to use food scraps in
both unusual and appetizing recipes, the U.S. War
Department awarded Sgt. Edward Dzuba the Legion of Merit. 

1944 The Allied forces of World War II landed in southern
France. 

1947 India became independent from Britain and was divided
into the countries of India and Pakistan. India had been
under British rule about 200 years. 

1948 The Republic of Korea was proclaimed. 

1949 In San Francisco, a stunt leap off the Golden Gate
Bridge was performed for the first time. 

1961 East German workers began construction of the Berlin
Wall. 

1971 U.S. President Nixon announced a 90-day freeze on
wages, rents and prices. 

1986 The U.S. Senate approved a package of economic
sanctions against South Africa. The ban included the
importing of steel, uranium, textiles, coal, and produce
from South Africa. 

1992 Vietnam blamed Hollywood for creating the "myth"
concerning the issue of U.S. servicemen still being held
prisoner in Indochina. 

1997 The U.S. Justice Department decided not to prosecute
FBI officials in connection with the deadly 1992 Ruby Ridge
siege in Idaho. The investigation dealt with an alleged
cover-up. 

2000 A group of 100 people from North Korea arrived in
South Korea for temporary reunions with relatives they had
not seen for half a century. Also, a group of 100 South
Koreans visited the North. 

2001 Astronomers announced the discovery of the first solar
system outside our own. They had discovered two planets
orbiting a star in the Big Dipper. 

2011 Google announced that it would acquire Motorola
Mobility for $12.5 billion. 

2015 North Korea began using UTC+08:30 (official name
Pyongyang Time) as a rejection of Japanese imperialism. 

2018  smiled.


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Why Downward tripod? 




Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, August 14

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Driver's license of dopey woman in Nocatee 
road-rage incident suspended four times
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, August 14 in
2015 In Havana, Cuba, the U.S. Embassy was re-opened after
being closed 54 years earlier because Cuba had stolen
(nationalized) all US built and owned refineries and
plantations and canneries. Secretary of State Hillary said
that was ok, since they are Communists. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Thomas Jefferson once said, 'We should never judge a president by his age, only by his works.' And ever since he told me that, I stopped worrying. --- Ronald Reagan (1911 - 2004) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Two very successful psychoanalysts occupied offices in the same building. One was 40 years old, the other over 70. They rode on the elevator together at the end of an unbearably hot, sticky day. The younger man was completely done in, and he noted with some resentment that his senior was fresh as a daisy. "I don't understand," he marvelled, "how you can listen to complaining patients from morning till night, on a day like this, and still look so spry and unbothered when it's over?" The older analyst replied, "So, who listens?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ The red-bearded bee-eater lives in the Indo-Malayan region of Southeast Asia in dense forest habitats. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Thanks to Martha for this one: St Peter met a taxi driver and a minister at the Pearly Gate. St Peter said to the taxi driver, "Tell me what you did on earth and who you are so I can check my list". The taxi driver told him. St Peter returned with a silk robe and a gold staff and said, "Enter in." St Peter asked the next man who he was. "I was a minister for 42 years." "Fine" said St Peter, "let me go check my list." He returned with a cotton robe and a wooden stick. "Not fair" howled the minister, "that taxi driver got a silk robe and a gold staff. How come I only get a cotton robe and a wooden stick?" St Peter replied, "For 42 years, when you preached, the people slept. When that guy drove, the people prayed." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Lauren Davis, 22, Jacksonville, Florida Driver's license of dopey woman in Nocatee road-rage incident suspended four times A St. Johns County arrest report says that a road-rage incident led to the arrest of a Jacksonville woman on felony drug charges stemming from a Nocatee road-rage incident. Deputies said that Lauren Davis, 22, was driving with a license that had been suspended four times by the state. According to a report, Davis was driving on Nocatee Parkway when she slammed the brakes on her 2008 Honda Element in an act of road rage. A deputy witnessed the incident, the report said. When Davis was pulled over, she immediately admitted that she had road rage because she had been cut off by another car, the report said. The deputy who pulled her over smelled marijuana and asked Davis if she had any in her car, the report said. Davis then held up a plastic bag from her center console. Davis told deputies the bag held one ounce of marijuana, the report said. The report added that Davis' drivers license has been suspended four times since July 19, 2017. She drives anyway.
From Edna Re: Why Downward tripod? Dear Webby, Why would I ever need a tripod for shootiing straight down? Edna Dear Edna If you make custom jewelry, or collect butterflies or bugs or marbles or anything small, and need the same angle and background for catalog type pages, then you can't really scan them and have to take pictures. A twisted bar works very well for that. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A old man told his doctor, "I don't think my wife's hearing is as good as it used to be. What should I do?" The doctor replied, "Try this test first. When your wife is at the sink doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a question. If she doesn't respond, keep moving closer, asking the question until she hears you." He went home and saw his wife preparing dinner. Standing fifteen feet behind her he said, "What's for dinner, honey?" Hearing no reply, he moved up to ten feet behind her and repeated the question. Still no reply, so he moved to five feet. Finally he stood directly behind her and said, "Honey, what's for dinner tonight?" She turned around and yelled in his face, "For the fourth time, I SAID CHICKEN, you deaf old fart!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Thanks to Rosie for this story: After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at Rhein- Main Air Base in Germany with my eight siblings and me, all under the age of eleven. Collecting our many suitcases, the ten of us entered the cramped customs area. A young customs official watched our entourage in disbelief, "Ma'am," he asked, "do all these children and this luggage belong to you?" "Yes, sir," my mother said with a sigh. "They're all mine." The customs agent began his questions, "Ma'am, do you have any weapons, contraband or illegal drugs in your possession?" "Sir," she calmly answered, "if I'd had any of those items, I would have used them by now." The official allowed us to pass without opening a single suitcase. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Carpet Installation Day Most carpet retailers outsource the installation to independent contractions so it's important to inspect the work closely and not sign any paperwork after the installation until you are satisfied. If the carpet installers will not address your concerns, call the retailer. The same applies to ANY and ALL flooring installers. I held back 50% pending successful installation when I bought vinyl flooring in 2001 and did not budge no matter how much they whined. It is ridiculous what they initially tried to get away with. Tried unsuccessfully! Have FUN! DearWebby Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
A time travelers secret stroll through Brooklyn Heights.
___________________________________________________ Boss, to four of his employees: "I'm really sorry, but I'm going to have to let one of you go." Black Employee: "I'm a protected minority." Female Employee: "And I'm a woman." Oldest Employee: "Fire me, buster, and I'll hit you with an age discrimination suit so fast it'll make your head spin." To which they all turn to look at the helpless young, white, male employee, who thinks a moment, then responds: "I think I might be gay..." So, to be politically correct, he fired them all. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
One Liners: Middle Age: When actions creak louder than words. Don't worry. I forgot your name, too! Is it time for your medication or mine? ____________________________________________________

Today, August 14 in

1248 The rebuilding of the Cologne Cathedral in Cologne,
Germany, began after being destroyed by fire. 

1805 A peace treaty between the U.S. and Tunis was signed
on board the USS Constitution. Tunis did not honor it until
the Marines showed up and knocked them back into the stone
age.

1880 The Cologne Cathedral in Cologne, Germany was
completed after 632 years of rebuilding. 

1888 A patent for the electric meter was granted to Oliver
B. Shallenberger. 

1896 Gold was discovered in Canada's Yukon Territory.
Within the next year more than 30,000 people rushed to the
area to look for gold. 

1900 An international force, consisting of eight nations,
lifted the siege of Peking. It was the end to the Boxer
Rebellion, which was aimed at purging China of foreigners. 

1917 China declared war on Germany and Austria during World
War I. 

1919 About 1 million tons of ice and rock broke off of a
glacier near Mont Blanc, France. Nine people were killed in
the incident. 

1935 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed the Social
Security Act into law. The act created unemployment
insurance and pension plans for the elderly. 

1936 The first basketball competition was held at the
Olympic Games in Berlin, Germany. The U.S. defeated Canada,
19-8. 

1941 The U.S. Congress appropriated the funds to construct
the Pentagon (approximately $83 million). The building was
the new home of the U.S. War Department. 

1944 The federal government allowed the manufacture of
certain domestic appliances to resume on a limited basis. 

1945 It was announced by U.S. President Truman that Japan
had surrendered unconditionally. The surrender ended World
War II. 

1947 Pakistan became independent from British rule. 

1953 The whiffle ball was invented. 

1962 A U.S. mail truck was held up in Plymouth, MA. The
robbers got away with more that $1.5 million dollars. 

1969 British troops arrived in Northern Ireland to
intervene in sectarian violence between Protestants and
Roman Catholics. 

1973 The U.S. bombing of Cambodia ended. The halt marked
the official end to 12 years of combat in Indochina by the
U.S. 

1976 A charity softball game began for the Community
General Hospital in Monticello, NY. The game was eventually
called off due to weather after 30 hours. The final score
was Gager's Diner's 491 to Bend 'n Elbow Tavern's 467. 

1980 People for Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) was
incorporated. 

1986 U.S. officials announced that a U.S. Drug Enforcement
agent had been abducted, interrogated and tortured by
Mexican police. 

1992 The U.S. announced that emergency airlifts of food to
Somalia would begin. The action was being taken to stop
mass deaths due to starvation. 

1995 Shannon Faulkner became the first female cadet in the
history of The Citadel, South Carolina's state military
college. She quit the school less than a week later. 

1998 A U.S. federal appeals court in Richmond, VA, ruled
that the Food and Drug Administration had no authority to
regulate tobacco. The FDA had established rules to make it
harder for minors to buy cigarettes. 

2000 Valujet was ordered to pay $11 million in fines and
restitution for hazardous waste violations in the crash
that killed 110 people in 1996. 

2015 In Havana, Cuba, the U.S. Embassy was re-opened after
being closed 54 years earlier because Cuba had stolen
(nationalized) all US built and owned refineries and
plantations and canneries. Secretary of State Hillary said
that was ok, since they are Communists. 

2018  smiled.


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Tripod aid for shooting downward 




Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, August 13

We got fresh, cold air coming all the way down from the
Yukon. It blew the smoke back over the Rockies to BC and
down into the US. The cold air dropped the temperature 30
degrees and caused a lot of clouds, but the air is fresh
and clean.

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Woman used identical twin's name 
during drug arrest, sister claims
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, August 13 in
1960 "Echo I," a balloon satellite, allowed the first 
two-way telephone conversation by satellite to take place. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Freedom of the press is limited to those who own one. --- A. J. Liebling (1904 - 1963) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ "If you had a quarter," quizzed the teacher, "and you asked your father for a dollar and fifty cents, how much money would you have?" "One quarter." answered . The teacher shook her head and said, "You don't know your arithmetic, do you, ?" sighed and replied, "You don't know my father." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Sidu River Bridge is located in Badong County of the Hubei Province of China. It opened in November 2009 and was the world’s highest bridge, rising more than 1,500 feet in the air. It’s one of the most spectacular bridges in the world. This suspension bridge is 1,222 m-long (4,009 ft) and the span is so high that Shanghai’s Oriental Pearl Tower could fit underneath it. The highest bridge in the world spans such a great chasm that it had to be established using rockets. The Sidu River Bridge is the tallest bridge in the world, standing around 1,500 ft tall. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this one: Definition of an Irish husband: He hasn't kissed his wife for twenty years, but he will kill any man who does. Q. What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control a wife? A. A bachelor. ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Myesha Brown, 25, Memphis, Tennessee Woman used identical twin's name during drug arrest, sister claims Tarnesha Lee, talked with FOX13 Saturday outside 201 Poplar, but if you look up jail records, she was locked up at the time. If you look up her name, she’s was just busted for drugs. When in fact, she told us she has never been arrested. An affidavit showed, Lee was busted early Saturday morning after MPD searched a motel room and found 28 Ecstasy pills. She’s charged with possession of a controlled substance with intent to sell. “I have a professional career, I don’t need my name slandered like this,” Lee said. Here’s the problem, Lee has an identical twin sister, Myesha Brown. Brown has a rap sheet and she was actually the one busted for drugs but she gave officers her sister’s name because she had warrants out for her. Lee said, “She’s constantly using my name and they’re telling me there’s no way they can clear it out.” Lee told us MPD must not have even checked Brown’s ID when she was arrested. “Any proof that’s her name before you just use my name on a felony charge like this, that’s not fair,” Lee told FOX13. Lee said she’s been frantically trying to get the problem fixed. She made calls, went to MPD, Jail East, 201 Poplar. She said she showed her driver’s license, credit cards, insurance cards even a marriage license as proof of who she is. But Lee claims she was told nothing could be done until Monday and she may have to go to court to clear things up. Lee said, “they should be changing in the system but I’m getting the runaround saying there’s nothing they can do right now.” So while Lee said she’s angry with her sister for creating this mess in the first place, she’s even more upset that no one is helping her fix it. Lee told us, “all I want them to do is go ahead and clear my name so I can move past this,” Lee told us her sister has used her name when she was arrested three other times in Mississippi but she was able to clear that up right away.
From Leo Re: Downward tripod Dear Webby, This question is not really web related, but since you answer questions about digital cameras,... is there a gadget for adapting a tripod to take pictures downward, and that don't cost more than the camera ? Leo Dear Leo Get a wide, foot long ruler, either plexi glass or plastic, and fairly stiff. Usually, the wider they are, the stiffer and less flexible. Before airport security went nuts after 9/11, I used to use a 2" wide, foot long strip of 1/4" aluminuim, but nowadays you have to use plastic or plexiglass. 5mm Plexiglass works well. Most car and house window places have it, and you might be able to get a scrap for free. Drill a 5.5 mm (1/4") hole about an inch or two from the end in the middle of the ruler. Heat up the middle of the ruler or plexiglass with a handheld hair drier or hot air blower, and twist it gently so that the ends are 90 degrees offset from each other. You might want to clamp the ends between some wood, so that you don't burn your fingers when you do that. If you don't have luck with twisting, you COULD just bend it 90 degrees in the middle. The reason I prefer the twisting is because that way it takes less room in your camera case. However, either method works. Get a 1/4" x 20 wing bolt about 3/4" long. NOT the metric equivalent! You CAN still get them in Imperial dimensions! Imagine the hassle I had finding one of those when I was a kid in Austria in the late 50's or early 60's! They had gone metric centuries before then, but camera tripod sockets were still in Imperial. You also need a 1/4" x 20 wing nut. You may have to go to Home Depot or any big hardware store for those. They are still available! Now put the ruler onto your tripod and fasten it with the wing nut. Put the wing bolt through the hole on the free end of the ruler, and thread it into the bottom of the sideways held camera. The reason for using wing nuts and wing bolts is so that you don't have to carry a wrench. Even if you assemble the gadget only finger tight, iron bolts tend to get very sticky if left in aluminum. Spray paint it all bright yellow, so that you can find the parts easily in your camera bag, and threaten major mayhem if somebody borrows any of those bright yellow components. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
My boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local sign shop and bought a small sign that read, "I'm the Boss". He then taped it to his office door. Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that the sign was gone and someone had taped a note to the sign that said. "Your wife called, she said she did not authorize your sign."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a restaurant; first, he'd asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour. Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn't throw out the pest. "Oh I don't care." said the waiter with a smile. "We don't really have an air conditioner anyway." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Saving Money on Carpet If you are having a small area carpeted, like a bedroom, ask the carpet retailer if they have any remnants available for a discounted price. They usually have remnants of brand new carpet leftover from bigger jobs. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
A time travelers secret stroll through Brooklyn Heights.
___________________________________________________ A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started to discuss the dog's duties. "They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster. "No," said another, "he's just for good luck." "I know!" said a third. "They use it to find the fire hydrant!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Andy came to work one day, limping something awful. One of his co-workers, Josh, noticed and asked Andy what happened. Andy replied, "Oh, nothing. It's just an old football injury that acts up once in a while." Josh, "Gee, I never knew you played football." Andy, "No I don't. I hurt it last year when I lost $100 on the Superbowl. I put my foot through the television." ____________________________________________________

Today, August 13 in
1521 Present day Mexico City was captured by Spanish
conqueror Hernando Cortez from the Aztec Indians. 

1704 The Battle of Blenheim was fought during the War of
the Spanish Succession, resulting in a victory for English
and Austrian forces. 

1792 French revolutionaries took the entire French royal
family and imprisoned them. 

1889 A patent for a coin-operated telephone was issued to
William Gray. 

1912 The first experimental radio license was issued to St.
Joseph's College in Philadelphia, PA. 

1931 The first community hospital in the U.S. was dedicated
in Elk City, OK. 

1932 Adolf Hitler refused to take the post of vice-
chancellor of Germany. He said he was going to hold out
"for all or nothing."

1934 Al Capp's comic strip "L'il Abner" made its debut in
newspapers. 

1942 Henry Ford unveiled his "Soybean Car." It was a
plastic-bodied car that weighed about 1000 lbs. less than a
steel car and saved the steel for the  war effort. Nobody
liked it. 

1959 In New York, ground was broken on the $320 million
Verrazano Narrows Bridge. 

1960 "Echo I," a balloon satellite, allowed the first two-
way telephone conversation by satellite to take place. 

1961 Berlin was divided by a barbed wire fence to halt the
flight of refugees. Two days later work on the Berlin Wall
began. 

1985 The engagement of Maria Shriver and Arnold
Schwarzenagger was announced. 

1990 Iraq transferred $3-4 billion in bullion, currency,
and other goods seized from Kuwait to Baghdad. 

1992 Woody Allen began legal action to win custody of his
three children. A judge ruled against Allen in 1993. 

1994 It was reported that aspirin not only helps reduce the
risk of heart disease, but also helps prevent colon cancer.

2018  smiled.


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Filter for fake McAfee messages 




Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, August 12

Smoke is still thick. The promised thunder showers didn't
really happen. There was some faint rumbling in the
distance, and for a few minutes there was a bit of a
drizzle. I was on my walk when it happened, and did not
have to change my shirt afterwards. Still can't see more
than a block.

The fires are all in BC, and some in Washington, Oregon and
California, but with cool air coming down from the Yukon,
the smoke seems to get funneled over the Rockies to
Alberta.

Fire crews have pitched in from the forest industry, from
outside the province and outside of the country including
New Zealand, Australia and Mexico. 

I hope they get some good and solid rain soon! I was forest
fire fighting in 1971 and know how tough it is to go all
out in thick smoke.

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida Woman Fleeing Police Gets 
Corralled By Cows
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, August 12 in
1865 Disinfectant was used for the first time during 
surgery by Joseph Lister. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A husband is like a fire, he goes out when unattended. --- Evan Esar (1899 - 1995) Being in politics is like being a football coach. You have to be smart enough to understand the game, and dumb enough to think it's important. --- Eugene McCarthy (1916 - 2005) It is the dull man who is always sure, and the sure man who is always dull. --- H. L. Mencken ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ George, a rather arrogant acquaintance, and were seated side by side on a train. An announcement was made that all electrical power would be out for a few minutes due to a blown circuit. Seated across from George and were two very attractive ladies. Just then the train entered a dark tunnel. A loud smack was heard. As the train left the tunnel, a large red hand print could be seen on George's face. Nothing was said by anyone. The train entered another dark tunnel and another loud smack was heard. As the train left the tunnel, another large red hand print could be seen on the other side of George's face. Again, nothing at all was said. George was thinking.... must have done something to those ladies and they thought it was me because of my reputation. But was thinking....I wish we would go through another tunnel so I could slap that idiot again!!! ------------------------- If you put nothing, or a full name like Ms Ernestine F Trailer-Hooker III into the FIRST NAME slot of the sign-up, that joke will fall flat. It's nearly as bad if you got a gift subscription from a neighbor, who typed your first name or nickname in all small or all large letters because she had a bottle of Southern Comfort in one hand and a donut in the other. If that is the case with your first name or nickname, hit REPLY and tell me, and I will instantly correct it. DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ U Bein Bridge, Myanmar _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Having lost weight over the past few years, a lady was discarding things from her wardrobe that no longer fit. Her seven-year-old daughter was watching as she held up a huge pair of slacks. "Wow," the lady said, "I must have worn these when I was a hundred and eighty." Her daughter looked puzzled and asked, "How old are you now?" ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jennifer Anne Kaufman, 46, Sanford, Florida Florida Woman Fleeing Police Gets Corralled By Cows Send in the cavalry ? or is that “cowvalry”? It’s a relevant question, thanks to a video that shows a woman on the run from the law who ended up being chased by a tiny herd of cows. The mooving experience happened Monday night in Sanford, Florida, where authorities were pursuing a white Subaru SUV that was reportedly stolen. Officers attempted to stop the vehicle by using stop sticks, causing it to crash near a pasture, according to The Tampa Bay Times. One of the three passengers, Erin Thomas, 38, stayed with the SUV, while the other two attempted to hoof it into the field. Jamie Michael Young, 46, was quickly apprehended by a K-9 unit, but the other, Jennifer Anne Kaufman, also 46, was about to have a different kind of animal encounter. As she was fleeing officers, Kaufman found herself suddenly pursued by, depending on the source, 12, 16 or 20 young cows. A pilot in a police helicopter above the scene immortalized the encounter, according to “Inside Edition.” “Actually, the group of cows is following her, for a good visual,” he said to his fellow officers below. “Looks like they may attack her ... Keep going southeast. She’s pretty far into the field now. If you see the group of cows, they’re literally following her and chasing her.” Kaufman eventually made it to a fence, where she was arrested by police officers waiting for her. The herd’s owner, Richard Kondracki, told local station WKMG that he had never seen his bovines act aggressive before but that no one had ever tried to run through the field. if all those cows come running at you. They didn’t know them. They don’t know if they’re there to hurt them, or steal one of the babies.” Officers allegedly found 1.3 grams of cocaine, two spoons, two clear-colored needles and a pipe burned at both ends in the SUV, according to The Orlando Sentinel. Kaufman is facing various charges, including drug possession, possession of drug paraphernalia, trespassing and resisting an officer. She remains in the Seminole County Jail in lieu of $4,500 bond.
From: Marty Re: Filters for spoof mails Dear Webby, I tried that filter, and I am impressed! Not a single false positive, and it caught even more spam than I had expected. Now, how do I make a filter to catch all the useless messages from mcAfee, both real and spoof? Thanks Marty Dear Marty For that I made this filter: If the Subject field contains "Suspect e-mail detected" OR the From field contains "McAfee VirusScan E-mail Scan" then hide the message from the messages list , and automatically (without warning or notification) delete the message. This filter takes priority over the friends list. For the "OR", toggle the ALL or ANY rules to ANY. According to the cute pie chart in the stats, this filter currently catches and dumps 4% of the incoming mail, unseen. That's the way I like it. The spoof McAfee messages with attached virus are just as useless as the real McAfee messages. The fake McAfee messages with attached virus come from an infected machine of one of your friends or relatives. To find out who that is, turn that filter off and block half of your regular contacts for a day. If the nuisance stops, then the culprit is in THAT half. Now half that list and block just that portion. And so on until you are down to the one, wo IS the culprit. Thell her or him to get Malwarebytes and clean up their act, or else you will block them for good. Then turn that filter on again. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
>From Rita I was walking home last night and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery. 3 girls walked up to me and explained that they were scared to walk past the cemetery at night, so I agreed to let them walk along with me. I told them "I understand... I used to get freaked out too when I was alive." Never seen anybody run so fast
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A man goes to a doctor for a physical checkup. The nurse starts with certain basic information and asks, "How much do you weigh?" "One-seventy," the man replies. The nurse asks him to step on the scale and it shows that his weight is actually 183. The nurse asks, "Your height?" "Five-eleven," the man answered confidently The nurse measures and sees that he's only 5' 8". Then she takes his blood pressure, and it is very high. The man says, "Of course it's high! When I came in here, I was tall and slender. Now, suddenly I'm short and dumpy!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Saving Money on Carpet Save money on your carpet installation by removing and disposing of the old carpet yourself. If you are also painting, do your painting and dry wall work after removing the old carpet. It allows you to paint all the way down to the subflooring without fear of making a mess. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Here Are 15 Of The Most Upsetting Child Ghost Stories
___________________________________________________ An old man limped into the doctor's office and said, "Doctor, my knee hurts so bad, I can hardly walk!" The doctor slowly eyed him from head to toe, paused and then said, "Sir, how old are you?" "I'm 98," the man announced proudly. The doctor just sighed, and looked at him again. Finally he said, "Sir, I'm sorry. I mean, just look at you. You are almost one hundred years old, and you're complaining that your knee hurts? Well, what did you expect?" The old man said, "Well, my other knee is 98 years old too, and it doesn't hurt!" ---------------- He should have used his cane and smacked the quack! My father overdid it a bit with his hiking last Sunday and tore the meniscus in his right knee. Medically it's not a big deal, but it is very painful. If you see a soccer player suddenly dance like a one-legged whirling dervish and then fall down clasping his knee, that's from a torn meniscus. The meniscus is like a rubber washer in the knee, cushioning the joint. A sudden twisting impact can tear a little piece of that washer partially loose and makes it press against some nerves. A sport doctor recognizes it instantly and can reach into the knee with a tiny little pipe and clip the torn piece like it was a hangnail on your thumb. The pain is gone instantly and the patient can walk as soon as the local anethetic wears off. That's what they did with my dad and he's hiking again. However, if it is not promptly fixed, the limping affects the spine and leads to all kinds of expensive complications. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Ending his sermon, a preacher announced that he would preach on Noah and the Ark on the following Sunday, and gave the scriptural reference for the congregation to read ahead of time. A couple of boys noticed something interesting about the placement of the story in the Bible. They slipped into the church and glued two pages of the pulpit Bible together. The next Sunday, the preacher got up to read his text. "Noah took unto himself a wife," he began, "and she was" - he turned the page to continue - "three hundred cubits long, fifty wide and thirty high." He paused, scratched his head, turned the page back, read it silently, and turned the page again. Then he looked up at his congregation and said, "I've been reading this old Bible for near fifty years, but there are some things in it that are hard to believe." ____________________________________________________

Today, August 12 in
Today on August 12
1676 "King Phillip's War" came to an end with the killing
of Indian chief King Phillip. The war between the Indians
and the Europeans lasted for two years. 

1851 Isaac Singer was issued a patent on the double-headed
sewing machine. 

1865 Disinfectant was used for the first time during
surgery by Joseph Lister. 

1877 Thomas Edison invented the phonograph and made the
first sound recording. 

1898 The Spanish-American War was ended with the signing of
the peace protocol. The U.S. acquired Guam, Puerto Rico
and
the Philippines. Hawaii was also annexed. 

1915 "Of Human Bondage" by William Somerset Maugham was
first published. 

1918 Regular airmail service began between Washington, DC,
and New York City. 

1939 "The Wizard of Oz" premiered in Oconomowoc, WI. Judy
Garland became famous for the movie's song "Somewhere Over
the Rainbow." The movie premiered in Hollywood on August
15th. 

1953 The Soviet Union secretly tested its first hydrogen
bomb. 

1960 The balloon satellite Echo One was launched by the
U.S. from Cape Canaveral, FL. It was the first
communications satellite. 

1962 The Soviet Union launched Pavel Popovich into orbit.
Popovich and Andrian Nikolayev, who was launched a day
before, both landed on August 15. 

1977 The space shuttle Enterprise passed its first solo
flight test. 

1981 IBM unveiled its first PC. 

1986 It was announced by NASA that they had selected a new
rocket design for the space shuttle. The move was made in
an effort at correcting the flaws that were believed to
have been responsible for the Challenger disaster. 

1988 The movie "The Last Temptation of Christ" opened. 

1992 The U.S., Canada, and Mexico announced that the North
American Free Trade Agreement had been created after 14
months of negotiations. 

1993 U.S. President Clinton lifted the ban on rehiring air
traffic controllers that had been fired for going on strike
in 1981. 

1998 Swiss banks agreed to pay $1.25 billion as restitution
to World War II Holocaust victims. 

1999 Hang Thu Thi Ngyuen shot an arrow from a bow with her
feet on "Guinness World Records: Primetime" and hit a
target that was 16 feet and 5 inches away. 

2000 The Russian nuclear submarine Kursk sank and its 118-
man crew died during naval exercises in the Barents Sea. 

2004 The California Supreme Court voided the nearly 4,000
same-sex marriages that had been sanctioned in San
Francisco earlier in the year. 

2008 Russia halted its five-day assault on Georgia. 

2018  smiled.


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Mail with no subject 




Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, August 11

For the Perseid Meteor Shower look to the NortEast tonight,
if you don't have thick smoke. The meteors are just a
little bit brighter than the stars, but because they move
quite swiftly, you see them  easily.


Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Drunk driver tries to escape arrest by 
telling cops she’s a 
‘clean, thoroughbred white girl’
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, August 11 in
1896 Harvey Hubbell received a patent for the 
electric light bulb socket with a pull-chain switch. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him. --- Thomas Szasz, I don't mind what language an opera is sung in so long as it is a language I don't understand. --- Sir Edward Appleton (1892 - 1965) I don't mind what language an opera is sung in so long as it is a language I don't understand. --- Sir Edward Appleton (1892 - 1965) To find yourself, think for yourself. --- Socrates ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ THE THIRD BIGGEST LIE Ann Landers challenged her readers to come up with the world's third-biggest lie -- right after "The check is in the mail" and "I'm from the government and I'm here to help you." Here is a sampling from the thousands she received: "It's a good thing you came in today. We only have two more in stock." "Five pounds is nothing on a person of your height." "You made it yourself? I never would have guessed." "Of course I'll respect you in the morning." "You don't look a day over 40." "Dad, I need to move out of the dorm into an apartment of my own so I can have some peace and quiet when I study." "It's delicious, but I can't eat another bite." "The new ownership won't affect you. The company will remain the same." "The puppy won't be any trouble, Mom. I promise I'll take care of it myself." "Your hair looks just fine." "Put away the map. I know exactly how to get there." "You don't need it in writing. You have my personal guarantee." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ >From Ed After booking my 80-year-old grandmother on a flight from Florida to Nevada, I called the airline to go over her special needs. The representative listened patiently as I requested a wheelchair and an attendant for my mother because of her arthritis and impaired vision to the point of near blindness. My apprehension lightened a bit when the woman assured me that everything would be taken care of. I thanked her profusely. "Oh, you're welcome," she replied. I was about to hang up when she cheerfully asked, "And will your grandmother need a rental car?" "How about a big ol garbage truck? She likes playing demolition derby." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Lauren Elizabeth Cutshaw, 32, Bluffton, South Carolina Drunk driver tries to escape arrest by telling cops she’s a ‘clean, thoroughbred white girl’ South Carolina police say a woman sped through a stop sign doing 60 mph and was slurring her words when she allegedly used her race as a reason she didn't belong in jail. Lauren Elizabeth Cutshaw, 32, was charged with a number of offenses, including drunken driving, speeding and marijuana possession, after an early Saturday traffic stop in Bluffton, South Carolina. Police say a Breathalyzer test showed Cutshaw's blood- alcohol level at 0.18 percent. A person is considered impaired if their BAC is .08 percent or higher, according to South Carolina law. During the course of the arrest, Cutshaw gave a number of reasons why she shouldn't be jailed, some of which were used as evidence of her intoxication, according to police records obtained by the Associated Press and the Island Packet. Among the statements Cutshaw made to police: She is a "very clean, thoroughbred, white girl." She was a cheerleader and in a sorority. Her partner is a police officer. She had good grades, was in the National Honor Society and graduated from a "high accredited university." At the police station, Cutshaw allegedly used her race and cleanliness as a reason she didn't belong in jail. An officer, who was also white, questioned why that would matter. Cutshaw reportedly replied, "You're a cop, you should know what that means." She also said the officer should know her meaning "based on the people that come in this room." A dashcam video of the arrest shows Cutshaw begging not to be jailed and calling herself a "pretty girl," according to the New York Post. In the video she also expressed worry that the arrest would "ruin her career.” Cutshaw told police she drank two glasses of wine. When asked how full the glasses of wine were, she reportedly replied, "I mean I was celebrating my birthday." During the arrest, police say they also found marijuana and rolling papers in her car, and Cutshaw admitted she "may have" smoked earlier. The cops must have had a good laugh about the "Thoroughbred Bimbo".
From: Frieda Re: Empty subject mails Dear Webby, What's the story with mails that arrive without a subject line? Years ago you showed me how to make a filter to dump them with Mailwasher, and that works fine on my work machine, but I am wondering if I also need that on my home machine. So far I just dumped those mails manually. Frieda Dear Frieda "No Subject=No Intelligence" still holds true. You'll never see anything intelligent in an email that arrives without a subject, and you can use that filter as an IQ filter. If the senders don't have a positive IQ number, their mail won't waste your time. For those who want to know how to make that IQ filter, select "does not contain RegExpr" and put \w into the value field. The \w is a wildcard and stands for "any word character". That filter is kinda sneaky. If the subject line has only Chinese, Korean or Arab characters, then that mail gets marked for dumping too, since I won't read it anyway. Don't you pity the poor folks who don't have Mailwasher yet? Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
COMPANY B of the 11th Airborne Division stationed in Germany was sent on a two-day march. The weather was cold and rainy, and the roads soon turned to mud. The battalion commander, a colonel, marched with the troops, first with one group and then another. On this moonless night, most of the men didn't recognize the colonel with his rain gear on and military insignia covered up. One miserable private leaned toward him and said, "Can you believe some idiots actually make a career out of this?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
ONE DAY my son's fourth-grade class went on a field trip to the Woods Hole, Mass., Coast Guard station. As a young ensign guided the spirited nine- and ten-year-olds on the tour, a fellow guardsman came up, slapped the ensign on the back and said, "I see they finally gave you your own command." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Saving Money on Tea You can save money on tea by using the same tea bag twice. Just set the tea bag aside and use it for your next cup. It cuts the cost of your tea drinking habit in half. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
You never know what you might find when you start construction work or home renovation.
___________________________________________________ JOB SEEKERS FROM THE PAST Julius Caesar: My last job involved a lot of office politics and back stabbing. I'd like to get away from all that. Jesse James: I can list among my experiences and skills: leadership, extensive travel, logistical organization, intimate understanding of firearms, and a knowledge of sescurity measures at numerous banks. Marie Antoinette: My management style has been criticzed, but I'd like to think of myself as a people person. Joseph Guillotin: I can give your company a head start on the competition. Hamlet: My position was eliminated in a hostsile takeover. Lucrezia Borgia: My greatest accomplishment? After I took over the department, our competition just seemed to drop out of sight one by one. Pandora: I can bring a lot to your company. I like discovering new things. Genghis Khan: My primary talent is downsizing. On my last job I downsized my staff, my organization, and the populations of several countries. Macbeth: Would I go after my boss's job? Do I look like the kind of guy who would knock of his boss for a promotion? Lady Godiva: What do you mean this isn't business casual? Elvis: My last boss and I...say, are you going to eat those fries? ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
"We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight or if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, 'You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms.'" --- Elayne Boosler ____________________________________________________

Today, August 11 in
1860 The first successful silver mill in America began
operations. The mill was in Virginia City, NV. 

1874 A patent for the sprinkler head was given to Harry S.
Parmelee. 

1877 The two moons of Mars were discovered by Asaph Hall,
an American astronomer. He named them Phobos and Deimos. 

1896 Harvey Hubbell received a patent for the electric
light bulb socket with a pull-chain switch. 

1909 The American ship Arapahoe became the first to ever
use the SOS distress signal off the coast of Cape Hatteras,
NC. 

1924 Newsreel pictures were taken of U.S. presidential
candidates for the first time. 

1934 Alcatraz, in San Francisco Bay, received federal
prisoners for the first time. 

1941 The Atlantic Charter was signed by U.S. President
Franklin Roosevelt and British Prime Minister Winston
Churchill. 

1942 During World War II, Pierre Laval publicly announced
"the hour of liberation for France is the hour when Germany
wins the war." 

1945 The Allies informed Japan that they would determine
Emperor Hirohito's future status after Japan's surrender. 

1951 The first major league baseball game to be televised
in color was broadcast. The Brooklyn Dodgers defeated the
Boston Braves 8-1. 

1954 Seven years of fighting came to an end in Indochina. A
formal peace was in place for the French and the Communist
Vietminh. 

1962 Andrian Nikolayev, of the Soviet Union, was launched
on a 94-hour flight. He was the third Russian to go into
space. 

1965 The U.S. conducted a second launch of "Surveyor-SD 2"
for a landing on the Moon surface test. 

1975 The U.S. vetoed the proposed admission of North and
South Vietnam to the United Nations. The Security Council
had already refused to consider South Korea's application. 

1984 U.S. President Ronald Reagan was preparing for his
weekly radio broadcast when, during testing of the
microphone, the President said of the Soviet Union, "My
fellow Americans, I am pleased to tell you that I just
signed legislation that would outlaw Russia forever. We
begin bombing in five minutes." 

1990 Egyptian and Moroccan troops joined U.S. forces in
Saudia Arabia to help protect from a possible Iraqi attack.


1991 The space shuttle Atlantis ended its nine-day journey
by landing safely. 

1992 In Bloomington, MN, the Mall of America opened. It was
the largest shopping mall in the United States. 

1994 A U.S. federal jury awarded $286.8 million to about
10,000 commercial fishermen for losses as a result of the
1989 Exxon Valdez oil spill. 

1995 All U.S. nuclear tests were banned by President
Clinton. 

1997 U.S. President Clinton made the first use of the line-
item veto approved by Congress, rejecting three items in
spending and tax bills. 

1998 British Petroleum became No. 3 among oil companies
with the $49 billion purchase of Amoco. It was the largest
foreign takeover of a U.S. company. 

2002 US Airways announced that it had filed for bankruptcy.


2003 Charles Taylor, President of Liberia, flew into exile
after ceding power to his vice president, Moses Blah. 

2003 In Kabul, NATO took command of the 5,000-strong
peacekeeping force in Afghanistan.

2018  smiled.
https://www.facebook.com/TheAliDee/videos/10156690607066942/


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Spam from Excite 




Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, August 10
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Donald Duck received the 2,257th star on the Hollywood
Walk of Fame. The Hollywood Chamber of Commerce has decided
to permanently remove Donald Trump's star since they are
strictly a Mickey Mouse outfit,
and unhappy about the people electing Donald Trump instead
of Broom Hilda.

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Virginia man arrested for robbery 
had 2 year old oddler son with him
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, August 10 in
1885 The first electric streetcar, to be used commercially,
was operated in Baltimore, MD, by Leo Daft. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
People can have the Model T in any colour-- so long as it's black. --- Henry Ford (1863 - 1947) Any word you have to hunt for in a thesaurus is the wrong word. There are no exceptions to this rule. --- Stephen King (1947 - ) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Rubye for this story: Please excuse the rough language in the following story... I would have deleted them, but the story wouldn't be the same. A young couple got married and went on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother. "Well,"said her mother,"so how was the honeymoon?" Oh, mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..." Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language -- things I'd never heard before!I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to take me home..., "PLEASE MAMA!" "Sarah, Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! You need to stay with your husband and work this out. Now, tell me, what could be so awful WHAT 4-letter words?" "Please don't make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed, they're just too awful! COME GET ME, PLEASE!!" "Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset. Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!" Sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, Mama..., he used words like: dust, wash, iron, and cook..." "Oy, what a schmuck! I'll pick you up in twenty minutes," said the mother. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Three small boys were bragging about their fathers. The first boasted that his dad owned a farm. The second said his dad owned a factory. The third boy, a pastors son, replied: "That's nothin'. My dad owns hell." "No way," another boy scoffed. "How can a man own hell?" "Sure he can," the preacher's son said. "My mom told my grandma that them elders of our church gave it to him last night." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Lundy Wayne Riley, 29, Newport News, Virginia Virginia man arrested for robbery had 2 year old oddler son with him A man has been charged after attempting a robbery with his two-year-old son with him during the incident, according to police. On August 5 around 3:30 a.m., police were dispatched to the All Auto Repairs shop located at 9412 Warwick Boulevard. At the same time, units were across the street at the 7- Eleven with a man in custody on attempted robbery charges. The owner of the auto shop said he had had a burglary alarm go off at his business and the front door had been smashed. Police said their investigation revealed the man in custody for robbery had attempted to burglarize the auto shop at 3 a.m. Police said he also tried to take the 7-Eleven clerk's car keys and assaulted a second person in an unsuccessful attempt to take his car keys as well. Police identified the man as 29-year-old Lundy Wayne Riley. They said he had his two-year-old son with him during the incidents. The young boy was not injured, police said. Riley was charged with Attempted Robbery, Burglary and Contributing to the Delinquency of a Minor.
From: Mindy Re: Excite.com Dear Webby, What's with all this spam coming from excite.com? Can't anything be done about it? Mindy Dear Mindy Excite seems to be spammer friendly. I simply trash all mail coming from excite.com, right on the server, unseen by anybody, automatically. If you don't have MailWasher, then tell your ISP to block all mail coming from excite.com. You never get any useful mail from an excite.com address anyway. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
The mother of three notoriously unruly youngsters was asked whether or not she'd have children if she had it to do over again. "Sure," she replied, "but not the same ones."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A teacher was giving a lesson on the blood circulation. "If I stood on my head, then the blood, as you know, would flow into my head and I would turn red in the face," she explained. "That's right," remarked one of the students. "Then why doesn't the blood flow into my feet when I'm standing upright in an ordinary position?" shouted, "That's because your feet are not empty!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning Dirty Burner Rings Remove the rings from the stove. Place a paper towel that has been dampened with ammonia on top of each ring and put them in a plastic bag. Tie closed and let it sit outside overnight. The next day, open the bag outside, then wash the rings with a mild dish soap. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
The "Groom of Stool."Â The toilet duties of Dukes and Duchesses of England.
___________________________________________________ An old lady had always wanted to travel abroad. Now that she was getting on in years, she thought she would really like to do so before she died. But until now, she'd never even been out of the country. So she began by going in person to the Passport Office and asking how long it would take to have one issued. "You must take the loyalty oath first," responded the passport clerk. "Raise your right hand, please." The old gal raised her right hand. "Do you swear to defend the Constitution of the United States against all its enemies, domestic or foreign?" was the first question. The little old lady's face paled and her voice trembled as she asked in a small voice, "Uhhh . . . all by myself?" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Are you interested in making $$$$ fast? Here's an incredibly simple way to do it, and there is nothing to buy, no investment to make, no money to lose! Try it now! Follow this simple procedure: 1) Hold down the shift key. 2) Hit the 4 key four times really quickly. ---------- Are you going to groan first, or forward it first? ____________________________________________________

Today, August 10 in
1792 King Louis XVI was taken into custody by mobs during
the French Revolution. He was executed the following
January after being put on trial for treason. 

1809 Ecuador began its fight for independence from Spain. 

1846 The Smithsonian Institution was chartered by the U.S.
Congress. The "Nation's Attic" was made possible by
$500,000 given by scientist Joseph Smithson. 

1859 In Boston, MA, the first milk inspectors were
appointed. 

1869 The motion picture projector was patented by O.B.
Brown. 

1881 Thomas Edison's exhibit opened the Paris Electrical
Exhibition. 

1885 The first electric streetcar, to be used commercially,
was operated in Baltimore, MD, by Leo Daft. 

1914 Austria-Hungary invaded Russia. 

1927 Mount Rushmore was formally dedicated. The individual
faces of the presidents were dedicated later. 

1944 U.S. forces defeated the remaining Japanese resistance
on Guam. 

1945 The day after the atomic bombing of Nagasaki, Japan
announced they would surrender. The only condition was that
the status of Emperor Hirohito would remain unchanged. 

1947 William Odom completed an around-the-world flight. He
set the solo record by completing the flight in 73 hours
and 5 minutes. 

1948 On ABC, "Candid Camera" made its TV debut. The
original title was "Candid Microphone." 

1954 Construction began on the St. Lawrence Seaway. 

1988 U.S. President Reagan signed a measure that provided
$20,000 payments to Japanese-Americans who were interned by
the U.S. government during World War II. 

1994 U.S. President Clinton claimed presidential immunity
when he asked a federal judge to dismiss, at least for the
time being, a sexual harassment lawsuit filed by Paula
Corbin Jones. 

1995 Norma McCorvey, "Jane Roe" of the 1973 U.S. Supreme
Court decision legalizing abortion, announced that she had
joined the anti-abortion group Operation Rescue. 

1999 Near an India-Pakistan border area an Indian fighter
jet shot down a Pakistani naval aircraft. Sixteen people
were killed. 

2003 Ekaterina Dmitriev and Russian cosmonaut Yuri
Malenchenko were married. Malenchenko was about 240 miles
above the earth in the international space station. It was
the first-ever marriage from space. 

2004 Donald Duck received the 2,257th star on the Hollywood
Walk of Fame. Donald Trump's star was permanetly removed
by the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce because he is not a
Communist / Socialist.

2018  smiled.


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Phish finder for Outlook 




Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, August 9

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Jacksonville man arrested for 
molesting teen inside church
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, August 9 in
1831 The first American steam locomotive began its 
first trip between Schenectady and Albany, NY. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Genuine goodness is threatening to those at the opposite end of the moral spectrum. --- Charles Spencer Don't discuss yourself, for you are bound to lose; if you belittle yourself, you are believed; if you praise yourself, you are disbelieved. --- Michel de Montaigne (1533 - 1592) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A rabbi is walking slowly down the street when a gust of wind blows his hat from his head. The hat is being blown down the street, but he is an old man, using a cane, and he can't walk fast enough to catch the hat. Across the street a young man sees what has happened ! and rushes over to grab the hat and returns it to the rabbi. "I don't think I would have been able to catch my hat," says the rabbi. "Thank you very much." The rabbi then places his hand on the man's shoulder and says, "May God bless you." The young man thinks to himself, "I've been blessed by the rabbi. This must be my lucky day!" So he goes to the racetrack, and in the first race he sees there is a horse named Stetson at 20 to 1. He bets $50, and sure enough, the horse comes in first. In the second race he sees a horse named Fedora at 30 to 1, so he bets it all and this horse comes in first also. Finally, at the end of the day, he returns home to his wife. When she asks him where he's been, he explains how he caught the rabbi's hat and was blessed by him and then went to the track and started winning on horses that had a hat in their names. "So where's the money?" she asks. "I lost it all in the ninth race. I bet on a horse named Chateau and it lost." "You fool, Chateau is a house; Chapeau is a hat!" "It doesn't matter," he said. "The winner was some Japanese horse named Yarmulke." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ While awaiting the arrival of our "puddle jumper" airplane for the return flight across Jamaica to the major airport, I sat wringing my hands and trying to quiet the butterflies in my stomach in anticipation of the tiny airplane and a very bumpy flight. Suddenly, an old fire truck began speeding down the runway, toward the arriving airplane, with sirens blaring. Frantic now, I implored the ticket agent to tell me what was happening. She calmly answered, "Oh they just do that to clear the chickens off the runway." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Robert Browning, 59, Jacksonville, Florida Jacksonville man arrested for molesting teen inside church The Jacksonville Sheriff's Office announced the arrest of a Jacksonville man for lewd or lascivious battery, molestation and transmission of material harmful to minors. Robert Browning, 59, is accused of having an inappropriate relationship with a person under the age of 16. According to the report from JSO, the minor and Browning exchanged nude photographs. The report said Browning and the victim engaged in consensual oral sex and that Browning conducted lewd molestation on the victim. Text messages from the phones were retrieved, revealing contestation about the relationship, the report said. The incident is alleged to have occurred inside the Cedar Creek Baptist Church in Jacksonville. Browning had worked at the school and church for 6 years. He has been fired. The pastor, John Montgomery, said news of the arrest was a "total shock." “Out of all the people who we have hired, out of these many many years, he would have been the last person that I would have thought to have done something like this," Montgomery said. "He never gave any appearance of this."
From: Tina Re: Hidden phishing URLs in Outlook Dear Webby, I know you warned us about Outlook not showing dangerous URLs and only the phony nicknames in spoofs and phishing emails, but the boneheads at Telus are not competent enough to support anything except Outlook and Outlook Express. At one time, all they supported was Eudora, but those days are as gone as cheap gas and my sexy looks. Is there ANY way at all to trick Outlook into showing whether for example the nickname "eBay.com" links to eBay or to some crook in Russia or Romania? Thanks Tina Dear Tina I got a lot of mails like yours, and I spent a lot of time searching. However, it seems that, when those programs were written, making them "cute and bimbo-proof" was the top and only priority. Nobody knows of a setting to make them act like standard email programs. However, I found a third party patch that will fix that problem. It is called Blue Fur Phish Finder and is available at BuleFur Phish Phinder However, if you are serious about eliminating all scams, get Mail Washer. It not only shows the secret underlying real email, checks the content for malicious or phony stuff, and flags it OK or ready to send to hell, You can, of course, look over the recommended actions and take the delete flag off a mail that was erroneously flagged. You can also make filters so that it dumps certain mails without listing them. For example, if you are fed up with Publishers Clearing House and never want to see their emails again, then you make a filter to automatically dump those mails, without showing them in the list. The same goes for foreign spam. If you don't speak or read Korean or Russian, you can block mails using those languages or coming from those countries. It is like an intellectual game, you and Mailwasher against the scammers and spammers. It is pretty good already as is, but as you customize it it gets more precise every time you touch it. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
At the beginning of a children's sermon, one girl came up to the altar wearing a beautiful dress. As the children were sitting down around the pastor, the pastor leaned over and said to the girl, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Sunday dress?" The girl replied almost directly into the pastor's clip-on mike, "Yes . . and my mom says it's a summana-bitch to iron."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The young man entered the Ice Cream Palace and asked, "What kinds of ice cream do you have?" "Vanilla, chocolate, strawberry," the girl wheezed as she spoke, patted her chest and seemed unable to continue. "You got laryngitis?" the young man asked sympathetically. "Nope," she whispered, "just vanilla, chocolate and strawberry." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Makeshift Knife Sharpener In a pinch, you can sharpen a knife on the bottom of a ceramic coffee mug. Hold the blade at a slight angle and sharpen it on the unglazed ring on the bottom of the mug. It's not ideal, but it will work. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Five of the world's most fascinating small towns.
___________________________________________________ Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive's wife stopped by his office. She found him with his secretary sitting in his lap. Without hesitating, he dictated, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, shortage or no shortage, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair that is safe to use." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
There was this party in the woods and all of a sudden there was a downpour of thunder and rain. These two young men ran for about 10 minutes in the pouring rain, finally reaching their car just as the rain let up. They jumped in the car, started it up and headed down the road, laughing and, of course, still drinking one beer after the other. All of a sudden an old man's face appeared in the passenger window and tapped lightly on the window! The passenger screamed out, "eeeeekkk! Look at my window!!! There's an old guy's face there!" (Was this a ghost?!?!?!?) This old man kept knocking, so the driver said "well open the window a little and ask him what he wants!" So the other passenger rolled his window down part way and said, scared out of his wits, "What do you want???" The old man sofly replied, "Do you have any tobacco?" The passenger , terrified, looked at the driver and said, "He wants tobacco!" "Well give him a cigarette! HURRY!!" the driver replies. So he fumbles around with the pack and hands the old man a cigarette and yells "Step on it!!", rolling up the window in terror. Now with the speedometer showing about 80 miles an hour, they calm down and they start laughing again, and the passenger says, "What do you think of that?" The driver says, "I don't know? How could that be? I am going pretty fast?" Then all of a sudden AGAIN there is a knock on the window and there is the old man again. "aaaaaaaaaaaaa, there he is again!", the passenger yells. "Well, see what he wants now!" yells back the driver. He rolls down the window a little ways and shakely says "Yes?" "Do you have a light?" the old man quietly asks. He throws a lighter out the window at him and rolls up the window and yells, "STEP ON IT!" They are now doing about 100 miles an hour and still guzzling beer, trying to forget what they had just seen and heard, when all of a sudden again there is more knocking! "Oh my God! HE'S BACK!" He rolls down the window and screams out in sheer terror, "WHAT DO YOU WANT?" The old man gently replies, "Do you guys want some help getting out of the mud???" ____________________________________________________

Today, August 9 in
1790 The Columbia returned to Boston Harbor after a three-
year voyage. It was the first ship to carry the American
flag around the world. 

1831 The first American steam locomotive began its 
first trip between Schenectady and Albany, NY. 

1842 The U.S. and Canada signed the Webster-Ashburton
Treaty, which solved a border dispute. 

1848 Martin Van Buren was nominated for president by the
Free-Soil Party in Buffalo, NY. 

1854 "Walden" was published by Henry David Thoreau. 

1859 The escalator was patented by Nathan Ames. 

1892 Thomas Edison received a patent for a two-way
telegraph. 

1893 "Gut Holz" was published. It was America's first
bowling magazine. 

1910 A.J. Fisher received a patent for the electric washing
machine. 

1930 Betty Boop had her beginning in "Dizzy Dishes" created
by Max Fleischer. 

1936 Jesse Owens won his fourth gold medal at the Berlin
Olympics. He was the first American to win four medals in
one Olympics. 

1942 Mohandas K. Gandhi was arrested Britain. He was not
released until 1944. 

1942 CBS radio debuted "Our Secret Weapon." 

1944 The Forest Service and Wartime Advertising Council
created "Smokey the Bear." 

1945 The U.S. dropped an atomic bomb on Nagasaki. The
bombing came three days after the bombing of Hiroshima.
About 74,000 people were killed. Conventional bombing of
Tokyo continued. Japan surrendered August 14. 

1945 The first network television broadcast occurred in
Washington, DC. The program announced the bombing of
Nagasaki, Japan. 

1956 The first statewide, state-supported educational
television network went on the air in Alabama. 

1965 Singapore proclaimed its independence from the
Malaysian Federation. 

1973 The U.S. Senate committee investigating the Watergate
affair filed suit against President Richard Nixon. 

1974 U.S. PresidentRichard Nixon formally resigned. Gerald
R. Ford took his place, and became the 38th president of
the U.S. 

1975 The New Orleans Superdome was officially opened when
the Saints played the Houston Oilers in exhibition
football. The new Superdome cost $163 million to build. 
	
1988 Wayne Gretzky (Edmonton Oilers) was traded. The trade
was at Gretzky's request. He was sent to the Los Angeles
Kings. 

1996 Boris Yeltsin was sworn in as president of Russia for
the second time. 

1999 Russian President Boris Yeltsin fired Prime Minister
Sergei Stepashin and his entire cabinet for the fourth time
in 17 months. 

2001 U.S. President George W. Bush announced he would
support federal funding for limited medical research on
embryonic stem cells. 

2004 Donald Duck received the 2,257th star on the Hollywood
Walk of Fame. 

2018  smiled.


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Disappearing files 




Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, August 8

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
4-year-old drowned in river was 
screaming as mom carried her into water 
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, August 8 in
1899 The refrigerator was patented by A.T. Marshall
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The prime purpose of eloquence is to keep other people from talking. --- Louis Vermeil What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left. --- Oscar Levant (1906 - 1972) The keenest sorrow is to recognize ourselves as the sole cause of all our adversities. --- Sophocles ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man goes to a clinic early on a Monday morning and asks to see a doctor. He appears to be in great pain, and his hands are in bandages. The nurse looks at him sympathetically. "Arthritis, with complications?" she asks. "No," says the man. "Do-it-yourself, with concrete blocks." ------------- Believe it or not, the best remedy by far is doing the dishes! Not loading the dishwasher, but doing them the old fashioned way with your hands deep in the dish water. I have done a lot of concrete work and I KNOW. After doing concrete work I will fight for doing the dishes. Actually, I learned to like doing them and volunteer even if there is no concrete work for many miles around. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Looks like Grand Canyon, AZ Wish I was there! _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A little town attracted the attention of sociologists at the state university because of its high birth rate. A team of researchers wrote a grant proposal, got a chunk of money, hired additional staff members and moved to the town. While the staff was busy getting ready for the big research effort, the project director went to the local coffee shop for a cup of coffee. While he was drinking his coffee, he started talking with the waitress, and at one point in the conversation he asked her if she has any idea why the birth rate is so high. "Sure," she says. "Every morning the 6:00 train comes through here and blows its whistle for the crossing. It wakes everybody up, and, well, it's too late to go back to sleep, and it's too early to get up." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD AND a Darwin Award has been earned by Shakayla Monae Denson, 26, Tampa, Florida 4-year-old drowned in river was screaming as mom carried her into water The Tampa police chief’s voice seemed to halt more than once Friday as he updated the public on the shocking death of Je’Hyrah Daniels, who witnesses said was carried screaming into the Hillsborough River by her mother Thursday afternoon and left there to drown. Shakayla Monae Denson, 26, is charged with first-degree felony murder, aggravated child abuse and grand theft auto, Chief Brian Dugan said during a Friday morning media briefing. She had been observed earlier, when she stole a car and forced the kid into it, and again later, when she pulled the screaming kid out of the car and carried her into the river. The kid seems to have been aware that her mother was going to drown her. The chief said investigators are struggling to determine why Denson would kill her daughter. “Unfortunately, when you deal with these tragic situations, we tend to have more questions than we do the answers,” Dugan said. “We’re still digging into Denson and what her state of mind is.” The girl's mother, Shakayla Denson, 26, is accused of carrying the screaming girl into the river and dumping her in the murky water before wading out again. The girl's body was found by divers about 30 minutes later. Bronte Wittpenn/Tampa Bay Times via AP “We’re going to have to figure out what her mindset was that took her and put her in a place where she would leave a 4-year-old to drown in the Hillsborough River,” Dugan said. WFTS in Tampa reported that the Hillsborough County Sheriff’s Office wrapped up an investigation into Denson’s parenting just three days before Je’Hyrah was killed. The agency’s Child Protection Investigation Division began a probe June 19 into allegations of inadequate supervision of the girl. The investigative report obtained by the news station states that about a month before, the toddler was with her mother at her great-grandmother’s home when she wandered away to a nearby park. Though the distance from the house to the park was not listed, the case worker estimated it to be about a six-minute walk. “The mother seems overwhelmed and tired of caring for Je’Hyrah,” the summary of allegations in the report says. “Je’Hyrah is (redacted) non-verbal, and it seems like the mother is upset that she has these disabilities and is not the baby she dreamed of having. “The mother is easily distracted and doesn't show much attention toward Je'Hyrah. She just lets her run around and do what she wants. She doesn't seem to have the maturity to address the special needs that Je’Hyrah has.” The case worker assigned to the investigation reported that Denson’s home was appropriate and free of hazards and had a security system that sounded if a door was opened. Je’Hyrah appeared well cared for and had no bruises or other marks visible on her body, the report says. “She was playing in the house during the visit and appeared to be happy, healthy and active,” the report states. “She was bonded with the mother and appeared to listen to basic commands.”
From: Juniper Re: Disappearing files Dear Webby, Lately I noticed that MailWasher will spool down a hundred or so mails, but then just show a listing of 15 - 20. What's the scoop? Should I be concerned? Juniper Dear Juniper That's just a sign that you are getting good with making filters. For example, if you made a filter that deletes mails automatically, if they contain the names of certain pharmaceuticals or watches or stock in the body of the mail, then MailWasher will count them, but it won't insult your eyes with that crap. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
An old Spanish poet from the middle centuries whose name is unknown, made the following statement: "One must attempt the ridiculous, if he expects to achieve the impossible."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Good News: You baptized seven people today in the river. Bad News: You lost two of them in the swift current. Good News: The Women's Guild voted to send you a get-well card. Bad News: The vote passed by 31-30. Good News: The Elder Board accepted your job description the way you wrote it. Bad News: They were so inspired by it, they also formed a search committee to find somebody capable of filling the position. Good News: You finally found a choir director who approaches things exactly the same way you do. Bad News: The choir mutinied. Good News: Mrs. Jones is wild about your sermons. Bad News: Mrs. Jones is also wild about the "Gong Show," "Beavis and Butthead" and "Texas Chain Saw Massacre." Good News: Your women's softball team finally won a game. Bad News: They beat your men's softball team. Good News: The trustees finally voted to add more church parking. Bad News: They are going to blacktop the front lawn of your parsonage. Good News: Church attendance rose dramatically the last three weeks. Bad News: You were on vacation. Good News: Your deacons want to send you to the Holy Land. Bad News: They are stalling until the next war. Good News: Your biggest critic just left your church. Bad News: He has been appointed the Head Bishop of your denomination. Good News: The youth in your church come to your house for a surprise visit. Bad News: It's in the middle of the night and they are armed with toilet paper and shaving cream to "decorate" your house. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Muddy Footprints When you get muddy footprints in your house or car, sprinkle them with baking soda and let them dry. Once dry, vacuum up the dirt and then clean any leftover stain with Resolve or a similar carpet spot cleaner. If you try to clean the mud when it is wet, it will just spread it around. If you are in a hurry, use Zorb-All or any similar industrial absorbent material. You get it at automotive parts stores and many industrial and construction supply places. It is sort of like an industrial strength kitty litter. A bag that will fill 3 five gallon pails is usually around $12 - $15. It will absorb any liquid and even pull dried and sun baked motor oil out of carpet or concrete. Just sprinkle it on, spread it a bit and let it sit for 15 -20 minutes, less if it is just puddle mud, then sweep or vacuum. Even ancient oil stains on your driveway from the previous owner's old klunker, will get pulled out of the concrete over night. Don't get stuck on the name "Zorb-All". That's a generic name like "Crescent Wrench". The people at the automotive parts store will know what you mean, but the name on the bag will depend on where you live and the brand they stock. Have FUN! DearWebby Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
This artist burns fractals into wood and then turns it into furniture. Look at the gallery on their web site.
___________________________________________________ A tall, handsome, confident gentleman walked over to a girl and made a disparaging remark about the men who had been chatting her up. She laughed gaily, "When I don't want a man's attentions," she confided, "and he asks where I live, I just say, 'I'm visiting here.'" "Ha-ha," he laughed, relishing her humor. "Where do you really live?" "In Alaska. I'm just visiting here." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
OLE 'N LENA HAVE A BABY Lena is pregnant with Ole's child. Late one night, Lena vakes Ole and says, "I tink it's time!" So Ole fired up the Yohn Deere tractor and took her to the hospital to have their first baby. She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over at Ole and said, "A son! Ain't dat great!" Well, Ole got excited by dis, but yust den the doctor spoke up and said, "Hold on! We ain't finished yet!" The doctor den held up a little girl. He said, "Hey, Ole! You got you a daughter!" She's a pretty little ting, too." Ole got kind of puzzled by this, an then the doctor said, "Holey Moley, Ole, we still ain't done yet!" The doctor then delivered another boy and said, "Ole, you yust had yourself another boy!" Ole was flabbergasted by this news! A couple days later, Ole brought Lena and their three children home in the self-propelled combine. He was real serious and he asked Lena, "How come we got tree on the first try?" Lena said, "You remember dat night we ran out of Vaseline and you vent out in the garage and got dat dere 3-in-1 Oil?" Ole said, "Yeah, I do. Uffda! It's a dam good ting I didn't get the WD-40." ____________________________________________________

Today, August 8 in
1356 Edward "the Black Prince" began a raid north from
Aquitaine. 

1815 Napoleon Bonaparte set sail for St. Helena, in the
South Atlantic. The remainder of his life was spent there
in exile. 

1844 After the killing of Joseph Smith on June 27, Bringham
Young was chosen to lead the Mormons. 

1876 Thomas Edison received a patent for the mimeograph.
The mimeograph was a "method of preparing autographic
stencils for printing." 

1899 The refrigerator was patented by A.T. Marshall. 

1900 In Boston, the first Davis Cup series began. The U.S.
team defeated Great Britain three matches to zero. 

1911 The number of representatives in the U.S. House of
Representatives was established at 435. There was one
member of Congress for every 211,877 residents. 

1940 The German Luftwaffe began a series of daylight air
raids on Great Britain. 

1945 The United Nations Charter was signed by U.S.
President Truman. 

1945 At the end of World War II the Soviet Union declared
war on Japan. 

1950 Whataburger opened its restaurant in Corpus Christi,
TX. 

1953 The U.S. and South Korea initiated a mutual security
pact. 

1956 Japan launched an oil tanker that was 780 feet long
and weighed 84,730 tons. It was the largest oil tanker in
the world. 

1966 Michael DeBakey became the first surgeon to install an
artificial heart pump in a patient. 

1974 U.S. President Nixon announced that he would resign
the following day. 

1978 The U.S. launched Pioneer Venus II, which carried
scientific probes to study the atmosphere of Venus. 

1988 It was announced that a cease-fire between Iraq and
Iran had begun. 

1989 The space shuttle Columbia took off from Cape
Canaveral, FL. The trip was said to be a secret five-day
military mission. 

1990 American forces began positioning in Saudia Arabia,
ready to step across the line into Iraq. 

1991 John McCarthy, a British TV producer, was released by
his Lebanese kidnappers. He had been held captive for more
than five years. A rival group abducted Jerome Leyraud in
retaliation and threatened to kill him if any more hostages
were released. 

1991 The U.N. Security Council approved North and South
Korea for membership. 

1994 The first road link between Israel and Jordan opened. 

1994 Representatives from China and Taiwan signed a
cooperation agreement. 

1995 Saddam Hussein's two eldest daughters, their husbands,
and several senior army officers defected. 

2000 The submarine H.L. Hunley was raised from ocean bottom
after 136 years. The sub had been lost during an attack on
the U.S.S. Housatonic in 1864. The Hunley was the first
submarine in history to sink a warship.

2018  smiled.


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Partial screen sshot 




Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, August 7

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Serial killer accidentally kills himself 
while ‘masturbating with electricity’ 
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, August 7 in
1947 The balsa wood raft Kon-Tiki, which had carried a six-
man crew 4,300 miles across the Pacific Ocean, crashed into
a reef in a Polynesian archipelago. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Nothing shocks me. I'm a scientist. --- Harrison Ford (1942 - ) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ While on leave, my Marine buddy and I met two nursing students from Southern California. After chatting them up awhile, the conversation turned to what we did in the service. When we told them we were in the infantry, the girls seemed very impressed, giving us big smiles as they told us how sweet that was. Since infantry and sweet are seldom used in the same sentence, I was a little confused. Until, that is, one of the girls said, "We admire any man who works with infants." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. "Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon,a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub." "Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup." "No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?" ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD AND a Darwin Award has been earned by Egidius Schiffer Bochum, Germany Serial killer accidentally kills himself while ‘masturbating with electricity’ in cell A serial killer jailed for the murder of five women has been found dead in his cell after hooking up an electric current to his nipples and penis. Egidius Schiffer, dubbed the Aechen Strangler, is believed to have killed himself accidentally whilst masturbating with electric shocks at Bochum Prison in Germany. He was found dead on Sunday with a table lamp chord attached to his body parts while the other end was plugged into an electric socket. Schiffer murdered five hitchhikers between 1983 and 1990 and was sentenced to life imprisonment, according to The Times. A Bochum Prison spokeswoman Candida Tunkel said: ‘He removed a cable from his bedside table lamp, then wound it around his nipples and his penis and stuck the end in a power socket.’ Schiffer died from heart failure after an electric current flowed through his chest and his death was likely the result of an accident ‘rather than a suicidal incident’, officials said. He was being held in solitary confinement and last seen alive at 1pm on Saturday. Schiffer was jailed 18 years after his last murder after DNA evidence linked him to the killing in 2008. He was caught because he had given a DNA sample to police after being suspected of stealing scrap metal. His five victims were all women, aged between 15 and 31, and he had raped three of them. ------------ Knowing electricity, I would say he must have had some help. Unlike the Direct Current used in tasers, household current is Alternating Current, which does not paralyze. It would have made him jump like the proverbial African Magician and would have torn the wires off his body just from involuntary movements. You have probably seen all the belts and straps used on Electric Chairs, because of the involuntary movements due to Alternating Current. He would have had to have a bunch of people sitting on him, to be still for the 5 seconds required to stop his heart. Well, it makes no difference. He is in hell now.
From Fran Re: Selective screen capture Dear Webby, think you might have answered this before, but I can't find it. How do I capture just the active window, not the entire screen ? Thanks Fran Dear Fran Try ALT and the PrintScreen key. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
is approached by the lifeguard at the public swimming pool. "You're not allowed to pee in the pool," said the lifeguard. "I'm going to have to report you." "But everyone pees in the pool," said . "Maybe," said the lifeguard, "but not from the diving board!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A clergyman, walking down a country lane, sees a young farmer struggling to load hay back onto a cart after it had fallen off. "You look hot, my son," said the cleric. "Why don't you rest a moment, and I'll give you a hand." "No thanks," said the young man. "My father wouldn't like it." "Don't be silly," the minister said. "Everyone is entitled to a break. Come and have a drink of water." Again the young man protested that his father would be upset. Losing his patience, the clergyman said, "Your father must be a real slave driver. Tell me where I can find him and I'll give him a piece of my mind!" "Well," replied the young farmer, "he's under the load of hay ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Friends and Family Mailing Lists Consider setting up an email discussion list to help stay in touch with friends and family. It can be a great way to post announcements with family members all over the world. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
The new Silk Road
___________________________________________________ Two Canadians are driving in Texas. A Texas Ranger notices out of the country plates and turns on the lights and pulls them over. Officer walks over to the car, the driver rolls down his window and the officer takes his billy club and whacks the driver on the back of the head. The Canadian driver asks what that was for. The officer says, "This is Texas, boy, when you see these flashing lights to pull you over, you gets your insurance, license and registration ready, don't make me wait!" The officer checks them out and returns the documents. Then the officer walks over to the other side of the car and taps his wand on the glass, the passenger rolls down his window and the officer whacks him in the head. "What was that for", the Canadian Passenger asks. "Boy", I just made your wishes come true,"says the officer. "What does that mean" asks the passenger. "Well, you boys are going to get five miles down the road and you're going to say, "Boy, I wish that dumb cop had tried that with me!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A tenderfoot scout is on his first camping trip. As soon as he has pitched his tent, he goes for a hike in the woods. In about 15 minutes, however, he rushes back into camp, bruised, bleeding and disheveled. "What happened?" asks his patrol leader. "I was chased by a black snake," the frightened boy cries. The older boy smiles. "A black snake isn't deadly," he says "Hey," the tenderfoot groans. "If it can make you jump off a 150-foot cliff, it is." ____________________________________________________

Today, August 7 in
1782 George Washington created the Order of the Purple
Heart. 

1888 Theophilus Van Kannel received a patent for the
revolving door. 

1914 Germany invaded France. 

1928 The U.S. Treasure Department issued a new bill that
was one third smaller than the previous U.S. bills. 

1934 The U.S. Court of Appeals upheld a lower court ruling
striking down the government's attempt to ban the
controversial James Joyce novel "Ulysses." 

1942 U.S. forces landed at Guadalcanal, marking the start
of the first major official allied offensive in the Pacific
during World War II. There had been many inofficial battles
earlier, which had prompted the Japanese to "retaliate" at
Pearl harbor.

1947 The balsa wood raft Kon-Tiki, which had carried a six-
man crew 4,300 miles across the Pacific Ocean, crashed into
a reef in a Polynesian archipelago. 

1959 The U.S. launched Explorer 6, which sent back a
picture of the Earth. 

1960 The Cuban Catholic Church condemned the rise of
communism in Cuba. Fidel Castro then banned all religious
TV and radio broadcasts. 

1964 The U.S. Congress passed the Gulf of Tonkin
resolution, which gave President Johnson broad powers in
dealing with reported North Vietnamese attacks on U.S.
forces. 

1974 French stuntman Philippe Petit walked a tightrope
strung between the twin towers of New York's World Trade
Center. 

1976 Scientists in Pasadena, CA, announced that the Viking
1 spacecraft had found strong indications of possible life
on Mars. 

1983 AT&T employees went on strike. 

1987 The presidents of five Central American nations, met
in Guatemala City, and signed an 11-point agreement
designed to bring peace to their region. 

1990 U.S. President George H.W. Bush ordered U.S. troops
and warplanes to Saudi Arabia to guard against a possible
invasion by Iraq. 

1999 Tony Gwynn (San Diego Padres) got his 3,000th hit of
his major league career. 

2003 In California, Arnold Schwarzenegger announced that he
would run for the office of governor. 

2003 Stephen Geppi bought a 1963 G.I. Joe prototype for
$200,000.

2018  smiled.


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Lights for mixed indoor/outdoor shots 




Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, August 6

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Youngest woman to plot terror attack 
on British soil jailed for life
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, August 6 in
1945 The American B-29 bomber, known as the Enola Gay,
dropped the first atomic bomb on an inhabited area. The
bomb named "Little Boy" was dropped over the center of
Hiroshima, Japan. An estimated 140,000 people were killed.
(8:16am Japanese time)  
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
When I do good, I feel good; when I do bad, I feel bad, and that is my religion. --- Abraham Lincoln (1809 - 1865) By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. --- Socrates (469 BC - 399 BC) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ At a Milwaukee post office, a woman complained to the clerk that a Pony Express rider could get a letter from Milwaukee to St. Louis in two days, and now it takes five. "I'd like to know why," she scoffed. The clerk thought a moment and then suggested, "I guess the ponies must be getting old." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Pretty Boy is going to get his ears pierced in a moment! _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ The young woman looked up from her hospital bed at the handsome doctor and said breathlessly, "They tell me, doctor, that you're a real lady killer." The doctor smiled, "Maybe so.. But the jury threw the case out of court due to lack of evidence" ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Safaa Boular, 18, in jail London, England Youngest woman to plot terror attack on British soil jailed for life The youngest woman in history to be convicted of plotting a terror attack on British soil has been jailed for life. Safaa Boular, 18, hid her Islamic State-inspired plans in coded conversations about preparations for an innocent Mad Hatter’s tea party. She today became the final member of Britain’s first all-woman terror cell to be sentenced at the Old Bailey. Boular was sitting her GCSEs when she was seduced online by IS fighter Naweed Hussain, who was originally from Coventry. After she was stopped from joining the 32-year- old in Syria, she discussed a grenade and gun attack on the British Museum instead. Their plans were uncovered by online MI5 role-players and the Boular family home in Vauxhall, south London, was bugged. Boular’s resolve was strengthened when she learned Hussain had been killed in a drone strike in early April last year. While in custody for trying to travel to the war zone, she passed the baton to her older sibling Rizlaine. In coded telephone calls, they discussed a traditional English tea party with an Alice in Wonderland theme, the trial heard. Rizlaine Boular then set about arming herself and looking at targets around the Palace Of Westminster. She was helped by her mother Mina Dich, unaware they were being watched by counter-terrorism police. The older sister shared her plans with her friend Khawla Barghouthi, 21, and even practiced the knife attack at her home in Willesden, north-west London. Rizlaine, 22, was shot when armed police moved in to arrest the gang on 27 April last year but made a full recovery. She was jailed for life with a minimum term of 16 years, having admitted preparing acts of terrorism. Dich, 44, from Vauxhall Cross, south London, was jailed for six years and nine months with an additional five years on licence for helping her. UK Barghouthi, who pleaded guilty to failing to alert authorities, was jailed for two years and four months. Following a trial Safaa Boular was found guilty of two counts of preparing terrorist acts. She was today jailed for life with a minimum of 13 years.
Tech Support Pits From Kelly Re: Lights for digital camera Dear Webby, What kinds of lights should I get for taking mixed indoor and outdoor pictures with my digital camera? Thanks Kelly Dear Kelly When mixing indoor and outdoor, as in taking a picture out through an archway or a window or door towards scenery, you need very powerful lights. 1000 Watt, yes one thousand Watt Quartz construction lights work best. They usually come with an adjustable swivel mount and a huge alligator clamp to attach it to just about anything. Put a regular 1500 Watt dimmer switch and outlet into a dual outlet box for exterior usage at the end of an extension cord. The exterior outlet boxes not only make it usable outside, they have smooth corners and don't tear up your equipment case. 1000 Watts might seem like an awful lot, but there will be times when you wish you had two of them. Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
"At a recent speech to hundreds of university professors, Bill Gates said it's puzzling why more kids don't want to become computer programmers. Gee, I don't know, you think maybe it's because at some point they'd actually like to have a girlfriend." ---Jay Leno
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Fellow was trying to hit on a Blackjack dealer in Las Vegas without success. Finally in desperation he said, "Look. I'll give ya a hundred to sleep with me tonight." "You ain't gonna get no where being so crude either buddy." the girl said. "Tell ya what. Try betting me 100 dollars at 2:1 that I won't put out for ya." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Wash New Colored T-shirt Separately By littergitter A red t-shirt that is being washed in the sink to remove the excess dye.I put my red t-shirt in the bag with some dirty clothes to bring home from a trip. It must have had a little damp spot on it because it bled onto my beige shorts. I'm glad I did not throw it in the wash with the colored clothes. The white on my husbands plaid shirts may have come out pink. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Pretend you're on a sightseeing trip and scroll slowly through the trip of a lifetime
___________________________________________________ A Scotsman was dying. On his deathbed, he looked up and said: "Is my wife here?" His wife replies: "Yes, dear, I'm here, next to you.." The Scot goes: "Are my children here?" "Yes, daddy, we are all here." say the children. The Scot: "Are my other relatives also here?" And they say: "Yes, we are all here..." The Scot gets up and says: "Then why the hell is the light on in the kitchen?" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A man once counseled his son that if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a little gunpowder on his corn flakes every morning. The son did this religiously, and he lived to the age of 93. When he died, he left 14 children, 28 grandchildren, 35 great-grandchildren, and a 15 foot hole in the wall of the crematorium. ____________________________________________________

Today, August 6 in
1787 At the Constitutional Convention in Philadelphia
debate began on the first draft of the U.S. Constitution. 

1806 The Holy Roman Empire went out of existence as
Emperor Francis II abdicated. 

1825 Bolivia declared independence from Peru. 

1879 The first Australian rules football game to be
played at night took place at the Melbourne Cricket Ground.
The game was to promote the introduction of electricity to
the city of Melbourne. 

1914 Austria-Hungary declared war against Russia because
Russia sided with Serbia. Serbia declared war against
Germany. 

1926 Gertrude Ederle became the first American woman to
swim the English Channel. She was 19 years old at the time.
The swim took her 14 1/2 hours. 

1926 Warner Brothers premiered its Vitaphone system in
New York. The movie was "Don Juan," starring John
Barrymore. 

1945 The American B-29 bomber, known as the Enola Gay,
dropped the first atomic bomb on an inhabited area. The
bomb named "Little Boy" was dropped over the center of
Hiroshima, Japan. An estimated 140,000 people were killed.
(8:16am Japanese time) 

1960 Nationalization of U.S. and foreign-owned property
in Cuba began. The oil companies and the plantations have
never forgiven them for the theft.

1962 Jamaica became an independent dominion within the
British Commonwealth. 

1969 The first fair ball to be hit completely out of
Dodger Stadium occurred. Willie "Pops" Stargell, of the
Pittsburgh Pirates, hit the ball 506 feet from home plate. 

1981 Fire fighters in Indianapolis, IN, answered a false
alarm. When they returned to their station it was ablaze
due to a grease fire. 

1985 The 40th anniversary of the Hiroshima atomic bombing
brought tens of thousands of Japanese and foreigners to
Hiroshima. 

1986 William J. Schroeder died. He lived 620 days with
the Jarvik-7 manmade heart. He was the world's longest
surviving recipient of a permanent artificial heart. 

1990 The U.N. Security Council ordered a worldwide trade
embargo with Iraq. The embargo was to punish Iraq for
invading Kuwait. 

1995 Thousands of glowing lanterns were set afloat in
rivers in Hiroshima, Japan, on the 50th anniversary of the
first atomic bombing. 

1996 NASA announced the discovery of evidence of
primitive life on Mars. The evidence came in the form of a
meteorite that was found in Antarctica. The meteorite was
believed to have come from Mars and contained a fossil. 

1997 Apple Computer and Microsoft agreed to share
technology in a deal giving Microsoft a stake in Apple's
survival. 

1998 Former White House intern Monica Lewinsky spent 8
1/2 hours testifying before a grand jury about her
relationship with U.S. President Clinton. 

2012 The Mars rover Curiosity landed on the floor of Gale
Crater. The Mars Science Laboratory/Curiosity spacecraft
launched from Cape Canaveral Air Force Station, FL, on
November 26, 2011.

2018  smiled.


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POST code decoder 




Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, August 5

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Naked burglar helps himself to beer, 
food inside stranger's house and does
his own laundry.
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, August 5 in
1981 The U.S. federal government started firing 
striking air traffic controllers. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity. --- Harlan Ellison (1934 - ) If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed. --- Mark Twain ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The American tourist stood staring at the highland sentry standing guard outside Edinburgh Castle. After a few minutes she went up to the sentry and asked 'I've always wanted to find out what's worn under the kilt'. The sentry replied: 'There is nothing worn, Ma'am. It's all in perfect working order.' _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Little Johnny turns up in his classroom one morning to be confronted by his teacher. Teacher: "Morning Johnny, and why weren't you at school yesterday?" Johnny: "Well Miss, my Grandad got burnt." Teacher: "Oh Dear, he wasn't too badly hurt I hope?" Johnny: "Nothing left but ashes, Ma'am. They don't mess around at those crematoriums." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Bethel Bailey, 54, Arlington, Tennessee Naked burglar helps himself to beer, food inside stranger's house and does his own laundry. A Shelby County cyclist broke into a home and started washing his clothes after his bike tire went flat. Shelby County Sheriff's Office arrested Bethel Bailey, 54, and charged him with aggravated burglary for what happened August 1 in Arlington. A woman arrived home at around 6 a.m. Wednesday to find a man standing in her hallway with one of her blankets wrapped around his naked body. She immediately called 911. Deputies arrived and identified Bailey as the man inside the home. Bailey told deputies he arrived at the home around 11 p.m. the night before. He said he was out cycling when his tire went flat. He knocked on the front door of the house, but nobody answered. So he went around to the back of the house and got inside the home when he learned the back door was unlocked. Bailey said he just wanted a ride home. So he decided to wait for the homeowner to return. While he waited, he helped himself to a few beers, a ham sandwich, and some cookies. He then decided to start washing his clothes. He said that's why he was naked when the homeowner arrived. Bailey was arrested and issued a $6,000 bond.
Tech Support Pits From: Eddie Re: POST beep decoder Hi Mr Webby; Can you please tell me if this card is worth buying? Eddie POST PROBE PCI CARD Dear Eddie That's just an old-fashioned POST (Power On Self Test) beep decoder. In the days when components were still repaired, some people used the beep decoders. For example, with an IBM 3270, (before the PC), 3 long beeps signalled keyboard problems, usually a stuck key. "Hmmm, sounds like you have been eating at your desk again!" Turning the keyboard upside down and whacking it on the desk hard enough that all the rest of the cube dwellers popped up like gophers, usually fixed THAT problem. A long and a two short beeps indicated problems with the CGA video card on early IBM PC's and Canon XT's. Usually that problem was due to the video card creeping part way out of it's slot from heating and cooling. That called for "Percussive Maintenance". Lift the computer 10 inches and drop it onto the desk. "There, Ma'am. Should work fine now. Call me when it does it again." And so on. In those days, a good troubleshooter had all the POST code beeps memorized. Since then, things have gotten a bit simpler. Nowadays you see the post code numbers on the screen, or get 4 beeps, if there is a problem with the video card. If re-seating all the cards and memory doesn't help, and the "power-good" LED on the motherboard is lit up, you just start pulling and/or exchanging cards until you got the one that was causing the problem. If that doesn't help, replace the motherboard. If the problem is the power supply, you can tell by the sound of the power supply fan, or lack thereof. You can read about the POST beep codes at http://www.pchell.com/hardware/beepcodes.shtml however, that beep decoder is more of a nostalgia item than a modern troubleshooter's tool. Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
After a young couple brought their new baby home, the wife suggested that her husband should try his hand at changing diapers. "I'm busy," he said, "I'll do the next one." The next time came around and she asked again. The husband looked puzzled, "Oh! I didn't mean the next diaper. I meant the next baby!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The customer in the Italian restaurant was so pleased that he asked to speak to the chef. The owner proudly led him into the kitchen and introduced him to the chef. "Your veal parmigiana was superb," the customer said. "I just spent a month in Italy, and yours is better than any I ever had over there." "Naturally," the chef said. "Over there, they use domestic cheese. Ours is imported." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning Glass Doors On Wood Furniture If you have a nice piece of furniture with glass windows surrounded by wood, don't spray glass cleaner directly on the windows. Some of the cleaner is bound to get on the wood and can damage the finish. Dampen a rag with glass cleaner and then wipe the window clean with the rag. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Bizarre inventions in history that our ancestors had to use.
___________________________________________________ A sailor gets off his ship in New York late one night, hails a taxi and asks to be taken to 42nd Street. Along the way, he suddenly realizes that he doesn't have any money. Well-trained to be resourceful, and familiar with cabs in New York, of course, he tells the driver, "Stop," and he jumps out of the cab. "I'm just going to run over here to the drugstore to get some matches," he says. "I dropped a $100 bill somewhere back here and I can't find it in the dark." The sailor goes into the drugstore, and as soon as he's through the door, the taxi speeds off into the night -- just as he thought it would. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Definition Of Outdoor Barbecuing It's The Only Type Of Cooking Some Men Will Do: When A Man Volunteers To Do Such Cooking, The Following Chain Of Events Is Put Into Motion. (1) The Woman Goes To The Store. (2) The Woman Fixes The Salad, Vegetables, And Dessert. (3) The Woman Prepares The Meat For Cooking, Places It On A Tray Along With The Necessary Cooking Utensils, And Takes It To The Man, Who Is Lounging Beside The Grill, Drinking Beer. (4) The Man Places The Meat On The Grill. (5) The Woman Goes Inside To Set The Table And Check The Vegetables. (6) The Woman Comes Out To Tell The Man That The Meat Is Burning. (7) The Man Takes The Meat Off The Grill And Hands It To The Woman. (8) The Woman Prepares The Plates And Brings Them To The Table. (9) After Eating, The Woman Clears The Table And Does The Dishes. (10) The Man Asks The Woman How She Enjoyed "Her Night Off." And, Upon Seeing Her Annoyed Reaction, Concludes That There's Just No Pleasing Some Women. ____________________________________________________

Today, August 5 in
1833 The Village Of Chicago Was Incorporated. The
Population Was Approximately 250. 

1861 The U.S. Federal Government Levied Its First Income
Tax. The Tax Was 3% Of All Incomes Over $800. The Wartime
Measure Was Rescinded In 1872. 

1914 The First Electric Traffic Signal Lights Were
Installed In Cleveland, Ohio. 

1921 The First Play-By-Play Broadcast Of A Baseball Game
Was Done By Harold Arlin. Kdka Radio In Pittsburgh, Pa
Described The Action Between The Pirates And Philadelphia. 

1921 The Cartoon "On The Road To Moscow", By Rollin Kirby,
Was Published In The "New York World". It Was The First
Cartoon To Win A Pulitzer Prize. 

1944 Polish Insurgents Liberated A German Labor Camp In
Warsaw. 348 Jewish Prisoners Were Freed. 

1953 During The Korean Conflict Prisoners Were Exchanged At
Panmunjom. The Exchange Was Labeled Operation Big Switch. 

1963 The Limited Test Ban Treaty Was Signed By The United
States, Britain, And The Soviet Union. The Treaty Banned
Nuclear Tests In Space, Underwater, And In The Atmosphere. 

1964 U.S. Aircraft Bombed North Vietnam After North
Vietnamese Boats Attacked U.S. Destroyers In The Gulf Of
Tonkin. 

1966 In New York, Groundbreaking For The Construction Of
The Original World Trade Center Began. 

1969 The Mariner 7, A U.S. Space Probe, Passed By Mars.
Photographs And Scientific Data Were Sent Back To Earth. 

1981 The U.S. Federal Government Started Firing Striking
Air Traffic Controllers. 

1986 It Was Revealed That Artist Andrew Wyeth Had Secretly
Created 240 Drawings And Paintings Of His Neighbor. The
Works Of Helga Testorf Had Been Created Over A 15-Year
Period. 

1989 In Honduras, Five Central American Presidents Began
Meeting To Discuss The Timetable For The Dismantling Of The
Nicaraguan Contra Bases. 

1990 U.S. President George H.W. Bush Angrily Denounced The
Iraqi Invasion Of Kuwait. 

1991 Iraq Admitted To Misleading U.N. Inspectors About
Secret Biological Weapons. 

1992 Federal Civil Rights Charges Were Filed Against Four
Los Angeles Police Officers. The Officers Had Been
Acquitted On California State Charges. Two Of The Officers
Were Convicted And Jailed On Violation Of Civil Rights
Charges. 

1998 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein Began Not Cooperating
With U.N. Weapons Inspectors. 

2002 The U.S. Closed Its Consulate In Karachi, Pakistan.
The Consulate Was Closed After Local Authorities Removed
Large Concrete Blocks And Reopened The Road In Front Of The
Building To Normal Traffic. 

2009 Google Purchased Its First Public Company. The Company
Was The Video Software Maker On2 Technologies. 

2011 Nasa Announced That Its Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter
Had Captured Photographic Evidence Of Possible Liquid Water
On Mars During Warm Seasons. 

2011 Juno Was Launched From Cape Canaveral Air Force
Station On A Mission To Jupiter. It Was The First Solar-
Powered Spacecraft To Go To Jupiter. 

2011 Because Of Obama Standard & Poor's Financial Services
Lowered The United States' Aaa Credit Rating By One Notch
To Aa-Plus. 

2018  smiled.


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Pictures further into the dark 




Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, August 4

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Left wing extremist, chases down, 
rams car over Trump bumper sticker
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, August 4 in
1914 Britain declared war on Germany the day after Germany
declared war on France, Englan's perennial enemy. 
They did not want to be left out. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I never vote for anyone; I always vote against. --- W. C. Fields (1880 - 1946) Lord give me the coffee to change to change the things i can and wine to accept the things i cant. --- Mark Rogan ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand. The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter. Even the minister smiled broadly. As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Seven Mile Bridge, Florida _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A little boy and girl are playing in a sandbox. The little boy has to go to take a pee and he was told by his mother to always be polite and don't talk about private matters in public. At first he holds it in for a little while because he does not know what to say to the little girl to excuse himself. Then he remembers what his Mom had said at the restaurant to excuse herself from the table. So he turns to the little girl and says "Will you excuse me I have to go powder my nose". And saying that he leaps out of the sandbox and runs to the washroom. When he comes back the little girl looks up at him and asks "Did you powder your nose?" "Yes" said the little boy stepping back into the sandbox. "Well then" says the little girl, "You'd better close your purse because your lipstick is hanging out." ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Chloe Wright, 25, Taunton, Massachusetts Left wing extremist, chases down, rams car over Trump bumper sticker A Massachusetts man recently told police that earlier this week he was stopped at a red light when a woman pulled up behind him and began honking her horn in a belligerent manner. Then things really got crazy. He stated the driver then followed him down another road, still honking the horn and now screaming at him. And if you think things couldn’t get any nuttier, you’d be oh so wrong. They actually got worse. Way worse. “I could hear her screaming out of the car or something, so I’m like, ‘Man, maybe something’s wrong with my car,’” said the man identified by WBZ-TV only as “Brendan” for his safety. Well, apparently there was something wrong with his car — affixed upon it is a bumper sticker supporting President Donald Trump with his campaign slogan, “Make American Great Again.” Brendan added to the station that “the first thing she said when I came out of the car was, ‘Did you vote for Trump?’ And I was like, ‘Yeah, what of it?’” With that, he told WBZ, the driver yelled, “You’re racist!” along with “a bunch of cuss words” coming at him “nonstop.” But that wasn’t the worst of it. Brendan recorded video of the incident as the driver first allegedly hit the back of his car then clipped his open door, missing him by inches, WBZ said. “Her tire was right next to my foot,” Brendan recalled to the station. “That could have ended really bad.” The driver promptly fled the scene when she noticed she was on video, however the video taken of the incident captured the vehicle’s license plate number, which was then traced to Chloe Wright of Taunton. Wright was arrested by authorities a month later on Monday and she has plead not guilty to a charge of assault with a deadly weapon. She will also be facing charges of vandalizing property and fleeing the scene of property damage. The woman was released on $1,250 bail and has been ordered to stay away from the victim.
Tech Support Pits From: Almira Re: Further into the dark Dear Webby I need to take pictures of graduates from a course that I teach. The last ones were a disaster. The flash does not light up the second and third row, and without a flash, the overhead lights are too dim and make the faces look haggard. I remember you occasionally making strong statements against the use of flash, but I forgot what alternatives you recommended. Can you please tell me again? Thanks Almira Dear Almira Go to Home Depot or a similar construction supplier, and get yourself one or two 500 W or 1000 W Quartz work lights. They are in rectangular cast aluminum fixtures just like yard and security lights, but have a much brighter lamp in it, and a safety grill in front of the glass. You can get them with a big alligator clamp to clip them onto a stepladder, or with a bright yellow tripod. Most photographers take that tripod out into the back alley and use a can of black barbecue paint to give it an expensive and professional look. However, that is a stupid idea. It just causes people to trip over the tripod legs. There is a good reason why it is bright yellow. Position the light a bit to the side of your spot and closer to the group or podium. Put your camera on a tripod and make sure that the light is just barely outside your cone of view. The older the crowd, the lower down the light should be. A knee high spotlight hides more wrinkles than a pound of make-up spackled on, but make sure the light is a bit to the side and not straight in front of your camera. Set the camera for 1/30 second or if it is an automatic, use the symbol of a person with a star above the head. To take the picture, hold up a manual flash with your left hand and set it off. Click the camera a second later, when they just start to relax, but before they let their chests fall back down into their drawers. It would be a good idea to take some test pictures beforehand. Absolutely REFUSE to take pictures if tehre is a white background. Pictures will turn out crappy with the faces all looking haggard. Background should be as black as possible. Also tell the people to NOT wear white. Cameras tend to average brightness, and white dresses cause dark and haggard faces in group pictures. Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A flight attendant was on the red-eye to Manila when a water leak developed in the galley, which eventually soaked the carpet throughout the cabin of the 747. A very sleepy passenger who had become aware of the dampness asked the attendant, "Has it been raining?" Keeping a straight face, the attendant replied, "Yes, but we put the top up." With a sigh of relief, the passenger went back to sleep.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I had given our daughter, who was 15 at the time, a drivers manual. On the way to town one day, I was coaching her as I drove. I told her to be studying her book so as to be ready when it came time to get her driver's permit. "Oh, she said, "I already know everything in the book." "You do?" I returned. "Yep," she said, very smugly. I thought, "OK, I'll give her a hard one." So I asked her, "How many feet does it take to stop the car if you are driving 60 miles an hour and have to slam on the brakes real hard?" "One," she replied. "What?" I asked. "One?!" She repeated her answer and then because of the confused look on my face, she added, "One, Mom. You always told me never to use my left foot on the brakes, only use my right one." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Air Out the House With summer here, open up windows when you use caustic cleaners. Opening up various windows and doors will help air circulate throughout the house and help freshen everything. An even better approach is to avoid these type of fumes by using cleaners like baking soda and vinegar. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Bizarre inventions in history that our ancestors had to use.
___________________________________________________ The whole neighborhood shook from the explosion. As store owners ran outside to see what happened, they spotted the pharmacist staggering out of his smoldering building. His white uniform was scorched black. He walked up to a woman standing nearby and said, "Lady! Would you please ask your doctor to write that prescription again. And this time, PRINT IT!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
The judge read the charges, then asked, "Are you the defendant in this case?" "No sir, your honor, sir," replied Jethro. "I got me a lawyer to do the defendin'. I'm the one who done it." ____________________________________________________

Today, August 4 in
1735 Freedom of the press was established with an acquittal
of John Peter Zenger. The writer of the New York Weekly
Journal had been charged with seditious libel by the royal
governor of New York. The jury said that "the truth is not
libelous." 

1753 George Washington became a Master Mason. 

1790 The Revenue Cutter Service was formed. This U.S. naval
task force was the beginning of the U.S. Coast Guard. 

1914 Britain declared war on Germany. 

1922 The death of Alexander Graham Bell, two days earlier,
was recognized by AT&T and the Bell Systems by shutting
down all of its switchboards and switching stations. The
shutdown affected 13 million phones. 

1944 Nazi police raided a house in Amsterdam and arrested
eight people. Anne Frank, a teenager at the time, was one
of the people arrested. Her diary would be published after
her death. 

1954 The uranium rush began in Saskatchewan, Canada. 

1956 William Herz became the first person to race a
motorcycle over 200 miles per hour. He was clocked at 210
mph. 

1957 Florence Chadwick set a world record by swimming the
English Channel in 6 hours and 7 minutes. 

1957 Juan Fangio won his final auto race and captured the
world auto driving championship. It was his fifth
consecutive year to win. 

1958 The first potato flake plant was completed in Grand
Forks, ND. 

1958 Billboard Magazine introduced its "Hot 100" chart,
which was part popularity and a barometer of the movement
of potential hits. The first number one song was Ricky
Nelson's "Poor Little Fool." 

1972 Arthur Bremer was found guilty of shooting George
Wallace, the governor of Alabama. Bremer was sentenced to
63 years in prison. 

1984 Upper Volta, an African republic, changed its name to
Burkina Faso. 

1987 The Fairness Doctrine was rescinded by the Federal
Communications Commission. The doctrine had required that
radio and TV stations present controversial issues in a
balanced fashion. 

1990 The European Community imposed an embargo on oil from
Iraq and Kuwait. This was done to protest the Iraqi
invasion of the oil-rich Kuwait. 

1991 The Oceanos, a Greek luxury liner, sank off of South
Africa's southeast coast. All of the 402 passengers and 179
crewmembers survived. 

1994 Yugoslavia withdrew its support for Bosnian Serbs. The
border between Yugoslavia and Serb-held Bosnia was sealed. 

1997 Teamsters began a 15-day strike against UPS (United
Parcel Service). The strikers eventually won an increase in
full-time positions and defeated a proposed reorganization
of the company's pension plan. 

2007 NASA's Phoenix spacecraft was launched on a space
exploration mission of Mars. The Phoenix lander descended
on Mars on May 25, 2008. 

2009 North Korean leader Kim Jong-il pardoned two American
journalists, who had been arrested and imprisoned for
illegal entry earlier in the year.
2018  smiled.


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Making pictures larger 




Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, August 3
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Thank you Allene!

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Pennsylvania babysitters accused of forcing 
kids to lay on nails, drink their own urine
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, August 3 in
1914 Germany declared war on France. The next day 
World War I began when Britain declared war on Germany. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
All that is human must retrograde if it does not advance. --- Edward Gibbon (1737 - 1794) A man can stand anything except a succession of ordinary days. --- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832) "I can't do it" never yet accomplished anything; "I will try" has performed wonders. --- George P. Burnham "I will do it", gets the job done. --- DearWebby ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, the creator of the world-famous detective, Sherlock Holmes, was not above telling tales about himself in which he was the laughing-stock. In one situation, he was waiting at a taxi stand outside the railway station in Paris. When a taxi pulled up, he placed his suitcase in the car and took a seat next to it. "Where can I take you, Mr. Doyle?'' asked the taxi driver. Doyle was flabbergasted. He asked the driver whether he knew him by sight. "No, sir, I have never seen you before." The puzzled Doyle asked him how he knew he was Conan Doyle. The driver said, "This morning's paper had a story about you being on vacation in Marseilles. This is the taxi stand where people who return from Marseilles always come. Your skin color tells me you have been on vacation. The ink spot on your right index finger suggests to me that you're a writer. Your clothing is very English, and not French. And so, I deduced that you are Sir Arthur Conan Doyle." Doyle remarked, "This is truly amazing. You are a real life counterpart to my fictional creation, Sherlock Holmes." "There is one other thing that gave you away," the driver said, after pocketing his tip. "What is that?" questioned Doyle. The driver said, "Your name is on the front of your suitcase." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ The Bridge Of Immortals… Huangshan China _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A couple was taking a stroll through a park, when they came upon a wishing well. The woman leaned over, made a wish and threw a quarter down the well. Her husband decided that he also wanted to make a wish. Unfortunately, he leaned over too far and fell down the well. The woman stood there in shock for a moment and said, "Wow! It really works!" ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Shyann Hills Jayako Frye Towanda, Pennsylvania Pennsylvania babysitters accused of forcing kids to lay on nails, drink their own urine A Pennsylvania couple was arrested on child abuse charges for allegedly torturing two kids in their care for nearly a week. State police said Shyann Hills and Jayako Frye were watching a 7-year-old and a 9-year-old for six days. In that time, troopers said the couple tied the kids up, and they wouldn’t let the children eat, sleep, or even use the bathroom. Troopers took Hills and Frye into custody from their trailer on Crimson Maple Drive in Rome. They face a slew of charges, including aggravated assault. The two children needed to be hospitalized after the abuse they endured. Neighbors were shocked to hear the news. “It’s hard to believe, actually. I’ve seen them, and I can’t believe it happened, actually,” Tammy Vanderpol told WNEP. State police said the couple forced the young kids to lie down in a planking position with sharp nails underneath them, so if the kids went down, they would fall onto the nails. Troopers said Hills and Frye also tied the kids to a dog cage and a cabinet. The couple also forced other children to hit the victims while they were restrained. “They should get the same treatment if not worse. That’s just nasty,” Vanderpol said. Hills and Frye are both locked up in the Bradford County jail, Hills on a $500,000 bail and Frye on $750,000.
Tech Support Pits From: Fred Re: Making a picture larger Dear Webby, I have a digital picture that measures 548 x411 pixels but the company requires a minimum of 700 x 500. Would you please advise me how to increase the pixel size. Thank you, Fred Dear Fred Any graphics program will do that, even Windows Paint, though that is really scraping the bottom of the barrel. First increase the color depth to 16 Million. Then soften the contrast just slightly, about 2 - 3 %. Next, increase the picture size to what you need. And finally, sharpen the contrast 6 - 10%. If picture quality is not that important, you can skip the softening and sharpening. Have FUN DearWebby

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Thanks to Kati for bringing back this classic: He had a kitten that climbed up a tree in his backyard and then was afraid to come down. The Pastor coaxed, offered warm milk, etc. The kitty would not come down. The tree was not sturdy enough to climb, so the Pastor decided that if he tied a rope to his car and pulled it until the tree bent down, he could then reach up and get the kitten. That's what he did, all the while checking his progress in the car. He then figured if he went just a little bit further, the tree would be bent sufficiently for him to reach the kitten. But as he moved the car a little further forward, the rope broke. The tree went "boing!" and the kitten instantly sailed through the air - out of sight. The Pastor felt terrible. He walked all over the neighborhood asking people if they'd seen a little kitten. No. Nobody had seen a stray kitten So he prayed, "Lord, I just commit this kitten to your keeping," and went on about his business. A few days later he was at the grocery store, and met one of his church members. He happened to look into her s hopping cart and was amazed to see cat food. This woman was a cat hater and everyone knew it, so he asked her, "Why are you buying cat food when you hate cats so much?" She replied, "You won't believe this," and then told him how her little girl had been begging her for a cat, but she kept refusing. Then a few days before, the child had begged again, so the Mom finally told her little girl, "Well, if God gives you a cat, I'll let you keep it." She told the Pastor, "I watched my child go out in the yard, get on her knees, and ask God for a cat. And really, Pastor, you won't believe this, but I saw it with my own eyes. A kitten suddenly came flying out of the blue sky, with its paws outspread, and landed right in her lap. She has not let off holding and petting and smooching the kitten."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Two elderly ladies met at the launderette after not seeing one another for some time. After inquiring about each other's health, one asked how the other's husband was doing. "Oh! Ted died last week. He went out to the garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped down dead right there in the middle of the vegetable patch!" "Oh dear! I'm very sorry." replied her friend "What did you do?" "Opened a can of peas instead." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Shop Around For Checks Don't assume that your bank has the best price on checks. You can often find checks for as much as half the cost from other check suppliers. Just carefully check your bank numbers and personal information as you would with any box of checks. I use ASAP-Cheques.com They are not only much faster than the bank, but cost only about a quarter of what the bank charges. I also get the deposit books from them. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
31 unusual places in North America people can actually visit.
___________________________________________________ "Now this is the verbal part of your employment test," said the interviewer. "Can you tell me what gross aggrandized annuity means?" "Certainly," replied the applicant. "It means I didn't pad my bra enough to get the job." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Mr. Doggins was having trouble getting his neighbor to keep his chickens fenced in. The birds were ruining his prize winning flower beds. The neighbor told Doggins that the chickens had the right to go where they wanted. Two weeks later, a friend visited Doggins and noticed his flower beds were doing great. The flowers were even beginning to bloom! The friend asked, "How did you get your neighbor to keep his hens in his own yard?" Doggins said, "Easy! One night I hid a dozen eggs under a bush by my flower bed. The next day I let my neighbor see me gather them. I haven't been bothered by his stupid chickens since." ____________________________________________________

Today, August 3 in
1492 Christopher Columbus left Palos, Spain with three
ships. The voyage led him to what is now known as the
Americas. He reached the Bahamas on October 12. 

1750 Christopher Dock completed the first book of teaching
methods. It was titled "A Simple and Thoroughly Prepared
School Management." 

1777 During the Siege of Fort Stanwix the first U.S. flag
was officially flown during battle. 

1880 The American Canoe Association was formed at Lake
George, NY. 

1900 Firestone Tire & Rubber Co. was founded. 

1914 Germany declared war on France. The next day World War
I began when Britain declared war on Germany. 

1933 The Mickey Mouse Watch was introduced for the price of
$2.75. 

1936 The U.S. State Department advised Americans to leave
Spain due to the Spanish Civil War. 

1936 Jesse Owens won the first of his four Olympic gold
medals. 

1943 Gen. George S. Patton verbally abused and slapped a
private. Later, Gen. Dwight D. Eisenhower ordered him to
apologize for the incident. 

1956 Bedloe's Island had its name changed to Liberty
Island. 

1981 U.S. traffic controllers with PATCO, the Professional
Air Traffic Controllers Organization, went on strike. They
were fired just as U.S. President Reagan had warned. 

1985 Mail service returned to a nudist colony in Paradise
Lake, FL. Residents promised that they'd wear clothes or
stay out of sight when the mailperson came to deliver. 

1988 The Iran-Contra hearings ended. No ties were made
between U.S. President Reagan and the Nicaraguan Rebels. 

1988 The Soviet Union released Mathias Rust. He had been
taken into custody on May 28, 1987 for landing a plane in
Moscow's Red Square. 

1990 Thousands of Iraqi troops pushed within a few miles of
the border of Saudi Arabia. This heightened world concerns
that the invasion of Kuwait could spread. 

1992 The U.S. Senate voted to restrict and eventually end
the testing of nuclear weapons. 

1992 Russia and Ukraine agreed to put the Black Sea Fleet
under joint command. The agreement was to last for three
years. 

1995 Eyad Ismoil was flown from Jordan to the U.S. to face
charges that he had driven the van that blew up in New
York's World Trade Center. 

2004 In New York, the Statue of Liberty re-opened to the
public. The site had been closed since the terrorist
attacks on the U.S. on September 11, 2001. 

2004 NASA launched the spacecraft Messenger. The 6 1/2 year
journey was planned to arrive at the planet Mercury in
March 2011. On April 30, 2015, Messenger crashed into the
surface of Mercury after sending back more than 270,000
pictures. 

2009 Bolivia became the first South American country to
declare the right of indigenous people to govern
themselves. 

2018  smiled.


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When computers are too old to fix 




Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, August 2

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Jacksonville woman arrested 
for multiple armed robberies
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, August 2 in
1939 Albert Einstein signed a letter to President Roosevelt
urging the U.S. to have an atomic weapons research
program.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
If everything seems under control, you're not going fast enough --- Mario Andretti (1940 - ) How vain it is to sit down to write when you have not stood up to live. --- Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ One day, farmer Jones was in town picking up supplies for his farm. He stopped by the hardware store and picked up a bucket and an anvil, then stopped by the livestock dealer to buy a couple of chickens and a goose. Now he had a problem: how to carry all of his purchases home. The livestock dealer said, "Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?" "Hey, thanks!" the farmer said, and off he went. While walking he met a fair young lady. She told him she was lost, and asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1515 Mockingbird Lane?" The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, I'm going to visit my brother at 1616 Mockingbird Lane. Let's take a short cut and go down this alley. We'll save half the time to get there". The fair young lady said, "How do I know that when we get in to the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull down my skirt and ravish me?" The farmer said, "I am carrying a bucket, an anvil, 2 chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?" The young lady said, "Set the goose down, put the bucket over the goose, put the anvil on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens." "Sounds good!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ >From Eddie The company I work for offers tours through the historic district of Anapolis, MD, led by guides dressed in Colonial clothing. While leading a group, one of our guides, Dave, tripped and fell, breaking his wrist. He went to the hospital, and as he sat in the emergency room, a policeman walked by. Doing a double-take at Dave in his 18th century garb, he asked, "Just how long have you been waiting?" ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Monica Hutchinson, 38, Jacksonville, Florida Jacksonville woman arrested for multiple armed robberies Monica Hutchinson, 38, of Jacksonville, was arrested Friday as a suspect in an armed gas station robbery, according to the Jacksonville Sheriff's Office. On July 22, police responded to a Circle K on Normandy Blvd. in reference to an armed robbery. Related Headlines Cases of hand, foot, and mouth disease on the rise, local doctor says Ex-husband of murder suspect knew she was using alias New law forces some Florida gun owners to surrender weapons According to a police report released by JSO, Hutchinson walked into the gas station and pointed a gun at the cashier, waving it around several times. The report says the cashier gave Hutchinson about $50 to $70 cash and that she set the gun on the counter when receiving the money. The manager of the business gave police surveillance video showing Hutchinson getting out of the passenger side of a gray Kia and later getting back into the vehicle. Witnesses described the robber as a white female, about 5 feet 6 inches tall, 110 pounds, with dark brown hair, wearing a hat and sunglasses, appearing to be in her mid- 40's and wearing a blue jacket and black legging pants with holes in them. The man stated it looked like she "previously had acne on her face and was a drug addict." The report says the vehicle appeared to have damage on the front of the hood and right fender. On Sunday, July 27, an officer patrolling the area of Cahoon Rd. and W Ramona Blvd. saw a vehicle matching that description, the report says. The officer said the damage to the hood and right fender was very distinguishable, and recognized the vehicle from the multiple robberies. The officer notified other units and conducted a traffic stop. According to the report, all occupants were detained. The report says it should be noted that Hutchinson was detained wearing the same black leggings worn in the Circle K robbery, as seen on surveillance, and that they had a very distinctive design. Hutchinson was arrested and charged for the armed robbery at the Circle K, and the other two people from the vehicle were arrested on local charges, the report says.
Tech Support Pits From: Scott Re: Too Old Computers Dear Webby Our club gets, among other things, old computers donated to us, so that we can try to convert them into cash for charitable purposes. However, quite a few are so old, that we can't do anything with them and just wind up paying disposal fees. Do you have any ideas? Thanks Scott Dear Scott Hold a Computer Smashathon. Provide safety goggles and a sledge hammer and charge a dollar per hit. You'll be surprised how much money you will raise! When they are all smashed to bits, glue them together into a big abstract sculpture, take good pictures of it and sell it on eBay. Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
>From Stormy Take the batteries out of that blasted smoke alarm," Ethel snapped at her husband. "It bleeps no matter what I'm cooking." Her husband argued, "I don't think that's a good idea." One look at his cranky wife however, and he dismantled it. She grumbled, I wish you could dismantle the blasted parrot." The parrot that had a huge repertoire of sounds. He drove Ethel to distraction daily, imitating sounds like the phone ringing, barking dogs, crying kids, doors slamming. It sang TV commercials, almost any sound, if the bird heard it enough, it would imitate. He loved to say, "Ethel" over and over. Ethel slid the turkey into the oven. She was in a hurry, had more shopping to do as company was coming. As she went out the door, the bird called, "Goodbye Ethel." She yelled back, "Just shut up." The parrot sang over and over, "Shut up, Shut up, Shut up," until he tired. Dealing with a bad mood, had made Ethel careless. She had turned the oven temperature too high. It wasn't long before smoke curled around the stove. Neighbours heard the smoke detector. Knowing no one was home, they dialled 911.The fire dept. arrived, turned off the oven, then tossed the blackened turkey out the door. They looked for a smoke alarm, but it wasn't there. The parrot was sitting on the table watching. Everyone jumped when he lit into an ear piercing siren of a smoke alarm. Ethel was visibly shaken finding the firefighters in her home. Her parrot was preening from all the attention he was getting. She turned white when the neighbours told her what had happened. She held the parrot, "I guess you better stay after all." The bird responded, "Shut up Ethel, Just, Shut up!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Bob and his three golf buddies were out playing and were just starting on the back nine when Bob paused, looked down the fairway, and began to sob uncontrollably. The other three gathered around him and asked, "What's wrong?" Bob looked down at his feet, sniffed, and dried his eyes some, then apologized for his emotional outburst. "I'm sorry, I always get emotional at this hole -- it holds very difficult memories for me." One of his buddies asked, "What happened? What could have gotten you so upset?" Bob stared silently off in the distance, then said in a low voice, "This is where my wife and I were playing 12 years ago when she suddenly died of a heart attack -- right at this very hole!" "Oh no!" the other golfers said. "That must have been horrible!" "Horrible? You think it's horrible! ?" Bob cried in disbelief. "It was worse than that! Every ho le for the rest of the day, all the way back to the clubhouse it was... hit the ball, drag Alice, hit the ball, drag Alice..." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Baby Food Jars For Small Items Baby food jars are great for storing small nails, screws and other items so that they are easy to see. You can attach the metal lids to the underside of a shelf, the jars can then hang from the shelf and be seen easily. When I was living in a hastily built cabin in the Yukon while building a new house, after the other one had burned down, I used a similar system. I trimmed a small log to took like a 6-sided banister post, and suspended it between two "L" brackets with a big screw in each end. Each of the six sides held a different group of items, and I could just turn it to whichever side I needed. It was like a horizontal "Lazy Susan". Have FUN! DearWebby Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
31 unusual places in North America people can actually visit.
___________________________________________________ >From Ginny My boss is without peer when it comes to the rules and regulations that customs officials must follow. But when it comes to the law, well, that's a different story. We were attending a court case in which we were prosecuting a smuggler. The judge asked the court, "Who is making these allegations?" My boss stood up and proclaimed, "I am the alligator, your honor." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Mrs. Jones was reading a letter at breakfast. Suddenly she looked up suspiciously at her husband. "Henry," she said, "I've just received a letter from mother saying she isn't accepting our invitation to come and stay, as we do not appear to want her. What does she mean by that? I told you to write and say that she was to come at her own convenience. You did write, didn't you?" "Er, yes, I did," said the husband. "But I couldn't spell convenience, so I made it risk." ____________________________________________________

Today, August 2 in
1776 Members of the Continental Congress began adding their
signatures to the Declaration of Independence. 

1791 Samuel Briggs and his son Samuel Briggs, Jr. received
a joint patent for their nail-making machine. They were the
first father-son pair to receive a patent. 

1858 In Boston and New York City the first mailboxes were
installed along streets. 

1887 Rowell Hodge patented barbed wire. 

1892 Charles A. Wheeler patented the first escalator. 

1926 John Barrymore and Mary Astor starred in the first
showing of the Vitaphone System. The system was the
combining of picture and sound for movies. 

1938 Bright yellow baseballs were used in a major league
baseball game between the Brooklyn Dodgers and the St.
Louis Cardinals. It was hoped that the balls would be
easier to see. 

1939 Albert Einstein signed a letter to President Roosevelt
urging the U.S. to have an atomic weapons research program.

1939 U.S. President Roosevelt signed the Hatch Act. The act
prohibited civil service employees from taking an active
part in political campaigns. 

1945 The Allied conference at Potsdam was concluded. 

1964 The Pentagon reported the first of two North
Vietnamese attacks on U.S. destroyers in the Gulf of
Tonkin. 

1983 U.S. House of Representatives approved a law that
designated the third Monday of January would be a federal
holiday in honor of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. The law was
signed by President Reagen on November 2. 

1987 "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" was re-released. The
film was 50 years old at the time of its re-release. 

1990 Iraq invaded the oil-rich country of Kuwait. Iraq
claimed that Kuwait had driven down oil prices by exceeding
production quotas set by OPEC. 

1995 China ordered the expulsion of two U.S. Air Force
officers. The two were said to have been caught spying on
military sites. 

2018  smiled.


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Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, August 1
Thank you Don!
Thank you James!!

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Unlicensed Florida teen leads police 
on chase, crashes after hitting a pothole
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, August 1 in
1774 Oxygen was isolated from air successfully by 
chemist Carl Wilhelm and scientist Joseph Priestly. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The dead might as well try to speak to the living as the old to the young. --- Willa Cather (1873 - 1947) The only way to make a man trustworthy is to trust him. --- Henry Stimson (1867 - 1950) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me." "Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just a lazy old fart." "Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Lighthouse is safe _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Several women, each trying to one-up the other, appeared in court, each accusing the others of causing the trouble they were having in the apartment building where they lived. The judge, with Solomon-like wisdom decreed, "Okay, I'm ready to hear the evidence...I'll hear the oldest first." The case was dismissed for lack of testimony. ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Timothy Magruder, 18, Jacksonville, Florida Unlicensed Florida teen leads police on chase, crashes after hitting a pothole An 18-year-old man led the Jacksonville Sheriff's Office on a chase that ended when he fled and hid on top of a metal shed, police said in a report. Timothy Magruder, 18, is facing multiple charges after the July 17 incident. JSO said Magruder was spotted driving at a high rate of speed in a 1995 Lincoln Town Car on Rayford Street. Magruder nearly crashed the big sedan while trying to turn onto Day Ave., JSO said. During a police chase, Magruder kept driving faster, JSO said, until he finally hit a pothole and crashed into a tree. Magruder ran, JSO said, and briefly got away by hiding on top of a metal shed. With the aid of a police K-9, Magruder was quickly located and arrested. The suspect told JSO that he believed he broke his leg when he crashed the car. He also had cuts on his hands from the metal shed and was noticeably bleeding, the report said. Magruder had crack cocaine on him, the report said. He was charged with drug possession, reckless driving and resisting arrest. Magruder, who had two other teenagers with him in the car that crashed, has never been issued a valid Florida driver's license, the report said. The report did not specify where the car had been stolen.
Tech Support Pits From: Jack Re: REMOVE!!! Take me off your mail list!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If I get one more email from you I WILL turn you in to the FCC. Jack Quirk jack@kjprod.......... Hi Jack Go right ahead and make the FCC laugh about you. You can also try the FTC, and for good measure FTD. You don't have an account with us, so I can't remove you from anything. However, I would recommend that you get somebody to 'splain to you what a spoof is, and how to recognize a spoof. Then you can stop barking at the wrong tree, just to amuse me. Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Patient: Doctor, I have a problem. I feel unhealthy and depressed. Doctor: You should cut down on drinks. Patient: I don't touch a drop. Doctor: You should cut down on smoking. Patient: I don't smoke. Doctor: You should stop taking drugs. Patient: I don't do drugs. Doctor: You should cut down on womanizing. Patient: Haven't touched a woman in my life. Doctor: In that case, get yourself a drink, learn to smoke, and find a couple of girlfriends.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
At a dinner party, the speaker who was the guest of honor, was about to deliver his speech when his wife sitting at the other end of the table, sent him a piece of paper with the word "KISS" scribbled on it. A guest seated next to the speaker said, "Your wife has sent you a KISS before you begin your speech. She must love you very much." The speaker replied, "You don't know my wife. The letters stand for "Keep it short, Stupid." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Remove Hard Water Deposits From Faucets Cleaning a Toaster First unplug the toaster. Open the crumb catch tray, making sure you open it over a garbage can or outside to avoid getting crumbs everywhere. To get it super clean, you can use some compressed air like you use for cleaning inside of electronic device. Never clean the inside with water. Do NOT use canned compressed air! Don't even allow it anywhere near your home! Kids inhale it to get stoned, and hundreds a year die from that. If you think you need to shoot petrified bread crumbs into your eyes and down your cleavage, use a tire pump or electric air compressor. However, unless you have weird fetishes like putting runny jam onto your toast before putting it into the toaster, it's enough to turn it upside down over your bird feeder or sidewalk, and slapping it a few times. If the neighbors are watching, tell them that your toaster is haunted and has been misbehaving. Have FUN! DearWebby Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
The oldest Native American to have ever lived.
___________________________________________________ A father, who worked away from home all week, always made a special effort with his family at the weekends. Every Sunday morning he would take his 7 year old daughter out for a drive in the car. One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold that he really didn't feel like driving at all. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and decided that for this Sunday she would take their daughter out. They returned just before lunch and the little girl ran upstairs to see her father. "Well" the father asked, "did you enjoy your ride with mommy?" "Oh yes Daddy" the girl replied, "and do you know what... ....we didn't see a single bastard or moron!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
"My ancestry goes all the way back to Alexander the Great," said one lady. She then turned to a second woman and asked, "How far does your family go back?" "I don't know," was the reply. "All of our records were lost in The Flood." ____________________________________________________

Today, August 1 in

1498 Christopher Columbus landed on "Isla Santa"
(Venezuela). 

1774 Oxygen was isolated from air successfully by chemist
Carl Wilhelm and scientist Joseph Priestly. 

1790 The first U.S. census was completed with a total
population of 3,929,214 recorded.

1834 Slavery was outlawed in the British empire with an
emancipation bill. 

1873 Andrew S. Hallidie successfully tested a cable car.
The design was done for San Francisco, CA. 

1893 Shredded wheat was patented by Henry Perky and William
Ford. 

1894 The first Sino-Japanese War erupted. The dispute was
over control of Korea. 

1907 The U.S. Army established an aeronautical division
that later became the U.S. Air Force. 

1914 Germany declared war on Russia at the beginning of
World War I. 

1936 Adolf Hitler presided over the Olympic games as they
opened in Berlin. 

1943 In the Solomon Islands, the U.S. Navy patrol torpedo
boat PT-109 sank after being hit by the Japanese destroyer
Amagiri. The boat was under the command of Lt. John F.
Kennedy. Eleven of the thirteen crew survived. 

1944 In Warsaw, Poland, an uprising against Nazi occupation
began. The revolt continued until October 2 when Polish
forces surrendered. 

1946 In the U.S., the Atomic Energy Commission was
established. 

1953 The first aluminum-faced building was completed. It
was the first of this type in America. 

1956 The Social Security Act was amended to provide
benefits to disabled workers aged 50-64 and disabled adult
children. 

1957 The North American Air Defense Command (NORAD) was
created by the United States and Canada. 

1995 Westinghouse Electric Corporation announced a deal to
buy CBS for $5.4 billion. 

1998 The U.S. books and music chain Borders opens its first
European outlet with a 40,000-square-foot store on London's
Oxford Street. 

2006 Cuban leader Fidel Castro turned over absolute power
when he gave his brother Raul authority while he underwent
an intestinal surgery.

2018  smiled.


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Finddirections.co 




Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday,  July 31

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Ex-superintendent proven to have repeatedly shit on HS
track plans to sue cops over mug shot
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, July 31 in
1980 China's population reached 1 billion. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Television – a medium. So called because it is neither rare nor well done. --- Ernie Kovacs The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it. --- Franklin P. Jones If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; But if you really make them think, they'll hate you. --- Don Marquis ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The month of July this year will have 5 Sundays, 5 Mondays and 5 Tuesdays. Check your calendar. This happens once every 823 years. The Chinese call it "pocket full of money"ť and suggest you send this message to all your friends and within 4 days, the money will surprise you. Based in Feng Shui, those who do not forward this message can lose a great opportunity. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ This minister just had all of his remaining teeth pulled and new dentures were being made. The first Sunday, he only preached 10 minutes. The second Sunday, he preached only 20 minutes. But, on the third Sunday, he preached 1 hour 25 minutes. When asked about this by some of the congregation, he responded this way..... The first Sunday, my gums were so sore it hurt to talk. The second Sunday, my dentures were hurting a lot. The third Sunday, I accidentally grabbed my wife's dentures... AND I COULDN'T STOP TALKING! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Thomas Tramaglini, 42, Holmdel, New Jersey Ex-superintendent proven to have repeatedly crapped on HS track plans to sue cops over mug shot. The now former Kenilworth schools superintendent accused of repeatedly pooping at a high school track near his home has notified Holmdel police he plans to file a lawsuit over the mug shot taken after his arrest, according legal documents filed by his attorney. Thomas Tramaglini claims Holmdel police should not have photographed him at police headquarters because the public defecation, lewdness and litter charges, which remain pending, were low-level municipal offenses. "It’s like getting photographed and fingerprinted for a speeding ticket," his attorney Matthew Adams said in an email to NJ Advance Media. "On May 1, 2018, officers or agents of the Holmdel Police Department unlawfully took Dr. Tramaglini's photograph and distributed and disseminated the 'mug shot' to third parties, including the media with the intent to harm Dr. Tramaglini," according the court filing. The filing, known as a tort claim notice, by Tramgalini is a required legal step in advance of a full lawsuit. It lists potential damages of more than $1 million due to loss of income, harm to his reputation, emotional distress and invasion of privacy. “It is our position that the photograph that has been widely disseminated was unlawfully taken and maliciously distributed,” Adams said in a phone interview Friday. The Kenilworth board of education announced Thursday that it had accepted Tramaglini's resignation from his superintendent job, which paid $147,500 annually plus a potential bonus. He also made $5,700 per semester as a part-time lecturer at Rutgers University, according to his legal filing. Tramaglini, 42, of Aberdeen, was arrested at 5:50 a.m. on May 1 at the Holmdel High School track. The Kenilworth board of education announced Thursday that it had accepted Tramaglini's resignation from his superintendent job, which paid $147,500 annually plus a potential bonus. He also made $5,700 per semester as a part-time lecturer at Rutgers University, according to his legal filing. Tramaglini, 42, of Aberdeen, was arrested at 5:50 a.m. on May 1 at the Holmdel High School track. Police began monitoring the track, which is about three miles from Tramaglini's townhouse, after receiving reports of human feces being found daily, authorities said. Officials were soon able to identify Tramaglini as the person responsible for defecating on the track, according to Holmdel police. According to the arrest report, there are two DVDs with surveillance video footage. Tramaglini made a first appearance in court June 12 and has since pleaded not guilty. He is due back in Holmdel municipal court at 11 a.m. on Aug. 13. Tramaglini had been on paid leave from his superintendent job since his arrest. The Kenilworth board of education accepted Tramaglini's resignation on Thursday. An email and voicemail sent by the board of education to staff that evening said his resignation is effective Sept. 30. He was hired in February 2016.
Tech Support Pits From: Jim Re: Finddirections.co Dear Webby A good morning to you. Another question. When I open my Firefox, I get this popup. Is this something to be concerned with? Should I do anything to "fix" it or just ignore it as I have done for a few days. Many thanks for your reply and many thanks for your great newsletters. Jim Dear Jim finddirections.co is phony. FRAUD! It is a domain, that is apparently taken over by scammers. That is quite common with domains, that are no longer in use. Not surprising that Malwarebytes blocks it. Check the extensions or whatever they are called in FireFox, and see if you still have an extension calling for that domain. It USED to be a map and direction finding program, that is no longer in use. There has been a big shake-up with those programs, and most of them I don't trust. Usually I use Google Earth, straight from Google Earth, without allowing any parasites, that try to sneak in, or mapquest. Those two are still good. The pictures of the day for the last two days were from Google Earth. By the way, ONE lady wrote that she spotted the woman in the badlands first, before the guy. Congratulations, Barbara! Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
One of the airlines recently introduced a special half-fare rate for business women to take their hubands along on business trips. Anticipating some valuable testimonials, the publicity department of the airline sent out letters to all the husbands of business women who used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip. Responses are still pouring in asking, "What trip???"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Greg and Ron were in a lodge, making small talk. Greg asked Ron, "So, what do you hunt?" Ron answered, "I hunt unicorns." Greg was startled, but said, "Really? How do you do that?" Ron answered "I find a virgin and hire her to help me. The virgin sits around in the woods until a unicorn comes to her. When it does, it sets off a snare." Greg said "Boy, they must be hard to find. I've heard of them, but I've never seen one." Ron replied "Yeah, and there aren't many unicorns around, either!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Remove Hard Water Deposits From Faucets To remove vinegar deposits that accumulate on faucets from hard water, fill a bag with vinegar and tie the bag to the faucet. Allow the faucet to soak in the vinegar for a couple of hours. When you remove the bag, the deposits should be gone. Repeat if necessary. The ends of cucumbers work quite well too. I have afaucet that leaks a tiny bit where it swivels, and produces a white calcium stain from our very hard water. Putting an end of a cucumber on that stain makes it disappear overneight. For tap stems and fixtures you can rip an old t-shirt into strips and wrap them tightly around the fixtures, then soak them with vinegar. After an hour you can undo the strips and use them to polish off what mineralization remains. Plain white vinegar works just fine. Have FUN! DearWebby Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
The most amazing archival treasures digitized in 2017
___________________________________________________ A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter." Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown." The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?" She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the boys?" Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough." The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?" ____________________________________________________

Today, July 31 in
1498 Christopher Columbus, on his third voyage to the
Western Hemisphere, arrived at the island of Trinidad. 

1790 The first U.S. patent was issued to Samuel Hopkins for
his process for making potash and pearl ashes. The
substance was used in fertilizer. 

1792 The cornerstone of the U.S. Mint in Philadelphia, PA,
was laid. It was the first building to be used only as a
U.S. government building. 

1919 Germany's Weimar Constitution was adopted. 

1928 MGM’s Leo the lion roared for the first time. He
introduced MGM’s first talking picture, "White Shadows on
the South Seas." 

1932 Enzo Ferrari retired from racing. In 1950 he launched
a series of cars under his name. 

1945 Pierre Laval of France surrendered to Americans in
Austria. 

1955 Marilyn Bell of Toronto, Canada, at age 17, became the
youngest person to swim the English Channel. 

1959 The Euskadi Ta Askatasuna (ETA) was founded. The group
is known for being an armed Basque nationalist and
separatist organization. 

1964 The American space probe Ranger 7 transmitted pictures
of the moon's surface. 

1971 Men rode in a vehicle on the moon for the first time
in a lunar rover vehicle (LRV). 

1980 China's population reached 1 billion. 

1982 Yugoslavia imposed a six-month freeze on prices. 

1989 A pro-Iranian group in Lebanon released a videotape
reportedly showing the hanged body of American hostage
William R. Higgins. 

1989 The Game Boy handheld video game device was released
in the U.S. 

1991 U.S. President George H.W. Bush and Soviet President
Mikhail Gorbachev signed the Strategic Arms Reduction
Treaty. 

1995 The Walt Disney Company agreed to acquire Capital
Cities/ABC in a $19 billion deal. 

1999 The spacecraft Lunar Prospect crashed into the moon.
It was a mission to detect frozen water on the moon's
surface. The craft had been launched on January 6, 1998. 

2007 The iTunes Music Store reached 2 million feature
length films sold. 

2018  smiled.


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Good Morning, !
Today is Monday,  July 30

Did ANYBODY find the big guy and his wife in yesterday's picture?



Fire fighters curled up on the ground in the back yard of
the house they just saved the night before, resting up for
the next shift in their battle with the  #CarrFire.

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Naked guy nabbed for exercises 
in Mcdonald's women's bathroom 
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, July 30 in
1945 The USS Indianapolis was torpedoed by a Japanese
submarine. The ship had just delivered key components of
the Hiroshima atomic bomb to the Pacific island of Tinian.
Only 316 out of 1,196 men aboard survived the attack. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment. --- Robert Benchley (1889 - 1945) If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; But if you really make them think, they'll hate you. --- Don Marquis ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A magazine reporter is traveling through a rainforest in search of a fabled cannibalistic tribe. He wanders through the thick jungle for days upon days, and it seems like his journey's going to amount to nothing. As he ventures deeper into it, his attention is drawn to something hanging overhead in the canopy and decides to take a closer look. Suddenly, he falls into a trap, is knocked unconscious and wakes up tied to a stake with a fire burning slowly underneath him. He cries out for help, and is answered by what is obviously one of the tribesmen, who informs him that he is going to be served as dinner to the leader of the tribe. "But you don't understand!" he cries, "You can't do this to me! I'm an editor for the New Yorker magazine!" "Ah," replies the tribesman, "Well soon you will be editor- in-chief!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Grand Prismatic Spring 44.525049, -110.83819 Yellowstone National Park, Wyoming, USA _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Brody Young, 25, Nashville, Tennessee Naked guy nabbed for exercises in Mcdonald's women's bathroom A naked man who police found doing jumping jacks in the women’s bathroom of a McDonald’s in Tennessee was arrested Monday on public indecency, trespass, and public intoxication charges. Police were summoned to a McDonald’s in Nashville due to a “male subject who was locked in the womens restroom naked,” according to a court affidavit. Restaurant management reported that the man had “been there all day.” A patrolman reported encountering Brody Young, 25, in the bathroom. Young, the cop added, “was indeed naked.” Young, seen at right, was “erratic and doing jumping jacks and hitting the wall,” reported the cop, who noted a strong chemical odor in the bathroom, evidence that the intoxicated Young had likely been huffing. Deemed a “danger to himself and others,” Young was taken into custody and charged with several misdemeanors. “Mr. Young has priors for huffing,” the affidavit states. During a court appearance this morning, Young pleaded guilty to criminal trespass and was fined $329. Prosecutors dropped indecency and public intoxication counts. Young, who is barred from entering the McDonald’s (seen below), remains locked up in the county jail due to an outstanding warrant.
Tech Support Pits From: Jai Re: Icon text Boxes Dear Webby I just added a new desktop photo, and it looks awful with all those black boxes all over the screen. Blah! Alas, I am so bad, I cannot find it in Tweak IU. There is no setting there, I went thru every tiny part of it and could not find it. Would it be possible for you to give me more information as to "how to"? I sure would appreciate it. I really want the transparent backgrounds!!! Thanks my friend, Jai Dear Jai couldn't remember how to do it, so I looked it up. Seems I last wrote about it in May 2005: The icon text background transparency has absolutely nothing to do with system performance, but that's where the toggle for it is. 1. Open the Control Panel 2. Click System 3. Click the Advanced tab 4. Click Settings in the Performance section 5. Select Custom 6. Check the "Use drop shadows for icon labels on the desktop" checkbox 7. Click OK until you close the windows Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Bob moved into an apartment and went shopping for cleaning equipment. His cart was loaded with a broom, mop, dust-pan, sponges and a full array of cleaning products. At the last minute he topped off his cart with a lone food purchase -- a large bag of potato chips. Seeing the checkout clerk's quizzical look, he explained, "I'm a very messy eater."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Nine year old Little Johnny, was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday school. "Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission, to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then he used his walkie-talkie to radio headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge so that the cops could not follow them, and all the Israelites were saved." "Now, Johnny, is that really what your teacher taught you?" his mother asked, scornfully. "Well, no, Mom. But if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com No More Soggy Sandwiches Instead of making the sandwich before you leave, pack the sandwich ingredients separately. Put the bread, meat and cheese in one bag or container and the veggies in another. Use small reusable condiment containers to bring your favorite condiments. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
The great stone walls of Avila.
___________________________________________________ A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class: "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However," he continued, "there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative." A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah. Right." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
>From Lilly When my husband was a student at Tennessee Temple University, I often asked him to do errands after class, tying ribbons on his fingers to remind him. A good sport, he didn't protest, even though his classmates obviously noticed my little reminders. One day he had to have a mole removed from above his ear and emerged from the doctor's office with his head wrapped in a white bandage. When he walked into class, everyone just stared. Finally one student blurted out, "Whatever your wife wants you to remember today, it must be REALLY important." ____________________________________________________

Today, July 30 in
1502 Christopher Columbus landed at Guanaja in the Bay
Islands off the coast of Honduras during his fourth voyage.


1729 The city of Baltimore was founded in Maryland. 

1898 "Scientific America" carried the first magazine
automobile ad. The ad was for the Winton Motor Car Company
of Cleveland, OH. 

1942 The WAVES were created by legislation signed by U.S.
President Franklin D. Roosevelt. The members of the Women's
Accepted for Volunteer Emergency Service were a part of the
U.S. Navy. 

1945 The USS Indianapolis was torpedoed by a Japanese
submarine. The ship had just delivered key components of
the Hiroshima atomic bomb to the Pacific island of Tinian.
Only 316 out of 1,196 men aboard survived the attack. 

1956 The phrase "In God We Trust" was adopted as the U.S.
national motto. 

1965 U.S. President Johnson signed into law Social Security
Act that established Medicare and Medicaid. It went into
effect the following year. 

1987 Indian troops arrived in Jaffna, Sri Lanka, to disarm
the Tamil Tigers and enforce a peace pact. 

1990 In Spring Hill, TN, the first Saturn automobile rolled
off the assembly line. 

1991 In China, construction began on the Oriental Pearl
Radio & TV Tower. 

1998 A group of Ohio machine-shop workers (who call
themselves the Lucky 13) won the $295.7 million Powerball
jackpot. It was the largest-ever American lottery. 

2001 Lance Armstrong became the first American to win three
consecutive Tours de France. 

2003 In Mexico, the last 'old style' Volkswagen Beetle
rolled off an assembly line. 

2018  smiled.


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Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday,  July 29

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:

Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, July 29 in
1914 The first transcontinental telephone service was
inaugurated when two people held a conversation between New
York, NY and San Francisco, CA. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The most radical revolutionary will become a conservative the day after the revolution. --- Hannah Arendt (1906 - 1975) Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some hire public relations officers. --- Daniel J. Boorstin (1914 - ) Seeing ourselves as others see us would probably confirm our worst suspicions about them. --- Franklin P. Adams ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ When I lived in a dorm, one of the favorite intramural sports was water fights. Dousing and bombarding one another with water from squirt guns, glasses, balloons, even wastebaskets. Since each room had a sink, there was endless ammunition. The most frequent target was the Resident Assistant. Approaching his room one afternoon, he noticed his door was ajar. Looking up, he saw a pail of water balanced on the door's edge, ready to fall on him. As he took down the pail and emptied it into his sink, he exclaimed, " You crazy guys actually thought you could fool me with THAT old gag!" It was then he realized we had removed the drainpipe under the sink and turned the "U" trap to point at his crotch. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ The Badlands Guardian and his wife 50° 0’38.20?N 110° 6’48.32?W Walsh, Alberta, Canada Who do you see first? The guy or his wife? _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ >Thanks to Linda for this one: A social worker from a big city in Massawhosits recently transferred to the mountains of West Virginia and was on the first tour of her new territory when she came upon the tiniest cabin she had ever seen in her life. Intrigued, she went up and knocked on the door. "Anybody home?" she asked. "Yep," came a kid's voice through the door. "Is your father there?" asked the social worker. "Pa? Nope, he left afore Ma came in," said the kid. "Well, is your mother there?" persisted the social worker. "Ma? Nope, she left just afore I got here," said the kid. "But," protested the social worker, "are you never together as a family?" "Sure, but not here," said the kid through the door. "This is the outhouse.” ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by William Grappy, 30, Tampa, Florida Florida man stole ice cream truck A 30-year-old unemployed man apparently decided to be an ice cream truck driver for the night after he stole a pink and white ice cream truck from Angler Avenue on Okaloosa Island early Friday morning, lawmen say. William Grappy, a California man whose current address is listed in Tampa, opened the unlocked ice cream truck shortly after midnight and found the keys inside, according to a press release from the Okaloosa County Sheriff’s Office. The truck owner’s girlfriend saw Grappy drive off in the vehicle and followed him. Grappy ditched the truck behind the Tom Thumb at 1209 Miracle Strip Parkway and ran away, the press release said. Okaloosa County sheriff’s deputies found Grappy, who they said apologized for “being an idiot.” There was about $1,200 worth of ice cream inside the unlocked $10,000 vehicle. Grappy was charged with burglary, grand theft of a motor vehicle and possession of marijuana. Two “nuggets” of marijuana were found in his pants pockets, according to the release.
Tech Support Pits From: Lucille Re: Wired or wireless? Dear Webby What is faster for a home office network, old fashioned cable or wireless? I know I can't go by what the computer magazines say, because those guys never paid for their toys and have to watch who pays for the ads. The machines are not used for high file traffic games, just for office work, but in 4 different rooms. We are moving and I need to quickly decide whether to have the new place cabled or not. Thanks Lucille Dear Lucille Professionally installing cables so that they are hidden, with neat and clean wall jacks, is neither cheap nor fast. If you go that route, check with burglar alarm system installers. They know how to securely hide cables so that absolutely nothing shows. Wireless will be cheaper, and can be set up in an evening. Pretty well all modern modems have wireless antennas. The only work involved will be setting passwords and permissions. If you are not comfortable with doing that, you can probably entice a neighborhood kid to do that for a nice chocolate cake or bag of beef jerky. The file transfer speed of wireless is better than cable, as long as there are no fridges or metal file cabinets bouncing the signal around, and as long as the distance is not over 50 feet, otherwise the file transfer speed is lower than cable. Ethernet cable speed is not likely to improve in the future. That is a set standard. However, wireless is getting better by the season. If you have one or more "roaming" laptops, go with wireless. Have FUN DearWebby

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BACK IN MY DAY In my day, we didn't have no rocks. We had to go down to the creek and wash our clothes by beating them with our heads. Back in the 1970s we didn't have the space shuttle to get all excited about. We had to settle for men walking on the crummy moon. In my day, we didn't have hand-held calculators. We had to do addition on our fingers. To subtract, we had to cut off somebody's fingers. In my day, we didn't have water. We had to smash together our own hydrogen and oxygen atoms. Kids today think the world revolves around them. In my day, the sun revolved around the world, and the world was perched on the back of a giant tortoise. In my day, we didn't have virtual reality. If a one-eyed, razorback barbarian warrior was chasing you with an ax, you had to kill him with a shovel.
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The new inmate at the mental hospital announced in a loud voice that he was the famous British naval hero, Lord Nelson. This was particularly interesting, because the institution already had a "Lord Nelson." The head psychiatrist, after due consideration, decided to put the two men in the same room, feeling that the similarity of their delusions might prompt an adjustment in each that would help in curing them. It was a calculated risk, of course, for the two men might react violently to one another, but they were introduced and then left alone and no disturbance was heard from the room that night. The next morning, the doctor had a talk with his new patient and was more than pleasantly surprised when he was told "Doctor, I've been suffering from a delusion. I know now for a fact that I am not Lord Nelson." "That's wonderful," said the doctor. "Who are you?" Smiling coyly, the patient replied, "I'm Lady Nelson." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning the Microwave Fill a microwave safe bowl 3/4 of the way with water. Add a slice of lemon (or vinegar) to the water and then heat it until steaming in the microwave. Remove the hot bowl of water and wipe the microwave out with a damp sponge. Food splatters should wipe off easily. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Cropmarks: How dry weather can reveal hidden archaeological sites.
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Kati for this classic: An old lady is walking around in a supermarket calling out, "Crisco, Crisssssssco!" Soon a store clerk approaches and says, "Lady, the Crisco is in aisle D." The old lady replies, "Oh, I'm not looking for the cooking stuff. I'm calling my husband." The clerk is astonished. "Your husband's name is Crisco?" The old lady answers, "Oh no, no, no. I only call him that when we're out in public." "I see," said the clerk. "What do you call him at home?" "Lardo." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A synagogue had just opened for business while at the same time a Catholic church opened across the street. After some time the Rabbi noticed that a convent had been added to the church, More time later a Catholic school was built, then a gymnasium. Concerned the Rabbi called together his staff and expressed his concern, "We've been here the same amount of time as our neighbors and look, they've grown while we still have our same small temple - what are we doing wrong?" And so it was decided, they'd send Morris to attend a service on Sunday and check out what was going on over there. Sunday comes and all the men from the congregation are peeking thru the windows as Morris enters the church. Not 15 minutes later and Morris comes flying across the street, yelling and waving his arms. "So what happened?" says the Rabbi "Oy, you wouldn't believe it" says Morris "I go into the church, I sit down, then from the left a guy in a dress comes out unto the stage and he's chanting "I can play dominoes better than you can - I can play dominoes better than you can", then from the right of the stage some young boys swinging incense followed by another guy in a dress starts chanting "I bet you don't - I bet you don't" then back and forth they go "I can play dominoes better than you can - I bet you don't", then from outta' the back four men in black suits come down the aisles and pick up the bets !!!" ____________________________________________________

Today, July 29 in
1588 The English defeated the Spanish Armada in the Battle
of Gravelines. 

1754 The first international boxing match was held. The 25-
minute match was won when Jack Slack of Britain knocked out
Jean Petit from France. 

1914 The first transcontinental telephone service was
inaugurated when two people held a conversation between New
York, NY and San Francisco, CA. 

1940 John Sigmund of St. Louis, MO, completed a 292-mile
swim down the Mississippi River. The swim from St. Louis to
Caruthersville, MO took him 89 hours and 48 minutes. 

1950 Disney's adaptation of Robert Louis Stevenson's
"Treasure Island" was released. 

1957 The International Atomic Energy Agency was
established. 

1958 The National Aeronautics and Space Administration
(NASA) was authorized by the U.S. Congress. 

1968 Pope Paul VI reaffirmed the Roman Catholic Church's
stance against artificial methods of birth control. 

1975 OAS (Organization of American States) members voted to
lift collective sanctions against Cuba. The U.S. government
welcomed the action and announced its intention to open
serious discussions with Cuba on normalization. 

1981 England's Prince Charles and Lady Diana Spencer were
married. 

1985 General Motors announced that Spring Hill, TN, would
be the home of the Saturn automobile assembly plant. 

1993 The Israeli Supreme Court acquitted retired Ohio
autoworker John Demjanjuk of being Nazi death camp guard
"Ivan the Terrible." His death sentence was thrown out and
he was set free. 

1997 Minamata Bay in Japan was declared free of mercury 40
years after contaminated food fish were blamed for deaths
and birth defects. 

1998 The United Auto Workers union ended a 54-day strike
against General Motors. The strike caused $2.8 billion in
lost revenues. 

2005 Astronomers announced that they had discovered a new
planet (Xena) larger than Pluto in orbit around the sun. 

2018  smiled.


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Numeric keypad 




Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday,  July 28

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:

Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, July 28 in
1866 The metric system was legalized by the U.S. Congress
for the standardization of weights and measures throughout
the United States. The metric system dates back to 1668.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Man is ready to die for an idea, provided that idea is not quite clear to him. --- Paul Eldridge ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Dianne for this story: I feel inadequate when talking with a mechanic, so when my vehicle started making a strange noise, I sought help from a friend. He drove the car around the block, listened carefully, then told me how to explain the difficulty when I took it in for repair. At the shop I proudly recited, "The timing is off, and there are premature detonations, which may damage the valves." As I smugly glanced over the mechanic's shoulder, I saw him write on his clipboard, "Lady says it makes a funny noise." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Hussaini Hanging Bridge, Pakistan _____________________________________________________
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_____________________________________________________ THEN…In walked a very stern looking English teacher and a hush fell over the room as the kids scurried to their seats. The stern teacher silently panned his gaze across all the kids. After about a minute or so, he spoke: "From the outset, I want you all to know that there are two words that are absolutely unacceptable in this classroom. You cannot use them as you recite, or in any of your papers, tests, or homework. Using these words even once, will get you a failing grade for that quarter. The first one is "gross". And the other one is "cool". Are there any questions?" After a few moments of silence, this gawky teen at the back of the room raises his hand, and the teacher calls upon him. In a pubescent croaking voice, the kid asks: "So, what are they?" ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Gary Smith, 46, Michael Christian Simmons, 48, Southport, N.C. Entire North Carolina police department suspended after arrest of chief, lieutenant An entire police department in North Carolina was put on leave after the arrest of the department’s chief and lieutenant, according to WECT. The Southport Police Department’s police chief and lieutenant were arrested Thursday for allegedly moonlighting as truck drivers while officially on the clock at the police department. All police operations in the city were suspended after the arrests, and the whole police force is out on paid administrative leave. SPD Chief Gary Smith, 46, and Lt. Michael Christian Simmons, 48, face charges of conspiracy to obtain property by false pretenses, willful failure to discharge duties and obstruction of justice. Smith and Simmons are accused of driving overnight shifts for a trucking company while on the clock at the Southport Police Department. The name of the trucking company has not been released. The allegations state that the trucking jobs took to the two high-ranking officers out of the city and county while they were supposed to be on patrol in Southport. Smith was arrested Thursday morning and placed under a $10,000 unsecured bond. He posted bail and was released, WECT reports. Simmons was arrested during a Thursday afternoon news conference regarding the investigation. “It is indeed that I get before you today with a heart laden with grief for all these events that happened today,” said Southport Mayor Jerry Dove, according to WECT. “It was a shock to me to hear all these, being a former chief and knowing the officers that worked in that department and hired at least half of them.” The mayor and city’s board of alderman request the Brunswick County Sheriff’s Office to lead law enforcement in Southport until further notice.
Tech Support Pits From: Helga Re: Numeric keys for laptop Dear Webby The numeric keypad keys on my laptop are dual-function keys embedded in the regular keyboard. It does have the numbers again on top, but I can't get any speed going with those. Is there a solution for that? Thanks Helga Dear Helga Numeric keypads used to be quite cheap, but because of the huge demand, the price went up. Honeywell sells one for $530, obviously for Government use only. However, even a Targus currently costs twice as much as a standard keyboard, that has the numeric keypad on it. I have always travelled with a standard 18" keyboard, that just fits into my laptop backpack. Those keyboards have been with me on many mountains and through most American deserts. Just find a standard keyboard, that will fit into your laptop case or backpack. They are from $12 up, and just plug into any USB port. For $50 you can even get them wireless, but that seems to me to be a waste of money, unless you plan to use a big 48" monitor 8 feet away from the couch and you being 10 feet away from the laptop. Measure your laptop case and then get a suitable keyboard at Walmart or Staples. Have FUN DearWebby

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A hospital posted a notice in the nurses' break room saying: "Remember, the first five minutes of a human being's life are the most dangerous." Underneath, a nurse had written: "The last five are pretty risky, too."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
An eighty-three year old lady finished her annual physical examination whereupon the doctor said "You are in fine shape for your age, but tell me, do you still have intercourse?" "Just a minute, I'll have to ask my husband," she said. She went out to the reception room and said: "Jake do we still have intercourse?" Jake answered, "Nah, I told you last time already. We have Blue Cross!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Frugal Weight Loss Eat an apple and drink a full glass of water before eating dinner. Both are good for you and will allow you to feel full more quickly. This will prevent you from eating too much of the actual dinner, which may not be as good for you. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Cropmarks: How dry weather can reveal hidden archaeological sites.
___________________________________________________ A local priest and pastor stood by the side of the road holding up a sign that said, "The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it's too late!" They planned to hold up the sign to each passing car. "Leave us alone you religious nuts!" yelled the first driver as he sped by. >From around the curve they heard a big splash. "Do you think," said one clergy to the other, "we should just put up a sign that says 'bridge out' instead?" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
THREE BAD NUNS There were these three nuns and they were tired of being good all of the time, so they went to the priest and asked if they could be bad for one day. He said that they could do one thing wrong but they had to come straight back and tell him what they did. The first nun comes back. "And what did you do wrong, Sister?" "I mooned the rabbi next door, and nearly gave him a heart attack." "Very well, go drink holy water." The Second nun comes back shortly afterwards. "And what did you do wrong, Sister" he asks again. "I spiked the fruit punch at the bingo ." "Very well, go drink holy water." Just then the third nun comes up to the priest and again he asks, "And what did you do wrong, Sister." "I peed in the holy water." ____________________________________________________

Today, July 28 in
1821 Peru declared its independence from Spain. 

1865 The American Dental Association proposed its first
code of ethics. 

1866 The metric system was legalized by the U.S. Congress
for the standardization of weights and measures throughout
the United States. 

1914 World War I officially began when Austria-Hungary
demanded that Serbia turn over the assassin of the Austrian
Crown Prince.

1932 Federal troops forcibly dispersed the "Bonus Army" of
World War I veterans who had gathered in Washington, DC.
They were demanding money they were not scheduled to
receive until 1945. 

1942 L.A. Thatcher received a patent for a coin-operated
mailbox. The device stamped envelopes when money was
inserted. 

1945 A U.S. Army bomber crashed into the 79th floor of New
York City's Empire State Building. 14 people were killed
and 26 were injured. 

1965 U.S. President Johnson announced he was increasing the
number of American troops in South Vietnam from 75,000 to
125,000. 

1982 San Francisco, CA, became the first city in the U.S.
to ban handguns. 

1998 Bell Atlantic and GTE announced $52 billion deal that
created the second-largest phone company. 

1998 Serbian military forces seized the Kosovo town of
Malisevo. 

1998 Monica Lewinsky received blanket immunity from
prosecution to testify before a grand jury about her
relationship with U.S. President Clinton. 

2006 Researchers announced that two ancient reptiles had
been found off Australia. The Umoonasaurus and
Opallionectes were the first of their kind to be found in
the period soon after the Jurassic era.

2018  smiled.


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