Good Morning,  !

Today is Thursday, September 18

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida teens break into home to have sex
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1930 Construction on Boulder Dam, later renamed Hoover Dam, 
 began in Black Canyon, near Las Vegas, NV.




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses.
 Drinks right out of the bottle.
--- Henny Youngman (1906 - 1998)

The artist doesn't have time to listen to the critics.
 The ones who want to be writers read the reviews,
 the ones who want to write don't have the time to read reviews.
--- William Faulkner (1897 - 1962)


>From Nanarina
A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a
loving relationship with your husband.  The women were
asked, "How many of you love your husband?" 
All the women raised their hands.

Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told
your husband you loved him?" Some women answered today,
a few yesterday, and some couldn't remember.  The
women were then told to take out their cell phones and text
their husband: "I love you, sweetheart."

The women were then told to exchange phones with another
person, and to read aloud the text message they received, in
response.

Here are some of the replies:

 1.  Who the hell is this?

 2.  Eh, mother of my children, are you sick or what?

 3.  Yeah, and I love you too.  What's up with you??

 4.  What now?  Did you wreck the car again?

 5.  I don't understand what you mean?

 6.  What the F___ did you do now?

 7.  You're kidding, right ?

 8.  Don't beat about the bush; just tell me how
 much you need?

 9.  Am I dreaming?

 10.  If you don't tell me who this message is
 actually for, someone will die.

 11.  I thought we agreed you wouldn't drink during
 the day.
 
12.  Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn't she?


The businessman dragged himself home and barely made it to 
his chair before he dropped exhausted.
          
His sympathetic wife was right there with a tall cool drink 
and a comforting word.  "My, you look tired," she said.  
"You must have had a hard day today. What happened to make 
you so exhausted?"

"It was terrible," her husband said.  "The computer broke 
down and all of us had to do our own thinking."




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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

No mugshot yet of the killer, because she is under age.
Nathaniel Vivian, 20 and his girlfriend, Roswell, Georgia

16-year-old girl who fatally shot gamer 
for his ps4 while her baby looked on

A teen girl shot and killed a man as she and her boyfriend 
tried to rob the victim of his Playstation 4, police say.

The victim, 28-year-old Daniel John Zeitz of Roswell, Georgia, 
met up with the couple Friday after posting a Craigslist ad 
to sell the gaming console. The alleged shooter is an unnamed 
16-year-old girl whose 16-month-old baby was sitting in the 
car, only a few feet away during the robbery, according to 
the Atlanta Journal-Constitution.

Sandy Springs police Sgt. Ron Momon told the paper that the 
suspect and her boyfriend, 20-year-old Nathaniel Vivian, 
met Zeitz in an apartment parking lot, posing as potential 
buyers.

The suspects were sitting in their car when Zeitz approached 
at about 9:30 p.m. Vivian allegedly tried to pull the PS4 
into the car. When Zeitz resisted, his girlfriend allegedly 
pulled the trigger on her .25 caliber handgun, sending a 
bullet through Vivian's hand and into Zeitz's chest, 
killing him.

Vivian and the girl were arrested later that night when 
they went to Northside Hospital to treat Vivian's gunshot 
wound, police said.

"Brookhaven police were at the hospital interviewing the 
injured man, who told them he was a victim of a crime in 
Brookhaven, but later told them he was shot while he and 
his girlfriend were at the Legends of Dunwoody Apartments 
to rob a man of his PS4 video gaming system that was 
advertised on Craigslist," Momon said.

UPDATE: The 16-year-old girl will now be charged as an adult, 
though her name hasn't yet been released.

Vivian was held without bond in the Fulton County Jail. The 
16 - 17 month old baby was turned over to the girl's relatives.

Zeitz -- known to his online buddies as Phobos -- 
was a well-respected gamer whose teammates have rallied to 
support his family with a GoFundMe page to cover his funeral 
costs. 
The GoFunded page is here:http://www.gofundme.com/Phobos


The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Healy
Re: Pictures from camera directly to computer

Dear Webby
A friend reamed me out for trasnferring pictures straight
from the camera to the computer, and claimed you had said
to never do that. Unfortunately she could not remember why
not? Does that affect the picture quality?
Healy

Dear Healy
It can drain your camera batteries very quickly. The USB 
port runs at 5 Volt, the camera at 6 Volt. So the camera 
tries to charge up the USB port, which is regulated and 
backed up by the power grid. The batteries have not got 
a chance, and especially if you do some sorting and deleting, 
you might drain the batteries to near flat.

Theoretically there is supposed to be a diode in there
preventing power from flowing in the wrong direction, but
in too many cases, that diode either was missing or not 
strong enough.

A chip reader costs less than a set of batteries and lets
you use a chip as a remote hard drive for back-ups.
With todays 8, 16, 32, or 64 GB chips, that little chip
is a very nice back-up drive.

The only drawback with them is their small size. Unless
you always store them in an easy to remember place, they
might be hard to find.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Freeze Cooking Grease Before Discarding
To dispose of grease, I freeze it. First, I let it cool 
slightly and then pour it into a small plastic container 
to freeze. When frozen, I give the container a twist 
and it pops out like an ice cube. I drop it into the bag 
of frozen food waste that I keep in the freezer until 
garbage collection day.
By Litter Gitter [106]
http://www. thriftyfun.com/




Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


 After buying her kids a pet hamster, after they PROMISED
they would take care of it, Mom, as usual, ended up with the
responsibility.

One evening, exasperated, she asked them, "How many
times do you think that hamster would have died if I hadn't
looked after it?"

After a moment, her 5-year-old son replied quizzically,
"Er.... Once?" 


A church had a man in the choir who couldn't sing.
Several people hinted to him that he could serve in other
places, but he continued to come to the choir.
The choir director became desperate and went to the pastor.

"You've got to get that man out of the choir," he said.
"If you don't, I'm going to resign.  The choir members are
going to quit too.  Please do something."

So the pastor went to the man and suggested, "Perhaps you
should leave the choir."

"Why should I get out of the choir?" he asked.

"Well, five or six people have told me you can't sing."

That's nothing," the man snorted.  "Fifty people have told
me that you can't preach!"



http://www.ctvnews.ca/autos/ontario-con ... gt; src="http://webby.com/humor/Diannes.jpg" align=left>

» When cars had class!




Today in 
1394 In France, Charles VI published an ordinance that 
 expelled all Jews from France. 
1778 The United States signed its first treaty with a 
 Native American tribe, the Delaware Nation. 
1787 The Constitution of the United States of America was 
 signed by delegates at the Constitutional Convention. 
1862 The Battle of Antietam took place during the American 
 Civil War. More than 23,000 men were killed, wounded, or 
 missing. The Rebel advance was ended with heavy losses 
 to both armies. 
1872 Phillip W. Pratt patented a version of the sprinkler 
 system. 
1911 The first transcontinental airplane flight started. It 
 took C.P. Rogers 82 hours to fly from New York City to Pasadena, CA. 
1930 Construction on Boulder Dam, later renamed Hoover Dam, 
 began in Black Canyon, near Las Vegas, NV. 
1932 Sir Malcolm Campbell set a speed record when he reached 
 276.27 mph over a half mile. 
1937 At Mount Rushmore, Abraham Lincoln's face was dedicated. 
1939 The Soviet Union invaded Poland. Germany had invaded 
 Poland on September 1. 
1944 Operation "Market Garden" was launched by Allied 
 paratroopers during World War II. The landing point was 
 behind German lines in the Netherlands. 
1966 "Mission Impossible" premiered on CBS-TV. 
1972 "M*A*S*H" premiered on CBS-TV. 
1976 NASA unveiled the space shuttle Enterprise in Palmdale, CA. 
1983 Vanessa Williams, as Miss New York, became the first black 
 woman to be crowned Miss America. 
1984 9,706 immigrants became naturalized citizens when they 
 were sworn in by U.S. Vice-President George Bush in Miami. 
 It was the largest group to become U.S. citizens. 
1988 Lt. Gen. Prosper Avril declared himself president of 
 Haiti after President Henri Hamphy was ousted. 
1992 Lawrence Walsh called a halt to his probe of the Iran-
 Contra scandal. The investigation had lasted 5 1/2 years. 
1995 Hong Kong held its last legislative election before 
 being taken over by China in 1997. 
1997 Northern Ireland's main Protestant party joined in 
 peace talks. It was the first time that all of the major 
 players had come together. 
1998 The United States government offered a reward for the 
 capture of Haroun Fazil for his role in the bombing of
 US embassies in Kenya on August 7, 1998. 
1998 The U.S. announced a plan that would compensate victims 
 in the Kenya and Tanzania U.S. Embassy bombings on 
 August 7, 1998. 
2014  smiled.

Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, September 17

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida teens break into home to have sex
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1930 Construction on Boulder Dam, later renamed Hoover Dam, 
 began in Black Canyon, near Las Vegas, NV.




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





Misogynist: A man who hates women as much as women 
hate one another.
--- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)

Don't think you're on the right road
just because it’s a well-beaten path.
--- Socratex

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally
you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty
annoying virtues.
--- Elizabeth Taylor

The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax 
return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale.
--- Arthur C. Clarke (1917 - )


This one is a real Classic:
After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided
that was enough (they could not afford a larger doublewide).
So, the husband went to his doctor (who also treated mules)
and told him that he and his wife/cousin didn't want to have
any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a
vasectomy that could fix the problem. The doctor instructed
him to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are legal
in 'Bama), light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up
to his ear and count to 10.

The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the
smartest man, but I don't see how putting a cherry
bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me"

So, the couple drove to Georgia to get a second opinion.
The Georgia physician was just about to tell them about the
procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed that they were
from Alabama. This doctor instead told the man to
go home and get a cherry bomb, light it, place it in
a beer can, hold it to his ear and count to 10.

Figuring that both learned physicians couldn't be wrong,
the man went home, lit a cherrybomb and put it in a beer can.
He held the can up to his ear and began to count.
"1, 2, 3, 4, 5 . . . . ", at which point he paused,
placed the beer can between his legs and resumed
counting on his other hand.


An older friend recently returned from her home town in
North Carolina, says they've spruced up the churchyard
cemetery since her last visit several years back.
"Lots of new greenery," she said. "And families are 
together now."

"Together?" I asked, puzzled. "Well, years ago they never
much worried where they buried someone because everyone
was a neighbor anyhow. They'd just dig a grave wherever it
seemed to balance things. But they've redone it so people
are with their children and grandchildren, instead of
scattered all over."

"You mean they exhumed all those people and re-buried
them?"

"Oh no," she said. "They just moved the headstones.
Everyone agrees it looks ever so much nicer."




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commuter-broom

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Allison Riddle and Evan Jones, both 18, Bradenton, Floriduh

Florida teens break 
into home to have sex

A couple is accused of breaking into a home in Bradenton, 
Florida so they could have sex, according to a police report 
obtained by The Smoking Gun.

Allison Riddle and Evan Jones, both 18-year-old high school 
students, allegedly entered the residence Saturday night 
after Jones’ friend — who cuts the homeowner’s lawn — gave 
him the garage security code. The owner of the home lives 
in Michigan, and a neighbor called the cops after spotting 
the randy teens allegedly going into the house.

When cops got there, Jones allegedly called, “All right, 
we’re coming out!” from behind a closed bedroom door.

Riddle and Jones allegedly told cops they didn’t intend 
on stealing anything, but had just gone into the residence 
to have sex. They were each charged with burglary and 
taken into custody, but both have since been released, 
according to Manatee County records.
---------
Buncha wimps! When I was that age I had half a dozen 
love-nests in the forest along the river, smooth and soft
moss, bushes all around and a big tree above. Dry and cozy
in any weather. Of course, I had a nice quilt rolled up
in my bike's saddle bag, and a box of condoms and kleenex
stashed at each love-nest. It never occurred to me to use
somebody's house.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Alice
Re: TweakUI

Dear Webby
I have over the decades seen mention of TweakUI a number 
of times, but nobody ever 'splained to me what it is.
Can you?
Thanks
Alice

Dear Alice
To get tweakUI, go to 
TweakUI for W7 64-bit
It is free, and takes less than 1 MB of space. 

TweakUI started as an unofficial and not approved collection
of little utilities to help make Windows98 a bit better by
tweaking the User Interface.

One of the first tricks was to make the icon text background
transparent, instead of an ugly white block. 
Some of the tricks were just telling us the devious ways to
get something set, even though no Microsoft help mentioned it.
Another one was an add-in to the file explorer, that let
you open a command prompt at the highlighted directory.

Slowly that collection grew, and in Windows XP quite a few 
of them were built in, and Microsoft took control of TweakUI.
Windows 7 adopted even more, but there are still quite a few
conveniences, that you only get through the TweakUI.

Above is the link to the current, "official" version of it.
There are a few more advanced ones floating around, but try 
this one first. If you need even more tricks, let me know.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Mix Sweet and Plain Cereal Together
I would buy unsweetened cereal along with sweetened versions 
and would mix them into one bowl, returning them back into 
their boxes. Then when the kids or my husband ate cereal,
 they ate HALF the sugar in each bowl. It wasn't completely 
not sweet so they'd still like it!
You can do this with cheerios, flakes and even granolas. The 
unsweetened (or store brand) versions were usually less 
expensive too. I also cut our milk with reconstituted dry 
milk, just to help our little struggling family at the time.
By Donna [137]
http://www. thriftyfun.com/




Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


Woman to marriage counselor: "The only thing my husband and
I have in common is that we got stuck with the same kids."


Schalk burst into Van's room to find Van standing on a chair
with a rope around his waist and the end of the rope around
the ceiling beam. "Hey Van, what do you think you're doing?"
said Schalk.

"I'm committing suicide," replied Van.

"Well you're going about it all wrong," said Schalk. "You're
supposed to tie the rope around your neck, not our waist."

"Man, but I tried that yesterday and I nearly choked."



http://www.ctvnews.ca/autos/ontario-con ... gt; src="http://webby.com/humor/Diannes.jpg" align=left>

» When cars had class!




Today in 
1394 In France, Charles VI published an ordinance that 
 expelled all Jews from France. 
1778 The United States signed its first treaty with a 
 Native American tribe, the Delaware Nation. 
1787 The Constitution of the United States of America was 
 signed by delegates at the Constitutional Convention. 
1862 The Battle of Antietam took place during the American 
 Civil War. More than 23,000 men were killed, wounded, or 
 missing. The Rebel advance was ended with heavy losses 
 to both armies. 
1872 Phillip W. Pratt patented a version of the sprinkler 
 system. 
1911 The first transcontinental airplane flight started. It 
 took C.P. Rogers 82 hours to fly from New York City to Pasadena, CA. 
1930 Construction on Boulder Dam, later renamed Hoover Dam, 
 began in Black Canyon, near Las Vegas, NV. 
1932 Sir Malcolm Campbell set a speed record when he reached 
 276.27 mph over a half mile. 
1937 At Mount Rushmore, Abraham Lincoln's face was dedicated. 
1939 The Soviet Union invaded Poland. Germany had invaded 
 Poland on September 1. 
1944 Operation "Market Garden" was launched by Allied 
 paratroopers during World War II. The landing point was 
 behind German lines in the Netherlands. 
1966 "Mission Impossible" premiered on CBS-TV. 
1972 "M*A*S*H" premiered on CBS-TV. 
1976 NASA unveiled the space shuttle Enterprise in Palmdale, CA. 
1983 Vanessa Williams, as Miss New York, became the first black 
 woman to be crowned Miss America. 
1984 9,706 immigrants became naturalized citizens when they 
 were sworn in by U.S. Vice-President George Bush in Miami. 
 It was the largest group to become U.S. citizens. 
1988 Lt. Gen. Prosper Avril declared himself president of 
 Haiti after President Henri Hamphy was ousted. 
1992 Lawrence Walsh called a halt to his probe of the Iran-
 Contra scandal. The investigation had lasted 5 1/2 years. 
1995 Hong Kong held its last legislative election before 
 being taken over by China in 1997. 
1997 Northern Ireland's main Protestant party joined in 
 peace talks. It was the first time that all of the major 
 players had come together. 
1998 The United States government offered a reward for the 
 capture of Haroun Fazil for his role in the bombing of
 US embassies in Kenya on August 7, 1998. 
1998 The U.S. announced a plan that would compensate victims 
 in the Kenya and Tanzania U.S. Embassy bombings on 
 August 7, 1998. 
2014  smiled.

Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, September 16

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Tennessee man butt dialled himself into jail
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1998 Universal paid $9 million for the rights to the Dr. Seuss 
 classics "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" and 
 "Oh, the Places You'll Go."




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





A man can sleep around, no questions asked, 
but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes 
she's a tramp.
--- Joan Rivers (1935 - )


Boss, to four of his employees: "I'm really sorry, 
but I'm going to have to let one of you go."

Black Employee: "I'm a protected minority."

Female Employee: "And I'm a woman."

Oldest Employee: "Fire me, buster, and I'll hit you with 
an age discrimination suit so fast 
it'll make your head spin."

To which they all turn to look at the helpless young, 
white, male employee, who thinks a moment, then responds: 
"Well, you guyses,  I know it doesn't show, but I 
sink I might be gay..."

So, to be politically correct, he fired them all.


One Liners:

Middle Age: When actions creak louder than words.

Don't worry. I forgot your name, too!

Is it time for your medication or mine?




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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Grant O'Connor, MOUNT PLEASANT, Tenn

Tennessee man butt dialled himself into jail

A man has been arrested in Middle Tennessee after dispatchers 
heard him discussing drugs on an accidental 911 call.
WKRN-TV reports Grant O’Connor was charged with simple 
possession and possession of drug paraphernalia after his 
Friday arrest in Mount Pleasant.

Dispatchers traced the call when they heard him talking 
about getting high and going to a drug dealer’s house on 
an open line.

According to a police report, an officer located O’Connor 
in a car that was pulling out of a restaurant parking lot. 
The officer searched the car and found a bag of marijuana 
and drug paraphernalia underneath O’Connor’s seat.

O’Connor was released on $3,500 bond the following day. 
There was no phone number listed for him in the phone 
directory.

The drug dealer's house, that he mentioned, is on the 
list now. Action and excitement is to be expected there 
tonight.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Guinn
Re: Can't restore

Dear Webby
You seem to know (or can find out) a lot of answers to our
problems, out here in CyberLand. So here is MY problem:
Sometime in the past few weeks I must have clicked a
wrong key because now I cannot Restore. When I try to
Restore, the only day shown in bold numbers is the current
date and the current time. How do I get my Restore back?

I was looking at TweakUI awhile back. Could a wrong key
there cause this problem?

Thanks for any help you can give me,
Guinn

Dear Guinn
TweakUI is perfectly safe. It was actually written for
Windows 98 and has been around for a long time now.
For XP you should actually use XP-Powertoys, but good ol
TweakUI is OK too. 
There is a TweakUI for Windows 7 64-bit available, that
will let you tweak the W7 User Interface to be more logical
and user friendly. It is quite safe. 
TweakUI for W7 64-bit
It is free, and takes less than 1 MB of space. 

You, or some "speeder-upper" utility, must have turned off
Restore and wiped out all the old restore data. Running out
of disk space also deactivates the Restore.

Once you clear out enough space, System Restore will
reactivate automatically, but in the meantime you will have
lost all your previous restore points.

Restore also gets a bit flaky when it gets close to the 
limit of the space that you allotted for it. It will start 
dropping old restore points. Theoretically it is supposed 
to stop dumping when 50% of the allocated space is free. 
Sometimes it doesn't.

If the restore point that you see is not the one made when
Restore got turned back on, go to Control Panel, System,
System-Restore and manage it from there.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Glue Paper Plate to Paint Can
You'll keep the floor neater during the next painting job 
if you glue a paper plate to the bottom of your paint can, 
instead of trying to move newspapers under the container 
every time you set it down.
By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO
http://www. thriftyfun.com/




Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


Tech Support: "How much free space do you have on your hard drive?"

Customer: "Well, my wife likes to get up there on that Internet, 
and she downloaded ten hours of free space from AOL. 
Is that enough?"


Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a
lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and
showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron.

Now it was question time, and she asked, "My name begins
with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?"

Little Johnny in the front row proudly said, "You're a mother!"





» Ron Pratte Collection




Today in 
1400 Owain Glyndwr was proclaimed Prince of Wales after 
 rebelling against English rule. He was the last Welsh-born 
 Prince of Wales. 
1620 The Mayflower departed from Plymouth, England. The ship 
 arrived at Provincetown, MA, on November 21st and then at 
 Plymouth, MA, on December 26th. There were 102 passengers 
 onboard. 
1630 The village of Shawmut changed its name to Boston. 
1782 The Great Seal of the United States was impressed on 
 document to negotiate a prisoner of war agreement with 
 the British. It was the first official use of the 
 impression. 
1810 The Mexicans began a revolt against Spanish rule. 
 Miguel Hidalgo y Costilla, a Catholic priest of Spanish 
 descent, declared Mexico's independence from Spain in 
 the small town of Dolores. 
1893 The "Cherokee Strip" in Oklahoma was swarmed by 
 hundreds of thousands of settlers. 
1908 General Motors was founded by William Crapo "Billy" 
 Durant. The company was formed by merging the Buick and 
 Olds car companies.
1974 U.S. President Ford announced a conditional amnesty 
 program for draft-evaders and deserters during the 
 Vietnam War. 
1982 In west Beirut, the massacre of hundreds of Palestinian 
 men, women and children began in refugee camps of the 
 Lebanese Christian militiamen. 
1985 The Communist Party in China announced changes in 
 leadership that were designed to bring younger officials 
 into power. 
1987 The Montreal Protocol was signed by 24 countries in an 
 effort to save the Earth's ozone layer by reducing emissions 
 of harmful chemicals by the year 2000. It turned out the 
 Ozone scare was a hoax.
1990 An eight-minute videotape of an address by U.S. President 
 George H.W. Bush was shown on Iraqi television. The message 
 warned that action of Saddam Hussein could plunge them into 
 a war "against the world." 
1994 Exxon Corporation was ordered by federal jury to pay 
 $5 billion in punitive damages to the people harmed by the 
 1989 Exxon Valdez spill. 
1994 Two astronauts from the space shuttle Discovery went on 
 the first untethered spacewalk in 10 years. 
1998 Universal paid $9 million for the rights to the Dr. Seuss 
 classics "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" and 
 "Oh, the Places You'll Go." 
2014  smiled.

Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, September 15

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Colorado woman, who pointed a rifle at kids, who were
practising a clarinet in the neighbor's back yard
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1949 "The Lone Ranger" premiered on ABC. Clayton Moore was the 
 Lone Ranger and Jay Silverheels was Tonto.




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, 
but deep down I know that's not true. Some smaller countries 
are neutral.
--- Robert Orben

A man's reach should exceed his grasp.
--- Robert Browning


Two very successful psychoanalysts occupied offices in the
same building. One was 40 years old, the other over 70.
They rode on the elevator together at the end of an
unbearably hot, sticky day. The younger man was completely
done in, and he noted with some resentment that his senior
was fresh as a daisy.

"I don't understand," he marvelled, "how you can listen to
complaining patients from morning till night, on a day like
this, and still look so spry and unbothered when it's over?"

The older analyst replied, "So, who listens?"


Thanks to Rosie for this story:
After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military
assignment, my mother wearily arrived at Rhein-Main Air Base in
Germany with my eight siblings and me, all under the age of eleven.
Collecting our many suitcases, the ten of us entered the cramped
customs area.  A young customs official watched our entourage in
disbelief, "Ma'am," he asked, "do all these children and this
luggage belong to you?"

"Yes, sir," my mother said with a sigh.  "They're all mine."

The customs agent began his questions, "Ma'am, do you have any
weapons, contraband or illegal drugs in your possession?"

"Sir," she calmly answered, "if I'd had any of those items, I would
have used them by now."

The official allowed us to pass without opening a single suitcase.

Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture,
sent to her by her Friend Betty in Pismo Beach


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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Cheryl Ann Pifer of Clifton, Colorado

Woman Points Rifle At Boy Playing 
Clarinet Outside

A western Colorado woman is accused of pointing a rifle 
at several children in a neighboring backyard because she 
was upset that an 11-year-old boy was playing his clarinet 
outside.

Mesa County sheriff's deputies believe 60-year-old Cheryl 
Ann Pifer of Clifton had been drinking before allegedly 
threatening the children Wednesday.

The Daily Sentinel reports that the boy told Pifer he was 
practicing the clarinet as part of his homework and couldn't 
go back inside his grandmother's house because a baby was 
sleeping.

Several of the other children in the backyard with him 
reported that Pifer also pointed a gun at them and yelled 
"Fire in the hole!" as they ran away.

Deputies say Pifer's rifle wasn't loaded.

Pifer declined to comment. She faces possible child abuse 
and felony menacing charges.


The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Jerry
Re: Sockets for accessories

Dear Webby
First of all, thanx for offering the large type option to
those of us who are superannuated.
I go back to the days when your connections to accessories
(printers, scanners, etc.) were plentiful and you had many 
sizes and fittings.
My Dell (surprise) has only a few ports for my accessories.
Is there a multi-plug unit available so I can keep my
connectors in one place?
Thank you
Jerry

Dear Jerry
There used to be docking stations for laptops, but I have 
not seen any for years. Nowadays you just use USB hubs.
You can get them at the Dollar store with 4 - 8 sockets.
You plug each one into a USB socket, and glue the hub with
double-sided tape to the side of the monitor or shelf.
You can glue one with the sockets facing forward and one 
with the sockets f acing back for added convenience.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Make Your Own Take Along Coffee Packs
I love fresh brewed coffee. To make my own take along packs, 
I place a teaspoon or maybe a tablespoon of ground coffee 
into a coffee filter along with aspartame sugar and powder 
creamer, and fold the filter in from the sides and down from 
the top. I secure it with one staple like they do on tea bags 
and I have take along fresh brewed coffee. I can add them to 
hot water, heated in the microwave where ever and whenever. 
I make loads of these and keep them in an old empty glass 
lidded jar for at home and put some in a small zipock bag 
for my purse. This is much cheaper than buying them premade, 
and I can specialize them with any flavor I like.
By Kimsukie from Florissant, MO
http://www. thriftyfun.com/




Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


Before Linda got married, she was quite the beauty, and 
didn't mind letting her boyfriend know it, too.
"A lot of men are gonna be totally miserable when I marry," 
she told him.

"Really?" asked the boyfriend, "And just how many men are 
you intending to marry?"


Today's Bonehead reminded me of this story:
Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Skye  went to study at an English
university and was living in the hall of residence with all the
other students there. After he had been there a month, his
mother came to visit him.

"And how do you find the English students, Donald?" she
asked.

"Mother," he replied, "they're such terrible, noisy people. The
one on that side keeps banging his head on the wall and won't
stop. The one on the other side screams and screams all
night."

"Oh Donald! How do you manage to put up with these awful
noisy English neighbors?"

"Mother, I do nothing. I just ignore them. I just stay here
quietly, playing my bagpipes."





» Golden Harvest




Today in 
1775 An early and unofficial American flag was raised by 
 Lieutenant Colonel Isaac Mott after the seizing of Fort 
 Johnson from the British. The flag was dark blue with 
 the white word "Liberty" spelled on it. 
1776 British forces occupied New York City during the 
 American Revolution. 
1821 Costa Rica, Guatemala, Honduras, Nicaragua and El Salvador 
 proclaimed independence. 
1853 Reverend Antoinette Brown Blackwell was ordained becoming 
 first female minister in the United States. 
1857 Timothy Alder earned a patent for the typesetting machine. 
1858 The first mail service began to the Pacific Coast of the U.S. 
 under government contract. Coaches from the Butterfield Overland 
 Mail Company took 12 days to make the journey between Tipton, MO 
 and San Francisco, CA. 
1909 Charles F. Kettering applied for a patent on his ignition 
 system. His company Delco (Dayton Engineering Laboratories 
 Company) later became a subsidiary of General Motors. 
1916 During the Battle of the Somme, in France, tanks were 
 first used in warfare when the British rolled them onto the 
 battlefields. 
1917 Alexander Kerensky proclaimed Russia to be a republic. 
1923 Oklahoma was placed under martial law by Gov. John 
 Calloway Walton due to terrorist activity by the Ku Klux 
 Klan. After this declaration national newspapers began to 
 expose the Klan and its criminal activities. 
1928 Alexander Fleming discovered the antibiotic penicillin 
 in the mold Penicillium notatum. 
1935 The Nuremberg Laws were enacted by Nazi Germany. The 
 act stripped all German Jews of their civil rights and the 
 swastika was made the official symbol of Nazi Germany. 
1940 The German Luftwaffe suffered the loss of 185 planes in 
 the Battle of Britain. The change in tide forced Hitler to 
 abandon his plans for invading Britain. 
1949 "The Lone Ranger" premiered on ABC. Clayton Moore was the 
 Lone Ranger and Jay Silverheels was Tonto. 
1950 U.N. forces landed at Inchon, Korea in an attempt to 
 relieve South Korean forces and recapture Seoul. 
1953 The National Boxing Association adopted the 10-point 
 scoring system for all of its matches. 
1955 Betty Robbins became the first woman cantor. 
1959 Soviet Premier Nikita Khrushchev arrived in the U.S. 
 to begin a 13-day visit. 
1961 The U.S. resumed underground testing of nuclear weapons. 
1965 "Lost in Space" premiered on CBS TV. 
1965 "Green Acres" premiered on CBS TV. 
1978 Muhammad Ali defeated Leon Spinks to win his 3rd World 
 Heavyweight Boxing title. 
1982 The first issue of "USA Today" was published. 
1983 The U.S. Senate joined the U.S. House of Representatives
 in their condemning of the Soviet Union for shooting down a 
 Korean jet with 269 people onboard. 
1990 France announced that it would send an additional 4,000 
 soldiers to the Persian Gulf. They also expelled Iraqi 
 military attaches in Paris. 
1993 The FBI announced a new national campaign concerning 
 the crime of carjacking. 
1994 U.S. President Clinton told Haiti's military leaders 
 "Your time is up. Leave now or we will force you from power." 
1998 Ayatollah Ali Khamenei ordered the Iranian military to 
 be on full alert and massed troops on its border with 
 Afghanistan. 
1998 It was announced that 5.9 million people read The Starr 
 Report on the Internet. 606,000 people read the White House 
 defense of U.S. President Clinton. 
1999 The United Nations approved the deployment of a 
 multinational peacekeeping force in East Timor. 
2003 In Independence, MO, the birthplace of Ginger Rogers 
was designated a local landmark. The move by the Independence 
City Council qualified the home for historic preservation.
2014  smiled.

Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, September 14

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Californian, who cooked his girlfriend's Pomeranian, 
fed it to her then texted her to ask 
how it tasted before placing the dog's 
paws on her doorstep
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1940 The Selective Service Act was passed by the U.S. 
 Congress providing the first peacetime draft in the 
 United States. 




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.
--- Mae West (1892 - 1980)

Art is making something out of nothing and selling it.
--- Frank Zappa (1940 - 1993)



Bear cub pole dancing


A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a
restaurant; first, he'd asked that the air conditioning be
turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be
turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about
half an hour.

Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back
and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second
customer asked him why he didn't throw out the pest.

"Oh I don't care." said the waiter with a smile. "We don't
have an air conditioner anyway."

Thanks to lillemor for sending this picture,
sent to her by her son Mikel


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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Ryan Watenpaugh, 34, of Palo Cedro, California

Man cooked his girlfriend's Pomeranian, 
fed it to her then texted her to ask 
how it tasted before placing the dog's 
paws on her doorstep

A Northern California man has been arrested after his 
ex-girlfriend said he cooked her dog and fed it to her.
Ryan Watenpaugh, 34, of Palo Cedro was arrested on Thursday 
on charges of stalking and animal cruelty.

He remains jailed on Friday.

Watenpaugh's ex told police he had repeatedly struck her 
while they were dating and that after one assault, she escaped 
from her Redding apartment out the back door and returned to 
find her Pomeranian, 'Bear,' missing.
USA Today reports that the woman said she suffers from bruises 
and minor cuts after the assaults and she claims that she 
was twice held against her will while she was trying to 
escape him.

Police say the couple briefly reconciled last week and 
Watenpaugh cooked the woman a meal and she ate it thinking 
it was like any other meal. But she told police he later 
texted her and asked how her dog had tasted.

On Tuesday at around 1 a.m. the woman heard a truck pull 
up to her residence and she saw Watenpaugh walk to her 
house and place a mysterious object on her doorstep.
He also allegedly texted the woman about what terrible 
things he planned to do with the dog's remains  and said 
that he would return its paws to her.
When she went outside, she saw two of the dog's paws 
outside her door.

Police say Watenpaugh has denied killing or cooking the dog.
In addition to arresting Wantenpaugh, police searched his 
home and found AK-47 assault rifle and multiple high-capacity 
magazines.
He was booked for animal cruelty, domestic violence, 
stalking and false imprisonment. 
He's being held on $250,000 bail.
Police are still researching what kind of weapons charges 
they can add.


The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Narnie
Re: Cleaning LCD monitors

Dear Webby
I got a piece of cloth with my new monitor and instructions
to just wipe it with that cloth, without any liquid. That
does not make sense to me.
What is the real story and the proper way to clean an LCD
monitor?

Thanks
Narnie

Dear Narnie
You are right. Dry cloth will just scratch the plastic front
of the monitor.

Use your favorite window cleaning spray and a soft,lint-free 
cloth. Micro-fiber cloth, a freshly washed t-shirt rag, or
anything like that will work fine.

Spray the screen, wipe any runs at the bottom edge,
then wipe the entire screen. Turn the rag around and 
lightly polish it with the dry side. 
That's all there is to it.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Removing Air from Ziplock Bags
We will never buy the vacuum seal machine and expensive 
bags because we vacuum seal the easy and frugal way. 
Place contents in a ziploc bag and immerse in a sink full 
of water, keeping opened end of bag just above the water 
line.
The pressure of the water against the outside of the bag 
will force out all the air in it. And, voila, it's done. 
Zip shut and you're good to go!

By annelaundrie from Green Bay, WI
http://www. thriftyfun.com/




Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon
full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past.
Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a
Dalmatian dog.
The children started to discuss the dog's duties.
"They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster.

"No," said another, "he's just for good luck."

"I know!" said a third.
"They use it to find the fire hydrant!"


Andy came to work one day, limping something awful. One of
his co-workers, Josh, noticed and asked Andy what
happened.

Andy replied, "Oh, nothing.  It's just an old football 
injury that acts up once in a while."

Josh, "Gee, I never knew you played football."

Andy, "No I don't. I hurt it last year when I lost $100 
on the Superbowl.  I put my foot through the television."





» Beautiful Places




Today in 
1812 Moscow was set on fire by Russians after Napoleon 
 Bonaparte's troops invaded. 
1814 Francis Scott Key wrote the "Star-Spangled Banner," 
 a poem originally known as "Defense of Fort McHenry," after 
 witnessing the British bombardment of Fort McHenry, MD, 
 during the War of 1812. The song became the official U.S. 
 national anthem on March 3, 1931. 
1847 U.S. forces took control of Mexico City under the 
 leadership of General Winfield Scott. 
1866 George K. Anderson patented the typewriter ribbon. 
1899 In New York City, Henry Bliss became the first 
 automobile fatality. 
1901 U.S. President William McKinley died of gunshot wounds 
 inflicted by an assassin. Vice President Theodore Roosevelt, 
 at age 42, succeeded him. 
1915 Carl G. Muench received a patent for Insulit, the first 
 sound-absorbing material to be used in buildings. 
1938 The VS-300 made its first flight. The craft was based 
 on the helicopter technology patented by Igor Sikorsky. 
1940 The Selective Service Act was passed by the U.S. 
 Congress providing the first peacetime draft in the 
 United States. 
1959 Luna II, a Soviet space probe, became the first 
 man-made object on the moon when it crashed on the surface. 
1960 The Organization of the Petroleum Exporting Countries 
 (OPEC) was founded. The core members were Iran, Iraq, Kuwait, 
 Saudi Arabia, and Venezuela. 
1972 "The Waltons" premiered on CBS-TV. 
1975 Pope Paul VI declared Mother Elizabeth Ann Bayley Seton 
 the first U.S.-born saint. 
1978 "Mork & Mindy" premiered on ABC-TV. 
1983 The U.S. House of Representatives voted 416-0 in a 
 resolution condemning the Soviet Union for the shooting 
 down of a Korean jet on September 1. 
1984 Joe Kittinger became the first person to fly a balloon 
 solo across the Atlantic Ocean. 
 1987 Tony Magnuson cleared 9.5 feet above the top of the 
 U-ramp and set a new skateboard high jump record. 
1989 Joseph T. Wesbecker shot and killed eight people and 
 wounded twelve others at a printing plant in Louisville, KY. 
 Wesbecker, 47 years old, was on disability for mental 
 illness. He took his own life after the incident. 
1998 Israel announced that they had successfully tested 
 its Arrow-2 missile defense system. The system successfully 
 destroyed a simulated target. 
1999 Disney World closed down for the first time in its 28-year 
 history. The closure was due to Hurricane Floyd heading 
 for Florida. 
1999 It was announced that "US" magazine would change from 
 monthly to weekly and change its name to "USWeekly." 
2001 Nintendo released the GameCube home video game 
 console in Japan. 
2001 The FBI released the names of the 19 suspected hijackers 
 that had taken part in the September 11 terror attacks 
 on the U.S. 
2014  smiled.

Good Morning,  !

Today is Saturday, September 13

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Californian, who stole the same black Ferrari convertible 
twice.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1959 The Soviet Union's Luna 2 became the first space probe 
 to reach the moon. It was launched the day before. 




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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





A committee can make a decision that is dumber 
than any of its members.
--- David Coblitz

It is the dull man who is always sure,
and the sure man who is always dull.
--- H. L. Mencken


Ending his sermon, a preacher announced that he would preach
on Noah and the Ark on the following Sunday, and gave the
scriptural reference for the congregation to read ahead of time.

A couple of boys noticed something interesting about the
placement of the story in the Bible.  They slipped into the
church and glued two pages of the pulpit Bible together.

The next Sunday, the preacher got up to read his text.
"Noah took unto himself a wife," he began, "and she was"
- he turned the page to continue - "three hundred cubits long,
fifty wide and thirty high."

He paused, scratched his head, turned the page back, read it
silently, and turned the page again.  Then he looked up at his
congregation and said, "I've been reading this old Bible for
near fifty years, but there are some things in it that are 
hard to believe."


"If you had a quarter," quizzed the teacher, "and you asked
your father for a dollar and fifty cents, how much
money would you have?"

"One quarter." answered 
The teacher shook her head and said, "You don't know
your arithmetic, do you, ?"

 sighed and replied, "You don't know my father."




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Cyclone off Australia

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Earnie Steven Hook, 39, FONTANA, CA

Man accused of stealing same Ferrari twice

A man has been arrested on suspicion of stealing the same 
Ferrari twice, Fontana police said.

According to investigators, Earnie Steven Hook, 39, first 
fled a DUI checkpoint in the stolen Ferrari on Aug. 29 near 
the Village of Heritage. Officers later found the sports 
car abandoned in the area and put it in an impound lot.

Police say the next morning, at 3 a.m., he allegedly broke 
into the lot and stole the Ferrari for a second time.

Hooks was arrested on Sept. 4 after Fontana detectives 
spotted him driving the stolen Ferrari near Vineland Avenue 
and Ventura Boulevard in Studio City.

Black Ferrari Convertibles are not really inconspicuos.

He faces charges of theft and unlawful taking or driving 
of a vehicle, receiving stolen property, and burglary.

He is siting in jail. Bond has been set at $500,000.

The report did not indicate who punched him shortly before 
the mug shot picture was taken.


The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Fox
Re: Good filters

Dear Webby
That filter worked just great!
What other good filters do you have?
Thanks
Fox

Dear Fox
I looked at the pie chart to see which filter actually does
the most work. It is my "_blank" filter.
The funny thing about that is that I wrote it so many years 
ago, I don't remember what it is all about.
However, it is responsible for 16.75% of the spam dumping
out of the 100% of all filters together.

It is actually a very simple filter: If the 

BODY 

CONTAINS

target="_blank"

then dump it.

That is it! Short, simple, and deadly: 16.75% of the spam 
sent at me is dumped by that filter.

Most filters catch just small percentages. For example
Chinese: 1.67%
Japanese: $1.64%
No Subject: 1.63
Ref nance: 1.49
and so on.
Together they add up to 100%

If you are interested, I'll write about another big one, 
that catches foreign spam and nets 16.48% of the total 
catch. With between 4500 and 5000 pieces of mail per day,
and less than 200 legitimate, that is a lot of spam that
filter sends to hell.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Laundry Basket For Transporting Groceries
Having to carry groceries from my car into my apartment 
is always a challenge. Add a two year old in tow, stairs 
to climb, and possible icy sidewalks in the winter, and 
you have disaster waiting to happen. Since I only have 
so many hands for shopping bags and hand holding, I now 
leave a laundry basket in my van when I go shopping.
I can usually fit all of the bags into the basket. Since 
it is contoured for hip carrying, I still have a hand 
free for my son. The plastic makes it easy to clean up 
if there are any spills and I don't worry about it 
breaking like the flimsy cardboard boxes you can buy 
at the grocery store.
By tracey
http:// thriftyfun.com




Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


Q. What do you call an Irishman who knows how to
control a wife?

A. A bachelor.


>From Brandy
My boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he
wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local
sign shop and bought a small sign that read, "I'm the Boss".  He
then taped it to his office door.

Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that the sign
was gone and someone had taped a note to the sign that said.
"Your wife called, she said she did not authorize your sign."





» Sea Shells




Today in 
1759 The French were defeated by the British on the Plains 
 of Abraham in the final French and Indian War. 
1789 The United States Government took out its first loan. 
1847 U.S. forces took the hill Chapultepec during the 
 Mexican-American War. 
1862 During the American Civil War General Lee's Order 
 No. 191 was found by federal soldiers in Maryland. 
1898 Hannibal Williston Goodwin patented celluloid photographic 
 film, which is used to make movies. 
1922 In El Azizia, Libya, the highest shade temperature was 
 recorded at 58 degrees Celsius (136.4 degrees Fahrenheit). 
1943 Chiang Kai-shek became the president of China. 
1959 The Soviet Union's Luna 2 became the first space probe 
 to reach the moon. It was launched the day before. 
1960 The U.S. Federal Communications Commission banned payola. 
1971 In New York, National Guardsmen stormed the Attica 
 Correctional Facility and put an end to the four-day revolt. 
 A total of 43 people were killed in the final assault.
1977 The first American diesel automobiles were introduced by 
 General Motors. 
1981 U.S. Secretary of State Alexander M. Haig said the U.S. 
 had physical evidence that Russia and its allies used 
 poisonous biological weapons in Laos, Cambodia and Afghanistan. 
1993 Israel and Palestine signed their first major agreement. 
 Palestine was granted limited self-government in the Gaza Strip 
 and in Jericho. 
1994 U.S. President Bill Clinton signed a $30 billion crime 
 bill into law. 
2001 U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell named Osama bin Laden 
 as the prime suspect in the terror attacks on the United States 
 on September 11, 2001. Limited commercial flights resumed in 
 the U.S. for the first time in two days.
2014  smiled.

Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, September 12
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!





Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Pittsburgh perv gropes off-duty female marshal, 
and gets beat up and arrested.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1954 "Lassie" made its television debut on CBS. The last 
 show aired on September 12, 1971.  




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I have discovered that all human evil comes from this, 
man's being unable to sit still in a room.
--- Blaise Pascal (1623 - 1662) 

"We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines.
They don't know if we can fight or if we can kill. I think we can. All the
general has to do is walk over to the women and say,
'You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms.'"
--- Elayne Boosler


Barak, a rather arrogant acquaintance, and 
were seated side by side on a train. An announcement was
made that all electrical power would be out for a few minutes
due to a blown circuit.
Seated across from Barak and   were two
very attractive ladies.

Just then the train entered a dark tunnel.
A loud smack was heard.
As the train left the tunnel, a large red hand print could be
seen on Barak's face. Nothing was said by anyone.

The train entered another dark tunnel and another loud
smack was heard. As the train left the tunnel, another
large red hand print could be seen on the other side of
Barak's face. Again, nothing at all was said.

Barak was thinking....  must have done
something to those ladies and they thought it was me
because of my reputation.
But   was thinking....I wish we would go
through another tunnel so I could slap that idiot again!!!
------------
If you put nothing, or a full name like
"Ms Ernestine F Trailer-Hooker III" into the FIRST NAME slot
of the sign-up, that joke will fall flat. It's nearly as bad
if you got a gift subscription from a neighbor, who typed
your first name or nickname in all small or all large letters
because she had a bottle of Southern Comfort in one hand
and a donut in the other. If that is the case with your
first name or nickname, hit REPLY and tell me, and I will
instantly correct it.
DearWebby


Having lost weight over the past few years, a lady was
discarding things from her wardrobe that no longer fit.
Her seven-year-old daughter was watching as she held
up a huge pair of slacks.  "Wow," the lady said, "I must
have worn these when I was a hundred and eighty."

Her daughter looked awestruck and asked,
"How old are you now?"




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Britain's Scariest tree

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Robert Flynn, 19, Pittsburgh

Perv groped marshal

An off-duty US Marshal says she fought back against a man 
who groped her butt and pulled down her shorts on a trail 
popular with runners in Pittsburgh.

The 19-year-old suspect, Robert Flynn, ran away after 
allegedly pawing the marshal on Tuesday, but she chased 
him down and swiftly kicked him in the crotch, according 
to CBS Pittsburgh.

While in pursuit of the accused pervert, the marshal 
hollered at other joggers to call 911.

The woman says she identified herself as a federal marshal 
and kicked Flynn again after he resisted being detained 
and charged at her, according to the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.
The marshal, who's 5-feet-5 and weighs 150 pounds, also 
punched the 6-feet-4, 210-pound Flynn in the face.

She injured a pinky in the tumult.

Police arrived to find Flynn cornered by the marshal, 
according to WTAE.

Police said Flynn might be the culprit in an earlier attack 
on the same route in which a woman said a young man hoisted 
up her skirt, CBS Pittsburgh said.

Flynn faces numerous charges, including aggravated assault, 
indecent assault and escape, reports say.
---------
In Europe they have "sharking", where teens pull down the 
shorts of other teens and run, while a cohort records 
"Candid Camera". However, with sharking, there is absolutely 
NO groping. Sharking is not considered a sexual thing, but a
matter of embarrassing or inconveniencing a class mate,
especially if he or she has both hands full with shopping 
or books. There too, the shark occasionally gets clobbered.


The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Frieda
Re: Empty subject mails

Dear Webby
What's the story with mails that arrive without a subject
line? Years ago you showed me how to make a filter to dump
them with Mailwasher,
and that works fine on my work machine, but I am wondering
if I also need that on my home machine. So far I just dumped
those mails manually.
Frieda

Dear 
Dear Frieda
"No Subject=No Intelligence" still holds true. You'll never
see anything intelligent in an email that arrives without a
subject, and you can use that filter as an IQ filter.
If the senders don't have a positive IQ number, their mail
won't waste your time.

For those who want to know how to make that IQ filter,
select "does not contain RegExpr"
and put \w into the value field.

The \w is a wildcard and stands for "any word character".
That filter is kinda sneaky. If the subject line has only
Chinese, Korean or Arab characters, then that mail gets
marked for dumping too, since I won't read it anyway.

Don't you pity the poor folks who don't have Mailwasher yet?

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Saving Money on Tea
You can save money on tea by using the same tea bag
twice. Just set the tea bag aside and use it for your next
cup. It cuts the cost of your tea drinking habit in half.

http:// thriftyfun.com




Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


A man goes to a doctor for a physical checkup.  The nurse starts
with certain basic information and asks, "How much do you weigh?"

"One-seventy," the man replies.

The nurse asks him to step on the scale and it shows that his
weight is actually 183.  The nurse asks, "Your height?"

"Five-eleven," the man answered confidently.

The nurse measures and sees that he's only 5' 8".
Then she takes his blood pressure, and it is very high.

The man says, "Of course it's high!  When I came in here,
I was tall and slender.  Now, suddenly I'm short and dumpy!"


"I'd like the number for Mary Jones in Phoenix, Arizona,"
the young man said to the 411 operator.

"There are multiple listings for Mary Jones in Phoenix, Arizona,"
the operator said.  "Do you have a street name?"

The young man hesitated a moment, then said,
"Well, most people just call me Turkey."





» All Babies r Beautiful




Today in 
1609 English explorer Henry Hudson sailed up what is now 
 known as the Hudson River. 
1873 The first practical typewriter was sold to customers. 
1914 The first battle of Marne ended when the allied forces 
 stopped the German offensive in France. 
1916 Adelina and August Van Buren finished the first 
 successful transcontinental motorcycle tour to be attempted 
 by two women. They started in New York City on July 5, 1916. 
1918 During World War I, At the Battle of St. Mihiel, U.S. 
 Army personnel operate tanks for the first time. The tanks 
 were French-built. 
1922 The Episcopal Church removed the word "Obey" from the 
 bride's section of wedding vows. 
1938 In a speech, Adolf Hitler demanded self-determination 
 for the Sudeten Germans in Czechoslovakia. 
1940 The Lascaux paintings were discovered in France. The 
 cave paintings were 17,000 years old and were some of the 
 best examples of art from the Paleolithic period. 
1943 During World War II, Benito Mussolini was taken by 
 German paratroopers from the Italian government that was 
 holding him. 
1944 U.S. Army troops entered Germany, near Trier, for the 
 first time during World War II. 
1953 U.S. Senator John F. Kennedy married Jacqueline Lee Bouvier. 
1953 Nikita Krushchev was elected as the first secretary of 
 the Communist Party of the Soviet Union. 
1954 "Lassie" made its television debut on CBS. The last 
 show aired on September 12, 1971. 
1963 The last episode of "Leave it to Beaver" was aired. The 
 show had debuted on October 4, 1957. 
1966 "Family Affair" premiered on CBS television. 
1974 Violence occurred on the opening day of classes in 
 Boston, MA, due opposition to court-ordered school "busing." 
1974 Emperor Haile Selassie was taken out of power by Ethiopia's 
 military after ruling for 58 years. 
1977 South African anti-apartheid activist Stephen Biko 
 died at the age of 30. The student leader died while in 
 police custody which triggered an international outcry. 
1983 Arnold Schwarzenegger became a U.S. citizen. He had 
 emigrated from Austria 14 years earlier. 
1992 Police in Peru captured Shining Path founder Abimael 
 Guzman. 
2009 Steve Jobs announced that Apple's iTunes had 88% of 
 the legal U.S. music download market.
s2014  smiled.

Good Morning,  !

Thank you, Gloria!

Today is Thurday,  September 11

Remember 9/11/2001
What were you doing, when you got the news?

We got a foot of heavy, wet snow overnight. The leaves are
still on the trees, so a lot of trees lost major branches 
or broke in half. Power lines w ere out until just a fter 
noon.

People were picking their way around tree parts on the road,
glancing suspiciously at still standing trees and planning
an escape route in case one of them decided to split or dump
snow. "Mahry Grimmace!" "So much fer Gullible Warming, eh!"
"Have not noticed any of that Gullible Warming. That is an
icy North wind!" "Where did all that @#%$&* snow come from? 
It's still summer!" 

Nobody seemed to be happy about the snow. Yesterday's two 
inches were shrugged off, but A FOOT last night, with trees
down and power off, that just caused cussing. 
Maybe we should not have gotten rid of the 70's muscle cars?

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida Woman, who pointed a gun at lawn 
worker over noise
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
From the History section at the bottom:
2001 Terrorists attacked with 4 passenger jets.
2012 Five Americans were killed and ten others were injured
 in the U.S. consulate in Benghazi, Libya. 
 . 




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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
--- Voltaire (1694 - 1778) 


A sales clerk asked his boss how to handle people who
complained about the current prices compared to the low prices in
the good old days.

"Just act surprised and tell them you didn't think that they
were old enough to remember them."


 After booking my 80-year-old grandmother on a flight from
Florida to Nevada, I called the airline to go over her special needs.
The representative listened patiently as I requested a wheelchair
and an attendant for my mother because of her arthritis and
impaired vision to the point of near blindness.

My apprehension lightened a bit when the woman assured me
that everything would be taken care of. I thanked her profusely.

"Oh, you're welcome," she replied. I was about to hang up
when she cheerfully asked, "And will your grandmother need a
rental car?"


Thanks to Clyde for this picture:


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Our beautiful San Juan mountains!

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Gina Briggs, 26, Ormond Beach, Floriduh

Florida Woman Points Gun At Lawn 
Worker Over Noise

A Florida woman disturbed from slumber by routine grass 
maintenance is accused of pulling a pistol on a shocked 
landscaper, WKMG reports.

Gina Briggs, 26, was arrested in Ormond Beach on Monday 
for her alleged overreaction. The victim was removing grass 
clippings from a sidewalk near her apartment at the time.

Carlos Repicio, the victim landscaper, described the 
experience to WFTV.
"I say, 'I got to work here.' She say, 'I don't care. You 
got to get out of here because I'm killing you.' 

And I say, 'What?' And she take the gun out and she point 
to me like that," said Repicio.

Repicio hid behind his truck and called police, who arrived 
and arrested Briggs. The suspect later told police that she 
would have shot Repicio in the head, but, like a lawnmower 
missing a blade, she forgot to load the gun, according to WESH.

Briggs is charged with carrying a concealed firearm and 
aggravated assault. She is being held at the Volusia 
County Jail.


The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Juniper
Re: Disappearing mails

Dear Webby
Lately I noticed that MailWasher will spool down a hundred 
or so mails, but then just show a listing of 15 - 20.
What's the scoop?
Should I be concerned?
Juniper

Dear Juniper
That's just a sign that you are getting good with making
filters. For example, if you made a filter that deletes mails
automatically, if they contain the names of certain
pharmaceuticals or watches or stock in the body of the mail,
then MailWasher will count them, but it won't insult your eyes
with that crap.
Look at the pie chart at the end of the week to  see what
percentage of spam was nuked by different filters.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Homemade Coffee Body Scrub
Do you suffer with dry skin, and lotion itself isn't doing 
the trick? I do and I can't afford to spend lots of $$ on 
scrubs that come in tiny containers. I recently found a 
body scrub online that's made from coffee and oils that I 
wanted to try, but the price is upwards of $30 a bag! I 
decided to take matters into my own hands and make my own.
I've been mixing my used coffee grounds, I like fine ground 
for consistency, and brown sugar together. It is the best 
scrub I've ever used! You can also mix in coconut oil, 
olive oil or whatever you have on hand. I follow up with my 
favorite lotion after I scrub in the shower or bath. It's a 
bit messy, but so worth it! I recommend refrigerating any 
leftovers and using the mixture within a week or so.
By Bethany Curry [3]

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


One day, a housework-challenged husband decided to wash
his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he
shouted to his wife, "What setting do I use on the washing
machine?"
         
"It depends," she replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"

He yelled back, "Texas A & M." 


A second grader came home from school and said to her mother,
"Mom, guess what?  We learned how to make babies today."

The mother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her
cool. "That's interesting," she said, "How do you make
babies?"

"It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i'
and add 'es'."





» September Snows




Today in 
1297 Scotsman William Wallace defeated the English forces 
 of Sir Hugh de Cressingham at the Battle of Stirling Bridge. 
1499 French forces took over Milan, Italy. 
1609 Explorer Henry Hudson sailed into New York harbor and 
 discovered Manhattan Island and the Hudson River.
1695 Imperial troops under Eugene of Savoy defeated the Turks 
 at the Battle of Zenta. 
1709 An Anglo-Dutch-Austrian force defeated the French in 
 the Battle of Malplaquet. 
1714 Spanish and French troops broke into Barcelona and 
 ended Catalonia's sovereignty after 13 months of seige. 
1777 American forces, under General George Washington, were 
 forced to retreat at the Battle of Brandywine Creek by 
 British forces under William Howe. The Stars and Stripes 
 (American flag) were carried for the first time in the battle. 
1814 The U.S. fleet defeated a squadron of British ships in 
 the Battle of Lake Champlain, VT. 
1842 1,400 Mexican troops captured San Antonio, TX. The 
 Mexicans retreated with prisoners. 
1855 The siege of Sevastopol ended when French, British 
 and Piedmontese troops captured the main naval base of 
 the Russian Black fleet in the Crimean War. 
1875 "Professor Tidwissel's Burglar Alarm" was featured 
 in the New York Daily Graphic and became the first comic 
 strip to appear in a newspaper. 
1877 The first comic-character timepiece was patented by 
 the Waterbury Clock Company. 
1883 The mail chute was patented by James Cutler. The new 
 device was first used in the Elwood Building in Rochester, NY. 
1897 A ten-week strike of coal workers in Pennsylvania, WV, 
 and Ohio came to an end. The workers won an eight-hour workday, 
 semi-monthly pay, and company stores were abolished. 
1904 The U.S. battleship Connecticut was launched in New York. 
1910 In Hollywood, the first commercially successful electric 
 bus line opened. 
1936 Hoover Dam in Nevada was dedicated by U.S. President 
 Franklin D. Roosevelt by turning on the dam's first 
 hydroelectric generator.
1941 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt gave orders to 
 attack any German or Italian vessels found in U.S. 
 defensive waters. The U.S. had not officially entered 
 World War II at this time. 
1941 Charles A. Lindbergh brought on charges of anti-Semitism 
 with a speech in which he blamed "the British, the Jewish 
 and the Roosevelt administration" for trying to draw the 
 United States into World War II. 
1952 Dr. Charles Hufnagel successfully replaced a diseased 
 aorta valve with an artificial valve made of plastic. 
1959 The U.S. Congress passed a bill authorizing the creation 
 of food stamps. 
1965 The 1st Cavalry Division (Airmobile) arrived in South 
 Vietnam and was stationed at An Khe. 
1974 "Little House On The Prairie" made its television debut. 
1985 A U.S. satellite passed through the tail of the 
 Giacobini-Zinner comet. It was the first on-the-spot 
 sampling of a comet. 
1990 U.S. President Bush vowed "Saddam Hussein will fail" 
 while addressing Congress on the Persian Gulf crisis. In 
 the speech Bush spoke of an objective of a new world order 
 "freer from the threat of terror, stronger in the pursuit 
 of justice, and more secure in the quest for peace". 
1991 Soviet President Mikhail Gorbachev announced that 
 thousands of troops would be drawn out of Cuba. 
1997 Scotland voted to create its own Parliament after 
 290 years of union with England. 
1998 Independent counsel Kenneth Starr sent a report to 
 the U.S. Congress accusing President Clinton of 11 possible 
 impeachable offenses. 
1999 The Wall Street Journal reported that Bayer Corp. had 
 quit putting a wad of cotton in their bottles of aspirin. 
 Bayer had actually stopped the practice earlier in the year. 
2001 In the U.S., four airliners were hijacked and were 
 intentionally crashed. Two airliners hit the World Trade Center, 
 which collapsed shortly after, in New York City, NY. One 
 airliner hit the Pentagon in Arlington, VA. Another airliner 
 crashed into a field in Pennsylvania. About 3,000 people 
 were killed. 
2012 Terrorists attacked the U.S. consulate in Benghazi, Libya. 
 Four Americans were brutally murdered and ten others were injured. 
s2014  smiled.

Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday,  September 10

Thank you Mildred!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Insanely drunk woman, who tried to pick up child from school
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
From the History section at the bottom:
1953 Swanson began selling its first "TV dinner." 




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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





An honest politician is one who, when he is bought, 
will stay bought.
--- Simon Cameron (1799 - 1889) 

Those who agree with us may not be right, 
but we admire their astuteness.
--- Cullen Hightower


An old lady had always wanted to travel abroad. Now that she
was getting on in years, she thought she would really like to do
so before she died.

But until now, she'd never even been out of the country. So she
began by going in person to the Passport Office and asking
how long it would take to have one issued.

"You must take the loyalty oath first," responded the passport
clerk. "Raise your right hand, please."

The old gal raised her right hand.

"Do you swear to defend the Constitution of the United States
against all its enemies, domestic or foreign?" was the first
question.

The little old lady's face paled and her voice trembled as she
asked in a small voice, "Uhhh . . . all by myself?"


>From Ada
Are you interested in making $$$$ fast?
Here's an incredibly simple way to do it,
and there is nothing to buy,
no investment to make,
no money to lose!
Try it now!


Follow this simple procedure:


1) Hold down the shift key.
2) Hit the 4 key four times really quickly.
----------
Are you going to groan first, or forward it first?




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Fukang Meteorite, with all the organic stuff burned out.

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Renata Congleton, 27, New Port Richey, Floriduh

Insanely drunk woman, 
who tried to pick up child from school

A Florida mom's blood-alcohol level was more than five times 
the legal limit when she drove to an elementary school to 
pick up a child, police say.

Renata Congleton, 27, registered a .413 BAC after she was 
arrested, but not before she allegedly attacked officers and 
smashed up her vehicle, according to WFLA.

The mayhem began when she arrived at Trinity Elementary 
School in New Port Richey Friday afternoon. School officials 
wouldn't let the child -- who was not identified -- leave 
with Congleton because she appeared "extremely drunk," 
Fox Tampa reports. Instead, they called police, but Congleton 
fled before they arrived.

She allegedly careened into two other vehicles on her way 
home. Officers tracked her down a short time later. She's 
accused of kicking and scratching arresting officers before 
they took her to the ground.

She was slapped with charges of child neglect, battery on 
an officer, and resisting arrest. Bond was set at $15,000.


The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Edith
Re: What formats can Open Office write in?

Dear Webby
You mentioned that Open Office can save in many formats.
I have an old MS WORD from before Y2K. Can it read 
docs written with that? And save them in a modern format?
Thanks
Edith

Dear Edith
Yes, sure, no problem.

You can easily pick up docs written with WORD 95, and save 
them in that format or for example in .RTF, as favored by 
the newest WORD.
Or any other version of WORD.

You can, of course, also save in Open Office Document format
to make it readable on any machine, 
or even in Uniform Office Format for use in China.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Cleaning a Keyboard with Microfiber Cloth
I recently noticed how dirty one of our computer keyboards 
had become. I tried a baby wipe and it didn't work. I wasn't 
sure how to clean the keys until my mom suggested trying a 
damp microfiber. It worked like magic and it was quick too!
Unplug the keyboard. Then slightly dampen a microfiber cloth 
and gently rub each key until it is clean. Make sure the 
keyboard is completely dry before you plug it back in and 
use it.
By lalala... [485]
MF cloth is OK for the top surface,
but proper cleaning takes a totally different approach.
There are different methods for laptops and regular keyboards.
Laptops: Turn the laptop off. Turn it upside down and rub
your flat hand over all the keys to see if any are loose and 
ready to fall off. If none are loose, vacuum the keyboard
thoroughly. While still upside down, wash it while wearing 
one of those deep pile fuzzy car washing mitts dipped in
warm, soapy dishwater. Use a good dish soap that drips clear 
on glasses. Let it drip dry while you do the next keyboard.
Finally, vacuum them again and they are CLEAN.
If the laptops are in a hospital or sick room environment, 
do exactly the same, but add a shot of Lysol to the dish water.

Regular Keyboards Slam it upside down onto a sturdy 
table covered with tarp. No need to be gentle. Today's 
keyboards are incredibly tough. Slam it again until all the 
bread crumbs, french fries, onion rings, donut fragments and
fossilized jam have been dropped out.
Support the keyboard ends with the keyboard upside down.
Shelf brackets are ideal, but anything two hands high will 
work. 
Vacuum the upside down keyboard.
Get your wet and soapy fuzzy glove, and rub the keyboard.

Again, no need to be gentle! Rub it hard so that the fuzz
goes in deep between the keys.
Let it drip dry, and vacuum it a bit. Most of today's 
keyboards are spill proof and a bit of dish soap does not
bother them.

For hospital or sick room environments, add a shot of Lysol
to the soapy dishwater.

If there were no breadcrumbs, hair, dandruff and dirt involved,
you could skip the vacuuming, and just hold the keyboard upside 
down and rub it with the mitt. 
I have cleaned keyboards since the mid-80's and I would highly
recommend to vacuum the keyboards as a very important part of
the cleaning.

Just wiping the nose with microfiber is not enough.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


On their way to a justice of the peace to get married, a couple
had a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting
outside Heaven's Gate waiting on St. Peter to do an intake. While
waiting, they wondered if they could possibly get married in
Heaven.

Saint Peter finally showed up and they asked him.

Peter said, "I don't know, this is the first time anyone has
asked. Let me go find out." and he left. The couple sat and waited
for an answer ... for two months ... and they began to wonder if
they really should get married in Heaven, what with the eternal
aspect of it all.

"What if it doesn't work?" they wondered, "Are we stuck together
forever?"

Peter returned after yet another month, looking somewhat
bedraggled. "Yes," he informed the couple, "you can get married in
Heaven."

"Great," said the couple, "but what if things don't work out?
Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced,
slammed his clipboard onto the ground.

"What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.

"COME ON!" Peter shouted, "it took me three months to find a
priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it will take me to
find two lawyers and a judge?"


Ann Landers challenged her readers to come up with the
world's third-biggest lie -- 
right after "The check is in the mail" and
"I'm from the government and I'm here to help you." 
Here is a sampling from the thousands she received:

- "It's a good thing you came in today. We only have two
more in stock."
- "Five pounds is nothing on a person of your height."
- "You made it yourself? I never would have guessed."
- "Of course I'll respect you in the morning."
- "You don't look a day over 40."
- "Dad, I need to move out of the dorm into an apartment of
my own so I can have some peace and quiet when I study."
- "It's delicious, but I can't eat another bite."
- "The new ownership won't affect you. The company will
remain the same."
- "The puppy won't be any trouble, Mom. I promise I'll take
care of it myself."
- "Your hair looks just fine."
- "Put away the map. I know exactly how to get there."
- "You don't need it in writing. You have my personal
guarantee."





» Tribute to Canada




Today in 
1608 John Smith was elected president of the Jamestown, VA 
 colony council. 
1813 The first defeat of British naval squadron occurred in 
 the Battle of Lake Erie during the War of 1812. The leader 
 of the U.S. fleet sent the famous message "We have met the 
 enemy, and they are ours" to U.S. General William Henry 
 Harrison. 
1845 King Willem II opened Amsterdam Stock exchange. 
1846 Elias Howe received a patent for his sewing machine. 
1862 Rabbi Jacob Frankel became the first Jewish Army chaplain. 
1897 British police arrest George Smith for drunken driving. 
 It was the first DWI. 
1899 A second quake in seven days hit Yakutat Bay, AK. It 
 measured 8.6. 
1913 The Lincoln Highway opened. It was the first paved 
 coast-to-coast highway in the U.S. 
1919 New York City welcomed home 25,000 soldiers and General 
 John J. Pershing who had served in the First Division 
 during World War I. 
1919 Austria and the Allies signed the Treaty of 
 St.-Germain-en-Laye. Austria recognized the independence 
 of Poland, Hungary, Czechoslovakia and Yugoslavia. 
1921 The Ayus Autobahn in Germany opened near Berlin. 
 The road is known for its nonexistent speed limit. 
1923 The Irish Free state joined the League of Nations. 
1926 Germany joined the League of Nations. 
1935 "Popeye" was heard on NBC radio for the first time. 
1939 Canada declared war on Germany. 
1940 In Britain, Buckingham Palace was hit by German bomb. 
1942 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt mandated gasoline 
 rationing as part of the U.S. wartime effort. 
1943 German forces began their occupation of Rome during 
 World War II. 
1948 Mildred "Axis Sally" Gillars was indicted for treason 
 in Washington, DC. Gillars was a Nazi radio propagandist 
 during World War II. She was convicted and spent 12 years 
 in prison. 
1951 Britain began an economic boycott of Iran. 
1953 Swanson began selling its first "TV dinner." 
1955 "Gunsmoke" premiered on CBS. 
1956 Great Britain performed a nuclear test at Maralinga, Australia. 
1963 Twenty black students entered public schools in Alabama 
 at the end of a standoff between federal authorities and 
 Alabama governor George C. Wallace. 
1979 U.S. President Carter granted clemency to four Puerto 
 Rican nationalists who had been imprisoned for an attack 
 on the U.S. House of Representatives in 1954 and an 
 attempted assassination of U.S. President Truman in 1950. 
1981 Pablo Picasso's mural Guernica was received in the 
 town of Guernica. 
1984 The Federal Communications Commission changed a rule 
 to allow broadcasters to own 12 AM and 12 FM radio stations. 
 The previous limit was 7 of each. 
1989 Hungary gave permission to thousands of East German 
 refugees and visitors to immigrate to West Germany. 
1990 Iran agreed to resume full diplomatic ties with past 
 enemy Iraq. 
1990 Iraq's Saddam Hussein offered free oil to developing 
 nations in an attempt to win their support during the 
 Gulf War Crisis. 
1998 U.S. President Clinton met with members of his 
 Cabinet to apologize, ask forgiveness and promise to 
 improve as a person in the wake of the scandal 
 involving Monica Lewinsky. 
1999 A bronze sculpture of a war horse just over 24 feet 
 high was dedicated in Milan, Italy. 
2002 Florida tested its new elections system. The test 
 resulted in polling stations opening late and problems 
 occurred with the touch screen voting machines. 
2002 The "September 11: Bearing Witness to History" exhibit 
 opened at the Smithsonian's National Museum of American History. 
2002 Switzerland became the 190th member of the United Nations. 
2014  smiled.

Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday,  September 9
It's a good thing I mowed the front half on Saturday
and the back half on Sunday. I had a feeling it was 
the last mowing of the season, because I had to refill
the gas can. Sure enough, today it snowed. 
We will get warm days again, but summer is over.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Pennsylvania DUI, who let an 8-year-old steer his car.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
From the History section at the bottom:
1983 The Soviet Union announced that the Korean jetliner 
 that they shot down on September 1, 1983 was not an accident 
 or an error. 




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





First secure an independent income, then practice virtue.
--- Greek Proverb

Traditions are group efforts to keep the 
 unexpected from happening.
--- Barbara Tober

Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency
they're going to catch you in next.
--- Franklin P. Jones


A young couple got married and went on their
honeymoon. When they got back, the bride
immediately called her mother.

"Well,"said her mother,"so how was the
honeymoon?"

Oh, mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was
wonderful! So romantic..."
Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama,
as soon as we returned, Sam started using
the most horrible language -- things I'd never
heard before!I mean, all these awful 4-letter
words! You've got to take me home...,
"PLEASE MAMA!"

"Sarah, Sarah," her mother said, "calm down!
You need to stay with your husband and work
this out. Now, tell me,
what could be so awful
WHAT 4-letter words?"

"Please don't make me tell you, mama," wept the
daughter, "I'm so embarrassed, they're just too
awful! COME GET ME, PLEASE!!"

"Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset.
Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!"

Sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, Mama..., he used words
like: dust, wash, iron, and cook..."

"I'll pick you up in twenty minutes and we'll go talk
to the rabbi," said the mother.


Three small boys were bragging about their fathers.  The first
boasted that his dad owned a farm.  The second said his dad
owned a factory.  The third boy, a pastors son, replied:
"That's nothin'.  My dad owns hell."

"No way," another boy scoffed.  "How can a man own hell?"

"Sure he can," the preacher's son said.  "My mom told my
grandma that them elders of our church gave it to him last
night."




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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Moeed Malik, 24, Hartford, CT


Yamilet Mattei, 18, Holyoke, Massachusetts

Stiffed hooker hooks hookahs

SEPTEMBER 5--When a john refused to pay for a sexual encounter 
in a back room of a Connecticut smoke shop, a hooker stole 
three hookahs on her way out of the business, cops allege.

According to a West Hartford Police Department report, Moeed 
Malik, 24, arranged last Thursday afternoon for a sexual 
liaison with Yamilet Mattei, 18, who advertised her services 
on backpage.com, the classifieds site preferred by prostitutes 
and pimps everywhere. In the ad, Mattei called herself “Barbie.”

Malik, cops say, declined to pay Mattei in advance, but 
promised to give her cash and a hookah after completion of the 
sex act (which subsequently took place in the rear of the 
Smokers' Discount World store, which is located in a West 
Hartford shopping plaza).

But upon completion of the sex act, Malik, who works at the 
smoke shop, refused to pay Mattei, as first reported by the 
Hartford Courant. An argument between the parties ensued 
and Mattei took three hookahs off a store shelf and departed 
the business with a female friend, Danielle Santos, who had 
driven her to the business.

In a move he now likely regrets, Malik called 911 to report 
the hookah theft.

Police responded to the business and interviewed Malik and 
Mattei, who "freely admitted that she took the hookahs from 
Smoker's Discount World because Malik was refusing to 
compensate her as agreed upon.” 

Mattei, the report notes, “stated that she took three hookahs 
off of the rack as compensation for the ‘blow job.’”

For his part, Malik was “verbally confrontational” and could 
not stick to a single story, police noted. He claimed to have 
hired Mattei as a “favor” for an uncle who never showed up 
at the shop.

Mattei told officers that Malik described himself as a “good 
looking guy” and asked how much she charged for oral sex. He 
then inquired about the price for “bare back” sex. Later, 
while being fellated, Malik told Mattei that he “always wanted” 
to get “deep throat [from] a Puerto Rican.”

In light of Mattei’s admission, she was charged with 
prostitution and larceny. Malik was busted for patronizing a 
prostitute and reporting a false incident. Santos was charged 
with criminal mischief (for breaking Malik’s iPhone) and pot 
possession. 

Mr Malik’s rap sheet includes several prior arrests, including a 
March collar for drug sales, possession of marijuana and drug 
paraphernalia, and interfering with police.

Police recovered one of the purloined hookahs in front of the 
store, while the two others were found inside a Dodge Charger 
rented by Santos.

“All three hookahs were returned to the custody of Smoker’s 
Discount World,” according to the police report. 

Police charged Malik with patronizing a prostitute and falsely 
reporting an incident. He posted $2,500 bail and is due in 
Superior Court in Hartford Sept. 11.

Mattei was charged with prostitution and sixth-degree larceny. 
She was released without having to post bail and is also 
due in court Sept. 11. 


The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Don
Re: Quicken 2005 OK on Win7

Dear Webby
Regarding your response on Quicken today.
I have Quicken 2003 and it still works fine on my 
WIndows 7 Acer computer.
 
Don Baker

Thanks Don!
I thought so too. 
It's just Quicken 2014 sandbagging XP.
Didn't Microsoft buy Quicken a few years ago?

Have FUN!
DearWebby




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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Clean Dry Erase Board with Nail Polish Remover
I use fingernail polish remover to clean the dry erase 
board. Works like a charm, and gets all old ink off 
immediately.
By Rita H.

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


The mother of three notoriously unruly youngsters was asked
whether or not she'd have children if she had it to do over
again.

"Sure," she replied, "but not the same ones."


A teacher was giving a lesson on the blood circulation.


"If I stood on my head, then the blood, as you know, would
flow into my head and I would turn red in the face," she
explained.

"That's right," remarked one of the students.

"Then why doesn't the blood flow into my feet when I'm
standing upright in an ordinary position?"

 shouted, "That's because your feet are not empty!"





» Tribute to Canada




Today in 
490 B.C. The Battle of Marathon took place between the 
 invading Persian army and the Athenian Army. The marathon 
 race was derived from the events that occurred surrounding 
 this battle. 
1776 The second Continental Congress officially made the term 
 "United States", replacing the previous term "United Colonies." 
1904 Mounted police were used for the first time in the 
 City of New York. 
1911 Italy declared war on the Ottoman Turks and annexed Libya, 
 Tripolitania, and Cyrenaica in North Africa. 
1919 The majority of Boston's police force went on strike. 
 The force was made up of 1,500 men. 
1919 Alexander Graham Bell and Casey Baldwin's HD-4, a 
 hydrofoil craft, set a world marine speed record. 
1942 Japan dropped incendiaries over US in an attempt to 
 set fire to the forests in Oregon and Washington. The 
 forest did not ignite. 
1943 During World War II Allied forces landed at Taranto 
 and Salerno. 
1948 North Korea became the People's Democratic Republic 
 of Korea. 
1965 French President Charles de Gaulle announced that France 
 was withdrawing from NATO to protest the domination of the 
 U.S. in the organization. 
1971 Gordie Howe of the Detroit Red Wings retired from the 
 National Hockey League (NHL). 
1981 Nicaragua declared a state of economic emergency and 
 banned strikes. 
1983 The Soviet Union announced that the Korean jetliner 
 that they shot down on September 1, 1983 was not an accident 
 or an error. 
1986 Frank Reed was taken hostage in Lebanon by pro-Iranian 
 kidnappers. The director of a private school in Lebanon 
 was released 44 months later. 
1993 Israeli and PLO leaders agreed to recognize each other. 
1994 The U.S. agreed to accept about 20,000 Cuban immigrants 
 a year. This was in return for Cuba's promise to halt the 
 flight of refugees. 
1997 Sinn Fein, the IRA's political ally, formally renounced 
 violence as it took its place in talks on Northern Ireland's 
 future. 
1998 Independent Counsel Kenneth Starr delivered to the U.S. 
 Congress 36 boxes of material concerning his investigation 
 of U.S. President Clinton. 
1998 Four tourists who had paid $32,500 each were taken in 
 submarine to view the wreckage of the Titanic. The ship is 
 2 miles below the Atlantic off Newfoundland. 
1999 The Sega Dreamcast game system went on sale. By 1:00pm 
 all Toys R Us locations in the U.S. had sold out. 
2008 The iTunes Music Store reached 100 million applications 
 downloaded. 
2009 The iTunes Music Store reached 1.8 billion applications 
 downloaded.
2014  smiled.

Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday,  September 8

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Pennsylvania DUI, who let an 8-year-old steer his car.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
From the History section at the bottom:
1974 U.S. President Ford granted an unconditional pardon 
 to former U.S. President Nixon. 




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Believe those who are seeking the truth. 
Doubt those who find it.
--- Andre Gide (1869 - 1951) 


A classic from the Clinton era brought back by Noella:
People often ask for a simple explanation of "Marketing". 
Well, here it is.

You're a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You 
go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed."
That's Direct Marketing.

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome 
guy. One of your friends goes up to him and, pointing at you, 
says, "She's fantastic in bed."
That's Advertising.

You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his 
telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm 
fantastic in bed."
That's Telemarketing.

You see a guy at a party; you straighten your dress. You walk 
up to him and pour him a drink. You say, "May I?" and reach 
up to straighten his tie, brushing your breast against his arm, 
and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed."
That's Public Relations.

You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you 
and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed."
That's Brand Recognition.

You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He fancies you, 
but you talk him into going home with your friend.
That's a Sales Rep.

Your friend can't satisfy him so she calls you.
That's Tech Support.

You're on your way to a party when you realize that 
there could be handsome men in all these houses you're 
passing, so you climb onto the roof of one situated towards 
the center and shout at the top of your lungs, 
"I'm fantastic in bed!"
That's Facebook.

You're at a party. This attractive older man walks up to 
you and grabs your behind.
That's former President Bill Clinton.

You like it, but twenty years later your attorney decides 
you were offended and you're awarded a settlement.
That's America.


At the beginning of a children's sermon, one girl came up to
the altar wearing a beautiful dress.  As the children were
sitting down around the pastor, the pastor leaned over and
said to the girl, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it 
your Sunday dress?"

The girl replied almost directly into the pastor's 
clip-on mike, "Yes .  .  and my mom says it's a 
sumanabitch to iron."




Click through for the large picture

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Clarence W. Hairston, 58, of Upper Darby, Pennsylvania

DUI, Letting 8-Year-Old Steer Car

If you're going to drink, don't pick a designated driver 
who can't get his learner's permit until 2022.

A Pennsylvania DUI suspect is parked in a jail cell for 
letting his 8-year-old nephew steer the car.

Clarence W. Hairston, 58, of Upper Darby, Pennsylvania, 
was arrested Saturday afternoon after a police officer 
noticed a car being driven erratically.

“The vehicle had stopped in the middle of the road and then 
was accelerating and braking. When it turned the corner onto 
Littlecroft, it struck a parked car," Delaware County Police 
Superintendent Michael Chitwood told the Delco Times.

When the officer walked over to the stalled car, he saw a man 
later identified as Hairston sitting in the driver’s seat holding 
a 25-ounce can of beer.

Oh, and something else.
"There was an 8-year-old boy on his lap steering the vehicle 
and another boy, a 9-year-old, in the back seat jumping around," 
Chitwood said. "When the car finally stopped, the little boys 
got out and the driver gets out with the can of beer 
in his hand.”

The officer said Hairston allegedly fell twice while trying 
to get out of the car and claimed there was another empty 
25-ounce Bud Ice can in the center console.

After Hairston got out of the car, he allegedly continued 
drinking according to a police affidavit that alleged he 
was “unsteady on his feet,” had blood shot eyes, “slurred 
speech” and “stunk of an alcoholic beverage.”

Hairston told the officer he "did nothing wrong” and “was 
only letting the kids go for a drive,” CBS Philly reports. 
He also claimed to be a Philadelphia cop and told the 
officer that “it’s not right to jam up another cop.”

Police arrested Hairston and took him to a local hospital 
where he refused to take a Breathalyzer test. He was 
charged with driving under the influence, endangering the 
welfare of a child, reckless endangerment, permitting an 
unauthorized person to drive a car, and related crimes.

Chitwood didn't mince words about his opinion of the suspect.
"The guy is a total moron, it's the best way to describe him," 
he told 6ABC.com, adding that the neighborhood kids and cops 
have taken to calling the suspect "Uncle Drunk."

Hairston is being held in the Delaware County jail on 
$15,000 bail


The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Bill
Re: Quicken 2005 on Win7?

Dear Webby
Unfortunately, I am forced to upgrade to Windows 7 
because my Quicken 2005 has stopped working. 
Is there any other way to avoid the upgrade and still 
use Quicken 2005? Quicken 2014 is incompatible with 
my data.

I looked at the Eudora D/L site and it says 
Runs on Microsoft Windows XP/2000. Will it work 
on Windows 7?

Should I get 30 or 60 bit Windows 7?

Thanks for all your help.

Bill

Dear Bill
Have you tried exporting your data to Excel or CSV, 
uninstall  Q2005, re-installing it and then importing 
the saved data?

As I have mentioned, after 2500 updates since they released 
it, Windows 7 is now quite OK. Nothing to be worried or 
concerned over any more.

Industry and commerce still won't switch, because their 
programs work fine with XP.

There is no real, legitimate reason why you shouldn't be 
able to still use Quicken 1995, but they have always put 
land mines in, forcing users to buy new versions every 
few years.

Personally, if I were you, I would  try to install Q2005 
onto a Windows7 machine and see if it works. Most likely
it will. There has not been any change to databases since
2000.

Eudora works just fine on Windows7. 
Download 6.2.5, install it, and copy over all your files 
from the Eudora directory. It will work and look just like 
on the old machines.

I doubt that they still make 32 bit Windows 7. If anybody 
tries to sell one, it probably has an inch of dust on it. 
Get the current 64 bit version.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Using Shampoo and Conditioner as Body Wash
Save the soap, people! Don't buy another bar of soap or 
container of liquid soap. I have found that the cheapest 
WalMart brand hair shampoo and conditioner combination 
work well.
This is what I have experienced: While taking a shower, I 
start off using the shampoo/conditioner on my hair first. 
Then I rinse it off and rewash, only I don't rinse it out. 
I just continue with the shower and my loofah all soaped 
up with the shampoo. Rinse off top to bottom. You're soft 
and clean.
By Judy T. from AZ

I have been using that method for dozens of years. I use a 
pump action dispenser on a large family size bottle of 
shampoo/conditioner. Sometimes I just transfer the pumper 
onto a new large "refill" bottle. Occasionally those are 
even cheaper than those with pumpers. 
Have FUN!
DearWebby

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


The young man entered the Ice Cream Palace and asked,
"What kinds of ice cream do you have?"

"Vanilla, chocolate, strawberry," the girl wheezed as she
spoke, patted her chest and seemed unable to continue.

"You got laryngitis?" the young man asked sympathetically.

"Nope," she whispered,"just vanilla, chocolate and strawberry."


There was this party in the woods and all of a sudden there 
was a downpour of thunder and rain.

These two young men ran for about 10 minutes in the pouring 
rain, finally reaching their car. 
They jumped in the car, started it up and punched the gas, 
laughing and, of course, still drinking one beer after 
the other.

All of a sudden an old man's face appeared in the passenger
window and tapped lightly on the window!

The passenger screamed out, "eeeeekkk! Look at my window!!!
There's an old guy's face there!" (Was this a ghost?!?!?!?)

This old man kept knocking, so the driver said "well open the
window a little and ask him what he wants!"

So the other passenger rolled his window down part way and
said, scared out of his wits, "What do you want???"

The old man sofly replied, "Do you have any tobacco?"

The passenger , terrified, looked at the driver and said,
"He wants tobacco!"
"Well give him a cigarette! HURRY!!" the driver replies.

So he fumbles around with the pack and hands the old man a
cigarette and yells "Step on it!!",
rolling up the window in terror. 

Now with the speedometer showing  about 80 miles an hour, 
they calm down and they start laughing again, and the 
passenger says, "What do you think of that?"

The driver says, "I don't know? How could that be? I am 
going pretty damn fast!" 

Then all of a sudden AGAIN there is a knock on the window 
and there is the old man again.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa, there he is again!", the passenger screams.
"Well, see what he wants now!" yells back the driver.

He rolls down the window a little ways and shakely says
"Yes?"

"Do you have a light?" the old man quietly asks.
He throws a lighter out the window at him and rolls
up the window and yells, "STEP ON IT!"

They are now doing about 100 miles an hour and still
guzzling beer, trying to forget what they had just seen
and heard, when all of a sudden again there is more
knocking!

"Oh my God! HE'S BACK!"
He rolls down the window and screams out in sheer terror,
"WHAT DO YOU WANT?"

The old man gently replies, "Do you guys want some help
getting out of the mud???"





» Tribute to Canada




Today in 
1565 A Spanish expedition established the first permanent 
 European settlement in North America at present-day 
 St. Augustine, FL. 
1664 The Dutch surrendered New Amsterdam to the British, 
 who then renamed it New York. 
1866 The first recorded birth of sextuplets took place in 
 Chicago, IL. The parents were James and Jennie Bushnell. 
1893 In New Zealand, the Electoral Act 1893 was passed by 
 the Legislative Council. It was consented by the governor 
 on September 19 giving all women in New Zealand the right 
 to vote. 
1935 U.S. Senator Huey P. Long, "The Kingfish" of Louisiana 
 politics, was shot and mortally wounded.
1945 In Washington, DC, a bus equipped with a two-way radio 
 was put into service for the first time. 
1945 Bess Myerson of New York was crowned Miss America. She 
 was the first Jewish contestant to win the title. 
1951 A peace treaty with Japan was signed by 48 other nations 
 in San Francisco, CA. 
1952 The Ernest Hemingway novel "The Old Man and the Sea" 
 was published. 
1960 NASA's Marshall Space Flight Center in Huntsville, AL, 
 was dedicated by U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower. The 
 facility had been activated in July earlier that year. 
1966 NBC-TV aired the first episode of "Star Trek" entitled 
 "The Man Trap". The show was canceled on September 2, 1969. 
1973 Hank Aaron hit his 709th home run. 
1974 U.S. President Ford granted an unconditional pardon 
 to former U.S. President Nixon. 
1975 In Boston, MA, public schools began their court-ordered 
 citywide busing program amid scattered incidents of violence. 
1997 America Online acquired CompuServe. 
1999 Russia's Mission Control switched off the Mir space 
 station's central computer and other systems to save energy 
 during a planned six months of unmanned flights. 
2014  smiled.

Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday,  September 7

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Thief chased by police chase, who got 
sidetracked by adorable cats
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
From the History section at the bottom:
1927 Philo T. Farnsworth succeeded in transmitting an image 
 through purely electronic means by using an image dissector. 




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A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic.
--- Joseph Stalin (1879 - 1953)

Now we sit through Shakespeare 
in order to recognize the quotations.
--- Orson Welles (1915 - 1985)

It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
--- Aristotle (384 BC - 322 BC)

The power of accurate observation is commonly 
called cynicism by those who have not got it.
--- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)


This is a true story that happened to one of my sister's
goofy friends.  It happened on I-75 in the northern lower
peninsula of Michigan ( notorious for frequent tickets for
speeding ).

The friend was speeding north on I-75 when she noticed a
Michigan State Police car behind her with it's flashing red
lights on.  The friend was very nervous, as she had never
been stopped before and didn't know what to expect.

The trooper approached her car then asked if she knew why he
had stopped her.  She said, " Oh, I bet I know why you stopped
me.  You want to sell me tickets to the policeman's ball."

The trooper then told the friend that "Michigan State Police don't
have balls."

The friend started laughing uncontrollably.  The troopers face
turned bright red.  He then proceeded to get back into his car
and drove away. 


Following are a few gems taken from actual resumes:   

"Personal: I'm married with 9 children. I don't require pre-   
scription drugs.   

"I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don't   
let them know of my immediate availability."   

"Qualifications: I am a man filled with passion and integrity,   
and I can act on short notice. I'm a class act and do not come   
cheap."   

"Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'.   
I have never quit a job."   

"Number of dependents: 40."   

"Marital Status: Often. Children: Various."   

"Here are my qualifications for you to overlook."   

REASONS FOR LEAVING THE LAST JOB: "Responsibility 
makes me nervous."   

"They insisted that all employees get to work by 
8:45 every morning. Couldn't work under those 
conditions."   

JOB RESPONSIBILITIES:   
"While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment, I   
am decidedly disposed that it be so oriented as to at least   
partially incorporate the experience enjoyed heretofore and   
that it be configured so as to ultimately lead to the ap-   
plication of more rarefied facets of financial management as   
the major sphere of responsibility."   

"I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award."   

"My goal is to be a meteorologist. Since I have no 
training in meteorology, I suppose I should try 
stock brokerage."   

"I procrastinate - especially when the task is 
unpleasant."   

PHYSICAL DISABILITIES:   
"Minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep."  


Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture:


Click through for the large picture

just came back from my walk and took this from the patio.

Mikel lives in Hillsboro Beach FL

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Daniel Pinedo Velapatino. 21, Delray Beach, Florida

Thief chased by police chase got 
sidetracked by adorable cats

Daniel Pinedo-Velapatino in a booking photo.
Cats will do anything to ruin your day.
Last week, they ruined 21-year-old Daniel Pinedo 
Velapatino's day. The suspect had just talked his way into 
a woman's home in Boca Raton, Florida, after leading police 
on a wild chase from Delray Beach. He might have gotten away 
with it, too, if it weren't for those meddling, cute, fuzzy 
wuzzy cats lying around.

The homeowner, Candace Noonan, thought Velapatino was a 
landscaper. He knocked on her door last Tuesday to ask for 
a drink.

"I said, ’Excuse me, can I help you?'" Noonan told WPBF. 
"He said, 'Oh, I’m so sorry. Next door, I’m mowing the lawn. 
Do you mind if I have a glass of water?'"

Noonan obliged, unaware that Velapatino had allegedly 
consumed drugs the night before, stole thousands of dollars 
from a buddy, and then smashed into a bunch of cars as he ran 
from police toward her home.

When she returned with the water, Velapatino was lying on 
her floor, playing with her cats.

"It was odd, very odd," she said. "He was stroking my cat. It 
almost looked like he either was on drugs or he was mentally 
handicapped."

When Noonan's husband began questioning Velpatino, he fled 
out the back door. The Noonans led police to him, and he 
allegedly attempted to jump in a nearby canal -- but a 
police boat caught up to him.

The Palm Beach Post reports:

During the early morning hours on Tuesday, Daniel Pinedo 
Velapatino managed to take thousands of dollars from his 
friend, steal a car, have two police agencies chase him 
on water and land, damage a police cruiser and burglarize 
a couple’s home, according to police.

But the 21-year-old said he had a reason: He told police 
he stole the money to pay his mom back [$2,000].
Velapatino was already wanted for a car theft in June. He 
had been arrested on drug charges before, but wasn't 
convicted. Now he faces grand theft, eluding police, 
possession of drugs and other charges. He remains in the 
Palm Beach County Jail on $76,000 bail.


The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: CyberGrannie
Re: Computer locked by PREY

Dear Webby
Hi - your news letter is certainly a "keeper" .
 
My daughter went on a trip and decided to download a program 
to protect her laptop. The program is called "Prey" and 
somehow she apparently did something that locked her 
computer and she now can find no way to unlock it.
 
She has tried everything that appears on their web site but 
nothing works. There seems to be a lot of frustrated people 
with the same problem and emails to their support do not 
get answered.
 
She only get a windows 7 logo and no way to get to anything 
on her computer - same with safe mode. The Prey log-in page 
(on another computer) shows that it is unlocked but there 
is no way to log in.
 
Have you had any experience with anything like this?
Do you have any suggestions - or will she have to restore 
her computer?
Cybergrannie

Dear Cybergrannie
I don't use PREY.
Apparently it locks up the computer if somebody forgets 
the password or is not sober enough to punch it in without 
fumbling. If your daughter fumbled 3 times, PREY decides
that the laptop is on the lap of a thief, and locks it up.

The solution is to get in there with a Linux boot disk or
key fob, or restore the machine from a restore disk.
Apparently PREY tells users to burn a restore CD when they
install the program.

That will save the machine, but most likely the data will
be gone.

I don't recommend that program.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Marking Last Roll of TP
This tip came to me when I realized I had loaded the last 
roll of TP on the plunger. I do this so when no one is home, 
or especially when someone is home, no one has to be called 
to help get a roll out of the cupboard.
Sandi

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


A rabbi is walking slowly down the street when a gust of wind 
blows his hat from his head. The hat is being blown down 
the street, but he is an old man, using a cane, and he can't 
walk fast enough to catch the hat. Across the street a young 
man sees what has happened ! and rushes over to grab the hat 
and returns it to the rabbi.

"I don't think I would have been able to catch my hat," says 
the rabbi. "Thank you very much." The rabbi then places his 
hand on the man's shoulder and says, "May God bless you."

The young man thinks to himself, "I've been blessed by the 
rabbi. This must be my lucky day!" So he goes to the 
racetrack, and in the first race he sees there is a horse 
named Stetson at 20 to 1. He bets $50, and sure enough, 
the horse comes in first.

In the second race he sees a horse named Fedora at 30 to 1, 
so he bets it all and this horse comes in first also. 
Finally, at the end of the day, he returns home to his wife. 
When she asks him where he's been, he explains how he caught 
the rabbi's hat and was blessed by him and then went to the 
track and started winning on horses that had a hat in 
their names.

"So where's the money?" she asks.

"I lost it all in the ninth race. I bet on a horse named 
Chateau and it lost."

"You fool, Chateau is a house; Chapeau is a hat!"

"It doesn't matter," he said. "The winner was some 
Japanese horse named Yarmulke."


>From Anamarie
While awaiting the arrival of our "puddle jumper" airplane
for the return flight across Jamaica to the major airport,
I sat wringing my hands and trying to quiet the butterflies
in my stomach in anticipation of the tiny airplane and a
very bumpy flight.

Suddenly, an old fire truck began speeding down the runway,
toward the arriving airplane, with sirens blaring. Frantic now, I
implored the ticket agent to tell me what was happening.
She calmly answered, "Oh they just do that to clear the
chickens off the landing."





» Tribute to Canada




Today in 
1812 Napoleon defeated the Russian army of Alexander I at 
 the battle of Borodino. 
1813 The nickname "Uncle Sam" was first used as a symbolic 
 reference to the United States. The reference appeared 
 in an editorial in the New York's Troy Post. 
1822 Brazil declared its independence from Portugal. 
1880 George Ligowsky was granted a patent for his device 
 that threw clay pigeons for trapshooters. 
1888 Edith Eleanor McLean became the first baby to be 
 placed in an incubator. 
1896 A.H. Whiting won the first automobile race held on a 
 racetrack. The race was held in Cranston, RI. 
1901 The Boxer Rebellion began in China ending the Peace 
 of Beijing. 
1927 Philo T. Farnsworth succeeded in transmitting an image 
 through purely electronic means by using an image dissector. 
1930 The cartoon "Blondie" made its first appearance in the 
 comic strips. 
1940 London received its initial rain of bombs from Nazi 
 Germany during World War II. 
1942 During World War II, the Russian army counter attacked 
 the German troops outside the city of Stalingrad. 
1971 "The Beverly Hillbillies" was seen for the final time 
 on CBS-TV. 
1977 The Panama Canal treaties were signed by U.S. President 
 Carter and General Omar Torrijos Herrera. The treaties 
 called for the U.S. to turn over control of the canal's 
 waterway to Panama in the year 2000. 
1983 In Ireland, voters approved a constitutional ammendment 
 that banned abortion. 
1986 President Augusto Pinochet survived an assassination 
 attempt made by guerrillas. 
1986 Desmond Tutu was the first black to be installed to lead 
 the Anglican Church in southern Africa. 
1987 Erich Honecker became the first East German head of state 
 to visit West Germany. 
1989 Legislation was approved by the U.S. Senate that prohibited 
 discrimination against the handicapped in employment, public 
 accommodations, transportation and communications. 
2014  smiled.

Good Morning,  !

Today is Saturday,  September 6

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Texan who stabbed roommate for being too 
loud during threesome, that did not
involve him.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
From the History section at the bottom:
1948 Queen Juliana of the Netherlands was crowned. 




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Humankind cannot stand very much reality.
--- T. S. Eliot

"The shortest distance between two points 
is under construction."
--- Noelie Altito


A Scotsman was dying. On his deathbed, he looked up and
said: "Is my wife here?"

His wife replies: "Yes, dear, I'm here, next to you."

The Scot goes: "Are my children here?"

"Yes, daddy, we are all here." say the children.

The Scot: "Are my other relatives also here?"

And they say: "Yes, we are all here."

The Scot sits up and roars:
"Then why is the light on in the kitchen?"


While on leave, my Marine buddy and I met two nursing   
students from Southern California. After chatting them up   
awhile, the conversation turned to what we did in the   
service. When we told them we were in the infantry, the   
girls seemed very impressed, giving us big smiles as they   
told us how sweet that was.   

Since infantry and sweet are seldom used in the same   
sentence, I was a little confused. Until, that is, one of   
the girls said, "We admire any man who works with infants."   


Thanks to Jean for sending this picture:


Click through for the large picture

Algodones Sand Dunes Curvy Border Fence 
in Southern California

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Antonio Flores Narcisso, 42, San Antonio, Texas

Texan who stabbed roommate for being too 
loud during threesome, that did not
involve him.

Antonio Flores Narcisso, 42, allegedly stabbed his roommate 
for being too loud while having sex with two women.
A man in San Antonio, Texas faces felony charges for allegedly 
stabbing his roommate numerous times for making too much noise 
while having sex.

Antonio Flores Narcisso, 42, was arrested Tuesday and charged 
with burglary of a habitation with the intent to commit 
felony force for the attack that allegedly happened on May 8.

The roommate was celebrating his 35th birthday by having sex 
with two women.

According to the arrest warrant, Narcisso kicked down the 
roommate's door to complain about the boisterous cries of 
passion, MySanAntonio.com reports.

When the roommate yelled at Narcisso to get out of the room, 
the suspect allegedly grabbed a kitchen knife and proceeded 
to stab the alleged victim numerous times in the head, back 
and hands, CBS Houston reports.

The roommate was taken to a local hospital and treated for 
non-life threatening injuries, according to the Sun News 
Network.

Although both of the women were able to identify Narcisso 
by name from a photo lineup the night the alleged attack 
took place, he was only charged this week, according to 
KENS5.com.

He is currently in the Bexar County jail.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Helen
Re: How do you dump old mail from Gmail?

Dear Webby
I am still using your trick with ` and 1 as hot-keys to select
the 100 oldest and to dump them, but that is rather tedious
and does not get done often enough. I get an awful lot of 
mail, and the INbox just gets bigger and bigger.
There is no way to dump a year at a time, unless you figured
a way. I hope you did, because Gmail and Google certainly
don't respond. 
Thanks
Helen

Dear Helen
There is no direct or simple way to dump old years.
If you are reasonably comfortable with filters, then you
can do it this way.
Let's say you want to dump anything prior to 2012.
Click on Settings, Settings, Filters, and at the bottom,
Make new Filter.
No, I don't know why they make that so klutzy.
In there, use the category
HAS THE WORDS
and type in there
before:2012/01/01
The date HAS to be in that format, or it won't work.

After you hit Continue, checkmark that it should apply
to found search results,
and tell it to delete the found stuff.
Then click Update, OK, and go do something else for a while.
It will take a while, and in the meantime look like it did 
not work. Don't stare at it, just go do something else.
In half an hour or so it will have dumped the mail from 
before 2012.

Gmail will still show near it's limit. It counts the trash
as your usage. Dump the trash and the spam, and you should
have plenty of space again.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Outdoor Movie Sleepover
It's nothing big or small but invite a couple of your 
friends and have a party in your back yard. Just build 
a fire for marshmallows, get a projector and a white 
surface and have popcorn. Watch a movie outdoors and 
spend the night there.
By destinee294 [1]

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time 
to time, and this should help get you started:
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the 
Director what the criterion was which defined whether or 
not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we 
offer a teaspoon,a teacup and a bucket to the patient and 
ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would 
use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the 
teacup."

"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the 
plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"


A man goes to a clinic early on a Monday morning and asks
to see a doctor. He appears to be in great pain, and his
hands are in bandages.

The nurse looks at him sympathetically.
"Arthritis, with complications?" she asks.

"No," says the man. "Do-it-yourself, with concrete blocks."
----------
Believe it or not, doing dishes by hand, without gloves,
will heal concrete sores faster than anything a doctor can
prescribe.





» Tribute to Canada




Today in 
1620 The Pilgrims left on the Mayflower from Plymouth, England 
 to settle in the New World. 
1819 Thomas Blanchard patented a machine called the lathe. 
1876 The Southern Pacific rail line from Los Angeles to 
 San Francisco was completed. 
1899 Carnation processed its first can of evaporated milk. 
1901 U.S. President William McKinley was shot and mortally 
 wounded (he died eight days later) by Leon Czolgosz. 
 Czolgosz, an American anarchist, was executed the 
 following October. 
1909 Robert Peary, American explorer, sent word that he 
 had reached the North Pole. He had reached his goal five 
 months earlier. 
1939 South Africa declared war on Germany. 
1941 Jews in German-occupied areas were ordered to wear the 
 Star of David with the word "Jew" inscribed. The order 
 only applied to Jews over the age of 6. 
1944 During World War II, the British government relaxed 
 blackout restrictions and suspended compulsory training 
 for the Home Guard. 
1948 Queen Juliana of the Netherlands was crowned. 
1952 In Montreal, Canadian television began broadcasting. 
1972 Rick DeMont lost the gold medal he received in a 
 400-meter swimming event because a banned drug was found 
 in his system during routine drug testing. 
1975 Martina Navratilova requested political asylum while 
 in New York for the U.S. Open Tennis Tournament. 
1990 Iraq warned that anyone trying to flee the country 
 without permission would be put in prison for life. 
1991 The State Council of the Soviet Union recognized the 
 independence of the Baltic states. 
1991 The name St. Petersburg was restored to Russia's second 
 largest city. The city was founded in 1703 by Peter the 
 Great. The name has been changed to Petrograd (1914) and 
 to Leningrad (1924). 
1992 A 35-year old man died ten weeks after receiving a 
 transplanted baboon liver. 
1995 U.S. Senator Bob Packwood was expelled by the Senate 
 Ethics Committee. 
2001 The U.S. Justice Department announced that it was 
 seeking a lesser antitrust penalty and would not attempt to 
 break up Microsoft. 
2001 Ebay Inc. was found not liable for copyright infringement 
 because bootleg copies of a Charles Manson documentary had 
 been sold on the site. 
2002 In New York, the U.S. Congress convened at Federal Hall 
 for a rare special session. The session was held in New York 
 to express the nation's mourning for the loss on September 
 11, 2001 and unity in the war against terrorism. 
2002 At the Smithsonian American Art Museum, the exhibition 
 "George Catlin and His Indian Gallery" went on view. The 
 exhibit contained over 400 objects.
2014  smiled.

Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday,  September 5
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Bonehead, who shot himself during a routine traffic stop
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
From the History section at the bottom:
1980 The St. Gothard Tunnel opened in Switzerland. It is the 
 world's longest highway tunnel at 10.14 miles long. 




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Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, 
after they've told you what you think it is you want to hear.
--- Alan Corenk 


After a young couple brought their new baby home, the wife
suggested that her husband should try his hand at changing
diapers. "I'm busy," he said, "I'll do the next one."

The next time came around and she asked again.
The husband looked puzzled,
"Oh! I didn't mean the next diaper. I meant the next baby!"


The customer in the Italian restaurant was so pleased that he
asked to speak to the chef. The owner proudly led him into the
kitchen and introduced him to the chef.

"Your veal parmigiana was superb," the customer said. "I just
spent a month in Italy, and yours is better than any I ever had
over there."

"Naturally," the chef said. "Over there, they use domestic
cheese. Ours is imported."


Thanks to Lillemor for this picture:


Mount Tavruvur, in Papua New Guinea, went off last Friday.

And they complain about MY man made pollution!


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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Geordan Morris, 22, Colorado Springs

Bonehead shoots himself during 
routine traffic stop

A routine traffic stop in Colorado Springs ended with a 
moron carrying a handgun accidentally shooting himself, 
according to police. Police say that 22-year-old Geordan 
Morris was pulled over early Sunday morning when the 
incident occurred. According to police records, the officer 
‘observed the driver’s side door open and heard a pop that 
sounded like a gunshot.’ Morris collapsed onto the pavement, 
‘stating he had shot himself.’ An ambulance needed to be 
called to take Morris to the hospital, where he was treated 
for non-life-threatening injuries. Police say that a search 
of the car turned up methamphetamine in addition to the 
handgun. 

Morris was arrested on multiple charges, including drug 
possession, after his release from medical care. 
KKTV reports that police believe Morris maybe have been 
attempting to stash the weapon when it discharged suddenly.
 
This guy got all the signs identifying a moron:
Backwards flat brim? Check. 
Casual cap and formal shirt and suit? Check.
Cap pulled down over his forehead? Check.
Fake diamond stud earrings? Check. 
Chin strap? Check. 
Meth in the car? Check. 
Girlish kissie-poo pout? Check.
Carries a loaded handgun with the safety off? Check.
Fumbles his gun and shoots himself? Check.

Need any more signs to certify him?

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Dan
Re: Where do you find good refurb machines?

Dear Webby
Gyppo mentioned "refurb machines".
Where do you find those?
Dan

Dear Dan
Staples usually has some on their site. Online only,
they never have enough to send them to all their stores.

You can also check with PriceGrabber.
They usually have a lot of Refurbs. Read the comments
to weed out dealers, who have not earned a good reputation.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Permanent Marker to Dye 
Rubbing Alcohol as Eyeglass Cleaner
I keep rubbing alcohol in a small 2 oz. spray bottle. 
I use it to clean my glasses. You could also use your 
own homemade glass cleaner, but I find it easier to just 
fill it with the rubbing alcohol. Don't forget to label 
the bottle "Eyeglass Cleaner" or "Rubbing Alcohol".
By ilovesophie [19]

That is OK for plain glass, but not recommended for coated,
high index plastic lenses. Those coatings resist scratches,
cut down the UV, improve clarity, and all kinds of good 
stuff. They are not made to resist alcohol.
Just use cheap automotive windshield washer fluid or regular
window cleaner, that costs less per gallon than a half pint 
of rubbing alcohol.

You can also take your sprayer to Walmart, and they will 
refill it free with their glass cleaner. I heard they make 
their own with a gallon of water and a squirt of Dawn. 
Whatever it is, it works and it is free.

The best way to clean glasses is to spray them with whatever
you got handy, rinse them under a strong stream of hot water, 
and dry them gently with a soft micro-fiber cloth or freshly 
washed t-shirt rag. No need to rub and scrub like an 
absentminded professor.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


Definition of Outdoor Barbecuing  It's the only type of
cooking some men will do:

When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the following chain
of events is put into motion.

    (1) The woman goes to the store.
    (2) The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and dessert.
    (3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a
        tray along with the necessary cooking utensils, and
        takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill,
        drinking beer.
    (4) The man places the meat on the grill.
    (5) The woman goes inside to set the table and check the
        vegetables.
    (6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is
        burning.
    (7) The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the
        woman.
    (8) The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the
        table.
    (9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the
        dishes.
    (10) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off."

And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's
just no pleasing some women.


At a Milwaukee post office, a woman complained to the clerk
that a Pony Express rider could get a letter from Milwaukee
to St. Louis in two days, and now it takes five.
"I'd like to know why," she scoffed.

The clerk thought a moment and then suggested,
"I guess the ponies must be getting old."




» In the pink




Today in 
1698 Russia's Peter the Great imposed a tax on beards. 
1793 In France, the "Reign of Terror" began. The National 
Convention enacted measures to repress the French 
 Revolutionary activities. 
1836 Sam Houston was elected as the first president of the 
 Republic of Texas. 
1877 Sioux chief Crazy Horse was killed by the bayonet of 
 a U.S. soldier. The chief allegedly resisted confinement 
 to a jail cell. 
1881 The American Red Cross provided relief for disaster 
 for the first time. The disaster was the Great Fire of 
 1881 in Michigan. 
1885 Jake Gumper bought the first gasoline pump to be 
 manufactured in the U.S. 
1900 France proclaimed a protectorate over Chad. 
1914 The Battle of the Marne began. The Germans, British 
 and French fought for six days killing half a million 
 people. 
1917 Federal raids were carried out in 24 cities on 
 International Workers of the World (IWW) headquarters. 
 The raids were prompted by suspected anti-war activities 
 within the labor organization. 
1930 Charles Creighton and James Hagris completed the drive 
 from New York City to Los Angeles and back to New York City 
 all in reverse gear. The trip took 42 days in their 1929 
 Ford Model A. 
1939 The U.S. proclaimed its neutrality in World War II. 
1945 Iva Toguri D'Aquino was arrested. D'Aquino was suspected 
 of being the wartime radio propagandist "Tokyo Rose". She 
 served six years and was later pardoned by U.S. President Ford. 
1953 The first privately operated atomic reactor opened in 
 Raleigh, NC. 
1957 Jack Kerouac's "On the Road" was first published. 
1958 Boris Pasternak's "Doctor Zhivago" was published for the 
 first time in the U.S. 
1960 Cassius Clay of Louisville, KY, won the gold medal in light 
 heavyweight boxing at the Olympic Games in Rome, Italy. Clay 
 later changed his name to Muhammad Ali. 
1961 The U.S. government made airline hijacking a federal offense. 
1977 The U.S. launched Voyager . 
1980 The St. Gothard Tunnel opened in Switzerland. It is the 
 world's longest highway tunnel at 10.14 miles long. 
1982 Eddie Hill set a propeller-driven boat water speed record 
 when he reached 229 mph. 
1983 U.S. President Reagan denounced the Soviet Union for shooting 
 down a Korean Air Lines. Reagan demanded that the Soviet Union pay 
 reparations for the act that killed 269 people. 
1983 "Sports Illustrated" became the first national weekly magazine 
 to use four-color process illustrations on every page. 
1984 Mortimer Zuckerman purchased the newsmagazine, "U.S. News & 
 World Report" for $163 million. 
1985 Rioting in South Africa spilled into white neighborhoods for 
 the first time. 
1986 NASA launched DOD-1. 
1990 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein urged for a Holy War against 
 the West and former allies. 
1991 Soviet lawmakers created an interim government to usher 
 in the confederation after dissolving the U.S.S.R. The new 
 name the Union of Sovereign States was taken. 
1992 A General Motors Corporation strike ended with a new 
 agreement being approved. Nearly 43,000 workers were on strike. 
1995 France set off an underground nuclear blast in the 
 South Pacific. 
2014  smiled.

Good Morning,  !

Today is Thursday, September 4

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Walmart robber, who leaves 1 year old niece behind
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
From the History section at the bottom:
1981 The Soviet Union began war games with about 100,000 troops 
 on the Polish border. 




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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





The only thing that saves us from the bureaucracy is 
inefficiency. An efficient bureaucracy is the greatest 
threat to liberty.
--- Eugene McCarthy (1916 - 2005)

If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed,
if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed.
--- Mark Twain


Two voices - male and female - obviously on a plane. "I think
everyone's asleep, lets go"
Sound of steps.

"This one's empty ... no-ones looking ... you go in first"

"It a bit cramped - let me sit down"

"Have you got the condom? Quick - put it on" Sniff sniff

"Ah perfume - you think of everything"

"This is great....." (long sigh)

Static on the loud speaker then a new voice. "This is the captain
speaking, to those two people in the rear toilet. We know what you're
doing and it is expressly forbidden by airline regulations... Now put
those cigarettes out and take the condom off the smoke detector!"


A flight attendant was on the red-eye to Manila when a
water leak developed in the galley, which eventually soaked the
carpet throughout the cabin of the 747.

A very sleepy passenger who had become aware of the
dampness asked the attendant, "Has it been raining?"

Keeping a straight face, the attendant replied, "Yes,
but we put the top up."

With a sigh of relief, the passenger went back to sleep


Thanks to Lillemor for this picture:



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Thanks for your votes!



An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Djuna M. Tansmore, 48, Monessen, Pennsylvania

Walmart robber leaves one 
year old old niece behind

A Pennsylvania woman suspected of robbing a Walmart is also 
accused of leaving her 1-year-old niece behind.
Djuna M. Tansmore, 48, was arrested Thursday in Rostraver 
Township after store surveillance video caught her attempting 
to exit the store with $86.58 worth of laundry detergent and 
Miracle Whip in a grocery cart, the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review 
reports.

When the store's loss prevention officer approached Tansmore, 
she tried to undo the safety strap that held her niece to 
the cart.

Rostraver Township Police Chief Greg Resetar told WTAE TV 
that's when the struggle over the baby in the car seat began.
"The straps weren't released and it sort of tipped the cart, 
and she sort of was trying to shake it, moving around, trying 
to dislodge the baby from the mechanism," Resetar said.
Video obtained by the station appears to show the baby in 
the seat being yanked back and forth with the cart nearly 
tipping, then being dragged behind the baby seat.
The suspect allegedly fled the scene, leaving the toddler 
behind, according to PennLive.com.

Tansmore was arrested a short time later near her home in 
Monessen, Pennsylvania. She was charged with retail theft, 
recklessly endangering another person, use/possession of 
drug paraphernalia and endangering the welfare of children, 
according to WPXI TV.

She was placed in the Westmoreland County Prison in Hempfield 
Township after failing to post $10,000 bond. She will have a 
preliminary hearing on Sept. 9.

The child eventually was released at the store to the custody 
of its mother, according to police.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Gyppo
Re: Happy with Refurb W7 machine

Dear Webby
A day or so ago you suggested to someone they bought a 
Windows 7 machine before they vanished from the stores and 
they were forced to go Win 8..

I recently bought a refurbished office machine, a Dell 390 
workstation and the specs were amazing for something costing 
just over £100.  The transition from my much loved XP Pro 
has been less painful than I expected.  I got a damned fine 
machine, with the software installed, solid as a rock with 
a few scratches on the case, for less than some of the 
questionable copies of the 7 Pro software alone.

	Gyppo (UK) 

Good for you, Gyppo!
Windows7 has been pretty well fixed by now with one or two 
big updates per month for the last dozen years, and is 
finally better than XP. 

Just be careful about "utilities" like cute clocks, that 
come bundled with trojans. With ANY Windows7 add-ons and 
utilities ask yourself, whether you absolutely need them.

What you DO need is a good Anti Virus program like McAfee, 
an Anti-Trojan program like MalwareBytes, 
a password manager like RoboForm, 
and a garbage cleaner like CrapCleaner.

There are plenty of fake alternatives out there. 
Be careful!

With RoboForm use my link. Otherwise you will fall into a 
nightmare of ads at C-net, that will tempt to sidetrack you. 
Real nuisance! My link is straight to the download, no fuss, 
no sidetracking.

As for anything else, you can probably find it already built 
in, just in typical Windows7 fashion, in a deviously hidden 
location. A minute of Googling will tell you where it is 
hidden and how to access it.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Permanent Marker to Dye 
Exposed Clothing Threads
I just bought a black sweater and the label's white threads 
were showing through at the neck line. I have short hair, 
so it was truly bugging me. I grabbed my permanent black 
marker and brushed over the exposed threads. They 
disappeared instantly. So grab your colored markers for 
all your threads that are exposed. I also did this to my 
black jeans that had a small bleach spot.
By Kathy from Harrisonburg, VA

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


>From Julie
I had given our daughter, who was 15 at the time, a drivers manual.
On the way to town one day, I was coaching her as I drove. I told 
her  to be studying her book so as to be ready when it came time 
to get her driver's permit.

"Oh, she said, "I already know everything in the book."

"You do?" I returned.

"Yep," she said, very smugly.

I thought, "OK, I'll give her a hard one."

So I asked her, "How many feet does it take to stop the car 
if you are driving 60 miles an hour and have to slam on the 
brakes real hard?"

"One," she replied.

"What?" I asked. "One?!"

She repeated her answer and then because of the confused 
look on my  face, she added, "One, Mom. You always told me 
never to use both feet on the brake, only use my right one."


There was a married couple who were in a terrible accident.
The woman's face was burned severely. The doctor told the
husband they couldn't graft any skin from her body because
she was so skinny.  The husband then donated some of his
skin...however, the only place suitable to the doctor was from
his buttocks. The husband requested that no one be told of
this, because after all,... this was a very delicate matter!

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded
at the woman's new beauty.  She looked more beautiful than
she ever did before!  All her friends and relatives just ranted
and raved at her youthful beauty!

She was alone with her husband one day & she wanted to
thank him for what he did.

She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you
did for me! There is no way I could ever repay you!!!

He replied, "Oh don't worry, Honey, I get thanks enough
every time your mother comes over and kisses you on your
cheek!!




» In the pink




Today in 
0476 Romulus Augustulus, the last emperor of the western 
 Roman Empire, was deposed when Odoacer proclaimed himself 
 King of Italy. 
1609 English navigator Henry Hudson began exploring the 
 island of Manhattan. 
1781 Los Angeles, CA, was founded by Spanish settlers. The 
 original name was "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora La Reina 
 de Los Angeles de Porciuncula," which translates as 
 "The Town of the Queen of Angels." 
1825 New York Governor Clinton ceremoniously emptied a barrel 
 of Lake Erie water in the Atlantic Ocean to consummate the 
 "Marriage of the Waters" of the Great Lakes and the Atlantic. 
1833 Barney Flaherty answered an ad in "The New York Sun" and 
 became the first newsboy/paperboy at the age of 10. 
1882 Thomas Edison's Pearl Street electric power station 
 began operations in New York City. It was the first display 
 of a practical electrical lighting system. 
1885 The Exchange Buffet opened in New York City. It was the 
 first self-service cafeteria in the U.S. 
1886 Geronimo, and the Apache Indians he led, surrendered 
 in Skeleton Canyon in Arizona to Gen. Nelson Miles. 
1888 George Eastman registered the name "Kodak" and patented 
 his roll-film camera. The camera took 100 exposures per roll. 
1894 A strike in New York City by 12,000 tailors took place 
 to protest sweatshops. 
1899 An 8.3 earthquake hit Yakutat Bar, AK. 
1917 The American expeditionary force in France suffered its 
 first fatalities in World War I. 
1923 The first American dirigible, the "Shenandoah," began 
 its maiden voyage in Lakehurst, NJ. 
1944 During World War II, British troops entered the city 
 of Antwerp, Belgium. 
1948 The Dutch Queen Wilhelmina left her throne for health 
 reasons. 
1957 The Arkansas National Guard was ordered by Governor 
 Orval Faubus to keep nine black students from going into 
 Little Rock's Central High School. 
1957 The Ford Motor Company began selling the Edsel. The car 
 was so unpopular that it was taken off the market only two years. 
1967 "Gilligan's Island" aired for the last time on CBS-TV. It 
 ran for 98 shows. 
1967 Michigan Gov. George Romney said during a TV interview that 
 he had undergone "brainwashing" by U.S. officials while visiting 
 Vietnam in 1965. 
1972 Swimmer Mark Spitz captured his seventh Olympic gold medal 
 in the 400-meter medley relay event at Munich, Germany. Spitz 
 was the first Olympian to win seven gold medals. 
1981 The Soviet Union began war games with about 100,000 troops 
 on the Polish border. 
1983 U.S. officials announced that there had been an American 
 plane, used for reconnaissance, in the vicinity of the Korean 
 Air Lines flight that was shot down. 
1986 South African security forces halted a mass funeral for 
 the victims of the riot in Soweto. 
1989 A reconnaissance satellite was released by the Air Force's 
 Titan Three rocket. The Titan Three set over 200 satellites 
 into space between 1964 and 1989. 
1995 The Fourth World Conference on Women was opened in Beijing. 
 There were over 4,750 delegates from 181 countries in attendance. 
1998 In Mexico, bankers stopped approving personal loans and 
 mortgages. 
1998 The International Monetary Fund approved a $257 million loan 
 for the Ukraine. 
1998 While in Ireland, U.S. President Clinton said the words 
 "I'm sorry" for the first time about his affair with Monica 
 Lewinsky and described his behavior as indefensible. 
1999 The United Nations announced that the residents of East 
 Timor had overwhelmingly voted for independence from Indonesia 
 in a referendum held on August 30. In Dili, pro-Indonesian 
 militias attacked independence supporters, burned buildings, 
 blew up bridges and destroyed telecommunication facilities. 
2003 Keegan Reilly, 22, became the first parapalegic climber 
 to reach the peak of Japan's Mount Fuji.

2014  smiled.

Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, September 3

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Another teacher jailed for messing with
students and leaving a trail on their phones
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
From the History section at the bottom:
1981 Egypt arrested more than 1,500 opponents of the government.




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





The greatest use of life is to spend it for 
something that will outlast it.
--- William James (1842 - 1910)

"I can't do it" never yet accomplished anything;
"I will try" has performed wonders.
--- George P. Burnham

"I will do it", gets the job done.
--- DearWebby


Mr. Doggins was having trouble getting his neighbor to keep
his chickens fenced in.  The birds were ruining his prize
winning flower beds.

The neighbor told Doggins that the chickens had the right to
go where they wanted.

Two weeks later, a friend visited Doggins and noticed his
flower beds were doing great.  The flowers were even beginning
to bloom!  The friend asked, "How did you get your neighbor to
keep his hens in his own yard?"

Doggins said, "Easy!  One night I hid a dozen eggs under a bush
by my flower bed.  The next day I let my neighbor see me gather
them. Two minutes later he rushed off to Home Depot to get 
fencing. I haven't been bothered by his chickens since."


The whole neighborhood shook from the explosion.  As store
owners ran outside to see what happened, they spotted the
pharmacist staggering out of his smoldering building.  His
white uniform was scorched black.  He walked up to a woman
standing nearby and said, "Lady!  Would you please ask your
doctor to write that prescription again.  And this time,
PRINT IT!"


Thanks to Lillemor for this picture:



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Thanks for your votes!



An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Ashley Dowden, 41, Baton Rouge, Louisiana

Teacher arrested for
Sex With two students

An English teacher in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, has been 
fired from her job after allegedly engaging in a sexual 
relationship with a 16-year-old male student.

Ashley Dowden, 41, has been charged with computer-aided 
solicitation of a juvenile, indecent behavior with juveniles, 
and carnal knowledge of juveniles, stemming from an alleged 
relationship with the student between May and June of this 
year.

The boy's parents contacted the East Baton Rouge Sheriff's 
Office on August 12 after allegedly discovering inappropriate 
text messages on his cell phone, WAFB TV reports.

According to the probable cause report, the parents cross 
referenced the number and discovered that it belonged to 
a teacher at his school.

After they questioned the teen about the messages, he 
admitted that he was involved in an inappropriate 
relationship with Dowden.

The boy is not a student at Riverdale Christian Academy, 
where Dowden has taught the last two years. 

He told deputies he had sex with her on the campus.

Deputies recovered nude photos of the suspect, as well as 
sexually explicit text messages before they questioned 
Dowden on Aug. 21.

At first, Dowden denied the allegations she had sex with 
a student. Deputies said that changed when they informed 
her of the content that had been downloaded from the 
teen's phone.

She allegedly admitted having sex with the victim as well 
as exchanging nude photos and sexually explicit messages 
with him, NOLA.com reports.
She was booked into the East Baton Rouge Parish Prison 
and released a few hours later after posting a $15,000 bond.

Five days after Dowden was charged for her alleged sexual 
relationship with a minor, she was accused of having a 
sexual relationship with an 18-year-old student at Riverdale 
Christian Academy.

Because the student was of legal age, Dowden was charged 
with prohibited sexual conduct between an educator and 
student, a misdemeanor.

She allegedly met up with the student during lunch breaks 
for sex, Casey Rayborn-Hicks, a spokesperson for the 
East Baton Rouge Sheriff's Office, told NOLA.com.

After the charges were filed, the school fired Dowden. 
According to a bio on the school's website that has been 
removed, she has been married for 10 years.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Scott
Re: Too Old Computers

Dear Webby
Our club gets, among other things, old computers donated to
us, so that we can try to convert them into cash for charitable
purposes. However, quite a few are so old, that we can't do
anything with them and just wind up paying disposal fees.
Do you have any ideas?
Thanks
Scott

Hold a Computer Smashathon. Provide safety goggles and a
sledge hammer and charge a dollar or five per hit. 
You'll be surprised how much money you will raise!

When they are all smashed to bits, glue them together into
a big abstract sculpture, take good pictures of it and sell it
on eBay.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Chew Gum While Cooking 
By Irishwitch 
If you are trying lose weight, before you do anything with 
food, stick a piece of gum in your mouth! That why you will 
not "taste" the food to see if it is good!

By Irishwitch [379] 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


The judge read the charges, then asked,
"Are you the defendant in this case?"

"No sir, your honor, sir," replied Jethro. "I got me a
lawyer to do the defendin'.  I'm the one who done it."


All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted
her down the aisle.  They reached the altar and the waiting
groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something
in his hand.

The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of
laughter. Even the minister smiled broadly.

As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave
him back his credit card....




» Canning Season




Today in 
1189 England's King Richard I was crowned in Westminster. 
1783 The Revolutionary War between the U.S. and Great Britain 
 ended with the Treaty of Paris. 
1833 The first successful penny newspaper in the U.S., 
 "The New York Sun," was launched by Benjamin H. Day. 
1935 Sir Malcolm Campbell became the first person to drive 
 an automobile over 300 miles an hour. He reached 304.331 MPH 
 on the Bonneville Salt Flats in Utah. 
1939 British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain, in a radio 
 broadcast, announced that Britain and France had declared 
 war on Germany. Germany had invaded Poland on September 1. 
1943 Italy was invaded by the Allied forces during World War II. 
1967 Nguyen Van Thieu was elected president of South Vietnam 
 under a new constitution. 
1967 In Sweden, motorists stopped driving on the left side of 
the road and began driving on the right side. 
1976 The U.S. spacecraft Viking 2 landed on Mars. The unmanned 
 spacecraft took the first close-up, color photos of the planet's 
 surface. 
1981 Egypt arrested more than 1,500 opponents of the government. 
1989 The U.S. began shipping military aircraft and weapons, 
 worth $65 million, to Columbia in its fight against drug lords. 
1994 Russia and China announced that they would no longer be 
 targeting nuclear missiles or using force against each other. 
1999 Mario Lemieux's ownership group officially took over 
 the National Hockey League's Pittsburgh Penguins. Lemieux 
 became the first player in the modern era of sports to buy 
 the team he had once played for. 
2013 Hunters in Mississippi caught a 727-pound alligator. 
2014  smiled.

Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, September 2

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
3 "Hostages", who were actually 
just dopes hallucinating on meth
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
From the History section at the bottom:
1996 Muslim rebels and the Philippine government signed a 
 pact formally ending 26-years of insurgency that had killed 
 more than 120,000 people. 




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





Advice is what we ask for when we already 
know the answer but wish we didn't.
--- Erica Jong


Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, the creator of the world-famous
detective, Sherlock Holmes, was not above telling tales
about himself in which he was the laughing-stock.

In one situation, he was waiting at a taxi stand outside the
railway station in Paris.  When a taxi pulled up, he placed
his suitcase in the car and took a seat next to it.

"Where can I take you, Mr. Doyle?'' asked the taxi driver.

Doyle was flabbergasted.  He asked the driver whether he
knew him by sight.  "No, sir, I have never seen you before."
The puzzled Doyle asked him how he knew he was Conan Doyle.

The driver said, "This morning's paper had a story about you
being on vacation in Marseilles.  This is the taxi stand where
people who return from Marseilles always come.  Your skin
color tells me you have been on vacation.  The ink spot on your
right index finger suggests to me that you're a writer.  Your
clothing is very English, and not French.  And so, I deduced
that you are Sir Arthur Conan Doyle."

Doyle remarked, "This is truly amazing.  You are a real life
counterpart to my fictional creation, Sherlock Holmes."

"There is one other thing that gave you away," the driver said,
after pocketing his tip.

"What is that?" questioned Doyle.

The driver said, "Your name is on the front of your suitcase."


A couple was taking a stroll through a park, when they came
upon a wishing well.  The woman leaned over, made a wish and
threw a quarter down the well.

Her husband decided that he also wanted to make a wish.
Unfortunately, he leaned over too far and fell down the well.

The woman stood there in shock for a moment and said,
"Wow!  It really works!"


Thanks to Lillemor for this picture:



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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Lakeisha Johnson, WEST PARK, Floriduh

3 "Hostages", who were actually 
just dopes hallucinating on meth

Yes, this happened in Floriduh.
The Jackson County Sheriff's Office responded last Sunday 
after reports that three people were screaming out of a 
home, claiming to have been taken hostage.

WMBB reports that authorities arrived at the residence and 
were told that the three supposed victims -- 18-year-old 
Madison Douglas, 21-year-old Damian Hines, and 30-year-old 
Matthew McDaniel -- had been taken hostage for several hours. 
They were also told the supposed hostages were shot at in 
the home.

Police soon discovered that the group had in fact 
hallucinated while on meth. Douglas said she had been stabbed 
by a suspect, but authorities said she had only a light 
scratch on her abdomen that was self-inflicted.

More from WMBB:
Numerous windows were shot out and holes were shot in the 
walls. They completely removed a large rear window from the 
house on the second floor and threw the bathroom sink at 
the imaginary attackers. Chunks of sheetrock, wood, firearm 
parts, and anything they could tear out of the residence was 
thrown outside including the toilet, which was ripped from 
the floor. In total, more than $10,000 damage was done to 
the residence.

All three were charged with possession of meth, attempt to 
manufacture meth, felony criminal mischief, and possession 
of drug paraphernalia.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Richi
Re: Free Anti-Virus

I Have a Simple ? For you.. Out of all the free antiviruses 
out there , I know there are some goood ones and I k now 
the paid ones are better but which of the free ones do 
you recommend?
Richi

Dear Richi
That is like asking me whether a Kentucky Fried Chicken 
bucket is better head protection on a Motorcycle than an 
ice cream bucket.

For some people, who have nothing valuable between the ears, 
either one of those buckets will make them street legal.

Some others prefer a full face Bell helmet.

If you got nothing valuable to protect and don't mind 
formatting and re-installing Windows every now and then, 
then go ahead and use AVG or any of the free ones.

I prefer McAfee.

I tested Vipre, and did not get any infection while using 
it for 3 months, but found that it slows me down. Keep in 
mind, I probably ride a lot faster, and have more programs 
open and on the go, than you have. They do have a free trial. 
Vipre's special occasion deals are usually more expensive. 
Try their free trial and see if they lower the price after 
the Back-To-School sales.

With McAfee, if you use my special link and don't try to go 
behind my back, you can still get "Total Protection" for $44
Otherwise expect to pay about double that.

Yes, I know, that is a lot of  money, but getting the Geek 
Squad to get viruses and trojans out of your machine would 
cost you more than twice that.

So, decide whether the stuff you got on your computer 
warrants an ice cream bucket, or a full face helmet.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Ice Cream Scoop For Measuring
 
By Irishwitch 
Spray an ice cream scooper with Pam, the use it to scoop 
out peanut butter or shortening, your finger will be kept 
clean! I scoop equals 1/4 cup.

By Irishwitch [379] 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


He had a kitten that climbed up a tree in his backyard and
then was afraid to come down. The Pastor coaxed, offered
warm milk, etc.

The kitty would not come down. The tree was not sturdy
enough to climb, so the Pastor decided that if he tied a rope
to his car and pulled it until the tree bent down, he could then r
each up and get the kitten.

That's what he did, all the while checking his progress in
the car. He then figured if he went just a little bit further,
the tree would be bent sufficiently for him to reach the kitten.
But as he moved the car a little further forward, the rope broke.

The tree went "boing!" and the kitten instantly sailed through
the air - out of sight.

The Pastor felt terrible. He walked all over the neighborhood
asking people if they'd seen a little kitten.

No. Nobody had seen a stray kitten So he prayed,
"Lord, I just commit this kitten to your keeping," and went on
about his business.

A few days later he was at the grocery store, and met one
of his church members. He happened to look into her s
hopping cart and was amazed to see cat food. This woman
was a cat hater and everyone knew it, so he asked her,
"Why are you buying cat food when you hate cats so much?"

She replied, "You won't believe this," and then told him how
her little girl had been begging her for a cat, but she kept
refusing. Then a few days before, the child had begged again, s
o the Mom finally told her little girl, "Well, if God gives you a cat,
I'll let you keep it."

She told the Pastor, "I watched my child go out in the yard,
get on her knees, and ask God for a cat. And really, Pastor,
you won't believe this, but I saw it with my own eyes. A kitten
suddenly came flying out of the blue sky, with its paws
outspread, and landed right in front of her."


Two elderly ladies met at the launderette after not seeing one
another for some time. After inquiring about each other's health,
one asked how the other's husband was doing.

"Oh! Ted died last week. He went out to the garden to dig up a
cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped down dead
right there in the middle of the vegetable patch!"

"Oh dear! I'm very sorry." replied her friend "What did you do?"

"Opened a can of peas instead."




» Harvest Machines




Today in 
31 B.C. The Roman leader Octavian defeated the alliance of 
 Mark Antony and Cleopatra. Octavian, as Augustus Caesar, 
 became the first Roman emperor. 
1666 The Great Fire of London broke out. The fire burned for 
 three days destroying 10,000 buildings including St. Paul's 
 Cathedral. Only 6 people were killed. 
1775 Hannah, the first American war vessel was commissioned 
 by General George Washington. 
1864 During the U.S. Civil War Union forces led by Gen. 
 William T. Sherman occupied Atlanta following the retreat 
 of the Confederates. 
1901 Theodore Roosevelt, then Vice President, said "Speak 
 softly and carry a big stick" in a speech at the Minnesota 
 State Fair. 
1930 The "Question Mark" made the first non-stop flight from 
 Europe to the U.S. The plane was flown by Captains Dieudonne 
 Coste and Maurice Bellonte. 
1938 The first railroad car to be equipped with fluorescent 
 lighting was put into operation on the New York Central 
 railroad. 
1945 Ho Chi Minh declared the independence the Democratic 
 Republic of Vietnam. 
1961 The U.S.S.R. resumed nuclear weapons testing. Test ban 
 treaty negotiations had failed with the U.S. and Britain 
 when the three nations could not agree upon the nature and 
 frequency of on-site inspections. 
1963 The integration of Tuskegee High School was prevented 
 by state troopers assigned by Alabama Gov. George Wallace. 
 Wallace had the building surrounded by state troopers. 
1969 NBC-TV canceled "Star Trek." The show had debuted on 
 September 8, 1966. 
1991 The U.S. formally recognized the independence of 
 Lithuania, Lativa and Estonia. 
1992 The U.S. and Russia agreed to a joint venture to build 
 a space station. 
1996 Muslim rebels and the Philippine government signed a 
 pact formally ending 26-years of insurgency that had killed 
 more than 120,000 people. 
1998 In Canada, pilots for Canada's largest airline launch 
 their first strike in Air Canada's history. 
2014  smiled.

Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, September 1
Happy Labor Day!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Stripper, who took off clothes, 
masturbated in jail holding cell
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
From the History section at the bottom:
1979 The U.S. Pioneer 11 became the first spacecraft to visit 
 Saturn. 




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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





Things are more like they are now than they have ever been.
--- Gerald R. Ford (1913 - 2006)

"My father says, 'Marry a girl who has the same belief as   
the family.' I said, 'Dad, why would I marry a girl who   
thinks I'm a schmuck?'" 
--- Adam Sandler 


Patient: Doctor, I have a problem. I feel unhealthy and 
depressed.

Doctor: You should cut down on drinks.

Patient: I don't touch a drop.

Doctor: You should cut down on smoking.

Patient: I don't smoke.

Doctor: You should stop taking drugs.

Patient: I don't do drugs.

Doctor: You should cut down on womanizing.

Patient: Haven't touched a woman in ten years.

Doctor: In that case, get yourself a drink, 
learn to smoke, and find a couple of girlfriends.


At a dinner party, the speaker who was the guest of honor,
was about to deliver his speech when his wife sitting at the
other end of the table, sent him a piece of paper with the
word "KISS" scribbled on it.

A guest seated next to the speaker said, "Your wife has sent
you a KISS before you begin your speech. She must love you
very much."

The speaker replied, "You don't know my wife. The letters
stand for "Keep it short, Stupid."


Thanks to Lillemor for this picture:


Carrier landing

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Lakeisha Johnson, WEST PARK, Floriduh

Tootsie's stripper takes off
clothes, masturbates in jail

Lakeisha Johnson was initially suspected of stealing an iPad.

A stripper at a Miami Gardens nightclub took her profession 
to another level after she removed her clothing and 
masturbated inside a Hallandale Beach jail's holding cell.

According to the Broward Sheriff's Office report, Lakeisha 
Johnson was initially suspected of stealing an iPad. 
Deputies say they spotted her jumping fences behind homes 
in the 5200 block of West Hallandale Beach Boulevard early 
Monday morning.

Deputies say when they approached Johnson she began taking 
off her clothes and using vulgar language. She was eventually 
arrested on a charge of resisting an officer without violence 
and was held on $100 bond.

The iPad wasn't found in her possession.
While Johnson was in the holding cell, she masturbated and 
took off her clothes repeatedly, exposing her genitals, 
buttocks and breasts, according to the report.

A corrections deputy says she also offered to perform a 
sex act in exchange for her release.

The arrest report says Johnson works at Tootsie's in 
Miami Gardens.

An attorney for Tootsies claims that Johnson does not 
or has not previously performed as an entertainer at 
the club.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Penny
Re: No movies and no coupon printing

Hi Webby,
 
  Been a while since I have needed your advice, which is 
always appreciated.

  On Facebook I cannot watch videos that I have to leave 
the main page to watch. All I get is a black screen. Also 
after reading all the latest n"news" on FB, my computer 
will freeze. The only thing to do is hit< "control, Ault, 
delete".   

And trying to print out Walmart coupons from my e-mail, 
nothing happens. I'm thinking this all started after I 
updated Adobe. I ran a system restore thinking that would 
help. But NOPE !
Any ideas??   
I just can't imagine getting injections in my eyes!  
Dang!!  Will you have to do that for the rest of your life, 
or until you're cured or an operation???  I pray that all 
will be well with you.
 
   Thanks Webby
   Penny

Dear Penny
That sounds like your computer is not quite able to cope 
with the current Adobe Flash Player, and possibly a few 
other things.

Be careful with those printable coupons! Many of them are fake 
and instead of coupons you get infections. When I get an
email offering abuse@webby.com free Walmart coupons, then
I dump that email very  carefully, if MailWasher has not
already marked it for deleting. 


You can  try running Crap Cleaner from my Tool Box at 
http://webby.com/tools. I would also run a good virus scanner 
like McAfee and a Trojan 
cleaner like MalwareBytes.

That might postpone the day, when you have to get a newer 
machine. Personally, I would not wait too long with that. Currently 
you can still get a Windows 7 machine, IF you try hard enough. 
However, soon all they will have is  Windows 8. I would not 
recommend that to you.

Re my eyes, hopefully soon the Macular Edema will be fixed 
and I won't need any more injections.

Good Luck!
DearWebby




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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Getting All the Toothpaste out of the Tube
When I can no longer get any more toothpaste out of the 
tube, I cut the tube into 2-3 inch sections and store them 
in a baggie. When I need toothpaste, I wet the brush and 
swipe some toothpaste from the cut sections. This extends 
the life of the tube for at least another week.

By ilovesophie [19] 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


A father, who worked away from home all week, always made a
special effort with his family at the weekends. Every Sunday
morning he would take his 7 year old daughter out for a 
drive in the car.

One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold that he really
didn't feel like driving at all. Luckily, his wife came to the
rescue and decided that for this Sunday she would take their
daughter out. They returned just before lunch and the little girl
ran upstairs to see her father.

"Well" the father asked, "did you enjoy your ride with mommy?"

"Oh yes Daddy" the girl replied, "and do you know what,
we didn't see a single bastard or moron! Today WE played 
the morons!"


"My ancestry goes all the way back to Alexander the Great,"
said one lady. She then turned to a second woman and asked,
"How far does your family go back?"

"I don't really know for sure." was the reply. 
"All of our records were lost in The Flood."




» Campfire Photos




Today in 
1810 The first plow with interchangeable parts was patented 
 by John J. Wood. 
1859 The Pullman sleeping car was placed into service. 
1878 Emma M. Nutt became the first female telephone operator 
 in the U.S. The company was the Telephone Dispatch Company 
 of Boston. 
1887 Emile Berliner filed for a patent for his invention of 
 the lateral-cut, flat-disk gramophone. It is a device that 
 is better known as a record player. Thomas Edison made 
 the idea work. 
1897 The first section of Boston's subway system was opened. 
1905 Saskatchewan and Alberta became the ninth and tenth 
 provinces of Canada. 
1939 World War II began when England turned Germany's invasion
 of Poland into more than a routine intra-European border 
 re-alignment and into a World War involving more than just 
 European countries. 
1942 A federal judge in Sacramento, CA, upheld the wartime 
 detention of Japanese-Americans as well as Japanese nationals. 
1945 The U.S. received official word of Japan's formal 
 surrender that ended World War II. In Japan, it was actually 
 September 2nd. 
1969 Col. Moammar Gadhafi came into power in Libya after the 
 government was overthrown. 
1979 The U.S. Pioneer 11 became the first spacecraft to visit 
 Saturn. 
1982 Mexican President Jose Lopez Portillo closed all the 
 country's private banks. 
1985 The Titanic was found by Dr. Robert Ballard and Jean 
 Louis Michel in a joint U.S. and French expedition. The 
 wreck site is located 963 miles northeast of New York 
 and 453 miles southeast of the Newfoundland coast. 
1997 In France, the prosecutor's office announced that the 
 driver of the car, in which Britain's Princess Diana was 
 killed, was over the legal alcohol limit. 
1998 The movie "Titanic" went on sale across North America. 
1998 Vietnam released 5,000 prisoners, including political 
 dissidents, on National Day. 
2014  smiled.

Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday,  August 31

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Cedar Park woman, who stole wine 
to follow boyfriend to jail
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
From the History section at the bottom:
1994 A cease-fire was declared by the Irish Republican Army 
 after 25 years of bloodshed in Northern Ireland. 




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





It's so much easier to suggest solutions 
when you don't know too much about the problem.
--- Malcolm Forbes (1919 - 1990)


This minister just had all of his remaining teeth pulled
and new dentures were being made.

The first Sunday, he only preached 10 minutes.
The second Sunday, he preached only 20 minutes.
But, on the third Sunday, he preached 1 hour 25 minutes.

When asked about this by some of the congregation, he
responded this way:
The first Sunday, my gums were so sore it hurt to talk.
The second Sunday, my dentures were hurting a lot.
The third Sunday, I accidentally grabbed my wife's dentures,
  AND I COULDN'T STOP TALKING!


A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr.
Sugarbrown's daughter." Her mother told her this was wrong,
she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown."

The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and
said, "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?"
She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."


Thanks to Lillemor for this picture:


TAVURVUR VOLCANO Papua New Guinea
Blew it's top on Friday

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Alicia Walicke, 22, Cedar Park, Texas

Cedar Park woman stole wine 
to follow boyfriend to jail

A woman told police she stole a bottle of cheap wine from 
a Cedar Park gas station so she could get arrested and 
see her boyfriend in the Williamson County Jail, according 
to a warrant.

Cedar Park resident Alicia Walicke, 22, was charged with 
theft. Police found her Wednesday next to a Shell gas 
station at 1405 Whitestone Blvd. drinking a $3.99 bottle 
of Mad Dog 20/20 she had just stolen from the station, 
the warrant said.

“Walicke advised her boyfriend was arrested earlier that 
evening by Cedar Park Officers and it was her fault so she 
wanted to make things right and go to jail,” according to 
the warrant.

Mad Dog 20/20 is a slang word for a cheap wine made by 
Mogen David. Walicke has two previous convictions for theft, 
the warrant said. She was previously charged with assault 
against a public servant in March when she bit a Cedar Park 
police officer’s arm while officers were trying to restrain 
her after she became combative when they responded to a 
call about her making suicidal threats, a warrant said. 
Police believed she was under the influence of an unknown 
drug and were trying to get her medically evaluated, the 
warrant said.

Walicke was released from the Williamson County Jail 
Friday after posting bond on bail set at $5,000, according 
to court records.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Emily
Re: How do you recognize PayPal scams?

Dear Webby
How could you jump that quickly to decide that the mail Len 
got was a scam? Couldn't it have been from PayPal after all?
Emily

Dear Emily
I have dealt with PayPal for 14 or 15 years. They never send
notices about anything expiring. They send notices about 
transactions, or notices, that you should log in and check
this or that. However, PayPal NEVER sends a link in email.

With MailWasher I see the real URL underlying links, and
usually MailWasher recognizes those scams and flags them for 
deleting. Over the years I have seen countless of those 
scams, neatly flagged for deleting. Some of them are really
funny, for example if they send an expiry notice to 
unsubscribe@webby.com, or to abuse@webby.com.

Of course I don't waste time replying and inviting the 
scammer to show up at my door and collect some abuse, but
I get a chuckle out of them anyway.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Shucking Corn
Cut off both ends of the corn. Peel off all but 2 -3 layers 
of the husk. Then either steam for 8 - 10 minutes (depending 
on how many ears you have) or wrap in a damp towel and 
microwave for 1 1/2 - 2 minutes per ear. Using a clean 
towel or pot holder, peel the rest of the husk off. The 
silk will easily rub off with the husk. Be careful, the 
ear is hot.

Source: This was on a youtube video

By Judy Dreyer [4] 

If you like your corn tender but juicy enough, so that
it sprays a bit when you chew it off the cob, there is a 
much easier way!
Microwave or boil the corn whatever length of time your 
equipment takes. 
Cut off the stem end at the largest diameter point.
Grab the corn at the opposite end with a pot holder,
lift it up and squeeze. You may have to gently shake it 
a bit to help it slide out. The cob will slide down and 
out onto a plate without ANY silk or leaves. 
Salt and pepper, and enjoy!
DearWebby

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and 
play with the boys?"

Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, 
they're too rough."

The little girl thought about it for a few moments and 
asked, "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"


A man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things
that he used to do. When the examination was complete,
he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English
what is wrong with me."

"Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just a
lazy old fart."

"Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so
I can tell my wife."




» Campfire Photos




Today in 
1823 Ferdinand VII was restored to the throne of Spain 
 when invited French forces entered Cadiz. The event is known 
 as the Battle of Trocadero. 
1887 The kinetoscope was patented by Thomas Edison. The device 
 was used to produce moving pictures. 
1935 The act of exporting U.S. arms to belligerents was 
 prohibited by an act signed by U.S. President Roosevelt. 
1962 The Caribbean nations Tobago and Trinidad became 
 independent within the British Commonwealth. 
1964 California officially became the most populated state 
 in America. 
1980 Poland's Solidarity labor movement was born with an 
 agreement signed in Gdansk that ended a 17-day strike. 
1989 Great Britain's Princess Anne and Mark Phillips announced 
 that they were separating. The marriage was 16 years old. 
1990 East and West Germany signed a treaty that meant the 
 harmonizing of political and legal systems. 
1991 Uzbekistan and Kirghiziz declared their independence 
 from the Soviet Union. They were the 9th and 10th republics 
 to announce their plans to secede. 
1991 In a "Solidarity Day" protest hundreds of thousands 
 of union members marched in Washington, DC. 
1993 Russia withdrew its last soldiers from Lithuania. 
1994 A cease-fire was declared by the Irish Republican Army 
 after 25 years of bloodshed in Northern Ireland. 
1994 Russia officially ended its military presence in the 
 former East Germany and the Baltics after a half-century. 
1998 A ballistic missile was fired over Japan by North Korea. 
 The missile landed in stages in the waters around Japan. 
 There was no known target. 
2014  smiled.

Good Morning,  !

Today is Saturday,  August 30

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Woman responsible for previous DWI Death 
Arrested For Third DWI This Summer
Details at Boneheads

From the History section at the bottom:






If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





Today, in 
A nation is a society united by delusions about its ancestry 
and by common hatred of its neighbors.
--- William Ralph Inge (1860 - 1954)

A child of five would understand this. 
Send someone to fetch a child of five.
--- Groucho Marx (1890 - 1977)

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up 
- they have no holidays.
--- Henny Youngman (1906 - 1998)

If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you;
But if you really make them think, they'll hate you.
--- Don Marquis


>From Lillemor
Hey,  I just read that the reason they are not arresting 
any LOOTERS in Ferguson is because Eric Holder's Justice 
Department has reclassified  them.
They are not LOOTERS anymore.

They are now UNDOCUMENTED   SHOPPERS 

The   following items have NOT been stolen by the looters 
in Ferguson: 

Pens,  pencils, resume kits, work boots, work gloves, work 
coveralls, father’s day cards and books. 



>From Moe
Four guys have been going to the same fishing trip for 
many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Ron's wife 
puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.
 
Ron's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can 
they do.
 
Two days later the three mates get to the camping site only 
to find Ron sitting there with a tent set up, firewood 
gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire.
 
"Wow Ron, how long you been here? How did you talk your 
wife into letting you go?"
 
"Well, I've been here since last night. After dinner at home 
yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair and my wife came 
up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, 
'Guess who?'"
 
I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing sexy brand new 
lingerie. She said she had been reading 'Fifty Shades of Grey' 
and she had a devilish look in her eyes!!!
 
She took my hand and led me to our bedroom. The room had 
candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs, 
and ropes!
 
She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bed, so I did.

And then she said, "Do whatever you want."
 
So . . . . here I am!





If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!



An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Jo Jackson, 53, FAYETTEVILLE, AR

Woman responsible for previous DWI Death 
Arrested For Third DWI This Summer

Jo Jackson, a Fayetteville woman previously convicted in 
a DWI death was arrested Sunday for the third time this 
summer on suspicion of driving while intoxicated, according 
to the Fayetteville Police Department.

Jo Jackson, 53, was arrested Sunday afternoon on suspicion 
of several misdemeanor charges, including DWI, reckless 
driving, expired vehicle licensing and driving on a 
suspended license. A preliminary arrest report states she 
had a .21 blood-alcohol level at the time of her arrest.

Her arraignment is set for Sept. 22, according to the report.
Police on Sunday responded near College Avenue and Cleburn 
Street in reference to a vehicle that was swerving and 
stopping in the middle of the lanes meant for oncoming 
traffic, according to a preliminary report. An officer 
stopped the vehicle, but Jackson, the driver, had no license 
to give him, the report states.

The reporting officer said he could smell alcohol on Jackson, 
and her speech was slurred. Also, the license plate on her 
vehicle expired in April, the preliminary report states.

Jackson failed a field sobriety test, even though she was 
wearing pants this time, and officers found an open, half
full bottle of Sutter Home wine in the vehicle’s center 
console, according to the report.

Jackson’s license was suspended after she was convicted in 
the September 2011 death of veteran Fayetteville road worker 
Jackie Luper, 51, on Joyce Boulevard. She told officers she 
had taken prescription medications prior to the incident. 
Her 12-year-old daughter was in the car at the time, 
officials said.

Following her negligent homicide conviction in June 2012, 
Jackson received a sentence of time served and was sentenced 
to no further jail or prison time, according to court records. 
She was also sentenced to 12 months of probation, which she 
fulfilled in June 2013, records show.

The city renamed the section of Joyce Boulevard from 
College Avenue to Crossover Road the honorary Jack Luper 
Boulevard.

Jackson was arrested Aug. 8 in a separate instance on 
suspicion of DWI, driving on a suspended license, reckless 
driving, having no proof of insurance and violating implied 
consent. She later posted a $2,000 bond out of the Washington 
County Detention Center, according to the Sheriff’s Office. 
Her arraignment in that case is set for Sept. 5.

During that incident, police said Jackson admitted to 
drinking half a bottle of wine and taking Hydrocodone and 
Adavan prescription medications. Open wine containers were 
also found in the vehicle, the preliminary report states.

Jackson failed a field sobriety test and was arrested and 
transported to jail, police said.

Prior to that arrest, Jackson was also arrested June 8 on 
suspicion of DWI. The arresting officer in the case said 
she was not wearing pants or underwear during the field 
sobriety test. Jackson was booked into jail and released 
several hours later on $1,780 bond, according to the 
Sheriff’s Office. 
She's driving again. 

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Len
Re: PayPal expiring?

Dear Webby
Got this:
Subject: We inform you that your Account PayPal expires in 
less than 48 hours
From: service@intl.PayPal.com

Is this for real or another scam? 
PLMK. 
Thanks.

Len

Dear Len
Typical scam. 
Delete it and forget it.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Cleaning Artificial Plants and Flowers
I spray Febreze generously onto the whole flower/foliage 
arrangement, tree, etc. This works just as well as 
commerical cleaners made specifically for silk flowers. 
Just spray, no wiping necessary. And you can choose 
the scent (or no scent) of your choice. 

By 2ndsight [1] 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


>From Rosie
When my husband was a student at Tennessee Temple University,
I often asked him to do errands after class, tying ribbons on
his fingers to remind him.  A good sport, he didn't protest,
even though his classmates obviously noticed my little reminders.

One day he had to have a mole removed from above his ear and
emerged from the doctor's office with his head wrapped in a
white bandage.  When he walked into class, everyone just stared.
Finally one student blurted out, "Whatever your wife wants you
to remember today, it must be REALLY important."


A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class:
"In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive.
In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative
is still a negative.

However," he continued, "there is no language wherein a
double positive can form a negative."

A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah. Right."




» Campfire Photos




Today in 
1146 European leaders outlawed the crossbow. 
1645 American Indians and the Dutch made a peace treaty at 
 New Amsterdam. New Amsterdam later became known as New York. 
1682 William Penn sailed from England and later established 
 the colony of Pennsylvania in America. 
1780 General Benedict Arnold secretly promised to surrender 
 the West Point fort to the British army. 
1809 Charles Doolittle Walcott first discovered fossils 
 near Burgess Pass. He named the site Burgess Shale after 
 nearby Mt. Burgess. 
1862 The Confederates defeated Union forces at the second 
 Battle of Bull Run in Manassas, VA. 
1941 During World War II, the Nazis severed the last 
 railroad link between Leningrad and the rest of the 
 Soviet Union. 
1945 General Douglas MacArthur set up Allied occupation 
 headquarters in Japan. 
1951 The Philippines and the United States signed a 
 defense pact. 
1956 In Louisianna, the Lake Pontchartrain Causeway opened. 
1960 A partial blockade was imposed on West Berlin by 
 East Germany. 
1963 The "Hotline" between Moscow and Washington, DC, 
 went into operation. 
1982 P.L.O. leader Yasir Arafat left Beirut for Greece. 
1991 The Soviet republic of Azerbaijan declared independence
1994 Rosa Parks was robbed and beaten by Joseph Skipper. 
 Parks was known for her refusal to give up her seat on a 
 bus in 1955, which sparked the civil rights movement. 
1994 The largest U.S. defense contractor was created when 
 the Lockheed and Martin Marietta corporations agreed 
 to a merger. 
1996 An expedition to raise part of the Titanic failed when 
 the nylon lines being used to raise part of the hull snapped. 
1999 The residents of East Timor overwhelmingly voted for 
 independence from Indonesia. The U.N. announced the result 
 on September 4.
2014  smiled.

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