Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  March 25, 2007
======================================

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping
reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next
to a tree, something is wrong.
--- George Carlin

I agree. Nowadays I prefer to camp in a 4 star hotel
with high speed Internet, on-line booking and
no waiting list.

=======================================

Abe is a new arrival at a retirement community, and is
passing the morning sunning himself on a bench near the
garden.  Becky is out for her morning constitutional, spies
Abe, and says "Do you mind?"

"Not at all" Abe says, so Becky sits down on the opposite
end of his bench.

"So, you're new here" says Becky.

"Yes" Abe nods.

"So, where are you from?" asks Becky.

"Washington" Abe answers.

"The state or the capitol?" asks Becky.

"The state" replies Abe.

"So how old are you ? asks Becky.

"I'll be 52 in October.". Abe replies

"What did you do in Washington?" asks Becky.

"I was in prison" Abe says.

"Really!" says Becky, "what did you do?"

"My wife was always asking stupid questions, so I chopped
her up and put her down the garbage disposal" he says.

"Sooo," purrs Becky, "you're single?"

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

When a coworker received a phone call from her daughter,
we heard her exclaim joyfully, "Seven and a half pounds!
I'm so proud!" After she had hung up, I asked, "Boy or girl?"

"Neither," my colleague replied... "Diet."

===========================================

  Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
===========================================

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Ryan Henry, 18 of Valparaiso, Indiana

Back to the bus!

March 17, 2007 - Valparaiso, Indiana - AP

A teenager clocked driving at 93 mph in a 45 mph zone told
police he had to get home in time to catch the school bus.

A judge had sentenced Ryan Henry, 18, to ride the bus to
school after an earlier speeding conviction, and Henry said
he was rushing home after going to a gas station to buy an
energy drink, said Porter County Sheriff's Deputy Roger
Bowles, who ticketed Henry.

Henry appeared to accelerate after passing a marked squad
car, then turned into a driveway and shut off the lights to his
2001 Mustang, Bowles said.

Henry was given a ticket for misdemeanor reckless driving
and ordered to appear in court April 16.

===========================================


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===========================================


Sunday morning stretch

===========================================

"Information. Can I help you?"

"I'd like the number of the Theater Guild, please."

"One moment, please." Pause. "I'm sorry sir, I have no
listing for a Theodore Guild."

"No, no. It isn't a person. It's an organization. It's Theater
Guild."

"I told you, sir. I have no listing for a Theodore Guild."

"Not *Theodore*! *Theater*! The word is *theater*.
 T-H-E-A-T-E-R!"

"That, *sir*, is NOT the way you spell Theodore."

===========================================


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===========================================

A man says to a friend, "I've got a riddle for you. If there were three
crows on a fence post and I shot one, how many would be left?"

Without hesitating, the friend says, "Two left."

"You don't get the point," the man says. "Listen to the riddle. There were
three crows on a fence post. Then I shot one. How many would be left?"

"Two left," the friend says again.

"No," the man says in a superior tone of voice. "None would be left,
because if I shot one then the other two would fly away."

"Isn't that what I've been saying?" the friend says. "Two left."

============================================


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==================================

From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Sharon
Re: Daylight Saving Time problem

Dear  Webby,
Since the early arrival of day;light saving time my clock
will not stay updated.
I do not have the pc set to do automatic updates as I want
to update only the things I want. I have clicked on the clock
time on the taskbar & reset it on the clock setting but it
keeps going back to the old time. I have clicked "apply"
then ok. Do you have any suggestions as to how I can keep
it set to the current time?
Thanks for your help on this & other questions.
Sharon

Dear Sharon
Seems your Windows is short a few marbles. As long as you
got theIE7 block in place, and don't update the Media Player,
all other updates are safe.

In the meantime, just change your time zone one zone to the
East of you.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

==========================================
    Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
    100% Guarantee & Free shipping
    Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
    Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
    http://www.Ask4Ink.com
==========================================

Deeli's Kudos
ROME

A waltz. A tango. A piece of jazz. But they weren't composed
in Vienna, Buenos Aires or New Orleans. Scribbled on diaries,
loose pages or even toilet paper, these are the notes left
behind by people who lived and died in the prisons and
concentration camps of World War II.

Italian researchers hope thousands of nearly forgotten works
will find new life as they assemble a library of music composed
or played in those dark places between 1933 and 1945.

''We are trying to right a great wrong: These musicians were
hoping for a musical life for themselves, and they would have
had it if their destiny had been different,'' said Italian musician
Francesco Lotoro.

He has been collecting originals, copies and recordings of
everything from operas composed in the depth of the Nazi
death camps to jazz pieces written in Japanese POW camps
in Asian jungles.

The library, set to open in September at Rome's Third University,
will offer scholars a repertoire of 4,000 papers and 13,000
microfiches including music sheets, letters, drawings and photos.

For more than 15 years, working largely alone, Lotoro has been
crisscrossing the globe, usually at his own expense, hunting
down musical works from museums, archives and antique shops,
as well as from survivors or their families.

Lotoro, a pianist, is also rearranging and recording many of the
pieces to produce a collection of 32 CDs, five of which have
already been published. Musicians and singers who live in or
around his southern Italian town of Barletta, and who share his
passion, often spend their Sundays working with him in the
recording studio.

=============================================

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
http://fire-cat.com/blog/
You can email to the Express Empress at
3empress@fire-cat.com,  and she will post it into the blog for you.
=============================================

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Grow Plants for Gifts 
I take cuttings of my indoor and outdoor plants and begin
new ones in saved plastic planters. These are my
"give away" plants. Last week alone, I saved money
by being able to use them as "thank you" gifts. Wrap
them up in some cellophane with ribbons and they
look store bought. By Kathy

Be careful that you don't get carried away with that!
That is what my father started to do after he retired.
Now have a look at his site at http://dawna.com
Most recent page is at the top in the menu on the left.
He specialized on cacti, because they only need watering
2 - 3 times a year and multiply nicely as long as they
are not pampered. Now he has over 5000 plants and no
time to label the pictures!

By the way, forget the cellophane and storebought look,
unless you want to get the message across, that you forgot
about it and just quickly picked something up at the store
on the way. A plant that you grew has a lot more value.
Have FUN!
DearWebby


Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFun
http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml
Highly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest


If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
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========================================

A political pollster knocked on the door and a sour-faced
lady answered.
"What party does your husband belong to?" he asked.
The lady responded curtly, "I sir,
am the party he belongs to."

=============================================

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

========================================

We took a friend to dinner at a restaurant that offered
free refills of nonalcoholic drinks. Before the main
course arrived, she kept the waitress scurrying for refills.

When our friend asked for yet another, the waitress raised
an eyebrow and asked,
"What did you have for lunch,  a sponge?"

========================================

Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link:
Tropical Fruits
http://www.proscitech.com.au/trop/link.htm

========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

Give a free gift subscription to a friend!
========================================

Well, , that's all for today.

have FUN !
Dear Webby


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or at least your favorite nickname, please tell me. I can
correct that in two seconds and greet you properly from
then on.

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Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  March 24, 2007
======================================

All speaking is public speaking whether it’s to one person
or a thousand.
— Roger Love

In politics, absurdity is not a handicap.
--- Napoleon Bonaparte

=======================================

Bloopers Taken from Real Church Bulletins

**The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of
the congregation would lend him their electric girdles
for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.

**Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday
at 7 p.m. Please use the back door.

** The pastor will preach his farewell message, after
which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."

**Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our
church and community.

**The eighth graders will be presenting
Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement Friday at
7 p.m.  The congregation is invited to attend this
tragedy.

**Thursday night Potluck Supper. Prayer and
medication to follow.

**A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in
the church hall. Music will follow.

**At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic
will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our
choir practice.

**Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First
Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at
the side entrance.

**Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due
to the addition of several new members and to the
deterioration of some older ones.

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

It was the first day of third grade in a new town for
Johnny. As a test, his teacher went around the room and
asked each of the students to count to 50. Some did
very well, counting as high as 30 or 40 with just a few
mistakes. Others couldn't get past 20. Johnny, however,
did extremely well; he counted past 50, right up to 100
without any mistakes. He was so excited that he ran
home and told his Dad how well he had done. His Dad
nodded and told him, "That's because you're from
'Bama, son."

The next day, in language class, the teacher asked the
students to recite the alphabet. It's third grade, so
most could make it half way through without much
trouble. Some made it to "S" or "T," but Johnny rattled
off the alphabet perfectly right to the end. That
evening, Johnny once again bragged to his Dad about his
prowess in his new school. His Dad knowingly explained
to him, "That's because you are from 'Bama, son."

The next day, after Phys Ed, the boys were taking
showers. Johnny noticed that compared to the other boys
in his grade, he seemed overly "endowed." This confused
him. That night he told his dad, "Dad, the other boys
all have little tiny ones, but mine is ten times bigger
than theirs. Is that because I'm from 'Bama?" he
asked.

"No, son," explained his Dad, "That's because
you're 18."

===========================================

  Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
===========================================

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to the Utah tax Commission

Winey Whiners
March 17, 2007 - Salt Lake City, Utah - AP

Merlot can be a variety of grape or a type of red wine, but
not an acceptable personalized license plate in the state
of Utah.

Glenn Eurick's 1996 Mercedes has had the license plate
reading "merlot" for 10 years. He says the plate never got
a lot of notice until the Utah Tax Commission told him last
week that he had to remove it because the state doesn't
allow words of intoxicants to be used on vanity plates.

Six or seven-letter words like liquor or whiskey probably
wouldn't make it through the state screening process before
the plates are issued. But merlot did and Eurick was fine
until an anonymous caller told the state that merlot was
amongst other things also a name for an alcoholic beverage.

Eurick's car with the offending plate is dark red, like the wine.
He said few people who asked about the plate made the
connection. Though one man did ask "if we chose merlot
because there were too many letters in cabernet sauvignon,"
Eurick said.

Eurick said he will challenge the state's decision.

===========================================


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unique March cards
in a hurry?
There is a great selection at Hicards MARCH
 
===========================================



===========================================

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain
and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a
pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain
bellowed to his first mate, "Bring me my red shirt!"
The first mate quickly retrieved the captain's red
shirt, which the captain put on and led the crew to
battle the pirate boarding party. Although some
casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were
repelled.

Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were
two pirate vessels sending boarding parties. The crew
cowered in fear, but the captain, calm as ever
bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the
battle was on. However, the captain and his crew
repelled both boarding parties, though this time more
casualties occurred.

Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that
night recounting the day's occurrences when an ensign
looked to the captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call
for your red shirt before the battle?"

The captain, giving the ensign a look that only a
captain can give, exhorted, "If I am wounded in battle,
the red shirt does not show the wound and thus, you
men will continue to fight unafraid."

The men sat in silence marveling at the courage of such
a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout
screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all
with boarding parties on their way.

The men became silent and looked to the captain, their
leader, for his usual command. The captain, calm as
ever, bellowed, "Bring me my brown pants!"

===========================================


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===========================================

There's a little fellow named Junior who hangs out at the
local grocery store.  The manager doesn't know what Junior's
problem is, but the boys like to tease him.  The boys say he
is two bricks short of a load, or two pickles shy of a barrel.

To prove it, sometimes the boys offer Junior his choice
between a nickel and a dime.  He always takes the nickel,
they say, because it's bigger.

One day after Junior grabbed the nickel, the store manager
got him off to one side and said, "Junior, those boys are
making fun of you.  They think you don't know the dime is
worth more than the nickel.  Are you grabbing the nickel
because it's bigger, or what?"

Junior said, "No sir, you see, if I took the dime, they'd quit
doing it and giving me free nickels!"

============================================


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==================================

From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Donovan
Re: Ubuntu

Dear  Webby,
I'm thrilled with Vista.  It's driving people crazy enough,
not just to turn them off of Vista, but to leave them with
a bad taste for Microsoft in general.  It's been a great
shot-in-the-arm for Linux.  I appreciate you mentioning
it by-the-way.

If anyone's interested, the most user-friendly distro for
my money is still Ubuntu at www.ubuntulinux.org.  Anyone
who's interested in trying it out is welcome to e-mail me
and I'll give them instructions.
Thanks,
Donovan

Dear Donovan
I agree that anybody who tried Vista while hoping for
performance, versatility and compatibility, was quickly
disgusted and chased over to the Linux camp.

I am not a Microsoft basher, but I think that Vista belongs
on the same shelf as where DOS 4 wound up. I loved
DOS 3.3, and I loved DOS 5, but DOS 4 was one to skip.

Most likely Microsoft has realized by now that the silent
majority is skipping Vista, and that the noisy power users
are driven to Linux. Don't be surprised if there will be an
SP4 upgrade for XP, and if the next operating system after
Vista is lean and mean and almost as fast as Linux.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

==========================================
    Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
    100% Guarantee & Free shipping
    Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
    Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
    http://www.Ask4Ink.com
==========================================

Deeli's Kudos
March 18, 2007 - Louisville, Kentucky - AP

A Michigan man who became the nation's third successful
hand transplant recipient expects his new right hand to get a
workout holding a fishing rod once he returns home. David
Savage, an auto-parts plant supervisor from Bay City, Mich.,
will go home Saturday to continue his painstaking therapy
following his 15-hour surgery Nov. 29 at the hospital in
Louisville. The nation's first two hand transplant recipients
underwent surgery at the same hospital.

Savage said Friday that his new hand is getting stronger
and more flexible.

''I'm getting more movement out of the fingers and thumb,''
he said in an interview. ''Sensation is starting to come back.
I'm feeling a lot of things that I didn't feel at first.''

Savage, 54, said he feels a tingling sensation in his right
palm and sometimes gets ''little shooting pains into the
fingertips.'' He said he can feel cold sensation with the hand
but still doesn't feel anything hot.

He lost his right hand in a machine press accident more than
30 years ago. After his accident, Savage used a prosthetic
device.

Savage, who wears a brace on the new hand, said he
expects to return to work in about a month, and looks
forward to using it for ''basic, everyday life stuff.''

''I can't wait to get out fishing and use two hands,'' he said.

=============================================

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
http://fire-cat.com/blog/
You can email to the Express Empress at
3empress@fire-cat.com,  and she will post it into the blog for you.
=============================================

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Grow Plants for Gifts 
I take cuttings of my indoor and outdoor plants and begin
new ones in saved plastic planters. These are my
"give away" plants. Last week alone, I saved money
by being able to use them as "thank you" gifts. Wrap
them up in some cellophane with ribbons and they
look store bought. By Kathy


Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFun
http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml
Highly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest


If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt
       
========================================

Bush and Powell are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in
and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell?"

The barman says "Yep, thats them."

So the guy walks over and says, "Hello, what are
you guys doing?"

Bush answers, "We're planning World War III."

The guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"

Then Powell replies, "Well, we're going to kill 22 million
Iranians this time and one big busted bicycle repair lady
in Seattle."

And the guy exclaimed, "A bicycle repair lady?!!!"

So Powell turns to Bush and says, " See, I told you
no-one would worry about the 22 million Iranians!"

=============================================

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

========================================

A big executive boarded a New York to Chicago train. He
explained to the porter, "I'm a heavy sleeper, but I want you
to be sure and wake me up at 3:00 am for the stop in Buffalo.
I don't care what I say, you just make sure I get off in Buffalo."

The next morning the executive woke up in Chicago. He was
furious. He found the porter and really gave him an earful before
hustling off to purchase a return ticket.

After he left, a co-worker said to the porter, "How can you
stand there and let that passenger abuse you like that?"

"That's nothing," said the porter. "You should have heard
the guy whom I chucked out into the rain in Buffalo!"

========================================

Thanks to Brook for this Bonus Link:
National Geographic News
http://news.nationalgeographic.com/index.html

========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

Give a free gift subscription to a friend!
========================================

Well, , that's all for today.

have FUN !
Dear Webby

[ add comment ]   |  permalink  |  related link  |   ( 0 / 0 )

---

Dear Webby: Why not Vista? 

Friday, March 23, 2007, 04:37 AM

Good Morning,   !
Friday,  March 23, 2007
Wear something red today to show your support for the troops!
======================================

Stop complaining about what you're not getting,
and start creating what you want."
--- Dr. Phil McGraw

=======================================

Thanks to Dave for this confession:
The first prayer I ever learned was
"God is great, God is good,
let us thank him for this food".

Unfortunately, I had also just learned the patty-cake poem.
Picture it! A quiet Sunday dinner -- The family asks the
youngest child to say grace.
He is nervous -- but manages to pray:
"God is great, God is good,
roll him roll him, throw him in the pan".
Oops!

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

A neighbor who is always borrowing tools approaches the
house next door one Saturday morning.

"He won't get away with it this time," the homeowner tells
wife. "Watch this," he says, as he opens the door to greet
the neighbor.

"Er, I wonder if you'd be using your power saw this morning?"
the neighbor asks.

"Gee, I'm awfully sorry," the man says, with a smug look,
"but the fact of the matter is, I'll be using it all day."

"In that case," says the neighbor, "you won't be using your
golf clubs. Mind if I borrow them?"

===========================================

  Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
===========================================

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Michael Bonnie, 36, of Costa Mesa, California

Nap Attack ?
March 13, 2007 - Costa Mesa, California - AP

A Laguna Niguel man allegedly broke into a woman's home
and fell asleep on her couch naked, according to police.
The woman called authorities early Saturday morning after
waking up to find Michael Bonnie, 36, on her couch covered
by a blanket, Costa Mesa Police Sgt. Matt Grimmold said.
The two did not appear to know each other, Grimmold said.

Police arrested Bonnie on suspicion of residential burglary
and indecent exposure. He is being held on $250,000 bail.

===========================================


 Need some
unique March cards
in a hurry?
There is a great selection at Hicards MARCH
 
===========================================

Thanks to Roland for sending this picture:

A man does need a woman sometimes!!
Roland

Roland, you better not let Ruth see your comment, or you
might be in big trouble!

===========================================

Thanks to Sandie for this story:

Consider the case of Frederick II, an 18th-century king of
Prussia. Frederick fancied himself an enlightened monarch,
and in some respects he was. On one occasion, he is
supposed to have interested himself in the conditions of a
Berlin prison. He was escorted through it so that he might
speak to the prisoners.

One after the other, the prisoners fell to their knees before
him, bewailing their lot and, predictably, protesting their
utter innocence of all charges that had been brought against
them.

Only one prisoner remained silent, and finally Frederick's
curiosity was aroused.

"You," he called. "You, there!"

The prisoner looked up. "Yes, Your Majesty?"

"Why are you here?"

"Armed robbery, Your Majesty."

"And are you guilty?"

"Entirely guilty, Your Majesty. I richly deserve my punishment."

At this Frederick rapped his cane sharply on the ground and
said, "Warden, release this guilty wretch at once. I will not have
him here in jail where by example he will corrupt all the splendid
innocent people who occupy it."

===========================================


 LEGAL  Music
25 FREE downloads
Just 33 cents or less after that.
Ready for iPod or burning onto CD
or playing off your computer.
Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic


===========================================

A cardiac specialist died and at his funeral the coffin was placed in
front of a huge mock up of a heart made up of flowers. When the pastor
finished with the sermon and eulogy, and after everyone said their
good-byes, the heart opened, the coffin rolled inside and the heart
closed. Just then one of the mourners burst into laughter.

The guy next to him asked: "Why are you laughing?"

"I was thinking about my own funeral" the man replied.

"What's so funny about that?"

"I'm a gynecologist."

============================================


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    Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems
    We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer!
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==================================

From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Eleanor
Re: Why not Vista?

Dear  Webby,
Why are you so set against Vista?
We use it at work, factory pre-installed on new machines.
It's a bit slower, actually quite a bit slower, but we get
paid by the hour. We still get about the same amount of
work done because games and music, and most things
that are not strictly work, don't work on Vista anyway.
When you look at it from a strictly work point of view,
it is supposedly safer and more secure, because the
hackers and virus writers haven't figured it out yet.
Eleanor

Dear Eleanor
Windows XP has been patched so many times that it looks
like a duck taped mummy, and is actually quite secure. It
will take years for Vista to get patched up to the same level.
Many of us are hoping that long before then Microsoft will
come out with a lean and mean and fast successor to Vista.
If they don't, more and more people are migrating to Linux.

Aside from being slow, Vista is not ready for the general
public. A lot of the drivers for printers, scanners, cameras,
video cards, sound cards, games, etc are not included or
in many cases have not even been written yet.

For example, if you were an accountant and used a dual monitor
video card and two monitors, Vista could not handle the second
monitor. The same goes for the better sound cards, a lot of
printers and most scanners, that are over a year old.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

==========================================
    Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
    100% Guarantee & Free shipping
    Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
    Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
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==========================================

Deeli's Kudos
March 18, 2007 - Commerce City, Colorado - AP

After an absence of more than a century, wild bison were
returned to Colorado's Front Range on Saturday in full view
of Denver's skyline.

Sixteen buffalo from the National Bison Range in northwestern
Montana were released in an enclosed 1,400-acre section of
a wildlife refuge that formerly was the Rocky Mountain Arsenal,
where once nerve gas and other chemical weapons were
manufactured.

''The release went very smoothly. We would say this was a
tremendous success,'' said Matt Kales, spokesman for the
U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service. He said the animals were released
in an area that had never been used for the manufacture of
weapons.

The 17,000-acre arsenal is being cleaned up and transformed
from a chemical weapons and pesticide manufacturing center
into the Rocky Mountain Arsenal National wildlife Refuge.

The refuge, about 10 miles from downtown Denver, already is
home to deer, bald eagles and hundreds of other species.

The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service, which manages the parts of
the arsenal that have been cleaned up, said bison were once a
key part of the area's short-grass prairie ecosystem.

''The short grass left by grazing bison is ideal habitat for
prairie dog colonies, which in turn provide habitat and
prey for rare species such as burrowing owls, hawks and
swift foxes,'' said Jonathan Proctor of Defenders of Wildlife.
''Bison also add nutrients to the soil and create wallows which
can attract several types of birds.''

Kales said Fish and Wildlife officials don't believe the bison will
try to get out of their enclosure, but employees will have tranquilizer
guns and escape plans ready as a precaution.

==========================================

Happy Birthday,
Empress!

Thanks for another year of
Outlook Express Help!
DearWebby









Go to http://champs.posty.com and use one of
the Champions' postcards to
send the Empress a
birthday wish!

=============================================

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
http://fire-cat.com/blog/
You can email to the Express Empress at
3empress@fire-cat.com,  and she will post it into the blog for you.
=============================================

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Cooking Ahead 
A lot of time cooking is spent waiting around for one thing
or another to get done. Water needs to boil or the oven
needs to heat up. Start working on tomorrow's meal with
this time. Freeze or refrigerate prepped ingredients.
You will appreciate the head start.


Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFun
http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml
Highly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest


If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt
       
========================================

Scientists were excited this week at having isolated a brief
sound which occurred immediately before the Big Bang.

Apparently, that sound was "uh oh."

=============================================

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

========================================

A man went on a ski trip, and was knocked unconscious by
the chair lift.

He called his insurance company from the hospital, but it
refused to cover his injury.

"Why is the injury not covered?" he asked.

"You got hit in the head by a chair lift," the insurance rep
said. "That makes you an idiot, and we consider that a
pre-existing condition."

========================================

Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link:
Music Map
http://www.music-map.com/

========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

Give a free gift subscription to a friend!
========================================

Well, , that's all for today.

have FUN !
Dear Webby

[ add comment ]   |  permalink  |  related link  |   ( 0 / 0 )

---

Dear Webby: Vista or not 

Thursday, March 22, 2007, 02:53 AM

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  March 22, 2007
======================================

Communication works for those who work at it."
— John Powell

=======================================

Thanks to Kati for this story:
The IRS decides to audit Ralph, and summons him to the IRS office. The
IRS auditor is not surprised when Ralph shows up with his attorney.

The auditor says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no
Full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money
gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."

"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Ralph. "How about a
Demonstration?"

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."

Ralph says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."

The auditor thinks a moment and says, "No way! It's a bet."

Ralph removes his glass eye and bites it.

The auditor's jaw drops.

Ralph says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can
bite my other eye."

The auditor can tell Ralph isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Ralph removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost
three grand,

With Ralph's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

"Want to go double or nothing?" Ralph asks.
"I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side
of your desk, pee into that wastebasket on the other side,
and never get a drop anywhere in between."

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks
carefully and decides there's no way this guy can manage
that stunt, so he agrees again.

Ralph stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but
although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach
the wastebasket on other side, so he pretty much urinates
all over the desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned
a major loss into a huge win. But Ralph's attorney moans
and puts his head in his hands.

"Are you okay?" the auditor asks.

"Not really," says the attorney.  "This morning, when Ralph
told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty
thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all
over your desk and that you'd be happy about it."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

An old woman came into her doctor's office and
confessed to an embarrassing problem.

"I fart all the time, Doctor Johnson, but they're
soundless, and they have no odor. In fact, since
I've been here, I've farted no less than twenty
times. What can I do?"

"Here's a prescription, Mrs. Harris. Take these
pills three times a day for seven days and come
back and see me in a week."

Next week an upset Mrs. Harris marched into
Dr. Johnson's office.

"Doctor, I don't know what was in those pills,
but the problem is worse! I'm farting just as
much, but now they smell terrible! What do
you have to say for yourself?"

"Calm down, Mrs. Harris," said the doctor
soothingly. "Now that we've fixed
your sinuses, we'll work on your hearing!!!"

===========================================

  Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
===========================================

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Thomas Lee Reagan, 45, in Hudson, Hudson, New Hampshire

Poor manners
March 13, 2007 - Hudson, New Hampshire - IBS

An order of double cheeseburgers turned into an unhappy
meal over the weekend at a Hudson McDonald's restaurant.

Hudson police said Thomas Lee Reagan, 45, complained
about the quality of the two double cheeseburgers he ordered
at about 8 p.m. Saturday at the McDonald's on Derry Road.

"Apparently Mr. Reagan was served a hamburger that was
not up to his standards. After he complained to the manager
regarding the quality of the food, (the restaurant) refunded
his money and, apparently, he wasn't happy with that," said
Sgt. Donna Briggs of the Hudson Police Department.

According to court records, Reagan complained about his
food being greasy and was refunded $2.16 but Reagan
began yelling obscenities, forcing several patrons with
young children to leave.

"After initially confronting the store manager, Reagan went
behind the counter apparently to engage the cook in some
verbal confrontation," Briggs said.

When police arrived, they felt that Reagan was intoxicated
and tried to get him to leave the McDonald's property,
officials said.

"He became belligerent; threw his food on the ground,"
said Capt. Don Breault of the Hudson Police Department.
"The officers wound up charging him with disorderly conduct
and resisting arrest, at which time, he got in a fight with the
officers; threw a punch at one of the officers.
They went to the ground, and a second officer at the scene
actually used a Taser gun on Reagan."

Both police officers suffered minor injuries. Reagan had a
cut on his head that needed nine stitches to close.

Reagan was charged with criminal trespassing and three
counts of simple assault. He was released on $1,000
personal recognizance bail.

===========================================


 Need some
unique March cards
in a hurry?
There is a great selection at Hicards MARCH
 
===========================================

Thanks to my Trevor for sending this picture:

Irish Gentleman

===========================================

A professor was giving a lecture on company slogans in a
college advertising and marketing class.
"Joe," he asked, "which company has the slogan, 'Come fly
the friendly skies'?"
"United." Joe answered.
"Brenda, can you tell me which company has the slogan,
"Don't leave home without it?"
Brenda answered the correct credit card company with no
difficulty.
"Now John, Tell me which company uses the slogan, 'Just
do it'?"

And John answered, "Mom."

===========================================


 LEGAL  Music
25 FREE downloads
Just 33 cents or less after that.
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or playing off your computer.
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===========================================

A reporter from New York was visiting an old colleague
who now edited a newspaper in a tiny Vermont town.

I don't see how you do it," the NY reporter said. "How can
you drum up interest in the news when everybody in town
knows what everybody else is doing?"

Sure they know," the editor said, "but they read the paper
to see who got caught at it."

============================================


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==================================

From the Tech Support Pits:
From:
Re:

Dear  Webby,
Are you getting  complaints  about  the new Vista?
I went  from  Win. 98, second..........to a new HP running Vista,
I am not really that knowledgeable  about computers and
I  am pulling  my  hair out.   "They"   said  it was "so user
friendly that a  child  could run it! "
They"  lied!    For  starters, I  can not  use  my scanner, or
camera......I cannot  use  any  of the programs
that  I  have used,  such  as  Microsoft's  'Picture It' .....
Webroot spy sweeper  and  so on and so on.    Can you
direct me to a  good tutorial on Vista,  if  one exists?
Perhaps  it's  just  me........."Old dogs and
new tricks"   etc.    but  I  am  so   un-happy with this
system.
Help..................please!
Joanne

Dear Joanne
Yes, all comments re Vita I got so far are unfavorable.
That is exactly why I mentioned a number of times,
that you should stay with XP and skip Vista.

It's not a matter of old dogs, it's a matter of a half
baked operating system.

There is no point in lowering your standards and
learning to live with the shortcomings of Vista.
You will just get more frustrated every day.
Check with HP if you can trade the machine for an XP
machine.

If you can't, write it off as a learning experience.
Buy Windows XP, format the drive (after backing up
the data that you want to keep), and install Windows XP.

You might be able to flog your Vista CD on ebay, but
there is less and less demand for it.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

==========================================
    Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
    100% Guarantee & Free shipping
    Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
    Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
    http://www.Ask4Ink.com
==========================================

Deeli's Kudos
March 18, 2007 - Superior, Wisconsin - AP

Jeff Rolson is just relieved he didn't get sent to the
principal's office. The 40-something Rolson last week dropped
by Superior Senior High School, where he graduated in 1977,
to get a copy of his transcript for a plumbing apprenticeship.
That's when he found out he had two outstanding debts $7.95
for a missing algebra book and $5 for an unpaid physical
education fee. A secretary told him he had to pay up before
he could get his transcript.

"I told her, 'Do you realize this was 30 years ago?'" he said.

Rolson says he doesn't understand why the school didn't
contact him earlier. After all, he still lives in Superior and his
daughter attends the school.

"Nobody contacted me, so I ended up paying the $13 to get
my transcript," he said.

State law prevents a school district from withholding
documents such as transcripts and diplomas, said district
superintendent Jay Mitchell. But it's not uncommon for
districts to try to collect unpaid fees and fines before
providing documents, he said.

Rolson caught one break, though.

"She did forget the $2 fee for the transcript," he said.

He's also grateful the school didn't charge him interest.

"It was 13 bucks. If they had charged me interest all these
years compounded for 30 years I don't know what the bill
might have been," he said.

Maybe he didn't have the algebra book after all.

=============================================

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
http://fire-cat.com/blog/
You can email to the Express Empress at
3empress@fire-cat.com,  and she will post it into the blog for you.
=============================================

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Crystal That Repels Dust 
First, wash crystal items and dry them immediately, making
sure that the item is spotless. Using 1/2 of a dryer
softener sheet, gently rub on the crystal. This will leave
a dull residue on it. Use a soft cloth to buff the crystal
to remove the residue. The crystal should gleam and
repel dust.


Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFun
http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml
Highly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest


If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt
       
========================================

The tall, handsome, confident gentleman walked over
to the girl and made a disparaging remark about the
men who had been chatting her up.  She laughed gaily,
"When I don't want a man's attentions," she confided,
"and he asks where I live, I just say, 'I'm visiting here'."

"Ha-ha,"  he laughed, relishing her humor.
"Where do you really live?"

"I'm just visiting here."

=============================================

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

========================================

"Doctor!" whined the patient.
"I keep seeing spots before my eyes."

The physician scratched his head,
"Why have you come to me?  Have you seen
an opthalmologist?"

"No," replied the patient, "just spots."

========================================

Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link:
Games for the brain
http://www.gamesforthebrain.com/all/

========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

Give a free gift subscription to a friend!
========================================

Well, , that's all for today.

have FUN !
Dear Webby

[ add comment ]   |  permalink  |  related link  |   ( 0 / 0 )

---

Dear Webby: Spreadsheet or Monitor? 

Wednesday, March 21, 2007, 03:17 AM

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  March 21, 2007
Happy First Day of Spring!
======================================

One needs something to believe in,
something for which one can have wholehearted enthusiasm.
--- Hannah Senesh

A gossip is one who talks to you about others, a bore is
one who talks to you about himself; and a brilliant conver-
sationalist is one who talks to you about yourself.
--- Lisa Kirk

Programming today is a race between software engineers
striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs,
and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots.
So far, the Universe is winning.
--- Rich Cook

=======================================

We were listening to a lecture on psychic phenomena in our
Comparative Religions course. Our instructor told us about a
woman who contacted police working on a missing-persons
case. "She gave eerily detailed instructions on where to
find the body," the teacher said.

"In fact, the detectives did find the body just as she had
described. Now what would you call that kind of person?"

While the rest of us pondered the question, a sheriff's
officer taking the course raised his hand and replied,
"A suspect."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Thanks to Rubye for this story:

A Florida couple, both well into their 80s, goes to a sex
therapist's office. The doctor asks, "What can I do for you?"

The man says, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"

The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that
such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that
he agrees.

When the couple finishes, the doctor says,
"There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have
intercourse."

He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck,
charges them $50, and says good-bye.

The next week, however, the couple returns and asks the
sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit
puzzled, but agrees.

This happens several weeks in a row. The couple makes
an appointment, they have intercourse with no problems,
pay the doctor, then leave.

Finally, after 5 or 6 weeks of this routine, the doctor says,
"I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to
find out?"

The old man says, "We're not trying to find out anything.
She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married
and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $98.
The Hilton charges $139. We do it here for $50, and I get
$43 back from Medicare.

===========================================

  Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
===========================================

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Dennis Riker, 41, of Hillside, NJ

Dumb place to stash drugs!
March 17, 2007 - Hillside, New Jersey - AP

Police here say a man charged with drug possession had an
unusual place to store his stash: his 6-year-old daughter's
jacket pocket. Dennis Riker, 41, raised suspicions Monday
morning when he stopped by his daughter's school in Hillside,
saying he had left his keys in her jacket.

But the staff at the A.P. Morris School would not let him in
because Riker was not the girl's legal guardian. That role
belonged to the girl's grandmother.

Police said Riker, unbeknownst to the school, called the
woman to ask her to come to the school. Meanwhile, school
officials called her, too, but believed someone else answered
and impersonated the woman. And then, the actual grandmother
arrived, saying she wanted the girl's jacket.

It was all so strange that principal Tracey Wolff called
police to the school. An officer checked the coat and found
25 vials of cocaine and a half-ounce rock of crack in the
pocket inside.

Riker was charged with drug possession with intent to
distribute and possessing drugs within 1,000 feet of a
school. He was being held in municipal jail on $40,000 bail.

The grandmother said her son duped her into asking for
the jacket.

And the 6-year-old? Authorities said she had no idea what
was in her pocket.

"It's unconscionable that an adult would knowingly put drugs
in a child's coat pocket," Police Chief Robert Quinlan told
The Star-Ledger of Newark for Tuesday's newspapers.

===========================================


 Need some
unique March cards
in a hurry?
There is a great selection at Hicards MARCH
 
===========================================

Thanks to my dad for sending these pictures:

Star Magnolia, March 18/07


Former Star Magnolia, March 20/07

So much for Global Warming!

===========================================

His wife had just bought a new line of expensive cosmetics
absolutely guaranteed to make her looks years longer.

She sat in front of the mirror for what had to be hours
applying the "miracle" products.  Finally, when she was
done, she turned to her husband and said, "Hon, honestly
now, what age would you say I am?"

He nodded his head in assessment, and carefully said,
"Well, hon, judging from your skin, twenty.  Your hair,
mmmm, eighteen.  Your figure, twenty-five."

"Oh, you're so sweet!"

"Well, hang on, I'm not done adding it up yet."

===========================================


 LEGAL  Music
25 FREE downloads
Just 33 cents or less after that.
Ready for iPod or burning onto CD
or playing off your computer.
Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic


===========================================

A husband and wife went to the fairgrounds. The wife wanted
to go on the Ferris wheel, but the husband wasn't comfortable
with that. So the wife went on the ride by herself.

The wheel went round and round and suddenly the wife was
thrown out and landed in a heap at her husband's feet.

"Are you hurt?" he asked.

"Of course I'm hurt!" she replied. "Three times around and you
didn't wave once!"

============================================


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    Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation
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    We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer!
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==================================

From the Tech Support Pits:
From: George
Re: Spreadsheet / Monitor

Dear Webby:
I recently bought a new flat panel monitor by ACER. And
since then sometime my MSWorks spreadsheets are black
when I open them! The font is black or Auto. so I can't see
anything unless I have changed the font color. When I exit
Works and re-open the spreadsheet it reverts to the default!
Is there anything I can do to get it right the first time?
And not need to exit & re-open?
Thanks - Geo

Dear George
Keep in mind that MS-WORKS is a replacement for the old
Tandy Deskmate, and is just as old and limited. The problem
obviously is not in the hardware, since you are not changing
the hardware, you are just closing and opening a spreadsheet.

Go to ebay and look for an older Corell Office 9, 10, 11 or 12.
You can get them usually for around $10 - $15. Then you have
the equivalent of Microsoft Office at 1/50 of the cost, and
software that can cope with modern hardware. The included
spreadsheet, Quattro, is many thousands of times better than
the spreadsheet in Deskmate or MS-Works. That should
solve your problem instantly. Quattro can even read Excel
files and even produce Excel files, not just Quattro files.
That makes your spreadsheets compatible with everybody
else's and you are no longer painted into a corner.

Corell Office also includes the full WordPerfect and about
a dozen other programs like calendars, etc. Even version
8 is excellent, and I doubt you would be able to tell the
difference between 9 and 12.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

==========================================
    Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
    100% Guarantee & Free shipping
    Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
    Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
    http://www.Ask4Ink.com
==========================================

Deeli's Kudos
March 14, 2007 - Murfreesboro, Arkansas - AP

Dr. Hiram Ward, 81, who began his practice in the rural
Arkansas county five years before Pike County Memorial
Hospital was built in 1958, became the hospital's only
medical staff member in January.

Ward provided doctor's care to patients at the 32-bed
hospital by himself until last week when Dr. Tommy Gray,
who lives 148 miles away at Conway, heard about the
hospital's plight and began helping out temporarily,
says hospital administrator Rosemary Fritts.

''I volunteered to come out of retirement,'' Ward says.
''Nobody asked me to. I came back so that our hospital
would stay open.''

The hospital employs 55 people and is the second-largest
employer in Murfreesboro behind the school district.
With the hospital struggling financially, county voters in
December approved a three-eighths-cent sales tax to
boost its revenues.

Although the hospital's patient referral list has declined
with patients referred to larger hospitals in Hot Springs,
Nashville and Texarkana, Ward says there is no substitute
for the kind of care people get at the hospital in
Murfreesboro.

''We have a coronary care unit and we do stabilize people
who have heart attacks and send them off to get bypasses
and stents put in,'' Ward says. ''Quite a few of them would
lose their life if the hospital wasn't here.''

He says some physicians in the new generation don't
know patients. ''They don't know how to correlate the
problem with the patient's environment and their family
setting,'' Ward says. ''The family setting means a lot:
what kind of job you're doing and the situation you are in.
Whether you are getting along with your wife or not.

''We've known these people forever. It's like taking care
of them at home,'' he says. ''It's important to people and
you feel much more secure. A big part of getting better
is the faith you have in the doctor.''

Ward plans to retire — again — as soon as the hospital
signs contracts with two physicians to work there. Hospital
officials say Pike County Memorial will continue to have
physician coverage 24 hours a day, seven days a week
as they actively recruit physicians to the area.

=============================================

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
http://fire-cat.com/blog/
You can email to the Express Empress at
3empress@fire-cat.com,  and she will post it into the blog for you.
=============================================

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Frugal Haircuts 
My husband has very short hair and only needs a hair cut
about every two months. I bought a pair of clippers for
$20.00 and now I do the trimming. One trim paid for the
clippers. He now goes in about every second cut, just to
get things straightened out. By Beckie


Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFun
http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml
Highly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest


If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt
       
========================================

My wife and I were dining out at a nice restaurant. I overheard
the couple at the next table discussing their bill.

"Well Mary," said the man, "Near as I can figure, based of
the price of the ham dinner you just ate, we got a hog back
on the farm that's worth at least $137,000."

=============================================

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

========================================

A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: "I have
decided to plant some vegetables in the back garden. When is
the best time to plant them?"

The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail,
replied in a letter, "Dear wife, whatever you do, do not
touch the back garden. That is where the dope dealer next
door buries all his dope and money. He might get upset!"

A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife:
"You won't believe what happened, some men came with shovels
to the house, and dug up all the back garden."

The prisoner wrote another letter: "Dear wife, now is the best
time to plant the vegetables."

========================================

Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link:
Games for the brain
http://www.gamesforthebrain.com/all/

========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
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Well, , that's all for today.

have FUN !
Dear Webby

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Dear Webby: Reverse PIN 

Tuesday, March 20, 2007, 03:51 AM

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  March 20, 2007
======================================

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability
to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable
for their apparent disinclination to do so.
--- Douglas Adams

When I give a lecture, I accept that people look at their
watches, but what I do not tolerate is when they look at it
and raise it to their ear to find out if it stopped.
--- Marcel Achard

=======================================

A golfer is playing a round of golf with his buddies. On the
sixth hole he proceeds to splash five balls in a row into the
water.

Frustrated over his poor golfing ability, and about ready to
hit somebody, he heaves his golf clubs into the water, and
begins to walk off the course.

Then all of a sudden he turns around and jumps back in the
lake, his buddies apparently thinking he is going to retrieve
his clubs.

When he comes out of the water he doesn't have his clubs and
begins to walk off the course.

One of his buddies asks, "Why did you jump into the lake?"

He responds, "I left my car keys in the bag."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Two women go out one weekend without their husbands.
As they came back, right before dawn, both of them drunk,
they felt the urge to pee. They noticed the only place to stop
was a cemetery. Scared and drunk,they stopped and decided
to go there anyway.

The first one did not have anything to clean herself with, so
she took off her panties and used them to clean herself and
discarded them. The second not finding anything either, thought
"I'm not getting rid of my panties..." so she used the ribbon of a
flower wreath to clean herself.

The morning after, the two husbands were talking to each other
on the phone, and one says to the other: "We have to be on the
look-out, it seems that these two were up to no Good last night,
my wife came home without her panties...".

The other one responded: "You're lucky, mine came home with a
card stuck to her ass that read,
"We will never forget you!
The Volunteer Fire Department"

===========================================

  Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
===========================================

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to a 45 year old woman in Napier, New Zealand

Officer, I need some jail time,
or at least some education!

March 9, 2007 - Wellington, New Zealand - AP
A middle-aged New Zealand woman rang police to report a
theft of cannabis plants she had been growing in buckets at
her North Island home, local media reported Saturday.

The crying woman told a constable at the police station in
the city of Napier the plant theft was the fourth from her
property in four years. The woman, 45, lamented someone
had again sneaked on to her property at night to steal her
three carefully nurtured marijuana plants.

"I am a good person. I am sick of these low-life's stealing
my things," the woman told a police communications officer.

Senior Sergeant Mal Lochrie told local media late Friday
the officer found it hard not to laugh as the women gave
details of the theft over the phone.

---------------
She seems dopey enough without her dope.

===========================================


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unique March cards
in a hurry?
There is a great selection at Hicards MARCH
 
===========================================

Thanks to Sandie for sending this picture:


This Heron was patiently mooching at the parking lot side
loading dock entrace to a restaurant kitchen where we
WITW-IB stopped for lunch
on our Sunday ride.
Sandie

===========================================

Dave went on a business trip for a few days. When he
returned, his wife reported that the dog really missed him.
"She spent every night at the front door, waiting for you
to come home," she said.

"What an example of devotion," Dave replied. "I wonder if
you'd be that concerned about me?"

"Honey," she answered, caressing her marble rolling pin,
"if you were gone overnight, and I didn't know where you
were, you can be sure I'd be waiting for you at the front
door."

===========================================


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===========================================

Seven year old Johnny had finished his vacation and gone
back to school.  Two days later his teacher phoned his
mother to tell her that John was misbehaving.

"Wait a minute," she said.  "I had Johnny here for two
months and I never called you once when he misbehaved."

============================================


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==================================

From the Tech Support Pits:
From: BundlePuppy:
Re: Reversed PIN

Dear Webby:
I received this fwd from a friend of mine and was wondering
if this information is true or just another Internet scam?


Dear BundlePuppy
It's not a scam, since nobody profits from it, but it's not true.

While the Reverse PIN has worked fine for three decades on
burglar alarm and door access systems, the banks are fighting
the Reverse PIN tooth and nail and with heavy lobbying at the
state and federal level.

What is really hypocritical, is that most banks use the
Reverse PIN trick on their door access systems, but spend
big money lobbying against it's use at the ATM level.

Since the ATMs already have a modem and already are
connected, and often also have a separate connection for
a security alarm, it would just be a matter of a few lines of
code in the bank side programming. Instead they use lame
excuses such as that there might some day be a victim who
gets confused during the stress of a hold-up and might not
be able to reverse the number. It's tough luck for the
Billions who would have no problem punching in the PIN in
reverse order, just like they got it written on the back page
of their checkbook.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

==========================================
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==========================================

Deeli's Kudos
March 14, 2007 - Lamont, California - AP

On a sunny day when her fellow college students were
grabbing beach towels and beer, Nathalie Sanchez was
knocking on the doors of farmworkers left jobless after a
freeze killed much of the state's citrus crop.

It's not the first spring break she's spent doing service work
instead of shots. Sanchez was among 10 students from
Loyola Marymount University who spent a week this month
with San Joaguin Valley farmworkers, learning about the history
of the rural labor movement and organizing a food and clothing
drive for out-of-work field hands.

The program — a partnership between Loyola Marymount and the
Dolores Huerta Foundation, a Bakersfield-based nonprofit named
for the co-founder of the United Farm Workers union — is among
a growing number of ''alternative'' spring breaks in which students
skip the boozy revelry in favor of volunteer work.

In the past, Sanchez traveled to the Dominican Republic for
a fair trade coffee effort and to Guatemala to help with
community development in a Mayan village. This year, the senior
art major from Cudahy stayed closer to home. Lamont, the
farming community she visited, is about 110 miles north of
her school's Los Angeles campus.

''We understand there are issues that affect communities
that are in our own country, and here, in our own state,''
Sanchez said.

In this city of about 13,000, the everyday concerns include
pesticide drift and organizing to fight for better wages. But
these days the main topic of conversation is the cold snap,
which somehow does not seem to fit with the fashionable
Global Warming hysteria.

Several days of subfreezing temperatures in January ruined
more than $1 billion worth of citrus and other crops, according
to the state, the most devastating blow to the industry in more
than a decade. As many as 28,000 laborers lost their jobs.

Sanchez and the other students sorted donated clothes and
filled boxes with bread and canned food for farmworkers.
They went door to door assessing needs and telling workers
about the food and clothing giveaway.

=============================================

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
http://fire-cat.com/blog/
You can email to the Express Empress at
3empress@fire-cat.com,  and she will post it into the blog for you.
=============================================

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Save on Fabric Softener
I mix 4-5 caps full of liquid softener in a gallon of water.
I keep a few small sponges in the bucket, wring one out
and toss it in the dryer. This works great and saves on
dryer sheets. When you take the clothes out of the dryer,
put the sponge back in the bucket. By Shellie


Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFun
http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml
Highly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest


If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt
       
========================================

An elderly gentlemen went in for his annual physical
exam. The doctor said, "You're in incredible shape. How
old are you again?" The man replied, "I am 78."

The doctor exclaimed, "Wow, 78. How do you stay so
healthy? You look like a 60 year old." The man
explained, "Well, my wife and I made a pact when we got
married that whenever she got mad she would go into the
kitchen and cool off and I would go outside to settle
down."

"What does that have to do with it?" asked the doctor.
The man sighed, "I've pretty much lived an outdoor
life."

=============================================

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

========================================

  One day, a little girl is sitting and watching her mother do the
 dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly notices that her
 mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast
 to her brunette hair. She looks at her mother and inquisitively
 asks, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied,
 "Well, every time that a little girl does something wrong and makes
 her mommy cry or makes her unhappy, one of her hairs turns white."

 The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and said:

 "You muft have really piffed off Grandma."

========================================

Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link:
Art of Inga Nielse
http://tinyurl.com/23mr5t

========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

Give a free gift subscription to a friend!
========================================

Well, , that's all for today.

have FUN !
Dear Webby

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