---

Good Morning, !
Today is Friday,  June 29
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Ivy Leaguer, Nobel nominee with long list of 
liberal bona fides arrested for child porn 
and activity with kids
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, June 29 in
1946 British authorities arrested more than 2,700 Jews in Palestine
in an attempt to end alleged terrorism. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
Most people have seen worse things in private than they 
pretend to be shocked at in public.
--- Edgar Watson Howe (1853 - 1937) 
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Our priest suddenly became ill and asked his twin brother, also
a priest, to fill in for him and conduct a funeral Mass
scheduled for that day. His brother, of course, agreed. It was
not until the brother was accompanying the casket down the
aisle, however, that he realized that he had neglected to ask
the sex of the deceased. This was information that he would need
for his remarks during the service.

As he approached the first pew where the deceased's relatives
were seated he nodded toward the casket and whispered to one
woman, "Brother or sister?"

"Cousin," she replied.
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________



_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________

Thanks to Lynn for this story:
As the owner of a clunker, I was used to dealing with a variety
of car breakdowns. One day at the supermarket, just after I had
filled my trunk with groceries, I noticed a stream of fluid
pouring out of the bottom of the car. I knew I had to get home
before the car was once again out of action.

When I arrived I asked my husband to take a look at the problem.
Expecting the worst, I braced myself for his diagnosis. When he
came back in, he was smiling. "It's apple juice," he said.
____________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Joel Davis,
22,
NYC,
New York

Ivy Leaguer, Nobel nominee with long list of 
liberal bona fides arrested for child porn 
and activity with kids

An Ivy Leaguer who ran an organization advocating for the end of
sexual violence has been arrested in New York for trying to set up
a sexual tryst with children as young as two.

Joel Davis was charged with attempting to sexually exploit a child,
enticing a child to engage in sexual activity and possessing child
pornography, The Washington Post reported.

What makes the case so egregious is that Davis, a 22-year-old
Columbia University student, is the founding executive director of
the international group Youth to End Sexual Violence, focused on
child victims, the newspaper reported.

He has worked alongside actress Angelina Jolie and was reportedly
nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Davis is also an active Hillary Clinton supporter.

An Ivy Leaguer who ran an organization advocating for the end of
sexual violence has been arrested in New York for trying to set up
a sexual tryst with children as young as two.

Joel Davis was charged with attempting to sexually exploit a child,
enticing a child to engage in sexual activity and possessing child
pornography, The Washington Post reported.

What makes the case so egregious is that Davis, a 22-year-old
Columbia University student, is the founding executive director of
the international group Youth to End Sexual Violence, focused on
child victims, the newspaper reported.

He has worked alongside actress Angelina Jolie and was reportedly
nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize.

Davis is also a Hillary Clinton supporter.

And his liberal bona fides don’t stop there, as he served as a
youth ambassador for the United Nations.
More from the Washington Post:
He was the founding executive director of the international
organization Youth to End Sexual Violence. He served as a youth
ambassador for the United Nations special representative on sexual
violence in conflict. He was on the steering committee of the
International Campaign to Stop Rape & Gender Violence in Conflict,
a group of more than 5,000 human rights organizations and experts
worldwide.

The Post reported that, according to a federal criminal complaint,
Davis exchanged text messages with undercover FBI agents, trying to
arrange meetings with a 9-year-old girl, an 8-year-old girl and a
2-year-old boy.

He allegedly sent sexually explicit photos and videos of children
and infants, and was clear in his communications with the FBI
agents that he wanted to engage in sex with children of any age

The complain also said Davis admitted to meeting a 13-year-old boy
on the dating app Grindr, speaking with him on Snapchat. He engaged
in sexual activity with the child in June at his Manhattan
apartment.

U.S. Attorney Geoffrey S. Berman called Davis’s alleged actions
“unfathomable.”

“Davis started an organization devoted to stopping sexual violence,
while allegedly engaged in the duplicitous behavior of sharing
explicit images of infants engaged in sexual activity,” Berman
said, according to The Post.

“The conduct alleged against Joel Davis is as unfathomable as it is
sickening,” he said, adding that “law enforcement will keep its
watchful eye on the darkest corners of the internet to bring
predators to justice.”



Tech Support Pits
From: Carlie
Re: Screen Savers

Dear Webby
I got all kinds of mail telling me that I need to buy a screen
saver to protect my monitor. Is there any truth to that?
Carlie

Dear Carlie
No truth to that at all. Today's monitors don't need screen savers.
If you need to hide netflix or farmville from nosy co-workers, you
can use the built in screen savers.

There is a big choice, all the way from pitch-black to slide show.
Next company party take pictures of all the boneheads and drunks,
and put them into a new folder. Then Select slideshow or photos for
the screen saver, and browse to THAT folder. You can select the
time it waits before starting, and how long it shows each picture.

Charge $25 to remove somebody's picture.

You can also take screen shots of the spreadsheets you work on, and
put them into a folder. Make that one flip slides quickly.

On one old machine, where I use a traditional screen saver, I use
Mystify from Windows 3.3. It still works.

There are also screen savers built in. Just right-click on the
desktop,
Personalize,
Screen Saver (right hand bottom)
and select one.

You can also google for "Free screen savers" and get all kinds of
them for your particular version of Windows.

For Gramma's birthday you can make her a screensaver with all the
pictrues you got that she would love to see. Put them onto a camera
chip or thumb drive, and sneak them into a new folder on her
machine, then set a screen saver to use those pictures. I bet it
will make her cry!

Have FUN
DearWebby



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.

Since this is their first party and the wife hasn't done much
cooking, the husband suggests they order out for Chinese
food and she could bake a cake for dessert. She agrees,
but on Friday afternoon, the wife calls her husband in tears.
"The only recipe I can find is for a cake that will feed four,"
she says.

"Why don't you just double the recipe?" her husband asks.
Just before quitting time the husband gets another call
from her, and this time she is frantic.

"I just can't do it," she says. "It's impossible."
"Now, now, what's the matter?"

"Well, I doubled everything, just like you said," she tells
him, "and it's ready to go in the oven."

"Then what's the problem?" he asks.
The wife sobs. "The book says that the cake must be
baked at 350 degrees. I've checked the oven and it doesn't
go up to 700 degrees!"



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




>From David
I'm also a counselor who helps coordinate support groups for
visually-impaired adults.  Many participants have a
condition known as macular degeneration, which makes it
difficult for them to distinguish facial features.

I had just been assigned to a new group and was
introducing myself.

Knowing that many in the group would not be able to see
me well, I jokingly said, "For those of you who can't
see me, I've been told that I look like a cross between
Paul Newman and Robert Redford."

Immediately, one woman called out, "We're not THAT blind!"
____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Inexpensive Desk
Make a great desk top out of an old smooth door
(knobs removed). Use short filing cabinets or milk crates
to support the door. This is a great way to recycle old
doors you may have sitting in your garage.

Some sanding and staining and then a few coats of marine
spar varnish will make it look really great and totally
impervious to ANY spills.

The darker you stain the door, the easier it will be on your
eyes. If the door is painted white, paint it brown or dark
green. The slate green that you may remember from old
school blackboards is the easiest on the eyes.
Have FUN!
DerWebby


Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com

____________________________________________________





Artist gives kids temporary tats to try to make hospital life more fun. Great guy!

___________________________________________________

A Swiss guy, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus
stop where two Americans are waiting.

"Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he asks.
The two Americans just stare at him.

"Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" he tries. The two
continue to stare. "Parlare Italiano?" No response.

"Hablan ustedes Espanol?" Still nothing.

The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted. The first
American turns to the second and says, "Y'know, maybe we
should learn a foreign language."

"Why?" says the other. "That guy knew four languages, and
it didn't do him any good."
___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Faced with hard times, the company offered a bonus of one thousand
dollars to any employee who could come up with a way of saving
money.

The bonus went to a young woman in accounting who suggested
limiting future bonuses to ten dollars.

The next morning her designated parking space was occupied by the
dumpster.
____________________________________________________



Today, June 29 in
1236 Ferdinand III of Castile and Leon took Cordoba in Spain. 

1652 Massachusetts declared itself an independent commonwealth. 

1767 The British Parliament approved the Townshend Revenue Acts.
The acts imposed import duties on glass, lead, paint, paper and tea
shipped to America. It did not go over well.

1776 The Virginia constitution was adopted and Patrick Henry was
made governor. 

1804 Privates John Collins and Hugh Hall of the Lewis and Clark
Expedition were found guilty by a court-martial consisting of
members of the Corps of Discovery for getting drunk on duty.
Collins received 100 lashes on his back and Hall received 50. 

1860 The first iron-pile lighthouse was completed at Minot’s Ledge,
MA. 

1880 France annexed Tahiti. 

1888 Professor Frederick Treves performed the first appendectomy in
England. 

1903 The British government officially protested Belgian atrocities
in the Congo. 

1905 Russian troops intervened as riots erupted in ports all over
the country. Many ships were looted. 

1917 The Ukraine proclaimed independence from Russia. 

1925 Marvin Pipkin filed for a patent for the frosted electric
light bulb. 

1926 Fascists in Rome added an hour to the work day in an economic
efficiency measure. 

1932 Siam’s army seized Bangkok and announced an end to the
absolute monarchy. 

1946 British authorities arrested more than 2,700 Jews in Palestine
in an attempt to end alleged terrorism. 

1950 U.S. President Harry S. Truman authorized a sea blockade of
Korea. 

1951 The United States invited the Soviet Union to the Korean peace
talks on a ship in Wonson Harbor. 

1953 The Federal Highway Act authorized the construction of 42,500
miles of freeway from coast to coast. 

1954 The Atomic Energy Commission voted against reinstating Dr. J.
Robert Oppenheimer's access to classified information. 

1955 The Soviet Union sent tanks to Poznan, Poland, to put down
anti-Communist demonstrations. 

1956 Marilyn Monroe and Arthur Miller were married. They were
divorced on January 20, 1961. 

1966 The U.S. bombed fuel storage facilities near the North
Vietnamese cities of Hanoi and Haiphong. 

1967 Israel removed barricades, re-unifying Jerusalem. 

1972 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the death penalty could
constitute "cruel and unusual punishment." The ruling prompted
states to revise their capital punishment laws. 

1982 Israel invaded Lebanon. 

1987 Vincent Van Gogh’s "Le Pont de Trinquetaille" was bought for
$20.4 million at an auction in London, England. 

1995 The shuttle Atlantis and the Russian space station Mir docked,
forming the largest man-made satellite ever to orbit the Earth. 

2007 The first generation Apple iPhone went on sale. 

2011 The state of Nevada passed the first law that permitted the
operation of autonomous cars on public roads. The law went into
effect on March 1, 2012 and did not permit the use of the cars to
the general public. Google received the first self-driving vehicle
license in the U.S. on May 4, 2012 in Nevada. 

2018  smiled.





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Best defragger of today 
Thursday, June 28, 2018, 09:03 AM
Posted by Administrator
		






---

Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday,  June 28

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
N.H. man arrested twice in one day faces 
drug, DUI charges
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, June 28 in
2010 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled 5-4 that Americans have the right
to own a gun for self-defense anywhere they live. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest,
most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to
a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going,
'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'
--- Jeff Foxworthy

Imagination is the highest kite one can fly.
--- Lauren Bacall
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

This country is so full of opportunity. Where else can a
woman hire another woman to do her housework, so that she
can volunteer at the Day Care Center where the cleaning
woman leaves her child?
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________



Royal Gorge Bridge, Colorado. 1929
_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.
He is so proud of himself that he starts calling his wife
"Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.

One night they go to a party. The man decides that it's time
to go home, and wants to find out if his wife is ready to
leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice,
"Shall we go home, Mother of Six?"

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion
shouts back..."Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!"
____________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Benjamin Benoit, 
33, 
Boscawen,
New Hampshire

N.H. man arrested twice in one day faces 
drug, DUI charges

Police in Concord and Bow said they arrested the same man hours
apart on charges of driving under the influence.

Benjamin Benoit, 33, of Boscawen, was arrested Thursday afternoon
after police received a report of a person at a Bow gas station
falling asleep in the driver's seat of a car.

Benoit was arrested again Friday morning in Concord after another
report was made about a person passed out in a vehicle at a gas
station. Concord police said the car Benoit was in was stolen from
the owner's place of employment in Pembroke.

Benoit is facing multiple charges, including driving under the
influence, possession of a controlled substance and possession of
stolen property.

After each arrest, Benoit was released on personal recognizance
bail. He is scheduled to appear in Merrimack County Superior Court
on the Bow charges on July 5 and on the Concord charges on July 12.



Tech Support Pits
From: Bobbie
Re: Defrag never finishes

Dear Webby
My computer is getting really slow, so a friend suggested
that I defrag it. I tried that, but the Windows defrag never
finishes. It just keeps re-starting. What am I doing wrong?
Bobbie

Dear Bobbie
There are countless defraggers available on the net. 
99% of them are crap. Even the piriform defraggler, that I have
recommended in the past, has gone bad.

According to Moe, who tests and compares them as his mission,
Glarysoft's disk-speedup is currently the best. 

Just make 100% sure that you don't let their other utilities
slither in during the install! The rest of their stuff is bad
news, as I found out myself a few years ago. Just do the Disk-
Speedup, and don't touch the  rest.

You can get it here:
https://www.glarysoft.com/disk-speedup/

Have FUN
DearWebby



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.

While digging a shaft into the German homeland, German
scientists discovered small pieces of copper at 50 meters.
After studying these pieces for a long time, Germany
announced that the ancient Germans 25,000 years ago had a
nationwide telephone network.

Naturally, the British government was not that easily impressed.
The British ordered their own scientists to dig even deeper.
At a depth of 100 meters, they discovered small pieces of glass.
Soon the British announced that the ancient Brits 35,000 years
ago already had a nationwide fiber net.

Israeli scientists were outraged. They dug 50, 100, and 200
meters underground, but found absolutely nothing. The Israelis
concluded that the ancient Hebrews 55,000 years ago had
cellular telephones.



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!



After driving all night, a man arrived in a small town where
he decided to stop in the local park and catch some sleep.
Just as he dozed off, there was a knock on the window.
Outside the car, was a jogger.
"Excuse me, can you give me the time?" the jogger inquired.
"Groggily, the man replied, "It's 6:27."

The man closed his eyes and just as he dozed off there was
another knock on the window. There stood another jogger
who said, "I'm sorry to disturb you. Do you have the time?"

Struggling to keep up his spirits he replied, "It's 6:34."

The man rolled up the window but realizing that this could
go on indefinitely, he took paper and pen and created a
sign which read:
"I DO NOT KNOW THE TIME."

He stuck the sign in the window, closed his eyes, and was
barely asleep when there came yet another tap on the window.
The man looked and sure enough, there was another jogger.
He disgustedly rolled down the window and said, "Yeah, what is it?"

The jogger replied, "It's 6:42."
____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Uneven Cake Layers
Sometimes you bake a cake layer that comes out just a little bit
lopsided. Level the layer with a serrated knife. Then apply a coat
of frosting to the rough edge leftover from the cut. Let the
frosting dry before frosting the rest of the cake.

A serrated knife sounds rather barbaric to me!
Cut some leftover shelving or other wood with the same
thickness as a layer of the cake to just fit into your cake
pans and sand and varnish it nicely, because some day it
will become a heirloom. After you dump the cake, put the
wood spacer in and the cake on top of that.

Then use the edge of the cake pan as a guide to saw it
into layers with dental floss.

Remove the cake and put the top layer onto the
spacer and trim the top to be precisely the same as the
bottom.

You will get the same laser smooth cut that the professionals
get (who use that same old trick).

If you don't have any scrap wood, a book or a stack of junk
mail in a ziplock bag works fine too.

If you do a lot of cakes in a row, tie the ends of the dental
floss to wooden spoons or clothes pegs so that you don't cut your
hands.
Have FUN!
DearWebby


Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com

____________________________________________________





Get lost in these real world fairy-tale landscapes.

___________________________________________________

Two men were sitting in a doctors office.
"What are you here for?" asked one.

"Circumcision," came the reply.

"That's rough! I had one of those the day after I was born,"
the first man commented. "Afterward, I couldn't walk for a year."
___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a restaurant;
first, he'd asked that the air conditioning be turned up because
he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too
cold, and so on for about half an hour.

Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, walking back and
forth and never once getting angry. So finally, a second
customer asked why didn't they just throw out the pest.

"Oh I don't care." said the waiter with a smile. "We don't have
an air conditioner."
____________________________________________________



Today, June 28 in
1635 The French colony of Guadeloupe was established in the
Caribbean. 

1675 Frederick William of Brandenburg crushed the Swedes. 

1709 The Russians defeated the Swedes and Cossacks at the Battle of
Poltava. 

1776 American Colonists repulsed a British sea attack on
Charleston, SC. 

1778 Mary "Molly Pitcher" Hays McCauley, wife of an American
artilleryman, carried water to the soldiers during the Battle of
Monmouth and, supposedly, took her husband's place at his gun after
he was overcome with heat. 

1894 The U.S. Congress made Labor Day a U.S. national holiday. 

1902 The U.S. Congress passed the Spooner bill, it authorized a
canal to be built across the isthmus of Panama. 

1911 Samuel J. Battle became the first African-American policeman
in New York City. 

1914 Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Austria, the heir to the Austro-
Hungarian throne, was assassinated in Sarajevo along with his wife,
Duchess Sophie. England used that as the start of WWI.

1919 The Treaty of Versailles was signed ending World War I exactly
five years after it began. The treaty also established the League
of Nations. 

1921 A coal strike in Great Britain was settled after three months.


1930 More than 1,000 communists were routed during an assault on
the British consulate in London. 

1939 Pan American Airways began the first transatlantic passenger
service. 

1938 The U.S. Congress created the Federal Housing Administration
(FHA) to insure construction loans. 

1942 German troops launched an offensive to seize Soviet oil fields
in the Caucasus and the city of Stalingrad. 

1945 U.S. General Douglas MacArthur announced the end of Japanese
resistance in the Philippines. 

1949 The last U.S. combat troops were called home from Korea,
leaving only 500 advisers. 

1950 North Korean forces captured Seoul, South Korea. 

1951 "Amos ’n’ Andy" moved to CBS-TV from radio. 

1954 French troops began to pull out of Vietnam’s Tonkin Province. 

1960 In Cuba, Fidel Castro confiscated American-owned oil
refineries without compensation. 

1964 Malcolm X founded the Organization for Afro American Unity to
seek independence for blacks in the Western Hemisphere. 

1965 The first commercial satellite began communications service.
It was Early Bird (Intelsat I). 

1967 Israel formally declared Jerusalem reunified under its
sovereignty following its capture of the Arab sector in the June
1967 war. 

1971 The U.S. Supreme Court overturned the draft evasion conviction
of Muhammad Ali. 

1972 U.S. President Nixon announced that no new draftees would be
sent to Vietnam. 

1976 The first women entered the U.S. Air Force Academy. 

1978 The U.S. Supreme Court ordered the medical school at the
University of California at Davis to admit Allan Bakke. Bakke, a
white man, argued he had been a victim of reverse racial
discrimination. 

1996 The Citadel voted to admit women, ending a 153-year-old men-
only policy at the South Carolina military school. 

1997 Mike Tyson was disqualified for biting Evander Holyfield's ear
after three rounds of their WBA heavyweight title fight in Las
Vegas, NV. 

1998 Poland, due to shortage of funds, is allowed to lease, U.S.
aircraft to bring military force up to NATO standards. 

1998 The Cincinnati Enquirer apologized to Chiquita banana company
and retracted their stories that questioned company's business
practices. They also agreed to pay more than $10 million to settle
legal claims. 

2000 The U.S. Supreme Court declared that a Nebraska law that
outlawed "partial birth abortions" was unconstitutional. About 30
U.S. states had similar laws at the time of the ruling. 

2000 Darva Conger announced that she had done a layout for Playboy
magazine. Conger had married Rick Rockwell on Fox-TV's "Who Wants
to Marry a Multimillionaire." 

2000 The European Commission announced that they had blocked the
planned merger between the U.S. companies WorldCom Inc. and Sprint
due to competition concerns. 

2000 Six-year-old Elián González returned to Cuba from the U.S.
with his father. The child had been the center of an international
custody dispute. 

2001 Slobodan Milosevic was taken into custody and was handed over
to the U.N. war crimes tribunal in The Hague, Netherlands. The
indictment charged Milosevic and four other senior officials, with
crimes against humanity and violations of the laws and customs of
war in Kosovo. 

2001 The U.S. Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia Circuit
set aside an order that would break up Microsoft for antitrust
violations. However, the judges did agree that the company was in
violation of antitrust laws. 

2004 The U.S. turned over official sovereignty to Iraq's interim
leadership. The event took place two days earlier than previously
announced to thwart insurgents' attempts at undermining the
transfer. 

2004 The U.S. resumed diplomatic ties with Libya after a 24-year
break. 

2004 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that enemy combatants could
challenge their detention in U.S. Courts. 

2005 The final design for the "Freedom Tower" (One World Trade
Center) was formally unveiled. 

2007 The American bald eagle was removed from the endangered
species list. 

2010 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled 5-4 that Americans have the right
to own a gun for self-defense anywhere they live. 

2018  smiled.





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Separate window for links 
Wednesday, June 27, 2018, 11:44 AM
Posted by Administrator
		






---

Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday,  June 27

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Arkansas purse thief nabbed by the waitress,
whose purse he had stolen, when he 
used her credit card to pay for his meal.
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, June 27 in
1885 Chichester Bell and Charles S. Tainter applied for a patent
for the gramophone. It was granted on May 4, 1886.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
He played the king as if afraid someone else would play the ace.
--- John Mason Brown (1900 - 1969)
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Swampy Marsh, the young Australian father-to-be, is waiting
anxiously outside the maternity ward where his wife is having
their first baby. He is pacing the floor when the nurse comes out
and says, "You have a little boy, Mr. Marsh, but you had better
go out and have a cup of coffee, because there may be another
one."

Swampy turns a little pale and leaves.
Some time later he phones the hospital and is told that he the
father of twins, but the nurse cautions, "There is another on the
way, so call back later."

At that Swampy decides that coffee is not strong enough, so he
goes to a bar and has some beer. When he phones the hospital
again he is told that the third baby has arrived and a fourth is on
the way. White-faced, he stumbles to the bar and orders a
double scotch.

Twenty minutes later, he tries to phone again, but he is so
drunk that he dials the wrong number and gets the recorded
cricket game score. When they pick him up off the floor the
recording is still going strong:
"The score is ninety-six all out," says the voice, "and the last
one was a duck."
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

>Thanks to Janet G


Los Cabo, Mexico
_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________

Bob took his 4 year old  Josh, out to McDonald's for
dinner one evening for a "guy night".
As they were eating hamburgers, Josh asked
"Daddy, what are these little things on the
hamburger buns?"

He responded that they were tiny seeds and
were ok to eat.
Josh was quiet for a couple of minutes
and obviously in deep thought.
Finally, Josh looked up and said,
"Dad, if we go home and plant these seeds in our
backyard, we will have enough hamburgers to
last forever."
____________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Shamon West, 
21,
Pine Bluff,
Arkansas

Arkansas purse thief nabbed by the waitress,
whose purse he had stolen, when he 
used her credit card to pay for his meal.

Authorities say an Arkansas thief got his just deserts when he
tried to pay for a meal using the waitress' stolen credit card.

Police spokesman Lt. David De Foor said in a news release that
officers arrested 21-year-old Shamon West on Tuesday at Shannon's
Restaurant in Pine Bluff. He says that "having no desire to pay for
the fellow's meal," waitress Flora Lunsford called to report that
the man had tried paying for his meal with her stolen credit card.

De Foor says officers found other items on West that had been in
Lunsford's purse when it was stolen from her car Sunday at a nearby
gas station while she was inside the station, including her Social
Security card and driver's license.

West is being held at the Jefferson County jail in lieu of $2,840
bond on forgery and theft by receiving charges.



Tech Support Pits
From: Kathleen
Re: Separate Window

Dear Webby
I saw one of the IT guys pop from a link on a page to a fresh
window, without overwriting the one where the link was. I asked
him how he did that and he managed o confuse not only me,
but also himself.
So, how is it done?
Kathleen

Dear Kathleen
Just hold down SHIFT and click the link.
If the link is just to a small pop-up, then hold down CTRL
while you click the link.
That's all there is to it.
Have FUN
DearWebby



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.

"You are all part of our team now," said the Human Resources rep
during the welcoming briefing. "You get all the usual benefits and
you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don't
eat any employees."

The cannibals promised they would not.  Four weeks later their boss
remarked, "You're all working very hard and I'm satisfied with
your work. We have noticed a marked increase in the whole company's
performance. However, one of our secretaries has disappeared.  Do
any of you know what happened to her?"  The cannibals all shook
their heads, "No"

After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals said to the
others, "Which one of you idiots ate the secretary?"  

A hand rose hesitantly.
"You fool!" the leader continued. "For four weeks we've been eating
managers and no one noticed anything.  But NOOOooo, you had to go
and eat someone who actually does something."




If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!



Each evening bird lover Tom stood in his backyard, hooting like
an owl - and one night, an owl finally called back to him.
For a year, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and
forth. He even kept a log of the "conversation"...
Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in
interspecies communication, his wife had a chat with her next
door neighbor.
"My husband spends his nights ... calling out to owls," she said.

"That's odd," the neighbor replied. "So does my husband!"
____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Bathroom Maintenance
A good way to keep your tub or shower clean is to wipe it
down after you use it. You can do it with the towel you use
to dry yourself. Teach your kids to do the same. Your tub
will require cleaning much less frequently.


Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com

____________________________________________________





Tiny, perfect staircases made by a secret society of French woodworkers.

___________________________________________________

I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside
her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked. 

She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to
this remote door un-locker. Now I can't get into my
car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant
convenient store) would have a battery to fit this?"

"Hmmm, I Dunno. Do you have an alarm too?" I asked.

"No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing
it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and
manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you
drive over there and check about the batteries...it's
a long walk."
___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

The skydiving instructor was going through the question and
answer period with his new students when one of them asked
the usual question always asked:
"If our chute doesn't open; and the reserve doesn't open,
how long would we have till we hit the ground?"

The jump master looked at him and in perfect deadpan
answered:
"The rest of your life."
____________________________________________________



Today, June 27 in
0363 The death of Roman Emperor Julian brought an end to the Pagan
Revival. 

1693 "The Ladies' Mercury" was published by John Dunton in London.
It was the first women's magazine and contained a "question and
answer" column that became known as a "problem page." 

1743 King George II of England defeated the French at Dettingen,
Bavaria, in the War of the Austrian Succession. 

1787 Edward Gibbon completed "The Decline and Fall of the Roman
Empire." It was published the following May. 

1801 British forces defeated the French and took control of Cairo,
Egypt. 

1847 New York and Boston were linked by telegraph wires. 

1871 The yen became the new form of currency in Japan. 

1885 Chichester Bell and Charles S. Tainter applied for a patent
for the gramophone. It was granted on May 4, 1886. 

1893 The New York stock market crashed. By the end of the year 600
banks and 74 railroads had gone out of business. 

1905 The battleship Potemkin succumbed to a mutiny on the Black
Sea. 

1918 Two German pilots were saved by parachutes for the first time.

1923 Yugoslav Premier Nikola Pachitch was wounded by Serb attackers
in Belgrade. 

1927 The U.S. Marines adopted the English bulldog as their mascot. 

1929 Scientists at Bell Laboratories in New York revealed a system
for transmitting television pictures. 

1931 Igor Sikorsky filed U.S. Patent 1,994,488, which marked a
breakthrough in helicopter technology. 

1940 Robert Pershing Wadlow was measured by Dr. Cyril MacBryde and
Dr. C. M. Charles. They recorded his height at 8' 11.1." He was
only 22 at the time of his death on July 15, 1940. 

1942 The FBI announced the capture of eight Nazi saboteurs who had
been put ashore from a submarine on New York's Long Island. 

1944 During World War II, American forces completed their capture
of the French port of Cherbourg from the German army. 

1949 "Captain Video and His Video Rangers" premiered on the Dumont
Television Network. 

1950 Two days after North Korea invaded South Korea, U.S. President
Truman ordered the Air Force and Navy into the Korean conflict.
The
United Nations Security Council had asked for member nations to
help South Korea repel an invasion from the North. 

1954 The world's first atomic power station opened at Obninsk, near
Moscow. 

1955 The first "Wide Wide World" was broadcast on NBC-TV. 

1955 The state of Illinois enacted the first automobile seat belt
legislation. 

1959 The play, "West Side Story," with music by Leonard Bernstein,
closed after 734 performances on Broadway. 

1961 Arthur Michael Ramsey was enthroned as the 100th Archbishop of
Canterbury. 

1964 Ernest Borgnine and Ethel Merman were married. It only lasted
38 days. 

1967 The world's first cash dispenser was installed at Barclays
Bank in Enfield, England. The device was invented by John Sheppard-
Barron. The machine operated on a voucher system and the maximum
withdrawal was $28. 

1967 Two hundred people were arrested during a race riot in
Buffalo, NY. 

1969 Patrons at the Stonewall Inn, a gay bar in New York City's
Greenwich Village, clashed with police. This incident is considered
to be the birth of the homosexual rights movement. 

1972 Bobby Hull signed a 10-year hockey contract for $2,500,000. He
became a player and coach of the Winnipeg Jets of the World Hockey
Association. 

1973 Former White House counsel John W. Dean told the Senate
Watergate Committee about an "enemies list" that was kept by the
Nixon White House. 

1973 Nixon vetoed a Senate ban on bombing Cambodia. 

1980 U.S. President Carter signed legislation reviving draft
registration. 

1984 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that individual colleges could
make their own TV package deals. 

1984 The Federal Communications Commission moved to deregulate U.S.
commercial TV by lifting most programming requirements and ending
day-part restrictions on advertising. 

1985 Route 66 was officially removed from the United States Highway
System. 

1985 The U.S. House of Representatives voted to limit the use of
combat troops in Nicaragua. 

1986 The World Court ruled that the U.S. had broken international
law by aiding Nicaraguan rebels. 

1995 Qatar's Crown Prince Sheik Hamad bin Khalifa al-Thani ousted
his father in a bloodless palace coup. 

1998 An English woman was impregnated with her dead husband's sperm
after two-year legal battle over her right to the sperm. 

1998 In a live joint news conference in China U.S. President
Clinton and President Jiang Zemin offered an uncensored airing of
differences on human rights, freedom, trade and Tibet. 

2002 In the U.S., the Securities and Exchange Commission required
companies with annual sales of more than $1.2 billion to submit
sworn statements backing up the accuracy of their financial
reports. 

2005 In Alaska's Denali National Park, a roughly 70-million year
old dinosaur track was discovered. The track was form a three-toed
Cretaceous period dinosaur.

2018  smiled.





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Moving Taskbar icons 
Tuesday, June 26, 2018, 08:43 AM
Posted by Administrator
		






---

Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday,  June 26

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
French Teen detained for two weeks after 
jogging across Canada-US border
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, June 26 in
1976 In Toronto, Canada, the CN Tower opened to the public. The
official opening date is listed as October 1, 1976. It was the
world's tallest free-standing stucture and the world's tallest
tower until 2010. 

More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
Nothing is said that has not been said before.
--- Terence (185 BC - 159 BC)  

He that is of the opinion money will do everything
may well be suspected of doing everything for money.
--- Benjamin Franklin
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________
>From Linda
True Story....my friend had a date and didn't have time to eat
supper. She grabbed a few dates to help tide her over and went
upstairs to change for the date. When the guy came....a different
guy than she'd ever gone out with before....her mom said "She's
upstairs changing and eating her last date."
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

Deer family playing in a puddle during a thunderstorm


_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________

While on a car trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside
restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, the elderly woman
left her glasses on the table, but she didn't miss them until they
were back on the highway.

By then, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find
a place to turn around.

The elderly man fussed and complained all the way back to the
restaurant. He called his wife every bad name he could think of.

When they finally arrived at the restaurant, and the woman got out
of the car to retrieve her glasses, the man yelled to her, "And
while you're in there, you might as well get my hat, too."
____________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Cedella Roman, 19
White Rock,
BC

French Teen detained for two weeks after 
jogging across Canada-US border

A young French woman was held by US border control for two weeks
after she accidentally crossed the border when she went for a jog.
Cedella Roman, 19, ran across the border just south of the town of
White Rock in Canada’s British Columbia, into the US state of
Washington on the evening of May 21. She headed back when the tide
began to come in, going up toward a dirt path before stopping to
take a photo of the stunning scenery, then turned around to retrace
her steps.

It was then that she was apprehended by two US Border Patrol
officers who told her she had crossed illegally and had been caught
on camera. ‘I told him I had not done it on purpose, and that I
didn’t understand what was happening,’ she said.

Roman protested that she hadn’t seen any warning signs, and didn’t
initially anticipate how serious the matter would become. ‘I said
to myself, well I may have crossed the border – but they’ll
probably only give me a fine or they’ll tell me to go back to
Canada or they’ll give me a warning.’ Complicating matters, Roman,
who had come to Canada to visit her mother and work on her English,
wasn’t carrying any government-issued ID on her at the time.

She was transferred by the officers to the Tacoma Northwest
Detention Center, run by the Department of Homeland Security, 200
kilometers (120 miles) south. ‘They put me in the caged vehicles
and brought me into their facility,’ she said. ‘They asked me to
remove all my personal belongings with my jewelry, they searched me
everywhere.

‘Then I understood it was getting very serious, and I started to
cry a bit.’ When she reached the centre, she contacted her mother,
Christiane Ferne, who quickly reached the centre with her passport
and study permits – but the workers at the site said the documents
would have to be verified by Canadian authorities. She was held at
the centre for two weeks before the matter was resolved and she was
allowed to return to Canada.

Ferne said the lack of clear signs had led to her daughter’s
predicament. ‘It’s like a trap… anybody can be caught at the border
like this,’ she said. US Immigration and Customs Enforcement
confirmed to CBC that Roman was discharged on June 6. But neither
the ICE nor Immigration Canada would comment further on the case,
citing privacy concerns. A spokesperson for the US Customs and
Border Protection told CBC that anyone who enters the US outside an
official port of entry and without inspection has crossed the
border illegally and will be detained. ‘This applies regardless of
whether or not the individual claims to have inadvertently crossed
the border,’ the department said.

The Peace Arch and huge US border station are about a quarter mile
south of the border but clearly visible from two miles away. 
The Canadian Welcome sign is about that far north of the border. 

The beach is about 50 feet from the border station. The customs
officers have always looked out the windows on the West, just in
case some bikinis were bouncing by. I used to party there with
friends in the early 70s. Even then you had to have some legal ID
to show, if the customs officers asked for it. It was always a
friendly and low key affair, but they made sure you carried legal
ID, even in those days. In those days and until 9/11 a drivers
license was enough for Canadians to cross the border into the US
and for Americans to cross into Canada. 

On the road there was always a lot of commuting to work, Americans
working in BC and Canadians working in the US. During rush hour,
having a hard hat or lunch kit on the dash got you waved through
with a nod. 9/11 changed that quite brutally.

They probably suspected that she was scouting a route for illegal
immigrants, and telling everybody in France how easy it was to get
into the USA from Canada.
Looks like they smartened her up!



Tech Support Pits
From: Ginny
Re: Move taskbar icons

Dear Webby
Is there a way to move the icons on the taskbar so that they
are in the order that I use them? I can only re-arrange the
icons in the little hot-bar section by the START, but the rest
of the task bar, that has the buttons for programs that are
running, there Windows won't let me move them.
Thanks
Ginny

Dear Ginny
Before Windows 7 we used to have to use the Taskbar Shuffler from
http://nerdcave.webs.com/

Nowadays you can drag them.
Carefully put the cursor onto a grey corner of a taskbar icon,
hold down the left mouse button and drag the icon to where you want
it. It acts as if you had the Taskbar Shuffler already installed.

Have FUN
DearWebby



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.

Planning a weekend of entertaining guests, I made a list of
things I needed to do, including taking food out of the
freezer and  grocery shopping.

As it happened, a friend whom I had been promising to take
to lunch asked if we could make it that Friday.

So, hopping into the car, I taped my "to do" list to the
dashboard and went and picked her up.

As she settled into the car, her face dropped.
"Thanks a lot!" she sulked.

Then I glanced at my list and saw the first item:
"Take out the Turkey."




If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




A consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand
and makes it sound confusing.
____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Organize Tools With Fishing Tackle Boxes
Fishing tackle boxes work great for keeping small power
tools and their accessories and bits organized. Whenever
I see fishing tackle box at a garage sale or rummage sale,
I grab it. You can uses stencils and spray paint to label the
outside of the box.


Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com

____________________________________________________





American vacations of the 1900's in color.

___________________________________________________

An agriculture student said to a farmer: "Your methods are too old
fashioned. I won't be surprised if this tree will give you less
than twenty pounds of apples."

"I won't be surprised either," said the farmer, "From orange trees
like this, I expect about 120 pounds of oranges".

___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.


Soon after our last child left home for college, my husband
was resting next to me on the couch with his head in my lap.
I carefully removed his glasses. "You know, honey," I said
sweetly, "Without your glasses you look like the same
handsome young man I married."

"Honey," he replied with a grin, "Without my glasses, you
still look pretty good, too!"
____________________________________________________



Today, June 26 in
1096 Peter the Hermit's crusaders forced their way across Sava,
Hungary. 

1243 The Seljuk Turkish army in Asia Minor was wiped out by the
Mongols. 

1483 Richard III usurped himself to the English throne. 

1794 The French defeated an Austrian army at the Battle of Fleurus.


1804 The Lewis and Clark Expedition reached the mouth of the Kansas
River after completing a westward trek of nearly 400 river miles. 

1819 The bicycle was patented by W.K. Clarkson, Jr. 

1870 The first section of the boardwalk in Atlantic City, NJ, was
opened to the public. 

1894 The American Railway Union called a general strike in sympathy
with Pullman workers. 

1900 The United States announced that it would send troops to fight
against the Boxer rebellion in China. 

1900 A commission that included Dr. Walter Reed began the fight
against the deadly disease yellow fever. 

1907 Russia's nobility demanded drastic measures to be taken
against revolutionaries. 

1908 Shah Muhammad Ali's forces squelched the reform elements of
Parliament in Persia. 

1917 General John "Black Jack" Pershing arrived in France with the
American Expeditionary Force. 

1925 Charlie Chaplin's comedy "The Gold Rush" premiered in
Hollywood. 
That was the only movie about Canada that I had seen before I
immigrated.

1924 After eight years of occupation, American troops left the
Dominican Republic. 

1927 The Coney Island Cyclone roller coaster opened in New York. 

1936 The Focke-Wulf Fw 61 made its first flight. It is often
considered the first practical helicopter. 

1942 The Grumman F6F Hellcat fighter was flown for the first time. 

1945 The U.N. Charter was signed by 50 nations in San Francisco,
CA. 

1948 The Berlin Airlift began as the U.S., Britain and France
started ferrying supplies to the isolated western sector of Berlin.


1951 The Soviet Union proposed a cease-fire in the Korean War. 

1959 U.S. President Eisenhower joined Britain's Queen Elizabeth II
in ceremonies officially opening the St. Lawrence Seaway. 

1961 A Kuwaiti vote opposed Iraq's annexation plans. 

1963 U.S. President John Kennedy announced "Ich bin ein Berliner"
(I am a Berliner) at the Berlin Wall. 

1971 The U.S. Justice Department issued a warrant for Daniel
Ellsberg, accusing him of giving away the Pentagon Papers. 

1974 In Troy, Ohio, a Marsh supermarket installed the first bar
code scanning equipment, made by IBM, and a product with a bar code
was scanned for the first time. The product was Juicy Fruit gum. 

1975 Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi declared a state of
emergency due to "deep and widespread conspiracy." 

1976 In Toronto, Canada, the CN Tower opened to the public. The
official opening date is listed as October 1, 1976. It was the
world's tallest free-standing stucture and the world's tallest
tower until 2010. 

1979 Muhammad Ali, at 37 years old, announced that he was retiring
as world heavyweight boxing champion. 

1996 The U.S. Supreme Court ordered the Virginia Military Institute
to admit women or forgo state support. 

1997 The U.S. Supreme Court struck down the Communications Decency
Act of 1996 that made it illegal to distribute indecent material on
the Internet. 

1997 J.K. Rowlings book "Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone"
was published in the U.K. The book was later released in the U.S.
under the name "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone." This was
the first book in the Harry Potter series. 

1997 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld state laws that allow for a ban
on doctor-assisted suicides. 

1998 The U.S. and Peru open school to train commandos to patrol
Peru's rivers for drug traffickers. 

1998 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that employers are always
potentially liable for supervisor's sexual misconduct toward an
employee. 

2000 The Human Genome Project and Celera Genomics Corp. jointly
announced that they had created a working draft of the human
genome. 

2000 Indonesia's President Abdurrahman Wahid declared a state of
emergency in the Moluccas due to the escalation of fighting between
Christians and Muslims. 

2001 Ray Bourque (Colorado Avalanche) announced his retirement just
17 days after winning his first Stanley Cup. Bouque retired after
22 years and held the NHL record for highest-scoring defenseman and
playing in 19 consecutive All-Star games. 

2002 David Hasseloff checked into The Betty Ford Center for
treatment of alcoholism. 

2002 WorldCom Inc. filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection. 

2018  smiled.




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MS Office or Libre Office 
Monday, June 25, 2018, 09:20 AM
Posted by Administrator
		






---

Good Morning, !
Today is Monday,  June 25

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman arrested for meth after 
claiming children are missing
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, June 25 in
1950 North Korea invaded South Korea initiating the Korean War. 

More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
--- Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955)

Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent,
hard-working, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two
percent that get all the publicity. But then--we elected them.
--- Lily Tomlin

When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not
know whether to answer 'Present' or 'Not guilty.'
--- Theodore Roosevelt
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

>From Mark
A Cop came to my house this morning. He asked me where I was in
between five and six. He seemed irritated when I said kindergarten.
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________



The storm woke up my peonies
_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________

In the subway train the conversation turned to the merits and
demerits of various ways of preserving health.

One stout, florid man held forth with great eloquence on the
subject. "Look at me!" he said.  "Never a day's sickness in my
life, and all due to simple food.  Why, gentlemen," he continued,
"from the age of twenty to that of forty I lived an absolutely
simple regular life --- no effeminate delicacies, no late hours, no
extravagances.  Every day, in fact, summer and winter, I was in bed
regularly at nine o'clock and up again at five in the morning.  
I worked from eight to one, then had dinner--a plain dinner,
mark my words: after that, an hour's exercise; then.."

"Excuse me, sir," interrupted the facetious stranger in the corner,
"but what were you in prison for???"
____________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Misty Brock, 39,
Funiak Springs,
Florida

Florida woman arrested for meth after 
claiming children are missing

A woman from DeFuniak Springs who initially claimed her two
children had been kidnapped was arrested for possession of
methamphetamine and false 911 calls after her children were found
safe and sound, according to a press release.
Misty Michelle Brock, 39, was charged with false 911 calls,
resisting an officer without violence and making a false report to
law enforcement by the Jackson County Sheriff’s Office. She was
additionally charged with possession of paraphernalia and
possession of methamphetamine with intent to sell.
According to JCSO, Brock called dispatch reporting that her two
children, ages two and five, had gone missing from her vehicle at
the Chevron Station on Highway 231 and that she believed they were
in a semi-truck that had just departed the area. The call triggered
a response from JSCO, along with FHP, Cottondale Police, the Bay
County Sheriff’s Office and Houston County Sheriff’s Office as a
BOLO (Be on the Lookout) was issued for the semi-truck.
During the course of the investigation, deputies noted that Brock
displayed several signs that she was under the influence of an
illegal substance. A review of security footage showed no children
in Brock’s car. Brock was allegedly unable to provide consistent
information about her travel itinerary or even what her children
were wearing.
A JCSO Investigator traveled to the children’s father’s home, where
they were located and determined to have been all day. Contact had
also been made with Brock’s mother who provided the same
information. When deputies tried to relay this information to Brock
she stated those children were impostors, according to the press
release.
During the investigation, several items of paraphernalia were
allegedly found in Brock’s purse, along with five grams of “high
grade” methamphetamine. As she was being transported to the jail,
Brock was reportedly claiming to see her children under vehicles.



Tech Support Pits
From: Helga
Re: MS Office or Libre Office

Dear Webby
What is the difference between MS Office and Open Office?
I have to get one of them. Which one do you recommend?
Helga

Dear Helga
The biggest diffeernce that I can see is that you can install
Open Office on a shirt pocket USB hard drive and run it
from there when you plug it into any computer's USB port.
And unlike Microsoft Office, it is free.

With MS Office you would need to buy a license and pay annual
license fees for each machine, with the free Open Office you got
everything, from settings and preferences to your documents,
spreadsheets and pictures on your portable hard drive or thumb
drive, and basically just "borrow" the keybaord and the printer and
hardware of the computer that you plug it into.

The included features are about the same. Whichever one
you learn, that's the one you will be good at, and that one
will be your preferred choice. There is no single feature
that I an think of that is available in only one of them, except
maybe the ability to create PDF files. You can do that with
Libre Office, but if you have MS Office, you need to shell
out another $450 to get Adobe Acrobat Professional to do
the same. Microsoft was going to include it, but backed off
at the last minute, when Adobe threatened to sue. Seems there
was more copying than inspiration involved.

Since you don't have either one yet, and would not have to
un-learn and trade the peculiarities of one of them for those
of the other, I would recommend Libre Office.
You can download it free at 
https://www.libreoffice.org/

Have FUN
DearWebby



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.

The newly wed wife said to her husband when he returned from
work: "I have great news for you. Pretty soon we're going to
be three in this house instead of two."

The husband started glowing with happiness and kissing his
wife said: "Oh darling, I'm the happiest man in the world."

But then she said: "I'm glad that you feel that way because
tomorrow morning my mother moves in with us."




If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!



At a nursing home in Miami, Florida, a group of Senior
Citizens were sitting around talking about their ailments:
"My arms are so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee,"
said one.

"Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad I can't even see my
coffee," replied another.

"I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck,"
said a third, to which several nodded weakly in agreement.

"My blood pressure pills make me dizzy,".... another went on.

"I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced
an old man as he slowly shook his head. Then there was a
short moment of silence.

"Well, it's not that bad," said one woman cheerfully.
"Thank God we can all still drive."
____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Saving Energy When Drying Clothes
It's best to keep your dryer hot by running one load after
another. It will help maintain your dryer's heat. It consumes
the most energy while it is heating up. Clean the lint dryer
between every use and don't over dry clothing.


Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com

____________________________________________________



American vacations of the 1900's in color.

___________________________________________________

A woman with 14 children, ranging in age from one to
fourteen, went to court to sue her husband for divorce on
grounds of desertion.
"When did he leave you?" the judge asked.
"Thirteen years ago," the tired mother replied.
The judge was confused. "If he left thirteen
years ago, where did all these children come from?"

"Well," said the woman, "he kept coming back to
say he was sorry."
___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.


The young Southern belle came to the hospital for a check-up.
"Have you ever been x-rayed?", asked the doctor.

"Nope," she replied, "But ah've been ultra-violated a few times."
____________________________________________________



Today, June 25 in
0841 Charles the Bald and Louis the German defeated Lothar at
Fontenay. 

1080 At Brixen, a council of bishops declared Pope Gregory to be
deposed and Archbishop Guibert as antipope Clement III. 

1580 The Book of Concord was first published. The book is a
collection of doctrinal standards of the Lutheran Church. 

1658 Aurangzeb proclaimed himself emperor of the Moghuls in India. 

1767 Mexican Indians rioted as Jesuit priests were ordered home. 

1864 Union troops surrounding Petersburg, VA, began building a mine
tunnel underneath the Confederate lines. 

1867 Lucien B. Smith patented the first barbed wire. 

1868 The U.S. Congress enacted legislation granting an eight-hour
day to workers employed by the Federal government. 

1870 In Spain, Queen Isabella abdicated in favor of Alfonso XII. 

1876 Lt. Col. Custer and the 210 men of U.S. 7th Cavalry were
killed by Sioux and Cheyenne Indians at Little Big Horn in Montana.
The event is known as "Custer's Last Stand." 

1876 In Philadelphia, PA, Alexander Graham Bell demonstrated the
telephone for Sir William Thomson (Baron Kelvin) and Emperor Pedro
II of Brazil at the Centennial Exhibition. 

1906 Pittsburgh millionaire Harry Kendall Thaw, the son of coal and
railroad baron William Thaw, shot and killed Stanford White.
White,
a prominent architect, had a tryst with Florence Evelyn Nesbit
before she married Thaw. The shooting took place at the premeire of
Mamzelle Champagne in New York. 

1910 The U.S. Congress authorized the use of postal savings stamps.


1917 The first American fighting troops landed in France. 

1920 The Greeks took 8,000 Turkish prisoners in Smyrna. 

1921 Samuel Gompers was elected head of the AFL for the 40th time. 

1938 Gaelic scholar Douglas Hyde was inaugurated as the first
president of the Irish Republic. 

1941 Finland declared war on the Soviet Union after securing help
from Germany.

1946 Ho Chi Minh traveled to France for talks on Vietnamese
independence. 

1948 The Soviet Union tightened its blockade of Berlin by
intercepting river barges heading for the city. 

1950 North Korea invaded South Korea initiating the Korean War. 

1951 In New York, the first regular commercial color TV
transmissions were presented on CBS using the FCC-approved CBS
Color System. The public did not own color TV's at the time. 

1959 The Cuban government seized 2.35 million acres under a new
agrarian reform law. 

1959 Eamon De Valera became president of Ireland at the age of 76. 

1962 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the use of unofficial non-
denominational prayer in public schools was unconstitutional. 

1964 U.S. President Lyndon Johnson ordered 200 naval personnel to
Mississippi to assist in finding three missing civil rights
workers. 

1970 The U.S. Federal Communications Commission handed down a
ruling (35 FR 7732), making it illegal for radio stations to put
telephone calls on the air without the permission of the person
being called. 

1973 Erskine Childers Jr. became president of Ireland after the
retirement of Eamon De Valera. 

1973 White House Counsel John Dean admitted that U.S. President
Nixon took part in the Watergate cover-up. 

1975 Mozambique became independent. Samora Machel was sworn in as
president after 477 years of Portuguese rule. 

1981 The U.S. Supreme Court decided that male-only draft
registration was constitutional. 

1986 The U.S. Congress approved $100 million in aid to the Contras
fighting in Nicaragua. 

1987 Austrian President Kurt Waldheim visited Pope John Paul II at
the Vatican. The meeting was controversial due to allegations that
Waldheim had hidden his Nazi past. 


1990 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the right of an individual,
whose wishes are clearly made, to refuse life-sustaining medical
treatment. "The right to die" decision was made in the Curzan vs.
Missouri case. 

1991 The last Soviet troops left Czechoslovakia 23 years after the
Warsaw Pact invasion. 

1991 The Yugoslav republics of Slovenia and Croatia declared their
independence from Yugoslavia. 

1993 Kim Campbell took office as Canada's first woman prime
minister. She assumed power upon the resignation of Brian Mulroney.


1997 The Russian space station Mir was hit by an unmanned cargo
vessel. Much of the power supply was knocked out and the station's
Spektr module was severely damaged. 

1997 U.S. air pollution standards were significantly tightened by
U.S. President Clinton. 

1998 The U.S. Supreme Court rejected the line-item veto thereby
striking down presidential power to cancel specific items in tax
and spending legislation. 

1998 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that those infected with HIV are
protected by the Americans With Disabilities Act. 

1998 Microsoft's "Windows 98" was released to the public. 

1999 Germany's parliament approved a national Holocaust memorial to
be built in Berlin. 

2000 U.S. and British researchers announced that they had completed
a rough draft of a map of the genetic makeup of human beings. The
project was 10 years old at the time of the announcement. 

2000 A Florida judge approved a class-action lawsuit to be filed
against America Online (AOL) on behalf of hourly subscribers who
were forced to view "pop-up" advertisements. 

2018  smiled.




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Coping with hotels 
Sunday, June 24, 2018, 07:26 AM
Posted by Administrator
		






---

Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday,  June 24

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
English secondary school makes boys wear skirts 
to make transgender students feel more at home.
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, June 24 in
1675 King Philip's War began when Indians massacre colonists 
at Swansee, Plymouth colony. 

More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
I never trust people's assertions, 
I always judge of them by their actions.
--- Ann Radcliffe (1764 - 1823)
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________
Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the opposing
lawyers.
"So," he said, "I have been presented, by both of you, with a
bribe."

Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably. "You, attorney Morris, gave me
$15,000. And you, attorney Campos, gave me $10,000. In all
honesty I cannot fairly accept two bribes."

The judge reached into his pocket and pulled out a check. He handed
it to Morris saying, "Now then, I'm returning $5,000, and we're
going to decide this case solely on its merits!"

_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________



Splendid Fairy Wren
_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________

Two confirmed bachelors are talking and their conversation
drifts from politics to cooking.
"I got a cookbook last Christmas," says the first, "but I
could never do anything with it."

"Too much fancy cooking in it, eh?" asks the second.

"You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way,
'Take a clean dish and ...'"

____________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Secondary school
Oxfordshire, England

English secondary school makes boys wear skirts 
to make transgender students feel more at home.

A private secondary school in Oxfordshire, England is banning its
male students from wearing shorts during the summer months, and is
instead requesting that they wear a more "gender neutral" ensemble
that includes that staple of men's athletic wear: The skirt.

According to the Daily Mail, Chiltern Edge Secondary School's rule
change comes after an unfavorable ruling by a government agency
tasked with overseeing educational standards.

School leaders said the skirts were a "more formal" alternative to
shorts, regardless of how uncomfortable they might make male
students at the school.

Unsurprisingly, parents are complaining about the bizarre school
dress code, which is part of a larger trend of schools adopting
"gender neutral" uniforms to make transgender students feel more at
home,
and alienate the straight ones.



Tech Support Pits
From: SueEllea
Re: Coping with hotels

Dear Webby
In my new positon, I have to do a fair bit of traveling, and
so far I don't like the computer part of it one bit. My 
daughter told me that you travel a lot and have written
about that before. Well, you haven't, since I signed up.
Hopefully the other subscribers won't be bored if you write
an update on your travel tips.
Thanks
SueElla

Dear SueElla
The biggest nuisance with traveling is that most hotels use
high tables and low chairs. Nobody knows why, but even 
hotels that claim to be business oriented and have office 
type swivel chairs, use ridiculously high tables. Most 
hotel tables come from China and just like un-hemmed 
bargain pants, the legs are way too long and need to be trimmed
for the actually needed length. Unfortunately, that is
too challenging for hotel staff.

I cope with that problem by carrying a 5/16" thick piece of
plexiglass trimmed to precisely fit into the lid of my big 
wheeled carryon. Well, nowadays I can't take it on board 
a plane any more and I have to check it through, but that
piece of plexiglass has travelled with me for about 20 years.

When I get to a hotel, I jam it into a partly opened dresser
or night table drawer, and set my laptop on that. Then the 
separate keyboard, that I also take along, is at the perfect
height for maximum typing speed while sitting in a low hotel
chair.

Yes, I take a regular keyboard along, with proper numeric 
keypad. I also take along a 5 button mouse. I am used to using the
side buttons for copying and pasting.

I also take along the following:
Wireless DSL modem card
15 foot network cable
20 foot telephone cable
Female-Female telephone cable connector
Telephone line one-to-two splitter
20 foot light weight extension cord (Lamp Cord)
Two 5 watt LED lightbulbs
Print-out of Earthlink access numbers for the areas
that I travel to.

Naturally, I try to go to hotels that have wireless high-
speed connections, but sometimes the room is too far 
away from the transmitter or the max number of people
are already logged on by the time I get set up. Then old
fashioned dial-up is better than nothing. 

I have to say that Earthlink has never let me down, even
overseas, however, since their support was moved to Asia, 
it has deteriorated. Instead of joking with a valley girl, you are
now arguing with somebody, who does not speak Engrish very well.
That is why you need that print-out of all the local access
numbers.

Have FUN
DearWebby



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.

A salesman of many years is tired of his job and gives it
up to become a policeman. One day, while he's walking
his beat, he meets an old friend who asks him how he
likes his new work.

"Well," says the salesman-turned-cop, "the pay is excellent
and the hours aren't bad. But what I like best is that the
customer is always wrong."




If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!



A scout for one of the leading colleges went to the office of
the athletic director and announced, "Have I got an athlete
for you! This guy can play every sport and excels at every
position. He is absolutely the finest athlete I have ever
seen play."

The athletic director was very impressed but had to ask the
question, "But how is he scholastically?"

The scout replied, "He makes straight "A"s in every subject.
However, I must tell you his "B"s are a little crooked."
____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Hanging Tools
If you enough wall space, hang shovels and other garden
tools upside down on your walls. For smaller tools, you can
get a peg board that you can mount on your wall and fit
with a variety of pegs and hooks and store tools that you
need to have handy.

You can also get mop closet organizers that grip the handles
properly with soft cushion grips. That way wet tools don't
drool down the handle and leave a blister causing crust,
and it helps to keep the lower end of the handle from drying
out and getting sloppy. A tight fitting tool tires you out a
lot less.

A mop handle rack with six spring loaded cusion grips is
usually around $4.95 and holds anything except heavy sledge
hammers.
Have FUN!
DearWebby



Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com

____________________________________________________



Tiny, perfect staircases made by a secret society of French woodworkers.

___________________________________________________

As an instructor in driver education at the local
area High School, I've learned that even the
brightest students can become flustered behind
the wheel.

One day I had three beginners in the car, each
scheduled to drive for 30 minutes.

When the first student had completed his time, I
asked him to change places with one of the others.

Gripping the wheel tightly and staring straight
ahead, he asked in a shaky voice, "Should I
stop the car first?"
___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Thanks to Linda for this story:
My wife and I are teachers, and our jobs often spill over
into our family life. One morning, as our eight-year-old
Maggie was getting ready for school, I peeked into her
room just to be sure she had tidied it up.
"You call THAT a made bed?" I asked.

"No, Dad," Maggie replied. "It's just a rough draft."
____________________________________________________



Today, June 24 in
1314 Scottish forces led by Robert the Bruce won over Edward II of
England at the Battle of Bannockburn in Scotland. 

1340 The English fleet defeated the French fleet at Sluys, off the
Flemish coast. 

1497 Italian explorer John Cabot, sailing in the service of
England, landed in North America on what is now Newfoundland. 

1509 Henry VIII was crowned King of England. 

1664 New Jersey, named after the Isle of Jersey, was founded. 

1675 King Philip's War began when Indians massacre colonists at
Swansee, Plymouth colony. 

1717 The Freemasons were founded in London. 

1793 The first republican constitution in France was adopted. 

1812 Napoleon crossed the Nieman River and invaded Russia. 

1844 Charles Goodyear was granted U.S. patent #3,633 for vulcanized
rubber. 

1859 At the Battle of Solferino, also known as the Battle of the
Three Sovereigns, the French army led by Napoleon III defeated the
Austrian army under Franz Joseph I in northern Italy. 

1861 Federal gunboats attacked Confederate batteries at Mathias
Point, Virginia. 

1862 U.S. intervention saved the British and French at the Dagu
forts in China. 

1869 Mary Ellen "Mammy" Pleasant officially became the Vodoo Queen
in San Francisco, CA. 

1910 The Japanese army invaded Korea. 

1913 Greece and Serbia annulled their alliance with Bulgaria
following border disputes over Macedonia and Thrace. 

1931 The Soviet Union and Afghanistan signed a treaty of
neutrality. 

1940 France signed an armistice with Italy. 

1940 TV cameras were used for the first time in a political
convention as the Republicans convened in Philadelphia, PA. 

1941 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt pledged all possible support
to the Soviet Union. 

1947 Kenneth Arnold reported seeing flying saucers over Mt.
Rainier, Washington. 

1948 The Soviet Union began the Berlin Blockade. 

1955 Soviet MIG's down a U.S. Navy patrol plane over the Bering
Strait. 

1964 The Federal Trade Commission announced that starting in 1965,
cigarette manufactures would be required to include warnings on
their packaging about the harmful effects of smoking. 

1968 "Resurrection City," a shantytown constructed as part of the
Poor People's March on Washington D.C., was closed down by
authorities. 

1970 The U.S. Senate voted overwhelmingly to repeal the Gulf of
Tonkin Resolution. 

1982 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled 5-4 that no president could be
sued for damages connected with actions taken while serving as
President of the United States. 

1985 Natalia Solzhenitsyn the wife of exiled, Soviet author
Alexander Solzhenitsyn, became a U.S. citizen. 

1986 The Empire State Building was designated a National Historic
Landmark. 

1997 The U.S. Air Force released a report titled "The Roswell
Report, Case Closed" that dismissed the claims that an alien
spacecraft had crashed in Roswell, NM, in 1947. 

1998 AT&T Corp. struck a deal to buy cable TV giant Tele-
Communications Inc. for $31.7 billion. 

1998 Walt Disney World Resort admitted its 600-millionth guest. 

2002 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that juries, not judges, must
make the decision to give a convicted killer the death penalty. 

2002 A painting from Monet's Waterlilies series sold for $20.2
million. 

2018  smiled.




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Launchy 
Saturday, June 23, 2018, 07:14 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







---

Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday,  June 23

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman, clocked at 73 mph in 40 mph zone, 
admits to 'swerving' and being drunk
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, June 23 in
1868 Christopher Latham Sholes received a patent for an 
invention that he called a "Type-Writer." 

More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
I shall never be ashamed of citing a bad author 
if the line is good.
--- Seneca (5 BC - 65 AD) 

Now, in reality, the world have paid too great a compliment 
to critics, and have imagined them to be men of much greater
profundity than they really are.
--- Henry Fielding (1707 - 1754)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

A civil servant is badly hurt falling down the stairs of the
Ministry of Absorption in Jerusalem. He is taken to Hadassah
hospital where he remains in a coma for several days.

Finally, an eye opens and his doctor tells him:

"My friend, I have bad news and I have good news. First of all,
you'll never be able to work again..."

"Nu," muttered the injured bureaucrat. "What's the bad news?"

_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________



_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________

"TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOUR DEAD NEIGHBORS"

If you share a home with a friend or relative, be thankful.
They will give you company and support. And if you happen to
die, they will miss you dearly, especially when the dishes
start to pile up.

Not everyone is so lucky.

A 40-year-old woman in Marburg, Germany, lay dead in her
apartment for more than 10 months before police found her
body. The body was discovered only because the landlord
cared enough to ask, "Where's my darn rent?"

The woman's neighbors hadn't noticed anything strange. They
had apparently assumed she was hibernating. Just like Al
Gore.

Such cases seem to be a major problem in Germany, where
death often arrives a few months, even a few years, before
the undertaker. That's partly because of the country's
efficient banking system, which makes automatic bill-paying
so easy, even dead people can do it.

In 1998, a Hamburg man was found dead on his sofa. He had
expired five years earlier, but, sitting in front of his
television, he looked just as lively as most men. The only
thing missing was a sign that said, "I'd get up to answer
the door, but I'm dead tired."

Unfortunately Germany isn't the only country where dead
people are taking up valuable apartment space. Russian
workers once found a man's skeletal remains in a room in a
communal apartment. He had been dead for five years, but the
families sharing the other rooms were too preoccupied to
realize that a room was available.

Even people with roommates sometimes find themselves
neglected, as did 43-year-old William Everett Delaney. The
Key West, Florida, man lay dead on his kitchen floor for two
months. His 78-year-old roommate recalled that Delaney had
fallen on the floor, but thought he was still alive, perhaps
doing some close-up research on the kitchen tiles.

The roommate offered to take Delaney to the hospital or get
him something to eat or drink, but when Delaney didn't
reply, the roommate made the only logical conclusion:
Delaney was very stubborn.

The 78-year-old stepped over Delaney's body for two months,
probably shaking his head and thinking, "I wish he'd get up
and help me clean the kitchen. It's starting to get an awful
smell."

Nobody deserves to die so anonymously. That's why it's
important to check on your neighbors regularly, especially
if they're elderly. Just knock on their doors and ask if
they're OK.

You: "Hello! Is anyone there?"

Female neighbor (shouting from behind her door): "Whatever
you're selling, we don't want any. That includes religion."

You: "I'm not selling anything. I'm your neighbor. Just
stopping by to make sure you aren't dead."

Neighbor: "Dead? No, I don't think I'm dead. But I'm not
sure about my husband. He hasn't moved from the couch since
1983. Do you think that's abnormal?"

You: "Only if he isn't holding the remote."

If you don't want to disturb your neighbors, keep a lookout
for signs that they may have died years ago. Here are a few
telltales:

---The grass around their home is so tall, the Boy Scouts
want to camp there.

---Their blue Volvo has gradually turned white, getting a
free paint job from the birds.

---They have a sign on their driveway that reads, "Grover
Cleveland for President."

---They're still flying the confederate flag.
____________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Stormi Winters, 29
St. Johns County Jail, 
Florida

Florida woman, clocked at 73 mph in 40 mph zone, 
admits to 'swerving' and being drunk

A St. Johns County woman was jailed on a misdemeanor DUI charge
after she was pulled over in the 1800 block of A1A in St.
Augustine. 

Stormi Winters, 29, was stopped at 11:24 p.m. on Wednesday by a St.
Johns County deputy, an arrest report said. 

Deputies said Winters was spotted driving erratically in her 2016
Kia on A1A. The arrest report said that Winters was speeding and
"violently turning left" instead of merging.

Winters was clocked going 73 mph in a 40 mph zone, deputies said.
She was asked if she knew why she was pulled over, she replied,
"Because I was swerving all over the road." When she was asking why
she was swerving, she replied, "Because I have been drinking," the
report said. 

Winters was texting "frantically" on her phone when she was pulled
over, the arrest report said. She told deputies that she consumed
"two or three" drinks at "Dunes." She was trying to get home to her
6-year-old son, the report said. 

Winters is being held in the St. Johns County Jail on $1,000 bond. 



Tech Support Pits
om: Leonard
Re: Launcher

Dear Webby
You once mentioned a program launcher to replace shortcut icons.
I use a lot of programs that I don't really want to advertise
on my work machine with shortcut icons, so that launcher would 
be a good solution, if it is still available.
Thanks
Leonard

Dear Leonard
Yes, launchy is still available. 
http://launchy.net/

Millions of us just love it!
For those of you, who don't know about it, it is a microscopic 
little program that launches whatever you want, by typing the first
letter or two of that program name, and hitting Enter.

ALT Spacebar opens Launchy. Then you type, for example W
it suggests "Word" and you hit Enter. WORD starts up, as if you had
found the shortcut icon and double-clicked it.
A for Ancestry. H for humor letter, and so on.

If you have many programs starting with W, it shows you a list of
them, for example
Wordpad
Weather
Wikipedia

You use the arrow keys to highlight the one you want,
and hit ENTER. You never have to take your fingers off the keyboard
and wrestle the cat for the mouse.

If you type numbers, it is a calculator. 

There are countless different "skins" available. I use a very basic
black background with a white entry line with black text. You can
use the default or pick whatever "skin" you  like. Just pick one
and figure out what you would like instead. It would take you years
to try them all.

Have FUN
DearWebby



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.

"Mommy, my turtle is dead," the little boy, Futh, sorrowfully
told his mother, holding the turtle out to her in his hand.

The mother kissed him on the head, then said," That's all right.
We'll wrap him in tissue paper, put him in a little box, then have
a nice burial ceremony in the back yard. After that, we'll go out
for an ice cream soda, and then get you a new pet.

"Ice cream?" the little boy said, wiping his tears and smiling,
"Oh! Boy!"

His mother said, "I don't want you...." Her voice trailed off as
she noticed the turtle move. "Futh, you're turtle is not dead
after all."

"Oh," the disappointed boy said. "Can I kill it?"




If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




A boy was taking care of his baby sister while his parents went
to town shopping. He decided to go fishing and he had to take her
along.

"I'll never do that again!" he told his mother that evening. "I
didn't catch a thing!"

"Oh, next time I'm sure she'll be quiet and not scare the fish
away," his mother said.

The boy said, "It wasn't that. She ate all the bait."
____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Cooking Mushrooms
When cooking mushrooms, always be sure to cook them with
low heat and do not allow them to cook too long. If you do,
they will become tough and will shrivel. Very little
additional liquid is needed, because mushrooms
are ninety percent water.

Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com

____________________________________________________



The best of People Are Awesome!

___________________________________________________

David bought his wife a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later,
his friend Bill asked how she was doing with it.

"Oh," said David, "I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet."

"How come?" Bill asked.

"Well," he answered, "because with a clarinet, she can't sing,
plus she can tak it with her, and annoy other people."

___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.


A Texan, a Russian and a New Yorker go into a restaurant in
London. The waiter says, "Excuse me, but if you wanted the
steak you might not get one as there is a shortage."

The Texan said, "What's a shortage?"
The Russian said, "What's a steak...?"
The New Yorker said, "What's excuse me....?"

____________________________________________________



Today, June 23 in
1683 William Penn signed a friendship treaty with Lenni Lenape
Indians in Pennsylvania. 

1700 Russia gave up its Black Sea fleet as part of a truce with the
Ottoman Empire. 

1758 British and Hanoverian armies defeated the French at Krefeld
in Germany. 

1760 The Austrians defeated the Prussians at Landshut, Germany. 

1757 Robert Clive defeated the Indians at Plassey and won control
of Bengal. 

1836 The U.S. Congress approved the Deposit Act, which contained a
provision for turning over surplus federal revenue to the states. 

1848 A bloody insurrection of workers in Paris erupted. 

1865 Confederate General Stand Watie, who was also a Cherokee
chief, surrendered the last sizable Confederate army at Fort
Towson, in the Oklahoma Territory. 

1868 Christopher Latham Sholes received a patent for an invention
that he called a "Type-Writer." 

1884 A Chinese Army defeated the French at Bacle, Indochina. 

1902 Germany, Austria-Hungary, and Italy renewed the Triple
Alliance for a 12 year duration. 

1904 The first American motorboat race got underway on the Hudson
River in New York. 

1926 The first lip reading tournament in America was held in
Philadelphia, PA. 

1931 Wiley Post and Harold Gatty took off from New York on the
first round-the-world flight in a single-engine plane. 

1934 Italy gained the right to colonize Albania after defeating the
country. 

1938 The Civil Aeronautics Authority was established. 

1938 Marineland opened near St. Augustine, Florida. 

1947 The U.S. Senate joined the House in overriding President
Truman's veto of the Taft-Hartley Act. 

1951 Soviet U.N. delegate Jacob Malik proposed cease-fire
discussions in the Korean War. 

1952 The U.S. Air Force bombed power plants on Yalu River, Korea. 

1956 Gamal Abdel Nasser was elected president of Egypt. 

1966 Civil Rights marchers in Mississippi were dispersed by tear
gas. 

1972 U.S. President Nixon and White House chief of staff H.R.
Haldeman discussed a plan to use the CIA to obstruct the FBI's
Watergate investigation. 

2003 Apple Computer Inc. unveiled the new Power Mac desktop
computer. 

2004 The U.S. proposed that North Korea agree to a series of
nuclear disarmament measures over a three-month period in exchange
for economic benefits. 

2013 In Arizona, aerialist Nik Wallenda completed a quarter mile
tightrope walk over the Little Colorado River Gorge. 
My yellow cap is down in that gorge. 

2015 NASA's Mars Odyssey completed its 60,000th orbit around Mars.
The spacecraft entered orbit on October 23, 2001. 

2015 Verizon announced it had completed its $4.4 billion purchase
of AOL, Inc. Have not heard much about AOL since then.

2018  smiled.




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Spyware protection 
Friday, June 22, 2018, 09:17 AM
Posted by Administrator
		






---

Good Morning, !
Today is Friday,  June 22
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Chilling 911 call reveals abuse in Turpin family
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, June 22 in
1611 English explorer Henry Hudson, his son and several other
people were set adrift in present-day Hudson Bay by mutineers. 

More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
--- George Burns (1896 - 1996)

Washington is the only place where sound travels faster than light.
--- C. V. R. Thompson

"Miami was voted the worst road rage city. You have 20-year-   
olds doing 95, and 95-year-olds doing 20, that's why."   
--- Craig Ferguson 
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________
Asked by his third-grade teacher to spell "straight." The
boy did so correctly.

"Now," said the teacher, "what does it mean?"

"Without water."
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________




THE MILLAU VIADUCT – RECORD FIGURES
Length: 2,460 m (8,071 ft)
Width: 32 m (105 ft)
Maximum height: 343 m (1,125 ft), or 19 m higher than the Eiffel
Tower
Slope: 3.025 %, going up from north to south in the direction
Clermont-Ferrand – Béziers
Curve: 20 km (12.4 miles)
Height of the tallest pier (P2): 245 m (804 ft)
Height of the pylons: 87 m (285 ft)
Number of piers: 7
Length of the spans: Two end spans of 204 m (669 ft) each and six
central spans of 342 m (1,122 ft) each.
Number of stays: 154 (11 pairs per pylon laid out in one mono-axial
layer)
Tension of the stays: from 900 t to 1,200 t for the longest
Weight of the steel deck: 36,000 t, or 5 times that of the Eiffel
Tower
Volume of concrete: 85,000 m3, or 206,000 t
Cost of the construction: 400 Million Euros (585 m USD)
Contract duration: 78 years – 3 years for construction and 75 years
of operations
Structural guarantee: 120 years
_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________

John and Mary were having dinner in a very fine restaurant.
Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces
away noticed that John was suddenly and silently sliding
down his chair and under the table, while Mary acted quite
unconcerned.

Their waitress watched as John slid all the way down his
chair and out of sight under the table.

After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over
to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but
I think your husband just slid under the table."

The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, "Oh,
no he didn't.  In fact, my husband just walked in the front
door."
____________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Louise Turpin, left, and David Turpin, right, sit in 
court for a preliminary hearing on June 20, 2018.

Louise Turpin, 49,
David Turpin, 56,
Perris, 
California

Chilling 911 call reveals abuse in Turpin family

The 17-year-old girl who called police to report her allegedly
abusive parents in Perris, California, said the house the family
lived in smelled so badly that she could barely breathe, and she
thought she and her 12 siblings might need to go to the doctor.

And when she struggled to remember the address of the home, the 911
operator asked her if she was around the corner from her house.
"Yeah, I think," the girl said. "I've never been out. I don't go
out much."
That chilling 911 call was made public Wednesday as part of a
preliminary hearing in the case against David and Louise Turpin,
the California couple accused of holding their 13 children captive
in a "house of horrors."

'I've never been out': Chilling 911 call reveals abuse in Turpin
family
By Sonya Hamasaki and Eric Levenson, CNN

Updated 4:06 AM ET, Thu June 21, 2018
Surveillance shows Turpin siblings' escape
Play Video

Surveillance shows Turpin siblings' escape 01:05
Riverside, California (CNN)The 17-year-old girl who called police
to report her allegedly abusive parents in Perris, California, said
the house the family lived in smelled so badly that she could
barely breathe, and she thought she and her 12 siblings might need
to go to the doctor.

And when she struggled to remember the address of the home, the 911
operator asked her if she was around the corner from her house.
"Yeah, I think," the girl said. "I've never been out. I don't go
out much."
That chilling 911 call was made public Wednesday as part of a
preliminary hearing in the case against David and Louise Turpin,
the California couple accused of holding their 13 children captive
in a "house of horrors."
Louise Turpin, left, and David Turpin, right, sit in court for a
preliminary hearing on June 20, 2018.
Louise Turpin, left, and David Turpin, right, sit in court for a
preliminary hearing on June 20, 2018.
Prosecutors say the couple beat and tortured their children, kept
them chained to their beds and starved them- all while the family
dogs were kept clean and well-fed.
They were arrested on January 14 after their 17-year-old daughter
escaped from a window and called 911 on a deactivated cell phone.
The Turpin siblings are comprised of six minors and seven adults,
ranging in age from 2 years old to 29.

David Turpin, 56, and Louise Turpin, 49, pleaded not guilty to more
than 40 charges, including torture, false imprisonment, abuse of a
dependent adult and child abuse. David Turpin also pleaded not
guilty to one count of lewd conduct with a minor.
Despite the horror of the 911 call, the girl's voice sounded
remarkably calm and clear while relating her experience. But the
call, as well as police who responded to the scene, provided
several disturbing new details from the home and the degree to
which the parents controlled their children's lives.
"I can't breathe because of how dirty the house is," the Turpin
daughter said on the call. "We don't take baths. I don't know if we
need to go to the doctor."

Accounts of abuse and starvation
Other Turpin children told investigators they were abused.
A 14-year-old girl said Louise Turpin threw her down the stairs
when she was caught in her mom's room, investigator Brett Rooker of
the Riverside County Sheriff's Office testified.
"She said she was terrified of her mother," he said.
An 11-year-old girl said that Louise Turpin would often punch them
with a closed fist and hit her with an open hand, Riverside County
Deputy Sheriff Daniel Brown testified. The girl said that
sometimes, her mother pulled her hair so forcefully it would lift
her off the ground, Brown said.

The girl said she was "always hungry," he further testified. The
children were fed jalapeno baloney sandwiches while the parents ate
Jersey Mike's, pizza and fries, he said. The girl said Louise
Turpin would buy apple juice but the children weren't allowed to
drink it. She kept pie in the fridge or pantry until it became
moldy and then threw it away.

A doctor who treated the family said the 11-year-old girl was in
the worst condition when the examined her, Patrick Morris,
Supervising Investigator for Riverside County District Attorney, 
testified.

She had a body weight percentile of .01 and her mid arm
circumference was equal to that of a 4.5-month-old baby, Morris
testified. The doctor said she had psychosocial dwarfism, stunted
growth due to living in an environment that is abusive or
neglected.
The 15-year-old boy had difficulty walking, vitamin D deficiency,
and visible scoliosis. He told the doctor that he wanted to kill
animals and could predict the future, Morris testified.

The 17-year-old Turpin daughter who made the 911 call weighed about
97 pounds with a BMI of 2.2% when doctors first examined her,
Morris said.
In other parts of the call, told the operator that her parents were
abusive and had chained up two of her sisters, and that she thought
her father had guns in the house. She also said she hadn't taken a
bath in almost a year.

Riverside Deputy Manuel Campos, who responded to the 911 call,
testified on Wednesday that the girl appeared much younger than 17.

"She appears not to bathe regularly," he also said. "There was odor
emitting from her body of one that doesn't bathe regularly."
The girl was shaking on the call and "scared to death" from the
daring escape out of the window, Campos said. She said that she was
kept in the room with her sisters for about 20 hours a day, and
that she was only allowed to leave the room to eat, use the
restroom and brush her teeth, Campos said.

If she broke the rules, she would be disciplined in the form of
knocking on the head, pulling of hair, or being smacked in the
face. After she watched a Justin Bieber video on a cell phone, her
mother choked her, she told Campos.

In addition to the physical abuse, there was a sexual incident with
her father, the girl told police. She said her father pulled her
pants down, grabbed her and put her on his lap. She tried to push
him away, and pulled her pants up, Campos said.
He also tried to force kisses on her mouth, she told Campos, and
this happened about 10 times. The girl said her father told her not
to tell anyone, Campos said.

They remain in custody in lieu of $12 million bail each after
pleading not guilty to all of their charges.



Tech Support Pits
om: Pat
Re: Spyware Protection

Dear Webby
 love your Humor Letter and was wondering if you could
help me...do you know what the best spyware protection
to run on your computer..I am haveing problems
and don't know what to get.
Thanks  Pat

Dear Pat
I use Spybot-Search&Destroy from the right side menu 
in the Humor Letter. That one is free.

Have FUN
DearWebby



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.

A woman in my office who had recently divorced after years   
of marriage, signed up for a refresher CPR course.   

"Is it hard to learn?" someone asked.   

"Not at all," my co-worker replied. "Basically you're asked   
to breathe life into a dummy. I don't expect to have any   
problem. I did that for 12 years."   




If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!



Linda is taking the driving portion of her driver's   
license exam. She handles most of the maneuvers quite well.   
She has a little trouble parallel parking, however, and   
winds up a couple of feet from the curb.   

"Could you get a little closer?" the examiner asks.   

The blonde then unbuckles her seat belt and slides over   
toward the examiner. "Now what?"   
____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Removing Seafood Odors From Hands 
To remove seafood odor from your hands after dealing with
boiled shrimp, crab, fish, etc., simply sprinkle salt onto
wet hands, rub and rinse. No more odors. Lemon juice also
works well for removing seafood smells. By Patricia

Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com

____________________________________________________



Where is your
fernweh? My longing is for Cades Cove in the Great Smoky
Mountains.  The first and only time I visited it I cried all the
way through because it felt like I had "come home."Â  I also have a
longing for Scotland, Ireland and England, and have always felt I
didn't belong in this time period either.

___________________________________________________

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling
at the same kids.
--- Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids.
--- Lori, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need
someone to clean up after them.
--- Anita, age 9 

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
--- Kelvin, age 8
___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

A fellow got up one Saturday morning with the odd feeling
that something about this day was to be different.

Something unusual WAS about to happen today.
He glanced out the window at the thermometer:
33 degrees.  He went downstairs - the clock had
stopped at 3 o'clock.  He picked up the newspaper
and read the date: the 3rd of the month.

Threes - that was it!  He grabbed the paper and
flipped it open to the racing section.  Sure enough
in the 3rd race, there was a horse named Trio!
The fellow hurried to the bank, drew out his life
savings and bet it all on the horse to win.

The horse finished 3rd.
____________________________________________________



Today, June 22 in
1558 The French took the French town of Thioville from the English.

1611 English explorer Henry Hudson, his son and several other
people were set adrift in present-day Hudson Bay by mutineers. 

1772 Slavery was outlawed in England. 

1807 British seamen board the USS Chesapeake, a provocation leading
to the War of 1812. 

1815 Napoleon Bonaparte abdicated a second time. 

1832 J.I. Howe patented the pin machine. 

1874 Dr. Andrew Taylor Still began the first known practice of
osteopathy. 

1909 The first transcontinental auto race ended in Seattle, WA. 

1911 King George V of England was crowned. 

1915 Austro-German forces occupied Lemberg on the Eastern Front as
the Russians retreat. 

1925 France and Spain agreed to join forces against Abd el Krim in
Morocco. 

1933 Germany became a one political party country when Hitler
banned parties other than the Nazis. 

1939 The first U.S. water-ski tournament was held at Jones Beach,
on Long Island, New York. 

1940 France and Germany signed an armistice at Compiegne, on terms
dictated by the Nazis. 

1941 Under the codename Barbarossa, Germany invaded the Soviet
Union. 

1942 A Japanese submarine shelled Fort Stevens at the mouth of the
Columbia River. 

1942 V-Mail, or Victory-Mail, was sent for the first time. 

1944 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt signed the "GI Bill of
Rights" to provide broad benefits for veterans of the war. 

1945 During World War II, the battle for Okinawa officially ended
after 81 days. 

1946 Jet airplanes were used to transport mail for the first time. 

1956 The battle for Algiers began as three buildings in Casbah were
blown up. 

1964 The U.S. Supreme Court voted that Henry Miller's book, "Tropic
of Cancer", could not be banned. 

1970 U.S. President Richard Nixon signed an extension of the Voting
Rights Act of 1965. It required that the voting age in the United
States to be 18. 

1973 Skylab astronauts splashed down safely in the Pacific after a
record 28 days in space. 

1974 In Chicago, the Sears Tower Skydeck opened. (After 9/11 Sears
got scared and evacuated. It is now the Willis Tower) 

1978 James W. Christy and Robert S. Harrington discovered the only
known moon of Pluto. The moon is named Charon. 

1980 The Soviet Union announced a partial withdrawal of its forces
from Afghanistan. 

1989 The government of Angola and the anti-Communist rebels of the
UNITA movement agreed to a formal truce in their 14-year-old civil
war. 

1990 Checkpoint Charlie was dismantled in Berlin. 

1992 The U.S. Supreme Court unanimously ruled that hate-crime laws
that ban cross-burning and similar expressions of racial bias
violated free-speech rights. 

1998 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that evidence illegally obtained
by authorities could be used at revocation hearings for a convicted
criminal's parole. 

1998 The 75th National Marbles Tournament began in Wildwood, NJ. 

1999 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that persons with remediable
handicaps cannot claim discrimination in employment under the
Americans with Disability Act. 

2009 Eastman Kodak Company announced that it would discontinue
sales of the Kodachrome Color Film.

2018  smiled.





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Fake INTERAC spams 
Thursday, June 21, 2018, 08:02 AM
Posted by Administrator
		






---

Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday,  June 21
Longest day of the year!
That always makes me sad. The weather is going to get hotter,
but the days will get shorter. I don't really work outside much
anymore, it's just a hang over from my youth. Oh, well, I will get
over it by December 21, when the days will get longer again.

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
NJ Dealer charged with homicide after 
15-year-old customer's heroin overdose
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, June 21 in
1404 Owain Glyndwr established a Welsh Parliament at Machynlleth
and was crowned Prince of Wales.

More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
Wisdom is what's left after we've run out of personal opinions.
--- Cullen Hightower

Whoso would be a man must be a nonconformist.
--- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882)

The difference between a job and a career is 
the difference between forty and sixty hours a 
week."
--- Robert Frost
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

An irate woman burst into the baker's shop and said, "I sent
my daughter in here for two pounds of cookies this morning, but
when I weighed them there was only one pound. I suggest that
you check your scales."

The baker looked at her calmly and replied, "Ma'am, I suggest
you weigh your daughter."
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________



Wilson's bird-of-paradise
_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________

When I stopped the bus to pick up Chris for preschool, I
noticed an older woman hugging him as he left the house.

"Is that your grandmother?" I asked.

"Yes," Chris said. "She's visiting."

"How nice," I said. "Where does she live?"

"At the airport," Chris replied. "Whenever we need her,
we just go out there and get her."
____________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Austin Cooper,
21,
Willingboro,
New Jersey

NJ Dealer charged with homicide after 
15-year-old customer's heroin overdose

A suspected heroin dealer was charged with homicide on Monday after
one of his customers a 15-year-old girl fatally overdosed just
after Christmas last year.

Austin Cooper, 21, of Willingboro, was charged with first-degree
strict liability for drug-induced death, the Burlington County
Prosecutor's Office said in a statement.

On December 26, a family member found Madison McDonald unresponsive
at her home in Evesham Township's Marlton section.

She was barely alive and transported to Virtua Marlton Hospital,
and later flown to Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. She died on
December 28. 

Authorities investigating McDonald's death found that Cooper
delivered 10 bags of heroin to the home before she died. He was
charged at the time possessing and dealing heroin.

Burlington County Prosecutor Scott Coffina has pledged to
"aggressively" pursue the strict liability charge when possible in
prosecution, to help fight the opioid epidemic.

On that charge, a dealer can face 10 to 20 years in state prison,
as opposed to three to five years for drug distribution.



Tech Support Pits
From: Ana
Re: Interac

Dear Webby
I keep getting these emails looking like they are from Interac
claiming that somebody, whose name I have never heard of, had sent
me money. Well, nobody ever sends money to me, so I just let
MailWasher dump it. Mailwasher flags it as bad.
Is there the slightest chance that one of Hillary's buddies is
trying to send me money to mess with the next election?
I doubt it.
So, what is that stuff?
Ana

Dear Ana
Trust MailWasher.
It is just spam from Russia. I get it too.
It LOOKS like an Interac notice, but with wacky spelling in the
hidden header.
Just let MailWasher dump it, and most definitely don't click on
anything in those fake Interac notices.

Have FUN
DearWebby



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.

A tractor salesman was passing a farm, where the farmer
was plowing the field with a bull. He goes over and offers
to sell the farmer a tractor to plow with. The farmer tells
him "I don't need a tractor, I have three new ones at the
barn"

Well if you have three new tractors at the barn, why are you
plowing this field with that bull, asked the salesman ?

The farmer replied, "This is part of the bulls continuing
education. I am teaching him that there is more to farming
than messing with cows and tearing down fences.




If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




Doctor!" said the woman as she loudly bounced
into the room, "I want you to tell me very frankly
what's wrong with me."

He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam,"
he said at length, "I've just three things to tell
you."

"First, you need to lose at least twenty pounds.
Second, you should use about one tenth as
much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist -
the doctor's office is on the next floor."
____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Beans Without Gas 
You can reduce gas from eating beans by boiling beans for
1/2 hour, rinsing, and soaking for several more hours. This
methods works because triglycerides soak out and get
discarded. I rinse beans multiple times, even canned ones.
By Rose

Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com

____________________________________________________



Secret doomsday shelters......

___________________________________________________

Blue-haired old aunts used to come up to me at weddings,
poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me "You're next!"

They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them
at funerals.
___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.


When an express train to London made an unscheduled stop
at Reading, the philosopher, C.E.M. Joad, climbed aboard.

"You¹ve got to get off sir," the guard told him, "this train
doesn¹t stop here."

Replied Joad, "In that case, don't worry.
If it didn't stop here, I didn't get on it."
____________________________________________________



Today, June 21 in
1404 Owain Glyndwr established a Welsh Parliament at Machynlleth
and was crowned Prince of Wales. 

1788 The U.S. Constitution went into effect when New Hampshire
became the ninth state to ratify it. 

1834 Cyrus McCormick patented the first practical mechanical reaper
for farming. His invention allowed farmers to more than double
their crop size. 

1859 Andrew Lanergan received the first rocket patent. 

1893 The Ferris Wheel was introduced at the World's Columbian
Exposition in Chicago, IL. 

1913 Georgia Broadwick became the first woman to jump from an
airplane. 

1937 In Paris, Leon Blum's Popular Front Cabinet resigned. 

1938 In Washington, U.S. President Roosevelt signed the $3.75
billion Emergency Relief Appropriation Act. 

1941 German troops entered Russia on a front from the Arctic to
Black Sea. 

1945 Pan Am announced an 88-hour round-the-world flight at a cost
of $700. 

1954 The American Cancer Society reported significantly higher
death rates among cigarette smokers than among non-smokers. 

1958 In Arkansas, a federal judge let Little Rock delay school
integration. 

1958 Linus Pauling and Detlev Bronke, both Americans, were elected
to the Soviet Academy of Science. 

1963 France announced that they were withdrawing from the North
Atlantic NATO fleet. 

1973 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that states may ban materials
found to be obscene according to local standards. 

1974 The U.S. Supreme Court decided that pregnant teachers could no
longer be forced to take long leaves of absence. 

1985 Scientists announced that skeletal remains exhumed in Brazil
were those of Nazi war criminal Josef Mengele. 

1989 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that burning the American flag as
a form of political protest was protected by the First Amendment. 

2001 Former Haitian Army colonel Carl Dorelien taken into custody
in Port St. Lucie. Dorelien had been in exile since 1994 when he
was sentenced to life in prison for his role in a 1994 massacre. 

2003 The fifth Harry Potter book, "Harry Potter and the Order of
the Phoenix," was published by J.K. Rowling. Amazon.com shipped out
more than one million copies on this day making the day the largest
distribution day of a single item in e-commerce history. The book
set sales records around the world with an estimated 5 million
copies were sold on the first day. 

2004 SpaceShipOne, designed by Burt Rutan and piloted by Mike
Melvill, reached 328,491 feet above Earth in a 90 minute flight.
The height is about 400 feet above the distance scientists consider
to be the boundary of space.

2018  smiled.





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Any allowance for autoresponders? 
Wednesday, June 20, 2018, 08:47 AM
Posted by Administrator
		






---

Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday,  June 20

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Police find suspected burglar hiding 
under bed with legs poking out
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, June 20 in
1977 The Trans-Alaska Pipeline began operation. 
Still works fine.

More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
I'm still an atheist, thank God.
--- Luis Bunuel (1900 - 1983)

I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end.
--- Margaret Thatcher (1925 - ),
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Schwartz goes to see his Rabbi.
He says, "Rabbi, I think my wife is poisoning me."

The Rabbi says, "I'll tell you what...let me talk to her.
I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."

A week later the Rabbi calls Schwartz and says,
"I spoke to your wife on the phone for four hours,
or rather listened to her for four hours."

Schwartz says, Do you have any advice?"

The Rabbi says, "Yeah. Take the poison."
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________




_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________

Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly
Gates. St. Peter said, "I'd like to get you guys in now but our
computer's down. You'll have to go back to Earth for about a week
but you can't go back as humans. What'll it be?"

The first priest says, "I've always wanted to be an eagle, soaring
above the Rocky mountains." "So be it," says St. Peter and off
flies the first priest.

The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, "Will any
of this week 'count', St. Peter?"

"No, I told you the computer's down.
There's no way we can keep track of what you're doing. The week's a
freebie."

"In that case," says the second priest, "I've always wanted to be a
stud."

"So be it," says St. Peter and the second priest disappears.

A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter
to recall the two priests. "Will you have any trouble locating
them?" He asks. 

"The first one should be easy," says St. Peter. "He's somewhere
over the Rockies, flying with the eagles. But the second one could
prove to be more difficult."

"Why?" asketh the Lord.

St. Peter answered, "He's on a snow tire somewhere in Tasmania."
____________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by



Jan Sivak,
Calderdale,
England

Todays Bonehead Award:
Police find suspected burglar hiding 
under bed with legs poking out

If you’re going to hide from the police, perhaps it would be wise
to make sure your legs aren’t sticking out from beneath your bed.
Burglary suspect Jan Sivak didn’t follow this advice and was
snapped with his feet hanging out at his home in Halifax.

West Yorkshire Police then posted the picture on social media with
the caption: ‘He will not be winning any awards for hide-and-seek
champion soon.’ 

Sivak, from Halifax, had gone on the run after failing to surrender
to bail at Bradford Magistrates Court on Tuesday. He had been
accused of stealing £4,500 in cash from a fish and chip shop. After
he was caught he eventually appeared in court and admitted failing
to surrender, which he received a 14 day sentence for.

Gulfraz Khan, defending, said Sivak had tried to get to court on
the day of his appearance but was unsuccessful.
Sivak pleaded not guilty to burglary of a non-dwelling and was
remanded into custody until July 28 for trial at Bradford Crown
Court.



Tech Support Pits
From: Brenda
Re: Is there any allowance for auto-responders?

Dear Webby
I can understand that with your volume of mail you 
consider autoresponders a silly and unnhecessary nuisance. 
I use Hoitmail and Yahoo mail, and as you probably know,
they are a bit flakey and one never knkows if mail to me
actually got through.

Woould an auto-responder be OK in my case, telling people
that their mail did get to me and will be answered soon?
Brenda

Dear Brenda
Get Gmail. It is free, and very reliable. I have used it since
it got started, and have not lost any mail.
Some got accidentally sorted into the spam or trash folder,
but it DID arrive.

Using an autoresponder because you are sleeping or on the potty is
silly. If somebody expects an instant reply, then you should tell
them to get a life and consider that other people have lives too!

I answer mail at all times of day or night. Depending on the time
zone, people might be sleeping or cooking or shopping or working
away from their computer. So, what?
Sooner or later they will see my mail, and that will be soon
enough.

I also know that many people use their employer's computer for
their email. If their address has the domain of some company, then
I know not to expect answers on the weekend. I do NOT need an
autoresponder telling me that Ms Hortensia Buttflower will return
to work on Monday.

The same probably applies to you and your contacts. If you don't
reply instantly, the smarter ones will realize that you might be
working on something else, or sleeping.

Once you get Gmail or any reliable mail, forget about having to be
a nuisance.

Have FUN
DearWebby



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.

A lady was taking her time browsing through everything at a
yard sale and said to the homeowner, "My husband is going
to be very angry when he finds out I stopped at a yard sale."

"I'm sure he'll understand when you tell him about all the
bargains," the homeowner replied.

"Normally, yes," the lady said. "But he just fell off the roof
and broke both his legs, and he's waiting for me to take
him to the hospital."



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew,
the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising
altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for
your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight
attendants."
____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Sweetening Whipped Cream
Sweeten homemade whipped cream with Confectioner's (powdered)
sugar instead of granulated sugar, if you like sweet
whipped cream. The cream will hold its shape better, and be
fluffier. By Nancy

Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com

____________________________________________________



Illusions that make you question your eyesight.

___________________________________________________

The priest was passing a group of young teens sitting on
the church lawn and stopped to ask what they were doing.

"Nothing much, father," replied one boy. "We were just seeing
who can tell the biggest lie about their sex life."

"Boys, boys, boys!" he scolded. "I'm shocked. When I was
your age, I never even thought about sex."

In unison they all replied, "You win!"
___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.


Thanks to Cookie for this story:
Stopping to pick up my daughter at kindergarten, I found out
that the topic of "Show and Tell" that day had been parents'
occupations.

The teacher pulled me aside.
Whispering, she advised, "You might want to explain a little
bit more to your daughter what you do for a living."

I work as a training consultant and often conduct my seminars
in motel conference rooms. When I asked why, the teacher
explained, "Your daughter told the class she wasn't sure
what you did, but said you got dressed real pretty and went
to work at motels."
____________________________________________________



Today, June 20 in
0451 Roman and Barbarian warriors brought Attila's army to a halt
at the Catalaunian Plains in eastern France. 

1397 The Union of Kalmar united Denmark, Sweden, and Norway under
one monarch. 

1756 In India, 150 British soldiers were imprisoned in a cell that
became known as the "Black Hole of Calcutta." 

1782 The U.S. Congress approved the Great Seal of the United
States. 

1791 King Louis XVI of France was captured while attempting to flee
the country in the so-called Flight to Varennes. 

1793 Eli Whitney applied for a cotton gin patent. He received the
patent on March 14. The cotton gin initiated the American mass-
production concept. 

1837 Queen Victoria ascended the British throne following the death
of her uncle, King William IV. 

1863 The National Bank of Philadelphia in Philadelphia, PA, became
the first bank to receive a charter from the U.S. Congress. 

1898 The U.S. Navy seized the island of Guam enroute to the
Phillipines to fight the Spanish. 

1910 Mexican President Porfirio Diaz proclaimed martial law and
arrested hundreds. 

1923 France announced it would seize the Rhineland to assist
Germany in paying its war debts. That did not go mover well.

1928 Washburn-Crosby Company merged with 26 other mills to become
General Mills. 

1941 The U.S. Army Air Forces was established, replacing the Army
Air Corps. The Army Air Forces were abolished with the creation of
the United States Air Force in 1947. 

1943 Race-related rioting erupted in Detroit. Federal troops were
sent in two days later to end the violence that left more than 30
dead. 

1947 Benjamin "Bugsy" Siegel was murdered in Beverly Hills, CA, at
the order of mob associates angered over the soaring costs of his
project, the Flamingo resort in Las Vegas, NV. 

1963 The United States and Soviet Union signed an agreement to set
up a hot line communication link between the two countries. 

1967 Muhammad Ali was convicted in Houston of violating Selective
Service laws by refusing to be drafted. The U.S. Supreme Court
later overturned the conviction. 

1977 The Trans-Alaska Pipeline began operation. 

1997 The tobacco industry agreed to a massive settlement in
exchange for major relief from mounting lawsuits and legal bills. 

2002 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the execution of mentally
retarded murderers was unconstitutionally cruel. The vote was 6 in
favor and 3 against. 

2018  smiled.





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Autoresponders 
Tuesday, June 19, 2018, 09:54 AM
Posted by Administrator
		






---

Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday,  June 19

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Woman called 'Asian Persuasion' accused 
of robbing man in his W OKC hotel room
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, June 19 in
0240 BC Eratosthenes calculated the circumference of the Earth
using the length of the shadow of his walking stick at two
locations, and trigonometry. He was quite accurate. 

More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
A true friend is the greatest of all blessings, and that 
which we take the least care of all to acquire.
--- Francois de La Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680) 
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Little Johnny was in his math class one day when the
teacher singled him out.
"If I gave you $200," the teacher began, "and you gave
$50 to Mary, $50 to Sally and $50 to Susan, what would
you have?"

"Well, it sure would be no orgy!" Johnny  answered,
"Helen, my girlfriend, would bust my skull for that!"
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________



_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________

 had been misbehaving and was sent to bed.
After a while  emerged and informed mother
that  had thought it over and then said a
prayer.

"Fine", said the pleased mother. "If you ask God to
help you about your misbehaving, He will help you."

"Oh, I don't need help with misbehavin' ", said
. "I asked Him to help me not to get
caught quite so much."
____________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Geiselle Stevenson,
31,
Oklahoma City,
Oklahoma

Woman called 'Asian Persuasion' accused 
of robbing man in his W OKC hotel room

Police are looking for a woman who goes by the name "Asian
Persuasion" who they say helped rob a man at a hotel.

It happened at the Ramada at 2200 S. Meridian. Police say the
suspect whose real name is Geiselle Stevenson helped men ambush the
victim.

The victim was staying at the hotel from out of town. He told
police he went to pick her up at her apartment at the 10 West
Apartments and took her back to his room.

When he opened the door, he told police two men came up behind him
and forced him into the room at gunpoint. The three of them made
off with his clothing and cash, and yanked the gold chain he was
wearing around his neck.

Police are looking for a woman who goes by the name "Asian
Persuasion" on the street, who they say helped rob a man at a
hotel.

They escaped in a gray Chevy Impala with a "Jesus" sticker on the
back.

The victim told police it was Stevenson, describing the tattoos on
her face and the gem studs in her cheeks.

Police are looking for a woman who goes by the name "Asian
Persuasion" who they say helped rob a man at a hotel. She has a
number of previous arrests.

Back in March, Stevenson was in the news after police say she tried
to steal a woman's purse in a motel parking lot. Then, she was
caught trying to sneak into a man's room before he slammed the door
in her face. She did end up inside another victim's room.

The robbers stole four pairs of the victim's Jordan sneakers
totaling about $840 and a $600 gold chain, among other belongings,
according to the report. 

One of the men, whom police identified as Dennico Henderson, 25,
held the victim at gun point with a .40-caliber semiautomatic
pistol while the other man and Asian Persuasion went through the
victim's belongings, according to the report. 

Police impounded the Chevy Impala. They are still looking for
Stevenson.         

Henderson, the   gunman, was arrested and released on bail.



Tech Support Pits
From: Lollytoo
Re: Unavailable

Hello, I am unavailable to read your message at this time
Lollytoo

Dear Lollytoo
You don't really have to tell me each time when you are
busy playing with yourself.

Have FUN
DearWebby



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.


Sue noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale,
sucking in his stomach.
Thinking he was trying to weigh less with this
maneuver, she commented,
"I don't think that is going to help."

"Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see
the numbers"




If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




A new miracle doctor was in town. He could cure
anything and anybody, and everyone was amazed with
what he can do. Everyone except for Mr. Smith, the
town grouch.

So Mr. Smith went to this 'miracle doctor' to prove that
he wasn't anybody special.   "Hey, doc, I have lost my
sense of taste. I can't taste nothin', so what are ya goin'
to do?"

The doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself
a little, then tells Mr. Smith,
"What you need is jar number 43."

Jar number 43? Mr. Smith wonders.

So the doctor brings the jar and tells Mr. Smith to taste it.
He tastes it and immediately spits it out,
"This is gross!" he yells.

"I just restored your sense of taste Mr. Smith," says the
doctor. That will be $100.

So Mr. Smith goes home very mad.

One month later, Mr. Smith goes back to the doctor
along with a new problem, "Doc," he starts,
"I can't remember!"

The doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself
a little and tells Mr. Smith:
"What you need is jar number 43..."

Before the doctor finished his sentence, Mr. Smith fled
the office.
____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Keeping Tupperware Unstained
In order to keep your Tupperware looking new, try this.
Spray your Tupperware with nonstick cooking spray
before pouring in tomato based sauces. There won't
be any stains, it should all just wash out.

Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com

____________________________________________________



When dentures used real human teeth.

___________________________________________________

Q:  How can I avoid always being handed other
peoples' drooling brats?
A:  Drop one or two.

Keep your hands in your pockets when they try to foist 
them on you. That method really works!
___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.


A man and his wife were planning a vacation. They ended up in an
argument, though..."It's 'Hawaii', I'm telling you!" she said. "I
never KNEW someone so stubborn! 'Havaii' is how it's pronounced!"
he replied. And so it went all the way to the vacation... As they
got off the airplane, they passed a man. The husband abruptly
stopped the wife and turned to the man to ask, 
"Now that we're on the island, you can settle an argument between
my wife and me. Is this'Hawaii' or 'Havaii?'" 

"This is Havaii," the man replied.

"Ha!" the husband gloated, turning to his wife. "See, didn't I tell
you never to argue with me? I'm alllll-ways right!" 

As they began to walk away, he turned back and gave the man a
hearty "Thank you!" 

"You're Velcome!!!"
____________________________________________________



Today, June 19 in
0240 BC Eratosthenes calculated the circumference of the Earth
using the length of the shadow of his walking stick at two
locations, and trigonometry. He was quite accurate.

1586 English colonists sailed away from Roanoke Island, NC, after
failing to establish England's first permanent settlement in
America. 

1778 U.S. General George Washington's troops finally left Valley
Forge after a winter of training. 

1821 The Ottomans defeated the Greeks at the Battle of Dragasani. 

1846 The New York Knickerbocker Club played the New York Club in
the first baseball game at the Elysian Field, Hoboken, NJ. It was
the first organized baseball game. 

1862 U.S. President Abraham Lincoln outlined his Emancipation
Proclamation, which outlawed slavery in U.S. territories. 

1864 The USS Kearsarge sank the CSS Alabama off of Cherbourg,
France. 

1865 The emancipation of slaves was proclaimed in Texas. 

1873 Eadweard Muybridge successfully photographed a horse named
"Sallie Gardner" in fast motion using a series of 24 stereoscopic
cameras. This is considered the first step toward motion pictures. 

1903 The young school teacher, Benito Mussolini, was placed under
investigation by police in Bern, Switzerland. 

1910 The first Father's Day was celebrated in Spokane, Washington. 

1911 In Pennsylvania, the first motion-picture censorship board was
established. 

1912 The U.S. government established the 8-hour work day. 

1917 During World War I, King George V ordered the British royal
family to dispense with German titles and surnames. 

1933 France granted Leon Trotsky political asylum. 

1934 The U.S. Congress established the Federal Communications
Commission (FCC). The commission was to regulate radio and TV
broadcasting. 

1937 The town of Bilbao, Spain, fell to the Nationalist forces. 

1939 In Atlanta, GA, legislation was enacted that disallowed
pinball machines in the city. 

1942 Norma Jeane Mortenson (Marilyn Monroe) and her 21-year-old
neighbor Jimmy Dougherty were married. They were divorced in June
of 1946. 

1942 British Prime Minister Winston Churchill arrived in
Washington, DC, to discuss the invasion of North Africa with U.S.
President Roosevelt. 

1943 Henry Kissinger became a naturalized United States citizen. 

1944 The U.S. won the battle of the Philippine Sea against the
Imperial Japanese fleet. 

1951 U.S. President Harry S. Truman signed the Universal Military
Training and Service Act, which extended Selective Service until
July 1, 1955 and lowered the draft age to 18. 

1958 In Washington, DC, nine entertainers refused to answer a
congressional committee's questions on communism. 

1961 Kuwait regained complete independence from Britain. 

1961 The U.S. Supreme Court struck down a provision in Maryland's
constitution that required state officeholders to profess a belief
in God. 

1964 The Civil Rights Act of 1964 was approved after surviving an
83-day filibuster in the U.S. Senate. 

1965 Air Marshall Nguyen Cao Ky became South Vietnam's youngest
premier at age 34. 

1968 50,000 people marched on Washington, DC. to support the Poor
People's Campaign. 

1973 The Case-Church Amendment prevented further U.S. involvement
in Southeast Asia. 

1973 Pete Rose (Cincinnati Reds) got his 2,000th career hit. 

1973 The stage production of "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" opened
in London. 

1973 Gordie Howe left the NHL to join his sons Mark and Marty in
the WHA (World Hockey League). 

1978 Garfield was in newspapers around the U.S. for the first time.

1981 "Superman II" set the all-time, one-day record for theater
box-office receipts when it took in $5.5 million. 

1981 The European Space Agency sent two satellites into orbit from
Kourou, French Guiana. 

1983 Lixian-nian was chosen to be China's first president since
1969. 

1987 The U.S. Supreme Court struck down the Louisiana law that
required that schools teach creationism. 

1989 The movie "Batman" premiered. 

1998 Gateway was fined more than $400,000 for illegally shipping
personal computers to 16 countries subject to U.S. export controls.

1998 A study released said that smoking more than doubles risks of
developing dementia and Alzheimer's. 

1998 Switzerland's three largest banks offered $600 million to
settle claims they'd stolen the assets of Holocaust victims during
World War II. Jewish leaders called the offer insultingly low. 

2000 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that a group prayer led by
students at public-school football games violated the 1st
Amendment's principle that called for the separation of church and
state. 

2018  smiled.





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Bacdjking up to the cloud 
Monday, June 18, 2018, 07:56 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







---

Good Morning, !
Today is Monday,  June 18

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Homeowner Returns From Work, 
Interrupts Pot And Cake Party
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, June 18 in
1812 The War of 1812 began as the U.S. declared war against 
Great Britain. The conflict began over trade restrictions. 

More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children 
have teenagers of their own.
--- Doug Larson  

Perhaps in time the so-called Dark Ages will be thought 
of as including our own.
--- Georg Christoph Lichtenberg (1742 - 1799)

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to
fish and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach a man to create an
artificial shortage of fish and he will eat steak.
--- Jay Leno
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________
A van carrying a dozen movie stuntmen on the way to a film
location in the mountains of Alberta spun out of control on
 the icy road, crashed through a guard-rail, rolled down a
1200-foot embankment, landed on it's roof, and burst into
flames.

There were no injuries.
One of them yelled: "Let's do it again!"
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

Thanks to Linda for this picture:


Plitvice Lakes in Croatia
_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________

A driver who was bringing a meticulously prepared and
pre-dented bus to a location in New York City for an
on-location movie shoot, was too early and drove to a nearby
restaurant to wait there. Just to be funny, he carefully lined
up the artificial dent at the front with a light pole.

When he came back out of the restaurant, there were eight
passengers in the bus, moaning and groaning and "Oy-vey-it's me"
ing about whiplash and talking to their lawyers on their
cellphones.
____________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Jeremiah Garib,
19,
Morganfield,
Kentucky

Homeowner Returns From Work, 
Interrupts Pot And Cake Party

Four Union County residents have been accused of breaking into a
woman's house, smoking marijuana, baking a cake and stealing a pair
of shoes.

It happened around 3 p.m. Monday on East Houston Street, according
to 'The Gleaner.' 

The Morganfield Police Department says a resident came home from
work to find Jeremiah Garib, 19, Xavion R. Elkins, 20, and two
juveniles running out of her house.

Officials said the resident was able to positively identify Garib
as an acquaintance of her son, who was not home. MPD Chief Geoffrey
Deibler said Garib, Elkins and the juveniles did not have
permission to be in the dwelling.

Police said after looking around the house, the owner discovered
that she'd interrupted a party of sorts with cake, ice cream, and
marijuana.

"When the individuals broke into the home they had baked a cake,
and were preparing to eat the cake and some ice cream when the
homeowner returned home from work," a news release said. "Upon
fleeing they had left some marijuana residue inside the home and
the smell of smoked marijuana was in the air."

In a later interview with The Gleaner, Chief Deibler said the group
apparently couldn't find icing so they opened a jar of homemade jam
and were using it to ice the cake.

Garib had allegedly left his shirt and loafers behind, but had
taken the time to grab a pair of the resident's son's shoes,
Deibler said.

When Garib allegedly left the house, he went to a local business
called Theramax on North Court Street. There he hid some marijuana
that had been "packaged for sale" in a trash can, Deibler said.

Two were arrested and face charges. 



Tech Support Pits
From: Bill
Re: Cloud Backup, again

Dear Webby,
Good Morning:
I was wondering if you have had a chance to consider my question
about cloud backup. I am presently backing up to two external
drives using "EaseUS ToDo". I find this to be less than
satisfactory, because I still lose data.

The original email appears below.
Thanks again.
Bill

Hi Bill
I answered you on June  14.
Look for the one where I mentioned Xcopy.

To: gardner@cottagecountry.net
Subject: Re: Cloud Backup 

Are you blocking me or sending me to your SPAM folder?

Here it is again:
==================================
Hi Bill
By using an intelligent method to backing up, you can save yourself
a lot of money.

For example, Windows is stashed on a hidden partition and can be
re-installed from there. If the hard drive fails, you can get it
again from the manufacturer.

Most programs you can download again and re-install, if you have
saved the download URL and your registration or serial number. You
can print those.

Do that with everything, except the stuff you have created or
received.
That will actually be very little and will easily fit into a free
Google Cloud back-up.

You can even put it onto a thumb drive or camera chip.
You can use a DOS bat using xcopy, the world's most powerful
"program".
With xcopy you just copy what is newer at the source than at the
destination, a trick that saves a lot of time and space.

Make a plain text list of what you want to back up.
then write a "bat" using that list and pasting
xcopy /D /E /C /H /I /O /R /Y /Z 
in the front of each line,
and at the end a space and the destination.

An example line would be:
xcopy /D /E /C /H /I /O /R /Y /Z C:\Program Files
(x86)\Qualcomm\Eudora\*.* I:\alpha\eudora

I: in this case is the camera chip, that you use for back-up.

Once you got all the goodies listed like that, save the file as
back.bat
Find the file with the file explorer, and make a shortcut icon for
it, and drag that to the desktop.

Now, every time you swat that shortcut, it will check all items in
your list to see what is newer on the computer than on the camera
chip. It won't waste time on stuff, that is not newer, and just
back up what is newer.

You can, of course, use two camera chips, one to be in your safety
deposit box, and the other in a chip reader, and once a month you
swap the chips.

All those "switches"  (/D /E /C /H /I /O /R /Y /Z) are optional.
You can read up on them here, but no need to study and memorize
them. 
Just use them the way I got them in the example.

You can, of course, use different ones. Up to you.


XCOPY source [destination] [/A | /M] [/D[:date]] [/P] [/S [/E]]
[/V] [/W]
                           [/C]  [/Q] [/F] [/L] [/G] [/H] [/R]
[/T] [/U]
                           [/K] [/N] [/O] [/X] [/Y] [/-Y] [/Z] 
                           [/EXCLUDE:file1[+file2][+file3]...]

  source       Specifies the file(s) to copy.
  destination  Specifies the location and/or name of new files.
  /A           Copies only files with the archive attribute set,
               doesn't change the attribute.
  /M           Copies only files with the archive attribute set,
               turns off the archive attribute.
  /D:m-d-y     Copies files changed on or after the specified date.
               If no date is given, copies only those files whose
               source time is newer than the destination time.
  /EXCLUDE:file1[+file2][+file3]...
               Specifies a list of files containing strings.  Each
string
               should be in a separate line in the files.  When any
of the
               strings match any part of the absolute path of the
file to be
               copied, that file will be excluded from being
copied.  For
               example, specifying a string like \obj\ or .obj will
exclude
               all files underneath the directory obj or all files
with the
               .obj extension respectively.
  /P           Prompts you before creating each destination file.
  /S           Copies directories and subdirectories except empty
ones.
  /E           Copies directories and subdirectories, including
empty ones.
               Same as /S /E. May be used to modify /T.
  /V           Verifies the size of each new file.
  /W           Prompts you to press a key before copying.
  /C           Continues copying even if errors occur.
  /I           If destination does not exist and copying more than
one file,
               assumes that destination must be a directory.
  /Q           Does not display file names while copying.
  /F           Displays full source and destination file names
while copying.
  /L           Displays files that would be copied.
  /G           Allows the copying of encrypted files to destination
that does
               not support encryption.
  /H           Copies hidden and system files also.
  /R           Overwrites read-only files.
  /T           Creates directory structure, but does not copy
files. Does not
               include empty directories or subdirectories. /T /E
includes
               empty directories and subdirectories.
  /U           Copies only files that already exist in destination.
  /K           Copies attributes. Normal Xcopy will reset read-
only attributes.
  /N           Copies using the generated short names.
  /O           Copies file ownership and ACL information.
  /X           Copies file audit settings (implies /O).
  /Y           Suppresses prompting to confirm you want to
overwrite an
               existing destination file.
  /-Y          Causes prompting to confirm you want to overwrite an
               existing destination file.
  /Z           Copies networked files in restartable mode.
  /B           Copies the Symbolic Link itself versus the target of
the link.
  /J           Copies using unbuffered I/O. Recommended for very
large files.

Instead of a camera chip, you can, of course, also back up onto
Google Drive, Microsoft Drive, BackBlaze, whatever. Entirely up to
you.

The major advantage is that Xcopy is extremely fast, since it does
not waste time on files, that are not new since the last back-up.
That greatly reduces the chance of a power bump or impatient shut-
down while a back-up is still in progress.
===========================



From: Darlene
Re: SecurityCenter.FirewallDisableNotify

Good Morning, DearWebby
This is in reply to Don and removing the Firewall Disable
notify from his Spybot.  I had the same problem all the time
and finally I right clicked on it when it appeared in the
remove panel and then clicked on DO NOT CHECK FOR
THIS and it stopped coming up all the time.

Have a super day and thanks again for the great humour letter
Darlene

Dear Darlene
yes, that certainly works, and with that particular item is
quite safe to use. You can also tell it not to worry about
navigational cookies for your bank, telephone company
Amazon, and other legitimate places.
Have FUN
DearWebby



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.

From Shirley:

Sensational warnings spawned south of the border
WASHINGTON (AP) - An odd-looking Canadian quarter with a
bright red flower was the culprit behind a false espionage
warning from the U.S. Defense Department about mysterious
coins with radio frequency transmitters, The Associated Press
has learned.

The harmless ''poppy quarter'' was so unfamiliar to suspicious
U.S. army contractors travelling in Canada that they filed
confidential espionage accounts about them. The worried
contractors described the coins as ''filled with something
man-made that looked like nano-technology,'' according to
once classified U.S. government reports and e-mails
obtained by the AP.

The silver-coloured 25-cent piece features the red image of a
poppy, Canada's flower of remembrance and support for the
troops, inlaid over a maple leaf..
..........
Shirley


Dear Shirley
We don't just have Support The Troops quarters with the red
poppy, we also have Breast Cancer Quarters with the pink
ribbon. This one is a bit worn, but the only one I had in my
wallet today.


Ask your friends to click on the pretty link to the Breast
Cancer Site in the right side menu! Give them a free gift
subscription to the Humor Letter to make sure they click.

Last time I looked you and others who clicked on the breast
cancer site button funded 12.1 mammograms for women who
could not afford one. That is awesome!

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!



A judge was instructing the jury that a witness was not
necessarily to be regarded as untruthful because he changed
his statement after he gave it to the police.

"For example," he said, "when I entered my chambers today, I
was positive that I had my gold watch in my pocket. But then I
remembered that I left in on my nightstand in my bedroom."

When the judge returned home that evening, his wife asked him
"Why so much urgency for your watch? Isn't sending three men
to pick it up for you a bit extreme?"

"What?" said the judge, "I didn't send anyone for my watch,
let alone three people. What did you do?"

"I gave it to the first one," said the wife, "he knew exactly
where it was."
____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Potato Storage 
To keep potatoes from budding, place a small apple in the
bag with the potatoes. You should also store them in a dark,
cool location and keep them away from onions, to avoid
moldy potatoes and onions.

Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com

____________________________________________________



Let's snoop around F. Scott Fitzgerald's French Villa

___________________________________________________

An ancient classic:
A woman suspects her husband is cheating on her. One day, she dials
her home and a strange woman answers. The woman says, " Who is
this?" 

"This is the maid," answered the woman. "We don't have a maid,"
said the woman.

The maid says, "I was hired this morning by the man of the house." 

The woman says, "Well, this is his wife. Is he there?" 

The maid replied, "He is upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I
figured was his wife." 

The woman is fuming. she says to the maid, "Listen, would you like
to make $50,000?" 

The maid says, "What will I have to do?" The woman tells her,
"I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the jerk and the
witch he's with."

The maid puts the phone down; the woman hears footsteps and the gun
shots. The maid comes back to the phone, "What do I do with the
bodies?" 

The woman says, "Throw them in the swimming pool."

Puzzled, the maid answers, "But there's no pool here."

A long pause
and the woman says, "Is this 555-4821?"
___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.


Thanks to Dianne for this literary masterpiece:
(don't think of it as blasphemy, but as literary art)

CARSTIANITY (Read it aloud!)

"Haul a Yugo. Haul a Yugo."

Gearly beloved, we are Blazered here in the name of our Four-door,
who art in Half-ton.
I'm speaking of our lord and Mazda, Jeep-sus Chrysler.
He is the Alfa and the Romeo.
He was born in a Ranger, he was Tempo'd by the DeVille,
and he Daihatsu'd for your Sentras.

He said, "Dodge not, that ye not be Dodged.
Thou shalt not Corvette thy neighbor's Whitewall,
but turn the other Cherokee.
If ye have Fiat, ye can move Montecarlos.
He ain't Chevy, he's my Beretta."

He ate the Last Supra, and he climbed the mount of Cavalier,
where they Cruise-controlled him on the Motocross.

But God, in his Infiniti Mercedes, did Rolls away the Stanza.

Let us Prelude:
Sayeth the prophet Isuzu, in the Dusenburg Bible,

In the 23rd Saab, "The Ford is my Chauffeur. I shall not Walk.
He Lexus me in the paths of Right-turn-signals.
Yea, though I walk through the Valet of the Shadow of Dart,
I shall Fiero no Eagle.
Subaru Goodwrench and Mercury shall Volvo me Audi Daytonas
of my life, and I shall Dwellmeter house of Delorean,
Four-cylinder."
Gloria, In Ex-Celica Geo!
GM
____________________________________________________



Today, June 18 in
1155 Frederick I Barbarossa was crowned emperor of Rome. 

1429 French forces defeated the English at the battle of Patay. The
English had been retreating after the siege of Orleans. 

1621 The first duel in America took place in the Plymouth Colony in
Massachusetts. 

1667 The Dutch fleet sailed up the Thames toward London. 

1778 Britain evacuated Philadelphia during the U.S. Revolutionary
War. 

1812 The War of 1812 began as the U.S. declared war against Great
Britain. The conflict began over trade restrictions. 

1815 At the Battle of Waterloo Napoleon was defeated by an
international army under the Duke of Wellington. Napoleon abdicated
on June 22. 

1817 London's Waterloo Bridge opened. The bridge, designed by John
Rennie, was built over the River Thames. 

1863 J.J. Richardson received a patent for the ratchet wrench. 

1873 Susan B. Anthony was fined $100 for attempting to vote for a
U.S. President. 

1898 Atlantic City, NJ, opened its Steel Pier. 

1915 During World War I, the second battle of Artois ended. 

1918 Allied forces on the Western Front began their largest
counter-attack against the German army. (World War I) 

1925 The first degree in landscape architecture was granted by
Harvard University. 

1927 The U.S. Post Office offered a special 10-cent postage stamp
for sale. The stamp was of Charles Lindbergh’s "Spirit of St.
Louis." 

1928 Amelia Earhart became the first woman to fly across the
Atlantic Ocean as she completed a flight from Newfoundland to
Wales. 

1936 The first bicycle traffic court was established in Racine, WI.


1942 The U.S. Navy commissioned its first black officer, Harvard
University medical student Bernard Whitfield Robinson. 

1948 The United Nations Commission on Human Rights adopted its
International Declaration of Human Rights. 

1951 General Vo Nguyen Giap ended his Red River Campaign against
the French in Indochina. 

1953 Egypt was proclaimed to be a republic with General Neguib as
its first president. 

1959 A Federal Court annulled the Arkansas law allowing school
closings to prevent integration. 

1959 The first telecast received from England was broadcast in the
U.S. over NBC-TV. 

1961 "Gunsmoke" was broadcast for the last time on CBS radio. 

1966 Samuel Nabrit became the first African American to serve on
the Atomic Energy Commission. 

1979 In Vienna, U.S. President Jimmy Carter and Leonid Brezhnev
signed the Strategic Arms Limitation Treaty (SALT) 2. 

1982 The U.S. Senate approved the renewal of the 1965 Voting Rights
Act for an additional twenty-five years. 

1983 Dr. Sally Ride became the first American woman in space aboard
the space shuttle Challenger. 

1998 The Walt Disney Co. purchased a 43% stake in the Web search
engine company Infoseek Corp. 

2000 In Algiers, Algeria, the foreign ministers of Ethiopia and
Eritrea signed a preliminary cease-fire accord and agreed to work
toward a permanent settlement of their two-year border war. 

2009 NASA launched the Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter/LCROSS probes
to the Moon. It was the first American lunar mission since Lunar
Prospector in 1998. 

2009 Greenland assumed control over its law enforcement, judicial
affairs, and natural resources from the Kingdom of Denmark.
Greenlandic became the official language. 

2018  smiled.




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Firewall notice 
Sunday, June 17, 2018, 06:14 AM
Posted by Administrator
		






---

Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday,  June 17

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
NJ Bank robber dropped the stolen loot 
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, June 17 in
1885 The Statue of Liberty arrived in New York City aboard 
the French ship Isere. 

More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
You've achieved success in your field when you don't know whether
what you're doing is work or play.
--- Warren Beatty (1937 - )
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Three pastors from different congregations were having
lunch and sharing experiences and ideas to help each other
out with their different fellowships.

After several minutes of animated conversation, the first
one remarks, "Hey, you know, we've got a serious problem
at our church that I want to discuss with you guys."

The other two pastors nod and he goes on, "Well, it's bats.
We can't seem to get these bats out of our attic.  The
singing and organ playing wake them up, and they start
flapping around.  Then when I start to preach, we can
still hear them moving around up there and it's really
hard for anyone to pay any attention.  The kids start to
cry and, well, it's starting to really get in the way
of a good church service."

The second pastor says "Well that's interesting, because
we've had the same problem, they won't stay out of our
belfry.  We've tried ringing the bells at all hours,
spraying chemicals, we've even had a couple of
exterminator companies out.  Nothing's worked yet." He
throws up his hands in exasperation and shakes his head.

The third pastor smiles and nods his head knowingly.
"Well, gentlemen. We had that problem a few years ago,
and we found a quick solution." he says.  The other two
pastors look up with hope on their faces, and he goes on,
"It was easy.  We went up there, got to know 'em a little
bit, got 'em baptized and started passing the collection plate
to them.   Haven't seen 'em since."
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________



_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________

Dave was talking to his buddy, John, about his love life.
"So, John, how's it going with the ladies?"
"Women, to me, are nothing but sex objects."
"Really?"
"Yep," John shook his head sadly,
"Whenever I mention sex, they object."
____________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Jeffrey Wolfman,
32,
Milltown,
New Jersey

Bank robber dropped the stolen loot 
on the way out

A Milltown man has been charged in connection with Wednesday's
robbery of a Somerset County bank, the Somerset County Prosecutor's
Office announced Thursday afternoon.

Jeffrey Wolfman, 32, was arrested after the robbery at Peapack-
Gladstone Bank in Bedminster.

Witnesses told police they saw Wolfman on a nearby side street
removing an outer layer of clothing. As he did so, they saw money
dropping to the ground, according to the prosecutor's office.

When police approached Wolfman, more cash dropped out of his
clothes, it was stated in a news release.

Wolfman had reportedly entered the bank and demanded money from a
bank teller before fleeing on foot, according to the prosecutor's
office. Wolfman was charged with second-degree robbery and is being
held in Somerset County Jail awaiting a detention hearing.



Tech Support Pits
From: Don Camillo
Re: SecurityCenter.FirewallDisableNotify

Dear Webby,
Could you tell me if I should remove the following:
"SecurityCenter.FirewallDisableNotify"

I use Search & Destroy and the program asks me to
remove that item....
Thank you for your help.
Don Camillo

Dear Don
Don't worry about that. It's just a Windows bug about
Windows getting into a snit when you use a better fire wall
than the Windows fire wall.
Just ignore that.
Have FUN
DearWebby



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.


Advice to aspiring newsletter writers:
1.  Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
2.  Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3.  And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4.  It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5.  Avoid cliches like the plague.  (They're old hat)
6.  Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
7.  Be more or less specific.
8.  Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually)
unnecessary.
9.  Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10.  No sentence fragments.
11.  Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
12.  Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13.  Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary;
it's highly superfluous.
14.  One should NEVER generalise.
15.  Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
16.  Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
17.  One-word sentences?  Eliminate.
18.  Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
19.  The passive voice is to be ignored.
20.  Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary.  Parenthetical
words
however should be enclosed in commas.
21.  Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
22.  Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
23.  Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth
earth
shaking ideas.
24.  Eliminate quotations.  As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate
quotations. Tell me what you know."
25.  If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times:
Resist
hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
26.  Puns are for children, not groan readers.
27.  Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
28.  Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
29.  Who needs rhetorical questions?
30.  Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
31.  Eschew obfuscation.
And the last one...

32.  Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




Parental Dictionary:

Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am too.

Defense: What you'd better have around de yard if you're going to
let the children play outside.

Drooling: How teething babies wash their chins.

Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

Family planning: The art of spacing your children the proper
distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster

Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate
the strained carrots.

Full name: What you call your child when you're mad at him.

Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even
though they're sure you're not raising them right.

Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

Impregnable: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

Independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do
everything we say.

Look out: What it's too late for your child to do by the time you
scream it.

Prenatal: When your life was still somewhat your own.

Preprared childbirth: A contradiction in terms.

Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing
dry shoes into it.

Show off: A child who is more talented than yours.

Sterilize: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it
and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.

Storeroom: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so
that children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything.

Temper tantrums: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not
upset the children.

Top bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman
jammies.

Two-minute warning: When the baby's face turns red and she begins
to make those familiar grunting noises.

Verbal: Able to whine in words

Whodunit: None of the kids that live in your house.

Whoops: An exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge."
____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Grow a Rose Cutting in a Potato
By attosa [651 Posts, 3,516 Comments]
If you have a rosebush that's doing well and want to grow more from
it, or give some as a gift, it's a good idea to propagate a cutting
from that bush inside of a potato. Potatoes have a good amount of
moisture and nutrients for a new cutting to develop from.

Cut a 6 to 8 inch stem from a rose cane that has flowered. Snip at
a 45 degree angle with pruning clippers, then snip off any flower
heads and hips.

Use a screwdriver or drill bit to make a hole in the potato for the
stem to go in snuggly. Push the rose stem into the potato, but not
all the way through.

In a pot or in the ground away from direct sunlight, dig a hole in
some good soil and pop in the potato and cutting. Cover with at
least 3 inches of soil, making sure the potato is fully covered.
Keep the soil moist.

After some time, if you gently tug on the cutting and feel
resistance, that means its roots have grown and it's time for it to
be moved to more direct sunlight.

Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com

____________________________________________________



Colorized historical photos.

___________________________________________________

Two dogs were walking down the street.  The one dog says to
the other, "Wait here a minute, I'll be right back." He walks
across the street and sniffs this fire hydrant for about a
minute, then walks back across the street.

The other dog says, "What was that about?"

The dog first dog says, "I was just checking my p-mail."
___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.


Thanks to Dora for this story:
One evening, two girlfriends and I went to a nightclub, only to
find the place packed with young people. At 40+, we felt old,
but before we could make a dignified exit, a tall, handsome
man approached us.

"Perhaps we were being a little hasty in leaving," I thought.
Then with a big smile, the man extended his hand to one of
my friends and said, "Hello. Remember me? You taught me
in third grade."
____________________________________________________



Today, June 17 in
0362 Emperor Julian issued an edict banning Christians from
teaching in Syria. 

1579 Sir Francis Drake claimed San Francisco Bay for England.
(California) 

1775 The British took Bunker Hill outside of Boston. 

1789 The Third Estate in France declared itself a national
assembly, and began to frame a constitution. 

1799 Napoleon Bonaparte incorporated Italy into his empire. 

1837 Charles Goodyear received his first patent. The patent was for
a process that made rubber easier to work with. 

1848 Austrian General Alfred Windischgratz crushed a Czech uprising
in Prague. 

1854 The Red Turban revolt broke out in Guangdong, China. 

1856 The Republican Party opened its first national convention in
Philadelphia. 

1861 U.S. President Abraham Lincoln witnessed Dr. Thaddeus Lowe
demonstrate the use of a hydrogen balloon. 

1872 George M. Hoover began selling whiskey in Dodge City, Kansas.
The town had been dry up until this point. 

1876 General George Crook’s command was attacked and defeated on
the Rosebud River by 1,500 Sioux and Cheyenne under the leadership
of Crazy Horse. 

1879 Thomas Edison received an honorary degree of Doctor of
Philosophy from the trustees of Rutgers College in New Brunswick,
NJ. 

1885 The Statue of Liberty arrived in New York City aboard the
French ship Isere. 

1912 The German Zeppelin SZ 111 burned in its hangar in
Friedrichshafen. 

1913 U.S. Marines set sail from San Diego to protect American
interests in Mexico. 

1917 The Russian Duma met in a secret session in Petrograd and
voted for an immediate Russian offensive against the German Army.
(World War I) 

1924 The Fascist militia marched into Rome. 

1926 Spain threatened to quit the League of Nations if Germany was
allowed to join. 

1928 Amelia Earhart began the flight that made her the first woman
to successfully fly across the Atlantic Ocean. 

1930 The Smoot-Hawley Tariff Bill became law. It placed the highest
tariff on imports to the U.S. 

1931 British authorities in China arrested Indochinese Communist
leader Ho Chi Minh. 

1932 The U.S. Senate defeated the bonus bill as 10,000 veterans
massed around the Capitol. 

1940 The Soviet Union occupied Lithuania, Latvia, and Estonia. 

1940 France asked Germany for terms of surrender in World War II. 

1941 WNBT-TV in New York City, NY, was granted the first
construction permit to operate a commercial TV station in the U.S. 

1942 Yank, a weekly magazine for the U.S. armed services, began
publication. The term "G.I. Joe" was first used in a comic strip by
Dave Breger. 

1944 French troops landed on the island of Elba in the
Mediterranean. 

1944 The republic of Iceland was established. 

1950 Dr. Richard H. Lawler performed the first kidney transplant in
a 45-minute operation in Chicago, IL. 

1953 Soviet tanks fought thousands of Berlin workers that were
rioting against the East German government. 

1963 The U.S. Supreme Court banned the required reading of the
Lord's prayer and Bible in public schools. 

1965 Twenty-seven B-52’s hit Viet Cong outposts but lost two planes
in South Vietnam. 

1970 North Vietnamese troops cut the last operating rail line in
Cambodia. 

1991 The Parliament of South Africa repealed the Population
Registration Act. The act had required that all South Africans be
classified by race at birth. 

2018  smiled.





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End to spam 
Saturday, June 16, 2018, 10:57 AM
Posted by Administrator
		






---

Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday,  June 16

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Fake California cop arrested thanks to smart mother
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, June 16 in
1976 In Soweto, thousands of school children revolted against the
South African government's plan to enforce Afrikaans as the
language for instruction in black schools. 

More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
Ronnie Shakes   
Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff.
--- Frank Zappa (1940 - 1993)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

How many members of your sign does it take to change a light
bulb?
ARIES: Just one. You want to make something of it?
TAURUS: One, but just try to convince them that the burned-
out bulb is useless and should be thrown away.
GEMINI: Two, but the job never gets done -- they just keep
discussing who is supposed to do it and how it's supposed to
be done!
CANCER: Just one. But it takes a therapist three years to
help them through the grieving process.
LEO: Leos don't change light bulbs, although sometimes their
agent will get a Virgo in to do the job for them while they're
out.
VIRGO: Approximately 1.000000 with an error of +/- one
millionth.
LIBRA: Er, two. Or maybe one. No, on second thought, make
that two. Is that okay with you?
SCORPIO: That information is strictly secret and shared only
with the Enlightened Ones in the Star Chamber of the Ancient
Hierarchical Order.
SAGITTARIUS: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got
our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a
stupid burned-out light bulb?
CAPRICORN: I don't waste my time with these childish jokes.
AQUARIUS: Well, you have to remember that everything is
energy, so....
PISCES: Light bulb? What light bulb?

Too true!
However, I HAVE finally tossed all burned out lightbulbs!
I might need some help getting rid of all the empty cardboard 
boxes, though.
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________



KLUNK!
_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________

A woman in our diet club was lamenting that
she had gained weight.  She'd made her family's
favorite cake over the weekend, she reported,
and they'd eaten half of it at dinner.

Her husband teased her and said she would
never be able to stay away from the other half
until dinner the next night.

The next day, she said, she kept staring at the
other half, until finally she cut a thin slice for
herself.  One slice led to another, and soon
the whole cake was gone.  The woman went
on to tell us how upset she was with her lack
of willpower, and how she knew her husband
would rub it in.

Everyone commiserated, until someone asked
what her husband said when he found out.

She smiled.  "He never found out.  I made
another cake and ate half!"
____________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Juan Rodriguez,
Los Angeles,
California

Fake California cop arrested thanks to smart mother

A California woman was praised for her “momma bear instincts” after
she distracted a gun-toting fake cop who was terrorizing her
husband and four children on Sunday by simply offering him a taco,
police said.

The family was enjoying carne asada tacos and soda from a food
truck in the City of Industry in Los Angeles County around 6:30
p.m. when a “dangerous stranger” approached the family and began
terrorizing them, police said in a news release Monday. The family
had stopped to get food after a day at the waterpark.

The man, identified as Juan Rodriguez, allegedly claimed to be an
undercover cop and flashed his gun concealed on his waistband and
flashed a badge in an attempt to prove his identity, police said.

The mother, however, saw right through the disguise, police said.

“The mother instantly began to put together a plan in place to
distance her husband, three daughters and toddler who was still
buckled in his car seat inches away from the man with a gun,”
police said.

The mother, going for the "taco tactic," offered the 38-year-old
suspect a taco and told him she needed to grab napkins from the
food truck.

“The man with the gun continued to flash his gun and ransack
through the mother’s purse as she walked away,” the news release
stated.

The mother approached customers at the taco truck, told them not
too look a back and told them a man with a gun was threatening her
family. The taco truck employees and customers immediately called
911.

Police found Rodriguez standing next to the family’s van when they
arrived at the scene. Rodriguez allegedly tried to escape by
tossing his gun in the van and trying to get in.

“Deputies were able to detain the suspect before anything further
occurred. Deputies recovered the gun and made sure all family
members were unharmed,” police said.

Rodriguez was charged with child endangerment, impersonation an
officer and outstanding warrants.  



Tech Support Pits
From: Richard
Re: End to spam

Dear Webby,
is there any hope that spam will ever decrease?
Richard

Dear Richard
Yes, sure, there is always hope. Just rent more senators
than the spammers do. (You can't buy them any more,
because they won't stay bought, but you can rent them.)

As it is, there are spammers suing people who get them
kicked out from their servers, claiming that they are 
protected by the U-CAN-SPAM law. 

Unless you have more money than the spammers, about all 
you can do now is to get some good spam control software
like FireTrust Mail Washer and get good at tuning it.
It's easy enough for anybody to make filters with it, and 
some people even treat it as a challenging game to stay
ahead of the spammers and trash their stuff, unseen.

Have FUN
DearWebby



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.

A couple moved to the country when they retired. One mild   
winter, they had a bit of a problem with rodents in the   
garage. So they bought one of those little sub-sonic mouse   
repellants, the kind you plug in and they emit some kind   
of sound that drives off mice. The husband was showing it   
to their neighbor and explaining that it was an animal   
repellant. He told her that it worked on every thing from   
mice to elephants.   

"Really!?" she said, "Mice to elephants, eh." sounding a   
bit skeptical.   

"Yes," he replied, seriously. "We've had it here for a   
couple of weeks now and we haven't had a single elephant   
in the garage the whole time!"   



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!



>From Bill
In a misguided burst of creativity, I installed a night-light   
into a conch shell I found on the beach. My wife took an   
instant dislike to it, and at the next yard sale, it was the   
first thing she put out.   

I felt vindicated when a woman kept coming back to check it   
out and finally bought it.   

"That'll look great in your home," I said.   

"Oh," she replied. "It's not for me." My bridge club is having   
a charity sale, and we were asked to bring the most hideous   
thing we could find. What I have here is the winner!"   
____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Baking Soda and Dawn For Clothing Stains
A great way to remove clothing stains is to mix baking soda
and dish soap (Dawn) into a paste. Brush it into the stain
and let sit, depending on the severity of stain. Leave the
paste in and wash clothes as usual, works great. By Shirley

Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com

____________________________________________________



13 things found on the internet today.

___________________________________________________

"How was your golf game, dear?" asked Jack's wife Tracy.
"Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight's gotten so bad I
couldn't see where the ball went."
"But you're seventy-five years old, Jack!" admonished his wife,
"Why don't you take my brother Scott along?"
"But he's eighty-five and doesn't even play golf anymore,"
protested Jack.
"But he's got perfect eyesight. He could watch your ball,"
Tracy pointed out.

The next day Jack teed off with Scott looking on. Jack swung,
and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway.
"Do you see it?" asked Jack.
"Yup," Scott answered.
"Well, where is it?" yelled Jack, peering off into the distance.
"Where is what ?", Scott answered.
"My ball! My golf ball!"
"Oh, I don't know. I was watching that cute lady over there.
Her ball went into the water."
___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount
of goods totaling a great deal of money. The distributor
noticed that the previous bill hadn't been paid. The collections
manager left a voice-mail for them saying,
"We can't ship your new order until you pay for the last one."

The next day the collections manager received a collect
phone call, "Please cancel the order. We can't wait that long.
____________________________________________________



Today, June 16 in
0455 Rome was sacked by the Vandal army. 

1487 The War of the Roses ended with the Battle of Stoke. 

1567 Mary, Queen of Scots, was imprisoned in Lochleven Castle in
Scotland. 

1815 Napoleon defeated the Prussians at the Battle of Ligny,
Netherlands. 

1858 In a speech in Springfield, IL, U.S. Senate candidate Abraham
Lincoln said the slavery issue had to be resolved. He declared, "A
house divided against itself cannot stand." 

1884 At Coney Island, in Brooklyn, NY, the first roller coaster in
America opened. 

1897 The U.S. government signed a treaty of annexation with Hawaii.

1903 Ford Motor Company was incorporated. 

1907 The Russian czar dissolved the Duma in St. Petersburg. 

1909 Glenn Hammond Curtiss sold his first airplane, the "Gold Bug"
to the New York Aeronautical Society for $5,000. 

1922 Henry Berliner accomplished the first US helicopter flight at
College Park, MD. 

1925 France accepted a German proposal for a security pact. 

1932 The ban on Nazi storm troopers was lifted by the von Papen
government in Germany. 

1940 Marshal Henri-Philippe Petain became the prime minister of the
Vichy government of occupied France. 

1941 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt ordered the closure of
all German consulates in the United States. The deadline was set as
July 10. 

1952 "Anne Frank: Diary of a Young Girl" was published in the
United States. 

1955 The U.S. House of Representatives voted to extend Selective
Service until 1959. 

1955 Pope Pius XII excommunicated Argentine President Juan Peron.
The ban was lifted eight years later. 

1955 Argentine naval officers launched an attack on President Juan
Peron's headquarters. The revolt was suppressed by the army. 

1961 Rudolf Nureyev defected from the Soviet Union while in Paris,
traveling with the Leningrad Kirov Ballet. 

1963 26-year-old Valentina Tereshkova went into orbit aboard the
Vostok 6 spacecraft for three days. She was the first female space
traveler. 

1972 Ulrike Meinhof was captured by West German police in Hanover.
She was co-founder of the Baader-Meinhof terrorist group and the
Red Army Faction (Rote Armee Fraktion). 

1975 The Simonstown agreement on naval cooperation between Britain
and South Africa ended. The agreement was formally ended by mutual
agreement after 169 years. 

1976 In Soweto, thousands of school children revolted against the
South African government's plan to enforce Afrikaans as the
language for instruction in black schools. 

1977 Leonid Brezhnev was named the first Soviet president of the
USSR. He was the first person to hold the post of president and
Communist Party General Secretary. He replaced Nikolai Podgorny. 

1978 U.S. President Carter and Panamanian leader Omar Torrijos
ratified the Panama Canal treaties. 

1983 Yuri Andropov was elected chairman of the Presidium of the
Supreme Soviet. The position was the equivalent of president. 

1984 Wilson Ferreira Aldunate was arrested upon his return from an
eleven year exile. Aldunate had been a popular Uruguayan opposition
leader. 

1992 U.S. President George H.W. Bush welcomed Russian President
Boris Yeltsin to a meeting in Washington, DC. The two agreed in
principle to reduce strategic weapon arsenals by about two-thirds
by the year 2003. 

1996 Russian voters had their first independent presidential
election. Boris Yeltsin was the winner after a run-off. 

1999 The U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals said that a 1992 federal
music piracy law does not prohibit a palm-sized device that can
download high-quality digital music files from the Internet and
play them at home. 

2000 U.S. federal regulators approved the merger of Bell Atlantic
and GTE Corp. The merger created the nation's largest local phone
company. 

2000 U.S. Secretary of Energy Bill Richardson reported that an
employee at the Los Alamos National Laboratory in New Mexico had
discovered that two computer hard drives were missing. 

2008 California began issuing marriage licenses to same-sex
couples.

2018  smiled.





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Digital zoom 
Friday, June 15, 2018, 08:17 AM
Posted by Administrator
		






---

Good Morning, !
Today is Friday,  June 15
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
2 Florida men arrested for using pop "bombs".
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, June 15 in
1215 King John of England put his seal on the Magna Carta. 

More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
I cannot call to mind a single instance where I have ever been
irreverent, except toward the things which were sacred to other
people.
--- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

A preacher said to the farmer,"Do you belong to the Christian
family ?" 

"No", he said, " they live two farms down ".

"No,no, I mean are you lost ?"

"No, I've been here thirty years."

"I mean are you ready for Judgement Day?"

"When is it ?"

"It could be today or tomorrow."

"Well, when you find out for sure when it is , you let me know .
My wife will probably want to go both days !"
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________



_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________

If you catch a bad cold, and you go to the doctor, it will, with
medication, last for seven days. if you catch that same cold, and
you don't see a doctor, it will last a whole week!
____________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Bruce Steffenhagen, 56,
Nathan Martin, 38,
Orange County,
Florida

2 Florida men arrested for using pop "bombs".

One Florida man wanted tenants out of an apartment off the garage
of his home. So, he went along with his pal's plan to get them out
using a bomb.

That's according to Orange County deputies, who said Nathan Martin
and Bruce Steffenhagen admitted to setting off a pair of "acid
bombs" — homemade noise makers often involving plastic pop
bottles and common household materials — to create noise and
ruckus, after they were arrested last week. 

Most kids have at one time or other used "pop bombs", usually
involving putting some Altos mints into a nearly full pop bottle,
capping it and tossing it. The sound created is identical to an 8
foot 2 x 8 standing on end on a driveway, and being knocked over by
a bit of wind, - after the kids have retreated out of sight.
Pop bombs don't do any damage unless they are tossed into a window
box full of geraniums the morning of the flower competition. It
apparently can mess them up and get the owner a lower ranking. 
Other than that, they are just nuisance noise.

Usually, that is not a big deal, except the boneheads called
them"acid bombs" and got some bored deputies all excited.

Martin, 38, is in Orange County Jail on a charge of throwing or
projecting explosives. Steffenhagen, 56, posted $15,000 bond after
being charged with being a principal to discharge a destructive
device. (It destroyed the pop bottle used to make noise)

Both live with Steffenhagen's 86-year-old father, Jack
Steffenhagen, in a Beach Boulevard house owned by Jack's living
trust. Police were called to the house after neighbors heard two
explosions.



Tech Support Pits
From: Gloria
Re: Digital zoom

Dear webby,
You have mentioned "digital zoom" a few times, and always
recommended agaisnt it. What actually IS it?
Gloria

Dear Gloria
Digital zoom is just enlarging a picture, the same as you do in
your graphics program. As you may have noticed, when you do that,
the picture gets coarse and/or fuzzy.

You can do that much better and cleaner with your graphics program.
Just totally ignore what they claim as "digital zoom". It is just
BS to con newbies, who don't know any better.
The only zoom that counts is optical zoom accomplished with the
lenses.

Have FUN
DearWebby



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.

After a day of grueling maneuvers under the blazing Texas
sun, the platoon stood in front of the barracks. "All right,
ladies, think about this," bellowed the drill instructor.
"If you could have ten minutes alone, right now,
with anyone in the world, who would it be?"

Amid much mumbling, one voice was heard from the back row.
"My recruiter."



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!



An American tourist refused to be too greatly impressed with
the masterpieces at the Louvre.

"We've got plenty of priceless canvasses in the United States
too," he declared.

"I know," said the guide. "Rembrandt painted seven hundred
pictures in his lifetime, and America has over ten thousand
of them."
____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Sorting Dirty Clothing
Put a cardboard divider in your clothes hamper, one side
for whites and one for darks. When your family puts clothes
in, they will already be sorted. Towels and sheets can also
go on the white side. This has worked very well in my
household for several years. By Hazel

Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com

____________________________________________________




A neat idea! A sleepover in a Paris bookshop

___________________________________________________

I was browsing in a souvenir shop when the man next to me
struck up a conversation. Just as he was telling me that
his wife was getting carried away with her shopping, a brief
power shortage caused the lights to flicker overhead.

"Ah," he sighed that must he her checking out now."
___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

A recent study was made to find out what days men prefer
to have intimate relations with their wives. It was found
that most men preferred to engage in these matrimonial
activities on the days that started with "T."
 Examples of those days are:
 Tuesday
 Thursday
 Thanksgiving
 Today
 Tomorrow
 Thaturday and Thunday!
____________________________________________________



Today, June 15 in
1215 King John of England put his seal on the Magna Carta. 

1381 The English peasant revolt was crushed in London. 

1389 Ottoman Turks crushed Serbia in the Battle of Kosovo. 

1607 Colonists in North America completed James Fort in Jamestown,
VA. 

1667 Jean-Baptiste Denys administered the first fully-documented
human blood transfusion. He successfully transfused the blood of a
sheep to a 15-year old boy. 

1752 Benjamin Franklin experimented by flying a kite during a
thunderstorm. The result was a little spark that showed the
relationship between lightning and electricity. 

1844 Charles Goodyear was granted a patent for the process that
strengthens rubber. 

1846 The United States and Britain settled a boundary dispute
concerning the boundary between the U.S. and Canada, by signing a
treaty. 

1866 Prussia attacked Austria. 

1898 The U.S. House of representatives approved the annexation of
Hawaii. 

1909 Benjamin Shibe patented the cork center baseball. 

1911 The Computing-Tabulating-Recording Co. was incorporated in the
state of New York. The company was later renamed International
Business Machines (IBM) Corp. 

1917 Great Britain pledged the release of all the Irish captured
during the Easter Rebellion of 1916. 

1919 Captain John Alcock and Lt. Arthur W. Brown won $50,000 for
successfully completing the first non-stop trans-Atlantic plane
flight. (Newfoundland to Ireland)

1940 The French fortress of Verdun was captured by Germans. 

1944 American forces began their successful invasion of Saipan
during World War II. 

1947 The All-Indian Congress accepted a British plan for the
partition of India. 

1948 Soviet authorities announced that the Autobahn in East Germany
would be closed indefinitely "for repairs." 

1958 Greece severed military ties to Turkey because of the Cypress
issue. 

1964 The last French troops left Algeria. 

1978 King Hussein of Jordan married 26-year-old American Lisa
Halaby, who became Queen Noor. 

1981 The U.S. agreed to provide Pakistan with $3 billion in
military and economic aid from October 1982 to October 1987. 

1982 In the capital city of Stanley, the Falklands war ended as
Argentine troops surrendered to the British. All Argentinians were
subsequently deported.

1983 The U.S. Supreme Court reinforced its position on abortion by
striking down state and local restrictions on abortions. 

1986 Pravda, the Communist Party newspaper, reported that the chief
engineer of the Chernobyl nuclear plant was dismissed for
mishandling the incident at the plant. 

1992 It was ruled by the U.S. Supreme Court that the government
could kidnap criminal suspects from foreign countries for
prosecution. 

1992 U.S. Vice President Dan Quayle instructed a student to spell
"potato" with an "e" on the end during a spelling bee. He had
relied on a faulty flash card that had been written by the
student's teacher. 

1994 Israel and the Vatican established full diplomatic relations. 

1999 South Korean naval forces sank a North Korean torpedo boat
during an exchange in the disputed Yellow Sea. 

2018  smiled.





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Pop Up Blockers 
Thursday, June 14, 2018, 10:22 AM
Posted by Administrator
		






---

Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday,  June 14

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Man arrested after taking cash register from Walmart, 
then trying to carjack 2 people at knifepoint
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, June 14 in
1907 Women in Norway won the right to vote. 

More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history 
that man can never learn anything from history.
--- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child.
We can't decide whether to ruin our carpets or ruin our lives.
--- Rita Rudner

Might we not say to the confused voices which sometimes
arise from the depths of our being:  "Ladies, be so kind as
to speak only four at a time?"
--- Madame Swetchine
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Three ministers a Presbyterian, a Methodist, and a Southern
Baptist and their wives were on a cruise. A tidal wave came
up and swamped the ship.

They all drowned, and next thing you know, they're standing
before St. Peter.

First in line was the Presbyterian and his wife. St. Peter
shook his head sadly and said, "I can't let you in. You were
moral and upright, but you loved money too much. You loved
it so much, you even married a woman named Penny."

St. Peter waved sadly, and poof! Down the chute to the
'Other Place' they went.

Then came the Methodist. "Sorry, can't let you in either,"
said Saint Peter. "You abstained from liquor and dancing
and cards, but you loved food too much. You loved food so
much, you even married a woman named Candy!" 
Sadly, St. Peter waved again, and whang! Down the chute
went the Methodists.

The Southern Baptist turned to his wife and whispered
nervously, "It doesn't look good, Fanny."
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________



_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________

Thanks to BP for this one:
My grandfather came to America to gain freedom, but
it didn't work. My grandmother came over on the very
next boat.
____________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Christopher Hill, 36,
Jacksonville,
Florida

Man arrested after taking cash register from Walmart, 
then trying to carjack 2 people at knifepoint

 A man was arrested Friday after he took a cash register drawer
from the Walmart at River City Marketplace and then tried to
carjack two people at knifepoint.

Christopher Raymond Hill, 36, was arrested on charges of strong arm
robbery, carjacking with firearm or deadly weapon, aggravated
battery with a deadly weapon and trespassing, according to the
Jacksonville Sheriff's Office online inmate information search.

Investigators found the incident began when Hill went into the
Walmart liquor store and asked if he could have change for a $20.
Hill was told by the cashier he would have to buy something and he
then bought a pack of cigarettes.

The cashier, LaToya King, spoke with Action News Jax about the
incident. She said she didn't think twice of Hill, who was dressed
in bright orange, until she opened her cash register.

"When I did that, he leaped over the counter and he grabbed my hand
and I was like, 'Sir, what are you doing?'" King said.

Once the register was open, Hill grabbed the register and ran out
of the store, according to a JSO arrest report.

A witness saw Hill get into a silver Ford SUV, but it did not
appear to start, so he got out and ran.

Police said Hill approached a man who was sitting in the parking
lot near Supercuts. Hill asked the man for a ride and the man
refused.

Hill asked for a ride when he refused the 36-year-old pulled out a
knife cutting his hands and leg. 

"I turned the ignition off, grabbed my keys, opened the door and
boom, there he was," Scott Reardean said.

According to the report, Hill put the cash register in the
Reardean's truck bed and pulled a knife, cutting Reardean on the
hands and leg, the arrest report said.

"I was bascially just doing this, trying to get the knife off me,
and he's like, trying to pull me and he yanked my shirt and ripped
it all up," Reardean said.

Reardean said to Action News Jax that he was able to grab his
pistol from his truck and pointed it at Hill, who then ran away
toward Starbucks.

Hill ran to the car of a woman who was in line at the Starbucks
drive-through. She told police she rolled down her passenger's side
window to see what he wanted and she said Hill opened her door and
got into the car.

The woman said Hill told her to drive because someone was chasing
him. She told police she tried to push him out of the vehicle and
he would not get out. According to the report, she was in fear for
her life, so she got out of her car to to get her Ruger pistol out
of her trunk.

Hill got out of the car and came toward her. She said she pointed
her pistol at him and he ran away.

When police arrived, they found Hill had barricaded himself inside
the bathroom at Supercuts, but he came out when officers ordered
him to.

According to the report, Hill told police, "The reason I was
running and did this was because somebody was after me."

King said she is still shocked about what happened, but she said
she's glad Hill is behind bars.

"Now I know he's locked up and he can't do this to anyone else
again," King said.

As of Monday morning, Hill was still in the Duval County Jail being
held on a bond of $91,512. His next court date is set for July 2.



Tech Support Pits
From: Tammy
Re: Pop Up Blocker

Dear webby,
Hi there, once again I want to thank you for the humor daily,
its a highlight of my lunch hour at work.... now I need to ask
a question, I turned off my pop up blocker so I could fill out a
online application, now I get pop ups and can't figure out how
to turn the blocker back on.
Please help, thanks so much,
Tammy

Dear Tammy
Click on TOOLS
Intenet Options
Privacy
and there it is at the bottom.
You can bypass the PopUp Blocker by holding down the
CTRL key when you click on a link.
Have FUN
DearWebby



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.

A guy walks into a gas station and buys a pack
of cigarettes. He pulls one out and starts
smoking it.

The cashier says, "Excuse me sir, but you can't
smoke in here."

The guy says, "Don't you think it's kinda dumb
that I buy them here but can't smoke them here?"

And the cashier replies, "Not at all...we also
sell condoms here."



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




Why can't Italians skateboard?

They get wop sided:
When they talk, the flailing arms knock them off balance.
____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Jars for Drinking Glasses
After pricing drinking glasses in the store, I bought a case
of a dozen pint canning jars for about 1/3 the cost. I enjoy
the "country" look, and can use the jars next fall to can.
You can sometimes find these at garage sales. By Sandra

Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com

____________________________________________________




The forest that blooms a brilliant yellow for just a few days a year.  Stunning!

___________________________________________________

A young boy called the pastor of a local "corner" church
to ask the pastor to come by to pray for his mother who
had been very ill with the flu.

The pastor knew the family and was aware they had been
attending another church down the road. So the pastor
asked, "Shouldn't you be asking Brother Simon down the
road to come by to pray with your mom?"

The young boy replied, "Yeah, but we didn't want to take
the chance that he might catch whatever it is that Mom has."
___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments
with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment
to "honor thy father and thy mother," she asked "Is there a
commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"

Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."
____________________________________________________



Today, June 14 in
1775 The Continental Army was founded by the Second Continental
Congress for purposes of common defense. This event is considered
to be the birth of the United States Army. On June 15, George
Washington was appointed commander-in-chief. 

1777 The Continental Congress in Philadelphia adopted the "Stars
and Stripes" as the national flag of the United States. The Flag
Resolution stated "Resolved: that the flag of the United States be
made of thirteen stripes, alternate red and white; that the union
be thirteen stars, white in a blue field, representing a new
Constellation." On May 20, 1916, President Woodrow Wilson
officially proclaimed June 14 "Flag Day" as a commemoration of the
"Stars and Stripes." 

1789 Captain William Bligh of the HMS Bounty arrived in Timor in a
small boat. 

1834 Cyrus Hall McCormick received a patent for his reaping
machine. 

1834 Isaac Fischer Jr. patented sandpaper. 

1841 The first Canadian parliament opened in Kingston. 

1846 A group of U.S. settlers in Sonoma proclaimed the Republic of
California. 

1893 Philadelphia observed the first Flag Day. 

1900 Hawaii became a U.S. territory. 

1907 Women in Norway won the right to vote. 

1917 General John Pershing arrived in Paris during World War I. 

1919 The first non-stop trans-Atlantic flight began. Captain John
Alcot and Lt. Arthur Brown flew from Newfoundland to Ireland. 

1927 Nicaraguan President Adolfo Diaz signed a treaty with the U.S.
allowing American intervention in his country. 

1940 The Nazis opened their concentration camp at Auschwitz in
German-occupied Poland. 

1940 German troops entered Paris. As Paris became occupied loud
speakers announced the implementation of a curfew being imposed for
8 p.m. 

1943 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that schoolchildren could not be
made to salute the U.S. flag if doing so conflicted with their
religious beliefs. 

1944 Sixty U.S. B-29 Superfortress' attacked an iron and steel
works factory on Honshu Island. 

1945 Burma was liberated by Britain. 

1949 The state of Vietnam was formed. 

1951 "Univac I" was unveiled. It was a computer designed for the
U.S. Census Bureau and billed as the world's first commercial
computer. 

1952 The Nautilus was dedicated. It was the first nuclear powered
submarine. 

1954 U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower signed an order adding the
words "under God" to the Pledge of Allegiance. 

1954 Americans took part in the first nation-wide civil defense
test against atomic attack. 

1965 A military triumvirate took control in Saigon, South Vietnam. 

1967 Mariner 5 was launched from Cape Kennedy, FL. The space
probe's flight took it past Venus. 

1982 Argentine forces surrendered to British troops on the Falkland
Islands. 

1989 Former U.S. President Reagan received an honorary knighthood
from Britain's Queen Elizabeth II. 

1990 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld police checkpoints that are used
to examine drivers for signs of intoxication. 

1994 The New York Rangers won the Stanley Cup by defeating the
Vancouver Canucks. It was the first time the Rangers had won the
cup in 54 years. 

2018  smiled.





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Response challenge 
Wednesday, June 13, 2018, 10:11 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday,  June 13

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Appeal denied for wannabe kidnapper
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, June 13 in
1920 The U.S. Post Office Department ruled that children 
may not be sent by parcel post. 

More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows.
---David T. Wolf (1943 - )  

On the whole human beings want to be good, but not too good, 
and not quite all the time.
--- George Orwell (1903 - 1950)

Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children 
because they are more certain they are their own. 
---Aristotle
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a gathering, and Anni, his
hostess, naturally broached the subject in which the doctor
was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me, Doctor,"
Anni asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody
who appears completely normal?"

"Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask him a simple
question which everyone should answer with no trouble.
If he hesitates, that puts you on the track."

"What sort of question?" Anni questioned.

"Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips
around the world and died during one of them. Which one?'

Anni thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh,
"You wouldn't happen to have another example would you?
I must confess I don't know much about history."
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________




_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________

Terri and Buzz, a retired couple from New York City,
living in Miami, are getting ready to go out to
dinner. Terri says, "Buzz, darling, do you
want me to wear this Chanel suit or the Gucci?"

Buzz says, "Do I care?"

A few minutes later Terri says, "Buzz, should I wear
my Cartier watch or my Rolex?"

Buzz says, "Who cares?"

A few more minutes pass and Terri says, "Buzz, love,
shall I wear my five-carat pear diamond ring or my
six-carat round diamond ring with the baguettes?"

Buzz says, "Terri, I really don't care what you wear,
but if you don't move your butt , we're going to miss
the Early Bird Special at McDonalds.
____________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Todd Richard Ferry,
59,
in jail in 
Pennsylvania

Appeal denied for wannabe kidnapper

A middle-aged man who tried to kidnap a teenage Mennonite girl in
the driveway of her family's home deserves the 10- to 20-year
prison sentence he's serving for the crime, a state appeals court
panel has ruled.

The fact that Todd Richard Ferry left an anonymous apology note in
the family's mailbox the day after the kidnapping attempt in no way
lessens the terrifying impact of what he tried to do, Judge Mary
Jane Bowes concluded in the Superior Court's opinion.

Investigators said Ferry, now 59, of New Enterprise, had an
obsession with Mennonite girls in Bedford County long before he
tried to snatch the 17-year-old off her bicycle in November 2014.

The girl told police that she rode her bike home from work at a
produce farm and was getting mail from her family's mailbox when a
man knocked her off her bike and grabbed her. She didn't see her
attacker's face, but heard him say, "Get in the car, you're coming
with me." She broke free and ran home, but not before her assailant
ripped her dress and bruised her shoulders and knees.

The girl's mother called state police the next day after finding an
envelope in her mailbox from the attacker. "I'm sorry about the
wrestling match I had with you," the unsigned note read. "I fell in
love with you...There is no way to approach you and now I have
failed my only way...I still want to meet you and you don't need to
fear me."

Police said they later found Ferry's DNA on that envelope, and on a
pair of sweat pants found lying in the victim's driveway. They said
Ferry at first denied trying to abduct the girl, then admitted to
accosting her because "he just wanted to talk to her."

A county jury convicted Ferry on charges of attempted kidnapping,
false imprisonment, child luring and simple assault after hearing
that evidence. Several Mennonite witnesses testified during his
trial that Ferry was "overly friendly" with young Mennonite girls.

In denying Ferry's appeal, Bowes rejected his arguments that his
sentence the maximum allowed for his crime is too severe and that
prosecutors should not have been allowed to use the DNA evidence or
the testimony of other Mennonite and "English" witnesses against
him.

Bowes discounted Ferry's contention that there was no proof he
actually was trying to kidnap the teen. She cited the terror
inflicted on the girl by Ferry's "highly inappropriate attempt to
get to know her by force."

The evidence of Ferry's guilt is "overwhelming," the judge found. 

Bowes upheld Ferry's jail sentence despite his claim that "there
was minimal harm caused" to the victim. Instead, Bowes agreed with
county Judge Travis W. Livengood that only the maximum prison
sentence was appropriate in the case. 

She cited Livengood's conclusions that Ferry showed "absolutely no
remorse," that Ferry planned the abduction in great detail, and
that his behavior was "anti-social" and "strange."



Tech Support Pits
From: Sandie
Re: Response Challenge

Dear webby,
What IS a Response Challenge ?
Sandie

Dear Sandie
A Response Challenge is when, after sending a mail to
somebody, instead of an answer, you get soime silly
auto-responder and are expected to prove tat you are
human by punching in some hard to read numbers.

It's OK to have that challenge as part of an order form,
but definitely not OK with email. Like me, a lot of people
filter that kind of crap into the trash, unread, just like
any auto-responder.

Have FUN
DearWebby



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.

Did you know that Elvis was an especially colorful character?
He was a redneck who stole the blues from the blacks and
sold it to the whites.



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!



There was an old lady named May,
Took a stroll in the park by the bay.
She met a young man,
Who loved her and ran.
Now she goes to the park everyday.
____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
How Much Work Does It Cost?
Before buying a big ticket item or anything that you might
not need, calculate how many hours it will take you to earn
the money to buy the item. It helps me put the cost of
purchases in perspective. By Beth

Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com

____________________________________________________




The forest that blooms a brilliant yellow for just a few days a year.  Stunning!

___________________________________________________

A couple of Torontonians had just closed down their store on
busy Yonge Street and were standing in the middle of their empty
shop when one said to the other, "I'll bet you ten bucks that if
we wait here a few minutes, some Newfie is going to come by,
peer through the window, and come in and ask us what we're
selling."

Sure enough, just as he finished speaking, a Newfie stuck his
face up to the window, looked around at the empty shelves
and then walked over and asked, "How's she goin, b'y. I was
just wonderin' what you fellas was sellin'??"

One of the Torontians grinned at the other and replied, "We're
selling idiots, friend",

To this the Newfie responded, "Well, ya must be doin' some
good business 'cause dere's only two o' ya left."

___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.


Two country doctors out in the hills of West
Virginia were discussing the population
explosion in the world.

One physician says, "Why, Bubba, thiseyer
crazy birth thang isa gettin' so bad that
perty soon, they ain't gonna be room for
ever'body! There'sa gonna be standin' room
only on this here planet!"

The other doctor replied, "Heck, that sure
oughta slow 'em down a bit!"
____________________________________________________



Today, June 13 in
1415 Henry the Navigator, the prince of Portugal, embarked on an
expedition to Africa. 

1777 The Marquis de Lafayette arrived in the American colonies to
help with their rebellion against the British. 

1789 Ice cream was served to General George Washington by Mrs.
Alexander Hamilton. 

1825 Walter Hunt patented the safety pin. Hunt then then sold the
rights for $400. 

1866 The 14th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was passed by the
U.S. Congress. It was ratified on July 9, 1868. The amendment was
designed to grant citizenship to and protect the civil liberties of
recently freed slaves. It did this by prohibiting states from
denying or abridging the privileges or immunities of citizens of
the United States, depriving any person of his life, liberty, or
property without due process of law, or denying to any person
within their jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws. 

1898 The Canadian Yukon Territory was organized. 

1900 China's Boxer Rebellion against foreigners and Chinese
Christians erupted into violence. 

1912 Captain Albert Berry made the first successful parachute jump
from an airplane in Jefferson, Mississippi. 

1920 The U.S. Post Office Department ruled that children may not be
sent by parcel post. 

1922 Charlie Osborne started the longest attack on hiccups. He
hiccuped over 435 million times before stopping. He died in 1991,
11 months after his hiccups ended. 

1923 The French set a trade barrier between the occupied Ruhr and
the rest of Germany. That did not go over well.

1927 Charles Lindbergh was honored with a ticker-tape parade in New
York City. 

1927 For the first time, an American Flag was displayed from the
right hand of the Statue of Liberty. 

1940 Paris was evacuated before the German advance on the city. 

1943 German spies landed on Long Island, New York. They were soon
captured. 

1944 Germany launched 10 of its new V1 rockets against Britain from
a position near the Channel coast. Of the 10 rockets only 5 landed
in Britain and only one managed to kill (6 people in London). 

1944 Marvin Camras patented the wire recorder. 

1949 Bao Dai entered Saigon to rule Vietnam. He had been installed
by the French. 

1951 U.N. troops seized Pyongyang, North Korea. 

1966 The landmark "Miranda v. Arizona" decision was issued by the
U.S. Supreme Court. The decision ruled that criminal suspects had
to be informed of their constitutional rights before being
questioned by police. 

1971 The New York Times began publishing the "Pentagon Papers". The
articles were a secret study of America's involvement in Vietnam. 

1978 Israelis withdrew the last of their invading forces from
Lebanon. 

1979 Sioux Indians were awarded $105 million in compensation for
the U.S. seizure in 1877 of their Black Hills in South Dakota. 

1983 The unmanned U.S. space probe Pioneer 10 became the first
spacecraft to leave the solar system. It was launched in March
1972. The first up-close images of the planet Jupiter were provided
by Pioneer 10. 

1988 The Liggett Group, a cigarette manufacturer, was found liable
for a lung-cancer death. They were, however, found innocent by the
federal jury of misrepresenting the risks of smoking. 

1992 Future U.S. President Bill Clinton criticized rap singer
Sister Souljah for making remarks "filled with hatred" towards
whites. 

1994 A jury in Anchorage, Alaska, found Exxon Corp. and Captain
Joseph Hazelwood to be reckless in the Exxon Valdez oil spill. 

1995 France announced that they would conduct eight more nuclear
tests in the South Pacific. 

2000 In Pyongyang, North Korea's leader Kim Jong Il welcomed South
Korea's President Kim Dae for a three-day summit. It was the first
such meeting between the leaders of North and South Korea. 

2018  smiled.





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Camera comparison 
Tuesday, June 12, 2018, 09:24 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday,  June 12

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Couple involved in major drug bust in Johnstown
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, June 12 in
1979 Bryan Allen flew the Gossamer Albatross, man powered, across
the English Channel.

More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
In preparing for battle I have always found that plans are useless,
but planning is indispensable.
--- Dwight D. Eisenhower (1890 - 1969)

Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that
comes from bad judgment.
--- Socratex
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Judge: "Was the child born out of wedlock?"   

Mother: "No, sir, just outside of Louisville."   
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________




_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________

Food for thought...
You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night. You pass
by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for the bus:
 1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
 2. An old friend who once saved your life.
 3. The perfect man (or) woman you have been dreaming about.

 Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there
 could only be one passenger in your car.

 Think before you continue reading.

 This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as
 part of a job application.

 You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and
 thus you should save her first; or you could take the old friend
 because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect
 chance to pay him back.

 However, you may never be able to find your perfect dream
 lover again.

 The candidate who was hired! (out of 200 applicants) had no
 trouble  coming up with his answer. I love this, I may actually
 use it sometime for an interview situation.
 WHAT DID HE SAY?

 He simply answered: "I would give the car keys to my old friend,
 and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind
 and wait for the bus with the woman of my dreams."
____________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Scott Miller,
Kathy Miller,
Johnstown,
Florida

Couple involved in major drug bust in Johnstown

Johnstown police have identified two people they say were involved
in a major drug bust Saturday night.
The police chief, Robert Johnson, said Scott and Kathy Miller were
arrested and are now facing felony charges.

JOHNSTOWN- Johnstown police have identified two people they say
were involved in a major drug bust Saturday night.
The police chief, Robert Johnson, said Scott and Kathy Miller were
arrested and are now facing felony charges.

Johnstown said officers were tipped off about suspicious drug
activity happening at a home on Bedford Street. 
He said they got a search warrant and served it at the home
Saturday night.

Inside, police said they seized 45 pounds of marijuana, a gun and
$3,000 in cash.

"As I'm told, these people just moved into the neighborhood within
the last week or so. So, this is a really nice bit of police work
in a very quick time period for what these people have been here
for," said Johnson.

Johnson said the street value of the drugs seized is about
$325,000.

According to online documents, the Millers are facing felony
charges including, manufacturing or possession with intent to
deliver.

Bail is set at $500,000 each.



Tech Support Pits
From: Nina
Re: Camera comparison

Dear webby,
What should I look for when comparing different cameras?
Nina

Dear Nina
Look for a large lens to reach further into twilight, darkness
and indoor shots without flash, and also higher picture
quality.

Look for a long optical zoom and anti-shake.
Totally ignore digital zoom. That's a gimmick that
doesn't work.

Look for a real optical view finder that shows the correct
zoom. I do like having the fold-out swivel
monitor for indoor shots, but outside I find a camera
quite useless, if it has no optical viewfinder.

Don't worry about how many MegaPixels are claimed
in the ads. That number is as phony as a Sears vacuum
cleaner horsepower rating. About all that number is
good for is for comparing cameras of the same brand.
Different manufacturers use different size pixels and
different ways to use them.

Have FUN
DearWebby



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.


There was this city doctor who started a practice
in the countryside.

He once had to go to a farm to attend to a
sick farmer who lived there.

After a few housecalls he stopped coming to
the farm.

The puzzled farmer finally phoned him to
ask whats the matter, didn't he like him
or somethin'.

The doctor said, "No, its your ducks at
the entrance... Every time I enter the
farm, they call me a quack!"



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!



A Catholic boy was bragging to his Jewish friend.
"My priest knows more than your rabbi."

"Of course he does," said the Jewish boy. "You tell
him everything."
____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Cheap Cleaner
For large cleaning projects, try TSP (TriSodiumPhospahte)
TSP used to be the main active ingredient in most detergents,
but got a bad name because it promoted underwater weed
growth in canals, rivers and lakes, into which improperly
treated sewage was dumped into. What was bad was not the
TSP, but Millions of people using a lot of it all year long.
It was simply too much of a good thing.

TSP is still a powerful phospate fertilizer, and your tomatoes
will love it, when you dump the used cleaning water near them.

You won't find TSP at the supermarket, where all the overpriced
and nicely packaged retail cleaners are. You can find it at
building and industrial paint suppliers, in the PAINT section.
Painters use it, after thinning it down with a lot of water,
to clean dirty walls before painting.
TSP is dirt cheap. At Canadian Tire for example, a gallon jug
of concentrate is CDN $4.95.

For cleaning previously painted stuff, use 40 parts of water to
one part TSP. For a really greasy stove vent hoods or car
engines, use one part water and one part TSP.

Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com

____________________________________________________




Meet some women firefighters.

___________________________________________________

A father is asked by his friend, "Has your son decided what he
wants to be when he grows up?" "Yes, he wants to be a garbage
collector," replied the boy's father.

His friend thought for a moment and responded, "That's a rather
strange ambition to have for a career." "Well," said the boy's
father, "he thinks that garbage collectors only work on Tuesdays!" 
___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

One woman was bragging to her next-door neighbor about her   
son, a college student at the University of Illinois. "Why,   
our son is so brilliant, every time we get a letter from   
him we have to go to the dictionary."   

"You're lucky," the neighbor said. "Every time we get a   
letter from our son in college, we have to go to the bank!"   
____________________________________________________



Today, June 12 in
1099 Crusade leaders visited the Mount of Olives where they met a
hermit who urged them to assault Jerusalem. 

1442 Alfonso V of Aragon was crowned King of Naples. 

1665 England installed a municipal government in New York. It was
the former Dutch settlement of New Amsterdam. 

1812 Napoleon's invasion of Russia began. 

1839 Abner Doubleday created the game of baseball, according to the
legend. 

1849 Lewis Haslett patented a gas mask. (Patent US6529 A) 

1897 Carl Elsener patented his penknife. The object later became
known as the Swiss army knife. 

1898 Philippine nationalists declared their independence from
Spain. 

1900 The Reichstag approved a second law that would allow the
expansion of the German navy. 

1901 Cuba agreed to become an American protectorate by accepting
the Platt Amendment. 

1918 The first airplane bombing raid by an American unit occurred
on World War I's Western Front in France. 

1921 U.S. President Warren Harding urged every young man to attend
military training camp. 

1923 Harry Houdini, while suspended upside down 40 feet above the
ground, escaped from a strait jacket. 

1926 Brazil quit the League of Nations in protest over plans to
admit Germany. 

1935 U.S. Senator Huey Long of Louisiana made the longest speech on
Senate record. The speech took 15 1/2 hours and was filled by
150,000 words. 

1935 The Chaco War was ended with a truce. Bolivia and Paraguay had
been fighting since 1932. 

1937 The Soviet Union executed eight army leaders under Joseph
Stalin. 

1941 In London, the Inter-Allied Declaration was signed. It was the
first step towards the establishment of the United Nations. 

1944 Chinese Communist leader Mao Tse-tung announced that he would
support Nationalist leader Chiang Kai-shek in the war against
Japan. 

1963 "Cleopatra" starring Elizabeth Taylor, Rex Harrison, and
Richard Burton premiered at the Rivoli Theatre in New York City. 

1967 State laws which prohibited interracial marriages were ruled
unconstitutional by the U.S. Supreme Court. 

1975 Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi was found guilty of
corrupt election practices in 1971. 

1979 Bryan Allen flew the Gossamer Albatross, man powered, across
the English Channel. 

1981 "Raiders of the Lost Ark" opened in the U.S. 

1982 75,000 people rallied against nuclear weapons in New York
City's Central Park. Jackson Browne, James Taylor, Bruce
Springsteen, and Linda Ronstadt were in attendance. 

1985 Wayne "The Great One" Gretsky was named winner of the NHL's
Hart Trophy. The award is given to the the league Most Valuable
Player. 

1985 The U.S. House of Representatives approved $27 million in aid
to the Nicaraguan contras. 

1986 South Africa declared a national state of emergency. Virtually
unlimited power was given to security forces and restrictions were
put on news coverage of the unrest. 

1987 U.S. President Reagan publicly challenged Mikhail Gorbachev to
tear down the Berlin Wall. 

1990 The parliament of the Russian Federation formally declared its
sovereignty. 

1991 Russians went to the election polls and elected Boris N.
Yeltsin as the president of their republic. 

1992 In a letter to the U.S. Senate, Russian Boris Yeltsin stated
that in the early 1950's the Soviet Union had shot down nine U.S.
planes and held 12 American survivors. 

1996 In Philadelphia a panel of federal judges blocked a law
against indecency on the internet. The panel said that the 1996
Communications Decency Act would infringe upon the free speech
rights of adults. 

1998 Compaq Computer paid $9 billion for Digital Equipment Corp. in
largest high-tech acquisition. 

1999 NATO peacekeeping forces entered the province of Kosovo in
Yugoslavia. 

2003 In Arkansas, Terry Wallis spoke for the first time in nearly
19 years. Wallis had been in a coma since July 13, 1984, after
being injured in a car accident. 

2009 In the U.S., The switch from analog TV trasmission to digital
was completed.

2018  smiled.




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Attachments in email 
Monday, June 11, 2018, 10:35 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, !
Today is Monday,  June 11

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Philadelphia teacher accused of 
taking bribes from students
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, June 11 in
1990 The U.S. Supreme Court wimps struck down a law that 
would prohibit the desecration of the American Flag. 

More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
We seem to believe it is possible to ward off death by following
rules of good grooming.
--- Don Delillo

Things that matter most must never be at the mercy
of things that matter least.
--- Goethe
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

How to Make a Woman Happy
It's not difficult to make a woman happy.
A man only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOY MUST ALSO:
51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS ALSO VERY IMPORTANT:
54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes (Whether she tell you about them or not)


FOR WOMEN HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY
1. Show up naked
2. Bring food

_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________



Oswego Harbor with the Oswego Lighthouse.
_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________

The young secretary was describing her evening's exploits to
a friend. "After dinner," she said, "he wanted to come back
to my apartment, but I refused. I told him my mother would
worry if I did anything like that."

"That was smart," her friend said, approvingly, "Then what
happened?"

"He kept insisting, and I kept refusing," the secretary said.

"You didn't weaken your resolve did you?" asked the friend.

"Not one bit. In the end, we went to his apartment. I figured,
let HIS mother worry."
____________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Amanda Richardson,
Philadelphia,
Pennsylvania

Philadelphia teacher accused of 
taking bribes from students

A Philadelphia high school has removed a teacher from the classroom
after she was accused of taking bribes from students in exchange
for better grades. NBC10 received a tip that Amanda Richardson, a
humanities teacher at LINC High School, was giving students higher
grades in exchange for undisclosed bribes.

The school district said that the teacher was "promptly" removed
from the classroom and the Inspector General and Philadelphia
police were notified of the allegations. 

"We are aware of the situation and once it was brought to our
attention, we acted immediately. The teacher was promptly removed
from the school and both the Inspector General and Philadelphia
Police have been notified. The School District of Philadelphia is
fully cooperating with the investigation."

Richardson refused to comment on the claims until everything is
cleared with the teachers union.



Tech Support Pits
From: Carole
Re: Attachments

Dear webby:
Does the Humor Letter ever have attachments?
Do you have a virus or spyware?
Carole

Dear Carole
No, the Humor Letter never has attachments, never did
and never will. It is not sent from a Windows computer,
but from a big server running Linux. 
Windows viruses and spyware don't work on Linux any more 
than a bicycle works on the ocean.

If you saw an attachment with the Humor Letter, then either
your computer or the computer of your ISP is infected,
or else you got your mail program misconfigured so that it
shows mail with embedded pictures as if they were
attachments.

Have FUN
DearWebby



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.

A man makes a suggestion to his wife, "Honey, what do you
say that tonight we change positions?"

His wife responds with, "yes, I would really like that. Tonight,
you do the dishes and the n stand by the ironing board for a
couple of hours, and I'll lay on the couch and fart."



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!



A Swedish couple in Minnasohda are applying for a marriage license.
The clerk asks the man his name and he replies, Yan Yohansenn.

The clerk asks the woman what her name is. She replies Yolanda
Yohansenn.

The clerk asks, "Oh, any relation"? The woman blushes and says,
Yust vunce, ve couldn't vait.
____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Inspect Your Gutters 
Spring is a good time of year to check your gutters. Nail any
droopy gutters back to the fascia. The next time you get a good
rain, make sure the gutters are draining correctly and that water
is being chanelled 3 to 4 feet from your house.

Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com

____________________________________________________




May's desert wild flowers in AZ.

___________________________________________________

A guy is sitting in a bar, absolutely drooling at a pretty
young thing in her short, pink mini-dress. Using the time
honored ice breaker, he sends her a drink.

"How lucky am I," he thinks, as she gets up to come sit
next to him. They strike up a wonderful conversation.

Finally the girl turns to him and says, "Look, you seem like
a really nice guy, so I have to tell you that I'm a working girl.
I get two hundred dollars for what you think you'll ply out of
me with liquor."

He replies, "I have no problem with the money but, since you
were so straightforward I must tell you that when I come, I
go nuts. I bite, scratch, kick, punch, pull hair, break
furniture, and just plain destroy the place."

"Oh my God! How long does that last?" she asked.

"Just until I get my two hundred bucks back," he replied.
___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

A minister, a priest and a rabbi were discussing when life
begins.
"Those of my faith," said the minister, "believe that life
starts when the heart begins to beat."

"We take a different view," said the priest. "We believe
life starts at the moment of conception."

"Well," said the rabbi, "it is our belief that life starts
when the kids move out and the dog dies."
____________________________________________________



Today, June 11 in
1346 Charles IV of Luxembourg was elected Holy Roman Emperor in
Germany. 

1509 King Henry VIII married his first of six wives, Catherine of
Aragon. 

1770 Captain James Cook discovered the Great Barrier Reef off of
Australia when he ran aground. 

1776 In America, the Continental Congress formed a committee to
draft a Declaration of Independence from Britain. 

1798 Napoleon Bonaparte took the island of Malta. 

1895 Charles E. Duryea received the first U.S. patent granted to an
American inventor for a gasoline-driven automobile. 

1912 Silas Christoferson became the first pilot to take off from
the roof of a hotel. 

1915 British troops took Cameroon in Africa. 

1927 Charles A. Lindberg was presented the first Distinguished
Flying Cross. 

1930 William Beebe dove to a record-setting depth of 1,426 feet off
the coast of Bermuda. He used a diving chamber called a
bathysphere. 

1934 The Disarmament Conference in Geneva ended in failure. 

1937 Soviet leader Josef Stalin began a purge of Red Army generals.

1940 The Italian Air Force bombed the British fortress at Malta in
the Mediterranean. 

1942 The U.S. and the Soviet Union signed a lend lease agreement to
aid the Soviets in their effort in World War II. 

1943 During World War II, the Italian island of Pantelleria
surrendered after a heavy air bombardment. 

1947 The U.S. government announced an end to sugar rationing. 

1963 Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. was arrested in Florida for trying
to integrate restaurants. 

1963 Alabama Gov. George Wallace allowed two black students to
enroll at the University of Alabama. 

1967 Israel and Syria accepted a U.N. cease-fire. 

1973 After a ruling by the Justice Department of the State of
Pennsylvania, women were licensed to box or wrestle. 

1977 In the Netherlands, a 19-day hostage situation came to an end
when Dutch marines stormed a train and a school being held by South
Moluccan extremist. Two hostages and the six terrorists were
killed. 

1987 Margaret Thatcher became the first British prime minister in
160 years to win a third consecutive term of office. 

1990 The U.S. Supreme Court struck down a law that would prohibit
the desecration of the American Flag. 

1991 Mount Pinatubo in the Philippines erupted. The eruption of ash
and gas could be seen for more than 60 miles. 

1993 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that people who commit "hate
crimes" could be sentenced to extra punishment. The court also
ruled in favor of religious groups saying that they indeed had a
constitutional right to sacrifice animals during worship services. 

1993 Steven Spielberg's movie "Jurassic Park" opened. 

1998 Mitsubishi of America agreed to pay $34 million to end the
largest sexual harassment case filed by the U.S. government. The
federal lawsuit claimed that hundreds of women at a plant in
Normal, IL, had endured groping and crude jokes from male workers. 

1998 Pakistan announced moratorium on nuclear testing and offered
to talk with India over disputed Kashmir. 

2010 The FIFA World Cup opened in South Africa. It was the first
time it was held in Africa.

2018  smiled.





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Lost Mouse 
Sunday, June 10, 2018, 08:52 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday,  June 10

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Mum ‘set daughter on fire to try and 
revive her after she drowned in bath’
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, June 10 in
1920 The Republican convention in Chicago endorsed woman suffrage. 

More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
All charming people have something to conceal, 
usually their total dependence on the appreciation of others.
--- Cyril Connolly (1903 - 1974)

The truth of the matter is that you always know the right thing
to do. The hard part is doing it.
--- General H. Norman Schwarzkopf
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________
An elderly parish priest was tending his garden near a   
convent when a passerby stopped to inquire after the   
priest's much-loved roses.   
"Not bad," said the priest, "but they suffer from a disease   
peculiar to this area known as the black death."   

"What on earth is that?" asked the passerby, anxious to   
increase his garden knowledge.   

"Nuns with scissors."   
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________



Greater-bird-of-paradise
_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________

Thanks to Kati for these winning excerpts from actual High
School writings:
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two
sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking
alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog
makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike
Phil, this plan just might work.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck,
either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from
stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended
one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around
with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he
heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
____________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Carly Harris,
37,
Trealaw, 
Rhondda, south Wales

Mum ‘set daughter on fire to try and 
revive her after she drowned in bath’

Carly Harris, 37, was arrested after Amelia-Brooke Harris was found
dead at their home in Trealaw, Rhondda, south Wales, at 10.20pm
last night. 


Nicole Sallam, who claims to be a family friend, said Amelia
tragically drowned in the bath before Harris, who she says has
mental health issues, tried to bring her back to life by setting
her on fire. She said: ‘She drowned in the bath and the mother who
has mental health problems thought she could revive her child by
burning her.

Some neighbors, who knew Amelia, don't quite believe that story.
Police are still investigating.



Tech Support Pits
From: Rheta
Re: Lost mouse

Dear webby:
 My grand son has lost his mouse. I think he has melinium
not sure of the spelling of it. And I'm not sure of the keys that
can be used to find it. Got any ideas On this problem ?

Dear Rheta
Every time I lost a mouse and rebooting didn't help,
plugging in a new one fixed the problem. They don't
last very long, especially the cheaper ones.
Worst are the $1.49 mice that get shipped with new
computers.
Have FUN
DearWebby



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.

Two women were paired together as partners in a club
tournament and met on the putting green for the first time.

After introductions, the first golfer asked,
"What's your handicap?"

"Oh, I'm a scratch golfer," the other replied.

"Really!" exclaimed the first woman, suitably impressed
that she was paired up with her.

"Yes, I write down all my good scores and scratch out the
bad ones!



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!



An IRS man asks a farmer,
"How much is your prize bull worth?"

The farmer says,
"For tax purposes, or has he been hit by a train?"
____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Less Sweeping and Vacuuming 
Limit the wear and tear on your flooring and how frequently
you have to vacuum by not wearing shoes in your house.
It will cut down on the amount of dirt that winds up on your
floor dramatically.

Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com

____________________________________________________




The Shirk Report

___________________________________________________

The workplace of the tomorrow will have two employees:
a man and a dog.

The man will be there to feed the dog

The dog is there to keep the man from touching the
computers.
___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.


Two deaf men were talking on their coffee
break about being out late the night before.

The first man signed to his friend, "My wife
was asleep when I got home, so I was able
to sneak into bed, and not get into trouble."

The second deaf man signed back, "Boy,
you're lucky.  My wife was wide awake,
waiting for me in bed, and she started
swearing at me and giving me heck for
being out so late."

The first deaf man asked, "So, what did you
do?"

The second deaf man signed, "I turned out
the light!"
____________________________________________________



Today, June 10 in
1776 The Continental Congress appointed a committee to write a
Declaration of Independence. 

1793 The Jardin des Plantes zoo opened in Paris. It was the first
public zoo. 

1801 The North African State of Tripoli declared war on the U.S.
The dispute was over merchant vessels being able to travel safely
through the Mediterranean. The US responded by organizing the
Marines and sending them to Tripoli.

1854 The U.S. Naval Academy in Annapolis, MD, held its first
graduation. 

1898 U.S. Marines landed in Cuba during the Spanish-American War. 

1902 The "outlook" or "see-through" envelope was patented by
Americus F. Callahan. 

1903 Binney & Smith Company began developing a product line of wax
crayons. The product was named Crayola. 

1909 The SOS distress signal was used for the first time. The
Cunard liner SS Slavonia used the signal when it wrecked off the
Azores. 

1916 Mecca, under control of the Turks, fell to the Arabs during
the Great Arab Revolt. 

1920 The Republican convention in Chicago endorsed woman suffrage. 

1924 The Republican National Convention was broadcast by NBC radio.
It was the first political convention to be on radio. 

1925 The state of Tennessee adopted a new biology text book that
denied the theory of evolution. 

1933 Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow were in a car accident on a
rural road in north Texas. The third-degree burns suffered by
Parker resulted in a pronounced limp for the rest of her life. 

1935 Alcoholic Anonymous was founded by William G. Wilson and Dr.
Robert Smith. 

1940 Italy declared war on France and Britain. In addition, Canada
declared war on Italy. 

1943 Laszlo Biro patented his ballpoint pen. Biro was a Hungarian
journalist. 

1943 The Allies began bombing Germany around the clock. 

1944 The youngest pitcher in major league baseball pitched his
first game. Joe Nuxhall was 15 years old (and 10 months and 11
days). 

1946 Italy established a republic replacing its monarchy. 

1948 Chuck Yeager exceeded the speed of sound in the Bell XS-1. He
was the first American to go that fast. Germans had gone over the
speed of sound with Messerschmitts before 1945, but only briefly.

1954 General Motors announced the gas turbine bus had been produced
successfully. 

1967 Israel and Syria agreed to a cease-fire that ended the Six-Day
War. 

1971 The U.S. ended a 21-year trade embargo of China. 

1984 The U.S. Army successfully tested an antiballistic missile. 

1984 The United States and the Vatican established full diplomatic
relations for the first time in 117 years. 

1985 The Israeli army pulled out of Lebanon after 1,099 days of
occupation. 

1990 The Civic Forum movement won Czechoslovakia's first free
elections since 1946. The movement was founded by President Vaclav
Havel. 

1990 Bulgaria's former Communist Party won the country's first free
elections in more than four decades. 

1993 It was announced by scientists that genetic material was
extracted from an insect that lived when dinosaurs roamed the
Earth. 

1994 U.S. President Clinton intensified sanctions against Haiti's
military leaders. U.S. commercial air travel was suspended along
with most financial transactions between Haiti and the U.S. 

1996 Britain and Ireland opened Northern Ireland peace talks. The
IRA's political arm Sinn Fein was excluded. 

1998 The Wisconsin Supreme Court ruled that poor children in
Milwaukee could attend religious schools at taxpayer expense. 

1999 NATO suspended air strikes in Yugoslavia after Slobodan
Milosevic agreed to withdraw his forces from Kosovo. 

2015 The movie Jurassic World opened in 60 countries. It became the
first movie to make $500 million its opening weekend. 

2018  smiled.





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Faster  computer 
Saturday, June 9, 2018, 09:56 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday,  June 9

3.8% Unemployment, more job openings than applicants!
If Trump keeps that up, pretty soon I'll have to move 
South to help out!

With Mexifornia handing out Visas with Democratic Party
registrations, that should not be difficult. 
I was told you don't really have to vote for Pelousy 
just because of registering for Democratic Party junkmail.

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Man from Georgia busted with guns, hollow-point 
bullets at Port Authority Bus Terminal
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, June 9 in
1534 Jacques Cartier became the first to sail into the river 
he named Saint Lawrence. 

More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the
whole government working for you.
--- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)  

Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many
rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book.
--- Ronald Reagan (1911 - 2004) 
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________
One day as the water of the mighty Mississippi River rose a
man and his son were forced to retreat to their rooftop. While
there, a neighbour passed by in a row boat and shouted,
"Come with me I'll take you to higher ground."

The man politely refused saying, "I have faith in the lord,
he will save me."

Two hours later as the water continued to rise another
neighbour passed in a rubber raft, offering to take them to
higher ground.

Again he refused saying, "I have faith in the lord, he will
save me."

Four hours passed and as the man and his son clung to
the chimney, trying to avoid the rising water a Coast Guard
helicopter hovered overhead and threw down a ladder,
"Climb up so we can take you to higher ground!" he
heard them say.

Again he refused saying, "I have faith in the lord,
he will save me!"

Well no one else came and they met their fate. Standing
before God, the man said, "Lord I believed in you, my faith
was strong and unwavering and you let us drown!"

Looking at him God replied, "You dumb ass! I sent a boat,
a raft, and a helicopter, what more did you want from me?
A cruise ship?"
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________



Lorikeets
_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________

Leroy was telling his friend Bubba about the date he had the night
before, "It was a bummer. She used four letter words all evening."

Bubba exclaimed, "Really? I can't believe you didn't enjoy that."

"Guess again," said Leroy, "All night she kept saying 'Quit,'
'Stop,' and 'Don't!'"
____________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Grant Hall, 21, 
Georgia

Man from Georgia busted with guns, hollow-point 
bullets at Port Authority Bus Terminal

A man from Georgia who has been living out of his car at Midtown’s
Port Authority Bus Terminal for the last two weeks was arrested
after Port Authority police found two handguns, dozens of hollow-
point bullets and a machete inside his vehicle, sources said
Tuesday.

Grant Hall, 21, is facing a host of weapons possession charges
after the firearms were found in his 2006 Honda Element Monday.

His car was found in the LAZ parking lot above the terminal on the
fifth floor of the Midtown terminal, Port Authority police said.

Police Officer Shaun Kehoe and rookie Police Officers Joey Cassera,
William Salzmann, and Jeffrey Hager — who were on their first day
of service at the bus terminal — were called to the parking lot on
a report of a suspicious person looking into car windows of parked
vehicles.

The cops quickly found Hall, who confessed that he had been living
in his car inside the parking lot for the past two weeks.

Hall was making his way to Montreal, he told the officers.

Cops inspected Hall’s vehicle, recovering the two unloaded
handguns, a 9-mm. magazine that can hold 30 rounds, two more
magazines that can hold 15 rounds each, 60 9-mm. hollow-point
bullets, a machete and a hatchet.

Hall was charged with two counts of gun possession, according to
court documents. 



Tech Support Pits
From: Fast Eddie
Re: Which computer is faster?

Hi Mr Webby;
I am in search of another computer and saw one over
on "Tigerdirect"  it is.......
blah blah blah

And I have one here at home (below!) I just wanted to know
which one is faster? (in speed!) Reason why is because I
want to give one of these to my daughter and I would like
something faster!
Fast Eddie

Dear Fast Eddie
Whichever machine has fewer programs and utilities, will be
the faster one.
The hardware makes little difference, since the slowest part
is the chair-to-keyboard interface.

Give the polluted one to your daughter, get yourself a new one,
and try as hard as you can to refrain from installing utilities.
Have FUN
DearWebby



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.

A lion woke up one morning feeling rowdy. He went out and
cornered a small monkey and roared,

"Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?"

The trembling monkey says, "You are, mighty lion!

Later, the lion confronts a deer and bellows, "Who is
mightiest of all jungle animals?"

The terrified deer stammers, "Oh great lion, you are by far
the mightiest animal in the jungle!"

On a roll now, the lion swaggers up to an elephant and roars,
"Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?"

Fast as lightning, the elephant snatches up the lion with his
trunk, slams him against a tree half a dozen times, the lion
is feeling like it'd been run over by a safari wagon. The
elephant then stomped on the lion till it looked like a corn
tortilla, then crapped on it, and ambled away.

The lion hollered after the elephant, "Damn, just because you
don't know the answer, you don't have to get so p'd off !"



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!



The Importance Of "Correct Punctuation"

*Version One*
Dear John:
I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous,
kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being
useless and inferior. You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for
you. I have no feelings whatsoever when we're apart. I can be
forever happy--will you let me be yours? Jane

*Version Two*
Dear John:
I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are generous,
kind, thoughtful people, who are not like you. Admit to being
useless and inferior. You have ruined me. For other men, I yearn.
For you, I have no feelings whatsoever. When we're apart, I can be
forever happy. Will you let me be? Yours, Jane 
____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Storing Paint Cans
Before storing paint, put some paint on the top and side of
the can so you can easily see what color it is. If the can is
almost empty, transfer it to a smaller container since paint
cans take up a lot of shelf space.

Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com

____________________________________________________




Fashion era swimwear.

___________________________________________________

"'Muesli' is not a word we use in America. When we sweep up   
after we have been doing woodwork and put it in a bag with   
mixed nuts and a little birdseed, and pretend it's a health-   
ful breakfast, we call it granola."   
---Bill Bryson

Rabbi Mendel was one day walking along a very narrow street, when 
he came face to face with a rival Rabbi. 
The street was too narrow for the two to pass. 
The rival, pulling himself up to his full height, said haughtily: 
. . . "I never make way for fools "    

Smiling, Rabbi Mendel stepped aside and said, . . ."I always do."
___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.


>From Ella
At the Boeing Museum of Flight in Seattle, there is a full   
size mockup of an F/A-18 fighter. A ramp allows visitors   
to climb into the cockpit and get a sense of what the pilot   
sees and feels.   

A guide at the top of the ramp points out the various   
controls and gauges in the cockpit and gives information   
about the aircraft's capabilities to each visitor who gets   
in.   

When my four-year-old grandson sat down in the plane, he seemed   
fascinated by all he saw and heard. Then, he looked out at   
us and said, "Gramma, could I have a quarter?"   
____________________________________________________



Today, June 9 in
1064 Coimbra, Portugal fell to Ferdinand, the King of Castile. 

1534 Jacques Cartier became the first to sail into the river he
named Saint Lawrence. 

1790 John Barry copyrighted "Philadelphia Spelling Book." It was
the first American book to be copyrighted. 

1790 Civil war broke out in Martinique. 

1860 The Ms. Ann Stevens book "Malaeska, the Indian Wife of the
White Hunter" was offered for sale for a dime. It was the first
published "dime novel." 

1923 Bulgaria's government was overthrown by the military. 

1931 Robert H. Goddard patented a rocket-fueled aircraft design. 

1934 Donald Duck made his debut in the Silly Symphonies cartoon
"The Wise Little Hen." 

1940 Norway surrendered to the Nazis during World War II. 

1943 The withholding tax on payrolls was authorized by the U.S.
Congress. 

1945 Japanese Premier Kantaro Suzuki declared that Japan would
fight to the last rather than accept unconditional surrender. 

1959 The first ballistic missile carrying submarine, the USS George
Washington, was launched. 

1973 Secretariat won the 105th Belmont Stakes by 31 lengths and ran
the fastest 1 1/2 miles on dirt at 2:24. 

1978 Leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
struck down a 148-year-old policy of excluding black men from the
Mormon priesthood. 

1980 Richard Pryor was severely burned by a "free-base" mixture
that exploded. He was hospitalized more than two months. 

1985 Thomas Sutherland, an American educator, was kidnapped in
Lebanon. He was not released until November 1991. 

1986 The Rogers Commission released a report on the Challenger
disaster. The report explained that the spacecraft blew up as a
result of a failure in a solid rocket booster joint. 

1999 NATO and Yugoslavia signed a peace agreement over Kosovo. 

2000 Canada and the United States signed a border security
agreement. The agreement called for the establishment of a border-
enforcement team. 

2000 The U.S. House of Representatives voted to repeal gift and
estate taxes. The bill called for the taxes to be phased out over
10 years. 

2001 Patrick Roy (Colorado Avalanche) became the first National
Hockey League (NHL) player to win three Conn Smythe Trophies. The
award is given to the playoff's Most Valuable Player. 

2011 The world's first artificial organ transplant was performed.
It was an artificial windpipe coated with stem cells. 

2018  smiled.




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More mov to mp4 converters 
Friday, June 8, 2018, 11:15 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, !
Today is Friday,  June 8
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Villager who drank ’14 to 15’ beers 
arrested after passenger knocked from golf cart
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, June 8 in
1869 Ives W. McGaffey received a U.S. patent for the 
suction vacuum cleaner. 

More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
Nobody got anywhere in the world by simply being content.
[info][add][mail][note]Louis L'Amour (1908 1988)   

Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy
driving cabs and cutting hair.
--- George Burns (1896 1996)
Or yapping on TV and papers.
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an
elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
"Big breaths," I instructed.

"Yeth, they uthed to be," remorsed the patient.
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________



_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________

Teacher: If you had $1.00 and you asked your father
for another, how many dollars would you have.

: "I would have $1.00!"

Teacher: "You don't know your arithmetic."

: "You don't know my father!"

____________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Suzette Ruth Martin, 50,
The Villages,
Florida

Villager who drank ’14 to 15’ beers 
arrested after passenger knocked from golf cart

A Villager who admitted to drinking “14 to 15” beers was arrested
after a passenger was knocked from a golf cart.

Lady Lake police were called at 8 p.m. Sunday to 1753 Lauren Lane
on the Historic Side of The Villages to investigate the accident.

Suzette Ruth Martin, 50, had been driving a golf cart out of a
garage when it “slammed into” nearby landscaping, according to an
arrest report from the Lady Lake Police Department. Martin then
tried to move the golf cart forward and her passenger was thrown
out. Lake EMS transported the passenger from the scene by
ambulance.

Martin said she had consumed 14 to 15 beers and admitted she was
drunk, the report indicated.

She declined to take part in field sobriety exercises, indicating
she was certain she would fail them.

She was unable to provide a breath sample and told police she has
emphysema and lung cancer.

Martin was arrested on a charge of driving under the influence and
booked at the Lake County Jail. She was released after posting
$1,000 bond.

Even though there are no cars allowed in most parts of The
Villages, residents know that impaired driving with golf carts and
lawn mowers is the same crime there as anywhere else.



Tech Support Pits
From: Tony
Re: MOV to MP4 converter (ALL media converter)

Dear Webby,
In reply to this one... I've been using IrfanView for years and,
IMHO, it's a great media converter. (and it's also free)

Home page:https://www.irfanview.com/
Download page: https://www.irfanview.com/main_download_engl.htm

IIRC, I think I downloaded IrfanView from one of your past
recommendations...

The media converter I use almost daily (I do a lot of video and
audio recording as well as format conversions) is Format Factory
(https://format-factory.en.softonic.com/) which I think I also got
from another DearWebby recommendation... 

IMHO, Format Factory may be a better program for your subscriber's
(Trish) needs of converting MOV files to MP4. (Also a free program)

https://format-factory.en.softonic.com/#app-softonic-review 

Format Factory 4.3.0.0
The ultimate free conversion software for PC
Tony

Dear Tony
Yes, I remember Ifranview! I used it once about 20 years ago.
I haven't got much to do with movies, otherwise I would probably
have remembered it.
Have FUN
DearWebby



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.

Thanks to Simone for this confession:
My sex life is so bad ... that when I called one of those phone
sex lines, a voice came on and said,
"Not tonight. I have an earache."



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




One evening while I was preparing dinner, my daughter came
into the kitchen asking for homework help on her vocabulary
words. "Mom," she asked, "what's a quarter horse?"

As I thought of a simple explanation, my five-year-old son
piped up, "I know! It's the one they have in front of the
grocery store."
____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Opening Jars
Having trouble opening a jar? A latex dishwashing glove
will help you grip the lid. If it is still stubborn, tap the
lid lightly with the back of a butter knife. This will break
the seal, but be careful not to break the glass jar.

Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com

____________________________________________________



The Library and Opera House that stands on two countries.

___________________________________________________

A ninety-five year old woman at the nursing home received
a visit from one of her fellow church members.
"How are you feeling?" the visitor asked.

The lady said, "Oh, I'm just worried sick!"

"What are you worried about, dear?" her friend asked.
"You look like you're in good health.  They are taking
care of you, aren't they?"

"Yes, they are taking very good care of me," said the old lady.

"Are you in any pain?" her friend asked.

"No, I have never had a pain in my life."

"Well, what are you worried about?" her friend asked again.

The lady leaned back in her rocking chair and slowly
explained her major worry. "Every close friend I ever had
has already died and gone on to heaven.
I'm afraid they're all wondering where I went."
___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

*Rules for Writers*
1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid clichés like the plague. (They're old hat.)
6. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually)
unnecessary.
9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments.
11. Don't never use no double negatives.
12. Proffer carefully to see if you any words out.
____________________________________________________



Today, June 8 in
0452	 Italy was invaded by Attila the Hun. 

0793 The Vikings raided the Northumbrian coast of England. 

1786 In New York City, commercially manufactured ice cream was
advertised for the first time. 

1790 The first loan for the U.S. was repaid. The Temporary Loan of
1789 was negotiated and secured on September 18, 1789 by Alexander
Hamilton. 

1866 Prussia annexed the region of Holstein. 

1869 Ives W. McGaffey received a U.S. patent for the suction vacuum
cleaner. 

1904 U.S. Marines landed in Tangiers, Morocco, to protect U.S.
citizens and to stop piracy.

1953 The U.S. Supreme Court outlawed segregated restaurants in
Washington, DC. 

1965 U.S. troops in South Vietnam were given orders to begin
fighting offensively. 

1967 Israeli airplanes attacked the USS Liberty in the
Mediterranean during the 6-Day War between Israel and its Arab
neighbors. 34 U.S. Navy crewmen were killed. Israel later called
the incident a tragic mistake due to the mis-identification of the
ship. The U.S. has never publicly investigated the incident. 

1969 U.S. President Richard Nixon met with President Thieu of South
Vietnam to tell him 25,000 U.S. troops would pull out by August. 

1978 A jury in Clark County, Nevada, ruled that the "Mormon will,"
was a forgery. The work was supposedly written by Howard Hughes. 

1982 U.S. President Reagan became the first American chief
executive to address a joint session of the British Parliament. 

1986 The Boston Celtics won their 16th NBA championship. 

1991 A victory parade was held in Washington, DC, to honor veterans
of the Persian Gulf War. 

1994 The warring factions in Bosnia agreed to a one-month cease-
fire. 

1995 U.S. Air Force pilot Captain Scott O'Grady was rescued by U.S.
Marines after surviving alone in Bosnia after his F-16 fighter was
shot down on June 2. 

1996 China set off an underground nuclear test blast. 

1998 The National Rifle Association elected Charlton Heston to be
its president. 

1998 In the U.S., the FTC brought an antitrust complaint against
Intel Corp., alleging its policies punished other developers of
microprocessor chips. 

1998 Honda agreed to pay $17.1 million for disconnecting anti-
pollution devices in 1.6 million cars. 

1998 The space shuttle Discovery pulled away from Mir, ending
America's three-year partnership with Russia. 

2000 The Dallas Stars and the New Jersey Devils played the NHL's
longest scoreless game in Stanley Cup finals history. The fifth
game of the series lasted 106 minutes and 21 seconds. The game
ended with a goal by Mike Madano that allowed the Stars to play a
game six back in Dallas. 

2001 Marc Chagall's painting "Study for 'Over Vitebsk" was stolen
from the Jewish Museum in New York City. The 8x10 painting was
valued at about $1 million. A group called the International
Committee for Art and Peace later announced that they would return
the painting after the Israelis and Palestinians made peace. 

2004 Nate Olive and Sarah Jones began the first known continuous
hike of the 1,800-mile trail down the U.S. Pacific Coast. They
completed the trek at the U.S.-Mexico border on September 28.

2018  smiled.





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Converting MOV to MP4 
Thursday, June 7, 2018, 07:20 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday,  June 7

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Hammer-Wielding Robber Gets Canned
(2 cans of baked beans)
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, June 7 in
2000 U.S. Federal Judge Thomas Penfield Jackson ordered the 
breakup of Microsoft Corporation. Microsoft said "NO!"

More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
Some of the worst mistakes of my life have been haircuts.
--- Jim Morrison (1943 - 1971)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

On a whim a man decided to get his wife a dozen roses and   
surprise her after work.   

The minute he opened the door, his wife took one look at   
the flowers in his hand and started screaming, "This is   
the worst day that I have EVER had! The kids have been   
terrible. They got in a food fight, the washing machine   
broke and flooded the basement, I burned dinner, the dog   
chewed up my best pair of shoes...AND NOW YOU'VE GOT THE   
NERVE TO COME HOME DRUNK!"   
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________



PeregrineFalcon flies at 389 kmh
_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________

Jarhead Math
The Korean War, in which the Marine Corps fought and won
some of its most brutal battles, was not without its gallows
humor.

During one such conflict a ROK (Republic of Korea) Commander,
whose unit was fighting along with the Marines, called legendary
Marine General Chesty Puller, to report a major Chinese attack
in his sector.

"How many Chinese are attacking you?" asked Puller.

"Many, many, many many, many Chinese!" replied the excited
Korean Officer.

General Puller asked for another count and got the same answer,
"Many, many, many, many Chinese!"

"Dammit!" swore Puller, "Put my Marine Liaison Officer on the
radio."

In a minute, an American voice came over the air: "Yes Sir?"

"Lieutenant," growled Chesty, "Exactly how many Chinese you got up
there?"

"General, we got a whole shitload of Chinese up here!"

"Thank God!" exclaimed Puller, "At least there's someone up there
who knows how to count!"

____________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Justin Tyler Stanford, 25
Youngstown, 
Florida

Hammer-Wielding Robber Gets Canned

A hammer-wielding suspect got nailed, twice, by a veteran Bay
County Sheriff's deputy armed with canned goods.  

Surveillance video of a tense confrontation between Bay County
Sheriff's officials and the suspect shows Major Jimmy Stanford
throwing two cans at the suspect's head. 

The suspect, shocked and perhaps dazed, is then surrounded and
arrested by Stanford, Chief Joel Heape and Sheriff Tommy Ford. 

The incident began shortly after 11 a.m. Thursday when 25-year-old
Justin Tyler Stanford, of Fountain, crashed his car near the
Rainbow Foods store in Youngstown. He then walked into the store
with a hammer and threatened to shoot and kill patrons and
customers. 

tanford, no relation to Major Jimmy Stanford, was charged with
assault with a deadly weapon on a law enforcement officer and
assault. 

Justin Stanford was taken to the hospital for injuries he sustained
while in car crash prior to the hammer incident. He totaled his car
near the store.

While in the emergency room, the suspect attempted to get a gun
from a deputy that was guarding him, deputies wrote in a news
release.
For that, he was charged with resisting arrest with violence.



Tech Support Pits
From: Trish
RE: .MOV to MP4

Dear Webby,
After reading todays letter, I thought of a problem I have.
 
I have videos taken on my camera and they are .MOV How do I change
that to .MP4, don’t seem to be able to do it on the computer as
in ‘save as’.
 
Thanks if you can help, 
Trish in Oz

Dear Trish
Try Wondershare

I have had it on my machine for decades, though I have never
actually used it.
I don't remember ever getting any naggers about paying or renewing.
Try it. If you don't like it, I'll find you more.

Have FUN
DearWebby



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.


"So tell me, Mrs. Smith," asked the interviewer, "have you any
other skills you think may be worth mentioning?"

"Actually, yes," said the applicant modestly. "Last year I had
two short stories published in national magazines, and I finished
my novel."

"Very impressive," he commented, "but I was thinking of skills
you could apply during office hours."

Mrs Smith explained brightly, "Oh, that was during office
hours.



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




A boy, frustrated with all the rules he had to follow, asked
his father, "Dad, when will I be old enough to do as I please?"

The father answered immediately, "I don't know, son. Nobody
has lived that long yet."

____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Ring Around the Collar 
My husband gets ring around the collar because he has oily
skin. I use liquid dishwashing detergent and smear it on the
stains and wash as usual. The oil comes right out. Cheap
shampoo also works well. 
By Misty

Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com

____________________________________________________



Amazing insects of the North American Deserts.
___________________________________________________

A Missouri farmer passed away and left 17 mules to his three
sons. The instructions left in the will said that the oldest
boy was to get one-half, the second oldest one-third, and the
youngest one-ninth. The three sons, recognizing the difficulty
of dividing 17 mules into these fractions, began to argue.

Their uncle heard about the argument, hitched up his mule and
drove out to settle the matter. He added his mule to the 17,
making 18. The oldest therefore got one-half, or nine, the
second oldest got one-third, or six, and the youngest son got
one-ninth, or two. Adding up 9, 6 and 2 equals 17. The uncle,
having settled the argument, hitched up his mule and drove
home.
___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

"How was your blind date?" a college student
asked her 21 year old roommate.
"Terrible!" the roommate answered. "He showed
up in his 1932 Rolls Royce."

"Wow! That's a very expensive classic car. What's so
bad about that?"

"He is the original owner."
____________________________________________________



Today, June 7 in
1494 Spain and Portugal divided the new lands they had discovered
between themselves. 

1498 Christopher Columbus left on his third voyage of exploration. 

1546 Peace of Ardes ended the war between France and England. 

1654 Louis XIV was crowned king of France. 

1712 The Pennsylvania Assembly banned the importation of slaves. 

1775 The United Colonies changed their name to the United States. 

1776 Richard Henry Lee of Virginia proposed to the Continental
Congress a resolution calling for a Declaration of Independence. 

1863 Mexico City was captured by French troops. 

1892 J.F. Palmer patented the cord bicycle tire. 

1900 Boxer rebels cut the rail links between Peking and Tientsin in
China. 

1903 Professor Pierre Curie revealed the discovery of Polonium. 

1909 Mary Pickford made her motion picture debut in "The Violin
Maker of Cremona." 

1929 The sovereign state of Vatican City came into existence as
copies of the Lateran Treaty were exchanged in Rome. 

1932 Over 7,000 war veterans marched on Washington, DC, demanding
their bonuses. 

1935 Pierre Laval received emergency powers to save the franc. 

1939 King George VI and his wife, Queen Elizabeth, arrived in the
U.S. It was the first visit to the U.S. by a reigning British
monarch. 

1942 The Battle of Midway ended. The sea and air battle lasted 4
days. Japan lost four carriers, a cruiser, and 292 aircraft, and
suffered 2,500 casualties. The U.S. lost the Yorktown, the
destroyer USS Hammann, 145 aircraft, and suffered 307 casualties. 

1942 Japan landed troops on the islands of Attu and Kiska in the
Aleutians. The U.S. invaded and recaptured the Alutians one year
later. 

1944 Off of the coast of Normandy, France, the Susan B. Anthony
sank. All 2,689 people aboard survived. 

1948 The Communists completed their takeover of Czechoslovakia. 

1955 "The $64,000 Question" premiered. 

1965 In the U.S., the Gemini 4 mission was completed. The mission
featured the first spacewalk by an American. 

1968 In Operation Swift Saber, U.S. Marines swept an area 10 miles
northwest of Danang in South Vietnam. 

1968 Legoland Billund opend in Billund, Denmark. It was the
original Legoland park. 

1981 Israeli F-16 fighter-bombers destroyed Iraq’s only nuclear
reactor. 

1983 The U.S. ordered Nicaragua to close all six of its consulates
and informed 21 Nicaraguan consular officials that they could no
longer remain in the U.S. 

1994 The United States District Court for the Eastern District of
Virginia declared the RMS Titanic, Inc. (RMST) salvor-in-possession
of the wreck and the wreck site of the RMS Titanic.

2000 U.S. Federal Judge Thomas Penfield Jackson ordered the breakup
of Microsoft Corporation. Microsoft said "NO!"

2018  smiled.





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Download from camera 
Wednesday, June 6, 2018, 08:16 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday,  June 6

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Illegal, who buried body of killed girlfriend,
may get deported again.
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, June 6 in
1944 The D-Day invasion of Europe took place on the beaches of
Normandy, France. 400,000 Allied Canadian, American, and British
troops were involved.

More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
Her virtue was that she said what she thought, 
her vice that what she thought didn't amount to much.
--- Peter Ustinov (1921 - 2004)

I say that good painters imitated nature; 
but that bad ones vomited it.
--- Miguel de Cervantes (1547 - 1616)

Dance like it hurts,
Love like you need money,
Work when people are watching.
--- Scott Adams (1957 - ),
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Nurse: "Doctor, Doctor the man you've just
treated collapsed on the front step what
should I do?"

Doctor: "Turn him around so it looks like
he was just arriving!"
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________




_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________

>Thanks to Wendy for this one:
One evening, after the honeymoon, Tom was working on his Harley
motorcycle in the garage.
His new wife was standing there by the bench watching him. After a
long period of silence she finally said, "Honey, I've just been
thinking, now that we are married, maybe it's time you quit
spending so much of your time out here in your garage. You probably
should also consider selling your Harley and all your welding
equipment along with your gun collection, and your fishing gear,
and the boat and lose all those stupid model airplanes, plus dump
that vintage hot rod sports car, and your home brewing
equipment..."

Tom got a horrified look on his face.

She said, "Darling, what's wrong?"

He replied, "There for a minute, you were starting to sound like my
ex-wife."

"Ex-wife!?" she screamed, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED
BEFORE!"

Tom replied, “I wasn't.."
------------------
Right On!
She needs to be EXed. 
NOW!
Hopefully she will learn, 
that one man in the garage is worth more 
than a dozen in the pub downtown or on the couch.
____________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Alberto Ebavardo Gutierrez-Reyes,
26,
Rochester,
New York

Illegal, who buried body of killed girlfriend,
may get deported again.

A farm worker who authorities said admits to burying the body of
his girlfriend   but not killing her   was charged Friday with
having counterfeit citizenship documents and re-entering the
country after twice being deported.

The U.S. Attorney's Office announced the criminal complaint against
Everardo Donoteo-Reyes of Mexico as crews used heavy equipment in
their ongoing search for his girlfriend's missing toddler at an
upstate New York farm.

Selena Hidalgo-Calderon and 14-month-old Owen Hidalgo-Calderon were
last seen alive on May 16. The mother's body was found May 23 on
the farm in Sodus where she and Donoteo-Reyes worked. Law
enforcement and volunteers have been searching for the boy ever
since.

Donoteo-Reyes, also known as Alberto Ebarado Gutierrez-Reyes, was
arrested on an evidence-tampering charge May 24 after a hunter's
trail camera recorded him carrying a shovel in and out of the woods
where his girlfriend's body was found, the Wayne County sheriff
said.
A check of his fingerprints determined the 26-year-old was in the
country illegally. Investigators found that he had a counterfeit
alien registration card in the name of Alberto Gutierrez and a fake
Social Security card, U.S. Attorney James Kennedy Jr. said.

There was no immediate information on an attorney who could comment
on Donoteo-Reyes' behalf.

According to the criminal complaint, agents from U.S. Immigration
and Customs Enforcement arrested Donoteo-Reyes in Gretna,
Louisiana, in September 2016 and deported him in October. Five
months later, in March 2017, he was arrested again in Laredo,
Texas. He pleaded guilty to unlawfully entering the United States
and was sentenced to 15 days in confinement before being deported
again, the complaint said.

The new charges come a day after prosecutors and law enforcement
met with relatives of Owen Hidalgo-Calderon to update them on the
case, WHEC-TV reported.

The search area for the missing toddler has been expanded, but the
team has dwindled from hundreds to a few dozen.

Owen's grandmother hasn't given up hope that he is alive, according
to WHAM-TV. Estela Calderon said she wants to shower him with the
love that she is no longer able to give her daughter.

Donoteo-Reyes is scheduled to appear in federal court in Rochester
on Monday.



Tech Support Pits
From: From Vlad
RE: Download from camera

Dear Webby,
What is better, to download from a digital camera directly
to the computer, or taking the memory chip out and
reading it in a chip reader ?
Vlad

Dear Vlad
Taking the memory chip out and reading it in a standard
chip reader is much better, and much faster too.

The added advantage is that the computer views the chip
reader as if it was just another hard drive, and at the same
or better speed as a hard drive. You can then work on
the pictures with any program.

Have FUN
DearWebby



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.


"I have to tell the truth," a young man said to his new 
girlfriend. 
"While we've been dating, I've been secretly seeing a
psychiatrist." 

"Don't worry about it," the girl told her boyfriend. 

"I've been secretly seeing a lawyer and a car salesman."



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




Thanks to Rosie for this story:
Although he had packed his bag for a business trip the night
before, my husband planned to come home from the office
before leaving. That afternoon he called to say the meeting
had been canceled and on the spur of the moment we decided
to spend a romantic, child-free night in a hotel.

I quickly repacked his suitcase, replacing his belongings
with two wine glasses, candlesticks and candles and some
bubble bath. Then I dashed out to buy a bottle of wine.
When I returned, the bag was gone. A note on the kitchen
table read: "Sorry, hon, the business trip's on after all.
I'll call you when I get there."
____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Dividing Up Your Ground Beef
I cook up 10 pounds of ground beef at a time and then I
divide it up into one pound packages (our family's size)
and just freeze it. Then when I get home from work, all
the hard work is done. I can make tacos, casseroles or
whatever quickly by reaching into the freezer.
 By Valerie

Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com

____________________________________________________



The devils corkscrews.
___________________________________________________

A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time and she shows
him into the living room. She excuses herself to go fix them
a couple drinks. As he's standing there he notices a cute
little vase on the mantel.

He picks it up and as he's looking at it, she walks back in.
He says, "What's this?"

She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there."

He turns beat red and says, "Gee, oh...I'm sorry...I..."

She continues, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to
get an ashtray."
___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________
  Money isnt everything
It can buy a bed - but not sleep
It can buy a clock - but not time
It can buy you a book - but not knowledge
It can buy you a position - but not respect
It can buy you medicine - but not health
It can buy you blood - but not life
It can buy you sex - but not love

So you see, money isn't everything, and it often causes
pain and suffering. I tell you all this because I am your friend,
and as your friend I want to take away your pain and suffering.
So send me all your money and I will suffer for you.

And if anybody does, I'll eat a broom!

I already got the broom!
____________________________________________________



Today, June 6 in
1674 Sivaji crowned himself King of India. 

1813 The U.S. invasion of Canada was halted at Stony Creek,
Ontario. 

1833 Andrew Jackson became the first U.S. president to ride in a
train. It was a B&O passenger train. 

1882 The first electric iron was patented by H.W. Seely. 

1904 The National Tuberculosis Association was formed in Atlantic
City, NJ. 

1924 The German Reichtag accepted the Dawes Plan. It was an
American plan to help Germany pay off its war debts. 

1925 Chrysler Corporation was founded by Walter Percy Chrysler. 

1932 In the U.S., the first federal tax on gasoline went into
effect. It was a penny per gallon. 

1933 In Camden, NJ, the first drive-in movie theater opened. 

1936 The first helicopter was tested in a building in Berlin,
Germany. 

1941 The U.S. government authorized the seizure of foreign ships in
U.S. ports. 

1942 The first nylon parachute jump was made by Adeline Gray in
Hartford, CT. 

1942 Japanese forces retreated in the World War II Battle of
Midway. The battle had begun on June 4. 

1944 The D-Day invasion of Europe took place on the beaches of
Normandy, France. 400,000 Allied Canadian, American, and British
troops were involved. 

1968 U.S. Senator Robert F. Kennedy died at 1:44am in Los Angeles
after being shot by Sirhan Sirhan. Kennedy was was shot the evening
before while campaigning for the Democratic presidential
nomination. 

1982 Israel invaded southern Lebanon in an effort to drive PLO
guerrillas out of Beirut. 

1985 The body of Nazi war criminal Dr. Josef Mengele was located
and exhumed near Sao Paolo, Brazil. Mengele was known as the "Angel
of Death." 

1985 The U.S. Senate authorized nonmilitary aid to the Contras. The
vote authorized $38 million over two years. 

1993 Mongolia held its first direct presidential elections. 

2005 The United States Supreme Court ruled that federal authorities
could prosecute sick people who smoke marijuana on doctor's orders.
The ruling concluded that state medical marijuana laws did not
protect users from the federal ban on the drug.

2018  smiled.




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Camera memory chips 
Tuesday, June 5, 2018, 11:07 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday,  June 5

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:


Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, June 5 in
1924 Ernst F. W. Alexanderson transmitted the first 
facsimile message across the Atlantic Ocean. 

More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
The Army has carried the American ideal to its logical conclusion.
Not only do they prohibit discrimination on the grounds of race,
creed and color, but also on ability.
--- Tom Lehrer (1928 - )

Men who never get carried away should be.
--- Malcolm Forbes (1919 - 1990)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Two friends meet in the street. The one lad looked
forlorn and almost on the verge of tears. The other man
asked, "Hey, how come you look like the whole world
caved in?"

The sad fellow said, "Let me tell you. Three weeks ago,
an uncle died and left me forty thousand dollars."

"That's not bad."

"Hold on, I'm just getting started. Two weeks ago, a
cousin I never knew kicked the bucket and left me
eighty-five thousand free and clear."

"I'd like that."

"Yep. But, last week my grandfather passed away. I
inherited almost a quarter of a million."

"The how come you look so glum?"

"And this week - nothing!"
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________



Where is my driver?
_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________

Helping his wife wash the dishes, a minister protested,
"This isn't a man s job."

Oh yes, it is, his wife retorted, quoting 2 Kings 21:13:

"I will wipe Jerusalem as a man wipeth a dish,
wiping it, and turning it upside down."

------------------------
By the way, did you know that the Bible states that
brewing coffe is the man's job?

On quite a few pages it says it right at the top:
He brews
____________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Michael Sanchez, 37,
Sapulpa Tulsa County,
Oklahoma

DUI Arrest Leads To Arson At 
Sapulpa Police Department

A man arrested for DUI ended up with an arson complaint added on
while he was being booked.
Sapulpa police say that, shortly after 1:00 a.m., an officer pulled
a man over after seeing a pickup fail to stop at a stop sign at
South 49th West Ave. and the westbound Interstate 44 exit ramp.

The officer says the driver, 37-year-old Michael Sanchez, was
slurring his speech and had blood shot, watery eyes.  The officer
says he could also smell alcohol.

Sanchez was given a field sobriety test, which he failed, and was
placed under arrest.

Police say that, while Sanchez was in the booking area at the
Sapulpa Police Department, he lit his booking paperwork on fire.

Officers say that this is the first time Sanchez has been arrested
for DUI or arson.



Tech Support Pits
From: Sharon
Re: Camera memory chips

Dear Webby,
Dear Webby;
I have another question for someone I consider to be an expert.
I am taking pics w/ a digital camera & have a memory card.
I usually take 15-20 pics a month at our church gospel sing.
Then I take them from the camera & resize to about 480 px.
and put them in a folder in my documents before emailimg
them on to others. Then I take these pics & put them on a
disk to be sure I don't lose them.
After I have done this I am in the habit of deleting them from
the memory card. Is there any amount of time this card can
be used over & over before it will need to be replaced? I
don't like keeping them on the card because it gets too
confusing.
I have even saved some of your dad's cactus pics.
Thanks ever so much for your time & patience.
Sharon §

Dear Sharon
I have heard of camera chips that were stepped on, vacuumed
up, eaten by toddlers or pets, but never of one that stopped
accepting data. At a rate of 20 pictures per month, you can
probably copy pictures on and delete them from that chip for
about 3000 years, maybe more.

Camera chips don't seem to go bad, just replaced.
When you go buy paper and get a 16 GB camera chip free if you
buy a whole case of paper, you will probably go for it, -
and retire your 500 MB chip.
And by the time you need more paper, they will probably give
away 64 GB chips.

So, don't panic yet.
Have FUN
DearWebby



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.

A pleasingly plump Lucy consulted her doctor for advice. The
doctor advised that she run ten miles a day for thirty days.
This, he promised, would help her lose as many as twenty
pounds.

Lucy followed the doctor's advice, and, after thirty days,
she was pleased to find that she had indeed lost the pesky
twenty pounds. She phoned the doctor and thanked him for
the wonderful advice which produced such effective results.

At the end of the conversation, however, she asked one last
question: "Are you going to come pick me up, or do I have to
run home 300 Miles?"



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!



A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After
his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.

He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress
disorder.  If you don't do the following, your husband will
surely die. Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast.  Be
pleasant at all times.  For lunch make him a nutritious meal.
For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him.  Don't
burden him with chores or discuss your problems with him - it
will only make his stress worse.  No nagging.  And most impor-
tantly, you have to increase your frequency of intimacy.  If
you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your
husband will regain his health completely."

On the way home, the husband asked his wife.  "What did the
doctor say?"

"He said you're going to die," she replied.

____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Buying Clothing Off Season
When buying new clothing, I purchase my winter clothes and
shoes in the summer and my summer clothes in the winter.
For used clothing, yard sales and church rummage sales are
great places to find nice clothing. 
By Janice

Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com

____________________________________________________



Capturing in photos the beauty of Italy's abandoned villas.
___________________________________________________

When I was a kid, my dad told a joke at dinner.
Seems some kid came home and told his dad that the teacher 
had told them that they all decended from the apes.
So that kid's father blew up and yelled: "YOU might have 
descended from an ape, but I did not!"

I was about 4 or 5 years old and laughed myself off my chair.
___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

Both sides of our family turned out for my wife's college   
graduation. After the dean finished awarding all the   
diploma's, he requested, "Will all the 'cum laudes' please   
stand up?"   

My mother-in-law leaned over and whispered, "Wow! The Cum   
Laude family sure has a lot of kids!"   

____________________________________________________



Today, June 5 in
1595 Henry IV's army defeated the Spanish at the Battle of
Fontaine-Francaise. 

1752 Benjamin Franklin flew a kite for the first time to
demonstrate that lightning was a form of electricity. 

1794 The U.S. Congress prohibited citizens from serving in any
foreign armed forces. 

1827 Athens fell to the Ottomans. 

1851 Harriet Beecher Stow published the first installment of "Uncle
Tom's Cabin" in "The National Era." 

1865 The first safe deposit vault was opened in New York. The
charge was $1.50 a year for every $1,000 that was stored. 

1884 U.S. Civil War General William T. Sherman refused the
Republican presidential nomination, saying, "I will not accept if
nominated and will not serve if elected." 

1917 American men began registering for the World War I draft. 

1924 Ernst F. W. Alexanderson transmitted the first facsimile
message across the Atlantic Ocean. 

1933 President Roosevelt signed the bill that took the U.S. off of
the gold standard. 

1940 During World War II, the Battle of France began when Germany
began an offensive in Southern France. 

1942 In France, Pierre Laval congratulated French volunteers that
were fighting in the U.S.S.R. with Germans. 

1944 The first B-29 bombing raid hit the Japanese rail line in
Bangkok, Thailand. 

1946 The first medical sponges were first offered for sale in
Detroit, MI. 

1947 U.S. Secretary of State George C. Marshall gave a speech at
Harvard University in which he outlined the Marshall Plan. 

1956 Premier Nikita Khrushchev denounced Josef Stalin to the Soviet
Communist Party Congress. 

1967 The National Hockey League (NHL) awarded three new franchises.
The Minnesota North Stars (later the Dallas Stars), the California
Golden Seals (no longer in existence) and the Los Angeles Kings. 

1967 The Six Day War between Israel and Egypt, Syria and Jordan
began. 

1975 Egypt reopened the Suez Canal to international shipping, eight
years after it was closed because of the 1967 war with Israel. 

1981 In the U.S., the Center for Disease Control and Prevention
reported that five men in Los Angeles were suffering from a rare
pneumonia found in patients with weakened immune systems. They were
the first recognized cases of what later became known as AIDS. 

1986 A federal jury in Baltimore convicted Ronald W. Pelton of
selling secrets to the Soviet Union. Pelton was sentenced to three
life prison terms plus 10 years. 

1987 Ted Koppel and guests discussed the topic of AIDS for four
hours on ABC-TV’s "Nightline". 

1998 A strike began at a General Motors Corp. parts factory near
Detroit, MI, that closed five assembly plants and idled workers
across the U.S. for seven weeks. 

1998 Volkswagen AG won approval to buy Rolls-Royce Motor Cars for
$700 million, outbidding BMW's $554 million offer. 

2001 Amazon.com announced that it would begin selling personal
computers later in the year. 

2018  smiled.





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Restoring trashed mail 
Monday, June 4, 2018, 09:48 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, !
Today is Monday,  June 4

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Lingerie purchases lead to Apple employee's 
prison term in $243 K embezzlement case
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, June 4 in
1783 A hot-air balloon was demonstrated by Joseph and Jacques
Montgolfier. It reached a height of 1,500 feet. They used a coal
stove to produce the necessary heat.

More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop.
--- P. J. O'Rourke (1947 - )

Resist everything but temptation.
--- Mae West
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Want to get somebody to throw something at you?

What do Alexander the Great and Kermit the Frog have in
common?

Their middle name.

_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________




_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________

While driving through Buffalo after a heavy post-season
Global Warming snow storm, a motorist noted a cop,
apparently waist deep in snow, directing traffic.

Feeling sorry for him, the motorist called out "I'm sorry you
have to work half buried in the snow."

The cop called back "Don't feel sorry for me, feel sorry for
my Harley!"

____________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Toni Ann Branca, 42,
 Livingston, N.J.


Lingerie purchases lead to Apple employee's 
prison term in $243 K embezzlement case

Toni Ann Branca, 42, was sentenced to three years in prison for
using an Apple company credit card for personal spending.

Authorities in New Jersey said Toni Ann Branca, 42, was sentenced
Friday to three years in a state prison. She had pleaded guilty in
January to a second-degree theft by deception charge, Law360
reported.

The former administrative assistant for Apple used a company credit
card to make purchases at the lingerie retailer and at Gucci and
Louis Vuitton shops, authorities said.

But it was the Victoria’s Secret purchases that Apple discovered
first, leading to her undoing, NJ.com reported.

Branca, of Livingston, N.J., worked mostly from home, handling
scheduling and travel arrangements for other Apple employees, the
report said, and she was issued an American Express card for making
purchases related to her job.

Investigators found that she submitted duplicate requests for
reimbursement, to be paid straight to her bank account, and used
the duplicate payments for her personal spending.

A review found that Branca racked up $110,000 in retail spending,
the Philadelphia Voice reported, and paid back $95,000 prior to her
sentencing.

“Branca went on a lavish shopping spree at the expense of her
employer, but ultimately she bought herself a state prison term,"
said Veronica Allende, director of the New Jersey Division of
Criminal Justice. 



Tech Support Pits
From: Betty
Re: Restoring accidentally trashed mail

Dear Webby,
I have Mailwasher and have tried to restore some email
recently for the first time and cannot get it to restore. Can
you help me. I get the message that the restored mail is
being sent to *******@sbcglobal.net. Then I get an error
message that the connection to the in coming server was
reset, check the Internet connection, which I did and it
seemed ok to me. What do I need to do to correct the
problem.
Thank you,
Betty

Dear Betty
In MailWasher hit Tools
Accounts
Properties
Bouncing and outgoing mail
In there set the SMTP Server Name to the same as the SMTP
Server Name in your mail program.
Then mailWasher can send the downloaded portion of the
restored mail to you. If you set the download to the minimum
(200 lines), then that is all that you will get. However, that is
usually enough to write to the sender and ask for a re-send, 
IF the mail is important enough.
Have FUN
DearWebby



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.

After waiting more than an hour and a half for her date, the young
lady decided she had been stood up. She changed from her
dinner dress into pajamas and slippers, fixed some popcorn and
resigned herself to an evening of TV.

No sooner had she flopped down in front of the TV than her
door bell rang. There stood her date.  He took one look at her and
gasped, "I'm two hours late--and you're still not ready?"



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!



Two Irish farmers bought a truckload of watermelons, paying
one dollar apiece for them.

Then they drove to the market and sold all their melons for the
SAME price ($1) they'd paid for them.

After counting their money at the end of the day, they realize
they'd ended up with no more money than they'd started with.

"See!" said one. "I told you we shoulda rented a bigger truck."
____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Dishwasher Energy Savings 
Run your dishwasher only when it is full and use energy
saver settings (no heat for drying). If you have an old
dishwasher, turn it off before the dry cycle. Open up the
door and let the dishes air dry. It will save a lot on
electricity.

Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com

____________________________________________________



Top 10 inventions that changed the world.
___________________________________________________

Thanks to Cookie for this story:
An authority on African animals was giving a lecture.
When he finished, he asked for questions.
One man stood up and asked,
"Is it true that the wild animals in Africa won't bother you
if you carry a lighted torch?"

The speaker replied, "That depends on how fast you carry it."
___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

An elderly woman from Brooklyn decided to prepare her will.
She told her rabbi she had two final requests.
First, she wanted to be cremated, and second,
she wanted her ashes scattered over Walmart.

"Walmart!" The rabbi exclaimed, "Why Walmart?"

"Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."
____________________________________________________



Today, June 4 in
1615 The fortress of Osaka, Japan, fell to Shogun Ieyasu after a
six month siege. 

1647 The British army seized King Charles I and held him as a
hostage. 

1674 Horse racing was prohibited in Massachusetts. 

1783 A hot-air balloon was demonstrated by Joseph and Jacques
Montgolfier. It reached a height of 1,500 feet. They used a coal
stove to produce the necessary heat.

1784 Marie Thible became the first woman to fly in a hot-air
balloon. The flight was 45 minutes long and reached a height of
8,500 feet. 

1792 Captain George Vancouver claimed Puget Sound for Britain. 

1794 British troops captured Port-au-Prince, Haiti. 

1805 Tripoli was forced to conclude peace with U.S. after conflicts
over tribute. 

1812 The Louisiana Territory had its name changed to the Missouri
Territory. 

1816 The Washington was launched at Wheeling, WV. It was the first
stately, double-decker steamboat. 

1878 Turkey turned Cyprus over to Britain. 

1892 The Sierra Club was incorporated in San Francisco. 

1896 Henry Ford made a successful test drive of his new car in
Detroit, MI. He called the vehicle called a "Quadricycle." 

1911 Gold was discovered in Alaska's Indian Creek. 

1918 French and American troops halted Germany's offensive at
Chateau-Thierry, France. 

1919 The U.S. Senate passed the Women's Suffrage bill. 

1924 An eternal light was dedicated at Madison Square in New York
City in memory of all New York soldiers who died in World War I. 

1931 The first rocket-glider flight was made by William Swan in
Atlantic City, NJ. 

1935 "Invisible" glass was patented by Gerald Brown and Edward
Pollard. 

1939 The first shopping cart was introduced by Sylvan Goldman in
Oklahoma City, OK. It was actually a folding chair that had been
mounted on wheels. 

1940 The British completed the evacuation of 300,000 troops at
Dunkirk, France, after a failed invasion attempt.

1942 The Battle of Midway began. It was the first major victory for
America over Japan during World War II. The battle ended on June 6
and ended Japanese expansion in the Pacific. 

1943 In Argentina, Juan Peron took part in the military coup that
overthrew Ramon S. Castillo. 

1944 The U-505 became the first enemy submarine captured by the
U.S. Navy. 

1944 During World War II, the U.S. Fifth Army entered Rome, which
began the liberation of the Italian capital. 

1946 Juan Peron was installed as Argentina's president. 

1947 The House of Representatives approved the Taft-Hartley Act.
The legislation allowed the President of the United States to
intervene in labor disputes. 

1954 French Premier Joseph Laniel and Vietnamese Premier Buu Loc
initialed treaties in Paris giving "complete independence" to
Vietnam. 

1960 The Taiwan island of Quemoy was hit by 500 artillery shells
fired from the coast of Communist China. 

1974 The Cleveland Indians had "Ten Cent Beer Night". Due to the
drunken and unruly fans the Indians forfeited to the Texas Rangers.


1974 Sally Murphy became the first woman to qualify as an aviator
with the U.S. Army. 

1985 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld a lower court ruling striking
down an Alabama law that provided for a daily minute of silence in
public schools. 

1986 Jonathan Jay Pollard, a former Navy intelligence analyst, pled
guilty in Washington to spying for Israel. He was sentenced to life
in prison. 

1986 The California Supreme Court approved a law that limited the
liability of manufacturers and other wealthy defendants. It was
known as the "deep pockets law." 

1989 In Beijing, Chinese army troops stormed Tiananmen Square to
crush the pro-democracy movement. It is believed that hundreds,
possibly thousands, of demonstrators were killed. 

2003 The U.S. House of Representatives passed a bill that would ban
"partial birth" abortions with a 282-139 vote. 

2003 Amazon.com announced that it had received more than 1 million
orders for the book "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix."
The released date was planned for June 21. 

2008 The United Kingdom and Canada became the first countries to be
able to buy and rent films at the iTunes Store.

2018  smiled.





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Soft focus 
Sunday, June 3, 2018, 09:10 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday,  June 3

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Creep With His Phaser Set To Stun 
Tells Police He Is James Tiberius Kirk
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, June 3 in
1965 Edward White became the first American astronaut to do a
"space walk" when he left the Gemini 4 capsule. 

More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
The reason why worry kills more people than work is that
more people worry than work.
--- Robert Frost

Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in
its own way.
---Leo Tolstoy (1828 - 1910)

A little learning is a dangerous thing but a lot of ignorance is
just as bad.
--- Bob Edwards 
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

"How does Keli like being pregnant?" Sam asked his
friend Greg.

"Oh, she's not pregnant," Greg replied, "she's expecting."

"What's the difference?" Sam pressed.

"Well, Greg explained, "She's expecting me to cook dinner,
she's expecting me to do the housework, she's expecting
me to rub her feet . . ."
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________




_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________

A friend was complaining that her boyfriend would not say. "I
love you," even if explicitly asked to do so. The only
exception, she said, was when they were in fact in the act of
making love.

Then, if asked, he would say the sacred words. I suggested
that she should not take too much comfort in the exception.
When making love, I explained, men will say anything.  "He'd
tell you he's the Easter Bunny if that's what he thinks you
want to hear," I told her.

The conversation rattled on from there. A couple of weeks
later, she related the following. "We were in bed, making
love. I said, 'Tell me you love me.'"

He replied, 'I love you.' I said, 'Tell me you're the Easter
Bunny.'

He stopped for a second, and announced, 'I'm the Easter
Bunny.'

So I slapped him. "The poor guy probably still doesn't know
what happened!"
____________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by


James Roger Bundrick, 56,
Clearwater,
Florida

Creep With His Phaser Set To Stun 
Tells Police He Is James Tiberius Kirk

A man arrested Monday for masturbating at a bus stop identified
himself as James Tiberius Kirk upon his arrest by Florida police,
according to court records.

The perp claiming to be Captain Kirk was spotted around 11:20 AM
vigorously “stroking his penis that was under his shorts,” reported
a Clearwater patrolman. The action “corrupted the public morals and
sense of public decency,” alleged investigators.

After the defendant stroked himself for more than two minutes, a
cop asked what he was doing. “The defendant stated, ‘I’m scratching
myself.’”

Upon being arrested for disorderly conduct, the man said that he
carried no ID, but gave his name as that of the commander of the
starship USS Enterprise. Cops actually did a “wants/warrant check”
on the Kirk name, which came back with negative results.

Police subsequently used a facial recognition program to determine
that “Kirk” was actually James Roger Bundrick, 56. In addition to
the disorderly conduct rap, Bundrick was charged with a second
misdemeanor, providing a false name to law enforcement. He is being
held in the Pinellas County jail in lieu of $400 bond.

Pictured above, Bundrick is a convicted felon who was released from
state prison in August 2016 after serving nearly four years in
custody on multiple felony charges.



Tech Support Pits
From: Annie
Re: Soft focus for picture

Dear Webby,
How do I make a certain part of a picture sharply
focused and the rest slightly out of focus? I need to
highlight different parts of a machine to show what
the instructions at that paragraph are all about.
And I need some fsat and quick way of doing it,
not messing around for hours with masks and
tricky stuff. I use PSP.
Thanks
Annie

Dear Annie
Use the rounded rectangle selector or the lassoo in point to point
mode and select the part that you want sharp.
CTRL SHIFT I  or mouse to Selection, Invert 
Now you have everything except that part "selected".
SHIFT B brings up the Brightness / Contrast setting.

Increase brightness and reduce contrast.
That will lighten and soften the current selection
(which is inverted, the opposite of the original selection).

Have FUN
DearWebby




The preacher was having a heart-to-heart talk with a
backslider of his flock, whose drinking of moonshine
invariably led to quarreling with his neighbors, and occasional
shotgun blasts at some of them.

"Can't you see, Ben," intoned the parson, "that not one good
thing comes out of this drinking?"

"Well, I sort of disagree there," replied the backslider.  "It
makes me miss the folks I shoot at."



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.

The man walked over to the perfume counter and told
the clerk he'd like a bottle of Chanel No. 5 for
his wife's birthday.

"A little surprise, eh?" smiled the clerk.

"You bet," answered the customer.  "She's expecting a cruise."



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!



Mrs. O'Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in
Dublin, and coming in the opposite direction was Father
O'Rafferty.

"Hello," said the Father, "And hows Mrs. O'Donovan,
didn't I marry you two years ago?"

"You did that, Father."

"And are there any little ones yet?"

"No, not yet, Father."

"Well now, I'm going to Rome next week, and I'll light
a candle for you."

"Thank you, Father." And away she went.

A few years later they met again.

"Well now, Mrs. O'Donovan," said the Father, "how are
you?"

"Oh, so-so," said she.

"And tell me," he said, "have you any little ones yet?"

"Oh yes, Father. I've had three sets of twins, and four
singles--ten in all."

"Now isn't that wonderful," he said, "And how is your
lovely husband?"

"Oh," she said, "he's over in Rome to blow up that bloody
candle of yours!"
____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Emergency Gift Box 
Take nice but unwanted items that were received for the
holidays and put them in a box for emergency gifts. Also,
buy good gift items on sale or at garage sales. That way
you never have to run out and buy a gift at the last minute.
By Erin

Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com

____________________________________________________

Thanks to Dianne for this story:
Two mothers are having a conversation about their children
one day.

"How do you get your Marvin up so early on school mornings?"
asks Joan.

"Oh, that's easy," replies Marianne. "I just throw the cat
on his bed."

"Why does that wake him up?"

"He sleeps with the dog!"



They just don't make vacations like they used to.
___________________________________________________

Wendy was in the kitchen one day, trying to reach the
baking powder on the top shelf of a cabinet.  Being
only five feet tall, Wendy had to stretch, but still
couldn't grab the box.

Fortunately, her husband was six-feet-tall so she called
him to help.

"Hey, James!" Wendy yelled , who was in the living room.
"Will you get your tallness in here and get this for me?"

"Sure, Honey," James remarked as he bounded into the kitchen.
"But next time, I'd prefer the title 'Your Highness.'"
___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

My friend Don, a minor-league umpire, is used to being
heckled by fans.

But imagine his surprise when he was rushing to umpire an
exhibition game at Coors Field in Denver. After a long
search for a place to change clothes, Don finally located
a room with a neatly lettered sign: "Dressing Room, Umpires
Only."

As he was about to go in, however, he inspected the sign
more closely. Below the printed legend was the same
message... written in Braille.
____________________________________________________



Today, June 3 in
1098 Christian Crusaders of the First Crusade seized Antioch,
Turkey. 

1539 Hernando De Soto claimed Florida for Spain. 

1621 The Dutch West India Company received a charter for New
Netherlands (now known as New York). 

1800 John Adams moved to Washington, DC. He was the first President
to live in what later became the capital of the United States. 

1805 A peace treaty between the U.S. and Tripoli was completed in
the captain's cabin on board the USS Constitution. 

1851 The New York Knickerbockers became the first baseball team to
wear uniforms. 

1856 Cullen Whipple patented the screw machine. 

1918 The Finnish Parliament ratified its treaty with Germany. 

1923 In Italy, Benito Mussolini granted women the right to vote. 

1932 Lou Gehrig set a major league baseball record when he hit four
consecutive home runs. 

1937 The Duke of Windsor, who had abdicated the British throne,
married Wallis Warfield Simpson. 

1938 The German Reich voted to confiscate so-called "degenerate
art." 

1952 A rebellion by North Korean prisoners in the Koje prison camp
in South Korea was put down by American troops. 

1965 Edward White became the first American astronaut to do a
"space walk" when he left the Gemini 4 capsule. 

1970 Har Gobind Khorana and colleagues announced the first
synthesis of a gene from chemical components. 

1989 Chinese army troops positioned themselves to begin a sweep of
Beijing to crush student-led pro-democracy demonstrations in
Tiananmen Square. 

1999 Slobodan Milosevic's government accepted an international
peace plan concerning Kosovo. NATO announced that airstrikes would
continue until 40,000 Serb forces were withdrawn from Kosovo. 

2003 Sammy Sosa (Chicago Cubs) broke a bat when he grounded out
against the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. The bat he was using was a corked
bat. 

2003 Toys "R" Us, Inc. announced that it had signed a multi-year
agreement with Albertson to become the exclusive toy provider for
all of all of Albertson's food and drug stores.

2018  smiled.





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Why not Norton? 
Saturday, June 2, 2018, 11:06 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday,  June 2

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Crystal Methvin picked up with crystal meth, 
AGAIN
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, June 2 in
1774 The Quartering Act, which required American colonists to 
allow British soldiers into their houses, was reenacted. 

More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
In prosperity our friends know us; 
in adversity we know our friends.
--- John Churton Collins

"Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished
by being governed by those who are dumber."
--- Plato (427-347 B.C.)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________
The worried housewife sprang to the telephone when it
rang and listened with relief to the kindly voice in
her ear. "How are you, darling?" she said. "What kind
of a day are you having?"

"Oh, mother," said the housewife, breaking into bitter
tears, "I've had such a bad day. The baby won't eat and
the washing machine broke down. I haven't had a chance
to go shopping, and besides, I've just sprained my
ankle and I have to hobble around. On top of that, the
house is a mess and I'm supposed to have two couples to
dinner tonight."

The mother was shocked and was at once all sympathy.
"Oh, darling," she said, "sit down, relax, and close
your eyes. I'll be over in half an hour. I'll do your
shopping, clean up the house, and cook your dinner for
you. I'll feed the baby and I'll call a repairman I
know who'll be at your house to fix the washing machine
promptly. Now stop crying. I'll do everything. In fact,
I'll even call George at the office and tell him he
ought to come home and help out for once."

"George?" said the housewife. "Who's George?"

"Why, George! Your husband!....Is this 223-1374?

"No, this is 223-1375."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I have the wrong number."

There was a short pause and the housewife said,
"Does this mean you're not coming over?"

_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

From Leesa in Hot Springs


_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________

One of my co-workers got a speeding ticket and was attending a
defensive-driving course to have points erased from her license.
The instructor, a poice officer, emphasized that being on time
was crucial and that the classroom doors would be locked when
each session began.

Just after one class started, someone knocked on the locked door.
The officer opened it and asked, "Why are you late?"

The student replied, "I was trying not to get another ticket."

The officer let him in.

_____________________________________________________

Reported by Walter, 
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by


Crystal Methvin, 40,
Douglas Nickerson, 41,
St. Augustine
Florida

Crystal Methvin picked up with crystal meth, 
AGAIN

Yes, I gave her bonehead awards before.

According to the St. Johns County Sheriff’s Jail Log, Methvin has
been picked up on drug charges at least fourteen times since 1998.
It’s unclear how many of the other arrests involved crystal meth —
although they always involved Crystal Methvin.

Florida police arrested a woman named Crystal Methvin for
possession of crystal meth again Saturday morning.

St. Augustine police said they arrested Methvin, 40, and her
friend, Douglas Nickerson, 41, after getting an anonymous complaint
about an unlicensed driver.

Police arrested Douglas Nickerson on charges of possession and drug
equipment. (St. Johns County Sheriff’s Office)

Officers responded to the parking lot of one-story office complex
at 69 Dixie Highway and found Methvin, Nickerson and an
unidentified third person sitting in a vehicle.

Police say the three consented to a search, and officers arrested
Methvin and Nickerson after finding crystal meth and drug
paraphernalia.

Both were taken to St. Johns County Jail. Online records show
Methvin is being held on a $5,000 bond. She was charged with drug
possession.

Nickerson’s bond was set at $5,500. He faces charges of drug
possession and drug equipment.



Tech Support Pits
From: Carol
Re: Why not Norton?

Dear Webby,
Thank you for the prompt response.  What do you recommend
rather than  Norton, and why does it need a special removal
tool?  Thanks for the great job you are doing.
Carol

Dear Carol
Norton hides stuff in places where you can't easily remove
it without that special removal tool. It does not do a clean
un-install and in some cases has required formatting to
completely get rid of it. That's why experienced techs don't
recommend it.

Just use MalwareBytes and don't worry about it.

Have FUN
DearWebby




A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn't been
feeling well. The doctor examines him, leaves the room and
comes back with three different bottles of pills.

The doctor says, "Take the green pill with a big glass of
water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass
of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take
the red pill with another big glass of water."

Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers,
"Exactly what's my problem?"

Doctor says, "You're not drinking enough water."



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.

*TENDJEWBERRYMUD*
It's amazing; you will understand the above word by the end of the
conversation. Read aloud for best results. "Tendjewberrymud."
Be warned, you're going to find yourself talking "funny" for a
while
after reading this.
Room Service (RS): "Morny. Ruin sorbees"
Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service"
RS: "Rye..Ruin sorbees..morny! Djewish to odor sunteen??"

G: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs"

RS: "Ow July den?"

G: "What??"

RS: "Ow July den?...pry, boy, pooch?"

G : "Oh, the eggs!  How do I like them?  Sorry, scrambled please."

RS: "Ow July dee bayhcem...crease?"

G: "Crisp will be fine."

RS : "Hokay.  An San tos?"

G: "What?"

RS:"San tos. July San tos?"

G: "I don't think so"

RS: "No?  Judo one toes??"

G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what
'judo one toes' means."

RS: "Toes! toes!...why djew Don Juan toes?
Ow bow singlish mopping we bother?"

G: "English muffin! I've got it! You were saying '
Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine."

RS: "We bother?"

G: "No..just put the bother on the side."

RS: "Wad?"

G: "I mean butter...just put it on the side."

RS: "Copy?"

G: "Sorry?"

RS: "Copy...tea...mill?"

G: "Yes. Coffee please, and that's all."

RS: "One Minnie. As ruin torino fee, strangle ache,
crease baychem, tossy singlish mopping we bother
honey sigh, and copy....rye??"

G: "Whatever you say"

RS: "Tendjewberrymud"

G : "You're welcome"

-------------------
If you plan to overnight in Hongcouver (formerly Vancouver, BC)
then you better study Chinglish beforehand, so as to avoid
embrrassing mitt-eggs, ahem mistakes.



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




Thanks to Sandie for this classic:
A station in Tennessee was trying to make the high
cost of gas worth the price so the owner put up a sign saying,
"Free Sex with Fill-Up."

Soon a local redneck, Billy Ray pulled in, filled his tank,
and then asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a
number from 1 to 10.
If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex.

Billy Ray then guessed 8, and the proprietor said,
"You were close; the number was 7.
Sorry, no sex this time."

A week later, Billy Ray along with his buddy,
Bubba, pulled in for a fill-up.
Again he asked for his free sex.
The proprietor again gave him the same story,
and asked him to guess the correct number Billy Ray guessed
2 this time.

Again the proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 4.
You were close, but no free sex this time."

As they were driving away, Billy Ray said to his buddy, "I think
that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex."

Bubba replied, "No it ain't, Billy Ray. It ain't rigged,
my wife won twice last week."

____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Homemade Salsa Tip
I got this tip from a neighbor. Instead of cooking homemade
salsa on top of the stove where the tomatoes cook to a liquid,
I roast the mixture at 350 degrees for 4-5 hours, stirring
every hour. The tomatoes stay a little chunky and the sauce
tastes and looks just like store bought. 
By Marjorie

Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com

____________________________________________________

>From Rita
For the first few months of her co-op job for the state of
Georgia, my sister had nothing to do, so she surfed the Web
or did crossword puzzles. One day she expressed her boredom
to a co-worker.

"I know," she complained.  "Everyone thinks state workers
have it easy.  But there's only so much you can pretend
you're doing."



The Shirk Report.
___________________________________________________

A friend asked a gentleman why he never married?

Replied the gentleman, "Well, I guess I just never
met the right woman... I guess I've been looking for
the perfect girl."

"Oh, come on now," said the friend, "Surely you have
met at least one girl that you wanted to marry."

"Yes, there was a girl... once. I guess she was the
one perfect girl; the only perfect girl I really ever
met. She was just the right everything... I really
mean that she was the perfect girl for me."

"Well, why didn't you marry her," asked the friend.

"She was looking for the perfect man."

------------
That was my story too! Every time!

___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

A passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally it creaks to a
halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside.
"What's going on?" she yells out the window.

"Cow on the track!" replies the conductor.

Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace. Within five
minutes, however, it stops again.

The woman sees the same conductor walk by again.

She leans out the window and yells, "What happened?
Did we catch up with the cow again..?"

-----------------------------
I remember a train like that in Austria, when I was a
little kid. It had an awfully interesting steam engine that
leaked steam in all kinds of places that did not seem right
to me, but they wouldn't let me near it. They were probably
afraid I would start taking it apart. I had a bit of a reputation
for doing that.

Anyway, that narrow gauge train moved at a pretty good clip
on the steep downhill grades, but was very slow uphill. Each
of the little verandahs at each end of the rail cars they had
signs that the gwown-ups told me read: "Picking flowers
while the train is in motion is strictly prohibited!"

There were no signs against jumping off the train at the
front of a rail car and jumping on again at the back,
running to the front on the inside and doing it all over again.
Just no picking flowers while waiting for the rear of the
rail car to come along. But I had fun anyway, 
until they told me to sit down and shut up.
____________________________________________________



Today, June 2 in
1537 Pope Paul III banned the enslavement of Indians. 

1774 The Quartering Act, which required American colonists to allow
British soldiers into their houses, was reenacted. 

1793 Maximillian Robespierre initiated the "Reign of Terror". It
was an effort to purge those suspected of treason against the
French Republic. 

1818 The British army defeated the Maratha alliance in Bombay,
India. 

1835 P.T. Barnum launched his first traveling show. The main
attraction was Joice Heth. Heth was reputed to be the 161-year-old
nurse of George Washington. 

1851 Maine became the first U.S. state to enact a law prohibiting
alcohol. 

1883 The first baseball game under electric lights was played in
Fort Wayne, Indiana. 

1896 Guglieimo Marconi's radio telegraphy device was patented in
Great Britain. 

1897 Mark Twain, at age 61, was quoted by the New York Journal as
saying "the report of my death was an exaggeration." He was
responding to the rumors that he had died. 

1910 Charles Stewart Roll became the first person to fly non-stop
and double cross the English Channel. 

1924 All American Indians were granted U.S. citizenship by the U.S.
Congress. 

1928 Nationalist Chiang Kai-shek captured Peking, China. 

1930 Mrs. M. Niezes of Panama gave birth to the first baby to be
born on a ship while passing through the Panama Canal.

1946 Italians voted by referendum to form a republic instead of a
monarchy. 

1953 Elizabeth was crowned queen of England at Westminster Abbey. 

1954 U.S. Senator Joseph McCarthy charged that there were
communists working in the CIA and atomic weapons plants. 

1966 Surveyor 1, the U.S. space probe, landed on the moon and
started sending photographs back to Earth of the Moon's surface. It
was the first soft landing on the Moon. 

1969 Australian aircraft carrier Melbourne sliced the destroyer USS
Frank E. Evans in half off the shore of South Vietnam. 

1979 Pope John Paul II arrived in his native Poland on the first
visit by a pope to a Communist country. 

1985 The R.J. Reynolds Company proposed a major merger with Nabisco
that would create a $4.9 billion conglomerate. 

1995 Captain Scott F. O'Grady's U.S. Air Force F-16C was shot down
by Bosnian Serbs. He was rescued six days later. 

1998 Royal Caribbean Cruises agreed to pay $9 million to settle
charges of dumping waste at sea. 

1998 Voters in Mexifornia passed Proposition 227. The act abolished
the state's 30-year-old bilingual education program by requiring
that all children be taught in English. 

1999 In South Africa, the African National Congress (ANC) won a
major victory. ANC leader Thabo Mbeki was to succeed Nelson Mandela
as the nation's president. 

2003 In the U.S., federal regulators voted to allow companies to
buy more television stations and newspaper-broadcasting
combinations in the same city. The previous ownership restrictions
had not been altered since 1975. 

2003 In Seville, Spain, a chest containing the supposed remains of
Christopher Columbus were exhumed for DNA tests to determine
whether the bones were really those of the explorer. The tests were
aimed at determining if Colombus was currently buried in Spain's
Seville Cathedral or in Santo Domingo in the Dominican Republic. 

2003 William Baily was reunited with two paintings he had left on a
subway platform. One of the works was an original Picasso rendering
of two male figures and a recreation of Picasso's "Guernica" by
Sophie Matisse. Sophie Matisse was the great-granddaughter of Henri
Matisse.

2018  smiled.

 
 





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She can't send mail out via the neighbor's WiFi 
Friday, June 1, 2018, 08:18 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, !
Today is Friday,  June 1
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Hilarious part of the news: Broom Hilda wants to be elected CEO of
FaceBook. Putin apparently needs a hernia transplant after laughing
himself sick. Soros, Broom Hilda's sponsor, apparently asked what
she is smoking these days.

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Woman had to slip note to veterinary staff 
pleading for rescue from boyfriend
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, June 1 in
1774 The British government ordered the Port of Boston closed.

More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, 
unless I buy something.
--- Jackie Mason (1934 - )

Never have children, only grandchildren.
--- Gore Vidal (1925 - )
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

The minister gave his Sunday morning service, as usual, but this
particular Sunday, it was considerably longer than normal. 

Later, at the door, shaking hands with parishioners as they moved
out, one man said, "Your sermon, Pastor, was simply wonderful so
invigorating and inspiring and refreshing."

The minister of course, broke out in a big smile, only to hear the
man say, "I felt like a new man when my wife woke me up to go
home!"
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________




_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________

Thanks to Connie for these Marriage Quips:

Q: Is it all right to bring a date to the wedding?
A: Not if you are the groom.

Q: What music is recommended for the wedding ceremony?
A: Anything except 'Tied to the Whipping Post'.

Q: How can you tell the married men at a wedding reception?
A: They're the ones dancing with everyone but their wives.

Q: What is a wedding tragedy?
A: To marry a man for love, and then find out he has no money.

Q: What's long and hard and a Polish man gives it to his bride on
their wedding night?
A: A last name.

Q: How is marriage like a hot bath?
A: Once you get used to it, it's not so hot.

Q: If your wife and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose:
A: Would you go to lunch or to a movie?

Q: How do I make my wife stop buying all these gloves?
A: Buy her a diamond ring.

Q: What is the best way to annoy your wife/husband during sex?
A: Call her/him on the telephone.

_____________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Jeremy Floyd, 39
DeLand,
Florida

Woman slipped note to veterinary staff 
pleading for rescue from boyfriend

A woman who told authorities she had been beaten and threatened by
her boyfriend escaped from him after slipping a note to staff at a
Florida veterinary hospital, according to the Volusia County
Sheriff’s Office.

The note that Carolyn Reichle , 28, gave to a member of staff at a
veterinary office in DeLand on Friday read: “Call the cops. My
boyfriend is threatening me. He has a gun. Please don’t let him
know.”

Reichle had allegedly been held in her home for two days, beaten
and threatened by her boyfriend, Jeremy Floyd. She eventually
convinced him that her dog needed to go to the DeLand Animal
Hospital, according to a police report.

Floyd, 39, insisted on going with her and on the car ride over he
pointed a loaded gun at her and threaten to kill her and her
family, according to the report.

Staff at the animal hospital called police who arrested Floyd. He
was found to be carrying a loaded gun. Reichle was taken to an area
hospital and treated for a head injury, a black eye and bruised
arms.

Reichle told authorities her ordeal began Wednesday when Floyd
allegedly threatened her at gunpoint and physically prevented her
from leaving. She told police she tried to get the gun away from
him and during the struggle the weapon went off twice.

Police located two bullet holes in drywall inside the home.

Police have charged Floyd with domestic violence, aggravated
assault with a firearm, false imprisonment, possession of a firearm
by a convicted felon, possession of ammunition by a convicted felon
and simple battery.

He is being held without bail at the Volusia County Branch Jail. 



Tech Support Pits
From: Mary
Re: No mail going out via neighbor's wireless

Dear Webby,
I don't know whether it is the same problem, but MY mail
won't go out when I try to send it on my neighbor's wireless
connection.  My technician says it isbecause the wireless
system does not recognize my (landline) configuration.
However, I do not understand why I cannot get my bank's
website. (????)  I just figured that tomorrow I'll get onto
my sister's wireless connection with her computer.
(I AM ON VACATION.)
M

Dear Mary
You have to change the SMTP server name in your mail config
to show the SMTP server normally used by your neighbor's computer.
For example, if your neighbor connects to the net via earthlink,
then you would have to set the SMTP server name to
smtp.earthlink.net.

Your bank probably uses a similar verification scheme.

Have FUN
DearWebby




Are you a Democrat, Republican or Southern Republican?
Here is a little test that will help you decide.
The answer can be found by posing the following question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and
two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a
huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you,
screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and
charges at you.  You are carrying a Glock Cal 40, and you
are an expert shot.  You have mere seconds before he
reaches you and your family.

What do you do?

1)  Democrat's Answer:
Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
Does the man look poor! Or oppressed?
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to
attack?
Could we run away?
What does my wife think?
What about the kids?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the
knife out of his hand?
What does the law say about this situation?
Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of
message does this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content
just to wound me?
Should I call 9-1-1?
Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes,
have a paint and weed day and make this a happier,
healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
This is all so confusing!
I need to debate this with some friends for few weeks
and try to come to a consensus and AAARGH!

2)  Republican's Answer:
BANG!

3)Southern Republican's Answer:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click
...(sounds of reloading)
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click

Daughter: Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those my Winchester
Silver Tips or Mom's Hollow Points?

Son: Git-R-Dun Pop!  Can I do the next one?

Wife: You ain't taking THAT to the taxidermist!



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.

The patient demanded, "Doc, I just must have a liver
transplant, a kidney transplant, a cornea transplant,
a lung transplant, and a heart transplant."

"WHAT?" yelled the doctor. "Tell me, exactly why you
think you need all these transplants."

"Well," explained the patient, "my boss told me that
I needed to get reorganized."



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




The aging process could be slowed down if it had to
work its way through Congress.

A curious fellow died one day and found himself waiting
in a long, long line for judgment. As he stood there, he
noticed that some souls were allowed to march right
through the Gates of Heaven; others, though, were led
over to Satan, who threw them into a burning pit of
fire.

Every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the
fire, Satan would toss him (or her) to one side. After
watching Satan do this several times, the fellow's
curiosity got the better of him and he strolled over
and tapped Satan on the shoulder.

"Excuse me, there, Prince of Darkness," he said. "I'm
waiting in line for judgment, but I couldn't help
wondering why you are tossing those people aside
instead of flinging them into the fires of hell with
the others?"

"Ah", Satan said with a grin. "They are people from
Seattle; they're still too wet to burn!"

____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Fighting Mildew with Bleach
This is to follow up on the tip from Thrifty fun to fight
mildew. A safer and better alternative than bleach is
BORAX (chemical name: Sodium perborate). It can be
purchased in laundry aisle of most supermarkets. The
common brand is "20 Mule Team borax"  Just mix the powder
with water, it forms a suspension, then use that with a wet
cloth. You can use a spray bottle but occasionally the
spray nozzle might get clogged.
But borax (imo) is safer to use than bleach and I used it
last year to good effect.
Nari

Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com

____________________________________________________

*Seen Signs*
These signs might not communicate what was hoped for.

On a California freeway:
Fine for Littering

On the wall of a British Columbia cleaning service:
Able to Do the Worst Possible Job

In a New York jewellery store:
Genuine Fauz Pearls

In a Kansas City oculist's office:
Broken lenses duplicated here

In a Boston fast-food parking lot:
Parking for Drive-Through Customers Only

Billboard on Florida highway:
If You Can't Read, We Can Help

On the Triborough Bridge in New York:
In Event of Air Attack Drive Off Bridge

On a Lockhart, Texas, gas station and minimart:
We're out of Rolaids, but we've got gas.

At the basketball court in a Gastonton, North Carolina, YMCA:
Anyone caught hanging from the rim will be suspended

On a Rapid City store:
Give That Bride a Good Case of Worms or Other Fine Bait

On the door of an Ellsworth, Maine, restaurant:
The Indian Trading Post will be closed for Yom Kippur

In a Grand Rapids restaurant:
Half baked chicken

In a Dayton barbershop:
During vacation of owner, a competent hair stylist will be here

On a Jacksonville, Florida, bookstore:
Rare, out-of-print, and nonexistent books

Near Tucson, Arizona:
Warning DIP. Do not enter during rain.

Hotel catering to skiers, Northern Italy:
Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose
in the boots of ascension.

Car rental brochure, Tokyo:
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn.
trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles
your passage then tootle him with vigor.



The Athabasca sand dunes 
___________________________________________________

A plumber was called to a woman's apartment in New York to
repair a leaking pipe.  When he arrived he was pleased to
discover that the woman was quite a luscious, well-stacked
babe, and during the course of the afternoon the two became
extremely friendly.

About 5.30 p.m. the phone rang, disturbing the bedroom
shenanigans. "That was my husband," she said, "He's on
his way home, but he's going back to the office around 8.
Come back then, dear, and we can take up where we left off."

The union plumber looked at the woman in disbelief.
"What? On my own time??"
___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

Groan Alert:
Ben Kenobi and Luke Flyswatter are having a Chinese
supper. Ben picks up the chopsticks and starts eating.

Luke is having problems, there is food over his face,
his clothes, and the table, but not much in his mouth.

"What should I do?" he asks Ben.

"Use the forks, Luke!"
____________________________________________________



Today, June 1 in
1533 Anne Boleyn, Henry VIII’s new queen, was crowned. 

1774 The British government ordered the Port of Boston closed.

1861 The first skirmish of the U.S. Civil War took place at the
Fairfax Court House, Virginia. 

1869 Thomas Edison received a patent for his electric voting
machine. It was never used.

1877 U.S. troops were authorized to pursue bandits into Mexico. 

1892 The General Electric Company (GE) began operations after the
merging of the Edison General Electric and the Thomson-Houston
Electric companies. 

1896 In Paris, France, the first recorded automobile theft
occurred. The Peugeot of Baron de Zuylen de Nyevelt was stolen by
his mechanic. 

1915 Germany conducted the first zeppelin air raid over England. 

1916 The National Defense Act increased the strength of the U.S.
National Guard by 450,000 men. 

1921 A race riot erupted in Tulsa, Oklahoma. 85 people were killed.


1935 The Ingersoll-Waterbury Company reported that it had produced
2.5 million Mickey Mouse watches during its 2-year association with
Disney. 

1938 Baseball helmets were worn for the first time. 

1939 The Douglas DC-4 made its first passenger flight from Chicago
to New York. 

1941 The German Army completed the capture of Crete as the Allied
evacuation ended. 

1942 The U.S. began sending Lend-Lease materials to the Soviet
Union. 

1943 During World War II, Germans shot down a civilian flight from
Lisbon to London. 

1944 The French resistance was warned by a coded message from the
British that the D-Day invasion was imminent. 

1944 Siesta was abolished by the government of Mexico. 

1954 In the Peanuts comic strip, Linus' security blanket made its
debut. 

1958 Charles de Gaulle became the premier of France. 

1958 IBM ended its design of machines that contained electronic
tubes. 

1961 Radio listeners in New York, California, and Illinois were
introduced to FM multiplex stereo broadcasting. A year later the
FCC made this a standard. 

1963 Governor George Wallace vowed to defy an injunction that
ordered the integration of the University of Alabama. 

1970 Zimbabwe came into existence. It was formerly known as
Rhodesia. 

1972 In Iraq, The Ba'athist government nationalized the western-
owned Iraq Petroleum Company and turned operations over to the Iraq
National Oil Company. 

1977 The Soviet Union formally charged Jewish human rights activist
Anatoly Shcharansky with treason. He was imprisoned until 1986. 

1978 The U.S. reported the finding of wiretaps in the American
embassy in Moscow. 

1979 In the U.S., the government-controlled ceiling on oil prices
ends. The control was phased out over 28 months. 

1980 Cable News Network (CNN) made its debut as the first all-news
station. 

1995 At Disneyland Paris, the attraction "Space Mountain: From The
Earth to the Moon" opened. 

1998 In the U.S., the FDA approved a urine-only test for the AIDS
virus. 

1998 A $124 million suit was brought against Goodyear Tire & Rubber
that alleged discrimination towards black workers. 

1999 Merrill Lynch chairman David Komansky announced that the firm
would soon allow its customers to buy and sell stocks over the
Internet. 

2008 The Phoenix Mars Lander became the first NASA spacecraft to
scoop Martian soil. 

2009 General Motors filed for Chapter 11 Bankruptcy. The filing
made GM the largest U.S. industrial company to enter bankruptcy
protection. 

2018  smiled.

 
 






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Separate licenses for Windows 
Thursday, May 31, 2018, 11:25 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, May 31

If you have not seen Barb's Bonus link, go back to the
Wednesday issue and look it up.
The site shows lots of new pictures of desert wild flowers!
For me it was just like being there on the 25 or so cactus safaris,
running around the deserts and mountains taking pictures of
blooming cacti, but just barely smiling at the wild flowers.

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Mother arrested after running over 
7 mo old daughter and boyfriend, 
killing daughter
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, May 31 in
1977 The trans-Alaska oil pipeline was finished after 3 years of
construction. It still works. Bears still walk on it. 
They have the right of way.

More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
There is no nonsense so gross that society will not, at some time,
make a doctrine of it and defend it with every weapon of communal 
stupidity.
--- Robertson Davies  
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

A census taker knocked on a lady's door.
She answered all his questions except one.
She refused to tell him her age.

"But everyone tells their age to the census taker," he said.

"Did Miss Maisy Hill, and Miss Daisy Hill tell you their ages?" she
asked.

"Certainly."  he replied

"Well, I'm the same age as they are." she snapped.

"As old as the Hills," he slowly intoned as he wrote on his form.

_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________



Yes, the desert DOES bloom!


_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________

In a high school gym class, all the girls are lined up against
one wall, and all the boys against the opposite wall.  Every
ten seconds, they walk toward each other exactly half the
remaining distance between them.

A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are asked,
"When will the girls and boys meet?"

Mathematician:  "Never."

Physicist:  "In an infinite amount of time."

Engineer:  "Well... in about two minutes, they'll be close enough
for all practical purposes."

_____________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Sarah Gomez, 19,
Ontario,
California

Mother arrested after running over 
7 mo old daughter and boyfriend, 
killing daughter

A California mother was taken into police custody early Tuesday
after she allegedly struck her boyfriend and their 7-month-old
daughter with a car, injuring the father and killing the child,
according to KTLA.

Sarah Gomez, 19,  was arrested on suspicion of murder and attempted
murder, the Ontario Police Department tweeted.

The incident happened on the driveway of a residence in the 500
block of West D Street around midnight, Sgt. Jeff Higbee said.

Investigators believed the infant's mother and 21-year-old father
had been drinking at a family gathering just a few streets away
when they became involved in an argument.

Gomez was behind the wheel when she struck her boyfriend with the
infant in his arms, according to police.

Other family members took the girl to the hospital along with the
father, who suffered scrapes and abrasions, Higbee said.

The child had injuries consistent with being hit by a car, the
officer said. Authorities towed the vehicle to investigate it.

Earlier, the agency said it expected Gomez to be charged with two
counts of assault with a deadly weapon. But it later appeared that
the incident was intentional, Higbee told KTLA.

Gomez is held at the San Bernardino County West Valley Detention
Center.



Tech Support Pits
From: Bonnie
Re: Separate licenses

Dear Webby
Thanks Webby,
One more thing,  I have 2 separate desktop computers and a
laptop.  For the windows 7 to be "genuine", can I install
the one purchased, or do I need to purchase 3 separate ones?

Again, love your newsletter!
An Avid Reader and User of Tips
stitichingirl

Dear Bonnie
Micro$oft insists that you buy a separate license for each
computer.

I have a hunch that the demand AND PRICE for W7 will go
up as more and more people learn that a W10 computer
is just a W7 machine, that hasn't been formatted yet, and
still needs W7 to be installed, to become fast enough for work.

Have FUN
DearWebby




The cowboy was trying to buy an insurance policy.  The
insurance agent was going down the list of standard
questions.

"Ever have an accident?"

"Nope, nary a one."

"None?  You've never had any accidents."

"Nope.  Ain't never had one.  Never."

"That's hard to believe. Nothing ever happened to you at all?"

"Well, rattler bit me one time."

"Wouldn't you consider that an accident?"

"Hell no. Dang varmint bit me on purpose."



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.

At one of the last all girl schools in Dallas years ago, the
instructor in a "Charm Course" was urging her students to
give their escorts every chance to be gallant.

"Remain seated in the truck until he has had time to step
around and open the door for you." she said.

Then, returning to reality she added, "But if the big jerk
is in the restaurant flirting at the waitress...
don't wait any longer."



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




Giving a man his physical, the doctor noticed several dark,
ugly bruises on his shins, so he asked, "Do you play hockey,
soccer, or some physical sport?"

"No," he answered. "I play bridge with my wife."

____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Save Change and Dollar Bills
My husband and I have always saved our change, but recently
we have started saving our one dollar bills as well. At the end
of each day, we put all of our ones in a little bank, and on
Saturday, we deposit what we have into our savings account.
It adds up quickly! By Carol

Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com

____________________________________________________

Having gone out for a large lunch with fellow workers, one
health conscious young woman from our office was especially
motivated to get to the gym after work. 

Our boss, who had also enjoyed a large meal, suggested that 
she run an extra lap for him. As she was leaving the office, 
she called to the boss, "Get ready to start huffing and puffing,
'cause I'll be on your lap in half an hour!"



Winners and losers of People are Awesome!
___________________________________________________

An annoyingly self-righteous man went to the doctor for a
check-up.  He said, "I feel terrible. Please examine me and
tell me what's wrong with me."

"Let's begin with a few questions," said the doctor,
"Do you drink much?"
"Alcohol?" said the man. "I'm a teetotaler. Never touch a
drop."

"How about smoking?" asked the doctor.
"Never," replied the man. "Tobacco is bad, and I have strong
principles   against it."

"Well, uh." asked the doctor, "do you have much of a sex life?"

"Oh, no," said the man. "Sex is sin. I'm in bed by 10:30 every
night and I always have been."

The doctor paused, looked at the man hard, and asked,
"Well, do you have pains in your head?"

"Yes," said the man. "I have terrible pains in my head."

"O.K.," said the doctor. "That's your trouble.
Your halo is on too tight!!

___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

A kindergartner brings his drawings home every day. His
mother is delighted to see what he's doing, of course, and
hangs each one on the refrigerator.
But after a while, one thing starts bothering her. The child
uses only blacks and browns for his drawings. Fearing a
problem and not wanting it to get worse, she decides to
take him to a child psychologist.

The psychologist delicately goes to work. Every day, for
two weeks, he gives the boy a battery of tests, but
everything seems perfectly normal.
Yet every day the little fellow continues to bring home
drawings in only blacks and browns.

Frustrated at not being able to get to the root of the
problem, the psychologist decides to give the boy some
paper and a box of crayons and observe what happens.

The boy opens the box of crayons and says, "Oh, wow!
A new box of crayons!
At school we only have old boxes, and the only ones left
in mine are black and brown."
____________________________________________________



Today, May 31 in
1433 Sigismund was crowned emperor of Rome. 

1859 In London, Big Ben went into operation. 

1870 E.J. DeSemdt patented asphalt. 

1880 The first U.S. national bicycle society was formed in Newport,
RI. It was known as the League of American Wheelman. 

1884 Dr. John Harvey Kellogg patented "flaked cereal." 

1889 In Johnstown, PA, more than 2,200 people died after the South
Fork Dam collapsed. 

1900 U.S. troops arrived in Peking to help put down the Boxer
Rebellion. 

1902 The Boer War ended between the Boers of South Africa and Great
Britain with the Treaty of Vereeniging. 

1907 The first taxis arrived in New York City. They were the first
in the United States. 

1909 The National Association for the Advancement of Colored People
(NAACP) held its first conference. 

1910 The Union of South Africa was founded. 

1915 A German zeppelin made an air raid on London. 

1927 Ford Motor Company produced the last "Tin Lizzie" in order to
begin production of the Model A. 

1929 In Beverly, MA, the first U.S. born reindeer were born. 

1941 The first issue of "Parade: The Weekly Picture Newspaper" went
on sale. 

1943 "Archie" was aired on the Mutual Broadcasting System for the
first time. 

1947 Communists seized control of Hungary. 

1955 The U.S. Supreme Court ordered that all states must end racial
segregation "with all deliberate speed." 

1961 South Africa became an independent republic. 

1962 Adolf Eichmann was hanged in Israel. Eichmann was a Gestapo
official and was executed for his actions in the Nazi Holocaust. 

1970 An earthquake in Peru killed tens of thousands of people. 

1974 Israel and Syria signed an agreement on the Golan Heights. 

1977 The trans-Alaska oil pipeline was finished after 3 years of
construction. It still works. Bears walking on it have the 
right of way.

1979 Zimbabwe proclaimed its independence. 

1994 The U.S. announced it was no longer aiming long-range nuclear
missiles at targets in the former Soviet Union. 

1995 Bob Dole singled out Time Warner for "the marketing of evil"
in movies and music. Dole later admitted that he had not seen or
heard much of what he had been criticizing. 

2003 In North Carolina, Eric Robert Rudolph was captured. He had
been on the FBI's 10 Most Wanted list for five years for several
bombings including the 1996 Olympic bombing.

2018  smiled.

 
 






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Using Mailwasher to make filters 
Wednesday, May 30, 2018, 06:54 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, May 30

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Woman, 53, ran brothel out of luxury flat and 
made prostitutes pose as massage therapists
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, May 30 in
1911 Ray Harroun won the first Indianapolis 500. At the time, it
was known as International 500-Mile Sweepstakes Race. Harroun's
average speed was 74.59 miles per hour. 

More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
--- Robert Benchley

Idleness is not doing nothing. 
Idleness is being free to do anything.
--- Floyd Dell
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Hi Webby,
I've worn red on Fridays since I first heard of it from you. 
I have nephews in Iraq. I support them in any way I can. 
Thanks for reminding others!

Also thank you for all the tips and laughs. Unfortunately, 
we have a tendancy to take people for granted and don't 
verbalize our appreciation as often as we should.
I do vote daily to show my appreciation!
Thanks again,
Jessie
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________



_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________

The Japanese eat very little fat, and suffer fewer heart 
attacks than the British or Americans.  On the other hand, 
the French eat a lot of fat, and also suffer fewer heart 
attacks than the British or Americans. 

The Japanese drink very little red wine, and suffer fewer 
heart attacks than the British or Americans.  
The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine, 
and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or 
Americans. 

Conclusion: 
Eat and drink what you like.  
It's speaking English that kills you. 
__________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by


Chin Chi Chang, 53,
Kirkcaldy, Fife, Scotland
Britain

Woman, 53, ran brothel out of luxury flat and 
made prostitutes pose as massage therapists

Chin Chih Chang, 53, was acting as a madam at the flat in
Kirkcaldy, Fife, Scotland, where prostitutes in their ‘20s and 30s’
operated. She had denied the charge but was found guilty at
Kirkcaldy sheriff court after male clients testified they had
visited the brothel and paid for sex. 

Alasdair McIntosh, 56, revealed he got a ‘Brucie bonus’ from an
Asian escort after initially paying for a £100 massage. Police
found him butt naked and on top of a woman when they raided the
property at Lord Gambier Wharf on May 31 last year, the trial
heard.

PC Stephanie McLean said Mr McIntosh was aroused, adding: ‘I
observed his buttocks in the air with the female’s legs wrapped
around him. ‘I told him, “get off and get up”. The female tried to
cover herself up. She was wearing ­stockings and a small top. ‘Due
to his nakedness, I told him to cover himself up, but he stood
there with a grin on his face as if he wasn’t bothered by the
scenario. He walked with no shame. He sort of strutted.’ The court
erupted in laughter when her colleague PC Kevin Daglish said Mr
McIntosh was acting ‘cocky’, the Scottish Daily Record reported.

Officers also found Andrew Wilson, 50, in another room. He had all
his clothes on at the time and claimed he was there to get
treatment on a sciatic nerve. Another man said women kept ‘condoms,
potions, lotions and creams’ in the flat.

arrive next week Chang, from Hove, Sussex, had claimed through an
interpreter the women were massage therapists but was still
convicted by a jury. The mum-of-one even advertised ‘Chinese
massages’ on website Gumtree. The court heard she transferred
around £30,000 to an account in her home country of Taiwan and she
has now been given a confiscation order to try and recoup the
illicit funds. Chang moved to England four years ago after marrying
a British man. Sheriff Jamie Gilchrist QC granted her bail as he
considers reports before sentencing her.



Tech Support Pits
From: Ross
Re: Forgot MailWasher

Dear Webby
You Forgot to Mention MAILWASHER.
Ross

Dear Ross
Yes, I did.  
Whenever I mention making filters, I automatically think of
MailWasher, because I have used it for so long. 
Actually, I was one of the original testers in the 90s.

Making filters with MailWasher is like a game.
Whenever you spot a pattern, something the spammers use again and
again, click on the little arrows on the right top to get the
tools, hit FILTERS, ADD, and play for a minute.
You can make filters dead simple like just the address of your MIL,
or you can craft a complicated filter that has a few "But not if"
and all kinds of fancy rules, that you simply pull down from the
selector.

It sounds difficult just reading about it, but once you actually
play with it, you see that it is really simple and quickly turns
into a fun game to outsmart the spammers.

Have FUN
DearWebby




Thanks to MaryAnn for this story:
Signs warning of closed roadways are frequently ignored in   
rural Minnesota, so highway workers barely took notice when   
a woman drove past their sign and over the hill to the   
trench they had dug in the middle of the road. The workers   
explained the detour route to town, and she went on her way.   

They were surprised, however, to see the same woman coming   
toward them from town a couple of hours later. "Oh," she   
said distractedly as she again pulled up next to the trench   
crew. "Is it closed in this direction too?"  



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.

What is the one thing that all women at singles bars have 
in   common?
They're all married and they all have a white, untanned 
line on their ring finger. . 



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!



George, a career Army officer I once met, was jumpmaster for
 his unit and was taking up a few novices for a drop. The flight
 was pretty rough, and, after a while, George called off the
 jump because of high winds. As the plane headed back to base,
 and the pilot pulled off an unusually smooth landing, two of
 the recruits got airsick.

 "How come you could take that rough flight, but you couldn't
 handle the smooth landing?" asked George.

 "Well, Sir," one trainee explained, "we've always jumped out
 of planes. We've never actually landed before."
____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
No Till Veggies
Here's what my Daddy did when he planted potatoes. 
He dug a lil furrow and planted potatoes and covered them 
ever so lightly with dirt. Then he covered that with a little hay. 
Then as the plants grew, he covered with more hay. He kept 
doing that until plants were waist high. Then when potaoes 
were ready to harvest, he would just turn back the hay and 
here were the potaoes. No digging. 

Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com

There is an even easier way:
Toss your cut potatoes, one eye per piece, onto the dirt,
cover them with an old bed sheet, and water them.
When the plants start to raise the sheet, poke a hole with a knife
for each, so that they can wiggle through.
The rest of the season just water them normally.
From mid summer on you can reach under the sheet and steal clean
and firm potatoes. Yukon Gold style potatoes work fine with that
method.
In the fall let the first frost kill the greenery, cut the stalks
with a machete, pull the sheet with the cut stalks, rake and shovel
the potatoes into gunny sacks. They are clean.
Have FUN!
DearWebby


____________________________________________________

An Austin, Texas, Emergency Medical Technician answered a call at
the home of an elderly woman whose sister had collapsed. As they
were placing her in the ambulance, the lady wailed, "Oh, lawdy,
lawdy. I know what's the matter with her. She done got the same
thing what killed her brother. It's a heretical disease. It's the
Smiling Mighty Jesus!"

When the technician got the sister to the county hospital, she
looked up the brother's medical records to find that he had died of
-- spinal meningitis.




Beautiful desert wild flowers.
___________________________________________________

In a hat shop a salesgirl gushed, "That's the hat for you!
It makes you look ten years younger."

"Then I don't want it," retorted the customer. "I certainly
can't afford to put on ten years every time I take off my
hat!"
___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________

A man went to see his eye doctor, who told him he had a case of
myopera and that he and would have to wear contract lenses.
That's a lot better than his friend, who had had a cadillac removed.

Still, when he worked at his computer, he would have to watch
out for harbor tunnel syndrome. He worried that his authoritis of
the joints might be a signal of Old Timer's disease and fretted
that a genital heart defect was causing trouble with his duodemon.
____________________________________________________



Today, May 30 in
1416 Jerome of Prague was burned as a heretic by the Church. 

1431 Joan of Arc was burned at the stake in Rouen, France, at the
age of 19. 

1539 Hernando de Soto, the Spanish explorer, landed in Florida with
600 soldiers to search for gold. 

1783 The first daily newspaper was published in the U.S. by
Benjamin Towner called "The Pennsylvania Evening Post" 

1814 The First Treaty of Paris was declared, which returned France
to its 1792 borders. 

1848 W.G. Young patented the ice cream freezer. 

1868 Memorial Day was observed widely for the first time in the
U.S. 

1879 William Vanderbilt renamed New York City's Gilmore’s Garden to
Madison Square Garden. 

1883 Twelve people were trampled to death in New York City in a
stampede when a rumor that the Brooklyn Bridge was in danger of
collapsing occurred. 

1896 The first automobile accident occurred in New York City. 

1903 In Riverdale, NY, the first American motorcycle hill climb was
held. 

1911 Ray Harroun won the first Indianapolis 500. At the time, it
was known as International 500-Mile Sweepstakes Race. Harroun's
average speed was 74.59 miles per hour. 

1912 The U.S. Marines were sent to Nicaragua to protect American
interests. 

1913 The First Balkan War ended. 

1921 The U.S. Navy transferred the Teapot Dome oil reserves to the
Department of the Interior. 

1933 Sally Rand introduced her exotic and erotic fan dance to
audiences at Chicago’s Century of Progress Exposition. 

1943 American forces secured the Aleutian island of Attu from the
Japanese during World War II. 

1958 Unidentified soldiers killed in World War II and the Korean
conflicts were buried at Arlington National Cemetery. 

1967 Daredevil Evel Knievel jumped 16 automobiles in a row in a
motorcycle stunt at Ascot Speedway in Gardena, CA. 

1967 The state of Biafra seceded from Nigeria and Civil war
erupted. 

1971 Mariner 9, the American deep space probe blasted off on a
journey to Mars. 

1981 In Chittagong, Bangladesh, President Ziaur Rahman was
assassinated. 

1982 Spain became the 16th NATO member. Spain was the first country
to enter the Western alliance since West Germany in 1955. 

1983 Peru's President Fernando Belaunde Terry declared a state of
emergency and suspended civil rights after bombings by leftist
rebels. 

1989 The "Goddess of Democracy" statue (33 feet height) was erected
in Tiananmen Square by student demonstrators. 

1996 Britain's Prince Andrew and the former Sarah Ferguson were
granted an uncontested decree ending their 10-year marriage. 

1997 Jesse K. Timmendequas was convicted in Trenton, NJ, of raping
and strangling a 7-year-old neighbor, Megan Kanka. The 1994 murder
inspired "Megan's Law," requiring that communities be notified when
sex offenders move in. 

1998 A powerful earthquake hit northern Afghanistan killing up to
5,000. 

2002 In New York, a ceremony was held to officially mark the end of
the clean up from the World Trade Center terrorist attacks on
September 11, 2001. 

2012 New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg announced the Portion
Cap Rule. The proposed amendment to the city health code would have
required that food service establishments limit the size of sugary
beverages to 16 ounces. On June 26, 2014, the New York Court of
Appeals ruled that the New York City Board of Health had exceeded
the scope of its regulatory authority.

2018  smiled.

 
 






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