Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, July 29.

Today I have the final check-up after the cataract 
operation, and tomorrow I am scheduled for injections 
into my eyeballs, IF health care pays for that, even
though I am 65. If they want $5,000 or a significant 
portion of that, I'll have to pass.
Either way, Thursday to Saturday there most likely
won't be any newsletters.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
South Carolina woman who stabbed her roommate 
for refusing to stop listening to the Eagles
Details at Boneheads

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
2005 Astronomers announced that they had discovered a 
 new planet (Xena) larger than Pluto in orbit around the sun.




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





Nobody will ever win the Battle of the Sexes. 
There's just too much fraternizing with the enemy.
--- Henry Kissinger (1923 - ) 

Most people are other people. 
Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, 
their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.
--- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)



Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! 
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On a Cathay Pacific 747 in Taipei, the following
announcement was heard over the cabin PA system:
"Ladies and gentlemen, we are overbooked and are
offering anyone $1,000 plus a seat on the next flight in
exchange for their seat on this flight."

After a short pause, the offer was repeated with the
amendment that it did not apply to the crew assigned
to the flight.


Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
Boost Computer Speed
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A little boy was roughhousing with his dog. His
mother said to him, "Now, Peter, I know you love
Wowser, but you're loving him too much. How would
you feel if someone huge picked you up and
squeezed you so hard you couldn't breathe?"

The boy thought a moment and then said, "I guess I'd
feel like it was my birthday and Aunt Doreen was
here!"




Click on the picture for the large version
Prunerov, CZ, coal fired power plant in Czech Republic.

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!


Reported by Walter, the Stonecarver

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Vernett Bader,  North Charleston, SC

South Carolina, 54, woman who stabbed her roommate 
for refusing to stop listening to the Eagles

Police in South Carolina arrested a North Charleston woman 
Monday night after she allegedly stabbed her roommate 
multiple times for refusing to stop playing music by the 
classic rock band The Eagles.

According to the official report, Vernett Bader, 54, became 
irritated with her 64-year-old roommate (and one-time boyfriend) 
after he rejected her pleas to turn off the Eagles and told 
her to "shut up."

Bader then entered the kitchen and grabbed a serrated knife, 
which she subsequently used to stab her roommate several 
times in the arm, hand, and elbow.

The roommate and his brother managed to wrestle the knife 
away from Bader, but she quickly retrieved another knife
from the kitchen.

All three were intoxicated at the time, per the report.

It's unclear which of the band's songs drove Bader over 
the edge, but police have narrowed down the possible 
suspects to "Witchy Woman," "Take It Easy," 
"Peaceful Easy Feeling," "Take It to the Limit," 
"One of These Nights," "Tequila Sunrise," and 
"Hotel California" on repeat.

Bader confessed to the crime, but claimed it was an act 
of self-defense to counter her roommate's choking.

Investigators say Bader did not have any visible marks 
on her neck.

Police charged Bader with criminal domestic violence of 
a high and aggravated nature and she was booked into 
the Charleston County jail, where she remained held as 
of this afternoon.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Chris
Re: Does Chrome have a Session restore?

Dear Webby,
I tried Chrome after you suggested it. It is indeed
a lot  faster than FireFox. However, it sure seems 
to be missing some ameninties. It is way too easy 
to accidentally closing it. For example, if you need
to see the HTML of a page, it's CTRL U, just like 
in Firefox. So far so good. However, when you want 
to close the Code View with ALT F4, just like in FireFox,
then you close Chrome and all your open tabs are GONE.

VERRRY BARRRBARRRIC!
I learned the hard way that I have to pay attention and
close the Code View with CTRL F4 instead. When absentminded
habit takes over, Chrome shuts down and forgets all the 
tabs.

Is there some way to do a Session Restore in Chrome?
Thanks
Chris

Dear Chris
I agree that some parts of Chrome are still incompetent.
Same as with Gmail, some snooty yuppies decide what is
good for you.

What works some of the time is to hit CTRL SHIFT T a 
few seconds after Chrome re-opens, and restore closed tabs.

You can hit the 3 bars at the right top, 
Settings
and change the ON STARTUP choice to
"Continue where I left off"

It helps most of the time, but is a bit erratic.

There is a third party extension called Session Buddy, that
seems to be very popular for saving your sessions. 
You can get it free from Session Buddy

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Stopping the Burn from Spicy Food
If you cook something that is very hot and spicy, 
I suggest that you serve it with some milk to drink with 
the meal. Milk products help stop the burn left in your 
mouth from hot, spicy food. Also, you could have ice 
cream or something like that for dessert!

By Robin from Washington, IA 

Better yet is some bread. A lot of people have a lactose
intolerance and can't drink milk, but even people with
gluten allergies can take a bit of bread. Most of the 
gluten is in the crust, but it is the soft inner part,
that sponges the hot stuff off the tongue.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


For best results, read this one out loud!

"Information? I need the number of the Caseway
Insurance Company."

"Would you spell that, please?"

"Certainly. C as in sea. 
A as in aye. 
S as in sea.
E as in eye.
W as in why. 
A as in are. 
Y as in you."

The operator pauses. "Just a minute, sir. 
I'll connect you with my supervisor."


When I was younger, I believed the line was 
"Lead a snot into temptation." I thought I was praying
for my little sister to get into trouble.
------
When my older brother was very young, he always walked 
up to the church altar with my mother when she took 
communion. On one occasion, he tugged at her arm and 
asked, "What does the priest say when he gives you 
the bread?" Mom whispered something in his ear. 
Imagine his shock many years later when he learned 
that the priest doesn't say, "Be quiet until you get 
to your seat." 




» Funny Icebergs




Today in 
1588 The English defeated the Spanish Armada in the Battle 
 of Gravelines. 
1754 The first international boxing match was held. The 
 25-minute match was won when Jack Slack of Britain knocked 
 out Jean Petit from France. 
1914 The first transcontinental telephone service was 
 inaugurated when two people held a conversation between 
 New York, NY and San Francisco, CA. 
1940 John Sigmund of St. Louis, MO, completed a 292-mile 
 swim down the Mississippi River. The swim from St. Louis 
 to Caruthersville, MO took him 89 hours and 48 minutes. 
1957 The International Atomic Energy Agency was established. 
1958 The National Aeronautics and Space Administration 
 (NASA) was authorized by the U.S. Congress. 
1968 Pope Paul VI reaffirmed the Roman Catholic Church's 
 stance against artificial methods of birth control. 
1975 OAS (Organization of American States) members voted 
 to lift collective sanctions against Cuba. The U.S. 
 government welcomed the action and announced its intention 
 to open serious discussions with Cuba on normalization. 
1981 England's Prince Charles and Lady Diana Spencer were 
 married. 
1985 General Motors announced that Spring Hill, TN, would 
 be the home of the Saturn automobile assembly plant. 
1993 The Israeli Supreme Court acquitted retired Ohio 
 autoworker John Demjanjuk of being Nazi death camp guard 
 "Ivan the Terrible." His death sentence was thrown out 
 and he was set free. 
1997 Minamata Bay in Japan was declared free of mercury 
 40 years after contaminated food fish were blamed for 
 deaths and birth defects. 
1998 The United Auto Workers union ended a 54-day strike 
 against General Motors. The strike caused $2.8 billion 
 in lost revenues. 
2005 Astronomers announced that they had discovered a 
 new planet (Xena) larger than Pluto in orbit around the sun.
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, July 28.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
NY Woman, who trashed salon over bad hairdo
Details at Boneheads

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1866 - The metric system was legalized by the U.S. Congress
 for the standardization of weights and measures throughout 
 the United States. Most states still don't teach it.

1945 - A U.S. Army bomber crashed into the 79th floor of 
 New York City's Empire State Building. 14 people were 
 killed and 26 were injured.




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





When a person can no longer laugh at himself, 
it is time for others to laugh at him.
--- Thomas Szasz,



Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! 
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Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach
with his ear to the ground. One of the cowboys stops and
says to the other, "You see that Indian?"
"Yeah," says the other cowboy.
"Look," says the first one, "he's listening to the ground.
He can hear things for miles in any direction."

Just then the Indian raises his head and says:
"White Ford Pick-Up, 4 people in front,
a dozen in the back, big party"

"Wow, you can tell all that by listening to the ground ?"

"Nah, I fell off the truck"


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A young man said to his girlfriend's father, "I realize that this
is only a formality, but would you mind me marrying your
daughter?"

"Who says it's ONLY A FORMALITY?" roared the father angrily.

"Her obstetrician and her lawyer!" replied the young man.




Click on the picture for the large version
Temelin town and powerplant, color overlaid with Infrared
picture. Look at the heat of the town compared to the warm
power plant chimneys. And note the clean, but warm air from
the chimneys. They take air from ground level and blow it
through huge radiators to cool the used steam from the 
powerplant. What they blow out at the top is simply warm air.
No CO2 or pollutants of any kind added.

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Rachel Meyers, 26, New York City, NY

Woman trashed salon over bad hairdo

Incensed over an allegedly botched hairdo, a New York City 
woman tore up a Manhattan salon, throwing chairs, hair dryers, 
and assorted beauty products in a rampage that ended with 
her in handcuffs, according to investigators.

Rachel Meyers, 26, was arrested Friday afternoon following 
the ruckus at the Century 27 Beauty Salon on Beaver Street 
in the financial district.

Meyers, a Manhattan resident, was charged with five 
misdemeanors, including assault, harassment, and criminal 
possession of a weapon.

During her meltdown, Meyers threw a curling iron stand at 
another patron, according to a criminal complaint sworn by 
Officer Robert Rastetter. The stand struck the 52-year-old 
victim, “causing a laceration, bruising, and substantial 
pain in her knee,” Rastetter noted.

Meyers, pictured above, reportedly quarreled with stylists 
over treatment that left her hair in knots.

Meyers is next due in Manhattan Criminal Court on 
September 10. 

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Amanda
Re: Has Firefox gone bad?

Dear Webby,
Is it just my machine, or is the current FireFox a slow
dud, that keeps bunging up?
I have to keep dumping it with the task manager and 
restarting it all the time.
Is there another browser, that you would recommend?
Thanks
Amanda

Dear Amanda
Yes, the current version is indeed a dud. So was the 
previous one. You would have to go back about five 
versions to get a fast one.

Currently FireFox can not be recommended any more.
Maybe they will recover some day. Nobody knows.

You can try Google Chrome. It is very fast and does not
bung up.
However, Chrome takes a bit of getting used to.
Chrome does not have a big, bulky top. 
You can set HotKeys to open things like RoboForm. I set
CTRL R for RoboForm. Like I said, it takes some getting 
used to, but unlike Windows 7 and 8, their stuff makes
sense. Not having a whole window-wide bar for Roboform
shaves half an inch or more off the top bars when not 
needed, and goes away after use.

The color rendering seems to be more crisp and the fonts 
are nice and sharp, just as good as Safari.

Safari is the Mac browser. It works on Windows machines,
but is rather primitive compared to FireFox, Internet 
Explorer, Opera and Chrome. Safari is still the browser 
of choice for reading eBooks or long User Agreements,
but few Windows users use Safari for anything else.

Internet Explorer has security issues and does not mesh
with a lot of programs, and is rather slow.

Opera is not free any more and crashes ocasionally.

So, in summary, currently Chrome is the best browser.
Take a bit of time getting used to it. It's not rocket
science and almost all of it you'll figure out without
clicking on help. For example, you can 
"Show the Bookmarks Bar", and drag the little icon from
the left of the address bar onto it. It is called "favicon".
You can cut the sample bookmark, that they got in it.

The Bookmarks Bar has a folder to get started. Rename that
to F1 or F and drag favicons onto it. Make more topical 
folders for different topics and keep the bar from getting 
too crowded.

It is actually quite neat once you get used to it.
And it is fast!

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Natural Ideas for Ant Control
My neighbor had a huge pile of cement ants. She used a mix 
of 50/50 baking soda and powered sugar. They were gone the 
next day. I thought the sugar would attract them but it 
worked. I have used soapy water as well. Ants don't like 
peppermint either, use oil not candy.

By roberta paige [1] 

Cinnamon works quite well too, and corn starch,
also cement, lime (construction, not the fruit), 
and probably a lot of other fine ground materials.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


A FARM WAS SOLD to some city folks. The old farmer next
door was out one day and saw the new neighbor planting in
his garden. The farmer watched as the man would dig a
hole, set a tomato plant and pour in a shot of whiskey.
The farmer couldn’t help but ask what he was planting.

“Stewed tomatoes,” was the reply.


Shakey went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got
trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's
somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there's
somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under ... you
gotta help me, I'm going crazy!"
"Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the
shrink.
"Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your
fears."
"How much do you charge?"
"A hundred dollars per visit."

"I'll sleep on it," said Shakey.

Six months later the doctor met Shakey on the street.
"Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked
the psychiatrist.

"For a hundred buck's a visit? A bartender cured me
for ten dollars."

"Is that so! How?"

"He told me to cut the legs off the bed!
Nobody under there now."




» Butchart Gardens




Today in 
1821 - Peru declared its independence from Spain. 
1866 - The metric system was legalized by the U.S. Congress
 for the standardization of weights and measures throughout 
 the United States. Most states still don't teach it.
1914 - World War I officially began when Austria-Hungary 
 declared war on Serbia, a state of the empire, for not 
 handing over the assassin of the crown prince and his wife, 
 and England decided to side with far away Serbia. Then
 Russia also joined England.
1932 - Federal troops forcibly dispersed the "Bonus Army" 
 of World War I veterans who had gathered in Washington, DC. 
 They were demanding money they were not scheduled to 
 receive until 1945. 
1942 - L.A. Thatcher received a patent for a coin-operated 
 mailbox. The device stamped envelopes when money was 
 inserted. 
1945 - A U.S. Army bomber crashed into the 79th floor of 
 New York City's Empire State Building. 14 people were 
 killed and 26 were injured. 
1965 - U.S. President Johnson announced he was increasing 
 the number of American troops in South Vietnam from 
 75,000 to 125,000. 
1982 - San Francisco, CA, became the first city in the U.S. 
 to ban handguns. 
1994 - Kenny Rogers (Texas Rangers) pitched the 14th perfect 
 game in major league baseball history. 
1998 - Bell Atlantic and GTE announced $52 billion deal 
 that created the second-largest phone company. 
1998 - Serbian military forces seized the Kosovo town 
 of Malisevo. 
1998 - Monica Lewinsky received blanket immunity from 
 prosecution to testify before a grand jury about her 
 relationship with U.S. President Clinton. 
2006 - Researchers announced that two ancient reptiles 
 had been found off Australia. The Umoonasaurus and 
 Opallionectes were the first of their kind to be found 
 in the period soon after the Jurassic era.
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, July 27.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Drunk woman sleeping in a car at the mall
Details at Boneheads

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1980 The deposed shah of Iran, Muhammad Riza Pahlavi, 
 died in a hospital near Cairo, Egypt.




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a 
little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.
--- Benjamin Franklin (1706 - 1790),

How vain it is to sit down to write when you have 
not stood up to live.
--- Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862)



Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! 
(Opens in a new tab, so that you don't lose this page)

>From Sandie
A SOUTHERNER vacationing in Maine stopped at a small 
convenience store to buy some souvenirs. As he stood 
in line to pay for his purchases, the southerner was 
amused by the accent of some local lobster fishermen, 
who were in the store discussing the day’s catch.

Stepping up to the cash register, the tourist commented to
the clerk, “Some people around here sure talk with funny
accents.”

“Aye-yuh,” the clerk replied, “but thay’ll all be gohne by
Laybor Day.”


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Garden Classic:
GOD:
Frank , you know all about gardens and nature.  What in the
world is going on down there on the planet?  What happened
to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago?
I had a perfect no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants
grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with
abandon.  The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts
butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds.  I expected
to see a vast garden of colours by now.  But, all I see are
these green rectangles.

Saint FRANCIS:
It's the tribes that settled there, Lord.  The Suburbanites.
They started calling your flowers "weeds" and went to great
lengths to kill them and replace them with  grass.

GOD:
Grass?  But, it's so boring.  It's not colourful.  It doesn't
attract butterflies, birds and bees;  only grubs and sod
worms.  It's sensitive to temperatures.  Do these Suburbanites
really want all that grass growing there?

ST. FRANCIS :
Apparently so, Lord.  They go to great pains to grow it and
keep it green.  They begin each spring by fertilizing grass
and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.

GOD:
The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass
grow really fast.  That must make the Suburbanites happy.

ST.   FRANCIS :
Apparently not, Lord.  As soon as it grows a little, they cut it
--sometimes twice a week.

GOD:
They cut it?  Do they then bail it like hay?

ST.   FRANCIS :
Not exactly, Lord.  Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.

GOD:
They bag it?  Why?  Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

ST. FRANCIS :
No, Sir, just the opposite.  They pay to throw it away.

GOD:
Now, let me get this straight.  They fertilize grass so it will
grow.  And, when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to
throw it away?

ST. FRANCIS :
Yes, Sir.

GOD:
These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when
we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat.  That surely
slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.

ST. FRANCIS:
You aren't going to believe this, Lord.  When the grass stops
growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money
to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to 
get rid of it.

GOD:
What nonsense.  At least they kept some of the trees.  That
was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself.  The trees
grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the
summer.  In the autumn, they fall to the ground and form a
natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the
trees and bushes. It's a natural cycle of life.

ST. FRANCIS:
You better sit down, Lord.  The Suburbanites have drawn a
new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into
great piles and pay to have them hauled away.

GOD:
No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in
the  winter to keep the soil moist and loose?

ST. FRANCIS:
After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something
which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around
in place of the leaves.

GOD:
And where do they get this mulch?

ST. FRANCIS:
They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.

GOD:
Enough!   I don't want to think about this anymore.
St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts.  What movie have
you scheduled for us tonight?

ST. CATHERINE:
"Dumb and Dumber", Lord.  It's a story about....

GOD:
Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story 
from St. Francis.




Click on the picture for the large version

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Suzanne Morales, 45, Boca Raton, Florida

Florida woman in lingerie 
tried to run over cop

Florida police say a woman wearing only lingerie tried to 
run over an officer who woke her while she slept in her 
car.

No one was injured, but according to WPTV.com, police 
allegedly had to break out a window to subdue 45 year old 
Suzanne Morales, of Boca Raton.

The incident occurred Monday morning in the parking lot 
of the Town Center Mall in Boca Raton.
Someone who saw a scantily clad woman inside a vehicle, 
called the Boca Raton Police Department at about 9 a.m., 
the Sun Sentinel reports.

According to Browardpalmbeach.com, responding officers 
suspected Morales was drunk because they could smell 
alcohol. 

The officers reportedly knocked on one of the car windows. 
Morales allegedly refused to roll down her windows or 
exit the vehicle. It was at that point, police say, 
that their investigation took a dangerous turn.
Morales, according to WPTV.com, backed her car up, nearly 
hitting an officer and scraped another car in the mall 
parking lot before her vehicle came to a stop.

After breaking out the rear window of the vehicle, police 
took Morales into custody and charged her with aggravated 
assault and obstructing an officer without violence.

Morales is being held at the Palm Beach County Jail in 
lieu of $10,000 bail.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Ellie
Re: Lost poem again

Dear Webby,
Two problems:
1.   I am three verses into “Dear Lord� poem today.
 5 minutes ago. Screen goes blank and I DID NOT HIT A 
 KEY AT ALL! I was still on the page but had no poem 
 and could not retrieve it and it was good but no 
 longer in my memory.  What would you have done if 
 it were you, could you have saved it?
 
2.  A few days ago we had to remove a lot of bad 
 downloads added since I got my new computer last 
 year and I noticed I no longer get my daily Humor Letter. 
 Could you please sign me up again, I did really enjoy it.
 
Thanks, Ellie

Dear Ellie
Judging by the "“" microslop in your email, you are
using Microsoft Word or something similar.
You can set Auto-Save in that. Just hit F1 when in that 
program, and search for AutoSave.

I write stuff either in Eudora, my email program,
or in NoteTab. Both have Auto-Save.
NoteTab is at http://notetab.com
You can have dozens of tabs open, with unfinished poems.
Just set the AutoSave at 2 minutes.
Save each poem under a new name as soon as you start it. 
The AutoSave will save it automatically.

Then, when one is finished, I can paste it into a card 
or email or web page.

Re your Humor Letter:
k********@gmail.com IS subscribed.
Check your SPAM folder.
You may have to make a filter to keep it out of SPAM.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Rain for Cleaning Throw Rugs
I found out by accident the best way to clean my old throw 
rugs. I washed them and hung them on the clothesline 
outside. Then it rained, and rained and rained. 
To my surprise, they were cleaner then when I 
first hung them out. No more machine washing of 
rugs for me, now I just hang them out on the line 
when I hear it's going to rain. 

By April [7] 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


As I drove into a parking lot, I noticed that a pickup truck 
with a dog sitting behind the wheel was rolling toward a 
female pedestrian.

She seemed oblivious, so I hit my horn to get her attention. 
She looked up just in time to jump out of the way of the 
truck's path, and the vehicle bumped harmlessly into the
curb and stopped.

I rushed to the woman's side to see if she was all right.

"I'm fine," she assured me, "but I hate to think what could
have happened to me if that dog hadn't honked."


Bill and Sam, two elderly friends, met in the park every day
to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world
problems. One day Bill didn't show up. Sam didn't think
much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something.
But after Bill hadn't shown up for a week or so, Sam really
got worried.

However, since the only time they ever got together was at
the park, Sam didn't know where Bill lived, so he was unable
to find out what had happened to him.

A month had passed, and Sam figured he had seen the last
of Bill, but one day, Sam approached the park and -- lo and
behold! --there sat Bill!

Sam was very excited and happy to see him and told him so.
Then he said, "For crying out loud Bill, what in the world
happened to you?"

Bill replied, "I have been in jail."

"Jail?" cried Sam. "What in the world for?"

"Well," Bill said, "you know Sue, that cute little redheaded
waitress at the coffee shop that we sometimes go to?"

"Yeah," said Sam, "I remember her. What about her?"

"Well, one day she filed rape charges against me; and,
at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court,
I pleaded 'guilty'
and the judge gave me 30 days for perjury."




» Butchart Gardens




Today in 
1214 At the Battle of Bouvines in France, Philip Augustus 
 of France defeated John of England.
1245 Frederick II was deposed by a council at Lyons after 
 they found him guilty of sacrilege.
1663 The British Parliament passed a second Navigation Act, 
 which required all goods bound for the colonies be sent in 
 British ships from British ports.
1689 Government forces defeated the Scottish Jacobites at 
 the Battle of Killiecrankie.
1777 The marquis of Lafayette arrived in New England to 
 help the rebellious American colonists fight the British.
1778 The British and French fleets fought to a standoff in 
 the first Battle of Ushant.
1866 Cyrus Field successfully completed the Atlantic Cable. 
 It was an underwater telegraph from North America to Europe.
1909 Orville Wright set a record for the longest airplane 
 flight. He was testing the first Army airplane and kept it 
 in the air for 1 hour 12 minutes and 40 seconds.
1914 British troops invaded the streets of Dublin, Ireland, 
 and began to disarm Irish rebels.
1918 The Socony 200 was launched. It was the first concrete 
 barge and was used to carry oil.
1921 Canadian biochemist Frederick Banting and associates 
 announced the discovery of the hormone insulin.
1940 Bugs Bunny made his official debut in the Warner Bros. 
 animated cartoon "A Wild Hare."
1944 U.S. troops completed the liberation of Guam.
1947 The World Water Ski Organization was founded in 
 Geneva, Switzerland.
1953 The armistice agreement that ended the Korean War 
 was signed at Panmunjon, Korea.
1955 The Allied occupation of Austria ended.
 I remember that! All school kids got speeches 
 and a BIG hotdog!
1964 U.S. President Lyndon Johnson sent an additional 
 5,000 advisers to South Vietnam.
1965 In the U.S., the Federal Cigarette Labeling and 
 Advertising Act was signed into law. The law required 
 health warnings on all cigarette packages.
1967 U.S. President Johnson appointed the Kerner 
 Commission to assess the causes of the violence in the 
 wake of urban rioting.
1974 The U.S. Congress asked for impeachment procedures 
 against President Richard Nixon.
1980 The deposed shah of Iran, Muhammad Riza Pahlavi, 
 died in a hospital near Cairo, Egypt.
1993 IBM's new chairman, Louis V. Gerstner, Jr., announced 
 an $8.9 billion plan to cut the company's costs.
2003 It was reported by the BBC (British Broadcasting Corp.) 
 that there was no monster in Loch Ness. The investigation 
 used 600 separate sonar beams and satellite navigation 
 technology to trawl the loch. Reports of sightings of the 
 "Loch Ness Monster" began in the 6th century.
2006 Intel Corp introduced its Core 2 Duo microprocessors.
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning,  !

Today is Saturday, July 26.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida man who was run over 
by his own truck during road rage
Details at Boneheads

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1956 - Egyptian President Gamal Abdel Nasser nationalized 
 the Suez Canal.




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





At 18 our convictions are hills from which we look; 
At 45 they are caves in which we hide.
--- F. Scott Fitzgerald (1896 - 1940)



Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! 
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One of our patients wasn't taking any chances. Prior to her   
operation, she taped notes to her body for the surgeon...   
"Take your time," "Don't cut yourself," "No need to rush,"   
"Wash your hands..."   

After surgery, as I helped the patient back into her bed,   
we discovered a new note taped to her, this one from the   
doctor, "Has anyone seen my wristwatch?"   


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Police Reports


The following are copies of ACTUAL written statements
submitted to the police on report forms. (Or at least
they claim to be ACTUAL statements. You be the judge.)
The drivers were instructed to give a brief statement
on the particulars of the accident in their own words.

Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided
with a tree I don't know.

I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my
Mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.

The gentleman behind me struck me on the backside. He
then went to rest in the bush with just his rear end
showing.

In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone
pole.

I had been driving my car for forty years when I fell
asleep at the wheel and had an accident.

An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my vehicle
and vanished.

The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so I
ran over him.

I saw the slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he
bounced off the hood of my car.

The guy was all over the road, I had to swerve a number
of times before I hit him.

To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I
struck the pedestrian.

I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the
other side of the roadway when I struck him.

My girlfriend kissed me. I lost control and woke up in
the hospital.

When I saw I could not avoid a collision I stepped on
the gas and crashed into the other car.

As I approached the intersection, a stop sign suddenly
appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever
appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid
the accident.

The indirect cause of this accident was a little guy in
a small car with a big mouth.

I collided with a stationary truck coming the other
way.

I told the police that I was not injured, but on
removing my hat, I found that I had fractured my skull.

I thought I could squeeze between two trucks when my
car became squashed.


Thanks to Bill for this picture


Click on the picture for the large version
Webby,
Always enjoy the photo you put in your the humor newsletter. 
Here's one I took recently in the Biloxi (MS) Harbor, just 
behind a restaurant called McElroy's. Maybe you can use it.
Bill

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Joseph Carl, 48, Gainesville, Florida

Florida Man Run Over by Own Truck 
During Road Rage

A man in Florida apparently got a dose of road rage karma 
when police say he was run over by his own pickup truck 
after getting out to bang on another driver's window.

It happened Tuesday evening in Gainesville, Florida.
The Gainesville Sun reports 48-year-old Joseph Carl had 
been drinking and drove into a vehicle stopped at a red 
light. He got out of his truck without putting it in park 
and began banging on the window of a woman's car. When 
the frightened woman drove away, there was nothing holding 
his truck in place.

The truck rolled into Carl. A police report says he was 
taken to the hospital where he was treated for fractures 
in his hand and foot.

He's charged with DUI and DUI property damage. It isn't 
known whether he's obtained a lawyer.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Ruth
Re: Bus driver's age

Hi Webby,
Hope you're faring well after your cataract surgeries, 
and in general. I truly enjoy the Humor Letter and look 
forward to the daily read.
I think I missed something, or skimmed too fast one day. 
What IS the answer to the bus driver's age question? 
I saw the post with the names of those who figured it out, 
but then no more.
thanks,
Ruth

Dear Ruth
You are the driver.
And you are 29, right?

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Glue Bait Down to Catch Chipmunks
They will steal the food in the traps. I had success 
by using a hot glue gun to glue sunflower seeds to the 
cage or mousetrap. We have caught over 50 chipmunks in 
the past 2 months. It works great in the live cages.

By Jimmy F. [1] 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


I love to read those advice columns in the newspaper.  I saw
one where they ask what is the worst thing you could receive
on your twenty fifth wedding anniversary?"

You know what the answer was?  "Morning Sickness."


A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aid. The office
worker asked her, "How many children do you have?"

"Ten," she replied.

"What are their names?" he asked.

"LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy,
LeRoy, and LeRoy," she answered.

"They're all named LeRoy?" he asked  "What if you want them to
come in from playing outside?"

"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just call 'LeRoy,' and they all
come running in."

"And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?"

"I just say, 'LeRoy, come eat your dinner'," she answered.

"But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?" he
asked.

"Oh, that's easy," she said. "Then I just use their last name!"




» Dog Days of Summer: July 3 until August 11




Today in 
1775 - A postal system was established by the 2nd Continental 
 Congress of the United States. The first Postmaster General 
 was Benjamin Franklin.
1881 - Thomas Edison and Patrick Kenny execute a patent 
 application for a facsimile telegraph (U.S. Pat. 479,184).
1893 - Commercial production of the Addressograph started 
 in Chicago, IL.
1907 - The Chester was launched. It was the first 
 turbine-propelled ship.
1952 - King Farouk I of Egypt abdicated in the wake of a 
 coup led by Gamal Abdel Nasser.
1953 - Fidel Castro began his revolt against Fulgencio 
 Batista with an unsuccessful attack on an army barracks 
 in eastern Cuba. Castro eventually ousted Batista six 
 years later.
1956 - Egyptian President Gamal Abdel Nasser nationalized 
 the Suez Canal.
1971 - Apollo 15 was launched from Cape Kennedy, FL.
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, July 25.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Dianne corrected me on the ALL CAPS issue.
She recommended http://Stripmail.net
That is the same company that made the good ol Stripmail
for removing the >>> from multiple forwardws.

I have not tried their new version.

>From Michael
Hi DearWebby,
Though I agree with you that Jerry should push back at the 
original source, if that’s not an option, both Open Office 
and Microsoft Word can automatically convert whole sentences 
and even whole documents from all upper case to mixed case 
with just a few mouse clicks:

Open Office: Convert All Uppercase

Microsoft Word: Change Capitalization

In both cases what Jerry is after is called “Sentence case”.
Aloha,
-mkr

Thanks to both of you!
Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Californian, who robbed El Pollo Loco 
restaurant and returned for lunch
Details at Boneheads

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
2010 WikiLeaks leaked to the public more than 90,000 internal 
 reports involving the U.S.-led War in Afghanistan 
 from 2004-2010.




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.
--- Saint Augustine (354 AD - 430 AD)

Middle age is when you've met so many people that every 
new person you meet reminds you of someone else.
--- Ogden Nash (1902 - 1971)



Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! 
(Opens in a new tab, so that you don't lose this page)

A Kiwi was hoping to immigrate to Australia.  Upon arriving in
Australia, he was questioned by a customs officer, "What is your
business in Australia?"
"I wish to immigrate," was the Kiwi's reply.
The customs officer then asked, "Do you have a conviction
record?"

Confused, the Kiwi then replied,
"I didn't know you still needed one!"


Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
Boost Computer Speed
Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows®
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There was a university in New England where the students
operated a "bank" of term papers and other homework
assignments. There were papers to suit all needs. Since it
would look odd if an undistinguished student suddenly
handed in a brilliant essay, there were papers for an A grade,
B grade, and C grade.

One student, who had spent the weekend on more
"extra-curricular pursuits," went to the bank, and as his
course was a standard one he took out a paper for a
inconspicuous C. He then retyped it and handed
the work in.

In due course he received it back with the professor's
comments.

"I wrote this paper myself twenty years ago. I always
thought it was worth an A, and now I'm pleased to give
it one!"


Thanks to Dianne for this picture


Click on the picture for the movie
World's tallest swing
 
Post by STAR FM 93.9.

Thanks to LittleMiss for this classic:
Becky and Sally were doing some carpentry work on their
house. Becky, who was nailing down house siding, would
reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss
it over her shoulder or nail it in.

Sally figuring this was worth looking into, asked,
"Why are you throwing those nails away?"

Becky explained, "When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about
half of them have the head on the wrong end and I throw
them away."

Sally got completely upset and yelled, "You moron!
Those nails aren't defective! They're for the other side of
the house!"

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Daniel Lee Warn, 

Daniel Lee Warn Robs El Pollo Loco Restaurant 
And Returns For Lunch

A man suspected of burglarizing an El Pollo Loco in 
Costa Mesa, California, has been arrested after he returned 
to the restaurant for a meal a few hours after the robbery.

Daniel Lee Warn, 28, was arrested Wednesday when he tried 
to order food at the restaurant, because employees recognized 
him from the security footage of the robbery.

The restaurant was closed at the time of the break-in, but 
the surveillance video showed a man climbing through the 
drive-through window and ransacking the cash register in a 
failed attempt to find money.

When Warn showed up to order lunch, he was wearing the same 
clothes as the person seen in the video: A green T-shirt 
and a hat emblazoned with a bright pink face, the Daily 
Pilot reports.

The restaurant manager called police who arrested Warn 
on multiple counts of burglary, KTLA-TV reports.

Police believe Warn is also responsible for three 
other burglaries in the same area between Tuesday 
and Wednesday.

Warn, a transient, was sentenced to two years in 
prison last month, but was freed as part of a 
post-release community supervision program, 
according to UPI.com

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Jessica
Re: Stuck Hourglass

Dear Webby
I need someone to tell me what I need to do to correct a
computer problem.

When I point mouse arrow at a website, then click,
sometimes it will click onto the little 'hourglass' from the
arrow & won't click back to arrow again.  So, here I sit,
waiting for it to make up it's mind to continue down the
yellow brick road & some times it does but most times
it won't!   The only way I can continue on is to re-boot.
It's becoming a pain in the patoot!  It even does it when I
start typing in the chatroom & after a couple of minutes,
it goes back to normal.  I have noticed it does it more
frequently whenever there is something else going on
behind the scenes - like various updates, etc.  Is there
some thing or some place I can click to try to correct this?
Help!  Help! Help!

Dear Jessica
From what I hear, that is quite common with AOL dial-up 
accounts. It is simply a matter of lack of connection 
speed. 

Sometimes you can gain a bit more speed by using the 
Task Manager (CTRL SHIFT ESC), Processes, to kill your
browser and then restarting it, but for the long run,
the only solution is to get a faster connection to 
the Internet.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Onion Snow from Frozen Onions
When I cook, I love onion but not in large pieces or strips. 
None of the kids I know like them that way either. When the 
Vidalias (my favorite onion) are in season, I buy several. 
I peel, clean and wash them with a quick douse under 
HOT water. Then put them into plastic and freeze them 
whole. The hot water preserves the crunchiness when 
freezing. Ditto with lettuce to go in the fridge, 
it's an old trick my mom taught me.

When I cook, I take one of my whole frozen onions out and 
get out my fine size grater. I hold the onion as long as 
I can and grate a pile of onion snow. It IS cold, so you 
may need to take breaks or use a silicone glove. 

Be sure to use a fine grater. I took the finished product 
here and made onion cakes. I added 1/4 cup flour, 
1 Tbsp. cornmeal, 1 1/2 tsp. baking powder, 3 Tbsp. 
coconut milk and an egg. Mix all, let set 10 minutes, 
then fry like pancakes.

I hope you get a chance to try this and find it helpful. 
The onion snow flavors the meal and no one complains about 
it. ("YUK! Onions!") The food goes down with relish and 
no complaints.

By J'Marinde [2] 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


An old blacksmith realized he was soon going to quit
working so hard.  He picked out a strong young man to
become his apprentice.

 The old fellow was crabby and exacting. "Don't ask me a
lot of questions," he told the boy. "Just do whatever I tell
you to do."

 One day the old blacksmith took an iron out of the forge
and laid it on  the anvil. "Get the hammer over there," he
said. "When I nod my head, hit it real good and hard."

Now the town is looking for a new blacksmith.


The professor of a graduate-school class of gifted students
included a HUGE amount of material on the midterm exam.
Tension in the room built, people were sighing and gasping
aloud as they realized how much material they had covered
and were expected to recall.

The following week, the professor tossed the graded papers
on her desk and announced, "Class, after I left here last
week, the Lord spoke to me.
He said, 'Thanks, professor.  I haven't heard from some of
those people in years.




» Cacti




Today in 
0326 Constantine refused to carry out the traditional 
 pagan sacrifices.
1394 Charles VI of France issued a decree for the general 
 expulsion of Jews from France.
1564 Maximillian II became emperor of the Holy Roman Empire.
1587 Japanese strong-man Hideyoshi banned Christianity in 
 Japan and ordered all Christians to leave.
1593 France's King Henry IV converted from Protestantism 
 to Roman Catholicism.
1759 British forces defeated a French army at Fort Niagara 
 in Canada.
1799 Napoleon Bonaparte defeated the Ottomans at 
 Aboukir, Egypt.
1805 Aaron Burr visited New Orleans with plans to establish 
 a new country, with New Orleans as the capital city.
1845 China granted Belgium equal trading rights with 
 Britain, France and the United States.
1850 Gold was discovered in the Rogue River in OR.
1854 The paper collar was patented by Walter Hunt.
1861 The Crittenden Resolution, which called for the 
 American Civil War to be fought to preserve the Union 
 and not for slavery, was passed by the U.S. Congress.
1866 Ulysses S. Grant was named General of the Army. He 
 was the first American officer to hold the rank.
1871 Seth Wheeler patented perforated wrapping paper.
1907 Korea became a protectorate of Japan.
1909 French aviator Louis Bleriot flew across the English 
 Channel in a monoplane. He traveled from Calais to Dover 
 in 37 minutes. He was the first man to fly across the channel.
1914 Russia declared that it would act to protect Serbian 
 sovereignty.
1924 Greece announced the deportation of 50,000 Armenians.
1941 The U.S. government froze all Japanese and Chinese assets.
1943 Italian Fascist dictator Benito Mussolini was 
 overthrown in a coup.
1946 The U.S. detonated an atomic bomb at Bikini Atoll in the 
 Pacific. It was the first underwater test of the device.
1952 Puerto Rico became a self-governing commonwealth of the U.S.
1978 Louise Joy Brown, the first test-tube baby, was born 
 in Oldham, England. She had been conceived through in-vitro 
 fertilization.
1984 Soviet cosmonaut Svetlana Savitskaya became the first 
 woman to walk in space. She was aboard the orbiting space 
 station Salyut 7.
1994 Israel and Jordan formally ended the state of war that 
 had existed between them since 1948.
1999 Lance Armstrong won the Tour de France. He was only 
 the second American to win the race.
2010 WikiLeaks leaked to the public more than 90,000 internal 
 reports involving the U.S.-led War in Afghanistan 
 from 2004-2010. 
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning,  !

Today is Thursday, July 24

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Woman who tried to shoplift vibrator by hiding 
device behind her child in stroller 
Details at Boneheads

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1987 Hulda Crooks, at 91 years of age, climbed Mt. Fuji. 
 Hulda became the oldest person to climb Japan’s highest peak. 




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





I improve on misquotation.
--- Cary Grant (1904 - 1986) 

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; 
the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.
--- Mary Wilson Little 



Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! 
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I was inspecting communications facilities in Alaska. Since
I had little experience in flying in small planes, I was
nervous when we approached a landing strip in a snow
covered area.  The pilot descended to just a dozen feet,
then gunned both engines, climbed, and circled back.
While my heart pounded, the passenger beside me
seemed calm.

"I wonder why he didn't land," I said.

"He was checking to see if the landing strip was plowed,"
the man said.

As we made a second approach, I glanced out the window.
"It looks plowed to me," I commented.

"No," my seat mate said.  "It hasn't been cleared 
for some time."

"How can you tell?"  I asked.

"Because," the man informed me, "I'm the guy who drives
the plow, and I have been in Hawaii for two weeks."


Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
Boost Computer Speed
Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows®
Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs

Little Tommy had been to a birthday party at a friend's
house. Knowing his sweet tooth, Tommy's mother looked
straight into his eyes and said, "I hope you didn't ask for
a second piece of cake."

"No, but I asked Mrs. Smith for the recipe so you could
make some like it, and she gave me two more pieces
without asking."


Thanks to Dianne for this picture


Click on the picture for the large version
Let's GIT!

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!


Thanks to Walter, the Stonecarver for reporting this:


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Misty Ann Lee, 38, Spartanburg, SC

Woman who tried to shoplift vibrator by hiding 
device behind her child in stroller 

A woman who allegedly tried to steal a vibrator from the 
“love section” of a Spencer’s gift shop in South Carolina 
was foiled when a store employee spotted her stashing 
the device behind her child, who was seated in a stroller, 
police report.

Misty Ann Lee, 38, was nabbed Friday afternoon inside the 
WestGate Mall in Spartanburg, according to a police 
report. She was cited for shoplifting and booked into the 
county jail (from which she was released late Friday 
evening).

A Spencer’s manager told cops that she saw Lee “select 
a vibrator from the love unit” and then move to the 
“t-shirt cube,” where she allegedly slid the item 
“behind a young child in the stroller.” Lee then 
departed the store, worker Dawn Hamilton told 
investigators.

After Lee departed the business, she was stopped by 
Hamilton, who demanded the vibrator. “Ms. Hamilton stated 
Ms. Lee looked like she didn't know what she was talking 
about but eventually she retrieved the merchandise from 
the stroller,” according to a Spartanburg Police Department 
report. With vibrator in hand, Hamilton appeared content 
to let Lee skate. But when Lee subsequently sought to 
reenter Spencer’s, Hamilton decided to notify police.

Lee, seen in the above mug shot, is free on a $2000 
personal recognizance bond. The police report does not 
include the make, model, or retail price of the vibrator.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Jerry
Re: Caps Locked text

Dear Webby
I am editing (pro bono) a local service club monthly 
bulletin and occasionally get a script IN ALL CAPITAL 
LETTERS. I don't mind going through two or three 
paragraphs, but it will take forever to rewrite 
several pages -- not to mention how boring it is.
If anyone knows a shortcut, I figure it is you.
CAN YOU HELP?
Thanx,
Jerry

Dear Jerry
Just send it back to them and tell them that they are giving
AOL a bad name, again. Tell them that there is more to life
than slouching on the couch, a bottle of Southern Comfort
in one hand, and poking a Caps-Locked keyboard with the
typo finger of the other hand.

Jerry, you are not doing them a favor by lowering your
standards to theirs!
Bring them up to YOURS!
He's a poor teacher, who has never been called a meanie.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Auto Sun Shades on Your House Windows
Use windshield sun shades on windows and skylights to 
keep sun out and your living space cooler.

By Marilyn from Duryea, PA 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


A Jewish woman's husband dies. He only had $30,000 to his
name. After everything was done at the funeral home and
cemetery, she tells her closest friend that there is none
of the $30,000 left.

The friend asked, "How can that be?"
The widow replied, "Well, the funeral cost me $6,500. And
of course I made a donation to the shul ..that was $500,
and I spent another $500 for food and drinks for the people
when I was sitting shiva. The rest went for the memorial stone."

Her friend said, "$22,500 for the memorial stone?
My, how big is it?"

The widow said, "Three carats."


Waiting in a long, slow-moving line for security clearance
at the Edmonton International Airport in Canada, I was
annoyed to hear a loud male voice behind me.  "Excuse me,
excuse me," said the man as he pushed his way to the front.
"I want to make sure I get a good seat."

I resolved not to let this line-jumper get ahead of me.
When I felt a tap on my shoulder, I whirled around,
prepared to give the man a tongue-lashing
-- but found myself face to face with a grinning pilot.




» Beaches




Today in 
1847 Mormon leader Brigham Young and his followers arrived 
 in the valley of the Great Salt Lake in present-day Utah.
1847 Richard M. Hoe patented the rotary-type printing press.
1923 The Treaty of Lausanne, which settled the boundaries 
 of modern Turkey, was concluded in Switzerland.
1948 Soviet occupation forces in Germany blockaded West Berlin. 
 The U.S.-British airlift began the following day.
1969 The Apollo 11 astronauts splashed down safely in the 
 Pacific Ocean.
1974 The U.S. Supreme Court unanimously ruled that President 
 Nixon had to turn over subpoenaed White House tape recordings 
 to the Watergate special prosecutor.
1978 Billy Martin was fired for the first of three times as 
 the manager of the New York Yankees baseball team.
1987 Hulda Crooks, at 91 years of age, climbed Mt. Fuji. 
 Hulda became the oldest person to climb Japan’s highest peak. 
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, July 23

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
dope dealer, who fled into a Police Academy
Details at Boneheads

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1984 Miss America, Vanessa Williams, turned in her crown 
 after it had been discovered that nude photos of her had 
 appeared in "Penthouse" magazine. She was the first to 
 resign the title.




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





Of those who say nothing, few are silent.
--- Thomas Neill

Tradition is what you resort to when you don't 
have the time or the money to do it right.
--- Kurt Herbert Alder

All good things in moderation,
including moderation.
-- Socratex



Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! 
(Opens in a new tab, so that you don't lose this page)

 While working at a Pizza Parlor I observed a man ordering
a small pizza  to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook
asked him if he would  like  it cut into 4 pieces or 6.

He though about it for some time before  responding.
"Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry 
enough to  eat 6.


Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
Boost Computer Speed
Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows®
Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs

The boss ordered one of his men to dig a hole eight feet
deep. After the job was completed the boss returned and
explained an error had been made and the hole wouldn't
be needed. "Fill 'er up," he ordered.

The worker did as he'd been told. But he ran into a problem.
He couldn't get all the dirt packed back into the hole
without leaving a mound on top. He went to the office
and explained his problem.

The boss snorted, "Honestly! The kind of help you get
these days! There's obviously only one thing to do. You'll
have to dig that hole deeper!"


Thanks to Dianne for this picture


Click on the picture for the large version
Australia decided to dump their Carbon Tax, since it
is obviously rather presumptious and silly to pretend
that human efforts are in the same league as volcanoes
and forest fires.

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!


Thanks to Walter, the Stonecarver for reporting this:


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Roger Wayne Beasley Jr., 30, BILOXI, Miss. 

Dope dealer, who fled into a Police Academy

 A man who fled from a traffic stop on U.S. 90 unknowingly 
ran into a building where police academy training was 
in session.

Roger Wayne Beasley Jr., 30, apparently was so focused on 
getting away that he didn't notice marked cars parked 
outside the Harrison County Law Enforcement Training Academy 
building on Leggett Drive, Police Chief John Miller said.

An officer had recognized Beasley driving a vehicle Wednesday 
and knew he didn't have a license, Miller said.
Beasley turned on to Chalmers Drive, jumped out of his 
vehicle and ran off, so an officer jumped out of his car and 
ran after him.

"He got to the door and was about to go through," Miller said.
He was outnumbered.

Police arrested Beasley on charges of possession with intent 
to distribute crack cocaine, resisting arrest, no driver's 
license, careless driving, improper lane change, 
resisting arrest and failure to comply.

Beasley was released from the Harrison County jail on bonds 
that total $51,670.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Vi
Re: Nuisance Pop-Up in movies

Dear Webby
Why do I get a small pop up in the middle of a video asking 
me to allow or deny someone to store information on my 
computer? It has no X to delete it and it stays right in 
the middle of the video

Thanks for any help you can suggest. 
GG Vi

Dear Vi
That is from your Adobe Flash Player.
Right-click the thilly Pop-Up
Select Global Settings
and let it have 10 MB or so space for temp files.
After that it will stop being a nuisance.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
No-Blow Picnic Tablecloth
When I was a kid, we picnicked a LOT in the summer. 
My mom got tired of the table cloth blowing up and 
tipping everything, so she began packing a twin-sized 
fitted sheet in the basket. It fit the public tables 
perfectly, and no more blowing tablecloths. In fact, 
she won a similar tip contest with this back in the 
late 50's, but I have not seen it mentioned since then. 

By J'Marinde [2]

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a 
Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head 
of the table was a large pile of apples.
The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: 

"Take only ONE. God is watching."

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other 
end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip 
cookies. A child had written a note, 
"Take all you want. God is watching the apples."


The psychiatrist was interviewing a first-time patient.
"You say you're here," he inquired, "because your family
is worried about your taste in socks?"

"That's correct," muttered the patient. "I like wool socks."

"But that's perfectly normal," replied the doctor. "Many people
prefer wool socks to those made from cotton or acrylic. In fact,
I myself like wool socks."

"You DO?" exclaimed the man. "With oil and vinegar or
just a squeeze of lemon?"




» Pet Suites




Today in 
1715 The first lighthouse in America was authorized for 
 construction at Little Brewster Island, Massachusetts.
1827 The first swimming school in the U.S. opened in 
 Boston, MA.
1829 William Burt patented the typographer, which was 
 the first typewriter.
1877 The first American municipal railroad passenger service 
 began in Cincinnati, Ohio.
1886 Steve Brodie, a New York saloonkeeper, claimed to 
 have made a daredevil plunge from the Brooklyn Bridge into 
 the East River.
1904 The ice cream cone was invented by Charles E. Menches 
 during the Louisiana Purchase Exposition in St. Louis, MO.
1914 Austria-Hungary issued an ultimatum to Serbia to 
 surrender the assassin of Archduke Francis Ferdinand. 
 England turned that into World War I.
1938 The first federal game preserve was approved by the 
 U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service. The area was 2,000 acres 
 in Utah.
1945 The first passenger train observation car was placed 
 in service by the Chicago, Burlington and Quincy Railroad.
1952 Egyptian military officers led by Gamal Abdel Nasser 
 overthrew King Farouk I.
1958 The submarine Nautilus departed from Pearl Harbor, 
 Hawaii, under orders to conduct "Operation Sunshine." 
 The mission was to be the first vessel to cross the north 
 pole by ship. The Nautils achieved that on August 3, 1958.
1962 The "Telstar" communications satellite sent the first 
 live TV broadcast to Europe.
1972 Eddie Merckx of Belgium won his fourth consecutive Tour 
 de France bicycling competition.
1972 The U.S. launched Landsat 1 (ERTS-1). It was the first 
 Earth-resources satellite.
1984 Miss America, Vanessa Williams, turned in her crown 
 after it had been discovered that nude photos of her had 
 appeared in "Penthouse" magazine. She was the first to 
 resign the title.
1986 Britain's Prince Andrew married Sarah Ferguson at 
 Westminster Abbey in London. They divorced in 1996.
1998 U.S. scientists at the University of Hawaii turned 
 out more than 50 "carbon-copy" mice, with a cloning technique.
2000 Lance Armstrong won his second Tour de France. 
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, July 22.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to an
Illinois Bimbo, who posted a selfie 
of her wearing a shoplifted dress on FB
Details at Boneheads

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1926 Babe Ruth caught a baseball at Mitchell Field in 
 New York. The ball had been dropped from an airplane 
 flying at 250 feet.




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
--- William Jennings Bryan (1860 - 1925)

The only correct actions are those that demand no
explanation and no apology.
--- Red Auerbach



Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! 
(Opens in a new tab, so that you don't lose this page)

>From Honey
Married 52 years, I took a look at my wife Julie yesterday and said,
"Honey, 52 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car,
slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV,
but I go to sleep every night with a hot 25 year old chick.

Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma
screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 70+ year old woman. It
seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things."

Now Julie is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out
and find a hot 25 year old chick, and she would make sure that
I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a
cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed.


Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
Boost Computer Speed
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While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand
new tennis ball, and seeing nobody around it might belong
to, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts.

Later, on his way home, he stopped at a pedestrian
crossing, waiting for the lights to change.

A girl standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his
shorts. "What's that?" she asked.

"Tennis ball," came the breathless reply.

"Oh," said the girl sympathetically, "that must be painful,
I had tennis elbow once."


Thanks to Dianne for this picture


Click on the picture for the large version

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Danielle Saxton, 27, West Frankfort, Illinois

Illinois Bimbo, who posted a selfie 
of her wearing a shoplifted dress on FB

Police investigating the theft of clothing and jewelry from 
a southern Illinois boutique say they arrested a woman after 
she posted Facebook photos of herself wearing one of the 
stolen items.

WSIL-TV reports that police arrested 27-year-old Danielle 
Saxton, of West Frankfort, earlier this month on misdemeanor 
retail theft charges. She's free on her own recognizance.

Authorities say a distinctive leopard-print dress was among 
the items stolen July 11 from Mortie's Boutique in West 
Frankfort.

The store's co-owner, Kert Williams, says he posted about 
the stolen items on Facebook and that people who saw 
Williams' posting and those of Saxton made the connection 
and helped police.


The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Alice
Re: Auto responder

Dear Webby
While looking for a certain picture that you had one
day, I came across your diatribe against autroresponders.
At first I was miffed at your reply, that sounded like you
had preached the same thing too many times. Pardon me for
not having been subscribed as long as others.
Then I phoned my daughter, hoping she had a different
explanation.

Well, golly, she didn't. And she had me blacklisted! Not on
purpose, but as you said, anything that smells like an auto-
responder gets dumped and the sender blacklisted.
Now I dumped my autoresponder, and the stupid book that
recommended it.
Thanks
Alice

Dear Alice
Good for you!

Autoresponders are only justified when they deliver requested
information, like for example a price list, or weather update,
or event schedule, or even race results when somebody
sends a blank email to a certain address. Other than that,
it's best to avoid them like the plague.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Fruit Fly Trap
I absolutely hate fruit flies! This trap is very easy to
make and works really well. I always have this trap 
set up on the counter, so an infestation never has a 
chance to take hold. :)

Approximate Time: 5 minutes

Supplies:

red wine vinegar
Dawn dish soap
plastic wrap
rubber band
toothpick
clear jar

Steps:

Put 3-4 drops of Dawn soap into the bottom of the jar.
Pour 6 Tbsp. of red wine vinegar into the jar (or enough 
to fill it about 1/4 in.).
Gently swirl the jar around to combine the ingredients.
Place a piece of plastic wrap over the jar and pull it 
tight across the top. Secure it with a rubber band. 
Trim off any excess plastic.
Using a toothpick, poke holes into the plastic so the 
flies can get in.
Place your trap near any fruit you have out on the 
counter. Goodbye fruit flies!
NOTE: I change out my mixture about every 2 weeks, 
more often if I am catching a lot of fruit flies.

By lalala... [465] 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


A couple just started their Lamaze class and they were given
an activity requiring the husband to wear a bag of sand - to
give him an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant.

The husband stood up and shrugged saying, "This doesn't
feel so bad."

The instructor then dropped a pen and asked the husband to
pick it up.

"You want me to pick up the pen as if I were pregnant, the
way my wife would do it?" the husband asked.

"Exactly," replied the instructor.

To the delight of the other husbands, he turned to his wife
and said,
"Honey, pick up that pen for me."


From Sandie:

Phone companies charge up to $1.35 for"411 Information"
calls, but you really don't have to pay that.

When you need to use the 411 Information option, simply dial
1-800-FREE-411 or 1 800 373 3411 and you will not be
charge for it.
Works on home phones and on cell phones as well
Sandie




» She Sells Seashells by the Seashore




Today in 
1376 The legend of the Pied Piper of Hamelin leading rats 
 out of town is said to have occurred on this date.
1587 A second English colony was established on Roanoke 
 Island off North Carolina. The colony vanished under 
 mysterious circumstances.
1796 Cleveland was founded by General Moses Cleaveland.
1798 The USS Constitution was underway and out to sea for 
 the first time since being launched on October 21, 1797.
1812 English troops under the Duke of Wellington defeated 
 the French at the Battle of Salamanca in Spain.
1926 Babe Ruth caught a baseball at Mitchell Field in 
 New York. The ball had been dropped from an airplane 
 flying at 250 feet.
1933 Wiley Post ended his around-the-world flight. He 
 had traveled 15,596 miles in 7 days, 18 hours and 45 min.
1943 American forces led by General George S. Patton 
 captured Palermo, Sicily.
1941 Plans for the Pentagon were presented to the House 
 Subcommittee on Appropriations.
1975 Confederate General Robert E. Lee had his U.S. 
 citizenship restored by the U.S. Congress.
1987 The U.S. began its policy of escorting re-flagged 
 Kuwaiti tankers up and down the Persian Gulf to protect them 
 from possible attack by Iran.
1998 Iran tested medium-range missile, capable of reaching 
 Israel or Saudi Arabia.
2000 Astronomers at the University of Arizona announced that 
 they had found a 17th moon orbiting Jupiter.
2003 In northern Iraq, Saddam Hussein's sons Odai and Qusai 
 died after a gunfight with U.S. forces.
2003 In Paris, France, a fire broke out near the top of the 
 Eiffel Tower. About 4,000 visitors were evacuated and no 
 injuries were reported.
2009 The longest total solar eclipse of the 21st century, 
 lasting up to 6 minutes and 38.8 seconds, occurred over 
 parts of Asia and the Pacific Ocean.
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, July 21.

Dr Bill and Jim, HMCM USN RET
figured out the age of the bus driver.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
teacher who threatened to fail a student if
he stopped providing sex to her.
Details at Boneheads

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1959 A U.S. District Court judge in New York City ruled 
 that "Lady Chatterley’s Lover" was not a dirty book.




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





A man can stand anything except a succession of ordinary days.
--- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832)

Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't 
have to do it himself.
--- A. H. Weiler (1909 - 2002)



Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! 
(Opens in a new tab, so that you don't lose this page)

'Twas in a restaurant they first met,
Romeo and Juliet.
'Twas there that he got into debt,
'Cause he owed what Juli ate.'


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An Irishman and an American were sitting in the
bar at Shannon Airport.

"I've come to meet my brother," said the Irishman.
"He's due to fly in from America in an hour's time.
It's his first trip home in forty years".

"Will you be able to recognize him?" asked the American.

"I'm sure I won't," said the Irishman, "after all,
he's been away for a long time".

"I wonder if he'll recognize you?" said the American.

"Of course he will," said the Irishman.
"I haven't been away at all".


Thanks to Janina for this picture


Click on the picture for the large version
I often share my fruit pits, skins and seeds with 
my backyard visitors.  Here's my recent photo of a 
chipmunk enjoying a little nectarine.  
Hope you like my photo too. 
take care,
Janina

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Danielle Watkins, 32, Norwalk, CT

Female teacher accused of using 
grade threat for sex

A Stamford High School English teacher is accused of 
threatening to fail a student if he broke off their 
sexual relationship.

Danielle Watkins of Norwalk turned herself in to police 
Thursday. She is charged with sexual assault, sale of 
marijuana and risk of injury to a minor.

Police say the 18-year-old student came to them in June 
and described how the 32-year-old teacher had provided him 
with drugs and sex since last September. Police say she also 
gave marijuana to a 15-year-old.

The Stamford Advocate reported that the victim allegedly 
told police he had encounters in her car and during school 
hours. A forensic examination of her phone reportedly 
revealed 2,000 text messages and naked pictures of herself 
sent to the student. 

Police say they recovered 2,000 text messages, including 
nude photos sent to the teen's phone.

Watkins posted $100,000 bond and is due in state Superior 
Court in Stamford on July 31. 

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Eleanor
Re: Icon size in Windows 7

Dear Webby
For some unknown and mysterious reason my icons on the W7
desktop are really tiny, and Microsoft has no help about 
that anywhere. Do I have to buy a program to change that
like theyb do on W8, or do you have a sneaky trick to fix
that?
Thanks
Eleanor

Dear Eleanor
Click on an empty spot on your desktop.
Hold down the CTRL key
Scroll the mouse wheel away from you, GENTLY!

Don't get too carried away with that, 
or you will scroll icons right off the screen.
If you do that, Windows usually looses them.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Using Coffee Grounds to Remove Odors
Here's a great way to use coffee grounds once you have made 
coffee. Dump your used coffee grounds into a container and 
keep, open, in the refrigerator. The used grounds make your 
fridge smell like coffee and absorbs all the unwanted odors 
at the same time. 

When the container gets full, dump them around your azaleas. 
They have just what it takes to perk them up and get them 
going again, make a nice, rich looking mulch, and hold some 
moisture for the plants as well. The best fact of all is 
that they repel mosquitoes at the same time and are 
biodegradable while enriching your soil. So, go have a nice, 
hot cuppa coffee and start going green!

Source: A friend told me about this. I tried it, and it 
does all the things listed above!

By Jacketbacker from Greer, SC 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


A Protestant moved into a completely Catholic community.
Being good Catholics they welcomed him into their community.
But, also because they were good Catholics they did not eat
red meat on Fridays. So when their neighbor began barbecuing
some juicy steak on Friday night, they began to squirm.

They were so annoyed that they went to talk to him about it.
After much talk they convinced him to become Catholic.
The next Sunday he went to the priest and the priest sprinkled
holy water on him and said,

"You were born Protestant. You were raised Protestant.
But now you are Catholic."

And so, the next Friday, as the neighbors sat down to eat their
fish, they were disturbed by the smell of roast beef coming from
the neighboring house. They went over to talk to the new Catholic
because he knew he was not supposed to eat beef on Fridays.
When they saw him, he was sprinkling ketchup on the beef
saying,
"You were born a cow. You were raised a cow.
But now you are a fish."

---------------
Ketchup on steak? Barbaric heathen !


"More Americans can name the three stooges than the three   
branches of government. Well, that's because the three   
stooges are more likely to get something done."   
--- David Letterman   




» Corkscrews




Today in 
1831 Belgium became independent as Leopold I was proclaimed 
 King of the Belgians.
1861 The first major battle of the U.S. Civil War began. It 
 was the Battle of Bull Run at Manassas Junction, VA. The 
 Confederates won the battle.
1925 The "Monkey Trial" ended in Dayton, TN. John T. Scopes 
 was convicted of violating the state law for teaching Darwin's 
 theory of evolution. The conviction was later overturned.
1940 Lithuania, Estonia, and Latvia were annexed by the 
 Soviet Union.
1944 American forces landed on Guam during World War II.
1949 The U.S. Senate ratified the North Atlantic Treaty.
1954 The Geneva Conference partitioned Vietnam into 
 North Vietnam and South Vietnam.
1959 A U.S. District Court judge in New York City ruled 
 that "Lady Chatterley’s Lover" was not a dirty book.
1968 Arnold Palmer became the first golfer to make a 
 million dollars in career earnings after he tied for 
 second place at the PGA Championship.
1997 The U.S.S. Constitution, which defended the 
 United States during the War of 1812, set sail under its 
 own power for the first time in 116 years.
2002 WorldCom Inc. filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection. 
 At the time it was the largest bankruptcy in U.S. history.
2004 White House officials were briefed on the September 11 
 commission's final report. The 575-page report concluded 
 that hijackers exploited "deep institutional failings within 
 our government." 
2007 The seventh and last book of the Harry Potter series, 
 "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows," was released.
2011 Space Shuttle Atlantis landed at Kennedy Space Center 
 in Florida. It was the last flight of NASA's space 
 shuttle program. 
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, July 20.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida teen who abused a minor and
got tenderized by the father.
Details at Boneheads

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1969 Apollo 11 astronauts Neil Armstrong and 
 Edwin E. Aldrin, Jr.  became the first men to 
 walk on the moon.




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





It is easier to forgive an enemy 
than to forgive a friend.
--- William Blake (1757 - 1827) 



Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! 
(Opens in a new tab, so that you don't lose this page)

A little boy walked up to the librarian to check out a book   
entitled "COMPREHENSIVE GUIDE FOR MOTHERS."   

When the librarian asked him if it was for his mother, he   
answered 'no.'   

"Then why are you checking it out?"   

"Because," said the little boy confidently, "I just started   
collecting moths last month!"  


Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
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A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon. "How
do you know what to  say?" he asked.

"God tells me."

"Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?"


Thanks to Dianne for this picture


Click on the picture for the large version

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Raymond Frolander, 18, Daytona Beach, Florida

Dad's 911 call: I've beaten up 
my son's assailant 

A father in Daytona Beach, Florida, called 911 early Friday 
morning to report that when he found someone sexually 
abusing his 11-year-old son, he beat the assailant 
until he was "nice and knocked out" for police to 
apprehend.

So far, the father is not facing any charges.
CNN affiliate CFN 13 asked Daytona Beach Police Chief 
Michael Chitwood whether he had any issue with the 
father's reaction Friday.
Chitwood responded, "Not as a police chief and not 
as a father."

The father's identity and that of his son were not 
released to protect the identity of the minor as an 
alleged sexual abuse victim.

The father, who sounds collected but enraged during the 
911 call, told Volusia County emergency dispatch that 
18-year-old Raymond Frolander was close to the family 
and was in the apartment while the father was out.

The father says that when he got home, the look on 
Frolander's face made him think something was wrong. 
The father says Frolander's pants fell down to his ankles 
"and nothing else needed to be said" when he saw 
exposed genitals.

According to the charging affivadit, the 11-year-old 
victim told authorities that Frolander had performed 
oral sex on him and instructed the boy to fondle him. 
The document says the boy told authorities that Frolander 
began abusing him a few years ago. It also says Frolander 
told police, "I'm guilty."

When the 911 dispatcher asked the father whether he used 
weapons to knock out Frolander, the father told the 
dispatcher, "my fist and my foot."

The father explained that Frolander was breathing, but not 
speaking, "in a puddle of blood" on the floor "and I loved 
him up until 15 minutes ago."

At times, the dad is heard talking to the suspect, at one 
point saying, "You are damn lucky, boy, that I love my God."

When Daytona Beach police officers arrived, according to 
the charging affidavit, they saw Frolander "laying motionless 
on the living room floor with several knots on his face and 
bleeding from his mouth." He was treated and released from 
a hospital before he was questioned.

Frolander faces a charge of sexual battery of a child and 
was in the Volusia County Jail late Friday. He had no bond.

Chitwood said that the 18-year-old was like a family member 
to the boy, "and the father acted as a father should act."
Chitwood told CFN 13 that it's not unusual for young 
victims to be afraid to report sexual abuse because they 
feel threatened or fear that they will get in trouble.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Patti
Re: Alternating Highspeed accounts

Dear Webby
My computer is for fun and a bit of research and after 5 years
I've decided it's time to get off dial up. My problem: 6 months
in Michigan, 6 months in Arizona. I've looked and looked at
high speed providers and can't find one that will work between
the two areas and also while I'm on the road. My present provider,
Corecomm, works in all three areas but wow, it's getting slower
and slower.

You have to realize this "olde" gal is slowly coming into the next
century, but good grief, there is so much technology to learn and
small town living doesn't offer much help Can you offer any advice??

Having a lot of fun,
Patti

Dear Patti
Call Corecom 1-877-267-3266 Customer Service
or Tech support 1-800-715-7873 and complain about the 
lack of speed. Most ISPs gradually reduce your 
connection and give your bandwidth to those, who complain. 

You have to wait until Monday. 
They have nobody there on the weekend. 

You can, at the same time inquire how much their DSL would be.

While on the road, you'll just have to go to hotels and motels
that have high speed. As a rule of thumb, 3-star have wired 
Internet or free local dial-out, 
4 star and up have wireless high speed Internet.

Most McDonalds have wireless Internet, and once you have 
the password and the connection, you can usually take a
not quite closed laptop out into the parking lot. 

Regarding the migration, you can also call Earthlink and ask 
them if they still have a Snowbird Special.

Get the phone numbers for both locations ready before you call.
They do have a fairly straightforward method for relocating, but best
is if you talk to them.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Bag Balm for Chapped Skin Relief
Buy Bag Balm, in the green tin. It was made for farm 
animals and has an antiseptic in it for healing cracks and 
dry skin. Do not use on lips or get into private parts 
or eyes. 

Take a bath,dry off, scrub off dry skin, and rub small 
amount into skin. If using on feet, put on socks. I have 
given the 1 oz. tins for Christmas for years and have 
converted all my friends to loyal users.

Go online or to your vet or feed and seed store, some 
drug stores also carry it. Have beautiful feet, elbows, 
and no flaking - thanks to Bag Balm. 

By Carol T. [1] 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


In the admitting office of our hospital, some patients were 
filling out forms, others were being interviewed and still 
others were being escorted to their rooms.

An elderly woman hesitatnly entered my cubicle.  She had 
completed her admitting forms and, upon my request, handed 
me her insurance cards.  I typed the neccessary information 
and then asked her the reason for her coming to the hospital.

"Just to visit a friend," she said, "but this had taken 
so long, I'm not sure if she is still alive."


You're driving a bus that is leaving from Pennsylvania and
ending in New York.  To start off with,
there were 32 passengers on the bus.
At the next bus stop, 11 people get off and 9 people get on.
At the next bus stop, 2 people got off and 2 people got on.
At the next bus stop, 12 people got on and 16 people got off.
At the next bus stop, 5 people got on and 3 people got off.
How old is the bus driver?
---------------
Answer tomorrow.




» for all Aviary Affectionados, The Painted Bunting




Today in 
1801 A 1,235 pound cheese ball was pressed at the farm of 
 Elisha Brown, Jr. The ball of cheese was later loaded on 
 a horse-pulled wagon and presented to U.S. President 
 Thomas Jefferson at the White House.
1810 Colombia declared independence from Spain.
1868 Legislation that ordered U.S. tax stamps to be placed 
 on all cigarette packs was passed.
1871 British Columbia joined Confederation as a Canadian 
 province.
1881 Sioux Indian leader Sitting Bull, a fugitive since the 
 Battle of the Little Big Horn, surrendered to federal 
 troops. (Montana)
1908 In the United States, the Sullivan Ordinance bars women 
 from smoking in public facilities.
1917 The draft lottery in World War I went into operation.
1942 The first detachment of the Women's Army Auxiliary Corps, 
 (WACS) began basic training at Fort Des Moines, Iowa.
1944 An attempt by a group of German officials to assassinate 
 Adolf Hitler failed. The bomb exploded at Hitler's Rastenburg 
 headquarters. Hitler was only wounded.
1944 U.S. President Roosevelt was nominated for an 
 unprecedented fourth term of office at the 
 Democratic National Convention in Chicago.
1969 Apollo 11 astronauts Neil Armstrong and 
 Edwin E. Aldrin, Jr. became the first men to walk 
 on the moon.
1974 Turkish forces invaded Cyprus.
1976 America's Viking I robot spacecraft made a successful 
 landing on Mars.
1982 U.S. President Ronald Reagan pulled the U.S. out of 
 comprehensive test ban negotiations indefinitely.
1985 Treasure hunters began raising $400 million in coins and 
 silver from the Spanish galleon "Nuestra Senora de Atocha." 
 The ship sank in 1622 40 miles of the coast of Key West, FL.
1992 Vaclav Havel, the playwright who led the Velvet 
 Revolution against communism, stepped down as president 
 of Czechoslovakia.
1998 Russia won a $11.2 billion loan from the International 
 Monetary Fund to help avert the devaluation of its currency.
2003 In India, elephants used for commercial work began 
 wearing reflectors to avoid being hit by cars during 
 night work.
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning,  !

Today is Saturday, July 19.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Cleveland Woman Poses For 
Kissable Duck Face Mug Shot
Details at Boneheads

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1848 The Women's Rights Convention took place in 
 Seneca Fall, NY. Bloomers were introduced at the 
 convention.




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





Get the facts, or the facts will get you. 
And when you get them, get them right, 
or they will get you wrong.
--- Dr. Thomas Fuller (1654 - 1734)

Today you can go to a gas station and find the cash 
register open and the toilets locked. They must think 
toilet paper is worth more than money.
--- Joey Bishop (1918 - ) 

"When I was a kid, I said to my father one afternoon, 
'Daddy, will you take me to the zoo?' 
He answered, 'If the zoo wants you, 
let them come and get you.'"
--- Jerry Lewis 



Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! 
(Opens in a new tab, so that you don't lose this page)

A clergyman walking down a country lane and sees a young 
farmer struggling to load hay back onto a cart after it 
had fallen off.

"You look hot, my son," said the cleric. "why don't you 
rest a moment, and I'll give you a hand."

"No thanks," said the young man.
"My father wouldn't like it."

"Don't be silly," the minister said.
"Everyone is entitled to a break. Come and have a 
drink of water."

Again the young man protested that his father 
would be upset. Losing his patience, the clergyman said, 
"Your father must be a real slave driver. Tell me where 
I can find him and I'll give him a piece of my mind!"

"Well," replied the young farmer, 
"he's under the load of hay."


Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
Boost Computer Speed
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When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from
his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed
with delight and headed for the nearest sink.

I was not so pleased. I turned to mom and said,
"I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to
drive you crazy with water guns?"
Mom smiled and then replied, "I remember!!"


Thanks to Dianne for this picture


Click on the picture for the large version
GMO? Silk? Plastic? Photoshop?

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Angela Green, 

Cleveland Woman Poses For 
Kissable Duck Face Mug Shot

The duck-faced Cleveland woman was arrested Saturday and 
charged with obstructing official business after refusing 
to vacate a Quality Inn hotel room she and a male 
companion had rented the previous evening.

When officers from the Wickliffe Police Department told 
her and her friend they needed to leave or pay for 
another day, Green, 34, allegedly became “loud and 
uncooperative and refused to identify herself” to cops.

After a brief struggle, Green was arrested and 
transported to jail where she posed for the above mug shot 
before being released on $354 bond. She is scheduled for 
arraignment in Willoughby Municipal Court on July 24.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Ollie
Re: Pictures have a weird tint

Dear Webby
The last 15 pictures that I took, all have a weird tint and
less light than I expected. What could be the cause of that?
Ollie

Dear Ollie
Most likely you or somebody turned the main selector wheel
on the camera from Auto to Macro or some other unsuitable
setting. Put it back to Auto, and the camera will be 
fine again. 
Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Pill Bottles for Transporting Salad Dressing
I take lunch to work daily. I use the empty and cleared 
pill bottles to carry my salad dressing. Then, no 
soggy salad and the size is perfect for the correct 
amount of dressing without drowning the salad

By karendewillers [1] 

Sporting goods and camping supply stores have
"toothpaste tube" style refillable plastic tubes.
Like mayonaise, salad dressing has a really low
PH to kill bacteria on contact. You can fill a 
few tubes with your different dressings and not worry
about the dressing going bad. Just mark each tube
with a different color Mark-All. The type of plastic
used for those tubes sheds the paint with use, but
the screw-on caps take regular paint.

The tubes are opened at the bottom for refilling and
closed with a sliding clamp.
They work fine for jam too, or mustard or relish or
anything wet or gooey, and are a lot easier for 
dispensing precise amounts than anything else. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


It was very crowded at the supermarket, and the customer in
front of me had a large order. As the harried-looking clerk
lifted the final bag for her, its bottom gave way, sending
the contents crashing to the floor. "They just don't make
these bags like they used to," the clerk blurted to the
customer. "That was supposed to happen in your driveway!"


>From Hilda
As my five-year-old son and I were headed to McDonald's one   
day, we passed a car accident. Usually when we see something   
terrible like that, we say a prayer for those who might be   
hurt, so I pointed and said to my son, "We should pray."   

From the back seat I heard his earnest request: "Please,   
God, don't let those cars block the entrance to McDonald's."   




» H2O




Today in 
1525 The Catholic princes of Germany formed the Dessau 
 League to fight against the Reformation.
1553 Fifteen-year-old Lady Jane Grey was deposed as 
 Queen of England after claiming the crown for nine days. 
 Mary, the daughter of King Henry VIII, was proclaimed Queen.
1788 Prices plunged on the Paris stock market.
1799 The Rosetta Stone, a tablet with hieroglyphic 
 translations into Greek, was found in Egypt.
1848 The Women's Rights Convention took place in 
 Seneca Fall, NY. Bloomers were introduced at the 
 convention.
1870 France declared war on Prussia.
1939 Dr. Roy P. Scholz became the first surgeon to 
 use fiberglass sutures.
1942 German U-boats were withdrawn from positions 
off the U.S. Atlantic coast due to effective American 
 anti-submarine countermeasures.
1943 During World War II, more than 150 B-17 and 
 112 B-24 bombers attacked Rome for the first time.
1946 Marilyn Monroe acted in her first screen test.
1975 The Apollo and Soyuz spacecrafts separated after 
 being linked in orbit for two days.
1979 In Nicaragua, the dictatorship of the Somozas 
 was overthrown by the Sandinista National Liberation 
 Front (Frente Sandinista de Liberación Nacional or FSLN).
1982 The U.S. Census Bureau reported that 14% of the 
 population had an income below the official poverty 
 level in 1981.
1984 Geraldine Ferraro was nominated by the Democratic 
 Party to become the first woman from a major political 
 party to run for the office of U.S. Vice-President.
1985 Christa McAuliffe of New Hampshire was chosen to be 
 the first schoolteacher to ride aboard the space shuttle. 
 She died with six others when the Challenger exploded 
 the following year. 
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, July 18.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to
a Kentucky jail inmate, who ordered pizza for the cops
Details at Boneheads

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1942 The German Me-262, the first jet-propelled aircraft to 
 fly in combat, made its first flight.




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





Part of being sane, is being a little bit crazy.
--- Janet Long  



Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! 
(Opens in a new tab, so that you don't lose this page)

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying
attention in class.
She called on him and said,
"Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?"

Little Johnny quickly! replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the
Cartoon Network!"


Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
Boost Computer Speed
Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows®
Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs

I was in my car one day listening to a guy on the radio   
help callers with their home problems. One woman called up   
hysterical after finding a skunk in her basement.   

"Leave a trail of breadcrumbs or cat food from your basement   
to your backyard," suggested the show's host. 
"That'll get rid of it."   

An hour later the woman called back, even more upset. 
"Now I have THREE skunks in my basement!"   


Thanks to Barb for this picture from her garden


Click on the picture for the large version
Echeverie

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Michael Harp, 29, Corbin, Kentucky

Pizza Prank Pulled From Kentucky Jail Cell

JULY 17--Already in police custody, a Kentucky man decided 
it was the perfect time to prank the police officer who 
had arrested him for shoplifting and public intoxication, 
investigators allege.
Michael Harp, 29, was collared Tuesday afternoon and locked 
up at the police station in Corbin, a city in the state’s 
southeastern corner. While behind bars, Harp asked for 
permission to use his cell phone, a request that was 
granted.

Shortly after Harp made a call, a Domino’s delivery worker 
arrived at the precinct with five pepperoni pizzas that 
had been purportedly ordered by Captain Coy Wilson, the 
cop who had earlier arrested Harp.

Since Wilson was on the phone when the order arrived, 
patrolman Jeff Hill--unaware that a prank had been played--
went ahead and paid $40 for the pizzas, according to a 
criminal citation.

Not amused by the pizza prank, officers launched an 
investigation and quickly linked the pizza order to 
Harp’s phone. A Domino’s worker told cops that, after 
receiving the order, they placed a confirmation call 
to the number. Police allege that Harp “answered as 
Captain Wilson” when he spoke to the Domino’s employee.

The Kentuckian, who had originally faced only 
misdemeanor counts, was hit with three additional charges, 
including felony identity theft and impersonating a police 
officer counts. Harp, who denies the pizza prank, has 
bonded out of the Whitley County Detention Center.

The police citation does not reveal if the five pepperoni 
pizzas were booked into evidence or subsequently 
disposed of by officers on duty.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Alex
Re: Forged address

Dear Webby
I get all kinds of mail that has my address
forged into the sender address. Since I DO send mail
to myself as a fast way to record and file notes, I can't
block my own address and spam gets through the same
way. How do I filter forged addresses?
Alex

Dear Alex
You will notice that spammers usually use some name other
than yours, just your address. Put your name into the sender 
name field. All email programs have a way of doing that, 
even OE. Then make a filter that IF
the Sender address contains alex234@domain.com
AND
the sender address does NOT contain "Alex P"
then dump the mail automatically, don't even list it.

If your address has been assigned and contains your entire
first and last name, then make the sender name slightly
different, for example by adding a middle initial. If the 
incoming mail does not have that initial, it gets dumped.

To make filters, that use Boolean logic like IF, BUT NOT, 
you need MailWasher.
 
Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Butterfly Net As Bug Catcher
No photo, but a great tip. Use a dollar store 
butterfly net to cover the bug, then use your shoe. 
No bug spray needed.

By Peggy Caligione D. [2] 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


The two most important things to the American female 
are man’s prevention of nuclear war and man’s putting 
the toilet seat down.


Mothers who have experience in the trenches of family warfare 
are sometimes even driven to what I call anticipatory parenting. 
They ask a child a question, he tries to answer, and they say, 
“You shut up! When I ask you a question, you keep your mouth shut! 
You think I'm talking to hear myself talk? Answer me!”




» Wrecked Cars




Today in 
0064 The Great Fire of Rome began.
1536 The authority of the pope was declared void in England.
1789 Robespierre, a deputy from Arras, France, decided to 
 back the French Revolution.
1812 Great Britain signed the Treaty of Orebro, making peace 
 with Russia and Sweden.
1830 Uruguay adopted a liberal constitution.
1872 The Ballot Act was passed in Great Britain, providing 
 for secret election ballots.
1914 Six planes of the U.S. Army helped to form an aviation 
 division called the Signal Corps.
1932 The U.S. and Canada signed a treaty to develop the 
 St. Lawrence Seaway.
1935 Ethiopian King Haile Selassie urged his countrymen to 
 fight to the last man against the invading Italian army.
1936 The first Oscar Meyer Wienermobile rolled out of 
 General Body Company’s factory in Chicago, IL.
1936 The Spanish Civil War began as Gen. Francisco Franco 
 led an uprising of army troops based in Spanish North Africa.
1942 The German Me-262, the first jet-propelled aircraft to 
 fly in combat, made its first flight.
1944 U.S. troops captured Saint-Lo, France, ending the 
 battle of the hedgerows.
1944 Hideki Tojo was removed as Japanese premier and war 
 minister due to setbacks suffered by his country in WW II.
1971 New Zealand and Australia announced they would pull 
 their troops out of Vietnam.
2001 A train derailed, involving 60 cars, in a Baltimore 
 train tunnel. The fire that resulted lasted for six days 
 and virtually closed down downtown Baltimore for several 
 days. (Maryland) 
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning,  !

Today is Thursday, July 17

Thanks Cathi!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to
A Florida husband who battered wife on Jet Ski 
Details at Boneheads

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1997 After 117 years, the Woolworth Corp. closed its 
 last 400 stores.




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





A man can be happy with any woman as long as he does not love her.
--- Wilde (1854 - 1900) 

Treat people as they are, and they will remain that way.
Treat them as they can be and you help them become what
they are capable of becoming.
--- Goethe




Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! 
(Opens in a new tab, so that you don't lose this page)

A couple had two little boys ages 8 and 10, who were
excessively mischievous. They were always getting into
trouble and their parents knew that if any mischief
occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved.

The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been
successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would
speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed but asked to see
them individually. So the mother sent her 8-year-old first,
in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in
the afternoon.

The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the
younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?"

They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response,
sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed. So the
clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone,
"Where is God!!?"
Again the boy made no attempt to answer. So the clergyman
raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's
face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?"

The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home
and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his
older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG
trouble this time, dude. God is missing - and they think WE did
it!"


Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
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My next-door neighbor and I frequently borrow things from   
each other. Not long ago, when I requested his ladder, he   
told me he had lent it to his son. Recalling a saying my   
grandmother used to repeat, I recited, "You should never   
lend anything to your kids, because you will never get it   
back."   

With that, he responded, "Tell you the truth, it's not even   
my ladder. It's my dad's."   


Thanks to Bill for sending this picture!


Click on the picture for the large version

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Michael Doster, 49

A Florida husband who battered 
wife on Jet Ski 

JULY 15--While out jet skiing Sunday afternoon, a married 
couple got into an argument that turned violent because 
the woman saw her husband and another male “involved in 
a sex act together,” according to investigators.

The confrontation between Michael Doster, 49, and his 
spouse of two years resulted in Doster’s arrest for 
domestic battery. He was released from a Florida jail 
today after posting $5000 bond on the felony count.

As detailed in a Manatee County Sheriff’s Office report, 
Doster and his wife Pamela were on a Sea-Doo jet ski 
near the Passage Key sandbar at the mouth of Tampa Bay 
when they began quarreling. Pamela, a deputy noted, 
brought up the fact that she “saw the defendant and 
another unknown male involved in a sex act together.”

While not specifying when or where this alleged sex 
act occurred, the cop noted that Pamela reported it 
involved “giving each other a blow job.”

Doster, who was driving the Sea-Doo, allegedly yanked 
his wife off the jet ski several times, according to 
the report. “During the last time she was pulled off 
she hit her head against the side of the jet ski” 
and refused to get back on the watercraft. Instead, 
she repaired to the sandbar “and refused to answer 
his call outs.”

When Doster could not locate his wife, he called 911. 
Pamela, naked except for a life jacket, was subsequently 
found on the sandbar and transported to safety by 
rescue workers. A deputy noted that she had a “bruise/bump” 
on her head, a bruise on her biceps, and a “large swollen 
area to her left hip area.” She was transported to a local 
hospital for treatment.

Both Doster and his wife were intoxicated, a deputy 
reported. 

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Daniel
Re: Javascript

Dear Webby,
do i need javascript if i have sun java installed already?
thanks,
daniel

Dear Daniel
You don't install Javascript.
Javascript is on web pages, using the SUN Java that you
already have installed.

You can allow or disallow the use of javascript in your
browser's Internet Options. If you don't allow it, a lot of
pages won't work right.

Javascript has been around for a long time. I used to build
shopping carts with it a dozen years ago. Even today,
most banking and shopping pages won't work right if you
don't allow scripting.
 
Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Prescription Bottle Auto Air Freshener
I had my husband drill several small holes in the 
lid. Then I stuffed cotton balls inside and poured 
scented oils in it. It doesn't leak. I put them in 
my vehicle to make it smell good.

By michele [6] 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


Thanks to Sandie for this story:
A woman joined a health spa and on her first day, she
eagerly joined in on an exercise class.

However, when it ended, she went to the front desk and
requested cancellation of her membership.

When asked why, she replied, "Your floors are so low,
I cannot touch my toes!"


Classic!
A simple lesson illustrating the difference between the two
parties. Fred Thompson and Hillary were walking down the
street when they came to a homeless person.

The Republican, Fred Thompson, gave the homeless person
his business card and told him to come to his office for a job.
He then took $20 out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless
person.

Hillary was very impressed, so when they came to another
homeless person, she decided to help. She walked over to
the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare
office.

She then reached into Thompson's pocket and got out $20.
She kept $19 for her administrative fees and gave the
homeless person $1.




» Tricky Critters




Today in 
1212 The Moslems were crushed in the Spanish crusade.
1453 France defeated England at Castillon, France, which 
 ended the 100 Years' War.
1785 France limited the importation of goods from Britain.
1815 Napoleon Bonaparte surrendered to the British at 
 Rochefort, France.
1821 Spain ceded Florida to the U.S.
1866 Authorization was given to build a tunnel beneath the 
Chicago River. The three-year project cost $512,709.
1898 U.S. troops under General William R. Shafter took 
 Santiago de Cuba during the Spanish-American War.
1917 The British royal family adopted the Windsor name.
1941 Brigadier General Soervell directed Architect G. Edwin 
 Bergstrom to have basic plans and architectural perspectives 
 for an office building that could house 40,000 War Department 
 employees on his desk by the following Monday morning. The 
 building became known as the Pentagon.
1946 Chinese communists opened a drive against the Nationalist 
 army on the Yangtze River.
1955 Disneyland opened in Anaheim, CA.
1960 Francis Gary Powers pled guilty to spying charges in a 
 Moscow court after his U-2 spy plane was shot down over 
 the Soviet Union.
1966 Ho Chi Minh ordered a partial mobilization of North 
 Vietnam forces to defend against American air strikes.
1975 An Apollo spaceship docked with a Soyuz spacecraft 
 in orbit. It was the first link up between the U.S. and 
 Soviet Union.
1979 Nicaraguan President Anastasio Somoza resigned and 
 fled to Miami in exile. (Florida)
1986 The largest bankruptcy filing in U.S. history took 
 place when LTV Corporation asked for court protection 
 from more than 20,000 creditors. LTV Corp. had debts 
 in excess of $4 billion.
1997 After 117 years, the Woolworth Corp. closed its 
 last 400 stores.
1998 Biologists reported that they had deciphered the 
genome (genetic map) of the syphilis bacterium.
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, July 16

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to
Married Teachers Accused Of Sexually 
Abusing 15-year-old Girl
Details at Boneheads

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
2005 J.K. Rowling's book "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood 
 Prince" was released. It was the sixth in the Harry Potter 
 series. The book sold 6.9 million copies on its first day 
 of release.




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





There's no point in being grown up 
if you can't be childish sometimes.
--- Doctor Who



Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! 
(Opens in a new tab, so that you don't lose this page)

Letter from camp
Dear Mom,

Our Scoutmaster told us all to write to our parents in case you
saw the flood on TV and worried.  We are OK.  Only one of our
tents and two sleeping bags got washed away.  Luckily, none of us
got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for
Chad when it happened.

Oh yes, please call Chad's mother and tell her that he's OK.  He
can't write because of the cast. I got to ride on one of the
search and rescue jeeps. It was neat. We never would have found
him in the dark if it hadn't been for the lightning.

Scoutmaster Webb got mad at Chad for going on a hike alone
without telling anyone.  Chad said he did tell him, but it was
during the fire so he probably didn't hear him.

Did you know that if you put a gas can on a fire, the gas can
will blow up?  Billy is going to look weird until his hair grows
back.

We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Webb gets the car
fixed. It wasn't his fault about the wreck.  The brakes worked OK
when we left. Scoutmaster Webb said that with a car that old you
to have to expect something to break down; that's probably why he
can't get insurance on it. We think it's a neat car.  He doesn't
care if we get it dirty, and if it's hot, sometimes he lets us
ride in the tailgate. It gets pretty hot with ten people in a
car.

Scoutmaster Webb is a neat guy. Don't worry, he is a good driver.
  In fact, he is teaching Terry how to drive. But he only lets him
drive on the mountain roads where there isn't any traffic. All we
ever see up there are logging trucks.

Guess what?  We have all passed our first aid merit badges. When
Dave dove in the lake and cut his arm, we got to see how a
tourniquet works.

Also, Wade and I threw up.  Scoutmaster Webb said it probably was
just food poisoning from  the leftover chicken. He said they got
sick that way with the food they ate in prison.

I'm so glad he got out and became our scoutmaster. He said he
sure figured out how to get things done better while he was doing
his time.

I have to go now. We are going into town to mail our letters and
buy more bullets and dynamite.

Don't worry about anything.  We are fine.

Love,
Johnny


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Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the
father-to-be a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high
so I can see what I'm doing."

Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world.

"Whoa there," said the doctor.  "Don't be in a rush to put
the lantern down ... I think there's yet another one to come."

Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl.

"No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that
lantern ...
It seems there's yet another one coming!" cried the doctor.

The Goober scratched his head in bewilderment, and
asked the doctor,

"Do you think it's the light that's attractin' 'em?"


Thanks to Bill for sending this picture!


Click on the picture for the large version

Lots of good memories of the canyon! I am glad I went there
as often as I did, when I could still afford it.

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Michael Porter, 27, and, his wife, Blair Porter
 of Brandon, Mississippi

Married Teachers Accused Of Sexually 
Abusing 15-year-old Girl

Two high school softball coaches who are married to each 
other are accused of having illegal sexual contact with 
a 15-year-old student on at least two occasions -- 
including once on school grounds.

Michael Porter, 27, and, his wife, Blair Porter, of 
Brandon, Mississippi, were arrested Friday and each 
charged with one count of sexual battery.

The alleged victim played on the Ridgeland High School 
softball team, which was coached by Michael Porter. 
His wife was an assistant coach who also taught at 
Old Towne Middle School.

The case came to light when the student's mother reported 
her daughter was being contacted by the couple after school 
hours. The mother believed that it "went well beyond that 
of a teacher student relationship," Mississippi News Now 
reports.

After obtaining a search warrant, police said they found 
a large number of texts between the Porters and the 
student that included sexually explicit language and 
naked pictures.

The teen allegedly told investigators she had two sexual 
encounters with the Porters, one at their home and one 
inside a press box at Ridgefield High School, 
WAPT TV reports.
The indictment says the suspects engaged in oral sex with 
the minor, according to WJTV TV.

The girl's mother told investigators she believes the 
inappropriate behavior may have begun when her daughter 
was a student at Old Towne Middle School, where Blair 
Porter was a teacher. Language in the indictment suggests 
Blair Porter may have arranged the sexual encounters, 
WDAM TV reports.

Bond was set at $25,000 for Michael Porter and $5,000 for 
Blair Porter, court officials said. Both were released 
after posting bail, according to WAPT TV.

Trial is set for February. If convicted, they each face 
up to 30 years in prison.

Both suspects have been terminated from their jobs, 
according to the New York Daily News.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Tam
Re: Calendar maker

Dear Webby,
thanks for the humor letter, lovin it everyday, I was
wondering if you know of anyplace online that I can
print calenders..monthy ones.
thanks
Tam

Dear Tam
I just use a spreadsheet to make calendars whenever I neend
some, but you can go to
http://www.myfreecalendarmaker.com/
and generate and print them right off their site.
Have FUN!
DearWebby




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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Easier Cleaning of S'mores Skewers
If you invested in the metal skewers for your s'mores, or 
just for roasting marshmallows, here's an idea for you:

After you've finished roasting the marshmallows for the 
evening (or afternoon, or whenever), put the skewers points 
down into a bucket or pitcher filled with 6 inches or so of 
water and a squirt of dishwashing soap. Let the skewers soak 
overnight, then scrub them in the morning with a scrubby pad, 
rinse, and put them away for the next time.

Source: Utter frustration after having to clean 60+ skewers 
before use and then afterwards. They had been put away 
grungy the year before, and I was determined to NOT do 
that again!

By Eileen M. [56] 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


When my aunt's youngest child was 3, he wanted a curse
word that he could use.  To appease the kid she told him
that he could say,
"Dag nabbit."

Well, the problem was that when he said it, it came out as,
"Damm Wabbit."


Little Johnny went to the store with his grandmother.
On the way home, he looked through her bags to see
what she had purchased.

In one package, Little Johnny found some panty hose
and he began to sound out the words "Queen Size."

He then turned to his grandmother and exclaimed, "WOW!
Look Gramma!  You're as wide as Mom's bed!"




» Provoking Sculptures




Today in 
1774 Russia and the Ottoman Empire signed the treaty of 
 Kuchuk-Kainardji, ending their six-year war.
1779 American troops under General Anthony Wayne 
 captured Stony Point, NY.
1790 The District of Columbia, or Washington, DC, 
 was established as the permanent seat of the 
 United States Government.
1791 Louis XVI was suspended from office until he agreed 
 to ratify the constitution.
1875 The new French constitution was finalized.
1912 Bradley A. Fiske patented the airplane torpedo.
1926 The first underwater color photographs appeared 
 in "National Geographic" magazine. The pictures had 
 been taken near the Florida Keys.
1935 Oklahoma City became the first city in the U.S. 
 to install parking meters.
1942 French police officers rounded up 13,000 Jews and 
 held them in the Winter Velodrome. The round-up was part 
 00of an agreement between Pierre Laval and the Nazis. 
 Germany had agreed to not deport French Jews if France 
 arrested foreign Jews.
1944 Soviet troops occupied Vilna, Lithuania, in their 
 drive toward Germany.
1945 The United States detonated the first atomic bomb 
 in a test at Alamogordo, NM.
1950 The largest crowd in sporting history was 199,854. 
 They watched the Uruguay defeat Brazil in the World Cup 
 soccer finals in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil.
1951 J.D. Salinger's novel "The Catcher in the Rye" was 
 first published.
1957 Marine Major John Glenn set a transcontinental speed 
 record when he flew a jet from California to New York in 
 3 hours, 23 minutes and 8 seconds.
1969 Apollo 11 blasted off from Cape Kennedy, FL, and began 
 the first manned mission to land on the moon.
1979 Saddam Hussein became president of Iraq after forcing 
 Hasan al-Bakr to resign.
1981 After 23 years with the name Datsun, executives of 
 Nissan changed the name of their cars to Nissan.
2005 J.K. Rowling's book "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood 
 Prince" was released. It was the sixth in the Harry Potter 
 series. The book sold 6.9 million copies on its first day 
 of release.
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, July 15
By the time you read this, I will be in Calgary on an
operating table for the cataract operation on my left eye.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Texas couple who kept son locked away for years
Details at Boneheads

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1965 The spacecraft Mariner IV sent back the first close-up 
 pictures of the planet Mars.




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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





In the United States there is more space where nobody is 
than where anybody is. 
That is what makes America what it is.
--- Gertrude Stein (1874 - 1946)

"Great spirits have always encountered violent
opposition from mediocre minds."
--- Albert Einstein



Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! 
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Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was
an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day,
decided he just had to play golf. So... he told the Associate
Pastor that he was feeling sick and persuaded him to say
Mass for him that day.

As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton
headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away.
This way he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he
knew from his parish. Setting up on the first tee, he was
alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else
was in church!

At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord
while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed,
"You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?"

The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not."

Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight
towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and
fell into the hole. It WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE!

St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked,
"Why did you let him do that?"

The Lord smiled and replied, "Who's he going to brag to?"


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Thanks to Dave for this story:
A fellow computer programmer for a consulting group had
designed some software for one of our largest accounts.
He asked my help in putting it into operation.

At first, he handled most of the work. Eventually, though,
he asked me to help with the last phase of the training.
When I sat down with one woman and told her I would be
showing her how to make changes to the files, she sighed
with relief. "I'm so glad you're teaching me instead of him."

Surprised, I said that my colleague was far more
experienced than I was.

"Yes," she said, "but I feel much more comfortable with you.
I get nervous around smart people."




Click on the picture for the large version
Hubble shot towards "Hand Of God"

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Jenifer Elise Thyssen, 40, and Dane Andrew Thyssen, 39
DRIPPING SPRINGS, Texas

Texas couple kept son locked away for years

A man arrested for burglary in a Central Texas town told 
police he had been held captive for at least four years 
by his adoptive parents in a garage apartment locked on 
the outside, authorities said.

Jenifer Elise Thyssen, 40, and Dane Andrew Thyssen, 39, 
were being held Friday at the Hays County jail. They were 
arrested Wednesday on kidnapping charges.

Hays County sheriff's deputies say the couple told them 
they confined 22-year-old Koystya Thyssen in an apartment 
at their home in Dripping Springs "for the safety" of 
their other children, according to the arrest affidavit.

Court documents don't indicate how many children were in 
the couple's care.

Authorities began to investigate the case after Koystya 
Thyssen was arrested for burglarizing a neighbor's home 
after using a screwdriver to escape the apartment.

Sheriff's deputies said the apartment had a toilet, sink 
and microwave, and that Koystya Thyssen told them his 
adoptive parents gave him a box of dry and frozen foods 
once a week. He said he was allowed to leave once a week 
to see a counselor, but was otherwise confined to the 
apartment.

"Koystya stated he believes it's wrong how he is treated 
but doesn't say anything," the affidavit says. "Koystya 
advised he had no friends nor any family in the United 
States." The affidavit does not indicate where he is 
originally from.

Dripping Springs, a town of around 1,900 residents, is 
about 20 miles west of Austin.
Jenifer and Dane Thyssen each were being held on $350,000 bond.
Koystya Thyssen was being held at the county jail Friday 
on a burglary of a habitation charge. His bond was set at 
$10,000. No attorney was listed for him.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Tam
Re: Calendar maker

Dear Webby,
thanks for the humor letter, lovin it everyday, I was
wondering if you know of anyplace online that I can
print calenders..monthy ones.
thanks
Tam

Dear Tam
I just use a spreadsheet to make calendars whenever I neend
some, but you can go to
http://www.myfreecalendarmaker.com/
and generate and print them right off their site.
Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Removing Odors From the Microwave
Lots of food smells linger in the microwave for a long 
time. To combat those odors and leave your microwave 
smelling fresh, use lemon essential oil. Just put a cup 
of water into a microwave-safe glass container and add 
4 drops of lemon oil. Microwave the bowl on high for 
2 minutes; keep the microwave door closed until the water 
is cooled a little, about 10 minutes.

By JodiT from Aurora, CO 

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Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


Thanks to Sandie for this story:
At the banquet of their 25th wedding anniversary, Tom was
asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits
of a marriage of such a long duration.

"Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those
wonderful years with your wife"?

Tom responded, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the
best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance,
meekness, self-restraint, forgiveness and a great many
other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd
stayed single!"


A flight attendant on a cross-country flight nervously
announced about 30 minutes outbound from LA,
"I don't know how this happened, but we have 103
passengers aboard and only 40 dinners."

When the passengers' muttering had died down, she
continued, "Anyone who is kind enough to give up his
meal so someone else can eat, will receive free drinks
for the length of the flight."

Her next announcement came an hour later.
"If anyone wants to change his mind, we still have 29
dinners available!"




» Provoking Sculptures




Today in 
1099 Jerusalem fell to the Crusaders.
1410 Poles and Lithuanians defeated the Teutonic knights 
 at Tannenburg, Prussia.
1789 The electors of Paris set up a "Commune" to live without 
 the authority of the government.
1806 Lieutenant Zebulon Pike began his western expedition from 
 Fort Belle Fountaine, near St. Louis, MO.
1813 Napoleon Bonaparte's representatives met with the Allies 
 in Prague to discuss peace terms.
1834 Lord Napier of England arrived in Macao, China as the first 
 chief superintendent of trade.
1885 In New York, the Niagara Reservation State Park opened.
1888 "Printers’ Ink" was first sold.
1901 Over 74,000 Pittsburgh steel workers went on strike.
1904 The first Buddhist temple in the U.S. was established in 
 Los Angeles, CA.
1916 In Seattle, WA, Pacific Aero Products was incorporated 
 by William Boeing. The company was later renamed Boeing Co.
1918 The Second Battle of the Marne began during World War I.
1922 The duck-billed platypus arrived in America, direct from 
 Australia. It was exhibited at the Bronx Zoo in New York City.
1942 The first supply flight from India to China over the 'Hump' 
 was carried to help China's war effort.
1958 Five thousand U.S. Marines landed in Beirut, Lebanon, to 
 protect the pro-Western government. The troops withdrew 
 October 25, 1958.
1965 The spacecraft Mariner IV sent back the first close-up 
 pictures of the planet Mars.
1968 Commercial air travel began between the U.S. and the 
 U.S.S.R., when the first plane, a Soviet Aeroflot jet, 
 landed at Kennedy International Airport in New York.
1987 Taiwan ended thirty-seven years of martial law.
2009 "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince" was released 
 in theaters in the U.S. It was the sixth movie in the series. 
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, July 14

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Missouri man, who shot his wife, 
because he got tired of her.
Details at Boneheads

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1946 Dr. Benjamin Spock’s "The Common Sense Book of 
 Baby and Child Care" was first published.




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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





It is hard enough to remember my opinions, 
without also remembering my reasons for them!
--- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900)



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A man once counseled his son that if he wanted to live a
long life, the secret was to sprinkle a little gunpowder
on his porridge every morning.

The son did this religiously, and he lived to the age of 93.

When he died, he left 14 children, 28 grandchildren, 35
great-grandchildren, and a 15 foot hole in the wall of
the crematorium.


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Thanks to Corrine for this story:
When my sister Andrea got married, she asked to wear my
mother's wedding dress. The day she tried it on for the
first time I was sitting with Mother in the living room as

Andrea descended the stairs. The gown was a perfect fit on
her petite frame. Mother's eyes welled with tears. I put my
arm around her.

"You're not losing a daughter," I reminded her in time-
honored fashion. "You're gaining a son."

"Oh, forget about that BS!" she wailed with a sob.
"I used to fit into that dress!"




Click on the picture for the large version

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Bobby Leonard, 59, Naylor, Missouri.

Missouri man shot wife because he was 'tired of her'.

When Bobby Leonard was questioned about shooting his wife, 
Carolyn, in the shoulder on Saturday, he didn't mince words.
Leonard, 59, allegedly confessed to the crime and said he 
did it because he was "tired of her," according to the 
Southeast Missourian newspaper.

The shooting occurred Saturday morning after the couple 
started arguing in their trailer home in Naylor, Missouri.

Ripley County Cpl. Earl Wheetley responded a call about 
a "female being shot by her husband" and found Carolyn 
Leonard "laying on the front porch covered in blood," 
according to his probable-cause affidavit.

The victim told officers that her husband shot her. When 
Leonard exited the trailer, he was arrested, according 
to the Associated Press.

After Wheetley handcuffed Leonard, the officer asked the 
suspect if he had any weapons him. He said Leonard replied, 
"No, the gun is in the house on the counter."

Wheetley said after Leonard was read his Miranda rights, 
the suspect asked if his wife had died. When Wheetley asked 
what happened, Leonard allegedly told him, "I got tired 
of her, and shot her."

Ripley County Sheriff Ron Barnett said the victim was flown 
to a Memphis, Tennessee hospital for treatment and is 
reportedly in stable condition.

Leonard was charged with first-degree domestic assault and 
armed criminal action or first-degree domestic assault. He 
was being held at the Doniphan City Jail in lieu of $150,000 
cash bond, according to RawStory.com.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Brook
Re: IP number

Dear Webby,
I need to find my IP number each time I log on from a 
different hotel, to get my outgoing email autyhenticated.
What is the easiest way to find that IP number?
Thanks
Brook

Dear Brook
Just go to httop://webby.com/ip
That page will tell you, and you can just highlight
and copy the IP number from there.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Outdoor Movie Night
We have weekly movie night outside. We set up a DVD 
projector to show the movie on the garage door. Every 
week someone else picks the movie and the snacks. 
Everyone has a great time.

By Margaret from Hicksville, NY 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


A Yuppie was sent a ransom note saying that he was to
bring $50,000 to the 17th hole of the country club at
10 o'clock the next day if he ever wanted to see his
wife alive again.

He didn't arrive until almost 12:30. A masked man stepped
out from behind some bushes and growled,
"What took ya so long? You're over two hours late."

"Hey ! Give me a break." whined the Yuppie.
"I have a 27 handicap."


The graduate with a Science degree asks,
"Why does it work?"

The graduate with an Engineering degree asks,
"How does it work?"

The graduate with an Accounting degree asks,
"How much will it cost?"

The graduate with an Arts degree asks,
"Do you want fries with that?"




» Funny Cats 49:




Today in 
1223 In France, Louis VIII succeeded his father, Philip Augustus.
1430 Joan of Arc, taken prisoner by the Burgundians in May, 
 was handed over to Pierre Cauchon, the bishop of Beauvais.
1456 Hungarians defeated the Ottomans at the Battle of Belgrade.
1536 France and Portugal signed the naval treaty of Lyons, which 
 aligned them against Spain.
1789 French Revolution began when Parisians stormed the Bastille 
 prison and released the seven prisoners inside.
1798 The U.S. Congress passed the Sedition Act. The act made it 
 a federal crime to write, publish, or utter false or malicious 
 statements about the U.S. government.
1868 Alvin J. Fellows patented the tape measure.
1900 European Allies retook Tientsin, China, from the 
 rebelling Boxers.
1911 Harry N. Atwood landed an airplane on the lawn of the 
 White House to accept an award from U.S. President William Taft.
1914 Robert H. Goddard patented liquid rocket-fuel.
1933 All German political parties except the Nazi Party 
 were outlawed.
1940 A force of German Ju-88 bombers attacked Suez, Egypt, 
 from bases in Crete.
1941 Vichy French Foreign Legionaries signed an armistice 
 in Damascus, which allowed them to join the Free French 
 Foreign Legion.
1945 American battleships and cruisers bombarded the 
 Japanese home islands for the first time.
1946 Dr. Benjamin Spock’s "The Common Sense Book of 
 Baby and Child Care" was first published.
1951 The first sports event to be shown in color, on 
 CBS-TV, was the Molly Pitcher Handicap at Oceanport, NJ.
1958 The army of Iraq overthrew the monarchy.
1965 The American space probe Mariner 4 flew by Mars, and 
sent back photographs of the planet.
1998 Los Angeles sued 15 tobacco companies for $2.5 billion 
 over the dangers of secondhand smoke.
2008 The iTunes Music Store reached 10 million applications 
 downloaded.
2009 The iTunes Music Store reached 1.5 billion applications 
downloaded. 
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, July 13

If you can get outside, watch for the SuperMoon.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Pennsylvania teacher for having sex with two gossipy
students too close to the end of school year
Details at Boneheads

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1978 Lee Iacocca was fired as president of Ford Motor Co. by 
 chairman Henry Ford II.




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





It only takes 20 years for a liberal to become a conservative 
without changing a single idea.
--- Robert Anton Wilson  



Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! 
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Smith emailed his supervisor in the front office.  "Boss,"
he wrote, "my mother-in-law is doing some heavy house-cleaning
tomorrow, and my wife wants me to go help with the attic
and the garage, moving and hauling stuff."

"We're short-handed, Smith," the boss replied. "I can't give
you the day off."

"Thanks, boss," Smith wrote back, "I knew I could count on
you!"


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Judge: Did you or did you not see the gun being fired?

Witness: I did not see it being fired. I only heard it.

Judge: Well, that's hearsay. It's inadmissible as evidence.

As the witness left the stand and walked back to his seat,
his back was turned to the judge, at which point he laughed
out loud.

Immediately the judge recalled him to the bench and was
about to hold him in contempt of court.

Witness: Did you actually see me laugh?

Judge No, but I heard you.

Witness: Isn't that the same kind of inadmissible
hearsay, Judge?




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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Tiffany Leiseth, 26, New Brighton, Pennsylvania 

Pennsylvania teacher for having sex with two 
gossipy students too close to end of school year

A Pennsylvania teacher has been charged with felony 
institutional sexual assault following allegations that she 
had sex with two 18-year-old students at her home.

Tiffany Leiseth, 26, worked as a substitute English teacher 
in the New Brighton School District, northwest of Pittsburgh. 
The victims in the case were both taught by Leiseth, although 
the alleged sex acts occurred after classes had 
ended for the year.

Police launched an investigation in late May after they 
received tips that the teacher had sent nude photos to each 
of the young men.

“[Investigators] followed up on that rumor and they found 
those students, and they found the nude photographs, and 
they identified the teacher,” Moon Township Police Chief 
Leo McCarthy told CBS Pittsburgh.

In interviews with police, each victim described how he 
had been invited to Leiseth's house, was offered beer, 
and then engaged in sexual activity with the teacher. 
The first student came over on the last day of school, 
in the hours following the end of classes. The second 
student said he visited Leiseth's home the next day, 
according to police.

She reportedly told the students not to tell anyone, 
according to WPXI.

Leiseth lost her job in the wake of the allegations, but 
her attorney argued that since classes were over when the 
alleged acts occurred, she wasn't their teacher anymore.

“I'm not going to get in a war at this point with the 
alleged victims’ families,” Michael DeRiso, Leiseth’s attorney, 
told the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette. “The reality is you had 
three consenting adults once school let out.”

McCarthy disagrees.
“Regardless of your age, whether you’re an adult or not, 
if you’re a high school student, a teacher cannot have 
sexual relations with you,” McCarthy told WPXI.

However, because the young men were 18 years old, police 
could not charge Leiseth with a crime for sending them nude 
photos, CBS Pittsburgh reports.

Leiseth's preliminary hearing is scheduled for July 22.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Carol
Re: How to open a PayPal account

Dear Webby,
I have The Black Screen of Death of my laptop after doing 
what I was under the impression was a restart after a 
MSFT upgrade.  I suppose there is nothing for it but 
to take it to Geek Squad, right?  
Carol T​

Dear Carol
I have no idea what MSFT is.
However, if you have a black screen and can't see what is 
going on, then yes, you'll have to bring it to the 
Geek Squad.
Most likely they will start it up with Linux from a 
Live CD or USB thumb drive, and look what is going on. 

Once they have access to the screen, they should be 
able to fix the problem, or at least copy all your 
data onto DVDs and then format and re-install Windows. 

Good Luck!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Wash Cloth for Telephone Space Around Toddlers
To get space from my toddlers when I am on the phone, 
I sit with a wet facecloth and wipe their faces whenever 
they come near me. Now I can chat without them being 
right in my space.

By Mrs. Burgo from Newcastle, NSW

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Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


On the first day of creation, God created the dog.

On the second day, God created man to serve the dog.

On the third day, God created all the animals of the earth
(especially the horse) to serve as potential food for the dog.

On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man could
labor for the good of the dog.

On the fifth day, God created the tennis ball so that the dog
might or might not retrieve it.

On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to keep
the dog healthy and the man broke.

On the seventh day, God tried to rest, but He had to walk the dog.


Thanks to Richard for this story:
My mom Molly, a difficult independent 75 year old,
likes sitting by the park feeding the pigeons.

One day she brought with her a whole bun of
fresh bread just to feed her daily company.
Little by little, pinch by pinch, she fed each pigeon
with joy.  She sat there without being noticed by
anyone in our rich suburban neighborhood.

Then suddenly a man in his early 40's rained on my
mom's parade by telling her that she shouldn't
throw away good food on a bunch of pigeons
that can find food anywhere... when there are a
lot of people starving in Africa , says the stranger.

Then my mother said in crazed anger and without hesitation,
"Well, I can't throw that far!" She handed him the half 
bun and stated "You bring it to them!"




» Funny Cats 49:




Today in 
1099 The Crusaders launched their final assault on Muslims 
 in Jerusalem.
1534 The Ottoman armies captured Tabriz in northwestern Persia.
1558 Led by the court of Egmont, the Spanish army defeated the 
 French at Gravelines, France.
1585 A group of 108 English colonists, led by Sir Richard 
 Grenville, reached Roanoke Island, NC.
1643 In England, the Roundheads, led by Sir William Waller, 
 were defeated by royalist troops under Lord Wilmot in the 
 Battle of Roundway Down.
1754 At the beginning of the French and Indian War, George 
 Washington surrendered the small, circular Fort Necessity 
 in southwestern Pennsylvania to the French.
1812 The first pawnbroking ordinance was passed in New York City.
1832 Henry Schoolcraft discovered the source of the Mississippi 
 River in Minnesota.
1835 John Ruggles received patent #1 from the U.S. Patent Office 
 for a traction wheel used in locomotive steam engines. All 9,957 
 previous patents were not numbered.
1863 Opponents of the Civil War draft began three days of rioting 
in New York City, which resulted in more than 1,000 casualties.
1875 David Brown patented the first cash-carrier system.
1878 The Congress of Berlin divided the Balkans among 
 European powers.
1931 A major German financial institution, Danabank, failed. This 
 led to the closing of all banks in Germany until August 5.
1941 Britain and the Soviet Union signed a mutual aid pact, that 
 provided the means for Britain to send war material to the 
 Soviet Union.
1954 In Geneva, the United States, Great Britain and France reached 
 an accord on Indochina which divided Vietnam into two countries, 
 North and South, along the 17th parallel.
1978 Lee Iacocca was fired as president of Ford Motor Co. by 
 chairman Henry Ford II.
1984 In Arkansas, Terry Wallis was injured in a car accident and 
 was left comatose. He came out of the coma in June of 2003.
1998 "Image of an Assassination" went on sale. The video 
 documentary is of Abraham Zapruder's home video of U.S. 
 President Kennedy's assassination in Dallas.
2000 Sprint Corp. and WorldCom canceled their planned merger 
 due to opposition by regulators in the United States and Europe.
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning,  !

Today is Saturday, July 12 

If you can get outside, watch for the SuperMoon.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida woman busted for doing dopey, 
naked yoga in the middle of the road
Details at Boneheads

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1982 "E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial" broke all box-office records 
 by surpassing the $100-million mark of ticket sales in the 
 first 31 days of its opening.




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





I am more afraid of an army of one hundred sheep led by
a lion than an army of one hundred lions led by a sheep.
--- Charles Maurice

Being a woman is a terribly difficult task 
since it consists principally in dealing with men.
--- Joseph Conrad (1857 - 1924)   

When people are free to do as they please, 
they usually imitate each other.
--- Eric Hoffer (1902 - 1983)



Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! 
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>From Willie
My wife cannot ride in a car without telling whoever is   
driving what to do, when to do it, etc. She is, bar none,   
the worst back seat driver in the world. I have long   
thought this, though she would deny it. She claimed she   
seldom, if ever made comments about my driving. I, of   
course, claimed the opposite. Now I have proof.   

The other day we were headed for the mall and my daughter   
piped up, "Daddy, before you married Mommy, who told you   
how to drive?"   


Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
Boost Computer Speed
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Tom's barn burned down and his wife, Matilda Jane, called
her insurance agent to file a claim...
Matilda Jane told the insurance company, "We had that barn
insured for fifty thousand and I want my money, right quick!"

The agent replied, "Just a minute, there, Matilda Jane.
Insurance doesn't work quite like that. We will ascertain the
value of what was insured and provide you with a new one of
comparable worth."

There was a long pause before Matilda Jane replied, "Then I'd
like to cancel the policy on my husband... Right NOW!"




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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Michele Cernak, 51, Ocala, Floriduh

Florida woman busted for doing dopey, 
naked yoga in the middle of the road

JULY 10--A nearly naked woman who was doing yoga exercises 
in the middle of a Florida roadway was arrested yesterday 
afternoon by cops who found heroin and drug paraphernalia 
in her running pickup truck.

Michele Cernak, 51, was collared on a variety of drug counts 
after police responded to a 911 call about an intoxicated 
woman stripping off her clothes on an Ocala street.

When officers confronted the Ocala resident, her pants were 
at her ankles. Witnesses told officers that Cernak had been 
doing yoga poses.

Cernak was exercising about ten feet from her truck, which 
had its driver’s door open. A search of the vehicle turned 
up heroin and drug paraphernalia, according to an Ocala 
Police Department report. During questioning, Cernak, who 
had a bleeding wound on her left ankle, reportedly admitted 
that she had been shooting heroin.

Charged with three felonies and two misdemeanors, Cernak is 
locked up in the Marion County jail in lieu of $5000 bond. 

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Carol
Re: How to open a PayPal account

Dear Webby,
how do you set up a paypal account? I have wanted to know
but kept forgetting to ask you. I look forward to your
humor letter every day. my hubby & I have learned lots of
things from you.
THANKS
Carol

Dear Dear Carol
Just go to http://paypal.com
and click on the "Sign Up" link in the top right corner.

It will ask you the usual stuff, but not as much as when
you sign up for a bank account downtown. Just fill that
out, and you'll get your account.

You can run it like a debit card account, so that you can
only use whatever money you got in it, or you can back
it up with a debit or credit card, so that it can fall back 
onto that, if you are a bit short on a purchase or for 
example are buying more Skype Out minutes in the middle 
of a long phone call.

Have FUN!
DearWwebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Vinegar for Rust and Wood Treatment
Vinegar is really great stuff with many cool uses. 
Here are the the 2 best ones I know of.
1) Remove rust from metal. Just let the metal (pliers, 
blade etc.) soak overnight in the vinegar. Rub off with 
old cloth, rinse with water and dry or place in sun. 
Bye-bye rust.

2)Paint the undiluted vinegar on wood to keep nasty 
woodborers and other insects away. It's better if you 
can submerge the wood for an hour but not necessary. 
Considering the prices nowadays of rust remover and wood 
treatment, this tip can save you many, many $$!
Source: My own experiments. It works!

By jddewet [1] 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend
and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue
in the Netherlands flag.
"Our flag symbolizes our taxes," he said.
"We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our
tax bill, and blue after we pay them."

"That's the same with us," the American said, "only we see
stars, too."


Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between
them a young man.  "This young man agreed to marry my
daughter," said one.

"No! He agreed to marry MY daughter," said the other.
And so they haggled before the King, until he called
for silence.

"Bring me my biggest sword," said Solomon, " and I shall
hew the young man in half. Each of you shall receive a
half."  

"Sounds good to me,"said the first lady. But
the other woman said, 

"Oh Sire, do not spill innocent
blood. Let the other woman's daughter marry him."  The
wise king did not hesitate a moment. "He must marry the 
first lady's daughter," he proclaimed.

"But she was willing to hew him in two!" exclaimed the
king's court.  

"Indeed," said wise King Solomon. "That
shows she is the TRUE mother-in-law."




» Volcanic Noise & Soot:




Today in 
1096 Crusaders under Peter the Hermit reached Sofia, Bulgaria. 
 There they met their Byzantine escort, which brought them 
 safely the rest of the way to Constantinople by August 1.
1543 England's King Henry VIII married his sixth and last wife, 
 Catherine Parr.
1690 Protestant forces led by William of Orange defeated the 
 Roman Catholic army of James II.
1691 William III defeated the allied Irish and French armies 
 at the Battle of Aughrim, Ireland.
1790 The French Assembly approved a Civil Constitution 
 providing for the election of priests and bishops.
1864 U.S. President Abraham Lincoln witnessed the battle where 
 Union forces repelled Jubal Early's army on the outskirts of 
 Washington, DC.
1941 Moscow was bombed by the German Luftwaffe.
1946 "The Adventures of Sam Spade" was heard on ABC radio 
 for the first time.
1957 The U.S. surgeon general, Leroy E. Burney, reported that 
 there was a direct link between smoking and lung cancer.
1960 Manufacturing began for the Etch A Sketch®.
1982 "E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial" broke all box-office records 
 by surpassing the $100-million mark of ticket sales in the 
 first 31 days of its opening.
1982 The last of the distinctive-looking Checker taxicabs rolled 
 off the assembly line in Kalamazoo, MI.
1990 Russian republic president Boris N. Yeltsin announced his 
 resignation from the the Soviet Communist Party.
1998 1.7 billion people watched soccer's World Cup finals 
 between France and Brazil. France won 3-0.
1999 Walt Disney Co. announced that it was merging all of its 
 Internet operations together with Infoseek into Go.com.
2000 Russia launched the Zvezda after two years of delays. 
 The module was built to be the living quarters for the 
 International Space Station (ISS.) 
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, July 11.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Floriduh woman for carrying crack in her vagina
Details at Boneheads

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1962 The first transatlantic TV transmission was sent through the 
 Telstar I satellite.




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made.
--- Otto von Bismarck (1815 - 1898)   



Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! 
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An old fellow was snoozing away contentedly when he was
startled awake by the doorbell. He staggered off the couch to
make his way to the door. There stood a gorgeous young woman.

"Oh my goodness," the pretty young thing exclaimed, "I'm at
the wrong house."

"Sweetheart, you're at the right house," the old guy
assured her. "But you're seventy years too late."


Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
Boost Computer Speed
Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows®
Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs

I was listening to a lady who called a radio pastor.

The pastor was a wise, grandfatherly gentleman who
has that calm reassuring voice that can melt all fear.
The lady, who was obviously crying, said, "Pastor, I
was born blind, and I've been blind all my life. I don't
mind being blind but I have some well meaning friends
who tell me that if I had more faith I could be healed."

The pastor asked her, "Tell me, do you carry one of
those white tipped canes?"

"Yes I do," she replied.

"Then the next time someone says that, whack them over
the head with the cane," He said. "Then tell them 'If
they had more faith that wouldn't hurt!'"




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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Jennifer Crosby, 42, Indian River County, Floriduh

Hiding Crack Cocaine In Her Vagina

A Florida woman accused of hiding crack cocaine in her 
vagina had her plans foiled by the foil allegedly used 
to wrap the drugs.

Jennifer Renee Crosby, 42, was arrested June 24 in Indian 
River County after authorities pulled over her companion, 
Robert William King, because it appeared that their green 
Chrysler had a window tint violation.

Things escalated quickly.
When investigators asked King, 47, for his license, 
registration and proof of insurance, King allegedly replied, 
"I don’t have a license! I’m habitual!” according to 
TCPalm.com.

Officers noticed Crosby was nervously shaking and asked her 
if she was carrying drugs.

At first she said no, but when the investigator called for 
a female deputy to come to the scene, she allegedly said, 
"I have drugs up my vagina," according to an arrest report 
obtained by The Smoking Gun.

Crosby was given a latex glove to wear while she removed the 
alleged crack cocaine. During her retrieval efforts, she 
told police, "Ouch! The foil is hurting the inside of my 
vagina," UPI.com reports.

A field test of the substance confirmed that it was crack 
cocaine. The narcotic and $3,743 in cash were booked as 
evidence.

Crosby was arrested and charged with possession of cocaine 
and drug paraphernalia and King was arrested on a habitual 
traffic offender charge.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
This item was forwarded by Ophelia
From: Jim
Re: Can not watch flash movies

I tried to watch your Bonus Movie but it had the Adobe Player 
screen where you have to accept or deny.....It wouldn't do 
either and wouldn't play.  Sorry bout that!  
Have a GREAT day...
Jim

Dear Jim
Yeah, I know Adobe is a pain in the nuisance.
Right-Click on the movie, select Global Settings,
and let it take 10 Mb of temporary storage.

After that it should work OK.
Ophelia

Thanks, Ophelia!




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Using Any Vacuum Cleaner Bag
A pack of 3 vacuum cleaner bags costs $10.00 & tax. 
That's over $3.50 for one bag! I never buy the original 
bags anymore. Instead, I buy any bags that are roughly 
the same size at yard sales and Thrift Stores. Salvation 
Army has baskets full of those bags in all sizes, for 
25 cents a bag!

Before I discard a full bag, I remove the cardboard piece 
that fits my model of vacuum. I remove the cardboard piece 
of the Thrift store bags, heat up my glue gun, and glue 
the original piece from the used bag in place. I have 
reused the same pieces about 30 times each. This is saving 
me more than $150 a year! 

If the bags were not exactly the same size as the originals, 
it has not made any difference. The important piece is the 
cardboard fitting. This is way more hygienic than opening 
a full bag, cleaning it out and resealing it, as some people 
do. 

Just remove that cardboard piece shortly before you throw 
the full bag in the dumpster. No mess, no dust.
It takes only seconds to make, after the glue gun is heated up.

Source: I came up with that myself, tried it out and it worked 
perfectly. Doing this since 8 years now. 

By Tanja V. [1] 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned
around and returned to the gate. After an hour long wait, it
finally took off.

A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the
problem?"

"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," she
explained.

"Oh, and it took a while to fix it," said the passenger.

"Not exactly." replied the stewardess, "It just took us a bit to
find a deaf pilot."


Old Granny went to her doctor to see what could be
done about her constipation.

"It's terrible," she said, "I haven't moved my
bowels in a week."

"I see. Have you done anything about it?" asked the
doctor.

"Naturally," she replied, "I sit in the bathroom for
a half-hour in the morning and again at night."

"No," the doctor said, "I mean do you take
anything?"

"Naturally," she answered, "I take a book."




» Cacti Galore




Today in 
1346 Charles IV of Luxembourg was elected Holy Roman Emperor 
 in Germany.
1533 Henry VIII, who divorced his wife and became head of the 
 church of England, was excommunicated from the Catholic Church 
 by Pope Clement VII.
1786 Morocco agreed to stop attacking American ships in the 
 Mediterranean for a payment of $10,000.
1804 The United States' first secretary of the treasury, Alexander Hamilton, 
 was killed by Vice President Aaron Burr in a duel.
1864 In the U.S., Confederate forces led by Gen. Jubal Early began an 
 invasion of Washington, DC. They turned back the next day.
1918 Enrico Caruso recorded "Over There" written by George M. Cohan.
1934 U.S. President Franklin Delano Roosevelt became the first American 
 chief executive to travel through the Panama Canal while in office.
1962 The first transatlantic TV transmission was sent through the 
 Telstar I satellite.
1972 U.S. forces broke the 95-day siege at An Loc in Vietnam.
1979 The abandoned U.S. space station Skylab returned to Earth. It burned 
up in the atmosphere and showered debris over the Indian Ocean and Australia.
1985 Dr. H. Harlan Stone announced that he had used zippers for stitches 
 on 28 patients. The zippers were used when he thought he may have to 
 re-operate.
1995 Full diplomatic relations were established between the United States 
 and Vietnam.
1999 A U.S. Air Force jet flew over the Antarctic and dropped off 
 emergency medical supplies for Dr. Jerri Nelson after she had discovered 
 a lump in her breast. Nelson was at the Amundsen-Scott South Pole 
 Research Center.
2000 The video "Jaws," the Anniversary Collector's Edition, was released.
2000 Liam Neeson broke his pelvis after hitting a deer with his Harley 
Davidson motorcycle. 
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning,  !

Today is Thursday, July 10.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Delaware dope, who stashed heroin in his baby's diaper
Details at Boneheads

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1962 The Telstar Communications satellite was launched. The 
 satellite relayed TV and telephone signals between 
 Europe and the U.S.




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





The great thing about democracy is that it gives every voter 
a chance to do something stupid.
--- Art Spander



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An authority on African animals was giving a lecture.
When he finished, he asked for questions.
One man stood up and asked,
"Is it true that the wild animals in Africa won't bother you
if you carry a lighted torch?"

The speaker replied, "That depends on how fast you carry it."


Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
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Thanks to Phil for this story:
My two-year-old daughter, Paige, was with her mother while
her older sister was being examined by a dentist.  Paige
kept herself busy playing with toys in the waiting room until
she noticed that her mom was resting, her eyes closed.

With about six other patients waiting, Paige marched up to
her mother, looked her straight in the face and shook her
shoulder.

"Mommy," she yelled, "wake up!  This is not church!"

My wife, Lani, woke from her doze to the sound of the other
patients laughing hysterically.




Click on the picture for the large version
The "Angel Cloud" that appeared over Palm Beach yesterday.

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Thanks for your votes!




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Michael Penn, 25, Newcastle, Delaware

Dad Hid Heroin In His Baby's Diaper

A Delaware man wanted on a theft charge stashed 16 packets 
of heroin down his eight-month-old baby boy’s diaper when 
police spotted him walking yesterday on a New Castle street, 
investigators allege.

According to cops, Michael Penn recently swiped items from 
a Verizon store, prompting the issuance of an arrest warrant 
for shoplifting.

Police officers approached the 25-year-old Penn while he 
was walking Tuesday with his three children. Seen in the 
adjacent mug shot, Penn was carrying the baby and his 
five-year-old daughter.

Directed by officers to put the children down, Penn 
initially refused, cops reported. At one point, Penn 
was seen placing something in the baby’s diaper, 
according to the New Castle City Police Department.

Penn was eventually detained and a search of the child’s 
diaper turned up the heroin stash, which can be seen in 
a police evidence photo. The heroin packets were stamped 
with brand names like “Bioshock” and “Death.”

In addition to the shoplifting count, Penn was booked 
into jail yesterday on narcotics, resisting arrest, 
and child endangerment charges. He was later released 
on $4500 bond. Penn’s children were turned over to 
the custody of his grandmother, and cops reported the 
incident to child welfare officials.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: John
Re: Can temp files be deleted?

Dear Webby,
My machine has an awful lot of temp files. 
Can they be deleted safely? What is the best way to do that?
John

Dear John
Yes, sure you can get rid of them. Your browser will be a bit
slower for a while, because it now has to download all the 
stuff again, that it had cached. Especially on slow dial-up, 
deleting temp files will NOT speed up your machine.

Most programs are well behaved and clean up when they close.
Internet Explorer does not clean up

The easiest way to dump temp files is with Crap Cleaner.
It will also dump the recycle bin, and if you don't take 
the checkmark off the cookies, it will dump those too.
Crap Cleaner is free. Just go to my Tool Box and download 
it.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Emergency Sink Stopper
The house I am at doesn't have the disposal stopper. I like to do dishes with a full sink of water so this posed a problem. Then, I realized that a tall glass works wonders.

Someone posted here once that certain jar lids worked so this is just another clever solution to those pesky problems that plague our lives. Easy Peasy!
Hope this helps. 

By Sandi [394] 

At the Dollar Store you can get "universal" drain stoppers.
They look like a 3/16" thick, 4" x 4" flexible rubber square. 
You just lay them over a sink or tub drain. 

Some have a hole punched in a corner to attach a ball chain 
or string, so that you can pull the flap in a hurry, if the 
water is too hot or too high to reach in. Just attach the ball 
chain or string to the faucets, and you will never have to
search for it. It will never break, even if you drop a big,
cast iron pot into the sink. Works great!
Have Fun!
DearWebby

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


Knowing that the minister was very fond of cherry brandy,
one of the church elders offered to present him with a bottle
on one consideration - that the pastor acknowledge receipt
of the gift in the church paper.

"Gladly," responded the good man.

When the church magazine came out a few days later, the elder
turned at once to the "appreciation" column.  There he read:
"The minister extends his thanks to Elder Brown for his gift
of fruit and for the spirit in which it was given."


My Parents had not been out together in quite some time.
One Saturday, as Mom was finishing the dinner dishes,
my father stepped up behind her.
"Would you like to go out, girl?" he asked.

Not even turning around, my mother quickly replied,
"Oh, yes, I'd love  to!"

They had a wonderful evening, and it wasn't until the end
of it that  Dad confessed. His question had actually been
directed to the family dog, lying near Mom's feet on the
kitchen floor.


http://tinyurl.com/qg9edoc"> src="http://webby.com/humor/Diannes.jpg" align=left>

» Cacti Galore




Today in 
1609 The Catholic states in Germany set up a league under the 
 leadership of Maximillian of Bavaria.
1679 The British crown claimed New Hampshire as a royal colony.
1776 The statue of King George III was pulled down in 
 New York City.
1778 In support of the American Revolution, Louis XVI declared 
 war on England.
1821 U.S. troops took possession of Florida. The territory was 
 sold by Spain.
1866 Edison P. Clark patented his indelible pencil.
1900 ‘His Master’s Voice’, was registered with the U.S. 
 Patent Office. The logo of the Victor Recording Company, 
 and later, RCA Victor, shows the dog, Nipper, looking 
 into the horn of a gramophone machine.
1910 W.R. Brookins became the first to fly an airplane 
 at an altitude of one mile.
1913 The highest temperature ever recorded in the U.S. 
 was 134 degrees in Death Valley, CA.
1928 George Eastman first demonstrated color motion pictures.
1929 The U.S. government began issuing paper money in the 
 small size.
1938 Howard Hughes completed a 91 hour flight around the world.
1940 The 114-day Battle of Britain began during World War II.
1949 The first practical rectangular television was presented. 
 The picture tube measured 12 by 16 and sold for $12.
1951 Sugar Ray Robinson was defeated for only the second time 
 in 133 fights as Randy Turpin took the middleweight crown.
1953 American forces withdraw from Pork Chop Hill in Korea 
 after heavy fighting.
1962 The Telstar Communications satellite was launched. The 
 satellite relayed TV and telephone signals between 
 Europe and the U.S.
1973 Britain granted the Bahamas their independence after 
 three centuries of British colonial rule.
1985 Coca-Cola resumed selling the old formula of Coke, 
 it was renamed "Coca-Cola Classic." It was also announced 
 that they would continue to sell "New" Coke.
1990 Mikhail Gorbachev won re-election as the leader of 
 the Soviet Communist Party.
1991 Boris Yeltsin took the oath of office as the first 
 elected president of the Russian republic.
1991 U.S. President Bush lifted economic sanctions 
 against South Africa, citing its "profound transformation" 
 toward racial equality.
1997 Scientists in London said DNA from a Neanderthal skeleton 
 supported a theory that all humanity descended from an 
 "African Eve" 100,000 to 200,000 years ago.
1998 The World Bank approved a $700 million loan to Thailand.
1999 The heads of six African nations that had troops in the 
 Democratic Republic of the Congo signed a cease-fire 
 agreement that would end the civil war in that nation.
2002 Peter Paul Rubens' painting "The Massacre of the 
 Innocents" sold for $76.2 million at Sotheby's.
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, July 9.

Windows 9 will be released this fall.
Apparently Microsoft has realized that Windows 8 
belongs on the same shelf as Vista and DOS 4.

According to NetMarketShare, the combined market share of 
Windows 8.1 and Windows 8 is just 12.54 percent, more than 
Apple’s Mac OS share, but far less than the 25.31 percent 
held by Windows XP, or the 50.55 percent share held by 
Windows 7. Those are actual user numbers, not claimed "sales"
which include donations to foreign countries by the 
Bill&Melinda foundation.

What I find significant is the 25.31% XP. Considering the
difficulty in getting XP CDs, that is a really solid
one finger salute to Microsoft.

Those figures don't include Linux. "That's industrial, 
commercial and professional users."
If all the made-for-XP and newer machines, that are 
running Linux were included, then the Windows 8/8.1 
share would be way less than 1%.
For these stats they just use home users.

Is Microsoft taking a hint, that people would rather have 
something funtional like XP, instead of hysterical changes 
of the user interface and different ways of getting the 
same old work done? 
Currently the only "sales" of Windows 8/8.1 are pre-installed 
in new machines, without giving the buyer a choice. 

So, what is Microsoft doing about that? 
Is Windows 9 getting back towards XP ?
No.

It seems that they are going to drive even more people 
to Linux and Mac. They are going to have their computer
building companies in China pre-install Windows 9, 
but require the victims to visit the Microsoft online 
store to buy a license. 
I have a hunch, many will stop on the way and get a 
free Linux instead.

Currently, the only real problem with Linux is that there 
are so many different "flavors", and the fans of each getting
rather religious about THEIR chosen flavor.

In the industry we just laugh about that and use CentOS, the
free version of RedHat Linux. CentOS is the same as RedHat,
just without tech support. If you have seen pictures of big
server "farms", with a Million or more computers, that are 
just blades on racks, those all use CentOS Linux, 
not any kind of Windows.

Microsoft instead is frantically chasing the cloud. They 
want you to "lease" Microsoft Office, with the program sitting
on THEIR servers, "the cloud", instead of in your computer.
You simply pay your monthly lease for Microsoft Office, and 
your corner of a cloud to store your files. 
While that is handy if you just one-finger-poke at a thin 
phone, it is not what big-screen computer users want.

If you managed to hang on to an XP, treat it gently and
vacuum out the dust bunnies, It's that time of the year, 
when they tend to overheat. 
The same of course goes for W7 machines. Vacuum them out!
Maybe Windows 10 will be better, or maybe by then you will 
be ready for Linux or Mac?

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Drunk Alabama woman rode stolen horse 
to rob a store
Details at Boneheads

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1878 The corncob pipe was patented by Henry Tibbe.




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





You know everybody is ignorant, 
only on different subjects.
--- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)



Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! 
(Opens in a new tab, so that you don't lose this page)

The young secretary was describing her evening's exploits to
a friend. "After dinner," she said, "he wanted to come back
to my apartment, but I refused. I told him my mother would
worry if I did anything like that."

"That was smart," her friend said, approvingly, "Then what
happened?"

"He kept insisting, and I kept refusing," the secretary said.

"You didn't weaken your resolve did you?" asked the friend.

"Not one bit. In the end, we went to his apartment. I figured,
let HIS mother worry."


Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
Boost Computer Speed
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Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs

>From Edna
Let's just walk up the hill to the terminal, rather than 
wait for the bus," I suggested to my two young sons. 
Much to their displeasure, we began our walk. 
After a while, my seven-year-old son asked: "Mom, why do 
you always make the decisions?" 

"Because I'm an adult," I said. "When you become an adult, 
you'll make the decisions." 

He thought for a few seconds, then said: "No, I won't. 
Then I'll have a wife."


Thanks to Janina for this picture:
a visiting deer - stops to "chat" with me :>))


Click on the picture for the large version

Thanks for your great, humor letters each day.  I'm so 
impressed you find the energy to send it.  Wishing you 
good health and continued fun every day!	
Janina from New Jersey, USA

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Christine Saunders, 45, DeKalb County, Alabama

Drunk Alabama woman rode stolen horse 
to rob a store

An Alabama woman was arrested on Friday after police say
she drunkenly stole a horse and rode it to a store to 
steal some merchandise.

Christine Saunders, 45, was initially only hit with 
alcohol-related charges, but police say more charges 
could be on the way, according to AL.com.

Authorities responded after receiving a call about an 
intoxicated woman causing a disturbance at a store in 
DeKalb County on Saturday evening.
According to Sheriff Jimmy Harris, Saunders had a horse, 
that she was believed to be riding, tied up outside of the 
store. Officers recovered three cans of Keystone Light in 
a Walmart bag that was tied to the saddle horn.

The horse was returned to its owner, who did not press 
charges.

Saunders was charged with public intoxication and illegal 
possession of a prohibited beverage.

Apparently, in Alabama, unopened cans of beer are not allowed 
in a shopping bag tied to a saddle horn. 

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Mary
Re: Mysterious Windows Shut-downs

Dear Webby,
How are you feeling after all the eye injections? I hope 
this finds you feeling much better.

I am having a big problem and windows seem to be ignorant 
of why their product doesn't work right.
I have a window 7 and it just closes for no apparent reason.
Do you have any suggestion on how I might be able to fix it?

Thank you so much for all your wonderful emails.

Mary

Dear Mary
The next injections are due July 30.
The left eye cataract operation is on July 15.

Yes, Microsoft is rather clueless about that sort of thing.

However, in your case, it might be simply overheating.
Some computers give you a warning and reduce processor speed, 
others just "pull the plug", which is rather stupid, since 
that shuts down the fans, while heat is still migrating from 
the inside of components.

If the mystery shut-downs happen during afternoon or evening, 
but not during cool mornings, then I would recommend opening 
the case, vacuuming the dust bunnies out and cleaning the 
heat sinks. The heat sinks are those high-tech looking 
aluminum fins. Clean those and the fans with a Q-tip dipped 
in window cleaner.

Please let me know if that solves the problem.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Make Your Mattress Last Longer 
There are so many mattress ads on TV now and they are 
telling us how long we should keep our mattresses. I 
thought you could use a mattress for 20 years, but they 
are telling us 7-8. But then, I turn my mattress in the 
old-fashioned way - upside down and top to bottom - to 
rotate the wear. I let my mattresses air out the morning 
after we use it before we make the bed. All of this goes 
toward giving us more years on our mattress.

By pamphyila from L.A., CA 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


"The answer to this last question will determine whether you
are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?"

"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a
toaster oven."


Here is a seven year old report, 
timely again with the US Govt considering getting 
involved in Iraq again.

Regardless of where you stand on the issue of the U. S.
involvement in Iraq, here's a sobering statistic:
There has been a monthly average of 160,000 troops in the Iraq
theater of operations during the last 22 months, and a total of
2,112 deaths. That gives a violent death rate of 60 per 100,000
soldiers. The violent death rate in Washington D. C. is 80.6 per
100,000 persons for the same period. That means that you are
about 25% more likely to be shot or knifed and killed in the U. S.
Capital than you are in Iraq.

Conclusion: The U. S. should pull out of Washington.




» Sunrise 2 Sunset




Today in 
0118 Hadrian, Rome's new emperor, made his entry into the city.
0455 Avitus, the Roman military commander in Gaul, became Emperor 
 of the West.
1540 England's King Henry VIII had his 6-month-old marriage to 
 his fourth wife, Anne of Cleves, annulled.
1609 In a letter to the crown, the emperor Rudolf II granted 
 Bohemia freedom of worship.
1790 The Swedish navy captured one third of the Russian fleet 
 at the naval battle of Svensksund in the Baltic Sea.
1808 The leather-splitting machine was patented by Samuel Parker.
1816 Argentina declared independence from Spain.
1847 A 10-hour work day was established for workers in the 
 state of New Hampshire.
1872 The doughnut cutter was patented by John F. Blondel.
1877 Alexander Graham Bell, Gardiner Greene Hubbard, Thomas 
 Sanders and Thomas Watson formed the Bell Telephone Company.
1878 The corncob pipe was patented by Henry Tibbe.
1900 The Commonwealth of Australia was established by an act 
 of the British Parliament, uniting the separate colonies 
 under a federal government.
1943 American and British forces made an amphibious landing on Sicily.
1947 The engagement of Britain's Princess Elizabeth to Lt. Philip 
 Mountbatten was announced.
1951 U.S. President Truman asked Congress to formally end the 
state of war between the United States and Germany.
1953 New York Airways began the first commuter passenger service 
 by helicopter.
1971 The United States turned over complete responsibility 
 of the Demilitarized Zone to South Vietnamese units.
1997 Mike Tyson was banned from the boxing ring and fined 
 $3 million for biting the ear of opponent Evander Holyfield.
2005 Danny Way, a daredevil skateboarder, rolled down a 
 large ramp and jumped across the Great Wall of China. He 
 was the first person to clear the wall without motorized aid.
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, July 8.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Wannabe Model Charged With Obscenity After She 
"Exposed Her Genital Area" To Louisiana Jailer
Details at Boneheads

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1889 John L. Sullivan defeated Jake Kilrain, in the last 
 championship bare-knuckle fight. The fight lasted 75 rounds.




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





If everything seems under control, you're not going fast enough
--- Mario Andretti (1940 - ) 



Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! 
(Opens in a new tab, so that you don't lose this page)

Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of   
his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign   
on it saying "Free to good home, You want it you take it."   

For three days the fridge sat there without even one person   
looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were   
too un-trusting of this deal, looks to good to be true, so   
he changed the sign to read "Fridge for sale $5o". The next   
day someone stole it.   


Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
Boost Computer Speed
Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows®
Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs

It was the first day of school. The previous principal 
had just retired and a new principal just started. As 
the principal made his rounds, he heard a terrible 
commotion coming from one of the classrooms.

He rushed in and spotted one boy, taller than the others, 
who seemed to be making the most noise. He seized the lad, 
dragged him to the hall, and told him to wait there until 
he was excused.

Returning to the classroom, the principal restored order 
and lectured the class for half an hour about the 
importance of good behavior.

"Now," he said, "are there any questions?"

One girl stood up timidly. "Please sir," she asked, 
"May we have our teacher back?"




Click on the picture for the large version

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Devon Serpa, 29, Morgan City, Louisiana

Wannabe Model Charged With Obscenity After She 
"Exposed Her Genital Area" To Louisiana Jailer

After being arrested for her role in a Louisiana shooting, 
the aspiring model added an obscenity charge to her docket 
sheet after allegedly exposing herself to a male jailer, 
police report.

Serpa was collared Thursday afternoon in connection with a 
shooting last month in Morgan City, where the 29-year-old 
resides. No injuries were reported as a result of the June 
27 incident, though two vehicles were damaged by gunshots.

Upon Serpa’s incarceration, she “exposed her genital area 
to a male correctional officer during booking procedures 
and was additionally charged with Obscenity,” according 
to the Morgan City Police Department. She previously was 
charged with aggravated criminal damage to property and 
illegal use of a weapon.

Serpa, remains locked up.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Tammy
Re: Making screen Savers

Dear Webby,
As I have told you many times, I love your Dad's pictures of
his cacti. I would like to make them in to screen savers,
but my senior mind has forgot how. Can you help me?
I have learned many things from your computer tips and
enjoy the letter immensely. I like the links you have on left
side as they remind me to click on them & feed the poor,
animals, and the breast cancer sight. You do lots of good
for so many.
Many thanks,
Tammy

Dear Tammy
The easiest way to make a screensaver is this:
Use the Windows File Explorer to find your "My Pictures" 
folder.
Make a new folder inside that and call it Archive
Switch the File Explorer to Thumbnail view,
Click on Folders, so that it shows the folders on the left side.
(This works much better in Classical mode)
Drag all pictures that you don't want included in your
     screen saver into the "Archive" folder.
Save any new pictures, that you want included, into the
    "My Pictures" folder.
Right-click on the desktop, Properties, Appearance, Screensaver
Select "My Pictures"
Set the delay time, and hit OK a bunch of times.
From then on you will have a slide show of the pictures in
"My Pictures" as a screen saver.

The reason to move all the old pictures into the Archive 
folder is because some of them might not be appropriate
for a screensaver.
Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Clean Crock Pot With Denture Tablets
To clean a crock pot, fill it with water. Drop two or three 
denture tablets in and leave overnight to soak.

By duckie-do from Cortez, CO 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


A man is struck by a bus on a busy street in New York City.
He lies dying on the sidewalk as a crowd of spectators 
gathers around.

"A priest! Somebody get me a priest!" the man gasps. 
A policeman checks the crowd but finds no priest, no 
minister, no man of God of any kind.

"A PRIEST, PLEASE!" the dying man says again. Then out 
of the crowd steps a little old Jewish man of at least 
eighty years of age."Mr. Policeman," says the man, 
"I'm not a priest. I'm not even a Catholic. But for 
fifty years now I'm living behind St. Mary's Catholic 
Church on Third Avenue, and every night I'm listening 
to the Catholic litany. Maybe I can be of some comfort 
to this man."

The policeman agrees and brings the octogenarian over 
to the dying man. He kneels down, leans over the injured
and says in a solemn voice:

"Under the B - 4. 
Under the I - 19. 
Under the N - 38. 
Under the G - 54. 
Under the O - 72." 
BINGO!


It was Saturday morning as Jake, an avid hunter, woke up ready
to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the
 kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his
 wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage.

Jake asks her: "What are you up to?"
Alice smiles: "I'm going hunting with you!"

Jake, though he had many reservations about this, reluctantly
decides to take her along. Later they arrive at the hunting site.
Jake sets his wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her:
"If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I'll come running back
as soon as I hear the shot".

Jake walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn't
bag an elephant--much less a deer. Not 10 minutes
pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots.

Quickly, Jake starts running back. As Jake gets closer to her
stand, he hears Alice screaming: "Get away from my deer!"
Confused, Jake races faster towards his screaming wife. And again he
hears her yell: "Get away from my deer!" followed by another volley of
gunfire.

Now within sight of where he had left his wife, Jake is surprised to see a
cowboy, with his hands high in the air.
The cowboy, obviously distraught, says: "Okay, lady, okay!!!!
You can have your deer!!! Just let me get my saddle off it!"




» Flightless Birds




Today in 
1099 Christian soldiers on the First Crusade march trhough
 Jerusalem.
1608 The first French settlement at Quebec was established 
 by Samuel de Champlain.
1663 King Charles II of England granted a charter to 
 Rhode Island.
1693 Uniforms for police in New York City were authorized.
1709 Peter the Great defeated Charles XII at Poltava, in 
 the Ukraine, The Swedish empire was effectively ended.
1755 Britain broke off diplomatic relations with France as 
 their disputes in the New World intensified.
1794 French troops captured Brussels, Belgium.
1815 Louis XVIII returned to Paris after the defeat 
 of Napoleon.
1865 C.E. Barnes patented the machine gun.
1879 The first ship to use electric lights departed from 
 San Francisco, CA.
1881 Edward Berner, druggist in Two Rivers, WI, poured 
 chocolate syrup on ice cream in a dish. To this time 
 chocolate syrup had only been used for making ice-cream sodas.
1889 John L. Sullivan defeated Jake Kilrain, in the last 
 championship bare-knuckle fight. The fight lasted 75 rounds.
1950 General Douglas MacArthur was named commander-in-chief of 
 United Nations forces in Korea.
1960 The Soviet Union charged Gary Powers with espionage. He was 
 shot down in a U-2 spy plane.
1963 All Cuban-owned assets in the United States were frozen.
1981 The Solar Challenger became the frist solar-powered airplane 
 to cross the English Channel.
1986 Kurt Waldheim was inaugurated as president of Austria 
 despite controversy over his alleged ties to Nazi war crimes.
1997 NATO invited Poland, Hungary, and the Czech Republic to 
 join the alliance in 1999.
2010 The Solar Impulse completed the first 24-hour flight by 
a solar powered plane. 
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, July 7.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Meth Smoker Arrested For Carpet Munching
Details at Boneheads

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1846 U.S. annexation of California was proclaimed at Monterey 
 after the surrender of a Mexican garrison.




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





People with courage and character always
seem sinister to the rest.
--- Hermann Hesse

If I knew I was going to live this long, 
I'd have taken better care of myself.
--- Mickey Mantle (1931 - 1995)



Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! 
(Opens in a new tab, so that you don't lose this page)

Fred had been a faithful Christian and was in the hospital, near
death.  The family called their pastor to stand with them. As the
pastor stood next to the bed, Fred's condition appeared to
deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write
on. The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper,
and Fred used his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then he
died.  The pastor thought it best not to look at the note at that
time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket.

Several days later, at the funeral, as the pastor was finishing
the eulogy, he realized that he was wearing the same jacket that
he was wearing when Fred had died. He said, "you know, ol' Fred
handed me a note just before he died.  I haven't looked at it,
but knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there
for us all. I will let his wife read the note to us!"

She opened the note, and read aloud,
"Get lost you blathering idiot. 
You're standing on my oxygen tube!"


Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
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Just as John got in the door, after staying at the bar a bit
too long, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and
cuckooed 3 times. He realized his wife would probably wake
up, so he cuckooed another 9 times. He was really proud of
himself, having a quick witty solution, even when smashed, 
to escape a possible conflict.

Next morning the wife asked him what time he got in and he
told her 12 o'clock. She didn't seem disturbed at all. Whew!

Got away with that one!

She then told him that they needed a new cuckoo clock. When
he asked her why, she said "Well, it cuckooed 3 times, said
'Oh, f@#%,' cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat,
cuckooed another 3 times, snickered, and finally cuckooed
twice more, and then it farted."




Click on the picture for the large version

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Jeffrey Wagner, 50, Louisville, Ky.

Meth Smoker Arrested For Carpet Munching

Police in Louisville, Ky. say that 50-year-old Jeffrey Wagner 
admitted to smoking crystal meth before going into a 
Burlington Coat Factory store and having a veritable feast, 
WLKY reported.

Store employees told police they found Wagner in the shoe 
section chowing down on carpet lint.

He allegedly said he was "eating sparkles," WHAS 11 reported.

Police arrived at the scene, and say Wagner was carrying 
Lortabs, a bag of crystal meth, a bag of mysterious white 
powder and a bag of unidentified pills. He was charged with 
possession of a controlled substance and public intoxication.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Joyce
Re: Choice of picture viewer

Dear Webby,
Whenever someone sends me a picture attachment, the
Windows picture viewer pops up with the attachment. How
can I change it so that my Picasa shows the picture instead
of the Windows picture viewer? Is it even possible to change
it to something other than that?
Thanks and have a great weekend!
Sincerely,
Joyce


Dear Joyce
Go to MyComputer
Tools
Folder Options
DON'T do what Microsoft says. They are a bit confused 
about it. Instead click on
File Types
After a while, it will fill it's window with all the file 
types and shows what programs are associated with them.
Find JPG, and change it's file association to Picasa
then do the same for GIF and PNG.

When done, hit OK until you are out of all that.

Picasa may be going out of fashion, however, the same trick
also works for PaintShopPro, Photoshop, GIMP,and many other
graphics programs.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Foreman Grill For Cooking Salmon
Use your George Foreman grill, and it only takes 5 minutes 
(or less if the salmon is thinner). I season with a little 
garlic, onion powder, and some lemon pepper - delicious!

By Jana from Eden, NC 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


The company next door was encountering so many errors,
they are now seriously considering buying a computer to
blame them on.


A woman was looking for a used car to buy and saw an ad in the
classifieds.  It read: Brand new 2014 Mercedes Benz, slate blue,
loaded, etc.  Sell for $150.00.

She was astonished and decided to call the seller and check it
out. The woman selling the car was glad to show it to her and, to
her surprise, the car was in perfect condition.

She asked the woman, "What's the catch? Why are you selling this
car so cheaply?"

"Well," she said, "it's my husband's car actually, and he
recently ran off with his young secretary. I got a telegram from
him last week that read: 'In Miami. Need bail money. Sell car'."




» Silly Putty




Today in 
1754 Kings College opened in New York City. It was renamed 
 Columbia College 30 years later.
1846 U.S. annexation of California was proclaimed at Monterey 
 after the surrender of a Mexican garrison.
1862 The first railroad post office was tested on the Hannibal 
 and St. Joseph Railroad in Missouri.
1885 G. Moore Peters patented the cartridge-loading machine.
1920 A device known as the radio compass was used for the 
 first time on a U.S. Navy airplane near Norfolk, VA.
1930 Construction began on Boulder Dam, later Hoover Dam, 
 on the Colorado River.
1937 Japanese forces invaded China.
1946 Mother Frances Xavier Cabrini was canonized as the 
 first American saint.
1950 The U.N. Security Council authorized military aid 
 for South Korea.
1969 Canada's House of Commons gave final approval to a 
 measure that made the French language equal to English 
 throughout the national government.
1981 U.S. President Reagan announced he was nominating 
 Arizona Judge Sandra Day O'Connor to become the first 
 female justice on the U.S. Supreme Court.
1983 Eleven-year-old Samantha Smith of Manchester, Maine, 
 left for a visit to the Soviet Union at the personal 
 invitation of Soviet leader Yuri V. Andropov.
1998 A jury in Santa Monica, CA, convicted Mikail Markhasev 
 of murdering Ennis Cosby, Bill Cosby's only son, during a 
 roadside robbery.
2000 Cisco Systems Inc. announced that it would buy Netiverse 
 Inc. for $210 million in stock. It was the 13th time Cisco 
 had purchased a company in 2000.
2000 Amazon.com announced that they had sold almost 400,000 
 copies of "Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire," making it 
 the biggest selling book in e-tailing history.
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, July 6.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida man charged with hit-and-run 
that killed 3 women
Details at Boneheads

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1923 The Union of Soviet Socialist Republics was established.




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





Feed a fever, starve a cold. Lightly sup with rickets.
--- Takayuki Ikkaku, Arisa Hosaka and Toshihiro Kawabata,



Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! 
(Opens in a new tab, so that you don't lose this page)

Tom had proposed to young Maureen and was being
interviewed by his prospective father-in-law.
"Do you think you are earning enough to
support a family?" the older man asked the suitor.

"Yes, sir", replied Tom, "I'm sure I am."

"Think carefully now," said Maureen's father warningly.
"There are twelve of us."


Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
Boost Computer Speed
Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows®
Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs

Ancient Classic:
Stevie Wonder is playing his first gig in Tokyo and the 
place is absolutely packed to the rafters. In a bid to 
break the ice with his new audience He asks if anyone 
would like him to play a request. 
A little old Japanese man jumps out of his seat in the 
first row and shouts at the top of his voice 
"Play a Jazz chord! Play a jazz chord!"

Amazed that this guy knows about the jazz influences 
in Stevie's varied career, the blind impresario starts 
to play an E minor scale and then goes into a difficult 
jazz melody for about 10 minutes. When he finishes the 
whole place goes wild. The little old man jumps up again 
and shouts "No, no, play a Jazz chord, play a Jazz chord".

A bit peeved by this, Stevie, being the professional that 
he is, dives straight into a jazz improvisation with his 
band around the B-flat minor chord and really tears the 
place apart. The crowd goes wild with this impromptu show 
of his technical expertise. 

The little old man jumps up again. "No, no. Play a Jazz chord, 
play a jazz chord".

Well and truly peeved that this little guy doesn't seem to 
appreciate his playing ability. Stevie says to him from the 
stage "OK smart alek, You get up here and do it!"

The little old man climbs up onto the stage, takes hold of 
the mike and starts to sing:
"A jazz chord to say I ruv you..."


Thanks to Nanarina for this one


Click on the picture for the large version

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Marquice Lamonz Anderson, 27, St. Petersburg, Florida

Florida man charged with hit-and-run 
that killed 3 women

Police in Florida are searching for a man suspected of 
driving a vehicle involved in a fiery hit-and-run crash 
that killed three Tampa Bay-area women.

St. Petersburg Police spokesman Mike Puetz said Saturday 
that 27-year-old Marquice Lamonz Anderson is being sought on 
warrants that include charges of vehicular homicide, leaving 
the scene of an accident involving death, driving on a 
suspended license and violation of probation.

Authorities say Anderson was driving a four-door Chrysler 200 
the wrong way down a street early Thursday morning when it 
crashed into a Saturn vehicle with three female occupants.
Two of the women — 23-year-old Briana Lequinda Campbell and 
21-year-old Jamesia Chera Santoria Lang — remained in the 
burning car and were pronounced dead at the scene. A third, 
25-year-old Grace Lashawn Collie, died at a Tampa hospital 
Friday.

Anderson has numerous past arrests on drug-related charges 
and was on probation at the time of the accident.

they believe he is hiding and knows officers are looking 
for him.

A cash reward is being offered for information that leads 
to his arrest.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: C.B.
Re: Malwarebytes Kudos

Dear Webby:
 Thank you so much for your help with my problem concerning 
the Fake McAfee Trojan and the Iyogi Group that tried to 
swindle me out of $199.00...I have deleted all their 
programs that they installed on my computer and then called 
my credit card company to ask them to remove the disputed 
charges (the credit card company will conduct their own 
investigation).
 
I purchased the MalwareBytes Anti-malware and it seems to 
be doing its job....no more "fake Trojan" warnings, etc. 
Thank you so much for advising me about this great program 
and any computer I have in the future will always have 
this program. 
 
I hope you had a Happy and safe 4th of July!  now.......
on with the rest of the year!!
 
C. B.

Dear C.B.
Thanks for telling us about your success!

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Dryer Lint Firestarter
I use dryer lint in a cardboard egg carton and drizzle old 
candle wax from scented candles that have lost their 
fragrance. It works best from the jar candles on a candle 
warmer. Once it has cooled, I cut the sections of egg 
cradles to separate and put in a ziplock to keep dry. Just 
light the corner of the cardboard when placed under your 
tinder. Works great for charcoal BBQ's too!

Source: I combined several tips.

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


Thanks to Connie for this:

Q: How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: One. ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one
else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even
know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the
dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured
it out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact
that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS.
But if they did, by some miracle, actually find the light bulbs, TWO
DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand
on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!
AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID @*!#$%
LIGHT BULBS CAME IN! WHY?! BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES
OUT THE GARBAGE!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE
PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE.
THE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS . . .

I'm sorry. . .what did you ask me?


A young and arrogant pilot wanted to "show off" on the
aviation frequencies as he was approaching an airfield
during the night.  So, he disregarded policy and, instead
of making an official request to the tower, he said,
"Guess who?"

The air traffic controller switched the field lights off
and replied, "Guess where?"




» Storm Facts




Today in 
1483 King Richard III of England was crowned.
1699 Captain William Kidd, the pirate, was captured in 
 Boston, MA, and deported back to England.
1777 British forces captured Fort Ticonderoga during the 
 American Revolution.
1858 Lyman Blake patented the shoe manufacturing machine.
1885 Louis Pasteur successfully tested his anti-rabies 
 vaccine. The child used in the test later became the 
 director of the Pasteur Institute.
1905 Fingerprints were exchanged for the first time between 
 officials in Europe and the U.S. The person in question 
 was John Walker.
1917 During World War I, Arab forces led by T.E. Lawrence 
 captured the port of Aqaba from the Turks.
1919 A British dirigible landed in New York at Roosevelt 
 Field. It completed the first crossing of the Atlantic Ocean 
 by an airship.
1923 The Union of Soviet Socialist Republics was established.
1942 Diarist Anne Frank and her family took refuge from the 
 Nazis in Amsterdam.
1967 The Biafran War erupted. The war lasted two-and-a-half 
 years. About 600,000 people died.
1981 Former President of Argentina Isabel Peron was freed 
 after five years of house arrest by a federal court.
1981 The Dupont Company announced an agreement to purchase 
 Conoco, Inc. (Continental Oil Co.) for $7 billion. At the 
 time it was the largest merger in corporate history.
1988 Several popular beaches were closed in New York City 
 due to medical waste and other debris began washing up on 
 the seashores.
1989 The U.S. Army destroyed its last Pershing 1-A missiles 
 at an ammunition plant in Karnack, TX. The dismantling was 
 under the terms of the 1987 Intermediate-range Nuclear 
 Forces Treaty.
1997 The Mars Pathfinder released Sojourner, a robot rover on 
 the surface of Mars. The spacecraft landed on the red planet 
 on July 4th.
1998 Protestants rioted in many parts of Northern Ireland 
 after British authorities blocked an Orange Order march 
 in Portadown.
2000 A jury awarded former NHL player Tony Twist $24 million 
 for the unauthorized use of his name in the comic book 
 Spawn and the HBO cartoon series. Co-defendant HBO settled 
 with Twist out of court for an undisclosed amount. 
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning,  !

Today is Saturday, July 5.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida man charged with making meth on beach
Details at Boneheads

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1946 The bikini bathing suit, created by Louis Reard, made 
 its debut during a fashion show at the Molitor Pool in 
 Paris. Micheline Bernardini wore the two-piece outfit.




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





One of the indictments of civilizations is that 
happiness and intelligence are so rarely found 
in the same person.
--- William Feather (1908 - 1976)



Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! 
(Opens in a new tab, so that you don't lose this page)

>From Roland
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with 
four young mothers and their small children.

"You all have obsessions," he observed. To the first mother, 
Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even 
named your daughter Candy."

He turned to the 2nd mom, Ann and said, "Your obsession is 
with money.  Again, it manifests itself in your child's 
name, Penny."

He turned to the 3rd mom, Joyce. "Your obsession is alcohol. 
This too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy."

At this point, the 4th mother, Mrs Smith, quietly got up, 
took her little boy by the hand, and whispered,
"Come on, Dick, this guy has no idea what he's talking about. 
Let's pick up Peter and Willy from school and go get dinner
for Rolly."


Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
Boost Computer Speed
Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows®
Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs

The stockbroker's secretary answered his phone one morning.
"I'm sorry," she said, "Mr. Bradford's on another line."

"This is Mr. Ingram's office," the caller said.  "We'd like
to know if he's bullish or bearish right now."

"He's talking to his wife," the secretary replied.
"Right now I'd say he's sheepish."


Thanks to Nanarina for this one


Click on the picture for the large version

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Charles Tapp, 24, 

Florida man charged with making meth on beach

Charles J. Tapp is accused of making methamphetamine in his 
car at a Florida beach.

The beach is a place for surf, sun and sand -- not meth 
making. However, a man in St. Petersburg, Florida, is 
facing drug charges after allegedly cooking up 
methamphetamine in his truck at Gandy Beach.

Charles J. Tapp, 24, was arrested June 14 after deputies 
in Pinellas County noticed a dark colored Chevy Silverado 
parked along the beach's tree line.

Tapp was in the truck as were several needles. 
An investigation of the vehicle turned up other items that 
indicated the suspect was making meth in it, WTSP TV reports.
Tapp was arrested on charges of possessing methamphetamine 
and unlawful possession of pseudoephedrine and hydrochloric 
gas, chemicals used to make methamphetamine.

Police said that Tapp admitted to manufacturing meth during 
questioning, according to the Tampa Bay Times.

He was taken to the Pinellas County jail, and later released 
on $10,000 bail, according to the jail's website.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Len
Re: Make FF restore old sessions

Good morning Webby
Yesterday, you mentioned that any good browser will open up 
with all 127 tabs that were open when it was last closed. 
Firefox used to do that on my computer but stopped doing 
so several months ago, before the big upgrade.
Is there something I can do to change that back?
Thanks for all you do
Len

Dear Len
The only real reason to turn that off is when many people
use the same machine, and you don't want to let any of the
others restore YOUR sessions. Any other time, it is best
to leave Sessionrestore turned on.

In the address bar, type in:
about:config 
and hit Enter. You'll get a warning, ignore that.
Now, find "browser.sessionstore.resume_from_crash" in the list. 
Double-click that entry, and turn it to true
OK out of there and it is done.
There may be some weird exception, where some Windows setting
will interfere with Sessionrestore, but so far I have not
found anything about that setting.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Removing Dry Erase Marker from Clothes
I let my little grandson scribble with a dry erase marker 
and he got it all over his shirt. I was really surprised 
that it would be so difficult to get out. I tried all the 
tips listed, except for the ink remover. Alcohol did 
nothing, Goof-off did nothing. Murphy's Oil Soap finally 
began to budge the color. Then I remembered my Spot Shot 
carpet cleaner. That took it right out. 

Now, was it a combination of everything that went before 
or just the Spot Shot I am not sure. I am so grateful 
something works. 

By easytoremember [1]

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


A newspaper reporter for the Los Angeles Times had received
instructions from his senior editor to get photographs of a brush fire
in the foothills of northern California. The instructions included
hurrying to the Santa Monica Airport to board a small plane, taking
some photos of the fire, and hurrying back by noon with the story.

The reporter dressed quickly, rushed to the airport, saw the small
plane waiting on the runway, drove his car to the end of the runway,
parked, and climbed on board. Off they flew into the clear blue skies.

At about 5,000 feet, the reporter took out his camera and said to the
man flying the plane, "Bank right and I'll take some pictures of this
fire."

Then he heard the most frightening questions of his life, "Bank right?
How do I do that? You ARE the instructor, aren't you?"


A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about
a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside-down
pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so
impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner.
After some wheeling and dealing they settled for $10,000 for
the duck and the pot.

Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in
anger, "Your duck is a rip-off! I put him on the pot before a
whole audience and he didn't dance a single step!"

"So?" asked the ducks former owner, "did you remember to light
the candle under the pot?"




» Iconic Food Maps




Today in 
1806 A Spanish army repelled the British during their 
 attempt to retake Buenos Aires, Argentina.
1811 Venezuela became the first South American country 
 to declare independence from Spain.
1814 U.S. troops under Jacob Brown defeated a superior 
 British force at Chippewa, Canada.
1830 France occupied the North African city of Algiers.
1832 The German government began curtailing freedom of 
 the press after German Democrats advocated a revolt 
 against Austrian rule.
1839 British naval forces bombarded Dingai on Zhoushan 
 Island in China and then occupied it.
1863 U.S. Federal troops occupied Vicksburg, MS, and 
 distributed supplies to the citizens.
1892 Andrew Beard was issued a patent for the rotary engine.
1935 U.S. President Roosevelt signed the National Labor 
 Relations Act into law. The act authorized labor to organize 
 for the purpose of collective bargaining.
1940 During World War II, Britain and the Vichy government 
 in France broke diplomatic relations.
1941 German troops reached the Dnieper River in the Soviet Union.
1943 The battle of Kursk began as German tanks attacked 
 the Soviet salient. It was the largest tank battle in history.
1946 The bikini bathing suit, created by Louis Reard, made 
 its debut during a fashion show at the Molitor Pool in 
 Paris. Micheline Bernardini wore the two-piece outfit.
1948 Britain's National Health Service Act went into effect, 
 providing government-financed medical and dental care.
1950 U.S. forces engaged the North Koreans for the first 
 time at Osan, South Korea.
1951 Dr. William Shockley announced that he had invented 
 the junction transistor.
1962 Algeria became independent after 132 years of French rule.
1984 The U.S. Supreme Court weakened the 70-year-old 
 "exclusionary rule," deciding that evidence seized with 
 defective court warrants could be used against defendants 
 in criminal trials.
1989 Former U.S. National Security Council aide Oliver North 
 received a $150,000 fine and a suspended prison term for 
 his part in the Iran-Contra affair. The convictions were 
 later overturned.
1991 Regulators shut down the Pakistani-managed Bank of 
 Credit and Commerce International (BCCI) in eight 
 countries. The charge was fraud, drug money laundering 
 and illegal infiltration into the U.S. banking system.
1998 Japan joined U.S. and Russia in space exploration 
 with the launching of the Planet-B probe to Mars.
2000 Jordanian security agents shot and killed a Syrian 
 hijacker after he threw a grenade that exploded and 
 wounded 15 passengers aboard a Royal Jordanian airliner.
2000 Euan Blair, the oldest son of British prime minister 
Tony Blair, was arrested after police found him drunk 
 and lying on the ground in London's Leicester Square. 
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, July 4.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


If you are in the USA, Happy Independence Day!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Utah woman, who tried to buy meth from cop 
as a birthday gift for her sister
Details at Boneheads

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
2009 The Statue of Liberty's crown reopened to visitors. 
 It had been closed to the public since 2001.




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





Washington is a city of Southern efficiency and 
Northern charm.
--- John F. Kennedy (1917 - 1963)



Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! 
(Opens in a new tab, so that you don't lose this page)

Out canvassing for a charity, my friend Irene and I knocked
at a door. It was opened by a huge bear of a man, who was
wearing a large black bra, over his shirt.

Irene, being a devout  Catholic, crossed herself, backed up
ready to make a fast retreat.  I asked politely for a donation,
trying to keep my eyes from wandering to his protruding
undergarment.
He grinned evilly at me, "Wanna feel em?"

Horrified, I turned to leave, when one side of his bra came
alive with motion. Irene was now crossing herself with a
flurry, muttering, "Jaysus,  Mary and Murphy."

She was begging the saints to protect  her, when a tiny
tail flipped out of his bra.
"Oh my sweet Lord," she squealed, "He's got rats in his
boobs," bolted for the car, offering up 'Hail Mary's.' as
she tore off the porch.

An old lady came out of the house, glared at the man, who
just grinned back. He put his hands up to cradle both cups,
which were now writhing with movement.

She turned to me asking, "Did he ask you to play with them?"
"Yes", I gulped.

"Well," she said, patting my hand,  " He's not too bright,
but it's not what you think."

She ordered him to pull his bra out so I could peek inside.
Hesitantly I watched, while he pulled the garment down.
When I got a good look I burst out laughing.
Tiny muzzles with whiskers, long sinuous bodies, small
heads with  bright beady eyes, stared back at me.

"Their mama died," he explained, " This bra is the perfect
place to keep them warm."
Both cups were filled to the brim with tiny baby ferrets.


Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
Boost Computer Speed
Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows®
Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs

An instructor was sitting in his office one afternoon when an attractive,
sexy-looking lady knocked on his door.

"Yes?", he replied, "how may I help you?"

The lady said, "I need to talk to you about my grade in your class."

"Come in and have a seat," said the instructor.

"Is there anything I can do to get an "A" in your class?"

"What do you mean by *anything*?" he replied.

She said, "Anything!"

"Anything??"

She said, in her best sultry voice, "I mean ANYTHING."

The instructor got up from behind his desk, sat down beside
her and whispered in her ear, "Would you
...
....


study?"


Thanks to Nanarina for this one


Click on the picture for the large version

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Heather Rodriguez, 46, Provo, Utah

Woman tried to buy meth from cop as
birthday gift for her sister

Police in Provo, Utah, have arrested a 46-year-old woman 
accused of attempting to buy methamphetamine from an 
off-duty police officer and claiming the purchase was a 
birthday gift for her sister.

A police report shows Heather Rodriguez was arrested 
Monday evening after she approached the off-duty officer 
and displayed a glass pipe.

Authorities say she then told police she was trying to 
buy methamphetamine for her sister's birthday.

Records say she also told police the pipe was not hers 
and she was holding it for a friend.

The Daily Herald reports Rodriguez was arrested and 
booked into the Utah County Jail on several drug charges.  
They did not state wheter she always looks like she had 
been left on the back of a pick-up too long, or if she 
tried that hairdo on purpose.


The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: CB
Re: Fake McAfee virus

Dear Webby:
I have had a lot of computer issues lately which started 
with a popup message from McAfee that said I had a Trojan 
on my computer..  I could not get the pop up window to 
go away so I googled a help number for McAfee Anti-Virus 
plus and found an 800 number.  I called it and "assumed" 
I was talking to McAfee Technical support...to make a 
long story short, I was actually connected with a company 
named IYOGI and they told me they could fix all my problems 
with their program- IYOGI Support Dock- $169.99 and a 
program called Total Defense- $29.99.  Our of sheer 
frustration I agreed to this and they immediately charged 
my credit card.  They did however, that evening, after 
4 hours on the phone with them, and they had remote 
control of my computer, seem to fix the problem.
 
The next day more troubles....................temp files, 
many of them, all over my desktop.  I restarted the 
computer hoping that this would get rid of all the temp 
file but when I did, all I got was a blue screen saying 
Windows was configuring my computer..Do Not Turn your 
computer OFF.  It froze at 35% and nothing else happened.
I called the IYOGI people back because they had promised 
for the money I paid them, they would be available anytime 
I had computer problems. After another lengthy session on 
the phone with them, and they again had remote control of 
my computer, they advised I URGENTLY need to upgrade to 
Windows 8 instead of the Windows 7 Home Premium that I 
have and they tried to sell me Windows 8 for $170.00.  
I told them no thanks and they said that my Windows 7 
Home Premium is what is causing all the problems and 
that the program is obsolete. 
I guess I have been duped by these people and I am 
embarrassed with myself that I didn't have the good 
sense to tell them no thanks, when I found out they 
were not McAfee.  When you Google "McAfee Anti-Virus Plus" 
support help, their 800 number comes up.  
Is that even legal?
 
I don't know what the future is for my computer...
is there any truth to what they said...that I should 
get Windows 8 installed on my computer?
 
Webby, thanks so much for any insight you can give me 
regarding this.  I so appreciate your newsletter, and you!!
C. B.

Dear CB
Sounds like you have been conned.
Call your credit card company, report the crooks and 
cancel the charges.

Those pop-ups are not from McAfee, but from the crooks.
The same with the redirection of your browser to the 
fake McAfee site. 

As I have mentioned on this topic before,
you need Malwarebytes to get rid of that 
Fake Mcafee Trojan.

Both the fake and the REAL McAfee are scared of Malwarebytes.
That is like both crooks and victims pissing themselves, 
when they see ROBO-COP.
 
Ignore their hysterical warnings abut Malwarebytes interfering 
with their stuff.

Go ahead and let Malwarebytes clean up the mess.

IYOGI may have  damaged your Windows7, but you or a local 
computer fixer can safely re-install Windows7 with a minimum 
of fuss or cost, 
AFTER you have made it safe with Malwarebytes.

You do NOT need W8. It is even worse than W7 for you anyway.

The REAL McAfee has nothing to do with your problem, and calling 
them is a waste of time. 

Proof, that the real Mcafee DOES need Malwarebytes on the side, 
to protect it from the fake one, is that the real McAfee was 
NOT able to stop the fake McAfee from infecting your machine.
Mosquito mesh keeps out the bugs, but bears walk right 
through it.

McAfee is OK for simple, every-day nuisances, but you do 
need Malwarebytes to protect  the real Mcafee from the 
fake Mcafee and similar really dangerous stuff.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Glowsticks Instead Of Fireworks 
For The Fourth Of July 
We camp on the 4th of July in an area where fireworks are 
not allowed so we came up with this idea. Buy red, white 
and blue, (or whatever colors you choose) glowsticks, 
necklaces, etc. at your local 99 cent store. On the 4th, 
snap your glow sticks and play games of throwing them back 
and forth, or have contests to see how high someone can 
throw them in the air. We get creative every year we play 
with glowsticks on the 4th. It's so fun.

By Marianne from Sacramento, CA 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


Usually the secretary at my son's school answers when I call,   
but on this occasion I spoke to an unfamiliar voice. I men-   
tioned this to my 11-year-old son and asked if he knew who it   
was.   

"It could have been Mrs. Campbell," he answered after thinking   
it over. "Did it sound like she was a stuffed shirt wearing a 
blue jacket?"  


When the wise company president learned that his employees   
were tanking up on no-trace vodka martinis during their   
lunch hours, he issued the following memo:   

To all employees; If you must drink during your lunch hour,   
please drink whiskey.  It is better for our customers to   
know you're drunk than to think you're stupid.   




» Well Stocked Kitchen




Today in 
1776 The amended Declaration of Independence, prepared by 
 Thomas Jefferson, was approved and signed by John Hancock, 
 the President of the Continental Congress in America.
1802 The U.S. Military Academy officially opened at West 
 Point, NY.
1803 The Louisiana Purchase was announced in newspapers. The 
 property was purchased, by the U.S. from France, was for 
 $15 million (or 3 cents an acre). The "Corps of Discovery," 
 led by Meriwether Lewis and William Clark, began the 
 exploration of the territory on May 14, 1804.
1817 Construction began on the Erie Canal, to connect Lake 
 Erie and the Hudson River.
1845 American writer Henry David Thoreau began his two-year 
 experiment in simple living at Walden Pond, near Concord, MA.
1884 Bullfighting was introduced in the U.S. in Dodge City, KS.
1886 The first rodeo in USA was held at Prescott, AZ.
1892 The first double-decked street car service was inaugurated 
 in San Diego, CA.
1894 After seizing power, Judge Stanford B. Dole declared Hawaii 
 a republic.
1901 William H. Taft became the American governor of the 
 Philippines.
1910 Race riots broke out all over the United States after 
 African-American Jack Johnson knocked out Jim Jeffries in 
 a heavyweight boxing match.
1934 Boxer Joe Louis won his first professional fight.
1934 At Mount Rushmore, George Washington's face was dedicated.
1946 The Philippines achieved full independence for the first 
 time in over four hundred years.
1955 The first king cobra snakes born in captivity in the 
 U.S. hatched at the Bronx Zoo in New York City.
1960 The 50-star U.S. flag made its debut in Philadelphia, PA.
1966 U.S. President Johnson signed the Freedom of Information 
 Act, which went into effect the following year.
1976 The U.S. celebrated its Bicentennial.
1987 Klaus Barbie, the former Gestapo chief known as the 
 "Butcher of Lyon," was convicted by a French court of 
 crimes against humanity and sentenced to life in prison.
1997 The Mars Pathfinder, an unmanned spacecraft, landed 
 on Mars. A rover named Sojourner was deployed to gather 
 data about the surface of the planet.
1997 Ferry service between Manhattan and Staten Island was 
 made free of charge. Previously, the charge had ranged 
 from 5 cents to 50 cents.
2004 In New York, the cornerstone of the Freedom Tower was 
 laid on the former World Trade Center site.
2005 NASA's Deep Impact spacecraft took pictures as a space 
 probe smashed into the Tempel 1 comet. The mission was 
 aimed at learning more about comets that formed from the 
 leftover buidling blocks of the solar system. The Deep 
 Impact mission launched on January 12, 2005.
2009 North Korea launched seven ballistic missiles into 
 waters off its east coast that defied U.N. resolutions.
2009 The Statue of Liberty's crown reopened to visitors. 
 It had been closed to the public since 2001.
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning,  !

Today is Thursday, July 3.

Ezinefinder is working again!
You can finally vote again!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Spurned floriduh woman, who pulled knife on man
Details at Boneheads

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1981 The Associated Press ran its first story about two rare 
 illnesses afflicting homosexual men. One of the diseases 
 was later named AIDS.




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





There is only one thing a philosopher can be relied upon 
to do, and that is to contradict other philosophers.
--- William James (1842 - 1910)   



Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! 
(Opens in a new tab, so that you don't lose this page)

>From Donny
We are advised to NOT judge ALL Muslims by the actions of 
a few lunatics, but we are told to judge ALL gun owners 
by the actions of a few lunatics. 
Funny how that works. 


Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
Boost Computer Speed
Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows®
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>From Mary
My 20th high school class reunion was held at a hotel on the   
same night that another school's 10th-year reunion was taking   
place.   

While my girl friends and I were in the rest room talking,   
some unfamiliar women entered. After their stares became   
uncomfortable, we turned toward them. One of the women said,   
"Don't mind us. We just wanted to see how we'd look in   
another 10 years."   


Thanks to Nanarina for this one


Click on the picture for the large version

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Elizabeth Highley,56, Floriduh

 Spurned Woman Pulled Knife On Man

A 56-year-old Florida woman is facing an assault rap after 
allegedly threatening a 25-year-old man with a knife after 
he “rejected her sexual advances,” police report.

Elizabeth Highley (seen above) is scheduled to be arraigned 
July 11 on the felony charge, for which she is free on 
$3500 bail.

According to an arrest affidavit, Elizabeth Highley was 
entertaining victim Crue Finley in her Jensen Beach home 
when trouble began around midnight on June 16. Finley 
told St. Lucie County Sheriff’s Office deputies that he 
and Highley “are not a couple.”

Finley, investigators reported, said that Elizabeth Highley 
“wanted to have sex,“ but he “rejected her sexual advances 
causing her to become angry and violent.” Elizabeth Highley
allegedly grabbed a knife and sliced Finley’s left thumb as 
he fled her Windmill Village home.

Cops subsequently encountered Elizabeth Highley as she ran 
after Finley, who is pictured below in an unrelated mug shot. 
Elizabeth Highley, carrying a large knife and a broken 
wooden cane, complied with Officer Paul Hutchinson’s order 
to drop the weapons and lie down on the ground.

Elizabeth Highley, the cop noted, was “angry, crying and 
appeared to be intogschiggated” when taken into custody. 
She was released later in the day after posting bail on 
the aggravated assault count.




The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Donny
Re: Shut down W7

Dear Webby
Thank You !
Webpages have been freezing a lot lately and I 
Never shut down completely.
 
Guess I should (once a week ?) 
Donny

Dear Donny
Hit CTRL SHIFT ESC

That will bring up the task manager.
Sort by the MEMOry column.
If your browser is at the top, and shows a high number, 
highlight it, and hit END PROCESS in the bottom right 
corner.

It will ask you if that is the program you want to 
shut down.
Hit OK, and your browser is off.
Just restart the browser after that. The good browsers 
will let you return to the 127 open tabs, 
which you had open in order to bung it up.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Getting Rid of Ants Without Poison 
I have had great success this year with using cinnamon on 
my kitchen counter and windowsill to keep the sugar ants 
at bay. So when I found ants congregating near my garage 
wall, I knew just what to do.

We had recently moved a fridge and there was some leftover 
gunk underneath that the ants found. There were hundreds of 
them feasting. I went and grabbed my Costco sized spice 
bottle and then covered them with a heavy coating of cinnamon. 
Immediately, the ants scatter. They do not like the cinnamon 
at all. Within a few minutes, they were gone. I'll reapply 
cinnamon if I see any places where the ants are still getting 
through. It is non-toxic and frugal.

By Jess [112]

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


Thanks to Sandie for this story:
A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she
collapses from a heart attack!

'Help me dear,' she groans to her husband.

The husband dials 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few
minutes, picks up his putter, and lines up his putt.

His wife raises her head off the gr! een and stares at him.
'I'm dying over here and you're putting?'

'Don't worry dear', says the husband calmly. 'they found a
doctor on the second hole and he's coming to help you'.

'Well how long will it take for him to get here', 
she asks feebly?!

'No time at all', says her husband, practicing his putting
stroke.  Everybody's already agreed to let him play through'!


KNOW YOUR STATE MOTTO..

Alabama
Hell Yeah, We Have Electricity.

Alaska
11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!

Arizona
Yeah, But It's A Dry Heat.

Arkansas
Lituracy Ain't Everythang.

California
By 30, Our Women Have More
Plastic Than Your Honda.

Colorado
If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother.

Connecticut
Like Massachusetts , only smaller

Delaware
We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water.

Florida
Ask Us About Our Grandkids
And Our Voting Skills.

Georgia
We Put The Fun In Fundamentalist Extremism.

Hawaii
Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru
(Death To Mainland Scum, Leave Your Money)

Idaho
More Than Just Potatoes...
Well, Okay, We're Not, But The
Potatoes Sure Are Real Good

Illinois
Please, Don't Pronounce the "S"

Indiana
2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free

Iowa
We Do Amazing Things With Corn

Kansas
First Of The Rectangle States

Kentucky
Five Million People;
Fifteen Last Names

Louisiana
We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos,
But That's Our Tourism Campaign.

Maine
We're Really Cold, But We
Have Cheap Lobster

Maryland
If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It

Massachusetts
Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden 's And Our
Senators Are More Corrupt!

Michigan
First Line Of Defense Against The Canadians

Minnesota
10,000 Lakes... And 10 Zillion Mosquitoes

Mississippi
Come visit And Feel Better About Your Own State

Missouri
Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work

Montana
Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-wing
Crazies, and Honest Elections!

Nebraska
Ask About Our State Motto Contest

Nevada
Hookers and Poker!

New Hampshire
Go Away And Leave Us Alone

New Jersey
You Want A ##$%##! Motto?
I Got Your ##$%##! Motto Right here!

New Mexico
Lizards Make Excellent Pets

New York
You Have The Right To Remain Silent,
You Have The Right To An Attorney...
And No Right To Self Defense!

North Carolina
Tobacco Is A Vegetable

North Dakota
We Really Are One Of The 50 States!

Ohio
At Least We're Not Michigan

Oklahoma
Like The Play, But No Singing

Oregon
Spotted Owl.. It's What's For Dinner

Pennsylvania
Cook With Coal

Rhode Island
We're Not REALLY An Island

South Carolina
Remember The Civil War?
Well, We Didn't Actually Surrender Yet

South Dakota
Closer Than North Dakota

Tennessee
Home of the Al Gore Invention Museum

Texas
Se Hable Ingles

Utah
Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus

Vermont
Too liberal for the Kennedy's

Virginia
Who Says Government Stiffs And
Slackjawed Yokels Don't Mix?

Washington
Our Governor can out-fraud your Governor!

West Virginia
One Big Happy Family...Really!

Wisconsin
Come Cut the Cheese!

Wyoming
Where Men Are Men... And The Sheep Are Scared
Home of Brokeback Mtn.

The District of Columbia
The Work-Free Drug Place !




» Last Post bout Horses




Today in 
1608 The city of Quebec was founded by Samuel de Champlain.
1775 U.S. Gen. George Washington took command of the 
 Continental Army at Cambridge, MA.
1790 In Paris, the marquis of Condorcet proposed granting 
 civil rights to women.
1844 Ambassador Caleb Cushing successfully negotiated a 
 commercial treaty with China that opened five Chinese ports 
 to U.S. merchants and protected the rights of American 
 citizens in China.
1863 The U.S. Civil War Battle of Gettysburg, PA, ended 
 after three days. It was a major victory for the North 
 as Confederate troops retreated.
1871 The Denver and Rio Grande Western Railroad Company 
 introduced the first narrow-gauge locomotive. It was 
 called the "Montezuma."
1878 John Wise flew the first American dirigible in 
 Lancaster, PA.
1898 During the Spanish American War, a fleet of Spanish 
 ships in Cuba's Santiago Harbor attempted to run a 
 blockade of U.S. naval forces. Nearly all of the Spanish 
 ships were destroyed in the battle that followed.
1903 The first cable across the Pacific Ocean was spliced 
 between Honolulu, Midway, Guam and Manila.
1939 Chic Young’s comic strip character, "Blondie" was first 
 heard on CBS radio.
1940 Bud Abbott and Lou Costello debuted on NBC radio.
1944 The U.S. First Army opened a general offensive to 
 break out of the hedgerow area of Normandy, France.
1944 During World War II, Soviet forces recaptured Minsk.
1945 U.S. troops landed at Balikpapan and take Sepinggan 
 airfield on Borneo in the Pacific.
1945 The first civilian passenger car built since February 
 1942 was driven off the assembly line at the Ford Motor 
 Company plant in Detroit, MI. Production had been diverted 
 due to World War II.
1950 U.S. carrier-based planes attacked airfields in the 
 Pyongyang-Chinnampo area of North Korea in the first 
 air-strike of the Korean War.
1954 Food rationing ended in Great Britain almost nine years 
 after the end of World War II.
1974 The Threshold Test Ban Treaty was signed, prohibiting 
 underground nuclear weapons tests with yields greater than 
 150 kilotons.
1981 The Associated Press ran its first story about two rare 
 illnesses afflicting homosexual men. One of the diseases 
 was later named AIDS.
1986 U.S. President Reagan presided over a ceremony in 
 New York Harbor that saw the relighting of the renovated 
 Statue of Liberty.
1991 U.S. President George H.W. Bush formally inaugurated 
 the Mount Rushmore National Memorial in South Dakota. 
 National Memorial in South Dakota. 
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, July 2.

Ezinefinder is working again!
You can finally vote again!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Giggling woman busted for crashing truck, 
twice, and eating her pot in cop car
Details at Boneheads

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1980 U.S. President Jimmy Carter reinstated draft registration for 
 males 18 years of age.




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





The true measure of a man is how he treats someone 
who can do him absolutely no good.
--- Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784) 



Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! 
(Opens in a new tab, so that you don't lose this page)

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be
yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys.
Boys need someone to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET
MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8


Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
Boost Computer Speed
Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows®
Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs

Style and fashion intrude into all walks of our lives. Two fellows
who had been rivals all their lives followed different career
paths. One eventually became an Admiral in the Navy, the
other went into the Catholic Church and became a Bishop.

As fate would have it, they happened to meet at the Airport.
The Bishop spied the Admiral first and said loudly,
"Oh Porter, from what gate is the flight to Dallas leaving?"
The Admiral approached, bowed, and said
"Gate 7 Madame, but should you be traveling in your condition ?"


Thanks to Nanarina for this one


Click on the picture for the large version

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Tavish Smith, 

Giggling woman busted for crashing truck, 
twice, and eating her pot in cop car

cops say a Florida woman with a case of the giggles crashed 
her car and then tried to eat her stash of pot in the back 
of a squad car.

Tavish Smith, 45, was pulled over June 13 on suspicion of 
DUI along U.S. 1 in Brevard County, Florida, after she 
allegedly crashed her truck, drove the wrong way on U.S. 1, 
then crashed again.

The arresting officer put her in the back of his cruiser while 
he searched her truck.

He allegedly found a small sandwich bag of marijuana in the 
vehicle, according to the New York Daily News.

A surveillance video taken inside the squad car shows a woman 
identified as Smith denying the marijuana is hers.

The suspect appears to wiggle out of her handcuffs, reach into 
the front seat of the cop car, and grab the pot-filled sandwich 
bag, according to police.

Then she allegedly started to eat the cannabis, Local10.com 
reports.

It was when she tried to slip back into her handcuffs that 
she was busted.

"Do you have your handcuffs in front already?" The trooper 
asked in the video. "Did you slip out?"

Smith said no.

"I could have sworn I just saw you scratch your nose," the 
trooper said.

"Oh yeah I did," Smith said.

"Stay in your handcuffs please," the trooper said. 
"I hope that's not why this marijuana bag was open over here. 
Bags of weed just don't go missing inside a police car."

Smith's alleged marijuana munching bumped what were 
misdemeanor charges up to a felony, according to WTSP TV.

Smith has been released on bail, but she has been suspended 
from her job as an employee for a Brevard County judge, 
HLN TV reports.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Marilee
Re: How often should I shut down W7

Dear Webby
W7 is such a tedious klutz about starting up, and some people
tell me to just leave it running, sooner or later it will
crash on it's own.
What is YOUR opinion on that?
Marilee

Dear Marilee
I fondly remember a Marilee from the days before computers.

Leave the modem running, but shut windows down, if you are 
not going to use it for two or more hours.

Yes, I know, unlike UNIX or Linux, Windows is not starting
very gracefully, and takes a lot of time. However, you will 
notice that it runs a bit faster with a daily shut-down
than with a monthly one.

Just go make a fresh pot of coffee while it starts up.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Getting Library Books Back On Time
>From Brent
My boss wanted a "Clean Desk" policy, so he sent a memo saying
that any paperwork left on desks would be removed at night and we
would have to fill out a form to get it back.

So we left all our trash paper on our desks every night.

In a week, the boss had an office full of trash, nobody filled
out a retrieval form, and we never heard about the policy again.


Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


Thanks to Morris for this story:

One day, while driving with my then 5 year old daughter
Melanie, I beeped the horn by mistake. She turned and
looked at me as if she was demanding an explanation.

I said, "I did that by accident..."

She replied, "I know that....'cause you didn't scream
'A********!' after beeping!"


From a passenger ship, everyone can see a bearded
man on a small island, shouting and desperately waving
his hands.

"Who is it?" a passenger asks the captain.

"I've no idea. Every year when we pass, he goes nuts."




» Last Post bout Horses




Today in 
1298 An army under Albert of Austria defeated and killed 
 Adolf of Nassua near Worms, Germany.
1625 The Spanish army took Breda, Spain, after nearly a 
 year of siege.
1644 Lord Cromwell crushed the Royalists at the Battle of 
 Marston Moor near York, England.
1776 Richard Henry Lee’s resolution that the American colonies 
 "are, and of right ought to be, free and independent States" 
 was adopted by the Continental Congress.
1850 Prussia agreed to pull out of Schlewig and Holstein, Germany.
1850 B.J. Lane patented the gas mask.
1857 New York City’s first elevated railroad officially opened 
 for business.
1858 Czar Alexander II freed the serfs working on imperial lands.
1881 Charles J. Guiteau fatally wounded U.S. President James A. 
 Garfield in Washington, DC.
1890 The U.S. Congress passed the Sherman Antitrust Act.
1926 The U.S. Congress established the Army Air Corps.
1937 American aviation pioneer Amelia Earhart disappeared in the 
 Central Pacific during an attempt to fly around the world at 
 the equator.
1939 At Mount Rushmore, Theodore Roosevelt's face was dedicated.
1944 American bombers, as part of Operation Gardening, dropped 
 land mines, leaflets and bombs on German-occupied Budapest.
1947 An object crashed near Roswell, NM. The U.S. Army Air 
 Force insisted it was a weather balloon, but eyewitness 
 accounts led to speculation that it might have been an 
 alien spacecraft. 9 months later Pelosi was born.
1964 U.S. President Johnson signed the "Civil Rights Act of 1964" 
 into law. The act made it illegal in the U.S. to discriminate 
 against others because of their race.
1967 The U.S. Marine Corps launched Operation Buffalo in response 
 to the North Vietnamese Army's efforts to seize the Marine 
 base at Con Thien.
1976 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled the death penalty was not 
 inherently cruel or unusual.
1976 North Vietnam and South Vietnam were reunited.
1980 U.S. President Jimmy Carter reinstated draft registration for 
 males 18 years of age.
1981 Soyuz T-6 returned to Earth.
1985 General Motors announced that it was installing electronic 
 road maps as an option in some of its higher-priced cars.
1995 "Forbes" magazine reported that Microsoft's chairman, 
 Bill Gates, was worth $12.9 billion, making him the world's 
 richest man. In 1999, he was worth about $77 billion.
1998 Cable News Network (CNN) retracted a story that alleged that 
 U.S. commandos had used nerve gas to kill American 
 defectors during the Vietnam War.
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, July 1.

Happy Canada Day!
Same as July 4 south of the border, but 3 days earlier, 
because Hagar was 500 years earlier than Columbus.

Ezinefinder is working again!
You can finally vote again!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida barber for running a strip club out of barber shop
Details at Boneheads

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1997 The sovereignty over Hong Kong was transferred from 
 Great Britain to China. Britain had controlled Hong Kong 
 as a colony for 156 years.




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





The middle of the road is where the white line is-
and that's the worst place to drive.
--- Robert Frost (1874 - 1963)  



Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! 
(Opens in a new tab, so that you don't lose this page)

Thanks to Sandie for this report:
A hot red convertible with an equally hot woman driver raced
by as my husband and his friend stopped to stare.
"Wow," sighed Rick. "Nice."

"Yeah," agreed his buddy, transfixed.

"What color was the car?" I asked.

They answered simultaneously, "Blonde."


Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
Boost Computer Speed
Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows®
Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs

The CIA loses track of one of its operatives, and so calls in
one of their top spy hunters.

The CIA boss says, "All I can tell you is that his name is
Murphy and that he's somewhere in Ireland.  If you think
you've located him, tell him the code words, 'The weather
forecast calls for mist in the morning.' If it's really him, he'll
answer, 'Yes, and for mist at noon as well.'"

So the spy hunter goes to Ireland and stops in a bar in one of
the small towns.  He says to the bartender, "Maybe you can
help me. I'm looking for a guy named Murphy."

The bartender replies, "You're going to have to be more
specific because, around here, there are lots of guys named
Murphy. There's Murphy the Baker, who runs the pastry shop
on the next block. There's Murphy the Banker, who's president
of our local savings bank.  There's Murphy the Blacksmith, who
works at the stables.  And, as a matter of fact, my name is
Murphy, too."

Hearing this, the spy hunter figures he might as well try the
code words on the bartender, so he says, "The weather forecast
calls for mist in the morning."

The bartender replies, "Oh, you're looking for Murphy the Spy.
He lives next door, up on the second floor."


Thanks to Nanarina for this one


Click on the picture for the large version
VENEZUELAN POODLE MOTH

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Derrick Price, 43, Orange County, Florida

Running a strip club out of barber shop

Get your ears lowered and your pants raised.
That may have been the business model of a strip bar 
that was allegedly run out of a barber shop in Orange County, 
Florida.

Undercover agents working for the Metropolitan Bureau of 
Investigation conducted a many months long investigation of 
Super Fades barber shop before finally raiding the place 
early Sunday morning.

MBI investigator Lt. Mike Gibson said the agents visited the 
barbershop by day and saw it turn into an illegal strip bar 
every Saturday night.

“On each and every occasion they were serving alcohol and 
they had strippers. And, not strippers following local law, 
but strippers that went completely nude,” Gibson told WFTV TV.

Along with the barber pole in front of Super Fades, there was 
a stripper pole installed inside the establishment.

"That would have been a piece of equipment that was there 
even when they operated during the day while they acted as a 
barbershop," Gibson said, according to UPI.com

Agents purchased $20 worth of illegal vodka at Super Fades 
early Sunday morning before discovering one of the dancers 
was a 17-year-old female.

"As we were conducting the investigation, we were able to 
identify one of the dancers being a juvenile, and that led 
to the need to speed the investigation up," Gibson told WESH TV.

Derrick Price, 43, the owner of Super Fades, was arrested and 
charged with allowing a worker to engage in nudity, allowing a 
person under 18 in an adult entertainment establishment, 
operation of an establishment without a valid license and 
possession of alcohol without a license with intent to sell.

He was released after posting bond and is due in court on Monday.

The 17-year-old who was allegedly stripping was also arrested.

Gibson said the stripping pole has since been removed.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Steve
Re: Kasperski vs McAfee vs Malwarebytes

Dear Webby
 your efforts in your newsletter continue to be greatly 
appreciated, as they have for a few years now. 

How does the kaspersky internet security malware detection 
compare to malwarebytes anti-malware you now tout ?

Are malware programs similar to anti-virus programs in the 
respect of you do not want to run two programs concurrently ?

How does spy-bot fit into the malware picture, it does cookies 
not malware ?

Again thank you for your time & sharing your wisdom.

steve j.

Dear Steve
Kasperski is the equivalent of McAfee. Some months McAfee is 
a nose ahead, some months it's Kasperski. Both are huge 
companies and not really known for good personal support.
However, they generally run fine and very rarely require 
contacting their support.

You can consider those two, and Vipre as well, as heavy bombers. 
Slow, and reasonably reliable.

They try to be a total solution for everything, including
blocking spam. However, they are rather klutzy about that. 
It is best to disable their email section.
The same goes for Vipre.

MalwareBytes by comparison is a fighter plane. It can take 
care of really nasty trojans, which disable McAfee and 
Kasperski.
Malwarebytes also goes after "agreed to" nuisance stuff, 
like pop up ads, browser redirection, search engine 
redirection, etc. MalwareBytes does not care who agreed 
to that kind of crap. It recognizes crap and flushes it.

Both Kasperski and McAfee try to uninstall Malwarebytes. 
They seem to be really jealous and envious and start a 
silly pissing contest.

Most recommendations are that you stick with McAfee or 
Kasperski or Vipre for continuous routine protection, 
and use MalwareBytes just for extreme problems or 
"agreed to" crap.

I have run machines with just MalwareBytes, and found 
it to be sufficient.

Spybot-Search&Destroy is free and will get some 
light-weight stuff. Because it is free, it is a good 
idea to try that first, before spending money.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Getting Library Books Back On Time
We have a wall hanging appointment calendar in the entry 
porch. When we come in from the library with a new load 
of books, we mark the due date and the number of books 
due on that date. Easy-peasy! I haven't had a fine yet. 

By FrugalSunnie from Scotland 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


These ads could have benefitted from a bit of proof-reading!

Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25;
Children $2.00.

Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

We do not tear your clothing with machinery.
We do it carefully by hand.

For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.

Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery.
Try us once, and you'll never go anywhere again.

Illiterate? Write today for free help.

Great Dames for sale.

Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena
Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.

Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.

Stock up and save. Limit: one.

Save regularly in our bank. You'll never reget it.

Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated?
Come here first!

Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.

3-year-old teacher needed for pre-school.
Experience preferred.

Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard,
meals, and smacks included.

Mother's helper--peasant working conditions.

Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.

And now, the Superstore--unequaled in size, unmatched in
variety, unrivaled inconvenience.

We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your
home for $1.00.


An excerpt from brilliant Kentucky state legislation. 

"No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway 
within this state unless she be escorted by at least two 
officers or unless she be armed with a club." 

The following important amendment however is to be considered 
here: "The provisions of this statute shall not apply to 
females weighing less than 90 pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds, 
nor shall it apply to male horses."




» Christian Andersen




Today in 
0096 Vespasian, a Roman Army leader, was hailed as a Roman 
 Emperor by the Egyptian legions.
1543 England and Scotland signed the peace of Greenwich.
1596 An English fleet under the Earl of Essex, Lord Howard 
 of Effingham and Francis Vere captured and sacked Cadiz, 
 Spain.
1690 The French defeated the forces of the Grand Alliance 
 at Fleurus in the Netherlands.
1798 Napoleon Bonaparte took Alexandria, Egypt.
1847 The U.S. Post Office issued its first adhesive stamps.
1863 During the U.S. Civil War, the first day's fighting 
 at Gettysburg began.
font color=red>1867 Canada became an independent dominion.
1876 Montenegro declared war on the Turks.
1893 The first bicycle race track in America to be made out 
of wood was opened in San Francisco, CA.
1898 During the Spanish-American War, Theodore Roosevelt and his 
 "Rough Riders" waged a victorious assault on 
 San Juan Hill in Cuba.
1909 Thomas Edison began commercially manufacturing his new "A" 
 type alkaline storage batteries.
1916 The massive Allied offensive known as the Battle of 
 the Somme began in France. The battle was the first to 
 use tanks.
1940 In Washington, the Tacoma Narrows Bridge was opened to 
 traffic. The bridge collapsed during a wind storm on 
 November 7, 1940.
1941 Bulova Watch Company sponsored the first TV commercial 
 in New York City, NY.
1942 German troops captured Sevestopol, Crimea, in the 
 Soviet Union.
1943 The U.S. Government began automatically withholding 
 federal income tax from paychecks.
1946 The U.S. exploded a 20-kiloton atomic bomb near Bikini 
 Atoll in the Pacific Ocean.
1950 American ground troops arrived in South Korea to stem 
 the tide of the advancing North Korean army.
1960 Somalia gained its independence from Britain through 
 the unification of Somaliland with Italian Somalia.
1961 British troops landed in Kuwait to aid against 
 Iraqi threats.
1961 The first community air-raid shelter was built. The 
 shelter in Boise, ID had a capacity of 1,000 people and 
 family memberships sold for $100.
1963 The U.S. postmaster introduced the five-digit ZIP 
 (Zoning Improvement Plan) code.
1968 The Nuclear Nonproliferation Treaty was signed by 60 
 countries. It limited the spreading of nuclear material 
 for military purposes. On May 11, 1995, the treaty was 
 extended indefinitely.
1969 Britain's Prince Charles was invested as the Prince of 
 Wales.
1974 Isavel Peron became the president of Argentina upon 
 the death of her husband, Juan.
1979 Sony introduced the Walkman.
1980 "O Canada" was proclaimed national anthem of Canada.
1980 U.S. President Jimmy Carter signed legislation that 
 provided for 2 acres of land near the Lincoln Memorial 
 for the Vietnam Veterans Memorial.
1987 John Kevin Hill, at age 11, became the youngest to 
 fly across the U.S. when he landed at National Airport 
 in Washington, DC.
1989 The Montreal Protocol, an international treaty, went 
 into effect. It limited the production of ozone-
 destroying chemicals.
1991 The Warsaw Pact dissolved.
1994 Yasser Arafat of the Palestinian Liberation Organization 
 visited the Gaza Strip.
1997 The sovereignty over Hong Kong was transferred from 
 Great Britain to China. Britain had controlled Hong Kong 
 as a colony for 156 years.
2003 In Hong Kong, thousands of protesters marched to show 
their opposition to anti-subversion legislation.
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, June 30.

Yes, I know that the Ezinefinder is still down.
Mañana. 
Maybe.


Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Georgia driver, who repeatedly ran over woman at 
traffic light
Details at Boneheads

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
2004 The international Cassini spacecraft entered Saturn's orbit. 
The craft had been on a nearly seven-year journey. 




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





It was no wonder that people were so horrible 
when they started life as children.
--- Kingsley Amis (1922 - 1995)



Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! 
(Opens in a new tab, so that you don't lose this page)

>From Roland
A passenger on a Southwest flight says that he once faced 
a flight delay just before they boarded.
A flight attendant picked up the microphone and announced:
"We're sorry for the delay. The machine that normally rips 
the handles off your luggage is broken, so we're having 
to do it by hand. We should be finished and on our way 
shortly."


Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
Boost Computer Speed
Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows®
Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs

The little boy greeted his grandmother with a hug and said,
"I'm  so happy to see you grandma. Now maybe daddy will
do the trick he  has been promising us."

The grandmother was curious.

"What trick is that my dear," she asked.

 The little boy replied, "I heard daddy tell mommy that he
would climb the walls if you came to visit us again."


Thanks to dad for this one


Click on the picture for the large version
This one bloomed today

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Dewey Green, 23, Douglasville, Georgia

Georgia driver, repeatedly ran over woman 
at traffic light

A Georgia man is charged with murder after running over a 
woman with his car.

Dewey Green, 23, drove up behind an SUV sitting at a traffic 
light in Douglasville on Wednesday afternoon. Green allegedly 
rammed the vehicle with his own car multiple times, according 
to WSBTV.

The victim, 53-year-old Janice Pitts, got out to see how 
badly the SUV was damaged, and Green allegedly slammed into 
her, pinning the woman up against the vehicle.

Pitts' adult daughter, Iesha Davis, tried to save her mother, 
jumping on Green's car and begging him to stop crushing the 
woman.

Police say that after Green backed up and Pitt fell to the 
ground, he ran her over. He then allegedly backed up over her 
body again, according to AL.com

“I'll never ever get the image of my mom lifeless body lying 
on the pavement and the man ran her over like she was nothing," 
Davis told WSBTV.

Davis' 4-year-old son was also in the vehicle at the time.

"Imagine your mother minding her own business and being 
killed brutally,'' Nakeeta Davis, Pitts' other daughter who 
was not at the scene of the crime, told AL.com. "This man 
was out to kill. He didn't stop until he got what he was 
after."

Pitts, who died at the scene, was studying for a master's 
degree in psychology and was planning to open a non-profit 
for abused women and children.

Acting District Attorney Brian Fortner told the Atlanta 
Journal-Constitution that it does not appear Pitt and Green 
knew each other, and that there is no indication Green 
suffered from mental illness. Police say Green seemed 
dazed and confused and reeked of alcohol.

“No doubt there's alcohol involved,” said Stan Copeland 
with Douglas County police. Officials are trying to 
determine if he was additionally under the influence 
of drugs.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Kathy
Re: Deleting files

Hi Webby,a question please!
My puter has been acting up lately,slow ,irratic,etc..
I defragged and when I went to do a Disc clean up,in the 
list shown were Temp Files,(not temp internet files) 
which are taking up 1.39 GB of space! Are these files 
that I can delete? Also shown in System error memory dump 
files,were 194 MB of files.Please advise!!!!! 
Thanks for being there for us!!! Don't give up on us,we will 
be more tech savvy with your help,one day!!! 
Stay well,
Kathy

Dear Kathy
Download CrapCleaner from my ToolBox.
It is free
It will get rid of most of that crap.
Caution! Go into the settings and take the checkmark off the 
Cookies. 
Otherwise it will blithely delete all your cookies, and 
you'll have trouble signing in to your bank.

That should help noticeably.
Additional help is at http://webby.com/fixclean

Re temp files, I just dump them when I come across them, 
same as when I see files with wacky characters in the file 
name.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Monsters Be Gone Kit
Made about a thousand of these, LOL!
Supplies:
Spray Bottle
Lavender Oil
Steps:
Mix ten to twelve drops of lavender with water. 
Put the spray top on and label the bottle.
Get a box and decorate it. Write on the side: 
"Monsters Beware Kit". 
On the other side, write "(Child's Name), 
Go Away I Say Kit!" 
Put spray, a tiny flashlight, and a small bell in the 
box. Tell the child to ring the bell, because monsters 
do not like bells (but really to wake up the parent) 
and take the flashlight and turn it on because they hate 
light. Then, spray the bed and under it to make them leave!
Source: Me, tired of Grand-kids nightmares!

By The Awesome Grandma [53]

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


>From Em
While standing in line at airport security this morning, the
ahead of me poked her index finger at an article in the
newspaper she was reading and made a rather unflattering
comment about the author.

I read: "12 ideas to help you keep that resolution to lose
weight."  After a couple of paragraphs, the article lists 
things to  do. The second of these hints reads:  
"When cooking yourself,
substitute lower-fat ingredients whenever possible...."

"HUH?" she then asked,  "Am I supposed to hunt down and
cook a low-fat jogger instead of myself?"


A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day
of work.  The manager greeted him with a warm handshake
and a smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job
will be to sweep the entire store."

"But I'm a college graduate," the young man replied
indignantly.

"Oh, I'm sorry.  I didn't know that," said the manager.
"Here, give me the broom - Let me show you how."




» Christian Andersen




Today in 
1097 The Crusaders defeated the Turks at Dorylaeum.
1841 The Erie Railroad rolled out its first passenger train.
1859 Charles Blondin became the first person to cross 
 Niagara Falls on a tightrope.
1894 Korea declared independence from China and asked for 
 Japanese aid.
1908 A meteor explosion in Siberia knocked down trees in a 
 40-mile radius and struck people unconscious some 40 
 miles away.
1912 Belgian workers went on strike to demand universal 
 suffrage.
1913 Fighting broke out between Bulgaria and Greece and 
 Spain. It was the beginning of the Second Balkan War.
1915 During World War I, the Second Battle Artois ended 
 when the French failed to take Vimy Ridge.
1922 Irish rebels in London assassinate Sir Henry Wilson, 
 the British deputy for Northern Ireland.
1930 France pulled its troops out of Germany’s Rhineland.
1934 Adolf Hitler purged the Nazi Party by destroying the 
 SA and bringing to power the SS in the "Night of the 
 Long Knives."
1935 Fascists caused an uproar at the League of Nations when 
 Haile Selassie of Ethiopia speaks.
1936 Margaret Mitchell’s book, "Gone with the Wind,"
1950 U.S. President Harry Truman ordered U.S. troops into Korea 
 and authorizes the draft.
1951 On orders from Washington, General Matthew Ridgeway broadcasts 
 that the United Nations was willing to discuss an armistice with 
 North Korea.
1953 The first Corvette rolled off the Chevrolet assembly line in 
 Flint, MI. It sold for $3,250.
1955 The U.S. began funding West Germany’s rearmament.
1957 The American occupation headquarters in Japan was dissolved.
1958 The U.S. Congress passed a law authorizing the admission of 
 Alaska as the 49th state in the Union.
1960 The Katanga province seceded from Congo (upon Congo's 
 independence from Belgium).
1964 The last of U.N. troops left Congo after a four-year 
 effort to bring stability to the country.
1971 The Soviet spacecraft Soyuz 11 returned to Earth. The three 
 cosmonauts were found dead inside.
1977 U.S. President Jimmy Carter announced his opposition to 
 the B-1 bomber.
1985 Yul Brynner left his role as the King of Siam after 4,600 
 performances in "The King and I."
1994 The U.S. Figure Skating Association stripped Tonya Harding 
 of the 1994 national championship and banned her from the 
 organization for life for an attack on rival Nancy Kerrigan.
1998 Officials confirmed that the remains of a Vietnam War 
 serviceman buried in the Tomb of the Unknowns at Arlington 
 National Cemetery were identified as those of Air Force pilot 
 Michael J. Blassie.
2000 U.S. President Clinton signed the E-Signature bill to give 
 the same legal validity to an electronic signature as a 
 signature in pen and ink.
2004 The international Cassini spacecraft entered Saturn's orbit. 
The craft had been on a nearly seven-year journey. 
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, June 29.

Yes, I know that the Ezinefinder is still down.
Mañana. 
Maybe.


Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Woman, who deliberately sprayed weedkiller
into a 7 year old girl's face.
Details at Boneheads

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1995 The shuttle Atlantis and the Russian space station Mir 
 docked, forming the largest man-made satellite ever to 
 orbit the Earth.




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





What you do speaks so loud that I 
cannot hear what you say.
---Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882) 



Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! 
(Opens in a new tab, so that you don't lose this page)

Thanks to Linda for this story:
As the owner of a clunker, I was used to dealing with a 
variety of car breakdowns. One day at the supermarket, 
just after I had filled my trunk with groceries, I noticed 
a stream of fluid pouring out of the bottom of the car. 
I knew I had to get home before the car was once again out 
of action.

When I arrived I asked my husband to take a look at the 
problem.

Expecting the worst, I braced myself for his diagnosis. 
When he came back in, he was smiling. "It's apple juice," 
he said.


Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
Boost Computer Speed
Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows®
Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs

Since this is their first party and the wife hasn't done much
cooking, the husband suggests they order out for Chinese
food and she could bake a cake for dessert. She agrees,
but on Friday afternoon, the wife calls her husband in tears.
"The only recipe I can find is for a cake that will feed four,"
she says.

"Why don't you just double the recipe?" her husband asks.
Just before quitting time the husband gets another call
from her, and this time she is frantic.

"I just can't do it," she says. "It's impossible."

"Now, now, what's the matter?"

"Well, I doubled everything, just like you said," she tells
him, "and it's ready to go in the oven."

"Then what's the problem?" he asks.
The wife sobs. "The book says that the cake must be
baked at 350 degrees. I've checked the oven and it doesn't
go up to 700 degrees!"

"That's probably metric, just bake it at 350,
but don't double the time!"


>From Dianne


Click on the picture for the large version

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Wilhelmina Rodenhuis, 60, Grover Beach, California

Woman, who deliberately sprayed weedkiller
into a 7 year old girl's face.

Grover Beach police arrested a woman Wednesday evening for 
spraying a child in the face with a weed killer.

Detectives have not yet determined a motive, but police say 
that 60-year-old Julie Wilhelmina Rodenhuis approached a 
seven-year-old and sprayed pesticide in the child’s eyes. 
The incident occurred around 7:15 p.m. Wednesday in a 
condominium complex at 676 North 12th Street in Grover Beach.

Family members immediately treated the child until medical 
responders arrived. The child received further treatment 
at a local hospital and was released.

Officers charged Rodenhuis with child endangerment, assault 
with a deadly weapon and battery with serious child 
endangerment. Rodenhuis could receive addition charges.

She is currently in San Luis Obispo County Jail on a 
$100,000 bond.

No site lists a motive, just that Rodenhuis has been 
involved in many neighborhood disputes, that some 
have permanent restraining orders against her, and pretty
well all local commenters agree that she is crazy.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Lynn
Re: Google Chrome infection?

Dear Webby:
It seems my Google chrome has an infected file because my 
McAfee (I don't believe it is really McAfee that keeps 
popping this window up)keeps popping up a window that says 
a Trojan has been found and if I restart my computer, it 
will be fixed.  I restarted 4 times and the pop up that 
says it is from McAfee still says it has found and 
infected file and to restart my computer.  
 
I did a complete scan with my McAfee and it says: no 
issues found.
 
I closed Google Chrome and am now using Firefox and the 
issue is gone.  It only happens when I am using Google 
Chrome.  Should I uninstall Chrome and re-install it as 
I like it better than Firefox?
 
Any help you can give me will be appreciated. 
Many thanks
C.

Dear C
Whatever you do, do NOT restart! That is a common ploy of
many infections for installing a new super-user above you.

Quite possibly your McAfee has been compromised, just like 
your Google Chrome. Now you need stronger medicine.
See that big link at the top of the side menu?
MalwareBytes
That should clean the crap out of your machine.
After that, uninstall McAfee and Chrome.
Run Malwarebyts again to make sure the machine is clean.
Then you can re-install a fresh McAfee, if you want it, 
and Chrome.

Quite likely the infection started, when you agreed to 
something or other. That causes mcAfee to bow out and 
list that as something you want and agreed to,

Malwarebytes is not that polite with crooked shit.
No matter who agreed to it, out it goes.

When Microsoft stopped allowing the round clock "gadet",
I searched for an alternative and eventually found a 
site with hundreds of clocks. I picked one, and during 
the installation of it, hit Enter without reading the 
small print one time too often. And got infected.
McAfee allowed that crap, since I had agreed to it.
GRRRRR!
So I installed MalwareBytes
It cleaned out not only THAT infection, but a few more, 
that I suspected, but never had the time to hunt dwon.

THAT is why MalwareBytes got the spot of honor on top of
the recommended resources in the side menu.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Exchange Keys With A Neighbor
My neighbor and I exchanged house keys so that we could 
enter each other's homes in case of an emergency or to feed 
pets while one of us is on vacation, etc. I bought two 
magnetic key holders and gave one to my neighbor to hide 
(I know where) on her porch for my house key and I put the 
other one under my metal mailbox with my neighbor's key 
in it.

If someone happened to find the key holder, the key wouldn't 
work in the lock where the key is hidden and I doubt they 
would go around trying the neighbor's doors. Also, her kids 
often forget their keys and can get their spare after school 
to get into their own house even if I'm not home.

By Susan from Pennsylvania 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


>From Ray
I'm also a counselor who helps coordinate support groups for
visually-impaired adults.  Many participants have a
condition known as macular degeneration, which makes it
difficult for them to distinguish facial features.

I had just been assigned to a new group and was
introducing myself.

Knowing that many in the group would not be able to see
me well, I jokingly said, "For those of you who can't
see me, I've been told that I look like a cross between
Paul Newman and Robert Redford."

Immediately, one woman called out, "We're not THAT blind!"


A Swiss guy, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus
stop where two Americans are waiting.

"Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he asks.
The two Americans just stare at him.

"Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" he tries. The two
continue to stare. "Parlare Italiano?" No response.

"Hablan ustedes Espanol?" Still nothing.

The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted. The first
American turns to the second and says, "Y'know, maybe we
should learn a foreign language."

"Why?" says the other. "That guy knew four languages, and
it didn't do him any good."
+



» Small Shacks




Today in 
1236 Ferdinand III of Castile and Leon took Cordoba 
 in Spain.
1652 Massachusetts declared itself an independent 
 commonwealth.
1776 The Virginia constitution was adopted and Patrick 
 Henry was made governor.
1860 The first iron-pile lighthouse was completed at 
 Minot’s Ledge, MA.
1880 France annexed Tahiti.
1888 Professor Frederick Treves performed the first 
 appendectomy in England.
1903 The British government officially protested 
 Belgian atrocities in the Congo.
1905 Russian troops intervened as riots erupted in 
 ports all over the country. Many ships were looted.
1917 The Ukraine proclaimed independence from Russia.
1925 Marvin Pipkin filed for a patent for the frosted 
 electric light bulb.
1926 Fascists in Rome added an hour to the work day 
 in an economic efficiency measure.
1932 Siam’s army seized Bangkok and announced an end 
 to the absolute monarchy.
1946 British authorities arrested more than 2,700 
 Jews in Palestine in an attempt to end alleged 
 terrorism.
1950 U.S. President Harry S. Truman authorized a sea 
 blockade of Korea.
1951 The United States invited the Soviet Union to the 
 Korean peace talks on a ship in Wonson Harbor.
1953 The Federal Highway Act authorized the construction 
 of 42,500 miles of freeway from coast to coast.
1954 The Atomic Energy Commission voted against reinstating 
 Dr. J. Robert Oppenheimer's access to classified 
 information.
1955 The Soviet Union sent tanks to Poznan, Poland, to put 
 down anti-Communist demonstrations.
1966 The U.S. bombed fuel storage facilities near the North 
 Vietnamese cities of Hanoi and Haiphong.
1967 Israel removed barricades, re-unifying Jerusalem.
1972 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the death penalty 
 could constitute "cruel and unusual punishment." The 
 ruling prompted states to revise their capital punishment 
 laws.
1982 Israel invaded Lebanon.
1995 The shuttle Atlantis and the Russian space station Mir 
 docked, forming the largest man-made satellite ever to 
 orbit the Earth.
2007 The Apple iPhone went on sale.
2014  smiled.

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