Cooling a modern laptop 




Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, October 29

Today I have to drive to Calgary for Cardio-Diagnostics,
whatever that is. Could be anything from MRI to running on an
inclined treadmill with EKG electrodes attached, and with senior
nurses frowning at me when I don't fall off the treadmill and
onto them. Hmmm, maybe I should fake a fall and find out?

I'll find out and tell you tomorrow.

home4christmas.com is for sale! 
Make an offer! $50 minimum.
You  can use it for anything you want.

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award: 


South Carolina dopey woman goes nuts

______________________________________________________
Today, October 29 in
1940 The first peacetime military draft began in the U.S. 
to prepare for WWII.
 More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
"You don't need God anymore; you have us Democrats." --- Nancy Pelosi (Quoted in 2006) "Paying taxes is voluntary." --- Sen. Harry Reid Al Capone was sent to jail not for bootlegging or racketeering, but for tax evasion. ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this story: Our college just completed a new three-story building. While walking down a hall on the second floor, I overheard two students say, "I really like the skylights on the third floor." "Me too," remarked the second student. "I don't know why they didn't just put some on the second floor too." ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Also from Sandie: My violin teacher was teaching a large group class. She showed them her violin and said, "This violin was made in the early 1800s." Someone in the class raised their hand and asked, "Did they make it specially for you?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Arnie for this story: I had an offer from a large company and they offered to fly me out to the meeting on business class. During the return flight we were given gourmet brownies and cookies. Not hungry, I decided to save them for later, so I placed them in a vomit bag. After the plane landed I got up to leave and a stewardess approached me. She asked, "Sir, would you like for me to dispose of that for you?" I said, "No thanks, I'm saving it for my kids." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Cameo Louise Luchka, 26, Hanahan, South Carolina South Carolina dopey woman goes nuts A threesome went terribly wrong Monday night when a South Carolina woman high on meth and heroin allegedly attempted to bite off the genitals of a male with whom she was trysting, police report. Cops were summoned around 9:30 PM on October 22 to an apartment complex in Hanahan, a city about 15 miles north of Charleston. A 911 caller reported an assault “where the female attempted to bite off” his penis. Upon arriving at the residence, cops spotted “a naked white female on hands and knees” crawling into a hallway. The woman, covered in blood, ignored police commands to stop moving and was “charging toward the Officers,” according to a Hanahan Police Department report. The woman, cops noted, had “already threatened to bite off [the victim’s] penis as well.” When the suspect continued to advance on officers, a patrolman “engaged his taser on the female,” as first reported by WCSC’s Harve Jacobs. The suspect, identified as Cameo Louise Luchka, 26, told police that she had used heroin and methamphetamine that evening. Luchka later struggled with cops as they sought to place her on a gurney, and “barked, growled, and hissed” at police. The victim, Steven Norton, 31, told cops that he and another man were having sex with Luchka when she “started passing out from drug use.” Norton said that he then asked Luchka (seen above) to leave his apartment, but she refused. Norton said that Luchka began throwing items at him and threatened to “bite his dick off.” Norton said that Luchka struck him above the right eye with a glass object, “causing a gash.” Before calling 911, Norton recalled, he struck Luchka “several times with his fists.” Norton told police that “if Luchka went to the hospital, he would not pursue charges.” Luchka was transported to a North Charleston hospital, while Norton was treated for injuries at a Charleston hospital. While cops have classified the incident as an aggravated assault, investigators are still reviewing the matter and no arrest has been made, according to Police From: Dani Re: Cooling a laptop Good Morning Webby. I know you have probably answered this question before, but since I didn't have a laptop I didn't pay attention to your advise. Now I have a laptop and I am wondering what is the best way to keep it cool. Thank you as always for your expert advise. A Webby Fan, Dani Dear Dani That depends entirely on the laptop. Some suck the cooling air from the bottom, some from the side, and some even through the keyboard. They all tell you in the manual, and what part you should not obstruct. Most modern laptops don't produce as much heat as they used to, even ten years ago. Unless you have a very expensive, high powered game machine, I would not worry about it, but before you heave the manual into storage, have a peek. It usually tells you. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A stewardess approached a gentleman who was voicing his complains rather loudly. "Yes, Sir?" "I want to complain about this airline. Every time I fly, I get the same seat, I can't see the in-flight movie, and there are no window blinds, so I can't sleep." "Captain, shut up and pretend to be busy. "
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A lady came to the hospital to visit a friend. She had not been in a hospital for several years and felt very ignorant about all the new technology. A technician followed her onto the elevator, wheeling a large, intimidating looking machine with tubes and wires and dials. "Boy, would I hate to be hooked up to that thing," she said. "So would I," replied the technician. "It's a floor-cleaning machine." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Cleaning Silverware Line a pan with aluminum foil, fill it with water, add 1 Tbsp. of baking soda for each 2 cups. Heat to boiling and remove from heat. Add silver then rinse and polish them lightly. The foil attracts the tarnish so make sure the silver touches the foil. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Mind blowing Halloween pumpkins!
___________________________________________________ In California's Sonoma Valley, where vineyards cater to wine snobbery, a woman phoned the classified ad department of a newspaper. She offered for sale what sounded like "well-aged Caumeneur." The ad-taker was unfamiliar with that particular wine, but was used to the infusion of French words into the local vocabulary. "Could you please spell that?" she asked. "You know," said the woman impatiently, "C-o-w M-a-n-u-r-e". ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Two priests were talking together and the older one said to the younger, "You know, when you came into church with all your new ideas, I had questions about how you were going to fit in and how well your ideas were going to work." "When you wanted to put bucket seats down in the front two rows of seats, I had my doubts. But now, at every mass, the seats are filled up with young people, so I have to agree that it was a good idea." "Then, when you wanted to jazz up the choir and we started singing newer, peppier songs, I was afraid it would offend the parishioners. Now, we have a lot of new, younger choir members, and the music seems to pick up the services a lot more than the old music. So, once again I have to agree that you were right! "But when you wanted to put in the drive-through confessional, I have to admit I thought you'd lost it. But now, at least, there are more people coming to confession than ever. I think you've come up with another good idea." "However, the neon sign out front that says, 'Toot 'n tell or go to hell', has got to go!

Today October 29 in
1618 Sir Walter Raleigh was beheaded under a sentence that had
been brought against him 15 years earlier for conspiracy against
King James I. 

1652 The Massachusetts Bay Colony proclaimed itself to be an
independent commonwealth. 

1682 William Penn landed at what is now Chester, PA. He was the
founder of Pennsylvania. 

1863 The International Committee of the Red Cross was founded. 

1901 Leon Czolgosz, the assassin of U.S. President McKinley, was
electrocuted. 

1923 Turkey formally became a republic after the dissolution of
the Ottoman Empire. The first president was Mustafa Kemal, later
known as Kemal Ataturk. 

1929 America's Great Depression began with the crash of the Wall
Street stock market. 

1940 The first peacetime military draft began in the U.S. to
prepare for WWII. 

1945 The first ballpoint pens to be made commercially went on
sale at Gimbels Department Store in New York at the price of
$12.50 each. 

1956 Israel invaded Egypt's Sinai Peninsula during the Suez Canal
Crisis. 

1959 General Mills became the first corporation to use close-
circuit television. 

1960 Muhammad Ali (Cassius Clay) won his first professional
fight. 

1966 The National Organization for Women was founded. 

1969 The U.S. Supreme Court ordered an immediate end to all
school segregation. 

1973 O.J. Simpson, of the Buffalo Bills, set two NFL records. He
carried the ball 39 times and he ran 157 yards putting him over
1,000 yards at the seventh game of the season. 

1974 U.S. President Gerald Ford signed a new law forbidding
discrimination in credit applications on the basis of sex or
marital status 

1990 The U.N. Security Council voted to hold Saddam Hussein's
regime liable for human rights abuses and war damages during its
occupation of Kuwait. 

1991 The U.S. Galileo spacecraft became the first to visit an
asteroid (Gaspra). 

1991 Trade sanctions were imposed on Haiti by the U.S. to
pressure the new leaders to restore the ousted President Jean-
Bertrand Aristide to power. 

1992 Depo Provera, a contraceptive, was approved by the Food and
Drug Administration. 

1998 The space shuttle Discovery blasted off with John Glenn on
board. Glenn was 77 years old. In 1962 he became the first
American to orbit the Earth. 

1998 The oldest known copy of Archimedes' work sold for $2
million at a New York auction. 

2001 KTLA broadcasted the first coast to coast HDTV network
telecast. 

2014 The smartwatch Microsoft Band was released

2018  smiled.


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Forward and Back via bottom Status line 




Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, October 28

home4christmas.com is for sale! 
Make an offer! $50 minimum.
You  can use it for anything you want.

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award: 


British woman claimed her fake blow-job-lips
stopped her from blowing police breathalyser

______________________________________________________
Today, October 28 in
1793 Eli Whitney applied for a patent for his cotton gin. 
 More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
"I invented the Internet." --- Al Gore "America is, is no longer, uh, what it, uh, could be, uh, what it was once was, uh, and I say to myself, uh, I don't want that future, uh, for my children." --- Barack Obama "I have campaigned in all 57 states." --- Barack Obama (Quoted in 2008) ______________________________________________________ RULES OF THE OFFICE ** If it rings, put it on hold; ** If it clanks, call the repairman; ** If it whistles, ignore it; ** If it's a friend, take a break; ** If it's the boss, look busy; ** If it talks, take notes; ** If it's handwritten, type it; ** If it's typed, copy it; ** If it's copied, file it; ** If it's Friday, forget it! ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Sunday School Bloopers: Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals. Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a jezebel like Delilah. Sampson slated the Philistines with the axe of apostles. Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple. The Fifth Commandment is humor thy mother and father. The Seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery. Moses died before he ever reached the UK. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the Battle of Geritol. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in the biblical times. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines. When the three wise guys from the East Side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager. Jesus was born because Mary had an emaculate contraption. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Mrs. Morris Siegel beckoned to a salesman in Bergdorf Goodman's, pointed to white wool designer dress on a mannequin, and said, "Hey Sonny boy, so how much the dress on that store dummy over there is?" "That dress is $899.95, Madam," sneered the rather snooty salesman. "Oy! For $99.95 I could get the same dress at Klein's Bargain Store downtown!" "But Madam," said the salesman, "You'll find that the dress at Klein's is recycled wool. This original is 100% pure virgin wool." "Nu! So for $800 I should be caring what the sheep at night do?" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Scarlett Harrison, 20, Manchester, England British woman claimed her fake blow-job-lips stopped her from blowing police breathalyser Scarlett Harrison, 20, was found to be over the limit when she was stopped in Manchester city centre after drinking Pink Gins with a friend she fell out with. When at the police station she was asked to provide a second, more accurate sample but she said her collagen implants made it difficult to get her mouth around the tube. Harrison, who has appeared in Ex On The Beach and has just returned from a summer in Ibiza, tried to blow four times before saying ‘my lips are too big’. As a result she was charged with failing to provide a breath sample and tried to avoid conviction by saying she was unable to blow for ‘medical reasons’. Harrison, the daughter of an engineering business owner, pleaded guilty on the day her trial was due to start. The court heard that she pulled over on June 20 in her Mini One in a taxi rank outside Piccadilly train station. She has been banned from driving for 16 months and ordered to pay £310 in fines and costs. Prosecutor Neil White said: ‘When the officers went over to speak to her, they could smell alcohol on her breath and so conducted a roadside breath test. ‘She was over the limit so she was taken to the police station. At the station, they informed her about going through to the intoximeter room and proceeded to discuss the demeanour of the defendant and how she now felt. ‘She tried to go through with it and attempted to blow four times. She told them she was anxious and nervous and when asked by the police officer if there was any reason why she couldn’t provide a sample, she said her lips were too big and she couldn’t blow into it. ‘They asked if she had any medical conditions or health conditions that could stop her doing so and she said: “No, just my lips”.’ Her lawyer Matthew Wallace said: ‘Along with the current trend, she has collagen implants in her lips which is something that caused her due difficulty in forming a seal around the tube. He added: ‘She is currently out of work, she arrived back from working abroad in Ibiza week ago. She is due to start work at a local restaurant once it opens, she is just awaiting a starting date. She lives with her parents. She is ordinarily employed. Her father sold the car the day after her arrest. Apparently he did not believe her BS. From: Bobbi Re: Forward and Back via bottom Status line Dear Webby I have IE on my computer. There were forward and back arrows at the bottom of each e-mail message that you could use to go to the next message, or back. Now they have suddenly disappeared. I have to go to the top of each message after reading it to use the arrow up there to go on to the next message. So far, IE help has been no help, telling me that this feature is cuurently not available. it was there 4 days ago. What gives? Thanks, Bobbi Dear Bobbi That must be a Hotmail feature, not a browser feature. I have never seen it on IE. Check in the Hotmail preferences. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Two contafiters way up nort in Chicargo wuz makin sum contafit money an dey accidently made sum twelve dollar bill by mistake. Dey made a whole bunch of dem before dey foun dere mistake, so insted of startin over dey decide to try to pass dem off. Dey always herd how backward people in Louisiana wuz, especially dem folks name Boudreaux frum down neer Lafayette so dey jumpin dere car an drive down to Lafayette, LA an wen dey got dere dey look in da fone book an shore enuf dey fine Boudreaux's General Store an Mercantile listed rite dere in da yeller pages. Dey went to Boudreaux's store an walk up to da man at da counter. Da firs contafiter say, "Are you Mr. Boudreaux?" Boudreaux say, "Mais shore, dat's me. Wat can Ah do fa you fellers?" Da contafiter wisper to his frien, "This is gonna be easier than I thought." Da contafiter say, "Can you give us change for a twelve dollar bill?" Boudreaux say, "Mais shore Ah can! How you want dat, tree fores, fore trees, or 2 sixes?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A ThirdAger is getting his annual physical when the doctor notices several dark, ugly bruises on the man's shins. "Do you play hockey, soccer or another physical sport?" the doctor asks. "No," says the man. "I play bridge with my wife." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Less Wrinkles: Hang Dresses and Suits Quickly Hang your jacket up when you get home to reduce wrinkles. The heat from your body helps ease the wrinkles out of the garment as it hangs. The same goes for dresses. Also make sure clothing is not packed too tightly in the closet, or they will develop wrinkles in the closet. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Castles right out of fairy tales.
___________________________________________________ The CEO was scheduled to speak at an important convention, so he asked one of his employees to write him a punchy, 20-minute speech. When the CEO returned from the big event, he was furious. "What's the idea of writing me an hour-long speech?" he demanded to know. "Half the audience walked out before I finished." The employee was baffled. "I wrote you a 20-minute speech," he replied. "I also gave you the two extra copies you asked for." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
An hysterical mother phones the family's pediatrician with an emergency. "Doctor," she says, "I was writing a letter when my two-year-old came along, grabbed my fancy fountain pen and swallowed it. What should I do?" "Don't panic, I'll be right over," says the doctor. "In the meantime, what are you doing?" he asks. "I'm using a pencil."

Today October 28 in
1636 Harvard College was founded in Massachusetts. The original
name was Court of Massachusetts Bay Colony. It was the first
school of higher education in America. 

1776 The Battle of White Plains took place during the American
Revolutionary War. 

1793 Eli Whitney applied for a patent for his cotton gin. 

1886 The Statue of Liberty was dedicated in New York Harbor by
U.S. President Cleveland. The statue weighs 225 tons and is 152
feet tall. It was originally known as "Liberty Enlightening the
World." 

1904 The St. Louis Police Department became the first to use
fingerprinting. 

1919 The U.S. Congress enacted the Volstead Act, also known as
the National Prohibition Act. Prohibition was repealed in 1933
with the passing of the 21st Amendment to the U.S. Constitution. 

1922 Benito Mussolini took control of the Italian government and
introduced fascism to Italy. 

1940 During World War II, Italy invaded Greece. 

1962 Soviet leader Nikita Khrushchev informed the U.S. that he
had ordered the dismantling of Soviet missile bases in Cuba. 

1965 Pope Paul VI issued a decree absolving Jews of collective
guilt for the crucifixion of Jesus Christ. 

1965 The Gateway Arch along the waterfront in St. Louis, MO, was
completed. 

1976 John D. Erlichman, a former aide to U.S. President Richard
Nixon, entered a federal prison camp in Safford, AZ, to begin
serving his sentence for Watergate-related convictions. 

1983 The U.S. vetoed a U.N. Security Council resolution "deeply
deploring" the ongoing U.S.-led invasion of Grenada. 

1985 John A. Walker Jr. and his son, Michael Lance Walker, pled
guilty to charges of spying for the Soviet Union. 

1988 Roussel Uclaf, a French manufacturer that produces the
abortion pill RU486, announced it would resume distribution of
the drug after the government of France demanded it do so. 

1990 Iraq announced that it was halting gasoline rationing. 

1993 Ousted Haitian President Jean-Bertrand Aristide, called for
a complete blockade of Haiti to force out the military leaders. 

1994 U.S. President Clinton visited Kuwait and implied that all
the troops there would be home by Christmas. 

1996 The Dow Jones Industial Average gained a record 337.17
points (or 5%). The day before the Dow had dropped 554.26 points
(or 7%). 

2018  smiled.


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Deleting old Windows updates 




Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, October 27

home4christmas.com is for sale! 
Make an offer! $50 minimum.
You  can use it for anything you want.

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award: 


Man tasered by police for refusing 
to stop having sex with car exhaust

______________________________________________________
Today, October 27 in
1659 William Robinson and Marmaduke Stevenson became the 
first Quakers to be executed in America. 
 More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
"My fear is if North Korea nukes us, Trump is gonna get us into a war." --- Maxine Waters.......2017 "We are all born ignorant, but one must work very hard to remain STUPID!" --- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790) ______________________________________________________ Q: How do we know that the democrats sent themselves bombs? A: None of them worked. ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Millie We purchased an old home in Northern New York State from two elderly sisters. Winter was fast approaching and I was concerned about the house's lack of insulation. "If they could live here all those years, so can we!" my husband confidently declared. One November night the temperature plunged to below zero, and we woke up to find interior walls covered with frost. My husband called the sisters to ask how they had kept the house warm. After a rather brief conversation, he hung up. "For the past 30 years," he muttered, "they've gone to Florida for the winter." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ The personnel manager was impressing the applicant with the prospective job. "We make parts for microscopes. You'll be required to work with lenses that are a hundreths of an inch thick." "I can handle it," the applicant said, "I used to slice meat in a delicatessen, I can slice ham so thin it is kosher." ______________________________________________________ Trash Passing is illegal in 'Bama _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ Reported by Moe An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Ryan Scott Malek, 24, Newton, Kansas Man tasered by police for refusing to stop having sex with car exhaust Ryan Scott Malek's was four times the legal alcohol limit when police found him in a questionable position with a parked car on May 1. Officers tried to get him to stop, but persistent Malek, from Newton, Kansas, US, kept going. Court documents show Ryan Scott Malek was charged for lewd and lascivious behaviour Malek was reportedly 'oblivious' to what he was doing, so police decided to Taser him, according to the Smoking Gun. It appears Malek had an audience of six other witnesses watching him at the time, court documents revealed. The 24-year-old was taken to hospital and given a chance to sober up. He later pleaded guilty to lewd and lascivious behaviour and was put on probation for one year. According to police arrest logs, Malek was arrested for aggravated assault and use of a deadly weapon in February. From: Martin Re: Deleting Windows Updates Dear Webby Just thought of a question that would maybe be of help to others for once. Is it necessary to keep all of the Windows updates, or can some be safely deleted after a time? I have a bunch of them and can't see holding on to all of them, taking up disk space if so. Thanks, Martin Dear Martin Are you talking about UPDATES, or are you referring to Update UNINSTALL files? The UNINSTALL files are a waste of space and it is safe to delete them. The purpose of those Windows Update uninstall files is being a safety net, just in case an update is too haywire and can't be patched with a further update, and you need to uninstall it. However, Microsoft software writers are building their job security on their ability to patch the patched patches. The only Update, that was so bad, that it was necessary to uninstall it, is IE. If you are paranoid, keep the uninstall files a week, and get rid of the old ones. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
>From Linda When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told that the keys had been accidentally locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger's side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered it was open. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "It's open!" "I know," answered the young man. "I already got that side."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
>From Jocelyn When my 3-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink. I was not pleased. I turned to Mom and said, "I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?" Mom smiled and then replied, "Oh, I remember!" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Making Your To-Do List Fun When your "To Do" List seems overwhelming, sit down and write FIVE THINGS on a small slip of paper. Mix up small and large tasks with one "reward" thrown in. This is now your "Flash List", do all 5 things before stopping, right in a row, in the order you have written them to WIN! Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Well....this is certainly a different desert house.
___________________________________________________ Eva went to a store to buy some insecticide. "Is this good for beetles?" she asked the clerk. "No," he replied. "It'll kill 'em." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
My friend Monica is an accomplished harpist, who frequently plays for weddings, reception, parties, and other such events. She is also blond and has an appropriately cherubic face. She was on her way to an engagement at a hotel, and stepped into an elevator with her large golden harp. Just before the doors closed, a distinguished gray- haired man stepped on. As the elevator rose, he looked thoughtfully first at her and then her harp and asked, "And just how far up are you going?"

Today October 27 in
1659 William Robinson and Marmaduke Stevenson became the first
Quakers to be executed in America. 

1787 The first of the Federalist Papers were published in the New
York Independent. The series of 85 essays, written by Alexander
Hamilton, James Madison and John Jay, were published under the
pen name "Publius." 

1795 The United States and Spain signed the Treaty of San
Lorenzo. The treaty is also known as "Pinckney's Treaty." 

1858 Roland Macy opened Macy's Department Store in New York City.
It was Macy's eighth business adventure, the other seven failed. 

1878 The Manhattan Savings Bank in New York City was robbed of
over $3,000,000. The robbery was credited to George "Western"
Leslie even though there was not enough evidence to convict him,
only two of his associates were convicted. 

1904 The New York subway system officially opened. It was the
first rapid-transit subway system in America. 

1925 Fred Waller received a patent for water skis. 

1927 The first newsreel featuring sound was released in New York.


1931 Chuhei Numbu of Japan set a long jump record at 26' 2 1/4". 

1938 Du Pont announced "nylon" as the new name for its new
synthetic yarn. 

1947 "You Bet Your Life," the radio show starring Grouch Marx,
premiered on ABC. It was later shown on NBC television. 

1954 Marilyn Monroe and Joe DiMaggio were divorced. They had been
married on January 14, 1954. 

1962 The Soviet Union adds to the Cuban Missile Crisis by calling
for the dismantling of U.S. missile basis in Turkey. U.S.
President Kennedy agreed to the new aspect of the agreement. 

1978 Egyptian President Anwar Sadat and Israeli Prime Minister
Menachem Begin were named winners of the Nobel Peace Prize for
their progress toward achieving a Middle East accord. 

1994 The U.S. Justice Department announced that the U.S. prison
population had exceeded one million for the first time in
American history. 

1997 The Dow Jones Industrial Average dropped 554.26 points. The
stock market was shut down for the first time since the 1981
assassination attempt on U.S. President Reagan. 

2002 Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva was elected president of Brazil in
a runoff. He was the country's first elected leftist leader. 

2003 Bank of America Corp. announced it had agreed to buy
FleetBoston Financial Corp. The deal created the second largest
banking company in the U.S.

2018  smiled.


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ScreenSavers 




Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, October 26
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


home4christmas.com is for sale! 
Make an offer! $50 minimum.
You  can use it for anything you want.

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award: 

DeLand man arrested for stealing over 
$50,000 in airplane parts, fuel

______________________________________________________
Today, October 26 in
1825 The Erie Canal opened in upstate New York. The 363-mile
canal connected Lake Erie and the Hudson River at a cost of
$7,602,000. 
 More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Steven Wright (1955 - ) I believe that people would be alive today if there were a death penalty. --- Nancy Reagan (1921 - ) ______________________________________________________ "What am I supposed to do with this?" grumbled a motorist as the cop handed him a speeding ticket. "Keep it," the cop said, "when you collect four of them you get to buy a bicycle." ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The thunder god went for a ride, upon his favorite filly. "I'm Thor," he cried. The horse replied, "You forgot your thaddle, thilly." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ The young lady walked over to the hospital room where she knew her friend was. "May I see Irving, please?" she asked the woman blocking the door. "We don't allow anyone but relatives to see the patients," replied the woman. "Are you a member of the family?" "Why-er-why, yes. I'm his sister," said the lady. "Oh, I'm so glad to meet you," said the woman. "I'm his mother!" ______________________________________________________ Noella's Swan, Bolivar, MO _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Joseph Lippo, 60, DeLand, Florida DeLand man arrested for stealing over $50,000 in airplane parts, fuel A DeLand aviation business owner is accused of stripping parts from planes in order to sell them and replacing them with older parts. According to the DeLand Police Department, multiple airplane owners have been victims of the scheme. Joseph Lippo, 60, was arrested Wednesday on charges of theft of more than $10,000 from a person 65 or older and grand theft. Police said Lippo removed parts, including radios, a compass and a battery from two planes and charged the planes' owners for replacements. Lippo is also accused of stealing fuel and a life raft from one of the planes and charging the owner for repairs that police said were never performed. One of Lippo's former employees told police the suspect regularly instructed him to remove parts and fuel from the plane stored at Lippo's hangar. Officers said the parts Lippo allegedly stole appeared for resale at a consignment store in Fort Lauderdale and on Craigslist. The total cost of everything stolen is over $50,000, according to a news release. The release states the cost of the repairs that were never performed appears to equal "tens of thousands of dollars." Lippo was released from the Volusia County Jail on bond Thursday morning. He declined to comment. From: Trish Re: Screen Saver Dear Webby It occurred to me that I don't have a 'screen saver' on. I don't know if it's best to have it on or not to, I'm sure some other readers would be interested to know. I did look at the 'clock screensavers', downloaded the mickey mouse one (or all of them for all I know), it did appear after whatever time I have screen saver on for but after half an hour or so the screen went black as it usually is when I leave my computer on. Is this the 'power saving thing happening' or what? I really am not sure why one should have a 'screen saver', does it 'save the screen' or what, "please explain". Think I read once that they just take up space on the computer. Not talking about the desktop picture, just screen saver and why if you put one on the thing goes black after a short while anyway. Thanks if you can answer this. Regards to you and yours, Trish Dear Trish The screensaver makes sure that you don't burn the default desktop into the screen. With today's monitors that is not so common, but I remember when I was a mobile computer tech and taking care of the government computers in the Yukon, and seeing all the 10 inch greenie monitors clearly showing the IBM DisplayWrite 4 menu, even when turned off. A moving picture prevents that from happening. Another reason for screen savers is so that the monitor does not show your Solitaire game or Farmville or Space Wars when you are running off to get coffee. The reason your monitor eventually turns off is not because it gets tired of amusing the dust bunnies, but to reduce your electricity bill. You can set the length of time it burns electricity, after you finish doing anything on it, in the power options. A modern monitor burns very little electricity and produces very little heat. However, over the course of a year, it does amount to a noticeable amount of cash. I would recommend to set the power option for the monitor to about 2 minutes. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A man and woman are having marriage problems, and decide to end their union after a very short time together. After a most brief attempt to reconcile, the couple goes to court to finalize their break-up. The judge asks the husband, "What has brought you to the point that you are now at, where you are not able to keep this marriage together?" The husband says, "In the six weeks we've been together, we haven't been able to agree on one thing." The wife interrupts with a correction: "Six and a half weeks!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The US has succeeded in building a computer able to solve any strategic or tactical problem. Military leaders are assembled in front of the new machine and instructed to feed a difficult tactical problem into it. They describe a hypothetical situation to the computer and then ask the pivotal question: Attack or Retreat? The computer hums away for an hour and then comes up with the answer: YES. The generals look at each other, somewhat stupefied. Finally one of them submits a second request to the computer: YES WHAT? Instantly the computer responded: YES SIR. ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Reduce Water In Toilet Tank Place a jug or bottle filled with water and rocks in your toilet tank to reduce the amount of water used with each flush. Don't use bricks because they will dissolve over time. Make sure that all of the workings inside the tank are not hampered. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Well....this is certainly a different desert house.
___________________________________________________ A group of cannibals are hired for programming. Their manager told them, you are doing good work, but please, don't touch your collegues and eat them. We have a canteen, you can eat there. Ok, so the cannibals promised. After 6 Weeks, the manager spoke to them again: Ok we are satisfied with your work and everything, and you are behaving very well. By the way, we are missing a cleaning woman, has somebody touched her? The cannibals denied. After he left, the chief of the cannibals asks "Who is the idiot who ate that cleaning women?" One of the cannibals admitted that he did. Are you out of your mind? For six weeks now have been eating VP's and Senior managers and nobody is taking notice. How can you be so stupid as to eat a working person? ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Larry goes to see his travel agent. "Hey Larry, going away on holiday again?" "Yes, but I need to ask for something different." "Go ahead ask me." "You know last year you suggested Hawaii and when I returned my wife was pregnant." "Yes, but. . ." "And the year before you suggested Bermuda and when I returned my wife was pregnant." "Yes, but. . ." "And the year before that I went to Bali and when I returned my wife was pregnant." "Yes." "Well! Could you suggest something cheaper this year so that I can bring her with me and keep an eye on her?"

Today October 26 in
1825 The Erie Canal opened in upstate New York. The 363-mile
canal connected Lake Erie and the Hudson River at a cost of
$7,602,000. 

1858 H.E. Smith patented the rotary-motion washing machine. 

1881 The "Gunfight at the OK Corral" took place in Tombstone, AZ.
The fight was between Wyatt Earp, his two brothers and Doc
Holiday against the Ike Clanton Gang. 

1905 Norway gained independence from Sweden. 

1942 The U.S. ship Hornet was sunk in the Battle of Santa Cruz
during World War II. 

1944 During World War II, the Battle of Leyte Gulf ended. The
battle was won by American forces and brought the end of the
Pacific phase of World War II into sight. 

1949 U.S. President Harry Truman raised the minimum wage from 40
to 75 cents an hour. 

1951 Winston Churchill became the prime minister of Great
Britain. 

1958 Pan American Airways flew its first Boeing 707 jetliner from
New York City to Paris. 

1962 The Soviet Union made an offer to end the Cuban Missile
Crisis by taking their missile bases out of Cuba if the U.S.
agreed to not invade Cuba and would remove Jupiter missiles in
Turkey. 

1967 The Shah of Iran crowned himself and his Queen after 26
years on the Peacock Throne. 

1972 U.S. National security adviser Henry Kissinger declared,
"Peace is at hand" in Vietnam. 

1977 The experimental space shuttle Enterprise successfully
landed at Edwards Air Force Base in California. 

1979 South Korean President Park Chung-hee was shot to death by
Kim Jae-kyu, the head of the Korean Central Intelligence Agency. 

1980 Israeli President Yitzhak Navon became the first Israeli -
head of state to visit Egypt. 

1984 "Baby Fae" was given the heart of a baboon after being born
with a severe heart defect. She lived for 21 days with the animal
heart. 

1985 Approximately 110,000 people marched past the U.S. and
Soviet embassies in London to pressure the two countries to end
their arms race. 

1988 Roussel Uclaf, a French pharmaceutical company, announced it
was halting the worldwide distribution of RU-486. The pill is
used to induce abortions. The French government made the company
reverse itself two days later. 

1988 Two whales were freed by Soviet and American icebreakers.
The whales had been trapped for nearly 3 weeks in an Arctic ice
pack. 

1990 The U.S. State Department issued a warning that terrorists
could be planning an attack on a passenger ship or aircraft. 

1990 Wayne Gretzky became the first NHL player to reach 2,000
points. 

1991 Former Washington Mayor Marion Barry arrived at a federal
correctional institution in Petersburg, VA, to begin serving a
six-month sentence for cocaine possession. 

1992 General Motors Corp. Chairman Robert Stempel resigned after
the company recorded its highest losses in history. 

1992 In Canada, voters rejected the Charlottetown accord, which
was designed to unify the country. 

1993 Deborah Gore Dean was convicted of 12 felony counts of
defrauding the U.S. government and lying to the U.S. Congress.
Dean was a central figure in the Reagan-era HUD scandal. 

1994 Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin of Israel and Prime Minister
Abdel Salam Majali of Jordan signed a peace treaty. 

1995 Mario Lemieux (Pittsburgh Penguins) scored his 500th
National Hockey League (NHL) career goal against the New York
Islanders in his 605th game. He became the second-fastest player
to attain the plateau. Wayne Gretzky had reached 600 goals by his
575th NHL game. 

1996 Federal prosecutors cleared Richard Jewell as a suspect in
the Olympic park bombing. 

1998 A French lab found a nerve agent on an Iraqi missile
warhead. 

2001 It was announced that Fort Worth's Lockheed Martin won a
defense contract for $200 billion over 40 years. The contract,
for the "joint strike fighter," was the largest defense contract
in history. 

2002 Russian authorities pumped a gas into a theater where
separatist rebels held over 800 hostages. The gas killed 116
hostages and all 50 hostage-takers were killed by the gas or
gunshot wounds.

2018  smiled.


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Inkjet or Laser? 





Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, October 25

home4christmas.com is for sale! 
Make an offer! $50 minimum.
You  can use it for anything you want.


Liberal students in Arizona State University majoring in
Wimpology claim they got PTSD because of Hillary losing the
election and Trump being President.                              


Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Woman shoots grandson for repeatedly
putting cup of tea on her good furniture

______________________________________________________
Today, October 25 in
1955 The microwave oven, for home use, was introduced 
by The Tappan Company.
 More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The more you find out about the world, the more opportunities there are to laugh at it. --- Bill Nye ______________________________________________________ Two priests and a rabbi are playing poker in the park. Suddenly, a police officer approaches the trio and asks the first priest, "Father, were you gambling?" The padre glances skyward and mumbles, "Forgive me, Jesus," then turns to the officer and says, "No, my son, I was not gambling." The lawman then turns to the second priest and asks him if he was gambling. The priest looks toward Heaven and says under his breath, "Forgive me, Jesus," then tells the officer, "No, my son, I was not gambling." The policeman then turns to the rabbi and says, "Rabbi, were you gambling?" The rabbi looks from one priest to the other, then turns to the officer and asks, "With who?" ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Minister at a funeral service, "Friends, let us say goodbye to our beloved, departed friend. Let us remember that here lies only the shell--the nut has gone!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ >From Lise When we put our house up for sale, I stressed emphatically that my sons make their beds each morning. I left for work before they left for school, and I wanted to be sure that the house looked presentable when the agent showed it to prospective buyers. I was surprised and impressed that my 15-year-old son's bed was perfectly made each day. One night when I went into his room, I discovered his secret. He was fast asleep on the floor in his sleeping bag. ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ Reported by Judy An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Helen Washington, 75, Brooklyn Center, Minnesota Woman shoots grandson for repeatedly putting cup of tea on her good furniture A Brooklyn Center woman faces assault charges after she allegedly shot her grandson in a dispute over a teacup. According to a report in the Star Tribune, 75-year-old Helen Washington shot the victim when he placed the cup on her furniture. She warned him not to put the cup there, and dumped the tea out. He got another cup of tea and again put it on the furniture. That's when she allegedly pulled out a gun and shot her grandson. She now faces second-degree assault charges. The incident happened Oct. 12 at Washington's Brooklyn Center home. The victim was shot in the thigh. She told police that she doesn't think she deserves to go to jail, according to the report. She has been released from Hennepin County Jail and is expected to make a court appearance in December. The real bonehead, though, is the grandson. From: Fran Re: Ink or Laser printer Dear Webby I know, you answered this years ago, but I forgot. What kind of printer should I get this time? I basically just print copies of bills I pay online. Thanks Fran Dear Fran If you don't print at least 3 times per week, you get ripped off with the drying out ink jets. If you print more than 3 times a week, then you get ripped off with exorbitant ink prices. Get a laser. Since you are just printing invoice receipts, you can get a cheap black laser. Black toner is really cheap and the cartridges last a long time. Laser toner does not dry out. It is already a dry powder. With a Laser you never come home from a vacation to find your printer dried out. A laser takes 10 seconds to warm up before the first print, but after that is much faster than an ink jet printer. Have FUN! DearWebby

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Manning the computer help desk for the local school district was my first job. And though I was just an intern, I took the job very seriously. But not every caller took me seriously. "Can I talk to a real person?" a caller asked. "I am real," I said. "Oh, I'm sorry," the caller said. "That was rude of me. What I meant to say was, could I talk to someone who actually knows something?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The following are actual statements found on insurance forms where car drivers attempted to summarize the details of an accident in the fewest words: Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have. The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions. I thought my windows were down but I found out it was up when I put my head through it. I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way. A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face. A pedestrian hit me and went under my car. The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him. I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother- in-law and headed over the embankment. In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole. I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprange up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car. I had been driving for 40 years when I feel asleep at the wheel and had an accident. I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident. As I approached the intersection, a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident. To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian. My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle. An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished. I told the police that I was not injured but on removing my hat, I found that I had a fractured skull. I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him. The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run so I ran over him. I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentlemen as he bounced off the hood of my car. The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth. I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows. The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of its way when it struck my front end. ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Thanksgiving Preparation One week prior, I buy all the canned goods, clean out the fridge, and start thawing the turkey. The day prior, I make most of the side dishes, desserts, and make one final grocery run. Then all I have to do on Thanksgiving is make the turkey. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
A breathtaking flower tunnel bursting with beautiful golden blossoms in Wales.
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this report: When I was a newly commissioned Lieutenant in the Army, I was assigned as a temporary assistant in an administrative office in a Military Intelligence unit. One day, a long memo came around with a cover sheet instructing all assigned officers to read it and initial it as indication of their compliance. I figured it meant me too, so I read and initialed it. But, a few days later, it came back addressed specifically to me. An attached note read, "You are not permanently assigned to this unit and are thus not an authorized signee. Please erase your initials and initial your erasure." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A Missouri farmer passed away and left 17 mules to his three sons. The instructions left in the will said that the oldest boy was to get one-half, the second oldest one-third, and the youngest one-ninth. The three sons, recognizing the difficulty of dividing 17 mules into these fractions, began to argue. Their uncle heard about the argument, hitched up his mule and drove out to settle the matter. He added his mule to the 17, making 18. The oldest therefore got one-half, or nine, the second oldest got one-third, or six, and the youngest son got one-ninth, or two. Adding up 9, 6 and 2 equals 17. The uncle, having settled the argument, hitched up his mule and drove home.

Today October 25 in
1415 In Northern France, England won the Battle of Agincourt over
France during the Hundred Years' War. Almost 6000 Frenchmen were
killed while fewer than 400 were lost by the English. 

1812 During the War of 1812, the U.S. frigate United States
captured the British vessel Macedonian. 

1854 The Charge of the Light Brigade took place during the
Crimean War. The British were winning the Battle of Balaclava
when Lord James Cardigan received an order to attack the
Russians. He took his troops into a valley and suffered 40
percent caualties. Later it was revealed that the order was the
result of confusion and was not given intentionally. 

1870 The first U.S. trademark was given. The recipient was the
Averill Chemical Paint Company of New York City. 

1917 The Bolsheviks (Communists) under Vladimir Ilyich Lenin
seized power in Russia. 

1929 Alber B. Fall, of U.S. President Harding's cabinet, was
found guilty of taking a bribe. He was sentenced to a year in
prison and fined $100,000. 

1951 In Panmunjom, peace talks concerning the Korean War resumed
after 63 days. 

1955 The microwave oven, for home use, was introduced by The
Tappan Company. 

1958 U.S. Marines withdrew from Beirut, Lebanon. They had been
sent in on July 25, 1958, to protect the nation's pro-Western
government. 

1960 The Accutron watch by the Bulova Watch Company was
introduced. 

1962 U.S. Ambassador Adlai Stevenson presented photographic
evidence to the United Nations Security Council. The photos were
of Soviet missile bases in Cuba. 

1971 The U.N. General Assembly voted to expel Taiwan and admit
mainland China. 

1983 U.S. troops and soldiers from six Caribbean nations invaded
Grenada to restore order and provide protection to U.S. citizens
after a recent coup within Grenada's Communist (pro-Cuban)
government. 

1990 It was announced by U.S. Defense Secretary Dick Cheney that
the Pentagon was planning to send 100,000 more troops to Saudi
Arabia. 

2000 AT&T Corp. announced that it would restructure into a family
of four separately traded companies (consumer, business,
broadband and wireless). 

2001 It was announced that scientists had unearthed the remains
of an ancient crocodile which lived 110 million years ago. The
animal, found in Gadoufaoua, Niger, grew as long as 40 feet and
weighed as much as eight metric tons. 

2018  smiled.


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Nigerian Scams 




Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, October 24

home4christmas.com is for sale! 
Make an offer! $50 minimum.
You  can use it for anything you want.

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Alabama mother charged after 5 children 
test positive for cocaine

______________________________________________________
Today, October 24 in
1939 Nylon stockings were sold to the public 
for the first time in Wilmington, DE. 
 More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad to realize that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days. --- Garrison Keillor (1942 - ) ______________________________________________________5 Dear Ma and Pa: Am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Army beats working for old man Minch. Tell them to join up quick before all the places are filled. I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m.( but am getting so I like to sleep late. All you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things -- no hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing. The guys have to shave, but they say it is not bad in warm water, and after I thumped a few of them, they don't tell nobody about why I don't need to shave. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, beef, ham steak, fried eggplant, pie and regular food, but you can always sit between two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till noon, when you get fed. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much. We go on "route marches," which, the Sgt. says, are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it is not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is a casual stroll about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys all get sore feet and we ride back in trucks. The country is nice, but awful flat. The Sgt. is like a schoolteacher. He nags some. The Capt. is like the school board. Kernels. and Generals just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why, the bull's-eye is near big as a chipmonk and don't move and it ain't shooting at you, like the Higsett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it, you don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes. Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer and Mary to hurry and join before others get onto this setup and come stampeding in. Your loving daughter, Pat ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The Installation Commander and his wife were out having dinner at the officers club a good-looking blonde came over and open-mouth kissed the husband right in front of the wife and said "I'll see you tomorrow for a nooner right sweetie?" And walked away. The wife couldn't believe her eyes, "Who was that?" She demanded. He replied: "My mistress" The wife then told her husband she wanted a divorce. "That's fine," Said the base commander. "But that means no more shopping at the commissary and base exchange, no more assignments in Europe, and you'll no longer be president of the Officer's Wives Club, and won't be able to lord it over the other wives." At that moment in walked a colonel with a woman on his arm. When the wife asked who the woman with the colonel was the base commander said, "That's Peter's mistress" The wife looked back at colonel and his mistress and grinned, "Ours is prettier." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Great Comeback This has got to be the all-time classic comeback. This is a recount of a National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster, and US Army General Reinwald who's about to sponsor a boy scout troop visiting his military installation. (Note: While this has been presented as a "true story" for several years, some people dispute that it actually happened). FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?" GENERAL REINWALD: "We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting." FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?" GENERAL REINWALD: "I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range." FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?" GENERAL REINWALD: "I don't see how, ....we will be teaching them proper rifle range discipline before they ever touch a firearm." FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "But you're equipping them to become violent killers." GENERAL REINWALD: "Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you? The radio went silent and the interview ended. ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Darlene Mullen wore the stolen jacket when she arrived at court to be sentenced for other shoplifting charges Darlene Mullen,26, from Perth, Scotland Woman arrested for stealing Primark coat on her way to shoplifting court case A shoplifter has been arrested after she stole a coat from Primark on her way to court. Darlene Mullen from Perth, Scotland, was wearing the stolen jacket when she arrived at court to be sentenced for other shoplifting charges. The 26-year-old was caught on camera asking staff at the court to help her remove the security tag from the coat. Solicitor David Holmes, defending Darlene, asked Perth Sheriff Court to give her a community sentence and said she was on the right track and was dealing with her criminal behaviour. But Sheriff Lindsay Foulis said: ‘Let me stop you right there. She was supposed to be here at 10am on 19 September to be sentenced by my brother sheriff for shoplifting. ‘At 10.25am she stopped off on her way here to steal a coat from Primark. You can hardly tell me that is her being on the right track.’ He said he had no option but to jail Darlene after she admitted stopping off to steal the coat from Primark after being caught cold during Storm Ali last month. She had already been spotted on CCTV and was recognised by her distinctive red wellington boots before she was arrested on the court steps. The court was told last month that she was unable to appear because she had been arrested a short time before her case called. She then appeared from custody and admitted stealing clothing from Primark on 19 September, while she was on bail. She also admitted being in possession five wraps of heroin worth around £100 when she was arrested. Fiscal depute Carol Whyte told the court: ‘The item was valued at £25.. When the accused was arrested at court she was wearing the jacket. ‘Although it was not in a re-saleable condition, I doubt she still has it.’ Co-accused Natalie Radunski, 22, also appeared from custody alongside Darlene and admitted stealing items of clothing from Primark. A court source said: ‘It takes some nerve to stop off on the way to court to steal a jacket because you haven’t dressed warm enough to cope with the storm. ‘It was absolutely tipping down when they arrived at court and Darlene hadn’t even taken the label and price tag off the jacket she had stolen. “To hand the tags over to the security staff on the door at the court might not have been the brightest idea she ever had. ‘There was already an alert out for her after she was spotted leaving Primark and her bright red wellies made it pretty easy for the police to identify her.’ Natalie, also of Nimmo Place, Perth, was jailed for four months yesterday. From: Eric Re: Nigerian Scams Dear Webby I can't believe that people are still falling for these Nigerian Scams. Do you recommend forwarding them to the FTC as well as getting them over to Spam Cop? Eric Dear Eric They still fall for Hillary too. And Pelosi. FTC is a total waste of time. They pick one or two celebrity cases a year, and with all the other complaints they just make pretty graphs. SpamCop is sometimes effective, in that they complain to the ISP of the sender. Some ISPs stomp on them. They come onto Facebook too, and claim to have some good news for you. Whenever you see that phrase "good news" or that you have won, or that there is money for you, dump and block. They all promise something ridiculous, but first you have to sign up with their "lawyer" and pay a fee. The technical term is 419 (advance fee). Totally illegal. But since the crooks are hiding in Nigeria, not much happens to them. I read that 39% of the Nigerian GDP is from 419 scams. Just dump and block. No point wasting time on them. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Murals Inlet, S.C., bills itself as the "Seafood Capital of South Carolina." It has so many seafood restaurants that it is hard to decide which one to choose. My wife and I were trying to do just that when we came upon, of all things, a steakhouse. It seemed busy, perhaps because it had adapted to its environment. A sign out front read: "Catch of the Day -- COW!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I'm a counselor who helps coordinate support groups for visually impaired adults. Many participants have a condition known as macular degeneration, which makes it difficult for them to distinguish facial features. I had just been assigned to a new group and was introducing myself. Knowing that many in the group would not be able to see me well, I jokingly said, "For those of you who can't see me, I've been told that I look like a cross between Paul Newman and Robert Redford." Immediately, one woman called out, "We're not THAT blind!" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Make Your Own Chip Bags Rather than buy the more expensive little bags, just buy a large bag and transfer them to smaller bags yourself. This works well for school and work lunches and dieting. Large bags of chips tend to be much cheaper than the smaller pre-packaged alternative. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Barkcloth, a fabric made from Fig trees.
___________________________________________________ A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. In the den was a stuffed lion. The visiting hunter asked, "when did you bag him?" The host said, "that was three years ago, when I went hunting with my wife and her mother." "What's he stuffed with?" asked the visiting hunter. "My mother-in-law" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A guy took a girl out on her first date. When they pulled off into a secluded area around midnight, the girl said, "My mother told me to say no to everything." "Well," he said, "do you mind if I put my arm around you?" "Uhhh . . . no," the girl replied. "Do you mind if I put my other hand on your leg?" "N-n-no," the girl stammered. "You know," Barry said, "We're going to have a lot of fun if you're on the level about this."

Today October 24 in
1648 The Holy Roman Empire was effectively destroyed by the Peace
of Westphalia that brought an end to the Thirty Years War. 

1795 The country of Poland was divided up between Austria,
Prussia, and Russia. 

1836 Alonzo D. Phillips received a patent for the phosphorous
friction safety match. 

1861 The first transcontinental telegraph message was sent when
Justice Stephen J. Field of California transmitted a telegram to
U.S. President Lincoln. 

1901 Daredevil Anna Edson Taylor became the first person to go
over Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. She was 63 years old. 

1929 In the U.S., investors dumped more than 13 million shares on
the stock market. The day is known as "Black Tuesday." 

1931 The upper level of the George Washington Bridge opened for
traffic between New York and New Jersey. 

1939 Nylon stockings were sold to the public for the first time
in Wilmington, DE. 

1940 In the U.S., the 40-hour workweek went into effect under the
Fair Labor Standards Act of 1938. 

1945 The United Nations (UN) was formally established less than a
month after the end of World War II. 

1948 The term "cold war" was used for the first time. It was in a
speech by Bernard Baruch before the Senate War Investigating
Committee. 

1960 All remaining American-owned property in Cuba was
nationalized. The process of nationalizing all U.S. and foreign-
owned property in Cuban had begun on August 6, 1960. That act did
not go over well in the US.

1962 During the Cuban Missile Crisis, U.S. military forces went
on the highest alert in the postwar era in preparation for a
possible full-scale war with the Soviet Union. The U.S. blockade
of Cuba officially began on this day. 

1969 Richard Burton bought his wife Elizabeth Taylor a 69-carat
Cartier diamond ring for $1.5 million. Burton presented the ring
to Taylor several days later. 

1986 Britain broke off relations with Syria after a Jordanian was
convicted in an attempted bombing. The evidence in the trial led
to the belief that Syria was involved in the attack on the
Israeli jetliner. 

1992 The Toronto Blue Jays became the first non-U.S. team to win
the World Series. 

2001 The U.S. House of Representatives approved legislation that
gave police the power to secretly search homes, tap all of a
person's telephone conversation and track people's use of the
Internet. 

2001 The U.S. stamp "United We Stand" was dedicated. 

2001 NASA's 2001 Mars Odyssey spacecraft successfully entered
orbit around Mars. 

2002 Microsoft Corp. and Walt Disney Co. announced the release of
an upgraded MSN Internet service with Disney content. 

2003 In London, the last commercial supersonic Concorde flight
landed.

2018  smiled.


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Pictures in wrong format 




Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, October 23

home4christmas.com is for sale! 
Make an offer! $50 minimum.
You  can use it for anything you want.

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Man ate Tide Pod then destroyed $7,500 
of hospital equipment

______________________________________________________
Today, October 23 in
1929 In the U.S., the Dow Jones Industrial Average plunged
starting the stock-market crash that began the Great Depression.
 More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want and deserve to get it good and hard. --- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) CNN is one of the participants in the war. I have a fantasy where Ted Turner is elected president but refuses because he doesn't want to give up power. --- Arthur C. Clarke Too many of us look upon Americans as dollar chasers. This is a cruel libel, even if it is reiterated thoughtlessly by the Americans themselves. --- Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955) No matter how rich you become, how famous or powerful, when you die the size of your funeral will still pretty much depend on the weather. --- Michael Pritchard ______________________________________________________ "Hubby Pie" Can be prepared 20 years ahead. Ingredients: Crust: 1 hard-skinned hubby 1 comfortable sofa Filling: 1 TV remote control 6 pack of beer 1 packet chips (crisps) 1 family size pizza 1 large serve nacho 1 melted cheese sandwich 15 years patience lifetime of loving care 1 ounce of resignation Method: Cram one thick-skinned hubby into a well worn greased and comfortable sofa and leave to set (probably will take length of one sport show), remove from family room and bring to kitchen to finish filling. Mix TV remote control, chip packet, pizza, hotdog, nachos and cheese sandwich on a large tray. Add six pack of beer slowly (to avoid excess gas), bind with a lot of patience, loving care and resignation. Be careful to place hubby and filling carefully back in front of the TV so as not to disturb the view of the screen and leave to solidify indefinitely. Head back to your computer and have a marvellous time chatting with your online friends UNDISTURBED!!! (Or, go SHOPPING!) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say, "Jesus is watching you." Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again. "Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again. The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot. He asked the parrot, "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?" "Yes", said the parrot. The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, then he asked the parrot, "What's your name?" "Clarence," said the bird. "That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?" The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Rottweiller Jesus." (Rottweilers let burglars in and do what they want, but won't let them leave.) _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A new employee joins the Company, and is required to have a password setup for his computer. The boss directed a secretary to setup the password for him. The secretary asks the man for the password. The man, attempting to embrass the secretary in order to show superiority, said, "Penis." Blushed, the secretary, who knew what to expect, typed the password Penis, and re-typed it again. Then she hit enter. The whole office heard the secretary bursting out screaming laughters as a reaction from the computer's screen: "Password rejected. Reason: Too short" ______________________________________________________ Pennsylvania _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Justin Foster, 28, Tallahassee Florida Florida man accused of flying to Illinois, cutting off penis of ex's new boyfriend A Tallahassee man was jailed in Illinois and held on a $1 million bond after he reportedly flew to Chicago to confront the new boyfriend of his ex-girlfriend, the Chicago Tribune reported. Justin Foster, 28, is charged with attempted murder. He reportedly went to Atlanta and caught a flight to Chicago, where he rented a car and located a man who is allegedly dating Foster's ex-girlfriend. Foster is accused of hitting the man over the head with a tire iron before carving his initials into the man's leg. He then cut off the man's penis and threw it over a fence before leaving him in a pool of blood. The man survived, news outlets reported, but is left with permanent brain damage. A prosecutor was quoted in the Tribune and argued against granting bond to Foster: “We’re talking about a very heinous crime here," Assistant State’s Attorney Luis Muniz said. "A monetary bond is not appropriate.” From: Fred Re: Pictures saved in wrong format Dear Webby Quick question--- When ever I right click and save as--- to a gif- it comes up as save as a bitmap-- Whats up with that??? Im using hot mail. Fred Dear Fred That is a sign that you don't have enough free and unused memory available for Windows to do it properly, so, in order not to completely lose the file, it saves it as a BMP. Running CrapClener or rebooting usually restores enough free memory so that it will again save pictures properly. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
1. Is there a 4th of July in England? Yes or no? 2. How many birthdays does the average man have? 3. Some months have 31 days. How many have 28? 4. How many outs are there in an inning? 5. Is it legal for a man in California to marry his widow's sister. 6. Take the number 30, divide it by 1/2, and then add 10. What do you get? 7. There are 3 apples and you take two away. How many apples are you left with? 8. A doctor gives you three pills and tells you to take one every half an hour. How long will the pills last? 9. A farmer has 17 sheep. All but 9 of them die. How many sheep are left? 10. How many animals of each sex did Moses bring with him on the ark? 11. A butcher in the market is 5' 10" tall. What does he weigh? 12. How many 2 cent stamps are there in a dozen? 13. What was the President's name in 1960? =============================================== So how do you think you did in that quiz? Here are the answers.... 1. Is there a 4th of July in England? Yes or No? Yes. It comes right after the 3rd. 2. How many birthdays does the average man have? One (1). You can only be born once. 3. Some months have 31 days. How many have 28? Twelve (12). All of them have at least 28 days. 4. How many outs are there in an inning? Six (6). Don't forget there is a top and bottom to every inning. 5. Is it legal for a man in California to marry his widow's sister? No. If she is a widow, he is dead. 6. Take the number 30, divide it by 1/2, and then add 10. What do you get? Seventy (70). Thirty (30) divided by 1/2 is 60. 7. There are 3 apples and you take two away. How many apples are you left with? Two (2). You take two apples...therefore, YOU have TWO apples. 8. A doctor gives you three pills and tells you to take one every half and hour. How long will the pills last? One hour. If you take the first pill at 1:00, the second at 1:30, and the third at 2:00, the pills have run out and only an hour has passed. 9. A farmer has 17 sheep. All but 9 of them die. How many sheep are left? Nine (9). like I said, all BUT nine die. 10. How many animals of each sex did Moses take on his ark? None. I didn't know that Moses had an ark. 11. A butcher in the market is 5' 10" tall. What does he weigh? Meat...that is self-explanatory. 12. How many 2 cent stamps are there in a dozen? Twelve (12). How many eggs are in a dozen? TWELVE...it's a dozen! 13. What was the President's name in 1960? Donald Trump. As far as I know, he hasn't changed his name.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him. "Why do we have to learn this stuff?" one young man blurted out. "To save lives," the professor responded before continuing the lecture. A few minutes later the student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?" The professor stared at the student for a long time without saying a word and then continued. "Physics saves lives," he said, "because it keeps the idiots out of medical school." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Keeping Brown Sugar Soft Cleaning Walls Use a long handled sponge mop to clean your walls. It makes it easier to reach the high parts of your walls and it also can be used on ceilings. Be careful using a sponge mop on thick, popcorn textured ceilings or rough wall surfaces. It will quickly tear up the sponge. You have to protect everything with drop sheets (cheap plastic from paint supply stores). Then you can use a pressure washer and thoroughly clean textured ceilings. Pressure washers usually have a soap admixture tank, that you can fill with dish soap and set the strength, for example 2 drops per gallon. You can rent pressure washers at Home Depot and even some grocery stores. Have FUN! DearWebby Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
I'll bet she's popular at Halloween!
___________________________________________________ In one epsiode of "Cheers", Cliff is seated at the bar describing the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. Here it is, for your enjoyment: "Well, you see Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the heard is hunted, it is the lowest and weakest onles at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and heald of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A sergeant was passing the barracks after lights out, when he heard some voices from inside. He slammed open the door, and screamed: Listen, you guys! A few minutes ago, you all heard me say good night. What you must realize, is that when I say "Good Night," what I really mean is "Shut up!!!" The room instantly fell silent. But after a few seconds, a small voice could be heard from somewhere in the far back of the dark room: "Good Night, Sergeant"

Today October 23 in
1864 During the U.S. Civil War, Union forces led by Gen. Samuel
R. Curtis defeated the Confederate forces in Missouri that were
under Gen. Stirling Price. 

1910 Blanche S. Scott became the first American woman to make a
public solo airplane flight in the United States. 

1915 Approximately 25,000 women demanded the right to vote with a
march in New York City, NY. 

1929 In the U.S., the Dow Jones Industrial Average plunged
starting the stock-market crash that began the Great Depression. 

1942 During World War II, the British began a major offensive
against Axis forces at El Alamein, Egypt. 

1944 During World War II, the Battle of Leyte Gulf began. 

1946 The United Nations General Assembly convened in New York for
the first time. 

1956 Hungarian citizens began an uprising against Soviet
occupation. On November 4, 1956 Soviet forces enter Hungary and
eventually suppress the uprising. 

1956 NBC broadcasted the first videotape recording. The tape of
Jonathan Winters was seen coast to coast in the U.S. 

1958 Russian poet and novelist Boris Pasternak was awarded the
Nobel Prize for literature. He was forced to refuse the honor due
to negative Soviet reaction. Pasternak won the award for writing
"Dr. Zhivago". 

1962 During the Cuban Missile Crisis, the U.S. naval "quarantine"
of Cuba was approved by the Council of the Organization of
American States (OAS). 

1962 The U.S. Navy reconnaissance squadron VFP-62 began
overflights of Cuba under the code name "Blue Moon." 

1971 The U.N. General Assembly voted to expel Taiwan and seat
Communist China. 

1973 U.S. President Richard M. Nixon agreed to turn over the
subpoenaed tapes concerning the Watergate affair. 

1978 China and Japan formally ended four decades of hostility
when they exchanged treaty ratifications. 

1985 U.S. President Reagan arrived in New York to address the
U.N. General Assembly. 

1989 Hungary became an independent republic, after 33 years of
Soviet rule. 

1992 Japanese Emperor Akihito became the first Japanese emperor
to stand on Chinese soil. 

1995 Russian President Boris Yeltsin and U.S. President Bill
Clinton agree to a joint peacekeeping effort in the war-torn
Bosnia. 

1998 Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and Palestinian
Chairman Yasser Arafat reach a breakthrough in a land-for-peace
West Bank accord. 

1998 Japan nationalized its first bank since World War II. 

2000 Universal Studios Consumer Products Group (USCPG) and Amblin
Entertainment announced an unprecedented and exclusive three-year
worldwide merchandising program with Toys "R" Us, Inc. The deal
was for the rights to exclusive "E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial"
merchandise starting in fall 2001. The film was scheduled for re-
release in the spring of 2002. 

2001 NASA's Mars Odyssey spacecraft began orbiting Mars. In 2010,
it became the longest-operating spacecraft ever sent to Mars. 

2018  smiled.


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Crap Cleaner and AdAware 




Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, October 22

home4christmas.com is for sale! 
Make an offer! $50 minimum.
You  can use it for anything you want.

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Man ate Tide Pod then destroyed $7,500 
of hospital equipment

______________________________________________________
Today, October 22 in
1797 Andre-Jacques Garnerin made the first recorded 
parachute jump. He made the jump from about 3,000 feet. 
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Rob Delaney, Twitter People with courage and character always seem sinister to the rest. --- Hermann Hesse (1877 - 1962) When the character of a man is not clear to you, look at his friends. --- Japanese Proverb ______________________________________________________ Pete and Gladys were looking at a new living room suite in the furniture store. Pete said to the salesman, "We really like it, but I don't think we can afford it." The salesman said, "You just make a small down payment, and then you don't make another payment for six months." Gladys wheeled around with her hands on her hips and said, "Who told you about us?" ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer, "No, ma'am, we haven't had any for some weeks now, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting any soon." Alarmed by what was being said, the manager rushed over to the customer who was walking out the door and said, "That isn't true, ma'am. Of course, we'll have some soon. In fact, we placed an order for them a couple of days ago." Then the manager drew the clerk aside and growled, "Never, never, never, never say we don't have something. If we don't have it, say we ordered it and it's on its way. Now, what was it she asked about?" "Rapes in the parking lot." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Vickey for this story: According to my mother, she and my dad decided to start a family soon after he became an officer in the Air Force. When months went by without success, they consulted the base physician, who chose to examine my mom right then and there. "Please disrobe," he told her. "With him in the room?" she yelled, pointing to my father. Turning to my dad, the doctor said, "Captain, I think I found the problem." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Brandon McVay, 26, Council Bluffs, Iowa. Man ate Tide Pod then destroyed $7,500 of hospital equipment A man ate a Tide Pod then destroyed $7,500 worth of hospital equipment during an ‘out of control’ hospital rampage, court documents say. Brandon McVay, 26, began ‘yelling loudly’ while smashing four computer screens during treatment for swallowing the detergent capsule at Mercy Hospital in Council Bluffs, Ia., it is claimed. His alleged spree of destruction began while hospital staff were treating him on October 4, and saw McVay trash both his own hospital room and a hallway, police say. McVay was finally brought under control when police arrived at the hospital, pinned him to the ground and placed him under arrest, the Omaha World Herald reported. A police report noted that the building was strewn with smashed computer equipment and debris. McVay was charged with second-degree criminal mischief and has been freed on $5,000 bail.
From: Carolyn Re: Crap Cleaner and Ad Aware Dear Webby I run Ad-aware once a week. If I install Crap Cleaner will I have a problem? Seem like some programs are not compatible with it. Thanks- you are always helpful!!! Carolyn Dear Carolyn Should be no problem at all. They go after totally different things and Crap Cleaner exits cleanly after doing it's work. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Kate goes over to visit one of her friends. While she is at her friend's house it starts to rain very heavily. Her friend tells her to spend the night at her house and go home the next day. When she hears this, Kate rushes out the door and comes a while later totally drenched and carrying a small shopping bag. So her friend asks "Where did you run off too?" "I went home to get my pajamas!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
>From today, 18 years ago: The two major party presidential candidates today agreed that Americans are seeing too much inappropriate material in popular entertainment. However, they disagreed on the details. The Republican candidate, George W. Bush, stated that there is too much bloody violence in the movies and on television. Vice President Al Gore, his Democratic opponent, stated meanwhile that the media present Americans with too much sex and frontal nudity. In other words, Bush says there is too much gore and Gore says there is too much bush. ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Keeping Brown Sugar Soft Here is my tip for keeping brown sugar moist. Use marshmallows! You can use bread, but bread gets moldy and then you have to replace it. Not so with marshmallows! By Elaine S. from near Cedar Rapids, IA Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Hearst Castle,the unbelievably opulent home built for an infamous newspaperman.
___________________________________________________ The software engineering field is staffed primarily by men; the ratio of male to female software engineers is on the order of 15 to 1. This makes it pretty easy for women to find potential mates among their peers. However, software types have a well-earned reputation for being... a little strange. While discussing the prospect of working in the software industry, one woman commented to another: "The odds are good, but the goods are odd." One look at W10 would convince anybody that she has a point! ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Cajun Boudreaux been fish'n down by de bayou all day an he done run outa night crawlers. He be bout reddy to leave when he seen a snake wit a big frog in his mouf. He knowed dat dem big bass fish like frogs, so he decided to steal dat froggie. Dat snake, he be a cotton moufed water moccasin so he had to be real careful or he'd get bit. He snuk up behine de snake and grabbed him roun de haid. Dat ole snake din't lak dat one bit. He squirmed and wrapped hisself roun Boudreaux's arm try'n to get hisself free. But Boudreaux, him, had a real good grip on his haid, yeh. Well, Boudreaux pried his mouf open and got de frog and puts it in his baitcan. Now, Boudreaux knows dat he cain't let go dat snake or his gonna bite him good, but he had a plan. He reach into de back pocket of his bib overhauls and pulls out a pint a moonshine likker. He pour some drops into de snakes mouf. Well, dat snake's eyeballs roll back in his haid and his body go limp. Wit dat Boudreaux toss dat snake into de bayou. Den he goes back to fishin'. A while later Boudreaux dun feel sumpin tappin' on his barefoot toe. He slowly look down and dare dat water moccasin was with two more frogs.

Today October 22 in
1746 The College of New Jersey was officially chartered. It later
became known as Princeton University. 

1797 Andre-Jacques Garnerin made the first recorded parachute
jump. He made the jump from about 3,000 feet. 

1836 Sam Houston was inaugurated as the first constitutionally
elected president of the Republic of Texas. 

1844 This day is recognized as "The Great Disappointment" among
those who practiced Millerism. The world was expected to come to
an end according to the followers of William Miller. 

1879 Thomas Edison conducted his first successful experiment with
a high-resistance carbon filament. 

1907 The Panic of 1907 began when depositors began withdrawing
money from many New York banks. 

1939 The first televised pro football game was telecast from New
York. Brooklyn defeated Philadelphia 23-14. 

1954 The Federal Republic of Germany was invited to join the
North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO). 

1962 U.S. President Kennedy went on radio and television to
inform the United States about his order to send U.S. forces to
blockade Cuba. The blockade was in response to the discovery of
Soviet missile bases on the island. 

1968 Apollo 7 splashed down in the Atlantic Ocean. The spacecraft
had orbited the Earth 163 times. 

1975 Air Force Technical Sergeant Leonard Matlovich was
discharged after publicly declaring his homosexuality. His
tombstone reads " "A gay Vietnam Veteran. When I was in the
military they gave me a medal for killing two men and a discharge
for loving one." 

1979 The ousted Shah of Iran, Mohammad Riza Pahlavi was allowed
into the U.S. for medical treatment. He had originally been
installed in Iran by the CIA, but eventually fell out of favor.

1981 The Professional Air Traffic Controllers Organization was
decertified by the federal government for its strike the previous
August. 

1983 At the Augusta National Golf Course in Georgia, an armed man
crashed a truck through front gates and demanded to speak with
U.S. President Ronald Reagan. 

1986 U.S. President Reagan signed the Tax Reform Act of 1986 into
law. 

1991 The European Community and the European Free Trade
Association agreed to create a free trade zone of 19 nations by
the year 1993. 

1998 Pakistan's carpet weaving industry announced that they would
begin to phase out child labor. 

1999 China ended its first-ever human rights conference in which
it defied Western definitions of civil liberties. 

2008 The iTunes Music Store reached 200 million applications
downloaded. 

2010 The Internation Space Station set the record (3641 days) for
the longest continuous human occupation of space. It had been
continously inhabited since November 2, 2000.

2018  smiled.


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Filter to get rid of foreign spam 




Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, October 21

home4christmas.com is for sale! 
Make an offer! $50 minimum.
You  can use it for anything you want.

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award: 

South Carolina teen accused of shooting 
at road sign, accidentally killing a Marine 
on his front porch

______________________________________________________
Today, October 21 in
1918 Margaret Owen set a typing speed record of 170 words 
per minute on a manual typewriter. 
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
People might not get all they work for in this world, but they must certainly work for all they get. --- Frederick Douglass (1817 - 1895) ______________________________________________________ "Look at ME!" boasted the fit old man to a group of young people. "Every morning I do fifty push-ups, do fifty sit-ups, and walk two miles. I'm fit as a fiddle! And you want to know why? I don't smoke, I don't drink, I don't stay up late, and I don't chase after women!" He smiled at them, teeth white, eyes glittering, "And tomorrow, I'm going to celebrate my 95th birthday!" "Oh, really?" drawled one of the young onlookers, "How?" ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ He loved living in Staten Island, but he wasn't crazy about the ferry. Miss a ferry late at night, and you have to spend the next hour or so wandering the deserted streets of lower Manhattan. So when he spotted a ferry no more than fifteen feet from the dock, he decided he wouldn't subject himself to an hour's wait. He made a running leap and landed on his hands and knees, a little bruised maybe, but safe on deck. He got up, brushed himself off, and announced proudly to a bystander, "Well, I made that one, didn't I?' "Sure did," the bystander said. "But you should have waited a minute. The ferry is just about to dock." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ On a recent evening a family sat in a darkened theater waiting to see the latest hit movie. As the screen lit up with a flashy ad for the theater's concession stand, they noticed the sound was missing. The unexpected silence continued for several moments. Then out of the darkness, an irritated voice in the crowd demanded, "Okay, who's siting on the remote?" ______________________________________________________ Senators at the dump road If you want to see thousands of them, go to "Council Flats" in Haines, Alaska. They snag dead salmon drifting down the river, fly up to some tree and eat it, then sit there waiting until it is digested, then they go get another salmon. With a Million salmon going up river to spawn and die, you can watch that for 3 - 4 weeks. There are lots of bears there too. They grab live salmon heading up river. You can take pictures from safe pull-outs on the Haines Road. It is maybe not too late to reserve a hotel room for October 2021. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Eason Reid Gravley, 17, Greenwood County, South Carolina South Carolina teen accused of shooting at road sign, accidentally killing Marine on his front porch A South Carolina teenager is accused of firing a gun at a road sign and accidentally shooting and killing a Marine on his porch. The State newspaper reported 17-year-old Eason Reid Gravley faces charges of involuntary manslaughter and possession of a handgun in connection to the death of 48-year-old Joe Darius Black. The suspect allegedly fired the gun at about 11:30 p.m. Wednesday in Greenwood County, fatally hitting the victim in the chest. The bullet “passed through or by the road sign” and into a wooded area near Black’s home, according to deputies. Black leaves behind a wife and four children. He retired from the U.S. Marine Corps after serving 20 years.
From: Coral Re: Need a filter for foreign spam Dear Webby That trick was slick! It catches 2-3 spams every single download, and never a false alarm like with those long and convoluted ones from those paid subscriptions! I love it! Got any more gems like that? I need one for catching Russian or Asian spam. Coral Dear Coral Glad you like it! OK, here is another one like that: I call it base64 Mark for blacklisting Mark for Deleting On Process ANY rules If the Entire header -- contains -- base64 If the Entire header -- contains -- iso-9959-1 If the body -- contains -- Content-Transfer-Encoding: base64 Keep it red and visible or a month to see if you get any false alarms. I haven't had any false alarms and made it invisible. For those who are new to MailWasher: You can give each filter a long and descriptive name and also a short status name that shows up in the list with the spam that it caught. You can choose the color for the status name. I use different shades of red for new filters that I am still testing and watching, sh*t brown for spam filters that have proven themselves to be reliable, green for friends, so that even if they jokingly use typical spam words, they won't get dumped, and blue for business contacts and subscriptions. You can of course use any of 16 Million colors of your choice, whatever colors make the most sense for you. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
God created the mule, and told him, "You will be mule, working constantly from dusk to dawn, carrying heavy loads on your back. You will eat grass and you lack intelligence. You will live for 40 years." The mule answered, "To live like this for 40 years is too much. Please, give me no more than 20." And it was so. Then God created the dog, and told him, "You will hold vigilance over the dwellings of Man, to whom you will be his greatest companion. You will eat his table scraps and live for 30 years." And the dog responded, "Lord, to live 30 years as a dog is too much. Please, no more than 15 years." And it was so. God then created the monkey, and told him, "You are Monkey. You shall swing from tree to tree, acting like an idiot. You will be funny, and you shall live for 20 years." And the monkey responded, "Lord, to live 20 years as the clown of the world is too much. Please, Lord, give me no more than 10 years." And it was so. Finally, God created Man and told him, "You are Man, the only rational being that walks the earth. You will use your intelligence to have mastery over the creatures of the world. You will dominate the earth and live for 20 years." And the man responded, "Lord, to be Man for only 20 years is too little. Please, Lord, give me the 20 years the mule refused, the 15 years the dog refused, and the 10 years the monkey rejected." And it was so. And so God made Man to live 20 years as a man, then marry and live 20 years like a mule working and carrying heavy loads on his back. Then, he is to have children and live 15 years as a dog, guarding his house and eating the leftovers after they empty the pantry; then, in his old age, to live 10 years as a monkey, acting like a clown to amuse his grandchildren.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
**BEEP** You have reached the Breast Cancer Self-Examination Hotline. Press one to continue. (pause) Now, press the other one. **BEEP** ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Shop at Antique Malls or Flea Markets When you are shopping for Christmas, don't overlook antique malls and flea markets. You can find some unique and unusual gifts that you can't find elsewhere (or make yourself) for a variety of prices, even as cheap as a few dollars! Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Ontario's Allan Gardens Conservatory
___________________________________________________ A woman comes home one day and says to her dead-beat husband, "Guess what? I've found a great job. A 10 a.m. start, 2 p.m. finish, no over- time, no weekends and it pays $600 a week!" "That's great," her husband says. "Yeah, I thought so, too," she agrees. "You start Monday." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Four mothers were having coffee together discussing (bragging) how important their children are. The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into room, everyone calls him 'Father'." The second catholic woman chirps, "Well, my son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace'." The third catholic woman says smugly, "Well, not to put you down, but my son is a Cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say 'Your Eminence'." The fourth woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three women give her this subtle "Well.....?" She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6'2", hard-bodied, male stripper. Whenever he walks into a room, the women say, 'Oh my God'"

Today October 21 in
1797 "Old Ironsides," the U.S. Navy frigate Constitution, was
launched in Boston's harbor. 

1805 The Battle of Trafalgar occurred off the coast of Spain. The
British defeated the French and Spanish fleet. 

1858 The Can-Can was performed for the first time in Paris. 

1879 Thomas Edison invented the electric incandescent lamp. It
would last 13 1/2 hours before it would burn out. 

1917 The first U.S. soldiers entered combat during World War I
near Nancy, France. 

1918 Margaret Owen set a typing speed record of 170 words per
minute on a manual typewriter. 

1925 The photoelectric cell was first demonstrated at the
Electric Show in New York City, NY. 

1925 The U.S. Treasury Department announced that it had fined
29,620 people for prohibition (of alcohol) violations. 

1927 In New York City, construction began on the George
Washington Bridge. 

1944 During World War II, the German city of Aachen was reduced
to rubble and captured by U.S. troops. 

1945 Women in France were allowed to vote for the first time. 

1950 Chinese forces invaded Tibet. 

1959 The Guggenheim Museum was opened to the public in New York.
The building was designed by Frank Lloyd Wright. 

1967 Thousands of demonstrators marched in Washington, DC, in
opposition to the Vietnam War. 

1983 The Pentagon reported that 2,000 Marines were headed to
Grenada to protect and evacuate Americans living there. 

1986 The U.S. ordered 55 Soviet diplomats to leave. The action
was in reaction to the Soviet Union expelling five American
diplomats. 

1991 Jesse Turner, an American hostage in Lebanon, was released
after nearly five years of being imprisoned. 

1993 The play "The Twilight of the Golds" opened. 

1994 North Korea and the U.S. signed an agreement requiring North
Korea to halt its nuclear program and agree to inspections. 

1998 Cancer specialist Dr. Jane Henney became the FDA's first
female commissioner. 

2003 The U.S. Senate voted to ban what was known as partial birth
abortions. 

2003 North Korea rejected U.S. President George W. Bush's offer
of a written pledge not to attack in exchange for the communist
nation agreeing to end its nuclear weapons program.

2018  smiled.


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When a computer slows down 




Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, October 17

By the time you read this I will have had my October shots
into my eyeballs and will be stumbling around groping walls
and of course any females within reach. 
It is surprising what one can get away with while wearing 
dark glasses at the Eye Center. 
Some even grope back!

That means I won't be sending out newsletters or 
answering mail or Skype for 3 days.

Enjoy your vacation!

home4christmas.com is for sale! 
Make an offer! $50 minimum.
You  can use it for anything you want.

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award: 

SC man shot cousin over potato chips

______________________________________________________
Today, October 17 in
1777 American troops defeated British forces in Saratoga, NY. It
was the turning point in the American Revolutionary War. 
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Two paradoxes are better than one; they may even suggest a solution. --- Edward Teller (1908 - 2003) ______________________________________________________ Masculine, Feminine... Male or Female? You might not have known this, but a lot of non- living objects are actually either male or female. Here are some examples: FREEZER BAGS They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them. PHOTOCOPIERS These are female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again. They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong buttons. TIRES Tires are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated. HOT AIR BALLOONS Also a male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under their butt. SPONGES These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water. WEB PAGES Female, because they're constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on. TRAINS Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people. HOURGLASS An hourglass is female because, over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom. HAMMERS Male, because in the last 5000 years, they've hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around. THE REMOTE CONTROL Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male, but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Little Johnny's father was a pastor in a small church. One day, his father told Little Johnny that a very important bishop was coming and that he would be staying with them. Little Johnny became very excited and asked his father if he would get to meet him. His father thought about this and decided that he would let Little Johnny bring the bishop tea in the morning and wake him up. Little Johnny agreed to do this and was very excited. His father gave him instructions: first, knock on the door of the bishops room and then say to him "It's the boy, my Lord, it's time to get up." Little Johnny was very excited and rehearsed his lines repeating them over and over. Finally the day came and Little Johnny had learned all his lines. He went to the door and knocked. He was so excited and nervous though that his lines got mixed up and the boy said, "It's the Lord, my boy, and your time is up!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Three paramedics were boasting about improvements in their respective ambulance team's response times. "Since we installed our new satellite navigation system," bragged the first one, "we cut our emergency response time by ten percent." The other paramedics nodded in approval. "Not bad," the second paramedic commented. "But by using a computer model of traffic patterns, we've cut our average ERT by 20 percent." Again, the other team members gave their congratulations, until the third paramedic said, "That's nothing! Since our ambulance driver passed the bar exam, we've cut our emergency response time in half!" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Ryan Dean Langdale, 19, Ruffin South Carolina SC man shot cousin over potato chips A South Carolina man was arrested and charged with attempted murder after shooting his cousin over a bag of salt and vinegar potato chips, according to news reports. Authorities in Colleton County took Ryan Dean Langdale, 19, into custody Wednesday after learning the details about the shooting of his 17-year-old cousin on Sept. 29, The Post and Courier reported. The shooting happened in Ruffin about 60 miles west of Charleston. Langdale first told investigators that the victim accidentally shot himself when he dropped a hunting rifle, according to the newspaper. But after undergoing surgery for the gunshot wound, the victim admitted to authorities that Langdale shot him over a bag of chips. “Do not touch my chips, or I’ll shoot you,” Langdale told his cousin, the Post reported, citing a sheriff’s incident report. Langdale then grabbed a rifle, pointed it at the victim and “the rifle went off,” the report said. Langdale was arrested and held on a $55,000 bail, according to the Post. He’s charged with attempted murder, using a firearm in a violent crime and obstructing justice, according to the newspaper. Salt and vinegar potato chips are easy to come by in Colleton County and the victim reportedly told investigators he never actually ate the chips.
From: Denise Re: Computer slowing down Dear Webby My computer slows down whenever I have 3-4 Windows open. I used to be able to have a dozen of then open without a problem. If i don't reboot it when it slows down, it stalls and hangs and I have to shut it off the hard way. I don't think it is infected, since I use Spybot and McAfee. What's the prescribed fix? Denise Dear Denise There seems to be a lot of that going around. Luckily there is an easy remedy. Get CrapCleaner from my tool box at http://webby.com/tools and run it. It is free, and it will make a huge difference. It has helped everybody to whom I recommended it. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
>Fron Eras It was a hectic day of running errands with my wife and son. As if the stress weren't enough, four-year-old Christopher insisted on asking questions about everything, told me how to drive better, and sang every song he knew. Finally, fed up with the incessant chatter, I made him an offer: "Christopher, if you'll be quiet for just a few minutes, I'll give you a quarter." It worked. But when we stopped for lunch, I unknowingly began to harp on him. "Christopher, sit up straight ... don't spill your drink ... don't talk with your mouth full." Finally he said seriously, "Dad, if you'll be quiet for just a few minutes, I'll give you a quarter."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A pious man, who had reached the age of 105, suddenly stopped going to synagogue. Alarmed by the old fellow's absence after so many years of faithful attendance, the Rabbi went to see him. He found him in excellent health, so the Rabbi asked, "How come after all these years we don't see you at services anymore?" The old man lowered his voice. "I'll tell you, Rabbi," he whispered. "When I got to be 90, I expected God to take me any day. But then I got to be 95, then 100, then 105. So, I figured that God is very busy and must've forgotten about me, and I don't want to remind Him!" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Cold Weather Bed Tip During cold weather, I put the fitted sheet on as usual then I put a blanket on and tuck it in. Another blanket goes on top of that one and then I proceed with the flat sheet and as many other blankets and quilts as we need. No need for an electric blanket! Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
The Dazzling Quilts of 19th-Century British Soldiers Are Threaded With Mystery
___________________________________________________ Little Susie came running into the house after school one day, shouting, "Daddy! Daddy! I got a 100 in school today!" "That's great, Sweetheart," said her daddy. "Come in the living room and tell me about it." "Well," began the confession, "I got 50 in spelling, 30 in math, and 20 in science." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Hailey, 4, heard a thunderstorm rumbling overhead and asked her parents and grandparents to listen to it. After the thunder stopped, Hailey told everyone to be quiet for a minute and she began to pray and asked God to stop the thunder and lightning. Immediately after she said "Amen," another clap of thunder was heard. Hailey looked up towards heaven and said, "You're not listening!"

Today October 17 in
1739 Thomas Coram was granted a Royal Charter from George II so a
"hospital for the maintenance and education of exposed and
deserted young children" in London, England. 

1777 American troops defeated British forces in Saratoga, NY. It
was the turning point in the American Revolutionary War. 

1888 The first issue of "National Geographic Magazine" was
released at newsstands. 

1931 Al Capone was convicted on income tax evasion and was
sentenced to 11 years in prison. He was released in 1939. 

1933 Dr. Albert Einstein moved to Princeton, NJ, after leaving
Germany. 

1945 Colonel Juan Peron became the dictator of Argentina after
staging a coup in Buenos Aires. 

1973 The Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries (OPEC)
began an oil-embargo against several countries including the U.S.
and Great Britain. The incident stemmed from Western support of
Israel when Egypt and Syria attacked the nation on October 6,
1973. The embargo lasted until March of 1974. 

1978 U.S. President Carter signed a bill that restored full U.S.
citizenship rights to Confederate President Jefferson Davis. 

1979 Mother Teresa of India was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. 

1987 U.S. First Lady Nancy Reagan underwent a modified radical
mastectomy at Bethesda Naval Hospital in Maryland. 

1989 An earthquake measuring 7.1 on the Richter Scale hit the San
Francisco Bay area in California. The quake caused about 67
deaths, 3,000 injuries, and damages up to $7 billion. 

1994 Israel and Jordan initialed a draft peace treaty. 

1994 The Angolan government and rebels agreed to a peace treaty
that ended their 19 years of civil war. 

1997 The remains of revolutionary Ernesto "Che" Guevara were laid
to rest in his adopted Cuba, 30 years after his execution in
Bolivia. 

2000 In New York City, Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum opened to the
public. The 42nd Street location joined Tussaud's other
exhibitions already in London, Hong Kong, Amsterdam and Las
Vegas. 

2000 Patrick Roy (Colorado Avalanche) achieved his 448th victory
as a goalie in the NHL. Roy passed Terry Sawchuck to become the
record holder for career victories. 

2001 Israel's tourism minister was killed. A radical Palestinian
faction claimed that it had carried out the assassination to
avenge the killing of its leader by Israel 2 months earlier. 

2001 Pakistan placed its armed forces on high alert because of
troop movements by India in the disputed territory of Kashmir.
India said that the movements were part of a normal troop
rotation. 

2001 Italian priest Giuseppe "Beppe" Pierantoni was kidnapped by
the terrorist group the "Pentagon." He was released on April 8,
2002. 

2003 In the U.S., the Food and Drug Administration approved a
drug, known as memantine, to help people with Alzheimer's
symptoms. 

2003 In Taipei, Taiwan, construction crews finished 1,676-foot-
tall-building called Taipei 101. The building was planned to open
for business in 2004. 

2018  smiled.


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DSL speed dropping 




Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, October 16

home4christmas.com is for sale! 
Make an offer! $50 minimum.
You  can use it for anything you want.

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Arkansas man ate meth, pot during traffic 
stop and finked on himself

______________________________________________________
Today, October 16 in
1941 The Nazis advanced to within 60 miles of Moscow. Romanians
 entered Odessa, USSR, and began exterminating 150,000 Jews. 
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Two paradoxes are better than one; they may even suggest a solution. --- Edward Teller (1908 - 2003) ______________________________________________________ Keli: Anni, what exactly is an "oxymoron"? Anni: It's a phrase made up of contradictory terms, like "deafening silence". Keli: Oh, I get it. Like "Mr. Perfect"! ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ When I went to get my driver's license renewed, our local motor-vehicle bureau was packed. The line inched along for almost an hour until the man ahead of me finally got his license. He inspected his photo for a moment and commented to the clerk, "I was standing in line so long, I ended up looking pretty grouchy in this picture." The clerk looked at his picture closely. "It's okay," he reassured the man, "That's how you're going to look when the cops pull you over anyway." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Wife: "Doctor My husband thinks he's a satellite dish." Doctor: "Don't worry I can cure him." Wife: "I don't want him cured I want you to adjust him to get the movie channel." ______________________________________________________ The Stump, in the Tetons _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Brian Lee Chadwell, 38, Bella Vista, Arkansas Arkansas Man Ate Meth, Pot During Traffic Stop and finked on himself A Pea Ridge man accused of beating his step-daughter with a spatula was arrested Monday (Oct. 8) after reportedly eating marijuana and methamphetamine during a traffic stop. Brian Lee Chadwell, 38, faces felony charges of two counts of possession of drug paraphernalia and tampering with physical evidence. Bella Vista police stopped Chadwell about 9 p.m. near Tanyard Creek for a broken brake light, according to a probable cause affidavit. Chadwell asked the officers for legal advice regarding a no contact order he’d received for allegedly hitting the girl, then said he’d eaten a small bag of marijuana and meth in order to destroy it, according to the affidavit. Chadwell added that he eats meth to get high, but doesn’t smoke or inject it. Chadwell asked officers to shoot him during processing, saying he was upset with himself. He said officers could say he tried to attack him, according to the affidavit. Chadwell was being held Thursday (Oct. 11) at the Benton County Jail on a $10,000 bond. He has a hearing set for Nov. 19 in Benton County Circuit Court. Chadwell is accused of beating his step-daughter with a spatula, a wooden spoon, and a stick covered in thorns, along with forcing her to sleep on the kitchen floor as punishment. He’s due Nov. 13 in Pea Ridge District Court on a misdemeanor charge of third-degree domestic battery. The girl’s mother, Jennifer Chadwell, was arrested in connection with permitting the abuse of a minor, a Class D felony. The report did not say what the teen required frequent punishment for, bhut she will be the responsibility of Child Services for the foreseeable future.
From: Barb Re: DSL speed dropping Dear Webby At home my connection speed keeps dropping to the point where I actually lose the connection. We use the same DSL provider as I have at work, but there the connection never drops. At home, it's OK when I am browsing, but if I am answering mail, especially if I get interrupted, it falls off. Is there a setting I should check and change? Thanks Barb Dear Barb Big Brother, the ISP, watches your activity, and if you are not really using your connection while you leisurely compose a lengthy email, they reduce your pipe and eventually cut it. They will gradually, and grudgingly, give it back to you when you are ready to send that email. You can use an FTP program that has a "Keep-Alive" feature to keep the connection open, and download three different pieces of music simultaneously when you need the connection again. You can watch how the 14 KB Keep-Alive speed cranks up to over 30 Mbps within a few seconds. You will then be able to use high speed until Big Brother detects that you have abandoned your computer and snuck off to the kitchen. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? Childrens' Views No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it always before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with. HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED? You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON? Both don't want any more kids. WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE? Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE? When they're rich. IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED? It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED? There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK? Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a dumpster.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A football coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said, "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there. So what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play." The player agreed, and the coach looked into his eyes intently and asks, "Okay, now concentrate... what is two plus two?" The player thought for a moment and then he answered, "4?" "Did you say 4?!?" the coach exclaimed, excited that he got it right. At that, all the other players on the team began screaming, "Come on coach, give him another chance!" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Treat Credit Like Cash Make a commitment to pay as you go with credit cards this year. Don't wait until the last minute to buy gifts and plan your holiday budget carefully. You will feel much better during the holiday season if you aren't accumulating debt. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
What an amazing artist to see the animal spirit in stone and bring it out for the public!
___________________________________________________ I couldn't help overhearing a man at a nearby pay phone. "I know it's something you want," he said earnestly, "but I don't think tattoos are a good idea. And the same goes for body piercing. As long as you're living in my house, I think you should respect my wishes." I was secretly cheering him on for his fatherly firmness. Then came the 'coup de grace': "Besides, Mom, you're 75 years old! You don't NEED a tattoo!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A young minister sitting down to dinner was about to say Grace when he opened the casserole dish that his thrifty bride had prepared from all of the refrigerator leftovers. "I don't know," he said dubiously, "but it seems to me that I've blessed all this stuff before."

Today October 16 in
1701 The Collegiate School was founded in Killingworth, CT. The
school moved to New Haven in 1745 and changed its name to Yale
College. 

1793 During the French Revolution, Queen Marie Antoinette was
beheaded after being convicted of treason. 

1829 In Boston, MA, the first modern hotel in America opened. The
Tremont Hotel had 170 rooms that rented for $2 a day and included
four meals. 

1859 Abolitionist John Brown led a raid on Harper's Ferry, VA
(now located in West Virginia). 

1869 A hotel in Boston became the first in the U.S. to install
indoor plumbing. 

1916 Margaret Sanger opened the first birth control clinic in New
York City, NY. 

1923 Walt Disney contracted with M.J. Winkler to distribute the
Alice Comedies. This event is recognized as the start of the
Disney Company. 

1928 Marvin Pipkin received a patent for the frosted electric
light bulb. 

1941 The Nazis advanced to within 60 miles of Moscow. Romanians
entered Odessa, USSR, and began exterminating 150,000 Jews. 

1942 The ballet "Rodeo" premiered in New York City. 

1943 Chicago's new subway system was officially opened with a
ribbon cutting ceremony. 

1955 Mrs. Jules Lederer replaced Ruth Crowley in newspapers using
the name Ann Landers. 

1962 U.S. President Kennedy was informed that there were missile
bases in Cuba, beginning the Cuban missile crisis. 

1964 China detonated its first atomic bomb becoming the world's
fifth nuclear power. 

1967 NATO headquarters opened in Brussels. 

1970 Anwar Sadat was elected president of Egypt to succeed Gamal
Abdel Nassar. 

1973 Henry Kissinger and Le Duc Tho were named winners of the
Nobel Peace Prize. The Vietnamese official declined the award. 

1978 Poland's Karol Josef Wojtyla was elected Pope John Paul II. 

1982 China announced that it had successfully fired a ballistic
missile from a submarine. 

1987 Rescuers freed Jessica McClure from the abandoned well that
she had fallen into in Midland, TX. She was trapped for 58 hours.


1989 U.S. President George H.W. Bush signed the Gramm-Rudman
budget reduction law that ordered federal programs be cut by
$16.1 billion. 

1993 The U.N. Security Council approved the deployment of U.S.
warships to enforce a blockade on Haiti to increase pressure on
the controlling military leaders. 

1994 German Chancellor Helmut Kohl was re-elected to a fourth
term. 

1997 Charles M. Schulz and his wife Jeannie announced that they
would give $1 million toward the construction of a D-Day memorial
to be placed in Virginia. 

2000 It was announced that Chevron Corp. would be buying Texaco
Inc. for $35 billion. The combined company was called Chevron
Texaco Corp. and became the 4th largest oil company in the world.


2002 It was reported that North Korea had told the U.S. that it
had a secret nuclear weapons program in violation of an 1994
agreement with the U.S. 

2002 The Arthur Andersen accounting firm was sentenced to five
years probation and fined $500,000 for obstructing a federeal
investigation of the energy company Enron. 

2008 The iTunes Music Store reached 200 billion television
episodes sold.

2018  smiled.


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Using a phone as a scanner 




Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, October 15

home4christmas.com is for sale! 
Make an offer! $50 minimum.
You  can use it for anything you want.

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Husband divorces wife after spotting her 
with another man on Google Maps

______________________________________________________
Today, October 15 in
1860 Grace Bedell, 11 years old, wrote a letter to presidential
candidate Abraham Lincoln. The letter stated that Lincoln would
look better if he would grow a beard. 
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
My fellow Americans, I am pleased to tell you I just signed legislation which outlaws Russia forever. The bombing begins in five minutes. --- Ronald Reagan (1911 - 2004) If you believe everything you read, better not read. --- Japanese Proverb ______________________________________________________ A church was preparing for Christmas services. The pastor decided he wanted a banner made for the entryway and had a parishioner call the sign company. The parishioner told the man on the phone the message he wanted and the dimensions needed for the entryway. The sign came back a few days later... "Unto Mary Jesus was born, six feet long and two feet wide." ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ After my fifth-graders studied the history of the Alamo, I gave them a test with this bonus question: "What was the famous battle cry that later helped spur on independence for Texans?" One student's response: "Remember the alimony!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ The family had spent the day moving from their farmhouse into a new apartment house in town. Very early the next morning, the 5 1/2 -year-old ran into their bedroom to wake them up. Mom dressed him and told him to play and let them rest for a while longer. About 20 minutes later, he came running back."Mommy, Mommy," he exclaimed, "Everybody has doorbells.... and they all work!" ______________________________________________________ Gullible Warming broke! _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Divorcee Lima Peru Husband divorces wife after spotting her with another man on Google Maps The man was checking the best way to get to a bridge in the Peruvian capital city of Lima when he spotted a familiar figure, a news agency claims. He saw a woman sitting on a bench stroking the hair of a man who was lying with his head in her lap. He first recognised that the woman’s clothes were identical to those of his wife and then looked closer and realised it was her, according to local media. The photo, taken by a Google camera car, dated back to 2013 but the man confronted his wife with the Google Street View picture as evidence of her infidelity. And the couple, whose names have not been revealed, later divorced after the woman admitted to having had an affair. She was photographed with her lover on a bench by the city’s Puente de los Suspiros de Barranco – Bridge of Sighs of the Ravine. The man recently shared the photographs on Facebook where they made a big impression on users. San Pateste said: ‘What a small world it is… It would have been enough if she said to her husband that she did not love him any more.’ The photograph is one of a long line of bizarre images taken for the Google Maps and Google Street View online resources. They include people dressed as pigeons, an escaped convict, a couple having sex by their car, street robberies, and a woman giving birth.
From: Neil Re: Phone Scanner Dear Webby If Eva has a smart phone she can get a free scanner app from both google play store or a similar one for an I Phone. It will convert the picture to a pdf file suitable for email at no cost. I do this all the time. My scanner sits in the corner collecting dust. Neil Dear Neil Thanks for that info! Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up. "Oh, we'll never need that. My husband and I have a great relationship," the wife explained. "He was a communications major in college and I majored in theater arts. He communicates really well and I just act like I'm listening!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
We have a new kid in the office named Brian. Nice guy. Fresh out of college. So I was asking him about school the other day and he told me he belonged to a fraternity called Delta Upsilon. "Did you pledge in college?" he asked. I said, "Yeah, I belonged to 'I Tappa Kegga.'" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Organizing Email I treat email just like paper and don't let email pile up in my in box. I make sure I file all email into one of the folders I have created. I also create filters that automatically files email from certain people in the appropriate folder. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Photos of dogs enjoying Autumn.
___________________________________________________ A grandmother overheard her 5-year-old granddaughter playing "wedding." The wedding vows went like this: "You have the right to remain silent, anything you say will be held against you, you don't have the right to have an attorney present. You may kiss gramma." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
After a long day of listening to a Texan brag, a New Yorker decided to show the Texan the Empire State Building. When the Texan put down New York's well-known landmark by saying "Heck, that's nothing. In Texas, we have outhouses bigger than that!" The New Yorker responded, "You need them!"

Today October 15 in
1815 Napoleon Bonaparte began his exile on the remote island of
St. Helena in the Atlantic Ocean. 

1860 Grace Bedell, 11 years old, wrote a letter to presidential
candidate Abraham Lincoln. The letter stated that Lincoln would
look better if he would grow a beard. 

1883 The U.S. Supreme Court struck down part of the Civil Rights
Act of 1875. It allowed for individuals and corporations to
discriminate based on race. 

1892 The U.S. government announced that the land in the western
Montana was open to settlers. The 1.8 million acres were bought
from the Crow Indians for 50 cents per acre. 

1945 Pierre Laval, the former premier of Vichy France, was
executed for treason. 

1946 Hermann Goering, a Nazi war criminal and founder of the
Gestapo, poisoned himself just hours before his scheduled
execution. 

1953 "Teahouse of the August Moon" opened on Broadway. It ran for
1,027 performances. 

1964 It was announced that Soviet leader Nikita Khrushchev had
been removed from power. He was replaced with Alexei N. Kosygin. 

1983 U.S. Marines killed five snipers who had pinned them down in
Beirut International Airport. 

1984 The Freedom of Information Act was passed. 

1989 South African officials released eight prominent political
prisoners. 

1989 Wayne Gretzky, while playing for the Los Angeles Kings,
surpassed Gordie Howe's NHL scoring record of 1,850 career
points. 

1993 U.S. President Clinton sent warships to enforce trade
sanctions that had been imposed on Haitian military rulers. 

1993 South Africa's President F.W. de Klerk and African National
Congress President Nelson Mandela were named winners of the Nobel
Peace Prize for their efforts to end the apartheid system in
South Africa. 

1997 British Royal Air Force pilot Andy Green broke the land-
speed record by driving a jet-powered car faster than the speed
of sound. 

1997 The Cassini-Huygens mission was launched from Cape
Canaveral, FL. On January 14, 2005, a probe sent back pictures of
Saturn's moon Titan during and after landing. 

1998 The U.N. condemned the U.S. economic embargo on Cuba for the
seventh year in a row. 

2001 NASA's Galileo spacecraft passed within 112 miles of
Jupiter's moon Io. 

2011 Legoland Florida opened in Winter Haven, Florida. 

2018  smiled.


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Cheap scanner 




Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, October 14

home4christmas.com is for sale! 
Make an offer! $50 minimum.
You  can use it for anything you want.

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Ontario school teacher charged with 
sexually assaulting 10-year-old boy

______________________________________________________
Today, October 14 in
1066 The Battle of Hastings occurred in England. The Norman
forces of William the Conqueror defeated King Harold II of
England. 
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I'm an idealist. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way. --- Carl Sandburg (1878 - 1967) ______________________________________________________ Every revolutionary idea - in science, politics, art, or whatever - evokes three stages of reaction in a hearer: 1. It is completely impossible - don't waste my time. 2. It is possible, but it is not worth doing. 3. I said it was a good idea all along ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A couple of hours into a visit with my mother, she noticed I hadn't once lit up a cigarette. "Are you trying to kick the habit?" she asked. "No," I replied. "I have a cold, and I don't smoke when I'm not feeling well." "You know," she observed, "you'd probably live longer if you were sick more often." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ From ghoulies and ghosties and long leggety beasties and things that go bump in the night, Good Lord, deliver them to us! ______________________________________________________ Fetch! _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Krystal Wilson, 31 Ajax, Ontario Canadian school teacher charged with sexually assaulting 10-year-old boy Krystal Wilson, 31, was arrested by Canadian police after they investigated allegations made in relation to her job at Da Vinci Public School in Ajax, Ontario. The married teacher is accused of having an inappropriate relationship with a boy while she was teaching there from 2017 – 18, CTV reported. Wilson, who currently works at Roland Michener Public School, in Ajax, faces two counts of sexual assault and two counts of sexual interference. Durham District School Board confirmed a teacher had been put on leave. It said in a statement: ‘The DDSB is cooperating with the Durham Children’s Aid Society and the Durham Regional Police Service during their respective investigations. ‘We will continue to work with our community partners until this investigation is concluded.’ Wilson has worked as a model and singer in the past and has been featured in a promo for a radio station. She previously spoke about her love of teaching and music with website Smart Is So Sexy. Wilson said: ‘I am blessed to be an elementary school teacher. ‘Which allows me to not only impact our youth but share with them my passion for the arts.’ CTV added the teacher may also be known to students as Krystal Clunis and there were reports her singing name was Krystal Voice. Constable George Tudos urged anyone who had information to contact their regional police sexual assault unit. Wilson has been released on bail but as a condition she is not allowed to be in the presence of someone under 14 unless there is an adult aged at least 21 with them.
From: Eva Re: Scanner Dear Webby I need a new scanner. My old one left with my ex. I don't need to scan very often, maybe once every second or third month, just my prescription before faxing it to Costco. I never have to scan color or high res. I do have a Dell color laser printer. What do you recommend, that is just barely good enough but cheap? Eva Dear Eva I would recommend a Canon Pixma MG 3000 series. It is actually a printer combo, but because of their ridiculous ink cost, you would not want to use it for printing after the initial set-up. Because of the ink racket, they almost pay you to take the printer. With some looking around you can find them for under $30. I got one about 6 months ago for under $30 from NewEgg. Shipping included. I printed 2 pages during the setup, and none since. It theoretically communicates with the computer wia WiFi, but in my case it wouldn't do that without a lot of farting around. So I just used a USB cable and connected it to a machine, that had a free USB port. That worked instantly. My ancient 90's PSP communicates with it and scanning anything is easy. It has a scan utility included, but I have not needed it. In PSP I hit ALT Fitq the scan preview pops up, I shorten or adjust the size, and hit the scan button. That is all there is to it. The scan picture then pops up and I can annotate it and fax it. I really doubt that there is a cheaper and easier solution available. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Mother had decided to trim her household budget wherever possible, so instead of having a dress dry-cleaned she washed it by hand. Proud of her savings, she boasted to my father, "Just think, Fred, we are ten dollars richer because I washed this dress by hand." "Good," my dad quickly replied. "Wash it again!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The old town blacksmith realised he couldn't work so hard anymore. He picked out strong young Bill Deville to become his apprentice. The old fellow was impatient and exacting. "Don't ask me a lot of questions," he told Bill, "Just do whatever I tell you to do." One day the old blacksmith took an iron out of the forge and laid it on the anvil. "Get the hammer over there," he said. "When I nod my head, hit it real good and hard." Bill is looking for a new apprenticeship. ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Gas Tip: Change Your Commuting Habits If at all possible, change your work start time to avoid gridlock. Stop and go traffic hurts your gas mileage. Try to arrange car pools with co-workers to share the cost of commuting to work. Walk, bike or use public transportation to your intended location whenever possible. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Tribes react to Polar Bear clip from BBC's Planet Earth.
___________________________________________________ The Polish were upset because of their bad reputation. A group of them got together and approached a conference of Americans, Germans, and Japanese and asked for help on this matter. An American replied, "You must do something so the world will respect you. The Japanese are known for their technology and the Germans are known for their resourcefulness. We Americans have had respect since we helped win the World War against the other two. See, you need to do something world-famous." A German added, "Yes, he's right. Why don't you find a place in this world in need of a bridge that no one has dared build, build it, come back to us, and we will help publicize it." With that, the Polish set off to build their bridge. They designed it and worked six months and finally completed it. They then went back to report it to the group. The bridge was a beautiful bridge but it had one flaw: it was erected in the middle of the Sahara Desert. An American said, "No, no. See, that is why you have your reputation. There is no need for a bridge in the middle of the desert. Now go and dismantle it, and find a more strategic spot to erect it." The Polish returned to the conference in two weeks. One of the Japanese said, "Two weeks! It only took you two weeks to dismantle that bridge and build a new one??? That is amazing!!" To which a Polish man replied, "Well, not exactly. When we returned to the bridge we couldn't dismantle it because there were all these Italians fishing off it." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
So this guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender "Give me two single whiskies" "Sure" the bartender replies, "do you want them both now or one at a time?" "Oh, both now" replies the guy, "one's for me and one's for my little friend here" and with that the guy pulls a three inch tall man out of his shirt pocket. The Bartender looked at the little man in amazement and asked, "Can he drink?" "Sure" replied the guy and with that the three inch tall man supped back his whiskey. "That's amazing" replied the bartender, "what else can he do? Can he walk?" With that the guy flips a quarter down to the other end of the bar and asks the little fella to get it. Sure enough, he runs down the bar and retrieves the coin, picks it up and jogs back to the guy. "That really is amazing" replied the bartender, "Can he talk?" "Of course" says the guy, "Hey Jim, tell him about that time we were in Africa and you called that witch-doctor a Dumbocrat Wanker."

Today October 14 in
1066 The Battle of Hastings occurred in England. The Norman
forces of William the Conqueror defeated King Harold II of
England. 

1879 Thomas Edison signed an agreement with Jose D. Husbands for
the sale of Edison telephones in Chile. 

1887 Thomas Edison and George E. Gouraud reached an agreement for
the international marketing rights for the phonograph. 

1888 In England, Louis Le Prince filmed the experimental film
"Roundhay Garden Scene." It is the oldest surviving motion
picture. 

1912 Theodore Roosevelt was shot while campaigning in Milwaukee,
WI. Roosevelt's wound in the chest was not serious and he
continued with his planned speech. William Schrenk was captured
at the scene of the shooting. 

1922 Lieutenant Lester James Maitland set a new airplane speed
record when he reached a speed of 216.1 miles-per-hour. 

1926 The book "Winnie-the-Pooh," by A.A. Milne, made its debut. 

1928 The first televised wedding took place in Des Plains, IL.
James Fowlkes and Cora Dennison were married in a radio studio. 

1930 Ethel Merman debuted on Broadway in "Girl Crazy." 

1933 Nazi Germany announced that it was withdrawing from the
League of Nations. 

1936 The first SSB (Social Security Board) office opened in
Austin, TX. From this point, the Board's local office took over
the assigning of Social Security Numbers. 

1943 The Radio Corporation of America finalized the sale of the
NBC Blue radio network. Edward J. Noble paid $8 million for the
network that was renamed American Broadcasting Company. 

1944 German Field Marshal Erwin Rommel committed suicide rather
than face execution after being accused of conspiring against
Adolf Hitler and the execution that would follow. 

1944 During World War II, the Second British Parachute Brigade
liberated the city of Athens. 

1947 Over Rogers Dry Lake in Southern California, pilot Chuck
Yeager flew the Bell X-1 rocket plane and became the first
American to break the sound barrier. 

1954 C.B. DeMille's "The Ten Commandments", starring Charlton
Heston, began filming in Egypt. The epic had a cast of 25,000
people. 

1960 U.S. presidential candidate John F. Kennedy first suggested
the idea of a Peace Corps. 

1961 "How to Succeed in Business without Really Trying" opened on
Broadway. 

1962 The Cuban Missile Crisis began. It was on this day that U.S.
intelligence personnel analyzing data discovered Soviet medium-
range missile sites in Cuba. On October 22 U.S. President John F.
Kennedy announced that he had ordered the naval "quarantine" of
Cuba. 

1964 Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. was awarded the Nobel Peace
Prize for his non-violent resistance to racial prejudice in
America. He was the youngest person to receive the award. 

1968 The first live telecast to come from a manned U.S.
spacecraft was transmitted from Apollo 7. 

1970 Anwar el-Sadat became president of Egypt following the death
of President Nasser. 

1972 In Iraq, oil was struck for the first time just north of
Kirkuk. 

1986 Soviet leader Mikhail S. Gorbachev charged that the U.S.
wanted to "bleed the Soviet Union economically" with the arms
race in space. 

1987 Jessica McClure, 18 months old, fell down an abandoned well
in Midland, TX. The rescue took 58 hours. 

2002 Britain stripped power from the Catholic and Protestant
politicians of Northern Ireland. Britain resumed sole
responsibility for running Northern Ireland. 

2018  smiled.


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Why are Thumbnails alone a bad idea? 




Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, October 13

home4christmas.com is for sale! 
Make an offer! $50 minimum.
You  can use it for anything you want.

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Naked Tweaker Desecrated A Baptismal Font

______________________________________________________
Today, October 13 in
1943 During World War II, Italy switched sides, signed an
armistice with the Allies and declared war on Germany. 
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of giants. --- Isaac Newton (1642 - 1727) A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. --- Ogden Nash (1902 - 1971) ______________________________________________________ There was once a great actor who could no longer remember his lines. After many years he finds a theatre where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again. The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You walk on to the stage at the opening carrying a rose. You hold the rose to your nose with just one finger and thumb, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line 'Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.'" The actor is thrilled. All day long before the play, he's practicing his line over and over again. Finally, the time comes. The curtain goes up, the actor walks onto the stage, and with great passion delivers the line, "Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress." The theatre erupts. The audience is screaming with laughter, but the director is steaming! "You bloody fool!" he cries. "You have ruined me!" The actor is bewildered, "What happened, did I forget my line?" "No!" screams the director. "You forgot the rose!" ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A Rabbi, a Monk, and a lawyer are riding down the road when their car breaks down in the middle of nowhere. Spotting a farmhouse they walk over and tell the farmer they need a place to stay the night while they wait for a tow. "I've got room in the house for two of you but someones gonna have to sleep in the barn." says the farmer. The Rabbi say's, "I've no problem with that, I'll go." He leaves. Five minutes later theres a knock on the door. The farmer opens the door and the Rabbi is there. He says, "Sir there is a pig in that barn; in my religion pigs are unclean, I cannot sleep under the same roof with a pig." The Monk speaks up and says, "I have no problem with pigs I'll go sleep in the barn." He leaves. Five minutes later theres a knock on the door. The farmer opens the door and the Monk is there. "Sir there is a cow in that barn; in my religion cows are sacred, I cannot sleep under the same roof with a cow. The lawyer responds, "I'll go sleep in the barn, I've got no religion." He leaves. Five minutes later theres a knock on the door. The farmer opens the door and the pig and the cow are standing there. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ 1. There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity. 2. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 A.M. It could be a right number. 3. Think about this: No one ever says, "It's only a game," when his team is winning. 4. I've reached the age where the happy hour is a Nap. 5. Be careful reading the fine print. There's no way you're going to like it. 6. The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket. 7. Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of OLD LADIES running around with tattoos? (And RAP music will be the Golden Oldies!) 8. Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than in a Yugo. 9. After a certain age, if you don't wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead. 10. No one ever ruined their eyes from looking at the bright side of things. ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Isiah Hayes, 19, Daireus Ice, 22, Memphis, Tennessee Men indicted after mom finds video of 9-month-old being raped Two Tennessee men accused of raping a 9-month-old child and recording it has been indicted by a grand jury, according to WREG. The child’s mother reported the incident to police after she found videos of the crime on a cell phone, according to the Shelby County District Attorney’s Office. The suspects were later identified by police as Isiah Hayes, 19, and Daireus Ice, 22. In one of those videos, authorities say, one of the suspects was nude from the waist down and was touching himself while standing near the little girl. In another, the man was seen performing sex acts on the child, police said. The DA’s office told WHBQ that Ice was the one filming while Hayes allegedly assaulted the child. The child’s mother found the videos Oct. 14, 2016. A WREG article from February 2018 stated the mother was able to identify one of the suspects using social media. She then took all the information she had gathered to the police. Hayes was indicted on the aggravated rape of a child and especially aggravated sexual exploitation of a minor. Ice was indicted on the aggravated rape of a child/ criminal responsibility for the conduct of another and especially aggravated sexual exploitation of a minor.
From: Carolyn Re: Why are thumbnails so bad? Dear Webby If Thumbnails are so bad, why do the paint programs lety you make them? Carolyn Dear Carolyn Unless you use weird formats, that don't work on the net, like .PDP or .PSD, you can not restore a picture to the original size. Thumbnails ARE valuable, the same way as icons are. You use them to link to the full size picture, but you can not restore the original picture from an icon. That reminds me of this story: There was a noisy and demanding family reunion going on in a restaurant. They kept demanding all kinds of extras and were a royal pain in the nuisance for the waiter. He kept his composure, thinking he woud get a decent tip. They gave him a one dollar tip. After that they asked him to take a picture of them and take special care because some were close to dying and would not be alive at the next reunion. He fussed around and make them stand at attention for five minutes, and moved some of them around for a better composition. Then he took 3 pictures, carefully cutting their heads off. Thumbnails are the same thing. You better save the original under one name and the thumbnail under a different name. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
An insurance salesman was getting nowhere in his efforts to sell a policy to a farmer. "Look at it this way." he said finally. "How would your wife carry on if you should die?" "Well..." drawled the weather-beaten man, "I don't reckon that'd be any concern of mine -- as long as she pretends to behave herself while I'm alive."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A real smooth talker who prided himself on being the ladies man finally met his match one night. The man had just learned that his father only had days to live and that he would inherit over ten million dollars. Overjoyed at the promised wealth, he celebrated at the local bar, where he just happened to see a drop dead gorgeous long legged woman. Of course, he couldn't wait to work his charms on her and indeed she was so interested in him, they went back to his house together. The next day she became his soon-to-be rich stepmother. ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Frugal Toys - Deck of Cards Kids can play Go Fish, War, Old Maid, Crazy Eights, Solitaire, and other simple games. Cards can also be used to build card houses or to do magic tricks. Check out a book of card games at the library and kids can entertain themselves for hours. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
How to exterminate rats on an Island.
___________________________________________________ Sherry the secretary walked into her boss's office and said, "I'm afraid I've got some bad news for you" "Sherry honey, why do you always have to give me bad news?" he complained. "Tell me some good news for once." "Alright, here's some good news," said the secretary. "You're not sterile." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
There are three religious truths: 1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah. 2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith. 3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters

Today October 13 in
1775 The U.S. Continental Congress ordered the construction of a
naval fleet. 

1792 The cornerstone of the Executive Mansion was laid in
Washington, DC. The building became known as the White House in
after it was renovated and whitewashed after the Canucks set it
on fire in the war of 1812. Hence the name WHITE house,

1812 American forces were defeated at the Battle of Queenstown
Heights. The British victory effectively ended a further U.S.
invasion of Canada. 

1843 B'nai B'rith, the Jewish organization, was founded by Henry
Jones and eleven others in New York City, NY. 

1854 The state of Texas ratified a state constitution. 

1943 During World War II, Italy switched sides, signed an
armistice with the Allies and declared war on Germany. 

1944 American troops entered Aachen, Germany, during World War
II. 

1944 During World War II, British and Greek advance units landed
at Piraeus. 

1951 In Atlanta, GA, a football with a rubber covering was used
for the first time. Georgia Tech beat Louisiana State 25-7. 

1953 An ultrasonic burglar alarm was patented by Samuel Bagno. 

1981 Egyptian voters elected Vice President Hosni Mubarak as the
new president one week after Anwar Sadat was assassinated. 

1989 U.S. President George H.W. Bush called for an overthrow of
the Panamanian ruler Manuel Antonio Noriega. The US kidnapped him
and brought him to the US for trial.

1992 A commercial flight record was set by an Air France
supersonic jetliner for circling the Earth in 33 hours and one
minute. 

1995 Walt Disney World Resort admitted its 500-millionth guest. 

1999 The U.S. Senate rejected the ratification of the
Comprehensive Test Ban Treaty (CTBT). 

2010 Near Copiapó, Chile, 33 miners were trapped underground in
San José Mine. The miners were rescued after 69 days underground.


2018  smiled.


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Thumbnails instead of originals: Bad idea 




Good Morning, !

Today is Friday, October 12
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Thank you Norm!
I really appreciate your help!


home4christmas.com is for sale! 
Make an offer! $50 minimum.
You  can use it for anything you want.

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Naked Tweaker Desecrated A Baptismal Font

______________________________________________________
Today, October 12 in
1492 Christopher Columbus, an Italian explorer, sighted Watling
Island in the Bahamas. He believed that he had found Asia while
attempting to find a Western ocean route to India. The same day
he claimed the land for Isabella and Ferdinand of Spain. 
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I've wrestled with reality for 35 years, Doctor, and I'm happy to state I finally won out over it. --- Mary Chase (1887 - 1973), Dream as if you'll live forever; Live as if you'll die today. --- James Dean ______________________________________________________ Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married. One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom. The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely. After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom, "I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!" "IMPOSSIBLE !" said the groom broom. WE HAVEN'T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER!!! ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Vickey for this story: This cowboy was out looking for a job one day. He stopped at a ranchers house to ask the rancher for a job. This rancher looks over the cowboy and thinks to himself, "Waal, he looks ok, 10 gallon hat, denim shirt, denim pants but he's wearing tennis shoes. Guess I'll see what he can do." So the rancher tells the cowboy. "OK, let's see what you can do. Go rope that calf over there and brand it." The cowboy has the calf branded before the little doggie knows what hit him. Well, the rancher is a bit impressed but still not too sure so he gives him another test. "Now break that there bronc", he points to a wild looking stallion in a corral. This cowboy saddles, and rides the bronc, wildest ride you've ever seen. After 5 minutes the bronc is so tired he settles down and the cowboy hand the rancher a tame horse. This rancher is IMPRESSED now. "OK, son you got the job. There's just one question I gotta ask you. You rope and ride real well and you look mostly like a cowboy except for them tennis shoes. Why don't you wear cowboy boots instead of tennis shoes?" The cowboy looks the rancher in the eye and says, "I would wear cowboy boots, but then people would think I was a gay trucker!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Boudreaux and Rodrigue are out in one of Louisiana's Cajun country swamps when Rodrigue falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, and his eyes are rolled back in his head. Boudreaux takes out his cell phone and calls 911 for help. "My friend is dead. He jus' pass out. What can I do?" The operator says in a calm soothing voice, "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a long silence, then the operator hears a shot. Boudreaux's voice comes back on the line. "Otay," he says. "Now what?" ______________________________________________________ Appalachian Mountains, NC _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Zachary Burdick, 21, Mandan, North Dakota Naked Tweaker Desecrated A Baptismal Font A North Dakota man tweaking on meth yesterday stripped off his clothes and went into a church’s baptismal font before emerging to walk toward the altar while masturbating, an affront witnessed by 75 individuals attending mass, according to a probable cause affidavit. The 9 AM mass Tuesday at Spirit of Life Church was interrupted when Zachary Burdick, 21, appeared in the entryway of the Roman Catholic church in Mandan, a city about five miles from Bismarck. A female church employee called police after Burdick disrobed and entered the font, where he was “masturbating facing the altar.” Burdick, she added, then “began walking down the aisle toward the altar while still masturbating.” Witness Darrell Kilzer, 68, told police that Burdick began to “splash around” in the “Holy Water fountain.” Kilzer added that Burdick later “entered the sanctuary with his ‘machinery’ hanging out and was ‘pumping’ himself.” Father Todd Kreitinger, who was conducting mass when Burdick arrived, said that the intruder “dipped his rear-end into the Holy Water fountain and splashed around a bit before entering the sanctuary while masturbating.” The priest added that the font would have to be cleaned and sanitized, a process that would cost the church about $500. When confronted by police, Burdick reportedly said that he was “tweaking” on meth and admitted to using hashish oil. Burdick, Officer Nicholas Pynnonen reported, “appeared to be under drug influence.” When the patrolman noted that he could not masturbate in public, Burdick replied, “Especially in church.” Burdick then reportedly declared that he was “trying to bust a nut” inside the church. Burdick was charged with felony indecent exposure and disorderly conduct, a misdemeanor. He made his initial appearance this afternoon in Morton County District Court. While often a misdemeanor, Burdick’s alleged indecent exposure was charged as a felony because it occurred within 50 feet of “where private religious instruction is given to children aged 3- 9.” No children attending the church’s educational program saw Burdick’s antics, however.
From: Carolyn Re: Thumbnails to save disk space Dear Webby I have heard that it takes a lot of space on my computer to have pictures of family and friends in folders and that I should make thumbnails instead. Is this true? Thanks. I enjoy your Humor Letter very much. Carolyn Dear Carolyn Whoever told you that nonsense, should be put on a strict diet of Smarties, and should not allowed out of the funny farm without competent supervision. There is probably a lot of useless stuff on your computer, that can be dumped, and replaced if needed. However, pictures of your friends and family can not be replaced. They have more rights to be on your computer and on your back-up than ANY of the replaceable crap. Especially silly games that can be downloaded again. You can always get a second hard drive cheap. But pictures of friends and relatives are not replaceable. I make thumbnails IN ADDITION to the regular size pictures, to make menuing and sorting easier, but I never reduce good pictures to thumbnail size without also keeping them in original or at least regular size. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven ... don't step on the ducks. When you step on a duck, they all start quacking and make one hell of a racket." So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!" The next day, the second woman accidentally steps on a duck, and along come St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing, and with him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same punishment as the first woman. The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... very tall, tan, muscular, and with good hair. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word. The woman remarks, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?" And the guy says, "Well, I don't know what you did, but I stepped on a duck."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesman goes to the first house in his new territory. He knocks, a real mean and tough looking lady opens the door, and before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps cow patties all over the carpet. He says, "Lady, if this vacuum cleaner don't do wonders cleaning up that horse manure, I'll eat every chunk of it." She turns to him with a smirk and says, "You want ketchup on that?" The Salesman says, "why do you ask?" She says, "They have the electricity turned off, because I have not paid for three months and called them a bunch of @#$%^&*." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Store Extra Measuring Cups with Ingredients I have extra measuring cups and spoons and I put the appropriate measure into the container for items like flours, sugars, oatmeal, etc., and leave them there. Saves time and washing, and extra mess because I can keep the bowls over the container while measuring. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
The Shirk Report for Friday
___________________________________________________ A woman walks into a shop that sells expensive Persian rugs. She looks around and spots the perfect rug and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the texture of the rug she accidentally breaks wind. Very embarrassed she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident. She turns and sees that standing next to her is a salesman. "Good day Ma'am. How may I help you today?" Very uncomfortable she asks, "Sir how much does this rug cost?" He answers, "Lady, you farted just touching it. You're gonna really mess your drawers when you hear the price." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Sammy, a little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," Sammy responded immediately. His cousin was amazed that he knew the answer so quickly. "How do you know that?" "Easy," Sammy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the preacher said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."

Today October 12 in
1492 Christopher Columbus, an Italian explorer, sighted Watling
Island in the Bahamas. He believed that he had found Asia while
attempting to find a Western ocean route to India. The same day
he claimed the land for Isabella and Ferdinand of Spain. 

1792 The first monument honoring Christopher Columbus was
dedicated in Baltimore, MD. 

1810 Bavarian Crown Prince Ludwig married Princess Therese of
Saxony-Hildburghausen. The royalty invited the public to attend
the event which became an annual celebration that later became
known as Oktoberfest. 

1892 In celebration of the 400th anniversary of the Columbus
landing the original version of the Pledge of Allegiance was
first recited in public schools. 

1915 Former U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt criticized U.S.
citizens who identified themselves by dual nationalities. 

1920 Construction of the Holland Tunnel began. It opened on
November 13, 1927. The tunnel links Jersey City, NJ and New York
City, NY. 

1933 The U.S. Department of Justice acquired Alcatraz Island from
the U.S. Army. 

1942 During World War II, Attorney General Francis Biddle
announced that Italian nationals in the United States would no
longer be considered enemy aliens. 

1960 Soviet premier Nikita Khrushchev pounded a shoe on his desk
during a dispute at a U.N. General Assembly. 

1964 The Soviet Union launched Voskhod 1 into orbit around the
Earth. It was the first space flight to have a multi-person crew
and the first flight to be performed without space suits. 

1972 During the Vietnam War, a racial brawl broke out aboard the
U.S. aircraft carrier Kitty Hawk. Nearly 50 sailors were injured.


1976 China announced that Hua Guo-feng was named to succeed the
late Mao Tse-tung as chairman of the Communist Party. 

1988 Federal prosecutors announced that the Sundstrand Corp.
would pay $115 million dollars to settle with the Pentagon for
overbilling airplane parts over a five-year period. 

1989 The U.S. House of Representatives approved a statutory
federal ban on the destruction of the American flag. 

1994 Haitian military leader Raoul Cedras was granted political
asylum by Panama. 

1994 The Magellan space probe ended its four-year mission to
Venus for the purpose of mapping. 

1997 The St. Francis Basilica and 15th-century bell tower above
Foligno city hall in Italy were damaged by 3 earthquakes. 

1998 The U.S. House of Representatives passed the Online
Copyright Bill. 

1999 In Pakistan, Pervez Musharraf seized power in a bloodless
coup that toppled Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif. The Supreme Court
ruled that the coup was legal but insisted that a civilian
government be restored within three years. 

2001 A special episode of America's Most Wanted was aired that
focused on 22 wanted terrorists. The show was specifically
requested by U.S. President George W. Bush. 

2006 The Dow Jones industrial average advanced over 11,900 for
the first time. 

2015 It was announced that Dell was buying EMC for around $67
billion. 

2018  smiled.


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"Be Aware" hoax 




Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, October 11

home4christmas.com is for sale! 
Make an offer! $50 minimum.
You  can use it for anything you want.

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Springfield man arrested after posting 
Facebook video about how to remove 
an ankle monitor

______________________________________________________
Today, October 11 in
1984 American Kathryn D. Sullivan became the first female
astronaut to space walk. She was aboard the space shuttle
Challenger. 
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. --- Lucille Ball (1911 - 1989) ______________________________________________________ >From Wendy After my recent Prostate Exam, which was the most thorough I've ever had, the Doctor left the room and the nurse came in. As she shut the door, She asked me a question I didn't want to hear. She said; "Who Was That Guy? ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man received a phone call one day, and the caller asked if he had lost a parrot. He said that he had indeed lost the bird, but wanted to know how the caller located him. The called said that the bird had landed on his balcony and kept repeating, "Hi, you have reached 555-1234. I can't come to the phone right now, please leave a message at the tone. Screeeech!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this story: Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, "Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk," worth 70 points or none at all. One student , in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages. He wrote: 1.) It is perfect formula for the child. 2.) It provides immunity against several diseases. 3.) It is always the right temperature. 4.) It is inexpensive. 5.) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa. 6.) It is always available as needed. And then, the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell indicating the end of the test rang, he wrote... 7.) It comes in cute containers. He got an A ______________________________________________________ Soputan,Indonesia Enough CO2 for a Million acres of rice _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Dwayne White, Bonifay, Floriduh Florida Officer Charged With Selling Drugs Out of Squad Car Crime doesn't pay - especially when you're supposed to be working for the other side. Authorities say a police officer who worked for the Bonifay Police Department, located in the Florida panhandle, was arrested after allegedly selling opioids out of his marked squad car while in uniform. Officer Dwayne White was arrested while at the Bonifay Police Department by agents from the Florida Department of Law Enforcement, authorities said. The FDLE began its investigation of White last month after the Holmes County Sheriff's Office referred their suspicions to them. Undercover agents made a controlled purchase of opioid tablets from White while he was in uniform in his marked squad car. White also allegedly used his personal cell phone for sales. The officer was charged with selling a controlled substance and unlawful use of a two-way communications device. He is currently being held in the Walton County Jail.
From: Fred Re: Fwd.:Be Aware Dear Webby, Please read this. It is no joke. Here is the e-mail I was sent: Dear Friends: I know not all of you are women that I am sending this to, but am hoping you will share this with your wives, daughters, mothers, sisters, etc. Our world seems to be getting crazier by the day. Pipe bombs in mail boxes and sickos in parking lots with perfume. Be careful. I was approached yesterday afternoon aro und 5:30 PM in the Wal-Mart parking lot by two men asking what kind of perfume I .......... Dear Fred Forget it. That is an ancient hoax. You can read up on it. There is no gas that is so potent that it can knock you out with just the tiny amount that can be put into a stack of scratch cards. Have FUN! DearWebby

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Keli said, "I met the best-looking guy! He's gorgeous, but he doesn't say much. He's very quiet." Anni asked, "Did you check to see if he needs the battery replaced??"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A young woman meets her old, retired, parish priest and when he asks her how she is, she bursts out crying. "What's the matter child?" he asks. "Oh, Father," she says, "it's my boyfriend. He won't marry me because I'm Roman Catholic." "There, there child. Here's what you do. Explain to him the faith of the Church, the traditions, the ceremonies and the rites. That'll bring him around." Tearfully, the young woman says she'll try it. About a year later, they meet again, and again she bursts into tears when he asks how she is doing. "Is it your boyfriend, child?" he asks. "Yes, Father." "Did you explain about the Church as I suggested?" "Yes, Father," she says, "but that was the problem. He was so taken by it that he's now studying to be a priest." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Tennis Ball In The Garage Are you worried about a young driver (or yourself) driving through the back wall of you garage? Hang a tennis ball from the ceiling of the garage. Position the tennis ball to hit the windshield when the car is pulled in far enough. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
The brief musical career of Norman Bates, aka Anthony Perkins.
___________________________________________________ A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams and wanted to know what he should do next. His mother suggested, "Why don't you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your place for a home-cooked meal?" He thought this was a great idea and arranged a date for the next weekend. His mother called the day after the big date to see how things had gone. He moaned, "Oh, mom, the evening was a complete disaster." His mother said, "Why, didn't she come over?" And the young man said, "Oh, she came over, but she refused to cook." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
WIFE: "There's trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor." HUSBAND: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous." WIFE: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor." HUSBAND: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. I'll check it out. Where's the car?" WIFE: "In the pool."

Today October 11 in
1776 During the American Revolution the first naval battle of
Lake Champlain was fought. The forces under Gen. Benedict Arnold
suffered heavy losses. 

1811 The Juliana, the first steam-powered ferryboat, was put into
operation by the inventor John Stevens. The ferry went between
New York City, NY, and Hoboken, NJ. 

1869 Thomas Edison filed for a patent on his first invention. The
electric machine was used for counting votes for the U.S.
Congress, however the Congress did not buy it. 

1881 David Henderson Houston patented the first roll film for
cameras. 

1890 The Daughters of the American Revolution was founded in
Washington, DC. 

1899 The Boer War began in South Africa between the British and
the Boers of the Transvaal and Orange Free State. 

1929 JCPenney opened a store in Milford, DE, making it a
nationwide company with stores in all 48 states. 

1932 In New York, the first telecast of a political campaign was
aired. 

1939 U.S. President Roosevelt was presented with a letter from
Albert Einstein that urged him to develop the U.S. atomic program
rapidly. 

1942 The Battle of Cape Esperance, during World War II, began in
the Solomons. 

1958 Pioneer 1, a lunar probe, was launched by the U.S. The probe
did not reach its destination and fell back to Earth and burned
up in the atmosphere. 

1968 Apollo 7 was launched by the U.S. The first manned Apollo
mission was the first in which live television broadcasts were
received from orbit. Wally Schirra, Don Fulton Eisele and R.
Walter Cunningham were the astronauts aboard. 

1975 Bill Clinton and Hillary Rodham were married in
Fayetteville, AR. 

1983 The last hand-cranked telephones in the U.S. went out of
service. The 440 telephone customers of Bryant Pond, ME, were
switched to direct-dial service. 

1984 American Kathryn D. Sullivan became the first female
astronaut to space walk. She was aboard the space shuttle
Challenger. 

1984 Mario Lemieux (Pittsburgh Penguins) made his debut in the
National Hockey League (NHL) against the Boston Bruins. He scored
a goal on his first shot on his first NHL shift. 

1994 U.S. troops in Haiti took control of the National Palace. 

1994 Iraqi troops began moving away from the Kuwaiti border. 

1994 The Colorado Supreme Court declared that the anti-gay rights
measure in the state was unconstitutional. 

2018  smiled.


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Is Crap Cleaner OK? 




Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, October 10

home4christmas.com is for sale! 
Make an offer! $50 minimum.
You  can use it for anything you want.

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Springfield man arrested after posting 
Facebook video about how to remove 
an ankle monitor

______________________________________________________
Today, October 10 in
1973 Fiji became independent after of nearly a 
century of British rule. 
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half the time. --- E. B. White (1899 - 1985) Before God we are all equally wise - and equally foolish. --- Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955) ______________________________________________________ >From Myrna Men are good for only one thing! Upset over a newlywed squabble with my husband, I went to my mother to complain. Trying to console me, my dad said that men are not all like this all the time. "Nonsense," I said. "Men are good for only one thing!" "Yes," my mother interjected, "but how often do you have to parallel park?" ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ "Doctor!" said the woman as she loudly bounced into the room, "I want you to tell me very frankly what's wrong with me." He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you." "First, you need to lose at least twenty pounds. Second, you should use about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist - the doctor's office is on the next floor...." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A group of Americans was touring Ireland. One of the women in the group was a real curmudgeon, constantly complaining. The bus seats are uncomfortable. The food is terrible. It´s too hot. It´s too cold. The accommodations are awful. The group arrived at the site of the famous Blarney Stone. "Good luck will be followin´ ya all your days if you kiss the Blarney Stone," the guide said. "Unfortunately, it´s being cleaned today and so no one will be able to kiss it. Perhaps we can come back tomorrow." "We can´t be here tomorrow," the nasty woman shouted. "We have some other boring tour to go on. So I guess we can´t kiss the stupid stone." "Well now," the guide said, "it is said that if you kiss someone who has kissed the stone, you´ll have the same good fortune." "And I suppose you´ve kissed the stone," the woman scoffed. "No, ma´am," the frustrated guide said, "but I´ve sat on it!!!" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Dustin W. Burns, 33, Springfield, MO Springfield man arrested after posting Facebook video about how to remove an ankle monitor A Springfield man is in jail after authorities say he filmed himself using a butter knife and a screwdriver to remove an ankle monitor — then posted the video to Facebook. The July video referenced by investigators is still posted on what appears to be the Facebook page of Dustin W. Burns, 33. Court records show Burns pleaded guilty to violating a restraining order earlier this year and was placed on probation. "This is how you take an ankle bracelet off," says a voice in the video, "without breaking the circuit." A man in the video can be seen with his pants leg rolled up. He sticks the butter knife in and out of the device, before grabbing a utility tool to unscrew part of it. The man advises viewers to remove the ankle monitor without damaging it, thus avoiding thousands of dollars in fines. The video ends with the man fully removing the bracelet and holding it up to the camera. Authorities apparently believe this man is Burns. In subsequent posts, the Facebook account references trips to Utah, Boise, Idaho and Oregon. In August, the Facebook account posted a video of a man who looks like Burns walking through what appears to be a large marijuana farm with the caption: "Dream come true." Court records show several probation violations were filed this summer against Burns and a warrant for his arrest was issued. Online jail records show Burns has been in the Greene County Jail since Aug. 28. Burns was charged this week with tampering with electronic monitoring equipment, a felony, court records say.
From: Jerry Re: Is CrapCleaner safe Dear Webby, I sent you an E-Mail last week and did'nt recive any reply... So, Guess I'll thy again... Can you tell me anything about the CrapCleaner... I've downloaded it,from your site here...but I don't want to use it unless I know its safe... Well it delete my files and/or programs that are on my Desktop ??? Thank You for any info... --- Jerry --- Dear Jerry Crap Cleaner is perfectly safe. It will just delete useless crap. If you are using cookies to sign in at the bank and places like that, take the checkmark off the cookies. Then it will leave those alone. It will show you first what it has found that is useless crap. You can look that over and un-check stuff if you think you might need it. CrapCleaner will remember your preferences and next time not suggest anything that you had unchecked the last time. Quite often, if your machine slows down and gets close to stalling, running CrapCleaner will get things moving again and speed up the machine. Some people prefer the older versions of Crap cleaner, and I do too. The newer versions can be a bit too helpful unless you look at all the options and uncheck stuff, that you find unneccessary. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
At the outpatient surgery center where I work, the anesthesiologist often chatted with patients before their operations to help them relax. One day he thought he recognized a woman as a co-worker at the VA hospital where he had trained. When the patient confirmed that his hunch was correct, he said, "So, tell me, is the food still as bad there as it used to be?" "Well," she replied, "I'm still cooking it."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Just before their first long deployment two Navy buddies were talking about the stress of leaving their families. A senior officer, a veteran of many deployments, overheard the conversation and offered the following advice: "You must be sensitive to your wives' emotional needs," he said. "Never, ever, whistle while you pack!" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Donate Old Magazines Give your old magazines to hospitals, nursing homes, senior centers, schools or clinics. Schools need magazines for research and for children to cut pictures out of. Anywhere there is a waiting room there are people hoping for something to read. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
The brief musical career of Norman Bates, aka Anthony Perkins.
___________________________________________________ The new bride had spent two hours preparing her first break- fast. She sat down at the table, eagerly watching as her husband slowly savored each forkful. "How was it, Honey?" she asked when he'd finished. "Well," he began thoughtfully, wiping his lips, "you probably could have beaten the eggshells a little longer. But on the whole, it was a good start." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Our neighbor used the word hypochondriac to describe the phase her teen-age daughter was going though. One day the girl was convinced that the pain on her left side was appendicitis. Her mother explained that the appendix is on the right. "So that's why it hurts to much," her daughter said. "My appendix is on the wrong side."

Today October 10 in
1845 The United States Naval Academy opened in Annapolis, MD. 

1865 The billiard ball was patented by John Wesley Hyatt. 

1886 The tuxedo dinner jacket made its U.S. debut in New York
City. 

1887 Thomas Edison organized the Edison Phonograph Company. 

1911 China's Manchu dynasty was overthrown by revolutionaries
under Sun Yat-sen. 

1913 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson triggered the explosion of the
Gamboa Dike that finished the construction of the Panama Canal. 

1933 Dreft, the first synthetic detergent, went on sale. 

1938 Nazi Germany completed its annexation of Czechoslovakia's
Sudetenland. 

1943 Chaing Kai-shek took the oath of office as the president of
China. 

1957 U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower apologized to Komla
Agbeli Gbdemah, the finance minister of Ghana, after the official
had been refused service in a Dover, DE, restaurant. 

1959 Pan American World Airways announced the beginning of the
first global airline service. 

1963 A dam burst in Italy killing 3,000 people. 

1965 The Red Baron made his first appearance in the "Peanuts"
comic strip. 

1973 Fiji became independent after of nearly a century of British
rule. 

1984 The U.S. Congress passed the 2nd Boland Amendment which
outlawed solicitation of 3rd-party countries to support the
Contras. The amendment barred the use of funds available to CIA,
defense, or intelligence agencies for "supporting, directly or
indirectly, military or paramilitary operations in Nicaragua by
any nation, group, organization or individual." 

1987 Tom McClean finished rowing across the Atlantic Ocean. It
set the record at 54 days and 18 hours. 

1991 The United States cut all foreign aid to Haiti in reaction
to a military coup that forced President Jean-Claude Aristide
into exile. 

1994 Lt. Gen. Raoul Cedras resigned as Haiti's commander-in-chief
of the army and pledged to leave the country. 

1994 Iraq announced it was withdrawing its forces from the
Kuwaiti border. No signs of a pullback were observed. 

2003 Rush Limbaugh announced that he was addicted to painkillers
and that he was going to check into a rehab center. 

2010 In China, Canton Tower opened to the public. 

2018  smiled.


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Spam from "hackergroup" 





Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, October 9

home4christmas.com is for sale! 
Make an offer! $50 minimum.
You  can use it for anything you want.

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Another rape by 'repeat' illegal alien

______________________________________________________
Today, October 9 in
1989 The official Soviet news agency Tass reported an 
unidentified flying object. The report included a trio 
of tall aliens that had visited the city of Voronzh. 
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The higher the buildings, the lower the morals. --- Noel Coward (1899 - 1973) ______________________________________________________ The man came home drunk at four in the morning, and his wife was all over him, yelling at him, crying because she thought he was with another woman. "No, honey, I swear, I was at this bar, and it was so fancy that even the urinals were made of gold." She said she didn't believe him so she called the bar. "Hello," she said, "I just want to ask one question. My husband claims to have spent the night at your bar and I have one question: "Are your urinals covered in gold?" To which she heard the bartender said, "Hey, Clarence, I think we found the drunk who peed in your tuba!" ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Seems there was a young soldier, who, just before battle, told his sergeant that he didn't have a rifle. "That's no problem, son," said the sergeant. "Here, take this broom. Just point it at the enemy, and go 'Bangety Bang Bang.'" "But what about a bayonet, Sarge?" asked the young (and gullible) recruit. The sergeant pulls a piece of straw from the end of the broom, and attaches it to the handle end. "Here, use this ... just go, 'Stabity Stab Stab.'" The recruit ends up alone on the battlefield, holding just his broom. Suddenly, an enemy soldier charges at him. The recruit points the broom. "Bangety Bang Bang!" The enemy falls dead. More enemies appear. The recruit, amazed at his good luck, goes "Bangety Bang Bang! Stabity Stab Stab!" He mows down the enemy by the dozens. Finally, the battlefield is clear, except for one enemy soldier walking slowly toward him. "Bangety Bang Bang! shouts the recruit. The enemy keeps coming. "Bangety Bang Bang!" repeats the recruit, to no avail. He gets desperate. "Bangety Bang Bang! Stabity Stab Stab!" It's no use. The enemy keeps coming. He stomps the recruit into the ground, mumbling "Tankety Tank Tank." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ "Dad," said Little Johnny, "I'm late for football practice. Would you please do my homework for me?" The father said irately, "Son, it just wouldn't be right." "That's okay," replied Little Johnny, "but you could at least give it a try, couldn't you?" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by April Calkins, 38, Cody Gotowala, 13, Choctaw, Oklahoma Mom arrested for bringing teenage son along with her to break-ins Police arrested 38-year-old April Calkins along with Cody Gotowala on burglary charges. Calkins, also facing a charge of contributing to the deliquency of a minor, accused of taking her 13-year-old son along with them on the crime spree. The 13-year-old boy told authorities he went with his mom multiple times, Taking items like little girls clothing and in one case bullets for a gun. The boy told police his mom had done more than a hundred burglaries in the eastern OKC metro. He says he stopped going with her when he realized what she was doing. And although Calkins and Gotowala are now in custody, officials say the investigation is not over yet. Officials with the Oklahoma County Sheriff’s Office say a child’s doll led them to a major burglary ring in Choctaw. Last month, deputies with the sheriff’s office discovered thousands of dollars worth of stolen items at a Choctaw home, near N.E. 36th and Choctaw Rd. According to a search warrant affidavit, deputies began their investigation into the home after a doll was seen online. On Sept. 4, a victim called the Oklahoma County Sheriff’s Office after noticing “a Cabbage Patch doll matching one stolen in the burglary was being sold on an online classified website.” Investigators say the victim spotted the doll for sale on ‘Letgo’ and was being sold by “Craft Pirate.” Ultimately, investigators were able to track down the seller. According to the search warrant affidavit, deputies attempted to speak with the seller and immediately noticed items that matched the description of other pieces of stolen property. Deputies were able to obtain a search warrant for the property and seized items like hunting gear, power tools and video games.
From: Edith Re: Hacker threat Dear Webby, Lately I have gotten a lot of mail from a wanna-be hacker, with my address forged into the sender slot, threatening me with all kinds of problems, if I don't pay immediately. I know they are full of shit, but they are a nuisance. How do I block them? Edith Dear Edith With MailWasher that is easy. There are links to that on top and on the side. Send an email to yourself. That will show you the machine name and your IP number in the header. Make a filter with MailWasher that if the header contains [your address] and the header does not contain [your machine name]. and for the action select: delete automatically. That deletes those spams right on the server, without even showing them in the list. Sent to hell in the dark. You will never see those spams again, or any spam, that has your address forged into the sender slot. If you can't tell your machine name, send an email to me and I will read the header. Instead of the machine name you can also use your IP number. You can look that up at http://webby.com/ip Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Upon retiring from the service, Don, needed a new ID card showing he had gone from active duty to retirement status. But the photo taken of him was not particularly good and he wasn't at all quiet about it. "If I have to carry that ID around with me for the rest of my life," he complained to the photographer, "I want a better picture." "Want a better picture?" asked the photographer defiantly. "Then bring us a better face!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A salesman attending a meeting on the coast was held up when a severe storm and a flood washed out the local airport. He wired his office: "Delayed by storm. Send instructions." His boss wired back: "We'll answer your calls. Your vacation has been approved to start immediately." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com October Best Buys Plan your meals around items that tend to be cheaper in October. Here's a list of some of the best bets during October. Apples, Baking Goods, Beans, Beef, Beets, Broccoli, Brussels Sprouts, Cauliflower, Chestnuts, Cranberries, Parsnips, Pears, Pork, Pumpkin, Scallops, Sweet Potatoes, Turkey, Turnips, and Winter Squash. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Take a guess as to what these knobbly balls were used for. It's a mystery to me!
___________________________________________________ One day a co-worker told my friend, Stan, that she was going home early because she didn't feel well. Since Stan was just getting over something himself, he wished her well and said he hoped it wasn't something he had given her. A fellow worker piped up, "I sure hope not. She has morning sickness." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Lincoln studied by the light of a fireplace. Mozart composed by candlelight. Galileo invented by oil lamp. Didn't they ever think to do their work during the daytime?

Today October 9 in
1635 Roger Williams, founder of Rhode Island, was banished from
Massachusetts because he had spoken out against punishments for
religious offenses and giving away land that belonged to the
Indians. Williams had founded Providence, Rhode Island as a place
for people to seek religious freedom. 

1776 A group of Spanish missionaries settled in what is now San
Francisco, CA. 

1781 The last major battle of the American Revolutionary War took
place in Yorktown, VA. The American forces, led by George
Washington, defeated the British troops under Lord Cornwallis. 

1812 During the War of 1812 American forces captured two British
brigs, the Detroit and the Caledonia. 

1855 Isaac Singer patented the sewing machine motor. 

1855 Joshua C. Stoddard received a patent for his calliope. 

1858 Mail service via stagecoach between San Francisco, CA, and
St. Louis, MO, began. 

1872 Aaron Montgomery started his mail order business with the
delivery of the first mail order catalog. The firm later became
Montgomery Wards. 

1876 Alexander Graham Bell and Thomas Watson made their longest
telephone call to date. It was a distance of two miles. 

1888 The public was admitted to the Washington Monument for the
first time. 

1914 During World War I, German forces captured Antwerp, Belgium.


1930 Aviator Laura Ingalls landed in Glendale, CA, to complete
the first solo transcontinental flight across the U.S. by a
woman. 

1936 The first generator at Boulder Dam began transmitting
electricity to Los Angeles, CA. The name of the dam was later
changed to Hoover Dam. 

1940 St. Paul's Cathedral in London was bombed by the Nazis. The
dome was unharmed in the bombing. 

1946 "The Iceman Cometh" opened in New York City, NY. 

1946 The first electric blanket went on sale in Petersburg, VA. 

1975 Andrei Sakharov was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. The
Soviet scientist is known as the "father of the hydrogen bomb." 

1986 U.S. District Judge Harry E. Claiborne became the fifth
federal official to be removed from office through impeachment.
The U.S. Senate convicted Claiborne of "high crimes and
misdemeanors." 

1986 The musical "Phantom of the Opera" by Andrew Lloyd Webber
opened in London. 

1989 The official Soviet news agency Tass reported an
unidentified flying object. The report included a trio of tall
aliens that had visited the city of Voronzh. 

1994 The U.S. sent troops and warships to the Persian Gulf in
response to Saddam Hussein sending thousands of troops and
hundreds of tanks toward the Kuwaiti border. 

1995 Saboteurs tinkered with a stretch of railroad track in
Arizona. An Amtrak train derailed killing one and injuring a
hundred. 

2000 Brett Hull (Dallas Stars) scored his 611th National Hockey
League (NHL) goal. The goal allowed him to pass his father, Bobby
Hull, on the all time scoring list bringing him to number 9. 

2003 Britain's Queen Elizabeth II knighted Roger Moore and made
Sting a CBE (Commander of the British Empire). 

2009 NASA launched the Lunar Crater Observation and Sensing
Satellite (LCROSS). On November 13, it was announced that water
had been discovered in the planned impact plume on the moon. 

2018  smiled.


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WiFi Problem solved 




Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, October 8

home4christmas.com is for sale! 
Make an offer! $50 minimum.
You  can use it for anything you want.

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Another rape by ‘repeat’ illegal alien

______________________________________________________
Today, October 8 in
1950 U.N. forces crossed into North Korea from South Korea. 
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The only thing worse than a man you can't control is a man you can. --- Margo Kaufman ______________________________________________________ A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull. The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store. The attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking. After the rancher had signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher, "You know, I hate to tell you this, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn't have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!" The old rancher replied, "Well, I'll tell you, young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that durned bull came home this morning." ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Two boys are playing hockey on the pond on Boston Common, when one is attacked by a vicious Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy took his hockey stick and managed to wedge it down the dog's collar and twist, luckily breaking the dog's neck and stopping its attack. A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy. "Young Bruins Fan Saves friend from Vicious Animal..." he starts writing in his notebook. "But, I'm not a Bruins Fan," the little hero replied. "Sorry, since we're in Boston, I just assumed you were," said the reporter and starts again. "Red Sox Fan Rescues Friend from Horrific attack..." he continued writing in his notebook. "I'm not a Red Sox fan either!" The boy said. "I assumed everyone in Boston was either for the Bruins or the Red Sox. So, what team do you root for?" the reporter asked. "I'm a Yankees fan!" the child beamed. The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes: "Little Bastard from New York Murders Beloved Family Pet." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A woman in her late forties went to a plastic surgeon for a face-lift. The surgeon told her about a new procedure called "The Knob", where a small knob is placed on the back of a woman's head and can be turned to tighten up her skin to produce the effect of a brand new face lift. Of course, the woman wanted "The Knob." Fifteen years later, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems. "All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had to turn the knob many times and I've always loved the results. But now I've developed two annoying problems. First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them." The doctor looked at her closely and said, "Those aren't bags, those are your breasts." She said, "Well, I guess that explains the goatee." ______________________________________________________ Happy Thanksgiving! _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Ever Martinez-Reyes, 24, Illegal from El Salvador Another rape by ‘repeat’ illegal alien Ever Martinez-Reyes, 24, from El Salvador, was ordered held without bail Saturday on rape, sexual assault and assault charges after allegedly following a woman home and knocking her out, Fox News reported. "When he assaulted her and knocked her out, he then proceeded to rape her", Nassau Police Commissioner Patrick Ryder said. "She woke up and he knocked her out again and viciously continued to assault her". Martinez-Reyes had previously been deported and reentered the U.S. illegally again in 2014.
From: Grandma Buttercup Re: Solve WiFi Problem Dear Webby, I would like to offer my advice to the person having trouble with the wifi in hotels. I too had that problem and I travel quite a bit, until I called the technician for the wifi service. I have a Sony Vaio and did not know there is a tiny button on the side front that has to be turned on for wifi to work. Haven't had a problem since. Grandma Buttercup Thanks Grandma Buttercup! Let's hope that will do the trick for Nofries! Have FUN! DearWebby

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The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist, "You are far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest you take tranquilizers regularly." On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, "Have the tranquilizers calmed you down?" "Yes" the mother answered. "And how is your son now?" he asked. "I don't know and I don't care." she replied.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Anna gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section. The stewardess tells her she must move to economy because she doesn't have a first class ticket. Anna replies, "I'm beautiful, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica." The stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the woman to leave and she says, "I'm beautiful, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica." The stewardesses don't know what to do because they have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off, so they get the co-pilot. The co-pilot goes up to Anna and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the economy section. The head stewardess asks the co-pilot what he said to get her to move. The co-pilot replies, "I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't stopping in Jamaica". ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Costume: Bag Of Garbage Cut holes in the bottom of a large garbage bag for legs and two holes in the side of the bag for arms. Your head will stick out the top of the bag. Fill it with crumpled newspaper until it looks like a full garbage bag and tape it closed Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Take a guess as to what these knobbly balls were used for. It's a mystery to me!
___________________________________________________ A little Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall for the first time. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father. "What is this, Father?" The father (never having seen an elevator) responded "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is". While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened up again, and a beautiful 24 year-old woman stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly "Son, go get your Mother." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today October 8 in
1895 The Berliner Gramophone Company was founded in Philadelphia,
PA. 

1915 During World War I, the Battle of Loos concluded. 

1918 U.S. Corporal Alvin C. York almost single-handedly killed 25
German soldiers and captured 132 in the Argonne Forest in
France.
York had originally tried to avoid being drafted as a
conscientious objector. After this event he was promoted to
sergeant and was awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor. 

1919 The first transcontinental air race in the U.S. began. 

1945 U.S. President Truman announced that only Britain and Canada
would be given the secret to the atomic bomb. Canada never built
an atomic bomb, because they figured that the Canadian
Government
was so screwed up, that nobody would dare attack Canada. They
were right. 

1950 U.N. forces crossed into North Korea from South Korea. 

1952 "The Complete Book of Etiquette" was published for the first
time. 

1966 The U.S. Government declared that LSD was dangerous and an
illegal substance. That made all the Hippies want to try it. 

1970 Soviet author Alexander Solzhenitsyn won the Nobel Prize for
literature. 

1981 U.S. President Reagan greeted former Presidents Carter, Ford
and Nixon to the White House. The group was preparing to leave
for Egypt to attend the funeral of Anwar Sadat. 

1982 In Poland, all labor organizations, including Solidarity,
were banned. 

1991 A slave burial site was found by construction workers in
lower Manhattan. The "Negro Burial Ground" had been closed in
1790. Over a dozen skeletons were found. 

1993 The U.S. government issued a report absolving the FBI of any
wrongdoing in its final assault in Waco, TX, on the Branch
Davidian compound. The fire that ended the siege killed as many
as 85 people. 

1998 Taliban forces attacked Iranian border posts. Iran said that
three border posts were destroyed before the Taliban forces were
forced to retreat. The Taliban of Afghanistan denied the event
occurred. 

1998 Canada and Netherlands were voted into the U.N. Security
Council. 

2001 Two Russian cosmonauts made the first spacewalk to be
conducted outside of the international space station without a
shuttle present. 

2002 A federal judge approved U.S. President George W. Bush's
request to reopen West Coast ports, to end a caustic 10-day labor
lockout. The lockout was costing the U.S. economy an estimated
$1
billion to $2 billion a day. 

2003 China announced that it would have a human crew orbit the
Earth briefly on October 15. 

2003 Vietnam and the United States reached a tentative agreement
that would allow the first commercial flights between the two
countries since the end of the Vietnam War. 

2003 It was announced that Vivendi Universal and General Electric
Co. had reached an agreement to merge. The name for the combined
company was NBC Universal. 

2003 Siegfried Fischbacher and his manager announced that the
"Siegfried and Roy" show at the Mirage was canceled permanently.
It was also said that if Roy Horn survived, after a tiger attack
on October 3, the duo would continue to work together. 

2004 The first-ever direct presidential elections were held in
Afghanistan. 

2018  smiled.


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WiFi Problems 




Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, October 7

home4christmas.com is for sale! 
Make an offer! $50 minimum.
You  can use it for anything you want.

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Illinois man arrested for paying court fines 
using stolen credit card info

______________________________________________________
Today, October 7 in
2003 In California, Arnold Schwarzenegger was elected governor 
in the recall election of Governor Gray Davis. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The entire economy of the Western world is built on things that cause cancer. --- From the 1985 movie "Bliss" Writing is not necessarily something to be ashamed of, but do it in private and wash your hands afterwards. --- Robert Heinlein (1907 - 1988) ______________________________________________________ After the christening of his baby brother in church, little five-year-old Johnny sat in the back seat, unusually quite. Very softly he started to cry until his father noticed him sobbing. "What's wrong, little Johnny?" asked his father. Between sniffles little Johnny replied, "That priest said he wanted us brought up in a good Christian home, but I want to stay with you guys instead!" ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. The classroom became a bit unruly and he admonished them. This happened several times. When he could do work at his desk, the strong breeze from the window made his tie flap annoyingly. He kept rearranging and rearranging the tie as the class raised its level of unruliness. Finally, becoming disgusted with the wayward tie, he stood up and took a big stapler off his desk and stapled the tie to his chest in several places. Discipline was not a problem from that day forth. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ The sheriff of a small town was also the town's animal Vet. One night the phone rang, and his wife answered. An agitated voice inquired, "Is your husband there?" "Do you require his services as a sheriff or as a vet?" the wife asked. "Both!" was the reply. "We can't get our dog's mouth open, and there's a burglar in it." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Michael Auttonberry, 59, West Monroe, Louisiana Louisiana Man Tells Cops That A Ghost Planted Meth On Him After police found methamphetamine “in plain view” on a nightstand in his home, a Louisiana man claimed that a ghost placed the narcotics in his residence, according to an arrest report. Responding to a reported stabbing, sheriff’s deputies early yesterday encountered Michael Auttonberry, 59, at the door of his West Monroe residence. Auttonberry, seen at right, cursed at cops and “people who were obviously not there.” Deputies quickly determined that Auttonberry had not, as he claimed in a 911 call, been “stabbed on the head by an axe.” Nor were there any intruders inside his home. While making sure that Auttonberry’s residence was clear, a deputy spotted “in plain view on a night stand a open brown paper containing approximately 1 gram of suspected methamphetamine.” A subsequent search of Auttonberry yielded a pill bottle containing another gram of meth. Auttonberry surmised that a "ghost or intruders" placed the meth on him and were exiting the home through a nearby window. “Which was not accurate,” investigators noted. Auttonberry was arrested on a felony narcotics possession charge and a misdemeanor criminal mischief count. He is being held in the Ouachita Parish jail in lieu of $5000 bond.
From: Nofries Re: WiFi Problem Dear Webby, I tried to use my new laptop's wifi at two places this past week. Both places offered free wifi access and when I switched on the wi fi it detected the signal and connected. Then I could not surf, when I tried to open Internet Explorer I got the message, "IE cannot display this web page." I'm not too tech savvy and was embarrassed beyond belief that I could not figure this out. I have windows XP pro and ran the Network Diagnostics for Windows XP, and checked the Tools >Internet Options>Advanced>and made sure the SSL and TSL were enabled. Could it have been my firewall or security? I use free Zonealarm, Ad-aware, and AVG. I seem to recall Zonealarm asking to allow something and I said yes. I also use AOL, I know - my bad! I just tried to Google the error message with no luck. Is there a web site for dummies to get help with tech problems? I'm visually oriented and can figure out most things with written instructions. Do you have any advice or link to a problem solving site for dummies? Love your daily Humor letter! nofries ps--Still have dial up Internet at home, in SE USA. I will have to stick to dial up for 6-8 months or so, can you recommend an ISP? Dear Nofries Normally, with free or public WIFI you automatically get a browser screen from the WIFI provider, and you have to log in with the user name and password that is usually on a card on the table or posted somewhere. Sometimes you have to sign up and fill out your name and address and bra size and all kinds of demographic information. The rule there is: "Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer." Just make up some stuff if it is too personal. Then you get a user name and password. Close the browser, and when you open it again with the log-on screen, use that user name and password. Until you log on, your browser doesn't go anywhere, except that log-on screen, and the WiFi signal strength will be very low. Don't be shy about asking staff how to log on. I ask, if the usual routine does not work, and I have logged onto WIFI at many hundreds of places. Usually the staff knows even less about it than you, but they will give you a number to call. The people at that support number will have you connected within seconds. Re a dial-up in SE USA, try Earthlink. I have sent hundreds of people to them, and all seem to be happy. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A teacher announced that to practice spelling, each member of the class would say what their father did for a living an then spell the occupation. A girl named Mary went first. "My dad is a baker, b-a-k-e-r, and if he were here, he would give each of us a cookie." Next came Tommy. "My dad is a banker,b-a-n-k-e-r, and if he were here, he'd give each of us a quarter." Third came Jimmy. "My dad is an electrician. But after struggling through a number of attempts to spell the word, the teacher asked him to sit and think about it for a moment while she called on someone else. She then turned to little Johnny. "My dad is a bookie, b-o-o-k-i-e," Johnny said. "And if he were here, he'd lay you 8-to-5 that Jimmy ain't never gonna spell electrician!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A wealthy executive boarded a New York to Chicago train. He explained to the porter, "I'm a heavy sleeper, but I want you to be sure and wake me up at 3:00 am for the stop in Buffalo. I don't care what I say, you just make sure I get off in Buffalo." The next morning the executive woke up in Chicago. He was furious. He found the porter and really gave him an earful before hustling off to purchase a return ticket. After he left, a co-worker said to the porter, "How can you stand there and let that passenger abuse you like that?" "That's nothing," said the porter. "You should have heard the guy I kicked out in Buffalo!" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Food Lost During a Power Outage If you have homeowners insurance, food that has to be thrown out during a power outage may be covered by your policy. Check with your insurance company to be sure. Some insurance policies will cover up to $500.00 per appliance if you provide a general list of what was lost and its replacement value. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
13 Things I found on the internet today 5-15-2018 by Messy Nessy.
___________________________________________________ There are three ways to get things done: 1) do it yourself 2) hire someone to do it 3) forbid your kids to do it ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today October 7 in
1765 Nine American colonies sent a total of 28 delegates to New
York City for the Stamp Act Congress. The delegates adopted the
"Declaration of Rights and Grievances." 

1777 During the American Revolution the second Battle of Saratoga
began. 

1913 For the first time, Henry Ford's entire Highland Park
automobile factory was run on a continuously moving assembly line
when the chassis was added to the process. 

1918 The Georgia Tech football team defeated Cumberland College
222-0. Georgia Tech carried the ball 978 yards and never threw a
pass. 

1949 The German Democratic Republic (East Germany) was formed. 

1950 The U.S.-led U.N. forces crossed the 38th parallel and
entered North Korea. China in November proved their threat to
enter the war by sending several hundred thousand troops over the
border into North Korea. 

1951 The Western Hills Hotel in Fort Worth, TX, became the first
hotel to feature all foam-rubber mattresses and pillows. 

1963 U.S. President Kennedy signed a nuclear test ban treaty with
Britain and the Soviet Union. 

1968 The Motion Picture Association of America adopted the film-
rating system that ranged for "G" to "X." 

1981 The Egyptian parliament, after the assassination of Anwar
Sadat, named Vice President Hosni Mubarak the next president of
Egypt. 

1985 The United States announced that it would no longer
automatically comply with World Court decisions. 

1989 In Budapest, Hungary's Communist Party renounced Marxism in
favor of democratic socialism. 

1993 U.S. President Clinton sent more troops, heavy armor, and
naval firepower to Somalia. 

1994 U.S. President Clinton dispatched an aircraft carrier to the
Persian Gulf when Iraqi troops were spotted moving toward Kuwait.
The U.S. Army was also put on alert. 

1998 The U.S. government filed an antitrust suit that alleged
Visa and MasterCard inhibit competition by preventing banks from
offering other cards. 

1999 American Home Products Corp. agreed to pay up to $4.83
billion to settle claims that the fen-phen diet drug caused
dangerous problems with heart valves. 

2000 Vojislav Kostunica took the oath of office as Yugoslavia's
first popularly elected president. 

2001 The U.S. Canada and Great Britain began airstrikes in
Afghanistan in response to that state's support of terrorism and
Osama bin Laden. The act was the first military action taken in
response to the terrorist attacks on the U.S. on September 11,
2001. 

2003 In California, Arnold Schwarzenegger was elected governor in
the recall election of Governor Gray Davis. 

2018  smiled.


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Email Substitute 





Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, October 6

home4christmas.com is for sale! 
Make an offer! $50 minimum.
You  can use it for anything you want.

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Illinois man arrested for paying court fines 
using stolen credit card info

______________________________________________________
Today, October 6 in
1848 The steamboat SS California left New York Harbor for San
Francisco via Cape Horn. The steamboat service arrived on
February 28, 1849. The trip took 4 months and 21 days. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues. --- Elizabeth Taylor (1932 - 2017) ______________________________________________________ >From Ann Co-workers sympathized as my mother complained that her back was really sore from moving furniture. "Why don't you wait till your husband gets home?" someone asked. "I could," my mother told the group," but the couch is easier to move when he's not on it." ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Kyle and Justin were sitting down to eat their supper with the baby sitter when 6 year old Kyle saw the baby sitter sit down in his daddy's seat. "You can't sit in Daddy's seat!" Kyle exclaimed. "Daddy's not home," the baby sitter replied, matter-of-factly. "Since I'm responsible for you while he's gone, I can sit here. Today I'm the boss." Justin, the 4 year old, quickly piped up, "If you're the boss, you have to sit over there in Mommy's chair!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ >From Peter A few years ago I went to visit my brother who was stationed in Germany. I assumed that enough Germans would speak English so that I could at least get around. But I found that many people spoke only their native tongue - including the ticket inspector on the train. He punched my ticket, then chatted cordially for a bit, making gestures like a windmill. I just nodded from time to time to show him that I was interested. When he had gone, an American woman soldier in the compartment leaned forward and asked if I spoke German. "No," I confessed. "Then that explains," she said, "why you didn't bat an eyelid when he told you that you were on the wrong train, going in the wrong direction, and that there was no scheduled stop for another hour." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Brenton Thurman, 28, Naperville, Illinois Illinois man arrested for paying court fines using stolen credit card info Naperville man accused of using stolen credit card information to pay his court fines and those of several other people has been arrested on a felony identity theft charge, the DuPage County State’s Attorney’s Office said. Brenton Thurman, 28, of the 0 to 100 block of Olesen Drive, made multiple payments to the DuPage County Clerk’s Office in March using stolen credit card and bank information, a state’s attorney’s office news release said. The payments added up to about $6,000, the release said. Thurman also used the stolen information to pay the fines and fees of other people, keeping the cash they’d given him to pay their court debts, the release said. The clerk’s office discovered the fraud and notified the state’s attorney’s office. DuPage County Judge Joshua Dieden set Thurman’s bond at $100,000, and required that Thurman show that any money used for bail was not illegally obtained, the release said. “The behavior alleged against Mr. Thurman is outrageous and, if proven guilty, will not go unpunished,” State’s Attorney Robert Berlin said in the release. “In addition to allegedly victimizing several individuals, Mr. Thurman allegedly attempted to defraud our system of justice all while lining his pockets at the expense of others.”
From: Bill Re: Email Substitute Dear Webby, A lady asked "I want a toolbar so I can forward e-mail to without having to open outlook express. I am not to thrill with google toolbar." Any suggestions or remedies? Thanks, Bill Dear Bill I would recommend a steady diet of Smarties and competent supervision. To forward email without opening her email program she would have to delve deeper into spiritology than I want to venture. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Thanks to Sandie for this story: A woman, her husband and their three rambunctious young sons were in their car waiting at a traffic light. The woman glanced over at the car next to them and noticed a blissfully happy mother with her baby daughter. Looking at her husband, she said, "As soon as I lose my weight from the last baby, I want to try for a daughter." The husband reached up to the dash, grabbed an open box of snacks and said, "Here. Have some cookies."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Thanks to JRC for this story: A Doctor in Newfoundland wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant "Garge, I am going hunting tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all me patients". "Yes, sir!" answers Garge. The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks: "So,Garge, How was your day?" Garge told him that he took care of three patients. "The first one had a headache so I gave him TYLENOL." "Bravo Mate, and the second one?" asks the doctor. "The second one had stomach burning and I gave him MAALOX, sir" says Garge. "Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about the third one?" asks the doctor. "Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opens and a woman enters. Like a flame, she undresses herself, taking off everything including her bra and her panties and lies down on the table, spreading her legs and shouts: 'HELP ME! For five years I have not seen any man!'" "Tunderin' lard Jaysus, Garge, what did you do?" asks the doctor. "I put drops in her eyes. I don't remember what happened after that." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Clutter Control: 5 Minute Clean Up Have a family ritual: before anyone goes to bed, they clean up their belongings in the living and dining room. It only takes a few minutes. Items that sit out for too long become a part of the landscape. Daily maintenance is the key to clutter control. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
10 Most Beautiful Castles in Switzerland
___________________________________________________ There was this man who, many years ago, worked for a large business. That was his lifetime employment, but he wasn't happy there. He wanted to go into business for himself. He saved his money and finally had enough so that he could quit and start his own business. About two years later, I was on vacation and was going through the town where his business was located, so I stopped by for a visit. "Hey, John! I heard that the first year is the hardest for a new business." "Yeah, the first year was pretty rough, but we are doing pretty good now. In fact, I'm getting to where I only have to work half a day." "Wow, that's pretty nice. Maybe I should think about going into business for myself." "Yeah, and the nicest part of it is that it doesn't matter which twelve hours you work!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today October 6 in
1683 The first Mennonites arrived in America aboard the Concord.
The German and Dutch families settled in an area that is now a
neighborhood in Philadelphia, PA. 

1848 The steamboat SS California left New York Harbor for San
Francisco via Cape Horn. The steamboat service arrived on
February 28, 1849. The trip took 4 months and 21 days. 

1863 The first Turkish bath was opened in Brooklyn, NY, by Dr.
Charles Shepard. 

1866 The Reno Brothers pulled the first train robbery in America
near Seymour, IN. The got away with $10,000. 

1880 The National League kicked the Cincinnati Reds out for
selling beer. 

1889 In Paris, the Moulin Rouge opened its doors to the public
for the first time. 

1889 The Kinescope was exhibited by Thomas Edison. He had
patented the moving picture machine in 1887. 

1890 The Mormon Church was forced to outlaw polygamy. 

1928 War-torn China was reunited under the Nationalist leader
Chiang Kai-Shek. 

1939 Adolf Hitler denied any intention to wage war against
Britain and France in an address to Reichstag. 

1949 U.S. president Harry Truman signed the Mutual Defense
Assistance Act. The act provided $1.3 billion in the form of
military aid to NATO countries. 

1954 E.L. Lyon became the first male nurse for the U.S. Army. 

1961 U.S. president John F. Kennedy advised American families to
build or buy bomb shelters to protect them in the event of a
nuclear exchange with the Soviet Union. 

1973 Egypt and Syria attacked Israel in an attempt to win back
territory that had been lost in the third Arab-Israel war.
Support for Israel led to a devastating oil embargo against many
nations including the U.S. and Great Britain on October 17, 1973.
The war lasted 2 weeks. 

1979 Pope John Paul II became the first pontiff to visit the
White House. 

1991 Elizabeth Taylor married Larry Fortensky. The ceremony was
held at Michael Jackson's estate near Los Angeles, CA. It was
Taylor's 8th marriage and Fortensky's 3rd. 

2018  smiled.


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Does hosting make a difference with search engine ranking? 




Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, October 5
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


home4christmas.com is for sale! 
Make an offer! $50 minimum.
You  can use it for anything you want.

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Florida Woman Ends Up Behind Bars 
After Robbery 911 "Prank" 

______________________________________________________
Today, October 4 in
1919 Enzo Ferrari debuted in his first race. He later founded the
Auto Avio Construzioni Ferrari, an independent manufacturing
company. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Human beings are perhaps never more frightening than when they are convinced beyond doubt that they are right. --- Laurens Van der Post As I grow older, I pay less attention to what people say. I just watch what they do. --- Andrew Carnegie The first marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. The second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. The third marriage is the triumph of stupidity. --- Liz Taylor ______________________________________________________ Wilbur got a job on the railways as a steward. For the first day he accompanied another steward to learn the ropes. "It's very simple," said his tutor, "Just use diplomacy." "What's diplomacy?" asked Wilbur. "Watch me I'll show you". Off they went down the train corridor, rattling compartment doors, opening them with special keys and offering tea or coffee. When the tutor steward flung open one door he was confronted with a buck naked woman. Without batting an eyelid he asked "Tea or coffee, sir?" The surprised woman took the cup of tea and he shut the door. "Wow, did you see that cutie!" Wilbur said excitedly. "She had no clothes on. But hey, why did you call her sir?" "That's diplomacy! I did not want to embarrass her". Wilbur was most impressed with his teacher. The next day, on his own now, he flung open a door to a compartment and found a couple making love on the bed. "Tea or coffee, sir?" "Tea" the man replied. "And for your brother?" ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Dave for ths story: The parents in our cycling group were discussing the subject of teenagers and their appetites. Most agreed that teenagers would eat anything, anywhere and at any time. Some were concerned that such appetites always made it hard to judge when you should feed them because they were always grazing. A veteran parent of six children told us of his method for judging the true hunger of teenagers. "I would hold up a piece of cold, cooked broccoli, and if they were jumping and snapping at it, I figured they were hungry enough to be fed." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Two boys were arguing when the preacher entered the room. The preacher says, "Why are you arguing?" One boy answers, "We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to the person who tells the biggest lie." "You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the preacher, "When I was your age, I didn't even know what a lie was." The boys gave the ten dollars to the preacher. ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Pedgie Georges, 22, Fort Pierce, Florida Florida Woman Ends Up Behind Bars After Robbery "Prank" While dining Saturday at a Florida café, Pedgie Georges thought it would be funny to send her boyfriend a text falsely claiming that people were robbing the restaurant. But what Georges, 22, did not anticipate when planning her prank was that her beau would call 911 to report that an armed robbery was in progress at Alabon Bakery, a Fort Pierce eatery specializing in Haitian cooking. After receiving the 911 call, cops raced to the restaurant, running red lights with their sirens blaring. With their weapons drawn, officers subsequently entered the business and discovered no crime in progress. But they did find Georges, who explained that she texted her boyfriend as a prank that people were robbing the restaurant, according to an arrest affidavit. Since she had created a dangerous environment that could have resulted in harm to police or members of the public, Georges was arrested for misuse of the 911 system, a misdemeanor.
From Frances Re: Search Engines Dear Webby, Does it make any dfference to the search engines where my site is hosted ? Frances Dear Frances Yes, it seems to make a huge difference. Spammers or similarly objectionable people prefer to use bargain web hosts, because they do get kicked out fairly soon anyway, and because bargain hosts are usually not as swift in detecting spammers or in kicking out a paying client. The big networks blacklist and block the IP numbers used by the spammers. Bargain web hosts put hundreds of sites onto the same IP number. All those sites are affected by blocks, blacklists and reputation. When a robot from a search engine comes by and your site is not available, it's just like a census taker coming by when you are not home. You don't count if you are not counted, and those, who ARE counted, bypass you in the ranking. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Thanks to Dora for this Classic: During a friendly argument, my husband asked me why I married him in the first place. "I was just stupid," I teased. When he said he was happy to hear that, I requested an explanation. "People get divorced all the time because they fall out of love," he said. "But I've never heard of anybody falling out of stupid."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A couple have been married forty years and are revisiting the same places they went to on their honeymoon. As they are driving through the secluded countryside, they pass a ranch with a tall deer fence running along the road. The woman says, "Sweetheart, let's do the same thing we did here forty years ago!" The guy stops the car. His wife backs against the fence, and they make love like never before. Back in the car, the guys says, "Darlin', you sure never moved like that forty year ago -- or any time since that I can remember." The woman says, "Forty years ago that damn fence wasn't electrified!" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Frugal Costume: A Pirate! Wear an old pair of jeans and roll them up to your knees. Add knee high socks, tights or a pair of long johns under the pants. Find a shirt that is a few sizes too big and then wear a belt or sash over the shirt so that is nice and baggy. Add an old pair of boots, an earring and an eye patch! Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Let's travel to Bhutan, known for its vast expanses of untouched wilderness, deeply embedded Buddhist culture, and history steeped in tradition and legend.
___________________________________________________ Co-workers sympathized as my mother complained that her back was really sore from moving furniture. "Why don't you wait till your husband gets home?" someone asked. "I could," my mother told the group," but the couch is easier to move when he's not on it." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today October 5 in

1813 Chief Tecumseh of the Shawnee Indians was killed at the
Battle of Thames when American forces defeated the British and
the allied Indian warriors. 

1877 Chief Joseph of the Nez Perce Indians surrendered to the
U.S. Army after a 1,000-mile retreat towards the Canadian border.


1919 Enzo Ferrari debuted in his first race. He later founded the
Auto Avio Construzioni Ferrari, an independent manufacturing
company. 

1930 Laura Ingalls became the first woman to make a
transcontinental airplane flight. 

1931 Clyde Pangborn and Hugh Herndon landed in Washington after
flying non-stop across the Pacific Ocean. The flight originated
in Japan and took about 41 hours. 

1937 U.S. President Roosevelt called for a "quarantine" of
aggressor nations. 

1947 U.S. President Harry S Truman held the first televised
presidential address from the White House. The subject was the
current international food crisis. 

1969 A Cuban defector landed a Soviet-made MiG-17 at Homestead
Air Force Base in Florida. The plane entered U.S. air space and
landed without being detected. 

1969 "Monty Python's Flying Circus" debuted on BBC television. 

1970 Anwar Sadat took office as President of Egypt replacing
Gamal Abdel Nassar. Sadat was assassinated in 1981. 

1974 American David Kunst completed the first journey around the
world on foot. It took four years and 21 pairs of shoes. He
crossed four continents and walked 14,450 miles. 

1985 An Egyptian policeman went on a shooting rampage at a Sinai
beach. Seven Israeli tourists were killed. The policeman died in
prison the following January of an apparent suicide. 

1986 Sandinista soldiers captured American Eugene Hasenfus after
shooting him down over southern Nicaragua. 

1988 In a debate between candidates for vice president of the
U.S., Democratic Lloyd Bentsen told Republican Dan Quayle,
"You're no Jack Kennedy." 

1989 The Dalai Lama (Lhama Dhondrub, Tenzin Gyatso) was named the
winner of the Nobel Peace Prize for his nonviolent campaign to
end the Chinese domination of Tibet. Gyatso was the 15th Dalai
Lama. 

1991 Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev announced that his
country would cut its nuclear arsenal in response to the arms
reduction that was initiated by U.S. President George Bush. 

1993 China set off an underground nuclear explosion. 

1995 A 60-day cease-fire was agreed upon by Bonsian combatants.
The civil war had lasted 3 1/2 years. 

1997 In London, the Express Newspapers printed an article
claiming that Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman were homosexual and
that their marriage was a sham to cover the truth. The paper paid
damages in a settlement on October 29, 1998. 

1998 The U.S. paid $60 million for Russia's research time on the
international space station to keep the cash-strapped Russian
space agency afloat. 

1999 MCI Worldcom Inc. and Sprint Corp. announced plans to merge.


2006 Walmart rolled out its $4 generic drug program to the entire
state of Florida after a successful test in the Tampa area. 

2018  smiled.


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What is so bad about RoboForm? 




Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, October 4

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Brit who stabbed daughter in rage 
over ex’s new girlfriend is found guilty

______________________________________________________
Today, October 4 in
1535 The first complete English translation of the Bible 
was printed in Zurich, Switzerland. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say. --- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882) Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored. --- Aldous Huxley (1894 - 1963 ______________________________________________________ A visitor to a college campus paused to admire the new Hemingway Hall. "It's a pleasure to see a building named for Ernest Hemingway." "Actually," said the guide, "it's named for Joshua Hemingway. No relation." "Oh? Was Joshua Hemingway a writer also?" "Yes, indeed. He wrote a check." ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Dianne for this story: Husband: When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger? Wife: I clean the toilet... Husband: How does that help? Wife: I use your toothbrush.... _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A redneck had 3 daughters and one day, they all had a date on the same night. He decided to make sure that his daughters would be safe with the guys they were dating, he stayed out on the porch with a shotgun just to intimidate the guys into not trying anything. The first guy came up and said "Hi, My name is Joe, I take it slow, we're goin to a show, gotta go." The redneck thought he was an ok guy, so he let them go. About 5 minutes later, another guy came up and said, "My name is Bill, I live on the hill, we're goin to chill." The redneck thought he was cool, and let him go. About 5 minutes later, another guy came up and said, "My name is Chuck--" *BOOM!* ______________________________________________________ More help needed! _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by William Billingham, 55 Birmingham England Britain who stabbed daughter in rage over ex’s new girlfriend is found guilty William Billingham, 55, used a kitchen knife to kill Mylee Billingham after dragging her by the coat into his bungalow – moments after holding the blade to the neck of her mother, Tracey Taundry. A trial at Birmingham Crown Court heard how Miss Taundry dialled 999 from outside Billingham’s house in Brownhills, near Walsall, telling operators to hurry as Mylee was screaming ‘stop it daddy’. Jurors deliberated for around 80 minutes before unanimously convicting Billingham of murder and a separate charge of making a threat to kill 34-year-old Miss Taundry. He will be sentenced tomorrow. The unemployed factory worker opted not to give evidence, claiming he had no memory of stabbing Mylee through the chest, and was guilty of the lesser offence of manslaughter due to depression. But prosecutors argued that Billingham ‘turned his anger’ on Mylee to spite Miss Taundry after she began a same-sex relationship.
From Ethian Re: What is so bad about RoboForm? Dear Webby, You used to recommend RoboForm since the 90s, but seem to be utterly disenchanted now. What happened? Ethian Dear Ethian Any company with people, who have a brain the size of one Smartie, have a method to recover a lost password. RoboForm, while implying that they keep your passwords safe for you, so that you did not have to write them on the wall, instituted a new system with a Master Password, that they don't remember, and that you can not recover. If the post-it-note with your MasterPassword accidentally gets lost, ALL of your passwords are trashed. Gone. Not recoverable. They started getting flakey even before they did that, but their evil Master Password lunacy totally ruined their once good reputation. If you have to write the Master Password onto the wall, for everybody to see, what is the point of using passwords? And paying the idiots for their totally useless program? If you don't want to use the password managing provided by your browser, look for one that does not have a not recoverable master password. Right now I just use the password managing included in Chrome. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
On the first day of school, the kindergarten teacher said, "If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers." A little voice from the back of the room asked, "How will that help?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
>From Jack One October my wife and I spent a vacation on Washington's Olympic Peninsula. We were eager to visit the rain forests near the coast, but we heard that snow slides had made some of the roads impassable. Although apprehensive about the conditions we might run into, we drove on. Sure enough, we had gone only a short way up the High Rain Forest road when we saw a sign: "Ice 10 miles." Five miles farther on there was another: "Ice 5 miles." The next one was: "Ice 1/2 mile." We practically crept that half-mile. We came to the last sign. It was outside a small grocery, and it read: "Ice 75 cents." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Deals At Cellphone Stores I ended up going directly to the store when looking for a new cellphone provider. They matched the deal I found online, plus gave me an addition rebate on each phone. They were also able to transfer my existing numbers, something that was not allowed with the online retailers offer. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Amazing artistic cycling tricks by Viola Brand.
___________________________________________________ >From Petra When I was a 20-something college student, I became quite friendly with my study partner, a 64-year-old man, who had returned to school to finish his degree. He confessed, with a wink, that he had once thought more than friendship might be a possibility between us. "So what changed your mind?" I asked him. "I went to my doctor and asked if he thought a 40-year age difference between a man and woman was insurmountable. He looked at my chart and said, 'You're interested in someone who's 104?'" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
1535 The first complete English translation of the Bible was printed in Zurich, Switzerland. 1648 The first volunteer fire department was established in New York by Peter Stuyvesant. 1777 At Germantown, PA, Patriot forces and British forces both suffer heavy losses in battle. The battle was seen as British victory, which actually served as a moral boost to the Americans. 1876 AGGIES! The Agricultural and Mechanical College of Texas formally dedicated by Texas Gov. Richard Coke. It was the state's first venture into public higher education. The college opened for classed two days earlier. 1881 Edward Leveaux received a patent for the player piano. 1909 The first airship race in the U.S. took place in St. Louis, MO. 1915 The Dinosaur National Monument was established. The area covered part of Utah and Colorado. 1927 The first actual work of carving began on Mount Rushmore. 1931 The comic strip "Dick Tracy" made its debut in the Detroit Daily Mirror. The strip was created by Chester Gould. 1933 "Esquire" magazine was published for the first time. 1940 Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini met in the Alps at Brenner Pass. Hitler was seeking help from Italy to fight the British. 1957 The Soviet Union launched Sputnik I into orbit around the Earth. Sputnik was the first manmade satellite to enter space. Sputnik I fell out of orbit on January 4, 1958. 1992 The 16-year civil war in Mozambique ended. 1993 Russian Vice-President Alexander Rutskoi and Chairman Ruslan Khasbulatov surrendered to Boris Yeltsin after a ten-hour tank assault on the Russian White House. The two men had barricaded themselves in after Yeltsin called for general elections and dissolved the legislative body. 1993 Dozens of Somalis dragged an American soldier through the streets of Mogadishu. A videotape showed Michael Durant being taken prisoner by Somali militants. 1994 South African President Nelson Mandela was welcomed to the White House by U.S. President Clinton. 1997 Hundreds of thousands of men attended a Promise Keepers rally on the Mall in Washington, DC. 1998 The Vincent Van Gogh exhibit opened in Washington, DC. The exhibit featured 70 paintings. 1998 Davis Gaines performed as the Phantom in the show "Phantom of the Opera" for the 2,000th time. 2001 NATO granted the United States open access to their airfields and seaports and agreed to deploy ships and early- warning radar planes in the war on terrorism. 2001 In Washington, DC, Reagan National Airport re-opened. The airport had been closed since the terrorist attacks on the United States on September 11, 2001. 2004 SpaceShipOne reached an altitude of 368,000 feet. It was the first privately built, manned rocket ship to fly in space twice within a two week window. The ship won the Ansari X Prize of $10 million dollars for their success. 2018 smiled.


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How to get rid of RoboForm 




Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, October 3

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Man arrested for human trafficking when 
teen escapes to restaurant

______________________________________________________
Today, October 3 in
1893 The motor-driven vacuum cleaner was patented by J.S.
Thurman. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
If you live long enough, the venerability factor creeps in; first, you get accused of things you never did, and later, credited for virtues you never had. --- I. F. Stone (1907 - 1989) What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left. --- Oscar Levant If marriage were outlawed, then only outlaws would have inlaws. --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ >From Ben Discovering that I'd overslept, I abandoned my usual morning routine and rushed out. In the van, though, I realized I had time to stop for a take-out coffee. I got my coffee and returned to the van, only to find I had not only left it running but had locked it! The day was going from bad to worse. I returned to the shop, sheepishly explained my situation to the clerk and asked if I could borrow a broom. I managed to open a side window and pop the lock on the back door using the broom handle. When I returned the broom, the clerk said, "I know you're having a bad day, but..." "I know, I know," I interrupted. "You want to know how I can unlock my van with a broom." "No," she said. "I wanted to tell you that your shirt is on inside out." ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ We had just finished eating a beautiful dinner that my mother had prepared for our family. As I glanced up at the chandelier over the table, I was mesmerized by the creative handiwork a spider had woven around the prisms and lightbulbs. "Don't look up there!" My mother screamed. "It's the one thing I was too tired to clean!" "Don't look where?" My brother asked. "There!" My mother pointed. "It's my own personal web sight!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ I know my company has made a big effort to be family friendly, but I was baffled when I read this holiday an- nouncement posted on the bulletin board: "All employees are invited to the annual Christmas party. All children under the age of ten will receive a gift from Santa. Employees who have no children may bring grandchildren." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Katherine Nieves-Tavarez, 27, Vero Beach Florida Fla woman arrested for slashing boyfriend when he refused to have sex with her After her boyfriend repeatedly declined to have sex with her, a Florida woman grabbed a kitchen knife and slashed him multiple times in the face, according to police who arrested the alleged attacker on a felony battery charge. In response to a 911 call about a disturbance at a Vero Beach apartment, cops arrived at the residence around 3:30 AM Thursday and encountered Katherine Nieves-Tavarez at the front door. Nieves-Tavarez, 27, had blood on her clothing and hands, an arrest affidavit notes. Inside the apartment, cops reported, Nieves-Tavarez’s boyfriend was spotted falling to the floor “with blood covering his face.” Asked what happened to him, the man replied, “She hit me with a knife. I can’t see.” The victim went on to tell officers that Nieves-Tavarez, his live-in girlfriend, had been drinking and "asked to have sex, which he declined." The man added that “after declining multiple times,” Nieves-Tavarez “became angry and started yelling at him.” Nieves-Tavarez then allegedly retrieved a “large, silver kitchen knife” and followed the man outside to the patio. There, Nieves- Tavarez allegedly slashed the victim with the knife. When police questioned the man, he had “multiple lacerations to his face,” a torn shirt, and “redness around his neck and chest area.” The victim was subsequently transported to a hospital for treatment of his injuries. Seen above, Nieves-Tavarez was arrested and booked into the county jail on a felony charge of aggravated battery with a deadly weapon. She is being held in lieu of $15,000 bond and is scheduled for arraignment on October 31. A judge has ordered her to have no contact with the victim. Nieves-Tavarez was arrested in April 2017 on a misdemeanor domestic battery charge, but that case--which involved the same man--was eventually dismissed by prosecutors.
From Frank Re: Stop Roboform Dear Webby, Like you, I suffered a total RoboForm failure. I expected them to remember the Master Password. They didn't. They failed and took over 1000 passwords with them. Same as with you many of those passwords are ancient and no longer needed, but they destroyed all the new ones too. What a piece of @#$%^&*! And they are still sniveling about updating! Not bloody likely, Incompetent A**ho**s! How do I completely get rid of the useless piece of crap? Frank Dear Frank You are about as diplomatic as I was when they destroyed all of my passwords. Contact their support and tell them to cancel all of your accounts. Also check your auto-pay entries iun your PayPal. Then use REVO Uninstaller to get their crap off your machine. If you don't have it yet, it is at Revo Uninstaller Try the PRO Free Trial. It is not a 2 second fix, but it scans your entire machine and removes any trace of the crap. That takes a few minutes. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Jimmie, an 80-year-old gentleman, retired to Florida after his wife of 58 years had passed away. He was quite alone in the world and longed for companionship. One day, as he was walking through a public park, he spied what he considered to be a very pretty silver-haired lady sitting alone on a park bench. Getting his nerve up, he approached the lady and asked graciously, "Pardon me, ma'am, but may I sit here with you." The silver-haired Marcia looked up to see a distinguished looking white-haired gentleman and replied, "Why certainly," and scooted over gently to give him room to sit down. For the next two hours the two sat and talked about everything. They discovered that they came from the same part of the country, liked the same big band music, voted for the same presidential candidates, had long happy marriages and lost their spouses in the last year, and in general agreed about almost everything. Finally, the old gentleman cleared his throat and asked sheepishly, "Ma' am, may I ask you two questions?" With great anticipation Marcia replied, "Why certainly!" The old gentleman removed a handkerchief from his coat pocket and spread it out on the ground before her. He very gingerly got down on one knee and looked her softly in the eyes. "Marcia, I know we've only known each other for a couple of hours, but we have so much in common. I feel I have known you all my life. Will you marry me and be my wife?" Marcia grabbed at Jimmie's hands and said, "Why, yes, I will marry you! You have made me so very happy!" She reached over and kissed him gently on the cheek. Then Marcia said, "You said you had two questions to ask me. What is the second question?" Jimmie scratched his neck and said, "Will you help me get up?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Thanks to Connie for this story: My uncle Joe and his best buddy, Bubba, went hunting a couple of weeks ago. Somehow they got lost. Uncle Joe reassured his buddy, though. "Don't worry. All we have to do is shoot into the air three times, stay where we are, and someone will find us." They shot in the air three times, but no one came. After a while, they tried it again. Still no response. When they decided to try once more, Bubba said, "It better work this time. We're down to our last three arrows." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Frugal Costume: Ninja! A tourist was admiring the necklace worn by a local Indian. "What is it made of?" she asked. "Alligator's teeth," the Indian replied. "I suppose," she said patronizingly, "that they mean as much to you as pearls do to us." "Yes, they do, brave oyster wrestler!" Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Photos of wearable art competition. (Well, it's almost Halloween...)
___________________________________________________ GROAN ALERT One day in the forest, three animals were discussing who among them was the most powerful. "I am," said the hawk, "because I can fly and swoop down swiftly at my prey." "That's nothing," said the mountain lion, "I am not only fleet, but I have powerful teeth and claws." "I am the most powerful," said the skunk, "because with a flick of my tail, I can drive off the two of you." Just then a huge grizzly bear lumbered out of the forest and settled the debate by eating them all. . . . hawk, lion, and stinker. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
>From Michael DRAWBACKS OF WORKING IN A CUBICLE [Or, "Welcome to my life."] * Not being able to check E-mail attachments without first seeing who's behind you. * Fabric walls offer little protection from gunfire, or farts. * The walls are too close together for the hammock to work right. * Prison cells are not only bigger, they have beds. * When you quit and walk out, there's no door to slam. * Being told to "think outside the box" when you're in a freakin' box all day long. * 23 power cords - 1 outlet. * The carpet has been there since 1976 (or longer) and shows more signs of life than your coworkers. * Everybody steals everybody elses pot-it-notes, to take home. * The bolted on fingerprint activated gun safe on your desk is for pens qand post-it-notes. * If you talk to yourself it causes all the surrounding cubicle inhabitants to pop their heads over the wall and say "What? I didn't hear you." * Whenever you go get some water or coffee, your waste basket mysteriously fills up in your absence. * You always have the feeling that someone is watching you, but by the time you turn to look they're gone. ____________________________________________________

Today, October 3 in
1863 U.S. President Lincoln declared that the last Thursday of
November would be recognized as Thanksgiving Day. 

1893 The motor-driven vacuum cleaner was patented by J.S.
Thurman. 

1901 The Victor Talking Machine Company was incorporated. After a
merger with Radio Corporation of America the company became RCA-
Victor. 

1906 W.T. Grant opened a 25-cent department store. 

1922 Rebecca L. Felton became the first female to hold office of
U.S. Senator. She was appointed by Governor Thomas W. Hardwick of
Georgia to fill a vacancy. 

1929 The Kingdom of Serbs, Croats and Slovenes officially changed
its name to the Kingdom of Yugoslavia. 

1932 Iraq was admitted into the League of Nations leading Britain
to terminate their mandate over the nation. Britain had ruled
Iraq since taking it from Turkey during World War I. 

1935 Italian forces invaded Abyssinia (now Ethiopia). 

1941 Adolf Hitler stated in a speech that Russia was "broken" and
they "would never rise again." 

1942 The Office of Economic Stabilization was established by U.S.
President Franklin D. Roosevelt. He also authorized controls on
rents, wages, salaries and farm prices. 

1944 During World War II, U.S. troops broke through the Siegfried
Line. 

1951 CBS-TV aired the first coast-to-coast telecast of a
prizefight. Dave Sands defeated Carl Olson at Soldier Field in
Chicago. 

1952 Britain became the third nuclear power in the world when
they successfully detonated their first atomic bomb. The U.S. and
Russia were the only other nuclear powers. 

1955 "Captain Kangaroo" premiered on CBS-TV. 

1962 The Sigma VII blasted off from Cape Canaveral for a nine-
hour flight. 

1981 Irish Nationalists in Maze Prison in Belfast, Northern
Ireland called off their hunger strike. The strike had lasted 7
months and ten people had died. 

1988 The space shuttle Discovery landed safely after its four-day
mission. It was the first American shuttle mission since the
Challenger disaster. 

1989 East Germany suspended unrestricted travel to Czechoslovakia
in an effort to slow the flow of refugees to the West. 

1990 The Berlin Wall was dismantled eleven months after the
borders between East and West Germany were dissolved. The
unification of Germany ended 45 years of division. 

1990 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein made a visit to Kuwait since
his country had seized control of the oil-rich nation. 

1994 The headquarters of the Haitian pro-army militia was raided
by U.S. soldiers. 

2003 Ray Horn, of the duo "Siegfried & Roy," was attacked by
tiger during a performance. Roy survived the attack after being
dragged offstage. The tiger, a 7-year-old male named Montecore,
was debuting in his first show. 

2006 North Korea announced that it would conduct a nuclear test
as a key step in the manufacture of atomic bombs that it viewed
as a deterrent against a U.S. attack. A date for the test was not
announced. 

2018  smiled.


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Out-going mystery stuff 




Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, October 2

What really surprised me was that Broom Hilda made absolutely no
comment in the phony Kavenaugh accusation circus.
Does she too already know it will seriously backfire?
When the shit hits the fan, she will be high and dry and smiling.

Did anybody notice that while the Anti-American media was
imitating a herd of hysterical chihuahuas outside of the fence
where the cat sleeps, trying desperately to slander Kavanaugh, 
Trump quietly renegotiated NAFTA and even got Trudeau to sign.
NAFTA is saved!

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Man arrested for human trafficking when 
teen escapes to restaurant

______________________________________________________
Today, October 2 in
1962 U.S. ports were closed to nations that allowed their ships
to carry arms to Cuba, ships that had docked in a socialist
country were prohibited from docking in the United States during
that voyage, and the transport of U.S. goods was banned on ships
owned by companies that traded with Cuba. 
Bernie is still a Socialist.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress. --- John Adams (1735 - 1826) Mediocrity knows nothing higher than itself, but talent instantly recognizes genius. --- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (1859 - 1930) ______________________________________________________ Lisa and Linda are walking down the street. Lisa finds a little mirror, and looks in it. She looks again, and again. Puzzled, she says to her friend, "I just know I've seen this face before!" "Give it to me", says linda. She looks in the mirror and says, "Of course you have, silly! It's me!" ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ While rummaging through his attic a man found a shoe-repair ticket that was five years old. Figuring that he had nothing to lose, he went to the shop and presented the ticket to the pro- prietor, who reluctantly began a search for the unclaimed shoes. After ten minutes, the owner reappeared and handed back the ticket. "Well," asked the customer, "did you find the shoes?" "Yes," replied the owner, "they'll be ready Tuesday." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ "Son, I just know you'll do the right thing by this little girl," said the preacher. "You just marry her, and you'll be at the end of your troubles." So he did the right thing, and he married the girl, and about six months later when he saw the preacher again he tried to murder him. "You miserable liar!" shouted the young man. "You told me if I married her, I would be at the end of my troubles. Well, I married her, and she has made my life miserable." "That may be true, son, but you can't blame me," replied the minister. "I said you'd be at the end of your troubles, but I never said which end." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Patrick McManus, 25, Charlotte, North Carolina Man arrested for human trafficking w hen teen escapes to restaurant Andre Davis said he was working at Captain D's in Charlotte, North Carolina, when a 17-year-old girl ran inside. Police said 25-year-old Patrick McManus has been arrested after he reportedly forced the teenage girl into his car and assaulted her. McManus is charged with kidnapping and human trafficking. “He was following her, and my manager told him, ‘No, you're not allowed in the girls’ bathroom,’” Davis said. “Everybody was panicking. They didn't know if he had a gun. Like, it was crazy in here." Police said they were called to a motel on Reagan Drive around 4:50 p.m. Friday for a report of a 17-year-old who had been assaulted and kidnapped. Officers said the victim and suspect left before they arrived. Officers were then called to the Captain D’s around 5:38 p.m. The 911 caller said a woman who had been kidnapped was inside the restaurant. Police said officers located the victim and McManus, who was arrested on the scene. "The manager grabbed cleaning supplies to act like she was cleaning the bathroom the whole time when I was on the phone with police," Davis said. The Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department's Human Trafficking Unit was brought in to investigate and found the 17-year-old victim had known McManus for less than a week. Police said the girl told them she was staying at the nearby Royal Inn, where McManus was also staying. Court documents show the teen said McManus told her he loved her, but he was physically abusive and forced her into prostitution so he could buy drugs. “That's crazy,” Davis said. "At a young age, that's real, that's real bad." The girl told detectives that McManus demanded she work as a prostitute to earn him money. She said when she refused, he threatened and assaulted her. She told police she lied to McManus and tried to hide, but he found her, choked her and forced her into his car while he was holding a Taser. The victim was taken to a hospital for non-life-threatening injuries. "Nobody would want that to happen to their kid,” Davis said. Detectives said the teen put up a fight for more than 2 miles and attempted to jump out of the moving car. "About a minute after I got off the phone, the police (were) here,” Davis said. Police said McManus was being taken to the Mecklenburg County Jail after his interview when he was able to move his handcuffed hands to the front of his body and assault the officer who was driving. Police said he spit on two officers that responded and kicked the patrol car door. McManus was eventually restrained. Police said McManus had minor injuries after the incident and was taken to Novant Health for evaluation. McManus is charged with kidnapping, human trafficking, assault on a female, assault by strangulation, assault on a government official, damage to property, two counts of malicious conduct by a prisoner, resisting and promoting prostitution. He is in jail on a $120,000 bond.
From Helen Re: Outgoing mystery stuff Dear Webby, Norton keeps alerting me that WINTOOLS.EXE and IEXPLORESKINS.EXE are attempting to access the internet. They are both listed as Medium Risk. Since I don't know what they are, I have come to the master to ask if I should permanently block them or if they are useful and should be allowed. Thanks once again for you help! Helen Dear Helen If medium risk (or any risk) stuff is trying to get from your machine out onto the Internet, then obviously your machine is infected with them. I don't use Norton because it doesn't stop stuff like that from coming in in the first place. Try running Spybot-Search&Destroy, update it to it's newest version, and see if that will find those things. To me they sound a lot more like malicious spyware than viruses, and just want to report your bra size, weight, visa numbers and stuff like that. Please let me know if Spybot-Search&Destroy catches them or if you need even bigger ammunition for that. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Thanks to Ross for this story: A Welsh farmer walking through his field, notices a man drinking out of a pond. The Welsh farmer shouted: "Paid a yfed a dwr, maer gwerthin wedi cachu un a for." This means: “Don’t drink the water the cows have dumped into it." The man shouts back: "I'm a Muslim, I don't understand. Please speak in English." The Welsh farmer says: "Use two hands, they hold more!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Marge was telling her friend Grace how she gets her son out of bed in the morning. "I just open his door and toss the cat on his bed. He sleeps with his dog." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Frugal Costume: Ninja! Wear all black with a black sash to wear as a belt. Cut a hole big enough for your eyes in black fabric and tie it loosely around your head. Children should also be outfitted with reflective tape on the front and back if they are going to be trick-or-treating outside. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
The Ames window optical illusion.
___________________________________________________ A woman was worried whether or not her dead husband made it to heaven, so she decided to try to contact his spirit by having a seance. Sure enough, after the usual mumbo-jumbo of calling to the spirits, her husband's voice was heard answering, "Hello Margaret, this is meeee..." " "Fred," she answered. "I just have to know if you're happy there in the afterlife. What's it like there?" "Ooooooh, it's much more beautiful here than I ever imagined," Fred answered. "The sky is bluer, the air is cleaner, and the pastures are much more lush and green than I ever expected. And the only thing we do all day long, are eat and sleep, eat and sleep, over and over." "Thank God, you made it to heaven," his wife cried. "Heaven?" he answered. "What heaven? I'm a buffalo in Montana." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A man was in his usual place, sitting at the table, reading the newspaper during breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress who was about to marry a football player, who was known primarily for his lack of IQ and common knowledge. He turned to his wife with a look of bewilderment on his face and said, "I'll never understand why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives" His wife said, "Why, thank you, dear!" ____________________________________________________

Today, October 2 in
1492 King Henry VII of England invaded France. 

1780 British army major John Andre was hanged as a spy. He was
carrying information about the actions of Benedict Arnold. 

1835 The first battle of the Texas Revolution took place near the
Guadalupe River when American settlers defeated a Mexican
cavalry
unit. 

1836 Charles Darwin returned to England after 5 years of
acquiring knowledge around the world about fauna, flora, wildlife
and geology. He used the information to develop his "theory of
evolution" which he unveiled in his 1859 book entitled The Origin
of Species by Means of Natural Selection. 

1870 Rome was made the capital of Italy. 

1876 The Agricultural and Mechanical College of Texas opened. It
was the state's first venture into public higher education. The
school was formally dedicated 2 days later by Texas Gov. Richard
Coke. 

1924 The Geneva Protocol adopted the League of Nations. 

1925 Scottish inventor John Logie Baird completed the first
transmission of moving images. 

1937 Warner Bros. released "Love Is on the Air." Ronald Reagan
made his acting debut in the motion picture. He was 26 years old.


1941 Operation Typhoon was launched by Nazi Germany. The plan was
an all-out offensive against Moscow. 

1944 The Nazis crushed the Warsaw Uprising. 

1947 The Federatino Internationale de l'Automobile (FIA) formally
established Formula One racing in Grand Prix competition. 

1950 "Peanuts," the comic strip created by Charles M. Schulz, was
published for the first time in seven newspapers. 

1958 Guinea, the French colony in West Africa, proclaimed its
independence. Sekou Toure was the first president of the Republic
of Guinea. 

1962 U.S. ports were closed to nations that allowed their ships
to carry arms to Cuba, ships that had docked in a socialist
country were prohibited from docking in the United States during
that voyage, and the transport of U.S. goods was banned on ships
owned by companies that traded with Cuba. 

1967 Thurgood Marshall was sworn in. He was the first African-
American member of the U.S. Supreme Court. 

1988 Pakistan's Supreme Court ordered free elections. 

1989 In Leipzig, East Germany a protest took place demanding the
legalization of opposition groups and the adoption of democratic
reforms. 

1990 The Allies ceded their rights to areas they occupied in
Germany. 

1993 Opponents of Russian President Boris Yeltsin fought police
and set up burning barricades. 

1998 Hawaii sued petroleum companies, claiming state drivers were
overcharged by about $73 million a year in price-fixing. 

1998 About 10,000 Turkish soldiers crossed into northern Iraq and
attacked Kurdish rebels. 

2001 NATO, for the first time, invoked a treaty clause that
stated that an attack on one member is an attack on all members.
The act was in response to the September 11, 2001, terrorist
attacks in the United States. 

2015 The reorganization of Google into Alphabet Inc. was
completed. Alphabet became the parent company of Google and
several other companies previosly owned by Google. 

2018  smiled.


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Phony PayPal emails 




Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, October 1

Today in 1992 Moscow banks distributed privatization vouchers
aimed at turning millions of Russian communists into capitalists.
26 years ago Russia gave up on Communism. 
Will somebody please tell Broom Hilda and Bernie?

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Florida grandmother pops out teeth to scare 
off nude man on back porch. He is in jail now.
Recovering from the fright.

______________________________________________________
Today, October 1 in
2001 San Francisco's Board of Supervisors voted unanimously to
ban Internet filters designed to keep pornography away from
children at city libraries. The board left the decision up to the
Library Commission to decide whether to install filtering
software in children's areas. A federal law in the U.S. mandated
the use of the filters. 
San Francisco decided to provide sanctuary to child porno.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right. --- Isaac Asimov (1920 - 1992) The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it. --- Doug Larson ______________________________________________________ The young immigrant couple had just left the courthouse after being sworn in as American citizens. "It is wonderful," the husband exclaimed. "We are American citizens at last! Do you know what this means to us my dear wife?" "Yes, you male chauvinist pig," his wife replied. "Tonight, you cook dinner and I get on top...!" ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden he said out loud, "Lord grant me one wish." Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish". The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over anytime I want to." The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me." The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I have been married and divorced four times. All of my wives said that I am uncaring and insensitive. I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say "nothing" and how I can make a woman truly happy." After a few minutes God said, "Divorcing them works for most, but unfortunately not all. Do you want two lanes or four on that silly bridge?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ John asks his wife, Mary what she wants to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary. "Would you like a new Mink Coat?" he asks. "Not really," says Mary. "Well how about a new Mercedes sports car?" says John. "No," she responds. "What about a new vacation home in the country?" he suggests. She again rejects his offer with a "No thanks." "Well what would you like for your anniversary?" John asks. "John, I'd like a divorce," answers Mary. "Sorry, I wasn't planning to spend quite that much," says John. ______________________________________________________ Usual practise in Britain is to bounce a vehicle out of the way, paint the new lines, then bounce the vehicle back on top of the new lines, and issue a parking ticket. This vehicle must have been too heavy for the yobs. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Axel Rivera, 28, Titusville, Florida Florida grandmother pops out teeth to scare off nude man on back porch. He is in jail now. Recovering from the fright. Facebook A grandmother in Titusville, Florida, opened her blinds early Friday morning, expecting to see her cat on the back porch, only to see a nude man standing there, according to police. Axel Rivera, 28, was wearing a two-piece jail outfit and a pair of flip-flops when he faced a judge Friday afternoon on charges of burglary and exposing sexual organs. That’s three more items of clothing than Titusville police said Rivera was wearing when he was discovered on Pennelope Pettersen’s screened porch around 2 a.m. “I always look first. I opened the blinds and said, ‘What the hell? That’s not my cat,’” said Pettersen. Pettersen, who once worked in security and law enforcement, decided she’d give the intruder a fright. She popped out her teeth. “Grandma no teeth!” she shouted. Rivera’s is held at the Brevard County jail on $20,000 bail.
From Gerry Re: Phoney PayPal mails Dear Webby, I know you mentioned phoney PayPal letters a few times, but I never paid attention because then I didn't have a paypal account. Now I do and today I got an email that looks like it is from Paypal and that asks me to verify details about my account. But it was sent to my other address, not the one I use for PayPal. What's the proper procedure? Gerry Dear Gerry PayPal NEVER asks you to submit any information via email. NEVER click on any links in mails pretending to be from PayPal. If you have MailWasher, then you can see in the preview details that underneath what looks like a link to PayPal, the link actually goes to some number domain. With some email programs you can see those numbers in the status line when you hover the mouse over the link. Real PayPal mail never has links except to https://www.paypal.com They just tell you to log in normally and go to this or that department. If you get phoney PayPal mails, expose the header and forward the mail to spoof@paypal.com Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A recently divorced woman is walking along the beach contemplating how badly treated she got over the divorce settlement, when she spies a magic lamp washing up onshore. She rubs the lamp, and out pops a magical genie!! The genie notices her anger and lets her vent her troubles to him. As a consolation, the genie informs her that he will give her three wishes. But, he cautions her that because he does not believe in divorce, he will give her ex-husband ten times the amount of whatever she wishes. The woman is steaming mad, thinking that this is hardly fair, but she makes her first wish. The first wish was for a billion dollars. The genie grants her wish and she finds herself sitting in pile of one billion one-dollar bills. The genie then reminds her that her husband is now the recipient of 10 billion dollars. The woman can barely contain her anger when she makes her second wish. The second wish was for a beautiful mansion on the shore of her own private beach. In an instant it was granted, but the genie then reminds again that her ex- husband now owns ten of what she wished for, and points out at the beach to a small development of ten such mansions. Upon hearing this, the woman takes her time to contemplate her last wish. Just as the genie was about to give up on her, the woman informs the genie that she wants to make the last wish. But, before she can do this, the genie again warns her that her ex- husband will get ten times what she wishes for. "No problem," said the woman as she grinned in ecstasy. "For my last wish ... I'd like to give birth to twins."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
These were actual things that kids have said about our various phenomena of the world...you gotta love them! *Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they're there. *Some oxygen molecules help fires burn while others help make water, so sometimes it's brother against brother. *Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. But I have never been able to make out the numbers. *We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on. *In looking at a drop of water under a microscope, we find there are twice as many H's as O's. *Clouds just keep circling the earth around and around. And around. There is not much else to do. *Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it is big enough to be called a drop, it does. *We keep track of the humidity in the air so we won't drown when we breathe. *Rain is often known as soft water, oppositely known as hail. *In some rocks you can find the fossil footprints of fishes. *A blizzard is when it snows sideways. *A monsoon is a French gentleman. *Thunder is a rich source of loudness. *Isotherms and isobars are even more important than their names sound. *It is so hot in some places that the people there have to live in other places. *The wind is like the air, only pushier. ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Meatloaf Muffins To make meatloaf in convenient serving sizes, make your favorite meatloaf recipe in muffin tins. The meatloaf will cook faster and it's the perfect size for freezing. Then just serve a meatloaf muffin to each person. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Best of the week, People Are Awesome!
___________________________________________________ A young Jewish mom walks her son to the school bus corner on his first day of kindergarten. "Behave, my bubaleh" she says. "Take good care of yourself and think about your Mother, tataleh!" "And come right back home on the bus, schein kindaleh." "Mommy loves you a lot, my ketsaleh!" At the end of the school day the bus comes back and she runs to her son on and hugs him. "So tell mommy. . . what did my pupaleh learn on his first day of school?" The boy answers, "I've learned that my name is Melvin." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A very thirsty man goes into a bar. He sits down and waits for the bartender to see him. The man next to him calls for the bartender saying, "I'll have another waterloo." The bartender gives him a tall, ice cold drink, then asks the newcomer what he would like to drink. Wanting to try this new drink, he says, "I'll have a waterloo too." The bartender gives him a tall, ice cold drink. The man takes a big drink from the glass and says, "HEY! This isn't any good. It tastes just like water!" The man next to him looks at the bartender and says, "Well, it is water . . . right Lou? ____________________________________________________

Today, October 1 in
1569 The Duke of Norfolk was imprisoned by Britain's Queen
Elizabeth for trying to marry Mary the Queen of Scots. 

1800 Spain ceded the territory of Louisiana back to France. Later
the property would be purchased by the U.S. effectively doubling
its size. 

1880 Thomas Edison began the commercial production of electric
lamps at Edison Lamp Works in Menlo Park. 

1890 The U.S. Congress passed the McKinley Tariff Act. The act
raised tariffs to a record level. 

1896 Rural Free Delivery was established by the U.S. Post Office.


1908 The Model T automobile was introduced by Henry Ford. The
purchase price of the car was $850. 

1918 Damascus was captured from the Turks during World War I by a
force made up of British and Arab forces. 

1936 General Francisco Franco was proclaimed the head of the
Spanish state. 

1938 German forces enter Czechoslovakia and seized control of the
Sudetenland. The Munich Pact had been signed two days before. 

1940 The Pennsylvania Turnpike opened as the first toll
superhighway in the United States. 

1943 Naples was captured by the Allied forces during World War
II. 

1946 The International War Crimes Tribunal in Nuremberg sentenced
12 Nazi officials to death. Seven others were sentenced to prison
terms and 3 were acquitted. 

1949 Mao Tse-tung raised the first flag of the People's Republic
of China when the communist forces had defeated the Nationalists.
The Nationalist forces fled to Taiwan. 

1964 The Free Speech Movement was started at the University of
California at Berkeley. 

1972 The Chinese government approved friendly relations with the
United States. 

1979 The United States handed control of the Canal Zone over to
Panama. 

1980 Robert Redford became the first male to appear alone on the
cover of "Ladies' Home Journal." He was the only male to achieve
this in 97 years. 

1982 EPCOT (Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow) Center
opened in Florida. The concept was planned by Walt Disney. 

1985 The PLO's headquarters in Tunisia was raided by Israeli jet
fighters. 

1988 Mikhail Gorbachev assumed the Soviet presidency. 

1989 7,000 East Germans were welcomed into West Germany after
they were allowed to leave by the communist government. 

1990 U.S. President George H.W. Bush addressed the U.N. General
Assembly and once again condemned Iraq's takeover of Kuwait. 

1990 In Croatia, minority Serbs proclaimed autonomy. 

1991 U.S. President Bush condemned the military coup in Haiti
that removed President Jean-Bertrand Aristide from power. U.S.
economic and military aid was suspended. 

1991 The U.S. trust territory of Palau became independent. 

1992 The Strategic Arm Reduction Treaty was approved by the U.S.
Senate. 

1994 The U.S. and Japan avoided a trade war by reaching a series
of trade agreements. 

1994 The National Hockey League (NHL) team owners began a lockout
of the players that lasted 103 days. 

1995 Sheik Omar Abdel-Rahman and nine other defendants were
convicted in New York of conspiring to attack the U.S. through
bombings, kidnappings and assassinations. 

1996 Lucent Technologies became an independent company. 

1998 The U.S. government posted a $2.2 million reward for the
capture of Augustin Vasquez Mendoza. He is accused of killing an
undercover U.S. agent during a drug purchase in 1994. 

1999 The 50th anniversary of the founding of the Peoples Republic
of China was celebrated in Beijing. 

2001 San Francisco's Board of Supervisors voted unanimously to
ban Internet filters designed to keep pornography away from
children at city libraries. The board left the decision up to the
Library Commission to decide whether to install filtering
software in children's areas. A federal law in the U.S. mandated
the use of the filters. 

2009 In the United Arab Emirates, the exterior construction of
the Burj Khalifa skyscraper was completed. 

2018  smiled.


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Can you run Spybot anhd Malwarebytes simultaneously? 




Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, September 30

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award: 

AZ mom arrested for leaving 4-year-old 
daughter home alone while she went partying

______________________________________________________
Today, September 30 in
1992 Moscow banks distributed privatization vouchers aimed at
turning millions of Russian communists into capitalists. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like. --- Jackie Mason (1934 - ) Say what you will about the Ten Commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them. --- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) A new survey found that the country with the highest number of contented citizens in the world is Mexico. Apparently, this is because everybody who was unhappy in Mexico has moved to Los Angeles. --- Conan O'Brien ______________________________________________________ >From Boris My partner and I were in our police car when we were dispatched to break up a domestic dispute. We spoke with the couple and the problem was quickly resolved. On leaving, I was admiring the craftsmanship of their turn-of-the-century home and reached for what I thought was the front door. Realizing my mistake, I was turning away in embarrassment when I heard my partner say: "If you have any more problems, we'll be in your closet." ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Tony, having his second son christened, was much concerned about getting the correct name on the birth certificate. "Will you please name the baby just as I give it to you?" "Certainly," answered the minister, "why shouldn't I?" "Well you see, it's like this," replied Tony. "When I told you I wanted to name my first boy Tom, you wrote on his birth certificate 'Thomas.' This boy I want to name Jack." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ I was on vacation, playing the slot machines. It was my first time in a casino, and I wasn't sure how the machines operated. "Excuse me." I said to a casino employee. "How does this work?" The worker showed me how to insert a bill, hit the spin button, and operate the release handle. "And where does the money come out?" I asked. He smiled and motioned to a far wall before saying, "Usually at the ATM." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Alexandra Rose Ciliento, 29, Scottsdale, Arizona AZ mom arrested for leaving 4-year-old daughter home alone while she went partying A 29-year-old woman is accused of leaving her 4-year-old daughter home alone to go partying in Scottsdale, police said in court records. The little girl knocked on a neighbor's door at about 6:30 a.m. Sunday and told them her mother, Alexandra Rose Ciliento, wasn't home, according to police. Authorities said it turned out that mom had been gone overnight. The neighbor told police they waited with the girl for about 45 minutes with no sign of her mother before calling 911. Officers were able to reach Ciliento at 8:20 a.m. after obtaining her number from the child's father. When she returned home, she told Scottsdale police she left her apartment near Bell and Pima roads at 11 p.m. Saturday for the Scottsdale entertainment district. "No plan was set in place to have the child watched by a family member or guardian. Nor was there any attempt made to secure a babysitter," police said in court records. Ciliento was not aware that her child could open a locked door and leave the residence, court records state. Ciliento is facing one felony count of child abuse. The Department of Child Safety was contacted by police after her arrest, records add.
>From Richi Re: Spybot and Malwarebytes Dear Webby, I might have asked you this before,but how ofter do you run Spybot?is it okay to run malware bytes together?spybot seems toscan slower...tyvm for all the answers and help its gr8tly appreciated Richi Hi Richi I run Spybot about once a month or when I suspect any spyware. No, I would not run both at the same time. They would slow things down too much to be able to continue working without a lot of cussing. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Officers at a military installation were being lectured about a new computer. The training officer said the computer was able to withstand nuclear and chemical attacks. Suddenly, he saw that one of the officers had a cup of coffee and yelled, "There will be no eating or drinking in this room! You'll have to get rid of that coffee." The officer said meekly, "Sure, but why?" "Because a coffee spill could short the keyboard and wipe out all of the data!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Most people assume WWJD is for "What would Jesus do?" But the initials really stand for "What would Jesus drive?" One theory is that Jesus would tool around in an old Plymouth because "the Bible says God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury." But in Psalm 83, the Almighty clearly owns a Pontiac and a Geo. The passage urges the Lord to "pursue your enemies with your Tempest and terrify them with your Storm." Perhaps God favors Dodge pickup trucks, because Moses' followers are warned not to go up a mountain "until the Ram's horn sounds a long blast." Some scholars insist that Jesus drove a Honda but didn't like to talk about it. As proof, they cite a verse in St. John's gospel where Christ tells the crowd, "For I did not speak of my own Accord." Meanwhile, Moses rode an old British motorcycle, as evidenced by a Bible passage declaring that "the roar of Moses' Triumph is heard in the hills." Joshua drove a Triumph sports car with a hole in its muffler: "Joshua's Triumph was heard throughout the land."And, following the Master's lead, the Apostles car pooled in a Honda: "The Apostles were in one Accord." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Cover Windows With Plastic Put plastic over your windows in the cold months, especially if you have single pane windows.. You would be surprised how much cold air gets through your seals in an older home. It is especially true this year with energy costs likely to go through the roof. The kits for that are pretty well impossible to find nowadays, but you can use pallet-wrap. It is just shrink wrap on 3 or 4 foot wide rolls, used to wrap around loaded pallets to keep everything together and protected. You can get that and wide scotch tape at warehousing needs suppliers. DearWebby Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
10 Unsolved Mysteries From The Middle Ages That Still Baffle Experts Today
___________________________________________________ The Eyeglass Prescription for women Don't wear your glasses on a blind date. You'll look better, and he will too. The Psychological Prognosis: Love is a form of temporary insanity curable only by marriage. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Since another church member, Bonnie, had mentioned that she and her husband were struggling with a big decision on whether they should become missionaries, my friend offered to include them on the prayer list. So at the meeting, my friend announced in front of the whole congregation, "Let's all pray that Bonnie and Lee can make a decision about the missionary position." ____________________________________________________

Today, September 30 in
1399 Henry Bolingbroke became the King of England as Henry IV. 

1777 The Congress of the United States moved to York, PA, due to
advancing British forces. 

1787 The Columbia left Boston and began the trip that would make
it the first American vessel to sail around the world. 

1846 Dr. William Morton performed a painless tooth extraction
after administering ether to a patient. 

1868 Spain's Queen Isabella was deposed and fled to France. 

1882 In Appleton, WI, the world's first hydroelectric power plant
began operating. 

1938 The Munich Conference ended with a decision to appease Adolf
Hitler. Britain, and France allowed Czechoslovakia's Sudetenland
to be repatriated by the Nazis. It had been taken away as part of
the punishment for losing WWI.

1946 An international military tribunal in Nuremberg, Germany,
found 22 top Nazi leaders guilty of war crimes. 

1949 The Berlin Airlift came to an end. The airlift had taken 2.3
million tons of food into the western sector despite the Soviet
blockade. 

1954 The U.S. Navy commissioned the Nautilus submarine at Groton,
CT. It was the first atomic-powered vessel. The submarine had
been launched on January 21, 1954. 

1962 James Meredith succeeded in registering at the University of
Mississippi. It was his fourth attempt to register. 

1963 The Soviet Union publicly declared itself on the side of
India in their dispute with Pakistan over Kashmir. 

1966 Albert Speer and Baldur von Schirach were released at
midnight from Spandau prison after completing their 20-year
sentences. Speer was the Nazi minister of armaments and von
Schirach was the founder of Hitler Youth. 

1971 The Soviet Union and the United States signed pacts that
were aimed at avoiding an accidental war. 

1971 A committee of nine people was organized to investigate the
prison riot at Attica, NY. 10 hostages and 32 prisoners were
killed when National Guardsmen stormed the prison on September
13, 1971. 

1976 California enacted the Natural Death Act of California. The
law was the first example of right-to-die legislation in the U.S.


1980 Israel issued its new currency, the shekel, to replace the
pound. 

1983 The first AH-64 Apache attack helicopter was rolled out by
McDonnell Douglas Helicopter Company. 

1986 The U.S. released accused Soviet spy Gennadiy Zakharov, one
day after Nicholas Daniloff had been released by the Soviets. 

1987 Mikhail S. Gorbachev retired President Andrei A. Gromyko
from the Politburo and fired other old-guard leaders in a shake-
up at the Kremlin. 

1989 Tens of thousands of East Germans began emigrating under an
accord between the NATO nations and the Soviet Union. 

1989 Non-Communist Cambodian guerrillas claimed that they had
captured 3 towns and 10 other positions from the residing
government forces. 

1990 The Soviet Union and South Korea opened diplomatic
relations. 

1991 Haiti's first freely elected president, Jean-Bertrand
Aristide, was overthrown by Brigadier General Raoul Cedras.
Aristide was later returned to power. 

1992 Moscow banks distributed privatization vouchers aimed at
turning millions of Russian communists into capitalists. 

1994 The space shuttle Endeavor took off on an 11-day mission.
Part of the mission was to use a radar instrument to map remote
areas of the Earth. 

1997 France's Roman Catholic Church apologized for its silence
during the persecution and deportation of Jews by the pro-Nazi
Vichy regime. 

1999 In Tokaimura, Japan, radiation escaped a nuclear facility
after workers accidentally set off an uncontrolled nuclear chain
reaction. 

2014 Amazon filed for a patent for a UAV (unmanned aerial
vehicle) configured to autonomously deliver items to customers.
The patent was related to Amazon's plan for their Prime Air
service. 

2018  smiled.


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Best Free Fax program 




Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, September 29

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Driving with revoked license, 
carrying stolen gun and dope

______________________________________________________
Today, September 29 in
1977 Eva Shain became the first woman to officiate a heavyweight
title boxing match. About 70 million people watched Muhammad Ali
defeat Ernie Shavers on NBC-TV. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
There art two cardinal sins from which all others spring: Impatience and Laziness. --- Franz Kafka (1883 - 1924) ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Craig for this one: Like a lot of married men, I got the "You just don't appreciate me" speech once from Juanita. I promised to treat her royally for the remainder of the day. I took her to lunch at Burger King and Dairy Queen for dessert. She's never mentioned it since. ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Two kids were trying to figure out what game to play. One said, "Let's play doctor." "Good idea." said the other. "You operate, and I'll sue." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ John and Mary were having dinner in a very fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that John was ever so slowly, silently sliding down his chair and under the table, while Mary acted quite unconcerned. Their waitress watched as John slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, Mary appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that John had disappeared under the table. After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table." The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, "Ah, no. That wasn't my husband. My husband just walked in the front door." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jason Salkeld, 41, Lincoln, Nebraska Driving with revoked license, carrying stolen gun and dope Lincoln Police arrested a 41-year-old man after he was found to be in possession of methamphetamine and a gun stolen from a Lincoln business in 2016. LPD said on Tuesday around 7:30 p.m., Jason Salkeld, 41, was observed driving a vehicle near 86th and Lexington Avenue. The officer recognized Salkeld and was aware his license was revoked. After making contact, Salkeld was found to be in possession of 2.1 grams of suspected meth, and a stolen handgun was also found in his backpack. The gun had been reported stolen from Acher Arms on Dec. 25, 2016 during a burglary.
>From Edith Re: Free Fax Dear Webby, You mentioned a free fax service once, but that was before I disconnected my fax line and sold my fax machine when I retired. So at that time I did not pay attention and bookmark that site. Can you please look it up and mention it again? I need it to fax my prescription to Costco. I still have my scanner and scanned the 2 pages from my doctor's prescreiption. Thanks Edith Dear Edith I don't have to look it up. https://faxzero.com I use it often enough so that I remember it. FaxZERO.com is a fantastic service! I have used them for many years and never a problem. The first time you use them it may seem a bit intimidating. Don't worry! It is actually really easy, and your browser will remember everything for the next time. Just put in your name and phone number, so that the pharmacy can call you back and confirm each line item, in case you don't need the full amount of some of the stuff. And also your email address. Then you enter the recipient name and fax number Next you browse to the two pages you scanned and highlight them and click OK. It doesn't bother to show their names, but don't worry. It has got them. Then you hit send. It may seem that nothing is happening. It just silently hauls your scanned pages up to them. Now check your email. It has a line to click on to confirm that it is indeed you who wants to send a fax. Then they actually send the fax. Well, they try. If the recipient's machine is busy or out of paper, they keep trying until it goes through. That may take some time. However, don't worry. They will keep tryiing until it does go through. When it does, you get an email telling you that your fax has been received by the pharmacy, or wherever you faxed to. Three pages per fax are free. For $1.99 you can get their "Almost Free Fax" deal and send 25 pages. So far I have never needed to send more than 3 pages at a time, but if I ever have to, I know I can with FaxZERO.com. I can highly recommend FaxZERO.com This is not an ad or commission deal, just a recommendation from a frequent user. Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
There's this cathedral that's still being worked on, and the workers have rigged a "cage elevator" inside so they can get material up and down to the upper floors. A characteristic of these "cage elevators" is that the doors (gate) must be closed manually for them to be "called" to another floor. One day one of the workers, Peter by name, takes the elevator to the top floor, and it is subsequently needed on the first floor by the sexton. Unfortunately, Peter forgot and left the door open. After the sexton rings for the elevator a couple times, to no avail, he yells up for the worker to send the lift back down. Visitors to the cathedral were treated to this sight: The sexton of the cathedral, head tipped up, yelling to the heavens: "Peter! CLOSE THE GATE!!!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A husband asks his wife, "If I should die first would you marry again?" "I would be heart-broken, of course," was her reply, "but I think eventually I would remarry." "But you wouldn't bring him here to our house?" "Why not? I've worked and slaved to make this house a home. There is no reason to abandon it." "But you wouldn't sleep in our bed?" "Well, I wouldn't run out and buy a new bed right away." "Surely, you wouldn't let him use my golf clubs?" "Of course not! He's lefthanded!" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Don't Mow Wet Grass Try to avoid mowing your lawn when it's wet. The clippings will stick to the blade and interior of the mower and will clog it. If you do mow grass when it's a little wet, spray the blade with some spray cooking oil (like Pam) to help prevent sticking. Here the grass has frost on it. I won't mow that today! Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
It's a hairy situation! Take a look at the beard and mustache winners of the 2017 contest.
___________________________________________________ From The Office Party Planning Committee... 16 Reasons Why Alcohol Should Be Served At Work... 1. It's an incentive to show up. 2. It leads to more honest communications. 3. It reduces complaints about low pay 4. Employees tell management what they think, not what they want to hear. 5. It encourages car pooling. 6. Increase job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don't care. 7. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work. 8. It makes fellow employees look better. 9. It makes the cafeteria food taste better. 10. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted. 11. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable. 12. Employees work later since there's no longer a need to relax at the bar. 13. It makes everyone more open with their ideas. 14. Eliminates the need for employees to get drunk on their lunch break. 15. Employees no longer need coffee to sober up. 16. Sitting "Bare ass" on the copy machine will no longer be seen as gross." ----------- I don't drink, but find that funny anyway. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
While touring historic buildings in Alexandria, Virginia, we visited an old church. The guide told us that George Washington had attended services there and pointed to his pew. A reverent silence fell. The guide, encouraged by this, went on to tell us that church services back then had been very lengthy -- frequently lasting three hours or more. The mood of the moment was shattered when an anonymous voice whispered loudly, "So George Washington slept here too!" ____________________________________________________

Today, September 29 in
1789 A regular army was established by the U.S. War Department
with several hundred men. 

1829 The first public appearance by London's re-organized police
force was met with jeers from political opponents. The force
became known as Scotland Yard. 

1943 U.S. Gen. Dwight D. Eisenhower and Italian Marshal Pietro
Badoglio signed an armistice aboard the British ship Nelson. 

1946 "The Adventures of Sam Spade" debuted on CBS Radio. 

1951 The first network football game was televised by CBS-TV in
color. The game was between the University of California and the
University of Pennsylvania. 

1962 U.S. President John F. Kennedy nationalized the Mississippi
National guard in response to city officials defying federal
court orders. The orders had been to enroll James Meredith at the
University of Mississippi. 

1967 The International Monetary Fund reformed monetary systems
around the world. 

1977 Eva Shain became the first woman to officiate a heavyweight
title boxing match. About 70 million people watched Muhammad Ali
defeat Ernie Shavers on NBC-TV. 

1982 In Chicago, IL, seven people died after taking capsules of
Extra-Strength Tylenol that had been laced with cyanide. 264,000
bottles were recalled. 

1983 The War Powers Act was used for the first time by the U.S.
Congress when they authorized President Reagan to keep U.S.
Marines in Lebanon for 18 more months. 

1983 "A Chorus Line" with performance number 3,389 became the
longest running show on Broadway. 

1984 Irish officials announced that they had intercepted the
Marita Anne carrying seven tons of U.S.-purchased weapons. The
weapons were intended for the Irish Republican Army. 

1984 Elizabeth Taylor was voted to be the world's most beautiful
woman in a Louis Harris poll. Taylor was at the time in the Betty
Ford Clinic overcoming a weight problem. 

1988 The space shuttle Discovery took off from Cape Canaveral in
Florida. It was the first manned space flight since the
Challenger disaster. 

1990 "Millie's Book" by First Lady Barbara Bush was the best-
selling non-fiction book in the U.S. 

1992 Brazilian lawmakers overwhelmingly voted to impeach
President Fernando Collor de Mello. 

1993 Bosnia's parliament voted overwhelmingly to reject an
international peace plan unless Bosnian Serbs returned land that
had been taken by force. 

1994 The U.S. House voted to end the practice of lobbyist buying
meals and entertainment for members of Congress. 

1998 Hasbro announced plans to introduce an action figure of
retired U.S. General Colin Powell. 

2008 The Dow Industrial Average lost 777 points. It was the
largest one-day decline to date. The drop came after the U.S.
House of Representatives had voted down a $700 billion bank
bailout plan. 

2010 In China, Canton Tower became operational. 

2018  smiled.


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Restore Thunderbird as the default mailer in FireFox 




Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, September 28
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Florida man threw another man off bridge, 
arrested after spotted by passing officer

______________________________________________________
Today, September 28 in
1892 The first nighttime football game in the U.S. took place
under electric lights. The game was between the Mansfield State
Normal School and the Wyoming Seminary.  
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950) Hell, there are no rules here-- we're trying to accomplish something. --- Thomas A. Edison (1847 - 1931) ______________________________________________________ The story is told of a Russian named Ivanovich who visited the Moscow zoo for the first time. To his amazement, he found a little lamb sharing the cage with a big fierce bear. Ivanovich expressed surprise to his guide. The guide smiled and said, "That is peaceful coexistence." When Ivanovich shook his head in a doubtful way, the guide explained, "Of course, we have to put in a fresh lamb every morning." ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A gentleman goes to Africa and asks his tourist guide while walking in the jungle, "Are we safe here? Aren't there cannibals around here?" The tourist guide says, "Yes, it's safe. You can be sure there are no cannibals in Africa." The tourist replied, "But I heard there may still be some cannibals around here." The guide answered, "There are NO cannibals here. I'm sure. We ate the last one yesterday." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A woman was sick of her husband's drinking, so she decided to teach him a lesson. She dressed up like Satan, and when her husband returned home from another bender, she jumped out from behind the sofa and screamed. "You don't scare me," the man said, looking her over calmly. "I married your sister." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ Reported by Moe An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Derrick Goodin, 21 Daytona Beach, Floriduh Florida man threw another man off bridge, arrested after spotted by passing officer A man in Florida was arrested Sunday after he threw another man off a bridge into a river just as an officer was passing by, according to police. The Daytona Beach Police Department said that Derrick Goodin, 21, was involved in an argument with a woman over money as she and a friend crossed the bridge over the Halifax River on Sunday. After throwing the woman's bike in the water, the 21-year-old then threw over her friend, an unidentified man, after he got involved in the argument. "A Daytona Beach Police officer was just heading over the bridge when he spotted Goodin tossing the victim into the water," police said. In bodycam video released by police, Goodwin can be seen standing with the man before police say he tossed him over. The officer then gets out of the car and tells the 21-year-old to surrender. Goodin is then heard saying "he jumped over the bridge, before throwing his wallet in the water before he was arrested. "It's not every day that we're driving and we see a human being throwing another human being into a body of water," Daytona Beach Police spokeswoman Lyda Longa told FOX35. McKenzie Reijonen, who heard the commotion as he was fishing on a rowboat nearby, told FOX35 he jumped into action as soon as he realized what was happening. I mean over there it's pretty shallow but he fell I think into the channel which is even worse because, you know, he could have been unconscious and been hit by a passing motorboat," he said. Reijonen said he rowed his boat over to the bridge and brought the man, who had a gash on his head but was otherwise fine, to shore. I was just worried that he could have been punched unconscious or drowning or somewhere down there in the water and I did what I hoped somebody would do for me, he said. Goodin is now at the Volusia County Jail and has been charged with aggravated battery and breach of peace, according to police.
>From Lee Re: Restore Thunderbird as default mailer Dear Webby, Recently I've had to change laptops (due to a Florence related thunderstorm). I use Firefox and Thunderbird. Formerly when I clicked on the email link on Firefox it went to a Thunderbird blank email to send. Now it goes to a Microsoft product which I don't want to use. Help. Thanks, Lee Dear Lee Yes, that would upset me too! Check Mozilla Firefox browser settings: click on 'Open Menu' select 'Options' Select 'Applications' Set the 'MAILTO' protocol to use 'Thunderbird' Double check your computer protocol 'MAILTO' setting is also 'Thunderbird'. Control Panel > Default Programs >Associate a file type or protocol with a program Protocols: MAILTO needs to be set as Thunderbird. Please check registry key: HKEY_CURRENT_USER\Software\Clients\Mail 'Start' > 'Run' > type: regedit Locate this registry entry: HKEY_CURRENT_USER\Software\Clients\Mail on right side double click on 'Default' Enter 'Mozilla Thunderbird' in 'Value Data' click on 'OK' Messing with the registry is a very last resort, if nothing else works. I doubt you have to go that far. If you have to, first back up the registry before you mess with it. Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
>From Myrna As the bus pulled away, I realized I had left my purse under the seat. Later I called the company and was relieved that the driver had found my bag. When I went to pick it up, several off-duty bus drivers surrounded me. One man handed me my pocketbook, two typewritten pages and a box containing the contents of my purse. "We're required to inventory lost wallets and purses," he explained. "I think you'll find everything there." As I started to put my belongings back into the pocketbook, the man continued, "I hope you don't mind if we watch. Even though we all tried, none of us could fit everything into your purse. And we'd like to see just how you do it."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I was attending an outdoor music concertwith a young woman I'd recently met. Standing at the back of the crowd, we wrapped our arms around each other to ward off the chilly air, swaying to the music. After a particularly romantic song, my date turned to face me. With a loving smile, she said, "I wish we were closer..." Totally thrilled, I looked into her eyes and whispered, "Do you mean our houses or our philosophies?" Puzzled, she replied, "...to the stage." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Cleaning With Baking Soda Make a paste of baking soda with water for a mild abrasive. You can use it instead of Comet or other abrasive cleaners for cleaning bathroom fixtures. It works well for cleaning spots off chrome and stainless steel. It can also be added to your laundry as a booster (1/2 cup should work). Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
It's a hairy situation! Take a look at the beard and mustache winners of the 2017 contest.
___________________________________________________ About the only thing a man can look down on and still heartily approve of, is a low-cut dress. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Charlie was a regular visitor at the race track. One afternoon he noticed an unusual sight. Right before the first race, a Catholic priest visited one of the horses in the stable area and gave it a blessing. Charlie watched the horse race very carefully, and sure enough the blessed horse came in first! Charlie followed the priest before the next race, and again the priest went to the stables and performed a similar procedure. Charlie played a hunch and put a couple of dollars on the blessed horse. Sure enough, the blessed horse came in by two lengths and Charlie won close to fifty bucks! The priest continued the same procedure through the next few races and the horse won each time. So between races Charlie left the track and went to the bank to withdraw his life's savings, $20,000. The biggest race of the day was the last one. Charlie followed the priest and watched carefully which horse he blessed. He then went to the betting window and put his whole bundle of cash on that horse, to win. Then Charlie went out to watch the horses race. Down the stretch they came and as they crossed the finish line, the horse Charlie's fortune was bet on was far behind ... dead last! Charlie was crushed. He located the priest and told him that he had been watching him bless the horses which all became winners throughout the day. Charlie then asked, "What happened to the last horse which you blessed? Because of your failure on that last horse, I have lost my entire life's savings." "That's the trouble with you Protestants," sighed the priest, "you never could tell the difference between a blessing and the Last Rites." ____________________________________________________

Today, September 28 in
1066 England was invaded by William the Conqueror who claimed the
English throne. 

1542 San Diego, CA, was discovered by Portuguese navigator Juan
Rodriguez Cabrillo. 

1687 The Turks surrendered Athens to the Venetians. 

1781 During the Revolutionary War, American forces began the
siege on Yorktown, VA. 

1850 The U.S. Navy abolished flogging as a form of punishment. 

1850 U.S. President Millard Fillmore named Brigham Young the
first governor of the Utah territory. In 1857, U.S. President
James Buchanan removed Young from the position. 

1892 The first nighttime football game in the U.S. took place
under electric lights. The game was between the Mansfield State
Normal School and the Wyoming Seminary. 

1915 The British defeated the Turks in Mesopotamia at Kut-el-
Amara. 

1924 The first around-the-world flight was completed by two U.S.
Army planes when they landed in Seattle, WA. The trip took 175
days. 

1939 During World War II, Germany and the Soviet Union agreed
upon a plan on the division of Poland. 

1950 The United Nations admitted Indonesia. 

1967 The first mayor of Washington, DC, Walter Washington, took
office. 

1972 Communist China and Japan agreed to re-establish diplomatic
relations. 

1978 Heavy fighting occurred in Lebanon between Syrian
peacekeeping troops and Lebanese Christian militiamen. 

1978 Don Sherman, editor of Car & Driver, set a new Class E
record in Utah. Driving the Mazda RX7 he reached a speed of
183.904 mph. 

1991 In response to U.S. President Bush's reduction of U.S.
nuclear arms Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev promised to
reciprocate. 

1995 Yasser Arafat of the PLO and Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak
Rabin signed an accord that transferred control of the West Bank.


2000 The U.S. Federal Drug Administration approved the use of RU-
486 in the United States. The pill is used to induce an abortion.


2004 Nate Olive and Sarah Jones arrived at the U.S.-Mexico border
to complete the first known continuous hike of the 1,800-mile
trail down the U.S. Pacific Coast. They started the trek on June
8. 

2009 The iTunes Music Store reached 2 billion applications
downloaded.

2018  smiled.


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Temp files 




Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, September 27

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Indiana school bus driver caught on video 
allowing kids as young as 11 to drive 
her school bus

______________________________________________________
Today, September 27 in
1825 George Stephenson operated the first locomotive that 
hauled a passenger train.  
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones. --- Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955) I should warn you that underneath these clothes I'm wearing boxer shorts and I know how to use them." --- Robert Orben ______________________________________________________ Airman Johnson was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Johnson had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before. Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Johnson's sales pitch. Johnson explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said: "If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000." "Now," he concluded, "which bunch do you think they are going to send into battle first?" ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >Thanks to Nina from Oz for this story: Neville the Aborigine had been out of work for a long time and when he was offered the job at the council as a garbage collector he decided to take it up. On his first day things were going great until he arrived at one house and noticed there was no wheelie bin out the front. Neville thought to himself, "I wanna do a good job and not get fired from here but if they find out I missed one house then I will get fired." So he went up to the door and knocked on it. To his surprise it was a fellow Aborigine who answered. Neville breathed a sigh of relief and said to the other bloke, "Where's ya bin?" The man replied, "I bin on 'olidays." Neville then said, "Na, mate, where's ya BIN?" "I bin on 'olidays I tell ya," was the reply. Neville, slightly frustrated, says, "Na, ya silly idiot. Where's ya Wheelie Bin?" The other bloke looked round to see who might be listening. "Well," he said. "I weally bin in jail but I'm tellin' everyone I bin on 'olidays, eh!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Great Sales Technique A newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of papers, yelling, "Read all about it. Fifty people swindled! Fifty people swindled!" Curious, a man walked over, bought a paper, and checked the front page. What he saw was yesterday's paper. The man said, "Hey, this is an old paper, where's the story about the big swindle?" The newsboy ignored him and went on calling out, "Read all about it. Fifty-one people swindled!" ______________________________________________________ Pragser Wildsee, IT _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ Reported by Judy An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Joandrea McAtee, 27, Portage, Indiana. Indiana school bus driver caught on video allowing kids as young as 11 to drive her school bus A northwest Indiana school bus driver has been arrested after she allegedly let three students, ages 11, 13 and 17, drive her vehicle, according to police. The incident was caught on video and posted on Twitter. According to a police statement, Joandrea McAtee, 27, let the children drive her bus Thursday as she dropped students off after school in Valparaiso, a small city about 50 miles southeast of Chicago. McAtee, of nearby Portage, was arrested Friday after the Porter Township Schools Administration and the Porter County Sheriff's Office investigated a parent's complaint, the Northwest Indiana Times reported. Chief Deputy Jeff Biggs said in a news release that three students took turns driving a short distance in a rural area of Valparaiso. McAtee was arrested when she went to the Porter Township Bus Barn to pick up her paycheck, according to the news release. She is facing charges of neglect of a dependent, a felony, and was fired by Porter Township and the bus service provider. "The Porter Township School Corporation is angered and disappointed in the actions of this driver," Stacey Schmidt, the Porter Township School Corporation superintendent, said in an email to the paper. "The safety of our students is a top priority." "This individual’s actions are not reflective of the hard work, dedication, and professionalism of our staff," Schmidt added. "We are thankful for the students and parents who came forward quickly with this information to both PTSC administration and law enforcement allowing us to respond expediently and take the proper steps to insure student safety."
>From Dennis Re: Temp Files Dear Webby, As a long time reader of your humor letter, I’ve enjoyed everything from the daily quotations to your apt replies to computer questions, which is why I’m asking you instead of Microsoft. Not to mention that your solution will probably help other readers. While “Spring Cleaning” my overcrowded hard disk, I found that a mysteriously large 15% of its data is in a folder ominously called: “Documents and Settings” with 7.48 GB. Of that the lion’s share is in: “C:\Documents and Settings\Dennis\Local Settings\Temp” (an invisible file, seemingly a warning not to meddle) containing a whopping 6.46 GB in 19,500 files, 146 folders. Surely this is an unreasonable amount of disk space for setting, yet a non-expert hesitates to monkey with something that might upset valued programs, so how to slim down this bloated mess? Thanks for any advice & the daily grins, Dennis Dear Dennis Just open the (files) Explorer (not MSIE), highlight C:\ Right-click it Click on the Disk Cleanup button Let it do it's thing. It will take a few minutes. After that, most of that temp stuff will be gone, and your machine will run a bit faster. I usually do that as the last item of a tune-up. The first item is running Spybot-Search&Destroy. Normally I do a tune-up like that every Saturday night, and once a month I reboot, whether it needs it or not. Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. A Clean House Is A Sign Of A Misspent Life A Husband Is Someone Who Takes Out The Trash And Gives The Impression He Just Cleaned The Whole House A Messy Kitchen Is A Happy Kitchen...And This Kitchen Is Delirious Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused. Countless Number Of People Have Eaten In This Kitchen and Gone On To Lead Normal Lives Help Keep the Kitchen Clean Eat Out Housework Done Properly Can Kill You My next house will have no kitchen just vending machines. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
>From Bobbie My wife and I were making our own funeral arrangements, and the director showed us into a room in which containers for ashes were on display. After we looked at the choices, I asked my wife if she had decided. She sighed. "Yes, the wood-finish one, as it will likely go into the ground." After a moment's pause, however, she continued. "But I really prefer the blue one. You know I always look good in blue." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Hiring Movers If you are hiring movers, be sure to ask them what their insurance covers before packing anything yourself. Quite often, they will only cover boxes that they have packed. Unless you want to use the move as an opportunity to sort what to keep and what to toss, let the movers do the packing. They don't get emotional over items you thought you had lost, and they know how to pack stuff quickly and efficiently and safely. DearWebby Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
10 Unsolved Mysteries From The Middle Ages That Still Baffle Experts Today
___________________________________________________ Those of us who worked at the front desk of a convention hotel in Williamsburg, Va., prided ourselves on making the guests feel special. When someone arrived at reception, credit card in hand, we would sneak a peek at it and address him by name. Once during a particularly busy check-in, one of our guests presented a corporate credit card. "Welcome to Williamsburg, Mr. Bell," the desk clerk said. "Oh, please," the man replied, "call me Taco." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
They were burying Irish Pat today and the Irish Priest was explaining to the congregation that before they could put Pat to rest, someone had to get up and say something nice about Pat, even though Pat was a womanizer, a drunk and a fighter. No one got up. So the priest got up again and said,"Maybe I didn't explain me-self properly. Before we can put Paddy in his grave, one of you MUST get up and say something nice about the man. It's our duty as Irishmen and Catholics." So as the priest sat down again, Little Murphy in the back pew got up, cleared his throat, and with his porkpie hat in his hand said, "His brother was even worse!". ____________________________________________________

Today, September 27 in
1779 John Adams was elected to negotiate with the British over
the American Revolutionary War peace terms. 

1825 George Stephenson operated the first locomotive that hauled
a passenger train. 

1894 The Aqueduct Race Track opened in New York City, NY. 

1928 The U.S. announced that it would recognize the Nationalist
Chinese Government. 

1938 The League of Nations branded the Japanese as aggressors in
China. 

1939 After 19 days of resistance, Warsaw, Poland, surrendered to
the Germans after being invaded by the Nazis and the Soviet Union
during World War II. 

1940 The Berlin-Rome-Tokyo Axis was set up. The military and
economic pact was for 10 years between Germany, Italy and Japan. 

1962 The U.S. sold Hawk anti-aircraft missiles to Israel. 

1968 The U.K.'s entry into the European Common Market was barred
by France. 

1982 Italian and French soldiers entered the Sabra and Chatilla
refugee camps in Beirut. The move was made by the members of a
multinational force due to hundreds of Palestinians being
massacred by Christian militiamen. 

1989 Columbia Pictures Entertainment agreed to buy out Sony
Corporation for $3.4 billion. 

1989 Two men went over the 176-foot-high Niagara Falls in a
barrel. Jeffrey Petkovich and Peter Debernardi were the first to
ever survive the Horshoe Falls. 

1990 The deposed emir of Kuwait addressed the U.N. General
Assembly and denounced the "rape, destruction and terror" that
Iraq had inflicted upon his country. 

1991 U.S. President George H.W. Bush eliminated all land-based
tactical nuclear arms and removed all short-range nuclear arms
from ships and submarines around the world. Bush then called on
the Soviet Union to do the same. 

1994 More than 350 Republican congressional candidates signed the
Contract with America. It was a 10-point platform they pledged
to enact if voters sent a GOP majority to the House. 

2004 North Korean Vice Foreign Minister Choe Su Hon announced
that North Korea had turned plutonium from 8,000 spent nuclear
fuel rods into nuclear weapons. He also said that the weapons
were to serve as a deterrent against increasing U.S. nuclear
threats and to prevent nuclear war in northeast Asia. The U.S.
State Department noted that the U.S. has repeatedly said that the
U.S. has no plans to attack North Korea. 

2015 The space probe Dawn was launched by NASA. Dawn entered
orbit around protoplanet Vesta on July 16, 2011 and entered orbit
around Ceres on March 6, 2015. 

2018  smiled.


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Wireless broadband 




Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, September 26


Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Alabama mother charged after 5 of 
her kids test positive for cocaine

______________________________________________________
Today, September 26 in
1950 U.N. troops recaptured the South Korean capital of 
Seoul from the North Koreans during the Korean Conflict. 
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes. --- Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862) "Here's to woman! Would that we could fall into her arms without falling into her hands." --- Ambrose Bierce ______________________________________________________ A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?" "I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill." The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills. When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer. ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man will pay $2 for a $1 item, if he needs it. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want because it's on sale. A woman worries about he future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find that man. To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and don't expect to understand her at all. Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die. Any married man can forget his past mistakes, there's no reason for two people to keep track of the same things. A woman marries a man expecting him to change, and he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting her not to change and she does. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A middle-aged woman was driving through a school zone when a policeman pulled her over for speeding. As he was giving her the ticket, she said, "How come I always get a ticket and everyone else gets a warning? Is it my face?" "No, ma'am," explained the officer, "it's your foot." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Cordelia Adair, 31, Montgomery, Alabama Alabama mother charged after 5 of her kids test positive for cocaine Cordelia Adair, 31, allegedly exposed five of her children – her 4-year-old son, 7-year-old daughter, 9-year-old daughter, 12- year-old son and 13-year-old son – to the substance during June and September of 2018, according to an arrest affidavit obtained by the Montgomery Advertiser. Adair was charged with five felony counts of chemical endangerment of a child. “MPD (Montgomery Police Dept.) was contacted by DHR (Department of Human Resources) on Sept. 6 in reference to possible drug activity in the home,” Capt. Regina Duckett, with the Montgomery Police Dept., told the paper. “Following a joint investigation with DHR, warrants were secured against Adair. She was taken into custody by the U.S. Marshals Fugitive Task Force on Sept. 21 and charged.” Alabama child welfare officials declined to comment on the case, citing privacy laws. Police did not immediately respond to requests for comment about the condition of the children. A judge reduced Adair’s bond Monday from $15,000 to $7,500 per count.
From: Sharon Re: Wireless broadband Internet Dear Webby, I love your humor. I've told many of your jokes to many people. Thanks for sharing them & your pics. I was asked by a friend if there was any wireless internet service she could check into that did not require a land phone line. I believe she uses a cell phone only & does not have cable tv either. I told her I would ask someone who would probably know. Your tech dept has been a lot of help. Also I keep seeing soemthing that says to use the "return" key to get back to something previoulsy viewed. What is the retuen key? I susally use the back arrow button on the taskbar. Just curious. Thanks again. Sharon Dear Sharon Verizon and a few others have a cell modem. It works slightly better than dial-up, but everybody I know that uses it, hates it. They consider it an emergency measure until they can get back to DSL or cable. Then there is Wireless High Speed Internet in some areas. Some towns have it, but most don't. Most rural areas in Canada have it, but in the US, most don't have it yet. Unless your friend is on the run, I would recommend that she get herself a land line. With a land line she can get DSL and 30 Mbps. Tell her to visit her ISP and discuss her options face to face. The bottom line, though, is the ISP. I get 30 Mbps to the ISP in Calgary. They are the bottleneck. Then I wait and wait and wait to get through them to whatever site I want to visit. If there are lots of ads there, then it is even worse. The speed between me and the ISP seems to be irrelevant. They are installing fibre now throughout the village. It will increase the speed from here to the ISP to 50 Mbps, still a long way from South Korea's average of 200 Mbps, but theoretically a lot faster than dial-up. The bottle neck at the ISP remains the same. Return Key: With manual and electric typewriters, that's the Carriage Return key that looks like the Enter key on a computer keyboard. Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A kind-hearted motorist saw a man struggling to change a tire alongside the highway, and pulled over to see whether he could help. The man had a very red face, and a dark smear across it where he'd wiped off sweat with dirty hands. His tie was undone and his shirt collar askew, and it was clear he had also wiped his hands on his once-white shirt. Close to him stood an immaculately neat woman who was speaking in quick, agitated tones. "Hello, there," said the motorist. "Say, I've changed a lot of tires . . . maybe I can help here." "You sure can," the man with the flat tire replied wearily. "My wife is an expert, too. If you will just do all the arguing with her about how this tire ought to be changed, I can concentrate on the dirty work and get the job done."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A little girl was asked what she wanted most for her birthday and she declared: "A baby brother." "Daddy and I would like to give you a baby brother," said her mom, "but there isn't time before your birthday." "Why don't you do like they do down at Daddy's factory when they want something in a hurry -- put more men on the job?" said the little girl. ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Fireplace Match Replacement If you run out of fireplace matches use a long piece of spaghetti. Just light the spaghetti and use it as a match. Also works for lighting candles that have wicks that are tough to reach (like birthday candles). Spaghetti also works great for lighting gas furnaces if a storm or gas interruption extinguishes the pilot lights. I have used spaghetti for many decades for that. You can get the flame right to the precise spot without singing your fingers. DearWebby Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Tibetan Buddhist Sand Mandalas
___________________________________________________ A hillbilly was making his first visit to a hospital where his teenage son was about to have an operation. Watching the doctor's every move, he asked, "What's that?" The doctor explained, "This is an anaesthetic; after he gets this he won't know a thing." "Save your time, Doc," exclaimed the man, "he don't know nothing now." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
When I first started college, the Dean came in and said "Good Morning" to all of us. When we echoed back to him, he responded "Ah, you're Freshmen." He explained. "When you walk in and say good morning, and they say good morning back, it's Freshmen. When they put their newspapers down and open their books, it's Sophomores. When they look up so they can see the instructor over the tops of the newspapers, it's juniors. When they put their feet up on the desks and keep reading, it's seniors. When you walk in and say good morning, and they write it down, it's graduate students." ____________________________________________________

Today, September 26 in
1777 Philadelphia was occupied by British troops during the
American Revolutionary War. 

1892 "The King of Marches" was introduced to the general public. 

1908 In "The Saturday Evening Post" an ad for the Edison
Phonograph appeared. 

1914 The U.S. Federal Trade Commission was established. 

1918 During World War I, the Meuse-Argonne offensive against the
Germans began. It was the final Allied offensive on the western
front. 

1950 U.N. troops recaptured the South Korean capital of Seoul
from the North Koreans during the Korean Conflict. 

1955 The New York Stock Exchange suffered its worst decline since
1929 when the word was released concerning U.S. President
Eisenhower's heart attack. 

1960 The first televised debate between presidential candidates
Richard M. Nixon and John F. Kennedy took place in Chicago, IL. 

1962 "The Beverly Hillbillies" premiered on CBS-TV. 

1964 "Gilligan's Island" premiered on CBS-TV. The show aired for
the last time on September 4, 1967. 

1980 The Cuban government abruptly closed Mariel Harbor to end
the freedom flotilla of Cuban refugees that began the previous
April. 

1981 The Boeing 767 made its maiden flight in Everett, WA. 

1985 Shamu was born at Sea World in Orlando, FL. Shamu was the
first killer whale to survive being born in captivity. 

1986 The episode of "Dallas" that had Bobby Ewing returning from
the dead was aired. 

1990 The Motion Picture Association of America announced that it
had created a new rating. The new NC17 rating was to keep
moviegoers under the age of 17 from seeing certain films. 

1991 Four men and four women began their two-year stay inside the
"Biosphere II." The project was intended to develop technology
for future space colonies. 

1993 The eight people who had stayed in "Biosphere II" emerged
from their sealed off environment. 

1996 Shannon Lucid returned to Earth after being in space for 188
days. she set a time record for a U.S. astronaut in space and in
the world for time spent by a woman in space. 

2000 The U.S. House of Representatives passed the Born-Alive
Infants Protection Act. The act states that an infant would be
considered to have been born alive if he or she is completely
extracted or expelled from the mother and breathes and has a
beating heart and definite movement of the voluntary muscles. 

2000 Slobodan Milosevic conceded that Vojislav Kostunica had won
Yugoslavia's presidential election and declared a runoff. The
declared runoff prompted mass protests. 

2001 In Kabul, Afghanistan, the abandoned U.S. Embassy was
stormed by protesters. It was the largest anti-Amercian protest
since the terror attacks on New York City and Washington, DC, on
September 11. 

2001 Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat and Israeli Foreign
Minister Shimon Peres announced plans to formalize a cease-fire
and end a year of fighting in the region. 

2006 Facebook was openened to everyone at least 13 years or older
with a valid email address. 

2018  smiled.


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