Dear Webby Humor Letter, Aug 19/06 

Good Morning,  Text-Start !
Saturday,  Aug 19, 2006

All human beings should try to learn before they die
what they are running from, and to, and why.
-- James Thurber

Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to
an understanding of ourselves.
-- Carl Jung

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It was the first camping experience for Jed. As soon as he had
pitched his tent, he went for a hike in the woods. In about
fifteen minutes he rushed back into camp, bleeding and
"What happened?" asked a fellow camper.

"I was chased by a black snake!" cried the frightened Jed.

The other camper laughed and retorted, "Those black snakes
aren't deadly."

"Listen," groaned Jed,  "If he can make you jump off a
fifty-foot cliff, he is!!!!"


 A "Sniveling Ninny" award goes to
 Censorship at
 for being overprotective of the fighting
 forces and censoring the Humor Letter.


A guy takes his greenhorn wife hunting on a ranch.
When they reach their deer blinds, the guy says,
"If you shoot a deer, be sure not to let somebody
else say he's the one who shot it. Otherwise, he'll
take the deer from you. The deer belongs to whoever
shoots it."

The guy goes to his own blind. Ten minutes later, he
hears his wife shooting from her blind nearby. He
rushes over and finds her pointing her rifle at a
cowboy who's hollering, "Awright, lady, awright
- you can have your freaking deer!  Just lemme get
my saddle off it....!"


Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
goes to 3 poor sports in Danielsville, Georgia

Wrong place to fish!

August 17, 2006 - Danielsville, Georgia - AP
Fishing in someone else's well-stocked fish pond without
permission isn't a good idea -- especially if that pond
belongs to the sheriff.

Three men spent the better part of four days in the Madison
County, Ga., jail after being charged with fishing in a pond
without the owner's permission. The pond is owned by
Madison County Sheriff Clayton Lowe.

A state conservation ranger Saturday arrested Brian Keith
Wallace, 35, Michael Shannon Fricks, 32, and Christopher
Carldon Wallace, 37, on the misdemeanor charge. Lowe
said they were released Tuesday after paying a fine.

Lowe said he stocked the pond with about $1,200 worth of
catfish and bream last spring to give disabled children a
fun day outside fishing. But sometime before the fishing
day, someone drove a four-wheel all-terrain vehicle under
a cable stretched across the road leading to the pond and
began catching the fish.

The sheriff paid $360 to restock the pond before the
children's fishing day.
"It all worked out. They caught plenty of fish," he said.


Thanks to Sandie for sending this picture:


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From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Erika
Re: Laptop and air travel

Dear Webby,
Considering the new restrictions, what do you recommend
re laptops, especially if they have to go into the checked

Dear Erika
Take out the hard drive and put it into your purse or wallet.
You can even get padded drive wallets made for USB drives.
Laptop drives are small enough that you can easily jam them
into even a very tight camera case.

All you need to take it out and put it back in is a small Phillips
screwdriver. The type that looks like a short pencil and goes
on a key ring is ideal, but a key, with the edges at the tip
sharpened a bit, works fine too.

The rest of the laptop is replaceable.

Don't get one of thoe fancy show-off Zero-Halliburton padded
metal cases! Their locks are not TSA approved and your laptop
may stay behind while you travel. A fancy case will just tempt
somebody to rip it off.

When I travel, I take along a piece of 5mm (3/16") Lexan,
precision cut with rounded corners to just fit into my big
carry-on. Well, it used to be my carry-on, now it gets
checked in. Hotels usually have low chairs and high tables
unsuitable for laptops. So I jam that Lexan into a slightly
opened dresser or night-stand drawer, and have a perfect
laptop table.

It also protects the contents of the carry-on.

When you pack, keep in mind that when the baggage handlers
slam the luggage onto the conveyor, they do it with the top
down and wheels UP. With the top protected by the Lexan
(or plexiglass) and the bottom by the wheel and handle
framework, and the laptop somewhere in the middle,
cushioned by clothes, it's quite safe.

If you do have one of those fancy cases with stiff, high
density black foam inside, rip that foam out and throw it
away. At impact speed from dropping it, it's as hard as oak,
and can wreck your laptop. Keep in mind that a laptop has
almost 200 square inches of surface on each side. Will the
foam compress if you stand on the laptop? The black high-
density foam won't. Just use tee shirts, a blanket or any
soft clothing instead, or the softest foam you can find.

Those fancy hard shell laptop cases are fine for bus and
subway, but in my opinion not suitable for today's air

Have FUN!


 A guy is walking down the street with his friend. He says
to his  friend, "I'm a walking economy."

 His friend replies, "How's that?"

 "It's like this -- my hair line is in recession, my stomach
is a  victim of inflation, and the combination of these
factors is putting  me into a depression."


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 There was a university in New England where the students operated
 a "bank" of term papers and other homework assignments. There were
 papers to suit all needs. Since it would look odd if an undistinguished
 student suddenly handed in a brilliant essay, there were papers for
 an A grade, B grade, and C grade.

 One student, who had spent the weekend on more "extra-curricular
 pursuits," went to the bank, and as his course was a standard one he
 took out a paper for a inconspicuous C. He then retyped it and handed
 the work in.

 In due course he received it back with the professor's comments.

 "I wrote this paper myself twenty years ago. I always thought it was
 worth an A, and now I'm pleased to give it one!"


Deeli's Kudos
August 16, 2006 - New Orleans - AP
 U.S. Rep. Bobby Jindal, of Louisiana, used to dream of
becoming a doctor. Tuesday, he got a chance to act like one.
Jindal barely had time to call 911 after his wife woke up
with labor pains. A few minutes later, he helped deliver
his own son.

Slade Ryan Jindal arrived before the ambulance did, at
about 3:25 a.m.

Jindal, who was coached over the phone by a nurse, put the
baby in his wife's arms and tied off the umbilical cord with
a shoestring.

The couple's two other children slept through the birth,
according to a Jindal spokesman.

The child is the couple's third and was born two days before
his due date, but weighed in at a healthy 8 pounds, 2 ounces.

Mother and baby are resting comfortably at a Louisiana hospital.


The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are a separate blog at
You can post your questions there and read current and past
queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at,  and she will post it into the blog for you.
Outlook Depressed patch


Daily tip from
Refinancing - Points Vs. No Points
When refinancing a home mortgage you will get a lower interest
rate if you agree to pay 1 or 2 "points".   The loan manager may
offer you "6.75% with no points" or "6.25% with 2 points".  2
points means that you will have to pay 2% of the total amount of
the mortgage to the lender in addition to any closing costs.  On
a $200,000 loan, that's $4,000.  Even with the lower interest
rate, It can take 5 to 10 years to cover that additional
expense.  So if you aren't going to be in a house long term,
it's better pass on the points.
Tip provided by also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
Subscribe and get access to their new
Printable Coupon page!
Highly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!

If you like the list, you can vote for it here: ... ;/font>


A man was sued by a woman for defamation
of character.  She charged that he had called
her a pig.  The man was found guilty and fined.

After the trial he asked the judge, "This means
that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?"  The
judge said that was true.

"Does this mean I cannot call a pig Mrs.
Johnson?" the man asked.  The judge replied
that he could indeed call a pig Mrs. Johnson
with no fear of legal action.

The man then proceeded to look directly at
Mrs. Johnson and said, "Good afternoon,
Mrs. Johnson."


Pervert Alert

If you are in any of these towns, please help shield the
families of a fallen hero from the Westboro Perverts

The members of the Westboro Perverts harrass the families of
fallen soldiers and miners during the funeral, and proclaim that
their deaths are Gods punishment for US non-discrimination laws.

Saturday, August 19 at 7:15 a.m., Killeen, TX.
Perverts plan to picket the funeral for
Army Staff Sgt. Kenneth A. Jenkins at
Crawford- Bowers Funeral Home,
1615 S. Fort Hood St.,
Killeen, TX.

Monday, August 21 at 9:15 a.m. Huber Heights, Ohio
Perverts plan to picket the funeral for
Army Pfc. James P. White
Huber Heights Funeral Home,
5844 Old Troy Pike,
Huber Heights, Ohio

Saturday, August 26 at 10:15 a.m. Hood River, Oregon
Perverts plan to picket the memorial for
Petty Officer 2nd Class Marc A. Lee at
Expo Center, 405 Portway Ave.,
Hood River, Oregon

I am not endorsing those non-discrimination laws. Military
hiring practises should not be dictated by the ACLU.
However, I applaud ANY ACTION to shield the bereaved
families of miners and war heroes, - who had absolutely
nothing to do with the Government giving in to the ACLU -,
from those despicable Westboro perverts.



To find a bugler for military funerals,
browse to


From Wade

Friday, August 18 at 10:45 a.m. Seattle, Wash.
Perverts plan to picket the funeral for
Army Staff Sgt. Tracy L. Melvin
at Yarrington White Center Funeral Home,
10708 16th Ave. SW,
Seattle, Wash.

My family and I are on vacation when we got word of this
funeral, we were in the Seattle area so we purchased flags
and joined with the Patriot Guard for the morning to honor
this soldier. I am happy to report that no perverts ventured
this far north, and it was a respectful service.


Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link:
Worldwide Disaster Alert Map


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Well, Text-Start, that's all for today.
have FUN !
Dear Webby

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