Dear Webby Humor Letter Aug 21 / 06 

Good Morning !
Monday,  Aug 21, 2006

Inanimate objects are classified scientifically into three major
categories - those that don't work, those that break down and
those that get lost.
-- Russell Baker

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
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"Oh Doctor, My husband thinks he is a chicken."
"Oh no - how long has this been going on?"
"About a year!"
"A year! Why did you wait so long to come see me?"
"Well, we needed the eggs."


  A "Sniveling Ninny" award goes to
  for gross incompetence in mail handling.
  They managed to deliver Friday's mail,
then yahoo'd Saturday's and Sunday's mail for most of their victims.


A class professor was giving a lecture on company slogans and was
asking his students if they were familiar with them.

"Joe," he asked, "which company has the slogan, 'come fly the friendly

Joe answered the correct airline.

"Brenda, can you tell me which company has the slogan, "Don't leave
home without it?"

Brenda answered the correct credit card company with no difficulty.

"Now John, Tell me which company bears the slogan, 'Just do it'?"

And John answered, "Mom."


Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
goes to Detlef Federsohn, 23, in Vienna, Austria

Not ready for real life

August 18, 2006 - Vienna, Austria - Ananova
A young Austrian convict missed prison so much after his
release that he tried to break back in.

Detlef Federsohn, 23, was released from the Josefstadt
prison in the Austrian capital Vienna after serving two years
for theft.

But he was arrested last week when police were called out
to a suspected prison break after he was spotted on the
roof of the jail.

Federsohn said: "Life is so much easier on the inside. They
feed you, do your washing and let you watch TV, which I can
tell you is a lot more than my mum does. So I thought if I could
sneak back in I would blend in with the others and the screws
wouldn't notice."


Thanks to Ross, who likes his salad VERY fresh, for this


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From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Tuck
Re: Get rid of Windows log-on prompt

 Dear Webby:

  You have a great newsletter it is the first one I read every day
keep up the good work.
I seem to have run into a bit of a problem and am not quiet
sure how to resolve it.
When I turn on my computer it normally boots up to the Desktop
and you can proceed from there what you want to do.
Now when I turn on my computer it boots up to the shutdown screen
and asks to turn off my computer or to log on as Tuck and you can
change your log on preferences after the computer boots up.
Hasn't been doing this.
Have tried error checking, disk defragment, run all my maintenance
Spybot Found a few nasties. but that didn't help either, removed them.
Booted up in safe mood and selected normal start up, nothing seems
to work.
How do I get it changed back to the way it normally is supposed to
boot up?
I am at a loss as to why it is booting up differently, any help you can
give me will be greatly appreciated never had this to happen before.
Thank you in advance for your help.

Dear Tuck
Try the solution shown here:

Have FUN!


A new senate page was reporting for duty on Capitol Hill in Washington.
The department head who was giving him his instructions said, "And
another thing. You must remember the telephone number here. IF you
are ever calling in from an outside line you must dial Capitol 4-3121."

Then, noticing the puzzled look on the page's face, he said, "What's the
matter? You look as though you don't understand."

"Oh, nohtin , Senor," the new page said. "I jus donnow how to
dial ta capital four!"


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Thanks to Connie for this:
My mother-in-law says that she can not understand how the lackluster, low
mentality, loser that her daughter had the misfortune to marry could have
produced such smart, intelligent, beautiful, and wonderful grandchildren.
She is inclined to believe that genetics skips every other generation.
Therefore she is not holding out much hope for her great-grandchildren.


Deeli's Kudos
August 18, 2006 - Wichita, Kansas - IBS

A perfect score on the American College Testing exam (ACT)
is rare enough.

The same goes for perfection on the SAT Reasoning Test.

But acing both? That's what a high school senior in Wichita
has accomplished -- 17-year-old Jakub Voboril of Bishop
Carroll High School said he scored a perfect 36 on the ACT
and a 2,400 on the SAT in the same week in June.

"It wasn't so much a feeling of, 'Wow, I'm shocked,' because
I went in thinking I could do this," Jakub told The Wichita Eagle.
"So it's just a good feeling. I'm really happy."

His perfect score on the ACT test is one of only two in
Kansas. It came after he scored 32 and 34 on his first two
tries. Jakub learned of his perfect SAT score soon after
hearing about his other ace.


The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at
You can post your questions there and read current and past
queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at,  and she will post it into the blog for you.
Outlook Depressed patch


Daily tip from
Leftover Cereal for Casseroles
Use leftover or stale cereal as a casserole topper. Just
crumble it up and use in place of or in addition to crackers.
Not all types of cereal work well for this. For example,
Fruit Loops (or other sweetened cereal) probably wouldn't
work well as a casserole topper, but cheerios and corn
flakes can taste fantastic.
Tip provided by also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
Subscribe and get access to their new
Printable Coupon page!
Highly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!

If you like the list, you can vote for it here: ... ;/font>


A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat.
She asked if it was dead or alive.

"Dead," she was informed.

"How do you know?", she asked.

"Because I pssed in his ear and it didn't move," said the
child innocently.

"You did WHAT?!?", the teacher squealed in surprise.

"You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went
'pssst' and he didn't move."


Pervert Alert

If you are in any of these towns, please help shield the
families of a fallen hero from the Westboro Perverts

The members of the Westboro Perverts harrass the families of
fallen soldiers and miners during the funeral, and proclaim that
their deaths are Gods punishment for US non-discrimination laws.

Monday, August 21 at 9:15 a.m. Huber Heights, Ohio
Perverts plan to picket the funeral for
Army Pfc. James P. White
Huber Heights Funeral Home,
5844 Old Troy Pike,
Huber Heights, Ohio

Saturday, August 26 at 10:15 a.m. Hood River, Oregon
Perverts plan to picket the memorial for
Petty Officer 2nd Class Marc A. Lee at
Expo Center, 405 Portway Ave.,
Hood River, Oregon

I am not endorsing those non-discrimination laws. Military
hiring practises should not be dictated by the ACLU.
However, I applaud ANY ACTION to shield the bereaved
families of miners and war heroes, - who had absolutely
nothing to do with the Government giving in to the ACLU -,
from those despicable Westboro perverts.



To find a real bugler for military funerals,
browse to


From Chuck W

Dear Webby,
my dear friend Sheila sent me the attached email. I laughed
my butt off. thought you might like to print it.
Have her permission in the attachments.

Speaking of Jackie, his two sons, Aaron and Ty, spent the
night with me last week.  Aaron always writes me a story
when here, and Ty-Ty likes for me to scan and print cartoon
pages he can color.  I always give them folders to put their
work in.

When they got home, Marijane was unpacking their bag and
said she nearly fainted.  Ty-Ty had two folders -- one was
clearly marked "fineshit" and the other "unfineshit."

She said she called him in and shrieked, "What is this --
what IS this!?"

Ty-Ty looked at her, clearly puzzled.  "That one," he said,
pointing to the first one, is "finished,"
and that one is "unfinished."

Don't you just love grandkids?

Sure...send away...if I had collected all the funny Ty-Ty things
over his 8 years, I would have a wonderful book.  He's the
one I told you about that I couldn't find one day...I ran into the
back yard and saw him at the top of a tree.  I started running
in circles, screaming for him to come down, to be careful. etc.,
in a state of hysteria.

He called down reassuringly -- "Don't worry Nanny -
I'm a CONfessional tree climber...."


Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link:
Freight Train Graffiti
and ... ffiti.html


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Well, , that's all for today.
have FUN !
Dear Webby

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