Dear Webby Humor Letter Aug 23/06 

Good Morning!
Wednesday,  Aug 23, 2006

 "Ability is what you're capable of doing.
Motivation determines what you do.
Attitude determines how well you do it."
-- Lou Holtz

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Kids in the back seat cause accidents,
and accidents in the back seat cause kids.


  A "Sniveling Ninny" award goes to
  for gross incompetence in mail handling.
  They managed to deliver Friday's mail,
then yahoo'd the mail for most of their victims
since then.


A man and a woman had been married for ten years and decided
to try and have kids. They had not been using birth control for the
entire time they had been married, so they thought they may have
a problem conceiving.The woman decided to go to the
gynecologist and see if the problem was with her.

She had been hard of hearing since she was little. The
doctor examined her and came in to give her the conclusions.

He said, "I'm sorry, but the problem is with you. You have
insufficient passion and if you ever have a baby it will
be a miracle."

The woman was very upset and went home crying. Her husband
got home and asked her what was wrong.

She said, "The doctor told me I've got a fish up my passage
and if I ever have a baby it will be a mackerel."


Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
goes to Sweden's state broadcaster, SVT

Backdrop more interesting than the news

August 22, 2006 - Sweden - The Scotsman
Sweden's state broadcaster, SVT, faced ridicule yesterday
after mistakenly showing a pornographic film in the
background of a news broadcast.

Viewers watching a five-minute bulletin at midnight on
Saturday could see explicit scenes from a Czech blue
movie on a TV screen behind the newsreader, Peter Dahlgren.

The monitor - one of many on the wall of a control room
visible behind the studio - normally shows other news
channels during broadcasts.

But staff who had earlier watched a sports event on the
cable channel Canal Plus, which often shows X-rated films
after midnight, had forgotten to switch it back, Per Yng,
SVT's news director, said.

"This is highly embarrassing and unfortunate," he said.
"It must not happen again."

A producer quickly spotted the sex scenes and ran into the
control room and turned off the monitor, Mr Yng said.

He said there had been no complaints from viewers about
the mishap, but "enormous interest from media".
Swedish newspapers yesterday poked fun at the program,
changing its name from Rapport to "Rapporn".



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From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Ann

Dear Webby
...'sme again.  Is there some way to forward something to
a person that is still using Windows 98 when I'm on XP?
I have sent a PPS file to my friend but he cannot open it.
I think because he is still using 98.  Do I have to save
the data to my computer and then send each thing one at
a time?  I am forwarding the email to you separately
because it is so incredible and I think you will appreciate
it.  Thanks for you help.
Hugs   Ann

Dear Ann
Windows 98 has nothing to do with that.
All he needs is the normal pps PowerPoint viewer.
He can get it free from Microsoft.

The easiest way to get it is to go to

That forwards to the mile long link at Microsoft.

Have FUN!



IMPORTANT NOTICE: If you are one of thef parachuting
enthusiasts who bought our Easy Sky Diving book, please
make the following correction: on page 8, line 7,
the words "state zip code" should have read "pull rip cord."

Yesterday we mistakenly reported that a talk was given by a
battle-scared hero. We apologize for the error. We
obviously meant that the talk was given by a
bottle-scarred hero.

Miss Rumson has been appointed supervisor of
Work Area Six, not (as stated in our last issue)
Work Area Sex


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The maiden aunt is visiting her family for the holidays.
One night, the talk around the dinner table turns to what
the older people did when they were young.

The aunt interrupts and says, "I don't want to talk about my

"Why, auntie?" one of her nephews asks. "What did you do?"

"Nothing," says the older woman. "That's why I don't want
to talk about it."


Deeli's Kudos
August 22, 2006 - Spiceland, Indiana - AP
A postcard that a mother mailed to her son in 1948 was
finally delivered to the recipient - but only after the town's
postmaster bought it on eBay.

Spiceland Postmaster Judy Dishman, who is away from her
office on leave, bought the postcard because it featured a
country view of the Spiceland area, about 65 kilometres
east of Indianapolis. Dishman noticed the postcard was
addressed to 82-year-old Charles "Rocky" Rose of Spiceland,
so she delivered it.

The card was from Rose's late mother, Dollie Rose. The
mother and son used penny postcards to exchange news
during the 1940s, while the son was working in Lima, Ohio,
and the mother was in Spiceland, about 160 kilometres west.

Part of the address is crossed out, and Rose isn't sure why
the postcard was never mailed or where it has been for the
last 58 years. The postcard reads in part,
"Hi Buddy. How's my boy? Fine I hope."

To Rocky Rose, the words are priceless.
"I wouldn't sell it for nothing on earth," he said.


The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at
You can post your questions there and read current and past
queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at,  and she will post it into the blog for you.


Daily tip from
Baby Powder for Sand
Carry baby powder with you to the sandbox or beach.
After the children get off the of sand, sprinkle them with
the baby powder. It dries up the sand and causes it to
fall right off! No more tracking sand in the house or car!
- Amy
Tip provided by also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
Subscribe and get access to their new
Printable Coupon page!
Highly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!

If you like the list, you can vote for it here: ... ;/font>


A Sunday School teacher asked her class, "Does anyone know
what we mean by sins of omission?"

A small girl replied, "Aren't those the sins we should have
committed, but didn't?"


Pervert Alert

If you are in any of these towns, please help shield the
families of a fallen hero from the Westboro Perverts

The members of the Westboro Perverts harrass the families of
fallen soldiers and miners during the funeral, and proclaim that
their deaths are Gods punishment for US non-discrimination laws.

 Thur., Aug. 24 10:15 a.m.  Kansas City, Missouri
Perverts plan to picket the funeral for
Army Staff Sgt. Kevin L. Zeigler at
Mount Moriah & Freeman Funeral Home,
10507 Holmes Rd.,
Kansas City, Missouri

Fri., Aug. 25 at 8:15 a.m.  Brooklyn, N.Y.
Perverts plan to harass the funeral for
Marine Capt. John J. McKenna IV at
Immaculate Heart of Mary Catholic Church,
2805 Ft. Hamilton Pkwy.,
Brooklyn, N.Y.

Saturday, August 26 at 9 a.m. Belle Harbor, New York
Perverts plan to harass the funeral for
Lance Cpl. Michael D. Glover at
St. Francis DeSales Church,
139-16 Rockaway Beach Blvd.,
Belle Harbor, New York

Saturday, August 26 at 10:15 a.m. Hood River, Oregon
Perverts plan to harass the memorial for
Petty Officer 2nd Class Marc A. Lee at
Expo Center, 405 Portway Ave.,
Hood River, Oregon

I am not endorsing those non-discrimination laws. Military
hiring practises should not be dictated by the ACLU.
However, I applaud ANY ACTION to shield the bereaved
families of miners and war heroes, - who had absolutely
nothing to do with the Government giving in to the ACLU -,
from those despicable Westboro perverts.



To find a real bugler for military funerals,
browse to


A little girl was asked what she wanted most for her birthday
and she declared: "A baby brother."

"Daddy and I would like to give you a baby brother," said her
mom, "but there isn't time before your birthday."

"Why don't you do like they do down at Daddy's factory when
they want something in a hurry? Put more men on the job."


Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link:
Oshkosh Trip


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Well, , that's all for today.
have FUN 

Dear Webby

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