Dear Webby Humor Letter Aug 24/06 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  Aug 24, 2006

Millions long for immortality who don't know what to do
with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
-- Susan Ertz

People that are really very weird can get into sensitive
positions and have a tremendous impact on history.
-- Dan Quayle

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

Thanks to Sandie for this story:
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting
on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and
"Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and
pains.  I know you're about my age.  How do you feel?"

Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."

"Really!?  Like a newborn baby!?"

"Yep.  No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.


  A "Sniveling Ninny" award goes to
  for gross incompetence in mail handling.
  They managed to deliver Friday's mail,
then yahoo'd the mail for most of their victims
since then.


Thanks to David for this story:
Lisa, my co-worker at the travel agency, needed to send
a letter of apology to a customer whose trip was a complete
fiasco from start to finish. I reminded her of a similar
situation a year earlier and dug out the letter I'd written

"All you have to do," I told her, "is to change the details,
the date, and the name."

She looked it over and smiled wryly.
"We won't even need to change the name."


Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
goes to Ulysse Maillet and the Montreal Gazzette

Who's the bigger Bonehead ?
Gazette Goof or Whining Weenie ?

August 22, 2006 - Montreal - Canadian Press

What are the odds of believing you've won the Lotto
6-49 jackpot for a few hours and then realizing your
numbers were wrong?

Ulysse Maillet thought he'd won a share of the
$42-million prize on Aug. 12 after he checked the list of
winning lottery numbers the next day in the Montreal Gazette.

But it turns out the numbers were a repeat of the winning
numbers from the 6-49 draw three days earlier. There was
no disclaimer at the bottom of the page telling readers to
officially check their numbers with the lottery.

Maillet was back at work on Monday after taking a week off
to deal with the shock of realizing he was not $10 million

"That's what I really had won as far as I was concerned for
four or five hours," Maillet said in an interview. "Everybody
was saying what are the chances of something like this

Now Maillet is seeking "a fair settlement" from the
newspaper for the "devastation" he says he suffered.


Thanks to Dianne for sending in this picture:


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From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Leesa

Dear Webby
I see someone else has questions about PPS files today,
so thought I'd ask you about this one.  I love these pictures,
and would like to use them as my desktop wall paper......
one at a time, of course.  How can I save them individually
into my wallpaper folder?  Obviously, I can't right click
'cause the save option isn't there.

Appreciate your help, again.

Have a wonderful day.


Dear Leesa
You need a graphics program like for example PSP
(PaintShopPro) for that.
Open that, then open the PPS slide show. When you
get to a picture that you want, hit the PrintScreen key.
That prints the picture into the clipboard.

Then use ALT ESC to jump to PSP, hit CTRL V to paste
the clipboard as a new picture. Save the picture and zoom
the view down to thumbnail size. (Just the view, not the
picture size.)

ALT ESC back to the PPS slide show, proceed until you get
to the next picture that you want, and repeat the procedure.

Have FUN!


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A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor
and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.
After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly,
"Crushed nuts?"

"Nope," he replied, "Arthritis..


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The shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand-new business
much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge
sign which read BEST DEALS.

He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his
right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign,

The shopkeeper was panicked, until he got an idea.
He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop. It read:



Deeli's Kudos
August 22, 2006 - Isabela, Puerto Rico - AP

The world's oldest person celebrated his 115th birthday
Monday, offering advice on healthy living at a party where
he was serenaded by a well-known Puerto Rican singer.

Emiliano Mercado del Toro, who was a boy when the
United States seized Puerto Rico from Spain in 1898,
attributed his long life to a healthy diet and avoiding alcohol.

"I never damaged my body with liquor," said Mercado, who
quit a 76-year smoking habit when he was 90.

Mercado was declared the world's oldest person by the
Guinness Book of Records last year.


The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at
You can post your questions there and read current and past
queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at,  and she will post it into the blog for you.


Daily tip from
Carry Extra Zip-Lock Bags When Traveling
When you travel, throw in a few extra zip-lock bags.
They are great for wet swimsuits, a half-full bottle of
shampoo, some animal crackers for the car, or even to
fill with ice at the motel to use in the cooler while you
drive. - Kate
Tip provided by

I also use them for e-tickets, maps, map-quest print-outs,
and rental car paperwork. When hiking, I use them for
keeping the camera dry in sudden rain squalls, and quite
often I have filled them with berries or mushrooms I found
on route.
DearWebby also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
Subscribe and get access to their new
Printable Coupon page!
Highly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!

If you like the list, you can vote for it here: ... ;/font>


Keli was having trouble with her computer. So she called
Paul, the computer guy, over to her desk. Paul clicked a
couple buttons and solved the problem. As he was walking
away, Keli called after him, "So, what was wrong?"

And Paul replied, "It was an ID Ten T Error."

A puzzled expression ran riot over Keli's face.
"An ID Ten T Error? What's that ... in case I need to fix
it again??"

Paul gave her a grin...
"Haven't you ever heard of an ID Ten T Error before?"

"No," replied Keli.

"Write it down," Paul said, "and I think you'll figure it out."

(She wrote...) I D 1 0 T


Pervert Alert

If you are in any of these towns, please help shield the
families of a fallen hero from the Westboro Perverts

The members of the Westboro Perverts harrass the families of
fallen soldiers and miners during the funeral, and proclaim that
their deaths are Gods punishment for US non-discrimination laws.

 Thur., Aug. 24 10:15 a.m.  Kansas City, Missouri
Perverts plan to picket the funeral for
Army Staff Sgt. Kevin L. Zeigler at
Mount Moriah & Freeman Funeral Home,
10507 Holmes Rd.,
Kansas City, Missouri

Fri., Aug. 25 at 8:15 a.m.  Brooklyn, N.Y.
Perverts plan to harass the funeral for
Marine Capt. John J. McKenna IV at
Immaculate Heart of Mary Catholic Church,
2805 Ft. Hamilton Pkwy.,
Brooklyn, N.Y.

Saturday, August 26 at 9 a.m. Belle Harbor, New York
Perverts plan to harass the funeral for
Lance Cpl. Michael D. Glover at
St. Francis DeSales Church,
139-16 Rockaway Beach Blvd.,
Belle Harbor, New York

Saturday, August 26 at 10:15 a.m. Hood River, Oregon
Perverts plan to harass the memorial for
Petty Officer 2nd Class Marc A. Lee at
Expo Center, 405 Portway Ave.,
Hood River, Oregon

I am not endorsing those non-discrimination laws. Military
hiring practises should not be dictated by the ACLU.
However, I applaud ANY ACTION to shield the bereaved
families of miners and war heroes, - who had absolutely
nothing to do with the Government giving in to the ACLU -,
from those despicable Westboro perverts.



To find a real bugler for military funerals,
browse to


The nurse was walking down the hospital corridor when her
supervisor spotted her. The supervisor couldn't believe it:

The nurses hair was unkempt, her dress wrinkled, and to
top off her overall dishevelment, one of her breasts was
hanging out of the open front of her uniform!

"MISS JENNINGS! How can you account for parading around
the hospital not only looking like a derelict, but with your
breast exposed!"

"Oh," said the nurse, as she stuffed her breast into her
uniform, "It's those darn interns! They NEVER put anything
back when they're through using it!"


Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link:


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Well, , that's all for today.
have FUN !

Dear Webby

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