Dear Webby Humor Letter, Aug 26/06 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  Aug 26, 2006
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Although the world is full of suffering,
it is also full of the overcoming of it.
-- Helen Keller

Advertising may be described as the science of arresting
the human intelligence long enough to get money from it.
-- Stephen Leacock
======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Thanks to martin for this story:
A Hebrew teacher stood in front of his class and said,
"The Jewish people have observed their 5,759th year as a
people. Consider that the Chinese, for example, have only
observed their 4,692nd year as a people.
Now what does it mean to you?"

After a moment of silence, a chubby student raised his hand.
"Yes, David," the teacher said. "What does it mean?"

"Well," David replied "It means that the Jews had to go
without Chinese food for 1,067 years."

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninny" award goes to
    us.army.mil  for inappropriate censorship
   and
   Yahoo mail  for gross incompetence

===========================================

"Look at ME!" boasted the fit old man to a group of young
people. "Every morning I do fifty push-ups, fifty sit-ups
and walk two miles. I'm fit as a fiddle! And you want to
know why? I don't smoke, I don't drink, I don't stay up
late, and I don't chase after women!"

He smiled at them, teeth white, eyes glittering, "And
tomorrow, I'm going to celebrate my 95th birthday!"

"Oh, really?" drawled one of the young onlookers,
"How, with an extra dry bran muffin?"

===========================================

Give a friend
a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter

===========================================

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to two Kansas City crooks

Last Swim

Kansas City, Kansas - AP
A burglary suspect decided to shed his clothes and go for
a swim in an effort to flee from authorities.

Authorities said the whole thing started when they were
called to a home for a report of an armed home invasion
in progress. When they arrived, two men fled, fired shots
at the officers and then eventually ended up near the
Kansas River.

It was there that one man was taken into custody while
trying to scale a fence. The other suspect ran into the
river, took off his clothes and tried swimming away from
authorities.

The suspect swam for 45 minutes as officers looked on from
the shore. Then rescuers in a fire department boat paddled
out to try and apprehend him, but he didn't want to cooperate.

Finally, the man was taken into custody after authorities
chased him down in the water. The two men were in custody
awaiting charges.

===========================================

Thanks to Sandie for sending in this picture of Friday's
storm:


08/25/06

===========================================


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==================================
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Chuck
Re: DisKeeper

Dear Webby,
Bonnie seemed concerned about diskeeper. I also have
diskeeper 9, best item money can by for the computer!
I myself just go in a couple times a week and run it
manually. Love to watch it in action. I put it on the
performance header and watch the red disappear!
They have come out with the 10 series, but my nine works
just fine and fast and i'm more than happy!

   I have learned so much from your computer tips.
Thank you!
I have saved 90% of the humor letters over the last couple
of years. I say this because if you ever want to put together
an online or "blast from the past" listing all your tips, which
would go over well with us trying to learn how this machine
works, I will put it to disk and send to you.
Keep up the good work! and thank you for the laughs!
cjw

Dear Chuck
I agree with you 100% that DisKeeper is undisputably the
best hard drive maintenance program, and as essential
to a computer as a helmet is for motorcycle racing. Sure,
some people have nothing up there worth protecting, but
for those of us who do, DisKeeper is a real bargain. That
is why I have featured it in the side menu for so many years.

Regarding old tech tips, as soon as we get the new, metric
100 hour days, I definitely want to put them all into one
condensed collection.

In the meantime I started a Blog at
http://webby.com/humor/blog
to make it easy to look up previous Humor Letters. Until I
figure out how to slide older ones behind the new ones,
I will just add the new ones every day.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

==========================================

    DONEVIN'S HINT: Having YOUR own PROGRAM with
    no product of your own and no service  required! Take
    a look now and find out how you can start taking home
    the kind of money you've been looking for. Go to
    http://jos.org/donevin

===========================================

Rosy and Nina were best of friends and did everything to-
gether. Rosy announced that she was going to start a diet
to lose some pounds.

"Good," Nina exclaimed. "I'm ready to start a diet too. We
can be diet buddies and help each other out. When I feel
the urge to drive out and get a burger and fries, I'll call
you first."

"Great," Rosy replied. "Let's go to Burger King!"

==========================================

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==========================================

Thanks to Mike for this story:
I took my 4 year old son, Josh, out to McDonald's for dinner
one evening for a "guy night".

As we were eating our hamburgers, Josh asked "Daddy, what
are these little things on the hamburger buns?"

I responded that they were tiny seeds and were ok to eat.

He was quiet for a couple of minutes and I could tell he
was in deep thought.

Finally, Josh looked up and said, "Dad, if we go home and
plant these hamburger seeds in our backyard, we will have
enough hamburgers to last forever."

===========================================

Deeli's Kudos
Newport Beach, California - AP
A woman saved her 13-year-old son's life after following a
hunch that the 4-foot deep trench he was digging, collapsed
on him, officials said.

Dylan Scott was recovering at home Monday from the scrapes
and bruises he sustained when the sand fell in on him.

''It's creepy,'' he said. ''I just remember something really
heavy fell on me.''

Wendy Scott, 41, said she didn't see Dylan when she
retuned to the beach after briefly joining her 10-year old
in the water Sunday.

Other beach visitors told her Dylan had gone swimming,
but she sensed he was buried in the sand, she said.

Onlookers began helping her dig when she clawed through
the sand and touched Dylan's head, she said.

The boy wasn't breathing and had turned blue by the time
rescuers arrived, she said. He was revived at a hospital.

=============================================


The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
http://fire-cat.com/blog/
You can post your questions there and read current and past
queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at
empress@fire-cat.com,  and she will post it into the blog for you.

=============================================

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Ziploc Bags for Outfits 
I have two preschool daughters. When we travel, I pack
outfits in gallon sized ziploc bags. I include top, shorts,
underwear and socks. That way, they can take a pack and
dress themselves and I don't have to sort through all of
the clothes each day. This really helps since they wear
similar sizes and it's hard to keep them separated. - Ann
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com

Check out their new Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFun
http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml 
Subscribe and get access to their new
Printable Coupon page!
Highly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest

If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html? ... ;/font>

========================================

A friend hosted a dinner party for people from work and
everyone was encouraged to bring their children.  All during
the sit-down dinner, one co-worker's three-year-old girl
stared at the man sitting across from her.  The girl could
hardly eat her food from staring.

The man checked his tie, felt his face for food, patted
his hair in place, but nothing stopped her from staring at
him.  He tried his best to just ignore her, but finally it
was too much for him. He asked her,
"Why are you staring at me?"

Everyone at the table had noticed her behavior and the
table went quiet for her response.  The little girl said,
"I'm just waiting to see how you drink like a fish."

========================================

Pervert Alert

If you are near any of these towns, please help shield the
families of a fallen hero from the Westboro Perverts

The members of the Westboro Perverts harrass the families of
fallen soldiers and miners during the funeral, and proclaim that
their deaths are Gods punishment for US non-discrimination laws.


Saturday, August 26 at 9 a.m. Belle Harbor, New York
Perverts plan to harass the funeral for
Lance Cpl. Michael D. Glover at
St. Francis DeSales Church,
139-16 Rockaway Beach Blvd.,
Belle Harbor, New York

Saturday, August 26 at 10:15 a.m. Hood River, Oregon
Perverts plan to harass the memorial for
Petty Officer 2nd Class Marc A. Lee at
Expo Center, 405 Portway Ave.,
Hood River, Oregon

Saturday, August 26 at 10:15 a.m. St. Stephen, South Carolina
Perverts plan to harass the funeral for
Marine Sgt. John P. Phillips at
Russellville Christian Church,
1681 Highway 35,
St. Stephen, South Carolina

Sat. Aug. 26  at 9:45 a.m. Onalaska, Wisconsin
Perverts plan to harass the funeral for
Air Force Sr. Airman Adam P. Servais at
St. Patrick's Catholic Church,
1031 Main St.,
Onalaska, Wisconsin.

Tuesday, August 29 at 9:45 a.m. Northville, Michigan
Perverts plan to harass the funeral for
Army Pvt. Joseph R. Blake at
Ward Evangelical Presbyterian Church,
40000 6-mile Rd.,
Northville, Michigan

Tues., Aug. 29 at 10:15 a.m. Redmond, Oregon
Perverts plan to harass the funeral for
Marine Lance Cpl. Randy L. Newman at
Hooker Creek Event Center,
Deschutes Co. Fairground,
Redmond, Oregon

Tuesday, August 29  at 10:15 a.m. Hiawatha, Kansas.
Perverts plan to harass the funeral for
Army Cpl. Jeremiah S. Cole at
First Baptist Church, 210 Lodge Road,
Hiawatha, Kansas.



I am not endorsing those non-discrimination laws. Military
hiring practises should not be dictated by the ACLU.
However, I applaud ANY ACTION to shield the bereaved
families of miners and war heroes, - who had absolutely
nothing to do with the Government giving in to the ACLU -,
from those despicable Westboro perverts.

DearWebby

========================================

To find a real bugler for military funerals,
browse to
Buglers

========================================

An attorney telephoned the governor just after midnight,
insisting that he talk to him regarding a matter of utmost
urgency.  An aide eventually agreed to wake up the governor.
The governor grumbled as he answered the phone and said,
"So, what is it?"

"Judge Quincy has just died," the attorney told him,
"and I want to take his place."

The governor said, "Well, that's okay with me,
if it's okay with the undertaker."

========================================

Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link:
Foto Community
http://www.fotocommunity.com/

========================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

Give a free gift subscription to a friend!
========================================

Well, , that's all for today.
have FUN !

Dear Webby





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