Dear Webby Humor Letter, Aug 28/06 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  Aug 28, 2006

When things start to make sense,
THAT'S when to hit the panic button.
-- Pat D

An expert is a person who avoids small errors
as he sweeps on to the grand fallacy.
-- Benjamin Stolberg

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

Thanks to Sandie for this story:
When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter
Paradise , God appeared and said, "I want the men to make
two lines.
One line for the men who were true heads of their household,
and the other line for the men who were dominated by their
I want all the women to report to St. Peter."

Soon, the women were gone, and there were two lines of men.

The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was
100 miles long, and in the line of men who truly were heads
of their household, there was only one man.

God said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves,
I created you to be the head of your household! You have
been disobedient and have not fulfilled your purpose!
Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him."

God turned to the one man, "How did you manage to be the
only one in this line?"

The man replied, "My wife told me to stand here."


  A "Sniveling Ninny" award goes to  for inappropriate censorship
   and  for  for inappropriate censorship

The Navy, Airforce and Coastguard have no problem with
the Humor Letter, only the Sniveling Ninnies at the Army
Censorship consider the Humor Letter as too naughty for
the Infantry soldiers. Has somebody been in Fort Huachuca
too long and wants to give the Army a bad name?


Wendy was reading a newspaper, while James, her husband,
was engrossed in a magazine. Suddenly, she burst out
laughing. "Listen to this," she said.
"There's a classified ad here where a guy is offering to
swap his wife for a season ticket to the stadium."

"Hmmm," James said, not looking up from his magazine.
Teasing him, Wendy said, "Would you swap me for a
season ticket?"

"Absolutely not," he said.

"How sweet," Wendy said. "Tell me why not."

"Season's more than half over," he said.


Give a friend
a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter


Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
goes to New York City traffic ticket enforcement

Close, but not close enough

August 25, 2006 - New York - AP
Lisa Sims was socked with a $50 traffic ticket for running
a red light on a street in Manhattan's Greenwich Village on
June 24. A police camera took a picture of a sedan with
license plates beginning with the letters "D-O-N."

The problem? Sims was 630 miles away in Middletown,
Ohio, when the violation occurred, and she drives a pickup
bearing plates that begin with "D-Q-N."

The ticket was thrown out this week, but not before Sims
had to spend a long time dealing with the city's Finance
Department and mail in proof that the car caught on camera
wasn't hers.

A Finance Department spokesman said there's a process
for dealing with mixups, and in this case, it worked

Sims isn't so sure. She said while she didn't want to go to
New York City to begin with, she really doesn't want to now.


Thanks to Jlona for sending this picture:
Some folks who live in the Goldenview part of the Hillside
area in Anchorage just built this playground in their yard
last weekend for their 3 and 4 year-old boys. The next
morning, the mom woke up to this scene. Four juvenile
black bears. Somewhere in the trees was the mother sow.

Later that same day, a large bull moose moseyed around
in the wood chips, inspecting the area.

It appears they may need to erect a 12-foot fence around
the thing before letting any children out to play there.


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From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Ellen
Re: Satellite modem

Dear Webby
Can I use a satellite dish like the one advertised farther up
and a satellite modem for our business here in Montana?

Dear Ellen
Theoretically, yes. Practically, no.
I would not advise satellite modems for business purposes
anywhere north of the Mason/Dixon line. Even though you can
get a beautiful TV picture even up in Alaska, the signal has
to travel through too much polluted air to be able to maintain
a high speed connection reliably at all times in Montana.

Sure, you could use a satellite modem and connect quite
often. However, "quite often" is not good enough for a
business. Even in Florida or Texas or Arizona, practically
directly below the satellite, you need a land line dial-up
back-up for times of bad weather.

That has nothing to do with the satellite dish or the channel
dealer. It's strictly a matter of dirty air and bad weather
interfering with high speed data transfer.

In your area it is probably best to just use the satellite
dish for TV.

Have FUN!


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    the kind of money you've been looking for. Go to


Tammy called up the airline ticket counter and asked,
"How long are your flights from Los Angeles to Phoenix?"

The counterman answered, "Just a minute."

At which, Tammy thanked him and hung up.


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From Paul:
My wife and I are inseparable.

In fact, last week it took four Mounties and a police dog
to keep us apart


Deeli's Kudos
August 22, 2006 - Hannibal, Missouri  - AP

An 80-year-old milk man who delivered to five generations
of residents has reluctantly retired after 70 years of friendly,
prompt service.

At age 10, Clyde Priest began delivering milk to help his
father. By the time he retired 70 years later on July 20,
he had outlived eight local dairies that provided his products.

Priest was so well known and trusted that customers allowed
him to put milk, ice cream and other dairy purchases in
their refrigerator when they weren't home.

"My theory all these years has been: You could buy milk
anywhere, so the only thing I got to sell is my personal
service. That was my philosophy," he said.

An emergency appendectomy in July forced his retirement.
While he recuperated in the hospital, his family made his
last delivery for him.

Priest said the trick to running a successful business is
liking what you do and being willing to put in extra effort.

"I loved every minute of it," he said. "I would say if you
are willing to work and dedicate yourself to it, you can


The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at
You can post your questions there and read current and past
queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at,  and she will post it into the blog for you.


Daily tip from
Rolling Existing Car Loans Into a New Car Purchase
Don't buy a new car if you haven't paid off your old one
unless you have equity accumulated. One common practice
at dealerships is to offer to roll the balance of an
existing loan into the financing for a new car. It usually
creates a situation where you are taking a loan that is
greater than the value of the car you are buying. While
this makes it easy to leave the car lot with a sparkling
new car, it's bad practice for consumers and a financial
boon for dealers and lenders. Anything that is good for
them, is usually bad for you.
Tip provided by

Check out their new Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
Subscribe and get access to their new
Printable Coupon page!
Highly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!

If you like the list, you can vote for it here: ... ;/font>


I just came across this old tech support story. Totally
obsolete, but too good to just let it die.
Keep in mind that this is from a very long time ago,
when Windows came on a stack of floppy disks and when
a Mac's standard way of dealing with a PC floppy was to
destroy all data on it and format it.

An unfailingly polite lady called to ask for help with a
Windows installation that had gone terribly wrong.

Customer: "I brought my Windows disks from work to
install them on my home computer."

Training stresses that we are "not the Software Police,"
so I let the little act of piracy slide.

Tech Support: "Umm-hmm. What happened?"

Customer: "As I put each disk in it turns out they weren't

Tech Support: "Do you remember the message exactly,

Customer: (proudly) "I wrote it down. 'This is not a
Macintosh disk. Would you like to initialize it?'"

Tech Support: "Er, what happened next?"

Customer: "After they were initialized, all the disks
appeared to be blank. And now I brought them back to work,
and I can't read them in the A: drive; the PC wants to
format them. And this is our only set of Windows disks
for the whole office. Did I do something wrong?"


Pervert Alert

If you are near any of these towns, please help shield the
families of a fallen hero from the Westboro Perverts

The members of the Westboro Perverts harrass the families of
fallen soldiers and miners during the funeral, and proclaim that
their deaths are Gods punishment for US non-discrimination laws.

Tuesday, August 29 at 9:45 a.m. Northville, Michigan
Perverts plan to harass the funeral for
Army Pvt. Joseph R. Blake at
Ward Evangelical Presbyterian Church,
40000 6-mile Rd.,
Northville, Michigan

Tues., Aug. 29 at 10:15 a.m. Redmond, Oregon
Perverts plan to harass the funeral for
Marine Lance Cpl. Randy L. Newman at
Hooker Creek Event Center,
Deschutes Co. Fairground,
Redmond, Oregon

Tuesday, August 29  at 10:15 a.m. Hiawatha, Kansas
Perverts plan to harass the funeral for
Army Cpl. Jeremiah S. Cole at
First Baptist Church, 210 Lodge Road,
Hiawatha, Kansas.

Tuesday, August 29 at 9:45 a.m. Cheyenne, Wyoming
Perverts plan to harass the funeral for
Army Pfc. James J. Arellano at
St. Mary's Cathedral,
100 W. 21st St.,
Cheyenne, Wyoming

Saturday, Sept. 2 at 12:15 p.m. Tucson, Arizona
Perverts plan to harass the funeral for
Navy Hospitalman Chadwick T. Kenyon at
Evergreen Mortuary, 3015 N. Oracle Rd.,
Tucson, Arizona.

I am not endorsing those non-discrimination laws. Military
hiring practises should not be dictated by the ACLU.
However, I applaud ANY ACTION to shield the bereaved
families of miners and war heroes, - who had absolutely
nothing to do with the Government giving in to the ACLU -,
from those despicable Westboro perverts.



To find a real bugler for military funerals,
browse to


Dear Webby,
I just wanted to thank you for having Babelfish.
I used it for the first time to translate a letter into Dutch,
and am so very pleased, as I have a hard time understanding
my Dutch friends, and I know they must have a bit of a
problem understanding me, as it has been 20 years since
they were in Canada. So thank you for having this on your
Yours truly, Fummer

Amazing what you can find in that side menu!


Thanks to Sandie for this Bonus Link:
Strangest things in space


, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

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Well, , that's all for today.
have FUN !

Dear Webby

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