Dear Webby Humor Letter, Aug 30/06 

Good Morning!
Wednesday,  Aug 30, 2006
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Morality, like art, means drawing a line someplace.
-- Oscar Wilde

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps
it from betting on people.
-- W. C. Fields

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

The census taker knocked on an old lady's door.  He asked her
several questions and she answered all of them except one.
She refused to tell him her age.

"But everyone tells their age to the census taker," he said.

"Did Miss Maisy Hill and Miss Daisy Hill tell you their ages?"
she asked stubbornly.

"Certainly," the census taker replied.

Then the lady snapped, "Well, I'm the same age as they are."

So, the census taker remarked: OK, I'll put down,
"As old as the Hills."

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  A "Sniveling Ninny" award goes to
   Telus.net  for inappropriate censorship
   and
   Yahoo  mail  for gross incompetence

===========================================

The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from
work one day, "I have great news for you.  Pretty soon we're
going to be three in this house instead of two."

The husband started glowing with happiness.  He kissed
his wife and said, "Oh darling, this makes me the happiest
person in the world."

And she said, "I'm so happy you feel this way.
I was worried that you wouldn't like my mother."

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Give a friend
a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter

===========================================

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
(sent in by Dawn P)
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to British Airways

Lost Leg

August 29, 2006 - London - Dominion Post

In just seven days Paralympic athlete Kate Horan is due to
line up in the 100 meters at the IPC Athletics World
Championships in Assen in the Netherlands. But there's a
hitch  British Airways has lost her leg.

The Wellington athlete's $10,000 running leg has been
missing for more than a week, sitting somewhere in a
London warehouse with 20,000 other pieces of luggage.
"It's the worlds  this is the biggest event apart from the
Paralympics," Horan said. She has been preparing for the
championships for two years.

Since British authorities foiled a terrorist plot to attack
flights out of Heathrow Airport, increased security has
forced travelers to limit their carry-on luggage.

For Horan that meant she had to check in her running leg
for the short flight from London to Amsterdam a week ago.

It was the first time the unique leg was not with her as
carry-on luggage. And British Airways told her there was
little it could do. "They said there's 20,000 bags sitting in
Heathrow and mine is just one of them. I was told they
don't know where it is."

Horan is now in a race against time with manufacturer
Otto Bock and Ossur, which will attempt to build her
another leg in time for the world championships.
"I head to Holland today," she said. "And I'm going straight
to the factory. These sort of legs take weeks to fine tune.
At the moment that's the only possibility I've got.

"All the time that I should be training and getting myself
ready, I'm going to be spending trailing this leg and trying
to get a leg that fits."

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Thanks to Nita for sending this picture:



===========================================


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==================================
From the Tech Support Pits:
From:
Re:

Dear Webby
I always enjoy the pictures you (and your friends and family)
send for the Humor Letter and wonder how I can take such
good ones. I thought I would ask you since your pictures
have always been great.  Our current camera is a Canon
PowerShot A80 4.0 megapixels that we bought in May 2004.
It is getting battered thanks to my daughter hauling it around
and slinging it everywhere, but the pictures just have not
been all that thrilling.  The zoom is also inadequate --we
took a whale watching ride from Friday Harbor this weekend
and while I did capture some cavorting whales they are tiny
in the photo although the zoom was set to maximum.
SO, can you recommend a camera that can work indoors
and out, and grab far away images while also allowing
closeups, or are we asking too much for a single camera?
Thanks for any advice!!

Best, Susan

Dear Susan
I use a 2005 Canon Powershot 2S-IS and I am very happy with it.
It has 12x zoom and a big lens that reaches far into the dark.
To steady the picture on long zoom shots, where a tiny jitter
can move the focus a long way, it has a built in image stabilizer.

There is a 3S available now, but I am in no way lusting to
upgrade from the 2S. I can highly recommend it.

Here is a picture from earlier this month: Lundgren Falls


Have FUN!
DearWebby

==========================================

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===========================================

A child was on his first visit to the country at his grandparents'
ranch and feeding the chickens fascinated him.  Early one morning
he caught his first glimpse of a peacock strutting in the yard.
He rushed into the house, where his grandmother was making
breakfast and exclaimed, "Grandma, come and see!
One of the chickens is in bloom!"

==========================================

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==========================================

Johnnie's Teacher paid a visit to his house one day.  When
little Johnny opened the door, she asked
"Johnnie, are your father and mother in?"

"They was in, but they is out." he answered.

The teacher gasped, "Why, Johnnie, it is 'They
 were in, they are out' Where's your grammar?"

"She's upstairs having a nap."

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Deeli's Kudos
August 27, 2006 - Crown Point, Ind. - AP

A judge detained and questioned a row of spectators when
a cell phone rang for a third time in her courtroom, later
ordering two people to serve community service for
contempt of court.

When no one admitted having the ringing phones Wednesday,
Lake County Criminal Court Judge Diane Boswell told all
five people in the row to sit in chairs reserved for jail inmates.
They stayed there for more than an hour until the morning
court call ended.

Boswell found three people in contempt of court because
they initially refused to say who had the ringing phones.

Cynthia Cannon of Gary agreed to pay a $100 fine after
admitting that her phone was one of those that went off.
The judge ordered her to do community service, but
Cannon declined, saying she can't work or sit for long
periods of time due to a disability.

Verdell Berry Jr., of Merrillville, said he had two phones.
One was off, the other he turned off when Boswell warned
the gallery about the phones. The sound of it powering
down is what she heard, Berry said.

He admitted he didn't speak up to explain that when Boswell
first asked.

Shonique Freeman, of Gary, said she knew it was Berry's
phone, but she didn't offer the information, either.

Boswell ordered both Berry and Freeman to serve 40 hours
of community service.

"The next time you come to court, don't bring your cell
phone," Boswell said. "And when the court asks a question,
answer the question."

=============================================


The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
http://fire-cat.com/blog/
You can post your questions there and read current and past
queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at
empress@fire-cat.com,  and she will post it into the blog for you.

=============================================

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========================================

Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands.
When Adam stayed out late for a few nights, Eve became
upset. "You're running around with other women," she charged.

"You're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You're the
only woman on earth."

The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be
awakened by someone poking him in the chest.

It was Eve. "What do you think you're doing?" Adam
demanded.
"Counting your ribs," said Eve.

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Pervert Alert

If you are near any of these towns, please help shield the
families of a fallen hero from the Westboro Perverts

The members of the Westboro Perverts harrass the families of
fallen soldiers and miners during the funeral, and proclaim that
their deaths are Gods punishment for US non-discrimination laws.



Wednesday, Aug. 30  at 10:15 a.m. Tacoma, Washington.
Perverts plan to harass the funeral for
Army Sgt. Gabriel G. DeRoo
at Temple Baptist Church,
1108 S. Columbia Ave.,
Tacoma, Washington.

Wednesday, Aug. 30 at 1:15 p.m. Salt Lake City, Utah 
Perverts plan to harass the funeral for
Marine Cpl. Adam A. Galvez  at
Calvary Chapel,
460 W. Century Drive,
Salt Lake City, Utah.

Thursday, Aug. 31  at 8:15 a.m. Murfreesboro, Tennessee
Perverts plan to harass the funeral for
Lance Cpl. James D. Hirlston at
Murfreesboro Funeral Home,
145 Innsbrooke Blvd.,
Murfreesboro, Tennessee

Saturday, Sept. 2 at 9:15 a.m. Jacksonville, Florida
Perverts plan to harass the funeral for
Army Sgt. Wakkuna A. Jackson  at
All People International Church,
1993 Edgewood Ave.,
Jacksonville, Florida

Saturday, Sept. 2 at 12:15 p.m. Tucson, Arizona
Perverts plan to harass the funeral for
Navy Hospitalman Chadwick T. Kenyon at
Evergreen Mortuary, 3015 N. Oracle Rd.,
Tucson, Arizona.

Sunday, Sept. 3 at 1:15 p.m.  Montrose, Colorado
Perverts plan to harass the funeral for
Army Spc. Christopher F. Sitton at
Montrose High School,
600 S. Selig Ave.,
Montrose, Colorado


Hood River, OR, August 26 Perverts picketing the Memorial
service for Petty Officer 2nd Class Marc A. Lee


On August 2, 2006, 28-year-old Lee held off enemy insurgents
in Ramadi, Iraq, and secured enough time for his team to
rescue a wounded soldier on an exposed rooftop. For Lee,
the battle lasted about two hours before enemy machine gun
fire brought him down.
He has been rewarded the Bronze Star with Valor, the
Purple Heart, the Silver Star, and Combat Action Ribbon
for his bravery. In his native Oregon, the governor decreed
August 10, 2006, as a day of mourning for Lee.

I am not endorsing those non-discrimination laws. Military
hiring practises should not be dictated by the ACLU.
However, I applaud ANY ACTION to shield the bereaved
families of miners and war heroes, - who had absolutely
nothing to do with the Government giving in to the ACLU -,
from those despicable Westboro perverts.

DearWebby

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To find a real bugler for military funerals,
browse to
Buglers

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Thanks to Phil for this report:
My boss wanted a "Clean Desk" policy, so
he sent a memo saying that any paper left
on desks would be removed at night and
we would have to fill out a form to get it back.

So we left all our garbage paper on our desks
every night.

next day, the boss had an office full of garbage,
and we never heard about the policy again.

========================================

Thanks to Sandie for this Bonus Link:
Foto Gallerie
http://www.fotocommunity.de/pc/pc/mypics/12278

========================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

Give a free gift subscription to a friend!
========================================

Well, , that's all for today.
have FUN !

Dear Webby






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