Dear Webby Humor Letter, Aug 31/06 

Good Morning !
Thursday,  Aug 31, 2006

There is only one way to bring up a child in the way he
should go and that is to travel that way yourself.
-- Abraham Lincoln

In every work of genius we recognize our own rejected
thoughts; they come back to us with a certain
alienated majesty.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

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A two-year-old daughter was with her mother while her older
sister was being examined by a dentist.  The two-year-old
kept herself busy playing with toys in the waiting room until
she noticed that her mom was resting, with her eyes closed.

With about six other patients waiting, the child toddled up
to her mother, looked her straight in the face and shook her.
"Mommy," she yelled, "wake up!  This is not church!"


  A "Sniveling Ninny" award goes to  for inappropriate censorship
   Yahoo  mail  for gross incompetence


Thanks to Lisa for this story:

I was in my car one day listening to a guy on the radio
help callers with their home problems. One woman called up
hysterical after finding a skunk in her basement.

"Leave a trail of breadcrumbs or cat food from your basement
to your backyard," suggested the show's host. "That'll get
rid of it."

An hour later the woman called back, even more upset.
"Now I have TWO skunks in my basement!"


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Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
(sent in by Dawn P)
goes to Cell phone makers

Phones are security risks

August 30, 2006 - Washington - AP

The Associated Press has uncovered a piece of information
that could save you a lot of embarrassment or worse.

It turns out that when you upgrade to a new cell phone and
get rid of your old one, those old text messages may go
with it.

"Resetting" the phone to clear the slate can be a lot more
difficult than owners think, meaning the new owner can get
a look at a lot of sensitive information. Used phones checked
by the Virginia security company, Trust Digital, contained
information ranging from sensitive corporate negotiations
to a married man's chit-chat with his girlfriend to bank
account numbers and passwords.

Most manufacturers offer instructions on how to completely
erase cell-phone data, but in one case it involves pushing
so many buttons simultaneously, that it's a two-person job.
One security expert said the best thing to do may be to
heave the old phone under a truck.


That reminds me,....
Phone disposal takes new tone
ANYONE wanting to throw away their mobile phone can do it
in style at the Mobile Phone Throwing World Championship
in Finland.

Originally a local event in this small town close to the
Russian border, the seventh annual contest drew some
100 throwers from as far afield as Canada, Russia and

Founder Christine Lund describes the event as light
exercise with an environmentally friendly twist. ... 1274312006


Thanks to Roberta for sending this picture:

Falls in Honesdale, PA


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From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Angie

Dear Webby,
I have always used browser FTP to up and download files,
but with my new web host I can't do that any more. I was
told to get a proper, grown-up FTP program. Snobs!
I looked around and there are hundreds of them availale.
Which one would you recommend, preferably one that is
not too expensive?

Dear Angie
Second best is BulletProof. I have used it for many years
and bought a lifetime license for it about 8 years ago.

Best is Filezilla. I am slowly migrating the log-on data for
the hundreds of our clients from BulletProof over to
Filezilla. That's a lot of work, but worth it. FileZilla is
that much better. And it's free!

So that you don't have to battle all the detours on FileHippo
or similar download sites, I put it into my toolbox at

Have FUN!


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Style and fashion intrude into all walks of our lives. Two fellows
who had been rivals all their lives followed different career
paths. One eventually became an Admiral in the Navy, the
other went into the Catholic Church and became a Bishop.

As fate would have it, they happened to meet at the Airport.
The Bishop spied the Admiral first and said loudly,
"Oh Porter, from what gate is the flight to Dallas leaving?"
The Admiral approached, bowed, and said
"Gate 7 Madame, but should you be traveling in your condition ?"


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A chief and an admiral were sitting in the barber shop. They
were both just getting finished with their shaves--the barbers
were reaching for some aftershave to slap on their faces.

The admiral shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me!
My wife will think I've been in a house of ill repute!"

The chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and
put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a
house of ill repute smells like."


Deeli's Kudos
August 27, 2006 - Lancaster, Texas - AP

More than 500 students in Lancaster, Texas, had their
summer vacations extended after failing to complete their
summer reading assignment  only they weren't exactly on
vacation: The school suspended them until they completed
their assigned reading.

The "get tough" policy is Lancaster Independent School
District's latest effort to improve reading scores and
overall performance in a suburban school that is described
by many as "struggling and underachieving."

"Our kids canno
t afford to have summer or winter breaks
off," says Larry Lewis, school district superintendent.
"Sixty to 75 percent of our students are reading two to
five years below their grade level."

This is the second straight year the Lancaster School
District has put in place such a policy.

Last year 1,100 students were sent home for failing to
complete the summer reading project.

"A lot of parents were shocked by the suspensions then,"
says Lewis. "But this year the whole city was involved,
and most people were supportive."

Parents got caught up in the reading project, and reminders
to complete the reading assignments were everywhere 
on restaurant menus and on street signs announcing
"Summer Reading Due the First Day of School."

Lewis says many of the students that didn't do the
assignment on time acted out intentionally against
the policy.

"Some of the kids formed pacts that they weren't going to
do the work," he says. "But compared to last year, there
was a big improvement."

Of the 519 students suspended, all but 93 returned to
school the following day having completed their work.

This is just one of the challenges Lewis and other
Lancaster school officials face as the No Child Left
Behind edict increases the pressure on schools across
the country to get reading scores up or lose federal funding.

While the punishment may seem tough to some people, reading
scores have gone up and students are more motivated and
opting to take more rigorous courses, according to Lewis.


The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at
You can post your questions there and read current and past
queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at,  and she will post it into the blog for you.


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Thanks to Irma for this story:
One day, while driving with my 5 year old daughter
Melanie, I beeped the horn by mistake. She turned and
looked at me as if she was demanding an explanation.

I said, "I did that by accident..."

She replied, "I know that....'cause you didn't yell
'@#$%&!' after beeping!"


Pervert Alert

If you are near any of these towns, please help shield the
families of a fallen hero from the Westboro Perverts

The members of the Westboro Perverts harrass the families of
fallen soldiers and miners during the funeral, and proclaim that
their deaths are Gods punishment for US non-discrimination laws.

Thursday, August 31 at 12:15 p.m.  Chillicothe, Ohio
Perverts plan to harass the funeral for
Air Force Master Sgt. Brad A. Clemmons  at
Haller Funeral Home,
1661 Western Ave.,
Chillicothe, Ohio

Thursday, August 31 at 10:45 a.m.  Rockville, Maryland.
Perverts plan to harass the funeral for
Army Spc. Thomas J. Barbieri at
St. Mary's Catholic Church,
520 Veirs Mill Rd.,
Rockville, Maryland.

Thursday, Aug. 31  at 8:15 a.m. Murfreesboro, Tennessee
Perverts plan to harass the funeral for
Lance Cpl. James D. Hirlston at
Murfreesboro Funeral Home,
145 Innsbrooke Blvd.,
Murfreesboro, Tennessee

Saturday, Sept. 2 at 9:15 a.m. Jacksonville, Florida
Perverts plan to harass the funeral for
Army Sgt. Wakkuna A. Jackson  at
All People International Church,
1993 Edgewood Ave.,
Jacksonville, Florida

Saturday, Sept. 2 at 12:15 p.m. Tucson, Arizona
Perverts plan to harass the funeral for
Navy Hospitalman Chadwick T. Kenyon at
Evergreen Mortuary, 3015 N. Oracle Rd.,
Tucson, Arizona.

Sunday, Sept. 3 at 1:15 p.m.  Montrose, Colorado
Perverts plan to harass the funeral for
Army Spc. Christopher F. Sitton at
Montrose High School,
600 S. Selig Ave.,
Montrose, Colorado

Sunday, Sept. 3  at 1:15 p.m.  Montrose, Colorado
Perverts plan to harass the funeral for
Army Spc. Christopher F. Sitton at
Montrose High School,
600 S. Selig Ave.,
Montrose, Colorado

I am not endorsing those non-discrimination laws. Military
hiring practises should not be dictated by the ACLU.
However, I applaud ANY ACTION to shield the bereaved
families of miners and war heroes, - who had absolutely
nothing to do with the Government giving in to the ACLU -,
from those despicable Westboro perverts.



To find a real bugler for military funerals,
browse to


The honeymoon couple left the wedding reception and hailed
a cab to take them to their romantic boutique hotel in the hills.
The driver wasn't too sure how to get there, so told the
couple he would ask directions when they got closer to their
destination. Meanwhile, the lovers couldn't wait to
get busy, so they got down to business in the back seat.
During the couple's moment of passion, the cab driver
noticed a fork in the road,
and said, "I take the next turn, right?"
"No way, get your own," said the groom,
"this one's all mine...."


Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link:


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Well, , that's all for today.
have FUN !

Dear Webby

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