Dear Webby Humor Letter, Sept 1/06 

Good Morning,   !
Friday,  September 1, 2006
======================================

Skepticism, like chastity,
should not be relinquished too readily.
-- George Santayana

Great people talk about ideas,
average people talk about things,
and small people talk about wine.
-- Fran Lebowitz

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Thanks to Dave for this story:
As the manager of our hospital's softball team, I was
responsible for returning equipment to the proper owners
at the end of the season.

When I walked into the surgery department carrying a bat
that belonged to one of the surgeons, I passed several
patients and their families in a waiting area.

I heard one man say to his wife,
"Look, honey, here comes your anesthesiologist."

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninny" award goes to
   Yahoo  mail  for gross incompetence
   us.army.mil  for considering the Humor Letter
          as too naughty for the Infantry
                    Telus.net  for inappropriate censorship

===========================================

Thanks to Sandie for this story:
Max was fixing a door and he found that he needed a new
hinge, so he sent his wife Mary to the hardware store.
At the hardware store, Mary saw a beautiful teapot on a
top shelf while she was waiting for Carl, the manager,
to finish waiting on a customer.

When Carl was finished, Mary asked "How much for the
teapot?"
Carl replied, "That's silver and it costs $50!"
"My goodness, that sure is a lotta money!"
Mary exclaimed. Then she proceeded to describe the
hinge that Harlow had sent her to buy, and Carl
went to the back room to find it.

From the back room Carl yelled, "Mary, you wanna screw
for that hinge?"
Mary replied, "No, but I will for the teapot."

This is why you never send a woman to a hardware store.

===========================================

Give a friend
a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter

===========================================

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Pat Carr in Rochester, Minnesota

Fake praise

August 30, 2006 - Rochester, Minnesota - AP
A City Council member and mayoral candidate admitted he
has anonymously praised himself in comments posted on a
newspaper's Web site.

The Post-Bulletin newsroom doesn't regularly check identities
of online users, but a reporter noticed similarities in the
way a user named "127179" writes and Pat Carr talks.

Some of the dozens of messages posted by "127179" since
November found notes of praise for Carr, while some attacked
officials who voted differently from him.

For example, in a comment posted Sunday that answered a
critical comment from another reader, Carr wrote:
"Pat Carr has done nothing but stand up for the silent majority."
A comment posted Friday said: "People that run him down are
special interest groups and insiders that Carr exposes."

Carr acknowledged Monday that he wrote all past comments
except one, which he said was written by a friend visiting
his office.

"If people want to trash me, I have the right to stand up
and defend myself," he said. "I stand by what I said."

Managing Editor Jay Furst sent messages to Carr in April
and July, warning him that if he continued to post
self-congratulatory or misleading comments, the newspaper
might choose to report on it.

He kept it up, and they did.

===========================================

Thanks to Carol for sending this picture:


Bubba is faster than his bike, sometimes.

===========================================


    Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month
    Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation
    Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems
    We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer!
    http://www.AFreeDish.com


==================================
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Allan
Re: SMTP filtering

Dear Webby,
My ISP, Telus, is dumping too much of my outgoing mail with
their mis-configured SMTP filters. How do I get around that?
Writing to their support is useless, they apparently filter
and dump their own responses too.
Thanks
Allan

Dear Allan
Telus DSL is OK for areas where you can't get cable, but
I agree that their mail is definitely not reliable enough
for business purposes. Luckily it's easy enough to get
around them, or any ISP, by using a remote SMTP server.
A very popular and easy to use remote SMTP is at
Softstack
It's easy to set up and it's free.

If you want something fancier with more options, there is
PostCastServer
for $49.

A fringe benefit of using a remote SMTP is that you never
have to change it when you travel. Considering that only
very few hotels nowadays allow you to use their SMTP, you
are never stuck when you use a remote one like Postcast.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

==========================================

    DONEVIN'S HINT: Having YOUR own PROGRAM with
    no product of your own and no service  required! Take
    a look now and find out how you can start taking home
    the kind of money you've been looking for. Go to
    http://jos.org/donevin

===========================================

The pastor shocked the congregation when he announced that
he was resigning from the church and moving to a drier climate.

After the service, a very distraught lady came to the pastor
with tears in her eyes, "Oh, Pastor Bob, we are going to
miss you so much. We don't want you to leave!"

The kindhearted pastor patted her hand and said
"Now, now, Carolyn, don't carry on. The pastor who takes
my place might be even better than me".

"Yeah", she said, with a tone of disappointment in her voice,
"That's what they said the last time too...."

==========================================

    Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
    100% Guarantee & Free shipping
    Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
    Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
    http://www.Ask4Ink.com

==========================================

A lady picked  up several items at a discount
store. When she finally got up to the  checker,
she learned that one of her items had no price tag.
Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the
intercom and  boomed out for all the store to hear,
"PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN,  TAMPAX, SUPER SIZE."

That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store
apparently misunderstood the  word "Tampax" for
"THUMBTACKS."

In a business-like tone, a voice  boomed back over the
intercom. "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR
THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?"

===========================================

Deeli's Kudos
August 28, 2006 - Yulee, Fla. - AP

A kindergarten teacher saved her 5-year-old student by
performing the Heimlich maneuver.

Biscayne Elementary School teacher Jenifer Cochran said
she noticed her student suddenly run to the bathroom with a
bright red face. Craig Baker had swallowed a quarter and it
was trapped in his windpipe.

The teacher tried to get Baker to cough up the quarter, but
soon the boy grew weak and couldn't make any sounds.

She said it took five Heimlich thrusts to force the quarter
out of his windpipe. After the quarter was free, the child
cried with fear and pain from the damage it had done to
his windpipe.

Cochran said she hopes the incident will be a wake-up
call to schools everywhere that teachers need emergency
first-aid training.

=============================================


The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
http://fire-cat.com/blog/
You can post your questions there and read current and past
queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at
empress@fire-cat.com,  and she will post it into the blog for you.

=============================================

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Cleaning Hardwood Floors
Daily cleaning of hardwood floors can be a challenge,
especially if you have pets. The best tool I have found for
daily maintenance of my hardwood floors is a good vacuum
cleaner. Mine has a low setting made for flat floors and it
works well for pet hair, dust and paw prints. Make sure
you let muddy paw prints dry before trying to vacuum.
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
An old-fashioned swivel-head dust mop, either cotton
or microfiber, works very well and fast on sealed hardwood
floors. The only places, that really need slow and noisy
vacuuming, are door sills and where hardwood floors border
carpeted areas.
DerWebby

Check out their new Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFun
http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml 
Subscribe and get access to their new
Printable Coupon page!
Highly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest

If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html? ... ;/font>

========================================

A man was stranded on the proverbial deserted Pacific
island for years. Finally one day a boat comes sailing into
view, and the man frantically waves and draws the skipper's
attention. The boat comes near the island, and the sailor
gets out and greets the stranded man.

After awhile the sailor asks, "What are those three huts
you have here?"

"Well, that's my house there."

"What's that next hut?" asks the sailor.

"I built that hut to be my church."

"What about the other hut?"

"Oh, that's where I used to go to church."

========================================

Pervert Alert

If you are near any of these towns, please help shield the
families of a fallen hero from the Westboro Perverts

The members of the Westboro Perverts harrass the families of
fallen soldiers and miners during the funeral, and proclaim that
their deaths are Gods punishment for US non-discrimination laws.


Saturday, Sept. 2 at 9:15 a.m. Jacksonville, Florida
Perverts plan to harass the funeral for
Army Sgt. Wakkuna A. Jackson  at
All People International Church,
1993 Edgewood Ave.,
Jacksonville, Florida

Saturday, Sept. 2 at 12:15 p.m. Tucson, Arizona
Perverts plan to harass the funeral for
Navy Hospitalman Chadwick T. Kenyon at
Evergreen Mortuary, 3015 N. Oracle Rd.,
Tucson, Arizona.

Sunday, Sept. 3 at 1:15 p.m.  Montrose, Colorado
Perverts plan to harass the funeral for
Army Spc. Christopher F. Sitton at
Montrose High School,
600 S. Selig Ave.,
Montrose, Colorado

Sunday, Sept. 3  at 1:15 p.m.  Montrose, Colorado
Perverts plan to harass the funeral for
Army Spc. Christopher F. Sitton at
Montrose High School,
600 S. Selig Ave.,
Montrose, Colorado

Tues., Sept. 5 at 10:15 a.m. Minden, Nebraska.
Perverts plan to harass the funeral for
Army National Guard Staff Sgt. Jeffrey J. Hansen at
St. Paul Lutheran Church,
206 N. Colorado Av.,
Minden, Nebraska.

Wednesday, September 6 at 12:15 p.m. Boise, Idaho
Perverts plan to harass the funeral for
Army Sgt. Jeremy E. King at
First Church of the Nazarene,
3852 N. Eagle Rd.,
Boise, Idaho


I am not endorsing those non-discrimination laws. Military
hiring practises should not be dictated by the ACLU.
However, I applaud ANY ACTION to shield the bereaved
families of miners and war heroes, - who had absolutely
nothing to do with the Government giving in to the ACLU -,
from those despicable Westboro perverts.

DearWebby

========================================

To find a real bugler for military funerals,
browse to
Buglers

========================================

At a jury trial with the jury consisting of 4 men and 8 women:
Defendant: "Your Honor, I wish to change my plea."

Judge: "Is someone using undue influence to prompt you to
change your mind?"

Defendant: "No sir, when I pled 'Not Guilty' I didn't know there
would be women on the jury. Since I can't ever get anything
past my wife, I'll never be able to convince 8 women jurors...."

========================================

Thanks to Trish for this Bonus Link:
San Pedro Prison
http://snipurl.com/vrrv

========================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

Give a free gift subscription to a friend!
========================================

Well, , that's all for today.
have FUN !

Dear Webby






[ view entry ] ( 2 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3.1 / 273 )

<<First <Back | 142 | 143 | 144 | 145 | 146 | 147 | 148 | 149 | 150 | 151 | Next> Last>>