Dear Webby Humor Letter 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  September 2, 2006

It's good to have money and the things that money can buy,
but it's good, too, to check up once in a while and make
sure that you haven't lost the things that money can't buy.
-- George Horace Lorimer

Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so.
-- Bertrand Russell
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Sister Mary, who worked for a home health agency, was out
making her  rounds  visiting homebound patients when she
ran out of gas.  As luck would have it, a gas station   was just
a block away.

 She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy
some gas.  The attendant told her that the only gas can he
owned had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was

Since the nun was on the way to see a patient, she decided
not to wait and  walked back to her car.  She looked for
something in her car that she could fill  with gas and
spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient.

Always resourceful, she carried the bedpan to the station,
filled it with gas, and carried the full bedpan back to her car.

As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two men watched
from across the street. One of the them turned to the other
and said, "If it starts, I'm turning Catholic."


  A "Sniveling Ninny" award goes to
   Yahoo  mail  for gross incompetence  for inappropriate censorship


Alice Grayson was to bake a cake for the Baptist Church
ladies' group bake sale in Tuscaloosa, but she forgot to
do it until the last minute.

She remembered it the morning of the bake sale and after
rummaging through cabinets she found an angel food cake
mix and quickly made it while drying her hair and dressing
and helping her son Bryan pack up for Scout camp.

But when Alice took the cake from the oven, the center had
dropped flat and the cake was horribly disfigured.

She said, "Oh dear, there's no time to bake another cake."

This cake was so important to Alice because she did so
want to fit in at her new church, and in her new community
of new friends.

So, being inventive, she looked around the house for
something to build up the center of the cake.

Alice found it in the bathroom -- a roll of toilet paper.

She plunked it in and then covered it with icing.
Not only did the finished product look beautiful, it looked

Before she left the house to drop the cake by the church
and head for work, Alice woke her daughter Amanda and
gave her some money and specific instructions to be at the
bake sale the minute it opened at 9:30, and to buy that
cake and bring it home.

When the daughter arrived at the sale, she found that the
attractive perfect cake had already been sold.

Amanda grabbed her cell phone and called her

Alice was horrified she was beside herself. Everyone would
know, what would they think?

Oh, my she wailed! She would be ostracized, talked about,

All night Alice lay awake in bed thinking about people pointing
their fingers at her and talking about her behind her back.

The next day, Alice promised herself that she would try not
to think about the cake and she would attended the fancy
luncheon/bridal shower at the home of a friend of a friend
and try to have a good time.

Alice did not really want to attend because the hostess was
a snob who more than once had looked down her nose at the
fact that Alice was a single parent and not from the founding
families of Tuscaloosa, but having already RSVP 'd she
could not think of a believable excuse to stay home.

The meal was elegant, the company was definitely upper crust
old South... and to Alice's horror, the CAKE in question was
presented for dessert.

Alice felt the blood drain from her body when she saw the
cake, she started, out of her chair to rush to tell her
hostess all about it, but before she could get to her feet,
the Mayor's wife said, "What a beautiful cake!"

Alice, who was still stunned, sat back in her chair when
she heard the hostess (who was a prominent church member)
say, Thank you, I baked it myself."

Alice smiled and thought to herself, "GOD is good."


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Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
goes to Pepsi and University of Florida

20,000 Shirts goofed up

August 31, 2006 - Gainesville, Florida - AP

Thousands of Gator T-shirts are going back in the box because
of a mix up. Roman numerals meant to denote the year "2006"
on the University of Florida shirts actually translate into "26."

Pepsi paid for the shirts. It has an exclusive contract with
the school.

According to UF's athletic association, neither Pepsi nor
the school discovered the error before distribution. But
those handing out the free shirts and the students who got
them noticed.

Over 20,000 shirts were printed, and those that have not
been distributed to students will be returned to Pepsi.

A Pepsi spokeswoman said it's not clear what they will do
with the shirts that are returned, but that they apologize for
the error. Pepsi will pay for another set of shirts to be
distributed in late September before the Alabama game.

This isn't a first for the University Athletic Association.
In 2003, it published media guides that featured a crocodile
on the front cover instead of an alligator -- the school's mascot.


Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture:

Wrangel Island


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From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Glenis
Re: Rule 240

Dear Webby,
You travel a lot. What is "Rule 240" really about, and how
does it apply under the current security restrictions?

Dear Glenis
I bet you saw somebody march up to a ticket counter, and
was instantly given wads of hotel vouchers and tickets.

"Rule 240" used to be the federal compensation schedule for
passengers inconvenienced by delays due to air line mess-ups.
Nowadays each airline has their own "Rule 240" filed with
the DOT.

The "Rule 240" filings are usually quite straight forward.
IF you were at the gate on time, and IF there was no
force majeure" events: weather, strikes, "acts of God," or
other occurrences that the airlines say they cannot control,
and you miss a connection because they were late,
they promise to put you up in a decent hotel, give you
alternate tickets and meal vouchers.

Where the fun comes in is that 99% of the airport counter
staff have at one time or another heard about "Rule 240",
but have no clue where they can find the copy that is
supposed to be at each counter. So they usually fall all
over themselves to err on the safe side, rather than get in

You can get the "Rule 240" filings at

If the take-off is delayed because of security problems,
then the air line is theoretically off the hook, but very
few counter staffers know enough about "Rule 240"
to intelligently dispute the points, and rather give you

Have FUN!


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    no product of your own and no service  required! Take
    a look now and find out how you can start taking home
    the kind of money you've been looking for. Go to


Lil' Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He
watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running
his hands up and down the horses' legs, rump, and chest.
After a few minutes, Johnny asked,
"Pop, why are you doing that?"

"Because I'm thinking of buying these horses."

Johnny looked worried, "Then I think we'd better hurry
home right away!"

"Why?" his father asked.

"Because the milkman stopped by yesterday, and I think he
wants to buy Mom...!"


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Two psychiatrists were at a convention.  As
they conversed over a drink, one asked, "What
was your most difficult case?"

The other replied, "I had a patient who lived
in a pure fantasy world.  He believed that an
uncle in South America was going to die and
leave him a fortune.  All day long he waited
for a letter to arrive from an attorney.  He
never went out, he never did anything, he merely
sat around and waited for this fantasy letter
from this fantasy uncle.  I worked with this man
eight years."

"What was the result?"

"It was an eight-year struggle.  Every day for
eight years, but I finally cured him.  And then
that stupid letter arrived...!"


Deeli's Kudos
August 30, 2006 - Jacksonville, Florida - AP

A Jacksonville postal worker delivers more than just letters
to residents. The woman also delivers prayers.

Synetta Drayton Haggary was delivering the mail in July
when she heard a woman crying and praying for help. Haggary
stopped to pray with the woman, though she didn't know what
she was praying for. When they finished, the woman pulled
out the handgun she wanted to use for suicide and handed
it to Haggary.

Haggary called police and handed them the gun. Now 51 year
old Haggary checks on the woman almost everyday. She says
she's just trying to spread good cheer in such a negative world.


The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at
You can post your questions there and read current and past
queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at,  and she will post it into the blog for you.


Daily tip from
Saving For Christmas
Even though Christmas time comes around every year, it's
not uncommon for people to be caught off guard by Christmas
expenses and end up a bloated credit cards heading into
the new year. Start saving now and you can limit the stress
that Christmas puts on your financial well being. When it
comes time to buy present and throw parties, stay within
your budget and give your credit cards a break.
Tip provided by

Check out their new Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
Subscribe and get access to their new
Printable Coupon page!
Highly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!

If you like the list, you can vote for it here: ... ;/font>


Two law partners leave their office and go to lunch. In the
middle of lunch the junior partner slaps his forehead.

"Damn," he says. "I forgot to lock the office safe before
we left."

His partner replies " What are you worried about?
We're both here."


Pervert Alert

If you are near any of these towns, please help shield the
families of a fallen hero from the Westboro Perverts

The members of the Westboro Perverts harrass the families of
fallen soldiers and miners during the funeral, and proclaim that
their deaths are Gods punishment for US non-discrimination laws.

Saturday, Sept. 2 at 9:15 a.m. Jacksonville, Florida
Perverts plan to harass the funeral for
Army Sgt. Wakkuna A. Jackson  at
All People International Church,
1993 Edgewood Ave.,
Jacksonville, Florida

Saturday, Sept. 2 at 12:15 p.m. Tucson, Arizona
Perverts plan to harass the funeral for
Navy Hospitalman Chadwick T. Kenyon at
Evergreen Mortuary, 3015 N. Oracle Rd.,
Tucson, Arizona.

Sunday, Sept. 3 at 1:15 p.m.  Montrose, Colorado
Perverts plan to harass the funeral for
Army Spc. Christopher F. Sitton at
Montrose High School,
600 S. Selig Ave.,
Montrose, Colorado

Sunday, Sept. 3  at 1:15 p.m.  Montrose, Colorado
Perverts plan to harass the funeral for
Army Spc. Christopher F. Sitton at
Montrose High School,
600 S. Selig Ave.,
Montrose, Colorado

Monday, Sept. 4 at 1:15 p.m. Trumbull, Connecticut.
Perverts plan to harass the funeral for
Marine Cpl. Jordan C. Pierson at
Calvary Evangelical Church,
498 White Plains Rd.,
Trumbull, Connecticut.

Tues., Sept. 5 at 10:15 a.m. Minden, Nebraska.
Perverts plan to harass the funeral for
Army National Guard Staff Sgt. Jeffrey J. Hansen at
St. Paul Lutheran Church,
206 N. Colorado Av.,
Minden, Nebraska.

Wednesday, September 6 at 12:15 p.m. Boise, Idaho
Perverts plan to harass the funeral for
Army Sgt. Jeremy E. King at
First Church of the Nazarene,
3852 N. Eagle Rd.,
Boise, Idaho

I am not endorsing those non-discrimination laws. Military
hiring practises should not be dictated by the ACLU.
However, I applaud ANY ACTION to shield the bereaved
families of miners and war heroes, - who had absolutely
nothing to do with the Government giving in to the ACLU -,
from those despicable Westboro perverts.



To find a real bugler for military funerals,
browse to


The passenger sat in the backseat, clutching the door
handle and wondering if she could expect to survive the trip.

The cabdriver sped through the crowded streets,weaving in
and out of traffic. The passenger watched as one pedestrian
after another ran to avoid being run down by her lunatic driver.

She looked ahead and saw a truck double-parked on the
narrow street,but not only did the taxi driver fail to slow down,
he actually accelerated as he approached the truck.

He slipped his cab through the available space with an inch
or two to spare on either side.

"Driver!" the passenger screamed,"Are you trying to get us
both killed?"

"Relax,lady," he said, "just do what I do. Close your eyes."


Thanks to Ellen for this Bonus Link:
Make it!


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Well, , that's all for today.
have FUN !

Dear Webby

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