Dear Webby Humor Letter, Sept 6/06 


Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  September 6, 2006
======================================

I don't really trust a sane person.
-- Lyle Alzado

Politics is the skilled use of blunt objects.
-- Lester B. Pearson

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
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"Mr. Clark, I'm afraid I have some bad news
for you," the doctor told his anxious patient,
"You only have six months to live."

The man sat in stunned silence for the next
several minutes...

Regaining his composure, he apologetically
told his physician that he had no medical
insurance -- "I can't possibly pay you in that time."

"OK," said the doctor, "Let's make it a year."

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninny" award goes to
   Yahoo  mail  for gross incompetence
   Telus.net  for inappropriate censorship


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If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Thanks to Phil from Oz for this story: One day some soldiers from a nearby Army camp saw a boy leading a donkey. They thought they would have some fun with him. "Say, boy," called out one of the soldiers. "You sure are keeping a tight rein on your brother, aren't you?" "Sure am," said the boy. "If I didn't he would probably join the Army...." =========================================== Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter =========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the Prudes of Brattleboro Brattleboro contemplating changing from bratty to snooty September 4, 2006 - Brattleboro, Vermont - AP Public nudity isn't new to this bastion of bohemia, but it usually bares itself in more subtle places than the downtown parking lot. This summer, a group of teenagers has disrobed near restaurants, bookstores and the town's many galleries, igniting a debate about whether Brattleboro should ban a practice long tolerated until now. "Brattleboro tends to be a laid-back town and pretty accepting of the unusual, but this is really pushing limits," said Police Chief John Martin. "It's clearly to outrage people, it's clearly rebelliousness." Now the police chief wants council to ban or restrict the long tolerated practise and change the casual attitude about it. ===========================================
SAVE FUEL - SAVE MONEY HELP THE ENVIRONMENT visit MPGadvantage.com today
=========================================== Thanks to my dad for this picture: Thelocactus.leucanthus-family. These bloomed today. =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sharon Re: Yahoo malfunction Dear Webby; I am having trouble getting the humor letter in this maibox. Up until about a week or so I was getting it on a daily basis. Then all of a sudden it no longer came. 1st I went to my list of blocked mail & cleard then out. Your site was NOT on the list. Then I unsubscribed to it & subscribed to it at another hotmail addressl. I get it now daily there. I tried to subscribe again at this mailbox a couple of days ago but it has not come thru. I would prefer to get it here. What can I do fix this? I don't know who to contact. You are in my address box so it has always come in my inbox not junk. I miss reading it here but can read it in hotmail. Thanks for your hrlp. Sharon Dear Sharon Tell Mom or Gramma that you have been a good girl for a long time, even Dear Webby said so, and that you are ready for a grown-ups style address! Tell her that, being stuck with a play address censored by Sniveling Ninnies, causes you to start acting like a silly whiner, and not ladylike at all! Take her to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog and show her how often Yahoo has won a Sniveling Ninny Award for messing up the mail! I am sure you will be allowed to finally get a grown-ups style address, instead of a disreputable, disposable play-mail address. It's just nor proper that a nice young lady like you should have to dress in the skanky garb of lewd juveniles and have everybody snickering behind your back, and calling you "one of those silly yahoos". She probably won't let you use a domain based address like sharon@dawna.com, because those cost $2 a month, but at least you should be able to use a Google gmail.com address! Gmail is currently the most reliable of the free email addresses. If you need a referral for gmail, let me know, I'll gladly generate one for you! Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== DONEVIN'S HINT: Having YOUR own PROGRAM with no product of your own and no service required! Take a look now and find out how you can start taking home the kind of money you've been looking for. Go to http://jos.org/donevin =========================================== A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn't been feeling well. The doctor examines him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills. The doctor says, "Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water." Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers, "My goodness, doc, exactly what's my problem?" Doctor says, "You're not drinking enough water." ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== It's forty below zero one winter night in Alaska. Pat is drinking at his local saloon and the bartender says to him, "You owe me quite a bit on your tab." "Sorry," says Pat, "I'm flat broke this week." "That's okay," says the bartender. "I'll just write your name and the amount you owe me right here on the wall." And Pat pleads, "I don't want any of my friends to see that." "They won't," says the bartender. "I'll just hang your parka over it until it's paid." =========================================== Deeli's Kudos September 1, 2006 - Los Angeles - AP George Johnson, considered California's oldest living person at 112 and the state's last surviving World War I veteran, had experts shaking their heads over his junk food diet. "He had terrible bad habits. He had a diet largely of sausages and waffles," Dr. L. Stephen Coles, founder of the Gerontology Research Group at the University of California, Los Angeles, said Friday. The 5-foot-7, 140-pound Johnson died of pneumonia Wednesday at his Richmond home in Northern California. "A lot of people think or imagine that your good habits and bad habits contribute to your longevity," Coles said. "But we often find it is in the genes rather than lifestyle." He remained in good health and continued driving until he was 102, when his vision began to fail. Johnson, who was blind and living alone until his 110th birthday when a caregiver began helping him, built the Richmond house by hand in 1935. He got around using a walker in recent years. Johnson's wife died in 1992 at the age of 92. The couple had no children. ============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. ============================================= Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Squeaky Dress Shoes The easiest solution to a fixing a squeaky shoe is to sprinkle some baby powder in the heel, under the insole if possible. If that doesn't work, it could be the nails that hold the shoe together are producing the squeak. You can fix that by carefully hammering the shoe on the sole. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Check out their new Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new Printable Coupon page! Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html? ... ;/font> ======================================== A farmer was driving along the road with a load of fertilizer. A little boy, playing in front of his house, saw him and called, "What've you got in your truck?" "Manure," the farmer replied. "What are you going to do with it?" asked the little boy. "Put it on strawberries," answered the farmer. "You ought to live here," the little boy advised him. "We put sugar on ours." ======================================== Pervert Alert If you are near any of these towns, please help shield the families of a fallen hero from the Westboro Perverts The members of the Westboro Perverts harrass the families of fallen soldiers and miners during the funeral, and proclaim that their deaths are Gods punishment for US non-discrimination laws. Wednesday, Sept. 6 at 12:45 p.m. Baltimore, Maryland Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Marine Staff Sgt. Dwayne E. Williams at March Funeral Home, 4300 Wabash Ave., Baltimore, Maryland Wednesday, September 6 at 12:15 p.m. Boise, Idaho Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army Sgt. Jeremy E. King at First Church of the Nazarene, 3852 N. Eagle Rd., Boise, Idaho Thursday, Sept. 7 at 1:15 p.m. Alpena, Michigan Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Navy CPO Paul J. Darga at First Baptist Church, 1261 W. Washington Ave., Alpena, Michigan Thursday, Sept. 7 at 10:15 a.m. Whittier, California Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army Sgt. David J. Almazan at Sky Rose Chapel, 3888 Workman Mill Road, Whittier, California Friday, Sept. 8 at 8:15 a.m. Layton, Utah Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army Pfc. Daniel G. Dolan at St. Rose of Lima Catholic Church, 210 S. Chapel St., Layton, Utah Friday, September 8 at 1:15 p.m. Dorchester, Massachusetts. Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army Spc. Edgardo Zayas at McHoul Funeral Home, 354 Adams Street, Dorchester, Massachusetts. I am not endorsing those non-discrimination laws. Military hiring practises should not be dictated by the ACLU. However, I applaud ANY ACTION to shield the bereaved families of miners and war heroes, - who had absolutely nothing to do with the Government giving in to the ACLU -, from those despicable Westboro perverts. DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== From Cindy: Hi Webby, I so look forward to receiving your humor letter every day. It's by far the best on the web....as proven by all the votes you get. I've saved so many of the tips you've given. Today someone messed with my computer and changed the size of the fonts. I looked everywhere on the computer for a place to fix it. I couldn't find it anywhere. I looked in the tips I'd saved from you, since I knew you'd mentioned it more than once......but it seems I didn't save that tip. So I went to your letter to find out how to contact you to ask you a question I know you must have answered way too many times... ......and here is the answer right at the beginning of the letter. Wow! what a help you are! Thanks from all of us who have a smoother life because of you!!! Your fan forever, Cindy ======================================== Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Machu Picchu http://snipurl.com/vzpz ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby


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