Dear Webby Humor Letter, Sept 9/06 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  September 9, 2006

Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.
-- Aldous Huxley

A great many people think they are thinking when they are
really just rearranging their prejudices.
-- William James

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

In the Amazon rain forest, three explorers were walking.
One was Irish, another English, and the last American.
Soon, they came across a tribe, and the leader of the tribe
told them that if they wanted to pass through this territory,
they had to pass the three caves test.

The explorers agreed and asked what the three cave
test was.

The leader of the tribe took them to the caves, where he
said, "Inside the first, there are three bottles of rum, each
100 years old and said to be toxic. You have to drink one
each. In the second is a lion with a thorn in his foot. You
must remove the thorn.
In the third is a woman who has never been satisfied, and
she must be satisfied."

The three men were hesitant but could not back out, so
the American went into the first cave, drank the bottle,
and died soon afterward.

The Englishman was second. He went into the first cave,
drank the bottle, then went into the second cave. There
was a lot of commotion and roaring.
No one emerged from the cave.

Lastly, the Irish man went into the first cave and drank the
bottle. He went into the second cave.  At first, there was
a lot of commotion, and then there was a soft purring sound.

Then he entered the last cave. Two minutes later, he
came out puzzled and asked,
"Where's the thorn in the woman's foot...?"


  A "Sniveling Ninny" award goes to
   Yahoo  mail  for gross incompetence for inapropriate censoring
   Telus  for inapropriate censoring


If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at
=========================================== A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. He said, "Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!" The preacher said, "Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use that kind of language in the Lord's House. The man said, "I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!" The preacher said, "No shit?!" =========================================== Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter =========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Donnie Lee Amis, 50 from DC and and Cassandra Albritton, 44, of Mitchellville, MD Beltway snooze shuts down rush hour Rush-hour commuters on the Capital Beltway yesterday morning were forced to wait more than an hour for the Maryland State Police to wake up two persons inside a stolen car. Troopers closed the Inner and Outer Loops of the Beltway at the height of the morning rush hour to deal with the slumbering occupants in a stolen Honda Accord. Traffic backed up for several miles and spilled onto the already packed Route 1 and other secondary roads, which blocked intersections more than a mile away. Motorists said trips from Annapolis and Baltimore took hours, compared to the typical 45 to 50 minutes. A trooper approached the Honda, on the shoulder of the Inner Loop near the Kenilworth Avenue exit in College Park, about 8 a.m. after learning it had been stolen Aug. 27 in Bladensburg. Sgt. Russell Newell, a state police spokesman, said the trooper found a man and a woman asleep inside. The car's hazard lights were blinking, so the trooper called for help because he thought the couple was faking, Sgt. Newell said. "The pair refused to leave the car, prompting police to block the highway in both directions for fear they were armed," he said. Nearly an hour later, troopers dragged the couple from the car and arrested them. Some drugs but no weapons were found, Sgt. Newell said. Police arrested Donnie Lee Amis, 50, of the District, and Cassandra Albritton, 44, of Mitchellville. They are charged with theft, auto theft, drug possession and unauthorized use of a motor vehicle. ... -1869r.htm ===========================================
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this picture: =========================================== Judi was almost crazy with her three kids. She complained to her best friend, "They're driving me nuts. Such pests, they give me no rest and I'm half-way to the nut hatch." "What you need is a playpen to separate the kids from yourself," her friend said. So Judi bought a playpen. A few days later, her friend called to ask how things were going. "Superb! I can't believe it," Judi said. "I get in that pen with my laptop and the kids don't bother me one bit!" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Mark Re: Transfer data from old to new machine Dear Webby My wife will soon be taking possession of a new PC with Windows/XP. Can you recommend a product or method to transfer her files & settings from her old PC which is running Windows/98SE. I understand I need to manually install the application software that she needs. Thanks for a great e-zine - it's an awesome start to the day. Regards Mark Dear Mark Forget the settings. Horse and buggy settings from 1998 are meaningless for a 2006 Diesel. To transfer the files, and even a lot of the install files, simply plug the old hard drive in as a second hard drive on the new machine. You will need to get a "2 drive ribbon cable" from the RadioShack or similar electronics shop. They are usually around $2.49 Windows XP will notice and set up the addditional drive with a minimum of fuss. The old drive will then show up as Local Drive E:\ Then you can simply drag the stuff from E:\ to C:\. After all that is done, you can take the drive out again and put it back into the old machine. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== DONEVIN'S HINT: Having YOUR own PROGRAM with no product of your own and no service required! Take a look now and find out how you can start taking home the kind of money you've been looking for. Go to =========================================== A young woman wasn't feeling well, and asked one her co-workers to recommend a physician. "I know a great one in the city, but he is very expensive. Five hundred dollars for the first visit, and one hundred dollars for each one after that." The woman went to the doctor's office and, trying to save a little money, cheerily announced. "I'm back!" Not fooled for a second, the doctor quickly examined her and said, "Very good, just continue the treatment I prescribed on your last visit." ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! ========================================== I don't think I'll ever have a mother's intuition. My sister left me alone in a restaurant with my 10-month old nephew. I said, "What do I do if he cries?" She said "Give him some vegetables." It turns out that jalapeno is not his favorite. =========================================== Deeli's Kudos ============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you. ============================================= Daily tip from Back to School Recipe - Melanie's Greatest Ever Granola Mix: 1 cup of whole wheat flour, 4 cups of quick oatmeal, 1 cup of slivered almonds, 1 cup of coconut and 1/2 cup of brown sugar. Stir well, then add: 1/2 cup oil and 1/2 cup of honey. Directions: Combine it all well breaking up clumps then place on large cookie sheet and bake at 350 degrees F till golden brown. Use a spatula a few times and stir it around now and then. Can add raisins or dried fruit when done. Store in air tight container when cool. Great for breakfast with milk as a cereal or you can use in a granola bar recipe. By Melanie Tip provided by Check out their new Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun Subscribe and get access to their new Printable Coupon page! Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the list, you can vote for it here: ... ;/font> ======================================== Morris went to his lawyer Birnbaum and told him, "My neighbor owes me $500 and he doesn't want to pay up. What should I do?" "Do you have any proof?" asked the lawyer. "Nope," Morris replied. "Okay, then write him a nasty letter asking him for the $1000 he owes you," said the lawyer Birnbaum. "But it's only $500," Morris insisted. "Precisely. That's what he will reply and we will then have the proof we need to nail him." ======================================== Pervert Alert If you are near any of these towns, please help shield the families of a fallen hero from the Westboro Perverts The members of the Westboro Perverts harrass the families of fallen soldiers and miners during the funeral, and proclaim that their deaths are Gods punishment for US non-discrimination laws. Saturday, Sept. 9 at 9:45 a.m. Two Rivers, Wisconsin Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army Spc. Shaun A. Novak at St. Peter the Fisherman Catholic Church, 3210 Tannery Rd., Two Rivers, Wisconsin Saturday, Sept. 9 at 11:15 a.m. Superior, Wisconsin Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army Spc. Kenneth M. Cross at Superior High School, 2600 Catlin Ave., Superior, Douglas County, Wisconsin Saturday, Sept. 9 at 11:45 a.m. Pelican Rapids, Minnesota Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army National Guard Sgt. Joshua R. Hanson at Pelican Rapids High School, Pelican Rapids, Minnesota. Saturday, Sept. 9 at 9:15 a.m. West Frankfort, Illinois Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army Sgt. Matthew J. Vosbein at St. John the Baptist Church, 703 E. Main, West Frankfort, Illinois Sunday, Sept. 10 at 1:15 p.m. Farmington, MO. Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army Staff Sgt. Michael L. Deason at First Assembly of God Church, 1803 N. Washington St., Farmington, MO. Monday, Sept. 11 Perverts plan to picket memorials and other services recognizing the Fifth Anniversary of the 9/11 Monday, Sept. 11 at 12:15 p.m. Ft. Myer, VA Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Marine Lance Cpl. Colin J. Wolfe at Arlington National Cemetery, Ft. Myer, VA. Monday, Sept. 11 at 8:15 a.m. Minneapolis, MN. Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army Spc. Qixing Lee at Washburn-McReavy Swanson Chapel, Lowry at Irving Ave. N., Minneapolis, MN. I am not endorsing those non-discrimination laws. Military hiring practises should not be dictated by the ACLU. However, I applaud ANY ACTION to shield the bereaved families of miners and war heroes, - who had absolutely nothing to do with the Government giving in to the ACLU -, from those despicable Westboro perverts. DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== I look forward to the "Dear Webby's Humor Letter" every day. I enjoy the clean jokes, great tips, good thoughts/sayings, lots of valuable information. Plus, I don't have to worry about the grandchildren reading this e-mail. Keep up the good work Nellie B Atlanta, GA ======================================== Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Cadillac Ranch ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby

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