Dear Webby Humor Letter, Sept 11/06 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  September 11, 2006
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It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in argument.
-- William G. McAdoo

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From Sandie
Not a joke, but something to think about today:

Love him or loathe him, he nailed this one right on the head..........
By Rush Limbaugh:

I think the vast differences in compensation between victims
of the September 11 casualty and those who die serving our
country in Uniform are profound. No one is really talking
about it either, because you just don't criticize anything
having to do with September 11. Well, I can't let the numbers
pass by because it says something really disturbing about
the entitlement mentality of this country. If you lost a family
member in the September 11 attack, you're going to get
an average of $1,185,000. The range is a minimum guarantee
 $250,000, all the way up to $4.7 million.

If you are a surviving family member of an American soldier
killed in action, the first check you get is a $6,000 direct
death benefit, half of which is taxable.

Next, you get $1,750 for burial costs. If you are the
surviving spouse, you get $833 a month until you remarry.
And there's a payment of $211 per month for each child
under 18.

Keep in mind that some of the people who are getting an
average of $1.185 million up to $4.7 million are complaining
that it's not enough. Their deaths were tragic, but for most,
they were simply in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Soldiers put themselves in harms way FOR ALL OF US,
and they and their families know the dangers.

You see where this is going, don't you? Folks, this is part
and parcel of over 50 years of entitlement politics in this
country. It's just really sad. Every time a pay raise comes
up for the military, they usually receive next to nothing of
a raise. Now the green machine is in combat in the Middle
Eastwhile their families have to survive on food stamps
and live in low-rent housing. Make sense?

However, our own U.S. Congress voted themselves a raise.
Many of you don't know that they only have to be in Congress
one time to receive a pension that is more than $15,000 per
month. And most are now equal to being millionaires plus.

If some of the military people stay in for 20 years and get out
as an E-7, they may receive a pension of $1,000 per month,
and the very people who placed them in harm's way receive
a pension of $15,000 per month.

I would like to see our elected officials pick up a weapon and
join ranks before they start cutting out benefits and lowering
pay for our sons and daughters who are now fighting.

Rush Limbaugh:

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  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Yahoo  mail  for gross incompetence
   us.army.mil for deciding the Humor Letter is too naughty for infantry
   Telus.net for inappropriate censorship

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If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Thanks to Docksey for this story: Cuckoo Clock Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married! The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos..... (MIDNIGHT!) The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told Him Midnight". He didn't seem mad at all. Whew! Got away with that one! Then he said, "I think we need a new cuckoo clock." When I asked him why?, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, "Oh sh*t!", cuckooed 4 more times, hickupped, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, then banged against the coffee table and farted. =========================================== Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter =========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Gaetan Roy of St Mary, NH Opting Out September 6, 2006 - MANCHESTER, N.H. - AP Police said Gaetan Roy had just lost his job, so he came up with a plan: Rob a bank, hang around, then get taken to jail to be "supported." Roy has been charged with robbing a St. Mary's Bank. Police said he walked into the bank Friday and handed a note to the teller that said: "This is a robbery. Put all the cash into the plastic bag. No hassles, no problems." Roy left the bank with about $1,300. When officers arrived, they found Roy in a Dunkin' Donuts parking lot next to the bank, drinking an iced coffee. Police said he had the note and cash stuffed in his pockets. ===========================================
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=========================================== Caribbean Treasure =========================================== What My Mother Taught Me... TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE: "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!" RELIGION: "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." TIME TRAVEL: "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!" LOGIC: "Because I said so, that's why." FORESIGHT: "Make sure you wear clean Underwear, in case you're in an accident." IRONY: "Keep laughing and I'll give you something to cry about." OSMOSIS: "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!" CONTORTIONISM: "Will you "look" at the dirt on the back of your neck!" STAMINA: "You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished." WEATHER: "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room." PHYSICS PROBLEMS: "If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?" HYPOCRISY: "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - don't exaggerate!!!" THE CIRCLE OF LIFE: "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out." BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION: "Stop acting like your father!" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Harold Re: Double Sided Printing Dear Webby I have a Brother MFC 420 multifunction printer. It's a great printer, but unfortunately prints on only one side. To print the back side, it's a tedious shuffle to get the papers in the right order so that the page numbering does not get out of sequence. Is there a trick to that? Harold Dear Harold The trick is to click on the ClickBook link in the left side menu, or to go to http://webby.com/clickbook and get Clickbook. It does all the shuffling for you. Whenever I buy an e-book or a lengthy report, I hit CTRL P to print, Select ClickBook as the printer, select "4 pages per sheet Booklet" from the 170 different formats that are available, and let it rip. When the printer stops shaking, I drop the entire printed stack, as is, into the paper feed tray. No turning, no flipping, just drop the whole stack. Then it prints the back sides. When the printer is finished with the back sides, I fold the stack in half and shoot some staples through the spine. That way, a 200 page e-book prints on 50 sheets of paper, all pages in perfect sequence and numbering. I have used it for years and it has never messed up a single print job. Whenever something to be printed is more than a single page, I use ClickBook. That little program cuts my paper and ink and printer replacement cost to 1/4 of what it would otherwise be. It's also perfect for reading while traveling. Instead of loose, full size sheets, you have your reading material in compact paperback book size, that is a lot less hassle on a plane. For MapQuest driving directions I select the 4 pages/sheet flip-down format like Ralley maps. That makes quite a difference in fast traffic in a strange city. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== DONEVIN'S HINT: Having YOUR own PROGRAM with no product of your own and no service required! Take a look now and find out how you can start taking home the kind of money you've been looking for. Go to http://jos.org/donevin =========================================== Sam and James were very good friends. One day Sam came over to James's house to visit, but when he entered the home, James wasn't there. James's wife was holding their baby and trying to put up curtains at the same time. She said, "Sam, I'm glad you came, would you mind holding the baby while I finish the curtains? He's in a eally restless mood!" So Sam did his best trying to keep the baby from wrestling out of his arms. A few minutes later, James came in and said to Sam, "How ya doin, Sam?" Sam replied, "I'm holding my own". That's when the battle started.... ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Morris was standing in the lingerie store staring at a collection of Wonder Bras. The clerk noticed he had been there for some time, so she walked over and asked him if she could be of assistance. Morris, somewhat confused answered, "Well... if it's a Wonder Bra, am I supposed to pick the size she is, or the size I want her to be?" =========================================== Deeli's Kudos September 7, 2006 - Mobile, Alabama -AP Police have found a new use for macadamia nuts: undercover work. Officers used chopped macadamia nuts to resemble rocks of crack cocaine during a drug sting Friday and Saturday on a street corner near downtown that has been the subject of repeated complaints about illegal drug activity. "Our operation was two-sided to attack both the supply side and the demand side," Chief Phillip Garrett said. As part of the sting, police searched two houses on State Street and arrested six people on charges of distribution of a controlled substance. Police seized crack cocaine, prescription pain medication, and more than $4,000 in cash at one location, Johnson said. Police said the two-day crackdown resulted in a total of 21 arrests. The people caught buying fake crack were charged with a misdemeanor, attempting to possess a controlled substance. Hill said word of the arrests would ripple through the neighborhood and have an impact on drug dealing. "We want to make it as uncomfortable as possible for the buyers to buy and the sellers to sell," he said. ============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. ============================================= Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com September Home and Garden Bargains September is a great month to get items for your home and garden at clearance prices. Keep an eye out for seeds, plants, planters, deck stain, outdoor grills and garden tools. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Check out their new Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new Printable Coupon page! Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html? ... ;/font> ======================================== A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant. "No, no, no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!" ======================================== Pervert Alert If you are near any of these towns, please help shield the families of a fallen hero from the Westboro Perverts The members of the Westboro Perverts harrass the families of fallen soldiers and miners during the funeral, and proclaim that their deaths are Gods punishment for US non-discrimination laws. Monday, Sept. 11 Perverts plan to picket memorials and other services recognizing the Fifth Anniversary of the 9/11 Monday, Sept. 11 at 12:15 p.m. Ft. Myer, VA Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Marine Lance Cpl. Colin J. Wolfe at Arlington National Cemetery, Ft. Myer, VA. Monday, Sept. 11 at 8:15 a.m. Minneapolis, MN. Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army Spc. Qixing Lee at Washburn-McReavy Swanson Chapel, Lowry at Irving Ave. N., Minneapolis, MN. Wednesday, Sept. 13 at 10:15 a.m. Saginaw, Michigan. Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army Sgt. Ralph N. Porras at Case Funeral Home, 201 N. Miller Road, Saginaw, Michigan. Wednesday, Sept. 13 at 9:45 a.m. Wilton, Connecticut Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army Pfc. Nicholas A. Madaras at Our Lady of Fatima Church, 229 Danbury Rd., Wilton, Connecticut I am not endorsing those non-discrimination laws. Military hiring practises should not be dictated by the ACLU. However, I applaud ANY ACTION to shield the bereaved families of miners and war heroes, - who had absolutely nothing to do with the Government giving in to the ACLU -, from those despicable Westboro perverts. DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== A man really loved a woman, but he was just too shy to propose to her. Now he was up in his years and neither of them had ever been married. Of course, they dated about once a week for the past six years, but he was so timid he just never got around to suggesting marriage much less living together. But one day, he became determined to ask her the question. So he calls her on the phone, "June." "Yes, this is June." "Will you marry me?" "Of course I will! Who's this?" ======================================== Thanks to GreatGranny VI for this Bonus Link: Micro Art http://www.ezprezzo.com/crazypics/microscopic_art.html ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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