Dear Webby Humor Letter, Sept 13/06 


Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  September 13, 2006
======================================

Never explain--your friends do not need it and
your enemies will not believe you anyway.
-- Elbert Hubbard

Insanity in individuals is something rare -
but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule.
-- Friedrich Nietzsche

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One night, at the lodge of a hunting club, two new members
were being introduced to other members and shown around.
The man leading them around said, "See that old man asleep
in the chair by the fireplace? He is our oldest member and
can tell you some hunting stories you'll never forget."

They awakened the old man and asked him to tell them a
story.

"Well, I remember back in 1944, we went on a lion hunting
expedition in Africa. We were on foot and hunted for three
days without seeing a thing. On the fourth day, I was so
tired I had to rest my feet. I found a fallen tree, so I laid
my gun down, propped my head on the tree, and fell asleep.
I don't know how long I was asleep when I was awakened
by a noise in the bushes.
I was reaching for my gun when the biggest damn lion I'd
ever seen jumped out of the bushes at me like this:
RRROOAARRR!!!
...........I tell you, I just messed my pants."

The young men looked astonished and one of them said,
"I don't blame you, I would have messed my pants too if a
lion jumped out at me."

The old man shook his head and said, "No, no... not back
then, just now, when I said RRROOAAARRR!!!"

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Yahoo  mail  for gross incompetence
   @us.army.mil for inapropriate censoring
   Telus  for inapropriate censoring

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If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Bob had invited the pastor and his wife for dinner, and it was little Joey's job to set the table. But when it came time to eat, Joey's mother said with surprise, "Why didn't you give Mrs. Brown a knife and fork dear?" "I didn't think I needed to," as everyone listened as Joey explained, "I heard Daddy say she always eats like a horse." =========================================== Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter =========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Peter Sullivan, New York, and to Starbucks Another frivolous lawsuit September 9, 2006 - New York - AP Starbucks Corp. was sued for $114 million Friday over its recall last week of a coupon that entitled the holder to a free large iced drink being promoted by the Seattle coffee retailer. Peter Sullivan, the lawyer who sued on behalf of a 23 year old Starbucks regular who felt "betrayed" when her coupon was not honored, accused the company of fraud and said he will request class-action status to include the "thousands who were misled" by the offer. On Aug. 23, Starbucks e-mailed the coupon for the free grande drink to select employees with instructions for them to forward the coupon to friends and family. The offer was valid through Sept. 30. But, Sullivan said, Starbucks got jittery and refused to honor the coupon after the company saw how widely it had been distributed. "I believe they were surprised by how successful the promotion was," the lawyer said. "The excuse proffered by Starbucks, that they did not believe that an offer released over the Internet would be so widely distributed, is ridiculous," Sullivan said. "Clearly, Starbucks chose to initiate a viral marketing campaign to counteract their slumping sales." A spokeswoman for Starbucks said company officials had seen Sullivan's press release but not his court papers and would have no immediate comment. Sullivan said he saw lines of coupon-carrying caffeine customers outside Starbucks coffee shops in New York in response to the promotion, and when they could not redeem the coupons "they felt let down and angry." One of those people, Sullivan said, was his client, Kelly Coakley of Queens, who works as a paralegal and administrative assistant. The $114 million the lawsuit asks for approximates the average cost of one cup of Starbucks coffee a day for all of the people turned away for the 38 days the offer was valid, Sullivan said. "That's a very conservative figure," he said. He did not explain how they determined how many people had tried to redeem the coupon. ===========================================
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=========================================== =========================================== During our church service one Sunday, a parishioner was speaking about an emotionally charged topic and had trouble controlling her tears. Finishing her remarks, she told the congregation, "I apologize for crying so much. I'm usually not such a big goob." The bishop rose to close the session and remarked, "That's okay. We like big boobs." ===========================================
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=========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Karen Re: Power Converters Dear Webby, What kind of power converters do I need for my laptop, camera and travel printer for traveling to Europe? Karen Dear Karen, Most likely all you need is a short extension cord that has 3 outlets and with the plug cut off. When you get there, buy a cheap cord plug at any supermarket or electrical store, and put it at the cut end of your power cord. Almost all laptop and camera chargers are labeled 100V - 240V. They don't care. All you need to adapt is the plug at the end of your extension cord so that it fits into the quaint sockets, that they have over there. Most European countries use the same voltage, but differently shaped outlets, and some countries have more than one style. If you travel around much, you will soon accumulate a nice collection of plugs. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== DONEVIN'S HINT: Having YOUR own PROGRAM with no product of your own and no service required! Take a look now and find out how you can start taking home the kind of money you've been looking for. Go to http://jos.org/donevin =========================================== In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested. ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Manager: "For a man with no experience, you are certainly asking for a high salary." Applicant: "Well, the work is much harder when you don't know what you're doing!" =========================================== Deeli's Kudos September 9, 2006 - Davison, Mich. - AP A woman who spent 29 years as a teacher and counselor at the city high school has left $1.3 million to the school district. Edna Diehl left the money when she died at age 88 in July. The Davison Educational Foundation will hold the money in trust with the interest to be used to fund scholarships. The district expects the interest will generate about $60,000 a year, paying for two years' worth of college for five students every year, said Kevin Leffler, a school board member and foundation president. Diehl and her husband, Ben, who died in 1997, had no children, said former colleague Pat McGlashen. Diehl was known as a serious, sometimes even strict teacher at Davison High School. Past students said she cared deeply and wanted them to succeed in life. "She was pretty serious most of the time. But she could also be fun outside of school," Connie Olejniczak, her student during the mid-1960s, told The Flint Journal for a Saturday story. Diehl was known for her ability to raise money for student trips, colleagues said. "I remember her having to count money all the time," said Dick DeLoge, a retired teacher who worked with her for about five years. ============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. ============================================= Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Auto Cool Review Auto Cool is a solar powered fan that has been heavily marketed on TV throughout the summer. They advertise that it keep your car cool when it is parked in the hot sun. The problem is, it doesn't work. Many reviewers of this product actually state it makes your car hotter. Summer is winding down, but they are still selling this product and some people may be tempted buy it. It only costs $14.95, but it's money down the drain. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Check out their new Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new Printable Coupon page! Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html? ... ;/font> ======================================== A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon. "How do you know what to say?" he asked. "Why, God tells me." "Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?" ======================================== Pervert Alert If you are near any of these towns, please help shield the families of a fallen hero from the Westboro Perverts The members of the Westboro Perverts harrass the families of fallen soldiers and miners during the funeral, and proclaim that their deaths are Gods punishment for US non-discrimination laws. Wednesday, Sept. 13 at 10:15 a.m. Saginaw, Michigan. Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army Sgt. Ralph N. Porras Case Funeral Home, 201 N. Miller Road, Saginaw, Michigan. Wednesday, Sept. 13 at 9:45 a.m. Wilton, Connecticut Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army Pfc. Nicholas A. Madaras Our Lady of Fatima Church, 229 Danbury Rd., Wilton, Connecticut Wednesday, Sept. 13 at 1015 a.m. Shamokin Dam, Pennsylvania Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army Pfc. Justin W. Dreese at Brookside Ministries Church, 11 Stetler Ave., Shamokin Dam, Pennsylvania Thursday., Sept. 14 at 10:15 a.m. Providence, Rhode Island Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Lance Cpl. Eric P. Valdepenas Cathedral of Saints Peter and Paul, 30 Fenner St., Providence, Rhode Island Thursday, Sept. 14 at 9:45 a.m. Gahanna, OH Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Marine Pvt. Ryan E. Miller St. Matthew's Catholic Church, 807 Havens Corner Rd., Gahanna, OH Thursday, Sept. 14 at 9:15 a.m. Highland, California Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army Pfc. Hannah L. McKinney at Immanuel Baptist Church, 28355 Baseline St., Highland, California Friday, Sept. 15 at 2 p.m. Enfield, Connecticut. Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Marine Lance Cpl. Philip A. Johnson Lutheran Church of Our Redeemer, 20 North St., Enfield, Connecticut. Monday, Sept. 18 at 9:15 a.m. Omaha, NE. Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army National Guard Sgt. Germaine L. Debro at Morningstar Baptist Church, 2019 Burdette St., Omaha, NE I am not endorsing those non-discrimination laws. Military hiring practises should not be dictated by the ACLU. However, I applaud ANY ACTION to shield the bereaved families of miners and war heroes, - who had absolutely nothing to do with the Government giving in to the ACLU -, from those despicable Westboro perverts. DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== Our Air National guard unit conducted weapons-qualifying at the firing range. We had been issued our last rounds of ammo and were firing at the silhouettes, when a great gust of wind ripped the targets from their frames, and they fluttered away. Firing stopped as we looked to the range officials. "Keep shooting, Boys," a voice yelled. "We've got 'em on the run now." ======================================== Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Pioneer TV http://www.pioneertv.com/ ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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