Dear Webby Humor Letter, Sept 22/06 


Good Morning,   !
Friday,  September 22, 2006
======================================

Wisdom is knowing when to speak your mind and
when to mind your speech.
-- Socratex

The right to be heard does not automatically include the
right to be taken seriously.
-- Hubert H. Humphrey

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

An Engineering Student, a Physics Student, and a
 Mathematics student were each given $150 dollars
 and were told to use that money to find out exactly
 how tall a particular hotel was.

 All three ran off, extremely keen on how to do this.
 The physics student went out, purchased some
 stopwatches, a number of ball bearings, a calculator,
 and some friends.  He had them all time the drop of
 ball bearings from the roof, and he then figured out
 the height from the time it took for the bearings to
 accelerate from rest until they impacted with the
 sidewalk.

 The math student waited until the sun was going
 down, then she took out her protractor, plumb line,
 measuring tape, and scratch pad, measured the
 length of the shadow, found the angle the buildings
 roof made from the ground, and used trigonometry
 to figure out the height of the building.

 Of course, with all that was involved in getting this
 experiment done, they were up plenty late studying
 for other courses' exams.  These two students
 bumped into the engineering student the next day,
 who looked quite refreshed.  When asked what he
 did to find the height of the building he replied:  "Well,
 I walked up to the bell hop, gave him 10 bucks, asked
 him how tall the hotel was, and went inside for happy
 hour!"

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Yahoo  mail  for gross incompetence
   @us.army.mil for inappropriate censoring
   Comcast.com for gross incompetence

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== He was so in love with her that he offered her anything that she may desire. "All I want," she cooed, "is a solid gold Boy Scout knife." "But you can have anything in the world!", exclaimed the stunned suitor. "That's all I want." cooed the doll. When he brought her the solid gold Boy Scout knife, she beamed happily. "Are you sure that this is all that you want to make you happy?" inquired the still mystified suitor. "What are you going to do with it?" She opened a hope chest to put the knife inside, thereby revealing hundreds of similar gold Boy Scout knives. "But....but...WHY?" stammered the confused man. "Well," she explained, "right now I'm very young and beautiful and everybody wants me. But when I grow old, and not so attractive and desireable...can you imagine what a Boy Scout will do for one of these knives?" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Mark Giorgio, 47, from Palmetto, Florida Thrifty Diver September 20, 2006 - Palmetto, Florida - AP Mark Giorgio figured a 50-foot fall was worth $20. Giorgio, 47, was counting his money Monday while walking across the U.S. 41 bridge over the Manatee River when a $20 bill blew out of his hand and flew over the rail. He followed. And plummeted 50 feet into the river. Then he swam about 100 yards to fish the bill from the water. "I got my money back, hell yeah," Giorgio told the Sarasota Herald-Tribune. "Twenty bucks is a lot of money when you're broke." He was fished from the water by a passing Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission officer. Giorgio, who said he was already suffering from a broken collarbone, refused treatment for cuts and scrapes he suffered in the fall. ===========================================
SAVE FUEL - SAVE MONEY HELP THE ENVIRONMENT visit MPGadvantage.com today
=========================================== Thanks to Trevor for sending this picture: Serb moving van =========================================== Three mothers were sitting around comparing notes on their exemplary offspring. "There never was a daughter more devoted than my Alice," said Mrs. Davis with a sniff. "Every summer she takes me to the Catskills for a week, and every winter we spend a week at Delray Beach." "That's nothing compared to what my Anna does for me," declared Mrs. Jones proudly. "Every winter she treats me to two weeks in Miami, and in the summer two weeks in the Hamptons, in my own private guest house." Mrs. Smith sat back with a proud smile. "Nobody loves her mother like my Jackie does. Nobody." "So what does she do?" asked the two women, turning to her. "Three times a week she gets into a cab, goes to the best psychiatrist in the city, and pays him a hundred and fifty dollars an hour - just to talk about me!" ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free softare plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== Thanks to Bill for this story: Ann noticed me standing on the bathroom scale, pulling in my rather ample tummy. Smartass that she is, she said, "I don't think that's going to help much, hon." I said, "Sure it does. How else can I see the numbers on the scale?" ===================================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Kay Re: Yahoo mail problems Dear Webby Well I happen to be one of the unlucky ones that Yahoo chooses not to deliver your daily newsletter to. but I have you in my favorites. Unlucky ? What you are saying is: "Every time I hit myself on the head with a shovel, it messes up my hair. I must be suffereing from bad luck." No luck involved in that, but a wacky urge to punish YOURSELF for MY sins of my wild youth. What'cha smoking there, Kay ? I have been hearing personally of people being locked out of their yahoo email. Yes, they seem to be doing that more and more. I'm concerned about this because I have lots of things saved in my email folders (pictures and documents etc.) that I would hate to loose. I do this so I can access them from any computer. That's no excuse for being a silly yahoo. There are a lot of free alternatives that are more reliable. I'm a novice at the computer so in plain easy to understand instructions, is there a way to copy these files to a CD ???? Yes, sure. Just save them to your computer, then weed them out and sort them into a bunch of sort folders, and from there drag them to the CD. But first, get yourself a decent address! Amongst the free ones, Google's gmail is currently the most reliable one. They may think you are a silly yahoo and require that you have a referral. If you want one, I'll gladly generate one for you. Thank you for your helpful tech support section, it sure has helped me a lot in the past. You are most welcome, Kay! Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== DONEVIN'S HINT: Having YOUR own PROGRAM with no product of your own and no service required! Take a look now and find out how you can start taking home the kind of money you've been looking for. Go to http://jos.org/donevin =========================================== A small company that had frequent break-ins installed a new security system with alarms, codes and key pads. Late one night the alarm went off and the police raced to the scene. Outside the building, wandering around the grounds, they spotted and apprehended a suspect. The police called the Security Director for the company and said, "We caught the culprit, an old guy. He tried to pass as an employee, but he knows nothing about your business." The Security Director said, "Oh, that's probably the president of the company. You better let him go." ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== A man walked into his friend's office and found him sitting at his desk, looking very depressed, so he asked him what was wrong. His friend said sadly, "Oh, it's my wife. She hired a new secretary for me." The man said, "Well, there is nothing wrong in that. Is she blonde or brunette or a redhead?" "Neither. Her father is bald." =========================================== Deeli's Kudos September 19, 2006 - Jerusalem - IBS For six decades, Hilda Shlick thought her brother Simon perished in the Holocaust with several other relatives. But thanks to some online investigating by her grandkids, Shlick has been reunited with the brother she last saw in 1941. The family was living in Romania back then, and they were separated when the Nazis invaded. Shlick, 10 years old at the time, and a sister managed to escape, while the others stayed behind. The rest of the family -- parents Henia and Benzion, and brothers Simon, Mark, Karol and Eddie -- stayed in Romania, finding refuge in a basement. Shlick now lives in Israel, and during a chat this summer, her grandsons learned enough to hit the Internet and start their search. They started a search using the database of Holocaust victims at Yad Vashem, Israel's Holocaust memorial. That search ended with the discovery of brother Simon Glasberg living in Canada. He flew to Israel where, despite the 65 years of separation, he recognized his sister immediately. It turns out that another brother also lives in Canada. He's too ill to go to Israel, but has a son who lives there -- a half hour away from his long lost aunt. The fate of one sister, Pepi, remains unknown. She disappeared and is presumed to have been killed by the Nazis. Simon Glasberg, his brothers and parents emigrated to Canada after the war ended. Shlick and her sister moved to Estonia, where Bertha died in 1970. Hilda Glasberg (now Hilda Schlick) was born in 1931 in Chernowitz, Romania. Yad Vashem spokeswoman Estee Yaari said this was only the second known case of living siblings discovering each other through the database. ============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. ============================================= Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Refresh Your House Plants Take advantage of a light rain and set your houseplants outside. Just like giving them plant food and you don't have to pay for it. Helps keep the plants clean, too! By Linda Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Check out their new Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new Printable Coupon page! Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html? ... ;/font> ======================================== A little boy was digging for fishing bait in the garden with his father. He uncovered a creature with many legs and proudly held it up for his father to see. "No, son, he won't work for bait," his father said. "He's not an earthworm." "He's not?" the little boy said, his eyes wide. "What planet is he from?" ======================================== Pervert Alert If you are near any of these towns, please help shield the families of a fallen hero from the Westboro Perverts The members of the Westboro Perverts harrass the families of fallen soldiers and miners during the funeral, and proclaim that their deaths are Gods punishment for US non-discrimination laws. Friday, Sept. 22 at 10:15 a.m. McMillan, Michigan Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army Sgt. Jeremy E. DePottey at Northstar Baptist Church, 7254 County Road 415, McMillan, Michigan Friday, Sept. 22 at 10:15 a.m. Columbus, Ohio Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army Capt. Matthew C. Mattingly at Holy Spirit Catholic Church, 4383 E. Broad St., Columbus, Ohio Friday, Sept. 22 at 10:15 a.m. Titusville, Ohio Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army Sgt. David W. Gordon at Titusville First Presbyterian Church, 216 N. Franklin St., Titusville, Ohio Friday, Sept. 22 at 9:15 a.m. Auburn, California Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army Spc. Harley D. Andrews, at Parkside Church of the Nazarene, 3885 Richardson Dr., Auburn, California Saturday, Sept. 23 - at 9:15 a.m. Kingston, Oklahoma Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army Sgt. Clint E. Williams Saturday, at Kingston High School, 411 NE 3rd Street, Kingston, Oklahoma Saturday, Sept. 23 - at 9:15 a.m. Pearland, Texas Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Lance Cpl. Ryan A. Miller at First Baptist Church, 3005 Pearland Pkwy., Pearland, Texas Saturday, Sept. 23 - at 10:15 a.m., Ft. Washington, Maryland Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army 2nd Lt. Emily J.T. Perez at Ebenezer AME Church, 7707 Allentown Rd., Ft. Washington, Maryland Monday, Sept. 25 - at 12:15 p.m. Cleveland, Tennessee. Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army Sgt. David T. Weir at Fike Funeral Home, 2415 N. Ocoee Street, Cleveland, Tennessee. Saturday, Sept. 30 at 9:15 a.m. Abingdon, Maryland Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Petty Officer 2nd Class David S. Roddy at St. Francis DeSails, 1450 Abingdon Rd., Abingdon, Maryland I am not endorsing those non-discrimination laws. Military hiring practises should not be dictated by the ACLU. However, I applaud ANY ACTION to shield the bereaved families of miners and war heroes, - who had absolutely nothing to do with the Government giving in to the ACLU -, from those despicable Westboro perverts. DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== In a high school gym class, all the girls are lined up against one wall, and all the boys against the opposite wall. Every ten seconds, they walk toward each other exactly half the remaining distance between them. A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are asked, "When will the girls and boys meet?" Mathematician: "Never." Physicist: "In an infinite amount of time." Engineer: "Well... in about two minutes, they'll be close enough for all practical purposes." ======================================== Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Raptors http://www.hawkwatch.org/keysmigration/index.htm ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby To reply to me personally, just hit REPLY. PS: If the greeting on top does NOT have your first name, or at least your favorite nickname, please tell me. I can correct that in two seconds and greet you properly from then on. If you want to give a gift subscription to a friend, but don't have time to subscribe her or him, just hit REPLY and tell me. I will gladly enter them for you. To reply to me personally, just hit REPLY. or write to humor@webby.com I am not in the least worried about spam like most other newsletter writers, who wimp out behind no-reply addresses. The reason I am not worried about spam is because I use the FireTrust Mail Washer. My addresses have been on the web for 10 years and are probably on every spam list there is. Every day Thousands of mails are sent to me. MailWasher trashes all but the 200 that I answer. Try MailWasher FREE for 30 days It's still the best spam control program for people who get lots of mail. If you do not normally get the Humor Letter every day, and this was the first time, then a friend sent you a one time sample or maybe even gave you a gift subscription. If you like the Humor Letter, then you can subscribe at http://webby.com/humor/sub2.html You can also UNsubscribe there. If you don't want to receive the Webby Humor Letter, please unsubscribe by clicking the link below: You are currently subscribed with this address: Unsubscribe from the regular HTML version: UNSUBSCRIBE Unsubscribe from the LARGE FONT HTML version UNSUBSCRIBE Unsubscribe from the plain text version: UNSUBSCRIBE Give a free gift subscription to a friend!





[ view entry ] ( 149 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3.1 / 450 )

<<First <Back | 142 | 143 | 144 | 145 | 146 | 147 | 148 | 149 | 150 | 151 | Next> Last>>