Dear Webby Humor Letter, Sept 27/06 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  September 27, 2006
======================================

One hundred years from now, it will not matter what my
bank account was, how big my house was, or what kind
of car I drove. But the world may be a little better, because
I was important in the life of a child.
-- Forest Witcraft

======================================
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For a holiday, an Irishman decided to go to Switzerland to
fulfill a lifelong dream and climb the Matterhorn.

He hired a guide and just as they neared the top, the men
were caught in a snow slide.

Three hours later, a Saint Bernard plowed through to them, a
keg of brandy tied under his chin.

"Hooray!" shouted the guide. "Here comes man's best friend!"

"Yeah," said the Irishman. "An' look at the size of the dog
that's bringin' it!"

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to


   Telus    for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== "Flight 1234," the control tower advised, "turn right 45 degrees for noise abatement." "Roger," the pilot responded, "but we're at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?" "Sir," the radar man replied, "have you ever heard the noise a 727 makes when it hits a 747?" ===========================================
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=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Principal Nancy Lawson in Frisco, Texas Hypocritical principal fires teacher for following her order September 26, 2006 - Frisco, Texas - AP An award-winning Texas art teacher who was reprimanded after one of her fifth-grade students saw a nude sculpture during a trip to a museum has lost her job. The school board in Frisco has voted not to renew Sydney McGee's contract after 28 years. She has been on administrative leave. The teacher took her students on an approved field trip to a Dallas museum, and now some parents are upset. The Fisher Elementary School art teacher came under fire last April when she took 89 fifth-graders on a field trip to the Dallas Museum of Art. Parents raised concerns over the field trip after their child reported seeing a nude sculpture at the art museum. The parents had signed permission slips allowing their children to take part in the field trip. McGee's lawyer said the principal at Fisher Elementary School, Nancy Lawson, admonished her after a parent complained that a student had seen nude art. McGee said the principal Nancy Lawson had urged her to take the students to the museum. Now, McGee, who was honored with a Star Teacher Award two years ago, is on paid administrative leave until her contract with the school district expires in March. Other parents are worried about the future of the art program at the school, which they cite as a reason for moving into the neighborhood. "Our main concern right now is what's going to happen to the children and what's going to happen to the art program at Fisher Elementary. It is the best art program. That's the reason we moved to this neighborhood. It's because of the teachers," said Shannon Allen, a parent. "It was a principal-approved trip. What's the big deal?" Officials with the Frisco school district declined to comment on the matter. --------------------------------------------------- The phone number for that school is (469) 633-6000 Their email address is mckays@friscoisd.org Dallas Museum of Art: http://www.dallasmuseumofart.org/ Don't worry about any shocking pictures. The Dallas Museum of Art is known to be a very conservative institution. ===========================================
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=========================================== Thanks to Dianne for this picture: =========================================== The local parish had a fairly new priest. He had wonderful, innovative ideas that were, for the most part accepted by the congregation. His mentor - a "higher ranking" priest came for a visit - to see how he was doing. After looking the parish over, the senior priest said, "Father John, your idea of a drive through confessional is wonderful. That makes it so convenient for your church members. And, Father John, it was a really good idea to have the confessional open 24 hours a day, for those who work shift work. However, Father John... that flashing neon sign that says "TOOT and TELL or GO to HELL" ... well, it has GOT TO GO!! ===========================================
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=========================================== A man observed a sign in the window of a restaurant that read, "Unique Breakfast" so he walked in and sat down. The waitress brought him his coffee and asked him what he wanted. "What's your Unique Breakfast?" he asked inquisitively. "Baked tongue of chicken!" she proudly replied. "Baked tongue of chicken?...baked tongue of chicken! Do you have any idea how disgusting that is? I would never even consider eating anything that came out of a chicken's mouth!" he fumed. Undaunted, the waitress asked, "What would you like then?" "Just bring me some scrambled eggs," the man replied. ===================================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ellen Re: PayPal split payment Dear Webby, Can I split an invoice into two separae PayPal payments, one to me and one to my partner, by putting another PayPal button onto the Thank-You page? Ellen Dear Ellen Technically you could do that. But when PayPal catches you, then you and your partner will suddenly, without any warning, have no more PayPal accounts, and extreme difficulty getting new ones. PayPal is very easy to get along with, as long as you follow the rules. Their rules are quite clear about that: No split payments. I don't know their exact reasoning for that rule, but I have a hunch they were told by the IRS to be strict about that. That means, YOU have to report the income for the whole amount, file a W9 for your partner, and report paying your partner. You can try it with two totally separate invoices, with absolutely no detectable link between them. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Thanks to Lilly for this story: I have changed my system for labeling homemade freezer meals. I used to carefully note in large clear letters, "Meatloaf" or "Pot Roast" or "Steak and Vegetables or "Chicken and Dumplings" or "Beef Pot Pie." However, I used to get very frustrated when I asked my husband what he wanted for dinner because he never asked for any of those things. So, I decided to stock the freezer with what he really likes. If you look in my freezer now you'll see a whole new set of labels. You'll find dinners with neat, legible tags that say: "Whatever," "Anything," "I Don't Know," "I Don't Care," "Something Good," or "Food." My frustration is reduced because no matter what my husband replies when I ask him what he wants for dinner, I know that it will be there waiting. ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== A man had a terrible accident. His manhood was mangled and torn from his body. The doctor reassured him that modern medicine made it possible for his manhood to be rebuilt, but insurance didn't cover the expense. It was considered cosmetic. He had three choices - small for $3,500; medium for $6,500 and large for $14,000. The man was sure he'd want a medium or large. The doctor suggested that he discuss it with his wife privately before a final decision was made. The doctor left the room and while he was gone the man called his wife and told her their options. The doctor returned and found the man looking very sad. "Did you make a decision?" the doctor asked. "Yes," said the man. "She'd rather remodel the kitchen!" =========================================== Deeli's Kudos Hollywood, Florida - AP A struggling actor has been paid nearly $260,000 by a casino after he was initially denied the money when managers said his apparent win was a mistake. Freddy Howard, 53, of Sunny Isles Beach, took part in a free promotional game, the Swipe and Win Progressive jackpot, while at the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel and Casino near Hollywood on Aug. 29. Howard swiped his Players Club card, and a hostess and supervisor broke the news: He had won $259,945.75. Howard was showered with attention and presented with a giant cardboard check. Then casino managers broke the bad news - a computer glitch had caused an error and he was not a big winner. On Tuesday, the Hard Rock paid him anyway. "We are making this payment as a gesture of goodwill, and I am pleased to tell you that Mr. Howard has accepted," said Allen Huff, chairman of the Seminole Gaming Commission. Howard had hired a lawyer and also threatened to picket the casino. "Honestly, I just want to be gathered together with relatives and with friends and thank God once again for this whole thing," Howard said. He said he agreed not to discuss the details of his deal with the casino. ============================================= Yes, you got one more chance to get Joel Christophers birthday blowout stack of marketing books and seminar audio files. The package is worth a few thousand dollars to anybody who wants to become an Internet entrepreneur, but to celebrate the 18th anniversary of becoming an American, Joel Christopher gives you this big stack for under $10. If a work at home career interests you, then click here ============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. ============================================= Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Debt Consolidation Warning Debt consolidation can offer a great opportunity for people that have amassed large amounts of credit card debt at unfavorable interest rates. You can get lower, more manageable monthly payments and reduce the number of bills you have to pay each month. The problem many people have is that they then start using their newly paid off credit cards again and end up with even more debt. If you don't change your spending habits, debt consolidation merely enables you to get further in debt. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Check out their new Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new Printable Coupon page! Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html? ... ;/font> ======================================== The teacher asked little Johnny, "Can you name four shooting stars?" Little Johnny said, "I sure can. Wyatt Earp, Annie Oakley, Buffalo Bill, and John Wayne." ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but it will not be shown here in the Humor Letter. DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman. "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. "No peer pressure" she responded. ======================================== Thanks to Trish for this Bonus Link: A-Z London Atlas http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/magazine/5371680.stm ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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