Dear Webby Humor Letter, Sept 29/06 

Good Morning,   !
Friday,  September 29, 2006
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To show support for the troops, wear something red on Fridays

Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on
after others have let go.
-- William Feather

My method is to take the utmost trouble to find the right
thing to say, and then to say it with the utmost levity.
-- George Bernard Shaw

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One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Chicken
Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where chicken
little tried to warn the farmer.

She read, "...And so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and
said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"

The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that
farmer said?"

Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "I think he said - "Holy Cow!
A talking chicken!"

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  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Yahoo mail  for losing mail
   Telus    for losing mail
   hotmail  for getting worse than usual

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== A Congressman was once asked about his attitude toward whiskey. "If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it. "But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it." "This is my position, and I will not compromise!" ===========================================
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=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Aaron Janssen. 36 of polk County, Iowa ya mean dope is not legal in Iowa? September 23, 2006 - Des Moines, Iowa - The Des Moines Register Aaron Janssen made it way too easy. Janssen, 36, was arrested on marijuana charges Thursday, after he was spotted taking a leisurely stroll through downtown, carrying his recently harvested pot plants. Polk County Chief Deputy Mark Burdock said he did a double take when he looked out his office window at the county jail and saw Janssen walking down the sidewalk, carrying his freshly harvested crop. "I look out the window ... , and I see him walking north carrying a green leafy substance, all pulled up by its roots," Burdock said. "He was carrying it like you'd carry a bundle of presents. It was tall enough where he was looking over the top of them, and he's just walking like nothing's going on." Burdock said he went outside and yelled at Janssen, who walked right over to him, still carrying the plants. Janssen said the plants were part of his marijuana grown near the Des Moines River, but wouldn't say exactly where, Burdock said. Deputies also found two two-pound bags of processed marijuana strapped to each of Janssen's legs, and a third wrapped in a sweater. Burdock said the marijuana had an estimated street value of about $2,000. ===========================================
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=========================================== Thanks to David for this picture: =========================================== A man and a woman are driving along when they see a wounded skunk on the side of the road. They stop, the woman gets out, picks it up, and brings it into the car. She says, "Look, its shivering, it must be cold. What should I do?" He says, "Put it between your legs." She says, "What about the smell?" He says, "Awww, just hold its nose." ===========================================
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=========================================== From a passenger ship, everyone can see a thin bearded man on a small island, shouting and desperately waving his hands. "Who is it on that island?" a passenger asks the captain. "I have no idea..... but every year when we pass, he goes nuts...." ===================================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carol Re: Windows Defender Hi Webby, I'm out of my league with Windows Defender Beta. I have no idea what this is, or if I should be updating the Windows Defender. I received a notice of update today, but in the content of the description there was a warning that you should have a 64 bit. I checked, per their instructions via start, computer, right click on properties, but I do not see anything about a 64 bit. Should I have Windows Defender on my computer at all? You've helped me in the past, and I'm seeking help again. Carol Dear Carol Windows Defender Beta is just Microsoft's attempt to come out with a program that will do what Spybot-Search&Destroy does, but that they can rent out on a monthly basis, IF and WHEN it is as good as Spybot-S&D. Well, so far it isn't, and so they are calling it Beta 2, and hope that you will volunteer and help them find the bugs in it. The data on my machines is too important to risk it with a Beta version of anti-spyware. Therefore I am sticking with Spybot-Search&Destroy. It works. and it's free. Spybot Search&Destroy is built and maintained by volunteers. They gratefully accept donations to help with the server costs, but they don't nag you about donations. If you have the full version of the Dear Webby Humor Letter, then you can click on the blue Spybot button I have for it in the side menu. If you have any other version, you can jump straight to the download area by going to http://webby.com/spybot http://webby.com/spybot Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Liam had left Dublin to go up to Belfast for a bit of skydiving, Late Sunday evening he was found in tree by a farmer. "What happened?" said the farmer. Liam replied, that his parachute failed to open, "Well," said the farmer, "if you had of asked the locals before you jumped, they would have told you nothing opens here on a Sunday." ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Robert went to see his doctor. He wasn't feeling well at all. He felt tired, run down, and generally suffering from exhaustion. "My diagnosis is simply that you are worn out," said the doctor. "I believe you've been playing too much golf." "Too much golf," exclaimed Robert. "What can I do?" "You need to take some time off and relax," said the doctor. "My advice to you is to spend some time at the office." =========================================== Deeli's Kudos September 27, 2006 - North Ridgeville, Ohio - AP People from as far away New Mexico and the Netherlands were in northern Ohio over the weekend, getting up close and personal with skunks. Skunk owner Jeri Lynn Poling says others may not understand, but skunks make great pets and are soft and cuddly. She thinks having a rat or a lizard or a snake is weird. Poling and other polecat enthusiasts gathered in North Ridgeville, about 25 miles southwest of Cleveland, for the sixth annual Skunkfest. The event raises money for Skunk Haven, a nonprofit group that saves and rehabilitates injured skunks. And, pet skunks compete in beauty, personality and costume contests. By the way, they all pass the sniff test, because those domesticated skunks are deodorized. ============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. ============================================= Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Your Spouse and Your Credit Score Keep in mind that your credit report may be tied to your spouse's. If your spouse has bad credit habits, it could effect your credit as well. Even a divorce will not necessarily eliminate negative marks against your credit since you may be held accountable for any joint accounts and shared debt. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Check out their new Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new Printable Coupon page! Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html? ... ;/font> ======================================== Thanks to Phil for these requests from tenants: "The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared." "I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfired and burnt my knob off." "This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door." "The toilet seat is cracked. Where do I stand?" "I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall." "I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen." "The person next door has a large erection in his backyard, which is unsightly and dangerous." "Will you please send someone to repair our cracked sidewalk? Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant." "Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and would like to have a third, so will you please send someone to do something about it." "Could you please send someone to fix the faucet in our bathtub? My wife got her toe stuck in it and it is very uncomfortable for us." "I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 5:30 his cock wakes me up, and it is getting to be too much." "When the workmen were here, they put their tools in my wife's new drawers and made a real mess. Please send men with clean tools to finish the job and keep my wife happy." ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but it will not be shown here in the Humor Letter. DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== Dear Webby, this is the only copy of humor letter I,ve gotten this week.Can you please tell me why I,m not getting them every day like i used to.I,ve written several times before but haven,t gotten any answers from you. I really miss the humor letter. It's the bright spot on my day. Thank you very much Helen Dear Helen Did you see who got a "Sniveling Ninnie" award and why ? You are not the only hoe mail victim, whose mail they lost. Do you want a referral for gmail ? It is currently the most reliable amongst the free emails. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Sistine in Waterloo Iowa http://tinyurl.com/jppqg ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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