Dear Webby Humor Letter, Oct 1/06 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  October 1, 2006
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Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul
goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
-- George Carlin

The government is unresponsive to the needs of the little
man. Under 5'7", it is impossible to get your congressman
on the phone.
-- Woody Allen

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"Doc," said the young man lying down on the couch,
"You've got to help me!
Every night I have the same horrible dream. I'm lying in
bed when all of a sudden five women rush in and start
tearing off my clothes."

The psychiatrist nodded, "And what do you do?"

"I push them away!"

"I see. And what can I do to help you with this?"

The patient implored, "Please,... Break my arms!"

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  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Yahoo mail  for losing mail
   Telus    for losing mail
   hotmail  for getting worse than usual

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== The weather was very hot, so this man wanted desperately take a dive in the nearby lake. He didn't bring his swimming outfit, but who cared? He was all alone. So, he undressed and got into the water. After some delightful minutes of cool swimming, a pair of old ladies walked onto the shore in his direction. He panicked, got out of the water and grabbed a bucket, which lay on the sandy beach. He held the bucket in front of his private parts and sighed with relief. The ladies got nearby and looked at him. He felt awkward and wanted to move. Then one of the ladies said, "You know, I have a special gift, I can read minds." "Impossible," said the embarrassed man, "You really know what I'm thinking?" "Yes," the lady replied, "I know that you think that the bucket you're holding has a bottom in it." ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to David Michielsen, 27, of Hammond, Indiana Explosive temper September 28, 2006 - Hammond, Indiana - AP A man upset that his neighbor's children contributed to breaking his wife's eyeglasses is accused of trying to bomb the neighbor's house in retaliation. David Michielsen, 27, of Hammond is charged with detonating a destructive device with intent to intimidate or destroy and manufacturing a destructive device. He faces 58 years in prison if convicted on both counts. The neighbor told police she was visiting Michielsen's wife Sunday when her children and Michielsen's broke the glasses. Michielsen ordered her and her children to leave, a probable cause affidavit said. Later that night, he called the neighbor and demanded a pair of glasses he could use to fix his wife's broken ones. The neighbor told police she complied, but Michielsen threw the glasses into her house about 10 minutes later, saying they wouldn't work. About an hour later, the woman heard a noise and looked outside. She saw Michielsen running away and spotted an item on her air conditioner that turned out to be a canister with a lighted green wick, the affidavit states. She extinguished the wick and called police. Police said the canister was an explosive device made from a carbon dioxide container filled with a shiny black powder. A search of Michielsen's home turned up a wick matching the one in the device, a pack of model rocket engines and other items believed used to make the device, police said. Michielsen was released after posting $50,000 bond. He is scheduled to make a formal court appearance on Oct. 6. Michielsen could not be reached for comment because his telephone number is not listed. ===========================================
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=========================================== Thanks to Deeli for this picture: =========================================== The editor of a small country newspaper, furious over several government bills that had recently been passed, printed a scathing editorial with an enormous headline: "HALF THE LEGISLATORS ARE CROOKS"'. Many local Politicians were outraged and exerted tremendous pressure on him to print a retraction. He finally gave in to the pressure and ran his apology with the headline: "HALF THE LEGISLATORS SAY THEY ARE NOT CROOKS". ===========================================
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=========================================== Bill watched through the window as his young daughter played in the first snow of the season and made a snowman with a little friend. Entertained by the sight, he went closer and heard the little boy say: "I've got an idea. To finish it off, I'll go to the kitchen and find a carrot." And his daughter replied, "Make it two. The second can be his nose." ===================================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carol D Re: Kodak EasyShare Hi Webby, I just installed an updated version of Kodak EasyShare. Now whenever I boot up in the morning, the first thing I see is Kodak EasyShare. Is there a way I can stop this? I am not sure where to look to fix this. I am running Windows XP. You have helped me before and I am confident you can do it again. Thank you for an enjoyable read each morning with my coffee. Carol D Dear Carol I have never used Kodak EasyShare and have no clue about the settings in that program. Best would be if you called their Support. If you can't get help from them, use the tools in Spybot-Search&Destroy to take Easyshare out of the start-up queue. Have FUN! DearWebby Thank you so much for your help. I have the Spybot program and love it. I'll use that to delete it from my start-up menu. I knew you'd have the answer! Carol ========================================== An atheist complained to a friend, "Christians have their special holidays, such as Christmas and Easter; and Jews celebrate their holidays, such as Passover and Yom Kippur; Muslims have their holidays. EVERY religion has its holidays. But we atheists," he said, "have no recognized national holidays. It's an unfair discrimination." His friend replied, "Well... you got April first!" ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Ole and Lena lived on a lake in Northern Minnesota. It was late fall and the lake had just frozen over. Ole asked Lena if she would walk across the frozen lake to the general store to pick him up some tobacco. She asked for some money, but he told her to put it on their tab. So she walked across, got the tobacco and walked back. Then she asked Ole why he didn't send her with any money. He said, "I vasn't goin' to send any money ven I vasn't sure how tick de ice vas..." =========================================== Deeli's Kudos September 29, 2006 - Sitka, Alaska - The Scotsman A special ring that heats up to remind husbands and wives of wedding anniversaries has been created. Makers of the ring, which heats up from hand temperature to 115F-120F in a 10-second burst on the day before the anniversary, said it could put an end to rows over forgotten dates. The Remember Ring, which is currently a concept product not yet in stock at Goldsmith Gallery, Sitka, south east Alaska, will eventually sell for around $700.. Inventor Cleve Oines, 26, is currently working on a prototype of the ring, which should be available in 2007. ============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. ============================================= Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com The Sun and Antique Furniture Sunlight makes dark wood lighter and light wood darker. Prevent uneven discoloration of antique furniture by keeping it away from windows that receive direct sunlight. Once a piece of furniture has changed color, you may need to completely refinish the piece to restore it. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Check out their new Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new Printable Coupon page! Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html? ... ;/font> ======================================== Sam had been a soldier at war for more than three years, during which he had been in many battles and won many decorations. He was finally discharged from service and returned home to a wife and son whom he hadn't seen in a long time. As he was walking up the path to his house, his young son spotted him and yelled, "Mommy, Mommy, here comes Daddy, an' he's got gold medals, an' he's got a Purple Heart on!" to which the mother replied, "I don't give a hoot what color it is! You got 10 seconds to welcome him, then you go play at the Jones's until supper time." ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but it will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== Hi Webby Just a line to stay in touch and to tell you that todays picture of the view from your office of The Chinook Arch is FANTASTIC!! No one paints prettier pictures than Mother Nature and you do a great job of capturing and sharing them. I know I have written this many times to you but need to say thanks again for the entertainment, the wake-up info, and the news about the *sicko perverts* activities, the places to find good software, and last but not least...all of the great computer assistance, you are a treasure and I appreciate you!! Cookie P.S. I group those perverts in the same band with cowardly terrorists. Dear Cookie I appreciate you and all of your contributions too! If you want the original picture, uncompressed and at 1600x1200, it's at http://webby.com/humor/i/after-sunset092906-1600.jpg Have FUN! DearWebby
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Real Names of celebrities http://www.changednames.com/ ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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