Dear Webby Humor Letter Oct 2/06 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  October 2, 2006

What we think, or what we know, or what we believe is,
in the end, of little consequence.
The only consequence is what we do.
 -- John Ruskin

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Brandi finds herself in dire trouble. Her business has gone
bust and she's in serious financial trouble. She's so
desperate that she decides to ask God for help. She begins
to pray... "God, please help me. I've lost my business and
if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as
well. Please let me win the lotto."

Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it. Brandi again
prays... God, please let me win the lotto! I've lost my business,
my house and I'm going to lose my car as well." Lotto night
comes and Brandi still has no luck.

Once again, she prays... "My God, why have you forsaken
me?? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children
are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have
always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win
the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order."

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens
open and Brandi is confronted by the voice of God Himself.
"Brandi, meet Me halfway on this."



  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Yahoo mail  for losing mail
   Telus    for losing mail
   hotmail  for losing more mail than usual

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at
=========================================== Thanks to Lynn for this report: Some archaeologists were exploring when they came upon a cave. Written across the wall of the cave were the following symbols, in this order of appearance: A woman, a donkey, a shovel, a fish, and a Star of David. They decided that this was a unique find and the writings were at least three thousand years old. They chopped out the piece of stone and had it brought to the museum where archaeologists from all over the world came to study the ancient symbols. They held a huge meeting after months of conferences to discuss the meaning of the markings. The president of the society stood up and pointed at the first drawing and said: "This looks like a woman. We can judge that this race was family oriented and held women in high esteem. You can also tell they were intelligent, as the next symbol resembles donkey, so, they were smart enough to have animals help them till the soil. The next drawing looks like a shovel of some sort, which means they even had tools to help them. Even further proof of their high intelligence is the fish which means that if a famine had hit the earth, whereby the food didn't grow, they would take to the sea for food. The last symbol appears to be the Star of David which means they were evidently Hebrews." The audience applauded enthusiastically. Suddenly a little old woman stood up in the back of the room and said, "Idiots! Hebrew is read from right to left. The message says, "Holy mackerel, dig the ass on that chick!" ===========================================
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=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Bradley Robison, 18, of Cedar Rapids, Iowa Dopey crook September 30, 2006 - Cedar Rapids, Iowa - AP A man who police say was caught with two pounds of marijuana allegedly told officers the drug wasn't his because he had stolen the dope. Bradley Robison, 18, of Cedar Rapids, was charged with possession of marijuana with intent to deliver and failure to affix a drug tax stamp. When police found him with the marijuana, he said he had stolen it from a nearby business that he had just broken into, court records show. Linn County Attorney Harold Denton said it doesn't matter how Robison got the marijuana, only that he had it. "If you steal it, you steal it and you possess it," Denton said. "It's a double whammy." Robison was caught by officers after they saw him running from the area early Tuesday, police said. A burglary charge was being considered but had not been immediately filed. The investigation also led to a possession with intent to deliver charge being filed against Ruban Rivas, 36, for allegedly having the marijuana at the business that Robison broke into, court records show. ===========================================
=========================================== Thanks to Mike for this picture: "My daughter-in-law was helping her mother sort flags for an auto-dealer promotion. Her cat, Bubbles, decided the flags were her personal decorations. Mike" ===========================================
Synchronize your brain waves with this CD and improve your ability to focus. A very effective course is included! Being able to focus better also increases your reading speed, retention. and understanding. It also helps greatly with remembering names. For more info click on the CD or go to
=========================================== Mrs. Hunter was called to serve for jury duty, but asked to be excused because she didn't believe in capital punishment and didn't want her personal thoughts to prevent the trial from running its proper course. But the public defender liked her thoughtfulness, and tried to convince her that she was appropriate to serve on the jury. "Madam," he explained, "This is not a murder trial! It's a simple civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case against her husband because he gambled away the $12,000 he had promised to use to remodel the kitchen for her birthday." "Well, okay," agreed Mrs. Hunter, "I'll serve. I guess I could be wrong about capital punishment after all!" ===========================================
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=========================================== A cop saw a woman down on her knees under a streetlight. "Can I help you?" he asked. Replied the woman, "I dropped my keys and I'm looking for them." After a glance around, the cop asked: "Are you sure you droped them right here?" "No," responded the blonde, "I dropped them down in that alley, but it's way too dark to find anything down there.." ===================================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Judy Re: Comcast Hi Webby. I hope you can help me with internet connection problem. I'm connect to cabel,but there are time when I have low power and I cannot connect to the internet. It will be off for several hour and sometime longer.This has happen many times. They have changed the cabel modem box and a connection outside. When The repair man test my computer every thing is o.k.. Comcast has decided the problem is with the outside cabel. Hope you can help or tell me where I can go for help. Judy Dear Judy There is nothing you can do on your end about poor cable quality somewhere between your house and the station. Comcast probably does not even own the cable, but just piggybacks on a local cable company's cable. Theoretically they could raise a fuss with the local cable company, but usually they can't be bothered. Switching to a different provider piggybacking on the same cable probably would not make any difference. Switching to DSL, if it is available in your area, would generally give you more reliability, but a bit less speed. In the meantime, all you can do is yell at Comcast and hope they will get the local cable company to fix the problem. If any Comcast victim has found an effective way to deal with this problem, please write! Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Four older ladies are sitting around playing bridge. The first lady says," You know girls, I have known you all a long time and there is something I must get off my chest. I am a Kleptomaniac. But, don't worry, I have never stolen from you and I never will; we have been friends for too long." The second lady says, "Well, since we are having true confessions here, I must get something off my chest too. I am a Nymphomaniac. But don't worry, I have not hit on your husbands. They don't interest me and never will; we have been friends for too long." "Well," says the third lady, "I, too, must confess something. I am a Lesbian. But do not worry, I will not hit on you. You are not my type. We have been friends too long for me to ruin our friendship." The fourth lady stands up, says, "I have a confession to make also. I am an uncontrollable gossip, and I have some phone calls to make! ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! ========================================== My dad, an auto mechanic, received a repair order that read: "Check for clunking sound when going around corners." Taking the car out for a test drive, he made a right turn, and a moment later he heard a clunk. He then made a left turn and again heard a clunk. Back at the shop, he opened the car's trunk, and soon discovered the problem. He returned the repair order to the service manager with this notation: "Remove bowling ball from trunk". =========================================== Deeli's Kudos September 29, 2006 - San Francisco - NBC From the notes on the page to the mind of a genius, Elizabeth Blackburn says many things inspired her to pursue a life in science. "I loved animals," she says. "And I got very interested in the whole question of science, and how living cells are made up." Inside cells she found a protein called telomerase that determines the life span of cells. It is nothing less than crucial to aging, stress, cancer and many other diseases. Is her research going to allow people to live forever? "My research won't allow people to live forever," says Blackburn. "If you could live out that life in a healthy way, that to me would be much more what my research is about." It has worked out so well that Friday she received the Lasker Award, sharing with two others the highest recognition in American science. "It does show that women can succeed in science," says Blackburn. "And more and more I've felt that that's an important message to be sending to younger scientists as they come into research." Many believe Blackburn could also win the Nobel Prize for Medicine on Oct. 2. ============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you. ============================================= Daily tip from Storing Wood Furniture When you are storing nice wood furniture, make sure you store it in a dry, well ventilated room. If you store it in a damp basement, you could discover moldy and warped furniture when you go to retrieve it. Tip provided by Check out their new Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun Subscribe and get access to their new Printable Coupon page! Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the list, you can vote for it here: ... ;/font> ======================================== A father noticed that his son was spending way too much time playing computer games. In an effort to motivate the boy into focusing more attention on his schoolwork, the father said to his son, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace." The son replied, "Dad, when Lincoln was your age, he was The President of The United States!!!" ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but it will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== Todd and Jill had just gotten back from the honeymoon, and were having their first fight, and it was a big one. No matter what Todd tried to say or do, Jill refused to compromise, or even listen. He started growing exasperated. After a while, Todd said "When we got married, you promised to love, honor and obey." Jill replied, "I know. But I didn't want to start an argument in front of all those people at the wedding."
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Worm Farm No barking and no hairballs... the perfect hobby: ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby

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