Dear Webby Humor Letter, Oct 4/06: Program into Start Menu 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  October 4, 2006

Where facts are few, experts are many.
-- Donald R. Gannon

If people never did silly things,
nothing intelligent would ever get done.
-- Ludwig Wittgenstein

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Don wrote about the toolbox tip:
After reading the helpful hint about assembling the small
tool box I have a suggestion.  The contents of the box will
be cleaner and easier to use if the "screwdrivers" are put
in a small thermos.

That went right over my head.
Don had to 'splain that the screwdrivers, that he was
referring to, were liquid refreshments.

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=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Yahoo mail for losing mail Telus for losing mail hotmail for losing more mail than usual
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at
=========================================== After experiencing difficulties with his computer, a poor, incognizant user called the system maker's technical support line for assistance... Technician: Hello. How can I help you today? Customer: There's smoke coming from the power supply on my computer... Technician: Looks like you need a new power supply... Customer: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files... Technician: Sir, what you described is a faulty power supply. You need to replace it. Customer: No way! Someone told me that I just had to change the system startup files to fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the right command... For the next ten minutes, in spite of the technician's efforts to explain the problem and its solution, the customer adamantly insisted that he was right. So, in frustration, the technician responded: Technician: I'm sorry. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there's an undocumented Windows command that may fix the problem. Customer: I knew it! Technician: Just click on START, RUN, type into that field the line 'LOAD NOSMOKE.COM' and hit ENTER. Everything should work fine. Let me know how it goes. About ten minutes later, the technician received a call back from the customer. Customer: It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking... Technician: Well, what version of Windows are you using? Customer: XP, SP2 Technician: Well, that may be your problem. That version of XP doesn't include NOSMOKE. You'll need to contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch. Let me know how it all works out. When nearly an hour had passed, the phone rang again. Customer: I need a new power supply... Technician: How did you come to that conclusion? Customer: Well, I called Microsoft and told the technician what you said, and he started asking me questions about the make of the power supply. Technician: What did he tell you? Customer: He said my power supply isn't compatible with the NOSMOKE command. ===========================================
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=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Rose Webste, 39 of Port ST. Lucie, Florida Dumb way to play the lottery September 27, 2006 - Port ST. Lucie, Florida - Ap A Port St. Lucie woman won't be keeping the $200 she won from scratch-off lottery tickets. That's because police said 39 year old Rose Webster stole the roll of scratch off tickets from the gas station where she works. Authorities said Webster redeemed her winnings at another local convenience store and used the cash to buy a money order and cigarettes. Employees at that store were able to identify Webster through a photo lineup. Detectives said she confessed to the crime and may have done it because she was upset her hours at work had been cut back. Webster is charged with grand theft. She remains in St. Lucie County jail on $2,500 bail. ===========================================
=========================================== Thanks to my dad for sending these pictures: Main Street Town Entrance Gmunden, a quaint little town in Austria. Note the date that the town was officially incorporated: 1278 ===========================================
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=========================================== The cowboy was trying to buy an insurance policy. The insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions. "Ever have an accident?" "Nope, nary a one." "None? You've never had any accidents." "Nope. Ain't never had one. Never." "That's hard to believe. Never been hurt at all?" "Well, rattler bit me one time." "Wouldn't you consider that an accident?" "Heck no. Damned varmint bit me on purpose." ===========================================
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=========================================== "Dad, will you do my math homework? I promised the neighbor to help him fix his fence and it's going to be late by the time we finish." "I'm sorry," replied the father. "It wouldn't be right." "Well, " said the boy, "at least you could try. Wrong answers don't count as bad as no answers." ===================================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Anna Re: Program into start menu Dear Webby How do I get a program that I use a lot into the start menu, so that I don't have to keep searching for it every time? Anna Dear Anna Find the program with the file explorer, right-click it, and in the grey menu that shows up, scoot way down to where it offers you to pin it to the start menu. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Two hunters are out in the woods of kentucky when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's actually dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what next?" ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! ========================================== The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a "Honk If You Love Jesus" bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper. Boy, I'm glad I did! What an uplifting experience followed! I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is. I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed! I found that LOTS of people love Jesus! While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, "For the love of GOD! GO! GO! GO!" What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love! There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a "sunny beach". I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only one finger stuck up in the air. I asked my teenage grandson who was in the car with me what that meant, he said that it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, I waved to all my sisters and brothers grinning, and drove on through the intersection. I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and I felt kind of sad that had to leave them after all the love we had shared, so I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks! =========================================== Deeli's Kudos September 30, 2006 - Sudbury, Suffolk, UK - Ananova Ten Tesco staff have won 7.5million on the Lottery - but decided to carry on working. The women, who work at a store in Sudbury, Suffolk, had one of the two winning tickets to share Saturday's 15 million jackpot. They have each won a 750,000 share, reports The Sun. A spokeswoman for Tesco said: "We obviously want to congratulate them on their good fortune. It's marvellous. "It's too early to say if any of them is planning to resign. All I can say is that they've all turned up for work again." A store insider said: "It is easy to tell who they are - they are the ones with huge grins on their faces! ============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you. ============================================= Daily tip from Toilet Overflowing When your toilet is overflowing, quickly reach for the shut off valve behind your toilet. Once you have the water turned off, then work on the clog. Tip provided by Check out their new Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun Subscribe and get access to their new Printable Coupon page! Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the list, you can vote for it here: ... ;/font> ======================================== Thanks to Bob for this story: When my mother was called for jury duty, she felt confident of her ability to answer the questions asked of prospective jurors. Since I am an attorney, I had filled her in on what to expect. Asked about the occupations of family members, Mom answered, "My son is a lawyer." As a follow-up, she was asked if she had ever used the services of an attorney. "Only to mow my lawn," she said. ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but it will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== Dear Webby: Thanks for the article on Colliding with Death at 37.000 ft. At least we now know a bit more on what really happened up there. I live in Argentina, but travel a lot to Brazil, and Gol has one of the best and newest fleets. It was a shock to read about the accident, especially in an area where it is almost impossible to collide with anything, as very few planes take that route. The survivors are definitely living on "lent" time, aren't they? Manin
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======================================== Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Sculptures ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby

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