Dear Webby Humor Letter, Oct 12/06: Problems at getting worse 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  October 12, 2006

The trouble with jogging is that, by the time you realize you're
not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back.
-- Franklin P. Jones

I like rice.
Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something.
-- Mitch Hedberg

He who opens a school door, closes a prison.
-- Victor Hugo

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

Thanks to Bunny for this:
There once was a woman who woke up one morning,
looked in the mirror, and noticed she had only three hairs
on her head.

"Well," she said, "I think I'll braid my hair today."

So she did and she had a wonderful day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw that

she had only two hairs on her head.

"H-m-m, " she said, "I think I'll part my hair down the middle

So she did and she had a grand day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed
that she had only one hair on her head.

"Well," she said, "Today I'm going to wear my hair in a pony tail."

So she did and she had a fun, fun day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed
that there wasn't a single hair on her head.

"YEAH!" she exclaimed, "I don't have to fix my hair today!"

Attitude is everything.

Want the secrets to becoming a best-selling author? Discover the secrets to creating a book and turning it into a best-seller in record time! Best of all, it is 100% FREE!
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to for losing mail If you are on, don't expect a reply to your mails or help requests. Use gmail, AOL or hotmail for anything important.
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at
=========================================== A missionairy discovered a tribe of Indians in the Amazon who had never recorded a baptism, confirmation or marriage. The missionairy soon rectified the situation by baptizing everyone. He also married every beaming couple that walked by. Later, the tribal chief told the missionairy the tribe had never had so much fun. The missionairy asked the chief which part they enjoyed the most. "The marriage service," the chief said, smiling. "We all got new wives...!" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Elmer Williams of keystone heights, Florida Toook his (wife's) kids along to burglar her mother's house. October 10, 2006 - Keystone Heights, Florida - AP A Clay County man has been accused of using his kids in a burglary. The children told police they helped their father, Elmer Williams, get inside the house belonging to the mother of his estranged wife. Williams was later arrested and taken to jail. According to the arrest report, Williams had his children go through a hole in the wall where an air conditioner had been and unlock the back door. Williams allegedly took a stereo system, a camera and several collectible swords and knives. The children had been with their father for a weekend visit, and naturally told their mother on Monday, and their grandmother, and the cops. ===========================================
=========================================== Thanks to Nita for this picture: Dear Webby, Squirrel in today's Humor Newsletter is just adorable thank you. Here is our squirrel devouring pumpkin seeds. We love your computer advice & all of your Newsletter. Nita ===========================================
Synchronize your brain waves with this CD and improve your ability to focus. A very effective course is included! Being able to focus better also increases your reading speed, retention. and understanding. It also helps greatly with remembering names. For more info click on the CD or go to
=========================================== In a recent Harris On-line poll 38,562 men across the US were asked to identify woman's ultimate fantasy. 97.8% of the respondents said that a woman's ultimate fantasy is to have two men at once. While this has been verified by a recent sociological study, it appears that most men do not realize that in this fantasy, one man is cooking and the other is cleaning. ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== John was driving home late one night when he picked up a hitchhiker. As they rode along he began to be suspicious of his passenger. John checked to see if his wallet was safe in the pocket of his coat that was on the seat between them, but it wasn't there! So he slammed on the brakes, ordered the hitchhiker out, and said, "Hand over the wallet immediately!" The frightened hitchhiker handed over a billfold, and John drove off. When he arrived home, he started to tell his wife about the experience, but she interrupted him, saying, "Before I forget, John, do you know that you left your wallet at home this morning? ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sandie Re: Screensaver password Hi Webby! Can you tell us all how to set up a screen saver password... I can't seem to find the exact spot to do it... My laptop sits unattended a lot, and I don't want anyone to access it while it is not being used.... I am sure a lot of new people would need this info as well. Keep up the great Humor Letter, it is the best on line.... Sandie Dear Sandie If your "on resume, password protect" box n the screen saver set-up window shows "on resume, display welcome screen" box, try this: 1. Log on to the computer as an administrator. 2. Click Start, click Control Panel, and then click User Accounts. 3. Click Change the way users log on or off. 4. Deselect the "Use the Welcome screen" check box, and the 5) Deselect "Use Fast User Switching" check box 6.) Click OK and exit User Accounts. You may have to log off and reboot for the change to become effective. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== As the sun rose over Parris Island, the senior drill instructor realized that one of his recruits had gone AWOL, so a search party was dispatched immediately. After a few hours, the recruit was discovered hiding in some bushes nearby. He was sent back to the base and promptly escorted to the drill instructor's office. The instructor asked the young recruit, "Why did you go AWOL?" The recruit replied, "On my first day here, you issued me a comb and then proceeded to cut my hair off. On the second day, you issued me a toothbrush and then sent me to the dentist, who proceeded to pull out my teeth. Finally, on the third day, you issued me a jock strap... and I wasn't about to wait around to find out what would follow that, Sir." ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! ========================================== Deeli's Kudos October 8, 2006 - Warren, Rhode Island - AP Despite heavy rains that stunted pumpkin growth, a Rhode Island farmer has set what could be a new record for the largest pumpkin in the world. Ron Wallace's pumpkin weighed 1,502 pounds at Saturday's weigh-off competition, heavier than the current Guinness World Record-holding 1,469-pound pumpkin grown last year by Larry Checkon of Pennsylvania. Wallace said at the 13th annual Rhode Island Southern New England Giant Pumpkin Growers Championship that the key to growing a giant pumpkin is the ability to commit to the task from April to October. "Pumpkin growing is a lot of work and you just have to stick with it," he said. It is also weather-dependent. ============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you. ============================================= Daily tip from Cleaning the Chimney If you have a fireplace or wood burning stove, it is the time of year to have your chimney cleaned and inspected. Keeping your chimney maintained can help increase the efficiency of your stove and also helps prevent chimney fires. Tip provided by Check out their new Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun Subscribe and get access to their new ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the list, you can vote for it here: ======================================== When the family car developed a slight knock, the husband asked his wife if she had bought prmium or regular gas, but she couldn't remember. "You probably got the cheaper gas," he said. "That could account for the engine running so rough." "No, the gas wasn't cheaper!" she replied indignantly. "Well, how much did it cost?" asked the husband probingly. "It cost the same as always." said the wife. "I told the man to put in the usual ten dollars worth." ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== One of many letters from SHAW.CA victims: This one has no profanity in it. From Neil: Dear Webby When I read complaints from your subscribers regarding Hotmail, Yahoo, AOL and others not delivering your letter, I would feel smugly superior that Shaw Cable would not do that. I used to boast about the high level of expertise and good service from Shaw's tech support. That all changed on Oct 8 when I realized that I had not received your letter since October 1. I had been very busy, so I actually had not read most of the email coming into my inbox for about a week. I called Shaw's support line and left my telephone number and name on their system as they assured me I would not lose my place in line and my call would be returned within 14 minutes. As of October 11 at 2:42 I am still waiting for that call and others placed over the next few days to be returned. Today I bit the bullet and remained on hold for 57 minutes until my call was answered. I spent an hour with Shaw to try to get them to pass your email on to my inbox. The first thing Shaw did was blame my router. I know it is not the router that is blocking select emails. But I dutifully followed through on their instructions and unplugged my router and modem to allow them to reset. No change (no surprise) so it was time to move on to the next step. The next step he asked me to take was to delete my accounts from Thunderbird and then set up the accounts again. (This is not the problem either, but I did so without thinking) I did not back up the emails. Now all the emails in my Thunderbird inbox are lost. Bah! Then they said they were not using any filters to block email. I do not use Shaw's online ju$nk filtering as I have used Mailwasher for many years. Tech support did not know what Mailwasher is or does and needed an explanation. Then the support guy asked his supervisor, who said they routinely block servers who send thousands of emails to Shaw customers. The explanation is that any server sending huge numbers of emails must be a sp@@#mmer!! What a stupid way to assess sp@@m! Have they never heard of spoofed email addresses? What about bot nets? I could go on.... I asked him why a legitimate family newsletter like yours was being blocked, but my inbox always contained solicitatio@ns to get rich, I have won the lottery, and of course the inevitable offers to help me enlarge certain body parts, make those parts work better er um harder, etc., etc. He repeated the "tens of thousands of emails from a single server mean the email is sp@@m. I replied by quoting your reply (verbatim) to Cindy about her problem with Shaw. (See the archived copies of DearWebby's letters at for the reply. He repeated that Shaw blocks servers that send "tens of thousands of emails to Shaw customers because they are sp@@am." I asked him about the likelihood of them blocking newsletters from other places like Cloudeight, ZD Net, and Lockergnome to name a few. He said that was possible. I explained that I pay for subscriptions to some of these newsletters, and I would be angry to have them blocked. I said that I pay Shaw to connect me to the internet and provide email service--not to be my Mommy and censor my email. He was unmoved. I argued that this was the same as your mailman deciding to throw out some of your mail because he didn't like Reader's Digest, or any other advertising flyer. He remained unmoved (or didn't get it.) According to the tech support guy he has sent a ticket to allow Webby's newsletter back through to my and other subscribers email boxes. He said it might take two or three days to get the ticket out to everyone in building(!!???!!!?). He also said we would have to go through the whole rigamarole again if Shaw chooses to block other newsletters. What a bunch of horsepuckey!! Feel free to post this in an upcoming letter. Maybe someone higher up in Shaw will read this and do something. (no, I won't hold my breath) Neil Dear Neil The mail at Telus, Shaw's competitor, started working on Sept 28, just as if they had fired their "tech". On Oct 1, the mail problems, that Telus used to have, mysteriously appeared at By the way, there are not "tens of thousands" of subscribers with addresses. There are less than 500 left. All the others have already upgraded their mails to gmail, hotmail or AOL. Yes, pretty sad when Shaw is making AOL look good by comparison! Forget trying to get results going through their IT department. As you noticed, they have no clue and resent it, when you try to confuse them with facts. Your only hope is to reach Shaw's management through letters to the editors of local papers. Good Luck! DearWebby
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at
======================================== Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Missouri Skies ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby

[ view entry ] ( 234 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |  related link  |   ( 2.9 / 1071 )

<<First <Back | 142 | 143 | 144 | 145 | 146 | 147 | 148 | 149 | 150 | 151 | Next> Last>>