Good Morning, ! Saturday, October 14, 2006 ====================================== Think like a man of action, act like a man of thought. -- Henri Bergson ====================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! =========================================== Thanks to Amber Rose for this report: How to Make a Woman Happy It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be: 1. a friend 2. a companion 3. a lover 4. a brother5. a father 6. a master 7. a chef 8. an electrician 9. a carpenter 10. a plumber 11. a mechanic 12. a decorator 13. a stylist 14. a sexologist 15. a gynecologist 16. a psychologist 17. a pest exterminator 18. a psychiatrist 19. a healer 20. a good listener 21. an organizer 22. a good father 23. very clean 24. sympathetic 25. athletic 26. warm 27. attentive 28. gallant 29. intelligent 30. funny 31. creative 32. tender 33. strong 34. understanding 35. tolerant 36. prudent 37. ambitious 38. capable 39. courageous 40. determined 41. true 42. dependable 43. passionate 44. compassionate WITHOUT FORGETTING TO: 45. give her compliments regularly 46. love shopping 47. be honest 48. be very rich 49. not stress her out 50. not look at other girls AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO: 51. give her lots of attention, but expect little himself 52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself 53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes IT IS VERY IMPORTANT: 54. Never to forget: * birthdays * anniversaries * arrangements she makes, no matter whether she tells him about them or not HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY 1. Show up naked 2. Bring food ===========================================Want the secrets to becoming a best-selling author? Discover the secrets to creating a book and turning it into a best-seller in record time! Best of all, it is 100% FREE! http://webby.com/a/bsa.html=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Shaw.ca for losing mail (not all provinces) If you are on Shaw.ca, don't expect a reply to your mails or help requests. Shaw.ca users are advised to switch gas, electricity and phone bills to gmail, AOL or hotmail until further notice.If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog=========================================== BENEFITS OF BEING A WOMAN Taxis stop for us. We'll never regret piercing our ears. We have the ability to dress ourselves. If we forget to shave, no one has to know. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies (you get the point). We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems. ===========================================Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Sandy Sullivan in Madison, Wisconsin Silly Sullivan October 11, 2006 - Madison, Wisconsin - AP Most politicians would want to avoid a sex scandal. But not Sandy Sullivan. She's boasting of her bed-hopping with the Green Bay Packers during the team's glory days in the 1960s. Sullivan is running for Wisconsin secretary of state. She's written of her groupie days in a self-published memoir titled, "Green Bay Love Stories and Other Affairs." The book has people talking in football-crazy Wisconsin. But Sullivan is not given much of a chance of beating incumbent Doug La Follette. ===========================================SAVE FUEL - SAVE MONEY HELP THE ENVIRONMENT visit MPGadvantage.com today=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this picture: ===========================================Synchronize your brain waves with this CD and improve your ability to focus. A very effective course is included! Being able to focus better also increases your reading speed, retention. and understanding. It also helps greatly with remembering names. For more info click on the CD or go to http://webby.com/opti=========================================== With the divorce rate so high in America, a new organization has been formed called, "Marriage Anonymous." Whenever a man feels like getting married, they send over a woman wearing a torn housecoat, with curlers in her hair and cream on her face, and she nags at him for a few hours. ===========================================Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!=========================================== A sailor, while bringing flowers to a cemetery, noticed an old Chinese man placing a bowl of rice on a nearby grave. The sailor walked up to the man and asked, "When do you expect your friend to come up and eat the rice?" The old Chinese man replied with a smile, "Same time your friend comes up to smell the flowers." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: David Re: gmail Webby, I writing to ask if you could send me a full version of today's picture. I want to set that as my desktop. It is a great Winter picture. I also want to tell your subscribers about gmail. I've had gmail since June of 2005 and I haven't missed a single issue of the Humor Letter, or any other correspondence, with gmail. They have plenty of features including 2774mb of storage. The gmail notifier lets me know when I get a new message and their spam blocker sends the spam to another folder so I can decide what I do and do not want to read. It also has an easy way for you to set it up with Outlook Express or any other email reader. I've had hotmail and yahoo email accounts but gmail is the best I've used. Lastly, gmail is still in its beta form, so tech support is happy to hear from you and they do reply to your email messages. David Hi David I uploaded the big picture to http://webby.com/humor/i/Wintermoon1024x768.jpg And I will gladly feature your comment about gmail. Ever since you godfathered me into it ages ago, I had the same good experience with it. I mainly use it to test HOW the Humor Letter looks on gmail, and gmail has worked fine every day. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Groan Alert! While handing a 25 cent-off coupon to the supermarket clerk at the checkout counter, a woman inadvertently missed her hand, and the coupon slipped beneath the scale and was gone. The checker looked distressed, so the woman said, "That's Okay, it's in coupon heaven now." "Coupon heaven?", the checker said. "Yes", the woman said, "That's where coupons go when they die." "Only the redeemed ones!", said the checker. ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos October 9, 2006 - Benton, Kentucky - AP A 15-pound pooch that fended off an intruder to defend its owner has earned a spot in the Kentucky Veterinary Medical Association's Animal Hall of Fame. Teddy Bear, a 4-year-old Pomeranian owned by Leslie Ferguson, 24, bit an armed robber in April and created enough of a distraction that Ferguson could escape to a neighbor's house. The dog was inducted into the association's Hall of Fame on Saturday. "My husband was out of town," Ferguson said. "He was on active duty in the military, and I had a guy break into my house with a gun. He tried to force me into another room. We ended up wrestling for the gun, and Teddy bit him and latched onto his hand. I was able to get the gun from the guy. He ended up getting the gun back, but Teddy distracted him long enough where I could get out of the house." Ferguson said Teddy Bear never hesitated, even though he had never been vicious toward anyone. "I guess he realized that I was in danger, and he just took action," Ferguson said. "He did great." "Teddy followed me and pretty much didn't let me out of his sight until the next day," she said. "He still keeps a close eye on me." ============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at email@example.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. ============================================= Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Sawdust Floor Sweeping Compound Use this recipe to help keep dust down when sweeping your basement garage or workshop. Mix 6 cups sawdust, 2 cups rock salt, and 1 1/2 cups mineral oil and put it in a jar with a lid for storage. To use, sprinkle it on your floor before sweeping. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ======================================== An automobile salesman was pleasantly bewildered when he sold a new car to a little old lady, some 75 years of age, who had previously resisted his sales pitch. Elated over his success, he asked her, as he was filling out the necessary papers, what had finally made her choose his car. "Well," she said, "I visited four dealers and mentioned your car to all of them. They all agreed on one thing - that your car has the fastest depreciation of all the cars on the market. That was good enough for me." ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== Dear Webby, I thought you might be interested in knowing that Al Morse sent me the subscription to your Humor Letter. Al was the torpedoman on the PT-319, while I was the torpedoman on the PT-318, both of Motor Torpedo Boat Squadron 5, during the Solomon Islands campaigns and beyond into the Admiralty Islands. We haven't seen each other since 1944, but through the magic of electronics, we can stay in touch. Two octogenarians still around. Regards, Jack DuncanIf you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog======================================== Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Jet Beetle http://www.ronpatrickstuff.com/ ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby To reply to me personally, just hit REPLY. PS: If the greeting on top does NOT have your first name, or at least your favorite nickname, please tell me. I can correct that in two seconds and greet you properly from then on. If you want to give a gift subscription to a friend, but don't have time to subscribe her or him, just hit REPLY and tell me. I will gladly enter them for you. To reply to me personally, just hit REPLY. or write to firstname.lastname@example.org I am not in the least worried about spam like most other newsletter writers, who wimp out behind no-reply addresses. The reason I am not worried about spam is because I use the FireTrust Mail Washer. My addresses have been on the web for 10 years and are probably on every spam list there is. Every day Thousands of mails are sent to me. MailWasher trashes all but the 200 that I answer. Try MailWasher FREE for 30 days It's still the best spam control program for people who get lots of mail. If you do not normally get the Humor Letter every day, and this was the first time, then a friend sent you a one time sample or maybe even gave you a gift subscription. If you like the Humor Letter, then you can subscribe at http://webby.com/humor/sub2.html You can also UNsubscribe there. If you don't want to receive the Webby Humor Letter, please unsubscribe by clicking the link below: You are currently subscribed with this address: Unsubscribe from the regular HTML version: UNSUBSCRIBE Unsubscribe from the LARGE FONT HTML version UNSUBSCRIBE Unsubscribe from the plain text version: UNSUBSCRIBE Give a free gift subscription to a friend!
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