Dear Webby Humor Letter, Oct 16: Invisible Counter 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  October 16, 2006
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I not only use all the brains that I have,
but all that I can borrow.
-- Woodrow Wilson

No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture
unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the
conversation.
-- Fran Lebowitz

May your life be as long and useful as a roll of toilet paper.
-- Fortune Cookie

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Two ministers were discussing the decline in morals in the
modern world.  "I didn't sleep with my wife before I was
married," said one clergyman self-righteously. "Did you?"

"I don't know," said the other. "What was her maiden name...?"

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=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Shaw.ca for losing mail (not all provinces) Yahoo Mail for losing mail again
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== I'm a LIFE-AND-CAREER coach, and one morning a prospective client called for an appointment. I asked him what he wanted to get out of our sessions. "Clarity," he said very firmly. "And on what issues are you looking for clarity?" I probed. "Well," he said in a less confident tone, "I don't know." ===========================================
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=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the Taliban Smokers wanted Troops battle 10-foot marijuana plants Oct 13, 8:48 AM (ET) OTTAWA (Reuters) - Canadian troops fighting Taliban militants in Afghanistan have stumbled across an unexpected and potent enemy -- almost impenetrable forests of 10-feet-high marijuana plants. General Rick Hillier, chief of the Canadian defense staff, said on Thursday that Taliban fighters were using the forests as cover. In response, the crew of at least one armored car had camouflaged their vehicle with marijuana. "The challenge is that marijuana plants absorb energy, heat very readily. It's very difficult to penetrate with thermal devices ... and as a result you really have to be careful that the Taliban don't dodge in and out of those marijuana forests," he said in a speech in Ottawa. "We tried burning them with white phosphorous -- it didn't work. We tried burning them with diesel -- it didn't work. The plants are so full of water right now ... that we simply couldn't burn them," he said. Even successful incineration had its drawbacks. "A couple of brown plants on the edges of some of those (forests) did catch on fire. But a section of soldiers that was downwind from that had some ill effects and decided that was probably not the right course of action," Hillier said dryly. One soldier told him later: "Sir, three years ago before I joined the army, I never thought I'd say 'That damn marijuana'." Due to the size of the marijuana forests they are now seeking 5000 new recruits with experience setting marijuana on fire and some experience / immunity / resistance to it's effects. ===========================================
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=========================================== Thanks to Dianne for this picture: =========================================== A woman went into a hardware store to purchase a bale of peat moss. She gave a personal check in payment and said to the clerk, "I suppose you will want some identification." He replied, without hesitation, "No ma'am, that won't be necessary." "How come?" asked the woman. "Crooks don't buy peat moss," answered the clerk. ===========================================
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=========================================== A troop of Brownie Scouts is touring a cathedral, and the children seem especially fascinated by the votive candles in front of a side altar. The leader asks if they'd each like to light one. She explains that it is customary to say a prayer asking for something or giving thanks. "Do you have any questions?" she asks. "No," says one little girl. "But if there's a pony outside, it's mine." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Leslie Re: Invisible counter Dear Webby, I want a counter on my page, but because it is still new, the count is embarassingly low. Is there a way to hide it? Leslie Dear Leslie Yes, sure there is. Just use a <.font color="white"> before it, and a <./font> after it. It will blend into your white page and not be visible, UNLESS you wipe the mouse over that exact spot. It is usually easy enough to select a spot where visitors are not likely to wipe their mouse over it. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== A couple of boys are fishing at their special pond off the beaten track. All of a sudden, the local game warden jumps out of the bushes. Immediately, one of the boys throws down his rod and starts running through the woods. The game warden is hot on his heels. After about a half mile, the young man stops to catch his breath, so the game warden finally catches up to him. "All right," the official gasps. "Let's see yer fishin' license, boy!" The boy pulls out his wallet and gives the game warden a valid fishing license. "Well, son," the man says, "you must be about as dumb as a box of rocks! You don't have to run from me if you have a valid license!" "Yes, sir," replies the young guy, "but that other guy who was back there, whom I don't know, he might not have had a license." ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos Kudos to mom. October 11, 2006 - Palatka, Florida - AP A Putnam County teen is accused of printing fake cash. According to police reports, the 16-year-old was turned in by his own mother for making home-made 20-dollar bills. Police said the counterfeit money was not high quality, and there have not been any reports of the counterfeits being used in local stores. The teen told authorities he found the template for his fake bills on a pop-up ad when he was using the computer and that he made them as a joke. The teen is now behind bars at a juvenile facility. Counterfeiting is a federal offense. ============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. ============================================= Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Supermarket Mistakes Watch the display screen at the register as your groceries are being rung up. If you are overcharged, speak up. Before you leave the store double check the receipt and make sure that the prices were correct. If you catch the mistake before you leave the store you can quickly get a remedy at the service desk. The majority of all mistakes are not in your favor. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
Check out their Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
"U.S. educators are reeling from the low math and science test scores of American students. We bombed in history too. Over 90 percent of American students think BC means Before Cable." -Argus Hamilton ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== From Jaybird Dear Webby, I know very little about the computer and I can only type with one finger. am a disabled amputee and the time I spend with your letters is greatly appreciated. Thanks so much for letting me be a part of it. My nickname is Jaybird if you would like to include me as on of your friends. Jaybird
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Thanks to Arturas from http://zverte.com/ for this Bonus Link: Fluid mechanics http://www-math.mit.edu/~bush/bones.html ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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