Dear Webby Humor Letter, Oct 23/06: Horse For Sale 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  October 23, 2006
======================================

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the
shore like an idiot.
-- Steven Wright

Not to be absolutely certain is, I think, one of the
essential things in rationality.
-- Bertrand Russell

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John took Wendy to dinner at a really posh
restaurant. They walked in, were ushered to a table
by a formally dressed maitre d', and sat down at a
table on which were displayed the finest china and
crystal.

Taking the damask napkin from the solid silver
napkin ring, John unfolded it, put it around his
neck and proceeded to tie a knot in the back.

Staring at him, the maitre d' said, between gritted
teeth, "Sir, will you be having a shave or a haircut?"

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=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Shaw.ca for losing mail (not all provinces) Yahoo Mail for losing mail
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== A real-estate agent was driving around with a new trainee when she spotted a charming little farmhouse with a hand-lettered "For Sale" sign out front. After briskly introducing herself and her associate to the startled occupant, the agent cruised from room to room, opening closets and cupboards, testing faucets and pointing out where a "new light fixture here and a little paint there" would help. Pleased with her assertiveness, the woman was hopeful that the owner would offer her the listing. "Ma'am," the man said, "I appreciate the home-improvement tips and all, but I think you read my sign wrong. It says, "HORSE for sale." ===========================================
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=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 14 year old knife fighter in Grand Junction, CO Juvenile Menace October 16, 2006 - Grand Junction, Colorado - The Denver News Channel A 14-year-old boy could face felony charges after he allegedly tried to stab a 17-year-old classmate at a football game in Grand Junction on Saturday, police said. Police said the younger boy saw the older boy in the stands and tried to stab him with a knife that had a 3.5-inch blade. An off-duty resource officer for Grand Junction High School saw the boys struggling in the stands and separated them. He took the knife and the 14-year-old in custody. No one was hurt. The officer told police when they arrived that the 14 year old boy had been suspended from school last week for fighting with the 17-year-old's younger brother. The 14-year-old faces charges of attempted first-degree assault and menacing. =========================================== =========================================== Thanks to Dianne for this story and picture: To my darling husband Before you return from your overseas trip I just want to let you know about the small accident I had with the pick up truck when I turned into the driveway. Fortunately not too bad and I really didn't get hurt, so please don't worry too much about me. I was coming home from Wal-Mart, and when I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake. The garage door is slightly bent but the pick up fortunately came to a halt when it bumped into your car. Don't worry, it didn't touch your bike. I am really sorry but I know with your kind hearted personality you will forgive me. You know how much I love you and care for you my sweet heart. I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again. Your loving wife. XXX ===========================================
Mycheers Fall Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== Boss... "I saw you arguing with that customer. Don't you know that our policy is 'The customer is always right?'" Employee... "Yes, but he insisted that he was wrong! What was I supposed to do?" ===========================================
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=========================================== An old guy went to his doctor and said, "Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up." "That's not senility," replied the doctor. "Senility is when you forget to zip down...." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: David Re: Game won't install Webby, I'm trying to install a game that's about 5 years old, Red Alert 2. Every time I hit install, or click on the setup program I get an error report. I got a friend's copy of it and it also generated an error report and shut down the program. Any idea's on what I need to do to get this game to install? David Dear David That would depend on the error report. Quite possibly the game needs to have a particular version of VBRUN (Visual Basic Run-time library) installed. Without seeing the error message, that's about as close as I can guess. Have FUN! Dear Webby ========================================== A priest, a pastor, and a rabbi are walking down the street on a hot day and are quite thirsty. They pass a busy bar and want to go in and get a drink but have no money. But the priest comes up with an idea that he thinks might work, so he goes in alone, telling to others that if his idea works they can all get free drinks. He orders his drink, and when he's finished with it, the bartender gives him his tab. The priest says, "But son,... I already paid for the drink!" The bartender says, "I'm terribly sorry father but it's really busy in here and I must have forgotten." The priest goes out and tells the pastor and the rabbi what happened, so the pastor goes in next. The pastor orders his drink and then informs the bartender that he already had paid when the bartender asks him for the money. Again the bartender apologizes. Finally the rabbi goes in and orders his drink. Again the bartender gives him the tab and the rabbi tells him, "Son, I paid you when I ordered the drink." "I'm terribly sorry rabbi," says the bartender, "I don't know what's wrong with me, but your the third man of the cloth that I've done this to." "I'm sorry son," says the rabbi, "but I'm in a terrible hurry,... Just give me my change for the $20 I gave you, and I'll be on my way...!" ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos All in a days work ... October 11, 2006 - Titusville, Florida - AP An uninvited guest checked in Wednesday at a Titusville hotel. A 9-foot alligator parked himself underneath a parked car at the Hampton Inn and it was a fight to get him to check out. A parking lot in Titusville became the scene of a tug-of-war between a monster gator and three trappers, and both sides were determined to win. Trapper Bill Robb and his team were called after the gator crawled into the parking lot from some nearby woods. Robb said he did not want to use a bang stick, because the urban gator hunt was drawing quite a crowd. He said the gator was dangerous and fearless. "The way he acts, he's your a typical nuisance alligator, he did not run from people," Robb said. Once the gator was roped, a trapper moved in close to tape its mouth. But even after that, he still was not ready to go quietly, hissing as he was moved. But in the end, the gator was no match for the team of trappers, who literally had to straddle the animal to get the upper hand. He was dragged across the parking lot and loaded into a truck, all in a day's work for a team of gator hunters with over 35 years of experience. Robb and his team said they trapped 400 gators last month alone.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Buying Shoes When buying shoes, always try on both shoes and walk around in them to make sure you get the right fit. Sizing can be inconsistent from different shoe manufacturers so be sure to try on different sizes. Your feet swell as the day goes on, so trying on shoes in the afternoon will give you a better idea of how they will fit after wearing them for a while. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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Thanks to Cookie for this story: Two neighbors appeared in court, each woman accusing the other of causing trouble in their building. "Let's get to the evidence," the judge said in an effort to end their bickering. "I'll hear the oldest woman first." The case was dismissed for lack of testimony. ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== Deary Webby, I went to Minden, NV (Sat. Oct 21, 2006) to pay my respect and shield against the Westboro Baptists that were to be there with their protest. If they did arrive then I believe they thought it would be in their best interest not to protest. There was over 1,000 people there to pay their respests and approx. 200 Bikers that were mostly Veterans. I thank you for the link you provide your readers. Your link kept me informed and I was able to pass the information on to fellow Veterans. Gringo
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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