Dear Webby Humor Letter, Oct 26/06: XP Emergency shutdown 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  October 26, 2006

It often requires more courage to dare to do right
than to fear to do wrong.
-- Abraham Lincoln

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Thanks to Sandie for this story:
A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party.
She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to
the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested,
but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin
and go to bed, and there was no need for his good time to
be spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away
he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened
without pain; and, as it was still early, decided to go to the
party after all. In as much as her husband didn't know what
costume she'd be wearing, she thought she'd have some
fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when
she wasn't around.

She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting
around on the dance floor, dancing with every chick he could,
getting a little kiss here and a warm squeeze there. His wife
went up to him, and being rather seductive herself, he left
his current partner high and dry and devoted his time to
this new babe who had just arrived.

She let him do whatever he wished, naturally, since he was
her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in
her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars
and they did it all! Zowie! Just before unmasking at midnight,
she slipped away and went home, put the costume away
and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he
would have for his behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in. She asked
how the evening had been?

He said "Oh, the same old thing. You know, I never have a
good time when you're not there."

Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"
He replied, "You know, I didn't dance even one dance.
When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other
guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening.

But I'll tell you...from what I heard, the guy I loaned my
costume to sure had a real good time!"

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=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to for losing mail (not all provinces) Telus for marking good mail as bad
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at
=========================================== Thanks to Connie for this advice: Ski season will be here soon! Hence, the following list of exercises to get you prepared: 16. Visit your local butcher and pay $30 to sit in the walk- in freezer for a half an hour. Afterwards, burn two $50 dollar bills to warm up. 15. Soak your gloves and store them in the freezer after every use. 14. Fasten a small, wide rubber band around the top half of your head before you go to bed each night. 13. If you wear glasses, begin wearing them with glue smeared on the lenses. 12. Throw away a hundred dollar bill-now. 11. Find the nearest ice rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your ski boots, carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles. Pretend you are looking for your car. Sporadically drop things. 10. Place a small but angular pebble in your shoes, line them with crushed ice, and then tighten a C-clamp around your toes. 9. Buy a new pair of gloves and immediately throw one away. 8. Secure one of your ankles to a fire hydrant and ask a friend to run into you at high speed. With a bike. 7. Go to McDonald's and insist on paying $8.50 for a hamburger. Be sure you are in the longest line. 6. Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket and ride a motorcycle fast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face. 5. Drive slowly for five hours - anywhere - as long as it's in a snowstorm and you're following an 18-wheeler. 4. Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray blast your face. Leave the ice on your face until it melts. Let it drip into your clothes. 3. Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed to take them off because you have to go to the bathroom. 2. Slam your thumb in a car door. Don't go see a doctor. 1. Repeat all of the above every Saturday and Sunday until it's time for the real thing! ===========================================
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=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Suliko Gelashvili in St Augustine, Florida Disposed backpack October 18, 2006- St. Augustine, Florida - AP A man is in jail for telling workers at a St. Augustine Wal-Mart that he had a bomb in his backback. According to the arrest report, Suliko Gelashvili told deputies he was joking with the clerks when he told them he had a bomb in the bag and placed it on the counter Tuesday. He then went off into the store and brought back some items to buy. Deputies quickly arrived and took him into custody. The bomb squad blew up the bag but found nothing harmful inside. He was charged with felony placing of a hoax bomb and won't be shopping for a while. =========================================== =========================================== Thanks to Dave for this picture: ===========================================
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=========================================== A cute young woman is giving a man in the barbershop a manicure. The man says, "How about a date later?" "I'm married," she answers. With a wink he says, "So, just tell him you're going out with your girlfriends." "Tell him yourself," she says. "He's shaving you." ===========================================
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=========================================== A Sunday school teacher was teaching her class about the difference between right and wrong. "All right children, let's take another example," she said. "If I were to get into a man's pocket and take his billfold with all his money, what would I be?" Little Jenny raises her hand, and with a confident smile, she blurts out, "You'd be his wife!" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Re: Emergency Shutdown of XP-SP3 XP-SP3 took out some old bugs and put in some new ones. Expect some minor surprises. One that I noticed is that the task manager, that you get by hitting CTRL ALT DEL, and which you can use to shut down a stuck program, is not always behaving in the familiar way. If you can't use it to shut down a stuck program and can't even use the keyboard any more, try this: Hit the Windows key and R It opens the command line and now the keyboard lets you type again, at least in that command line. Type: shutdown -r Now Windows will shut down one program at a time, but it will prompt you to save unsaved files. Save them. Once the program by program shutdown gets past the program that caused the trouble, you can cancel the shut-down, or you can let it complete. Best is to let it complete and do a reboot. Then run Crap Cleaner to clean up the mess left behind during the emergency shut-down. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Thanks to Mary-Beth for this story: Here in the Kentucky hills, you don't see too many people hang-gliding. Ol' Zeek decided to save up and get a hang-glider. He takes it to the highest mountain, and after struggling to the top, he gets ready to take flight. He takes off running and reaches the edge and into the wind he goes! Meanwhile, Maw & Paw Abner were sittin' on the porch swing, talkin 'bout the good ol' days when maw spots the biggest bird she has ever seen! "Look at the size of that bird, Paw!" she exclaims. Paw raises up, "Git mah gun, Maw." Maw runs into the house, brings out his pump action shotgun. He takes careful aim. BANG...BANG.....BANG.....BANG! The monster size bird continues to sail silently over the tree tops. "I think ya missed him, Paw," she says. "Yeah," he replies, "but at least he let go of ol' Zeek!" ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! ========================================== Deeli's Kudos October 12, 2006 - Johnson City, Tennessee - AP A woman's pet parrot flew away from her in Johnson City and turned up hundreds of miles away in Long Island, N.Y., despite being a weak flyer. Kim Kendrick lost her 47-year-old Amazon parrot Buzzy nearly two months ago while walking with him outside. But she got an unexpected phone call Tuesday from a New Yorker named Josh Ruderman, who said he had found Buzzy. "When I heard he was in New York I was skeptical at first," Kendrick said. "But then I talked with Buzzy on the phone and Josh sent me photos and it's no doubt that it's him." The bird didn't fly to New York. Ruderman had been visiting East Tennessee for two months and found Buzzy in Johnson City four days after Kendrick lost him on Aug. 14. Ruderman said he searched the papers during the last three weeks of his visit, but could not find Buzzy's owner. So Ruderman took him home to Long Island. Ruderman finally found Buzzy's grateful owner after reading a Sept. 20 article in the Johnson City Press about the missing parrot and e-mailed her Tuesday. "It really is nice when a story comes together with a happy ending, but for me I will miss Buzzy very much," Ruderman said. Kendrick said she planned to drive up from Tennessee to Long Island next week to pick up Buzzy.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Preparing Clothing for Washing Before laundering clothing, close zipper, snap naps, fasteners, and button buttons. That way your zippers and fasteners won't snag other clothing. The best time to do this is before you toss clothing in the dirty clothes hamper. Tip provided by
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the list, you can vote for it here: ========================================
In one small rural town the sheriff also fulfilled the role of the town's animal Vet. One night the phone rang, and his wife answered. An agitated voice inquired, "Is your husband there?" "Well, do you need him as the sheriff or the vet?" the wife asked. "Both!" was the reply. "We can't get our dog's mouth open, and there's a burglar in it." ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== From a wise lady Dear Webby: Just wanted to make a quick comment on an opinion you posted in this Humor Letter (which I always enjoy, by the way). Your statement: "Near Collisions! The wimpy bimbo should get a life! At the slow speed those overweight slugs waddle around, nobody is going to get hurt in a collision. " In kindergarten, my child was collided into on the playground. She spun and fell on her face, getting knocked out cold-- with a bloody nose. But you'll be interested in learning what happened next. Sure, I was panicked. I mean, that sort of malfunction doesn't happen every day. However, unlike some parents I know and have heard about, I left it to the school to sort out the what-fors and the why-nots. The principal, being a practical and rational woman, reminded the students to be more careful and suggested to the child who bumped mine, that he might like to apologise (which he did). Case closed. I was satisfied. There's no sense in punishing the masses for the inattentions of the few--that would be like banning driving at night for everyone just because a few thousand people get done for DUI at night! My girl also learned that mom's always right: move it or lose it! Warmest regards and salutations, Susan Poe Good for you, Susan!
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at
======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby

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