Dear Webby Humor Letter, Oct 27/06: Emailing Cellphones 

Good Morning,   !
Friday,  October 27, 2006
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There are more fools in the world than there are people.
-- Heinrich Heine

When two men in business always agree,
one of them is unnecessary.
-- William Wrigley Jr.

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Thanks to Sandie for this story:
Two Swedes from Wisconsin are sittin' in a boat on
Dead Lake , fishing and suckin' down beer, when all of a
sudden Sven says, "I tink I'm going to divorce my wife.
She hasn't spoken to me in over six mont."

Ole sips his beer and says, "You better tink it over.
Women like tat are hard to find."

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=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Shaw.ca for losing mail (not all provinces) Telus for marking good mail as bad
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== I figured that at age seven it was inevitable for my son to begin having doubts about Santa Claus. Sure enough, one day he said, "Mom, I know something about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy." Taking a deep breath, I asked him, "What is that?" He replied, "They're all nocturnal." ===========================================
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=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Scotlands prison service Vacation from prison October 23, 2006 - Scotland - The Scotsman More than 300 criminals, including a man who killed his baby sons, are to be released from prison for Christmas leave, it was revealed yesterday. Among the convicts scheduled for home leave is Ian Metcalfe, jailed for killing his two sons, 11-week-old Kyle in 1988 and Dylan, five months, in 1996. Both were in the care of Dumfries and Galloway Council. Also slated for holiday leave are a Loyalist terrorist, an armed robber, a racist fire-bomber and a drugs baron. About 150 prisoners will be released temporarily from the open prison Noranside, in Angus, and a further 150 from Castle Huntly, near Dundee. Last night, Kenny MacAskill, the SNP justice spokesman at Holyrood, said: "This calls the very point of open prisons into question. Society has deemed that these people should be punished. They are not being punished, by not locking them up or through community service, over the festive period." The news came shortly after a court heard how a prisoner allowed home on leave last Christmas tried to kill a man in an attack with a hammer. =========================================== =========================================== Thanks to Ross for this picture: Cheap rope ===========================================
Mycheers Fall Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== The family had finally gotten their first dishwasher. The father liked to inspect every new thing that cam into the house, so he stayed in the kitchen and watched the display count down all forty-four minutes of the dishwashing cycle. Suddenly he called out for his wife, shouting, "It's useless, the dishwasher is useless!" The wife was amazed that the newest appliance could be broken after only one use, but he insisted that because they had a water softener, the dishwasher was useless. She decided to look for herself, and there it was, on the inside door, next to the detergent dispenser: USE LESS WITH SOFT WATER ===========================================
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=========================================== When Sam returned to the house one evening, his wife Sarah announced that the new cleaning woman they had hired had stolen two towels. "Yeah," said Sam very disinterested, and reclining on the sofa, "that wasn't very nice of her to do." "It certainly wasn't," Sarah said. "And they were two of the best towels we had... the ones we got from the Hilton Hotel while we were on vacation." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Daniel Re: emailing to phones hello my friend, another question. i stumbled onto a program that allows a person to send an email from your desk top to a cell phone equipped with a screen.naturally i forgot where i found it, but i do know it works because i emailed my sister-in-law. would you happen to know the program name? thanks, daniel, Dear Daniel If you know the email address of the recipient's phone, for example 123-456-7890@vtext.com (a Verizon number) then you can use almost any email program except incrediail. If you don't know what carrier the phone user is using, and the person you are calling is in Canda or the US, then you can use Teleflip from http://teleflip.com The first 100 messages per month are free. If you want to send more, then you got to pay. For other countries you will have to find out the phone's email address. Not the phone owner's. Each phone has it's own email address. SMS phone users usually get that when they sign up, or if they forget it, can get it with one quick call. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== An explorer was leading an entourage through the Amazon jungle when they heard the sounds of drums. At the next village, the leader stopped a native and asked him to explain their meaning. "Bad, real bad when drums stop!" he said before running off. The drum beating continued to pulsate. The safari leader asked another native about it. "Bad, real bad when drums stop!" he said. A few minutes later the drums did stop, and all the expedition members became panicked. The leader grabbed another villager and demanded to know the situation... ... "Bad, real bad that drums stop," he blurted. "Now comes violin solo!" ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos October 17, 2006 - Sheboygan, Wisconsin - Kids Wish Network Born with a condition known as spina bifida, 13-year-old MeKenzi of Sheboygan recently experienced an exciting dream vacation to Hawaii thanks to Kids Wish Network, an organization that grants wishes to children with life- threatening illnesses. Confined to a wheelchair, there are many things that MeKenzi is unable to do. However, nothing stopped this extraordinary girl during her trip to Honolulu, where she even hit the water for some surfing lessons! With her wheelchair abandoned back on the beach with her parents and under the watchful eye of her instructor, MeKenzi steadied herself firmly on top of her surfboard. She was not fazed in the least by the rolling Pacific waves and she wore a grin from ear to ear as the water splashed against her face. Her father, Douglas, however, was terrified. But all he could hear over the roar of the ocean was MeKenzi's voice yelling, "I want to do it again! I want to do it again!" Watching his daughter struggle daily with her mobility was tremendously difficult; seeing her out there, surfing in the Pacific Ocean, made his heart swell.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Gopherproof Flower Beds You can create a gopherproof flower bed by digging down about 18 inches and lining the bottom and sides of the bed with screens (old window screens work well) or avery mesh. Then replace the dirt and plant the flower bed. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Thanks to Cookie for this Halloween story: Two nuns, Sister Margaret and Sister Helen, are traveling through Europe in their car. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a tiny little evil looking Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through the windshield. "Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Margaret. "What shall we do"? "Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination," says Sister Helen. Sister Margaret switches them on, knocking Dracula about, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns. "What shall I do now?"she shouts? "Switch on the windshield washer. I filled it up with Holy Water at the Vatican," says Sister Helen. Sister Margaret turns on the windshield washer. Dracula screams as the water burns his skin, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns. "Now what?" shouts Sister Margaret? "Show him your cross," says Sister Helen. "ALRIGHT NOW YOU'RE TALKIN'," says Sister Margaret. She opens the window sticks her head out and screams: "YOU &@#$%@, GET THE F**** OFF MY CAR !!" ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== If we had more mothers like Susan, the world would be a better place. NOBODY wants to take responsibility for their actions anymore. I had a fender bender the other day, first one in 35 years. I admitted it was my fault, the cop was aghast. Have a great day, Bill
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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