Dear Webby Humor Letter, Oct 28/06: More on emailing to SMS cell phones 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  October 28, 2006

A person is never happy except at the price of some
-- Anatole France

When I am abroad, I always make it a rule never to criticize
or attack the government of my own country. I make up for
lost time when I come home.
-- Sir Winston Churchill

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
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The Master of the house is comfortably installed in an armchair
in the library, reading a newspaper.

Suddenly, James, his butler, rips the door open and shouts,
"Sir, the Thames is flooding the streets!"

The Master looks up calmly from the newspaper and says,
"James, please.  I have already told you.  If you do have
something important to tell me, first knock on the door,
then enter and inform me of the issue, in a quiet and
civilized manner.  Now please, do so."

James apologizes and closes the door behind him.  Three
seconds later, the Master hears a knock on the door.


James partially enters the room, and with a wide gesture,
makes an invitation as for somebody on the outside to enter,
then says, "Sir, the Thames."

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=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to for losing mail (not all provinces) Telus for marking good mail as bad Yahoo for losing mail
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at
=========================================== Little Susan was mother's helper. She helped clean the house and set the table when company was due for dinner. Everything was ready when the guests arrived, and they were seated at the table. Susan's mother noticed something was missing and said, "Susan, why didn't you put a knife and fork at Mr. Thompson's place." Little Susan explained frankly, "I thought he wouldn't need them, because Daddy says he always eats like a horse." ===========================================
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=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Gareth Edwards, 47, in Grays, Essex, England Too dumb for a mug shot October 25, 2006 - UK - Ananova A family had to scrap a 3,000 holiday after their youngest daughter's passport photograph was rejected - because she was smiling. Gareth and Lesley Edwards saved for months to go to Cyprus with children Megan, ten, and Alys, nine, reports the Sun. But the night before they were due to fly out, Lesley, 46, realised she was the only one with a valid passport. Travel agents booked them on to a flight a few days later and the family quickly filled out passport application forms and had photos taken. But when he reached the Passport Office, in Peterborough, officials said their machine would not accept Alys's photograph. Lesley said: "They told Gareth that because Alys's teeth were clearly visible the photograph was not acceptable." Gareth, 47, got another picture of Alys taken and rushed it to Peterborough from their home in Grays, Essex, but got there too late. A Home Office spokesman said: "The new biometric passports carry a scan of the holder's face. In this instance the machine which takes the biometric image would have rejected the girl's photo because her mouth was open." ------------------------------------- The instructions for passport pictures are quite clear: A non-smiling, close-mouthed mug shot with mouth, nose, eyes and half the forehead not obscured by hair or clothing. No exceptions. Arguments only cause delays. Those rules go back many years, long before the biometric passports were agreed on by the International community. =========================================== =========================================== Let's do it again! =========================================== LazyBones Software Packs =========================================== Grampa was telling his youngest grandson about his terrifying experience with cannibals. "There I was, lost in the middle of the jungle, surrounded by twenty hungry cannibals." His grandson said, "But last time you told me, there were only ten hungry cannibals." And Grampa said, "Ah, but you were too young then, to know the whole horrible truth!" ===========================================
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=========================================== When the type on a man's printer begins to grow faint, he calls a local repair shop where a friendly man informs him that the printer probably only needs to be cleaned. "We charge $50 to clean a printer," he says, "so you might be better off reading the manual and doing the job yourself." Surprised by the clerk's candor, the man asks, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?" "Actually, it's my boss's idea," the clerk replies sheepishly. "We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: DJ Re: More about mail to cell phones I know how really fond you are of AOL, Webby . . . but Daniel can also use AOL Instant Messenger (AIM) to send text messages to cell phones. For sending to numbers in the U.S. you simply add plus one before the area code and number as in "+11234567890. You can use Setup-->Buddy List Setup--> Add Mobile to list your often called numbers. Love all your tech tips as well as the humor. Nice to be able to return the favor sometimes . . . dj Dear DJ AOL has improved considerably since spring, and I have not complained about AOL for a long time. Currently AOL is much more reliable and respectable than for example Currently Shaw, while good for connectivity, seems to be trying to disgust their victims enough, so that they upgrade their emails to at least AOL. If you don't have AOL, or want to email to an SMS phone outside the US, and don't want to use the free Teleflip, there is a fair bit of info at ... phone.html Have FUN! DearWebby ==========================================
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=========================================== With no warning and clear out of the blue, a husband said to his wife, "Honey, I have invited a friend home for supper tonight." His wife replied, "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't have time to go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal tonight!" The husband said, "Yes, same as usual. I know all that." "Then why in the world did you invite your friend for supper tonight?" asked the wife. The guy answered, "Because the poor fool is thinking about getting married." ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! ========================================== Deeli's Kudos October 25, 2006 - Kansas City, Kansas - IBS A man who quit high school to enlist in the Navy and fight in World War II received his high school diploma on Tuesday. Wyandotte High School in Kansas City presented the diploma to Richard Rodriguez 62 years after he was supposed to graduate. The event was a surprise to Rodriguez, who thought he was attending a ceremony where his son would be honored. "This is a big surprise. I didn't know what to think about -- they never told me," Rodriguez said. He said the main reason he enlisted in the Navy was to protect his older brother who was already serving overseas. "Well, I wanted to get him home to the family again. The only way to do that was to make the Navy bigger," Rodriguez said. When the war ended, Rodriguez and his brother returned home. "My mom was very, very, happy," he said. Since his return, Rodriguez and his wife, Rita, have raised three children, but he said he has never forgotten his days as a young sailor. "You feel proud because you've accomplished something and you helped freedom and we're still, even today, looking forward to freedom everywhere," he said. Last summer, Rodriguez's son contacted the school district and the Navy so his father could receive his diploma. The event was coordinated by the Kansas Commission on Veterans' Affairs.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
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GROAN ALERT! One day in the forest, three animals were discussing who among them was the most powerful. "I am," said the hawk, "because I can fly and swoop down swiftly at my prey." "That's nothing," said the mountain lion, "I am not only fleet, but I have powerful teeth and claws." "I am the most powerful," said the skunk, "because with a flick of my tail, I can drive off the two of you." Just then a huge grizzly bear lumbered out of the forest and settled the debate by eating them all. . . . hawk, lion, and stinker. ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== Dear Webby I want to tell you that I really appreciate all the work you put into the Humor Letter. The tip about emailing to cellphones is fantastic! Now, I could only get my wife to stop calling back and using up 10 minutes to tell me that she received the forgotten grocery list..... Arthur
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at
======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby

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