Dear Webby Humor Letter, Oct 29/06: Juke Box Site 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  October 29, 2006
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Setting a good example for children takes all the fun
out of middle age.
-- William Feather

Fortune does not change men, it unmasks them.
-- Suzanne Necker

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An Amish man answered a knock on his door one morning.
An electric company worker handed him a piece of paper
stating that the electric company would like to run a power
line through his cow pasture.

The Amish man said, "No, no you can not."

"Legally, that paper says we can." replied the gruff worker.

As he turned and left returning to his co-workers in the field,
the Amish man went to his barn and turned his bulls into the
pasture.

As the 1200 pound bulls rumbled toward the workers in the
field, the Amish farmer hollered, "Show them your paper!"

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=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Shaw.ca for losing mail (not all provinces) Telus for marking good mail as bad Yahoo for losing mail
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Thanks to Walter the stonecarver from http://stonecarver.com for this report: The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even" A Bit Cross." Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666. Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability. It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides." The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose." Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels. ===========================================
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=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 50 year old British tourist in Australia Lost again Sydney, Australia - AP A 50-year-old British tourist was rescued by police for the second time in just over a week Tuesday after twice getting lost in Australia's rugged outback. The man, whose identity was not released, sparked a major air and ground search last Tuesday after he called police from his cellphone and told them he had become lost while hiking in a national park north of Alice Springs. He was found and taken to a hospital, where he was treated for sunburn and dehydration. On Tuesday, the man again called police from his mobile phone to say he was lost in roughly the same area, Northern Territory police said in a statement. Police mounted another search involving three helicopters and a ground crew and eventually found the man five hours later. He was taken to a hospital, where he underwent a medical assessment and was treated for dehydration, the statement s aid. =========================================== =========================================== =========================================== LazyBones Software Packs =========================================== THE REPAIR shop sign read: We do three kinds of jobs—cheap, quick and good. You can have any two: • A good, quick job—won’t be cheap. • A good job, cheap—won’t be quick. • A cheap job, quick—won’t be good. ===========================================
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=========================================== A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity; looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. Driving his partner nuts. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!" The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot." "Forget it, man! You don't stand a chance of hitting her from here!" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Randall Re: Why does the COFI jukebox no longer work? Why does the COFI jukebox no longer work? Dear Randall A lot of people wrote about that during the last week. Too many to answer all individually. Sites like that depend on donations to pay the file transfer costs. I realize that some people suffer from the insane delusion that the Internet is free, and that somebody else should pay for their fun. Well, it does not work that way. That PlayaCofi site has a Donation button there, and they expect at least one out of a thousand visitors to make a little donation to help with the file transfer costs. They donated a lot of work putting that nice collection together, but when tens of thousands of people listen all day and nobody makes any donation, they can't afford to keep that part of the site open to the general public. That site is in Puerto Rico, where wages are very low. They can't afford to pay for your listening pleasure forever. Make a donation, encourage your friends, whom you gave the link, to make donations, and follow it up with a nice letter to sitemaintenance@tropicalglen.com . The Donation button is at the jukebox site at http://www.playacofi.com/Jukebox/1956Top/player.html Have FUN! DearWebby ==========================================
Mycheers Fall Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== Latest news reports advise that a cell of 4 terrorists has been operating in Merseyside, Liverpool. Police advised earlier today that 3 of the 4 have been detained. The Merseyside Regional Police Commissioner stated that the terrorists Bin Sleepin, Bin Drinkin and Bin Fightin have been arrested on immigration issues. The Police advise further that they can find no one fitting the description of the fourth cell member, Bin Workin, in the area. Police are confident that anyone who looks like Workin will be very easy to spot in the community. ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos October 23, 2006 - New York - Happy News Addressing the continuing decline of physical education programs in many of America's schools and diminishing amount of exercise among today's children, the National Football League and American Heart Association today announced the launch of the What Moves U national program. The awareness campaign which includes a unique curriculum supplement is designed to incorporate physical activity in classroom lessons and encourage physical activity to an increasingly inactive generation of children. New York Giants quarterback Eli Manning, American Heart Association Chairman Andy Buroker, and teachers from Manhattan's Adolph S. Ochs School and Academy launched the program this morning by demonstrating how the program can work in any classroom setting. What Moves U includes several key elements: an in-school activity kit created for teachers, by teachers, which includes curriculum-based activity sheets, program-specific learning materials and in-school promotional materials; and, an interactive fitness website for children. The initiative is supported by a national media campaign including television, radio, print, and movie cinema PSAs. NFL teams and American Heart Association affiliates are working together to reach kids in local communities nationwide.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Plastic Cutting Boards for Meat When cutting meat, use a plastic cutting board instead of a wood one. It is much easier to clean bacteria from a plastic cutting board than it is from wood, which will also need to be reseasoned after cleaning. After using a cutting board for meat, wash it well (or wash it in the dishwasher) before using it again to avoid transfering bacteria to other food items. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com When your plastic cutting board gets too marked up from sharp knifes, you can scrape it with a long straight butcher knife or a wide putty knife or spatula that has been square trimmed for scraping. To square trim a putty knife, clamp a file into a vise or a partially opend drawer, and rub the putty knife at a right angle to the file against the serrations. Instead of a thin knife type edge, you will get a flat edge with very sharp corners. A square trimmed putty knife also works very well for scraping glue or paint off a desk or for preparing furniture for painting. You can trim a fuzzy cutting board to smooth as new very quickly with a square trimmed putty knife. Hold it at nearly right angle to the board and PULL it towards you. Never push it, just scrape towards you. If there are deep cuts, turn the board after a few scrapes so that you are scraping in a different direction. That helps to avoid low spots. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
After the birth of their child, an Episcopal priest, wearing his clerical collar, visited his wife in the hospital. He greeted her with a hug and a kiss, and gave her another hug and kiss when he left. Later, the wife's roommate commented: "Your pastor is sure friendlier than mine." ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== Dear Webby, you have been advertising MailWasher for a few years now. Do you use it yourself, and is it any good? Bobbie Dear Bobbie Yes, of course I use it. I don't advertise it because I get about the price of a coffee every time somebody buys it after clicking on the link. I recommend it because it drastically reduces the junkmail related help requests. These days I get around 2800 pieces of mail per day. MailWasher reduces that to the 200 that I need to see and answer. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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