Dear Webby Humor Letter, Oct 30/06: Norton Problems 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  October 30, 2006
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Every nation ridicules other nations, and all are right.
-- Arthur Schopenhauer

Liberty means responsibility.
That is why most men dread it.
-- George Bernard Shaw

The very purpose of existence is to reconcile the glowing
opinion we have of ourselves with the appalling things
that other people think about us.
-- Quentin Crisp

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While traveling through Wyoming one winter day, I was experiencing
what's called a horizontal blizzard. The snow that had fallen the day
before was blowing across the road.

When I stopped for fuel, I remarked on the condition to a man at the
gas station. He obviously was a local who had seen a lot of winters.

"Yeah," he said, nodding. We don't get much snow, but what we do get,
we use a lot."

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=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Shaw.ca for losing mail (not all provinces) Telus for marking good mail as bad Yahoo for losing mail
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== I was in the backyard hanging the laundry when an old, tired looking dog wandered into the yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home. But when I walked into the house, he followed me, sauntered down the hall and fell asleep in a corner. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back. He resumed his position in the hallway and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: "Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap. " The next day the dog arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: "He lives in a home with 10 children - he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Wish it was that easy for me!" ===========================================
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=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Mohamed Zubair, 37 of Piscataway, NJ Robbed himself Bridgewater, N.J. - AP A man who didn't want to tell his wife he couldn't pay the mortgage lied that he had been robbed, Bridgewater police said. Police said Mohamed Mohamed Zubair told them an armed man took $4,000 from him outside a bank on Tuesday. Police issued an alert for a suspect based on the description given by the alleged victim. Police reviewed the bank's surveillance videotape and said it showed the Piscataway resident, but no robber. The 37-year-old is charged with third-degree false reporting of a crime. =========================================== =========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this Halloween greeting: (I think the picture shows her aunt Maxine) =========================================== LazyBones Software Packs =========================================== Two guys are walking down the street and one is telling the other how he hates Slobovians, but when they turn the corner there is an Slobovian organ grinder with a little monkey holding a tin cup. The guy who hates Slobovians puts some coins in the monkey's cup. When they walk away his friend says, "I thought you hated Slobovians yet you gave him money?" And he answers, "Yes, but they are so cute when they are little." ===========================================
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=========================================== A man is at Grand Central Station waiting for his train that leaves at 6 p.m., but he has forgotten his watch. So he looks for someone to ask the time. He spots a guy carrying two suitcases and sporting this fabulous hi-tech watch, so he asks him for the time. The guy replies "Sure, which country?" The fella asks, "How many countries have you got?" to which the man replies, "All the countries in the world!" "Wow! That's a pretty cool watch you've got there." "That's nothing," the man says. "This watch also has a GPS facility, fax, e-mail and can even receive NTSC television channels and display them on its miniature active color pixel LCD screen!" "Boy, that's incredible. I wish I had a watch like that one. You wouldn't consider selling it by any chance?" "Well, actually the novelty has worn off for me, so for $900, if you want it, it's yours." The watchless traveler can hardly whip out his checkbook fast enough to hand over a check for $900. The seller takes off the watch and gives it to him. "Congratulations, here is you new hi-tech watch." Then, handing the two suitcases over as well, he says, "And here are the batteries." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Rheta Re: Norton and Defender Dear webby: i may have a big problem. my norton antivirus was runing out. and i had heard that norton dosent really catch everything. so i bought Defender pro 15 in 1. i thought i had uninstalled norton. befor i installed Defender. when i tried to install the anti virus it says norton is still installed on my computer and i canot run the new one now what do i do? i just got a message pop up saying. surrent securrity. attention on sunday 29. 06 an Lovesanattack was dected on my machine..... Rheta Dear Rheta That is one of the reasons I, and most techs, don't like Norton. It is often nearly impossible to get a complete and clean un-install. I have no idea if Defender is a solution or a problem. All I use is McAfee VirusScan and McAfee fire-wall. Since McAfee works just fine, I have never spent any time checking out alternatives. I have used VirusScan since the 80's, when it came on a 360 KB 5 1/4" floppy. My only virus related activity is telling McAfee every 5 years what the new expiry date on my VISA for the auto-renewal is. Try contacting Norton and ask them how to get a clean un-install. Then you can try that Defender and see if it helps or makes things worse. Have FUN! DearWebby ==========================================
Mycheers Fall Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," she explained. "Oh, and it took a while to fix it," said the passenger. "Not exactly." replied the stewardess, "It just took us a bit to find a deaf pilot." ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos October 12, 2006 - London - AP A group of school children helped foil an attempted armored van robbery by memorizing the getaway car's registration plate in a school yard chant, police said Wednesday. A passer-by who spotted the car, but feared she would forget the plate number so she asked a group of children to memorize it, police in the northern city of Liverpool said. The group of nine and 10-year-olds remembered the registration details by turning the numbers into a chant, before a classmate arrived with a pen. The three thieves were traced and arrested within 40 minutes, police said. ''The lady did not have a pen or paper on her so went over to the children and repeated the license plate number to them,'' said a spokeswoman for Merseyside Police, speaking on condition of anonymity in line with force policy. ''The children sang the song in a chant to help remember it, while one of them ran into the school for a pen.''
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Warning About Storing Garlic Cloves In Oil There is a common kitchen tip that says to store peeled garlic cloves in oil, unfortunately, botulism can develop when garlic is stored in this manner, especially if it is stored at room temperature. The garlic and oil should be used immediately or stored in the refrigerator for no more than a week. It's a handy tip but not worth the health risk. http://www.hc-sc.gc.ca/iyh-vsv/food-ali ... ail_e.html Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
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A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, "Jeff proposed to me an hour ago." "Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked. "Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a hell." Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is." ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== Dear Webby Here's a nice 50s site: http://oldfortyfives.com/TakeMeBackToTheFifties.htm Jackee
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: All about Candy http://www.candyusa.org/Candy/default.asp
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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