Dear Webby Humor Letter, Oct 31/06:More Norton Problems 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  October 31, 2006

Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting
before you get tired.
-- Jules Renard

It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent
for writing, but I couldn't give it up,
because by that time I was too famous.
-- Robert Benchley

All is in the hands of man. Therefore wash them often.
-- Stanislaw J. Lec

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
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Their were three men in the hospital waiting room
anxiously expecting news any minute about the births of
their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and
says I have great news. Your wife has just given birth to
The man exclaimed. " Well, that all right. I work for
Double Day."

The nurse goes to the second man and says,
"I have great news for you too. Your wife just gave birth
to triplets."
The man says, with great surprise,"Well that's all right.
I work for Triple A."

The nurse goes up to the third man. But before she could
say anything, he shouted,
"I'm out of here!  I work for Seven-Up!!

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=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Telus for marking good mail as bad Yahoo for losing mail
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at
=========================================== A watermelon farmer was determined to scare off the local kids who went into his watermelon patch everynight and ate their fill. After some thought he posted a sign that read "WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS HAS BEEN INJECTED WITH LAXATIVE!" The next night he smiled smugley as he watched the kids run off without eating any of his melons. A week later he was surveying his field and to his satisfaction,no melons were missing but a sign next to his read,"NOW THERE ARE TWO." ===========================================
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=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to US Customs Report sent in by Ross Evil Vegemite US customs question Aussie over Vegemite smuggling 24 October 2006 An Australian's accent was suspicious enough for US customs officials to question him about smuggling contraband. But, rather than drugs or guns, the officers were looking for the much-loved Australasian spread Vegemite, the Geelong Advertiser reported. "We thought they were joking but it was real," Australian Daniel Fogarty told the newspaper. The incident happened on the Canada/US border. "We went down to Montana and were crossing the border, they searched everybody's car as they do and after they searched asked if we were carrying any Vegemite." On this occasion, neither Mr Fogarty nor his partner, Sarah Egan, were carrying the banned substance. "We were completely shocked. Normally Sarah wouldn't travel far without Vegemite but for some reason we didn't have it." The vitamin-packed yeasty condiment was outlawed because it contains added folate. US laws state the B-group vitamin, which is used by the body to make new cells, can only be added to bread and cereals. --------------------------------- Vegemite is a bread spread like peanut butter, but made from yeasts. Just like Riboflavin (B2) is added to flour here, they add Folate (B2) to their food stuffs, including to Vegemite. It's a totally harmless, but very beneficial vitamin. Because it is such an essential vitamin, there is lots of info about folate on the web, for example However, somebody in the US figured that if Vegemite catches on in the US, it would quickly wipe out the peanut butter industry in a certain senator's riding. Therefore Vegemite was placed somewhere between cocaine and heroin and banned. Absolutely nothing to do with any health issues. =========================================== =========================================== Thanks to Ross for this picture: Practising to become a real bonehead =========================================== LazyBones Software Packs =========================================== Three preachers sat discussing the best positions for prayer while a telephone repairman worked nearby. "Kneeling is definitely best," claimed one. "No," another contended. "I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven." "You're both wrong," the third insisted. "The most effective prayer position is lying prostrate, face down on the floor." The repairman could contain himself no longer. "Hey, fellas, " he interrupted, "the best prayin' I ever did was hangin' by my climbing spurs upside down from a telephone pole." ===========================================
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=========================================== A pastor was preaching an impassioned sermon on the evils of television. "It steals away precious time that could be better spent on other things," he said. He advised the congregation to do what he and his family had done. "We put our TV away in the closet." "That's right," his wife mumbled, "and it sure is cozy in there with the TV repairman!" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Rheta Re: More Norton problems Dear Webby: i couldnot get ahold of norton. so i bought another norton. walmart dosent carry mcaffy. so i had to get another norton i guess i'm stuck with it.Grrrrr. i did find out that Defender only works on xp hpme and 2000. only just incase your readers want to know. as for me i donot like it. thanks anyway. wish me luck. Dear Rheta I find it amazing that you bought Norton again, after their support refused to talk to you. A local computer fixer can exorcise your machine in half an hour. The reason McAfee is not at Walmart is because it is sold on-line. No need to go to Walmart and buy a stale copy that is half a year out of date. Have FUN! DearWebby ==========================================
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=========================================== Manny was almost 29 years old. Most of his friends had already gotten married, and Manny just bounced from one relationship to the next. Finally a friend asked him, "What's the matter, are you looking for the perfect woman? Are you THAT particular? Can't you find anyone who suits you?" "No," Manny replied. "I meet a lot of nice girls, but as soon as I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them. So I keep on looking!" "Listen," his friend suggested, "Why don't you find a girl who's just like your dear ole Mother?" Many weeks past before Manny and his friend got together again. "So Manny. Did you find the perfect girl yet. One that's just like your Mother?" Manny shrugged his shoulders, "Yes I found one just like Mom. My mother loved her, they became great friends." "Excellent!!! So,.... Are you and this girl engaged, yet?" "I'm afraid not. My Father can't stand her!" ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! ========================================== Deeli's Kudos October 23, 2006 - Juneau, Alaska - AP Elaine and Jim Canary thought for sure they would never again see her diamond wedding ring, lost on a business trip. She noticed the ring was missing Oct. 14, 2004, when standing in line at a coffee shop. "I was devastated," she said. A subsequent and frantic search of the couple's hotel room didn't produce the ring. Then, two weeks ago, just shy of the two-year anniversary of losing the ring, they got a call from the coffee house owner in Petersburg. The ring had been found when an old Pepsi cooler was moved to make room for a pastry case. Canary surmises she put the ring in her pocket to put on lotion and forgot about it. Then, while standing in line, the ring probably fell out when she reached in her pocket. She wasn't the only one surprised. "The insurance company was completely shocked as well," Canary said. "They said rings are never found; they were surprised I reported it, too." This wasn't the first time she felt anguish over a lost wedding ring. "I did lose our first ring. My husband said he is going to start buying them by the dozen," she said.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Boosting Leftovers Get more servings out of leftovers by adding more ingredients. For example, if you have some leftover vegetable soup, but only enough for a couple servings, add some chicken broth and a can of vegetables or tomatoes. Another thing you can do is combine leftovers; leftover sauces can be used in casseroles, leftover rice can be used in casseroles and soup, left over meat and can used in numerous dishes, etc. Tip provided by
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the list, you can vote for it here: ========================================
Overheard at a Computer Store: "I want a game capable of holding the interest of my six-year-old, but it's got to be simple enough so that his father can play it, too." ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== View from the office. Wind is blowing powder snow off the mountains. The sun has long set, but is lighting up the drifing snow from behind.
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Kopy cat Recipes
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby

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