Dear Webby Humor Letter, Nov 13/06: Dressed Alike 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  November 13, 2006

Facts are stupid things.
-- Ronald Reagan

A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the
importance of turning around three times before lying down.
--- Robert Benchley

A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is
putting on its shoes.
-- Mark Twain

"This is a new dress. Do you like it? It's from my favorite
designer, On Sale."
--- Rita Rudner

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I come from a large family, five sisters and three brothers.
My sisters and I were looking through the family photo album
one day. Picture after picture, we were all dressed in
matching clothes. I asked my mother why she dressed us all
alike, right down to the baby.

She explained, "When we had just four children, I dressed
you alike so we wouldn't lose any of you. Then," she added,
looking at the pictures in the album, "When the other four
came along, I started dressing you alike so we won't pick up
any that don't belong to us."

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=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to for losing mail Yahoo for censoring mail MSN for losing mail for censoring mail
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at
=========================================== At breakfast one day, I eagerly waited for my husband to com- ment on my first attempt at homemade cinnamon rolls. After several minutes with no reaction, I asked, "If I baked these commercially, how much do you think I could get for one of them?" Without looking up from his newspaper he replied, "About 10 years." ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Greyhound Bus Lines Kicking up a stink A US family is suing Greyhound after the contents of a bus toilet were dumped through their open car sunroof. Robert and Angela Stokes and their three children, aged nine, ten and 22, were covered with feces, urine and toilet paper, reports the Toledo Blade. The family, from Ottawa County, Ohio, were returning from a meal out at a Toledo restaurant when it happened. They were following a Greyhound bus on an interstate highway when the contents of the bus's sanitary tank were suddenly dumped on their 4x4 vehicle. The waste went through the open windows and sunroof of their Ford Explorer, drenching all five family members. "My client was driving in heavy traffic. They had nowhere to go. What can you do?'' said Robert Bryce, an attorney for the family. Despite being covered with waste, Mr. Stokes followed the bus to obtain its identification information and registration number. The Stokes are seeking more than 150,000 damages from Greyhound for damage to the vehicle and their clothing, plus medical treatment and testing for infectious diseases. Mr. Bryce said the Stokes' vehicle was declared a total loss by their insurance company because the stench and filth couldn't be removed, even though the interior was steam cleaned several times. Greyhound declined to comment. =========================================== =========================================== Thanks to Unc Wes for this picture OOOPS ===========================================
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=========================================== An old man in Austin calls his son in Dodge City (Kansas). The conversation goes as follows. Dad: Son, I hate to bring you the bad news ... but your mother and I, we are getting a divorce ... Son: WHAT?? You can't! What about - Dad: I'm sorry son! 45 years of misery is ENOUGH!! Now, I am sick of talking about it, call your sister and tell her! (CLICK) The son, nearly in tears calls his sister in New Orleans. The conversation goes as follows. Brother: Sis, Your not gonna believe this! MOM AND DAD ARE GETTING A ... A ... DIVORCE!! Sister: WHAT?!? OH NO THEY AREN'T! You stay put. I'll call you right back!! (CLICK) The sister, calls the parents in Austin and the conversation goes as follows. Daughter: YOU TWO ARE NOT GETTNG A DIVORCE!! Dad: Honey, listen - Daughter: NO YOU LISTEN! YOU ARE NOT GETTING A DIVORCE! YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU DON'T DO ANYTHING! I'M CALLING BROTHER BACK, WE'LL BE THERE THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW! DON'T DO ANYTHING! (CLICK) The father hangs up calmly and bounces his news paper to align it to his liking. He looked at his wife and said "Well, they are coming for Thanksgiving and are paying their own fares, what shall we tell them on Christmas?" ===========================================
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=========================================== A gentleman goes to an estate sale and notices that one of the items for sale is a large parrot. He's always wanted a talking bird, so when it comes up for bid he offers $50. The bidding proceeds hot and heavy with someone always bidding ten dollars more than he until the parrot is finally sold to him for $1,500. When he goes to get the bird, he asks the auctioneer, "Can the bird talk?" The auctioneer replied, "Who do you think was bidding against you?" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jeanie Re: Sorting favorites Dear Webby I know you mentioned just a few weeks ago how to alphabetize "Favorites" and I did it, but then had to get a new Mother board and do not remember how to do now so was hoping you would tell me again and this time I will print it out for future reference. Dear Jeanie Right-click on the topmost grey menu bar and take the checkmark off the STANDARD BUTTONS, then instead of the favorites showing in a long list on the left side, they pull down from the word FAVORITES. Right click anywhere in there, and you will see the option to sort. After sorting, you can put the checkmark back onto STANDARD BUTTONS, and the favorites will remain nicely sorted for a while. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! ========================================== Deeli's Kudos November 8, 2006 - U.S. - Do One Nice Thing 120 degrees in the shade? No problem! This summer Josh West and Michelle Norberg biked from Florida to California with 25 other college students. The group participated in a trip for Bike & Build, an organization that raises funds for affordable housing. Their group traveled more than 3500 miles, with stops along the way to work on three Habitat for Humanity projects. They spent a week in Slidell, Louisiana rebuilding houses demolished by Hurricane Katrina. Other projects were in Atlantic Beach, FL and in Farmington, New Mexico. The trip concluded in San Francisco. With the motto, "We are young, and we could change the world!", Bike & Build inspires young adults to push themselves hard. "We strive to encourage our participants to test their limits, reach their potential, and effect change. Our energy is contagious, and there is much to be done." And they're careful. Their participants have cycled more than 665,000 miles, without any serious injury or accident. Josh, 24, and Michelle, 22, graduated from the University of Florida, Gainesville, last May. Josh has a degree in Exercise Science and is teaching physical education at an elementary school. He is also a triathlete and marathoner. Michelle graduated with a degree in Elementary Education and has entered a Master's degree program in Counseling at U.F. Every participant was required to raise $4,000 for affordable housing. All proceeds of the trip were contributed to the Slidell Habitat for Humanity.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Vacuum Your Sewing Machine Over time, particles of dust, pieces of thread and other debris can buildup inside your sewing machine and cause it to run poorly. Remove the thread, bobbin and face plate and vacuum out the inside of your sewing machine periodically.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the list, you can vote for it here: ========================================
Wife : What's your excuse for coming home at this time of the night? Husband : Golfing with friends, my dear. Wife : What? At 2 a.m.? Husband : Yes. We used nightclubs. ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== My next-door neighbor and I frequently borrow things from each other. Not long ago, when I requested his ladder, he told me he had lent it to his son. Recalling a saying my grandmother used to repeat, I recited, "You should never lend anything to your kids, because you will never get it back." With that, he responded, "Well, it's not even my ladder. It's my dad's."
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at You can enter comments in the blog!
Thanks to Dianne for the Bonus Link: OOOPS
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby

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