Humor: Lighten digital pix 

Good Morning !
Saturday,  November 18, 2006
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Every increased possession loads us with new weariness.
--- John Ruskin


I'm kind of jealous of the life I'm supposedly leading.
--- Zach Braff


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Text-End, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
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A tenant in an apartment in Dublin phoned the police that
there was a fight going on in the apartment right over him.
So when the policeman arrived at the upstairs apartment,
he heard furniture being thrown around and signs of a good
old Irish brawl. He rapped on the door with his night
stick and the door was opened by a very determined and
disheveled woman.


"Who's head of the family here?"


"You just wait a minute and I'll tell you. That's what we're
trying to settle inside.


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=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Hotmail.com for losing mail Yahoo for censoring mail MSN for losing mail Shaw.ca for censoring mail
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== A little old man shuffles slowly into an ice cream parlor, crawls painfully onto a stool, and orders a banana split. The waitress asks, "Crushed nuts?" He replies "No, arthritis." ===========================================
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=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Barbara Joan March, 61, from Connecticut NOVEMBER 17--Until former Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor recently spilled the beans, federal prosecutors had succeeded in keeping quiet the details of a plot to poison all nine members of the high court as well as two top FBI officials. During a speech at a legal conference in Texas last week, O'Connor made a passing reference to the scheme as she talked about assorted attacks on the judiciary. Barbara Joan March, a 61-year-old Connecticut resident, was sentenced last month to 15 years in prison for mailing letters "containing either a baked good or a piece of candy laced with rat poison" to the nine justices, FBI Director Robert Mueller, and another bureau official. According to an indictment, a note to O'Connor (which accompanied the spiked treat) stated, "We are going to kill you. This is poisoned." March placed the names of various acquaintances (former classmates, an ex-roommate, a former co-worker, etc.) on the letters she mailed, in an apparent bid to mask her identity. =========================================== =========================================== Thanks to Dack in Thailand for a picture of Chiang Mai park. ===========================================
Mycheers Fall Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== There was a hound dog laying in the yard and an old man in overalls was sitting on the porch. "Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?" the tourist asked. The old man looked up over his newspaper and replied, Nope." As soon as the tourist stepped out of his car, the dog began snarling and growling, and then attacked both his arms and legs. As the tourist flailed around in the dust, he yelled, "I thought you said your dog didn't bite!" The old man muttered, "that ain't my dog. My dog is sleeping there in mah rockin chair." ===========================================
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=========================================== A Chicago lawyer named George successfully defends a major crime lord from charges of dealing drugs, racketeering, murder, kidnapping, and selling arms. As he is leaving the courtroom, an indignant old woman grabs him by the arm. "Young man, where are your Christian scruples? I believe you would defend Satan!" "I don't know," George says, "what's your kid done now?" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Amanda Re: Lightening pictures Dear Webby, When I try to lighten a picture that is too dark, it gets milky. Is there a way around that? I'm referring to digital photos. Thanks Amanda Dear Amanda Start with the full size original of the picure. Lighten it no more than 5%, and increase contrast 10%. Then shrink the picture about 5%. Next, increase color saturation about 5-10 percent. Repeat from the start. Here is how it works: Every time you shrink the picture, groups of pixels get averaged into single pixels or smaller groups of pixels. By exaggerating the colors when you increase saturation, you counter-act the pixels that have turned white from the lightening. Do all these maipulations in PSP or PSD format, and don't save until done. During the saving there is usually some compression, which robs color depth. Here is an example: There were dark, solid clouds overhead, and a narrow ribbon of color on the horizon. For this example I deliberately shot it too dark by opening the flash. That messes up the camera's computer, because it figures you will be taking a picture of a streaker or something that will be happening close enough to be lit up by the flash. So it shortens the exposure time accordingly. The right half of the picture is the original, the left half is the part that I lightened with the above mentioned steps. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos Hi-tech walking stick German scientists have developed an intelligent walking stick that calls an ambulance if the owner falls over. Scientists at the Fraunhofer Institute for Experimental Software Development in Kaiserslautern invented the 'i-Stick'. It's part of an ongoing Assisted Living project to use technology to help elderly people. If a sensor in the i-Stick registers that it is in a horizontal position, for example if its elderly owner has fallen over, it sends a signal to a control unit which plays a message telling the owner to pick it up. If the stick remains on the floor the control box is programmed to call either an ambulance directly or a chosen relative. I-Sticks have yet to hit stores, but the scientists are currently looking for a distributor.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Protecting Your Remote If you have kids you can prevent gooey and dirty hands from gumming up your remote control by placing it in a ziplock bag. They can still see the controls but can't gum up the buttons.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
College student: "Hey, Dad! I've got some great news for you!" Father: "What, son?" College student: "Remember that $500 you promised me if I made the Dean's list?" Father: "I certainly do." College student: "Well, you get to keep it." ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts DearWebby Yesterday 46 people cared enough to check the Pervert Alerts ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two old gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant, and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly." The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?" The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know---the one that is red and has thorns?" "Do you mean a rose?" "Yes," the man said, turning to the kitchen. "ROSE!" he shouted. "What's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== ======================================== Text-End, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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